#toxic guilt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

furiousgoldfish · 3 months

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Living with abusive parents made me feel like I need to be productive every day, every moment, and that's the only way I can survive. If I stopped being productive, then I was not worthy of life anymore. It made me into this hyper-stressed individual who would feel bad just from not producing anything within few hours; I'd feel guilty, ashamed and not good enough if a whole day went by without me accomplishing anything.

This lead to me burning out from everything I was trying to achieve, it exhausted me, it brought me endless days of experiencing guilt and shame from being too tired and too stressed and anxious to make or do anything. It made me sick, and ashamed of being sick. It made me compare myself to everyone who accomplished more than me, feeling small and unable to compete. It made me dismiss everything I have done as 'not good enough' because it didn't bring me that feeling that I was now someone, that I had done something important, something I could be proud of. I was proud of nothing. Nothing was notable, nothing was exceptional.

I never stopped to ask myself, for what reasons was I doing this? It was assumed that of course, this constant 'doing something' would bring me somewhere, only I didn't know where, I didn't have a goal. I just knew I needed to keep working, keep producing, or else I would be bad. What was I working for? Who was benefiting from this? I didn't even know.

I was blindly following the path that eroded my mental health, my well-being, my sense of self-value and my time and energy. I was scrambling for seconds of feeling good about myself which should have been mine from the start. I should have been able to feel good while doing nothing, while resting, relaxing, enjoying, taking it slow, caring for my own health, my well being and my emotional stability. There was absolutely no reason in that high-stress environment for me to be producing anything! I just needed to survive, but the pressure put on me to be 'useful' and 'productive' was so huge, I couldn't even see anything else past it. I couldn't comprehend that I was allowed to feel good even if I did nothing, even if I was just focusing on what made me feel better.

It would take me a long time to realize that working only had a point if you were working towards a specific goal, and if you were able to set the conditions of the work so that it doesn't destroy your health and emotional well being on the way. If working isn't bringing you closer to your goal, it means you're being exploited. Other people are profiting from your constant productivity while you're not even aware of why you're doing it. If working is destroying your current life, it's not sustainable enough to bring you towards a goal. No goal is worth destroying yourself over. You have to live in order to be there for when your goal is achieved.

And you can feel okay about yourself every minute that you're not working towards your goal. Taking breaks and letting yourself recover from work has to be a part of the normal, otherwise it's a burnout waiting to happen. The goal will not run away while you're resting. Nothing bad can happen just because you're taking care of yourself and taking it slow. It will give you more stability and make sure you can keep doing what you're doing.

#perfectionism #illusion of productivity #anti hustle culture #being exploited #being forced to feel bad about not working or being productive #productivity #trauma #toxic guilt #toxic shame

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ptsd-phoenix · 9 months

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sometimes I’m still uncertain

about who should take the blame

in our story

#actuallyabused #actuallyptsd #actuallytraumatized #traumacore #abuse survivor #sa survivor #poetry #ptsd #manipulation #victim blaming #toxic guilt #phoenix posts poetry

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ktae · 1 year

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just wanted to share this as its own post as well. i’ve struggled with extreme guilt and shame (for no clear single reason) for many years. it is overwhelming and affects various aspects of my life. last weekend, i found this pdf, printed it out, annotated the articles, and did the exercises. it actually helped. it provided significant relief from something i’ve been struggling with for so long, something that has not really been helped by meds, therapy, meditation, or other things i’ve tried. this is just my personal experience but i really recommend just giving it a shot if you struggle with this.

#gonna keep looking for activities/worksheets like this and i will post them if i find them helpful!#i'll tag them as ''therapy'' so if you want to see others you can go to that tag on my blog #therapy #toxic shame #chronic shame #guilt #shame #toxic guilt #chronic guilt #depression #anxiety #mental health #therapy worksheet

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antiopesayingthings · 1 year

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source: https://www.lovetopivot.com/what-emotional-engulfment-fear-trauma-relationship-intimacy-coaching/

#enmeshment #engulfment #codependency trauma #codependency recovery #living with cptsd #toxic guilt #maladaptive guilt

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obscuredemure · 2 years

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Toxic Guilt.

I saw a TikTok about this the other day, and it honestly blew my mind. Inner guilt and religious trauma tend to come hand in hand. Feelings of shame and guilt are basically beat into you at an early age when you’re raised in an evangelical cult. You’re taught that you’re inherently evil and that you have to be constantly alert to anything that might corrupt you.

Toxic guilt comes in when we feel guilty for absolutely no reason, a residual reminder of how others found us so unworthy for years. This is brought on by all the invalidation we received from parents, church leaders, peers. Even when we’ve done nothing wrong, that constant anxiety that maybe we screwed up somehow is constantly there.

