#category is: what the fuck even is gender
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ineffable fashion icons 💅🏻
#category is: what the fuck even is gender#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#ineffable wives#fanart#art#myart#drawing#neil gaiman#michael sheen#david tennant
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truly detest how pcos tags/forums/etc are absolutely crawling with terfs
#(okay to rb but stay in your lane)#maybe i just want to look and see if anyone else has experienced what i went through today without seeing someone going like#'you'll never be a REAL woman because you DON'T HAVE OVARIES#and will NEVER understand the TRUE WOMANLY EXPERIENCE of having A VERY DISRUPTIVE AND COMPLEX ENDOCRINE AND METABOLIC DISORDER'#like i think there are more important (read: actual) targets to direct our frustration at here than#[checks notes] getting mad at a trans woman for saying she relates to some of the problems caused/faced by having pcos#like. idk. the fucking medical system and lack of research/treatment options#(also. christ. reducing every person w pcos into the 'woman' category automatically bc 'ovary'.#even though it's literally an intersex condition. yikes.)#also i don't know about y'all but i don't wish this on anyone? regardless of gender??#i actually don't want trans women to have to experience this in order to be considered a True Woman#because i don't want ANYBODY to have to experience this. it sucks! it's not fucking fun!#i just wanted to try and see if other people have gone through the same thing i have. not expand my blocklist by half a mile tonight.#i wanna talk about me#even though i didn't exactly find what i was looking for (😔) and i had to play fucking whack-a-terf while searching#if there's any bright side to be found it's the number of posts/people affirming pcos as an intersex condition/identity#i saw someone say 'if you don't want the [intersex] umbrella for yourself you don't have to take it#but it's nice to have in the closet for a rainy day'#and. man. yeah.
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#IT REALLY IS ALL YOUR FAULT HAPPYELE WHAT THE HELL MAN#no the way my heart stopped for a moment and my jaw dropped a bit#this is too perfectly timed to my category 5 yuzuru moment last night what the fuck happyele#jesus christ on his infamous bike yuzuru fushimi you'll always be famous#i. dont even really have words. thats him thats the guy thats my best friend the object of all my gender envy im going to explode?#asks#yume-fanfare
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what the fuck even is gender
#like...srsly what the fuck is it#I mean#i guess masculine an dfeminine things/traits matter to some ppl }#liek the distinction matters#but for others its like#oh yeah I present in a masculine way but i dont see it that way#I am not a man#and liek thats cool too#It jsut scratches my brain bcs wow as a society we just created these divisons and palced shit in categories#and why does it even matter anyway#what IS a man#yeah for some people that = masculinty#for others that means absolute shit#what are we#what am I#what is gender-
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OBSESSED: CHOSO
A/N: A short series of how our JJK boyfriends would act when they’re utterly deranged about you! Enjoy!
C/W: Premature Ejac, Mature. 18+
Choso thought it would get better. And it has gotten exponentially worse.
You and Choso have been exclusive for two weeks now. Two whole weeks. And he still can’t keep his libido in check.
His stupid brain.
His empty, stupid, caveman brain.
It’s criminal, how quickly and how often it finds new things about you to be turned on by.
The way you sigh. The falsetto in your voice when you say “Hi baby!”. How your hair falls out of the messy pony tail. How you hold your fucking coffee cup and take baby sips to avoid burning your tongue.
God, your tongue.
Your lips. Your eyes, eyelashes. Every single strand on your head is boner material and it’s driving him insane.
You smile at him and he’s rock hard in his pants. Counting down the minutes until he can finally fist himself.
Choso grips the gear so hard his wrist might snap in half.
“Almost there?” You ask. Sugar on your voice like cotton candy.
“Almost there, baby.” Words feel like nails against his dry windpipe.
He’s tried everything. Cold showers. Long walks. Scolding himself. Slapping his dick over and over and over to try and replace some of the pleasure with pain. But nothing works.
It’s a sick joke.
My shy, quiet boyfriend. You always tease him.
If only you knew a category 5 hurricane of filthy rot constantly decimates his brain.
Quiet because he is always biting metallic into his mouth to keep from moaning. Or saying something vile.
If he had it his way, he’d follow you around with his hand on his dick. At least it would feel honest. Not like how he’s mastered quietly cumming in his pants whenever you nestle in his lap or lean over him to get something.
You want to go slow and he’s happy to. Really. Because at this point he’d finish just rubbing against your pretty petals.
He’s needy. He’s desperate. And he has no idea how to fix it.
Or if he wants to fix it.
His mind floats back to the one time you let him eat your pussy. 2 minutes in.
No that’s fucking generous.
1 minute in and he was holding a pool of his own cum in his hand like a pathetic, pervert. And the way you laughed when he stammered the sorry explanation made him hard all over again.
You two finally make it to dinner and he beelines for the bathroom.
Thanking every Diety known to Man for gender neutral, single use stalls. He clumsily unbuckles his belt and his rod springs free.
His head hits the cold wall behind him. His hand tugs on autopilot.
“So fucking pretty,” he murmurs to himself.
His hips buck upward and collide with his fist, over and over and over again. Heat swells from his balls. His pre cum leaks in a constant stream from his thick, blunt tip.
“Choso?” A light voice ripples through his mind and his hand flies off his angry, abused cock.
“Y-yes, princess?”
“Let me in!” And he immediately obliges. He can’t tell you no. He can’t even hesitate.
“Baby! What’s wrong?” Concern etched all over your face. His expression must be as miserable as he feels.
Your petite hand cups his face and his cock springs against his abdomen.
In his haste he forgot to fully tuck himself back in. And there his drooling dick is. Thick and proud. Pale and crimson against his black shirt.
His face flares hot. A babbling stupid mess trying to hide his perversion. Trying to stuff his oversized length away from view.
To his surprise your tiny warm hands caress his clumsy fingers. Every hair stands at attention. He freezes. Artic breeze from the over head AC stops him in his tracks.
Your gazes collide. Your doe eyes and blown out pupils make his balls ache. You guide his hand to your neck line and help him tug it down. Enough so that your pierced, plump nipples spill over the top. Fully exposed for him to gawk at.
“Nnhhgh..” a stupid unintelligible moan escapes him. Slack-jawed idiot. His brain is scrambled to mush.
“Suck.” The tiny command from your gorgeous lips and frame 10x smaller than his unravels him.
He eagerly obeys. Wrapping his lips around your metal clad nipple. Groaning and gripping at your other breast, in a desperate display.
“Aww” you giggle at his pitiful moans and sucks.
He starts humping the air between your bodies. He’s so embarrassed but he can’t stop.
Rutting against nothing except the mere thought of being able to maybe one day handle the friction of your flesh.
“Fuck, oh fuck” he rasps out switching to your other nipple. Your hands weave into his hair. Electric shoots through his cock from his balls and he is so close. So close.
“Stop.” One word and he comes to a razor sharp end. Pulling off you. Submitting to your whims.
But not in time. His cock spurts thick, hot white ropes of cum against his black shirt. Eyes slammed shut. Mortified at his ruined orgasm.
Your lips pull up in a beautiful smile. One that cuts his stupid short refractory period in half.
He will do anything you tell him to. Anything.
“Don’t bother cleaning up, handsome! Let’s go finish dinner.” You’re light hearted and giggling and flutter out the door before him.
His face is flushed blood red. He stares down at his cum stained shirt. Absolutely humiliated.
You’ll be the death of him.
It’s perfect.
#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader smut#jjk x reader#jjk fanart#choso kamo#jjk fanfic#choso x reader#jujutsu kaisen choso#choso x you#choso smut#jjk choso#choso x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#choso x female reader#choso fanart#gojo satoru x reader#jjk gojo#gojo smut#gojo x reader#jujutsu choso#choso jjk#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen#jjk smut#smut#jjk season 2#jjk fluff#jjk satoru#nanami smut#geto smut
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What are "transmasc" and "genderqueer"?
