Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.

And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.

That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.

Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.

Obikin-fan!you made me question my whole view of their dynamic which... I've changed my mind. Seeing them as brothers is awesome, my desperate-for-brotherhood-6yo self totally bought into obi-wan's "you were like a brother to me" and fed onto this for years. But then you barged in with your romantic!obikin and I had to sit with my thoughts for a second cause my first reaction was "but Obi-Wan is too old for Anakin!!! he is an adult when he meets ani who isn't even a teen and..." and Padme is the same age as Obi-Wan and that never bothered me??? But then it's ✨️ canonical ✨️ and ✨️ straight ✨️ so it seems more acceptable? Nah I'm not buying this anymore, which means that I have no more arguments against the ship and ughhh but also yay... It's not that I'm diving right into it at the moment but damn I might

I can hear you chanting "one of us" as I'm typing this btw

One of us one of us one of us one of us

To be fair Obikin have an age difference of 16 years and Anidala have an age difference of 5 years so it's not exactly the same age range, and Padmé didn't contribute to raising him. Personally the way they interact once Anakin is older kind of makes me kind of like see past it (+ I really don't care about age gaps in fiction) but it's totally valid and fair to see it as purely platonic. The only thing that isn't valid is calling someone a pedophile and/or incestuous over characters who don't exist, but you're free to have your own vision of said characters and even think it's really kinda weird that some people are into them as romantic partners (and also personally I dislike people who downplay the importance of their relationship in the narrative and to each other)

The way I see it, the war changes their dynamic a lot: in ep2 Obi-Wan is responsible for Anakin, he's his master, and you can tell they're kind of struggling there because Anakin doesn't want to do what Obi-Wan says and Obi-Wan is kind of tired of his shit. That would make a relationship pretty iffy morally (not that it can't be hot honestly), but after Geonosis Anakin is knighted, he's not Obi-Wan's responsibility, and they have three years of fighting side by side as equals. That's a much better start for a romance, because they're on equal footing, and they spend a lot of time together doing ambiguously romantic things (I won't say "friends don't do that" because we know that's bullshit but like, they act in ways that can easily be interpreted as romantic, or that would generally be read as romantic without context).

The "you're like a father to me"/"you were my brother" lines I don't discard because they're really interesting but I see the romantic aspect of their relationship as kind of like - listen these two have really untangled lives! Obi-Wan was Anakin's kind of father figure but also his mentor, and Anakin was Obi-Wan's responsibility and his apprentice but also his brother, that's a lot of complex roles and a lot of facets to a relationship that we know is close - they fly in sync at the start of ep3, Obi-Wan knows what to say to get Anakin to cheer up in the elevator in ep2, they know each other, they mean a lot to each other, Anakin clearly doesn't care about having normal healthy relationships and Obi-Wan loves him more than anything he could ever do wrong (that's a quote from Andor but there's a reason it gets reused a lot for this ship), why not ALSO make them fuck & kiss y'know?

That said you don't have to jump on the ship immediately or at all! Personally I find them super compelling (and also extremely canonical if you look at all the stuff they share) but SW is so big that there's always something that's perfect for you, whatever that is. Anyway. I like them a normal amount.

karasuno first years out late w/ their s/o

request: Could you write how 1st years (yachi too pls🥺) going out with their s/o late at night ?

a/n: this is such a cute little concept i -- 

[KARASUNO FIRST YEARS OUT LATE AT NIGHT WITH THEIR S/O]

-tsukishima, kageyama, yamaguchi, hinata, yachi

tsukishima kei.

not gonna lie, he’s often awake late at night. he’s a night owl and doesn’t mind sacrificing his sleep to watch some youtube videos

occasionally, he even goes out late at night, slipping past his parents and brother’s room and softly closing the front door with his headphones covering his ears and his hands stuffed in his pockets

so when you text him at 3am and ask if he can go out with you to the convenience store, he agrees in seconds to meet you at the halfway point between your houses

wastes no time in putting on his sneakers and a hoodie; he wants to get there quickly so that you aren’t left out by yourself

tsukishima knows there’s creeps out there, which is exactly why he jogs to the halfway point and is relieved when he’s the first one there

as soon as he sees you in the distance he fast walks to catch up to you, and slips his hand into yours

he totally brings bluetooth earbuds so that you two can listen to the same music instead of his wired headphones <3 uwu

is always on the lookout for any weirdos, and if he spots someone eyeing you up he shoots them the nastiest glare

eventually wraps his arms around your shoulder while your hand is sitll in his and its that cute little thing where your arms is across your chest holding his hand </3

pays for whatever you get at the store, ignores your complaints and tells you to shut up when you continue to insist on paying

“im trying to be a good boyfriend for once, for the love of god PLEASE shut up”

secretly takes a candid photo of you at some point in the night and sets it as his home screen -- NOT his lock screen, and when you see it he outright denies having taken it

tsukishima: you told me to take a picture of you

you: stop lying i know you’re a closet hopeless romantic 

convinces you to stop at the park and eat the snacks you both got there, music still humming in your ears as the moonlight washes you both in cool tones

tsukishima when he’s alone with you is so soft -- he literally kisses your hand and temple and mutters very softly “love you” 

all in all, tsukishima kei is the perfect night-owl boyfriend to go on snack-runs with 

kageyama tobio.

"why would i go out right now. do you know what time it is. i have practice in the morning”

kags really out here kinda hurtin’ your feelin’s ngl boy doesn’t understand the vibes LOL

honestly you probably woke him up, he’s asleep at like ten every night (even tho he still has homework to do he just flat-out ignores it LOL) 

only agrees to go out walking with you because you said he could bring his volleyball and you’d toss a few for him....and also because he’s a little worried because it’s so dark out

doesn’t walk with you to the park but meets you there LOL

he deadass has his wholeass duffel bad with the ball, two waterbottles, two towelettes, volleyball sneakers and everything

“you know,,,,we’re not playing a game, right, tobio?”

“yeah???? and??? what’s your point”

acts nonchalant but is totally having fun and is lowkey glad you asked him to go out so late because it’s cool out, there’s no one to bother him, and you just look...really good under the stars

he’s not a cheesy person but...god you just take his breath away sometimes. not that he’ll ever say that though

you ask to take a break like thirty minutes in because you are LITERALLY dying meanwhile he hasn’t even broken a sweat (”you’re already tired? maybe you should workout more” “shut UP kageyama”)

you both sit on the bench, and you’re lowkey waiting for him to reach for your hand but they’re just folded in his lap as he stares out in the nothingness of night

kageyama can’t take a hint. we know this. he’s incapable of knowing what you want unless you flat out tell him; so you have to be a very honest person

he doesn’t even really initiate skinship, not because he doesn’t want to, but just because it never really crosses his mind

plus he doesn’t feel the need to constantly show affection because he thinks it’s obvious that he likes you

despite this, he is good at spotting weird people, and he’s pretty protective of you, so you’re completely safe with him. trust him, he’ll keep you safe

all in all, have patience and stamina because kags will play volleyball with you until you pass out. also, he loves you 

yamaguchi tadashi.

is in bed by 11pm but doesn’t actually go to sleep until two am because he’s scrolling through tiktok on his phone

sees your text about wanting to go out for a late night walk and maybe go through the little forest near your house and automatically sends a text that says “ill meet you at your window! can you pack some snacks? :)”

he walks all the way to your house, even if it’s more convenient to meet halfway because he wants to protect you! he’s not the strongest nor is he the most intimidating, so all he really has to offer is his presence

despite not being strong nor scary, yams literally has eagle eye. you can’t tell me that he can’t read people in a heartbeat -- he’s extremely perceptive 

also texts you to not bring a jacket because he’s bringing on of his own for you !!! so sweet what the hell

he waits at your front door and when you step out he automatically pushes his volleyball jacket into your hands and he takes the bag of snacks from you and sticks out one of his hands UGH such a gentleman

lets you ramble about anything and stares at your side profile as he listens 

joins in with a few quips here and there but ultimately is pretty quite and lets you speak or lets the silence cozy into the conversation

sees that there’s a guy sitting on a bench up the road and he switches places with you so that you’re further away from the stranger 

also wraps a protective hand around your waist until you both are past the random dude but yams will glance behind yall every once in a while

when you two reach the mini forest he ends up taking the lead claiming that he knows a good spot

and damn, he’s right

it’s a little clearing that is illuminated solely by the moonlight and he sets the bag of snacks down beside him before sitting down himself, apologizing for not bringing a blanket that you two could sit on 

pats the spot next to him so that you sit right beside him and he leans back with his hand on yours ONGMIRG 

is the super cheesy type and tells you that you look really pretty and that,,,he kind of wants to kiss you

you: *experiencing heart palpitations* and you did this for what. 

yamaguchi: ...because i love you?

you: *K.O*

all in all, yamaguchi is the boyfriend that completely indulges your late-night escapades <3 

hinata shoyo.

is either completely fast asleep and doesn’t see your text or was awake and not planning to sleep for the next five hours, no in-between

but if he’s awake and sees your text, he agrees right away and asks where you want to meet up and what time because homeboy probably has to bike to get there AgAGAGAGA

literally doesn’t even show up in sneakers. he’s wearing sandals and shorts with a short sleeve top 

“i came in my pjs”

“i see that.”

asks if you two can bike around instead because he doesn’t want to have to wheel his bike around for like an hour 

he tells you to hold on tight because the bike was built for one person, and when you press against his back his warmth is literally so,,,comforting 

has no sense of awareness and will scream going down a hill in the middle of a neighborhood, no fucks given

so, no, he doesn’t notice any weriod people even if there are some around

you always end up running into some weird people and you get new interesting stories every other day because let’s be honest hinata is a magnet for crazy shit and crazy people (usually crackheads) 

you both just ride around as he talks about his day, usually his sister always comes up in the conversation( “she asked me to marry you the other day” “doirhgAEROIHFGRE SHOYO WHAT” “what? i told her i would. i keep my promises!”)

after like thirty minutes he begs for a break and you stop at a little 24/7 ice cream store that is run by the sweetest elderly couple

you share a sundae because you don’t want to eat too much this late at night

he plops on the bench right outside the store with his bike leaning against the metal handles, and h snuggles up to you and watches you scroll on your phone

he talks a little here and there, but for the most part, he goes quiet, and it’s during this time where you’re unaware of his gaze that he just takes his time drinking in your features in the yellow light of the lamppost 

he can’t read the mood most times, but this time he does, and he stays quiet, and he thinks to himself

that he really will marry you one day

all in all, hinata gives you the impulsive young teenage experience of late night bike rides while eating his fair share of ice cream

yachi hitoka.

another either or, except this time she’s either fast asleep or stressing over homework and the nine tests she has the next day

when you ask if she can go on a walk with you she’s hesitant because she doesn’t want to get in trouble with her mom and she’s a total goody goody and terrified of doing anything reckless; but then she remembers that her mom was on a business trip and so she, very cautiously, says yes

you: good. i’m outside your door btw

yachi: i never had a choice did i

you have to meet her at her house because she’s way too scared to walk by herself at night; she might even make you factime her as you commute because she’s worried for you

jumps at every little thing, even the crows cawing make her shit herself

instictively grabs onto your sleeve and nervously look around the entire time, to the point where she doesn’t hear what you say

so you offer to go to a little cafe that’s still open and right away she nods

she’s so adorable, she bows really deeply when you two walk into the store and apologizes for it being so late

and finally, because you two are safe, she’s calm and smiling as she sips at her strawberry smoothie

awkwardly and very shyly reaches out for your hand on the table and gently lays her palm on yours

canon: yachi totally has freckles and you can’t convince me otherwise 

her face is red and her freckles are just on display you can’t help but coo at her and tuck some hair behind her ear because god could she get any cuter?

you two end up staying for like a hour and a half and very shyly she asks if you could walk her home 

and this time on the walk she’s not overly cautious and seems to enjoy the nighttime breeze and your hand softly clasping hers

does that cute thing where she lays her head on your shoulder or arm while you both are walking and looks up at you through her eyelashes and asks if you could give her a kiss on the cheek </3

you: stop. please. im going to die.

when you’re at her door she literally just stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before tilting her head upwards and pressing her lips to yours and then promptly running inside

video calls you three seconds afterwards to make sure you get home safely 

all in all, you might need to be the impulsive one, but yachi enjoys spending late night time with you more than she admits. also please kiss her thanks      

ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues.  My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way.  Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand.  Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

Out of all the snk shipping fandoms, which one do you think is the best/most wholesome? And which one is the worst/most toxic? Reminder that we’re talking about fandoms here and not ships (btw even tho I hate ereri I can’t help but love your art about it, it’s just amazing and hilarious, keep it up!)

Interesting question! As you might know, we don’t consider ourselves a part of any shipping fandom (or any fandom in general), so we can only talk about how we (and people we know) were treated by them. There won’t be much of an “inside” experience, because well we’re not “inside” any of these. And a lot of it is “people who ship X tend to shit on Ereri absolutely unprovoked at every chance they get, so we really don’t like them” lol

Obligatory and very obvious: loving a certain ship doesn’t make you a good/bad person, and there are a lot of wholesome people in any shipping fandom: we’ve met a lot of very kind, helpful and open-minded folks during these two years. So if any of you read this and think “oh, I ship X too, and this doesn’t sound like me or my friends at all”, chances are I’m not talking about you. But there’s always a possibility that peeps that you interact with in your shipping circle are pretty nice to you, but super mega shitty to others. Whether you ignore this type of behavior or not is up to you. I just want all the harassment to stop, because frankly we’re very tired.

As someone who ships Ereri, we’ve experienced and witnessed a lot lol especially on twitter. The most vocal ones would be Levihan, Eremin and Eruri fandoms I suppose.

With Eruri fandom, we’ve heard a lot of stories about some people bashing Zevi and attacking Zevi shippers + we’ve witnessed the great Eruri vs Ereri war, so of course we know how pretentious and rude they can get. There are people who felt like they were exiled from the Eruri shipping fandom for either shipping any other character with Levi or just seeing characters and their relationships differently (i.e. not seeing them as wholesome husbands or preferring Levi to bottom which is apparently a sin for Eruris too sometimes nowadays???). Although it’s important to mention that I feel like Eruri shippers know how shitty the anti stuff is better than a lot of other communities, so I don’t feel the same aggression from them at this moment.

If we’re talking twitter, based on what we and our friends have experienced, the most aggressive groups seem to be Levihan and Eremins. When I go through my blocking sprees and block everyone who hates on Ereri or Zevi or Eruri (well, mostly Ereri), ~88% of the accs happen to be either Eremin or Levihans. When someone writes a long-ass thread to attack a content creator, it always happen to be either of these two, and I have no idea why. A lot of them are also minors who act like the way they harass others is perfectly justified. I legit see stuff like “besties let’s spoil snk for ereris” and “let’s bully ereris and tell them to kys” every time I search ereri on twitter. And I’ve seen enough of Levihan folks saying shit like Eruris being criminals because Erwin is basically a nazi + spreading misinformation about popular artists just out of spite… extremely annoying stuff. Actually, I think you’re the first LH person who’s been kind to us lol

Also don’t get the idea that there are no toxic people in the Ereri community, because this simply isn’t true. Like I said, every fandom has its own clique and a certain level of toxicity, and it’s stupidly easy to be the “wrong one” here, at least it used to when we just started posting. People who’ve been following us for a while know that we used to get a lot of crap for making Levi a bottom on all of our drawings and not wanting characters to switch. It’s such a stupid reason to get harassed, who the fuck cares whether a character tops or bottoms in a drawing??? And yet we’ve been told that a lot of harassment has happened because of it + experienced it ourselves. I think the only reason we don’t get harassed for it very often nowadays is because of a luxury of being a kind of a big art account. It’s much easier to attack smaller ones who don’t have any power or connections, especially when they’re insecure and want to fit in with the fandom.

Now for some reason some people now think that we (me and Katsu) block people for loving top!Levi or bottom!Eren… this isn’t true. I admit that I can get petty when I block people, but it’s always about their attitude and never about their preferred ship or character’s position. Whether you like something or not is none of our business, and we never criticized what others like, so it’s kind of offensive that people think we’d act that way towards others when we ourselves experienced the same treatment for making Levi bottom every single time. It’s childish and disgusting, and I really don’t want people to think of us as someone who approves of this behavior.

Top!Levi stans act pretty toxic too sometimes, not only in Ereri (well Riren) community. The majority of comments about our Levi being ooc, looking like a child and being too horny and blushy we got from them, they get straight-up OFFENDED by our Levi. We’ve talked about how people are afraid to make Levi into anything but a serious and stoic manly man a lot in the past… And this is the only reason we get defensive when people ask us about top!Levi. But still, we never block anyone because of their preferences. This assumption is very... idk yikes, and more disgusting is the fact that people very easily jump to this conclusion, like... seriously? That’s what you think about us? So much for “uwu our supportive shipping fandom community”.

Shippers of het ships can get quite toxic too, especially after the finale. Some of Eremika peeps got wild, and you’ve probably seen our replies about it and that one Anon who got very upset with our reply about Eren. For some reason, when you post something het-related, there’s always going to be a person saying shit like “NAAAH HE LOVES X, NOT HER”, as if any of this matters. They are the type to whine about Eruri shippers ruining beautiful friendship between Erwin and Levi with their homo sexy stuff. They’re often disrespectful: shit in your comments, belittle other ships with comments like “well THIS is much better than X”, and overall make the experience very uncomfortable. For some reason they just can’t enjoy their darn ships without shitting on others.

Anyhow. I know this reply sounds like “everyone’s a shithead” lol, but once again: sadly, there are nasty people in almost every shipping circle, this is unavoidable. And it’s easier to mark them as “shippers of X”, because they often act like a clique or high school bullies or something. And even though there are a lot of very nice people, I tend not to associate them with any shipping community: it’s just a pleasant and cool person who we had fun communicating with, and who just happen to ship X, Y and Z.

Maybe… it’s fair to say that we dislike fandoms, but talking to people who are kind, polite and excited about the same things that we are, is always great.

Siiigh, hope I didn’t bore you to death with this reply. Thank you for giving us an opportunity to talk about this! And for enjoying my art and being open-minded :)

han jisung + fluff + smut

☾ 

request: for @hannie-squirrel00 : Heeeyyy lovely🥰 I've been reading your Stray Kids imagines which I am loving btw😍🤩 and I wanted to ask you if you could do a smut for me with Jisung please? If you need anything let me know and also could you make it long? Thank you soo soo much🥰🥰 word count: 4.2k words warnings; cunnilingus, unprotected sex, blowjob, fluffyyyy

Ugly Sweaters

"And the loser is... y/n! Congratulations to all the players~"

You sigh, knowing this was coming. The rest of the night is spent drinking and laughing along to stupid jokes. You stay along with your best friend and roommate, Chaerim. She was extremely tipsy for a pre-Christmas party, and you wanted to stay by her side before she gets kidnapped by an odd guy.

You were at your college friend’s residence, celebrating the last day of November before the beginning of the festive month. All of you played games until one of your friends proposed a game of beer pong, where the winner would choose the punishment for the loser. After the winner was decided, Chan, you knew he was going to go hard on the loser. A few moments are dedicated to thinking, and he replies.

"The loser has to wear ugly Christmas sweaters for the next 25 days until Christmas Eve."

And when the loser was judged, you, Chan's eyes filled with pity after imagining you wearing an ugly yellow-colored sweater filled with clashing decorations. He laughed awkwardly, not wanting to tense the atmosphere around you. Of course, you weren't upset, it was just a game. The next few weeks at work were off, you didn't have college, so you would stay at your apartment under the comforts of your ugly sweater.

On the day before the first day of the Christmas month, November 30, you went shopping to buy sweaters with Chaerim. Your eyes filled with awe as you looked at all the latest collection of sweaters, heart-melting, and bank account shivering. You start to think that this challenge wasn’t terrible for you since you could save your money now!

But that didn't stop your shopping partner from practically throwing her money everywhere she found a cute sweater. Hell, the sweater wouldn't even cover her torso, and it would still tumble into the shopping cart to get along with its other rich mates. Meanwhile, you move towards the nearly isolated section of the store, searching for an ugly, but presentable hoodie to satisfy your friends' growing impatience on the group chat, asking for your picture in the outfit.

You spot an employee from your peripheral vision, looking at you with his booklet and pen in hand. He walks over to you and you turn around to face him with a handful of sweaters drowning you. He chuckles before speaking.

"Excuse me, do you need help with those?"

"Uh... Yes please."

You pick up feet shuffling away as you stand there behind the pile of wool. You hear wheels rolling when you peek from behind the pile in your hands to see the employee bringing a shopping cart for you. You thank him as you dump the pile into the cart, resting your arms after holding the weight.

"Thank you... Jisung", you say smiling as you notice the name on his tag reading 'Han Jisung'.

"Oh, don't worry it's my job. Why the ugly sweaters though? Lost a bet?"

You chuckle, "Lost a game. It was bad." He laughs along as he fixes some clothes falling out of the trolley. You take this moment of silence as an opportunity to check him out. Han Jisung was slim. He had a petite figure —small waist, narrow shoulders— but he was well built. His white button-up hugged his arms and waist at the right place. He had a good pair of thighs, his black slacks acting like a second skin on the limbs.

"So... I'm gonna go now, my friend's waiting for me. I hope we meet again!", you bubble, waving the male a goodbye. He smiled and went back to work, noting down some price tag values and clicking his pen close. You walk over to Chaerim, her cart overflowing with accessories and dresses that were maybe more expensive than your entire wardrobe.

"Chae, honey, we're shopping for the week. Not for the decade," you cautioned, eyeing her shopping cart. Chaerim was rich, anyone could tell. But she was humble. She wouldn't brag about her riches, but also couldn't box her shopaholic nature when she saw the designer fabric and exceptional perfume. Those were her weaknesses, and she might as well live off without a family, but no new clothes? She would die.

You stand in line as you see Jisung run-up to the next cashier counter, filling in the empty spot. You feel a tug at your arm, and only register your friend pulling you towards him. He smiles at your friend before looking at you, beaming like the sunshine. He scans your clothes, which took twenty minutes due to Chaerim buying nearly three-fourth of the store before handing over the receipt to you two. Chaerim pays for it and as she types in her credit card password in the machine, Jisung asks–

"So, what's your name?"

"y/n", you smile, mentally beating yourself up for not saying it the first time you met. You and Chaerim grab the bags of clothes as you waddle up to the exit, stopped by the call of your name.

"Hey! Wait for a second!"

You and your roommate turn on your heels to face a breathless Jisung as he hands a credit card your way. You look at Chaerim as she makes eye contact with you and you metaphorically slap her. If it weren't for Jisung, your friend would have to pick food out of a trash can.

"You can leave those here, you know. I'll deliver them at your place", Jisung nervously suggests, gesturing his hands as if trying to pry the bags away from you. You smile at him and nod as he takes out his notepad and writes down the address Chaerim dictates him. Your friend hands the bags to Jisung and leaves to call a cab, leaving you and the boy alone to hoard aside your wares. As you turn to leave, Jisung stops one last time, scratching the back of his neck.

"Can I have your number?"

You cock an eyebrow at the question amusingly. He notices your reaction, quickly jumping to clarify his words.

"I— I meant if I couldn't find your address! I don't wanna get in someone's pants after 10 minutes of conversation!"

"So if our talk lasted longer, you would ask my number to get in my pants, am I right?"

"Yes! I... I mean no! I—" he huffs out, pouting his lips as he failed to make you understand his true intentions.

"Okay okay, I'm just kidding. Here, note it down", you giggle at his softness, giving your number to him. You run back out the store as you look at Chaerim enter a taxi, running over to the vehicle and hopping inside

You and Chaerim order takeout on the way home, and you couldn't stop smiling at the interaction you had with Jisung. Your friend noticed your happiness, twirling her fingers at the base of your hair.

"Who's my lover girl thinking about, hm?"

"Hey! I'm not thinking about anyone", you mumble, grinning as your thoughts flood with Jisung's smiley and bubbly face. You hear a scoff, followed by an “As our lover girl says”, from next to you as you elbow your friend in her sides, laughter filling the cab.

You reach home and get ready for bed, phone dinging with notifications as you open your group chat to view texts from your desperate and thirsty friends. You even notice a few from Chaerim, giggling at her stupidity. You tell them all to wait since the clothes were on their way, and that was enough to blow up your phone even more; a few texts from people who you didn't even know were enquiring about the ugly sweaters.

As you brew yourself and your roommate a hot chocolate, you hear your phone ringing. You look at the unknown number ringing you and you pick up, thinking it was Jisung who couldn't find your apartment.

