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porcelain-giyuu · 2 years

Note

im not sure if this blog is abandoned d or not but I figured I might as well try lol

anyway, can i get your hcs for the nesting season au and the round up to five au??? pls and thankyou w a🍒 on top

ANON IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!!! this blog isn't abandoned, and it wont be bc giyuu is my special interest (literally just. giyuu. its kind of embarrassing lol) an I love writing. I'm just a fairly busy person and recently lost the entire outline for Of Many Colors, so I've been writing way less.

ANYWAY! of course you can have some headcanons, lovely!!

CW; mentions of canonical character death, some violence/injury, and minor warning for passive dismissal of ones own life

Nesting Season AU-

Giyuu is a very mellow omega, whose instincts have been mostly suppressed (something called Nulling, which can happen to anyone of any dynamic if their body shuts down for survival) so he hasn't really nested or pack bonded with anyone

he was raised by tsutako -who was also an omega- and secretly thought of her more as a mother. he was often very hurt by her joking about him being a "practice pup". as an adult he feels guilt over 'forcing' her to pretend to be his parent.

giyuu's instincts aren't fully awakened during the kamado's trial, but it's a close shot. he ends up furnishing two rooms in the water estate for the siblings but doesn't tell anyone due to a mix of confusion, shame, and defensiveness.

tsutako died when he was twelve and he stayed with his great aunt for five months before being sent away. the hunter that found him after he ran away was a friend of urokodaki's previous student, and thought that giyuu would be a good fit there.

giyuu's nesting instincts are fully kickstarted on a mission with muichirou.

basically, they're both heavily injured during a joint mission taking place in a blizzard. mui was impaled and cant move without taking a ton of damage, and giyuu can't run due to having a dislocated hip and multiple bones in his ankles/foot broken. giyuu finds a hollowed tree to hide in- to keep the blizzard out he must build a wall of snow in the entrance. they and mui's crow are stuck there for roughly five-ish days: in that time giyuu and mui fully imprint on each other.

after that, giyuu is much more prone to aggressively taking in children- even if he's super fucking awkward about it. it doesnt help that tanjiro keeps dragging people in to visit giyuu and his newly claimed son.

the kids aren't all fully presented, only genya, aoi, and zenitsu have started the process. the alpha children are nezuko, zenitsu, kiyo & naho of the butterfly girls, mui, and senjuro. the beta children are tanjiro, inosuke, and sumi. the omega children are aoi and genya

giyuu and sabito were courting each other for a long time, as in this au they went into final selection when they were sixteen instead of thirteen. sabito’s death is what nulled giyuu; and also vaguely impeded his development as an omega. if he had lived, they would’ve become the water pillars together and bonded.

Round Up To Five AU-

this au is overall lighthearted and tends to reflect that in the writing. the dynamic between uzui+his wives and giyuu is essentially “varying levels (all intense in their own way) of outward love and enthusiasm vs. very black and white autistic thinker who often forgets other people have Big Emotions too”

giyuu likes uzui, even if he’s jealous of his freedom and self-surety. the girls are kind to him when he’s blunt or doesn’t respond. he enjoys being around them all- very simply put he basks in their presences. they’re all too good for him, but they never push him away. he finds he doesn't feel too guilty about staying around them either.

meanwhile the Married Crew are actively including him in a bunch of their activities. they invite him to dinner, to celebrations and missions, and even just to spend time with each of them individually.

uzui gave giyuu his “ranking” of importance towards others lives, with his wives being the highest, giyuu being lumped in with citizens at second, then uzui last. giyuu misunderstands as he is the bottom, bc uzui didn’t specify. he of course delegates to who he believes is an actual hashira and gives his fuck-all to ensuring that the instructions uzui gave him are followed.

giyuu is a little dumb, but hell if uzui doesn’t admire a man who defends the lives of his beloveds with everything he has. unfortunately he’s also very frustrated with giyuu’s lack of care to his own life. him and his wives (who are suitably impressed with/curious about him) resolve to figure him out.

they end up falling in love with the crazy little fuck, of course, and shortly begin trying to invite him into their marriage.

giyuu is... kind of sure that they keep making passes at him, but none of them have actually asked him and he’ll be damned if he brings it up. if no one explicitly states that they want to marry/Romance him, he’ll just... not say anything. (if they actually asked he’d say yes at this point in the au. it’s been a few months and lots of development happens in their relationships)

the other hashira are either bewildered, amused, distinctly Unamused, or apathetic towards the shenanigans.

PS- sorry if these aren’t what you were looking for! i didn’t know what kind of headcanons you wanted so i just... went for it el oh el

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kaz11283 · 3 years

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hellooooo! congratulations on 100 followers!!

i was wondering, if you could write one-shot with “Hey guys, it’s me! The biggest disappointment you know”, loki × reader? thank you!

Hey Guys, It's Me! The Biggest Disappointment You Know.

Characters: Loki, Thor, Tony, Pepper, avengers

(Tony, Pepper x Daughter! Reader, Loki x Reader, Thor X Platonic! Reader, Avengers x Platonic! Reader)

Warnings: None, humor

Summary: you've been dating Loki behinf everyones backs for a few months now, your dad and mom find out about it and they are not very happy with the decision that you've made

ANNOUNCEMENT: I have been enjoying doing these one-shots SO much! They have really been helping me branch out and giving me more stuff on my master and I am absolutely enjoying the feed back so much! Thank you to all of my new followers amd my old ones alike! Please keep the requests coming! Most of the time these are only taking a day or two to put out. FEED BACK IS GOLDEN, REQUESTS ARE OPEN. If you don't see something you want or you want to send a diffrent one in its more than welcome too! 💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~~

"Loki, stop." You laughed as he kissed your neck. The theater room was empty, the two of you had put a movie on to watch while the others were away on a mission. He had been left behind because the rest of the team still didnt trust him in the field. Of course if your dad had known that the two of you were a thinh he would have let him tag along.

"Why must I stop? No one is here for now, lets enjoy what little time we have together." He said kissing your neck causing you to giggle more.

"I cant wait till we can actually be open about this. I just wish they understood." You sighed playing woth the ends of his hair.

"One day my dove maybe your father will accept me. Until then I'm happy either way." He smiled down at you.

"I'm getting to the point where dad ca-"

"Where your dad can- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Tony had walked into the theater room. You and Loki sprung apart, Loki to the end of the couch, you had fallen to the floor.

"When did you get home?" You asked standing up.

"I asked first. What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On? Y/n." You could see his face turning red.

"Kissing, we were just kissing." You stumbled over your explanation.

"Ah brother, you have decided to court the young Lady Starkling." Thor smiled walking into the room.

"Oh my god." You mumbled placing your face in your hand. "Oh all nine realms." Loki made the same gesture as you rubbing between his eyes.

"NO! NO, NO ONE IS COURTING ANYONE!" Tony yelled turning back to thor

"You, room, now." He pointed to his ans your mothers side of the tower. "You, your just lucky I haven't decided to kill you." He said pointing at Loki.

"See ya later" you waved at Loki before following your dad down the hall.

"No she wont!" Tonys annoyed voice came after.

"Brother this is good, she is a beautiful woman for you. She will not tolerate you mischief, possibly even put you in your place." Thor saod happily slapping Lokis back.

"I am sure brother whatever we had will end tonight if Tony has anything to say about it." He saod getting up to walk to his room. Steve stood there with Bucky watchjng what had happened.

"But if you know y/n she wont listen and shes still gonna be with you if Tony like it or not." Steve shrugged.

"But if you hurt her." Bucky shrugged looking at Loki. "You know the rest."

"This is absolutely embaressin y/n, why? Why him of all people? Hes no good!" Your dad yelled stepping out of his suit.

"Your gonna give your self a heart attack screaming and getting yourself worked up the way you are." You said crossing your arms.

"Hes killed people, hes tried to take over New York, for god sakes he brainwashed Clint! Theres no telling what the psychopath will try to do next! Your not seeing him any more."

"Dad! He was brainwashed, he was tortured. You've never been told that you wasnt good enough, thrown to the side, lived in the shadow of your brother! What do you plan on doing to keep us away from each other? You won't let either of us go on missions. You don't trust him enough and your to afraid that I'll get hurt."

"You'll just stay locked up here with Pep."

"Great so I'm the modern day freaking Rapunzel. Thats not gonna happen."

"Tony," your mom came and put her hand on his arm automatically calming him. "I remember a certain someone that my parents didn't trust or want me to be around." She said calmly. "And you remember what I did? I went with my heart. And out of it I have a beautiful daughter, who tends to take more after her father, and another one on the way."

"Don't lie, I gave your parents a crazy amont of money for you." Your dad said rolling his eyes.

"Tony!" Your mother said smacking his arm.

"Your not dating him y/n, end of discussion. I am very disappointed in you about this, not because its him but because you kept it from us. Go to your room." Tony sighed.

"Its not your decision on who I date, besides do you blame me for keeping it secret? Look how your treating not only him but also me." You turned to walk back to your room on the other side of the tower.

The next morning you was in your gray sweat pants with a gray tank top on and a emerald green zip up hoodie, you smiled to yourself as you realized you had on his color. You shoved your hands in your pockets as you walked into the kitchen where everone was eatting breakfast including Loki.

"Hey guys, its just me, the biggest disappointment you know." You saos walking over to take a seat beside Loki.

"Is this smart?" He asked leaning over to whisper.

You turned your head toward him and placed your hand on his face. "Everyone knows, I don't give a rats ass about what dad thinks, I want to be open and be happy." You leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. He pulled back with a suprised look on his face.

"Oh Jesus Christ y/n, intold you la-" your dad started as he walked in the door

"And I told you I wasnt going to listen." You looked over at him as you took a bit of your eggs.

"Like father like daughter." Your mom laughed shaking her head.

"Young Lady Starkling! You are wearing my brothers colors! The courting continues then!" Thor laughed as he slapped you both on the shoulders, both of you groaned and put your face in your hands.