I just woke up so bear with me, but like
Western society has invented this idea of "man" and "woman", right? And we SAY it's actually real, and based on tangible things like sex characteristics- primary, like dicks n' hoo-has- and secondary, like tiddies an facial hair an cellulite.
Well, it turns out that those things ain't divided "correctly" into the man and woman categories all the time.
People with dicks sometimes get tiddies, people without dicks sometimes grow beards and chest hair, beauty standards like "woman thin and hairless and short with small nose and tiny feet" and "man tall and muscular with a beard and broad shoulders" aren't appearing in nature the way we say they should.
(These gendered standards also change over time, but that's a different post.)
What's more, some people have multiple primary characteristics, and it's not even super rare! (Again, worth a different post, and not one I'm really in a position to make.)
So, we say that we didn't just "invent" two exclusive boxes to sort a wide variety and spectrum of characteristics into by pure brute force, but evidence says otherwise. So do we change the rules of our society to fit that evidence?
No, we pick something else to support our beliefs.
Learning about genes and DNA and chromosomes came much later in the game, so most people's grasp of it is this: Men have XY chromosomes, women have XX chromosomes, and no matter what your body is shaped like, that determines which box you go in. Whatever you look like should be padded or amputated or shaved away until you fit in your box.
Except.... we now know that people who outwardly appear to be the perfect ideal poster children of "man" and "woman" are living full, natural, healthy and unbothered lives totally unaware that they have the "wrong" chromosomes. No visibly "mixed" characteristics at all. So there goes that idea out the window.
Unless we say that no, our invention which is fact still holds up- there's just a few mutants and freaks and dysfunctional anomalies that just sort of happen sometimes, like factory flaws that wouldn't exist if things were running as they should.
So what do we do with factory flaws? We "fix" them. Or pressure them to fix themselves. Or, if they can "pass" one way or another, shove them into that box and tell them to shut up about it. Don't fit into either? Then pick one, and make yourself fit.
But... then, if we can pick... if hairy women with flat chests and small hips can shave themselves down and throw on some padding and powder her face to be accepted.... why can't anyone else?
Or, if that same "woman" went, fuck it, cut his hair short and embraced all the "man" characteristics, went by different pronouns and stepped into the "man" box... wouldn't that be okay, too?
And, he'll, what if they changed nothing about themselves and decided to opt out? We've proven that these "universal facts" don't *actually* exist and exceptions are everywhere, so fuck it, right? "Man" and "woman" don't really mean anything tangible anyways, so why not do what makes you happy?
And since, again, evidence shows that "man" and "women" aren't perfect binary boxes with perfect binary traits- why bother living up to those traits at all? Why can't someone assigned to the "woman" box live in the "man" box with long hair and heels on? If I makes him happy, what's the harm?
We don't like this, though, because when you build two boxes that contain the whole world, and people start escaping, or slipping out to live in the one they like more, or switching, or building their own, people begin to wonder why they're living in boxes at all. If we even need boxes.
And the people who maintain the boxes tell us, it's because the boxes are safe, and the boxes are natural, and the boxes have been here exactly as they are since the beginning of time anyways, and NO, they aren't just terrified of life outside the shelter of the box, you're the weird one.
Meanwhile, if we really looked into it, I imagine we'd find more people who don't fit their box criteria, or don't even like their box, at least as often as we find people who do.
Transgender means "someone who isn't in their assigned box".
Genderqueer means, "someone who isn't in their assigned box", but in a the same broad way that "transgender" is- Maybe a him, maybe a her, maybe both, maybe a they, perhaps a xey, and sometimes some of us move around.
I say I'm genderqueer, 'cause that fits me, but "Transmasc" to me personally means, "I know I'm not a woman, and I'm closer to the "man" box, but I'm happier wandering outside the "man" box than I am stepping fully inside. (Dysphoria is part of that, but again, in my opinion it's not vital to the experience.)
And I'm not one for destroying those two boxes entirely- they bring joy to a lot of people.
Just, you know. Maybe making more, different boxes. And maybe little camps out between them. And not treating people who roam the wilderness instead like rabid animals. Is the thing.
Long answer
#Long post#Text post#Gender#Transgender#Transmasc#Genderqueer#Correct me if I'm wrong I'm not fully awake and also wrong sometimes and also a lil dumb on top o that
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My Personal Upper Moon 🍆 Ranking
Warnings: if it isn’t obvious already, this post is taking about the Upper Moon’s and my personal HC on their dick sizes. If that makes you uncomfortable in any way, just keep scrolling
A/N: I was actually very surprised by the amount of comments on my Hashira version of this HC post. So I feel a little more comfortable with giving the Upper Moons a go, especially since someone asked if I would do it eheheh. That being said, these men are demons, therefore you may find my size rankings to be a bit unrealistic. But I’m not gonna go crazy and say Muzan has a dick that’s 2 miles long.
This post includes: Muzan, Kokushibo, Douma, Akaza, Hantengu’s clones (Karaku, Urogi, Sekido and Aizetsu), Gyutaro and Kaigaku. And no Gyokko cause that man doesn’t have a dick, period.
In a category of his own: Muzan Kibutsuji
Muzan clearly deserves a category of his own for one particular reason: he’s able to alter his appearance.
Therefore, he’s able to change the size of his dick whenever the fuck he feels like it.
And don’t try and say that stupid cause he can literally change gender and age so changing his dick size isn’t out of the question
On average, Muzan prefers to have a larger dick, mostly because he’s a pussy ass bitch man that needs that kind of confidence down there, if you get what I mean.
Typically soft: 10.5
Typically hard: 11.7
But he can make it as big, small, curved, wide, as he wants
When he wants to torture your ass, he’ll make himself as girthy as he sees fit just to watch you cry and squirm and beg for something a little smaller.
Anytime you get “comfortable” he just increases his girth until you’re crying again. Your pleasure is never his first priority, it’s always his.
1. Kokushibo
Among the demons, it should be no shock that Upper Moon One has always been packing. This man is petrifying so it’s only right that his dick is equally as intimidating as him
Even as a human, this man’s dick was deadly. You can’t change my mind either.
Just in case you’re wondering, Yoriichi is bigger
That’s beside the point, Kokushibo has a lot to work with down there. Whether it’s hard or soft ngl
When soft: 9.5
When hard: 10.7
He’s long, girthy and curves slightly upwards. He’s heavy too, your jaw will certainly hurt by the time you’re done with him.
He’s the type to put a pillow or blanket of some sort under your lower back as he fucks you. Mostly because he’s not clueless to the fact that his dick is big
Kokushibo is the type to ease you into it though, he’s stern but he has a teeny bit of empathy when it comes to fucking you. Unless you’ve pissed him off ofc.
2. Akaza
I know this one is gonna be controversial, especially since I’m putting him above Douma but hear me out.
This man has audacity, which means he got a big dick. No demon is acting like Akaza and having a small dick to go with it. Nuh uh, no sir.
Akaza is sitting pretty knowing damn well his cock is bigger than Douma’s and it actually something Douma taunts him with… which you think the roles would be reversed but hey…
When soft: 8.5
When hard: 9.7
He’s straight, no real curve to him and he has a single blue line going up the underside of his shaft and one that wraps around just before the head of his dick. Like as in the lines that cover his body lol
Akaza is probably the “gentlest” of all the upper moons because of the respect he has for women
That’s not to say he isn’t rough with you, but he definitely cares about your pleasure and feelings more than Douma or Muzan would for example
He’s pretty confident in himself though, at least that’s how it seems to you. He knows what he’s doing to say the least
3. Douma
Alright listen, this man is still packing down there so don’t get mad at me for putting him at third.
