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chr0macide · 2 months

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Orientation Day

posting two things one day wow im on fire

i kinda wanted to write a lil bit about magdalena but this fic ended up being more about purge university and shes kinda just there lol. i didn't put anything about her time in college while i was making her intro post cause i was lazy. i said she made no friends but maybe that was cap, she did meet markus there.

this shows a little bit about what i think purge university is like. it wouldn't be the same for every student but this is more or less what i think it would be like for the impoverished attendee. i write this fanfic as if break in happens in the "real(ish) world" instead of roblox so stuff has to be different. and yeah this is canon to the rest of the fic unless i start feeling like something conflicts with game canon too much.

also im seeing people with like 100 ocs when it took 100% of my power just to make this single one, lmao how are you guys doing that 😂

alright this is like 3300 words divided into 2 chapters les goooo

Chapter I – Ticket to Nowhere

“Purge University, huh? You excited?” asked the taximan.

The girl did not reply. He looked at her in the rear-view mirror and pouted when she simply lay her head against the window. Nobody waved goodbye to her.

Magdalena was the first one in her family to attend college at all—not that her relatives appreciated that—but she had thought she was finally about to leave this decaying urban hellscape. And yet, every request she’d sent to every collegiate and federal financial aid office had returned the same response to her. Denied. Denied. Denied.

It didn’t make any sense. Much to the disdain of her parents, she had studied until the dregs of coffee had long since dried into a rock-hard crust at the bottom of her cup, lest she be stuck in this slum forever, so why was she still here?

The taxi meandered through the streets and over a pothole. There were plenty of those in Magdalena’s neighborhood. She pinched the bridge of her nose as the motion briefly jerked her out of her brooding.

“Sorry. Wherever our taxes are going, it’s not towards the roads,” the driver chuckled. Magdalena rolled her vacant eyes. Everyone knew where the city’s coffers were going. Straight into the pockets of one of the local mafia dons… but maybe she ought not to complain. It was thanks to one of them that Magdalena was going to college at all, although the interest rate on her loan was horrendous and it came with the stipulation that she attended Purge University. Tuition was exorbitant there, not to mention that the place was notoriously corrupt. While Magdalena would admit it was preferable to living in a leaky trailer for the rest of her life, she would rather have gone literally anywhere else. She should have been anywhere else, the girl seethed inwardly. There was nothing she could do about the situation now, but the thoughts had kept intruding ever since she’d opened the acceptance letter.

The crumbling structures in her district became less dilapidated as the car approached the university. The college grounds rested on the boundary between the destitute and the affluent, so the buildings here looked like they actually might be livable on the inside.

The driver pulled into the parking lot outside the residence hall.

Well, some of the buildings looked like they might have been livable.

The driver ducked out of the car and removed Magdalena’s lone suitcase from the trunk. She put a few crumpled notes in his palm.

“Let me help you carry your-”

“No,” Magdelana cut him off.

The taximan looked at her for a moment longer, but she was already walking away, so he shrugged as he got back into his car and drove off.

Magdalena swiped her identification card. The scanner beeped. She pushed the door open and stepped inside, not really minding the odor of mildew. Her home didn’t smell too different.

“You don’t gotta use your card. The lock doesn’t work,” said a nearby voice with a slight accent. There was a burly student sprawled across an entire sofa in the lobby. Magdalena guessed by the color of his ID lanyard that he was a sophomore. She made a sound of acknowledgement and made her way to the front desk, but there was nobody there.

“The receptionist went on break. Beer?” offered the student.

“I’m underage.”

“Nobody in here gives a shit, believe me,” he said as he tossed her a can from the 6-pack on the end table. She caught it in her hand and stared at it for a second.

The student gave her an odd look. “What? Never drank before?”

It wasn’t that. Magdalena had booze a few times when her family’s water had been cut off. Her parents didn’t keep much else in the fridge. Magdalena popped the tab open and took a sip as another student came down the stairs.

“Where’s the RA?” the newcomer demanded.

The sophomore craned his neck to see who had just shown up. “Oh, hey, Isaiah. I think he’s out back. Why?”

“My roommate ripped the fucking sink out of the—is that my beer? I just fucking bought that!”

“Relax, man. I was gonna pay you back.”

Magdalena placed her can on the reception desk sheepishly, but Isaiah wasn’t paying attention to her.

“Like hell you were,” snapped Isaiah as he grabbed the remainder of the 6-pack off the table and stormed out of the lounge.

The lingering student took another swig. “Sheesh. I’d like to tell you he’s not always so bitchy, but… heh.”

The door behind the front desk finally swung open. “ID?” requested the receptionist. The lady didn’t glance twice at the can on the counter as Magdalena handed her card over. She didn’t know whether to be glad for that or concerned that this hall had such lax restrictions.

The receptionist passed a key to Magdalena along with her ID. “Room 217,” she told the girl.

“Hey, we’re roommates,” the sophomore piped up. He chugged the rest of his beer. “I’ll show you where our dorm is.”

Magdalena started towards the elevator as he stood up. His orange hair almost brushed one of the light fixtures hanging from the ceiling.

“The elevator doesn’t work, either,” he advised her.

Magdalena sighed. “Of course it doesn’t.”

The student lifted Magdalena’s luggage with one hand and carried it up the stairs for her. “Name’s Markus, by the way.”

“Magdalena.”

“I haven’t seen you before. You a freshman?”

She nodded

Markus set her suitcase down in front of their dorm. The smell of cigarette smoke clung to the discolored runner. Their neighbor’s door was open. Magdalena could hear pressurized water spouting out from somewhere inside, but Markus didn’t seem to notice as he unlocked their own dorm. “Sorry about the mess. Old roommate left most of his stuff behind.”

Notebooks and stationery were strewn across the desk. There was a backpack and a large folder on the ground underneath it. Even a laptop was still resting on the nightstand. Magdalena’s side of the room looked as if someone else still lived here.

“Did he graduate?” the girl asked.

Markus’s expression hardened abruptly. “No.”

He didn’t elaborate, but his tone warned her not to probe any further. “But they assigned me a new roommate,” he said, gesturing at Magdalena, “so I doubt he’s coming back. I guess you can keep some of his junk if you want. I’ll throw the rest of it out tomorrow.”

If Markus was reluctant to speak of him, it wasn’t hard to deduce what might have happened to the last tenant. Perhaps Markus’s roomie pissed off one of the mob’s higher-ups. Those who talked about it out loud too often were prone to disappearing, but most people knew Purge University doubled as a front for organized crime. Too bad for him, but Magdalena wasn’t one to turn down free stuff.

She moved to the nightstand and opened the laptop. It was greasy. Magdalena wiped her fingers on her coat. There was a password, but she was sure the IT department could deal with that.

“Huh. Almost didn’t think it would turn on,” Markus remarked. Yeah, the thing was pretty ancient. The fan sounded like it was on its last legs and there was duct tape over a corner where the plastic exterior had cracked. “You actually want that old thing?”

“I don’t have my own,” Magdalena told him. Markus’s eyebrows crept up.

“You made it all the way to undergrad with no laptop?”

“Not everyone is rich.”

“No shit. That’s why we’re here,” Markus japed, but it was plain that Magdalena didn’t come from money. Her attire was somewhat ill-fitting. Her luggage didn’t weigh anything, and neither did she, by the looks of her. “For real, though, how did you get anything done?”

Magdalena didn’t answer. She shut the laptop and commenced unpacking her suitcase, but there wasn’t a lot to unpack. With nothing else to do, Markus booted up his own computer. “Quiet type, huh?”

The girl produced a annoyed huff from the back of her throat as she moved the presumably dead guy’s clothes aside and hung up her own in the closet.

“Hey, we’re gonna be stuck with each other for a while. I was just trying to get to know you better. Don’t make shit awkward,” Markus muttered.

Magdalena murmured something unintelligible under her breath—probably an insult—but she humored him. “Used the library computers. Checked out some textbooks when I had to be a home.” She practically lived at the city library, though the administrators eventually put a limit on how long unaccompanied children were allowed to be there each day. The bigwigs had decided they didn’t want street urchins ruining the scenery.

“Sounds like a lot of work for… uh… what’s your major?”

“Mechanical engineering and biotech.”

“Oh, a smart kid? I would’ve taken your lunch money back in the day,” Markus kidded. Magdalena glared at him. “Ha. Sorry. Bad joke. I’m a business major.”

The girl gave him a once-over. “Figures.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Magdalena was silent again as she returned her attention to her suitcase. Markus stuck out his lower lip childishly and turned to his laptop. They both heard a pool of water making its way out of the next dorm and flowing through the corridor outside.

“Does that sort of thing happen often?” Magdalena asked.

“You get used to it.”

Chapter II – Spontaneous Expulsion

“And for those of you who have science classes this year, this is Gearwise Hall,” the campus tour guide introduced.

The freshmen looked up at the building’s hypermodern exterior. Someone had to be power washing those walls on the regular. Magdalena saw through the windows that there was even a sculpture of a DNA strand suspended from the rafters. It wasn’t hard to tell that they were in the rich kids’ part of the university. It was either that or mafia territory. She was seeing a lot of bowties and pinstriped suits.

The guide hauled one of the double doors open and ushered everyone inside. “There are a few students making up an exam, so try to be quiet,” he said in a low voice.

The interior was just as blindingly white as the façade. “Here’s the common area,” the guide told them as he led them across the rounded foyer and into an adjoining room. There were a few students sitting at the tables and poring over their books, getting a head start on studying, Magdalena supposed. The room opened into a terrace whose style was much more gothic than the building itself. It must have been there before the hall was built. It actually looked nice, Magdalena thought, but she noticed the students outside casting unpleasant glares at a student wearing a faded, wrinkled t-shirt. A few of them soon stood up and began hassling the kid until he grabbed his things and left.

Maybe Magdalena’s kind wasn’t welcome at this particular spot.

The guide led them past the many lecture halls and up the stairwell at the end of the corridor. “Freshmen usually only have classes on the first floor, and we’re running out of time, so we’re gonna skip the rest of this place. I need to take you guys to Purge Hall.”

The group mumbled various grievances, but the guide shook her his as they reached the second floor. “Bear with me, guys. Everyone has classes in Purge Hall sooner or later, and it’s really important that you don’t get lost in there and wander somewhere off-limits. Really, really important.” He opened the exit to escort the gathering across the bridge and into the adjacent building.

Magdalena didn’t know what she’d expected, but it didn’t look that different from the other buildings around this here. It was a lot emptier, though, and her footsteps echoed conspicuously. In fact, she couldn’t see anybody else except for the tour group. Magdalena peered over the edge of the entresol. The ground floor was vacant as well.

She was startled by the sound of someone’s phone alarm. It was the end of a class period, it seemed, because students began trickling out of the lecture halls.

Most of them didn’t speak to each other at all. The ones that did were murmuring almost imperceptibly.

“First of all,” the guide began, “that is the Head—I mean, President Purge’s office.” He pointed at the imposing double doors at one end of the pathway. The fancily carved redwood stuck out like a sore thumb from the more contemporary architecture. “Don’t even go near it. And don’t go to any of the basement levels, either. If you’re in the elevator and somebody hits a button for a negative floor, just get out and wait for the… next one… uh…”

The guide faltered. There was a dull metallic clank ringing out from somewhere in the distance, but the sound was getting closer. “Don’t block the walkway, guys. Move up to the wall,” the guide urged, herding the troupe aside. The freshmen were puzzled, but they fanned out and stood against the wall, and Magdalena figured out why when as ground trembled ever so slightly.

A man threw the door open on the other end of the entresol and stepped inside. Well, not a man per se. His “skin” was rough and burnished like steel. Two more followed close behind. Magdalena had never seen the bosses in person before, as prolific as they were. She’d thought Markus was a giant, but these things made him look almost shrimpy.

The one at the head of the trio—Mr. Clockturn, it was—made his way towards the Headmaster’s office without so much as a passing glance at the students, even as they stared at him with wide eyes. His crowbar clinked against the floor as he walked and Magdalena could hear the ticking of his innards when he drew near.

The second one—the only woman; it must have been Miss Gearwise—spared them a smirk. Magdalena nearly had to shield her eyes. She blinked dark spots out of her vision. The light was dazzlingly bright when it glinted on the automaton’s gleaming golden exoskeleton.

The last one flashed smiled at the tour group almost affably, to Magdalena’s surprise. He even winked at one of the ladies. That was kind of gross, actually. He’d strolled off while Magdalena was trying to remember how much older he was than the college students, but his coppery luster denoted him as Mr. Cogsworth.

The university belonged to the mob, certainly, but Magdalena hadn’t expected the Headmaster’s underbosses to show up here so brazenly. Magdalena wondered for a moment why law enforcement had quit raiding this place, but she figured the mob had paid the police department off a long time ago. What would the cops do, anyway? Shoot an ironclad robot?

A cluster of students ahead of them scattered as the three approached. One of them had his back turned to the automatons, however, and he evidently didn’t get the memo. Mr. Clockturn hefted his crowbar. Magdalena looked away.

The student was already out cold when he toppled over the railing. Magdalena heard a loud crack. The people on the first floor shrieked. He hadn’t stuck the landing, apparently. The automata tittered as they peered over the barrier and continued into the Headmaster’s dwelling. It was too dark in the chamber for Magdalena to see much when Mr. Clockturn pushed the doors open, but she glimpsed President Purge’s luminous yellow eyes, corners crinkled as if he were smiling.

The tour guide waited until the doors were closed again before he finally resumed speaking. “I apologize you all had to see that. Y-you never know when those guys are gonna show up. Listen, they take it as, um, rudeness when you don’t move for them. Just-”

“They just fucking killed somebody!” one of the freshmen exploded, motioning vehemently at the spot where the student had fallen from.

The guide shushed the dissident. “There’s no need yell!” he said whispered harshly as he glanced at the office uneasily. “Seriously. You don’t want those things to come back out here right now. As I was saying, that kind of thing won’t happen to you as long as you stay out of their way.”

The guide was clearly trying to remain collected, but to no avail. He fidgeted with the lanyard around his neck as he did a silent headcount of the tour group.

“Let’s just move on to the next building. Most of you don’t have courses here this year anyway.”

He hastily steered the tour group through the entrance where the automata had come in from, and the remainder of the outing passed by in a blur.

Markus looked up from his laptop when he heard the dorm door unlock. Magdalena walked in and dropped her backpack next to her desk. It sagged on the floor glumly.

“Fun tour?” her roommate asked. No response, but he was getting used to it quickly.

He put down the beer he’d been nursing. Drinking in the morning? Magdalena didn’t blame him. She couldn’t think of many reasons for people to stay sober around here. “Aw, I’m just messing around. Someone posted the vid already,” Markus told her, gesturing at his screen. A video of the student splattering against the vinyl tiles played on loop.

“Does that sort of thing also happen often?” Magdalena questioned.

Markus scrolled away from the post before speaking. “Guess that depends on what you mean by often.”

Magdalena stared at him.

“Come on. The Darwin Award is a thing everywhere. Don’t look at me like that,” Markus said.

“This is how I always look.”

“Oh.” He perhaps should have figured that out already. Magdalena was wearing that catatonic expression in the murder video as well. “Well. You saw those guys. The bosses, I mean. You’d have to be pretty stupid to stand where they’re walking, right? That’s, like, natural reflection, or some shit.”

“Natural selection.”

“Yeah. That. Whatever.”

Magdalena collapsed onto her bed and let out a sigh. Markus rested his face on his hand as he observed her through lidded eyes. There was a small smile of amusement on his lips. “Don’t tell me you’re already tapped out. You didn’t even know the guy.”

It wasn’t just the impromptu homicide. It was everything. Magdalena watched a roach as it crept down the cracked drywall. “Maybe I should have gone for an online degree. This university is shit.”

Markus drank to that. “This entire city is shit, babe,” he laughed. “I guess that means you thought you were gonna move away for college…?”

The cockroach made it to the window and squeezed through a gap in the frame, scrambling away to freedom.

Magdalena sighed again. “Yeah.”

“No need to give up just yet. I knew a few graduates who scraped up enough cash to leave.”

“I can’t move away. I owe money to the mob.”

“Oh… yeah, nevermind. You’re fucked.”

“Thanks.”

Markus laughed again. He crushed the empty can in his hand and pitched it at the waste basket. “Nah, you’ll be fine. Maybe. You want some advice from a guy who’s had to deal with this place for a while?”

“Shoot.”

His face grew serious. “Worry about yourself. Not morons flying over guardrails and shit-talkers going missing at night,” he warned Magdalena, looking pointedly at his old cotenant’s belongings. He’d said he’d toss them, but it was starting to seem like Magdalena would have to do it. “No one’s gonna cover your ass for you. We’ve all got our own problems going on, you know? And people who stick their noses in other people’s business don’t last that long.”

What reassuring counsel. “I’ll keep it in mind,” Magdalena replied blandly.

The girl rolled over in her bed. Markus’s eyes drifted back to his laptop screen. They didn’t say another word to each other until classes began.

#roblox break in #break in roblox #roblox #break in 2 #break in oc

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the-hornedwitch · 12 days

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Utinam Ne Illum Numquam Conspexissem

Part Four: No Good no Bad, only consequences.

AN: Again, what I write and talk about is strictly my experience, from my perspective. I know what the books say or do not say, they aren't always right. Take what I say with a grain of salt, or what resonates with you.

As I've stated in previous posts, I started noticing media, posts, and music related to Lucifer. The pagan woman in me, took notice. The girl who believed in magic and the gods got excited. So, I did that little makeshift candle ritual, and like I said prior. He showed up. What I haven't talked about, or tried to in the most convoluted way, is how He lingered.

Due to various things, such as memory and perhaps fear of being called crazy, I've held back. A great deal of it has to do with putting my experiences into words. Most of my life, my spiritual experiences were shunned or waved off. Plus, I often question my own sanity, and do not want to come off as one of those nut cases that sees signs and synchronicities in every little thing. That being said, back to Lucifer.

He lingered, I had dreams (which i've talked about before) I often felt like i was being watched, especially at work. He continued to pop up in my algorithm, friends would bring Him up in conversation, I felt compelled to put His sigil on my car. I got sucked into that silly CW turned Netflix show. I started greeting the dawn for no particular reason, other than The Baphomet Codex had said He liked early morning ritual. Fellow satanists on Instagram shared information on Him, and spoke of rituals they'd done. I was enamored. Then He said Hello and I lost my ever loving shit. Which If You've been following my previous posts, is right where I left off last time.

Yes, He said Hello. Gulp Nah, wishful thinking. Yep.

I honestly can't remember much after that, covid happened, we went into lock down, I still did my rituals, my husband and I started hating each other. It's all a blur. I felt myself slipping back into that unhealthy woman I had been years ago. Lots of arguments and rage occurred. I wanted My husband gone and far away from me. When my husband eventually left, I felt some relief and freedom, but my life became very confusing. I started having break downs. I felt awful, and I slowly started to realize, after discussing a few incidents with outside people, (My Therapist, trusted family, and friends) that I had been in a rather toxic and possibly abusive relationship. The last few years flashed across my third eye, like a PowerPoint presentation. All the red flags I had ignored, all the boundaries I let get crossed, the disrespect I let slide. All the while Lucifer sat in the background, legs propped on a desk, (He likes to present human) clicking away at slides. “You have a listing problem Sweetheart” Click “Gave you plenty of opportunities” Click “Shined My light on the subject” Click “But you don't fucking listen do you, little girl?”

He likes to make His point.

As I worked through the emotions, and consequences of my decisions. I sat in the Void and came face to face with all the parts of myself, I resented and hated. He stayed and listened. Pointed out the things I did not want to hear but did so in the most supportive and loving way. As my soul broke, He held me close. Whispered firm words of understanding and support. There came a point, however my rage surfaced, and I lashed out. Shut myself off from Him and refused to listen. My tantrum was answered with a very hard smack from the cosmic belt.

The thing about Lucifer, that I feel many overlook, or do not understand, is His capability, and talent at intervening with the material and mundane world. As other practitioners will share, our Dark Lords have offices. Lord Lucifer, being a Crowned Prince, has reign over many realms and Offices. Being both a Dark Lord, and Angelic Being, His power is immense and profound. His will is simply that, His. He will enact His will as He sees fit, and when He damn well feels like it. He does not answer to the magician or practitioner, you do not command Him. He is the one in “charge.” And there I was, a simple human, whom He had called priestess, having a five-year-old level tantrum. Because I was mad that my life was falling apart, that I wasn't getting what I wanted, as quickly as I wanted. Boo Hoo.

After one intense emotional break down, followed by a "string of this is so unfair". I was searching for a meditation track to calm down. I believe I had looked up binaural beats, which I had gotten into at the time. As I scrolled, I found something that caught my full attention. A hypnosis track, one with His name in the title. So, Click I went. The voice I was introduced to hit all the right notes. (I have an awful attraction to how men speak.) I soon found the Hypnotists page and Patreon. All geared towards various fantasy, with many BDSM themed tones, coupled with meditation tracks. It is rather delightful. I am very familiar with what hypnosis is and isn't.

After a few days, to a week of actively listening. (I binged ok) My meditations with Lucifer changed. His presence became more prominent, there were a few instances I was touched (Sensually, grabbed, and pushed). Trance became easier and easier to fall into, without the assistance of cannabis or alcohol. There were times I would be in the kitchen listening to music doing dishes, and there'd I go, straight into the ether. stuck between a strange half-awake half asleep, and He'd be there. I awoke at night from extremely erotic dreams that left me wanting. I started questioning my reality again, not sure if it was the Hypnotist or Lucifer. I panicked, was very rude to the Hypnotist for not being able to answer my questions and lost myself in the sauce of psychic awakening.

Brain fried, emotions raw and soul torn open, Lord Lucifer stood over me and patiently asked, if I was "done, and have you learned how to behave?" Our relationship continued in that manner for a while. I was pushed to the edge of the void again, and again. Made to look at all the things I hated about myself. (He truly is amazing at alchemy and transmutation.) I'd go between hypnosis and meditation, going deeper within myself as much as I could. There were a few times I lost myself and broke in ways I didn't know where possible. However, Lucifer was there every step, even when I couldn't “feel” or hear Him.

The word surrender frequented my thoughts, meditations, hypnosis, and social media algorithm. (I try not to trust the algorithm, sometimes though) I approached Lucifer during our morning conference, asking why the word continued to present itself. His answer was like everything else He ever tells me. Double meaning laced with undertones. “You're a smart girl, you'll get it”. Yes, He makes you do the work and assigns the most grueling homework at times.

I eventually figured it out and it took moving from my home in California, to Arizona. It gets better, I moved to Arizona, on a “whim” to a man's house, that I had never met, and only talked to for a few months. Crazy, I know. The thing is this man understood. He knew of Lucifer, He knew Lilith, Sammeal, Hekate, Leviathan, and the other Seventy-two Lords of Hell. In ways I had never known anyone outside of myself. We had a connection, that neither of us could really pinpoint or deny. As life on the Left Hand Path proves to me time and time again, nothing ever works out exactly as you plan. It's the nature of this reality, from chaos comes order, and vice versa. There are lessons to learn, and as I said before, Lucifer loves to make His point.

There are behaviors and choices I tend to make in regard to men. Most are not the best choices, nor the healthiest choices. And while my friend is a rather decent man, our initial concept of our "relationship" wasn't what we had anticipated. Plus, Lucifer likes to make a point, and He did so with both of us. Humbled and shock up my friend in his dreams, while making it very fucking clear, WHOM I "Belonged" to. (A story for another time perhaps)

I broke, I cursed Him, yelled at Him, said I hated Him (No you don't sweetheart) “You are the Devil, and I should have never trusted you” Screamed from my soul more than once. Much like before I was taught yet another lesson in regard to respect and gratitude. This time Asmodeus paid me a visit. Still took me time to work through my frustration and anger. Then it all just clicked, like it often does. I had been searching, yearning for something deep and meaningful. I looked for it, behind doors that lead me to heartache and pain. I went into a lifestyle looking for it, gave sacred parts of myself to men who were not worthy of it. Who couldn't comprehend what I was or offered. “Desire leads to surrender; surrender leads to power” yes i know thank you Jared Leto. I surrendered to Lord Lucifer in ways, ancient Priestess did to their Gods. In the way a submissive surrender to their Dom, “Lucifer take the wheel”. I had done this long before realizing it. In ways I hadn't noticed. Through my rituals, my words, my actions, how I honored Him in meditation, how I approached Him in conference. I instinctively gave into Him, followed, and listened (Still working on it). Gave my mind, body and soul to Him. Promised myself to Him, Devoted myself to Him. (As I type this, I continue to have the neatest little synchronicities through the music I have playing.) All the “bad” things that happened were simply the consequences of my actions, or lack of. Yet at the end of it all He was always there, to pick me up, dust me off and set me back on course. His love can come off as cruel, but Their love is beyond our human understanding.

