#playboy!bruce wayne | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alyakthedorklord · 10 months

Note

Omg literally it would be SO cool if you wrote the rest of the playboy bruce trying to kiss the justice league without them realizing it (I know you said figure it out but the way you wrote it was so good and funn I would love it if you gave maybe a couple of scenarios)

Lmao honestly executive dysfunction is kicking my ASS rn and it was intended as a prompt. I will try tho, definitely taking inspiration from the others who responded to the post because I love them.

If you haven’t, go check out the notes on the OG Post above! @britcision, @ivywing, and @help-i-need-a-cool-username all had amazing additions and @foursixtwonineoh-pieces-of-lego wrote a fic:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48325771

As did @scrapcheck, still in progress

And Devilhorn!

Anyways LONG post under the cut

Hal Jordan

Hal is first to prove a POINT, as @britcision decided. Also because the bastard made it waaaay too easy. Remember- Hal was Joking. He genuinely thinks Batman isn’t going to try, because he’s way too straight-laced boring.

So when he’s at a bar in Coast City, and he sees this absolutely ravishing man lounging casually against the wall, bar lighting making him practically glow (he CALCULATED that) subtle makeup making his bright blue eyes pop as he looks Hal up and down… Well. Hal makes the first move.

Hal: “All on your own, handsome?”

Bruce, with “Mastermind” by Taylor Swift playing in his head, smiling sweetly at Hal: “Care to change that?”

They start talking. Hal doesn’t recognize Bruce Wayne at ALL (canonically he does not know who Bruce Wayne is, a point brought up by @help-i-need-a-cool-username) so all he knows is Bruce is a single father who works at a company he inherited from his parents, which is just (brucie voice) “so much less interesting than a test pilot!”

Bruce, grimacing internally but wrapped around Hal’s arm with the awed and interested eyes in full effect: “you have such a nice voice, tell me more about planes…”

He KNOWS what a fuselage is, thank you, Jordan. Whatever. He gets to gush about his kids, when its his turn to talk, good enough tradeoff. He can survive Hal Jordan’s bad pick up lines and pretend he’s into them. At a certain point Bruce breaks and kisses him just to shut him up. One down.

Diana Prince

I looked it up- kissing in Ancient Greece wasn’t always considered romantic, but also a greeting between two similarly-ranked people. Therefore, I think Diana would be pretty chill with kissing and honestly an easy target at a gala if Bruce plays respectful/clumsy/earnest himbo starstruck with the tall pretty woman, just a peck would make him the happiest man alive. But I wanna go a little more in depth.

Now, I’ve seen Flash and Martian Manhunter save Bruce and/or his kids and Bruce lays one on them, but honestly I think it would work well with Diana too, because she loves kids. Dick and/or Jason (whichever you want to imagine, I want them to team up screw canon) are WAY to excited for this, they’ve got a little script and everything.

WonderWoman, a kid in each arm, delivering them back to their tearful guardian: “Here we are, Mr. Wayne. Whole and healthy.”

Dick, playing into his role eagerly: “Oh my gosh, Bruce! Bruce we got saved by a princess! It’s like a fairytale! Except, you know, the princess is the hero this time, which is so freaking cool!”

Bruce, tears of gratitude rolling down his face (and he knows how to still look perfect while crying, its a skill): “I’m just glad the two of you are safe, Chum.”

Jason, big baby blues in full effect, absolutely asked Wonder Woman to be his mom earlier (to set groundwork, no other reason): “You know, usually the princess and the hero gets a kiss at the end of a fairytale, Bruce. But this princess is both. So how will she get a reward?”

Still choked up with relieved tears and now laughter, Bruce looks up at Diana and smiles: “Well, if the Princess wants a reward… then I would be a fool to refuse.”

Bruce kisses her on the lips, Dick and Jason both kiss her cheeks, Diana leaves charmed and amused by the sweet family. Such a good father, humoring his children and thier little fascination with her, so very respectful…

Two down.