His dick is smaller than Akaza’s but not by a ton. Let’s be honest Douma is probably the straightest and gayest demon to ever exist. The embodiment of bisexual LMAO
How does Douma know Akaza’s dick is bigger? The world may never know
When soft: 8
When hard: 9.2
It’s pale like the rest of him, a pretty noticeable curve to it as well. He has some prominent veins because of how pale he is. His tip is like a pinkish gray (idk why I felt the need to include this)
He’s pretty girthy too, so he definitely will make your walls stretch uncomfortably if he doesn’t offer you foreplay
Douma is rough, selfish and truly only cares about his own pleasure but he likes watching you whine and squirm while being impaled on his cock
Douma also has a thing for “belly bulges” so he will fuck you in some odd positions if he means he can see his dick from the outside… if ya know what I mean
4. Gyutaro
Listen, plz just listen cause I promise you I’m going somewhere with this. Cause I can already hear y’all being like ???Scrawny ass Gyutaro is in 4th??? Yes. He is.
Gyutaro got himself a bit of an upgrade when becoming a demon. He for sure does not look like he did a a human. By that I mean he’s taller than he was (even tho he’s hunched)
What I’m tryna get at is demon transformation made his dick bigger and Imma live in my little fantasy world
When soft: 6.5
When hard: 7.2
Gyutaro’s dick is as curved as his spine and as thick as his tiny ass waist. He’s got length but not crazy girth.
Even if he’s rough, it feels good. Like there isn’t a ton of discomfort if he goes in raw with no prep cause he wants to punish you, he’s like the perfect amount of stretch
He’s mean, verbally and physically but at the same time he’s a fucking sucker for your body so he can’t really say much without whining and groaning
He’s got some confidence in his cock but he’s also a bit envious of the other upper moons
5. The Hantengu Clones (Sekido, Karaku, Aizetsu, Urogi)
I’ve talked about my dick HCs for these four in my A-Z NSFW alphabet and I was tryna be realistic. However, when it comes to this post, fuck being realistic.
Sekido when soft 6.2 | when hard 7.1
Karaku when soft 6 | when hard 6.9
Urogi when soft 5.9 | when hard 6.7
Aizetsu when soft 5.7 | when hard 6.5
There is so much to say here but honestly my brain is malfunctioning so I can’t even delve into it
Regardless, the four of these demons fuck very differently and use their dicks very differently
Sekido and Urogi have no curve, Karaku has a slight curve and Aizetsu’s curves upwards
Hantengu himself had a 3 inch dick and you can’t tell me otherwise. Pussy ass bitch
6. Kaigaku
I hate this little bitch but I’m including him so I can rag on his fugly ass. Kaigaku simps I’m sorry but I can’t stand him
This douche has the smallest dick among the upper moons. This is full Kaigaku slander.
When soft: 5.2
When hard: 6
I’ll give him a decent dick tho cause boy does he have the fucking audacity
That’s all I’m gonna give y’all cause I ain’t wasting my time on him GOOD BYE I didn’t even tag is ass
#kny#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer imagines#demon slayer fanfic#demon slayer headcanons#demon slayer smut#xxsabitoxx’s work!#kny smut#kny headcanons#kny imagine#upper moon headcanons#kny upper moons#upper moons#muzan smut#kokushibo smut#douma smut#akaza smut#hantengu clones smut#upper moon smut#akaza x reader#muzan x reader#douma x reader#hantengu smut#hantengu clones x reader#kokushibo x reader
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have you seen the new feature from lyft, where female/nonbinary users can request female/nonbinary drivers? i was just wondering what your thoughts are?
personally a lot of the people i see upset about it are upset for the wrong reasons, its a lot of "creepy cis men will exploit this" which doesnt address the actual issues
in the replies to one of the posts there was an amab black nonbinary person saying they felt the least safe with white women drivers, who in their experience were most racist towards them, a lot of the replies to their comment were "this isnt about you, this is about protecting women/nonbinaries", "youre a cis man, you dont understand how difficult it is to be a woman" and things along those lines
personally i dont think this is going to make a difference, most actual minority groups will still be just as unsafe, all it seems to have done is create more hostility towards men/masculine presenting/otherwise oppressed people for not liking this new feature
Link for those curious
I mean I get the motivation here (making people feel safer), but for one making this only available to "women and nonbinary people" once again fucks over trans men. Like if a trans man wants to use this feature to feel safer, it seems like he'd have to misgender himself on the app. And if he seems like a cis man to the rider, is he going to be accused of being a predator taking advantage of the program? Would he be accused of that even if they know he's trans because he's a man?
And of course that last point also goes for anyone who might be read as being a cis man or too close to a cis man for the rider's comfort; trans women, nonbinary people assigned male, nonbinary people assigned female on T, intersex people with high T, etc etc. And that also applies to the rider- this could cause issues for trans* and intersex drivers who are viewed as cis men by driver.
Its almost like this kind of gender binary = safety mindset, while understandable, almost always finds a way to fuck over genderqueer people- specifically those seen as masculine, who are easily put into the "predator" category while also being more vulnerable. And as you mentioned it also ignores how race plays a role in this dynamic- Black and Brown riders and drivers alike are going to deal with these issues much more and much harsher than white people. & like I don't think we can separate this from the cultural impetus that white women must be preserved & protected, and that white women should be hyperparanoid of violation from (Black) men. Not that white women don't have legitimate fears of violence but there's a reason there isn't an option to choose the race of the rider you accept, and why their page about it focuses on images of white women drivers. The addition of "nonbinary" to this is just lip service.
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☆┊LETS PLAY JUST DANCE !
SUMMARY: while shopping at sam’s store, you saw “just dance” on the shelves! no idea how it got here or how it exists here, but you bought it with no hesitation. you wanted to play, so you invited a friend. how good are they at it?
CHARACTERS: all dorms (+ grim)
GENRE: fluff, but kinda crackfic-ish
WARNINGS: cursing
readers gender is not mentioned, implied to be Yuu
actually plays correctly, but gets a low score for no reason
he is putting nothing but his blood, sweat, and TEARS into this game right now. okay, that’s an overstatement. but he’s literally doing the best he can and this game is mocking his efforts. what’s he doing wrong?! why is he so bad at this? you’re literally 10x ahead of him. when you both finish playing, he tells you this game is absolutely rigged and that you should return it. when you refuse cause it cost you an arm and a leg (and it could give you a lead home), he sighs and continues to play. sulking and sighing at his low score as you both play.
grim, riddle, deuce, trey, jack, azul, sebek, malleus
plays correctly and gets a high score
he’s actually better than you’d thought he’d be. for playing a game from another world, you’d think it’d take longer for him to understand. respect. for a new player, his score is also higher than you expected. he thinks this game is really fun! you two should play more often together, cause he’s having a blast. it’s that or he just enjoys absolutely destroying you in this game. when you both finish playing, he’s either smirking at your defeat, or smiling and wants to play again. maybe both..
cater, jade, jamil, vil, epel, ortho, silver
literally just jumping around. they don't care about the score
depending on who this is, he’s either kalim, just having fun and enjoys playing a game with you. or the rest, doesn’t give two fucks about the score and is just going apeshit. whoever he is, he’s not paying attention to the screen at all and is just having the most random movements ever. you’re shuffling to the right? well he’s shuffling to the left. are you supposed to jump? well now he’s crouching for some reason.. is this a partner dance? too bad, he’s gone solo. when you both finish playing, he doesn’t even glance at the score and had already selected another song. oh boy..
