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agent-whiskeys-sweetheart · 3 years

Text

Meant To Be (ii)

Pairing: Hotch x F!Reader

Summary: Over a year after your first interaction with the BAU, it is finally time for your first day as an official team member. Even with all the excitement of the day, the biggest thing you look forward to is seeing Aaron Hotchner again. However, your perfect first day quickly turns out to be not at all what you had imagined.

Warnings: None, some angst?

Word Count: 5,585

A/N: Just know that I promise things are going to get better lol.

NOVEMBER 2007

QUANTICO, VA

For the first time in your life the sound of your alarm is a very welcome one as it rouses you from your light slumber. The whole room is filled with light as the sun streams through the cracked blinds. You had been in this apartment for two months now. It had taken some getting used to but it was starting to feel like home. That was very important to you seeing as Quantico was where you were going to be for the foreseeable future. It took you no time at all to sit up in bed, throwing off your blanket. When you got up to start getting ready, everything was exactly where it was supposed to be. Your clothes draped over the chair at the end of the bed, your go-bag on top of the dresser, and your entry paperwork out on the kitchen table. As always, you had thought out every minute detail. You are determined to make sure that your first day at the BAU is perfect. It had taken excruciatingly hard work and dedication to get to where you are now. Nothing and no one is going to spoil it for you.

After getting dressed in record time you grab your go-bag off the dresser and head out to the living room. You set it on the table next to your paperwork and make your way into the kitchen. Scrambled eggs and toast sound like a good way to start the morning so you get out a skillet and a few eggs. Before you even have a chance to turn on the burner the sound of your phone going off in your bedroom causes you to run back in to check it. As you pull it off the charger you immediately smile widely at the name that flashes on your screen.

“Hey there Miss FBI Agent. God, that sounds good doesn’t it? FBI agent. Or maybe BAU agent. Didn’t I hear you say SSA once? What does that mean? Is it good? It sounds pretty powerful.”

“It means Supervisory Special Agent. And anything you call me that means I’m not hallucinating this whole thing is fine with me.”

“I like that. SSA Y/N L/N. Sounds official. Which is exactly what you are as of today! How are you feeling right now?”

“Excited. Prepared. Kind of like I’m on top of the world.”

“As you should! It’s been a long journey to get here, you deserve to enjoy every step. I still can’t believe my little sister is in the FBI.”

Your sister has been your biggest support system for as long as you can remember. No matter what path you choose, you know she will always have your back. It had been heartbreaking to leave her when you moved but you knew it would be worthwhile in the end. Today is when it finally pays off. She has called you almost every day so even though you are states apart, she is never truly absent. Hearing her voice now, getting the chance to share this moment with her, is more important to you than you know how to express.

“I can’t believe that you’re awake before noon.” This earns a scoff.

“I will have you know that I set an alarm for 5:30 so I would be awake in time to tell you good morning before you head off to work.”

“That’s very sweet of you. I’m really glad you called.”

“Hey, there’s no way in hell I was gonna miss your first day!”

“I appreciate that. It means a lot to have your support.”

“Of course! I will always give it freely. Besides, this is too cool not to talk about. You get to catch bad guys. You now have special government access. Plus you can basically read minds. You’re a real life superhero. How totally awesome is that?”

“Oh, I know. Why do you think I wanted the job? I’m glad you’re able to see its merits. Most people find it very morbid. Or boring.”

“Well most people aren’t us.” Glancing over at the clock, you can’t help a small sigh from leaving your chest. Your sister of course catches on. “Do you have to go?”

“Yeah. I only have about 15 minutes. Thank you so much for calling though! I always look forward to hearing from you.”

“Well I don’t have any patients today and I expect you to call me later tonight so we can talk about everything, okay?”

“Okay, it’s a plan. I love you.”

“I love you too. Have a great first day.” You hang up quickly, making your way back into the kitchen to put away what you had gotten out. Instead you pull out a few granola bars to eat on the way. Even though this isn’t quite what you had planned you don’t mind one bit. Talking to your sister is more important. You briefly wonder if she took today off just so she could be there for you or if it is just a coincidence. If it was on purpose, you wouldn’t be surprised. It had always been kind of funny to you what careers both of you had chosen. She is a therapist. You are a profiler. While the two do have distinct differences there are also a lot of striking similarities. It’s just funny how life works out sometimes. Never what you expect.

You head into the bedroom to grab your go-bag, making sure everything you need is in there. Picking up the paperwork from the table, you head out the door and downstairs to your car. After loading your things up, you turn on the radio to the most uplifting station you can find. This is the kind of morning where nothing less than radiant positivity is welcomed. It’s the first day of your new life and you are going to make the most of it, even if it kills you.

The drive seems to go by in an instant and soon you find yourself in the parking lot of the BAU headquarters. There is still confidence bubbling inside of you but seeing the building right there in front of you causes the nerves to kick in as well. It seems so much bigger to you now. With a deep breath, you realize you need a little boost from your good luck charm. The small compartment on top of your dashboard opens with a click and you pull out the piece of paper inside. It feels good to have in your hands and you read the name at the top over and over again. Aaron Hotchner. His business card had stayed in your car all these years and whenever you felt nervous or unsteady, you pulled it out and for some reason it always calmed you. You were grateful to have it now more than ever.

Feeling renewed, you set the card back in its cubby and get out of the car. Things in hand, you stride right up to the front doors and let yourself inside. Once inside the main lobby you head over to the front desk, where a man asks for your ID. Reaching into the front pocket of your go bag you pull out the badge you had collected weeks in advance. A feeling of power washes over you when he clears you, much like a year and a half ago when you had stepped inside the Fort Worth precinct. However, it was a much more intense feeling now.

The journey towards the main offices of the BAU feels like a dream. The elevator carries you to the right floor and you float towards the glass doors that lead into your new workspace. Inside, it is bright and full of life. People move past you with such fluidity that it seems almost like a dance and baby, you are ready to tango.

Soon your attention is being commanded by a friendly voice you recognize very quickly. “Well, look who it is!”

Morgan makes his way towards you, a wide grin on his face. He looks just how you remember. You are glad the first person to greet you is someone you know. Now standing in front of you, he raises his arms and his expression changes as he silently asks for your permission. With a nod, you reach out as well as he pulls you in for a hug.

“It’s nice to see you again sweetheart. I was starting to wonder if you were ever gonna show up.” Laughing lightly at this, you feel yourself relaxing. “Look at you, all professional. How does it feel?”

“Completely liberating. It feels like it took me a lifetime to get here and now that I am, I can’t wait to get started.”

“Well, you’re gonna get your chance sooner than you think. We just got a case this morning. They called us in a little early to debrief us. We’ll fill you in on the jet. It’s go time baby.” He lightly pats your arm with a smile as he leads you over to where the rest of the team is, all sat at their desks. Spencer and JJ you recognize but there’s one face that you haven’t seen before. “Look who finally made it.”

JJ stands quickly to give you a hug, patting your back. “Leave her alone. She was doing a lot of hard work to get here. She doesn’t deserve to be teased in her first ten minutes on the job.” She says to Morgan, shooting him a playful glare. “Welcome. We’re really excited to have you here. You’re going to make a wonderful addition to the team. If you ever need anything just let me know, okay?”

“I will. Promise. Thanks.” Spencer is the next to stand, extending his hand to you. Taking it in your own, you nod respectfully. You don’t linger, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“Hi. Sorry, I’m not much of a hugger.”

“Oh, no need to be sorry. I definitely get it. It’s nice to see you again. I know we didn’t really get a chance to talk the last time we saw each other but I’m hoping to change that now that we’re coworkers.”

“Of course. I would like that.” There is still a slight awkwardness in the way he smiles but not nearly as much so as when you first met him. He’s the only one of the three that you don’t feel much of a connection with but you are determined to change that. These were your peers now. Your new family. It was important to you that you get to know all of them. It was jarring at first seeing how familiar they are with you already but it doesn’t take long for you to become comfortable as well. However you quickly remember that there is one person you still haven’t met. Turning to her, you extend your hand.

“Hello. I’m Y/N L/N.” She shakes your hand.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Emily Prentiss. These guys seem to have the advantage here. How do you all know each other?”

“Oh, I shadowed them about a year and a half ago now while I was still a student. Today is my first day as a member of the team.”

“That’s wonderful! Well, I’m excited to get to know you as well.” She offers a welcoming smile, one you appreciate. As you look around the bullpen you take note of the fact that Elle is nowhere to be found. At the moment you feel it isn’t your place to bring this up, so you simply smile at the people who are with you now.

“So, I hear we’ve got a case.” You begin, desperately wanting to learn everything you can now so you can fully prepare yourself.

“Yeah,” JJ answers. “It’s a string of high level armed robberies in Los Angeles. Nobody has been able to identify or apprehend any of the unsubs. There are five of them. All of the robberies were almost identical except for the last one. Someone was shot and killed. That’s when the authorities invited us to work the case.”

“Sounds like fun, huh?” Derek chimes in, jabbing you with his elbow.

“I don’t know if fun is the right word. Interesting sounds better, I think. I’m ready to get started though.”

“Yeah, I see that,” He gestures to your go-bag. “Good thing you’re all packed. That was a smart choice. They don’t always tell you to bring a bag on the first day. You’re all over it though.”

“Well, you only get one shot at a first impression. I wanted to be seen as professional. Plus I am very rarely unprepared for things.”

“Good. That’s a pretty good philosophy to hang onto, especially in this profession. The more prepared you are going into it, the better equipped you are to handle the stressors of the job. There’s a lot of tough things you’re gonna have to deal with but if you charge head first with a clear sense of where you’re going and what you’re doing, it’ll take a lot of the anxiety out of it.” You listen intently as he speaks with a tone of sincerity you have not yet heard from him. When he sees you staring at him, he chuckles. “First tip is free but next time I’m gonna charge you. Good advice like that doesn’t come cheap.”

“Okay, good to know.” You laugh, looking towards the others with a smile. “How about you guys? Any free tips for the newbie?”

“Yeah,” Emily chimes in. “Don’t listen to anything Morgan says.” This causes him to roll his eyes jokingly. “Although here’s a real piece of advice. No matter what happens, no matter how hard the job gets, don’t forget who you are. Don’t let this work compromise your beliefs and your morals. There are going to be times when you rethink what you know but don’t let the awful things you see harden you and turn you into someone you’re not. I can already see that you have a real light and kindness about you. Never let the bad people take that away from you or else they win.” Hearing this, your expression softens. For only having known you for a few minutes, Emily already seems to have bonded with you. Enough to give you such important advice. Her words linger in your head for a moment.

“I’ll definitely remember that.” JJ places a hand on your arm.

“Can I add something?” You nod eagerly, wanting to soak up all of the knowledge that you possibly can from these people. “My advice would be to talk to your loved ones as often as you can. Trust me, you’ll definitely want to after some of the stuff that we see. Talking to someone outside of work and grounding yourself in those relationships will help keep you sane. You’re going to be really grateful for a strong support system later on.”

“Luckily I do have a really strong support system in my sister. She basically raised me. She’s my best friend. It was hard to leave her but I know she still supports my decision.”

“That’s so great. I’m really glad you have someone like that.” You nod, feeling a small tinge of sadness when you think about how much you wish she was here with you. However, it passes quickly when Morgan puts his hand on your shoulder as a sign of comfort. The gesture is simple but calming, almost as if he’s telling you that he is a part of your support system now too. You know the people surrounding you will have your back. That thought lifts your spirits immeasurably.

“What about you? I’m sure I could get some good advice from a genius.” You say to Spencer after clearing your throat.

He chuckles lightly and thinks for a moment. “I guess I would say don’t let your age stop you from reaching your potential. You and I are the same age so I think I know to some extent how nerve wracking all this must be. Just know that even though you are young you have a lot of skills and abilities to bring to the table. Chase after what you want and soak up everything you can now. I’m obviously a strong believer in the collection of knowledge so the more you learn the better off you’ll be later. And you have as much right to be here as anyone else. You’ve done the work so believe in your own skills.” The three of you watch him for a moment and he looks between you. “But, hey, what do I know.” His joke makes you laugh.

“No, that’s really good advice. Thank you.” Before you have a chance to say anything else, a voice from behind causes all of you to stop.

“What’s all the commotion out here?” Turning around quickly you see an older man with dark hair standing on the walkway that wraps around the bullpen. His eyebrows are raised as he begins making his way towards you. Upon seeing him you put on your best professional face but the others seem to stay relaxed as he walks over to you. Once he’s standing next to you he offers you his hand. “Hello.” You take it quickly, shaking hands with him as you maintain eye contact. Unsure of who this man is, you are afraid to make a bad impression. As you look into his eyes there is something so strikingly familiar about him but you aren’t quite sure what it is. “Who might you be?”

“Sorry, sir. I am Y/N L/N. Today is my first day as a member of the BAU. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” His dark expression immediately lightens as he gives you a small smile.

“Ah. It’s nice to meet you as well. Sorry to scare you. I just have to keep these trouble makers in line from time to time.” Seeing him smile causes you to grin as well, beginning to relax again.

“Of course. It’s not a problem at all sir.”

“Well I’m David Rossi. Welcome to the BAU, I guess would be an appropriate introduction. I promise I’m not always so scary.”

“Just most of the time.” Derek adds, causing David to give him a look.

“Please ignore him. I like to think I’m a nice man. I don’t want to scare you off on your first day.” At this you can’t help but laugh.

“Oh trust me sir, you won’t. I’ve worked really hard to get here. There’s no getting rid of me now.” This causes him to laugh.

“That’s a good attitude to have. It’ll get you pretty far in this career. Keep working, keep putting the bad people away. It may take a while but it’s a gratifying feeling. In the meantime, just keep your chin up and you’ll be just fine. You seem like a bright kid.”

“Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”

“Please, you can call me Rossi. Everyone else does.”

“Okay. Rossi. Thanks.” With a warm smile he pats your arm.

“If you want a prime example of working hard to get ahead, look at Hotch. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that man not at work. That’s why he’s the boss.” Derek says. His words make your breath hitch. Just the mention of his name makes you nervous. It’s been such a long time since you’ve seen him and you only spent time together for one day but even so he has been such a huge inspiration to you. And seemingly for good reason. You already know that Hotchner is going to be the man to impress around here but you don’t mind that much.

“Speaking of, have you spoken with Hotch yet today?” Rossi asks.

“No. I actually have some paperwork that I need to give to him before we leave, clearing me to travel and all of that. Could I possibly see him now?” You try not to sound too desperately hopeful.

“Yeah, of course. His office is right up there.” Rossi points to a door across the room. With a deep breath you nod in gratitude and then begin making the walk over to his office. It seems like an endless journey as you remind yourself over and over again that he’s just a person and you don’t need to be so afraid. Or nervous. Excited? Infatuated? Whatever the feeling is, it’s overwhelming. Once you’re outside his door, you close your eyes and breath before knocking. His voice is clear coming from the other side as he tells you to come in.

Opening the door cautiously, you step inside with paperwork in hand. Hotch is sitting at his desk filling something out, not looking up.

“Good morning sir.” Upon hearing your voice he looks quickly up at you. His eyes are just as dark and intense as you dreamed, fixated completely on you. The two of you maintain eye contact for a moment and the world is nothing but him. Suddenly realizing what you’re doing you force yourself to snap out of it, reminding yourself that this man is your boss and you’re acting like a lunatic.

“Good morning.” He says simply, not moving as he watches you intently. Willing yourself to gather up all of your confidence, you walk over to stand right in front of his desk.

“It’s really lovely to see you again. Being here is like a dream. At the BAU, I mean. I’ve been looking forward to it for so long, I almost can’t believe that I’m here. Now that I am though, I’m ready to work. I plan to earn your trust now just like I did the last time we worked together. I won’t let you down.” With a sudden flush of embarrassment, you grip the papers tightly. You have only been in his office for a few seconds and already you have completely exploded in excitement. Taking another breath, you calm yourself. “Sorry sir. I’m just very excited to be here. If you couldn’t tell.”

There is another moment of silence as Hotch’s eyes stay locked on yours, scrutinizing your expression with calm intensity. For a second you can almost see him thinking, as though he’s working something out in his head though you aren’t quite sure what that is. After a moment he stands up, putting you both on equal footing. Everything about him commands your focus and attention. A quiet prayer hangs on your lips as you wait for him to say your name again after all this time. Just once is all you need and then you’d be happy. No more daydreams, no more delusions, no more distractions. Just once and you can do your job. If only he’d quit staring at you so deeply and tell you exactly what you want to hear.

“I do appreciate your heartfelt words ma’am but I’m afraid I’m at a loss. I’m not sure I know who you are.” With that your heart drops. Of all the things he could have possibly said, this was the most disappointing. It’s such a small sentence but it is a mighty blow.

“I’m sorry?” You inquire, hoping that maybe you misunderstood.

“I’m really very sorry ma’am but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not sure we’ve ever met.” Nope, you had understood what he was saying perfectly much to your dismay.

“My name is Y/N L/N sir. We did meet a little over a year ago now. You came to my hometown to work on a case and I spent the day shadowing you. I was a student at the time. Today is my first day here as a team member.” Hotch says nothing in response for a time, his expression exposing what seems to be a deep sense of regret.

“I apologize. We go through a lot of cases, it’s difficult for me to keep track of all the people that come and go in my life.” That is all you need to hear to shut down any further fantasizing. You had come and gone from his life a long time ago. Frankly you feel foolish for indulging these thoughts anyway. It was one day a year ago. There is nothing to look into. He is your boss now, not some high school crush. This is a professional environment. This would be for the better anyway. At least those are the sorts of things you tell yourself. “I really don’t mean any offense. It’s nice to meet you. Needless to say we’ll get to know each other now since we’ll be working together. Welcome to the team.” He tries to soften his expression but there is still a severity to it that doesn’t ease the knot in your stomach.

“It’s really my fault, sir. I shouldn’t have expected you to remember me. It was a long time ago and you’re a very busy man. No offense taken. I’m excited to work with you.” Trying to change the subject, you extend your paperwork towards him. “Here’s all of my entry paperwork. It gives me authorization to travel, my medical and professional history is there as well. All I need is your signature and I will be clear to begin working.” Looking through it quickly he nods before signing each of the necessary lines. He hands it back to you and you nod awkwardly before deciding to merely head towards the door. “Thank you sir. I’ll take this to the front desk really quickly and I’ll be good to work this latest case. I’ve already brought a go-bag.”

“Oh, you won’t be needing a go-bag.” This stops you in your tracks.

“I won’t?” You ask, turning to face him.

“No, you won’t. You’re not travelling with us for the case.” Every dream you’d had about your first day at the BAU is crumbling around you with every word that comes out of his mouth.

“Can I ask why, sir?” Leaning down to open a cabinet, he pulls out his own go-bag and unzips it to check its contents. This simple act of dismissal is enough to make you feel an inch tall.

“It’s only your first day, I don’t hardly know anything about you. I don’t feel comfortable taking an agent into the field that is practically a stranger to me and to the rest of my team. It will only compromise your safety and the safety of others. When I get back, we’ll have a discussion and see where you’re at when the next case rolls around.”

“But sir,” For a second your own words ring in your head. You’re the boss. No explanation necessary. You are not the kind of person that questions authority. You never have been and you thought you never would be but hearing your new boss say this to you makes your blood boil for some reason. It’s like Spencer said. You have as much right to be here as anyone else and you have not gone through seven years of grueling work to be put on the sidelines from day one. “I have studied and trained for a long time. I put in the work, the same as the rest of you and that’s why I’m here. I didn’t just show up on accident, it’s because I’m good at what I do. I have all the paperwork and I am prepared to put in the effort on this case.” His movements have stopped now and his eyes stay locked on yours, unable to look away as you speak. Once you’re finished he breaks away and sighs deeply.

“I am not disputing any of that but I am responsible for the safety of my team and now that includes you. It would make me feel much better if I could talk with you before sending you to the front lines. I’m on your side here even if it doesn’t seem like it. But at the end of the day I am your boss and I have final say. The answer is no. I want to like you, Y/N. Don’t give me reason to distrust you on your first day.”

“Yes sir,” Is all you are able to mutter as you feel yourself deflate. “I didn’t mean any disrespect.” The shift in your demeanor must have been palpable because his expression suddenly softens and a hint of a smile ghosts over his lips as he walks over to you.

“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry to disappoint you but you’ll have your chance soon enough.” With that, he grabs his bag and walks out of the office. In no more than ten minutes all of your big hopes and dreams for your perfect first day at the BAU were crushed. Everything has been happening so fast that it still seems like it might not be real. It’s all you can do to walk back out into the bullpen. Derek is the first one to notice your mood shift.

“What happened?” With a forced smile you shake your head.

“I’m not going to be joining you guys. The boss doesn’t feel comfortable letting me into the field just yet. I guess it makes sense.” Hearing this, Derek, JJ, and Spencer all three share a confused look.

“It actually doesn’t make that much sense. If you’ve got the paperwork, you are clear to go in the field. Everything should be in order. I’m not sure why he would wanna keep you behind. You’ll learn more in the field than you will sitting here.” Emily and JJ nod in agreement and you shrug off his questioning.

“It is what it is. I’ll just have to make the most out of it.” You quiet down but he can see that there is still something upsetting you.

“Okay, come on. What else happened?” The expression on his face is one of determination as he stares you down, waiting for an answer.

“It’s nothing really. It’s just that he didn’t remember me and I was a little disappointed. That’s all. It’s not really a big deal.”

“No, that is definitely a big deal. Hotch is not a forgetful man. Especially when it comes to people. If he worked one on one with you a year ago and he knew you were going to be a future member of his team, he would have paid especially close attention to you. That just definitely doesn’t seem right to me.” As much as you agreed with him you decided now wasn’t the time to push the issue.

“Well, I’m sure he just had a lot on his mind. It doesn’t matter. Anyway, good luck guys. I’ll see you when you get back.” The look on Derek’s face indicates that he wants to continue the conversation but he doesn’t. The three of them grab their go-bags and head to the door. Following them you smile when Derek gives you a side hug.

“We’ll all go get a drink when we get back. I promise.” You nod.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Before he can walk out the doors with the others you stop him. “Hey. Thanks. I know we still don’t know each other that well but I appreciate you making me feel welcome.”

“No problem, kid. You’re one of us now. We have to protect our own.” With one last smile he disappears through the main doors. Stepping out after him you stop when you see Hotch standing right outside the doors. With a small breath you walk over to him.

“You’ll be working with our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia. Go down to the bottom floor. Her office will be the third door on the right when you get off the elevator. She’ll introduce herself. She’s very friendly. We’ll speak when I get back.” With that, he too disappears.

In little more than thirty minutes, your perfect day is ruined before it has even really begun. Thoughts spin inside your head faster than you can comprehend. It feels like your fault for letting your expectations get so high. There is no way of erasing it. No matter how many good days you have from here on out, your first day at the BAU will always be a sad memory. It hadn’t been all bad of course. It had been nice to talk with the other team members for the short time that you had. However, that feeling was quickly ruined by your interaction with Hotchner. He was one of the main reasons you were so excited to begin working. You were sure that he would have some inspirational words of advice for you but all he had done was make you feel belittled. There was no way of taking that back. Now you were side lined for your very first case and it was completely out of your control. You really wish you had your good luck charm right about now. Something tells you you’re going to need it now more than ever. The Hotch that exists within that business card is the one you want to linger in your memories. The respectful and professional agent who had made you feel so respected and appreciated. That is the Hotch you need right now but that isn’t the man you’d spoken with today. That is what broke your heart more than anything. With one last longing look at the main doors you gather yourself up and head down to meet Penelope Garcia.

Tags: @talesfromtheguild @lannister-slings-and-arrows @gamingaquarius @gryffindorwriter @nopeforyou @sheerfreesia007 @roxypeanut @ssahotchie @ohpedromypedro @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @readsalot73 @the-mechanical-angel @races-erster @maxlordd @pascalisthepunkest @paintballkid711 @hotchafterhours @h0tchner @ssahotchswife @ssahotchhner @technotic-prophecy @klinenovakwinchester @hotch-stufff

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marvel-sluts · 3 years

Note

Hey bestie! I was wondering if you could write a fem!reader x mob boss!loki where she lives in a shitty part of town so she makes fake id/marriage license that shes the bosses wife to keep creepy guys away, and it doesn't even matter because loki'll never find out...right?

So then shes at the bar trying to get these guys to leave her alone but then loki shows up and plays along? Thanks!😘

fake ID's and creepy men

pairing: mob boss!loki x fem!reader

warnings: swearing, creepy guys.

summary: you and your friend comes up with the idea to get fake ID's to be the mob bosses wife to get guys to leave you alone, somehow this ends up getting you a date with the mob boss himself.

a/n: I feel like I always say this but I'm sorry for being so late! I'm honestly behind on life at the minute. thanks for requesting though, I always appreciate it. enjoy! <3

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

"I'm so fucking fed up of men." your friend, Grace said as she entered your apartment.

"I can't believe you said that I was married to the mob boss." you laughed, pulling off your shoes.

"it worked didn't it? he fucked right off." she said, plopping herself down on your sofa. "you know, we should get fake ID's."

"why? we are already legal." you said, sitting down next to her.

"I know that, I mean fake ID's saying that you actually are Loki's wife. that way the men will leave both of us alone." Grace said, swinging her legs over yours

"why me though? why can't you get one?" you asked.

"because you look more the part, also I have a tenancy to get very drunk and leave with some guy. that wouldn't be very believable." she said, shrugging.

"true, okay. let's do it." you said, turning on the TV and choosing a movie.

»»————-　♡　————-««

"hey baby, let me buy you a drink." some creepy guy said, sliding into the seat next to you.

you groaned internally, making a mental note to give Grace hell for being late.

"no thank you." you said, taking another sip of your drink.

"come on beautiful, just one drink." one of his mates said from the other side of you. you hadn't even realised he was there.

"sorry, I have a husband." you said, beginning to freak out as three more guys from the same group came up to your table.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind." the first guy said, placing his hand on your lower back, making you tense up.

"really? do you know who my husband is?" you snapped, hoping that you had remembered your fake ID.

"whoever he is, I doubt he will mind us having a little fun." one of the other guys said.

"he would definitely mind, my husband is Loki Laufeyson." you said, feigning confidence.

you watched as the colour drained from their faces, there isn't a person in this town who doesn't know that name.

"I doubt it, prove it baby. if you can't prove it then we get to buy you a drink." one of the braver men said.

you pulled out your fake ID and marriage certificate and handed it to one of the closets guys.

"there, now will you please leave me alone." you said, reaching for the documents back.

"I doubt that's real baby, come on let me buy you a drink." one of them said, getting far too close for comfort.

"excuse me? why are you bothering my wife?" a voice came from behind the group. the men scattered quickly, all of them murmering apologies. you turned in your seat to see the mob boss, Loki.

"hello darling, we're those men giving you trouble?" Loki asked, taking the seat next to you and swinging an arm around your shoulder casually. "have they gone?" he whispered.

you looked behind you before answering. "yeah." you stuttered. "sorry for lying about who I was, I just thought that you'd never find out a-and me and my friends thought that it was a good idea to get creepy men to leave us alone." you said quickly, voice shaking.

"it's fine, honestly. I understand why you did it and I'm sure your not the only one with a fake ID to be my wife." he responded with a chuckle.

"oh o-okay." you stuttered, very aware of his arm that was still wrapped around your shoulders.

"are you by yourself or meeting with someone?" he asked, looking down at you with a smile.

"my friend is supposed to be meeting me here, but she's running late. she said she's about ten minutes away." you murmured, raising your glass to your lips.

"well I can't have my wonderful wife sitting by herself. how about I keep you company until your friend comes." he offered.

"only if you want to." you said, shocked that the feared mafia boss was offering to do something so sweet.

"don't look so shocked darling, I may be one of the most feared men in this city but it doesn't mean that I don't have a heart." he chuckled, gazing at you with his piercing blue eyes.

"it's not that, I just thought that you would be busy or something." you said feebly.

"don't worry about it darling, although I do have one question. do guys bother you like that often?" he asked curiously.

"yeah, a fair amount. that's why I decided to get a fake ID, it was my friends idea actually." you said. "now it's my turn to ask a question, why did you save me from those men? there must be hundreds of women in this bar that need someone to do that for them. do you do it for everyone?"

"I don't do it for everyone, I just thought that a pretty woman like yourself is far too good for scum like that. to be perfectly honest I had been working up the courage to talk to you for a while, when I saw those men bothering you I thought it would be a good excuse to talk to you. that and I didn't want their filthy hands all over you." he said, looking down slightly.

"I'm assuming you overheard me saying I was your wife then." you said, taking another sip of your drink.

"yeah, I thought-"

"y/n! sorry I'm late, my boss kept me late. he's such a dick." Grace said, sliding into the seat on the other side of you. "who's this- oh"

"Grace this is Loki, Loki this is Grace." you said, giggling slightly at her shocked face.

"Loki? as in the loki?" Grace asked, grabbing your drink and taking a sip out of it.

"hey! get your own drink and yes, the Loki." you said, grabbing the glass from her and finishing it.

"I should probably be going, it was nice meeting you darling." he said, standing up and slipping a piece of paper into the pocket of your jacket. he winked at you before turning away and heading towards a table of men in suits, obviously waiting for him.

"how the hell did you get talking to him?" Grace asked, leaning forwards and placing her elbows on the table.

"I dunno, it just sort of happened." you said, smiling down at the card you had fished out of your pocket. here's my phone number darling, maybe we can get coffee some time? it read. you tucked the card safely back into your pocket before turning back to Grace, smiling at her as she wiggled her eyebrows at your lovesick face.

"oh shut up you." you said, hitting her arm lightly.

"I didn't say anything!" she protested.

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attemptinghaikyuu · 3 years

Text

Fake Dating: Sugawara

A/n: I’m not sure if I made him chaotic enough, but we can hope~

G/n reader

Sugawara Koushi

Being best friends with Asahi, you end up being at volleyball practice an unnecessary amount

You’re not part of the club, but at this point you might as well be

You and Asahi just kinda drag each other everywhere??

During your time at the club you become friends with the rest of the third years

It’s a tight knit group

You always eat lunch together, and during this time you notice that most other students avoid your general area

Which makes sense, y’all get pretty loud

Daichi’s yelling about the first years needing to work together, Asahi’s trying to not get in the way, Kiyoko’s just chillin, and you and Suga are laughing at it while simultaneously poking fun at Daichi

You make him even madder then he was to start with, and now you’re both regretting it

Suga and you are definitely the most childish in your group

At least that’s what Daichi says, but pffft, what does he know??

It’s not like you both snuck out at night to grab ingredients for a cake for the volleyball team once... and then made it spicy as a prank....

Definitely didn’t do that😬

Your similar interests in causing messes help cement your friendship

But you both have your own ways of cheering people up and that’s how you first genuinely connected and became friends

Being besties with Asahi means needing to comfort him on the daily, not that you mind <3

Being there for Asahi makes you happy, you give him hugs when he needs them and joke about the aces on the other teams not being able to match Asahi’s strength

Suga’s way of cheering others up are hits of love

A bonk to the head and a few words of reassurance to get his friends and teammates feeling better is his go to

Sometimes you team up to encourage someone who’s really down or nervous

By the time you’re both done the person has so much confidence, they probably think they could receive a ball (cough, Hinata, cough)

There’s also the rare occasion where you both turn to encouraging each other

It almost always turns into a competition of who can make the other feel better

These encouragement battles have the whole team gathering around to see who wins

The volleyball team also have to pull you both apart after you start aggressively caring for one another a little too much

It’s a friendship you can’t imagine being without, one where you can go to one another when somethings wrong

You usually go to Asahi when you have a problem though

However, the thing currently plaguing you is something you need Sugawara’s help in

It’s surprisingly easy to explain what’s going on and how you plan on handling it

He straight up agrees because he’s thinking this’ll be free entertainment and he’s pretty sure this will work out for you

Your idea is to gouge your best friends reaction to you dating someone because maybe you have a small crush 👉👈

Okay sO ITS HUGE AND YOU WANT TO SMOOCH ASAHI

So you’re gonna find out if he feels the same through the only idea without you confessing best idea ever conceived

You’re actually really nervous and sweaty when you see Suga before practice at the time you agreed on to tell Asahi

Suga’s smiling and seems relatively relaxed (he’s panicking on the inside, he doesn’t know what he’s doing), and you try to copy him as you spot Asahi

Waving him over, you consider bolting and going home to scream in your pillow, as he gives you a smile asking if everything’s alright

You stand there for a solid minute just thinking how to start this

Then Suga grabs your hand, making you jump as he says, “Y/n and I just wanted to tell you that we’re dating!”

Asahi makes a squeak and stares at you two in shock before chuckling

“I wondered whether you two liked each other,” He pats your head and continues, “I’m happy for you guys.”

You’re smile is strained as you nod and reply with a happy yep!

Aware of the concerned look and small squeeze from Suga’s hand as Asahi goes in the gym, you turn to quietly thank him for helping out, so you can leave as quickly as you can, when you hear deafening WOOOO’s

Looking to the gyms entrance, just in time to see Noya and Tanaka come running out, yelling about how lucky you and Suga are

Uh oh

Before you know it the whole team is around you asking questions like when you got together and who asked who out

Asahi comes over with a smile and tells everyone to leave the new couple alone

So that’s fun :,)

The whole team thinks you’re dating now and if you say you aren’t, then you’ll have to explain to Asahi why you did this

Making an in the minute decision, you answer some questions, “I asked Suga out! And I did it in the middle of one of our compliment battles.”

Suga knows what you’re doing, figuring he agreed to this, he goes along with it hoping you’re alright

Daichi pats you both on the back after the team’s interrogation

Frustration from the situation you’ve put yourself in, has you in near tears, when you finally get to apologize to Suga

Pulling you in for a hug he apologizes too

“You’re not the only one who got themselves into this mess, I did agree to it after all.” He frowns, “I really thought Asahi liked you, that’s why I said yes, so don’t worry. We’re in this together.”

A very radical conversation later, and you’ve decided to keep the dating act up for three months before telling everyone you broke up and we’re better as just friends

Nothing has changed besides you trying to be as close to Suga as possible when Asahi’s around

Daichi ends up asking if you guys actually like the other when you’ve been acting so off as of late

Asahi gives you a concerned look and asks if everything’s going okay as well

If I’m being honest, no Asahi it’s not, and yA WANNA KNOW WHY, I CAN TELL YOUAJTGBGVWZ

You refuse to tell Asahi about your feelings so you and Suga step up your fake dating game😤

You end up holding hands constantly, it’s really comforting??

He squeezes it when he see’s you stressing and it helps calm you down, like it’s super grounding

You make him lunches as thanks sometimes

He knows how to make you feel better and you can’t help but start to search for him when ever you want a hug

A cold day after practice when you’re walking home with Suga you both decided that was a couple thing to do and now you walk each other home he gives you his jacket since you forgot

He’s blushing, Suga really didn’t know you’d look so cute in it

He’s giving it to you constantly after

He gets incredibly hyped about you wearing his jacket, so much so, that you’re a little embarrassed

But... it makes you happy to have someone who cares so much and gets excited at the little things you do🥺🥺

You grab his spare jersey (with the help of Kiyoko) and start wearing it to all his games

He cries the first time he sees you do it

Sugawara isn’t a star player, he isn’t even a starting player, you choosing to wear his jersey has him feeling bubbly and warm inside

He can’t stop hugging you when the games over, he literally refuses to let you go

Not that you care, you love Suga’s hugs

They’re encompassing and safe

You don’t remember when you started talking to Asahi again, but sometime in this fake dating you found you were fine talking with him

You’re actually gushing about Suga and the small study date you have this weekend with him, when he brings up “You have actual hearts in your eyes when you’re with Suga, ya know?”

That makes you stop because what?? You still like Asahi right?

Or wait...

You gasp, startling Asahi as you realize who you like

Panic wraps around you and your friend, noticing tries to reassure you, “Sugawara does the same thing too, he really likes you okay?”

Gulping you ask “He does?”

Once he reassures that Suga does in fact have heart eyes for you, you have a slight confidence boost

Just enough to run to find Suga

He was on his way to the gym when he heard you calling him

He turns, brightening when he sees you running up to him panting

His smile gives you an extra push to finish your impulsive choice

“You’re incredible Suga, whenever I’m with you, I feel like I can take on the would! It’s like you know exactly what I need! When I see your smile after one of my bad jokes, my bad days become good ones!”

Pausing when you see Suga getting ready to join in on your compliment train, you push out the last bit. “You make me incredibly happy! And I have to ask if you’d be my boyfriend beCAUSE ID LOVE TO DATE YOU.”

Suga’s shocked

And then he’s trying to stop himself from crying

Your feeling both relieved and sick to your stomach as this happens

Maybe Suga doesn’t actually like you?? This was probably a mistake wasn’t it????

Before your overthinking can continue, Suga gives you a small kiss

He smiles as he leans his forehead on yours, murmuring “I’d love to date you.”

#haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu sugawara #sugawara x gender neutral reader #sugawara koushi #sugawara x reader #sugawara x y/n #sugawara x you #fake dating #fluff #haikyuu imagines #I’m: tired #feeling: sleep deprived #hotel: trivago

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iguessitsjustme · 3 years

Text

So it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything and I’m a bit rusty, but I just couldn’t help myself. I wrote this mostly for myself but also for @heretherebedork. I didn’t mean to make this so angsty but apparently I can’t help myself when I’m writing, but I promise it has a happy ending! So here is a PayuPuthKaeng fic for whoever wants one:

Payu sighed as he opened his car door to head home after a long day of teaching. He loved his job, but lately he felt his life was empty. Something was missing. Or someone was missing. It had been a little over a year since Puth had broken up with him. Well, not broken up with, per se, but he had ended the little bit of romance they had.

Payu pulled up to his apartment and fished in his bag for his keys. He walked up to the door with his hand stuck in the depths of his bag. It was always a struggle to get his keys out as they always seemed to get lost in the deep pocket of his backpack. That empty feeling came back again, slamming into him as he searched for his keys. He sat down and started to methodically take out each of his belongings from his backpack.

Water dripped onto his carefully arranged notes on the front stoop of his apartment building. Payu looked up to the sky, wondering why it always had to start raining at the worst possible times. He was stuck outside, with all of his students’ homework laying on the ground and he couldn’t let it get ruined. He was surprised to see that there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The sun was smiling down at him. Mocking him in his misery. He lifted a hand to his face, feeling the tears that were involuntarily falling.

Payu rushed to finish his search for his keys before one of his neighbors came home and started asking him questions that he didn’t even know how to begin to answer. After all of his papers had been removed, he felt a ragged, metal object. He had at last found his keys. Telling himself, he would buy a big key chain the next time he was at the store, he pulled the keys out of his bag and began shoving his papers back. He would just have to reorganize everything later. Once he was in his apartment and he had eaten dinner. Yes, he just needed some food and he would feel better.

Payu stood and opened the door, making his way to his apartment. He didn’t think he had ever moved so fast in his life, while still trying to maintain a normal, nonchalant, definitely-nothing-to-see-here pace. Once he made it inside his apartment, Payu dropped his bag and slumped against his door. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened Instagram. He was already sad, so torturing himself a little bit further wouldn’t make much difference.

He pulled up Puth’s Instagram page. He saw pictures upon pictures of Puth and Kaeng, smiling and happy. A sharp pain shot across his heart. Payu knew that he had helped push Puth to choose someone else. To choose Kaeng. Payu had even met Kaeng and liked him. He remembered thinking how cute those two looked together that time they went to get pork barbecue. He didn’t remember feeling jealous back then though. Even if it was obvious that Kaeng was coming on to Puth. Payu had assumed that meant that his feelings for Puth weren’t that deep, which is why he was fine when Puth had chosen Kaeng over him.

At least that’s what he’s told himself for over a year. He had never been able to figure out where this jealousy had come from. He scrolled through Puth’s photos until he came across one of Kaeng and Puth sitting on a park bench, smiling at the camera. They were surrounded by pink camellias. It was a cute picture, but something was missing. There was a space in the middle, like a spot had been reserved for a third person that wasn’t there when the photo was taken. Payu remembered when Kaeng had begged him to get pork barbecue. Kaeng had clung to his arm and looked at him like a puppy begging for a treat. Payu had been between Kaeng and Puth then. It had felt so comfortable and safe. That was the last time he remembered feeling like he belonged somewhere.

Before he knew it, he had liked the photo. “Shit!” Payu gasped and threw his phone across the floor. That photo was from seven months ago. Puth was going to know that he had been lurking on his Instagram. Payu was considering grabbing his phone and deleting his account when it rang. Payu stood up and slowly approached his phone. He looked down at the caller ID and saw Puth’s picture lighting up the screen. “Shit!” Payu said again before answering the phone.

“Hello. Puth?” Payu said.

“P’Payu! I was just thinking about you and then I saw you like one of my Instagram photos,” at the sound of Puth’s voice, part of Payu’s emptiness faded away.

“Oh, yeah. It’s been a while since I was on Instagram and thought that was a really good picture,” Payu said, hoping that Puth wouldn’t think too hard about it.

“Really? Kaeng and I always thought something was missing from that picture,” Puth mused. Yeah, me, Payu thought, surprising himself. It was him that was missing from that picture. That’s why he had liked it. The physical space. He belonged there. That photo was proof that he was a missing piece from Puth and Kaeng.

“I just thought you both looked really good in that photo. Normally you two are hanging off of each other in photos, but you’ve kept some distance in that one,” Payu said, not knowing how exactly to bring up the fact that he was missing from that picture. He was missing from that picture! And every other picture for that matter.

“That’s true. Anyway, Kaeng and I were going to see a movie tonight and we thought it’s been a while since we saw you and we were wondering if you want to come see it with us?” Puth asked, unaware of the somersaults currently taking place in Payu’s stomach.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose on your date.” Payu said. “Impose on our date?!” he heard Puth exclaim before he heard a thud and then Kaeng’s voice replaced Puth’s.

“You’re not imposing on our date. We’re inviting you. Plus, we enjoy your company and I know Puth misses you. It’s been over a year and he’s barely heard from you. Please, come with us.” The last bit of emptiness that still remained even after hearing Puth’s voice disappeared and Payu smiled, finally feeling like he was whole again.

“Okay.”

Payu had no idea how he managed to contain his nerves while he showered, dressed, and drove to the movie theater.

“P’Payu!” he heard someone call his name as he walked up to the ticket booth. He turned to see Kaeng and Puth both smiling at him. Payu smiled back at them, then noticed their linked hands and he could feel his smile freeze on his face. Stop it, he chided himself. They are together and they are happy.

“What movie are we seeing? I still need to buy my ticket.” Payu asked, smile still plastered to his face.

“Don’t worry about that,” Kaeng said, “Puth is treating both of us tonight. He already bought the tickets. And I’m buying the snacks. Tonight is on us. Hope you like horror movies.”

Kaeng had finally said something that caused Payu to frown. “Horror?” he asked warily.

“Don’t worry, it will be fine,” Kaeng said, removing his hand from Puth’s and taking Payu’s. “We can protect you, right Puth?”

Puth reach out and grabbed Payu’s other hand, smiling, “Of course we will.”

Payu struggled to contain his glee as he held Puth and Kaeng’s hands. He was in the middle again. Between Puth and Kaeng. Right where he belonged. He could only hope that Puth and Kaeng could also feel the rightness of him being there. Holding their hands. He hoped they could feel the perfect fit of the three of them.

“C’mon, let’s go. It’s movie time,” Kaeng said and squeezed his hand.

Payu wasn’t entirely sure what happened in the movie as he was too focused on the two hands holding his. Puth and Kaeng held his hand through the entire movie. This had to mean something. They had to know what they were doing to him.

“What did you think of the movie, P’Payu?” Puth asked as they left the theater.

“Oh, um, I liked it? I guess. Horror isn’t really my favorite genre.” Payu responded, noting that Kaeng and Puth were both still holding his hands. He was still where he belonged. He dreaded when they parted and he went home. He could already feel how empty his soul was going to be as he drove home and fell asleep alone. But Payu was always the type of guy to rip off the bandaid, so trying not to sound as though the earth was shattering beneath his feet, he said “I should probably head home. I have an early day tomorrow.”

Though he tried to not sound deflated, Payu couldn’t help but shift his eyes down to stare at his feet as he spoke. Puth and Kaeng both squeezed his hand as if to say they weren’t going to let go.

“Why don’t you come home with us tonight?” Puth asked. Payu looked up, his eyes finding Puth’s. Did Puth know what he was saying? Did he know what he was doing to Payu’s heart? How cruel. Payu didn’t want to be a part of their sex life. He didn’t want to just be one night of fun for them.

