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juyeonszn · 8 months

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BAD IDEA RIGHT?

PAIRING lee juyeon x f!reader

WORD COUNT 4.10k

GENRES … smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, literally porn with plot. like i’m so insane, enemies to “we fuckin” as reese put it 🥰, frat boy tbz again!!!, juyo is literally so irritating in the first half im not even gonna lie, he’s also a manwhore, making out, reader is a bit of a brat, juyeon has a dirty mouth, kinda dom!juyeon, vaginal fingering, oral (m! receiving), SHOWER SEX !12!1!, he’s hitting it from the back btw, unprotected sex, creampie, juyeon is actually… i don’t even know how to describe him writing his character made me want to claw at the walls lol

SUMMARY deep down you’re fully aware that you’re probably making a huge mistake by giving into juyeon just like every other girl on campus ever has. but paired with how intoxicating his mouth feels on your own and the steam filled bathroom clouding your head, you can’t seem to find a logical reason to stop.

MORE heheheh im back 🤭 oh my god this was actually the cause of a week full of sleepless nights. i genuinely drove myself crazy writing this bc NEED FRRRR like idk i’m so 😭 delusional. ANYWAYS. ANON. THIS ONE IS FOR U. U REQUESTED THIS AND I RAN WITH IT. u wanted more juyeon, i deliver more juyeon ;) also shout out to ally, moni, AND reese for beta’ing 🥺 i love u my cupcakes!! prompt used: 18 <3

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble

If there was anyone on Earth that you hated more than anything, it had to be Lee Juyeon.

To put things plainly, he was quite literally the bane of your existence. Being around him made your blood pressure skyrocket and gave you migraines that lasted for days. It was insane how one person could affect you so much by doing so little. It seemed as if he thrived off of getting under your skin.

Considering he was the captain and the pitcher of the baseball team, it wasn’t shocking. He was also a member of one of the most popular fraternities on campus. But he happened to be roommates with one of your best friends, and that made it ten times worse.

You’d known Changmin since third grade, along with Kevin and Chanhee. When he mentioned he’d be joining a fraternity in college, you were a bit apprehensive. All you knew about them was what you’d read in YA books and seen in movies. Neither gave them a good rep. Part of you wanted to talk him out of it, but you knew this was something you had to let him do, given you were adults and it was his college experience. At least you still had the other two under one roof.

The first time you met Juyeon was also the first time you attended a frat party. Changmin had just passed his initiation after waiting a year and he invited all of you to celebrate. You were excited for the most part since high school parties were more for an adrenaline rush due to the fact that your parents never let you go to them and you either snuck out or lied about going. You didn’t have to worry about the limitations of parents this go around.

The boys disappeared almost immediately upon arrival, leaving you to fend for yourself in the very crowded fraternity house. You could hardly pass through a room without bumping into somebody’s shoulder or elbow, huffing as you maneuver around the house equivalent to a sardine can. Your drink nearly spilled onto your top multiple times and you were glad you decided against the heels for the night.

You chugged the rest of the jungle juice in your cup as you stepped onto the patio, where it’s just as noisy and just as packed. You’re lucky enough to find an empty lounge chair near the house’s pool, unoccupied and calling your name. When your legs touch the plastic chair, you flinch at how hot it is, most likely from being in the sun all day.

“Woah, do you want a cushion?”

You look up at the source of the voice. You’ve seen him around campus before, and even at Changmin’s games. Lee Juyeon was just one of those people that you had to know, unless you’d been living under a rock. Just like everyone else in the world, you couldn’t deny how attractive he was. From this distance, you truly understood why girls would giggle like high schoolers over the guy.

“Uh, sure. Yeah, that would be great actually.” You nod, watching as he wanders towards the shed in the corner of the big ass backyard. He returns promptly, holding his red solo cup between his teeth and one hand on your lower back guiding you to a standing position so he could place down the cushion.

“As a thank you, can I get your name?” He gives you a cocky little smile that should’ve been a warning. And looking back on it, you should’ve seen his true personality sooner, to be completely honest. The way his lips curled at the corners, like a conniving bastard who got off on irritating others.

“It’s Y/N,” you say, messing with your empty cup. “I’d ask for yours, but I kinda already know.”

He laughs at that, scratching the back of his neck. “That’s not surprising.” It’s at this point that you’re starting to see through his sweet facade, but despite knowing better— despite always keeping your guard up— you let yourself fall for it just this once. All because you didn’t want to fuck things up for Changmin. He owed you big time.

“Well, you are a talented athlete.” You didn’t want to fuel what is probably already a massive ego, but you’d rather compliment his baseball skills than the fact that he was infamous for screwing around with half of the girls on campus. Technically, that was a feat of its own since he’d only been in school for a year.

“Oh, so you think I’m talented?” He rested a hand on your chair, leaning down to your level. Confidence oozed from every corner of his being and if you weren’t so self aware, perhaps you could’ve ended up like all those other victims of his charismatic behavior.

“I go to the games for Changmin,” you scoff, glancing away from his face to stop the heat rising up your neck. “I’ve only paid attention to you once or twice.”

“Yeah, sure. Let's go with that,” he bites his lip, blatantly checking you out. “I wouldn’t mind paying attention to you a little.”

“I’m unimpressed, Juyeon,” you snort, raising an eyebrow at him. “Does this shit really work on everyone?”

“I can drop the act if you want, baby. Just let me know when you’re ready to stop playing hard to get.” He stands upright, running a hand through his hair.

Every time you ran into Lee Juyeon after that, he was more and more insufferable. He knew his influence on you, too, if his smug fucking grin was anything to go by. You wish you could just slap it off of him. However, you stood by being the bigger person in any given situation, so that was off the table. (And half of you still felt a moral obligation to not get your friend into hot water.)

“Would it kill you to play nice every once in a while? I do live with the dude, you know.” Changmin whines, trailing you in the supermarket like a lost puppy.

“He’s got a point, N/N,” Kevin adds, humming as he tosses a boxed dinner into the cart. “I get that he’s a little bit of an overconfident douche, but rolling your eyes at him when he hasn’t even done anything just makes it worse on you. And JiChang, too, I guess.”

“Bro…”

You weren’t even sure why he decided to tag along with you and the other boys when you mentioned grocery shopping. In fact, he might as well have stayed his ass home if he was just going to gang up on you the whole time. Chanhee sighs dramatically, bringing your shopping cart to a halt.

“Can we not have a peaceful grocery trip? Is that impossible or something?” His lips form a thin line. “I swear, all we do is talk about how much Y/N hates Lee Juyeon. Can we please move on?”

“Thank you, Chanhee, I agree,” you nod along, walking backwards as you do so and ignoring the faces your friends make. “He makes me want to kill myself.”

“Who makes you want to kill yourself?”

You jump up, frightened by the sudden voice in your ear. Your friends all give you sheepish smiles, as if they’d already tried to warn you. (What shitty jobs they did.) With a hand over your heart, you turn around to meet— speak of the devil— none other than Lee Juyeon himself.

“What are you doing here?” Your eyes narrow and your arms cross over your chest. Luck could never be on your side when it came to this guy.

“Uh, last I checked, this was a public supermarket. Where I can publicly shop. I wasn’t aware that I had to run that by you. So sorry, sweetheart.” He pouts, his expression so theatrical you nearly give in to your constant urge to punch him in the face.

You feel your eye twitch, and it takes everything in you to step back and assess just how bad it would be if you committed murder right now. Changmin comes to your rescue, doing damage control as best as he can while Kevin attempts to talk you out of becoming a criminal.

The two frat brothers do their little fraternity handshake thing and then finally he’s out of sight, out of mind, allowing you to visibly relax. Chanhee purses his lips. “Okay, so maybe I do see where the anger comes from. And holy shit, Y/N, you have the patience of a saint.”

“The person you have called is unavailable! At the tone, please leave a message. When you have finished recording, you may—”

“Goddammit.” You curse, ending the unsuccessful call.

The downside of working far from campus, was working far from campus. You didn’t have your own car and usually relied on one of your roommates for a ride to and from. But now here you are, stranded at work while it’s pouring cats and dogs outside. Kevin was in class and Chanhee wasn’t picking up his phone. You could call Changmin, but you’re pretty sure he also had a class around this time.

Just as you’re about to succumb to your demise, you receive a text from Chanhee.

[2:57 pm] michael jackson: IM SO SORRY AJNSSJNW BUT SOMETHING CAME UP WITH A GROUP PROJECT

[2:57 pm] michael jackson: DONT WORRY THOUGH, IVE GOT IT COVERED UR STILL GETTING PICKED UP

“Could today get any worse?” You mutter to yourself, locking your phone and tossing it into your purse. As if your timing couldn’t be better, you spoke entirely too soon. Your eyes squint at the unfamiliar car rolling up under the carport. Your brows furrowed in confusion, because you had no idea who could be your saving grace. Chanhee was a wild card so who knew who he had on speed dial.

But then the passenger window rolls down and you wish the ground would just swallow you whole. Lee Juyeon grins that stupid fucking grin of his, beckoning you to his car as it unlocks when he shifts into park. You shake your head.

“No way. There is absolutely no way I am getting into that car.” You shout over the pelting rain.