(his score is still somehow higher than the first category’s..)
grim (sometimes), (kind of) ace, floyd, kalim, rook, lilia
extremely competitive for no reason
while your having fun and enjoying something you’re familiar with, he’s doing his absolute BEST to make sure his score is higher than yours. he wants this victory, and bad. maybe sometimes over-exaggerating his movements to see if his score would go higher. like damn, chill out. this isn’t a world championship just dance game or something.. (maybe it is). when you both finish playing, he’s literally sweating beads. his attention would immediately shift to the score. if he beat you, hooray. now get ready for round 2. if he lost, oh hell no you’re playing again.
grim, ace (competitively jumping around lmao), ruggie, jamil, vil, epel, idia
literally just sitting on the couch throwing around the wii remote
leona would. there’s no denying. he scoffs and asks you why the hell would you put so much energy into this game? for the record, nobody dances like that. how will he benefit from this? hm? exercise? pshh, then he could just go play spelldrive. but if you really wanted him to play, fine. if it gets you off his tail. however if he’s playing, he’s playing his way. while you put your entire soul into the game, he’s resting his ass on the couching while swinging around the wii remote on his wrist. he gets an average score. AVERAGE. what the hell?! if you tried to do that, then let’s say your score was definitely less than average. better luck next time, herbivore.
leona
absolutely destroying you.
he’s just better. he’s already a great dancer, what’d you expect? if you try to beat him, there’s no chance. when you did win, you knew he was just pitying you. he’d smirk after the final scores were revealed and just give you a pat on the back with a “nice try.” alright you little shit you’re going down. you select another song and starting pouring your heart into this. he admires your efforts, so he’ll go easy on you. somehow he still beats you what the fuck.
jamil, vil
bold of you to assume he’s never played
new player? new player? that’s cute. well news flash: he’s already played this game, normie. don’t lie, you were shocked. idia? idia shroud? playing a game that involves needing to move physically? playing a game that doesn’t involve farming or pulling in a gacha? haha inactive idia very funny. anyway, he already knows the ropes. he bought the game when sam kept pushing him to buy it. since he was peer pressured, he bought it. but it wasn’t a loss. ortho told him to be more active so he thought this would be a shortcut. kind of is. when you ask to play, he’s already got it set up. prepare to be outmatched. ends up really tired after playing though.
idia
forgot to use the wrist thing on the wii remote. the remote is either broken or something else is
it flew.
ace, deuce, floyd, kalim, lilia
it doesn’t detect him
child of man, why can’t it detect him? he’s doing everything correctly (after technical difficulties), but it can’t tell he’s there. why? is your game broken? no, you’re score is just fine. is his remote broken? no, you replaced the batteries beforehand. is his controller is connected? yes, yes it is.. so what could it be? you look like you’re having fun though.. so he’ll power through it. (he’s pouting though.. poor tsunotarou 💔)
malleus
everything is suddenly on fire
what the fuck how’d this happen.
floyd, rook, lilia
A/N: hello I’m new to writing on tumblr lmao
hope you can welcome me with open arms (◍•ᴗ•◍)
date written: 11/23/23
© temiizpalce — don’t steal or copy my work!
#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#disney twst#twst#twst x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#ace trapolla x reader#deuce spade x reader#trey clover x reader#cater diamond x reader#leona kingsholar x reader#jack howl x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#jade leech x reader#floyd leech x reader#kalim al asim x reader#jamil viper x reader#vil shoenheit x reader#rook hunt x reader#epel felmier x reader#idia shroud x reader#malleus draconia x reader#sebek zigvolt x reader#silver vanrouge x reader#lilia vanrouge x reader#twisted wonderland fluff#twst fluff#ortho shroud#ruggie bucchi x reader
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Ranking Heartsteel members from least to most dom. (With some explanation) 😏
Inspiration: It just popped in my head and wouldn’t leave so here we are......blame Ezreal.
Genre: Ranking
Category: SMUTTTTT (18+ ONLY UNDER THE KEEP READING. MINORS DNI.)
Gender: I’ll do my best to be gender neutral. I am AFAB, so please understand that’s where my perspective comes from, especially from an anatomical standpoint. That being said, I’ll try to keep language as GN as possible.
TW: NSFW as FUCK. Mentions quite a few kinks: Dirty talk, dom/sub dynamics, BDSM, etc...you have been warned.
Now that we have the logistics out of the way, are we all ready then? Lovely! Let's begin...😈
Important context: There’s an assumption here that everything is consensual. I’d never write anything about non consensual acts. Consent and communication are always CRITICAL. Also, this headcanon primarily applies to an established romantic relationship between member and reader, but I do think there are some things that could carry over into a FWB arrangement or something so have fun imagining that.
Least
- Ezreal
Do you know what’s hilarious? I actually have differing headcanons for Heartsteel Ezreal and like base-skin Piltover Ezreal. (I know Riot said it’s all the same universe and everything is canon, but are you really going to put Heartsteel Ezreal next to base-skin Ez, Debonair Ez, or Ace of Spades Ez and tell me they have the completely same vibes? To use my favorite GIF of Viktor from Arcane:)
But back to the reason we’re here. Let’s bffr, we all know this is the right spot for Heartsteel Ezreal.
He exudes such sub energy lmao. Like that’s baby boy right there. (He LOVES when you call him that BTW.)
You are absolutely going to be the one in control in your intimate relationship and that also includes aftercare. You will be taking care of him.
This chaotic man is a certified B R A T. The BRATTIEST of brats. And you just know it’s all on purpose to get a reaction out of you. 😂
Not shy at all about letting you know he’s needy. I’m not sure Ezreal (in any fucking universe lmao) has a subtle bone in his body. He definitely isn’t afraid to get a little whiny/clingy/handsy (but not like inappropriately so if you’re in public) in order to get his message across.
Likes to try and take the lead when you let him, but eventually he gets tired and you have to take back over.
Could he escape when you tie his wrists to the headboard? Absolutely, but why would he do that when he absolutely loves it? Also loves when you blindfold him. Oh, and he has the BIGGEST praise kink (receiving). Like be sure to tell him how good he’s being for you.
Wants you to use toys on HIM. Be creative and tease the hell out of him. It’s what he gets for being a brat.
He’s absolutely walked into rehearsal covered in love bites before, much to Alune’s dismay, so now you have to be a little more discreet about where you mark him. But believe me, he definitely wants you to.
- Aphelios
I was having such a difficult time figuring out how to classify Aphelios. Like I truly couldn’t figure out if he’d be dom or sub. Then it hit me….
He’s BOTH. The man is a fucking SWITCH. (HELL YEAH FOR SWITCHES.) Still a little unsure if he leans more dom or sub, but my gut is saying a bit more sub, so that’s what we’re going with.
There are days when he gets home and he needs to get his frustration/stress out. Those are the days he’s more dominant. Then there are other days where Phel is just damn tired and needs to be taken care of by his favorite person (you). Those are definitely the days he’s more submissive.
On those days, please pamper this man. He works so hard…
Even if traditional dirty "talk" can't be a part of your relationship, Phel’s a very creative man, as you know, and he will let you know how he feels, whether you're with him or not.
The absolute MASTER of sexting. Like you’ve been in meetings and your phone buzzes, and it’s just your lovely boyfriend texting you the most incredibly filthy stuff. You even had a coworker once ask if you were alright, you were so flushed. But my friend, TEASE HIM BACK. One afternoon Yone had to whack him on the back after he took a sip of water, looked down at his messages from you, and started coughing.
I’ve discussed previously (HERE) that I don’t think he’s had a ton of relationships before you, so I think the broadening of horizons in your physical relationship will take time. Butttttttt…..
This man is a very fast learner. (I’ve said it before and I will say it again: The quiet ones are always the most perceptive.) He knows exactly where and how to touch you in order to hear you gasp and moan. (Your body is an instrument, and as we all know, Phel is GREAT at playing instruments.) As he learns more about you and your body, he is willing to try new things with you. He trusts you deeply.
Whether or not he’s on top, Aphelios likes positions that allow him to see your face, and more importantly to him, allow you to see his face. Because he can’t verbally tell you how incredible you are and how much he loves you in the moment, it’s really important to him for you to be able to get that message somehow, and his face is very expressive. (Especially his eyes.)
Doesn’t matter if you’re leading aftercare or he is, it’s one of his favorite parts. The intimacy between the two of you while in this “vulnerable” state, taking such gentle care of each other, makes him melt. (Despite all the sass and the smolder in photos, he’s become a bit of a romantic.)
(A/N: Ok Yone and K’Sante I could also see being flipped here. I feel like they’re similar in “level” of dom, if that makes sense.)
- Yone
So Yone is definitely where we cross over into members who are for sure more dominant. Like he’d let you lead if you asked, but he’d absolutely be in control most of the time.