"Hello, ther—"

"Good Evening Madam! You are the lucky winner of our raffle round! You have won a car and a grand prize of one million dollars! All you need to do is send in your social security number as well as passport details to receive the pri—"

You hang up, annoyed at the loud voice of the call center employee. If anything, they should've hired someone with a voice like Jisung's, soft, polite, kind, and actually convincing. Realizing you wouldn’t be able to meet him then, you forget about the call, sipping from your drink. You hear your phone ring again as you pick up without looking at the caller ID.

"You better listen to me right now. I miserably need a car and definitely need a million dollars, but if I had to give out my social security number around like cupcakes, you can consider shoving those prizes right up your as— "

"Y/n! What are you talking about?" A surprised voice speaks through the phone. You realize it wasn't from the caller this time, but from Jisung on the other side. You absolutely hated yourself and wanted nothing more than Han Jisung himself tossing you into outer space.

"Listen, it's okay, that's happened to me too, and it was to my boss, which is even worse. Now don't ask if I did it intentionally or not, because that would get me fired." he laughed across the static line, making you at ease and snicker too.

"Anyway, so there's this huge stationery shop, that's your building yeah?"

"Yep"

"Great. I'm on my way!"

"Thanks, Jisung!" you squeal, thanking the boy for his kind intentions. You wait at the door for the boy to bring your clothes. It was as if you were attracted to him like he was a magnet and you a piece of iron. He was sweet, caring, helpful, not to mention very attractive and probably the best boyfriend one could ask for.

You jolt as you hear the doorbell ring, quickly shuffling to open the gate. You see Jisung standing at the doorway with his hands filled with nearly five full bags of garments. You offer him to come in and have some hot chocolate and sit down since he must be tired from delivering the huge stack of clothes all the way down to your house.

He politely denies the offer, talking about coming over some other time, preferably when he wasn't doing night shifts. You felt pity for him since he had to work even during Christmas Eve. You smile and wave him goodbye until he leaves out of your sight, tossing the feeling of your heart rapidly thumping against your ribs aside, getting ready to send your annoying friends a picture of you in your new outfit, your first ugly sweater out of the other twenty-four you were going to be forced to wear not only by your annoying classmates but also your roommate.

You do the usual routine, brush your teeth, clean your makeup, get comfortable and cuddle up next to your teddy bear plushie. You think about Jisung one last time before dozing off and place your teddy bear’s paw above your head, smiling at the feeling of your roommate’s soft hands carding through your scalp to get you to sleep.

••••

A few days pass by, and Jisung still hasn't left your mind. You always hover your finger above the call button, to at least hear his voice once. You had never behaved that way, to say the least. Even Chaerim noted how your eyes would glisten and shine at the mere mention of Jisung's name. How you would shy down under your blankets when she would ask you about him. And when the day to buy the next batch of ugly sweater rolled along, you couldn't control your happiness.

You practically ran towards the store, looking for not only the sweaters but for a particular someone. You smile when your eyes land on Jisung and you try playing it cool as if you haven’t been thinking of him all week. But when he locked eyes with you, he was the one whose heart rate skyrocketed. He squealed and ran towards you, grabbing you by your arm and taking towards the latest collection of hideous sweaters. Chaerim looked over at the two of you with doe eyes, happy that her best friend was finally getting hooked up and wouldn't be a lone wolf at Christmas.

You and Jisung had grown closer over the next few days, with you meeting him after his shifts with your new bright green hoodies and yellow sweaters. You would get a few looks and laughs here and there, but it was all a joke. You liked Jisung, and you knew he liked you back. Stating that the two of you had become inseparable was an understatement. You two were basically connected by the waist and would spend the smallest moment away from work with each other. Albeit, you two hadn't confessed.

It was only two days for Christmas now, and even Chaerim’s boyfriend had come over. It would always disappoint you that you had to sleep out on the couch when your roommate would share intimate moments with him. Not because of the simple fact that your bed was taken away from you, but because you couldn't do the same to her with Jisung. Even you wanted Jisung to kiss you, to touch you in places you've never let even the closest people touch you, to have sex with you.

To tell you he loves you.

••••

At last, it was Christmas. Your overly excited roommate had tied up mistletoes around the house. You had invited Jisung over to spend the night together since Chaerim would be busy with her partner. You and Jisung would randomly yell out a 'kiss! you're under the mistletoe!' to the couple whenever they would cross from under the leaves, earning a groan from either one of the two. You two would chuckle and sit in one position, not moving from the couch so that they didn't have the opportunity to take revenge.

You feel someone shuffling behind you when you look back at Minho holding up something above the two of you. Chaemin crosses her hands and taps her feet smirking as she opens her mouth to leave words you weren't planning on hearing for the rest of the evening.

"Kiss, honey. You're under the mistletoe", She grins, her plan working as she wanted it. You huff, mumbling a "That's not fair" to the older couple looking down at you two. You look at Jisung, who just smiles smugly and shrugs as if suggesting that you two have no other option.

He shifts in his place, making your insides shiver as he places his hand on your jaw, leaning in to meet your lips. His lips feel like cotton candy on yours, your strawberry flavored chapstick blending with his make-shift saliva covered lips.

You pull away, anxiety instead of blood coursing through your nerves. Looking away and not making eye-contact with Jisung, you make a mental note of killing your roommate and her boyfriend once you find the right moment. Jisung rubs his palm against the flesh of your thigh in an attempt to stop your veins from getting jittery. Instead, the touch does the complete opposite, making fire rage in your body. You clear your throat glancing at Chaerim and Minho and walk to the kitchen after announcing that you were going to get you all some snacks.

That night, you and Jisung were exceptionally quiet. It felt as if you two were out of topics to talk about when in reality, you didn't want to face each other. You suddenly feel regret, thinking that maybe if you hadn't invited Jisung, he wouldn't have been embarrassed, and maybe your friend would still remain.

It was late at night when you all sat down in a circle, holding three to four gifts each between your legs. You were nervous and excited, curious as to what Jisung had bought you. Chaerim started, who received a silver ring from Minho, followed by Minho, who got tickets to his favorite artist's concert from his partner. He hooted and the pair kissed a filthy kiss, making you young chicks look away. You look at Jisung and gag, making him laugh at your cute faces.

You motion Jisung to open the gift you had given him, and he obliges. He opens the wrapper to reveal an expensive album record that he had been dying to buy but couldn't since he was short in money. He fist-bumped the air, jumping up and dancing a cute dance while chanting 'I'm so happy' over and over.

"Open your's, quick!"

By now all eyes were on you since you were the last one to open your gift. Minho shoots a 'hope it isn't a five-dollar bill' to Jisung, earning a face from the younger. You smile and open your gift, revealing a red-colored oversized sweater covered in white pearls and green beads. Your mouth hangs agape as you look over at Jisung and back at the dress.

"I saw you swooning over this when we first met, so I thought it would make the perfect gift", he speaks nonchalantly, waving off the fact that he could've bought ten of the album records he'd been dying to buy all these weeks with the money he spent on one sweater for you.

You jump up and hug him as your lips meet, this time both of you sharing the affection. This was how you wanted your kiss with Jisung to be like –slow, passionate and loving, not forced and under pressure of people watching you. You hear the older two yells “Get a room!” as you smile into the kiss, his hands snaking down to your waist.

All of you decide to watch a movie, which was ultimately ditched by Chaerim and Minho because they were sleepy as they prance into your and Chaerim’s shared bedroom, preparing to keep the neighbors awake all night with their sinful sounds. You and Jisung were left under the covers, cuddling into each other. He looks at you and opens his mouth to ask you something, words stuck in his throat as you’re facing the screen, your soft features illuminated by nothing but the bright light from it.

“Did you enjoy the kiss before?”

You frown in confusion, “If I said no, will you make me feel better?”

You feel the couch shift next to you and you turn towards him completely, his hands running up and down your sides. You cup his soft cheeks and pull him into a kiss, the sensation being both feverish and passionate. He pulls you closer to him, making you straddle his legs. You lick your lips before diving back in, pushing yourself onto him so that he lies down on the couch. You lay atop him, and he grazes his tongue against your lips as you permit him entrance. You bite his bottom lip, bubbling a small whine out of him. Only through the light provided by the television, you still feel him blush red, embarrassment flooding through him.

You run your hands through his fluffy hair, tugging at it softly as he moans into the kiss, sounds muffled due to your lips connected. He props himself up such that you fall under him, and for once you thank Chaerim for buying a wide sofa. You break the kiss, breathing in a tuft of air, only for it to be stuck in your lungs as Jisung nips at the skin on your neck, his growing bulge grinding down on your inner thigh. You feel the wet patch on your clothed core growing as every second passes by, your body becoming needy for action.

He sits up and crawls down to have your pussy face him. He removes your leggings, letting your underwear remain. He blows on the wet area a few times, earning eager whines from you, and you hold a fistful of his hair between your fingers, trying to pull him closer to your heat. He obliges, licking a fat strip on your slit right above the lacey material, making you shudder with pleasure. He pushes his muscle against your hole, making a moan bubble from your lips.

Pushing your underwear aside, he quickly jumps to business. He starts eating you out like he hadn’t just had dinner an hour ago. You arch your back in pleasure when he works his tongue against your clit, sucking on the bundle of nerves. Two fingers prod at your entrance and before you can think about them, they’re pushed into your core, making you moan and buck your hips into his face.

He holds you down with his free hand, rubbing his thumb against your clit and tongue licking your slit a couple times. He pushes his tongue inside you, and you clench around him. He laps your walls and reaches your sweet spots, making you thrash under him. You wanted to desperately release the alien feeling in your abdomen, but Jisung wasn’t going any further than fingering you.

“Jisung, please” was all it took for the boy to unbuckle his belt and drop it at the foot of the couch. He takes his pant off and climbs back up to you, kissing every part of your skin from your torso to your breast, pushing the blue sweater up along with his forehead. You pull the fabric over your head, revealing your bra-less figure. Jisung groans at the sight, biting his bottom lip as he starts grinding his hips into your dripping cunt.

He reaches out to run a hand through your hair, only to be stopped by your fingers curling around his wrists. You bring them down and press his palm over your heat, showing him how hot and wet you were, how desperate you were for his cock to be buried deep inside of you. He exhales a growl and tugs at your panties, pulling them off. He grinds on you a couple of times before finally pushing his length in you, inch by inch, to prevent any pain from coming to the bay.

Once he’s fully in, he opens his eyes to look at you, mouth agape and eyes screwed shut. One of your hands were tangled in his hair, while the other one was gripping the edge of the sofa, almost tearing a hole into the material. You open your eyes at the sudden stillness, only for Jisung to cock his head questioningly as if asking if he could move. You nod after a couple moments, bliss washing over the pain. He starts thrusting into you, slow and hard. He reaches lengths in you almost no one ever did, and you were shaking in pleasure.

He hears a moan, but not from you, it roams from the bedroom. Even they’re fucking. He picks up his speed once he thinks you’re doing well, thrusting into you like his life depends on it. He reaches your cervix head-on a couple of times, lolling a scream and yelp from you occasionally. You moan louder, drowning out the noises coming from the bedroom. And when he starts gyrating his long fingers against your clit, you jolt in pleasure, gripping on his arms tightly as your pleasure waves over you.

Your breathing starts getting labored and he hardens his grip on your waist, making your body burn with pleasure. He bends down, biting and sucking on your neck, licking the area after he’s created a marooned art piece. The feeling on your skin drove you to the edge, and you release around him, walls clenching at his fat length in you. He pulls out of you and thrusts into his hand, searching for his orgasm miserably.

You replace his hand with yours, and though limp, you sit up against the arms of the couch and start pumping his length in your hand. He throws his head back in pleasure, his bottom lip between his teeth and eyebrows scrunched. You lick from base to top, kitten licking his slit when you feel he’s getting closer to his high. You hollow your mouth and fill him into the cavity, making him hit the back of your throat. Sucking and swallowing at his length, what couldn’t fit in your mouth was replaced by your hands, rubbing the pads of your fingers against his protruding vein.

He orgasms hard, making his vision go white with black dots. You suck him dry, some of his cum dribbling down your chin as you get up, which he cleans with the back of his hand. He pulls you into a kiss, tasting his orgasm on your palette.

You pull away to join him under the blankets, cuddling and hugging him as he kisses your forehead. You whisper small ‘I love you’s to him, and he returns them with pecks littering your cheek, smiling like a madman. He hugs and nuzzles his head against your hair, mumbling sweet nothings. You face him, inching your face further from his.

“What are you mumbling about?”

“I bought that dress because employees have a 65% discount on store items,” he confesses, giggling. You open your eyes wide, laughing softly at his cheekiness. Your snuggle closer into his chest, hearing his heart beating only for you. He cards his hand through your hair until he hears soft snores from you.

He looks over at the ugly sweater sprawled across the other end of the couch and smiles, mind rewinding back to the time when you two first met.

—

a/n: this!!! fic!!! is!!! my!!! baby!!! also, i know Christmas is long gone, but i really wanted to write over this prompt. Enjoy ;)

dude sheepy do u know abt corpse party? if theres rumors abt the delinquent school being haunted, imagine smth kind of like that in that school, but like with less gore. maybe even a ghost love interest. maybe!!! the reader is one of jacks goons and!! love triangle?? i gotta go

Let me throw in not only one, but two new characters in the mix because I'm a masochist.

Jack my boy, I'm sorry, but you have some competition. Also no, Bucky isn't one of the "official characters" (as in, there won't be any requests available for him).

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Hidden, forgotten, and starving [Yandere!Delinquent x Goon!Reader x Yandere!Ghost boy x (Fuck, another possible Yandere!oc??)]:

(Non-binary reader btw)

You know, when your leader said something along the lines of "Meet me up in 9 p.m", you thought it was going to be something fun. Maybe you and the gang would be able to hangout without having to be on school grounds, or on a dark nasty alley.

But, nah, that was only wishful thinking.

Jack's type of fun is a little different from the normal person's type of fun. Is surprisingly really violent for someone who's is kinda small, and has such a pretty face.

Not, that you have noticed or anything.

Hell, one of these days he said he would burn a whole corporation and drag some rich family's name into the mud for, pissing him off? You guess?? He was ranting, so none of you actually payed attention.

Again, he may be a little short, but that anger in his soul is something no human can comprehend. Where were you? Oh yeah, he didn't call the gang to play some games and have fun, he had called y'all to beat the shit out of some other gang….

On school grounds…..

At night.

"- …. You know this isn't a good idea, right?"

You asked him if he was sure, but he didn't say anything. He was focused on only one goal.

Entering inside the school isn't really hard. If anything, is pretty easy, jump the horribly placed iron fence. Ya done. Welcome to Saint Bernard's School for Little Prodigies! Where everything sucks, and everyone is insane!

"- It isn't so bad! There are a lot of cool things hidden in this place… There are so many legends that graduated from this school!" Your fellow gang member and also local himbo sweetheart, Bucky, (is actually Benedict, but he doesn't really like that name), said it.

"- I don't think so…" You said honestly. You don't really think you, Bucky, Jack and the others are going to find anything special except dust and old shit. The only thing that will spice this night is this gang meet up or whatever.

"- Come on, it will be fun! We can search the school and find all type of old stuff!" You look at how excited he is, and although you love him dearly, you can't help but still have difficulty to enjoy this whole situation.

"- Bucky….. it's old stuff."

"- I know right! Can you go with me [Y/N]-"

"- Oh my God- Shut up!" Jack yelled. He was getting impatient with your whole conversation. He had only came here to show some girl gang that this school doesn't have any space for them. Not to see…. You and that imbecile talking about stupid shit.

When he yelled he did seem to mention it more towards Bucky than you. It's not that he doesn't like him, it's just that he-

"- [Y/N], come here!" Jack yelled again, calling you to get closer.

You go towards him, as he asks you to look around and see if you can see anyone. But no one seems to be near the school grounds, and you can't see any motorcycle girl's gang anywhere.

"- Why exactly are we going to fight them again?" You ask, tired more than usual of Jack's odd behavior. Or well, usual behavior.

"- …." Silence. He doesn't answer you, but his expressions changes a little. Fuck, why can't you just follow his lead without questioning everything.

…

No, he shouldn't have thought that, ever. Y'all are your own people, you don't need to hear him, he prefers when you guys decide for yourselves. Well mostly the other ones, when it comes to you, he has a hard time acknowledging how he doesn't like how you head in into danger without hearing him.

He never stops to actually think about this stuff, maybe today he just….. feel a little more on edge than usual.

After seeing that neither you or the rest will just drop the question, he answered.

"- …. Sigh. The leader of the other gang wants to be the new Little Miss Red." He said unbothered, while everyone had an extreme reaction, you were left wondering who the fuck was Little Miss Red.

Sounds like a anime villain, or something like that.

"- [Y/N]!! Y-you don't w-who Little, L-little-"

Bucky was trying to ask you so hard, but he couldn't stop stuttering with excitement and fear. Jack is having none of his dumb attitude today.

"- Speak up. Little Miss Red." He said, harshly. What is wrong with him today?

"- S-sorry Jack. Little Miss Red was the first student to form a gang and dominate the entire school!" He is excited to tell you everything he knows. He may be a little troublemaker, but is mostly because he really admires Lil Red and her story (even if most was left far away from public sight).

"- Oh, really?" You're not gonna lie, you wished you were sleeping at home. You wished you heard about this chick on another day. You can't be bothered right now. So what? Some girl wants to be the new Red? What do you have to do with it?

"- She wants to dominate the school, dumbass." Another one of your group said. Fuck that guy, you can't even remember his name, you're really tired.

"- If not the whole entire neighborhood around the school." Said Jack.

"- Well, I'm pretty sure they aren't coming, how about we just go home then-"

A loud noise came from inside the school. You guys could see a little bit of light coming from outside the windows.

"- Are they inside?" You ask.

"- We were supposed to meet outside." Jack responded.

….

Silence.

And then, of course, since you guys really needed an encouragement to get inside that hell place, all of you heard a disturbing, inhuman scream. And after that, a female voice calling for help.

"- …. We, are going in, or…?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Like, this is a really, really dumb idea. Normally when someone hears a terrible noise and then a call for help, it only ends up being a terrible sign.

"- Going towards the monster, nice plan." You said sarcastically. It's not that you're afraid of monsters….. You just don't want to meet one, in person.

"- Monsters aren't real." Jack said.

"- … But if you really are scared, then come here."

"- Sure."

You walked closer to Jack, that was leading the way towards the corridors. His phone's flashlight being extremely useful.

Something is bugging his mind ever since you all entered school grounds. He feels like Bucky is getting a little too friendly with you, and although he shouldn't be mad about something so stupid, he can't stop thinking about this.

He needs to concentrate, but he can't stop worrying about Bucky losing his guard and you-

"- Hey, I think we should separate."

...

"- … What?"

He is being a dumbass.

"- Why though? What if we can't find each other?"

He only wants to ask you a simple question, but is such a stupid question. He needs everyone to go away so you two can talk.

"- Let's divide into two groups, I'll go with [Y/N], y'all can go upstairs and check it out."

"- But that's not even equally divided-"

"- I said, go upstairs-"

…

Again.

Another scream. That same female voice, it sounds so close, coming from the other hall.

But then another one, a male voice coming from…. Everywhere.

He sounds desperate, he says that someone should get him out.

"- Hello? Who's there?" Bucky asked.

"- You know, you shouldn't ask ghosts questions, they can start fucking stuff up man." One of the other members said.

"- Oh, but they sound in pain, shouldn't we help-"

"- Please… I don't want to stay here…" The male voice said. His voice is starting to crack, he is crying.

His voice is coming from somewhere really close.

"- Argh!" You all turned your backs to see a girl in leather jacket trying to crawl. She finally notice that she wasn't alone.

"- Help!-" Hands covered her mouth, her face, her arms, it started dragging her backwards.

You guys were going to follow her, when again.

"- Please, open this door…." You heard him, he was in agony. You couldn't leave him alone.

Jack and the others were following the girl, while you kept walking down the hallway. Following the voice.

You felt like you needed to help him. Desperately. He was going to die if you didn't. To you it felt like ages as you walked slowly to the janitor's closet.

Walking silently, trying to hear his pleads. He got louder and louder the more you came closer to his prison.

You found the janitor's closet. The door was shaking with the pounds of the boy.

"- GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OUT-"

You opened the door. It wasn't locked. It hadn't been locked since a long time.

You finally woke up from, whatever the hell happened to you just now. But you don't think you're a 100% fine, tho.

You can only hear a deafening silence. There is no one here. There is nothing here except for old paper on the ground.

You walked in, slowly, afraid that if you took a bad step you would suddenly fuck something up.

You kneeled down, looking at the documents in the ground. You, suddenly feel a little too eager to read them.

Maybe you're just feeling really curious.

There are old newspapers, all saying something about Saint Bernard's School for Little Prodigies. Some saying something about Little Miss Red, others about the school bad conditions and somehow involvement into the Amaryllis Academy's school foundation.

You found a couple of notes cut into pieces, some are not easy to read. Others are really simple and, although you would normally find really boring to read this kind of stuff, you have a odd feeling reading them.

It's two friends talking over paper messages. They seem to be in class and can't let the teacher know they're not paying attention. They talk about meeting after school, and having plans on a Saturday. It doesn't have a exact date on the paper, but you can see the paper is pretty old and dirty.

It sounds like a normal friendship. One of them even said:" I have something really important to tell you, but I can't really tell you in person since I'm really shy about this stuff. I'll tell you this Saturday, I promise."

You found old photos of students on the ground. Most are market with a red marker. Crosses all over their faces. But the are only two that you can see the face of.

A chubby black girl, big curly hair, wearing glasses. She is looking really awkward in this picture, as if she didn't want to take it. She is wearing the same blue jacket you're using right now.

The other one, however.

Is the same chubby black girl. Her hair has red streaks on it, and she isn't wearing the blue jacket, but rather a red vest, with fishnets under going from her shoulder, to her hands. You almost thought they weren't the same person, one looks shy and awkward, but somehow really sweet, the other one is straight up giving whoever was the cameraman the middle finger. Her faces says how done she is with everyone's bullshit.

You like this girl. You guess this is the girl you heard about.

And the last thing you found. Was a cut article about, some student that was found dead out of nowhere on this school.

His body was inside this closet.

You didn't notice, but time suddenly stopped when you enter in the janitor's closet. It didn't stop literally, but you didn't felt like it was running normally.

On a moment you were seeing a girl being dragged by some hands, and now your reading some old creepy stuff.

Which reminded you-

"- [Y/N]! Where are you?" Jack asked, his voice was somewhere distant.

"- Wait, guys I'm here!"

You get up as fast as you can, but it didn't matter.

As soon as you return to reality after reading about your cursed school, you felt the sudden realization that they didn't see you going the other way. Hell, you didn't even help that girl that was being fucking dragged!

Before you can escape this terrible place, the door closes.

And it locks itself.

"- No, no, no, no, no, guys! Come on, I'm here, you idiots!"

You bang the door and scream as loud as you can. No one can hear you.

"- Goddammit."

You start packing, thinking they might leave you here if you don't do something. But before you can think of a way out, the realization of you not being the only one inside there, hits you really hard.

"- …. He-help!" You heard it. That same male voice from before. Closer than ever. He sounds like he is right behind you.

Yet his voice sounds hoarse. Timid, yet cold.

You turn around to look at your company, you see a student, just like you, curled up into a ball, holding his stomach. He is murmuring nonsense….

You try to get closer.

Hey, maybe he is lost…?

You can see he is a latino boy with long hair, tied as a low ponytail. He is shaking uncontrollably.

"- I'm- I'm so hungry. Please, let me go."

He managed to say out loud.

"- Hey, are you alright? I can help you, we just need to get out of this closet, I can buy you something, okay?"

What happened to this poor guy? He seems traumatized.

"- Pl-please!"

He stutters again. You came closer, putting your hand on his shoulder.

"- I'm going to help you, okay?"

You say.

He stopped shaking. He stopped talking. He stopped hyperventilating. He stopped breathing.

He is extremely cold.

Before you can react, you're pinned to the ground. The ghost boy on top of you, salivating like a mad man.

"- Hey! Get off!" You don't want to believe this guy is dead. Ghosts aren't real. Monsters aren't real, right??

He is breathing even faster than before. Like there isn't enough air on his lungs.

Believe it or not, he truly doesn't want to do this.

"- ….. I'm sorry." He apologized before biting your neck.

"- What?-Aaaaargh!-"

For a ghost guy, he does feel really real! It hurts a lot!! What is he a vampire or a ghost?

