#kth angst
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Crazy for You | kth
☆summary: you’ve known Kim Taehyung your whole life. When you meet again at a party hosted by your best friend, alcohol looses your lips and you spill your secrets to your childhood crush. Will Taehyung give in to your desire, or will you be struck by remorse?
☆pairing: Kim Taehyung x female reader
☆rating: 18+
☆genre: best friend’s older brother to lovers, a little bit of fake dating trope, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff, snippets of life
☆warnings: alcohol consumption, getting ghosted before the story takes place, lying/hiding the truth to a best friend for months, unclear relationship (and what comes with it aka reader feels cheated on (rightfully so?)), sort of miscommunication? but not really, cursing, mention of a grandparent passing away, a very awkward dinner with all the members and their own readers (no one is named, gets a little redundant? but since everyone is a reader, it had to be done), pregnancy (at the veryyyy end of the fic), explicit content: virgin and unexperienced!reader, dom!tae, praising, fingering, ass slapping, tits play, oral sex (female and male receiving), tied-up sex, whip (not really used in the fic), dirty talking?, protected and unprotected sex, jerking off, taehyung is lowkey a freak
☆word count: 46.8k
☆a/n: as per usual, thank you to the beautiful @moonleeai for beta-ing this fic for me. Your work is forever appreciated <3. Also, I really hope you will enjoy reading this. It took me a lot longer to write than my usual fics because I was burned out in December and I just couldn’t function properly but I’m really proud of the result nonetheless! Enjoy your reading <3
Read the other establishments in the Life Goes On series here!
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There was a small house at the end of a dirt road, surrounded by trees and fields. When the sun set, it coated the house with golden light, making it stand at the end of the road like it was straight from a postal card. Bushes sprinkled with wildflowers stood on the two sides of the red door that was always left open. It led into a kitchen that had held laughter, tears and late-night conversations, along with home cooked food made with love.
You had grown up in that house next to your best friend Eunjin and her two brothers, Taehyung and Jeongyu, and your own brother. Though Taehyung had left when you were still young, moving to Seoul to pursue his training. It had led to you being a lot closer to Jeongyu even though you were mostly Eunjin’s friend. Your own brother had followed after Taehyung, always being closer to the older Kim sibling in the first place.
The house at the end of the road was pretty, with a cozy look to it that made you want to settle down after a long day of work. As your car pulled in the driveway, memories of your childhood came back to you, bringing a smile to your lips.
You remembered playing soccer with Eunjin, her siblings and your brother, and chasing after frogs on rainy days. You had come home covered in mud from the fields more than once, yet Eunjin’s parents had always been nice about it. Same as her grandmother had been, though the older lady had passed away a few years ago.
Your car slowed down as you neared the house until it came to a full stop. You took the keys out of the engine, gaze wandering on the different cars you could see.
Eunjin had organized a small get-together with close friends to celebrate her getting the job she had always dreamed about. Some of her family was also going to be there, cousins that you had seen many times before. All the cars you could recognize, except the gray one that was the nearest to the house. It had your brows furrow as you threw your car door open and stepped out.
You breathed in the fresh air of October, eyes shutting as you let yourself absorb the cool aura of the countryside. You hadn’t been here in years, ever since you had moved to Seoul, and you were glad to be back. So you took your time to breathe in the air and the atmosphere, letting it bring you back to days when you didn’t know what it was to be surrounded by concrete, only knowing fields and open air.
Your eyes eventually fluttered open, gaze moving to the front porch of the house. There was a figure standing there, a man you hadn’t expected to see.
Kim Taehyung was leaning against one of the pillars holding the small roof of the porch, a quaint knowing smile on his lips. You didn’t know how long he had been standing there, and you blushed as you took in the sight of him.
Taehyung was wearing a pair of brown dress pants along with a pale loose shirt that was tucked into the pants. He had rolled up his sleeves, revealing the tan skin of his forearms and the expensive watch on his wrist, and his hair was pushed back as if he had run his hands through it too many times.
You met his gaze in the distance, gulping as he seemingly looked you up and down once before his eyes locked with yours again.
“Y/n”, he greeted you.
“Taehyung”, you said back, eyes falling to a puddle in the dirt in front of you. You bowed, just a little, before glancing behind you at your duffel bag on the backseat.
Taehyung’s gaze followed you as you grabbed it before starting to walk towards him. There was something weird about the aura surrounding him and you weren’t quite sure if it was because you hadn’t seen him in almost six years or because the confident smile on his lips intimidated you.
Maybe it was a little bit of both.
You met his gaze again as you stopped in front of him, offering him a tight-lipped smile. “I didn’t know you were going to be here”, you admitted and he shrugged his shoulders.
“Eunjin made me stop here on the way back from Busan”, Taehyung explained. “After the concert.”
You had heard about that concert. A free concert that had rocked the whole world for a time. It was strange to think that Taehyung was so famous, especially as he stood in front of you, with that same childish glint in his eyes that he had when he was younger. It was stranger to think that you were friends with his sister and that your life somehow was intertwined with Taehyung’s.
“Oh”, you let out. Your eyes slid to the door, right as it opened to reveal your best friend.
“Y/n!” Eunjin squealed as she ran out, wrapping her arms around your neck. “I’ve missed you so much.”
You chuckled, hugging her with one arm. “We were together a week ago”, you reminded her.
She tutted as she pulled away, grabbing your duffel bag from you and handing it to her brother. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and bring that inside, asshole?”
Taehyung rolled his eyes at his sister, before meeting your gaze. “I’ll do it for you, not for her.” He offered his sister a glare and then winked as he met your eyes over her head.
It left you with a dumbfounded look on your face as Taehyung disappeared inside. Eunjin’s brows knit together, and she turned towards you. “What the fuck was that?”
You were as confused as she was, so you simply shrugged your shoulders before motioning to the inside of the house. “Should we go in?”
Eunjin didn’t seem like she wanted to let it go, yet she didn’t mention it again as she pulled you in behind her. “Everyone’s already arrived.”
Indeed, as soon as you walked in you were greeted by a crowd of friends, along with the family members Eunjin had mentioned would be there. They greeted you warmly, but your eyes diverged to the stairs as Taehyung walked down them. He pushed his hair back, his gaze meeting yours for a few seconds. He offered you a tight-lipped smile as he raised his eyebrows, but Eunjin pulled you away before you could reply.
All it did was bring a light blush to your cheeks, one you did your best to ignore as Eunjin handed you a bottle of beer.
“Drink up, you’ve got some catching up to do”, she told you.
You let out a small laugh. “I don’t drink beer.”
Eunjin rolled her eyes, fists resting against her hips. “You will today.” She glanced at a spot over your shoulder. “I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”
Her words were immediately punctuated by cheers, and you turned your head towards the sound to see some of your friends cheering one of Eunjin’s family members as he chugged a beer. Your eyes widened, and you resumed your attention on your friend.
“What is going on here?” you asked.
You had never done parties like that. Had never really been allowed to do parties like that. It surprised you that Eunjin’s parents were letting it happen under their roof, yet Eunjin just brushed it off with a shrug of her shoulders.
“My parents told me that as long as we don’t break anything I can throw a party like in the movies.”
You looked at her pointedly. “Don’t people always break stuff at parties like in the movies?”
Eunjin laughed heartily, shaking her head. “Not under oppa’s careful attention.” You followed her line of gaze to see Taehyung punching his cousin in the shoulder before leaning in to say something in the young man’s ear. His enthusiasm seemed to deflate for a time, until Taehyung offered him a winning smile that had the happiness bleed back into the young man’s features. “He’s telling everyone to stop when they get too intense.”
It was unlike Taehyung, or rather unlike the Taehyung you had known years ago. Taehyung had always been the first one to want to have fun, to pull pranks on his siblings or to tease everyone and everything around him. There was still that same mischievous glint in his eyes today, but as the oldest he seemed to take his responsibilities seriously.
You wondered what his parents had told him to make him behave like that.
“Good thing he’s here then”, you said, before taking a swig of your beer.
You winced at the taste and the bitterness it left behind and Eunjin laughed at your expression. “Oh come on, it’s just a little beer.”
“Drink it then”, you said, pushing the beer towards her.
She shook her head and before she could speak, her younger brother threw an arm around her shoulder.
“Y/n!” Jeongyu greeted you. He had a large grin on his face, one that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. “I’ve missed you.”
“And yet you choose to hug your sister?” you teased him. “Come here.”
Jeongyu laughed, a little drunkenly, before stumbling into your open arms. He hugged you firmly, lifting you off the ground. You let out a yelp and your eyes met Taehyung’s as he moved closer.
You couldn’t quite read his expression, but he seemed surprised. As if he hadn’t really seen you before.
“What’s gotten into you?” Taehyung asked. For a moment, you thought he was addressing you as his eyes still held your gaze, but he tapped his brother’s shoulder.
Jeongyu immediately put you down, before offering a small pout to Taehyung. “Just happy to see Y/n, hyung.”
Taehyung arched an eyebrow prettily. “No need to crush her like that.”
“It’s fine”, you reassured the man as Jeongyu let you go. You met his gaze, offering him a bright smile. “I’ve missed you too, Jeongyu.”
A crooked grin appeared on the younger man’s lips. “How has Seoul been, nuna?”
The three siblings put their full attention on you. Usually, when it was just Eunjin and Jeongyu, you found it easy to talk to them. But right now, under Taehyung’s attentive gaze, you found you didn’t really know what to say.
“Uh”, you let out. “It’s been good.”
“Do you still work at the same office?” Taehyung asked. He furrowed his brows slightly. “What was it again?”
“Yes, I still work at the same place”, you answered. You chuckled, and a slight blush moved on your cheeks. “Still work for Samsung.”
Taehyung pursed his lips. “I don’t know how I managed to forget that.”
“Maybe because you haven’t seen her in years”, Eunjin pointed out.
Your best friend’s words ended the conversation, and you looked down at the floor as you took a sip of the beer. The liquid was as disgusting as it had been a moment ago, but it kept you occupied for a time, as the siblings started bickering.
If one thing hadn’t changed between the three of them, it was their constant bickering. Taehyung looked a lot younger then, and you found it easier to hold his gaze. The blush stubbornly remained on your cheeks, but you had always been the type to blush easily. Especially when alcohol was involved.
And Kim Taehyung, apparently.
Soon enough, the group of you moved to join the rest of the people attending Eunjin’s celebration. You found yourself sitting together with the friends you had gone to high school with, while Taehyung and Jeongyu moved to stand with their family members. Eunjin kept going from one crowd to another, ever so the social butterfly, accepting the congratulations people were offering her without even batting an eyelash.
Every now and then, your gaze slid towards Taehyung. You caught the older man looking at you on more than one occasion, and each time he offered you one of his tight-lipped smiles. The times when he wasn’t looking brought you back to when you were younger. To when you were fourteen and crushing on your best friend’s older brother.
You hadn’t thought that that crush still existed until butterflies swam in your belly at the sight of Taehyung’s boxy smile as he laughed at someone’s joke.
You looked away then, figuring it was better to ignore Taehyung. And it was, as you were surrounded by a crowd of your friends, and everyone of them were buzzing with energy. Jests were exchanged between the group, inside jokes you hadn’t thought you remembered as you all reminisced about high school.
The party kept going on for longer than you thought, even though most people weren’t sleeping over. You found yourself drinking more than you had expected, as you realized that beer didn’t taste so bad after your third bottle. It had your mind swirling in the sweet ecstasy of alcohol, and your initial repulsion to the idea of drinking disappeared into thin air.
If you were to party, you’d party grandly until dawn would inch to the horizon, tainting the sky in bright colors. And you did just that, joining Eunjin in a couple of alcohol games. It was fun with her cheering you on, and you won more than half of them, beating most of your friends. Your successful streak ended when you played against Taehyung and Jeongyu, though Jeongyu didn’t contribute to the game a lot. Indeed, Taehyung told him to sit down on the couch, as the younger man was far too drunk to even stand straight. It made you laugh, and you stumbled a little, taking an unexpected step towards Taehyung.
Taehyung caught your elbow and you looked up to meet his gaze. He had a stern expression on his face as if he disapproved of you drinking. You furrowed your eyebrows, before shrugging off his grip on your arm.
“Is something wrong?” you asked.
He seemed surprised by the outburst, and his eyebrows shot towards his hairline. “Ah, no, everything is okay.”
There was an awkward silence between the two of you, and you only then realized that Eunjin had been pulled away by one of her cousins.
Taehyung had pretty eyes. A dark gaze, one that you felt as if you were falling in as you looked at him. It had your mind turning dizzy, which wasn’t quite a great mix with the amount of alcohol you had ingested. Taehyung must have noticed your face paling because he grabbed your hand ever so gently, before pulling you behind him.
“What are you doing?” you asked, even though you offered him no resistance whatsoever.
He glanced at you over his shoulder, a strand of dark hair falling in his eyes. “You look like you need some fresh air.”
You knew he was right, but something about him making the decision for you felt wrong.
“I can be the judge of that”, you said, planting your heels in the ground.
Taehyung didn’t stop, though he offered you a small laugh. That laugh did things to your mind that you couldn’t quite explain, though it made you stumble forward. You fell against Taehyung’s back, face digging in the soft fabric of his shirt.
You inhaled a whiff of his cologne as you tried to regain your footing, and when you finally were able to stand by yourself, you realized your hand had wrapped around one of his biceps. Your other fingers were still prisoners of his hand and you blushed before letting your hand fall to your side.
“Sorry.”
Your apology was uttered barely above a whisper, but you were standing so close you knew he had heard it. Or maybe you knew because his grip on your fingers tightened, his thumb brushing the back of your hand.
“It’s okay”, he reassured you. “Let’s just get some fresh air for you.”
This time, you obeyed, not feeling like making a fool out of yourself again. Your lips instinctively formed a pout, but you followed Taehyung across the living room, up until you reached the front door. He glanced over his shoulder and you tried to meet his gaze but he was looking over your shoulder. You followed his line of sight, though found yourself unable to figure out what he had been looking at before he pulled you out, shutting the door gently behind him.
The world outside was dark. Fresh, and it smelled of humidity and soil, and all the smells autumn holds. Taehyung had let your hand go as soon as you were outside and you took a step forward, moving away from the light of the porch as your eyes instinctively looked up to the sky and the endless blanket of stars. The moon was hidden somewhere and all you could see were all the little imprints of light up there, promises of worlds unexplored by humanity. Worlds that had maybe died a long time ago, yet their existence was just now reaching Earth.
You wondered if there was someone out there, looking out at their own stars and seeing the Sun. It was a strange thought to have for your drunk mind, yet it strangely sobered you up as you felt small.
“Do you think we’re alone in the universe?” you asked.
You glanced back at Taehyung. He was still standing next to the door, hands in his pockets, and he had a bewildered expression on his face. Eyes slightly widened and mouth hanging open, as if he was about to say something. Yet he remained silent and the way his eyes met yours felt intimate somehow. Like you indeed were alone in the universe, the last bastion of humanity, and Taehyung was taking the sight in.
It felt strange to be looked at like that when no man had ever looked at you for more than a few seconds.
“Sometimes I think we are”, Taehyung finally replied. He took a few steps towards you before craning his neck to look up at the stars. It had you resume your attention on the night sky, right as Taehyung spoke again. “But then I think the world is never-ending, and new stars are born every day and I realize the odds that we’re the only place that life happened are way too slim.”
You remained silent, taking his words in. They were weird in your dizzy state, though you did feel more sober now that you were outside. Now that you were alone with Taehyung and not stuck inside a too-warm house. A house that you would always consider a home, but really you weren’t quite sure you were one for parties like the one Eunjin was throwing.
Or maybe you just had too much to drink.
“When you begin to think about it, what were the odds of life happening?” you mumbled, a little more to yourself. “Like, what were the odds that our ancestors would exist and then have babies up until our parents and like…” you trailed off, brows furrowed as you tried to make sense of the thoughts in your head. “Like what were the odds that we both would be standing here tonight, looking at the stars?”
Taehyung let out a laugh. A clear sound in the fall night, that warmed it up just a little bit. “Are you drunk or high?”
“I’m just saying, life is a series of coincidences”, you said. You glared at him, brows knitted together, only to find him already looking at you.
You could only see half of his face in the dim light coming in from the porch. The half you could see was soft, the visible eye filled with an emotion you couldn’t decipher. All you knew was that it made the eye sparkle a little, with a glint that put the stars to shame. The other half of his face was casted in shadows, yet it didn’t hide how handsome Taehyung was.
And he really fucking was.
“Well, I’m happy this coincidence brought you here tonight”, Taehyung said.
You didn’t know what to say, only knew that you were weirdly attracted to him. Like a moth to a flame and you knew you were going to get burned. For some reason you couldn’t stop.
“I can’t believe it’s been like six years since we’ve seen each other”, you murmured.
Taehyung’s lips spread in the tiniest little smile. “I’ve been pretty busy.”
“I always thought we were friends”, you muttered, and your eyes moved away from his face, looking up at the sky once again. Maybe because you didn’t have the strength to look him in the eye while you were to speak your next words. “I was sad when you stopped replying to my texts.”
Taehyung tensed next to you. It made the night air a little colder, and you shivered as a heavy silence moved between you.
It was true. You had used to talk to Taehyung once in a while, encouraging him and congratulating him whenever BTS had won awards. You had acted with him like you acted with Jeongyu, treating him like someone you were close to… but then one day he had started replying with short messages instead of sentences, and then it had moved to emojis. And one day he had just stopped replying and you had been left wondering what you had done wrong.
For a long time you had thought he had known that you had been crushing on him. It had been over then, but you had always imagined it could explain why he just had stopped replying.
Eunjin had never known. No matter how close you were to her, you had never dared tell her that you had feelings for her brother, and you hadn’t mentioned that Taehyung had sort of ghosted you. If she had noticed she hadn’t said a thing.
“Life just got in the way, I guess”, Taehyung said. His voice was low, as if he too was aware of just how bad the excuse sounded. “I never meant to stop replying.”
You were pretty sure he had, but it was water under the bridge.
“Whatever, I don’t really care”, you joked, nudging him with your elbow. “At least I got to see your sorry face today.”
Your voice was strained, even to your ears. It felt awkward to be speaking to him like that and you wished you could take the words back.
“We were friends, if that can reassure you.” Taehyung ignored your last comment as he continued, “You were always like a little sister to me.”
The words didn’t sting like you had thought they would. Maybe because he had employed the past tense.
“Anyway.” You chuckled, granting him a glance. He was looking up at the sky, and you followed him, eyes moving to the many constellations that were lighting up the night. “How has this whole BTS thing been going? You are so big now.”
The atmosphere seemed to shift, falling back into a warmer state. “It’s been crazy. I still can’t believe I get to live this life.”
“I mean.” You paused, wetting your lips. ���You worked hard for it, you deserve it.”
There was another silence, and a soft breeze moved on your features, though its coldness had you shivering again. You hoped Taehyung didn’t notice, because you didn’t feel like going back inside just yet.
“Thank you”, Taehyung breathed. “It does get…” He chuckled, as if he hadn’t meant to speak.
“What?” you asked, and your eyes trailed to him.
“It gets lonely sometimes”, he finished, meeting your gaze. The raw truth behind his words almost had you stumbling back. “Especially now that we aren’t doing everything together anymore.”
You felt sorry for him, yet you didn’t have any words of reassurance to offer. You lived a far simpler life than his, with a small crowd of friends that you kept close to you. You didn’t feel lonely, though at times you did picture yourself having someone around, someone more. It was a strange thought to have, one that had never really crossed your mind before. You didn’t know if it was because you were getting older, and everyone around you had already lived through many relationships.
Then again it wasn’t like you had ever been interested in a relationship anyway.
“I’m sorry”, you apologized. You didn’t know what for.
He shrugged his shoulders, eyes trailing back to the sky. “Don’t be.” It was his turn to nudge you with an elbow. “It’s not like it’s your fault.”
He wasn’t wrong and you had nothing to answer to that.
“Do you have anybody in your life?” he asked after some time.
Confusion moved through you, and a crease appeared between your eyebrows. “I mean, I have Eunjin and my family. Even Jeongyu and the rest of them.”
He threw you a no-bullshit look. “You know I didn’t mean that.”
That… That? Was Taehyung asking you if you were dating anyone?
“What?” you let out. You flushed red, and if it wasn’t for the remnants of the alcohol in your system you probably wouldn’t have been able to speak. “Why do you want to know that?”
He laughed at your flustered state. “I’m just trying to make conversation.”
You squinted your eyes as you looked at him, a little suspiciously. It had him laughing this time, boxy smile on display.
You were pretty sure that smile could stop wars.
“No”, you breathed out. “I’ve never dated anyone.”
Maybe that was too much of a truth, yet it fell from your mouth with nothing to stop it. Taehyung looked surprised, and his brows moved up.
“Why?”
You shrugged your shoulders, looking away from him as a warm flush coursed through your upper body. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been interested in a relationship before.”
He pondered about it for a time. “You sound like it has changed.”
“I don’t really know.” You pursed your lips, before saying, “It just feels weird to be twenty-six and to haven’t even had my first kiss yet.”
You hated yourself. You hated yourself and your stupid mouth that never knew when to shut up. You hated yourself even more as your words met a stunned silence. You wanted to decipher the expression on his face, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him.
What a coward you were.
“There’s nothing wrong with that”, Taehyung said. He spoke carefully, as if he was afraid he’d speak the wrong words.
Oh.
“No I know.” You chuckled, wetting your lips before biting the bottom one in a nervous manner. “It’s just that I’d want to have done it all, just never had the opportunity.” You pursed your lips, furrowing your brows. “I mean, I had opportunities, just wasn’t interested until I realized I’m a little old for this.”
Taehyung chuckled beside you, a deep baritone sound that put a stop to the spiel of words falling from your mouth. “You’re not too old, Y/n.”
The way he said your name in that low voice of his… your mind went haywire.
“Everyone does it in their own time.” He turned until he was facing you, before grabbing your hand again, like he had been holding it when you had first come outside. “You’re freezing, we should get back inside.”
Only you weren’t ready to let the conversation go. “I’m fine.” You didn’t pull your hand away from his as you continued, “Do you think I’m attractive?”
From the way he was standing, more light was illuminating his features. So, you could see his jaw clenching as he held your gaze unblinkingly, eyes turning dark. “You’re drunk, Y/n, let’s get you to bed.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
He sighed, eyes dipping to your lips. “Yes, you are. Why would you think you aren’t?”
“You’re saying that just to make me happy.”
He chuckled, the sound a little bitter, entirely different from his previous small laughs. “I’m saying it because it is a fact.”
You took a step closer to him, angling your face up so he could gaze down at you.
Drunk you really was a menace to sober you, wasn’t she? Because you weren’t talking about kissing. You were talking about so much more, and you could tell Taehyung knew.
“Prove it”, you breathed.
His eyes widened again, but soon they were overcome by darkness, a cloud that covered the light you had seen there before. He wet his lips, looking at you, shaking his head slightly as if he didn’t believe you were real. He then leaned down to speak into your ear. “You just want to be touched, do you?”
Your blood started boiling in your veins at the feeling of his warm breath on the side of your face. “I want to know why people like sex that much.”
“I could show you.”
To have Kim Taehyung say that to you turned you into playdough. Playdough that he could mold into whatever shape he preferred and you didn’t even care. It was your teenager self’s fantasy after all.
And maybe you should have been worried, by his willingness to show you. Maybe you should have been ticked off by it, yet you still found yourself whispering, “Please show me, Tae.”
He didn’t move or say anything for a long time. So long that you found yourself pulling away, up until you could gaze at his features.
His eyes were closed but at the feeling of your gaze on him, his eyelids fluttered open. “You’re drunk”, he repeated his previous words. Yet the dark look hadn’t left his features, the low tone hadn’t left his voice. “Let’s see if you still feel the same tomorrow.”
There was a high chance that you’d just be embarrassed as all hell, yet you found yourself agreeing. Because really you wanted to die under the intensity of Taehyung’s gaze. No one had ever looked at you like that before, and you didn’t want him to look away. You were aware it was the alcohol singing in your blood, and it would all come crashing down when you’d wake up with a pounding headache the next day. Yet you found yourself agreeing.
Maybe because the devil had never looked as good as Taehyung did.
*****
Light poured through the window next to which you were sleeping, encasing you in a prison of warmth and brightness that made you wake up feeling dehydrated. Your blood was pumping in your ears and your whole body felt as if it was burning. You cracked an eye open, wincing as the sun blinded you. You put a hand on your face, letting out a small whimper, before sitting up on the mattress, face turning away from the window.
You only then opened your eyes again, freezing when you noticed where you were.
Taehyung’s bedroom. You were sleeping in Taehyung’s bedroom. You looked around, eyes skimming over the familiar furniture, heart beating out of your chest. It made you dizzy again, as you tried to remember what happened last night.
You didn’t remember a lot, after that conversation you had with him outside. But what you remembered of the conversation had you wanting to throw yourself off a cliff. You had flirted with Taehyung. He had flirted back, had told you he could show you…
Just the thought of it had you letting out a small curse, and your head fell into your hands. What had you done?
“Good morning”, Jeongyu said from the doorframe.
You startled, looking between your fingers. He had a shit-eating grin on his face. “What?” you let out.
He chuckled. “Why are you wearing Taehyung’s t-shirt?”
You glanced down at your chest and sure enough, you were clad in a white Celine t-shirt, one you knew fully well belonged to Taehyung.
“Aish, what is going on?” you mumbled, hands falling in your lap.
“Don’t worry, hyung slept on the couch downstairs. You were pretty wasted last night.”
Blood rushed to your cheeks. “Did I do anything weird?”
“Not particularly”, Jeongyu said, shrugging his shoulders. “I was pretty wasted myself. Honestly, only Taehyung was sober.”
Taehyung was sober and still had told you what he had? What hell had you stepped into?
“Why are you guys so loud?” Eunjin grumbled. She came into view, her hair a mess as she let out a yawn. It took her a moment to register that you were currently sitting in her brother’s bed, wearing one of his shirts. When she did focus on the scene, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. “What the fuck?”
Jeongyu punched her in the shoulder. “You’re lucky appa didn’t hear you say that.”
There were so many questions in Eunjin’s eyes it had you chuckling awkwardly.
“I don’t know”, you said, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t know anything.”
“Bitch, you better have some explanation”, Eunjin replied and she walked in, making her way to you. She put her fists against her hips, and you let out another laugh as she stopped in front of you.
“Ayt, I’m out”, Jeongyu said before disappearing.
“Did you sleep with my brother?” Eunjin asked.
You winced at the sound of her voice, eyes shutting. “Why are you speaking so loud?”
She huffed, stomping on the ground. “Answer me, Y/n.”
You cracked an eye open, meeting your best friend’s gaze. “I don’t remember last night but I don’t think I did.”
“Where’s the fucker anyway?”
You shrugged your shoulders. “No idea.”
And really, Taehyung was nowhere to be found. Even when you and Eunjin finally made your way downstairs, Taehyung wasn’t there. A look out the window of the living room told you that his car wasn’t in the front yard anymore, and you tried to hide your disappointment as best as you could.
You hadn’t expected him to leave so soon after what he had told you that he could show you. Teach you even, about sex. It made your embarrassment ten times worse, especially as Eunjin kept pressing for questions. Questions you didn’t have answers to because, frankly, you hadn’t a clue as to how you had ended up in Taehyung’s room.
It was a confusing shitshow indeed.
It remained that way for two weeks, as you went back to Seoul and to your regular office life. Focusing on work helped to get your mind off of Taehyung’s words, and of the shame that choked you up whenever you thought about what you had said to him.
The worst part about it all was that Taehyung didn’t talk to you at all. Didn’t text you, didn’t call. Some part of you had expected him to, the foolish part of you that had been reminded of your crush on him. But no, Taehyung became a ghost in your life again, as if Eunjin’s party had never happened.
Eunjin, on the other hand, didn’t become a ghost at all. No, your best friend forced you to hang out far more than you usually did, as if she was still reeling from getting her new job. You didn’t blame her, it was her dream job after all. But it did get tiring, as you went out for drinks a couple of nights in a row, with people she knew and you didn’t. She always made sure that you felt included, but you had always been a little more on the introverted side.
Maybe that was why you found yourself deciding to leave early on the latest night out. You had been drinking soju with Eunjin and her new coworkers, playing drinking games that had your blood slowly fill with alcohol. The fresh air helped the dizziness that had taken over you and you walked in the night, content with your sudden loneliness. You watched the people around you, bowing your head politely, and soon enough you found a snack stand. You were ordering some tteokbokki for yourself when your phone rang in your purse.
You fumbled with the zipper of the purse, drunk fingers clumsy as they tried to hold on to it. It took you a moment but soon enough you fished your phone out of your purse, fingers holding onto it as if it was a treasure. The lady behind the little snack bar offered you a curious glance but you ignored her as you picked up the call right before it went to voicemail.
“Hi!” you let out happily, hiding your mouth behind your hand when you realized how loud you had spoken. There was silence on the other side of the line, apart from the sound of music. You furrowed your brows, assuming it was Eunjin. “Eunjin-ah, I’m on my way home.”
There was a chuckle. A man’s chuckle. A surprisingly deep chuckle. You looked at the screen of your phone, blinking a few times at the name you read. Taehyung. Why the fuck was Taehyung calling you now?
“Hi, Y/n”, he said.
You quickly put the phone against your ear again. “Why are you calling me?”
“I wanted to hear your voice”, he answered, his deep baritone voice sending shivers down your spine.
You scoffed. “You don’t talk to me for two weeks and then you tell me that?”
He didn’t reply for a long time, as if he felt guilty. You really hoped he did because he totally deserved it.
“I’ve been busy”, he replied. “But I’m hosting a party right now and it’s missing you.”
You barely heard his words as the snack lady offered you your tteokbokki. You thanked her before moving towards one of the empty wooden tables that stood next to the stand.
“What?” you said once you were sitting.
“Do you want to come over?” Taehyung asked.
You furrowed your brows, holding your phone with your shoulder as you opened the paper pack that held your chopsticks. “I’m eating.”
“Where are you?”
You looked around, startling when a car honked in the street. “At a snack bar next to Eunjin’s work.”
“I’ll come get you”, Taehyung said. He sounded determined, and it made you laugh. “Why are you laughing?”
“Why do you want to come get me?” you asked, digging your chopsticks in the tteokbokki. It was rosé tteokbokki, and you couldn’t help the little content hum you let out as you ate.
“What was that?” Taehyung asked.
He sounded like he was moving away from the music and soon enough all you could hear was the sound of his breathing.
“My rosé tteokbokki is hitting good”, you replied. “Please don’t come, though.”
“I want to see you”, he said matter-of-factly. “I’m coming no matter what you say.”
You pouted. “You don’t even know where I am.”
“You’re at the tteokbokki stand near Eunjin’s work”, he pointed out. “That should be easy enough to find.”
You whined. “Please, Taehyung, I’m drunk, I don’t want to see you.”
“Well good thing the drive is going to take a while, you’ll have plenty of time to sober up.” He paused, and you could hear a car door opening and closing.
“I’ll be gone by the time you get here.”
You could almost hear him rolling his eyes on his side of the line. “Do you even live within walking distance from Eunjin’s work?”
Your stubborn silence was answer enough.
“See, just send me your location and I’ll drive you home”, he said.
You looked up at the sky, watching the moon behind the clouds. “You said something about a party, no?”
The sound of the engine coming to live covered your words, right as the call switched to his car’s Bluetooth.
“What did you say?”
You wet your lips. “You mentioned a party when I got my tteokbokki.”
“I’m hosting a party right now, but it doesn’t matter”, he replied.
“Can you even drive?”
He chuckled. “I have stopped drinking for a little over two months.”
So he had been sober at Eunjin’s party? You winced, hiding your face in your hand. “Gosh.”
“What?”
You shrugged. “Nothing.”
There was a long silence, as you focused on eating the tteokbokki. Anything to not think about how embarrassed you were. Taehyung didn’t hang up though, as if he wanted to make sure you weren’t going to bail on him. Truthfully, you didn’t really want to walk home alone, not now that Taehyung had reminded you of just how long the walk would have been.
“Can you share your location?” Taehyung asked after a few minutes of silence.
You bit your lower lip, pulling the phone away from your ear so you could do so. “Did you get it?” you asked as soon as you were done.
“Yeah.” There was a brief pause, and Taehyung let out a small chuckle. “Eunjin got you drunk and left you alone once again?”
Your brows knitted together. “What?”
“Like at her party”, he pointed out.
You winced, shaking your head. “I doubt this is like her party.” You ate some tteokbokki, appreciating the flavor before swallowing. “How did I even get to your bedroom?”
“I carried you to bed because you were starting to pass out on the couch”, he admitted. “You don’t remember?” There was a vulnerability in his words, as if he regretted his actions.
“No”, you let out. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
He remained silent, but you could imagine the smile that was playing on his lips.
“When should you be here?” you asked after a time.
“ETA should be fifteen minutes”, he answered. “You still have some tteokbokki left?”
You looked down at the almost empty bowl. “There won’t be when you arrive.”
He laughed. “That’s okay, I’m not hungry.”
You nodded, finishing your bowl as Taehyung focused on driving. You brought it back to the lady before sitting back at the table, eyes going up to the sky. It reminded you of when you had stargazed with Taehyung, and all the things you had told him.
“I’m sorry”, you apologized.
“About what?”
You shrugged. “For what I said at Eunjin’s party. I shouldn’t have told you all of that.”
“It’s okay”, Taehyung reassured you. “That’s why I kept my distance.”
His words rang in your ears for a time, and blush crept on your cheeks. “Oh.”
“But I figured two weeks was plenty enough”, he added, as if he had sensed your disappointment. “I missed being close to you.”
Your blush only deepened as you played with the hem of your shirt. “Have you?”
“Of course I did”, he said. “You’ve always been important to me.”
You pursed your lips, suppressing the smile that had wanted to form on your lips. “Then it’s a good thing you called me tonight.”
“It truly is.”
You shared another silence, one so long you almost thought Taehyung had fallen asleep on his side of the line. Hadn’t you known he was driving you might have hung up, but you wanted to stay with him.
That damn crush.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes”, Taehyung said. “Are you asleep?”
“No”, you replied, suppressing the yawn that you had almost let out. “I’m just chilling.”
“Good.” He paused, and you wondered what he was thinking. You wondered what had made him decide to come back into your life like that.
It was hard to know, as Taehyung had always been private about his life. Even when he was younger he had never really shared anything with you. Maybe that was just because you were his sister’s friend and not his, or maybe it was the age gap. Not that he was all that older, but three years could be a lot sometimes, especially growing up.
“I’m parking the car”, Taehyung told you. “Are you okay with walking to the corner of the street?”
You glanced at it, noticing the same SUV that had been at their parents’ house the day of Eunjin’s party. “Are you in the gray SUV?”
“Yeah.”
A rush of adrenaline coursed through your blood. “I can see you.”
He chuckled. “I think I see you too.”
A shy smile broke on your lips as you got up. “Don’t look at me walking, it’s just going to be awkward.”
“I don’t think anything can be awkward between us after what you said two weeks ago”, Taehyung teased. You could hear the smirk in his voice and it made you stop in your tracks.
“Taehyung!” you shrieked.
He laughed heartily, a laugh that had your insides feeling weirdly warm. “I’m just playing with you, come here.”
You obeyed, eyes focusing on the cracks in the cement. You were too afraid to catch Taehyung’s gaze if you looked up. “I’m going to hang up now”, you mumbled, and Taehyung let out another laugh that was cut off by the line going out.
You reached his car, walking around it to open the passenger door. Taehyung offered you a warm smile as you got in, one of his boxy smiles that used to make you go crazy when you were younger. After what he had just said, all you wanted was to punch his teeth in, but you instead chose to stare at a spot on the dash.
“Hey there”, he greeted you as if you hadn’t been talking over the phone for a while already.”
“Hey.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, where do you live?”
You blushed, glancing at him once. “Let me put it into your phone’s GPS.”
He nodded, offering you his phone. You quickly put the address in, before handing the device back to him. His long fingers closed around yours as he grabbed the phone, sending shivers right through your spine.
Taehyung had attractive hands. You had always been aware of it, but having his fingers on you, even though it was barely a touch… it made your insides go crazy.
“Damn, it’s a longer drive than I thought”, he said.
You nodded, playing with the hem of your shirt again. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have made it home by foot.” You met his gaze then, right as he turned his key in the ignition and the engine sparked to life again. “Thank you for coming to get me.”
“Anytime”, he said, and his features melted into a softness that made you look away once again. “I’m sorry Eunjin left you alone.”
“She did not!” you quickly said, a defensive tone taking over your voice. “She would never leave me alone.” You threw him a glance, only to notice he had an eyebrow cocked and he was holding in a smile. “What?” you let out.
He chuckled, eyes darting towards you before focusing on the road again. “Why are you so quick to defend her when it’s clear that that’s what happened?”
A small angry pout formed on your lips. “I chose to leave because I didn’t know her friends and it was awkward.” You folded your arms on your chest, looking outside the window. “I’m a grown woman, I can make my own decisions.”
“Like telling me that you are a virgin?”
Your eyes rounded in surprise as you turned towards him so quickly your neck almost hurt. “Taehyung, what the hell!”
He laughed heartily again, and the sound had your insides filling with butterflies. “I’m just teasing you.”
“Please don’t.”
You exchanged a quick look before his eyes slid to the road again. You hoped he hadn’t noticed your turning a scarlet red from his words, but you were pretty sure he had. For all his teasing and childishness, Taehyung was a very observant person.
“I’m sorry”, he apologized after a time.
You sighed, pursing your lips. “It’s okay.”
Silence engulfed you, and you looked outside at the lights of the city again, leaning against the car door to get a better view. You could feel Taehyung’s occasional glance on your profile, and you tried not to let it get to your head.
Tried and failed, as you realized you were currently sitting in his car. Just the two of you, far from the usual setting that your friendship consisted of back in Daegu. As if time hadn’t changed anything between you, except where the friendship took place. In the neon lights of the world outside, Taehyung looked as if he hadn’t changed at all, as if he was still the boy you had had a crush on.
Or maybe that was only because your crush had definitely come back now, playing with your mind as you tried to ignore him.
“Do you want to listen to any music?” he enquired, his deep voice sending a chill through your spine.
You hadn’t expected the question, and your eyes slid to his handsome profile. “Uh, what do you listen to?”
“Lots of different stuff”, he said, catching your gaze for half a second before looking away. “Mostly jazz though.”
A soft smile grew on your lips. “Right, you’ve always loved jazz.”
He chuckled. “How do you know that?”
You flushed pink, once again looking away. “You’ve made it pretty obvious.” You cleared your throat, trying to hide the embarrassment that was choking you. “Don’t you play the trumpet or something?”
“I do.” He ran a hand through his hair, the motion catching your attention. “I play many instruments.”
You knew. You had heard him play many of them in the past, and had even played with him when you were younger, when he was just your best friend’s older brother.
“Do you remember when we did a show for your parents and your grandmother?” you asked, as the memory came forth in your mind, overpowering your other thoughts.
You could still see the scene. You had been in the field behind their house, with Taehyung playing the saxophone while Eunjin played the violin. You had just been playing around with your flute, and Jeongyu had refused to participate saying it was going to be a horrendous show, your brother tagging along with him. They hadn’t been wrong, and the whole thing had ended in a fit of giggles the adults had shared with you all.
“You were the worst flutist”, Taehyung said, a soft smile moving on his lips at the memory. “It was cute.”
Blush found its way back to your cheeks. “You thought I was cute?”
“Of course.” He nodded, before glancing at you again. “You’ve always been cute.”
His words stopped your heart in your chest, and when it started again you were pretty sure the erratic beating was going to kill you. It rendered you speechless, and your hand instinctively shot towards the radio display screen of the SUV. You clicked on the music app, quickly putting music on to hide the awkwardness that had filled the air.
Taehyung didn’t say anything right away, but you knew he had noticed. He probably had heard the wild beats of your heart too.
“Don’t be shy”, he murmured in a low voice. He wet his lips, before continuing, “I’ve been thinking about you constantly since Eunjin’s party.”
Could he see your hands were shaking because of how shy you felt?
“Ah.” You gulped as you tried to swallow. “Have you?”
“It’s hard to think about something else when you asked me what you did.”
For a reason unknown, his words calmed the shaking of your hands, heat trickling inside of you until you felt far too hot for your own good. “Forget about it, you know, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“What if I want it?”
This couldn’t be happening. Kim Taehyung couldn’t say he wanted you. He was too far out of your league, made of stuff women all around the world dreamed about. Just because you had known him before he was famous didn’t make you any different.
“Taehyung…” you trailed off, unable to find words to say. All you could do was stare at his profile, eyes falling to the lips he wet with a dart of his tongue.
“I know you drank tonight so not tonight, but I’d like to hang out with you, Y/n.” He glanced at you for a moment, long enough for you to see the intensity that had taken over his gaze. “If that’s something you would like.”
From the way heat was collecting at your core, you were pretty sure you couldn’t refuse the offer. “I’ve sobered up, by the way.”
You let your words hang in the silence that stretched between you, only interrupted by the soft jazz music that was playing over the car speakers.
“But we’re almost there”, he said, eyes sliding to you as his car slid to a halt at a stop sign.
There was courage in you. Courage you had never even thought you had, and you spoke the next words without an ounce of hesitation. “You could come up with me.”
He chuckled, as if in disbelief, looking away. “Ah, Y/n, you cannot do this to me.”
“You are the one that said you want to hang out with me.” You paused, heart beating wildly in your chest. “Prove it.”
“Are you sure you are not drunk anymore?” he asked.
“I was just a little tipsy”, you pointed out. “I never was drunk.”
He slowly nodded. “Right.” He ran a hand through his hair, before looking at the road again as the car started moving. “I’ll come up with you then.”
You nodded too, unable to find any words to say. All you knew was that you were going crazy inside, and that you weren’t even sure you’d make it up to your apartment. In truth, you were quite convinced you were going to have a heart attack right then and there.
You wet your lips, gulping as you swallowed trying to wet your throat that had turned dry. At the same time, knowing that Taehyung wanted to hang out with you… it made you warm inside. Made the butterflies feel safer, and the reciprocity of wanting to spend time with you made them realer. To think he’d step foot in your apartment… it filled you with an excitement you had never really known before, and all you knew was that you couldn’t wait for him to step in the private place that was yours. A place only your closest friends had ever been in before…
Yet there was a dangerous aura surrounding Taehyung. Something you hadn’t really seen before, an intensity to him that attracted you the way fire attracted a moth. It made your breathing a little shorter, and the beating of your heart a little faster.
What had you gotten yourself into?
*****
Your apartment felt small, now that Taehyung was standing in the middle of it. And really, it was a small place. A loft, with your bed in one corner atop a small flight of stairs, and a couch in the space between the kitchen and the so-called bedroom. There was a clock on the wall above the couch, and a TV on the wall facing it, though you never really watched TV all that much. Most of the time when you were at home was spent chilling on your laptop, watching k-dramas online or videos on Youtube.
The plant your mom had gifted you when you had moved to Seoul proudly stood under the TV, next to a TV cabinet on top of which pictures of you and Eunjin smiled back at you. There were pictures of your family too, and you knew that one of them held a very young Taehyung, along with Eunjin and Jeongyu. Taehyung hadn’t noticed it yet, but you knew it would only be a matter of time.
“Welcome to my humble abode”, you said as you motioned to the space surrounding you, trying to ease the nerves that were threatening to overcome your senses.
Taehyung flashed a grin at you, one that had your insides going molten. “It’s pretty cosy, I like it.”
His words made you redden, and your eyes fell to the carpet in front of the couch. It was a plush light gray carpet, on which you lay whenever things got too intense at work and you needed a break from life. You could almost imagine the shape of you in the carpet from the last time you laid there, and you focused on it as Taehyung’s heavy gaze moved on your profile.
“Thank you”, you breathed before looking at him. “It’s clearly not as fancy as where you live but it’s what I can afford.”
He chuckled. “Who says I live somewhere fancy?”
You threw him a no-bullshit look, folding your arms on your chest as a reply.
“Okay, I might live somewhere fancy”, he said, raising his hands in defense. “No need to glare at me like that.”
You flushed red again. “I didn’t mean…”
“Y/n, you’re fine”, Taehyung reassured you. “I’m only teasing you.” He flashed another one of his boxy smiles, and you couldn’t help but smile at him too.
“Do you want something to drink?” you asked, moving towards the refrigerator in the corner of the kitchen space. “I don’t have much but I think I have banana milk.”
“Are you Jungkook-ie?” he asked, taking you by surprise.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Never mind. It’s just that Jungkook always drinks that.”
“I don’t blame him, it is so good.” A small excited smile took over your lips as you grabbed the milk from the fridge. “It’s heaven in a bottle.”
“People usually say that about alcohol”, Taehyung pointed out.
“That’s because they’ve never had banana milk.”
He laughed again, and it made your apartment seem warmer than it usually was. It made you feel warmer too, and you met Taehyung’s gaze.
He was beautiful. Incredibly so. The kind of man you were convinced women wrote books about. A man with a softness to him, a vulnerability to him that had always made him attractive to you. No matter who he was now, Taehyung had been the center of your gravity when you were younger, even though you had tried to play it cool. Years of not talking had not changed that, and you found yourself gravitating back towards him as you started drinking your banana milk.
“Can I have a taste of that?” he asked, voice falling to his baritone register.
Even his goddamn voice was attractive to you.
You took a long sip, letting the taste dance on your tongue before you handed the milk to him. His eyes met yours, and he looked at you as he drank, gaze never once faltering. It was intense, the way he looked at you, and you found you were too much of a coward to hold it. But when your eyes fell to his lips, you realized maybe you weren’t a coward all that much.
Because you desperately wanted to step closer to him and feel his lips against yours.
He handed you the banana milk back before sitting on the couch. You carefully watched him, eyes going down to his lap as he spread his thighs just a little.
Manspreading had never looked as good as when Kim Taehyung was doing it on your couch.
You moved closer to him, sitting with the top of your body angled towards him. He glanced at you, a small smirk adorning his lips. It left you confused for a time, but then again you were fully aware of what he might be thinking.
Hell, you had all but told him you wanted to sleep with him a few weeks ago. And had reiterated it in his car a little under an hour ago.
“How’s work been going?” he asked, taking the conversation on an unexpected curve.
You were glad for it though, because you had no idea how to approach the other subject, the elephant in the room. “It’s been busy, but I’ve had busier weeks”, you admitted. “I imagine it’s not as busy as you.”
“I’m pretty sure working for Samsung can get busy.” He raised his eyebrows, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you were about to deny it. “Don’t lie to me, I know you too well.”
You didn’t know your body could tingle from someone’s word. “Do you?”
A lazy smirk grew on his lips, and your eyes fell to it. “Oh, I do. After all this time, I still do.”
You had no idea how to interpret it, but it did make you feel hot again, like he had made you feel in the car. It was strange to think that it came naturally to Taehyung – making you feel like that. As if he knew the ins and outs of your brain even better than you did.
And maybe he did.
“How is this going to work?” you asked, a little awkwardly as you motioned between the two of you with the hand holding the banana milk.
Avoiding the elephant in the room was pointless after all. You busied yourself with a sip of banana milk as Taehyung’s face fell serious, looking away from you as he seemed to think.
“What do you want to know?” he asked after a time, his words echoing the conversation you had had under a blanket of stars in Daegu.
“Everything”, you replied, throat going dry once again.
He wet his lips, eyes dipping to yours. “You’ve never done anything at all, right?”
As embarrassing as it was, you nodded your head.
“Then I can’t do everything yet, can I?”
You gulped, slightly shaking your head.
“Use your words, Y/n.” The low voice he had used to utter your name made your blood boil in your veins.
“Why can’t you?” you asked, voice small.
“You deserve someone that takes their time with you”, he breathed.
You wondered if he could hear your heart beating out of your chest. “Someone?”
“It’s a good thing I’m the kind of man that likes to take his time”, he continued, not really answering your question. Your teeth instinctively dug in your bottom lip, and you froze as he reached up, thumb releasing your lip. “Don’t do that.”
You slowly nodded.
“Why don’t you finish your milk so we can get started, mmh?” he said, his low baritone voice engulfing you in its warmth as his hand slowly fell to his lap.
You gulped once again, eyes falling down to the forgotten plastic bottle in your hand. You looked at it as if it was foreign, before taking a small sip. Taehyung carefully watched you as you did so, intense gaze observing your features in a way that made you feel seen, like you had never been before.
As if no one had really seen you until Kim Taehyung had been gazing at you.
“I can always finish it later”, you muttered, before putting it down on the floor next to the couch. You sat back, angling your body towards him even more.
“Look at you, so eager to learn”, he said, smirking again. “No wonder you told me what you did that night.” He wet his lips and you found yourself unable to look away from his mouth.
“Gosh, Tae, do you speak to all women like that?”
He offered you a secretive smile, hand moving up between you until his thumb was pulling your lower lip away from the teeth you had unknowingly sunk into it. “Only to the pretty ones.”
Your breath caught in your throat, though you weren’t sure if it was because of his words or because he slowly leaned towards you. Anxiety moved through you, and you widened your gaze as his eyelids fell shut, right before he gently pressed his lips against yours.
You froze, unmoving, not knowing what to do as the plumpness of his mouth met your lips. Taehyung let out a small chuckle as he pulled away, eyes opening to meet your gaze. “Close your eyes, Y/n”, he breathed, caressing your bottom lip with his thumb again. “Just follow my lead.”
You nodded, and your eyelids fluttered shut as he kissed you again, ever so softly. Lips establishing a slow rhythm, one you found easier to follow after the first few seconds. Taehyung’s hand cupped your cheek, pulling you closer, as he turned his head into the kiss, angling his mouth so it met yours in a more intimate embrace.
You sighed, blood rushing to your cheeks as your thoughts zeroed in on the fact that you were currently kissing your childhood crush. A man wanted by so many girls in the world it was hard to believe he had chosen to be with you right now, in this moment.
It almost made you pull away, but when Taehyung swiped his tongue against your lower lip, all thoughts exited your brain and your hand shot to his chest, resting flatly against it. You could feel the beats of his heart, a constant melody that seemed just a little too quick for it to be normal, contrary to the erratic beats of your own heart. You could feel every beat as it echoed in your ribcage, pumping blood to your whole body, and maybe a little more to the warmth between your legs.
Taehyung’s tongue tasted your lips again, and this time you parted them, allowing him entrance. You let out a small breathy sound as his tongue met yours, and you could feel his mouth stretching into a smirk as he continued kissing you, rhythm still ever so calm and soft. As if he didn’t want you to be scared or intimidated by the act of kissing him.
You were way beyond that now.
Taehyung tasted sweet. He tasted of strawberries and honey, and it reminded you of the farm. Of days of summers past, spent in his company and that of his siblings and your brother. It reminded you of sunrays and warm breezes, of leaves dancing in the wind and birds singing in the trees. Of laughter echoing in the house with the red door at the end of the dirt road, where you had grown into the person that you were today.
Taehyung was reassuring, in a nostalgic kind of way. And maybe that, most of all, was the reason why you felt so comfortable with him, so willing to give yourself away to him. You didn’t know if it was safe, if the Taehyung you were with right now was the same that you had known back then, but you found you couldn’t stop.
You found you didn’t want to stop kissing him. Not when the very act of it was intoxicating, liberating, as if you were a bird that had just learned how to soar up above in the clouds.
He brushed his thumb on your cheekbone, bringing you back to reality before gently pulling a stray strand of hair behind your ear. It made butterflies take flight in your stomach, right as you deepened the kiss, pushing your tongue in his mouth just like he had been doing to you a moment ago. Taehyung answered by sucking on it, ever so gently, before pulling away.
The absence of his lips against yours grounded you back into reality, but you kept your eyes closed, chasing the remnants of the kiss in your memory, letting his flavour linger just a little longer.
“You’re such a good girl already”, Taehyung murmured, and his words had a burning sensation take the place of the soft warmth in your core.
“Tae…” you breathed, opening your eyes.
You found him already looking at you, with a slightly widened gaze. As if you were a surprise, something he had never thought he’d see. And maybe you were.
“For someone that has never kissed before, you sure know how to do it”, he said, always a little tease, and his lips spread into a smile. Into a grin, even.
Your blush deepened, right as the corners of your mouth tugged upwards too. “I followed your lead.”
He smirked. “As I said, you’re already such a good girl.”
You chuckled, a small feminine sound you hadn’t expected to have in you. Taehyung echoed it by tilting his head to the side, watching you as if you were a curiosity.
“What now?”
Your question had his mouth parting, smirk disappearing. His eyes clouded with that same desire you had seen earlier, turning darker than they already were. And Taehyung had a dark gaze, a gaze so deep you knew you could get lost in it.
You wondered how many girls had gotten lost in him before. The thought was almost enough to shower your arousal away, yet it clung to you as Taehyung ran a hand along your arm, fingers barely even grazing your skin.
“You will have to be patient, Y/n”, Taehyung said, offering you a wicked smirk that had your insides turning gooey. “This was your first kiss, we shouldn’t jump into something more right away, mmh?”
You wanted to ask why not, but the sweetness that had taken over his voice at his last words stopped you from doing so. Because it was sweet, the way he spoke. As if you were worth all of his time, a show he wanted to appreciate in its full length instead of rushing to the end.
It was a dangerous way to feel. A treacherous one, and you could already feel the ground beneath you tilting, threatening to make you fall. You could only hope your feet wouldn’t give up underneath you, or else you’d slide down the slope.
“I’ve already waited my whole life”, you pointed out, your lust finally winning over your will to remain silent. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”
Taehyung’s mouth spread in a thin line, as if your words had threatened to make him fall into insanity. He tsked, slowly shaking his head in disbelief. “Then why don’t you take off your shirt?”
You paused for only a half beat before grabbing the hem of it, pulling it over your head. The discarded piece of clothing met the floor, falling softly. Like a feather would fall, a feather from one of the many pillow fights you had shared. It was as if time had slowed, and it really felt like it, as Taehyung’s gaze dropped to your chest, drinking in the sight of you.
“So beautiful”, he whispered, and one of his hands reached forward, palming your breasts over your bra. You stiffened a little, and he met your gaze again, hand pulling away, remaining close enough for you to feel its warmth still. “Is it okay if I touch you?”
You nodded, doing your best not to think more than needed.
He chuckled. “I want to hear you say it.”
“Please touch me”, you quickly said, voice hitching in your throat as Taehyung grabbed you with that big hand of his again, leaning forward to catch your lips in a passionate kiss. It didn’t take long for his other hand to grab onto your other breast, and he pinched your hardened nipples through the fabric.
You moaned. It was an unexpected sound, one that came from deep within your throat. It seemed to set Taehyung haywire, because he grunted into the kiss, biting at your bottom lip. It made you moan again, right as his hands reached to your back to unclasp your bra. He only pulled away once the piece of clothing met your shirt on the floor, eyes falling to your naked breasts for half a second before he moved down, licking at one of your nipples.
Your hand moved in his hair, digits slightly shaking as you grabbed a handful of it to pull him back into another kiss, one that had your teeth clashing together. It didn’t slow you down. Not even a little bit, as Taehyung played with your nipples again, rolling the hardened buds between his thumb and forefinger.
As foreign as the feeling was, it made you arch your back, moaning in his mouth again. He kept going at it for a time, until his lips left yours to move down your neck, leaving a trail of hot wet kisses along your jaw and down to your collarbone. He sucked on it, leaving a small purple bruise behind before going lower, catching one of your nipples in his mouth. You could feel every swipe of his tongue on the sensitive bud, and your eyes fell shut as you arched even more, pushing your breasts into his face as he massaged the free one with one of his hands.
His other hand hovered at your waist, holding you gently. As if he wanted to give you a chance to escape if you wanted to, but still needed to feel more of your skin against his careful digits. And you wanted to feel more of his, you wanted to feel all of his body pressed against all of yours.
A dangerous way to feel indeed.
“Tae…” you breathed again, pulling at his hair a little.
He looked up at you, lips glossed by his ministrations against your nipple, or maybe by the kiss you had previously shared. “Everything okay?”
“I want more.”
He smirked, that same wicked smirk that made you burn inside. “Be patient, Y/n.”
You let out a frustrated sigh, one that hitched in your throat as the hand that was hovering next to your waist moved between your legs, barely grazing your clothed pussy before resting on your inner thigh.
“I won’t have sex with you tonight”, Taehyung told you.
And though the revelation disappointed you, you slowly nodded your head. “That’s okay.”
“I didn’t bring any condoms”, Taehyung added. “Otherwise I’d fuck you all night long.”
His crude words made your eyes widen, right as you pressed your thighs together in the hopes of getting a little friction where you desperately needed it. “You can’t say stuff like that”, you complained.
Taehyung offered you a toothy grin that inched far closer to endearment than lust. “I can and I will.”
You rolled your eyes, though they rolled to the back of your head as he pressed his hand against your core again.
“So receptive”, he praised you. “Why don’t you lay on your back?”
It was a command in a clever disguise. You were pretty sure no one could ever disobey Taehyung, not when he spoke with that deep baritone voice of his. You moved, lying down, legs going on each side of him. He looked down at you, hungrily, teeth slightly biting at his lower lip as he drank you in.
And he did drink you in, making you feel as if you were the finest bottle of wine he had ever tasted. The nectar of the gods, ambrosia making him salivate with the thought of tasting you. Of tasting more of you, all of you, until he knew every flavour of you.
“What do you think of when you touch yourself?” he asked, tilting his head to the side as he ran a hand on your thigh.
Even though you were still wearing pants, the press of his fingers against you had arousal pooling at your core. Always more, your body responding to him in a way it had never responded to you.
You remained silent, half trying to think about a witty answer and half trying not to moan as he pressed a thumb on your clothed self, right on top of your clit. And he pressed hard, a shot of sensitivity running up your spine and making your legs tighten around him. He chuckled at your reaction, before releasing the pressure just enough for thoughts to start taking form in your head again.
And you didn’t know the answer to his question. Most of the time you just thought of romantic scenarios that you had seen in movies or read about in books taking the forefront of your fantasies. But as you looked up at Taehyung through half-lidded eyes, you knew your fantasies were going to change, to morph into the man between your legs.
“I don’t know”, you replied, breath itching in your throat as he pressed harder again.
“Should I give you stuff to think about?”
It was the low voice. The baritone timber of him. You’d let him tell you anything with that voice of his.
Blood rushed to your cheeks as he watched you pointedly, clearly expecting a reply.
“You already are”, you mumbled, and he offered you another wicked smile.
“Then let’s make this better, mmh?”
You would never refuse him making you feel better. So you nodded, arching your back a little as your hips instinctively grinded up into his hand. The dark gaze returned as he pushed you down, before bending forward to press a kiss on your jaw.
The proximity of his mouth to yours had your lips parting open, and a second later your mouths crashed, another passionate kiss searing the deal between you. Burning it into your flesh, turning you into his. Because the way Taehyung kissed you, the way he touched you… It made you feel as if you were his.
And maybe you had always been.
As he kissed you, Taehyung let his hand wander up to your waistband, fingers blindly searching for the button of your pants. Once that was freed, he slid his hand in, sighing in your mouth as you sucked on his bottom lip.
“Fuck, Y/n”, he said. “You’re dripping.”
The sound you let out was incoherent. Somewhere between a moan and a whine, and it disappeared into his mouth, swallowed by him as he kissed you again. And he kissed you for a while, his hand not moving from where he was touching you, above your panties, fingers pressed to your middle.
As if he wanted to feel your juice soaking your panties until they became uncomfortable.
“Do you want me to finger you?” he asked once he stopped kissing you, resting his forehead against yours.
The gesture was sweet even in the heated atmosphere, and a shy smile grew on your lips. “Please”, you murmured.
His hand left you and you almost whined at the loss of contact. You heard fabric rustling, and your eyelids fluttered open to the sight of Taehyung slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt, hungry gaze waiting for yours. And when your gazes locked, Taehyung wet his lips with a dart of his tongue, mouth falling open before it slid into a smirk.
That smirk was going to be the death of you.
“It’s unfair that I’m still fully dressed when I’m about to take your pants off, no?” he teased, even going to the extent of winking at you as he shrugged off his shirt, sending it right to your own shirt on the ground.
As much as his face was attractive, your eyes fell to his body. And it was your turn to drink in the sight of him, to admire the perfect sculpted body displayed in front of you as if it was fine art. Beautiful art, crafted into the shape of the man between your legs.
Once Taehyung was bare-chested, he moved back to your pants, thumbs hooking in the hem as he sent you a questioning glance. You answered by cocking an eyebrow, not really knowing why uncertainty had slid into his gaze.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he enquired, voice gentle yet firm.
Asking for consent like that made Taehyung twice as attractive to you. You nodded your head, biting your lips. “Never been so sure about anything.”
You were bold tonight. Bold under the dark gaze of your best friend’s brother. Someone that had once been the source of all of your daydreams. Teenage you probably was screaming inside of you, somewhere in the corners of your heart where she still reigned. Yet you felt courageous in the vicinity of Kim Taehyung, as if him being attracted to you made you feel twice as powerful. And really, it did. You felt beautiful in his presence.
“That’s good”, Taehyung said, a cocky smirk once again gracing his lips as he started pulling your pants down.
You helped him get past the ass area, before lying back down on the couch. Your gaze remained lost in his as the pants moved all the way down your legs. And he moved slowly, taking his time, enjoying every shiver that shook through you whenever his fingers pressed into your skin a little harder.
Once the pants were off – the socks had come off with them – Taehyung settled himself between your legs again. His eyes hadn’t left yours yet, but you knew that he wanted to look. Knew that he was fighting the male instinct to gaze down at your core, and at the wetness that was pooling on your clothed pussy.
His large hands slowly moved to your thighs, settling right above your knees. They were hot against your skin, burning even, and they remained unmoving for a time. When you shivered again, Taehyung let out a deep chuckle that had you seeing stars. He knew what he was doing to you, and he was enjoying it. Far too much for your own good.
His hands started sliding up, ever so slowly, right as his gaze returned to the dark dangerous look. It was even darker now, and he almost looked like a demon sitting between your legs. Like a starved demon that’d finally get a taste of a virgin soul. And though you were a virgin, you were not innocent. You didn’t have to look between his legs to see his erection pressing against his pants. You knew Taehyung wanted you, from the harsh set of his jaw to the slight tilt of his head to the side.
His fingers tickled your skin as they moved up, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. You didn’t dare move lest he’d stop, so you froze. Stopped breathing altogether as you waited for his touch on the place you wanted him the most.
Yet it never came. Taehyung stopped before he reached your core. You could feel the ghost of his touch between your legs, maybe because his thumbs were almost reaching up to your folds. But not quite, stopping just an inch from your pussy.
And then his hands left you entirely, and you shot a glare at him.
His face had turned serious, and he looked so different from how he usually looked you found your boldness fleeing from you.
“On your stomach”, he ordered. As you hesitated for a time, Taehyung cocked an eyebrow. “I want to see that perfect ass of yours.”
You flushed red, and if you hadn’t been as aroused as you were, you probably would have told him your ass was far from perfect. But you had no words left in you, only obedience. So you moved, awkwardly turning until your legs had switched places on each side of him.
Taehyung’s hands moved back on you then, grabbing your waist carefully as you looked at him over your shoulder.
“So fucking pretty”, he praised you, and the slap he landed on your ass had your body moving forward.
It stung, but Taehyung quickly massaged the hurt away. And then he kept massaging you, his big hands moving up until they found all the knots in your back, easing the tension out of you better than anything else could have.
Everywhere he touched you he left a burning trail behind, until you were pretty sure you were going to combust if he didn’t touch between your legs soon. It was like he had sensed it, because Taehyung moved back down your back, and one of his hands cupped an ass cheek while the other moved between your legs, skilled fingers immediately going to your clit.
You moaned, surprising even yourself, and you hid your face in the couch.
“Don’t muffle your sounds”, Taehyung reprimanded you, and he landed another slap to your ass. “I want to hear every little sound you make while I’m pleasuring you.”
Right on cue, his fingers moved on your clit again, and another moan found its way up your throat. You almost choked on it, yet the sound fell from your parted lips, and Taehyung slapped your ass again for good measure.
“Good girl.”
One of his long fingers moved up, between your legs. Touching your center, pressing on the wetness pooling there. Just enough for you to whine, hips moving instinctively again.
“Be patient”, he said, tutting. “I’ll give you everything you want.”
Your arousal was rising, inside of you. Reaching heights you had never seen before, and the sight of the world from up there was scary. You could only hope the fall wouldn’t be too harsh.
Taehyung kept pressing circles on your clit, playing with the sensitive organ. His touch wasn’t too hard, yet with your panties it felt uncomfortable. A little too much, and the friction of the wet fabric against you made you tighten your legs.
“Tae?” you breathed out. He stopped moving, expectantly silent waiting for you to continue. “Can you take off my panties?”
“You’re getting sensitive, mmh?”
You wanted to punch the male cockiness out of him but all you could do was nod your head as you glanced at him over your shoulder.
He was looking down at you with that half smile of his, and he wet his lips as one of his fingers hooked on the side of your panties, the pad of his digit resting on one of your folds. You gulped, trying to hold his gaze, but as he started slowly sliding a finger in, your eyelids fluttered shut, sealing together.
Suddenly, you couldn’t remember what you had just asked. You couldn’t remember anything, as your mind went blank. All that was left was the slow inching of his finger inside of you.
“You play with yourself like this?”
His question had you furrowing your brows. “Tae…”
“You’re so wet I could probably fuck you like that”, he said, sounding as if he was pondering. As if he was debating doing it and you almost wanted to beg him. To beg him to do it, and fuck you into oblivion. “But we can always do that later.”
As he talked his finger started pulling out, and he quickly pushed it back in before it had fully exited your pussy. You let out another breathy sound, though this time it took the shape of his name. He started pumping, slowly, and the squelching sound between your legs would have embarrassed you if you hadn’t already been too far gone to even acknowledge it.
Right when you thought you were going to be able to open your eyes and look at him, Taehyung pushed another one of his long digits inside of you. It stretched you, just a little, but it didn’t hurt. It just felt even better, all sensations doubling up inside of you until stars danced on the blackness of your tightly shut eyelids. He added scissoring motions to the whole ordeal, stretching you wide open as his hungry eyes looked at you. The way he moved made your panties rub on your clit again, and you let out a small whine.
Taehyung stopped moving, fingers knuckle deep inside of you, as he massaged your ass with his other hand. “Everything okay?”
“My panties”, you let out, unable to form a full sentence.
Yet it was enough for Taehyung to get the clue and his fingers pulled out of you as he grabbed the hem of your panties to take them off of you. You waited patiently for him to touch you again, eyes fluttering open as he struggled to pull your panties down your legs.
“Kinda hard in this position”, he muttered, and you blushed a little as you met his gaze.
He looked ethereal. Hair a little out of place with a dark strand falling in front of his eyes. His skin was glowing in a honey shade that gave him a warm vibe, that same warm vibe he had always been filled with back when you had been too young to know about sex and the likes.
And though you now knew, everything felt the same. Taehyung was always going to be his same self. Or so you hoped.
You moved, sitting up a little to help him take off your panties. It had your eyes slide to his lap, and to the prominent bulge that was pushing against his pants. He looked big, even hidden from your eyes, and you could feel your mouth salivating.
You wanted to get a taste of him. But you had no idea how to do it, no idea how to vocalize your want, so you only turned until you were lying on your back, half-lidded eyes searching Taehyung’s face for his own gaze.
But his gaze was elsewhere. His gaze was on the spot between your parted legs, where juice was slowly dripping. Your brain started forming a thought about your couch getting ruined, but before it could fully take shape Taehyung’s eyes snapped to yours.
“I think you’ve got the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.”
The compliment made you blush, and your thighs instinctively moved to close together. He tutted, stopping them with his large hands.
“None of that, I want to see all of you.”
“You already have”, you muttered, cheeks turning a dark shade of red.
He let out a small laugh as he massaged your thighs up and down a couple of times again. “Doesn’t mean that I got enough.”
A smile pulled at the corners of your lips, but before you could say something one of his hands had found its way to your core again, and he slid two fingers in. Your mouth fell open as your eyes locked with his. He pumped his fingers in a couple of times before arching them, finding a spot inside of you that had the corners of your vision turning blurry.
“I think I could make you cum like this”, he said.
All you could do was nod because, sure enough, an orgasm was on the horizon, and you could feel the wave crashing towards you. But Taehyung slowed, almost coming to a full stop, before sitting a little farther away. You watched him curiously, until he bent down, his face coming dangerously close to your heat.
He blew a hot breath on your sensitive clit, and a hot shiver shot up your spine. “Can I eat you out?”
You nodded, quickly. “Please…” you breathed out.
Taehyung didn’t need any more to dive in. And dive in he did, lips closing around your clit as he sucked it, tongue flicking at it. You moaned, loudly, and one of your hands got lost in his hair. His fingers resumed their ministrations against that sweet spot inside of you, right as he rested his tongue flatly against your clit, rubbing it until the wave rushed closer to you. You could feel the orgasm taking shape in your lower stomach, a burning sensation that promised to wash away what was left of your sanity. And you didn’t even know if anything was left: all you knew was that your walls were clenching against his fingers, and the grunt he let out pushed you over the edge.
You came in a blinding flash of white light, your lips parting open on a silent moan as you pushed your hips up, pressing yourself harder against his tongue. Your pussy pulsated against his fingers and yet he didn’t slow down. Just kept on pleasuring you, milking every last drop of your orgasm out of you until you were pretty sure you’d die from the oversensitivity. But you didn’t want him to stop, only wanted to feel his fingers inside of you and his tongue against your clit.
Taehyung had other things in mind though, because he pulled away, pressing a kiss on the inside of your thigh as he moved up to a kneeling position. You could barely focus on him. No, you were blinded by the aura surrounding him. An aura of ecstasy that made you want to wrap your legs around him, until you’d feel the bulge in his pants pressing against you.
He bit his lip, though he let you pull him closer. Even pushed forward, and your eyes shut as his erection pressed against your sensitive clit.
“Way to ruin my Prada pants”, he stated and that most of all brought you back down to reality.
You released him from the prison of your legs, slowly pushing yourself up so you could sit. But your arms gave out under you, the remnants of your orgasm making you feel far too weak for you to sit yet.
“Sorry”, you mumbled sheepishly.
He bent down, pressing a kiss on your lips that had your eyes shutting instinctively as you wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close to you. You wondered if your hearts were beating in synch as the warm skin of his chest pressed against your breasts, and before you could tell Taehyung pulled away.
“It’s okay”, he reassured you. “Where’s the bathroom?”
It took you a long time to understand why he was asking. And you only did when you realized he was holding his hand away from the fabric of your couch, not wanting to stain it.
“Oh”, you let out. You glanced to the side, until your eyes fell on a closed door. “Over there.”
Taehyung followed your line of gaze, nodding his head before getting up. “I’ll be right back.”
“I should probably get cleaned up too”, you said, and he offered you a warm smile.
“I’ll bring you back a towel.” It was said sweetly, and you couldn’t help the flutter that took over your heart as he turned around, exposing the skin of his back to your eyes.
You watched him go, and watched him wash his hands from the open door of the bathroom as he hadn’t shut it behind him. He threw you a glance, probably because he could feel your heavy gaze on the side of his face. He turned off the tap, cocking an eyebrow as he grabbed the towel you usually used to dry your hands. He walked back towards you, and his gait was predatory. Maybe because it was slow and he was goddamn Kim Taehyung, but mostly because his eyes still were set in that dark look.
You didn’t think you’d survive that look.
“Let me clean you up”, he said with that low voice of his as he stopped next to you, before sitting in the spot where he had been a moment ago.
As with everything that came with Taehyung, you didn’t find it in you to say no. You only winced when he pressed the towel between your legs, your overstimulated pussy feeling every tiny fiber of the cloth as he cleaned you up.
When he was done, he put the towel on the floor beside the couch. Your eyes followed his every move, and before you could realize it, you said, “I want to suck your dick”.
He paused as he was almost sitting back in his spot, and his head turned towards you.
“Do you?” he asked, as his two eyebrows shot up towards his hairline.
You had taken Kim Taehyung by surprise, hadn’t you?
“I want to make you feel good”, you said, and you had the decency to blush as you realized just how crude you were being.
He wet his lips, and one of his large hands palmed himself through his pants. “Do you think you could take it all?”
You looked down at his lap, eyes following the shape of his dick underneath the fabric. You actually didn’t know. He looked big, far bigger than what you thought was possible. Maybe because you had never really seen a dick before, not feeling like going to the trouble of downloading porn just so you could get off to it.
It wasn’t like you had really needed it to get off anyway. And with what had just happened, you didn’t think you’d ever need it.
“You can teach me how.” You said it innocently, teeth sinking into your lower lip.
Taehyung didn’t reply. He just stared at you until your eyes met his again. From the periphery of your vision, you saw him unbutton and unzip his pants. His hand slid in, probably wrapping against his dick. Most definitely jerking himself off, in all truth. It made your breath catch in your throat as you kept holding the intensity of his gaze.
He was going to make you catch fire soon.
“Had I known you’d be so greedy I’d have talked to you sooner”, he murmured, adding your name at the end in that low dangerous baritone of his voice.
You couldn’t resist. You closed the space between you, lips meeting his. You wondered if the salty taste that had overcome his mouth was from eating you out, and it just turned you on further. As if you weren’t already a wildfire.
You let one of your hands move until it was touching him. His dick was moving under the fabric as he jerked himself and you let out a moan as his tongue slipped in your mouth. He answered it by grunting, a guttural sound that had you see stars.
His hand moved out of his pants, moving up until he was cupping your cheek. You kept on palming him, and his dick twitched under your fingers.
“You’re so big”, you murmured against his lips.
He inhaled sharply, before pulling away from the kiss. “I want to see your pretty lips wrapped around me.”
He moved your hand so he could take off his pants. You couldn’t help looking down until your eyes caught sight of his dick. You were right: he was big. Big and angry red and leaking precum all over the head as his dick rested against his abdomen. A thick vein ran up and down his cock, and part of you thought you could see his pulse in it. You reached forward, fingers grazing the vein, following it until you moved to the head. You collected the precum on your forefinger, before looking Taehyung in the eyes as you sucked your finger clean.
Kim Taehyung tasted heavenly. Or maybe you were just drunk with lust.
Your little act had him rest his head against the couch, letting out a low curse that had you smirk.
“You’re so attractive”, he muttered as he looked at you through half-lidded eyes. You let your finger go as your lips spread in a smirk, before you moved off from the couch. Taehyung watched you as you kneeled in front of him. He spread his legs just a little to allow you easy access, and you caught sight of his balls. You wondered what it would feel like to suck on them and you instinctively leaned forward, licking between the two of them.