After Thor had fully embaressed both of you it took no time for the rest of the team to join in, your father still wasnt happy about it but he could get over it. This made you happy; he, Loki of Asguard, made you completely and utterly happy.

~~~~~

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: I'm not gonna lie. I had this almost finished yesterday and for some reason the app gitched and erased what I had not saved (lesson learned) so I was honestly so irritated that I just left it to finish today. I am very happy with how this turned out. I am extreamly happy with all the feed back i am getting. Thank you guys so much! My tags are open as always! 💚💚💚💚

Tag list:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

#loki avengers #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki #loki and thor #loki daily #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki x y/n #loki x you #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #loki masterlist #loki request

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1990jeevas · 3 years

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Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

Note

My headcanon has always been that Alec figured out he was gay very early in life (I've ALWAYS been/I ALWAYS knew/I ALWAYS dreamed) which is... interesting bc visibility and representation must have been a huge issue when he was growing up. This sort of reinforces my interpretation that Alec has always been very in touch with his feelings and very honest about them (he only chose to hide/not act on them). Which is I think what Magnus figured about him from the very beginning ->

-> (it's rare to find a shadowhunter with such an open heart). Which is also funny and sort of on point bc Alec's siblings were widely mistaken about Alec's issues. It also explains why Alec doesn't have any major hang-ups about relationships or expressing his feelings, something a lot of viewers took an issue with (like why is Alec not emotionally stunted or things like that). That said, I keep thinking about Magnus and how he was exploring his sexuality. I mean imagine Magnus talking to his father. Magnus: I feel like I'm into both men and women 🤔 Asmodeus: Great! The amount of people you can seduce and murder has increased exponentially 👀 I mean, poor Magnus 💀

i feel bad for laughing at the asmodeus part but ur so correct hdbdudbdidndidndidndidn

and u know i agree with u 100% on the Alec stuff, this is a hill I'm willing to die on, Alec knew that he was gay since forever, he wasn't lying to himself, he just chose to keep it to himself. he made that very clear every time he talked about it too, i always KNEW i couldn't get what i wanted, I've ALWAYS dreamt, like you said. key words always, knew, and wanted. he was extremely aware throughout the whole process and i can't see it any other way. Alec is terrible at lying and that includes to himself, hes painfully logical and aware and hes been trained to pay attention to his own body/reactions/thoughts and approach them logically and dissecate them from the very beginning. theres no way he was oblivious to his own feelings, or else his lies in s1 wouldnt be so clearly bad.

Alec is, for better or for worse, painfully self aware and that's something i identify with, possibly the part of him i relate to the most. he's struggling because he know it's not safe to come out and he's decided that he wont, so he doesn't, to anyone. but he knows exactly how he feels and that that's his choice. then, when he meets Magnus, he's confused, not because he wasn't ready to face that he liked men (he knew that pretty damn well) but because he was questioning whether he really wanted to go through with his "closeted for eternity" plan. and there was the whole marriage thing. but he wasn't confused about what he wanted, not for a second. he was confused about what he was going to do, and how honest he could be to Magnus about it.

and like you said that's why their transition into a relationship goes relatively smoothly. if Alec were in denial, it would be a lot harder for him to go from that to the Alec we see later on, who is very emotionally available and open with Magnus, who loves him openly and unashamedly, who threatens Maryse to make her respect him and their relationship, who bursts into Magnus' house like "hello lets have sex". Alec can fit into a relationship with so much emotional honesty because he's always been emotionally honest. he just chose not to tell people about it because he was in a place where that wasnt safe

as for Magnus! I hc that his sexual discovery went like, relatively smoothly. I mean he was raised in a recently-colonized Indonesia, which. okay had europeans out there trying to ruin things, but was very open and accepting of both gender and sexuality, and didn't have a binary view of either. and asmodeus wouldnt care because like you can't tell me that demons and angels give a shit about gender, even if by some odd reason they did have a gender system that's exactly like the modern western european mundane one. so i think that growing up, Magnus didn't have a lot of issues with his sexual & gender identity. It wasnt like "figuring out" and "coming out", more like it slowly became clear and he was like "okay". not a lot of denial involved.

I've talked about this here (sexuality) and here (gender) and there i put more sources and everything so I'm... gonna leave that here rjdndjdnfk but i think Magnus' self discovery wasnt the problem, the problem was the shock of getting to England after the Asmodeus Yeet and seeing how different things were.

i mean, he was no stranger to queerphobia (he had a dutch stepfather after all) but when he was a kid, the dutch didnt really manage to colonize Java and interfere with their customs because the javanese empires were stronger, so they were mostly settling by going there to trade, same as always. so Magnus didn't really have to live in a time where people had to hide who they were

and then he comes back from Edom and it's like. you will literally be executed for this. what in the fuck. people meet in like secret underground clubs, terrified of making every mood. some dont even do that and suffer alone. no one thinks this is weird. people act like its always been this way. what the fuck

and hes struggling because after he banished asmodeus he thought he could finally be himself, you know? escape the need to like get his approval and the fear of angering him, get away from his gross, manipulative claws - you get it. he thought he could breathe and be out in the open and live his own life, but he can't, because so many parts of who he is - his culture, his origins, his gender, his sexuality, the color of his skin, his heritage, his powers - are being constantly repressed by the meat grinding machine of early capitalism and colonialism, and it's like, wow.

so Magnus never really lied to himself, either, but he did learn how to hide, and do it well. he doesn't have a lot of internalized queerphobia in the sense that he thinks it's bad that he's trans and bi, but one of the most prominent results of queerphobia in his life (aggravated by a thousand other things) is that hes gotten used to bottling things up and compartmentalizing himself and his identity. hes learnt to be what ppl expect him to be, and to show them only what hes safe to. its instinctive for him, to hide certain parts of himself, be it his immortality, his queerness, or his pain. and it's one of the reasons he struggles so much to be fully open and honest with Alec about how he feels. it's why it's so instinctive for him to stop everything and hide because his glamour went down. he knows that Alec knows about it, but he's used to hiding the parts of himself that people dont want to see

and that's without throwing Camille and her abuse into the mix (which i talked more about in the aforementioned links. like not to self promote but i am pretty proud of those asks so you know) and of course Asmodeus himself, and how they also taught magnus to hide his weaknesses, not be honest, "stop whining", cut off his own feelings and thoughts to please them. again i talked about this in the links. okay ill stop idndidn

in short, Magnus never really struggled to come to terms with his identity, but he learnt quickly that he isn't palatable, and he never will be - not to his mom (even if again i dont think she killed herself because of him, but Magnus believes it), not to his stepfather, not to his father, not to mundanes, not to the white european queer community, not to anyone. so he knows that, to survive, he needs to be able to bottle things up, and even if the people he loves work hard to convince him every day that this isnt the case (Catarina, Raphael, Ragnor, Dot, Alec) old habits die hard

#im sad now lmao #ask #anonymous #alec lightwood #magnus bane #alec lightwood meta #magnus bane meta #malec meta #meta #malec #camille belcourt is an abuser #camille's trash party #asmodeus' trash party #overflowing trashcan #long post #trans magnus bane

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guksauce · 4 years

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~TickledPink!~

Part Three

Pairing: Jjk x Reader Pregnant AU

Word Count: 2,641K

Rated: M

Book Warnings: Mentions of Sexual Assault, Mild Smut, Adult Language, Fluff City.

Author: @guksauce

Notes: Thank you to those that give this story and myself love 💖 This one was for Taehyung, getting to spread his wings and be the little artist he is!

Tag List: @jamkookies @jk97luv @1-in-abillion

All you know is whoever just threw open your curtains is in direct line of facing your wrath. Early, dramatically slanted, morning rays flood Jimin’s bedroom and your cracked eyes catch the way dust particles fall like glitter to the ground. The idea of waking up and having to leave this bed after Jimin had changed all the linen to clean sets last night, felt like a crime. His generosity spree came back to you in vivid colors; vibrant pink tufts of hair, borrowed fluffy white Chanel sweaters, smiling crescent eyes, and smoky white curled wisps of hot latte steam. Exchanging old stories about each other’s parents and home life from days gone by helped you to almost completely forget the argument you’d witnessed. The argument you’d caused. Jimin had begged you to not let it bother you so much and had shown you nothing but genuine friendship and support, that of which you would forever remain in his debt for doing so. But you would never fully forgive yourself for making a rift.

You couldn’t even be mad at the curtain culprit, especially not when his face was all the best parts of happiness embodied. Childishly puffed cheeks under smoldering taupe eyes, and heart shaped lips curved into a smile so unimaginably warm. He exuded a coziness so genuine it was impossible to feel anything but whimsical.

“Good morning Y/n-ssi.” Protests to even being talked to yet leave your throat in gargled groans as you cover your eyes, providing some relief from the sunlight.

“Good morning Taehyung-ah. What time is it?” Not that it matters, it’s obviously too early to care about times or anything for that matter. Tae’s mood is high above you, raining down in feathery words and soft chuckles. You feel bad for not being more of a morning person so that you could enjoy being rained on by Tae while being warmed by the sun, but he doesn’t seem to mind the groggy attitude you wear as he waltzes to the door.

“It’s 11am. I was going to let you sleep in longer, but I’ve been working on a surprise for you that I would really love for you to see.” Long strides leave behind the potent but endearing scent of fresh paint. It mixes with a familiar cologne and you decide that this is probably what Tae smells like all the time; art.

“A surprise for me? But why?” Before you can question it further, he’s taking your hand and pulling you from your heap of warm blankets and leading you out of the comfort of Jimin’s bedroom. It was the first time you’d been outside of his room since last night amidst the chaos and youd be lying if you said the air outside of the room felt sticky with remnants of tension. You squeeze Tae’s hand as you scan the halls and nearby rooms with wide eyes in fear of being seen by one of the other members.

“They’re gone. They went out shopping for the day, so you can relax.” The gesture isn’t a lot, but the way Tae slows his steps to fall in line with you and gives your hand a much needed reassuring squeeze back, keeps you from gulping for air when you think you might just break down in the middle of the hallway. “Ok! This is where you have to cover your eyes.” You do as you’re told and cover your face with your hands. Tae makes a sound of approval just before you spread your fingers enough to peek through.

“No, no, no! No peeking.” He laughs and uses his own hand to double cover your eyes. The sound of a handle turning is heard, as well as his voice behind you guiding you to the surprise. The smell of paint becomes more pungent as it fills your nostrils, along with a gust of cold morning air through an open window. There’s a dull ache in your head but its worth it when Tae uncovers your eyes and lets out a small “Tada!”

Together you stand in an empty room. Except it doesn’t feel so empty. Instead its full. Very full. Of what, you’re uncertain but you can feel that it holds something powerful. It reminds you of the feeling Jungkook and Jimin described last night; pure elation, as though you aren’t the only two standing in this room.

“Taehyung…You did all of this?” In this room stands tall walls similar to that of Jimin’s room except all of these walls are a beautiful lavender purple. Despite the overwhelming aroma of paint, somehow it morphs into fields of tall stalks of tiny purple flowers and the autumn winds turn into balmy summer breezes carrying tiny white dandelion seeds.

“Yup! We wanted to make sure you had a space of your own and I got to thinking last night that it would be fun to customize it for you.” Crisp white trim kept the room bright and the purple filtered out any harshness that an all-white room would have. It was comforting and calm and Zen.

“You really didn’t have to do this Tae. This is too much.” You say shaking your head as you take one last look around.

“Ah, what’s a little paint? It took no time at all and it wasn’t hard.” Taehyung watches you closely as you look around. He sees the moment your features change from awe to guilt; smiling eyes pointed up to the sky fall to your cheeks and a wide grin droops to pouting lips that you try to hide by walking to the window. He seizes the opportunity. “Damn it, I missed a spot.” He says through a full smile when you turn around. Taking in his appearance, you finally see the hard work built up on his clothes. His white shirt is forever stained with purple paint where he’d spattered it everywhere from the roller, and his black sweatpants artfully ruined with full on handprints in both purple and white.

When he holds out a paintbrush to you and the smile returns to your face, he hopes you wont mind being covered as well.

“You know, as wonderful as this is, I don’t know if ill be staying here. I don’t want to ruin Yoongi and Namjoon’s relationship any more than I already have.” You take the brush from Tae’s hand and stare at the bristle’s already muddied with wet lavender paint.

“I think you should stay. Just because Yoongi was mad doesn’t mean you are disliked.” Tae says softly and you nod. Turning to the wall, you dip your brush into the paint and smearing it onto the surface in patterns that look like the thoughts swimming in your mind. There should probably be a pattern. Up, down. Up, down. Or side to side even but you fill the white spaces with swirls and circles. Tae pauses and almost protests but tilts his head to the side as he considers this a window into how you see the world. He joins you with a lop-sided smile on his lips, trying his best to blend his designs with yours.

“This rooms been empty forever. I’m glad you’re filling it. And from what I heard from Jungkook and Jimin this morning, for more reasons than why you were brought here, they are too.” Out of the corner of your eyes you can see the way Tae turns his head to see your reaction to his words and you can’t help but smile.

“I feel like…I’ve tainted this place.” You admit and he bathes in those words, soaking up whatever meaning he found in them.

“Any family of Namjoon’s, is family of ours.” He says firmly, pausing to choose his next words very carefully. “It’s been just us for so long…I think for all of us its hard to imagine there being anyone else. But really its nice.” Tae peeks again in your direction to gauge your reaction. Your smile is thin and small but it’s there and that’s all he needs to push forward. “Sometimes we forget why we do what we do. Becoming more of an image for others has really blended in with the fame, you know? Sometimes things start to merge, and we get caught up in the work of it all and forget to remember where the power comes from. It comes from our connection with people. With our fans. With our family. With you. I think you coming into our lives has reminded us just how fortunate we are to be where we are and who we are and how we are together.” At this point, Taehyung has lost himself in his self-realization and his words get quieter as he begins to talk more to himself and less to you.

It continues this way while you each fill in the blank space on the wall, talking nonstop to each other. Mostly its Taehyung. His easy-going attitude and free-spirited aura breaks your wall of nerves. He tells you everything from his life on the farm with his parents, to his beginnings with the guys and how fond he’s grown of them over the years. His story is long and really you don’t mind listening because it’s amazing he’s even come this far in such a short amount of time. Your proud of him because really, it’s a lot and you can’t imagine having to cope with all of this fame and fortune and recognition at such a young age.

It makes you admire him a little more as you watch him fill in the last strip of white paint with the purple color, he picked out for you. For you…

“Thank you.” It’s cold on the floor where you’ve made a small nest in the protective sheet covering the floor. The paintbrush in your hand feels heavy and your limbs feel like they might fall off if you raise them above your head again. In hindsight you probably should have let Tae take care of the top half and you the bottom half but being next to each other seemed to work better for conversation.

“It was really no trouble Y/n. It was fun. Its been a long time since I’ve had another person to talk to. Don’t get me wrong,” He starts, wiping his hands on his shirt leaving streaks where more droplets fell onto the fabric, and turns to you on the floor. “I love my brothers. Their great and talking to them is always…well…great. But talking to you about my journey has been really new and refreshing.” Kneeling to you he smiles a thousand-watt smile that all but blinds you. “So, thank YOU for reminding me of who I am and who I’ve become.”

“Yeah. You’re welcome.” You see his smile and raise him a bigger one followed by a much-needed hug. “If anything, you’ve only given us a new layer of glue. It was a test of our friendship and it survived. Sometimes we aren’t so sure we belong together but its moments like this where we feel like we can. Like we Will.” His embrace is warm and welcoming and you’re sad you hadn’t gotten to know him a lot sooner. Curse Namjoon for being so-