You're bleeding. He isn't trying to suck your blood, he is trying to tear your skin.

You can hear his stomach growling.

And you can also hear Jack searching for you. You manage to free yourself from the ghosts grip and move yourself away for a bit.

"- Jack? JACK! Help!- Argh, fuck! Get off!"

Only to have him try to tear your arm away. He isn't doing a good job at this though.

"- I'm sorry. I-I'm really sorry!" You look and see him crying.

"- Well, then let me-"

A unholy screech comes from you. He broke your arm, at first he didn't seem so strong, but after feeling him digging his fingers into your arm and rotating it, you can tell he really is trying to tear your arm away.

He could have done this quicker. But he didn't want to do this to begin with! He swears, he doesn't like doing this…

For your luck, your scream is heard. You can see the door shaking and hear Jack screaming for you on the other side.

Ghost boy got distracted by it. Usually, there isn't anyone at night. Actually, he is the whole reason there isn't any night classes.

Too many students and staff members suddenly going missing at night time.

It's good to meet new people. He used to think so. He misses having company.

He misses not endlessly consuming people to satisfy an endless hunger.

"- Jack!" You took advantage of the boy's distraction, and decided to get away from him. You kicked him, but your foot passed right through him.

You still managed to get away and reach the door. You looked back, thinking he was chasing you.

He wasn't. He didn't want to. He could, but he really didn't want to.

He only said his goodbye towards you, still apologizing for what happened.

You were too surprised by the boy's action, that you collided with Jack when he opened the door.

"- Ouch- Really? You missed me this much [Y/N]?"

You can't respond. You're hyperventilating like you just runned a marathon.

"- Hey, are you alright? I heard you screaming, are you hurt?"

You remember your arm was broken, and that's when you realize, it's really painful. Yet you can't really find the right words right now.

"- [Y/N]?!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack brought you home after the whole incident happened. Turns out the girl that was getting dragged was actually the leader of the gang you were supposed to fight off.

Janette, the girl's name, was "playing a little prank on everyone", cause you know, that's really funny when everyone is scared as hell.

The fight was still going to happen, but Jack couldn't care less about that or her, he only wanted take care of your broken arm. Janette didn't really complain, she didn't understand how the hell you managed to get your arm broken, but she didn't want to fight anyone that was already in disadvantage.

Although being someone that wanted to pick a fight with all of you, Janette helped you out with your broken arm and bleeding caused by the ghost boy.

She is apparently really talented when it comes to dealing with this stuff, you can tell she has been through a lot, looking at her scarred face.

She is really pretty for someone so build. Damn, that actually makes her more pretty though.

Oh, and about the ghost. No one fucking believes you. They all think you either were hallucinating or just "saw things because you were scared".

You tried to explain how you got hurt, but when you mentioned a ghost, absolutely no one understood what you were talking about.

Anyway, you had a long night. You need some rest. In the morning you'll explain what happened to everyone.

Even if you yourself can't tell what really went down while you were at school.

Your mind keeps re-telling you what the ghost had told you before you left.

"- I'm sorry. I was really hungry."

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

That Should Be Me - kth drabble

Pairing: Taehyung x Female!Reader, Jin x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k+ Genre: Mostly angst, some fluff Topics: College!AU, Unrequited love Warning: Kinda sad but not TOO sad

No one ever sets out to end up in these sorts of situations, but lo and behold, they do. Are they unbelievably unlucky? Did they commit some unforgivable sin in a past life? Are they just lackluster people? Whatever the explanation, you too found yourself head over heels in love with someone who didn’t love you back. You had been friends since the start of freshman year when a friendly, cheerful boy in one of your classes introduced himself. Ever since then Taehyung had been a huge part of your life. He could make you smile even on what felt like the worst days, and he was one of the most caring people you had ever met. You didn’t realize you were falling until it was much, much too late. No one knew except for your two other closest friends, Jimin and Sara. 

The three of you had been roommates since sophomore year when you decided to live together, despite others’ comments that a guy living with two girls was a bit of a weird situation. It had never felt weird. No, living with them had felt like home right away. You picked each other up when you were down, understood each other better than anyone else, and spent most of your time together, often with some of your other friends as well. Now, in the fall of your senior year, you were much busier than before, but you still made sure to spend time together. Your roommates knew how strongly you felt towards Taehyung and carefully guarded your secret, though Jimin occasionally tried to push you to do something about it. You knew you wouldn’t, though. You were very quiet and shy, as well as a homebody, and confessing was so far outside your comfort zone it was almost comical. So you did nothing, just holding in your feelings, praying they would go away eventually.

Sitting in the floor of Taehyung's dorm room, studying for a class you had in common, it certainly didn’t feel as if you were going to fall out of love any time soon. Sure, it was hard to hang out with him like this when you felt how you did, but you’d rather keep him as a friend than lose him altogether, so you dealt with it. After hours of studying (with several spurts of getting distracted by each other’s silliness and falling into laughing fits), you went to take a break. “Be right back, I’m going to use your bathroom, okay?” You said as you stood, giving him a small smile. He nodded absentmindedly, looking over some of his notes. 

After you’d gone, however, your phone buzzed with new text messages. You’d left it sitting there, he realized, and against his better judgment, he peeked at the screen. It was a text from Sara. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. This whole unrequited love BS isn’t for the faint of heart, is it?”, it read, followed by another immediately after. “Btw Jimin’s out right now, you and I can have a movie night when you’re done studying.” Taehyung blinked, carefully sitting the phone back in its place as he processed what he’d read.  You were in love with someone who didn’t feel the same, and Jimin was out? Was it on a date? Wait, you were in love with Jimin! That must be it. He jumped headfirst into the conclusion. He felt bad knowing that his friend was hurting and he hadn’t even noticed. He should really try to be there for you, he thought to himself. 

You returned to the room after that and he gave you a huge grin, which you found a little random. You gave him a questioning look as you sat back down. “You know you’re one of my favorite people, right? I’m just really happy you’re in my life, you’re pretty awesome, you know that?” He said sincerely, and you felt that right in your heart, honestly shocked by his unusual candor. “Thanks, Tae. I’m happy you’re in my life, too.” You replied quietly, smiling despite your confusion, shaking your head before returning to the textbook in front of you. Just for that moment you thought he might not be as far out of reach as you’d always believed.

A couple of weeks later you found yourself totally out of your element at a party your friends had dragged you to. You weren’t much of a party person, in fact you usually avoided them. But you knew Taehyung would be there, plus Sara and Jimin had pestered you into coming with them. You were feeling pretty optimistic as the night began. You looked really nice, if you did say so yourself, and were just the slightest bit hopeful that your feelings weren’t as one sided as you’d believed for so long. You navigated your way through the noisy, crowded house along with Jimin and Sara, who, after all this time, were a newly minted couple, complete with heart eyes for each other and holding hands. You were thrilled, honestly. It had been a long time coming and you were glad they were finally together. 

You scanned the room, hoping to see Taehyung, but as soon as you did, you wished you hadn’t. He was across the room looking as gorgeous as ever, but clinging to his arm was a girl who honestly looked like she could be a model. She was stunning, nearly as tall as he was, slender and with legs for days. You couldn’t help but stare in shock. She was clearly a very outgoing, social person, looking like she was talking constantly and saying hello to almost everyone who passed by, seemingly the social butterfly. And Tae looked happy. You didn’t think you had ever seen him look that happy when he was with you. The fragile hope you’d been carrying was instantly crushed, and it felt as if your heart had been run over by a truck. 

Feeling yourself getting emotional, you quickly fled out the back door. The house was on the edge of a lake and you kept going until you reached the dock before allowing yourself to collapse to your knees, the tears pouring from your eyes against your will. Who had you been kidding? That was the kind of girl he wanted, the kind of girl he deserved. A “hot” girl, a “fun” girl. Not an admittedly cute but short, bookish, shy person who hated large social gatherings. Basically, not you. 

You weren’t sure how long you sat there sobbing, trying to get a hold of your breathing and calm down but failing miserably, before you heard footsteps coming down the hill. You sniffled, hoping it was Sara or Jimin and not someone else. But you were unlucky. 

Taehyung sat down next to you, deep concern etched into his features. “Y/n? What’s wrong?” He asked so sincerely you almost wanted to laugh. When you just shook your head, the tears still coming, he wrapped you in a hug and held you close. “Hey, it’s okay… You’re okay… Tell me what happened.” He said quietly, trying to soothe you. By some miracle you pulled yourself together, calming down even though the tears were still running down your cheeks. You felt like you were going to be sick, pulling away from his hug. “I’m so stupid. I managed to fall in love with someone who’s never going to love me back, and even more foolishly, I thought maybe I had a chance…. Until tonight.” You admitted in a small voice, not making eye contact. 

Taehyung observed you carefully. “He came to the party?” He asked, and you shut your eyes tightly, nodding. “But with somebody else, and it just became so clear it’s never going to happen, and I was dumb to think that it could.” You said in a near-whisper. Taehyung thought over your words. Jimin had showed up with Sara, so clearly in love, and that must be what you were referring to. He really felt for you. He couldn’t imagine how you felt at the moment. “You’re not dumb. There is every reason for someone to love you, you’re wonderful. You’re so kind and so caring, you’re smart, you’re funny… You’re more than good enough for any guy. You’re probably too good for him.” Tae said, and you wanted to just melt into a puddle on the ground and disappear. He had no idea, you thought. 

You sighed deeply, wiping your eyes. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to go home. You go enjoy the rest of your night, don’t let me bring down your mood.” You said, forcing a small smile at him. He furrowed his brow in concern. “Do you want me to take you home? Is it a good idea for you to be alone right now?” He asked, trying to be a good friend. You shook your head. “No, no. You should get back to…. oh, I don’t know her name… The girl you came with. Go have fun, don’t worry about me. I’ll go home and go to bed.” Taehyung nodded slowly, accepting your instructions. “Yeah, that’s my girlfriend Kira. You should meet her sometime when you feel better. Get home safe, okay?” He said, patting you on the shoulder before rising to his feet and returning to the party. 

You didn’t want to ruin Jimin and Sara’s first outing as a couple, so you just sent a vague text that you were tired before returning home, burrowing under the covers of your bed as the tears came without stopping. You didn’t sleep much that night. 

Over the next week or so you were even less social than usual, noticeably changed. Your two roommates, now knowing what’d happened, had been taking good care of you and trying to cheer you up a bit. But your other friends and classmates didn’t fail to catch your lack of smiles, how you were even quieter than usual, or how distant you seemed. You couldn’t avoid the class you had with Taehyung, so you just tried to stay extremely focused, ignoring his attempts to start conversation or inquiries about whether you were okay. He definitely noticed how unusual your behavior was, and he sent you texts a couple times a day trying to be supportive or make you feel better. Little did he know that he was only making matters worse. Meanwhile, every time your friends met up for lunch or for game night or anything of that nature, he brought Kira along with him, clearly extremely into her. You weren’t surprised. She had everything you lacked. So over time you stopped going to those gatherings, too. 

Weeks passed and Taehyung was still in his “not leaving you alone in a misguided attempt to be a good friend” routine, refusing to leave you alone no matter how much you pushed him away. He finally showed up at your door one Saturday, smiling and carrying a bag of snacks. “We’re having a movie day, I won’t take no for an answer. You’ve always been there for me when I was down, so I’m going to do the same thing for you. I’m worried about you, you’re so not yourself. So let me cheer you up!” He insisted. The two of you sat down on the couch in the living room, with you trying to breathe deeply as you covered your face, frustrated beyond belief. He babbled on cheerily about how you were a total catch and you shouldn’t be so down on yourself, that everything was going to be totally fine and that he couldn’t let you just retreat into yourself without trying to help. 

Suddenly the pent up feelings bubbled over. “STOP.” You yelled, not looking at him. He was shocked. You were always so soft-spoken, not once had he heard you raise your voice like that. When you finally looked at him, the pain in your eyes was clearly visible to him. “It’s you. I’m in love with YOU. Honestly, I have been for years. I know you have good intentions, but what you’re doing here isn’t helping. I’m trying to get over you but you just won’t let me.” Tears welled up in your eyes, your voice sounding strained. Taehyung was, in short, astounded. Never in a million years would he have anticipated this. “I…. I’m sorry. You’re right, I just don’t feel that way about you. You’re my friend, I don’t…. I’ve never seen you like that.” He said like word vomit. 

You laughed harshly to yourself as a couple tears escaped. “Yeah, because there’s every reason to love me, wasn’t that your phrasing? I’m more than good enough for anybody, you said…. Well, anybody except you, I guess. It’s cruel, really, to hear you say those things knowing the truth of how you feel. You mean well, Tae, and I’m furious that I can’t blame you for this. I can’t blame you for how much this hurts. But you have to stop now. Leave me alone. Stop talking to me, stop sending me motivational texts, don’t even smile at me. Just leave me be, please.” You implored. “Go away so I can learn to let you go.” You said in a whisper, more tears leaking from your eyes. Not sure what else to do and still in shock, Taehyung nodded dumbly, getting up to leave. He paused in the doorway for just a moment, muttering a quiet “I’m sorry” before leaving. And when he was gone you finally broke down again.

He did as you asked, completely cutting off contact and leaving you alone. You did your best to avoid him. He was surprised at how much it hurt every time you avoided eye contact with him or turned to walk in a different direction upon spotting him. He figured it was just the loss of a close friend being painful, so otherwise he continued on as usual. Taehyung spent most of his time with Kira. He found himself bored in most conversations with her, and he found her loud, chatty nature kind of annoying. But everyone said they made the perfect couple, so he must just be feeling this way because of guilt, right? He convinced himself of that, pushing away any thoughts that his relationship wasn’t right. 

Months passed. For a while nobody really saw you aside from Jimin and Sara. If you were shy before, you were antisocial now. If you were a homebody, you were now a recluse. You had all but disappeared from your greater social circle, knowing it was the only way to avoid Taehyung. You focused on your schoolwork. You were visibly sad leading up to winter break, and you knew everyone else was noticing how unlike your usual self you’d been. You were grateful for the reprieve of the break, a chance to live your life for a while without the threat of running into Tae. The time away did you good and you felt like things were finally looking up. 

The glimmer of hope was amplified tenfold when over the break, you met a guy in a bookshop with a radiant smile and a squeaky laugh. Seokjin, as you learned was his name, was a master’s student at your university. You’d struck  up a conversation as he was perusing the cookbooks in the shop you’d met in. He was one of those genuinely nice people who brightened your day without trying. He made you laugh with cheesy jokes and fascinated you with stories of his cooking adventures. 

Before you knew it you were spending most of your time together. You started to feel happy again and for the first time in longer than you could remember, you felt something in your heart other than pain. With him you didn’t feel like you needed to be a “hot girl” or “fun girl”. You didn’t feel like you were missing anything. He thought you were small and cute and loved nothing more than quiet nights in with you, cooking together or watching dramas. You no longer thought about how you wished your legs were longer, or how you wished you were more social, or how you didn’t think you were pretty like other girls. Like the perfect fit of two puzzle pieces, you felt like enough. By the time break was ending you were officially dating. Not that Seokjin wasn’t absolutely lovely, but it wasn’t just him that changed how you saw yourself. The time away from an environment where you saw nothing but flaws had done you good, and as much as he had helped heal you, you’d healed yourself. 

At the start of the new semester, Taehyung caught himself keeping an eye out for you, hoping to see you even from afar. He missed you terribly, if he was honest. To his delight, you had a class in common again. He felt a warmth in his chest when he finally saw you again, settling into a seat in the lecture hall. The light had returned to your eyes. You were smiling again. The relief he felt was immense, having felt awful for hurting you in the first place. 

Without realizing it, he watched you, eventually noticing your focus on the new TA and the looks you were exchanging. It gave him an odd almost nauseous feeling. When the class finally ended, he stopped to read a text before he packed up his things to leave. That’s when he heard you laugh. It occurred to him what a beautiful sound it was and how much he had missed hearing it. Then he looked up. You were standing with the new TA, arms wrapped around each other as you whispered, laughing at something. Taehyung couldn’t remember the last time he saw you smile like that. The TA planted a quick kiss on your forehead before taking your hand, and the two of you walked out of the lecture hall together. Though he couldn’t wrap his head around why, Taehyung felt like he’d been slapped. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day, including when he got dinner with Kira that night. “Baaaaaabe! You’re not listening to me!” She whined, pouting. It was true, he had totally zoned out. He was too busy trying to make sense of the overwhelming feelings he was experiencing. It was late that same night that he finally realized what was going on. The realization hit him with both excitement and a sense of horror: he had feelings for you. The horrifying part was how much he’d hurt you, only to discover his feelings after all this time. But you had really loved him, right? The strength and sincerity of your feelings for him had been so apparent. Surely it wasn’t too late.

That’s how he found himself rushing across campus past midnight, hurrying to your apartment, feeling like he was about to burst with all the emotion running through him. He knocked loudly on the door, breathless from the anticipation and his rush to get to you. You were beyond surprised to see him when you opened the door, standing there with messy hair and a blanket wrapped around yourself. You frowned, entirely perplexed at his sudden appearance. “Tae? What are you doing here?” You asked in complete confusion. Taehyung had a big, dumb grin painted on his face. “Y/n, I’m so sorry it took me this long to realize it, I have feelings for you too! I - I think I love you too.” 

You could hear the excitement in his voice. Your confused face morphed into an annoyed frown. “You smug bastard. After all this time now that I’m finally happy you want to bust back in here and drop a confession?! Are you joking?!” Your voice was growing shrill with anger. The blanket you were wrapped in dropped to the floor, forgotten as you angrily gestured at him. “I honestly can’t believe you’re actually this selfish. You don’t get to treat me like I’m disposable, like some toy you can pick up or toss away whenever you get bored.” This was the second time ever he’d heard your voice raised in a near-yell. 

He heard footsteps as he stared at you, finally taking in your appearance. You were dressed in a men’s tee shirt that was much too big for you and a pair of shorts. It was impossible to miss the dark marks on your neck. A taller figure approached from behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder. It was the TA, also messy-haired in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. You turned to look at him and your angry face transformed instantly into a soft, affectionate smile. “Everything okay?” He asked you, and you nodded. “Everything’s fine, Jinnie. Taehyung was just leaving.” You turned back to Taehyung and in an instant your gaze was like ice. 

The pain in his chest and the hollowness he felt was suffocating. Was this how you’d felt for so long whenever you were with him? Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he just nodded and turned away, leaving as you shut the door. He’d been a fool, and he was far too late, he realized, thinking he may have made the biggest mistake of his life. The smiles that had been reserved for him alone for years now belonged to someone else. And though he knew it was selfish, he couldn’t help but be bitter that you had moved on. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay that one hurt a little bit, huh? A tad angstier than what I normally write. Still, I hope you enjoyed it! I love feedback so please do leave some. <3

The 100: 7x05 Welcome to Bardo

Here’s finally my belated review of 7x05. I was too busy last week (with actual work) so I couldn’t write it before 7x06 aired. Then I got a bit distracted with my Dark rewatch and Dark season 3 dropping. But I’m taking a break from it to finally post this review and then, hopefully, 7x06 not long after. It’s good that I did a couple of rewatches because I could notice more details. (The review was already halfway over a week ago, so I added some remarks in italics  that are things I only think now after seeing 7x06.)

This was an episode I was looking forward to and I enjoyed it, because it finally brought us to Bardo, in the belly of the beast so to speak (note: I wrote this sentence before I saw 7x06, and now I want to keep it because it’s just too funny that 7x06 put Clarke and co. in the literal belly of the beast), where the main action is likely to be, advanced the main plot of season 7 quite a lot, tied a few storylines and showed us Octavia in the present for the first time this season, and - not gonna lie - the highlight of the episode, 1 minute appearance of Bellamy, the first one since the first scenes of the season premiere. 

However, I have to say that I wasn’t really impressed with the part of the episode that should have been the most interesting - Octavia’s flashbacks showing what happened to her when she was first taken to Bardo. It served its purpose by filling in the blanks, or rather confirming what I had already figured out, but for one thing, I didn’t get too much character focus in this episode, except for a touching Octavia-Hope scene and Echo’s disturbing actions in the end, which made for a pretty strong scene. And this time I was really bothered by the sloppiness of the details: from just how  inconsistent the time dilation rules (rules? what rules?) seem at this point (already a problem before, but this episode made it even worse, especially since it focused on the timeline so much) to the messy selection of flashbacks in the Memory Capture scenes (while the timeline is the writers’ fault, this was obviously a case of the editor being really lazy). Maybe this is just  nitpicking, but I find it really annoying when I can’t analyze details to come up theories because I have no idea which detail is a part of the plan and which is just a screw-up. 

:Like everyone have some theories, including those about what really happened to Bellamy after his “death”. (At least they’re not even trying to make us believe Bellamy is dead on social media and in Inside the Episode features, like they tried last season with Clarke.)  

This is why it ended up being an episode I liked less on rewatch, and I rank it behind 7x02, 7x04 and 7x01, although ahead of 7x03 (and, it turns out, 7x06). Even though the Sanctum portion of the episode was really strong and interesting this time.

Prepare for a lot of nitpicking of plot holes, and me about to incur the wrath of many t100 fans by explaining why I really dislike like the idea of an Octavia/Levitt endgame romance (it’s mostly because of their interactions in this episode).

This was the second episode this season where Marie said “Previously on” (I’m curious how many different cast members do it this season) and I think it’s the first time we saw the opening titles that were released before the S7 trailer, the ones that start with the Bardo Stone Room.

Sanctum

The deluded brainwashed folks in Sanctum who still worship the Primes have a name they have given themselves - the Faithful. And it seems that they call the people who aren’t brainwashed ‘the Fallen’. Has the show ever had  such an annoying character as Trey, their leader? 

I must say I related to Murphy when he suggested that maybe they should just let them burn themselves if that’s what they want, instead of letting them exert control that way. Yes, I know it’s bad. But that’s one of the things Murphy is good for, to sometimes say things that we all kind of think but would feel ashamed of saying aloud - at least if it was real life. However, Murphy - and I’m sure everyone - changed his mind when he saw they were going to burn children. And the father of the child who was about to be sacrificed (who we now know is called Jeremiah) looked confused and terrified. Maybe it’s just Trey and a couple of other fanatical people influencing and manipulating the others. Unfortunately, real life examples of people doing horrible things - even to their own children - in the name of what they believe in, to make me hesitate to call this too extreme to be plausible. But what is going on in the heads of these people? At least before, when the people of Sanctum were sacrificing their children or other loved ones or themselves, they believed it meant living forever and being one with the gods, but this? 

Nelson is becoming quite a likable character even though he has only had a brief scene or two here and there. (And then the show goes and does... whatever the hell they’re doing with him in 7x06.) Like this time, when he was the only one who tried to save the Faithful woman who set herself on fire, explaining that the people of Sanctum are still their people, even the Faithful. (Now this is a much nicer face of the Children of Gabriel. Where was he when CoG were killing Nightblood people/potential hosts, even though that’s not the most efficient way to stop the Primes - as opposed to killing the Primes and destroying their mind drives?)

Great little character moment for Emori when she asked Nelson: “Even though they cast you out?” He probably doesn’t even know how much that resonates with her. Is this foreshadowing her storyline this season? Will she have to interact with or do something for the Grounders - or even specifically her clan, Sangedakru (which also happens to be the clan where Sheidheda was from - and the most likely to follow him if/when they find out who he is, since they seem to consider him their “greatest champion’)? (The latter seems slightly less likely now that Indra seems to have made them respect her authority... but I doubt it’s going to be that easy...)

BTW, speaking of Emori. let me just address the speculation that she’s pregnant - apparently based on the fact she threw up?! She threw up because she got radiation poisoning, FFS. If she were pregnant, the fetus would at least be in huge danger of not surviving. Maybe the writers of The 100 didn’t know or didn’t expect the audience to know about the effects of radiation, but come on, they must be aware that everyone has seen Chernobyl.) And Jackson, a doctor, examined her right there.

Murphy being snarky: “I’m tired of being a hero”. Hmm... when was the last time, Murphy, you were a hero without someone roping you in first, or without you following Emori’s lead or making a last moment decision? However, while Murphy likes to claim he doesn’t want to be a hero, Bellamy told him in 5x01 that Murphy’s problem on the Ring was that he actually wanted to be a hero and felt useless because he didn’t have the opportunity. Still, he’s come a long way since season 1, when he wasn’t exactly that protective of children.... Granted, Charlotte was not an innocent, but she was still a child. And he was 17 at the time, now he’s an adult.