Not to mention growing up in fear that we’d go to Hell if we somehow displeased everyone’s favorite imaginary friend, God. It’s no wonder so many of us have anxiety issues even after breaking away from the Church.

More than anything, I wish I could have all those years of my life back. I wish I didn’t have to suffer internally for reasons that were completely out of my control. It’s so disturbing how religion has a death grip on its followers to the point that they treat other people poorly because of an instilled false sense of superiority.

I’ll never stop calling out cults and their bizarre behavior because it’s abuse, no matter how you view it.

#ex cult #ex religious #ex fundie #ex evangelical #ex christian #ex baptist #exchristian #exvangelical #cultsurvivors #cultsurvivor #cult trauma #apostate #religious abuse #religious trauma #toxic guilt

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stinkgh · 2 years

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My FAVORITE thing in the world is when a toxic parent, usually a mother, will tell their child "you're acting just like your stank ass daddy/momma," basically making the kid feel guilty just for being born from someone their parent no longer likes. Like first of all Jill you liked him enough to raw dog his dick & have a baby in the first place. So tbh that's on you. 💁

#cptsd #parenting #bad parenting #toxic parenting #ptsd #actually cptsd #relationships #toxic relationships #codependency #guilt #toxic guilt #toxic shame

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guiltyidealist · 6 months

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"I'm sorry I vented and took up your time with my bullshit" ❌

feeds abandonment fears, implies having needs and being helped with them are wrong, makes it all about you

"Thank you for being patient with me through that, I appreciate that you took the time" ✅

shows your gratitude, affirms your affinity, no "using up" anybody's effort, makes it about you both as equals

"I'm sorry I dumped without checking consent first. I need to act respectfully and ask for your permission before I vent" ✅

"I'm sorry I said x, that was inappropriate of me to put on you" ✅

"Was it okay when I said x the way I did?" ✅

"Would you like to place a boundary around that?" ✅

"What could I do/say instead that's healthier for us both?" ✅

correct an actual wrong, seize due accountability, consider their rights as much as yours, make amends, work to correct missteps going forward

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melblogsgfreethruptsd · 9 months

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#toxic parents #narcissism #enablers #flying monkeys #maternal narcissism #gaslighting #manipulation #emotional abuse #guilt tripping #shame

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croh3 · 8 months

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when john wants something from arthur he literally just intimidates him and he's not even good at it. and when arthur wants something from john he just unknowingly manipulates the shit out of him

#LIKE EPS 24-26 ARE SO FUCKED UP ARTHUR'S JUST GOING FULL CIRCLE WITH MANIPULATION TACTICS #i wish i had more comprehensive thoughts about it but like #he first compliments john and tells him how much he loves him then he guilt trips john and THEN #HE'S blaming john for manipulating HIM #i love when arthur is toxic and fucked up. he's so sexy about it #malevolent #chr-txt

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 1 month

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pt. 2 to answer @altofmoth 's question (click here to see pt. 1!)

5. mind control

mind control is a classic villain's move but when that villain is supposed to be sympathetic and who later gets into a relationship with the same person they tried to control... yikes.

catra is visibly happy about adora going through excruciating pain because of the virus, she shows no concern or remorse over hurting her former best friend/love interest this way. and she is completely willing to take away adora's freewill if it means defeating the rebellion.

6. attempted murder

yeah, i don't think i have to explain this. again, notice that adora has attempted to murder catra very few times. adora's main objective was just to defeat catra (or get her to join the rebellion) while catra's objective was to always hurt adora in any way possible.

7. catra brags about adora being easy to manipulate

these are just three instances but it's not very romantic to talk about how easily you can manipulate your s/o and take advantage of their weaknesses.

8. weird incestuous undertones

adora and catra were both raised by shadow weaver and has an obvious scapegoat - golden child dynamic. catra especially seeks out shadow weaver's love and validation, and she's jealous of adora because shadow weaver favours adora more.

this is a very common trope between fictional siblings like zuko and azula, cassandra and rapunzel, soren and claudia, etc. and of course, it's a very common dynamic between siblings in real life too, when they are raised by an abusive parent. all of this makes the idea of a romantic relationship between catra and adora pretty icky.