Similar to Aphelios, he knows EXACTLY how to read your body. (Those quiet men and their awareness!!!!) An extremely fast learner when it comes to what flusters you, gets you in the mood, and your favorite things he does.
Do not be afraid to be vocal with him. He loves hearing your noises when he does something very right. And he loves hearing you talk (especially when you say his name). He’ll always verbally confirm with you that you’re still enjoying yourself. And don’t worry about being too loud. He’ll soundproof the bedroom if necessary (he knows where to get extra soundproofing foam since he redid his whole studio).
“That’s it, my love…say my name again for me…let me hear you…” (🫠 <- Oh look it’s me!)
I ranked him the most romantic member for a fucking REASON (though I still think him and Sett are basically neck and neck). I think what really takes Yone up in the romance arena are his pet names for you (HERE).
There’s no one better to create mood music. And you know he puts in EFFORT. Along with mood music, I can absolutely see him giving you roses and slow dancing around your apartment to just set the VIBES. (Fucking immaculate vibes right there.)
While I can’t see Yone having too many “wild” kinks or fantasies, one that I absolutely can see him enjoying is shibari. Of course he’s very gentle and makes sure you’re not too uncomfortable (this sweet sweet man).
As I said earlier, he definitely likes to hear you, so dirty talking (both giving and receiving, but especially receiving) is for sure a big kink of his. And you love when he murmurs/whispers the sweetest yet dirtiest things into your ear.
Primarily prefers positions where he can see your face, but I also think surprisingly he’d like to hit it from behind. Especially when shibari is involved.
Very very sweet with aftercare. He thoroughly checks you over, making sure you’re feeling alright, and wipes you down before whisking you away to a bath. That’s when cuddly Yone comes out and he’s not leaving your side for the rest of the evening.
- K’Sante
K’Sante? He knows how to treat a partner RIGHT. He’s setting the mood throughout the entire fucking DAY. But you know what makes it even better? It doesn’t even have to be a special occasion. It could be a random Thursday and he’s still going all out.
I suppose that makes him the king of foreplay since he knows how to play the long game. This man is a PATIENT dom. What a fucking tease omg. (Those are his biggest kinks btw. Foreplay and teasing (both giving)).
Buys you a full outfit he knows (not thinks, KNOWS) will look incredible on you. Includes lingerie if that’s something you like. Of course he’s right. It really did look great on you and you got so many compliments that you couldn’t help but feel amazing and sexy. He also takes care of any small things you usually do so you can focus on yourself.
Sending you texts that gradually get flirtier and spicier throughout the day. Might even leave you a voice message or voice mail (with a text warning first to use your headphones because he’s smart like that).
All of this makes it so you’re ready to pounce on K'Sante the second he gets home. You’re ready to climb this giant man like a fucking tree.
That’s EXACTLY what he was trying to do. He can’t help but chuckle as he carries you to the kitchen instead of the bedroom, ignoring your complaints. He just smirks widely down at you once he sets you on the counter and softly but confidently, brooking no argument, says, “Not on an empty stomach, baby. You and I both know that’s unwise.” (He’s absolutely right.)
But worry not. The fun starts after you finish the delicious dinner he made. He���ll put you right back on the counter and enjoy his “dessert” first. 😉
Eventually though, even the master of the long game finally loses his patience (he played himself just a little bit). I think because of that, he’d be just a bit rough with you (though of course nothing that you dislike). You’re up against the wall/door of the bedroom as soon as you enter. When K'Sante doesn’t play the long game, I definitely think he’s much gentler and more romantic with you. Even without the long game he’s still definitely a fan of foreplay like oral or toys. He’s making sure you’re prepared for him.
Loves positions where he can show off his strength. He works hard for it, and what better way to reap the benefits than to use it to make you feel good? Loves anything that involves carrying you around.
I can totally see K’Sante being great at aftercare. He’d heat up some leftover food for you and get you a Gatorade (hydration!!!) after helping you clean up. And I fully believe cuddling him is one of the best things ever.
- Sett
Settrigh (that’s right, FULL NAME TO START) is not only dominant as fuck, but he’s one of the most ROMANTIC doms of the group and you will not convince me otherwise.
Outside of the bedroom? You have Sett wrapped around your little finger. This man worships the ground you walk on. (Lucky!!)
But intimacies? That’s his domain. He’s here to give you what you and your body NEED. You just have to give him the keys and let him drive. (“Let him cook” as the kids today say [lmao I swear I’m not even that old]).
When he’s with you, his goal isn’t even to find his own pleasure. Remember when I said acts of service (giving) is one of his love languages? 😉 (Same headcanon linked in Phel's.)
His goal? To make sure you feel loved/give you as much pleasure as you want. THAT’S how he finds his pleasure, knowing you’re feeling out-of-this-world because of what HE’S doing.
The master at creating romantic ambience. An incredible homemade meal by candlelight, a rose petal trail/petals covering the bed, special surprises (toys, lingerie, candles, music), and many other things to help set the mood.
Sett is extremely tall and very strong (I mean duh, pit fighter) and he loves pulling you into his lap for a make out session.
Praise kink, both giving and receiving. Loves telling you how good you are for him, how incredible you feel. And when you breathlessly tell him he feels perfect and beg him not to stop? That’s the shit he LIVES FOR. Absolutely loves the sounds you make. To likely no one’s surprise, I do think he has at least a little bit of a breeding kink.
Because he is a romantic, he likes to see your face. Loves watching your expression as he brings you bliss over and over and over again. (“Eyes on me, kitten. That’s it…you follow my directions so well, love…”) Also loves oral (giving). It’s one of his absolute favorite things in this world. Please PLEASE sit on his face, he loves it.
A KING of aftercare. Like Sett spoils you absolutely rotten. You don’t even have to lift a finger as he gently wipes you down with a warm wash cloth, carries you to a bubble bath where he cuddles and cleans you himself, and grabs you all the water and snacks that you need as soon as you’re cozy in bed again. He sets the bar SKY HIGH.
- Kayn
If you don’t think Kayn is very much on the dominant side, I don’t know what to tell you because have you SEEN HIM? The confidence. The energy. His SMIRK. This man is in full control and he KNOWS IT.
Will let you be in control every now and then when you request, but he’s definitely the main one who is in charge. And honestly he’s so good at his job that you’re very happy with your arrangement.
Loves buying you lingerie (so he can rip it off you later). If you surprise him by waiting in bed wearing just lingerie that he bought you, Kayn will go FERAL.
HICKEYS. This man is shameless when it comes to marking you. And he loves feeling you mark him, but of course because of his profession, you’re a bit more limited on where you can mark him. He needs to be able to cover them.
He is kinky as hell. Hair pulling, BDSM, edging, toys, and more. Dirty talk KING. Like I don’t think he’d shut up. Murmurs the filthiest shit in your ear. With your consent he’d also take photos and videos, but of course they’re on a completely separate phone that only you two know about/have access to (he takes it with him when he travels).
He’s an ass man so any position he can see your ass, he loves. Big fan of oral (both giving and receiving but more so receiving). “You look so fucking pretty on your knees for me, Angel…”
Of course Kayn’s not a jackass. If you need to go slower or need more romance he’s happy to give you that. He can be surprisingly gentle and sweet.
And if you ever do need to use it, the SECOND you use your safe word, he stops, murmuring gentle and sincere apologies and affirmations as he takes you through your aftercare routine. He knows he can be rough, since you’ve told him he’s allowed to be, but the very last thing he wants to do is hurt you or go beyond your limits. You’re truly precious to him.
I think he is secretly phenomenal at aftercare. Like you might not think so from looking at him, but he really goes the full nine yards. Warm bath or shower with him, changing into comfy pjs (or not, he leaves it up to you), a massage if you’re sore anywhere, hand feeding you a snack and helping you hydrate, and some damn good cuddles and pillow talk.
Kayn is an excellent dom who cares about your satisfaction and well being in and out of the bedroom.