I’m enjoying watching Indra in her new leadership role and her stand-offs with RussHeda. It’s very fortunate that Adina is not busy with AHS anymore, and JR Bourne makes for a fantastic villain - in a completely different way than Russell was. Russell was soft and emotional while also pompous and hypocritical and seemed to believe his own BS, which made him all the more annoying. Sheidheda is much smarter and has no delusions about being a good guy. He’s scary and dark but he also knows how to turn the situation to his benefit and has very rational remarks about how ridiculous the Faithful are with their tactic. He clearly has nothing  but contempt for them. “My, my, what foolish little lambs you are.” (Which ties into this season’s themes of Shepherd and the flock.)

We learn more about Indra’s backstory, and this is the most I’ve been interested in Grounder history since... ever?

It’s also quite dark how she manipulates Jackson with his desire for revenge, by keeping the truth from him that RussHeda is not Russell. But Jackson’s dark side of his thirst for revenge for Abby has made him the most interesting that he’s ever been as a character.

I think that this storyline will eventually somehow tie with the main storyline. If nothing else then because Sheidheda and Madi are connected to the knowledge from the Flame, which is connected to Becca and ALIE and events from the prequel. Especially since it increasingly seems like the “great war” that’s being talked about may have something to do with AIs...

Bardo

Timeline and time dilation

Let me get this off my chest first... The timeline of this episode was confusing for some viewers in terms of the sequence of events. That isn’t the case for me - the problem is that the amount of time that was supposed to pass makes the time dilation seem really inconsistent.

So, chronologically, things happened like this:

in 6x08 (some 4 or 5 Sanctum days ago): Diyoza goes into the Anomaly; ends up on Skyring

Octavia goes into the Anomaly 6 seconds later, ends up on Skyring, 3 months (Skyring time) after Diyoza arrived. she gives birth.

Octavia and Diyoza spend 10 years there raising Hope.

Octavia sends a message to Bellamy in a bottle, not realizing the bottle ended up on Bardo (apparently, the default setting of the Anomaly, is: you go from Sanctum to Skyring and from Skyring to Bardo). Disciples capture her and Diyoza and take them to Bardo.

While Hope spends 10 more years on Skyring with Dev, before jumping to Bardo, Octavia is taken to Bardo, tried to run away, then is taken to Memory Capture. This is 45 (Bardo) days ago. She resists at first, but 34 Bardo days ago, she allows Levitt access to her memories and he starts watching them in a more coherent and chronological manner. 31 Bardo days ago, after he’s seen her memories up to the season 3 finale, Hope comes to rescue her. 

Levitt helps them and Octavia is sent back to Sanctum, losing her memories, and runs back into Gabriel’s arms (no, I don’t mean it like that and I don’t ship them)  - 10 Sanctum seconds after she ran into the Anomaly! (This is still 6x08)

7 Bardo days ago (which is some 2 days ago on Sanctum) or 6x13, Hope (who had probably been immediately captured when trying to save her mother - I guess she and the Disciples spent 24 days waiting for Octavia to enter Hope’s mind code into the Anomaly Stone...) is sucked into Sanctum, stabs Octavia with the tag which pulls her to Bardo. Octavia is brought to MCap again, and apparently Levitt talks to her and then she is brought to the Stone Room to talk Bellamy down. Something happens to Bellamy and Octavia is made to believe he’s dead.

in the present, Hope, Echo and Gabriel (after spending 5 years on Skyring, which was somehow 2 days on Sanctum (?)) jump to Bardo, kill some people, pretend to be DIsciples and listen to Anders’ speech, find Octavia, and see the memory of whatever happened or did not happen to Bellamy.

Now this means that the time differentials between planets have been like this:

Sanctum: 6 seconds = Skyring: 3 months

Sanctum:10 seconds = Skyring: over 20 years (because Hope spent 20 years on Skying and at least a few hours on Bardo, all in those 10 Sanctum seconds)

Sanctum: a few seconds (under 10 seconds, probably a lot less) = Bardo: 14 days (from “45 days ago” to “31 days ago”)

Sanctum: about 2 or 3 days = Bardo: 24 days

Sanctum: 2 days = Bardo: 7 days

Sanctum: a little over 1 day = Skyring: 5 years

See the problem here?

 @justbecauseyoubelievesomething pointed out before that the time differentials may vary a lot because of planets orbiting their suns (and Sanctum orbiting its planet and the suns) in elliptic orbits, so distances from the black hole change. However, the problem with this is that 1) they haven’t said that on the show and instead keep talking about the time differentials as if they are at least roughly the  same or similar all the time, and 2) these fluctuations vary way too much for it to make any sense? If it was just 1:3 and then 1:7, for instance, OK - but how the heck does the time differential between Sanctum and Bardo go from 1:200,000 to 1:3? 

How is this supposed to work? Do people on Bardo go:

“We’re sending a team to Sanctum!”

“Understood! We will need just an hour to retrieve the target!” “But Sir... they’ll return in 20 years! We have to wait till next week, then an hour will be just 7 hours here!”

“All right, we have to wait for the next week then!”

And do these fluctuations happen just between Sanctum and Bardo or Sanctum and Skyring, or also between Bardo and Skyring? The latter would make their prison system quite complicated and tricky!

A couple of other pieces of info - 

Levitt put the “Trust Bellamy” note in Hope’s arm during his MCap session (because he knew what Bellamy was to Octavia), but Anders apparently did not realize why Hope was bleeding or that it had something to do with Levitt, though he was the only one who could’ve had any contact with her?

One thing I don’t get is the part where Anders says: “it’s why you’re a prisoner dressed like a savage so you can get close to Aunty O”. Why did they have to dress Hope in Grounder-like clothes, exactly?

We also see that Meredith’s team was told to go to Sanctum and find Clarke - though it’s unclear why they waited so long to send them. Or why Meredith’s team waited about a day and a half to contact Clarke. We see Anders telling Meredith: “Because of the time dilation, no one will come for you if you fail” - and I have no idea that’s supposed to mean, especially since I don’t know what time differential it was supposed to be at the time.

Octavia in Memory Capture

...And I’m gonna nitpick some more. 

Maybe it’s not a big deal that many of the scenes we saw as Octavia’s memories didn’t make sense, because they were either scenes she wasn’t present for or scenes from the future (relative to the moment when she was on Bardo the first time), but I expected better, after the wonderful attention to detail in last season’s Nevermind and Matryoshka, where neither the prop masters nor editors and sound editors made any mistakes with what we saw and heard of Clarke’s memories.

So, 45 days ago, when Octavia was first brought to Bardo, and Anders and Levitt were seeing random memories against her will, the first thing she’s told is to imagine someone holding out a hand to her to help her, and we see brief flashes of various memories (aka scenes from the previous seasons) before her mind settles of many different images of Bellamy:

Aurora with baby Octavia

Lincoln, just before his death

Indra - when Octavia finds her and talks to Clarke and Lexa (3x05) - of course this is there because of Indra, but I don’t know if Clarke is also supposed to be one of the people O thinks of: we see her quite clearly as she’s saying she must talk to Bellamy to save their people

and then a bunch of images of Bellamy - which is where things start not making sense, because while we see him 

in the Pilot on the dropship (that makes sense)

in season 5 when he argued with Octavia (also makes sense)

but we also see him dressed Gabriel’s cardigan, which he only wore after reuniting with Octavia in 6x10, after she came back from Bardo, and one of the images is definitely from 6x13 when Hope came from the Anomaly (future scenes!)l 

we also see the scene where Bellamy was looking for Octavia and talked to Clarke in 1x06 (where Octavia was obviously not present for! It’s also the scene right after the Aurora flashback - the editor were obviously being super lazy)

and Bellamy in an anti-radiation suit in 4x13 when he had to leave Clarke (the only way Octavia could remember that is if she had a telepathic link to her brother!)

Other  memories include Murphy in Pike’s class (clearly just as a cool transition from a Murphy scene in Sanctum), but it was really funny how horrified Octavia seemed when Levitt asked her if he was her lover. ;) Levitt clearly got a bunch of images of her friends - including Raven, Clarke (from the Pilot!) and Indra, whose images we see on screen in addition to Bellamy - and he finally sees a bunch of memories of Hope on Skyring, which is what she was trying to hide the most.

At this point, Octavia desperately tries to make a deal with Levitt - he doesn’t mention Hope in his report, and lets her go later, and she’ll let him into her memories. Just before Levitt starts watching her memories in the chronological order, we hear some more of Octavia’s memories in her head (they aren’t showing on the screen, where the same flashbacks as before are playing):

banishing Echo in 4x11

Bellamy deciding to leave her in 6x03 (“Are you out of your mind? You didn’t need to kill anyone!”)

Miller saying “Blodreina gave that honor to me!”

Octavia yelling “You’re dead to me!” to Bellamy (in that disturbing scene in 3x10) and...

Hallucination!Pike telling her she caused a world to be destroyed and herself yelling she wanted “REDEMPTION!” - which is another inconsistency, because comes from a red toxin hallucination that she’ll only have after she returns to Sanctum (in 6x09)! At least you could say this was already in her subconsciousness, but these were supposed to her memories!

When she starts cooperating, Levitt basically binges the first 3 seasons of The 100 - or rather, a version of it where Octavia is the main character and everything is only from her POV - ending with 3x16, which is probably pretty significant, as they showed several moments right before Clarke destroyed the City of Light and the moments after she came back. We see Bellamy telling everyone what to do as they were fighting chipped people to protect Clarke, Clarke on the throne in the City of Light, Pike fighting chipped!Jaha, Pike saving Octavia, and, and after the destruction of the COL, Murphy and Emori hugging, and finally - Octavia stabbing Pike.

This is where Levitt goes “Yes!” - which makes me (and Octavia) feel real tonal dissonance. He reveals himself to be a true Octavia stan, the kind who thinks their favorite character simply cannot go wrong and who doesn’t just defend her and have an understanding and empathy for her motives and emotional states (which is great), but cheers even the bad things she did (which is not great). Now, if Levitt is meant to be a representation of a typical stan, that’s great. The show has, this season in particular (and even in S6 to a point - through Jordan) been dealing with the idea of Clarke, Octavia and other main characters as living legends. And a lot of t100 fans - including every single YouTube reactor I’ve seen - always cheers and says they’re happy when she kills Pike. I didn’t feel that way, so there’s that. And sure, some of that is because I didn’t hate Pike. But what’s more important is: that moment was never portrayed as a triumphant one. (It it was meant to be, it would have been Octavia killing Pike in a battle, or something similar to the scene where Lincoln killed Cage Wallace in 2x16, not Octavia stabbing Pike when he didn’t expect it, after they had fought together and right after he had saved her life. It wouldn’t have shown Bellamy and Clarke worried about Octavia, or made it her ‘start of darkness’ moment that led to her becoming a murder-obsessed assassin in season 4. And 6x09 made a point that Octavia herself saw this act as a wrong one - that she thinks she didn’t have the right to murder someone in cold blood even though she had legitimate reasons to hate him. The show generally doesn’t portray revenge-murder as a good thing. And that is true in this scene, too: we see flashbacks of Pike at his most heroic (fighting chipped Jaha and Pike right after he saved Octavia’s life) before the scene of her stabbing him, and while Levitt is like “YES!”, Octavia seems upset to see that moment again and a tear is falling from her eyes.

So why, then, is the show apparently portraying Levitt’s uncritical stanning of everything Octavia does as a great thing, and why are so many fans and reviewers convinced that Levitt is a great new love interest for Octavia, possibly her endgame love interest, because of his adoration of her and the praise her gives her? (And 7x06 has made me think that, yes, the show is definitely portraying him as a potential love interest.) Yes, I agree that Octavia needs someone to help boost her self-esteem and tell her she’s not a monster, that she’s a good person at heart, that she’s worthy of love. But it would mean so much more if it came from someone who was able to relate to her as an equal and also acknowledge her dark side and be critical of the bad things she did. “I understand why you did this and it doesn’t make you a terrible person” is different from “Everything you did is right and awesome.” I liked what he said about her as a child, how she was even then being responsible and protecting her mother and brother and not just herself by hiding. But it’s absurd to tell someone “You’re not a killer, you’re a warrior” right after you’ve seen them murder someone out of revenge in what most definitely wasn’t a battle or a fight. The fact is that Octavia is both a warrior and a killer. They all are - she, Clarke, Bellamy, all of them. Having a good heart and understandable motives doesn’t change that fact.

If Levitt is supposed to just be a Disciple with a crush that makes him help Octavia, fine, but I can’t see a potential romance there - it would be like  a relationship between a celebrity and an obsessive fan.

World-building

This episode was full of world-building info, probably what I liked about it the most:

Levitt seemed particularly interested in Clarke and the fact she was in the City of Light, which makes me think that the reason why she is ‘the key’ in the eyes of the Disciples has something to do with Becca’s tech and ALIE in particular, and that the enemy they’re afraid of may be some sort of an AI.

We finally saw Bardo. Not that it was surprising since we already knew from the opening titles and 7x04 that the compound was underground and that it was a dome with artificial atmosphere and that it included an arboretum, Stone Room, which is on the way to the cells, etc. I checked to see if it matched the layout drawn by Orlando. I had assumed that the numbers were levels in the structure, but while Orlando put Arboretum as 1, it is on level 2. 

It seems that all the Disciples were either black or white clothes. (Fits with the black and white way of thinking.) From what we’ve seen so far, it seems that the military, so to speak (fighters/those who jump to other planets) wear black, while the Stone Conductors, people who do the Memory Capture, other scientists, as well as other personnel (like janitors or gardeners/groundskeepers) wear white. Anders himself, the First Disciple, wears white, so I suppose he is one of the “civilians’.

Anders claims that the Disciples have risen above “lesser emotions” and learned to value the collective rather than the individuals. But from what we’ve seen of other Disciples, that’s BS. That may be their ideology, but in fact, they’re just the same as anyone else and just as prone to developing feelings of love and bonds of friendship as anyone else.

Levitt is Level 11! Which makes you wonder how hard the Disciples really check how ‘devout’ the Disciples are. But maybe he’s just too important as an expert, 

We see the MCap technology at work. But we also see that it’s not easy to extract memories from an unwilling subject. Levitt has apparently mostly done this to the Disciples themselves (you’d think most of them would be willing, but obviously some were not, since they sound like they already have experience with unwilling subjects.) Levitt tries to get Octavia to comply because he’s a Good Cop by telling her that they may get his colleague instead, who will “burn right through” her brain. (But as we see from the Diyoza flashback in 7x06, that’s not true - the other guy, Kirsch, doesn’t do that when Diyoza is uncooperative. I don’t think they are actually able to do that.)

The Disciples usually send teams every 30 minutes (but these 30 minutes are drastically different on Sanctum and on Skyring!)

More about how the Anomaly Stones work: while Dev told Hope that all you need to do Is think where you want to go and the helmet will do the rest, it’s not actually that magical - in fact, you actually need someone (normally the Conductor) to push the buttons on the Anomaly Stone.

According to Levitt, pulling someone from another planet through the Anomaly is “ safe 8 out of 10 times". What happens the other 20% of times? Is it really being “turned inside out” as Hope said in 7x02?

It’s also confirmed that people lose their memories if they travel without the helmets from a faster to a slower time dilated planet (which I had already figured out based on the fact that the danger only seemed to exist when travelling from Skyring/Bardo to Sanctum and from Skyring to Bardo, but not the other way round).

When Hope was about to leave to save her mother, Levitt tried to tell her: “They have helmets, too, that means that…” – what? That they can see her? Meredith’s team didn’t see Raven, so it can’t be that. But do they have some other way of communicating? Do you have to be actively thinking for them to detect you? Whatever it is, she should’ve listened as she quickly got caught.

Eyes are important as it’s through them that the biometric signature/mind code is made. And the Disciples have a very quick way of painting/tattooing the code on someone’s back.

What exactly is the problem with the atmosphere on Bardo? There is a biohazard alert as Octavia is brought in and she’s checked for some sort of an infection (“she’s clean”). It seems that the problem is with some kind of a disease (especially with what we hear from Levitt in 7x06).

In the category of revelations that weren’t a surprise at all since the fandom has figured them out weeks ago, Gabriel realizes that there is a Stone on Earth (as we saw in 7x04 and in the opening titles - it’s the offline planet), by listening to Anders’ speech where he mentions that the Shepherd delivered them by a stone. (Confirming the theory that Disciples are Second Dawn even before that was technically confirmed in 7x06 and that Cadogan led them through the Anomaly some time after the Apocalypse and after burning Becca. I suppose they disconnected the Stone so unbelievers could not follow them.)

There’s a ton of new info about the history of Bardo. According to the Disciples, the compound was built by “Native Bardoans”, who went extinct before the Disciples got there. And they were supposedly giants, but were turned by something called “Gen9″ into “crystal giants”?! Levitt says that the whole min code could fit on a Bardoan’s arm? (How does he know that?) I call BS on that. The rooms and doors in the compound are tall, but wide enough just for a human-sized person to pass through. (And there are plenty of human buildings with very tall doors and ceilings.) The retinal scans are fitted to the human eye, all the technology is human-sized, and, most importantly, the keys on the Anomaly Stone are the size of a human finger. The whole thing reminds of many legends that various big ancient buildings were built by giants. I still think Eligius III people were the ones who built the compound. We still haven’t heard anything of them and where they fit. And with the time dilation, they could’ve been on Bardo for decades or centuries before Second Dawn arrived a few Earth years later.

What is Gen9? I assume it’s a disease (especially with all the mentions of the polluted atmosphere on the surface), but it’s also been suggested it may be a computer program, which would fit with the idea of the enemy being an AI or connected to AIs. I like the theory that it’s not short from “Generation 9″ but “Genesis 9″, which would fit with the religious themes (the Disciples mix and match a lot of pseudo-Christian and pseudo-Buddhist ideas). Genesis 9 is the chapter about God’s Covenant with Noah, where God tells him that humans should go and multiple and feed on plants and animals, but they mustn’t eat what has lifeblood in it still, and they mustn’t shed the blood of another human being. “I will demand an accounting for the life of another human being.“

These are the transcripts of all the prayers and speeches of the Disciples from this episode, as much as I was able to hear them:

[prayer] “In the light of the Shepherd, for all mankind. He will save us from the war to end all wars”

[female speaker] "The Shepherd brings us wisdom. The Shepherd brings us love, for all mankind. (...) Humanity (...) (final days)… burned, (...) as bombs launched, your ancestors chose a different path. There will soon be time when we will be tested to a man, and we will be victorious. For all mankind!"

[male introducing Anders]“And now, it is my greatest honor to present the esteemed First Disciple, who will lead us through today’s lesson on the Book of Allness.”

Anders: “Thank you, Emilio. In the light of the Shepherd, for all mankind! 

Let’s first take a moment to acknowledge our newest class of Level 9s. You’ve each demonstrated impressive devotion to the Shepherd. Our predecessors on this planet did not share that faith. Like our ancestors on Earth, they destroyed their world. Even before they were wiped out by Gen 9 and turned into crystal giants, their atmosphere was so polluted they were forced to build forests underground in order to breathe. Even the rain that should fall from the sky, falls instead by their technology. For that, we thank them. But where are they now? We know that by the time the Shepherd delivered us with the stone, the Bardoans were gone, extinct. Why is that? [Someone from the crowd: “They didn’t have the Shepherd!” Everyone laughs. Oh, Disciple humor... ] No, they didn’t, did they? They [unintelligible, Gabriel speaks over this part]… they lost their last great war. That same enemy is coming after us now. But, in the light of the Shepherd, we will not lose. [crowd cheers] We’re close now. We’ve located the key. After hundreds of years it has returned to us. Ours is the generation that will win the last war! Our Shepherd will rise [unintelligible] and we will win (?) this fight, for all mankind!”

Hi, Bellamy! Bye, Bellamy! See ya later!

And for the most important thing in this episode: yes, we were blessed with a rare and joyous moment,, a sighting of Bellamy Blake on screen (and not in MCap but in an actual new scene), as occurrence as rare this season as (probably) the Disciples seeing the Shepherd.

While absolutely no one is buying the fake-out death (about as convincing as Clarke’s in 6x04 or Octavia’s in 6x13, though I now wonder if leaving Bellamy out of the poster and Bob out of the Countdown was a part of the fake-out they committed to), there have been many different theories about what really happened there, if the whole scene was staged or if it even happened or was an implanted memory. (The glitch effects between scenes may have contributed to that theory, but the glitch effect occurred at random points, e.g. when Hope remembered  her conversation with Anders, and I don’t see why that would be a false memory.)

For a moment, I even wondered if Levitt talking to Octavia was her hallucination (seeing a comforting figure) because it seemed quite implausible that Anders and the others had only then started to figure out that he got too close to her, and that they were still letting her come anywhere near her. But 7x06 proved I was wrong. Well, maybe Anders has realized Levitt had helped Octavia and Hope and it’s all some elaborate trap where he is using Levitt as an unwitting pawn, though that seems a bit convoluted... or maybe Anders just isn’t actually that smart as we assume he should be.

 I’ve never believed in the ‘implanted memory’ theory, and people have since pointed out that there’s a sign of damage from the blast in the Stone Room. 

The other prevalent theory is that the whole scene was staged by the Disciples and that Bellamy himself was in on it because he’s been brainwashed. The arguments are - it’s unlikely that Bellamy managed to overpower a few Disciples after being captured unconscious, and that there’s supposedly something “off” about him in that scene because he had been crying just before that. I don’t think there’s anything “off”, and he had learned that Octavia was alive, so why do people expect him to be crying rather than fighting to save her? As for it being unlikely that he killed a couple of Disciples immediately, overpowered another and captured the Conductor - I’m sorry, but have you seen the Disciples this season? They are being killed by pretty much every main character. And maybe some fans see Bellamy as a soft sweet teddy bear of a man and think that only women on t100 are allowed to be good fighters, but canon Bellamy is pretty damn badass and really good at fighting. What would be actually hard to believe is that Bellamy could get brainwashed over the course of a few hours. I’m sorry, but no.

People also said the fact that Bellamy asked what the heck Octavia was talking about when she used the opportunity to tell him that Disciples wanted Clarke (”I’ll tell them everything, even about Clarke”) was a sign he had lost his memories or been brainwashed and that he didn’t know who Clarke was - which is a really convoluted argument. The simplest and most obvious answer is that he was surprised and wanted to know what they wanted with Clarke.

There was actually something odd about that scene - but it was Anders’ behavior. after Octavia said that line about Clarke and after Bellamy reacted to it, he got a very strange look on his face, and the camera was focusing on him. The second odd thing is that the Conductor got very upset at that moment and started begging Anders: “Sir, please, no”, before Anders shut him up - which seemed like an overreaction to the possibility of... what? Letting a prisoner go?  This makes me think that the Disciple on the floor detonating a grenade was a part of the ploy by Anders. He certainly was never going to send Bellamy to Sanctum - I have an idea where he actually sent him - but what if he was also signalling something to the Disciple - that he should detonate the grenade? Which would be a smoke screen so Octavia, Levitt and others wouldn’t know what really happened to Bellamy and would think he was dead.

But why would Anders want Octavia to think he was dead? It’s certainly not to make her cooperate, because that was only ever likely to have the opposite effect. But also - why would the Disciples focus on making Octavia tell them more about Clarke, when they could try to use Bellamy for the same purpose? From Octavia’s memories, they must have known how close Bellamy and Clarke are. (Or did Levitt tell Anders that? If he did not, that was an additional reason to suspect Levitt and hide information from him. If Anders was only starting to realize there’s a connection between Clarke and Bellamy, that could have changed his plans.) And they could do more with Bellamy than just try to get his memories. They could use him (his life, his safety) to draw in Clarke, the “key”. If Anders has sent Bellamy somewhere and wanted to hide his whereabouts and make people on Bardo think he’s dead for the time being, the blast could be a good distraction, before he plays that card. (All of this, of course, assuming Anders is actually smart.) 

Now, where is Bellamy? He certainly wasn’t sent back to Sanctum, and Anders had no reason to send him to Skyring or Nakara (if he needs him alive and under his control, that would defeat the purpose), And there’s no indication that it’s possible for the Anomaly Stone to send a person to another location on the same planet. So, I believe Bellamy has been sent to Etherea. That would be the reason to finally go to the only planet of the 6 that we haven’t seen yet. I’ve also had the theory that Etherea is the slowest of all the planets - because, if you’re using time dilation as a plot point, why wouldn’t you milk it for its worth? And if that’s the case - good news is that Bellamy won’t get almost any older, but the bad news is that he’s lost all his memories. But not too bad of a news, since he’d get them back as soon as he gets to a faster planet. 

