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escapewithbts · 3 years

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Secrets in a Foreign Language (Part Seven) - Jungkook

sorry it took so long for an update!

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You were heartbroken. How someone you hadn’t known very long could make it hurt so badly you weren’t sure. But man, did it hurt.

So many times over the next week you debated just showing up at his place, hearing his side, figuring out a next step together. You missed him.

But then you would recall him telling you to get in the closet, acting like a coward, like you were his meaningless dirty little secret. Reminding yourself of these things kept you from going over there.

In fact, you barely left your apartment at all. The same loneliness of when you first moved to Seoul becoming ever so prevalent again. You vowed to try and go out and make friends when all this Jungkook stuff was just a distant memory.

However, it proved difficult to make it all fade away in your mind since you were still scheduled to clean his apartment. To go back to the place where it all came to a beginning. And an abrupt end.

With hesitation, you slipped the key into the lock of the front door the following Tuesday. You insisted he not be there that last time you saw him, but what if he wanted to reconcile? You gulped and opened the black wooden door.

Silence.

He wasn’t on the couch in front of the tv waiting for you. He wasn’t in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. He wasn’t in the master bathroom taking a quick shower. Jungkook wasn’t here. You didn’t know if you felt relieved or disappointed, but you didn’t give yourself time to think about it as you immediately noticed the state of the home. It wasn’t cleaned like all the weeks prior. It was lived in, messy even.

So that was it. Back to square one. You alone in the apartment of a famous and wealthy Korean celebrity with a job to do.

A few days later you were laying on the couch in your studio loft apartment. It was dark outside since it was 12:47am, the only light was coming from the iridescent blue glow of the television. This had become a routine now, you turning on the tv but not watching anything in particular, just so there was noise and something to get your mind off everything. Some nights you never even made it upstairs to your bed.

And tonight your eyes began to slowly drift shut, your thoughts traveling elsewhere, the beginning of sleep taking over.

All of the sudden, you heard Jungkook’s name from the television. Or had you dreamt it? However, when your eyes opened in shock and confusion, his ever familiar face appeared on the screen. It was the same show you had seen while scrolling channels at Jungkook’s a couple months ago you realized, the trashy one where random people discuss the lives of famous actors and musicians. You sat up and tried to focus on the delayed English subtitles coming up at the bottom of the screen.

“… an official statement from both their companies was released.”

“So, it is true?”

“I would say that solidifies it.”

Cho-hee’s picture popped up. Followed by one taken outside at night of her and Jungkook walking and laughing. Then a graphic of a zig-zag shaped rip formed between their bodies, and the picture ripped in half, a broken heart and crying face appearing between them.

“Wow. They seemed so happy. I really thought this would last.”

“They’re so young and busy, no need to settle down yet.”

“But still, this begs the question… is love even real?”

*laughter*

Then they moved on to talking about another kpop idol.

Your felt your heart pound inside your chest. Jungkook and Cho-hee had “broken up”? Their companies had let them? They were no longer in a secret fake relationship? You couldn’t help but wonder what happened.

With shaky hands, you picked up your phone from the coffee table and opened the internet. Curiosity was getting the better of you, your desire to read those statements greater than your will to stop yourself from trying to remove all evidence of Jeon Jungkook from your brain.

‘Hello,

This is a representative from HYBE Corporation commenting in regard to the relationship between our artist Jeon Jungkook and fellow artist Kim Cho-hee. At this time, Ms. Kim and Mr. Jeon have mutually decided to part ways due to their careers and lack of schedule alignment. Going forward, there will no longer be any updates on the matter, and any information regarding their relationship from outside sources is invalid. Please respect the artists’ decision and privacy during this time.

Thank you.

HYBE Corp.: PR Department’

You stared at your phone in shock, rereading it a couple times to make sure it was real.

So, they really ended their fake relationship? Was because of Jungkook or Cho-hee? Or their companies? What was the real reason? Who was the perpetrator?

So many theories and questions ran through your head, furthering your exhaustion, and soon enough you drifted off to sleep, head full of images and thoughts of Jeon Jungkook.

The following Tuesday started off like any other. The sound of your alarm blaring woke you up out of a deep sleep at 4:00 in the morning. You groaned and hit the snooze button, questioning why you chose a job where you had to work so early… and basically all your other life decisions. (You were, in fact, not a morning person).

Eventually you sat up and rubbed your puffy eyes, removing the sleep from their corners. You yawned and stretched your arms up high before reaching for your phone on your nightstand. You checked Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, of course, then like every morning, you opened your work schedule, just to see if there had been any changes to the course of the day ahead.

And boy, was there.

For under the 2pm slot was the same unit number that had been there for weeks, however this time one word next to it caught your immediate attention.

Vacancy.

You stopped dead in your tracks.

Wait, what?

Clearly this was wrong. This was Jungkook’s apartment! There was no way it was now empty. He had never mentioned the fact that he wanted to move, that he was going to move. This would have come up in a conversation with him at least once if it was this sudden.

Yes, his stuff would still be there when you arrived to clean this afternoon. He still owned it, still lived there. He wasn’t gone. Right?

Wrong.

To your surprise, when you opened the door, the entire apartment was empty. Everything was gone. It was cold and echo-y and barren. Dust covered the hardwood floors of the living room where the rug had laid. Harsh sunlight poured in through the large windows, no longer shielded by the curtains that had previously been hanging there. The walls were now bare, small holes left from the various works of art that were once on display.

The memories of the times being with Jungkook flooded your brain almost instantly. Playing games and watching shows and movies on his large sofa. The time he admitted he was cleaning just so he could hang out with you. When you would two would sit at the kitchen island and eat delicious food, talking and laughing about anything and everything. When he told you he had feelings for you. The first of many times you made love.

Overcome by those thoughts, you finally allowed yourself to break down.

The sound of your sobs and unsteady breathes bounced off the walls and echoed throughout the room, tears cascading down your hot cheeks.

Maybe you were being dramatic. Maybe Jungkook had turned out to be a coward. Maybe he had been using you for sex and company. Maybe he had lied about having feelings for you. Who knows?

But even if had been all pretend for him, you had still fallen in love with him.

You could finally admit that the past two weeks since you saw him last you may have been holding on to some kind of hope. Hope that he wasn’t a coward, hadn’t been using you, did have feelings for you; and all that would become evident if you ever saw each other again, if he was ever at his apartment when you came to clean like he had been so many other times.

But now it was as if the universe was laughing at you for falling for someone so unattainable and complicated.

He was gone, and you had no way of contacting him.

Eventually you pulled yourself together enough to start the long cleaning process for a vacant unit. Every surface, cupboard, drawer, nook and cranny had to be spotless so new potential buyers could tour the home.

You started in the living room: vacuuming, mopping and dusting, making sure the floor, walls, and windows were shining.

Then you moved into the adjoining kitchen, spraying and wiping every countertop, the refrigerator, the island. You even had to open each drawer and cabinet to wipe those down, too.

But as you opened the last upper cabinet to clean its inside as well, you suddenly caught your breath in your throat.

For there inside the cupboard was a box of cereal. Your favorite cereal. The same kind of cereal you had eaten with Jungkook in this very kitchen the first day you met.

He must have just left it on accident.

With a shaky hand, you grabbed it and brought it down to eye level. That’s when you noticed the envelope taped to the front of the box.

Your heart pounding, you ripped it off and tore it open.

Inside was a letter, and as you unfolded it something fell out and into your hand.

It was a ticket.

To a BTS fanmeeting event.

What?

Your eyes moved to the handwritten letter.

‘There are so many things I wish I had done differently. You didn’t deserve what I asked of you that day. I’m so sorry I handled everything so poorly. I don’t blame you for questioning everything and leaving. I was a coward. I know this now.

Please, please come see me. Please come to this event. I understand if you don’t. I just want nothing more than to see you and talk to you again.’

And then, at the very bottom,

‘보고 싶어요

사랑해요

JK’.

Masterlist

Author’s note: The two phrases in Korean at the end mean “I miss you” and “I love you”(!!!!).

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aliceinteyvat · 3 years

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Genshin Impact Idol AU ideas

So we all know the groups Veechu made with 4nemo, DCKZ, L/yue and, TVT DREAM however, I thought it was a crime the actual idol Barbara wasn’t in a group so, I made my own! I do not have the skills to draw this so, I will be including concept photos by actual groups(older and newer as well as the time in those examples i think suits them just for an example bts run era - dope era for a boy group) for the general vibe. Click on their names for a link to the kpop wiki about them. I also won’t include Lumine because many fans have made their own headcanons for that I like.

Feel free to use the ideas I added to this in fanworks just please credit me for the idea of the groups I made myself if you do. All will be under the read more so mobile users don’t break their fingers trying to scroll past. Wiki links are included for each real world inspiration. If looking for a specific character use ctrl+f on PC to search for them to make your life easier.

Note: their stories can be changed if you would like to make it different for your art/writing/whatever. I just think a bit of drama makes them feel more real. None of the stories are 100% based on any real group even their inspirations aren’t direct copies. As new characters are released/shown in stories I will be adding onto existing groups I made up or, making new ones so if you like my ideas save this and come back to it.

7evelUp! [pronounced Level Up!]

A rookie girl group created from the top seven trainees(voted by judges & public vote) in a survival show that quickly gained international fame from their debut single and, performance. No one doubts their talents however, some question how legitimate the voting/ranking was in the show. No one blames the girls themselves for this and, there is no real evidence to prove this. All of the members believe the show to be real due to their own experiences too although, a few of them due to their low self-esteem believe other trainees would’ve been better suited in the group even if they are thankful for the support. It will take a while for all of them to adjust and, have it all feel real. Will they rise to super stardom or, crack under the immense pressure?

- Members

Amber (leader, main dancer) 3rd place(got the leader position because she is the one who brought every team she was in together to usually win the challenges showing her leadership skills not from ranking)

Barbara (main vocalist,maknae,center) 1st place

Noelle (lead dancer,visual) 6th place

Sucrose (lead vocalist) 7th place

Xiangling (lead dancer, lead rapper) 5th place

Yanfei (main rapper,oldest) 2nd place

Yoimiya (lead rapper, vocalist) 4th place

- Real World Inspirations

Weeekly(Tag Me era - 7Days Tension era)

Girls’ Generation(Into the New World era-Gee era)

TWICE(Like Ooh Aah era - Heart Shaker era)

SYZYGY

An unconventional girl group with a unique sound. Despite their enormous amount of talent/skill , they haven’t been as successful as their small company had hoped. However, they continue to invest everything they can into this group much to the displeasure of the other idols under the company. Will their burning hot passion find success with the masses or, will they disband early leaving their company in complete ruin?

- Members

Hu Tao (leader, main rapper, vocalist)

Fischl (lead vocalist, lead rapper, maknae)

Mona (lead dancer, vocalist, visual)

Rosaria (main dancer, vocalist, rapper, oldest)

Xinyan (main vocalist, dancer,center)

- Real World Inspirations

Dreamcatcher (Chase Me era - Odd Eye era)

1NB (Stalker era - Once again, Winter era)

1MP@CT [prounced Impact]

A previously underrated boy group that seemingly appeared out of thin air on the #1 spots of all major top music charts. Most attribute their overnight success to their newest song going viral on social media but, some who work within their company secretly wonder if it has anything to do with the CEO’s private life and, the new anonymous investors. Regardless, they have made a name for themselves. They have a work ethic like no other and, will do whatever necessary to rise to the top. Even though fans are starting to worry their agency is pushing them too far. Will they become legendary performers the kind that future generations remember by name or, will their boss’ dirty little secrets make them guilty by association to the press when/if the time comes?

- Members

Baizhu (leader, lead vocalist, lead dancer)

Dainsleif (main rapper, lead dancer, maknae)

Scaramouche (main dancer, lead rapper, oldest, center)

Albedo (main vocalist,visual)

- Real World Inspirations

Big Bang (Fantastic Baby era - Bang Bang Bang era)

ATEEZ (Wonderland era - Fireworks era)

B.A.P (Badman era - Hands Up era)

DoDoCo

A junior girl group for kids/tweens made(and managed) by Alice to promote her daughter Klee and, have her gain experience for her dream of being a real idol. Although they perform, act, model and, release music similar older groups they still are children so, their concepts are always wholesome feel-good things to appeal to kid’s even younger their age or, younger. They also don’t have the same restrictions or, work hours due to their age. This group is very popular with Elementary schoolers and, sometimes even their families but, can be annoying to anyone older due to how cheesy it all is.

(Note: I don’t personally agree with kids being idols irl especially some I’ve seen that look like older teen/adult idols it’s scary. However, since it is a thing that exists and, this is a fictional head canon let’s pretend this is a world where none of them get hurt and can live pretty normal lives during & after their time as idols if they choose to do so. I just didn’t want to leave a playable character/important story character out of the AU entirely. Also, Sayu would be here but since she’s not officially released yet and, we don’t know any story about her I think it’s best for her to join later.)

- Members

Klee (leader, main dancer, vocalist, maknae,center)

Diona (main rapper, dancer)

Qiqi (vocalist, oldest)

Yaoyao (main vocalist, rapper)

- Real World Inspirations

RE:KIDS ANGEL (Ocean era) note: also their only era so far it seems but, apparently RE:KIDS is a larger thing with many other kids kpop groups so I assume others would have a similar concept.

CutieL (Debut era - Jungle Journey era)

Dandelion

A girl group that has stayed at the top for the past 7 years known for their elegant concepts although, they have had other concepts in the past(sexy, cute, etc.). Not only is Dandelion super famous but, each member has their own solo careers just as successful. Outside of the group Jean is known for her solo albums and, charity work. Lisa is known for her modelling career and, secretly is a successful author under a pen name. Eula is known for her many wins on dancing contest shows and, the many important roles she plays in dramas. Since this year marks the dreaded 7 year curse fans worry they might disband or, go on a permanent hiatus. Before this year they seemed inseparable to fans but, something happened during their last tour. Jean and, Lisa who were known to be best friends suddenly won’t even sit next to each other. Eula who was usually more reserved during interviews is having to do most of the work since they’re just awkwardly sitting on the opposite sides of her. Eula has never been the best at public speaking and, her blunt responses are causing antis to go on huge smear campaigns on social media. Jean who previously wanted to renew her contract is thinking about starting her own company. Lisa who previously wanted to renew her contract now wants to leave and, join a modelling agency. Eula still wants to renew her contract but, she doesn’t want to be solo yet. She is trying her hardest to get the group back together but, her harsh personality is only making the problem worse she feels. Will they stay together or, will they split? And if they stay together, will it be the same Dandelion fans fell in love with or, are some bridges burned forever?

- Members

Jean (leader, main vocalist, center, dancer)

Lisa (main rapper, visual, sub vocalist, oldest)

Eula (main dancer, vocalist, maknae)

- Real World Inspirations

IZ*ONE (Violeta era - Panorama era)

GFRIEND (Sunrise era - Mago era)

TWICE (Fancy era - Alcohol Free era)

Solo Idols

- Ayaka

From a wealthy Inazuman family Kamisato Ayaka (known as Ayaka) shocked the entire nation when she decided to stop pursuing traditional dance(which she had earned many honors and, was famous for since she was a small child) and, instead go overseas to become an idol. Due to her connections it wasn’t long after becoming a trainee that she was put on the same survival show that formed 7evelUp!. However, her good luck ran out when after filming she got into an accident in her company’s car on the way to her company’s trainee dorms. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured but, she sustained an injury to her ankle that made her unable to perform for the rest of the show and, therefore was disqualified. She was a fan favorite and, everyone was heartbroken that she couldn’t compete. Due to her popularity, her company decided that if she could prove she was able to work after being healed they would let her have a solo debut. She far surpassed their expectations being even better than she was before, resulting in her debuting the same time 7evelUp! did. She doesn’t have any negative feelings towards those girls but, she views them as her rivals. She is quickly gaining popularity for her insane talent in singing, dancing, acting, modelling and, song-writing. She is known to the media as “The Idol Princess” for her family’s wealth, her talent and, her graceful demeanor. Don’t put her into a box though, she can pull off any concept with ease. The question is though, will her company allow her the freedom to express herself to the fullest?

- Real World Inspirations

Note: I am not saying she would be super similar to these artist’s work but, I am saying she has the range and, the potential to reach this level of fame. Since I can’t pinpoint a single solo artist that has what I think she would do I’ll put the ones I think have the insane talent and fame I think she would have as well as a similar feeling although it will take a while for her to get to their level

- IU

- Taeyeon

That was all of the Genshin Impact characters that I know enough about currently to feel comfortable making headcanons for them! Let me know what you think and if you make fanfic of or fanart of these ideas please credit me for these specifically and veechu for the idea of the idol au in general! Feel free to spread this post around if you want to or repost it too with credit. I also would love it if you tagged me if it’s on here or would be kind enough to send me a link to your work/work you find of it.

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jenomark · 4 years

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PART 1: LUCAS, THE BOYFRIEND

➔Pairing: Lucas x Reader (Female) | Ten x Reader (Female) ➔Other Members/ Characters: -.- ➔Genre: Smut (+ angst, + fluff, + plot) ➔Warnings: vaginal penetration, passionless sex, exchanging money for sex, very light bdsm and mentions of pegging ➔Word count: 5,107

➔Summary: You don’t know what you do. You don’t even know who you are. Some would call you a whore. Some would refer to you as a sex worker. All of your clients would say you’re damn good at your job.

MASTERLIST

It hadn’t rained in months. It felt strange to hear it coming down hard enough to drown out Lucas’ snoring. You laid in bed and listened a little while, wishing that it would lull you back to sleep somehow. But your eyes were wide open and they kept searching for the clock Lucas kept on his bedside table. 2:45 a.m. 3:14 a.m. 4:20 a.m. Time kept moving as you stayed still, eyes occasionally glancing up at the water marks on his ceiling, and hoping the rain wouldn’t drip through.

“Lucas.” you whispered.

When he didn’t stir, you sat up in his bed and reached for your phone. He slept soundly on the nights when you had sex, which suited you just fine. You didn’t want him turning over in the night and asking you why you weren’t sleeping.

You unlocked your phone, your password far more complicated than it needed to be. You and Lucas once got into an argument when he asked you what you were hiding from him. You felt too exposed, for someone with something to hide. You felt like you no longer belonged to yourself, and he felt hurt that you didn’t want to share what secrets you kept.

Unread text messages: 56 Unread emails: 134

Your phone wallpaper was a photo of Lucas during Christmas of last year. He was smiling and holding up a gift you had bought him: an expensive watch nestled in black satin. You remembered the moment well. He opened the box and nearly dropped it to the floor when he realized it was the same model of the one he’d been lusting after for years. Every little boys dream was to own an expensive watch just like their father, and Lucas was no different.

“We can’t afford this.” Lucas had said.

You, not we. You had wanted to say it, but his family was around the Christmas tree and all eyes were on you. It was true that Lucas could not afford the watch with his low-end salary, but you could. Of course, you had to play the part of the lowly office worker with a salary fit for someone shoved into a shoebox apartment.

“Don’t worry about it,” you had said to soothe him. “You’re worth every penny.”

And Lucas was. You were with him because he was the first man in a while to make you feel alive. He used to be more daring before he got older, used to make you laugh so hard you’d nearly piss your pants. Like all things, the older things get, the harder it is to keep them in good condition. Your relationship with Lucas never failed on the surface, not really, but there were too many things brewing underneath. You were a lot like the watermarked ceiling: barely holding it together.

You checked to make sure Lucas was sleeping before opening your inbox full to the brim with emails from men. The descriptions were all the same: I’m tall, handsome, and worth your time. The names all basic and no doubt aliases, were lined in a row for as far as you could scroll down. Every once in a while, you would entertain one of them and look at their email, expanding it so you could see their plea. Pick me, I’m a winner.

Tonight's lucky winner was a twenty-three year old artist. The picture attached was of a man smiling, his whole face lighting up at whomever was behind the camera. He looked barely legal, and definitely too cute for what he wrote in his description

WinWin, 23. I want to fuck you raw and parade you around town to all of my friends.

Not today, kiddo.

You closed the email and set your phone back in your lap. You wondered how much longer you could keep it up.

You were dreaming of him, which you did often. He was sitting at his kitchen table, his tie undone and resting around his neck, and a newspaper spread out in front of him. You waltzed into the kitchen in a bouncy dress, announcing your presence with a slight clearing of your throat. The picture felt very old school, static-y lines and scalloped edges. Like a dream of the past, you were bordering in housewife territory, red lipstick turning grey in the black and white film. He looked up immediately to smile at you over his shoulder. The camera panned to reveal a table with food set on it, and two children sitting in chairs.

“Is it almost ready?” he asked

All you wanted to do was go kiss your dream husband and wrap your arms around him. You wanted those kids to pull faces, like they were really disgusted their parents were still in love after all the years. But you couldn’t move. You looked down and your little kitten heels were stuck in quicksand that was dragging you under too fast. He couldn’t save you. He didn’t even care, just went back to his newspaper. It was all white noise.