“Taehyungie! We’re home!” Down the hall the lock on the door clicks and the handle creeks slowly. Jimin’s voice is the first to echo the walls of the apartment.

“Can you come help us carry in groceries!” Hoseok asks, the sound of his shoes squeaking on the hardwood floors of the foyer. Everything in your body begs you to run, the muscles in your legs clenching as you try to tug away from Tae’s embrace.

“Don’t run, Y/n. You don’t have to run.” Tae doesn’t know what’s happened to you, so he doesn’t realize the way he’s triggered you by holding you in place until you’ve frozen in his arms.

“I just...I have to get some things from Jimin’s room. I forgot to clean up some stuff and…and.” Footsteps approach your purple room and though being clung to makes your heart beat wildly in your chest, you hold Tae tighter the closer they get.

“Taehyung have you seen Y/n? She’s not in Ji-oh.” You let out a deep breath when you connect the voice with the face that appears in the doorway to your new room. It’s much brighter than the first time you’d seen it. In fact, Jungkook was glowing. He didn’t look plagued with sleepiness or twisted with anger at Yoongi. Instead he was fresh and glowing and…beyond handsome. Gently you step away from Taehyungs hug and wave awkwardly.

“Hey.” You say.

“Hey.” He responds, an adorable smile pulling at his lips. The way the sunlight pours in from the window behind you, it catches strands of his long hair and turns them to warm melting chocolate.

“I was just thanking Tae for painting this room for me. It’s my favorite color.” You smile fondly at Taehyung who bows formally like the little prince he is and turn back to Jungkook. He nods and takes another look around with his hands folded behind his back.

“It’s pretty. He did a good job.” He states, taking a step closer to you. The smile lingering on his face melts you into a puddle as you observe him. For a second you feel bad for leaving Tae standing alone in the corner of your room while you gawk at Jungkook, but he’s content with admiring his work. “And I see you helped.” Kook chuckles as he reaches up before he realizes what he’s doing and wipes your chin, revealing a purple smudge on the pad of his thumb when he pulls away. The gesture is harmless to everything but your heart. You flush immediately and laugh as you rush to start pulling up sheets from the floor.

“I did! It was really fun. Tae and I had a great time. He told me all about his family and how he met all of you and-. “

“What’s this?” The voice that fills the room isn’t smoldering like Tae’s or lifting like Jungkook’s. Instead its deep and layered with mild disappointment.

“I painted Y/n’s room so she will be more comfortable here.” Taehyung says with no signs of wavering as he moves closer to you. His voice doesn’t shake like your knees do.

“Mm.” Unable to read Yoongi’s emotion, you stay glued to your spot in the far corner of the room as his eyes scan the room before settling on the sheets in your arms. “Ill take those.”

“Um…I can take them…” Momentarily you’re surprised that he would even offer to take the sheets. Why would he want to help you after the unintentional tear you’ve made? No. Don’t. Tae said you…you’re the glue.

“I’m doing laundry tonight so I should just wash them.” This time when he holds his hands out in your direction, its no longer a question. He’s taking the sheets. You rush across the room, scooping up the last sheet on your way and keep your focus on the ground beneath you as you hand them over. He doesn’t tug them away from you like you expect him to. Neither does he make any sounds or signs of protest or disgust and really you feel like begging him to punch you square in the face for the trouble you’ve caused. Stop! Tae said you’re family.

“Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes.” Yoongi says no more and no less and it’s a blessing. A blessing because this is normal for him and normal is better than yelling at Namjoon or cursing at Jungkook. You consider this a win and bow softly as Yoongi departs, leaving the feeling of your new purple room in the same condition it was before; happy.

Part Two

Master List

Part Four

#writers #jeon jungkook #jungkookfanfic #daddy jungkook #bts dads #bts fanfiction #fanfiction #bts #taehyungie #taetae #kim taehyung #purple #jeongguk #tickled pink!#bangtanscenery

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scattered-imagination · 5 years

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Erasermic Headcannons

Some erasermic headcannons that I have been playing around with!

Majority of these apply to cannon BNHA universe~

Hizashi nicknames for Shouta: Starlight; Kitten; Sleepy Prince; My Dark Knight; Cupcake; Dearest; Hubbie; love of my life; my heartbeat;-> hizashi is very open about calling shouta nicknames. But the first three nicknames are special, and often used when Hizashi si being privately affecionate.

Shoutas nicknames for Hizashi: Sunshine; My Light; Songbird-> Shouta is very private about nicknames for Hizashi since the other means so much to him, his nicknames for the blonde are intimate. He does call Hizashi "Zashi" and "Mic" often in public, and sometimes a "Love" will slip out when around trusted people.

Hizashi & Shouta have 4 cats! Mochi-> she was Shoutas first cat after graduation. a rescue, Light Gray, a very good judge of character. Melody-> an orange Maine Coon that Hizashi found near his radio station, she loves it when Hizashi hums. BlackJack-> a black Japanese bobtail cat; he loves causing chaos and trying to steal food as it cooks. King-> sphinx cat; calm and always has a regal look on his face as if he is judging you. Loves wearing sweaters

Hizashi is actually allergic to cats! He takes allergy medication when it flares and gets allergy shots once a week. He loves cats but he loves how they calm shouta down and how shouta let's all his walls down around their fuzzy children.

Shouta isn't a bad cook necessarily... but after the "Ramen Incident" Hizashi has banned him from cooking alone. Any shouta cooking time has to be supervised by him or one of the kids. Shouta feels slightly offended that Hizashi trusts the kids in the kitchen more than his own husband

Hizashi & Shouta adopted Eri and shinsou almost immediately. Hizashi was not willing to let either child enter the foster care system, shocking the police officer who suggested it by screaming no and dragging the children back home. Shouta explained that they would be fostering the kids until the adoption papers went through. (As soon as they could Hizashi and Shouta became foster parents)

Shouta hates sharing Hizashis cooking with anyone besides their kids, even with their close friends. He loves watching his husband relax as he cooks, humming and brimming with confidence.

Shouta, whenever he can, listens to Hizashis radio show. Hes not a huge music fan, but listening to his husband passionate rambles settles something in him.

Hizashi loves listening to Shouts complain about class 1A, cause he can see the underlying love and worry he has for this new batch of students.

Shoutas ultimate weakness is head massages/head scratches. Whenever Hizashi wants his husband to sleep, he just lays the others head in his lap and gently massages his head and hums a soft song.

Shouta gets Hizashi to sleep by literally octopus cuddling him. Hizashi loves the heat and being held close, and almost immediately drops off into sleep. That's why he tends to keep an eye on Shouta when he wants to pull an all nighter.

Pertaining to above. This then becomes a game between the two where Hizashi jumps to a standing position, working on papers and running away from Shouta as the other tries to sneakily get close to his husband.

Hizashi's favorite song to sing to his husband is -> Say You Wont Let Go by James Arthur

Shoutas favorite song to dance to with his husband is -> You Are the Reason by Callum Scott

True colors by Anna Kendrick & Justin Timberlake is another song they love to dance to, and the one song Hizashi can convince Shouta to sing with him.

Shoutas Theme Song: Angel with a Shotgun by The Cab

Hizashi's Theme Song: Speechless by Naomi Scott

Their wedding song: Can't Help Falling in Love with You by Haley Reinhart (originally by Elvis Presely).

Nemuri was Shoutas Maid of Honor, and Kan was Hizashis best man, Tensei officiated the very small wedding ((he declared he was going to do it and called dibs!)). Hizashi wore a white suit with a red handkerchief, Shouta wore a black suit with a yellow handkerchief.

Hizashi and Shouta started crushing on each other from the first day they met. They started tentatively dating their third year, and got more serious when they moved in with one another.

Hizashi asked Shouta out; Shouta was the one to propose to Hizashi

Hizashi has a silver wedding band he wears on his middle finger; on the inside Shouta has "My Sunshine" engraved on it.

Shouta has a golden wedding band he wears on a chain around his neck; on the inside HIzashi has "My Starlight" engraved on it.

They dont wear their wedding rings in obvious places to prevent villains finding out about their relationship and using it against them.

Shouta and Hizashi earned the name Shout & Mute during a training simulation where they were teamed up and won the simulation.

Shouta still has nightmares from USJ, and whenever he wakes up, Hizashi is there. The blonde never touches Shouta until the other fully wakes up, as Shouta doesnt deal well with touch during times of distress. Once coherent Hizashi will softly hug Shouta and ramble about the events of the day to clear shoutas thoughts and mind, running his hands gently through the others hair.

Hizashi has bouts of insecurity and self-doubts, seeing himself as bad and useless (something that his bio parents and the foster system beat into him). Shouta can see when this happens, with how Hizashi starts biting his nails and fidgeting. In times like this, shouta pulls Hizashi close and whispers love and validation to the other.

Shouta will give public displays of affection if it means making Hizashi smile and cheer up

Hizashi respects Shoutas need for space and privacy, and will never bring a plus one to events or parties. He tells people that he has his husband with him in spirit, not wanting to replace shouta with anyone.

Shouta loves spicy food, while Hizashi hates it. But when they adopted Shinsou and Eri...both children took after his sleepy prince and adore anything spicy and full of heat. So Hizashi spent a whole weekend testing spicy recipes on his family.

And that is Part 1 for now!

Let me know if theres any aspect of my erasermic headcannons you would like to know more about! Send an ask, a comment, reblog! I love you all my listeners!

KEEP SHINING BRIGHT!

#young erasermic #erasermic plotbunnies #married erasermic #erasermic #eraserhead #present mic #mha hizashi #aizawa x hizashi #yamada hizashi #bnha hizashi #young aizawa #bnha aizawa #aizawa shouta #erasermic headcanon

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whitherliliesbloom · 4 years

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Wondrous Tails #4

Wondrous Tails SFW Entry #4 Prompt: Insomnia Characters / Ship: Illya(WOL)/Alphinaud, featuring..Fray.. sort of Mid-ShB, contains spoilers up until after the first dungeon of ShB 1,408 words

It should have been a victorious moment, a historical event that will no doubt be remembered by all in Lakeland for generations to come.

The arrival of dark, brought about by the might of the Warrior of Darkness herself. He had watched with his own two eyes as she absorbed the aetheric energy of the lightwarden into herself. And with a renewed expression of determination he’d not seen before of her, she thrust her hand up into the light-filled sky and banished it.

An era of darkness has come.. and though it truly is an irony that the hero that they’d call the Warrior of Light would be the one to oppose their very name here in the First, the Exarch was all too eager to kneel before her and beg her deliver this realm from utter destruction - as she had done for the Source before.

He knew not whether the Exarch had noticed.. but as a man who has stood by the hero’s side for many long summers, he caught a glimmer of fatigue in her eyes, masked only by words of pure altruism and bravery that she’s learned to recite mindlessly, and the confident little smile that only caused Alphinaud’s heart to ache.

It’d been hard enough to convince Alisaie to retreat to her suite to rest.. but even after he’d personally seen to shutting the door to his sister’s room behind himself, his mind was still frazzled with the day’s earlier proceedings - in particular worry over the white-haired lalafellin.

To him, she was more than the Warrior of Light, or even the Warrior of Darkness to the realm they knew as their temporary home now. She was his best friend, now partner, and the woman he’s come to think of as his very own true love.

He’d like to think he understands her, understood the strife and pain she felt, so that he could help shoulder at least part of that burden for her. It thus never ceases to frustrate him then, when she’d refuse to confide in him.

His heavy strides lead him through the eerily quiet corridors of The Pendants, no doubt the residents were enjoying their much deserved first dark night in forever. He isn’t too sure if he himself would be quite able to sleep with so much running through his mind, and just as he’d been about to resign himself to yet another possible sleepless night, he stops dead in his tracks.

She stood still, outside the door of what he believed to be her suite. The loose gown she wore indicated that she’d been in bed, or at least had been prepared to rest in bed.

But here she was instead, standing on her own lonesome outside her room, her head bowed so that the fringes of her pure white hair obscured her eyes from view.

“Illya?” His voice calls out softly to her.

Instead of being startled, or perhaps even hiding her face away from him as she is wont to do while flustered, the girl slowly tilts her head up slowly to stare at the young elezen.

All color drains from his face as he notices the very hue of her eyes - a dark blood red in exchange for the beautiful, glimmering violet he was used to.

And if the crimson of her eyes had not been enough, the very look in the girl’s eyes would have been enough to pierce a hole straight through his chest - had he not been any wiser on what... or who was in possession of her body.

“What are you doing?” all trace of gentleness in Alphinaud’s voice is replaced with a fury that has been boiling within him for the past few summers he’s known of Illya’s peculiar condition, a condition in which she is regularly haunted by visions of another man, both in the real world and in her very dreams.

From the rare occasions that Illya agreed to speak of her condition, Alphinaud had come to the conclusion that the ghost of a dead man has somehow latched himself onto her from sheer circumstance, a result of her kindheartedness, now backfired and used against her as this entity toys with her emotions and sanity.

From plaguing her with nightmares, to even hurting the people around her.. It’d be a lie to say Alphinaud has not toiled over tomes after tomes on what ways he could possibly get rid of his accursed man who tormented the woman he loved for seemingly no reason.

There was never any sympathy or care in Alphinaud’s glare every time Illya’s eyes turned red in the midst of battle, after all it was a mere result of this foul ghost exerting his control over her by force.

The man in question, Fray, merely scoffs and quietly tilts the girl’s head back down to conceal her face with her bangs.. and the blatant lack of response causes Alphinaud to grit his teeth.

“Why do you do this? Why do you want to hurt her so? Is it not enough to haunt her very dreams with horrid hallucinations? How much longer do you intend to defile her body until you are satisfied?!”

It takes all of Alphinaud’s last remaining shred of self-control to remind himself not to raise his voice, though every atom in his body begged to do so.

“And now.. you would deprive her of her sleep? Do you not know what she has been through??”

For a moment, he’d expected silence yet again.. In Alphinaud’s many attempts to communicate with this man, he has not once responded to him directly. He only ever speaks to Illya, and it was only to once more feed her distress. And when he does finally direct his words to someone other than Illya, he spoke to others as if they were a mass - a hivemind of nothing but bugs he could not care any less of. The complete opposite of Illya.

Fray is willing to trample on everything Illya cared for - from her dreams, her wishes, her bonds, her sanity, and now even her health. That was the only reasonable explanation.. the only explanation Alphinaud could accept.

“Idiot. You lot truly love to blame other people for all of the world’s problems, don’t you?”

Alphinaud admits that he could never get used to her voice sounding like that - to Illya’s voice sounding so..cold and devoid of the love and gentleness that was characteristic of her. No matter how many times he tells himself that this isn’t Illya, this isn’t Illya who is speaking.. that voice will never not claw at his chest and cause it to ache.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Are you that stupid? Are you not supposed to be her lover?” Her head turns upwards, crimson eyes spewing utter disgust in Alphinaud’s direction. “Perhaps it would wound you too much to think that this woman has always had difficulty giving herself in to sleep - and so instead of doing anything to save her, you would blame your own inadequacy on something else.”

His mind is racing too fast to keep up, to understand what kind of nonsense this man was spouting yet again.

And yet in his desperate attempt to brush Fray’s words off as nothing more than the mad ramblings of a sadist yet again, his final accusation towards Alphinaud pricked at him.

“My...own inadequacy?”

“Am I wrong? You of all people should have known, you of all the souls in both this realm and the Source should know better than anyone!” Illya’s voice rises, her head now fully turned up to glare at him.. and in a moment of weakness, Alphinaud swears that he sees a flash of violet in her eyes - hears not Fray, but Illya behind the disappointment and anger in those words.

Turning on her heels, the woman doesn’t bother to even cast a second glance back towards him as she opens the door to her suite.

She does however, have time to spare a few parting words of spite towards Alphinaud that he would spend the rest of the dark night mulling over.

“Her heart is weak. Too weak to bear all the burdens of this world. Like a cup, her emotions constantly fill, and fill, until it finally overflows.. and she begs me to release her from pain. If you will not save her, then I will.”

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #alphinaud leveilleur #fray #illya skawi #wondrous tails #fanfic #mine #alphinaud #we've come so far #sorta #dark illya #OOOOOOO THIS WAS SO BADLY WRITTEN BUT I HAD THE IDEA FOR THIS FOR SO LONG OOOOOOO

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reddogf13 · 4 years

Text

Escape: Aftermath Ch: 3

Waylon X Eddie

Summery: After escaping the hell that is mount massive, Eddie and Waylon had been patching them self's to fix the damage. Murkoff however is not willing to release patients that easy. A new Murkoff CEO is hell bent on getting their two experiments back.

status: complete

rated: M - fowl language, sensitive topics, and gore

previous chap: Escape: Aftermath CH: 2

next chap: Escape: Aftermath CH: 4