J’ohn Jones

Okay, martians are telepathic. So this goes one of two ways, at some sort of charity or something-

Option 1, Batman is a realist: the charity event is a masquerade, and he wanders over to where MM is while thinking “it would be so funny, give me this.” As loudly as he can. And Martian Manhunter, who appreciates the audacity, gives him a kiss. (I don’t like this one because it technically breaks the rules of the bet, bc MM knows it’s Batman, but eh)

Option 2, Batman is a different breed: he manages to up the ante with his Himbo Persona. Creating a “slippery void” mental facade that blocks of his real thoughts and makes him read as really just that stupid. This would require functioning with two trains of thought at once, and making sure that the Martian can only read the surface level, “oh, this one is pretty” “I really wouldn’t mind kissing him” and other such decoy thoughts, instead of “target is approaching, signs of interest present despite this not being his natural form-“

Bruce also researches and copies Martian courting styles and copies them “by chance,” catching MM’s attention. (He offers him Oreos)

Martian Manhunter: “this man… he is so empty headed and yet clearly kind and willing. I would not take him for a life partner, but for some simple fun as he seems to desire…”

(Edit: Maybe, if B is confident enough, he lets through his loneliness. Missing his parents, wanting affection, an ache so strong it’s like a physical wound. J’onn feels the same ache for his lost family, and decides to try this human’s strategy to fill that void. Either way…)

Batman 3, League 0

Barry Allen

I’m strangely blank when it comes to the Flash let me just spitball and let it snowball

As I said above, people have had him save Bruce, had Bruce seduce him at his workplace while taking a tour, I even saw @help-i-need-a-cool-username have Dick set up a petition for Bruce to kiss the Flash. (An idea that I personally think would also go really well with Superman lmao.)

Anyways, I think it would be funny for Bruce to take it slow with Barry. For the irony of it all. Because Batman is doing this to prove a POINT. So he’s in central city, spots Barry coming his way, and “accidentally” slips right into his arms. Ooh, or covered in coffee, like a wealth disparity drama base script, and Barry’s like “omg i am so sorry let me pay you back.” And bruce is all “this shirt costs (stupid amount of money)”

Barry: (fear)

Bruce, rolling with it rn: “yes, it is horrendous, isn’t it? Hows this- I’m in central city for a day. You can pay me back by showing me around?”

He then proceeds to string barry along on an honest to god DATE for shits and giggles. They go clothes shopping, they go to restaurants, Bruce pays for a big meal bc this is after a fight or something and Barry got hurt, his speedster comrade needs to EAT, damnit.

After all this, he gives a cheeky smile and lightly smooches Barry. “Thanks for the fun day, Mr. Allen.”

Barry, bright red and goo brained: “hah- mmhmm. Yeah…”

Batman 4, League 0

Oliver Queen

This one… Oliver is on guard. He’s twitchy and suspicious, turning down men flirting with him, people are starting to notice. But Bruce? Bruce just walks up at a party while “tipsy” and lays one on him. Straight up. He wants to show just how EASY it is. Because Oliver doesn't even register it. He just laughs and goes: “Hey Brucie! Miss me?”

Batman 5, League 0

Dinah Lance

Of course, immediately after above, he turns and pouts at canary.

Bruce: “Dinah darling, you are a saint, I don’t know how you put up with the mess he’s got on his face. He was so much nicer to kiss when we were in (fancy private school name drop) together and didn’t have all this nonsense.”

Dinah, laughing at Ollie’s offended noises: “Oh, I don’t mind it. He’s a good kisser.”

Bruce: “Of course he is, I taught him. Care to compare?”

Dinah: “Don’t mind if I do.”

Batman 6, league 0

Clark Kent

For Clark, Bruce is originally talking to Lois before he turns his eyes on a quiet Clark and croons: “So, Miss Lane, does this lovely specimen have his own questions, or is he arm candy? And if he’s the latter, can I either tempt him off you, or secure an invitation?”

Lois, an excellent friend who will absolutely set Clark up with the hottest bachelor in Gotham: “Well, Mister Wayne, I’ve got all I need. Clark, take a page from my book and honeytrap a good quote out of him, hm?”