You woke with a jolt, shooting up so fast that Lucas came out of the bathroom. A toothbrush was hanging out of his mouth, and he wasn’t wearing clothes.

“Bad dream?” he asked, toothpaste spitting in all directions.

You looked at his body, just trying to collect your thoughts. Lucas assumed you were checking him out. He started flexing his muscles to make you laugh, showing you all the parts of him he’d been working out lately. You smiled for his benefit and held your hand to your chest.

“Nightmares,” you said. Lucas went into the bathroom to rinse his mouth. When he came back out, he was heading towards his wardrobe. “Are you leaving for work so soon?”

“Gym.”

“Again?” you asked. “You went last night. Isn’t it true that if you go to the gym too much you’ll leave a very disgruntled and lonely girlfriend behind?”

When Lucas wasn’t working out, he was at work. During the day, he was the terribly intimidating Veterinarian assistant, his pink scrubs and puppy pin making all the Great Dane’s growl in his direction. From another direction, all the women who worked there practically swooned when he walked his muscled body through the door.

You got out of bed and opened the blinds. “The rain stopped.”

The view was terrible, but he got what he paid for. You watched the little old lady from across the other apartment building hang her clothes on a line. When you turned back to talk to Lucas, he was silently masturbating.

“Oh shit,” he breathed.

You closed the blinds quickly before he practically tackled you, lifted you into the air and swung you around.

You screamed like you were being murdered. “Lucas! Put me down.”

He lifted up your pajama shorts and smacked your ass. His laugh was loud and boisterous, and you couldn’t help but laugh with him. He dropped you on the bed. His big cock was swinging between his legs before he took it back in his hands and continued stroking himself. You weren’t in the mood for sex, but the sight of him standing over you made it hard to resist.

“I have to be at work.” you said, your eyes on his cock.

“That doesn’t sound very convincing.” he laughed.

He took your ankle and pulled you to the edge of the bed, sliding you across the sheets like hot butter in a pan. You were taking off your shorts and panties while still denying him access.

“I do!” you said. “And I need you to drop me off at my apartment so I can get my things.”

You didn’t need to tear your tank top off. Lucas pulled the spaghetti straps off on either side to reveal your breasts. His big paws were on you as he moved closer. Without wearing a condom, he pushed himself inside of you, both hands holding either breast while he thrusted.

There was no talking as you fucked. Lucas took your leg and placed it on his shoulder. He kissed your calf softly. There were always tender moments like that, where it felt like it was only him and you that existed in the world. His eyes were big and brown and full of love whenever he looked at you. You hoped that when he looked into your eyes, he didn’t just see his own reflection peering back at him.

You felt something swell inside of you with a big wave, before quelling. Lately, you couldn’t seem to orgasm with him. There was a mental disconnect somewhere between him and you, but that didn’t stop you from pretending. You moaned and told him you were coming, even though you and him could feel yourself drying up.

Lucas lifted your ass up and held your body as he moved, his pace too fast for you to enjoy. You just stopped moaning and stared at him, your mind completely blank. Whenever he came, the veins in his neck popped out. You were expecting him to come inside of you, but when he pulled out and came on your stomach, you let him. You held him as he collapsed on top of you, his big body making it harder for you to breathe.

Dressed in his gym clothes, Lucas sat in the driver's seat. The drive over to your apartment was silent, mostly because Lucas still hated that you hadn’t moved in with him yet. The other reason was the awkwardness that existed after you both had sex. You laid on the bed for far too long with his semen pooling in your belly button. Not bothering to hand you a towel to clean up, he very quietly got dressed.

Lucas had never came on you before. He had always been the romantic look-me-in-the-eyes-as-I-fill-you-up type of guy. It’s not that you didn’t like it, just that it was so out of character you were wondering if something was wrong.

“Do you want me to come inside?” he asked.

You snapped out of your thoughts, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I think I can handle it on my own.”

You got out of the car and walked up your steps without looking back at him. You went inside and closed the door behind you, leaning against the wood to regain your nerve.

You didn’t like Lucas being anywhere near your apartment. He was insecure that yours looked a little better than his. Whenever he was there, he had a million questions about the things you owned. Why they were so expensive. Why it seemed like you had never lived there. You assured him it was because you spent the majority of time at his apartment, but there was always a bitter taste left in both of your mouths any time it was brought up. The other reason was that you weren’t sure what he would find if he looked hard enough.

You ran up the stairs and unlocked your second door. You could never be too careful. Inside, you were met with a musty smell. You didn’t bother cleaning as you went, just tore through the place gathering what you needed. You stopped briefly to look at yourself in the mirror, at the way your pantsuit hugged your body. Business professional is what the saleswoman had said. It’s what all the men want.

What do you know about what men want? You wanted to ask her.

You moved on, click-clacking your way to your bedroom. Your bed was unmade, and there was trash strewn everywhere. You opened the door to your walk-in closet, grabbed a duffel bag and started shoving lingerie into it. You picked up a pair of handcuffs and threw them aside. Rifling through your things didn’t help you find what you were looking for. You cursed out loud and sat down in your closet, leaning your head against the wall.

“Must be in the other apartment.” you whispered, trying to recall where it was.

By the time you made it back to the car with Lucas, he had fallen asleep. You tapped the window and apologized for taking so long.

Lucas pulled up in front of your office building. He hadn’t asked why you brought a duffel bag, because after his nap, his attitude was so damn chipper that he couldn’t stop smiling. He leaned over the console to kiss you.

“You know what?” he said. “I’ll walk you inside.”

There was a panic in your chest. “No, baby, it’s okay.”

He didn’t hear you. He was halfway out of the car. Lucas opened your door and held out his hand for the duffel bag. Reluctantly, you placed it in his hand and got out of the car.

“So, what time do you work until?” you asked, your eyes on the bag he was holding.

“Late day,” he said, taking your hand with his other. “I won’t be home until after dinner. Save me some?”

“Of course.”

Normally, Lucas would lead you, but it was your place of work, so you did the leading. You opened the door and walked inside, your heels tapping against the marble. The woman at the front desk and the security guard both nodded at you at the same time before looking back to what they were doing. You guided Lucas to the elevator.

“Are you done the same time as always?” he asked. “I can send someone to pick you up.”

“No, that’s okay.”

You stepped into the elevator. You weren’t the only people in there. Luckily the office building was so big that you didn’t need to know everyone. He held your hand the entire ride, giving it a little squeeze. And every time he did, you were forced to look at him and smile.

“This is me.” you said, stepping out.

A glass wall separated the hallway from your offices, gold lettering etched on all of the doors. Lucas had never made it this far up, so his eyes were taking in everything like a greedy child.

“This looks expensive,” he said. “No wonder they pay you so well. Maybe I should quit and get a job here.”

You laughed. It was obligatory. You leaned on your tip-toes and kissed Lucas at the same time you ripped the duffel bag from his hands.

“Call you during break?” you asked.

Lucas smiled. “Yeah,I’d like that. I love you. Have a good day.”

You could tell he didn’t want to leave. He was too curious about what was behind the glass wall. He could see people milling about, stacks of papers in their hands. There were cubicles and privacy offices, a break room that was too high-tech for a plain office building.

“I love you, too,” you said. “If you just go down to the ground floor I’m sure someone can help you find your way out.”

You waited until the elevator doors closed to walk through the glass ones, crossing the threshold like you were walking into a new world. As soon as your heels stepped down into the grey carpet, you walked a little looser, your hips swinging. You did feel professional. And as eyes were on you in every corner of the room, you were the one person who knew exactly what men wanted.

The office. You didn’t belong. Everyone could smell it on you, that new car smell that always seemed to drive right onto their floor and disrupt everything. For many of them, you were something they couldn’t afford. Oh, how they’d love to test drive you, though. As soon as they got a tasty look at you, all cream interior and buttered seats, all eyes seemed to avoid meeting yours. You sashayed across the floor in peace, your eyes scanning cubicles and the people coming and going.

“Hey.” a familiar voice called.

You ducked down beside a cubicle. A woman sat in a chair, her long legs bare and freshly waxed. She crossed them and swiveled her chair to face you. You picked up a paper from the floor and shoved it in your pockets.

“You’re early.” she said.

“Needed time to change.” you shrugged.

You put your hand on her shoulder to lift yourself up and kept walking. No one stopped to talk to you, and there was something lonely in that feeling you couldn’t put your finger on. You stopped before a door, one of the only non-glass ones in the whole place. Your manicured fingers against the shiny door knob made you pause. You caught your reflection for the second time that day, the distorted figure grimacing back at you.

You would never open the paper so brazenly in front of other people, but it was the calm breath you needed before you opened the door. It was what would launch you, truly, from this office into the next part of your journey. You opened the paper and stared at each letter burning a hole in your retinas.

Sweetie, I miss you. Today’s advice is to never look behind you.

You tucked the paper in your bra. Every inch of you wanted to look behind you, but instead, you opened the door to the dark closet and changed your clothes.

You stepped out of the closet dressed in clothes one would find in the mens department. Sweatpants that could be worn playing basketball, a grey sports t-shirt with faded writing, and a black windbreaker. Your sneakers were white with little worn marks on the side, and your hair was thrown underneath a ball cap. If anyone thought you were crazy for entering as yourself and exiting as someone socially male passing, they didn’t bat an eye.

Passing by the cubicle, the woman whistled. “If I didn’t know you, I would have you bend me over this desk right here.”

You smirked. “Only if you pay me enough.”

You threw the duffle over your shoulder and kept walking, all of the confidence in the world in the way you moved. People still looked at you, but it was in a new, illuminated light. You walked through the glass and made it to the elevator.

“Excuse me.” you said, weaving your way past a man.

“No problem.” he said, eyeing you up as he stepped out. He stared at you until the doors closed.

In the lobby, you waved hello to the woman at the desk and the security guard. Both were unbothered by your new attire. You swung open the front door and stepped into the sunlight where a black, unmarked car was waiting for you.

“Am I too early?” you asked the driver.

“Right on time, miss.”

He opened the car door and you slid in, the leather feeling cool, even through your sweatpants. In a fancy car like that, you felt underdressed, but it was all in the job description. He shut the door and went around to the drivers side, any chatty banter he may have started falling short of his lips.

You took out your cell phone and unlocked it.

Unread text messages: 72 Unread emails: 212

You looked at the very last message from Lucas sent right after he left:

I love you more and more every day. See you when I get home.

Trees. That was all you saw. Streets with trees lining them, parks with the healthiest limbs and most luscious green leaves. They stood proud and strong, only wavering with a slight wind. Occasionally, when you were lost in thought, they played against the glass of the car window, a kiss of a leaf here and there, as if to say, “Welcome, open your eyes.”

“We’re almost there,” the driver said. “He asked that I don’t escort you inside. I expect you know your way around.”

You nodded, making eye contact with the driver in the rearview mirror. He was judging you, you could tell. He wasn’t new, by any means, but the lifestyle took some getting used to. When you first met the driver, you were scared of what he thought of you, but now you didn’t spare a single thought for him at all.

The car came to a stop in front of a three-story brick building, its red face powerwashed to pristine condition. There were flower boxes on every windowsill and forest green shutters. A wreath on the door felt welcoming, but only if you were someone who liked open invitations. In the neighborhood, that might have been plausible, but only you really knew what lay beyond the oak front door, its stained glass windows more expensive than Lucas’ monthly rent.

“Thank you.” you told the driver.

You stepped out of the car, your sneakers crushing a twig. It was the only blemish on an otherwise clean street. You closed the door behind you and held your duffel bag in your hand. The driver waited a beat before driving off, his strict time schedule unable to be rearranged if you chickened out.

But you would never chicken out. Before you was a place you had been to many times. Anyone who looked out of their window would recognize you, even if the flavor of you didn’t sit well under their tongue. As you ascended the stairs, no one bothered to push aside their curtain for a glimpse of the girl dressed in baggy clothes, every trace of her from this morning vanished completely.

You walked right in.

You were met with a smell that hit you instantly: cinnamon. Candles burned on a foyer table, the wick barely black.

Just lit, you thought. You have to be around here somewhere.

The home inside was cozy, deep blue accents and unexplainable modern art tucked into corners of the room. It was the home of someone with an eye for the unusual, but whose very facade made one feel more comfortable with themselves. You walked further inside, your fingers touching along the walls. When you were away, you missed the smells terribly.

“Where are you hiding?” you asked. “Little kitten.”

You walked further inside, your shoes still perfectly on your feet. At his request, he wanted you to keep them on. You never asked why, but you expected that after you left, he got on his hands and knees and scrubbed his floor after your every footprint, in his bid to serve you.

“Don’t you miss me?” you asked.

There were so many doorways without doors. You weaved in and out of rooms, taking your sweet time to make sure he could hear you trampling through. You touched some things softly, and others, haphazardly. You didn’t wince as a part of a measuring cup family fell from its hook, clattering to the ground loud enough to make your teeth hurt.

“Tenny,” you said. “Come and play.”

You wandered up the stairs, your manicured fingers tapping against the wooden railing. You let the duffel fall to the ground when you made it to the top, and rubbed your shoulders.

If the downstairs was grandmother chic, the upstairs looked like the hallway of a sex club.The walls were deep sapphire and velvet, gold tassels dividing each door. You walked down the center, looking foolish and out of place. On your right, you went in through the first door to an empty bedroom. You looked around but could find nothing.

“This is taking too long,” you said. “What if I just leave?”

A sound tipped you off. Your head snapped in the direction you heard it coming from: the very last door on the left. You walked towards it, stopping before it. You rubbed the wood, massaging it in your palm.

“My little kitten.” you cooed.

You opened the door to find him in plain sight. His arms were above his head, his wrists strapped to a mechanism chained to the ceiling. He was naked and blindfolded, and there were headphones around his ears so he couldn’t hear anything. You stepped in but didn’t close the door behind you. You stood in front of him, watching as he mouthed the words to a song. When you pulled the headphones down his neck, he gave a little shake.

“You were right under my nose the whole time.” you said.

You walked around him. His joints looked like they were straining too much. He could hardly keep himself up right. And yet, he began to smile as you made your way back to him.

“How long have you been waiting?” you asked.

“An hour.” he said, his voice hoarse.

You took off his blindfold and was met with the most mischievous eyes. He looked you up and down, his cock twitching right as he got to the sneakers on his carpet. You had been in the room before, so all of the sex toys and contraptions lining the walls didn’t bother you. People liked to play, and in your line of work, you would do whatever they wanted for the right amount.

His name was Ten. He was your age, but there was something about him that felt older than your years. His eyes were that of an old soul, his body young and supple. You scraped your fingernails against his chest and watched him close his eyes and quiver.

“Should I leave you here for another?” you asked.

He shook his head. “I need you to hold me.”

Ten was one of your favorites. It wasn’t so much about the sex but the companionship. Sure, there were things he did and wanted you to do to him that were a bit different, but your attachment to him was hard to explain.

“Before I hold you,” you began. “I need to know I can’t disappoint you.”

He opened his eyes. “I don’t think you ever could.”

“You put too much faith in me.” you said.

You reached up to unhook him from the ceiling. He whimpered in pain as his arms fell. You massaged his shoulders and brought him against your bosom. Ten’s hair tickled your chin. You were scared to tell him that you forgot his blanket, that it was in your real apartment with the life you hid from Lucas.

You wrapped your arms around Ten and kissed the top of his head. You owed him honesty, so you opened your mouth and told him that you forgot the thing he wanted most from you. Tears welled in his eyes, and for a second, you thought about breaking the arrangement and asking if he wanted his money back, but Ten took your hand and started leading you out into the hallway.

“We can do the comfort blanket next week,” he said. “This week, we’ll do something else.”

Briefly, he showed you the man he was when you weren’t there. He was straightened up and assertive, his eyes more disobedient. It was rare that you were privy to how he was when you weren’t there, but it was always refreshing that somewhere underneath it all, there was something you liked to think of as a friend.

Ten brought you to a room with only a bed in the middle of it. An island of sadness is what you always thought of it. You remembered when you had found him there sprawled on his stomach, his puckered, wet asshole waiting for you to fuck it. You did as he asked, the money too good to turn him down.

Ten waited for you to get on the bed by yourself. Before you did, you made sure no hair was peaking out of your ball cap before you stretched your body across the sheets. Ten climbed in and tucked himself into the side of your body. He moved down so that his cheek was pressed against your stomach.

“Tell me you love me,” he said. “And that you’ll never leave me.”

You let your fingers smooth his hair. “I love you, Kitten, and I’m never going to leave you.”

You fell asleep on the car ride home, the sound of thunder waking you up just a stop away from Lucas’ apartment. You groaned because, for once, your sleep was dreamless. It was too good of a thing to wake up from.

“Drop me off at the corner,” you said. “I don’t want anyone to see me.”

You had ditched the clothes at Ten’s place and changed back into your pantsuit, but you had hat head and felt like your body had been run over by a truck. You cuddled with Ten for six hours in the same position, your body aching more than his was when he was chained up. You cracked your neck and got ready to jump out of the car as soon as it stopped, just in case someone in the neighborhood was nosy enough to tell Lucas.

“Thank you.” you said for the second time that day.

“See you next week.”

“Yeah.” you sighed.

You got out and walked the last block to his apartment. The duffel was in your hands, but it was empty. If Lucas asked, it was once full of office supplies the company let you borrow that you needed to return. He would buy into the lie.

You let yourself into the darkness, removed your shoes like you were a zombie, and thought about collapsing right on the floor. It wasn’t even that late, but there was something about being deceiving that sucked the life out of you. Deciding against it, you walked your way to the bedroom and flipped on the light.

After you usually left Ten’s, you felt too soft to the touch. Some nights, you cried the whole car ride, missing something you didn’t know what you were missing. Often, you would climb into Lucas’ arms and make the most passionate love to him. You just needed to be near him, to make sure it was him who would never leave you.

Everything looked the same as you had left it, only Lucas’ gym clothes were on the floor and one of his drawers was half hanging open. You went over to it and stuffed his shirts down so it would close properly. Your fingers lingered on the soft fabric. You brought his shirt up to your nose and buried your face in it, inhaling deeply. When you went to put it back, your hand knocked into a small jewelry box.

Uh-oh.

You took the box out and opened it. A diamond ring sat nestled in black velvet, the name of the jewelry shop printed in silver script on the lid. Feeling dizzy, you snapped the lid shut and shoved it back where it was.

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oddshelbyout · 3 years

Text

Flowers & Chocolates // John Shelby X Fem!Reader

Summary: On Valentine’s Day, your neighbour John asks you to look after his kids for a few hours and comes back with a gift you had been waiting for.

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 2372

Author’s Note:

This is a modern au, my first one for Peaky Blinders. I wasn’t sure if I could write a modern fic for this well but I think this turned out to be pretty good. I had to give John’s kids names and it was really hard to decide, I hope they fit well.

This fic really made me get over my writer’s block. I wrote this in one sit and it just put my mood up so much. It’s really fluffy and exactly what I would want my Valentine’s Day to be like.

I hope you share Valentine’s Day with all of your loved ones and show them you appreciate their love. I also hope that this one shot makes you as happy as it made me while writing it. Enjoy <3

English is not my first language and I’m not always confident about my work so please let me know if I make any mistakes or anything I can fix in my writing.

You can ask to be added to my taglist. You can be tagged to works on a specific character or just any of my works. Please dm me or send your wish to my ask box if you’d like to be added.

Requests are open. You can request any Peaky Blinders related imagines or prompts for me to write. I’m a minor so I don’t take NSFW requests, please keep that in mind.

———————

It was Valentine’s Day. You were single once again and your date for the night was a bottle of cheap red wine.

None of your relationships lasted more than 6 months and you had been spending every Valentine’s Day alone for 3 years. You were convinced the relationship chapter of your life was closed for now.

That morning started like another Sunday morning. You got up, took a shower, made yourself coffee and called it breakfast. You scrolled through Instagram and pretended not to see all the couple posts.

You were actually really glad to be single. You had full freedom, not that a relationship would take it all away but being independant entirely made you feel good. Also all of your past relationships felt one sided and you hadn’t met the right person yet.

This Valentine’s Day was a bit different than the others because you weren’t upset about being single. You were actually upset about not being in a relationship with a specific someone.

That someone was your upstairs neighbour in the small apartment complex you lived in. His name was John and he had four kids. Yes, four kids.

You might ask why that information was so important and the answer is simple. You and John met just because he had kids.

All of the flats besides yours and John’s were rented by university students, that left you as the only choice to babysit John’s kids. You were working independently, you were a graphic artist and you were always at home. That was exactly what John needed.

One summer afternoon, your door knocked. You weren’t expected guests, you barely had them anyway. John stood before you, looked at you with his gentle eyes.

“I have no one, can you watch my kids for an hour?” was the first thing he had said to you. You were also too busy trying to understand who he was and didn’t notice four youngers hiding behind him.

You couldn’t say no. You loved children, you had two younger brothers but they were back in your hometown when you had moved to London. John just left you with the kids and left.