Payu stared down Puth, not saying anything, hesitating. He could join them and have one night with the tow of them to always remember and hold on to, but he was scared that he would feel emptier if he had a taste and then had to give it up.

“It doesn’t have to be anything sexual,” Kaeng said. Payu shifted his gaze to Kaeng, lifting one eyebrow. “It’s just,” Kaeng started, “we always felt like someone was missing,” Puth finished for him. Kaeng nodded in agreement, “If you’re not interested, we understand, but we really like you Payu. You are our right person. Standing here, holding hands with you, it just feels right.”

For the second time that day, Payu cried. He nodded at Puth and Kaeng, “I’ve been feeling so empty without you two. You have no idea how much I wanted to be with you. I just couldn’t bring myself to ask. You seemed so happy. And then that picture of you two on the bench. It looked like you left space for someone. Like you left space for me and I –“ Payu choked on his tears. Kaeng and Puth just smiled at him before releasing his hands. Payu gaped at the lost warmth from their hands, only to be crushed in a warm hug. Puth and Kaeng rubbed at his back, comforting him.

“It will all be okay now,” Puth said, “we won’t be apart again.” Kaeng released him from the hug and grabbed his hand again. “C’mon,” he said, “let’s go home.”

They were a tangle of limbs as they fell asleep later that night. Kaeng was sleeping on Payu’s chest and Puth had his leg thrown lazily over the two of them. Payu smiled and hugged them, he was right where he belonged. Sandwiched between his two boyfriends, he drifted off to sleep.

Two new boyfriends and two new apartment keys. I’m really going to need to get that bigger key chain, Payu thought before sleep overtook him.

#y destiny #y-destiny #payu #puth #kaeng #payuputhkaeng #i just really think they should all be together #and stay that way forever #i meant to write something soft and fluffy but instead i wrote this #maybe i'll write more later #doubtful though #i'm apparently incapable of writing fluff

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kaywinchester · 3 years

Text

Dark Power Pt. 3

If you haven’t already, read Part 2 Here!

Summary: Y/N is starting to notice her abilities more often and so is Sam. How is she going to learn how to control them?

Word Count: 2,656

Song requested for this fic: In Control by Nemesea Listen to it Here!

Another four years passed, Sam and Y/N were still living in the same place. Y/N went to school and Sam had gotten a job as a sales representative at a tech company. Over time he got more and more surprised that he was able to lead a normal life, but he didn’t want to get too comfortable. Sam wired the house with a pretty good security system that he got from work, and he always had a gun kept hidden. Even though he wasn’t a hunter anymore, he still knew how to protect himself and his daughter.

It was Y/N’s last class of the day and the bell finally rang. She opened her locker and started putting her books in her backpack. “Hey, are we still hanging out this Saturday?” Her friend Emma asked and she leaned against her locker door.

“Yes, definitely. I got my dad to grab the second part of the movie for us!” Y/N exclaimed.

“Awesome! I’m so excited. Well, my mom’s here, see you tomorrow!” Emma waved.

Y/N went through some folders in her locker before someone pushed the door open, hitting the other lockers with a bang, startling her.

“Oops, did I scare you?” Hannah smirked.

Hannah was one of the few people that would occasionally pick on Y/N. For some reason, ever since second grade, she didn’t like her. Y/N didn’t really let it bother her too much, she just did what her dad told her.

“Just remember, you’re better than she is. She’s just trying to make herself feel better. If you let it bother you, she’ll see that and use that weakness to knock you down even more. Kill her with kindness. But, if anyone crosses the line, maybe you can give them a little taste of their own medicine.”

Sam did teach Y/N how to defend herself when she was old enough. His reason was if she was ever pushed around at school, or walking alone. But he secretly wanted his daughter to know basic self defense in case anything ever tried to hurt her.

“What do you want, Hannah.” Y/N sighed.

“Just wanted to bring it to your attention that tomorrow, Ms. Eller is letting us pick new seats, so you better let me have the seat next to Ashley by the window.” Hannah spat.

“I’ll sit wherever I want.” Y/N simply said.

“Look, we don’t need your smell lingering around where we sit, so I suggest you reconsider.”

“I’m perfectly fine with choosing where I wanna sit, I don’t know why that's such a big deal to you.” Y/N shrugged.

“Those are going to be our seats for the rest of the year, so I want to be comfortable in class. If I were you, sit as far away as possible, preferably by the door.” Hannah laughed.

Y/N was normally unbothered by little comments like this, but Hannah kept going on and on, making dig after dig. Y/N finally had enough and shut her locker door, in the process, all the other locker doors in her row shut like dominoes with a blunt force. Making a loud bang echo through out the hallway. Hannah and her friends stopped and stared at Y/N in shock. The few people in the hallway that were lingering around after school turned towards her as well. Y/N stood there in shock, not knowing what to do or say. She looked at Hannah, knowing she was about to say something to embarrass her.

“Did you guys see that? Y/N is such a freak!” Hannah shouted.

“I-I didn't do anything.” Y/N stuttered.

“You hear that? Y/N Winchester is a freak!” She called out, as she was also backing up slowly out of fear.

Y/N adjusted her backpack over her shoulder and ran out of the school.

...................

Sam got home from work and noticed Y/N wasn’t home. Usually she was in the living room on the couch when Sam got home if she didn’t have any sports practice or was with friends. She said she didn’t have anything planned for today, so as Sam pulled out his phone to text her, he got a call.

Looking at the caller ID, it was Dean. He had kept his number in his phone for all these years, just in case. Sam wanted to call Dean a few different times, but he was afraid he would still disagree with his choices. Dean felt the same way. He wanted to call to see how Sam and Y/N were doing, but he thought Sam would still be upset. But now, Dean needed to talk to Sam, something was going on.

After staring at the caller ID name for a few moments, he pushed the button and answered the call.

“Sammy?”

“Dean?”

“Hey, it’s uh, good to hear you’re voice again, man.” Dean sounded relieved.

“You too, uh what’s going on?” Sam figured it had to be important.

“Well, I’m in town, relatively near you're place. I’m uh, doing a job out here and I wanted to maybe stop by. See how you and Y/N are doing.” Dean said.

Sam didn’t ever think he would hear Dean say he wanted to come stop by. “Dean, I don’t know, today isn’t good... I-”

“Sam, I know it’s been a while. Last time we talked, we weren’t on good terms. But, that was years ago. I wanna drop all of that and start fresh. It doesn’t feel right not talking to you. I also have something I want to talk to you about.” Dean said.

“Okay. Talk to me.” Sam said hopefully.

“Not here, I’d rather talk about this one in person. Does tonight work?” Dean asked.

Sam started to panic a little. What was Y/N going to think? She doesn’t know what Dean does and what Sam used to do. “Uh, yeah, that’s fine.” Sam said automatically without thought.

“Cool, I’ll be there around 6.” Dean said before he hung up the phone.

Just as Sam got off the phone with Dean, an angry Y/N barged through the front door. Throwing her backpack down.

“Hey! I thought you didn’t have practice or anything today?” Sam said.

“Sorry, I got caught up at school.” Y/N said as she grabbed a snack. Sam saw through her front, she looked upset about something.

“Did something happen? Y/N you know you can tell me.” Sam asked in a calm tone.

“Kind of.” She shrugged. “It was that girl again.”

“What did she do?” Sam asked.

“She was just concerned about something stupid and she kept making fun of me, and...” She stopped.

“What?”

“I did something. Something that everyone saw. I didn’t know that I was doing it though. I didn’t mean to.....” Y/N said, sounding choked up.

“Hey, it’s okay. Maybe I can help.....”

“I don’t think you can, dad.... It’s not something normal that happened. I don’t even know what it is.” Y/N explained.

“Can you at least explain exactly what happened, so I can understand?” Sam asked gently.

“So, I was ignoring her words, but then she kept talking. I started to feel really angry, and there was some kind of force, it was like it was inside me and when I got really angry, it just broke free. All of the locker doors in the hallway slammed shut on their own. I didn’t touch anything! They just, moved by themselves. And it happened when I was super mad at her. It happened so fast.” Y/N explained.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Y/N/N, nothing is wrong with you.” It broke Sam’s heart to think that his daughter felt this way about herself.

“Clearly something is wrong with me. I’ve always felt different and the other kids can see it too. They know I’m a freak.”

“You’re not a freak, Y/N. You know you’re not. Maybe you are a little different, but who ever said different was a bad thing?” Sam said.

“Maybe, but... why do these things happen? I want to know what makes me different.” Y/N stated.

“Well, we might just have to figure that out. For now, don’t worry about it. As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters.” Sam didn’t know what else to say. He knew about as much as Y/N did. Of course, he had seen her do similar things in the past but he knew nothing about how she was able to do these things. Y/N let out a small smile and went to grab her backpack.

“I’m gonna go do my homework.”

“Oh, uh Y/N. There’s something I need to tell you.” Sam remembered.

“What is it?”

“Um, you’re uncle is coming over later tonight....”

“Uncle Dean? I thought you guys didn’t talk to each other anymore.”

“Yes, you’re uncle Dean and, we just got in an argument a long time ago and didn't talk for a while. But, he wanted to come visit for a bit.” Sam lied. He still had to talk to Dean about whatever it was he had to say. If it was about what he thought it was, Sam was gonna have to break the news to Y/N about hunting sooner or later. As much as he didn’t want to, he knew it was going to come up at some point.

“That’s weird. Haven’t I not seen him since I was like three?”

“Yeah, just about. Just uh, go do your homework and I’ll call you when he’s here.”

...................

There was a knock at the door around 6, Sam opened the door to see his brother Dean that he hadn’t seen in years.

“Hey, Sammy.”

“Dean, hey! C’mon in.” Sam motioned.

The two hugged it out. “How’ve you been?” Sam asked.

“Fine. Just hunt after hunt for me. How bout you?” Dean asked.

“I uh, got a job. Y/N goes to school. Pretty much just normal stuff I guess.” Sam laughed.

“Wow, you actually pulled it off. How is Y/N by the way?” Dean wondered.

“She’s good! Been playing middle school volleyball, pretty decent grades, she’s uh doing good.” Sam smiled.

The two sat down and talked for a while, catching up about Sam’s life and Dean’s hunting jobs.

“Did you find dad?” Sam finally asked.

“Yeah. He got himself into a little trouble back then, but nothing serious. I was able to help him out. He’s off doing his own thing now.” Dean said.

“Good. Has he uh, ever said anything about us?” Sam questioned. Dean paused.

“He said he misses you. He uh, hoped that you guys are doing well, and that you’re happy.” Dean said.

“Really? Our dad, said that about me.....” Sam was skeptical.

“Yeah, that was a while ago obviously, the last time I saw him.” Dean said.

Y/N walked down the stairs and stopped when she saw the two sitting down. “Y/N! I was just about to come get you, this is your uncle Dean.”

Dean stood up and looked at his niece. She had grown so much since the last time he saw her. Sam sounded proud of her, she had obviously grown up to be a good kid. It saddened Dean that he hadn’t been around the two of them for so long.

“Hey, Y/N. Uh, you've grown up so much!” Dean smiled awkwardly.

“Hi, it’s nice to see you.” Y/N said politely.

“I know you probably don’t remember me that well.” Dean said.

“Not really.” Y/N said a little bit shy.

“Hey, I still wanted to talk to you about something.” Dean whispered.

“Yeah, uh. Y/N why don’t you go upstairs for a while and I’ll call you down when dinner is ready.” Sam said. Y/N nodded and went back upstairs. She knew something had to be going on. Her uncle that she hasn’t seen in seven years shows up out of nowhere and wants to talk to her dad? She knew it had to be something important. When she got to the top of the stairs she stopped and kneeled down on the floor to listen.

“So, you know I’ve been hunting still, and I caught a case around town here, but it’s not just one case. There’s a lot of leads.... I’ve been tracking it for a few weeks now, talking to the locals, the police, it’s all very consistent but whatever this thing is, it’s fast. I haven’t been able to catch it.” Dean explained.

“What do you think it is?”

“Looks like it might be a vamp, or a werewolf. I don’t know if it’s one working alone, or a group of them. I might need some help....” Dean hinted.

“No, no, Dean, you know I quit hunting years ago. Solely for the reason that I have a kid now.” Sam said.

“You think I don’t know that, Sam?! Listen, this thing is fast and dangerous. It’s been after almost everything and everyone, and it looks like it’s coming closer to town. I wanted to do this one by myself initially, but I don’t want to have anything happen to you or Y/N.” Dean said sternly.

“Why can’t you have someone else help you with this. I don’t want to get back into this and risk everything.” Sam said.

“I’ve tried, no one else is available and we don’t have much time.” Dean stated.

“Look, Y/N doesn't even know what we used to do.... We have a pretty set routine. What am I gonna tell her, that I’m just going off to fight a monster for a few days and that I’ll be back?” Sam whispered.

“You haven’t told her yet?” Dean questioned.

“Of course not. Speaking of hunting and weird things, there's something else I need to talk to you about.” Sam said.

Hunting? Werewolf? Monsters? Y/N heard it all. Not only was she confused, she was worried. Whatever they were talking about sounded ridiculous but they were dead serious. She didn’t know if she should speak up and ask about it or to just keep quiet. She didn’t know if it would upset her dad. But she wanted to know more about this.

Sam explained to Dean what had been going on with Y/N and the weird things she had been able to do over time.

“I remember that night, that was strange.... So she has some sort of telekinesis or something?” Dean asked.

“No, well, I’m not so sure. But, it sounds like she’s able to move or control things with her mind. The weird thing is, it’s only when she gets angry at something. I want to help her but I don’t know what this thing is in the first place.” Sam sounded concerned.

“I can look into it if you want.... but are you in or out? I need to know now.” Dean insisted. Sam sighed, this was a big deal. A big deal in which he had to explain to his ten year old daughter that monsters were real.

“I’m in. How am I gonna tell Y/N?” Sam let out a breath of stress.

“Do you want me to tell her?” Dean suggested.

“No, it has to come from me. I’ll figure it out.”

“Alright, I’ll see you first thing tomorrow, man.” Dean patted Sam on the shoulder and walked out.

Sam sat there for a moment with his thoughts. This was a big deal. Not only did he have to tell his daughter the news, but she could also be in danger.

“Y/N, dinner!” Sam called out. Y/N reluctantly came downstairs and took a seat at the table.

“Did uncle Dean leave?” She asked.

“Yeah, it’s getting late, but he’s going to be in town for a while. He’s stopping by again tomorrow.” Sam said. Y/N knew though what they had been talking about and why he was there.

Sam placed down Y/N’s plate in front of her as he sat down with his. She stared at her food with a blank stare, zoning out into nothing.

“Everything okay, Y/N?” Sam asked.

“Dad..... Are monsters real?”

Requests Are Closed Read Part 4 HERE!

Tags:

@mersuperwholocked-lowlife @gracie-and-the-superwholock-gang

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xfandomwritingsx · 3 years

Text

Triangles – James “Logan” Howlett

(image source unknown)

Ashley’s 2020 December Prompts

Prompt: Holiday Meal

Warnings/Labels: Grumpy Logan.

Appox. Word Count: 1,100

The bar is quitter than normal. The lighting is still low and dingy, floors not entirely clean, and the soft Christmas music played quietly over the sound system gives the entire place a somber tone. You feel out of place with your well-kept long coat and fluffy hat. It’s hard not to notice you’re the only female in the place, not to mention the only person under thirty. Despite sticking out like a whale on a beach, heads don’t turn. They’re all too busy drowning themselves in their beers.

You spot Logan at the end of the bar. He’s facing the door and judging by the way he’s nursing his beer and forcibly looking anywhere but at you, you can tell he’s trying to ignore you in hopes that you’ll go away. If he had a little more coward in his bones, he may have actually darted to the bathroom the moment you walked in.

You strut up to him, boots clicking on the wood floor that you imagine had been polished once in its life. Sitting on the barstool next to him, you throw your ID down on the bar for the bartender and order a beer. Logan still hasn’t looked at you.

“Shitty place to spend Christmas Eve if you ask me,” you comment, copying his behavior and purposely not looking at him.

“Well no one asked you,” he grumbles. You’re actually surprised he spoke to you that quickly. “If you don’t like it, then go back home.”

“Home is relative,” you tell him before giving a nod of thanks to the bartender as he brings you your drink. “Although I will say the manor has a full five course meal occurring right now.”

“This place has a Christmas meal.”

“Yeah, I saw the ad in the window.” You scrunch up your nose. “Overbaked turkey and slimy gravy. Not quite my idea of a good dinner.” He huffs out a dry laugh and leans his elbows on the bar top.

“Yeah well, fancy five course meal with the entire manor shoved around one table acting like no one wants to kill each other isn’t my idea of a good time either.” You roll your eyes and finally swivel on your stool to face him.

“No one wants to kill each other,” you argue. He doesn’t turn his head, but he finally casts his eyes in your direction and raises a single eyebrow at you, challenging your statement. “Okay maybe you and Scott want to kill each other, but I thought that was water under the bridge now!”

“Yeah and I’m sure Bobby won’t be glaring daggers at the Cajun all night,” he responds sarcastically. “And Kitty ain’t gonna wanna kill Bobby for being jealous. Jean won’t accidentally spill red wine all over Emma’s inevitably white dress.” You have to bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling. Because he’s not wrong. “That place has enough love triangles to air as a soap opera.” He takes another swallow of his beer and his jaw tightens. “Speaking of, where’s that boyfriend of yours?”

“Are you implying I’m in a love triangle?” you ask coyly. The tightening of his jaw turns into a grind.

“That guy barks at any male who comes within a ten foot radius of you. Ain’t a triangle when it involves every man on the planet.” You hum and pretend to mull over it.

“Except it didn’t.” He’s taken to not looking at you again. You swivel back to the bar and take a long drink. If you were going to touch on this conversation, you wanted more alcohol in your system. “You and I both know he only got pissed when it came to you.” Logan chooses not to respond. “Can’t really blame him. It barely even took a look from you for me to ditch him.” You start to pick at the label on your beer bottle. “You pick up on the fact that this is all past tense yet?”

“Not deaf so yeah,” is his short response. You can tell by the tone he’s on the verge of shooing you away and flipping the conversation to a new channel. You’re not going to let him.

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore. Which means I’m definitely not in a love triangle. Also means I’m one hundred percent available if there’s a specific someone who wants to pick me up and take me home.”

“Knock it off, kid.”

“I’m legally allowed to sit here and drink with you. Kid is a little outdated, don’t you think?” He doesn’t answer again, just grinds his jaw and tightens his hand around his bottle. You widen your stance on the stool, brushing your knee against his leg boldly. “I’m tired of doing this dance, Logan.” His hand clamps down just above your knee and holds you tightly. It might scare some other women, but all you want to do is lean into it.

“You think you ain’t in a triangle?” he growls. “You got me and you got The Wolverine. I’d say that’s one hell of a triangle.” You resist the urge to roll your eyes at him since this is the closest he’s ever gotten to actually admitting he’s got feelings for you.

“Stop pretending you’re not the same person,” you tell him carefully. “I get that it’s easier to compartmentalize and say it’s The Wolverine that wants to get rough with me and it’s Logan that wants to be sweet, but it’s all you.” You put your hand over his and start to move it up your thigh. He doesn’t stop you. “You don’t scare me.” You start to lean into his space with your body. “I know you. I know everything from James Howlett to The Wolverine to Logan. And I want all of you.” His grip on your thigh loosens and turns over to hold onto your hand.

“You’re making one hell of a mistake,” he warns. You smile and give his hand a squeeze.

“The only mistake I’m about to make, is ordering one of those disgusting Christmas dinners.” He chuckles a lot more genuinely than before and lets you go.

“Well I’m not about to let you do that alone.” He flags down the bartender to order and then really looks at you for the first time all night.

Maybe it’s the holiday magic making him soft or maybe it’s some kind of acceptance, but for the first time in a long time, you think that maybe he’s going to stop pushing you away when you get this close. Maybe he’s going to let you both get what you want.

You’ve damned sure waited long enough.

#logan imagine #james logan howlett imagine #wolverine imagine #x-men imagine #james howlett #logan

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missinghan · 4 years

Text

time lapse ⤖ seo changbin

❖ genre : idiots to lovers! au; long-distance relationship! au; fluff; a teeny tiny bit of angst

❖ word count : 14,9k.

❖ warning : explicit language, suggestive remarks & mentions of alcohol

❖ summary : you used to see Changbin as a friend until you realized that you both don’t look at each other the way best friends are supposed to.

one.

Apparently, people like you and Changbin don’t look forward to spring breaks, ever, because you simply cannot see the point in getting pumped for the very few days of sleeping in only to dread every last moment of it. Hence, he keeps FaceTiming you every day and night with such ridiculous reasons it actually boosts your ego into thinking that he misses you.

Oh, boy were you wrong.

But this time around, he seems so flustered and burnt up all of a sudden it makes a smirk creep its way up to your lips. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state, you’re more than satisfied like a sadistic predator. You can really use some tea right now, it’s been a little boring without any dramas other than Hyunjin being dramatic over how his hair does not look good in any way, shape or form. That alone is enough for you to throw him off a cliff because since when does Hwang Hyunjin not look good?

Changbin asks. “Have you eaten?”

“Yes, I have. You’ve been asking the same question for five minutes straight.” You roll your eyes at him in the bitchiest way possible.

He questions subconsciously, only to have you narrow your eyes at him. “You have work tomorrow, right?”

“Bin, you have my schedule. Of course, I have work tomorrow.” You utter in disbelief.

“Can’t I just make up excuses to call my favorite girl?”

You make a gagging noise. “Cut the bullshit. Spill or I’m gonna whip out the big gun.”

“And what is that?” He drawls the question in boredom.

You grin at him coyly. “I’m gonna tell Chan to poison you with cilantro.” If Changbin had to choose between eating cilantro and jumping into a tank full of sharks, he’d definitely, without a second thought, sleep with those horrifying fishes with ridiculously deadly teeth. He hates cilantro with an ignited passion, and he’s entitled to that decision for the rest of his life. He’s sworn that he would never eat cilantro as long as he lives.

“Fine,” Changbin huffs in defeat as he holds his phone up while lying on his bed. “I need your help.”

You twirl the end of your hair dreamily and acknowledge his request. “I like the sound of that, go on.”

He shoots you a dirty look, proceeding to continue. “How do I get a girl to notice my feelings for her?”

His words strike through your eardrums like a lightning bolt. You don’t know whether you should be crying or laughing because 1) Changbin was never the kind of guy to be interested in having a girlfriend, he has always kept his hands to himself since forever although girls were more than ready to throw themselves at him anytime, anywhere; 2) How come he has never talked to you about this? You feel utterly betrayed because the key to having a long-distance relationship is to not hide anything from each other. And he’s doing the exact opposite of that; 3) You don’t feel as happy for him as you’re supposed to and now you feel like a horrible friend.

“Oh-my-god.” You gasp scandalously. “I’ve been waiting for this day to come my entire life! And it’s happening right in front of my eyes! It’s actually happening! Wait… did you already pop your cherries or…” When Changbin looks like he’s about to put your head on a stick, you quickly realize that you should have just focused on the topic.

He fakes a smile. “And what day is that?”

“The day that my best friend asks for relationship advice from me! To finally embrace the most amazing thing to happen in life, called ‘love’! Duh.” You prop your head onto your hand, blowing a few strands of hair out of your face. “So, who is she?”

“I don’t know if you can really help me Y/N but she’s like 5,000 miles away from me right now—“

“What did you just say?” You cut him off unintentionally. “Is she an exchange student?”

“Yeah? You can say so..” He trails off and scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly. “We met on Tinder and got to see each other later at a uni conference, and she’s really—“

You cut him off again, this time, it’s intentional. “Run, just run away.”

“Why?” He looks at you weirdly. “You’re not making any sense right now.”

You chuckle creepily, making him shudder. He’s never seen you laughing in such a dark tone it makes him wonder if you’ve been possessed or not. “Running away is actually a smart move, my friend. Just get yourself out of the war before there’s blood on those precious fingers of yours. Exchange students get all the attention. Guys or girls, doesn’t matter. Students are gonna be attracted to them like a bunch of moths to a tiny spark of flame.”

“But, but—“

You stop him before he can even say something stupid. “No but. And a long-distance relationship too? Not ideal. You can’t just slide into her DMs and ask her to be with you when you’ve only met twice. Unless her feelings aren’t necessarily not mutual. But yeah, I doubt that.”

“Whatever, I might as well just gonna fly home and watch some shitty movies with you instead.” Changbin purses his lips in boredom and runs a hand through his hair. “Do you wanna watch that zombie movie still? Zombieland right?”

You nod eagerly because gosh, after months and months, he still remembers. It’s one of those little moments which perfectly showcases how much Changbin cares about you. Because unlike some people, he actually pays attention to what you’re saying. And you would be lying if you said that those little actions of his never made your heart tingle. They do, and it sucks.

“Damn right, I’m pumped for the sequel, never really got the chance to watch it since college has been nothing but a bitch to me.”

“You’re so fucking spoiled, Beastie.” He snickers, biting back a smile. But deep down, you can clearly see right through his facade and feel the slight disappointment in his brown eyes. Exchange student or not, if it’s what makes him happy, then you fully support his decision. And if that girl ever tries to pull a dirty move on him? You’ll hunt her down and sell her off to some random mafia organization.

You laugh wholeheartedly, trying to lighten up the mood. “Listen, if you kept scrolling through Tinder, having a girlfriend wouldn’t be a problem. Because I’m pretty sure there’s not gonna be a single person who’d not swipe right.”

Changbin cocks a brow. “Why not?”

“Because you’re hot as shit!”

He groans loudly at your bold statement, cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. “Shut up, mom.”

You smile cheekily at him. “Love you too, honey boo.”

two.

As much as you clown Changbin for using Tinder since the day he asked you for dating advice, you can’t help but think that you’re a little bit lonely without his company. Funny enough, you also found yourself scrolling through the infamous app for hours and hours until there’s a match.

The only thing that’s funnier than Changbin asking dating advice from a total fetus than you is you talking big games to him when you haven’t even got laid, not even once. So obviously, you’re so close to pissing your pants as you dread the drive to your date, tremendously.

“Since when did you even start using dating apps?” Yeji scrunches her nose in disapproval as she starts the engine. You both just finished watching ‘Dolittle’ since Robert Downey Jr. is an icon and you’re not planning on missing out on any of his movies. But that’s not the point because the point is, your roommate knows your impulsive ass too well. Meaning, she’s not letting your day end without giving you something to feel better about it. More straight forward-ly, she’s trying to lighten up your mood before your date can piss you off.

You singsong, trying to wiggle yourself out of the situation. “Since Seo Changbin asked me about a girl.” You know Yeji just as well as how she knows you, so you’re taking advantage of her carelessness to bring up a whole new topic before she can lure you into ‘the talk’.

Yeah, ‘the talk’, sounds scary enough if you’re thinking about that one awkward, intimate conversation with parents about how babies are made. You think it’s utterly useless since society is basically corrupted and kids these days are all over the place, watching porns left and right with their parents’ IDs. So having ‘the talk’ with Yeji is definitely not gonna be full of questionable statements in replacement for making love.

As far as you know, she only forces someone into ‘the talk’ with her when they suddenly have some kind of romantic interest in another human being. Upon hearing that, she’s gonna be out and about, playing the role of God and telling people all of the do-s and don’t-s along with a detailed description of how she’s gonna drag that person to the very bottom of hell if they end up breaking their heart. You’re sure as hell that you’re not ready to talk about it with her. In other words, you’re not ready for her to torment you about some boy that you haven’t even met.

“Seo Changbin, dating someone?” Yeji fakes a gasp. “Wow, tell me all about it.”

You roll your eyes at her. “So you knew?”

You don’t know why you’re even surprised anymore since Changbin tells Hyunjin everything who’d spill everything to Ryujin for their midnight gossip session who’d complain about it to Yeji later on. The cycle is fully completed before you even know it and that does not make you feel any less of a dumbass.

“Duh,” She purses her lips before making a turn at the second intersection. “Listen, just enjoy your date, I’m not gonna tease you about it until you tell me how much of an asshole that guy is.”

You sigh in relief, drowning into your seat like a jellyfish. “Thank God.”

“But,” Your roommate drawls the word for a painfully long time. “Can we just talk about how it’s such a shame? You and Changbin would make an extremely adorable couple, right? I kid you not.”

You choke on your own saliva, coughing furiously as your hand desperately tries to roll down the window for some fresh air, mainly for the heat that’s slowly creeping up on the apples of your cheeks. “Who would ship me and my best friend together? That sounds like every drama to ever exist. Ew.” Hissing at her like a snake, you repeatedly fan your face with the hope to rid off the annoying coral tint.

Yeji narrows her eyes at you and quickly diverts her attention back on the road because no one is getting pulled over on a gorgeous Saturday night, at least not her. She still has to finish the last episodes of the drama she’s been fangirling over. “So you’re telling me that you’re not jealous when Changbin told you about other girls? You’re totally, absolutely, entirely okay with him hanging out with some random chick in Italy?”

It makes your blood boil even more when she mentions the fact that yes, Changbin is having fun with someone who’s probably ten thousand times hotter than you in Europe, but you’re more pissed off at the fact that she’s always right. Of course, you’re fucking jealous, why wouldn’t you? You can’t even fathom the sheer fury that’s running through your veins. Your heart is pumping pure exasperation into your brain. Even your liver can’t filter such anger. You hate the idea of Changbin wrapping his arms around someone other than you so much you’d rather choke yourself to death than even glance at such sight.

But, for the sake of a completely normal conversation, your mouth says otherwise. “Why not? He’s not my property, I don’t get to decide who he falls in love with. Moreover, he deserves someone he truly adores. That’s not my business for all I know.”

“Liar,” Yeji smirks. “Enjoy your date all you want, Y/N. Try not to think about Changbin too much or your date’s gonna flip.”

Again, you can’t stress enough how annoying Hwang Yeji is because somehow, in which you still don’t know how, she can read your mind in a snap of a finger. So it’s no surprise for her to know that you’ve actually thought about dating your own best friend before. It sounds so cliché you might bury yourself alive if you accidentally slip one day and confess your stupid feelings for him. As if on cue, your sixth sense is currently tingling, trying to tell you that you will definitely make a fool of yourself as you try to elaborate on how you feel about Changbin.

“What did I do to deserve you?” You sneer sarcastically at her as she parks her white Rover right in front of the restaurant.

The moment you step out of her car, Yeji tosses you a look. “Don’t you dare trip on me Lee freaking Y/N, don’t even try it.”

“I’ll have Minho pick me up, now skittle outta here.” You grimace before shutting the door close. Turning on your heels, you inhale sharply and push the glass door open to enter what seems like literal hell on Earth for the next four hours or so.

three.

Being on an actual date reminds you of why you never even use dating apps in the first place.

The only part that prevents you from running away is that Yeji has his dating profile. She knows his number, his occupation, his face, and all that jazz because meeting strangers for the very first time and already eating out with them gives you every right to be paranoid. But you’re not gonna tell him that because you still respect him just fine. And in case he’s acting all sketch, you’re gonna make sure that he’s not going home in one piece.

Okay, you can’t just blame Jaemin because he’s not an asshole. He really isn’t. He’s a nice guy in general: respectful, confident, and outgoing with a good sense of humor. Respectful? Checked. Confident? Checked. Good sense of humor? Checked. Outgoing? That’s the dealbreaker right there. You don’t hate him for it, it’s just he’s too outgoing for an introverted potato like you.

Both Jaemin and Changbin have very strong personalities like every Leo should. You’re most definitely not an astrology nerd but you’re educated enough to know that Leos are dramatic, warm-hearted, passionate and impulsive.

In which, Changbin makes you laugh your ass off until you can’t even breathe whenever he’s whining about you waking him up at 9 a.m. But you gave Jaemin nothing but a scrunch of your nose when he yelped out loud as his mashed potato was too hot. And you kindly offered to finish it for him after knowing that he can’t have dairy products. Changbin’s managed to get you out of the house every weekend even when it’s a simple trip to the mall and whereas, Jaemin makes you feel more of a voiceless being when he continuously brings up one topic after another at the literal speed of light. You almost miss how you can just throw out the most random sentence without being afraid of someone judging you.

Clearly, Jaemin isn’t the one to blame here.

Admittedly, it’s just a ‘you’ problem.

And even more admittedly, it’s just because Na Jaemin is being himself, and will always be himself. He’s never gonna be, and will never be Seo Changbin.

Seriously, what’s up with Changbin taking over your mind today?

“Do you perhaps wanna watch a movie after dinner— you’re not listening to me, aren’t you?” Jaemin stops mid-sentence when he catches your dreamy expression, for the fifth time that night.

You quickly regain your composure and sigh in defeat. “Fine, you got me. Again.” Burying your face into your palms, you’re practically choking on your own frustration because you don’t wanna lash out on him just because he’s not your type. “Ugh, I’m sorry, okay? I’ve never been on a date with a stranger before. Who’d have thought talking on texts was so much easier?”

Jaemin props his head on his hand and makes eye contact with you. He breaks it after a good five seconds to catch you off guard, slowly processing his current thoughts like a lawyer in court. “Let me guess, you’re in a long-distance relationship with someone but since they’ve been away for quite some time, you got bored. So that leads to you, drum rolls, hopping on Tinder to find a one night stand.” He closes in proudly, a triumphant smirk painted on his slightly chapped lips.

For the first time after hours of dreading Minho to come and pick you up as soon as possible, you can finally let go and have a good laugh. It’s like the pressure of being on a date is gladly lifted off your shoulders and you feel like you’re just catching up with an old friend. Which is weird because Changbin— Would it kill to stop thinking about Changbin for once in your life you dumbhead?

“And how did you know that?” You smile at Jaemin, deciding to focus on him for the rest of the night so that he doesn’t think you’re disrespecting him. A date is still a date. Even when the feelings aren’t mutual, the amount of respect should be.

He slowly takes a sip of his water and chews on his steak after. “Not to be creepy but when you went to use the restroom, a notification showed up and I saw your lock screen. He looks like one of those hot SoundCloud rappers who manages to stay anonymous under their stage name even when they’re mad famous. You know, cool people making dope music without being too problematic like ‘real’ celebrities.” Jaemin says it with such admiration you’re nearly more than ready to rant about how talented of a music prodigy your best friend is. But for the sake of him being your best friend, you’re not gonna do that. Yet.

“We’re not dating, just childhood best friends.”

He wiggles his eyebrows at you with mischief laced in his brown eyes. “You have a thing for him then. Aha! I knew it! All best friends are obligated to be together, it’s an unwritten norm of the universe.” Wow, just when you thought that no one would know about your feelings for Changbin other than your annoying, chaotic friend group.

“In my defense, he was the one who set that photo as my lock screen.” You grunt under your breath but don’t even try to hide it. “I shouldn’t have swiped right.”

“Be grateful that you did.” Jaemin inhales the last bits of his dish with satisfaction, dabbing the sauce on his lips away with a napkin. “Because not only am I paying for the meal, I’d love to meet up again to hear you ramble about the boy on your phone. As friends. Also because you totally saved my lactose intolerant ass back there.” He declares loud and clear, smiling from ear to ear.

You roll your eyes at him in slight annoyance. “Fine, but I’m paying for the movie tickets.”

Jaemin extends his fist. “Frozen 2? I know a place that’s having it tonight.”

“You got it, broski.” You chuckle and bump your fist with his while your heart is yelling at you to get the fuck out of this restaurant because you’re about to suffocate yourself with the amount of painstakingly awkward silence that this place possesses.

Before you even know it, you’re walking out of the Hilton Hotel with an empty bucket of popcorn in your arms as Jaemin hogs two cups of Coke which are left with nothing but ice cubes right beside you. It’s like the whole being too cautious thing that’s been driving you insane has disintegrated into literal dust. Watching a movie with Jaemin feels like you’re babysitting your non-existent little brother while your parents are out of town and Minho is bar-hopping with the guys. Except for the fact that he gave you his hoodie because the cinema’s ACs are ridiculously cold as always. But it’s really nice, actually, because although the date didn’t turn out how you expected it to be, you did make a new friend.

That rarely happens so you’re definitely giving yourself a pat on the shoulder.

“The plot was kinda messy, don’t you think?” You ask him after tossing the bucket into a nearby trash can.

Jaemin nods in acknowledgment and swings an arm around your shoulder. “It was all over the place, I’m with you all the way. And Elsa in that purple dress too? Yikes.”

You laugh with him, continuing the conversation with much less ‘watch what you’re saying’ and more ‘actually enjoy the date for the sake of it’ until you both reach the parking lot. “Drive safe and text me when you’re home, okay?” You remind him like the bossy person that you are as you pull out your phone from your purse.

“You’re not my mom.” Jaemin snickers and his fingers hover above the tips of his keys inside his pocket. “Wait, your brother’s picking you up right?”

[9:35 p.m.]

y/n | hey, pick me up already.

meanhoe | sorry sis, I’m a bit occupied over here.

meanhoe | just call a ride home or smth.

[9:36 p.m.]

y/n | LEE MINHO ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

y/n | do you have the slightest idea about how many serial killers are lurking the streets, waiting for girls like me to fall right into their traps?

meanhoe | paranoid.

[9:37 p.m.]

meanhoe | let me tell you about how Han Jisung is taking a nap on my lap rn.

meanhoe | in graphic details.

[9:38 p.m.]

y/n | or I can just tell you about that time when mom and dad found you right next to a trash can on a sidewalk instead?

y/n | it’s a very lovely story, trust me.

[9:39 p.m.]

meanhoe | ugh, what do you want?

y/n | nothing, Jaemin will drive me home.

y/n | goodnight.

[ 9:40p.m. ]

meanhoe | hey! I can make it up to you still!

y/n | I SAID GOODNIGHT.

You toss your phone back into your purse in pure disappointment. And with a prolonged sigh, you turn to Jaemin. “He abandoned me. Can you give me a ride home?”

He cackles at the scowl on your face and gestures you towards the seat next to the shotgun window. “Hop in.”

four.

“Wow,” Minho utters. “Just wow.”

“It’s you again, why am I still surprised at this point?”

He grins coyly and slips the keys into his pocket before running a hand through his bed head. Chuckling creepily, he watches as Changbin struggles to roll both of his suitcases across the bumpy surface of your front porch. “You left my sister crying with a bucket of ice-cream for Italy. How does that feel? You know, to finally be free from her ?” Minho inquires with an amused smile. “But on a serious note, she missed you, very much so. Did you even tell her about this?

“Minho, it’s supposed to be a surprise. Do I have to translate ‘surprise’ into whatever the fuck of a language that all snakes speak in general or you’re fully capable of doing that yourself? Also, it would be so incredibly kind and generous of you to actually comprehend my messages.”

Minho chuckles and leans back against the wall comfortably. “Why not move back here then? Aren’t you done with your degree already? Or did Italy blind you with their good food and hot girls? You’re quite qualified to be my roommate.” He drags the last part. “Just wish you didn’t have to give me that attitude whenever I’m trying to start a civil conversation.”

Changbin scoffs at him, clearly uninterested. And Minho’s definition of a civil conversation just concerns him even more. “I have enough qualities to be your roommate? Let me guess, smart ?”

“Secretly a nerd.” Minho tuts.

Changbin shoots him a dirty look. “Composed?”

“I’d say indifferent and stubborn.”

“Brave enough to kill some stupid bugs for you?”

Minho rolls his eyes. “More like painstakingly reckless.”

“You literally fell off the couch when Jeongin accidentally popped a balloon with his pen.”

A smirk blooms on his lips. “But you gave him an entire lecture about why he shouldn’t bring pens to a party. Inspiring leadership.”

“Looks good in black?”

Minho looks unimpressed. “Everyone looks good in black you moron.”

“Then why the fuck are you trying to pull me into your system?!” Changbin throws his hands upwards, a frustrated groan escapes his lips. “You know I hate commitments. They give me anxiety. Especially when it involves you.” Which is not entirely correct because he did have a date last week or should have had a date last week. He was so close to pissing himself in the middle of a Michelin rated restaurant. But lucky him, his date flaked out on him before he could start having a full-on mental breakdown inside the restroom.

A glint of curiosity ignites in Minho’s orbs. “Because you absolutely have no life whatsoever.” He starts calmly, going back and forth within the limited space of the hallway. “And don’t even get me started about your love life. It’s drier than Chan’s attempt at making macarons. Oh and remind me, did your goldfish die or did you kill him? Did he die or was he killed? Or was it both?” He taunts further, and further, and further until he’s hanging on that weird borderline between having Changbin lunge at him like a predator and succeeding at luring him back to Seoul. “I’m being as kind as my mind can possibly allow without a drop of caffeine so you better take it while you’re at it.”

Changbin is fuming with nothing but pure anger. He’s so fucking close to crush every single strand of liveliness left inside of the man in front of him until he turns white like a complete ghost. But he’s also convinced that Lee Minho is just a non-biological heir of the Angel of Death. Hence, getting rid of him is impossible. “Come over here and make me.” Crossed arms, he’s determined to not leave the city without at least throwing a punch at Minho’s ridiculously perfect face.

“What are you? Four?”

Changbin stops himself from throwing hands at him and turns on his heels. “Nothing, it’s just that I don’t really like you all that much.” He makes his way to the kitchen, tossing his black beanie onto the counter.

“Yeah, me neither.”

He protests triumphantly. “See?”

“Listen up you man child,” Minho grits and walks behind him through the living room, passing by a hungover Jisung with Woojin on top of him at an unusually persistent pace that seems to cover up the bubbling anger inside his stomach. “Would you stop what you’re doing and listen to me when I’m trying to prove my own point? I’ve known you for all my life—“

Changbin interrupts him. “Those times when you passed by me at the library and made fun of me for studying for finals in high school? Doesn’t count.”

Minho hides behind a rather cheerful voice, his stare colder than an ex-wife’s fighting for custody over her child in court. “That doesn’t matter! Y/N went out with some guy last night and even let him drive her home. I don’t even know if she’s okay or not since she wouldn’t pick up for the past hour. And I just can’t let those two idiots at home alone, completely unaware of their surroundings.” Changbin shoots him a weird look and he quickly brushes it off with a click of his tongue. “Don’t ask.”

Changbin chokes on the can of Coke that he just grabbed from the fridge. “Wait, so she’s not here?”

“She moved in with Yeji months ago in an apartment near college, didn’t she tell you ?”

“No?” He raises a brow. “And what date? Who? How? Where? When?”

Changbin’s starting to panic a little bit because if you were to be on a date, you’d most likely hide in the restroom just to text him for a good five minutes. Very much like him. Anyway, he’s also quite concerned about the fact that you didn’t reply to Minho’s texts all morning. Maybe he’s overthinking again but he knows that you’ve forced yourself to be a morning person even when it’s the holiday since you don’t wanna dread bringing back your old habits when a new semester hits.

Minho drums his fingers against the dining table. “Who? Some boy called Jaemin? How? Tinder. Where? The Hilton Hotel. When? Last night until almost 10 I believe.”

Now Changbin’s fully entered panic mode because since when did you even use Tinder? And not tell him about it too? What if you’re already kidnapped and sold to some creepy people from China to make profits off your organs? “That’s it. Give me her address, I’ll go.” He drops his backpack onto the floor and grabs his coat, downing the last few drops of his beverage in a rush. As soon as Minho texts him your address, Changbin dashes straight through the front door like a tornado to the point that it has Woojin facepalming himself on Minho’s dad’s old carpet.

“My job here is done.” Minho cracks his knuckle and takes a seat at his family’s dining table, picking up his phone only to receive a text from you.

[8:23 a.m.]

y/n | ugh, is your friend gonna come over to pick up the speaker or what? it’s been fifteen minutes.

y/n | and what’s his name again? Jackson?

meanhoe | yeah, he’ll be there in ten.

meanhoe | eat a chill pill sis, I’m in charge.

five.

You frown furiously at the series of messages that you and your brother have been sending each other for the past ten minutes. Something smells fishy, and you can already see that stupid, self-indulging smirk spread across his face without him being right next to you. But then again, no one really knows what’s going on inside that disturbing glimpse of thing called ‘a brain’ inside his head because magically, and spontaneously, everything works out whenever he’s in charge.

Except when he’s in the kitchen with Jisung and Hyunjin as his cannot-be-anymore-useless vice-cooks, aka when they’re holding onto each other for dear life the moment Minho cracks an egg onto a heated pan with oil boiling along the edges.