I hid from the title of Priestess; thought I was undeserving of it. thought I was undeserving of His love, attention, and adoration. As I've sat and gone over my experiences these past five years with Him, as I allowed my thoughts and feelings flow into this writing, I've come to accept this. I may not have a church (I do have a discord) or be some high magician with a grand following. I am His Priestess; I see and Love Him for all that He is. Angel, Dark Lord, sadistic asshole, Devil, all of it. Call me crazy, call me a liar, call me delusional, I probably am. At least I accept and know where I stand now. I know who I am.

#left hand path #theistic satanism #witchcraft

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evita-shelby · 4 months

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12 Days of Smuff: Day 10

Day 10: Bed sharing + accidental stimulation.

Robert Fischer (Inception) x Eva Smith

Cw: dry humping, mentions of a blighted ovum/miscarriage, angst, some smut

It had been a bad idea.

In a moment of vulnerability, Eva had asked him to stay with her and he had.

Robert had offered to stay in the guest room or sleep on the floor, but Eva had shaken her head and asked him to sleep with her.

There was too much history between them for this to work. He couldn’t forget her no matter how much he tried and she couldn’t move on because their last night together resulted in the worst case scenario.

Had anyone told him he’d be here holding her because they’d have to see a doctor for an embryo that didn’t form, Robert would’ve siced security on them.

But here he was holding his ex girlfriend who used him to keep her company above the water because tomorrow they’ll pretend nothing ever happened and go their separate ways.

“I was wondering where my pajamas went.” The Fischer Morrow heir comments as tried his best to remember they were over and the sex they had last week was merely a fluke.

“I had intended to give them back, but then I remembered you still have some of my panties and I thought they were worth about the same, in sentimental value at least.” The dark haired woman moved slightly as she got comfortable and he pretends he’s fine when her ass brushed against his dick.

“Sorry.” She said before moving away to prevent it from happening again, but it would once Eva fell asleep.

“Don’t apologize, remember when I was high on painkillers after my surgery?” Rob would be lying if he didn’t miss all those times they’d cuddle and end up fucking because the accidental stimulation was enough to drive him fucking insane.

So many times where she’d rub against him ---on purpose as well as in her sleep--- and he’d be waking up rock hard and wanting nothing more than to fuck her good morning.

But they can’t do that, because after tomorrow it is over for good.

Or so they’ve been telling themselves this past week.

“Oh, how could I? You were like a very horny puppy most of the week.” She answered bemused. She’d been on edge all evening, terrified about tomorrow even if the procedure was rather simple and the doctor the best in California.

It was good for her to regain her usual good humor. Even it drudge up memories that had the both of them wanting to regain what they lost.

He wanted to, but he had agreed to her terms because he didn’t want to push. She’d used him and she didn’t feel worthy of him, and Robert has disappointed his father enough to know he’s a fucking dumbass when comes to love.

“Six weeks without sex was a nightmare for you too, Evie.” Robert pointed out and fought the urge to thrust his hips seeking out her ass to rut against it like a horny teenager.

“I missed you.” Evie admits and does something worse than grinding against him, she seeks out his hand and holds it like she used to do when she was troubled.

“I missed you too.” Robert admits as he interlaced his fingers with hers and held her tightly.

“I know I said I didn’t want us to give us another try ,but ---” she stops herself fighting with the proud part of her that thinks she knows what’s best for the both of them.

“A do over would be nice. Once you’re recovered, if you need time to come around to it.” He doesn’t let her change her mind and once again considered not going to Sydney this week.

He didn’t need to think about it, he’s had plenty of time this week. Robert had wanted his pound of flesh that day at her office, but then he ended up looking forward to seeing her each evening. Even as ‘friends’ he couldn’t imagine a better person to share his life with.

“No dream sharing this time.” Eva sets a new boundary, one he doesn’t pretend to agree with…for now.

“Agreed.”

This time he is the one rubbing his growing erection against her ass and this time they don’t stop doing it. Between her presence and knowing there’s still hope for them, Robert can’t seem to get himself under control.

Never been good at self-control, anyways.

“Doctor didn’t say anything about not having sex before the procedure, you know.” She supplies as a sigh escapes her lips.

“We don’t have to do it, Evie.” He protests half embarrassed at their predicament. The other half of him is letting his ex girlfriend ---or just girlfriend since its inevitable that they’ll be getting back together by morning--- take his hand under her shirt and very obediently playing with her tits.

That time last week in the dining room had been a frantic fuck, of thinking that just one last time would be enough. Right now it was knowing that desire won’t go away and why the should they deny themselves something they desperately needed.

“What I wanted you to fuck me, Robert?” such a crude question she said as he slid his free hand past the waistband of her sleeping shorts. “What if I told you the mere knowledge of feeling you like this has me thinking about all those times we fucked until I couldn’t remember my own name?"

And she wasn’t lying, her pussy was wet and hot as his fingers toyed with it.

“Then I’d say your wish is my command.” His father was right in being disappointed with him, Robert could never live without Eva and this week had only proven it.

Robert’s hand leaves her chest and with ease he freed his aching cock from its confines as he entered her from behind with a groan.

No woman had been able to satisfy him like she did, and now he knows no one ever will.

He rocks against her, takes his time seeking ti make the night last as long as possible. Knowing Eva she may change her mind by the time the sun rose.

But for tonight, he is hers, she is his and nothing exists beyond the moment.

“Did you try to forget me like I did?” he asks thinking how she’d pretended not to care that his latest conquest had kept calling last week.

“No, didn’t want to.” She shook her head as he reminded her no other person could ever make feel like this.

They were made for each other, if such a thing existed. As if they had always been lifetimes ago.

He didn’t believe in soulmates, but she did.

“Then why fight it, why push me away, Evie?” he asks and clenched beautifully around his cock and Robert thanked his lucky stars there was no need for caution tonight.

“I don’t want to hurt you again.” The brunette answered as she lost herself to the pleasure.

As much as he wanted to make it last, it isn’t long before he takes her over the edge with him.

He doesn’t let go of her, not yet. “You won’t hurt me, I’m not as fragile as you think, sweetheart.”

#eva smith shelby #robert fischer x oc #eva x robert #evacore #12 days of smuff

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draiochteve · 1 year

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A personal update post?

I’m doing a throwback here doing an update personal blog post. Kinda nostalgic doing this again after all this time away from tumblr, but I think it’s good to bring these thoughts into more of a public existence for historic sake. This existed and witnesses saw it. If you follow me on tumblr, a lot of this will be repeats with extra details and rambling, but there will be some new. Life is taking another shift. I’ve been hired back where I once worked, but now under sales until I get shifted to office management. How do I feel about it? Lukewarm. The money is always nice and this time the job isn’t destroying me physically. Mentally? Up in the air. Dealing with entitled customers and my anxiety with it all is a lot, but I am hoping with time I’ll adjust like it’s nothing. And with the end goal being no longer in sales, but desk work management type stuff, I’ll suffer it. It’s clear I’m heavily needed and wanted so I’m considered of value. Thankfully, I’ve learned to throw that around for leverage to set boundaries and so far they are being respected. Fingers crossed. The days are counting down until my wedding to my partner of 8 years. September 30th of next year and he’ll be living here by August at the latest. I still feel guilty dragging him out across the country to start our lives proper, but with all the circumstances, this is the best shot we have to finally getting me out of this shitty state and away from all my family. Am I taking advantage of the low ass rent and the goodwill of my family to get the best shot I have to get the best slingshot away from them I can? Yes. And while I know it’ll cause a shitshow when all gets revealed, after all they’ve put me through I consider this repayment. So where am I creatively? The best way to describe it is semi-dormant. It’s all there, lying underneath sediment of depression, exhaustion, and suffocation from my environment and my own fuck ups. I’ve self-sabotaged knowingly and unknowingly which paired with all my usual has really fucked me over. But I’ve making some changes to fuel my creativity and hopefully bear fruit once the holidays pass. For starters, I’m abandoning all word counting. When my therapist initially suggested it, she was trying to get me to see how every little bit I did contributed and meant something. And she wanted me to recognize just how much I was creating that I myself discounted. It’s helped me recognize just the sheer volume I’ve written since diving back into fic and that is something to be proud of. However, that has transformed from recognition of my hard work to competing with myself. I began beating myself up for not reaching arbitrary goals and forced myself to write a lot that I wasn’t happy with just to meet numbers. And for some people that works, but not for me. So instead, I’ve invested in a secure journal with a padlock and have begun tracking ideas instead that I wish to bring to life in some way. Stories exist in as many or as few words as they need. No word count can reasonably predict that that will be. I’ve begun working on the journal slowly, filling it with concepts and ideas I plan to write and ones I already have because it’s important to recognize my accomplishments. I have published a lot and I should be proud of that. There’s over 32 JaphRaha stories I intend to tell and well over 20+ more for other pairings, fandoms, characters, etc even if just one offs to fill a void for myself in regards to content. (I’m not going to lie, the bulk are pegging femdom fics. I’m sorry but too many characters out there deserve a good railing via the strap and NO ONE ELSE IS DOING IT so I suppose it falls to me.) Perhaps in a future post I’ll post pictures of my pages and plans, but most likely not. Just know they are plentiful and many I have yet to speak to others besides ramble’s in friend’s DMs. I have many years of my life left in me and these will be part of my legacy. Slowly but surely, they will come. And following the train of thought about legacies and leaving something for the world, I’ve been pondering greatly again about all my original fiction. I keep it under lock and key because they are born purely from myself and my experiences, but there will come a time I need to bring them to life. I’ve felt more confident and sure of myself about it than I have in years. There’s a clear desire for what I write and what I intend to make. Will I self publish? I’m not sure. A lot of the publishing world is fucked especially when it comes to sapphic stories which is a chunk of what I’m working on. Dare I brave it? I might be stubborn enough to bash some agents over the head about it, but otherwise I’m okay self publishing. Gotta think up a pen name though. Who should I be? What kind of enigmatic author will I become to the masses? Whoever I am, I’m sure y’all will be able to spot me like a volcano in the sea. Still working on mastering bookbinding for my own selfish desires binding my favorite fics, rebinding my fav books, and possibly binding my own stories. I still plan to make a zine once I’m settled and moved out and have finished the remaining pre 5.3 stories I have on my priority list. About 5 more to go? Plus a planned bonus story for the zine. Part of the project is also rewriting/re-editing some of my older JaphRaha fics so I’ll need to take some time for that. Otherwise, I’m looking forward to FINALLY doing that passion project and having it in my hands. Don’t worry, everything will be uploaded to Ao3 in a single multichaptered work eventually. But I still love the idea of it existing in the physical realm. The next year is going to be a big change for me. And it will end with me finally out of my parent’s house and away from a lot of the shit I get subjected to. Following it, I’m suppose to undergo a lot of new evaluations from my doctor and a psychiatrist (been putting it off until I’m out of here bc ofc my depression is through the roof atm) and make some plans to go from there. It’s scary, but maybe I’ll finally get proper answers. Idk how much I’ll change as a person being away as well. A lot of unknowns that I should have known a long time ago. So, here’s to the future. To the friends I’ve made and still keep near and dear who support me and my ridiculous JaphRaha rambles in their DMs. To new readers and old that I’m grateful are listening to me in the void. To bettering myself and finally getting some wiggle room to grow bigger than I ever thought possible. A lot of you have been here with my struggles and triumphs. And I hope to make everyone proud that I’ve finally escaped and am thriving. One step at a time. And every step is worth it.

#draiocht rambles #personal

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rhaenyras · 8 months

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How do you deal with unaccountable/unjustified cruelty towards you ? Like most people, I’ve lived through some bad times and have had pleeeeenty of people be mean to me, but generally as an adult, especially in the last few years, I do all right managing social situations & protecting myself, so I can safely disengage or accept the shitty stuff until the feelings dissipate. Also, I try really, really hard to be genuine and kind to everyone, no matter what, and am relatively naive, so that helps limit bad interactions to some extent.

But earlier this year, I was trapped in a situation with a boss (they had power over me, so I couldn’t leave) and was stuck listening to them hammer at me relentlessly with cruel, personal insults (my union wasn't willing to do anything because of work politics). My boss had teased out some misunderstandings and built them up in their head and let them fester until they felt the need to pull me into their office and scream really horrible things at me. They refused to let me defend myself and called me a liar every time I tried, basically begged, to explain where the misunderstandings must have come from, laughed at me when I asked them to stop yelling, threatened me over and over... I was full-bodied sobbing in front of them because I couldn’t understand how this could have happened, how someone I knew and trusted (at work ! not a shitty family member or abusive partner !) could snap and lose control like that at me. It was so so awful and terrifying.

An older friend, who is much more cynical than I am, pointed out afterwards that this is par for the course when you’re trying to be a nice and honest person; he tried to impress upon me the idea that if you are kind and passionate, you will inevitably & repeatedly encounter people who will harm you because they can do so without consequences. Because if you care about being kind, they know you won’t fight back. Because if you care about your work, you’ll do anything to keep doing it.

I have a really hard time with this perspective. Again, I’ve lived through plenty of horrifying things, no small number being directly related to injustice and prejudice, and I firmly believe that you don’t get the chance to opt out of suffering in life. I know that there are worse things that happen on vastly different scales. I also know vocational awe and abuse is a real issue in the arts and in helping professions, I made it my life’s work to help people who’ve suffered childhood trauma, as did my coworkers, but unfortunately the kind of people who run not-for-profits are rarely (if ever ?) decent people.

So I can’t stop thinking about this day, I quit my job, even though I was eventually able to calm my boss down, because I have boundaries when it comes to yelling at work, but the excessive degree of cruelty sticks in my mind. I can’t wrap my head around it because her behaviour feels so antithetical to anything I could ever even imagine doing to another person, especially in a workplace. I’m not obsessing over it, but this degree of meanness really sticks, you know ? As we get older and encounter more people like this, how do we keep our hearts open ? How do we make sense of cruelty when we have no way of fighting it or reasoning with it ? As we get older and get a better sense of how limited our power is in the world, how do we let go and move on without losing hope ?

i understand that you're a social worker? cruelty and bad situations/people are kinda part of the job, even when they're not strictly directed at you, i get that, but it seems to me that your employer kinda overstepped here. like. wtf. that's no way to settle a professional misunderstanding on the workplace, it will only exacerbate tensions and worsen the mood

i work in a consular office where we're just supposed to help people with their passports, make sure that their data stays updated in the population register etc. so what i do is not inherently controversial. and yet even i have had people who blamed me for how expensive the passport application is or stuff i have no control over. customers even took it out on me when THEY requested the new passport too close to the date of their flight and realised it would never be ready on time, so they were most definitely going to miss that flight. worst thing that's happened so far is a woman who basically came screaming in my face, claiming she had paid the whole 116€ for the passport, and that it should already be ready by then, but it wasn't... she insisted so much that she had paid the whole due amount, waving the receipt in my face when actually she only paid 16€ (the first handwritten 1 on the receipt had been mistaken for a / by the bank employee - whom she had me call on the phone under threat of legal repercussions - and i suspect this woman was in on the whole thing, she had intentionally written the 1 to make it look like a slash, and was now trying to intimidate me into giving her a brand new passport for less than half the price).

i was eventually able to calm her down and send her on her way, even though she was positively acting lunatic, (years of experience with my own bipolar mother), but then she came back on the one day that i work from home and found my superior there instead. needless to say that she had the cops called on her in a matter of seconds 😭😭😭

rationally i knew i did nothing to deserve that treatment, i knew i had done nothing wrong, i knew the mistake was not mine, but still. it pretty much ruined my day and i felt twice as tired when i got home that day. the uneasy feeling stayed with me a while, but it passed eventually. my superior met the crazy customer for herself and even gave me the direct number of the police station i should call in case she comes back and acts up again.

so, to answer your question... how do we deal with this stuff? in the moment, if you're not in a position to respond, then you try to calm them down, or simply avoid to engage so you dont fall for their trap. then you go on with your life, rant about it with someone you know will side with you, relax and stay away from the stressful person/situation as much as you can. possibly even consider looking for another job if you have that option, and then send in your two weeks notice once you know you can count on another job. i dont think there's anything else we can do. as you said, life demands to be lived at all costs and you can't really escape the unpleasantness. there's no vacation or silent mode or sick certificate that will keep you safe from it. only thing you can do is, fortify yourself against it and stay the same person you are now in spite of the general ugliness and cruelty

#ask #anon #anonymous

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jafartamam12 · 2 years

Text

Learning English (8)

Lesson From The Power of Habit

Alhamdulillah, today i must be grateful to Allah Swt who has given me plenty of blessing and savoring until I can savor and feel my life as enjoy as possible.

Today, i have read book for some pages. My book that I read is The Power of Habit that wrote by Charless Duhigg. I read from page 165-195, approximately 30 pages. In order to enhancing my quality life I obligated to my self to reading at least 30 pages per day, and Alhamdulillah this thing became my positive habit, I must to strive maintain and nurture this routine.

Today i learn about how we set our boundaries wisely and how a habit affect more to improving the companion (the writer insert Target Store story as supporter for this theory).

The first story depart from one moment that happened at King Cross Underground Station at London. This place is big place that serviced transportation in UK. All is being well until one day there is one incident, there is fire in location, there is tissue burnt. One of passenger tell to one of officer. But, because this officer didn't care about another field, he just turn off the burnt tissue without investigate deeply what motivated this burnt incident, because the instruction of work says each officer don't be busy to another field. Each of officer must make boundaries that no one permitted to violate him.

Unfrtunately, this fucking fire spread so quick and burn many place at this station and causing 31 people to pass away. After deep interogation, government found that the reason from this incident is each field officer at this station ignore for telling each other about passenger safety in common. There is big rule in this station wich state that each field must take care just for his field, no more than it, and with this rule the coordination between officer become messy and arise miscommunication.

The big lesson from this incident is we permitted to making boundaries to our neighbour or friend, but don't forget to make it simply and negoitable. The adjustment and improvement needed to embodi the best rule.

The second story comes from Target Store at US. Target store is a bog store wich provided all of necessary for people. For making sold out his product, he make a team wich obligated for them to learn about buyer habit, as specific as possible, for adjustment his product. He making consultant that expert and master at reading buyer habit and calculate and concept them for adjustment their necessary that they must buying the product.

The big lesson from this story is habit can learnt and made for some project that we harnesses it. Hihi. Because habit is like blind routine that one person, in many cases, unconsciously do their activities.

What's New From my Youtube Session?

In order to increase my English skill, I set my Youtube list that I must watch as productive as possible. My Youtube session is one day I obligated to my self for watching 6 videos per day, this videos consist of 2 videos from grammar lesson, 2 videos from english lesson and 2 videos from common issues. With this formula I wish it affect my skill more.

Ciputat, 07 Juni 2022

#LearningEnglish #EnglishLanguage #AmericanDream #AtomicHabits #OneStepCloser #DontBreakTheChain

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goobiegoobert · 2 years

Note

hey hey hey sunshine!! could i request general hcs or whatever you feel more comfortable doing for either glamrock freddy, sun/moon or monty? any of them is fine! i hope you gave a great day today, stay safe and warm and drink plenty of water<33 ^^

General Headcanons - GN Reader

-----------

A/N :

On my hands and knees rn, you're always free to request lovely!! I hope your day has been just as good tysm <3 Not sure if you meant relationship hc's or not so tell me if you wanted something different!

Not my best work but I think it's a good silly goofy start

-----------

Glamrock Freddy

- With the stylizing of the Pizzaplex don't doubt for a second that they'd use popular references according to the current theme, the second Freddy starts to malfunction their mechanic has set it so that he emits a pretty loud windows XP error noise.

- totally a running gag between the mechanics cannot tell me otherwise.

- with the extra alone time during the nightshift if nothing going on Freddy is often found picking up and doing their best to 'fix' little things here and there

- not very good but it's the little things that count!

- is the internal ticking clock for each person around despite the others already knowing what to do

- Just the dad instinct to make sure everyone's prepared for anything really,

- Truly it carries over to whenever they are around people such as you, if your schedule was shit you better buckle up because he won't let this go

- every single moment they're ticking off a checklist of care that he has a basic understanding of for you

- would totally stop if you ask, but let the guy do his job he's trying his best here :(

- can and will to sneak you into his friend's attractions if you don't have the required permissions

- need a moment to kick some snot-nosed brat's ass on Roxy Raceway?

- Best believe you're getting in that damn kart.

- the most empathetic one here and will respect your boundaries and is the type to wait around the outside of the restrooms just so you don't feel like your missing out on much!

- sadly feel out of everyone else he gives the most vibes of being the closest to a hetero you can get in the animatronics

Monty Gator

- Kindly go to therapy, I want the best for you please we all do.

- jokes aside, Monty is the key to boosting your ego whether you need one or not.

- nine times out of ten if you did something remotely cool he's the type to go off about it for weeks to the point even you get sick of it

- Monty reminds me too much of that guy from 10 things I hate about you

- He's started the time you two spent together as a one-off thing, thinking you won't be here forever and thinking it's just a fleeting moment

- Each time you kept coming back he just regretfully continued to play up his stage persona pushing you away.

- eventually you'd simply grown on Monty like algae, good luck getting out of this now

- out of all the animatronics he's honestly so queer coded

Sundrop

- Perfect beautiful, you're right. This is it this is the best one.

- If you don't think so then you're wrong Sunny is the epitome of boyfriend material

- Hell, even just best friend material???

- Somewhat gives me a Gretchen Wieners vibe?? but in the nicest way possible.

- I think he cries during every Disney movie at least once, it's like a quota to fill on his end with the kids during the daycares movie time

- Still is super caring, just man.

- You're sick?

- Sunny is picking you up and hunkering you over to the security office desk to simply look for something to help at least a little

- Has the best forms of coping tbh, like fingerpainting to let out your feelings? Yes, please.

- Covering life in glitter glue just to make it sparkle a little?

- Simply the therapist out of them all, it might not seem like it but is like the most trustworthy one here

- Would trust my drink to him and you should too.

Moondrop

- Not the best but if you know, you know.

- absolutely just a guy hanging out truly here to just do their job and is so tired of everyone's shit at this point

- the guy just wants you to go to sleep make his job a little easier man

- Spiked the refreshments at a workplace function purely for the hell of it

- Do not trust this man with your shit ever all of it will end up scattered in some horrid form of a scavenger hunt

- Moon's the type where you got to let him do his own thing and do as he asks and slowly they'd warm up to you!