John had two daughters and two sons. Katie, Jocelyn, William and David. Katie was the oldest but definitely wasn’t the most mature one. Jocelyn and William were twins but looked nothing alike though they sounded a lot like each other. David was the youngest and somehow the most mature one.

The oldest was nine and the youngest one was six at the time you met them. They were extremely calm and none of them were troublemakers. They had great interest in your work and asked a lot of questions but also never bothered you.

You loved spending time with them and babysitting them. It has become a routine for you. John would drop them at least a few times a week. It was summer and the kids didn’t go to school. They were with you almost everyday.

You spent so much time with his kids that one day you even joked about getting paid. John had a better offer though. He promised you that he and the kids would make or buy you dinner every weekend to pay you back.

John was a good cook, you had only had take out for one of those dinners once and that was because he was sick. You had become almost like a family.

John was originally from Birmingham, his accent gave it away anyway but he had moved to London with a quick decision after his wife passed away. He had left his brothers and aunt behind in Birmingham but promised them that they’ll be okay.

John had told you that moving to London was the best decision he had taken. It was a new beginning for him and the kids. He was an engineer and London had more opportunities.

Even though you worked from home and didn’t quite reach the goals you had coming to London but it was your best decision too. Best decision after dumping your toxic ex.

Luckily for both you and John, you had formed a great friendship. The kids adored you. John was forever thankful for taking care of them.

That was all going to start changing when schools started and you saw them less and less. You were starting to feel like you didn’t appreciate your time with them enough.

You also realised you had feelings for John. That hurt more when one morning as the kids and him leaving home told you that they were moving. They were going to move out of their flat to a bigger place.

Your heart broke. You knew you’d see them from time to time but you thought it would never be the same warmth you had as neighbours.

That little heartache made Valentine’s Day harder. You could’ve opened your heart out to John and his little family you were introduced to. You had even joined that little family. Shared everything and became so close that you felt like you joined their family

After your coffee and your usual morning Instagram scrolling, you opened your laptop. You had to finish one job before the deadline. Your doorbell rang while you were deep down in work.

You went to the door knowing it was John. You hoped he would be alone. He was not, he had brought the kids again. You were happy to see them but you had one last hope to spend Valentine’s Day with John.

“Sorry Y/N, can you look after them for a few hours?” John said looking at you with puppy eyes. It almost felt like he was apologising for something and it wasn’t for making you look after his children.

“Sure!” you had said, trying to hide the subtle pain in your chest. “I downloaded a new game!” David said, waving his iPad carefully. You smiled You looked back to John, your smile had faded but his was as strong as it was a moment before.

You were hurting because him dropping them off on Valentine's Day meant only one thing. He was going on a date. He didn’t have a partner that you knew of and knew he would tell you if he did. It hurt you so much

“Going on a date?” you asked not being able to hold your curiosity back. “Oh no, just an errand.” John said and you just nodded.

You tried to reply back with a smile but it looked more like you were trying to hide your pain. “Alright, get in kids.” you told the children and John nodded.

“Alright Shelby Clan, I’ll be back in an hour.” John said and that made you genuinely smile. You found it very funny that he called them Shelby Clan. You knew it was the nickname for the whole family but it was still funny hearing him call four kids a clan.

“Bye daddy!” Jocelyn said waving, then they all got in. They ran to the living room which was also your office. “Y/N, are you really working on Valentine’s Day?” Katie asked. You chuckled nervously.

“Well, I’m not dating anyone, so yes.” you admitted and the kids giggled. “What are you laughing at?” you joked and they giggled more. “Would you want to date?” William asked.

“I think I would, if there was a right person.” you said after sitting on your chair. The kids sat on the ground and rested their backs on the side of the couch. David climbed on the couch instead, told you he was more mature.

“Even I am dating someone.” Katie said and Jocelyn gasped. “Who’s the lucky fella?” you asked, raising your eyebrows. All of them kept giggling, “He’s in my class, he bought me a cookie on friday.” Katie said with a big smile.

Watching them giggle and talk to you enthusiastically made your mood go up. You were actually feeling much better thanks to the Shelby Clan.

You went back to work while they were entertaining themselves with the new game David downloaded. The other siblings joined David on the couch too, lşke they should’ve done earlier.

You weren’t close to finishing the work and you were getting stressed about it. Your back started hurting from sitting. Also your stomach growled, reminding you that coffee doesn’t count as a meal.

“Are y’all hungry?” you asked the kids, hoping they would say yes. “Nope.” they all answered at once but Katie had more to say. “Dad said they’ll be cooking for us when he gets back.” they all nodded to Katie’s work.

“I’m eating on my own then.” you mumbled and stood up. “No Y/N, daddy’s cooking for you too.” William said and you smiled for a moment.

Your mind went full on panic mode. You questioned why he would cook for you after he comes back from a date. Even though he had said it wasn’t a date, your conscience didn’t trust his words.

You sat back at your seat but you didn’t want to keep working. The kids seemed so into that game that you also didn’t want to interrupt their fun. You went back to scrolling through Instagram and accepting your loneliness.

Soon the doorbell came to the rescue. You didn’t notice how much time passed so you didn’t think it would be John. You still believed he was on a date.

You opened the door. Your gaze first focused on John’s big smile, you didn’t even notice what he was holding in his hands.

“I’m back.” he said quietly, he was so quiet that you knew for some reason that he didn’t want kids to hear. That was when your gaze fell down from his lips to his hands.

He was holding a box of chocolate and a bouquet of red roses. You gasped and then smiled so big. “You bought me flowers and chocolates.” you said after licking your lips.

“I thought it was the appropriate time to.” John said, you looked at him not getting exactly what he was trying to say. You were so clueless.

“Appropriate time for what?” you asked and he just laughed. He thought you were joking but you were asking seriously. The fact that the corner of your lips were still curled had tricked him.

“I thought you were smarter.” he joked instead of directly answering your question. “Shut up you wanker, tell me!” you laughed after. “Wanker huh? I’m never telling you.” he replied and laughed so hard that you were sure the kids had heard already.

“Come on John Boy!” you said reaching for his hand. “At least give me the chocolates, I’m hungry!” you complained. He pulled them away from you. You laughed at each other, you felt like you were a teenager again.

“No seriously tell me, appropriate time for what?” you asked again, this time with a more serious face. He took a deep breath. He held onto the flowers and chocolates stronger.

“I think this is the appropriate time to ask you out.” John said and you nervously chuckled. You were so happy to hear that your feelings were mutual. You were also angry at yourself for not believing him when he said he had a date.

You two just smiled at each other like idiots without saying anything. At that moment nothing was real, you felt like you were floating in space and your only connection to earth was John.

“You’re asking me out?” you asked just to be sure. “Mhmm.” John nodded, “Y/N Y/L/N would you like to go out with me?” he properly asked. You giggled like a little girl.

“Yes, I will.” you said and hugged him. The corners of the chocolate box hurt you but it was worth it. Your hug was interrupted by Katie.

“Did you ask her out Daddy?” the ten year old asked, he nodded. “He did and now I’m hoping he’s gonna cook us dinner.” you told Katie, you really were hungry like a wolf.

John stepped inside with you. He left the flowers and chocolates on the kitchen counter. He immediately started cooking, you of course were going to help him.

“I hope you’re moving too far away, like the other side of London.” you confessed, that was a concern for you even before his interest in you was official.

“No, just a block away so the kids don’t have to change schools.” John said as he was cutting tomatoes. “A bigger place?” you asked, you were trying to get your own mind to justify the reason they’re moving for.

“Yes and you’re always welcome, nothing changes.” John said, he turned to you and smiled big. You returned his smile with a bigger one. Your eyes stuck at his lips, they looked so full and red. So kissable.

“Nothing changes.” you repeated and took a deep breath. He stopped cutting the tomatoes. He licked his lips, “Maybe some things can change.” he said and kissed you.

What a kiss it was. You weren’t in the children’s sight. It was the best kiss you ever had. With his lips touching yours and his tongue slipping into your mouth, both of you lost contact to earth. You were both floating in space, you didn’t even need air. As long as you had each other, you didn’t even have to have contact to earth.

You kissed for so long. You kissed like it was your last moment alive. You kissed with so much passion and you thought the heartache waiting for him gave you was totally worth it. When you finally parted, the only reason was that you were out of breath and you had a meal to cook.

Your Valentine’s Day was the exact opposite of what you expected. Even though you wouldn’t call what you and John had a relationship yet, you still weren’t alone on Valentine’s Day.

You had John with you who finally told you he wanted to date you. You had Katie, Jocelyn, William and David. You had your little new family. Now you were sure that you had joined their family for real. You hoped you all would be happy for the rest of your lives.

#john shelby #peaky blinders #john shelby x reader #peaky blinders x reader #john shelby x y/n #peaky blinders x y/n #john shelby x you #peaky blinders x you #john shelby oneshot #peaky blinders oneshot #john shelby fanfic #peaky blinders fanfic #joe cole

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lunar-jimin · 4 years

Text

i can be temptation, you can be my sin

Pairing: Jimin x Fem!Reader

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 4.5k

Genre: smut, tiny side of angst and fluff, office!au (not the TV show), coworkers!au

Warnings: unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), dom!Jimin, sub!reader, spanking, fingering, semi-public sex, dirty talk, degradation, reader sends nudes

Summary: Between bragging about his prolific sex life and his horrific design ideas, Jimin has managed to make your work life a living hell. Then one little accident sends you hurtling towards him, and as hard as you try, you can’t seem to stop yourself.

A/N: This is a commission for @ppersonna for @ficswithluv‘s ChangesWithLuv project dedicated to raising money for BLM. I’m so sorry this fic took forever to write (I’m not sure why), but I hope that you enjoy it! A huge shout-out to my lovely beta-reader, @jinterlude. She’s the best!

| m.list |

“Jimin…” a groan tumbles out of you, “that shade of yellow is-“

“Bright and comforting?”

“-awful.”

His thick lips curve into a pout, eyes doing little to conceal his mock hurt. Exasperation runs through your body, grasping your brain in its clutches. Your entire week has been filled with Jimin’s progressively hideous design ideas for a book cover, to the point you’re beginning to wonder how he got hired at all. The piss-yellow mock-up in front of you is just another straw in the stack that is going to break your back.

“What?” he looks confused, “You said you wanted something eye-catching, and I would have to say this is pretty darn, eye-catching.”

“It’s blinding is what it is. Maybe if we toned it back a bit…” your eyes drift over the design, horror twisting in your gut.

You want to cry. A week ago, your boss had enthusiastically paired you with Jimin to design a book cover for an up and coming YA author, claiming the two of you were the best designers she had, even promising the both of you a promotion if things went well. You aren’t sure what designs Jimin had produced in the past, because what he was bringing to the table now wasn’t much better than a shitty college club poster.

Jimin didn’t make for great company either. Sure he had legs that went for miles, and a face that would outshine angels, but his mouth was filthy. If the two of you weren’t bickering over fonts and hex codes, you were stuck listening to him brag about how loud he could make a girl scream. What’s worse is that while your brain was logical enough to know that Jimin was no good for you, your body had other ideas. As a result, you often went home after a long day, frustrated in more ways than one.

With a little luck- and quite a bit of compromising- you manage to make it to five ‘o’clock without murdering anyone. You manage to talk Jimin down off the yellow in exchange for completing the pitch presentation by yourself. Presentations are time-consuming and tedious, but it’s better than being out of a job because Jimin is set on making the cover look like a neon highlighter.

A half an hour later, you're collapsing on your soft couch, ready to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the weekend. A sigh of relief carries an iota of the stress out of your body as you sink back into the welcoming cushions. You grimace as the tension in your neck became apparent, and you feel the growing ball of angst you have for Jimin tighten. You were going to send him the bill if you had to go to a chiropractor.

In an attempt to move on from your hectic week and into your relaxing weekend, you wander to the kitchen, searching for the merlot you have yet to open. The tall green bottle greets you from the counter. You find a glass and watch as the red liquid quickly fills it. You savor a long sip as you let your mind stray away from the thoughts of work and stress and into notions of self-care and relaxation.

An hour later, having eaten a frozen pizza, you find yourself soaking down into the hot bath suds. The heat begins to draw the ache out of your sore muscles. Once again, Jimin flashes through your mind, coupled with resentment. Your eyes prickle at the thought, sick and tired of Jimin living in your mind rent-free. Why is he preoccupying your brain instead of Seokjin, the cute cook you matched with on Tinder?

While you had yet to meet in person, you and Seokjin had hit off right away when he opened with the cheesiest pick-up line you’d ever heard. He worked at a five-star restaurant a few blocks from your office, but you’d never met in person. That didn’t mean that you hadn’t had a few scandalous conversations. You weren’t usually one for sexting, but Seokjin’s way with words left you little choice.

Eager to take Jimin off your mind, you grab your phone from the side of the tub, quickly opening your messages. You’re much too impatient for small talk, so in the interest of sparking some saucy dialogue, you take a few snaps of your bubble-covered nude body. You suck in a breath as you hit send, anxious for your reaction. It wasn’t the first time you had sent him a nude photo, but it didn’t make you any less nervous. Seokjin was one of the most attractive men you had ever had the privilege of laying eyes on, and it was only natural for you to question your appearance in comparison to his. He would always reassure you, though, flattering you with compliments, both sultry and sweet.

When he doesn’t respond fifteen minutes, a knot forms in your stomach. What if he didn’t like them? What if he was seeing someone else? What if he lost interest? You check your messages with hurried concern. What you find on your screen mortifies. In your haste to tease Seokjin, you had accidentally sent the photos to the last person you texted: Jimin. Worse yet, the little grey “read” sits just beneath the last picture. As you stare at the screen with abject horror, a little speech-bubble pops-up. Your stomach twists in knots, anticipating of what he might say striking you with fear.

The Office Brat: if you wanted a piece of me baby girl, all you had to do was ask 20:33

You suck in a breath when he immediately follows the text with a picture of his own. He’s shirtless, lip between his teeth as he grabs his prominent erection through grey sweatpants. You can’t help the whine that slips out of your mouth at the image. You try to ignore the heat that rushes to your core as your legs rub together. When your senses finally return to you, you drop your phone on the bath mat before sinking into the water, leaving only your face out. The photo is still seared into your brain, taunting you with his delicious abs and what turned out to be a healthy sized dick.

You immediately resolve to forget it ever happened. You spend the rest of the weekend attempting to distract yourself through a binge of every cheesy rom-com you can find on Netflix. You sent Jimin a quick text, informing him that the photos weren’t actually for him. He hadn’t responded, and you didn’t know if you should be relieved or not. It certainly didn’t aid the dread building in your stomach at the thought of having to face him again on Monday.

When you walk into the office two days later, you’re relieved to find that Jimin seemed nowhere to be found. You pray that he actually had an iota of shame and quit out of humiliation. Your hopes are crushed when not five minutes later, you notice him prancing toward your cubicle, his ever-present smirk plastered across his face. When he reaches you, he plops down in an extra desk chair, arms crossed across his chest, eyes looking you up and down. You can’t help but shiver at the knowledge that he knows precisely what you look like underneath your work clothes.

“What do you want, Jimin?” you sigh.

“Haven’t I made that obvious, baby?” He grins. “I want you.”

You roll your eyes.

“Jimin, what happened this weekend was an accident,” you give him a firm glare, “so no matter how much you claim to want me, I want nothing to do with you.:

He raises his eyebrow, eyes locked on yours, before standing and walking to you. His breath is warm on your neck as he leans over to whisper in your ear. You clench your thighs in an attempt to extinguish the heat beginning to burn in between them.

“We’ll see about that, now won’t we, baby girl?”

He pulls away with a smirk, before turning to head to his desk. Your eyes trail to his ass as he leaves, only worsening the situation in your underwear. You silently vow to yourself not to fall for his tricks. You have more self-respect than to allow yourself to be yet another notch in Park Jimin’s bedpost.

Brushing thoughts of your troublesome coworker from your mind, you turn back to your bright computer screen, determined to lose yourself in your work. Your eyes widen when you find an email from Jimin taunting you in your inbox. Heart pounding fast, you click on it, half afraid to find another nude of his (it wouldn’t be beyond him). Instead of a naked Jimin, a PDF with the details for the cover design presents itself. You’re taken aback. Not only had Jimin swapped the yellow for soft coral, but he practically redesigned the entire thing. Scrolling through, you’re embarrassed to admit that it was nearly as good, if not better, then some of your best works.

You immediately realize that this means he’s been pulling your leg for over a week. A groan escapes you, and your head falls forward, smashing into your keyboard. Of course, he was a fucking amazing graphic artist; you shouldn’t have expected anything less. Fury floods down your spine as it dawns on you that it was all a trick to get out of doing the PowerPoint. Now you were stuck making an entire presentation, just because Jimin had pretended to love piss-yellow.

It takes every ounce of your self-control not to march to his desk and strangle him. White anger flashes in front of your eyes, resentment growing to cover every waking thought in your brain. When you finally calm enough to rationalize that murder isn’t going to get you anywhere, you decide that your best course of action is to avoid him until the day of the two of you are scheduled to present to the board.

The world isn’t being kind to you today, because when you finally head to the break room for lunch, you immediately run into your new worst enemy.

“What’s got your panties in a knot now, love?”

You glare at him, not trusting yourself not to stab him with your salad fork. He smirks in response, before turning to leave. At the last second, he turns back to you.

“Have fun with that PowerPoint.”

You want to scream.

“Jimin, I swear to god, you little shit, I’m gonna-”

“You’re gonna what? Spank me?” His cheeky grin widens. “You know, baby, I’m usually a dom, but if it meant feeling your sweet pussy, I’d definitely be a sub.”

You are lucky that no one else is around to hear his words because you are mortified enough. Red creeps across your face as Jimin winks at you. When he finally leaves, you collapse back onto the counter, trying to get a grip on your surroundings. You swear to high heaven that you’ve never hated someone so much in your life, yet feel so attracted to them at the same time. As infuriated as you are with him, you are even more infuriated with your inability to control your body’s reaction to him.

Why did he have to know exactly what to say to soak your panties? Why was he so hellbent on getting you to sleep with him? Why did you ever have to be assigned to him in the first place? These questions plagued your mind as the week trickled slowly on. Your anger with Jimin was beginning to be diluted with anxiety about your upcoming presentation. No part of you looked forward to standing in front of the company board to make a potential career-changing pitch with the person you hated most in the world. Not to mention public speaking made you want to hide under a rock and never come out.

Thankfully, Jimin is kind enough to offer to do most of the talking- even if his original deal included a blow job- but it also meant you had less control if things started to go south. By the time Friday rolled around, you’re shitting yourself with fear. Jimin does his best to calm you down as you sit in hard plastic chairs outside the boardroom, waiting to be called in.

“Look, we’ll do fine. You made an amazing presentation, and I’m pretty brilliant at charming people if I do say so myself.”

He reaches over and gives your hand a small squeeze. You’re just nervous enough to offer him a small smile. For what it’s worth, he wasn’t terrible at comforting people.

“Thanks, Jimin. I’m sure everything will go great.”

Everything did not go great. In fact, it went very, very badly. Somewhere out there, someone must have hexed you because that’s the only reason you can think of that would explain why you placed Jimin’s original yellow design in the slideshow instead of his new one. You feel terrible. Not only have you fucked up in front of the entire company, but you’ve put both of your jobs on the line.

As soon as the meeting ended, you rushed off to the bathroom. You already embarrassed yourself enough as it is, you don’t need everyone to see you cry too. Tears roll down your face as you sit on the toilet, praying for the sudden end of your existence.

You had one job and somehow you had managed to fuck it up. You managed to ruin your career. You’re going to end up jobless. Broke. Destitute.

You’re jolted out of your thoughts by a knock at the door.

“Doll? Are you in there?”

Jimin’s voice is soft and comforting, and if you weren’t so afraid of humiliating yourself, you would have gladly welcomed his arms around you. But you are, so you try to stifle your sobs in an attempt to make him go away.

“Doll? I know you’re in there. I can hear you crying,” he sighs, “Please just let me in. I just want to talk.”

A sigh escapes your lips as you debate your options. If he already knows you’re crying, what difference will it make if he sees you? You stand up from your seat on the toilet, make a quick attempt at cleaning up your ruined makeup, and hesitantly open the door to let him inside.

He immediately takes you in his arms, closing the door behind him. The feeling of his body wrapped around yours only serves to induce more tears, and you find yourself crying into his shirt collar.

“I’m so, so sorry, Jimin,” you hiccup, “I don’t know what happened. I don’t know how I used that one. I’m so sor-”

“It’s okay, baby.”

You pull away to look at his eyes.

“What? How can you say that? I ruined the presentation, and we’ll be lucky if they want us to come back to work tomorrow.”

“They loved it.”

“What?”

“They loved it. They thought it was bright and innovative and really demonstrated that we understood design enough to push its limits.”

You look at him in shock. They loved it. They thought it was great. Your job was safe. You weren’t going to be fired. You may even receive a promotion.