_____________________________________

~Ch:3 System shutdown~

Barker was sitting in his office, the place darkened. Only the lights closest to the door were still on. the other half of the room, with his desk, was in shadow. He was rolling a small jar on his desk, back and forth. Staring at it with a emotionless face. He stopped rolling it, holding it still when someone knocked on his door.

“come.” Barker said, keeping a serious tone and stare on the jar. A man walked in quietly, stopping when he was 6 feet in front of the desk. Barker looked up at him slowly, a glare forming. He was never happy to be bothered by lower ranking workers. They were all morons who wasted his time.

“we found no body’s.” the man said.

“where are they?” Barker asked coldly. He expected a real answer, or else.

“the river they went down lead to a town. We think they could be there.” the man answered.

“where are they in the town?” Barker asked. He knew they didn’t know and that his time was being wasted again.

“we don-” the man started, jumping when a cracking noise was heard. Barker had cracked the liquid filled jar under his hand.

“did you ask the towns people? No, wait, you didn’t. Because if you did you would be telling me wouldn’t you?” Barker interrupted with a annoyed growl. He set the jar upright from its side, wiping his wet hand on his suit. The man catching a glimpse of something floating in the dark jar when moved.

“we did, but no one would talk.” the man said.

“did you really try? Iam sure a white threat would make them be more talkative. Or did you try and bribe with muffins?” Barker said, looking at the jar. The man swallowed.

“i should have done the talking. Humans are so easy to read, such horrible liars. Simple body motions can give everything away about them. A simple glance of there eyes can tell a direction to search. Eyes are the window to the soul after all.” Barker said, popping the lid off the jar and reaching in. wrapped around his hand by the red roots coming off, was a fresh looking eye.

“they cant lie.” Barker said, playing with the eye in his hand. The man looked away, feeling sick at the image.

“ill go make the troops ask again.” the man said, taking a step back.

“why in such a hurry? It makes me think you don’t like my company. Why don’t you sit.” Barker said in a pleasant manner, gesturing for the man to sit in front of his desk. The man nervously pulled a chair out for him to seat.

“people don’t seem very comfortable around me. I wonder why?” Barker said in monotone, pulling something from his desk. In his free hand he held a sharp blade meant for slitting open packages. The blade had stains that were faded, but still dark.

“just, worker intimidation.” the man said, wanting to just leave.

“could be, but I think its something more. … eyes can be so delicate. Without a delicate hand they could be crushed like a grape and deflate from there nice round shape. They also need to be kept in a fine solution of liquid, or else they dry up and shrivel away. I used to make that mistake, putting them only in plain water. They would lose the beautiful color they had.” Barker said.

“you cant take them out for long either. Its sad, because you can only appreciate them fully when out of the jar. Or … when they're still in the skull.” Barker said. He looked at the color of the eye one last time before dropping it into the jar. The eye making a plop noise as it hit the water and sank to the bottom next to the other.

“ ive never met a pair of ugly eyes, always beautiful. I sometimes have trouble resisting my urge to pluck them out then and there. That would be rude though, I should at least wait till they're fully dead first.” Barker laughed. The man looked beyond disturbed from his chair. Barker stood from his chair, coming around his desk, holding the packaging blade in his hand.

“i cant just pluck them out either. Mite accidentally crush them. I have to carefully pop a blade behind the eyes and gently move it till the eye is removed. Smoother things like a spoon would be better, but a knife is needed to cut the roots.” Barker said, disappearing from the mans view as he went behind him.

“The roots are tougher then they seem. even if its messier to use a knife, I think its worth it. Don’t you think?” Barker said.

“y-yes.” the man, said. Startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Barker patted his shoulder.

“good, glad you agree. You may go.” Barker said happily, walking back to his desk. The man got up quickly with a sigh hidden under his breath.

Barker heard the door close as he grabbed the cracked, slowly dripping, jar. He smiled at the eyes floating in the jar. He walked to a metal door behind his desk, opening the door to a brightly lit white room. The room was filled with tightly packed shelf’s. Covering them were neatly placed, lighted green, jars with a pair of eyes in each. Some having labels with names on them.

Barker went over to a narrow cabinet. He opened it and pulled out a liquid filled empty jar. He switched containers for the eyes, bringing them over to a lone empty space on one shelf.

“if his eyes were just a bit brighter. You would have had a new friend.” Barker said to the eyes, a grin growing as the orbs floated.

*meanwhile*

Waylon was rubbing the back of Eddies neck. he was sleeping above Waylon again, tangling him in his arms. He would have rubbed his back, but was afraid of catching the stitches. It was still early in the night, but Waylon couldn’t sleep since he woke up.

His mind had been buzzing with thoughts. A single question haunting him.

“should I stay with Eddie?” Waylon questioned. Waylon was beginning to doubt the love between them to. His mind keeps telling him that he does, but is it true. What if it was just because of Stockholm syndrome. When he thought about it, was he afraid of leaving because he would be truly heartbroken.

He couldn’t think of that as the main reason. He was just too afraid of Eddie to leave. that was more a sign of spousal abuse then love. He could sneak away, but other things were stopping him. He was having a war with two parts of his mind, one wanting to leave the other to stay.

“you cant leave him, not after everything you’ve been through.”

“yes you can, you don’t owe anything. You both went through hell, but that’s all. Other patients suffered it, should you be with them? You're just afraid to leave him.”

“no iam not.”

“yes you are. You’re afraid that he'll attack you, and that once you leave you’ll be alone. That’s a unhealthy way of thinking. You could meet other, normal, better people. You wont be alone out there.”

“i cant live a normal life with people. Things have changed.”

“whats really changed? You're scarred and have PTSD, but that’s a normal healthy reaction. What about Eddie? He hasn’t changed either, hes still sick. You can heal and become normal again someday. Eddie cant, he will stay sick and abnormal forever. You cant change him and one day ... his sickness will win over you!!”

“no, NO!!” Waylon denied in a painful whisper. He closed his eyes as they started to tear up.

“you could run away. Go and find a hospital and claim amnesia, they'll believe it. They’ll help you be normal again. They'll heal you and let you truly be free. Not a prison you keep trying to cover as a loving relationship. Sick people don’t love, they just obsess over things they consider property. Run and escape him.” his voice growled deeply in his mind.

Waylon gripped onto Eddies shirt tightly, crying into his chest. Hearing Waylon in distress Eddie woke up, concern coming over him. He moved his arms to be wrapped around Waylon, gently shushing him. Waylon buried his face more, unable to stop crying.

He didn’t ask questions from Waylon. assuming he suffered something involving the engine. The engine affects were unfix able. Printed onto the brain in a scarring manor that would never fully disappear. It effected some more then others. Eddie had seen some people turned into unresponsive zombies, or thoughtless attackers. If Waylon had been there for another 4 months he would have been one of them.

Eddie reached up one hand, putting it behind Waylons head and brushing through his hair. Waylons crying slowly died down till it was small whimpers and a few sobs. Eddie gently shushed him some more.

“its okay.” Eddie spoke gently. Hearing Eddies voice calmed Waylon down faster. Waylon swallowed down his depression for a moment.

“iam sorry.” Waylon spoke, muffled, into Eddies chest. He held Waylon tight, kissing the top of his head. ignoring the compulsory feeling to entangle Waylon. It made Waylon feel a little more safe, despite the war in his head.

“you’re not safe. Hes sick, diseased of the brain.” Waylons brain warned, before it shut off for sleep.

*early morning*

Waylon was gently shaken awake by Eddie. He opened his eyes, seeing the bag with everything packed nearby. He was confused by the sight of it. He rose from the bed, still exhausted. The early morning blue light coming through the curtains made Waylon groan. How early was he awakened from his calming sleep.

“time to get up. We're leaving.” Eddie said.

“leaving?! Leaving where?!” Waylon questioned, pausing mid stretch at what Eddie said.

“people know we're here. So we have to leave for a different living space.” Eddie said.

“where would that be?” Waylon questioned, getting angry that Eddie was forcing them to leave.

“next town over.” Eddie said, putting the bag on. Waylon choked on his own spit.

“the next town?! Do you know how far that is?!” Waylon said.

“yes, but its safer there, and we'll be farther from Murkoff.” Eddie smiled as he helped Waylon up.

“he is diseased.” Waylon thought with a growl. He didn’t want to trudge through the cold winter whether to another town. They were safe where they were, but Eddie was paranoid because of 1 kid. He sighed as he followed Eddie out the door.

They walked outside of town, hidden in the vast thick forest. A thick layer of frost had formed on every surface. The crunching of frozen pine needled under his feet made Waylon feel colder.

“this is ridiculous.” Waylon thought. He glared at his breath, watching the thick fog he made drift off. It was early morning, freezing winter weather and they were going to walk 60 miles to the next town. Going through the forest, that Waylon was sure had mountain lions and bears.

“its never too late to run.” his mind spoke. Waylon rubbed his head, irritated and obtaining a headache. He was getting sick of the war in his head. He couldn’t leave Eddie, he just … couldn’t. Nothing was stopping him from running ... so why didn’t he?

He made up excuses and his mind broke them. A lot of people suffered in mount massive. what made Eddie special to keep in company with? Only that they escaped together and both survived. Waylon could go to the hospital, give a excuse of amnesia. Doctors couldn’t look up records if he didn’t know his name. Murkoff wouldn’t be able to trace him under a hospital assigned name or code.

“ staying out of pity?” Waylon thought. He did feel bad for Eddie after hearing his story. Maybe that’s why he stayed, he didn’t want to be known as another to abandon him.

“hes not a stray to be cared for. Hes a rabid dog. Someone abandoned him for a reason.” his mind spoke. Waylon was shocked by his thought, almost stumbling. It seemed to come out of nowhere. How could he possibly think that. It was disturbing to him, it couldn’t have been his thought. He could never think so negatively about someone. He felt sick, his thoughts were getting a bit more “carried away” then normal.

He wasn’t paying attention and walked into Eddie. He backed up annoyed, why did he stop. He looked up Eddie, expecting for him to look at him. When he wasn’t, Waylon got nervous. Did he accidentally say his dark thought out loud? Waylons heart skipped a beat.

“Eddie …?” Waylon said, barely above a whisper. Eddie quickly shushed him, not even fully looking at him over his shoulder. Waylon was a little taken back by the sudden shush. He looked around Eddie. All the color in his face vanished at the sight of a Murkoff blockade up ahead.

“head back to town.” Eddie said, facing Waylon and gently pushing him to walk the opposite direction. Waylon quickly walked, feeling sick and light headed at the sight. At least they weren’t seen, but how long would that last?

“they must be searching towns.” Waylon said.

“told you that girl would mess with things.” Eddie said.

“i don’t think this would be from a kid. Murkoff heard about two injured strangers in town after only 12 hours?” Waylon said.

“rumors and gossip spread fast, dear.” Eddie said, being alert of they're surroundings.

They made it back to the hotel. Waylon was feeling beyond ill when they made it and had to vomit in the bathroom. Eddie checked on him before he went to watch the window. Waylon stood back up and leaned over the sink, splashing water on his face.

“we cant leave the city, but we still have to leave here.” Eddie said. Waylon growled to himself, still leaning over the sink. He was still exhausted, the added stress not helping. He sighed going back to bed and covering himself to block the rising sun.

*a few hours later*

Waylon frowned as he felt himself being moved in his sleep. He didn’t want to wake up so Eddie could move them again. He ignored the light movement. He refused to get up till Eddie forced him up. The movement stopped and Waylon thought Eddie had given up.

Waylon became concerned when his face felt cold like ice. Becoming alarmed when that cold sensation was now feeling a bit suffocating. He opened his eyes, wrenching his head up to gasp in some air. Eddie was holding him under a shower head spraying freezing water down on his head.

“why did you do that!!!” Waylon snapped, wiping the water from his face. He expected Eddie to pull him off the bed to wake him up. Not put him in a freezing shower.

“you wouldn’t wake up.” Eddie said, holding Waylon up.

“that’s because I didn’t want to wake up.” Waylon grumbled.

“i tried for an hour. You had a serious fever.” Eddie said. That caught Waylons attention. He looked down and examined himself. His clothes were covered in a light sticky layer of sweat. Only the area around his head being soaked from the shower. He noticed the fever he had now. His skin felt on fire with no relenting moments from it. Eddie released him when he had his footing.

“iam going to get you medicine.” Eddie said. Waylon felt some panic about that.

“you cant go out there, Murkoffs here!!” Waylon said.

“your fevers high. If it doesn’t get better, you'll cook your own body. Take a cold shower while iam gone.” Eddie commanded as he left Waylon in the bathroom. Waylon couldn’t argue with that. It took a cold shower to wake him, he was wet with sweat and his skin felt on fire. After hearing the front door close, he stripped to take a cold shower.

He stayed in the shower for what felt like forever. He felt tired, light headed, and constantly thirsty. His burning skin felt unaffected by the water, still burning underneath the shower. To satisfy his thirst, he drank from the water pouring down on him. He thought it was a little disgusting, but it was better then guzzling there whole bottled water supply.

He looked away from the stream to the closed bathroom door. Waylon wondered where Eddie was and if he was okay. Something abnormal formed in the room. He didn’t catch it at first, his mind took a moment to recognize it. When he noticed he looked away from the door. next to the door, above the sink, was a mirror. In the mirror was a corpse resembling him.

Its skin was a sickly, pale, darkened green. The eyes were unseen in the black sunken in circles. Its face resembling more of a skull with its tight darkened skin. its whole body anorexic, bones pointing and gliding under tight skin. Its hair was dark and dull, somehow not falling out and sticking together.

Waylon stared at the creature in the mirror with wide eyes. The creature was looking away till Waylon looked at it too long. It turned its head to look at him with crackle noises of its neck moving. It looked at him and slowly opened its mouth with a threatening growl hiss. Inside its mouth were multiple sharp teeth and blackness. The skin on its cheeks splitting apart from the force of opening its jaws.

A scream got caught in Waylons parched throat. He jolted himself back against the other end of the tub/ shower. He hit the wall and hid behind the dark blue curtain at the end. He stayed still as he could, his body shaking with fear. He stayed there silently, listening to the sound of bones crackling and snapping. When the room went quiet, excluding the shower, he peeked out from the curtain side.

He was still shaking when he looked. He saw himself, looking at the mirror in the reflection. He let out a deep breath of relief to not see the decaying creature. He didn’t want to shower anymore, getting out quickly and changing. It didn’t take long for his body to sweat through the new clothes. He stayed in the bathroom, leaning over the sink.

He barely remembered getting changed and how, or why he was at the sink. He looked up at the mirror, staring at it for a moment. He heard something like a hiss and was startled. He looked around the room, fearing the creature returned. The hissing happened again, being more clearly this time. It was whispering.

Waylon listened, looking around in fear to find the source. The whispers slowly became clearer and clearer. He swallowed down what little was left of the moisture in his mouth.

“ what?” Waylon asked, feeling they were trying to say something important.

“its spreading … its spreading … its spreading ...” the voices whispered repeatedly. Waylon was going to ask them what was spreading, but stopped. He noticed something dark moving on the bottom of his arm. He turned it over, his stomach flipping when he saw darkness spreading through his veins and up his arm. Where it spread the skin turned into that sickened green the corpse was. He panicked, turning on the faucet, trying to scrub it away with hot water. It only slowed the spread.

“cut it out … the disease … cut it out …” the voices whispered. Waylon didn’t know what else to do. He ran into the main room to the backpack. he tossed things aside and out till he found his hunting knife. He returned to the bathroom, slightly happy to see the disease hadn’t spread much. With a shaky hand he started gouging into the infected area. He shredded through his arm, feeling no pain from it, watching red blood flow out and pour into the sink.

He frantically cut through more of it. He became hysterical as he saw the infection continued to spread up his arm. The whispering turning to yelling as it wanted the disease carved out. He began hyperventilate and was about to amputate his infected arm when a hand grabbed the knife away.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!” Eddie yelled at him, yanking the knife away and pinning him to the wall. He came into the bathroom, finding Waylon shredding his arm open. The whole white sink was coated in thick red blood, dripping off to the tiled floor. The walls were also splattered from Waylon yanking the knife out. It all looked like a murder scene happened.

“its spreading!! I have to cut it out!!” Waylon said being strongly upset that Eddie stopped him. He struggled and thrashed under Eddies hold.

“whats spreading?!” Eddie questioned, holding Waylon and keeping the knife far away from his reach. Waylon looked at his arms to say “that”, but went quiet as he saw no infection.