- Doesn't do much physical affection if at all, but it's not that he hates it. It's more of the fact they've never had the gentle hand of an adult before

- in other terms of what they'd use as affection it's more to be assumed that they'd have the instincts of a crow and bring you random trinkets and bugs that makes them think of you

- Absolute bastard, I would not recommend you to in any form romanticize this man but between you and whatever higher power is out there. We all absolutely fell for this freakazoid

- everyone has and you are no summer child

- Drinks coffee black as their soul

#sunnydrop #fnaf security breach #moondrop #glamrock freddy #fnaf monty #monty gator #montgomery fnaf #x nonbinary reader #headcanon #general headcanons #lgbtq #how the fuck do i tag #girl help #mutuals #kady/kadi <3 #💾 . boo's spooks

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xpeachesncream · 3 years

Text

it takes two | one shot (myg)

summary: min yoongi was the one who came to understand you and took you for you. but, when boundaries start getting crossed and priorities begin to change, you start to question if your relationship with your bestfriend is strong enough to make it through.

pairing: athlete!reader x athlete!myg

genre: bestfriends to lovers au, basketball au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 12.3k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, protected AND unprotected sex (later on), slight breast play, oral (f. receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, missionary, riding/straddling, mentions of alcohol consumption, dancing, mention of marijuana, sex on the beach kinda?, some heavy angst, insecurities, crying, injuries (like a cut/ankle sprain), yoongi is just kind of an idiot at one point

note: heavily inspired by the movie love and basketball. unedited for the most part, pls excuse any spelling/grammar errors.

tags: @ggukkieland @miinoongi @bluesharksandfish @unicornbabylover

⏏︎ now playing: triggered - jhené aiko ; sorry enough - chris brown

First Quarter: 6th Grade

You didn't really have a lot of friends in elementary school. Any, actually. Hell, the girls in your class purposely ignored you because you acted different. Dressed different. Enjoyed the shit boys liked, like playing ball and video games. You couldn't relate to their gel pens, Lisa Frank folders, cute binder stickers and bracelet charms. None of that shit was you. But you didn't care, you were fine by yourself. Nobody to please, nobody to care for.

The only person that came to understand you was Min Yoongi and that's because you played basketball with him and his friends during daycare. At first, it came as a surprise because truthfully, you felt like Yoongi only let you play because he felt bad for you. Which, okay, whatever— so be it. But, after the last round during a game of two versus two, you found yourself on the ground, huge gash on the knee from chasing after the ball before it could go out of bounds.

"Ouch! Crap!" You groaned as you sat up and checked out your knee. Yoongi walks towards you and crouches down, examining the bloody gash.

"Come on." He says, holding out a hand to help lift you up. He swings your arm over his shoulder, already knowing that any sudden movements to your knee can make the wound sting. He takes his time and walks with you as you hop on one leg towards the office, not really saying much. Yoongi wasn't the most talkative in class. He hung out with two or three other boys in your class on the daily, but they were quiet. Weren't much troublemakers, didn't cause ruckus like the other boys did. But, he was still popular among the girls because he was a little cutiepie. You remember walking into the bathroom, hearing Angie and her friends tease her about her crush on Yoongi. Then, the following week, one of her friends also ended up crushing on Yoongi and they bickered [weirdly] in the bathroom about it.

Getting to the office, he sits you down on the bench before approaching the office admin to grab some bandaids and ice for you.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Min?" Mrs. Yao comes over to greet him.

"Y/N's hurt. Can I get a bag of ice and a bandaid for her, please?" Mrs. Yao looks over her shoulder and does a head tilt before sighing. She knew you weren't like the girls in your class, always getting hurt one way or another, being more hardheaded and stubborn than the usual. She grabs a bag of ice and hands the supplies over to Yoongi before placing her hands on her hips.

"You think you can take care of Miss Y/N, or do you need me to help?" He shakes his head.

"I got it, thank you Mrs. Yao." He politely says, giving her a small toothless smile. You silently watch as he walks over, crouching down once again to tend to your wounds. "I don't think this will hurt, but stay still so I can put this bandaid on." He says softly as he spreads the small Neosporin packet across your wound. He wipes his finger down on his pants before removing the back of the bandaid and pressing it against your knee. "There. You should keep the ice on it so it doesn't bruise and stuff." He stands.

"Thank you." He nods as he watches you stand and slightly limp before you adjust your steps to the right pressure. He follows you out, coming back to your side with his hands in his pockets.

"Why don't you act like the other girls?" He asks, cocking an eyebrow at you.

"What? Not liking all the girly stuff that they like?"

"Sure, or you playing basketball. You know girls are usually like cheerleaders and cheer the guys on instead."

"Well, I don't wanna be a cheerleader. I just would rather play. What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, it's just weird to see."

"You're weird." You snapped back.

"How am I weird?"

"You shoot weird."

"And you don't? I shoot better than you." He furrows his brows.

"No you don't."

"Fine, wanna play one more time? Unless you're a wuss and can't play cause of your knee." You rolled your eyes at the sudden change of events.

"I'll play you, I'm not a wuss. Unless you're afraid to lose to a girl." You taunt him as you both walk back to the court.

"Whatever, I'm not afraid cause I won't lose." He grabs the ball and checks it in. "My ball first."

"Sure, if you think that'll help."

And that's how Yoongi lost to you, busted knee and everything. From there, it was history. You became inseparable, Yoongi becoming a large part of your days and vice versa. His parents eventually became close to yours after the numerous times you both have been dropped off to hang out, or catching rides home after school. Yoongi lived in a nearby neighborhood, only being a good 7 minute walk, to be exact.

Second Quarter: High School, Senior Year

In high school, it became a little different. Yoongi grew up, played varsity basketball and became a fucking jock even though he claimed he would never. Yeah, bullshit. You too, played on the girls varsity basketball team, and surprisingly, you two kept each other close. It was a blessing and a curse though, because you couldn't see your life without Yoongi. He's been there since the 6th grade. However, girls took note of that shit. Trying to use you as their way in to Yoongi's heart, or pants, or both. You made it very clear though that you weren't interested in being a fucking messenger. Girls thought you were mean, but really, they just couldn't handle you. Hence, why you really couldn't relate and be one of them.

Yoongi was still the only person who could understand you and handle you, bad attitude and all. Tomboy habits and all. Not wanting to make friends and all.

"Jesus fucking christ, the day just started." Yoongi says as he watches you toss your duffle bag and backpack aggressively in the back seat of his car. "What's your deal?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired." You slump in his passenger seat after buckling your seat belt.

"Chill, don't start your day like this."

"Whatever, dad." You rolled your eyes, causing him to let out a pathetic chuckle.

"Are you coming to my game later?"

"Yeah, if I'm not too tired from practice."

"Y/N, I always make it to your games even if I'm tired."

"Do you?"

"The fuck? Yes I do. When haven't I?" His tone raises with yours. "Don't try and justify your shit by coming up with lies."

"Yeah, yeah bighead. You'll have plenty of cheerleaders there for you."

"Yeah and?" He smirks. "You're the one I'll be looking for though." He caresses your chin, making you smack his hand away while he laughs loudly.

"You're stupid." You groan as you sink lower in his seat. The rest of the ride to school, you shut your eyes and enjoy the peace before you're having to walk down those annoying, congested hallways.

People rave a lot about senior year, but it honestly hasn't felt special to you. Maybe because you kept the same routine since freshmen year, or maybe you really just didn't care as much as everyone else did about how "special" it was. You've always been locked in to basketball even if your mom wasn't a big fan of it. She wished you were more into cute, girly shit, like makeup, shopping, manis and pedis and dresses and heels, but she came to accept this was the way it was going to be. Especially because your dad was your biggest fan. You came to love basketball, more than just a side hobby. You joined the varsity team and practiced day in and day out. When basketball wasn't in season, you'd play with Yoongi at the park or sign up for camps and tournaments. You just wanted to keep bettering yourself so that you could play in college and get into the league post-grad. Yoongi was the same, and he may or may not have influenced your passion for ball. Either way, he was always supporting you and cheering for you even if the other females hated it.

His ex for sure hated the relationship you had with him even though you really steered clear when she was around. Wasn't your fucking problem or responsibility to take care of her insecurities. Same with his flings.

"Hey, so later, yeah?" He asks in between throwing nods and smiles to girls passing by.

"Mhm." You hum. "You gonna be free for lunch later?"

"I don't know. I know where to find you though if I am."

"Have a good day, punk."

"You too, bub. See you in English." He turns on his heel, walking towards his friends, aka his team members. Aka his jock ass group. Aka the ones females flock to.

Namjoon, Jimin, Eunwoo, Lucas.

They were all pretty boys who knew they were pretty boys and used that to their advantage to make big asshole moves. You hated that Yoonks got pulled in from time to time, but shit, it wasn't your life, you were only a small part of his. Sometimes, they also pulled in the football boys, Jungkook and Seokjin. Even the baseball boys, Hoseok and Taehyung. It was all a huge pretty boy, jock, asshole group in the making outside. A big fucking party for a lot of the girls at school, though.

So even if Yoongi was really the only one in your life, you weren't the only one in his. It is, what it is. As long as he doesn't go switching up on you, then whatever, so be it.

The first half of your classes go by quick, being that you enjoyed your chemistry, french and english classes. You had your english class with Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok. You had gotten to know Namjoon and Hoseok a little through it, and it was enough to know that they weren't all that bad. At least in this classroom setting.

"You two going to prom together?" Namjoon asks, making Yoongi snort.

"No, what the hell?" Yoongi responds.

"You guys can have fun at prom." You roll your eyes.

"You're really not gonna go?" Joon bites on the end of his pencil.

"No? The fuck I look like?"

"Y/N, I know it'd be weird as fuck to see you in a dress, but it's senior year. You didn't go last year, did you?" Namjoon asks from Yoongi's other side.

"Really, Namjoon?" You give him a look as if it could state the obvious.

"Well shit, I don't know. I know it's not your thing but can't really say I would have noticed either way." Hoseok laughs, causing you to throw your pen at his head before flicking him off.

"Miss Y/N!" Mrs. Maxwell calls you out mid-movie, eyes wide and in disbelief at how you're acting.

"What?! He started it." You slumped back in your seat and let out a sigh.

"Not another word." She says sternly.

"Not another word." You mock her under your breath.

"Aye, stop. You and that attitude boutta get in some trouble the last weeks of senior year." Yoongi puts his hand on your wrist, causing you to shake your head and click your teeth.

"Anyway, you should go." Hoseok whispers as he leans over on the table to look at you.

"No. Besides, with what date?"

"Take the basketball." Joon snickers.

"You're a complete dumbass, Namjoon. Stop talking." You snap.

"Maybe they're right, bub. It's senior year and it's coming to an end quick. I'd hate for you to regret it." Yoongi turns to you and says lowly.

"You know that won't happen." But really, part of you did feel a little bad. You knew it wasn't your scene, and you really didn't care what people thought of you when it came down to it. However, you always wondered what it would be like if someone liked you. If someone wanted you. Crushed on you so hard that they couldn't keep their hands off of you, couldn't stop thinking of you. Your first love. To feel pleasure, pain. Mixture of emotions simply by being in love. You wondered what it would be like to lose your virginity and have good, good sex. Besides, you were a human with needs. But the only person you have ever been close to was Yoongi. For the most part, you didn't see him that way because you knew he definitely didn't. But, you also couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to take your relationship to that point. If it was anyone, he would be the one you'd have feelings for. He would be your first kiss, your first everything. Because Yoongi was comfort and security for you.

But you valued your friendship more than anything.

"Just saying, think about it." He follows up.

"Think about getting an expensive dress and painful ass heals to wear for one night, just to dance around in 'em and take one professional pic with a date? Maybe get railed if I'm lucky?" You playfully wiggle your eyebrows making Yoongi shake his head.

"Don't be such a party pooper for once."

"Mmm. Great reasoning. Really convincing me here." You laugh it off even though in all honesty, you were thinking about it.

The bell rings and thank god it's finally lunch because you were fucking starving. Appetite and attitude on na-na, no doubt. You silently part ways with Yoongi to stop by your locker and grab your lunch. You make your way to the rowdy ass cafeteria, quickly scanning the room to catch a sight of Yoongi. You see him sitting on top of one of the lunch tables with Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin and Taehyung sitting around him. Clearly, Yoongi wasn't free today.

"Wassup baby? Wanna trade that ball in for me?" Jimin says as you pass by their table to make your way outside to the bleachers. You flick him off before rolling your eyes and pretending to gag.

"Fuck off, Park." The group laughs except for Yoongi.

"Wonder if she's got that bad attitude in bed, too." Yoongi doesn't hesitate to smack Jimin upside the head because yeah, no matter what, he was gonna protect you as much as possible. "Owwww, I'm just kidding Yoongi."

"Don't let me hear you say that shit around me ever again."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. It was just a joke." Jimin winces as he rubs the back of his head.

"Damn Min Yoonks, why don't you take her ass to prom if it's like that?" Taehyung says, chewed up food coming into full view as he smacks loudly.

"Why don't you learn how to close your mouth first?" Yoongi spits back.

"Y/N is really rubbing off on you."

"It's manners, idiot. You should've been learned that." Namjoon says, laughing.

"But foreel, why won't you take her? You both are close, you've never seen her that way?" Hoseok asks making Yoongi shake his head in response.

"She's my bestfriend. I value her just the way she is, no more no less."

"Ah, you must have thought about it at least once." Yoongi keeps silent. Luckily, the group easily gets distracted and starts paying attention to Seokjin and Jungkook coming over as they talk about the dates they've scored for prom.

Yoongi has thought about it. Still does. Just like he is for you, you're the only one who understands him and takes him for who he is. You know the real him besides basketball player Yoongi. You're the only one who keeps it real. But he would rather keep it this way than ruin things between you and him. He'd hate to fuck up with you because he knows he can fuck up, there's no hiding from it. He'd never forgive himself if he lost you.

Practice is hell today for you and fuck, you really wanna just go home and lay down for the rest of the evening. Coach had you all running suicides and conditioning drills on the courts outside and pulling scrimmages against each other left and right. Let's not forget how coach is always on your ass right before a game too. Hell, she catches an attitude way worse than you before game time and after a loss. You wanted to avoid that at all costs. But, to avoid taking the bus home and instead hitching a ride with Yoongi, you throw on a hoodie and haul your ass to the gym in some nike slippers. You take a seat on a free end at one of the bleachers, holding Spalding in between your legs with your duffle next to you on the floor. The game is off to a start in about 5 minutes, Yoongi catches sight of you on the bleachers and nods. You give him a small smile as a gesture of good luck, which he reciprocates.

The game starts off intensely, both teams scoring closely even with the boys putting straight pressure. Towards the end of the first half, Yoongi and Eunwoo are the leading scorers, putting their team up by 10. Halftime is a bunch of hoo-haa, with cheerleaders in their itty bitty skirts, trying to shake their asses as they cheer for the boys. The boys don't even hide the fact that their ogling, and it's clear as day they all want some pussy. Quite frankly, they walk around thinking they deserve it cause of how hard they try to pull some wins and put the school on the map. Student government comes up for a bit too, pulling some kind of skit to weirdly promote prom. It makes you cringe and in all honesty, it makes you not wanna go even more, but it is your senior year. If you can snag a date, then maybe.

"Hey." Terra [not a cheerleader but still a pretty, popular chick] plops next to you with a smirk on her face. Immediately, you want no part in it because you already know what she's trying to do.

"Hi?"

"I'm just gonna cut straight to it. Do you know if Yoongi is seeing anyone?"

"How the hell would I know, Terra?" You furrow your brows at her.

"Because you're close to him, aren't you?"

"And? Doesn't mean I'm telling people his business. Besides, he's not obligated to tell me everything just cause we're close." She rolls her eyes.

"Whatever. Look, can you do me a favor and give this to him?" She tries handing you a little ass piece of paper folded neatly with a pink heart decorated on the front.

"Why don't you give it to him yourself?"

"That's no fun." You scoff and roll your eyes. Really, miss girl? "Be a doll for once, yeah?" She winks and slips the note in between your wrist and Spalding so it stays put. You take the note and eye it, letting out a deep sigh as you shove it into your pocket. You weren't in the mood to be extra rude today so you'll give it to him later when he drives you home.

The game finally finishes with Yoongi making a final three, the boys keeping their lead up by 10. Everyone cheers and showers the boys with love after the team has finished shaking hands and high-fiving their opponents. You stick around until the crowd dies down, watching Yoongi flirt with Terra as you swing your duffle bag strap onto your shoulder before slowly heading down the bleachers.

"Hey bighead, good game today." You lightly punch him against the chest.

"I knew you'd come."

"Shut up. I'll be at your car."

"For what?"

"Cause you're taking me home, punk."

"No please?"

"Please." He shakes his head and chuckles before you part ways to let him gather his things in the locker room. When you finally catch sight of his teeny head coming towards you from the gym, you hear him unlock his car to let you in while he continues to walk over.

"Fuuuuuck." He says, throwing his things in the back before buckling his seat belt and switching the gear into drive.

"You have fan mail." Yoongi looks over and sees you clutching the note Terra gave you.

"What's that, a condom?"

"You're sick. It's from Terra."

"Who's that again?" You make a face at him.

"You were just telling her sweet nothings earlier after the game?"

"Oh, Terra with the tig o' bitties. Got it." He shakes his head. "I wasn't telling her sweet nothings."

"Right. You're an absolute dipshit, you know?" You prop up a leg on the seat while you unfold the letter.

"Give it!" You move it away from his grasp and begin to read it out loud.

"Yoongi, you're honestly so hot. If you don't have a date for prom, I just want you to know that I'm free, and I promise I'll give you a good time if you take me." You cackle. "Boy, what the fuck is this? Ew."

"Shut up." He blushes before laughing along with you.

"Look at her, writing her coochie out on paper."

"She isn't."

"Oh, really? Pfft." You softly scoff. "So, are you taking her or what?"

"I don't know? Maybe, damn. What about you?"

"What about me, fool? I told you I'd think about it."

"Go with Jimin. He still doesn't have a date." He hates to say it with how much of an asshole Jimin can be, but if it meant you'd be at your senior prom then Yoongi will let it pass. He'll make sure Jimin doesn't try any slick shit.

"Ew, god no."

"Look, I'll make sure he doesn't go overboard. I promise."

"Why do you want me there so badly, Yoongi?"

"Because it's our last year in high school together and I'd really like to celebrate with you somehow." You sigh heavily.

"Fair enough. Let me sit on it."

"Better hurry and stop keeping that seat warm."

"Don't rush me." You punch his arm, causing a groan to erupt from him.

- - -

Really, you'd rather be anywhere than at prom with Park Jimin holding onto your waist the way he is for the pictures you're taking with him, Yoongi and the rest of their group and dates. After all the pictures and fake smiles, you feel him slowly slip his hand down your dress to try and get a grip on your ass, but before you could do so, you're grabbing his wrist with full pressure and making him wince.

"Don't you fucking dare or else I'll cut your dick off and throw it in a blender."

"Aish, ah, fuck! Okay, I'm kidding, let me go!" He whines lowly. You let go of his wrist after one more good squeeze, causing him to wiggle his hand to get the feeling back.

"Get me some punch, will you? My mouth is dry."

"You know, I might know something else that can help." Jimin wiggles his eyebrows as he continues to hold onto his wrist.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

"Or not. I'll be back." He accepts defeat by smiling from ear to ear before walking off. You sit off to the side, the heels a huge pain in the ass on top of Jimin already being a huge pain in the ass. You lean over on your knees, completely forgetting you have a short dress on, causing boys passing by to whistle and eye at the easy access.

"The fuck are you looking at? Keep it moving." Yoongi says pushing the guys forward before shooting you a look. "Y/N, really?"

"Shit sorry, I forgot. I'm not used to this." You sit up and adjust your dress before rubbing your arms at how self-conscious you suddenly [and unexpectedly] feel.

"Are you having fun at least?" He sits next to you, manspreading on the seat in the navy suit he has on.

"Mmm, sure." You slightly smile at him. "What about you? You actually took Terra, huh?"

"Yeah, it's pretty fun." He chuckles. "Don't lie, I saw you dancing a bit earlier."

"That's when the alcohol hadn't worn off yet." You snort, remembering Seokjin's older brother giving the group alcohol after all the parents were done taking their pictures of you all. Yoongi laughs along with you before he looks over and simply stares at you, hair all done, makeup done perfectly without it being too much. You in a dress.

"You look beautiful tonight, bub."

"You don't look too bad yourself, bubby." You blush before Jimin interrupts the moment with your cup of punch.

"Here, princess."

"You better not be trying anything slick, punkass." Yoongi says.

"Mm, don't worry. I haven't been able to." You kick his shin as you chug your punch, causing him to cough and choke on his own words. "I'd like to peacefully have this slow dance with you at least, damn." You swallow the last bits of punch before you're taking Jimin's hand to the floor. Yoongi watches as you two make your way to the dance floor for a slow dance, slightly regretting that he didn't just ask you to dance.

"Let's dance, babe." Terra's baby voice comes out as she pulls him up from the seat to find a spot on the dance floor. Yoongi is honestly tired of having to keep up with Terra's energy and her clingy ass, but nonetheless, he was happy you were around for prom.

He was really happy you were around for prom, even though you hated this shit more than anything.

He had you in full view ahead, and so did you. He couldn't help but direct his attention towards you and keep his eyes on you. Fuck, he has never seen anyone so beautiful until you walked through Seokjin's doors with Jimin. Look, let's get this straight. Even though you had your own way of expressing yourself, he always loved your natural beauty, your natural glow. He loved watching you on the court and how happy it made you to play ball. He remembers every accomplishment, every milestone you've reached. How you've grown tremendously as a ball player. He would never admit it to you in person, but he definitely admires how you push yourself and how you always do what you can to improve. Hell, you might just be the better player between the both of you. And when you catch him looking over, he doesn't even try and hide it. He doesn't even care that he's still holding onto Terra and slow dancing with her.

Something within you flips. You feel that shit in the pit of your stomach, at the heat of your core.

But, you brush it off and break eye contact first, even if he doesn't stop staring. This couldn't happen, no. This was your bestfriend. You weren't gonna let the things you felt get in the way of that.

Nope.

Suddenly, the song changes to something more upbeat and twerkable, Jimin taking the opportunity to spin you around and grind on you. You really need a distraction anyway, something to rid you of those god awful thoughts about your bestfriend, so you let him and you have fun with it. Everyone around you is having fun anyway, and fuck, you wouldn't have to do this ever again so fuck it.

"Let me get a dance with my bestfriend." Yoongi says to Jimin.

"Go dance with your date!"

"Shut up and switch for a second!" Yoongi says, pushing him off of you so he could get behind and dance with you.

"Yoonks, what the hell?" You laugh.

"Go with it, bub. It's fucking senior year, we're graduating soon." You go with his movements, having the time of your life with everyone around you as prom quickly comes to a close.

When you get into Jimin's car, you knock off your heels as he continues to talk nonstop about the night. Jimin was a cutie but god, you could not stand his mindset for the life of you. You were grateful he had agreed to take you to prom, but damn. Prom was done and all you wanted was some peace and quiet.

"I hope you had fun with me tonight." You give him a toothless smile before slipping your heels back on.

"I did, thank you for taking me. Really." He smiles from ear to ear before leaning over near your seat.

"Can I get just one good smooch for the night?" You look at him before you smirk and lean over near his lips.

"Sure." You whisper.

"Oh fuck, this is actually happening."

"Close your eyes, I know you don't fucking kiss with your eyes open. What are you doing?"

"Right. Sorry." He closes his eyes and puckers his lips. You lean in a little closer, feeling his breath against your lips.

Then you flick his nose.

"Ouch!"

"Peace out, Park." You throw open his door to step out and shut it behind you to quietly walk into your house.

The lights are off and your parents are already tucked into the room for the night, leaving you a note on the fridge reminding you to make sure all the doors are locked before retreating to your room. You do as you're reminded before quietly shutting your door and tossing your heels to the side. You let the pins down from your hair, ruffling it around a bit and relieving any pressure on your head. Before turning away from your dresser, you notice a letter from the one university you had been waiting on. You had been waiting to hear back from Stanford for the longest time, and quite frankly, you had been upset you hadn't heard especially when their scouts were at your game awhile ago.

You had broken down to your parents, to Yoongi, automatically assuming the worst when you heard that other people had already been accepted and scouted for Stanford. Suddenly, you found yourself working harder and harder because you felt like you were lacking in so many areas. You felt low, and like your dream was running miles and miles away from you. Faster than you could keep up.

You take the letter in your hand, but don't want to open it because you don't feel ballsy enough [surprisingly]. You call up Yoongi, not caring that he could possibly be in the middle of getting his dick wet.

"Sup?"

"Are you busy?"

"I was just about to walk into my house."

"Oh, nevermind."

"Need me to come by?"

"I got a letter from Stanford."

"Shit, I'll be there in 2 mins."

