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lovesosweeet · 6 months

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better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty eight

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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october 1, 2018 san diego, california orion

I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve seen Calum’s reaction coming. I know him so well that I should have been able to predict how he would react to my confession, but, I guess it was a situation that nobody really knows how they’ll react to until they’re in the moment. The look on his face when I told him… I never want to see that level of anger and disappointment and heartbreak on anyone’s face, ever again.

It felt like a punch to my gut, over and over. It felt like my heart was ripped from my chest when Calum stormed off.

Afterwards, I spend a few minutes sobbing, hyperventilating, and freaking out in my car when he leaves me alone. I know he wants to spend some time on his own, but I feel like I have to at least try to run after him, after I gave him some space to process what I’ve just told him. I collect myself a tiny bit before I run into the venue, finding everyone, except for Calum, in the green room.

They all notice me immediately, and I’m sure the tears running down my face, red cheeks, and ragged breathing made it clear that I’m upset. Luke starts to step toward me, his face full of concern, but Ashton beats him to it, stepping directly in front of Luke to block him.

“O, are you alright?”

I grab his arm and pull him into the corner, away from everyone else as much as possible without going to a different room.

When I try to say something, all that comes out is more crying. I can’t say it. I can’t say that Calum is absolutely livid that I hadn’t told him until now. I can’t say that it felt like he handed me his barely beating heart before he ran away.

Despite the many awful conversations with Ashton telling me I shouldn’t keep my diagnosis a secret, he’s nothing but sympathetic in the wake of my relationship getting absolutely fucked. He wraps his arms around me tightly and rests his head on top of mine, my body shaking as I cry even harder into his shirt.

“You told him, I take it?” He asks.

I sniffle, trying again to be able to say something, but the words get caught in my throat.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. It’s all gonna be okay, alright? You guys will be fine. Just give him a chance to come to terms with everything. It’s a lot to take in, and you know he’s avoidant.” He rubs his hands up and down my back, trying to calm me down, but it just makes it all worse. “He loves you. Nobody can deny it. Love is the most powerful thing in the universe. You guys will be fine.”

I ruined everything. Ashton’s positivity feels toxic rather than comforting.

It takes a few minutes, but I manage to stop sobbing enough to speak.

“I’m gonna go. Give him space. Take care of him, please? And tell everyone I love them and I’m sorry.”

“Wait, Orion, you shouldn’t—”

I don’t bother listening to everything else he has to say. I just run back out to the car. I can hear everyone calling after me, so I act quickly, turning the key in the ignition and reversing, then driving back out of the parking lot the way I came.

While I drive, I blast sad music that I can cry to. I’m probably not supposed to drive while crying as hard as I am, but I don’t really have a choice, already on an interstate. I don’t know what I’m thinking, but I stop at a convenience store after I drive for about 15 minutes. I turn off sharing my location with everyone and turn on Do Not Disturb. If Cal needs to be alone, I need to be alone too.

I need to grapple with the immense pain I’ve caused.

Just so people can know I’m alive after leaving the venue, I text Emelia.

To: emi✨ today is… the worst day ever.

As soon as it says it’s delivered, I put my phone in my pocket.

At 7-Eleven, I grab a jumbo bottle of Barefoot Cabernet Sauvignon and a bag of Voodoo potato chips, then get back in the car to head to the beach. The access I go to is in a touristy part of San Diego, but it’s nostalgic for me and reminds me of all the times I came here as a kid with friends. An ounce of comfort in this shitty fucking day.

After parking, I grab my 7-Eleven purchases and the blanket my moms make me keep in my trunk for ‘emergencies’ — I’ve never known what kind of emergency would call for a blanket in Southern California, but I guess, if today counts as one, I’ve determined the kind of emergency. I kick off my socks and shoes, carrying them in the plastic bag they gave me when I bought my wine and chips. Somehow, even in my emotional distress, I made sure the wine was a screw top, so I open it up while I walk down the beach, taking a long glug from the big bottle.

At my happy place on a not too busy day, I feel somewhat at peace with the world, even though I feel like my life is in shambles. I’ve spent so much time alone lately that it’s nice to be alone while surrounded by people. I don’t care if anyone is watching me while I just scarf down an entire bag of chips and nearly chug the entire bottle of wine.

I don’t want to feel anything right now, and being drunk is the best option I have on hand currently.

People watching and wave watching is a dizzying distraction while I sit on my sandy blanket. I don’t get in the water. Not even my feet. I just sit and drink, and, all things considered, it’s kind of nice, in a fucked up way.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been here when my head starts to feel heavy and my eyelids start to droop. Wine, especially combined with being sick with leukemia, has always made me sleepy. I check the time and find that it’s only 2:00, so there’s plenty of time for me to take a nap. I bury my keys in the sand under my blanket so nobody can steal them and shove my wallet into my pocket.