“Fuck.”
His small word had you let out a small chuckle. It made you feel sexy, powerful, and you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock.
“You’ll have to guide me”, you said.
He looked down, meeting your gaze as you pumped his dick slowly.
“First, you can grab it harder”, he told you. “I like when it’s tight.”
You shivered, obeying as your grip on his dick tightened. You licked your lips, waiting expectantly.
“You might want to suck on the head first. I don’t think I could stop myself from fucking your pretty mouth.”
“Then do it.”
It was too bold. You were too bold, a stranger to yourself. Maybe the demon inhabiting Taehyung’s eyes had inhabited you too, and it had made you go insane.
Taehyung hissed. “Let’s keep some stuff for another time, shall we?” He brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, fingers lingering against your cheek. “I just want to feel your lips and tongue on me.”
You wondered if he could feel the heat of your cheeks as you flushed red. You doubted so, as you had been flushed red with ecstasy all night.
“I don’t know how to do it”, you breathed, sounding a little more like yourself for once.
He smiled. “Just lick at the head. Taste me.”
You held his gaze as you moved forward, tongue darting out to touch the head. You didn’t blink once as you swirled your tongue around him, collecting all the precum until the salty taste had coated all of your tongue. “Like that?” you said, a little innocently.
His shallow breathing was enough of an answer. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you did it again, this time following the base of the head. You found a spot at the back that felt a little different, and you pushed on it.
Taehyung grabbed the side of your head, before closing his hand on some of your hair. It pulled at your scalp, but not enough to hurt. It only made your eyes open.
“Do that again”, he instructed.
You obeyed and he threw his head back. You made a mental note that that seemed to work, before moving a little closer to him, until your mouth was hovering over his dick.
“Suck me”, he breathed, right as you wrapped your lips around his dick.
You licked at the slit of his dick, cleaning it from the new precum that had accumulated there. Taehyung grunted, and a second later you were moving down his dick.
He hissed. “Careful with your teeth.”
You hadn’t realized you had grazed him with your teeth, but you assumed he was in a better position to tell. You loosened your jaw, before pulling away. Taehyung let you do it, but as you were about to entirely let go of his dick, he thrusted up.
You gagged and he let go of your hair as you sat back on your heels.
“I am so sorry”, he apologized, eyes round as you met his gaze. “I didn’t mean…”
You chuckled, blinking away the tears that had formed because of the gag reflex. “It’s okay.”
He wet his lips, nodding his head. “You don’t have to suck my dick.”
You rolled your eyes, before jerking him up and down a few times. It shut him up, and he rested his head against the couch again, eyes fluttering shut.
Taehyung was attractive, from this angle. Sharp jaw that could cut through steel, dark locks falling all around his face. His chest had taken on a red flush, and it moved up and down quickly with his quick breathing.
You licked the head of his dick again, focusing on the spot you had found earlier. You sucked on it, using your tongue to play with it a little more, before you took him in again. This time, you didn’t try moving down his dick again. You focused on sucking on the head, hollowing your cheeks as you pumped his cock, keeping the tight grip he seemed to like.
He grunted as your tongue circled his head. “If you want”, he said after a time, “you can play with my balls at the same time.”
You immediately reached up with your free hand, grabbing his balls in your palm. You tightened your grip around them, and Taehyung shuddered under your touch.
“A little gentler with the balls, baby”, he said, chuckling.
You pulled away. “Sorry.”
“No”, he breathed, shaking his head. “You’re doing great.”
You had no idea if that was true, but it made your mouth salivate for more of his taste. So you guided him in your mouth again, this time taking him as far deep as you could. He moaned, even while half of his cock didn’t even fit in. You jerked him off, resting your tongue flat against him until you found the thick vein you had seen earlier.
You hollowed your cheeks, and your gaze locked with Taehyung as he finally opened his eyes. The dark look in his gaze was different now, as if he was about to break. And maybe he was going to break, his cock getting harder in your mouth as you bobbed your head up and down. Once in a while, you choked on him, and he let out a deep grunt that only made you want to go faster, to take more of him in. It was hard in the position, so you kept using your hands.
Your jaw ached, from how large he was. From having to keep your mouth open so wide to be able to take him in. It was a dull ache, and you ignored it, focusing on him. Focusing on making him feel good as you moved to a quick rhythm he established by pushing your head up and down on him.
You didn’t mind. You liked that he took control. It made a new heat pool between your legs, and you moaned against his cock.
“I’m going to cum soon”, Taehyung told you, before letting out a broken moan that sounded like your name. “Are you going to be a good girl and swallow everything?”
You would have said yes had you been in a position where you could talk. Instead, you moaned again, sucking on him harder. Taehyung moaned too, in a deep sound that made you shiver with lust for him, and a second later hot spurts of his cum hit the back of your throat. Your eyes shut, and you kept on sucking him, swallowing everything he threw at you. And he came a lot, the bitter taste making it very hard not to gag. As he came, Taehyung’s second hand grabbed your head, and his hips thrusted forward again. Not enough to make you choke around him, luckily enough.
When you were sure you had milked the last of his cum from his cock, you pulled away, licking your lips clean once you were sitting back on your heels. Taehyung looked spent on the couch, yet he pushed himself up a little, until he was leaning towards you.
“Open your mouth”, he said, holding onto your jaw with a firm grip. You obeyed, showing him that you had swallowed everything. He smirked, patting your cheek. “The best girl.”
You nodded, blushing a little as your mouth fell shut. He held your gaze for a time, before glancing around your apartment. His eyes eventually fell to your banana milk next to the couch, the drink long forgotten in the heat and passion you had shared.
“You might want to drink that to change the taste”, he said, letting out a soft laugh.
Your eyes dipped to his softening cock, and you nodded your head as you got up. “Let me just grab a shirt to put on.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Put my shirt on.”
Still that commanding tone of his… it was going to make you go crazy.
Scratch that, you were already crazy. Far more than you had ever thought you’d be. Hell, you had just given a blowjob to your best friend’s older brother. To Kim Taehyung, a member of the biggest boyband in the world.
You grabbed his dress shirt. It was a soft pink colour. For a moment you thought you had seen it somewhere, but the ecstasy that still clung to you made it hard to think. You put it on, buttoning up until your body was finally hidden from his hungry eyes. Yet they didn’t look all that hungry anymore. They just looked tired, positively so.
“I can’t believe we did this”, he said, a little breathlessly, as you finally sat next to him again, banana milk in hand. While you had been putting his shirt on, he had put his pants back on, hiding his soft dick from view. Yet you still could admire the warm skin of his chest, and the red flush that adorned the top part of it.
“Eunjin is never going to believe this”, you muttered.
Taehyung met your gaze, eyes widening a little. “She cannot know.” You paused, banana milk halfway to your mouth. Taehyung must have read something in your eyes, because he continued, “She’ll kill me if she knows. She already was pissed that I let you sleep in my bed the night of her party.”
You were surprised at the disappointment that rose inside of you. It tasted bitter, but not the kind of bitter Taehyung’s cum had tasted like. No, it tasted of regret.
“Oh”, you let out. You busied yourself with drinking the milk to hide the disappointment. Taehyung noticed it, though. You were pretty sure he did, so you quickly said, “It’s okay. Just weird, because we tell each other everything.”
Taehyung slowly nodded, wetting his lips. “I know.” He once again reached up, putting a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I just don’t want the drama that would come with it.”
You didn’t really want it either. And he was right, Eunjin could cause a lot of drama if she wanted. You loved her endlessly, but you didn’t want her to scold you for achieving one of your teenage fantasies.
“Besides, I’d like to see you again”, Taehyung added. “I need to be alive for that, and we both know Jinnie will murder me if she knows.”
You laughed. Taehyung wanted to see you again?
“I’d rather you not die”, you said.
Taehyung offered you a secretive smile accompanied by a tilt of his head to the side. You held his dark gaze. Somewhere in its depth you could feel the demon watching you. And even though you were happy Taehyung wanted to see you again, the demon lurking in the shadows had your heart squeezing in your chest.
You were pretty sure it was just a matter of time before it ripped it from your ribcage.
***
Kim Taehyung was a kind human being. Sweet as honey, with a smile that spread warmth wherever he went. You had seen him again three times, after that very first time, and he still swept you off your feet. He took to caring for you – offering you food and letting you wear his clothes whenever you felt like it. But Kim Taehyung was a busy man, and weeks passed without you hanging out.
You never had sex. The three times you had hung out had just been filled with cuddling, holding hands and make-out sessions that left you breathless. The orgasms he pulled out of you contributed to it too, you were pretty sure. Never going further than preliminaries, Taehyung still managed to make you come undone under his skilled fingers. But he never gave in to more. Whenever you asked, he said that you weren’t ready, and that you had to be patient.
You were tired of being patient. But then he kissed your forehead, smiled that sweet smile of his, and your annoyance dwindled away.
You hadn’t seen the demon in his eyes again, after that first time. Or you had just become blind to it. Sometimes you thought it didn’t really show up because Taehyung appreciated spending time with you. And he did say so. He only looked slightly uncomfortable when you suggested having sex for real, so you had decided to stop asking.
He’d give it to you whenever the time was right.
The Holidays rushed in, a little under two months after that first time you had seen him, and as they did family traditions settled in. You moved back to Daegu for the week off you had – first time you had it off since you had started working for Samsung. You were excited for it, mostly because you’d get to spend it with Eunjin’s family and yours. Even your brother was coming, along with his fiancée.
It promised to be an exciting time indeed.
“Do you think I should wear this?” Eunjin asked.
You were currently sprawled on her bed, scrolling through Instagram as she unpacked her suitcase. Sung-tan-jul was on the morrow, and it seemed Eunjin wanted to dress up for it. Which was useless, because it was just going to be your family and hers, and none of you had ever really been traditional.
“Uh?” you let out, scrolling to the next picture on your feed. It was a BTS edit, and your cheeks flushed red as Taehyung appeared on the screen.
To think Kim Taehyung had been between your legs more than once was the strangest thought. It felt surreal, yet it was the truth. A truth set in stone, one he reminded you of as he texted you. Your phone dinged, and Eunjin threw herself on the bed next to you.
“You’re not even listening.”
You blushed, hiding the notification from her. “Just wear whatever, it’s not like it really matters.”
It was a lie, sort of. Because you had prepared your prettiest outfits for the week, knowing that Taehyung would be here. You wanted to look good for him, because God knew Kim Taehyung never looked bad.
“I’ve looked through your clothes and you just brought designer stuff.” She rolled her eyes as you glanced at her. “It’s like you’re trying to impress someone.”
You hoped she didn’t see you blanch because you sure had.
“You know I like fashion”, you said.
That wasn’t a lie. You had always liked fashion, and you had gotten a raise earlier this year at work that had allowed you to start indulging in your passion, buying clothes you had never thought you would be able to afford.
“You do, and it’s annoying because you have a better sense of style than I do and I always look bad next to you.”
You sent her a pointed glance. “Bitch, you are the prettiest. I don’t have the choice but to dress well if I want to compare.”
Eunjin tsked, yet she remained silent as a smile stretched on her lips at the compliment.
You fell into a comfortable silence, and you continued scrolling through your phone. Eunjin did the same next to you, and she eventually started filling the silence with talks of her new work crush.
Scratch that, she was complaining about the guy. But you knew by the way she was getting worked up that there was more to it. She was your best friend after all.
You were surprised that she hadn’t realized the change in you. The change Taehyung had brought to you. Maybe because it was hidden, that change. Just for you and him to know. It felt exciting, to have a secret to hide. Like you were doing something you shouldn’t be doing, and the thrill of it had you craving for Taehyung’s touch a little more every day.
“Does she always complain like that?” the man’s deep baritone voice said from the door.
It was like thinking of him had summoned him out of thin air. Eunjin yelped, jumping out of bed to embrace Taehyung.
“Oppa, you idiot!” she said. “I thought you were only coming tomorrow.”
He smiled at you over her shoulder. A secretive smile, one that had butterflies forming in your stomach and warmth blossoming between your legs.
The effect he had on you… it was dangerous, considering you were going to spend a week under the same roof as him without having the opportunity to really spend time alone together.
“I was able to come earlier”, he said as they pulled away from their embrace. “Hi, Y/n.”
You shut your phone, sitting up in the bed. “Hey, Tae.”
Eunjin had her brows knit together when she turned to look at you. You had messed up, hadn’t you?
“Since when are you so casual with him?” she threw at you, tone accusative.
You shrugged your shoulders, hoping she couldn’t see your heart beating out of your chest. “Maybe since the party you threw during which he had to take care of me because you got me too drunk?”
Taehyung stifled a laugh as Eunjin’s gaze widened. “I got you drunk? Girl, you did that all by yourself.”
Maybe you had. You just offered her a crooked grin, before meeting Taehyung’s gaze. The world seemed to slow around you, and for a moment there was just you and him. You wished you could close the space between you, press your lips to taste the honey sweetness of his, but you resisted, your grin melting into a tight-lipped smile instead. He replied with a wink that went unnoticed to Eunjin before saying that dinner was soon going to be ready. Eunjin pushed him out of the room, before shutting the door behind her.
“Let me get changed before we go down.”
And that was how the Holidays began for you. It was warm, fun and nostalgic, reminding you of younger days. As everything did, when it came to the Kims and their childhood house. Your childhood house too, as you had spent most of your time here. It was also the first time your brother’s fiancée, Choi Ryunjin, spent time like that with your family. She had been very shy around Taehyung at first, but she had soon melted under the warmth of his smile, and the group that had once been five was six.
It was perfect. Sung-tan-jul, that is. With laughter and whiskey, and gifts exchanged next to a plastic Christmas tree, as snow fell lazily outside. There wasn’t a lot of it, but still the world outside was soon covered by a white blanket that made for a perfect Christmas.
It was an idyllic picture, just as much as the new memories you were making.
Taehyung was warm. Warmth incarnate, even. You shared longing looks and quick touches, when nobody was looking. It made your heart race, but you knew better than to go to him in the middle of the night. Even though your body was aching for it, you just wanted to spend time with him as a friend.
A little foolish part of you hoped it would help with the relationship you shared. Though situationship was probably a more accurate word.
Eunjin didn’t seem to suspect a thing in the days that followed. Didn’t notice that Taehyung always managed to sit next to you, only so he could press his thigh against yours. Taehyung was a touchy man and you loved it to no end. It made you feel important, even if all you were was some sort of friends with benefits.
On the day before New Year’s Eve, the house fell silent for the first time in almost a week, most of everyone deciding to go enjoy the nice weather outside with a stroll through the fields, while the mothers made a trip to the market to gather whatever was needed for the celebrations the next day. You had stayed behind because you wanted to get some work done, and you were sitting in Eunjin’s dad’s office when Taehyung appeared at the door, cheeks pink from the cold outside.
“You should come with us”, he said, hands hidden behind his back.
Even dressed casually Taehyung looked good. Black jeans paired with a black t-shirt that he had tucked in his pants, and he had completed the look with a black belt made of real leather. His hair was ruffled by the wind outside, and the dust of pink on his features made him look so real.
Real and human in the most beautiful way, for a man that had been stealing your breath away for so long now.
“I’m almost done with work”, you said, stretching as you held in a yawn.
Taehyung leaned against the doorframe, his hands still hidden behind his back. “You shouldn’t be working during the holidays.”
“I’m pretty sure you are used to working during the holidays.”
He grinned sheepishly. “Not this year though. And I’d like to spend some time with you.”
It hit you then, that you hadn’t even had a second to yourselves since coming here. Just stolen touches and glances whenever you could, but nothing that you could add to the memories you had been making with Taehyung ever since November. Memories that were just yours to know, your little secret that made for the most beautiful garden in your heart.
“Do you?” you said as blood rushed to your cheeks.
He nodded, before pushing up from the door frame and walking towards you. “I haven’t even had the chance to give you your Sung-tan-jul gift.”
Your eyes widened as he revealed what he had been hiding behind his back: a red velvet box, with an elegant bow holding it close. It looked expensive, and you quickly shook your head.
“Oh no, Tae, you shouldn’t have gotten...”
The smile on his lips turned into a dangerous smirk that had your words die in your throat. He held out the box, and you knew you had turned a shade darker as you grabbed it.
“What is it?” you asked as you ran fingers on the soft velvet.
“Open it.”
You threw him a cautious glance, before gently pulling on the bow until it came undone. You hesitated for half a second before lifting the lid of the box and you were left dumbfounded for a time. Staring at the contents of the box without realizing what they were.
And then realization fell upon you, and you quickly put the lid back on the box.
“Oh my God, Taehyung, why did you give me this here?” you said, as your heart beat frantically in your chest. “What if someone sees it?”
He shrugged, a boyish smile gracing his pretty features. “Nobody is inside.”
“But someone could…”
“It’s just for you to know, sweetheart”, Taehyung interjected, and once again your words died on your lips. “I just thought we could take the next step in all of this.” His last words were punctuated by a motion of his to the air surrounding you.
All of this… Did he really think you would be willing to get tied up and blindfolded here? And you were pretty sure the leathery thing in the middle of the box was a whip of some sort…
Kim Taehyung was out of his mind, and you couldn’t even bring it in you to be mad at you. No, the blood that had raced to your cheeks had trickled down to your core, and warmth lit up your soul.
“But here?”
Your question lingered in the air, as you met his heavy gaze and tried to hold it. You were too much of a coward, and your eyes fell to the floor.
“Well, it’s my birthday”, he pointed out.
It was. You had wished him a happy birthday first thing in the morning, and had hugged him for a moment. A friendly hug, though he had held on to you for a little longer than necessary. No one had paid any mind to it, but the moment had been replaying in your thoughts on a loop ever since this morning.
“Someone could hear us”, you breathed, right as his hand reached for your chin.
He tilted your head backwards, until your eyes had met his again. “You’d just have to be quiet.”
“Eunjin will realize if I’m not in bed with her.” You were defiant, just a little. Something you had realized worked well when Taehyung desired you.
He wet his lips, before leaning down. To your surprise, the kiss landed on your forehead, and your eyelids fluttered shut instinctively.
“You know there could be a typhoon outside and she’d sleep through it.” He straightened, and your eyes fluttered open.
He wasn’t wrong, but he was still crazy if he thought you’d do anything with him when both of your families were under the same roof.
“You’re out of your mind”, you mumbled, and his thumb pulled on your bottom lip. Your mouth fell open, and he leaned down once again, this time kissing you softly before pulling away.
“For you?” He paused, as if to give emphasis to his words. “Always.”
Your hand reached out in the space between you, fingers hooking with the loop of his pants to make sure he wouldn’t pull away. Because you didn’t want him to pull away just yet. Not when your heart filled with warmth and butterflies rose in your stomach.
“You can’t say stuff like that”, you complained.
It wasn’t your first time telling him that. Whenever Taehyung said some stuff that made your heart race, you tended to remind him that whatever you shared was just physical. He was merely teaching you about sex, and you couldn’t let feelings intervene.
You knew situations like the one you shared never ended well when feelings were implied.
“Sorry”, he apologized, though he looked the least bit apologetic. “I’ve just missed being with you.”
He was letting you interpret his words however you wanted. You could tell from the way he was looking down at you. So you interpreted them as a craving of his body, and not something his heart might want. Because you weren’t stupid: there wasn’t a universe out there where Kim Taehyung might want you for more than that. You were both driven by lust, and by a teenage crush that had just held stronger than you had first believed. There was no affection between the two of you, other than that of the affection one holds for a childhood friend.
“So have I”, you breathed, pulling him a little closer.
His crotch was at eye-level with your gaze, yet you refused to look down. You knew the position was most definitely driving him insane though, and it made you feel powerful.
He often did that. Make you feel powerful, that is. It was addicting, like everything that came with him. Taehyung was like a cigarette, and the nicotine addiction was burning you from the inside out.
He grabbed your hand, pulling you up to your feet. You didn’t resist, following his lead until he had wrapped your arms around his neck and had put his large hands on your waist. There seemed to be a moment of the world holding its breath, and then Taehyung leaned down, pressing his lips against yours.
You melted into his touch, kissing him back with all the want in you. All the passion and the burning and the intoxicating feelings he brought up in you. He met your fire with a swipe of his tongue against your bottom lip, and you parted your mouth open for him.
“Oppa, do you know where eoma keeps the gloves?” Eunjin yelled, probably from downstairs.
You jumped out of Taehyung’s arms, face burning red, insides the temperature of molten metal. He had a startled expression on his face, but his voice didn’t waver as he replied to his sister, before adding, “I’ll be out in a second”.
You listened to Eunjin move downstairs, heart beating wildly in your chest. It didn’t calm down until you heard the door open and close downstairs, and the house fell silent again.
“That was close”, Taehyung said, boxy grin on his lips.
He took a step towards you, and you stepped back. “Nu-uh, no more of this until tonight”, you warned him.
His grin turned into a smirk, and he looked at you with his smoldering gaze for a time. “I’ll be waiting for you then.”
You nodded, slowly, taking a deep breath to calm the wild beats of your heart. Your gaze moved to the box you had left discarded on the desk next to your laptop. “And also hide that somewhere. Eunjin will see it if I put it in her room.”
“Yes, ma’am”, Taehyung agreed. There was a teasing undertone to his voice, and you folded your arms on your chest, getting ready to scold him when he stepped closer so quickly you didn’t have time to move back. He pressed a kiss on the tip of your nose, before smiling at you with that blinding smile of his.
You stood, stunned, as he grabbed the box before walking out of the room, throwing a wink at you over his shoulder. And then he was gone, and you were left fighting your treacherous heart.
You reminded yourself that you couldn’t fall in love. You’d never be delusional enough to fall in love with him. But when he acted like that, it made it far too easy for your heart to fill with endearment. It was dangerous ground to tread.
You didn’t want to set yourself up for a broken heart.
*****
The house was dark when you stepped outside Eunjin’s room, somewhere between midnight and one in the morning. Her snores had been keeping you awake, that was true, but it mostly was the perspective of meeting with Taehyung that had kept your eyes wide open, waiting until you were convinced Eunjin wouldn’t realize you were gone.
Taehyung had been teasing, all night. All smirks and winks when nobody was watching. He had caressed your thigh under the table during the meal, unbeknownst to everyone. Everyone but you, who had been forced to clench your teeth as you had tried to ignore the effect he had on you.
As if that was likely to ever happen. He was Kim Taehyung. You didn’t think there was a world out there where Kim Taehyung didn’t have an effect on the women surrounding him. Especially when he had been your childhood crush.
His room was down the hallway, and you had to pass in front of Jeongyu’s room to get there. Luckily enough, Jeongyu had lent his room to your parents for the weekend, and you knew your father’s loud breathing was going to cover the creaking of the hallway as you tiptoed towards Taehyung’s room. You could only hope your mother wouldn’t need to go to the bathroom while you were with Taehyung.
Yet… the possibility of getting caught… it made you feel hot, in some way. Because you were breaking rules. You, the perfect daughter that had never done anything she shouldn’t…
It was way past time to be imperfect.
You reached Taehyung’s room, heart beating wildly against your ribcage. You knocked, a gentle knock that probably hadn’t even sounded on his side of the door. Yet the door slowly opened, and Taehyung’s face appeared in the crack between the door and the wall. His eyes shone brightly, expectantly, and as soon as he focused on you, he opened the door for you to walk in.
Needless to say, he very carefully shut it behind you, as you took a few tentative steps in his room.
“You…” you breathed, a little louder than you had first intended.
“Shh”, he shushed you. He walked to you, gently grabbing your arm to make you turn towards him.
You obeyed, because you always obeyed whatever Taehyung told you to do, and you found yourself facing him. Well, tilting your head back to look up at him, as he stood closer to you than you had expected him to be.
Taehyung wasn’t a particularly tall man, but when he was next to you it felt as if he towered over you, with a dangerous look in his eyes that made you gulp.
“We don’t want someone to hear us”, he pointed out, before bending down to press a chaste kiss on your lips. When he straightened, his eyes had recovered their mischievous shine. “Do you know how pretty you were tonight?”
You blushed, wetting your lips. “I wanted to look good for you.”
“I figured.” He smirked, slowly nodding his head. He then grabbed your hand, looking around his room. “How do you like it?”
You liked it very much. Indeed, Taehyung had lit up candles all around his room, creating a romantic ambiance that made you want to be closer to him. To be entwined with him until you forgot where you ended and where he started. From the look on his face, you knew he wanted that too.
It was then that you realized he was highly likely to take your virginity tonight. Not that virginity was something that mattered, it really just was a social construct. But Taehyung was going to take it tonight, whatever it was, and heat immediately pooled at your core at the thought of it.
“It’s pretty”, you breathed, catching his gaze again.
The candles casted flickering lights on the side of his face, making his honey skin glow with warmth. You reached between you, brushing a stand of hair behind his ear. He carefully observed you as you did so, and you wondered if he could see your heart beating in your chest.
It really did feel like it was about to break free of your ribcage.
“It’s going to be prettier when you’re tied up on my bed.”
Taehyung’s words entirely stopped your heart in your chest. They killed you right on the spot, and maybe that was the reason why you found yourself grabbing the collar of his shirt, pulling him into your embrace.
Taehyung’s lips crashed against yours, and your whole soul caught fire. You let out a breathy sound, and he swallowed it hungrily as he grabbed your waist, pulling you flush against him. His body was solid, beautiful, against you like that, and you let your hands fall from his collar to his shoulders, before moving them to his chest. His heart was beating wildly under your fingertips, and you breathed out a moan again as one of his hands cupped your ass.
“Happy birthday to me”, he said, barely even pulling away to speak the words. No, his lips moved against yours in the shape of his words, and it made you chuckle shyly.
“Happy birthday”, you echoed, and the kiss turned sweeter. Slow, steady, like he had been kissing you that first time at your place.
Taehyung tentatively swiped his tongue at your bottom lip, tasting you, and you parted your lips to suck on his tongue. You could tell he liked it, and the sweetness of the kiss almost immediately returned to its previous fire, with Taehyung pushing you back towards the bed.
You sat on it, mostly because the back of your knees had hit the side, and you looked up at Taehyung, eyes round and innocent as he towered over you.
You couldn’t believe this man would be the one to fuck you for the first time.
“I want to tie you up”, he breathed, and his eyes shot to the headboard of the bed.
You followed his line of gaze, only noticing that he had already tied the silk ropes to it. All that was left to complete his fantasy was you, lying in his bed.
“But I need to undress you first, mmh?”
You were pretty sure blood had rushed to your cheeks again, but you didn’t have time to contemplate on it before he pulled his shirt over his head, and your gaze fell to the strong planes of his body. In this lighting, he looked sharper, as if he was made of glass. You could only hope he wouldn’t break under your fingers.
But then again, you were pretty sure you were the one likely to break when Kim Taehyung was looking at you like that. With pupils blown wide in his dark eyes, making them look like black pits in the middle of his face. His familiar lips kept the sight from being terrifying, but a tiny part of you knew you ought to be afraid.
You ignored it with all the lust in your heart.
Once his shirt was off, Taehyung started working on his belt, undoing it with skilled fingers as his gaze never left yours. You found it hard not to look away, but you knew Taehyung loved his eye contact. So you focused on him, even as his belt came undone. He dropped it to the ground, and the loop hitting the ground made a thumping sound that took you by surprise.
It was loud, in the silence of the night, and you could only hope no one had heard.
His pants were soon to follow, pooling around his ankles, and you couldn’t keep from looking down as the distinct motion of him stroking his dick caught in your peripheral vision.
Your eyes dipped down and his dick was free, half soft, yet he was pumping it slowly. Heat pooled at your core, and you moved closer to the edge of the bed.
Taehyung took a step towards you, and you didn’t even hesitate before going right in, licking at his head.
His eyes were shut when you looked up, and you took that as a cue to start working on him, just how he had shown you to. You wrapped your lips around the head, using your tongue to play with the sensitive spot at the back of the head, and you replaced his hand at the base of his dick with one of yours. That hand immediately started stroking him, with the perfect pressure, and you sucked on the head before starting to bob back and forth to the same rhythm, eyes looking up until Taehyung’s eyelids finally fluttered open to reveal his lustful gaze.
“Fuck”, he whispered, in that low baritone voice of his that made you go crazy inside.
You shut your eyes as he bucked his hips, hitting the back of your throat with his cock. It had turned harder in your mouth, and you gagged around it. Taehyung gently caressed one of your cheeks, willing your eyes to open until you met his gaze.
His gaze looked different, now. Still dark, but shining from within. Perhaps because of the candles, and of their soft glow on his honey skin. Or maybe it was the emotions in their depths. Emotions you couldn’t interpret, didn’t understand, but that made you pull away.
Sucking his dick while he was looking at you like that felt too weird.
“I should be the one going down on you”, he murmured. “Especially with all I have planned for you tonight.”
No sweetness coated his words. Just pure filth, and really it contrasted deeply with his soft eyes. Yet it made you gulp, and you slowly nodded your head, before standing up. Your hands instinctively rested on his chest, and his large ones found your waist. He pulled you in, going for a kiss that landed at the corner of your mouth. You barely felt its warm caress, especially not as his hands found their way under your shirt. He started drawing circles on your skin, gently, and he kissed the other corner of your mouth.
You breathed out, and he swallowed it as he pressed his lips against yours, moving them slowly. It was a steady rhythm you knew too well, one that had started feeling like home after the first few times you had hung out with Taehyung in the secrecy of your relationship.
He pulled away, offering you a small smile as he pulled your shirt over your head. You shivered without the fabric on your skin, nipples perked up in the space between you two. Taehyung glanced down at them, and his smile turned appreciative as he cupped your breast with one of his big hands while the other one worked to get you out of your shorts. Once they pooled around your ankles, you stepped out and closer to him, pressing your chest against his until he let your breast go to hold you flush against him.
He kissed you again then, wilder, with all the fire he had kissed you with earlier. It was hot, and you wondered if you would melt under his skilled digits. So hot he seared a mark on your lips each time his mouth moved against yours. You met him with the same fire, offered him that same passion, as you focused on the space between you. On where his dick was trapped between your bodies, standing proud and tall.
And very hard.
You moaned in his mouth, and Taehyung cupped your ass, before slapping it once. Still he didn’t pull away, and the breath in your lungs became scarce, yet you didn’t care. You would die kissing him if you had to.
There was no better way to go than kissing Kim Taehyung.
Unfortunately, he probably thought otherwise, because Taehyung pulled away, sucking in a sharp breath as your eyes fluttered open.
“On the bed, princess”, he said, gesturing behind you.
So it was time. You gulped, nodding, before climbing on the bed, nestling yourself in the pillows at the headboard. Taehyung kneeled in front of you, large hands grabbing your ankles. He caressed his way up your legs, up to your knees, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind his touch, before going back down to your ankles. He only then pulled on you so you were in a lying position.
The male chuckle he let out told you he had caught sight of the pooling wetness that had already soaked through your panties.
“You’re already so wet, aren’t you?” he said, baritone voice carrying to your ears in the silence of the night.
He had whispered the words, just for you to hear, yet they had sounded so loud. Loud and clear, and you instinctively brought your thighs together, looking for some friction.
“Don’t”, he warned you, before spreading your legs wide open. “I want to taste my birthday gift before I fuck it into oblivion.”
A shiver of pleasure ran up your spine.
“Please do.”
He smirked, tilting his head to the side. A predator eyeing its prey.
“Oh, I will. Should I tie you up first?”
He didn’t let you answer the question. Instead, he dove in, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the place where your juice was already soaking your panties. You would have moaned out loud had you been alone and not in his family home. Instead, you let out a breathy sound, something that resembled more of a whine.
Before he continued, Taehyung pulled your panties down your legs, observing you through half-lidded eyes. You held his gaze, giving in to his fantasies, but once his mouth found your pussy again, tongue dipping between your lips, your eyelids fluttered shut.
You bit down on your lip, hard, trying to hold in your sounds, as your hand flew in the space between you, finding a handful of his hair to hold onto. He let you do it as he made out with your pussy, his deep chuckle making your nerve endings light up.
Once he got tired of his tongue inside of you, Taehyung focused on your clit, flicking at it unforgivably, establishing a harsh rhythm that he soon accompanied with a long finger curling inside of you. It stretched your walls, but just a little. Nothing like his dick would.
The thought was enough to make you clench against him, and Taehyung hissed.
“Relax, princess, I want to be able to fuck you”, he said, before going back to your clit. This time, he moved slower, and your walls released him, enough so that he added a second finger. The combination of the two fingers spreading you wide open and the slow steady flicking on your clit had the corners of your vision turning blurry, until all you could focus on was his face between your legs.
He looked devilishly good down there.
“Tae…” you breathed out.
He glanced up at you, his lustful gaze burning into yours, and you felt an orgasm forming on the horizon of your conscience. It hit you head on when he pushed a third finger inside of you as he sucked right on your clit, teasing the bundle of nerves with the tip of his tongue.
Your eyes shut as you came, and your thighs tightened around his face. He worked you through your high, slow and steady, before pulling out of you once he was sure he had milked the last of the orgasm out of you.
It took a moment for your gaze to find his again, and you almost wished it hadn’t. Because Taehyung was holding the small leather whip now, and he ran it up your side.
“Can I use this on you?” he asked as he traced the shape of your breast, before caressing your nipple with it.
You held in the moan, or maybe the curse that had taken shape on your lips.
“Not to hurt you”, he said, almost like a promise.
“I don’t think I can stay silent if you use that on me”, you admitted, cheeks burning with the afterglow of your orgasm.
He pouted, looking at the whip, before slowly nodding his head. “We’ll have to save it for when we’re back in Seoul.”
You wet your lips, nodding before sitting up in his bed as he threw the whip to the side. He must have dried his hands of your juice at some point, because when Taehyung cupped your cheeks to kiss you slowly, his fingers were dry. Dry and gentle, yet he held you firmly, running his thumbs on your skin.
You reached between you, aiming blindly for his dick, and Taehyung jumped as you found its velvety softness, wrapping your hand around the base before pumping him a couple of times. He pulled away then, chuckling.
“You’re such a good girl”, he praised.
You melted under the praise, gripping him tighter until his gaze had turned even darker. You only understood what that meant for you when he grabbed your hand, pulling it away from him.
Away from him and towards the silk rope on one side of the headboard.
“You…” you let out, as he started tying you up with skilled fingers.
“I don’t want you touching me”, he murmured. “This is all about what you feel.”
“I like touching you”, you complained, with a little whiny voice that had him offering you a soft smile.
“I’ll let you touch later.” He held your gaze, before kissing your lips softly once. “Unless you are uncomfortable with me tying you up.”
As much as being tied up for your first time felt weird, it also felt right. Right because Taehyung was home, and you trusted him.
You knew he would untie you the moment you looked uncomfortable.
“No, it’s okay”, you said, offering him consent. “Just don’t tie it too tight.”
He smiled softly, pecking your lips another time. “I would never.”
He then guided you until you were lying down, before tying your other wrist on the other side of the headboard. The position was strange, but it didn’t hurt, and he had given you enough slack in the rope so you could pull on the restraints a little, keeping it from being painful for your shoulders.
Once that was done, Taehyung moved away until he was standing, and your eyes followed him carefully as he reached for condoms in his bedside table. He put a condom on, stroking his dick up and down a few times to make sure it was well in place, before moving back between your legs.
He was big. His large head stretched the condom thin, and you looked down at him as he positioned himself next to your entrance.
He caught your gaze, offering you another one of those sweet smiles of his. The ones that tugged his lips downwards a little, yet you knew they held happiness.
Or whatever happiness he could find in the act of having sex with you.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, holding your gaze.
You didn’t answer right away. Instead, you watched the shadows that danced on his features from the flickering light of the candles. He waited as you remained silent, patiently, hand still wrapped around the base of his dick.
Taehyung felt like home. Look like it too, familiar features that you had come to know growing up. He felt like innocence and nostalgia, in the right way. Even though the act you were about to do held nothing innocent.
“Yes.”
You had never been more sure of anything in your life.
Taehyung nodded slowly, and his gaze turned dark again. The sweetness was entirely gone from his face when he started pushing in, and you instinctively pulled against the restraints at the burn.
“Easy”, he whispered once the head was in. He let go of his dick, running soothing hands on your sides. “It will hurt a little at first.”
Your eyes fell shut as he kept pushing in, stretching you wider than his fingers ever had. It did hurt, a little, but mostly it felt strange. You focused on the strangeness, letting the pain go as he continued his way in, up until he reached your cervix.
That part hurt like a bitch, and you let out a small yelp of pain.
“Are you okay?” he asked as he pulled out.
“Sorry.”
“Are you okay?” he repeated, completely ignoring your apology.
You nodded slowly, but refused to meet his gaze.
“Look at me”, he murmured, and one of his large hands cupped your cheek.
Your eyes fluttered open instinctively. He was ethereal, kneeling between your legs, hair falling in his gaze. You tried to move the strand away, but the silk rope held you in place.
“Do you want me to untie you?” he asked.
“No”, you answered, with a small voice. “Can you go in again?”
He remained silent, but he obeyed, pushing his dick inside of you once more. You held his gaze until he bottomed out again, and the pain shot through your nerves. It was a little less this time, but still there nonetheless.
“I’m hurting you”, he stated.
You shook your head. “It’s just…” you trailed off, swallowing audibly. “It hurts when you are all the way in.”
He pulled out a little, and the sensation dissipated to nothing.
“Better?”
You nodded.
“Words”, he reminded you.
It made you smile. “Yes Tae, it’s better.”
He smiled too, before bending down. It made his dick move inside of you, but your eyes fluttered shut as he kissed you sweetly, before slowly pulling almost all the way out.
“Then I won’t go too deep for now”, he murmured against your lips. You nodded against him, before kissing him again.
It was a slow kiss, timed with the back and forth of his hips. The sensation still felt strange, not as good as what his fingers made you feel like, but it was a good kind of strange.
The kind that made your heart beat steadier in your chest as he kept on kissing you, swallowing every breathy sound you made.
It took a moment, but the sensation slowly changed, inching towards pleasure as he moved a little faster, shifting a little until he hit a different spot inside of you. It didn’t hurt, not even a little bit, but you could feel how big he was, how much he was stretching you.
You really had chosen a big dick for your first time, hadn’t you?
Taehyung moved from your lips to your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses on the skin. You moaned softly, quietly, and he picked up the pace a little. You could feel his balls slapping your ass each time he went almost all the way in, but you were pretty sure there were still a few inches of his dick out of you.
You doubted he’d ever be able to fuck you with the entirety of it. But as you slowly eased into the sensation, you pulled on the silk ropes, fingers aching to be touching him.
“Easy, princess”, he breathed on the spot under your ear. His low voice sent shivers down your spine and straight to your core, and you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer.
He reached deep inside of you. Yet this time it didn’t hurt, and you even let out a small moan that had him look up from your neck.
“Quiet”, he reminded you, before pressing a kiss on your lips. “Quiet or I’ll have to stop.”
“No.”
Your quick reply had him smirking, and he straightened until he was back to a kneeling position between your legs. His dick was still deep inside of you, where he had stilled a moment ago, and you wondered if this was still Taehyung.
If he was still the man you knew and had had a crush on. Because the next moment everything lost coherency, and the only reason why you couldn’t moan out loud was that he had pressed a hand on your mouth, holding one of your thighs with the other.
He fucked into you. Relentlessly. Pushing you to your limits, trying different angles that had you seeing stars. He was panting over you, sweat glittering on his brow with the light of the candles. But he never slowed down, keeping that same unforgiving pace that turned everything inside of you to liquid lava.
“Such a good little princess”, he breathed, and there was an edge to his voice. Maybe because he too was keeping his grunts and moans in, or maybe because he was on the verge of coming.
You couldn’t tell, and your brain had completely lost the ability to think a couple of moments ago.
“So tight”, he praised as he slowed the rhythm, and you met his gaze. “So fucking tight.”
He pushed inside of you harder, and a pained expression moved on your features. He immediately stopped, before bending down again.
“Let me untie you.”
You hadn’t realized that you were pulling on the restraints so hard, but as soon as your wrists were freed you wrapped your arms around Taehyung’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. He fucked into you again then, quick and hard and he swallowed the moans that escaped the confines of your mouth.
Your hands roamed his body, getting lost in his hair and caressing the skin of his back, until you were pretty sure you could mold his shape into mud. Until you were pretty sure you knew every little aspect of him, as his lips kept moving against yours. His tongue met yours, and he kissed you wildly, letting out a grunt that had your walls clenching against him.
“Fuck fuck fuck”, he cursed in your mouth.
You let out another breathy moan, and he pulled back to look at your face. He was so close you could count the moles on his features, and you reached to trace them, gently, as his rhythm slowed down.
“Everything okay?” you asked him, almost pensively, as he moved way too slow for pleasure to steal your thoughts again.
“You feel like heaven, princess”, he praised, and he landed a kiss on the top of your nose. “But I’m not sure I want to come yet.”
You bit your lip, before pulling him closer again. Not enough for your lips to touch, but enough for your eyelids to fall shut from the proximity. “Please come for me, Tae.”
“Fuck.” His curse held no bite as he nodded. You watched his blown pupils as he started moving faster again, until his balls were slapping your ass once more. It was a little loud, but you didn’t want to stop Taehyung from chasing his high, so you kept silent, holding your moans in as he dug his face in your neck, sucking a mark on your shoulder to keep his own moan in.
It hurt. Just a little. The kind of pain that made your nails dig in his back. Just a little. But that was enough to send Taehyung over the edge, and he cursed as he emptied inside the condom, stilling his movements deep inside of you. You could feel his dick twitching as he unloaded, and you held him close as he bit into the spot he had been sucking on.
Halfway through the ordeal, Taehyung moved his head from your neck. You barely had time to look at his glossy lips before he had them pressed against yours, and he kissed you through the remainder of his orgasm. Fast and wild and wet, with his tongue chasing yours in your mouth.
Once he was done, Taehyung rested his forehead against yours, and you breathed the same air until your heartbeats had gone steady in your chests again. Only then did Taehyung pull away, and his dick pulled free from your pussy, leaving you empty.
It really did feel empty after he had been stretching you like that.
“How are you feeling?” he asked as he rolled next to you, turning his face to look at you.
It took a moment for you to meet his gaze, and you just watched him carefully as he awaited your reply ever so patiently.
“Good”, you whispered.
He smiled, that same sweet smile that had stolen your heart when you were just a teenager. “Thank you.”
“What for?”
He looked away, eyes trailing to the ceiling. You watched the flickering lights of the candles on his profile for a time, before looking up at the ceiling too.
“For being here with me for my birthday”, he said. “But also for trusting me with your first time.”
You wet your lips, shrugging your shoulders. “I think some part of me always imagined that it would be you.”
You wanted to curse yourself the moment the words had left your lips.
“What?”
His eyes had moved back to you now, but you refused to meet his gaze. “I had a crush on you when we were younger.”
“Oh.” He remained silent for a time, and you wondered if he could hear every painful beat of your heart. “That’s cute.”
You blushed even though your cheeks were already flushed from the sex. “Cute?”
“Mmh”, he hummed in agreement. “You’re cute.”
You looked at him then, meeting his dark eyes. They were crinkling at the corners, as the corners of his lips tugged upwards on his handsome features.
“Am I?”
He nodded slowly. “Especially when I’m fucking you.”
A teasing glint had taken form in his gaze, and you rolled your eyes. “I should have expected you’d be an ass about it.”
“Hey”, he let out, and he rested a hand palm first on your stomach. “I’d never be an ass when it comes to you.”
Could he tell he had stopped your heart in your chest with that simple sentence?
“Never?”
He seemed to ponder for a time. “Not purposefully, no.”
It made you wary, and you furrowed your brows. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“That I don’t want to be an ass when it comes to you.”
You didn’t want to feel like you felt then. As if the crush had never left and was slowly blossoming into more. But he made it so damn hard.
“As much as I like hearing you say that, I should probably head back to Eunjin’s room”, you murmured, before cowering away from his gaze as disappointment filled it.
You were fleeing. You knew you were, but you didn’t have another option.
Kim Taehyung was far too dangerous for your own good.
*****
Days came and went, faster than you had ever imagined they could. Being held by Kim Taehyung felt like that: as if you were a fast car racing for the end of the street.
You could only hope the end of the street wasn’t made of a stonewall.
The rest of the Holidays had been lovely, with your family and his. You had then gone back home to Seoul, and your secret meetings with Taehyung resumed in their usual scene: him in your apartment, and occasionally you in his. You liked going to his place, and it was needless to say why: his dog was one of the cutest you had seen in your life. It was also reassuring, in some way, to know that Taehyung didn’t mind you being in his place. Even if what you shared was still but an illicit affair, being held by him in his bed while the alarm clock on his bedside table read the hour of early mornings felt just right.
You didn’t have a chance to meet up often. It made you wary, sad, and sometimes you thought yourself to be delusional. Because you wanted to see him more, wanted to share his days the way you shared his nights. The Holidays had given you a glimpse of that. A week, outside of time, where you had known you’d get to see him every day. Where he had brushed his fingers against yours when no one else looked, as if he just couldn’t resist closing the distance between you.
Months passed, and you wondered if there would be a day where you wouldn’t need to wait. Sometimes, you considered ending things with Taehyung, just because he was silent for a while. But whenever he held you again, you knew you couldn’t stop. Drugs were addictive, and Kim Taehyung was the most addictive drug this world held.
The devil through and through. Because he was sweet, giving in to your fantasies. Cuddling you when you didn’t feel like having sex, teasing you about shared memories or kissing your shoulder while you cooked food for him. Occasional meetings, yes, but all of them held feelings you had never thought you’d feel.
The months of winter passed, with icy winds carrying snowdrifts and staying in as cold reigned over the world. You worked a lot during those months, and maybe that most of all was the reason why you never found the courage to speak to Taehyung. Because even though you were growing wary, seeing him felt like a day of summer in the middle of winter, and you needed it. It wasn’t like he treated you badly. Taehyung was sweet, with everything he did. You just couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing when you weren’t together.
You knew some stuff from his public persona, but Taehyung was far more than what met the eyes of outsiders. His mind was complex, a maze you hadn’t been able to figure out. You didn’t know if you were to figure it out someday, and some part of you wondered if it would have been different, had he not become an idol. Had he stayed in Daegu, next to you. It was treacherous thoughts, so you pushed them away whenever they came.
Surprisingly enough, Eunjin didn’t notice the change in you. Or maybe she had chosen not to, and she never questioned you whenever you fell silent, or gazed in the distance longingly. It was the strangest thing to be hiding something so big from your best friend, but it had become second nature a while ago.
The month of April was pretty, in Seoul. With flowers blossoming on every street corner, and warm winds erasing the chills winter had left behind. They also eased the thoughts that held a dark corner of your heart, whenever it came to Taehyung. Shed light to the darkness, especially when Taehyung invited you over some early afternoon. It was unusual, as you always met later in the evening, but he had called you on one of your rare days off. You weren’t going to miss the opportunity.
You got ready quickly, dressing up in a black skirt that you paired with a dark cardigan over a white polo shirt. It looked preppy, a style you had realized Taehyung enjoyed. Though his clothing usually was far more expensive than yours, it still felt great whenever he complimented you for how you dressed.
Taehyung’s compliments hit differently than those of the other men around you. Not that there were a lot of men. Except for the males in your family and Jeongyu, you didn’t really talk to any men other than Taehyung.
You didn’t want that to change.
You made your way to Taehyung’s place slowly, enjoying the warm breeze the day held. The sun shone brightly, with only a few lazy white clouds streaming overhead. Birds sang their chirpy songs, accompanying the music you were bobbing your head to from the lone earbud in your left ear. You bowed at the sweet old street vendor that offered you tteokbokki, reminding you of that night Taehyung had come to pick you up. The first night something had happened between the two of you, when a whole new world had opened up to you. It plastered a smile on your lips, and you arrived at Taehyung’s place in a cheery mood.
It only swelled even more when he opened his door to you, with a matching bright smile on his own lips. He spoke your name softly, grabbing your hand and pulling you in.
You giggled as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Hi”, you greeted him, hugging him back as the fragrance of his detergent hit your nose.
It smelled just like him, and you shut your eyes as you rested your head against his shoulder.
“I’m happy you could come over”, he murmured. He pulled away from the hug, just enough to press a kiss on the top of your head. “Yeontan missed you.”
Another light giggle fell from your lips. “Yeontan?” you questioned, even if you could hear the dog barking from the other room.
“Mmh.” Taehyung nodded, and he kissed the top of your head again. “I missed you too.”
“That’s more like it.” You said it teasingly, and Taehyung chuckled over you.
“Where did you get tteokbokki?”
You had all but forgotten the little plastic bag that hung from your hand, and you pulled away from the hug to give it to Taehyung.
“Some sweet lady offered it to me while I was on my way.”
A mischievous smile spread on his lips, one you echoed as you took off your shoes to follow him in.
Yeontan was on the couch when you walked in the living room, barking happily from the cushion he was sitting on. You made your way to the little dog, picking him up to hug him against your chest as Taehyung kept moving in, towards the kitchen area. You followed him as the dog tried licking your chin, which made you laugh giddily.
If the look Taehyung offered you over his shoulder wasn’t endearing, you didn’t know what endearment was. It filled your heart with warmth, and blush crept on your cheeks.
Taehyung put the tteokbokki down on his table, before moving to grab chopsticks for the both of you. You sat on a chair, putting Yeontan down on your thighs as you watched Taehyung walk back to your side. He sat on the chair next to you, leaving the chopsticks next to the plastic bag before bending down to press a kiss on Yeontan’s head.
He pressed a kiss on your cheek next, before moving to grab the tteokbokki from the bag. It smelled delicious as he pulled the lid off, and he smiled at you as he offered you a short glance.
“Enjoying the day off?” he asked, and a second later he was digging in the tteokbokki.
You followed his lead, and the sweet and spicy flavor filled your mouth as you chewed on the rice cake. Taehyung seemed to regret his decision, fanning his mouth as a disgusted scowl formed on his features.
“Why is it so spicy?” he asked after he swallowed.
You let out a small laugh. “It’s always spicy”, you reminded him.
He narrowed his eyes in suspicion, and you gently shoved him in the shoulder.
“Actually”, he said after a short moment of silence. “I have something I wanted to ask you.”
“What’s up?” you asked, without thinking more of it.
You were in a good mood after all. But when Taehyung didn’t reply right away, only watching you carefully, you turned your head towards him, putting the chopsticks down on the bowl.
“Is something wrong?” you asked, voice smaller all of a sudden.
“If I asked you to pretend to be my girlfriend for a dinner, would you say yes?”
You sucked in a breath, eyes going a little wide. Your heart skipped a beat, and you found you couldn’t hold his gaze.
“What?”
You could see him worry at his bottom lip as he thought, probably searching for the right words to say to convince you. “The members have been on my back about being single for a while”, he said carefully. “I just want them to stop.”
You could understand where he was coming from. People, mostly your family, often annoyed you about being single, about not having someone in your life. It got on your nerves sometimes, but ever since you had started seeing Taehyung, you had found that you didn’t mind all that much when they asked you questions. You only had to let your thoughts diverge towards the arms of the man sitting next to you and the annoyance disappeared.
But the word ‘pretend’ in his mouth sounded bitter. Sour, as if it had gone bad before leaving the confines of his beautiful mouth. Or maybe it was just the wariness that had been lurking at the back of your mind that suddenly grew stronger.
Taehyung was looking at you. With a small pout on his lips, an expectant look in his eyes. His cheeks were a little puffed up, and for a moment you wanted to reach out and pinch them. You resisted though, keeping one hand on the table and the other on Yeontan’s back. To calm the itch in your fingers, you scratched the dog, and your eyes moved away from Taehyung.
“For a dinner?” you asked.
Taehyung must have thought that meant yes, because a boxy smile made its way to his lips, making his whole face shine just like the world outside was shining. “Tonight, yeah. Jimin invited all of us over.”
“Tonight?” you repeated, eyes going round once again. “Tae, that gives me no time to get ready!”
He wet his lips, before glancing at you. “You look gorgeous, princess.”
You couldn’t say no. You couldn’t say no to his sweet face and his sweet words. You were pretty sure he could get you to crawl in mud if he wanted to.
“Tae…” you trailed off, and a small pout formed on your lips.
He echoed it with one of his own, and he murmured your name with a low voice that sent a shiver down your spine. It reminded you of the way he whispered it against your skin whenever you were entwined, and really, you couldn’t say no at all.
“What do I get in exchange?” you asked, looking down at Yeontan as you pet him.
“I’ll let you go on a shopping spree with my card?”
The suggestion made a small laugh bubble in your chest. “Tae, I can pay for my clothes myself.”
You glanced at him, but his eyes were looking at the tteokbokki as he furrowed his brows, lost in thoughts. “I can buy you food?”
You rolled your eyes. “Why do you think I want a gift?”
“What else could I give you?”
Your heart felt strange in your chest again. You. For real. You wanted to say it, but something kept you from doing so. All you could do was shrug as you looked away. Until Yeontan moved under the palm of your hand.
“You could let me have Yeontan.”
Taehyung gasped. “My dog? Never.”
“Then don’t make me pretend to be your girlfriend.”
“Please?”
You rolled your eyes again, before offering him a small smile. “I’ll just steal Yeontan without you realizing. But I’ll go with you.”
He smiled brightly. “I’ll ignore the threat, but I won’t forget it.”
He planted a kiss on your cheek, before grabbing more tteokbokki. You followed his lead, watching his profile carefully. Until an idea popped up in your mind.
“You know what we should do?”
He cocked an eyebrow as he looked at you, chewing the tteokbokki as quickly as he could to swallow before it burned his mouth too much.
“What?”
A wicked smile grew on your lips. “We should get matching outfits.”
His eyes widened, lighting up with agreement. “Oh, they definitely would believe us then.”
You ignored the ache that formed in your heart at his words as you nodded your head.
“You’re a genius”, he complimented you.
Your wicked smile melted softly. “Doing my best.”
And as Taehyung offered you one of his iconic grins, you realized that you cared about him far more than you even thought possible. Because his happiness made you happy.
Dangerous grounds to tread for sure.
*****
Turned out Taehyung had everything in his wardrobe to match his outfit with yours after all. His pants matched your skirt perfectly, and his no-sleeves wool cardigan was similar enough to yours to give the right vibe. He also had a white polo-shirt, one that almost looked like a golf polo, that worked perfectly to complete his outfit. A black belt hugged his pants to his hips, and the smile on his lips matched yours just right.
The perfect picture of a happy couple.
The elevator leading to Jimin’s apartment felt crowded, with just you and Taehyung standing there. Your eyes had diverged to a stain on the carpet, and Taehyung watched your profile for a time as the elevator shot upwards.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
You chuckled breathlessly. “I’m anxious. I don’t know your friends. And what if Eunjin learns that I was here?”
“She won’t”, Taehyung reassured you. “She barely talks to the members. They’ll never connect the dots.”
You knew he was right. Because there was no way in hell Taehyung would have asked you if he had thought it might reach Eunjin’s ears. Still, your previous wariness hadn’t let go of you, and you were pretty sure you were about to step in the biggest mess you had ever stepped in.
“Plus”, Taehyung added, and he turned to face you and grab your hands. “They’ll love you, I’m sure of it.”
“It doesn’t really matter if they love me or not”, you pointed out. “I’m probably never going to see them again.”
Taehyung remained silent, though he tried to catch your gaze as you stubbornly kept it on the floor. Once he understood you weren’t going to look up, he grabbed your chin to force you to meet his gaze.
“Let’s not think about that right now, mmh?” he murmured as soon as your eyes locked together. “We have to put on a good show.”
You gulped, glancing down at the lips you had kissed far more often than you should have. They looked just as soft as ever, and they glistened a little from when he had wet them just a few seconds ago.
“I’m not an actress like you…”
“Just follow my lead”, he encouraged. “You’ll do great, princess, I’m not worried.”
And as the elevator dinged and the doors started sliding open, Taehyung leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. It felt strange to be kissed by him somewhere else other than in your apartments, but your eyes immediately fell shut, and you let out a small sigh.
“Why am I not surprised?” a voice said from outside of the elevator.
You startled out of Taehyung’s arms, blush creeping on your cheeks. Kim Seokjin was standing outside the elevator, arm outstretched to keep the doors from closing shut.
“Hyung!” Taehyung let out happily. He introduced you, before pointing at the older man, eyes on you. “This is Kim Seokjin.”
“World-wide handsome”, Seokjin said as a way to introduce himself, a small smirk on his plump lips. “We almost thought you didn’t exist.”
You pursed your lips to keep in the nervous laugh that had almost fallen from your mouth. Because you actually didn’t exist, but they couldn’t know, right? “Nice to meet you.”
Seokjin chuckled. “Sorry, that was rude. Nice to meet you too, Y/n.”
An alarm started blaring in the elevator, startling you.
“I was on my way down to get some stuff Jimin forgot at the grocery store”, Seokjin said as he got in.
“We’ll come with”, Taehyung said, but it was useless, since the doors had already slid shut.
You were encased in silence, and your gaze slid to Taehyung. Seokjin stood between the two of you, with his face angled towards the floor. He looked sad, for a moment there, but when Taehyung asked him what he was supposed to get, the shadows lifted and his features lit up as he answered.
They talked for a time, and you tried to disappear through the carpet, not wanting to attract Seokjin’s attention. It was a failure because he glanced at you, offering you the whole of his focus. “How did you meet Taehyung?”
You really hadn’t planned this thing right, had you? Because you had no idea what to say. Taehyung looked at you, waiting for the lie you would craft, but nothing came to mind.
“Uh…” you let out, as your cheeks burned red. “We…” you paused, looking at Taehyung for salvation. He offered none, and you finally decided to settle on something that was as close to the truth as you dared to get. “We grew up together.”
“You’re from Daegu?” Seokjin asked, a soft smile on his lips.
You nodded. “My parents lived near Taehyung’s parents’ farm.”
Seokjin nodded, before starting to talk about his farmer uncle. You didn’t really have a chance to plug in a word, and Taehyung made sure to keep Seokjin going. Probably because that way he was off your back. And it worked, the grocery store trip being filled with stories Seokjin recalled about the farm, and eventually he moved on to stories about Taehyung in their trainee days.
Seokjin was funny. With an easy smile and an easier laugh that you found hard not to share. He was nice with you, and as you were riding the elevator back up to Jimin’s place, you found yourself more at ease. Still, you didn’t really know how to act around Taehyung, but you were pretty sure it didn’t really matter.
Some couples didn’t do a lot of public displays of affection, but that didn’t mean they weren’t dating, right?
Walking in Jimin’s apartment put you back to square one, as you saw most of the other members sprawled on the couches. Three girls were sitting with the members, and you could hear two women’s voices coming from what you could only assume was the kitchen, along with the unmistakable voice of Jeon Jungkook.
Most of all, every pair of eyes had turned to you, and you were pretty sure none of them were looking at Taehyung or Seokjin. No, it really felt as if you were the center of attention, and you hated it.
Until Taehyung stood closer to you, his large hand gently taking a hold of yours. He reassuringly brushed the back of your hand with his thumb, and you glanced at him. He had a soft smile on his lips when your gazes locked, but he quickly moved his attention to the group.
“Hey”, he simply said, and conversations immediately resumed, as if silence hadn’t been reigning a moment ago.
Hoseok, Namjoon and Jimin moved to you, hugging you as Taehyung did the introductions. Yoongi waved at you from his spot on the couch, and you waved back, eyes trailing to the girl at his side. She waved you over, and Taehyung tightened his hold on your hand before letting you go.
With cheeks burning, you moved towards the girl. She moved closer to Yoongi, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder so she could cuddle into his side. You sat in the spot she had left for you, next to another girl that offered you a bright smile as you glanced at her.
“I know this might be overwhelming”, she said secretively. “When Namjoon got me to meet all of them, I almost thought I was going to die from the anxiety.”
You could understand.
“But you fit right in!” Yoongi’s girlfriend happily said. “And I’m sure…” she trailed off and you figured out she was waiting for your name. You offered it to her with a shy voice. She repeated it, before continuing, “I’m sure you’ll fit right in too.”
You could only hope they didn’t notice your discomfort because you were caught in a lie. “Thank you”, you breathed, meeting Taehyung’s gaze from across the room.
At the looks Jimin and Hoseok threw at you, you could only assume they were talking about you. Taehyung offered you a reassuring nod of his head, along with a small smile he reserved just for you. Then Namjoon said something, and Taehyung looked away, forcing you to go back to the conversation around you.
The girls offered an easy conversation, one Yoongi participated in with ease. That most of all brought you back to the ease Seokjin had raised in you, and you even found yourself enjoying their company. Hoseok’s girlfriend was just as nice, though she didn’t stay long, claiming she had to help Jimin’s girlfriend, Jungkook and his own girlfriend in the kitchen. Seokjin followed her, which left you with the rest of them.
Soon enough, Taehyung, Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon moved back with you, and conversation flowed easily in the group. Surprisingly enough, no one really asked you any questions about you and Taehyung. They all just joked around, and shots of soju were passed around the group.
Min Yoongi surprised you the most out of all of the members. For some reason, you had expected him to be shy and cold, but he was all smiles and excited, participating in the conversation with everyone, even leading it sometimes. He was cute, and his girlfriend looked at him with soft eyes that made you jealous, in some way.
Because even though you were looking at Taehyung like that, it was an act. It couldn’t be more than pretending. Indeed, he really had just asked for it to be for one dinner. Nothing more.
You could hope, though. Because he acted around you with ease. Holding you close, kissing the top of your head or holding your hand whenever he could. When he pulled you up to your feet as you were moving to the dining room, he even kissed you in front of everyone, holding you by the waist with his large hands. When he pulled away, you found yourself unable to hold his gaze, instead busying yourself with pulling invisible lint off his cardigan.
It didn’t go unnoticed to him. The way you avoided his gaze. You knew because his hands tightened on your waist, as if he could bring you back to your senses. But your heart was aching in your chest, as it had been throughout the day, whenever you remembered that it was all fake.
“Are you okay?” he asked, voice low just for you to hear.
The living room had emptied a moment ago, and you felt comfortable to speak up. “I can’t do this, Tae…”
He pursed his lips. “You’ve been doing great.”
“But I hate lying.” You looked up once, before quickly shying away from his gaze again. “They all look so happy for you.”
“Which means it’s working”, he pointed out.
A question took shape in your mind, and you shut your eyes tightly trying to avoid saying it.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, and he sounded a little exasperated.
“Why do you want this to be fake?” you enquired, and courage made its way to you, enough so that you met his gaze with a harsh look on your face. “I’ve been thinking about it all day and I don’t understand why you want to pretend.”
You wondered if he would answer truthfully. If he would finally let you see some part of the mystery that clouded him. Instead, he scoffed, looking over his shoulder.
“We can talk about it later.”
“Don’t dismiss me like that”, you said through gritted teeth.
“Y/n, Taehyung-oppa!” a female voice said from the hallway.
You tried to loosen the expression on your features as Jungkook’s girlfriend came into view. You didn’t know if you succeeded, but Taehyung’s cheerful tone as he told her you were on your way worked well enough, and the tattoo artist turned back on her heels.
“Now, let’s just pretend for a little longer and then we can talk”, Taehyung said to you, letting go of your waist.
“Please stop being so…” you trailed off, motioning between the two of you.
“So what?”
You met his gaze, letting out a long sigh. “Stop acting as if you’re in love.” And really, he wasn’t even acting all that different from what he usually acted like with you. It was pretty much the same, and that most of all was killing you. Because then it meant that the way he had carried himself in all those secret meetings meant nothing, even though you had been telling yourself the opposite for so long.
“How else can they believe me?”
“I don’t know, Tae, but I really don’t like it.”
He scoffed. “You’ve been a blushing and smiling mess, don’t tell me you don’t like it.”
“That’s exactly my point, Tae.”
You didn’t wait for him to say something else, instead moving around him to make your way to the dining room. You didn’t want to lose your cool, and you knew damn well a moment longer in that living room would have led to you bashing Taehyung’s perfect teeth in.
He was oblivious. Or you were just a game for him to play.
A game he had become a master at.
*****
Later that evening, you found yourself lingering at Jimin’s place, along with Jungkook and his girlfriend. Seokjin had left first – it was easy to know why. He was the only one that was unaccompanied, and that same sad look you had seen on his features in the elevator had come back frequently, as the evening had unfolded.
Whoever Kim Seokjin was longing for, they had broken his heart to pieces.
Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and their partners had all left since they had early plans the next morning. Unfortunately for you, you were off from work tomorrow too, and didn’t have any excuse to give everyone as to why you needed to leave. So you stayed, even if the atmosphere between you and Taehyung had turned cold after your conversation in the living room.
He had continued his act after, even though you had asked him not to. You were aware you probably looked like an angry girlfriend, so you had tried to relax. Had let him do what he thought he had to, but focused on the conversation with the other girls. Mostly Jungkook’s partner, as she had been the one sitting next to you.
The tattoo artist had bright eyes. They shone brighter whenever Jungkook was close to her, and sometimes you thought you saw stars in her eyes. Mostly, the celestial bodies were visible when she was gazing at the man she loved, and he echoed them with galaxies in his own gaze.
Another reminder to you that for all the feelings you had for Taehyung, you would never be allowed to look at him that same way. Because you were aware that the hurt and the anger were coming from feelings. Affection you had been trying to push back to the very back of your mind, but that had refused to be forgotten all throughout the day. It was easy to ignore it when it was just you and Taehyung but pretending around other people was wrong.
And a mistake through and through.
You were glad when Taehyung let you out of his sight, after most of everyone had left. Jimin’s girlfriend had to go back home to call her mother on Facetime, and the boys were currently in the living room, joking around as long-time friends usually did. That left you alone in the kitchen with Jungkook’s girlfriend, and she sat on one of the high stools at the island as you washed the dishes.
Taehyung had done most of it earlier, but the dessert dish had been forgotten on the stove, so you decided to busy yourself by taking care of it. Mostly because Jungkook’s girlfriend had been looking at you curiously, as if she knew the secrets you had been keeping.
“Something happened between you and Taehyung-oppa?” she asked.
You startled, glancing at her before shrugging your shoulders. “Happens sometimes, doesn’t it?”
She pursed your lips, before slowly nodding. “Yeah.”
An awkward silence moved between you, as you focused back on the dish.
“I…” she started, but she never finished the sentence.
You looked at her again, this time catching her gaze.
“We didn’t really fight”, you admitted.
The truth had come out so easily your eyes widened.
“I know.” She did. You could tell by the way a careful look moved on her features. “Taehyung told Jungkook.”
You sighed, gaze dropping to the floor. You grabbed a towel to dry your hands, before leaning against the counter, folding your arms on your chest. “What did he say?”
“That he was tired of being laughed at.” The girl looked away from you, as if she felt bad to be the one telling you. “He and Sanghee had a really complicated story, and the boys have been trying to get him to move on from her.”
You had no idea who Sanghee was. Some part of you thought to ask Eunjin, but you knew that wasn’t even a possibility. The only person you could ask was Taehyung, and you weren’t convinced you even wanted to speak to him right now.
“By laughing at him?” you asked.
Jungkook’s girlfriend chuckled. “Not really, no. Mostly, they kept telling him to put himself out there. To go out with the girls that ask him out and stuff like that. He kept refusing saying he didn’t need it, then said he was dating someone earlier today. Then he brought you here.”
You didn’t really know if Taehyung had told Jungkook you weren’t really dating. So you chose to remain silent, as Jungkook’s girlfriend looked down at her glass on the island in front of her.
“I think I’m only telling you because Jungkook and I had a similar situation”, she continued. She then seemed to think better of it, meeting your gaze. “Well, it wasn’t all that similar. But Jungkook’s ex almost came between the two of us…” She shrugged, pursing her lips. “But I think you should tell Taehyung how you feel.”
“We’re dating”, you lied.
Jungkook’s girlfriend cocked an eyebrow prettily, letting out a small laugh. “You are not.”
You almost wanted to be angry at her for pointing it out, but she offered you a kind smile that only made tears prick at your eyes. You turned away from her, resuming your work on cleaning the dishes.
“But you could be if you actually talked to him”, she added. “I have a hard time believing that everything he’s done today is an act.”
You found it hard to believe too, yet you knew it was the truth. Because you could feel that Taehyung had changed after your fight in the living room. Even if he still was clingy, he was cold.
Kim Taehyung had never been cold to you before. No, ever since that night you had told him what you had, under the star-filled blanket of the night sky, Taehyung had always been warm when it came to you.
You were pretty sure it was coming to an end now.
“Taehyung is an enigma”, you pointed out. “He’s been that way since we were kids.”
Nothing interrupted the silence in the kitchen for a moment, except the sound of the water sloshing as you washed the dish through tears in your eyes. Jungkook’s girlfriend remained silent, so much so you almost thought she had left. But she seemed like the kind of girl that would stick up for someone else, and you were pretty sure she wouldn’t leave you alone right now.
It seemed you had judged her character well, because a second later she appeared at the corner of your vision. You glanced at her, and she offered you a gentle smile. “Jimin said he was going to take care of washing that.” She put a hand on your wrist, until you had let go and she could dry your hands with the hand towel. “Just talk to him”, she said gently. “It’s surprising what a good conversation can do.”
You raised your eyebrows, slightly shaking your head. “I think I dug the grave a while ago.”
“Why do you think that?” she asked as she put the towel back on the oven’s handle before looking at you again.
“He’s my best friend’s older brother”, you admitted. “I’ve known him forever.”
Jungkook’s girlfriend nodded, but didn’t say anything, letting you choose the rhythm at which you wanted to confide in her.
“Eunjin had a party in October, and it was my first time seeing Taehyung in years.” Images of the night came back to you: the beer pong, Taehyung holding your hand, the stars outside. How you had woken up in his bed the next day. “A few weeks later, he came to pick me up after I drank a little, we kissed and then we started…” you trailed off, as your cheeks burned red. “He’s my first. I don’t know why I chose him. Maybe because I used to have a crush on him, but…” You ran a shaky hand through your hair. “But he asked me to hide the whole thing from everyone. I did because I thought what we had was enough. But when he asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend tonight, it just felt wrong. It’s been feeling wrong.”
You finally fell silent, and Jungkook’s girlfriend waited a few seconds to make sure you were done before speaking, “This has been going on since October?”
“Well, more since November”, you said, nodding your head. “Why?”
She didn’t have time to speak before Taehyung appeared in the hallway leading to the living room.
“Hey”, he said, leaning against the wall.
Jungkook’s girlfriend kept her eyes on you, as if trying to tell you something. You couldn’t read the words behind her gaze though, and you eventually had to turn towards Taehyung.
“Hey”, you let out.
Jungkook’s girlfriend was pulling at some dry skin on her lower lip when she looked at Taehyung too. “Oppa.”
“Everything okay?” he asked, eyes focused on you.
It felt as if he was dismissing Jungkook’s girlfriend, and something about the way she stiffened next to you made you wonder what she had been about to tell you. What revelation her next sentence would have held had she had the time to tell you.
Instead, she only gently patted your shoulder, before walking away.
“Don’t hurt her”, she told Taehyung, one fist on her hip and a finger pointed at him aggressively.
Taehyung widened his gaze, but she was gone before he had time to reply.
“What’s wrong with her?” Taehyung asked as she disappeared. He pushed himself up from the wall, before taking a few steps towards you.
You shrugged. “I like her.”
“I usually like her, but she was weird tonight.”
Was she the only one that had been weird? Everything about the evening felt weird and wrong to you.
“Mmh”, you let out, turning away from Taehyung as he stopped next to you.
He murmured your name, hand shooting in the space between you… but he never touched you, letting his arm fall back at his side. “Do you want to go home?”
You nodded, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah, I think it would be better.” You sighed, folding your arms on your chest again.
Taehyung leaned on the counter next to you, hands disappearing in his pockets. He watched you carefully, with that deep gaze of his. You couldn’t resist glancing at him, and your heart stopped in your chest at the look on his features.
He had no business looking at you like that when you were alone.
“I shouldn’t have asked this of you”, he said, voice barely above a whisper.
You gulped, immediately looking away. “It’s whatever, Tae.”
“I’m sorry I was an ass earlier”, he continued, ignoring your words.
It brought you back to the night of his birthday, when he had said he’d never be an ass when it came to you. Had he only said that to ensnare you further?
You had never thought Taehyung would be the kind of man to make promises he couldn’t hold.
“You weren’t an ass”, you said, shrugging your shoulders. “You asked me something and I said yes. I’m the stupid one that let it get to my head.”
“But this didn’t start today, did it?”
“Can we talk about this at home?”
You met his gaze, holding it until Taehyung finally gave in, nodding his head. “Alright.”
You said goodbye to Jungkook and his girlfriend, in the living room, before moving towards the door. They walked you to the door, telling you that Jimin had gone to his girlfriend’s place across the hall, and that they’d say you had to go. Jungkook’s girlfriend hugged you before you left, whispering encouragement in your ear. You exchanged phone numbers, even as Taehyung seemed a little weary next to you, and soon enough you were on the way.
The elevator ride down to the underground parking lot was spent in a tense silence. So was the car ride, and you pulled at dry skin on your bottom lip so much you could almost taste the metallic tang of blood on your tongue.
It was only when you were standing in Taehyung’s hall that you finally turned towards him.
“Can I ask you a question?”
He tilted his head to the side, mouth parted just a little. Just enough for his tongue to dart out and wet his lips. “Yeah?”
“Who’s Sanghee?”
He immediately froze. One hand in one of his pockets, the other holding the sweater he had brought back from Jimin’s place – he had apparently forgotten it there last time he had gone.
“I knew Jungkook’s girlfriend was up to no good…”
He walked away from you, and you followed him to the living room. Surprisingly enough, Yeontan hadn’t woken up when you had walked in, and the dog blinked tiredly at Taehyung, getting up from the spot it had been sleeping in on the couch. Taehyung threw the sweater next to his dog before he picked him up, hugging him tight to his chest as he pressed a kiss to the top of the dog’s head.
“You know”, you said as he avoided your gaze, “you don’t have to talk to me about her if you don’t want to.” You looked around, surprisingly finding yourself memorizing Taehyung’s living room. “I just think it’s time we talk about what’s going on between us.”
He slowly nodded, and the motion caught your attention. “I realized earlier…” He chuckled, almost bitterly. “I hadn’t realized you were into me like that.”
You hadn’t really either. The way he said it sounded like an accusation, and you furrowed your brows. “It’s not really like I could control it. It just was too real.”
His lips were stretched in a thin line when you looked at him. “I didn’t realize…”
“So tonight was all pretend, right?” You waited till he nodded before you continued. “But what about all the times we hung out before? Was that all a lie too?”
“Why are you talking in the past tense?”