Juyeon tsks, his eyes rolling when he reaches over the center console to open the door for you. “Is there anyone else who would drop everything they’re doing to pick you up in this weather?”

Your lips pull into a flat line. The answer was no, you didn’t have anyone else who would drop everything they were doing to pick you up in this weather. That was the reason Juyeon was here, you supposed. It didn’t mean you weren’t at least going down without a fight, though. Except, Lee Juyeon was a man who was all too comfortable with how expressive you were. Most notably towards him.

“What? Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?”

“Fuck you. I’d rather walk.” You seethe, starting straight in the direction of your apartment. Juyeon groans at first, your constant need to prove yourself getting on his nerves for once. Then his eyes widen slightly when he realizes you’re not joking.

The truth was that the rain was freezing and you’d love to be in the shelter of a warm car. In fact, you didn’t really care that Juyeon was the person driving. But you were too deep into the bit now. You couldn’t just turn around and get in the car, for you had a pride to protect at this point.

“Shit.” Juyeon swears under his breath, reaching into the backseat to grab an umbrella. Sure he loved to tease you and rile you up, but he wasn’t cruel. Your friends would have his head on a silver platter if he let anything happen to you.

You pause in your steps when you’re no longer being showered in rain water. Juyeon holds the umbrella over your head with a worried expression. You feel kind of bad for making him chase after you even though he’d already gone out of his way to pick you up. Sometimes you wish your ego wasn’t so fragile. Maybe then you could accept help when you needed it instead of making things worse.

“Can you please stop being so stubborn and just get in the damn car, Y/N? Do you have to make everything difficult all the time?” Usually, pissing you off made him over the moon, but you can tell he’s not exactly pleased at the moment. You swallow thickly, nodding quietly and following him back to his car.

The whole drive to your apartment is silent save for the song playing on his speakers. It’s not as loud in comparison to the storm outside, but you’re grateful that it’s filling the space between you. If only Lee Juyeon hadn’t done such an excellent job ticking you off like a bomb, then maybe you would’ve just hopped in the passenger seat with ease. But no, he had to goad you until you made an irrational decision and now here you are.

As he pulls up to your building, you say a little prayer that you don’t regret your next actions. He stops as close to the stairs as he can, but you turn to him before unbuckling your seatbelt. With a deep breath, you ask, “Would you like to— uh— come inside?”

He glances from you to the stairs and then shrugs, parking in the nearest empty spot. He holds the umbrella over both of you as you make your way to your unit, lightly sprinting so you don’t get anymore soaked than you already are. You figured the least you could do was invite the dude into your home and offer him some hot tea, just so he could warm up before heading back to the TBZ house. Your roommates not being here to make fun of you was also a plus.

There’s still an unspoken tension even after you’ve shed your raincoats and shoes by the front door, settling into your apartment and its coziness. Juyeon sits at the breakfast bar as you busy yourself with preparing the kettle and getting a couple tea bags. His watchful gaze is a little intimidating now that you’ve seen his serious side.

Once you’ve finished making the tea, you set his mug in front of him. You look everywhere but him when you say, “I’m gonna take a shower if you’re okay waiting out here by yourself.” He doesn’t respond verbally, so you take it as your cue to leave.

You turn on the water to let it heat up before gathering your essentials. When you’ve completed your back and forth trip from the bathroom and your bedroom, you’re finally ready to just relax in your shower and forget about today’s events. But how could you ever truly relax with Lee Juyeon in your space, permeating your peace?

As you’re shutting the bathroom door, a foot jams itself between the threshold and stops you. You glance up from the floor to meet Juyeon’s eyes. They’re darker than you’re used to, a deep shade of brown that has your stomach twisting into knots.

“You know, Y/N, this game of cat and mouse is starting to get old,” he takes a step into the steaming room, locking the door behind him and trapping you. “Just admit to yourself that you want me.”

You sputter at his bold words, because you don’t. You don’t want Lee Juyeon. Why would you want Lee Juyeon? “I’m not gonna lie to myself. I don’t want you.”

He laughs humorlessly, closing the gap between you just a little more. You don’t have it in you to back away from him. He reaches a hand up to tuck some damp hair behind your ear. You’re still wet and cold from your stupid idea to walk in the rain, but Juyeon plans to warm you up perfectly. “You sure?”

“Positive,” you breathe.

“Why don’t we test that theory?” Now he’s got you backed into the wall, his face a hair’s breadth distance from your own. “I have a feeling I can change your mind.”

You don’t know if it’s the heat of the bathroom or Juyeon’s lips being so close, but so far simultaneously that has your brain turning into static. Your head feels fuzzy, like you’re watching TV on an empty channel through a blurry lens. You lick your lips, vision trained on his. “Why don’t we?”

That’s all the confirmation he needs to press your mouths together in a searing kiss, hotter than the temperature of the room. You feel him smile against you when you make no move to push him away, instead carding your fingers through his hair. He groans when you tug a bit, twirling the longer strands around your index.

His hands slip under your top, thumbs rubbing circles into your waist. This is a terrible idea. Deep down you’re fully aware that you’re probably making a huge mistake by giving into Juyeon just like every other girl on campus ever has. But paired with how intoxicating his mouth feels on your own and the steam filled bathroom clouding your head, you can’t seem to find a logical reason to stop.

When you part for air, you both start stripping your top layers, resuming your attacks on each other’s lips once you’re left in nothing but undergarments. Juyeon trails kisses along the side of your neck, nipping and sucking wherever he feels fit. You gasp when he finds that particular spot that contributes to the butterflies fluttering about your stomach. “God, you’re so annoying.”

“Yeah?” And despite getting ready to give you the pleasure of your life, his grin against your skin still manages to irritate you. “You hate me so much, huh?”

“Mhm,” you whine as his fingers dip beneath the band of your panties, toying with your sensitive cunt. “Hate you so bad— ah…”

“You might wanna shut up soon, sweetheart,” Juyeon warns, sliding his ring finger between your lower lips. “Or else I’ll give that mouth something to do.”

“I’ll do whatever I want,” you pull his hand from your underwear, kneeling in front of him when he furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Your nails scrape lightly down his abdomen before hooking into the waistband of his briefs, freeing him from the material. It takes a lot out of you to not visibly react at the sight of his cock, hard and flushed to the tip. You couldn’t dare inflate his ginormous ego, the situation you were currently in already doing enough on its own. His size is impressive too, making you wonder just how he expects you to take him like a champ.

“What a fucking brat,” he hisses, your tongue swiping along the underside of his dick. “Always gotta have the last word, don’t you?”

“Mmmm,” you moan, mouth full with just the tip. You’d never been the type of person who cared about size. As long as they knew what they were doing and made you finish, you held no qualms with their length. In fact, you don’t think you ever even paid much attention to anyone’s dick in your life. But if there was anything to back Lee Juyeon’s cockiness, it had to be, well, his cock.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this moment,” he confesses, wrapping your hair around his hand into a makeshift ponytail. “But, fuck, this is so much better.”

The admission shoots straight to your core and you find yourself whimpering, the vibrations against his dick driving him crazy. He has to support his weight with one hand flat to the wall, the other still tightly fisting your hair. With every suck and flick of your tongue, he tugs a little more, the sting on your scalp providing you with more pleasure than pain. You pull off of him to take a breath, jerking him off as you do so.

“Am I meeting your expectations?” You bat your eyelashes up at him, drool sliding down your chin and makeup smeared under your eyes in tear streaks. He groans at the sight of you, forcing you to a standing position so he could kiss you again.

You start dragging him towards the shower, unhooking your bra and stepping out of your panties. He raises an eyebrow at you, amused. “You want me to fuck you in the shower, baby? Have you slipping all over my cock?”

“Duh,” you can’t help but roll your eyes at his question, practically pawing at his underwear to get him out of them fully. “Did you think I sucked your dick on the bathroom floor for fun?”

“That mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble one of these days.”

He kicks them off, reconnecting your lips as you step into the shower. The hot water hits your back almost like a massage, synchronously getting in your mouth as you make out with Juyeon aggressively. It’s like he can’t get enough of you, big hands kneading and groping everywhere and nowhere all at once. You feel insane, especially with how good of a kisser he is. It’s like you’re on cloud nine and nothing’s capable of bringing you down.

When he’s finally lost his patience, he spins you around, pressing you cheek first to the shower wall. You feel him against your lower back, his lips leveling with your ear. In spite of acting as if he had himself under control, you can hear the pant in his breathing, deep voice a little desperate than usual. He has a hand gripping your thigh and picking up your leg.

“No protection?” He asks, his cock already gliding between your folds in anticipation.

“Mm-mm,” you shake your head as best you can with his body sandwiching you to the tiled surface. “Wanna feel you raw.”

“Fuck, you can’t say shit like that to me,” Juyeon groans into your ear, giving no warning as he spits down your front and hikes your leg higher, thrusting into your cunt. “You’ll make me wanna stay buried in you forever.”

You moan, hand coming up to hold the side of his head as he fucks you into the shower wall. If someone were to ask about this very moment, you weren’t too sure how you’d defend yourself. A moment of weakness, perhaps? But if a moment of weakness felt this fucking good every time, you might fall into a habit of judgment lapses.