“Ugh, Yeji! It’s supposed to be your turn to do laundry, you ass.” You repeatedly hit your roommate’s sleeping figure with a pillow, slightly mad at the fact that she’s still in bed when you’re done with grocery shopping. Sometimes you wonder if her only talent is sleeping through earthquakes. Maybe that’s how she has mad stamina and can still do a decent thirty minutes of cardio after dance practice.

Yeji mumbles nonsense into her pillow and slaps your hand away only to bury herself under the wool blanket again. It takes every strand of energy left inside of you to pull the soft fabric over her head and onto the floor it goes. “Why are you making such a fuss out of me forgetting to do laundry ?” She sits up grudgingly like a zombie digging itself up from its own grave and yawns obnoxiously.

You blink numerous times at her in disbelief. “Uhm, hello? Because I don’t have anything to wear? And also, FYI, it’s almost ten, okay? Wake up Sleeping Beauty. Prince Charming isn’t available today.”

“Shut the fuck up!” She whines loudly before dropping onto her backside in defeat. “You’ve never binge-watched any dramas before, you’d never get it.” Hey, it’s not your fault she chose to stay up until 3 a.m. for a stupid drama. You’re not gonna tolerate her complaints about migraines after having lunch, not this time.

“Besides,” She glances at you before throwing an arm over her head dramatically. “You look good in that hoodie, where did you get it?”

You grab various pieces of clothing dangling off of her bed and her beige-colored computer chair as you ponder about your life choices. “Na Jaemin, who else? God, and I need to give it back to him too.”

Yeji teases. “Are you making an excuse to meet him again?”

“We didn’t click, that’s all I have to say.” A smirk finds its way to your lips. “I basically adopted him now, so yes, I am making an excuse to meet him again because a mother has every right to see their son.”

“You’re so weird.” Your roommate purses her lips before turning her back against you.

You scroll through your feed in pure boredom. “What do you want for lunch? Wait, it’s too early for lunch, what about brunch?”

“Anything will do.” Yeji shrugs, not even trying to get out of bed when it’s already 9 a.m. So naturally, you’re already facepalming yourself at her questionable sleeping habits.

Now, where is that guy Jackson?

As if on cue, your doorbell rings. You’re dead meat to me. You roll up your sleeves and put on your ‘formally serious’ face before grabbing the tote bag right beside your couch. Without even checking who’s there through the peephole, you swing the door open in a rush. “Look, Jackson, I’m really not in the mood to invite you inside for tea nor biscuits so just take the speaker and—“

“Y/N, I don’t need a speaker, stop bombarding me with information that my brain can’t even comprehend. And who the hell is Jackson?” Changbin puts his hands up as if you’re holding him at gunpoint. And you almost laugh out loud at how he looks like he just found out Trump is president, he— wait, Changbin’s here?

You subconsciously drop the speaker without noticing that you might break something before Jackson actually gets here. “You came back?!” Your mouth automatically goes agape, utterly speechless.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” He chuckles when you crash yourself into his embrace as an attempt to hide your teary eyes. Meeting Changbin in person again feels like a rollercoaster full of mixed emotions, you have so many things to say but nothing comes out right. Maybe it’s best if you just keep your mouth shut for the time being.

And thank God he still smells the same and doesn’t shower himself in ridiculously expensive cologne like other guys because you’d disown him if he starts smelling like a Tommy Hilfiger store. Changbin gently wraps his arms around your waist, rocking you from side to side. “You missed me that much huh?” Suddenly tongue-tied, he’s officially lost the ability to form a proper sentence when you hold onto him so tightly, so desperately.

When you pull away, you don’t even know what to say when so many things are running through your mind at the speed of light. After all those years, he’s changed. Yes, people change. But Changbin changed, for the better. He looks impeccable even in a simple black t-shirt with a grey bomber jacket thrown over his figure. Wait, has he been hitting the gym? You swear, last time you saw him he was five times smaller. His jawline can now cut you too apparently. Years of friendship and you just found out your best friend is an actual health freak.

“As if..” You sniffle into the crook of his neck, tears continuously streaming down on your cheeks. Eventually, you give in. “Fine, I did miss you.”

Changbin laughs wholeheartedly, sending vibration throughout your entire body. “Missed you too, Beastie.” And it’s there again, that fuzzy feeling tickling the pit of your stomach. It feels wrong, and your heart knows that too well. To the point that you’re afraid of your own feelings for him, that you’d hurt him, or he’d hurt you. You just can’t decide if confessing to him is worth the risk of destroying your friendship forever. But it’s most definitely not. Maybe it’s better this way.

“Wait,” Changbin scrunches his nose and pulls away. “You smell like a guy.” Then something rings a bell inside of him. “Right, you went on a date with some cute boy without telling me? Explain yourself.”

You scratch the nape of your neck sheepishly, slightly embarrassed. “Well… long story short, I got bored and downloaded Tinder. He was cute, but not compatible.”

“There you are, what took you so long?” Yeji pops her head out of her bedroom, almost giving you a heart attack.

You toss her a look. “What do you mean ‘what took you so long? Did you know? Again ?” And she nods apologetically. “Why the fuck do I feel so left out right now? Are you guys setting me up for something sketchy? Who’s in charge?”

“Your brother, obviously.”

You step aside so that Changbin can walk into your living room before shutting the front door closed. “Zip it, he’s adopted.”

six.

Kim Woojin, as always, throws his annual ‘welcome back’ BBQ party whenever someone returns from a long trip for a fairly long time. Of course, he would never leave Changbin hanging.

Which, also means you’re obligated to accept the fact that he just single-handedly dragged you out of your apartment with the most minimal of physical effort. So now you’re stuck inside his stupid kitchen, with your siblings (no not Minho, not that heathen), potatoes. You look so incredibly alike your brother might actually be whatever with the harsh truth that you can’t stop taunting him about how he’s adopted.

Anyway, because you’ve always been terrified about the thought of accidentally having your sleeves caught on fire, Chan just shooed you back inside to work on the potato salad. And the worst part of making a potato salad? Peeling the skin. Seriously, you’d marry someone who invented an automatic potato peeler, that’d be godsend privilege.

The saying goes : ‘When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade’. Likewise, but in your case, it’s : ‘When life makes you cook, get yourself a best friend who’s good at it instead’. Problem solved. Changbin might not be as great as *snorts* Minho, but he did manage to survive multiple months in Italy without spending too much money eating out when he’s very, absolutely, entirely financially capable of doing that for the rest of his life. He appreciates home-cooked food because of the process, the time, the effort, the love that every family member (or one family member) put into the dishes. And it may not be something that’s Gordon Ramsay-approved, but gathering around at the same table gives people the chance to catch up, to communicate, to care more.

And what does that mean? Well, that means when Changbin, fortunately, makes it out of the war zone in Woojin’s backyard where Hyunjin is chasing Jisung with a dead spider between his metal tong, he finds out that he just, in fact, got himself into another disaster. Bits of potatoes’ skin is everywhere, scattered randomly from the kitchen aisle to the wooden cutting board. Bottles of mayonnaise and mustard are lying lifelessly across the dining table, saucing dripping from the opened caps. And jars of different spices look like they just got dumped into one big bucket, mixed together, and then carefully divided them evenly into each one again. Changbin is utterly alarmed right now and he can’t decide whether he should be helping you or just run away. But since it’s you, he can’t simply turn on his heels and leave because chances are, you’re gonna fucking stab him in his sleep.

“Woah, who did you kill ?” He gasps, taking slow strides toward your figure standing at the kitchen aisle.

You blow a few strands of loose hair out of your face, crying dramatically. “My sanity, it’s long gone.” You tell him as you try to stir the mixture of mayonnaise, paprika, apple cider vinegar, celery seeds, mustard, and sweet pickle relish in a stainless steel bowl with a wooden spoon, trying hard not to ruin Jaemin’s favorite hoodie. “And if you’re not planning on giving me a hand, then the exit is right that way. No one’s stopping you.”

Changbin shakes his head at you in disapproval for a hot minute before pulling your hair free from the loose bun, accidentally dousing himself in the more than familiar scent of your shampoo. Fresh, and a bit pepperminty, he missed this so much it’s starting to get creepy. Basically his heart just swells, but he’s gonna choose to be in denial like usual. “Better get your hair out of your face first.” He says and effortlessly puts your messy, black mop of hair into a high ponytail. It’s not like he hasn’t done this before because Changbin tends to play with your hair a lot while you’re both on a Netflix marathon. But this time, you didn’t know what it was, but the moment the tips of his fingers brushed past your bare skin, they sent electricity down your spine and goosebumps rose on your skin. The fact that your little heart feels like it’s running on a treadmill for hours doesn’t make it easier to deny how much he can affect you without even trying.

“Why are you still wearing that hoodie ?” Changbin points out, confused.

You answer monotonously, still mad at your roommate. “Because Yeji forgot to do laundry. So I have nothing to wear.” You hate her even more now because she’s probably gonna be out and about, going to questionable parties with Ryujin until dawn and asking for a cup of water when she gets back home on your bean bag chair. “I’m gonna have to return it to Jaemin soon.”

Changin snickers. “Yeah, you better.” He finishes chopping up the hard-boiled eggs, celery, sweet onions, and fresh dill, dropping the ingredients into the dressing that you just made.

“So,” You walk over to the dining table to grab the bowl of chopped potato. “How did your date go? Was she cute or did she look like a potential serial killer? Wait, serial killers can look cute.” You shiver at the thought of losing your best friend in some foreign country because someone can literally be kidnapped in a span of fifteen to twenty seconds. So you don’t see the point of being ashamed about always being paranoid.

Changbin helps you pour the dressing over the potato before stirring the goodness together with a wooden spoon. “Ah, that,” He scratches the nape of his neck sheepishly. “She’s okay I guess. But you never know, talking over text is always easier.”

You decide to let Changbin finish up the dish and grab some paper towels to wipe down the table and counter. “So you guys never met up ?”

He looks hesitant to tell you. “Technically, we were gonna see each other every day because of the internship but I guess no? Our schedules aren’t exactly compatible. Maybe I’ll just ask her out again when I fly back.”

You stop cleaning up the mess on the kitchen aisle and turn your attention onto your best friend. He’s nibbling on his bottom lips, guilt is evident in his eyes.

“What internship?” You ask.

seven.

Seo Changbin used to have ( and still has ) a soft spot for you. And everyone knows that all too well.

He wasn’t kidding when he said that you’re his favorite girl. He wasn’t kidding when he said that he’d take a bullet for you. But you kinda wish that he was because falling in love with your childhood best friend just sounds so wrong on so many levels altogether. Jaemin night be right, it is written in the stars for some people to fall in love with their best friend but that life is not for you. There’s just something about the idea of Changbin and you as lovers that twists an immediate knot in your stomach. Sometimes you wish he doesn’t have to be so affectionate towards you so that you can give up on the one thing that’s holding you back : false hope.

He would always drag you out of bed in the middle of the night to watch the stars and talk with him even when you guys were practically inseparable. Your group of friends constantly tells you that Changbin could never keep his hands to himself when it comes to you but realistically, he’s just a secretly clingy person who loves cuddling. But those little moments where you guys were sharing the same bed, snuggling into each other’s presence like it’s the last sense of comfort in the entire world were the ones you cherish the most. They can make you smile stupidly to yourself all day.

And Changbin never failed to surprise you too. He once made the whole fancy breakfast in bed with flowers that only happens in movies and you couldn’t stop talking about it. Even ‘till this day, you still can’t shut up about it. He only brushed it off and told you that he wanted to spoil you since it’s your birthday but you took it as something much more than just a birthday present. Because those little actions of his are what set your heart on fire and you feel like it could combust anytime if he keeps looking at you so tenderly all the time.

Changbin isn’t a man of many words because he truly believes that actions speak louder than words. At least for him, his actions are much more powerful than his words. But that doesn’t mean his words never had any kind of effect on you. Because they did, greatly. You still remember how you’d always wake him up in the middle of the night because your stupid brain cells decided to give you a mental breakdown after bottling feelings up for so long. But Changbin didn’t just scold you for keeping everything to yourself, he did something else much more magical and much more comforting than any advice you could ever have.

He’s written plenty of songs for you before, and you can still vividly hear the familiar melodies every now and then whenever you’re in a really dark place.

It felt like a tight hug when you were all alone and in distress. But what sucks is that it makes you miss him even more. Where in the world is he? What is he doing? Does he have a decent life? Moreover, is he happy? You were always worried sick about Changbin because he’s that type of guy who works his ass off for things that he’s passionate about but he’d be willing to do something else for others because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Hence, upon hearing about him turning down an internship just to fly back, you didn’t know what to say or think.

You yell at Changbin. “Are you out of your mind?!”

He huffs in disbelief. “I’m a fully grown man who has every right to make my own decisions so I chose to visit my friends instead of torturing myself inside a studio. Yeah, sue me!”

“Do you have any idea how many opportunities and chances that internship would bring? There’s no need for you to do that just because of us!”

Changbin points out snarkily. “Well, you were the one who decided to call me at 3 a.m. every single day, complaining about your insomnia and shit.”

You gasp scandalously. “Why are you even saying that? It’s like you don’t even know me! I’m trying to put your benefits before mine, why is it so hard to understand that? Are you trying to say that I’m the bad guy in this conversation?”

“Maybe you are,” He says through gritted teeth. “Likewise, I’m trying to put my friends first instead of locking myself up within four soundproof walls twenty-four hours a day, five days a week, until spring break is over. You are being fucking ridiculous!”

You’re slightly taken aback when Changbin had the audacity to say such things. Why is he still so fucking stubborn? “I’m the one who’s being ridiculous? Me trying to not get my best friend's talent wasted, me trying to not have my best friend make the rest of his break go wack because all we do here is apparently get drunk, eat, sleep, and repeat. That, is being ridiculous ?” You let out a humorless laugh. “Well, if I need to keep on doing that in order to keep you on track with your dream, then I fucking will.”

He hisses at you. “What are you? My mom? I’m a fully grown adult for fuck’s sake!”

“Yes, I am technically your mom since the day you threw up on my dress in kindergarten. I even wiped your puke off of your face, you ungrateful brat.”

“Uhm guys, you might wanna tone it down..” Felix tries to cool off the situation since he doesn’t really enjoy eating dinner while two people are continuously throwing daggers at each other with their eyes.

Another thing, no matter how whipped you are for Seo Changbin, there’s still this little demonic part in your heart that screams to strangle the light out of his eyes every single day. Even back then, you guys bickered like there’s no tomorrow without a care in the world. Fortunately, your problems were always quick to be resolved because you just could never bring yourself to hate him even when you wanted to. He’s just that contagious, never fails to put a smile on your face nonetheless.

So naturally, it’s ten minutes into the BBQ party in Woojin’s backyard and you’re more than ready to fight him. Metaphorically, not literally because you’re too utterly soft for him anyway.

“Shh, shh,” Minho easily shushes Felix up with his index finger over his lips. “Lix, keep it down, the Petty Olympics is just getting started.”

Jeongin purses his lips. “You’re such a snake, did you know that?” He’s obnoxiously chewing on the slices of grilled steak that Chan just took off the iron rack. Like Felix, he wishes to enjoy dinner in peace but that has not happened for quite some time and he’s already sick of it.

Minho rolls his eyes at the younger boy with nothing but disgust in his eyes. “Wow, what a truly shocking revelation, Jeongin. It’s for the irony, sarcasm is needed in order for my joke to work.” He sips on the glass of whiskey in front of him like how he simply sips on his coworkers’ complaints about their relationships every morning. “Now run along, grab your monthly paycheck and buy yourself a sense of humor.”

Jisung snickers. “Wow, is he mean today—“

You cut Jisung off unintentionally, huffing with such determination. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”

Changbin says casually. “It’s not like I want to.”

“I will break you.” You give him your best death glare.

He tips his imaginary hat with a smirk tugged on his lips. “If that’s what makes you happy, then I certainly cannot wait for it, Little Mistress.”

eight.

It’s the second time you’re hanging out with Jaemin and still, you can’t bring yourself to develop any non-platonic feelings for him. Do you really want to date him? Not really. Again, he’s not a bad guy. In fact, girls can just pass by you both walking by the Han River and they’re already eyeing him up and down like an expensive piece of steak.

Maybe it’s something about trying to push Changbin out of your mind for once in your life. Or it can be something about the fact that he actually has some kind of romantic interest in his Tinder date. Or you’re just being ridiculous and totally overthinking the situation.

It’s sad, but you’ll have to accept it sooner or later. You see Jaemin as nothing but a friend, and a little brother because he’s funny, respectful, and everything you can ask for in a guy. But, at the end of the day, he’s just not Changbin.

And although you’re madly in love with your best friend, it seems like Jaemin gets you and manages to keep your mind off of him for the day so that you don’t end up crying alone in one of the bathroom stalls. You can’t be any more thankful.

“You seriously didn’t have to watch ‘Dolittle’ twice just because of me,” Jaemin tells you as you both stand at the front door of the movies, hugging his bucket of popcorn closer to his stomach.

You smile at him. “Robert Downey Jr. is worth watching any movie twice. That’s why I’m still not over the Endgame depression phase because I may or may not watch it one too many times.”

He rolls his eyes at you and proceeds to throw his garbage away. “Crybaby.” Then, he wraps his arm around your shoulder and walks you towards the entrance. “I had fun tonight. Thanks, Y/N, it means a lot. Should I walk you home?”

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t.” You answer cheekily.

Jaemin teases, “Because your boyfriend might show up and punch me in the face?”

“Shut up! He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Woah, I didn’t even say who it was. You’re so whipped for him.”

You elbow him in the stomach, earning a low grunt from him as a response. “I shouldn’t have given you your hoodie back. I should have burnt it or something.”

He wiggles his eyebrows at you, holding onto the paper bag that you brought tightly. “No, keep it if you want to. You look good in it.”

Before you can even clap-back at him with a witty retort, your phone vibrates inside your pocket. “Sorry, someone texted me.”

[ 9:23p.m. ]

meanhoe | Y/N WHERE ARE YOU?!

meanhoe | SOMEONE BROKE INTO OUR HOUSE!

meanhoe | I’m upstairs rn, but there were some sketchy sounds earlier. I think they’re in our kitchen.

meanhoe | Bin’s still in the living room!

meanhoe | COME HOME!!

Oh. My. God.

nine.

“Changbin, pick up, pick up,” You murmur and keep pacing back and forth at your parents’ front porch, frantically fumbling with your phone in your hands. “Goddamnit just pick up!” You groan out of frustration when you can’t even open the door because it’s locked, and Changbin’s not doing a great job at responding to your calls either. Which can only mean one thing, he’s being held hostage inside along with your brother and the intruder’s probably confiscated their phones.

You’d take a bullet for Changbin if that’s the last thing you could do for him. There are no words to fathom how important he is to you, so now instead of thinking of how to save his ass, you’re stupidly, foolishly thinking back to high school where he would always eat lunch with you whenever Minho’s too caught up with practice, where you both would lie under an ugly tree at the very back of your school’s enormous backyard, trying to do homework and dozing off five minutes after. Changbin’s been with you through thicks and thins, with all of your ups and downs. His lack of doubt for you was what helped you survive those horrendous years and you’ve decided that you’re not gonna let go of him, not in this life.

Therefore, you’re about to do something dumb. That something is going to prevent your best friend from getting murdered. But the chances of getting your head blown into bits are undeniably high too. That wouldn’t matter now, would it? If the intruder dares to tick you off, he best believes that you’re gonna fucking take him down with you.

Mustering all of the courage you have left, slowly, your fingers hover over the doorknob, the other on the wooden surface, ready to bang on it like a crazy person. You inhale sharply and close your eyes. 3..2..1..

The door suddenly swings open, causing you to stagger forward and your eyes widen in panic. “Y/N? What the hell?” Changbin catches you in time and frowns furiously at your soaked figure. Your hair and clothes are doused with rain, the tips of your fingers as cold as ice from staying outside for so long. You flutter your eyes open at his words, mouth grows agape when you find out that your current position can’t be any more awkward.

Great, now what?

Wait, where’s the intruder? “Are you okay?!” You mindlessly throw yourself at him, holding onto him so tightly like he’s gonna disintegrate into thin air once you let him go. Blood is roaring inside your ears, your heart is picking up its pace as you have so many questions, so many things to say but.. he seems pretty okay? “Is Minho okay too? Where is he? Why didn’t you pick up my calls? Why was the door locked?”

Changbin pulls away softly to prevent you from hearing his heart thumping vigorously inside of his rib cage, eyes as wide as a goldfish’s. “What? Minho’s downtown today to meet up with his old friend who’s studying abroad. Didn’t he tell you?”

“No?” You knit your brows together and take a full ten seconds to process what just happened. Why do you feel like you just got played?

He closes the door and walks you inside. “And why the hell do you look like a wet rat? Did you just walk home? Weren’t that Jaemin guy supposed to drive you instead?” You purposely ignore his questions and continue to piece the little amount of information that you have together. But once you throw a glance at your parents’ living room, you see a box of fresh, piping hot Hawaiian pizza with ‘Fast and Furious’ playing on the forty-eight inches TV. With that, everything makes sense.

You ran home as fast as you possibly could, under the rain when it’s dark outside all alone and this is how your brother repays you?

“Wow,” You utter, somewhat lightheaded. “I need to sit down.” You tell Changbin when he comes back with a white fluffy, towel. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, wordlessly bringing the towel to your head as an attempt to dry off your hair. You’re startled by his sudden affection, cheeks growing pink as you avoid eye contact.

Changbin caresses your cheekbone gently as if you’re far too fragile for him to touch and you just play dumb by batting your eyelashes repeatedly to shake the droplets of rain away. He quickly snaps out of it, taken aback by his own action. “Would you care to tell me what happened before I put you on trial?” He says with his arms crossed.

Your blood slowly boils as you choke on your own exasperation.“Minho told me that someone broke into our house and basically held you hostage. So I rain-checked on Jaemin, ran home only to find you in one piece with a pizza while watching ‘Fast & Furious’.” You hide your face behind your palms in sheer embarrassment as Changbin cackles his ass off in his annoyingly adorable laughter that makes you crack up every time.

He throws his head back and continues to laugh wholeheartedly, holding onto his stomach for dear life. “He got you good, wow. So much for supporting his sister’s second date. I’m sure he just wants to make sure that you’re home before twelve.”

“HE COULD HAVE JUST PICKED ME UP HIMSELF! HELLO?” You throw your hands in the air, huffing. You swear to God, Minho’s dead meat to you tomorrow morning. Your brother knows your feelings for Changbin all too well and he’s just doing everything he can to kick Jaemin out of your love life but the irony here is Jaemin was never there in the first place. But, Minho’s an evil mad genius so he still succeeded in pushing you back to Changbin when you’re trying to avoid him the most. Props to him, you’re now stuck inside a house with your best friend because your parents are currently going on vacation in Bora Bora.

That wouldn’t be a problem unless you’re madly in love with him. But you are, and it sucks.

You exclaim, smacking Changbin’s arm, causing him to whine loudly. “Would you stop laughing? I was scared that you’re gonna get murdered!”

In a split second, he pulls you flushed against him, rocking you back and forth as he ruffles your hair. When the vibration of his chuckle emits from his chest just makes your heart skip a beat. Changbin’s never been the cheesy, romantic type like Hyunjin but sometimes he does these things that just messes up your heart more as if it’s not already all over the place.

“Come on, Beastie, go change your clothes. I wouldn’t wanna cuddle with a sick person.”

ten.

One shower and five minutes later, you’re on the sofa right beside Changbin with your head rested comfortably on his shoulder. The first episode of ‘The Umbrella Academy’ is blaring clamorously on your dad’s TV as your eyelids grow heavy, hanging on the edge of shutting before your favorite character even pops up.

Changbin notices your sleepiness and pulls the wool blanket closer to your body, high enough to cover the rest of your shoulders as you snuggle into the crook of his neck. He pouts at the box of pizza and two empty bottles of Henny before playing with your hair, braiding a small section of it in boredom. He’s definitely not the type to rewatch any shows but since you’re just so pumped for the second season, you insisted that you two should binge-watch season one all over again. Obviously, he doesn’t see the point because he already knows everything, how does rewatching it has anything to do with getting him ready for the next season? Besides, you’re already falling asleep when it’s only ten minutes into the episode.

But is Changbin gonna let you sleep in peace just like that after all those years of you waking him up at an ungodly hour? Nope.

“Hey,” He nudges you with his elbow. “They said there wouldn’t be a second season.”

You jolt up from your sleepy state, eyes shooting open in utter surprise and disappointment. “Wait what?! Why not?!” You cry out dramatically, hands batting in midair like a madwoman as if they’re looking for something to hold onto. Soon enough, you plop yourself back onto the couch in defeat, letting the alcohol take over your entire body. You can already feel it kicking in as your limbs grow lighter and so does your mind. Gosh, you just wish you weren’t so lightweight.

Changbin chuckles at you, caressing your hair softly. He pulls you closer to him by your shoulder and takes in your scent like it’s the last sense of comfort on Earth. “You’re so cute when you’re drunk, did you know that?” He studies your features closely, quickly realizing how much he must matter to you for you to show this vulnerable side to him so casually. Giddiness is an understatement for the way that his heart just beats ten times faster, the way his arms hold you close so gently but so tightly at the same time. In this cracked darkness with the insufficient source of light from the TV screen, you’re so beautiful it takes the breath right out of his lungs. You seem too serene to be true, eyes closed, lips slightly agape it makes him wonder how it feels to seal his with yours.

As if on cue, your favorite character appears on time and you swat the sleepiness away, pointing at the screen with half-open eyes. “Five! He’s so cute, can I adopt him, please?” You giggle and show him those infamous puppy eyes. Changbin can never resist it’s actually frustrating.

“Yes, you can adopt a serial killer who knows how to travel through time, absolutely.” Changbin facepalms himself. “Honestly, what do you even see in him?”

“He’s smart and funny, and a total badass. I like how he never sugarcoats things and stays true to himself. But, he also puts others before himself without expecting them to do the same thing back. His actions speak louder than his words because there are countless times where he saved his siblings although he talks to them as if he sees them as nothing more than a bunch of assholes. I admire him in so many ways although he’s just a fictional character. And you know why?” You cock your head sideways, leaning closer. “Because he kinda reminds me of you.”

Changbin tenses up at the last part. “W-What?”

The ‘sober Y/N’ would never be brave enough to tell him what you’re planning on saying next. “I love you, Bin. I know that I might not act like I give a fuck, but I genuinely care about you. You mean the world to me.” You blurt mindlessly, hiccuping into his ears. “I really do love you. I just never got the courage to say it.” You hum and toppling over his figure on top of the couch, your legs straddling his.

“We can’t.” Changbin places his index finger on your lips to stop you from decreasing the distance. “You’re not thinking straight right now.”

You pull back, frowning. “Why? Because I’m not sober? What do my feelings for you have anything to do with alcohol?” You’re not mad, but rather curious. Either way, you can’t seem to get mad at Changbin for more than ten seconds.

“I- I don’t wanna hurt you.” He stutters and stops as he sees the heartbroken look in your eyes. It hurts even more because deep down, the sober part in you knows that you’d never fathom enough courage to actually tell him how you feel. And you also know that you’ve just potentially fucked up more than ten years worth of friendship. Changbin’s warm brown eyes stare at you with nothing but pure sincerity. “It’s like I’m taking advantage of you in this kind of state. It’s not right. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” He brushes your hair out of your face and sighs.

“Bin, you respect me like no one else does. You know it. I know it. We know it. You’re my best friend.”

“That’s the problem.” He pulls you closer while rubbing little circles on your back. “Promise me that we’ll never change, yeah?”

You wrap your hands around his neck, a tear threatening to fall from the corner of your eye. “Yeah..promise.”

“Y/N, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He reassures you as a confirmation, standing up from the couch that he’s been occupying for too long. You keep your gaze low, unable to meet his eyes as you’re ashamed of your own action. You shouldn’t have done that. What were you thinking for fuck’s sake?

Changbin turns off the TV before guiding you towards the stairs in the dark, holding onto your waist tightly enough so that you won’t slip. “Don’t blame yourself on this, okay?”

You voice quietly, almost a whisper. “Okay.”

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

eleven.

That night, you held onto Changbin like he’s the last thing you’re ever gonna see although you knew too well that it’s meaningless. What’s the point anyways? He just slapped your confession away and that alone was enough for you to understand that he sees you as nothing more than a friend. However, it’s still better than being stuck in that weird gray area that just keeps messing with your mind. You wouldn’t want to get in his way either. So when Changbin tried to peel your hands away from his torso gently in the middle of the night, your eyes remained closed as you rolled on the other side of the bed.

When you woke up in the morning, he was already gone.

It’s like he’s never been there all of those years as if he’s just an illusion that your delusional self made up to comfort yourself when things get hard. All of his belongings were nowhere to be found, his bed in the guest room was neatly made, something that he’s never done before. Changbin left no traces, no notes, no messages, no nothing like it’s a natural implement for ‘Don’t bother looking for me, I’m not gonna come back’. But to you, it feels more like ‘You fucked up our friendship, Y/N. I will never speak to you again’.

Losing a best friend of a lifetime is way worse than going through a breakup. But it hurts more when you’ve unintentionally developed feelings for him when you know too well that it’s not right. It’s not right. And you seriously screwed up. You just hurt the one and only person that’s so incredibly close and special to your heart. Therefore, you’re distraught, unable to do anything right for some of the following days. Utterly destroyed, you can’t seem to stop blaming yourself for what happened.

Changbin’s done so much for you and you can’t be any more grateful to have him in your life. There was this time where you totally lashed out on him because you were just having a ‘bad day’. He didn’t even get mad at you, he never gets mad at you. Instead, Changbin let you lock yourself up in your room for an hour until he came back with a box of chocolate and flowers. Everything fell right back into its place again and you really don’t know what you did to deserve him. He always goes out of his way, prioritizing others’ benefits rather than his own. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone at all because, in your heart, you know that he can be hurt easily too.

So it’s no shocker that you’re madly in love with him. You like how he smiles and looks at you like you’re the only person that’s existing in this celestial sphere. You like the sound of his laughter because it reminds you of Spongebob sometimes, it’s ridiculously adorable in the best way possible. You also like how he clings onto you and lets you be the big spoon whenever he’s having a long day, you can’t stop smiling knowing that he finds comfort in your presence.

The only flaw about him is that he’s all about that healthy life, which is good for him but you’re not adapting that any time soon. And he doesn’t talk about himself enough as he’s always used to listening to others’ problems instead. He’s flawsome, but you’re willing to embrace it all. Yes, as cheesy as it sounds, you love all of him.

Just because he’s Seo Changbin.

You stay up for many days, thinking an awful amount and flashbacking to when you’re on top of him, staring at him so tenderly as those idiotic words slipped out of your lips. All of because of one single beer. You just wish you could take it all back. If so, maybe you wouldn’t have lost the person you care about the most.

“No, she won’t eat no matter what I say.” You can hear Yeji’s voice echoes from the living room as you throw an arm over your eyes. “I don’t think you should see her right now, not when she’s on the verge of breaking down every two seconds.” You don’t even have to look to know that your brother’s outside, probably worried sick about you. Minho might not be the type of person to show affections on a regular basis, but he genuinely cares about the people around him. He just doesn’t know how to express that he cares.

The front door closes with a small ‘click’, making you jolt up from your bed. Your roommate pushes the door to your bedroom open and runs a hand through her hair. She practically grimaces at the current state of your room : curtains closed, clothes scattered all over the place with you still in your PJs. It’s funny because normally, you’re the one who complains whenever she’s being messy, now Yeji has the perfect reason to pay back. “Jesus Christ,” She frowns when her hands open the beige-colored curtains. “Get yourself together, will you?”

“Leave-me-alone.” You hiss at her like a snake when the light comes flooding in, blinding your eyes in the process. “What do you want? Am I not depressed enough to be at peace?”

She shakes her head and sits down next to your reclined form on the bed, a hand finds its way to your back. “No, you’re just in denial.” Yeji pulls your figure closer, embracing you with as much sincerity that she can muster. She might as well have you scream at her for forgetting to do laundry and waking up late rather than seeing you barely alive like this. If this goes on for too long, you might end up in the ER. And she can care less about whatever you’re planning on doing next because clearly, you’re not emotionally stable enough to make your own decisions right now.

You look down. “About what?”

“About the fact that Seo Changbin likes you too.” She says softly. “Only a dumbass can’t see that he’s completely head over heels for you.”

You chuckle dryly. “He’s not, he probably hates me.”

“He never hated you, he never hates you, and he will never hate you.” Yeji sighs as you snuggle closer to her chest. “Why would you think that Changbin hates you?”

Your eyes widen in terror as the night before when he left replays in your head over and over again. The more you think about it, the more you wanna kick yourself for not controlling our own feelings. Three words and your best friend’s gone. He was right, you guys could never, you weren’t thinking straight. Even down to that moment, Changbin put you before him and treated you with nothing but respect. “Because I ruined our friendship. Things are never gonna be the same again. I shouldn’t have fallen for him, I’m so stupid.” You let out an audible groan and bury your face into your palms.

Yeji peels your hands away and forces you to look at her. “I don’t see why falling for Seo Changbin is considered stupid. You see things in him that no one else does, and you even had the courage to confess how you truly feel, even when it’s because of a bottle of Henny. Not everyone can accept that because people are cowards when it comes to commitment and their own feelings.” She keeps looking you dead in the eye as if she’s testing you. “Look, even if Changbin doesn’t feel the same way. He can never hate you.”

“And why should I believe you?”

Your roommate laughs in disbelief, shaking your shoulder forcefully. “Are you blind? Do you even hear yourself right now? Haven’t you seen the way that he looks at you, eyes sparkling like puppies and all? If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is. Even if it’s not the love that you wanted him to return, he still loves you as a friend. He just ran away because, well, he’s human too. He might need some time to himself and make up his mind.”

You stare into the distance this time, eyes empty. “True love doesn’t count if it’s not returned, don’t you agree?”

Yeji rolls her eyes at you, she looks like she’s about to personally drag your ass across the planet, straight to Italy just to make up with Changbin. “Oh-my-god, you’re impossible! Of course, it counts! So what, you’re telling me that your feelings for him after all these years would mean nothing if he doesn’t say those three words back? I know that you’re sad and angry about what happened, but I think it’s much better than bottling everything up all to yourself. You were brave for doing that, Y/N.”

Your lips stay sealed as you decide to listen to her lecture obediently like a child. “Do you think Changbin would want to see you like this? No, no one wants to see you all depressed and miserable. Do you have any idea how worried Minho is? Have you checked the notifications on your phone? It’s not like you can’t move on with life without Changbin, you can and you will if that’s what you have to do.”

“So..?”

“Are you gonna step up and get your life back again or what?”

You groan internally, because gosh, you hate it whenever she’s right.

twelve.

From then on, Changbin’s like a phantom in your life, not because he’s constantly popping out of nowhere to scare the living daylight out of you, but because he’s constantly on your mind. Everything feels a little bit emptier without him. You don’t have to worry about having cilantro in your daily meals because he’s not there to complain about it. And there’s no longer a random cup of chai tea in the fridge on Sunday mornings because he can’t buy you one anymore.

But at the same time, everything reminds you of him. Like how his pairs of designer shoes aren’t laying around at your front door, how his favorite hoodies aren’t being forgotten at your place intentionally, and how the Stitch stuffed animal he gave you last year still reeks off his significant scent. Everything gives you a hard time to finally let him go, but ultimately, you know that you’ll pull through. And you did.

You move on with a college degree waiting for you at the end of this dark, bumpy road. Changbin, on the other hand, you can’t say much because his SoundCloud account is currently empty. He deleted every single song, every mixtape, every demo possible as if he’s trying to wipe his existence out of your life completely. Which makes it more difficult for you to muster up some courage and reach out to him again.

It’s almost a year, and you wish he could have just given you a sign about whether he’s fine with being friends or not. But as always, leaving notes is definitely not his department. The thing is, you feel like you both didn’t just grow apart. You also grew up.

“Y/N, did you ask me to go to the movies just because you didn’t feel like studying for finals?” Jaemin nudges you with his elbow and you smack his arms in return. Okay, technically you did grow up but old habits die hard, and you’re still procrastinating. Nothing new, but the occasional non-dates with Jaemin somehow helped with the aching part in your heart. You can’t say that he’s your new best friend because gosh, no one could ever replace Changbin. But ever since you found out that you guys go to the same college, you kept running into him on campus. Hence, hanging out with him is practically unavoidable.

You laugh, letting him swing an arm around your shoulders. “Nope, it’s because I love hanging out with you.”

“Does that naturally imply as you love me?” He grins coyly before approaching your car at the very end of the parking lot. You’ve talked about this before. ‘Love’ is an overstatement for the love that you have for Jaemin. Of course, you love him, just not in a romantic way and he accepts that. Although he does sometimes pull you in as a stunt just to get a discount for buying a couples’ combo. You let him, only because you’re both broke college students who are dreading your own student’s loans.

“Sure, I just love you so much I can’t even bring myself to say it without doing this.” You slowly feed his ego and your right hand quickly grabs the right side of his ears, dragging him into the driver’s seat of your car. Jaemin stops wincing once you let him go, pouting when you enter through the back door. “Serves you right.” You scoff, throwing him the key to start the engine.

He rubs his now swollen, red ear in pain, whining out loud like a kid that’s not allowed to buy popcorn when their parents bring them to the movie theatre. “This is domestic violence, I’m suing.” He complains but still hits the gas and starts backing out of the overpacked parking lot. People go wild during the weekends. That’s why you’re letting him drive because you suck.

You smile satisfactorily. “Ah, enslaved child labor at its finest.” If looks could kill, Minho would probably find your corpse in the car, limbs spread wide open because Jaemin is occasionally tossing you dirty looks through the rear-view mirror as he finds a way to hide a body while driving towards your neighborhood.

When you get home, you politely offer Jaemin to stay for dinner but he said he’s got a date to catch up with so you just let him be. Yeji isn’t gonna be home until nine because of her shift at the café so you basically have the whole apartment to yourself until your roommate returns from work.

Exhausted from spending all day on campus and going to the movies after, you quickly get rid of your long coat and plop yourself onto the couch. You waste absolutely no time and automatically hang yourself upside down on the cushioned surface while scrolling through your feed in boredom. You like to change up your position every ten minutes so that you feel less like a potato while your blood circulation isn’t gonna get blocked anywhere.

The moment you’re about to accept a video call from Jisung, you’re interrupted with a rather strange notification. You decide to text him, saying that you’re busy with a presentation and open the email from an unknown email. The email doesn’t have any specific title and you don’t think it belongs to any of your classmates. However, there’s a file attached to it which makes you even more confused. Who’d send a random video to someone they don’t even know? What if this is some kind of trick that people use for human trafficking? Like once you tap on it, there’s an automatic tracker on your phone and soon enough, you’ll go missing.

“for_you.mp4”

It makes your heart skip a beat as realization hits you like a truck. Deep down, you know, you know who it belongs to and you’re even more terrified to watch it. But you have to, you have to watch it. With a sharp inhale, your index finger trembles until it comes in contact with your screen, opening the file.

“Is this thing on?”

You immediately burst into tears as soon as Changbin appears. You’re stupidly, foolishly crying as he awkwardly adjusts the camera angle, checking himself in the monitor and runs a hand through his hair. Changbin’s wearing that one fitted black t-shirt that he probably bought in big bulks, warm brown eyes peeking through his messy bangs. He’s never looked better to the point that you’re tongue-tied, unable to scream even when you have so many questions, so many things to say. Yet only tears come streaming down your face. You missed him dearly, and here he is finally.

“Y/N?” Changbin quirks a brow and smiles. God, you missed his smile too. “If you’re watching this video, don’t..post it on social media. It’s gonna be a real tearjerker.”

You chuckle, wiping your tears away with the sleeves of your hoodie. He didn’t change, at all. “I don’t know if you can still forgive me for what I’ve done, but I still owe you an apology. I’m sorry for running away. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. I’m sorry for not treating you right. It’s just when you said that you loved me, it sparked so much skepticism inside my head that even I couldn’t understand what I was thinking. Next thing I know, I was out the door, straight to the airport. I was an asshole and I know that. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself right now because you did nothing wrong. In fact, there’s something that I’ve been wanting to tell you too. I can’t seem to be complete without you. You’re it. You’re my endgame.”

When Changbin takes in a deep breath, so do you. You nervously scratch onto the black nail polish that’s starting to chip off on your pinkie, waiting for him as he fiddles with his fingers. Suddenly, he looks straight into the camera and laughs. “Why are you still here? You didn’t see the notification, did you?”

What notification?

Your trains of thoughts are once again canceled when your phone buzzes. You’ve just got a notification from an app that you barely touched since Changbin left. “SpearB just posted a new track. Check it out!”

“Neverending Story ( Demo ).”

Faster than a tick of the clock, you start playing the track, fingers drumming impatiently on one of your throw pillows. “Be mine, yeah?” His raspy voice sounds ten thousand times more attractive because it’s been a while since you’ve heard it and chills run up your spine. Adrenaline is pumping through your veins, your heart hanging on the verge of exploding. The soft instrumental blends in with the piano in the background perfectly, drowning out every other sound in the entire world. But what throws you off is that Changbin starts singing. It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sing and it’s truly breathtaking that you can do nothing more than sitting there with a hand over your mouth, letting the melody guide your mind.

“Whenever you smile, whenever you struggle

I'll always protect you

For you,

I can even go against time

Just to appear in front of you

I believe, I believe

Even if the world changes

Can you promise that we won't?”

The first verse bleeds into the pre-chorus, then the chorus itself and Changbin starts rapping, spilling the feelings that he’s been struggling with saying out for you. Every word, every sound, every note hits differently and you feel like you’re already on cloud nine, drifting off into a daze. You can fully acknowledge and feel the ignited passion that he has for you even when he’s more than five thousand miles away, on the other side of the planet. But that’s all you need honestly because what more can you ask for?

As if on cue, the song ends and there’s a knock at your door.

Heat rushes up the bridge of your nose as you wobble towards the front door, head still slightly lightheaded from the mixture of emotions. You quickly fix your hair, straightening your hoodie and your toes curl from the nervousness. The moment you twist the doorknob, Changbin backs you up against the wall, shutting the door with his feet. He stares you down intensely, making you feel extremely small in comparison. But those eyes of his are filled with nothing but adoration for you and only you. “I’m in love with you, the same way that you meant it back then. I’ve been in love with you for even God doesn’t know how long. I booked a plane ticket and wrote the song as soon as that thought clicked in me. You’re all that I need. I want you to be my one and only. And I still want you back, so what do you say?”

Your lips curl upwards softly into a smile. “You’re really outdoing yourself, aren’t you? I confessed to you when I was drunk and not only did you film a video, but you also wrote a song for me?”

“Only for you, Beastie.” Changbin chuckles and pulls you closer, sealing the gap between your lips. He’s done it, he did what he’s been wanting to for his entire life : to know what being in love actually feels like. His kiss isn’t even somewhere near as those movie stars’ that you both used to make fun of every weekend. It’s one that steeped into a passion that flickers at the very pit of your stomach, one that makes you feel like home, like he’s your safe place. Changbin’s said everything that he wanted but he kisses you as a silent promise that he will do stupid things just to be with you, to have you right by his side for the rest of his life.

He’s the first to pull away, resting his forehead against yours as you both exchange shallow breaths. Smiling at you, Changbin can’t help himself but peppers small kisses all over your face from your forehead to the tip of your nose.

Life likes to toss you around and fuck you up sometimes but somehow, magically it always puts everything back in its place. The amount of tears that you’ve shed feels like payment for what you’re holding in your arms right now but there’s nothing that you won’t do to be here, in his embrace. Technically, Changbin didn’t have to say those three words back and he only did because he could, not because he needed to.

Even if he’s five thousand miles away, no one else is closer to your heart than he is. He loves you with all of the madness in his soul.