This would open some juicy story possibilities... 

An Echo of Finn (and Octavia?)

This episode continued the trend we’ve already seen in 7x04 - Hope is becoming more of a killer after her first kill on Skyring, Echo is reverting to her identity as as ruthless spy and killer (and occasionally murderer, as at the of this episode), in her 5-year single-minded mission to save Bellamy and now as a result of believing that Bellamy is dead and her mission was for nothing. And Gabriel is getting more and more frustrated with both of them, especially Echo, and constantly going “will you stop killing people, please?” (Well, not in those words.) (And I’m wondering how close he really got to the others, since they spent 5 years together and were preparing to jump to Bardo, but Hope never told Gabriel about Levitt?! )

There was some irony earlier in the episode when Hope seemed almost ready to attack Anders in front of hundreds of Disciples (she really hates him - I guess because she knew they were torturing her mother), and Echo told her to “pull herself together”, since it was Echo later that lost it, murdered Kirsch the memory capture guy in a particularly brutal way, and blew their chances of using him to get to Diyoza, which would’ve been a terrible blow to Hope if Diyoza hadn’t freed herself anyway, as we see in 7x06.

(Kudos to Tasya for being really good in that scene, she made Echo look genuinely scary. I’ve often criticized her acting, but this time she was really on point.)

So let’s talk about this moment and Echo’s arc this season.

Some people say that this is just a normal reaction to “losing the love of your life” and that everyone would react the same. But we’ve seen other characters lose people they deeply loved, and they did not react the same way. We’ve seen Bellamy react to Octavia’s “death” in S4 and Clarke’s “death” in S6. We’ve seen Clarke react to many of her loved ones’ deaths, most recently to her mother’s. Her grief over her mother was shown in detail over several episodes, and we saw her explode in the end, but while she beat up Russell, she stopped herself from killing him (and Russell was the actual person who murdered her mother and had previously tried to murder Clarke herself and stole her body for his daughter). In S6, Bellamy wanted to kill Russell (again, the actual person responsible for Clarke’s death) and burn the Sanctum down, but he stopped himself. In this very episode, we see Octavia react to her brother’s “death”. which she sees as very real, but she hasn’t started going around and killing anyone she gets her hands on. 

Now, Octavia of the past, S3 Octavia, was different, far less mature, more violent, and she did react violently to Lincoln’s death, including becoming a murderer - now, the person she murdered was the one directly responsible for Lincoln’s death, but she also went on to become an assassin and became rather murder-happy, before stopping herself just as she was about to kill Ilian the same way Pike killed Lincoln. 

Another obvious parallel is to Finn and the way he was losing control and becoming more violent, ruthless and selfish, from murdering  a  Grounder prisoner, to wanting to leave Mel literally hanging from a cliff because she was unimportant in his eyes compared to his goal of finding and “saving” Clarke (who, it turned out, didn’t even need saving and had saved herself), to completely losing it and killing a bunch of completely innocent people. The guy Echo killed here wasn’t really innocent, but he wasn’t responsible for Bellamy’s “death”, either, and Echo’s behavior on her quest to save Bellamy has been increasingly violent throughout the season. And, while we knew Clarke was alive and well, we don’t know where Bellamy is but he is still alive and will probably eventually meet Echo again, just like Clarke reunited with Finn.

(Mind you: I don’t think Echo’s killing spree is the reason why Becho will fall apart. The relationship was already disintegrating in S6, if you pay any attention. This is more about Echo herself and where she finds herself without that relationship. Finn’s killing spree wasn’t the reason why Flarke fell apart, either. Clarke still had feelings for Finn, but she had rejected him for other reasons, i.e. his earlier behavior. )

What do all these actions have in common? They weren’t romantic, they were f*cking unhealthy. When Finn told Clarke that he killed all those people for her, she was horrified, and I was really angry at him for telling her something that terrible.

In Finn’s case, he may have been suffering from PTSD, and his feelings for Clarke were turning into an obsession and made him look almost like a stalker. In Echo’s case, she has serious identity issues and her childhood trauma and conditioning by Queen Nia. But the show is, in this case, more open about the fact that, for Echo, it’s not all about romantic love. or love in general. She has lost her purpose. Bellamy is not just her boyfriend, he’s her King, like Nia and Roan before him. Echo’s own subconsciousness has been telling her that this is a problem, and that her relationship with Bellamy is very unbalanced. “Without Bellamy, who will you follow? Without someone to follow, who are you?” It also told her that she has remained the same as before she became a part of the Spacekru and his girlfriend: “Once a killer, always a killer.” ““The honorless spy who would do anything for her queen, even betray the man she now claims to love?” In S5 and S6, Bellamy was trying to not “make the same mistakes”, and “do better”, and was always rejecting Echo’s more ruthless suggestions of how to deal with any potential enemies, and she always fell in line as he was the leader/ Without him, she is reverting to her old patterns.

It’s not romantic or a sign of soulmate love to wrap your whole identity over one person. It’s really unhealthy. It was also unhealthy when Octavia said she didn’t have a home and didn’t belong anywhere after Lincoln’s death because he was “her home”. She had to grow out of that. Maybe she could offer some advice to Echo now. Will it work or not? I don’t know.

What I’m sure of is that Becho is doomed, but the writing on the wall has been there at least throughout season 6, if not already in season 5. What I don’t know is how Echo’s own arc this season will end. She will have to forge a new identity, but what will it be? Will she start following someone else? (That would be a pretty depressing arc.) Become independent, but still a ruthless killer? Will she start thinking about the morality of her actions as most other o the major characters do? Will she fail to find any solution and will die? Not every character on the show gets to have an uplifting arc where they solve their issues. Her arc is different from Finn’s because his dark arc was a completely new and shocking development, while Echo is reverting to who she used to be. But I think it’s more likely that she gets a more positive ending than Finn, because the show has been paralleling storylines in seasons 6-7 to storylines of early seasons (like Sanctum-Mount Weather) but with a more positive outcome.

Best moments/lines

While Bellamy’s 1-minute appearance was undoubtedly the highlight of the episode, my favorite scenes were Octavia’s reunion and goodbye with Hope (even with Hope being an adult now, Octavia talks to her as a surrogate aunt: “I love you, little one, don’t you ever forget it”), the scenes with Murphy and the kids and the battle of wills between Indra and Sheidheda. 

The best line by far was Hope’s reply to Anders:

“This is what happens when you value individuals above the collective”

Hope: “It’s called love, you son of a bitch,”

Body count:

One Faithful burned herself.

another fanatical suicide: a Disciple who detonated the grenade (at Anders’ orders?) in the flashback scene with Bellamy

a bunch of Disciples killed, again. For a group that’s supposed to be so badass and scary, they really failing to be that, since they’re constantly getting their asses kicked. OK, they are not all Level 12, and Orlando was both Level 12 and a teacher of fighting skills. And yes, Echo and Hope (and Gabriel, who hasn’t killed anyone so far) have had almost 5 years of training  by Orlando, while Octavia and Bellamy (and Diyoza, of course) are incredibly badass even without it. But you can’t keep them getting killed so easily and expect me to take them seriously. This time, Bellamy killed a couple in the flashback, and Hope and Echo killed a few, including a particularly sadistic murder of Kirsch the Memory Cap guy.

Rating: 7.5/10

Hey there! I just found you and honestly your readings are soooo coool, may I have one about my future love life too? Will I meet someone and how will they be? Possible star sign? AND ALSO PLEASE THIS IS IMPORTANT : when i first made the sorting hat Test I was a Ravenclaw but after a couple years it started changing to gryffndor and then back to ravenclaw and I’m having the biggest identity crisis.. can you help me on this? What house am I? Hope this is not to much..if it is just ignore me haha

Oh also i don’t know if you need this but I’m 23 male and a libra! Btw I don’t see a sign that reading are open on your blog and got a bit ahead of myself so if they’re closed right now I’m very sorry, I mean no offense! Thank you anyways and have a great day! :)

Oh, I just do these for fun.

That said, your house is not an identity nor is it any sort of useful personality trait; once you're not at school any longer it's 100% irrelevant.

Star signs are also not a personality trait nor are they relevant to any aspect of your life (that's just something people use to try and excuse poor behaviour on their part; you didn't do the thing because you're a Gemini or a Scorpio or an Ares or any other sign, you did it because you were being inconsiderate and not thinking your actions or words through; you're not incompatible with someone because of their sign either, you're incompatible with them due to basic personality conflicts or conflicting wants/needs out of a relationship), they're just little tidbits of facts and have no actual influence or impact on anything.

If you're referring to 'quizzes' that tell you what house you ought to be in, I'd invite you to read up on confirmation bias. That applies to thinking you're a certain way because of your star sign; confirmation bias will give you that truth because you want it to be the truth,

Those are designed to be easily manipulated to give the answers the person taking them wants based on their mood at the time; I can guarantee you I could take any one and get a different result based on my mood at the time of taking them.

Do not base any part of your identity around a house at a school or your zodiac sign, it doesn't make you somehow more interesting or desirable; if anything, it's a red flag that indicates you aren't willing or capable of taking responsibility for your own actions or reactions.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably getting paid to tell you otherwise.

Remember: If you're paying them, they'll want to keep you as a repeat customer and will likely tell you what they know you want to hear.

In this case, what you want to hear is that you'll meet your soulmate soon and that you're definitely Ravenclaw.

I doubt the latter given your belief that it matters in the slightest and, as I'm not getting paid, I couldn't possibly care less whether or not you'll meet someone, what they'll be like, or their star sign (which is, of course, completely irrelevant).

Just to give an example, from what you said in these I already know several things about you and, were you paying me, would be able to easily tailor a reading to play into exactly what you want to hear.

Things that were made clear by information you voluntarily offered:

- You're a bit on the insecure side. - You're a bit immature, which is indicated clearly by you being well beyond school age and borderline obsessing over your house. - You're single, obviously. - And you don't want to be.

Cards weren't necessary to give me that information, you offered it up freely, and when you're paying someone, they will absolutely tell you what you want to hear to keep you coming back as a customer.

Be extremely wary of people who make you pay to do tarot/rune/other readings; they take seconds to do and, with the information provided the customer, are extremely low effort.

At least, they are for me.

Similarly, be wary of anyone who wants you to pay for them to perform a spell or ritual for you; it likely won't do anything at all beyond a placebo effect as the rituals/spells they offer are things that you need to do yourself if you want them to benefit you and not the one casting them.

That, and if you're trying to put something negative out there, most will know how to rework it so any negative consequences they might get hit with for doing that sort of thing hit you and not them.

At any rate, the way this deck often prattles on, it spends the first few cards confirming who we're talking about, and that's what it's done here.

I was right in that little list.

You're insecure, likely have abandonment issues due to past relationships (romantic, platonic, familial, or otherwise), have a hard time trusting people, have a tendency to be overly dramatic which can and will drive people away eventually, if you have had relationships in the past you're either not over them or are still damaged from how they ended and haven't taken steps to heal and move on, and that, where relationships are concerned while you can be exciting and spontaneous, you can also be incredibly fickle and very likely aren't at a place in terms of mental health or maturity to handle a commitment.

This is where it starts to bridge out into what you asked and it starts, where the Fool left off in the paragraph above, by indicating that, for the time being, all you're likely to find are what amounts to whirlwind romances that don't last all that long.

The Nine of Wands backs that up in terms of future romance, and also goes back to mentioning that you need to deal with all of those issues above before anyone is going to be able to put up with you long term.

Six of Cups typically revolves around immaturity and occasionally an ex or someone you had wanted to have a relationship with coming back into your life.

Three of Cups backs up that, "Someone from your past returning" or a dry spell, as it were, ending.

You'll need to start working on your issues if you want anything to last, however.

Hm. The deck doesn't seem to want to move on, it's repeating itself in the sense of, "Fix your issues, even the ones you're in denial about or don't want to face." That includes fear of rejection (that would be the Two of Swords in this case).

While the Two of Cups does indicate you'll meet someone with whom you have a strong connection and mutual attraction, cards in a reading are not islands; the cards around them matter, and all of the previous cards to this one were very, very clear in that you need to get yourself together, likely via professional means, before even the most attracted to you person is going to be able to tolerate the level of insecurity, drama, and baggage you'll also bring to the table.

This isn't, "you need to love yourself" nonsense, it's, "you need to deal with your mental health, your tendency to be overly dramatic where no drama is necessary, and self esteem issues so you're on relatively stable ground."

The Ace of Wands following the Two of Cups is a fairly blunt statement to forget any fear of rejection and let the other person know you're interested. If you sit around waiting for someone to just turn up for you, you're probably going to be waiting for a very long time as reality just doesn't work that way very often.

And it's finally moved on to the second bit you were asking about: What that person will be like.

Unfortunately for you, the old proverb "in cauda venenum" applies to this person. They'll initially come off as generous, completely devoted, doting, giving you everything you could possibly want. They'll give you all the support, stability, and positive influence you could ever ask for.

...and then they'll either get bored or get tired of having to play the part of your partner and therapist (see everything above) and leave. The  Five of Swords also has heavy connotations around abuse so it's equally possible that they were never the kind, loving person they let you think they were until they knew they had their claws firmly into you and, once they know you're too wrapped around their finger to ever leave, they'll start with slow, subtle abuse, gaslighting, making you feel like they're the only one who will ever love you, etc...of course, to the public, they'll be a loving, kind martyr who puts up with what they'll tell others is YOUR poor behaviour because they love you that much, all of which can eventually lead to physical abuse, especially if they get the feeling that you're going to try and leave.

Whichever it is, the Five of Swords in terms of relationships is never a good thing.

The star sign of this person is irrelevant, but one typically sees behaviour like that in people who take star signs far too seriously and are also Gemini, Scorpio, literally any fire sign, and Libra.

All in all,  you need to work on yourself before you start jumping into relationships in any serious capacity. If you're not already getting professional mental health help that includes therapy, start as soon as possible.

As for the House thing, again, it's entirely irrelevant, you're 23, you've not been school age for some time now. Absolutely and literally nobody cares what your house is past the time you left school. It has no bearing on identity.

Ordinarily, I'd be able to tell you that based on the deck's description of you but there is no house that has an encompassing trait of, "complete mess", so I'll see if it'll give me a little more clarity.

...and it's given me a muddled mess of repeating itself but under the pervasive traits that keep getting repeated throughout the last--however many cards I've drawn now--a recurring theme, though usually in the negative sense of holding on to things that should have been long since let go and moved on from, is loyalty to those you choose to be loyal to even when it becomes self-destructive, and hard work, primarily to avoid having to let go. Keep in mind that any positive trait can easily turn dark, as it were, when misapplied or taken to the level of obsession.

That would indicate Hufflepuff but, let's see if I can get the deck to stop twisting the knife as we've already been over enough of that.

Devoted, compassionate, caring, generous, with the Wheel and Two of Pentacles indicating that this isn't the answer you wanted, which I also could have told you because you seemed hellbent on hearing Ravenclaw or Gryffindor.

While the Page of Swords has some brief flashes of Ravenclaw traits (inquisitive, curious, etc...) as before, cards do not stand on their own in a reading and nearly everyone has those fairly generic traits.

It moves on going back to more traits that point toward Hufflepuff: Down to earth, sensible in general, a nurturing/caretaker type, loyalty, being able to easily make people feel welcome.

The Queen of Swords backs that up in both traits along the lines of being empathetic, welcoming, fair, and, when representing a person, an air sign.

Libra, as I'm sure you know, is an air sign.

Sounds like Hufflepuff to me.

Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

H.

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

Love Is a Four Letter Word.

I must start this off by apologizing. This will most likely be one of the most rambling things I will ever compose. I have been pondering the meaning of this word “Love”, what it means to actually define it, and/or live it out or truly believe it.

Today’s society would say love is a feeling or a physical act. It’s being happy with a person, sex, having intimacy, etc. Others would say it’s not real, it’s simply an influx of chemicals to our brain.

Well. Here’s a fun quote.

“Love is a misunderstanding between two fools”

-Oscar Wilde

Wow. Way to be really hopeful there bud.

Well I want to know what this thing really is, I want to know what emotion causes these countless songs, these beautiful films and shows, and has started many a war.

(Please Pause and play the song 'I Want To Know What Love Is’ by Foreigner now. Done now? Ok good). 

The opposite of fear....is love.

To love is to be brave. It means being willing to put your heart and your emotions out on the line. It means you’re willing to be broken, to face danger, to face heart ache and all sorts of negative emotions.

The opposite of fear....is love. 

If you truly love something you don’t fear it. I don’t fear potatoes. I wouldn’t say I love them, but I don’t fear them. They taste good and can be made into many different dishes and are awesome with ketchup. Sorry. The Irish is talking.

I do fear relationships though. I fear the inevitable end. The thought of the girl I have been with on top of someone else, throwing away all our memories and chalking them up as a blur from her past, that scares me. I fear the moment when that girl realizes she no longer wants me and that I actually make her extremely unhappy.

I have had three girls tell me they love me. Nearly every time it was an accident. The first, I’m pretty sure I said it first and over text. High school Isaac was not know for his smoothness. The second time was in a college dorm room as I was hanging out with this girl. I later found out she had a boyfriend so that made things a bit awkward. Also btw, she chose him over me. In her words, I was safe option and she wanted to be free of commitment. The last time was in my car last year Halloween. My girlfriend at the time and I had just gotten back to her place and I said something corny and sweet and it slipped right out of her mouth. It took me a moment because I didn’t realize how serious she wanted things, but I quickly said it back as I realized my feelings were the same.

You never forget the last time a person says “I love you” to you. My high school sweetheart said it right before she walked out of my college apartment and out of my life. The second girl says it on a regular basis but it is as a friend way. My last girlfriend said it as I walked her to her car before we broke up via face time two days later. When I close my eyes, I can still picture the scene. What each girl was wearing, what the weather was, the hope I had in my heart that everything would work out. The tremendous love I had for them.

The opposite of fear....is love. 

To be honest. I don’t know if I’ve ever truly loved another girl. According to this quote, the opposite of fear is love and I have always feared. If you love you don’t fear. You don���t fear the future, you don’t fear their past no matter how awful it may have been, and you certainly don’t fear the present moment with them.  You don’t fear baring your soul to them, you don’t fear communicating to them your hurts and faults no matter how they respond, you don’t fear your relationship failing because you hope in all things. Love is not fearing despite the circumstance.

Maybe I’m the problem. I fear loving and allowing myself to be loved.

I used to joke around with my girlfriends and be like “You don’t love me”. I meant it as a joke, but maybe I was really trying to cover up an insecurity.

Love is sacrifice.

I hear that one all the time. Especially from old people. LoVe iS SaCrFiCe. haha. Sorry. It’s just so over said. But I suppose it’s true.

Love is laying down your desires. If I had my way I’d sleep till 10:30am every day and be up till 2am the next morning. Every girl I’ve ever dated is a morning person and loves breakfast. I was not good at sacrificing my sleeping for them. Sacrifice means travelling. I would drive every weekend to Stevens Point to see my girl. I even did it in the middle of a freaking blizzard, where I couldn’t see a thing and I could only go 15 mph. And we were fighting at the time! I had no reason to sacrifice my safety, except I wanted her in my life. Not patting myself on the back, but at least I did that right.

Love is sacrifice.

It takes alot of time. It takes money that I would rather spend on tattoos or I don’t know. Dune Buggies. Onion Rings. Skateboards.

Love takes a lot of courage.You have to sacrifice and be willing to open up and communicate. You have to be willing to put your soul on the line and let another rip it to shreds should they wish.

You will have to sacrifice your pride and lose a few fights. You may have to compromise on some issues. You may have to stop being stingy. I’m so awful at all three of those things. I love to win. I don’t like being wrong. I don’t like being broke.

Love is sacrifice.

Love is scary, man. I once jumped off a fifteen foot cliff into water and white water rafted just because I thought I loved a girl. That was sacrifice. Sacrifice of my comfort and being willing to put myself out there because it made her happy.

(Note: Both sides should be doing this. Not just the man should be compromising and sacrificing. Sorry you crazy feminists).

Love is meeting another right where they are, accepting them, and helping them move to a higher plane.

It’s not a feeling or an action. Those just make up Love. It’s kinda like a car. Love is the car. The feelings and actions and intimacy and whatever are the tires, the gas, the oil, etc. Love is a struggle. It;s not easy changing oil in the dead of winter. But love keeps going when the feelings are gone and there seems no reason to stay (this excludes abusive relationships). It’s work to put on new tires, but I would rather do that than try and buy a new car. Sure, it’s easy to quit on a relationship, but the loans I took out (aka the emotions and mental investment) are worth the bit of pain I may have to go through. I think most relationships quit because the accessories are gone. You’ve grown discontent, you've tried to change the other, etc. when really you just need to get back to the basics.

sacrificing sucks in the moment. But the future investment is so worth it. Think of sacrificing for your s/o like sacrificing for a doctorate degree. In the moment it blows. You’re steep in debt, you study all the time, you have no social life. But in the end...You make a ton of money and have an awesome job. The short sacrifice equals a long reward.

Love is meeting another right where they are, accepting them, and helping them move to a higher plane. 

Helping. Not forcing. Not molding. Not making. Helping. As in working with them. Holding their hand as they take steps forward. Meeting them with all their hurts, all their baggage, all their pain...and accepting them. Not fixing them. Just being there and saying “I accept you for where you are” and having your actions follow that.

Accepting. Accepting the fact they may have made countless mistakes before they met you. Accepting that They may have made questionable decisions, ended up in too many wrong beds, snorted up too many substances. But accepting that as their past. loving them for where they are and then helping them move forward.

I try to make the movement happen in an instant. I am not good at waiting, being patient, slowly building trust and then helping them take steps forward. I'm not good at Accepting when they make mistakes and then restarting the process again.

Obviously, I am no expert in any of the advice I have written as I am still single, but then again “coaches don’t play.”

I already regret typing that. 

The Bible says the attributes of Love is, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor. 13) 

That’s deep. Even if you’re not religious, you gotta admit that’s deep. I’m certainty not those things. In fact, 90% of the time in my relationships I am the complete opposite of those things.

But I don’t want to be that way. I want to love. I don’t want that word to be sour in my mouth, or something I am ashamed to say. I don’t want to fear the implications of saying that word, and be afraid of the rejection. I want to sacrifice and dote on another. I want to learn from my mistakes of trying to fix people and force them into my "model" girl.

Point is, if someone is worth something to you, there will be pain. Life sucks, so thus loving sucks to. But If I can have even half of the happiness in the good relationships I have seen...I’ll be happy.

Love may be a four letter word, but I want to say it.

I want to say it endless times to someone that will say it endlessly back no matter how awful life gets around us.

Till then dear one,

Much Love.

PENETRATORS SQUAD IMAGINE (pt 8)

Imagine being the first and only girl in the Penetrator Russ bus. Author’s note: GUESS WHO! HAHAHA so i know y’all have been hella patient with me and this fucking story, so i decided to take my saturday to try to write about it. i have read that like 648 times and every time i found a new error and i am pretty sure that if i read it again i’ll find more so please just ignore them and enjoy the part 8. WARNING THERE’S SMUT AND FLUFF and i have NEVER written about smut before, i felt like i was sinning the whole fucking time so give me a break, i’ll get better with time. also don’t ask me about part 9 because it’ll take time since i’ll be able to focus on my stories only in december. but honesly, you guys are the best and thanks for understand. love y’all (btw feedback is great so i can be sure you guys don’t hate me hahahah)

Part 1. Part 7.

Part 9.

Masterlist ❁

-

I couldn’t stop looking myself at the mirror. I knew how confident I must look for everyone but honestly? There was those days where I just... Wasn’t. I just had left the shower when Chris called me saying he wanted to talk. Our first day together in school wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. At all.

-

It can’t be this hard.

I remember telling Chris in the shower, two days ago. I should’ve known by now that nothing is actually easy when that boy is involved, especially hiding something so big as a - honestly, I had no idea how to call whatever Chris and I were.

It was Monday afternoon, and Chris managed to almost ruin everything twice. I knew him way too well to be assure that every time he got nervous about something, he became completely stupid about it.

After the amazing breakfast he made me on Saturday, I went home to process everything that was happening, and by these days, I still can’t tell what the hell happened. We texted the whole Sunday, creating plans to escape the classes - his idea -, and thinking about spots that would fit for a hot and discreet make out sessions on breaks - this one was totally me.