His arm was its normal skin color. The middle area down the bottom of his arm shredded open. There were long varying cuts that blood poured from. Waylon started to silently cry at he stared at the mutilation he just did. He wasn’t sure if the crying was caused by relief that the infection was gone, or from pain swarming in. he heard Eddie grumble something as he took him to the other room by his good arm.

He made Waylon sit on the bed and hold a towel to the bleeding wound. he sat quietly, staring at the bloody towel with a blank face, his mind void of thought. Eddie searched around the room for medical supply’s. Waylon tossed things all around the room and Eddie had to regather them.

Finding everything, Eddie treated Waylons mutilated arm. Cleaning it out and bandaging it. Waylon by his own stupid luck, missed the very important tendons in his arm. If those were damaged, his hand would have been useless. Eddie pulled out a bottle of medicine from his pocket, sitting next to the still blank Waylon. He read over instructions and poured a cap full of syrup. Eddie almost coughed from the strong smell as he gave it to Waylon.

“drink this.” Eddie commanded. Waylon stared at it blankly, unmoving. Eddie thought that Waylon didn’t understand him and was about to help him. Waylon poured all the medicine into his mouth with one large tilt of the cup. Waylon gagged on it almost spitting it out. Eddie grabbed his mouth, keeping it closed so he couldn’t spit.

“swallow it.” Eddie commanded with a growl. Waylon swallowed it down roughly, having a coughing fit after. Eddie picked him up again to move him back to the bathroom. He needed another cold shower to keep his fever down and to wash all the blood away.

Eddie will stay with him, not trusting Waylon to be good on his own. He stripped Waylon down with little struggle from him. The sickness and lack of blood making him a disoriented being. Able of doing only very simple tasks on his own. He left Waylon in the shower while he cleaned up the bloody sink area.

#outlast whistleblower #eddie gluskin #waylon park #Waylon x Eddie

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e8luhs · 4 years

Note

i am very excited for refactoring!! i already love the characters. can you tell us more about the main cast? like personality and interests and stuff.

AW YES IM SO GLAD THAT YOURE EXCITED!! i got this ask this morning and it seriously made me want to stay home from school and just infodump. im putting this under a cut since it will probably get a bit long i just kind of wrote down some fun tidbits and etc

mavis

absolute jock-passing nerd. she dresses like she Does Sport even though she did like quiz bowl and whatnot instead.

shes quite chill and thoughtful (its the taurus rising) but gets easily bored and needs constantly new forms of stimulation to stay motivated. she loves a challenge and basically feeds off of that kind of stuff. this really only cancelled out when its something deeply stressful (like being teleported to an entirely new dimension and all that). she CAN settle down into one spot and feel comfortable with that so long as she isnt BORED because GOD FORBID SHES BORED.

mavis likes science but especially astronomy, and despite everything shes actually really into horror movies and the paranormal too. a definite Halloween Enthusiast and also listens to lemon demon dare i say.

whenever shes stressed or frustrated or anxious her knee jerk instinct is to try and joke about it and move on. she isnt really direct about how she feels and whatnot and when she IS its usually via punchline.

silas

silas is probably one of the easiest people to read in the cast. its basically impossible for him to lie or say that hes doing well if he isnt. hes a very honest person and expects that kind of honesty from others also, and it becomes really frustrating for him when people arent direct about how they feel

BECAUUUUSEEEE hes also very empathetic. both of the hao siblings are but he goes about it in a very different way than catriona. hes much more like “I have to know everything about why you are upset or else ill die” because if he sees someone sad and doesnt know why it basically eats him up inside until he knows.

hes also a bit of a jokester not about his feelings or anything but just in general! rather than using it as a defense he just really enjoys making people laugh. silas is very sociable.

sometimes he can be a bit of a try hard.... he is really doing his best and i love him. him and lea and mavis all share a need to establish themselves as something greater than they are and his mainly stems from Youngest Sibling Syndrome with a side of boredom with his own life too. mavis and silas really bond over that but silas didnt really take on any escapist tendencies like mavis did. he pushes himself to take action and try many things and considers many paths.

catriona

she has a teddy bear in her room that she hides in a reading cubby because its still important but she feels that her image as Mature and Put Together matters too much to really share that soft side with others. and i think that basically sums her up as a character.

really just needs some fuckin sleep. she is fueled by various caffeinated beverages (her favorites being an overly elaborate coffee order and arizona green tea). shes articulate, but because shes usually running on 4 or 5 hours of sleep she can sometimes miss small details or starts talking faster than her own thoughts+stumbling over her own words.

shes a bit suspicious of other people because shes had her trust tested a lot. catriona is very like kind and warm still though its just that like... you know. if you wrong her its very hard to win her back and she likely wont trust you with anything again.

shes also much more of a “fix it” kind of person when it comes to problems. she will absolutely provide a shoulder to cry on when you need it but at the end of the day she provides very practical support by trying to provide options. she takes the same approach with her own feelings too.

kirabo

basically like “*softly* dont”. they are very cautious and dont take a lot of risks unless theyre absolutely sure that it will work out and there will be a benefit. however, theyre still optimistic and theyre always able to see the best in other people and in any situation. not really in that toxic kind of positivity way... but as in like they are able to appreciate the small things and whatnot

^ that world view is basically why they are so into botany. its very precise but its something small that you can really appreciate and see your own success in little by little. they also like arts and crafts.

they are incredibly diplomatic despite their initial virgo stubbornness. theyre really open to other perspectives and theyre very patient/understanding. kirabo and catriona are basically opposites in this respect and so they balance eachother out a lot here.... they are like bestest buds.

they are very big on like Emotionally Productive Self Care. kirabo WILL put on a face mask and will be like “dont @ me i am chillin”. and they will be like “enough is enough i am going to knit a fucking scarf a second”. they just have a lot of little hobbies to keep them busy like that because they are super fidgety. anxious energy... the mercury-ism

minka

absolutely hates being underestimated in any capacity. minka is fully aware of her intelligence and capabilities and expresses no qualms with it whatsoever. alot of her insecurity ends up lying in her social life and etc. shes just been through a lot and really just wants to share her passions with other people.

really likes to decorate and APPEARS messy but is super organized. she has that sort of “chaotic order” thing going on where she can locate something even if its under a huge pile of random stuff. she has lots of stickers and lots of color-coding methods too.

will do the “are we there yet” thing and the “why? why? why?” thing. mostly out of curiosity to see how far she can go. she is always so curious about how far she can go with everything. so once she finds company she basically never wants to be alone. shes very talkative and inquisitive.

a baby bi.... she is still figuring it out a little though

lea

a little >:3c and i like love that for her. she has a lot of charisma and energy and those are things that she really NEEDS TO HAVE with being a video game streamer and all but deep down shes just really mischievous and playful too.

i consider her a vriska by technicality. she has a lot of issues revolving around her identity and how people perceive her because so much of the time she deals with people projecting an idea of what shes like onto her. so alot of her thing is allowing herself to just be rather than feeling like she needs to put on a show.

^ shes actually probably one of the hardest people to read in the cast because of that. its not that shes not being herself... its just that she feels like she needs to be a pretty altered version of herself. the neptune in 1st struggle. she also kind of tends to have one foot out the door on everything but it makes her very adaptable. pretty much opposite to mavis in that its hard for her to settle down in any sense.

has a scorpio mercury but a libra venus so basically like “good luck my deep lovecore affections for you will be hidden behind several proxies”. also it just makes it to where she comes off very Intense at first as is the scorpio placement way. but really its fucking great and i love her.

trinity

well theyre a scorpio sun AND a scorpio moon aka theyre like “i will know everything about you but you will never know anything about me ever” and also theyre like *rebirth* *rebirth* *rebirth*

despite what the emotional constipation and capricorn rising may tell you they are seriously A Lot. they make very quick decisions based on any instantaneous assumptions that they have so deep down theyre just very emotional and impulsive. AND intuitive which is partially because they are analytical of others but all around theyre mostly guided by like Vibez.

their precognition is kind of like if you randomly started having dreams during the day and only saw them through your left eye. so more than anything they get kind of like... weird deja vu when they talk to people or go to places that theyve seen in their visions.

really they are just like. okay in theory by first impression they would be a vriska but in actuality they are a rose lalonde because like. come on. theres a certain self-aware yet chaotic and dramatic and repressed je ne sais quoi here

#ask #refactoring #THSI WAS SO FUNNNNN THANK YOU FOR ASKING. YOU ARE SO SWEET

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mattzerella-sticks · 5 years

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Buss Down (Bruce Banner/Thor, Steve’s POV, 2.7 k)

Steve forgot the reason he went down to the labs, thoughts derailed after catching a glimpse of Thor's godly assets. Now he finds himself in league with a few others who have made it their mission to keep Thor's bottom up until a certain scientist can't take it anymore before turning green with envy.

It's naughty... but it feels so nice. What's a Boy Scout like Steve to do?

(Link to Ao3)

Steve walks into the lab to a strange sight. Thor, bent down within a cupboard, his ass pushed out as far as he can make it and his back arched like a smooth valley. He stares, hypnotized by the jiggle of Thor’s cheeks as he rummages around for something. Fingers snap near his ear, and that shocks him out of his trance. Grabbing for the source of the sound, Steve raises his fist. Steve only lowers it down when he realizes it was Tony who snapped.

Tony winces, “Sorry, forgot that was a trigger…”

He rolls his eyes, releasing Tony’s shirt from his grip. Steve can’t stay mad, his focus drawn back to the god of thunder.

Tony snorts, taking him by the arm and leading him away. “Come on,” he says, “if you’re gonna stare at least do it without being a roadblock.”

Steve blushes, ducking away to gape at him. “I wasn’t… I’m not –“

“It’s okay, trust me,” Tony says, “We all do it.” They stop at Tony’s worktable, where others have gathered. Natasha, Wanda, Scott, and Sam have spread out across the surface, each gazing at the same spot.

Steve’s breath stutters. “The hell? What are you all doing down here?”

“Enjoying the show,” Natasha shrugs, holding the popcorn bowl out to him, shaking it, “Want some?” He pushes it back towards a waiting Scott, who crams a handful into his mouth. A few fall to the floor, but Scott barely notices as somehow Thor’s ass rises higher. Steve’s face flushes a splotchy red.

“Guys,” Steve whispers harsh and commanding, “This is not okay. Thor’s our friend, we shouldn’t be… ogling him like some painting on the side of a fighter plane!”

“Wow,” Natasha says, “dated reference much?”

“That’s not the point –“

“Steve, chill,” Tony says, arm comfortingly coming to rest on his shoulders, “This is all for a good thing.”

“…If you say Thor’s ass is the good thing, Tony, I swear –“

“No, no – well, it is a good thing, but… that’s not what I was talking about.” Suddenly, Tony’s eyes shift and scan the room as if Hydra would swarm in any second. He leans into Steve’s ear and tells him. “We’ve got a bet going on, about who can get Bruce to hulk out and do something about Thor.” Tony then nods his head over to the other scientist a few tables over.

Steve hadn’t noticed Bruce was in the room at all, an embarrassing misstep given how aware he usually is. But as he takes him in now, Steve sees what Tony meant. While Bruce keeps his eyes glued to his research, his control over his other half is tenuous at best. He holds onto a beaker too tight, a spider web of cracks branching out from where his fingertips meet glass. His tan hands are streaked with green, shaking every few seconds.

He looks back to Tony. “Why would you want to do that?”

“Because Bruce has the biggest crush on Thor.”

This is news to only Steve, as everyone else barely bats an eye after Tony dropped that bit of information turning half his mind to dust. “What?”

“Yeah, and he won’t do anything about it even though Thor’s totally game,” Tony sighs, dipping his hand into the bowl for a few pieces of popcorn. “So I thought I’d help push things along by dangling Bruce’s favorite piece of our friend in front of his face – really, he should learn how to not talk in his sleep if he’s gonna pass out here.”

“But then what are all they doing here?” Steve gestures to the rest of them. Wanda slaps his hand down when it blocks their view.

Sam sighs, joining their conversation. “We all found out what Tony was doing at one point or another and offered to help, I mean… any chance to watch Thor’s ass clap like it’s making thunder.”

“And you turned it into a bet,” Steve says, pinching the space between his brows. He bites his lip, thinking about what he wants to say next. “Is it only you five involved?”

“No,” Tony tells him, “There’s also Peter –“

“Which one?”

“Both. Quill’s been through the entire galaxy and hasn’t found an ass like Thor’s,” he says, “And what kind of pseudo-father figure would I be if I didn’t encourage Parker’s budding sexuality? I send them both pictures with every new task we give our thunder god.”

“I seriously can’t believe all of you –“

Before he could begin his lecture, Thor stands. All around him, the others whine as their sun sets. “I don’t think your phone was in there, Tony.” Steve notices Tony duck his hand, the one clutching said phone, behind the table. Thor notices him before he could reveal their friend’s trick. “Ah, Steve! What brings you down here?”

Steve nearly answers him with the first thought that comes to mind. He screws his mouth shut before the words ‘your ass’ break free. Instead, he mumbles out between hard-pressed lips a non-committal grunt while he turns into a tomato.

Thor skews his head to the side, concerned. Tony swoops in and saves Steve though. “He’s just here to hang out, aren’t you Cap?” Steve manages to nod without embarrassing himself. “And about my phone… maybe it’s in the next cabinet over?”

“Are you sure?” Thor asks, “Maybe it’s somewhere else? I could search one of the shelves up –“

A chorus of ‘No’ cuts him off, as if Steve and everyone else by Tony’s workstation was a holy choir. Thor’s mouth hangs, eyes darting between them all. Natasha steps in this time. “You know how short Tony is –“

“Hey!”

“He never reaches for anything on the shelves on his own, it’s much more likely he dropped it grabbing chemicals or wrenches or something.”

Steve hides a snicker as Thor takes her suggestion seriously. Thor nods, “Yes, that makes sense. All right, I’ll check the next one.” Without prompting, Thor bends back down and resumes his search. Scott chokes on a piece of popcorn as his butt wiggles and bounces. Sam slaps his hand twice across Scott’s back to dislodge the kernel; Scott coughing it out onto the floor with the other discarded snack pieces.

“Well,” Tony asks Steve, “you gonna pretend to have the moral high ground or admit you’re enjoying this as much as we are?”

Steve glares at Thor’s ass as he tells Tony, “Shut up.”

“See Cap, you’re no better than us!”

He makes himself comfortable in the gutter, taking Tony’s stool for his own use and pecking at the remaining popcorn. Silence returns as Thor and his ass take center stage. Steve studies the defined curve, curious as to why he’s never noticed it before. All his life, he has appreciated the male form as well as the female one. And he had fully functioning vision – even better than most people’s because of the serum – so Steve knew Thor was gorgeous. Like Cary Grant or Humphrey Bogart, but teeming with muscles and surrounded by a cloud of static that followed his wake. Steve assumed that Thor’s eyes were the most beautiful part of him, even now when they’re two different colors. He hadn’t accounted for his lower end. And maybe because it was never on display like it is now. The thin gym shorts leave nothing to the imagination, and Steve’s hand twitches as if to reach out.

Tony presses himself against Steve’s back. “Hey,” he whispers, “pull yourself away for a sec and look at our friend, Mr. Incredible Self-Control.” Steve glances at Bruce from the corner of his eye, the scientist’s shoulders trembling now. Listening closely, he hears fabric ripping and Bruce muttering mantras. “Looks like I’ll be winning this one.”

Steve sighs, “When did you all get so ass obsessed?”

“We’ve always been like this,” Scott says, “I mean, don’t you remember our first plan to defeat Thanos?”

Shuddering, Steve recalls Clint’s idea and how he demonstrated it with an arrow and a watermelon. They all knew it was a lame attempt at a joke, but Scott seemed too into it at the time. When Thanos was ultimately defeated, Scott was slightly miffed Carol landed the final blow and his size-shifting abilities weren’t utilized the way he wanted.

“This is insane…”

“How so?”

“I… I…” Steve falters, “I mean –“

“Look, Steve, this isn’t even the craziest thing we’ve made Thor do,” Tony says, “Right guys?”

They all meek out their assent. Scott tells him how he shrunk down and broke pipes every now and then so Thor could fix them, even if he had no knowledge of plumping. Wanda used her powers to untie Thor’s boots whenever Bruce was around – and sometimes when he wasn’t. Sam started yoga so he could show Thor, and together they would stretch and bend in the common room during Bruce’s breaks from his research. Natasha chose the simplest route, pulling up videos on YouTube and teaching him how to copy the dance moves.

“I discovered his true namesake,” she chuckled, “Thor, God of the Thunderthighs.” The others laugh at her wordplay, Steve’s brow furrowing in aggravation.