He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, nibbling and biting your shoulder and the surrounding area with each snap of his hips. The angle he drives into you at has stars forming at the back of your vision, the tip of his cock brushing that one spot deep inside of you whenever he thrusts up. You don’t even think his entire dick is in you as he does this, but you also don’t really have the mind to care, way too focused on memorizing the veins of his shaft with your walls.

You’re far too gone to consider the consequences of your actions, the horizon of your release just beyond your fingertips now. You’d never needed someone so viscerally before, so carnally. Yet here you were, sucking Lee Juyeon’s cock in with your pussy like you were a damn vacuum. The sounds you’re making bounce back and forth on the walls, no doubt louder than the shower water itself.

“I— I-I’m so— fuck,” you mewl, words wobbling. “I’m so, so close, Juyo.”

“Yeah, baby?” He sighs in your ear, nudging your sensitive clit with his thumb while raising your leg as much as he physically can. “Me too, where do you want me?”

“Inside,” you don’t think you even make sense anymore, babbling as he continues to fuck you stupid. “Please. Want you to cum inside me.”

Juyeon grits his teeth, pleased with himself that he didn’t orgasm right then and there. He uses his last ounce of strength to get the two of you off together. “C’mon, sweetheart, cum for me.”

The fogginess subsides pretty quickly after you’ve finished, your brain registering what just happened almost instantaneously. If you weren’t so hypersensitive, you would’ve pulled him out yourself and scrambled to flee the scene. (And maybe even the country.) There are many more rational thoughts running through your head now. The entire trajectory of your life has just been changed, whether you realized it or not. But the biggest issue was:

What the hell do you do now?

#the boyz #the boyz x reader #the boyz smut #tbz #tbz x reader #tbz smut #the boyz juyeon #tbz juyeon #lee juyeon x reader #lee juyeon smut #juyeon x reader #juyeon smut #juyeonszn #juyeonszn.100🪩

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pinkpigtailsprincess · 2 months

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HI ANY TIPS ON BEING THE NEW KID AT A NEW SCHOOL

GENERALLY GETTING ANXIETY ATTACKS LOL

ALSO I LOVE YR BLOG SMM

𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖ Doll tips! ; Being the New Kid!! 🎀⭐️

Tip #1 ; Taking a Breath now speaking from experience being the new kid at school is very nerve racking ik ive done it so many times and just sitting back and just breathing snd relaxing can definitely help just calm you down!!

Tip #2 ; Making a Good Impression!! now for this one i not saying you have to be the most outgoing person ever bc it can be overwhelming especially if you have social anxiety or you just have trouble with interacting!! but definitely being as polite as possible can definitely help you in the long run!!! ⭐️

Tip #3 ; Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself

now since you are new to the school you may or may not have to introduce yourself and ik how nerve racking this can be but doing a simple “Hi! I’m _” is really good if you don’t wish to speak then a simple smile and wave is also just as good!!!

Tip #4 ; Recruiting Friends!!

if you wanna be friends with a particular person try going up to them and saying hi to them also helping people with something is a way to get to know a person or having desk/table mates is like a gold mine for making friends with people !!!

Tip #5 ; Not Everyone is a nice person

if you can tell someone is a mean person stay away from them have little to no contact with this person its will save you all the energy and time because people like this can be extremely draining trust ik that!

Tip #6 ; Be nice but don’t be a pushover

obviously being nice is ESSENTIAL but never let someone cross your boundaries or disrespect you call them out on it don’t make a huge scene obviously but definitely let them know that you’re setting a boundary and if they cross again then cut this person off because obviously they don’t respect your boundaries!!

Tip #7 ; Don’t be a Bystander!!

if you see someone getting bullied say something about it,defend them or just ask them if they’re okay being a bystander to the problem makes you part of the problem as well!!!

Tip #8 ; Don’t let others bring you down

again with making boundaries never let someone cross you or make snarky remarks call them out on it and remember this person words obviously don’t matter what other people say doesn’t define you

Tip #9 ; Join a Club!!

joining a club can be an amazing way to make friends while also doing something you enjoy and over all its just an amazing activity!!

Tip #10 ; Don’t overshare!!!

unless you genuinely trust a person don’t overshare because people switch up and anything you say can and will be used against you!

Tip #11 ; Have Main Character mindset

even if you have zero confidence fake it till you make it!! walk with good posture and some pep in ur step!!🎀

Tip #12 ; If u have a group assignment don’t do all the work

omg i can’t stress this enough only do your part if someone is failing to do their part don’t do it for them let them fail thats their own fault

Tip #13 ; Being popular isn’t everything!

social hierarchy in high school or middle school (idk what grade ur in im sorry!!) is so bleak okay being popular isn’t everything i mean sure by some chance you’ll be popular but still you don’t HAVE to fit in because ur made to stand out

Tip #14 ; Channel ur inner Elle Woods & Cher Horowitz

* apply ur self in ur academics

* if you need help ask its not a bad thing to need help!!

* Make an Organizer to stay in top of ur work!!

* STUDY!! STUDY!! STUDY!!

* if you have an assignment with a rubric read it carefully to ensure you can get the highest grade possible!!

* if you unhappy with your grade or feel like you should’ve gotten a better one ask your teacher to review!!!

* wear cute clothes and style ur hair neatly not to for the lookism esque obviously but looking ur best and feeling your best are definitely good ways to feel better!!! 🎀⭐️

* have a “what? like its hard?” mindset

* Don’t Judge!!

* Pursue ur dreams!!

* Don’t be afraid of a challenge

* Be yourself!!

Tip #15 ; Don’t Leave people out!!!

say ur in a group setting and you see one particular person being left out and not getting their chance to speak make them feel welcome ask them about what they were gonna say and include them into the conversation!!!

Tip #16 ; Eat what makes you happy and don’t yuck someones yum

if someone has a cultural dish for their lunch DON’T EVER make them feel bad about it don’t care what it is that loser behavior! also eat the kind of food that makes you feel good inside and that nourishes your body i definitely suggest packing a lunch the night before!!!

Tip #17 ; Don’t hang around Slackers!!

be friends with people that actually apply themselves in their academic and working for what they want!!!

I love you anon i hope you do AMAZING at ur new school!!! 🎀⭐️

#the advice column with dolly 🎀⭐️#it girl #wonyoungism #self care #self improvement #self love #elle woods #cher horowitz #dream girl #pink pilates princess #dollygirl #dolly #2sweet2eat🎀🧁#girl blog aesthetic #girl blogging

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orchidyoonkook · 1 year

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To What We Were Before, And All The Things After | JJK | Ch. 2

Title: Unknown Numbers and Sharp Tongues

Pairing: Prince!College Student!JK x Fine Arts Major!(F)!Reader

Series Rating//Genre: (M) | College AU, Mild Royalty AU, Smut, Angst, Fluff, S2F2L, Indiffernce to lovers, sloooowwww ass burn

Summary: You get a text from an unknown number and it flips your day upside down.

Warnings: PG13, mild swearing, arguments

Word Count: 3065

Release Date: February 2, 2023, 1:40PM

A/N 1: She’s shorter but just as important

Series: Chapter One

It’s 12:07pm the Wednesday after the assembly. You're sitting on your bed sketching when a text vibration sounds from somewhere within the blankets crumpled beneath you.

A pencil lead stained hand carefully snakes its way through the sheets to find your phone, and after locating it by your feet, you see a message from an unknown number waiting to be read.

Unknown Sender [12:07pm]: Hey, is this YN?

You raise a brow at the semi-suspicious text.

Normally when this happens, you just delete the message. You have everyone you're willing to speak with in your contacts already, so you know that it’s most likely spam. But the difference with this one?

They know your name.

That being said, your guy friends back home have been known to, on occasion, pull shit because they know you can’t do anything about it.

Though, that has never once stopped you from waiting to see them again in person and retaliating. Patience is a virtue and all that, but you think they’d of learned by now…

So you fire back, just in case.

You [12:08pm]: Hobi I s2g if this is you again I’m sending Nayeon that picture of you from 9th grade with shutter shades on and your ass stuck in a tuba

Unknown Sender [12:08pm]: Oh wow, uhm…no, its not Unknown Sender [12:09pm]: But remind me never to get on your bad side. Unknown Sender [12:10pm]: It’s Jungkook actually... I may have grabbed your number from Yuri’s phone. I hope it’s okay I messaged you

Jungkook?

As in The Prince of the Western Shores, Jungkook?

Well...

This certainly isn’t how you thought your afternoon was going to go.

You figured you'd never hear from him again after Monday’s assembly, like everyone else he’d greeted—Yuri aside apparently. Yet here you were, on your bed, in your university dorm room, having a midday text conversation with Prince Jeon Jungkook of all people.

You laugh to yourself and quickly change his name in your contacts, keeping it subtle. You don’t want someone to see his name pop on your screen and then suddenly have a legion of people harassing you about how you got the prince's number, and if they could get it from you.

You [12:11pm]: yeah, it’s fine

And why wouldn't it be? You don’t dislike him, though he seemed to have thought so. Sure, you don’t particularly like the guy yet, but you're confident he feels the same about you—if he even thinks of you, that is.