With an obnoxious wink, she pats a spluttering Clark on the shoulder, and leaves him with a very smug Batman.

(Bonus Superbat- Clark and Bruce’s conversation is going REALLY WELL and to the point where both of them seem on board with more than a heavy makeout when Bruce puts a hand on Clarks chest.

Bruce: “Stop.”

Clark, freezing immediately: “I’m sorry, did I go too far-?”

Bruce: “No, no. I think I might be though. See, I have all of you now, and I’ve won the bet.”

Clark: “What are you- oh. Oh- HUH?”

Cue sudden and shocked revelation, Clark’s mind going a hundred miles an hour, and then skidding to a stop on- he only did this for the bet. He’s not really interested. He stopped because I went too far-

Bruce: “You only consented to a kiss without knowing my identity. Right now, I’d like to do more, if you’d let me.”

Clark has the dial-up tone ringing in his ears, he has no idea whats going on anymore, the hot billionaire and his reclusive teammate aren’t quite slotting into place, because he wants both but rhey’re so different but they’re the same but-

“Yes.”

Lois doesn’t get Clark back that night and she is delighted.)

Anyways, final results:

Batman: 7

League: 0

Reveal:

Batman talking shit about their secret identities again, Green Lantern is scoffing about it again, says something along the lines of: “You still think you’re sooooo great, huh? Hows the bet going, spooky?” Fully expecting Batman to get huffy with him.

Instead, Batman smirks.

He leans in

And purrs: “So you didn’t notice?”

The League freezes. The implications are dangling over their head. Did he… did he really?

Green Lantern, absolutely terrified: “No. no, there’s no way…”

Batman: “Oh, there absolutely was a way. I’d say you were a good kisser, but honestly? I think it might have been the euphoria of getting you to shut up.”

He turns on the rest of the league, still smirking. “I have kissed every single person who consented at least once in the time since the bet was made. Two of you with tongue. And no one has called me out on it. Now that you know it’s happened, you should be able to figure me out, so whoever can tell me my real name first, wont get thier story used as an example in the brand new “how to avoid honeypots” seminar.”

(If bonus superbat, B shoots Superman a Look and goes “except for you, superman, because I told you my name.” Which just ends up distracting everyone else until they get THAT story)

Diana wins bc she matched up the boys to the robins. Everyone else gets their stories told in excruciating detail. Batman rates them by kissing ability and how obvious he was on his approach. Oliver gets docked points for “texture.” Dinah gets docked points because “i griped about the exact same thing in and out of costume, how did you not notice-“

(Different reveal below)

@chaos-n-kindness @she-went-that-way @geekonaleash @redh00dsbf @howabouticallyou

#batman the playboy #autistic batman #justice leauge shennanigans #bruce wayne #long post #batman

2K notes · View notes

littlefankingdom · 17 days

Text

There are children running away from the system because of how bad it is, but CPS only cares about proving that this rich party-lover playboy isn't fit to be a guardian. Jason literally preferred to be homeless than in the system, but they only investigate when it's Bruce Wayne that takes him in.

#batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #robin #gotham #dc comics #my ramblings #they calm down after the first two but still #Gotham cps: I can excuse abuse but I draw the line at being a playboy #Batman: you can excuse abuse?#Bruce is even okay with Tim making an uncle up just to not go into the system this man doesn't trust them at all

226 notes · View notes

confused-wanderer · 3 months

Text

All the bats have their own ways of addressing other people.

Dick uses “kid, kiddo, buddy, friend”

Jason is similar, using “hey, kid, fucker”

Tim uses “you, *insert guys name or meme referring to guy*”

Stephanie uses “honey, friend, bud, *insert funny nickname*”

Damian uses “you,*insert what he considers whoever he’s talking to’s biggest flaw*

But Batman?

Batman uses “Love, princess, darling”

That’s how all the thirst traps started.