And in 2 minutes, he surely was knocking at your window. You slide it up enough for him to climb in, Yoongi still in his prom get-up as well.

"Here." You instantly hand him the letter.

"What, why me? It should be you."

"I can't, I really can't." He sighs.

"Are you sure you won't regret this?"

"No, bub. Please." You sit on the bed and fiddle with your fingers as you watch him rip the envelope open and tear out the letter. You can't even keep your eyes on him as he reads the letter and starts backing away from you.

"Shit."

"What? What?!" You stand, trying your best to keep your tone low. He covers his mouth, causing you to pinch his bicep at how dramatic he was being. "Just say it!"

"You're not going." Your heart sinks, but before you could process it, Yoongi speaks up again. "To any other college because Stanford wants you."

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" You whisper and shove him.

"Congrats, bubby. Guess we'll be together in college too." Your eyes widen.

"Y-you're going? T-to Stanford?" He smiles and nods.

"Yeah, I am."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Look, I just wanted to give you your space. That's all. I found out before you went all cry baby on me."

"Shut up." You say before laughing and jumping into his arms, throwing your legs around his torso while he swings you around. As he sets you back down onto your bedroom floor, your hands linger around his neck, gently tugging on the hair that rested there. He keeps you close, his hands resting around your waist as your chests are still touching. You honestly have no idea what takes over you— perhaps all the feelings you felt tonight at prom taking over, or feeling overjoyed from finally hearing back from Stanford, you couldn't decide. But you crash your lips against his, immediately pulling back after you realized you've just kissed your bestfriend.

You just had your first fucking kiss through accidental causes.

Well, shit.

Was it accidental or no?

Mind is going off on a tangent.

"Woah. I'm so sorry, Yoonks, I—" He doesn't allow for any space between you two, keeping your body flush against his as his lips crash onto yours again to cut you off. To be quite honest, things are moving fast and the kiss deepens quick. You follow his motions, gaining some rhythm as your tongue dances along with his in the [now] wet, sloppy kiss.

"Wait, Y/N." He pulls away as the moment intensifies. "A-are you sure you wanna keep going? To be honest, I don't know if I'll be able to hold myself back and I know you haven't exactly—" He knows it would be your first time and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. I mean, sure, he loved you. You were special to him. But he wanted to make sure your first time was also special, whether it be him or whoever else.

"Please. I want this. I wanna do this with you."

By the looks of tonight, it seems like it's meant to be him.

You press your lips back onto his with the same intensity and start to unbutton his shirt when you feel his hands hike up your dress. He gently pushes you on the bed, crawling over to you as he kicks off his shoes and finishes ripping off his shirt and tie. He slowly removes the straps of your dress down your shoulders and undoes the zipper on the side before slipping it down and leave you in your panties.

You had no bra on.

Yoongi's eyes widen when he realizes such, your cheeks heating up while you watch him stare down your body. You begin to feel incredibly self-conscious so you cover your chest with an arm. Yoongi senses your uneasiness, your confidence shooting down below zero.

"You're beautiful, bub. Don't." He says, gently tugging your arm away and letting it fall limply to the side. You simply nod and let him take the reigns because you had no idea what the fuck you were doing. So many emotions were flooding your mind— you were nervous, you were scared, you were shy, you felt lost and too innocent under Yoongi, even if he knew you like the back of his hand.

And because of that, he could pick up on it with the way your body continued to tense up. He shook off his pants, leaving on his boxers until you were ready for him. Cause fuck, he was ready for you, but he had to take this slow. He had to take care of you.

He lowers himself onto you after the two of you have climbed under the sheets, lowering his head against your neck to press light, feathery kisses along the surface. You felt the tingles shoot down your spine every time his lips made contact, causing you to softly gasp and arch your back at how sensitive you were already feeling.

"If you ever feel uncomfortable, just tell me to stop okay?" He says lowly. You nod in response, Yoongi taking it as leverage to plant a kiss on your lips before moving down to your breasts. He keeps his eyes on you, making sure you don't seem uncomfortable in the slightest bit. But you don't, and it's indicated in the way you bite your bottom lip and arch your back at the way his tongue wraps around your hardened bud. He does the same on the other breast before peppering kisses down your stomach and abdomen.

"Yoongi." You slightly gasp, shy at how unusually close he is to your lady friend.

"What's wrong? Want me to stop?" His thumbs gently caressed your thighs as his head hovered over your pelvis. You shake your head and nervously swallow before speaking once more.

"I-I'm just scared, what if you don't like—"

"Shh." He shushes you. "You're everything to me, you know that. You don't have to change just so I could enjoy you in bed. I'll take good care of you, bub. I promise."

"O-okay." He nods, placing a kiss over your clothed clit before pulling them down to get lost within your sheets. He swipes a finger down your folds, causing your breathing to hitch slightly. You watch as he slowly inserts the same digit inside of you, biting onto his bottom lip watching your facial expressions turn from uncertainty to straight pleasure. "Another." You moan.

"You sure?"

"Yes, please." He inserts another digit, curling his fingers upward as he starts to finger fuck you at a steady pace.

"Shit, you're so wet Y/N." He says lowly before lowering his mouth onto you to get a taste and tease your clit. You gasp at the overwhelming sensation, feeling the pleasure bubbling in your core and you had no idea how to deal with it. He picks up his pace while tonguing your clit and sucking at the right pressure until suddenly, you short circuit and tremble under his grip. You purse your lips together to prevent yourself from moaning too loud with your parents at the other end of the hall [jesus fucking christ], knuckles turning white as you grip the sheets tightly.

Your first orgasm came and washed over you quick.

"Did you just—" He removes his digits from inside of you, drooling at your cum accumulating all over his fingers.

"Holy fuck." You whisper as you regulate your breathing, twitching when Yoongi places a quick kiss on your pussy before coming back up to you.

"How was that?"

"So good. Wanna feel you." You whine, tugging him down towards you.

"I got you, bubby." He says, kissing your jaw, cheek, nose and lips. He reaches over into his pants on the floor, grabbing a condom out of his pocket. You furrow your brow and chuckle, confused if this was something he always did.

"You just carry that around?"

"The guys and I split on a box and carried one each for tonight. Just in case."

"Total fucking assholes." He chuckles.

"Better safe than not, right?" He rips it open with his teeth, spitting the wrapper out onto the floor before rolling it down his cock. He was perfectly thick and long, and it made you a nervous wreck all over again thinking about how this could feel. "Ready? I'll go slow." You nod. You immediately felt immense pressure when you felt Yoongi dip his body and slowly enter you. You winced, Yoongi immediately pausing until you tapped his arm to continue. And so he does, and you continue to breathe through it until he bottoms out and lets out a soft groan against your neck. "Fuck, you're so tight bub. God, you're gonna make me cum quick." He slowly pumps in and out, steadying his pace when he feels you buck your hips up to go along with his motions.

The pleasure skyrocketed; You shut your eyes, letting yourself be in this moment. Feel this moment.

He picks it up a little faster, careful not to bang your headboard against the wall. His forehead is pressed against yours, watching as you let out soft whimpers against his lips.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yoongi-Yoongi—" You whispered. "You're gonna make me—" It was becoming overwhelming, your clit rubbing against him as he steadied his pace and continued to fuck into you. He nods, pressing a kiss against your forehead.

"Yeah, that's it. Let go. It's okay." And that was enough for you to reach your second orgasm tonight. Quick, but fuck. Yoongi made you feel so good, and you wouldn't want it any other way. You shut your eyes as you hurdled over the edge, mouth open with silent, inaudible moans being released. "So fucking pretty." Yoongi says as he feels himself reaching his high with the way your walls pulsated against his cock.

God. So, so good.

He holds onto the headboard and quickly fucks into you until he's spilling his seed in the condom, muffled moans being released against the crook of your neck. It takes a moment before Yoongi raises his head, your hands running through his black hair while he presses a tender kiss against your lips. He slowly removes himself, wrapping the condom in a tissue before tossing it into your trash can. He plops next to you and welcomes you into his arms, caressing you to soothe you from your first time.

"You okay?"

"More than okay." You say, the both of you trying to savor the moment before trying to navigate where to go from here.

What now?

Third Quarter: College, Junior Year (Present)

You bent down, hands resting against your knees as you tried to catch your breath during the timeout Coach Chu had called with 5.2 seconds literally left on the clock. He laid out the play he wanted you and the team to pull off in order to gain the win over Berkeley.

It had to be executed perfectly. No flaws.

Coach Chu had been riding your ass since you were a freshman. But, over the years, you've learned how to work through his tough love and turn it into positives, bettering yourself on and off the floor. It paid off, and he saw the fire in you, finally moving you up to starting point guard right before the season ended. Some team members hated it at first, but eventually, grew to work with it as well.

The plan was to have you come down into the paint and lay up the ball or take a shot at the very last second to avoid Berkeley from getting another chance at scoring. Sometimes you hated the pressure, but you've also learned that a big part of playing ball was thriving under pressure.

Your team closes up the huddle before you and your teammates are heading back out onto the floor to try and get this win. You shake off the nerves, bouncing the ball out of bounds until you check it in with your teammate. After that— it was like a blur. Shit happened so quick, you couldn't even process it. You passed the ball and dashed over to the other side of the court while your teammate put up a screen. You rose your hand as you ran into the paint, adrenaline rushing through your veins as you awkwardly lay up the ball in the position you were in and stumble onto the ground from losing your footing. You turn your head as the buzzer went off, noticing that the ball had bounced off the rim.

You missed a fucking lay up.

How could you miss a fucking lay up?

"Fuck!" You cry as you sit up and smack the floor.

"Aye, it's all good girl! Ain't a big deal! You win some, you lose some! We still got a ways to go!" Your teammate [roommate, and closest college friend] Clarice said as she helped you up. She was right, but every loss to you was a big loss no matter what. Coach was for sure gonna drill you about this too, and you were already mentally preparing.

"Thanks." You mumble. You look out at the disappointed crowd slowly dispersing, wishing you could still catch a familiar face in the crowd.

But, Yoongi hadn't been to your game in years. So you thought. You never caught him if he ever stepped foot into your game.

Your head hung low as the familiar feeling of pain and loneliness came rushing back while you headed to the locker room. Too bad you didn't see him hiding out on the side of the bleachers with Lucas.

"Y/N, a word." Coach Chu says, leading you into his office.

Fuck, here we go.

You shut the door behind you and stand awkwardly in front of his desk, fiddling with your fingers.

"Look, I just want to say that you put on hell of a show tonight, win or lose. We still have plenty of games left, plenty of opportunities to lock in play-offs. Alright? Don't be upset."

"Thanks Coach." You give him a tiny smile.

"Are you doing okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so."

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing coach, just been a hectic couple of weeks." In which, it was no lie. You crammed for test after test, project after project. You barely had any time to breathe this year.

"Well, my door is always open if you need to chat." You nod. "I'll see you at practice. Enjoy your night."

"Thanks again." You say as you exit his office and get yourself showered and into comfier clothes.

Meanwhile, Yoongi heads back to his dorm room alongside Lucas, hands dug deep into his pockets while his head hung low.

"You ever gonna talk to her?"

"I don't know." He sighs. "Pretty sure I fucked up any chance of that."

"Look, dude. You haven't really been the same since you and Y/N fell out." Yoongi stays silent as they slowly climb the steps up to their room. "Why are you just gonna leave it like this? It's been so long already. Doesn't it bother you?"

"Positive she doesn't want me around." Lucas shakes his head.

"You haven't even tried. You just gave up and that shit is cold, to be honest. I know Y/N always held it down for you, I would have expected you to do the same." The words cut through Yoongi so deep, he doesn't even know how to respond and leaves it at that.

As you heavily dragged your body back to the dorms and took your sweet ol' time, your mind began to wander back to Yoongi as well. After he had taken your virginity that night, things took a turn for the worst.

He treated you differently, created this distance that allowed you to grow farther and farther apart from each other until he was no longer in your grasp and vice versa.

You went from Yoongi being a part of your every day to nothing. And fuck, did it hurt you. You cried and cried, until you were so tired of crying. You had to pick yourself up and keep it moving no matter what. Life waits for nobody.

You reminisce on those days of debating over who could really be considered the greatest. Although, you did pay your respects to the bigs, the greats— Kobe, Magic, MJ, Lebron— you paid respect where it was rightfully due. However, Derrick Rose at his prime? Rajon Rondo? Chris Paul?

Hell, even Baron Davis, Monte Ellis. Rookie Steph Curry? Shiiit. They were it for you, and Yoongi used to dog your ass on how unrealistic you were being.

That was all gone.

He must be having a ball watching Steph climb up those charts now, though. You wonder what he would say to you.

The days of going to basketball games, to each other's basketball games, to ordering hella pizza and creating chaos in either house over the dunk contest during the NBA All Star Week or yelling all around the living room and jumping on couches during the NBA playoff season and championship games— All gone.

If you knew this would drastically change you and Yoongi, you would have never let that night happen. You continued to put on your brave face, your thick, tough skin even though deep down, it took everything in you to suppress the hurt, betrayal and confusion. Even after all these years.

He meant everything to you. Did you not to him? You could never understand until this day. How could he dispose of you so, so quickly?

You see him on campus and quickly break any eye contact, or run the opposite way. You were tired of doing this even though you felt like you needed closure. Some explanation. You deserved it. But you weren't gonna initiate that. Even if Yoongi did, you don't even know if things could ever go back to the way it was. He promised he would never hurt you, but he has. He still is hurting you. The wounds— it cut deep. Deeper than he could ever imagine.

"Hello?" You smile, hearing your dad on the other line.

"Hey dad."

"Hey baby! How was your game? I'm sorry I couldn't catch it tonight, work kept me behind." You sigh.

"Eh, it's probably good you didn't. Didn't turn out so well." He picks up on how your voice cracks ever so slightly, enough to indicate that you were trying your hardest not to break down about your performance. "I missed the winning shot."

"Oh sweetheart, you'll get 'em next time. You always do. You still have a couple of games left don't you?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that I played shitty as hell tonight."

"There's always room for improvement, only way to go is up from here right?" He says softly, making you smile. "You'll get 'em next time, I have no doubt. You always know how to better yourself even when I think you've already reached your highest potential."

"Thanks Dad. You always were my number one fan."

"I still am." He chuckles. "How's everything else? School?"

"Fine." He always has to stop himself from asking about Yoongi, even to ask if there's been the slightest change to your relationship.

"You sure?"

"Course." You lie.

"Alright, well you know me and your mom are here for you if you need anything."

"I know."

"I'll let you go and get some rest, alright? Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Mmm, I'll try." You chuckle. "I love you."

"Love you too. And hey, baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Always remember that you deserve everything good in this world. If someone can't handle you at your worse, they sure as hell don't deserve you at your best."

"Thank you." You smile as if your dad can see you through the phone before hanging up and unlocking your dorm door.

"Sigma Nu party going on tonight, wanna come and slide through?" Clarice asks as she watches you toss your duffle aside.

"I'm tired, not in the mood."

"So aren't I, but I think we both need it. Come on girl, just for a little." You sigh. Clarice had also been there by your side since you both were freshmen recruits. One day, she came into the room and found you a crying mess, causing her to wrap her arms around you and craddle you until you calmed down. You had spilled the beans about Min Yoongi, especially when he quickly became the talk of the campus as a ladies man and one of the best freshmen recruits Stanford has ever seen. You hated it, but a part of you still found yourself happy that he was getting the recognition he deserved as a ball player.

He wasn't the tallest, or the biggest, but boy had heart and played every game like it was his last. You had been his number one fan, and even though you hated him, that fact would never change.

Anyways, without Clarice, you weren't sure where you'd be. Definitely not here because you'd be too busy running away from your past and all the issues that came with it.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and say it. You would be stupid enough to not go to your first choice just because of a stupid boy.

"Fine, fine. I'm leaving as soon as someone wants to start acting up and getting all crazy though."

"Deal." She chuckles. You've learned how to dress up a little more— and by a little we mean baggy sweats, a crop tight fitting tee and chapstick. No way in hell you'd get dolled up for a party. Out of the years you've already been here, you probably went to two parties. One being the party Coach Chu threw at his house for a record-breaking season. The other was a legit party that you stepped foot in for all of 2 seconds before you figured it was time to head home, especially after seeing Yoongi hugged up with some chick and disgustingly tonguing her down while groping her ass.

Shit, you were never gonna get used to it.

The frat house is fucking packed and wreaks of weed even down the corner. You and Clarice push your way through, greeting people who were acknowledging your presence and waving at your other teammates that were also present.

"More basketball babes have arrived, let's go!" One of the frat guys cheers as you and Clarice make your way to the kitchen where all the alcohol is laid out.

"One shot?" She asks as she already has her hand wrapped around the Svedka handle.

"One and done." You tell her. You shouldn't have let her pour the shot though because now, you're stuck with nasty ass vodka near the halfway mark of the cup. "Clarice, what the fuck is this?"

"It's called savoring our one."

"You're fucked up." You joked as you tap your cup against hers and take the shot in three chugs. "Really fucked up." You wince.

"Come, lets go see what the other girls are up to and hang out for a bit." You follow her lead to the corner of the living room, chatting it up with your team before dancing around in the little corner you all occupied— keeping as far away as possible from sloppy and messy dudes.

You turned to eye the crowd at some point, catching Yoongi coming down the stairs, a female following from behind holding his hand. Then, they disappear to the outside of the house. You swallow the lump in your throat, the room feeling hotter than it already was.

Why he still had this affect on you, you had no idea.

Clarice and your teammates are too busy cracking jokes that they don't realize you've slipped away to get some air. You're finding that the crowd has come bigger in the short amount of time you've been here and navigating through it has become difficult. You're having to bob, weave and shove your way out, letting out a sigh the closer you get to the front of the house. You're also really glad you've been able to steer clear from—

"Shit, my bad." You unintentionally bump into someone making your way to the front from the side of the house due to you keeping your head low.

"Y/N?" You whip your head around to see Yoongi raising a brow, dropping his arm from the same chick's shoulders.

"Hi." You give him a fake, tight-lipped smile and rush your way to the front of the house. Thank god you finally make it because you were starting to feel claustrophobic, even being outside. However, you weren't prepared for Yoongi to come after you and grab your wrist the way he did.

"Wait, I didn't expect you to be here." Out of defense, you quickly snatch your wrist away from his grip and furrow your brows at him.

"Yeah, and now I'm leaving."

"Why, hang out for a bit—"

"And what, Yoongi? Watch you be the life of the party? Watch you walk around all fine and dandy like shit never happened between us?" You feel the tears welling up on your bottom lids, but you promised yourself you would never cry over him again. You refuse to. He had already taken up so much of you that you refuse to give him any more.

"Is that what you really think?" He says, the hurt apparent in his expression. To be frank, no. Yoongi really, really never meant to hurt you. And just like he had mentioned before, he would never forgive himself if he ever hurt you. He hasn't forgiven himself. He hasn't forgiven himself for how he let you slip out of his grasp when it was his own fault for pushing aside his feelings for you. He thought the world of you, the only woman who kept it real with him and stuck by him through the highest of highs, lowest of lows. There was no one as special as you, no one who could ever be as special as you, no matter how many times he tried to sink his dick into other females.

No one was real like you.

But, he was also conflicted because of that. He felt like he couldn't give you the love you rightfully deserved, he didn't think he could love you properly. He had so much to learn and he didn't wanna hurt you in the process. It sounds so fucking stupid [because it is] that he thought distancing himself was better than just being honest. He was a dumbass high schooler, he didn't know any better. But, he never meant to make you feel special for one night, then run from it. You were always special to him. You had always been. You always will be. And these past years hurt like a bitch, but he coudn't find the words to explain. Eventually, he just believed he would do less damage if you both remained distant this way.

Although, he longed for you. He really needed you just as you needed him. He always has, always will.

So when the two of you bump into each other tonight, he felt like maybe, it was a sign. Maybe it was time to stop being childish.

God, he missed your face.

God, he was a fucking asshole.

"No, I'm not doing this shit." You shake your head. "Just— continue to stay away from me, okay? I'm better off without you." The words sting you, but it doesn't sting you as much as it stings Yoongi. You glare at him once more before you turn on your heel and begin walking down the street to head back to your dorm.

"Y/N! Wait up!" Clarice calls for you, eyeing Yoongi as she passes him to catch up with you down the street. "Hey, hey. You okay?" She swings her arm around you when she catches you silently crying to yourself. "What did he do, Y/N?"

"He fucking exists, that's what." You groan. "Ugh, fuck! I'm not supposed to be crying over his dumbass, I'm better than this Clarice— Why the fuck am I crying over it?" You break down, crouching down to your knees, causing Clarice to hover over you and pull you into a hug.

"Maybe you just need to let it out and stop forcing yourself to not feel anything."

"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him." You bawled into your arms. "I hate him so much." She caressed your back. "But he still finds a way to mean so much to me."

"I think it's time for you two to talk."

"I can't. It's just better this way."

"Are you sure? Because look at you, Y/N. You're a mess, and this hasn't even been the first time you broke down about him. As much as you want to believe that you're fine without him, you're not. He was your bestfriend and I think you need him more than you even know yourself."

"He's doing fine without me."

"You don't know that, baby. Dudes are annoying as fuck because they can literally go on about their day and mask that shit well. If he's ready, let him explain. Hear him out. You both may be misunderstanding the entire situation." It takes you a good minute before you can finally gather yourself and make it back to your dorm room with Clarice.

She was right.

But you were so angry more than anything. You were angry and you weren't sure how you could get past it.

He left your side.

And so the next day, you go about your day in class, staying quieter than usual during practice. For the most part, Coach Chu was always on your ass because of how vocal you were and how much you caught an attitude when things didn’t go the way you'd like it to. So, to see you this quiet, almost sullen even, concerns him. But, he already pressed you once and he wasn't gonna do it again to avoid irritating you any further.

You run the usual conditioning drills, practicing play by play before a final scrimmage game for the night. You push yourself hard like you always do, almost coming out of practice dry heaving from how tired you are. It was your bad habit though, you wouldn't quit until you got it right. Until you felt right. And unfortunately, it's another one of those nights where you feel unsatisfied with your performance. So, you take it upon yourself to continue practicing in the empty gym that was set to close within the next hour. You're tired out of your mind, and you know this is probably a bad idea, but you can't shake off the feeling of dissatisfaction. To you, that was the next worst thing. Right behind Yoongi.

You begin to work on your three pointers, lay ups and shots out of range before you start to play a scrimmage game with yourself.

"I'll play you." You suddenly hear, the sweat beads dripping down your forehead at this point. You watch Yoongi as he drops his water bottle off at the side of the court before walking over to you.

"Go away."

"Afraid you'll lose?"

"No, I just don't wanna play your ass." You shot up the ball, only for it to bounce off the backboard and land in Yoongi's hand.

"Ball up. Let's play till 10."

"Why the hell do you wanna play me, Yoongi? Don't you have a random chick to bone?"

"I'm clearly standing right in front of you aren't I? Quit fucking talking and play." He aggressively passes you the ball to check it in, you following suit, making the ball damn near bounce off of his chest with how hard you pass it back. He knew exactly how to rile you up.

You get into the zone quickly, trying to find some kind of redemption for the way you had been feeling lately. Redemption, validation, way to take the edge off— anything, really. It was only until the first person scored to 10, but Yoongi was putting up one hell of a fight, jet black hair parted down the middle and matted to his forehead from the sweat building up. You take the lead, sitting at 8 while Yoongi sat at a sad 6 points.

"Ball." You call out as you scored a layup, ramming yourself against the padded wall with the force you had put up.

"That's 10."

"Ball, Yoongi." You huffed and puffed.

"Stop, don't overwork yourself. You just got—"

"Suddenly you care? Stop being a pussy and pass me the goddamn ball." He furrows his brows as he passes you the ball, crouching down to meet you at eye level to try and guard you. You run towards the right of the court, pulling a pump fake before you pivot to get away from Yoongi's guard. You pivot hard and drive it up to the basket, only to fall on the wrong footing and twist your ankle on the way down. "Ouch, fuck!"