Most
Thank you for reading! This was so fun to write. I'll be honest, I even managed to fluster myself! 😳😂 Maybe I’ll have to do like NSFW A-Z for each member. Here’s a small glimpse into my internal and external reactions as I was writing for each member!
Ezreal: *Smirking, giggling, kicking my feet* (He’s who inspired this entire post tbh.)
Aphelios: *Eyes widening in realization and blushing*
Yone: *Sighing and swooning*
K’Sante: *Biiiiiiiiiig smirk*
Sett: *Melts into a god damn puddle*
Kayn: *Screams into the void because HOLY SHIT??*
#heartsteel#heartsteel headcanons#heartsteel x reader#heartsteel ezreal#heartsteel aphelios#heartsteel yone#heartsteel k'sante#heartsteel sett#heartsteel kayn#headcanon#heartsteel smut
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The belief that gender is a feeling, something interior and unrelated to sex is not only false, but it also upholds gender stereotypes. What does a transgender person mean, when they say they identify as the opposite gender? I've actually posed the question to a lot of trans people, and the answers were always something along the lines of "I liked things made for boys as a kid. I felt different from other girls. I don't feel connected to my biological gender because I behave differently" (coming from women who identify as trans) or "I preferred girls toys as a kid, I was always drawn toward dressing more femininely, wearing make-up, etc." (from men who identify as trans). I then ask, why does that mean you are a different gender? I thought we were all on the same page with the whole "boys can like pink, girls can like blue" argument. I mean, everyone has been saying that for decades, and we all agree that those are gender stereotypes, right??
So I always asked myself why transgender people used those as arguments to prove their point. The other argument, that a lot of trans people might bring up after reading this, is "Well, sex dysphoria is a thing though". And yeah, it is a disgnosable mental disorder, and there are people who seriously suffer from it. But so is anorexia. Do we see doctors performing liposuctions on people suffering from anorexia, though? Of course not: mutilating the body of a mentally unwell person is inhumane. People who suffer from eating disorders are offered therapy in order to recover and create a healthy relationship with their body. So why would dysphoric people get "gender affirming surgery" (which is an interesting name, because I thought y'all said gender isn't dependent on sex???) instead of analyzing the reasons why their body brings them distress? The whole narrative of "being born in the wrong body" is so...vague. And, *trust me*, I've tried to put myself in transgender people's shoes and comprehend their arguments, but they are just insubstantial. I see why for some of them (especially women) identifying as the opposite gender would be favorable: for women, because it's an attempt to escape their fate in a misogynistic world. It's freeing (I speak from personal experience here, I identified as non-binary for a while). It feels like saying fuck you to the patriarchy. You feel the rush of eluding womanhood (or at least you think you do). But, at the end of the day, it's truly just that: eluding. And (unless you medically transition, to the point you pass as male) it's not going to change anything. People hate us because of our sex, not because of our "gender identity". Men won't care whether you identify as ftm, non-binary, agender or anything else. They hate you because you are Female. That's what misogyny is at its core. And, if you push the idea that gender is just a feeling, something that you can identify as, and that biological sex doesn't matter, and that "anyone can be a woman, actually!" you are inevitably going to water down the definition of Woman until it is just that: a sensation, something intangibile. How can we fight for a category of people, if we can't even define who we're fighting for? Also, Women are the only class this applies to. Take Race as an example: the movement of resistance against racism knows exactly who they are fighting for. The definition of a Black person is not up for debate. People who identify as "transracial" (mostly trolls) are heavily criticized, and they are obviously not included in the Black movement. Why do we have to accommodate males in our movement? Use whatever pronouns you want, get all the surgeries you want, take whatever hormones: it's not going to do anything to defy misogyny. @kieransskin
#radblr#radical feminism#radical feminists do interact#radical feminist safe#transgender#terfsafe#misogny#gender critical#feminism#nonbinary#radical feminist community#terfblr
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So, okay, it's well-known that there's a certain kind of transphobe who gets upset when you refer to a person by pronouns other than their "biological pronouns." This is, of course, stupid as all hell. Pronouns are not biological you fucking idiot. It's also not ungrammatical: grammar does not actually take a stance as to which pronouns to use for which thing. Semantics might have something to say about that, but even that is largely based on social agreement. Grammar might have a stance on how verbs should conjugate based on the pronoun used, but in that case most people will show their whole ass by goin "Well I can't use singular they because how will verbs conjugate? I can't say 'they is'" I mean, you could, but most people would consider that ungrammatical (but literally grammar is also in flux and changes through use), but you could also say "they are," because as it happens English already has a case where a pronoun can act as both plural and singular and verbs will conjugate as if it were plural: this mysterious pronoun is "you."
Anyway so not only is this often revelatory of the fact that a) transphobes are often language cops and b) they don't actually know shit about language, but within the context of Indo-European languages English is actually unique in one way: English has a lot of gendered vocabulary, but what it lacks is grammatical gender.
Grammatical gender is actually a more specific expression of a noun class system. Previously in linguistics people did use the terms interchangeably, but the former is more accurately a specific form of the latter.
A noun class system is ultimately just a method for typing nouns into categories often based on some arbitrary criteria, and they may have effects like requiring agreement in adjectives, verbs, affixes, etc. Grammatical gender is when those arbitrary classes are supposedly based on gender. Again, it is still mostly arbitrary, because there's no specific reason for idk the noun "lion" to be masculine, "moon" to be feminine, and "tree" to be neuter.
Anyway the conflation of noun class and grammatical gender has led to such claims as "in the Dyirbal language one of the genders is 'women, fire, and dangerous things,' isn't that hilarious?" which is inaccurate to say the least because what's being described isn't a gender but a noun class (that does contain women in it).
Masculine/feminine is of course a very boring system of grammatical gender. The old workhorse of masculine/feminine/neuter is okay if a bit boring. Anyway my personal favorite is the Swedish utrum/neutrum, commonly translated as "common gender" and "neuter". I don't know when the shift happened, but at whatever point in its development Swedish still retained the traditional Indo-European masculine/feminine/neuter division, and instead of doing the most boring thing possible and dropping neuter in favor of a binary masculine/feminine system they went for the other binary: that's right, grammatical gender in Swedish is yes/no.
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For those with home related New Years Resolutions:
I’ve been a disabled homemaker for 5 years now so I wanted to share the resources that have helped me take our home from complete chaos to reasonably functional and enjoyable.
If you’re not functioning...
If you’re constantly tripping over things and getting injured, eating food that makes you sick, dealing with pests in the home, and struggling to complete basic tasks like feeding, clothing, and bathing yourself, then you should start with...
KC Davis aka StruggleCare aka DomesticBlisters
TikTok
Book
Podcast
Website
I recommend KC Davis’s stuff with a big heaping dose of “keep what works and leave what doesn’t.” She’s one of the few people I’ve seen talking about compassionate care focused on maintaining a level of personal functioning rather than maintaining a home. Her stuff has been very helpful to me during some very challenging times.
I think her some of her best work is probably her videos on the 5 step tidying process, the ones on setting up bedside hygiene and food kits, and the ones on dealing with DOOM (Didn’t Organize Only Moved) boxes.
That being said she has a tendency to use neurotype as a shield for not reckoning with other dynamics in a situation (gendered, narcissism, etc) when asked for advice by viewers which can lead to this “all people with neurodivergence are good” vibe which I find off putting (especially as an autistic person). I mention it because her bleh stuff was all I was coming across and I missed out on her good stuff for a while. It’s worth picking through though.
Her book is a little better on the whole.
If you’re functioning but still very overwhelmed...
If you can complete your daily activities of living pretty regularly but you’re still losing papers you need, rebuying items you didn’t realize you had, or looking around your home at a mess that feels impossible to clean, then check out...
Dana K White aka A Slob Comes Clean
YouTube
Website
Podcast
Books
I love Dana K. White’s stuff. Honestly, I recommend her to every level on this list but I think she probably shines brightest in this category.