He probably just wants recommendations for things to do this weekend or to know where the cleanest washrooms on campus are. God forbid his royal bottom touch a less than sanitary toilet seat.

PJK [12:13pm]: Im afraid she had to explain to me who ‘blueballzbitch’ was when I accidentally saw your text to her the other day. Apparently my reaction after reading it was very funny

You [12:13pm]: I cant believe she still hasnt changed my name in her phone! That bitch!! she promised :( You [12:14pm]: Thats only my name because i told her she couldnt bring guys back to our dorm after 1 AM anymore!

PJK [12:14pm]: can I ask why?

You [12:15pm]: there may have been an incident of a very drunk half naked man climbing into my bed at 4 am instead of hers…. You [12:15pm]: And needless to say, not the nicest way to wake up

PJK [12:16pm]: no I would think not. Though that explains her reaction a bit better

You didn’t even want to know.

She did kick that guy out the second she heard your scream though, drunk as she was. But it didn’t stop her from moping for a week at your new rule.

Tough, you’d had a test the next day, so your decision was final.

Your academics wouldn’t pay the price for someone else’s actions. On that you were and always have been, firm. You’ve even lost a few friends because of it.

But now your starting to wonder why he wanted to message you in the first place.

You [12:17pm]: i dont mean to be rude, but why did you save my number? To be honest i didnt think I’d hear from you again after monday

PJK [12:18pm]: well if we’re being honest…

There are a million different ways he could follow that sentence, and your mind is simultaneously running through all of them.

It takes him a few minutes, and a couple disappearance and reappearances of the texting in progress bubble, before a reply comes. Your pencil may or may not be a bit chewed on the end as a result.

PJK [12:21pm]: I was hoping that we could be friends, or acquaintances at least. I dont mean to come on too strong, its just that…. well you’re the only one whos really treated me like a regular guy, and i’d like to have at least one person to speak to who wont ‘glaze over the truth with pretty white lies’ just because of who I am. Its a surprisingly hard attribute to come by in people when you have words like “prince” and “your highness” attached to your name PJK [12:22pm]: Everyone either wants something from me or something I can do for them, and when we met? I could see you just…didn’t. It’s like you didnt even care I was there and that was incredibly refreshing for me PJK [12:23pm]: so um, yeah… that’s why

Oh…

Oh.

You were expecting anything else. Like literally anything else. He could’ve messaged you saying he wanted to give up being prince to join a traveling circus and was wondering if you knew the quickest train route into town and you would’ve been less surprised than you are right now.

But…Friends? He just wanted to be friends?

You guess you played your part a little too well on Monday. A part you didn't even realize you were performing.

Was it really so difficult for people to treat him normally that the only person who had done so in three days, was you? And it was so noticeable that he sought you out because of it? His professors, at least, would have treated him like any other student…right?

You sit up, sketch long discarded on your bedside table.

What would Yuri think about this? What would Nel think? Jungkook isn't just some guy from your Advanced Colour Theory class, he's the prince of your kingdom.

You know your boyfriend wouldn't care if Jungkook kissed your hand in a passing greeting, that’s the standard greeting for every woman.

But friends?

Regular contact?

Potentially being seen in public with him?

Even a high ranking societal man would feel threatened, let alone Nel; the highschool boy you fell in love with from your tiny hometown.

Biting your lip, you think.

You’re not an idiot. You know if people see you—a girl—hanging out with Jungkook—the prince, but more importantly, a boy—publicly, they will start talking. You know how the media make grand stories from two anonymously sourced, out of context quotes and a grainy picture from 100 feet away.

What you don’t know is if you would or even could handle the public speculation that came with that.

You don't want the media to come between you and your education. You don’t want to be at the center of attention. You worked way too hard to get where you are to have it washed away with a shitty ‘Prince Jungkook's college fling’ article that holds headlines for less than a week before the news cycle changes.

Your credibility would be gone in an instant. And you’d only ever be remembered as ‘that girl the prince probably slept with in college.’

You should say no.

You’re going to say no.

—Wait.

Are you even allowed to say no?

Your phone pings again.

PJK [12:24pm]: i really just want my university experience to be as normal as possible before having to trade it all in for a crown and kingdom. It’s my last shot to experience life as a person before becoming a symbol and im hoping youll be kind enough to help me with that PJK [12:24pm]: but i understand if you dont want to. Like i said in my speech, im not unaware of the repercussions of my celebrity, and its effects on others, both positive and negative. So please by all means, whatever answer you give, i’ll understand

Shit.

Shit!

Now you’ll feel like an ass if you say no, and you know that wasn’t his intention with the message, but you can't help it. He just wants to be as ordinary as he can be for a while. That isn’t a lot to ask—of anybody.

After re-reading his messages about a dozen more times, you find your entire view of Jungkook shifting in an instant.

Maybe he was the spoiled, rich, and plate delivered opportunities prince you expected him to be, but funnily enough, somewhere along the way it was you who forgot that he was an regular person. Just like you had told Yuri such a short time ago, and just like you now had to remind yourself.

Jungkook’s really not much different than someone without all the special features his title brings him.

And with that in mind, you know your reply.

You [12:30pm]: can i think about it?

And not seconds later.

PJK [12:30pm]: absolutely.

A breath you didn’t know you were holding releases.

PJK [12:31pm]: that’s already further than i thought i’d get—if we’re still being honest.

You [12:33pm]: im always honest, you dont have to worry about that. And same goes for you, dont worry about being truthful with me. Lies only create problems, and i dont have the time for them

PJK [12:35]: glad to hear it. I look forward to your answer, whenever and whatever you decide

Gently tossing your phone back onto your bed, you leave the conversation at that. You know you wouldn’t be able to make your mind up without going through all possible outcomes in your head first. And Yuri is usually a good enough listener to pipe in with decent advice now and then.

So, for now, you pick up your pencil and sketch pad, and wait for Yuri to return from her afternoon class.

A few hours later, and a decent way through your third life study, Yuri bursts through the front entryway. Your bedroom door’s open, and you’ve got a clear view of her shucking off her shoes and outer layers after casting her books onto the dining room table.

So much for your focus.

But you're glad she’s back, your conversation with Jungkook from earlier is still wracking your brain.

“YN, Sweets! You are NEVER going to believe the day I’ve had!” Yuri makes her way over to your bed, inhaling deeply enough you know a monologue is about to follow.

“Me too! But you first,” you slip in before the floodgates burst, knowing all her focus will be solely centered on you the second you mention Jungkook reaching out.

“Jungkook invited me to lunch!”

Or maybe not.

“Well sort of, that’s why I’m late getting back. He asked if there was a more secluded place to eat on campus,” she says the word like it’s a secret. Like she thinks he asked for seclusion to have it be a more intimate setting with her, versus a more private space for him.

“So I showed him that little cafe behind the greenhouse that no one ever goes to cuz it’s too far away from central campus—you know the one that might as well just be a part of the greenhouse cuz of how close it is?”

You nod. You were very familiar with that cafe, frequently going there to paint the flowers in the windows, and also, to think. But she doesn’t know that. It was sort of a safe haven for you, because like she said, it wasn’t a very popular place on campus, so it was quiet.

You didn’t know Yuri even knew about it.

Now sitting criss-crossed on the end of your bed, she continues, “Yeah, so I brought him there and we both got coffee, then I got a croissant and he got a sandwich. But YN, get this: we take. our coffee. the. same. way. Try and tell me we’re not made for one another now! Same major, same coffee, next thing you know we’ll be finding out we’d picked out the same baby names.”

She stops to take a breath and you take your cue. “Woah there, Yurls, slow down a bit on that last one,” she makes a face at you. You ignore it. “But I think it’s great you're making a new friend that you have common interests with and are excited about,” you say, putting extra emphasis on ‘friend,’ thinking back to your conversation with Jungkook about people only ever wanting things he could give them. Surely you could subtly help your friend this way. “Just try to remember you have to be friends first before anything else happens.”

She doesn’t miss a beat. “Friends? YN please! We’re practically already dating, that’s three times in as many days he’s asked to hang out,” she closes her eyes, hugging herself. “I can almost hear the wedding bells.”

You look at her plainly and try your best not to sigh.

She must know that this is just Jungkook taking her up on her offer, right? The one she made after seeing him off to the cafe by the biz-admin building the other day?

Before they parted ways, Yuri’d mentioned to him that if he wanted more inside knowledge or help getting around the campus he could ask her. And it made sense, having all their classes in the same area, when he said, ‘I’ll take you up on that.’

You know, because not unlike this conversation, she’d rushed home right after to tell you.

Jungkook’s just trying to get his bearings in what is clearly still a very new experience for him and Yuri’s reading into it all wrong.

You look at your friend who’s staring dreamily at nothing, more than likely caught up in whatever wedding scenarios of herself and Jungkook her brain is creating.

Waving a fruitless hand in front of her face before snapping your fingers, you break her trance. “Helloooo? Earth to Yuri, come back down here please so I can talk some sense into youuuuu.”

“I’m here,” she says, smacking your hand away playfully, gaze snapping to your less than amused one. Her smile falters at the sight. “What’s that look for?”

