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#parenting
aibidil · 1 day
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I think every parent of a neurodivergent kid learns VERY quickly (likely before they know their kid is neurodivergent) that the hardest part of the parenting gig is unlearning our assumptions about what is "acceptable" or "non-negotiable" behavior. If you have a toddler who won't do x, it doesn't matter how much bystanders or your parents say, "Well that's simply not acceptable." It doesn't matter if it's "acceptable" or not—because if you have a kid like that, you know you can't control another human in that way.
So this isn't a new revelation. But recently we've realized that my 10yo has a PDA profile (pathological demand avoidance/pervasive drive for autonomy—if you want to learn about it, look up Harry Thompson on the socials), which means that perceived demands cause him to enter a place of fight/flight response. I can't tell you the number of times he had a rage meltdown, injured me, trashed his room, etc. Because of this, we figured out (trial and error) how to interact with him starting when he was a toddler, so again, nothing earth-shattering with this new diagnosis, just an actual framework to understand him that finally encompasses all his (often confusing) quirks. What's interesting about pda is that the solution is basically to treat the person...like a person. It's a neurotype that INSISTS on being treated as capable and autonomous (what most people would think of as "treated like an adult", as if kids aren't entitled to autonomy).
What's really incredible is how, when this is all understood and supported, it doesn't have to cause him a lot of problems in day-to-day life. He's been supported and taken seriously for years, and now that he has words for it, he's even more comfortable in his skin.
Last week, we were both not in top form one day and I asked him to put his backpack away. (A demand! How dare I?! After he'd had a hard day of demands at school?!) and he literally threw it across the room, said something mean, and stormed off. (At which point I realized belatedly what was going on and dropped the issue completely so he could ctfd.)
Yesterday, in contrast: he had a bad day at school and I listened, then let him go and bury himself in YouTube for awhile. As I was starting to make dinner, he came and asked if he could help because he was hungry. (Note: no demand was made of him!) I said sure and we cooked together. When the food was ready, he said, "Can I eat alone today? I had a hard day."
Now, my upbringing (and my partner's) was one of The Sacred Family Dinner. The family eats together always. Why? Because that's what we do. No one would ever dare question it! This assumption that family dinner is inviolable lives deep in my soul. If I had said this to my parents (and I wouldn't have—it would've been unthinkable), I would've been dismissed out of hand. They would've scoffed and said something about how I had to do what our family does.
But because I'm not new here, I pushed all that away and said, "Alright. Thanks for helping me cook."
And he goes, "No problem. Thanks for understanding."
🥲😊😭🥲
Beautiful things happen when you let go of limiting neurotypical heteropatriarchal culturoinstitutional norms and narratives. Doing that requires leaps of faith. Leap after leap of faith. Scary leaps that challenge all your insecurities. Leaping every time your brain or another person says, "Well how will they ever learn to do x if you—” No. Leap.
It's worth the leaps.
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Darth Vader might have bad parenting skills with Luke and Leia, but his parenting skills are good with Sand
Maybe… I like to think as this doggo thing as a crash course on how to look after something else besides himself, before he meets Luke and all. Also, he gets Sand as an older Vader, if he was younger it would probably be more of a mess.
Thinking it through you are probably right. If Anakin didn’t turn…I imagine his parenting skills being catastrophic at best.
I picture Padmé being like: yes, lets rise our kids on my house by the lake, a safe, cosy place and Anakin agreeing just to take them on a dangerous jedi mission the next second XD
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deadmomjokes · 3 days
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The bean has recently started adding advice-giving and reassurances to her goodbyes. You know, like “See ya! Be safe!” and “Bye! Watch out for deer!” “See you soon!” That kind of thing.
Only she’s 3, so her addenda are.... Well....
Going to the park with dad: “Bye bye! Don’t forget to recycle!”
Leaving the Christmas Lights show: “See ya! It’s okay, we’ll be back soon!”
Leaving family holiday dinner: “Bye bye! Sleep good! Don’t worry, we’ll be back in a minute!” Oh, actually, honey, we’re not coming back today. Maybe another day. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back in a.... sometime!!”
Saying bye to Grandma on video call: “Bye, I love you! Don’t go too fast!”
Bye to Great-Grandma on video call: *screaming* “I! LOVE! YOU!!!” *back to peppy chipmunk voice* “Okay bye bye, eat some dinner, love you, MUAH!”
At preschool (leaving, generally addressing class and teachers): “Bye bye, you can do it! Have fun! Wash your hands!”
Also at preschool (arriving, dismissing me): “Bye Mom, don’t forget to have a snack!” *whispers* “Okay you can go now please.”
And, my personal favorite, to the door greeter at the store who gave her a friendly wave and ‘bye bye,’: *waving cheerfully* “No thanks!”
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amithedevil · 2 days
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hisbucky · 19 hours
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Maddie, with a sleeping Jee-Yun: Hey, baby brother -
Buck: I didn't do it! It wasn't me!
Maddie, takes one look at the messy room, Buck's disheveled appearance, his panicky expression: ...Anyways, you're still okay with babysitting duty, right?
Buck, blinking rapidly while being handed baby stuff: Yeah, yeah. Eddie's coming over later with Christopher.
Maddie: Yeah, I figured. If you need me, don't. Chimney and I are going to spend the day sleeping.
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Stop blaming children and dogs when a bite happens, blame the owner for allowing that situation to happen in the first place.