555 notes · View notes

eutaerpe · 5 years

Text

the kim social test

pairing — jungkook x reader

word count — 15.4k

genre/warnings— fluff, friends to lovers au. domestic!jungkook, jungkook in a towel, kissing, mentions of sex. and they were roommates! trope, namjoon is attractive (even though we all knew this), mentions of drinking because Taehyung creates the Kim Social Test while drunk and Jimin prompts to get wasted maybe more than once. who knows. rom com undertones?

summary — “I’m moving out.” These are the first words Jungkook hears on a fatal Thursday morning, hands holding onto the kitchen counter. A mixed feeling paints his expression. “I know we haven’t talked about this, but I think we both know that it’s the right thing to do. I can’t stay here anymore.”

alternatively, “it takes more than five exhibits for you to prove that Jungkook is a zero, according to the Kim Social Test”.

notes — i accidentally started writing this in first person. 3k words into the story i realized my mistake lmao i thought about changing it, but it would have affected the writing style of TKST which was supposed to be a short thing about jungkook and the reader shy panicking, moving in together, becoming friends and guk eventually getting a blowjob. life really be like that sometimes, huh? anyway i hope you all don’t mind because tkst is my baby ♥︎ it might be flawed and i, for myself, can already see space for improvement. reading my a smoking party draft, i can see how much i’ve improved. this style is something fresh and new for me lol i’m so excited to share something i’ve worked on since january. let me know what you think ♥︎

THE KIM SOCIAL TEST

(or “it takes three attempts to realize that Taehyung can be, indeed, right too”)

“I’m moving out”

These are the first words Jungkook hears on a fatal Thursday morning, hands holding onto the kitchen counter.

A mixed feeling paints his expression.

“I know we haven’t talked about this, but I think we both know that it’s the right thing to do,” I add, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, “I can’t stay here anymore.”

“So, you’re moving out. Definitely,” he ruffs his own hair, voice steady and low, his typical morning voice. Even though it seems like he’d like to add more — start asking questions, clear any doubt — I interrupt him, trying to sound as firm as possible.

“Absolutely,” then he nods, slowly, “I’m moving out.”

HYPOTESYS: JUNGKOOK IS A ONE

— 6 months earlier —

It starts like this.

“I’m moving out,” I declare, as Jimin opens a bottle of beer. “Tomorrow, as a matter of fact.”

Taehyung beams, excited, “Y/N! That’s amazing!” - he engulfs me in a friendly hug, laughing openly - “With this short notice? Fucking fantastic. Where are you going to stay, then?”

I see Jimin filling our glasses, a satisfied smile on his lips, too.

I can’t help but sigh at the sight. Things are going to run smoothly from now on. I can feel it. All according to my plan, nevertheless. God knows how much I wanted that job - (“Hello, Namjoon! Yes, it’s still me, any news on the… yes, I know, trust me, I know it’s only been a couple days, yes, they usually take a week or two to choose the interns, let alone the newcomers… That can do! What’s four, five more days? I can wait for weeks. It’s not like I have a place on the line. Or my whole life. Mhm. Yeah. Yes,” smiling sardonically, I start tapping my fingers on the desk, “Always a sweetheart. Thank you again, Namjoon!”) - wanted out of that small, reeking apartment I had, up until yesterday, to share with two guys I hope I’ll never meet again in my life (as Jimin once said, get wasted with me and you’ll forget them. As Taehyung once replied, have sex with me and you’ll even forget your own name. I agreed to the first reasonable proposal, but apparently even getting drunk with Jimin doesn’t help. Especially if, after the second Negroni, sometime before sipping from the glass Jager, you stop thinking clearly and end up at your place with a heavy Jimin partially covering your figure. Ergo, we went home. We woke up with a terrible headache just as my I’d-rather-forget roommate greeted us, more than partially naked, definitely wasted, absolutely stenching).

“I-uh, I think you know the guy? At least, mentioned him a couple of times over the years? Jeon Jungkook?”

Taehyung raises an eyebrow, tongue wetting the upper lip. “The Jeon Jungkook?”

“Roommate of Min Yoongi? The one and only?”

“Yeah, he’s leaving for an internship abroad he didn’t think would win, so he left Jungkook with such a short notice he had to actually go look for someone to pay half the rent with,” I explain, “What’s up with the tone, though? He seemed nice. Over the phone he almost sounded shy. And I’m the one saying he seemed shy. I couldn’t talk to any of you for the first weeks of high school even though we walked the same way home and had known each other for years. Me!”

“The chances of Jungkook being shy are the same as me being a virgin,” Jimin explains, rolling his eyes.

I furrow my forehead. Things don’t add up. “I don’t believe you,” My purple haired friend drops dramatically his head on his hands, “Not the virgin part, I know you won’t tell me whom you had your first time with, which, by the way, rude, but I’m pretty sure there has been one to begin with— “

“Trust me, there’s been even more than one with that same person.”

“Taehyung, gross,” I exclaim, “Not the point. I’m not interested in your sexual life— “

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” Tae shrugs. Jimin groans. I close my eyes, red staining my cheeks—See? Shy! I told them. I’m the shy one. And I can sense a shy one around me. Jungkook gives off this… timid vibe. I’m sure of it, I can’t be wrong, for God’s sake.

“I don’t believe you, at all. Twenty bucks says the guy’s a timid, socially awkward introvert too nervous to muster up the courage to even talk to me.”

They look at me in disbelief. I can’t believe them. I have good instincts. They know it, too. So what? They mentioned the guy a few times over the years. It’s inevitable—they’re friendly, outgoing, extroverts. They know people. They inevitably bump into people when they’re out partying and going to class and joining groups and going to the gym.

Apparently, there are people who can juggle between three different activities while at college. Activities that don’t include showing up to classes, calling your mother at least once a week, and searching for a job. Duh. Who knew?

People nowadays judge before getting to know others. It’s something millennials and elders have in common, every now and then.

Plus, rumours are worse than the Black Plague. You wake up and tell a friend you feel this is your lucky day, then it turns out people say you got up flexing on how you got lucky. And you had your walk of shame. While sore. And naked. Because in this fucked-up scenario, you’re born confident in your own body. And your walk of shame is very valid, even though it’s in your own house. (Read: this is a fucked-up scenario) Gasp! How rumours fly. How much stories are accurately changed and automatically deterred with a simple misunderstanding.

It’s 2019, for Christ’s sake. Give the kid the benefit of the doubt.

“Agreed,” Jimin says, a smug grin on his lips, right before Taehyung shakes my hand, smirking openly.

EXHIBIT A

Okay, so. In hindsight, it’s 2019. Never trust first impressions. Or your superb instincts.

Jungkook? Older than me. Just slightly, however. Bigger than me. Bulkier than what I imagined him to be. Sure, he had a sweet voice but what’s the point, huh, when you’re almost six feet tall and as intimidating as Jimin when he’s dancing? Or Tae when he plays the piano?

“I call bullshit, what the fuck,” I hiss, holding onto my phone, “You agreed to this even after I told you ‘I can’t believe you, you’re fucking making this up’?”

“Especially after that,” Tae sighs, and I want to punch him, “I can’t say no to free money. Well, fairly earned money.”

“Where’s fairness in all this? You let me move in. With a guy. That is—how can I say this?”

“Hot? Very fuckboy-ish?”

I refrain myself from answering. What have I gotten myself into? So much for things finally running smoothly.

“Very Not Shy,”

“Oh, what a curious phrasing. Have you talked to him yet? Or better—proved my Kim Social Test right?”

The Kim Social Test – also widely known among your friends as the infamous Kim Taehyung’s third attempt to be right – is something he made up while tipsy (because he can’t possibly hold his liquors, although one would never hear this coming out from Taehyung’s own mouth), frowning and frustrated. It’s more like an investigation of all sorts aimed to prove one’s social skills, ranking from one, id est a nice, cute introvert who, given the chance, will surprise you, to twenty-three, as in the years Tae and Jimin had known each other when Tae made this test up. Not that I’ll ever admit it to him, but I suppose there’s partial truth somewhere in between all those steps, fuelled by the dark-haired friend of mine’s interest in psychology, reverse psychology, communication, and his instincts.

Step one: talk to the person in question.

Step one failed.

Unless Jungkook’s the one trying to test the KST on me.

“What I’m trying to say,” I begin, unsure, “Is that he smiled. Offered to help with my things. Explained how things work here – anything from the absurd no dating slash no couples! policy, to how to deal with neighbours. Turns out that the landlord is staying on the floor below ours, while the landlord’s son in on the floor above. But I’m digressing,” Taehyung snorts, the great friend, “He was being nice—borderline over friendly, then said not to mind his absence, every now and then, because he needs to de-stress, if I know what he means, and I’m always free to try his car with, uh, him, if I know what he means.”

“So, your paranoid ass is trying to tell me he hit on you twice?”

“I’m finally out of that squalid place even you promptly detested and I knock into this splendid flat – you should see how neat and spacious it is – only for it to be inhabited by some horny guy who’s keen on getting laid. Tell me how I should feel, Taehyung.”

Taehyung stays silent for a hot second, slightly worrying me that he hung up on me.

“I’ll tell you what,” – the best friend suggests, while I start twisting my ring – “Jiminie and I are coming over this evening. He’ll see us, he’ll understand, he’ll back off. In this precise order. You in?”

“Roger that, captain.”

This prompts Taehyung’s laugh, loud and dazzling, the comforting noise filling my ears.

EXHIBIT B

Step one: talk to the person in question.

A month ago, this mere action would have terrified me. Which is a solemn hypocrite thing of me to think, now, because, as a matter of fact, it threw me off. Not one bit of me was safe and sound, after I non-talked to Jungkook when I moved in. I didn’t think I’d ever muster up the courage to converse to him—maybe just to politely decline his feeble and frantic advance.

(“Fuck, you’re so dramatic,” were Jimin’s first words when I opened the door that night. Maybe so, Park.)

However, I was substantially right. I soon realized that maybe my roommate – twenty-two, almost 6 feet tall, shows a playful tendency to wear only commonly dark clothes – really is shy. After Jimin and Taehyung came over, that very same day, he turned into a mess, avoiding altogether eye contact with me, backing away even when my friends – not anymore concerned – offered him dinner.

A spur of bravado, we agreed later on that day. Known that – understanding that maybe he was just as excited and terrified about the new intruder as I was—made us magically forget altogether about that small… incident. About the awkward spur of bravado, I mean.

“Tough Tuesday shift?”

Jungkook is spread on the couch, his long form lost among all the cushions. He’s holding what I assume are papers he needs to grade, several of them scattered on the coffee table before a mug of tea and three red pens. Being an assistant teacher suits him, in a way. He’s tidy, neat, precise – I’ll never stop repeating this sudden realization in my mind. He revealed, on a late night, the movie long forgotten, that doing the laundry calms his nerves. Can’t quite believe that this is the same person who implied he needed sex to relax.

“Let’s say Namjoon doesn’t forget easily,” I try to joke as he grins warmly, adjusting on the couch so that he faces me more comfortably. He studies me as I take off my coat, his inquiring gaze following every move I make – including me staring back at him.

“Seokjin-hyung came by, an hour ago or so,” he announces, passing a hand on the dark grey sweater hugging his torso, “Left something he prepared because he’s convinced I can’t cook. The very same person who taught me how to properly feed myself—can you believe it?”

Although his tone is teasing, tainted by almost pure disbelief, he keeps on grinning. I chuckle. “Yeah, how rich of him.”

“If you’re not planning anything, we could have real dinner together. Finish Haikyuu!’s third season on the couch. We could even just complain about your boss, really. If you’re up for it, I mean,” he rubs the nape of his neck, discarding on the coffee table the papers that moments ago he was holding.

That’s the thing about Jungkook. He’s his very own person, discreet, kind, nonetheless quiet. He does things a lazy eye wouldn’t even notice; someone uncaring would not bat their eyes at his deep, silent actions that speak more than words could ever. It’s more than just wearing his heart on his sleeve – it’s caring and being attentive not just because sometimes it’s convenient or it casually happens. There’s meaning beside his every action, led by his desire to truly be helpful. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s really not the person people make him out to be, and I mentally scoff at Tae and Jimin’s antics when I said ‘Jeon Jungkook?’ and they had answered with ‘The Jeon Jungkook?’, staining his… persona. His kind soul.

I hum, nodding eagerly.

“Yeah, it sounds amazing. I’d like that.”

His bunny smile makes a bashful appearance.

***

Step two: pay attention to the body language. Spot the differences between how the person in question talks and acts.

The first time I hear about Mina it’s on a Wednesday afternoon, and Jungkook’s not home.

Following Namjoon around for the entire day meant that the smart, charming new leader of the Publishing Department – a promotion he got a few days after I became his colleague – got, at the same time, amused by my… consistency and tired of having me as his new shadow.

He, of course, understands what it means to be new, fresh out of college and passionate about my new job and has tried, for the past few days, to challenge my abilities – perhaps soon, yes, but the glint in Namjoon’s dark eyes tells me that he sees in me the same young guy he was himself, not even a long time ago. Hence the try-doing-this-on-your-own with its thrilling sequel I’ll-be-here-when-you’re-done he’s thrown on me lately.

Which is a nice way of saying you’ve become bearable but as the new leader I’ve got more work on my hands, so I can’t guide you through this new world slash don’t make me regret trusting you. I swear, this man has a way with words Hemingway could never.

Anyway, this explains why I’m working on this novel – the debut work of a young writer Namjoon firmly believes in – in our living room, laptop on my thighs and manuscript in my hands. On a Wednesday afternoon. Alone. Because Jungkook’s Wednesdays are, in this order, full of assholes actual-professors that expect the most from him, gym, kick boxing with Yugyeom, and finally coming back home to hit the shower and fucking rest.

Apparently, however, Yoongi isn’t aware of his former roommate’s schedule, because he’s Skype-calling him, in this very moment. I’m not snooping into his stuff, not at all, it’s just that the last time they did this – having a video call like two adorable siblings – Jungkook used my laptop and forgot to log out. Which is a very good explanation for why Min Yoongi’s eyes are staring into mine.

“Y/N?”

“Hi,” I splutter, as surprised as he sounded. “Seems like Guk forgot to log out since you last talked.”

“Oh,” he murmurs, hands in his wet, mint hair. “Is he home? I’ve been trying to get a hold of him, but the kid’s been avoiding all my calls.”

That doesn’t sound like Jungkook. Sure, he’s not winner of the year for the fastest replier ever existed, but in decent time – which can vary between two hours and two days – he gets the message (pun intended) and decides to grace his acquaintances with an answer. Or a call back.

“No—Wednesdays are usually the worst week-days for him,” as I explain, though, I can’t help but notice the deep sigh Yoongi exhales. Or the tiredness of his expression. “…but as soon as I see him, I can deliver a message for you, if you want? He’s gonna be tired, no joke, but I’ll make him call you back, I promise.”

The sympathetic smile he sends my way makes me want to punch my roommate. Which would probably hurt like hell, if the ungodly hours he spends at the gym are anything to go by.

Still: Min Yoongi being exhausted because of him is a good reason why I should at least try to hit him. Min Yoongi is Jimin’s… idol, famous in the music department with a deceiving reputation of being anything but sociable. Wrong, terribly wrong. He’s not. He’s a small loving and caring friend in the body of a small human. The amount of times he called to make sure Jungkook was okay is— truly admirable. (He even helped Jimin with a project of his, once. Hence the epithet of the one and only. I have a terrific theory of him being somehow linked to my Jimin, but no one has still dared to answer me. Jerks. Tae and him both.)

“Sure. Tell him his to talk to his girlfriend. I’m tired of having her blabbing no stop about how much of a jerk he’s turned into lately and disputing whether declining her calls means he’s cheating on her or a strategy of his that will end with Jungkook surprising her on their anniversary.”

Wait, what?

“Jungkook has a girlfriend? He’s in a… romantic relationship that doesn’t involve playing Overwatch with Taehyung on Friday nights?”

“You don’t know about Mina?”

“What the fuck is a Mina?”

He stills for a second. “I… I don’t understand. Are you shitting me?”

“I’m not. I know there’s a strict rule about not bringing your dates over and not fucking in this apartment, but I’ve never heard of her. He never mentioned her. I’ve never seen this girl, never even knew she existed before you told me.”

Yoongi begins scratching his forearms. He tilts his head, staring into the void of his room.

“What the fuck,” is the final summary of his train of thoughts. Yeah, what the hell. “I’m not sure I want to be part of this helping circle anymore. We always joked that Jungkook would turn out to be the reason why Jin-hyung will have grey hair, but I never imagined he’d be mine too. I swear, this kid.”

“I can still talk to him, though. This isn’t lying, not even sure if it counts as lying by omission but…” I shrug, “I don’t know. I’m wondering why he kept his mouth shut.”

Yoongi mutters something I can’t make out, then asks if I can still deliver the message and abruptly ends the conversation.

You live for a month with a guy and think you know him. It stings in a funny way knowing you don’t.

Jungkook finds me on the couch when he comes back home. He has tiredness written all over his face – his crinkled forehead, his sweaty appearance; I can sense it among the silent grunt and deep sighs he exhales thinking I’m not in the living room.

“Hey,” I pout, eyes on the manuscript.

My roommate turns around in a swift move, eyes wide open. “You still up?”

He’s tired. I know he’s tired. His velvet voice doesn’t betray his shape. I don’t buy it.

I hum, turning on the couch so that he can’t see my face, my eyes still on the novel. I can see him pausing and wondering what’s going on in the periphery of my sight.

“Yoongi wants to let you know you should stop ignoring him and your girlfriend so she can stop pestering him. Virtually hugs you and sends a thousand kisses, too.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while, but then I hear his footsteps and I see him in front of me, licking his lips, lost in his thoughts. His fingers move continuously on the bag he’s holding. As I focus my gaze on his face, I realise that what hurts more is that he didn’t trust me enough with this information rather than not fully knowing him, my roommate. It doesn’t concern this specific piece of information, per se, more the fact that he didn’t feel comfortable enough in sharing something that is supposed to make him cheerful and proud. Maybe I projected much, I don’t know? Just because you share a flat with someone it doesn’t mean he’s your friend.

“I didn’t mean to keep this a secret—I swear…” he trails off, and I bite back a laugh, delusion hitting me.

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Jungkook. I’m not your mom and sure as fuck I’m not your confidant. I’m just your roommate. I’m sure it would have come up, if you had to sexile me because of her. Don’t worry,” I spit out, at once regretting my harshness, “I get it.”

“You don’t, though. You don’t know me,” he begins, following me when I get up.

“I know I don’t!”

“I don’t mean it that way, fuck! Y/N!” - he grabs my wrists, eyes darting into mine – “We’re… we’re just in a bad place right now. We needed a pause, I begged for it, but she didn’t want to, so I’m—uhm, choosing not to deal with her at the moment. We’re going through a lot,” he says, pondering his words, thumbs moving on my hands. I freeze at the contact.

“Yoongi doesn’t know. Because she’s mad at me for something that happened a long time ago when we weren’t together. And, fuck, I don’t want Yoongi to think about that time. I don’t want to think about that time. I didn’t think she’d pester him, shit”

The high-pitched laughter he lets out almost frightens me. Jungkook’s fidgeting look pushes me to intertwine our hands. I don’t have time for disbelief towards my own gesture—his former, floating discomfort strays gradually from his body as I do so.

I keep the eye contact with his doe eyes—it happens then. His breathing comes back to normal, his fingers grasp firmly mine. I’m here, I want to say.

I only manage a quiet: “It’s okay. It’s okay, Jungkook” that has him nodding, sure.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” he announces.

“Sure,” I breath out, “Listen. I know I’m not probably the person you’d want to have this conversation with… but if you don’t feel like bothering Yoongi – which you’re not. Unless you call him in the middle of the night – you can always talk to me. Count on me.”

Jungkook pinches the bridge of his noise.

“Wouldn’t it bother you?”

“Of course not, you giant baby.”

He chuckles. “Alright. Wait for me?”

“I’m ready when you are.”

***

“Is there a way to turn sad stories into happy ones?”

My hands fall around the mug. “Have you always been this dramatic or did Yugyeom punch you so hard you’re not well functioning?”

He bites back a laugh. “We both know I’d need a stronger hook to lose consciousness, c’mon.”

“I don’t know,” I play pretend, “The other day Jin barely slapped you and you looked like you wanted to cry.”

“Hey!” his hot cocoa is long forgotten, “I’ll have you know he’s older than me—”

“Oh, so now age matters?”

“—and has been playing kick-boxing for a lot longer than I have. Obviously, he knows what he’s doing!”

“It was just a friendly slap!”

He scoffs, still smiling.

“You know, when Yoongi called he asked me if I knew about Mina and I answered, ‘what the fuck is a Mina?’ which, in hindsight, it’s not a very kind thing to ask.”

Jungkook bursts into a quiet laugh, back against the wall. Maybe being on the carpet isn’t a suiting position to have a talk—about serious matters, too. But Jungkook’s comfortable, and as long as he is, I really don’t care.

It was weird seeing him, even if just for a fraction of a second, losing control.

Maybe he needs a friend more than he knows.

“I met Mina a long time ago. Sophomore year, maybe? I had been dating Sowon for two years then—Sowon and I met in high school, she was my first girlfriend. A bit older than me. When I got into college, we started fighting for the most meaningless things, though. For the last months, ours was an on and off relationship. We broke up and made up all the time; it was actually a relief when we broke up for good. That somehow changed me. I dreaded for anything but a relationship. Jin-hyung likes to say that I turned up to be a handsome fuckboy,” he laughs, staring into the mug, “Yoongi-hyung says it was terrible having me around. I was always off to parties and spent most of my nights in girls’ sororities. I’m not exactly proud of that period. Sowon had disappeared from life by then. I only saw her once again, when she found out I had been sleeping around. I don’t know, she got mad. Really mad. Tried to fuck Yoongi-hyung to get back at me.”

“That’s…” Jungkook looks at me, lips parted. I find out I don’t have it in me to continue my sentence.

“Not ideal, huh?”

“Far from ideal.”

“The hyungs helped a lot, back then. Mina, too. She was one of the girls I had been hooking up with. I can’t say what exactly changed in our relationship, or what she did to make me realize I didn’t want to be careless anymore. One day I started looking at her differently and…” he shrugs, “The rest is history.”

“Damn, and I thought for a solid second that my relationships of five months were a huge fucking goal.” He snickers. “How long have you two been together, then?”

“Two years? No, wait. Almost two years and a half. But lately she’s been hinting that she wants more. Her parents got married very young, and so did her sister. I think she kind of expected me to pop the question, half a year ago. But I haven’t. Which made her think I was cheating on her. Which I’m not. She thinks I’m twenty years old Jungkook all over again. Which, for the third time, I’m not.” He huffs. “I don’t know how to make her understand that we’re young and there’s so much we could be doing rather than worrying about getting married. Christ, I’m twenty-two. I’m barely studying for my master’s degree. She thinks I don’t love her, and it makes me so fucking mad. I begged for a pause. We need some time apart.”

“But you said she refused. Hence why you’re avoiding her.”

“Yeah.” He finishes his hot cocoa off. “Do you think I’m insane for wanting to distance myself for a while?”

“No, I don’t. It may sound cliché, but people who love each other don’t always see eye to eye. They change. Long term relationships require many compromises, and sometimes it’s hard to do that.” I throw my head back against the wall. Jungkook follows my movements with his gaze. “Sometimes you fall out of love, too. Things… happen. People change. There isn’t always a valid reason why. I think that recognizing change is brave. Forcing things to never shift it’s dangerous.”

A peaceful silence falls between our bodies. I can’t help but realize it’s very late. I sneak a look at Jungkook, who’s looking at me with his eyebrows furrowed. I’m glad he decided to trust me.

“You know, for being so short you’ve got an insane amount of wisdom inside of you.”

“Fuck off, Jeon”

He deserves every pillow I’ve thrown him.

EXHIBIT C

“And you expect me to say he’s not a jerk?”

“Well,” Lisa breathes out, downhearted. “I don’t think he knows the very meaning of kindness.”

As an ungainly rustle of papers fills my ears, she exhales, turning to Yuna, a scorn adorning her face.

“Look, have you seen the guy? He’s got a promotion and boom!, there he goes thinking he’s better than all of us combined. Don’t let him get to you, girl. He probably thinks that a discussion on the oxford comma is first date material. Fuck,” she then smiles, a curve void of sympathy, “The guy probably thinks he’s too good for a date. Do you recall the last time he looked as if he fucked someone’s brain out?” Yuna doesn’t answer, instead she opts for smoothing her shirt and Lisa smirks, proud. “My point exactly. He’s a poor jerk. Leave him be.”

It’s not considered eavesdropping if they’re sniping about Namjoon out in the open, right? I’m thrown aback for a solid minute, because, yes, Namjoon is a lot, a deeply wholesome and complex guy to have as your boss, but he’s not that bad. Sure, he has his moments – like any of us has – yet he’s attentive, caring, a tall mentor I’m delighted to have around.

Not to mention the fact that he’s attractive. It’s undeniable. He’s charming because he extrudes confidence when he arguments whilst gesticulating, when he talks back and smiles sharply, when his ideas are picked because original, fresh, on the spot. He trusts and gives, in a manner that can swipe anyone off their feet when adorned with his dimples.

Namjoon’s an attractive man, period.

I frown.

I plop on my chair, coffee in my mug.

Oh my God. Namjoon’s attractive. He’s hot. He’s smart. He’s sarcastic. His humour amazes me first thing in the morning when he hasn’t had his shots of coffee yet and has to talk to people.

Stop, Y/N. Okay, so what? He can be nice to have around. I’m at loss of words – thoughts – when a picture of Namjoon wearing slacks and a white shirt pops in my mind. White shirts fit him so well it’s unreal. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“Hey, Y/N,” a voice startles me and, as my eyes widen, I turn towards the person in question, “Mind helping me with these?”

Namjoon – fit Namjoon, Kim I’m-wearing-beautiful-glasses Namjoon - points to papers a now hidden part of me I know she recognizes, and I find myself nodding like an idiot before I can even think of an eligible answer.

Think of unattractive people. People you’re not attracted to. People you would mind undressing you. Touching you. Hugging you. Think of…Jungkook.

Jungkook isn’t… my type. He’s warm, he’s soft with his bunny smile and happy eyes. He wears dark t-shirts on a daily basis. He snorts when his students write absurdities others would cry for. He once tried to inhale six packs of ramen just because Taehyung dared him to. I mentally chuckle at the memory. Think of Jungkook, I repeat to myself. The same Jungkook that swears when playing Overwatch. The same Jungkook that pouts when he studies and frowns as he focuses so hard.

Jungkook would never slam his partner against the door, hands in their hair. He’d never command them to go down on their knees before him. He’s only been in long term relationships. The guy’s probably not even a fan of PDA.

Jungkook is soft around the edges, and shy and cute and definitely someone I’m not attracted to.

“Sure,” I breathe out, a smile tugging at my lips, “Let me see.”

“So,” Jimin begins in a quiet whisper that has me wondering why he can’t speak out loud, “You want to bone your boss.”

I mentally scold the office policy and its daunting, cryptic suggestion to keep a semi-formal appearance. Which translates into high heels. I have to wear high heels. They would be heels – just heels, comfortable, classy, lovely heels – if only there wasn’t what Jungkook defines as height discrepancy. Which translates into I’m short. And it’s 2019. So short people are expected to be tall, in certain circumstances. Like office attire. Even though, to be honest, it’s also my fault. My fault for being so enamoured with the classy and charming – when I told him, Jungkook sneered so hard I thought he was seconds from combusting – clacking heels make on smooth floors.

“That’s—” absurd, I want to say, but I settle with a mellow “—right.”

He’s not wrong. I am in the wrong, though. I open the front door of our apartment building, almost soulless.

“You can’t have feelings for your boss,” Jimin sighs, and I hear in the distance a vague shuffling of clothes. “You can’t be sexually attracted to your boss, either.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” I greet our neighbours with a nod — actually, neighbour. The landlord, who is now heading out — and, as soon as she leaves, I groan loudly. With cattiness, I push the elevator button, my forehead pressed onto the wall next to it.

“We have to do something about it. This is not happening. And this clearly refers to you drooling over someone you can’t possibly have, for perfectly good reasons.”

“We?” I ask meekly, opening our place’s door. Jungkook’s not home yet, he’s got a late afternoon class that usually drains all his energies, which only means get in the shower before Jungkook does. Ergo, translation sponsored by the creator of the roommate language, thank you very much, the roommate who had to shower multiple times with cold, freezing water, in order to avoid such fucking loathsome situation, should enjoy her roommate’s absence. Especially since he wants all the hot water in the world for himself for the following half hour. Jungkook is caring just like that, yes. I am the luckiest gal in the world.

“Well, it’s not like we can handle you being all gross when talking about this guy’s dimples while sexually frustrated because, and I quote, he’s so fucking attractive.”

“I-I never said I was sexually frustrated, though?”

“Really,” he deadpans, “You did not. So, we didn’t go through a detailed erotic novel based on how you’d call him daddy despite you not wetting yourself at the thought of calling someone your daddy—or how you’d drop on your knees—”

“I think that’s enough, Chim.”

“Yeah,” he groans, “me fucking too.”

I ponder whether asking him what’s bothering him, because there’s clearly something I can’t quite picture troubling one of my best friends. Jimin is altogether the perfect comrade one needs in their life (he’s cool, he gives great advice, he listens, he’s always giving, which applies to a wide range of things, spacing from his shoulder to more practical, capitalistic things you didn’t even know you’d need) and the worst interlocutor one could ever have (he despises talking about his feelings, his thoughts, and never shares unless something huge happens). Jimin’s a solid seven, based on the results of the Kim Social Test. Tae had nodded his head, gravely, then wrote something on the papers he had been holding the whole time he questioned his soulmate.

How I wish I knew how to properly read people like Tae does. Jimin and I once planned to get him tipsy enough to sneak into his chaotic room for plenty of time, so that we’d discover the secret papers – the KST secret papers. Needless to say, we still know shit regarding Kim Taehyung’s enigmas. One day, Chim. One day we’ll discover all of the answers Taehyung hasn’t shared about the infamous twenty-seven steps test.

The moment I take off my shoes, though, something moving in my periphery catches my attention. Something white moving. Proper phrasing, Y/N. Namjoon expects better from you.

Someone… in white… moving?

Ten points to Gryffindor.

Wait.

It’s Jungkook.

My roommate. My shy roommate. Wet. Wearing just a white towel around his waist. Can people actually have a waist this tiny? And since when Jungkook has abs? What the fuck?

“’Min, I’ll call you back.”

“Oh,” Jungkook has seen me, moved in my direction and I shoot my gaze directly on his face. Not an inch below. Nope. I won’t stare at him. (Sure, the guy goes to the gym. The guy has muscles. But abs? Shit.) “When did you come back? I didn’t hear you coming in.”

Jungkook is handsome.

“Seconds ago. Really.”

He looks at me with a lopsided grin, hand rubbing at the nape of his neck. If he notices that my posture is somewhat frozen and my gaze won’t, incidentally, meet nothing but his, he doesn’t say anything, and I’m immensely grateful for that.

It just—struck me in a funny way, I guess. Not everyday you expect your almost naked roommate to greet you like this, coming back home. Nuh-uh. Especially not a roommate you didn’t realise had abs, thank you very much.

“When did you—uhm, when did you come back, though?”

“As soon as I heard my class was cancelled. I’ve been working on those fucking essays ever since, goddamnit. I needed a break, so I hit the shower enjoying your absence very much.” He shoots me a sardonic smile and, for a second, I’m tempted to hit him. But I don’t. He’s fucking naked. His skin is glistening because he’s still wet. He’s… he’s basically a whole adult now, and he still hasn’t learned how to properly use a towel.

Fucking fuck.

He’s wetting the kitchen floor.

Oh my god, get a grip, Y/N.

Eyes up.

“You were right, by the way,” he furrows his eyebrows, adjusting his towel with a hand and opening the fridge with the other, “I had to write them a long time ago. Procrastinating is fucking me up.”

I suppress my next thought as soon as it’s formed and carved into my brain. My heart is burning at how quickly this conversation could take a turn for the worst, so I spur, without thinking, “You’re fucking me up.”

Also known as the very, exact thought that my brain didn’t manage to stifle. Which could mean a lot of things, really! Out of context, yes, it could seem like I meant that in a… sexual way? But in reality—of fucking course not! Have you seen me? Have you seen Jungkook?

Jungkook’s eyebrows raise so much I’m afraid they faded into his hairline. Flush creeps into my face, so I hasten to add: “I’m supposed to take a shower first, you know. I deserve the hot water too. This means you only won this round.”

He grips the fridge door tighter, takes his time licking his lips and—I stop following his movements when he chuckles, his laugh almost lost in the awkward silence I brought myself upon.

“Yeah, war’s still on, shortie.”

I gasp, a loud sound that has him vibrating against the fridge. I’m seconds away from touching his back and get a hold of his attention but I refrain from doing so because—because he’s showing so much skin, smooth skin that would feel like silk under the touch. I can only imagine how my thumbs’ pads would feel, running against his bare body.

Get a grip, Y/N.

“Excuse me? What did you just call me?”

“Mhm?” – he blinks, playing pretend – “What did I say?”

I hastily grab his banana milk from his hands, shoving it away from him and barely above my head.

“Come again, you coward.”

He now faces me, the tip of his tongue wetting his upper lip.

I fucked up, I realize, eyes widening.

I probably have three seconds to surrender before he’ll say or do something that will worsen the situation. The situation being his presence – his mostly naked presence – hurting me and making me flutter and thinking things and…

“You do have a chance of winning the shower game, baby…”

I’m fucked.

“But you lost this battle a long time ago.” his velvet voice whispers as his eyes dart into mine, falling into the darkness of my pupils.

Jungkook grabs the banana milk bottle, his fingers brushing mine and burning me while I can only stare back, mouth agape. He spares a look at his hand making contact with mine, but it’s gone as soon as it begins, because he’s back to staring into my soul and past lives and future ones.

I’m fucked, period.

I gulp when his phone starts ringing and that catches his whole attention.

More so, I feel like I can breathe again.

Jungkook blinks a couple times, his doe eyes darting to where he placed his phone last and, in that moment, I realize that Jimin is right: we have to do something about it.

We need to do something about it as soon as possible.

EXHIBIT D(enial)

Step twelve: what kind of relationship have you established with your person in question? Let yourself find out.

Jimin shakes his purple head from side to side, his thumb stuck in mid air as he stops scrolling down his phone.

“I just don’t understand,” he frowns, smacking his lips, “What am I supposed to tell you? You declined all my plans.”

If I didn’t know him better, I’d say he was whining, the sound loud and deafening, able to soften his features and make him look a lot younger and innocent.

“I know,” it’s my turn to whine and show despair, I now get to crumble under Jimin’s scrutiny. “But I don’t want to date. I don’t want to put myself under all that stress—constant anxiety, fear of not knowing what the other is thinking, undeniable concern because our schedules wouldn’t match… and,” I add, allowing myself to breathe, “I want it to happen casually. I don’t want to force a relationship. The last time I did this it turned out to be a complete failure.”

Jimin sighs, blocking his phone and throwing it away on the couch. Taehyung and Jimin’s flat is suffocating. Hence why we avoid hanging out together at their place—one could say it’s nice, it gives off a cosy vibe and, yeah, in a way I agree. But having to shove Tae’s clothes in order to enter home, cramming into a small place both the kitchen and living room and debating whether the tiny veranda can be considered a new room is too much. (And frankly, concerning. Once, Jimin went outside to fetch underwear. Yeah, underwear.) I’d rather live anywhere but here.

My mind likes to be a bitch, because in a hot second I’m picturing Jungkook doing the most domestic and unfathomable things, like… like, laundry. I see him crouching on his knees, an attentive look offered to his dark clothes only, forehead showing, and tiredness written all over his face. He always smells so good after taking care of his clothes, the detergent’s distinctive smell sticking to his skin for longer than necessary.

“And I don’t want hook-ups. Especially not with people of your choice.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll admit that Tae and I have tried one too many times to match you with… not good fits.”

“Not good fits is a fucking euphemism, Park.”

He snorts, a hand in his hair. “Sorry, sorry. I know. Still, that leaves us…” he pretends to look at a paper in his hands, expression contorted into a delusional one. “Masturbation. Rub one off in the good, old way. Should be fine for a week or two.”

Doctor Park earns a swift prod of my elbow against his thigh, and I’m rewarded with his high-pitched laugh.

“Fucking hell, Y/N, that hurt.”

“This whole conversation hurts, Jimin.” – I sigh, slouching on the couch – “I can’t believe I’m letting you help with this… problem.”

“My dear dramatic friend,” he starts, propping an elbow on a cushion, “you’re just horny. Frustrated. And I don’t know how to help you.”

“That reminds me, you useless purple-haired good-looking friend—”

“…That’s not an insult?”

“…is everything okay with you? I mean – you live with Taehyung, so clearly something is wrong with you, but I mean emotionally? You’ve been a little off these past few days.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” my smile is inevitable, “Oh.”

Did he really think people wouldn’t notice? Me, of all people, wouldn’t realize something is wrong from his behaviour?

“No, just—same old, I guess.”

“My Jimin translator is currently fucked up so I need you to repeat what you just said in an understandable way, Min.”

Scratch that, my Jimin translator has always had problems. If it had ever worked, I wouldn’t find myself here, knees brought up to my chest, struggling to hear Jimin talking about his feelings.

He passes a hand through his locks. “I’m holding up just fine? Studying, working, hooking up unlike you.”

“Don’t make it about me, jerk. What about the person you were with, when we talked on the phone yesterday?”

“What do you mean, the person I was with?”

The look on my face makes him groan, hands now covering his eyes. “What gave it away?”

“Happy post coital Jimin is very different from frustrated but not sexually Jimin, I’ll have you know.”

“I don’t even want to know, what the fuck.”

“But I do,” I plea, tugging at the end of his shirt, “Tell me what’s wrong, Min.”

The whining tone of my voice has to do the trick, I reckon, because he’s throwing his head back and hastily grabs a cushion to hold—or to suffocate himself with, I can’t tell.

“I’m sort of—getting over someone. It’s harder than I thought.”

Oh, Jimin.

I’m dramatic, okay? Jimin knows, Taehyung laughs because of this and Jungkook finds it amusing, too. Everybody knows. So, I developed several different scenarios – a wide range of possible things Jimin would share (finally) with me, but none of them resemble in the slightest the real thing. And it’s somewhat frightening.

“You don’t have to tell me… I didn’t know you even liked someone in the first place. Really, it’s okay. I thought it was something trivial like trying to survive in this place or a fight with Tae, I don’t know.”

This makes him smile. “No, it’s—it wasn’t an unrequited crush, you know? Only, things happened, and we stopped seeing each other. Turns out it’s difficult to get over him.”

A pause, the tip of his tongue wetting his plump lower lip. “Do we know him? Me and Taehyung, I mean?”

“It’s—complicated. But it’s not a big deal, really.”

“How can you say that? Your feelings are at stake and seeing you hurt haunts me.”

He bites the insides of his mouth, eyes glinting with disbelief. “You really are dumb and dramatic, what the fuck. I’ll get over him, don’t worry.”

He throws a cushion at me, while I stare him, eyes wide and mouth agape because of his reaction, calm and composed. As if it’s really not this big of a deal.

“If you really feel sad, though… buy me a drink. Or two. Or three. Until me suffering stops haunting you.”

The audacity of Park Jimin, ladies and gentlemen.

[15.38] you: okay min

[15.38] you: you were right. i’m horny

[15.40] jimin: what else is new bb. What did he do this time

[15.41] you: bold of you to assume he did anything in the first place. But no. he didn’t do anything

[15.41] you: Beside getting a terrible haircut. I hate it. I kinda wanna punch namjoon in the face for this, and not in the kinky way

[15.43] jimin: Is there a kinky way to punch someone? Maybe you meant spitting in his mouth? On his dick? I’ll stop with these bc I don’t want you to get worked up over my texts

[15.43] you: shut up

[15.43] you: anyway one of his friends passed by. Red hair. Mouth hearth shaped. Adonis body. 10/10 would bang or kiss or hold his hand

[15.43] you: 15/10 would prefer the banging. Anyway, I don’t have a crush on namjoon, I’m just in need of a good dicking

[15.46] jimin: I’m screenshotting this and sending it to taetae

[15.46] you: blocked and reported

[15.46] jimin: you’re my dick deprived friend and I love you. Taetae says he’s not up for dicking you good because he’s in love with a girl that is about to blow him, sorry don’t be mad I don’t make the rules

[15.48] you: what the fuck did I just read

[15.48] jimin: just say you love me and you’ll go out with us tonight. Let’s partayyyy. I’ll help you find someone to go down on you, trust me

[15.49] you: what the fuck did I just read, the reprise

[15.51] jimin: no ok ok ok. Seriously. Go out with us. Me, tae and guk. We made plans a couple of days ago. Come with us. If you’re not up for a hook up you can just loosen up a bit and have fun with us. I promise

[15.52] jimin: please

[15.54] you: I’m in

***

One thing Jungkook doesn’t notice about me straight away is the feeling of uneasiness and worry that creeps up my face.

Jungkook’s curious, mostly alcohol-hazed, look scurries away before meeting my eyes: he checks me out (I wish I didn’t have to say this—but one has to come to terms with this admission after being looked at with dark, hooded eyes for a good five minutes), tilts his head in what I assume it’s his flirting expression, comments on the dark, sometimes transparent dress Taehyung bought me online and clicks his tongue in a mocking way, when said Taehyung hits him with a can of cheap beer and a couple of dirty jokes.

I would like to wrap Taehyung like a burrito with a warm, inviting plaid instead of having him dragging us all in a packed bar, for the simple and yet abhorrent (to him, of course) reason that he’s shit at pregaming. To be completely honest, he’s shit at drinking. Can’t hold his liquor if his life depended on it. Jimin blocks his phone and groans loudly, then proceeds in wrapping his arm around Tae’s waist and escorting him outside our apartment, murmuring a regretful “I’m doing this because I need it, you shithead. Don’t make me regret I came with you.”

I chuckle, amused by the two.

It’s only seconds later that my wrist is playfully grabbed by one clearly upset Jungkook. He blinks, twice, before wetting his chapped lips. I shoot him a questioning look that I hope doesn’t feel like I’m in need to get away from him because I’m being weirded out by his behaviour.

“I didn’t know you were coming with us.” he says, even though it sounds like a realization he wrongly pronounced out loud.

“Am I gonna be a problem for you?”

His doe eyes widen at that, but he’s quick to reassure, voice steadier: “Of course not.” He furrows his eyebrows, “I just meant…” A shrug. “I thought you didn’t do this.”

“What? Hanging out with my friends?”

He’s smiling an empty smile how, lips twisting into a crude exhibit of disorientation, like he doesn’t know how to answer that.

“Right.” He nods, stopping holding my wrist. “A friends’ night out.”

He steals a glance at me, short, devoid of emotion, before grabbing his jacket and following Jimin and Tae.

‘Right?’ I’m not—I’m not interrupting a guys’ night. I am not imposing. I can be pedant and dramatic and clingy to Jimin when drunk (remember the Incident with the former roommates of mine? Or better—don’t. I don’t wanna reminisce those moments. Just acknowledge that Drunk Me can turn into a cuddly, clingy friend) but I’m sure as fuck not imposing. God. I’m not.

As I play with the short cuticles on my middle finger, I gnaw at the inside of my mouth.

It’s funny how I am the one wondering ‘Right?; it’s in moments like this that I want nothing but to shove Jungkook against a plain, stone cold surface and ask him to talk to me. This crumbling show resembles so much the Mina Thing that I am feeling uncomfortable even asking. I thought that having a roommate meant gaining a friend; now I say: maybe. It depends. I guess that sharing a house with someone means you’re bound to come into contact with this other person, and there are times when this connection turns into something deeper, like friendship. Still, it’s not the usual friendship path, so you have to be careful and make sacrifices along the way. Right now, the sacrifice I’m making is taming my – how did Jimin call it, once? Mom-friend attitude?

Tone it down, Y/N.

Especially since I know I am not nurturing the boys into spending time with me and showering me with attention.

I sigh.

The question that fails to be answered is only one…

What’s gotten into Jungkook?

***

“Plan for the night,” Taehyung smirks, hands in his now longer hair, “I’m getting wasted.”

“Very mature,” Jimin snorts.

“You’d be too, if the fuck of your life didn’t call you back.”

“Oh my god,” I groan, “It happened a long time ago. I remember I was still wondering whether asking your roommate to wash up was decent human being behaviour or not.”

“Or not.” Tae blinks, hands in his pockets, “You once told me, too. You were rude.”

“You threw up on me!” Jungkook chuckles. “Besides, it was freshmen’s week.”

Jimin nods. “Banging on freshmen’s week doesn’t count.”

“Especially if that’s a grad student sorry excuse to get wasted.”

“She is a hot grad student, thank you very much.” – Taehyung moves into the crowd stalled at the entrance and points towards the bar – “You’re gonna find me right there until the love of my life comes back.”

“She won’t—”

“Don’t ruin it, shortie.”