It was the first time he showed concern about whatever was between you. As if he was only now realizing that it was coming to an end.
“Because I can’t keep going on like this”, you admitted.
He sat down on the couch, and his eyes fell to Yeontan in his arms. The small dog was looking at you, tongue on the side of his mouth, head cocked to the side. You wanted to get closer and snuggle him, but for the first time in months, you didn’t want to get closer to Kim Taehyung.
“Understood”, he said, nodding curtly.
“That’s all you’re going to say?”
He focused on Yeontan on his lap, hiding his features behind his hair. “I don’t know what to tell you. You asked me to teach you about…” he trailed off, as if he didn’t want to say the words. “We never talked about feelings.”
Tears were pricking at your eyes. “So it’s just me?”
He didn’t say anything. Only pet Yeontan as the dog watched you carefully. You wondered if he could hear your heart breaking in your chest. Slowly at first, and all at once when Taehyung met your gaze.
His eyes held finality. Like the last line of your favourite song.
“What did Jungkook’s girlfriend say about Sanghee?” he asked.
You thought your blood had turned cold in your veins, and you felt an icy sheen of sweat forming on every inch of your body. “Just her name.”
Taehyung didn’t speak for a time. “She’s an ex”, he admitted. He put Yeontan beside him, and the dog made itself at home right next to him. “We dated for a few months, but…”
You clenched your teeth, waiting for what was to come next.
“When we broke up we kept seeing each other”, he continued. “Purely physical. That’s why the guys wanted me to meet someone else.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, but somehow these were the last words he spoke for a long time.
So long you figured he wasn’t going to say anything else.
“When did you stop seeing her?” you asked, with a wavering voice that made you feel weak.
You thought you already knew, but you wanted to hear it from him. Needed to hear it from him, no matter how much it might hurt.
“It…” he trailed off. “We haven’t really stopped seeing each other.”
You had been a fool to think your heart had broken earlier. Because now it was falling, heading straight to hell, and it tore your chest open. Bled you dry, as your lungs burned. Oxygen made it worse, feeding the fire until every inch of you was burning with heartbreak.
All Taehyung did was look at you. Look at you with the stupid dark gaze that had made you fall for him all those years ago, and once again these few months ago. He looked apologetic, sorry, as if he was a child that had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.
Worse, he looked like someone that had been caught cheating. But it wasn’t really cheating, was it? You hadn’t been dating. Had only been seeing each other for sex. Yes, Taehyung was a respectful man, and had never forced you to do anything if you didn’t feel like it. But you had imagined it to be more, to be him caring for you the same way you cared for him.
You had been delusional to think Kim Taehyung would care about someone else than himself.
After a little eternity, of unsaid words and unrequited feelings, you chose to go. To let him go, and to do what was the good thing for you. Preservation, maybe, even if every single part of you wanted to cross the distance between you and lose yourself in him again. Because maybe then you wouldn’t be hurting so much. Maybe then you could pretend the last few hours had never happened. Had only been a product of your imagination, a nightmare brought to life.
But nightmares were real, and it was time your feet found ground again. Ground and reality, where you could go back to living your life without the sins Kim Taehyung brought to it.
So, you looked away from him and you turned around, making your way towards the door.
“Wait, Y/n”, he said.
You didn’t stop, but he was quicker than you. Maybe because you were weak, and you didn’t really have the strength to walk away. Maybe because you cared too much, and it was slowing you down. He grabbed your wrist, turning you around and pulling you into his arms.
“I don’t want you to leave crying”, he said, wrapping his arms around your shaking frame.
Because you were crying now, sobbing with your face hidden in his chest. He gently ran a soothing hand on your back. And you wanted to curse him for it, to push him away until his heart broke too. He didn’t get to be the one to comfort you. Yet you couldn’t pull away, wanting to enjoy these last moments in the warmth of his arms.
“I really didn’t realize you cared for me like that”, he said softly. “I’m so sorry.”
It made you understand one thing: Taehyung didn’t feel for you the way you felt for him. You had been stupid to think everything would be alright. He had always been meant to break your heart.
Maybe he should have stayed a ghost in your life after all.
“You…” Taehyung started, but his voice caught in his throat.
“What the fuck is going on?”
You startled out of Taehyung’s arms, for what seemed like the hundredth time today. As if you had never been meant to be in his arms in the end. Now you knew that was true. You quickly wiped your cheeks dry, and almost wished you hadn’t when your vision cleared up.
Cleared up to reveal a red-faced Eunjin, with a plastic bag seemingly holding containers.
“What the fuck is going on?” she repeated.
“Why did you just come in like that at this time of the night?” Taehyung asked in the same reproachful tone your best friend had used.
Her eyes moved between you and her brother a couple of times before they settled on you. “Y/n, please tell me this is not what I think it is.”
“Eunjin”, Taehyung said with a stern voice. “It’s none of your business.”
“Something’s going on between the two of you and you didn’t think to tell me?” Eunjin’s voice had gone a little higher.
“What are you doing here?” Taehyung asked again.
She slowly shook her head, before putting down the bag she was holding. “Eoma asked me to bring you some side dishes and I didn’t have space in my fridge so I thought I’d drop it off.”
“You can’t just come unannounced.”
“You can’t just fuck my best friend.”
“Eunjin!” you burst out. “Whatever was between us is over.” It made Taehyung tense next to you, but he knew it just as well as you did. Wasn’t it what he wanted?
Eunjin only then realized the tears you had failed at drying. Or maybe your eyes had gone bloodshot, as they tended to do whenever you cried. “Y/n…”
“And now I’m going to go home”, you added and you continued moving towards the door.
Eunjin quickly fell into step with you. “I’m going to kill him.” She let out a bitter chuckle. “Oh he is fucking dead.” This time she scoffed. “I can’t believe he would hurt you.”
“What makes you think he hurt me?” you said as you stopped at the door to put your shoes on.
“I know my brother”, she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s the only thing he knows how to do.”
You were almost offended by what she implied. You looked behind, hoping Taehyung would be there to defend himself, but he hadn’t followed you. It hurt and burned, and you wished you could go back to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. But you couldn’t. Especially not now that Eunjin was next to you.
“The only thing he cares about is himself”, Eunjin continued, and you hated that you had yourself thought so just a moment ago. “He uses people and drops them when he doesn’t need them anymore.”
The look you threw her finally made her shut up. She offered you an apologetic smile, but you ignored it as you stepped out.
“Let me drive you home”, Eunjin gently said once you were outside.
You nodded, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall again. Eunjin noticed, and she grabbed your hand reassuringly.
“I can’t believe I lied to you all this time”, you said, brushing the tears that had spilled on your cheek.
Knowing Eunjin and the grudges she could hold, you could only hope she wouldn’t hold this one. “You know what? I suspected it. During the Holidays. But I wanted you to tell me yourself and then I just thought it was all in my head.”
You chuckled sadly. “Wasn’t in your head.”
“Unfortunately”, she grumbled, looking behind her. “But let’s not talk about it tonight.”
“Aren’t you working tomorrow?” you asked with a small voice.
She shook her head no. “This is an emergency, work can wait.”
This time, you really couldn’t stop the tears that rolled on your cheeks.
“Oh Y/n”, she said, pulling you in her embrace. “I’m so sorry.”
You were tired of Kim siblings apologizing today, but Eunjin’s arms felt a lot more reassuring than Taehyung’s had felt just a moment ago. Strangely enough, just like a moment ago, this hug was interrupted by a Kim sibling, one you really didn’t want to see at the moment.
“Y/n”, Taehyung called from the door to his building.
Eunjin turned on her heels so quickly it almost made you fall. “You go back inside”, she said, motioning to the building. “You don’t get to hurt her and then pretend nothing happened.”
“Eunjin”, Taehyung said carefully. “I just want to talk.”
“Not today, oppa.”
She had her fists on her hips, standing her ground in front of her older brother. It was all for you, and it made a small laugh fall from your lips.
The two siblings threw you a surprised look, and when you met Taehyung’s gaze your heart constricted in your chest, reminding you of the reality of heartbreak.
“What do you want, Tae?”
You had barely spoken over a whisper, but you could see him gulp in the distance. “I just want to talk”, he repeated. “Just to explain myself.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re important to me”, he said. “I can’t just let you go like that.”
“Maybe you should have decided that before breaking her heart, asshole”, Eunjin grumbled.
“Eunjin”, you said in the same scolding tone she had just used.
She rolled her eyes, folding her arms on her chest. “Don’t make me angry at you too.”
You slowly nodded, before turning towards Taehyung again. He looked pale. As if all the honey in his skin had drained, leaving only a pale shade behind. A ghost of what you knew he truly looked like. He almost looked as if this was hurting him as much as it was hurting you, and it made you want to hate him.
But you didn’t really have it in you to hate Kim Taehyung. No matter how broken and jagged the pieces of your heart felt.
“Listen, Tae”, you breathed, and you blinked away tears – who knew you were such a crier when it came to men? “I don’t really want to talk right now.”
“But…”
“Not today, Tae”, you said, echoing Eunjin’s previous words. “I’m tired, and I want to go home.”
He ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands. It made them stand on his head, and he looked somehow desperate. As if letting you go was taking its toll on him.
A little dirty part of you was satisfied at the thought that he felt bad too.
“Okay”, he let out. He shut his eyes, cocking his head to the side. “Just call me when you want to talk.”
“I will.” It was a promise, more than you wanted to give him. But the part of you that cared for him really hated that he looked hurt. Deeply, just like you were.
Why would he have run after you if he didn’t care?
It was a treacherous thought to have, and there was so much to discuss between the two of you. Feelings you had ignored so well you hadn’t even realized they were there until it was too late. Stuff he had hidden from you, or that you had never thought to ask. That you had never thought you needed to ask. You had thought what you had with him was real, in some way. Had convinced yourself so well, you had never even seen the signs that it might not be.
Was she why he hadn’t sought to see you more often? The question was poison to your bleeding heart, and you pushed it away. You would have plenty of time to think about it tomorrow, or the day after that. For now, you needed to focus on mending the broken pieces of your heart, in Eunjin’s company. Someone you never should have lied to in the first place. After all, maybe she would have been able to save you the broken heart.
But maybes weren’t going to fix the situation, weren’t they?
*****
Heartbreak did a strange thing to the world. It made it seem colourless, as if the colours had leeched from your surroundings the same way the happiness had disappeared. Everything was meek, shining in shades of a morose gray to which melancholy clung. Sleep evaded you most nights, and you spent the darkest hours rethinking the events.
Wondering where it all went wrong. What you did wrong for him to keep seeing her. Were you bad in bed? For all his praise, had he only been lying to you?
All the questions spun in your head relentlessly. You were aware that it was toxic to think about it, but Taehyung was your first heartbreak. You didn’t really know how to act, and exhaustion was clinging to you.
It had been a week since you had left Taehyung’s place. He had watched you leave, and hadn’t Eunjin been by your side you probably would have run back to him. Instead, you had only looked at him while Eunjin had been driving away, and Taehyung’s broken eyes had made you burst out crying again.
You were glad for Eunjin. She had been picking up your pieces, slowly but surely. Spending as much time with you as she could. It made you feel weak, but this was your first broken heart. You didn’t really know how to heal it, and having your best friend by your side helped.
Especially since you didn’t have to lie to her anymore. You could tell she was disappointed, that you had kept everything silent, but still she was by your side, never pushing you to talk.
She hadn’t really needed to anyway. You had told her everything the next day, even if some parts had clearly made her uncomfortable considering Taehyung was her older brother. Even through all the wincing, she had held your hand, and when you had cried, she had dried your tears. Somehow, you hadn’t been able to talk about Sanghee though. The subject hurt too much, and you had chosen to wait. It wasn’t like it mattered anyway.
You were currently lying in bed. Eunjin was next to you, scrolling on her phone. Your own cell phone had been foreign to you since last week. Mostly because Taehyung had texted you the next day to ask when you wanted to talk. Eunjin had been the one to tell him you needed more time, and ever since then your phone had been silent.
The silence was like a colourless world. Morose, melancholic, and it made everything ache a little more. Because there were reminders of Taehyung everywhere, in this world. The perks of getting your heart broken by someone famous.
You sighed, running a hand on your face.
“Everything okay?” Eunjin quickly asked, concern laced with her voice.
Your hand stalled on your face for a few seconds before you let it slide to the bed as you nodded slightly. “Just feel lonely.”
It wasn’t your first time telling her that. “I’m right here.”
“I know.”
You let out a small bitter chuckle, because she knew just as well as you that the person you wanted to see was Taehyung, and not her. Even if you loved Eunjin deeply, she wasn’t her brother.
“Do you think I should talk to him today?” you asked, turning your head towards her.
She was already looking at you, with a somber expression on her features. “Do you feel ready to talk to him?”
All week you had told her no. But for some reason, your first instinct wasn’t to say no today. It wasn’t like you wanted to wait forever; if Taehyung had something to tell you, you wanted to hear it now. Not when talking to him would reopen the wounds.
You needed to truly put him in the past if you wanted to move on from him. A conversation would offer closure, and hopefully then it wouldn’t hurt as bad.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready”, you admitted. “I just want to get it over with.”
Eunjin’s features reminded you of Taehyung. The slight pout of her lips, her eyebrows raised just a little over her eyes… she looked a little too much like him.
It made you look away, and your gaze moved back to the ceiling.
“I get it, honestly”, Eunjin said after a few more seconds of silence. “Do you want me to text him to come over?”
“Uh”, you let out, before letting out a small laugh. “While you’re here?”
Eunjin nudged you with an elbow. “As much as I’d like to murder him, I think it’s a conversation you need to have with him alone.”
“Yeah”, you agreed. “That’s what I think too.” You paused, letting out another longing sigh. “I can text him myself though.”
Eunjin sat up, and her heavy gaze on you couldn’t be avoided anymore. “I’ll keep my phone close. If you need me, you call.”
You followed her, sitting up next to her. “I will, I promise.”
She slowly nodded, before glancing at the door of your apartment. As she remained silent, you grabbed your phone from the bedside table. It felt strange in your hands, as if thinking that you were about to text Taehyung was giving you a little life again.
It wasn’t all that much that you missed him. It was more of a relief, knowing that the pain was finally coming to an end. Or to whatever end a conversation with Taehyung could lead to.
You had talked to Jungkook’s girlfriend this week. She had been sweet and had offered to meet up for coffee sometime. You had agreed, and you were set to grab coffee with her next week. It showed you one thing: even if Taehyung might be about to get out of your life, there were still other people, new people that you would meet.
Your phone scanned your features, before opening to your home screen. You sighed, clicking on the text message app. It took everything in you to open the conversation with Taehyung, and you looked up to Eunjin as the conversation appeared on the screen.
“Gosh”, you let out.
She offered you an encouraging smile. “It’s going to be okay”, she reassured you. “Taehyung is an ass, but he’s willing to talk. That’s more than I’ve ever seen him do for someone before.”
You hated the seed of hope that it planted in you, but a foolish, stupid part of you clung to it. You needed hope after all the pain. But you tried to tame the hope, to push it away. Taehyung had been seeing someone else. All that time you had imagined to be special between the two of you, he had had someone else in his life.
You weren’t sure it was something you could ever forgive him for, but you were willing to listen to him. Maybe because you had known him for most of your life, and you owed him as much. Though you weren’t sure he deserved it, after all he had done.
His explanations needed to be good.
“Did he tell you about Sanghee?” you asked her.
You had avoided her mention ever since you had left Taehyung’s place, but you needed to know. Whatever Eunjin might tell you… because some part of you didn’t even believe Taehyung would tell you everything.
“Sanghee? He told you about her?” She looked genuinely surprised.
You shook your head no. “Not really. He just mentioned her because Jungkook’s girlfriend talked to me about her.”
“They were dating last year”, Eunjin said. “Sanghee was just in the picture for his money and fame. Taehyung broke up with her when he realized.”
“Did he tell you that he kept seeing her after that?”
Eunjin’s face was unreadable for a time. “I wouldn’t be surprised.” She looked sorry. Apologetic, at having to tell you that. Because she was your best friend: you knew she wished she could tell you that Taehyung was just rainbows and butterflies. She knew him better than anyone else though, and she wasn’t a liar.
You knew she would never lie to you.
“He told me he did”, you admitted. “That’s mostly why I ended things between us.”
It hadn’t really been the only cause. Because you still were ashamed to say you had fallen in love with him while he had only cared for you for sex. You had already told her enough about your story with Taehyung, and you didn’t want to explore it further with her.
It was something that was yours and his. You didn’t want to share it with his sister too.
“You know what?” Eunjin let out. “For someone that never dated anyone, you really know your worth.”
You furrowed your brows. “I let him string me along for months.”
Eunjin cocked her head to the side, her lips stretched in a white line. “You still ended things with him. The only other person that was able to break up with him was his first girlfriend.”
You remembered her, a little. Just that she had been in the picture. You had never really met her, but you knew losing her had broken Taehyung’s heart. It had been years ago, sometime around when you and Taehyung had stopped talking to you.
“Go me”, you said weakly, and Eunjin let out a small laugh.
“Go you”, she agreed. She threw her arms around you, hugging you tight. You hugged her back, nuzzling your face in her neck. “I still want to kill him for hurting you though.”
“I might kill him myself”, you mumbled.
She laughed again, a clear laugh that did wonders to your broken heart. “You should. Teach him a lesson. It’s time he stops being an asshole.”
You weren’t really sure you would have such an impact on Kim Taehyung. Even if you had known him before he became all that he now was, you were nothing compared to him.
You pushed the insecurity away. You weren’t nothing. You were your own person, and the fact you weren’t a celebrity like him meant nothing. In fact, you were glad for it. You didn’t envy his famous status, and the scrutiny under which he was forced to live his life. Maybe he would have turned out differently, hadn’t it been for all of that.
“Now, tell him to come over”, Eunjin said as she pulled away, still holding you by the shoulders.
You nodded, and you glanced down at your phone. The screen had turned dark, and this time when it scanned your features and opened, it opened right on the conversation with Taehyung. You quickly typed a message, something simple, because you weren’t quite convinced you would still have the courage to invite him over to talk if you wrote more than a sentence.
You watched the message go from sent to delivered, and then you met Eunjin’s gaze again. “Done.”
She smiled at you. “Good. Now I’m going to get a baseball bat in case…”
“Eunjin-ie!” you exclaimed, pushing her away. “You’re the one that told me to invite him over.”
Her smile turned devilish. “I’m just saying I really want to beat some sense into him.”
“I’ll do it myself, I told you”, you grumbled.
Before she replied, Taehyung sent a message back, saying that he was on his way. You worried at your bottom lip, putting your phone away.
“So?”
“He’s on his way”, you told Eunjin.
“Damn, this is not my brother”, she whispered. She shook her head, widening her eyes in surprise before glancing at the door.
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged sheepishly. “He doesn’t act like that with girls. And I really hope he’s not only doing this because you are my friend.”
You could imagine that he would. Family was important to Taehyung, far more than it was to most people nowadays. If talking to you could preserve his relationship with Eunjin, you were pretty sure he would. But Eunjin had been entirely loyal to you, ever since last week. She had told you she had ignored his calls, and that she would until everything was settled between the two of you. And for all her complaining, you knew Eunjin cared about Taehyung just as much as he cared about her.
No matter the outcome of your conversation today, you knew she would still remain just as close to him as she’d always been. You couldn’t blame her for it, he was her older brother after all.
Eunjin left a few minutes later. Hugging you tight to her chest, telling you once again to call or text if you needed to. You reassured her, telling her that you were strong enough to do this yourself, but as you watched her disappear, you fought an unexpected wave of tears. You blinked them away, cursing Taehyung under your breath, before moving to your couch.
Where this whole thing had started in the first place. You sighed deeply, wishing you could go back in time to erase what had happened here all those months ago. But as you waited for Taehyung, you tried to think about something else. About anything that wouldn’t make your mood fall lower than it already was. You didn’t want him to know just how bad you had been doing.
Taehyung arrived a while later. For some reason, you had expected him to get to your place in no time, but it took him almost an hour. When he knocked on your door, you paused the drama you had put on as background noise, taking a deep breath to collect the little courage that you still had.
You got up from the couch, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip as you slowly walked to the door. Slowly, because you dreaded the moment you’d open it and you’d be forced to gaze at his handsome features.
Your hand was on the knob when he knocked again, and it made you jump a little. You took another shuddering breath in, and then you turned the doorknob.
The sight of Taehyung wasn’t what you had expected it would be. His hair was ruffled, untamed, and he was plainly dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a white t-shirt. His eyes avoided yours, but you immediately noticed the dark circles that painted them, making him look dreadful.
Taehyung looked just as exhausted as you felt.
A little yelp attracted your attention, and your eyes fell to the floor. Yeontan was looking up at you, and as soon as you noticed him, he ran to you, begging to be picked up.
“Hey you”, you let out, surprised to see him there. You bent down, scratching the dog’s head. Knowing you couldn’t avoid it any longer, you looked up at Taehyung.
He finally met your gaze. “Hey.” His voice was small. Deep, deeper than the ocean, but it sounded empty. Void of the warmth it usually carried.
Whatever remained of your heart in your chest constricted, aching more than you had even expected it could. You had to gulp down a sudden lump in your throat, and you picked Yeontan up to busy yourself. To give yourself an excuse to look away.
“Why did you bring Yeontan?” you asked once you were standing, the leash hanging between you and him.
He shrugged. “I thought you might want to see him.”
You looked at him for a few seconds, before turning towards your apartment. “Come in.”
He followed you in, letting the leash go so he could take off his shoes. You brought Yeontan in, putting him down on the carpet next to your couch.
“Animals aren’t allowed here”, you said, and you dug your hands in the back pockets of your jeans so Taehyung wouldn’t notice they were shaking a little.
He shrugged. “If they complain I’ll buy the building.”
You cocked an eyebrow, tilting your head to the side. “That’s a bit excessive.”
He shrugged again, before walking in. He had put on the slippers you had gotten especially for him. They were BTS slippers, and you had gotten them as a joke in January.
You smiled a little at the memory, but froze as he moved closer to you.
“I don’t care.” He stopped about a meter and a half away from you, and the distance had never felt so wide. “Just a peace offering.”
You pursed your lips, slowly nodding your head. Yeontan barked, and a small smile broke on your mouth as you bent down to pet him again.
You didn’t see it, but Taehyung looked at your smile as if it was an oasis in the middle of the desert.
“You’re lucky I love him”, you said with a tiny voice.
Taehyung stayed silent, and you just played with the dog for a time. Mostly because you wanted to avoid the conversation. As much as you needed to talk to him, or to hear what he wanted to say, you also dreaded the end of whatever it was that you and Taehyung had shared.
But you couldn’t push the moment away for far longer. Soon enough, you had to stand up straight, and face whatever Taehyung had to say.
You schooled your features into neutrality, hoping he wouldn’t see the ache behind your eyes before finally straightening and meeting his gaze.
His dark gaze looked similar to what you were used to, but something was missing. The spark that it had held before was gone. It made Taehyung look infinitely sad. You hated it, and you clenched your jaw.
“Do you want to sit?” he asked.
You hadn’t expected it. You looked at your couch, remembering everything that had ever happened there. You shook the memories away, before sitting. Yeontan jumped on the floor, begging to be put on the couch too. You couldn’t help but laugh a little, before giving in to the dog’s desire. He let out a small bark, as Taehyung sat on the other extremity of the couch.
He had the ghost of a smile on his lips, and you quickly looked away at the sight of it.
You sat in silence for a while. Not knowing where to start, not wanting to be the first one to talk. You wanted him to talk first, to tell you whatever he had run out in the night to tell you the other day. But Taehyung seemed to be struggling to find words to say. You’d let him have all the time he needed before he collected his thoughts.
“How have you been doing?” he asked.
It took you by surprise, to hear him asking that first. You wet your lips, shrugging. “I don’t think you’re here to talk about that, Tae.”
He was looking at the floor, and a glance at him showed you the way his shoulders seemed to fall forward, making him look defeated. And maybe he was, after everything.
“Sorry”, he apologized. “I just… I don’t even know where to start.”
You worried at your bottom lip. “Why don’t you start by telling me what you wanted to say last week?”
He shrugged, and there was another long silence.
“Sanghee means nothing”, he finally said. “She never really did.”
You breathed in and out once, shakily. “But you never stopped seeing her.”
“It was entirely just physical. And it didn’t even happen a lot. She called sometimes and I just went because I was bored. I have and had no interest in her ever, if I’m honest.” He shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I called her at the beginning of the week to end things with her. It was stupid that I was still seeing her”, he scoffed. “I hate that I had to hurt you to realize that, but she never even mattered.”
He fell silent, and you just watched his profile for a time. Yeontan had crossed the distance to Taehyung, perhaps sensing that his dad needed him.
“It just feels…” you trailed off. The beginning of the sentence had been accusative, and you took a deep breath to calm down. “It makes me feel like I wasn’t enough. Or not good enough.”
“Trust me”, Taehyung said, finally meeting your gaze. “It has nothing to do with that at all. I just…” He glanced down at your hands. You were wriggling your fingers, anxiously, and he looked so full of hate for himself for a time… It made him look ugly. “I can’t really justify my actions. Because they have no reasons. She asked and I didn’t really care so I went. But…” He paused, wetting his lips, searching your features for a few seconds. “It never felt with her the way it felt with you.”
“What is it supposed to mean?” you asked with a weak voice you wanted to hate yourself for.
He looked down at Yeontan as the little dog struggled to climb on his lap. “That if all the times with her could have been with you, then I would have had them with you.”
Your eyes were sad when he looked at you again. But they held no tears, and you weren’t sure you would be crying more tears for him. You had cried enough.
“You could have had them with me, Tae…”
He shut his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “I know. I realize that now. I just always thought… because of Eunjin I just…”
He was at a loss for words. That much was clear. And you didn’t know what to do to help him.
“Do you want a glass of water?” you asked as he searched for words.
His eyes fell open, and a crease appeared between his brows. “What?”
“Do you want a glass of water?”
He looked at you with an unreadable expression for a time. “Uh yes, please.”
You nodded, getting up from your spot on the couch to walk the short distance to the kitchen. You could feel the weight of Taehyung’s gaze on your back, but you didn’t look back. Instead, you focused on pouring the water from your water filter pitcher in a glass. Once the glass was full and you had no excuse left, you turned around and walked back towards Taehyung.
He looked at a random spot on your wrist as you handed him the glass. He carefully took it, and your fingers touched for a moment. You hated that it made you want to reach out and grab his hand.
He said your name, his voice barely even audible to you. “Thank you.”
You nodded your head, offering him a small smile, before you moved back to your own spot on the couch. You settled yourself comfortably, sitting angled towards Taehyung. He noticed, and he also turned his chest towards you, resting his shoulder against the couch before taking a long sip of water.
“I thought that because of Eunjin, you would never really be interested in me”, he said once he had swallowed. “And I fully understand how stupid that is, I was an oblivious ass. Or maybe it was me and I didn’t want to think about anything more happening between us…” He trailed off, and he let out a little broken chuckle that made every inch of your body ache. “But the day of my birthday. Fuck, I wanted to hate you after. But I couldn’t and I kept coming back.”
“What?” you let out.
He wet his lips, and he searched your features for a couple of seconds. “You know, when I was younger, I always imagined myself getting married. And now, when I look at myself in the future, I see myself with someone like you. Someone that knows me from before, someone that cares for me for the person that I was back then. I think that’s why I was attracted to you in the first place.”
You were stunned for a moment, unexpecting the words that were spilling from his mouth now. And he didn’t seem like he could stop anymore, as if the glass of water had helped him to finally find the words he had been wanting to say earlier.
He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “Scratch that”, he added. “I don’t see myself with someone like you. I see myself with you. With you by my side, raising my children with me. I think you’re the only one that can understand why I want five children. Because there was the five of us growing up and it was perfect. You’re the only one that I can imagine sharing my life with that way.”
“Tae”, you let out. “You can’t just say all of that.”
It stopped the words falling from his mouth. Yet his lips remained parted, and you could almost hear the echo of his voice in your skull.
He was pale. He had been pale last week, but he looked even worse today. As if he hadn’t seen the sun in a while, and hadn’t eaten well since then either. He looked crestfallen, and all the fight that you had seen in him for the last few minutes drained out of him, leaving but an empty husk of him behind.
“I was falling for you”, you said carefully. “I fell for you once when we were younger, and then all these months… it was like my teenage dreams coming to reality. And it makes me uncomfortable that all along there was someone else…” You pursed your lips, searching for words, a little like he had been a moment ago. “Was there anyone else, other than Sanghee?”
You hadn’t expected the question. Clearly he hadn’t either, because his eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. “Never. Not even once. And you have to trust me, Sanghee means nothing to me. It really was just physical. Maybe I agreed to meet with her because I kept telling myself I couldn’t be with you. Because of Eunjin, and because of who we were to each other.”
Somehow it really didn’t make you feel better. But at the same time… he wanted to be with you. He imagined himself with you in the future, like you had been imagining yourself with him. Even if you refused to admit it to yourself, you had chosen Taehyung because, to you, there was never going to be someone else than him. It had been him once, and it would always be him.
You were weak for Kim Taehyung. Had been before you had even known what it meant.
“Where does that put us though?” you questioned. “You were acting weird with me, Tae. All these months. I never could have imagined there was someone else.”
“I know.” The look of defeat on him only worsened. “I can’t show you how I was with her because I’d never treat you like that.” He scoffed. “You could talk to Jungkook. I think it’s the first time in my life he actually was angry at me. But his girlfriend… She really likes you. She told me I was a disgusting prick and that I didn’t deserve you. She said I was stringing you along…” There was silver lining his gaze now. “I never meant to string you along. I didn’t realize that I was stringing you along until I understood how oblivious I’ve been.”
You would need to tell the girl you loved her. As soon as you could. Because having her stick up for you meant more than you could ever say.
“I wasn’t all that better”, you said.
It was true. You also had avoided talking to him about how you felt. Had avoided even thinking about it as much as you could. Funnily enough, it had never been about Eunjin to you. But you could understand why it had been that way to him. Eunjin was his little sister, someone he had taken care of. He would have never done anything that could put a wedge in his relationship with her.
Except he had, and that thing was you.
“I didn’t talk to you either”, you said. “I mean.” You let out a small anxious laugh. “I didn’t want to talk to you about how I felt, because I refused to even admit it to myself. But at Jimin’s dinner, I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. The more you showed me affection, the more I felt myself sinking.”
You fell silent and he just observed you for a time, with that deep dark gaze of his.
“I can’t really blame you”, he finally said. “Yes, I could see that we both have faults in this. But…” He slowly shook his head again. “Princess, I was using you.”
“Were you?” you enquired, and your heart beat quicker in your chest. “Were you using me, Tae?”
There really were tears in his eyes. It made his gaze dim, with sadness and melancholy. “No. I wanted to see you. If I used someone, it was Sanghee. Never you. I actually enjoyed spending time with you. You remind me of a simpler time.” He wet his lips. “I really like the time we spent together.”
“I liked it too.” You could admit that.
He held your gaze. “I am so sorry.”
He truly looked sorry. In all truth, he looked like a beaten puppy. Even with Yeontan cuddling by his side, Taehyung looked like a little lost boy. He was clutching the glass of water – he had only drunk a couple of sips, and the glass was still half full. You wanted to reach between you, to run a hand through his hair soothingly…
“What for?” you asked.
He laughed bitterly. “For everything. I was everything I don’t like about me with you. And I regret it.”
Could you forgive him? You really wanted to. You wanted to forget everything had happened, but you didn’t think you had it in you.
You still were aching, imagining him in the arms of someone else.
The silence stretched between you. You didn’t know what to say, and clearly he had told you everything. He sighed, and it left his nose shakily, as if he was on the verge of breaking. Yet you could tell he already had broken, much like you had.
It was surprising to think that you had broken Kim Taehyung too. Or maybe he had done that all by myself, breaking his heart as he tore yours from your chest.
“It’s okay”, you let out. “Thank you for telling me.”
There was a dismissal in your words. He heard it just as clear as you did. He ran a shaky hand on Yeontan, who let out a small sad sound.
“Thank you for listening.” He shut his eyes once more, the perfect picture of the fallen angel. You had thought him to be a devil once. You now knew that devils ached too. Had fallen just like everyone else. “You know”, he said, and his deep voice sounded oh so tired. “Watching you walk away the other day… it felt like I was dying. It made me realize that I care for you far more than I wanted to admit it to myself. And I’m aware that I took you for granted. I won’t ask you to be mine, because it feels unfair after what happened. I just…”
He trailed off, and his gaze met yours again. He wanted you to read the words in his eyes, but you needed to hear them.
“You just what?”
“I just want you to know that, wherever you go in this world, I will always be loving you.”
A tear slipped on your cheek, free falling, the same way you were free falling. Heading straight to the ground, yet…
Yet you didn’t reach it this time.
“Tae…”
“I’m crazy for you.” He said it like he had a hard time believing it himself. “I really am. I’m sorry I fucked everything up.”
You let his words sink in for a time. It wasn’t his first time telling you he was crazy for you. He had said so, on his birthday, when he had come to talk to you in his father’s office. You hadn’t thought his words had meant more than his sexual attraction to you. But you saw it in his eyes now. You saw the way they shone in the light. With emotion and intensity and regret. So much regret.
“Tae”, you repeated. “Do you…” You searched for the right words for a time. “Do you really think all of that?”
“Yes”, he said without a beat of silence. “It took me losing you to realize it. But yes, you matter to me. A hell of a lot.”
You tilted your head to the side. “You like me?”
He looked infinitely confused, with a crease between his perfect eyebrows, and a strand of hair falling in his eyes. “I just told you I’m in love with you?”
“Say it again.”
He understood. Quite at the same time as you did.
You weren’t going to let him go. You couldn’t let him go.
“Y/n…”
“Say it again.”
“I love you, princess”, he said, and he let out a small chuckle. A tear escaped the jail of his eyelids, rolling on his cheek until it fell on Yeontan’s head.
You folded your arms on your chest, then thought better of it and you hid your face in your hands, as a small broken sob shook your frame.
“No”, Taehyung let out.
It took a few seconds, but then he was taking you in his arms, crushing you against his chest. You laughed, sadly, as tears just cascaded on your cheeks. Taehyung was shaking, as if he was cold, and you let go of your face, only to bury it in his neck. You wrapped your arms around his waist, and one of his hands found its way to your hair. He massaged your scalp gently and you let him hold you. Let him comfort you. Because you wanted Taehyung to comfort you. You wanted to be with him.
But he couldn’t be with someone else at the same time.
“Tae”, you said against his neck.
He held you tighter. “Princess…”
“You can’t see someone else.”
He let out a small broken sound. “As if I’d ever want someone else than you, fuck.”
It was your turn to hold him tighter. Until Yeontan barked, and the two of you started laughing. You pulled away, trying to reach for the dog. But Taehyung was holding your shoulders, and a second later his hands moved to your cheeks. He dried your tears, and then pulled you in.
You let out a small, surprised sound as his lips found yours. But they were just as soft as you remembered, and you immediately melted into his touch. You kissed him back, with all the hurt that you had been carrying over the last week. Until Yeontan barked again, demanding attention.
“Wait, wait”, Taehyung said, pulling away from you. “Yeontan.” He used a firm authoritative voice, yet it only seemed to make his dog go crazy even more. Taehyung let out a long sigh and was about to turn towards his dog when you ran a hand through his untamed hair.
“You look like shit”, you said, and new tears rolled on your cheeks.
His eyes widened in fake offence. “Excuse me?”
“You haven’t slept and your hair is all a mess”, you tried to explain. “I’m so sorry I made you wait for a week.”
“Hey hey hey”, he said with a soothing voice, grabbing your wrists as you were once again going to run your hands through his hair in a hopeless attempt to tame the wild strands. “I would have waited for a lot longer if it was what you would have needed. It’s okay.”
Yeontan barked again.
“Let me just…” he trailed off, letting go of your wrists so he could grab his dog. “What’s wrong?”
Yeontan just looked at him with an innocent look on his face.
“I think he’s jealous.”
“Well, let me put him in your bathroom real quick”, Taehyung said with his classic small pout.
You loved when he looked at you like that. You watched him get up and move to the bathroom, while he murmured soothing words to his dog. Yeontan let out a single bark when Taehyung closed the door behind him, but then he fell silent.
You were thankful for it, because the look on Taehyung’s face had entirely changed once he settled his gaze on you again. You gulped as he walked back towards you.
He was yours. Kim Taehyung was yours. And it was true. The part he had mentioned about children. You understood why he wanted five kids. You wanted five of them yourself, just to offer them the childhood that you had yourself lived. You hadn’t told him earlier, but the urge to do so now was stronger than you.
“Tae”, you said as he sat back next to you.
“Mmh?”
You turned, facing him with your whole body. “I want to have children with you too. You’re the only person I could imagine a future like that with. I think that’s why I asked you, when I was drunk at Eunjin’s party.”
A small smirk had moved on his lips, and it gave colour to his cheeks again. To the whole world around him too, and your heart rate increased in your chest.
“Well then we better get started, mmh?”
Your mouth fell open. “Now?”
He shrugged, before leaning down to peck your lips. “Whenever you want, princess.”
“I’m on the pill so it can’t be right now. And I have my job so we would need to plan a little more but…”
Taehyung crashed his lips on yours, interrupting your rambling and you kissed him back, grabbing his cheeks to hold him close. He kissed you hungrily, passionately, with that same fire you had gotten used to with him. Only this time, the fire didn’t burn. It was like the fire a hearth held in the winter. It was welcoming, warm and made a home a home.
Taehyung was your home. He always had been.
Your tongue swiped at his bottom lip, asking for more, and soon enough he met it with his own. You sighed in his mouth, climbing on his lap as he pulled you, holding your waist firmly. As if he was afraid you’d go.
You wouldn’t be stupid enough to go again.
You moved from his mouth to his neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses on the warm skin. Wet kisses, and you sucked on his skin as you moved lower, where the collar of his shirt hid the rest of his body from you.
“Princess…” he breathed, and it almost sounded like a moan.
You sucked on the skin again, before moving up to his lips. Capturing them in another wild kiss, as Taehyung’s hands slid from your waist to your ass.
“Do you know how much I love it when you call me ‘princess’?” you asked him as you pulled away.
He was looking at you through half-lidded eyes, and you could see the lust burning in his gaze. A fire that was about to consume the two of you.
You had stopped caring when he had told you he loved you.
“I know”, he said, and a smirk moved on his glossy lips. “I know what my princess likes.”
You bit your tongue to refrain from moaning. Because he had grinded up as he had said the words, and the prominent bulge in his pants brushed against your clit.
“Tae…”
There was a moment where you just stared at each other. Gazed at each other, with longing and lust and love. Because there was love between the two of you, even if you had tried to ignore it for all those months.
“Y/n…”
You pecked his lips once, and the hands that had been holding you up on his shoulders slid down his frame, until you reached the hem of his shirt. With no hesitation, you pulled it up his torso, and Taehyung pushed up from the couch so he could help you get the shirt off. Once his honey skin was free from the fabric, you ran your hands down his frame again, enjoying the hard planes of his perfect body. He watched you as you did so, his large hands having found your ass once more.
He squeezed your ass as your fingers glided over his ribs. “That tickles.”
You let out a small feminine laugh. The laugh only he had been able to bring out of you. “Sorry.”
You dove in once again, kissing him slow and deep, with your tongues meeting halfway. You sucked on his, and he grunted in your mouth, before letting his hands wander up and under your shirt. He pulled it up your frame, and you pulled away just long enough for him to take it off you before crashing your lips on his again.
His skilled fingers reached to your back untying your bra, but before he had been able to pull the fabric off your body, your phone rang.
You both turned your head to the device. It was face down on your bed, where you had left it earlier as you had been waiting for Taehyung.
“Do you want to get that?” he asked, right as he took off your bra.
You hesitated a few seconds, before getting up. “It’s probably your sister checking up on me.”
You crossed the distance to your bed, climbing the small flight of stairs that led to it. You sat on the mattress, letting out a small laugh as your eyes fell to your naked breasts. Your nipples were perked up, and you didn’t need to look at Taehyung to know what he was looking at.
You grabbed your phone, turning it at the same time as it stopped ringing. It was a missed call from Eunjin. A slight blush crept on your cheeks, and you quickly opened the phone so you could text her that you were okay.
Her reply came in before you had time to put the phone aside.
Does this mean you’re going to fuck my brother again?
Your cheeks were burning red when you looked up towards Taehyung. “Gosh.”
He smiled. “Eunjin?”
You nodded. “Let me just…” you trailed off as you texted your best friend that she was disgusting, adding three little dots and the winking emoji. You then shut your phone off, until only a black screen was staring up at you, before you looked at Taehyung again.
“She will probably kill me”, he said.
“She can try”, you replied from your spot on the bed. You put your phone on your bedside table, before moving until you were lying on your side, looking at Taehyung. “Why don’t you come here?”
The smirk on his lips made heat pool at your core as he moved towards you. Ever so slowly, with that same predator gait that made your blood boil inside. You bit your lip, holding in your own smirk.
Taehyung stopped next to your mattress. He undid his belt, slowly, and you shamelessly looked down as he let his pants fall around his ankles. The imprint of his dick in his pale underwear had you salivating, especially as your eyes followed it to the tip, where a wet spot indicated that precum had already leaked from his dick.
“You’re already hard for me”, you praised.
He palmed himself through his boxer briefs, cocking his head to the side. “My princess likes me hard, doesn’t she?”
You sat up, before moving to a kneeling position beside him. Because of your mattress, your mouth was at a level with his stomach instead of his dick, so you pressed a kiss under his belly button, before sucking the skin in. Totally aiming to leave a love bite there.
He hissed, one of his large hands moving in your hair so he could hold it like a ponytail. “You’re going to be a good girl and suck my dick, mmh?”
You kissed the tip of his dick, licking your lips chasing the salty taste of him. “Will you be a good boy and fuck me after?”
He let out a small laugh. “Dominant might look good on you.”
You bit into the side of his dick, softly. “Would it?” You moved to the tip, licking it. “I wonder what you would look like with me whipping you?”
His eyes went ten shades darker. “We’ll have to try.”
He grunted as you sucked him through the brief, and your saliva added a bigger spot where the precum already was. Taehyung seemed to grow tired of your teasing, because he pulled on your hair, long enough so he could pull his briefs down. His dick sprung free, and you let out a small breathy sound.
“You’re so thirsty for my dick, mmh?” Taehyung said. “You’re going to be a good girl and milk it for me now.”
You whined a little, because he was still pulling on your hair. He loosened the grip, and you immediately moved forward… only you avoided his dick, and you planted an open-mouthed kiss on the base of it. Looking up at Taehyung, holding his gaze as his cock stood hard next to your face.
“Fucking tease.” Taehyung looked angry, somehow. The cursing turned you on, and you sucked on the base of his dick, as you wrapped a hand around his length. Slowly jerking him off, never breaking eye contact. “Suck me, princess.”
You rolled your eyes playfully, but you finally gave in to his desires, pulling away just enough so you could wrap your lips around the head of his dick. You sucked on it, hollowing your cheeks as you swirled your tongue on his frenulum. A satisfied smirk appeared on his lips, and it only encouraged you to take him in your mouth, going as far as you could without choking.
“Good girl”, he praised, eyes never blinking. No, he was drinking in the sight of you, and you could tell he needed more. But you wanted him too, so you obeyed. Shutting your eyes to focus on sucking him, using your tongue to pleasure him in time with your hand as you jerked off what didn’t fit in your mouth.
Taehyung grunted, hips bucking forward just a little, but you could tell he was restraining himself. He didn’t want to fuck your mouth. Probably because he wanted to fuck your pussy all night and needed all his energy for that. The thought made you moan around the length of his dick, and he grunted louder this time.
“Fuck.”
You moaned again, swallowing around his dick as you took it as deep as you could. This time, you choked around him, and tears formed behind your closed eyelids. He pulled on your hair, until your mouth was free of his dick.
“Princess.”
You opened your eyes, looking up at him as you kept slowly jerking him off.
“I can’t believe the only dick you’ve sucked is mine, you’re so good.”
The praise made you moan, and Taehyung pulled your hand away from his cock. You offered him a confused look, but he kneeled in front of you, capturing your lips in a heated kiss.
His hands were everywhere: on your sides, on your back, in your hair. They moved to the front of your body, grabbing your breasts, pinching your nipples between his thumb and forefinger. He pinched hard, enough to hurt, but it only made you soak your panties even more.
Taehyung knew you liked a little pain. And he knew just how to hurt you to please you.
He pulled away from the kiss, replacing one hand with his mouth. He sucked on your nipple, worshipping it with his tongue as you moaned, arching your back and losing your hands in his hair. He nibbled at the sensitive bud and you shook in his hold, pleasure already building up inside of you. He chose that moment to let the other hand wander down your body, and he struggled with the button of your pants for a few seconds before it came undone, letting him dive his hand in, until he was cupping your pussy.
“You’re dripping wet, aren’t you?” he said, pulling away from your breast long enough to meet your gaze. “You’re going to come in no time.”
As if he wanted to prove his words, he sucked on your nipple again, using his teeth just enough to cause that blissful pain you had grown accustomed to. You moaned as he started pressing circles on your clit, through the fabric of your panties. You grinded in his hand, and sure enough there already was an orgasm bubbling on the horizon of your conscience. It came to you fast, and right before it hit you, Taehyung pulled away, stopping his ministrations on your nipple and your clit.
You let out a pained whine at the denied orgasm, and your hand reached towards your clit in the hope that you could still hit your high. Taehyung stopped you, grabbing your wrists until you stopped resisting him.
“You’re going to come only when I tell you to come, alright?”
His baritone voice was even lower than it usually was. Filled with danger, and you nodded your head. You wanted to be a good girl for him, because you knew he always rewarded you with the best orgasms when you were.
You nodded. “Alright.”
“On your back”, he said, your favourite smirk back on his lips.
You obeyed, eyes never leaving his dark gaze. The fallen angel through and through, about to use your body for his sins.
You’d let him use your body for his sins for the rest of your life. He must have noticed the emotion move over your face, because he climbed on top of you, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fluttered shut, and he pressed a kiss on your two cheeks before landing one on your lips. You kissed him back, sighing against him as he grabbed your wrists gently, pulling them over your head.
“No touching, mmh?”
He had barely pulled away, and you kept your eyes closed as you replied. “You should tie me up.”
“Don’t be a brat today, princess”, he warned. “I just want to enjoy you, I don’t want to have to punish you.”
You gulped, before slowly nodding your head. “I won’t touch you.”
“Good girl.”
He moved down your body, and your eyes fluttered open to look at him. He took off your pants, bringing your underwear down at the same time. His eyes were staring right at your pussy, and had you not known any better, you would have closed your thighs to hide yourself from his view. But clearly Taehyung was in a mood, and you didn’t want to anger him.
The denied orgasm still hurt deep down in your core.
You had expected Taehyung to eat you out. And he almost did, blowing a breath on your pussy, but he kneeled between your legs instead, letting his cock rest on your pubis.
“I almost want to fuck you like that”, he let out. “You’d be so fucking tight.”
But it’d hurt. That much you knew. And you also knew Taehyung would never hurt you like that. Still, your eyes fluttered shut as he moved back, just enough for his dick to move towards your entrance.
“And you’d let me do it, wouldn’t you?”
You would. “Yes”, you breathed, because you knew he liked it when you were vocal.
“Good girl.” He ran his hands on your thighs, pulling your legs up until he had them rested on one of his shoulders. “I’ll still finger you first.”
He had barely said the words before two long digits slipped inside of you. You let out a moan as he immediately curled them to hit the spot inside of you that made you see stars. And he fingered you relentlessly, and hard, until you were a moaning mess under his skilled fingers.
“You can’t come yet, mmh?” he let out as your walls clenched around him. “Wait until I tell you, princess.”
“Tae”, you moaned, and your eyes fluttered open.
He smirked at you. “Hi there.”
“I want to come”, you complained.
He pressed a kiss on the side of one of your legs. “You can wait just a little longer for me, mmh?” He landed another kiss on your calf. “I want you to come around my dick.”
The orgasm was close, clinging to you, making you ache from head to toe. You held it in, focusing on the strands of hair in front of his eyes. It moved as he fingered you, and he had to blink to keep it from touching his eyes. But he wasn’t slowing down, pushing against your g-spot until your legs shook on his shoulder.
“Do you think you can take me now?” he asked.
“Yes, Tae”, you said breathlessly. “Please.”
His finger left you empty, only to move up to your clit. He started drawing circles on it again, and you shuddered as he pushed his dick against your lips. He had barely pushed the head in when you let out a small cry.
“Just a little longer, princess”, he told you, with his baritone voice. It was soothing, somehow, but all your mind could do was focus on where he was stretching you wide open.
He slowly bottomed out, and it did hurt a little. Indeed, you were tight against him, tighter than you usually were. Because he usually took his time to spread you open before fucking his dick into you.
But he hadn’t been able to wait tonight, had he? You could understand why: he thought he had lost you. And you knew what that could do to a man. Fear was an ugly emotion, but it wasn’t really the time to think about that though.
“Tae, it hurts”, you whined.
He stopped moving his fingers on your clit, and you whined even louder. “You want to come?”
You nodded. “Yes.” There were tears in your eyes, from all the denying of your orgasm. You blinked them away frustratedly.
“Have I made you wait long enough?” he asked, and he started pulling out, ever so slowly.
“Fuck, Tae.”
“Such a pretty princess”, he praised. “You will come for me now, mmh?”
You moaned as he started moving his fingers on your clit again, with the perfect pressure. Your eyes fell shut, and your orgasm hit you as he thrusted all the way in again.
It was one of the best orgasms of your life. Blinding, deafening, muting. It took away all of your senses, and the only thing you could feel was the place where your bodies were connected. It was his fingers on you, and his dick inside of you. It was the clenching of your walls around his length, in time with every wave of your orgasm. And he worked you through it, never slowing down. Giving you what you had been denied for too long. He milked every last drop of it, and you were pretty sure you had squirted at the same time from the squelching sounds your pussy made as he kept fucking into you, slowly.
“Fuck”, you let out as his fingers finally left your clit.
“That felt good?”
A small laugh fell from your lips. “Fuck.”
It wasn’t just good. It was pure ecstasy, a drug that had ignited every single nerve ending in your body. All your senses came rushing back to you, and your eyes fluttered open to the sight of Taehyung gazing at you lovingly.
“You’re so beautiful when you come”, he said. He was hugging your legs to his chest, still fucking into you slowly.
“Tae…”
“I want to see you come every day”, he continued, ignoring the loving plea in your voice. “I want to feel you come every day.”
“You’re crazy”, you said, letting out another small laugh.
“Crazy for you”, he agreed.
And then he was fucking you again, chasing his own high. Holding your legs to hit that sensitive spot inside of you, until he chose to lean on top of you, kissing you as he slowed the rhythm. He made love to you for a while, your lips never parting for longer than a few seconds. Just long enough to suck in a much-needed breath, before he was kissing you again.
Taehyung hit his high a while later. While you were digging your nails in the skin of his back in an attempt to pull him closer. You wanted him closer, even if he was buried deep inside of you, reaching spots inside of you you didn’t even think he had reached before.
Taehyung painted the walls of your pussy white as he came, grunting against your lips as you kissed him through his orgasm. You were pretty sure he was whispering your name as he shook with the waves of his own high, and you only held him tighter, until he stopped moving altogether.
You remained unmoving for a time, save for the kiss that you didn’t want to let end. You wanted to kiss him until you would die, and he gave in. Kissed you back, poured his love for you in the muscles of his mouth. You ran a hand along his back, through his soft hair, before settling your arms around his neck.
“I love you”, you whispered as he pulled away to rest his forehead against yours.
He pecked your lips. “I love you too.” He went soft inside of you, yet he still didn’t pull out.
You only then realized that Yeontan was barking like crazy. “We should take care of your dog.”
Taehyung hid his face in your neck. “I don’t want to move.”
You laughed, hugging him close, even though he was crushing you a little. “I don’t want to be evicted.”
He raised his head to look at you. You read the words in his eyes before he even said them.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I won’t move in with you.”
He pouted, that same begging pout that could win wars for him. “Please?”
You couldn’t say no to him, could you?
“You really are crazy, aren’t you?”
He pecked your forehead. “How many times do I need to tell you that I’m crazy for you?”
*****
One year later
You looked at the pregnancy test in your lap. Though happy tears had been blurring your vision, there was no mistaking: you were pregnant.
You could hear Taehyung gaming from the bathroom, unaware that your lives were about to change. Unaware that in just under nine months you would welcome your first child. You had been trying for a couple of weeks now – now that you had finally decided to quit your job to raise your kids at home. Not that you had quit yet, you had decided to wait until you were married and pregnant before you did.
It seemed life had chosen for it to come sooner than later.
You blinked the tears away, letting out a small happy laugh. You imagined the child: would they look like Taehyung, with one double lid and a mono lid, or would they have your features? And their hands: their fingers would be so small, almost as tiny as grains of rice.
You couldn’t wait until you could hold those little hands in your own. For the moment, all you could do was land a hand on your lower stomach, stroking it gently. The next few weeks would be uncertain. You knew there was a possibility you would lose the baby, but something about the feeling bubbling in your chest reassured you.
There was a little bit of you and Taehyung, growing inside of you right now.
A happy tear rolled on your cheek and you wiped it with the back of your hand as you heard Taehyung cheer in his gaming room. He was playing Overwatch with Jungkook, and from what you could tell, they had just won a game.
You got up from the toilet seat, where you had anxiously waited for the results of the pregnancy test. It was your third time doing one, but the first time you had ever seen it positive. You clutched it to your chest, following Taehyung’s cheery voice as you made your way to his gaming room.
“We annihilated them”, Taehyung was saying. “Bro, I swear we could start a team.”
There was silence for a while, during which you assumed Jungkook was replying on his side of the call.
“I’m sure Jin-hyung would join.” It took a moment, but Taehyung burst out laughing, and the sound of his laugh brought a whole new grin to your lips.
He came to view, sitting in front of his gaming set-up. The only light in the room was coming from the two screens of his set-up, and he turned his head towards you as you walked into the room. Light flickered on his profile, and his mouth fell open as he noticed your teary-eyed smile.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
You let out a small happy sob.
“JK, I’ll be right back.”
He took off his headset, putting it down next to his keyboard before rolling away from the desk.
“Hey, princess, why are you crying?” he enquired as you remained silent.
You finished crossing the distance between you, handing him the pregnancy test. It took him a moment to connect the dots. But you had never seen anything as beautiful as Taehyung when he realized he was going to be a dad.
“You’re shitting me?” he said, eyes filling with tears.
You started crying again, shaking your head no. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re pregnant?” His voice broke at the end, right as a blinding boxy grin split his face in half.
You nodded, and Taehyung jumped out of his chair to wrap his arm around you. He laughed and cried, and you held him close as you did the same. You didn’t think it was possible, but your love for him grew tenfold.
You were going to have a child. A little bit of the two of you.
“I can’t believe it”, he choked out through sobs. “We’re going to have a baby.”
You nodded again. “Our first one.”
“We need to get married”, he pointed out, pulling away from your embrace to look at your face.
You reached to dry the happy tears on his cheeks. “Should we get married before we tell the family?”
“I don’t know. Eunjin is going to be so happy”, Taehyung pointed out. “Your parents might be worried since we aren’t married though.”
You looked at him pointedly. “My parents adore you, they won’t give a shit.”
“Do you want to get married right now?” he asked.
“Tonight?”
He let out a small laugh. “Tomorrow, I don’t care.”
“Didn’t we just say we could wait?”
Taehyung picked you up and spun you around once, before letting your feet meet the ground again. “I want to marry you.”
You laughed through the new wave of tears. “We can marry when the baby is born.”
His eyes widened. “We’re going to have a baby”, he repeated, tasting the words carefully on his tongue. “A little boy!”
You furrowed your brows. “Why not a little girl?”
“I want a boy first.”
“I want a girl.”
“You say that just to oppose me.”
He wasn’t wrong, and you shrugged sheepishly, letting out another laugh.
“I fucking love you, you know that?” He pressed a kiss to your lips as if to give emphasis to his words. You kissed him back, but he pulled away after a few seconds. “I need to tell JK.”
“You didn’t mute yourself.”
He hadn’t had time to. You were pretty sure you could hear Jungkook screaming on his side of the Discord call.
“Aish”, Taehyung let out, and you shared a laugh as he moved towards his set-up. He grabbed the headset, putting it over his head. “Shut up, JK, I’m back.”
Taehyung nodded, as if his friend could see him.
“Yes.” He waited for a time, then nodded again. “Let me give the headset to her, I’m pretty sure she can answer herself.”
Taehyung took it off, handing it to you. You cocked an eyebrow in confusion, but still walked towards him, grabbing the headset and putting it on.
“What’s up?” you asked.
“Can I be the godfather?” Jungkook asked – or rather screamed – through his mic.
You winced at how loud Taehyung’s friend was. “Jesus Christ, I’m pretty sure my ears are bleeding now.”
“Can I?” Jungkook asked again, with a little voice that resembled that of a child himself.
“That’s a lot of responsibility”, you pointed out.
There was shuffling on Jungkook’s side, and then his girlfriend started talking. “Y/n, I swear to God if you say no to him I am going to tattoo you in your sleep.”
“You wouldn’t dare”, you said, pouting, but you already had a smile on your lips.
Taehyung and you had decided a while ago who were going to be the godparents. Eunjin and Jungkook. It was the easiest choice you had made about deciding to have a child together.
“Give me Jungkook back”, you told your friend.
She let out an excited yelp. “Hold on.”
It took a few seconds, but then Jungkook’s voice filled your ears again. “So?”
“Yes, you’re going to be the godfather, dumbass.”
Taehyung was smiling lovingly at you. He wrapped his arms around your middle, resting his head on your shoulder. You turned to look at him, offering him a lovesick smile.
“Thank you thank you thank you”, Jungkook kept repeating in his mic. “I promise I’ll be the…“ His words were cut off. “Ouch, that hurt.”
You heard his girlfriend’s iconic laugh and your smile only grew bigger.
You loved these people far too much for your own good.
“But JK?” you said as you listened to him bickering with his girlfriend.
The bickering ended, and he let out an, “Uh?”
“Please don’t tell the others for now. Just in case something happens.”
“I promise”, Jungkook said, voice filled with emotions. “Our lips are sealed.”
You smiled and then took off the headset. You handed it to Taehyung, and he took it with his bright, teary eyes. He put it back on, before sitting in his chair. He and Jungkook chatted for a while, and you sat on Taehyung, resting your head against his chest. You listened to his heartbeat as he ran a hand on your back, the other having found a home on your lower stomach.
As if he’d feel the baby kicking already.
Taehyung’s heartbeat was steady. A rhythm you had grown to know by heart, a melody that accompanied the nights when you couldn’t sleep. Your lips stretched into a smile at the thought that many sleepless nights were to come. But you could take a thousand of them if it meant building a family with Taehyung.
After all, you had always been crazy for him too.
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
So, what do we think? One hell of a journey isn’t it? I hope you enjoyed it <3
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#crazy for you#kth smut#kim taehyung smut#taehyung smut#kth fluff#kth angst#kth x reader#kth x you#kth fanfiction#kth fanfic#kth fic#kim taehyung angst#kim taehyung fluff#kim taehyung x reader#kim taehyung x you#kim taehyung fanfiction#kim taehyung fanfic#kim taehyung fic#taehyung angst#taehyung fluff#taehyung x reader#taehyung x you#taehyung fanfiction#taehyung fanfic#taehyung fic#life goes on series
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sundae (kinda love) | kth
pairing: non-idol!taehyung x female reader - childhood friends, unrequited pining, missed connection
premise: you always thought kim taehyung's lips would taste like chocolate sundaes, but when you learn -through a friend- that he tastes like watermelon chewing gum, the illusion shatters. so does your heart. in time, so will his.
warnings: a lil angsty, big question mark on a happy ending? (it's an ending! i'll give it that much!), short n sweet, mentions of alcohol, clubbing, tae is stupid!, but also not to be blamed (or at least not until the end), insinuation of emotional affair, big regrets, ballroom dancing, no smut and no fluff
wordcount: 1.1k
note from holly: originally written as a submission for my old writing groups monthly prompt - "I wanted it to be you. God damn, I really did." This is ooooooold, but it just felt apt with love me again and rainy days. i also believe it's the oneshot that someone on wattpad commented 'why are the tae ones always so shit' so MAKE OF THAT WHAT YOU WILL! lmaooo.
minors dni // cross posted to wattpad
"Quick, quick, slow. Quick, quick, slow," repeats the familiar shrill of your dance instructor. "Nina, back straight! Namjoon, footwork!"
The village hall you're in is musty, dust particles imitating you as they dance in the sunlight that beams through the wide windows. It's a Saturday morning, and there's no place you'd rather be less. You're dancing with your best friend, Nina, because there are only three boys in your class of twelve.
There's Jimin, the star student; Namjoon, whose mother forced him to attend because she thought it would be good for him; And then there's Taehyung, their best friend.
He's only there because he has nothing better to do when his only buddies are too busy learning the paso-bloody-doble to hang out with him.
It's spring, and school is in full swing. They're growing, and as time lurches forward, they find themselves with less and less chances to enjoy one another's company.
And so Taehyung's shoes tap along the varnished parquet all rather naturally, much to the dismay of Namjoon, who really is trying his very hardest.
"Now! Turn!" Your instructor commands. "And switch!"
You throw Nina a look -one that she gives you right back- which you both understand to mean 'ugh'. Stupid switch you always think, and refrain from rhyming it with how you feel about your instructor.
There's no part of you that wants to hold hands with other random kids from your village as you Cha Cha Cha across the dance floor. You just want to spend time with your best friend.
The same can be said for Taehyung, but when the switch happens, he finds himself dancing with yet another random girl - Nina.
He glances over -checking who he stole her from- and when your eyes meet, he stumbles on his footwork. Nina giggles, and he looks down all bashfully; pink in the cheeks.
When he looks up, he's looking at Nina. She giggles again, and he gets a little shy, but he starts dancing with her like a duck to water. Something about them just seems to... work.
You suppose you should have seen it coming when the next week he asks to dance with Nina again.
At least, that's what you assume he's doing when he approaches the pair of you. She kind of just hops up and drags him away before he even gets a chance to ask.
When they reach an empty spot on the dance floor, Taehyung glances back over to you and purses his lips. His eyes are soft, and so wonderfully brown that you think he must taste like chocolate sundaes on a hot summer's afternoon.
You're fifteen when you watch from the sidelines as rosettes are pinned to their clothes.
Taehyung's in a suit - dark, a little too big for him. His bowtie is green; a congratulations gift from you, given on the night they smashed through regionals.
Nina is in a matching green dress. Pretty, hair pinned back, perfect. Just like always.
The village hall has been swapped for a convention centre in the heart of the big city. They've just won third place. Jimin and his partner snagged first. Namjoon didn't make the top twelve. He tried, though.
You're beaming, outrageously proud of their achievement - but when Taehyung's eyes find yours in the crowd, his smile falters. It softens after a moment, and he nods. You nod back. Smile. Whisper 'well done'. He grins, now, and Nina notices his line of sight on you, so she waves. You wave, too, but you'll tell her well done later.
When you're eighteen, in a bar in the heart of town, Nina tells you that Taehyung tastes like vodka lemonade and watermelon chewing gum. You don't see him that evening. He sends you a text as the sun begins to rise:
'Didn't see you tonight. Missed you tearing up the dancefloor.'
There's a smile on your lips, though you really wish there wasn't. You both know you've got two left feet. It was always Nina's thing.
You send him back a picture of the chocolate sundae you're nursing, and tell him that you hate watermelon.
He doesn't understand, and assumes you're drunk. You kind of are, legs slung over the side of a sitting room chair in your family home.
You mean what you say. Detest watermelon. Loathe it. Had been eating it the day before without a care in the world, but feel sick just thinking about it now.
You've loved the idea of Taehyung tasting like chocolate sundaes since you were a kid - but now you know otherwise.
It's ruined your perception of him.
Although it hasn't really.
Not in the slightest.
For when he shows up at your twenty-first birthday party without a gift, but a bottle of chocolate liqueur instead, you have to fight yet another smile.
"For all those sundaes," he says.
See, it's become a bit of a ritual.
Every time those pretty lips of his end up on Nina's -and he pretends to care about the fact you aren't around- a picture of a chocolate sundae lands in your message thread to him.
He still doesn't understand it.
Though he does smile when he sees them on menus, and he thinks about how much he'd love one whenever summer comes around. He never indulges, mind you.
Never.
Not until a few years later, when it's the only option for dessert in a gilded reception room, back in your hometown.
He doesn't think it's apt. It's autumn, not summer. Far too chilly.
It's been close to two decades since he first saw you dance - and you're still just as shit - but there's something beautiful about it, now. Maybe it's the flowers in your hair. Maybe it's the way you're looking at your groom, pink sunset pouring through the windows, fairy lights glittering above you. Maybe it's your dress.
Or maybe it's the way your eyes catch the light as you glance over towards him. He's holding your bouquet -Nina had palmed it off on him- and he nods. Smiles. The taste of chocolate is bitter in his mouth.
And only now does he really understand.
Because truthfully, he had wanted it to be you in that dreary village hall all those years ago, too.
God damn it, he really had.
Taehyung knows he shouldn't, but when he's had a few too many drinks, and your groom is off entertaining his friends, he sits beside you. You're watching your wedding party from the back of the room with a smile on your face.
When you look at him, you know -finally- he tastes like a chocolate sundae, now. Your smile falters. It's bitter. The sundaes are sweet, you assume. Haven't had one. Won't have one.
"Should've been you," he says so quietly it's almost a whisper.
You hate that you understand what he means. Hate that you nod. Hate that you're thinking about the way he tastes. Hate that your heart beats faster now than it did when you said 'I do.'
Hate that you say:
"Should've been us."
#bts fanfic#taehyung#kth x reader#kth angst#taehyung angst#bts x reader#taehyung x reader#kth oneshot#kth fanfic#taehyung fanfic#non idol au#kth#fanfic#bangtan ff#im so terrible with tagging still#waaaaaa#byholly
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What Fate Decides [Taehyung x Reader] [Part 3]
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summary: You're a beta in love with your best friend, alpha Kim Taehyung. Except you know that you can never fulfill his dominating urges, so you draw a line between the two of you. Cherish his small kisses and embraces until an omega has to come along.
Until one day, you're not a beta anymore. Now, it's nearly impossible to resist the protective, endearing alpha in front of you.
pairing: taehyung x reader
chapter tags/warnings: angst, fluff, alpha/omega, a/b/o dynamics, best friends to lovers, slow burn ish, smut, mature, swearing
note: sorry for the wait all <3 last part coming in a bit! thank you for being here and reading my works (I am forever grateful). If you want to hang out with me, check out my insta, and if you'd like to donate me a coffee, check out my kofi page!
The accident turned you into an omega.
Okay, that’s kind of a lie. You were a dormant omega, apparently, but now you’re a real one. Or something like that. In truth, your face had been pale, and though the doctor’s mouth was moving, nothing seemed to register. Finally, you had been comfortable with being a Beta. And then suddenly, the world shifts it’s axis, it being Wacky Wednesday or something, and you’re an Omega.
You release a wry laugh. What a joke.
A joke, because you lost your best friend.
A joke, because you lost your freedom.
A joke, because you feel as if you just lost everything.
The door swings open to your studio, and you watch as Taehyung is fumbling outside your doorway, hands in his pockets, peeking up from you from under his bangs. Though you normally wouldn’t think anything of it as a beta, the omega side suddenly sees it as groveling. An alpha hunching over and submitting to his omega.
Ha. Like you’re his omega. There are thousands of them lined up already, begging for his attention no doubt. Adding yourself to the list among the more experienced, and beautiful, ones is a waste of heartbreak.
“Do you want to come in?” You hesitate, and his mouth twists as he straightens. He’s tall.
No surprise there. The only surprise should be that your omega is reacting to his height.
“You’re not on suppressants,” he starts, forming into a mother hen. “You have to be on suppressants.”
God, you can’t even tell how much time has passed since the accident and he’s already making a list, throwing you into the omega life. And besides, it’s been like a week after you discharged? He was there every day at the hospital, but now that you could walk without any issues, he disappeared?
“I don’t want to be,” you protest. “Why do I have to? I’ve never—”
Oh. Right. Because you’re different now. You sigh at the thought of the mundane life escaping further from your grasp. “Do I have to, though? Is there no other option around it?”
That makes Taehyung pause from the doorway, and he turns around.
“There’s this thing,” he starts, swallowing. “Called scenting. And you have a scent that can draw Alphas—”
“But you smell, too,” you wrinkle your nose. “And nobody attacks you or anything���”
“It’s not safe,” he repeats, but there’s a layer underneath it. Dangerous. Possessive. Raw. He growls, and you melt in his arms. Into a puddle of arousal, with the slick gushing out of you and the way your gut is aching.
“Omega,” he thunders, and something shifts. He’s inching closer, and in the next moment, Taehyung’s kissing your jaw. Groaning. Murmuring, Omega. Let me scent you.
And you tell him—Yes. And when his mouth covers your gland and sucks, you cry out and clutch his arms.
“Fuck,” Taehyung groans once more. His teeth scrape the back of your neck, where your gland is located, and you babble incoherent words. “Omega. You smell so good. Taste fucking delicious.”
This is not a good idea.
But it’s one that your heart wants.
Taehyung knows he should contain himself. He has to be the alpha that helps his best friend find a suitable companion. But he can’t help but think that you’re his omega, no matter how much he attempts to think otherwise. He doesn’t want to ruin the dynamic he has with you, but goddamn, he’s attuned to every one of your movements. Like the way you’re curled up against him as the movie plays, legs on top of his own, and head leaning against his chest. There are small, barely audible throaty sounds coming from you as you watch the couple fight, clearly disliking it. And he can’t help but wonder how it feels to suck on your gland again until you’re smothered in his scent.
Then he can’t help but imagine you under him, knotted and preening. He already knows you’re vocal with your whimpers and sighs—and if you can’t stop squirming, he’ll pin you to the bed and bite your glands on your wrists… and rut into you. Fuck, he might not even be able to pull out to thrust back in.
“Taehyung?” You murmur, eyes wide and innocent, most likely catching the way he stared at you. Like he wanted to devour you.
In return, the alpha mumbles your name and rests his forehead on your shoulder. It’s hell, he thinks, jaw clenching. You’re wearing his hoodie and no shorts under it, and he’s breathing in your lavender scent, mind repeating: this is hell, but also what content is like.
It’s insane, how much comfort you bring. You brought it as a beta, but you’re also bringing it as an omega. Taehyung kisses your cheek and embraces you, closing his eyes for a second. The fact that you’re alive and breathing under him—that is enough. It’s all he can ever ask of you, to just keep smiling at him.
There are some things that changed about him. He started—and he knows that you noticed—calling you love, or baby. He buries his head in the crook of your neck constantly, making sure you smell like him and he you. Satisfaction thrums through Taehyung’s veins when he can smell himself on you.
Knowing that scenting you earlier meant that you belonged to him. That all his members could smell who you belonged to. His Alpha loves it, too, instead of thrashing around and causing anxiety. Finally, his head quiets. No thoughts about coming home, taking care of you, making sure you’re well fed, rings through his mind.
“I have something to tell you,” he blurts, and you glance up.
Fuck. He can’t take it anymore. Screw company guidelines. Screw what people thinks. He wants you. All of you.
You’re his happiness; there’s no doubt in his mind that fate put you together.
“I love you,” he murmurs, placing your hand over his chest, directly where your heartbeat is. “You’re everything to me. My whole world. My—”
“Your omega?”
“My omega. Just like I’m yours, too.”
tags: @theblueslytherin @tatyhend @tinyoonsblog @vsmith0099 @midnightsora @cupcakesxdomjoon @likeshatteredrainbowglass @scuzmunkie @kookiwu @xjiminsthighsx @dreadity @lovelytaes-blog @noooodlllleeee @ggukkieland @namjoonshug @jaiuneamesolitaiire @hesmyphenominiall @hollyweird0
#kth smut#taehyung smut#taehyung fluff#taehyung angst#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#taehyung x reader#v smut#taehyung x you#bts au#bts fic#kth fluff#bts x reader#bts fanfic#kth angst#bts x you#taehyung scenario#taehyung imagines#bts werewolf au#bts alpha#alpha taehyung#omega reader
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silk & stones | kth (m)
Summary: “Taehyung was a writer… he was a writer indeed.”
Kim Taehyung knows his way around words – they cast a spell on your heart and mind, leave you gasping dangerously fast. Until the mystery behind his persona unveils and his touch, along with his words, becomes a vivid memory.
➳ pairing: Taehyung x reader
➳ rating: 18+
➳ genre: strangers to lovers, writer!au; angst, fluff, smut
➳ warnings: writer + violinist tae 🥺 who’s a gentleman in the 19th century, brief mention of injuries/a mental institution, misunderstandings, heartbreak, secrets, grief, much poetry (and my attempt at writing a poem, pls spot), much disgoosting fluff, flirting and lots of sexual tension; explicit sexual content: 2 sex(y) scenes, fingering on a boat, choking, teasing, begging, praising, soft dom!tae, big dick!tae, tiddie fondling/sucking, some manhandling, dirty talk, they’re just so cute :((, oral (f. and m. receiving), some masturbation, oc is into neck kisses, some biting, fingering, hair pulling, asking for permission :(, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (it’s the 19th century...), aftercare; there’s quite some angst ok; lmk if i forgot smth !!
➳ word count: 27k (💀)
➳ a/n: damn, this one was a lottt and i’m even somewhat proud i managed to post it cos i was dreading doing so LMAO. but my baby @hobisuniverse didn’t just beta it, but encouraged me so so much, too. i love you to the moon and back, my love 🥺 hope y’all enjoy !! as always, feel free to pop into my inbox and talk to me, it means the world to me <33
➳ listen to the S&S playlist for the full experience 🤍
TAGLIST | MASTERLIST | WIPs
You thought there was insanity behind the idea of fate until you met Kim Taehyung.
You’ve never been big with words, despite being the proud owner of a dusty pile of books. Most of those, you must have read half a dozen times; a handful of those, you can recite by heart.
When you were little, your parents used to warn you that you might corrupt your mind if you read about fate, love and the drivel under the stars too much. That when you grew up, you’d not be able to distinguish between reality and wishful thinking anymore.
You always said that reality was too sour, too close, and that you couldn’t forget it if you indulged in the thickest novel known to humankind and never looked up from it again.
And anyway – fairytales aren’t real. And fate isn’t real. How could you grant those things much weight, connect them to reality when there was no actual proof of their existence?