“Feel better, doll?” He smiles down at you.

For once in your life, you return his smile, while shaking your head in affirmation.

“Well, then…”

You’re still smiling but suddenly unsure of what to do. Jimin’s hands are still on your waist, and you hated how aware of them you’re becoming. He seems to notice at the same time and quickly pulls them away.

“I have a question.” His voice is soft and shaky, and his eyes shift from side to side, seemingly unable to focus on you.

“What?”

“Why do you hate me so much?”

You’re taken aback. Jimin, who was usually so confident and larger than life, is now standing before you, small and meek, like an underfed puppy begging for scraps.

“I, I don’t hate you, Jimin.”

“But you must,” his voice is curt, “You never flirt back with me, yet I see you tease Hoseok all day long. You never laugh at my jokes. You never praise my work. As soon as I come anywhere near you, you close up. You snap at me, and you have no patience with me. You avoid me at all costs. So let me ask you again: why do you hate me?”

This time, instead of avoiding eye contact, he stares at you like he’s trying to read your soul.

“I really don’t hate you, Jimin.”

He raises his eyebrow.

“I just don’t want you to hurt me.”

He looks genuinely confused at your statement.

“How could I possibly hurt you?”

“The same way you hurt all those other girls.”

“What other girls?” His voice rises with defense.

“You know, the ones you sleep with in bathrooms, only to leave them broken-hearted when you never so much as glance their way again? The one’s you brag about fucking every chance you get until I want to slam my head into a brick wall? The ones that prove you’re nothing but a narcissistic fuckboy whose only goal in life is to get his dick wet? Those are the girls I’m talking about.”

Jimin looks shocked before his face morphs into an angry scowl, eyes heated and alert.

“That’s what you really think about me? That I’m a no-good player who uses girls for their bodies? Do you really think I trick girls into sleeping with me? Because you're wrong. They know what they’re getting into when they agree to restroom rendezvouses, but they always seem to convince themselves that they can convince me that I should be in a relationship with them. That’s not my fault. I would never sleep with someone under false pretenses. And I bragged about them because I wanted you to like me! Do you not get that? I don’t ever try this hard to get anybody to sleep with me, but I like you. I like you a lot, and this whole time you just thought I was a misogynistic fuckboy because you never cared to get to know me better.”

Jimin is seething, like a dog that went feral. His chest rises with heavy breaths as he backs you into the wall, eyes staring down yours. You let out a small whimper when he leans into your ear, hot breath ghosting your neck.

“If you think I’m such a fuckboy, then a fuckboy is what you are going to get.”

Before your brain can properly register his words, his lips are covering yours in a desperate kiss. Despite your lack of cognizance, you respond immediately, lips moving against his as your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into you. His hands ghost down your side before he grabs your ass with a rough squeeze, eliciting a whine from your mouth.

He flips you around before bending you over the sink, eyes holding yours in the mirror reflection.

“I think you’ve been a bad girl, don’t you agree? Leaving me with blue balls just because you think you’re better than me.”

Words fail you, so you nod instead. His hand slips under your skirt, softly massaging your ass.

“Don’t you think Daddy needs to punish you?”

You whimper, eyes struggling to hold his in your shared reflection. His gaze was burning with lust and fiery.

“I need you to use your words, baby.”

“Yes, daddy, I need to be punished.”

He grinned before flipping up your skirt to reveal the supple curve of your ass to his waiting gaze.

“Fuck, baby, do you know how long I’ve stared at this ass walking away from me, trying not to pop a boner in front of the whole office?”

He grabbed a rough handful.

“So long, baby, much too long. I think ten should suffice. Count for me.”

“Okay, daddy.” You whine.

“Say ‘red’ if it gets to be too much.”

“Yes, daddy.”

The first spank sent shocks running through you. While you expected the pain, you hadn’t anticipated how hard he would hit you, or how the contrast of his warm palm and cool rings would send pleasure singing through your body.

“O-one.”

The word barely made it out of your mouth, your brain hazy with lust.

The subsequent slap on the opposite cheek once again jolts you, and you fall forward, bracing your hands on the cold porcelain sink before you.

“Two.”

By the time he made it to five, tears had begun to well in your eyes, and you were sure your ass was painted a nice shade of crimson. By the time he made it to ten, tears had streaked your cheeks as moans and whimpers left your mouth alongside your garbled counting.

Jimin takes a moment to step back to admire his handiwork, his smirk only widening as he takes in his handprint bruised into your ass.

“Holy shit, baby, you’re so hot. You took your punishment so well. Look at how much of a good girl you are.”

Even in your hazy state, you beamed at his praise.

“Thank you, daddy.”

“I think you deserve a reward, baby girl.”

You nod vigorously at that, eager to feel him finally inside you.

“What do you want, baby? Use your words.”

“Your fingers, daddy, please.”

In an attempt to convey your desperation, you grind your hips into his crotch.

“Patience, baby girl. Where do you want them?”

“In my pussy, daddy. Please. I’m so wet for you.” Your sentence ends with a light sob, the need for him overwhelming you.

“Ask and you shall receive.”

With that, he pulls your panties to the side as he cautiously rubs his pointer finger up and down your soaked slit, before slipping inside.

“Fuck, baby, your dripping. Did spanking you turn you on that much? Is my baby girl that much of a pain slut?”

“Yes, daddy. I’m a pain slut just for you.”

He adds a second finger, and your head drops between your shoulders as he begins to move his digits in and out of you at a quick but intentional pace. Moans fall from your lips, and you let out a sharp squeal when he crooks his fingers and brushes against your g-spot.

“Fuck, daddy, right there.”

He quickens his pace, rubbing you perfectly over and over again as he brings you closer to the point of no return.

“Shit, baby, I’m so hard right now. Your pussy is so tight and wet around my fingers; I just want to sink my cock into you.”

“Please, daddy, I want your cock too. I want you to cum inside me. Fuck, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna-“

Words fail you as you are sent hurtling into your orgasm, waves of euphoria crashing down around you. Your body is shaking as you collapse against the sink.

Jimin lets out a groan at your fucked-out state, removing his hand from your pussy and bringing it to his lips to taste you. He lets out a moan as he does, freehand going to the front of his pants to rub his prominent erection through the black fabric.

After you recover enough to stand, you turn around and replace his hand with your own, pussy clenching at how big he was.

“Will you fuck me now, daddy?” You look up at him under your lashes, and his head falls back at your mock innocence, a light whimper escaping his lips. He tilts his head back up to look at you, hand coming to grab your waist to pull you to his lips.

You taste yourself on his tongue as your hands come to play with his hair, tugging on the strands. He ruts up into you, desperation getting the better of him. He pulls away, revealing his swollen lips and hazy eyes.

“Fuck yeah, I’ll fuck you now, baby girl.” He makes quick work of his belt zipper, shoving his pants and boxers down just enough to let out his cock and balls. The tip is an angry red, beautifully contrasted with the white of his dress shirt. Your mouth waters as you take in its wide girth and slight curve. You’re desperate to taste it, but right now there were more important matters at hand.

You drop your panties, before hopping up on the edge of the sink. Jimin gives his cock a few short tugs before lining up with your dripping entrance. You let out soft moans as he sinks into you, your legs wrapping around his waist to pull him as close as possible. His hands grab your ass, pulling you to the edge of the sink, before slamming back in. He sets a slow but intentional pace, the sound of skin and desperate moans echoing throughout the small bathroom.

You aren’t going to last long, having already come once, and judging by his quickening pace, neither is he. Your lips meet each other in a messy kiss as he pulls you tight against his body. It’s hard to discern what is a part of you and what is a part of him. Your limbs are so intertwined, that it feels like you are one body.

As his cock continues to drill into your g-spot, stars begin to cover your vision. With the force of a freight train, you come unannounced; your mouth opens in a silent scream. Jimin follows right behind you, painting your walls white with his seed. He lets out a groan of your name, his head coming to rest on your shoulder.

Both of you silently shake as you take a moment to catch your breath and process what just happened. He slowly pulls his softening cock out of you, watching as his cum pours out of your cunt.

“Fuckkkk, that’s hot.” He groans, tucking himself back into his pants, before wetting a paper towel to help clean you up.

“I’m sorry I thought so poorly of you.” You give him an apologetic grin, as you pull up your underwear.

“It’s okay. I can see where I might have led you to think that I don’t treat girls well.”

“Well, now I can see that I was wrong. You seem like you would be a fantastic boyfriend.” You move to exit the bathroom, eager to get away so you can process the rampage of emotions flooding through you now that your lust wasn’t getting in the way.

“I can be yours.”

You pause at the door.

“What?”

“I could be your boyfriend.”

“I-“

“I’ve liked you ever since the first time I saw you, and I think that maybe you like me, and I just really, really want to be your boyfriend.”

Your mind is racing at a million miles per hour, trying to process everything that’s happening. One moment he was fucking you like it was your last day on the earth, and now he’s standing in front of you, pleading for you to make him yours. You aren’t sure what to make of it.

“I think I would really like that too, Jimin,” he beams,” “but everything is going so fast, and I just need a little time to take everything in.”

His face falls a little, but he nods understandingly.

“That’s fair. Let me take you on a date, at least.”

You grin.

“Okay.”

“Coffee on Saturday?”

“Sounds great.”

#changeswithluv #bangtanhq #btswriterscollective #btswritingcafe #btsbookclub #bangtanarmynet #fanfic #one-shot #smut #bts #jimin #park jimin #bangtan #fluff #angst

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shizzlinghotbrason · 3 years

Text

ok so nearly everyone in the fandom is doing this and as sad as it is that we need to remind these simple things to people, I feel the need to talk about this too.

I won't make this too painfully long because I know y'all most likely already know this and I just wanna put out a basic list of shit you should always follow in the fandom. But for those who don't, a lot of fan content creators, be it artists or writers or just general fans trying to enjoy their time, have been leaving/quitting the fandom.

Why are they leaving, you ask? Toxicity. Toxicity nearly everywhere. People can't hold respectful debates or discourses on interesting topics regarding characters/the books/ships anymore without someone toxicly stating that only their opinion is correct, and going off on anyone who has different opinions carried with a lot of aggressive, rude and shallow behaviour. Fanartists have gotten death threats and are scared of drawing art for the Riordanverse without getting anxious af.

Now the thing is, having done those (eXcepT for the death threats) doesn't automatically make u an entirely shitty person. Maybe you made a mistake and came off as rude without rlly meaning to. That's okay. Here's how to identify if u ever did so, and to change that behaviour. Again, it's okay to make mistakes, but we rn as a fandom srsly need to try to turn things around.

Some basic shit you should remember being a part of the fandom:

• NO NSFW STUFF WITH MINORS!!! That means fanarts, fanfics etc. But here's the shocking thing- when someone does this, you can actually hold them accountable WITHOUT SENDING DEATH THREATS AND CROSSING THE BOUNDARIES! Cuz doing that only makes YOU stoop just as low. Pl e a s e remember that always and be respectful whatever you do.

• That being said, ppl are allowed to write nsfw stuff IF said characters are aged up, aka 18+. Ofc, it's a must that they put a content warning beforehand because many people may not want to read that. BUT, if you don't want to read it and if they've aged up the characters so nothing's morally wrong or gross, then please do NOT hate the author in the comments, do NOT report their post/account. Seriously dude, they gave warnings, if you don't want to read it just scroll past it's not that hard. Unless it's with minors, you shouldn't be reporting innocent ppl's accounts like that.

• one thing that I've seen a lack of in the fandom are trigger warnings. I've seen several fics whose covers are literally of blood. And entire chapters were written with intricate graphic descriptions yet with no trigger warnings or a tw wayyy down in the caption. you never know what may be triggering to someone if a lot of ppl see ur content but the least u can do is put trigger warnings on the most common stuff. I get that it may look aesthetically matching if it's a murder mystery sorta fic but isn't the well being of people more important?

• look I'm not saying you're not allowed to have opinions, but the problem is when you start treating your opinions like facts. I can't count the times I've seen someone state their opinion like it's facts and then trash on other's for having a different opinion. PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS. Stop attacking people for liking Jason more than Percy or vice versa, there's no rule that you absolutely have to like one or the other, ppl can like who they want. When you're stating UR opinion, it would be nice if you used stuff like "I personally think that..." or "... that's just my opinion" because again, Ur opinion is just that, not a fact.

• if you can't have discourses or discussions about certain topics respectfully and nicely then don't have them. if someone's done nothing wrong but state their opinions and you don't like it, don't go attacking them. if you don't have anything good to say, shut up and just scroll past. it's not that hard. we don't need any more negativity in the fandom. If you feel like you're about to snap, mute or block the account you don't like and move on with life. But for the love of GOD don't go out of your way to be agresive or hateful to ppl. They have feelings too and run fan accounts for fun, not to get upset and hurt.

• when a fan account owner has made a post saying what they think of a certain topic, and you comment saying you think they're wrong and they reply that you didn't get the point of their post, then chances are you most probably actually did not understand what they were saying. when this happens, pls don't go on forcing ur opinion onto them as if you got what they meant when you didn't. Maybe next time when someone says you didn't get what they were saying, ask them nicely to explain it to you instead of going off like that?

• firstly, shame on you if you've ever run a hate account. just why? how much more negativity do you want to add? if you come across a hate account please please report it and block it and tell your friends to do the same. if you're targeted in a hate post, I'm so sorry, please know that they're shallow ppl just trying to make you feel shitty, you're dont have a trashy fan account; what they say is false and done purely to spite. report and block them.

• I know Rick has written a lot of racist bullcrap and hasn't batted an eye when we complained about them, but that still doesn't give you the right to send him death threats. Again, no death threats to anyone, yikes.

• don't use fanart that's racist. don't repost them either. Piper has feathers in it? don't repost it. also if you can't exactly and properly credit artists, don't repost their art saying "credits to the artist". I've done that before too but now I understand that's not right.

• also, while we're at it, can we all please universally agree on non-racist fanon stuff and get rid of racist canon stuff? like Piper and feathers, and piper & hazel with colourful and golden eyes, Piper's stupid not like other girls behaviour, and all the other bullshit Rick has put into the books. We as a fandom don't accept it and pretend they do not exist, no racism in this place 🥰‼️

• ppl are allowed to have their own headcannons, it doesn't matter what's cannon. Don't go "but in the books it's.." because in the books there's a lot of shit, and besides, if someone wants to headcannon Percy as brown? black? totally alright! they're allowed to do so! don't go bUt pErCy iSnT pOc iN tHe bOoKs. same goes with sexualities and etc headcannons. as long as they're not erasing the already representation of a minority, it's okay to have headcannons of your own. Like Hazel is canonically black and we should respect that and bring out the best of that, yk what I mean?

That's all I have to say for now. I'm usually a very light-hearted cursed meme account on here but things are getting out of hand. I was wanting to make my 8 yr old brother get into the Riordanverse fandom but seeing the situation of the fandom rn scares me. We need to think about the kids in the future who'll be in this fandom, whose lives will be changed and shaped by these books. Surely, the older people in the fandom before us would be utterly disappointed at what it's become and it's our job to constantly look out for the fandom.

If you're leaving/have left the fandom, I'm so sorry that it got to that point, but ur wellbeing comes first, do what you feel is necessary to feel better, all of us send lots of positive vibes towards your way! and to the peeps who've still decided to stay in the fandom and use their account to talk about this issue, I cannot express how thankful I am of you for doing such an important thing right now. And to everyone - as Harry Styles once said - treat people with kindness.

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babygirlkiki1016 · 4 years

Text

Dead in the water

Me and Dean sat on the edge of the bed like two teenagers in trouble as Sam was pacing the room, trying to think on what he should say. Finally he stops and looks at the both of us with his arms crossed.

"So let me get this straight, you tell her you wanna wait till she's eighteen but then you decide screw it?"

"....Sammy-" Dean begins to say but Sam cuts him off.

"Dean if your gonna be with her then you can't have sex till she's eighteen."

"Your ove- wait...what? So hold on your ok with this?"

"Yeah, I mean it was gonna happen sooner or later. It's hard for you to stay away from a beautiful lady anyways." I blushed at Sam's comment.

"Well that's new." Dean mutters and he grabs a lock of my hair, making me look over at him.

"What?"

"Your hair it's pink and purple."

"So two emotions at once? I'm guessing pink is love....and purple is fear. So your nervous and feeling loved at the same time!" Sam grabs his laptop and begins taking even more notes.

"Aren't you guys afraid if me?....I mean this isn't normal, don't you guys think I'm a monster or something?" I wondered, was I a monster? Is this what happened to me years ago? Is this what dad was talking about, about how he didn't trust John because...something happened to me?

"Well you certainly have powers, but you can't control it besides you don't know what's going on."

"And you haven't killed anyone." Dean adds.

"But why is this happening now? When I was at home none of this was happening....maybe I should call dad..."

"No, we can't risk him finding us, the next time you call him he'll probably be ready....and I don't want you to go..." Dean admits, while scooting closer, I could tell he wanted to kiss me.

"You two get a room! Wait no, don't do that." Sam laughs, "Alright love birds we need to get back to the subject at hand." He starts researching about the case we're working on, Dean was still staring at me. "Dean!" Sam yells, catching his attention. "Day dream later, work now, you need to take Y/n to get a few things."

"Like what?" He asked.

"Tattoo, gun that kind of stuff, if she's gonna be a hunter then she needs to have the supplies."

"W-Wait what tattoo?" I stutter and Dean points to the pentagram on his chest.

"It's so we don't get possessed, don't worry I'll be there with you."

"Ok, and a gun? I mean why not just use the ones we already have in the back of the impala?"

"Cause you need your own, one that you can carry with you at all times." Dean gets up, puts his shirt back on then grabs the keys to baby. "C'mon we'll get you prepared while Sam does his nerdy thing." I chuckle and follow after him, while grabbing his hand to hold it. He didn't even question it, he pulled me in and kissed my lips, making me yearn for more. Sadly the kiss didn't last long, if we stood there any longer Sam probably would've come out. When we got in the car, the whole drive to the tattoo parlor we were jamming out to eye of the tiger. Which I was still humming it while I was sitting in the chair getting the pentagram on my (wherever you decide to put it.)

"That's a pretty good spot." Dean commented, as he sat next to me.

"Thank you." I grinned, he smiled but it slowly faltered over time, making me grab his hand, squeezing it. "You ok?" I asked worriedly.

"...What happened at the motel can't happen again." He didn't even look at me it was like he was ashamed, did he regret what we did?

"Why not?" He didn't answer, I grabbed his chin and made him face me. Sighing he scoots closer as he lowers his voice.

"Your seventeen Y/n...."

"So? We only have (how many months until you birthday.) I'm technically eighteen already."

"One I don't wanna get arrested and two, we met about about three weeks ago. Don't you think we're moving a little to fast?"

"According to Sam you bone a girl on every case, or at least try to, and your saying it's a little to fast?"

"Good point, but....I just want you to be sure this-" He points to himself, as if himself was a problem. "-is what you want."

"....You are what I want, if you weren't I wouldn't have kissed you. Although if you wanna wait....I respect your decision." That made him smile, he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you, now I believe your tattoo is done." I looked down at it, it was sexy as hell. After we payed for it, we went on the road again. When we crossed over the bridge I asked Dean if we could stop to see the lake and look at the sunset. Hesitantly he agreed and pulled over, I got out excitedly. The lake was a dark blue mixed in with pink and orange from the sun, it made me sad to think it was gonna be gone soon.

"It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Not as beautiful as you." Dean flirted making me blush as he pulled me closer by the waist. He started to lean in, those rough lips covering my soft ones.

"I thought we couldn't do this again."

"I meant almost having sex, kisses are something we can definitely do." He smirked and leaned back in again, and as his lips brushed against mine his phone rang. Angrily he sighed and answer it, it was probably Sam.

"What? No we're not!" The look on his face made me giggle as he looked over at me. He started moving his hand, pretending it was Sam who talks to much. "We'll be there in twenty minutes Sam, we still gotta get a gun. Sam, Sammy we're fine....alright we'll be there as soon as we can. Mhm ok bye."

"He's certainly a talker huh?"

"It's a nightmare on how much he can talk...now where were we? Oh yeah I remember." He pulled me back to his side. "Might as well steal as many kisses I can get before we head back to the kiss police." He smirked and smashed his lips against mine once more as his arms wrapped around me. This time it wasn't just a normal kiss, I fought for dominance, my tongue asking for entry. Biting his lip he pulled back, "Y/n keep doing that and I just might say screw it again.." As he said that he slipped from my grasp. "No I promised myself I can wait...c'mon let's get back to Sam." Sighing in disappointment I got back in the car, I guess he's really serious about this.

"I found something." Sam says as we sit next to him. "So there's the three drowning victims this year."

"Any before that?" I wondered.