"Shit, Y/N!" Yoongi comes to your side, hand supporting your back as the other is on your ankle.

"I'm fine, leave me—"

"Stop being so fucking stubborn and let me help you." He says angrily. You don't say anything else while you fix your position on the floor. "Can you wiggle it at least?"

"Y-yeah." You wince as you wiggle your foot and roll it around a couple of times. Phew, at least this shit wasn't gone for good. But Coach Chu still wouldn't be happy to hear you sprained your ankle releasing your anger on Yoongi during a dumb game. Yoongi helps you stand, arm around your waist as he throws your arm around his neck and holds you steady by the wrist.

"Try walking on it."

"I can, but it hurts a little." Yoongi sighs.

"You just sprained it. Let's go get you some ice or something at the nursing center before going back to your dorm." You silently nod as you hang onto Yoongi for extra support, careful not to make the situation any worse than it already is. He has you sit on the chair within the nursing center, the nurse coming over to wrap your ankle nicely before giving you crutches and some instant hot compress to pop onto it. She orders for security to drive you two over to the dorm building in their go-cart so that you wouldn't have to do much walking on your foot while you focused on healing.

Yoongi doesn't leave your side, even after you've walked into your dark, empty dorm room, not really knowing where Clarice is at right now [possibly library]. He shuts your door and sits you on the edge of your bed, setting your crutches near your bed side and your instant hot compress.

"You need anything else?" Your head hangs low as you slightly chuckle and shake your head.

"Why are you doing this?" You ask him lowly before looking back up at him, tears clouding your vision. "Hm? Why, Yoongi?"

"You're hurt, why wouldn't I—"

"Hmm." You hum. "I'm hurt? So where the fuck were you after prom night? When I was hurt then, where the fuck have you been?" You began to cry.

"Y/N." His tongue swipes over his lips before he sighs. "I'm sorry." He says, close to a whisper.

"Are you? Because I don't think you really understand how bad you hurt me." You aggressively wipe away your tears while continuing to look at him, his body language soft and full of regret. "You didn't care about me."

"How could you say that? I cared—" He sighs as his head drops for a second. "I care about you more than you know."

"If you did then why the fuck was it so easy for you to drop me the way you did?!" You yelled. "You just don't do that to the people you care about, especially if it’s your bestfriend."

"Look, you're right. I have no excuse for the way I acted, and if I could turn back time to re-do it, I would. But I can't, and the only thing I can do is apologize and do my best to make it up to you." His bottom lip trembles as he steps closer to you, a small frown forming at the corners of his mouth.

"Yoongi." You cried. "I did everything for you, I stuck by you through everything, even during the times you didn't deserve that shit from me. But I stayed! I stood by you because you meant everything to me and god—" You groaned. "I needed you. I needed you and you weren't there! I fucking hate you for doing this shit to me but part of me will always have love for you no matter how fucked up the situation is. I will always drop everything for you. I will always care about you, and it's so unfair." It broke Yoongi's heart and he didn't know what to say, but he wraps his arms around you anyway, keeping you in a tight hug against his chest. He's surprised that you let him, even more surprised at how he feels your body soften under his touch.

"Fuck, I'm so, so sorry bub." He says lowly as he presses a kiss on top of your head. "I'm so sorry."

"Please don't ever go again." You cry against his chest.

"No, I'm not. I'm gonna be right here." He says hugging you tighter. "You're the only one who's ever understood me, who's ever kept it real with me. I don't deserve you, but I know damn sure I'll work hard to make up for letting you go in the first place." He places another kiss on top of your head. "I'm right here. Not going anywhere. I'm so sorry."

- - -

"THE STANFORD BOYS TAKE THE CHAMPIONSHIP!" The commentator screams into his mic, Yoongi running a lap around the court before he's cheering loudly with his teammates and joining the group hug. You run down the bleachers, dashing straight into Yoongi's arms while he swings you around.

"That's what I'm fucking talking about!" You squeal and giggle as Yoongi places you back down and plants multiple kisses around your face, hands resting on the small of your back.

"Let's get out of here." He whispers in your ear.

"I'll wait at your car, bighead." You wink, causing him to smile that gummy smile of his that you adore more than life itself.

There's obviously a huge party going on tonight to celebrate this huge achievement, but Yoongi says he doesn't wanna join for once. He's happy, yeah. But the way he wants to celebrate is in peace. After so long, he feels like he can finally say he's content with where his life is at and where it's going. He drives over to the nearest beach, backing into a space so the both of you could sit in the back and try catching all the shooting stars up above. Yoongi leans against the side of the trunk, allowing you to lay your head on his lap while you curled up beside him listening to the waves slowly crash against the sand.

"Saw one." He says, looking up at the sky.

"You're a punk, no you didn't."

"What?" He laughs. "How are you about to say that? I caught it with my own two eyes."

"Oop! I saw one!"

"Now that's a lie. I was looking up too."

"Shut up." You laugh, causing Yoongi to tickle you along the sides before he stops and plants a kiss on your lips. It's silent for a minute while the two of you take in the night view— The sky and ocean coming together as one, forming a view that seemed endless.

"Hey."

"Hm?" You hum as Yoongi's fingers gently brush through your hair.

"You know I love you right?"

"Ew with the sappy shit, Min Yoongi." He laughs.

"Seriously."

"I know." You smile up at him. "I love you too."

"Come here." He says softly, tugging you upwards. You sit up, allowing Yoongi to press his lips against yours. He pulls you in by your shirt, having you straddle his lap while he grips onto your hips and immediately grinds against you. You let out a small moan feeling how quickly he hardened, his cock hitting you in the right places as you continue to grind on him. "Fuck, wanna feel you babygirl."

"Here?"

"Yeah." He chuckles and bites onto his bottom lip.

"What, all of a sudden you're scared?"

"Fuck off." You fire back, releasing his hardened member from its confines as you stroke him gently. He tilts his head back in pleasure before tugging your shorts and panties to the side, enough for him to cop a feel of how wet you are.

"Baby's all wet."

"What're you gonna do about it?" You whisper against his lips, biting onto his bottom lip and pulling back slightly. He hisses at the sensation before he moves your hand from his cock and takes control. He pushes you upward, positioning you enough to line up with your entrance.

"Take this shit off."

"Yoongi, we're in public."

"So, you're all talk and no play."

"I hate you."

"Nobody's here." He groans. "Just take off your shorts, pleeease." He begs as he slowly strokes himself. You toss aside your shorts, Yoongi immediately hooking his finger at the bottom of your panties and tugging it aside in order to push himself into you. He does enough before he lets you do the rest of the work and sink down on his length, a gasp leaving your throat as you take all of him in. He grips your hips tightly, setting the pace as he groans into your neck, your fingers tangled in his hair resting at the nape of his neck.

"Shit, babe." You moan as you tilt your head back.

"Fuck, you always ride me so well." He presses light kisses against your neck before he's nipping at the surface.

"Godddd why do you feel so good?" You whimper.

"You like how I feel inside of you?" You nod. "Yeah? Like how my cock fills you up?"

"Never gonna get tired of it." You moan, Yoongi making you pick up the pace aggressively. Besides the waves crashing, the lewd noises of skin slapping against skin fills the car, along with your soft moans and Yoongi's groans. Your clit is constantly rubbing against him, causing the pleasure to build so quickly it becomes overwhelming. You try to hold off as much as you can but—

"My pretty baby. All I fucking need." He almost growls, the words enough to send you over the edge. You let out a loud moan, not even caring for the houses nearby as your orgasm hits hard and ripples throughout your body, sending aftershocks. Yoongi continues to have you ride him fast and hard, the overwhelming sensation causing a hint of pain to mix with more pleasure until you feel him feel you up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He groans as his nails dig into your skin, giving two good thrusts upwards into you to help ride out his high. You both sit in the position for a minute, trying to come back down from your highs. Yoongi gives you a delicate peck on the lips, smiling into the kiss before he pulls away. "Swear you're all I need."

"See, I don't know if I could say the same." He smacks your ass as you hike up and off of him to put on your shorts.

"Take it back."

"I'm kidding." You blush.

"My ride or die. Are you with me?"

"Always have been. Are you?"

"You know I am."

"Good. You know it takes two." He smiles before pulling you into another hug and pressing a kiss against your temple.

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my-simp-land · 3 years

Text

Setting Boundaries

Lately, I've been having trouble setting boundaries in my own life, so I felt inspired to write this where there is a happy ending and not just stifling tension in the house. I hope this helps someone in need. You can do it bb. We have to take care of ourselves :)

Lucifer x reader/mc

Fluff with angst. Happy ending

1997 words

Since moving into the House of Lamination and getting to know the brothers, it was obvious that Lucifer was the main caregiver in the house. His approach was more business than affectionate, but that’s okay; that’s where I come in. In the beginning, I would try to help Lucifer directly by helping him with his paperwork or running errands for him. I quickly realized that keeping his brothers out of trouble or solving the problem before it got to him helped him far more than organizing his filing cabinets.

The new chain of authority quickly became accepted within the House of Lamination. Mammon had me on speed dial, so my D.D.D. was constantly ringing off the hook. The other brothers were nice about it though. It gave them a chance to open up about more problems without worrying about the stress and reaction it would cause.

The House of Lamination, and in turn the RAD campus, changed overnight. The student council’s relationship had drastically improved, and anyone could see it. Other demons began to come to me with their problems. I made a drop box where anyone could write their problems or thoughts and submit them. Lucifer bequeathed me a bulletin board where I could answer some of the simpler questions, but I had a column in the school newspaper where I wrote about other, more complex problems. My peers began to say I was an angel with a demon’s perspective. The blessing, or curse, of being a human, I guess

***

Everything was working out for Lucifer. With your help, he had so much more time to complete his tasks but also give himself the basic care he needed. The house was clean. His brothers didn’t run to him with their every problem. School was becoming the campus Diavolo imagined it to be. What could go wrong? Well, a lot could go wrong actually. Very easily. He just had to keep his watchful eye and stop it before it went too far.

***

A few months into my new councilor position, I began to feel the effects of my work. The world around me was on the up and up, but I was so tired. I was so exhausted, physically and mentally. It took hours to come up with some of these responses, and I was so focused on other’s needs that I began to neglect my own. Usually I went home to my room to work on my responses in private, but today, for some reason, I decided to stay in the student council room. Other members came in and out working on their own projects, exchanging pleasantries, but eventually, all became quiet. It was just me and my melted down iced coffee.

I watched the condensation run down the side of my cup as I thought of a good way to respond to this problem. How does one properly discuss their boundaries with the ones they love? I had plenty of answers, but I couldn’t think of one that I had actually used.

“MC? You’re still here. We were looking all over for you.” Lucifer.

“Oh. Uh- sorry Lucifer. I guess I just got so caught up in writing that I lost track of time I guess.” He walked over and peered over my shoulder at the paper before me. We sat there in silence for a moment before he spoke.

“So, how would you solve that problem?”

How would I solve speaking about boundaries? That's a great question, Lucifer. I’ve only been thinking about that for the last two hours.

“I’m not sure. I always try to put myself in the demon’s shoes, but it just isn’t working this time. I have plenty of hypotheticals but nothing I can solidly say would help.”

He hums in reaction and walks around the table to take his seat. Across from me, his red eyes peer into mine. We stare at each other for moments before I look back down at my paper. I can still feel his eyes locked onto me. I can’t imagine what’s going through his head. Is he trying to solve the problem? Is he thinking about replacing me? Am I becoming another problem to him?

“What if I told you I submitted that problem?”

What. Lucifer...submitting a problem...to me? I didn’t think he’d have problems with the brothers occupied. Sure, I would have to drag Mammon into his office when the problem was bigger than I was, and sometimes I would give him some insight onto the student’s thoughts. But Lucifer didn’t have any real problems. He was the Morningstar. He can do basically anything that he wants.

“Well, um- I...I guess I would ask for more context since you’re here.”

“I only wrote that. How would you answer that?”

So...so...ugh.

“I guess I would try to go to a private place with them. Make sure it’s the right time to bring it up. I wouldn’t want them to already be in a bad mood or be taken by something else. I would try to be comfortable with them. Not come off as aggressive or manipulative. Oh idk.”

I sigh and place my head between my hands. “Usually I set boundaries in the moment. It’s just a ‘I didn’t like that and would appreciate it if you didn’t do that again,’ but this leaves so many possibilities.”

I carry on with my thoughts in my head before Lucifer interrupts. “Carry on with what you were saying before.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to beat around the bush, but I wouldn’t want to be harsh. It’s a fine line to walk. Simple sentences. ‘I don’t appreciate this’ or ‘It makes me upset when you do this’ then I would follow it up with ‘I would be grateful if you were to refrain from that behavior’ or something similar. Just straight to the point but not pointing fingers at them. Don’t condemn them. Either they would agree or deny to change. If they agree, I would thank them for understanding and change the subject. If they deny, I would really set the boundary. I would tell them that I won’t be around someone who does that and would separate until they change or we meet a compromise or it could just be over. Sometimes it isn’t that easy. There’s more conversation where a compromise is made.”

“But what if they ask why?”

“I would explain. ‘I don’t like the way it makes me feel’ or ‘I don’t want to see you, someone else be hurt.’ Honesty is key. I wouldn’t see it as a defiance, but a way to understand you better.”

Lucifer reaches across the table and takes my hands. “It makes me upset when you exhaust yourself and neglect yourself because of your tasks. I would appreciate it if you let me take care of things again, so you can take care of yourself again.”

I shoot out of my seat, ripping my hands from his. “That is not an option, Lucifer. I’m helping and mending relationships; not only between humans and demons but demons and demons. I also can’t leave you to handle everything again. I set the boundary of me between you and the Devildom. I don’t appreciate it when you neglect your own problems for others!”

He sighs and pinches his brow. “Doll, I’ve done this for centuries now. You’ve given me a great vacation. The best one I’ve ever had, but it’s time for me to take back over now. I can’t let you run yourself into the ground and say I’m doing my job of watching over you.”

I press my hands into the table. “I will not let you handle everyone’s problems again. I refuse. I’m helping you by carrying some of the weight.” We sit in silence staring at each other before I speak again. “Is this because of your pride? I promise you that no one sees me as better than you. We’re not even in the same league. You do much greater things than I do. I’m just a post-it note therapist. I’m just a sounding board for my peers. You help run, not only a school, but an entire kingdom just because you’re friends with the crown prince. You deserve more, and you know i-”

“That’s enough!” He flew out of his seat and slammed his palms on the table. We were face to face; our breath running across the other’s face. “You will not carry on with your little crisis hotline if you’re going to neglect yourself.”

“I won’t give you an ounce of this weight back if you are going to neglect yourself.”

“I forbid it!”

“You might think you have some chokehold on me like you do your brothers, but you’re not stopping me from doing what I want. I’m solving problems; not causing them!”

“You are causing problems! Problems with me! You aren’t taking care of yourself!”

“Well you weren’t either when they were your problems!”

“I’m allowed to do that!”

“Like hell you are. I care too much to see you passed out in your office or turning to the bottle! As long as I can do something, I will!”

I could stare into his eyes to see the storm brewing within. He wants to say more, but his pride is holding him back. He wants it his way, but I won’t allow it. I can’t. What will he do? Will he run to Diavolo for some special permission to get me to stop? Will he tear down my board? Remove me from the school newspaper?

“I care about you too. More than I let on.” The energy in the room immediately shifts. No longer is it an argument; but a conversation. “Just as it hurt you to see me in pain, it hurts me. I cannot let you carry on this way”

My mind goes into autopilot. I take a step closer to him. My arms find their way around his torso. His circle me. I bring my head to his neck. We stand there for a few minutes, thinking of responses, enjoying the other’s care.

“So you know why I can’t give it all back to you?”

He gives me a squeeze. “Yes.”

I can’t help but chuckle. “Well, what a pickle we’re in.” He laughs.

As we stand there, clinging to each other, we think. We both know it can’t carry on like this. I breathe him in. My mind eases.

“You could find some of your other friends to help. Maybe give them some sample questions to solve or just someone to help you write.” I nod into his neck.

“I can still help with your brothers. Maybe we could learn from this and set some boundaries with them.” He nods. “That sounds wonderful.”

I pull myself back just enough to look up at his face. “I’ll give you my word to take care of myself. To step back when I need it, whether it’s me who decides or you, and vice versa with you.”

“I give you my word.” “And I give you mine.”

All tension is gone from the room. We smile at each other, relishing in the fact that neither of us will be hurting anymore. “May I kiss you?” “Yes.”

His lips fall down to mine. They’re soft against mine. They move with the same grace as he does, but they’re confident. He pulls me flush against his body. The kiss maybe lasted a minute or two, but I felt like it lasted a lifetime. We moved in complete agreement. Where he ended, I began. Where I ended, he began. It was like we became one heart.

I had to pull away to fill my lungs. “Well, it didn’t go like I said, but I hope I helped you with your problem.

Lucifer’s head fell back with laughter. Not a brief chuckle but real, full belly laughter. “I’d say it did. Thank you, doll.”

P.s. I fully believe Satan heard the argument and seeing MC coming out the student council room and he was fully like "how did they not die?"

#otome romance #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me mc #obey me simp #obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me aesthetic #obey me main character #obey me lucifer #lucifer #lucifer x y/n #lucifer x mc

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angelanimedesaray · 3 years

Text

Wings in the Dark Chapter 10: Reparations

AN: Yaaaaaayyyyy I got this one done. For some reason I’ve been in a weird spot where I write more on my phone and my focus is better when I write on my phone, but I’m also super vulnerable to typos because AUTOCORRECT and its just harder for me to spot on the smaller screen with the tiny text, so excuse any typos.

Characters: Levi, Fem!Vampire!Reader, Erwin, Petra, Oluo (Mentioned), Eld (Mentioned)

Pairing: (Eventual) Levi x Fem!Vampire!Reader

Warnings: Language. Ikr, we just got super tame after a wiiild ride.

Word Count: 5124

<----Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

*Levi’s POV*

“I’ll admit, it would have been nice to know ahead of time that you were going to hijack the interrogation like that to antagonize her.”

Levi ignored the pointed jab at his actions down in the dungeons, gaze instead roaming around and taking stock of the people they past in a surveillance instinct too ingrained into his being by now for him to shut it off even going down the street towards a tea shop.

Considering L/N could hear so far out, even when she wasn’t paying attention, Erwin and Levi had decided to leave headquarters entirely to have this conversation. Which was why they were now headed for a tea shop instead of Erwin’s office to discuss something so confidential. Or at least their opinions on the situation, not necessarily the information itself.

"Did you at least get what you wanted out of it?" Erwin asked as they took seats at one of the outside tables.

"I did. Mostly. You?"

"I was skeptical when you told me, but after that little display of hers, she's clearly not human. Not anymore." Erwin leaned back in his seat and appraised Levi, their conversation pausing momentarily as they placed their order with the waitress that came outside to check on them. Once she went back inside, Erwin continued. "If you have more questions, why didn't you ask them before we left?"

"It had nothing to do with why we were there. Personal curiosity. And it didn't seem like the time to ask."

Especially after he'd goaded her like that, making jabs at painful memories for her until she reacted, throwing harsh accusations at her semi-blindly and seeing if anything stuck. The last thing she would want to do would be to give clarifying details about her past traumas to satiate his curiosity.

Her tale made her origins make more sense, but there were a few details that still weren't so clear to him.

The way she explained it, she was attacked and turned by a vampire the night before--for reasons unknown, he noticed. She hadn't said why she was turned, or by who. She'd actually glossed over that part and moved on--and then went home, not knowing what happened to her, thinking she was sick. Her friend came to visit her, Y/N lost control, attacked and killed her, then fled. He was sure there were details to make the tale far more gruesome, but this was what he knew for sure without letting his imagination run wild.

But then she'd shown up dead a few days later as well. That was the part he was trying to figure out.

“Some deaths, okay, fine, I'll come back from it.”

So, she ran away after the initial panic, and then came back solely to fake her death so they wouldn't keep looking for her.

And by fake her death, she went for a...temporary death, something she would come back from.

But why go so far as to let herself be buried? It was a closed casket funeral, so she could have snuck out before they sealed the casket and no one would have known. Why wait?

He hadn't forgotten the fear and trauma in her eyes when she'd mentioned being buried alive was one of her deepest fears. And now the mental image in his mind of a woman clawing desperately at a coffin, screaming for help while no one could hear her had a face to go with it, the face of someone he knew, no less.

It was humanly impossible to break out of a grave and crawl your way out. But if you had vampire strength, and every time you suffocated from the lack of oxygen or the dirt crushing down on you and maybe even getting into your lungs...then it was possible. So long as you died a few times on the way up.

Shit...something like that had to do some damage to a person.

Not to mention what came after. Forty years living in the Underground, roughly. He'd only been down there a little over half the time she had. And he hadn't spent it like she had--skulking in the shadows killing people because what she was demanded she kill to survive no matter where she was, and she couldn't go above ground not because it was denied to her, but because if she did she would literally die. Yeah, he'd killed plenty of people in the Underground as well, but far less, and for a reason that was entirely different even if it could be worded the same. He killed in fights because the Underground was that dangerous, or he was protecting people he cared about. She had to actively hunt and kill people to...feed.

If she'd been in the Underground before he was even born...he wondered if they had ever crossed paths, and he just didn't remember.

Hell, with her criteria for who she hunted and killed, he was surprised she hadn't killed Kenny in all that time with him Underground.

Or maybe she had, after Kenny left. It wasn't like Levi would know. Though he was fairly certain the man had gone topside, which would mean out of her reach and away from her hunting grounds.

If only there was an alternative to her diet. She’d laid out why it couldn’t be helped, and he understood that, they were good reasons. But still, if there was another way...

“You're thinking about something rather hard over there, Levi,” Erwin commented, and Levi realized he’d been staring intently at the table and had even failed to notice that the waitress was in the process of delivering their tea. Erwin was also watching him, though his hands were still in motion, his analytical gaze fixated on Levi’s still form. Shaken out of his thoughts, Levi leaned back so he wasn’t leaning forward intently anymore, picking up his teacup to start drinking before it got cold. Erwin waited until the waitress left to continue talking. “Is it something I should know about her? Another hunch, maybe? The last one was mostly right.”

Levi snorted softly at that. Mostly right his ass. He’d been thinking murder and treason and assassinations, someone out to get them, someone seeking to harm people in the Scouts. Ulterior motives and selfishness, malice.

Maybe the murder hadn’t been that far off, considering her body count, if he did the math right in his head. And maybe she had been hiding a secret. Perhaps she was dangerous, but so was Levi. It didn’t mean she was an enemy.

“No,” he said curtly, putting an end to Erwin thinking Levi might be holding out on him regarding his suspicions after how off they’d both been about this situation. “Like I said, it doesn't have to do with whether or not she's trustworthy and if she should be in the Scouts. Just personal curiosity.”

“So you believe her? About her intentions?” Erwin asked casually before taking a sip from his cup, eyes cast down as he spoke but flickering up to gauge Levi’s reaction once he finished speaking.

Levi eyed him because of the look on his face, but answered nonetheless. “...I do. She was sincere down there, some would say too honest. Most people try to hide the fact they’ve killed hundreds--thousands--of people, or that they could kill the people who didn’t trust them without blinking an eye, but she was upfront about it. She didn’t have to be. She’s dangerous, that’s a reality no matter how you look at it, but she’s attempting to channel that into helping instead of just causing damage.” Levi sighed, setting down his cup. “I assumed a lot about her intentions and where she came from, and it's going to bite me in the ass.”

And he was probably going to have to put some effort into making amends after all this--especially with how he’d antagonized her down there and clearly crossed a boundary. Several boundaries, actually. And now that the moment had passed, the guilt was starting to settle in. He’d accused her about some harsh stuff, some of which she was sensitive about, given her reactions. She was the one who had to live with what she was, so he doubted someone going after the very things you might cling to in order to retain your humanity was something anyone would take kindly to. After she saved his life--even if it had also been her that had almost killed him to begin with--after she protected him from herself and other vampires, even if he wasn’t aware, after she’d gone out of her way to learn from and appease the entire squad, after going through years of training to get where she was now, after putting so much at risk when she could have stayed safely in the shadows, after trying so hard to find a place topside, he’d jabbed at pretty much everything. Her basic motives, her humanity, her intentions, her personality, everything.