The audacity. “Have you ever considered that, perhaps, you weren’t the fuck of her life, instead?”

“Way to hound me, woman.”

Jimin shakes his head and pushes his soulmate out of the way. “Grab me a drink while you’re there.”

“Make it three!” my voice follows him, now definitely swallowed by the crowd.

The place is packed. Tae mentioned the location being renewed over the past week, but I hadn’t given him much thought. (I still remember the ruin pub tour in Budapest, for god’s sake. A tip for the future: never let Taehyung plan your holidays. No matter how much promising his ideas look) and I must admit that I like the new touch.

My gazing the surroundings is hastily interrupted by a now awaiting Jeon Jungkook: he looks at me with an arching eyebrow, his lower lip enveloping his upper one.

“What?”

“Again, what do you want?”

Knowing who pissed in your Cheerios?

“I,” I shrug, “What do you mean?”

“Grab her a Long Island, Guk,” Jimin’s voice cuts in between our bodies, “I take whatever Tae’s having.”

Right. The drink. Of course.

Jungkook disappears before stealing a glance at the both of us, a je ne sais quoi of unsaid still clear between us.

“I hate to ask. You know I do.” Jimin’s fingertips brush against the leather of my jacket. “But… is something off? Between you two?”

The soft indie music that welcomed us when we got in slowly turns into a more upbeat, loud mix of sounds and I spot in Min’s eyes the need to go dancing. I instantly remember that this night it’s for him as much as it is for me.

“No, Min.” I shake my head along to my words, a quick smile on my lips. “You don’t have to worry.”

“Better not, shortie.”

Dancing is a harder activity to excel at, especially when you’re not Jimin nor you haven’t got Taehyung’s confidence, somehow perfectly balanced by his carelessness – he doesn’t give a fuck about judgements and stares and what-not, and this freedom only fuels him. I find myself juggling between being either of them or, well, striving to channel either of them into my limbs and inner self.

It’s all about matter of attitude, in the end.

This matter of personality traits you-can’t-quite-inherit-unless-you’re-the-soulmates-themselves corners me in a delightful position: I’m very close to dancing without restraints in the middle of this place, still placing a decent amount of attention on the music itself and the crowd that has managed to swallow me whole in the past half hour.

I’m exhausted.

Don’t get me wrong—it’s insanely freely to disinhibit myself and let go, every once in a while, but I feel as if there are matters yet to be discussed that stop me from giving one hundred percent myself out on the dancefloor, as Jimin called it.

These disturbing matters present themselves right on my side in the form of one very attentive yet not-so-sober Jeon Jungkook, when I shake my head and decide to buy myself another drink.

His bouncy, fluffy hair is sticking in every unfathomable direction when his gaze crosses mine, and I don’t further inquire his state, despite my expression probably giving my thoughts away. He cocks his head, licking his lips.

“What’s up?”

That definitely sounded like a staggered what’s wrong? Where did I fuck up?

I cross my arms and place them on the mahogany counter, shrugging my shoulders.

“This place is starting to stink.”

“Well,” he mulls, a finger in his freshly formed curls. “I hope you weren’t expecting flowers and, fuck, I don’t know? Soap? Ginger ale?”

“Damn, there you go crashing my hopes and dreams.”

“Jeon Jungkook, professional heartbreaker at your service.”

I scrunch my nose. “Be more creative, c’mon.”

“International playboy?”

“I was thinking more of laundry fairy, though? Or black clothes enthusiast?”

He stares at me with an uncanny expression, blinking twice. He then shakes his head, the tip of his tongue poking out, his hands moving with emphasis in a c’mere, I just wanna talk gesture.

“You take it back,” he says, unable to hold back a laugh, “Take it back now.”

“You’re a fucking menace, is what you are.”

Jungkook chuckles while placing his elbow on my shoulders, enhancing his tall person privileges. “It’s still early, you know,” he mutters after a while, waiting for me to order before talking.

“For what?”

“Jimin said he promised to get you a hook-up,” he explains, eyes on the people still dancing in front of us. His voice is softer when he speaks next, and I find myself unable to look away from his profile even though he’s not even glancing in my direction. “It’s still early, you have all the time in the world.”

Oh.

Funnily enough, I had almost given up on the quest. I just assumed Jimin and I were living knowing the second part of our deal was taking place right around us, ergo us just having fun. Brushing aside the stress of the past few days.

Jungkook thinks I’m here to get laid? For fuck’s sake. My face heats up at just the thought.

“I’m not that desperate, Guk.”

“I know this.” He takes a strand of my hair between his calloused fingers. “I’m just saying… there’s nothing stopping you.”

“Stopping me?”

He’s so close his laugh resonates against my side, his little smile not disappearing from his lips.

“Fishing for compliments, huh?”

He chooses the moment I frown not so delicately to turn around and look at me. “Am not.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” he sighs, turning me around and placing an arm around my shoulders. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Oh.

How to survive from getting compliments by the one and only Jeon Jungkook, an autobiography by yours truly.

I can vaguely feel my fingers trembling.

“That doesn’t sound very convincing,” I retort, putting up the bravest smile I could muster up. “Try again.”

He hums, closing dangerously the distance between our bodies. I am flushed. Tingling. Burning. His breath is nudging my ear, his fingers playfully tapping my shoulder.

“Let me rephrase this, then,” a pause, “You could get anyone here.”

I follow his stare into the crowd, a bubbly, commercial song now playing. His deep, soft voice continues, “Literally anyone. From that guy on our left that has been staring at you for the past half hour to the girl on your right with the black straw in her mouth.”

As my eyes catch a glimpse of the people he’s mentioned, a vivid, powerful weight drops in my stomach. I swallow, frowning slightly. I just. I just don’t want them. I don’t want random people. I don’t want casual anymore. I’m throwing myself toward a better goal, a blazing direction, an ardent feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something that resembles a stable relationship. Domesticity. Tenderness. Urgency. Passion. The whole package, I can practically hear Jimin shouting. I want…

My mind must love playing tricks on me, because suddenly I’m surrounded by muffled sounds and I can only think: Jungkook. This one right here. This warm body next to mine. This kind soul.

The bubble bursts as rapidly as it had grown around me in the first place.

This Jungkook with a girlfriend. This taken man. This body that is used to warm up another girl’s sheets.

I fight the instinct to cry.

“Not interested in anyone, sorry.”

Jungkook’s tone is crushed when he speaks next, but I don’t care. I don’t even want to know why. It doesn’t even matter. I don’t want to think about it.

“Right.”

I grab the freezing drink with one hand, the other in my hair.

The cold feeling against my skin sends a shiver down my spine and I can’t help but feel as if that’s the only ending I’m getting. The only road I’m supposed to enter—the average one, the ordinary, already paved, already walked on by thousands before me.

The only time I’m thinking seriously about someone it’s—it’s about a taken one. Well played, Y/N. Good fucking job.

“See you at home?”

It wasn’t supposed to be a question, but who cares, right? I’m leaving Jungkook’s periphery before he can even form a decent answer.

Turns out I can channel one of the soulmates, in the end. It’s Jimin. It’s what the purple haired friend always does when his feelings are at stake. When he puts his defences up and plays around like me and Tae can’t fucking see he’s hurt.

I’m making sure feelings can’t get to me.

***

“Y/N? Hey, what’s wrong?”

Yoongi’s alarmed tone is the only clear sound I can properly hear. I giggle uncontrollably, hand covering my mouth.

“Ooops. Wrong number.”

My back slides against the wall, and I sigh as I sit down on the bathroom floor.

I don’t know what prompted me hiding in here.

I don’t—I didn’t think this through. Properly. I’ve never aced hide and seek, as a kid.

“Don’t worry… are you—are you alright?”

I gulp. “Yep. Yup. Positive, sir.” Now I’m hiccupping like someone who can’t hold his liquor. Someone I’m not. Taehyung in his purest form.

“Y/N,” Yoongi’s voice reverberates in my ear, “Have you been drinking?”

God. Why on earth am I on the phone with him?

“I don’t know, you’re the one who called me.” I said that out loud? Oh, shit. I burst into a fit of giggles, once again. This is so embarrassing. “Are you alone? Is Jungkook with you?”

“No, god. No.”

“Is Jimin with you, then?”

“Dunno. Might be outside the women’s bathroom. Might not.”

Have been here for the past twenty minutes, looking far worse than I sound, of course I don’t know. The freezing tiles melt me and my first instinct – my primal reaction to this unexpected, rude cold is staring at the ceiling. Not batting an eye. Throwing my head back on the wall, hoping the goose bumps will fade in seconds. Hoping the childish, irrational tears won’t wet my cheeks.

I hate this state of raw, sick vulnerability. I hate knowing it doesn’t go away with a snap of fingers, with the silent, hushed promise to myself that I’ll do better next time, I’ll take care of myself in such a good way this will only feel like a bad dream. A short-lived nightmare.

“Can you reach him? Please?”

It’s a sequence of blurs, then – getting on my feet, meeting Jimin’s worried eyes, brushing away Taehyung’s confused, warm hand. Jimin nodding, grabbing his jacket, scanning quickly the room. The buzz dissipates around me, numbing me to the point that I don’t recall going home, in the end. Neither Jimin’s precious care nor the quiet sobs that don’t stop.

Nothing but an unexpected text, bright and deadly, blurred with tears for me and myself only.

[01.26] jungkook: staying at mina’s tonight.

EXHIBIT E

Step fifteen: when in doubt, ask for a rematch. Challenge your opponent. Scoot closer. Drop the formalities. Let that stake be higher.

I’ve been through worse.

I’ve literally shoved my fingers down Jimin’s throat so he could throw up. I’ve studied the wrong assignment more than once. Once, I only ate birthday cakes for a week. Emphasis on cakes.

Harbouring silly, illogical crushes for someone doesn’t even make the top ten list. When you’ve known Taehyung and Jimin for longer than five years, you know it doesn’t even make the top twenty stupid things you regret doing in your life chart.

That’s why it doesn’t matter—okay, Jungkook looks good wearing black. Passing his hand through his messy locks, therefore showing his forehead. Making eye contact when he talks (that has lately turned into a reason why I’ve been blushing more around him, for Christ’s sake).

So what? It happens. It happens when people are cute. And smart. And funny.

“Morning,” Jungkook mumbles, voice drowsy and thick with sleep.

I’m thrown away by his appearance, which can only confirm the fact that he didn’t spend the night here, at home, his bedroom next to mine. He’s slouched on the couch, eyes still closed, his thick eyelashes catching my attention.

I try not to focus on the feeling in my belly, a weight in the pit of my stomach that dropped when I got his text last night and hasn’t disappeared ever since. He’s got a girlfriend and I have no right whatsoever to feel saddened by this crucial statement. Honestly, a part of me feels guilty because it’s nothing I didn’t know before yesterday. Does it make me mad, knowing that his girlfriend has been away from him for so long? That, while he pushed her away because he needed space, feelings for him started spurring in my stomach and mind and every limb of mine? Yes. Yes, ten thousand times yes. But—what can I do about them? I’m so used to dealing with feelings on my own – how many crushes did I suppress because my feelings were unrequited? I lost count – that it shouldn’t even surprise me. Yet here I am, yet here my last shred of hope flees away. I’m delusional. I’d laugh, out loud, dry, not at all sympathetic if only Jungkook wasn’t here.

As I bit the insides of my mouth, I can only hum in response, not gathering the strength to form a proper greeting.

“Tired?”, Jungkook asks as he starts playing with the rings on his fingers. I turn around, facing the kitchen counter and the mug I’ve just grabbed.

Tired doesn’t even begin describing what the fuck I’m feeling.

“Yeah.”

It’s all I can muster up.

“Mhm.”

I can hear a vague shuffling of clothes – he must be standing up, stretching his limbs, suppressing a groan. Only a glance. I spare only a glance at his tired figure that disappears from my periphery.

That’s how Jungkook retreats in his room.

I never hated Saturday mornings as much as I do now.

***

Maybe that was an idiotic hyperbole. Because, my internal voice almost stutters, this is what sucks. This is what I hate: a whole week (a whole ten days) without Jungkook. Scratch that. A whole ten days with Jungkook in it and my usual Jungkook missing from my life altogether.

He scraps his neck, doesn’t meet my eyes, doesn’t stay in the same room as me anymore. Which is understandable. I’m a rational human being, not at all baffled by emotions of any kind, of course, so I get it. An inclination of sorts erupted between us during that night out and it unequivocally brought to surface my limits (read: my feelings) and his desire to stray as further as possible away from me. I get that. I would have flirted with him and said things to him if the girlfriend package didn’t cross my mind. I have feelings and a deep, vivid imagination to support said to-be-neglected feelings and Jungkook must have sensed that. Must have had an epiphany somewhere in between this horrific, awkward week without me.

Makes sense! It’s alright! I can manage without him.

It’s the only right turn of things, after all.

As I hold the key in my hand and open the apartment’s door with a sigh, the stillness of the living room hits me at once. I don’t know whether blaming the shredded, dying light of the day breezing past the sunblinds or the overbearing tidiness of the stuff in the room. Just a glance towards the awfully tidy space, crammed with magazines precisely positioned on the coffee table, the couch, unused for days, taking up too much space, and the TV turned off since the beginning of the week… makes my stomach drop.

I’m suddenly burned out, feeling the weight of a never-ending week of work and innumerable talks with my mind crashing on me and trapping my chest. I let out a drawn out, exhausted breath, feeling for the first time in a long time like a guest just waiting to go back home.

A black mop of hair distracts me from this dying scenery, and I meet for the first time in too many days Jungkook’s big, doe eyes.

“Hi,” he puffs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Hungry?”

He’s standing with his fingers interlaced and a white tee too big for his figure that’s swallowing him fully. I can’t help but steal a glance at his bouncy, almost curly hair that look so, so incredibly soft at the touch.

“No,” I shake my head, voice low, already taking a step forward my room. “I’ve got a huge load of paperwork to do before tomorrow.”

He nods, and my heart breaks just a little because having dinner together was a thing I got used to too fast for my liking. There was something about his jokes and disparate comments on whatever show we were binging. Or about the soft chuckles he let out, the way he relaxed against the couch and, when it became too late, made sure to wake me up with that husky voice of his when I fell asleep on my end of the couch.

Upper lip between my tooth, I decide against standing like a fool in front of him when he made it extremely clear, in the past ten days, that doesn’t really want me around. Which is—hurting me, but I guess there are things I can’t control in life. One of them being his friend, right now.

As I retreat in my room, I feel so terribly stupid, without any doubt crushing once again on the wrong person.

***

Thursday morning finds me padding softly through my room, reaching the kitchen with my eyes half closed and hair purposely sticking in multiple directions to make me look like a mess in front of my roommate, because, of course. Jungkook’s in the kitchen.

It feels like a nightmare. One where I’m supposed to bump into Jungkook in the worst of times, looking desperate while he’s the very definition of boyfriend material. And I’m internally screaming. And dying, of fucking course.

He’s on the phone, humming at his interlocutor while tracing patterns on his thigh, his little dimple on full display.

“Hyung, no—”

He groans, and I can’t help but chuckle softly at the scene, his dark locks in his eyes. “I don’t know if… I mean, I hope we can make it…”

Jungkook turns fully around and faces me, his mouth agape and eyes wide, still able to melt me into a puddle of softness and quick heartbeats. I stare back like a stupid, crushing human being while I flush and he mouths a silent “morning” that steals a smile from me, anyway.

I can practically hear Jimin whispering whipped on repeat in my head and the implication alone makes my heart flutter.

(Maybe so, Park)

He stays like that in front of me, not moving, not even an inch, focusing his morbid eyes into my messy hair and brushing gently the tangles out. I freeze, unable to do something that’s not burning under his caring touch and pretending I’m not about to reveal my deep, inexcusable, unrequited crush to him.

I’m guilty once again—observing for a fraction of a second his lips, soft because of the melon lipbalm he insists on buying and when I look up, his eyes, ablaze, lock on mine and I believe there’s something resembling a flicker in them—a fervent flame shattering its surroundings.

“I’ll call you back, hyung. Yeah, yes, I know.”

As he places his phone down, he rasps, “Yoongi hyung is back. Just… just for a few days, though.” He hesitates, eyes still fixated on my bed head. “He invited me to his friends’ night out. Invited us, I mean. It’s nothing more than him pretending to be annoyed by us and being a good hyung, nonetheless. You know,” he furrows his eyebrows, “He’ll tell us we can’t hold our liquor then will buy us drinks and food. He’s gonna watch us eating like we’ve never had that much food in our lives and smile like an idiot at us bickering. It’s always the same with him. So,” he shrugs, his eyes darting to find mine, a bit insecure, “Are you free tonight?”

I blame the whole boyfriend attire. The softness of his request, the gentleness of his touch, his big eyes, my deep desire to feel a part of his life once again. Just for a night. Like the old times. Like we’d never put these barriers in between us. I want it so bad, even if it’s just for delusional fractions of a single, ordinary day.

“Yeah,” I whisper back, barely nodding, “Yeah, I’m in.”

EXHIBIT F(ucking finally, kid)

“Okay, so, you’re being paid for doing something you love?” Taehyung look absolutely gobsmacked by the idea that in this alternate universe there’s someone being paid for that exactly. “Hyung, it seems fake. Are you sure you’re being paid? Like, have you actually checked your bank account? Counted the money? Got that bread?”

“Oh my god,” Jimin whispers to himself, grabbing Taehyung’s hand and shoving him back. “You can’t ask people that, Tae.”

The soulmates glance at each-other, and Yoongi exhales a soft chuckle. “Yeah, I did. Had to buy Jin-hyung a Yankee candle as a thanks for the airport ride.” He looks at the eldest now, a frown and a pout adorning his face, “That shit costs a fucking fortune, though.”

“Not my fault my nose is delicate. I’m allergic to most things, you should know by now.”

“Most things?” Jungkook asks, confused. “I only knew of pollen?”

“Cheapness, kid. The acrid smell of an Ikea fruity candle. Yoongi’s crappy softener.”

Yoongi quite literally stabs Seokjin with his icy stare. “When did you smell my softener?”

“It’s lavender,” Jimin nods, solemnly. “It’s not bad.”

Before I can ask wait, how the fuck did you know that?, Yoongi shakes his head and comments on something twenty-one years old Seokjin did, once upon a time, that earns him a pout and a high-pitched reply by the eldest. I’d focus on how close the two – Jimin and Yoongi, of course - are, sitting with their shoulders almost brushing and thighs just inches separated, but I decide against it when I notice the way Yoongi smiles – all gums, all eyes turned into crescents – when Jimin throws his head back and laughs openly, clasping his hands together.

Oh, my mind offers, and I bite back a smile.

When Jungkook had told me about this night out, I didn’t imagine this scenario. This well outlined scenario with the bright cameo of Jimin and Taehyung, also known by anyone but me, thank you very much, as Yoongi’s friends. Or, well – acquaintances. At least on Tae and Yoongi’s part.

I fill my glass with water, eyeing the close two – Yoongi and Jimin – with sharp eyes, enjoying the calm aesthetic of this place, promptly suggested by a very euphoric Seokjin. (“It’s my brother’s restaurant,” he had explained, pride in his eyes, “I’m almost offended to hear you didn’t give it a try yet, but I’ll forgive you because you’ve put up with Jungkook for longer than I expected you to.” He smiled a proud, dad smile, all soft and bright, and before I could ask him to explain what he meant – or tilting questioningly my head, Jungkook had complained, loudly, a whine on his easy pout, “I’m hungry. Can we go in?”)

Turns out that we, yes, can go in, but, to Jungkook’s great dismay, we’re waiting for the last two friends to arrive. Jungkook has gone quiet beside me, his rings-filled fingers tapping a melody only he knows on the edge of table. I eye him for a second – a second that turns into two or three, definitely intrusive, because he snaps out of his hazed state and looks back, orbs all inquiring and able to make me burn under his scrutiny.

“I thought you’d be moping by now,” Seokjin begins, pointing his chin at Jungkook, a hand on the back of his neck. “You know, about…”

“His sorry relationship?”

Seokjin sneers at Yoongi’s remark. “More about that… all of that ended.”

“It ended a long time ago, though.” My roommate replies, while it’s my turn to become quiet and process the words I’m hearing. Does this mean what I think it means?

I swallow.

“Hyung,” Guk says, his voice barely louder than a whisper, “You know it had to be done. Wasn’t fair for either of us. Hasn’t been for god knows how long.”

“Wait,” Taehyung snaps, the bestest of friends, “You broke up?”

“No, wait,” Jimin says, a hand covering Taehyung’s, frozen in mid-air, “You were dating?”

Seokjin snorts, then shakes his head and goes for the first alcohol bottle on the table. Mood. Fucking mood. I’d grab that bottle or snatch it from his hands myself if I weren’t completely in a desperate, freaking out mode. My mind’s running towards ends and assumptions I don’t even want to hear, for my own sake, while my heartbeat is too fast paced for a chill, night out with friends. Friends only.

Oh, god. I wish Jungkook wasn’t smart and quick-witted. I’m so hoping he doesn’t connect the dots. I don’t want him to pick up the pieces and end the whole puzzle, so that he sees beyond the longing gazes and words and touches—or lack thereof and… gets it. Gets that my crush is insurmountable. And that it broadens itself like oil, dense and clear and unavoidable.

“Fuck off,” Jungkook smiles, then shakes his head as if to shrug off his shoulders this whole conversation. “You’re both being rude.”

“Hey, I’m not!” Tae replies curtly, “I just wanted to know if I can finally tell you how idiotic our last conversations have been! You know, all those ‘hyung, I need an advice’, ‘what if she—'”

“Shut up.”

“Okay, so what about the hideous ‘I jerked off to—'’

“For fuck’s sake.”

A napkin has been thrown in Tae’s direction.

“Nice touch” I say, because I’m an idiot that only points out the most useless thing out of this whole thing – fucking hell, this gigantic conversation slash vase of Pandora.

“Glad to know Jungkook’s still a brat,” a loud, chirpy voice to our left says. Remember when I said I didn’t picture the scenario like this? Well, scratch that. It turns out I didn’t picture the scenario at all if I’m being graced with Namjoon and Red hair. Mouth hearth shaped. Adonis body. 10/10 would bang or kiss or hold his hand himself. Oh my god.

What fucked up scenario is this?

What drama am I on?

“What the fuck.” That’s Namjoon’s greeting. I would snarl, but that would ruin my shocked expression. “What the fuck.” He repeats, blinking.

My boss, y’all.

What fine elegance. What charming behaviour. What snarky attitude. You wouldn’t believe that he is an editor, writer wannabe with that cool lexicon of his. His gentle manners, his perfect choice of words.

“Y/N? Why are you here?”

“Wait,” 10/10 would bang or kiss or hold his hand says, pointing fingers and retreating them soon after that, adjusting his shirt’s buttons. “Do we know you?”

“Kind of,” I say, offering a hand to him in greeting. “I’m Y/N.”

“Jungkook’s roommate? Wait—” 10/10 pauses, eyes wide, “Namjoon’s terrible intern?”

“I’m not that terrible, c’mon—”

“—you’re Namjoon?” Jimin almost shrieks, while 10/10, in the same, terrified tone asks: “Namjoon’s terrible intern is Jungkook’s roommate?”

As Jungkook casually throws his arm around my shoulders – most specifically, on the edge of my seat, I think, flushed, crushing, that this is the story of how I meet best friends Namjoon and Hoseok, number one Yoonmin stans, lukewarm coffee enthusiasts, great friends of Jungkook.

(He’d whisper to me, half an hour later, voice husky, “I didn’t know my Namjoon was your Namjoon.”

Then, Jimin would squeal, muttering to himself, “That Namjoon?”, ignoring Yoongi’s curious stare.)

***

Jungkook has broken up with his girlfriend.

Which means that he’s, now, single. Girlfriend-less. No girlfriend package. When I think of him, from now on, I’ll only be picturing a single, tall, package. Handsome, clearly. Good. Warm. All smiling and friendly. Caring.

“Have I seen you somewhere else, though?” Hoseok asks, eyebrow furrowed, while Jungkook stops eating and joins him in a collective scrutiny directed to me. This Jungkook is… just him. No relationships involved. No girlfriend. No love interests. No love interest?

It’s seconds later that I realize I didn’t answer Hoseok’s question, so I shrug my shoulders. “Work, maybe?”

My feeble, yet vivid and convincing hope has to die down. Because… Because what gives me the right to think he’ll want to jump off into another relationship? What makes me think he’ll like me? He’ll want a relationship with me?

Taehyung snaps his fingers right in front of Jimin’s face. “Screenshoot guy? 10/10?”

This is insane. I can’t believe I risked thinking I could make a move. Me, a shy coward. I can’t even fathom into thoughts – into words – the desire to laugh out loud at myself that I feel.

Idiotic. Truly idiotic.

“Yeah, Sherlock,” Jimin says, mocking, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, “Took you long enough.”

I send him back a tentative smile, that earns Hoseok’s genuine confused expression. Then I sigh, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, not noticing a pair of eyes following my actions. Not until he scoops closer and props his elbow on the edge of my seat, eyes covered with worry.

“You okay?”

It’s in these moments that I find myself wondering– what if I’m just imagining things? Just projecting? Just putting myself in the worst possible, imaginable scenario?

What if there’s more behind Jungkook’s care?

Right in front of me there are his soft lips, stuck in a pout, and I urge myself to lift up my gaze and meet his comforting eyes. “Yeah,” I nod, “Yeah.”

Jungkook’s hand then meets the back of my neck, brushing against it with a gentleness so sudden it almost makes me tear up. “Okay,” he murmurs, voice a tad louder than a hushed whisper.

The burden of my worries, as well as the unbearable weight of my thoughts, flutter away like a wave with his tiny, barely noticeable gesture and I find myself burning with affection for this soft, quiet boy.

***

“You’re drunk”

“I’m hardly drunk. I’ve sobered up,” sounding almost offended, he raises his hands on either side of his head, as if he was proving his innocence, “Would a drunk guy be able to sing a song of your choice without fucking up? Just say the name, I’ll prove it to you.”

(The chill, quiet night around us reminds me once again that right now it’s only the two of us. We said goodbye to the other guys ten minutes ago, each of us going in a different direction – ours is towards Jungkook’s car – and… I can’t help but recall Jimin’s fingers brushing Yoongi’s slender ones, crooked and willing to wrap around the younger ones. My heart. My poor heart is bursting with hope and fondness.)

Jungkook leans closer, eyes fixated on my face, causing heat to colour my cheeks. He doesn’t seem fazed by my lack of answer. My gaze moves from his exposed collarbones up to his doe eyes, eventually meeting his comforting but never questioning stare. He’s here, quiet, his presence never imposing, yet dominant.

He comes impossibly closer, chest brushing mine, a tentative hand gently caressing my jaw. I suck in a breath. His presence is numbing; the mere tracing patterns on the juncture between my face and neck is—is overwhelming. Too much.

I flush, inevitably, head ducking.

“Eyes on me,” he blinks, voice lower. “I want to…” his voice falters, just as a short circuit takes over my whole brain: his intoxicating closeness, his eyes on my lips… God.

Terribly close, yet so, so—

He doesn’t even see me exhale, nor wet my lips—my mouth meets his before my thoughts start making sense. Jungkook shudders at my lips pressing against his, gasping, mouth parting.

He presses his mouth harder on mine, flushing his body against my own, his slender fingers at the nape of my neck.

God.

I pull him closer, so tight I let out a whine that allows him to explore my mouth, tongue demanding, hands clutching at either side of my neck.

Moaning drives him mad, makes the kiss hungrier and more urgent and I’m suddenly gasping for air, tugging at the end of his hair, pulling him to me.

This riles him up—one hand strokes my cheek, gently, as opposed to the licking of his tongue, definitely different from the digging of his fingers at the small of my back.

He draws out his name from my mouth so gently that, for a moment, I think I didn’t speak at all.

“I want you,” he mutters, eyes shut and mouth indefinitely close to mine. “Want you so bad”

“Car,” he kisses me again, “your car, Guk.”

The next actions are a blurred mess (his hand finding mine, our fingers intertwined, my body pushed between the door of his car and Jungkook’s toned torso) but also have me collapsing against Jungkook, his heat pressed against mine.

God.

“Fuck,” he takes a breath, “you’re gorgeous.”

His hands tentatively roam on my hips, descend onto my thighs, grip them, all of this while I lose myself again in his kisses.

“Shit, baby”

Jungkook’s patience runs out when he feels my pebbled nipples against his chest, because he tugs at the end of my thin sweater, then kisses me harder, and I feel him everywhere, when he grips my ass, when he grinds himself against my center, drawing a long moan out of me.

Jungkook is intoxicating.

He draws my breath right out of my lungs, fingers teasing, grinding once again against me.

“Jungkook, fuck”

I whimper, he chuckles. The glorious, idiotic kisser trails pecks all over my neck, sucking on a sweet spot beside my ear.

“Guk, please…”

I don’t know what I’m whining for, but it’s enough for him to smile and close the distance between our mouths once again, savouring me slowly, in a wet, calculated kiss.

Just as my pulsating heat meets his in another tentative grind, Jungkook’s phone brightens the calm darkness of the car.

Oh.

He takes it out, swearing.

I wish I was groaning for other reasons. Sweet, good reasons. Like Jungkook pushing my legs apart, settling between them, lowering to—

“What the fuck do you want, Tae?”

As I listen to my best friend’s voice through the phone, I push myself off Jungkook’s warm body, sliding onto the passenger’s seat, legs crossed.

God.

He looks at me with a questioning look, eyebrows furrowed, and face flushed. His lips are wet from the ministration of my hungry kisses and I instinctively bite mine.

Don’t think about Jungkook’s eating you out, don’t think about Jungkook’s eating you—

“No, we were–we were going home. Yeah, that can do. Don’t worry, give us a minute”

He sighs loudly when the call ends, throwing his head back.

The sight’s almost comical.

“I swear, I didn’t mean to answer. It’s just–the phone was vibrating against my dick and you, too, were very close to my dick and I- “

I interrupt him with a kiss. He melts into it instantly.

“One more,” he hums, “before turning up the engine? Please?”

I erupt into a quiet laugh, obliging.

(What am I gonna do, say no?)

“In case it wasn’t clear,” he rasps, eyes on the road to pick Tae up as he has probably now realised he’d been left all alone without a ride back, “I like you. Have been since managed to eat half a cake in a sitting. Or since you fell asleep on me while watching Princess Mononoke. Which, incidentally, I don’t condone.”

I hold in my breath. “Yeah?”

He waits, then offers his palm to me, “Yeah.”

I intertwine our fingers.

It’s all quiet. It’s all silent. Yet, all warm. A graceful wordless full minute that warms my heart and makes me think this is not real. This is not possible. I think, my mind says, hazed, replaying Jungkook’s kiss once or twice or thrice, this is not really happening.

Oh god. I point with my chin at the next stop. “Pull out for a minute. Just a minute.”

“Something’s wrong?”

When he does, I feel my body aching for him, alive, burning. I can’t believe this. I brush my lips against his, all swollen and tasting, despite everything, still like melon. “In case it wasn’t clear,” I say, softly, “I like you.”

“Yeah?”

I pull back. His nose is touching mine, our foreheads brushing. Jungkook chases me, cupping my cheek with his hand, tracing circles, and letting his tongue delve into my mouth.

“We gotta pick Tae up.”

“Right,” he says, not moving an inch, “Right.”

“I’m gonna trade picking up my best friend for a kiss. Or two.”

“Cockblocker,” Jungkook replies, nodding, “But deal. Wait, no. A kiss. Or two. Hundreds, of course. Along with making out in the car.”

“I’m always free to try your car with you, if I know what you mean, right?”

Jungkook groans. “Let me live.”

“Of course.” A kiss. “My best friend’s waiting.”

“You asked me to pull out.”

“You kissed me back.”

“Of fucking course, do I look dumb to you?”

((“I’m moving out”

These are the first words Jungkook hears on a fatal Thursday morning, hands holding onto the kitchen counter.

A mixed feeling paints his expression.

“I know we haven’t talked about this, but I think we both know that it’s the right thing to do,” I add, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, “I can’t stay here anymore.”

“Absolutely,” then he nods, slowly, “I’m moving out.”

“Thank god,” he murmurs, hands already cupping my face, “For all the sex we’ll be having.”

“Jungkook!”

“Think about the bed,” he says, smiling like the attractive idiot he is, “The couch. Because you’re getting a couch. Think about all the places Taehyung can’t reach. Baby.”

“Jerk,” I say, kissing him lightly on the mouth.

“I’m celebrating for you, you ungrateful, amazing ass. Think about how easy blowing me will be.”

“Oh my god.”

“Think about how easy it’ll be for me to eat you out.”

I throw my hands around his neck.

“Not complaining anymore, huh?”

“Ass.”

“You love me.”

“That I do, baby.”

That I do.))

#jungkook #bts #bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts fanficiton #bts fake texts #bts jungkook #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagine #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts scenario

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softjeon · 5 years

Text

Jamais Vu

• Pairing: CamBoy!Yoongi x Jungkook • Genre: Smut | CamBoy!AU • Words: 14k | AO3 • Disclaimer: /

written with @cassiavioletblue

↳ Part 1 of ‘Nuit Inoubliable’ in which you will follow three different stories about your favorite Cam!Boys and their unforgettable nights. → Jamais Vu » Triple Plaisir » Plaisir d'offrir

Jungkook bit his lip, shielding his eyes from the rain as he blinked up to read the name on the sign that was written in gold letters over the entrance. He got out a small piece of paper, where he had shakily written down the address and compared it once more. His heart did a somersault and picked up its pace. He quickly gulped down the nervousness, pulling his hood a little closer over his head to keep himself from getting drenched and walked closer. His hands were buried deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, the bag he carried filled with the stuff he needed for a one-night stay in a hotel. “Fuck,” Jungkook cursed silently, feeling himself hesitate to step in, his fist tightening around the piece of paper. He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes for a second and then opened the door.

It had only been a week ago when Jungkook had been just as nervous, but if one would ask him now he’d definitely say this was way worse than clicking on the ‘Apply’ Button and waiting for a response. It was one of those nights: darkened room, his roommate was out and only the flickering lights of his laptop was illuminating the scene. His eyes fixated on the man that moved absolutely beautifully as his hands gripped his own cock, jerking himself off in a live-cam.

Suga.

At least that was his artist name. Jungkook groaned, leaning his head back but quickly snapped back to not miss a thing from the cam. He could hear the man’s raspy voice. It was absolutely mad how he was turning Jungkook on just by what he said, riling him up so effectively that Jungkook had come so hard that night it only left him a shaky mess on his bed. He was breathing heavily, listening to his voice coming from his laptop with a faint, sated smile on his lips. Jungkook didn’t watch the screen anymore, just listening to Suga talking to the people that were chatting with him. Jungkook swore that it was better than any audiobook to fall asleep to, but something made him get up quickly instead of shutting his eyes this time.

“You guys want a partner show again?” Suga chuckled, successfully sending a shiver down Jungkook’s back by that sound alone. “You know you can apply right? Maybe I’ll chose one of you...do you want to be a moaning mess underneath me? Or do you want RM to come by?” The rest of what Suga said gotten lost because Jungkook had jumped up from his bed, cleaning himself up quickly and pulling his laptop on his lap again. And then he did it. Without thinking about it much further and only when he hit ‘send’ did he realize what he had done.

“Welcome to the ‘Nuit Inoubliable’ how can I help you?” The low voice shook him out of his flashback and Jungkook looked up at the receptionists. He was a young man, not much older than him, with dark brown hair and just as dark eyes that were staring straight back at him. A big boxy grin on his face. He narrowed his eyes a little, trying to read his name tag.

Kim Taehyung. Jungkook smiled at him, “Yeah, I...I got a room...on the name Jeon Jungkook?” While the receptionist was searching through his computer, Jungkook let his gaze wander over the lobby and the people around. The hotel was beautiful and modern, looking rather fancy and probably wouldn’t have been Jungkook’s first choice just because he couldn’t afford it. There were a few maids walking past them and people bringing their luggage up their rooms or leaving again. Jungkook’s gaze got stuck on a man at the other side of the lobby, who was leaning comfortably against the wall. His eyes wandered over the handsome man’s face and the way he stroke his hand through his hair, down to his tight jeans that were beautifully showing off his…

“Thighs,” Jungkook choked out quietly, completely in awe but then a young man cut the view from him, leaving him pouting. He watched how they engulfed each other in a hug and a sweet kiss, only to disappear together somewhere deep in the hotel’s hallway. That younger man seemed familiar, but Jungkook couldn’t put his finger on it. So, he returned his attention to the front desk and smiled, as if he hadn’t had a black out over a stranger’s thighs for a second, taking the key from him quickly. “Thank you.” Jungkook waved awkwardly and turned to find his room. He had to get himself ready.

...

Yoongi wasn’t really nervous, he had met too many partners before to really get nerves bit there was still a pleasant anticipation running through him. It was always exciting to meet up with someone you didn’t know yet but you could end up having sex with about half an hour later. It had been a while since he’s had a cam together with someone else but he liked to keep things interesting and every new person brought different vibes or talents to his job so he enjoyed it a lot.

He arrived a little early as he liked to observed when his ‘workdates’ come in, when they don’t know that he is there yet and are still their most true and honest selves. When he went up to the booth he normally used for meetups he saw that Jungkook had beaten him to it. He smiled. Someone must have had the same thought - or was a little too nervous for his own good and therefore over punctual.

Jungkook was biting his lip in an anxious matter, lacing his fingers together only to push them under his thighs seconds after. He leaned over to take in the straw, sipping on the coke as he looked over to the bar. There was the same boy again, the one from the reception. Apparently he was an all-around talent and now was helping out at the bar, throwing around bottles of alcohol as if it was nothing while pouring in drinks for the people around. Jungkook got out his phone to look at the time and sighed. He had been way too early, and it seemed like time was only slowing down instead of going faster, making him even more anxious. In a nervous habit he reached out for the little ‘reserved’ sign, playing around with it while watching the bar boy, whose name he remembered as Taehyung. He mindlessly tossed the little sign from one hand to the other, intrigued by the tricks Taehyung was doing – but because he was so nervous, Jungkook ended up throwing it a bit too far making it fall off the edge of the table and fall onto the ground with an awful loud sound. He apologized quietly (even though only a few turned their heads only to return their attention to their drinks) and reached down to grab the sign, when two pair of shoes stopped in front of his hand. Jungkook, halfway hanging over the edge of the booth seat, his head under the table, while his hand was holding onto the table to not fall over, slowly blinked up. With his doe-eyed look, he smiled up at the stranger, “I am sorry. I don’t think it’s broken but I will of course pay for it if I did.”

“That’s nice of you.” Yoongi grinned at the doe eyed beauty, “But I didn't came over because of the sign. I came here for you.” He sat down at the table to show that he wasn’t a waiter but the person Jungkook was supposed to meet. He could see the younger’s eyes widen when he realized that he was ‘Suga’. Of course he looked different when his body was hidden under clothes and his face visible, instead of the other way round. Though his masks were small they still helped a lot to hide his features. Also he changed his hair colors every once in a while, both for fun and anonymity.

“Oh,” Jungkook gulped, before flashing him a shy smile, “Hey.” Jungkook internally slapped himself on the forehead. Oh? Hey? That was it? That was all he could think about. But the moment Yoongi said in front of him, he couldn’t say more. His eyes scanned him fast, the soft cheeks and button nose, the dark orbs that were his eyes and staring straight back at him. “You’re pretty early,” And once again, Jungkook would have loved to just slap himself but instead reached for his drink to take a sip.

Yoongi chuckled. “Says the one who’s been sitting here before I even got there. What were you doing? Trying to get Tae’s attention? Or did you plan on learning to juggle?” Jungkook looked pretty nervous and now that he was closer to him he could see how soft his face was, how plush his lips. He looked pretty young. And stunningly beautiful. Of course he had seen a pic but he had thought that the other was just good at editing pictures or choosing filters. He was way too pretty to hide his face with a mask - and Yoongi felt strangely proud to know that if they clicked he would be the one who would get to see his face too on top of all the naked skin that would be shown on his cam. Maybe he should check the other’s ID first though, just to make sure.

“No, not really…I was just…nervous, a little.” He smiled, looking down at his hands to hide the light blush on his cheeks, “I hate not being on time and I couldn’t rest. It was only making me more nervous. Is it okay? I mean that I am nervous. Are other people nervous when they do this?” Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck shyly, “I’ve never done this and honestly, I didn’t think you’d take in my application anyway.”

Together with his boyish looks and cute shyness Jungkook’s statement had him listening up. “By ‘you’ve never done this’ do you mean sex or cams or hooking up with someone to be on a shared cam?” They had exchanged a few sentences via messenger but that was about it. You could lie way too easily when you were able to hide behind a laptop so he rather asked the real questions in person.

“Cams and hooking up,” Jungkook nodded. He wasn’t a virgin anymore, but neither did he have much experience. He was shy, not really out and partying a lot like his roommate did and therefore there were not really any opportunities to hook up. At college he just avoided everyone and quietly studied for himself, only hanging around his close friends. It had surprised himself even more when he just simply applied for a spot on Yoongi’s cam, but he had done it. ‘Suga’ felt more like someone he already knew than anyone he could meet in a bar and take home with for a one-night stand. Jungkook didn’t want that. But he had needs, too.

Yoongi nodded, relieved that the other hadn’t told him that he’s never had sex before. Although there was of course nothing wrong with it, it would have been totally inappropriate for his cam. He didn’t feel comfortable with taking on the responsibility to ‘deflower’ someone he had just met on tape. “Then it is totally fine to be nervous. Just so you know I only do live cams with people I know a little better so you don’t have to feel pressured. You have full control and if you are uncomfortable we can stop at any time. We can edit it later, cut out things that are too private or censor it if you curse too much or say something that would reveal your identity. This is just a test, on both sides. You will get paid of course. But the decision to post this online is something we can make after the session. Which means there is nothing you need to be afraid of. Or is there anything you are particularly nervous about? We can talk it out. There are no ‘wrong’ things to say or stupid questions.”

Jungkook listened attentively, sighing in relief when he heard that it would be pre-recorded instead of a live-cam. He wasn’t sure if he could have done that, though he really enjoyed them when Suga invited some of his friends and did partner shows. “Yeah, I guess…just are we going to…figure out what we do…ehm, before?” Jungkook started playing with the reserved sign again, before he noticed his habit and placed it aside, “Do you want me to tell you what I want? Or what I prefer? Do we just…” He licked his lips nervously, blinking at Yoongi, “I only see the videos when they are done. So, you can just…lead me through it I guess.”

Jungkook was absolutely adorable and Yoongi found his nervous habit utterly endearing. He smiled softly at him. “Of course we talk beforehand. Not that we make a plan and then follow it every little step but we will set basic rules and guidelines to go by. We’ll discuss what you are willing to do and what you don’t like and for safety I also like new boys to choose a safeword or go with the street light system. Even if we don’t do anything extreme you might get overwhelmed and telling me ‘no’ might feel like too much and then it’s easier to just say your word or tell me ‘red’. I won’t get angry at you or shame you into doing anything. That’s not how I work and I expect you do show me the same respect. My limits are my limits and if I tell you no then you are supposed to stop immediately. Also I’d like you to sign some papers for the company before we start. Don’t worry it’s by no means a contract, it just states that you are fine with the cams being taken and uploaded on the company page and other legal stuff like that you are supposed to keep my identity a secret - and other boys if you meet them on your way up and that you won’t tell anyone where the cams are being taken. It’s not a normal hotel it is owned by the company so no one can recognize the rooms unless you have been in here for a cam.”

“Sure, of course I’ll sign that,” Jungkook rolled his shoulders back and leaned back. The more he was talking to Suga, the more relaxed he felt. He seemed just as kind as he was in his videos. Jungkook had noticed it a couple of times – how caring he was about each and every boy that he filmed with. That he made sure that they felt comfortable.

He loved that about him.

And it made Jungkook feel safe.

“Great! If you don’t have any more basic questions then we can do the signing stuff at the reception and take the conversation upstairs. I feel like it’s more comfortable to take about sexual preferences and hard limits in private, don’t you think?” The ‘meeting in the restaurant’ was the first step of three and Jungkook had mastered it perfectly; he seemed nice, reliable and Yoongi had a good feeling about their cam. The next step would be talking about what they would do today on cam - but there had been only very few people that left or had to leave the room during this. And the last step was the actual filming. You could talk all you want there also needed to be a certain connection for it to look good on film. Yoongi couldn’t wait to see if they would have a connection on cam as well.