As much fun as it had been for everyone involved, Steve included, he couldn’t let the bet carry on any longer. Tearing his gaze from the Asgardian’s backside, he puffs his chest up switches into his leadership stance. “This ends now.”

Tony ignores his order, clapping him on the shoulder. “Sorry, Steve, this goes on until Bruce claims that ass for himself.”

In between his eye roll and withering sigh, Thor frees himself from the second cabinet. “It’s not there either…” he says, “Tony, where on Midgard could your phone possibly have hidden itself?”

Like it’s wont to do, Steve’s brain implements a set of actions without having had time to think it all through. Thor provided a great distraction, allowing him to sneak Tony’s phone out from his grip. Then, he dropped it to the floor, thankful that the casing absorbed any sound that might give him away. Steve kicked it a good ways away, watching it slide to a stop a few feet away from Bruce. The only one to notice this is the scientist himself, but with how tightly wound he already was he couldn’t say anything.

Steve breaks apart from the group, pointing at the phone where it now rests. “Were you all blind this entire time?” he asks loudly, “It’s right over there!” They all turn to where he gestures, startled by his statement. Tony checks his hand, glaring at how empty it was.

Thor breaks out into a smile, “Steve! You prove yourself the sharpest amongst us once more!” He thanks him for the compliment, following Thor over to Tony’s phone.

Corralling him so that his backside faces Bruce, Steve nods at Thor, “If you will.”

Thor bends down. However, as he does so, Steve hooks two fingers into the waistband of his shorts and tugs. Only after he glimpses the forbidden skin does he realize what a bad idea this was. Especially once he sees Thor forwent underwear that day.

A cacophony of sound surges over him, from Thor’s gasp as the cold air hits his skin to the cry from the peanut gallery at the sight they were treated to. Over it all, however, is the distinct shredding of clothing. Everyone, including Thor, whip over to Bruce. His glasses lie broken in front of him, and his lab coat’s sleeves tatter around his now broad shoulders. Bruce hadn’t turned fully green, but his verdant eyes complement the stripes of similar color highlighting where his veins were.

“Bruce,” Thor says, fixing his shorts, “What are you… what’s going – woah!” Bruce lifts him over his shoulder, stalking out of the room with furious intent. “Bruce!” Thor shouts over his grunting, “Where are we going?”

“Bedroom. Now.” Thor’s response remains unknown as the metal doors slide closed behind them, giving the two privacy. Steve watches them leave, sighing in contentment. His calm dissipates when he finds five faces glowering menacingly at him.

“What?”

“I can’t believe it,” Sam starts, “All it took was mooning him?”

“You’re not even in the pool!” Wanda shouts, fingers sparkling with red energy, “How much time and energy I spent untying shoelaces –“

“That was low, Steve,” Natasha says, “Even for you.”

Scott kicks at the floor, slumping in on himself. “Now where am I going to look at an ass like his?”

Tony let the others vent their pent up frustration before stepping forward. He reaches into his pocket and stuffs something into Steve’s hands. Upon closer inspection, he sees several folded bills. “I hope you’re happy Steve,” Tony says, “You can buy yourself lots of charcoal pencils with this allowance.” He whistles, rounding up his troupe and leading them away from the lab as well.

Steve stays, still confused over what dominoes he knocked over.

Epilogue

He hasn’t left the Tower yet, going through paperwork Fury sent him from the rebuilt SHIELD compound upstate. Steve sits alone in the break room, rubbing at his tired eyes. There’s only so many times he can stare at numbers before his mind starts shutting down. He’s saved from his duties by the sound of a door opening nearby.

“Hello Steve,” Thor greets, moving over to the Keurig to make some coffee, “What are you doing here so late?” He can’t speak; too shocked by how his friend wears nothing more than a fresh lab coat that hugs him tight in all the right places. Steve waves his tablet, communicating his tasks silently. Thor understands, smiling. “A leader’s job is never done I suppose. Wouldn’t you rather do this though from your apartment in Brooklyn?”

Steve shrugs, clearing his throat. “Rather keep a work-life balance…” he says, voice hoarse from the tension.

Thor chooses not to remark on Steve’s mood, grabbing a nearby mug and pouring his drink into it. All the while, Steve’s conscious harasses him for the terrible thing he did. Circles overhead, calling him names and saying he was no better than the others. He takes all he can until he breaks, when Thor pours sugar into his coffee.

He apologizes, rushing out his words before they could stick to the roof of his mouth. When he finishes, he clamps his eyes shut and waits for Thor to verbally strike him with lightning. A long beat passes with nothing happened. Steve blinks his eyes open, finding Thor staring at him in confusion, sipping at his coffee.

“Uh… what was all that?”

“It was… I’m saying sorry,” Steve tells him, “For exposing your… you know.”

Thor clucks his tongue, understanding. “Oh, you don’t have to apologize for that.”

Steve splutters, features morphing to express his frustration. “What do you mean?”

Setting his coffee down, Thor leans against the counter. “It was all a part of the bet wasn’t it?”

“You knew about the bet?”

“Of course I knew about the bet,” Thor chuckles, “You think I didn’t notice everyone staring at me like the juiciest leg of mutton left on the banquet table?”

“Then why… why did you –“

“Go along with it all?” he says, “It’s not like I’m ashamed of my blessings. Plus I love the attention, especially from a certain nerdy scientist with anger issues…”

“So you’re fine with all that happened?” Steve asks, “What I…”

“I got what I wanted, and you won the bet,” Thor says, smirking, “All in a day’s work, I say.”

The weight in Steve’s stomach still doesn’t sit right. He digs around for the money Tony gave him, pushing it across the breakfast table and over towards Thor. “You should have this, I don’t feel comfortable –“

“Nonsense, Steve,” Thor says, “You won that fairly. To the victor belong the spoils.”

“You deserve it though, for putting up with all of us.”

Thor shoves the money back across towards Steve before walking over to the door. He pauses, glancing at him over his shoulder. “You should know me well enough by now that I don’t put up with anything I can’t handle. And like I said… I got everything I need from this.” He winks, leaving Steve alone in the break room once more.

Steve sighs, staring at his dirty money. “I’ll give it to Bruce,” he decides, “He won’t turn down free money.”

#Avengers Endgame #Thor #Bruce Banner #Thruce #Steve Rogers #Post Endgame #Thruce fanfiction #Thruce fic

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spiritchronicle · 5 years

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Conceiving the Spirit

Feeding the Spirit

Today I want to discuss what the spirit is, and how we feed it in order to progress in our spiritual path. The spirit as I have come to understand it, is the collection of mindfully chosen energy thought forms, that group together by vibration, frequency, color, etc, and have correlation and continuation, meaning that they are now a single “being” that will not disintegrate into individual thought forms anymore. This does not mean that once the spirit is formed, we are separate individuals that have no more connections to the rest of the universe, or that we cannot add more energy, or thought forms to our being, it simply means that there is now a “set form” that these energies have taken, and it knows what it’s energy consist off, and what is the best way for it to continue developing. This includes all memories of past lives, even though these thought forms might not have been in the same body at the same time, they were able to evolve enough to be attracted to one another, and incarnate in the same body, that would be most beneficial for them, with the purpose of birthing the spirit in that life time.

Here we can discuss the theory that the One Being poses, explaining that we here on the surface of planet Tera do not have our spirit developed, and this is why we are not part of the universe, but live in an illusion outside of universal law. We also see this theory in many other books and materials like A Course In Miracles. These books also pose the theories of being able to work toward “waking up” and “spiritual enlightenment” through different techniques that can help us understand true universal laws, that will permit us to connect directly to the divine, and draw knowledge and life directly from the one infinite creator, as opposed to our own ego self.

We can begin by discussing different steps we can take to feed our spirit and develop it to the point of were we know ourselves fully and begin to understand these universal laws.

Step 1: Calming the Mind

It is crucial that the first step in developing our universal consciousness be calming the mind. This might not apply to every person out there already practicing calming the mind, but I know this happens to most people, where we have trouble stopping the influx of thoughts that come our way throughout the day. This is the first space where we can practice consciously choosing what we want. Calming the mind can be anything from practicing mindfulness meditation, to taking 10 or 15 minutes of alone time to consciously be at peace. Whatever you practice might be, this step is crucial, because if we keep running on the same old programs, non-stop, all day, every day, there is minimal chance for new information to be accepted into our minds, and without these new information, it will be really hard to for our spirit. Which leads us to our next topic...

Step 2: Feeding it Information

Once we have mastered being able to calm the mind in order to receive new information, we can begin to feed ourselves with new experiences and knowledge. This can include anything from experiences you have in your daily life, to reading books, to listening to someone speak, going to conferences. . . you get the point, the whole point is to introduce new information to our minds and be conscious of what it means to us. It doesn’t matter if this information might mean something different to someone else, the importance is that we feed ourselves the information in this step. This is where we are collecting data, it doesn’t really matter what the data is at this point, of course, the higher vibration and more conscious the information is, the easier it will be for use to utilize it more easily for the formation of our spirit, but from my experience, everyone will collect information that is a vibration to what they already are vibrating with. Here is where we reach the most important step...

Step 3: Making Connections

All of the steps are required for the development of our spirit, but this step of connecting the dots of different experiences, or information that we are acquiring, is in my opinion, the most important. Usually this step happens at the end of a learning cycle, when we are ready to move on to the next learning cycle. In this step, we take all of the information from the last step (feeding information), which in some cases might take years or decades, and bring all of that information into a single conclusion, this is how we achieve mastery over our lives. If we fail to complete this step, we are sent back to the beginning and are asked to repeat the cycle all over again, the universe will keep bringing the same lesson back to you, until you have completely mastered this step. From my experience, repeated learning cycles are much shorter, but more intense than the previous one, because since you are blinded to the conclusion, the universe will call out to you in bigger and more difficult ways to draw your attention into something that needs to be healed. Some souls might take lifetimes to completely master one cycle, while others are going through cycles very quickly. I can def see around me the speeding up of cycles, and from my personal experience, cycles have become very short.

Now I want to paint a picture here, we might have sub cycles to the great big one that will finally form our spirit, that is why our souls will incarnate in many many lifetimes in order to obtain all of the information from different sources and experiences. Say that we need to complete 50 sub cycles to completely form our spirit, and lets say that for each one of those 50 conclusions, there are 50 more mini cycles that make up that one... you can see why it has taken us so long to finally be here at this crucial time on the planet that will spring board us into finally completing our major lessons. We are now receiving very elevated information through channeling, inspirations, resurfacing of ancient knowledge, and many more ways in which we are being helped at this time. Our job now is to take in the information we are being presented with, digest it, know it, connect it to our lives, and finally, mastery comes when we apply it, which is the next step on this process.

Step 4: Applying and Teaching Lessons

This is how we can check in with ourselves and know that we have mastered a cycle or lesson that we need to form our spirit. This is where we see people actually change and become a better, more developed forms of themselves. This step is not about applying all of the information that you needed from step 2, but rather from step 3. Once that connection is formed (step 3), all of the information and experiences that you gathered to learn it are not that important, yes they still hold value, but the goal of having the experience is to learn. Once the learning is complete it would be inefficient to repeat the same lesson, and it would rather even be impossible. Even if you had similar or even the same experiences, if you completely mastered your lesson, you would go through the same experience at a different level of consciousness, so you would interpret the information in a different way.

The application of your conclusion and lesson, is the important part of this step. You have a choice when you get this far in the cycle. You can choose to apply the lesson and make it a part of your new being/spirit, or you can choose to ignore it and continue doing as you were before you learned it. Believe it or not, you can actually digress in your spiritual evolution if you choose to incorporate lower vibratory thought forms into your being. Of course the universe will then bring back that lesson until you choose to accept it in harder and more difficult ways.

If you choose to accept your conclusion and evolve and elevate because of it, a great way to contribute to the universe if to share your experience, this doesn’t mean that you have to write a book or start a podcast, or that you even have to tell people what you learned, but even just applying it in your own life can be teaching. People around you that notice your positive change, and the evolution that you just went through, can be considered teaching. Lead by example. Of course if you like talking to people and sharing your stories, that is also a great way to continue your practice and keep that active in your experience.

Step 5: Forming the Spirit

I can’t say from experience what this step looks like, as I am unsure if I have reached this threshold, but I did go through a pretty big lesson, maybe even the hardest one in this lifetime, but who knows, more things might be coming my way. Anyway, this step will be completed by itself, when you reach that final lesson, you wont even know it is your final lesson until it is learned, because then, when you disincarnate, you no longer will loose your correlation and continuation, you will no longer forget what you are working on, who you are, and where you are headed. You will be able to do more work in developing your connection to the divine and draw in inspiration from source, and not just from our ego minds. This step is not the last in the universe, but it is the last to get us out of this densified backwards planet we live on, at least from here on out we will have a conscious choice to come back or not, and that is more than we have been able to do in our journey thus far.

As you can see all of this is work from our end, no one is going to come and do the work for you, or beam you out of this planet, or be “saved” by the blood of another person on a cross. The universe does not work by magic, it is all frequency and vibration, and you will match that which you are, you can’t hide it, and you can’t lie to the universe, if there is lessons you need to learn, people you need to forgive, experiences you need to live in order to purify your consciousness, and learn what you need to learn, the universe will make sure you get more than enough opportunities to evolve, transmute and transcend your current state of consciousness.

Reading Section: The One Being Book 4 / Question #234:

How do you communicate with the channelers?

We communicate with symbols. When a being conceives his spirit, it has engraved in is crystals (thoughts) the basic universal formulas. These formulas are the DNA of the universe. The spirit does not need to learn, remember, assimilate, etc., it has it innately in itself, as opposed to the soul, that does need to learn, experience, assimilate, apply itself etc.

We communicate with the channelers of the planet through symbols, and these are interpreted with the existing vocabulary that is located in the being’s memory. Who is interpreting and translating the symbols, is the spirit, who adequately expresses these symbols in the language that it finds itself in, extracting from this what is necessary to correctly communicate.

These symbols are exactly like the crop circles and like the symbols you will find in the future when you discover Atlantis. . .

#spiritual evolution #spiritual healing #spirituality #el ser uno #healing #transmutation #the one being #the eclectic mystic

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purge-that-urge-rhackathon · 5 years

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Do you read works people gift to you?

I print them out and eat them xD

I’d like to preface this answer by saying first and foremost that I used to work (not fun, i HATED it) in the film industry doing a LOT of jobs, and one of those was doing script coverage. For those unfamiliar with the term, script coverage is where they give you a pile of all these fucking scripts they’re either deciding to buy the rights to, have bought the rights to, or need an abstract written to help them decide whether or not to pursue it to the point of making a film themselves, or releasing their license for someone else to purchase it. One page translates to one minute of screen time, yeah? Do the math there, and most features will be 90-150+ pages.

And that’s where my job came in: having to sit for hours forced to read a lot of shit i didn’t want to (and i was the book-nerd at the library who LOVED new stuff right? i’ve read somewhere around 10,000 books since high school and i read very fast too) so this was something akin to torture for me. I have read a lot of shit. Shit i’m really really glad will never make it to the big screen. Shit that made no sense. Shit that triggered me up and down. Shit in genres not up my alley in the first place. Shit that will never get made because of the abstracts I wrote having to tell the studio how shit it was, in professional-ese. It was a few months in beverly hills of doing that before my ass quit.