He had a lot of damage control to do moving forward if they were going to keep working together. He sincerely hoped he’d only damaged the well and hadn’t poisoned the water. A damaged well he could fix, but a poisoned water supply…

Levi’s gaze narrowed at Erwin as he realized the other man still hadn’t said anything, his suspicions solidifying.

“What about you? Do you think she’s a risk you’re willing to take?” Levi asked, echoing her words from down in the dungeon Levi had immediately known would catch Erwin’s attention.

“I am a man who likes a good gamble,” Erwin said with a bittersweet smile, resting his cheek on his fist as he considered the situation before them. “As long as she’s not attacking other Scouts, she’s trying to keep her bloodlust under control, she’s not causing problems for or bringing more danger upon the Scouts...I don’t see why we shouldn’t let her stay. From the sounds of it, having a vampire willingly join our ranks wanting to use all those abilities to help our cause is a once in a lifetime chance. She’s offering it on a silver platter. As long as she can keep herself under control, which she’s been able to do so far, I say we take her up on her offer.”

“And if she can’t? If something happens and she loses control?” Levi asked, eyebrows raised. She’d said it herself, she was a threat, there was always a chance something could happen, and that shouldn’t be forgotten. But what would they do if she did slip up with no sign of being able to correct herself before it got out of hand?

“Then she’ll be our responsibility to take care of,” Erwin said evenly, gazing at Levi in a way that made him believe Levi would be the one to take care of her if she stepped out of line. He had the best chance, yes, but it would still be risky. “Hopefully we won’t have to kill her if anything goes wrong, she’s valuable, and it would be a huge setback to lose her vampire abilities...but if it ever comes to that…”

“It won’t be a problem,” Levi said flatly. He meant that in the matter of conflict of interest, not that killing her if it ever came to that wouldn’t be difficult.

Erwin nodded. “She stays in the Scouts, then. I’ll have to factor in all this new information about where best to put her. She probably shouldn’t be anywhere near medical, for her sanity’s sake. And Levi?” Levi fixed him with a stare as if to ask what the hell was up with his change of tone, which Erwin ignored. “Considering the strangling tension between the two of you down in the dungeon, are you going to ease up now that you have the story--for the most part--or do I need to switch her to a different squad?”

Levi scoffed. “I’m not going to apologize for being angry about the fact that she kills people, Erwin.”

“It's not like she has much of a choice, from the sound of it. And she’s doing rather well, given her situation. A lot of thought had to have gone into coming topside and joining the Scouts, how to pull it off. She was ready with those questions, and considering she wasn’t planning on us figuring out what she was, that means she already went over those questions herself. She’s going with what she believes to be the best route, and considering she’s more of an expert on the subject than we’ll probably ever be…”

Levi waved him off--he didn’t need this explanation, he already knew this. She wasn’t going to prey on innocent people, she couldn’t afford to downgrade her diet too much considering she needed to be in peak health and control fighting in the Scouts, and she couldn’t just stop unless she wanted to die a slow and agonizing death.

Starvation over decades, maybe even centuries…

Regular starvation was bad enough, he knew that from personal experience. He couldn’t imagine going out like that--he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Especially self-inflicted.

Levi’s gaze wandered to the few people in the street, moving idly from one person to the next, not really paying them any attention beyond basic people watching as he brought himself to his decision.

While he understood her position, that didn’t mean he was entirely comfortable with it. But was he willing to try and make this work, to keep her on his squad--this time as his decision, not a decision Erwin made in the name of surveillance--and see if things could still work out despite the mess this entire ordeal had turned into that almost ended in his death.

Was it a damaged well, or poisoned water?

Was he going to cut his losses, or try to fix this?

“...Don’t put her on another squad,” he finally told Erwin. “She’ll still have her skills put to the best use with my Squad. I’ll figure out how to deal with...everything.”

He was going to try and make this work, despite the current friction between them.

The only question now, was how?

Erwin was the one to tell L/N that she was staying in the Scouts, of course, and by extension he was also the one to tell her she'd remain on Levi's squad, and that it was Levi's job to keep an eye on her and make sure she stayed in line. As for Levi, it was back to business as usual while Erwin handled speaking with L/N.

And two days later, Levi abruptly decided that everyone was going to do a deep clean of HQ, assigning everyone at least one room, with L/N having two considering how fast and how well she cleaned, and himself having three so that he had plenty of time to think while he was cleaning.

Now that his concerns about betrayal and deceit had been assuaged, he could finally allow the softer sides of her he’d glimpsed to settle in his mind, too. Between the darker side he now had a better picture of and the person he’d been seeing since she joined the Scouts, he could finally form a more complete picture of the new person on his squad and start to decide what he thought of her.

Any lingering concepts in his mind that she wasn’t up to the job went out the window--except for a general concern about her being around too much blood. She hadn’t been in the middle of a truly hairy expedition with people dying left and right. She’d been struggling when he was bleeding out in front of her--what would it be like when there were people dying bloody all around her?

Then again, she’d already pointed out that his blood was particularly alluring.

That was still an odd thing to think about--he was probably going to do his best not to think about it.

He wasn’t too worried about her being able to hand the more...psychological stresses of being a Scout. If she could handle being directly responsible for death, and being around it so much after living in and hunting in the Underground, she might fare better than most in the environment.

If it hadn't been the sharper, harder edge he'd seen to her personality in the dungeon, the knowledge of the things she'd already seen and been through, he'd be worried she had too soft of a temperament and personality for the Scouts. It had been what he'd seen from her before the whole vampire thing came out.

She was the woman who went out of her way to comfort the horses and make sure they knew they could trust her. Who sat in the field with the horses and simply soaked in the sun's rays while drawing whatever she could see--namely horses, at least once the man who had been watching her, yet she never said a word. She was the woman with a tea garden in a hidden corner of the Scout’s headquarters so that she could save more of her salary...and use it to shelter and provide for the parents who didn't know, and would probably never know, they're daughter was still alive. The woman who snuck treats out to the horses from her own plate, who'd gotten at least half of Levi’s squad drinking their tea with a bit of white sage for health purposes--only Levi aware of just how much it was actually doing for them. The one who had asked for a different kind of lesson or tutoring from each squad member so they wouldn’t feel like she was some air-headed newbie that thought she was better than everyone because she was put on a fast track to Levi’s squad fresh out of the cadets, so that they could feel like they were still teaching her something, that she was learning from them. She was the kind of person who made little gestures like covering him with her cloak when she saw him asleep at the table without a second thought, or timing a fresh cup of black tea almost perfectly to help keep him alert when despite his insomnia he would start to feel tired in the middle of the day, who'd risked the loss of a leg to make sure Eld wouldn't get hurt even after Levi killed the Titan, and who had saved his life even though, at the time, doing so was a great risk to her, because he could put a swift end to the life she'd been trying to build above ground.

She was a good person at heart. Complicated as hell, still dangerous and a risk, and she had her skeletons, her demons and dark secrets, her flaws...but still, a good person at heart.

He’d been watching her closely long enough to pick up on all of that and then some, even if he’d tucked most of it away for later evaluation considering at the time he was worried it might be a front for some insidious ulterior motive.

And he had to do something to try and mend the relationship they had. They couldn't function as part of a squad with all this tension and friction, let alone as captain and subordinate, definitely not as a team. There had to be some level of trust if they were going to be working together in the future, and right now, there was pretty much none, mostly because of him. And he had to be the one to make a first step towards repairing the damage that he had inflicted so that they could start building at least the groundwork of a working trust in one another. They would need it when they went out in the field, because all that raw ability meant nothing if they couldn’t function with each other.

Levi scrubbed harder at the stone floor, seeing his fingertips turn pale with the rest of his hands red from the hot soapy water and the pressure he was putting on the brush.

"Captain?"

Levi sighed, leaning back and putting the brush back into the water, turning and lowering the cloth over his face to look over at Petra standing in the doorway with a broom in hand.

"Oluo says he's done with his room, he's just waiting for your inspection," she informed him, though the look on her face was enough to tell him he'd be telling Oluo to do it all over again as soon as he saw it.

"I'll do it when I'm finished," Levi answered, raising the cloth over his face and pulling out the brush to start scrubbing again. "Tell him to make sure he's finished while he waits."

"Yes, Captain," Petra said with a small nod, turning to leave.

"Has L/N finished with her two rooms?" Levi asked before she could leave entirely, focused on a new spot of stone as he spoke instead of looking up at her.

"Yes, sir. She actually went outside, out front, to do some extra cleaning while she waited for you to be ready to inspect the rooms."

She was also really good at cleaning. She had to be, right? She'd lived below ground longer than he had, and her senses were extra sensitive. One bad smell must be torture for her, the dust probably setting off her sensitive nose with the slightest buildup, her sight probably making it easier to pick out grime, and her speed making her a faster cleaner than anyone here--when she didn't have to slow down because she was being watched by someone who didn't know what she was. No wonder she was so damn good at cleaning, why he hadn't found any flaws with it to date.

It almost felt like cheating to him, for some reason.

He pressed unnecessarily hard down on the brush again, feeling the bristles bend and strain slightly in the brush, his fingertips turning pale again.

"Tell her when she's finished with whatever she's doing right now to come up here," Levi told Petra, offering no more explanation as he continued scrubbing at the floor.

“Yes, sir.”

Petra left after that, and Levi focused on the room around him--his third room, mind you, and he was almost done. His hands were red, a little raw, too, but it wasn’t anything serious. He just kept getting lost in his thoughts while he was cleaning, and instead of calming down like he normally did when he cleaned, he’d tense up at those moments where he got lost in his thoughts. He was going over his attempt at a peace offering over and over again, well aware that he wasn’t the best...people person, that communication on a social or emotional level was not his strong suit. But he was hoping the intention behind the gesture would be clear. She wasn’t an idiot--she was smart. There was a decent chance she’d be able to see what he was trying to do.

Hopefully.

Levi was just starting to finish up, finishing with a bit of polish on the metal in the room when L/N finally made her appearance, standing in the doorway with similar cleaning additions to her uniform as him, though she had an apron on that was currently tucked up and into her straps to keep any dirt from falling onto the floor while she walked.

She must have been doing some garden and yard work, then. Pulling weeds or something like that out front. At least she wasn’t tracking dirt everywhere, from what he could see--and his eyes were scanning her and her surroundings carefully to make sure she wasn’t about to ruin his hard work.

“You wanted to see me, Captain?” she asked formerly, keeping her gaze fixed on him instead of letting it wander around the room at anything other than him.

That was a start, at least. He’d be worried this entire rebuilding the bridge thing wouldn’t work out well if she couldn’t even look him in the eyes.

But the tension was still there, thick and uncomfortable, enough to put even him on edge. There was a distance in her posture, a different kind of guarded than when he’d been snooping around and watching her every move. Like she was hyper-aware of what he was going to think of her moving forward.

He was still coming to a decision about that one, honestly.

“You’re going to start training with me,” Levi said with no lead up, causing her eyebrows to raise in surprise, opening her mouth like she was about to ask questions before she quickly closed it again, since he continued to talk as if her reaction didn’t phase him in the slightest or give him any kind of pause. “You’ve got some things to work on before the next expedition. Two lessons a day, sparring and ODM gear. Make sure you make the time for it.”

“Ah, Captain...I’m not sure if I...should…” she said hesitantly, caught between obeying what was close to a command from her Captain and a reluctance to take him up on the lessons because...what, was the tension that bad for her that she didn’t think she could train with him? Did she not want to be anywhere near him any more than she already was? Did she think she would make him uncomfortable? Did she not like the thought of being alone with him?

That was a viable concern, actually.

Or maybe she just thought there wasn’t anything he could teach her.

On the contrary--she’d said herself that she was having trouble with the ODM gear. She’d said one of her risks was that she reacted too fast for the gear to keep up with her, sometimes. That was a problem, especially in a situation where one needed to rely on instincts--how could you rely on instincts while also trying to muffle them to lower to the level of the gear, or nearby people?

She needed help finding the middle ground, or at least training herself to instinctually pace herself so she didn’t outpace the gear in an emergency. Like she’d pointed out herself, that kind of mistake could be the difference between life and death, even for her.

As for the sparring...well, the only people here that came close to matching their skills was each other. Who else were they going to spar besides each other? Besides, it would be refreshing to have someone he could actually go all out on that would be a challenge for him. He was sure the same applied for her, now that she didn’t have to hold back to keep her secret hidden.

If that had been the reason she’d thrown the fight the first time they’d sparred.

Plus, all that raw strength and speed meant nothing if she didn’t know how to use it. He could still teach her things, show her some techniques she could use in a fight, that kind of thing.

Is offer to teach her was his way of offering an olive branch to her...and he didn’t take too kindly to her starting to turn down the offer.

Levi narrowed his eyes slightly at her as she continued to cast about for a solid excuse to turn him down. Most people here would kill for one on one lessons from him--a fact he was well aware of. Yet here she was, proving just how out of the ordinary she was as she seemed to be beyond just the vampire thing, trying to weasel out of it. “What? Don’t think you have anything to learn because you’re so naturally gifted?” he asked in a jab much softer than his accusations during their interrogation.

“No, it’s just…” she started to say with a frustrated sigh, looking over her shoulder like she was looking at someone, even though no one was there. “Eld’s already giving me ODM gear lessons…”

Was that really it? He doubted it. Yes, Eld was teaching her a few things, Levi was aware, but it wasn’t the same as what Levi was offering to teach her. And it wasn’t a reason to turn him down in the first place. Just another excuse. Unless she was really worried about what the others would think if she got not only one daily private lesson with Levi, but two. As much as Levi was usually of the opinion “To hell what other people think,” this one he could see where she was coming from if it was the case. She’d just gotten the others to warm up to her despite their grumbling and cold shoulders after the extremely green rookie got sped through all the tape and obstacles right into Levi’s Squad while they put in hard work and were hand picked by Levi after some time in the Scouts after displaying their own strengths and skills over a period of time. It must have looked like favoritism--and Levi giving her double private lessons wasn’t going to help anything.

It didn’t change the fact that she still needed them or could benefit from them. And that it was a way for them to start making amends...in a roundabout way.

“ODM techniques. Special maneuvers: team and solo, correct?” Levi asked, mostly rhetorically, though she still nodded in confirmation. Levi moved over to the table he was keeping his cleaning supplies on, starting to pack up his things so he could leave to start doing inspections of everyone’s designated rooms. “I’m not going to be teaching you what Eld is. You said you were having problems with reacting too fast for the gear, right?”

Levi spoke pointedly, giving her a sidelong glance so he could gauge her reaction and she could see he was serious about this--and that he didn’t have any ulterior motives. She didn’t protest again. She still looked a little uncomfortable, possibly because of the bump this could cause with the others once they found out, maybe because it meant the two of them were going to be spending more time with one another and they were going to have to get over this tension between them really quickly if they didn’t want to end up at each other’s throats trying to kill each other, but she didn’t protest anymore.

“Four a.m. in the woods for hand to hand. Two hours before dinner on the training grounds for the ODM gear. Don’t be late,” Levi told her, taking his supplies and leaving her behind in the room as his way of dismissing her.

Now to go yell at Oluo for not getting his cleaning job done properly, most likely.

Next Chapter---->

(Strikethroughs Couldn’t Be Tagged)

Levi Tags: @humanitys-hottestsoldier @clary-quinn @sunny-flo @whalerus @thirstyforsometea

Wings in the Dark Tags: @regalillegal @animeluver23 @theshylittleelfgirl @queenthorin1 @dilucs-thighs @sociallyanxiousmouse @subtlepjiminie @hakunamatatayqueen @queenofcurse @linxiajei17 @levisbebe @toni-jones

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sayonarasanity · 3 years

Text

dandelion

summary: Maybe, it was the fact that Levi was being a lesser bitch than usual recently, for almost four months actually and hell when he thought about it, Erwin was in fact relatively late to see the signs. But the signs were, to his credit, so transparent no one could blame him for not noticing them any time sooner. Because at first, he had believed that the reason why Levi was acting just a slightly bit kinder towards the people in the office, was perhaps the tea machine he had bought himself which was excellent at steeping tea and good tea always brought his spirits up. But now he suspects the reason might not be something that simple.

AO3

Erwin was quick to catch the signs.

The signs, however, were subtle also as fast to disappear. Like the bubbles on boiling water, there were plenty of them but only if you were observant and in Erwin’s case bored enough to catch them. And he didn’t even know if he was interpreting them correctly. Levi was, always had been quite a private man. Despite being friends with him for years there were still times he had to squint to pick up the altering lines of emotions on his face, or times he had to get him drunk for good for Levi to spill out what was bothering him lately. Fortunately, it wasn’t that hard to understand that something was in fact bothering him—he had a habit of being a bigger bitch than he already was at those times.

So maybe, it was the fact that Levi was being a lesser bitch than usual recently, for almost four months actually and hell when he thought about it, Erwin was in fact relatively late to see the signs. But the signs were, to his credit, so transparent no one could blame him for not noticing them any time sooner. Because at first, he had believed that the reason why Levi was acting just a slightly bit kinder towards the people in the office, was perhaps the tea machine he had bought himself, which was excellent at steeping tea and good tea always brought his spirits up. But now he suspects the reason might not be something that simple.

Apart from the tiny change in attitude, the first sign he caught was the umbrella or rather the lack of it.

“Morning,” he greeted as they both stepped inside the elevator. The rain had started simultaneously with the sunrise and hadn’t ceased since. It was a heavy one which caused the temperature to decrease a few degrees. And Erwin knew that this kind of weather was not Levi’s favourite. It was like the dark clouds were somehow linked to his mood, he was surprisingly fast to be affected by them, negatively. As an addition, he absolutely loathed being soaked and if he were to forget his umbrella or couldn’t find it before leaving the house then it was farewell to serenity for the day.

“Morning,” replied Levi, nodding and stood beside him as he pressed upon the button seven, leaving a drop of water slipping down through the buttons as he retreated his hand. And he combed his wet hair back, then used his hand to wipe the raindrops from his face which… didn’t work for both his face and his hand were almost equally wet. He must’ve walked the way from home to the subway then the way from the subway to work.

Erwin noticed that he had been staring not very subtly at Levi. “Forgot your umbrella again?” He asked, smiling to wipe the stupid look on his face.

Levi threw him a very brief glance and Erwin tensed involuntarily because here came the scolding. He was going to pay back trying to talk to a very soaked and a very grumpy Levi Ackerman—

“No.” Erwin blinked because he had actually answered and the tone of his voice was, well not the warmest of voices for sure, but it was at least neutral. “I lent it to a friend.”

“I see,” Erwin nodded, and the elevator stopped after seconds. And it was not until they both left the elevator, walk through the office and he chatted with colleagues on the way to his desk and hung his jacket then his umbrella that he noticed—

Yesterday, Levi had an umbrella.

It wasn’t raining yesterday but the weathercast on their phones was saying that it would start by the time they left work, hence Levi had come prepared, but it hadn’t rained. So, if he had lent it to someone it was either after work, which was unlikely, or it was this morning before he left for work.

Which meant, Erwin thought startlingly as he blinked at the soaked cloth of his own umbrella, that someone, his friend whoever they were, possibly had stayed the night. And the thing was just like how it was impossible to stop the raindrops in mid-air by mental force, it was just as unlikely for someone like Levi, who was so strict about his boundaries, and who had extremely firm rules about hygiene, to let a friend stay at his home. He didn’t even have that many friends, to begin with. Unless that friend was someone overly special, someone, whom he thought was worth flexing those boundaries. And through their years’ worth of friendship, Erwin had never encountered someone as such.

“No way,” he whispered, amused. He genuinely hoped that he wasn’t reading too much into it because Heaven knows he could use some fun especially if it was brought by famous Levi I-feel-nothing- Ackerman.

No matter how delightful to think it was, Erwin was not a man to jump to conclusions. The possibility of him making things up was obviously there, solidly. But it wasn’t like he was going to give up that easily. Gingerly, while trying hard not to expose himself, he followed the tell-tale hints as much as he could. Hints like him being more laid back, his features being more relaxed replacing the ever-present scowl every now and then. He was also somewhat absent at times and was looking at his phone more frequently than usual.

Levi was a firmly shut chest and not everyone had the key to open him. And contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t a mean person per se. He was simply a little cold, distant and didn’t like to accept everyone in his life easily. Such demeanour was to be misinterpreted, rightfully so. But Erwin kind of saw it as a defence mechanism, plus for someone like Levi who had a complicated background, it was to be understood. To be honest, he was one of the nicest, tactful and merciful people Erwin had ever met and also the only one who had the ability to masterfully hide that softer side of him.

Yet, as the clues dropped bit by bit Erwin realized that recently he wasn’t that good at hiding it.

He was coming back from the kitchen having refilled his cup with fresh coffee just yet when he saw Levi sitting at his desk, his back facing him. Erwin’s desk was the one in front of Levi’s, just behind the divide that separated them. He took a sip from his coffee; the hot liquid burned his tongue, and the stream brushed his cheeks. And just as he lowered the cup and gulped down the coffee in his mouth, realizing that it wasn’t actually that fresh, he saw it.

The faint, barely visible, ghost of a smile on Levi’s lips while looking at something on his phone.

Erwin blinked a couple of times to make sure that it wasn’t the fog of the coffee that was playing with his vision. Then focused on his friend’s face to get a better look at it. It wasn’t like Levi never smiled, he did. Occasionally. But they were generally mocking, or amused, or belittling, and very rarely sneaky smiles. Not like this one which was curling the tips of his mouth upwards in an almost… oh, I’ll be damned, Erwin thought but it was clear as day, it was in an almost affectionate way.

As if noticing his shocked gaze, Levi locked his phone and just like that the tiny smile was gone, replaced by the regular scowl and blank stare. Hence, closing his mouth Erwin walked closer and sat down on his desk. Then placing his cup on top of the desk he looked at Mike, who was sitting next to him and was furiously typing on his keyboard. Yet, when he did notice his stare, he threw Erwin a questioning look along with a raised brow. But Erwin simply shook his head and got his attention back to his work.

Not yet.

The third and final sign which managed to persuade Erwin at the end was the phone call.

He was about to take a smoke break on the terrace when he saw Levi talking on his phone. Erwin wasn’t the type to listen to people’s conversations. He had very strict moral rules about the whole respect the privacy issues. But he was extremely bored and getting a little impatient about learning exactly what was going on with Levi—surely a simple way like directly asking him would solve his problem but he would very likely gain nothing with that. If Levi had wanted, he would have told him months ago.

So, he accidentally happened to eavesdrop on the conversation.

“Use the shower too,” he was saying when Erwin stood behind him near enough to hear but far enough not to be noticed. “I don’t want you to get my furniture dirty.”

He couldn’t hear what the person on the other end of the line was saying. He eyed Levi who was drawing a breath from his cigarette at the moment and put one between his lips as he watched cautiously. Levi then blew out the smoke and pinched his nose, seemingly irritated. “No,” he said. “No, dumbass. How many times do I have to tell you? Put the whites and blacks separately. Or best, don’t even touch the laundry. You’ll mess up my shirts.”

He tapped the end of his cigarette with his index finger causing the ashes to fly away with the wind. He listened to what they were saying for a while, drawing one or two breaths from the smoke he placed on his mouth. And when he turned his head a little to the side, Erwin saw that tiny, barely visible smile on his lips again. “Do it if you think you can. Just don’t burn my kitchen.”

Miracle. Had someone cast a spell upon him? He was offering his shower, his kitchen and almost his laundry to someone who was clearly not an expert on any of these things.

“Alright,” he said pressing the butt of the cigarette on the metal trash bin near him. “Will you stay the night?”

Erwin felt his brows shot upwards upon his question and he watched with even more shock the blush, the knots of red appearing on his cheeks. Blush! Had he accidentally stepped into an alternate reality?