Her 5 step decluttering process is pure fucking gold. It’s a decluttering process that doesn’t rely on feelings at all - really helpful for those with trauma or alexthymia generally. She has multiple videos explaining it and even more where you can watch her go step by step with someone over the course of an hour and make a huge dent in some very overwhelming mess. Its the process I’ve used to go through over 50 moving boxes to declutter so we could fit in this much smaller space we moved to in April.
Her day to day cleaning advice is also excellent. Her concept of dishes math has really helped me make decisions about what chores to focus on when I’m low energy. Her 14 Days to Opening Your Front Door series is amazing if you’re having to host for a given occasion but your home is a wreck.
If you’re not painfully overwhelmed by your stuff but there’s still a lot of friction in your home...
If your stuff doesn’t overwhelm you but your home still doesn’t feel that good to be in, you’re still not finding things when you need to or it’s taking you a long time to find them, you create homes for things but they look terrible or they never seem to stick, then you’d love...
Cassandra Aarssen aka Clutterbug
YouTube
Books
Website
Podcast
Clutterbug types were kind of a game changer for me. It’s what really opened my eyes to why the systems that worked for me did not work for my partner. She is a Bee - lots of small categories that are all very visible - and I am a ladybug - big bucket categories that aren’t visible. When I reorganized our space according to the compromise between our types, Butterfly - big categories and very visible - all of a sudden the systems just worked so much better. There were many fewer fights sparked by things not getting put away or not being able to find things. So I really recommend her videos on the different types and examples of each.
Quick word of warning, she does have regular videos about diet and exercise that I personally find pretty triggering to my disordered eating habits so I’m not subscribed to her and just check her channels every now and then so it’s easier to skip over videos where that might be a topic she talks about.
Cliff Tan aka Dear Modern
TikTok
YouTube
Website
Book
Cliff Tan’s work is the most recent of these resources that I’ve come across but holy shit I cannot recommend it enough.
Because my parents didn’t originally intend on my partner using the room she wound up using, there’s simply not space to keep some of the furniture and items in there anywhere else. Meaning she just kind of has to keep a fair bit of junk in there. But after watching (read: binging) the Dear Modern YouTube channel and seeing him completely change spaces by moving furniture around, I redid my partners room over the course of about 2 hours and it’s a completely different room. Way more comfortable and she’s already mentioned she’s getting much better sleep.
So I really really recommend his stuff. Sometimes what you really need isn’t new stuff but just rearranging what you already have.
If you’re pretty content with your home but want to streamline the process of caring for it...
If your home is pretty functional but regular tidying, deep cleaning, and maintenance tasks specifically keep falling through the cracks, then you might like...
FlyLady System
Website
The Secret Slob - YouTube
Diane in Denmark - YouTube
There are lots of systems out there for house keeping but I’ve yet to try or see one that seems to do better than FlyLady for me. Since with my illness my energy varies wildly, I don’t necessarily do things when her system recommends but I do them according to the priority her system ascribes to them as I’m able.
FlyLady is a notoriously convoluted website so I really recommend learning from a secondhand source. The Secret Slob and Diane in Denmark are my favorites.
Maintenance Lists
This Old House
There a lots of maintenance lists out there and honestly finding one and doing what you can is better than nothing. I personally like the ones from This Old House because they’re broken up into annual, seasonal, monthly, and some weekly tasks - which are essentially priority categories, similar to FlyLady. I’ve linked the winter one here but there are many others to pick through depending on what you want to work on.
Bonus: Paper Clutter
My System
Link
This is what I’ve arrived at after years of experimentation. It’s an amalgam of a few different ideas from different systems in one place. I keep mind on my fridge but put yours where ever you’re dumping paper anyways. If you’re in a room or live in a car/backpack - I have ideas on how to organize it for those in this post too.
Sunday Basket
YouTube Video
The Minimal Mom’s Video
She’s in Her Apron Video
Need something a little more robust? The Sunday Basket is probably be best version of a paper (and other stuff) system I’ve seen. Got something that needs dealt with? Chuck it in the Sunday Basket. The creator also has videos on long term paper storage ideas if that’s something you need as well. But her videos usually run an hour long so I recommend starting with either the Minimal Mom’s video or She’s in Her Apron’s video.
Bonus: Digital Clutter
PARA System/Building a Second Brain by Tiago Forte
YouTube Channel
Website
Book
Essential Video
The branding on this system can be very productivity tech wonk which is off putting to me but when I finally started hearing what was at the core of it and applying it - my digital life was changed. I’ve linked my absolute favorite video he’s done here. Ignore the bit about it being the last in the series, most of us are already using some note app and if you like it you can always go back and watch the rest. But just applying what’s in that video to your digital systems will make things easier to find.
Hope this helps someone out there!
#homemaking#housekeeping#getting your shit together#organizing#adulting#life skills#home#decluttering#studyblr
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#tag talk#the thing about accidental transphobia is that it's understandable. it's expected. but it still hurts#the revealing of the fact that someone's fundamental worldview simply doesn't allow for your existence. fuck it I'll be direct. MY existenc#it hurts that someone simply does not see the world as it is with me in it. they see me as something different from what I am#I am interpreted in such a way to make my existence fit into a prior schema. and that hurts.#and I get that it's not intentional. but I am differnt. I don't fit. none of these options are applicable#and it gets exhausting to constantly pick “other” on everything I ever get. I'm always “answer in the tags” always “none of these options”#and I get that it's accidental. but that just shows how endemic it is. that i get painted over by accident. that I can just disappear#your binary is a good rule of thumb but I am an extrajudicial case. it's a good approximation but I'm an outlier#and i know I'm not the only one. I've met so many other people who fall in the same category of “other”#and we're all such fucking lonely people. every single person I've met. tired of being erased. of being ignored.#gender is bad enough but even sexuality. “are you straight?” well not really “so you're gay” well not really that either#I'm queer I"m queer I'm queer I'm queer I'm queer genderfuck sexfuck fuck everything I'm so tired of redrawing lines so I fit in them
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What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?
It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.
It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.
Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.
Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?
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first off i hate this ask and i think youre a freak. in any other world i wouldve blocked you for this but unfortunately for both of us i actually like this type of philosophy. dont send this shit to anyone else though
i dont think its right to compare human sexuality to the same thing in animals, to get that out of the way. im sure until a certain point it comes from the same biological impulses, but human beings have way more complicated social structures and reasons for coupling that just do not exist in other animals. our social behaviours are what make us unique in the animal kingdom and that definitely extends to gender and sexuality. so theres that
people love to tout 'gender is a social construct' around like its a criticism in and of itself, which i think betrays a misunderstanding about social constructs in general. theyre the foundations we build language on to better understand each other, and affected by a whole host of cultural and historical factors. just because theyre subjective and complicated doesnt mean they arent real. in terms of the effect they have on peoples lives they may be the most real thing that exists
for example, 'kindness' is a social construct. the definition and ways it is enacted differ greatly across personal and cultural lines. but no one would ever suggest a world where kindness doesnt exist or loses meaning, because its an essential part of the way we interact with each other (in the same way i dont really see a world where gender entirely ceases to exist, mainly just one where people have more fun with it. im not a psychic though so who knows)
similarly, sexuality in humans is another social construct. i think the driving biological forces behind it are very real, but the labels people attach to those impulses are subjective attempts to express their inner world to the people around them if that makes sense. and those same biological impulses are ALSO subject to social ideas of gender, because those ideas are established at birth and reinforced over a persons entire lifetime
to use myself as an example, im a gay trans man. ive identified as other things in the past, because i was trying to pick apart feelings i had and express them to others in an attempt to find community. my identity might change as i get older and experience new things, or it might not. i identify as gay because im not attracted to the social concept of women, and someone i would otherwise be attracted to might lose all appeal after i find out they fall under that concept (this has happened before w transfems pre and post coming out lol)
of course, the real REAL answer to this is that trying to give queer identities rigid and objective definitions is a fools errand, and also lame as fuck. someone might identify as gay and be more attracted to general masculinity than men as a social category, maybe they fool around with a couple of butch women without considering themself any less gay. two otherwise identical people might be a butch lesbian and a gay trans man without either of those identities coming into conflict. they might even be the same person at different times of the week
the labels people choose to use are communication tools, not objective signifiers. if you dont understand them, they probably arent talking to you
social constructs are everything. we as humans have the unique ability to interpret our own messy desires and impulses into words that other people can use to form an idea of someone else in their mind. its how we build connections, and of course it isnt perfect because trying to squeeze someones entire personal history and the centuries of context that defined it into a handful of syllables is going to leave some room for error. but its all we have, yknow? so we keep trying. and i think thats much more human than any imposed objective 'truth' could ever be
tldr we live in a society dipshit. get with it
#ask#long post#i feel like i should tag for the ask bc it sucks but idk what so like. lmk#gender#trans stuff#i love you language philosophy i love you messy human relationships i love you contradictory identities
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Your post about "transitioning to escape gender but then there's more gender" has been rotating furiously in my mind since I saw it. When I first realized I was trans at age 15, I identified as agender, but I knew I wanted to go on T and get top surgery so I decided it would be simpler to tell everyone I was a trans man and that just kind of became the truth. Now 10 years later I'm sorta starting to feel like I wanna actually be agender again, but the idea of an identity shift like that at my current age is terrifying and idek who I'd tell, or how I'd do it, and I don't think I wanna stop using he/him exclusively, and I have no idea why I'm telling *you* this other than that I'm scared to talk to anyone I know about it because it feels like somehow admitting that I was wrong about the gender I fought like hell to become, even though i don't really think that's the case I think my sense of self might just be continuously evolving... but I just wanna say you talking about having a gender shift like once every several years is helping me process this rn and feel like I'm not faking anything now AND wasn't faking anything before.