“Oh nothing, just that you sound like a delusional teenager instead of a functional adult at university pursuing a degree. You just met the guy three days ago and you’re already picturing your wedding together? Because you hung out over coffee twice and showed him where his classes are? He’s still a stranger, Yuri. Can’t you hear yourself?”

Her expression quickly changes to one of offense, and maybe even hurt.

Perhaps you’d been a little too honest, but it’s not like this was new for you two. Sometimes she needed a swift blow to knock her down and she knows this, she knows you’d never intend to hurt her feelings. You always wanted what was best for her, and you know she feels the exact same way for you.

So you’re shocked when she says, “You know you don’t have to be such a bitch about it if you’re going to be jealous,” crossing her arms defensively.

Jealous? You are anything but jealous, and you wonder why that’s where her mind jumps to first, brows scrunching in confusion.

“I’m not jealous. Have you forgotten about Nel? Boyfriend of five years, highschool sweetheart, ringing a bell?”

“Nel’s not a prince YN,” she counters in a tone so even, it’s unsettling. “And it wouldn’t be so unheard of for a woman in a relationship to be jealous of her friend who’s in one with a prince she wants for herself.”

Oh, so that’s where she wants to go with this. She thinks that Jungkook will somehow make you forget about the five wonderful years with Nel. Like half a decade measures up to nothing if it means getting someone with a better name and a bigger paycheck.

Fine.

If she wants to get bitchy about it, so will you.

“Yeah, well it’s a good thing you’re not dating one then, isn’t it? Don’t get so defensive when all I’m doing is trying to help you see that.”

Yuri stands dramatically from the bed, clearly pissed, and storms out of your room, grabbing her things from the dining room table.

“I’m going to my macroeconomics class. By the time I get back, either have your door closed, or don’t be here.”

She leaves as rushed as she came, and you try not to flinch at the front door slamming shut, but do anyway.

You shove your work off to the side, bringing your knees up to rest your elbows on while the palms of your hands cover your eyes, giving yourself a moment to breathe and process.

This isn’t the first time this has happened and it certainly won't be the last. It was a downside between your personalities. You were the anchor who kept her from soaring too high in the clouds, just like she was the helium that kept you from drowning.

But sometimes she wanted to see the stars, and sometimes you were scared of the surface.

Releasing a deep breath, you decide to head out, having finished school for the day anyway. You only had morning classes on Wednesdays—an intentional scheduling on your behalf to have somewhat of a break midweek. You work hard but also know that burnout can kill.

Switching out your pencils for watercolour paint trays, and your sketchpad for your watercolour paper, you decide that the greenhouse sounded great right about now, especially now that you knew Yuri wouldn’t be there.

There isn’t a better place for you to go and blow off some steam.

Tossing your brushes, materials, travel water and wallet in a tote, you slide on your shoes and leave the dorm. The door closes much quieter this time.

Chapter Three: Greenhouse Muses and Surprise Guests

A/N 2: I’m pretty sure this is the shortest chapter in the series (so far) but as you’ve read it’s an important step so I hope that’s okay!

<- Back

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allamericanb-tch · 1 month

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crimson rivers thoughts (12)

@tastetherainbow290

chapter 26

rip james potter’s leg he’s gone full peeta

sirius is visiting reg

reg ☹️

talking about throwing up is arguably the worst part of this fic so far

“It's fine. I didn't even like this shirt. (Sirius really liked this shirt.)”

i am legitimately shaking but i don’t know if this is important so i need to read it

please stop talking about throwing up

poor regulus i feel so bad

and hes throwing up again

i cant even think about this what if i just skim the rest

ok pov switch thank god

oh no i forgot remus has to go back…

sirius is so considerate

nooo remu

sirius pov again im praying there isn’t any more throwing up

and there it is.

poor regulus ahhhhh i just feel so bad for him like. i want to give him a hug.

why doesn’t regulus want to see james ☹️

sirius is visiting james now

that was sweet. sad, but sweet.

remus pov again

remu ❤️‍🩹

can someone tell me why the rat is my 5th most used emoji

"You're so precious to me, did you know that?"

remus loves sirius (duh)

chapter 27

i’m sad for wolfstar what’s gonna happen

"You can trust that the only person I have an interest in seeing naked is your brother." 😭

this hallow drama is actually hilarious

reggie 💔

i’m scared that pandora is going to die in the future bc we have t seen any of her pov

this is so sad.

no thoughts just sadness.

“i’m collecting them all” i’m glad to see you making jokes reg

"Oh, this is just the bruise finally blooming from where I tripped and fell the moment I saw you,"

this was a lighter chapter but still sad

chapter 28

back to james pov

oh no a nightmare

CRAP I FORGOT ABT MY MATH HOMEWORK it was due yesterday but she hasn’t graded it yet so if i turn it in now she won’t take of points for it being late

math homework is finished! back to reading (suffering)

oh yeah. nightmare. ☹️

"I wasn't supposed to go through this," no james, you were not. i’m sad now (i have been sad)

james leave regulus aloneeee (don’t leave him alone)

shrodinger’s cat mention

“james”

i’m actually crying right now.

nooo why are the fighting

james is getting his glasses back soon!!! huzzah

"I don't want to be a great, big tragedy anymore,"

baby

“it’s a parting gift” i’m crying again

regulus and remus friendship <3

“we broke up” “you were together?” 😭

ugh this is so sad. already i’ve cried more times than reading atyd AND choices and ive barely made a dent in cr

oh no interview prep

evan mention 💔

every time i see the word hallow in this fic im like “i need to add this (hallow/hollow) to my list of homophones” and i never do bc im writing all my thoughts in my notes app and my homophones list is in a different folder than my marauders thoughts

chapter 29

oh me oh my hanky panky happening in this chapter i wonder for who

every time i call sex hanky panky i give myself the ick

"We broke up? This is news to me” james 😭

“No one needs romantic love to be fulfilled as a person. Not everyone wants it, and then there are those who aren't ready, and all of it is okay. That doesn't mean there's an absence of love, or that you're getting it wrong. You're not, Regulus, I promise."

they’re holding hands (but for sad reasons)

interview time i’m scared

evan ☹️☹️☹️

vanity ☹️☹️☹️

“We love your love, don't we?" 💔

this is so sad omg i genuinely don’t know how im going to survive this

GLASSES!!!!!!

so he’s just been wearing contacts this whole time?

ok i need to go do my duolingo.

i am back from duolingo.

james telling sirius to go have sex with remus on their last night 😭 i mean fair. they should

"I'm absolutely thinking about your brother right now." oh, james

james telling sirius about him and reg 😭 poor sirius

sirius asking james for tips 💀

“i expect all the details” james fleamont potter 😭

sirius is such a good brother. i love him.

remus pov !!

“i would not have known joy if i did not have the pleasure of knowing you”

ugh wolfstar. i love you.

😯 hanky panky

spine has been realigned

ok but any time any of them ever talk about getting off it just makes me think about one time when i was at a district choir concert and when we were practicing one of our songs the director said “there won’t be a dry seat in the audience” (he meant dry eye, bc the song was beautiful, but it just came out like everyone in the audience would dream their pants 😭) but. unnecessary story and it isn’t really that funny unless you were there but.

chapter 30 (?!)

evan 💔

god.

remus ‘reading’ sirius’ mind 😭

they have to say goodbye ☹️

barty mention!!!!

*singing* i just miss you and i just wish you were a better man

“i love you” eeeeeeeee

omg kissing

and it’s over.

“i don’t want to hurt you anymore” 💔

eeeee they’re kissing again

“it’ll take a while but later—much later—james will look back on this and wonder, sadly, if it was a parting gift, too.” WHAT

sirius kissing the mask so remus will always have a sirius kiss

i love pandora

wolfstar goodbye 💔

the fact that all of this happened in the span of two weeks

effie and monty!!!!!!!!!!

the next chapter is lily… should i read it or go to sleep

#crimson rivers

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aananyaidiot · 8 months

Text

when do your parents just stop loving you? when do you turn from a precious kid to an useless

burden? when does the encouragement they gave you for that one ugly ugly drawing you made

in kindergarden turn into a slur? i know they loved me when i was 5 but i know they hated me

when i was 12. when in these 7 years did i turn from a prized possession to someone they just

want to throw out of their lives. some people assume their parents hate them and there is a

sense of relief in that because there is a benefit of doubt. what if they don’t? what if they actually

love me? what if im loved and my existence cherished? my parents, however, did not want me

to ponder over those questions. they told me straight to my face. my father told me quite calmly,

one eventful night in the bedroom how he wishes to just eradicate me from his life. my mother,

not so calmly, told me that she wishes i were never born. what is the point of the world if i wasn’t

even brought into this world with a smile? what is the point of trying hard at school when they do

not even appreciate the hard work? when i stay up till 3 in the night studying but wake up to be

suspected that i was probably using the phone all night long? what is THE POINT?

i am not mad or angry at them. i never was. i wish i was though. i am just angry at myself.