“Dumbass,” he said once more, and Erwin caught it in his tone this time. Affection. “Stay. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Only when Levi left the terrace without even a glance at Erwin and the trace of the smile still more or less evident on his lips, Erwin realized that he had forgotten to light up his cigarette.

Erwin didn’t really like gossip. He usually saw it as a waste of time, and he was too busy to involve in such dialogues anyway. So, he made sure to stay clear from the drama as much as he could.

But this time it was different.

He blamed it on the brain-numbing, boring texts that he had to redact and edit, and do the same each day to the texts which so very rarely changed in context. Boredom, he declared, was the perpetrator of his actions.

“Mike,” he whispered during the lunch break. Levi had left alone, saying that he had other things to do. “Hey.”

“What?” Mike asked, not taking his eyes away from the screen of his phone, locked on the game he was playing.

“I think,” Erwin started, checking his surroundings to make sure no one was near them. “I think Levi is seeing someone.”

Mike’s fingers on the screen froze and his eyes slowly travelled from his phone to Erwin. It lasted merely a couple of seconds for him to snatch the air pod from his ear, pause the game and move his chair closer to him. “Tell me more.”

And so, Erwin did. He told him about the lent umbrella, the affectionate smile, the little hints he picked up and finally the phone call he had just witnessed. Mike listened to him, humming and caressing his beard with his hand thoughtfully.

“What do you think?” Erwin asked, wondering if Mike had taken the same impressions as him or it was just Erwin who was actually reading too much into things because of the boring office life he had.

Mike hummed again, bending his lips down and squinting. “You said you saw him smiling affectionately?”

“Yes.”

“Was it creepy?”

“Well, no. Not really.”

“That should mean something, man,” Mike said. “Maybe he brought a cat?”

“He cannot possibly talk to a cat on the phone, Mike” Erwin pointed out. “And lend it his umbrella.”

Mike nodded, agreeing. Erwin rolled his eyes. It wasn’t his fault that he had no one else to gossip about Levi. “Who could they be then?” He asked. “Do you think we know them?”

Erwin shook his head. He couldn’t think of anyone Levi would be interested in. He never properly talked to the people in the office in the first place. “I don’t know.”

“We should find out,” Mike sounded excited as he said so and Erwin relaxed upon realizing that obviously, his interpretations were not that far-fetched.

“How?” To be frank, he too was very curious about the identity of the person who somehow managed to bring the softer side of Levi out in the daylight. Then, putting his more rational part into action, he said, “We can just ask him though.”

“But where’s the fun in that, Erwin?” Mike laid his head backwards and threw him a very disappointed stare. “We need some action and some movement here. I’m selling my soul to this computer every day in exchange for very little money. Also,” he raised a finger, eyes illuminating playfully. “Man, what if he is in love? Hilarious.”

“He is not a robot, you know,” Erwin said, feeling the need to defend his friend.

Mike shrugged and leaned back, turning himself left and right on his seat, lost in thought. “A wedding would do,” he murmured to himself then snapped his fingers. “Nile!”

“What about him?”

“He is getting married this weekend?” He raised his brows at Erwin like he couldn’t believe how he forgot the fact that their old friend was getting married to his very first love.

“Yeah,” Erwin nodded, stopping himself from wrinkling his face as if he tasted something sour in his mouth. “Right.”

Mike put his elbow on his desk and rested his chin on his palm, watching him. “You plan on coming?”

“Sure.” Marie was a rusty and old memory he had left in the past which he would cherish for the rest of his life. But no matter the history he was happy for them both.

“If Levi comes, he might bring the mysterious significant other too, don’t you think?”

Erwin hummed, not a bad idea. “Yeah, actually.”

Mike grinned and stretched his long arms above his head. “Let’s wait and see.”

Levi came to the wedding alone.

Mike and Erwin silently exchanged glances between each other throughout the ceremony but didn’t dare to talk about it out loud. Levi was most of the time busy with his phone, typing. And when he wasn’t they chatted among themselves about work, finance, politics and sports but it never came to anything about the significant others which the two men obviously didn’t have.

Towards the end of the night, after bidding their farewell and congrats to the happy couple Mike offered to go to a bar to have a couple of drinks. Erwin accepted as he had nothing better to do anyway other than maybe starting The Office all over again. He seriously needed something that wouldn’t make him remember his work.

To their surprise, Levi accepted the offer too. And an even bigger surprise came after when the three of them got into Mike’s car to get to the place he had been nagging them about. “A friend of mine might join us later,” he said. “Would that be a problem?”

A quick, excited and wide-eyed exchange of looks with Mike later, Erwin replied, “Why would it be a problem?” He smiled at Levi who was sitting in the back seat.

“It would be great!” Mike exclaimed, and Erwin glared at him, warning. “Do we know them?”

“No, you don’t,” Levi replied curtly. And that was the end of the conversation.

The place Mike took them was freshly opened, clean and not so crowded. They settled on a seat near the window, ordering their drinks. Erwin could tell from the way Levi traced his eyes around the bright floors, polished marbles, and the altering lights that he had liked it.

“So, who is that friend of yours?” Mike asked, his eyes following Levi like a lion slowly getting closer to its prey.

“You’ll find out when she comes here,” came the brief and clear reply. Levi’s eyes were sharp as if indicating that he wouldn’t fall for any of his wordplays.

“You’re no fun,” Mike muttered with dismay as he raised his glass to his lips.

“Ask me if I care.”

“Do you?” Mike asked with an annoying smirk.

“Fuck off.”

“Sorry, I’m late!” A loud, cheerful voice interrupted their bickering. Then a slender, brown-haired woman sat down next to Levi. There was a smile blindingly wide on her lips, oval-shaped frameless glasses were a little slipped down on her nose, and the eyes behind the lenses were a light shade of brown, almost hazel. Her hair was sloppily tied, and the strands that covered her face looked smooth.

And under the curious gazes of the two men, she leaned forward to leave a peck on Levi’s cheek.

Levi coughed and flushed, then tried to hide it behind his glass, taking a long sip from his drink. “This is Hanji,” he said after putting the glass down on the table, but he had failed at wiping the redness away from his cheeks. “Hanji, this is Erwin and Mike. My co-workers.”

“Hanji Zoe,” she beamed at them as she extended her hand to shake their hands. “Levi told me a lot about you.”

“Oh?” Erwin couldn’t help but be somewhat taken aback.

“Well, on the contrary,” Mike spoke up, voicing Erwin’s confusion. “He never told us about you.”

Hanji glanced at Levi who raised a brow at them. “You never asked.”

Wait. Was it really that simple? Seriously? After all the detective work he had done and the passion he had put into it. “You would’ve told us?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s kind of new anyway,” Hanji said, wrapping an arm around Levi’s shoulders. Erwin noticed the slope of Levi’s body against Hanji’s as if he were gravitating towards her. “We’re still trying to get used to it.”

The body language told a lot, Erwin observed. “Seems like you already have,” he blurted and when he realized what he had said the words were already out and heard.

Thankfully, Hanji didn’t seem to have found his statement absurd. “Oh, you think so?” she giggled, and her cheeks coloured as she directed her eyes at Levi. And she hummed softly when their gazes locked. “Maybe.”

Her lips remained curled upwards on the corners, and Erwin couldn’t see the expression in both of their eyes and neither of them spoke, but he felt like words wouldn’t suffice for whatever had been exchanged between them in those short seconds. He watched as Levi’s lips tremble and move, shaping a smile that was so small and so barely apparent. Then he contemplated about how easy it was actually to see happiness in someone who very rarely let his emotions surface. Like dandelions emerging on their own through the mere lawn, right next to the concrete pavements.

“I kind of think it’s creepy though,” Mike whispered, leaning against him.

Erwin snorted amused and finished his drink.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction

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twistedlymad · 4 years

Note

UwU Your writing is amazing !!!!! I loved the puppy and cat escapades \ ^o^ / . Would you be willing to do one in wich the mc is bullied by the extras, because you know, no magic and already a director, how would the boys react?? Will this be the end of the extras?!?? Ill be eternally gratefull. iTs okay if you cant throug. Hope you have a wonderfull day, and dont forget to drink plenty of water, and take breakes. Take care of yourself!!!!

Originally, I had planned this to be another chaos fic, but, I realize while writing this, that bullying is something that cannot be taken lightly. In the Twst Fandom, we also had our fair share of bullying from a few anons and that isn’t okay.

So, in writing this fic, I made it more sentimental and just so you guys know, if you’re having a bad day or a bad time in general, feel free to talk to anyone, including me! Do not ever hold in your sadness.

But anyway, I hope this fic lives up to your expectations anon! Thank you for requesting and have a lovely day!

What if you got bullied? (Ft. Everyone!!)

What was supposed to be a great day, turned out to be the worst day you could ever have at Night Raven College.

Your day started off normally, in fact, it started off well! You woke up with a good mood. You saw the furball that you loved so much beside you, sleeping peacefully. You smiled as you gently shook him awake.

“Grim, wake up, it’s already morning.”

“Fgnaaaaa, five… more minutes…” The sleeping creature said, swatting your hand away. You just shook your head at his antics.

“No can do, remember what Crowley would do if he caught us being late again.” You said and the creature’s eyes immediately shot opened and he jumped out of the bed, scurrying about to get ready for the day. You saw his slightly panicking self and giggled to yourself.

“(Y/N)! We shouldn’t be dancing and prancing! If we do, we’re going to be late!” Said the creature as he saw you heading over to your closet in a small waltz.

“Oh, Grim, I woke you up 10 minutes earlier than usual.” You said as you grabbed your uniform and headed to the bathroom. “You have 10 minutes to spare, take your time.” And you left the mumbling little furball in the room, face planting himself back into the bed after hearing your words.

The first half of your day had gone by rather quick and uneventful, not that you were complaining though. It’s nice to not have fights and chaos to settle every once in a while. You had a lot of laughs and smiles here and there with your group of first-year goofballs.

However, your peaceful day was about to turn upside down.

You were walking back to your classroom. Your friends were reserving your spot in Professor Trein’s class while you went to Crowley’s office to take care of some business involving Ramshackle Dorm. You and Grim made your way down the hall to the class.

Some students saw this and thought it was a great opportunity to make you trip and fall. So, one of them stuck out his leg while you were making you were walking. You didn’t have enough time to react and ended up falling for their antics. You immediately turned your body around so Grim, who was in your hands, would be shielded using your body. Your back hit the ground, HARD. A few gasps here and there were heard.

Grim rose his head from your chest to see you using your elbow to prompt yourself up.

“Fgnaaa! (Y/N)!” The furball immediately went to help you up by providing some support.

“Oh, sorry, didn’t see you there.” The student who tripped you said as his friends were laughing.

“School rules say that no magic or fights are allowed on school grounds.” His friends snickered.

“I’m fine… Just… Let me get up.” You said to Grim, who was still helping you.

“Pffft, look at her, so defenseless, she shouldn’t even be at this school!” The student said harshly.

“Hello?! Night Raven College is a place for prestigious mages. Not humans who can’t use magic and defend themselves.” Another student said to you.

“And to think she’s a prefect! Hahahahaha! You couldn’t even compare to the other dorm leaders!” His friend added and they all agreed.

“Looks like Crowley had made a huge mistake in bringing you here, why don’t you just crawl back to that sad excuse for a dorm of yours alongside your lousy furball!” And the group of students cackled at their snarky comments about you.

You just drooped your head down. Even though you didn’t want to admit it, but, they were right.

You had no magic, you were ridiculed at the entrance ceremony but, Crowley still gave you a place to stay and he even made you an official student here. While others struggled in getting here, you sort of knew why they hated you.

You tried your best to hold in your tears as you felt them pricking at the corner of your eyes while your friends defended you.

But, one comment had pushed past your boundaries.

“You’re not even considered to be human in my eyes! To me, you’re just trash. Go find a trash can and make yourself at home!”

Was… Was this what the other students really thought about you? Trash? Useless? No value? You closed your eyes, taking everything in, ignoring everything and everyone else around you. And proceeded to walk away without saying a single word.

Grim shouted for you but you payed no attention to him and just kept speed walking. Your walking slowly became running and you were then running as fast as you could, just letting your legs lead the way. After awhile of running at full speed, you had slowed down and stopped to take a breather. You looked around to see where you were in order for you to get back to school if needed.

However, you were back at Ramshackle Dorm. Your dorm. The tears you had been holding back flowed out as you took slow steps to the dorm you loved. You went in and closed the door behind you. Leaning your back against the door, you cried out your heart as you slowly slid down.

All the student’s words are stuck in your head, reminding you of what everyone else thinks of you. Your tears just kept flowing as you used your sleeves to wipe them away.

‘They’re right, I’m not meant to be here in the first place.’ You thought to yourself. ‘If everyone hates me so, then, I should just disappear.’ You said in your mind as you stood up and went to your room.

You packed some clothing and madol, ready to leave and hopefully start a new life outside of Night Raven College. You stuffed everything into a duffel bag and went to the main entrance of your dorm. You placed your hand on the doorknob, thinking of a route to leave the school undetected. But when you opened the door…

You were faced with everyone you ever knew.

And I mean everyone! Your group of best friends, the dorm-leaders and your seniors. They were all gathered in front of your dorm.

“Ahh! (Y/N)!! I’m so glad we found you!” Ace said as he, Deuce, Epel, Jack, Sebek and Grim came to hug you. You were surprised, too shocked to even register what had happened.

“We heard about the incident today, we already reported it to the headmaster.” Riddle said.

“But the first-years also reported that you were nowhere to be found. So, we came looking for you and your dorm was the only place we haven’t checked.” Azul continued.

“So, we all gathered here after our search!” Kalim concluded. The first-year boys pulled away from their hug and they noticed your bag.

“(Y/N)? What’s going on? Why are you leaving?” Epel asked you. Your eyes slowly travelled to the bag.

“Um…” You started but Deuce cut you off.

“Is it because of those damned students?” Deuce asked you. “Did they threaten you?”

Now, everyone’s eyes were on you. You averted their stares by lowering your head.

“No…” You said, dropping the duffel bag.

“They didn’t threaten me. But, what they said was true, was it not?” You lifted your head to let everyone see your tear-filled eyes. “I am just a human, I don’t possess any magic powers and yet here I am in this school for magicians. Not only that, but I am also the dorm leader for this dorm and I have been made a prefect! Isn’t that unfair to everyone else?” You said out loud, letting everyone hear you.

“I understand why they would have these kinds of thoughts. I understand why they hate me. That’s why I thought that if I have left, no one would have these kinds of thoughts ever again. After, I am the problem, aren’t I?” You concluded.

Truth be told, the boys were shocked. They… They have never seen this side of you. Heck, they never thought you would be capable of producing these types of thoughts. In their eyes, you were always so cheerful and kind, even when things got out of hand, you would remain calm and solve the problem to the best of your abilities. To think someone this pure and precious to them would have such depressing and degrading thoughts is beyond them.

However, this shocked Grim the most. The creature practically lived with you for so long and he didn’t even have a single clue of this side of you was scaring him.

“No, you’re wrong.” Grim lowly mumbled, but you couldn’t hear him.

“What?” You asked the furball.

“YOU’RE WRONG!” He practically screamed at you.

“Grim-chan…” Cater said softly.

“Even if you did leave, their thoughts won’t change! You’re not the problem! It’s them!” The furball yelled to you. Everyone was taken aback by Grim’s sudden outburst. But the first-years were quick to back him up.

“That’s right! It’s not your fault (Y/N)!” Ace said to you.

“Students at NRC are picked by the mirror of darkness. No one can easily come and go in this school.” Leona reminded everyone.

“Exactly, you arrived here for a reason.” Rook said.

“You assisted us with our overblots, not every child of man could do that.” Malleus said, representing every dorm leader.

“You had us working together in sync during the Inter-High Magift Tournament.” Ruggie added.

“You brought us together as friends.” Sebek stated.

“Most importantly, you let me have a place here at NRC. Because of you, we were only able to attend the school as a student.” Grim said. “No one has ever done something like that for me before.” The creature said as he slowly crawled up to you.

Everyone’s words had stunned you. You were so busy thinking about the negative comments about you, you forgot about all your relationships with your friends and seniors.

Like, how you always had tea in Heartslabyul. Riddle would always invite you to have tea with him and the others, you would enjoy the peacefulness of the dorm under the supervision of their dorm leader. Trey would always ask for your help in the kitchen and you would have a fun time with him while making sweets and desserts for everyone. Cater would whisk you away to either a selfie-session in the dorm’s gardens or a photoshoot in any new place that the he had found to be photogenic. Ace and Deuce would invite you to play croquet with them from time to time, of course, you were very careful with the flamingos and hedgehogs as you didn’t want to hurt any of them, but, you couldn’t resist in using the flamingo to bonk on either Ace’s or Deuce’s head every once in awhile. It’s okay though, the flamingo understood completely.

Like, how you always trained yourself in Savanaclaw. Leona would sometimes go easy on you if you were invited to join one of their many Magift activities, although, you weren’t sure if he was pitying you or he was just being lazy in general. You would help Ruggie prepare food for everyone as you knew he could use an extra hand or two, it also meant you could pick up a new recipe here and there and you got to taste test all the food. Jogging sessions with Jack were also a normal thing, hey, if you’re going to be joining in Magift tournaments without magic powers, the least you could do is train yourself physically.

Like, how you always felt welcomed at Octavinelle. Azul would welcome you into the VIP lounge when Mostro Lounge was extremely busy and you couldn’t find a place to sit at. You would also help out around Mostro Lounge when you saw that the place was packed to the brim. Usually, Jade would entrust you with drinks while he and Floyd went to prepare food for everyone else. When Mostro Lounge closed its doors for the day, you would enjoy some tea with the three underwater mermen or you and Grim would play around with Floyd, pranking other students and dorm leaders. Heck, you and Floyd even pulled off a few enormous pranks against the staff members.

Like, how you would be invited to feasts and parties at Scarabia. Kalim would always have a big smile on his face whenever he invited you to go dine with him at Scarabia. Jamil always appreciated your help in the dorm, let it be helping him prepare food for the party that Kalim had just decided to have five minutes ago or just keeping an eye on the dorm leader while he went to settle some other business involving the dorm.

Like, how you would have small makeovers at Pomefiore. Every time you walked past the beauty-queen/king, you were immediately stopped by him, because either your bow or tie was crooked or your hair was a mess, well no matter the case, Vil would fix it for you. When you visited Pomefiore from time to time, Vil would take the chance to give you high quality beauty products to try and he would always go on a rant on how you should always take care of your image. Sometimes, Rook would sweep you away just to go on a mini hunt with him. Although, let’s be real here, you two always ended up spying on Leona at the Botanical Gardens while he skipped his classes. Epel would whisk you away to his room and teach you to on how to carve apples. You managed to carve a few of the staff members and even your friends onto the apples, of course, you would carve on a few extra features onto your masterpieces. Like, say, a moustache for Ace or funky-looking ears for Crowley. You also helped to keep Epel in check whenever Vil and Rook were teaching the first-years on table manners and proper etiquette.

Like, how you would enjoy mini-gaming sessions at Ignihyde. Usually, you would initiate the session with Idia. You two ended up playing both Co-Op and PvP games. While playing games that require you to cooperate, the two of you would discuss your plans and pick out the best course of action. The same cannot be said for Free-For-All games though. A few minor insults here and there are thrown between the two of you. But at the end, the victor will always do a little happy dance before continuing onto the next game. You loved Ortho like your own brother! Always treating him to various desserts and helping him drag his brother out from his room. Ortho looks up to you like a sister as well. There may have been a few times he’s actually called you big sis.

Like, how you would go on quaint little walks at Diasomnia. If you needed a breather, you would usually find yourself at Diasomnia. Due to a large forest surrounding the building and the silent atmosphere the dorm provides, it is the exact place where you would go to take a walk to clear your mind. Malleus would sometimes accompany you on these quaint little walks. You and Tsunotaro would chat about your everyday lives and problems the first-years would create. Lilia would make some tea for you after your walks and you would enjoy the tea and bits of biscuits and crumpets alongside the tea. You would also break up arguments between Silver and Sebek. The two would get into fights about the tiniest of things, from blaming each other for losing track of Malleus to blaming each other for not preparing for a test. Sometimes, Silver would accompany you on your walk instead of Malleus and you two would also have little chats here and there. Other than that, Sebek’s view of you actually improved after befriending him. He used to think you were a powerless human as well but after spending time with him and your friends, he realizes that you aren’t just any human being.

But for Grim, you had the greatest impact in his life. You accepted him, you took care of him, you loved him. And he loved you back, just as much. To him, you were his family since he had never had one.

In conclusion, you matter.

You. Are. Of. Value.

You are precious to them, you bring peace to them, you brought them together as a whole.

Once that thought had nested in your brain, you realized that you were foolish in having these thoughts in the first place.

“I’m sorry…” You said, crying. Grim went and hugged you.

“It’s not your fault… Just know that we’re here for you.” Said the furball as everyone also came and comforted you. You had spent the day with them as a whole, you watched a few movies, horror movies in that case. It was fun hearing the dorm leaders and their members scream shout yell made a loud sound whenever a jumpscare appeared.

You guys also played games together, but, I am not allowed to share any details because I actually know nothing. No, I’m totally not being threatened here Reader-san, don’t worry about me.

Send help pls.

Also, after the bullying incident, the boys were a bit more protective around you when in class/school. Usually, your group of first-years would accompany you wherever you go, let it be from your dorm to the cafeteria or from the class to another dorm, at least one of them will be at your side. And when they couldn’t be there, either a dorm leader or an upperclassman would be near you. Any student who seem like they have bad intentions to either you or Grim, would face unspeakable consequences.

And I mean unspeakable. So, I cannot inform you of these consequences as I am under an oath to not reveal anything. Um. Yeah. Good luck persuading the boys to tell you : )

946 notes · View notes

starrybethany · 3 years

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I’m Sure - Adam Boqvist Imagine Part 1

Word count: 3.3K

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

I heard about Adam before I met him. The guys had hung around my office, claiming they wanted to catch up with me, but I really know it’s just because they want to gossip. Hockey players are like that. We were catching up on how their summers went.

“Hey, did you see who was drafted, Y/N?” Dylan asks, wandering around the small room and staring at various objects.

“Nope,” I pop the ‘p’, scanning over the email recently sent to me. “Who was it?”

“This Swedish kids with sick hands,” Alex gushes.

“Really? Is he gonna be the next Patty Kane?”

“Please, like anyone could be like Showtime,” he scoffs.

Dylan pulled up some videos of his highlights, showing them to me.

I nod in approval. “Looks like hockey.”

They give me unamused looks.

We’ve had this talk plenty of times- they think that since I work at the United Center, I should understand hockey more, I think that since I work for United Center and not for the Blackhawks, it really doesn’t matter.

Adam had spent that season in London with the Knights. I had heard about him sprinkled into conversations here and there but really, I just focused on my work as being the suites advisor and making sure everything went smoothly. It was a great year for bookings, and apparently a great year for him.

Alex tried explaining the kid’s talent to me when we were on a double date with our partners, but I still couldn’t understand hockey that well, so I just smiled and nodded. He let that slip by.

It wasn’t until he was here in Chicago that I got it.

For some reason I had been down at the rink, watching practice take place. He had spent a few weeks with the Hawks- weeks that I had taken off to take care of my boyfriend after his knee surgery- and was sent down to Rockford almost as soon as I had returned.

The boys were really upset that I hadn’t met their new friend, Kirby especially, who was a new addition to our group almost as soon as Dominik introduced him to me.

But then there he was, back on the ice. I squinted my eyes, not remembering a ‘27’ on the team. The last name clicks, and I watch as he flies around on the ice, joking with the guys and passing the puck skillfully.

I got it. I understood then why the boys thought he was so talented and why he was back in the NHL at the mere age of nineteen. He played with confidence and speed, a conscious defenseman- something the boys tell me they’ve been struggling with.

Then I un-got it.

Alex had invited a couple of us over for drinks one night and my boyfriend, as he did often, accompanied me.

“Oh, you guys haven’t met yet,” Alex comments, pouring glasses of wine for all of us. “Y/N, this is Adam, the defenseman we’ve been telling you about. Adam, this is Y/N, she works as a suites advisor for the UC.”