Jungkook followed Yoongi to the reception quietly, taking the few papers for the contract as soon as they were pushed towards him. He read through them thoroughly, while Yoongi was talking to the receptionist, getting the key to his room. Jungkook had to concentrate, trying not to listen in on what they were saying. He loved Suga’s voice. He always had. And it was ten times better to hear him in real life. And so surreal at the same time. “Okay, done,” Jungkook said with a smile and gave the contract back to the receptionist.

“Perfect. Then let’s go.” Yoongi reached out his hand for Jungkook to take. He wanted to initiate some casual physical contact for Jungkook to get used to him and to feel a bit more relaxed. When the other shyly took it he guided him along, up the broad main stairs with the thick red carpet which led to the first floor. There the carpet was more simple and it was mainly small visitor rooms for people who stayed overnight or storage room for equipment. And above that on the second floor were the cam rooms. He could practically feel Jungkook shaking from anticipation when they stopped in front of Yoongi’s room.

Jungkook jerked a little when there was a beep sound coming from the door when the card slid through the safety, the small lights lighting up green when Yoongi opened it. It wasn’t a loud sound, but it had startled him nonetheless. The moment they stepped in, Jungkook stood in awe. He could see the main room from here, where there was the bed, the couch and everything he had seen before in videos. Yoongi pulled him in a little further and where normally he let go of the boys’ hands, he could feel how Jungkook only tightened their hold as he gazed around. They passed a rather large bathroom (in comparison to his hotel room sized one) and another room, which looked like a small office. “Do you edit your videos yourself? That’s so cool. I actually study Visual & Media Arts and I love editing. If you ever need help-,” Jungkook giggled softly and turned to Yoongi, who had dragged him, further into the main room and away from his more private sections. For a moment he completely forgot about that he was about do porn. With a stranger, a cam star. Someone he only knew from his shows - which he paid for. And it only came back to him, when he saw the cameras on the table.

“Oh, that‘s good to know. We could definitely about the editing afterwards then. If you choose to stay.” There were some who got overwhelmed by the whole experience and needed some time for themselves while others preferred to stay and ease out of it and he wasn‘t sure which type Jungkook was. He secretly hoped it was the latter because he loved staying in bed for a little longer after the cameras had been disconnected, to just bask in the warmth and intimacy and connectedness you could feel right after. And Jungkook’s hair looked like it would be really nice to brush it.

“Do you want to sit on the bed to talk? Get a little more comfortable?” It would be easier to go from talking to kissing if they were already relaxed and right where they were supposed to be. It also helped to ignore the cameras if they had been around them the whole time rather than seeing them for the first time when they would start with their „compatibility test“. Yoongi got out of his jacket and put it aside, leaving him in a thin white shirt and a pair of comfortable jeans that were soft enough to sit crossed legged on the bed with them.

Jungkook was staring at Yoongi for a second too long, quickly realizing that his eyes had been fixated on the others chest, waist and then his hands. He always had loved Suga’s hands. They were the most beautiful one’s he had ever seen and he never had wanted to let go off them, but seeing him in that thin shirt now was definitely worth it. It was perfectly outlining his body. Yoongi was a bit smaller than him, but Jungkook didn’t mind. There was something about him that had always intrigued him, maybe his hands, or his voice or a combination of both and the way he always treated his partners as well as his own body. The porn Yoongi did was different from anything else you could find. It was intimate, personal and one could see how much Yoongi cared for each individual partner. When they asked them to kiss them, or soothe them, he was always right there. Jungkook loved that, it was something he wished for himself and knew he couldn’t find in any other stranger. He was too shy for flirting, leaving him be a stuttering mess all the time and Jungkook rather stayed home, working on his videos than going out to party. He could feel the excitement pool in the pit of his stomach, mixing with the anticipation and nervousness.

Jungkook got rid of his jacket, pulling at his oversized sweatshirt nervously, that perfectly hid his own body and sat down next to Yoongi. He mimicked him, pulling in his legs. “You’re really handsome, Suga. I mean...I....knew you must be, but...without the mask you’re way prettier,” Jungkook mumbled shyly, the blush creeping up his cheeks and down his chest making him awfully hot, “I’m sorry. That just...came out of me. I mean it though. You are. I’m awful at flirting.” Jungkook hid his face behind his hands for a moment. “Probably one of the reasons why I did this. Me being bad at flirting,” Jungkook added and shrugged his shoulders, “Jimin told me about you guys. He’s done it before, but not with you. And...I actually am not subscribed to the others. Only to you. There’s just something about your videos…” The younger one bit his lip, keeping himself from babbling even more, trying not to give in to the urge to hide in shame.

Yoongi couldn't help but smile fondly. Jungkook was adorable and the longer they talked the more he liked him. He got a little closer so that he could take Jungkook's hand again as it had visibly calmed the younger before. “It's alright. I won't judge, you can talk openly. I'd rather have you being honest and open with a little awkwardness - which is quite endearing by the way - than someone giving me perfect socially expected phrases with no meaning behind them. I like you. Not despite your little nervous habits and shyness but because of them. You're cute. And it's just human to be nervous.“ His smile turned a little more daring as he started to trail his fingers up the inside of Jungkook's wrist and arm. “I'm flattered that I'm the only one you've been watching. Did you see anything that you liked in particular? Something you want me to do with you?”

Jungkook shivered, feeling the light touches of Yoongi sending sparks up his spine. “I…I mean, yeah. I guess. I don’t know. I like your hands...a lot,” Jungkook confessed and chuckled nervously, “Anything you do with them and your voice. When you whisper…” The younger blinked up at Yoongi, “It’s probably not the information you needed, ehm…,” He rubbed the back of his neck, before adding quietly, “You can be a little rougher to me. I am not sure about toys or anything alike...I don’t have much experience...but I like to be manhandled.” Jungkook blushed heavily.

“Oh.” That was a little surprising. With Jungkook's shyness and soft eyes he had thought that he would ask for something gentle - or maybe even compensate for his inexperience with dominance. So rough sex just with their roles reversed. It intrigued him, the way the younger talked about him and asked for something with that beautiful blush adorning his cheeks. “I can do that. Within reason of course. I'd like to be a little more careful with our first time. But if we both like it and you really enjoy it then I can get rougher as we go along.” He dropped his voice a little, making sure it was the kind of husky rasp Jungkook would enjoy “Let's see how you'll handle it when I'm having you on my terms.”

Jungkook was internally key smashing the moment Yoongi dropped his voice. He knew he was doing it on purpose and still it went right through his groin.

“Yes, of course. I’m not even sure what I like, yet. I’ve seen things you did that I loved. But seeing them and then actually doing them is still different, so I’d like that. We could go for just what feels right to us.” Jungkook nodded, shifting a little closer to Yoongi. “But I know I have limits. I don’t want to be choked, or anything too restraining. I don’t like getting degraded in any way.” He said, trying to sound as confident as he could, “People quickly assume that I am more the dominant part, because of my appearance, but...but I think I’m not I…never had anyone really to try it with me. But I’ve seen the way you are with your partners. I’d love to try it out. I like to be exhausted and pushed to my limits. In a safe way.” The blush on his cheeks turned even darker, “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is. Everything that we are both comfortable with is fine.” He wondered why the younger was so shy considering he had no obvious reason to be. He was extremely beautiful, fit, knew Jimin which meant he wasn’t completely secluded and was studying something he seemed to have a passion for... Yoongi would have loved to get more insight in Jungkook’s life. But he figured he could wait till after the sex when People tended to get more open. “No degradation, got it.” He was absolutely fine with that as he didn’t enjoy it himself and only did it when his partner was really, really into it.

“How about pet names then? Sweet stuff I could call you if I think you’ve been good for me.” He cocked his head a little, watching Jungkooks face closely. The way Jungkook described his idea of their encounter and himself in general made Yoongi feel like the younger was a perfectionist who wanted to be ‘good’ in every way. He was young but already so tense that he would probably enjoy it if someone made him feel like it was okay to let go and let someone else take over whatever burden he carried. No responsibility on his side, no worries or overthinking. Just pleasure. And the way he always checked to make sure he didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ gave Yoongi the idea to push it a little further. “Do you like being called baby? Or maybe even baby boy?” His voice was calm and collected, his face showing nothing but curiosity. He didn’t want Jungkook’s shyness keep him from something he wanted.

Jungkook giggled softly as an answer, “Yeah, I do actually. I like it more than anything else.” He brushed a hand through his already messy hair, “I think if you ever whisper that into my ear it would be the death of me.” He smiled genuinely, lacing their fingers together again, “Is there anything I need to be aware of? Any boundaries? I want you to feel good, too.”

“We’ll see.” At Jungkook's cute giggle he had a hard time to not try and do it right away just to see the other shiver. Jungkook’s eyes had darkened a little just from talking about what was about to come alone and it was the cutest thing ever. “Don’t worry, I’ve done a lot of things so as long as you treat me like a decent person I should be fine. I don’t like to be hit though I can handle it if you scratch my back. Don’t spit at me or do anything that would hurt me in a long term sense. I don’t think that’s what you’re into anyways so as I said; treat me properly and it’ll be fine. Also I don’t have a problem to tell you if I don’t like something during sex so if we run into something despite our precautions then I’ll just tell you and we can make sure it doesn’t happen again. Ah, yes, one thing: Please don’t run away. If you get cold feet or get embarrassed or feel like you need to get out of here please just tell me. I’ve had someone run out on me once and it’s really shitty to be left alone without a word. So please don’t do that. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want and I can give you room and space to breathe. Just talk to me. We can figure everything out. Together.”

“You really care about the people,” Jungkook cocked his head to the side, “I like that…actually, I always liked that. You can feel and see it in your videos. I think that’s why so many people want to apply for you. I’ve seen so many on your twitter and…” Jungkook smiled, “I don’t know why but…still you chose me,” He leaned in a little closer, “I won’t run away, I promise.”

“Yeah, I do. Sex is always about trust in a way, even if you like it rough and are trying to get quick, mindless pleasure you still have to make yourself vulnerable in a way. So I want my partners to know that I’ll catch them - and in exchange I can trust them as well. Also it’s just easier and more enjoyable if you are open with each other. It minimises unpleasant surprises and the negative kind of awkwardness. So it’s best for anyone involved if you are attentive.” He smiled encouragingly at the other. “Oh I don’t know why I chose you either - until now. It was just a feeling and I have learned to trust my gut in this. And now after I met you I’m a hundred percent sure I made the right choice. We will work great together.” As a demonstration he leaned into Jungkook, hesitating for a split second for Jungkook to pull back if he wanted. But the younger stayed, no flinching, no tensing up. He trusted him. As soon as he had reassured himself of this he closed the last bit of distance between them, covering Jungkook’s lips with his. It was a gentle kiss, soft and warm and definitely too chaste for the camera. It wasn’t meant for watchers though but solely for Jungkook. The younger’s lips were deliciously plush and warm and Yoongi enjoyed kissing him. It felt natural, their mouths fitting together easily and with a gentle touch on Jungkook’s neck he pulled the other closer, deepening the kiss, just the tiniest bit.

Jungkook melted into Yoongi easily, his hands wandering up his chest when he pulled him in. The younger took it as an invitation to come even closer and place himself on his lap, while his lips weren’t separating from his once. Right now, Jungkook could forget about the whole ‘porn’ thing again. It was just him. And Yoongi. He sighed softly into the kiss, wrapping his arm a little closer around his shoulders, while mindlessly letting his hand rake through Yoongi’s hair.

Yoongi liked how responsive the younger was and how easily he had decided to let him in. It felt good to have Jungkook in his arms and so he closed them around the other, gasping in surprise when he felt how tiny the younger’s waist was. In the oversized sweater with the long sleeves he had looked bigger than he apparently was.

“Woah, you’re tiny!” When Jungkook blinked in doe eyed confusion at him he chuckled. “I mean your waist. You honestly feel like a perfect camboy because it’ll make it really easy for me to hold you close. And it will look good in the video if you have a defined body. It’s all about angles.” He kissed Jungkook again, quick and sweet because he knew he had to let go of him for a little while. “I guess you should get ready now. I’ll show you the shower and when you come out I’ll be waiting for you here on the bed.”

Jungkook only hesitantly got up from his lap, a soft blush on his cheeks when Yoongi had so bluntly talked about his waist. He reached for his hand, pulling him up from the bed and let Yoongi show him the bathroom and the towel he had prepared for him. Only minutes later Jungkook stepped under the shower, letting the hot water run over his body to relax his nerves. He was starting to get nervous now, his heart picking up it’s pace, while he cleaned himself thoroughly and dried himself up after. Jungkook had wrapped the towel around his body and blow dried his hair (it wasn’t supposed to look like he just jumped out of the shower), before checking himself in the mirror. He could hear Yoongi roaming around in the room, probably setting up everything and it was making his heart jump. He was about to do porn. Real porn.

“Oh fuck,” Jungkook cursed to himself quietly, trying to ignore the lump in his throat and took a deep breath. But before he got out of the bathroom, he let his towel fall to the ground.

He wouldn’t need that anymore.

Yoongi had been getting everything ready, rearranging the cameras, placing the remote within reach on the bed, fluffing up the pillows. Just when he placed the lube and condoms onto the bedside table did he hear the door opening and turned around. His jaw dropped. His shy new partner was completely naked. And he was absolutely stunning. It was obvious that he worked out a lot but it wasn't just that. His soft look and boyish expression together with his sharp angles made for an amazing contrast. His skin looked to die for, showing off honey undertones and a softness that Yoongi knew felt amazing under his touch. His tiny waist would be perfect for holding him in place or just hug him close and his hips... they were deliciously narrow, just how he liked it. He wanted to see Jungkook kneel, just once, to see if those muscular thighs could get any more tempting.

“Damn, you really are a sight!” The compliment came over his lips before he could stop himself so he quickly added, “I mean I like you that’s why I asked you to stay. It definitely won’t hurt that you look like my secret wet dreams personified though because you’ll get me hard in no time just by looking at you. Makes it easier you know.” He playfully winked at him.

The blush on Jungkook’s cheek reached down all the way to his chest, fumbling around with his hands nervously and averting his gaze. “Thank you,” He said quietly and walked over to Yoongi. “I can give that compliment right back to you,” His hands pulled at the hem of Yoongi’s shirt, “Although I saw it a couple of times before. I bet it’s different to touch you. Let me, please.”

“Sure. It’s all yours.” He quickly pulled the shirt over his head so Jungkook could touch him for real, taking it as an invitation to reach out for the younger in return. Jungkook had taken a warm shower so his skin was pleasantly warmed up and Yoongi kissed his shoulder because he just couldn’t hold himself back. “Okay, how do you want to do this?” They hadn’t talked about their position yet - and simply thinking about the many ways he could have that beautiful boy in front of him spiked up his heart rate. It sent a shiver down his spine and Jungkook let his hands wander over Yoongi’s soft skin and down his shoulders and back, stepping even closer. He nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck, kissing him there softly, “However you like. Just keep me close, because I like this.”

He really did.

The way Yoongi felt in his hold, his sweet, musky smell. He felt not even one bit like a stranger and it was easy to forget about the cameras Yoongi had put up, when Jungkook could stare into the dark orbs that were his eyes to feel safe again.

Yoongi bit his lip, contemplating for a bit before suggesting: „You should definitely ride me some time as you have the thighs for it and it would be an amazing view – but we should keep that for a later cam. I guess it would be easier for you if I take control in this? Don‘t worry, we‘ll do something where I can see your face.“ He was an attentive partner so he would see it immediately if Jungkook would get overwhelmed or uncomfortable in case the younger couldn‘t really voice it himself.

„I was thinking we stick to the basics first so maybe you on your back? Depending on how flexible you are we can change the angle and see how deep you like it.“ Sinking deep into that beautiful body would be heaven „Or if you‘re really up for the intimate stuff right away I could take you on your side. It would be great for neck kisses and I could hug you if you like that. I could touch you a lot.“ He would definitely enjoy that too.

“All of that sounds good,” Jungkook giggled, hiding his face a little more because this way it was easier to talk about something so intimate with him. He began kissing Yoongi’s neck again, pushing his lips softly against his skin, licking and biting him there lightly as he moved up his jawline and towards his lips. Then he leaned in again, kissing him more passionate this time, pressing his body flush against him, while his hands were exploring Yoongi’s body.

Yoongi had barely time to catch his breath before the younger downright went for it. If Jungkook knew that neck kisses had him weak from his previous performances in the website or if he had just guessed correctly he had no idea. Nonetheless it had a strong effect on him as his knees practically buckled and he landed on the bed. He tried to defend his own ego by telling him that Jungkook was heavier than him and therefore could have easily pushed him down but honestly the over enthusiastic way Jungkook latched onto him as if Yoongi was the sweetest treat to devour had him breathless. He tried really hard to keep his mind in the game and not drown in Jungkook’s sweetness. There was one question he hadn’t asked yet, then he would start the cams right after.

„Wait, Kook – baby, just a sec,“ Being that excited could mean that he was also easy to overexcited. Some of his former partners had been so quickly to rile up on their first time with him that it had helped to get them off first and start with the main part later. „How.. how‘s your refractory period? Can you come twice or do you get oversensitive quickly? Cause if you think that you‘ll come too quickly like this I could get you off before we start the cameras. Or you could show me what you like while you do it yourself, whatever you prefer.“ He wouldn‘t lie, getting his own private show from Jungkook sounded promising. Though the younger would probably die from embarrassment - and it also was a pity that he would need to keep his hands to himself then. „Do you want me to blow you?“

“I can come twice, don’t worry.” Jungkook just kept on kissing Yoongi in between the words, in no way wanting to separate from his lips. “If you keep calling me baby, I might come a third time.” He giggled softly, pushing Yoongi back onto the bed to lay down to attack his neck once more. Jungkook sucked on Yoongi’s neck lightly, kissing his way up to his lips, when his eyes fell onto the masks that were lying on the nightstand. His heart skipped a beat and the nervousness rushed back into his veins, making him shiver. “Will you put it on me, please?” Jungkook mumbled in between kisses, rather wanting to keep on devouring Yoongi than thinking about anything else, but he wanted to keep his privacy.

“Yeah, get over here.” He reached for the remote and pushed the buttons to activate the camera, almost losing the remote because he was simultaneously trying to reach the masks. He would cut out the part at the beginning with their faces during editing. He placed the mask against Jungkook’s cheekbones, sighing as it covered up half of his face. “Such a pity. You’ve got such a pretty face. At least I can still see your eyes. And kiss your lips.” He nipped at Jungkook’s bottom lip, just for a second to tease him before he tied the velveteen ribbon at the back of the younger’s head into a small bow. As he had his hands in Jungkook’s hair anyway he brushed his fingers through the isilky strand, scraping his nails gently along the boy’s scalp. Damn he was already enthralled by him.

Jungkook took the mask Yoongi usually wore from him and placed it on his face gently. “Well, it’s a pity now that I’ve seen how handsome you really are.” He whispered and tied it, before he let his hands fall down to his neck, his gaze wandering over his beautiful features. His fingers were drawing soft little patterns into Yoongi’s skin, as he shifted on his lap nervously, feeling the fabric of his pants that he still wore against his own naked skin. Jungkook leaned in, his voice turning into a whisper, “I…I am still nervous.”

Yoongi tightened the ribbon on his own head as Jungkook had tied it a little too loose, probably scared to hurt him before leaning in and whispering right into Jungkook’s ear, “And I still find it cute. You don’t have to be though. If you don’t want the video to be uploaded after you can still get paid - and I can keep it for my own private collection, filed under ‘the sweetest babyboy I fucked so good he almost cried’.”

An involuntarily whimper escaped Jungkook and he had to bite his lip to keep from making any sounds. Yoongi’s deep voice was sending a shiver down his spine and he held on a little tighter to his shoulders. So, Jungkook took another deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. “I want that,” He whispered back, placing a kiss right at the pulse point on Yoongi’s neck, “I really do.”

“And you’ll get it. Anything you want. Cause I’ve got anything I can dream of right now too, a beautiful boy, naked on top of me, willing to let me have him, ready to be taken apart…,” He turned them over, switching positions so that Jungkook was on his back, “Although I think I like you even better like this, on your back, looking up at me with those dark, pretty eyes…”

He stole another kiss from him before linking hands and placing Jungkook’s arms above the others head. He didn’t really restrain him or hold him by his wrist, he just kept their fingers linked and marvelled at all the expanse of skin and muscles that were yet to be explored by him. “Would you mind if I got to know your body a little better?” Exploring Jungkook with his mouth would be fun because he was pretty certain that Kook was sensitive enough to twitch if he attack his weak spots with his tongue.

“It’s yours for the night,” Jungkook answered in a husky voice, his eyes following Yoongi’s every movement. They kissed again, hungrily exploring each other’s mouth, before he dipped deeper and down his neck, leaving Jungkook panting way too easily. There was something about the way Yoongi was kissing him, that absolutely drove Jungkook mad and he couldn’t get enough of it. Yoongi’s hands slowly let go off his, caressing down his wrists as he wandered down his neck towards his chest, sending shivers throughout his whole body. “Mhm, I like the sound of that..” Yoongi hummed contently, looking up at Jungkook through his lashes before giving him a seductive smirk, “And I also like your taste.” He teased Jungkook’s nipple with the tip of his tongue, wetting it slightly and when the younger’s breath visibly stuttered he knew he was on the right track. He switched sides, using his free hand to rub the one that he had already teased while he started to nibble on the other one. He wasn’t lying, he liked the silky texture of Jungkook’s skin against his tongue.

If it would be solely his call he could do this all night.

Jungkook was writhing underneath Yoongi’s touch. He couldn’t help it, he had always been awfully sensitive on his nipples and he had found his weak spot right away. Jungkook let out a soft moan, brushing through Yoongi’s hair. He could feel himself harden from Yoongi’s teasing alone, making him close his eyes and bite his lip to keep from moaning too much already. Yoongi dragged his thumb over Jungkook’s bottom lip to open up the other’s mouth. It was red and swollen from where Jungkook had bit down on it which made it look even more dirty. He dipped into the the sweet mouth that he would claim again later after he was finished with his current project (aka get Jungkook hard) keeping him effectively from hiding his moans. “Don’t do that baby. I wanna hear it when I drive you crazy.” A sharp nip on his nipple underline the statement. However he showed some mercy after, soothing over it once more before kissing down further. There was enough time and room to rile the other up further downwards.

“O-okay,” Jungkook mumbled, watching Yoongi closely as he dipped down. His nervousness mixing blissfully with the anticipation, leaving him a shivering mess. But before Yoongi could kiss down his hip bone, Jungkook propped himself up on his elbows, “C-can you still hold my hand…if you…I mean…”

“You want me too..?” Yoongi startled at the request but when he realized that Jungkook was serious he wordlessly reached out for him, intertwining their fingers like they had done before. It seemed to be Jungkook’s safety net, to have something to hold onto. And it was also a nice way for Yoongi to get feedback while his eyes would be closed: If Jungkook held onto his hand tighter it would mean that he had upped tension enough for the younger to need an outlet. He didn’t go there immediately though, taking his sweet time to nib a soft love bite into the delicate skin above the boy’s hip. Then he slid his palm up along his thigh, feeling it up before nudging it to the side.

“Open up, sweety. Let’s get to where you want to feel me most.”

Jungkook felt a lot better, more relaxed now holding onto Yoongi’s hand. He leaned back again, teeth pulling at his bottom lip as he opened up his legs for him to get in between. Yoongi was slowly kissing down his thigh, taking his sweet time, never letting go off his hand once. He was really thankful for it, that he hadn’t really questioned it but just did what felt good to him. Jungkook smiled, reaching out for Yoongi to cup his cheek. The other turned to him a little confused, but Jungkook simply leaned over and placed a kiss on his lip, a quiet thank you, and then laid back again fully relaxed, spreading his legs a little more to show off his flexibility.

The way Jungkook easily opened up for Yoongi told him that would be able to take him comfortably on his back if they chose to switch to this position later. Still he wanted to enter him on his side, sweet and intimate. But first he needed to get him hard and aching so that Jungkook’s attention would be elsewhere while he prepped him. Without warning he pressed a kiss against the younger’s cock and smirked when he could feel Jungkook’s abs clenching hard. Yoongi had been told before that he was pretty good with his tongue and he used his skills to his full advantage while he got Jungkook fully hard, teasing the vein at the underside that he knew was sensitive, licking over the tip to make Jungkook’s breath stutter just to finally get him fully into his mouth. He had no problem with going down on him quick and dirty and although Jungkook must know it from watching his cams he definitely wasn’t prepared for how it would feel to have his mouth around him. It had him choke out a moan loudly as he arched his back. “F-fuck,” Jungkook cursed, gripping the bed sheets tight while with the other he was holding onto Yoongi’s. Yoongi’s skillful mouth left Jungkook gasping and whimpering in a matter of seconds. It felt absolutely dirty and he loved it, the way Yoongi was bobbing on his cock, his eyes locking with his own and Jungkook could see the smirk on his lips when he kissed the tip again, only to take him deep moments after. “S-suga, please…”

He pulled off with a pop, knowing that this was not what Jungkook had wanted just to ask him sweetly “Yes? Tell me what you are pleading for, pretty. Do you want me to take your cock back into my mouth, is that it? Or do you need something else?” While he let Jungkook time to decide he trailed his finger along the younger’s cock who stood proud and hard by now, rubbing gently along his ball and then lower, to get a feel of how sensitive the younger would be.

Jungkook twitched nervously, his blushed chest heaving heavily as he tried to think of an answer. “I…yes, please. I want you, please. Touch me.” He was pleading quietly, moaning when he was gently massaging his balls to tease him more, making Jungkook open up his legs a little wider. “Please. I want you so bad.”

“Touch you, hm?” He prodded against Jungkook’s hole, teasing the rim until the younger’s muscles clenched again. “You mean here?” He could have drawn it out a little longer but they were both turned on and ready to go for it so he decided to take it a step further and reached for the lube, squishing out a small amount that he could easily warm up before putting his fingers back where Jungkook wanted them. “Relax for me, please.” He warned him but instead of pushing in right away he just started massaging him a little more intensely, making sure the boy was used to his fingers and the way the rubbed against his skin, the easy slide over his perineum and around his balls and over everything else that had Jungkook restlessly moving against him.

Jungkook slowly turned it into sensual movements, circulating his hips against Yoongi’s fingers, sweet little moans escaping him whenever he was close enough but still too far away from working up Jungkook for real. The younger had reached for Yoongi’s hand the moment he wrapped it around his waist, pulling him in a little more while he was brushing against his rim with the other. He just needed it to ground himself and to feel the connection even more.

“Yes, there, please.”

When he deemed Jungkook ready he took a little more form the lube to make it wet and easy and then slowly pushed past the resistance of Jungkook’s muscles. While he kept still inside of him, giving Kook time to adjust he massaged soothing circles into his skin with the other around his waist. It didn’t take long for Jungkook to start moving his hips again and Yoongi took it as an invitation to add a second finger. He managed it easily and decided to start stretching the younger out, moving his fingers slow and deep in a pace that matched the sways of Kookie’s hips. He was about to ask if he still felt good when he stroked along the younger’s sweet point and a whole body shudder through him. “Oh. I guess I found what I’ve been looking for,“ He commented dryly and repeated the motion just to watch Jungkook shudder again.

There was pure ecstasy rushing through his veins, making him feel dizzy and Jungkook gripped Yoongi’s hand tighter. It felt so good to be touched like that, to have someone adore his body like that and that feeling alone made him shiver. “Suga, please, please…I just want you.” He cried out, arching his back off the mattress, when he rubbed against his walls so sweetly, stretching him out so well, like no one had ever done it before. Jungkook pulled at Yoongi’s hand desperately, wanting him to be back over him, kiss him and make him his for the night.

“You’re so pretty like this, all open and ready for me.” Yoongi absolutely wanted to give in to Jungkook’s pleas because every gasp and sigh the younger made heated him further up and it had gotten quite uncomfortable to still wear his pants.

Nonetheless he had no idea when he would see Jungkook like this again so he wanted to make the most of it. He kept his finger’s inside him, stroking and teasing him mercilessly before sinking back down on his cock, swallowing him whole in one single motion. Jungkook’s hips bucked and he couldn’t quite keep them down so he was forced to take Kook even deeper, swallowing reflexively around him and trying to breath evenly as best as he could. He was glad that he had practise with this or else he might have choked on the younger’s cock, embarrassing himself and driving Jungkook even more crazy than he must already feel. Jungkook let out a pathetic whimper, feeling Yoongi’s hot wet mouth around his cock was just heaven. “Fuck, please, Suga,” He moaned, letting his hips fall and Yoongi off his cock, who wiped over his mouth as if Jungkook had been the most delicious snack he had tasted. Jungkook could feel how Yoongi pulled his fingers out of him, wiping them clean at the sheet as a smirk placed itself on his lips.

The younger blinked up at him, watching his every move as he got up from the bed and unbuttoned his pants. Gulping heavily, Jungkook’s eyes flickered down to his pants and how easily Yoongi let them fall and with them his boxers. Jungkook dragged his thumb across his lip, shifting nervously on the bed when he could feel the mattress dip again.

“Are you getting nervous again, babyboy?” He positioned himself behind Jungkook while he put on the condom. A low moan escaped him when he rolled it on, jerking himself off once or twice to give his neglected erection a tiny bit of attention before he would focus on Jungkook again. It was easy to turn the younger onto his side as he went willingly however Yoongi arranged him. “That’s my boy. Don’t stress yourself, you’ll feel so good with my cock inside you. I’m gonna make you feel every slide, every thrust. You are so pretty when you shiver so I’ll make sure to abuse your sweet spot as much as I can. You’ll come so hard, baby, you might take me with you over the edge. I love it when pretty little boys tighten around my cock right before they come. And you’re gonna be tight, aren’t you?” All his dirty talk showed that he was pretty excited himself but in contrast to Jungkook nothing of it was visible on his face. He hiked up Jungkook’s leg a little more so that he could nudge his cock against Kook’s entrance, sliding past it once just to tease him and get him a little more desperate before he couldn’t take the tension any longer himself. WIth a satisfied sigh he pushed in, slow and deep. The arm around Kook’s waist kept the younger in place, flush against Yoongi’s body so that he could feel every twitch and shudder as if it was his own.

In this position Jungkook was looking right at one of the cameras, but the sudden anxiousness was just as quickly gone as it came, when Yoongi pushed into him. It left him completely speechless. “Ah, Suga,“ Jungkook moaned out blissfully, his thighs shaking as he was getting used to the sudden fullness. He turned his head, to avoid the camera but also to kiss Yoongi again. He pulled him in by the back of his neck, feeling his hot breath fan over his lips as he began to move his hips, pushing even deeper into Jungkook, “Yes, so tight fo-for you.“ Yoongi kissed the words right from Jungkook’s lips with open mouthed kisses. He could feel Jungkook’s abs clench everytime did something as simple as shift and so he gently caressed over his front in a soothing gesture.

“Relax, pretty. I’ve got you. Just.. just let go. I’ll take care of your needs.” He kept his pace sensually slow while concentrating on relaxing Jungkook instead. When he placed his hand over Kook’s chest he could feel how hard and quick the other’s heart was beating against his palm, almost as if he was scared but his stuttered breaths and little gasps spoke a different language. Gently he caressed the free side of Kook’s neck, nipping at his jaw and kissing bruises into the soft skin below his ear until he could feel the tension seep out of ihm. “It feels so right to hold you in my arms. Like you belong there.” His whisper held a little too much truth for his liking and yet he couldn't help but confess. The younger whimpered quietly as an answer, pushing his ass back to meet Yoongi’s eagerly. The words soothing and urging him on at the same time. He was putty in his hands, absolutely pliant from the first touch - this is how good he was, Jungkook thought to himself, smiling against the open mouthed kisses. “M-more please,” Jungkook blinked his eyes open, gazing at Yoongi through the masks while he was pleading in pout, “I really want more.”

The little pout on Jungkook's lips had him looking so cute that Yoongi might have cooed over him if he wasn't just buried inside his sweet ass to the hilt. “More? Already? You're a greedy little thing aren't you?” He gripped Jungkook's cock tightly and jerked him once, just to have him gasping for him (because that pout might be his downfall) before he gave into the youngers request. With a steady hand on his hips he pulled Kook back against him as he started to push into him harder.

Jungkook cried out in pleasure, leaning his head back against Yoongi’s shoulders, giving him even more access to kiss and bite his beautiful skin there. He fitted perfectly into his hold, moving against his thrusts in eagerness, while he tried to hold onto Yoongi desperately, the harder he was pushing back into him. Jungkook closed his eyes, letting go of everything else and completely let Yoongi take over. He hooked up his leg a little, spreading his thighs so he could reach even deeper. Jungkook wanted Yoongi to feel good, to remember this and not just because of the videotape. He wanted Yoongi to think about how he felt, how tight and how eager he was to please him. His hands wandered over to Yoongi’s back, squeezing his bottom there lightly and urging him on to take him even harder.

“You’re perfect, baby boy.”

It felt right to praise him already because Jungkook was a real pleasure to shoot with. Despite this being his first time being filmed he didn't try to hide or be a certain way for the camera, he just trusted him to do this right and showed all of his charms naturally. Yoongi could feel the desire run down his spine like molten heat the harder he pushed into the youngers sweet body, being rewarded with a little gasp or desperate whine whenever he moved just right. He was glad that Kook was flexible enough to turn a little so that they could still kiss and Yoongi made use of this, plundering the youngers mouth while fucking him good and hard.

Jungkook smiled, a blush appearing on his cheeks. “O-only for you,” He mumbled into a kiss, reaching behind him so he could brush a hand through Yoongi’s hair. “Take me however you like, please. It feels so good.” Jungkook started circulating his hips a little, moving sensually against Yoongi. He let his hand fall down again, searching for Yoongi’s who was holding onto his waist, “I can take more, please, Suga, please.”

“You really want me to have you how I want?” His voice was daring, raspy but it was also a honest question for consent, “Because then I’m gonna keep you in place and fuck you hard while jerking you off. You would come in minutes and I’d have you ride out your orgasm on my cock before I pull out.” He nipped at Jungkook’s skin again, the spot at his neck where Jungkook would have beautifully blooming bruises later. He just couldn’t get enough of the boys silky skin. “And then I’d push you on your back where you can just lay back, all blissed out and I’d have you hard again until I come deep inside of you. You want me to take you like this?”

His answer was a whimper, a sweet sound that made Yoongi shiver. “Please, yes,” Jungkook added and sealed it with a deep kiss, not being able to get enough of him. Yoongi tasted like the sweetest treat to him, like honey and his voice was so rough from fucking him that it was turning Jungkook on even more. He wanted this. More than he’d like to admit and he didn’t even care about the millions of people that would be watching it later on. He would be one of them. He wanted to savor it forever.

“Take me apart, Suga.” Jungkook blinked up at him, feeling Yoongi’s rhythm falter for a second, slowing down before he would give it to him right, “I still want to feel you tomorrow.”

“Oh you will, Babyboy. I’ll make sure of that.” WIth Jungkook’s okay he didn’t try to hold back his strength any longer, using what his body had left to give it to him hard. Jungkook’s body was shaking with every thrust and just when he could feel that he had found the right angle to make Jungkook’s knees weak he held him there mercilessly. There was no way to get rid of the tension or ease off the intensity of the pleasure as he hit Jungkook’s sweet spot dead on. He could feel it in the tremble of Jungkook’s thighs and the hitch of the younger’s breath that he was utterly lost in this. If Yoongi hadn’t held him in place so tightly Jungkook would have collapsed from the onslaught of pleasure.

Jungkook was grabbing the sheets tightly, trying to hold onto anything that gave him some kind of leverage. He reached out for Yoongi, pushing himself closer to the other, while he was abusing his spot over and over again, making Jungkook go crazy with the pleasure that was rippling through his body. He cried out his name, breathy little whimpers escaping him as he jerked forward with every deep thrust. It was exactly what he needed to let go.

Leaning his head back, Jungkook helplessly searched for Yoongi’s lips. Their kisses were messy and dirty, both too lost in their pleasure to care for technique or etiquette, they just needed to satisfy their need for reassurance, for connection, to feel the others breath against their lips and their heartbeats against each other. When he felt Jungkook getting close he reached for the lube again to slick up his fingers before he took a good hold of the youngers cock. The wet slide made it easy to jerk him off but Yoongi still started a torturously slow, loose rhythm to rile Jungkook up as much as he could before he would let him snap.

Jungkook was a whimpering mess, his whole body was jerking and tightening around Yoongi’s cock deliciously while he was crying out in pleasure-pain. “Suga,” He moaned, holding onto Yoongi’s waist to hold himself up or else he would have been already pushed over the edge of the bed with how hard he was going. He could feel every pull, every hit on his sweet spot. It was the sweetest torture. Each time Yoongi’s hips snapped forward, he jerked his cock at the same time and Jungkook swore he could see stars in front of his eyes. His thighs began to quiver, his fingers digging deep into Yoongi’s waist.

Jungkook’s moans were music to Yoongi‘s ears, his whimpers so sweet and desperate that they were his own turn on. If he kept this up for too long he might just follow Jungkook into oblivion and come right now. He didn’t want it to be over so soon though, he wanted to have the younger on his back, to make him come again later when he was all pliant and fucked out with his eyes hazy and his smile sated. His grip around the youngers cock tightened and he stopped playing games, making the younger sob in half relief, half pleasure. Jungkook was easy to play with his body responsive and sensitized by his caresses.

He might love this a little too much.

Jungkook cried out, closing his eyes as the pleasure was rushing through his veins like ecstasy and his whole body began to shake. Yoongi kept fucking into him mercilessly, while he was falling apart right on his cock, feeling every thrust so deeply inside of him as he tightened around him. He choked on a moan, whimpering quietly while losing complete control over his body.

The younger fell apart beautifully and Yoongi could feel him clenching tight around him in a way that was absolutely maddeningly perfect. He fucked Kook through his high, let him ride out his pleasure on his hard cock and only when Jungkook stopped shaking did he slow down, gently easing out of him when the younger had caught his breath. The urge to push back into that perfect, velveteen heat was overwhelming but luckily he was pretty good at controlling himself so instead he soothed over Jungkook's side and brushed through his hair.

“Are you good? Do you need a minute to calm down a little? We could just make out a little until you feel like you’re up for the next round. Or do you want me to keep going right away?”

“Mh,” Jungkook hummed in response, feeling absolutely pliant, reaching for Yoongi to pull him a little closer. There was cum sticking onto his stomach but Jungkook didn’t mind. He smiled faintly, closing his eyes as he tried to calm down, feeling Yoongi’s hands soothe over his body.

“Hm’yeah,” The younger mumbled, “Kissing…fucking…just both.” He turned a little, nuzzling his face cutely into Yoongi’s neck and placed a kiss there. “Don’t leave,” Jungkook was still shaking, soft little aftershocks from his orgasms, “I need you still.”

“Don’t worry, pretty one, I won’t leave you out of my sight.” Jungkook had pretty much given him his answer with the way he was curling into him, searching for warmth and closeness, basking in the intimacy that this position provided. He was glad that he always placed everything he needed within reach before he started a session because it meant that he didn’t even had to let go of Kook to get what he needed. He stretched a little, fishing blindly to get hold of a wet tissue and grinning triumphantly when he got one without Kook even stirring or opening his eyes. “Fair warning, it might get a little cold while I clean you up now but I promise you’ll get all warm and fuzzy again soon.”

Jungkook pouted when he could feel the cold tissue on his stomach, writhing his body away from Yoongi, “I’d rather feel dirty.” He giggled, his hands wandering down his neck and chest. “You feel so good inside of me, you really want me to wait even longer now? Or don’t you like your baby being dirty?” He cocked his head to the side, biting his lips.

“Are you getting sassy with me, sweetheart?” The tissue landed somewhere on the floor and Jungkook on his back as Yoongi rolled them over. “You think that’s a good idea while you’re all sensitive and fucked out? I’m still hard, baby. I can fuck you into oblivion again and again until you’re sobbing. Or do you think you got more stamina just because you sport all those pretty muscles?” He tweaked Kook’s nipple and revelled in the way the younger’s back arched off the bed.

“Maybe, ah, that’s what I want,” Jungkook moaned, a shiver ran down his body whenever Yoongi teased his nipples even more. He propped himself up on his elbows, so Jungkook could reach Yoongi’s shoulders, leaving a wet trail of kisses up his neck. “Please, Suga, I’ll be good.” He opened up his legs a little more, letting Yoongi in, in between them, before caressing a hand down his body taking a swipe of the cum that was left on his stomach and sucked on his finger deliciously. He wasn’t sure where the sudden confidence came from and maybe it was only to rile Yoongi up further. “I want to have a lick of your taste.”

“Oh fuck,” He definitely hadn’t expected the younger to get so daring and dirty with him during sex but it was a nice surprise. However, it chipped away at his control immensely and so instead of teasing Kook like he had initially planned until the younger was begging to be filled up again he just held Kook’s thighs open and sank back into the delicious heat that swallowed him whole. He moaned, low and strung out because he was aching and moving against Jungkook’s hips brought enough relief to make it bearable. Still it wouldn’t be enough if he kept going like that. Jungkook had gasped loudly when Yoongi had pushed into him without a warning. He could feel the oversensitivity mixing with the feeling of being filled and it made him shiver.

Yoongi fished for a cushion, urging Kook on to cock his hips up so that he could push the cushion under his back, changing the angle a bit. It would be easy to get deep now and with him on top he had enough leverage to snap his hips into the younger as hard as he needed. He would have Jungkook hard and whimpering for him in no time. When Yoongi’s hips snapped forward, he screamed out, reaching out for his shoulders to hold onto something. Yoongi smirked, drawing back awfully slow, making Jungkook whimper in the process. Nonetheless Jungkook kept his eyes on Yoongi, each thrust tearing another quiet sound from him.

It wasn’t as soft and intimate as before but it nonetheless had its perk to fuck Jungkook on his back. The younger was bendy and could easily open his thighs for him so both of them were comfortably while Yongi could roll his hips into the younger hard and reckless. He could feel himself sinking deeper and he groaned, trying to find a rhythm that wouldn’t have him coming too fast.

“You feel fucking amazing!” A soothing kiss took the edge off his curse as he kept on rocking into him over and over again, “So tight and perfect...I want to come inside of you, baby. Make you feel how much I love fucking you like this.”

Jungkook blushed, loving it how much Yoongi seemed to enjoy it as well. He held onto his waist, every thrust making him push deeper into the mattress and the cushion. It didn’t take long for Jungkook to get hard again, the pleasure pooling in his groin making him want even more. Eagerly, the younger pulled Yoongi down by his waist, roughly meeting his own. He was sure it would leave bruises tomorrow, but he didn’t mind.

He, now, just wanted to be fucked into oblivion.

“Ah, Suga,” Jungkook turned his head, whimpering and he could feel the bow of the mask he wore slightly loosen under the pressure and constant push and pull of his body. Jungkook took him well and willingly and considering that he had told him that he didn’t have that much experience Yoongi took it as a sign that there had good chemistry. He pretty much doubted that Jungkook would do this for about anyone. In a semblance of adoration and fondness he brushed Jungkook’s hair back, feeling how soft it was still despite Jungkook being all sweaty. “My pretty little baby.” The whisper was barely there, not meant for the cameras but Jungkook.

“You might just turn out to be my favourite boy.”

The younger melted into his touch, kissing the palm of Yoongi’s hand the moment it caressed down and over his cheeks. He was so blissfully gone in the pleasure that he didn’t really hear what Yoongi was saying, the oversensitivity making him unaware of anything else but the pleasure he felt with each hard thrust inside of him. Jungkook wrapped his hand around Yoongi’s wrist, not giving him a chance to pull it back but instead kissed him there endlessly, taking his thumb into his mouth to suck on it deliciously giving Yoongi the most beautiful scene to watch as he blinked up at him. He closed his eyes, arching his back in pleasure as he moaned loudly, “I…can’t…it feels so good.” Jungkook almost sobbed when a particularly rough push into him made him snap his eyes open, “Fuck. Don’t stop, please.”

It was utterly cute how overwhelmed the younger had gotten and Yoongi smiled fondly at him, kissing his face wherever he could reach while Kook writhed in pleasure under him. He was close already, he could feel it in the pulsing of his cock and the tightening of his balls so he slowed down a little, dragging it out because he didn’t have enough of Kook yet. His perfect body, his breathy little gasps that he loved already, his little whimpers whenever he pushed in deep. And right now he pushed in hard and deep and merciless with every thrust, teasing sweet sounds out of Kook with every snap of his hips.