I pull the hood on my sweatshirt up and use the string to close it over my face, finding darkness in the middle of the day.

—

When I wake up, it’s not by choice. There’s someone shaking my shoulder and I can hear several voices close by, at least one of them speaking to me.

“Excuse me, you need to wake up, or we’re calling an ambulance for you,” a deep voice says.

I groan, swatting at my face to open the hood again. “No, I’m up.”

Blinking as I adjust to the sunlight, it can’t be too late, since the sun is still up. There’s a police officer leaning over me who looks slightly concerned, but mostly annoyed.

“Time to go home, kiddo, before we charge you with public intoxication. You can’t just get drunk and pass out on a beach on a Monday.”

Shit.

I sit up as quickly as I can, feeling dizzy from the wine that’s still running through me.

“Do you have someone you can call, or do we need to call you an Uber?”

“I’ll call someone,” I hear myself saying. I grab my phone from my pocket and hold it up closer to my face. “Hey Siri, call Irwie.”

“OK, calling Irwie now,” Siri says, and I press the phone to my ear.

It doesn’t even complete a full ring before Ashton answers. “Orion? Orion, are you okay? Everyone is—”

“If I drop you a pin, can you come get me?”

“What do—yeah, sure, yeah, I can come get you. Where are you?”

“I’m at the beach,” I slur sleepily, looking up at the police officer with one eye shut. The sun feels too bright.

“Are you drunk!?” He asks.

“Maybe…”

“Jesus Christ, Orion. Yeah, sure, drop a pin. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Wait! Ashton,” I nearly scream, trying to catch him before he hangs up.

“What?”

“Please… please don’t bring Cal.”

He sighs. “I’ll see you soon.” Then he hangs up.

“Is someone coming?” The police officer asks. I realize he’s one of two, the other standing a few feet behind him.

“Yeah, my friend said he’ll be here soon.”

The officers exchange glances. “We’ll be back in an hour. If you’re still here, you’ll be riding in the back of our car instead. Got it?”

My eyes widen. “Yes, sir. I’ll be gone, I promise.”

I gather my things up and put them into my 7-Eleven bag before standing up. While I walk toward my car, I drop a pin for Ashton. I have about a million notifications of phone calls and text messages. I don’t want to read anything from Calum or the band, or even my family. I just check the thread with Emelia.

From: emi✨ what happened ?????? you told him??? i assume? hello? pick up the phone orion bro literally everyone is freaking the fuck out your mom just called orion i get that you’re trying to be alone but we’re all so worried can you just tell someone if you’re alive and okay? orion, it’s been five hours i’m on my way down to SD right now. your moms are so scared and cal is a wreck

Her last text was just over an hour ago, so if she really is driving down, she’s still in the car. I call her instantly. Just like with Ashton, it doesn’t even finish a full ring before she answers.

“BITCH,” she starts, and I have to hold my phone away from my ear for a second because of how loud she is. “DON’T YOU EVER DO THIS SHIT AGAIN!”

I wince, unsure if she’s going to continue or if it’s safe to speak.

“Where the fuck are you!?” Yep, she continues.

I sigh, sitting down on the hood of my car. “I’m at the beach.”

“Why haven’t you been answering literally anyone!? Orion, do you understand how many people are upset right now? Because it’s literally so many people.”

I let the alcohol talk next, and I regret the words that come out of my mouth the moment I say them.

“Just a preview of what’s inevitable. I’m fucking dying, in case you forgot. Get used to me not answering my fucking phone.”

Emelia gasps, and the tears start forming in my eyes again. I shouldn’t have said it. I know I shouldn’t have. It’s a low blow, especially for someone who so clearly just cares about me and wants me to be okay. I feel worse than I already do.

“Em, I’m—I’m sorry,” I choke out, falling back into a state of sobbing. “I shouldn’t have said that. Fuck, I feel so bad. I’m sorry. I just—I’m at the beach. I’m drunk. I fell asleep. I just woke up. Ash is on his way to me. You can go home if you want.”

She takes a big breath before she speaks again. “I’m headed to your moms’ house. I’ll see you there. Everyone is there now.” Then she hangs up on me, and I can’t even pretend like I blame her for it.

“Fuck,” I say to no one but myself.

Roughly thirty minutes after my call with Emelia, a black van pulls up next to my car. Ashton is in the passenger seat, and Matt is in the driver’s. They say something to each other that I can’t hear before Ashton throws his door open and walks up to me.

“Are you okay?” He asks. He hugs me before I can even say anything.

I laugh. It’s a bitter, short laugh. “No.”

He hugs me tighter, and I break down again.

Ashton drives my car to my moms’ house while Matt drives the van back to the venue. The drive ends up taking over an hour because there’s an accident on the way, and I’m grateful that he just plays a podcast for the whole time so we don’t have to talk.