“Nice to meet you,” I reach out, shaking his hand. I thought he was attractive, I won’t lie. From the detailed tattoos to the messy hair, he was just my type. But my boyfriend was sitting right next to me, so that was a line I didn’t want to cross.

It didn’t matter to Adam, though. He winked at me as we shook hands, which I found distasteful, but allowed myself to send him a tight-lipped smile.

“And this is my boyfriend, Steven,” I emphasis, resting my hand on Steven’s thigh.

“Oh yeah,” Alex mutters.

Alex always tended to forget about Steven. In fact, everyone seemed to forget about Steven.

“So, suites’ advisor?” Adam questions, ignoring the man sitting next to me. I could feel my boyfriend freeze up at the clear dismissal.

“Yep.”

“What do you do? Just say hello to all of the rich investors?” By the smirk on his face and the small sip of wine, I can tell the dig is intentional.

He knows there is much more that goes into this job than that, so I don’t know why he’s trying to get under my skin. Especially when we just met.

“Um, no, actually, I schedule who books suites for when, what suites are available, who caters what suite. A lot goes into it, actually,” I send him a fake smile.

His smirk just widens, digging under my skin even more.

Steven and I had left early that night.

I ungot it again at the family skate. I’ve never learned how to skate- the guys tried to teach me, but I get frustrated easily so they stopped attempting. I’m stumbling around on the ice by myself, the boys stopping by once and a while to check on me but quickly rushing off to be with their significant others. Steven has work today and we had an argument a few days ago, so I didn’t even bother inviting him to the family skate.

A hard body runs into me from behind, causing me to become unbalanced and hit the boards, catching myself before I fall right onto the ice.

“Ow,” I turn around to glare at the person who pushed me, narrowing my eyes even more when I see the familiar blonde boy and the smirk that he’s always wearing. “What’s your problem, dude?”

“What do you mean?” His accent is thick with his words, making my stomach flutter but the irritation replaces the fluttering quickly.

“You’ve just been rude to me for no reason. What’s up with that?”

He gives me a surprised look, like he didn’t expect me to confront him on it. But I don’t know why he would think that- if you’re going to be a dick, I have a right to call you out on it.

He scoffs quickly, an annoyed expression quickly replacing his surprised one. “You’re overthinking everything.”

I watch as he skates away in annoyance, Kirby replacing his spot next to me.

“You two are close, right?” I question.

He nods.

“Why does he hate me so much?”

He laughs at that and I’m the one who’s shocked now. “Isn’t it obvious? He likes you.”

I give him an unimpressed look. “You’re saying he’s acting like an asshole because he likes me?”

“Hey, I didn’t say it was logical,” he puts his hands up in defense, skating away.

I’ve always thought that was ridiculous. If you like someone, just tell them. And if you don’t, just avoid them. There is no reason that meanness is needed, especially if it’s because you really like that person.

I try to avoid Adam after that.

It doesn’t last long. About a week of avoiding him goes by before I find myself out at a bar with him and a few other players. I had just broken up with Steven, discovering that I no longer did my ‘in love’ giggle with him or smiled when I saw his name pop up on my phone.

But just because I fell out of love with him didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. It hurt. It really hurt. So that’s how I found myself one, two, three, four drinks in at the bar, too drunk to remember what I was saying and too drunk to care about how I might feel the next day.

I went on the dance floor to blow off some steam, swaying along to pop songs and screaming the lyrics.

Arms wind around my waist and I look down at them, spotting a familiar sleeve. I turn around in his arms, careful to not move my hands. I’m worried of what I might do if that happens- even though Steven and I had just broken up, I’ve been touch-deprived for weeks.

“What are you doing, Adam?” I question, leaning closer so that he can hear me.

“You’re single now, right?”

“Yes, but did I give you permission to touch me?” I raise my eyebrows.

He takes a step back with amusement, raising his arms defensively to show me that he’s respecting my boundaries.

Then I can’t help but think: fuck it. After being in a committed relationship for years, why not mess around with some guy I have intense sexual chemistry with? He’s hot, he’s sexy, sure he’s an asshole but I’m sure that confidence would do wonders in bed.

So, I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and tangling in his blonde locks as I pull him as close to me as he can get. One of his hands rests on my ass while the other rests on my hip, tugging me closer and closer to him.

He’s staying with Alex and Lyndsey, so we end up at my apartment in my bedroom. And when I wake up in the morning, I don’t regret it.

I regret it when I go to work the next day. He gives me a knowing look every time he passes me in the hall and even Kirby sends me a look or two.

It happens for a couple more days until one day he finds himself in my office with Dylan and Alex Nylander, another young rookie.

I’d been struggling with work all day, people bitching at me on the phone and numbers not adding up so all I really wanted was to finish the last hour of work and go home.

Then Adam gives me a look.

“What’s your problem?” I snap.

He gives me a confused expression, causing me to elaborate. “We slept with each other once and now you think you know so much about me? Do you think you can hold this over my head or something?”

Dylan chokes on his spit and Alex stifles his laughter, Adam flustering with words.

I organize a stack of papers on my desk, not even bothering to make eye contact with any of them. “I think it’s best if you three leave.”

They respect my wishes. An hour later I lock my door with a deep sigh, turning to make my way towards the parking lot. A body pushes me up against my door suddenly, causing me to gasp and dart my eyes up to see who my attacker is.

My eyes meet familiar blue ones and my body relaxes at the sight, then freezes up again when I realize I’m stuck in between his arms.

“You know, I didn’t really like that stunt you pulled earlier,” Adam breathes out, breath fanning over my face. His head leans down and he nibbles at the skin on my neck teasingly.

I hold back a moan at the action. “You didn’t?”

“No,” he bites down a little bit harder, causing me to wince. “I think you’re going to have to be punished for that.”

“You think so?” I whisper out.

“I think so.”

“Then I think we should get started on this now, don’t you think?”

“I agree.”

And that’s how I began sleeping with Adam Boqvist. Neither of us are looking for anything serious- I want to live the single life after being in a committed relationship for so long and he wants to enjoy his single, youth years in the great city of Chicago.

Plus, he would be the last person I would date.

He’s cocky, selfish, obnoxious, loud- I could keep going.

But either way, the relationship between us, or whatever you want to call it, isn’t end game. He isn’t the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He’s not the one I want to raise children with or sit with on rocking chairs on the porch.

He’s just a guy I want to have sex with until I find the right person for me.

So, tell me why I’m sitting in my shitty apartment bathroom with two pregnancy tests sitting on the small basin of the sink.

I crisscross my legs on the toilet, fiddling with my fingers anxiously. They have to be negative. They have to be.

I can’t have a child right now. I want to focus on my career and build my reputation in the field. I don’t want to have a baby just a couple years into starting this job. I can’t afford a baby anyways; Chicago is an insanely expensive city and I can barely afford to live by myself.

Hell, I live in a loft.

Besides, I can’t be connected to Adam for the rest of my life. I can hardly stand the guy as it is.

As the minutes slowly pass by, I convince myself that I’m not actually pregnant. The ache in my ankles and lower back are due to stress from work and the vomiting is because my eating habits haven’t been as consistent as they usually are.

I’m just going to completely ignore the fact that I let Adam have sex with me without a condom while I was off my birth control for a while due to the weird side effects it was giving me.

It’s like I’m watching from outside of my own body as I reach forward, grabbing the sticks and holding one in each hand.

Positive. Positive.

My heartbeat fastens and I can feel my breath getting shallow. I try to focus my breathing, counting to four over and over and it slowly helps.

My eyes open back up as I ground myself and I can’t help but just stare at the sticks, switching between the two. I’m pregnant. I’m having Adam Boqvist’s baby.

I really didn’t prepare myself for the next time that I’d see him. I’ve already prepared myself to deal with this on my own- whichever way I decide to do that. I haven’t really decided that yet either.

“Hey,” he grins at me as he enters my office, shutting the door behind him. “I have about ten minutes before Kirby starts to look for me, let’s have a quickie.”

“No, Adam,” I sigh, swallowing the lump in my throat. The words are just begging to come out. I’m pregnant. You’re going to be a dad.

“Why not? Is it because we’re at work? We’ve done it in your office before,” he protests.

I set the pen down next to the pad of paper gently, crossing my hands on the top of the desk and turning to focus him with a serious expression. His mischievous grin fades when he notices that I’m not in the playful or teasing mood that I’m usually in when I see him.

“What’s up?” He questions.

“Adam, I’m pregnant.”

His reaction is not one I expect. His face turns to one of confusion, like he’s genuinely unsure why I would be telling him this.

“Congratulations?” He says it more like a question.

My eyes narrow into a glare at the word. He doesn’t believe that it’s his child. I feel hurt, disrespected, and angry. Who does he think I am, the type of girl who has unprotected sex with everyone who walks?

Not that there’s anything wrong with those girls, more power to them, it’s just- he knows me. We’ve been in each other’s beds most of the time for the past couple of months. I spend practically every night with him, and he has the nerve to doubt paternity?

“It’s yours, idiot.” I can’t help but let that dig slide.

“Well how do you know that?”

“Because if I’m not working, I’m having sex with you,” I say slowly, like I have to spell it out for him.

“Well how do you know it’s not- uh- what’s that guy’s name- Steven’s kid?” Adam inquires, his eyes showing that he’s searching hard for an excuse to not take responsibility.

I scoff, leaning back in my chair. “Whatever, Adam, I don’t care if you believe me. I’m going to figure it out.”

“You better.” And by the way he says it, I know what he wants me to do. I know that he doesn’t want to be a father- although actions do have consequences, there is a reason that abortion and adoption are options.

I can also tell that now he knows for sure that he is the father. And he sure as hell doesn’t want to be the father.

I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s just scheduling an appointment- I can always cancel or reschedule.

But my finger rests over the call button for a long time, ‘Planned Parenthood’ looking up at me, mocking me, taunting me.

Do you want an abortion or not? Do you want to be a mother or not? Do you want to go through this pregnancy or not?

There are so many questions flashing through my head. Quite frankly, I don’t know what I want to do. I have no one to turn to- as much as I love the team, I don’t want to cause a rift between them and Adam, and I don’t want to think that we’re closer than we actually are.

I cut out my family years ago.

My friends are all party girls, they wouldn’t know the first thing about a baby if it hit them.

Everything is telling me that I shouldn’t do this. I shouldn’t want to raise a baby on my own, I shouldn’t want to be a single mother.

But why do I so desperately yearn for it? Why did I feel joy when I looked at those sticks and why do I get excited at the thought of little footsteps running around on hardwood floors?

I press the call button.

It gets two rings in before I end it, knowing I’ve made my choice despite all odds.

I need to keep this baby. I know Adam won’t be there for me, but he doesn’t need to be. All this baby needs is to feel love and support and it’ll get that from me and me alone. I need to start fresh, though, to make sure that I’m the best mom that I can be.

“I can’t believe you quit, just like that,” Alex states with a disappointed tone.

I told the guys I quit because I want a change in scenery. That’s not a lie, I’m excited to be moving to the beautiful state of Colorado to start new. But I also hid the news about the baby. They don’t follow me on social media, so they’ll never know- unless Adam says something to them about it. But I doubt he will.

“We’ll miss you,” Dylan adds.

“I’ll miss you guys too,” I respond, closing the cardboard box containing all of my office supplies. Picture frames, pens, cool knick-knacks. All packed into a box ready to be shipped to the mountain zone.

“Hey Adam, Y/N was just getting ready to say goodbye,” Alex says, making me look up from taping up the box with wide eyes.

Sure enough, the blonde is leaning in the doorway, looking unsure for the first time since I’ve met him. It’s weird to see him so hesitant. It’s not him.

But I also don’t feel bad for him. A real dad would step up and want to be there for their kid. A good dad would do that. But clearly, and unfortunately, I was right. Adam Boqvist is and always will be selfish.

I say my goodbyes to Alex and Dylan, the box in one arm while I lock the office with the other hand.

“You’re really leaving?”

“Let’s just get this over with, Adam,” I start, turning to him. He winces when I look him in the eye, seeing all of the resentment and anger I feel towards him. “I’m keeping the baby. I’m raising the baby on my own. Don’t worry, I won’t put you down on the birth certificate. You’ll never see us again.”

His mouth opens then closes. “Are you sure?”

I scoff at the question, shaking my head in disbelief. I go to push past him. “Oh, trust me, I’m sure.”

#NHL imagines #Chicago Blackhawks imagine #Adam boqvist #Adam boqvist imagine #hockey imagines #bimsure

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svu-ncis-criminalminds · 3 years

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Auction

The Rafael Barba x Reader fic that no one asked for but I had a wonderful time writing. (will be proof reading better tomorrow :) )

“Barba” He turned his head to watch as one of coworkers caught up with him.

“Yes?” He answered drily, he was late.

“Are you going to the benefit dinner on Saturday?” Barba frowned. That was this Saturday? The man patted his shoulder and Barba attempted not to look too displeased. “Come on man, bring a date! Buy a new one, it's for charity.” He grinned and Rafael wasn’t a fan of the glint in the man's eyes.

“Not sure any of the women in my life are willing to be auctioned off. Even for charity. Sorry Wilkins.” The man just continued to grin.

“What about that one cutie always hanging around? Y/N? Bring her, I’m sure she’d fetch a pretty penny.” Rafael narrowed his eyes at that but chose to bite his tongue.

“I’m sure she’s busy. Excuse me, I have to get this to the station.” Without listening for a response Barba was off towards SVU to drop off some paperwork for a case just going to court. On his brisk walk over he got thinking to himself. He really /should/ show his face at the auction for the Association to Benefit Children considering he hadn’t been to a benefit in ages. But he needed a date, the point of this benefit, as barbaric as it was, is for the gentleman to attempt to bid each other out for their dates. The money all went to a good cause but it wasn’t an idea Rafael was particularly fond of. But he should go. And he should try and bring a date.

----

“Hey Mr. Barba,” You bounced up to the man once he stepped foot off the elevator, “Are those my Phillips files?” You grabbed for them and Barba shifted his coffee to one hand to allow you to snatch them from him.

“Always so patient.” He snarked and you grinned, already moving back to your desk as you shifted through the papers. Rafael paused at your desk watching you momentarily.

“Can I help you?” You asked, tossing the files down onto your desk and turning to the man with a slightly crooked smile. He cleared his throat.

“Saturday, there is an auction benefit for the Association to Benefit Children and I’m supposed to bring a date, would you like to go?” He tried to seem more nonchalant than he felt, crossing his arms over his chest. You smiled and shifted from foot to foot and Rafael had to admit Wilkins was right, men would be falling over each other to out bid him for you.

“Sure, I doubt I’ll be able to buy anything. Far too fancy for me.” You laughed and he smiled wincing slightly.

“Actually.” He sighed, “It’s the dates that get auctioned.” You made a little o with your mouth and nodded before laughing again.

“You want me to be your date so you can sell me for charity?” You asked, smiling. He nodded. “But I get to get all dressed up right?” You asked and he nodded again.

“Of course, black tie event.” You nodded your head and shrugged your shoulders.

“Alright.”

“Really?”

“Sure, but you better be bidding for me, I don’t wanna get stuck with some uptight lawyer.” you paused, grinning, “No offense.” Barba smirked.

“None taken. Though I think I'll have to battle Wilkins for you-” You groaned.

“The creep from your office with the beard? Gross. You better win, or I’ll be mad.” He nodded at you and crossed a finger over his heart.

“Promise, though 5 grand is my limit for the evening so anything above that and you’re on your own.” He was only partially joking.

----------

The uber pulled up to your apartment and Barba got out, doing the gentlemanly thing and going to the other side to open the door for you. You burst out of your apartment buildings front door and Rafael was stopped in his tracks. You looked beautiful with hair and makeup done and wearing a floor length golden dress that was currently hidden under a long dark green coat.

“It’s freezing,” You practically ran towards him and Barba shook himself getting his attention back on the car door. You stopped next to him, planting a quick kiss on his cheek as you tossed yourself into the car. “Thank you.” Barba shut the door and came back to his side getting in and turning to you, his hands felt clammy despite the weather.

“You look lovely,” He assured you, and you smiled, reaching over to brush some snow from his shoulder.

“So do you! I’m excited for tonight, I haven’t been out in ages.”

“I wouldn’t call this out. More like pulling teeth.” You rolled your eyes.

“Try and have some fun, Mr. Barba, loosen up. We look nice, we’re gonna drink nice alcohol, and eat nice food. You’re gonna purchase me!” You grinned and he couldn’t help but smile slightly, your joy was contagious. Everything about you was.

“I will try. There will be plenty of richer men there, and I’m sure you’ll be top of everyone's list.” You blushed slightly and shrugged.

“Nah,” You brushed the comment off before turning back to talking about how you were looking forward to the evening. Rafael wanted to press the topic, to make sure you understood he was serious and that you’d most likely be bought from under him. But he didn’t want you to change your mind so he kept his mouth shut.

-------

Thirty or so minutes later and you were inside the party, drinks in hang as you stood with some of Barba’s coworkers and their dates they brought. Wilinks tried and failed several times to start a conversation with you, and while you were polite you were doing your best to make it clear you weren’t very interested.

Every time you got too close to Rafael, or heaven forbid, touched him he felt his skin prickle. He couldn’t help it, you looked absolutely stunning. Rafael excused you both to go get another drink before the auction began, he was gonna need it and he was sure you would too.

“So, you’re gonna buy me right?” You teased, sitting together at Rafael’s table, facing each other as you spoke. Barba smiled and shrugged, taking a sip of his whiskey.

“I’m gonna try, but I mean it my cut off has to be 5,000 tonight and you’re worth at least a million.” He hoped he wasn’t laying it on too thick, or passing some sort of boundary but you threw your head back and laughed.

“Why don’t they auction the men?”

“No one wants to buy an earpiece in a suit.” You grinned and someone got onto the stage calling everyone back to their seats. Rafael put an arm around the back of your chair and settled in to watch the show. It was good natured at least. Husbands buying their wives before tossing them over their shoulder, old ladies being scooped up by young lawyers looking for brownie points. You were smiling and clapping along and laughing and that made Rafael feel content enough to participate, smiling along with you. Finally they called your name and you got up, patting Barba on the arm as you went.

“Let’s start the bidding at $500.” Rafael raised his hand.

“A grand,” Wilkins raised his own from two tables over and so did a couple of other men, some Barba recognized and some he didn’t. “Two grand,” Barba called again. The price went up and up and you stood there looking sheepish on stage in front of everyone. Wilkins dropped out when you hit 4,000 but a partner from some white collar crimes business kept one upping Barba and he was starting to get fed up.

“43 hundred.” The man was calm as he raised his hand, Barba’s brows were drawn angrily over his eyes, you thought he looked cute and it made you smile down at him. Barba caught you eye and smiled back slightly, mouthing ‘I told you so,’

“$5,000.” Rafael tossed in all his chips, metaphorically of course.

“52 hundred.” The man out bid him again.

“$5,500.” Barba called again. Plan be damned.

“8 thousand.” The man nailed Rafael into his coffin. Barba floundered and looked apologetically at you, and you smiled sweetly in return. You were too good natured for him.

“We’ve got a winner!” The MC announced and Barba had to watch you climb gracefully from the stage. Instead of walking towards him, you walked towards the other man who stood up to greet you, kissing you cheek and pulling your chair out. Barba wasn’t to toss him out the front door. But he wouldn’t. He turned back sullenly to the auction. His money would unfortunately have to go elsewhere.

----

“Y/N,” The man was handsome, that was for sure, older than you but still young to have the salt and pepper hair he donned. Being a lawyer made you go grey, at least that’s what Sonny told you. “I’m Oliver White.” You smiled politely, laughed at his jokes when he made them, danced when he asked. It wasn’t unpleasant, and he seemed like a nice enough man but you couldn’t help but to continue to steal glances of Barba with his new date across the room.

Barba didn’t bother with small talk. He was sulking. And the girl who had won wasn’t up for dancing, not that Barba partially wanted to dance with her. He rather alternate between staring at his whiskey and gazing at you.

After several dances you finally sat back at your table with Oliver, glancing over at Rafael again who met your eye this time. You smiled and offered a small wave which he returned.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Oliver asked and you turned your head shaking it and a small laugh.

“No. We’re work friends. I just feel bad, he was supposed to win my auction so he wasn’t stuck bored all night.” You admitted and Oliver nodded.

“I assumed the way he was trying to outbid everyone he had to be your boyfriend.” You blushed slightly.

“He’s not.” Oliver smiled nodding his own head.

“Alright good. So I can ask for your number then?” You tried not to glance over at Barba again, that was rude, you had to remind yourself. You smiled.

“Sure, but I’m not totally in the market right now..” Oliver nodded his head and raised his hands in mock surrender.

“I can wait.” With that he dropped it and you were thankful so you took another glance over. Rafael was already watching you. You looked down first then away again. God what had you gotten yourself into. Towards the end of the night to MC announced there was only a few more dances. By this point in the night most couples had reunited so you smiled at Olivier and slowly gathered your bag.

“Do you mind,” You nodded towards Rafael, “I promised him at least one dance,” You lied. Really you were done keeping up formalities. You wanted to go back to where you were comfortable. Oliver smiled and nodded his head towards the dejected looking man.

“Only if you give him a chance.” You laughed.

“He doesn’t- It’s not like that.” Oliver smirked and shook his head.

“Whatever you say,” He shrugged and you frowned, gathering the rest of your stuff.

“It was nice to meet you.” You said goodnight and made your way over to Barba, plopping down beside him with a smile.

“Hey,”

“Hey,” He answered surprised, looking behind you back to where you’d just been sitting, “Everything alright?” You nodded your head.

“You looked like you could need some fun.” The girl beside him snorted and gathered her own things before rushing out a goodnight and storming off. You both watched her go and Rafael turned back to you smiling slightly.

“I’m a bad date.” He admitted and you laughed. You dropped your purse onto the table and stood up again holding out a hand. “What?” He asked, confused.

“Come on, let's dance. I didn’t see you out there once tonight. Why do you think I came?” You joked and Barba took your hand, letting you pull him up. Once on the dance floor, Rafael spun you around before pulling you a polite distance towards him, one hand taking yours the other resting on your hip. You held his hand back and placed your free one on his shoulder. Together you swayed to the music. Rafael was a good dancer, just like you had expected him to be. He moved effortlessly and moved you with him. You slipped closer to him until you were swaying together- no room left for jesus. Rafael spun you again at the end of the last song and you grinned, letting out a giggle.

----

“Ready to go?” Barba asked you, helping you to put your coat on before handing you your purse. You smiled and thanked him, grabbing his arm to take some of the weight of your feet.

“My feet are killing me,” You admitted.

“I’ll carry you,” He joked and you tossed your head back into his shoulder laughing. All the champagne you had made you feel lighter then you were, it was nice. You got outside and shivered pulling the coat tighter around you. Rafael withdrew his arm from yours and wrapped it around you, helping you walk and hopefully keeping you arm. The lyft he ordered was already outside waiting for you.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” Barba smiled once you were huddled into the warm backseat and on your way towards your apartment. “Sorry you had to spend it with a stranger. At least he was good looking.” Rafael tried not to spit out the words, “Did you get along well.” You shrugged and leaned on Barba slightly.

“Meh. It was fine, not unpleasant. Nothing really there though besides a decent face.” Barba put his arm around you nervously but you just relaxed further into him. He bruised some hair over your shoulder and sighed. “How was your date. She was pretty.”

“Pretty dull.” He replied and you rolled your eyes. You sat in silence for the rest of the drive, Barba’s arm around you shoulder playing with your hair. The lyft pulled up to your apartment and you untangled yourself from him.

“Goodnight.”

“Y/N. Wait.” Rafael caught your hand. He cleared his throat, “Do you want to go on a date sometime, a time where I don’t have to watch another man flirt with you for most of it?” He asked and you laughed. You paused for a moment before leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

“Call me,” You murmured into his ear, “I’d love that.”

#law and order #law and order svu #Law and Order: Special Victims Unit #law and order special victims unit #svu x reader #svu x y/n #rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x yn

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