maybe they are right, maybe i do hurt people. someone did tell me that i just end up making

them feel bad about themselves. maybe all i am is a burden. maybe i am just gaslighting myself

into believing im a golden child, something they should cherish. right now as i stare at this

computer screen, half filled with words, i still crave their attention. i want them to tell me that

everything is okay and they love me, even though i dont deserve it. i just want my father to hold

me and tell me that the fact that i am trying makes them feel much prouder than his friend feels

when his daughter got admitted into a great college. i tell people that i am not a weakling and

don’t believe in God, much of this disbelief arises from the fact that my parents don’t love me

even though i try my best but the guy i met in the bus 5 days ago with an expensive phone tells

me his father told him that he was proud of him when he got a 69/100 in a math test.

i love them with my heart, it is true but sometimes, their words, they just hurt me. i am pretty

much immune to offensive comments and things that make people hurt. for instance, one day

my mum calmly told me while literally banging her heads with her hands how i drive her crazy. i

was 12. i was a kid, i did not know what that meant. i broke into tears, i cried my heart out and

she did not even care. one time, i was talking to a friend of mine and she snatched the phone

and hung up abruptly. feeling confused, i asked her in a slightly louder voice why would she do

that. i ended up getting a scolding and she did not talk to me for 2 days. she did not talk to the

kid who she brought into this world for 2 days. why? just for a phone call?

i see the people with their perfect families and parents who do not make them feel bad when

they do not get the best grade. i smile at the kid and his mother when they both are laughing

over something. it feels liberating and smells of nostalgia. i do not know what normal families

are like, with normal fathers and mothers who do not tell you everyday of how big a burden you

are. who do not doubt you every time you get 2 marks less than the maximum. who feel it is

alright to take breaks. i wonder how it feels to be cherished. i am not sad. the kid is laughing

with his mother over a joke and the world is okay. i am okay.

#desi academia #desi shit posting #desi tumblr #desiblr #chaotic academia #chaotic academic aesthetic #romanticism #dark academia #desi #desi tag #parents #chaotic thoughts #poetry

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fairyofthehollow · 1 month

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pls someone tell me how to deal with not being a teenage girl anymore i don’t think i can do it. i always drift between feeling excited and okay that i’m growing up and being utterly terrified / panicked and wanting so badly to be 16 or 12 again that i feel physically sick. and then feeling so horrible about not enjoying my teenage years and wasting them away that i’m about to end up doing the same for my early twenties. i know 20 is young but it also feels so old and like i should have everything figured out already. i know i have my whole life ahead of me but it doesn’t feel that way at all. society viewing women as ancient beings from -2 billion years ago when they hit 30 doesn’t help either. like? do i seriously just have 10 years (or will it be 5?) before people don’t see me as young and free or whatever the hell but then it’s like who caresss what people think agghhhhh. idk idk idk. i look at my mom who’s fifty this year and she’s as bright and active and smart and fun and youthful as ever. she’s going to the gym and she’s gonna start school again. i don’t see her as old, like at all. idk why i have such a hard time with me though. it also doesn’t help that ive never ever experienced any sort of romantic attention / interaction / intimacy :’) & it makes me think ooh boy the clocks really ticking. BUT ITS NOT WHY CANT I UNDERSTAND THAT!!!!!! but time moves so so quickly and it petrifies me into not even wanting to do things bc what if i end up wasting my time? what if i fail? why even try.

like im so excited bc im finally getting to know myself. high school was actual dookie water and i was a shell of a human but now im starting to feel alive again and like the world is actually big and not super tiny. im so excited for the summer bc i plan on trying new hobbies and reading a lot and doing a ton of crafts. i finally found clothes i love and feel comfortable in!! but what if my hobbies and interests end up seeming childish. do i have to retire those things when i get older? i just want to be able to be older and still wear converse and silly graphic tees or wear cute hairstyles and read fantasy novels (EVEN MIDDLE GRADE BOOKS BC THEYRE NOSTALGIC AND THEYRE REALLY GOOD) and idk rewatch phineas and ferb every once in a while if i feel like it without seeming crazy. idk :|

ugh. ive never felt so split in my emotions.

#turning 20 in like 4 days is really freaking me out #LIKE DUDE ILL BE GRADUATING COLLEGE IN THIS DECADE OF MY LIFE #I SHOULD BE EXCITED FOR IT!!#but im not #but also i kind of am?#but no #guys help 🥲#♡ fairy speaks ♡

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thatkdpoh · 6 months

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Introduction i think?

Ok so I’ve been like really excited to do this I don’t know why but this is I think controversy? I don’t know how controversy works but this is how it happened.

I am 12 yrs old, My height is 5,1 and holy shit wanna kms but I am 130 pounds. This will flucate and idk how to spell it but it’s like a line with a dot in the front or end and it goes left to right so I flucate to 130 to 140 I hate that.

How I know about ED/Backstory/rant (cringy ik sorry :c :

I was always a fat kid and I’ve hated it, I understand that I didn’t care about my weight but when I was like what 8 to 9 whenever my dad would say cow to me in taqvaylit I don’t know how to write it but I know something’s like amcic or tizizwith or afkroune which is cat, bee and turtle in that order. I would feel self conscious and sometimes cry to because I’m very sensitive which is like cringy i know lol. My heaviest had to been this year like 140 pounds but I think it was water weight and shit. Anyways my mom tried to get me to fast and she would force me or smth maybe not force but like tried to get me to lose weight. She’d say it directly and it would always make me feel bad but like I understand being 130 for like 8 yrs or 9 to 12 is very heavy and embarrassing considering I always saw kids would be more skinner than me I’d feel very bad. Until recently like last year in 6th grade I was reading fanfics of a human au of TMNT i didnt know what ED’s were so when it showed up the word bulimia I thought it meant bullshit but it didn’t sound right so I searched it up and saw the symptoms that’s when I also learned about anorexia and pica etc. When I saw the symptoms I started copying them now this is the part that I think is controversy I copied the symptoms which I know was bad but I was fucking lazy and still am couldn’t do a workout for the life of me or restrict food, I was used to eating a lot and when I saw the symptoms I copied them and they worked!! I loved it and then the minute I knew how to starve myself, I actually don’t know how to continue with that but I didn’t know how much of a deeper hole I got into but I really loved it and still do EMBARRASING. I did do exercise I did like 100 sit ups a day which did nothing but it did make my body ache and stopped, 5th grade was the worst out of all my grades for now but 6th might be second but it wasn’t that bad just a lot of crying and seeing how fat I am made me cry that’s it. Now if I don’t starve at all or try too I would feel like shit. In 6th grade I also saw that purging was a symptom so I made myself throw up but only if I ate way to fucking much and I’m so bloated it hurts and I can’t take the pressure so I throw up just to take off a little pressure and go back but then I’d feel sick which sucked :C. When Ramandan came though I was A BEAST not an actual beast but like it was my oppertuinity to fast without anyone questioning because I live in a studio apartment with 5 other people that are my family >_<. Obviously with my blabber mouth which I hate told everything to my mom but I think she thinks that I’m ok now :D. Any way I’d only eat 5 tablespoons of soup every night and I was very tired and I lost 6 pounds!! Which isn’t a lot but I made it to 124 pounds!! But then I gained it all back in summer break, cried, tried to fast for 3 days but fainted on the 36 hour?? I’m not sure because when I stopped the fast because my mom told me to eat and spoiler alert I cried cause I have little bitchitas if u know Kubz scouts u know. I paused at the 38 hour so like 36 is my highest to fast which is embarrassing again. ANYWAY NOW IM IN 7TH GRADE STUGGLIJG EITH THIS THINGY :]] I sound like those I guess I deserve it heh thing but like no I’m not seriously I just wanted to be silly. Anyway I’m gonna try that ABC diet which I think seems kind of mid to hard but I think fitnesspal would help me with it <33

BYE EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT DAY OR NIGHT HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING SND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! :33

#i need to lose so much weight #thinner is better #@na tips #@tw edd #ed bullshit #th1nsp1ration #thigh g4p #tw ed but not sheeran #@na vent #4ana #proana.#pro a4a #ana dairy #ana rant #tw ana diary #tw ana trigger

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kats-kradle · 1 month

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rant

losing my mind. it’s the last week of my classes and im so close to the end but on Saturday ive got a concert. not really a concert it’s like band/concert my violin teacher teaches a TON of instruments and every six months all the students perform songs together its a blast. im so stressed its unreal because the week before the last one my violin hairs just like BROKE and i had to scramble to last minute get it fixed. so im super paranoid that it’s gonna happen again like i think it’s just my imagination but I can feel the hairs going again. its also almost the recital at the dance studio I work at. i heard through the grapevine that some of the other teachers don’t think I’m strict enough with my kids but like. the kids in question are 5. they gotta be a lil squirmy and crazy if you want them to listen. so stressed that they’re gonna be absolutely bonkers and make the other teachers think i can’t control them. my mom is frustrated with her weight and she keeps yelling at me because of it. i love her but i don’t like being the target of her anger for no reason. she’ll just start yelling at me about nothing with no warning and it really puts me on edge around her because i don’t know what she’s gonna do. also triggering because my dad was verbally abusive. my room is a mess. my adhd is bad. im still recovering from my concussion so i can’t write for more than like 20 min before i get a headache. im so bad at speaking spanish which is a problem because i got to a latino church. i worry that im an intrusion but we’ve been there a year and everyones said multiple times how much they love us. i feel the need to show them ive improved since ive joined. im so stressed about being perfect because im so used to having consequences if im not. when my parents divorced my dad tried to take homeschooling away from my mom by using my bad grade as proof in court that she shouldn’t be teaching me and my sisters. do you know what that does to a kid?? 12 years old and having to know that your inadequacy could take you and your sisters away from your mom. every time i got a bad grade i knew he was using it to hurt my mom. let me tell you that’s SO MUCH PRESSURE😭 i started cheating in high school. i stopped by my senior year and i don’t anymore but i never know if all my A’s are because im smart or because it was essentially beaten into me that people got hurt when i didn’t do well. i keep having to telling myself “no one will get hurt if you don’t do perfect” and “there’s no consequences for not being perfect.” I finished a novella a wrote by accident and i want to publish it but i don’t know where to start. my older sister told me she’s a little jealous of me because she’s always had the goal to write but she threw herself into her education first. she’s overcompensating for her jealousy by offering me advice that she doesn’t know how to give and trying to be nit picky trying to make my story “perfect.” im so so tired of people trying to make me perfect im so tired of nothing i do being enough. can’t it just BE.

anyways i need to have serious prayer time and give this to the Lord but it felt good to scream into the void.