So, after a whole day of plans to get this right, I wouldn’t expect to be so hard for him to actually do it, what he proved me wrong on Monday morning while having breakfast with our Russ crew.

I was sitting between Julian and Henrik, laughing about some crazy shit they did on Chris’ party. All the boys were being extremely and out of normal polite and soon I realized it was because of the Theo situation. They didn’t bring it up but all it took was a look around to see how dying they were to know my side of the story. William told me Theo had to study for his upcoming tests but both of us knew it was an excuse for him not to face me.

I lost the track of my thoughts when my secret sat in front of us. His alarm didn’t ring and by his face I could see how annoyed he was because of it.

“I thought I was late,” he sighed. I pressed my lips into a thin line as a way to repress a smile. His hair was messier than usual and his shirt was inside out.

“Schistad, you look like shit.” Julian stated, analyzing the boy in front of him.

“And yet, he is still looking better than you. How is that possible?” I joked, earning a nasty glance from Julian.

“Thanks, babe.” Chris said, laying his head on the table.

My reaction was fast. I cringed to the nickname, not only because it was being told in front of other Penetrators but also because I couldn’t understand how fast he decided to call me that. Plus, I wasn’t a ‘babe’ kind of girl. Definitely not.

Julian and Henrik was staring at me with their brows knitted. I had every kind of nickname since I got in the bus. They always loved to make fun of the boys I hooked up with and they basically named me after a particular boy every week. But they never go to the cute level, when they want to be fluffy, the most they have ever done is to call me Cap. Babe, princess, sweetheart was completely out of the table, and honestly I couldn’t care less.

“Ew. Please, don’t babe me.” I told him, trying to sound the most disgusted I could. Frankly, it wasn’t hard at all.

Chris sat straight quickly, as a suddenly realization of what he did. He was the opposite of discreet, I thought, while fighting against the urge to slap him. Sadly, I couldn’t hold a deep sigh.

“Sorry, it’s just…” he paused. Oh my God, he was so bad at improvising, I swear. “My alarm didn’t work. I’m tired.”

I looked away from him, as I was searching for someone in the crowd of students. Honestly, I was just finding my strength not to scream at him.

“Fine.” Julian said, while standing up. “I need to go to the library, I’ll see you guys later.” He leaned in to kiss my cheeks. “Bye babe.” He left.

“Oh no, you little piece of shit, you didn’t-” I turned to yell at him, but it was too late. He was nowhere to be seen.

I turned back to Chris, giving him a distasteful look. He raised his both hands in the air and mouthed a ‘I am sorry’. There was still boys in the table, so I let the subject go for now.

“I need to go to my locker. I’ll meet you in class.” I told Chris.

“I can go with you.” He rushed to grab all his things, but he forgot to zip his bag, which cause everything to fall on the ground.

I turned around the table and kissed his forehead.

“I’ll meet you in class.” I repeated, earning a not satisfied groan from him.

I blew a kiss for the rest of the table, but the boys wasn’t paying attention at me. There was a new girl in the school and they couldn’t stop arguing about who she would choose of them.

I walked straight for my locker, stopping in front of it. Even thought I put my password three times, it didn’t open. I was just giving up when the new girl came and stood by my side.

She was definitely an eyecandy, I couldn’t deny it. Her skin was like cinnamon and it also was glowing. I tried to lock my eyes into hers so I wouldn’t stare at her glorious curves.

“Can I help you?” I asked her, sounding way more polite than I normally would.

“Hi, my name is Julie. I’m new here,” she smiled, while resting her body to the lockers. She started to twist her hair on her fingers, a gesture I knew way too well, since I’m used to do it everytime I was preparing myself to make a move on someone, but that girl wasn’t there to flirt with me… Or was she?

“Welcome Julie. How these people are treating you so far?” I turned again to my locker, trying to open it one more time. Luckily, it opened.

“Very well. I heard everything about you and the Penetrators.”

“I don’t think so,” I smiled at her. “It’d take a lot more than a morning to hear everything about us.”

“So, why don’t you tell me over a coffee?” Her confidence was killing me. Of course I would have this kind of temptation on my first day as a monogamist.

“She doesn’t have time for it.” A voice behind me said. I chewed inside my mouth to keep me from turning and screaming at its owner.

I felt Chris’ hand on my waist, which cause the girl to raise her perfectly done eyebrows.

“Oh, I am sorry. I didn’t know you…” she hesitated. “You were off the market.”

I had absolutely no idea about what to answer, and my mind was having a lot of trouble to find something to say since it was filled with curses for Christoffer.

“I’m sorry.” The words seemed to be running from me. “He is just a possessive best friend.”

“So, can we have that coffee?” She asked again.

I sighed. “Maybe another time, I am just focusing on school these days. Sorry.”

I did everything in my power not to look at Chris. Knowing him as good as I did, he was probably thinking how fun this situation was.

“Okay.” Julie started to turn red, what made me feel a little bad about myself. I didn’t want to embarrass the girl. I would totally go out with her if it wasn’t for the jackass next to me. “See you around.”

I smiled at her and watched her go away. Chris’ cold fingers were playing with my shirt behind me. I wanted to slap him.

“Seriously, Chris. We literally talked about it two days ago. How can you possibly be on the full boyfriend mode?”

I had to admit I was a little mad, and scared. The only relationship I had was with William so truth being told, my experiences were based on a 13 years-old relationship that went wrong. Chris have dated more girls that I can count but he never lasted with none of them for more than three months. We both sucked at this.

The smirk on his face showed me he focused on the wrong part. “Boyfriend, huh?”

“Christoffer, I am serious!”

At least, he had the decency to look embarrassed.

“Sorry,” he said, still playing with my shirt. “I don’t know how to act around you anymore.”

“Chris.” I said, placing two fingers under his chin so he would face me. I had completely notion that there was a lot of people around, but they were all used to me and Chris looking like a couple. “It’s still us. The only difference is that now, we have a little big secret.”

He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.”

I was just too tired to argue about it, so I decided to let it go. 

“I need to go to class. See you later.” I stated, kissing his cheeks and leaving in a hurry.

-

Now, in front of that giant mirror, I’ve never felt so small. It wasn’t because of Chris, or the fact he doesn’t know how to act around me anymore. But somehow, big changes were happening and I was so scared of them.

I try to focus on myself on the reflection. I had a towel wrapped on my body, but it was like my eyes were a x ray machine, looking for every single little thing I always hated on me. It’s ridiculous how I feel really bad when I saw a girl hating on herself but I don’t know how to do it either. How hypocritical of me.

I didn’t know how much time has passed. I was too busy loathing myself until I jumped when a voice came out of nowhere behind me.

“Don’t.”

I turned to see Chris next to the door. 

“Chris!”

“Your mom let me in.” He justified himself.

I took a deep breath and turn myself to the mirror again, trying to put on my confident mask, but something on the reflection of his face told me he wasn’t buying it.

“Cap...” He hugged me behind, strongly. I leaned into his touch. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Doing what?” My voice sounded weak, and I hated the fact he was seeing this part of me.

“You were looking at the mirror with such hatred eyes, and I can’t understand how.” He kissed my neck. 

When he realized I wasn’t going to say anything, not because I didn’t want to, but because I was scared I would start crying as soon as I opened my mouth, he continued.

“You’re by far the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”

“When we met, I wore braces.” I heard myself saying.

His laugh filled the room, and I felt my body relaxing a little bit.

“Still, only you could look that good wearing braces.” He touched my hand, which was holding the towel. “Drop it.” He whispered.

I closed my eyes and did what he said. It didn’t take much until I felt his fingertips dancing on my naked skin. It was like he wanted to touch every single piece of my body. His hands stopped on my waist.

“You are like a masterpiece.” He said, while giving me gently light kisses on my shoulders.

He slowy turned me to face him. 

“Open your eyes, Cap.” He mumbled.

I did. He was staring at me deeply. There was so much love in his eyes that I started to feel the tears forming. He quickly wiped them away. 

“I don’t need to say the number of girls I have made out with, you know it pretty well. What you don’t know, is that I have never, and by never I mean, NEVER, found one remotely amazing as you are. You can make my darkest days go away just by the fact you are pure light, Cap.” 

He paused so he could breathe, “and your body?” His hands squeezed my waist harder. “This body is just a wonderful shell for your incredible soul. You are not perfect, but nobody is. I am not, and you know it. So accepting your flaws doesn’t make you weak, Cap, makes you human. It can take some time so you can accept them, but I’ll be here through the whole way, to make you love them, as much as I do.” He was looking tenderly into my eyes now, and I couldn’t remember how to breathe.

It hit me. It hit me like a train and I felt like I could break down at any moment. The only response to that was kissing him the most passionate that I could. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso while he pulled me the closer that he could.

He walked me to the bed before placing myself down. He tugged off his shirt, reavealing his toned body before tossing it to the side carelessly. His fingers brushed against my bare thights, leaving an eletrifying lingering on my skin. His touches always set me on fire... Then, he stopped.

I searched for his eyes, looking for an answer.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

I grabbed the belt of his pants and took it off, throwing it aside, with a grin on my face. I kissed his stomach and found my way to his mouth, placing light kisses.  Our eyes met and our heated moment suddenly turned tender, the tension I was feeling was already slowly leaving my body.  

“I’ve never wanted someone so bad as I want you, right now.” As I said the words, I realized they were one hundred percent true.

He gave in. Chris didn’t waste any time and he ducked his head down to suck my nipples, his fingers disappearing into my hair. Pressing my lips together, I managed to strangle a loud moan before it slipped out. I rested my palms on his broad chest, before letting them slip down his chest to the hem of black skinny jeans. He bit me harder, and this time, a moan came out of my throat, and suddenly my boyfriend became whiter than he already was.

“Your mom!” He whispered, in completely despair and suddenly realization. 

“Don’t worry, I already told you, I am a quiet person.” I stated, pulling him closer again, without success.

“You literally just moaned loud.” He stated.

“It won’t happen again.” I kissed my pinky as I was making him a promise, but he wasn’t convinced.

Chris desperately ran his fingers through his steamy hair, gasping for air but failing at the attempt. “What if she opens the door?”

“Are you serious? Have you never had sex with a girl with her parents home?”

He rolled his eyes, a habit he had copied from me. “Of course I did, but I have never had sex with a girl I actually want to be together with her parents downstairs.”

I smiled. “Are you afraid of what my mom would say if she finds out that we are together together?

“I guess it depends of how she will find out. Her daughter screaming wouldn’t be a great way to do this.”

I looked at the ceiling.

“I told you I’m a quiet person.”

“You wouldn’t be with me.”

“Well, we don’t know about that. You know how we can find out? Doing it.”

“Cap...” He dropped himself on my bed, copying my position of stare at the ceilling.

I got up, and locked the door. Before he could protest about it, I sat on his lap, grinding against the thin material of his underwear. My hand trailed down from his stomach to his croach. Slowly, I unbutton his jeans and let them slip down  the fabric beneath my fingers, and tossed them out.

“Let’s see how quiet you can be, Christoffer Schistad.”

“Cap..”

I took his length on my hand, and he stopped talking. He was concentrate as much as he could, but something was telling me it wouldn’t last so long. 

I softly ran my warm and wet tongue over the head of his dick and he gasped. I started to lick it, while pumping his shaft along with it. He groaned and slid his finger through my hair. His mouth was gaping wide open and his bottom lip trembling enough for me to notice, it was red of how hard he was bitting it.

I placed a hand on his thigh to keep him steady, my nails going roughly into his skin to relive some of my sexual frustration, so I wouldn’t explode right this second, right before I wrapped my lips around the head and started to suck it. He cursed lowered as I began to put him more in my mouth. 

I pulled him out of my mouth, earning an sigh from him. Before he said anything, I traced his dick with my tongue from the bottom of his shaft to the top, tracing all of his veins. His hands grabbed the sheets so hard and they ended up turning red. 

After a few minutes of a mixture of sucking and pumping, I slid more of him inside of my mouth. I felt the tip touch the back of my throat. 

“Fuck.” He let escape. “Cap, I’m going to...”

I felt his warm liquid inside my mouth. I quickly swallowed it, what made him even more chocked. His breath was uneven, and I had never been so satisfied in my life.

“I...” He started, but he clearly couldn’t focus at anything. 

I leaned in to kiss him. My hands slipped behind his neck and disappeared into his thick, messy hair so I could push his welcoming lips closer to mine. “You’re welcome.”

“It’s your ti-”

“No.” I interrupted him. “Not today. For now, I will just appreciate the fact that I made you melt inside my mouth.”

“I’ll make it up to you at some point.” He said, pulling me closer. There was a giant grin on his face, and I couldn’t help but smile either. 

I rest my head on his chest, and licked my lips, cleaning the remains of him off my face. “Oh sweetie, I’m counting on it.” I said, giggling.

After a few minutes of silence, I got up to find anything to dress. My pink Penetrator hoodie was the first thing I laid my eyes on and I quickly put it on. Chris’ chest was moving fast, although his eyes were shut. His entire body was shaking and his lips quivering more than I had ever seen them do before.

“Chris?” I muttered to make sure he wasn’t sleeping already.

“Hm?” Almost.

“I’m sorry about my confidence issues.” I whispered, while picking up his underwear and throwing it at him.

He put it on with his eyes closed, and I couldn’t hold a smile, thinking of how much practice he must have. “It’s ok, Cap. You can hand all your issues to me, and I’ll continue to love you as usual.”

My heart went from 200 to 0 real quickly when I realized he said the��“L” word. He didn’t seem to notice it, or if he did, he was doing an excellent job to keep his calm. His body tensed up a bit, so I guess he was trying to hide it. Little does he know I was trying to do the same. 

Oh. My. God. Christoffer Schistad loves me.

So, I did end up splitting the rest of the prologue in two — now it is going to consist of three parts (this time I can say it for sure, haha) (the first part is here, btw). There’s less scenes in this one, but I’m hoping it’ll still be decent. My thanks go to everyone who commented/liked/reblogged/took interest in this fic - you guys are my main source of inspiration!!

I also forgot to do this last time, I think, but credit to @badgershite​ for some of his characters I used in this (and took some creative liberties with) - Astor Greyson, maester Wyllard & Roslin Snow.

"Well, we sure as shit ain't freezing to death this way, are we? I've heard, that is the biggest danger this far North, so if we carry on like this — I say, there's nothing to worry about." This was not the first — and likely, not the last — wise line, cracked by the very same recruit, who tried to speak to Gryff during the training. Man's high spirits didn't seem to lower no matter — not after doing rather poorly at the fighting yard ("never aimed to be assigned a ranger and become food to the shadowcats, do you feel me?"), not while having to chop firewood for what felt like ages already ("better than cleaning the swinery, am I right?") & certainly — not at the fact, that Gryff barely listened to him & only seemed to grow more annoyed with each new clever phrase.  The future watcher's name was Alen & it felt like he was everywhere at once — jumping at whatever task elders would give them, making acquaintance with other men & getting a word in every conversation, that would start amidst the crows. Few minded that — the day was dragging lazily, even more so after the sword practice has ended, and it could use at least some entertainment.  "Where do you come from?" Gryff flinched, halting with axe in his hand hanging over the chopping block, realizing it was him being addressed. Behind his shoulder, he could feel Alen giving him that same light smile he had when asking the question to everyone else in the courtyard before.  "North." He responded curtly, bringing the axe down & cracking a log in two.  "Means you didn't have to travel far from home, right? Good for you." His comrade smirked, picking up the firewood Gryff had cut. "And you're no stranger to this bloody cold either. I'm from the Reach myself, grew up near Sunhouse. Must be hard to believe for you — but I only saw snow for the first time on my way here. Imagine how it'd be for you, if you haven't known it since childhood — just wake up one morning, your sleeping bag frozen to the ground & you both covered in all white! I thought I would..." Gryff wasn't really paying attention. The other did look like a southerner, he guessed — his skin was slightly more tanned than that of most men here, & he would shiver & hug himself, trying to keep warm, fairly often, even though he remained smiling the whole time. That did not make him anymore interesting in the Whitehill's eyes. His never-ending chatter grated on his nerves & concentrating on what the man was saying was too hard either way.  "Are you planning to finish your work or prattle like a bunch of maidens 'till night falls?" A deep voice sounded from the stairs that led to the dining hall. A man was approaching them — sturdy, wide-shouldered fella, whose tone & smirk seemed friendly enough nonetheless. "Not to be a pain in your asses, lads, but it's this wood, that'll go to the fireplaces in your cells. Might want to hurry — or you'll be warming up each ones' beds yourself tonight if you don't wanna freeze!" Low guffaw could be heard, while the man sat on one of the barrels & looked over the recruits. Gryff recalled seeing this one along with Astor earlier — Corlys was his name, if he remembered correctly, and probably a builder too, from his looks & the way he followed Astor around.  "We could use some help." Ayden, one of the newcomers from the sword practice beforehand, spoke to the watcher, his tone serious. "You don't look busy — and you'll need a fireplace tonight too, like any of us." "All in good time." Corlys took no offense from being addressed so boldly by a man of lower rank. "When I first arrived, me an' my like slaved away without any help like you do now — showing what we were capable of on our own. Every'ne goes through that. First days are the toughest — you'll get used to it. Won't be long till you yourself are ordering newcomers around." "What are you here for? If you don't mind me asking." The builder asked the very same recruit, casually. "Seem tough — got in a brawl that got outta' hand? Bashed the wrong head in?" "I'm no killer." Ayden appeared to be unnerved by the implication. "And I wasn't sent here. I am a volunteer." More distinct laughs could be heard, and many curious eyes turned to the lad — Gryff's not included. That did not make the recruit waver, however, keeping his expression deadly serious.  "Not many volunteers we get these days." Corlys leaned forward, elbows on knees, eyeing the younger man with curiosity. "Was it really that bad wherever you're from? Can't imagine what'd make a man do such thing." "It was not— not bad, not worse than it was for anyone else anyway." Ayden shrugged. "I just knew that was the right thing to do. The best way of serving the Realm I am capable of." Now even Gryff stole a quick skeptic glance at him. The expression in the man's eyes suggested his words were no joke. Several others whispered amid themselves, uttering short laughs. Nobody seemed particularly impressed by what has just been said, but rather confused instead.  "Figures..." Corlys huffed out air, that turned white from the cold as it left him. "So, who else got any stories to share?" Now he turned to the rest of them, trying to stir conversation further. "Something more interesting than stealing a sack of cabbage or stabbing your fellow man over the maiden fair he bedded before you could? Anyone?”    

Gryff had no idea what kind of "interesting stories" he was expecting from these men. Not that he cared, but thanks to Alen's never-ending talking, he had, against his will, heard the other speak to most of the recruits already & found out the crimes, that got most of them sent to the Watch. Dennet has indeed stabbed some man, Eman, a short & bearded northerner, was a rapist, some lanky & ugly lad, who hailed from the Riverlands, has been caught stealing one time too many & his lord got fed up with that, but had mercy & banished him here instead of taking a hand... All clothed in the same black recruits' armor, shuffling back & forth through the courtyard, carrying out their assignments, starting small talk here & there in gruff voices, they were nothing but a faceless mass to him, barely different from one another. Even speaking to any of them seemed like a waste of time.  "What about you, pretty mug?" Corlys ran an eye over Alen, who was happy to stop by his side & join the conversation rather than continue with the work. "It was, probably, just a sack of stolen cabbage — or, maybe, from the looks of you, someone's stolen maidenhood?" It was true, that the recruit was handsome, with thick & wavy chestnut hair & soft, bright eyes. Along with the constant disarming smile, all that gave him an extremely non-threatening look. Nothing in his appearance would let the guy be mistaken for an experienced fighter. "I'm tougher than I seem, actually." The reachman made a mockingly offended face. "And it costed the last man who underestimated me. Unfortunately, he was no mere man — he was my lord's son. I only escaped with my head because I didn't kill the guy — but have roughened him up a fair bit." "What'd a wimp like you do to roughen' a man up?" Eman laughed hoarsely, dumping the chopped firewood he's carried on top of other logs. "Bit off 'is cock when you 'ere pleasin' him on ye knees?"  "Let's just say, he can't walk very well anymore." Alen crossed arms on his chest, eyes narrowing at the raper. "Nothing you, or anyone here, would want for yourselves." "I'm pissin' my pants in terror." Bearded northerner huffed, heading back to the chopping block, hands busy rubbing knots out of his lower back. "And what does the lordling has to say for 'imself?" Phrase came as a surprise, making Gryff tense up — but not turn around. He felt the other's eyes prickle his back like a knife's tip. "What makes a noble join the company of our likes?" Another inhale of cold air tightened inside his chest, his body heat not enough to warm it. Putting all of his force in it, Gryff brought the axe down for the hundredth time, chopping a log in two.  "That's not the business of any of you." Ayden cast him a glare, frowning. Corlys, turning more serious in a matter of seconds, got back up from where he sat.  "Alright, that's enough talking. Take the lordling's example and get back to work. You'll be warmer that way, and—" "And why ain't it any of our business?" Eman stood with hands on his hips, with a grin, that made a show of his cracked teeth. "Think you're too good for us, simpler folk? Well, you wouldn't 'ave been sent here if that was so — so don't be so fuckin' prissy, your lordship. Everyone's tellin' their story, so what's so special about yers'?" "Look, just drop it, alright?.." Alen picked up his own axe from the frozen ground, avoiding the eyes of either men. "I'm tired of listening to the same shit all over again, aren't you? The sooner we finish, the sooner we're all getting fed..." "I just don't want the lordling to get any wrong ideas." The raper shrugged, tucking at the end of his beard. "He thinks just because he got a darn last name, he's suddenly special?.. People deserve to know whom they'll serve with. What if he's a deserter? A backstabber? A coward? How are you going to trust him to watch yer back, if he won't even—" "That is rich" Gryff's voice sounded foreign even to himself, cold, sardonic & lacking any passion. "From a pisstain, who chose this, so he wouldn't get his prick cut off. Aren't you the trustworthy one?" "Aye." Now the man's own voice was akin to cracking of thick ice — harsh & cold. "It was my cock, that got me sent here, boy — least that means I have one. Can't say the same 'bout you so far, fourthborn. Which one of yer lord-brothers didn't you have the balls to fight, so you let them take you by the scruff & throw this far north?" His fingers tightened around the axe's handle & finally, he turned to face the opponent. Other men seemed to be low-key taking steps back from the two, forming sort of an empty circle around them. Eman's gaze only briefly scurried over Gryff's weapon, the sight causing him little to no distress.  "Hit a nerve there, 'ave I?" He cocked his head, grin widening. "Don't be shy, just say it out loud. Tell us how you got kicked out, because you couldn't keep a hold of a lousy garrison against a bunch of leftovers from biggar men's war."

Another one who knows, knows more than he is supposed to, the sickening thought pulsated in his mind, but Gryff refused to show it in any way. He could not allow anybody to know how their words truly affected him — pretending like it was nothing would be for the best. "And here I wondered who you reminded me of. You watch out there" Gryff was rocking the axe in his hand slightly, as if adjusting the weapon & readying to aim it. His shoulders hunched forward slightly & muscles tensed, prepared. "Many of the leftovers didn't live to tell that story." "Many, an' still not enough to earn you a way back in the house." The fucker was mocking him, & showed no fear, not the slightest twitch. "Drop the act, your lordship — every'une here will know who you are soon. No point in hiding—" Gryff was slowly drawing the hand with axe in it behind his back, readying for a swing, when it suddenly slipped out of his fingers — got pulled from them. Turning back, he found himself face-to-face with Astor Greyson, who displayed no signs of disturbance, weighing the axe in his hand casually.  "Decent job you lot did here, I have to admit." He looked satisfied, while handing the axe to Alen, who has conveniently stepped in from behind. "That's enough firewood for a bloody fortnight — I suggest we all take a break from this. Corlys, find the lads something else to do. And you" Gryff was just about to get back to Eman's case, this time armed with nothing more than his fists, when Astor's hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Come with me, if you don't mind. There are some things, I believe, only you can help me with." Gryff did mind, actually, and a lot — minded being dragged away from the starting conflict like a mutt, by his scruff, minded being in the company of this fucker, who had, undoubtedly, caused the rumors about him to start spreading. He also knew he would have to swallow all that. The rapist was smirking at him, clearly considering himself the winner, and Gryff swallowed that too, unwillingly dragging after Astor, who was leading him away from the rest of men, towards the entrance to the keep. 