"Uh, yeah." Sam has a browser window open to The Lake Manitoc Tribune. "DROWNING TAINTS ICE FISHING FESTIVAL." It says, he clicks, and another browser window comes up, again The Tribune: 12-YEAR-OLD Girl DROWNS IN LAKE, Second drowning in 6 months at Lake Manitoc. "Damn, so six more spread out over the past thirty-five years. Those bodies were never recovered either. If there is something out there, it's picking up its pace."

"So, what, we got a lake monster on a binge?" Dean jokes as he grabs a beer, he hands the both of us one.

"Dean no." Sam tries to take it away from me.

"Aww c'mon Sammy one beer won't hurt." Dean winks at me, both of the boys stare at me as I take a sip without any reaction. "See what'd I say? She's fine."

"So this whole lake monster theory." I try getting them back on track. "It, it just bugs me."

"Why?" Sam looks at me in confusion.

"Loch Ness, Lake Champlain, there are literally hundreds of eyewitness accounts, but here, almost nothing." Sam looks at the Tribune homepage once more.

"Whatever it is out there, no one's living to talk about it." Sam states as he scrolls to the comments section of an article, I point to one.

"Wait, Barr, Christopher Barr. Where have I heard that name before?" I remember that name, I thought, it's so familiar. Sam reads from the page.

"Christopher Barr, the victim in May." Sam clicks a link, opening a new page. "LOCAL Man IN TRAGIC ACCIDENT." The picture loads and it shows a police officer with Lucas. "Christopher Barr was Andrea's husband, Lucas's father. Apparently he took Lucas out swimming. Lucas was on a floating wooden platform when Chris drowned. Two hours before the kid got rescued." Sam clicks the picture for a better look, then scratches his head. "Maybe we have an eyewitness after all."

"That kid must be so freaked out. Watching one of your parents die isn't something you just get over....." I felt bad, but so far Lucas is our only lead, hopefully he'll help us. We headed to the park planning to talk to Lucas who was our only witness. Kids are laughing and playing as Andrea sits on a bench and watches her kid. Who is at another bench coloring and playing with toy soldiers.

"Can we join you?" Sam asks and Andrea looks up.

"I'm here with my son." She says as I spot Lucas and so does Dean.

"Oh. Mind if we say hi?" Dean asks, and he lightly grabs my arm signaling for me to come with.

"Why are you bringing me with you?"

"Cause of he doesn't talk, then hopefully you can convince him." We approach Lucas, who's drawing a picture.

"How's it going?" Dean kneels down next to the bench where Lucas is coloring, when Lucas doesn't even look up, Dean picks up one of the toy soldiers.

"Oh, I used to love these things." Dean imitates guns and explosions, I chuckle as he tosses the toy soldier down.

"I think crayons is more his thing Dean. That's cool, besides I like to draw myself, including painting." I noticed that he has a pile of drawings on the bench. Dean takes a look, the top one is of a big black swirl, the second one is of a red bicycle.

"Hey, these are pretty good. You mind if we sit and draw with you for a while?" Dean asks, he picks up a crayon. "I'm not so bad myself."

"Oh really?" I ask.

"Yea I'm a pretty good artist."

"Mhm...we'll see." I grab a crayon and a piece of paper, and start drawing. "Can you draw a bird?"

"Oh so this is a competition? Your on."

Dean sits on the bench, picks up a pad of paper, and starts drawing. "You know, I'm thinking you can hear me, you just don't want to talk. I don't know exactly what happened to your dad, but I know it was something real bad. I think I know how you feel. When I was your age, I saw something." Dean says to Lucas. "You don't think anyone will listen to you, or believe you. I want you to know that I will. You don't even have to say anything. You could draw me a picture about what you saw that day, with your dad, on the lake...hm?" I say, Dean sighs. "Okay, no problem. This is for you." Dean holds out to Lucas the picture he drew, it's stick figures. "This is my family." Dean points at each person in turn. "That's my dad. That's my mom. That's my geek brother, and that's me, then a little birdy in the sky-" Dean stops talking as he sees my drawing, which was a lot more detailed than his.

"I thought you could draw Dean." I giggle.

"All right, so I'm a sucky artist...." Dean waits for any sign from Lucas, hoping he would chime in but nothing. "Well see you around, Lucas." Dean heads back to Sam and Andrea, I smile, he seems really good with kids, I thought.

"Here." I place my drawing next to Lucas. "You can keep it...just know of you need anything, I'm here." Him still not responding, I make my way to the others.

"Lucas hasn't said a word, not even to me. Not since his dad's accident." I hear Andrea say.

"Yeah, we heard. Sorry." Dean says softly.

"What are the Doctors saying?" I ask.

"That it's a kind of post-traumatic stress." She explains.

"That can't be easy. For either of you." Sam intervenes.

"We moved in with my dad. He helps out a lot. It's just...when I think about what Lucas went through, what he saw..."

"Kids are strong. You'd be surprised what they can deal with." Dean smiles and looks over at me, making me roll my eyes.

"You know, he used to have such life. He was hard to keep up with, to tell you the truth. Now he just sits there. Drawing those pictures, playing with those army men. I just wish-" Andrea goes silent as Lucas walks up, carrying a picture.

"Hey sweetie, you ok?" I kneel and smile, he hands me the picture. "Thank you..." It's a picture of the Carlton house....

Me and Dean are inside the motel room, I'm sitting at the table and Dean is sitting on a bed. Sam went to the library to get some books so we were alone.

"Y/n? Here." Dean suddenly speaks, he pats the seat next to him. I slowly walk over and sit next to him.

"You ok?"

"Yeah...About earlier, on the bridge...."

"Dean..."

"It's not that I don't want to I do trust me I do...."

"Don't apologize, it's ok I understand..." He glances over at me, his eyes showed a little bit of lust. We both started to lean, this feels wrong, I thought, but yet so right. We've only known each other for a few weeks, yet I wanted him more as his lips brushed against mine. Our lips connect, making me scoot closer but Dean pulls back again.

"We can't..." Yet he kisses me again muttering over and over one more. I slipped onto his lap, straddling him while pulling closer. Before we could possibly go any farther Sam opens the door and comes in as we quickly seperate.

"So, I think it's safe to say we can rule out Nessie." He says, unaware of what was going on.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, Sam sits across from me and Dean.

"I just drove past the Carlton house. There was an ambulance there. Will Carlton is dead."

"He drowned?" Dean asks.

"Yep. In the sink."

"What the hell? So you're right, this isn't a creature. We're dealing with something else."

"Yeah, but what?"

"I don't know. Water wraith, maybe? Some kind of demon? I mean, something that controls water...water that comes from the same source."

"The lake, that's the source." I chime in. "Which would explain why it's upping the body count. The lake is draining. It'll be dry in a few months so whatever this thing is, it's running out of time."

"And if it can get through the pipes, it can get to anyone, almost anywhere." Sam says as Dean stands up.

"This is gonna happen again soon. And we do know one other thing for sure. We know this has got something to do with Bill Carlton."

"Yeah, it took both his kids." Dean growls.

"I've been asking around. Lucas's dad, Chris, is Bill Carlton's godson."

"Let's go pay Mr. Carlton a visit."

We left to go to the Carlton house a s spotted Bill sitting on the bench on the dock. Sam speaks "Mr. Carlton?" He looks up, wondering who we are

"We'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

"We're from the, the Department-" Bill cuts Dean off.

"I don't care who you're with. I've answered enough questions today."

"Your son said he saw something in that lake. What about you? You ever see anything out there? Mr. Carlton, Sophie's drowning and Will's death-we think there might be a connection to you or your family." I explain.

"My children are gone. It's...it's worse than dying. Go away. Please." Realizing we weren't gonna get any where we decide to head back to the car.

"What do you guys think?" Sam ask.

"I think the poor guy's been through hell. I also think he's not telling us something." Dean guesses, Sam leans on the Impala.

"So now what?" I ask, Dean goes still "What is it?"

"Huh...." Dean is looking at the Carlton house. "Maybe Bill's not the only one who knows something. Y/n do you have the picture Lucas gave to you?" I nod and pull it out, the picture Lucas brought him, which is of the Carlton house.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a good idea." Andrea says, we decided to give Lucas another visit hoping he'd talk to us.

"We just need to talk to him. Just for a few minutes." I plead.

"He won't say anything. What good's it gonna do?"

"Andrea, we think more people might get hurt. We think something's happening out there." Sam explained.

"My husband, the others, they just drowned. That's all."

"If that's what you really believe, then we'll go. But if you think there's even a possibility that something else could be going on here, please let me talk to your son." Dean looks at her, hoping she'll say yes. Silently she agrees leads us into Lucas room with Sam and Andrea behind us, he's coloring, toy soldiers standing around him. We enter and Dean crouches down by Lucas. "Hey, Lucas. You remember us?" I notice Lucas has drawn two more pictures of a red bicycle. "You know, I, uh, I wanted to thank you for that last drawing. But the thing is, we need your help again." Lucas is drawing a person in water. Dean opens the house picture and puts it down in front of Lucas.

"How did you know to draw this? Did you know something bad was gonna happen? Maybe you could nod yes or no for me." He ignores Dean and keeps coloring. I slowly walk over and sit down in front of him. "You're scared. It's okay. I understand." Dean told him. "See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom...I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom-I know she wants me to be brave. Cause she taught me to be brave. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave too...its ok if you don't want to, but I really need your help." Lucas drops his crayon and looks up at Dean then at me. He hands me a picture of a white church, a yellow house, and a boy with a blue baseball cap and red bicycle in front of a wooden fence.

"Thanks, Lucas." I smile, which he returns making me fill with happiness. After we left Andrea's house the three of us are standing infront of the Impala, Sam examining the church picture.

"Andrea said the kid never drew like that till his dad died." Dean speaks.

"There are cases-going through a traumatic experience could make people more sensitive to premonitions, psychic tendencies." Sam groans.

"It's all part of the process." I chime in. "Whatever's out there, what if Lucas is tapping into it somehow?"

"You mean magically?" Dean asked, confused.

"Yeah, I mean he might be connected but he doesn't even know...but what does the church have to do with this?"

"I don't know, but the only problem is there's about a thousand yellow two-stories in this county alone." Sam looks at the picture. "See this church? I bet there's less than a thousand of those around here."

"Oh, college boy thinks he's so smart." Dean comments.

"Well what about the church we passed by when we drove into town?" I wondered which the boys thought it wouldn't hurt. So we drove to the white church shaped like the one in Lucas's picture. There's a yellow house next to the church and a wooden fence near the house. When we got to the door, I knocked and a woman answered. We told her we were FBI, at first she was hesitant but eventually let's us in.

"Im sorry to mother you ma'am, but does a little boy live here, by chance? He might wear a blue ball cap, has a red bicycle." I ask.

"No Ms, Not for a very long time. Peter's been gone for thirty-five years now." She sighs, and I notice a picture of Peter on the side table. "The police never-I never had any idea what happened. He just disappeared." Sam points out to Dean a number of toy soldiers on a table. Just like the ones at Luca's house, I thought, so I was right. "Losing him-you know, it's...it's worse than dying." She explained, however I felt someone staring at me, it was Dean. When we make eye contact he looks away, cheeks burning.

"Did he disappear from here? I mean, from this house?" Dean asks.

"He was supposed to ride his bike straight home after school, and he never showed up." Sweeny answers, I start to walk around and pick a picture off the mirror. There are two boys in the picture, one Peter with a bicycle. I read the back of the picture, the words made my eyes go wide. "Peter Sweeney and Billy Carlton, nineteen seventy." I mutter, after the visit with Mrs. Sweeny, we decide to go talk to Bill again. "Mr. Carlton?" Sam calls out as we walk up to the house, we hear an engine roar. We run around the house to see Bill going out on the lake in his boat. "Hey, check it out." Dean says, pointimg towards the lake. We start to run to the end of the dock, yelling. "Mr. Carlton! You need to come back! Come out of the water! Turn the boat around!"

He ignores us and keeps going, the boat was to far out, all I could see was the water rising up, making Bill's boat flip over.

After the accident me, Sam, Dean, and Jake walk in the door of the police station. Andrea looks over, "Sam, Y/n, Dean." She stands up, putting the bag and a container on her chair. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"So now you're on a first-name basis." Jake says. "What are you doing here?"

"I brought you dinner."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I don't really have the time."

"I heard about Bill Carlton. Is it true? Is something going on with the lake?"

"Right now we don't know what the truth is. But I think it might be better if you and Lucas went on home." Lucas looks up and whines, looking stricken. He jumps up and grabs my arm, pulling and tugging.

"Lucas, hey, what is it?" I kneel down, it was like he was trying to get a message to me but couldn't form the words. "Lucas?"

"Lucas." Andrea calls.

"Lucas, it's okay. It's okay. Hey, Lucas, it's okay. It's okay." I say and was about to comfort him when Andrea pulls him away from me and leads him outside. He doesn't look away from me however. Jake throws down his jacket and goes into his office. The three of us follow behind. "Okay, just so I'm clear, you see...something attack Bill's boat, sending Bill-who is a very good swimmer, by the way-into the drink, and you never see him again?" Jake summarizes, Dean glances at me.

"Yeah, that about sums it up." Dean mutters.

"And I'm supposed to believe this, even though I've already sonar-swept that entire lake? And what you're describing is impossible? And you're not really Wildlife Service." Dean looks surprised. "That's right, I checked. Department's never heard of you three."

"See, now, we can explain that."

"Enough. Please. The only reason you're breathing free air is one of Bill's neighbors saw him steering out that boat just before you did. So, we have a couple of options here. I can arrest you for impersonating government officials and hold you as material witnesses to Bill Carlton's disappearance. Or, we can chalk this all up to a bad day, you get into your car, you put this town in your rearview mirror, and you don't ever darken my doorstep again."

"Door number two sounds good." Sam says but I was about to protest.

"That's the one I'd pick." After that we left, packed our stuff an left. I was pissed, there is something happening here and we're just gonna leave? The three of us are in the Impala, waiting at a traffic light. A sign says I-43 North to Milwaukee is to the left. The light turns green, but the Impala doesn't move, after a few seconds Dean turns right.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Thats what I'm wondering to. Dean, this job, I think it's over." Sam tells him.

"I'm not so sure." Dean says.

"If Bill murdered Peter Sweeney and Peter's spirit got its revenge, case closed. The spirit should be at rest."

"All right, so what if we take off and this thing isn't done? You know, what if we've missed something? What if more people get hurt?"

"Deans gotta point, I don't think this is over either." I agree.

"But why would you think that?" Sam questioned.

"Because Lucas was really scared."

"That's what this is about?" Sam groans.

"I just don't want to leave this town until I know the kid's okay." Dean agrees.

"Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?" Sam chuckles and Dean glances at Sam.

"Shut up."

We arrived back at the Barr's and stood out there for at least a good five minutes.

"Are you sure about this? It's pretty late." Sam asks us, Dean rings the doorbell. At that moment, Lucas opens the door, desperately afraid.

"Lucas? Lucas!" I yell but he takes off. We follow him to the hallway, water is pouring out from under the bathroom door and down the stairs. Lucas starts pounding on the bathroom door again. Dean pushes him over to Sam and I kick in the door. Lucas grabs Dean and me, so Sam runs into the bathroom and sticks his arms in the tub, trying to pull Andrea out. She is pulled back under, and Sam is struggling, so I run over and help him out. The force is strong but not strong enough, we keep pulling until Andrea is all the way out. As soon as she's out she starts coughing up water, later Andrea is sitting in the living room, dry and wearing comfortable clothing.

"Can you tell me?" Sam asks, who is sitting next to me.

"No." She answers. Dean and I were looking through notebooks on bookshelves, to see if anything that is happening would relate to the situation.

"It doesn't make any sense." She starts crying. "I'm going crazy." She puts her face in her hands.

"No, you're not. Tell me what happened. Everything." Sam pleads.

"I heard...I thought I heard...there was this voice."

"What did it say?"

"It said...it said 'come play with me'. What's happening?" Dean pulls out a scrapbook that says "Jake - 12 years old" and opens it, flipping pages. He closes it again, nudges me and we go over to Sam. He puts the book down in front of Andrea, open to a picture of Explorer Troop 37. "Do you recognize the kids in these pictures?"

"What? Um, no. I mean, except that's my dad right there. He must have been about twelve in these pictures." She moves her finger over to another picture of Jake as a child, he is standing next to Peter. Dean looks at Sam, then me.

"Chris Barr's drowning. The connection wasn't to Bill Carlton. It must have been to the Sheriff."

"Bill and the Sheriff-they were both involved with Peter." I muttered

"What about Chris? My dad-what are you talking about?" She asks, I look over to Lucas. "Lucas?" I call, he is staring out the window.

"Lucas, what is it?" Dean asks, Lucas opens the door and walks outside. We all follow him, he look determined.

"Lucas, honey?" Andrea calls as he stops and looks at the ground, then at Dean. "You and Lucas get back to the house and stay there, okay?" Dean says and Andrea pulls Lucas back to the house. Dean and Sam presumably fetch shovels from the Impala, before they start digging. After five minutes later I hold out my hand.

"Here Sam, I'll take over, why don't you go inside?" He nods and heads inside after handing me the shovel, so now it's just me and Dean. It was silent for a little while, until I spoke. "So, we gonna talk about it?" Dean glances at me.

"About what?"

"...The kiss, that Sam sort of ruined." He laughs.

"Well uh...what is there to talk about?" He stops, making me stop as I walk over to him, lightly placing my hand on his. "Dean I...Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why kiss me? I mean do you...love me? Or is this just a fling." He goes silent for a second, but speaks.

"I don't know what I feel...however when I'm with you I'm happy..." I smile, I make him happy, I thought. "Y/n...I know your seventeen, but I want to be with you. So will you be my girlfriend?" Quickly I nod which makes a flower bloom on his features. He slams his lips against mine. He drops the shovel and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. Sam clears his throat while laughing silently and we pull away, both of our cheeks red. "Am I interrupting?" I chuckle and we go back to digging as awkwardness fills the air. My shovel clanks against something, and me and Dean dig with our hands, pulling out a red bicycle.

"Peter's bike." I whisper.

"Who are you?" Jake growls from behind us, pointing a gun.

"Put the gun down, Jake." I tell him.

"How did you know that was there?"

"What happened? You and Bill killed Peter, drowned him in the lake and then buried the bike? You can't bury the truth, Jake. Nothing stays buried."

"I don't know what the hell your talking about."

"You and Bill killed Peter Sweeney thirty-five years ago. That's what the hell I'm talking about." Just then Andrea runs up yelling. "Dad!"

"And now you got one seriously pissed-off spirit." Dean mentions.

"It's gonna take Andrea, Lucas, everyone you love. It's gonna drown them. And it's gonna drag their bodies God knows where, so you can feel the same pain Peter's mom felt. And then, after that, it's gonna take you, and it's not gonna stop until it does." I tell Jake, he scoffs.

"Yeah, and how do you know that?"

"Because that's exactly what it did to Bill Carlton." Sam explains.

"Listen to yourselves, all of you. You're insane."

"I don't really give a rat's ass what you think of us. But if we're gonna bring down this spirit, we need to find the remains, salt them, and burn them into dust. Now tell me you buried Peter somewhere. Tell me you didn't just let him go in the lake." Dean begs.

"Dad, is any of this true?" Andrea asks, voice shaking.

"No. Don't listen to them. They're liars and they're dangerous."

"Something tried to drown me. Chris died on that lake. Dad, look at me." Jake does. "Tell me you-you didn't kill anyone." He looks away in shame. "Oh my God."

"Billy and I were at the lake. Peter was the smallest one. We always bullied him, but this time, it got rough. We were holding his head under the water. We didn't mean to. But we held him under too long and he drowned. We let the body go, and it sank." Jake tells us and Dean glances at Sam. "Oh, Andrea, we were kids. We were so scared. It was a mistake. But, Andrea, to say that I have anything to do with these drownings, with Chris, because of some ghost? It's not rational."

"All right, listen to me, all of you. We need to get you away from this lake, as far as we can, right now." Dean warns, but Andrea turns her head and spots Lucas going down to the lake, she gasps. We turn to what she's looking at, "Lucas!" I yell and I run up to the dock. Lucas is leaning over the side, reaching for a toy soldier in the water. "Lucas!" Dean yells.

"Lucas! Baby, stay where you are" Andrea yells. A hand comes up and pulls Lucas into the water. The adults have reached the edge of the lake. Jake stops as Peter's head is visible, Jake recognizes him. We keep running to the end of the dock.

"Oh my God!" Andrea yells. She takes off her jacket to jump in.

"Andrea, stay there!" I say and I jump in, I could hear Andrea trying to get to Lucas.

"We'll get him! Just stay on the dock!" Sam pleads. I could see Lucas at the bottom and I swim down there to get him. He was being dragged down, I swim faster, what I didn't understand is Lucas was let go and started floating upwards. Did the ghost just let him go? That doesn't matter, I grab Lucas and swim back to the surface. I emerge while holding Lucas, who isn't moving.

The three of us walk out of the motel, Dean opens his car door and Sam tosses a duffel in.