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pumpkzsafeplace · 10 months

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For you and/or your daddy

(Vent, tw- mentions of depression, aniexty, ed, and unintentional sh)

-----

It's getting bad again... I've lost interest in pretty much everything. I only really feel happy when I'm small. Lately everything just seems kinda pointless. Everyday I wakeup, lay in bed for awhile, get up, and so sit on the couch all day. Eventually my mom will text me and give me some chores. I don't know why but everytime she texts me it just makes me mad. I know I don't have anything better to do but it just kinda makes me mad that all I do is chores. I've hardly left the house all summer, maybe 12 times. And 3 of those times were to go to school. I've also noticed that I've been eating less. I know it's not good for me but I don't know what to do. I've never really talked to any of my friends about my ed and even if I wanted to talk to one of them about it I don't really know how to bring it up. I've been shakey recently and I don't know if it's from aniexty or from a lack of me eating. I just feel kinda spaced out most of the time and I don't like it. I use to go to therapy back when I was in 6th grade (for context im going into 9th grade) and I've thought about going back. I didn't really like therapy, it might of just been my therapist, but the whole experience just wasn't very good. Anyways, the other day I accidentally did something and it really hurt. I have a bad habit of digging my nails into my skin. When we were driving back home my baby sister started crying and I didn't even realize that I was digging my nails into my hand until after it was too late. It's still healing, but it hurts really bad :(

A lil' cg update: I still have a cg, the only time we talk is when I message her first. We barley talk and I honestly keep forgetting that I even have a cg. I know that she's really busy but I kinda feel like she doesn't even wanna be my cg. She doesn't really baby me at all, or talk to me very much and it makes me sad..

I'm really sorry for rambling so much.. I just really don't know what to do anymore. I just know I needed to talk to someone before it got too bad....

-👑

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

hihi lil bug’ 🌼

💼: Hello little one, I decided to take this one if you don’t mind- due to the sensitive topics.

I’m sorry it’s gotten bad again- our minds can be dangerous things sometimes. Especially if we fuel them with things going wrong, then can spin it and almost make us feel out of control of our own bodies.

The same happened with Pumpkin- well still does from time to time. Have you tried to make any friends? That helped Pumpkin a lot. I know you can do something on here- like an application of some sort to help? But i’m not to sure I’m sorry.

Also, not leaving the house doesn’t equal to you being bad/ or you being worthless. Sometimes time passes by us so quickly, you can simply blink and it’s the end of summer. And just because you didn’t go out and do this wonderful and spontaneous plans, doesn’t mean that your summer was a waste. You looked after your body, you rested and let your mind heal after school- that’s more important than anything.

I do think therapy is a good choice though love, especially regarding the eating disorder. Pumpkin never went and she still struggles so much now- so please- if you see the signs early, go and get some help with how to cope. You should never have to feel like you’re unworthy of food, or that food is a chore.

If it’s due to the depression- then use quick meals. Noodles, Ready Meals- they’re all accessible and can be made quickly. Please just make sure to have something in your tummy, okay?

Pumpkin used to dig her nails into her palms when she was stressed before things progressed & got worse- I know that sometimes it can’t be helped but maybe a fidget toy can be used instead? Just something to play with to distract your hands whilst your mind is going through this.

Regarding your CG- maybe it’s time to look for another. If you’re not feeling looked after then maybe you need to speak to them and explain how your needs aren’t being matched. If they’re going through something themselves then it’s understandable- but communication is a key thing & stuff can’t be solved without it.

I’d have a talk to them and see what’s going on. If they’re still refusing to talk or take action, then maybe look for another. Like i said earlier- applications and such could be a good help.

I hope I have helped- I know you wanted Pumpkin but this hit a little too close to home as one would say.

Big hugs from her though, and Me and Good luck.

#askpumpkin #👑pumpkinasks #agere blog #age regression #agere community #sfw agere #safe agere #sfw age regression #sfw little community #sfw little blog #agere little #sfw little post

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justablah56 · 5 months

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oh god hi. gothweebcleats here again. i’m finally catching up to the new episodes (still only on 47!! i’m dragging my partner through them) but dear god

(also using canon pronouns rn im a lil put of it LAWL) (also also warning possible sad ahead)

honestly i loved LOVED!!! freddie whipping out taylor’s emotions in hell or high father. like. yeah taylor’s a good fun kid he takes very little seriously and he likes himself and that makes for a charismatic sorta dude that seems like he doesn’t really think much. but god no this kid since day one has been wanting his dad he’s so curious he can barely contain it ‘there’s an empty spot waiting for you where are you’ he loves his mom so so much and she will never be a replacement she will never fill that hole. dad where are you. dad there you are and my first impression of you is terrifying. all i hear is fighting and my friend and i need to be safe we need to get out. my friend left himself behind for you and youre telling me to leave him forever? dude that sucks. no wonder you werent around. i wish i didn’t remember you anymore and that there was a different you here taking care of me

and also thinking abt lincoln. link who loves his dads more than anything. link who thinks knows how important his dads are to his wellbeing, that he wont be safe if his dads arent there. link who grew up and learned his fathers were people too. link growing up and seeing his dad’s mistake firsthand link growing up and seeing that he has to fix his dad’s problem. link knowing his dad cares for him link knowing his dad doesn’t care for him correctly (don’t get me started on grant) link knowing his dad will always love him link knowing his dad will never love him enough.

ykw we’re gonna do the other two as well (as i get closer to current episodes i get Immensely Sadder)

terri marlowe grows up without a dad (there’s an empty spot in my brain; i don’t remember anything before first grade…). a man comes by when she’s 12 and asks for money (we have the same nose (?!) ). her mom yells him out of the house (she never yells, what’s going on??) and they leave the state three weeks later (mom where are we going? … mom??). scary starts at a new middle school somewhere in california (i grew up in illinois). she joins the soccer team (they’re nice enough). her mom gets a boyfriend (ew) and apparently he has the same name as her (double ew!!!). scary wakes up the next morning clinging to a man she doesn’t remember for the sake of hurting a man right in front of her (i want to be mean). she does not spit vitriol during dinner (this chicken is gross..) and she does not warm up to him (i won’t not ever never ever no no no) and he looks like he wants a hug but he goes for a high five instead. scary marlowe has to take a second as her boundaries are respected. scary marlowe hates terry stampler jr with a passion that will never end.

okay so i gotta be real. i’m not.. the biggest oak family fan. henry was my least favorite of the dads and if i look at normal too hard he’ll start looking back and then my eyes will fall out of my head as i try to avoid looking in a mirror. however. normal growing up and his parents (and their friends) liking his sister more. not loving never loving ‘we love you both equally!’ but. normal starts liking citrus candy because his sister doesn’t and that’s all she leaves in the bags that marco brings. normal wearing hero’s hand-me-downs. normal’s mother giving hero the first cookie from the batch every time (even though they aren’t very good anyways). normal’s dad spends, like, every afternoon with hero but it’s totally, like, okay and cool, like, i have homework to do anyways, like, by the time they get back i’ll be snoozing from how hard i was hitting the books haha. normal assuring his parents to put hero first because they will anyways and at least then he doesn’t feel bad about it because now they don’t feel bad about it and see everyone is happy!!! see everyone is having a good time!!! everything is fine nothing is wrong nothing ever will be my parents love me and that’s all that matters

okay i need to finish my partner’s christmas present now i took a break to do this and it’s been. a Hot second. hope u r having a nice weekend aether :) happy holigays

ough oguh ough absolutely eating this up btwwww OK BUT YEAH . taylor in that episode man ,,,, hurt me so much ,,.,..,.,. him just being sad and showing even just a bit of vulnerability and that no , it's not all ok . *I'm* not all ok . ough sobs about Taylor Swift (not that one) forever and ever he is everything to meeee

and linc :( Linc realizing his dependency on his dad's and their failures in raising him ,,,, her realizing that they aren't perfect , they're actually both super fucked up , and as much as they tried not to , they fucked him up too . man ....