I just saw a story of a Karen happy her two year old granddaughter got bit by her adult dog in the face… she left her curious grabby grandbaby alone with a old dog that is already about of a aggressive dog breed that has apparently had tried showing dominance over the kids in the family in the past.. yet somehow she thought that was a smart idea 🙃
But her post went along the lines of:
“ my furbaby bit my grandbaby in her face and it might scar, now my son in law is blaming me and saying he won’t let my grand baby around my dog because he says the dog is dangerous. When my grand baby { I’m not gonna put the baby’s name } was pulling his hair, it was a valuable lesson she needed to learn.”
People in the comments were saying how the poor dog was being abused by the child, saying the baby deserved it, being pretty sexist + misogynistic about this baby girl, many claiming that it’s a lessened learned and blah blah blah 😑
Here’s the thing ppl love blaming the dog or blaming the child.
NO
It’s normally neither fault.
It’s the owner’s fault
If you think your child might be aggressive towards kids, don’t bring them around kids.
If you see your child or another child making an animal uncomfortable, remove the animal or child from the situation.
If you see a child harming an animal and you do nothing what happens next is on you.
If you leave an animal alone with a child and something happens that’s on you.
If you don’t teach your kids gentle when touching animals or other babies, it’s on you.
If you don’t just WATCH them when animals and kids interact it’s on you.
Don’t leave small babies or toddlers all alone with an animal.
A baby/small kid is gonna grab stuff and an animal is gonna bite or show it’s discomfort if hurt.
A dog gonna dog and a baby gonna baby.
That’s why it’s on YOU as an owner to be smart and responsible so such situations do not happen.
You need to be the responsible one in the situation.
I see so many TikTok’s and posts of people saying how they let their either untrained pet around kids, left a child alone with the animals or was letting a child harm the animals in some way and did nothing until something bad happened.
It is on the owner for not being responsible, they are the one hurting their pet and the child truly at the end of the day because it’s the owner, the adult who know better.
Stop blaming the kids.
Stop blaming the animals.
Start blaming the irresponsible owners.
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evilphrog · 1 day
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Things my parents said that pissed me off (3)
Thing said:
WILL YOU SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES?!
Why it pissed me off:
My parents hate me.  They can’t stand even having me in the same room.  I am the most obnoxious and annoying person in the world. Nobody will ever love me.
How I feel about it now:
This was a shitty thing to say, for sure.  Again though, I refer back to the number of kids in my house, the number of us who had special needs and did loud vocal stimming, who made sudden banging noises, and so on.  it’s a lot harder to be angry at my parents for having moments where they couldn’t take the constant random screeching interspersed with infodumps and movie quotes when they were very focused on masking so they could avoid harsh judgments from other parents. I later found out there were many times people said nasty things to them about their "feral" children, because they would let us do harmless sensory-seeking behavior in public. Nobody else was doing that at the time. Kids were meant to be seen and not heard. I think, sometimes, they were worried someone would call CPS on us. I think, sometimes, people did. They shouldn't have snapped like that. It is really hard to stay angry about it, though. They are people. They had dark moments. They kept trying. That counts.
Would I say it to my own kids:
I try not to.  I really try.  I have failed several times, and I feel bad about it.  The constant vocal stims can be a lot to handle, especially when paired with sleep deprivation.  I do apologize later.  Then we talk about overstimulation and ways to avoid it, and how it is important to take responsibility for making things right even if the reason you said a hurtful thing was because of your disability making you cranky.  We have also established set “screaming hours” during which anyone who is overstimulated needs to go put on headphones or take a walk and let the rest of the family be loud. It is a work in progress, for sure.
TMPS 1
TMPS 2
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shamebats · 22 days
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Well this sure hit me like a ton of bricks
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theygender · 4 months
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August 11, 2022
I just wanted to give everyone a heads up that 30+ brands of nutrition drinks including but not limited to Ensure, Pediasure, Glucerna, Oatly, and Premier Protein just got recalled for possible contamination with the bacteria that causes botulism, a paralytic toxin with a lethal dose of 1.3 nanograms. If you've purchased one of the affected lot numbers please return it to the store to be properly disposed of as a biohazard but do not accept any compensatory gift cards because that can be counted as a settlement if you need to file a lawsuit for any potential damages caused by this later on. If you have any questions regarding the recall there's a phone number listed in the article above that you can call, but if you believe you may have ingested toxins then please call your local poison control hotline. Stay safe
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introvertedx10 · 5 months
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muffinlevelchicanery · 10 months
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defilerwyrm · 9 days
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Parents, for the love of everything that ever pretended to be holy, do not make household cleaning a punishment for your children.
My parents did that. As an adult, I would rather stare at a blank wall for five hours straight than wash dishes. I would rather do math problems without a calculator and have my answers read aloud in public than clean a bathroom. If my hatred of cleaning was a capturable energy it could power interstellar travel. All because, growing up, cleaning house was a primary form of punishment.
Don’t fuckin’ do that. You’re not instilling discipline. You’re instilling hatred for something they need to be able to do as adults without hating every microsecond of it.
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dollsgaze · 4 months
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What is a home if not the first place you learn to run from?
Richard kadrey // Clementine von Radics // Taylor Swift // Alice (1988) // Amanda Lovelace // sue zhao // ? // Édouard Levé //Emily Berry // ?
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mysharona1987 · 10 months
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soft-spoonie · 2 months
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parenting isn't for everyone, and that's okay. you don't need to become a parent. you can have a happy, fulfilling life without being a parent. you can positively influence generations after yours without being a parent. you are not a bad person if you don't want to be, can't be, or shouldn't be a parent. there is more to adult life than parenting. and you are inherently important, just by existing. no matter what.
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