"Look, we're not gonna save everybody." Sam says, he was referring to Jake who died to save Lucas.

"I know." Dean sighs.

"Sam, Dean." Andrea walks up with Lucas. "Hey." Me and Dean say at the same time. "We're glad we caught you. We just, um, we made you lunch for the road." Lucas is carrying a tray of sandwiches.

"Lucas insisted on making the sandwiches himself."

"Can I give it to them now?" Lucas excitedly asks.

"Of course." Andrea smiles and kisses his head.

"Come on, Lucas, let's load this into the car." Dean says.

"How you holding up?" I ask Andrea.

"It's just gonna take a long time to sort through everything, you know?" I sigh. "Andrea, I'm sorry, if I knew-" She silences me and shakes her head.

"You saved my son. I can't ask for more than that. Dad loved me. He loved Lucas. No matter what he did, I just have to hold on to that." I smile as Dean walks up to me with Lucas.

"All right, if you're gonna be talking now, this is a very important phrase, so I want you to repeat it one more time."

"Zeppelin rules!" Lucas laughs.

"That's right. Up high." Dean holds his hand up for a high-five. Lucas obliges, grinning.

"You take care of your mom, okay?"

"All right." The both of them leave, Dean smiles and gives me a peck on the lips, then goes around the car.

"Sam, move your ass. We're gonna run out of daylight before we hit the road."

"Yeah yeah ok." Sam chuckled as we all got in, continuing with our adventure.

The New Hunter Masterlist

@samsgirl93 @nani-gram @eliwinchester99

#dean supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester imagines #sam winchester #sam winchester imagines #dean winchester smut #dean x reader #dean x y/n #sam winchester smut #sam x you #supernatural

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couldbeasong · 3 years

Note

1-60 for the ask meme

Ope sorry I did not see this until today. I think I know the one? If it’s not the one you meant just lmk lol

1. Selfie?

You can have this picrew but I wish to be unperceived.

2. What would you name your future kids?

For female names I like: Harmony, Slyvia, Edelweiss, Bethany, and Opal

For male names I like: Uriah, Aiden, Kai, Levi, and Luke

3. Do you miss anyone?

My grandpa and Midnight (old dog)

4. What are you looking forward to?

Going on vacation in a few weeks, the end of the semester, and seeing @calligraphywitch tomorrow

5. Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@calligraphywitch and my other girlfriend. They’re hilarious lmao

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Romantically? Not really. You kinda gotta just accept it and move on. In the past, always being like: this will never work because of reason xyz helps.

Friendship wise? Absolutely. It depends a lot on the emotional investment I put into the relationship, but I find myself still missing people I haven’t talked to since High School or Middle School.

7. What was your life like last year?

It was weird being a freshman in college and trying to survive. I had a lot of family problems going on along with one of my best friends from High School being on her death bed for a while. A bit of a crisis of faith as well. But we survived, God willing! I miss pre-pandemic times tho

8. Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

Ask my brother. I’m sure there’s been an instance.

9. Who did you last see in person?

My grandma across the room from me!

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I hide them so well I can’t even find them!

I like to pretend they aren’t there and repress them a lot but idk if I’m good at hiding them from others per say.

11. Are you listening to music right now?

I’m in a zoom meeting for class, so I guess my professor's voice?

12. What is something you want right now?

Freedom

13. How do you feel right now?

Kinda tired, kinda nauseous, kinda bored. Idk I probably need to drink some water.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

Uhhhh idk about a week ago? My last hug was probably a week ago too XD

15. Personality description

I like to think I’m funny

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

I work in customer service- everyday (:

17. Opinion on insecurities.

Everyone is insecure about something. It’s kinda fascinating how even though all of humanity is exactly the same (in terms of our struggles and insecurities, we don’t vary) we still judge others for having them. Confidence is seen as a virtue and the most attainable goal. Society profits off of your insecurities tho so be aware of what they are and don’t let yourself be scammed.

18. Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Certain aspects perhaps. But 2019 is gone. It performed and then it left. It can’t hurt us or help us anymore. There’s little use in dwelling on that and wishing for 2020 to be 2019.

19. Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I swear Ima go one day and see a show on Broadway.

20. What is your favorite song at the moment?

I have like three I’m cycling between rn

When You’re Home from In the Heights

Wake Up by Jenny Owen Youngs

Together by For King and Country

21. Age and birthday?

Old enough to know better and October

22. Description of crush.

He’s super great and super intelligent, not to mention super in love with God. Frankly, he deserves better than me. I gotta lot of self-improvement that needs to happen, but we’ll see what happens XD

23. Fear(s)

Heights, drowning, spiders, super dark streets and rooms, not being good enough

24. Height

5′5″ respectfully

25. Role model

It’s changed through the various stages of my life. Rn tho a few of my Christian online friends

26. Idol(s)

I mean I stan Brian David Gilbert, but I don’t idolize him lol

27. Things I hate

Cheesecake, sickly sweet stuff, when someone grabs the receipt out of the printer even though it’s way more effort for them to do so than for me just to hand it to them and it throws me off of my rhythm, fudge

28. I’ll love you if…

You exist (and even not then because fictional characters just hit different lol)

29. Favorite film(s)

Tangled, Ella Enchanted, Enchanted, Howls Moving Castle, Princess, and the Pauper

30. Favorite tv show(s)

Brooklynn 99, Parks and Recreation, Ouran High School Host Club, My Hero Academia, and Bojack Horseman (I’m going through a phase with it rn lol)

31. 3 random facts

Blue is my favorite color, I own almost nothing in blue, people are better at identifying members of their own race better than members of other races.

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Girls- they’re easier to talk to and approach. Tho I stan and love my guy friends. They are kings.

33. Something you want to learn

Everything? Idk I have an insatiable desire to learn and it switches. Consistently, I want to learn how to make my own clothes, play either piano, guitar, or violin, and detail cars.

34. Most embarrassing moment

Uggg I’m not talking about it and neither is @calligraphywitch

35. Favorite subject

I really enjoyed Statistics as much as I have hated it. My all-time favorite class I have ever taken tho was AP US Literature

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Graduate grad school, get married, travel overseas

37. Favorite actor/actress

uhhh probably Chris Pratt or anyone who was on Parks and Recreation. Tho Broadway actors, I love Christian Borle

38. Favorite comedian(s)

John Mulaney

39. Favorite sport(s)

I miss playing softball and volleyball so prolly those

40. Favorite memory

There are too many to count. But usually, involve good conversations under the stars after 2 AM.

41. Relationship status

Have a picrew of my sister and me. Keep scrolling and mind ya business (jk ily anon)

42. Favorite book(s)

The Bible lol but fictional book wise, I will always love the Warrior Cats series. Red Queen was pretty lit. The Hourglass Door gave me a love for time travel aus lol. And Library Wars is near and dear to my heart.

43. Favorite song ever

You can’t ask me thisssss

Idk Hope is what we crave by For King and Country

44. Age you get mistaken for

24-30 it depends on the context

45. How you found out about your idol

@calligraphywitch

46. What my last text message says

No xD not disney

47. Turn-ons

When you have a musical playing and the end of one song is the start of another so they bleed into each other. CHILLS or when a line of poetry just expresses how someone feels. OR when different parts harmonize just right

48. Turn-offs

When my computer deletes my homework right before it’s done

49. Where I want to be right now

In a little cabin in the woods

50. Favorite picture of your idol

51. Starsign

Scorpio

52. Something I’m talented at

Reading peoples emotions

53. 5 things that make me happy

Music, Friends, Deep Conversations, Hugs, and God

54. Something that's worrying me at the moment

So much to do so much to see

55. Tumblr friends

Friends and mutuals include:

@calligraphywitch @an-assortment-of-forks @repentance-brings-healing @synthetic-blanket-hairs @loneallegiance @boywiththewand @knightof-cups @a-lil-strawberry @linkedwolf @indygo @obnoxioushair

There’s plenty more than that and I love you all ^^

56. Favorite food(s)

Tacos, Crab Ragoons, Salty Foods, RICE

57. Favorite animal(s)

Wolves and cats

58. Description of my best friend

Artistic, beautiful, supportive, hardworking. She is hilarious and an amazing person. There’s so much to the many reasons I love her I just can’t do it in words

59. Why I joined tumblr

Back in the 7th grade, my friends all had one and helped set me up with one. And that’s that.

60. Ask me anything you want

You want nothing ig lol if you want to submit one I can answer it still

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shaekingshitup · 4 years

Text

Same Room (JP3 Part 2)

A/N: Hello boos! Here’s part 2 of The JP3 series. Again, this is based on a song that I enjoy by JP Saxe which you can find here. Idk what to say except for... sorry in advance.

A MILLION THANKS TO @glittermakesmesmile because she’s a whole gem!

_________________________________

“Aww man, I forget about this day” Nia thought as she paused her swiping. She sat on the floor of her bedroom with her head laying back on her bed. A sad smile inhabited her features as she reminisced on the impromptu beach date she and Erik had on a midsummer July day. He’d decided to call out of work and give himself a three day weekend to spend more time with her in anticipation of being apart for an entire week as she was going on her annual Girls Trip the following Monday.

“The Ted Talk said don’t do this Nia,” she groaned aloud. If her friends knew what she was doing, they would confiscate her whole ass phone in a heartbeat. Thank goodness her secret album of all of their photos was password protected and unable to be located due to a newly downloaded app. Her friends had helped her get rid of all of his things once the split happened. His boxers, date night movie stubs, old museum tickets, the pine cone that she scooped up after their first picnic, it was all gone. The jewelry she kept. Her friends were trying to help her cope but they weren’t stupid. They told her to pawn it but it still sat stashed in the back of her closet.. along with her favorite sweatshirt of his. It was all she had left. Well, that and the photos.

They didn’t do him justice. She should know. She’d just seen him that night for the first time in a month. She knew he was going to be at the concert tonight. Hell, they’d bought the tickets together under the assumption that they’d be going to the concert the same way. She didn’t expect to turn around and see him in the VIP looking good as hell though. She loved to be up front and as close to the artist as possible so she always went for General Admission.

“I wonder if it was his idea,” Nia thought contemplating his upgrade from GA to VIP. “Was it because of me?”

Based on her first glance, he and his friends were there for more than just the music. She’d continued to steal a few more glances at him throughout the night as he sat on the slightly raised platform with the small tables and scantily clad bottle service girls hanging around like pretty decorations.She wasn’t the only one looking as she noticed Erik was checking her and her girls playing it off as if he was genuinely interested in the DJ that was getting the crowd ready. They both pretended they didn’t see each other lookin-especially for the sake of their friends, who were doing their parts to establish barriers between she and Erik. Her friends went as far as to escort her to the bathroom, so that her path wouldn’t intersect with his and spawn an awkward conversation. It wasn’t even the awkwardness that Nia was worried about, just the thought of, “Hey, how are you?” simply hurt too much. It was all too fresh for her.

She thought back to when that guy had approached her between the opener’s set and the headliner’s. Paul was his name. He was cute and he’d done such a great job of shooting his shot that she couldn’t help but laugh at all that he’d said. But even as he smiled down at her saying all the right things, all she could think about was Erik. Was he watching her? What were his thoughts? Was he jealous? Was he happy for her for moving on? Is this still what he wanted? As she’d let Paul down easy, she had looked back and found one of those bottle girls perched on his knee but his gaze was looking past her to Nia.

Thankfully, the show began and she was able to get swept up in the performance. Afterwards, her bodyguards had gotten her out to the parking lot and were plottin on where to eat, but she wasn’t feeling it. So instead she came back home, warmed up some leftover pasta, and had been sitting on her phone scrolling through the memories ever since. She wanted so desperately to text him. Better yet, to call him and hear his voice again. But they’d both decided that this was the best thing to do.

She paused coming upon a photo she’d taken of him in Livraria Lello. She reflected upon when his work had taken him out of California for almost a month, as he trekked to various states and eventually across continents. On his final leg of travel, he’d FaceTimed her and asked her to come meet him before he came back home. There’d been no hesitation, no thought of saying no. She’d simply called out sick for work the next day and caught her flight to Portugal the same evening. They’d spent the weekend laid up together, sightseeing in between his final meetings. It was one of the first times they’d travelled together and everything was perfect. They were inseparable.��

“I guess that was the problem,” she thought.

“Now we can’t even be in the same room.” she spoke aloud closing the app and her eyes as well.

______________________________

PART 3

Tagged: @twistedcharismaaa @mygirlrenee @glittermakesmesmile @sarcastic-sunshines @chaneajoyyy @shewrites02 @ghostfacekill-monger @raysunshine78 @shewritestheblues @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @fd-writes @eyeknowmywrites @thadelightfulone

#shaekingspeaks #same room #jp3 #erik x oc #erik killmonger #erik stevens x reader #erik stevens #erik killmonger x oc

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1d-fics · 5 years

Text

What I’m Reading April-June

Sorry for the long delay, I’ve really been lacking the motivation these past few months - but I am still reading fic! Here’s what I’ve been reading lately:

Re-Reads:

1. We’ll Be Seamless (dinosaursmate) - Louis spends all his spare time scrolling arty nude blogs on Tumblr but amongst them all, Green is his favourite.

2. Responsible Forever for What You Have Tamed (leighbot) - Harry runs away to escape his past and Louis has nowhere else to go to have a future.

3. Just Lay with Me (givemesumaurgravy) - Louis is the coach of Harry’s daughter’s football team and Harry likes Louis’ bum. One day there’s a parent football game and Louis, just maybe, starts hitting on Harry and, just maybe, Harry gives in.

4. For Better, Worse, and Mischief (I’m All Yours) (redorchid) - The One Direction PR management team decides that Harry needs to get married. Harry doesn't want to. Louis comes up with the perfect solution to the problem.

5. I’d Burn This City Down to Show You the Light (you_explode) - Harry’s a sheltered rich kid and Louis’ a punk with a heart of gold. They meet when Louis breaks into Harry’s house, Harry obtains an instant and all-encompassing crush, and they spend the summer falling into a whirlwind romance.

6. Hold My Breath (zarah5) - It's possible — possible — that his three-week ban from the football pitch makes Louis just a tad antsy. Surely it's not so bad that it warrants punishment in the form of his friends signing him up for a yoga class? Either way, Louis is determined to hate every second of it.He didn't count on a yoga instructor who wears flower-patterned headscarves and smiles like summer won't end.

7. In Dreams (dolce_piccante) - When Harry moves to a new city, his new flat come with a number of sweet, anonymous gifts and surprises that brighten his days. Could it be a friendly ghost? Another friendly presence in his new building is his tattooed neighbor, Louis, who seems determined to put a smile back on his face.

8. I Love You More (shoulderbone) - Boys like Harry can't fall in love. But then he meets Louis. A love story in two parts.

9. Standing on the Edge of Forever (ellao) - Harry Styles is a single father, just trying to keep his life organized after losing his husband four years earlier. Between his daughter, Liam's hellion twins, and Sophia throwing him into any romantic tangle she can think of, life gets a little crazy. Of course, everything changes the moment Lo and the twins get interested in their school musical, The Wizard of Oz. Because the new director, Louis Tomlinson, is just about the most attractive man that Harry has ever seen.

10. Cupid’s Chokehold (bluelemur) - Louis is a Cupid who tries to match up Niall and Harry. It doesn't work out as planned.

11. Hold Onto Your Stars (vashtaneradas) - Harry's in the army, Louis' back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.

12. Bring Out Feelings in Me I Never Show (orphan_account) - Louis accidentally hires a felon to be his fake boyfriend for Thanksgiving.

13. (Your Heartbeat) Rang True Inside My Bones (flimsy) - Harry goes as Louis' date for a weekend wedding. He ends up taking the role a bit too seriously.

14. Life at Shutter Speed (zarah5) - Having landed a job modelling for an outdoor clothing catalogue, Harry certainly wouldn’t mind doing some extracurricular work for photographer Louis Tomlinson. Say, a private photo session? Yes, please? Good thing that Harry has ten days and three beautiful locations -- Morocco, Indonesia and the Swiss Alps -- to make Louis see just how good they could be.

15. Three French Hems (100percentsassy, gloria_andrews) - In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

New Reads:

1. We are Timeless (star_henderson) - Louis and Harry meet as teenagers and have a sweet encounter in Ibiza. Years later they meet up again...

2. Tightrope (sadaveniren) - Louis gets pregnant from "one last time" sex and he and Harry somehow think they'll be able co-parent without it being weird for anyone (most especially their new boyfriends).

3. Ten Million Ways to Love Somebody (slashter) - Louis and Omega!Louis switch places and there's basically a lot of confusion and feelings and sex.

4. A Perfect Reason (chelsea frew) - During a visit to a charity he'd like to support, Prince Louis--next in line to the throne of the United Kingdom--meets Harry, the man of his dreams. Trouble is, Louis is not out, and the law says his heirs can only be born of a woman. Louis is determined not to let that stop his pursuit of Harry. His determination doubles when Harry accidentally becomes pregnant. He and Harry will have their little family--and change the monarchy while they're at it.

5. Building Castles in the Sky (sexyasswoman) - Louis has a four year old with a stuttering problem. Harry is always there to help.

6. You Cured My January Blues (Yeah You Made it All Right) (writtensoul) - Louis is a lonely old soul with nothing to keep him company but his wild, albeit dry humor - and maybe the pretty boy who works at the pet store down the road.

7. Nobody Shines the Way You Do (wildestdreams) - Louis pretends to be Harry’s boyfriend to help him win back his douchebag ex-boyfriend, but things don’t go according to plan.

8. Monsters at Home (theteapirate) - Everyone's eyes are on Harry, the beautiful, charming new student. Harry's only got eyes for the school golden boy: football captain Louis Tomlinson, whose homophobic father complicates matters a bit.

9. Stuck in the Middle with You (green_feelings) - When Harry starts university, he finally gets to spend every day with Louis again. They have been friends since forever, and would do anything for each other. Given that, Harry doesn't hesitate to pose as Louis' boyfriend once he finds out that his new roommate is no other than Louis' crush.

10. ZIAM I Breathe You in, but Honey I Don’t Know (sweetdisaster) - Liam's a new solo artist who's had a crush on Zayn for ages and Zayn's in One Direction and doesn't think it's a good idea.

11. That Lace Shirt (missandrogyny) - "Nope," Louis answers. "I demand compensation for the hurt and trouble I underwent."

12. Battle Cry (velvetoscar) - Harry's got a heart, a soul, and a band. And with that, obviously, comes a future paved in great success, right? So all he has to do is win the Battle of the Bands, right? Simple. What's not so simple is the fact that Louis Tomlinson is his biggest competition. And also happens to be made of everything that Harry's ever wanted.

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artboitrash · 4 years

Text

His Bloody Rose (Stefano Valentini Fanfiction) Chapter 11 - Invitation

-Rose P.O.V.-

I sat alone in my painting class. Carolinn had run off to meet another instructor, and most of the students had left early today. I flicked through some videos on my phone, trying to find something to paint to. I wasn't feeling like painting today, but I needed to get something done before the day ended.

I looked up at my painting of a portrait. It was a woman with green hair, horns, a seemingly underwater scene, eyes completely obscured by her hair. I was supposed to create a series before the semester ended, and while that was still a long time away, I was stressing at what my artistic vision really was. I always painted female women in surreal environments, but I didn't have a statement to make.

It had been several days since I had stayed with Stefano. I felt my heart flutter slightly as my mind turned back to him. I couldn't keep my mind off of him, especially since I've come to terms with how I feel about him.

Even though he's a serial killer, I still love him.

I shuddered, thinking to myself, thinking about the situation I've put myself in. My mind couldn't help but compare him to the other boyfriends I've been with. He's so much better than them, but I'm sure other people's opinions would say differently if they knew what he did to his models.

Should I go to the police? I gulped slightly. If I go to the police, what would that make me? What would he do to me? Am I an accomplice to what he does?

The day I went home with him was one of my worst bouts of depression in several weeks. I had been doing a little better until then, but when I woke up that day I just didn't feel well at all. I knew anything going wrong at all would send me into a spiral, but once I was faced with trying to save face over someone I was beginning to fall for absolutely destroyed me.

To be honest, remembering it now I don't feel well again. I bit my own tongue, swallowing whatever bile was trying to rise through my throat.

I looked down at my phone, seeing it had shut off. I slid my finger over the home key to unlock with my fingerprint. It opened on my YouTube feed, and began to scroll through it again. I should never let myself be alone with my thoughts, they're so pessimistic and dangerous.

I clicked on a random video and turned my mind back to my painting. I took a breath and picked up a brush. I slid the strands through some of the paint on my pallet, and began to work on the background of the painting, focusing on an air bubbles.

I haven't really talked to Stefano since he took me home a few days ago. He and I texted each other every once in a while. I sent him the odd "How are you doing?" once or twice and only received "Pretty okay." in response. It felt a little awkward since we had only known each other for a very short time, we had only talk at most for two hours before I had gone to his home.

"Ah, shit." I muttered. I had made too rough of a stroke, leaving a large white line across the painting.