366 notes · View notes

ggvannba · 20 days

Text

i dont rlly like how bruce looks but its too late to care atp💔

#tumblr keeps stealing my saturation #why is he GREY #superbat #superbats #i can never remember the right tag #clark kent #superman #bruce wayne #batman #the batman #this is meant to be like. a less emo version of battinson #i love battinson but playboy brucie and intern clark kent my beloved #dc #doodles

154 notes · View notes

laracrofted · 7 months

Text

everyone shut up, i have a vision x

#don’t actually shut up come discuss #a playboy bob floyd who fights crime…#and needs you to stitch him up and tenderly kiss his bruises…#mood board and fic… coming soon… question mark #(it’s christian bale as bruce wayne if you don’t know)#robert bob floyd #batman!bob

174 notes · View notes

violent138 · 2 months

Text

Bruce Wayne, doing an interview after his secret identity got leaked: "Yes I've been operating for several years-- what? Why do you look so horrified?"

The reporter: "It's so weird hearing you speak without the Brucie voice."

Bruce:...

Bruce, changing his voice to be more amused and higher pitched: "Can we get back to the interview now?"

Reporter: "Was everything a lie?"

#obviously this is a joke if his identity got revealed one Lois Lane would be the first to get to interview him #or maybe Clark #but I think Lois #Bruce in time will come to miss the playboy persona #bruce wayne #identity shenanigans #batman #dc comics #my stupid headcanons

66 notes · View notes

arrowmaker15 · 3 months

Text

(Tim and Bruce in the living room at 4 a.m.)

Tim:

Bruce:

Tim: If you sleep with a pregnant woman, can it be considered a three-way?

Bruce: I expect those kinds of questions from Jason, but not from you.

Tim: Can it though?

Bruce:

Bruce: Hopefully not, because if it was, that would put me in a very uncomfortable situation.

Tim: Um, what?

#incorrect quotes #dc comics #incorrect dc quotes #batfam incorrect quotes #tim drake #bruce wayne #4am thoughts #Jesus Tim #but can it?#now I'm curious #dc incorrect quotes #dc #Bruce has definitely had at least 2 pregnancy three-ways #you don't get called Gotham's biggest and most depraved playboy for no reason #Bruce has dedication to his public persona

70 notes · View notes

oifaaa · 3 months

Note

Please rant about Alfred to me

I'm sorry but I can't I've already been too negative about him I need a cool off period so people don't think I'm just a grumpy bastard which I am but others don't need to know that besides now I'm turning over this street kid Bruce au (not ft. Alfred) and its driving me insane with all the possibilities

#ask #anon #when does bruce become batman in this world #when does he reveal that he is bruce wayne #comes out of hiding to reclaim his fortune #is it before or after he takes in Dick #does he even meet Dick at the circus if hes not playing at being playboy bruce on another date with viki vale

58 notes · View notes

kettlefire · 1 year

Text

I keep randomly think about this:

Imagine Batman revealing his identity to the league. He does it extremely nonchalant, the leaguers briefly wonder if he just forgot they were there for a moment.

Everyone takes the news relatively normal, and it's not that big of a deal. All just happy that Batman has officially trusted them 100%. No one really calls him Bruce though, especially not when he's in costume.

Thing is, they are constantly forgetting.

Not in the sense that Bruce Wayne is Batman. But that Batman is Bruce Wayne.

Every time Bruce unmasks in the safety of their shared space, they just get reminded of the fact.

The fact that Batman is so pretty.

The hero that strikes fear in the hearts of many criminals. The vigilante that has gone up against extreme foes. A man with no special powers aside from his mind. The world's greatest detective is a pretty playboy.

And sometimes, just sometimes, some of the heroes hit a buffering stage when Bruce does it in the middle of a conversation.

Maybe, just maybe, Bruce realizes it. Might just use it to his advantage while the effect is still there.