At least that’s what you used to preach… but then came a day.
One you might even call fateful now that you think back.
THEN
Kim Taehyung was no artist, but he knew how to draw clean, dazzling lines on paper.
He’d always been big with words. Small and large ones; simple and fancy ones; verbal or written; loud or silent. The moment his eyes first caught yours, the words he whispered were quiet, a little hushed – nevertheless, chaotic. Like he’d collected all twenty-six letters on his tongue at once and rearranged them to describe whatever aura you emanated.
For Taehyung, nothing was truer or realer than fate.
With time, you’d come to realise that if you’d chosen a different branch of the fork on your road, the night would have turned out entirely different. Small happenings sometimes affect which drink you choose, or who you speak to, maybe even how your mood changes over the course of the event.
But this time, you might have found yourself elsewhere weeks later, had even one dust particle been out of place. Because you could have chosen a different path – easily.
Two hours of loneliness were catching up to you. One of your customers had recommended that you leave your house for a bit, informing you that the annual town hall festival was going to take place today.
“I wouldn’t have anyone to escort me to it,” you’d told her.
You couldn’t deny that you were crafting excuses to talk yourself out of it, but you knew she was right. Your days consisted of uneventful, quiet afternoons, and you worked your way through them until the horizon darkened and stars emerged again.
But your customer remained stubborn and convincing, wiggling a wrinkled finger as she said, “You don’t need to! Not every woman needs a man to court her. Try going alone. You will see the world with different eyes.”
And perhaps she was right about your confidence and your endurance; you did not need a man or woman to keep you entertained. But the event itself – if it had been more adventurous and not filled with guests who ogled you until you shrunk into yourself, you might have enjoyed it more.
You had your next thirty minutes already planned: find food, eat, leave. And with a hand on your rumbling stomach, you walked past the drunk, rich politicians and stopped at the table that portrayed an infinite line of finger food.
Then again, balanced harmony only remains so long.
You had barely decided which snack to pick up first when someone stepped next to you. Your eyes rocketed to the man, dressed fully in white. His trousers were blinding, a white shirt tucked in, an angelic coat draped over his shoulders; a contrast to the starry eyes and pitch black hair.
“Have you tried one of those?”
His voice chimed from the depths of his chest. Low and calm, inviting and rich. It almost didn’t suit his gentle face, and you opened your eyes further. Wondered if those words had actually come from him.
“I cannot even say what that is,” you answered, pointing to a small delicacy, covered in what you assumed was parsley. “I can’t name any of those.”
“Well, let me educate you. This is ham,” the man explained, lifting one of the snacks between two of his fingers. They were endless; long enough to capture your attention. “On… uhh… something.”
“Something, yes?”
You laughed when he did – his chuckle was strong, contagious and delightful. A man like him wasn’t easy to miss in an uninteresting crowd. Perhaps it was the bright attire he wore; but most of all, you couldn’t think of a single man you had ever laid eyes on, as beautiful as him.
And oddly enough, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d seen him before.
“It tastes impeccable, is all I know,” he continued, chatty and in a good mood, “and if you pour yourself a glass of rosé, it’s even better.” He paused, tilting his head in thought. “Actually. Let me pour you some.”
“Oh, I– I was going to eat a little and then go home.”
“Home? The night has barely started, though.”
“But,” you argued, shaking your head in disappointment, “I’m bored. There’s nothing to see here… or at least, nothing interests me.”
He laughed again, and your gaze froze on the small crinkles around his eyes for a moment. Then wandered to the rectangle grin. When he straightened his priorly tilted head, his fine, dark hair strands fell into place again, covering his sight, parted in the middle.
“Something is always happening. The question is just who’s interested in it,” he said, placing a snack on his tongue elegantly, twirling the glass of wine in his hand. “I’m Taehyung. But,” he winked, nodding, “don’t tell anyone.”
“Why not?”
Taehyung.
Taehyung?
Where did you know his name from?
“I like to wander around. See places. And it’s nice when people don’t recognise me right away,” he explained, looking around the golden lit room and into the cheerful crowd, “though some did ramble their hearts out to me tonight.”
You were confused – and curious. Hardly able to contain this very curiosity, you asked, “Recognise you? Are people supposed to?” Taehyung hesitated, blinking at you, so you added, “What’s your full name?”
“Uh.” He halted for a moment, peeking into his glass. Then, he flashed a smirk, looked into your eyes with newfound confidence and answered, “Kim Taehyung.”
“Kim Taehyung, do I know you?”
“I don’t know. Do you?” he questioned, cocking an eyebrow in amusement. “But I wrote some novels a few years back, though under a different name. Perhaps you have seen illustrations and photographs of me somewhere. To be honest,” he leaned in, laughing, “most people here haven’t really read my stuff, but they hear professional writer, and go mad.”
A writer. A novelist?
You reckoned that was why he seemed so familiar to you – and why every girl’s eyes lingered on him that passed by the table, tangled in someone else’s arm. Maybe you had seen his work in one of the bookstores you frequented.
“I’m sorry. You’re probably not used to clueless people like me,” you said, watching him walk to the other side of the table to pour you the same wine as him. “I came to this town a few years ago, but I don’t know that many people here. Thank you.”
You took the glass gratefully, disregarding the rule of the night that you weren’t going to drink. But the liquid courage tasted heavenly, like a piece of a garden dissolving on your tongue.
“You came here alone?”
“I did,” you answered, nodding, “for my education. But I never went back. I lived with my aunt, and she took care of me as long as she could, but… she didn’t make it past last year. So now I am here, in her house, still tending to her plants and dishes.”
“That’s remarkable,” Taehyung praised, fascinated and curious, “and what is it that you do?”
You couldn’t remember the last time a man had approached you with an interest like he did. Most of those you knew were straightforward, complimented your lips or your skin; hooded eyes that thought they were charming your feet off, but all they did was burn your skin alive.
Gulping, you turned to look at him, stepping back from the table when other guests flooded to the food in groups, “I used to work as a teacher. Taught children. But now I have a home-based thing where I stitch dresses.”
“Unusual,” Taehyung remarked, “but I like it.”
“My parents aren’t tied to community standards as much as they're expected to,” you clarified, suddenly missing your father’s words and your mother’s lullabies with a prominent ache, “they’re proud of what I do.”
“Then I am, too,” he joked, and your heart leapt, indulging in his saccharine voice. But then, he smirked and said, “Not everyone can stitch a dress that hugs a body this beautifully.”
Your shoulders and your hand dropped. If the glass hadn’t been empty already, you would’ve tainted his polished shoes. The corners of his lips fell when yours did, and you rolled your eyes, clicking your tongue before you said, “And when I thought you’re one of the decent ones.”
“What?”
You placed the glass on the table and wrapped your scarf around your shoulders. Shaking your head, you complained, “You’re handsome and amusing. And kind. So of course there would be a vice.”
“A vice?” Taehyung voiced, furrowing his eyebrows. His feet followed yours, eyes staring past you to realise that you were leaving the event. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s a man's world and we’re puppets. That’s alright. Men will receive compliments on their brains and their studies and how they built an entire business from scratch,” you continued, surprised when one of his big steps equaled your fast but small ones. “But we’re just bodies and pretty ones at that, and that’s all you will be able to compliment about m– oh, and I did not stitch this dress, by the wa–”
“Listen,” Taehyung stepped in front of you, barriering the entrance. You looked away, not quite fuming, but sufficiently irritated to seem so. “That was not what I meant at all. I told you you’re remarkable.”
“And that wasn’t to build up to the actual courting?”
He shook his head, clearly in disbelief and uttered, “Writers choose words carefully. Right? I wouldn’t say anything to you I don’t mean. Besides,” looking up and down, he shrugged his shoulders, folding his hands behind his back, “would it be so terrible if I courted you? For your beauty and for your brain?”
You pouted but felt the heat leave your head gradually, clutching your scarf as you mumbled, “Do you reckon I’m smart?”
“Of course I do.”
“Not just pretty?”
“Gorgeous. But not just that.”
You raised your chin, still careful but melting somewhere inside. You pressed your lips into a thin line before you let out an exhale, whispering, “Fine.”
Opting to walk away, you raised your dress, but he took the same step sideways as you, stopping you in your tracks once again.
“Listen…” he repeated, breathing in, “I can prove it to you. That I don’t only care about how you look.”
You sighed, relaxing your heart, your voice calmer and softer when you said, “It’s fine, Mister Kim. You don’t need to write me a novel or anything. We’re fine.”
“I didn’t want to. I haven’t written in a long time. Or well, I am working on something right now, but,” he sucked in another deep inhale, opening his palms, “the point is. Spend some time with me. I would enjoy getting to know more about you than your occupation. If you allow me?”
Regarding him with a suspicious look, you carved a crease between your eyebrows; endeared by the innocent dart of his tongue to wet his lips, but wary of his overall words and tone.
“I don’t know you,” you claimed, “I met you ten minutes ago.”
“I know, but,” he shifted from one leg to the other, laughing nervously, “every relationship, no matter between whom, starts with knowing them just for ten minutes.”
Squinting, you leaned closer; he couldn’t help but snicker at your childlike expression, and you leaned back with an even more magnificent pout as you inquired, “You won’t abduct me?”
“Abdu– do I look like–”
“Alright. I’ll allow it,” you said, finally gracing him with a smile. You looked kinder, softer when you wore a beam like this – like you couldn’t be feisty if you wanted to. But to know that you were, was luring him in a little more. “Where?”
“Hmmm.”
Taehyung bit the inside of his cheek, rummaging through his memories and places he had seen. And then, he clapped his large hands once, lighting up in enthusiasm.
“There is a massive architecture, very Roman or Greek. Numerous pillars.”
“Yes…?”
“Does Nary Hill sound good?”
Taehyung lived in a cube made of glass.
The walls of it were robust glass. The ceiling was unbreakable glass. The door was made of thick glass; and when he opened the windows, he did so carefully. The cube was sparsely decorated with barely any furniture inside – it lacked vibrancy, a monotone colour palette that only ever shone in different hues when Taehyung let the sun shine a bit.
So when you strolled to him on the agreed upon Sunday morning, he thought the glass of the cube broke a tiny crack. Instead, walls of firm wood grew around him, darkening the room – which was ironic and somewhat odd, because writers like himself usually refer to happiness and grace through brilliance and sunshine, don’t they?
But you didn’t feel like the sun and light to him.
In your own, gorgeous way, you resembled peaceful darkness. The kind that one closes their eyes to before falling asleep, when the world is quiet and serene, worries lift and the sun has set. You felt calmer and more comforting than bright, direct sunlight blinding his eyelids.
So when you looked at him with a shy, gentle smile, unsure how to greet a stranger you’d only talked to once, you gave his imaginary cube a more profound sense of home – with its new, steady, natural, wooden walls.
Your fingers, clutching and raising your lavender dress, released the fabric once you halted in front of him. Entwining them slowly, you nodded, flashing a bright smile as your calm voice spoke, “I would’ve been here sooner, but the carriage got stuck in–”
You stopped when Taehyung sucked in a deep breath, readying yourself for a gentlemanly scolding, wrapped in words kind enough to reprimand you softly. Instead, however, he stepped forwards, pushing his back off the pillar with a gentle, welcoming smile.
The structure you stood under was familiar to you – it resembled a Greek temple, or a hidden sight of the town. Where you stood, the sun didn’t reach. Taehyung noticed that since you’d stepped into the shadow, your features had relaxed and your shoulders dropped, as though you were relieved that the heat wasn’t burning you up anymore.
Perhaps there was a reason you were more darkness to him than light.
“I don’t mind waiting,” he said, untamed dark hair hanging into his eyes, “I spent some time thinking.”
“Thinking? What about?”
Taehyung hummed in thought. His gaze wandered from your feet to the top of your head, taking in tiny bits of your appearance that differed so much from the very first time he’d seen you. You smiled a little more confidently today; there was no trace of timid quietness, and you didn’t look like you put a limit to what you wanted to say or think.
Just like him, you felt more comfortable in this environment.
“Have you ever heard of Mary Wortley Montagu?”
You parted your lips, scouring your memory for the name. But when nothing popped up, you shrugged your shoulders, responding, “I’m afraid I haven’t.”
Taehyung crossed his arms in front of his chest. It was the first time you noticed the undone buttons of his white linen shirt, casually tucked into dark trousers. You rarely saw men dress like him – most of them ran around in pompous suits and with big hats covering their heads.
But Taehyung didn’t seem to care much about the elegant choices you saw usual suitors of yours settle on. If they'd spotted him, they would've probably scrunched up their noses and shook their heads. To you, however, his little decision was more alluring than the sweaty men regarding you with cocky smirks and approaching you with revolting statements.
“Thou silver deity of secret night… direct my footsteps through the woodland shade,” Taehyung slowly recited.
You’d think a writer like him was confident, vain, and knew the effect he had on people around him. But there was softness in his words and his expressions, a smile utterly warm when he added, “It’s a poem by her… you reminded me of the moon when I saw you, so I thought of it.”
“I did?” you questioned, cocking an eyebrow.
Your dress might have been the most summer-esque clothing you could fish out of your closet. You kept your face free of additional beautifiers, your hair in a loose bun. Why you reminded him of the moon, you couldn’t quite say, but you could interpret the funny feeling in your guts just as less.
So you let your eyes drop so as to not showcase the ocean of flattery that claimed you, but Taehyung saw it anyway; knew you were taking his words as a gentle compliment. He was delighted – and perhaps a tiny bit enamoured.
And when he invited you to a light walk down the hill you were standing on, you finally confirmed his foolish theory that you were indeed the glowing satellite rounding your world. Because your face contorted, your smile falling and morphing into a frown of fatigue.
“We can just,” Taehyung started. You looked sweet, so lost in thoughts, trying to come up with an excuse. “Stay here, too.”
You laughed lightly, your eyebrows furrowing in guilt as you answered, “If that’s alright with you. Walking is fine, too.”
“I’m open to anything.”
He pushed up the sleeves of his shirt, and your eyes shot to the veins adorning his arms. Kim Taehyung pulled off casual beauty so effortlessly; maybe you were wrong. Maybe the men you saw on other days wouldn’t have scrunched their noses after all, but burned in envy.
You hoisted up the hem of your dress carefully, delighted when the summer air blew onto your bare ankles. Taehyung took a seat on one of the steps leading up to the temple, waiting for you to join him; and when you did, you said, “I know this is boring of me, but I promise we can get up and walk around in a few minutes. The short way up the hill was just–”
“Don’t worry about it. Meeting you was about getting to know you, not about where we are or what we do.”
“So if we’d met at the noisy, stinky market?”
“We can go right now, and I’ll prove it to you.”
Taehyung moved, lifting half his body, but you were quick to pull him down again. You giggled in unison, and you shook your head, clarifying, “But I do like it here better. I enjoy it when it’s quiet.”
Of course you did.
“Do you have a favourite place then?” Taehyung wanted to know.
When you turned your head to him, you realised the gaping hole between the two of you. Your elbows and knees didn’t touch, and he didn’t attempt to close the distance, sitting on the steps with spread legs in contrast to your gracefully straight back and folded hands.
You’d never cared about manners much – but you hadn’t ever found lax behaviour this attractive either.
But despite the fact that you could fit another human being between you, his head was lowered, cupped in his palm, and the elbow resting on a step above balanced his torso. He was listening to you, intently, awaiting an answer.
His eyes were calm and dreamy – the kind that traps you, a mythical creature’s song who eats you alive once you give in.
You feared something about Kim Taehyung.
Clearing your throat, you raised your eyebrows, “Me?”
“Yes. You.”
The tender shyness he’d sported just a minute ago vanished when you caught him staring with an amused grin. Looked like he was enjoying himself with you, genuinely curious to know what floated in your foggy, little mind.
“Hmm,” you voiced, annoyed when your thoughts blanked. It was always when someone asked questions like these that you forgot every place you’d ever been to. “I think I like my garden.”
But Taehyung was having none of it; because he puffed out some air and rolled his eyes, sat up straight and wiggled his fingers – the full package of disapproval.
He admonished, “No, no! There must be something else.” He waited, thought for a moment, then added, “Think bigger, I’d say.”
Bigger than your garden?
“Something wrong with my favourite place?”
“Absolutely not,” he answered, but still shrugged his shoulders unconvinced, “but I feel like you just don’t want to think.”
Because you couldn’t think.
It was easy to lose your string of thoughts with him. He was a thief, trained to rob one of their sanity, it seemed.
But you tried for him anyway, giving his question another go until you smiled proudly and let him know, “Fine. So at the river. If you borrow a canoe and paddle south, you get to a bridge. And that bridge is tiny.”
Taehyung nodded enthusiastically, pointing at you knowingly, a deep but semi-loud voice chiming, “I think I know what you mean! A cream coloured, small bridge that’s barely broad enough for two people to walk on!”
“Yes! But high enough to let a boat through underneath it,” you confirmed, eyes widening in delight, “so, it has the look of a fairytale, almost Grimm like object, right? And it’s usually quiet there, too. There are pathways on either side of the river, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone walking along it.”
You shot him a quick look, checking whether you were boring him yet. But the corners of his lips were still frozen in place, elation and attention apparent, caused by nothing and no one less than you.
So you continued, “I sometimes feel like no one’s ever there because nature doesn’t allow interruption or to step onto steady grounds. It lets you admire it from afar… so I do. I like looking around or reading or– or doing nothing at all while the boat floats its way along the river.”
When you silenced, it dawned on you how loud you must have been. Because suddenly, you could hear the chirping of the birds and your rapid heartbeat again, could hear it knocking against your eardrums. It didn’t seem to bother Taehyung, though.
His eyes never left the features of your face. Looked to and fro, never truly settled on one spot or one of your moles, the curves of your lips or the curl of your eyelashes.
“That’s beautiful,” he finally said.
You drew a breath, studying his movements. They seemed elegant, calculated, but you doubted he thought about them much. Taehyung was graceful without trying; you had seen it the moment he spoke to you first. And you could see it now, too.
Lowering your voice, you let your eyelids flutter, hoping he paused to look at your tiny details the way you did. Whether you were succeeding, you couldn’t quite tell. “Why did you ask?”
“I just… I thought you were a closed mystery,” Taehyung laughed, rolling around a tiny stone with the tip of his finger, “for some reason. But you’re an open book, aren’t you?”
“Hmm. I don’t like reading mysteries, so why should I be one?”
Taehyung snickered. It was the first time you heard his baritone rise in volume this much, enchanting sparks falling out of the hearty laugh. Back then, you hadn’t known that the harmless melody of his voice carried a deadly quality of haunting your nights.
He was a walking power that could split a heart into two; back then, you hadn’t known.
“Fair point,” he admitted, full lips covering his blinding teeth again when the laughter ebbed down.
“So then,” you started, uncaring of your curved back, your tilted head, the fact that you were dirtying your palms by planting them on the dusty steps, “what’s your favourite place, Kim Taehyung?”
Taehyung didn’t waste moments sinking into thoughts the way you had, because apparently, he’d expected your question, answering readily, “A glass cube.”
Ah.
What?
“A what?”
“A cube made of glass that doesn’t let any noise or sorrow in,” he explained as though it could help him clear up anything at all. His hands formed an imaginary cube, and upon seeing your confused frown, he clarified further, “It’s a mental mantra that I invented. And I know it’s ridiculous, but it helps.”
“Helps?”
“It’s peaceful. It’s nice to be alone sometimes. No noise or voices. No one to judge. Just you and your thoughts and whatever the hell you want to do,” Taehyung retorted, emphasising his cursing, “and shit, you can’t tell me that doesn’t sound nice.”
You leaned forward and placed your elbows on your thighs, folding your hands under your chin as you teased, “You couldn’t find a better place to let your thoughts retreat to?”
Taehyung looked away from you and directly into the sun. It appeared as though he was searching for something, focused and unblinking; but then, he lifted his shoulders and let them fall, looking back into the shadow.
The shadow where you sat.
Serene darkness that soothed the blindness that the star had caused. Candy to his eyes.
“Yes,” he mumbled then, “I might have.”
You didn’t question what his new personal castle was. Taehyung's gaze had always been too intense; either begging to keep secrets locked in and veiled or asking you to reveal yours. You’d soon learn that it could throw you into an endless spiral, going deeper and deeper until you felt too dizzy and unbalanced to stand on two feet.
Today, it seemed to be the former – so you didn’t prod. Reckoned he’d tell you when the time was ripe, when he felt like he could entrust his deepest thoughts to you. Right now, it was clear that he didn’t want to elaborate.
“And how does my garden not count, but your cube does?”
“I didn’t say your garden doesn’t count!” Taehyung defended, feigning irritation. He shot up to his feet, staring down at you with his fists pressing into his hips. “I just meant there must be something else, something that brings you full and irreplaceable peace. And I was right!”
Sighing, you stood, joining his stance and leaned into him, squinting as you remarked, “Writers are odd, aren’t they?”
Taehyung imitated your tiny movement, and suddenly, he was close enough to breathe against your skin. His eyes wandered to your smirk before they stared back into the depths of your pupils; and for a moment, you considered tasting whatever lingered on his tongue.
But in your adventure with Taehyung, you had barely exited the first page. A bubbly feeling in your guts told you that your lips weren’t ready just yet; that patience was a virtue, that you needed to practice it to make the moment last longer.
And perhaps he thought so, too.
Because he leaned back and straightened his posture again, stepping out of the shadow and into the sun as he told you, “Writers like mysteries. You and I are different, sweetheart.”
He was right.
Maybe you were an open book, but Taehyung was an undecodable enigma. And you might not have liked mysteries – but you wanted to dip your toes into this one.
NOW
Whenever someone close to you, who has seen you rise and fall for Taehyung, who has watched you suffer and start anew, asks you whether you’d change how things worked out, you shake your head immediately.
Despite the ruins that Kim Taehyung left you in, you don’t think you could’ve ever mustered the strength to walk away from him, even if you could have. The night when he first talked to you. When you met him on the hill, leaning against a pillar of what seemed like Greek architecture.
When you kissed him for the first time, looked at him and knew. Things you’d never thought of, things that still seem unreal to you.
For nothing in this world, you’d give up the feelings and the pain he brought, the experiences you gathered, the trust you found in people. The realisation that not everything is the way it seems at first. That you were there, unwavering, ready to take his hand.
If you could travel to the past, relive a day and change something, it wouldn’t be the fact that you got to know him, but everything you told him.
Because then you might add to the numerous conversations, whisper to him what you always wished to whisper to him.
Perhaps, you think, he’d still be here today if you had.
THEN
“This doesn’t beat your cube?”
Taehyung’s hand functioned as a shell around his ear, trying to blend out the shrill noise that echoed through the little tavern. He told you it was his favourite place, but apparently, someone had gotten engaged, hence the tumult sounding around you as though Armageddon had started.
Bodies sashayed by you in a haze, dancing and drunk, laughing and making you join their contagious joy. You couldn’t say how Taehyung had managed to drag you here, or when you’d drunk enough to feel your cheeks warm.
But the inebriation felt less daunting with him across the table, patting your arm whenever he wished for your attention. It was a subtle touch, but you rather enjoyed it – looked away on purpose just to feel it again.
“Well, it might! Honestly,” he confessed, his face flushed and fingers wrapped around his drink.
“I get why you like it here.”
“Really?”
You nodded, grimacing when a loud cheer went through the crowd; you yelled with them, lifting your cup into the air, and when it was done, the music stopped for a minute. The voices calmed down. And no matter how fun the evening was, you were thankful.
Your head was thumping.
“It’s different from you,” you told him, comparing him to the calm image of himself in the shadows for the umpteenth time tonight, “like you’re trying to escape yourself.”
At least that was what you could tell from the last two or three times you’d had the honour to spend time with him. The renowned author had told you of the importance of his glass cube and its attributes, so you didn’t expect him to pull you into this old, sordid but cheerful tavern.
His smile faltered a little, and he granted his half touched meal a single look before he stared up at you again. Dark hair dishevelled, he brushed strands of it aside, rubbed a spot on his neck, red from the heat before he said, “I think we all do sometimes.”
Slight distress coloured his starry eyes, a contrast to the rosy hues on his cheek, but before you could blink again, he was suddenly smiling again.
Small wrinkles appeared around his eyes as he digressed, “Poetry. That’s another way to escape yourself. Time passes differently when you read, and maybe you’ll come back a different person once you close a book.”
Whichever topic he was trying to head to, you played along, eager to let the remnants of the sorrowful tension between you fade. “Might be one hell of a truth if I’ve ever heard one.”
“I want to write proper poetry one day. I’m a novelist, but I’m bad at poems.”
“You still haven’t given me a book of yours to read,” you interjected, rolling your eyes, “what’s worse is that I can’t find books under your name either. I need to pull some secrets out of you, mister.”
Taehyung shot you another one of the looks you’d grown accustomed to. The one that said, ”There’s something hidden in a cubicle of my heart, but I can’t tell you about it just yet.”
And you didn’t ponder. Instead, you listened to him as he spoke again, lifting a finger with closed eyes, “And maybe this is a deep sin. My fearful soul calls often with a shudder, and yet with passionate lingering.”
“Another poem?”
“One of my favourites. Not that popular, though.”
“Why this one today?”
But sneaky and teasing as Taehyung was, he shrugged his shoulders with a tight-lipped smile, announcing, “That’s for me to know and you to find out. You’re not getting more than that.”
“That’s cryptic. It tells me nothing.”
And then he nodded, as if to say, “Exactly!”, shaping his lips into a rectangle when you leaned back with crossed arms and a playful pout. Reassuring, he patted your elbow, close to where the curve of your breasts started, and you sucked in a sharp breath.
His fingers were far from touching you the way you’d started dreaming of – yet you couldn’t help but notice the tension, the sense of nervousness, and how on edge you were around him. You didn’t know in which ways you craved him, but you knew that he’d become a lingering presence in your mind.
“Don’t worry,” he sang-song, “I want to write you a poem one day.”
“Me?”
“Mhmmm… just write down whatever comes to mind. You make me want to write those.”
“Why?”
“Because,” Taehyung began, his deep voice falling deeper, your name rolling off his tongue before he said, “poetry is gorgeous. And you’re gorgeous. Inside and out.”
“Taehyung–”
The sentence you attempted to utter, of whatever stuttering mess it would’ve consisted of, vanished into thin air when another holler of his name sounded across the room. It overshadowed your whisper and made the man in question flinch, and he turned to find another one of his friends trudging over to your table.
In his calloused fingers lay a violin, used and old, though pieces of its gracefulness remained the way they always do with gentle instruments. The man sported a beard so thick that you could barely see his lips move, but the glimmer and glitter in his eyes were vibrant enough to showcase every trace of happiness he felt.
And as far as you could tell, he liked Taehyung.
“You haven’t played for us all night!” he said, and Taehyung’s eyes blew wide.
He looked back at you as if his friend had answered a riddle unsolved hitherto. But when you gasped, obviously thrilled, some of his worries seemed to fall, like he was waiting for your permission. Asking silently whether you were okay with it.
“You play the violin?!” you squealed, eyebrows raising and a hand slamming on the table.
“Well, I… a little.”
“A little,” the bearded man retorted, a slight mock in his mature voice, “Taehyung here is just like Snow White enchanting a whole forest.” He leaned in, winking as he mumbled to you, “He sings sometimes, too.”
“No way.” Close to jumping in your seat, you wrapped a hand around his wrist, excitement flooding through you like a high tide. “Just one piece. Please?”
You looked like a doe, staring into his eyes with tiny sparks; there was innocence in your gaze, not the slightest hint of anything evil. It seemed unreal, your being and its pureness, the unfaltering good that you portrayed.
How could he say no to you?
So he stood with a sigh, pointing an accusing finger at you as he warned, “You owe me.”
He snatched the violin from his friend’s hands, the man whose name you still didn’t know, and swayed to the front of the tavern. The fancy rooms your past rendezvous had taken place in couldn’t compare to this place, you were sure.
Because of the cheers and the clinking of cups, the whistling and cheer of Taehyung’s name – you couldn’t have met this level of merriment anywhere else.
But when Taehyung placed the violin on his shoulder, lifting the bow, everyone present fell silent as though they were witnessing the event of the century. Here and there, you heard a hissed “Psst”; could feel the intense pricking up of ears.
And when he played, you knew why.
Because the melody, full of melancholy and yearning, nostalgia and affection, reverberated through your body. It struck a chord you hadn’t known yet, a rhythm so wonderful that you caught yourself sighing half a dozen times.
Your fingers wrapped around the edge of the desk, keeping you steady; you didn’t know whether it was the beer or Taehyung’s skills that were pushing you into dizziness.
His eyes were closed, eyelashes brushing his cheeks. He was pouting, focused on the rich tones he played, the crease between his eyebrows appearing and vanishing every now and then. The piece, whether his original or not, was soft and gentle, similarly to him; yet powerful, touching.
You were used to the piano; growing up, you’d heard your mother play at least one morning a week, and you’d admired the soft flutter of her fingers over the keys throughout all those years. The violin was different. It was louder, shriller – but Taehyung managed to remind you of your mother’s gentle musical abilities within seconds.
The bow in his hand shook until it hit the last note; and when the music died down, thunderous applause replaced it momentarily.
You only noticed you’d stood up when his eyes shifted to yours and your knees almost buckled. You’d clapped your hands wound, loudly and smiling, your eyes damp from the emotions two or three mere minutes had evoked in you.
Taehyung touched you with his words… touched you with music. When you held his stare, sniffling and oddly proud, you wondered how he’d feel and what he’d say if he touched your skin, too.
Because… you thought his body would wrap around yours like a dream. You imagined the same tunes would play in the background when his lips roamed your shoulders, his hands on your waist, pulling you closer.
For a moment, you pretended that you were all he saw and knew, and that the man, desired by the whole room, was your acquaintance, yours for the night – and yours only. Which didn’t mean anyone else got the hint – because as soon as he stepped off the non-existent stage, greedy hands pulled him aside.
Giggling girls immediately threw questions and compliments his way, fingers fiddling with the fabric of his clothing. One of them brushed back his soft, dark hair – you’d never touched it before, no matter how much you’d desired to do so.
You didn’t think much of it – your gaze wandered low, your mind ridding itself of thoughts about their fingers roaming his body, planting charming offers into his head. But when you looked up again, he was staring back. Never looking away.
Like he was silently pleading to skip the moment and be in your proximity again.
It took him seconds that you counted to escape the greasy grips of the hungry pack of lionesses, and his feet carried him to you in a matter of moments as he offered, “Let’s go.”
The night was still young – but you ached to be alone with him. And judging the telling smirk in his face, you assumed that he’d had enough of the chaos, too.
You felt giddy, somewhat dazed when he offered his hand and pulled you out of the tavern. And though he let your palm go once outside, you didn’t miss the blur in his eyes either. Despite the mist, however, you thought you recognised firm hardness behind the gentle, sweet honey in his pupils.
You remembered the secrets he harboured; secrets that you thought he wanted to spill, secrets you wanted to know about. But detecting the hardness, you couldn’t quite shake the feeling there was something about him that might break your heart.
No matter how lovely he was, there was still overt caution in your movements and actions that he was steadily destroying. You wanted to heed the dangerous signals his mysterious being sent, but there was also an aura of comfort surrounding him that pulled you back.
The coldness, however…
“That was wonderful,” you told him as you walked down the path, straight to where your house stood.
“I’m happy you enjoyed it.”
“Everyone did.”
“They always do. But I played it for you.”
But you wondered, if he said that every night he went there – if there was a certain someone, or a new someone he played for each time he touched the violin. Why was he not as transparent as you? Why, with the puzzles his mind consisted of, did he unconsciously plant confusion in your head?
And why, with the despair that flashed each time you detected he was hiding something, did it seem like he was not only attempting to escape himself, but his own riddles, too?
You were sure that behind his chest, there was a stone instead of a heart. That in reality, it was fear, or perhaps numbness, and that he was desperately trying to fight it.
But when he’d touched your hand, dragged you outside, his skin had felt like silk. Soft, tender. Ambiguous, dual.
Overwhelmed and figuring out why your chest burned, you could barely breathe when he escorted you home. Your arms kept brushing, fabric between you rustling. His fingers ran through his tresses, and your heart raced some more; the fuzzy feeling in your stomach made you want to scream.
Did he have poems for this emotion, too?
And you hated it when you arrived at your door, darkness engulfing the quiet night. Stars shone onto you brightly, but they weren’t enough to function as proper light. But when he moved closer… forcing you backwards… hands behind his back – you reckoned you didn’t need to see him to go insane anyway.
“I want to see you again,” he whispered, speaking over the hooting of the owls, “will you let me see you again?”
You hadn’t hinted that this was your final night together even once. You didn’t know where his sudden worries came from, but you would’ve been a fool to not soothe them.
“Yes,” you answered, tipsy and nearly panting; sure that both your breaths were mingling. At least, you could feel his warmth brush your cheeks. “I want to see you again as well.”
“You do?”
Reflexively, your shaky hand travelled up his torso and settled on his chest when he inched closer – even though his clothes covered the entirety of his skin, he felt warm, his body broad. You wondered if your touch affected him at all. Lured him in more.
But he didn’t let you know of his inner turmoil, if there was any, or perhaps you were too tired and gone to notice. The only words you registered, sounding over the thump of your heart, were, “What did you think of tonight?”
“I… I loved it.”
“Good.”
“Did you, too?”
“I don’t know,” he murmured, tilting his head slowly, “I can’t remember doing anything but looking at you.”
His fingertips touched the back of your hand, still resting on his chest as if to keep a distance between you. You’d wanted him close all night – but now you thought that if his body moved towards you just a bit more, he’d feel your chest explode.
Taehyung didn’t attempt any more tonight, though.
He smiled the way he always did; brushed aside his hair once more; readied himself to walk away. And when the ringing in your ears finally stilled, you noticed a beat against your hand.
No stone underneath his ribs after all.
Taehyung was fond of Sunday mornings, and you soon learned why.
The world was sound asleep at those early hours. On a free day, when no work or education called, people tended to sleep in and dream some longer. But not Taehyung.
He always said that indulging in dreams didn’t mean a thing if your body didn’t move an inch off the bed. Taehyung pulled his dreams from his memory and gathered them in his palm; then, he blew them into the air like glitter and followed their traces.
He made reality his dreams and lived his days chasing whatever he declared beautiful and worthy enough to chase. And beauty truly did lay in the eye of the beholder – because he found dazzling perfection in things that you didn’t before.
In small alleyways. In thunderstorms. Dirty taverns, abandoned old homes, odd looking wildflowers.
By spending time with him, you’d learnt how to value tiny moments in life and how days were about being productive. Not that it was bad to do nothing sometimes, but pretty dreams were just pretty dreams after all – hard to let go but easy to forget.
And the endless hours you walked around with him, letting him guide you through unknown places, showed you without fail that his words were memorable when he uttered them with both your eyes open. They locked into your memory easier than when he roamed your dreams, soon becoming one himself.
Those days… that was before he’d turned things into a nightmare.
“Who can say then exactly what I feel, and maybe this is a deep sin,” Taehyung murmured, breathing in, eyes lifted to the sun.
The canoe swayed lightly, following the path of the river, and your eyes darted from water lilies to his body. His back was pressed against the low walls of the wooden boat, legs stretched and crossed. He had his trousers rolled up and the collar of his shirt danced in the summer breeze.
This was the most relaxed you’d ever seen him – you wondered if he’d truly brought you here because you’d mentioned it or because it brought him a sense of peace, too.
You didn’t know what you enjoyed more: the tranquillity and clarity he wallowed in, utterly endearing and gorgeous, or the flutter of your heart he’d caused merely an hour ago. The fog in your mind had settled with intention to stay the moment you noticed where he’d taken you.
He’d told you to cover your eyes and pulled you into a random direction, insisting that you weren’t allowed to ruin the surprise. Only, the surprise wasn’t as random as you thought – and in all honesty, having recognised the bushes and tree lines at the beginning, you somewhat guessed where he was taking you.
And suddenly, you were here, stepping into a canoe with a gaping mouth; you shook your head in delight, squeezing his hand, and thanked him a thousand times for not only his attentiveness but for bringing you genuine happiness on this Sunday morning, too.
If there were ways to fall into the abyss that he was any deeper, then you’d found at least one of them. And you couldn’t climb to the surface anymore.
“You can’t end it here,” you told him, patting his ankles from the other side of the boat. “You need to give me the whole poem or nothing.”
“That’s half the fun, though. Take it as a riddle and find out about it,” Taehyung joked, turning the smile into a candied chuckle when he heard you groan. “Fine. I’ll give you a name. Sophie Albrecht. The rest is your problem.”
“You’re incredibly insufferable.”
“I must be doing something right if you’re still here, though,” he remarked, blinking before he shot you a look. He shut one of his eyes close again, squinting at you as a finger rubbed his eyelids. “I’m seeing stars.”
“Well, that’s because you’d been ignoring me for ten minutes.”
“I was not ignoring you,” Taehyung defended, playfully outraged and shocked, “I was thinking of you.”
His flattering words hit you like a brick every single time. They erupted out of nowhere, like lava from a volcano, flooded and burned your lungs and heart beyond recognition. Bashfully, you stared back at the fish in the water, questioning, “What could you be thinking about me?”
“Right now? How the poem fits you,” he answered, leaning forward, “you and me, both.”
“Oh.”
“But…” He hesitated, followed your gaze to the fish before he stared back and you met his eyes. “I catch myself thinking about you a lot… these days.” You thought he noticed the moment your heart jumped out of your chest – because something flickered in his eyes, mirroring danger and longing, and he whispered, “You’re like a damn fever.”
Taehyung’s personality, albeit captivating, was tinged with diffidence. It showed when he brought you to new places, nervous to gauge your reaction. You saw it when you walked towards him in the first few moments. And you knew about the timidness that sometimes surfaced when he recited his poems.
But when he let his heart speak and flattered you with whatever floated through his mind, most of his nervousness faded immediately. He never feared your reactions then, because he knew he had nothing to lose – instead, he made you lose your sanity.
The chirping of birds pulled you back into reality. Your surroundings cleared and the blur dispersed, though Taehyung still enjoyed your unwavering focus, building the centre of the image you were staring at.
Being with him was like a trance – you never noticed you’d slipped into it until something broke you out of it.
You cleared your throat and sucked in a breath between your teeth. You ran a finger along the edges of the boat, brushing against the paddle, and told him, “You didn’t have to do this, by the way.”
“Do what?”
You gestured to the trees and the water. “Bring me all the way out here.”
“It’s alright. I enjoy the view, too.”
But most of the time, he’d been looking at you.
“I…” you began, pulling your legs closer to your body to place your chin on your knees. “I was thinking. And I’d really love to read a book of yours.”
Taehyung’s face lit up for a moment, but then fell again. Unspoken emotions suddenly invaded his peace before he let his smile fall and said, “You won’t find any book by me.”
“Why not?”
This wasn’t the first time he was telling you that – but he never disclosed his reasoning either. Today, however, you leaned into him, still keeping a safe distance, touching his calves as you insisted, “Why not? Are you really a writer, Kim Taehyung?”
It was supposed to be a light-hearted joke; some of his forehead wrinkles disappeared, but he still seemed on edge. Teeth nibbled on his lower lip, hair covering his drooping eyes, and his head fell, eyes staring at the wooden ground of the boat between his legs.
And you decided to drop the topic once and for all before he suddenly admitted, “I… wrote under a different name. A pseudonym.”
The information hit you with full force.
You shouldn’t have been surprised – he was a mystery, an enigma, a puzzle, riddle; whatever you’d already used to describe him as. There were probably a gazillion things you didn’t know about him – but perhaps it was the change in identity that threw you off so suddenly.
Because to you, he was Kim Taehyung.
You couldn’t imagine him as anyone else – his words belonged to him. His face, his hands, his voice, his body. They were undoubtedly Kim Taehyung and no one else; but now, he was another persona?
“May I know?” you tried, quiet and unsure.
“Maybe one day.”
“That’s unfair, I–”
You didn’t get to defend your point of view or urge to read his thoughts any further – because without prior warning, the water left to your boat broke, the shimmering surface disturbed when waterlife meddled with your peace of day.
It was a fish bigger than your head, flapping through the air, aggressive and attacking, and had your boat not moved forward in the meantime, it would’ve landed either on your lap or in the boat. Flapping some more, grappling for air, so utterly stupid to jump out of the river in the first place.
With a yelp, you fell backwards awkwardly, close to waving the canoe goodbye when strong and firm hands wrapped around your waist and pulled you in. Struck with fear, you flailed your arms the way the fish’s body had, almost breaking Taehyung’s jaw and bringing the boat to a dangerous shake.
The water had long cleared and calmed down again when the carp, you assumed, had gone back to swim in the peaceful river. You steadied your stagnant breaths, letting your body go limp in his grip. And only when the temporary shock subsided, did you properly realise what was happening.
Taehyung was silent. Arms still around your waist, he didn’t make a move to let go just yet – instead, you stayed just like that, unconsciously pressing yourself into him. He took in your scent; brushed back the strands of hair that had escaped.
Then, he swallowed; and you couldn’t see his face, but you thought he sported a bewitching beam when he asked, “Are you hurt?”
You shook your head immediately, planting your palms on his hands, breathing, “No. I’m alright. Thank you…”
Taehyung’s lips roamed close to your heated cheek, fingers escaping from underneath your hands to play with more loose hair strands of yours. His heartbeat hammered against your back and synchronised with your own sometimes; rapid in one moment, seemingly still as the water in the next.
And you didn’t understand your surroundings or recognised them as what they were until he whispered into your ear, “The bridge you love.”
With the way his fingertips explored clothed parts of your body, ghosting over your sides and your clavicles, you couldn’t keep your deepest desires veiled as you had until now. The goosebumps on your bare wrists and underarms were too telling, your shaky breaths and gasps too obvious.
You looked up into his face, eyes locking on his lips, and caught him staring back. His mouth was parted and his gaze hooded, darker than usual; the waters in it weren’t as calm as the ones surrounding you.
“Taehyung,” you mumbled, and he almost missed it, your voice timid and thin. “Tae–”
You whimpered when his hand travelled along your neck before it came to a halt on your jaw. The boat swayed, though remaining steady, but there was a tumult raging in your heart that made you dig your nails into his arms.
Hissing, he brought his free fingers down your body, touching your stomach and your hip over your dress. Tugged at the fabric until he revealed your legs, up to your knees, enraptured by your skin and your trembling limbs.
“May I?”
The deep baritone of his voice vibrated against your temple, lips barely touching your hair. You couldn’t recall how long you’d been waiting for this moment; when the profound yearning had started.
But as you closed your eyes, a smile spread on your face and a fire expanded in your stomach. It burned the butterflies and gave way to seething pleasure and longing; and seeking salvation, you nodded, whispering a single, “Yes.”
The pads of his digits pressed into your thigh immediately, and you sighed, attempting your best to trace his movements with your eyes. But they kept fluttering shut, giving into whatever he was doing or trying to do.
He painted circles and other forms onto your skin, wandering the way up to where your most sensitive part lay covered. Taehyung moved slowly – but you wiggled in his grip, eagerly and silently begging.
The image of you, pliant in his grasp, had floated in his craving mind for longer than today. He couldn’t remember what he’d imagined or what he’d fallen asleep to. You had become his new cube, a new imaginary paradise to retreat to; that’s all he truly knew.
But this.
You.
Outside of the fantasies he indulged in under the sheets, alone in his dark bedroom, feeling the phantom touch of your hands all over him.
And his hands all over you.
He didn’t have a clue how, but you were astonishing beyond belief, right here in the real world. And for possibly the first time in his life, he muttered, “I don’t know what to say.”
Your breath hitched when he pushed against your soaked panties; and then your heart stilled when he pushed them aside slowly. You bit your lower lip, dizzy from the motions of the boat, dizzy from his touch; but somehow, you still managed to remark, “You… you always know what to say.”
“Not with you.” A pause, and then quieter, lower, “Not right now.”
“You call yourself… a writer.”
“No… a fool.”
His hands pushed your legs apart, holding your panties to the side, before his fingers touched your dampness ever-so-slightly. You could barely feel them ghosting over your heat, humming and crazed; but when he pressed a digit between your nether lips and dove into the wet sensation carefully, you thought you were losing your mind.
“Taehyung,” you repeated, and he pulled your body up, further into his lap. “I–”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been wanting this.”
“Me too.”
“Ever since I first saw you.”
Shit. Fuck.
What was he supposed to tell you? That you were a haunting demon, stalking his dreams and thoughts and mind every waking second? That he couldn’t stop thinking of you, of your smile, your body, your touch?
That whenever he closed his eyes, he wondered how you tasted, how you felt under him, trapped and pinned; his lips on your shoulder, your neck, your mouth. That there were so many things he needed to tell you, but that would never topple off his tongue, because he was scared.
Scared that you’d fall deeper. That he’d fall deeper. Scared of how far you’d dig to learn things about him. Scared of what you’d think once you found out.
“Please,” you suddenly pleaded, looking at him, guiding his hand to the bundle of nerves with the same innocence written in your eyes as always.
To Taehyung, you were the most sensual and most ironic free verse poem ever written.
“Please.”
“God, the patience,” he said, two endlessly long fingers rubbing your clit before they found their way back to the entrance – and pushed in, “you have none of it.”
You gasped and moaned, pushing yourself up some more, entirely delirious when you felt his arm close in around your chest. He held you pressed against his body, and the hand not shoving his fingers into you snuck its way up to your neck. Pressed into your skin.
Then moved down, eyes falling at your dekolleté as he tugged at the strings bound to a bow. With your dress loosened around your chest, he explored the warmth of your flesh further, digging underneath the clothing until he let his fingers pinch your erect nipples.
He was too much… his hands cupping your breasts, kneading and scratching, enjoying the feeling of you… you were perishing inside.
“I’ve more than you know,” you cried out.
His fingers pushed in and out of you tenderly, the sounds hot and lewd; he curled them and rubbed the same spot over and over again, moaning in unison with you. His thumb soon settled on your aching nub, circling it slowly – you were astounded and surprised.
None of your previous flames or affair had ever known to handle a woman like this. Taehyung knew what he was doing; and it filled you with jealousy, intrigue and contentment.
“Untrue,” he contradicted, dying a small death each time you winced and moaned, “you’re always in such a hurry.”
“I’m… I’m not.”
“Pity. So what if I left you high and dry?” he questioned, biting into your earlobe before soothing the ache with a kiss. “If I just…”
And suddenly, you were empty, his fingers gone, and you protested, close to tears. “No. I… please, finish it, I’m–”
“You’re… what?” Taehyung teased, kissing your temple. “What do you want?”
“What I want?” you asked, mock apparent in your voice, mixed with a hint of irritation and frustration. “What do you think?” The volume of your voice grew, and you spat your next words, “What do you think have I wanted from the very freaking begi–”
This time, you didn’t get a warning.
This time, you gasped for air, surprised by the hand wrapping around your throat like a necklace. He pushed your head back and up, against his shoulder, wet kisses landing on your jaw; his tongue was hot and dizzying against your skin, calming in contrast to his light nips.
He shoved his fingers into you with a welcoming yet unforeseen force, pumping harshly, watching your body lift from his lap and fall back repeatedly. Sometime during your sins on the river, you felt the hardness of his length poke against your bottom, throbbing and hungry.
And you didn’t need to guess what he was thinking, because he told you, “If I could… I’d ruin you thoroughly. Take you until the sun sets and rises again…” He paused, breathing heavily, relishing your mewls and constant squirms. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful.”
Your waterline dampened and your chin trembled; pleas fell out of your mouth – and before you could count to five, your whole body was quivering, your voice rising. You bit your fist to muffle your noises as every inch of your body collapsed.
Limbs turned weightless and the knot in your stomach dissolved, and as your eyes rolled back in utmost pleasure, you heard him say, “Told you… no patience.”
Only when your shiver calmed down, did he let you go. The hand on your neck fell, fingers drenched in arousal painting a crude trail along your thighs.
You didn’t move off his lap, savouring the moment some more. A fantastical amount of joy coursed your body when the godless lust passed by and gave way to fondness and honey.
Because when his arms wrapped around yours, there was no wicked intention behind it; your dress was long covering your legs again. Instead, you heard nature sing its songs, the river flowing for what felt like hours as his embrace lifted every evil worry you’d ever encountered in your life.
You couldn’t overthink and analyse the situation until the night ended. When he brought you home and left again, tinted cheeks smiling at you as his fingers tucked your hair behind your ears.
Your beam was bright when you let your door shut behind you tonight – and your knees were weak, so weak that you dropped against the heavy door, enraptured and falling.
This was the point of no return.
NOW
There had never been a point of return.
In retrospect, you were doomed when you saw him for the first time. You should’ve known that he was going to end you thoroughly, that you would never be able to go back to how your life was before you knew him.
Sometimes, you ask yourself if you should’ve been more incessant. If you should’ve prodded more, demanded answers to your questions, not let him keep his damned mysterious mask on that he loved so much.
You wipe the dust off your old poetry book, combing the pages for the words you have memorised by now. Taehyung was right – he couldn’t tell you what more Sophie Albrecht’s poem consisted of. Because if he had, you’d known what had bubbled in his heart.
Because the poetess spoke about drunken love; fervent kisses; yearning and pining and longing, intense and torturous… magnificent and beautiful.
And yet with passionate lingering, my mouth stays glowing at your lips.
You shut the book and let your eyes drift over the pile you pulled out of your shelf. You place the poetry next to a novel; one that you have probably read a couple hundred times. The name of the author calls upon a burning, piercing sting; today, of course, you understand why he’d never told you his pseudonym, but his birth name.
You laugh.
The only truth he ever told you voluntarily, without you having to pull it out of him, was his name.
Kim Taehyung.
You were the only one who knew that he’d been born as Kim Taehyung. The only thing he ever confessed to you so blatantly.
And other than that… Why couldn’t he confide in you? And why did he disappear, left you in your melancholy, everlingering and everstaying.
Taehyung… this can’t be what your wonderful phenomenon of fate had written out for the both of you.
THEN
The first time Taehyung opened the gate to his little, humble home, he led you into his office holding your hands gently.
Your fingers were wounded and aching from stitching several dresses yesterday, and had he not taken your palm into his, greeting you with a tender kiss on the back of your hand, you might not have said anything at all.
But he had top notch remedies to soothe the sting your needles caused; and while he came up with the idea, he used his medical kit as the ultimate excuse to keep you closer to him. In his own four walls, showing you where he slept and ate. To him, this was a sense of intimacy – because it wasn’t as though he brought home a girl every day.
Or at least, not anymore.
“I’m fine,” you assured, slowing down your steps. He was walking backwards and close to you, squeezing your hand, drowning in your eyes. “We can go anywhere you want. I know you despise being at home.”
“I don’t mind,” he said, the same as usual, “and it feels a bit more like home with you in it.”
Your cheeks heated up and you giggled like a child, tilting your head as you fell for him harder, deeper. He let your hands go once inside his office, and the shadows in his face darkened, merely dim rays of the sun shining between his curtains and into the room.
His touch, however, didn’t leave your body just yet – because within a second, he had you pulled into his body, one hand on your back, the other palm on the side of your neck.
Since you knew Taehyung, your lips had never touched his. But after the incident on the boat, something between you had cracked. Like every semblance of courage was suddenly roaming free. The way he hugged you, the way he touched you.
It wasn’t what good acquaintances did.
But you two… not quite friends. Not quite lovers.
”The utmost share of my desire shall be… only to kiss the air that–”
“That lately kissed thee,” you finished, proud and satisfied, “I have read this one for once.”
Taehyung laughed airily, and you saw his soul floating and jumping behind his eyes. Stars twinkled in his pupils once again, bringing night at bright noon. You felt enamoured and faint – you’d never considered that a warm hand on your neck could twist your guts like this.
“I missed you all night,” Taehyung whispered; you didn’t know which night he meant. You hadn’t seen or talked to him in a week. But he clarified, “I missed you every night. And every day. Every damn moment, even when I slept.”
Taehyung was a writer… he was a writer indeed.
And he sucked you in the way your favourite novels did.
Your breaths accelerated as though you had run up a hill – nearly panting, unsteady, anticipating. His nose brushed yours as he moved closer, his mouth parting and eyes shooting daggers of affection into yours.
“Do you ever miss me, too?”
Did you miss him?
Do stars miss the moon when it’s not full? Does the shore survive without waves? Did a life without Kim Taehyung still exist, still sound imaginable?
Did you ever miss him, too?
“Taehyung,” you mumbled, hands on his chest, fumbling with the two open buttons of his shirt, “does anyone ever escape you?”
“I always want to escape myself,” he admitted. You still didn’t quite know what he meant; those statements weren’t rare, but you still couldn’t make him lay open his heart entirely. “But I don’t want you to escape me.”
Taehyung wasn’t made of stones. His body didn’t consist of a cold rock; behind his chest, a bleeding heart pounded.
Taehyung was all cotton and silk.
All cotton and silk.
“I don’t want to either.”
And then, he closed in.
Brushed his lips against yours. Hardly breathing, feeling your fingers curl into fists against his chest.
But before his mouth could finally meet yours, a sudden triple knock pulled you out of your red coloured box of affection. You flinched the same moment he did, and your heads shot to the entrance, perplexed and questioning.
Next to the open door, a girl in a nightgown appeared slowly. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest, and her expression was somehow trist. But then she smiled, and you reckoned, the melancholy only inhabited her eyes – that she was young, perhaps twenty years old and that everyone carries a sense of despair at that age.
Drawing a breath, Taehyung’s eyes flickered between her and you, and you were confused – didn’t know why a girl stood in the middle of his room. His place. Pretty and young, smiling, matching his ethereal glow even in a nightgown.
“I think I know who you are,” her almost juvenile voice chimed, and she leaned against the doorframe, her feet bare and her legs crossed. She called your name, dragged and stretched it out. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to know you. Or that he’d bring you home.”
You searched for answers in the room, looking at her with a squint and then at him with wide eyes. What is happening? you were seeming to ask, and Taehyung, albeit hesitant, soon provided an answer.
“She’s my cousin. My mother’s sister’s daughter,” Taehyung explained, fingers still curled into yours, though the warmth of his body had left yours, “her name’s Hana.”
Hana.
Another secret he’d kept from you effectively.
“I didn’t know,” you told her, smiling softly. “It’s good to meet you, Hana.”
In some ways, Taehyung and Hana looked alike. She had the same nose as him. The same dark eyes, soft black hair, full lips that turned into rectangles when she grinned the way she did right now.
“I would’ve been surprised if you had known. Taehyung enjoys being a mystery.”
If this wasn’t the truest declaration you’d ever heard.
“Don’t you have studies to do?” Taehyung scolded, hissing through gritted teeth. He was riled up. Not as calm as he usually was. “Or anything else.”
“Yes. Christ,” Hana rolled her eyes, pushing herself off the wall, “I just wanted to come and wish you a good day. I’m gone.”
And then she stepped out, throwing her untamed hair back, announcing one last thing that you didn’t fully understand. But your focus soon shifted to the relieved exhale Taehyung left out, eyes staring at you in apology before he told you, “I will get you something for your fingers.”
“Thank you…”
Why was all of this so odd? Why did the picture of her face, of her and him together, bring a hidden memory or déjà-vu to the surface that was too blurry to make out?
Something chewed at your brain, and you couldn’t help but feel confused.
You pushed the irritating perplexity aside and stepped into the middle of the room to refocus. Turning in a slow circle, you scanned the room in a 360-view, admiring the set-up of his office.
The room was as organised as Taehyung’s thoughts were, every piece of furniture at its place neatly. A chimney stood in front of the sofa, and under the latter, you detected a carpet of dark but soothing colours.
As you walked around in tiny steps, fingers crossed behind your back, you realised how undoubtedly the interior of Taehyung’s place mirrored his personality. Calm, quiet, comforting.
The only misplaced object that disrupted the peace lay on the chair in front of his desk, opened at a random page and its spine worn out. You leaned closer, picking it up to read the first sentences on the page.
Initially, a smile grew on your face, baffled and impressed by the otherworldly metaphors and writing style. The words felt pleasant on your tongue as you whispered them, flowing like the calm river water you loved.
You turned the book and peeked at the title; you didn’t recognise it, but the author’s name seemed familiar to you. The concept of the novel was a lost memory itself, but looking at the cover, you thought you could still remember having read this very novel years ago.
But the realisation of its background didn’t hit you until you skimmed the next three pages, diving into the lives of a couple who fell in love and fell apart. A famous author who met the woman of his dreams; the page that you’d opened described their separation, tear-filled, desperate and heartbreaking.
The name of the characters; the sunset the girl gazed into; her movements, her words, his goodbyes.
You knew about them.
You never jumped on the train of bestselling novels much. You preferred underrated writers who no one had heard of, stories hidden in the back of a bookstore that you made your own; deemed your very own world.
Big, supposedly groundbreaking books never captured your attention for too long, so you forgot about them fast.
This one however? How had you forgotten about it? Considering its aftermath… you should’ve recognised things earlier.
But since the confessions written on the yellowed pages had caught your attention, broken pieces of a story you’d heard at gatherings returned. Back when you would go out more, meet couples for coffee and tea, hearing them tattle about people far away.
A stranger country. A writer in an affair with a woman who had gone mad. Claiming the novel was about him and her. An obsession dangerous enough to invade his home and confront him about it.
And he had reacted in a way no author should – no authorities were involved until the woman rested on the ground with closed eyes and a bleeding head. A dish used as a weapon in the writer’s hand.
“I found it.”
The cheerfulness in his voice shattered your heart. You hated that you couldn’t despise him – hated that you’d learned of emotions that you’d never felt before. That despite everything his past consisted of, you couldn’t shake the feeling that Kim Taehyung was a different person from the one you remembered.
Remembering before you had even ever spoken to him.
“You were brave to get so close to me,” you mumbled.
You didn’t know what more to say – you were too scared, your voice too strained, to tell him straightforwardly what you’d seen.
“What?” Taehyung asked, stepping closer.
His hand sunk, his fist closing around whatever he was holding for you. You shook your head, taking a step back, bumping against his table as you held up the book and told him, “Cha Yujin.”
And that was… that was when he froze. Like an ice sculpture, halting in the middle of his steps, gulping with eyes so wide you thought they’d fall out of their sockets.
“How could I not remember?” you reprimanded yourself, sniffling, feeling a hot tear trail down your cheek. “The novel that caused all your problems. And Cha Yujin. You’re… absolutely…”
He called your name, stretching out a hand as he whispered, “Let me explain it to you.”
“You’re revolting. And you touched me. Almost kissed me, for God’s sake, and made me fall for… what, a criminal?”
“No.”
“No?”
”No,” he exclaimed, and you shrunk, dropping the book on the table before you wrapped your arms around your chest and made a move to step out.
Walking past him, however, proved to be the biggest task, much as expected. Because his arm shot out and his fingers wrapped around your wrist, tugging you back to his body before his sad eyes fell on yours.
Kim Taehyung had a wistful and sombre gaze. Even when he was happy, there were hints of dreaminess and quietude. Usually, those skills of his eyes enchanted you. Today, they scared the hell out of you.
“Let me go,” you ordered, fighting out of his grip, but he was stubborn.
“I need to explain…”
“You can’t possibly explain this.”
“I’m not…” he started, jabbing holes of desperation into you, “please, I wouldn’t hurt you, I promise, I–”
You stilled, crying, out of your mind and fearing the worst.
“I could never hurt you.”
“But you would and could hurt someone else,” you argued, pulling back once his fingers loosened, “you did hurt someone else.”
But he was still shaking his head when you backed away. When you closed the distance between you and the door, eager to walk out, scared beyond sanity. And the fright in your head only grew once he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
And to yourself, your heart, the time you’d wasted… you were sorry, too.
It had rained last night.
The pavement was still damp and drying, and clouds still hung over the town gloomily. Today was a little colder than you were used to from the summer, and you rubbed the skin of your wrist, wearing a thin dress that had already earned you some questioning stares.
Or perhaps, it was your tears.
Your form sat on a bench in a stranger park, ignoring every single body passing by you in slow motion. You couldn’t register the way they were regarding you; there were bigger clefts in your world. Ones that you were trying so desperately to mend.
It was absurd to expect instantaneous relief; but what else could you hope for with the constant cuts injuring your heart?
You couldn’t remember anymore when you’d run away. When you’d left his neighbourhood behind and found this very bench. When it had become so cold, or how long you’d been crying and pitying yourself.
All you knew was that the steps approaching came way too fast. And you wanted them gone; you weren’t ready for further grief, couldn’t take whatever they needed you to hear.
“Did he tell you to come?” you asked, your voice breaking and fragile. “To lie more for him.”
“No,” Hana said, calm and firm. She had her hands folded in front of her body, her movements careful. “He didn’t want me to come here because of what happened.”
“This is ridiculous and you both kno–”
“What is? What’s ridiculous?” Hana inched closer, shrugging her shoulders with a pained expression on her face. “That he’s trying to start a new life? That he found you on the way? That I’ve never seen him this happy… or falling this hard.”
Your tears returned in full force, and you wiped them away with the back of your hand – to no avail, because there were too many of them, endless and stinging. You took a deep breath, rubbing your wet cheeks, and slowly, quietly, said, “I can’t hear this. I don’t…”
“And I cannot let you tap in the dark. Or let you keep asking yourself why he did what he did, because you will never find peace like that,” Hana stated, and you despised how much sense her logic made. “He didn’t want me to come because he’d rather you hate him than me.”
“I don’t… I don’t know you, Hana.”
“And you don’t need to.” She flattened her dress and tucked it under her legs before she took a seat next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder that you almost shook off again. “But listen to me.”
Your head was spinning by the time she attempted to start her story. Your body felt as though it was physically moving in circles, and you held onto your head, letting it fall between your shoulders.
“Cha Yujin didn’t die.”
Hana’s voice was faint, echoing. It mingled with your surroundings; the chirping of birds and the quiet chatter of passengers. But her words were sharp, cutting through your mind, widening your eyes.
Your head shot up in a sudden motion, too fast for its liking and it still spun and swirled when you murmured, “What?”
“Yujin is alive. And she’s not the victim that the police and newspaper made her out to be.”
“Where… what happened?”
“She was a reader of his. Knew every word of the novel he’d written. But she was also one of the secret affairs he’d had.”
Something about her tone and her revelation threw your heart into a pit. To all the things you thought you knew, this information didn’t belong. You wondered if anyone knew – wondered if whatever had happened years ago had ever reached at least part of the public eye.
“Taehyung used to enjoy a lot of women’s company. Back when his name was still known all over the country, it was easy for him to find the next bed to jump into. And Yujin was similar… just. Went on for a longer time.”
You listened intently, though your brain begged and urged you to blend it out. You didn’t know what hurt more – the partial truth in the crime story, Taehyung’s old habits or the assumption that you might have been another one of his… pleasures.
And you didn’t know which thought to focus on.
“And Yujin was convinced that the novel… a romantic one at that… was about him and her,” Hana continued, fiddling with her fingers, visibly nervous. “So she came to our home. Long after my parents had died, and I’d started living under Taehyung’s wing. She came to our home and claimed she just wanted to talk.”
She shook her head, sucking in a shaky breath, eyes drooping in exhaustion, “And they did talk. He told her no woman had inspired the novel. She couldn’t accept that… to the point that she started yelling and throwing things, and Taehyung had to build a barrier of chairs so she wouldn’t hurt him.”
In the middle of the narrative, she silenced, swallowing the knot of distress, and in a moment of odd solidarity, you put a warm hand on her knee and spurred her on, “And then?”
And then.
Hana elaborated on the curses and threats Yujin had thrown Taehyung’s way. Described the scars and harmless wounds he’d shown his cousin after everything had ended. They weren’t deep, but they reminded him of the night for days; not that there was any reality in which he could forget anyway.
Yujin had physically opted to attack Taehyung, and he had never lifted a finger against her, enduring because he was certain she would have had enough in just a second. But when the anger advanced, and the girl slipped into incurable mania, Hana stepped out of the room that she’d promised to not leave.
No matter what happened.
“But I couldn’t just let her hurt him,” her voice was quivering, and she kept repeating her sentences, calming her mind and her nerves, “and I saw this… this kettle standing on the dining table. I swear I didn’t want to knock her out like that, but I didn’t know what to do and I promise it was just self defence, so–”
You rubbed her knee in reassurance, cooing at her, but she couldn’t help the tears that started flowing. They collected on her chin and fell in droplets, eyelashes wet and long – strangely, you couldn’t muster the strength to cry.
Not now. Not when the whole story was ridiculous, bewildering.
Was she making it up?
She didn’t look like it.
“What happened to Yujin then?” you asked softly. You didn’t know if empathy outweighed your curiosity – but you needed the truth.
“Mental institution…” is all Hana mumbled, stopping for a minute as she stared at a distant fleck in the sky.
Terror had spread across her face and her chest; she said that even today, she sometimes felt her fingers tremble the way they had that day. When they had seen the unconscious body on the ground, half breathing, somewhat alive.
You wondered whether she was thinking about it now, too. Whether you were supposed to shake her out of her grief and fears.
“Taehyung never let me tell anyone the truth. Took the blame and was considered guilty without testifying. He was barely allowed to defend himself, because the police in our town were corrupt. Which was ridiculous, because Taehyung wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Hana continued, still shaken by her story and memories, “Yujin’s family is richer than any of Taehyung’s books could make him.”
“He took the blame for you?”
“He said he’d promised to take care of me. He decided to do it this way.”
“I don’t understand,” you said, rubbing your forehead, processing whatever you’d heard and gotten told, “how did the both of you get here then?”
Hana smiled, but her eyes portrayed different emotions. Her tears had subsided, her stare tired; she looked exactly how you presumed she felt.
Like someone who had carried the weight of sorrow for years, and now voiced parts of it – unfathomable feelings that had gathered in a ball of stress had been released into the open. You couldn’t imagine how fatigued she felt.
“We… we fled. Before they could capture us.” You drew the pleasant evening air to stop the whirling of your mind, not believing what you had gotten yourself into. She looked at the horror in your face, defending, “You don’t understand. They would have jailed him and tortured him. They loved Yujin’s family and would have killed Taehyung if they’d wanted that.”
The thoughts and possibilities she listed were scarring. Even though they weren’t real, just what could have been, what never had been – they gutted you, stabbing your heart, entangling your thoughts.
“The public did not talk about his birth name. They knew his ridiculous pseudonym, so coming here, living his life as Kim Taehyung… even if he barely spoke about his identity… was an easy way out.”
Now that she pointed out all these things, you realised that it hadn’t been his name that you’d found familiar when he’d introduced himself to you. It was his face, and you’d most likely seen it somewhere when his story blew up, in passing.
“I know… It’s why he never lets me read his books…”
She blinked at you in slight disbelief – you couldn’t tell why. But the emotion vanished as soon as it had emerged, and you ignored the short flicker of it when she continued.
“I suppose so. We came a long way,” Hana concluded, sniffling and wiping her eyes, “from a place far away. None of us can risk anything. And… I know it’s a lot to ask, and I don’t hold any expectations from you. But I would do anything for you to… to not spread our secrets.”
You removed your hand from her knee, entwining your fingers to keep them from digging into your palm. “I am not sure what to tell you.”
“Nothing… I just…”
The wind blew and chilled your bones – it had gotten even colder without you noticing, and despite nature’s warning to get home soon, you didn’t move an inch. Instead, you heard her speak on.
“Back then… Taehyung, he saw it all, but– he never speaks about it. Just keeps taking the blame,” Hana added in a whisper, and you leaned in, perking up your ears, “I can sometimes hear him whimper in his sleep. But those nightmares…”
In the beginning, Taehyung had told you that he didn’t like to dream. That he enjoyed walking into the world and around the globe, seeing places, speaking to people, watching the sun set and rise, gazing at the stars and the moon, observing the slow floating of the clouds.
You never considered the presence of nightmares as a trigger – but then again, he had begun listing his dreams more often these days. As though he had found a liking in them, discovered a corner of his brain that didn’t conjure grotesque images of his past.
“They are less frequent now,” Hana continued. Her eyebrows furrowed; she looked at you as if her mind was lighting up with an epiphany. As if she had grasped something she hadn’t quite thought about before. “Since he started spending time with you.”
But you shook your head, flinching at the sudden clump in your throat. It constricted, and you swallowed, sighing before you said, “Hana, I’m… I can’t be hopeful with th–”
“I mean it,” she interrupted, her gentle words accompanied by the subtle rustling of the trees, “it doesn’t wake me up at night anymore. I don’t have to leave my bed to wrap my arms around him anymore. And I cannot remember the last time I stayed awake talking to him.”
“Hana…”
“Think about it.” Her fingers wandered to your shoulder and she pulled you in, her tone still calm but keener now. “Taehyung doesn’t just talk about himself to anyone. He didn’t just open up to you, even somewhat, but he brought you home, too. Why?”
You were clueless; or perhaps you weren’t. Perhaps a voice inside your mind, behind your jumbled thoughts, knew what Hana meant, and was telling you what it was, but you were scared of hope. Of love and heartbreak.
So she spelled it out for you.
“Because there must be a reason why he trusted you like that. Maybe he knew you’d find out one day… maybe he wanted you to know, just not yet. Maybe he saw something in you, and he knew you would understand when the time was right. That he would stay with you or fall in love with you. Keep you by his side.”
Falling in love? Love. Love.
At this moment, it was equal to fear.
“I suppose we didn’t get this far.”
“Yet. That’s why you need to stay… that’s what it means. Ensuring someone’s trust. Telling them everything. That he didn’t yet doesn’t show a lack of trust, but fear. Absolute horror,” Hana explained, calling your name, “because you mean something to him, he fears what you might think of this. And of him.”
When does love’s blindness turn into insanity?
Some years ago, your logical side would have known what decision to settle on, who to speak to and where to go. Rethinking all recent events, you thought that you would have taken the mature path even a few months ago.
When you hadn’t known him. When his name meant nothing to you and the string of your memories wasn’t filled with his smile and touch.
But now…
“What should I do?” you whispered into the world, blinking away the dampness in your eyes. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do,” Hana argued. She stood and dusted off her dress, preparing to walk away. “I think you absolutely know what to do. Whenever you feel ready.”
The house’s furniture was elegant and delicate.
Various patterns adorned the wooden pieces; paintings of landscapes and gardens hung in the anteroom; everywhere you looked, the flame of candles flickered gently.
The rooms were coloured golden, laying quiet and still. From afar, you heard fire crackle, and you followed the sound as you’d been told to. Hana assured you it would be fine to walk in unannounced.
But as you neared the office, your steps small and slow, you felt restlessness wrap around your neck. You didn’t know what to say – hadn’t thought of a speech you wanted to deliver, emotions you wanted to confess.
All you knew was that you were shivering. That the last three days you’d gone to sleep, woken up, worked, eaten and fallen asleep again had been cold. The clouds still hung in the dark sky, restricting the view to the stars. The world felt gloomy and your heart stone hard.
Three days of thinking, rethinking, overthinking.
Of yearning and crying, unsure what to say or to do. You still couldn’t believe you were here. Could barely trust your eyes when you entered the office and saw his form, hidden under a blanket.
Not on the davenport, but sitting in front of it, feeling the warmth of the chimney.
You called his name, crossing the room, quick to crouch next to him to improvise the next minutes. But when you looked at him, he was sound asleep. He had pulled the blanket up to his nose, breathing in a peaceful slumber.
His dark hair fell into his face the way it always did, a silver earring dangling from his earlobe and his skin drenched in a homely orange. In front of him lay an open book – the same novel you had touched. You wondered if he’d chosen to read it again, relive whatever it evoked in him.
Closing it, you took a seat next to him, leaning against the sofa. You put your head on his shoulder, cheeks warmed by the blanket; but Taehyung, as you found out, was a light sleeper. Because the moment you touched him, he flinched, eyes shooting up to inspect his surroundings.
And when they found you, his eyelids fluttered until he adjusted to the sight of you.
“Hana spoke to me,” you told him, biting into the inside of your cheek, “she told me the truth about this,” you pointed to the book, “about everything.”
Taehyung nodded, as if he already knew. Hana must have told him before you arrived.
He held your stare until he suddenly looked away. Like you’d burned him with your eyes; like something had told him he wasn’t allowed to stare at you.
“May I?” you asked, pointing at the blanket.
And when he nodded, though with slight hesitation, you smiled in reassurance, wrapping the blanket around your body before you pressed your shoulder against his. “I believe you. Hana and you, both.”
You heard Taehyung’s gulp without looking at him; and pieces of your heart hurt and steamed when he spoke, his voice hoarse, but still so tender, “She said you did.”
A minute of unspoken questions and answers passed in silence, and when you spoke again, you felt the smile on your face, “I may not know you inside out, Kim Taehyung,” your gaze met his and fingers sought his cautiously, “but I know you well enough to understand that you aren’t a bad person.”
His eyes were glassy, drooping; he still appeared to be dreaming. Half asleep.
Your free hand lifted under the blanket, shuddering, and you watched as his eyes closed when your fingertips brushed the skin of his jaw. You traced the sharp line and touched his earring; wandering on until your palm was resting on his cheek, cupping his face.
“We didn’t mean to bring anyone pain,” Taehyung whispered, aching and breaking, “we always considered ourselves good people.”
“You are,” you spoke up, rubbing your thumb against his face, leaning in, “you are. You’re the best man I know.”
“Do you mean that? Are you saying that? Actually saying that?” He leaned into your touch, his chin quivering, and before you knew it, a single drop of tear escaped his eye and landed in your hand. “Or am I hallucinating? Still dreaming…”
“I am here. Right here.”
Taehyung called your name, his deep voice fragile and crumbling. His body seemed limp, as frail as his heart; you had never seen him like this before. You wanted to mend the pain, wanted to assure that you weren’t walking away.
But before you could speak, he whispered your name again, a hand travelling to your waist, towing you closer. His eyes searched for something in your irises, darting up and down, from left to right. Busy hands touched the warmth of your body, squeezing your waist and brushing back your hair.
And then, a new surge of determination inundated his chest; still crying, he promised, “If you ever forgive me… I will try to be better.” He sniffled, breathing heavily, and you could barely believe that you were witnessing the cracking of his soul – seeing what you meant to him. “I will make everything right. I am so sorry, sweetheart.”
“We will find a solution one day… and I’ll be here,” you cooed, shushing his winces; brushing an alleviating hand through his hair. “Do you understand?”
It was too late to escape now. Of course you would stay – ready to live and die by his side. To your past self who hadn’t spoken to him yet, your decision might have appeared comical. Your past self might have taken the other path that night; gone home without approaching any finger food or wine.
Left the event and fallen asleep.
If the flutter of a single butterfly’s wings had been any different… but it hadn’t. And that was alright.