It took some mental effort to find his way to the maester’s chambers. Gryff had never been a frequent visitor of the place anyway – not with Ebbert spending time there as often as he used to before fucking off to the Citadel. He also recalled little about the Highpoint’s current healer, but that hardly mattered now – it’s not like their acquaintance was promising to be a long one. He opened the door – and froze, words he was about to utter getting stuck in his throat like a bone, while Gryff’s mind struggled to process what he was seeing. Apparently, no actions were actually needed on his part – an excited gasp, the no-longer-familiar “uncle Gryff!..” exclamation, the quick patter of feet & seconds later he was hit with the full force of the jump-hug of his niece, who now clung tightly to his neck, chuckling joyously. “Now, ww-what the hell?..” A voice from somewhere behind Roslin’s back inquired, lazily, yet indignantly. “I thought I’ve told ye, I needed it to be quiet if you wan’ me to be done with the cursed scratch anytime soon…” Paying little mind to the words – or the pain that awoke in his own bruised body at the impact of the hug – Gryff momentarily snaked his arms around the girl’s frame, lifting her up & clutching close to his chest. The sheer emotion was overwhelming, causing his hands, one pressed securely to her back, and another – stroking the fluffy golden hair, to tremble. His fogged brain hadn’t even registered what was going on yet, but the feeling of foreign warmth already settled inside – so real, so tangible, that it was slowly replacing the sheer hollowness, that was there seconds ago. “I knew I was right and you’d return, eventually!..” Roslin’s voice at one point turned high-pitched from excitement. Her embrace felt so tight, that if Gryff was to let go of her, she’d probably remain hanging from his neck, legs dangling in the air. “Why was it so long though? No one would even tell me where you were, so I had no idea- but is this because of what happened with the bad men sneaking in tonight? I thought you were fighting them, but they are gone, and you’re here, and that’s good, because I don’t want them to get you.”  She chattered on, her thought trail flowing from one subject to another overwhelmingly quickly. “It’s safe now that father has fended them off, so I think we should all be staying here, so he can protect us if they try doing it for the second time. I’m glad you didn’t run in with them on your way home- you could’ve, but it’s still good that you’ve arrived…” Finally, she stumbled, having run out of all air. “S-slow down there, little star.” It’s been so painfully long since he had a chance to say that nickname. Carefully, Gryff pulled back from the hug, still holding Ros in his arms securely, to examine her face. The initial excitement was wearing off, as the sight of a long, red cut on her face caused his blood to run cold.  "What happened?..” He couldn’t prevent the horror he felt from leaking into his voice. Almost against his will, one of his hands moved to touch her cheek below the horrendous scar, as if checking whether she was still in one piece & otherwise unharmed. “Who did this to you?” “I’m trying to tell you – it was the bad man.” The girl winced & Gryff sensed her whole body become tense briefly. “Wait – did they, did they actually get you too?” She must’ve only noticed his missing eye now. “Are you hurt?” She reached to touch the fabric of his eyepatch, but then pulled her hand back, like she was afraid of causing him more pain. “Did you run in with the bad men? Was it them who hurt you? How bad is it?” “Nothing.” There was unusual firmness in Gryff’s tone & he pulled Roslin back in his embrace, hiding the sight of his missing eye & the scars, that ran from under the eyepatch like thin cracks in stone, from the girl’s line of view. “I swear to you, it’s nothing, little star. I’m fine – I just need to know, that you are too.”  His arms were already getting tired from holding her – curse the bone-deep ache & weakness, that sat in him ever since the fall – so Gryff stepped forward, carefully lowering his niece back to sit on the low table where the maester was tending to her when he came in. “That is good to know.” A smile returned on her face within a moment. “I’m fine too – it just still hurts a little, but father said I was very brave and could bear it a little longer, so I did, and it’s good now.” Roslin’s expression became more concerned. “I- I’m glad your eye doesn’t hurt, but – I hope you can also still see? I don’t mean anything, it just looks… Well, it is…” She struggled to find the right words & Gryff couldn't blame her. It looked fucking revolting, the skin around the wound unnaturally green, blue, even yellow, inflamed scratch marks threatening to leak with either blood or some gross liquid he didn’t even have a name for. “I mean it – it’s nothing.” He didn’t even have to force a smile – it just crept on his lips naturally, from merely looking at Ros. Gryff took a seat by the girl’s side, circling an arm around her shoulders. “I can still see you well enough to tell how much you’ve grown, can’t I? It’s all good.” “If you say so.” With a content sigh, she moved closer to him. As she took one more look at his face, her smile widened further. “It’s like we match now! See – and on the same sides.” She pointed out. “I mean, it isn’t pretty, but it isn’t too bad either. It’s… I don’t know… It’s sort of special? Us having something in common like that.” Roslin shrugged, absentmindedly swinging her legs in the air. Gryff had his own opinion on the matter, one he would not voice, so as not to upset his niece. His gaze kept traveling back to her scar, the sight causing uneasiness to swell in his stomach. The hasty story about some “bad men” just wouldn’t form into anything coherent in his head. He needed some explanation of how that could’ve happened – how the fuck did they allow Ros to get hurt at all. His bewildered gaze traveled across the room until it stopped on the maester, who’s been watching them with a displeased scowl, annoyed at being ignored by the duo. “S-so, you must be Gryff, eh?” Finally, the man spoke up. “His l-lordship’s brother. Didn’t expect you to ever come barging in to me like that.” The words were heavily laced with sarcasm. “From the way he speaks of you, I thought you’d be sent to crypt up'n arrival, not here…” Roslin didn’t seem to get the implication, while Gryff shot the healer the dirtiest look he could manage. He’d gladly get up & demonstrate just how much damage he could still do for someone ready to be buried, but violence was clearly off limits in the presence of his niece.  “Cut the crap, maester.” He spoke through his teeth gritted. “And tell me what the actual hell happened here, will you? How could she get hurt like that?" “We all ‘ave nearly gotten hurt while you were sitting your ass off at Ironrath, pretendin' to be important.” Wyllard didn’t seem to care about the fact he was talking to a noble – probably due to being aware of Gryff’s place in the house’s hierarchy. “The F-forrester an’ his Glenmore buddies were here… And some other lord with ‘em – some, eh… Grey-something… Fuck if I know. What I know, is that the fucker meant to slit as much throats as he could – an’ would’ve, if Torrhen didn’t know bet-tter, and haven’t set ‘em a trap…” Gryff blinked once, then the second time, his mind barely even registering any of what was said past the last name “Forrester”. “Do you…” His throat felt like it has turned dry as parchment. “Do you mean it was Rodrik- Rodrik Forrester who did this?” “I don’t know for sure.” Roslin intervened, frowning a little with the effort to recall. “I think, papa fought him – but it was someone else who cut my face. I don’t really know…” If anything, she appeared confused rather than scared. “Someone just grabbed me and held me from behind… Then I got cut- I don’t remember how, exactly… The man who did it was gone, but I didn’t see where. And there was somebody on the floor – he must’ve been hurt too…” It wasn’t just shivers that ran down Gryff’s back now – it felt like waves of heat & cold took turns rushing under his skin. Before he knew it, the arm around Roslin tightened, protectively. She looked like she was searching her memory for another moment, but then shook her head a little – almost as if shaking off the thoughts – and looked back at Gryff with another smile. “Papa was there to protect me though.” She concluded. “What happened to him?” Gryff barely even recognized his own voice – dreadfully calm & steely, enough that it seemed to make Wyllard shrink from unease. “Where is he now?” “The Forrester? On the way to his bloody keep, for all I know…” Maester scoffed, but sensibly moved in the opposite direction from Gryff a bit & pretended to go through the equipment he left on a smaller table. “Hell knowss-s – after I’ve finished patchin’ his arm, he and their men, that were left…” “Patching his arm?” None of this even seemed real to Gryff – it felt more like a strange dream you’d get from sleeping in a hot room. A stupid story somebody made up out of boredom. “On the way to his keep? What the fucking hell are you saying?” Roslin seemed to be shifting a little in her seat, disturbed by her uncle’s change in demeanor, but even that couldn’t bring the man back to his senses. “Are you telling me, that Rodrik Forrester came here at night to start a slaughter, got Roslin hurt and is still bloody alive?.. Where do you think his lordship Torrhen was looking then?” “Fuck- what d’you expect me to say, huh?” Wyllard fought back in a small voice, his eyes shifting across the room, trying to look anywhere, but at the man silently seething with rage in front of him. “I’m-mm just, just tellin’ you what I saw, alright?! As for Torrhen – how ‘bout you go an’ ask him yourself? It was his bloody idea to make peace with them and let them go! That - and give up some of his guards, no less…” “Peace?..” “Why do we have to talk about this now, uncle?” Ros tucked at Gryff’s arm, trying to get his attention. ”The bad men are gone – you don’t have to worry about them anymore. Why don’t you tell me where you’ve been this whole time instead? I’ve been dying to find out for so long!” For half a second Gryff tried to collect his thoughts & think of something to respond with, before the maester, albeit without knowing, came to his aid. “And I’ve been dying to find out why you came ‘ere in the ff-first place.” Wyllard grunted. “Can’t be the eye – don’t tell me you never got it sorted out over the whole time you’ve been away…” It only hit Gryff now, that he was supposed to be having his injuries looked at right now. Determining whether he was good to leave — that last part has completely slipped from his mind when he saw Ros, who was now leaning on his side, smiling joyously. The thought of having to voice the truth of the matter to her clenched his insides in a cold, painful grip.  "I... Fell off a horse on my way here." The part where he was first stabbed in the back by a little Forrester shit out of the blue, and then kicked about by a bunch of Ashwood bastards, was left out — it hardly suited his niece's ears. "Hit my head, and, eh... Everything else, really." He was stalling, wishing to prolong the calm moment. Gryff truly had no idea of what he'd say to Roslin when it was the time — he still had trouble processing reality on his own, leave alone putting it to words.  Realizing he could not escape more work, Wyllard rolled his eyes, grimacing like all of his teeth had suddenly started hurting. Gryff noted how pale & sickly the maester was looking — not exactly ill, but definitely not normal either. If he had to guess, he'd say the other was suffering from hangover, but that didn't make much sense — Torrhen would hardly let one if his men go drunken if he's been preparing for an ambush.  "Fuckin' fine." He huffed, shuffling through his equipment. "Take your shit off then — armor, eyepatch... I'm gonna ss-see what's to be done." Gryff hesitantly obliged — first unfastening the pauldrons, then slowly & carefully dragging off the leathery armor, his scarf & shirt, remaining naked up from the waistline — an action, that made him bite the inside of his mouth to keep from moaning, all the injuries starting to ache worse at once.  The sight under there was not... pretty, to put it mildly, enough to make Roslin gasp softly in shock. Gryff himself had not quite anticipated the extent to which the damage went. Stunned, he observed his side that's been skinned raw, most likely when hitting the ground after the cliff fall, & the almost black bruises where he received the kicks from the four fuckface siblings of his cursed former bride. Scratches & dried blood adorned almost his entire frame, and the stab wound under the left shoulder blade, while not too deep, throbbed fiercely.  "So... You did run in with the bad men..." Ros stated quietly while her uncle, wincing, took off the eyepatch too, just to reveal a messy wound that used to be an eye — scratched raw, wetly glittering from blood & puss, that have been soaking from it for gods know how long now, while the injury remained untreated.  "I... Did, little star, yes." He had to admit, turning his face away from Roslin, so that the missing eye wouldn't attract her attention.  "Don't worry about that." He added quickly — & just a tad sternly. "Better tell me how things have been around here while I was away." He gave her an encouraging smile. "I've heard rumors about your parents finally getting around to giving you a little brother, right? How do you like him?" It was of great importance to the fouthborn that Roslin wouldn't become neglected in favor of her more legitimate sibling. With his brother's uncontrollable ego, Gryff wouldn't put that past him, as for his woman — he knew nothing of her, not even if she cared for her husband's bastard child at all. She was not Roslin's parent by blood — but he could still see it hurting the girl if a trueborn boy would be openly cherished more. The mere thought made his blood boil.  "Of course I like Karl!" The mention of her sibling seemed to cheer Roslin up, excitement flickering in her eyes. "Have you seen him, uncle Gryff?” Question was met with a mere shrug — he did, out of the corner of his eye, notice a bundle wrapped up in clothing in the arms of lady Whitehill, but that was it. "You really should! Father might not like that... But, I think, when he is busy enough not to notice, we could sneak you to take a look? Mother is going to agree, I'm sure — she doesn't know you, but I'll tell her you mean no harm — and she'll see it herself when she meets you!" "Mother?.." He sounded slightly surprised — mostly from not expecting that. While Roslin spoke, Wyllard had pushed a bowl of water & a washcloth towards him to clean the blood off while he prepared his equipment, which Gryff did, not without wincing. "So, I take it, you and your father's wife get along nicely?" He tried his best to make that sound natural — it was just the fact, that he was not used to Ros calling anyone "mother". The word as whole held nothing but a negative, hate-filled undertone for Gryff — but he'd be glad to know it wasn't so for Roslin.  "Me and lady Greta? We do, yes..." Mention of the woman seemed to fluster Ros further, her features filling with an even more overjoyed expression, but something seemed to hold that joy back in a way. "Oh, uncle, I can't wait till you get to know her! She's so— I, I don't even know! She is the best mother I could ever hope to have. I knew father would bring me one, eventually, but I never expected it to be someone like her." Something akin to uncertainty reflected in the girl's blue eyes, and her gaze traveled to the floor.  "I... wasn't sure she'd want me to be her daughter, to be honest." She confessed quietly, making Gryff's heart skip a beat. Smile was back on her lips in a heartbeat, though. "But she did. And I wouldn't want to have any other mother." Before Gryff could respond, he felt Wyllard's hand on his torso, palpating the ribcage unceremoniously, making him gasp in pain. Maester observed the damage, his gaze glassy & mind clearly not in the action.  "Ssseven hells..." Healer shook head, as if trying to get his brain into working. "Doesn't look like you got any broken ribs to me... Does it hurt to breathe in? Deeply, try it." Unwillingly, Gryff took a deep breath, that seemed to make the pressure & pain sharper in the spot maester's hand was on. As soon as he felt like he couldn't handle it anymore, he hastily sighed, letting out the air, that prompted another short stab in that spot, but then the ache eased to dull again.  "Eh— one might be cracked..." Wyllard shrugged & stepped back from him. "Will 'rap it up just in case. F-ffor now" He picked some bowl from his table & shoved it in Gryff's hand. "Just spread this on your wounds. That should do." Gryff squinted down, distrustfully — he's been given some gooey salve, that distinctly smelled of herbs. Something told him, the maester was to take a little bit more of a participation in the process — but he honestly had no wish for the drunkard to touch him more than needed. Dipping fingers into the ointment, he started carefully working it into his skin where it hurt the most, wincing from the cold & pain awakening in the scratches.

"What did he mean... one is cracked?" Ros tilted her head to the side in confusion. "What is cracked?"

"His rib, girl." The maester barked, annoyed, meanwhile proceeding to cut a long & wide piece from a cloth, that he, presumably, meant to use as a bandage. "What else you think it'd be — his skull? I'd n-not be surprised... And what are you doing hanging 'round here anyway? You're fine, so quit gettin’ under my feet — go search for your father, or something..."

"Leave­ her be, you..." Gryff almost dropped the bowl, sharply turning to face the healer, his eye hurling lightnings. "You drunken fool." He had to tone down what he actually wanted to say in Roslin's presence, making up for it with venom in his voice.  "She can be wherever she pleases — nobody asked for your bloody opinion." Part of him was simply enraged that this cretin would dismiss his niece as nothing more than a bother. Another, however, shrank from chilly fear when Wyllard mentioned Torrhen. There was a high possibility Roslin would indeed run off to find her father if reminded to — and then he could possibly not get another chance to speak with her before leaving. Then she'd be led to believe he chose to go away again without an explanation or a goodbye — Torrhen would undoubtedly instill the idea in her mind. The mere thought made the entirety of Gryff's skin crawl with anxiety.

"I told you pa says I can be where I want, didn't I?" Ros looked at Wyllard victoriously, but there was hardly any gloating in her tone, so he simply scoffed, admitting defeat. The girl turned back to Gryff, smiling, glad that her uncle had backed her up on the subject. 

"And I'm not getting under your feet, right? I just missed you, that is all!" He couldn't resist — rising his left hand, the one that wasn't covered in salve, to shuffle through her golden hair, causing the girl to chuckle. "I'm just really glad you're home. I know you and father don't like being around each other, but you can just be in different places, right? The castle's big enough for you two. I hope you can stay for a while now..."

Gryff could feel his throat tightening dangerously. He dreaded the revelation, and wished for nothing more than to defer it just a little more — but he could not bring himself to be dishonest with her at the same time. Roslin was noticing the change in his expression, he could tell, so he had to speak up, while he still could.

"Little star..." His hand lowered to rest on her shoulder, Gryff cleared his throat, having to clench his teeth to remain calm. "I... I'm sorry, but— I can't, well... stay..." His bewildered & guilty gaze shifted lower, feeling unable to face her. "I'm going to leave again... And soon, actually. I will be gone for even longer this time..."

"What?" Girl's big, blue eyes grew wide from shock at first, but then her whole expression changed to a hurt one. "Why? Uncle Gryff, that's just not fair..." There was a soft whining intonation in her voice, that made Gryff's heart drop. "Even father says he can stay now, and he is the lord! Why do you have to go away again? And where? What is so important that you'd leave us because of it..."

"I would not!" Gryff's swift response sounded almost desperate, while the hand on Roslin's shoulder started to tremble. "Ros, you have to believe me — I-I don't want this, but I have no choice. Your father is sending me to the Night's Watch." At the mention of his sentence, Wyllard perked up a bit, squinting with curiosity. "I have no choice, he—" Gryff fell silent, hit with the realization, that he had trapped himself. He couldn't speak ill of Torrhen in her presence — not unless he wanted his niece to hate him — but he could not take the blame for this either, couldn't let her think he was leaving willingly.

"The Night's what?" Ros wrinkled her nose, frowning. "Is that far from Highpoint? Why do you even have to be there? When will you return?" She kept asking questions Gryff simply could not bring himself to answer. The last one, however, seemed to have attracted the maester's attention.

"Rr-return? From the bloody Watch?" He smirked lacklusterly, wiping the blade in his hand on the ragged pieces of cut cloth. "This 'as to be a joke, right?.. Or don't you know that—" The man was cut off, when his sleepy red eyes met Gryff's. Something in the way the fourthborn looked at him caused Wyllard to shut up instantly, and cower, bending over his working table & keeping his head low.

"You can't even tell me? Roslin's tone grew more worried. "What even is that place? Is it safe for you to be there?"

"N-now, actually..." The pair was interrupted by Wyllard’s approaching, with bandages at the ready. "If what's they been sayin' 'bout you and the Ashwood lot's true — hell, it's prob'ly safer for you there than 'ere. 'Least they won't come bargin' in, demanding yer h-hhead — and if they do, heh, I wish 'em luck. The Watch gives no fucks about lords' games. They got bigger things to worry for.”

Gryff stared back at the man, baffled — more so by the coherency of his words, than their content, as well as the fact, that the maester has unknowingly helped him out. Ros blinked, overwhelmed by the flow of new information she clearly had trouble sorting out.

"Ashwoods? Are they part of the bad men too?" She turned to Gryff with a concerned frown. "Why else would they want to come and get you?"

"Yes... Yes, Roslin, they are." He had little choice of what to say, and Gryff's response was genuine enough. "They are the ones I ran in with on my way here."

"So it were them who injured you so badly?" Roslin gasped. "We—we can't let them get you again!"

"Your lord-father took care of that though." Wyllard dropped casually. "As I was sayin' — that ain't gonna be a concern when he's at Castle Black..."

"So he is protecting you from the bad men by sending you there..." As the girl concluded, her face gradually lit up again. "Uncle, I'm going to miss you, but... I can't ask you to stay if it's not safe, right? And if papa thinks it isn't, then it must be bad..."

"And I'll miss you, little star..." He needed all of his remaining strength not to let too much of his true emotion show. "Thank you... For understanding."

"Of course." Much to Gryff's relief, Roslin was now relaxed & smiling brightly again. "And when you're back, we can still..."

"Actually.­" Maester's hissing low voice interrupted them yet again, and Gryff instantly tensed — afraid, that the other was about to drop the harsh reality on Roslin. "Nobody's gonna be gettin' back, or forth, or wherever if I don't bandage him the f-fuck up now, so how about you let me get to it?" He was clearly getting tired & looked like he'd rather be going to sleep than dealing with a second patient that night.

Motioning for Gryff to get his arms out of the way, he got to wrapping his torso up tightly, prompting a low groan from him. The maester wasn't showing his fresh scars any mercy & the bandage was tight enough to make it harder to breath & his cracked rib start to hurt worse. Roslin flinched at the sound, concern finding her face, but only for a moment as she figured out what to do immediately — carefully taking Gryff's hand in her own, smaller one & smiling at him encouragingly. The action was enough to take his mind off whatever was being done to him — despite the pain, a smile cracked his own face.

Finishing his job, Wyllard finally cast a look at the festering wound in the place of an eye, scowling with disgust. Taking eyepatch off just made it worse & the mere touch of air against sore, raw, wet injury made Gryff squirm uncomfortably. The maester got back to his table, hand hovering over the load of tools.

"I take it, no one's looked at it for fuck-knows-how-long­, ey?..." Finally making up his mind, he picked up what looked like a rather sharp knife with thin handle & a double-edged blade. Gryff gulped nervously at the sight of dried brown blood that stained it, while the healer proceeded to scrub it off with some cloth.

"The hell are you about to do with... this?"

"What d'you think?" Squinting, Wyllard lifted his empty stare to him. "Even the girl here could tell it'ss rotting. You're runnin' a fever, if you couldn't tell — it's s-still low, but if nothing's done, it'll get worse. And if the abscess ruptures, and all that is in there starts ss-spilling outta control... You don't want it happenin', trust me."

"But, you can do something about it, right?" Roslin hardly understood the meaning of these words, beyond the fact, that her uncle wasn't doing good, and that was enough to rise her worry. "I won't get under your feet anymore, promise — if you can fix it..." 

The offer sounded so innocently genuine, that it promoted half a smirk even from Wyllard.

"Course I do." He grunted hoarsely, uncorking a small vessel, that instantly filled the room with a sharp, alcohol-like smell — prompting a satisfied sigh from the maester. With visible regret, he spilled the liquid on the blade, making it glitter slightly. "Goin' to cut it open myself." The man grinned, like it was more of a dark joke, than anything, and upon noticing how Gryff looked at him, added: "Unlesss you'd rather just leave it be. Suits me ffine, honestly. W-who knows" He shrugged, concluding under his breath, so that Ros wouldn't hear. "Perhaps that's the way Torrhen would actually prefer it to be..." Gryff watched the blade silently, unable to make up his mind at once. The mere thought of it cutting into the overly sensitive flesh of the wound & letting out whatever’s been gathering there was frankly terrifying – just as much as the perspective of doing nothing about it, until it would fucking leak inside his skull or some shit. He did feel feverish, had been feeling that way for a long time, but had already grown used to it, only reflecting on his state now that it's been pointed out to him. Whenever he was not distracted enough to stop caring, the wound itched, and burned, and made him feel restless and nauseated. Something needed to be done about it, he tried to convince himself, but the sight of the maester’s knife made it impossible to push out a word. 

Hell, maybe saying no to Cley, when he had offered to look at the wound wasn’t actually a very good idea... Noticing the tense silence from her uncle, Roslin tightened the grip of her hand around his.

"It can't be too bad, right?" She stated in her most confident tone, looking up at him. "I was scared to have mine looked at too, but it was okay in the end – only throbbed for a little, but then felt better. You want me to stay here while he looks at your eye? I don’t think ma and pa will be looking for me – they must be busy, after all that’s happened…” Gryff’s only eye met hers, and the decision pretty much made itself. “I guess, if you were brave enough, then I should try to be too, right?” With a nervous laugh, he clenched her hand in his own – just a bit, careful not to hurt Ros. “Only because you say so, little star.” With that said, he swiftly nodded to Wyllard, before fear had a chance to get hold of him once more. “Fuckin’ finally.” The man huffed as he approached him, lifting the blade so that it was right in front of Gryff’s eyes. “I’ll try to be quick, so you try to keep silent” maester’s eyes stopped on Roslin briefly. “and not break her damn fingers. Not gonna lie” he smirked grimly. “That’s-s about to hurt like all seven hells, and more than that…” Before any response could be received, Wyllard brought the blade forward & sliced, cutting through the inflamed, festering flesh.