#dc batman #dcu #dcau #batman #justice league #superman #the flash #green lantern #clark kent #barry allen #hal jordon #bruce wayne #JL shenanigans #The leaguers just have a hard time connecting the man that scares them with the man that just got caught accidently stealing someones car #Bruce Wayne- airhead playboy billionaire #Batman- terrifying maybe not human #Their brains just can't connect the two #pretty boy brucie

476 notes · View notes

mzminola · 2 years

Text

I don’t know a lot about business rules but it is funny to me that in Red Robin Damian tries to take control of Wayne Enterprises away from Tim by filing votes of no confidence with the Board of Directors, because as far as I can tell the only thing that could accomplish is getting Tim out of the doubled-up CEO position, which Lucius Fox does all the work for anyway.

Bruce’s plan transferred all of his WE shares to Tim, and Bruce was described as the controlling shareholder, which means he either had over 50%, or at least over 25% and no one else had more. As far as my initial search can tell, there’s only two ways to oust a majority shareholder (an action which I presume returns the shares to the company and provides some sort of compensation?).

a) pre-existing company bylaws, which are usually code-of-conduct based. And we’d have to assume none of WE’s were written in a way that someone could’ve pulled a coup against Brucie.

b) a vote with a 75% majority, which is literally impossible here.

So Damian, uh, buddy? What did you think you were going to accomplish? The Board could vote to remove Tim from the CEO position, and then if he wants it back he just, uh, calls for a shareholder vote to replace the Board members who voted against him.

This is the kind of thing that leads to conflicting character interpretation. If we read this as Damian being serious, it means he’s not as competent as he pretends, because it can’t possibly accomplish his goal. If he is competent, it means he wasn’t serious, and this is just him lying to annoy Tim (and failing to do so because Tim just brushed him off, which was also funny).

Lucius could gives the shares and CEO gig to Tim because of a document Bruce wrote applying to himself. It’s not company bylaw. So unless Tim also writes a “what if I start acting reckless” legal document, there is literally no way for him to lose control of WE involuntarily.

Which, frankly, after all the weird tests Bruce put Tim through, is a nice show of trust.

#kinda rambling #Red Robin #theoretically there could be some kind of bylaw #that is applicable against Tim but wasn't used against Bruce #it's just EXTREMELY unlikely #if it's not code of conduct based than someone would've tried a coup this is Gotham #if it IS code of conduct base then the odds it can be apply to Tim but not Bruce's playboy public persona #is just #wildly unlikely #Damian Wayne #Tim Drake #DC #Batfam #comics meta #one action leading to two very different character readings

976 notes · View notes

alyakthedorklord · 10 months

Text

Part 3 of Batman the Playboy, in which I change my mind about the reveal in part 2:

Batman: “So you didn’t notice?”

-justice league record scratches-

GL, horrified: “No. there’s no way, there’s absolutely no way…”

Batman’s grin would fit better on a supervillain, before he suddenly, miraculously, transforms. He leans back, tilts his head, the smirk isn’t evil but instead inviting and amused: “Really, Mr. Jordan, your job is just so fascinating… tell me more about planes…”

GL: 😨

Batman, turning on the rest of the league, one by one, changing his body language ever so slightly for each person: “Mr. Allen, I do hope you’ll entertain me again if I’m ever back in central, I had a grand time. Dinah darling, I stand by what I said, Ollie was SO much nicer to kiss when we were in college. Princess, the boys and I are in your debt. Mr. Jones…”

Batman’s mind goes no thoughts, head empty. Martian Manhunter is both impressed and embarrassed, nodding in understanding as Batman turns to the final hero, smiling sweetly, brain still empty as a blank sheet of paper: “And, Mr. Kent…”

Batman steps closer, hand on Superman’s chest, hip cocked, Brucie Wayne smile in full effect: “Our conversation got… cut off, the other night, because I wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with me going further, which is a damn shame. Call on me, won’t you?”

Superman, realizing why a very eager Brucie Wayne stopped their makeout session short: “…huh? OH- um.. uh huh.”

Green Arrow, short circuiting: “No fucking- BRUCIE? How? How is that possible?”

Batman, backing away from a shutdown superman, the physical mask on his face hardly the most effective one in his arsenal: “Because I’m Batman.”