More apologies fell out of Taehyung, accompanied by diminishing tears. Your foreheads collided, him holding you close. Honeyed breaths, steadying, fell against your face, eyes closed.
You didn’t fathom that you were crying until Taehyung wiped your salty grief away, his nose grazing the tip of yours as he – slowly, carefully, suddenly – verbalised, “Your… your fingertips fire cannons made of needles; you puncture my soul, my heart, my bleeding skin.”
Hands tugged you in.
Lips caressed your mouth.
His whisper grew quieter.
”Yet, I remain an utter fool, drowning and blind; seeking the sting of your lips, the most ravishing sin.”
Something about the return of his habit cracked your heart open; like a gush of your usual emotions invaded your heart, everyday conversations breaking the grief and mournful nights. The familiarity threw you back to better days.
When you watched river water flow by and a bridge approach, trapped in his arms, whimpering pleas and his name.
So you cried more, closing your eyes when his lips moved to caress your cheekbones, and you asked, “Who wrote this one?”
Taehyung pecked your cheek, left a line down your face until he was back where your mouth parted. Sweetly and sickening, he admitted, “I did… for you.” His furrowed eyebrows relaxed, and his eyes opened for a moment; his soul was lost and found as he repeated, “I did, for you.”
And that was it.
The final words before he closed the distance. His lips fell on yours like they belonged there; like a puzzle had fallen into pieces. You locked your mouths in place and threw away the key. Weak from the way his plush lips moved, miniscule noises falling out of his throat.
He sighed and gasped against your face, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Your heart leapt and frolicked when he pulled you flush against his chest. He pushed the air out of your lungs; dug his fingernails into your waist and hips.
The kiss was all you registered, and all you lived for, though it was killing you.
Because the touch was intense, laced with passion unmatched. A slow, steady rhythm that only broke when he opened your mouth, whispered your name and let his tongue slither in. You were a labyrinth to him, you noticed – because he lost his way somewhere, then found himself in the core of your being, but never moved past it to the exit.
“Taehyung–” you muttered when he moved to your neck, leaving a series of damp kisses.
“Don’t speak,” he interjected, leaning back, his eyes hungry and sober, “no more talking for tonight.”
So you obliged.
You let him wear out your name; his embrace was the leading compass that night. You allowed him to dive back in, capture your lips, tugging and nibbling at them, tongues dancing.
You drowned in the fever he caused as your back fell against the carpet, the fireplace still flaring and his arms trapping you. The fingers of his hand locked with yours, lips kissing their way to your clavicles and back to your mouth.
And that’s how you remained: clothed, chaste, crazed.
Kissing each other through the night.
Falling, falling, perpetually falling.
NOW
Candle-lit and golden – it was one of the last nights in which reality as you knew it made sense.
You still feel the touch of his lips on your skin. His hands holding your waist, his voice whispering words and promises that must have been fairytales.
The days you spent after this fateful night proceeded just as feverishly. There seemed no border between you, no restrictions and limits. The possibilities, dreams and touches; you remember them all too well.
A hand on your back leading you down a path in the forest; conversations held beside river shores as you nibbled on fruit; your body caged between walls or trees and him. A mouth kissing your neck and your jaw, discovering more of your sounds.
You spent your mornings talking, afternoons drowsy, nights lost in each other. You hadn’t known happiness this unconditional before; and it felt real. Tangible.
Perhaps you should’ve remembered every moment, smile and kiss better.
Because nothing made sense after that.
THEN
Taehyung and you abandoned your rule of weekly strolls through the town and soon advanced them to regular occurrences.
Lovesick and watching through a tinted version, you opened your business earlier in the morning and closed it earlier in the evenings. You would wrap up work to meet him at a previously determined time and place. Or you would visit him at home.
He would visit you at home.
So it didn’t come as a shock when he knocked at your door one night; you’d indulged in a long, warm bath and didn’t expect the interruption tonight. Especially not so long after the sun had set.
Freshly wrapped in a nightgown, you opened the door, greeting a version of Taehyung you’d never seen before.
He was smiling; the way he always did. But his eyes looked distracted and strange, tainted with something you recognised quicker than he probably intended.
“What’s wrong?”
Your immediate worry lit up a nerve in him – because he opened his mouth to speak, his expression baffled for a fraction of a moment before it calmed again. He removed his hand from the frame of your door, stretching his arm.
“Let me come in,” he ordered, albeit softly, kindly as he watched you place your palm in his. But the demand was still different from his usual requests for permission. “Please.”
You nodded and stepped aside, eyebrows still furrowed as you played out the different reasons why he might be here. But as soon as he entered your house, he seemed like a different person.
Or rather, his true self.
Dreamy eyes looked at you, pulling you into his body, and you chuckled, cheeks warming as he said, “I was missing you.”
“Really? That’s why you’re here?”
You swayed lightly in his arm, dancing to music that wasn’t there. His lips barely touched your forehead, taking in your scent, and he uttered, “Mmmh. Just hate being anywhere else.”
“Anywhere else?”
“Anywhere that’s not with you.”
“You’re so…” you thought for a moment, staring up with a playful smirk, “gushy again today.”
Taehyung laughed, his nose touching yours, and you knew he was close to kissing you but not quite. He enjoyed the teases before he dived in; loved to hear your breathing stagnate until he stole it entirely.
“So,” you breathed, your hands settling on either side of his neck, “what have you got for me today?”
He knew immediately what you meant; he smiled, and perhaps, he would’ve broken into hearty laughter too if your eyes hadn’t pushed his attention to them. He stared into your pupils intently, alternating between letting his eyelids flutter open and shut.
That’s why you could never let go of him. Why he mesmerised you so ardently.
Because Taehyung was a tender lover. Lost in dreams, caught up above clouds. He carried a galaxy in his heart and an ocean in his mind – vast and wide; soft and calm.
If you hadn’t felt his touch a hundred times before, you would’ve deemed him a fantasy.
You thought he’d bring you Shakespeare today – you’d talked about him just a few days ago. Or perhaps Jane Austen. But instead, he tangled your thoughts into a tight knot as he leaned in, pecking the corner of your lips, and whispered, “You drive me crazy.”
Being with him… you had gotten used to elegant confessions and a love language manifesting in rhythmic, poetic words. And when he opted for such a mundane confession instead, you felt your heart leap into your throat.
Perhaps because the feeling of having pushed him into speechlessness filled you with pride. Or because of the way he was looking at you.
“This might sound blunt,” Taehyung started, gulping, “but can I stay here tonight?
Taehyung was always unpredictable – today, however, he sounded more suspicious. You wondered if you could pull his thoughts out of him.
“Of course you can. Of course,” you permitted, burying your fingers in the tresses in the nape of his neck, “anything for you.”
The mouth that ghosted over yours closed in, teeth capturing your lower lip before he pulled lightly, let go again and echoed, “Anything for me.”
He didn’t endure for long tonight. His thumb traced the apple of your cheek, the touch affectionate, careful. He began a gentle backward stroll of your bodies, urging you into a specific direction until you’d entered your bedroom.
“What are you doing?” you asked, bewildered by his gaze. “Kim Taehyung, you–”
Your speech broke when the back of your knees hit your bed, and with his weight pushing against you, you fell, his body following suit. His knees dug into the mattress on either side of your thighs, and he leaned in, seeking something in your eyes.
“I just want to touch you,” he responded quietly, palms pressing into your bed, “just want to keep touching you tonight.”
And so he did – as if he was touching you for the first and last time.
His digits brushed back your stray hair before his arm snuck under you, holding onto you, pinning you down with his chest. His free hand brushed along your bare arm, raising it slowly until it was in his firm grip, immobile next to your head.
He kissed the sensitive patch under your ear, loving and captivating. The intimacy was new to you; you didn’t know yet how his bare skin against yours felt. The thought of his burning body on yours, with nothing in between, joggled your heart and left it beating harder.
But no matter how hot his touch, you couldn’t shake the feeling of suspicious unease.
“Is something wrong?” you questioned as he left barely-there kisses on your jaw.
He looked up, blinking at you; and then moved his head from left to right and back, the movement subtle and miniscule. “No,” he answered, his breath warm on your cheek, “absolutely not. This is perfect.”
His words sounded definite and certain, so you stopped questioning his intentions. If he wasn’t ready to lay open the content of his heart or had truly no sorrow to hide, then you weren’t going to push him.
Instead, you let his mouth and hands explore your body. In one moment, he’d hold your wrist tight, and in the next, you’d feel his slender fingers on your chin, embarking on a journey down to your chest. His lips traced your jaw and your neck before they found home on your own again, seeking your tongue and your taste.
Teeth bit your lower lip and pulled at the soft flesh, and you frisked your mind for something to say before he beat you to it and confessed, “Every moment without you has started feeling like…”
Like an empty void. Like advanced boredom. Like a cumulation of silent yearning, heartache and loneliness.
“Not living.” And this. “I feel more alive with you.”
You didn’t grow up with sappy words and deep love confessions. Infatuation never bothered you, and you were proud to say that you were able to move on quickly. You didn’t think, however, that you possessed the power to leave him behind.
“Is that alright?” he asked as his hands tugged at the sleeves of your nightgown.
He slipped one side off your shoulder, baring your skin, and taking in the hint, you nodded eagerly; told him a single hushed, “Yes.”
Eager digits freed you of your clothing; you raised your body to aid him in his quest, shutting your eyes tight, unsure what he might think or say. But to your pleasure, boosting your ego, he pressed a flat hand on your cheek, commanding, “Look at me.”
You obliged cautiously, but didn’t freeze in your movements, turning your insecurities into confidence as you began unbuttoning his shirt. Ripped half open, it hung off one of his shoulders, showcasing his golden chest; glowing, soft, comforting.
Ridding him of his trousers, your eyes locked on the bulge growing under his drawers. You brushed a hand along its confines and outline, hearing a gasp from above, and he retracted; put a distance between you and stood, even if only to kick off the garments.
“You’re making this hard for me,” Taehyung said to you, shaking his head. “So incredibly hard.”
At least that was what you thought you heard – you couldn’t focus much anyway. Your attention had shifted to his veiny hands as they glided along his thighs and cupped the length that had sprung out. Endless fingers wrapped around his shaft, pumping twice, and then he let go again.
“God… Tae…” you mumbled, crawling closer hungrily, thirst burning up your chest.
“Don’t look at me like that…” he said, his voice strained, as though he’d delivered an hour long speech before coming to you. “You can’t dismiss your own beauty and then admire me.”
“Why can I not? You’re…”
But he’d never find out what he was, because in the very next moment, you were kneeling at the edge of your bed. You gripped his cock, looking up at him with a tender expression before you gulped and brought your lips closer to the head of his member.
You gathered a trivial amount of saliva on your tongue, letting it escape through the gape of your lips as he cursed, “Oh… fuck. My dreams could never compare to this.”
“Hmm?”
“I have… thought of this so often.”
You took the last moment to respond with a nearly inaudible, “I have, too” before you began swirling your tongue around his head. He enjoyed the eye contact, going crazy as you sucked in the precum; toying with the sensitive skin.
Your fist, wrapped around his cock, moved up and down, your wrist twisting. For just a moment, you slowed down, tracing the protruding veins, aware of each one of them as you imagined what they’d feel like inside you.
The vivid picture made you shudder, your walls clenching and dripping, and you brought your hand resting on his thigh to your clit. Slow rubs adjusted to the pace of your mouth, bobbing back and forth, taking in his girthy and impressing length as much as your throat allowed.
Breathing hot against his cock, you drew a deep inhale before you dived back in, letting your tongue do its work until spit ran down your chin. Taehyung cherished the small details of your actions; the swish of your tongue over his ridges, slow and focused, and the way your hand wandered up and down his erection before it stilled to toy with his balls.
Taehyung detected your subtle self-pleasuring movements late – but he did. They elicited a light shake of his head, and the fingers previously buried in your hair pushed your body back, eyes watching the string of saliva connecting your mouth and his slit break.
As he observed your breathless form, his hands pried your legs apart, pinning them against the mattress in a sudden motion as he whispered, “I wanna taste you, too.”
But instead of moving straight south, he half fell onto you again; naked this time, nothing separated your skin. And when his body touched yours, it felt like flames colliding; you were burning up like the summer sun at noon.
He settled between your legs, hardness rutting against your slick folds; he listened to your moans with lips kissing a trail across your face. Roughly, he pulled your legs over his waist, holding your limbs there as he commented, “I saw an angel so beautiful…”
An immediate giggle erupted from your chest, amused at the dramatic choice of his words, and he chuckled with you before he silenced your echoing joy. Open mouthed kisses landed on your neck, wet and crude.
Dazy and dizzy, you mewled, clenching your hands to fists against his back as you told him, “Feels so good… feels so damn good.”
Proud and satisfied, he started moving down until his tongue circled your nipples. His mouth alternated between each of your breasts, but he never left one side without attention; gripping it, digging in, squeezing and kneading.
He cupped your mounds, pushing them up, pinching your perked nipples before he bit into them lightly. Travelled down teasingly, clearly aware of his unwavering effect on you.
When he paused above your pelvis, you sighed, opening your eyes that you didn’t realise you had closed. You looked at him, pushing his hair back, and revealed, “I don’t want you to stop.”
“I’m not going to stop,” he assured, taking in your scent and placing a kiss on your aching nub, “I’m not.”
“Don’t…”
“Anything for you, sweetheart.”
You didn’t get time to grow used to the endearment, surprised when he pulled you down the bed, placing one of your legs on his shoulder and the other against the mattress. He kept your thighs apart vehemently, his tongue darting out to taste your lust for the very first time.
Licking a stripe between your folds, he repeated his action before he made home above your clit. The wet muscle driving you mad flicked over your clit, slowly raising its pace before he closed his lips around it. Kissing, indulging in you, dark hair strands hanging low and tickling your skin.
He granted you with all of his attention, eyes closed, relishing your fragrance and flavour. Two of his fingers soon joined the pleasure he gifted you, pushing in with expected ease. Accompanied by the heated making out, his deft digits pushing in and out made you wiggle under him, your leg slipping off his shoulder and down his arm.
Your eyes rolled back further in their sockets, passionate moans and groans falling out of your mouth, and barely articulating a sentence, you mumbled, “Mmmfuck, Tae… please do–”
He hummed against you, understanding your language without its coherency; the tremble of your legs and hands in his hair told him more than enough.
So he engulfed your tits with a large hand, scarring your flesh with his nails; his tongue fastened, fingers fucking into you deeper, more impatiently. And then – it was over as soon as it’d begun.
He aided you through your high, could almost see the way high waves of pleasure flooded the pit of your stomach, untying the tight knot. You relaxed – or fell, he couldn’t quite say. The arched back flattened, fingers around the sheets loosened, and your body went limp.
“Was that good enough?” you suddenly heard him ask, his voice way closer than before. Your head still spun when you met his eyes, his face floating above yours as he muttered, “You look… incredible.”
Staring up at him with gentle, pure eyes, the same sweet innocence pulling him to heaven. Or dragging him to hell. You were the only person he knew who could surpass the devilish gates and still remained virtuous.
Because despite the honey in your heart, the fog in your eyes was sinful.
Split a part of his soul, tainting his mind, colouring it in new, vivid hues. A sky blue when you comforted him; but a bright red when you filled him with undying lust.
“You…” he began, but stopped, his pupils flickering. “You know how much you mean to me, right?”
The centre of your stomach fluttered, spreading across your body; after all those times he’d kissed you, looked at you, showered you in poems, you still couldn’t believe that you were the object of his affection.
You.
Not anyone else who existed in this wide, vast world. No… you. Right under him, naked, aching.
“Tell me.” You skimmed his flushed cheek, your insides screaming when his chest pressed against yours. “Please.”
You kept begging tonight – he wondered if he knew you didn’t need to. That he was ready to cross oceans and run through wildfires to get to you; if the world had allowed, he would’ve even fought the lesser devils of the world to stay with you.
But…
He shook his head free of intrusive thoughts, rubbing himself against you and admitted, “No… I feel out of words today.”
And then, his length, still standing tall and hard, aligned itself with your entrance, pushing in for just a fraction of a second. The moment was miniscule, but you gasped at the thickness already filling you, and threw your head back.
But he caught your face momentarily, bringing it back to him. Teary eyes gazed into his as his cock returned to your leaking mess, and breathing roughly through his nose, he spoke against your lips, “I’ll show you instead.”
And when he kissed you this time, his motions were more urging, more fervent. Your noses collided, your act aggressive. In the midst of the dance his tongue performed with yours, he pushed in fully, and you yelped into his mouth, sharp nails digging scars into his back.
A million and trillion fuzzy feelings coursed through your torso and down to where you connected; you were falling in love so fast and hard, it almost hurt.
Full and soft lips left yours to kiss your neck and clavicles again, suckling before he buried his face in your skin. He fucked you gently, increasing his pace slowly without unleashing cardinal, harsh lust just yet.
“Are you alright, baby?” he checked for the umpteenth time tonight, and you nodded wildly, whimpering and whining.
He felt as heavenly as you’d pictured. Passionate, zealous and fiery. He filled you to the brim, his length curved, hitting a spot you felt bloom for the first time ever.
As he raised his head and aligned your gazes, you saw him melt clearly.
Because he looked at you like the world was devoid of any existence but yours. Stared into your soul, deep moans vibrating in your eardrums; you recognised that he wasn’t writing but reading you tonight.
With connected foreheads, he asked, “It doesn’t hurt?”
“No… no,” you managed, panting as he pushed into you deep, pressed against you, “it feels so good. You're so good… so beautiful.”
“You,” he returned, hips pulling back before slamming back in, “are beautiful. Can’t stop thinking of you,” he waited, fucking you more passionately, and you held onto him, sweaty bodies colliding, “ever.”
The misty scene of lust and romance, laced with worries you tried to abandon, brought upon a thousand emotions in you.
Endless pleasure from his touch and the way the ridges of his cock rubbed against your nerves. A swarm of butterflies from his words invading your insides. The ardour eliciting goosebumps, making you shiver.
A nagging voice in the back of your mind, because he was too… too intense.
Or perhaps, that was actually what he felt for you. The vigour, the unmatched ferocity of his fondness.
“Tae…?”
You didn’t know what you wanted to say. Maybe you wanted to wear out his name; you weren’t sure. But as he heard your whisper, he pushed a large hand under your head, fingers in your hair, palm settling on your scalp.
He raised you to his lips, his jaw clenched. His motions slowed down, allowing you to feel him better, more intense, because he pulled out almost entirely before he hammered back in.
Patiently, he stared at you, waiting for your words, but when he realised that your mind was empty of everything but his name, his lips crashed against yours. You moaned and hummed against his tongue, and he swallowed your sounds, tilting his head.
You were still trapped between him and the bed, but his unoccupied fingers still somehow found their way between your bodies and to your clit. You lost your mind steadily, holding onto him as he fucked you, pushing you up to the headboard.
He pressed a quick peck onto your mouth, and then said, “I don’t know how to–”
But he stopped, distracted by your keen cries as you unwinded again. Your eyes were damp, and your arms tightened around his neck. And once you were done, shaking and sniffling, he tried again, “I don’t know how to live without you.”
A quiet tear rolled down your face; he caught it with his thumb, his hand falling from your head and sneaking to your shoulder blades. He pulled you into him, leaving not an inch of you untouched, and started thrusting into you so devotedly that you dropped all sense of time and space.
“Then don’t,” you pleaded, your voice weak and drowning in your other sounds, “stay.”
His eyes scared you. They carried a presentiment; you didn’t know what to do with it. All you could do is beg and wait, hope he told you what storm twirled inside him.
“Shit, you,” he began, chasing his high, groaning deeply, his tone dropping a dozen octaves, “you make me fall… so damn deep for you.”
And that was the last thing he uttered before he shot ropes of his hot arousal into you, moulding your lips with his once more.
Both your bodies shook from the impact your night together brought; his breathing was heavy, his skin glistening in sweat. His hair stuck damp against his forehead, and you brushed it aside, taking in the universe in his eyes; a mirror that reflected your face.
He dove in for another kiss on your cheek, his exhales igniting your skin. Mumbling something else you didn’t understand, he pulled out of you, staying on top of you for some minutes before he raised his body slowly.
The lack of touch felt cold on your perspiring skin, but he didn’t leave you without it for long before he pulled you up and walked you to the bath. You sat at the edge of the small tub for a while as it filled, his hands brushing the knots from your hair and rubbing your aching thighs.
Once you settled in the water, hypnotised by the scrub of his hands on your scalp, you dozed off before you could realise. The gentle, wet back of a hand woke you up after what felt like an eternity, and you mumbled an apology under your breath.
“Everything is fine, my darling,” Taehyung cooed, soothing your worries.
He let you wrap your arms around his neck and carried you into your bed with a slight, exhausted groan. Laid you down, tucked you in, appearing next to you within a few seconds.
Pulling you into him, you took in his odour, burning it into your memory. You were half asleep, kissing his chest, never finding out that he was swooning, smiling, hiding half his face in your hair.
Sometimes, you think that if you’d known, you would’ve fought harder. Or perhaps ran away, not given in to the foolish act you’d indulged in tonight.
But then, you reckon, you would still do the same thing again today if you could. Naive and in love, being reborn and dying with every word he uttered and every of his touch you felt.
As you drifted off, you thought you heard him say something to you. And then, Taehyung closed his eyes with you in his arms for the last time; wordlessly.
The night proceeded thunderously. The rain didn’t start until you were fast asleep, and it kept you in dreamland until the first lightning struck.
It was early morning by the time the storm shook you awake. You realised the weather wasn’t the only thing raging; because within a moment, your heart bled, too. The thick liquid erupted like a volcano spitting lava that had been laying silent for so long.
You knew something had been wrong – that when you’d been worried, you’d been right.
Because.
When you woke up, he was gone. The other side of the bed was cold and empty, a yawning silence not only in your and his own home, but in your cavernous and splitting heart, too.
After Taehyung left your bed and life, you realised for the very first time how colossal and vast your town truly was.
The first few days, you spent every single second searching high and low for him. You left no stone unturned, tracing back his presence until your feet ached and bled. The taverns, the hills, the river. The market, the hospital, all bookstores in your proximity.
His house.
Taehyung was nowhere to be found.
The incessant knocking on his door was never answered, and he didn’t send a letter, didn’t come back, never granted you a hint of what had happened.
And you barely slept. Revisited memories of his eyes and his touch; the way he had spoken to you merely a few nights ago. His lips haunted you when his face didn’t, and oftentimes, uneasy sleep would only pull you in once you had cried yourself tired.
A week later, you still didn’t know what had gone down. You didn’t know why you couldn’t find him – why everyone around you acted as though he was just a mirage who’d touched your imagination for a transient moment.
You didn’t even know what questions to ask.
You were angry. That was all you were aware of; the fury boiled hot and clear, transparent.
But the anger morphed into a new stage of grief when two weeks had passed. The trigger emerged in the form of a displeased bang on your door. You didn’t expect a guest, and didn’t expect anyone to make sure you were doing fine. No one knew about it anyway.
The hopes buried deep within your heart, however, sparked and lit up like the lights of a Christmas tree; your feet carried you to the entrance, new tears falling. But once you ripped the door open, your pumping organ fell quiet and dark again.
It wasn’t him.
“Good evening.”
The stranger was wearing a half-decent smile; she was clothed in a dress and coat way too warm for this season, balancing her weight on one leg, then the other. Half her face was hiding under a hat, so you could barely make out her eyes, considering that she was a good chunk shorter than you.
“Good evening,” you greeted back. “Do I know you? How can I help you?”
“I…” She was nervous, gulping, averting your eyes. “I was…”
But you were not patient enough to wait for her explanations and questions. Not today. Sighing, you clutched the door, telling her, “I apologise, I am currently closed. And I don’t want to buy anything if that is what you–”
“No,” she chipped in, shaking her head before her hand lifted to the hat, taking it off. You still didn’t recognise her face when she finally looked at you properly. “I’m here to speak about Kim Taehyung.”
The silence in your room hid the fact that you weren’t alone in your house. It was more prominent than when you were, pressing and numbing, uncomfortable to a degree that you felt your body tremble.
“Would you like some coffee? Or tea. Warm milk is an op–”
The woman, sporting dark circles under her eyes, much like you, shook her head at your suggestions. She managed a small smile, and you nodded, leaning back in your chair, legs pulled in.
If you weren’t holding onto your knees, pressing them against your crumbling chest, you might have broken down.
“I don’t understand,” you whispered, licking your lips, “you’re Yujin’s mother. You came to talk to Tae. But I don’t understand why that made him leave. And why you’re here now.”
“I am afraid it’s not that easy. He didn’t leave because I came all the way to talk,” she clarified, staring at a pattern on your carpet, “when I arrived at his house, I was angry. Out of my mind. He thought I was going to hurt him the way my girl did, but… I never had the intention to.”
Your eyes blew wide, fearing the guilt in her voice, and you pulled your limbs in more, questioning, “Did you… did you hurt him?”
“No! No, I couldn’t. I couldn’t.” She shifted in her seat, her back straight, but her face full of tortured emotions. “I just wanted an explanation. I wanted to know why all of this even happened. I didn’t know about their affair, you know? I didn’t come for revenge but for closure.”
A desperate attempt to find out what had happened that night, because Yujin had never told the whole truth. You were sure of it.
“Your daughter tried to kill him,” you said, your voice growing monotone and dropping empathy. “And he did whatever he needed to do, so he could come out of this unscathed. Yujin never–”
“I’m aware now,” she cuts in, staring into your eyes with a glassy look, “Taehyung explained it to me. Hana added onto it some more… and perhaps it’s easier for me, after all those years of taking care of my daughter, to believe it and to forgive him for the sins he didn’t commit.”
She waited, shaking her head again. An apologetic expression crept upon her face, and in a careful whisper, she added, “But the police won’t.”
Sinking behind your legs, you must have looked to her as though you already knew about this. As if you expected this, unable to act surprised anymore. But in truth, you were shrinking into yourself, holding onto your broken pieces.
Because words, as alleviating as they can be, have the power to disrupt a peaceful mind, too.
Since Taehyung had come into your life, you had witnessed the force with which words could make your heartbeat skyrocket. Despite the bookworm that you were, you hadn’t paid much attention to the effect a sentence could cause.
Now, you did all the more.
She called your name, and you looked up into her face with puffy eyes, limbs shaking as you asked, “They know where he is, don’t they?”
“Not now, they don’t. It’s why he left… they might not be able to find him very soon again. It took them years even now.”
“Excuse me,” you mumbled with a faint voice, standing on wobbly legs. You wiped the tears off your face, and braced yourself for your next reckless act as you said, “I need to go somewhere. You… you know where the exit is, yes?”
You clearly didn’t know a thing about this woman. But theft didn’t scare you anymore; you couldn’t care less if she was to take any belongings from your humble home. A ridiculous and foolish thought – but she couldn’t take more from you anymore.
But she stood, clearing her throat. “I think,” she started, so quietly you could barely make it out. Seemed that she was just as exhausted as you. “I think I will be leaving as well. I’m not sure what to do here anymore.”
You were quick to encourage her decision, draping a light coat over your shoulders before you stepped out with her in tow. The season was warm, but the weather fluctuated; your hand was unsteady as you locked your door and waved goodbye to the stranger.
She had become the embodiment of triggering memories in less than an hour; you were fine with the thought of never seeing her again.
As she stepped away from you with idle steps, you approached the busy streets, waiting for a hansom cab to take you with it and where your heart resided.
You weren’t sure what you were doing. It wasn’t as though you were expecting anything where you went. You were breaking yourself, you were certain – but as you watched the clouds gather into one grey form, hiding the sun, you abolished thoughts of what might await you.
You clung onto hope. It was stupid; it was nonexistent at this point. Taehyung’s mood wasn’t as fickle as the weather.
And you still did.
But the path to his house was empty. The park nearby, the streets, his house’s porch. They were all vacant, letting the wind howl through the desolation as you wandered along the line of trees.
His house stood small and inconspicuous at the end of the road. It was beautiful – painted a tender light beige-brown, fitting the colours of his personality. Homely, sweet, carrying his touch and preferences.
But right now, it looked ominous. Haunted. Like souls floated along its walls. You reckoned it was the remnants of his life he’d left that lured you in. Somehow, his voice always called to you; you just wished it’d shut up for a moment.
Your eyes swished between the doorknob and creaky ground. Nothing was here for you; that was what your logic whispered. But another voice, less prominent, more concealed, urged you to step forwards. As if there was something left of him. As if logic was a blunt liar.
So you came close to the wooden door, raising a fist, and knocked lightly at first. The cry of the wind buried the sound of your action; and you took a deep breath, steadying your spinning mind before you knocked again, harder this time.
“Is someone here?” you questioned, bringing your mouth close to the door, your ask maniac.
You tried to knock once more, but came out blank.
“Tae?”
Your voice muttered the syllable faintly and feebly.
His name had started feeling unreal; had you truly known someone who reacted to Kim Taehyung? Or had you just repeated the word so often that it had begun sounding unnatural and strange to you?
“You wouldn’t hurt me, you told me,” you said, pressing your forehead against the door, “you broke your promise like every novel about lovers describes.”
You laughed at the irony of your story; when had you become the suffering character in a tragedy? Who was writing your fate like this?
“Officers?” you tried again, blinking. “If you’re here, you might want to talk to me first before…” You gulped, raising your voice. “Kim Taehyung isn’t here anymore.”
And then it dawned on you.
That.
Kim Taehyung was gone.
Kim Taehyung had left.
And also.
“Kim Taehyung isn’t coming back anymore,” you yelled louder, slamming your fist against the entrance again, “so you might as well stop looking altogether.”
You sniffled from the cold, closing your eyes. You rubbed your eyelids with parted lips, noticing the racing of your heart. Agony was catching up to you again, and you didn’t think you could do this again, right here, right now.
But life didn’t allow you to catch a break.
“Ask me. I know he’s gone,” you exclaimed, ripping your eyes open and hands ready to yank the door open the same way.
You wondered how many kicks could break it; or if any number of kicks even could. Who cared anyway? Not you – too lost, too crazed.
“Fucking open, because there’s nothing for you,” you spat, full-on hammering against the door now, probably bruising your hand, “there’s not even anything for me, so you can’t be, can’t be more privileged than me.”
Yet, nothing happened. The silence proceeded, and you couldn’t do anything to beat it.
You turned on the spot, your vision blurry. You slid down the door with a quavering chin, pressing the heels of your palms against your eyes until they hurt. The ground in front of his house was cold, shivering, bushes rustling and the gust of the wind howling between leaves.
Yet again, the baleful, sinister scene returned, out of a thrilling novel; it didn’t feel like the romance anymore that your story had started as.
You weren’t sure how long you sat there, relying on the warmth of your dress, your face freezing and tears drying. Your head was still turning in circles, and you didn’t trust your legs to carry you home safely just yet.
So you waited until the world stilled – with no avail.
Instead, a door opened. Next to you, a blurry figure appeared; dressed in a nightgown you recognised, holding the door tight, hair dishevelled and flowing over her shoulders.
She was calling your name, but you only heard it faintly – yet, you understood enough to realise who she was.
This time, he didn’t even take her with him. He left all alone, with nothing but his battered heart and cotton touch. How must he have felt, all lonely and without company? After years of close help, this was the first time he found himself thrown into the desert that the world was.
How was he doing? Was he thinking of you? Missing you?
Would he escape the authorities for long enough, just until you found a way to bring him back? Or would he return by his own sheer will?
You didn’t know. You didn’t know.
Hana inched closer, crouching next to you, placing a hand on your face to make you look at her before she said, “I’ll be here.”
Red-rimmed eyes stared back at her, and she wiped at your tears, shaking her head as you asked, “Why?”
“Because he decided to fight alone this time. Because I was never wanted by the police the way he was. I just,” she dropped her hand, touching her knee, “need to leave this place. Find somewhere else to be, so I don’t get dragged back for fleeing the country.”
She smiled at you in reassurance; a feeble attempt to lift the tension. But you knew she was hurting as much as you were – if not a thousandfold. She was like a sister to him after all. They had taken care of each other when no one else could.
You and her – you shared the pain. She was all you had left of him. You were all she had left of him.
“How could this happen?”
Your voice was weak and hoarse when you spoke, and she rubbed her forehead, controlling her emotions. The slight flinches in her face revealed her true feelings, but neither you nor she elaborated on them.
“I’m not certain,” Hana answered, helpless and mourning, “but whatever it was, it wasn’t a selfish thing. I just know.” She paused and looked into your eyes, clearing her throat. “He left me a note. Nothing big, but… it’s all I got.”
The burning sting in your chest grew further. It spread across your body and boiled your insides; you didn’t know how much you still wanted to take. How much you could take before you collapsed.
“I… I didn’t get any,” you admitted, burying your face between your torso and your legs.
But Hana clicked her tongue, heaving a sigh as she stated, “I’m sure you did. You know him… he has a knack for the mysterious.”
So much he became a mystery, too.
“You just need to know where to look,” she continued, “and… even if he didn’t… I’m very sure he left pieces of his heart with you instead.”
You didn’t know what to answer. She didn’t know how to bring you solace.
So when you’d stopped staring into each other’s eyes, seeking peace or comfort in the fact that you shared your misery, she helped you up and sent you home eventually. You were quick to decline the offer to come in.
You couldn’t bear being in the rooms he’d been in. Hearing his voice, feeling the presence that was gone.
And your mind was whirring – too focused on whatever you could find. So you opened the door, left your shoes on, sprinted to your living room and scoured the bookshelf your aunt had gifted you years ago.
You pulled out your favourite books; ones you knew you had talked about to him. You leafed through the pages, turning the novels upside down. It took you four tries to finally find a piece of paper between one of the pages; and it was a bookmark.
Two more tries until another tiny letter floated to the ground, no bookmark or irrelevant document this time.
In a gentle, curved font, long fingers had written a note, for you to find whenever and in whichever way. You wondered if he’d expected for you to discover it this quickly. He always praised your intelligence – you hoped he still held onto it.
You unfolded the paper to reveal the last few words. Your eyes swelled with more tears; you were sick of crying, tired and devastated.
And then…
The hands of fate led me to you. Quietly and softly. And one day, they ought to drag me back to you, my angel… back to where my heart resides and my soul floats.
Or alternatively…
Alternatively.
You blinked at the paper, unsure what to do with it. Those were the only words he’d granted you, ripping you apart; where his heart resided and his soul floated. It sounded like a promise – like something to flood you with hope.
But hope was…
“Absurd,” you whispered, holding your forehead, fingers pressing into your temples.
You read the lines over and over again – alternatively, alternatively, alternatively.
And you didn’t understand until you turned the paper around, realising that he’d put more at the back, inconspicuous and small. Perhaps that was the breaking point. When you tumbled down with no way to recover.
Because.
I love you.
Hana was wrong.
He hadn’t left pieces of his heart with you. He’d left all of it there.
NOW
You still cherish the pumping organ he placed in your palms years ago.
Though, defective days bring defective thoughts.
In your lowest moments, you sometimes wonder whether he truly loved you. Did he write it down on some piece of paper and then just leave? No intention behind it, empty words and nothing more?
Why did he leave? Why do you still think of him?
He was just a man. Just a writer.
Just… just Kim Taehyung.
“What are you looking at?” a familiar voice calls from behind, and your eyes, dry and unfocused, blink rapidly.
“Just… the same as usual.”
You fold the newspaper into half. You can’t remember the headlines you read or what the printed letters speak about.
Lately, you’ve been drifting fast. When Taehyung left, you fell into a dark pit that showed no possibility to climb to the top again – you kept tapping in the dark. Then, things seemed to normalise – Hana told you it was denial, but you think you were progressing.
Then, last year, his existence crept up on you again, like a nasty bug impossible to shake off. Not that he’d ever left. But since then, he has lingered, haunted you, dark tresses and darker eyes chasing your thoughts, awake or asleep.
Speaking of which…
“Hana,” you call, dropping your eyes to a word in the newspaper, “have you heard anything about Yujin?”
Hana, gathering small and dirty clothes from the floor, freezes mid-action, looking up at your form on the chair before she sighs and admits, “Not since last year. Since… you know.”
None of you ever dares to say his name. He was a constant in both your lives, even if just for a fleeting moment for you; but he has become a ghost now. Sometimes, you wonder if he truly existed. He feels like a figment of your imagination on the worst days.
But last year marked an important event for you, and more for him.
In a quiet moment on a cold winter morning, you received unexpected news about his past yet most relevant affair. Yujin had apparently fought her way out of the mental institution, strolled to the police – with or without her family’s knowing, you still don’t know – and admitted her wrongdoings on a night of utter devastation.
According to herself, written in an apologetic letter, she’d broken down in a weak moment of guilt, unable to live with her mistakes. She wasn’t a bad person, she promised; she was certain that her younger self would have wanted her to admit her sins and stand up for them.
So she did. Put herself in the position of the big bad wolf and Taehyung out of it.
No matter what her family’s deal with the police was, she’d broken the bond when she’d begged and pleaded the officers to stop hunting him like an innocent doe. Tears were never sufficient, of course – but once she had come back with a fortune big enough to swoon them, they’d been silenced once and for all.
The happenings were surreal and sudden. None of you expected them to unfold like this – not after all those years, not with you involved in this equation.
But the worst thing was that the information reached you easily; but never him. Never the man in question, seeing the world alone; and no one but him could tell if he was even alive or not.
“You’re regressing,” Hana interrupts your thoughts, suddenly next to you and taking half a seat on the armchair, “and I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m not regressing,” you defend, leaning back with a sigh.
She mumbles your name, a hand on your shoulder as she says, “I know what he meant to you. And he was… is my cousin, too. But you need to start fighting your demons.”
But he’s your biggest one. And once possessed, how does one get rid of a demon?
If it’s Kim Taehyung… probably never.
“I just don’t understand, Hana,” you mutter, rubbing your tired eyelids, “why is he not coming back if Yujin opened up?”
“He might not know.”
“But this is a big thing. He would keep up with such information.” You’re desperate and hurting – it’s no secret. But your voice, strained, could tell a stranger that your heart is cracked, unable to heal. “I sometimes feel like I made him up.”
Hana’s ears perk up. It’s not the first time you’re confessing such a thing – at times like these, even Hana cannot help but agree, admitting that he has started feeling too far away from her.
If her existence right here in this town, next to you, didn’t prove that he had truly been here, she might have concluded along with you that he hadn’t been real.
“Like he never touched me. Never spoke to me or loved me. Or like he never left me with the last crucial piece of him,” you continue, your chest and head heavy, “and I hate feeling insane.”
“I know… I know.”
You wait, grieving through the silence with her. And when you find your voice and courage again, you state, “This is going to stay. Forever. I just don’t know if I have the strength to endure it.”
“There is no way for you to move on, is there?”
You contemplate.
Is there?
Not when certain things still remind you of him every single day. When he impacted your life to a burning, menacing degree.
Long ago, he entered your life like a sudden fresh gust of air. The time you spent in his company, reminiscing about your favourite novels and his dearest poems, wasn’t just an evanescent mingling of your souls.
He was here for a moment. Kim Taehyung.
He turned your world upside down… Kim Taehyung.
Hana knows. And Hana understands. The emotion you share the most with her is the love you both felt towards him. She still sees the agony in your eyes; how could she not?
Fiddling with her fingers, she looks away, uncertainty lacing her voice out of the blue as she begins, “I didn’t want to do this, because I felt like it’d damage you long term,” she pauses, and you stare up at her, a million question marks written in your eyes, “but I think I need to show something.”
A trait you have seen in both her and her lost cousin is the ability of sudden confessions. You think you have gotten fairly used to them; but at this moment, your mouth still drops and stays agape, and you can’t possibly guess what she’s talking about.
“What is it?”
Hana hesitates, wrapping the thin scarf around her shoulder that she threw on your coffee table haphazardly before. “I think it’s easier to just show you.”
And you guess, the less questions you ask, the faster you’d get to the mystery she was hinting at.
She gives you no more than ten minutes to dress, so you can embark on your journey – her eyes flicker impatiently, her limbs restless. In a matter of minutes, her demeanour changes; and suddenly, she’s nervous, chewing on her lips, vehemently urging you to hurry up.
“We should take Sora with us,” Hana suggests, though there is purpose in her tone, like it’s part of a plan, “she should show her face sometimes anyway.”
“She needed to go to the neighbours.”
“Needed to.”
In the years without Taehyung and on your own, more people have entered your life out of the blue. They left and came back, never a constant, mercurial change of mind dragging them away and back to you.
Sora never left your side. She was a constant. You think that if Taehyung had waited, taken the chance to meet her, he would’ve loved her just as much as you do.
If not more than you ever would.
So you knock at the neighbour’s door, asking whether she is still here, and when she walks out, happy and excited as always, you listen intently. She always has a lot to say.
Her rambling distracts you from the adventure you have decided to live through, smiling whenever she builds up to the peak of a story. She likes Hana – is a dearer friend to her than to you sometimes.
And for once, you don’t fight for her attention in the playful manner you have gotten used to, glad that she’s indulging in teases and jokes with Hana. Because the moment you pass a newspaper stand on your way to a carriage, you hear something so peculiar that you come to a halt.
“Did you hear that?” you turn, staring at Hana who looks back at you with enormous doe eyes.
“Hear what?”
“The name he just said. He said something like… him singing in a tavern.”
Singers of ballads and operas in taverns aren’t rare. The conversation could be about anyone, talking about any tavern – but despite your growing insanity, you’re sure you didn’t mishear.
You waste more of your and your companions’ time, stepping closer to the seller, and his focus shifts from the casual conversation with a passenger to you. He smiles, joyfully and in a good mood, a hand on his knee as he asks, “Can I help you, pretty lady?”
You ignore the comment, shaking off your confusion and asking, “Who were you talking about?”
“Who was I talking about?” he questions back, his voice way too loud as he laughs.
Have you become cynical, irritated or is there actually no joke behind his response?
“You just mentioned a name.”
“I mean,” he barks, leaning forwards, “I say a lot of names every day.”
If you could just fight through your fears and mention his name. They are three syllables, harmless words; they shouldn’t block your language and lock your mouth like this. But when the knot of your tongue doesn’t let you utter his name, you feel heat rise to your face.
“You just said a freaking name. One single,” you step closer, furious; deep down, frustrated and hurt, “name. And it means something.”
“A young lady like yourself should not be cursi–”
“I apologise deeply,” Hana interferes, pulling you away.
You shake off the fingers wrapped around your bicep, taking a deep breath. More swears fall out of your mouth, irritation spreading through your mind and chest. Hope doesn’t exist anymore – you need to stop holding onto it.
Stop, stop, stop.
The rest of the way passes silently. The tension caused in the middle of the street still lingers when you enter the carriage. You still don’t speak when the buildings, houses and busy markets of the town vanish and quiet down.
As the greenery expands and nature showcases wide fields, sunflowers facing the bright yellow star in the sky, you begin to realise what way you might be heading. The canopy of trees and the empty paths… you have seen all of them before.
And when you leave the carriage, good thirty minutes later, and stare into the peaceful forest adorned by various families of plants, you confirm your gut feeling to be true.
Somewhere not far from you, there must be a river flowing softly.
And when you hear it, your mind turns upside down.
Water splatters from afar. Combined with the songs of the birds and the stillness of the place, a melodious sound; peaceful, resembling a fairytale. You clutch Sora’s hand on your right, smiling reassuringly. Hiding a heart beating in your throat proves harder than expected.
But the task reaches its peak on the mountain of impossibility when the pathway ends, giving way to the riverbank. The usually silent and empty stream is hidden behind a figure you spot today.
The person, a stranger on the first glance, sits on the grass with one leg angled up, propping an arm on it while the other hand presses against the ground. He is staring into the sun, though always a lover of darkness and shadows, and his hair strands sway in the light summer breeze.
You shoot a look at Hana, shaking your head, your waterline damp as your eyes ask, “How am I here? How is he here?”
The heart beating in your throat escapes through your mouth and floats through the air, making a bee-line straight to his feet where it drops.
On its knees for him.
He still loves to wear white, you realise. From your point of view and angle, dark raven hair hangs in his eyes, a miniature feather dangling from one of his earlobes. You think you recognise the earring, even now.
In front of the blue river water and light green nature, he looks like an angel sent from above. Like a scene from Garden Eden. Or Greek mythology. Like he was painted by Michelangelo himself.
As a dozen times before, you wonder if you’re hallucinating; stepping closer, but scared to touch him. He might dissolve – who truly knows?
Your hands are a trembling and sweaty mess, and you let go of Sora, ignoring the pleas of your knees to buckle with all your willpower. You only realise that you’re crying when his voice chimes through the silence of the forest. Still so sweet; still so soft.
“A second visit in just two days?”
And then, he turns around.
You freeze on your spot the moment he does. A rectangle smile, blinding teeth flashing, falls when he detects you, contemplating whether he’s dreaming. Whether you’re made of dust particles that have taken your form to deceive, close to fading.
Behind you, you hear Hana speak up, her voice timid but loving as she remarks, “I knew you’d be here.”
But Taehyung doesn’t answer. You barely register it. Sora looks back and forth between the three of you, unsure what is going on, but not courageous enough to ask just yet. Instead, she leans against the tree, nibbling at her fingernails as she watches the scene unfold.
You can’t blame her for her confusion – she’s just a child after all.
“Since when…?” you mutter, looking at him, but speaking to Hana.
You’re utterly unable to look away; and he stays unblinking, too. Both your fingers twitch and ache for an embrace, your lips parted, a million thoughts and words begging to come out.
“Just a few days,” Hana clarifies; she sounds a little like she feels guilty, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
“Why…” you gulp, your voice unsteady, “why didn’t you?”
For a moment, it’s quiet. Then, you hear steps come closer, slowly and patiently; and before you can turn to her, she places a hand on your shoulder, her mouth close to your ear, so you’re sure he can’t hear much of what she utters.
“Because… it takes time and patience to get over heartbreak,” she explains further and you shake your head again. “Especially in the company of the same person who broke you. And you…”
She pauses, grabbing your chin softly to turn you towards her, making you look at him. “Do you think you are able to deal with all the memories? To relive them with him and talk through them?”
Is there much to talk about?
Much to say except the repeated words of how incomplete you felt? Cut in half with a dirty knife. Infected wounds, pushing you into a murky fever.
“I love him,” is all you argue; your eyes are filled with sadness, carrying a tinge of hurt and disappointment that she didn’t tell you when you needed it.
You move your head again to look at him, and he’s still sitting, though less lax than before. His body looks like it’s about to lift itself off the ground every moment now, but he’s petrified; you imagine his limbs must feel as heavy as yours.
Three small steps bring you close to him, and you finally drop to your knees, uncaring about the dirt and the new state of your cream-coloured dress. Together, you must look like a couple from paradise. If all the dark plot points of your lives weren’t still so fresh, you might feel the same.
Years ago, when you met, you think you felt the same.
“I loved… love you,” you repeat, finding your voice amidst the tumult your heart causes, “I still do.”
There are scars on your heart, and he’s still written in them. He cut you open wide – and his face right in front of yours flicks at least an inch of the wound.
He whispers your name… lifts his palm, shaking and nervous, letting a tear escape his eyes.
Taehyung still looks the same. On his forehead, there might be one or two more wrinkles. His skin has changed a little, the lines of his features sharper.
But he’s still him.
Taehyung.
Your Taehyung – a steady memory.
Warm fingers, as soft, soothing and devoid of calluses as a writer’s hand, graze your damp cheek and your jaw. You close your eyes for a moment, inhaling a sharp, shrill breath; your sobs splinter and smash his heart.
In all those years, he kept your existence alive by engraving your smile into his mind. That he’d meet the opposite emotion when you’d see him again was much expected; but it doesn’t pain him any less.
“Where did you go?” you whisper, your palm sneaking to his arm. “One night and that was it? How could you–”
“I just–” God. Whenever he speaks, you fall a bit more. “I needed to keep you safe… And…”
“And yourself.”
“And myse–”
“Do you have any idea how hard it was to–”
“I’m so sorry,” he mumbles, your words overlapping in constant interruptions, and soon you’re not sure what either of you is saying.
You hear his apologies – he hears yours, whatever they stand for. And a moment later, your hand rests at the nape of his neck, his buried in your hair, and you’re both crying in the middle of a forest, disrupting nature’s piece with your very own tragedy.
“I never stopped thinking of you,” he confesses, his voice quiet and hitching, “not… not one second.”
You breathe in through the nose, sniffling and still moving your head from the left to right, for whatever unknown reason. In a second of silence, Taehyung looks past you and from his sister to the child.
When your gazes meet again, you recognise sadness in his eyes, an unspoken question asking, “Ours?”
And you nod.
In his stance and sobs, his words and touch, you understand that he’s still filled with confusion you’ll need to clear. Just as much as you’ll need to comprehend the years he spent apart from you, only to walk in a circle and land back in your arms.
You’re not certain what the future might hold for you. With Yujin’s confession and Taehyung’s innocence, a logical voice tells you that hurdles have finally vanished; but you can’t quite say just yet how much weight to give this hope. Pain doesn’t just fade.
You can barely believe your eyes just yet.
But there are a few truths in this world that are universal. No matter what life throws at you, they won’t change.
One – you could never find the strength to unlove Taehyung.
Two – his touches are still soft as silk, like the thin scarf bound around his wrist; comforting to an ethereal degree.
And three – you used to think that behind his chest, no heart hammered but a stone rested. Despite his clear affection, he seemed hard to break until he did; your early days were laced with doubt and confusion.
Today, his eyes still look like stones.
But this time, they might be gems; onyxes.
okay, so i was kinda unsure about this fic, but did love writing it, so i hope you guys at least enjoyed it, too !! 🥺 i fell for this tae hard :((
also, please do support me/this fic by liking, commenting/leaving feedback, and most importantly, reblogging (even if it’s without a review)! it takes just a second and means a lot and it’s cool to do it hehe !! 🥺 also, feel free to talk to meee, i’m curiously awaiting anything y’all have to say 🥰
thank you so much for reading, loves <333
#kth smut#taehyung smut#taehyung fluff#taehyung angst#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#taehyung x reader#v smut#taehyung x you#bts au#bts fic#kth fluff#bts x reader#bts fanfic#kth angst#bts x you#taehyung scenario#taehyung imagines#thebtswritersclub
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here's your perfect | kth. I
➸summary : "The only person who can help you to endure your pain is your soulmate" -But you find it hard to believe that now. Not when he's sitting right across the table from you, his face devoid of any emotion. You think if you really are as strong as you believed.
➸ pairing : taehyung x reader
➸ genre : soulmate!au, idol!tae, s2f2l!au, angst, fluff
➸ rating : PG-15
➸ word count : 5.6k
➸ warnings : swearing, anxiety, slight depression
➸ playlist : carried away(love to love) by surf mesa, madison beer, blue and grey piano cover , bts v - sweet night piano cover
Chapter one
A soulmate is someone whose soul is fated to match your own.
They say that one's soul is only completed when they meet their soulmate. Someone who will accept you with your flaws. Someone who is fated to love you.
"They will help you to endure your pain."
Some legends say that it's like looking at your own reflection. Some legends claim that it's like finding the other half of your soul. Some believe that a piece of our soul is with our soulmates, that when you finally meet, it's like finding your own soul.
Soulmates have always been a startling thing. No one really knows the mystery of our souls. Even after countless studies and researches, people still cannot fathom the real equation of the existence of soulmates. It's something peolple have left on the plans of the universe .
___________________________________________
As long as Kim Taehyung can remember, he has always longed to meet his soulmate.
"They will be able to read you like an open book, Taehyung-ah. They will love you exactly the way you want to be loved." He remembers his grandmother saying this to him, he remembers the way his heart used to ache with longing, with hope.
Taehyung can't remember the exact moment he stopped believing those words. But he remembered when he fell in love for the first time. Remembered the rush of emotions he felt. For him to be in love means being free. Free to love anyone, anywhere. For him, love should be unchained, unbound.
"You fall in love too easily," Jimin stated one day. He knows that. Love comes easily to him. But it also burns him way too easily.
The thing is, he is ready to endure the burn. He is ready to go through the pleasant pain of falling in love again and again. But he can't fall in love under conditions. He can't force his emotions. If he regrets anything, that is how he lost control over some parts of his life, how he is sometimes forced to change things about his life. But he will not force himself to love someone, wouldn't lose control over who he loves. Not to anyone.
___________________________________________
Sometimes you think that you might never belong anywhere.
You don't like lingering in your past. You're way past those old memories. Have made so many good memories to replace them with. Have people who have helped you, made you feel that you belong there. But that doesn't mean you don't feel alone, that you are not enough. No matter how many people are around you, you've always felt alone.
It's not about how people made you feel anymore. It's just how you started to feel somehow. No matter how much time you spend with your family and friends, the loneliness doesn't go away.
"You know it might be because of your soulmate? Sometimes our feelings reflect on our soulmates," Asfan said one day while you were helping him at the animal shelter, "I mean they might be feeling lonely. And that's reflecting on you. Or maybe you are feeling lonely because you haven't met them yet?"
You can't remember the exact moment when you started believing these words. That your soulmate is the person you belong with. They will see you exactly the way you are and still love you. That they will be the only person to whom you will never have to prove that you are enough. You don't believe in love at first sight, don't believe that you can love someone without knowing them. But you believe that your soulmate will want to love you exactly the way you want to love them.
_______________________________
30th December.
The sound of a door opening snaps you out of your haze. You turn your head toward the door, two young girls enter the cafe, their faces stuffed in their scarves. A gush of cold air enters with them. Even though you are sitting in the corner, far away from the door, the cold still hits you, making you shiver.
You found this cafe when you were exploring your new neighborhood. It's tucked into a corner. Most people probably don't know this place is even here. You wouldn't have either if it wasn't for your tendency of exploring every single corner of every neighborhood you've ever lived in.
The cafe is mostly deserted at this time of the day. There's a soft indie song playing on the radio. The anchor on the TV is saying something about the birthday projects of some idols. But you tune all of them off, try to focus on the design on your sketchbook in front of you. A slow, satisfied smile stretches on your face. You nod your head to yourself and close the sketchbook book, put it into your bag, then proceed to pay for your coffee.
You let out a shiver as you step out of the cafe, pulling your coat tightly over your body. Even though the sky is clearer than most days today, you still can't feel your fingertips. The weather has worsened in the few months you've been here. Seoul has its own charm in winter, especially if it's covered with snow.
You start walking toward your apartment, making a mental note to drop by the convenience store again, when your phone buzzes with a text. You pull it out from your pocket. Yung Sung has shared a news article to your group chat, asking if it was still OK to have the photoshoot on the scheduled date. You frown at your phone as you read the whole article. Apparently there's a storm coming the next week in Gangwon-do, exactly the same day as your shooting schedule. Your phone buzzes again, someone said that they were going to talk to the management. You let out a sigh, lips pull into a small pout. You were really looking forward to this shoot.
When you moved to South Korea, you didn't know what to expect. When your boss told you that you were being promoted and transferred to South Korea's headquarters, you were over the moon. All these years of hard work finally paid off. Even though it was a different country, it felt so important to move here, a strange sense was telling you that it's going to be worth it. And the opportunity was great, new experiences, new place, new everything. On top of that, your best friend is here and you missed her so much.
What you didn't expect was the cold unsettling feeling, which feels like it is growing intensely as the days go on.
Entering your apartment, you flick the switch of your hallway. It's been a few months since you moved here. You have finally settled in. You've tried to make the apartment look as homely as possible. But it is still lacking the warmth you feel at your own place back at home, or the familiarity that your parents home provides. It's like the loneliness has intensified ten times more.
You think it's a little embarrassing. You are an adult after all, have been living alone since college. But somehow you feel more lonely after moving here. But it's ok, you think as you get started to prepare your dinner. It's just been a couple of months. It'll be fine. Just have to adjust to being alone in an unknown country.
___________________________________________
"Well, well, well, Happy New Year, kids!!" Kanika exclaims as soon as she opens the door.
You grin at her as she walks toward the table. "Late happy new year," Cameron mutters beside you, not looking up from his laptop.
Kanika rolls her eyes as she leans against the table."It's just been a few days since new year's day, Cameron, don't kill the vibe," Kanika hisses.
"Is there any news about the shooting schedule?" Yung Sung asks Kanika.
"Yeah. They wouldn't postpone it. Said that the storm is supposed to hit in the evening anyway. It's not gonna take long to shoot so we just have to wrap up before the storm hits."
Yung Sung let out a groan. "If we don't finish this project within next week, it will crash with the BTS project. Our meeting with them is in two weeks, remember?" Cameron grumbles, still not looking up from his laptop.
"How can I forget when you keep reminding me every chance you get," Yung Sung grits out, letting out a frustrating sound.
It is safe to say that Cameron and Yung Sung don't get along with each other. Their banters are always the source of entertainment to everyone.
You smirk at Yung Sung and return your attention to your laptop again. You were clicking through your sketches for the 100th time when Kanika interrupted you.
"Hey."
You look up from your laptop. Kanika is smiling down at you. "You want some coffee?" she asked, lifting one eyebrow.
You blink at her. Her face is doing that thing where she is really trying to be subtle about something. You look back at your laptop. You've been watching the same design for an hour now. Trying not to stress about the project but somehow doing exactly that. Your stress might have reflected on your face. Right, she's trying to distract me.
"Yeah, sure." You get up and grab your jacket, following Kanika out of the room.
_______________________________
Kanika puts a cup of coffee in front of you and takes a seat across from you at one of the tables in the canteen area. You grab the cup with both hands, trying to consume as much warmth as possible.
"Honestly, Y/N, you need to stop stressing out about these projects." Kanika is one of the few people with whom you've gotten closer with in these past few months.
"I'm not!" you exclaim. Kanika gives you a pointed look. You don't know if it's because she's your friend or because you're working under her, sometimes she can read you like an open book.
You look down at your coffee. It might have been easier if you could just stop that nagging feeling inside your head.
"Look." You actually look at her, her voice serious."You did a great job. Everyone loved your designs. The project will go smoothly. I know you're worried because it's your first time working on a big project after moving here. But trust me, you got this. Don't let your anxiety knock off your confidence. Ok?"
You can feel your entire face heat up. "Yeah," you murmur. Even though her words somehow comforted you, that doesn't mean you can shove away your anxiety entirely.
"Anyway, how was your new year's eve?" She asked, sipping into her coffee. "Did you go out?"
"No…um…I still had some boxes to unpack."
Lies. You spent that whole night rewatching your favorite old movies. Just so that you can feel some familiarity. But you weren't going to admit that to her. It really doesn't help that you haven't actually made any real friends except for Kanika since you moved here. You do hang out with some of your colleagues, but most of them were probably with families and friends that day, so you didn't want to intrude.
Kanika smiles apologetically. "You know I would've invited you to my place if we were in town, right? I'm really so-"
"Kanika, please don't apologize," you cut her out. "It's ok! I was fine by myself."
No, you weren't. You felt even more lonely, having always spent the day with friends and family.
"Still. It can be depressing spending New Year's day alone."
Kanika was the first person you contacted after you were notified about your promotion. You got her email address from your company's website and emailed her. You informed her about your promotion and that you were really excited to move to South Korea and to work under her. She replied enthusiastically that she was really impressed by your profile and was excited to work with you. You've become close after that. She was the one who helped you find a decent apartment and introduce you to this new city.
You smiled at her. She is right though. There's no point stressing over the project right now. Everything has been going smoothly about the BTS project till now. Even though there's a lot of things that can go wrong, you are sure that everyone will be able to handle that. You just hope your hard work pays off well.
______________________________________
Is it possible to love someone else when your soulmate is around? The girl on the TV asks her crush.
Of course it is. Some people cheat on their soulmate all the time, the same soulmate whom they promised to always love. They fall out of love. They find someone better, someone they connect to more than they do with their soulmates. It's not the 18th century anymore when it was scandalous if you are not with your soulmate. Nowadays people are cautious about who they wanna spend their life with. There are people who are waiting for their soulmate, people who are just friends with their soulmate, people who don't want their soulmate. It's not rare anymore.
You try to focus on the drama that's playing on your TV. The laptop which is resting on your left is displaying an empty bedroom. The girl on the TV is crying, trying to reason with her crush that they can be happy together, when a voice calls out your name from the laptop. You head snaps at it. Asfandiyar's hands are stretched out, giving you the perfect view of his outfit on the screen.
"How about this one?"
You scan him from head to toe. His head is styled perfectly. He is wearing a light grey turtleneck and white slacks. You nod your head and mutter, "Looks good."
He gives you a funny look. "That's it? No 'you look like a gridded pineapple'?"
"Well, you should've told me sooner that my insults inspire you, Asfan." You bat your eyelashes at him. "I would prepare them better next time then."
You watch as he rolls his eyes, going around to put on his watch. You pull a thread from your sweater, trying to cut it out.
"Say hi to Rue for me," you say, a slow sly grin taking over your face. He stills for a moment, looking at you with big eyes. You tilt your head, "Why? Isn't it why you are dressing up so nicely? Because she would be there at the party?"
He looks down, smiling shyly. "What? A man can't even dress up to impress his soulmate now?" he murmurs shyly.
You scrunch your nose,"You're so sappy."
"Well I'm not the one who is single for her soulmate."
"I'm not single because of my soulmate! I just don't have the time to date anymore! And excuse me, you are single too."
"I'm single because my soulmate also doesn't have time to date," He tsks as he grabs his jacket. "She's really your cousin."
"Try to talk to her today. Don't just stare at her, ok?" You laugh out loud.
"Well it's not my fault she is so pretty," He winks at you. You shake your head, whispering, "Whipped ass." Thankfully he didn't catch it.
"When are you leaving for Gangwon-do?" He asks as he puts on his coat.
"This evening." You glance at your watch. It's only 12 at noon right now. You've got plenty of time to relax. You didn't go to your office as you guys were leaving today anyway. Kanika dismissed the project members for today. You take a deep breath. It was honestly getting irritating, the useless stress you are getting. Usually when you are stressed it means you're going to give your hundred percent to your job. Your stress-work was usually your best work.
"Hey."
Your head snaps to your laptop. Asfan moves closer to the screen, his eyes filled with worry. "You okay? You are quieter than usual today."
There's a thing about you that drives all of your friends crazy, that is how little you share your problems with them. You can gently coax out everyone's problems but wouldn't tell them yours until it's too late, either because of the fear of rejection or because of judgment.
You look at Asfan's concerning eyes and almost tell him about your struggles, about that nagging feeling you've been feeling since you moved here. But you stop yourself. There's no point telling him. You didn't want anyone to feel that you are not adjusting here.
You are usually a very calm and happy person, granted that you are always stressed about your work, but optimism runs in your blood. That's why this whole situation is irritating you more, because the more stressed and alone you feel the more depressed you become.
Asfan calls out your name gently again, his head tilted, face showing more concern than before. He has been your friend for years now. You know that he wouldn't judge you. But you didn't want him to worry about you.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," you force out a laugh,"I'm just tired."
Asfan eyes you with worry. You know he didn't buy your excuse, but still he nods his head. "Get some rest. Tell me how the shooting goes. And be careful."
"Always am. Have fun."
Asfan waves his hand as you disconnect the video call. He was right. You do need some rest. Maybe taking a nap wouldn't be so bad.
___________________________________________
"Fuck, it's so cold," Haneul swears as the two of you make your way to the house. The weather has worsened so much in a few hours that it's almost impossible to step out of the building. You guys move around the crowd of tourists and locals, quickly walking toward the shooting location.
There's a small island in Gangwon-do which is famous for the hanok village. The old traditional houses aka the hanok were matching the traditional vibes of the outfits of the photoshoot. It was originally planned that the shooting would take place in the garden area of the small village. But because of the weather, you guys had to make a last minute change.
"It was a bad idea," you snap as you step inside the house. "We should've canceled the photoshoot." You were getting frustrated as the minutes went by. "Honestly, what was the point if we had to shoot indoors anyways? It was quite obvious we can't shoot outside in this weather," you grit out.
"At least they've let us use the hanok," Haneul says hopefully. The official management team of the village have given you guys permission to shoot inside the hanok.
"And why are there so many people outside? It's kind of dangerous to be out there in this weather," you demand.
"Most of them are locals. They have to open their business every morning, you know," Haneul explains.
Of course you know that. You know you are getting irritated for no reason. You don't know if you should blame it on the headache that you've gotten up with this morning or the fact that your heart keeps jumping every now and then for no reason whatsoever. Guilt consumes your heart, knowing that the way you are lashing on people isn't acceptable. You let out a sigh, trying to get rid of your frustration. Haneul pats your back sympathetically, "Just a few more hours than we'll be safe in our hotel rooms."
Haneul, one of the fashion stylists of your company, is the most optimistic creature you've ever come across.
You two make your way to the center of the house. Most of the people with you are from the production section. The photographer is talking with Yung Sung. In the center the models are getting ready to begin the last bit of the shooting. You can see the stylists in the corner with some other models, trying to fix their outfits. As for the designers, there were just you, Yung Sung and Hwan.
Hwan bows to you when he spots you. You bow back and make your way toward him.
"How's it going?" You ask him.
"If you are talking about the shooting then it's going great. Almost over actually. But if you are talking about the weather then I think I'm gonna die today," Hwan says merrily.
Even though you roll your eyes, there's a playful smile on your face. You look out of the big window, which is giving you the perfect view of the garden outside.
"It's taking longer than we thought it would, the shooting," you mutter, eyeing the dark clouds through the window.
"Yeah. It's like the weather has slowed down everything," Hwan says as he too looks out of the window. "Where did you disappear to by the way? Haneul was gone too," Hwan asks as he sips into his third cup of coffee of today.
"Kanika called. There was a production problem with the BTS project. We were just trying to sort it out. Hey, did you know-"
You stop abruptly and spin around. A shiver runs down your whole body. You frantically look around. You can feel the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. You take a step forward and try to find something that must've caused it.
"What?" Hwan looks at you and then where you are looking.
"What…what was that?"
"What was what?"
"Didn't you feel that?" Your heart has started to beat faster. Your hand automatically goes to your chest, feeling the fast rhythm. "Like…like someone is there?" You swear you felt it. But it's not a presence, not really. It was more like a weird tug.
"Where?" You can hear the confusion in his voice.
"I don't know. Like someone was right here behind me?"
You look at Hwan. He's looking around, eyes big with confusion. "Could it be a ghost? This place is kinda old," He whispers, his eyes are darting toward the whole room comically. His frantic expression somehow eases your internal panic.
You open your mouth to tease him when a staff member of the village comes into the room. He looks troubled, his eyes scanning the whole room. When he spots Chan Soo, your project leader, he makes his way toward him. He reaches Chan Soo and says something to him quietly. Chan Soo looks like he's really trying not to panic.
"Did something happen?" You wonder. Hwan shrugs, looking as confused as you feel.
When the staff member leaves, Chan Soo makes his way toward you guys. When he is closer Hwan asks him, "What's going on?"
"We have to leave. Now. The storm is hitting earlier than they thought. And they -"
"What! But the storm was supposed to hit tonight!" Hwan whines.
"Do you think it's my fault?" Chan Soo snaps hotly. It was clear that he isn't really thrilled about it either. "Anyway, we have to leave now. They are going to force the tourists to leave in a few hours. We have to leave too."
"But we are not done with the shooting yet," you point out.
"It's ok, it'll be enough for now. If it's not then we'll figure it out" Chan Soo says impatiently. "Now, everyone," He addresses everyone loudly and explains the situation.
In the next hour you all are almost ready to leave. Some people are still cleaning up the set up when Chan Soo says,"Why don't you guys go ahead?" Pointing at you, Yung Sung and Haneul. "I'll come with the rest of them. Go."
You guys nod and make your way to the front door. Haneul opens the front door and you are welcome by a gush of cold air. Yung Sung swears under her breath. The sky is covered with dark clouds. The cold is way too much to handle. It looks like the storm will start any minute. But it doesn't faze you at all.
All you can feel is a warm fuzziness. The nagging feeling that has been bugging you for months now intensifies ten times more. Haneul says something about finding the car and takes off.
You look over at the place where people are still gathered, probably trying to get out of here. You feel it again, the sensation making your hair stand on end again. You feel a strange pull, it's like an invisible thread pulling you somewhere.
"Did you feel that?" You ask Yung Sung, feeling the beat of your heart quickening.
"Feel what?"
"That thing," you touch the back of your neck. "Is it because of the storm?"
"What? Are you feeling cold?" Yung Sung asks.
That's when you feel the pull again. You realize that it's coming from the lawn. People are still crowded there, trying to get out or go somewhere safe. You unconsciously take a step toward them, but Yung Sung grabs your hand. "Y/N-ssi, where are you going?"
You shake your head no, murmuring a quiet, "I'll be right back." You start walking toward the lawn. You can hear Yung Sung calling you. But you ignore her.
You quick walk into the middle of the lawn. Your heart is beating way too fast now. Your breaths are coming quickly. You look around almost frantically. People are making their way beside you. Nothing is happening out of sort. Am I going mad? You think to yourself. Has the nagging feeling been a warning that I'm going crazy?
You run your hand through your hair and let out a frustrating breath. You look everywhere again. Something must be wrong, otherwise why would you feel this way? People are giving you funny looks. Of course they are, they can probably see you panicking.
You let out another frustrating breath. Yung Sung might be right, this might be happening because of the storm. You shake your head and start to go over where Yung Sung is.
Two things happen at once. Suddenly there is a booming sound of thunder and you feel a presence from behind you this time. You still for a moment, feeling the quick beating of your heart. For a moment you feel like you are stuck in that place. You take a long breath, close your eyes and try to feel that presence again. There's an overwhelming sensation building inside you. But then you open your eyes, take another long breath and slowly turn around. Your heart is beating painfully now.
You fully turn around and your eyes immediately land on….him. Then you finally meet his eyes.
And Oh.
He can't be more than twenty feet ahead of you. But you can feel his warmth from where you stand. The nagging feeling finally stops and it's like it has melted into your heart. It's like something inside you finally settles. Your heart skips a beat and then starts beating with a new rhythm.
You can't see his face because of his mask. But his eyes. His eyes bore into yours. It's warm. And dark. Like the night sky. His shoulders are tensed. Something warms your heart. It's him. It's finally him. Your soulmate.
The sky breaks and the rain starts pouring. The raindrops are harsh on your skin. The coldness is numbing your surroundings. People are rushing to find a shelter. But all you feel is the warmth.
Neither of you are moving. Your breathing is coming slowly now. You can visibly see him relaxing, as if his breathing is coming to normal too. You cautiously take a step toward him, when someone tries to walk past you and knocks into you. You lose your balance and almost fall over but the stranger grabs your hand to steady you.
"So sorry. Are you OK?" The stranger asks.
You snap out of your haze. You realize that it has started to rain. You nod your head at the stranger, mutter a " fine". You immediately look around where your soulmate was standing. But he is gone. Lost into the crowd.
You panic for a second. You look around, trying to find him. But suddenly someone grabs your arm. You jump at the sudden touch, haven't realized how cold it actually is.
"Y/N-ssi, what are you doing?" Yung Sung asks. She's holding an umbrella over her head. "Come on, our car is here. You can't just run off in the rain!"
And suddenly there's a hand dragging you somewhere. You numbly follow her. Your mind is covered in haziness. You can't function what just happened. Seems like you can't even open your mouth to say something.
It's when you are safely inside the car with everyone else when things start coming back to you. Your breathing hitches, eyes going big, the shock of what happened finally settles into you. All these years when you've been waiting for this moment to happen, waiting for him to show up, but it happened when you least expected it, when meeting him was the least of your worries. Is this what everyone meant when they say that your soulmates will appear at any random moment of your life? That you will feel their presence before you set your eyes upon them?
The panic you were feeling a few moments ago melts into a giddy feeling. You slowly smile to yourself. Things around you have started to clear up a bit. Everyone is talking in hush voices. It's raining so heavily that you can't even see anything outside the car. Someone has draped a jacket on your shoulder, your clothes wet and sticking to your body. You don't need to look into the mirror to know that your hair is a mess.
But all that matters is the happiness you feel right now. You can't help the smile on your face, have to purse your lips to keep the laughter from coming out. You hide your face on your shoulder and look outside the car's window. You wish that you could always remember this moment, that you never forget the moment when you saw those dark eyes for the very first time.
___________________________________________
The rain is pouring more heavily now. Even though the heater is on, the cold doesn't entirely go away. You sit by the window of your hotel room, legs pulled up to your chest, your face rests on your knees. As your emotions are not jumbled up like it was before, you feel calm now.
You've always loved the rain. You don't know what's about it that draws you toward it. Maybe it was the smell of wet earth, or maybe the sound or maybe the cool breeze. But it always had a calming effect on you. A quiet peacefulness.
And of course.
Of course, he showed up when it's raining, you think, letting out a quiet chuckle.
Because clearly if the rain calms you down, then your soulmate will come to you drenched in rain too. It makes so much sense right now. And you are nothing if not hopelessly romantic. So even though it was cliche, way too dramatic even for you, your inner romantic is very happy.
You don't think you'll ever be able to describe how peaceful you feel right now. The pure happiness has warmed up your entire body, making your heart feel soft. And every time you close your eyes, you see those eyes and it's like your heart settles down every time.
You hug your knees closer to yourself and let out a content sigh. You finally understand why it felt so important to move to Seoul.
___________________________________________
The harsh air greets you like a splash of cold water as you step out of the hotel the next morning. You shudder, pulling your scarf more tightly around your neck. It's not raining anymore, but the air is misty. You walk closely behind Yung Sung and Haneul.
If it wasn't for this shitty weather, you would've explored the town. But you guys have to leave for Seoul first thing in the morning.
The three of you make your way toward the car. Yung Sung and Haneul talk animatedly about some upcoming movies. But your eyes scan every face you can find. You didn't get much sleep last night. The excitement and giddiness have kept you awake most of the night. You look at your left, trying to find him.
Chan Soo stands right in front of the car, his hands on his hips. "Get in," he grumbles, clearly not happy about the weather.
Yung Sung and Haneul hurriedly get into the car. But you look back and search the crowd once again. You can't cast out the hope that's blooming inside your heart. You know it's highly unlikely that he's going to be just outside your hotel.
But still.
Chan Soo calls out your name. You look back and he gestures for you to get into the car. You let out a small sigh, nod and make your way to the car, feeling crestfallen.
Misery creeps into your heart, but you quickly put it aside. You know that he will show up again. The hope that has developed into you overnight dims a little, because you might have been wishing that you will see him in the morning.
But you are nothing but optimistic. You take a deep breath, the heaviness that you've felt inside your heart for the past few months is gone now, replaced by pure content.
And as far as finding him again is concerned, as you've met him already, then you will meet him again soon. Right?