9. catra's redemption or lack thereof doesn't help with this whole situation

catra's redemption is all lipservice. she does actually change at all. let's see,

she still holds adora responsible for things that she didn't do, and acts like adora is a hindrance.

she still uses physical violence on adora for absolutely no reason.

she abandons adora when she's about to die because adora doesn't return catra's romantic feelings (and she later blames adora for always leaving people behind).

not to mention, catra's confession is so guilt trippy. the fact that she apparently loved adora all this time, when she was abusing, manipulating, gaslighting, trying to control and trying to kill adora, is the biggest red flag.

it's not like catra only started liking adora in s5. this confession reframes their entire relationship and implies that catra tortured adora physically and emotionally because she was in love with her. and again, the whole “just this once, stay” implies that catra still thinks that adora abandoned her, after everything that happened.

so yeah, i hope this answers your question!

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cacodaemonia · 5 months

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You know, I get things like "don't tag your hate" to a degree, but I also think it's absurd to demand that no one ever says anything negative about the show/character/whatever that you like. People are allowed to dislike things or criticize certain aspects of them just as much as you're allowed to like those things and talk about how much you enjoy certain aspects. And you can disagree with them. That's also totally fine.

Obviously, attacking or making fun of people who have different opinions is an entirely separate matter, but it's incredibly bizarre to me when someone says, "You're not allowed to discuss what you don't like about this because I like it." In what universe is that a reasonable expectation?

#this is something that's been irking me for ages #like i get that fandom is very emotionally intense #but people can say something negative about your blorbo or whatever without it having any impact on you #becoming defensive about that kind of thing seems incredibly unhealthy #and getting mad at other people or guilt-tripping them for not sharing your opinions is just... mean #fandom #toxic positivity

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furiousgoldfish · 6 months

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I'm curious, did anyone else have this experience as a kid, of waiting to find the person who wouldn't hate you? Like yeah, your parents acted like you're a waste of space, but you were sure that deep inside there was something more to you, and one day someone would realize that and care for who you really are. And you kept trying to reach out, outside of the home, to find someone who would get you.

And then eventually you found someone you connected to on a deep level and who you felt intensely bonded with, who seemed to accept you and want you for something at last. And when this person suddenly changed their mind and also decided that you were not worth a second glance, it broke something inside of you?

Like you were able to keep resilient against all the abuse if there was one person who was on your side and saw something good in you, but if even that one special person decided you were worthless, then your resilience broke and you couldn't find it in yourself to doubt what everyone around you thought of you, that you were nothing, bad, poisonous, evil.

I keep carrying this shame in me and still trying to prove to myself and to the world that it is not true, but I've never gotten over that intense rejection and reactions of disgust on me being vulnerable, hurt, or wanting to be close. Even if I don't feel it when I'm alone, next to other people I only wait for the moment they'll decide that I'm not worth a second of their time, and that I'm in fact, repulsive in every possible way. Did anyone recover from this?

#toxic shame #toxic guilt #trying to get over emotional abuse #child abuse #abusive parents #overwhelming shame #anxiety around people #social anxiety caused by intense rejection of the entire environment as a kid

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one-abuse-survivor · 1 year

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You're not a martyr for raising the kids you chose to have

#This is @ all of those parents who say shit like 'I sacrificed my life for you and this is how you repay me'#Fuck you #You chose to have children willingly #They didn't choose to be born nor to be under YOUR care #Abuse #Abusive parents #Toxic parents #Bad parenting #Guilt-tripping

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the-girl-from-another-place · 23 days

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^this is Arthur Lester

#we’ve got the guilt ridden sef destructiveness #we’ve got the toxic codependency #if you could talk to me tell me if it’s so #that all the good girls go to heaven #!!!!#malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #mcr #my chemical romance

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scarletfish · 25 days

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nothing makes me sicker (complimentary) than akutagawa and kyouka's relationship (except potentially dazai and akutagawa) but I don't see them interact much in fic? anyone got any good recs? 👀

#akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #bsd kyouka #bungou stray dogs #bsd #its the 'older sibling in a toxic environment that helped you survive but at what cost and oh god maybe there was a better way' guilt #that is so delicious to me

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pecatho · 3 months

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u know what. it IS a little hilarious 2 me that elsa just. straight up moans annas name every time she says it

#my girl doesnt stop actually !#aannnna 😩#anyways. yeah im rewatching frozen.#frozen 2 specifically #it actually gave me my rights #BOMB ANNA LOOKS. check #ELSA OUTFIT CHANGE. check #deaTH TROPEEEE. good little sister song tbh.#the seperation is for longitude fr like the yearning guilt toxic yuri situationship ???#its for the future u know?? its for lasting #their closeness being lowkey held above kristanna ?? WILD #elsa IS spoken for thanks :)#elsanna #anna #elsa #it was good. TO ME #but also. … it ends right after their final hug. 2 me

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