I picked up my rag and started to try and lift as much of the paint off the canvas as possible. I sighed. This painting isn't working very well.

My mind floated to my last boyfriend. I shuddered at the thought, a man named Ryan. I don't like to think about him very much. Sometimes my memories start to take over and play on their own while I'm working.

I tried to tune into the video that was playing, a comedy bit that was joking about the news. My thoughts played in the background, my conscious efforts to force them down almost failing.

He was the first person I had slept with. I didn't want to, and I don't know why I stayed with him after he had hurt me. His actions had gone downhill since the first few dates. Once he had become even more abusive, I finally had the gall to leave.

What didn't help my attempts to heal was that he still went to school with me. He had a few classes with me every once in a while, and even though he and I hadn't been in a relationship for at least a year and a half. When he had managed to be alone with me, Ryan would always joke about what he had done, sometimes saying I had overreacted and broken his heart. He wanted to be alone with me, even if it had been a year and a half since I had broken things off with him. If I could in those situations, I would leave the room, or run away as fast as I could.

I sprung up from my seat, ripping out my head phones and throwing my paintbrush into the water container. I sprinted across the room, grabbing onto a garbage can. I threw up my lunch, coughing as my body physically reacted to my thought process. I stood there for a little while, trying to reform my thoughts and ignore the taste of my own stomach acid.

With a shuddering sigh, I went to the art sink and began running the water. I rinsed out my mouth, gargling the water several times. I walked over to Carolinn's water kettle and grabbing a non-art glass. I poured some of the sterile water into the cup and drank it slowly. I allowed myself some time to breathe and think. It's okay now. What happened is all in the past, after all. I don't need to stress on what happened nearly two years ago, right?

I swallowed again, closing my eyes and sipping on the water. I don't have good taste in men. Most of who I've fallen in love with are people that need to be "fixed" in society's eyes, or just need someone to help them reform their thoughts. Even if they can't be fixed.

The door to the large painting room opened, and I opened my eyes. I watched someone enter, and realized it was Stefano. He looked at me as he entered, the door shutting behind him.

"Good evening, Rose." he said as he began to walk towards me.

Speak of the devil. I thought.

"Hi." I said, turning and setting the glass I had been drinking from on the counter behind me.

I stood up straight as he reached me. He had a slight smile across his face as he stopped walking, beginning to lean against the counter next to me. He leaned forward, sliding a hand behind my head and pulling me to him. He pressed his lips to my forehead, making me lean forward and grab onto his jacket for stability.

"You look a little pale, my dear." he chuckled. "And your head feels rather warm. Are you really getting sick?"

I sighed. "Maybe. I just puked in the garbage, so that's not too bad of a guess."

He hummed slightly, and kissed my forehead again. "Would you like me to take you home?"

"No, I'll be okay to get home on my own."

He chuckled, pulling away from me. He folded his arms loosely over his chest.

"Were you looking for Carolinn?"

"Yes, but I can wait until her return."

"Well, I hope you don't mind waiting, I think she's been gone for at least an hour."

"Have you been alone for that long?"

I shook my head, the small movement causing another feeling of nausea and vertigo. "Not really. There were some students that were painting in here too, but all of them eventually left. I was just going to stay until the last bus."

He nodded in understanding. "So is that your painting on the easel?"

"Yeah."

He chuckled. I leaned my head against him, closing my eyes and trying to ignore the sick feeling beginning to branch through me. I felt a little more comfortable around him, oddly, since I had gotten to know him. I felt him slide an arm around my back, pulling me into his chest, allowing me to hear his heartbeat. It was odd how real he felt; talking to him always gave me a sense of fiction, like he wasn't really there, as though he was almost too perfect to exist. When he let me touch him, it felt so strange since he wasn't fictive.

"Does it bother you?" I whispered.

"Does what bother me?" His voice reverberated through my head as he spoke, chest moving as he breathed. I could feel his hand slide into my hair, causing a shiver to run down my spine.

"How I feel about you." I rubbed my head into his chest. "I... I just can't help but feel it's like a burden for you to deal with."

He laughed deeply. His entire frame shook as he laughed loudly, and I could feel his head lean back.

"No." He leaned forward, and I felt his face press into my hair. "It doesn't bother me. You have not reacted the way most people would. You admire my work and do not overburden me with your affection. You attempt to be kind and communicate with me, so it does not bother me at all."

I nodded slightly. "Th-thank you."

I felt safe in Stefano's arms. It was odd, since I should know better. But since I just couldn't bring myself to care about my life, being with someone who seemed to, even if he was pretending, felt much better than the alternative.

"Ah, I've almost forgotten." He dropped his hand from my hair, making me back up and look at him. "The gallery went through, and they finally accepted my work to show."

I smiled. "Oh, that's fantastic!"

He looked away from me, looking around the room. "Mmm, I really hope this time it's received well. The past few times I'm afraid it's been judged by people with simple minds. They can't see the work I create the way they should."

I giggled slightly, pressing my head back against his chest. He raised his hand and began petting my hair. I liked the sensation of being so close to him. It was nice being able to trust someone like this, standing against him and not having my touch aversion kick in.

"Will you come to the opening of the gallery?"

I looked up into his eye. "Well, I think I'm expected to, so I can listen to you speak and get as much information on the gallery that I can."

He laughed slightly. "Yes, but that is not what I meant. I meant as my plus one."

I cocked my head. "Well, it's not really a formal event, I think, but... Me...?"

"Yes, bella. Of course I am asking you."

"Well, yes. I'd love to go with you."

He smirked down at me, then lifted his hand from my head. I felt one of his fingers drag across my face, making another shudder race down my spine.

"I'm rather curious, did you really mean it, when you said you loved me?"

I blinked up at him. I turned my gaze away from him, feeling embarrassed that he would bring it up now. He pulled my face back up towards him, but I couldn't look at him as I felt my face heat up.

"Well, Rose? I am waiting for an answer."

I closed my eyes, trying to form a response. I only really said it when we had sex together, so I don't know how to say it without being completely flustered.

"Y-yes, I... I did mean it."

"Mmm..." He hummed, leaning forward and placing his mouth by me ear, grasping onto one of my hands. "You should say it."

I swallowed, heart beginning to ache, hiding my head in his shoulder. "I..."

He chuckled. "How did you feel love so fast, my dear?"

I shook my head. "I don't know... You were just so charming, and... Kind, I think... I don't know, you were different to some I might have felt love for..."

"Well, if you do feel it, you should say it. Don't be afraid..."

"I... I..."

-Stefano's P.O.V.-

I had asked Rose to tell me how she felt about me. I held her tightly to me. She is my newest project, and I'm sure it would be so easy to use her like a simple object.

"Don't be afraid, my dear." I pressed my lips against her ear.

She stuttered again. There was fear coming off her in waves. She must have been thinking too much about something before I came to her, and she wasn't willing to tell me just yet. I had a hunch, given the hint she had said when I seduced her. It seems she has been unlucky in her partners. Perhaps I can be the proper example as her lover, as there cannot be anyone better, naturally.

My eye flickered up to the door I had entered a few moments before. A window on the door allowed me to see into the hallway partially. There was a man standing outside, staring in at us. I'm certain he can't see me looking at him due to the way my face is tucked against her.

I slid my free arm around her, keeping my left hand in her hair. She mimicked me, sliding her arms around my torso.

The man outside the door I had seen a few times around the arts building. Usually he was situated on the bench outside the gallery, like he was when I had first come in for my meeting. However, I seem to only see him when she is around. I never payed it too much mind, but now I can see it's not coincidence.

"I... I l-love you, Stefano..." she whispered.

"Good." I muttered in her ear. "I want you to remember that, to not forget that."

"I don't think I can..."

"I'm not saying you would ever be able to. I'm saying that I do not want you to forget it, love."

I felt her eyelashes flutter against my neck. I pressed my head against hers. Letting myself glance up, I could see that man still. He was scowling, pure rage encasing his face as he watched us. I did not care who he was, nor did I care what his connection to Rose was.

I was furious that he might be what holds her back from me. If I find that he is the one that has made my newest art piece so terrified of feeling anything, there is nothing on this world that will keep him safe.

"My dear, you don't need to worry." I whispered in her ear. "I will keep you safe. You are my art, so I shall protect you from the world."

She made a sound that resembled a whimper. I could almost feel her heart beginning to burst inside her chest, pounding against my own. She knew this was the closest I could give her that remotely resembled love, but for now it will have to do. Perhaps she was correct, our relationship had progressed far too quickly. But as she is my creation, one that still needs a lot of work until she is perfect, I will continue to help her make steps towards that goal.

She will be safe from this world. She will be safe from whoever is still beyond that door. And she will be safe from the harsh, cold reality that she has been faced with until now.

#Stefano Valentini #the evil within stefano #The Evil Within 2 #tew #tew2 #tew2 Stefano #Stefano #His Bloody Rose #Chapter 11 #Invitation #stefano valentini fanfiction

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parallaxdistance · 4 years

Text

How strange.

My OCD constantly invents new obsessions and compulsions I should perform, and while some of them are very small and I got rid of them every year, some obsessions and compulsions are the strongest, most prominent and worst, however silly they may seem. I had them since I was about 12 years old, so they are kind of like my old enemies who pretend that they love me.

First one is that when I’m listening to a certain artist, I can’t just listen to songs that I want. No, in the end I should listen at least one song from their latest release, or I’ll stuck in the past forever, and also I can’t listen to a certain artists and then take off my headphones. I should “close” all of this with some random song or those artists will get hurt and it’s all will be my fault.

(In general, when I was 12-15, listening to music was somewhat a ritual for me. I couldn’t listen to it at school or in a car - I always was at home, “opening” this ritual and “closing” it with random songs, spending about 1-2 hours continuously listening to my favorite songs and drawing/writing/doing something at the same time. My mind had told me that I wasn’t allowed to listen to them before or after this ritual. Thankfully, I almost got rid of it now)

Even numbers. My parents had always believed in signs and that’s why now I’m scared of even numbers - especially four, which means death. One or three candies. One or three songs. You said something twice? Say it the third time or you’ll die. All of the even numbers are bad and they bring disaster.

Fear of infection. And not just ordinary infection - I’m afraid to be infected...with my parents’ bigotry. My mind tells me that their bigotry is like dirt or a real virus, and if I’ll catch it, I’ll became their zombie. That’s why I constantly wash hands, try not to touch them or their things, after they walk out of my room I always ventilate it for 15 or 25 seconds straight, and I even couldn’t eat the food they prepared because of fear it was infected. Same with university - I always starve when I’m studying because “everything in the café is infected with their own bigotry”. Doing homework at home is hard, because I need to wash my hands after I’ll take the textbook and I shouldn touch nothing (especially my hair) while I’m studying. Because, guess what, my bag is infected too.

I don’t watch TV shows or movies, or watch them rarely, because my OCD tells me “it’s just a waste of time!”, but it doesn’t tell me what’s not a waste of time. It keeps silent when I, for example, listen to music or podcast and draw/read/color/scroll dash, but it just can’t shut up when I try to watch something.

I almost don’t use any coping mechanisms when I need them because of my deep self-hate (and because I’m sure that my memory is shitty and I can’t remember anything anyway. I don’t know why I’m so sure about it, but it’s a fact), but when I do, it’s usually the same things.

Re-reading Cat’s Café. It’s a very cute little comic and it always kind of makes me feel better because I know that Cat will never let me down, and every new chapter is just as nice as previous.

Re-watching Spongebob Squarepants. I don’t know why, but when I can’t do anything during my depressive episodes, I find great joy in watching this particular cartoon again and again. I think I’m a devoted Spongebob fan since childhood, because, again, he will never let me down. I love many different cartoons, don’t get me wrong, but for some reason it has a special place in my traumatised heart.

Re-listening to the one particular podcast episode.

Do you remember The Indoor Kids, a podcast where Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon discussed video games and many other stuff? I didn’t knew about its existence until I stumbled upon the episode with M. Shadows, where they talked about Hail to the King: Deathbat and some other things. Of course, I listened to it, because I’ll listen to everything that A7X are in, and now I listen to this episode every time I’m feeling down (because music never lets me down too), even though I can’t understand why. Maybe, it’s because Matt’s voice is so calming and it helps overcome my anxiety, or maybe it’s because he’s so passionate about video games and music that’s it’s always interesting to listen him talking about it, which distracts me from harsh reality.

Wow. Now that I wrote down my obsessions, compulsions and coping mechanisms I feel like a large weight has been pulled off my shoulders. Very strange.

#thoughts #vent #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #coping mechanisms #coping

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hjertetssunnegalskap1 · 5 years

Text

The Skamdom, the good parts and bad parts and what to do with it

I love Skam. The Skam fandom has been and still is, joy in so many ways. It’s amazing to meet other fans who love the show and love everything connected to it. The Skamdom has been more than a weird obsession, it has given me a feeling of family and friendship, too. I have learned a lot about myself and my own prejudices and about my identity and preferences. Skam has been an inspiration to create fanwork, I have gotten lots of positive feedback and it has helped me to have fun with creating stuff again.

However, I have discovered that there are some parts of the fandom that are quite toxic. Yeah, I know, water is wet, hah. I guess it’s well known that there are negative sides to all fandoms. I’m pretty new to fandom life, though, and I suppose it has taken time to get fully aware of how bad things can get. Skam has a positive underlying message, after all, and I have often thought that it “should be too good for hate like this.” Well, it isn’t. We all know it. It’s even possible that parts of Skam somehow ignite certain forms of toxic fandom processes, too, although I have no idea what that could be. Could it be that the show feels so real? That the characters are so young? That the show handles important issues? I really don’t know, but I would love to hear all the theories.

Anyway, I have noticed that even though people spreading hate usually are a small fraction of the fandom, they have the power to do significant damage. Hate drives people out of ships, and out of the fandom. Hate makes fanfic writers stop writing and artists stop making art. Fans are being frozen out or silenced because they have the wrong opinion.This is sad, and the worst part is, that it has happened more than once.

What makes a fandom toxic, then? Why does it happen in the first place? And what can we do about it? I have tried to read up on some ideas about it and mixed it with some of my own thoughts about group processes. I won’t pretend to know anything about fandom life previous to Skam or on earlier fandom sites, but I would like to say something about the things I do know of. The reason I write this is purely selfish, by the way. I need to understand this. The Skam fandom is constantly evolving (as it probably should) and I need to keep my own fandom experience good, and to do that, I need to get what this negativity is all about, and how to deal with it.

So, what is it about?

First of all, I should mention that I’m kinda hesitant about talking about good vs. bad fandom behaviour. Life isn’t black or white like that and I don’t like to describe processes as if they were. However, there are fandom actions that are bad, and toxic, and I think it can be useful to talk about it in the open. Just remember that I’m not trying to call out anyone here. I think we’re all more or less guilty of negative fandom behaviour.

When I start to talk about what is toxic in a fandom, I suppose it can be smart to start with what it isn’t. Well, obviously, sharing your love for something isn’t. Also, I think that fans disagreeing and discussing stuff isn’t toxic. Making arguments for what you think is a good thing, just as expressing how you feel about something, or critiquing something constructively. Open discussions keep the fandom alive. Talking is good!!!

Attacking others with threats or extreme actions, however, not so much. Here are some examples of what I think are toxic sides of the fandom:

Possessiveness: some fans feel like they own the content they're fans of, that it belongs to them, and only to them. Fans are stalking the actors, for instance, and trying to control them. Sending hate and threats to Henrik’s girlfriend, is a good example. Or spreading hate about Tarjei when he withdrew from some fans and sat boundaries for them. Ulrikke has experienced a lot of hate because she doesn’t follow the wishes of some fans, as well.

What if the actors or creators do some really shitty things? What if they express prejudices or ignorance or maybe they do something they shouldn’t do? Well, it’s not possessive to point out that the creators or actors do shitty things. It’s possessive to try to control them.

I suppose a lot of fans can feel a hint of possessiveness at times. Like, when someone expresses “I almost don’t want this fandom to grow bigger, I want it to stay our small precious treasure”. It doesn’t have to be harmful, only if the fans exclude others or act in a harmful way because of it.

Entitlement: some fans think that the creators must do what they want. For example, the fans may demand a particular romantic pairing or 'ship' to happen in a show, and be furious enough to send death threats to the authors if this doesn't happen.

Everyone can get disappointed in things happening, of course, and expressing that is okay. But there’s a difference between expressing disappointment and spreading hate.

Feeling superior: some fans feel superior to more casual fans, and shout loudly about it. Or they feel better than other fractions of the fandom. Some fans might not feel superior, but maybe special. They have their self-concept shaped by the fact that their fandom makes them an outcast. Maybe they even feel bullied. But in some cases, they are the ones who hate on others for things they like. This can often end in fan wars (”this remake is better than that”).

I think a feeling of “others don’t get this show like we do” is familiar to many in the fandom and in many different groupings. I can’t say that I have felt superior in any way, but

I have at least once expressed my opinions on characterization in a way that other fans found offensive.

Us and them: This toxic culture of possessiveness, entitlement and feeling superior develops in so-called “internet echo chambers”, spaces where dissenting opinions are not tolerated. This means the group has a conformist mentality and everything is about “us” and “them”.

Outsiders are usually rudely educated or just simply banned. This conflict creates a sense of self and community that is tied to the in-group, the 'safe haven' of the fan community. Online, these groups pat each other on the back for liking the right version of the show, or the right ship or whatever, and not only that, but having the group's particular opinions on it, and for participating in conventions, contributing art and fan fiction, and so on.

Losing their identity: When people are part of a group, they often experience a loss of self-awareness. They are less likely to follow normal restraints and inhibitions and more likely to lose their sense of individual identity. Groups can generate a sense of emotional excitement, which can lead to behaviours that a person would not typically engage in if alone.

I think a lot of fans can recognize this feeling of getting swept away with some amazing ideas in a group. When it leads to spreading hate, it becomes toxic.

Addiction: People also get addicted to the attention and validation these online niches can give them, especially if the outside world is less friendly. That leads them to extreme in-group loyalty and extreme out-group hatred. They can get so caught up in their fandom that they stop caring about people outside of it.

And yeah, uhm. I can actually recognize the addictive part of fandom life. I need to check Tumblr and AO3 every day, for instance, as well as check in on fandom friends. I live for every kudos or like I get on the things I make. I know, addiction is maybe not toxic for others than yourself, but I still wanted to add it. Addiction can also lead to toxic behaviour towards others in the fandom.

So... What to do, then?

It’s not easy to handle these things. One problem is that attempting to confront toxic fandom processes results in the groups withdrawing into their echo chambers and feeling superior. I have tried once or twice to answer hate like that with reasoning but often it’s mostly to sort my own thoughts on the subject (I think better in writing). I have rarely experienced to get through to anyone.

Sometimes, or pretty often, ignoring toxic behaviour might be best. Confrontation may just result in circular arguments, after all. If you ignore the behaviour, you're not giving it attention. Also, you can let them think what they want to think. You can block, delete, or ignore negative people or behaviour on most social media networks. I have filtered and blacklisted words on Tumblr and it has helped a lot. That’s maybe one of my best tips. Scroll past stuff that isn’t for you. Remember the phrase “don’t like, don’t read.” Make the content that you’re passionate about. Talk about the things you love. Share your opinions. Focus on the stuff that makes you happy. That’s my goal, anyway.

When should you confront someone, then? My opinion is that it can be okay to confront if they're going beyond simply having an opinion, into the world of threats, harassment, and stalking. When the stuff being said can be hurtful or discriminating, too. Then it’s right to both confront and report, really.

Is this fandom stuff worth all this hassle?

I hope this long rant doesn’t bring you down too much. Despite all of this negativity, I believe fandom is a very positive thing. Most fans just want to enjoy the things they love with others who love the same things. That’s my main goal, too. Skam has been important to me and I want it to continue to be that. I want to keep the fandom as a space to share my love for the show. Thinking through these processes has helped me see a little more clearly how to do that.

Ultimately, the Skam fandom is what we make of it, and we all can make it better. We can talk and share opinions and remind each other that we don’t support harassment, especially over ships or different versions of Skam. We can be decent to each other. I am not saying “be kind, always”, because in my opinion that phrase was never meant to stand alone without “being an asshole isn’t something you become, it’s a choice”.

But yeah, that’s another discussion. My point is, if we all work together, we can manage to have a fandom that is open and tolerant and spreading love instead of fear and hate. And if that’s a little too optimistic, I’m gonna filter and blacklist and stick to “don’t like, don’t read” and see if it helps.

#skam #fandom #fandom processes #skamdom processes #toxic fandom #good fandom

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heliantyr · 5 years

Text

ALRIGHT!

Time for questions! I’m going to put 1-9 here plain and simple, and then the rest will be under the break just so that you don’t have to scroll to oblivion if you don’t want to see this! Let’s go!

1: Name

My name is Jude, or Coreta if you wanna use my pen name! A few of you might also know me as Virchude since that’s my main blog!