So while i really appreciate the shit out of the intentions, and goddamn am i grateful and flattered as fuck someone might want to gift me something, unless you know me, like really intimately (maybe only 5 people on this site i’d say, and they know who they are), it’s something very hard for me to accept and the ensuing anxiety over trying not to be an ungrateful bastard or be mean at all just because its not up my alley, and the pressure to hopefully not discourage someone (and i NEVER want to discourage someone, i really really want people to have fun doing what they do!) just really makes gift fic an unpleasant experience for me.

It’s like… it’s different from fanart. Fanart you see the thing and BOOM. You know its for you or not. And even if its not, you can usually pretty easily complement the color scheme or technical skill or find something about it to be nice and gracious over.

The written word is not like this. Sometimes you’ll begin to read a thing and know right away it is not for you, and you need to get out of there. I take it one step further in my judgmentalness: if the grammar is really bad, i won’t read it. If the visual structure (no paragraph breaks, for example) isn’t proper, i won’t read it. If they keep misspelling the same word or someone’s name, it drives me nuts to the point of not reading further. If things start taking a turn I don’t like, or gets too wordy or too descriptive (OR lacks such), i won’t read it. More to the point, if the general subject matter is not up my alley, i wont read it. If the portrayal of the characters isn’t something i like, or squicks me, i wont read it. I have a list as long as the day of dealbreakers for myself.

I mean i think we can just sum this up to why some people will read certain authors and some won’t, right? We can all understand our own unique tastes.

When I’m gifted a fic, I feel like i am back in that old-ass chair with a pile of scripts dreading what is to come. I have no choice. It’s a gift, and the nature of a gift is you must be gracious even if you don’t like it. I think that’s asking a LOT of someone who didn’t ask for the thing. Especially if it’s a longer fic, or lord forbid multi-chaptered. It’s like, i didn’t sign up for this ride, please don’t make me ride this ride, i want off. It’s nothing on the person who wrote the thing, and everything on me. I am picky. I have a lot of deal breakers. And I don’t like to lie. I really really don’t like to lie. And forcing my hand with something like that and telling someone false things and also having to have that in my brain for however long it takes to read it? Instant panic attack. It’s one of my triggers, and i know it is.

A coworker last year asked me to do script coverage for him because i lived in japan for 4 years, and his script was focused on some japanese stuff… and was so goddamn outlandish like i didn’t know what to say to him. It put me in a position i didn’t want to be in. How to be nice and still be friends, but also delicate about his art? It’s not a good place to put someone. I had a lot of panic attacks before I had to tell him I WILL ONLY TRANSLATE YOUR JAPANESE FOR YOU I DONT HAVE TIME TO READ THIS. And we haven’t spoken about it since.

Art is subjective, yes, but I would say writing is far more subjective. It’s not a visual medium. It’s a lot more about technical skill. And then you get into the story content and choice of words there. Unless you’re one of those 5 people I mentioned earlier, anon, chances are you don’t know my precise triggers and my very specific tastes as to what i’ll read. What I write and what I read aren’t necessarily related.

I see gift fic kind of as someone telling you to come over and watch a movie. You don’t get to choose the movie. The person who had you come over does, and they’re really excited about it only for you to find out its something you do NOT want to sit and waste part of your life with… but this is someone you wanna be nice to but god the suffering… i think we’ve all had some sort of experience like that. But dial it up a notch or three and toss in panic disorder and you have me.

I don’t like to be forced to have to read something i didn’t actively search out myself. It’s part of the reason i REALLY hate people asking me to ‘look over’ their fics for them. I am of course extremely flattered, but im a hack writer and my word isn’t better than anyone else’s, and i know there are beta readers out there who actively like to do the thing. But i have neither the time nor inclination to read something i didn’t pick myself. Like someone buying you clothes. They might know your size but then the style could not be to your liking, or maybe the size and style is just fine but the material is scratchy and rubs you the wrong way. It’s probably better off not buying someone clothes, yeah?

I think i’ve been pretty thorough explaining myself and my background with the whole idea and my thought process as to why i don’t necessarily like gift fic, anon. When it happens, i’ll usually click it, but it puts me in a fucking horrid situation i will do anything to get out of. I’ve had people do it in the past in order to try and get my ‘attention’ and manipulate me to promote them (and then i stopped writing for about 9 years) and i’ve already stated i’ll promote anyone who needs it, but just the whole idea behind gift fic rubs me the wrong way. And because of my severe anxiety and not wanting to possibly be misunderstood on the topic, you’ve gotten an epic written back about the hows and whys and the history behind me hating unsolicted fic recs… gift fic is kind of in the same category for me.

You can dedicate shit to me left and right if i’ve inspired you, that’s really bitchin and i’m glad! Just… don’t force me to have to read it, or put me in a position where you’re like “Hey i gifted this go read it. Did you read it? What did you think?” That is my LITERAL nightmare. Aside from very-real time constraints as i am a bartender and dont have all the free tie in the world, I’ve really gotta put my mental health as my main priority. I’m really really sorry if this hurts anyone’s feelings :( That’s clearly not my intent by the massive text wall i’ve written, but i just want to be fully understood that its not coming out of a place of unkindness, but more of mental self-preservation and aversion to situations which have triggered panic attacks in the past.

I hope i’ve been clear somewhat D:

#poisonjack answers #you guys can clearly tell when im under the strain of anxiety or not due to the sheer text wall responses i sometimes give HAHA #just... sorry if this is one of you who've gifted me work int he past D: it puts me in a really weird position #...like getting song fic or something without knowing i HATE it... ad then gifting me something like that... awkwaaaaard #LOL i REALLY hope no one's feelings are hurt :( i super appreciate any and all gestures like you guys are rad as hell #i dont want to be an ungracious asshole... gift fic is a weird territory #im probably the only one who would even think stuff ike this sorry D: want to explain myself properly

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anonoriginalorifamdisapontmentsl · 6 years

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Story Time, Big Dicks

Okay so I'm sure most of you guys know about the whole guys getting Magnum Condoms just to bost about a big dick that he doesn't have right? & How condoms can fit an arm & shit.

This is awkward okay, don't judge me

We'll My Boyfriend(Who is a Grower BTW) is really big okay (I'm not trying to brag or whatever I'm serious). & When we first got together i told him like shit you have a big pecker.

He is extremely self conscious & hates his body, he doesn't think hes big at all. I've told him so much. (Ps. Hes a bigish Regular size build dude, in the military, A Tat, & Ginger from the south, Lools like a stero type, but not a setro type) & When we went to have sex he would put on a regular sized condom, but he would take a long time adjusting it, then go limp, for no reason (yeah i know that happens, but this wasn't one of those cases).

After a few months, one day he uses the ones his mom stole from a health place to see about jerking off with it just to see how it is. After some cursing he comes back. I ask him whats wrong?

He said: "it hurt"

Me: what hurt

Him: I don't know i think it was faulty

Me: ummmm one sec try on the regular ones we use please.

He did & i finally notest that he wasn't getting as hard as he could (thats with him as turned on as much as possible too, i made sure)& his thighs where a purple red color, & his dick white. Thats when i was like

"shit i think we need to try different Condoms"

Him: what do you mean?

Me: look at your thighs, & My Squid is like when you squeeze your knuckles really hard, & he should be getting bigger & harder.

Him: we'll i stretch it out sometimes like a balloon but its the same. Its fine, hes fine

Me: NO YOU ARE NOT SUFFOCATING HIM HES MY SQUISHY!!!

Later on sometime we went to a sex shop & my new friend showed us Magnum Bareskin. We got the mini verity pack & found it was perfect fit, he could grow fully, & no deflates (well not for the condom reason) & no discoloration, & a whole lot more pleasure for both of us.

The reason the dick is different then an arm or something is, the nerves & flesh. Its very different to put an arm or a fruit or something than a dick.

Imagine you had to fit your tit into a thing like a condom that the size of your pinkie finger.

Basically what im saying is that, me & him are always given shit 'yeah right' looks when buying condoms. He doesn't like going in a lone to get them a lot of times, & to people it seems like hes showing off because of me. When Hes alone hes showing off for others. It bothers us a whole lot because we just need fucking protection to have sex. Why are you giving us shit? Im the one who Asked him get them for safety reasons. He still doesn't believe hes that big even though he wont get the Old ones

One day in the store we we're getting some & he was like : why do you make me get these ones

Me: well you can get the other ones, its your choice, i just wanted you to get them for your comfort & safety, because it seemed like you liked the new one more, but if you want the others, its up to you, its your body, I can't tell you what you think feels better.

His face was thinking & then got pained, like he was watching a dude get hit in the balls. Then i went to get some soap, when he caught up to me he got the Magnums.

Just Please Stop Shaming Dudes & Condoms. Its gotten to the point where we are being unsafe because of having to deal with people in this new level of harrassment. & When we do get them i Don't wanna have sex because i just keep thinking of them when i look or think of a condom, & its extremely hard to focus already with so much anxiety & PTSD in the sexual area adding that fucks up everything.

So Please If Someone Is Buying Something Especially Sex Related Don't Judge Them, Its Their Business Not Yours, You Could Be Damaging Them More Than They Already Are.

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shikkearu · 6 years

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Irreplaceable Part 10: Autumn Trip

Wattpad AO3

September came and all of the leaves had turned to different shades of brown, orange, red and yellow. The colourful splendor was amplified by the suns lower projection. The days were getting shorter and it was rare to even see the sun because nearly everyday there was a thick layer of clouds just ready to rain down at any moment. But now it had been dry all week so they had decided to do yard chores. Mihawk had trimmed the bushes and cut down the dead stems of summer flowers. There were still some autumn flowers full at bloom. Even if everything in the yard was withering away, it was still beautiful to be at. Perona was in awe of Mihawks green thumb and eye for beauty she suggested that if he hadn't become a lawyer, he would have made an amazing landscape designer. But Mihawk had a look on his face, that being a lawyer wasn't really a choice. She did not dare to pry any further, Mihawk was very sensitive about his past.

Zoro was growing extremely fast. He was excellent at running now and his vocabulary had grown with quite a few words. He was exited by the rare sunny day and by the leaves that Mihawk was now raking. He picked one and pointed it towards his grandfather.

- "Pwed!" he grinned. The leaf was in fact yellow. - "No, yellow." Mihawk shook his head.

Zoro puckered his lips, looked at the leaf in his hand and pointed it towards Perona who was picking up the cut branches.

- "Pwed." - "Yellow."

Not getting the answer he wanted he picked a different color leaf and pointed it towards Perona.

- "Pwed?" - "Yes. That is red."

Zoro looked triumphant and turned to Mihawk.

- "Pwed!"

Mihawk looked pleased and took some leaves into his hands and made them rain down on Zoro. Zoro giggled and ran to Perona, who wiped the dirt off of him. By now Mihawk had finished a pile of leaves. Zoro looked at it with gleaming eyes and darted. He clumsily fell on the pile and started throwing the leaves up in the air though he couldn't get them as high as he wanted. He pouted and looked at Perona.

- "Mama."

Perona left her work to join Zoro in his game. Mihawk sighed. He knew he was going to fix the pile over and over again.

- "Don't act all grumpy. We all know you're secretly enjoying this." Perona gave Mihawk an all knowing smile. He sighed again and went back to raking, though he had a light smirk on his lips now.

----

Zoro trembled when they came back inside. They had been outside a little longer than sensible for him, but they were all having so much fun to realize the cold.

- "Not good," Perona muttered while changing him into his warm bear pajamas. "Why didn't you say something?" She pouted and gave Mihawk a cold look. - "The cold never bothered me anyway."

Perona chuckled at the reference. She hadn't thought Mihawk actually paid attention to the movies she and Zoro were watching. He always looked so bored or was reading something.

- "I have an idea. Sit down."

Mihawk sat on his armchair without a second thought. Perona placed Zoro on his lap and then placed a blanket over the two. Engulfed in warmth Zoro yawned drowsily and started to droop. Mihawk gently leaned him against his chest.

- "I am trapped. Did you even think of who would make dinner?" - "Me." Perona pointed at herself. Under Mihawks tutoring her cooking skills had gotten better. "And if it's not edible we can always order pizza. You just lay back and relax. Don't you old people need to nap anyway." Perona snickered. - "I'm not that old." - "Want me to bring your book?" - "If you won't mind. It's on my desk."

Perona cheerily went to the study. It was messy there. The beautiful thick carpet was finally laid on the floor. On it were a couple of pillows and a thick blanket. It was soft under her feet so she could understand why Mihawk would lay on it. A neat stack of old photo albums were in the mids of it all, one album was left wide open. Mihawk had been arranging photos of himself, Zoro and Perona there. There were pieces of paper where Mihawk had written a date and a small description. She chuckled at a picture of Zoro having his face in a grimace. "Zoro tasting lemons." She was happy that Mihawk had started to take pictures. She would not have even noticed to, everything had been a bit of a haze after her husband had died. How Mihawk found the time to do an album like this, she didn't know. He probably didn't sleep much during the night since he spend his free-time with her and Zoro. She carefully looked at the album cover. With glittery pastel coloured letters it had "Family - Zoro's here" written on it and Perona recognized it as one of her husbands. She looked at the other albums, which were dull brown and only had the starting and ending date written on them.

She went back to the newer album and flicked through the pages not caring if she was messing up Mihawks work. She finally found the point where Mihawk had started working on the album. Two pages had been left blank and on the third the first picture was of Mihawk changing Zoro's nappy, she had taken when they had moved in.

"Pappa reporting for duty."

Perona had been upset for Mihawk touching the album, but a warm feeling settled in her heart and she smiled. She carefully fixed what she had done and went to the desk to pick up the book. It was still full of papers and files, but the photos had been uncovered. And next to them was a new one of Perona holding Zoro.

- "Just as tacky as his son," Perona mused to herself whilst grabbing the book.

----

Mihawk looked drowsy as he was leaning back to his chair while lazily petting Zoro's head, who was fully asleep by now. Perona snuck into the room and offered Mihawk his book. He shook a bit as if woken from a deep slumber and took it.

- "What took you so long?" his voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat as quietly as he could. - "I took a look at the photo albums and forgot what I was doing."

Mihawk looked slightly surprised before rubbing the bridge of his nose.

- "It was supposed to be a surprise." - "It's good I found it like that. I might have snapped if you had just presented it to me. It made me a bit angry that you'd gone and messed with his photo album." - "Sorry. I didn't think of it that way." His voice was silent and his brows slightly burrowed. - "It's okay. It looked good. Might I suggest something, though?"

Mihawk looked at her expectantly.

- "On the blank pages that you left in between, I would like to have a picture of him, his name and the date of birth and death. As prettily done as possible." Her eyes and smile were bright and Mihawk couldn't help, but smile warmly at the sight. - "I'll do my best." - "You better," she was cheery and turned towards the kitchen. It was high time she started making the dinner. But she was stopped by Mihawk.

- "Come here."

She went back to him and leaned a bit closer. Mihawk reached towards her face and she closed her eyes. He gently touched her hair and she could feel a slight tug as if he had removed something.

- "There was a stick stuck to your hair," he said it with a blank look and offered it to Perona. "Please, dispose of it."

Perona took it and hastily went to the kitchen. She threw the stick in the bin and leaned to a counter. Her face was deep crimson, because she had thought he would touch her cheek. She pressed them a little before starting to gather the ingredients.

"Just a simple mistake, anyone could have thought that."

She shivered at the thought. No one would make such conclusion. She must have been slightly confused because Mihawk and his son were so much alike. He would have just reached for her to pick something off or pet her cheek. He would always laugh if she closed her eyes and expected a caress.

"Did you think- Oh you silly little thing. Let me pet your cheek since you want me to."

She blushed at the memory and gently touched her cheek remembering how warm his hands were and how loving that smile was. And she became angry at herself.

She had feelings like that only towards her husband, definitely not towards Mihawk. Her husband had been dead for less than three months. She couldn't move on this fast. She wont! Only thing she could be feeling for Mihawk was familial love. She was not into him in the slightest. The emotions after seeing him continue the album were just mixing her up. Nothing else.