#kim taehyung#taehyung × reader#taehyung×reader#kth fanfic#kth x reader#taehyung fluff#taehyung angst#kth fluff#kth angst#taehyung fanfic#taehyung scenarios#bts fluff#bts angst#bangtanhq#taehyung x you#bts fanfic#bts scenarios#taehyung soulmate au
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Shattered Glass | kth - Fic Announcement
Series Summary: They say time heals all wounds, but it's been eight years since you cut each other out of your lives and the pain is still sharp as ever. You were the best of friends, and a whisper of something more, but the future you once dreamed of shattered in the blink of an eye. Thrust back together by a twist of fate, you find yourselves torn between the past and the present as you struggle to pick up the pieces.
Pairing: idol!taehyung x idol!reader
Genre : idol!au (mostly canon-compliant), friends to enemies to idiots to lovers (these two will put you through the ringer), mutual pining, fluff, heavy angst, eventual smut, slow burn
Rating: 18+
Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, serious trust issues, physical violence (not with each other), mentions of past sexual abuse and infidelity, explicit sexual content; chapters will have their own warnings!
Schedule: Fall 2022
Taglist: Please comment or send an ask to be added!
a/n: I wrote half of this last year before getting pregnant with my daughter, but have been stalled out since then. I'm hoping that by posting this announcement I'll magically find the motivation to finish this once and for all :)
teaser below the cut
⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅ Taehyung ⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙
When Taehyung’s gaze landed on you, he nearly choked on his martini. The drink - his third of the night - was in clear violation of the personal rule he usually adhered to of having no more than two drinks while at any Big Hit-sponsored events. While his tolerance had improved significantly over the years, he still never wanted to take any chances, knowing how quickly a light buzz can morph into much more if you aren’t careful. Being that one inebriated idiot in a room full of mostly sober people was never a good look, but it was far worse when some of those people were your bosses or, if you were really having a bad day, members of the media.
And yet, there he was, well on his way to legitimate drunkenness.
You must have arrived recently because there was absolutely no way he wouldn’t have spotted you sooner. Your dress was bright red, the same exact shade of red as a stop sign, he couldn’t help but notice. It was form fitting, falling just above the knee, with a sweetheart neckline and halter tie strap. You’d paired it with matching red stilettos and a few simple pieces of silver jewelry. Your hair was up in one of those perfectly messy buns, your lips painted scarlet.
You and the other girls from Red Velvet were on the far side of the room in the middle of a conversation with the guys from TXT. You appeared to be telling some sort of story, having apparently just said something hilarious given the way the guys all threw their heads back in laughter. You were smiling back at them, looking confident and relaxed, elegant yet sexy, truly and utterly stunning.
And, just like that he was annoyed.
You would dress like that tonight, wearing something so eye-catching that it made it virtually impossible for him to not let his gaze linger on your figure every time he stopped staring into the bottom of his glass. You would act so boldly, waltzing in here like you owned the place, talking and laughing with his friends while he sulked alone in the corner. You would be completely unaffected by his presence, that is, if you even noticed he was there.
Watching with narrowed eyes as you leaned in to whisper something into Yeonjun’s ear, his grip on the glass in his hand tightened. You were the reason why he’d broken his two-drink rule within an hour of arriving at the party. In fact, you were the reason why he’d been drinking more and sleeping less and losing his grip entirely these last few months. Since the moment Bang PD told them of the acquisition, he’d been living in a constant state of low-level, but ever-growing anxiety.
He had long ago locked you in a box and thrown away the key, taking all that you once were and never would be and erasing it from his waking mind. You were meant to stay in there forever, but now here you were, crashing back into his life and threatening to ruin everything. Just looking at you was stirring up memories and feelings he hadn’t the slightest clue how to deal with, ones that were still sharp and terrible as ever, even after all this time.
As he took another recklessly large gulp of his drink, he seriously considered making a break for it through the emergency exit behind him. Clearly the two of you would cross paths sooner or later now that you worked for the same company, but he wanted to delay that reunion for as long as humanly possible. Having not had a legitimate conversation with you in almost a decade, he had absolutely no idea what he was going to say to you.
Despite the fact that you were both K-pop idols, and therefore members of a rather small circle, the two of you had done a remarkable job of avoiding one another over the last few years. Belonging to different management companies had certainly helped in that regard, as did the fact that you didn’t share any mutual friends. Although BTS and Red Velvet often attended the same award shows, there were usually so many people there that you didn’t run into each other. On the rare occasions when your groups had been forced to interact on stage or on the red carpet, the two of you had donned your most convincing smiles and pretended to be friendly, casual acquaintances.
The only truly meaningful correspondence you’d had since high school was three years ago when his grandmother died and you sent your condolences in a handwritten letter. It had taken him two days to build up the courage to open it. The instant he started reading, he broke down. There on the page before him, in the same neat handwriting that used to appear on folded notes tucked into his backpack, were the most heartfelt, sorrowful words.
You had met both his grandparents many times when you came with him to visit their farm in Daegu, but you’d always had a special relationship with his grandmother. Having never met either of your own, you said that she filled the hole in your heart by showering you with love and affection as if you were one of her own grandchildren. From the scattered blotches of smeared ink he could tell that you’d cried while writing the letter which absolutely shattered him. He hated it when you cried, especially when he wasn’t there to comfort you.
The letter he wrote in response was five pages long. Into it, he poured his entire soul, telling you how happy he was to hear from you and how much it meant to him that you’d remembered his grandmother. He told you that she always loved you and that she asked about you every single time he called to talk to her, even after you’d stopped speaking to one another. He recounted some of your fondest memories from the farm like that time you got stung by a bee on the tip of your nose and looked like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
He asked about your family, wondering if they still lived in Jeonju and if you were able to see them often. He asked how you’d liked living in New York City and mentioned how impressed he was with your English. He congratulated you on joining Red Velvet, confessing that he’d been following your career closely for the past year and was so proud of how seamlessly you’d filled the role of main vocalist.
And, he told you that he missed you. He told you he missed you so much that it hurt and that he thought about you every single day. He apologized again for the awful things he said to you that fateful day all those years ago, telling you he truly didn’t mean any of it and that he was just sad and scared because you were going to be so far away from him for so long. He said he wished more than anything that you could be a part of his life again. He left his phone number and all but begged you to contact him before signing the letter, ‘Love Tae’.
But, you never did.
You never wrote back. You never texted. You never called.
Deep down, he had been holding out hope that you would come back to him one day, but your silence made him realize that was nothing more than wishful thinking. You had written out of respect for his grandmother, nothing more. You had moved on and carved out a new life for yourself, one in which he did not have a place.
You were no longer his best friend. You were no longer his princess. You were no longer his anything.
#kth x reader#kim taehyung#taehyung angst#taehyung smut#bts taehyung#btsv#bts angst#taehyung series#taehyung x reader#taehyung x y/n#taehyung x you#kth angst#kth smut#kim taehyung angst
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#taehyung icons#taehyung layouts#bts layouts#taehyung moodboard#bts v#taehyung#bts taehyung#bts packs#kth angst#vkook#vintage
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Luna and Solis
Summary: You fall for the only son of your family's generational loathed enemy
Pairing: kth and fem! reader
Word count: 647 words
⊰᯽⊱┈───── ✧ ─────┈⊰᯽⊱
You smelled like fresh rose petals, akin to the unthorned blooming genus rosa within the grand Capulet garden wall. With every step forward, your golden linen satin dressing gown swayed, identical to the ocean's tides. Upon reaching the comforts of your sleeping chamber, you couldn't help but admire the magnificent pools of moonlight, which streamed through brilliant venetian gothic windows. In a twinkling of an eye, warm, shallow breezes found themselves softly caressing your figure, hugging you softly, as you tenderly strided toward a small brick balcony. Joyous activities expectantly continued to fill the midnight spirit, as the Venetian Masquerade Ball commenced indoors the family tower home.
However, you were wholly incapable of regarding the bal masqué, as well as your privileged visitants. Your soul was more preoccupied by the intoxicating stranger you had tenderly brushed with your chaste lips. Masked in mystery and draped in sin, he had birthed an obscene desire deep within you. You were simply a nocturnal beauty irresistibly drawn toward the sunlight's luminance. Had you known you were fluttering toward affliction, you may have been able to hold your fondness back.
Unfortunately, you had become a victim of Cupid's devious golden arrow. Woefully having the unfortunate luck to love a loathed enemy, the only son of your family's greatest foe. A Kim.
A murmur of fresh air began stroking your intricate locks, as if whispering the promises of unconditional love. You leaned across your balcony, overlooking the rich orchards and the stone courtyard. Having only the enlightened moon as a witness, your blushing cheeks were laid upon your graceful hands. And as you rested your eyes closed, head curved to the right, you couldn't help but wonder what both of your families would do if they knew.
Ceaseless tragedy had always corrupted the timeless city of fair Verona. Sweet Cherubs had looked down from The Garden of Eden and scoffed at the endless brawls. Both noble families had clashes that were so endless in fact, that only Angels could recall the origin. Despite being a Capulet, your blood ran cold, reminiscent of the vicious resentment growing every generation. Your beau would surely be savagely murdered and you forlornly married away to another man.
With wide opened eyes and orbs in heaven, you observed the twinkling stars calling for your acknowledgment, easily illuminating the melodious nightingales. Were they perhaps singing a symphony of his sweet charm? Or was it a composition describing his disreputable rebellion? You leaned over your balcony as if trying to get a good listen. A hand was then tentatively brought to its stoney face, idly playing with a plump, saturated orchid leaf growing atop the walls. Out of all the treasured flowers in Italy, he was the most precious to you. Your heart never beat as lively as it did with the fairest flower of them all.
The moon's celestial body shone proudly, shining a pathway for the emerging creatures of the dark to wholly frolic in. You found your eyelids heavy, drowsy with infatuation and weariness. Yawns flowed through your cherry lips. Mellow fingers once again, found themselves laid upon your delicate cheek. Your long eyelashes continually fluttered, akin to a great Monarch's wings, signaling a hunger only slumber could quench. You extended your slender arms. Slowly stretching itself back into a familiar position.
In spite of your desire for rest, you silently perched atop the rough balcony. Your moving fingers encircled your elongated legs from under the tender texture of the nightgown. Warm touches intertwined with your longings, had you covertly wishing your beau was the one encircling your legs from under the garment instead. Holding your head high, you abruptly let out a lover's sigh.
"O Taehyung, Taehyung! wherefore art thou Taehyung? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet. "
⊰᯽⊱┈───── ✧ ─────┈⊰᯽⊱
Authors note: This was inspired by one of my favorite classical tragedies, Romeo and Juliet :) l'm currently thinking of continuing writing this story, hence its not necessarily done yet.
#drabble#fluff#oneshot#kth x reader#kth fluff#kth fanfic#kth angst#reader x taehyung#bts#romeo and juliet
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until forever falls apart | 01.
pairing: kim taehyung, reader
genre: angst, exes au.
warnings: emotional cheating, infidelity, swearing, detailed smut, chain smoking as a coping mechanism.
word count: 11.8k
description: you’ve never been much of a believer in the phrase ‘first love never dies’ but it seems as if the universe badly wants to prove it to you — and you’re absolutely and royally damned the moment you find out that the phrase holds truth.
or alternatively, you come as a stand-in photographer for your cousin’s prenup shoot and you find out that it’s your secret ex who’s about to get married, and kim taehyung really doesn’t make it any less easy for you.
01 | ongoing.
Love has always been easy for you — both falling into or getting out of it, but more of the latter, really.
However, there are things about this so-called ‘love’ that you don’t quite get — will probably never get — and it leaves you in a sticky position when friends come to ask advice that roots from such a concept.
It always ends in a snotty mess and a sigh of I don’t know why I came to you for this at the end anyway. It makes you feel like shit; a clueless, ignorant, wondering piece of shit because how is it that everyone seems to have been looking at love and defining it from a single different lens with a unified perspective, and you’re stuck at seeing it from the other endpoint.
It isn’t your fault you don’t assimilate hurt with loving, is it? It isn’t your fault that you don’t expect to clean up a colossal mess every time love comes to its end. And it most certainly isn’t your fault that when love ends, you let it go. It ended, and that’s that. For you, anyway. So, why exactly, do people fault you for having such a reaction at the conclusion of a relationship?
Why does it seem to be a taboo and something that’s unheard of when a month after a relationship ends, you find yourself not grieving over a love that’s lost? When and why does it seem to have become the standard to mope and pine and cry as if acceptance and moving on is an outlawed concept right after a relationship ends?
That’s because you’re a heartless, unfeeling bastard, that’s why, as your best friend, Jungkook, so likes to put it every single time. And maybe, it is the defeat and the eventual acceptance that people will never see things in your perspective that you just roll your eyes and move on with your day.
Love, for you, is something that ends when it ends. A wound that closes, heals. It leaves a scar, sure. You remember the hurt, yes. But the initial peak of pain wouldn’t be there again if it healed, would it.
With all that, you’ve become unsure — of what to do, of what to say, of how to act — when people lament over a lost love. Which, at this very moment, is what exactly your sister is doing.
All tears, snot, and hiccups under your blankets.
Sobs wrack her body in an uncontrollable shake, a vibrating mess under the sheets as you’re left to wonder what the fuck to do with your hands. But you never get the answer because she wails, head lifting from the blankets, “How could he do that to me? Six years, six years! Six years he threw away for what, a year of meaningless sex with his assistant?”
You don’t really think it’s meaningless when dear, dear respectable Hyunwoo decides to break off the engagement, but you keep your mouth shut and continue to awkwardly pat your sister’s back.
Your hand stills just an inch away from her back when she looks at you, wet eyes and mouth set in a downward curve, and whispers, “What should I do now?” She sniffles and you flinch. Because her goddamn snot is staining your bed but fuck, okay, you can’t think about that now, “I love him.”
You hesitate, weighing the words you’re about to speak in your head and thinking about the consequences before settling for a question, “You–you’re not thinking about giving him another shot if he asks for it, are you?”
At this, your sister remains silent and you sigh because yes, yes she will give him a chance in one heartbeat if the bastard do so much as give her a fucking petal and a printed ‘I’m sorry’ hallmark note.
“You don’t get it.”
Ah, there it is.
Of course, it’s always going to come down to you not getting it.
Maybe your sister sees it, the anger bubbling in your gaze as you glare at her, because she scrambles to sit down with her legs underneath her, knees parallel each other as she kneels on the bed facing you.
And it would have been funny, seeing your older sister like this, but the searing exasperation breaks through and you let it, mouth opening, “No, you don’t get it. See, this is not just a matter of moving the fuck on. He fucked you over, Hana, so much that there’s no amount of apology or groveling he can do to fix that. He fucked his assistant when he’s due to walk down the aisle in a year with you and if that doesn’t spell out how much respect he has for you, for our family, and you still choose to remain blind despite that, then you came to the wrong person because I won’t coddle you.”
“I care about you,” your voice softens and you see her shoulders slump, “This is not just about my once-it-ends-then-it-ends view on relationships. Hyunwoo did an unthinkable, unforgivable thing and there’s no going back from that. I’m not letting you walk back to the person who lacks respect for a relationship, much less for you. Do you get where I’m coming from?”
Hana nods meekly, head hanging low before you hear her sniffle once more. It hurts to see her like this and you want nothing more but to pummel the son of a bitch who did this to her, “I’m sorry.”
You shake your head and you let out a breath, all air knocked out from your lungs when she slumps forward, arms snaking around your shoulders as she pulls you in for a tight hug, the phrase of ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ a litany on her tongue. You squeak as her legs slither their way around you in a tight grip and she lets out a weak laugh that sounded much more like a wheeze before you push her off, feeling a wet blot on your shoulder.
“I want to be you for a day. Not like you,” she mutters as she gets comfortable on the pillows, your pillows, “But be you entirely. I want this pain to vanish in a week and just forget about him.”
She pauses, “Maybe after I key his car.”
The pain doesn’t vanish, you think and tell her. “I just learned how to deal with it, Hana. And it isn’t overnight that I do it. And you will get over it too. Heal from it. Someday, one day.”
The silence that follows is comforting, and you think she must’ve fallen asleep, just as most do after a good cry. But she hasn’t, you realize, when she rolls over once more and speaks in a quiet voice, “The way you are right now,” she pauses, only continuing when you give her a nod, “is it because of him?”
There are only a handful of people that could fit about who she means, you know that, but you refuse to speak of any of them and opt to ask her a question instead, “Which way that I am exactly are you referring to?”
“The closed-off you,” Hana replies, a soft tilt to her words, “I had a theory, you know, that you moved on so fast from the relationships you had after because you were never really invested in the people after him. That he broke you, enough for you to place that, whatever you have around your heart that doesn’t allow people to hurt you. You love other people, but you never really allow them to love you as much because of it which makes detachment and parting easier when it ends.”
You don’t really mean to, but the words Hana speaks are like a vacuum, drawing you into a place you’ve managed to tuck away in the very back of your mind. Memories rush in and you drown in it — of honey blond hair, rectangle smiles, and skin that smelled of oakmoss and jasmine.
“Am I right?”
You let out a laugh as you nudge a pillow towards your sister, “You and your unending theories. No, Hana. It’s not because of anyone in particular. This is just how I am, how I think. It’s just unfortunate that it's only the minority that shares the same sentiments as I do.”
Hana looks as if she’d try to refute before deciding against it, groaning when her phone rings and you raise an eyebrow because who in hell would be calling her at midnight. She shakes her head, twisting the phone around so you can see who’s calling and you see the word Studio and you shrug before she takes the call, only hearing snippets of the conversation and it seems as if it's about work.
Hana owns a photography studio — a hobby turned business venture with her friends. Your parents were against it initially, deeming it a ‘not suitable’ business for Hana, but your older sister is a head-strong bull and proceeded with her plans without a single support from your parents and of course, because she’s Hana Park, she can make anything succeed if she puts her mind to it.
“—yeah, you goof, I’ll be right there, don’t worry. Why are you so stressed about this anyway, is this your secret wedding or something?” You lie closer to your sister and she mouths ‘Jimin’ before returning to picking her nails, “I get it, okay. Stop freaking out, I promise to be there tomorrow. M’kay, bye.”
She heaves a dragged-out, exaggerated sigh just as she tosses her phone on the bed where it bounced, “You know, I’d assume it’s our dear brother’s prenuptial photoshoot tomorrow with the way he’s freaking out over the details. I’d actually think that if I didn’t know of him and his single ass and his emotional attachment to his bachelor title.”
“It’s Sunday tomorrow, and you’re booked because of that phone call,” You list, “So I can only assume Jimin knows one of them and used his connections to book your exclusive ass into working on a Sunday.”
Hana laughs, “You’re not wrong. Soyeon made the reservation for November, which is like, a month from now. Jimin moved it for tomorrow in such a rush last week for reasons I don’t know why.”
“Soyeon?” You gasp, eyes going wide, “You’re not talking about Yang Soyeon, are you? Oh my god, how did I not know about this?”
Your sister snorts, ungraceful and loud, “Who would have expected for the youngest cousin in the family to be the first one to be wed, huh? Date’s set for April next year and I don’t even know who she’s marrying,” But she pauses and a frown mars her features, “I would’ve been the first one to walk the aisle and yet, here I am.”
Wait.
“Hana,” you start, “aren’t you meeting Hyunwoo’s parents tomorrow for brunch? To formally call off the wedding? Isn’t that what you came here for tonight, because you were having second thoughts of actually calling it off tomorrow?”
You see the realization dawn upon her, her eyes widening in recognition of the planned confrontation, her mouth dropping to a comical shape of the letter ‘o’ before she sits up so fast you actually ask if her back’s okay and you hear the frantic hits of her nails against the glass of her phone, the worry leaking thickly in her voice as she speaks to multiple people, all of which ending in a frustrated sigh and groan from your older sister.
“Fuck!” she screams as she disconnects from a call once more, “I can’t find anyone to replace me, everyone’s either booked already or have plans for tomorrow. Fuck, shit, I’m screwed. Jimin’s going to kill me. No photographer’s available tomorrow, what am I going to do now, I—you.”
You still, nailed in place by her stare, “Fuck are you looking at me for?”
It’s in this moment you feel the doom coming down on you from all the corners of the universe when Hana smiles, actually feeling it that you shiver. She picks up the phone, calls Jimin, asks if 10 o’clock is okay for everyone to gather tomorrow, kisses your cheek good night.
Kiss of fucking death, you feel like.
You’re never a morning person — nor do you have plans to become one — and you aren’t used to being awakened by a goddamn wet, slimy tongue licking your face all over.
Hana’s laugh echoes around your room, followed by hushed good job from her and a shrill bark from her dog (you really did not know how Orion arrived here when the dog wasn’t even here last night), and you are never one to have thoughts of murder so early in the morning but your family has really been testing your limits. But then you remember that you willingly handed over to Hana the passcode to your apartment, something for emergencies and shit like that, but of course, she took it as an invitation to come and go as she pleases.
Fortunately, she cleans up after Orion’s mess, thank god.
Rolling over, you prepare to squint as protection against the glare of the sun since Hana had already pulled back the curtains, but you sit up at the lack of the sun’s intrusion into your eyes and see that the sun hasn’t even risen yet. The city that you can see through the glass window is quiet, still in deep sleep. As you should be just before Hana woke you up.
“Dad’s going to have a fit when I tell him what you’re blackmailing me to do,” you groan, falling back on your pillow, “I’m running his business and here you are making me take photos of people Dad hates, well, by extension.”
Hana does nothing but flash you a grin, “You’re the only one I can trust to be on par with my skills, honey. Besides, I already have Dad booked in the freaking out area ‘cause you know, I’m a bachelorette now.”
You roll your eyes and you move off your bed, making it neat and tidy to which Hana scoffs before grabbing the mug of cold coffee right from her hands and chugging it all down. Looks like you’ll need more than a cup with what you’re going to be faced with today.
“Is Jimin coming? My car’s in the mechanic, I’m getting it tomorrow.”
Hana nods before telling you just how far Jimin is from your apartment, “About Jimin, actually.” Your sister trails off and you feel an oncoming headache because of course, there’s more.
“I didn't exactly tell him I can’t make it today so I’m trusting you to, um, calm him down when he freaks? He’s only weak to your charms and absolutely immune to mine.”
Turns out a little while after that, Jimin’s absolutely immune to the both of you. Especially you.
“No, what the fuck. What—no.”
Jimin stands frozen, fingers gripping the edges of the kitchen island. His eyes are wide, mouth open in disbelief as he listens to Hana’s explanations of why she can’t go today, her eyes flashing as if to call you for help but you only shrug because there’s really nothing you can do to help her out of this. She made her own bed, might as well let her lie in it.
It irks you quite a bit though when Jimin starts to become unreasonable despite Hana’s crystal clear explanation as to why she’s unavailable today, and on a typical day, you know Jimin would understand, and would easily let it go because obviously, Hana’s life matters take precedence over a photoshoot that can be scheduled on a different day. Jimin today, however, is extra adamant on not having you take over the shoot and it might have very, just very slightly struck the wrong nerve in you.
“You know, Jimin, if this is a matter of your trust in my abilities, I’d gladly back out of this. I’m doing this as a favor to Hana, I’m not here to help you,” you quip, tight and low as you regard the both of them, “So, if you refuse to accept my help, then call your friend to find another photographer, better yet schedule another one with Hana.”
Hana starts to protest but Jimin shakes his head, turns to you with soft eyes and a pouting set of lips, “I’m sorry, that came off wrong. Really wrong. I swear I wasn’t trying to undermine your abilities, nor am I saying that there is anything to undermine because you’re good as shit at this, maybe even better than Hana, it’s just that—”
He cuts off his ramble mid-sentence as if to catch himself — to keep from spilling whatever his reservation about you being the stand-in for Hana, which you don’t really know what.
Three things about Jimin are these: he rambles when he’s extremely nervous, fidgets with his thumbs when he’s scared, and refuses to make any eye contact if he believes he’s done something wrong. It’s always one of the three when it comes to him and never altogether. And yet, he stands in front of you, doing all three simultaneously and your heart plummets to the marble flooring beneath you because what is he so scared of, really, to be like this in front of you.
“Look, if you don’t want me to do this, that’s okay,” You start to speak and Jimin turns to you and opens his mouth to speak when you shake your head. You aren’t finished speaking, “That is, if you have an alternative, if Soyeon agrees to reschedule, I’m sure Hana can fit them right in some other time—” You give a pointed look at your sister who rolls her eyes but nods, “—but if they don’t, you have no choice, Jimin. Unless you want to take the photos yourself.”
Jimin lets out a breath, agrees, and proceeds to call whoever he needs to and converses in a low tone that isn’t discernible to you, but Hana can hear and your eyebrows furrow in concern when her head turns so fast towards Jimin’s direction, panic clear-cut in her eyes as she picks up on whatever it is that Jimin is saying. She curses under her breath, turns ghostly pale before she pulls Jimin into one of the guest rooms, leaving you to your thoughts and your second cup of coffee.
“You kept this?”
It’s a good three minutes after that Jimin’s voice pulls you out of your trance — your attention previously held by the large black ant that is now on top of an apple. You turn and your breath hitches at the rough sketch of the overly-familiar Pomeranian in his right hand. You shrug, “Jungkook must have left it there when he came over.”
At this, Jimin raises his eyebrows. Stares at the picture a little bit too long before putting it back in place, under Jungkook’s purple-pink painting of a sunset, to the right of Jimin’s present two years before. He then looks at you, really looks at you, that you become unnerved enough to look away and pretend to busy yourself with some imaginary dust on the counter.
You know. You know how the framed sketch is too clean, too in place, and too taken care of to be something that your best friend accidentally left behind. And you know Jimin knows this too with the way his eyes turn to you and you fear. Fear that pity would be reflected in them and so you stand abruptly, deaf to the frantic calls of Hana and you head straight to the building basement and settle comfortably on the passenger seat of Jimin’s car.
You ran because you’re a coward — afraid to face questions you know you have no answers to.
Jimin enters not a minute later, silent and mum, but the silent looks your sibling keeps giving you is not something you miss no matter how discreet he tries to be about it. You brush it off though, citing the tense atmosphere to be the reason he’s doing so.
But little do you know that this is the first of the many mistakes you will be making — the tiniest among all others.
The theme is simple. Glamour, editorial-esque Vogue-spread motif. Fit for the rich. Something that exudes elegance and opulence. Classy, simple, and elegant. You nod as you skim through the print-out Hana rushes to get to you through one of her employees, one hand busy writing ideas and suggestions.
It warms your heart that despite all the things Hana has to face today, she hasn’t failed to make everything easier for you, as she always does. And everything’s in accordance, just as they should be. That is, except for one, someone. Jimin really cannot stop himself from shaking and you actually fear the poor boy is turning into a leaf, dancing in the wind, with how he physically cannot stop himself from moving.
You’ve had enough of it — his nervous fidgeting, the frantic scan of his eyes among the crowd, the unending bounce of his knees — so you move to approach him, just in time to pluck out the cigarette he’s about to light in his hand and he jumps, “Minie, you’re making me nervous here. I’ve seen you nervous but it’s never been this bad.”
Jimin looks at you and your chest constricts at the face he’s making. A beat, two beats before he lets out a shaky breath, “I’m sorry.”
You think of the exchange back at your apartment, the one where it came off as if he had no faith in you as Hana’s substitute and you let out a small laugh. You know Jimin would never think that. Flicking his chin, you shake your head, “It was me who took your words the wrong way, Min. You don’t need to apologize.”
He looks as if he wants to say more but a car pulls up, red and ostentatious with the way the roof is folded down, and you grin as you see your cousin, a matching upward curve to her lips.
It isn’t new, really, when you catch sight of her hair — beautiful shades of cotton candy pink and pastel blue glinting under the sun.
Beautiful, daring Soyeon, the darling of the Yangs.
You nearly meet your end, though, that day if it isn’t for Jimin cursing and pulling you back when Soyeon isn’t able to stop her car at the designated yellow parking line and she too squeaks a wheeze when she steps on the brakes. The car comes to a stop, and you see her breath does too, before she throws her head back and laughs.
“You’re fucking crazy.”
She sticks out her tongue before she jumps over the door, her flimsy taupe pants billowing after her. You only manage to let out a yelp of protest before she has you and Jimin in a bone-crushing hug and you feel your chest rasp to get some air in when she squeezes once more before finally letting go.
“This is a two-people marriage we’re having today, right? You’re not marrying yourself here?” You ask and laugh as she rolls her eyes. It’s definitely her thing and it wouldn’t be a surprise if she did. “I didn’t even know you were in a relationship and now you’re getting married?”
She shrugs, a wide smile still on her lips, “It just happened,” Her eyebrows furrow when she looks over at Jimin who’s uncharacteristically silent and nudges him, “I still won’t forgive you. I know my groom’s your best friend but it doesn’t really give you a free-pass to have him here at six in the morning to get you coffee. Who does that?”
You don’t really hear what Jimin has to say to her because you’re bidding your goodbye to them both when one of Hana’s assistants — the one she had assigned to brief you over all the details of today’s shoot — pulls you from the conversation, apology written all over her face at the thought of interrupting you but as soon as she open her mouth to speak, you dismiss it with an its okay and you signal for her to go ahead.
“This is the final list of the concepts Hana had brainstormed which one of the client is yet to choose from,” she hands you a thin stack of paper, a portfolio sandwiched between two clear binding covers, “The bride has already chosen the concepts she wants that are to be included for today’s shoot, so, all that's left is to hand the checklist to the groom for the shoot next week.”
Nodding, you skim through the portfolio and shit, it’s definitely good.
You’re whisked away towards the building, directed towards the seventh floor of the rented building in which you’re told Soyeon’s groom is, handpicking his outfits for the day.
You give the door a knock, hearing a bustle of people talking on the other side of the door, and when no one answers, you push the door open. You’re immediately greeted by a flurry of people walking back and forth, all of them either with stacks of paper in their arms or Brioni and Gucci suits in tow.
It’s a mess, a downright mess you want to run from because you haven’t ingested enough coffee to face this.
Which is exactly why you nearly cry when someone steps in front of you, a neat smile in place and a large cup of iced coffee in one hand, a hand extending towards you, “You look like you need this.”
He tilts his head once, gesturing inside the room, “I’m Yoongi, Min Yoongi. Jimin texted me earlier that his other sister is standing in for Hana and I assume that’s you.”
Something feels vaguely familiar about Min Yoongi and you list it off as a passing name Jimin had mentioned in the stories he had told you.
“There’s a meeting room on the very far left, grumpy groom’s there,” Yoongi smiles, “Nice meeting you, um—”
“(Y/N). My name’s (Y/N), nice to meet you too, Yoongi.”
You think as you walk that there’s no point in going over next week’s concept today since Hana can already make it by the next photoshoot and she would’ve understand better the dynamics of it all if they talk then, but okay, since you’re already here, might as well help all the way.
Through the frosted glass of the meeting room, you see a silhouette, tall and broad. You have never been a people-person and meeting new ones really isn’t your strong point so you take three deep breaths, hand tightening on the cup of coffee Yoongi handed you, before pushing the glass door open.
“Hi, I’m sorry I ran a bit late. It’s—”
And you stop.
You stop because you suddenly can’t feel the cold cup slipping from your grip. You stop because you feel the liquid pool at the very bottom of your shoes, sticky and wet and messy. You stop because you can’t breathe. You stop because your heart fucking stops too at the sight of Kim Taehyung.
Beautiful, dazzling Kim Taehyung.
First boyfriend, first love, now ex-lover, Kim Taehyung.
Soyeon’s groom and soon-to-be husband, Kim Taehyung.
“Everything okay here?” Yoongi. You hear his footsteps behind you before you see him and you can’t be thankful enough at the interference that’s very much needed.
But you allow yourself to be pathetic, just as you always are around Kim Taehyung. And because you can’t help it, frankly, when your eyes meet his and all sense that is good and common jumps out the window behind him. Because he looks fucking beautiful — him and his honey hair that’s now framing his face, a little bit longer, lighter. Because the room reeks of him, jasmine, vanilla, and oakmoss and it consumes you. The part of you that, despite it all, still longs for the Kim Taehyung from four years past.
On a good day and you meet him once more, you think you would have laughed. A fake smile and a head held high would’ve done it in front of him. But all it takes is one look now. One look, at the time when all your defenses are down, for the self-imposed chain that blocks it all to break and give, a domino effect in your mind as it all comes back; the whirlwind of feelings and emotions that the calamity of him brings forth.
You nod, feeling the light touch of Yoongi’s fingers around your arm, and you anchor yourself with it. Pull yourself from drowning in him once more. “Yeah, sorry,” You breathe, “It slipped. I’m really sorry.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll have someone take care of it, don’t worry,” Yoongi waves you off when you bend down to start cleaning up your mess, nods toward Taehyung, “Go on, he gets grumpy if he’s left to wait.”
Oh, you know.
So, you do.
You drag your legs to where Taehyung stands, feeling like you’re hauling wet logs for limbs. It’s silent, save for the sound of Yoongi’s shoes against the floor as he kicks at the fallen blocks of ice, and maybe, he takes the silence for Taehyung’s bout of pettiness because he hisses a quiet behave before he walks out. The silence becomes even more suffocating when now it’s just you and Taehyung.
“So—”
“I—”
You shut your mouth when he speaks at the same time as you.
You decide, though, to continue because you’re here for one thing and that one thing entails that you have something to say to him. But he doesn’t, he shouldn’t.
“So, let’s talk about concepts. I’ve been told that Soyeon has already chosen the ones for today — for both your individual and couple shots, and you get to choose the ones for the shoot with Hana next week. Here,” you slide the portfolio across the table, taking a seat across his own without waiting for him, “Hana already made an outline for everything so, this, is basically a checklist you just have to choose from and—”
“How are you?”
“—I’m just going to wait until you’re done filling them out so I can bring them back and start with—”
“(Y/N).” You finally look at him then and you look away the second you do because you’re trying so hard to keep yourself whole and you feel like one second more in his gaze and you’ll fall apart, “I’m sorry.”
And you try. God, you try so hard to repress the tiny, evil voice that pushes you to throw reason out the window. But it comes out anyway, and there’s no stopping what flows out of your mouth after, “Why,” you laugh, “Sorry because you wouldn't have chosen Hana's studio if you knew I was the one to take your photos? Or sorry because you had my brother acting like a train wreck just to keep this from me? Don’t worry I won’t be here next week.”
His face pinches, tongue rolling out to wet his lips, “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then don’t apologize to me—” you grit, fists clenched and heart thundering, “—as if you assumed that seeing you has put me in a position that hurt me. Because it really doesn’t. Not anymore, Taehyung. So if you have anything to apologize for—”
You cut yourself off because no, no he has nothing to apologize for. He doesn’t have to say sorry. One person deciding to walk out of a relationship doesn’t warrant an apology from them. An explanation, sure, but you don’t really need it from him. He made it clear enough all those years ago just before he slammed the door of your apartment shut that he just didn’t love you enough — not anymore then.
It’s been four years. It’s been four long years and you should be over him — and you are, you’re certain that you are. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt because it does, fuck, it still hurts so much and you don’t know why.
“—apologize to Jimin because I just know he feels like shit for lying to me because of you.”
You commit your second mistake that same day in the middle of shooting Taehyung’s individual photos. Soyeon had gone for a nature theme this time and so you find yourself in the middle of the forest with a near-naked Taehyung in tow and thank heavens it rains because one more glimpse through the viewfinder at his well-oiled torso and you might have combust and run away from the photoshoot, Hana’s reputation be damned.
Jimin seems to be attached to you now, becoming a human magnet not long after he had apologized so much he knelt, snuggling to your side every chance he gets that it’s suffocating you because he’s overcompensating but you don’t really have the heart to call him out. Not when he looks like a puppy whose tail got accidentally stepped on when you get around to even do so much as try.
So, you let him become your shadow for the time being, finally letting out a huge breath of relief when lunch time comes around and everybody takes a break and you slip past him to the very back of the dilapidated cabin you stumbled upon just before the last shoot ended, not too deep into the forest that faces the river.
Finally, you think, as you savor the peace, even though momentary. You’re glad to be away from the commotion and it makes you realize once more why you choose to be cooped up in an office. It’s because you really can’t handle this many people and it physically and emotionally drains you that you can’t think.
You pause when you reach into your pockets, the gritty warning from Hana and Jimin an alarm ricocheting in your mind how it’s an unhealthy habit and it’s going to fucking ruin you someday. But the short-lived guilt is replaced by justifications of how it’ll be a free-pass and your siblings can fuck off because they’re the reason you’re here in the first place.
Besides, burning through one stick won’t hurt them if they don't know.
So you let your fingers feel for the familiar leather case, pull the only stick inside and you’re so, so close to reaching your sweet release from this damned mental pressure when you realize you left your lighter at home. Letting out a curse, you clamp your mouth around the unlit cigarette, letting it hang and opting to indulge in its semi-sweet smell that goes so well with the rain.
“Want a light?”
You still, the cigarette falling from your lips at the sudden fright. Down, down, and down until it’s washed away by the rain. What a waste, you lament. Sighing, you turn and see Taehyung who’s sporting a sheepish smile, the same familiar white in between his own mouth, lit unlike yours, “I’d accept, but there’s really nothing that needs lighting anymore.”
He has a shirt on now, you notice, flimsy and buttoned up halfway. His hair is tousled messily, now free from the rigid form it previously had, and you give him your back when you feel the urge to fix the fraction of hair that has fallen forward. You hear him take a drag and you smell before you see the tendrils of gray smoke when he releases and god, the small whiff, even in the tiniest fume, has your shoulder relaxing.
“I’d offer one but I don’t have any spare with me,” you hear him say before you feel him move, “I’ll get the fallen one for you, if you want.”
You roll your eyes and wave him off before you see him lean against the other column, the change in position means that he’s now closer, closer than he’s ever been since the day you last saw him, years ago. And he’s close enough that the thin material of his shirt brushes against your hoodie when the wind moves. And you want to move too, only if it isn’t for the fact that one move and you’ll either fall into the river or be skewered by the worn down wood and you don’t really feel like dying today.
Ironic, how you went for a smoke break to relieve the stress of the day, only to have it doubled.
Now, this is where you make the second mistake.
Because you really don’t mean to stare at Taehyung. You don’t mean to let your stare at his mouth linger a second too long that he sees. It’s just unfortunate that the cigarette is in his mouth, and you stay fixated on the damn cigarette that you fail to see him catch your gaze and hold it.
It’s unfortunate that you don’t take a step back when he takes one step forward.
It’s unfortunate that you become pliant when his cold fingers softly grip your chin, coaxing your mouth to open and welcome the smoke that he blows from his own mouth, hot and intoxicating and tinged with the memories of all the nights past that he’s done this.
It’s unfortunate that you take a long drag when he places the soft end of the cigarette from his mouth to yours, unhesitating and eager.
“Feeling better?” He asks, gentle as he pulls the stick, planting it back to the hold of his mouth. You see a slight upward curve at the corners of it.
This is bad. Wrong and unacceptable and absolutely inappropriate, you know. But you can’t help but accept when he offers one more drag, an offer of release. This time you pluck it out from his fingers, feel the warmth of him around the smoke, and inhale.
It’s only when the embers die out that you feel it, the heavy feeling coming back tenfold as you realize the gravity of what you just did. Not for anyone else, but for you. The toll this will have on you when you go home and have all the time in the world to think about your stupidity. So before you get sucked into the void of self-destruction, you excuse yourself, not caring about the delicate drops of rain that fall but not before you turn back and shout your thanks.
“Okay, you shared a smoke, so what,” you mutter to yourself as you dry yourself off. You’re two people who share a history, a history that’s now dead and gone. A flame that was once bright but has now burned out, never to be rekindled again.
You enter the building with thoughts of rationalization that tries to justify what you’ve done as something harmless, clouding your mind enough that you don’t see Jimin barrel towards you with a smile on his face, only to be replaced with disgust when he breathes and chokes at the ghost of smoke that clings to your clothes.
He rummages through a nearby luggage and returns with a bottle of perfume, “If you want your head still attached to your shoulders by tonight, you’d know better and douse yourself in that shit because Hana’s here to take over and you only have two minutes to shove Listerine down your throat before she finds you.”
In the haste of trying to avert your sister’s wrath, you damn near shower the entire contents of the bottle, only to realize that night when you come home that despite the endless showers you take, you still smell like him. Because of all people, Jimin just had to take from Taehyung’s things and now you’re doused with him all over again.
It’s later that night that you’ll fall asleep to the smell of jasmine and vanilla despite years of trying so hard to rid your apartment of any scents.
Of any trace of Kim Taehyung.
The third and fourth mistake, you make five days later. A Friday that you’re miraculously off work early. Well, technically, you can get off whenever you want but as the faithful, loving, and overworking youngest child that you are, you’ve assimilated longer hours at your father’s company to productivity and so you’ve never really found reason to clock off early when you can do so much more if you stay a bit later than most.
Besides, the company won’t run by itself, so there’s that.
Now, though, you wonder why you thought like that because as you walk down the street, everything looks divine. The setting sun settles on the horizon, sandwiched between two skyscrapers, bleeding purple and orange and pink and it’s breathtaking. Painfully so. For the first time, you indulge yourself in the sounds of the busy city and for a change, it’s peaceful despite the loudness. You can’t remember the last time you took a stroll like this, having been so immersed in work. The last time you walked down the street the like had been years ago, with—
The breath you take is sharp and sudden that it has you bent over on the sidewalk, coughing and wheezing your lungs out that people start to look. You flash a smile, sending a quick thanks to your sister’s ex-lover for choosing to establish the studio within a five-minute walk from the company building, and nearly combusting on the spot when you pull their glass door that clearly says push right after you nearly heave your lungs out from climbing 10 sets of stairs because the elevator isn’t working, coincidentally.
“Hey,” you greet the people on the lounge before specifically turning to Younha — the one who had walked you through everything on the previous shoot, “Is Hana here? I have the initial photos ready if she wants to see. Played around and edited most of them.”
Younha looks sheepish as she raises her hand to her nape where she nervously scratches, “About that,” she grimaces, “Hana phoned earlier that she’s running a bit late tonight so she told me to look over the photos and pick the final ones with the client, but I don’t trust myself enough to do that just yet, so would it be okay if we go through it together?”
You assure her it’s okay. And really, it is, because you’ve finished work anyway and it’s a Saturday tomorrow. You can afford to be late an hour or so. You watch her plug the USB on one of the computers lined up against the wall, see her gasp when she pulls up the photos.
“Oh my god, these are beautiful. You’re telling me you shot each of these by yourself, edited them all on your own, all in less than a week,” Younha turns to you, eyes wide, “Can’t you come and work with us?”
You laugh, genuine and loud, “The raw files were already beautiful untouched. Just touched up some lighting here and there.”
“Yeah, and who took those raw shots, hm? Who coordinated every single thing that resulted in those shots looking like that? You, that’s who,” Younha seems to realize who she’s talking to and she blushes before muttering something else you can’t hear, “Also, about Hana—”
Uh-oh. This can’t be good.
“—so she told me earlier if I can pick out the final photos with the client, right? And since you’re here,” Younha trails off and you still there is no way, no way that you’re going to sit hours dissecting each photo with Soyeon, worse if it’s Taehyung. You have your pride and you’ll cling to that even if it’s the last thing you do in this world.
No way in hell. “Hana’s on her way here, right? I think she can make it.”
Younha nods, a low hum before she answers, “She can. In two hours. Maybe. Not sure. Our client, however—” She tilts her head to the right. Towards the direction of Hana’s office. “—is here.”
It’s a sigh of defeat you let out. Walking away from here means you admit you’re a coward, walking in Hana’s office will mean you’re weak. See, it’s always a lose-lose thing for you everytime a certain Kim is involved. The very, and only, Kim who seems to be haunting every part of your daily life the past five days. Or in this current case, a future Kim but a Kim nonetheless.
Younha smiles, the sly fox, when you place your bag back down on the table, “If I’m going to stay here for the night, might as well ask for coffee. Lots and lots of it.”
You only barely get the full sentence out but Younha is already on her heels with a mock salute.
You push the door to Hana’s office, making sure (twice) not to pull this time, and your eyes land on Kim Taehyung whose eyebrows rise in surprise upon seeing you. If he thinks you’re meaning to keep on meeting him like this, well, he’s wrong. The universe likes to spring surprises down your path of life and it just so happens that for now, Kim Taehyung might be its play thing — to torment you with, most probably.
He sits on the couch that rests against the white wall, beside the windows that occupy the whole one side of the room that overlooks the city. Hana’s office is more like her office and a miniature studio, exclusive for her and whoever she decides to let in here, separate from the lounge and the main studio. It’s an industrial loft, made modern and more suited to her taste and it’s just so goddamn bright in here, you realize.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” you mutter as the door clicks shut behind you.
You head straight to Hana’s computer, turning it on and plugging the USB before you plop down on the office chair. “I had the photos with me and I dropped by to leave it for Hana but she apparently has things to attend to for the next two hours and you’re here already so, yeah.”
Taehyung only nods, silent and awkward when he stands.
You sigh, “Grab a chair and come here, I guess. We have, like, a thousand photos to sift through. See if you’d like any changes done to them. The earlier we finish, the better.”
Three hours pass after that and you’re left with no Hana in sight, 325 file numbers listed down, a faint headache and tired eyes, a hungry stomach, and three accidental brushes of Taehyung’s hair on your cheek because what before is a ruler-long distance between the two of you has been reduced to mere centimeters, and Jesus Christ, you don’t know who moved between the two of you that it has come to such. You’re firm to say it isn’t you because your ass remains frozen, stiff as a board everytime Taehyung does so much as inhale.
“Can you—” Taehyung clears his throat, pointing to the keyboard, “—move to the next one, please.”
You mutter an apology, pressing the right arrow and you see the photo move. Frankly, you aren’t paying attention. Not to anything, least of all the photos. It’ll be like knocking consciously on Hell’s door if you do pay attention.
Because you can take being around Taehyung, you can easily detach yourself from reality when you are — and not feel anything, to look at him alone and think of him as an ex-friend, an ex-lover without the rest of the titles attached. But to look at the photos, the pictures you took, there’s no detaching from that reality. The reality that the man you had feelings for — might still have feelings for, but you push that thought back — is getting married, of all things.
And you list this off as feeling weird, an ex marrying a cousin. You aren’t jealous, god, no. It’s just that — weird. Well, you think.
“Okay, I can’t take this anymore,” Taehyung breathes and you still, unmoving as the statue on the corner of the room, “I’m going to order Chinese. I’m not going to last the rest of these photos if I don’t eat. Anything you want?”
He might as well have slammed the mouse he’s holding with the way he casually lets it fall off from his hand to the table, leaning back on his chair and oh god, his head is leaning on the back of your chair. One move of your shoulder and the back of it will touch the side of his head. He has his phone over his head, elbows hanging in the air as he opens his phone with a click. He hums as he scrolls and this is so, so painfully domestic that you struggle to breathe.
It’s been push and pull the whole night. He asks, you answer, and never the other way.
Fifteen minutes that you’re plunged in deafening silence and you punch the air in your mind when Younha knocks, take-away bags at hand and a smile on her face.
Taehyung hands you your food, places the utensils in neat order, pokes the straw through your bubble tea and gently places it in front of you and you stare. You stare because never in your life did you ever think you and Taehyung would ever be in this situation. Toeing around each other, walking on eggshells.
There had been a time that silence wasn’t an option — it’s either you filled the quiet or he did; mouths off about Pokemon and stickers and dogs he met on a certain day, or silence filled with wordless communication through flesh and skin and heavy breaths.
Never this — a fragile silence that no words could ever fill. But of course, Taehyung knows how to break that. Break you when he speaks, “I think we’ll have this one framed for the reception.”
You blink at the photo on the monitor, big and taunting. In it, Taehyung smiles, a wide rectangle stretch of his mouth as his chin rests on top of Soyeon’s head, the latter leaning her weight on Taehyung. It’s evident, palpable even, the happiness that’s shared between them. A running joke between the two of them captured on a permanent photograph only they can understand.
“Yeah,” you nod, a smile, or an attempt at it, stretching your lips, “it’s beautiful. Definitely worthy for the reception. You can hang it in your home after.”
It’s an instinct – you’d like to believe so – when you feel Taehyung move beside you and you mindlessly mirror him, freezing the moment you take in the miniscule space that’s left as you both huddle to look at the monitor. A good couple inches you can count on one hand. And you refuse to move away because no, this is not at all affecting you. And it’s Taehyung, you justify, who’s currently invading your space.
The third mistake is when you try to steal a glance at the corner of your eye because you think he’s engrossed with the picture.
But then you see that he isn’t. Not when his stare locks with yours the moment your eyes move. Had been on you all this time.
The fourth is when he moves and you don’t.
Not when his thumb brushes the corner of your mouth to wipe whatever it is he sees there.
Not when he flashes you a smile – something so fond and warm and tender that renders you mute.
Not when he succumbs to sleep an hour later, head lolling on your shoulder.
But the entire world moves when he stirs and the overhead lights hit something golden. It crumbles and caves beneath your feet when a locket falls out of the top of his loosely buttoned shirt. An identical locket to the one that now sits heavy on your chest – once heavy with the broken promises, but now empty of the love that first came with it.
You see his forehead wrinkle as he slowly wakes and you feel the start of the burn that first settles on your chest before it moves and starts from the corners of your eyes. You train your eyes on the monitor, fingers clicking away on the mouse and the keyboard faster than ever.
“I’m sorry,” you hear him say. His head stays on your shoulder as he speaks. “What time is it?”
“Quarter before ten—”
“I missed you,” he breathes and you hear him let out a soft laugh before he whispers, “I always miss you.”
It feels as if all the air in your lungs has been knocked out and you turn to speak when you see that he’s fallen back asleep. And god, you wanted to shout at him, let out the years of pent up frustration and grudge you’ve had all these past years and ask all the unanswered whys and hows. But looking at him now, after so, so long, you realize you do too.
A tear drops and a multitude of realizations follow.
You missed him. You missed him. You miss him.
And fuck, you’re still in love with him, you realize. So much and enough to make you not think of the consequences of the realization that you do.
Not when his fiancée finally comes and places a chaste kiss on his lips.
Not when a wedding invitation lands itself on the desk towards you.
And especially not when the ghost of him lingers when they’re gone and you find yourself praying for it to stay just a little bit longer.
You did not plan for your Friday night to be like this at all.
The initial – and final – plan was this: show up to the club your sister wanted you to show up to, make it look like you’re genuinely happy to be there, flee the moment midnight hits when your sister and her friends are too drunk to realize you aren’t there anymore, and sleep away in the solace your tranquil and quiet apartment offers.
The night and plan had been going well, much to your delight.
Just until the fleeing part, that is. Because the moment you press the unlock button to your car half past one in the morning, you see a very drunk Kim Taehyung eagle spread on the hood of your car, with only a rumpled halfway-buttoned shirt that’s tucked into his pants, one of his shoes already on the roof of the Mercedes.
And so instead of proceeding to the sleeping part of your plan, here you are now, struggling under the weight of Taehyung as you try to push in all his limbs in the passenger seat because he refuses to go away. Why, of all people, must you be the one to find him like this? Other people would’ve paid no mind leaving him on the pavement but of course, the universe had to make sure it just had to be you because old, cruel fate had it out for you and your demise.
Two weeks spent in isolation from the rest of the world in an attempt to justify and get over the realization you had of still being in love with an ex and the world just dumps him in the hood of your car of all cars.
“Kim Taehyung, I am not above violence, I will fucking knock you out if I have to if you step your foot out and kick me once more, for the love of god,” you heave, “Are you with Jimin?”
At this, he grins and nods, eyes half-closed, “Jimin went home. I think. Or wait, maybe he’s passed out in Yoongi’s tub. I think. I don’t know, do you think he’s still here? Wait, do you know Jimin? How do you know Jimin?”
You sigh, “Give me your phone. I’ll get Soyeon to pick your ass up.”
Taehyung lets out a loud gasp, proceeds to choke on air before he looks up at you, “How do you know my girlfriend?”
You pause for a second before rolling your eyes, “Phone.”
“It’s in my left pocket, can you get it for me? I’m so tired,” he whines, wincing as his head lands on the head rest. You reach over to pull his phone out, only to retrieve a pack of cigarettes but no phone. You freeze when his hand grips your wrist that’s still in his pocket, feeling your heartbeat in your ears when he leans forward, so close that you feel his breath on your cheek, “Butt pocket, sorry.”
You take a deep breath as he continues to look at you with a grin. You move closer, angling your head away because you would be fucking cheek-to-cheek if you don’t and you pause just before you touch his back pocket, “No, you know what, you can get it yourself. Either that or I leave you out here on the streets.”
Taehyung pouts but he moves his arm behind him nonetheless, proceeds to feel his other pocket when he finds the first one empty.
“My phone’s gone,” he huffs, “Oh! It’s in Minnie’s car!”
You let out a loud groan, rounding the car to open the driver’s side to look for your bag so you could use your phone and you let out another sound of frustration, louder this time, when you remember the picture of a beige bag being left underneath your couch’s pillow. You look over at Taehyung, a war in your head as to what to do with him, before you finally settle on the choice that you never, ever think you would’ve made.
“Fine,” you grit as you turn the engine on, “I’m going to drop you off your house but I’m not gonna be held accountable for the reasons you’re going to have to explain to your girlfriend if she greets your drunk ass as to why the fuck her cousin’s dropping her fiance off, alright? Now, are you still staying in the same apartment ‘cause I’m going to drop you–”
Taehyung snores, body folding in on himself as he slightly shivers. You sigh, dropping your forehead on the steering wheel, enough to hurt and make the horn whine, “This is fucking unbelievable. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
“Hey, Taehyung,” you shake him, poking his shoulders the way you know he hates, “Wake up and tell me your address, asshole. I’m not driving to the other side of the city only to find out you changed address. Hey.”
He makes the tiniest wave of his arm before he goes back to sleep.
You glance at the clock that says it’s now nearing three in the morning and you run your hands over your face because fuck this.
Now, you head to your apartment with the plan of just dumping Taehyung in the foyer and letting him sleep there until he has his mind back in the morning – you figure he’d probably run off the minute he wakes up.
“Hey, wake up.” You nudge him when you arrive and you sigh once more as he merely stirs, opening his side of the door before attempting to move out of the car only to heave when the seatbelt he still has on pulls him back.
With a grimace, you round to his side and lug one of his arms around your shoulders and basically carry all of his weight towards the elevator. You give a tight smile to the staff at the reception as you pass by, dismissing the offer of help. You nearly drop to your knees as soon as the elevator doors close, exhaustion flooding you all of a sudden.
As soon as the door opens to the penthouse, you remove your hold on Taehyung and he slumps against the wall. You let out a breath before pushing him to one of the guest rooms where he immediately plops down on the bed after knocking his shoes off. A small smile plants itself on your face and you reach over to pull the covers over him.
Kneeling down on the floor beside the bed, you brush off the loose hairs that cover his face and you whisper, “You’re making it so hard for me.”
Deciding that you’ve helped him enough, you head to your room to change and shower – a long bout of internal battle against yourself as you try to wash off all that happened.
It is an hour later when you’re already in your bed, tossing and turning that you find yourself a long way from sleep, and so you push the covers off of you to head towards the kitchen to find something to drink. The sun is starting to rise, you see, as you stare at the large windows, uneasy at the thought that Taehyung is there. Here.
And you know you shouldn’t care anymore. You’ve done enough and beyond to help him, you remind yourself. But that doesn’t matter, really, because here you are, pushing the guest room open to check on him, a bottle of water in hand. He remains as he was the second he got here and you sigh as you pull one of Jungkook’s shirt and sweatpants from the cabinet, a spare he leaves in the case he unintentionally sleeps over, and you walk towards Taehyung before slowly shaking him awake.
“Hey,” you speak softly as his eyes crack open, mind still swimming in alcohol, “you should change into this. Your clothes must be uncomfortable to sleep in. Here’s some water too.”
His eyes open a little bit wider, voice hoarse when he speaks, “(Y/N)?”
You swallow, “Yeah, it’s me.”
“I can’t remember most of tonight, how did I—”
You smile, “And you probably won’t remember all of this when you sleep once more. Just change and drink this, Taehyung.”
A part of why you’re doing all the things you’re doing is the fact that you know he will forget this.
He sits up, swaying as he does so, twisting the water open. You greet him good night, and just as you turn to head back to sleep, his hand dart out to grip your wrist – as tight as the grip that has your heart beating so loud in your chest as he does, “I’m sorry.”
Without turning around, you answer, “You don’t have to be. I would’ve done the same for anyone else.”
“No, you wouldn’t have.”
Pressing your tongue against your cheek, you rip your arm away from his hold, now turning around to face him. He slowly stands, eyes trained on you. You open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it, “I’m not saying sorry just because of tonight,” he speaks quietly, “This is an apology that’s long overdue. An apology I never had the courage to give you. An apology that I owe you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being the coward that walked away without an explanation. For not being the person I promised you I would be.”
“I told you,” you say through gritted teeth, “You don’t owe me an apology, Taehyung. It’s over and done with. Apologizing to me would mean that there’s still loose ends between us, and I’m telling you that there’s none. You may have burnt those ends the moment you walked away and I have burned mine in the years that followed. You don’t owe me anything.”
He’s closer now, so close that you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol and his perfume. “Then why are you still wearing this?”
You feel all the walls come down, then, when his fingers trace the golden chain of the locket. The once emblem of young and promised love, of an oath, of Kim Taehyung. The necklace that never was once removed from you since then.
You chuckle, bitter and harsh, “You’re still wearing it too, Kim.”
You flinch as you feel the pad of his thumb wipe away at the trail of tears that has somehow escaped, “Leaving you was the only choice I had then. It killed me to walk right out of that fucking door but it was the only choice. For you, for me, for us. Even if it meant me becoming the asshole, it was the only choice.”
“Don’t feed me that bullshit, you left me. And in my vocabulary and everyone else’s, leaving the person you claim to love without a single explanation is a shit move,” you nearly damn snarled, “I could’ve accepted you telling me you didn’t love me anymore but you fucking walked out without a single word. Well, I guess it worked out great for you, huh? You’re getting married now.”
“I did l—”
“Don’t fucking dare say it,” you sob, feeling all the energy draining out of you in a second, “You’re four years too late, Taehyung.”
The chains that hold all the hurt and grievance of the past four years had been unlocked and with the thought of Taehyung not being able to remember this tomorrow, you let it all out.
“I lied,” you whisper, lips and chest shaking as you breathe, “It hurts me seeing you now. So fucking much. Because you never wanted to get married. I remember when we were together you said that we could live without the titles, the labels, and the technicalities of it all, because you’d love me the same. So yes, it hurts. I can’t deny that it does when the things you didn’t want with me, things I wanted to have with you, you learned to want with someone else. Shit like this hurts because even if I was okay without all the titles, I thought then that spending a lifetime with you wouldn’t be so bad. But you made it seem like you never wanted marriage, not with anyone ever and so I accepted it, content even with just being with you.”
“But then you show up like this,” you say so quietly you don’t know if he can hear it, “You can’t expect it not to hurt, Tae, because it does. So, so much.”
“I’m sorry,” Taehyung lightly rests his forehead on yours, “I’m so sorry.”
“Answer me this one question,” you look up at him, “Please.”
You feel him nod, “Anything.”
You feel it again, the suffocating claws that grips around your chest, the pain of unanswered questions and doubts, “Was my love not enough for you?”
You feel it before you hear it, when he nods against your head, hands coming up to hold your cheeks, “No, no, god, no. It was more than enough. It was so much more than enough that you became someone who didn’t deserve someone who couldn’t reciprocate the amount of love you were giving me. I’m sorry.”
“I miss you, Tae.” You whisper, and you can barely see him through the tears, “And it’s so, so wrong and I shouldn’t be doing this but fuck, I do. Four years and I still miss you and now you’re here, back in my life, and yet you’re still the farthest you’ve ever been from me.”
Maybe it’s the realization that he is – so far away from you and will never be close enough anymore – that you think maybe this is the long-awaited end. The closure you’ve once longed for but never had. Maybe there really was no reason for him leaving you beyond the fact that he didn’t love you anymore – and maybe that was enough reason. You just didn’t want to accept that fact. Maybe it’s time that you do.
After Taehyung, you’ve become someone who believed that love is something that’s easy to let go, when in fact, all this time, it is the love you had for Taehyung you’ve never let go of. And maybe, it was never love for the people that came after him and so it became easy for you once it’s over, once it ended. Because what has started that really counted has never reached its end, for you anyway. Because it will never be the same.
Because they weren’t Kim Taehyung.
“Don’t cry for me. I don’t deserve it,” he smiles a small smile as he wipes a tear away.
“Then stop making me cry, asshole,” you softly retort, hands coming up to wrap around his own to pull them away from your face. You can’t think straight when he has his hands on you, “I’m not asking for you to love me again, not anymore. Maybe we could be friends?”
It’s a weak attempt at humor, you know. And you really don’t think you can be just friends with Taehyung. But you’re weak for Kim Taehyung and you’re still so fucking in love him that you’d settle for whatever there can be between the two of you. He doesn’t need to know the specifics.
“Can we, really?” He laughs softly, a sad smile appearing, “I’m about to do something very stupid, for the very last time, so please, stop me if you don’t want to because I don’t think I can stop myself.”
He leans forward as the inches between you decrease down to a zero, his lips pressing against your cheek, your forehead, your eyelid, and to the corner of your mouth before he pulls away. “No, you had something to drink too, I’m drunk, you’re drunk. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, ” Taehyung breathes against your cheek, eyes shut tight.
“I’m not.”
Whether that’s an answer that refutes your state of intoxication or a statement that debunks Taehyung’s apology, you don’t know. Because the next moment finds you pulling him forward, arms snaking around his shoulders as you kiss him. Soft and unhurried and sad – a declaration of what had remained unsaid for the past years.
The last time, you swear, and from tomorrow then on, you’re going to be friends. This night will be void – forgotten and discarded. Taehyung is going to continue with his life and you with yours.
It’s so easy to become so lost in Taehyung that you forget the rest of the world.
That you don’t hear the sound of the door opening.
Or the second set of drunk footsteps that follows the first one.
“What in the fuck is going on here?”
#bts#bts fiction#kimtaehyung#kim taehyung#taehyung fanfiction#taehyung fanfic#taehyung smut#kth fanfic#kim taehyung angst#angst#bts angst#taehyung angst au#taehyung fic#bts x reader#taehyung x reader#taehyung#taehyung imagines#bts taehyung#taehyung angst#bts v#kingminie#until forever falls apart
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(re)starting over again | kth; 13
plot | Your four-year relationship with Taehyung was going well and strong. Until he was involved in a car accident, resulting to him losing some memories. By some, it means everything that happened five years ago. Things he remember? His friends, his bakeshop, and his ex girlfriend from the past. With that, you tried to keep up, restarting over again.
words | 3.8K+
genres | fluff, angst, amnesia au
pairing | taehyung x reader
note | it's been so long! let me know what u think of this one. enjoy!
main masterlist | series masterlist
Maybe it was a sign.
After two years of focusing on other aspects of your life, you finally opened yourself up for getting into the dating game. But, nothing has been fruitful in these last three dates you have gone to. Or Martha is just a bad matchmaker.
Well, it’s not her fault your date cannot come tonight. Your date, Jung Hoseok, was not able to show up tonight. You had to wait for almost thirty minutes in that chair, with your ex-boyfriend in front of you with his own date, before Hoseok called to say that he was needed in the hospital all of a sudden.
“Hey, YN?” You can sense how gentle his tone is when you answer the call.
“Uh, hey.” you chuckled awkwardly, easing off the twist you could feel in your stomach. “Where are you?”
Then, you heard a small sigh from the other line followed by a sentence, “I’m on my way back to the hospital. I’m sorry.”
“Oh…”
Your heart dropped. You felt your shoulder deflating with that sad, pathetic sound you hear from a balloon when air slowly empties. Not knowing what to say, you waited for him to say something.
“I’m really, really sorry, YN. I am so excited to meet you but I got a call from the hospital and there was this big road accident. They needed me back there. I’m so sorry.” he explained.
Pursing your lips, you looked down your lap, “It’s fine, I understand.”
No second thoughts, you just replied that. You used to work in the same field as him. Of course, you know how hectic and stressful working in the hospital can be, particularly in the emergency department, where Martha said he works.
“I’m really sorry. I promise to make it up to you. Thank you so much, YN. I appreciate it so much.”
“No problem.” you hung up. You took one last sip in the cold glass of water.
Don’t look at him. Don’t look at–
Stubborn, your eyes rolled to your side, where you can see him without really moving your head. A boxy smile is formed on Taehyung’s lips while he chat with the woman in front of him. You can only see the lady’s back but you can tell that the two are having a great time with each other’s company.
Well, at least one is having a great date.
When you became conscious of your nose flaring, you looked away and decided to go. The host instantly met your eyes, where you see the last thing you want to see from someone: an apologetic smile. You returned it with a forced smile.
“He had an emergency,” you told him with an awkward chuckle even though he didn’t say anything.
He nods as he helps you with your coat, “That’s a shame.”
“I know. My best friend even picked this pretty dress for this date.” you quipped in an attempt to lighten up the conversation. The host laughed at that. You turned to him as you fixed your beige-colored coat, “Anyway, I’ll go back here next time with him.”
You walk out of Starry Night and almost instantly, your smile fades away from your lips. You hoped Taehyung didn’t notice you leaving. Maybe he didn’t, he is on a date. Of course, he won’t pay attention to someone who left him and never showed up again after saying that she would come back to their house to talk—
Stop.
Those rambling thoughts almost suffocated you within seconds as you got lost in it, making you shake your head. Your jaw tightened before you reached for your phone. I should just go home. You click on the app to look for your ride. And within a few seconds, you spotted someone just right around your location.
“This one’s just a few minutes away–”
“YN?”
You froze, index finger a few millimeters close to touching your phone screen as you were about to book for a ride. He didn’t have to repeat your name again just so you could tell who said it. Before saying anything, you turned around. Your eyes widened while your shoulders raised, acting surprised. It was probably a lame try.
“H-Hey!” you greeted him, tone a bit higher than normal.
“I thought you were already gone.” he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “Long time no see! How are you? Why are you outside?”
“Oh, uhm, I’m fine. I’m actually going home. How about you?”
“I’m about to go too. I just came here from Seoul to meet someone,” he replied. “I actually drove coming here.”
Your eyebrows raised in real surprise, “Oh, you’re driving again?”
“Yeah, it became handy since the bakery now does ‘For Delivery’ orders. I do the delivery job most of the time.”
You nodded in delight, “That’s really great. It’s nice to hear the bakery is growing more successful.”
You smiled, hoping that he felt your sincerity, and Taehyung replied with a small thank you. His hands were in his pants’ pockets while you rubbed your hands together, both looking around. For a few seconds, you two waited for someone to say something. But no one did. This invincible, empty space between you two grew bigger in a short silence. You can only hear the jazz music from the restaurant inside and the crickets which are somewhere outside tonight.
You took that time to scan your eyes from his shoes to every feature of him you always notice. He seemed taller, maybe because of the shoes. His shoulders did look a bit broader, making you wonder if he began going to the gym again. His cheeks still seem soft but slimmer than the last time you saw him. You hope he’s been eating well, and taking care of himself. His hair did not change much. He still keeps the same length. Not too short, not too long. And when your eyes travel back to his eyes, your heartbeat stops when you realize he is looking directly back at you. In a snap, you turned your eyes away.
“So… you said you are going home?” he recalled, breaking the smothering silence.
You nodded, “Yeah, I’m just waiting for my ride.”
Liar. You haven’t even booked a ride yet. Well, you were just about to if he didn’t suddenly show up.
“Or I could just drive you home?” he offered, making you look at him.
“You’re driving back to Seoul, right?”
“Yeah, why?” he asked, nonchalantly.
“It will take you longer to drive back home. It can take an hour,” you told him as you know how far these two cities are from each other.
But he shrugged it off, “It’s fine, I don’t mind.”
For someone who just ran in with an ex unexpectedly, he seems to be handling this better than you.
Because it was just strange for you. Happy? Sad? Scared? Neither of those. Admittedly, you were surprised when you saw him inside. But now, talking to him, you just don’t know what to feel. You were never prepared for what to do when you see him again. For hell’s sake, you stopped planning this last two years. You just let things happen and never expected life would send Taehyung to Incheon while waiting for your date– Wait, date!
“But how about your date? Are you not going to drive her home?” you asked, recalling the woman he was chatting with earlier.
Why is he even here? He should be with her right now. Did he forget about her?
Expecting a different reaction, you were confused when he narrowed his eyes as he said, “Date? What date?”
Your brows furrowed, “Weren’t you just on a date with someone inside?”
“Hmm...” a tight smile formed on his lips, making you assume that you were right about him forgetting his date. But he continued, “Do you mean Ashley? She’s a client who wants to have my cakes on her restaurant’s menu.”
“Oh.”
It was like a bucket of cold water splashed over you. If you can just facepalm yourself right now without looking stupid, you would. Instead, you looked down and grimaced at your dumb assumption, remembering how you spent your free time while waiting earlier wondering and eyeing him and his date.
On the other hand, Taehyung has to bite his cheek to stop himself from smiling at your flustered reaction. He felt like what happened broke the tension that had been lingering between you and him. His heart has not stopped beating like crazy ever since he talked to you five minutes ago. His hands, that are still in his pockets, were trembling that you might notice it so he kept them there. He really didn’t think this through when he approached you.
It took you a few more seconds to look at him again. This time, with a look he recognized from one of the photos he saw in the photo album before. It was an apologetic, guilty expression that he finds adorable.
“I’m sorry. I thought that you were on a date.”
He shook his head side by side, “I don’t– I’m not.”
He had to stop himself from saying he doesn’t date or did not date anyone ever since you two went separate ways. It may sound like he has been miserable this past couple of years– he’s not. He just doesn’t feel like putting himself out there again. Especially when he feels like he has some unfinished things from his past relationship. But he was relieved to see you here. He can tell you’re doing great.
The color, the brand, the familiar fruity scent of air freshener.
These were the first things you noticed as soon as you got in his car. You almost felt comfortable in the passenger seat since everything was almost the same as his old car when you two were still together. Even after the whole accident, he ended up choosing the same things he chose before he forgot those five years of his life.
“So… when did you start driving again?” you asked to fill the empty silence while he drove, following the address you typed in his GPS.
“Just a year ago. Jimin was worried at first but eventually became supportive,” he replied, smiling at you when he mentioned his best friend.
“It’s funny, you have almost the same car you have years ago.”
You don’t know why, but you felt like saying that. It was totally in contrast to how quiet you were about your relationship with the people you met here. You avoided talking about your past relationship with Taehyung, specifically the accident and its aftermath, ever since you moved to Incheon. The friends you made here barely know about him. They know that you were in a long-term relationship years ago but they are not aware of the accident and why you two broke up.
“Huh, really?” Taehyung kept his eyes on the road but you could tell he was interested to hear more about it.
“Yeah, it has the same color and brand. I can even tell you the air freshener you used because you like the same ones from that Japanese brand.” you quipped, chuckling.
“Okay, what is it?” he challenged you.
You didn’t even waste a second to answer, “Air Spencer, the Squash one. But it smells like citrus. You like it because it’s strangely boosting your mood and you don’t know why.”
Taehyung laughed at that, agreeing, “And until now, I don’t know why! But I just bought it when I saw it while shopping months ago.”
“You were curious about its packaging?” you guessed.
“Yep.” Taehyung smiled. “And I think it was the best purchase I made for this car.”
You laughed at that before recalling a similar sentence from the back of your head.
“See– I mean, smell! Don’t it smell good?”
Taehyung opened the door to his car’s passenger seat after waiting for you to finish your graveyard shift for almost an hour. When you were on your short break, you two exchanged texts and he brought up this topic: after almost a year of looking for a good air freshener. He bragged about this air freshener until your break ended since he was so sure that you would love it too, knowing that you get dizzy if he used those strong scents.
You cannot help but laugh with his childish enthusiasm, “Okay, okay! Let me take it in for a minute.”
You smiled and he watched you calmly inhaling the fresh citrus scent. Then, you slowly opened your eyes. For a thrill, you kept a plain expression on your face.
“And? What do we think?” he asked.
You raised your hand with a thumbs-up, grinning. “This one’s great! Keep it.”
“I knew it! Okay, this is officially my best purchase of the year.” he quipped before turning the key to start the car.
You softly smiled at the memory. It felt easy remembering it now and the same as talking to Taehyung about the past now. Strange. You remembered how many times you stopped yourself from talking too much about it before when Taehyung got back from the hospital.
“Can I ask something?” Taehyung said as he stopped for a red light in an empty intersection. He took the time to glance at you.
“Yeah, sure.” you shifted on your seat, feeling more comfortable now.
“What you were doing in the restaurant alone?”
You looked away as you replied, “I… I was supposed to meet up with someone.”
“A date?”
The traffic light turned green and he kept his eyes on the road when he asked that. Even though Taehyung denies it, he felt something in his gut while waiting for you to answer. There is just something in him heightening that just wants to hear a confirmation that yes, you are dating someone.
“Yup.”
His stomach dropped as he held the steering wheel firmer.
You continued, “But he had a work emergency. So, he had to skip tonight.”
“Oh, what’s his job?
If your boyfriend prioritizes his job over you, then–
“He’s a doctor, working in the emergency department. So, I understand when he called and explained earlier.” you cut off any thought he had.
A nurse and a doctor. That seems to fit perfectly for each other.
“How long have you two been dating?”
“Oh, no. We’re not dating dating. Tonight was supposedly our first date. My friend from work set us up for a blind date. They have been trying so hard to get me into a relationship for months now after I agreed earlier this year. But so far, nothing great has been happening.” you joked as you looked outside the window.
Do you know how comfortable you must be to talk to an ex about your current status in dating?
But this is easy.
Talking with him. Maybe because you two haven’t seen each other for a couple of years. You feel okay telling him everything. Or maybe because it was just with him. It was like you were talking with the guy you met years ago. But whatever the reason is, you prefer this whole conversation to the ones you two had after the accident.
“Well, I haven’t been in the dating scene for a long time. I am just focusing on the bakery. I already lost count of customers who want to set me up with their daughters and granddaughters.”
Taehyung brought up his own dating status after you opened up yours. You were being honest, he can feel it. And it would be unfair if he didn’t reciprocate the same thing. The fear he had to look miserable when admitting he didn’t date anyone after you faded when you opened up about your own status– without looking miserable at all. Just honest.
“Really? Why did you never get into one?” you asked.
And even though Taehyung can think of a good reason in the back of his head, he only replies with the same reply he said to everyone who asked him before.
“Eh, I don’t feel like it.”
“There. That’s my building.”