He followed Astor through dark & cold unfamiliar corridors & several stairways, that felt like a maze to Gryff. The other had cast him a look or two, but must've considered his expression too hostile to try & start a conversation. The Whitehill felt little to no inclination towards speaking – it would, after all, most likely be some shit about how he was supposed to try harder to get along with the others, like he was fucking ten. When the watcher finally spoke up, they were in an empty hallway, with no other black brothers to be seen.

“So, Gryff – I take it you had a chance to look around a bit?..”

“So, ser.” He parroted the other’s casual tone. “I take it, you pester every man who arrives here, till they’re ready to jump from the top of the Wall just to be rid of you?”

“Well, not exactly every one of them.” That wasn’t enough to put Astor Greyson out of countenance, even if a shade of surprise reflected in his expression. “Only those, who, I think, need it most, truly.” That made Gryff roll his eye, unsurprised – Torrhen would never have missed a chance to stick it to him one last time, writing the best damn recommendation letter possible, one that painted him as something in between a psychopath, too dangerous to trust with a training sword, and a drooling moron, unable to tie his own shoelaces. It only made fucking sense, that this man would set out to supervise him – new lord Whitehill knew exactly what to say to ensure Gryff would not be trusted.

“While we're at it” deciding, that it was probably best to keep moving, Astor went on, continuing his speech without having to look Gryff in the eye. “Any luck with picking a place to stay? For the time being, at least. Not like it’s luxurious, but we have so few men, that newcomers can be choosy with the sleeping place. If you’re still uncertain, I could always help out. Have been here long enough to know what might suit your taste.”

“Fuck if I know.” Gryff jerked a shoulder, muttering under his breath. He didn’t even know which of the buildings were meant for the watchers to sleep in, much less where he’d like to be. He had no wish to be anywhere at Castle Black for another minute, and neither – to take any help from this man, but just saying nothing would make him look stupid. “Somewhere where it’s quiet, I guess. Far from the fuckers like the one you so kindly took me away from.” He couldn’t help but add the last sarcasticsentence.

“Hardin’s Tower should be good if you’re the loner type.” Astor stated. “Too lonely for my taste, barely anyone lives there – a couple brothers, and, I think, a wildling or two, out of those few, who fancied staying here – in case such company bothers you.” Gryff couldn’t care less, and actually found that fitting, in a way. Whatever wildling chose to settle down at Castle Black would likely become a pariah among black brothers from day one – a fate, that, the Whitehill presumed, he would soon share. 

“You’ll hardly even run into each other much. What do you say?” One more question Gryff didn’t grace with a response, just shrugging in an irritated manner. Hardin’s Tower it was, then – not that he had even been expecting to be given a choice. If the Greyson had only called on him to discuss accommodation, then he expected to be able to leave now – and possibly seek Eman out, to explain, in the most expressive of phrases (and punches) the error of man's ways to him.

“I’ll let myself be honest.” They have approached a door, that Astor opened, revealing a small, but comfortable enough looking cell to Gryff’s view, & motioning for him to follow inside. “I understand, you must not be in the… best of moods, but I don’t recall giving you a reason to be so hostile to me in particular. If I did something to offend – you should say so, so we can work it out. Shooting glares and rolling eyes won’t get us anywhere.” He didn’t smirk anymore, but didn’t look angry either – just serious, waiting patiently for Gryff explain himself.

“What gives you the thought, that I want to work anything out with you?” Anger was starting to choke him. “Who the fuck do you even think you are, my wet nurse? Or have you read a bloody letter, by a fuckface you know nothing of, and now think you know everything about me? Well, guess what – that’s nothing to pride yourself on, if every last man in this fucking keep had already taken a peak too. So how about you let others handle the mess, and leave me be, if I’m being such a bother?..”

That was the most words he had uttered at once, probably ever since departing from Highpoint, and now he was out of breath, glaring at the man in front of him with disgust. Astor, however, frowned & seemed genuinely taken aback, for the first time since meeting Gryff.

“I’m sorry, but…” He shook his head a little, frown furthering. “I genuinely don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“For fuck’s sake…” Gryff threw his head back, jaw clenching tightly. “Quit pretending to be clueless, will you? Or why’d you think I even bothered with that asshole, there, in the courtyard? He knows awfully a lot about my life, that I’ve told no one here. Oh yes, he, and the master-at-arms, and probably every last stableboy as well at this point. Where do you think they would get all that, if not from you – and from the bloody letter?”

The Greyson did not respond, instead looking at Gryff for a few seconds, and then going up to his desk, where he hastily began to search for something in the drawer.

“Now it at least makes sense why you’d get angry at me…” He spoke more to himself, than to Gryff, who watched on uncomprehendingly. What he got out was the familiar envelop. “I’m… at a loss, really. This is actually what- part of what I called you here for, but I guess, other matters can wait. I understand why you’d think it was me spreading rumors, or showing the letter around, but you see – that’s not what happened. I simply had no chance to.” 

He handed the envelop to Gryff, who stared at it, baffled – the blue seal with the familiar Whitehill sigil was untouched. “I haven’t read it, and, apparently, nobody else did. Don’t know if you’ll believe me, but nobody heard the things I know about you from me either. I have no interest in doing that, and ser Raffard isn’t exactly someone I’d share those things with either way.”

“But…” Gryff blinked, pieces refusing to come together in his mind. “If not from you or the letter, then how would they…”

“No idea. Maybe the men you arrived with told someone when you didn’t hear. Perhaps somebody else wrote the Watch, unlikely as that is… Anyway – I’d like to consider the problem between the two of us resolved. I don’t blame you for getting defensive – I just hope you believe me now.”

Gryff’s eye moved from the watcher to the letter, and then back to the watcher. He wasn’t sure of what to say – still not over the previous fit of anger, but not exactly feeling comfortable with taking it out on Astor anymore.

“Why didn’t you read it?..” Were the first words he found. “And… why give it to me instead?”

“Not going to lie.” Astor motioned towards a seat, inviting Gryff to take it – another gesture, that was ignored. “Under other circumstances, I would probably have at least taken a look – not to go and tell others about it, of course. However, after your arrival I’ve had time to put together what I’ve heard of you and of your house, and well… I decided, it wouldn’t be the best way to go about things. Let’s say, I’d rather get to know you myself, than let your- other man’s opinion of you muddy the waters.”

“Are you not, at least, curious what I was sent here for?”

“A failure to keep a stronghold of your enemies following a war.” Astor stated plainly. “The man, who brought you here told me that much – and for me, that’s enough. Unless, of course, you yourself have something to add, Gryff – in which case, I’m all ears.”

None of this made sense to him, not a even a bit-

“So, you’d trust my word, but not my lord-brother’s?” Gryff scoffed, skeptically. “A wise choice... would be for someone, who knows us both, which you don’t.”

“With all due respect for your lord-brother” the Gresyon went back to smirking. “I don’t particularly care about him, or his words. He’s at Highpoint, and that’s where he’ll remain, from what I can predict – while you are here, and to be my brother one day. What you have to say is, from now on, far more important to me, than any words of any man south of the Wall.

You can lie to me, if you please, but the only one you’ll be wronging by doing so is yourself.” Astor went on with a sigh, taking the offered seat himself. “Things are different here, Gryff, and if you think you have a better idea of what life at the Wall is than other newcomers, just because you’re a northerner – you’re mistaken. That’s a mistake I made as well when I just arrived. Things, that people used to condemn you for in your past life, won’t matter the same way in the Watch – unless you give them the power to. You’re to start a new life, give your name a new meaning – and lies aren’t the best way to go about that. I’m sure, you understand that yourself.”

He was left at a loss of words. Surely, this has been merely a lecture, an attempt to teach him some “wisdom of life”, yet at the same time – it didn’t come out as unnecessary & stupid, as most of life lectures, that Gryff had chanced to hear before. Words about Torrhen stuck out particularly, but he refused to think into them further. As soon as he’d start to ponder them, he would fall into a dangerous trap – and perhaps even grow to think of this watcher as someone to be trusted, someone who actually understood things & maybe even gave a shit.

That was a mistake Gryff could not afford.

“What…” He swallowed heavily. “What with the letter? The fuck am I to do with it now?..”

“Whatever you think is best. Read it, burn it, keep it or toss it out – it is only fair that you get to decide.” Astor concluded. “I won’t pretend to know more than I do, but I think you deserve that, Gryff. This is about you, about your new life. I just think you deserve a chance to keep it untainted by the past. Everybody here does.”

There were many questions Gryff would’ve asked, had he enough energy to do so. How had Astor guessed what the contents of the letter would most likely be, how had he learned things about the Whitehill family, why was he sorting out his problems, even though no one probably ordered him to, what possessed him to even bother… But he kept silent instead, his eye lowering. Now that he wasn’t angry, at least not at Astor, speaking became a chore once again, and he felt exhausted, suddenly. Hours of work had not affected him, but a simple human interaction drained another source of strength – one, that had been almost worn out for inside of him. 

“Can I go now?” Gryff only spoke up because staying silent any longer would’ve been awkward. He just wished to be left alone, and the Greyson seemed to understand, as he simply nodded.

“Aye. Go, of course. Don’t bother returning to the courtyard – it is late already, everybody must be at the dining hall. You go too – have something to eat, you could use that. And find me if you’ll need anything else." Last words were specifically empathized. "And I mean this – literally anything.”

Opening the door to the hallway, the cursed letter still in his hand, Gryff practically felt Astor’s gaze with his back – and dreaded the possibility of him saying something, asking another question, or making a comment, yet none of that came. The door closed, cutting him off, but as Gryff walked all the way back, same corridors & staircases floating before his eye, that gaze remained with him the entire time.

aye jade i saw someone else do this so now you must also suffer :) ship your mutuals with an idol and ship them ;) - jhoe anon

i love this ask so much tysm jhoe anon ily alkhwlahf this is so cute?? still don’t talk to many people so i’ll just stick with the same people from last time lol (with one added because i just had to)

this got really long lol (probably because i wasn’t rushed this time)

firstly i’d ship bà nội – @hellohaechan – with ten from NCT U! alright so they’d be so cute together i can’t even properly express that in words afhlakf they’d have the best friend kind of relationship because the both of them have these personalities that just go so well together like it’d be the typical falling in love with your best friend sorta thing. the type of couple that turns heads!! they’d have either ‘outgoing’ dates or lazy dates honestly there’s no in between. (i,e amusement park dates or netflix (IN AN INNOCENT WAY YA NASTIES)) + very photogenic couple selfies [like all of ten’s predebut ones and the ones you’ve sent me lol]

thennn i’d ship @ugyeoms with yugyeom from got7 (ofc lol) hm i wonder why lol anywayyy– i don’t even know what you look like but you and gyeom would be straight up couple goals!! like you’re so nice??? and soft??? n yugyeom is also v nice and soft (at times lmao) bUT you both can also get v. extra and it’s cute!! i feel like pda wouldn’t be much of thing bc he’d get shy (dunno about you lol maybe you’re outgoing like that) but cUDDLES the two of you would have scheduled hours/days for cuddling times fite me on this k. misc dates!! he’d take you out for ice cream and be all cute n stuff with you akfwakhf i’m weak

okay!! @trashforyugyeom my child (even tho you’re older than me iDC) YOU AND DOYOUNG (NCT U/127) OKAY, MY LIL BUNNY CHILDREN i feel like doyoung would be the type of bf to tease you a lot but you’d be over here throwing them comebacks right back at him afhkwa the savage™ couple okok alrighty so you two would be so soft??? no one expects it but under the teasing you guys gEt So FluStErEd around each other like you’ll jokingly wink at the other n then they’d think about it forever! dates with kdy would be really simple normally, but on days like anniversaries expect dobunny over here to be really extra with dates,,, like he’d be the type to get a freaking limo for your 5th ann. tbh

i’m smiling a lot this is cute :)) next up @chenlays with mark… … jkjk obviously she’d be with chenle (nct dream) it’s confirmed!! they’d be such an adorable couple like imagine two floofs in a relationship that’d be them, that’s a fact okay. cutest couple ever (i’m definitely going to say that a lot here lol) like they’d be so many cliches at once but they’d still keep it all real (does that even make sense kafhka) dates would be all over the place!! they’re both young so they’d be experimenting to see what they liked [amusement parks, walks, lazy days, coffee dates, etc.] the type of couple that happily single people (and people in relationships lol) would be jealous of

next!! @101mess would be with woojin (wanna one)!! honestly you’re both adorable like?? wow my heart is just– anywho, you’d be like the couple, y’know. everyone ships you [i’d imagine the rest of the wanna dorks making a group chat to gossip abt you two lol] you’re also that really extra couple,, like showing your love for each other in very extra ways (woojin lowkey making a new little dance with you like the pink sausage duo one) dates!! with!! woojin!! i feel like he’d like to teach you how to dance to wanna one’s songs and other ones and then you’d go out to some little coffee shop after afkwahkfha if not you’d take a lot of slow walks together :)

my heart is actually just– @wannabl!! forgive me for not choosing your bias buT I’D SHIP YOU WITH GUANLIN (wanna one) okay okay hear me out tho– guanlin is v extra, seemingly effortlessly. you are also v extra. the official extra couple. probably sending each other memes at 4am tbh (cOnSIDERING YOU’RE NOT SLEEPING SAKFHKJ go to beD) he’d like to challenge you to the occasional bball game, and if you’re not good he may or may not miss on purpose and then hype you tf up when you get a basket. your dates wouldn’t be too much, like they’d be the simple dates that you go on at the beginning of a relationship, but he’s really, really, really sweet to you!!

i don’t think you guys realize how cute writing this is wowow

next in line; @pinksausageduo with woojin (wanna one) i know!! i’ve done woojin already but iDc oops– dancing couple!! both of you can dance really well (btw tell me when you post the freestyle for 777 i’m hyped) so you’d dance to a lot of couple duets in your spare time. woojin can get a bit shy but around you?? confident af because you make him like that!! you’d have a generally v sweet relationship but at the same time there’d be these playful teasing jokes that make other people think ‘wtf’ alRIGHT your dates with woojin would be so fluffy oml as an idol he probably gets really busy n tired so half of your dates would be cuddle dates!! the other half are late night walks and coffee shop visits at midnight :)

alrightyyy i was originally going to ship @little-sundays with jonghyun (nu’est, stan em’) but then i saw your moodboard with jae again!! honestly your caption for the moodboard was so cute >

@binggeulbinggeul-round!! she’s so sweet omg stan her guys– anyway i’d ship you with johnny (NCT 127)!! i feel like you’d just compliment each other! you’re both very, very nice people but you’re also both kind of just chill (in a good way ofc) so you’d be a more laid-back kind of couple! your dates would probably be tumblr post worthy because johnny would love to be romantic with you when he could! you’d go on a plethora of dates– stargazing, midnight coffee runs, cuddle dates in your pyjamas, etc. i feel like he’d lowkey bring food into every date, but would you be complaining lol. i also feel like he’d be the type to buy you these small gifts every now n then but then tell you it’s not necessary to buy him gifts (johhny’s a sweetheart who deserves to be ‘spoiled’ sometimes)

@officialbabyanon,,, i couldn’t forget my own little snake could i :) i’d ship you with a snake. because you are one. jkjk you’ve mentioned being a soft sanha (astro) stan before and ilysm for it like you’re so cute when you aren’t exposing me to the world anYwho y'all can be savage af when you want to be which is kind of the reason why i chose this tol bb but you’d be so cute together!! giggly af couple, the boys would always hear your laughter whenever you come to the dorms PLUS you’re!! always!! exposing!! them!! together!! dates with sanha would either be lowkey or extra honestly like he love love loves staying in with you and just being chill but he also loves going out to places like karaoke rooms and jumping around while screaming at the top of your lungs

and finally

i wasn’t going to do this originally (i thought about it for a while tho honestly) but then we started talking and i sW e AR you are so soft??? and cute??? omg

okay so i’d definitely ship @pcypaige with donghyuck because duh– the softest couple don’t fight me on this bc it’s true!! donghyuck’s a jokester, we all know that, and that would change with you but his teasing would be a lot more affectionate somehow?? like imagine how he is with mark and multiply that by about twenty mkay you two would hype the heck out of each other afalkf like if either one of you felt even the slightest bit down the other would go out of their way to make you feel better!! also each other’s #1 hype(wo)men! just a generally very positive, soft, n cute relationship that includes the softest dates!! imagine building a fort at two in the morning with him in nct’s living room oml

p.s baby anon, redirect your attention to @pcypaige she is so soft for donghyuck it’s adorable!!

…

if you can’t tell i am v enthuastic about my mutuals

Every blog always has a what if mc was a kpop star or was a amazing singer...how would the rfa and v and unknown react if mc was tone deaf and sounded like nails on a chalkboard(mostly because I'm the worst singer ever, btw I love your blog :3 )

Okay but that’s literally me too! My singing voice is so awful too so I feel you lol! I’m sorry it took me so long to write this but I hope that you like it!! :D

Yoosung

Yoosung was off in his room playing games like usual so you decided to take a shower

He won yet another round of LOLOL and took a little break

When he took his headphones off, Yoosung heard what sounded like someone screeching to a song from in the bathroom

Yoosung shuddered at the horrible noise and assumed that it was a song that you were playing from your phone

When you got out of the shower, you walked into the kitchen to find Yoosung making some dinner

“Hey MC what was song were you listening to in the shower? And who was the singer, they were awful!” Yoosung asked you

You turned your head in embarrassment and awkwardly answered “Uh that was me singing Yoosung.”

He immediately feels so bad and runs over to hug you almost crying as he says “I’m so so so sorry MC! You weren’t that bad, really! I’m just a little tired from gaming and I probably didn’t really understand what I was listening to, please forgive me!”

You told him that it was alright and that you wouldn’t try to sing as loudly anymore

But Yoosung still felt horrible and made your favorite dinner for you and kept reassuring you that you weren’t really that bad of a singer

Zen

Zen was practicing his script for a new musical that he was starring in with you - He had a long singing part that he was excited about

Zen had the voice of an angel and you loved listening to him practice  

Once he finished practicing for his solo song, Zen asked for you to practice a duet song with him

He started singing the first part and when it was your turn, you sang your heart out to try and be as good as Zen

You finished singing your part and looked at Zen excited to hear what his opinion was on your singing - Zen’s eyes went wide, how could someone as perfect as you have such a terrible singing voice?

“So how did I do Zen?” You asked him - He blinked a couple of times and forced a smile saying “Your singing voice is uh good MC.”

You smiled brightly and hugged him, telling him how excited you were that Zen approved of your singing voice

Zen smiled and hugged you back, there was no way he could tell you how awful your singing voice was

“Hey MC, how about I give you some singing lessons to make your voice even better!” Zen told you

You happily agreed and Zen sighed in relief

Even though your singing voice was atrocious, Zen taught you some basic skills and over time it got slightly better

Zen just made sure not to let you sing in public for both your own sake and his

Jaehee

You and Jaehee were closing up the cafe for the night after a long day

You were cleaning up the cups while Jaehee was sweeping the floor

Jaehee was singing in a small voice and your eyes lit up when you heard her

You knew the song she was singing so you decided to join in and sing in your best voice

Well your best singing voice was simply terrible and Jaehee jumped when she heard you sing - “MC… What in the world was that?” Jaehee asked cautiously

You smiled and said “That was me singing silly! You have a great singing voice Jaehee, we should sing together sometime!”

Jaehee sighed and decided to state the obvious and say “MC, your singing voice isn’t very good. But mine isn’t either so let’s not sing together.”

You frowned a little but agreed saying “Yeah I guess you’re right. We can just listen to Zen sing in one of his musicals instead!”

Jaehee smiled in relief and nodded saying that she wholeheartedly agreed with you

So for he rest of the night and Jaehee cuddled on the couch and watched Zen’s musicals, neither of you singing along  

Jaehee was silently relieved that you took the news about your singing voice so well and decided that she would tell you all about your good qualities instead

Jumin

After another long, stressful day of work, Jumin was looking forward to coming home

On his way home, he thought about how he wanted to have a nice dinner with you and just cuddle each other for the rest of the night

Jumin walked in to the penthouse and the sound of someone’s singing was heard

He thought that his ears would bleed from the horrendous singing so Jumin went to find the source

Jumin was left almost speechless when he saw that the horrible singing was coming from you

You were laying down on the bed singing in your ‘unique’ singing voice to Elizabeth the 3rd

“MC, what’s wrong with your voice?” Jumin asked startling you and Elizabeth the 3rd

You smiled saying “I’m just singing a little song for Elizabeth the 3rd! We were both waiting for you to come home and got bored.”

Jumin gave you a confused look and said “I don’t understand. Your singing voice is appalling but it seems like Elizabeth the 3rd enjoyed it. She doesn’t even like it when I sing to her…”

You pouted and said “Hmph, well maybe my singing voice is better than yours Jumin! I bet you’re an awful singer too, sing something for me.”

When you heard Jumin sing, everything became right in the world

Jumin smiled when he saw your surprised look and pulled you in for a hug

From that night on, you had Jumin sing you to sleep every night since his singing voice was perfection

But Jumin still thought that even though your voice was awful, he always had you sing for Elizabeth the 3rd since she seemed to like your singing voice better than his for some very strange reason

Seven

You and Seven were bored one night and decided to go out for a karaoke night for something new and fun

Seven was extremely hyped when the two of you got there and immediately started searching for duet songs for the two of you to sing

Once he found the perfect song, Seven dragged you onto the stage to sing

It was some cheesy romance song and it was fun until it was time for your part to sing

Never in his life did Seven hear someone sing so horribly and the rest of the crowd agreed

Some people started booing you and telling you how terrible your singing voice was

When Seven saw you on the verge of tears, he grabbed the microphone and started singing in the worst voice that he could come up with

Everyone’s attention was now focused on Seven who then told him how awful of a singer he was

He had enough of the rude people and took your hand and lead you back to his car

“Why did you do that Saeyoung? I mean I know that I’m not a great singer, but I didn’t realize that I was that bad.” You sad sadly to Seven

Seven scratched the back of his neck and said “Well no offense, but your singing voice is kind of… bad. But there’s no way I’m letting those people get away with saying those mean things about you. They’re going to be destroyed by the Defender of Justice!”

So that night, Seven went through and hacked into all of the obnoxious audience member’s accounts and essentially ruined them for making fun of you

When he was finished, Seven told you all kinds of jokes to make you feel better and he said that he could use your terrible singing voice as a weapon against the other RFA members when they wouldn’t listen to him

You agreed because who couldn’t say no to this adorable dork?

V

You and V were doing some spring cleaning mostly cleaning out his thousands of pictures that he’s taken

V was in the other room tidying up and humming to himself in his own little world

But he was rudely awakened when he heard some kind of terrible singing

He assumed that you were playing some kind of music and went to investigate

V’s eyes widened when he heard the awful singing wasn’t coming from some one else, but it was coming from you

“Is something wrong V?” You asked as he continued to stare at you

“Was that you singing just now MC?” V questioned

“Yes it was! Why? Was it really that bad?” You asked nervously

V smiled telling you no that your voice was beautiful and he was just surprised was all

There was no way this angel could break your heart and tell you that your singing was horrible, no matter how bad it really was

So for the rest of the day, you sang in your awful voice to V and he only smiled, telling you how good you were

At the end of the day you had finally convinced V to sing a little something for you

And when you heard him sing, you told him that you would rather him sing than you since he was clearly much better

V had never been so thankful in his life at your request

Unknown

Saeran was acting moodier than usual today and that was saying something

You felt bad for him since he seemed more sad than anything else so you thought of some ways to cheer Saeran up

You grabbed him some ice cream and sat down on the couch with him handing him a spoon

Saeran started to feel a little bit better so when he was done, you made him lay down on the bed to cuddle with him

You laid behind Saeran, stroking his hair and he seemed to be calming down

That was until you thought it would be a good idea to sing a little song to help him fall asleep

Saeran sat straight up when he heard your terrible singing and gave you a strange look

“MC, what the hell was that?”

“I was just trying to sing you a little song to help you fall asleep since you seem kind of upset… I’m sorry if I did something to upset you.” You said sadly to Saeran

He sighed and said “Well yeah your singing voice sucks. It’s worse than Saeyoung’s laugh.”

You were about to get up and leave him alone but Saeran grabbed your arm and pulled you back onto the bed

“Your singing voice may be awful but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. Sorry if I hurt your feelings and thanks for trying to make me feel better.” Saeran mumbled

You had always made Saeran feel better because of your kind heart but Saeran made a mental note not to ask you to sing for him ever again

Unless it was to make Seven go crazy