Dog i am right there with you. As a kid I always thought gender was bullshit, the coercive nature of it disgusted and scared me and I rebelled against it the best that I could. I loathed being assigned to any gender category, I never identified as a "girl", but I didn't really identify with any other category either. Puberty terrified me (and of course, it does most young people, but it felt like it would only more deeply entrench the category that I was assigned to in other people's minds, it made it more difficult to escape). I had trans friends as a teen but it did not occur to me to transition because there was really no end goal that I wanted to head toward, I just knew what I wanted to avoid and not experience. I coped mostly by degendering my body with a fairly androgynous style and way of presenting myself to the word and mannerisms, but also by starving myself which was not so great, and not sustainable. I considered transness for myself, even trying on a friend's binder and presenting masculinely at certain queer events, but it seemed to me at the time like just another way in which to obsess over gender, a foolish coercive socially constructed thing that i was trying to avoid.
In my 20s, I learned more about nonbinary people and figured that explained things pretty well. I was enamored with the transition journeys of some other trans people, largely trans women more than trans masculine ones (with some trans-effeminate faggot boy exceptions), but I still didn't want to take on all the expense and uncertainty and hassle of navigating the medical system for myself. I didn't think that the pursuit of being happy merited taking on so many risks or fiddling with myself so much. I saw it as an extravagance I didn't deserve, I guess, and I also couldn't locate a target outcome that seemed desirable enough for me. I was still dealing with an eating disorder and recovering from some trauma and didn't really think about my life in the long term. I guess I still don't, haha, whoops.
Eventually I came out as nonbinary, and nobody really gave a shit. There is a lot of useless, solidarity-breaking discourse that happens online about essentially who is "more" oppressed, binary trans people or nonbinary people, and a lot of that fight amounts to the two groups shouting about the ways in which they annoy one another without there being any cogent analysis of power and where oppression comes from (let alone how much those two categories overlap).
But I will say that being a they/them was far more difficult than being a trans guy socially and institutionally, because your identity is completely illegible to every system around you. "binary" trans people struggle under this too, but i have found there are some immense benefits to having a socially and institutionally legible target gender. nobody would fucking actually they/them me. not anyone. not even other trans people and queer people. there were no public gendered spaces for me. there were no spaces for me. there was no way to move through the medical system, professional life, and other public institutions as a nonbinary person. i was still just a cis woman in everyone's eyes. including the people who claimed to support me. and it was massively frustrating.
and so i think ultimately, i took my frustrations with not being at all able to escape coerced gendering as a nonbinary person and combined that with the affinity i do feel for queer men and the general sense of misery i was still experiencing in my life and decided what the hell, i'll round myself up to being a trans guy. i upped my T dose, i dressed more masculinely, i eventually got a super masculine hair cut that really squared off my jawline and got me gendered correctly, and i started more consciously inhabiting queer men's spaces.
and it was pretty dope. for a while. i felt the rush of having gotten away with something. when people effortlessly gendered as male i felt freed at last from the pressure to be a woman. i was no longer being coerced into being something that i was not. i had escaped the enforced category so much that people couldn't even see the history of that category being pushed onto me. there was relief.
but then. as always happens. people made little comments about my handshake being too weak for a man. the hypermasc dudes at the leather bar rolled their eyes at me and all the other effeminate dudes swanning around the bar. the people who picked me up off the apps or at the sauna would always let it slip, eventually, that they had a lot of experience with trans guys, or had most recently been dating all trans guys, and it would make me feel like a stock character to them, yet another category into which all kinds of assumptions had been projected. a type not a person. a few people said my haircut made me look like i was in the military or described me as actually masculine, which was equally jarring because it was so incorrect. people tried to affirm me by saying i was such a dude, i was such a man, i was such a fag, i was such a gay bro, pawing all over me leaving the mark of all their assumptions and oversimplifications behind. i had tried to run away from gender and there i was just BASTING all the time in everybody's goddamn assumptions about gender. trans people didn't talk about it any less than cis people did, they were just as fucking confining to be around.
it honestly feels really dirty. when people try to affirm your gender constantly and can't stop talking about it, when people look past you and see only your body, your history, or the role they have typecast you in, when people use your body as an outlet for their own gender or sexuality explorations, when they keep trying to measure every single facet of existence up into being masculine or being feminine or being toppy or bottomy or any other gendered type, it's claustrophobic.
as a trans man i tried playing this whole gender game and the second i started winning i began to feel even more disgusted with myself. it wasn't a victory or an escape, it was a capitulation. exploring with my identity and presentation has brought positive things into my life and my health has gotten better as a result, and i've made wonderful friends who, like me, are disaffected by this coercive gendering system. so i don't regret any of that. but trying to make myself legible under the existing gendered system was a fool's fucking errand. i wish i hadnt done it to myself and i wish i hadnt had it pushed onto me. to be clear, it was cissexist, binarist society that forced it onto me; even when other queer people coated me in their gendered assumptions that is obviously a byproduct of societal conditioning, and it's conditioning that ive reinforced in my own behavior and outlook toward others plenty of times too. we all do it, and we are all wronged by the existing coercive gender system.
i dont even care how i fucking identify anymore and i have no intention of changing pronouns again or anything, i'm so bored of it, i just actually want off this fucking thing. im not interested in trying to make others understand what i am anymore or in who i am even being simply categorizable, i dont want to obsess anymore over how i am perceived or to attempt engineer my appearance and mannerisms to broadcast an identity to anyone. i dont even want to fuck anybody right now at all because im so sick of how much that's a gender pantomime for people. i want off this fuckin ride man im so done.
it's kind of freeing, to hit this point of complete gender apathy, and i think it is a pretty common stage of identity development for a lot of queer people who have explored multiple identities and roles over time. there is no category that i actually am, or that anyone is, there are just the frameworks that society has given us to work with to understand ourselves, and the ways in which we flatten who we are to be able to make sense of the world using those frameworks. but who i actually am is so much more contextual and mutable than all that. i am a different person in the classroom than i am on the train platform than i am in the bedroom than i am cuddling on the couch than i am when i'm working out than i am when curled up on the floor crying than i am at a big furry convention. who i am continues to change as new people come in and out of my life and age and change and my body alters and as the weather turns. who fuckin knows man it's nothing and everything. i want to let it just be
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