You pointed your index finger to your apartment building after Taehyung took a left turn. He looks at the white, five-floored building, sticking out like a sore thumb as it stands between high towers of buildings. He slowed down and stopped in front of the said building. He waited for you to remove the seatbelt before calling your name. You look at him.
“Hey… uhm, The shop might have a small celebration in Seoul after the whole contract signing thing and I was hoping that maybe you can come? I’m sure Jimin would invite you too if he was the one who met with Ashley tonight. You can also bring some friends from here if you want to.” he suggested, trying to maintain his composure as he spoke.
It took you a few seconds to respond. You looked at him then looked away for a few moments. Then, looked back at him again. It lasted for only less than a minute. But Taehyung felt like it was the longest one minute of his life until you nodded.
“That sounds nice. I’ll think about it…” you replied, not really wanting to commit to a final answer tonight. “But thank you so much for driving me home.”
“No problem. You're welcome.”
You got out of the car with your purse in your hand. The cool breeze blew your hair and you had to tuck it at the back of your ear as you took one last peek down to the open window. You have this small smile on your lips that just brought warmth to his chest.
“I didn’t change my number. Did you?” you asked.
He shook his head for an answer.
“Then, I’ll reach out if I can celebrate with you guys. Okay?”
The last time you told him something about reaching out, you ended up typing and erasing letters in your phone a thousand times. But now that you two met each other incidentally, maybe you will find it easier to send him a text.
“Okay. It was nice seeing you again, YN.”
A faint smile formed on his lips, revealing those familiar smile lines you used to trace years ago. You reciprocated it.
“Yeah, you too. Drive safely back to Seoul.”
Turning your back, you walked to your building. You thought about how tonight was unexpected. Running to an ex you never saw for the last two years and how amicable everything between you two is, considering how you went on separate ways. Before opening the door, you turned around. Surprised to see him still there, you chuckled and gave him a small wave.
He waved back. And when he sees you getting into your building, Taehyung begins to drive away. The same smile stays on his face unconsciously. He hummed along to the pop song from the radio. Just when he was driving along the long highway back to Seoul, his phone rang. He accepted the call after seeing who it was.
“Hey, I’m on my way back,” Taehyung stated.
“Oh, okay. How was tonight?” Jimin inquired, still unaware of unforeseen events that happened.
With his head on the clouds with whom he just spent the last thirty minutes, Taehyung replied, “It was… unanticipated.”
“Huh?”
Confused, that was the only thing his best friend managed to say. That’s when Taehyung snapped out to reality.
“Oh, I’ll tell you about it tomorrow. But it went great.”
“Taehyung told me everything.”
Almost two weeks after you broke things off with Taehyung and moved into your new apartment, you found an unexpected guest on your doorstep. Jimin holds a familiar box of their own bakeshop cake as he offers a sympathetic smile on his face.
“Then, Jisoo told me where you moved,” he explained further before you pushed your door wider to let him in.
You still haven’t changed from your work clothes since you only got home like ten minutes ago from your new job. You see him looking around your place and you are glad your home isn’t as messy as it was days ago. Then, he turns to you.
“I brought you this carrot cake as a gift. I know you love Taehyung’s cheesecake but we ran out of those today.” he quipped, handing you the box.
“I like your carrot cake too. Don’t worry. Thank you, Jimin.” you smiled but it slowly faded, “I’m sorry if it was too sudden.”
Your voice sounded small as you apologized. Knowing Jimin for years now, he became one of your closest friends too through Taehyung. You knew he was probably surprised too when he learned about what happened between you and his best friend. You thought that maybe he was mad too.
But instead, Jimin sighed and opened his arms for you. You sighed too before hugging him. It felt warm and comforting.
“You don’t need to say sorry. You don’t owe anyone anything,” he said. “I came by to check how are you. You’re my friend too, you know?”
And before you could answer, he spoke again, “Actually, how about we talk about this over food?”
That’s how you two ended up having a one-on-one conversation in a McDonald’s parking lot for hours. You opened up about your feelings and thoughts the last few days before Jisoo’s wedding and how you reacted after learning about Taehyung meeting Lily. Thirty-four minutes past eight in the evening, you ended up telling your side. Empty ketchup packets lay on the hood of Jimin’s car next to crumpled burger wrapping papers. You and Jimin leaned on the car.
“I just felt like we need to be apart. I’m burning out, I needed to get away. We needed to be on our own.” you exhaled.
“But what if his memories come back?”
There was never a time you thought about that question every time you felt down since the accident. It made you stay before. But you later figured out that hope is tiring you out and you cannot give anything from you anymore.
“I cannot hold on to a what-if, Jimin,” you replied. “I thought I could. But he’s in another timeline and I don’t exist in that part of his life. As much as I want to stay with him, I know that he’s still thinking of something else from his past.”
Reality hurts, and sometimes honesty too. You just sighed with how melancholy that realization made you days before deciding to leave Seoul.
“I know, I’m sorry. I just…” you looked at Jimin when he had to pause and take a deep breath to speak again. “I really hate how that accident changed everything for you guys.”
You took a sip from your Sprite, looking at a distance, “I know.”
Me too.
taglist rules
RESTARTING OVER AGAIN TAGLIST [🔧🔨 ]
@iamkookiesforyou @aianloveseven @hoodalmighty @taebangtanbabe @nooojaaam @hiimnothing @hiqhkey @kthsmoon @annenakamura @taebangtanbabe @shin-ie @prlan @starlight-night0 @teddybeartaetae @http-fayeradise @tannies-luv @betysotelo18 @honsoolgloss @aurorathi @paulaaa97 @satisfied18 @telepathytae @talkyoongitome @my-current-mood-is @sofilsword
PERMANENT TAGLIST
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#bts angst#bts x reader#bts series#taehyung angst#taehyung fluff#taehyung x reader#taehyung au#taehyung series#bts amnesia#taehyung amnesia#bts established relationship au#taehyung established relationship#restarting over again kth
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Crazy for You | kth (teaser)
☆summary: you’ve known Kim Taehyung your whole life. When you meet again at a party hosted by your best friend, alcohol looses your lips and you spill your secrets to your childhood crush. Will Taehyung give in to your desire, or will you be struck by remorse?
☆pairing: Kim Taehyung x female reader
☆rating: 18+
☆genre: best friend’s older brother to lovers, a little bit of fake dating trope, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff, snippets of life
☆warnings: alcohol consumption, getting ghosted before the story takes place, lying/hiding the truth to a best friend for months, unclear relationship (and what comes with it aka reader feels cheated on (rightfully so?)), sort of miscommunication? but not really, cursing, mention of a grandparent passing away, a very awkward dinner with all the members and their own readers (no one is named, gets a little redundant? but since everyone is a reader, it had to be done), pregnancy (at the veryyyy end of the fic), explicit content: virgin and unexperienced!reader, dom!tae, praising, fingering, ass slapping, tits play, oral sex (female and male receiving), tied-up sex, whip (not really used in the fic), dirty talking?, protected and unprotected sex, jerking off, taehyung is lowkey a freak
☆word count: 46.8k
☆a/n: aaaah here is a teaser for my upcoming Taehyung fic! It is once again an angsty fic with a happy ending (I can’t seem to be able to write something else than angst, can I :’) ). Once again, it is a very long fic, but you know how I write by now hahaha
Read the other establishments in the Life Goes On series here!
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
“Prove it”, you breathed.
His eyes widened again, but soon they were overcome by darkness, a cloud that covered the light you had seen there before. He wet his lips, looking at you, shaking his head slightly as if he didn’t believe you were real. He then leaned down to speak into your ear. “You just want to be touched, do you?”
Your blood started boiling in your veins at the feeling of his warm breath on the side of your face. “I want to know why people like sex that much.”
“I could show you.”
To have Kim Taehyung say that to you turned you into playdough. Playdough that he could mold into whatever shape he preferred and you didn’t even care. It was your teenager self’s fantasy after all.
And maybe you should have been worried, by his willingness to show you. Maybe you should have been ticked off by it, yet you still found yourself whispering, “Please show me, Tae.”
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Coming Friday the 20th, 5 pm EST
#crazy for you#kim taehyung smut#kth smut#taehyung smut#kim taehyung fluff#kth fluff#taehyung fluff#kim taehyung angst#kth angst#taehyung angst#kim taehyung fanfiction#kim taehyung fanfic#kim taehyung fic#kth fanfiction#kth fanfic#kth fic#kim taehyung x reader#kim taehyung x you#kth x reader#kth x you#taehyung x reader#taehyung x you#life goes on series
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reckless serenade (kth)
i’ve been trying to figure out exactly what it is i need // called up to listen to the voice of reason // and got the answering machine
Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Fem!Reader
Type: One-Shot - Sequel to The Bad Thing drabble.
Summary: Your husband hasn’t looked at you in months, but his co-worker, Kim Taehyung, can’t take his eyes off you.
Word Count: 4K, with 2K+ being smut, lmao.
Content: SMUT - 18+; Taehyung's POV; infidelity; reader's husband really is just The Worst; oral sex (m and f receiving); multiple orgasms; face-sitting; penetrative sex (p in v); tbh it doesn't explicitly state whether it's protected or unprotected sex, so??; moral quandaries; Taehyung gets his own fucking warning tbh.
A/N: This Taehyung is back by popular demand. This picks up where the drabble left off, so go read that if you haven’t! Actual note and tags are at the end :)
You’d returned to the table separately, several minutes apart, to quell suspicion.
As it turned out, the subtlety hadn’t been unnecessary. Nobody batted an eye when Taehyung sat down after a prolonged absence; and, as expected, your husband’s lecherous gaze hadn’t left the waitress long enough to find you missing. So, when you’d slid back into the seat at Taehyung’s side, no one knew your dirty little secret.
Secrets. Plural.
Park Ji-won might never know that you’d just orgasmed thrice, only a few meters away behind an unlocked door. Or that Taehyung’s orgasm was still lingering where he left it, staining the inside of your little lace panties. Or that the wedding ring he’d bought for his pretty, young bride was still in Taehyung’s pocket, rolling between the fingers that now knew you inside and out.
Definitely not that you’d left that ring in Taehyung’s possession with the promise of retrieving it after dinner — if you even wanted that tacky thing back in the first place.
When the bill came, Taehyung’s co-workers — your husband included — whined like petulant fucking children that the twelve bottles of liquor they’d consumed were fully accounted for. Out of habit, Taehyung glowered and turned to see how you were reacting, only to find that you’d done the same.
There was a wry smile tugging at your lips when you whispered, “Well, well, well… if it isn’t the consequences of their own actions.”
He’d snorted into his glass of water, watched his life flash before his eyes, and — thankfully — managed to swallow down his laughter before he could choke on it.
Is this the personality your husband misses out on, listening to everyone but you?
Taehyung, keeper of the company’s black card, bowed to the waitress as he handed it over. She’d smiled at him — the first genuine one he’d seen from her all night — and scurried off to close out what had likely been one of the worst shifts of her life thus far.
Normally, he’d feel the same: eager to leave and get the fuck away from the ghouls he already spent too much time with. So annoyed by their lack of manners and restraint that his rage would carry him out the door, to his car, and home again without either foot seeming to come in contact with the ground. He’d levitate this time, too, but for different reasons.
Instead, Taehyung flew home on thoughts of you. He’d replayed the way you shivered when he pulled your chair out for you and helped you into your coat. Like a rose petal in his palm, so fucking delicate, he’d carried the memory of your hand bumping innocently against his on his way out the door. And as he drove, he thought of what you’d said under your breath.
Am I a consequence of your husband’s actions, too?
Taehyung has been home for two hours now, and he still doesn’t know what the fuck to do with himself.
He doesn’t bother turning on the television; he’d never be able to focus on whatever would end up flashing across the screen. He doesn’t pick up one of the many books in that untouched, yet ever-growing pile on his coffee table. His gaze keeps flicking hopefully towards his front door, as if staring at it with intention will manifest you on the other side.
What if you changed your mind? What if you'd been caught out? What the hell was Taehyung supposed to do with your wedding ring if you never came back for it?
Fuck. Shit! Motherfu—
His catastrophizing is cut short by a quiet knock on the door. Three shy taps in quick succession, they mirror the way Taehyung’s heart is thudding against his rib cage. He ignores the anticipation turning cartwheels in his stomach as he pushes himself off the couch and makes his way to you.
Even though you’d announced your intentions earlier, Taehyung is still semi-shocked when he opens the door and sees you standing on his doorstep. The look in your eyes tells him that you’re surprised, too. At yourself, maybe, for following this rabbit hole down to the bottom. Or at him, because he hadn’t used any of the past two hours to change from his suit into something less stuffy.
You did change, he notes immediately. You’ve traded in your dress and stilettos for active wear; and Taehyung really might die now, jealous of leggings that smooth over your curves like water. It’s the comfort that really has him fucked up, though. The hair in a loose knot on top of your head, the barely-there stain of pink on your lips now that your lipstick has been discarded.
“There you are,” He hums with a tilt of his head. There on his doorstep; there in real time; there in what he can guess is your usual state. Fucking perfect. “Wasn’t sure if you changed your mind.”
You cross your arms, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, and tilt your head just the same. “I didn't,” you breeze, “I was conducting an endurance test.”
“Oh?” Taehyung chuckles softly, “Do tell.”
“I wanted to see how long I could tolerate sitting home, alone, without even a texted excuse – and without going out of my mind.”
“Two hours? Impressive.”
“Forty-five minutes,” You correct him, eyes twinkling, “I just got really, really lost on my way here.”
“Even more impressive.” Taehyung grins as he opens the door and steps aside to invite you in.
You slink through the gap; and he can’t tell if the way you brush against him is intentional or not. Then, you toe off your sneakers and leave them on the mat next to the door. You look up at him, but he’s still looking at your shoes.
Plausible deniability, he realizes. Just in case tonight is the first night that your husband cares where you are — out on a run.
Taehyung pushes the thought away, tears his gaze off of those Nikes, and refocuses on you. Ignoring the million things he wants to do to you, he nods up the hall to his kitchen. “Care for a drink? I’ve got an incredible bottle of Bordeaux from Pomerol.”
“Just one bottle?” Your tiny smirk weakens his resolve even further. If he didn't love these little exchanges so much, he'd be worshipping you by now. “Not twelve?”
The most perplexing thing about you isn’t how quick-witted you are. Taehyung’s seen it in every conversation he’s ever had with you; and he waits patiently for it, every time. The twist is how subtle you are with your little quips. Perfectly understated, they’ll fly right under the radar of anyone who doesn’t expect them.
Does your husband even know to look?
He leads and you follow until you’re both standing in his kitchen. You take in your surroundings while you nibble thoughtfully on your bottom lip. Taehyung digs through a poorly organized drawer for a corkscrew he’s not sure he even owns.
Now, he’s nervous. This is the part where you find out he’s not a wine guy. He spent every step here praying that you wouldn’t ask him a single question about that Bordeaux because he couldn’t tell you a goddamn thing about it — except that it was a gift from a client, and that he hadn’t opened it because he prefers beer.
You, on the other hand, enjoy wine. If you do end up drinking at the firm events you attend, that’s what you choose. While your husband is off somewhere, drowning in hard liquor, Taehyung is laughing with you and your glass at a table. When the night’s over, he replays the sight of your tongue darting out over your lips, collecting the excess maroon that lingers when you pull your glass away.
Taehyung can’t point out Pomerol on a map and, as it turns out, he can barely operate a wine-opener. Thankfully, you have your back turned and your eyes fixed on the wall calendar full of shit he intends to blow off. You don’t glance back at him until, with a pop, he finally yanks the mangled cork from the bottle’s neck.
Before he can turn to the counter and grab two wine glasses from the rack hanging overhead, you’re already on task. On tiptoe, reaching up, up, up, you let out a frustrated whine when you still come up short. On instinct, Taehyung steps into the space behind you. You lean back against him while he secures one glass in each hand; he feels the heat radiating off your body and nearly drops them.
Not that he would mind.
It’s so hard to give a shit about this wine with the curve of your ass so near to his dick, but he’s a better host than he is a co-worker, so he slips away to pour you a drink. Once he’s finished, he holds yours out to you.
If he were drunk by now, he could’ve blamed it on the alcohol, but he swears there’s a faint crackle of electricity when your fingertips brush against his.
You close your eyes and inhale through your nose. “Mmm,” you hum appreciatively, eyes re-opening to blink up at him, “Smells incredible, doesn’t it?”
Taehyung has no fucking clue because he forgot to fill a glass for himself. He doesn’t care if you notice, either; he’s too transfixed by the sight of your lips parting as you bring your glass to your mouth. You take that burgundy in, the column of your throat bobs as you swallow, and he’s waiting for it – waiting for it – waiting for it...
It’s such an innocent action, the tip of your tongue swiping over your lip, but it sets off something primal in him.
Bordering on feral, Taehyung sets his still-empty glass back on the granite surface of the island and takes four, wide steps to you. A little gasp tumbles out when his hands claim your waist, but it isn’t surprise. Pupils suddenly blown wide, it’s want that prompts you to discard your drink beside his and tangle both hands in his hair.
Though he’s wanted to for years, this is the first time Taehyung has ever kissed you. It’s carnal. You kiss him back, and it’s all clicking teeth, whimpers, and desperate, clinging fingers. Insatiable, too, and it tastes like fancy French wine.
You’re starving for it, he knows, and you whine when his tongue leaves yours lonely. That pout could convince him, without a word, to rob a bank at gunpoint.
Who the fuck would leave you home alone?
“Angel,” Taehyung pants, locking eyes with you. He runs the pad of his thumb over your flushed cheek and feels the way you shiver. “I’m not above fucking you in this kitchen, but after fucking you in a public restroom, I think you’ve earned a bit more comfort than that.”
“Oh, fuck – just like that, angel. Shit!"
You’re on your knees between his spread legs with his throbbing length down your throat and your hair flicked over your shoulder. It’d all spilled from your top-knot a while ago, and Taehyung remains thankful for the shitty construction of that elastic band. Now, he has some part of you to hold while the rest of your body is out of reach.
Every instinct is telling Taehyung to throw his head back against the pillow – with his eyes screwed shut and his mouth hanging open – but then he’d miss the way you keep looking up at him under dark eyelashes. Wet eyes blink as your ravenous mouth works magic, and goddamn, this talent has been going to waste for years.
If he lets your ministrations continue, he’ll be dead long before he can pay you back – with interest. Buried before he can thank you properly for your service with his face between your thighs. So, Taehyung swallows hard, cards his fingers through your hair, and gently guides you off of him.
He’s committed a lot of sins in the past six hours, but interrupting your medal-worthy exhibition feels like the worst of them.
Your voice is a bit hoarse from how much of him you’d taken and how’d deeply you taken him. Wiping at the spit that slicks your chin, you look self-conscious when you rasp, “Is something wrong?”
“No,” Taehyung shakes his head firmly though most – definitely not all – of him feels like gelatin. “Fuck no, sweets. That’s why I have to stop you.”
Sitting back on your knees, you pout, and he melts. He’s already spent too much time wondering how your husband can leave you on the sidelines – but that was before Taehyung knew what face you make when you don’t get your way.
Goodbye world, he thinks. He’ll never get out of this bed as long as you’re in it.
He beckons you with a curl of his finger, wholly unprepared for the ramifications of his decision to do so. Now, you’re straddling him, hovering overhead with your face mere centimeters away from his. You lean in when he cradles your jaw in his hand. So sweet, you smile a little when you feel the tickle of his breath warm your lips.
“Ride me.”
Taehyung can’t help himself; he’s nearly pleading. You smirk and move your hand down towards the cock leaking all over his stomach. He reaches out, taps under your chin, and stops you in your tracks. You burn pink when he clarifies, “Not there.”
This idea has you frozen in place. Worse, there’s a speck of anxiety blooming in your eyes; and Taehyung doesn’t have to guess why. He’ll add this to the infinite list of ways Park Ji-won has fucking failed you.
Taehyung was already propped up on his elbow, but now he sits up fully to meet you where you are. “Hey,” he murmurs, stroking his thumb over your chin before kissing you, “Only if it’s what you want. For what it’s worth –”
Fuck, you look so shy.
He kisses you again. “I want you to fuck yourself on my tongue –” And again. “Until you’ve taken back every orgasm –” Another kiss, and you whimper, “You’ve been deprived of.”
When Taehyung’s eyes flicker back to yours, there’s a new sense of determination burning in your irises. Even better, there’s a brief twitch in your jaw as you place your palm against his bare chest and push him back down against the mattress.
You’re a force of nature every day of the week, but as you crawl over him, it’s the most powerful he’s ever seen you look.
Your hands take hold of the headboard as you lower yourself down towards his mouth, which is already watering at the mere thought of tasting you. Pausing with your slick center just out of his reach, you glance down at Taehyung. He tilts his head to the side, nips playfully at your inner thigh, then soothes the sting with a slow swipe from his tongue.
He doesn’t say a word, but you hear him, nonetheless. Keep going. You do, and you both groan when his mouth meets your cunt.
Finally.
Tongue teasing at your clit, Taehyung’s hands on your thighs pull you down harder. He refuses to accept the shyness keeping distance between you. No, he demands your full weight; all of you.
Angel that you are, you acquiesce and grant permission for him to devour you fully. Taehyung can’t hear you keening over the suckling, slurping, and panting, but he can feel it in the way your thigh muscles clench around his head.
His name rings out clear as a bell, though, right before your whole body begins to shake.
“F-fuck!” You squeak, crumpling forward.
Taehyung suspects that your orgasm is too heavy to face sitting upright, but whatever the reason is, it’s bringing your fluttering cunt closer and closer to him; and he has no plans to stop at one. Spit-slicked and gushing over his mouth, the way you begin to grind against him says that you aren’t tapping out, either.
It’s a start, but he wants more from you. To coax it out, Taehyung pushes his fingertips deeper into the flesh of your legs and pleads with you to give him everything you have. You listen – so fucking well – and drop one hand from the headboard to grip his hair.
Yes, he screams inside his head. Use me, angel, just like that. And you do, rolling your hips against his mouth, tugging at his curls until he feels that incredible sting at his roots.
You come a second time with his tongue darting inside your hole, nose brushing against your clit. Insatiable, both of you, he forces out a third before those aftershocks can even subside.
Taehyung gasps for air when you wriggle away from him. You’re equally out-of-breath when you collapse sideways onto the bed and rest your trembling body against his. When he turns his head to look over at you, he expects to find you with your eyes closed, fully spent. Instead, despite your fluttering eyelids, you stare right back at him.
The way your fingertip traces soft spirals across his chest has his brain spinning, too. For reasons he can’t explain, that delicate touch feels infinitely more intimate than the million ways he’s touched you over the course of the night. It’s the most at-peace he’s felt, too, but you throw a curveball to keep him on his toes.
“Not tired already, are you?” You tease with a devilish grin before placing a kiss on his bicep. When he laughs incredulously at you – you minx – you keep those little kisses coming until they're trailing up the curve of his shoulder.
Taehyung is a firm believer in showing, not simply telling. Catching you completely off-guard, he rolls over until you’re pinned beneath him, head caged between his arms. Your surprise left you in a gasp, but the shock has already given way when he ducks down to nibble at the side of your neck.
You moan when he nips at your earlobe; you miss the way he smirks against your skin because your eyes have fluttered shut again. Who's tired now? He growls low from his chest to recapture your attention, “How do you want it, beautiful?”
Everywhere, all the time, like I do?
Taehyung suckles at a spot below your jaw, and he doesn’t give a fuck if your husband finds his calling card. You don’t either, it seems; you whimper and roll your head to the side to increase his access.
You keen as you place your hands on his shoulder and dig your nails into his skin, “Dealer’s choice, just – please fuck me.” It sounds close enough to a cry when you continue, “I need you inside of me – now.”
How could he ever say no when you beg like that?
Your poor thighs have been through enough, so Taehyung keeps you where you are: nestled underneath him with your heaving chest brushing against his with every breath. You spread your legs to create space for him, then cross your ankles behind his back when you feel his tip tease at your entrance.
He has to fight to keep his eyes open when he enters you; unwilling to miss a second of the way your mouth falls open, even though you’re too vexed to audibly moan. He’s not – not yet, anyway – and he can't keep quiet when your wet heat envelops him.
Slowly to start, Taehyung grinds against you, pushing his cock further into your cunt until he’s buried to the hilt. “Holy shit,” he grunts.
You’re dripping. There are rivulets of you spilling over his length, coating him all the way down. Still, your walls grip him tightly enough to dot stars behind his eyelids. Squeezing, daring him to move but fighting him as he tries to leave. You’ll milk him dry, sooner rather than later.
“I’ll never get over this – could fuck you every day, and it wouldn’t be enough.”
Whimpers spill out of you as he continues to rut against you, stretch you open for him. Your nails dig half-moons into his arms, and they sting, but Taehyung wants every single souvenir you’re willing to give him. He’d archive every touch if he could; play every mewl of yours on a loop, and savor the way it feels when you orgasm around his cock.
“So, don’t stop,” You pant, gripping his jaw and pulling him close enough to kiss. Against his lips, you repeat your demand, “Don’t ever stop.”
Taehyung is still trying to determine which version of you has him most fucked in the head.
He thought it was you and your little, black dress and heels. The version of you that followed the man who took your wedding ring into a public restroom; fucked him; and then left without your ring.
Then, he met the version of you that dresses down for clandestine, extra-marital dick appointments. A dark horse, certainly, but then there's the one who wore nothing at all; who shook, and cried, and came all over his face.
The best thing, he realizes, came last.
It's you in his crewneck, towel-drying your hair in his bathroom while he brushes his teeth. You, saying you'll stay – just this once – because you know for a fact that your husband never came home. You with your chin resting on his chest as your sleepy gaze struggles to focus on him.
Taehyung had figured that you were too tired to speak, so you startle him with your voice; even more so with the deep frown working its way over your face. With how much you shrink when you say, "I think I'm a bad person."
"Why, because you're here?"
You nod. His heart drops, though not because he didn't expect this. Rubbing gentle circles into your back, Taehyung inhales, deep in thought. There's a lot he wants to say, but significantly less that he can even begin to articulate. He can't say the quiet part out loud, even though it's screaming through his skull.
Maybe if your husband was a good person, you wouldn't be where you are right now. Maybe if he loved you, he would be home to notice that you weren't.
He tries his best, sighing, "I think people are a lot more complicated than that."
This thought catches your attention. Your chin digs into him slightly as you tilt your curious head to the side. Cute.
He continues, "I think we're given a hand of cards – some of them great, most of them shitty – and we do our best to play them well. You know, to the extent that we can."
"Do you really believe that, or are you trying to make me feel better?" You smirk, playfully tugging at the waistband of his boxers.
Taehyung exhales forcefully through his nose and tucks a runaway strand of damp hair behind your ear, "Does it matter?"
tagging: @borahae-k @i-purple-buff-bunni @pamzn @myimaginationsrunningwild @nonbinary-demonbrat @mgthecat @btschimeyplanet @jihopesjoint @jaejoontrashpanda @taebaelove @cyanide-mustard @xjoonchildx @jkoofier (couldn't tag) @bbyorchid (couldn't tag) @persphonesorchid @sncx3 @hersheytheekiss (couldn't tag) @iammisstora @quarter-life-crisis2 @here2bbtstrash @dvalitaes @1dsn @iadelicacy
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likes are always appreciated, but it's feedback that means the most — whether that's in a comment below, PM, reblog, tags, etc. tysm for reading ✨
A/N: So, by now, you've noticed that the original drabble and this fic are both in Tae's POV. I did not want to tell the reader how to feel about this. I wanted it to be as open-to-interpretation as possible, and I really, really, really wanna know what y'all think about the thing I didn't clarify: Do you think (1) they actually have feelings for each other; (2) Taehyung loves the idea of her and feels like he's "saving" her; (3) Reader just wants to be wanted, for once; or (4) it's a combination of things? HMMMM.
#re: the bad thing#re: reckless serenade#kth#kim taehyung#taehyung#bts taehyung#bts kim taehyung#bts#bts smut#bts angst#kim taehyung smut#kim taehyung angst#taehyung smut#taehyung angst#taehyung x reader#taehyung x you#taehyung x y/n#kim taehyung x reader#kim taehyung x you#kim taehyung x y/n#bts fic#taehyung fic#trashlibrary#heyryen#jade writes
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what fate decides [taehyung x reader] [part 2]
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summary: You're a beta in love with your best friend, alpha Kim Taehyung. Except you know that you can never fulfill his dominating urges, so you draw a line between the two of you. Cherish his small kisses and embraces until an omega has to come along.
Until one day, you're not a beta anymore. Now, it's nearly impossible to resist the protective, endearing alpha in front of you.
pairing: taehyung x reader
chapter tags/warnings: angst, self-depricating thoughts, fluff, alpha/omega, a/b/o dynamics, best friends to lovers, slow burn ish, smut, mature, swearing, car accidents
tags: @theblueslytherin @tatyhend @tinyoonsblog @vsmith0099 @midnightsora @cupcakesxdomjoon @likeshatteredrainbowglass @scuzmunkie @kookiwu @xjiminsthighsx @dreadity @lovelytaes-blog @noooodlllleeee @ggukkieland @namjoonshug
You remember how he used to creep through your window and curled up next to you. Your bed creaked as you let him settle, but every sound—as he took off his shoes, chucked off his jacket, ran a hand through his hair, all this illuminated in the moonlight—shattered your heart. It’s as fragile as glass whenever he’s around, and wonder how many more times you’d have to mend it together until it’s just not possible.
“What’s it like?” You had to ask. “Being an Alpha?”
You’re sure that your memory is different from his. All you remember is coming home one day, ready to throw the kid out the window because he annoyed you all day, placing pranks for you around the school and sticking his tongue out. It’s not fair that the sunbae’s loved him too, and that he got away with everything if he smiled wide enough. The boxy smile and crinkling in his eyes were enough to melt any girl’s heart, including yours. Though you expected to confront him about that and skipping classes, his mother confronted you—telling you he was an alpha.
He was sixteen then. You seventeen. But by then, you were well-aware of the impacts of designation. Enough so that you left without asking questions.
His arms went around your waist. Mouth near the back of your neck, him burying his face in your shoulder. Legs tangling up with yours. As a beta, senses weren’t as heightened, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t smell someone else on him. Mijun. And it made you want to throw up. Because it’s all too clear what he spent the night doing—calming his urges down.
Well, not urges, but… yeah. It was mutual for the two of them, and you liked Mijun as an acquaintance. She was one of the few people who treated you nicely and hung around Taehyung at the same time.
“What’s it like?” He asked in return. “Being a Beta?”
“Dull,” you responded. Hopeless. Beta’s and Alpha’s don’t go together. They just don’t. Biology demands for an Omega to be with an Alpha. Same with the other way around. You, you were like the leftovers the world created. The followers—the secretary in the movie that cleaned up after everybody’s mess, but was never given credit for it.
At least, that’s how it felt as a teenager.
“Uncontrollable,” he told you. Added, “The only time I feel like I’m in my right mind is with you.”
Yeah, because you’re logical. There’s nothing more to this exchange except that you two will be friends. And it only made the bitter taste in your tongue get worse.
That part didn’t change.
There are certain telltale signs—other than the additional signs of aggressiveness, stronger scents that even you can pick up, and constant growls—that accompany Taehyung when he’s about to go into rut. For one, the idol becomes impossible overbearing, becoming attached to your hip and hovering over you like you’re either pregnant or weak.
This is one of the many reasons I didn’t come to Korea, you think, as the alpha comes in with several grocery bags. Like come on, you are a Beta. Capable of carrying both an Alpha and Omega on your backs, which is why usually you had positions where you were the mediator. It’s a talent, multitasking—doing jobs and calming down both so called levels simultaneously.
“Did you want to eat something?”
“No,” Taehyung mutters, scowling at the string of hoodies on the ground. In your defense, you were entranced in a scene, and refused to be sucked out of it. Cleaning up after yourself would cause you to lose all the ideas you came up with plot wise. “I’m cooking tonight.”
“You learned how to cook?” You laugh.
He scowls. “Of course I learned how to cook. Who’s going to take care of you? All you do is order to-go food.”
It’s not just the food that’s annoying him—you can tell. It’s the fact that the two of you fought over where you would stay. Taehyung kept arguing that his apartment was available, but you didn’t want to take advantage. And yeah, you understand that it’s stupid not accepting a free space where you don’t have to pay rent, but then when you think about how the media would portray it, it all sounds wrong. So you reside in a small apartment a bit larger than your studio, and let him come over.
“Hey!” The protest rings loud and clear. “I can cook a great ramen, where the noodles aren’t overcooked and there’s just the right amount of broth. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“No, because ramen isn’t healthy.”
“If you’re going to be like this, find an omega to spoil, Taehyung ah,” you joke. Your heart clenches, but you force the smile to remain on your face. It’s better this way, to create distance. Now that you can’t do that by land or ocean, you have to do it through words.
Yes, it’s painful, pushing Taehyung away. But you’ve lived with the fantasy of a beta and alpha being compatible for years, only for it to be crushed whenever he slept with another girl, or snapped at you through his ruts. Just like the alpha could be gentle, he could be vicious, too. And it wasn’t—isn’t—your job to calm him down in that area.
It’s his omega’s.
98% of marriages between an alpha and beta end in divorce, you tell yourself when the idol clenches his jaw. Taehyung and you won’t be any different, not that he’s even interested in you in the first place.
“So, what are you going to cook?”
“Curry,” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair. The other hand is placed on the small of your back as he kisses your shoulder, then your forehead. “Go rest, love. You look like you’re about to topple over.”
Yeah, because the mattress that you bought—one of the cheaper ones—isn’t as great as the one in America. And as you’re getting older, your back is only annoying you more. So you lay on the sofa as Taehyung cuts the green onions and starts chopping the carrots in silence. When he started cooking, you can’t even recall. All of a sudden, he just starting to grow taller than you did, and take care of you like you used to take care of him.
It’s unsettling, really.
You want to scream.
In joy, of course.
Heading home from a cafe, you’re beaming, nearly tripping over the sidewalk as you run home. You managed to finish plotting your novel, and are finally—finally—satisfied at how it would turn out when you start writing it. And today is the day—it has to be. You’re running home when the idol himself calls.
“You have a meeting today with the PD?” You ask. “Or do you not have anything better to do than annoy me?”
“Ha,” Taehyung mutters. “Funny. I was wondering—” That’s when you spot him. Wearing a coat and dress pants, along with a pair of sneakers by the streetlamp. The wind’s blowing, sending the December snow scattering into your eyes, but you squint through it to get a better glance at him. Your nose is cold, and your teeth are chattering, and you should be home. But here you are, picking Taehyung up. There’s a scarf around his neck, but you know it’s not from him. It’s not his. Shivering, your hands are too numb to press the end call button.
Taehyung’s eyebrows knit together, but then he glances up. His eyes are smiling already when he steps forward. And you don’t think. You run.
Stupid, stupid mistake. The light might be green, but the snow’s heavy. And your timing has always been terrible. Your legs ache, but then you slam into something. Lights—yellow? white?—flash in front of your eyes, and you don’t know what happens. You’re just on the ground. Your bones feel like they’re shattered, and you whimper. It’s more than numbness you’re feeling now.
Fire. Fire is spreading all throughout your body, and it’s like something has knocked out your voice, making it impossible for you to do anything.
Then fear. It sets in like the ice pricking your skin. You want to thrash, but you can’t.
“Love? Love. Love,” he repeats. First with the nickname he gave you, then your actual one. Hovers above you, calling your name, voice hoarse and throaty, panic laced in the edges. Just like always, you’re drawn into Taehyung, your senses tunneling in to focus on nothing but him. Even the sirens drift into the background, along with the other hands that are grabbing you, checking your pulse, making sure you’re alive.
“Stay with me!”
BONUS (cause I was bored and wanted to stay in this drabble for a little longer):
Providing for you pleases Taehyung. You don’t know it, of course, but the way you unconsciously react to him—eyes brightening, lips curving upwards, and head tilting back—it tells his alpha that you’re submitting to him, eager for his return. Sometimes, before he can think better of not ruining the friendship the two of you established, he’ll lean in and wrap his arms around you, burying his nose in the crook of your neck.
Fighting the urge to mark and bite it. Leave hickeys around in the area so everyone—including you—can know you’re his. For now, he has to provide indirectly. Making sure that you have a nice apartment, one that isn’t blocked by other buildings and has the right amount of sunlight. You also like the garden balconies, so he gets you one.
Anything you want, anything you need, it’s yours.
“We could sleep. It’s just the same bed,” he protests. “We’ve done it since we were kids. Fuck, we take naps together even now with you and top of me.”
“That’s on the sofa.”
“And what’s the difference of it being on a bed?”
“There is no difference,” you hesitate. “But you are in rut, Taehyung.”
“Noona,” he sighs. “I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m in tune with my alpha, and I know when my rut will hit me hardest. I promise I’ll be out by then, but I just want to cuddle with someone who’s not my members at all. So come upstairs, okay? I’ll be waiting.”
He’s not wrong—he is comfortable. Legs tangled together, you let him play with the strands of your hair, arms wrapping around his waist. You can hear his heartbeat, head laid directly over it. That, along with the soft coos his alpha makes, causes your eyes to grow drowsy. So when Taehyung pulls away for a second, you mumble incoherent words, something about your heating pad disappearing.
And then the alpha hears it—the soft whines that settle when he molds himself to you again. It subsides in an instant, and his eyes widen when he takes in your closed eyes and parted lips. If anything, your beta is calling out to him, and though the two pairs—alpha and beta—aren’t usually mated, this itself shows that you’re attached to him.
More than attached. Attracted.
#kth smut#taehyung smut#taehyung fluff#taehyung angst#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#taehyung x reader#v smut#taehyung x you#bts au#bts fic#kth fluff#bts x reader#bts fanfic#kth angst#bts x you#taehyung scenario#taehyung imagines#bts werewolf au#bts alpha#alpha taehyung#omega reader
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Before I Leave You (Pt.68)
(Sneak Peek) (Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)
Summary: Your time is running out. minute by minute, breath by breath, kiss by kiss.
Tags: Angst, Hurt (no comfort yet), illusions to past mental health issues and past domestic abuse, mentions of low-self-esteem, internalized shame and self-shaming behaviors, themes of abandonment, speeding, guns, violence,
W/c: 12.4k
A/N: ahhhhh so here we are! i've been dreaming of this chapter since the very beginning of the series! this is like...the ultimate chapter...thank you for giving me a little bit of extra time to sit with it! we've still got a bit to go! fun fact that is actually my hand writing in the note in the moodboard....i couldn't find a pic of something i liked so i made it myself!
Previous part - Masterlist - First part
Chapter 68: Before I Leave you (Sneak peak)
You look striking in the half darkness, a pair of Yoongi’s green flannel pajama pants rolled up several times to fit properly around your hips. A thin white tank top that's almost falling down one shoulder. Namjoon’s heart pulses dully with the need to hold, the need to protect. He makes a soft noise in his throat and your head jerks in his direction.
You swallow, and your lips look dry, eyes glassy and innocent in their tilt when your mussed hair fluffs over your shoulder. Messy from where Hobi was nuzzling it in his sleep.
“I was just getting a glass of water.”
Namjoon wordlessly holds his hand out to help you get out of the nest without teetering or disturbing the others. Noodle dashes back down the stairs with a soft meow. Tae sighs and re-settles, smacking her lips and Jimin’s arm tightens. Your mate turns face up in the nest, chest rising and falling, mouth opening like he can taste your scent on the air.
Namjoon doesn't doubt he can, honed in on you and focused as he always is.
Namjoon doesn’t let go of your hand when your feet find the smooth floor. Checking the wounds on your hands and verifying that they’re clotting, the margins slotted together properly for minimal scarring (he'd redone the glue-suture after your shower with minimal scolding). He stoops and presses a gentle kiss to the bandages after they are re-fastened. Letting his lips linger there for a second.
Namjoon has always had big hands, warm and steadying as they cradle yours. Small and chapped and scared.
Instead of continuing on downstairs, you linger for a second by Namjoon’s side. Eating up every word he says, his scent, and the comfort of having him nearby. Something you know you won’t have forever. (Somehow- you know that this will be the last time that Namjoon holds you. You can wait one minute more. you can give him one more minute) He sets the gun to the side and pulls you between his legs.
“Joonie?” You ask. Your pack alpha wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzles forward, rubbing his spiky head across your midriff. Nose nudging the dimple of your belly button and the slight pudge there.
Namjoon will never not be happy that he can see the evidence of the pack’s love on you. Will never not feel proud of you. He nuzzles, and you huff a soft laugh that Namjoon feels against his cheek. Your warm soft skin swelling with laughter. Namjoon’s face is blushing red when he pulls back to look at you in the darkness. Corralled in the safe circle of his arms, fingers digging into your hips and squeezing.
“What are you doing alpha?”
“Just thinking- just-” Namjoon’s voice gets so much lower in the nighttime, it's a gravely growl. A sound that paints pictures of lightning and clouds hovering low like a blanket.
“When all of this is over, I want to go somewhere new.” Namjoon's hands tightening on your waist. “-With you. Just you. Just the two of us. Maybe.” Namjoon fights back a fresh blush at the confused cock of your head. “maybe- like- a fancy Airbnb? or something? Wouldn't that be fun? Would you like that?”
You pause, humming. Indulging Namjoon in this as he holds you loosely around your hips, fingers rubbing endlessly up and down the sensitive small of your back. Eyes wide and emploring like a child.
You're only too happy to forget for a second and imagine. What would happen if you didn’t leave tonight? What would happen if you found some way out of this- and imagine if you actually got your happily ever after. Just like in the movies.
But glass slippers cut. Dresses are rented not owned. Good dreams have the power to hurt- even when they’re good.
It’s easy to go further than just thinking about a simple weekend. You Imagine far into the future; a day that you'll never see. A future with Namjoon and the pack.
Namjoon would be a good father.
He’d be kind and patient. He’d never snap. He’d never yell. For a moment that’s all you want to think about- not a stupid weekend but a lifetime. A family. A world where you’re never yelled at, where you don't have to be afraid, where nothing is hard and even if it’s hard you do it together. Where you just get to live.
If you had pups, you know Namjoon would treat every skinned knee like it was surgery. Would never tell them to walk it off or say it wasn’t that bad. You know that he’d go through every tea party with gusto and stay up late to help them with their homework. That he’d struggle to say no but that you might never need to. It would be lovely- getting to give something small and innocent so much safety. It would be nice to have pups with Namjoon.
You can’t say you don’t want it, but you know in that moment that you won't get it. You'll never get to see Namjoon be a father- even if the pups aren't yours or are just his and Jin's. You’d love them all the same. What use is it to Imagine things that you’ll never get? What good are dreams like this but to tease you, just out of reach?
Namjoon nuzzles into your stomach again. His nose drawing soft circles just under your belly button.
You’d be a shit mother anyway. Too fragile. Too nervous. Too hurt. Too much of everything. You'd fuck them up just by being you. you'd fuck them up the same way you've fucked up this perfectly good pack. You've brought nothing but destruction upon them. The evidence of you is everywhere. The bullets in the ceiling, the blown apart door. Your hands and Hobi's throat. All of this is because of you.
You snap back to the present, swallowing down the lump in your throat. You’re gnawing at your own leg to survive. All things that bite cannot resist it. What good does hope do at the end other than to hurt?
Still- you can't resist asking Namjoon, curled around you like a protective barrier to keep out all the worlds hurts (or to keep you in)
“If we went? Where would we go? If we made it- What would it be like Joonie?”
Coming Saturday March 23rd at 5pm EST (Time Zone Adjustments Below)
#bts omegaverse au#bts a/b/o#bts x reader#bts poly au#bts gang au#bts mafia au#bts polyamory au#bts au#bts fluff#bts hurt/comfort#bts werewolf au#bts angst bts omegaverse fic#bts hybrid fic#min yoongi fic#kim namjoon fic#kim seokjin fic#kim taehyung fic#park jimin fic#jeon jungkook fic#jjk#pjm#myg#knj#kth#ksj#jhs#jung hoseok fic#min yoongi x reader#kim namjoon x reader#kim seokjin x reader
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laura's taehyung recs
I’ve been reading fics in here nonstop way before I started this blog. It felt like a sin not compiling a list of some of the stories that I loved and hadn’t gotten around to sharing yet, a few of them safe in my drafts until I was ready to make this.
I will keep on adding onto this list as I keep finding stories I've read before and would love to share with you. Leave some love and appreciation to the authors if you can!
disclaimer: all stories that include mature themes will be labeled accordingly. DNI if you aren’t 18+
♡ - favorite
S E R I E S
groovy by @kinktae ♡
◦ 1970s au, childhood friends au, fluff, angst, smut
hush by @suga-kookiemonster
◦ ft. jungkook, smut
change by @junghelioseok
◦ ft. jungkook, angst, fluff, smut
a human touch by @snackhobi
◦ android tae, angst, fluff, smut
cliff diving by @wwilloww ♡
◦ camping au, friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff, smut
the art of touch by @snackhobi
◦ royalty au, strangers to lovers, forbidden romance, light angst, fluff, smut
obsidian by @kpopfanfictrash ♡
◦ magical au, murder mystery, enemies to lovers, angst, smut
chism by @kpopfanfictrash ♡
◦ fantasy au, winter god au, angst, smut
O N E - S H O T S
the holi-date by @kpopfanfictrash
◦ fake dating au, neighbors au, smut
black irises in the sunshine by @ddaenggtan
◦ greek god au, violence, smut
heart is where the home is by @gukyi
◦ airport au, fluff, smut
across a lifetime by @jeonggukingdom
◦ time-travel au, criminal au, angst, smut, fluff
of lace and lust by @hobidreams
◦ college au, roommate au, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, smut
cobalt blue by @hobivore
◦ ft. jungkook, smut
note #1: if any fic recommended is in hiatus, the author has yet to update or left altogether, please do not pester them with updates.
note #2: These are not all of my KTH recs! There’s more with extensive commentary from me here and you can find more of my favorites here
#kth#taehyung recs#taehyung smut#taehyung angst#taehyung fluff#taehyung x reader#bts au#taehyung au#bts x reader
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swan’s song | kth (m)
a thousand thank yous to @missgeniality for this absolutely stunning banner <3
Summary: If Taehyung’s life is a musical, then you’re its best song. It’s truly unfortunate... how every good song must always comes to an end – but you never do. You play on and on to the beat of his heart.
⋙ pairing: Taehyung x reader
⋙ rating: 18+
⋙ genre: established relationship; tiny bits of angst, lots of fluff, smut
⋙ warnings: dilf!tae yes, recurring theme of music and songs, slight fear of thunderstorms, so many cheesy lines it’s disgustaaang, post-partum depression (just for a tiny tiny bit), birth of a child (no explicit description, just fluffy feelings), explicit sexual content: baby-making sex, soft dom tae, impregnation kink, oral (f. & m.), fingering, body worship, she has stretch marks and he loves it, praising, dirty talk, kissing, breast play, unprotected (baby-making !!!!!!!) sex, multiple f. orgasms, they’re cracked and dumbasses i love them so much
⋙ word count: 21.6k
⋙ a/n: heeey! this is a love letter that i wrote around two months ago, to my very favourite couple. happy 1 yr anniversary to songs about you 🤍 thank you to @hobisuniverse and @missgeniality for loving this couple since forever and for helping me so so much with this fic 🥺 shoutout to my love bells, who wrote the proposal and candy’s toast and let me use it <3 taewan live on 🥺 hope y’all enjoy !! feedback is as always appreciated <3
⋙ reading the first two parts adds to the backstory, but is not necessary. THIS FIC CAN BE READ AS A STAND-ALONE!
MASTERLIST | WIPs
When you told Taehyung to take care of the decorations, this is not what you meant.
The balloons are scattered on the ground, every possible colour building a rainbow, because he didn’t want a specific one assigned to your baby. You already know it’s a girl; you’ve even brainstormed names for her in advance – but Taehyung remains steadfast in his decision to not raise her in the traditional princess-and-unicorns way.
“Hey, if she decides she’s into racing cars instead of dolls, fine by me,” he always says, never failing to add a quiet, “dolls are scary anyway.”
But the chaos at your feet?
You wish you could scold him for it – tell him that he was supposed to glue the decorations to the wall. But he’s so excited and thrilled that you can’t muster the strength to do so, shifting your frustration elsewhere instead as you whine, “I still need to clean the kitchen. And then put snacks on the table and… wait, did you call Namjoon, ‘cause he needs to bring–”
“Swan,” Taehyung calls, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you into his body, “it’s all fine. Everything’s clean and in order, and yes, Joon is bringing the cake.”
You take a breather.
He knows his nickname for you is a weakness – it has long become a common utterance between you, accompanying you since high school when you got utterly obsessed with Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake. And Taehyung won’t let you forget your love for the piece to this day.
Cuddling into his embrace, you ask, “How are you so calm?”
“I just… don’t care much for perfection?” He pauses, adoration written in his eyes. “Perfect cakes, perfect presents… You’re healthy, and anything beyond that just doesn’t stress me out all that much.”
He says it so nonchalantly. Like it’s no big deal. But to you, his care and love are anything but ordinary, the biggest deal ever. In every waking moment that you struggled with your pregnancy, Taehyung was by your side, ready to abandon meetings and his work for an hour or two to guide you through your fatigue and stress.
You reckon you might’ve lost your sanity long ago if it wasn’t for him.
“It’s gonna be fine,” he assures, squeezing your shoulder once before he lets go and bends down to pick up the balloons.
It’s a pity that the winter is raging outside – if it wasn’t, you would’ve planned a little garden party, worn flower crowns, light blue dresses and provided ice cream and milkshakes. But ever since you moved into Taehyung’s apartment, you’ve estimated that several horses can line up in the ample space present here. So you guess that does the trick, too.
Maybe you can coordinate it better with your next child.
Because the truth is, no matter how much happiness your togetherness and shared DNA brings to you, you didn’t plan any of this. Taehyung was a beloved friend with benefits, and your love story was close to burning out. Failure in communication led to almost full radio silence before he captured your heart all over again.
And telling him about the pregnancy was the last main sign that proved just how much you belonged to him; and he to you.
You’ve heard harsh critique about your state; a child born out of wedlock is what they always call your baby. They view you as young and naive, incapable of handling things on your own after popping out of college as a fresh graduate.
But you don’t care too much, and neither does Taehyung.
Because for him, all that has ever mattered was your wellbeing; anything beyond loving you and caring for you was waved off with a careless smirk. And despite the fact that you’re the big CEO’s little girlfriend, you’ve learned to focus on positivity, too.
“What’s with the guitar cookies, by the way?” you question as he works on the balloons, planting your hands on the table you prepared. “I saw them on the kitchen counter earlier.”
“Just manifesting that she loves Linkin Park as much as I do,” he answers, groaning as he reaches up the wall.
“You think making her listen to Leave Out All The Rest every night isn’t enough?”
“You barely ever let me.”
“Well she’s too young for rock music.”
“No one’s ever–”
Your amused banter stops when the doorbell rings, and you flinch for a moment, a hand on your chest before you walk over and peek through the spy. Candy, your and Taehyung’s mutual best friend, as well as her boyfriend Hoseok build the first cheerful pair to enter your place – and from here onwards, guests begin flooding the space in an interval of mere minutes.
The affair passes stressfully but smoothly, and you spend most of your time on your feet except when your daughter starts kicking again. With the cake already cut and dinner served, you escape to the bedroom quietly, sitting down with a groan before you prop up your legs and swollen feet slowly.
The laughter and conversations soon fade into the background, and you allow yourself to close your eyes for just a moment before the door creaks open and someone slips in.
“Ah. Found you,” is what the voice remarks, strolling in cheerfully before she sits down next to you, “you okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired.”
Candy sighs before she places a hand where your own rests on your stomach, rubbing it gently and with a tender, soft smile before she asks, “Is it hard? To know you’re responsible for a little life like that.”
You think for a while.
There have been times when you spent your afternoons crying, missing your flute lessons and performances – even standing would leave you breathless. You’ve caught yourself drifting and counting down the days one too many times.
But when the little existence inside you kicks… or conjures the same old boxy grin onto Taehyung’s face… when she reminds you that she’s there, waiting to meet you, impatient and tiny, you realise that those might be the days you’ll miss when they’re over.
“No,” you finally answer, lifting your chin, proud and happy, “it’s not. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.”
“Tete takes good care of you, right? ‘Cause if not, I’ll–”
“He does. He does… he spends hours talking to us.”
You watch her expressions change, surprised at the combination of glee and melancholy that spreads across her features; and when her lips begin to drop, you ask, “What about you? Are you planning something with Hobi already?”
Candy snaps out of her brief trance, immediately shifting into her usual self again as she shakes her head and clarifies, “No. No, not at all. Not yet at least. But maybe one day? Seeing you like this makes me want it, too. Makes me wonder if he ever wishes for the same thing.”
“If I know one thing about you two,” you start, shrugging your shoulders, “is that you’ll screw your brains out until your house is filled with tiny yous. No doubt that he wants it, too.”
She rolls her eyes, but her laughter doesn’t stop, and she pushes your angled legs sideways before she remarks, “Says you. Tae and you would get at it whenever you got the chance. Remember when I asked–”
“When you asked if we did anything else, too? Yeah, we did.”
From the corner of your eyes, you spot the speaking silhouette entering the room, relaxed and idle steps carrying it forwards before his features sharpen.
With a smirk, you stare at the approaching man of your dreams, completing his thought as you sing-song, “He liked hearing me sing.” Taehyung comes to a halt next to Candy, his eyes falling onto where her and your hand connect on your tummy. “We also went on fancy McDonald’s dates and went vinyl-gazing.”
“Other people watch stars, you know?” Candy says as she rises, bumping Taehyung’s shoulder lightly. “Join me outside.”
You nod and sit up as Taehyung offers his hand, questioning, “How are we doing?”
“Doing well. Namjoon and Princess are still not talking, and Jungkook managed to rope me into a conversation about his games, but… otherwise, managing. Missing you.”
You get to your feet carefully, held by his hands, giggling as you tease, “You miss me all the time.”
“So?” His fingers travel to your face, holding it in their grip tightly before he begins to squeeze your cheeks, cooing at you, “What’s wrong about missing your pretty, bratty face?”
“Ye’re lucky thet–” You push his hands off your face, rubbing the spot he pulled at so mercilessly. “Ouch, you ass. You’re lucky that you’re cute or I wouldn’t wanna make any more babies with you.”
Taehyung gasps, following your steps with an open mouth as he wonders, “You want more babies with me?”
“Shut up.”
The moment you step out, you halt, taking in the chaos of every guest scattered god knows where. The first pair you notice consists of Hoseok and Candy, having abandoned all your expensive furniture to sit on the ground next to the fireplace, backs leaned against the walls and discussing something heatedly.
“Hey!” she exclaims once she detects you inching closer, fingers lifting from her discarded heels and towards Hoseok. “We were just discussing you two.”
“What were you discussing?” Taehyung asks, one eyebrow raised and arms folded.
“Oh, I don’t know. The pregnancy. The baby shower. The musically inspired decoration and how you’re disgustingly perfect for each other.”
“Nothing new then.”
“He just killed every feeling in my cheeks, though,” you remark, rolling your eyes at your boyfriend, “we’re not as cute as you might think.”
“Do you need me to attack?” Candy asks, her voice growing higher with each syllable before she comes to a stand. “I’ll attack, if you want me to.”
“You two bash me any chance you get. Help me out.”
He says the last part to Hoseok – but the older man only shakes his head cluelessly, raising his hand as if to shield himself from his woman’s wrath. It makes you laugh, the gentle domesticity. The adult life you’ve always seen in romcoms, the perfect bubble that you didn’t think existed in real life.
“No, she’s right,” you add, fuelling the fire as you hold a cheek towards his face, “apologise.”
But instead of kissing your cheek, he rolls his eyes once again, sighing in defeat before he tells his still crouching friend on the ground, “Tell your girl it’s not cool to gang up on me. Or to snatch my girl.”
You and Candy stand in the corner with your arms draped around each other’s shoulders, laughing and enjoying the scene unfolding before Hoseok shrugs – probably not quite aware what he’s muttering when he says, “What the wife wants, the wife gets.”
The comical silence that follows lets your jaw fall, awkwardness befalling the circle in which you stand – and you think that somewhere in the distance, you can hear birds chirp and a plane take off.
A soft blush dusts Hoseok’s cheeks, and you laugh when Candy digs her nails into your bicep and Taehyung jokes, “Damn. Not even we are married yet.”
When the celebratory mood calms and guests leave one by one, your eyes start drooping until you’re swaying at your spot. You don’t know whether it’s the exhaustion that socialising brings or the existence inside you draining you of energy – but once the door closes and the apartment empties, you let Taehyung know that you’re hurrying to bed.
Taehyung, yawning into the back of his hand, steps to your form. Brushing his fingers against your waist, he presses a gentle kiss onto your forehead, sighing in equal tiredness as he says, “I’ll load the dishwasher and clean up a bit. Go rest some, yeah?”
With a slow nod, you disappear into the bathroom, washing up before climbing into bed. But despite the relaxation that the soft mattress brings, your mind doesn’t slip into a peaceful sleep. Instead, you lie awake, replaying some of today’s conversations in the silence of the room.
You wonder how long it will take Namjoon and Princess to repair the damage their past brought. You wonder if you’ve ever seen Candy as happy as she is now. As their faces flash into your mind again, you question when all of you grew up like that; when your childhood faded and gave way to the new beginnings you're still trying to get used to.
When Taehyung enters the room, your place lying clean and still, he’s not surprised when he finds you still awake. Just like you always are when he comes home from work late.
You’re swimming in a sleepy state akin to a drunken haze, the air filling with comfort and relief when you feel his hands on your tummy late at night. He inhales the scent of your shampoo, fingertips drawing forms on your growing stomach; and when you hum in content, you hear him whisper, “Swan?”
A little pause.
“You should sleep instead of waiting for me, baby.”
“I couldn’t.”
“Yeah?” he voices, kissing his way from your shoulder to your cheek. “Couldn’t sleep without me?”
It’s not the first time you hum and waste your night away, exhausted beyond imagination, but never reaching the ultimate state of calmness until you’re wrapped in his arms. It’s a habit you shouldn’t grow used to – not now that the due date sneaks closer.
You need rest and energy at all times; but Taehyung can’t deny that your need for his presence lights his heart up like a Christmas tree.
“I’m…” you begin, turning to lay on your back before you look into his sparkling eyes, “really nervous.”
“Nervous?”
“Well, it’s just. I’ve never bore a child before.”
You state the painfully obvious. But Taehyung is not here to ridicule your fears. He's here to make you feel less alone.
“Hmmm.” He hums, his lips still kissing your tender skin and the fabric of your shirt. “I’m nervous, too.”
With the literal extra weight you carry, you almost forgot that Taehyung is part of this whole process, too – you reckon with the added stress at work and him doing errands all around, you didn’t quite realise that his thoughts were circling around labour, too.
He always remains calm around you. Excited, yes, but never in visible fear; or like he’s not sane enough to guide you through hardships.
Or maybe, he’s just holding himself together for you whenever you can’t.
“I’m kinda scared I might miss it,” he elaborates, biting the inside of his cheeks, “I sometimes dream of you in labour and I just, I don’t know. Don’t want you to be in this much pain.”
You smile into the darkness. His hopes are endearing; albeit unrealistic, they harbour love and empathy. You trace the veins of his hand that still rubs your clothed tummy tenderly, and with drooping eyes, you say, “There’ll be plenty of this. We can’t really avoid that.”
“Yeah, I just… wish I could take some of it.”
“You already are.”
His fingers halt on your tummy and retract, and he pushes his hands under his head as he looks at you and asks, “Back when… when I came back and you told me about this… did you think I was gonna resent you?”
Back then… not more than four months ago.
When you’d still spend nights in your room alone, the mattress growing cold on the other side; the overload of hormones toyed with your already overthinking mind. And right when you felt your nerves bursting, numbing your brain and your body, he came back to you with red-rimmed eyes and a crushing bang.
He’s told you how he felt in the time apart – how dull and grey his days had become and how his brother Namjoon had put his heart back in place again.
You regret the juvenile naivety now; hate that you didn’t communicate earlier – but with time, you’ve learnt to let the rope of your past let go eventually. It doesn’t do letting your palms bleed like that.
“We had a rough time,” you begin quietly, swallowing the slowly emerging knot of nostalgic sadness, “you had never told me before that you were in love with me, but I always knew you had a soft spot for me of some sorts. And I don’t know… part of me was sure you’d support me.”
You shift closer to his body, turning your head to look at him. The breath escaping between his divided lips warms your skin from only inches away, and you clear his forehead from the stray hair strands before you continue, “But the other part thought I’d have to deal with this alone. We’re young. And you were busy, and I…”
“I was so in fucking love with you,” he cuts in, digits wrapping around your wrist to pull it to where his heart beats. “When you told me, I was over the moon and it just… put things into perspective more.”
“Like what?”
“Like. I got this ultimate proof for wanting to stay with you. And you were crying and overwhelmed, and so scared, and… the voice in my head just screamed that no, I can’t ever leave this woman behind, no matter what the hell happens.”
You listen intently, but you don’t realise the goofy, smitten grin on your face until he shoots you a look almost apologetic. As if he’s sorry for igniting those familiar, seething sparks in your heart.
“We’re so…” you begin, scouring your thoughts for the right word, “sappy today.”
“The situation makes me weak, okay?” Taehyung defends, a jovial laugh breaking the quiet serenity lingering between you. “And thinking back. I missed you. Like crazy.”
“I know.”
His palm comes to a rest behind your ear, tugging you closer until his lips ghost right at the sharp corner of your mouth. He stops the steady knocking of your heart for a brief, silent moment, and when he speaks again, his voice sounds changed; vulnerable, unguarded and so, so frail.
“You’ll be okay, right?”
Giving him a sanguine nod, you gather all hope and optimism in your voice, and tell him, “I’ll be okay. For all of us.”
Taehyung worships the ground you walk on every waking second of his life.
You turn the often miserable earthly existence into heaven; like your home isn’t your home, but a cloud that refuses to dissolve. Like you’re the compass leading him to an eternally blissful life. A symphony’s rhythm to which his beaming heart beats.
Whenever he isn’t working, he’s floating around you, reading your every wish from your lips before you can utter it; and he’s proud of it. Thinks that he’ll never do less for you than he does now.
Except, when the big, glorious day finally arrives and he gets a call right after a tiring meeting. You rushed to labour, Candy says. As the only available acquaintance, she drove you over, panicked and nervous, watching you squirm and pant on the passenger’s seat without Taehyung by your side.
“But she wasn’t supposed to deliver before next week!” Taehyung exclaims, his voice trembling, a heavy knot growing thicker in his throat.
“Well, the doctor's predictions aren’t always one hundred percent! Just… get your ass over here!”
Candy’s words are decisive but gentle; despite his absence, he’s still a working man. Trying his hardest to provide for you and the little family you’ll soon be, and no one can blame him for living through the current of life.
Which doesn’t stop Taehyung from hyperventilating anyway.
Hurrying to the hospital, a thin sheen of sweat coats his forehead, and he clutches the steering wheel, uttering curses, watching his knuckles pale.
He imagined it’d be him taking you to the hospital, giving you reassurances and hugging your fears away. But how are you now? Taehyung wishes he could tell from his carseat, the beat of his heart rapid and wild as he prays for you to be okay.
As he enters the hallway after two wrong turns, Candy’s already standing in front of the room you must be in; her hands are folded in front of her, her head tilted as she watches the door like she’s guarding you.
Taehyung doesn’t bother to throw any kind greeting at her, feet rushing to her before he places a hand on her shoulder and asks, “Am I too late?”
Candy shakes her head, her eyebrows shooting up as she takes in her friend’s nervous countenance. His forehead is wrinkled, lips turned downwards, his eyes glassy and the tears close to escaping. Has she ever seen him this emotionally weak before?
It’s funny what you’re able to ignite in him.
“You’re not too late.”
At her words, at least an ounce of the weight falls off his shoulder, and he sighs before he adds, “Is my daughter okay? Is Swan okay?!”
With a nod, Candy shakes off his hand from her shoulder, gripping his biceps instead as she tells him gently, “They’re okay. But she’s tired… cried a lot, and she’s stopped, but. The pain comes and goes in waves.”
“Really?” Taehyung questions with agony in his voice.
But Candy rubs his arms soothingly, assuring him, “It’s childbirth, Tae. It’s normal. She’s probably close to delivering, so go in and be with her, yeah?”
She doesn’t need to tell him twice.
With two big steps, he’s opened the door and taken you in. Your eyes are closed and your breathing is steady; some of your hair strands are glued to your forehead, and your hand rests on your stomach so peacefully that you look like you’re sleeping.
But when the doctors ask him questions, making sure that he’s not an intruder but the father of your child, your eyelids snap open. He’s talking to them, but his focus remains on you – furrowed eyebrows, the crease carved between them dripping with worry.
“Hey, handsome,” you greet with a tender smile, your voice drained, your sigh heavy, “didn’t think you’d make it today.”
Taehyung steps to the bed and plummets onto the chair next to you with a smile so fond and tender that you feel your muscles liquify. Even in his fear, he’s the prettiest existence you’ve ever laid eyes on.
Thick eyebrows, moles smiling at you, dark hair parted in the middle and pupils housing an ocean of galaxies. You hope your child carries the same stars in her orbs as he does.
“You’re crazy to think that,” Taehyung remarks. His voice is still a mumble, shaking with the first hints of approaching sobs. “I’m here, baby.”
He didn’t think there was any state left he needed to see you in to melt. If he loved you before, the feelings bubbling in his overwhelmed heart now are too much, truly showing him what being alive and a human being means. You’re more than his vulnerable soul can take – more than he deserves.
Grabbing the hand resting on your stomach, he brings it to his rosy lips, kissing each and every knuckle before he places your palm flat against his cheek. You watch him in silence, grimacing when the pain comes crawling back again slowly.
“How was work?” you ask casually, looking at his calming smile.
“Boring,” he answers, baffled that you can still think about anything else but your pain; about him. “Missed you.”
“Really?”
“Are you gonna act like it’s a surprise?”
“I’m… well, you have a lot of… meetings, right?”
In the silence of the room that only your conversation breaks, third and fourth voices mingle, and Taehyung overhears the doctors talk about how your cervix has already opened, and that the second stage should approach soon-ish.
Both of you have researched tons of things about childbirth. Like, that it takes at least four hours for the cervix to open fully; that the time varies. That a lot of messy and ugly things are involved, followed by the most beautiful, wonderful sensation that is the beginning of a new human life.
According to when Candy texted him first, in the middle of a meeting, more than two hours must have passed.
“Meetings are boring, too, baby,” Taehyung says, shrugging his shoulders lightly, “and my Swan radar was going insane today anyway.”
You laugh at his choice of words, ready to answer with something similarly endearing and teasing before the cramps come crashing back in a sudden wave.
And that’s how the afternoon ends and the evening begins.
The pain stops being bearable and gains intensity, and he sits by your side for what feels like hours. Watching you scream, cry, whisper his name, curse the world. Begging the doctors to finally get that kid out of you, affection turning to anger, anger turning back to affection.
It’s both worrying and hilarious, and Taehyung doesn’t know if he wants to keep grinning at you or burst into tears at your misery. But he’s here. Holding your hand all the time. Whispers sweet promises to you, kisses your forehead and your fingers.
“Tell them to give me something!” you cry at one point, close to the descent of your child; you think you might explode. “A pain killer or whatever, Tae, fucking please.”
The nurse addresses you by your last name, sitting between your spread legs before she pats your ankles and says, “It’s normal, love. And it’s gonna stop soon, you’re almost there.”
It takes another hour and some more curses until things finally start to happen. Candy enters the room with excitement buzzing in her body; enduring the long hours feels easier with them by your side.
You wish your or Taehyung’s parents were here, too. Who would’ve thought that this affair would happen so suddenly, in the middle of the day?
The sun sets all too soon, and you feel exhaustion flood your body. When the process reaches its peak, constant reassurances and ”Push, keep pushing!” are thrown into the room, and your yelling numbs Taehyung’s ears before… it’s over.
A high-pitched cry sounds beautifully, a new voice filling the room as you slump back into the delivery chair and attempt to steady your breathing.
Taehyung doesn’t notice he’s closed his watering eyes until he opens them, and suddenly, the sight combined with the sound of a newborn child dizzies his mind. It’s happening. It’s actually happened.
Even after nine months, the moment doesn’t feel real.
From afar, he watches the nurses clean the tiny girl carefully; words have dissipated into thin air, the ability to form sentences long vanished. He’s silent, speechless – his hand still clutches yours, your breathing still registering in his mind.
But shit.
Does every father feel enchanted in a moment like this?
Is that what he anticipated before, too? No way. This feels new. Indescribable. Like a spell.
And then, the nurse holding your child is done, cooing at the baby in her arms before she locks eyes with you. Your gaze darts between your daughter and Taehyung, and you shoot him a comforting smile as you ask him, “All good, babe?”
Unbelievable.
It should be him asking you that. But he’s still unable to utter words just yet; seems like he’s alone with the struggle, because from the other side of you, Candy chirps, “She’s talking to you, friend.”
“I’m…”
He silences again once you take your baby onto you thankfully, your arms wrapping around her perfectly, pulling her against your chest. Immediate tears trail down your cheeks and onto the hospital gown, and you sway your baby feather-lightly as you whisper, “Look at the way her tongue is sticking out, Tae.”
Your tender voice is dipped in endless love and disbelief, quivering and drowning in your sobs before you look at him and… find him crying just as much.
It’s a fest of tears, you realise, because even on your right side, Candy is muffling her sounds with her palms. She’s sniffling, leaning forward, elbows resting on the chair next to your body. You nudge her limbs with your elbow, nodding as you say, “Hey. What’s up?”
“Just,” Candy says, wiping her tears that don’t stop anyway. “Just happy.”
“Me too.”
Taehyung gulps, shifting closer; almost like a child peeking at something curiously. His eyes are blown wide, glittering, his lips apart and eyebrows raised. And you sniffle once more, gesturing for him to come closer before you voice, “Here.”
“Do you…” he starts, licking his lips as he pulls his flesh and blood into his arms. “Do you remember what we wanted to call her?”
You nod, rubbing your eyes and tilting your head in the way he loves the most. “Of course I do.”
“Do you still want to?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’d love to.”
“Elegant and beautiful. It suits her, right?” he murmurs, exhaling deeply. “Ara.”
His mind is fog shrouded, eyes blinking and focusing on the way the big eyes are looking at him; so, so huge on the miniscule face. Her pupils stare back at him like two moons; innocent and calm, the cries having subsided as she takes in the expression and warmth of her father.
She doesn’t know he’s ready to die for her. Give up everything, hold her just like this, now and forevermore; she doesn’t know just yet, but he feels it with a burning intensity of a thousand suns.
And that’s what she is.
Because as he takes her small hand into his enormous hand, he can’t help but compare her to the star. She reminds him of radiance; pretty lights brightening the world. If he thought he could never love anyone as much as he loves you, he was mistaken.
“Swan…”
“Yeah.”
You’re already drifting; tremendously exhausted. The hand that you placed on his thigh begins slipping slowly, enchanted by the way he looks at her. The way she looks at him. As though her lips-smacking, squinting, wiggling self senses that she’s safe, loved and protected.
But you don’t break until he speaks again, whispering, “She’s so tiny.”
Your heart shatters in the most wonderful way you can imagine; just a few years ago – or heck, even one year ago – you didn’t think you’d ever walk this path with him. You couldn’t say where your fuck buddy affair would lead; some pieces of you were sure you’d break things between him and you and return to normal life. Drift apart.
Only, life without him isn’t normal. Life without him has never been the route to take, never the future you desired.
You love him with the power of every naturesque phenomenon known to humanity. A supernova. A hurricane. A thunderstorm. Lightning, fire, gravity. He pulls you in… never pushes you away.
“She is,” you voice as the hammering of your heart gives way to a gentle beat. “She is, right?”
Then, you start dozing off. The last thing you feel is his kiss on your forehead, words whispered to you that you decipher as, “I love you so much, so, so freaking much, baby.”
And to the song of his voice, the blanket of sleep wraps around your consciousness eventually.
The musical piece your life was during your pregnancy and days after birth turns into a gloomy symphony akin to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.
Things should be good. They’re supposed to be good. And, somewhere, they are.
Euphoria is real; the love you feel for Taehyung and Ara is real – he plays and laughs with her when you’re too busy or exhausted. And the first few weeks pass with you basking in enthusiasm and happiness; there’s no joy greater than yours, you believe.
But then, things begin to shift.
Like you’ve walked through an invisible, paper-thin wall of sadness that has latched onto your back and refuses to let go. You don’t know where it comes from – or rather, you don’t try to make sense of it until Taehyung drives you to your doctor, a regular check up turning into a deep conversation that diagnoses you with something you didn’t even comprehend in the beginning.
Postpartum depression is what she says.
Accompanied by melancholy, exhaustion, fears and guilt. Guilt about not wanting to wake up every night to fulfil your daily duties anymore. About not wanting to hear a crying child anymore. About wishing for just one calm, peaceful day.
And your body hurts. No one told you it would hurt like this.
You don’t miss Taehyung’s worry in small gestures and words; he doesn’t ask you straightforwardly, hoping that things might settle soon. But he cooks for you; cleans for you; buys you whatever you need, takes care of you without you ever asking it from him.
He doesn’t ask – until you stop talking altogether.
On a quiet summer night, you close the door of your bathroom behind you with tired eyes, yawning into your palm before you lay down on your shared bed. Taehyung is scrolling through his phone, looking through social media when you sigh next to him.
Ara has long gone to sleep, and the peace and quiet at your place numbs your mind with an overwhelming calmness. Like your brain is winding down and abandoning one thought after another.
You’re ready to pass out for the night and give in to a possibly dreamless sleep. That might be ideal. But before you can drift off, Taehyung places his phone on his nightstand, shifting on the bed to lie down next to you and wrap his arm around your waist.
You groan when he pulls you closer, and furrow your eyebrows when he kisses your neck, saying, “Need sleep, babe.”
“I’m just cuddling.”
“Hmmm.”
Your lack of response breaks his heart into tiny splinters. He misses when you joked around with him, teasing him, awaiting his return from work just to watch an animated movie and doze off on his shoulder. Nowadays, you barely look at him.
“Swan,” he calls, his hand rubbing your stomach, his hot breath falling against your cheek, “please talk to me.”
When you freeze, he pulls you closer; hides your bodies under the thin white blanket as he waits for an answer. But you merely sigh, shaking your head as you tell him, “There’s nothing to say.”
“Nothing to say to me?”
“Nothing to say at all, really.”