Angrily she started on making the food. It came out edible, but she was still miffed by the odd moment. She went to Mihawk to tell him dinner was ready. He was fast asleep, but Zoro in his arms wasn't. He was playing with Mihawks book and just before he could rip a page, Perona took him into her arms. Mihawk didn't wake up, just adjusted his position. He sighed deep and Peronas heart fluttered.

- "So cute," she let out an adoring sigh, but quickly got annoyed at her own reaction. She started poking Mihawks cheek in a rough manner. Zoro tried to mimic, but because he couldn't reach Mihawks cheek he settled onto poking Peronas which made her poke Mihawks with more fury. He quickly opened his eyes and gave her an annoyed glare.

- "Dinner is ready, old man," she announced, but didn't stop her assault. Finally frustrated Mihawk pushed her hand aside. The more this girl regained her old self the more capricious she seemed to become. She was loud, headstrong when she wanted, annoying, but never obnoxious. And she was sweet, kind and still more hurt than she let on. He liked all those things about her.

Zoro giggled happily. He found Mihawks annoyed look hilarious. And Mihawk liked Zoro a lot too. Very different from his father and very much like his mother, or maybe he's the perfect mix of both.

Mihawk was genuinely exited to see these children grow and flourish.

----

- "I think it's about time." Mihawk looked thoughtful and leaned into his hand. - "To do what?" Perona directed her attention towards him and not the futile battle of keeping Zoros food from going all over the place. Zoro was determined to eat by himself no matter what.

- "Visit his grave," he said gravely as if it was the most hardest thing to suggest. - "Do you really want to?" She was concerned because Mihawk didn't usually sound so forced. - "I haven't been there since the funeral. Somehow the thought of it feels hard." - "Same," she agreed quietly.

Zoro sensed the sudden downswing of the mood and looked extremely worried. - "Mama?"

Perona chuckled and wiped some food off of his chin. - "Want me to spoon your food?" - "No," Zoro cheered. He was pleased to have lifted her mood again. - "Hey, let's take some flowers from the yard. He would like that."

Mihawk nodded. It had been decided.

----

It was a cold day. So they had dressed accordingly, though Perona wished she could have worn something super nice instead of her bright red jacket and black jeans. To show off to her husband how well she was doing right now. Well, at least how much better it was now than a month back. Mihawk was wearing a knee length black jacket and his amazing hat, though anyone with normal sense of style would say it looked weird, but Perona appreciated his choice of style. Zoro had a tiger jumpsuit on that was obviously getting too small for him, a painful reminder that time did indeed move forward. Her husband had liked it on him a lot so she wanted Zoro to wear it as long as it would be possible.

They walked through the cemetery. It was positioned near water and was a very scenic place to be at any time of the year. The light played between the trees and there was a little bit of fog. It seemed near magical there. Perona carried a bouquet she had hand picked herself from Mihawks yard. She felt good coming to a cemetery, even if it was to see her husbands grave. It was her sort of aesthetic and it was a very beautiful day.

Mihawk was pushing Zoro's stroller a little bit behind. Both of them were slightly enthralled by her. For Mihawk her cheery skipping and all the colours felt out of place, but in a sort of good way. Zoro just liked the way her hair bounced with each step.

But the closer to the grave they got the more her speed went down and steps got heavier. It was nice shadowy place and the red granite stone shone beautiful, it's colour contrasting with the golden letters of his name. There were some withered flowers, that Perona picked up in her free hand. Mihawk lifted Zoro off of his stroller. He was eager to stretch out, but the mood of the two adults made him halt. He was better at reading the situations now and something told him that now was important to be calm. Mihawk was squatting behind him ready to catch him if he did decide to make a run for it. Perona crouched next to them and placed the fresh bouquet on the grave. Zoro took a couple of careful steps and gave the flowers an assuring pat. Mihawk petted his head, making Zoro smile. They stayed like that in silence. The autumn wind blew cold and the aspen leaves rustled. But soon Zoro grew restless and grabbed onto his mother and tried shaking her. Perona smiled weakly and hugged him, though he answered with an anxious grunt.

- "I wish that where ever he is now, it's peaceful like this." She rose with Zoro in her arms.

Mihawk stayed down and wiped the smooth surface of the stone. A heavy sigh and his shoulders slumped. Perona couldn't see his face because of his hat, but she had a pretty good idea what he was thinking about. She put Zoro back into his stroller and crouched next to him, before looking at him.

- "He always talked very highly of you. He never seemed to resent you for being away so much. I didn't understand why back then, but I do now. He was an adult, capable of taking care of himself and being able to live your own life didn't make you a bad father. You did your best and it was good enough."

Mihawk looked back at her and Perona swallowed in surprise to see him so sad. Mihawk had never been so openly showing his feelings. His grieving face was filled with gentle softness. Her heart filled with empathy for the man, but before she could say anything more Mihawk smiled somewhat bitter though he did not mean to.

- "Thank you." He rose and started pushing Zoro. "Lets go do something fun."

Perona quickly followed, but got soon left behind. Mihawk turned to see what was taking her so long. Her gaze was on the ground and she shook with her hands clenched into tight fists. Finally she threw the old flowers on the ground and stomped on them, letting her frustration show.

- "I hate him. To suddenly vanish like that and leave us behind. He's so selfish. And not a sign to show that he is in anyway here. I hate him, hate him, hate him!"

Now big tears were rolling down her face. She tried to wipe them off, but new ones kept emerging. Mihawk left Zoro and walked back to Perona.

- "I never want to fall in love again!" She whimpered. - "Then don't."

She looked at him with round eyes. He took her hand and looked back at her.

- "The only ones you need to love are Zoro and yourself. No one else."

She looked at him in surprise and then laughed.

- "Horo horo! I'll love Moria too and Cindry and Absa." She had a smug smile. "I'll even love you a little bit." All Mihawk did to reply was smile gently.

They walked back to Zoro, who was wiggling in his stroller, anxious to get away. Perona kneeled to him and he looked at her angrily, little bit of snot dripping down his nose.

- "Horo horo horo! I'll definitely love you the most."

#one piece #perona #mihawk #MihawkxPerona #mihopero #dracule mihawk #ミホペロ #Irreplaceable #fanfic

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likeshipsonthesea · 6 years

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Ooby Dooby (1/?)

[1] [2]

Inspired by this because I just couldn’t not. The title is from the Wiggles, because Fruit Salad is my jam.

*~*~*

As he sits on a park bench at eight forty-two in the morning, sipping horrible coffee and watching as two toddlers systemically undress a Barbie doll in a sandbox while their mothers gossip about some woman named Susan five feet away, Nursey regrets every decision he ever made. Okay, not every decision, but one decision specifically; his decision to take Lardo up on her bet during their game of flip cup last week.

See, the problem is that Drunk Nursey (an entity deserving of its own capitals) is far more confident than Regular Nursey is on a daily basis. Which means, unfortunately for Nursey’s general wellbeing, that when Drunk Nursey is in control, it usually leads to a further drunken Nursey and also horribly overconfident decisions. So Nursey accepted Lardo’s challenge to a game of flip cup (horrible decision number one) and then, after losing twice, accepted the bet Lardo proposed; if he won, she’d make the cover art for his next novel, but if she won, he had to write a children’s book for her to illustrate.

Neither of them were particularly invested in children’s literature, but Lardo had been itching to do something new since her last gallery opening. Sadly all of the stories she came up with were fairly unimaginative, the best of them being a story about a little girl losing a shoe and realizing in the end that it wasn’t the shoe she had gained, but the friends she made along the way. So yeah, she wanted help.

And Nursey, of course, lost terribly and then proceeded to sign a napkin stating that he couldn’t reneg on his offer, which Shitty got notarized through some definitely sketchy means, so now Nursey was at a children’s park at eight in the morning on a Saturday because he hadn’t had experience with a child since he was one, and he’s pretty sure the nineties was a hundred years ago, kid-wise, and he has no idea what kind of book a child would like to read.

He was half-expecting some indignant mother to come up to him and accuse him of being a pedo or something when something big and fast hits him in the head and knocks the living beejesus out of him.

His coffee, which was shit to begin with because apparently no one thought to start up a good coffee shop near where exhausted parents hang out (really poor decision making on Starbucks’ part), goes everywhere, including Nursey’s pants, leaving a giant brownish stain surrounding the crotch, which implies a confusing mix of pissing and shitting himself at the same time.

“Shit,” he hears someone say, and he’s about to wholeheartedly agree when he looks up and sees the most beautiful lumberjack he’s ever seen in his life. The man, who Nursey can only assume is the lovechild of Aphrodite and Hephaestus who got the best of both worlds from his parents’ genes, has a grimace on his face, holding a blue rubber ball in one hand and a child in his other.

Oh sweet lord who thought it was okay to give this man a child? Nursey thinks helplessly, watching as the wind blows at the man’s gorgeous, soft looking orange hair, ruffling it prettily. He’s got on a red flannel, a t-shirt on under that, and a tan leather jacket over the whole thing that looks worn and soft and Nursey wants to live inside this man’s jacket, what the fuck.

“Are you okay?” the man asks, and Nursey wants to tell him no, no I am not, I just realized that actual mythical beings live among us and I need to sit down for a second, but he doesn’t say that because he has been walking around and talking to people for about twenty four years now, and if that’s taught him anything, you cannot disclose your belief in the supernatural during a first meeting. (He takes a moment to mourn that one date back in sophomore year of college where he rambled on about ghosts for forty minutes and then, when he asked the girl out again via text, she’d just sent back the ghost emoji and a thumbs down. Nursey shakes his head; so harsh.)

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Nursey says. Then he realizes that no, hot coffee in your nether regions doesn’t really put you in the Fine column, but chooses not to correct himself. Hot Lumberjack Father already looks so upset, and Nursey thinks he’s probably about to be arrested for violating the Geneva Convention just by putting that frown on Hot Lumberjack Father’s face.

“I can reimburse you for the dry-cleaning,” the man says, which Nursey almost laughs at because he’s wearing jeans, not a three-piece suit.

“It’s fine, man, they’re just jeans.” He shrugs, frowning down at himself a little because the coffee’s getting cold. “I’ll just put them in the wash.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Hot Lumberjack Father rubs at the back of his neck, sheepish, as the adorable child in his arms has taken the ball from him. The child, Nursey realizes, is obviously HLF’s son (he decides then that he needs an initialism or he’s just be saying Hot Lumberjack Father in his head, which is too many syllables and will take time away from staring at HLF’s face and sighing) as he’s got the same color hair, the same nose, and the same adorable smattering of freckles all over his face. The kid, it seems, is also three seconds from crying.

“Hurt?” the kid asks, whimpering a little, and HLF curses again, softly.

“No, no, Parker, it’s fine, you didn’t hurt him.” It’s instant, HLF turns all of his attention to his kid, bouncing a little instinctively and murmuring soft noises, and Nursey already wants to marry this man just so he can watch him soothe children on a daily basis.

“It’s fine, little dude,” Nursey says, grinning at the kid, Parker, in a way he hopes is charming and not going to get him arrested. “I needed a shower anyway.”

Parker blinks slowly and he’s got the same pretty eyes as his dad does (which Nursey means in a non-creepy, totally factual way) and his lip wobbles. “Weally?” he asks, and fuck it, both HLF and his son have stolen Nursey’s heart, mind, and soul, he is done, he can lie down on the ground and die now because this is everything he will ever need to see.

“Of course,” Nursey says, brightly despite his inner utter collapse of everything he ever thought he knew. “Look at these jeans, they’ve got holes in them.” Nursey adopts a solemn expression. “You’ve done me a big favor, really. Now I can go buy new ones.”

Parker looks hesitant for a moment before smiling shyly, which makes his father sigh in relief, and Nursey is inordinately proud of himself for causing it. “Shopping good,” he says after a moment. “Spidaman.”

HLF waves his free hand haphazardly. “We went shopping the other day,” he explains, “and he got Spiderman pajamas. I think he loves them more than me.” The man rolls his eyes (and Nursey is like three seconds away from telling HLF that Nursey can love him enough for the whole world which is way too much) and adjusts Parker on his hip.

“I hear that. I got a Captain America t-shirt a few months back and it’s the best thing I’ve ever bought.” Nursey is delighted when Parker, and therefore his father, lights up at the mention of Captain America. Which is how he ends up in a half-hour conversation with a two year old about Civil War, which is mostly the both of them agreeing and raving about Sam Wilson, so that’s awesome.

Eventually, as toddlers are wont to do, Parker gets distracted and toddles off towards the sandbox, leaving Nursey alone with HLF (who introduced himself as Dex when there was a break in the conversation. “Hockey nickname,” he’d explained, and Nursey wondered where he could get an engagement ring close by.)

“He doesn’t usually like strangers,” Dex says, watching his son with a practiced ease while still kind of looking at Nursey. He smiles, though, and looks at Nursey fully for a full moment. “You must be special.”

“I like kids,” Nursey manages to get out between internally combusting and thanking Drunk Nursey for getting him into this situation. He doesn’t give Drunk Nursey nearly enough credit sometimes.

Dex’s eyebrows go up just slightly. “You have any?” he asks, and Nursey realizes that sitting on a park bench on a Saturday morning, watching children play, is so exceedingly creepy when you don’t actually have a kid of your own. And he can’t just explain that he’s only here because his drunk self makes horrible decisions, not if he doesn’t want Dex to pick up his son and run away horrified, and Nursey is just about to panic when his mouth somehow gains control without his knowing and answers for him.

“Yeah, he’s about Parker’s age.” What the fuck.

“Oh.” Dex smiles and looks towards the playground. “Which one is yours?”

“He’s not here,” Nursey gets out quickly before his mouth can fuck him over again and point to any random kid out here to claim as his own. He doesn’t care how gorgeous Dex is, he isn’t going to go pick up a random child and risk getting his name on some list just to earn Dex’s affection. “He’s with his mom,” he says, thanking the Lord that he is a writer and can make up fairly good bullshit on the spot. “It’s her weekend.” As an afterthought, he adds, “I missed the noise.”

Dex’s expression goes soft and understanding, and holy fuck Nursey is taking advantage of a young father almost exclusively because he can actually see Dex’s arm definition through three layers of fabric. He is going to hell. “Yeah, I get that.” He looks over at Parker, who is now smiling happily at a handful of sand. “Whenever he stays with my parents I go out of my mind missing him.”

“His mom doesn’t keep you company?” Nursey thought he was hella smooth, inquiring after Dex’s singleness like that, but then Dex’s expression kind of crumbles and Nursey hisses idiot silently to himself.

“Parker’s mom doesn’t really want anything to do with us,” he says, his eyes darkening.

Nursey panics, trying to think of a way to salvage this (which, he’s already fucked, he made up a fictitious child, he isn’t going to save this unless can impregnate a woman like two years ago and/or steal a child, which, nah) and he says, “Her loss, then,” with as much earnest emphasis as he can manage.

Dex looks back at him, his expression turning lighter, considering, as he looks at Nursey. Nursey hopes he’s thinking something along the lines of “You’re really cute and good with my son and I’ll totally forgive you for making up the existence of a human being because I can tell you give good head” but is probably actually “This guy is weird and I should probably get Parker out of here before we end up on the news”.

Dex surprises him, however, because he says, “We have to get going- I have a shift I can’t miss and I need to drop him off at my sister’s beforehand- but we should meet up sometime. Maybe have a playdate?” Dex looks so beautiful, so carefully hopeful like he knows Nursey is going to turn him down, and, look. Really, Nursey is about to turn him down, something about being too busy or how his kid is allergic to the sun (he doesn’t fucking know) but then Dex says, “Parker doesn’t really have any friends his age and it’d be nice if- well, it’d be nice.” And then he smiles, soft and kind and all gorgeous and shit, and come on, you can’t expect Nursey to have that much self control (see: how he got in this situation in the first place).

So he says yes. He gives Dex his number and Dex texts him and then Dex is in his phone, beautifully, godlike, lumberjack, hockey-playing Dex, and Nursey only just manages to keep himself from caressing the screen in front of Dex. Dex calls Parker back over and picks him up again, and they both wave bye with the best matching grins on their faces, and Nursey watches them leave, sighing, because he hadn’t even been thinking about his future beyond this stupid children’s book an hour ago but now he knows, knows, that Dex and Parker are all he wants in his life.

When father and son are finally out of his sight, Nursey makes a group chat on his phone with everyone his knows and trusts (so, like, Shitty, Lardo, and Ransom and Holster, and then he adds Jack for good measure). He sends one message

Nursey to All

anyone know where I can get a toddler?

#nurseydex #dexnursey #derek nurse #nursey #check please #william poindexter #dex #kid fic #ficlet #my writing #i love that tweet okay #and i guess i'm in a writing mood lately #it's better than homework at least

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