“N-no, no please,” He pursed his lips into a pout, letting go off Yoongi’s hand to reach for his waist instead, wanting to pull him closer and make him go faster. “Ah, please,” Jungkook sobbed, shaking his head cutely as he gazed back up at Yoongi, who was only smirking, enjoying the view, “But-but I’ve been good. I want you, pl-please.” He began to move his hips restlessly, circulating slowly and sensually against Yoongi, making the cushion under his bottom shift with the movements – but Jungkook didn’t care. He pulled Yoongi in by his neck, kissing him deeply, whimpering and whispering pleads in between each one of them.

“So demanding, pretty.” Yoongi tried to tease him but his voice sounded a little too breathless for that. The way Jungkook moved his hips against him did things to him that got his knees weak and his thighs shaking. “I... I’m gonna come soon... but dont worry, I’ll get you off too… promise.” He leaned into Kook’s tight hug, trapping the younger’s cock between their bodies to stimulate him too but he’d probably finish before him. So maybe he would get to blow Kook fully tonight after all. There weren’t any words left in his mind as the tension pulled tighter and he let his control slip, taking Kook the way he needed to to finish off: quick and rough and as deep as he could.

Jungkook was holding onto Yoongi while wrapping his arms around him to keep him as close as possible. He closed his eyes, letting the pleasure take over and Yoongi be the one he could lean on. The way Yoongi was growling and shaking above him, told him that he was close and Jungkook spread his legs a little more, feeling how sore and tired his limbs already felt – but he loved it. The exhaustion was settling in his body, but the pleasure was making him feel so much ecstasy that he didn’t mind. Jungkook squeezed Yoongi’s bottom, feeling the firm flesh against the palm of his hands, while he placed open mouthed kisses on his shoulder and everywhere he could reach. The rhythm was faltering and Jungkook could feel himself tighten around Yoongi’s cock, heightening the pleasure for both of them.

Yoongi got close, so close when Jungkook started touching him and when the younger tightened around him like he had before when he had come on his cock it was over. Yoongi’s muscles locked up as he moaned in purest pleasure, emptying himself in the condom (that he wished wasn’t there right now. He always used them but with Kook he would have actually prefered that he hadn’t right now). He collapsed on top of Kook afterwards, making sure he caught enough of his weight to not hurt him, considering Kook was still hard and his thighs spread but he needed a moment to come down from his high. He felt amazing, a mellow sort of bliss in his mind that made it a little hazy, his body a little harder to control. The urge to pull Kook in and just hold him all night was sudden an unexpected and he tried to get rid of his feelings by kissing the younger deeply and telling him softly how good he had been and how amazing it felt to have him.

Jungkook hummed against his kisses, dwelling in the attention Yoongi was giving him. He brushed through his hair, blushing from the sweet compliments he was giving him. He smiled in bliss, not even caring if he had gotten off the second time or not, but he was sure Yoongi wouldn’t let him go so easily. He wanted to exhaust him, Jungkook had especially asked for that. So, he didn’t move, when Yoongi propped himself up again and kissed him sweetly, moving down his neck. He made a show of going down on Kook. He trailed all the way down with kisses, giving Kook’s perky nipples extra attention just to hear him whimper again and then stopped to admire the bruises on the inside of Kooks thigh that he had given him before. “Wouldn’t it be a shame to leave you one sided?” The younger whined helplessly as he attacked the delicate skin on his other thigh but with the way he was twitching and how hard he was Yoongi kept it short and let go of it quickly. He dragged his thumb over the reddened tip right in front of his face, teasing the precum over the swollen head before finally closing his lips around it and swallowing him down.

Jungkook bucked his hips upwards involuntarily making Yoongi choke a little, but it didn’t keep him from blowing him for real. There was no chance for Jungkook to pull off, or his hips away from Yoongi. He was holding him down, swallowing around him so deliciously that he could feel his thighs starting to shake in a matter of seconds. “F-fuck, Suga, plea-,” Jungkook choked on the moan, crying out as he arched his back off the mattress. His whole body was shivering, thighs trembling as he came right into Yoongi’s mouth. He had his eyes closed, putting his arm over them, feeling the tears sting in his eyes. The pleasure was completely overwhelming him, every touch of Yoongi was like fuel to the fire only heightening the feeling. Jungkook came quick and hard and Yoongi swallowed it all down, licking Kook clean while the younger was close to sobbing from the overstimulation.

The way Jungkook just kept still after, sunken into the pillows and arm still over his eyes told Yoongi that it might have been a little much for him. As there was nothing to clean up this time he could lay down besides him right away, soothing him with light, careful touches and small kisses on his cheek. He didn’t take his arm away for him as he didn’t want the younger to feel pressured but he addressed it nonetheless. “Are you okay there, baby?” His voice was still husky from before but he put enough softness in it to hopefully soothe him. “Do you want me to stop the cameras? Then we can take the masks off and just relax for a bit. You’re a little sleepy right now, aren’t you?”

Jungkook didn’t open his eyes but he let his arm fall, turning over to where Yoongi was to snuggle closer to him. “I’m okay,” He mumbled, “Yes, take it off, please.” Jungkook could feel Yoongi hesitate for a moment, but he decided to just edit out the end and gently pull the mask of now. First his own, then Jungkooks. The younger pliantly leaned into his touch, shivering from the sudden cold. “Is…is it okay if we stay like this for a while, Suga?” He was starting to talk in pout again from how tired he was, his hand searching for Yoongi's to hold on to, caressing down his arm while he kept his eyes closed.

Jungkook was so cute like this, leaning into him as if his closeness was all he wanted and Yoongi’s heart made a little leap that always lead to dangerous thing.

“Yoongi.” He answered, a secret whisper, only for Kook to know, “My name is Yoongi. And you can stay here as long as you need.” He kissed the boys pout as he laid there exhaustedly, apparently too tired to even open his eyes. Yoongi didn’t mind it, quite the opposite. It was his room so no one would throw them out and it would be really nice to fall asleep with someone in his arms - especially when this someone was a pretty little boy he’s just had sex with.

“Yoongi,” He whispered tiredly, cuddling even closer to his warmth. A soft giggle escaped him and he blinked up at him, “I really did that. With you. I hope they will like it.” Jungkook yawned, helplessly reaching for the blanket before giving up. “Your viewers. I hope they enjoy it…as much as I did,” His voice was quiet and one could hear how Jungkook was slowly drifting off, “I like you.” He leaned his head on Yoongi’s chest and closed his eyes again.

“I like you too, baby boy.” He chuckled low as the younger nosed along his jaw in a sleepy attempt to shift even closer before his body stilled and his breath deepened. Stretching a little he reached for the remote to turn off the cameras and pushed the button. A little click and a sirring sound told him that the cameras had just turned on. Confused he pushed the button again, effectively shutting the cameras off. He groaned as it dawned on him.

Jungkook had attacked him so passionately that he had barely watched what buttons he had pressed in the beginning - and apparently he hadn’t turned on the cameras at all, which meant they had just fucked each other for fun. He shook his head, glad that Kook was asleep and couldn’t see his embarrassment right now. Luckily he could take it lightly; he could still pay Kook and honestly it had been worth it. And if Kook still wanted to have an upload, well… then they would just have to fuck each other again soon.

A/N: Here we go! This is the first story to our little Series (3 Parts). Cat and I just wanted to try and write PWP and so this happened. You ready for your stay in the ‘Nuit Inoubliable’? Don’t forget to tell us how you liked it!!

Subscribed: @jeonsdear @starlightstae @p-ixelite @lissachan504 @wise-bts-collector @nochuukookie @h-e-l-p-m-e-p-l-e-a-s-e00 @hisheartsmile @absque-nocte @violetrose120 @fusselkuchen @gelsavitichi @minsugasnerd @yoonqiful @thenameoftherain @jjkscnery @tobi-love @banaani-mins @writeasifwordsarepaintbrushes @lissachan504 @it-is-dana @nomimits7 @laur-zipan @mytokyos @ksjinandtonic @eenabannana-blog @vannilacake @aden2610 @dirkstrider98 @bngtnsnyndn-ily @whatarelarryfeels @7sirens @triviajeongin @persephonelovesbts @babyboyyjjk

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skylights422 · 4 years

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@ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity created a Q&A for aspec authors/writers, and as an aspec author, I am excited to participate and answer as many of their questions as I can. Under a cut since it became really outrageously long.

1. What was your inspiration for your character(s)? Are they modeled on yourself, a person that you know, or a character that’s already been established?

Typically I’d say my characters are a mix of general inspiration from other stories/characters and then bits and pieces taken from myself. I try not to make any of them like a clone of myself or another character, try to mix it up, possibly with mixed success but that is the goal.

2. How much, if any, has your character(s) changed since they were first created? What caused this change?

Oh wow, okay I have characters I still use from grade school and middle school, and those characters have changed/grown a lot. Most notoriously (to me) though are my two fellas Euphranor and Kadri. I created them while daydreaming in middle school while watching those science videos in class about how I could make a more parody-like version of said videos, Kadri being the energetic and comically sadistic teacher and Euphranor being the constantly irritated and foul-tempered student. The core of their designs and personalities haven’t totally changed (Euph is still a hot-head and Kadri still likes to troll him), but they’ve become far more nuanced as characters as their story become more involved and serious. They’ve also become softer characters, with Euph having a Heart of Gold and Kadri being a bit morally grey but generally compassionate and friendly. I think the cause of this change and others comes from a mix of things, for one I simply got older and what I wanted out my characters changed a bit. But also I think it’s because I spent so much time with those characters in my head that I couldn’t help but develop them more fully, which in turn made me want to give them a good story. Also, everyone is definitely more queer now then how they started, largely because I became more aware and comfortable with my own queer identity and spent more time in queer spaces (though with Euph I actually just realized he had to be gay because I every het relationship I envisioned for him fell totally flat and yet imagining him as having crushes on guys just seemed to work better/make more sense, and that was an earlier decision).

4. Do you intend on publishing your story one day? Why, or why not?

I definitely do! I have many, many stories I want to publish, as books or comics or tv shows or films. I’ve always wanted to publish some of writing since it’s one of my main passions and have always taken inspiration from the stories I consumed. I just love writing and would want to be able to do it as my main career, the key will just be figuring out how to focus on one project long enough to finish it. xD

5. Surprise fact! Give a random fact about your character(s), whether it’s their favorite color, food, or even song!

Euphranor loves to sing! He hums to calm himself down and even full on sings to vent his feelings sometimes. Kadri loves literature and video games, and blackberry pie is his favorite food.

6. Admit it, you have a folder on your computer of the various types of picrews you’ve created for your character(s). Would you mind posting a few (or five)?

*VIBRATES* MY TIME HAS COME. I absolutely have way too many picrews of my fellas so I won’t post them all, just two each for the core four of my main novel project. First, Euphranor:

(yes he is a Hufflepuff)

Kadri:

(also since I dragged the Hogwarts houses into this Kadri is Ravenclaw)

Ena:

(I put her in Gryffindor)

And finally, Fiera:

(Right now I have her in Slytherin. She could also be in Ravenclaw though)

7. Time to get serious for a bit. There’s been heavy debate on having non-human characters identify as ace, aro, non-binary, etc., but never actual humans. As someone who’s aspec, how would you explain to someone who’s allo why this can be and is seen as hurtful?

I mean, as a sci-fi fan I definitely love if the non-human characters are queer coded, but it’s definitely important to include human representation as well, and I think there are a few simple reasons for that. One is that queer people are, in fact, humans, and therefore our stories deserve to be told as they are in reality as well as how they could be in fiction. The other is only writing us as inhuman implies you consider our identities as fictitious or too strange for a human to have, and queer people already have to deal with other forms of erasure and invalidation in real life. (Also, not everyone is a fan of sci-fi/fantasy, and they should still be able to read stories where they can see themselves)

8. It’s a sad reality that many stories in mainstream media don’t have characters that are aspec, not to mention without resorting to harmful stereotypes. Besides there being nothing wrong with IDing as aspec, why did you choose to have your character ID as such? What would you tell other authors who’re interested in writing characters that are aspec, but are afraid of offending the community?

I have a huge list of aspec characters, which definitely started happening more once I was aware of my own asexuality (and later, aromanticism), since I realized that I could make my own aro and ace characters and then just went wild with it lol. It’s also easier for me to write since I can actually draw from personal experience somewhat for it. Beyond representation having aro and ace characters also allows you to explore more facets of human emotions/the human experience, so that’s always fun.

As for how I would advise allies looking to write a-spec characters, my main advice would be to remember that we are an incredibly diverse group of people, and so while no one a-spec character will resonate with every a-spec reader, an a-spec character written in good faith will definitely speak to some of us. Write them as an character first, and when it comes to things like how their attraction does or doesn’t work and what they want out of relationships, figure out what works best for them. Really, if you’re concerned your character would be offensive in some way you can always make a post asking about it, many of us are happy to offer constructive advice and appreciate that someone is wanting to put in the effort to write about our experiences. Reading or listening to anecdotes from an array of a-spec people is also a good way of getting ideas of how to portray us, and there are various resources for that (the tags, AUREA collects anecdotes from arospec individuals, and probably more than I can think of offhand)

9. If you’re comfortable with sharing, what is your characters’ identity? Do they use any microlabels? Does theirs reflect your own?

Unsurprisingly I have many characters who are aroace (Fiera is one of them), and Ena is bisexual and gray-aromantic. Kadri was originally supposed to just be bi/pan but has become increasingly aspec, will they end up gray-aro as well as grey-ace? Will they end up as a pan oriented aroace? I don’t know yet, but they sure are a pan a-spec. My most recent project has exclusively aro-spec protagonists, Valentine is aroace, Cedar is demiromantic, Raelene is cupioromantic, and then Clematis and Hadyn are presently just Aro and might stay that way. My aroace characters are often styled after my own aroace experiences, while other a-spec characters aren’t as much.

11. Why do you think that not just representation is important, but GOOD representation? Can you offer any examples?

Well, I think there are a few ways to make ‘good rep’. There is the ‘this character helps bring awareness/educate about the community’ and then there’s ‘this character just resonates with certain a-spec people a lot’, and the main reason I think it’s important is because rep should be for the people they’re representing. So if rep hurts the community or totally fails to be relatable to anyone who’s actually a-spec, then it missed the whole point and is doing just as much to leave the community feeling left in the dust as no rep. Of course things do get complicated when the community is divided on whether the rep is good or not, which I imagine will be a common occurrence, and many examples of rep probably fall into the grey area between Good and Bad, but generally people should aim to tell stories that will help more than hinder the people you are telling your story about. (Although I also think that the long term end goal is to get to the point where there is enough representation that it doesn’t matter if some of it is ‘bad’ or not, since I feel like that is the true state of normalization, but that is sadly not yet the case)

12. What’s the genre of your most recent story? Do you always write in this genre? If so, what other works do you have? If not, why did you pick it?

My most recent story (with Valentine) is fantasy, inspired by shoujo style anime series like Cardcaptor Sakura, while Euph’s story is more dystopian urban fantasy? His exact genre has shifted around a lot and will probably continue to do so. In general, most of my works are fantasy in some way or another. A few are more sci-fi or horror based, but definitely the majority are fantasy whether that be magical girl type stories, urban fantasy, superheroes, or dark fantasy.

14. What’s a brief biography of your character? Is their history, personality, and/or looks similar to your own?

I’m going to go with Fiera here. The short version of her backstory is that she and her older brother were born to neglectful parents, and while their grandmother was attentive emotionally she also lived far away. Her brother discovered magic, long thought forgotten, but killed himself shortly after, leaving Fiera alone and confused. She then made a point to dedicate herself to studying the theory and history of magic in the hope that she may someday understand why her brother would take his own life so suddenly like that. She has a down to earth personality and is very observant, and has a great deal of ambition and focus for tasks. She naturally has a more lighthearted and curious personality, but has become more somber since the death of her brother. While she always struggled with sustaining personal relationships, it’s only recently she started using her power of observation to be more manipulative and always keep a cool, pleasant demeanor. She has a love for fashion and sewing, as well as an interest in chemistry.

She isn’t really based on me at all backstory or appearance wise, and only slightly takes after me personality wise. Our main similarity is that we both can be quietly observant and don’t tend to get outwardly angry very often, and that we are both aroace. But I am nowhere near as focused as her, am terrible at lies/manipulation, and have different interests. I’m also way more prone to energetic rants and blunt statements than she is.

15. What are the themes of your story? Is it a lighthearted adventure, or are we talking deep, ocean-sized levels of angst? Why, or why not, did you choose them?

The tone of Euph’s story is kind of all over the place due to how often I’ve tweaked it, but there are certainly oceans of angst for all the protagonists. There’s just also decided remnants of the wacky humor from when the story was predominantly a comedy, and a lot more scenes of the characters just relaxing or goofing off than might be typical in a high tension drama adventure. My story with Valentine is generally much more lighthearted, though there will be some deeper moments for character development (and also because I want it to have a slightly gothic vibe, just Because)

16. How long have you been writing? Has your style changed from when you first began to now? What are some tips you’d give to those who’re interested in writing a story of their own, be it professionally or as a hobby?

I’ve been writing in some capacity just about as long as I can remember, and so my style has definitely taken various shifts depending on how old I was and what I was taking as my main inspiration at the time. Sometimes I went for more sarcastic and whimsical narration regardless of the events happening of the story, sometimes I went for a more quick modern-ish style, sometimes I would focus more or less on descriptions or dialogue. I don’t really know where I’m at right now though.

What I would advise to anyone wanting to sit down and write is to be patient and kind with yourself. Nine times out of ten what sounds epic in your head will come out at first as clunky and all over the place. But that is pretty much the whole purpose of first drafts; the clunky first draft crawls so the second draft may walk so the third draft may walk a little faster so the final draft may run. The other thing I would advise is to absolutely experiment, and see what works best for you. There is every kind of writing advice out there imaginable, much of it contradictory, so really you just have to mess around with styles and perspective and dialogue and see what happens, which stuff you liked and which stuff you didn’t.

17. What’s your process for writing? Do you plan your story out first, write whatever you want then edit later, or both? How might this help others?

My writing process is pretty much a mishmash of writing whatever comes to me, then planning, then writing, then using a bunch of character building exercises to have fun but make no progress in the plot, then neglect the project for months, then write some more or maybe plan. I don’t know how much this would help others, though I have found when I set goals with deadlines and some external pressure (nanowrimo, reward system implanted by friends, etc) I am far more productive, so perhaps that is something others could try if they struggle with staying on track?

18. Your book’s become quite popular, easily reaching the New York Times Bookseller list, and now, you’ve been picked to lead a writing workshop. It goes swimmingly, and afterward, someone comes and tells you that your book not only inspired them to write a story of their own, but also helped them discover and accept their identity. What’s your reaction?

Mostly I would just be flabbergasted, but also extremely pleased and honored to have been able to provide any kind of help or assistance to my readers.And I would feel very happy for the person, since that sort of inspiration is great to come by.

19. Are there any published stories out there that feature aspec characters that you also read? Do you have any suggestions?

Unfortunately not that I can think of! I am peripherally aware of some ace characters, but they aren’t in stories I personally consume. I hope to find more though!

20. Just for fun, write down a paragraph of your most recent writing. It can be an action-packed scene, some witty dialogue, or a colorful description that you really enjoyed. (Be sure to properly tag any possible triggers!)

Well, my most recent finished work would be the clunky first draft of my novel. So, here’s a silly conversation that entertained me to write:

Once they had bought the food, they went back to the park to eat.

“You know, Fiera, I have come to a realization.” Kadri said.

“Oh? What’s that?” Fiera asked.

“Store snacks are not as filling as restaurant food, nor as refined, but they are decidedly addictive.” he said, munching on Twizzlers.

“Yep. That’s what makes them store snacks. Plus, I couldn’t get any really nice stuff. I’m not made of money.” Fiera explained.

“Which brings me to my next question, how exactly are you financing our meals? You don’t seem to work a job of any kind.” Kadri said. Fiera was almost surprised that he knew about jobs, but decided not to ask about it.

“You’re right, I don’t. But my parents leave me about sixty bucks a week so that they can do what they want without me starving to death in their absence. After yesterday and just now, I’m down to like eight bucks, and the next payment comes in three days, so after this stash goes it's dollar store snacks only.” Fiera explained.

“I see. Fascinating. And these drinks you bought us, why are they vitamin drinks?” Kadri said,looking over a vitamin water curiously.

“Because we definitely aren’t going to get any vitamins from chips and candy.” Fiera said simply.

“There is logic to that, I suppose.” he said. There was silence for a few moments.

“Um… Kadri?” Fiera said after a while.

“Yes, Fiera?” Kadri said.

“You know you can’t eat a whole bag of Twizzlers in one go, right?” Fiera said.

“I don’t see why not. If it is not going to give me the nutrients I need, it may as well provide me with the maximum level of pleasure it is capable of.” Kadri said.

“Yeah, but you’ll get sick. And we have limited supplies.” Fiera countered. Kadri looked at the bag of Twizzlers in alarm.

“These are poisonous in large doses!?” he exclaimed.

“What? No, not poisonous, they just make you sick because they’re candy. All candy does that if you keep eating it.” Fiera said.

“Commoners lead dangerous lives, it would seem. I shall never forget this betrayal.” He said to the bag of Twizzlers, putting it down and taking the vitamin water instead.

#Arospec Awareness Week #aromantic #writing #non-fandom #asaw2020

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woolishlygrim · 4 years

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Winter Weebwatch #5

After last week’s surprisingly bad bunch of episodes, this week’s episodes are surprisingly good! There was also no Darwin’s Game this week, probably because it got pre-empted by a sporting event, but to be honest, I don’t think anybody was especially crying out for another three paragraphs of me struggling to remember what happened in it.

Also, there is a huge trigger warning for discussions of suicide, both in fiction and in real life on this post, specifically in the ID: Invaded review.

In/Spectre

★★★★☆

So, this episode was cruising along for an easy three stars for most of its runtime. Continuing on the Steel Girder Nanase storyline, the episode sees Kotoko and Saki simultaneously deciding to hate each other and deciding that they need to work together to decipher the truth behind Steel Girder Nanase, who they believe to be the ghost of an idol, Haruka Nanase, who was accused of murder and subsequently was found crushed by a steel girder, her face unrecognisable and even her teeth unidentifiable, the body only identified by virtue of carrying Nanase’s identification.

… Just so we’re all absolutely on the same page here, next episode is definitely going to reveal that Nanase murdered someone else to fake her own death, and that Steel Girder Nanase is actually some poor woman who was her victim, right? Right.

But anyway, this episode settles into a nice, consistent tone, sets up a fun and legitimately intriguing supernatural mystery, and seems all set to make its way to a satisfactory conclusion in one or two episodes, probably.

What elevates it to four stars, though? The fairly throwaway joke in which a fully animated opening sequence for a completely fictional magical girl show, complete with an original and fully vocalised song, plays, and ruthlessly satirises the far-right, taking shots at capitalism, militarism, and the police and justice system.

It’s a joke that doesn’t fit the tone of the rest of the series at all, but it’s so unapologetically vicious while also making me laugh out loud that I had to add an extra star for it. I just had to.

ID: Invaded.

★★★★★

Honestly, I wavered on whether this should be a four star or a five star. If I could do half stars, it’d be four and a half, but I think it edges out five.

This episode switches gears a little. With the Gravedigger killed, and the woman who was manipulating him into his murders arrested, Sakaido dives into the woman’s mental world, hoping to figure out exactly what caused her to turn to murder, and why murder in such a specific, gruesome, and sadistic way.

And he fails completely.

The story tempts us with just enough information that we can start forming the half-baked foundations of a hypothesis, but not enough that we can actually form any kind of cohesive theory. We see in the woman’s mental world that she is stuck as a child, endlessly riding a train that’s going in circles, each loop having it cross the train crossing where her mother committed suicide. We see that her victims are gathered at said crossing, waiting patiently to cross. And we see that her accomplice, the man she had killing for her, is present on the train as well, as a young boy very far removed from the blank, not-all-there man we’ve seen up to that point. We see Kaeru, usually representing the murder victims, in this mental world is presented as a suicide victim, having removed her shoes and asked the woman to wipe off her wounds before expiring in a seat at the end of the train.

But we never get enough to build any kind of meaning out of it. The show deliberately withholds closure from us, mirroring the woman’s lack of closure over her mother’s suicide (why did she decide to do it, and why do it by throwing herself in front of a train she knew her daughter was riding?), telling us that we will only ever have a handful of puzzle pieces and no way to piece them together.

I admit, that affected me pretty deeply. As someone who obsesses over puzzles and especially over the whys and wherefores of why people do things, whose lowered empathy response means that figuring people out is often a maddening struggle, the show presenting a puzzle that can’t be solved is infuriating. But more than that, as someone who has had a friend commit suicide, leaving no note and providing almost no indication beforehand that he was going to, I’m familiar with the bewilderment that can follow something like that, the attempts to piece together a cause-and-effect that makes sense.

This episode kind of got to me. I’m not sure I liked that it did.

‘Not having enough information’ is the running theme of this episode, anyhow, as the rest of the investigation team takes some time to discuss the recurring appearance of John Walker, a mysterious man in a red frockcoat who has appeared in five separate killers’ mental worlds (and who appears also in the woman’s, as a reflection in the train window). As they talk, they realise all they know is a baffling mess of contradictions about him: Nobody has ever seen him in real life, and yet the fact that five different people dreamed him up wearing the same bright red coat means he must be going around wearing what is basically American War of Independence cosplay; there seems to be no single link between the killers who have him in their mental worlds, and yet there are strange coincidental links; none of the killers remember who he is, but all of them have extremely strong recollections of him.

The end of the episode pulls another gutpunch on us, as Hondomachi, having killed the Gravedigger in seeming self defence earlier in the episode, finally gets her wish to be trained to dive into people’s mental worlds -- only for Hayaseura, her boss and the man who recommended her, to tell her that it’s not enough to have just killed, you have to be a serial killer, something he knows that she is. While we obviously saw her murder someone (by provoking them into attacking her and then framing it as self-defense) earlier in this episode, Hayaseura also points out something that I’d dismissed at the time and completely forgotten about: That in the very first episode, before Hondomachi was kidnapped by the Perforator, she was alone with one of his victims in the basement, and when we next saw him he was dead, even though the Perforator couldn’t have killed him.

That’s … actually some really solid writing. I hadn’t even realised on my first watch that the guy couldn’t have been killed by the Perforator.

Pet.

★★★★☆

I feel like I haven’t given this series enough credit for how surprisingly vicious it is. The first episode sets us up to think that Tsukasa and Hiroki’s friendship is pretty cute, and the second episode clues us in to the fact that they’re (quasi-?)romantically involved and sets up a clearly unhealthy but quite sweet all the same romance where you think that, hey, they’re screwed up people but they clearly love each other. It isn’t until the third episode that the rug gets pulled out from under you, with the reveal that Tsukasa is actually quite abusive, and this episode pulls the rug straight out from under us again.

It follows two plot threads. The first one is a milder one, with Satoru meeting the niece of the mysterious Company’s CEO, who exposits at him a little about how the Company was founded and some of the strifes that have led it to its current state of disarray -- namely that the qigong masters who created the psychic techniques the Company uses (just … roll with it) all simultaneously betrayed the CEO and were killed for it, leaving the Company with only one person who can pass on those teachings: Hayashi.

The second plot thread sees Tsukasa and Hayashi playing mind games with each other, with Tsukasa first trying to persuade Hayashi to return to the Company, before Hayashi tries to psychically rewrite Tsukasa’s memories, only for Tsukasa to rebuff him and for the two to end up in a psychic battle where they both try to repel the other one’s attempts to alter their memories.

It’s in this second plot thread that we learn all about Tsukasa’s many issues: Like Satoru, he is most definitely in love with Hayashi, and like Satoru, those feelings clearly aren’t reciprocated. Unlike Satoru, however, Hayashi doesn’t even seem to have filial feelings for Tsukasa, and we learn that when he started teaching Satoru, the Company told him that he couldn’t act as mentor for two people and had to choose one. He picked Satoru with what seems like startling ease, effectively abandoning Tsukasa.

There are allusions, as well, to the idea that Hayashi kept using Tsukasa even after that abandonment, entreating him to infiltrate the Company on his behalf and keep Satoru safe. Tsukasa’s … not happy about this at all, and also, as becomes swiftly apparent throughout the episode, more than a little unhinged.

As the episode ends, Tsukasa and Hayashi are ramping up their psychic battle, with Tsukasa informing Hayashi that he’s learned some tricks off Hiroki, so we’ll see where that one goes.

Infinite Dendrogram.

★★☆☆☆

More and more, it feels like this show is falling into a rut, and that’s honestly a huge shame.

There’s just no forward momentum to it. Things happen, but there’s no sense of motion, no sense of things winding towards a conclusion, either on an arc level or a series level, and yet at the same time it’s not fast and snappy enough to be a truly episodic series like, say, Kekkai Sensen.

So, this week’s episode sees Ray, now cursed with dog ears (for reasons which are not plot relevant, but I mean, it’s fine), teaming up with a new character, Hugo, a Dryfe Master whose job is essentially that he’s a giant mecha pilot, as the two attempt to tackle a base of bandits who have been kidnapping children.

The show tries very hard to set the bandits up as absolute monsters, and to sell us on Ray’s rage, but it kind of lacks the elements necessary to make an impact. The huge emotional moment where Ray sees that some of the children have been turned into undead is weakened by the fact that the cinematography is bog-standard, the animation direction for the scene is uninteresting, and the music is unremarkable. Even Ray’s reaction is strangely muted, with some anger but no real horror or anything like that, and not even a quiet fury so much as just moderate amounts of rage.

There are hints of a broader plot involving Dryfe, though (which we know from an earlier episode is prepping to invade), with Hugo making remarks that he can’t use his Embryo yet, because keeping it secret is part of some plan.

He does, eventually, use it anyway, and relatively without fanfare at that.

#infinite dendrogram #id invaded #pet #in/spectre #anime #winter weebwatch #tw: suicide

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sacredlettersspn · 4 years

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Letter #3: Character (Dead in the Water, 1x03)

Theme: Character

Definition: mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual; the way someone thinks, feels, behaves

Welcome to the Sacred Letters of Supernatural. Today we will be covering episode 1x03, “Dead in the Water” while thinking about the theme of character. When I think of character, my mind goes to the first part of the definition above, the “moral qualities” distinctive to an individual. I am reminded of citizenship awards in elementary school and posters in school hallways with slogans like, “Character is what you do when nobody is watching.” Character has a moral connotation to it with the expectation that I should have “good” character. But that is not the only way to define or think about “character.”

Character is also distinctive qualities of any kind that define a person. Being an avid reader and television show watcher, as a well as a writer of fan fiction, this aspect of the definition is also familiar to me. Creating characters for a story involves building distinctive, compelling individuals that viewers will be invested in. Characters can become so defined that we come to expect certain actions and behaviors from them, and when their actions fall short of our expectations, we label them as “out of character.” In fanfiction, keeping characters “in character” can be a challenge for writers. There is a need to place close attention to the actions, motivations, and philosophies of the people that are being written about. Without these elements, stories can fall apart and readers lose interest. Character is important to a story.

In addition to feeling something is “out of character,” we can have other reactions when a character’s actions surprise us, like when the bad guy finds a cause to be heroic or when the grumpy, standoffish character makes a friend. If these unexpected behaviors are written in a compelling way with clear steps of character growth or appropriate catalysts, we enjoy seeing a character change. Humans can also surprise us in this way. The quiet student can stand up against a bully or a person who has been to jail multiple times can decide to turn their life around.

It seems that most of the time, we enjoy these kinds of stories. But there are limits to the amount of change we can accept, and that limit is different for everyone. There are men who stop being sexist, nazis who leave their ideology, bullies who develop self-awareness and try to make amends. Accepting these changes can be difficult, if not impossible for some. Yet many of us love movie characters like Loki who develop from the “bad guy” into something better and more selfless. There is the real life vs. movie screen distinction to take into account when thinking about why we react differently. We also understand Loki’s past and watch his development, so we can empathize with him. However, it appears that we often like the idea of the bad guy turning good, but we have a hard time accepting it in real life. “Cancel culture” is an example of this challenge to accept change in people or to recognize the diversity of character within one individual.

This is not to argue what we should or should not accept, to put a label on right or wrong when it comes to character growth and how we respond to it, in fiction or real life. There are legitimate reasons for not trusting or accepting a person who has committed horrible acts against other humans, or who have passed our own personal boundaries in terms of what we will accept. This discussion is meant to be an observation, one that I think is worth exploring. The purpose of thinking about this idea is to learn more about yourself and how you view the world. I think we can look at this concept of character growth on a smaller scale and consider how we relate it to relationships in our personal lives, and then we can take it and examine how we approach the bigger issues. To begin digging a little deeper into our personal perspectives on this issue, we can ask ourselves, what side of the “acceptance spectrum” I lie on?

So with that question in mind, let’s summarize the episode.

The episode opens in Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin with the morning routine of the Carlton family. There’s Bill, the father, and his two children, Sophie and Will, who live in a small house by the lake. Sophie is getting ready to go for a swim. The weather and the lake is calm, but once Sophie’s out on the water, the swimmer can’t help but feel that something is underneath the surface. She pauses to look around, sees nothing, but is soon dragged under by an unseen force. She drowns and her body is never recovered.

Sam and Dean enter as federal wildlife officers after seeing an article about Sophie’s drowning. This lake has already claimed a life that year, and several more in the past. The Winchesters talk to the sheriff in town, Jake Devins, and meet his daughter and grandson, Andrea and Lucas. Sam and Dean learn that the daughter’s husband was the first drowning earlier that year, and that the grandson witnessed the event. Lucas won’t speak anymore, he only draws.

Dean attempts to gain Lucas’ trust while he and Sam investigate the lake. They try talking to the Carltons, but Bill shuts them out. Soon after this first conversation, Will dies by drowning in the kitchen sink. Sam and Dean visit a second time and try harder to make Bill talk, but he is almost comatose with depression.

With no other leads, Sam and Dean leave Bill alone and happen to meet Andrea in a park. Dean connects with Lucas and receives a picture from him, a drawing of a house by a church with a boy standing by the fence with his bike. They find this house in town, and Sam and Dean visit the house of an old woman whose son, Peter Sweeney, went missing when he was around ten years old. Sam and Dean realize there’s a connection between this boy and Bill when they see an old photograph in the house.

They visit Bill again, but find him riding his boat out onto the lake. While they try to get his attention, something knocks the boat into the air and Bill falls into the lake and drowns.

The sheriff kicks Sam and Dean out of town after the incident, looking up their ranger numbers and finding out the ID’s are fake. But Dean doesn’t listen, he feels like something is off, so he turns around and visits Andrea and Lucas. Lucas is frantic when he answers the door. His mom is trapped in the bathroom, drowning in the tub. Dean saves her, and she tells him she heard a child’s voice in the water saying, “Come play with me.”

Dean looks through Andrea’s old photo albums while in her home and sees a young Jake Devins with Peter Sweeney. Lucas directs Sam and Dean to a random spot in the yard by the lake, and they dig up an old bike. The sheriff finds them and holds them at gunpoint. Sam and Dean tell him they’ve made a connection. They guess that he and Bill killed Peter Sweeney as kids. The sheriff tries to deny it, but while facing his daughter, he can’t lie. He admits to the killing, stating that he and Bill bullied Peter, but one time it accidentally went too far, and Peter drowned.

The adults argue about whether the missing boy is haunting the lake, with the sheriff calling Sam and Dean crazy. Meanwhile, Lucas goes out to the dock, drops a toy in, and attempts to fish it out. He’s pulled in by a ghostly hand. Sam and Dean jump into the lake to save Lucas. Meanwhile, the sheriff runs to the edge of the lake and sees Peter’s face, pale and dirty, pop up just above the surface. While Sam and Dean search frantically for Lucas, the sheriff sacrifices himself by wading into the water and begging the spirit to take him instead. It listens, pulls the sheriff under, and releases Lucas to Dean.

The character in this episode I want to focus on is Jake Devins because of his involvement with the murder of Peter Sweeney. While Bill Carlton was also a participant, I would argue that the episode focuses more on Devins character and family. We learn that he’s a family man by hearing how he helps out with his grandson after the death of his son-in-law. We see multiple conversations and interactions with his family, so we’re able to get a sense of the kind of man Devins is. He comes across as a hardworking sheriff who cares deeply about his family. He appears to be direct as well, sometimes intense or intimidating in the way he talks with Sam and Dean about the lake. In general, we get an idea that Devins is a honorable, experienced man, so it might come as a shock when he later admits to being involved in the murder of a fellow classmate as a child.

While the audience may or may not have predicted Jake’s confession, his daughter Andrea is completely taken by surprise. She wavers between doubt and wanting her father to admit the truth in the scene where Devins divulges the secret he has kept for three decades. She is shocked by learning the truth, never considering her father capable of murder. But the truth doesn’t appear to change how she thinks about her father. At the end of the episode, she tells Dean that whatever Jake did in his past, Andrea knows him as a good father and grandfather who loved and took care of his family. This version of Jake is what Andrea chooses to remember. I can’t help but wonder if I would have the same capacity as Andrea to ignore something like murder. Would I be able to focus on the good parts of a person’s character after learning of an action like that? And why would I want to do that?

While watching the episode, my own appraisal of Jake Devins’ character fundamentally changes after learning that he frequently bullied Peter Sweeney with Bill and this bullying caused Peter’s death. I wonder how someone can go that far with hurting someone and still call it an “accident.” I wonder what kind of child Devins was growing up and the lack of empathy he would have had to be a bully. I think about the inability he and Bill had to tell the truth, which comes across as cowardice to me. Their actions led to the death of someone’s son, and Peter’s mom never gets any answers. She has to live the rest of her life not knowing what happened to her son.

It’s challenging to reconcile the two parts of Jake’s character that we see, the honorable, family-oriented sheriff, and the bully who killed a classmate. In the end, Devins’ family-oriented side wins when he sacrifices himself to save his daughter and grandson. But I can’t help but feel that doesn’t atone for his actions. Somehow Andrea is able to reconcile these two sides of her father. Maybe it’s because of the family bond they have. I am an outsider watching this happen, but if Jake was my father or my brother, my response might be different.

Character is not absolute, although at times we’d maybe like to think it is. It would make things simple for the bad guy to be all bad, and the good guys to be all good. But humans, and fictional characters, exist in the gray. Every one of us responds to that gray area differently. I extend lots of sympathy to Sam Winchester, for example, who in later seasons makes many questionable choices and endangers many people. But when I think about Sam, I don’t define him by those bad choices. I understand the reason he made the choices, and I believe that makes up for the actual content of the decisions he makes. Jake, however, was a bully. He wasn’t acting questionably for a noble cause, he was doing it to be mean and exert dominance. The intention behind the actions matters to me when I’m judging a character, but it's more challenging to judge a character when two juxtaposing actions exist in the same episode. Jake is both a murderer and a loving father/grandfather, and that makes his character very, very gray.

Again, there’s no right or wrong way to view this issue, but I’m offering my perspective as a point of observation. I think it can be useful to ask ourselves how we judge character, by what standards and to what degree of absoluteness, and consider when we are able to forgive or overlook bad choices. Understanding this can give us insights into how we punish and forgive those in our personal life, what issues we feel passionate enough about to draw a line on, and how we may vote on certain political issues. Learning how we respond to fictional characters can give us insight in how we respond to people and issues in real life.

Lectio Divina

The next segment of this letter is called “Lectio Divina,” which is a Christian spiritual practice for reading scriptures that involves interacting with the text on four different levels. I am following Harry Potter and the Sacred Text’s use of this practice and adapting it the best I can to the visual format. Normally, you pick a scripture or a line of text to analyze. I randomized numbers between 1 and 42 (the amount of minutes in the episode), and picked the first full line after the minute mark I was given.

Line: 5:00, “I’m agent Ford. This is agent Hamill. We’re with the U.S. wildlife service.” -Dean Winchester

Now we analyze this line on the four levels of Lectio Divina : literal (narrative), allegorical (metaphors and symbols), reflection (how do I connect to it), and invitational (what is the text asking of us or teaching us).

Literal: Dean and Sam are knocking on the door of the victim’s family. They’re posing as wildlife agents in order to get information from the family about what happened to the victim. They’re using aliases of actors, Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill, who are widely known for their roles as Han Solo and Luke Skywalker in the Star Wars franchise.

Allegorical/Symbolic: The names that Sam and Dean choose immediately jump out at me. The first thing I think of when I hear these names is Star Wars and then I think of the characters, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. The choice of these character names for Sam and Dean can give us an insight into how Sam and Dean are meant to be portrayed, and how Sam and Dean see themselves since Kripke has stated that Sam and Dean were originally based off of these characters. Perhaps Dean identifies with Han Solo, the rugged smuggler who’s a bit cocky but ends up having a heart of gold. But I’m not sure whether we can say that Sam identifies with Skywalker because we don’t know if he chose that alias. It seems more likely that Dean chose the alias’ in this situation.

Personal: Here, Sam and Dean are lying for a good cause, but their lie seems dangerous. I tend to think lying is a bad thing except for rare cases. Sometimes I might lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, but even the acceptableness of that is arguable. It’s hard for me to imagine posing as federal agents as comfortably as Sam and Dean seem to. I can imagine myself sweating, a knot in my stomach, and stuttering when I attempt to speak, but the fake agent names roll off Dean’s tongue as smooth as his own. In real life, I would argue against people posing as agents, but I’m supportive of what Sam and Dean are doing. Without their ability to pose as agents, their work would be nearly impossible. I can justify the use of their lying, but I don’t often justify lying in real life.

Invitational: I think this line is asking us to compare the characters of Sam and Dean with their alias’ characters, and to see what insights we can gather from this comparison. With these alias’ used so early in the first scene, I can’t help but think their use is significant, not random. And if we can compare the Winchesters with other fictional characters to gain insights into their characters, then I don’t think it’s too far a jump to say we can use fictional characters to gain insights into ourselves. Characters are powerful, just as powerful as the story itself, and I would argue that this ability to compare and relate to fictional characters is what gives power to a story. We can see pieces of ourselves and our own lives in a story, see courage in the face of hardship, and find inspiration to face our own tough choices. So maybe we can ask what Sam and Dean see in these Star Wars characters, and how might they gain inspiration from Han Solo and Luke Skywalker’s stories.

Before I finish this letter, I would like to end with a question for the audience. This question is for personal evaluation or contemplation, but if you would like a chance for your answer to be featured on the blog or to begin a discussion, please send your answers to my Tumblr inbox.

This week’s question:

Who is your favorite fictional “bad-guy-turned-good” character?

And last, but not least, a special thanks to our patrons!

Jamie S.

#dead in the water 1x03 #character #season 1

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imyourliquor-youremypoison · 5 years

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A Girl’s Best Friend (Peter Parker x OC) - Part 11

Synopsis: Diamonds are man’s best friend- or dogs are girls’ best friends, wait… how does the saying go again?

Warnings: Family issues; Peter has a crush and it’s complicated; mention of assault; good dogs; College AU; aged up! characters; TONY STARK IS ALIVE AND WE ALL LIVE IN A HAPPY PLACE CALLED DENIAL

Word count: 2.9k

Part 10 <<< >>> Part 12

MASTERLIST

“Are you sure?” Peter asked again, for the tenth time in a row, except with a different intonation.

“I am one hundred percent sure, yes,” Ned told him, for the tenth time in a row, with a slightly different phrasing each time. “If you ask me one more time, so help me, I will make the call myself and tell her embarrassing stories about you.”

Peter scoffed and tried to act confident, fists on his hips in a failed demonstration of self-assurance.

“What embarrassing stories?” he huffed, pretending he didn’t know exactly what Ned was talking about – there were many to choose from. “I don’t care, I’m not ashamed of anything.” That was the fattest lie he had ever told anyone, by a long stretch.

“Would be a first. But fine, I guess I can tell her about your twenty-first birthday part-“

Peter all but lurched forward to slam his hand over Ned’s mouth, despite being alone in his dorm room with no witness to hear the horrible story of his birthday party. To celebrate him becoming legal, his friends went… a little overboard, to put it nicely, and things quickly escalated from slightly over the top to out of control.

It was a night Peter hoped to forget one day.

Just then, Peter’s phone rang, and he knew who it was without checking the caller ID because he had put a personalized ringtone for four people: Ned, who was currently smiling under Peter’s hand, aunt May, Tony, and Emmeline.