“Baby, I won’t be able to help you if you don’t talk to me,” Taehyung begins, slight impatience changing his conversation tone. You understand his frustration – it’s your own, too. “I know what the doctors told you… I was there. And I’m tryin’ to–”
“You don’t need to. It’s fine.”
A beat of silence.
Then, he asks, “What?”
You’re desperate; you just want to sleep. Nothing in you feels the particular urge to explain to him how hard your mind has been spiralling lately. But deep inside your core, you know that this is not what your relationship consists of – it’s about care, communication and safety. The constant secrecy and fear of revealing your thoughts to him aren’t usually part of your love.
But you’re sick of being a burden.
“If it stresses you too much, it’s fine, Tae. I can take care of myself and–”
“Do you think I’m doing this, because I feel like I have to?”
He interrupts you with irritation lacing his voice. The sudden question catches you off guard, and you press your lips into a thin line, attempting to choose your next words carefully as you argue, “I mean… it’s not like you’d want to be in this situation voluntarily.”
“No, but we are in this situation. Look at me.” His tone grows oddly authoritative, monotone but powerful. His grip around you loosens, and you grow more irate, more frustrated as you flip to your other side and meet his eyes. “We. I’m not here, ‘cause you’re forcing me, but because I want to be your anchor.”
The words he utters contrast the hardness of his voice, but with each syllable, the soft lilt returns bit by bit. Especially when he detects your damp waterline, the tears that are threatening to spill. They hold back fiercely; but then, you blink, and Taehyung follows the wet trail down your cheeks intently as you whisper, “Tae, I…”
“We’re a team, Swan,” he continues, tenderly, “don’t go silent on me.”
Whatever dam you built to keep your thoughts at bay breaks when his hand squeezes your waist, and you inhale a sharp breath as your eyes wander to his hardened jaw. He’s not suffering because of the reason you fear – but because you don’t let him be a part of those fears.
“I just… feel like I’m trapping you. You don’t deserve to feel like shit right after becoming a father. Like,” you admit, shaking your head as he listens carefully, trying to make sense of your feelings and pain, “the mother of your child shouldn’t behave like this, right?”
“Like what? Like she just went through a whole ass pregnancy? Like she pushed a baby out of her armed with nothing but pure perseverance? Hoping to get some rest? That’s just… life, baby.”
“It’s fucked up.”
The last word dies in your throat, introducing a series of uncontrolled sobs that fill the room with sudden, gut-wrenching grief. They turn Taehyung’s body to glass and shatter it with a hammer; but his focus remains on you, rushing to glue you together as his hands move upward, cradling your face as his thumbs begin wiping at your tears.
“Shhh, hey,” he coos, pulling your lips closer to his, pecking them just softly as he continues, “hey, it’s okay. I’m here and we’re okay, yeah? God, baby.”
He presses you flush against his chest, pulling the thin blanket over your bodies before his arms wrap around your trembling torso tightly. His embrace is a place of comfort, a feeling of home – despite the sadness, goosebumps arise on your skin; a sign of affection. A sign of promises that the world won’t suck forever.
“You and Ara are everything to me,” he whispers, ignoring the wet patch that spreads on his tee, “there’s nothing in this damn world that will tear you apart from me. I’m here for you, okay?”
“I’m sorry…”
“No. Tell me, okay or not?”
Your fingers dig into the hem of his shirt, fisting the material until it nearly rips. Nodding against his body, you draw a deep, shaky exhale, sniffling as you confirm, “Okay… okay.”
Taehyung’s hand soothes your back, drawing circles along your spine. With his chin resting on your head, he stares into a dark spot in the darkness before he lets his eyes shut, pressing a barely there kiss against your scalp as he realises – this won’t do.
When Taehyung asks Namjoon and Princess to babysit Ara for just a day, for just a few hours, please, he doesn’t expect them to give in this fast.
He’s well aware how much the pair adores their niece, but he anticipated a firm no right away, reckoning that they’d be busy spending their Saturday evening somewhere else, doing literally anything else. But the enthusiasm that spreads across their features lights up Taehyung’s heart, endlessly grateful for the readiness with which his brother and his girl crowd Ara’s space.
You’re half worried they might doze off while babysitting your baby – it took a good amount of arguing for Taehyung to finally pull you out of your bedroom and convince you to leave Ara in someone else’s care. Even if just for a day.
“Get the hell outta my house now,” Namjoon jokes, waving his hand into the couple’s direction as he shields Ara in his buff arms.
He hides her from your sight, but you fight his stubbornness until you’re able to steal one last kiss from your daughter. A gentle nickname and goodbye from Taehyung later, you separate from your shared flesh and blood, soon finding yourself at a place exquisite enough to post on social media, but not expensive enough to wear high heels to.
You’re happy about it – dressing up is fun, but pairing ballerina flats with a summer dress is undeniably more comfortable.
As you leaf through the menu, skimming the endless pages of semi-fancy food, you lean in amused, placing your cheeks in your palms as you say, “I miss eating unhealthy stuff at cheap stalls in between classes.”
Taehyung laughs, nearly snorting the coke he’s been drinking from. He raises an eyebrow as he wipes the remnants of the soft drink, questioning, “Greasy street food made you hella tired in classes, though.”
“It was totally worth it, you gotta admit that!”
Taehyung shrugs, clicking his tongue as he leans back. Thinking about a time when you used to accompany him to music shops and listen as he played the piano… was that just a few years ago? The same lifespan he’s living now?
Blinking softly, he regards your smile carefully. There’s no doubt that he hasn’t been reborn just yet – life might have changed, but you’re the same. The kind friend he used to confide in, fierce at times but infinitely soft nevertheless.
Not a soul who basked in your existence dared to speak ill of you – there was no one Taehyung knew who handled life so tenderly, so humbly.
“Wanna go again sometime?” he queries, delighted when an immediate sparkle shimmers in your expanding pupils.
“I’d love to,” you answer, flashing him a toothy grin, “I loved spending that time with you.”
With a roll of his eyes, Taehyung’s foot hits yours under the table gently, fingers drumming against the table as he remembers, “As if. You always asked Namjoon, Hobi or Candy to accompany us. Genuinely, I thought you didn’t like being with me alone.”
“No, I just…” you begin, staring at the still liquid in your glass, “you just intimidated me.”
“I intimidated you?” Taehyung spits, eyes blowing wide. He doesn’t remember ever being anything but gentle with you.
The affection he showered you in, the laughs and jokes and late afternoons spent under bleachers. He’d trade pokémon cards with you when you were still teenagers, mock everyone who didn’t understand your Chopin references.
You can’t count on two hands how often he draped his jacket over your shoulders on rainy nights, can’t recall the number of days he pulled you into his chest; telling you life would get better – that your failures would affect you just temporarily.
He intimidated you?
“After high school, too? We were best friends,” Taehyung argues, pouting in offence as he watches your expressions change.
You didn’t want to worry him – in fact, you were attempting to build up to a joke instead; one that you finally reveal when you avert his gaze and confess, “Yeah, but… sometimes I felt like sucking your dick and it intimidated me.”
Taehyung lets out an unexpected laugh that has a head or two turning to him, but he muffles the sound when he presses the back of his hand against his mouth, asking, “Is that so?” With the sight of you nibbling your lower lip, joy bubbles in his guts; and he knows that he’d adorn every cell of your face with a tender kiss, if the both of you weren’t here right now. “What a glorious way to admit that you’ve always been in love with me.”
“Wish I could say no. You were always too charming for your own good,” you tell him, your voice losing its strength and replacing it with timid emotions instead, “every girl used to stare at you like you were some deity at the stupid campus.”
“I mean…”
“Anyway,” you interrupt, and he chuckles, closing his mouth as he listens with a smile, “guess you didn’t feel all that different. You did fuck me right when I admitted to you that I wanted you like that.”
“Well, yeah,” Taehyung remarks casually, shrugging again, “not gonna deny that I always found you smoking hot.”
“Didn’t think you’d ever fall in love with me, though, huh?”
It’s supposed to be a joke – you’re only half expecting an answer, your eyes travelling to the golden lights on the ceiling of the restaurant. You miss the way he smiles at you, appreciating your attempt at comedy; and you fall silent, your heart stilling for a moment when he says, “I actually did.”
You’re flustered. Even after all this time together, his effect on you refuses to waver.
A large hand sneaks its way to yours, entangling with your fingers before you admit, “Never thought we’d produce someone so beautiful one day. As much as I wanted it… didn’t think it’d be you.”
You’re lucky. You’re so incredibly lucky.
“The best faux-pas ever.”
His free hands lift into the air, and you giggle when you high five his palm. You don’t think you’ve felt this free, rested and relaxed in a long time. It’s refreshing.
“Speaking of…” you begin, tapping the screen of your phone before it lights up, “I should call Princess.”
“No.”
“I’m worried.”
“Why?” Taehyung asks, squeezing your hand once. “It’s okay to worry, baby, but… you need to trust people, too. I know the distance is fucking scary, but Princess and Joon adore Ara to bits… and she loves them just as much. They’d call if something was up.”
For a moment, you consider blending out his assurances and giving in to your fears and overprotective instincts. And upon reading you like the open book you’ve become to him avidly, he adds, “Does it really stress you that much?”
You want to wave him off and say that it’s okay. You’ll survive. But when you don’t find the strength to lie, you gulp, slowly nodding. And Taehyung, ever the perfect partner, fishes out his phone with a deep sigh, repeating your name thrice with feigned annoyance and a beaming smile.
Your worries might be toying with your mind, but they display your love as a mother so clearly. He can’t help but find you endearing.
With a few taps, his phone rings, and he turns it so you can see the display right before Namjoon picks up. The angle allows a peek at his chin and his jaw, but when he fixes it, he smiles at you, greeting with a cheerful, “You’re not coming back already, right?”
“I– why?”
“Because you’re not allowed to. We’re watching TV.”
You stare back and forth between Taehyung and your almost-brother-in-law, amusement lacing your voice as you ask, “Are you trying to gatekeep my daughter, mister?”
“And if I am?”
He doesn’t say much more before the camera shifts to your baby; her gaze is focused, her little fingers curled into fists. Her lips are parted in concentration, and her big eyes don’t break from the TV until she hears you call her name.
Taehyung leans in, occupying most of the screen and hiding you in the background, and when Ara detects him, she gasps in surprise. Her eyes trail past the screen to where you reckon Namjoon stands, and Princess’s hand holds Ara’s tummy, so she doesn’t topple off the couch.
Because she’s excited. Laughing at her father, hands reaching for the phone.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he chimes, his ears turning red as they always do when he interacts with her, “are we having a good time, hmm?”
And then, she grabs the phone and presses it against her ear, mumbling a faint word that she picked up fairly early for being just close to one year old.
“E-o!”
“Hello! What’s up, little one?” Taehyung laughs, and she lets the phone fall in surprise, clearly not expecting the volume with which his voice intrudes her ear.
You’re incredibly thankful that she doesn’t resist other people’s company – you know a dozen babies who won’t even look your way and cling to their parents. Not Ara.
You watch for a moment as she retracts into Princess’s lap in laughter, mimicking your joy before you see Namjoon’s face again and he orders, “Just enjoy yourself. We’re all good here. Watching Sesame Street and drawing some.”
With a few lovely words of goodbyes, the line falls dead, and you take a breather as Taehyung asks, “Feeling better?”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
“Anything for you.” He tilts his head, kneading your hand one more time before you indulge in dinner and return to calm conversations. And when the meal is over and your plates empty, he suggests, “Okay. No time to waste – let’s go somewhere, yes?”
You try with a question – and he dodges it at the speed of light. The mystery in his dark eyes and the mischievous smirk reveal within a fleeting moment that wherever he’s taking you is nowhere you might expect.
When Taehyung pulls into the parking lot of the orchestra slash opera hall you work at, you’re confused.
Does he want you to relive stressful moments and return to the place you’re trying to take a break from? It’s not that you don’t enjoy your job – it’s everything and more you ever expected, the dream that kept you pulled into sleep as your graduation approached.
But no one wants to spend a weekend at their workplace. So he better have a good reason.
“Just trust me and wait, okay?” Taehyung tells you, patting your back before he slithers his hand into yours and pulls you towards the entrance.
You laugh with a crease between your eyebrows, your dress fluttering in the soft evening breeze; and when you enter the hall, you shiver. It’s colder inside than out, the sheer volume of the hall even more overwhelming when it’s empty.
You’ve always admired the structure and architecture of the place; it’s sovereign and elegant, reminiscent of a time period when corsets trended and operas peaked. You could never grow tired of the sight.
But it looks different today.
Every golden light shimmers, drenching the room in dainty sepia hues. The rows of red seats stretch endlessly, and the ceiling shines onto you like the sun; decorated with ornaments too small and detailed to make out from where you stand.
The silence and magnitude of the hall don’t fill you with nervousness today. You don’t imagine the audience staring up at you, awaiting your part or your solo or your contribution to whatever piece your team might perform.
Tonight, you watch the beauty and glory with parted lips before you shift your attention to Taehyung’s gleam. He looks happy; you’re not even sure what you’re doing here, but he seems proud and satisfied with your reaction already.
Puppy eyes stare back at him – as though you’re here for the very first time.
“Are you serious…?” you ask, stepping closer to his body, seeking solace and closeness.
“Do I look like I’m kidding, baby?”
He smiles before he brings your hand to his lips, planting a tender kiss against your skin before he speaks on, “It didn’t take much to convince them to empty the hall for tonight. Care for some music?”
He leads you to the tremendous stage, taking slow steps up the few stairs; but you’re enamoured by the surprise, still baffled as to where you’ve suddenly landed. Letting your hand go, he sprints behind the stage, and within half a minute, the lights are dimmed, soft music escaping the speakers above before he emerges from behind the curtains again.
And when you finally find the strength to speak again, you question, “Wait… you really. Really?”
“I really did.”
“Is that…”
“Waltz of the flowers. Tchaikovsky for my beautiful, little swan.”
You think you might tear up. You don’t know what you expected, but an outing this sweet and thoughtful, with him, would’ve never appeared in your wildest dreams.
The stage belongs to you, and you’re the Clara to his Nutcracker, ready to unveil every secret and every tiny thought floating in his mind. Dedicated to you, to your heart, to your whole being and what you mean to him.
This much. You mean this much to him.
Teary eyed, you look at his lax figure approaching yours, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans as he stands a few feet from you. His hair shines in the light of the room, and he appears like a picturesque angel in the spotlight. You might be a musician, but you feel like an actress playing the main character in the most beautiful of romances.
“Are you gonna play Swan Lake?” you ask, sniffling with a laugh.
Taehyung hesitates, pressing his lips together before he flashes a boxy grin and says, “...No.”
And it’s exactly then that the music suddenly changes – you don’t know which rendition of Tchaikovsky’s piece he chose, but it’s over before you can blink. Instead, a lovely melody follows that you can’t categorise. You don’t think you’ve heard it before; a piano piece that you love anyway, because Taehyung understands your taste in music like no one else.
“No, but seriously,” he mutters, inching closer, “Swan Lake is too gloomy.”
You titter, and your joy only increases when he suddenly bows, stretching his hand towards you before his deep baritone offers, “May I have this dance, Ma’am?”
The happiness engulfing your chest threatens to burst in the form of never-ending tears, but you gulp down the physical effect of euphoria as you place your hand in his palm. He pulls you in and holds you close; his breath mingles with yours as your eyes fixate on the mole on his lips.
“It’s been some time,” you tell him, reminding him of the days when you were pregnant and freshly in love, dancing away the nights until dawn broke in.
“It has been, hasn’t it?”
He twirls you around before you land in his firm grip again, and his fingers travel to the small of your back as he indulges in the laughter that echoes through the hall. You nearly fall and stumble, rounding the entire stage before you land in the middle of it again. There’s no one to watch or to judge – just you, lost and drowning in love.
And when the highlight of the song passes and the tunes of the piano grow even softer, the keys of it tapped lightly, your movements slow, too. You stare back into the ocean of affection that’s swimming in his eyes; and as he snaps out of his own stupor, he tells you, “You look beautiful tonight, by the way.”
You look at the white shirt that hugs his body, its sleeves rolled up; take in the dark jeans, the dark hair parted at the side and locks of it falling into his eyes. He’s dressed in such a mundane way, but looks so heavenly.
“So do you.” Your lips curl upwards when he presses his mouth against your forehead for a small moment, and when he looks at you again, you say, “I needed this… I really… thank you, Tae.”
“Swan,” he begins, tilting his head as his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips and back. “I’ll take you to the biggest stage and to every hall on Broadway if I need to. I just… just need you to be happy.”
When he finishes his sentence this time, you don’t hold back your tears anymore. Let them flow, let the music and his words touch your innermost parts. Love is a sensation so phenomenal, so crazy that you think it might be a miraculous dream.
Taehyung has always shown you how beautiful life can be, even when the rollercoaster ride descends from time to time.
He lifts your chin, gazing into the depths of your eyes. Your heart beats in a different rhythm than the song chiming from the speakers. The hall resembles the whole wide world, but you’re in here alone.
Spinning around each other.
You orbit him. He gravitates towards you.
And he makes sure to let you know; shifts closer, the tips of your noses touching. He gulps, full lips brushing yours, eyes closing – and then, whispers, “I’m so in love with you.”
“And I love you,” you respond in kind; and before you’ve let out the last syllable, he’s pressed his mouth against yours, moving it slowly.
Three words, and he could keep hearing them all his life – your voice is a silky, smooth melody, a symphony so balanced and soothing that he wonders–
Is every song about you or are you the song yourself?
You realise that struggles are indeed just a temporary phenomenon when you get to spend a life with Taehyung.
No matter the issues, you fight through them and pass the tests life throws at you with flying colours. Despite occasional judgemental gazes and random questions about your relationship, you manage to dodge any and all kinds of guilt that tries to sneak its way into your being.
Because you feel comfortable in your relationship – no matter whether a ring adorns your finger or not. You live together anyway – share a life, share a heart, focused on each other and your growing daughter; the memories you make with him don’t require a certain title or status.
Which… doesn’t mean that you don’t bawl your eyes out once Taehyung does propose.
As Taehyung’s nerves go haywire, fingers fiddling with the buttons of his suit, hair slicked back as he waits in a room for the event to start, Jungkook places a comforting hand on his shoulder. The men don’t know where Hoseok and Namjoon have disappeared; apparently dealing with something band and cake related.
They want the wedding to be perfect. But with the knowledge in mind that Taehyung might break a piece of furniture or two, they sent Jungkook to calm the groom.
“As far as I remember, you were ridiculously nervous the day you proposed, too. I believe you can do it, bro.”
But in the end… it’s not Jungkook talking Taehyung out of his stress, but the memory of the mentioned day that relieves his tension just a bit.
Back then, Taehyung had nearly passed out at the thought of getting on one knee and finally taking your relationship a step further. As preparations advanced, he thought back to the day when he cleared his mistakes and walked to your place in the gentle drizzle.
He still remembered the tears you both had cried; still recalls when you’d told him that you were pregnant with his child; the happiness and excitement, your skin on his, the first admissions of love.
When you’d woken up tracing the colours of the rainbow on his face, and finally said yes to his semi-proposal of marrying him; the only man you loved, the only one you’d ever love.
But an actual proposal… slowly approaching. Taehyung was losing his mind.
“Tae, you guys have been engaged for over two years. The fancy ring is the only thing missing, really.”
“Candy–”
“She calls you her fiancé when she talks about you, dude.”
“But–” He stopped mid-speech, his hand slowly coming up to his head. “Ouch.”
Candy grinned, dusting her hands off as she planted them on her hips. “You deserved that, you know?”
“So I’m aware,” Taehyung grumbled, rubbing the spot where his best friend had smacked him upside the head. “You’ve taken every single opportunity over the past two months to tell me that.”
Clearly amused but hiding her joy, Candy waved her hand in a nonchalant gesture, her lips forming a half smirk when she remarked, “Not my fault you took so long with your task. I got everything on my end done in half a day, bear.”
Taehyung glowered at the woman sitting opposite him, lower lip jutted out in a pout. “It’s not that easy to write a song for the love of your life, okay? I’d like to see you try.”
“Moving on!” Candy announced brightly, ignoring Taehyung’s light-hearted jab. “Everything’s ready for tonight, so you just bring your cute little tushy and make sure to be there early. We can do a soundcheck and everything first to calm your nerves.”
Taehyung blew out a breath of air he’d been holding in an attempt to lower his heart rate, the constant thudding against his ribcage proving to be a greater source of anxiety than he’d thought possible.
“Hey.” A hand landed on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. “Everything’s going to be okay. Hobi will be there too. And of course, you have me!”
Candy sighed when Taehyung barely cracked a smile at her attempt to make a self-centred joke. “Hey. Look at me. Hobi and I aren’t going to let anything go wrong, okay? Seokjin and Beauty are on standby too, if you need them.”
Beauty and Seokjin had gone out of their way to take care of Ara tonight – if Taehyung messed this up, it meant he’d wasted their free evening for nothing. Oh god, he was going to shit his pants. But still, he exhaled deeply, his eyes refocusing as he said, “Okay.”
Only, that it wasn’t all that okay.
“It’s not okay, it’s not okay, it’s not okay, it’s not okay, it’s not–”
“HEY!”
Taehyung paused in the middle of his pacing, hands frozen in his curls as he looked blankly at Candy, dressed in a black, sparkly halter dress, who was currently snapping her fingers in front of his face to get his attention.
“So the musicians got sick and couldn’t make it. Big fucking deal, bear! You can play the guitar, can’t you? I can still sight read some piano basics. I’ll take over the piano.”
“But Candy, the drummer–,” Taehyung protested, eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“You really think I didn’t prepare for this? I got Hobi to practise the rhythm of the drums. Those are the main instruments you need, right? We still have a few hours. Let’s give it a try.”
Taehyung, doubt still lingering in his eyes, nodded uncertainly. It wasn’t like he had a better plan.
The first few rounds left much to be desired, with Hoseok getting confused over which parts of the drums to hit and with how much force, Taehyung fumbling and forgetting to sing and play at the same time, and Candy getting her octaves wrong, but two hours of practice made a noticeable difference.
“Okay Tete, I gotta check with the manager to see if the waitstaff knows what to do and when, so I don’t have time to practise any more. Go take a break, I promise everything will be okay.”
With a smile, Candy got up from the piano bench, pushing back her shoulders to stretch them, and walked off the restaurant’s stage, her heels click-clacking across the marble. Taehyung smiled at the sound, remembering the way the same pair of shoes had once stalked across the deck of Jungkook’s 23rd birthday yacht, albeit much angrier back then.
Taehyung took a deep breath, puffing up his cheeks and folding in on himself as he rocked back and forth worriedly on the stool.
“Taehyung,” Hoseok’s voice sounded from behind him. “It’s going to be okay. Trust Candy. She’s a micromanager and she won’t let anything go wrong. She has backup plans for backup plans which also have backup plans.”
The two men let out twin giggles at Candy’s bad habit before clamping a hand over their mouths, hoping the woman in question hadn’t overheard them. Perhaps it was a poor idea to be talking near a microphone.
Moving away from the inadvertent amplifier of secrets, Hoseok jabbed his thumb at the balcony, cocking his head. Taehyung nodded, letting a relieved smile overtake his lips. It’d been getting too stuffy indoors, or maybe that was just his nerves.
Now that the main event was less than an hour away, he was even more of a nervous wreck than he’d been when the musicians had called in sick. His feet were sweating, his hands were sticky, the back of his dress shirt was probably translucent at this point, and he was perspiring in places he didn’t even know had sweat glands.
Taehyung let the crisp evening air caress every inch of bare skin not covered by his outfit, closing his eyes and letting the feeling wash over him.
“Hoseok,” he began, not bothering to open his eyes. “Do you think it’s dumb that I’m worrying so much?”
“Absolutely not,” came a firm reply. “You’re worried because you love Swan that much. I feel the same way about Candy.”
It was a simple answer, but the candour relieved Taehyung of many of his burdens. There was no need to read between the lines, no flowery language. It was a statement and reassurance all at the same time, and Taehyung was happy to hear it.
The two men stayed outside for a while, until a rapid knocking on the glass door behind them alerted them to the time.
“Showtime?” Hoseok asked, offering an arm.
“Showtime,” Taehyung said back, walking closer to the older man.
Hoseok wrapped an arm around Taehyung’s shoulders and patted them in a show of silent support before pushing him ahead, sending a silent prayer to whatever Gods existed that tonight would go off without a hitch.
“For both Taehyung and Candy’s sake,” he added as an afterthought.
When you arrived, you were confused, to say the least.
Confused when Seokjin and Beauty showed up at your doorstep, offering to babysit, saying that Candy and Hoseok had had some kind of last minute emergency and couldn’t make it. Confused when you saw said couple at a restaurant, darting around like a couple of nervous lizards.
Less confused when Taehyung greeted you with a gentle kiss on the cheek. Very confused when he smelled like sweat mixed with his favourite cologne. Less confused during dinner. So confused that you couldn’t begin to explain why you were confused when Taehyung mumbled something about needing the restroom before showing up on the restaurant stage, accompanied by Candy and Hoseok.
And then… all the confusion disappeared when Taehyung’s low register began to echo throughout the restaurant, each word he sang like a neatly wrapped love letter.
“In this moment I see you. It always comes around as I believed.” You didn’t know when he’d composed the song – didn’t know how you could miss his endless nights working on it. But when he continued, you took in every single word he chimed. “When the rain stops, you shine on me. Your light’s the only thing that keeps the cold out.”
You watched as Taehyung paused. His fingers shaking in the air above the guitar strings, he smiled uneasily at you, the nerves back in full force. “I love you,” you mouthed with a teary smile of your own.
Taehyung’s eyes lit up and he began to strum again, his melodious voice echoing sweetly throughout the silent restaurant again, its patrons equally as entranced by the beautiful man on stage.
“And I’ll tell you a million little reasons. I’m falling for your eyes… I just want to be where you are.”
He sang about not understanding you at times – sang about life bringing him always back to you. He sang the melodies into your heart and accelerated its beat, and your guts caught fire at the same time as your eyes watered. The firm Earth underneath your feet shifted and the air grew beautifully suffocating.
Every element combined, and he controlled all of them.
The first few notes of a keyboard piano echoed after a brief pause. You looked to the source of the music and met Candy’s mischievous gaze complete with a wink. Just wait and see, she seemed to say with her gaze. You returned her smile, watching the way her fingers glided gracefully across the keys before turning your attention back to Taehyung.
“Do you know? There’s a side of you that only I know… like the first snow on a summer night, you are an unbelievable miracle, a surprising moment.”
A miracle. A surprise. A marvellous wonder; was he singing about you or himself?
Another longer pause.
You looked at your best friends in uncertainty, wondering if it was meant to be an abrupt end. And then they began to play again, this time with Hoseok chiming in on the drums. It was a soft sound, one that could easily sound crass and unpolished, but Hoseok made it appear elegant, a gentle smile that hid a thousand secrets playing its own melody on his lips.
You had both your hands pressed to your mouth by the time Taehyung sang the final words, tears streaming down your face as your shoulders shook with the effort of staying quiet.
Taehyung stood slowly, never taking his eyes off you, strode to the edge of the stage, walked down the few steps, and sank to one knee in front of the light guiding him through life, pulling out a large, black velvet box.
“Swan… I’m really not good with words, but I wanted to give you the proposal you deserved. You’re my best friend, and the time we spent apart back then really put things in perspective for me.”
You were blinking at him, wiping at your cheeks before you noticed the smudge of smeared make-up on your thumb. You didn’t think the tears would subside anytime soon. Happiness had never felt this celestial before.
“You’re my endgame, you’re it for me, and you’re the one I want to be tied down forever. I know we did things a bit backwards, but with you, it all feels so right.” He paused, took in your expression and the way you worried your lips. And then, he popped the question. “So… if you haven’t changed your mind…will you still marry me?”
A brief silence followed Taehyung’s rushed words, not sounding like he’d practised for hours, writing and rewriting his proposal, even though he most definitely had. Before long, however, you eliminated the tension by breaking out into a loud sob, launching yourself off your chair and into his arms, holding him as close as you could.
“Yes, yes! A thousand times yes, of-freaking-course, I’ll marry you!”
Your and Taehyung’s lips met in a tear soaked kiss, both of you crying tears of happiness as the patrons around you and your friends on stage clapped happily for you. The beginning of your happily ever after started now.
And the deal of this happily ever after would seal today.
Taehyung has prepared his vows and made sure everything goes perfectly; there’s no way in heaven or hell that this day will go down the drain. But the rapid beating of his heart doesn’t calm down – not when he slips into his suit jacket. Not when he waits at the altar, drawing deep breaths.
Especially not when you finally show up, drenched in the spring sun as you stroll between the rows of guests. You don’t recall whose idea the open wedding was, but when you look at him from afar, your knees nearly buckle – because the scene, flowery, sunny and serene, must have popped out of a fairytale.
Is this the man you’re marrying? A being of heaven, descended just to be yours for an eternity? Who up above allowed him to steal your breaths like this?
You flash him a frisky smile, resisting the urge to wave as though you’re meeting him for a date to the museum. Instead, you wink before averting your gaze, fixing it on your three-old-daughter instead who follows your steps slowly. She’s carrying a basket around her wrist and a small, chubby hand throws flowers to the ground.
She thinks she’s reaching far above, showering you and everyone around you in the soft petals; but in truth, she’s merely jumping in place and covering the grass underneath your feet in roses and pink dahlias.
“There they are,” Taehyung breathes, his eyes darting between you and Ara.
Her actions make him chuckle, and once she detects him, she grins back, a full set of teeth blinding him before she waves in your stead. Taehyung’s large palm imitates her gesture kindly, and the picture of his daughter enjoying her own parents’ wedding fills him with strange warmth. Distracts him for a small moment.
And then, you finally step in front of him, hiding the tremble of your body as you gulp and greet, “Hi, you.”
“Hey, there,” Taehyung chuckles, folding his hands tighter to not reach out and pull you into him right there and then. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks. But you’re prettier.”
“Wanna bet?”
“I–”
“Guys,” Candy’s voice sounds from behind you, scolding you through gritted teeth, “you know where you are right now, right?”
Taehyung and you both laugh through your embarrassment, and it seems that the audience in the first row has heard, too, because they join in gleefully. It takes a moment for the guests and you to fall out of laughter, and you straighten your stance as your eyes flick back to him and the ceremony begins.
His eyes remain dreamy, unblinking, and he takes in every little spot on your face carefully. To say his heart is bursting out of his chest is an understatement if he’s ever uttered one. The words spoken fade into the background, with your breathing becoming the main attraction at this place.
The way you hold his stare. The slow fall and rise of your chest. Your painted lips smiling, the shimmer in your eyes glittering more with the sun rays hitting you just right.
When it’s your turn to speak your vows, you almost whisper them – forgetting that a hundred guests and more are listening, leaning in to take in your words better. But much as on the opera stage years ago, the world vanishes and puts its spotlight on him and you.
Nothing exists, and nothing matters, except the little existence clutching your dress; interrupting the ceremony with questions here and there. Her excited, high voice sounds through the place, eliciting a few giggles from the audience; Ara looks at them carefully, nearly shyly.
She doesn’t understand what exactly is happening; just that “Mommy and Daddy are gonna knot the tie!”
You’re here to tie the knot, of course. But for your baby, you’ll knot whatever ties she wants.
Her error makes you laugh, which makes her laugh, which fills the air with laughter – and you wouldn’t want to let it die for anything in this world.
When everything is said and done, Taehyung finishes his speech in the most profoundly beautiful way you can ever imagine. And when the beat of your heart aligns with his, he, surprisingly, adding to the fire blazing in your chest, whispers into your ear, “More later.”
You don’t ask him what he means – don’t prod or gasp; knowing Taehyung, he still has a surprise up his sleeve that’ll astound you more if you decide to wait.
So you kiss him tenderly, transforming your love into an eternal bond, locking it in a chamber of your heart and throwing away the key.
You look at him – Kim Taehyung.
Your husband Kim Taehyung.
“I first met Swan when we were in high school.”
Candy’s initially timid voice gains on volume the moment she finishes the first sentence. With a hand planted on her growing tummy, she smiles, continuing, “Till today, she is still one of my best friends and I am incredibly honoured that she let me make this day that much more special for her. And…”
Tears form in her eyes immediately; she didn’t think her emotions would get in her way this fast, but when they do, she laughs with wobbly lips, saying, “Oh gosh. I practised so I wouldn’t cry today. I’m sorry babe, I’m just so happy for you!”
She lets out a weak giggle, dabbing at her eyes delicately with an embroidered handkerchief.
“Well, since I’ve already gone off script, might as well scrap the whole thing and wing it, right?”
You let out a watery laugh of your own to match your best friend’s, wondering how she’s always able to make you laugh, even during the darkest times – namely, when you were apart from Taehyung.
“There’s so much Swan has done for me that we’d be here until my water breaks if I list them all, so I’m just going to thank her for being a constant in my life and for introducing me to my wonderful husband.”
She points to Hoseok in the crowd and he lifts his flute of champagne with a laugh so tender, so in love that it makes you miss the man who’s sitting right beside you, clutching your hand.
“Tete, Swan, you two are the actual cutest couple to exist, barring me and Hobi.” Candy laughs, sniffling. “Few know this, but Swan and Tete went through a rough patch a few years ago, but I never stopped believing in them. Because when you have a love that’s as strong as theirs, you don’t give that up without fighting for it tooth and nail.”
You nod along with her words, sharing a glance with Taehyung who mouths something to you, squeezing your hand and shifting closer to your form.
You remember. Still know about the mistakes you two made, failing to communicate and walking through the heartbreak until you landed back in each other’s arms. Forgetting about each other had never been an option – and sitting right here, right now, you’re happy that you did just what Candy reminisces about.
“They fought for it, against all odds. Life has thrown so much at them, but they never gave up, and because they didn’t give up, we’re gathered here today to finally celebrate their official union.”
Candy pauses to press her handkerchief against her eyes, sobbing shamelessly.
With a giggle, you stand up, vision blurred by the tears that continue to fill your eyes and make your way to where your best friend is crying on the stage, taking her shaking body into your arms and holding her tightly. Candy sobs into your shoulder, gripping onto your forearm as emotions overcome her, microphone held loosely in her free hand.
Together, the two of you sway in each other’s embrace, not caring that there are cameras pointed at you, capturing your tearful moments and dramatic friendship – because right now, you and Candy are two best friends who have braved the cruellest heartbreaks life had to offer and lived to tell the tale.
“I’m so sorry about that,” Candy begins shakily when she composes herself. “I’m not usually a mess, but I’m sure my husband and friends would love to disagree,” she chuckles. You squeeze her hand, smiling gently at her.
“What I was going to say is that Tete and Swan haven’t had it easy, and it’s only because they were able to have their happy ending after fighting for it for so long that I’m able to joke about it and say that they were absolute boneheads. Seriously, you two, it was like I was watching a drama with the amount of problems you had.”
You laugh, teary eyed, regarding Taehyung’s sitting form who smiles up at you, throwing a flying kiss into your direction, for both of you. You know Candy is pouring out her heart and love she houses for you – but with her words, you walk down memory lane with a soul floating so high above that you don’t want the moment to end.
Despite the heartbreak you experienced in the early stages of your and Taehyung’s relationship, you can’t help but feel a bittersweet sense of nostalgia at the pictures of a distant yesterday.
“But that’s the beautiful thing about it. Life has a funny way of working. You think after seeing how well Tete and Swan work together now that they should have gotten together from the start, but that’s not true. In high school, they were better off as friends. If they’d gotten together then, we wouldn’t be standing here today celebrating their marriage. They needed to grow up and have some time apart to think about what they meant to each other before they were able to finally fit together like kimchi and rice.”
Somewhere in the crowd, Jungkook cackles loudly at Candy’s comparison of your relationship with your husband to food, but you only grin – you couldn’t have put it any better.
“Anyway, I’ve probably overstayed my welcome up here, so please join me in congratulating my two best friends for finally getting married!”
Candy turns to you as she finishes her speech, eyes sparkling with more unshed tears and a smile that melts your heart before drawing you into a hug, her pregnant belly pressing against yours.
You can’t wait for her child to play with Ara – can’t wait for your toddler to lecture the younger baby on how to live life, show what experience she’s already collected to be a bigger and older sister to her.
The future holds so much, and you can’t wait to see it unfold.
But for now, you focus on the way Taehyung emerges from his seat and rubs his hands. He’s long discarded his suit jacket and draped it over his chair; he’s rolled up his sleeves the way he always does, the tie a little more loose than before as he approaches you where you stand.
With a pat on your back, Candy leaves the stage, her cue to let everyone’s attention shift to the couple of the night. And you expect Taehyung to stop in front of you – imagine him kissing your tear-stained cheek, asking you to dance with him. But instead, he lets your fingers intertwine and pulls you to the piano in the middle of the stage.
Odd.
“What are you doing?” you whisper, baffled and surprised, not expecting anything more as the night approaches its end.
But he winks at you, the same sheepish grin spreading on his face that you used to smack away from you back in high school. He looks younger when he looks at you like this – reminds you of when you were friends, supposed to be friends. Living every day as it came, suppressing the feelings you hid for each other deep inside you.
“I told you more later,” is what you get as an answer.
Nervousness spikes your heart, and you let out a small but shaky laugh; you don’t know what he might still have planned. Does he want to continue the toast? Is he going to play your favourite piece, let you sing along?
Are you going to cry again?
A thousand questions ghost in the wrinkles of your brain, but you decide to wait. And apparently, the entire hall is holding its breath, because you hear birds chirp and stars explode – when you gaze across the ocean of guests, you see confused faces here, knowing smiles there.
The boys must know what he’s doing. Candy must, too, because–
“Swan.”
Taehyung’s voice, amplified through the mic in his hand, pulls you out of your thoughts. His fingers hold the object delicately, almost pressed against his lips. You know he’s exhausted after the taxing day, but his eyes are sober, piercing your heart.
He takes a seat on the piano bench, placing the mic next to his leg before he speaks directly through the smaller one attached to the piano, “One promise isn’t enough.”
“What–”
You place your hands on the smooth surface of the piano lid, still awaiting the big reveal as you step closer. There are a few sheets he’s prepared, but you haven’t peeked at them yet – anytime you try, he hides them from your vision, and you reckon it’s the surprise he prepared after all. Who are you to ruin it?
“I don’t know who invented the idea of wedding vows, because… I want to promise eternity to you every single day. I want to vow to love you until the very last day… or until you’re sick of me.”
You laugh, and the tears never stop – your chest is filled with the intensity of the moment, and you think you might just spend the entire night and week crying; the people you love need to stop planting roses and rainbows in your heart.
“I’ll never be sick of you,” you whisper, balancing your weight from one leg to the other.
Taehyung smiles at you, basking in the feeling that your words were directed to no one but him, and no one heard them but him. But he needs to declare everything you ignite in him; heck, the whole goddamn world needs to know.
“I want to tell you all the freaking time what I worship about you. What you mean to me. The little things you do that are engraved in my mind… Like.” He pauses, smiles down to his hands for a moment; and when he looks at you again, his waterline is red and the corners of his lips quivering. “The way you intertwine your fingers behind my back when you hug me.”
You know that you do. It’s a way to keep him close – to attach him to your body as if he’s a missing puzzle piece.
“And when you look at me like I’m the only light in the world,” Taehyung continues; the silence in the hall is nearly palpable. Everyone’s hanging at his lips, listening carefully. “I love it when you hold back your tears when watching Inside Out and the way you coo at me when you want me to eat something, because you’re so used to doing this with Ara.”
In the crowd, you find Ara sleeping in the arms of Taehyung’s mother. She’s not aware of the sappy confessions going on before her eyes. Doesn’t realise how integral of a part she is, how much she matters; how much she glues your little family together.
By now, you’re sure you’ve lost all remaining liquid in your body – but somehow, it keeps escaping your eyes and down your cheeks, dripping onto your dress like rain. Your fingers twitch at your sides, urging you to reach out, screaming at you to press yourself against him, in front of every single existence breathing in this room.
But instead, you listen, and he continues, “I’m sure every husband says that to his wife, but… you’re the only one who knows every single one of my fears. And the only one who’s forgiven me when I acted led by them. It’s like a river of poetry flows out of you, and I’m… genuinely not kidding, because me babbling all this stuff like a bard is just possible, because you make me think this way.”
He laughs through his sobs when you do, and his torso and voice shake, fingers wiping at his tears before they fall onto the piano keys gently.
“I’m a fool so in love with you that I still feel like I haven’t said enough, and I’m sorry. I just can’t go a day without you… and I can’t stop falling for you deeper. And I…” Another brief pause clutches your heart, because he’s sighing, smiling, sniffling before he finishes with, “I can’t stop looking at you… ever.”
And then, the back of his hand rubs against his cheeks one more time, clearing his vision before he whispers that what’s about to come is for you – before taking a deep breath and playing the very first notes.
For a moment, you freeze.
A few seconds pass, and your mind whirs – you feel like you know the melody. You’ve heard it somewhere – in a café? At a party? Is he playing the acoustic, piano version of a song you’ve danced to?
No.
You think you know when you heard it last – sometime in the very distant past. Back when you’d received the most precious Christmas gift anyone could have crafted for you. When you were still innocent teenagers, worried about homework and exams and strict teachers and an uncertain future.
When his heart was already beating for you but hiding his feelings behind the curtain that you called friendship.
The song is soft and tender. Healing. Inhabits all comfort in the world, feels like coming home. And when you finally step closer, rounding the piano and glancing at the sheets, your heart hammers against your rib cage until it shatters.
Swan’s Song.
Your song.
The song he wrote just for you – modified and reprised, after more than a damn decade. Still yours, attaching itself to new and even better memories.
Shit.
Just like in your younger years, his eyes follow the movements with a parted mouth, concentrating on the lullaby he was playing just for you. Back then, he’d told you it reminded you of what you were made of. Warmth. Richness.
He’s expanded it now – in high school, it wasn’t quite done, but now, it’s a full song rivalling all the composers you view as your role models.
And then, it’s over.
Thunderous applause follows the last note and the silence right after, and you plummet on the bench next to him, your hands grabbing his cheeks immediately. You ignore the shouts and cheers, crying and sobbing, probably making faces that are utterly ugly.
You press a kiss against his lips, shaking your head, entirely in disbelief as you ramble, “When did you– have you… was that?”
“You remember, right?”
“I remember, fuck, I remember, I–” You squish his face and laugh, pecking every spot of his skin, dry or damp. “You’re absolutely crazy for this, Tae.”
“Aren’t I?”
“Entirely. I want to hear it again. Every day, okay? You’re not allowed to fall asleep before playing it for Ara and me and–”
“Every single day?”
“For the rest of our lives.”
Taehyung falls silent. Breathes out through his nose and pulls you closer, blinking slowly in peace and serenity as he relishes your smile and your words.
And then, quietly, he confirms, “For the rest of our lives.”
As days and months and years pass, the rest of your life feels exactly the way you imagined it – like a journey without a destination. Exciting and new, unexpected and delightful.
Even the moments you spend crying and in fear get tattooed into your memory and leave a lingering trail of nostalgia. When you think back to them, you realise that the wonders of life and its ups and downs are what make you so painfully human.
You wouldn’t have it any other way.
Not long after Ara’s fourth birthday, nature goes insane. Thunder pulls you out of sleep before the soothing sound of the rain pushes you towards dreamland again. But different from you, Taehyung doesn’t stay asleep.
Instead, he wakes up when a boom of particularly loud thunder reverberates throughout the apartment, his body jolting up and off his bed before he rushes to your daughter’s secluded room.
He doesn’t think she’s ever experienced a storm of this magnitude this consciously; the ones when she was still a baby have probably escaped her memory. And in his eyes, she doesn’t need to suffer through her first vivid one alone.
When he enters her room, he finds her half awake, her small fist rubbing her eyes as she calls, “Mama?”
“No, baby,” he whispers, taking a seat at the edge of her bed before he pulls the blanket off her face, “it’s me. Are you okay?”
“Uhm…”
“Wanna come with me and talk a little?”
She’s exhausted, the corners of her mouth having dropped, and even in the darkness, Taehyung sees that she must be close to crying. She’s a tough one. A little brat. Teases him back when he jokes around; loves to plant her hands on her hips to prove a point.
But she’s just a kid after all. And with his offer in mind, she nods, sitting up with dishevelled hair.
Taehyung pulls her up with a groan, and she wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his torso. She exhales against his shoulders in relief, and as he carries her to his own bedroom, he kisses her hair, questioning, “Why didn’t you come to me, Ara?”
He’s told her on multiple occasions to wake him when she needs anything at all – but with the way the thunder rumbles, he assumes she didn’t want to leave her bed and step into the darkness at all.
She doesn’t answer, still too delirious and tired from lack of sleep. He places her between your body and his, tucking her in before he places himself onto the mattress. Propping up his head in his hand, he looks at the hand clutching the blanket, wondering if you’ve woken up already.
But your breathing seems steady and your back turned towards him, merely your side profile visible every time the sky lights up.
“Can I hug?” Ara asks carefully, stars glowing in her pupils as she blinks at Taehyung slowly.
“Hug?” he asks, placing a palm on her back before he pulls her close to his body. “Of course. All the hugs.” His hand pats her back carefully, and she digs her nails into his white shirt with drooping eyes. “Were you scared, baby?”
“It was loud.”
“It really was. Wasn’t nice, right?”
“No. Why did it happen?”
Taehyung takes a deep breath, humming in thought. He isn’t going to explain the rain cycle and precipitation to his four-year-old daughter who’s just learned the terms for shapes and forms. She still stutters when she speaks – so he might opt for a slightly easier theory.
“So… there’s Zeus. He’s a God. Do you know what that means?” Ara nods, pointing to the sky, and Taehyung chuckles as he continues, “Yes. That. He makes it rain… the sky is so bright ‘cause of him.”
Ara stays still for a moment; Taehyung thinks she might have fallen asleep again, but then she shifts, asking quietly, insecure, “Zoos?”
He laughs again, the sound a little louder than he intended, and pulls her closer before he confirms, “Yes. Zoos.”
“Can he stop?”
“Of course.”
“Right now?”
“Try asking him super nicely,” Taehyung suggests, brushing the soft hair strands from her face, “you know what Mommy always says how to ask for more cookies?”
“Nishely.”
“Yeah. Try that.”
She takes a deep breath against his chest, pulling out an arm between their bodies before she waves towards the ceiling and window and says, “Zoos, no rain.”
And then, a quiet giggle sounds from your direction. Taehyung and Ara both refocus, staring at your slightly shaking form as you attempt to disguise the laugh as a cough that you know he won’t buy.
But he doesn’t address it just yet; converses a little more with your daughter in a way he knows will make you smile. He’s aware that you’re listening, wondering what they might come up with next.
Honestly, one of your favourite pastimes is hearing them talk – it must be the most hilarious thing you’ve ever experienced.
Just yesterday she told him that she wanted to grow up to be like him – and when he’d asked what she meant by that, she said, “Want to wear your jacket and black shnake.”
The clueless gaze exchanged between you and him left you guessing what she meant, and when she pointed to her neck, it clicked; and with amusing crinkles forming around his eyes, he clarified, “That’s a tie, baby.”
And upon learning the new word, she’d repeated it until she panted, Taehyung escaping her rambling smoothly when he excused himself to the restroom – leaving Ara in your lap to eat your ears off.
Her body turns just a little, and she wraps a small hand around your arm, sandwiched between her parents and savouring the peace after the fear. She taps your skin lightly, wordlessly; but the movement soon slows, and when you turn to your other side to look at her, she’s fast asleep.
You wait until her breaths have steadied fully. And when you look at your yawning husband, he reaches out for you, brushing the back of his fingers against your cheek as he whispers, “Go back to sleep, baby.”
Your eyelids flutter shut, lips mouthing back one last love you with the recurring thought of how in love you are. With him. With her.
But the whole wide world is in love with Ara, and you’d be crazy to blame anyone for it. And funnily enough, apparently even the Greek Gods are.
Because barely five minutes later, the thunder stops.
Despite the fact that Taehyung and you have both taken off a week from work, you send Ara to kindergarten for as long as your schedule allows.
You’ve booked a flight for your very first vacation with her for next week, and with the errands you still need to run for it, you need a clear head and time. With her around, you know you’ll stop at every ice cream stall and give in to her little demands, wasting time and coming home empty handed.
But once the weekend is over and Monday rolls around, you find her pouting and quiet in the backseat of your car, refusing to talk with an annoyed expression carved to her face. Ruffling his hair, Taehyung leans into you, observing her statue-like stance in the rearview mirror as he asks, “Did something happen?”
“She won’t tell me,” you say, sighing in frustration, “she said she doesn’t like it there anymore.”
“Hmm. Think there’s someone being mean to her?”
“That’s what I’m trying to find out.”
As Taehyung pulls into a parking spot, Ara sighs in the most dramatic and exhausted way you’ve ever heard a child sigh, and with confusion lacing your features, you turn around, questioning, “Okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Idunwannago,” she complains, clutching her seatbelt as though it could disable you from undoing it.
“Why not?”
“I don’t like them.”
“Them?”
“Okay, it’s either kindergarten or taking away your favourite ukulele. C’mon,” Taehyung interjects, stepping out of the car and to her side before he’s carrying her out with a whine. “If you want to go home, you need to tell us why.”
She squirms and protests in his grip, but he holds her firmly, dodging her unintentional hits before he sets her onto the pathway, crouches and assures, “I’ll just talk to your teacher and then we’ll do whatever you wanna do, okay?”
Ara grunts, her lips jutted, but she gives in eventually, gripping Taehyung’s large hand. He nods at you, and when you reach the cheerfully loud place, Ara wastes not a single moment to hide behind her father’s legs.
The teacher comes strolling towards you with a blinding smile plastered to her face, registering your daughter’s presence right away as she states, “Glad you were able to bring her today.”
“Why?” you ask, confused and wondering. “She’s been grumpy all day. What happened?”
“Well…”
The moment her gaze wanders to the children running around behind her, a boy steps towards you, holding a shovel in his hand with his shorts covered in sand. He squints into the sun until he’s standing in Taehyung’s shadow, and you shoot your husband a suspicious look as if to say, ”Maybe you were right.”
But the smile of the boy is so honey sweet that you melt just a little, his eyes wide as he asks, “Did Ara not come today?”
And before you can utter any further word, your daughter’s fury bubbles harder, and she emerges by a tiny bit as she declares, “Leave me alone!”
The teacher shrugs her shoulders, placing her fists on her hips as she clarifies, “They’ve been doing this for days.”
“Was he mean to her?” Taehyung wants to know, regarding the boy carefully – probably ready to scold him as kindly as he can muster.
“Not at all,” is, however, what she responds with, her sigh indicating her clear frustration, “but he does take her toys and runs away with them sometimes.”
“He has my softball!” Ara snitches, pointing at him; but he laughs at her, unbothered and calm.
And when he mocks her words, repeating them as a faint echo, Ara moves forward, ready to unleash her fury before Taehyung holds her back and steps closer to the boy.
“What’s your name?” he asks, offering his hand with a smile. “I’m Taehyung, Ara’s Dad.”
“Sungho.”
“So, Sungho…” Taehyung starts, his voice gentle, sweet, and careful. “Why do you steal her toys?”
“‘Cause,” Sungho chimes; but then, he suddenly deflates, puffy cheeks becoming impossibly rounder before he adds timidly, “she won’t play with me.”
Your lips form an O, an unexpected laugh falling out of your mouth that Ara responds to with another offended pout. Blinking at the boy, you inquire, “You take her toys to make her play with you?”
“I’m sorry, Ma’am.”
God, the manners he has. Your heart rises and soars, and the way he scratches his head reminds you of pictures hidden in your own memory.
Taehyung turns to Ara, squeezing her hand as he tells her, “It’s okay to play with him, baby.”
“I want my toys back first.”
“Will you talk to him if he gives them back?”
“...Yes.”
It takes a moment and a soft dialogue between those three, Taehyung’s head darting back and forth between the children before he rises to his feet jovially. Ara’s reluctant steps carry her to her maybe-friend, and she keeps her distance from him in alert, eyes never leaving his mischievous ones as he offers her his shovel.
Short, preschooler fingers wrap around the handle of the plastic tool, and she presses it against her clean dress before she gives him the tiniest, shiest of smiles. He’s telling her about a cave he built in the sand when Ara gasps, telling him to wait before she runs back to her father.
She plants a hand and a dirty shovel on his shoulders, getting on her tiptoes before she whispers something into his ear. With each word, his smile grows wider, and when she backs away giggling, he shakes his head and says, “Is that so? Tell them I said thank you.”
And then, she runs away for good.
When Taehyung steps next to you, a proud, satisfied smile lighting up his countenance that you respond to with your own, you ask, “What did she say?”
“She said,” he begins, cocking an eyebrow with an expression hilariously boastful – it reminds you of the Taehyung you fell in love with, “her friends think I’m pretty.”
You laugh, leaning into him with a hand wrapped around his bicep. Leading him back to the car, you tuck back your hair, confirming, “They’re not wrong. You are nice to look at.”
“Thank you. Aren’t you lucky as hell?”
“Lucky as fuck. Imagine the most handsome man being your husband. I can relate.”
You walk down the pathway slowly, enjoying the sun, the light breeze and the miracles of life floating in the air. Errands long forgotten, you let his bicep go and seek his fingers, entangling them with your own before you tell him, “They were like you and me in high school.”
“Ara and Sungho? I mean, hey… I didn’t parade around you like that.”
“Oh, did you not?” you tease, and he presses into your hand painfully, chuckling when you yell out in surprise.
“Shut up.”
Puffing your cheeks, you take in your bright surroundings – this neighbourhood feels different from the bustling city. Since Taehyung and you left your apartment and moved into a house – for you and growing Ara’s sake – you’ve discovered parts and colours of the town that you only remembered from school trips.
Around here, people smile in a way unknown to you. The scent is different – flowery and fresh, somewhat nostalgic. And the warm hues of the sunrise and sunset; they feel new and reviving, too. You can barely believe that Taehyung’s office stands merely a ten minutes car ride from here.
Despite the occasional fights and struggles life has to offer – brief hurdles making you stumble – you never really fall out of the bubble of peace you reside in. Your existence on Earth has ups and downs – but you’re thankful that you get to experience them with the right people by your side.
As you step into the car and buckle your belt, your body is fully ready for a casual trip to the mall; eager to shop for summer clothes and sun cream… perhaps even an inflatable mattress and rubber ring for Ara.
But Taehyung, staring out the car, his fingers fiddling with the keys, licks his lips, pulling you out of your thoughts when he suddenly mutters, “I want another one.”
Another–
“Huh?”
“A baby. With you.”
You’re perplexed. Baffled and bamboozled; out of words and searching for a response.
“Really?” you ask, leaning into him, but he’s still looking at his hand and clenching his jaw.
“Listen, I…” he begins, and you place a hand on his cheek, making him look at you, “I know the last time was tough for you, and it took some time to get back on track, but…”
You wait curiously – you wonder when the idea grew in his head the first time. Wonder how long he’s hidden this demand, scared you might reject him, fearing you might wave off his wishes.
But it seems that after all those years of raising a beautiful being, he’s broken his patience after all.
“But I want another one with you… make this family bigger, because,” he shifts closer, letting the keys fall between his legs as his hands grip yours, “I don’t think I’ve experienced happiness like this before. And it’s fine if you say no, because I saw the issues that come with a pregnancy and after birth, and I really fucking love Ara, so I–”
“Okay.”
“I… really?”
“Yeah, I’ve been… thinking about it, too.”
And it’s true.
Watching Ara grow up has made you consider more than just once that she might have started feeling lonely. In her kindergarten, most of her friends speak about younger and older siblings; conversations that she carries back home with excitement in her eyes. And it’s happened more than just once that she muffled her voice under her shirt, averting your gaze and carefully mumbling, “Want one, too.”
You think it was only a matter of time when the moment finally arrived – especially with someone like Taehyung who’d dreamed of raising multiple children even when you’d been teenagers in school.
“You have?” he questions incredulously, prodding further. “Are you sure?”
“Is it really so hard to believe?”
“No, I just figured…”
“I know how much things sucked for a while, Tae, but… they don’t compare to what you two make me feel now. And I…”
A beat of silence passes, and Taehyung blinks at you, asking, “You what?”
“I’ve heard it gets easier with each child.”
Laughing, he bites into his lower lip, brushing back his hair before he places a finger under your chin and jests, “So if I asked you for three more…”
“Easy, tiger.”
Your laughter mingles in the suffocating air of the car, and his warmth floods heat into your body harder than the summer does – even after all this time of your togetherness. And when he lodges the car key into the ignition, the fire burns brighter and hotter when his voice falls a few octaves, stating, “The day is still long. Fuck shopping for now.”
You fall onto the bed with a giggle that overshadows the creaking of the mattress, hands clutching the sheets and eyes following his lax movements.
With two of his buttons already free, you gape at the clavicles and the golden hue of his skin. His eyes grow a shade darker with each millimetre he closes in, and by the time he’s crawling over your anticipating body, he looks like a predator hunting its helpless prey.
Whatever jungle he’s thrown you into, it appears like he hasn’t eaten for days, and with the hunger growling in his mind, he places a hand under your jaw; raises your face and bites into your lips just once before he asks, “Know what that means?”
You don’t know what that refers to. Neither can you muster the strength to decode his little riddle; but you still lick your lips in utter thirst, barely able to hold in your excitement as you answer, “More babies?”
“No,” he laughs, his voice laced with slight mock that morphs back into seduction all too soon, “I get to fuck you without a condom.”
“Beast.”
His lips ghost over your cheek and back to your earlobe, planting featherlight kisses at the back of your neck before his soothing, intimidating baritone assures, “Oh, I’m gonna unleash my beast today, baby.”
“Is that a threat?”
“A promise.”
“Please do.”
And then, he smashes his lips against yours, gripping the nape of your neck as he attempts to push you closer into him, ready to devour you whole. His hips, impatient and eager, roll into you slowly, and you breathe a deep sigh into his parting mouth.
He moves to the veins of your neck, butterfly kisses and soft bites setting you alight. Exploring fingers raise the hem of your dress, squeezing your thigh as he savours your gasps and moans. And when you lift your legs a little higher, his fingertips crawl along your skin, ghosting over your panties while yours bury in his hair.
You tug at the tresses the way he loves most, and he lets his tongue slide along your neck and shoulders. It seems that he’s struggling to settle on one spot of your body as much as you do – because he’s falling into the traps of your labyrinth and getting lost in you. Getting pulled in by you. You wonder if he still remembers the time and date.
He cups your tits and nibbles at your jaw, taking his time with investigating your body as if he doesn’t know it inside and out already; and then, he whispers, “Never change your perfume.”
“You say that… every single time.”
“I mean it.” Lewd kisses make your skin tingle, accompanied by soft, quiet groans that vibrate against your flesh. “Drives me crazy.”
His hair tickles your face, and you exhale with a sharp hiss – and when you open your eyes again, a silver-grey streak flashes into your sight. Internally chuckling, you blend out the feeling of his fingers against your clothed wetness, telling him, “You’ve got some grey hair already.”
You’re not certain how your words affect him, but when he presses the pad of his digits into your cunt a little further, you begin to crumble. You squirm, but he holds you in his grip firmly, his chest lowering and pinning your body underneath.
His tone lascivious and low, he remarks, “So do you.”
“But you… you look so hot like that, you…”
“What?”
“Silver fox, dadd–”
“I swear.”
He slaps your thigh in amusement, basking in your surprise before you fall into tender laughter. Despite his monstrous tendencies, your sweet husband seeps through here and there, and you don’t think you’d enjoy even the lewdest moments with him this much if they weren’t filled with airy lightness.
But once your giggles subside, the lecherous colours in his eyes return, and he states almost nonchalantly, “Gonna stuff that nasty mouth of yours.”
“Do it, you dilf,” you answer, attempting your best to keep your speech stutter-less, “I’ll suck you dry.”
“Bet you will, babe.”
You open the rest of the buttons of his shirt in an agonising pace, letting two remain that hold the shirt together with all their strength. You brush your palm along his toned, naked chest, graze his rapidly beating heart while he begins to work on your dress.
He pushes down your dress and discards it along with his shirt within a moment, his hair falling into his eyes as he looks at you with a gaping mouth. Keen hands take off his jeans and throw them to the back of the bed, and once you detect the strain in his underwear, drool collects on your tongue immediately.
Kneeling over you, he touches the length resting sideways slowly, tainting his underwear with his precum as his free hand kneads your tits. It trails down to your belly button and follows the lines of your stretch marks, puffing out a breath before he claims, “Fuck… how do you just… breathe and get hotter?”
He pinches your nipples between his fingers before his palm wanders on, pulling down the straps of your bra as you shift. Smoothly, you unclasp it behind your back, smirking slightly as you answer, “It’s the mom glow.”
“Can’t deny.”
And that’s the last statement you get before he’s discarding his underwear, too, the dick slapping against his stomach, so scrumptious and smooth that you let out an involuntary whine. You clasp a hand over your mouth, and he laughs with his lips between his teeth; shifting closer until you're propping up your body on your elbows.
“Aren’t we ready?” he whispers, stroking his cock as you watch his balls harden.
He’s going to be the death of you.
“Salivating.”
“Open up then, sweetheart.”
Yeah, you’re sure he’ll be the death of you.
You stretch out your tongue, staring into his hooded, dark eyes as you plant your hands into the mattress tightly. Taehyung doesn’t waste a moment before he’s tapping your tongue with the heaviness of his cock, running the tip along your taste buds to spread the tiny ropes of cum thoroughly.
You twirl your tongue around his head, kissing the warm muscle, and before he knows it, you’re wrapping your lips around him, hollowing your cheeks. You try to muster the strength to work on the base of his length, but you’re positively trapped, prone to falling once you lift your arm.
So instead, you bop your head back and forth slowly, taking him in as much as your throat possibly allows; and with the way he starts to move his hips, he guides you efficiently anyway. Your tongue swirls circles along his thickness, swallowing around him as he grips your hair and pushes you towards him further.
Throwing his hair back, he murmurs, “Look at me, baby.”
“Mmmh,” you hum, staring up with a light line of tears. He adores it when you look at him like that – knowing this keeps your eyes locked on him as you gag and whimper, your body begging for more until he caves.
“Can’t wait to fuck you like this,” he tells you, chuckling above you with mischief glinting in his gaze, “gonna fuck you so good, okay? Yeah?”
You nod, and when the movement causes his cock to slip out and slap back with a lewd, wet sound, you’re panting; breathless but still in need of more. But when you attempt to reach out again, he pushes your hand away gently, moving down the bed again as he explains, “Not gonna come in your mouth today. Next time, yes? No wasting…”
He rids you of your panties and spreads your legs with a squeeze of your knees, kissing his way down along your stomach and your pelvis until he plants a tender peck onto your heat.
“You’re so fucking wet, it drives me insane, fuck.” Sliding a finger between your folds, he looks up at you, adding in a whisperl, “Gonna make another little us today.”
This should be illegal. He should be illegal.
Tantalisingly, he draws shapes and forms against the dampness of your pussy, low groans vibrating and burning up your deepest core. His digits ghost over your clit, the touch light and barely there; he knows teasing you gets you ready for him more than any frantic rubbing could, but right now, you need more.
“Are you gonna wait all day?” you breathe, placing your legs on his shoulders as you draw him closer.
“You really wanna be a brat, baby?”
“What if I said yes?”
“You’re testing me. I swear.”
But no matter how much Taehyung rolls his eyes, he gives in each time. And now, he doesn’t hesitate to nosedive into you, too, the sounds of his kisses crude and sinful; utmost torture of the devilish kind.
His nose buries in your pelvis and tickles your clit, and he takes in your scent as he wraps one warm around your squirming leg. Pushing it off his shoulder, he pins it against the mattress, spreading you further until your arousal glistens for him on full display.
And then, he starts in earnest. Attaches his lips to your nether ones like a starved man, moving his tongue up and down in stripes until you’re yelling his name, digging your nails into his arms, letting him drink you up like he was born to do it.
The sounds filling the air are wicked, but his touch is divine; and when he keeps French kissing you like he’s tasting a cherry flavoured dessert, his thumb circling your clit, you yell out, “I’m coming… don’t stop, just like that, please.”
And as promised, your orgasm washes over you in waves, as though a storm is disturbing an ocean’s peace. Crushing, crashing, crass.
Taehyung’s tongue fucks you through your high until the sea calms, and when your muscles relax, your eyes open to him staring down at you. Rubbing the skin of your thighs. Fingers slowly coming down to plunge into your cunt for a moment longer, scissoring motions pushing you into oversensitivity.
“You good?” he asks, shaking the hair off his face before he leans in and kisses your cheek.
“I’m good. Pump a child into me, tiger.”
The laughter that erupts is brief but loud, and for a moment, you forget that you’re naked and under his control – with the rectangle grin in sight, he’s your personal sun. Comfort personified. The man of your dreams, walking outside of your dreams.
“You’re so…” he starts, shaking his head as he towers over you, leaning down just a little. “You’re the love of my life.”
He holds your gaze, watches your smile fall and give way to a dreamy, lost expression instead. You’re barely blinking, but you react when he rubs his leaking head against your dripping core. You gasp and sigh, your chest rising and falling hard; your hands grip his flexing bicep and hide his elephant moles, pulling him in to meet his lips.
But he doesn’t kiss you just yet; observes the movements of your body instead, pushing in his length a few inches. God. He never fails to render you speechless. Over five years of your relationship and two years of marriage have slipped by, but your heart still hyperventilates.
Kim Taehyung will never be less than a radiant star to you. No matter how many heavenly bodies exploded in your past, he lit them up anew and stored the galaxy in your eyes. The happiness doesn’t fade and the misery never lingers.
“Can I?” he queries, raising your legs up his torso.
“Please.”
He nods, shivering and drawing a breath. Your walls welcome him swiftly, but he slides in carefully nevertheless, his eyes darting between your face and where his cock disappears. Rosy, full lips parted, he buries his mouth in your neck, breathing against it heavily before he kisses you once and asks, “How does it feel?”
“So good… More, Tae…”
“Always the same.”
He lets his floating body fall onto yours lightly, lifting his face to stare into your expanding pupils. His hand brushes the hair from your sweaty forehead, and settles at your temple, and he looks at you so intently that you fear he might have forgotten his own name.
His hips come into motion cautiously, dragging back his cock before pushing it in up to its hilt again. Your walls engulf him as perfectly as your hug does his body, and you both become each other’s second skin, moulding to one single statue.
As Taehyung’s tongue trails down to your nipples, his body slams against yours a little louder, a little harder. Your palms wander along his sides and his shoulder blades, hugging him close as he fucks you into the sheets; lovingly but with punctuated, calculated thrusts.
“So fucking good,” you praise when your voice allows, your moans gaining on volume; your words losing their comprehensive quality. “Tae–”
“Your tits look… fuck,” he curses, gripping one of your moulds between your bodies again, “just look at you.”
Your body jolts upwards when he drills you further; his movements are sharp and hypnotising, his kisses electrifying and prickling. He fucks into you deep – doesn’t leave a spot of his cock and your pussy untouched.
He kisses your skin, bruises your thighs with his relentless grip – Taehyung has always lost himself in you too much. Always leaves marks of his nails in your flesh that you feel hours after. He knows it drives you into madness, even if he never does it on purpose.
Taehyung moves his body in circles and licks the corners of his lips temptingly, and with your eyes fixed on his plush lips, you whisper, “Can you kiss me?”
“Don’t ever wanna stop,” he admits, tilting his head, brushing his mouth against yours, “my pretty girl.”
And then his tongue is dancing with yours. The kiss keeps breaking as his body moves up and down above yours – but you keep meeting afresh, seeking each other, never getting enough.
Gentle love-making has never been this sweet yet powerful; whenever you get used to his lips on one patch of your skin, he moves along to another spot, drowning into you the way he feels you deserve.
He kisses your neck. Travels up to your face. Your lips, your cheeks, your eyelids. He keeps telling you how sexy you are, how gorgeous you are; repeats over and over again that, “You’re a goddess, shit.”
Taehyung worships every part of you, and he never hesitates to show you just how much. Every intimate moment feels like he’s seeing you for the very first time; like you’re unreal and fantastical and will slip out of his grasp if he stops kissing you.
He sighs and groans, damp hair grazing your forehead as your sweaty bodies collide again, telling you, “You looked so fucking hot when you were pregnant with Ara.” Grunting, his arms snake underneath your body, wrapping around your torso to pull you closer. “God, can’t wait to see it again.”
“Tae, baby…”
“Gonna do anything for you, okay? Anything at all.”
“Can’t… think.”
He puffs out an amused breath, and both your eyes reveal how close you are to tumbling off the edge. Deliberately, he lowers his voice some more, mumbling right above your ear, “You want to say something?”
“No. No, can’t–”
“Baby, I can’t wait to…”
The thought of you carrying his children is inexplicably attractive to him. The fact that it’s him who gets to build a family with you. Who gets to hold you like this. You’re the softest feather in the goddamn world, and he gets to write his own little story with you.
“Gonna take better care of you this time,” Taehyung mumbles; but his words clutch your heart and let it bleed. Does he think he didn’t do well enough last time? When he gave his all, sacrificed sleep, energy and work he still needed to finish?
“You always do, Tae.”
“My princess,” he calls, his voice shaky and delicate; emotions levitate in his eyes and between you, and you feel your guts turn, “so beautiful.”
“I love you, Tae, I really… real–”
“I love you, Swan,” he declares, clenching his teeth as though his love for you is overflowing and overwhelming him, “fuck, I love you so goddamn much.”
When his fingers roam your body, digging into your ass once more before settling on your clit, your walls contract and spasm, ready to let go any minute now. And he aids you in your quest the way he always does, thrusts penetrating your pussy as he works his digit around your bundle of nerves.
You scream out his name, tears of pleasure blurring your vision, your thoughts staggering. Spellbound and drowning, you feel your sanity slip, and before you can blink twice, you’re creaming his cock and throwing your head back.
“Oh my god, you’re,” Taehyung begins, holding you tight and solidly, “so beautiful, Swan.”
His gaze reveals exhaustion, but he remains steadfast in his motions, and only falters when he hammers into you two, three, four more times and…
Limbs shaking and almost buckling, he paints your pussy creamy white, emptying himself inside you before he sighs and huffs. He lets out a cough as his breath attempts to steady, nearly collapsing onto you before he shakes his head clear and pulls out immediately.
Impatient and eager, he pushes two fingers into your cunt before he presses your nether lips together as if he’s closing a sealable bag. You laugh when he proceeds to close your legs, planting them on one of his shoulders, and ask, “What are you doing?”
“Gotta keep it inside and maximise our chances.”
Your giggle continues, and you take a deep breath, letting your arms fall to your side as you joke, “Babe, the last time I got pregnant despite being on the pill. Don’t think what you’re doing is necessary.”
“Just making sure. You never know, okay? Candy and Hobi have been trying for a few months.” He shrugs his shoulders, smiling at you as he brushes his dark locks back. “It’s okay. If this fails, I’ll fuck you till you’re up the pole.”
You scoff and roll your eyes, wholly delighted and endeared, as you say, “And they say romance is dead.”
Taehyung grins at you sheepishly, patting your stomach, still sweaty and bare in front of you when his firm voice states proudly, “My baby.”
Seems like a husband can distract you from errands more than a daughter ever could.
“No fucking way!”
Candy’s voice chimes across the room, her eyes filled with pride, love, surprise and betrayal.
“You kept it from me for what… four months?!”
You throw a guilty smile into her face, staring between her and Taehyung as she leans forward. Her near-scream overshadows the busy yelling of Ara and Candy’s twins, and for a moment, the kids halt to look your way, big eyes blinking in question before you tell them, “Go on.”
“But seriously,” Candy scolds, folding her arms in front of her chest, “I’m hurt.”
“Candy–”
“A boy, you said?” she asks, shooting a look to where Taehyung and Hoseok sit, occupying the couch and discussing something in a heated conversation that you can’t make out from here. “Finally a little guy for Taehyung, too?”
“Ah, Tae doesn’t really…” You shrug, drumming your fingers against the table softly. “He doesn’t care about standardised clichés. He just wanted another little version of us, no matter the gender.”
“How does Ara feel about it?”
“Oh, she’s over the moon. She pats my tummy and tells him stories. Kisses it, too,” you answer, sighing and leaning back on the chair. Your stomach hasn’t grown too much yet, but you feel the fatigue every day. “She was alone for years. She’s not used to all this, so she’s more excited than Tae and me.”
Candy nods, stopping for a moment to warn her children not to break anything in your home, and then asks, “And you? How do you feel?”
As hard as your first pregnancy had been, this one feels light and easy; so far, you’ve been enjoying looking into the mirror and taking in the glow. Your skin has cleared, happiness written all over your visage, and worries dissipate as soon as the four of you come together as a family on weekends and after work.
“Happier than ever,” you tell her, pressing your lips in a tight smile.
“Good,” she smiles, getting on her feet as her eyes flick to the kids in the corner of the living room. She places a hand on your shoulder, and then ruffles your hair, adding fondly, “You deserve that, babe.”
And then, she’s jogging to her twins and Ara, shaking her head at them, standing around the spilled water like some toddler cult.
You stare at your sparkling wedding ring for a moment, turning it around your finger; and when you lift your face and shift your focus to the couch, you realise that he’s already looking at you. His elbow on the sofa arm, his palm cupping his face.
Hoseok has turned around and is taking in the scene between Candy and the children, but you and Taehyung keep your eyes fixated on each other. Take in each other’s sparkle. You smile from across the room; and he winks at you, sighing before his mouth forms a kiss and sends it your way.
Now that you think back, it has always been like this.
Even in high school, you’d come together in a group of friends that consisted of way too many people. But you’d always drift into his direction; his knees touching yours. His arm around your shoulder, your giggles filling the far corner of a room.
You’d be the first he’d ask for homework and the last he’d wish a good night. Nights spent video calling, walking along empty streets, laughing your way through summer rain. Your eyes lingered on each other, no matter who was around.
Even now, despite the committed, serious and earnest expression he wears in meetings and at work, he melts in your presence – because for a successful businessman, Taehyung is so, so damn weak for you.
Your song plays in his mind in a loop – sometimes the beat of a gentle symphony, other times the pulse of a spirited rhapsody – both of which, the rhythm of his heart is well adjusted to.
It has always been like that.
And it will always be like that.
thank you for reading if you did 🥺 this couple has been my everything for a year now and they deserved all the cheesiness. gosh, i *gets emotional* love them so much :(
if you enjoyed the fic, let me know and support me by liking, reblogging (!!) and/or leaving a comment/review! let’s talk some !! <33
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