waough scary ,, , your whole little analysis here is sososo important to me bcs ough yeah :( scary not knowing her dad as anything other than the one thing that can make her mom yell , and yet attaching to him over Terry . dismissing it bcs cmon he couldn't've been that bad , he must've just had a bad day . I must be remembering it wrong . but really she's just afraid that Terry could be just like him - anyways ,,,. scary makes me so 💥💥💥💥

normal ,, but that's so real like Henry is probably my least favorite of the dads and then normal ,, I cannot look upon him , he is too just like me fr fr /neg . but yeah :( him being upset about being the second choice so he starts to convince himself it's because he wants hero to be the first choice . that it's fine , he likes being second anyways . hes happy to take heros leftover candies , they're his favorites anyways . oh yeah hero can go out with Dad and uncle lark , he has homework he has to be doing anyways . ough normal ,,,,

anywayssss hope you were able to finish your partners present !! hope your weekend was also v good and I wish you happy holigays :3

#gothweebcleats not so anon #gothweebcleats anon #i think that's the tag i changed you to shsjndnd #maybe .#idk .#maybe youre just gothweebcleats anon still who knows

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girlgenius1111 · 3 months

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different anon, but I just got prescribed lexapro for my anxiety and I hear so many different things, im almost nervous to take it? but at the same time I had a 3 hour panic attack at work last week so I have to do something. would you mind talking about your lexapro experience more?

i started taking lexapro when i was 12 or 13. i had always had really bad anxiety, but it started getting noticeably worse. it was either 7th or 8th grade, and i could barely go to school. i would be so anxious, i would normally throw up in the bathroom during my first class, and try to wait it out, or i would go home. i missed a lot of school, and eventually my parents took me to a psychiatrist, who thought that starting an SSRI would be a good idea. my parents weren’t the best dealing with my anxiety, but they did this right, and i appreciate it.

honestly, it was life changing. i hadn’t realized how much of my life i spent anxious, or trying to avoid situations that i knew would make me anxious, until the lexapro brought my anxiety level down significantly. even when i would still get anxious, it wouldn’t be as severe as it had been previously, and i was able to use tools i learned in therapy to get through it.

it stopped being completely overwhelming and unmanageable. i had panic attacks way less often, things that used to make me anxious didn’t anymore.

for the first time in my life, i functioned like a regular person, and it was shocking to me to realize that it shouldn’t have been this hard this whole time.

genuinely, lexapro saved my life. i was on it for 7 ish years, and although i switched to something else, that was 7 entire years of significantly reduced anxiety.

i get the hesitation, i do. i don’t know what it’s like to not be on an SSRI anymore. and that kind of sucks, but at the same time, i could live my life again? i cannot imagine the number of things i wouldn’t have been able to do if i hadn’t started taking it.

at the end of the day, there’s no harm in trying it out. it’ll take a few weeks to build up in your system, and side affects should only last a bit if you have any. if you don’t like how it makes you feel, you try something else.

i think the most important thing is giving it a good shot, and in the meantime, treating yourself with kindness and patience. it’s not your fault that you feel like this, and you deserve the function normally. don’t push yourself too hard, and be patient.

i hope this helped 🫶🏻

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blankingbloom · 4 days

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5/26/24

Dear Angelica (aka future me),

Hey! How are you? Before I start my thousands of questions, let me first say, congratulations on graduating and finishing your senior year of high school!!! this must be a bittersweet moment for you, as I am experiencing this at the moment as a junior watching the grades above me graduate and do senior activities. Graduating is a once in a lifetime moment, not everybody gets to graduate due to unfortunate circumstances, but congratulations! Thank you so much for staying strong, the k-12 system is literally horrible lol. I just wanted to say, I (17 year old Angelica) will forever be within you. I am you, but I want you to have no regrets or wising to be me because “life was so carefree” 💀💀 naw it’s not I’m suffering rn lmfao I have 3 summer classes, a job to juggle and volunteer opportunities to catch up on and college apps 😿 whomp whomp. I so desperately want to be you right now! It may feel insufferable at the moment and you feel lots of bittersweet feelings and loneliness being unleashed from hell (prison) (kleinisd) (kleinhigh); you should know that there is a whole chapter ahead of you and you’ve achieved a milestone! When something ends, a new opportunity arises. I hope you’ll feel better soon, knowing how I feel now will probably affect you 10x deeper (you’ll understand). Highschool for me was no fun adventure; I was barely sociable, barely any friends (like a few ofc I’m not a loser), I felt like I wasn’t on track to be my genuine real self anytime soon, but you have the opportunity to change that through college. I need you to be stronger for me until we get our masters in compsci 💀. Be an academic weapon once more for us plz!! I know you want that so bad. I know our experience wasn’t the best, especially during covid and certain situations, but there is a whole life ahead of us, that is depending on our actions. I trust us to keep it up! BTW Im missing a ton of the 2023 seniors, I can’t believe that it’s real. It low key hurt seeing everyone I had classes with especially in financial math, english, photography, and a&p graduate. It’s so bittersweet it low key hurt my feelings, especially seeing everyone I grew up with who were a grade above me. I don’t want to forget them at all, I want to remember who they are! I never peaked in high school, but I’m never going to see these people again, unless it’s by a rare chance someday, I doubt they would recognize me. I guess I just grew attached. Anyways, I have some questions LOL.

1. What is our plan after graduating Highschool? What college are we going to?

2. Did we end up submitting any of our SAT/ACT scores?

3. What’s your favorite song currently?

4. Are we still dating Ben?

5. Did we make any new friends?

6. What is your college essay about?

7. What made us stronger?

8. How was senior year? Was it any easier taking AP classes? Do we understand pre-calc?

9. Do we still want to take comp sci?

10. What happened to your H‑E‑B job?

11. Did we get any stoles/cords for graduation or not?

12. What was our final Highschool GPA?

13. What’s our class schedule?

14. What do we look like now? Do I still have short hair? Do I still look gay?

15. Can we crochet with greater experience?

16. What’s your biggest worry?

17. Are you happy?

Thank you for reading this!! Respond to my questions soon. Goodbye! I will always be within you.

Sincerely, Angelica

____________________________________________________________

REPLY:

Hi Baby Angelica!

Since you're from the past, I have so so so much to catch you up on. Time flies by when you're consistently stressed out. But don't worry! I will answer your millions of questions first! Then we can actually discuss :)

1. What is our plan after graduating Highschool? What college are we going to?

A: We are doing Computer Engineering! After hours and hours of research, I wanted you to have opportunities in both the computer science and electrical engineering fields. I want you to have a lot of pathways so you can have tons of money and opportunities! We are going to UT Dallas. We got CAPPED from UT Austin and UW-Seattle was way out of our budget sadly. Maybe someday my love :(

2. Did we end up submitting any of our SAT/ACT scores?

A: Hell no, they were too low LMFAO

3. What’s your favorite song currently?

A: Talk by Beabadoobee, Antihero by Taylor Swift, any MSI song

4. Are we still dating Ben?

A: Yes <3

5. Did we make any new friends?

A: YES! We aren't friends with.. those girl(s) anymore. They were bad for you. WE HAVE MORE GENUINE AND KIND FRIENDS!! There is a whole world out there waiting for you. I love my friends.

6. What is your college essay about?

A: Bugs. In the UT Austin essays, we wrote about photography, allergies, tamagotchis, etc.

7. What made us stronger?

A: Learning to adapt, spreading love, reading people, putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations in order to grow. Being with likeminded people!

8. How was senior year? Was it any easier taking AP classes? Do we understand pre-calc?

A: PRE CAL WAS MY MOST HATED SUBJECT. It is so fricking hard I dont think I ever understood the concepts. The AP Classes had lots of work in it but you managed your time fine and it was never that serious anyways (except AP 2D art) that sucked a lot. Senior year was shit im not even gonna lie. I didn't even attend like 98% of the events LOL. Fuck no I am not going back!

9. Do we still want to take comp sci?'

A: Computer Engineering babe dont sweat it

10. What happened to your H‑E‑B job?

A: OUR LAST DAY WAS TODAYYYYYYYY

11. Did we get any stoles/cords for graduation or not?

A: One stole for NHS, one stole for DUDU CREDIT!

12. What was our final Highschool GPA?

A: 4.6/6.0 LMFAOOO

13. What’s our class schedule?

A: -1st period: Late Arrival (Used to be Photography 4)

A: -2nd: AP Art History

A: -3rd: Photojournalism/Office Aide

A: -4th: AP Psychology/Interpersonal Studies

A: -5th: AP 2D Art

A: -6th: AP Pre-Cal (idk how u survived but girl... never again)

A: -7th: Early Release

14. What do we look like now? Do I still have short hair? Do I still look gay?

A: You got the short hair back and we still look gay asf. We have new pink glasses though and they're see through! We still have bangs. Shit load of stretch marks though smh. Im like 115 pounds now.

15. Can we crochet with greater experience?

A: fuck no

16. What’s your biggest worry?

A: If my roommates will like me, I'll feel lonelier, money, If ill be smart enough for college, if my friends now will still want to hang out with me :(

17. Are you happy?

A: I could be happier but I am okay! Not stressed right now :)

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