“She’s calling!” Peter exclaimed, suddenly withdrawing his hand from Ned’s mouth. He put it on his head instead and pulled on his hair, feeling his heartbeat pick up pace. “What do I do?”

“You answer! That’s what you usually do when your phone rings!” Ned said, pointing out the obvious for his anxious friend. “Take a deep breath, don’t let her know you’re nervous, everything’s gonna go fine.”

“How do you know that?!” Peter whisper-shouted although there was no reason to keep a low voice.

“You just said the date went fine!” Ned whisper-shouted back, starting to feel Peter’s panic rub off on him. “What are you worried about? She’s calling first, it’s a good sign!”

“After two days of radio silence,” Peter pointed out, his phone still ringing.

“Maybe she was waiting for you to call first!” Ned replied. Peter gave him a blank stare, which then turned into guilt with a dash of embarrassment.

“It could be about our assignment too!” he deflected, stubbornly refusing to consider she was well and truly calling him simply because she wanted to talk to him.

Ned took things into his own hands and snatched Peter’s phone out of his hand to answer the call before he could take it back. Peter made wild hand gestures that were undoubtedly meant to stop Ned from doing just that, but it was too late.

“You’ve reached Peter Parker’s office; how may I help you?” Ned said before Peter could do anything about it expect rake him fingers through his hair to the point of hurting himself a little. He was going to change name, move out of the country, and lay low for the next ten years until Emmeline forgot about this.

“Ned, is this you?” she laughed into the phone. Peter could hear it all because Ned put it on speaker so he couldn’t miss a second of it.

He mouthed “I’m going to kill you” to his friend, who merely shrugged.

“No Ned here, only Peter’s secretary,” Ned said into the phone, holding Peter at a distance with his free arm and one leg too.

“Well, can I talk to your boss then?” Emmeline asked, playing along.

“Oh, I’m afraid he’s busy at the moment. He’s locked himself in the bathroom an hour ago, I don’t know what’s taking him so long in the shower-“

Peter had put on one of his web shooters and taken his phone back before Ned could finish his sentence.

“I’ll get back at you for this,” he whispered to Ned before attempting to kick him out of his dorm room.

“Hi? Peter, are you there?”

“Uh- h-hi Em,” Peter said in the phone, quickly turning off the speaker mode. Peter resumed his hectic arm-moving and mouthed angry things at his friend until finally he shooed Ned out of his dorm room. “What’s up?”

Ned was all too happy to leave now, he felt his mission was accomplished.

“Nothing much, just checking in,” she told him, and he could tell something was off by the tone of her voice. “No, that’s a lie. I wanted to ask you something, sorry.”

Something was definitely off, he had never heard her sound so nervous or apologetic before, so out of her depth. He felt like he was hearing himself.

“Sure, just ask,” he encouraged her, already knowing he would agree to anything she wanted. He didn’t have the kind of confidence or the will power it took to play hard to get. She got him already.

“It’s gonna sound weird,” she warned him. “I meant to ask you way earlier but kept delaying, it’s a little embarrassing actually,” she admitted. He could picture her pacing around her pristine white living room, rubbing her neck, maybe biting her nails. No, actually Emmeline Gerard would never bite her nails. “Also, it’s worse now that we’ve been on a date, like, I genuinely don’t know how to ask that without making it sound stupid, so I’m just going to say it. Are you still there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m all ears,” Peter assured her, sitting down to prevent himself from anxiously walking back and forth in his tiny room and most likely tripping on some discarded clothes at some point.

There was a sigh on the other end of the line, and Peter braced himself, not knowing what to expect. What could she possibly want to ask him that required this much introduction?

“Would you mind accompanying me to this year’s Christmas celebration at the Town Hall?”

His mind went blank, the gears in his brain working as fast as they could to figure out what exactly she was talking about.

“It’s a horrible idea, I’m sorry for asking,” Emmeline immediately said when he didn’t answer right away.

“No- no wait, what is this celebration thing? I-I’d love to come with you, I don’t have any plans!” He jumped from his bed, unable to stay still any longer.

He needed to stretch his legs, and also, he face-palmed himself for the way he had said that last part – as if he only hung out with her because he didn’t have anything better to do.

“Oh, it’s an official thing. There’s a dinner, a gala of sorts, followed by the mayor’s speech on TV. You know, it’s live every year on Christmas Eve,” she explained. “It’s a bit awkward to ask that, I know. My entire family will be there, and I don’t want to sound like the crazy girl who introduces a guy to all her relatives after one date, I just- I swear I meant to ask you weeks ago, and I don’t know who else to ask, and I really can’t do this on my own…”

The desperation and the hope were clear in her voice, which cracked a little towards the end. That she had a difficult relationship with her family was nothing new, and Peter couldn’t say he was surprised that she didn’t want to attend this event alone. He had never thought that being in the public eye was such a pain before becoming the target of paparazzi himself, although it was his alter ego and not himself that got all the attention.

But half of his brain was still stuck on the ‘first date’ part, pointing out that it implied a second date was to be expected. Peter’s eyes settled on Tessa’s sleeping figure in the corner, and he thought about all the reasons why he should say no, stay away from the cameras and the mayor, and what if Emmeline brought Bella? His entire cover might get blown up by her dog. How was he planning on dating her without ever meeting her dog? He hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“You don’t have to agree, I’ll just find another way to push through this evening. I get it if it’s too weird, or if it’s not your thing. God, it’s not even my thing, and I’ve been going since childhood-“

“You want me to meet your parents?” Peter cut her off when his brain finally caught up. The tiniest of smirks appeared on his face.

Emmeline frowned a little, only half sure he was pulling her leg.

“No! I mean yes, I guess, but that’s not the point. Fuck-“ she swore under her breath, obviously holding the phone away from her mouth for a moment. “I’m not asking you because I want to introduce you to my parents, I’m asking because I want you there and they just happen to be a part of this event too.”

“I’m just teasing you, Em,” Peter laughed, picturing the blush on her cheeks quite well.

He didn’t know what was up with that, but she blushed like crazy when he was around, yet he had never seen her get flustered by anything else. Maybe it was another superpower of his. Then again, he wouldn’t be so smug in front of her parents, in front of the mayor of New York city, who was going to glare at him because he was his daughter’s date.

“So what do you say? You’re allowed to say no, I wouldn’t hold it over your head. Trust me, if there was any way for me to get out of this, I would too.”

He swallowed thickly, glancing at his spider-suit hanging on his open closet door. Suddenly, he recalled what Tony had told him days ago, something about the mayor receiving death threats.

Truth was, Peter hadn’t imagined he would spend his Christmas Eve accompanying the girl he liked to an official event broadcasted live on TV while being on the watch-out for possible threats to her father’s life, but then again, nothing ever went according to plan. May wouldn’t like it, but his mind was made.

“Alright,” he said before he could come up with enough reasons to justify saying no – when really it was simply because he was scared. “Wait, it’s official you said, so there’ll be important people. Does it mean I have to wear a suit? I need to find one. Should I bring something? Wine? I don’t know anything about wine but I can ask around-“

He rambled on about wine for a minute or so, unable to shut his mouth although his brain told him that nothing he could afford would do the trick to seduce Emmeline’s parents if her apartment was any indication of the kind of money they had. Also, should he really be worried about winning over her parents when she so openly talked about her hostile relationship with them?

He only stopped talking when he heard Emmeline laugh.

“What is it?” he asked, smiling to himself.

“Nothing, I just…” She didn’t finish the sentence, but he heard her chuckle a bit. “Never change anything, Peter.”

“How do I look?” Peter asked, smoothing over his shirt while looking at his reflection in the mirror.

Tessa tilted her head then barked.

“Thanks!” He grinned, satisfied though nervous. This brought back awful prom memories with Liz and her father. Hopefully Emmeline’s father wouldn’t turn out to be a villain too, he wasn’t sure he could handle another. “Wish me luck, I’ll need it.”

When he was sure his Spider suit wasn’t sticking out of his clothes, Peter nodded to himself and put on his coat, ready to go. Opening the window, he fastened his web shooters and jumped off his building.

On the other side of the city, Emmeline was sitting on her bed, slipping on her heels and scratching Bella’s belly when she rolled on her back to ask for pats.

“It’s the first time I look forward to attending,” she mused to herself. “I just can’t wait to see mom’s face when she sees me; and when dad sees Peter! I hope their champagne goes down the wrong pipe,” she giggled, fully aware of how petty she sounded.

Truly, they had put her through so much during her childhood, she wished them nothing but a life full of tiny, minor inconveniences that would gradually drive them both crazy, being the control freaks they were. She was done being one of the things they controlled.

Without thinking much about it, she got up and walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, her eyes darting towards her balcony.

Spider-Man hadn’t shown up in a while, and she was beginning to think maybe superheroes went on Christmas breaks too. A part of her wished he would just swing by so she could give him her best wishes and thank him again for what he did for her – not just saving her that night in the alley but also pushing her to talk to Peter.

She still hadn’t mentioned her aggression, and maybe she never would, but it had done her the greatest good to open up to someone. To someone she liked a lot.

Just then, the doorbell rang, fortunately for her – because she didn’t want to venture on this path at the moment. Emmeline would never admit to having ran to the door, but she did. It swung open to reveal a very pampered Peter Parker that she had never seen before but what glad to meet.

“My, my, if I knew you cleaned up this good, I would have told you to wear a suit after all,” she said as a way of greeting, crossing her arms and letting her eyes scan him from head to toe to take it all in.

She had told him to drop the tux and suit and rather go for a clean, elegant shirt with jeans and dress shoes. He looked fantastic, and she didn’t spare the compliments despite the blatant pink of his cheeks and the way he avoided her eyes. Emmeline smiled larger and chuckled, gently smoothing over a wrinkle on his collar.

“Stop it,” he chuckled, stepping aside to let her through when Emmeline grabbed her coat and bag and closed the door behind them, ready to join that horrid party they would attend. “How can you say that about me when you- you look-“

He gestured vaguely at her while mouthing a ‘wow’ but didn’t finish his sentence, having no adequate word to describe her. She had outdone herself both for him and to stick it to her parents. They couldn’t act like she was twelve and New York’s sweetheart anymore. Emmeline had grown into a fine woman and she wanted them to finally acknowledge it. She wanted more people to start looking at her and see her, instead of her parents’ daughter.

Pastel and crème colors had been banned from her wardrobe. She wore a stunning knee-length wiggle dress whose black material caught the light and shimmered slightly. It was plain and elegant and she looked graceful and feminine and Peter’s jaw was hanging slightly open in a totally ungraceful manner until she shrugged on her coat, which made him came back to his senses.

“You’re right on time, as always,” she congratulated him. “I hope your aunt isn’t too mad at me for stealing you on Christmas Eve.” Emmeline winced a little but Peter brushed off her worries.

Peter blinked a couple times, thinking of the way May had first been upset and argued about the sudden plans, but quickly changed her attitude when he told her it was for a girl – everyone around him seemed desperate to hitch him up.

“She’s fine with me going out,” he said with a shrug.

“You’re a terrible liar.” She laughed. “It’s a quality. Now, off we go.”

“Will you be able to walk in these shoes?” he asked, worried already when he saw the vertiginous heels.

“We’re not walking, silly.” She swatted him with her purse. “A car is waiting for us outside. Dad’s way of making sure I don’t arrive in metro and ridicule him.”

“Would you do it if given the change though?”

“Without a second thought,” she told him, beaming at him as she exited the elevator. The employees all nodded at her on their way out, and Peter felt like he was walking with a celebrity on his arm.

“Anything I should know before we go into the shark tank?” Peter asked her, eyeing suspiciously the man who held the car door open for Emmeline and gave her a sweet little smile.

“Don’t look my mother in the eye and be ready to shake a lot of hands.” She placed a hand on his thigh when they were sitting, and the door was closed. There was a tainted glass window between them and the chauffeur to guarantee privacy.

He felt the engine start and the car pull into traffic.

“Yeah, I think I can handle that,” he said, puffing out his chest to make her smile when he felt the tension in her hand. She gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Hey, relax,” Peter tried to reassure her.

She had been right in saying she was a good actress. Emmeline looked impeccable, confident and ready to conquer the world, but if you took so much as a second to really look at her, you could see the cracks in her façade.

It came naturally to take her hand in his and bring it up to his lips and kiss her knuckles. She stared with wide eyes, lips slightly parted in astonishment.

“Everything will be fine. I’ll stay by your side all night.”

Reblog to save a writer

Taglist: @of-virtuoso @the-freefeather @justanothercynicalgenzkid

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rubyleaf · 5 years

Text

I may be one of two people who ship this, but I’ll be damned if I let that stop me from producing content anyway. Also a study of Momoya’s character since he’s pretty hard to grasp. Anyway, have fun I guess?

Momoya Natsu has always been most comfortable keeping people at a safe distance.

It’s not that he dislikes people, not particularly. He doesn’t mind shallow company every once in awhile, the kind where you only talk about inconsequential things and part ways having enjoyed the time, but not particularly sad to say goodbye. No, a dislike is really not the issue here.

The problem is just that being around people exhausts him to no end.

Interacting with others, Natsu finds, is always a minefield. One wrong word, one wrong reaction, and someone gets hurt or upset or angry or forms a bad opinion. And all that means conflict, and conflict is stressful. Honest opinions. Honest feelings. Any of them can blow up in his face at the slightest misstep, and the closer the relationship, the bigger the explosion.

So he avoids getting close. He avoids the responsibility, the commitment that comes with close bonds. He avoids showing his true thoughts and emotions. They’re often unpleasant, regularly hurtful, and it’s so much less trouble to hide them behind a mask of politeness, amicability and slight mischief. People find him nice, but nothing more. He’s fading in and out of their lives as he pleases, never tied down but never alone.

And it’s okay, really, except that this masquerade drains him out and leaves his battery at zero after a few hours.

But oh, well. It should still be okay, as long as no one tries to push his boundaries. And if they do, he can still be polite and slip away from their grasp.

Right?

---

Natsu first starts questioning his strategy when he realizes it might not work on Yoshinaga Atsumu.

Slipping away from an acquaintance getting too close is one thing. Escaping from someone who’s in both the same class and the same club as him and insists on following him around like a lost puppy dog, however, is another thing entirely.

Natsu doesn’t know what the guy sees in him. He doesn’t know why he always insists on inviting him places, looking out for him, offering help, seeking him out when he’s skipping, reporting to him about club meetings he missed. Yoshinaga should worry about himself first. Natsu can manage fine on his own.

But he also knows Yoshinaga means well, he does all this because he’s a good kid, and so he remains polite and responds to all his offers with a friendly but distant smile.

A normal person would probably give up after some time. But not Yoshinaga. He doesn’t seem to have any concept of personal space.

Natsu works during club meetings, and Yoshinaga takes notes. Natsu tries to skip, and Yoshinaga finds him. Natsu tries to excuse his way out of club hangouts, found family that they are, and Yoshinaga invites him anyway.

One would really think he’d get the hint at some point. But he doesn’t. He just keeps trying.

“Sorry,” Yoshinaga says after interrupting Natsu and Mika for what feels like the millionth time. How exactly he keeps finding them is a mystery, honestly. “I don’t mean to always, you know... to...”

And yet you do, Natsu thinks irritably, but puts on a smile. “I already told you,” he says, “don’t worry about it. It really is my fault for doing this at school.”

“But—”

“It’s fine,” Natsu repeats. Really, what a pain. His smile remains unwavering. “What do you need me for?”

“The—the meaning of the song.” Yoshinaga looks all eager again, his one uncovered eye sparkling the way it always does when it comes to the club. “The others are trying to figure it out, and—and I thought we should get your opinion too.”

Natsu inclines his head. “What for?”

“Well, you’re part of the club too, aren’t you?”

So straightforward. So shiny-eyed and earnest. Natsu has never been good with enthusiastic people. But even he has to admit there’s something nice about this face. Something... almost endearing, really. Maybe that’s another reason why he’s so lenient with Yoshinaga, because you can’t really be mad at these puppy-dog eyes.

“I am,” he says, choosing his words carefully. “But I don’t have any particular opinions. I’m fine with whatever the others agree on.”

Yoshinaga’s face falls visibly. Natsu struggles to keep up his smile. Making this guy disappointed really does feel a bit like stepping on a puppy’s paw.

“I don’t think you need an interpretation to play well in the first place,” he adds. “At least not one you can put into words.” And besides, he continues in his head, these people should get the rhythm right before they get into the interpretations.

Yoshinaga looks puzzled. “You think so?”

“It’s just my opinion. You don’t have to believe it,” Natsu replies, ducking out through the door. “Anyway, see you.”

Before Yoshinaga can try to stop him, he has slipped away.

---

Some time later the messages start.

Natsu has excused himself from joining the club group chat, but several of his clubmates have his Line ID anyway. Most of them don’t message him much. Sometimes Mizuhara-senpai does, but it’s generally short conversations, all of them club-related.

Yoshinaga, meanwhile, seems determined to make up for the rest of them.

They’re not even invasive messages. They’re generally about the club, telling him what happened at practice, or the newest ideas and decisions, or something about classes and homework. But they’re frequent. Every day, sometimes several times. And it’s honestly getting stressful.

Not that he can say anything. He can’t express such feelings. Be amiable and polite, conceal, don’t feel. He replies to each message dutifully. Generally Yoshinaga is too shy to continue the conversation for long, anyway.

He does use cute stickers, Natsu thinks. And emojis. And his messages are so optimistic it’s almost contagious. Maybe it would be if Yoshinaga didn’t keep on hoping to see the same enthusiasm from him someday.

It’s nice. But it’s definitely too close for comfort. Each person in Natsu’s life has their own space where he’s willing to interact with them. Outside of it he’d rather be left alone. Yoshinaga’s is school. That’s it.

But it’s not like he can tell him that, so he remains friendly and bears the stress in silence.

---

Momoya-kun, I’ve been wondering, where do you even work?

The message makes Natsu freeze up. Too close. Definitely too close. The messages related to club and school, those he could still tolerate. But this is something personal. This, if he gives way to it, will eventually lead to more personal questions. And he doesn’t want that. It gets too close.

Another message pops up, but it doesn’t make it any better. I’m just curious since it keeps you so busy all the time, and I realized I don’t know. I don’t know anything about you.

No. He won’t answer. It may be a simple question. But Yoshinaga’s space is school. He can’t step into the rest of his life. No one can. It’s too much.

So, just once, he leaves him unread. He hates himself for it, but he does. At least for now, until he has figured out what to do about the message.

He’s not surprised to find Yoshinaga approaching him at school the next day, eyeing him with that shy, anxious look. “Um...” he says. “I’m just wondering, but my messages... Did they arrive yesterday?”

Oh, snap. Natsu knew he wouldn’t get away with it. Unless...

“You messaged me?” he replies. “Sorry, I didn’t see. My phone stopped working, I need to get it fixed.”

It sounds like too much of an easy lie, but Yoshinaga buys it. “Really?” he exclaims. “I’m sorry to hear it! If you need anything—”

“Thank you,” Natsu says, smiling. “But don’t worry. I’ll probably have it working again by this evening.”

Now he just needs to figure out what to do about the messages until then.

---

By the evening Natsu still hasn’t figured out what to do. His phone is still off, the messages unread. Maybe he’ll have to lie and claim the fixing will take longer than expected after all.

Instead he goes to play the drums to clear his mind. Here, at least, he is safe. Here he can let loose. Here he can be himself and let out his stress and emotions and doesn’t have to worry about holding back.

And really, today he needs it.

It’s not that he dislikes Yoshinaga, really. He rather likes him. He just needs his space. A lot of space. And he’s afraid of anyone intruding on it. Anyone trying to initiate a closer friendship feels like a red flag to him, a sign to get out and never come back. It’s too much, the pressure, the responsibility.

Can’t he just get away from everything for some time? Withdraw, disappear, until his batteries are recharged and he has any clue what to do?

Finishing his improv session, Natsu takes a deep breath and a gulp of water. His eyes roam over the venue—and freeze.

Standing among the audience is a familiar figure.

Too much. Too close.

Natsu jumps to his feet. He feels like a stranger walked into his room unbidden, like someone read his diary. This is his safe zone, his private space. Nobody he knows can set a foot here unless he invites them himself.

“You,” he says, forgetting to smile, forgetting his politeness. “What are you doing here?”

Yoshinaga blinks at him, clearly startled by his mood. “I was just passing by,” he says. “And then I heard the drumming and got curious... Should I not have come here?”

Too much. Too much.

“You shouldn’t,” says Natsu, backing away. “You shouldn’t follow me around at all! What are you, a lost puppy?” Yoshinaga flinches, but Natsu’s walls have already cracked; there’s no stopping the next words. “Just stop being clingy and leave me alone!”

Yoshinaga backs away. “I didn’t know it was you,” he stammers. “Honest! Your drumming was just really good and—”

“Get out.”

Yoshinaga pales.

“Get out,” Natsu repeats. “And don’t ever try to follow me around again.”

There’s a beat of silence. Then tears well up in Yoshinaga’s eyes, and he turns around and runs out through the door.

Little by little common sense returns to Natsu’s brain.

What has he done?

Is he an idiot?

He has been trying to hold back for so long, and now this?

Isn’t this situation the very thing he has always been trying to avoid?

“Yoshinaga!” he calls, running after him. “Wait!”

His feet carry him outside. He looks right and left. No trace of Yoshinaga.

“Yoshinaga?” he calls again, but there’s no answer.

“I’m sorry,” he says. By now his voice is quiet. The sound is swallowed up by the rush of the passing cars.

He is alone.

---

Yoshinaga doesn’t look at him the entire next day. Natsu tries to catch his gaze several times but is only met with brown eyes fixing on the textbooks or the board or the lunchbox. He doesn’t look angry, just sad. Hurt. Somehow that’s worse.

Natsu wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what. An apology, probably. A proper one. He’s not much good with those. It’ll require sincerity. Being open about something he’s always hated talking about.

The day passes. They don’t talk between classes or during lunch break. After school Natsu meets with Mika in the staircase again. His heart and mind aren’t in it. He always keeps hoping for a head of dark hair to show up around the corner, asking him to go to club.

In the end he gives up. “Sorry,” he tells Mika. “I’m not in the mood today. I’ll make it up to you, promise.”

His feet carry him to the club room. Outside the door he stops. Hesitates.

There’s music coming from inside. It has improved a lot since he last heard it. Instinctively Natsu tries to tell who’s playing which parts. He finds he can’t remember.

That’s right, I never really fit in here.

The music stops. “Much better,” Akira-sensei tells the group. “Mizuhara-kun, you’ve improved again.”

“Yay!” That’s Mizuhara-senpai’s voice. “It’s because I’m playing with Yoshiyan. He’s really easy to match with!”

Natsu holds his breath.

“R-Really?” Yoshinaga stutters out. “Um... thank you!”

“It’s because Yoshinaga-kun looks out for others so much,” says Kurusu-senpai. “It makes playing with him really easy!”

Natsu doesn’t wait around. He turns on his heels and flees the place. Where to, he doesn’t know. Just out of this school. Away from everything.

He ends up in a playground, empty at this hour. Closing his eyes, he sits on the swing. Time passes around him. The world stands still.

What’s Yoshinaga thinking, trying to reach out to him? He’s already part of their family. He has enough people around him. There’s no need to include Natsu. They’d both be happier if they left each other alone.

But at the same time he misses him. A lot more than he’d expect.

Does he want him around? Does he not?

The rustle of footsteps snaps him out of his thoughts. He turns around.

His eyes meet with a familiar dark one.

Yoshinaga freezes, then turns around on his heel. In a hurry he scrambles back between the trees, towards the road. Natsu winces. Don’t ever try to follow me around again. This is his fault.

“Yoshinaga,” he calls as he runs after him. “Wait.”

He doesn’t answer. He keeps on running.

Natsu takes a deep breath. What he’s about to do frightens even himself.

“Atsumu!”

Yoshinaga stops.

With a few quick strides Natsu is beside him, feeling strangely exposed. He doesn’t like this. He wants to leave.

He stands his ground.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, completely sincerely. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

Yoshinaga lifts his hands, backing away. “No, it’s fine—”

“You just startled me,” Natsu continues. “And I was having a bad day and then I lost my self-control. Sorry you had to take the brunt of that.”

“It’s really okay.”

Natsu meets Yoshinaga’s gaze and finds him smiling. “You know,” he says, “I never understood what you were thinking. But yesterday, for the first time, I felt like you were being honest with me.”

Natsu is speechless. Something unnamed stirs in his chest.

“But I hurt you,” he manages out at last. “I made you cry.”

Yoshinaga shakes his head. “It’s not the end of the world,” he says. “I’m just glad you told me the truth!”

A burden falls of Natsu’s shoulders, a burden that he never knew was there in the first place.

It’s okay if he’s honest, Yoshinaga tells him. It’s okay to express his thoughts and emotions. Even the ones that can hurt.

Should he...?

“Let’s sit down,” he says, smiling again, a little more genuine than before. “I think I owe you an explanation.”

---

Atsumu, he thinks as he sits down in his room that night, feeling calmer than he has in weeks. He picks up his phone. The messages are still unread.

It’s ironic, really. They’ve had this entire conversation, and Yoshinaga—no, Atsumu has agreed to be more careful with Natsu’s personal space. He asked him to tell him whenever he oversteps a boundary and everything, and suddenly Natsu doesn’t feel so stressed over him reaching out anymore. Suddenly he doesn’t mind having him in his life a bit more. Even outside of school.

So he types a response. Atsumu replies almost at once. Natsu keeps the conversation going. He doesn’t know why. He just feels like it.

Maybe it’s because he suddenly feels a lot safer.

Atsumu.

Natsu smiles.

Maybe letting someone a bit closer doesn’t always have to be bad. He just needed to find the right person first.

#warning: LONG POST #kono oto tomare!#natsumu #momoya natsu #yoshinaga atsumu #headcanons #me and my writings #long post

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ibangtanthings · 5 years

Text

Fake Love - pt 3

gif

“I wanted to tell you before the others..."

Jungkook seemed worried now. "Is it something serious? Is something wrong?"

"No." You assured. "Things are fine...it's just that we've known each other for a while now and we've gotten really close but there's something I've been keeping to myself. Something you might not understand at first."

"But you can tell me anything..at least, I thought you knew that. I mean, I know we hardly ever have serious conversations but we're best friends aren't we?"

~~~

"Noona is that you?" He knocked on the door.

You sniffled and sat with your back against the door to make sure he wouldn't get in.

"What's wrong? Open the door." He said.

"I'm fine." You answered with a tiny shaky voice.

That only made him more anxious.

"Noona open the door. Let me see that you're fine." He said more sternly.

Embarrassed, you didn't want this to escalate anymore, especially over something so stupid as your emotions.

You stood up, turned around and unlocked the door. "I thought I told you not to call me that." You said, walking past him, trying to prevent him from seeing your swollen face.

"You're not fine." He said as he grabbed your arm and turned you around. He saw your face and he was holding you so tight you couldn't move away. "You're not fine, tell me what's wrong."

"Jungkook-" you began, seemingly bothered.

"What? Are you annoyed? You want me to give you space? Leave you alone to keep feeling bad? If it were me, would you just leave me alone? Answer honestly and I'll go if that's what you really choose." He said. You were kind of surprised at his tone. Yet he seemed so mature in that moment.

If it we're him, you wouldn't have left him alone either.

"What's wrong Y/N?" He asked again, wiping one of your fallen tears away.

You caught his hand. "Not here." You looked around.

The two of you were standing in the middle of the dance room. He had found you hiding out in the closet where all the props were stored.

You led him back into the room and he didn't want to let go of your hand so you guys sat side by side. Your hand was on your knee and his hand remained over yours.

"It's stupid..."

"I want to hear it." He said immediately.

You looked at him and his eyes assured you that he was there for you. How funny it seemed that just a few days ago you were thinking about how lucky he was being so young and naive. Now he was the one to bring you comfort along with a sense of security as he gave off a protective vibe.

"I was just remembering my old life...you know, back in the city. I got sad remembering some of the things I used to do every week.....My old routines and certain places I would go."

"You got homesick." Jungkook replied knowingly.

"But it's stupid. I left because I hated it there."

"Still, it's where you grew up. It's okay to miss things. Don't feel like you have to hate everything about it if you don't."

"How can I move on if I don't hate it? If I keep remembering the good stuff then I'll never move on. I can't go back."

"Why not?" He asked, trying to understand.

You looked at him and wondered.

Could you tell him? Would he pity you? Would he be surprised?

He thought you came here to pursue a music career but that wasn't the truth.

The truth was that you started out in the music industry alongside your ex-boyfriend. You were his producer and he was a singer.

The guys knew that you helped launch his career but you gave him a fake name, a rapper that recently blew up in the states.

They didn't know you two were together at one point and that he was actually a singer, a very good one at that.

So you let them think he was rapper but he was a singer and sometimes they played his songs.

Namjoon particularly loved his music and rightfully so, but each time his song came on the radio you had get away somehow. You couldn't listen to his voice.

Things between you two started off like any terrible romance movie.

It was just the two of you creating music so different that the genre hardly existed in the mainstream area.

Songs about romance were typical but these songs talked about the ugly side of love.

Yet you and him were more in love than ever.

His first EP did well. It got him a sufficient fanbase and it marked your first credited work. You two continued to work on new music and released the songs as they came.

This created a huge demand for a full length album but you guys lacked the funds for it to be as great as you envisioned it to be. As the fanbase grew steadily, the demand did too and labels began to notice.

Contracts were flooding his way.

Everything fell into place so perfectly. He said he wouldn't sign with anyone unless you were signed on as a co-producer too.

The labels worried about the relationship since you guys were just young lovers. No one knew about your relationship except the labels. The fans knew your name only because they hailed you as a great producer along his side. They encourage your friendship and we're excited to see if you would produce his next album as well.

With the looming demand for his next project, the labels agreed to hire you as a producer.

With a couple of signatures on paper, you guys now had money and fame.

Your names would pop up together all the time as the next great creators in the music industry. He was getting prepped to be a star while you were getting calls left and right from artists that wanted to be the next big thing.

But under contract, you were to focus on ****'s next album before working with other artists outside the label. That was not an issue since you and him were very much focused on his music and each other.

What was better than working with the person you loved? As far as anyone who knew could tell, you guys were the definition of soul mates. Perfect for each other.

Two young lovers somehow made their dreams come true.

Eventually he proposed in the simplest way possible.

It was right before the tour began.

One night in the studio he said he had an idea for a song so he pulled out a ukulele and started singing. He asked you to marry him and you obviously said yes.

Even now, admittedly.....he had your favorite voice in the whole world. You loved everything about his voice. Even when he spoke, you adored his speech and felt such comfort with each syllable.

No one could ever remove his voice from your memory.

The marriage was to be postponed until after the first tour.

Little did you know that tour would be the end of everything.

Touring was tough, especially on him but there were so many factors that led to his corruption.

At first it was fun, there was no denying that the rush of living out your dreams was incredible and worth every effort.

What started as celebratory gestures became endless rounds of booze and drugs. People left and right we're joining the crew, and they felt like friends at the beginning, but not your friends, his.

Why? Well, because he was the star. He was the one funding everything.

Partying each and every night when he should've been resting for the next stop, took a toll on you both.

Once the tour was over, the label expected another great project. That's the whole reason why you were to go on tour with him in the first place.

But with the hectic schedule, time with him felt restricted.

Only during the after parties did you guys really find time for yourselves without the worries about work.

But even then, free time was a rare occasion.

It got to a point where you two would disappear from the party just to fuck somewhere else and come back later, very inconspicuously.

Everyone knew what you two were up to, it was no secret.

You didn't like how crazy things were getting so you told him to go easy on the alcohol and drugs. It was already affecting his energy. The more you reminded him about the work, the more defensive he got and he fell harder into the party habits.

Things became worse and worse very quickly.

Fight after fight, he pushed you away. He cheated multiple times and it hurt you in a way that you didn't know was possible. Yet you stayed, hoping he could focus on what you guys had before.

But it was too late. His so called friends were practically using him. He was addicted to his ways of self medication. He had no focus anymore.

He was a different person most of the time.

When he was sober and in your bed however, he was absolutely the love of your life again.

Leaving his arms felt so wrong. You knew you couldn't live without him. You knew it but you were so weak and dumb.

After time and time again with the lies, the cheating, the fighting, the became relationship was so toxic that you finally wanted to leave.

You needed to leave for your own sanity. He was lost. He was suffering.

You knew that but you also knew that you couldn't help him. You couldn't save him from himself. Maybe leaving him would help him realize that this wasn't a game anymore.

When you had packed your bags and told him you were going home, he refused to acknowledge the end of your matrimonial engagement.

He wouldn't let you leave.

You had no choice but to leave when he wouldn't notice or be able to stop you.

Whatever love he ever felt for you turned into anger instantly.

He accused you of quitting without just reason. He told the label you were caught working for an artist outside the company.

With just those false accusations, the label took the few demos you guys had completed under full ownership.

Your equipment back at the studio was confiscated and they extracted every last track you had saved.

All of your hard work was now theirs.

He let them steal your content and he used it for his next album anyways.

The worst part was that you were the one painted out to be the bad guy. You were the one who was blackballed in the industry when his album did extremely well.

He changed the lyrics to a lot of the songs you guys created together, sending subliminal messages, making you the evil person in the relationship. Some of the lyrics however, we're brutally honest. They relayed your relationship truthfully and it hurt.

Jungkook held you tight in his arms now, trying to get you to stop shaking as you sobbed.

"They didn't stop there. The label threatened anyone who tried to meet with me. By then I had no more money. They sent loan sharks to threaten me....I had no choice but to move. Bang PD found me and I begged him to help me. I got on my knees and begged him to bring me here."

"Thank God he took you away from there. You're safe here now, you know that. You have me too, and everyone else. Fuck that guy and everything he did to you. You have every right to miss home. You grew up there. It might have become a living hell after everything that's happened but don't let him ruin everything for you. Don't let him win like that." He replied.

You realized that he was right. You couldn't let your stupid ex-boyfriend and shitty label continue to torment your mind if it was a thing of the past now. You were happy now.

"I miss this bakery I used to go to. They had the best milk tea."

"Milk tea?" He repeated. "I can get you that here. We can taste test a million of them until you find one that you like."

"Really?" You smirked. "That's ridiculous."

"Anything to get rid of homesickness. Sometimes our managers drive really far when we're in the states, just to get us Korean food." He explained.

"Right...you guys probably experience homesickness more than I do." You felt a bit embarrassed again for being so self centered.

He squeezed you in his arms again and gently swayed from side to side as he let out a big sigh. "Promise me you won't lock the door ever again. I need you to talk to me. Don't shut me out. How can I be your best friend if you push me away?"

"I promise." You nodded.

"Seriously Y/N, tell me if anything happens. If you're worried or afraid, tell me, tell Bang PD. We can always figure it out together."

~~~

He had managed to calm you down from that panic attack quickly. You felt much better about the past after that. You hadn't broken down in such a way since. That was when you really knew that Jungkook was your closest friend. That was when you really began to feel comfortable around him.

"We are best friends." You said. "I trust you. I just don't want you to think that I kept this from you for any particular reason other than the fact that it has to do with Yoongi....who is also your best friend."

"What about Yoongi?" He said anxiously. "Is work not going well?"

"Jungkook...." You looked away. "We're dating...Yoongi and I...we are together." You said looking at your fidgeting hands.

He just giggled, much to your surprise.

"Good one." He smirked. "I'm not falling for it, you have to try harder but be warned, I'm great at pranks too."

He got up to start the game console but before he could reach for the controller you blocked his way.

"I'm not....I'm not joking. You can ask him right now. He wouldn't joke about something like this."

Jungkook was the type to refuse to believe you without proof so you dialed Yoongi right there.

"Right. You guys are obviously in on this together. He's going to say 'yeah, we're dating or whatever' but I still won't believe it. He's been trying to come for my title as your best friend. Is that what you guys do now? Joke around like this?" He scoffed. "I can plan way better pranks."

"Hey, what's going on?" Yoongi asked through the phone.

"Come to Kookie's room.....I uhm...told him about us but he doesn't believe me. I should've told you I was going to tell him. I'm sorry, I just couldn't lie to him anymore. He thinks I'm playing some kind of joke."

"Haha. You're a great actress. You probably aren't even talking to him." Jungkook happily continued to put on the video game.

"It's okay. Open the door." Yoongi said and within a few seconds he had made his way over from his room.

"Where are you going?" Jungkook asked as you walked to the door.

Jungkook's expression changed once he saw Yoongi.

"You calling my girlfriend a liar?" He asked.

"No. That's Y/N, she's not your girlfriend..." Jungkook said blankly.

"We aren't joking...look I didn't say anything before because I wanted to protect her. Once people find out they'll treat her differently. I know this might be weird but it really isn't. We've been getting to know each other for a while and things just grew from there, I don't know. Do I really need to explain how this happened?" Yoongi gave him a look.

"That your dating my best friend? YEAH. How come you never mentioned anything before?" Jungkook looked back at you. "You never once mentioned that you were starting to feel something for each other. I thought we could talk about anything."

"That doesn't mean she has to tell you everything." Yoongi added. "This wasn't something that was planned. It just happened, and in order to protect her we decided it was best if people got to know her a little bit better. Once she gets settled inside the company, perhaps it'll be less shocking once we tell the rest of the staff."

"It's you were talking about." Jungkook stated, clearly upset now. "It's shocking nonetheless."

"I didn't think you would react this way, I'm sorry. I should have swallowed my pride and told you sooner."

"Don't worry about it. I'll get over it eventually." He said walking away.

"Wait, Jeon Jungkook." Yoongi called.

The door slammed shut behind him and you felt a huge weight press on your shoulders.

Where is he going? You were in his room...

"Hey, it's fine." Yoongi said, seeing you frown. He hugged you from behind. "Let him cool off a little. He needs his space."

You knew then where he was going. He was going back to the office building. He was going back to the closet where he once found you crying.

"No....I need to talk it out with him."

"I'm telling you, he's fine."

"Yoongi, think about it. This is serious. If he's not okay with this then it'll make things harder."

"For you, not for me."

"Yoongi." you sighed, turning around to face him.

"I've known him longer. Can you please just trust me on this one? Give it until tomorrow." He said.

You didn't want this to become an issue, so you agreed.

At first you thought Yoongi didn't care about Jungkook's opinion but he did. Sometimes he could be harsh but he even talked to you about it as you pondered what to say to him tomorrow.

Yoongi felt bad that Jungkook was taking it so strongly so he worried about what the others would say.

Most of all he wondered when you and Jungkook got so close that it would bother him so much.

You didn't want to tell him about your breakdown in the closet and the whole story about your ex. It was embarrassing.

Yoongi only saw you as this strong and independent creator that made a name for herself in the states. He only knew of the positive angles that the media reported when things were good. He had no idea about the bad stuff that went down.

You didn't want him to see you as weak or stupid for putting up with all that stuff and then running away.

That was the last thing you wanted him to see you as....

The next day Jungkook was no where to be found. He skipped the early morning recording session and the guys thought it was really unlike him so they got worried.

You and Yoongi had to spill the beans about what happened. The guys were supportive but they understood Jungkook's struggle.

Maybe it wasn't necessarily about the two of you being together but if the relationship ended badly then it would place him in a really bad spot. It would make everything more awkward. He would be torn between two people he cares about.

You hadn't thought of that and even worse....what the guys didn't know is that Jungkook knew the type of person you were. He knew that if things ended badly, you would probably run away again.

"I didn't think this thing through all the way.." you admitted.

"I did. I knew what this meant when I asked you out....Does this mean you've changed your mind?" Yoongi asked seriously.

"No. Of course not." You assured him. "I'm late for a meeting. I'll talk to you later."

"Wait." He said stopping you in your tracks.

You walked back over to him and he seemed anxious.

There was a tension building up between the two of you. If things continued this way then surely it would result in your first fight.

"I'm sorry." He said, making your heart melt. "I'll talk to him the next time I see him."

"When I said I didn't think this through, it wasn't because I was regretting our decision to be together. I'm sorry my wording was dumb."

"I love you...You know I never wanted this. I just wanted to make music. If we can do that together, for as long as possible then I'll be happy. This fame doesn't mean anything to me."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him. "Would you really choose me over them? I won't let you. Don't make me the reason you guys fall apart. You guys mean a lot to a lot of people.....I think I know where he is. I'm going to look for him after my meeting."

"Okay. I'll see you tonight then." He kissed you again.

You felt butterflies in your stomach. You guys were so close to arguing but he handled everything so well.

This is what a real relationship is like...

This is how healthy relationships should function....

Or so you thought...

"Hey." You said softly and he gave you a weak "hey" back.

He was sitting in the closet, a bottle of water on his right and a pillow on his left.

"Did you sleep here?" You asked.

He didn't answer but he patted the pillow, motioning for you to sit down.

You did and there was a long silence.

He didn't seem angry, more like depressed.

"I'm sorry." You finally said.

He turned to you and shook his head. "Don't...." He turned away again. "If you really love him then I'm happy he has someone like you."

"If things don't work out-"

"I'll side with you." He said.

"What?" You had a case of Deja Vu. Yoongi was saying the exact same thing before.

"If you guys break up. I won't be his friend anymore, just yours."

"That makes no sense."

It sounded so immature when he said that. As if choosing sides was necessary.

"If he breaks your heart, I won't be able to forgive him." Jungkook said firmly. "You are a good person. He is questionable sometimes."

Again, he proved you wrong. He wasn't being immature, he was just worried about you and for some reason it made you upset.

"Why is everything so black and white when you talk about our relationship?"

"He is a very black and white person. Things are simple to him. That might hurt you in the end." He stated.

Was he trying to convince you or warn you that dating Yoongi was a mistake?

"If you're worried that a breakup could lead to your friendship falling apart, you have every right to be mad at me. I didn't think about that but I doubt that could happen. This isn't a game to either one of us. We made this decision together. We aren't just testing the waters. We're serious about each other. If it ends, it doesn't mean it'll end on bad terms. You're young, and you might not understand but-"

"I'm tired of you assuming I don't understand because I'm younger than you." He raised his voice slightly. "It's only a couple of years. I know what it's like to care about someone so much it hurts. I know what a relationship is. You may think I'm overreacting but if you guys break up then this isn't just something to put in the past. You work here. You have to see him everyday and you have no where else to go. Will you leave to some other foreign land where no one knows you? Will you be able to say goodbye to me so easily?"

"I can't promise that won't happen but it won't be easy leaving. It never is." You replied.

"I'll tell him everything then. You won't leave without him knowing the truth. I will tell everyone everything."

"I know you. I know you would never do that. You're talking as if this is definite. You're talking as if we already broke up."

"I wish you guys would! He is so arrogant and selfish for even considering this as a possibility, but why should I be surprised? The band means shit to him." He yelled.

You couldn't reply back. He was right. You knew he was right, and he knew it too by your lack of response.

"Why would you consider it too?" He asked, defeated. There were tears in his eyes.

"Because I love him Jungkook....I don't know what else to say but I'm sorry. I wish I had told you sooner." You got up.

You wanted to hide your face as always. He followed you and he spun you around.

"No I am." He said placing a hand on your cheek and his forehead against yours. "I'm sorry."

"What are you saying Jungkook?" You felt your cheeks flush. "Please don't be upset. Don't cry."

His face was so close to yours and you could almost hear his heart racing too.

His lips met yours and you backed away immediately.

"Jungkook!" You held him back.

"I was in love with you and yet you never even noticed. For that I'm sorry. From now on, you can be happy with him and when he hurts you please don't come crying to me."

"I don't- Are you saying we're not friends anymore?" You asked.

You could forgive him for stealing a kiss but for behaving this way in general and ending your friendship so abruptly, you felt hurt.

"That's exactly what I'm saying." He said, pushing your hand away.

He got up and left. You were frozen in place, wondering how he could treat you like that.

He was the one acting like your friendship meant nothing now. He was done pretending to be your friend when he really wanted more and it hurt to know that he was hiding that this whole time.

You replayed his words over and over again. He was a fake.

This whole time, he was trying to be the Jungkook you liked the most, not himself.

You ran outside the door but he was already gone so you ran back to the studios to find Yoongi who was no where in sight.

Your emotions got the better of you and people saw you crying as you rushed to leave the building. They were tears of anger and hurt.

Jungkook probably felt the same way but you couldn't pity him. He brought this onto himself. He was no longer your friend.

______

Part 4

#bts fanfics #bts fics #bts fan fiction #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook #yoongi #jeon jungkook #min yoongi #kookie #suga #min suga fanfic #jungkook fanfics #bts au

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