Bonus for @help-i-need-a-cool-username: Hal Jordan STILL doesn’t know who bruce wayne is.

a few months later:

GL: “So this big old money billionaire guy in gotham is connected to this, i think he’s called Wayne or smth.”

Justice league: “…”

Flash, had a FULL DAY of Brucie and was VERY aware of who he was with: “Uh… Hal?”

Green Lantern, who heard Bruce’s name in passing, while distracted, under loud club music + has tried to erase that night from his memory: “what?”

Batman, under his breath: “We can find your secret identity so easily, batman, you’re not that good, Batman, we’re just being polite, Batman.” Sure you fucking can, Jordan. You know, it’s polite to remember the names of people who you’ve fondled.”

#batman the playboy #dc prompt #bruce wayne #justice league #justice league shennanigans #autistic batman

2K notes · View notes

feartoxinjelloshot · 3 months

Text

STARBOY

#scribbles #clipsverse #bruce wayne #obligatory starboy album cover inspired drawing. the weeknd was cooking with those colors #vampire playboy bruce wayne etc

35 notes · View notes

vigilvntes · 1 year

Text

i cant stop thinking about 2022 bruce wayne becoming almost a meme in gotham city because of how Fucking Done™️ he is with everything and everyone when he's forced to leave the tower and turn up to a function. there's pictures circulating facebook of him with the deadest look behind his eyes while he's talking to some politician with top text bottom text captions. there's videos of him literally jumping out of his skin whenever someone tries to approach him making their rounds on twitter (like how he fucking jumped when bella reál approached him at the funeral). and there's clips circulating tiktok of him giving the most unhinged, out of pocket responses to interviewers because he has no filter and his mouth runs faster than the cogs in his head can turn sometimes. and i feel like he would hate it at first, and he would try his hardest to Be Normal when he's in public but because he's trying too hard to Be Normal he just ends up becoming even more of a meme. and everyone just ends up falling in love with him even more because they find him relatable.

like okay yes, he's bruce wayne. yes, he has money and wealth. but he's not one of THOSE rich assholes. he's just a guy. he's awkward and tired and unintentionally funny and he embarrasses himself sometimes and it's kinda endearing to the public.

there's also an online forum dedicated to him smiling in public. people go on there to document rare instances of a bruce wayne smile. when, why, where, etc. but everyone calls bullshit on the claims because no one ever seems to have a picture of it because let's be honest, in public it's kind of a blink and you'll miss it event. the first time someone manages to take a picture of him grinning the whole internet blows up and the pic spreads like wildfire. it gets posted on every social media platform, every newspaper plasters it on the front page, everyone in gotham has bruce wayne smiling as their twitter pfps.

i just love the idea of gotham adopting him as their own little meme and Favourite Rich Guy. like when they talk about the rich assholes that run the city they have to add "not you, bruce wayne. never you".

and like, thinking about him downloading tiktok one night just to see what people are saying about him or the batman (and to anonymously argue in batman's defence, he doesn't care what they say about bruce wayne but batman ... he's gonna defend). he's scrolling and liking the occasional video and then he stumbles across one of those 'sing if you find them attractive' videos and he sees his face. so then he finds another one. and he's on there again. and again. and again. and again. until he's throwing his phone across the room and staring at it like it's just bit him. he'd be freaked out, because WHY is he in the same video as like.... IDRIS ELBA. but he'd also he kinda flattered, and he'll take the self esteem boost.

(also thinking about him going out to the store as bruce wayne, dressed in the most hideous outfit known to man, just to see what people say about it. just to see whether it gets a smash or a pass on tiktok)

also you cant tell me people wouldn't thirst over the batman. the first time bruce sees a 'sing if you find them attractive' with a picture of the batman he deletes tiktok, turns his phone off and doesn't touch it for 3 whole weeks.

anyway. just a thought. i don't know. i just really love the idea of Public Figure Bruce Wayne.

#everyone be quiet liz is speaking #i really hope they don't go the playboy route in reeves' batman #i hope they keep him quiet and awkward and tired #batman #bruce wayne #battinson #the batman

299 notes · View notes