2: Age

I won’t tell you plainly, but I am still in high school.

3: City that you live in

I’m just gonna tell you which state! I live in the lower peninsula of Michigan!

4: What do most people not know about you?

I’m almost certain that none of you know this, but I am the youngest of my dad’s (kinda) six kids.

5: What do most people know you for?

If we’re talking just here, I hope to all get out it’s my headcanons, but in real life it’s the fact that I get offended rather easily...

6: Hobbies!

I do a lot of pointless writing (meaning I never finish anything)... I also draw a lot of random junk, I rad a shit ton of fanfiction, I sing/write songs a lot... uuhh and do nothing.

7: What are your passions?

I have a very large passion for helping those around me who have suffered like I have mentally and emotionally. I also really like debating (more like arguing) with people about politics!

8: When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?

Just yesterday my mom, older sister, and I ended up accidentally sitting down in the living room and ranting about how shitty out lives are... so.......... yeah

9: have you collected anything? What is it?

I have a small hat collection (that I hardly ever wear), and I’m beginning a plant collection! There is also a ever fluctuating collection of cups and bottles in my room T-T

10: List ten things off your bucket list (I may not remember half of these TvT)

*Take a trip back to Colorado with my friends

*Start a business

*Travel to at least 8 countries

*Go to Andorra

*Be known for some great feat

*Have one of my works (whether art or writing, etc) become famous or greatly known

*Meet one of my favorite actors/band members (doesn’t matter who)

*Learn to swim...............

*Make drastic strides towards saving the planet

*Meet more people from my dad’s side of the family

11: What was the last thing you learned?

Seeing as I got out of world history an hour and a half ago, we learned about the Cold War and how the USSR fell apart because of silly putty

12: How many relationships have you been in?

Counting the ones that didn’t mean shit, 4. Only counting the ones that actually meant something, 2.

13 + 14 I am not answering.

15: Favorite food

Menudo. Fuckin love it

16: Favorite drink

hm... either tea or ginger ale, but out of a shot glass TvT A TWO LETER OUT OF A SHOT GLASS

17: What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?

I went to NYC over my birthday weekend this year with my school’s choir, and our tour leader on my bus got me a pastry in Little Italy! It meant so much because I didn’t even know her!

18: Are you optimistic or pessimistic?

I’m usually pessimistic unless my friends are also being pessimistic, cuz then I’m frigin sunshine and rainbows!

19: Do you sleep during class?

Not very often, and only if what I’m doing isn’t actually important.

20: What is the most expensive thing you own?

If not my actual bed, my laptop, which is $200.

21: What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?

..... I... Don’t know... uh I got a huge fukin thing of cocoa butter lotion at the dollar tree... and it’s kind of multi use?!?

22: How many time a day on average to you check your phone?

.........don’t look at me like that.

23: Text or call?

Text. I wanna call people, but what if they don’t pick up? Or it’s really awkward? or I can’t hear them? or vise versa? or-

24: Opinion on long distance?

Sounds like torture. I honestly couldn’t do it.

25: What is your definition of success?

Feeling satisfied or content with what you’ve done.

26: Favorite song?

um. At the moment, Killer Queen by Queen.

27: Favorite artist?

Music wise, Patrick Stump. Art wise, Van Gogh.

28: Celebrity crush/crushes?

That’s a long list. But my main two recently have been Sebastian Stan and Tom Holland...

29: When was the last time you read for fun?

Aside from fanfiction? Last Wednesday night I stayed up reading Shakespeare’s sonnets to myself...

30: Favorite flower?

chrysanthemums!

31: What is the best gift you could receive right now?

A confidence boost that lasted at least the rest of high school...

32: Any guilty pleasures?

Day dreaming about random shit.... random weird shit about people I know...

33: What is one thing you’d like to change about yourself?

Hm... I think I’d change my mental health. I just wanna be perfectly okay for once.

34: What do you search for in a friend?

being able to understand me, relate to me, and be weird with me. Also mutual interests. And reasonable barriers.

35: How many times have I said “I love you” in the past month?

You expect me you count???? A shit ton! Do you know how many times a day I have a family member leave the goddamn house????

36: Where dd you last go other than your room/home?

School.

37: Why do good things happen to good people?

Because that’s not how life works. Our society constantly has people suffering, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.

38: In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out, or being stabbed in the eye?

Seeing as I’m just about used to the pain of being left out, I’d say being stabbed in the eye. I am such a wuss T-T

39: How many green shirts do you own?

1. It’s a St. Patty’s day shirt.

40: Do you like anime?

noooooooooooo.......... not at allllll.... TvT I’m tired!

41: What do you invest the most time in?

Either videogames or fanfiction.

42: What is the name of the last book you read?

The Hobbit (even though I haven’t finished yet)

43: What’s the difference between loving and liking someone?

No clue... Still trying to figure that out.

44: Where are you most productive?

My art classroom

45: List three things you enjoy doing with friends:

*Complaining about life

*being gay

*Pretend to kidnap one of them my dragging them around the floor during lunch

46: List three things you like to do alone:

*Listen to music

*Think

*Read

47: Do you think that world peace will ever exist?

As long as there are living things on it? Never.

48: Do you have any allergies?

Absolutely none! I knew this kid in the third grade who was allergic to nuts, milk, AND gluten!

49: When was the last time you cussed at someone?

My friend and I got into an argument about who the best actors are during english....

50: What was the last promise you made?

.......Is it bad that I don’t remember?

51: What was your last dream about?

I had a hedgehog (which I really frikin want), and I was taking care of them, and hen this asshole in my grade was in my living room and I had to be nice to him.

52: If you won a trip to Hawaii and could take 5 people with you, who would they be?

*My best friend Kiara

*My friend Raph

*My other friend Molly

*My other other friend Faith

*My dog

53: How many countries have you visited?

1, if you count the fact that I live in one!

54: What is your favorite medium of art?

Music. It moves me so easily.

55: When was the last time someone complimented you?

My friend Laura jokingly complimented my hair during english (we were looking at old english compliments) and she winked at me TyT

56: If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?

uh... hol up, wha?

57: Do you consider yourself mature?

At times, yes.

58: How many days in your life do you think you’ve wasted on tumblr?

so frigin many, but there’s more to come!!!!

59: What is your favorite quote?

“I was so good at sports when I was in high school, that I started a band.”

-Patrick Stump

60: If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?

*Be kind to all (see how that’s turned out???)

*Spend life learning. Try to find the lesson in your experiences.

*Mental growth is more important than anything

61: What is your greatest accomplishment?

Being alive today.

62: Do you believe in the death penalty?

No, not really.

63: What are your goals in life?

To be a better person than my mother is, and to help others on a mental level.

64: What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?

I honestly have no clue... maybe something weird?

65: If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.

I would have to go with.......... oo that’s hard................... the bnha universe T-T I want powers!

66: What were you like in 2013?

I was an awkward, abusive, shitty little child.

67: Do you have a job?

Nope! I’m planning on possibly finding a part-time one soon, though!

68: Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.

His name was Parker, and he was a year older than me. He was my first friend other than my older sister, and I loved him so much. I don’t remember much, seeing as the last time I saw him I was five... It was early fall, just when the leaves start to fall. We had one of those trees in my front year that dropped the seed thingies that twirled around. Parker and I would always toss so many of those in the air until out hands got cold... I really miss him.

69: If you could change one thing in society, what would it be?

I would get rid of corrupt governments and people in positions of power.

70: How many all-nighters have you pulled before?

Never have I pulled one for school, but I find myself staying up til the crack of dawn the day before school starts, usually. Or on nights when I can’t but help contemplate everything to the point of not being able to sleep at all.

71: Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is it?

Tumblr is one of my favorites, but Ao3 has my ass.

72: What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?

Nothing. I tend to be very hard to bribe. But if I reaaallly needed the money, I wouldn’t be able to kill someone, I’ll tell you that.

73: Does money equal happiness?

It can for some people, but not for all.

74: How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?

I don’t know, a few? I’m never truly happy until my thoughts leave me alone.

75: How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?

More than happy, I can tell you that.

76: What’s the funniest joke you have ever been told?

My generation is going to save the planet.

77: When was the last time you looked at the news?

We actually watched a news clip during history today!

78: If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?

Stop being a dick!

79: What is your favorite animal?

A hedgehog!!

80: If you could earn a million dollars for pretending to be dead for three years, would you do it?

NO! I have people who would miss my sorry ass, then murder me for coming back!

81: What is one thing everyone is bad at?

Having a lot of friends. A lot of the time (in my personal experience), the more friends you have, the less time you can spend with them, and the less close you are, until eventually you can’t keep dividing your time!

82: What time do you normally sleep? How many hours do you usually get?

uuuhh... yes, and not enough!

83: Does age necessarily equal maturity?

No, but that does not excuse digusting things like p*****ilia.

84: What is your favorite clothing store?

....The Hot Topical.

85: In the winter- beanies or gloves?

why not both?!?!?!?

86: Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?

Wings. I can’t swim, and I panic underwater.

87: If you had the power to erase someone from the world so that nobody remembered them but you, would you do it?

That depends, does it fuck up history? Cuz in that case, no!

88: What do you fear the most?

Being abandoned by everyone.

89: How many digits of pi can you recite?

3...

90: If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, what year would it be?

2015, so I could leave a better version of my for my friends that I leave at the end of the year,

91: Describe yourself in one word.

Invasive

92: Describe your last victory.

I had a conversation with that asshole from my dream without arguing with him.

93: What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?

SO! This one time towards the end of the school day in the seventh grade. This one kid (let’s call him V) was sitting next to his friend (C). I look over as I go to shoulder my bag, and V is running his hand down C’s thigh. V catches me looking, and goes “WHAT?! he did it first!” like that made it better! (and it kinda did because that’s still one of my best stories!)

94: What is something you will never forget?

Something traumatic

95: Would you rather forget all of the past, or remember everything in vivid detail?

Vivid detail. Then maybe I could win arguments with my sister!

96: Have you ever broken a bone before?

yeah... I fractured the growth plate in my foot in the sixth grade... by walking.....

97: Is it harder love someone, or hate someone?

love is so hard....

98: Coffee or tea?

I drink both, but tea ftw!

99: What are some little things you do that have changed your life in a positive way?

I have become more friendly with my dog, and he actually likes me now!

100: How many hours do spend on tumblr a day?

quite a fukin few....

#asks #long post #bnhahc #get to know me #get to know jude #not headcanons

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besotacito · 6 years

Text

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Group: ToppDogg / XENO-T

Pairing: broken!XeSol (Xero/Hansol/Minsung)

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Angst, AU, romance

Trigger warnings: non-explicit mention of depression/suicide attempts.

Word count: 2,133

Note: This is the first time I make an attempt at writing a fanfic in English. I originally wrote it in Spanish so most of it is actually just translated, but there are some parts I edited and adapted so it’d sound a bit better? in English, I guess. Please do notify me of inconsistencies or grammar mistakes.

As for the fanfic itself, please note that it is only fiction even if it mirrors some things that happened in reality. I hope it doesn’t offend anyone in any way. I wrote this because I’m an emo lil shit who needed to make herself suffer with a made-up angsty scenario that helps her assimilate that she’s never getting more XeSol moments ever again, probably. So that’s it. I can’t promise you’ll enjoy reading it because I cried writing it, so.

Yeah so how are you these days?

I’m still the same, can’t sleep

Your short hair looked so pretty

But I didn’t press like

‘Cause it just seems a bit ridiculous

His fingers scroll down his white smartphone screen. His room is pitch dark and he has been looking at his phone like this for a while, which is not good at all for his eyes. Or his heart. His mind is going back to a million memories of past years and his heart starts clenching little by little. Judging from his Instagram profile, in the end he followed his alternative path, the ‘B plan’ that he remembers having heard about back in their trainee days.

“I think I’ll just be a choreographer if this idol thing doesn’t work out,” he had said jokingly, although he looked like, deep inside, he meant it.

“Don’t say that. We’ll make it work. We’ll do fine, you’ll see. The name ‘ToppDogg’ by itself already feels successful,” he replied back, ruffling the other boy’s hair.

He was not surprised at all by the quality of his choreographies. Hansol- no, Minsung, Jiho reminded himself, was gifted when it came to dancing and not only that, but he was also an innate performer who knew how to combine both dancing and aesthetic features in a unique artistic way. Even so, he had to reckon the boy had improved a hell of a lot. His dancing style was very far from that of the boy who practiced dancing with him in the academy over 7 years ago.

He accidentally clicked on one of his most recent pictures, but he didn’t press the back button. He stared at it. His face looked radiant in spite of not having a smile on it. He looked fine—stable, calm, perhaps even happy. Jiho hoped it was like that. He hoped that he was at least as happy as he had always wanted and deserved. At least it was noticeable that was not the same sad Hansol- no, Minsung, that he had seen for the last time. It was a relief. He wasn’t the same person. He didn’t even look like the one in the old memories of Jiho, if he took a moment to carefully analyse the pictures. Truth be told, Jiho felt like he didn’t know who that boy in the pictures was. They had lived together for many years and shared countless experiences, but he didn’t know that person. Minsung? Jiho had no idea who that was; where he came from. He could barely remember Hansol and he wasn’t sure Hansol remembered him.

The last time they met… Jiho would’ve never imagined it would be the last time and that everything would go downhill from there. Hansol- no, Minsung, dammit, sent him a text on KakaoTalk asking to hang out in a café, just to get some distraction. Back then, it had been long since they had had a schedule as ToppDogg. The promotions for their last album had finished months ago and they weren’t working on new songs or performances or anything of the sort. Everyone were kind of worried about how things were going. Everyone, but especially Hansol. Minsung.

“Hey, sorry I’m kind of l-”

Jiho remembers coming up to the boy to greet him, but as soon as he came a little bit closer he could see the tears streaming desperately down his face. He couldn’t even finish his sentence before he had wrapped his arms around the other’s small frame. Hansol was trembling. Minsung. No, back then he was Hansol.

“Aren’t you tired?” Hansol asked out of the blue after being quiet for some minutes, just barely sipping on his coffee while trying to calm himself down and stop sobbing.

“Mm? Tired… of what? I’d say I’ve had lots of time to get some rest,” he replied jokingly, pretending he didn’t know what Hansol meant.

“That’s the problem, you see. I’m tired of this. Of trying again and again and failing. I’m tired of everything.”

“Hey, don’t think like that. We gotta stay positive. Maybe things aren’t going the way we’d like them to, but we still have our fans and our company—”

“Don’t be silly, Jiho,” he cut him off. “Do you think our fans are gonna wait forever? That they’ll stay by a failed group? Our company’s trying hard for any other artist that’s not us.”

“Hansol,” he called out, covering the boy’s hand with his own on the table, “we knew it wouldn’t be easy, but we can’t lose hope. I trust us and what we can achieve together.”

Hansol looked like he was actually contemplating what Jiho had said, but replied:

“Your optimism is stupid, Jiho.” And retreated his hand to take a hold of his coffee.

After that, they fell silent for a long time. Jiho fidgeted with his fingers over the table. This conversation was making him feel uneasy and awkward; he didn’t know what to say. But more than anything, he was worried about Hansol.

“Has it gotten worse, lately? Have you been feeling worse?” he asked softly, only for Hansol to hear.

“…I just wanna escape from this hell,” he muttered back, not looking at his eyes.

Jiho didn’t know what to say, as per usual, so he chose to stay quiet. Neither of them said anything else for some minutes. Jiho couldn’t even look at Hansol in the face because he felt horrible for not being able of offering more comfort than his stupid optimism. That’s why he flinched a little when he felt Hansol’s hand back on his, caressing his fingers. Jiho didn’t stop him, because he liked the sensation. Because he missed him. Because deep inside, Jiho knew he had committed a mistake that he would always regret, even if he had done it thinking it was the best option for them back then.

“Hansol-”

“I’m gonna miss you.”

Their voices overlapped.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m leaving to China for a few months. To study dancing.”

“What?”

Jiho retreated his hand and straightened up in his seat, almost in shock.

“But… what about the group? Does the company know about this? Did they approve of this?”

There was this look in Hansol’s eyes while he mustered up the courage to finally say:

“…Jiho, I’m leaving ToppDogg.”

In that moment, it felt as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him. He couldn’t react. It took him a few moments to grasp what was happening. Leaving to China to study dancing? Leaving the group? Had he lost his mind?

“Do you realise you’re sabotaging the group and being selfish?” was the first thing he managed to say, not really thinking about what he was saying.

“Excuse me? I am sabotaging the group?” Hansol raised his tone a bit. “May I remind you, it was Hyunho and Dongsung who left us first. Hyosang and Taeyang left us too.”

Jiho bit his lip. He knew Hansol was right, but right now his heart was in pain from just imagining Hansol leaving the group and going to another country for who knows how long.

“There is nothing we can do about this anymore, don’t you realise that? What do you want me to stay here for? To see how life passes me by and nothing gets better no matter how hard I try?”

“…You could stay with me.”

Everything became quiet for a few moments that seemed to last for way longer while both of them stared into each other’s eyes. Jiho could see the tears welling up in Hansol’s eyes while he bit his lips and shook his head.

“Please, don’t do this to me…” he muttered in a thin voice.

“If you leave the group, then I will too. We can start all over, together. No fearing and no hiding this time, we won’t have to-”

“Jiho, don’t,” Hansol cut him off softly, getting a bit closer and holding his hands on the table. “That’s not what you want. Besides, it was you who took the decision years ago. There’s no going back now.”

Hansol’s voice sounded so gentle and composed in spite of the tears in his eyes that it was hard to believe what he was saying was hurting Jiho as if a million knives were stabbing his body.

“Why’d you ask me to come, then? If it was going to be like this, you could’ve as well just texted me goodbye.”

You shouldn’t have given me hopes that I was still in time of holding onto you, is what he wanted to say. But didn’t.

“I just wanted to see you for one last time…”

Back then, Jiho couldn’t control the burst of emotions he felt. His sadness mingled with the anger he felt towards himself for having been an idiot and also with the frustration of being so helpless—Hansol was slipping right through his fingers and out of his life, and he couldn’t do anything to stop him.

“That’s it, then. You can leave now. Leave and don’t think of coming back. I hope you know you’re being an asshole.”

He raised his voice more than he should have. His word choice was more aggressive than it should have. Unlike his usually composed self, this time he finally burst. His emotions burst in the worse way possible. They ended up yelling ugly things at each other; hard feelings that had been building up inside them for a long time. Jiho smashed his fist on the table before leaving behind an upset and sobbing Hansol. He shouldn’t have done that. He still feels ashamed of his shitty and immature reaction and regrets everything he did and said that day. Hansol didn’t deserve that.

Somehow, he reached the end of his Instagram pictures. They weren’t many. He remembered the boy had a habit of deleting them. He also noticed he kept only a few pictures of his last days in China and seeing him in those pictures makes his heart clench in fear again. In fear of knowing that he was close to losing him for real, forever. Those had been the worst days Jiho has even been through in his whole life and he hopes he won’t have to ever go through something like that again. At least the latest pictures make him feel a bit more reassured, for it seems that old Hansol he knew doesn’t torment Minsung like he used to do. He looks cared for and surrounded by people. Jiho can only hope for him to never be lonely and for all of those people to be with Minsung when he cannot.

A few pictures above the last ones from China is one from their debut. That one was uploaded when his departure from the group was made official. Jiho didn’t come out of his room for a whole week. In the picture, Hansol thanks everyone. Jiho clenches his fist. He should’ve thanked him the last time he saw him. He should’ve thanked him for helping him make it into ToppDogg. He should’ve thanked him for all of the good moments they shared together. He should’ve thanked him for loving him in spite of the big asshole Jiho could be at times and which he was until their last meeting. He should’ve thanked him for existing—he should’ve wished him success. Had he done that, who knows; maybe Hansol wouldn’t have been on the edge of an abyss. Had he done that, maybe he would find his username when he types it into the list of people Minsung follows.

Jiho decides to call it a night, but then he sees there is a picture of Hyosang on Minsung’s account and he clicks it almost immediately. Oh, he wished him a happy birthday. To the one who abandoned them—but didn’t break his heart or curse him out for trying to pursue his dreams—; he wished a happy birthday to him. Then he finally clicks the ‘back’ button, which closes Instagram and, instead and unknowingly, shows him the time and date: 5:24 a.m., February 3rd.

As he tries to fall asleep, he fails to fight back the tears that wet his pillow while he cannot brush off the memories of Hansol coming into his room with a big smile on his face and holding a big cake with tons of colourful candles on his hands just when the clock struck twelve o’clock. He won’t see that Hansol anymore. If he could turn back time and take seriously the three wishes Hansol insisted for him to make year after year before blowing out the candles, he would use one to wish ToppDogg to be successful and two to wish for Hansol to never leave his side.

#xesol #broken!xesol #xero #shin jiho #hansol #kim hansol #minsung #kim minsung #toppdogg #topp dogg #xenot #xeno-t #xeno_t #fanfic #fanfiction #angst #au #romance

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