Calum always jokes that I can’t stand silence so I always make up dumb stories to tell people just to make sure that there isn’t any dead air. I never make them up, he just tends to find them so random. I do hate silence, and I’d rather talk to people than not, so making conversation has always been… I wouldn’t say a strong suit, because it’s not always worthwhile conversation, but I guess it’s just easy. It’s easy for me to find random stories to tell from the depths of my brain, especially if it’s someone I’m comfortable with.

Right now, I don’t want to talk, especially not knowing that the whole band and their partners and my family and Emelia will be at the house when we get there.

We pull in right as Emelia is getting out of her car.

“Hey guys,” she says without enthusiasm as Ashton and I get out of my Civic.

I start crying again, and it feels stupid, but thankfully, she doesn’t care. Emelia welcomes me with open arms and hugs me to her chest.

“I’m sorry and I love you,” I whisper to her.

“I love you, and it’s okay.”

I nod against her.

“C’mon, let’s go inside,” she says. She steps back from me, her hands sitting on my arms as she looks at me. “Everyone is waiting.”

I don’t want to, but I know I don’t have a choice. Em walks in front of me and Ash walks next to me, with his hand on my back between my shoulder blades. As we’re walking up to the door, Calum bursts through it and runs to us. Surely he was watching Ashton's location get closer and closer to the house.

Emelia steps out of the way and gives Cal a clear path to throw his arms around me and squeeze me against his chest. I cry into his shirt while he holds me, and I’m transported back in time to our goodbye at the airport two months ago. The deja vu makes me cry harder.

“I’m sorry I ran," he apologizes, although I feel like it's unwarranted. I did a fucked up thing. "I love you, and I trust you and your judgment and I know you did things in a way that made sense to you."

I shake my head as well as I can within his embrace which almost swallows me. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I fucked up. I know I did. I’m sorry. I feel like shit.”

“Let’s talk about it later.”

I nod. Dropping it for the moment feels best, considering practically everyone we know is here and neither one of us wants an audience for our conversation.

“I know things are shitty, but we’ve got a ton of pizza inside if you’re hungry? Everyone else is in the backyard.”

I peel back from his embrace enough to be able to look him in the eye. “I’m sorry I fucked everything up.”

Calum’s eyes are brimmed with tears and I feel awful for causing as much pain as I have. He doesn’t cry a lot, and when he does, it’s always something that makes my heart ache. I feel like the worst person alive to do this to him. He doesn’t deserve this.

“We can talk about it later, okay? Let’s just be together for a little bit. Everyone has been so worried.” He kisses my forehead and takes my hand, tugging me inside with him, Ashton and Emelia following behind.

Inside the house, there are pizza boxes scattered around the kitchen and a few cases of La Croix on the island. Eri is in the living room with Disney Channel playing and Duke is asleep on his lap. My moms walk inside from the backyard as we walk in and they both run up to us, looking an appropriate mix of angry and relieved.

“Never do that again!” Mama says, embracing me quickly. Mom hugs me, too, and then she grabs my other hand that Calum isn’t holding.

“Eat. We’re glad you’re safe. You have an army of concerned friends in the backyard. They will be relieved to see you.”

I just nod, unable to process the right words to say right now. I’ve sobered up over the past hour but the wine brain fog is still lingering, especially given my exhaustion. Emelia hands me a plate with a slice of cheese pizza on it, then she nods her head toward the backyard.

“Come on, let’s go see everyone. I don’t think Luke has stopped crying since you ran off,” Calum says, giving my hand a squeeze.

I don’t get a chance to argue before he leads me outside, everyone’s heads snapping up as the door creaks open. Calum was right. Luke is still crying. How could I do this to all of them? What’s wrong with me? These people don’t deserve this kind of pain. Nobody deserves this.

Luke barrels toward me first, nearly knocking me over with a hug. I feel his body quivering as he shakily breathes and cries into my hair. Calum lets go of my hand and takes my pizza from me so I can hug Luke back. It takes so much self control not to cry again. I just focus on trying to calm Luke down, rubbing small circles into his back.

“I’m so, so sorry, O,” Luke whispers through his quiet sobs.

He’s sorry? Why is he sorry? I’m the one who messed up. “It’s okay, Lu. You didn’t do anything.”

He cried and I feel him shake his head. “I should’ve been there for you.”

“Luke,” I breathe out. “I didn’t want anyone to be there for me. That’s not on you.”

“Luke, give her some space. You’re not the only one who wants to hug her, man!” I hear Michael’s voice. He’s trying to lighten the mood a bit and I appreciate it. He peels Luke away from me and then he embraces me himself. “Glad you’re safe, O.”

“Sorry to scare everyone.”

“We love you so much,” Crystal says, hugging me straight after Michael lets go.

Sierra is next, and then KayKay. After everyone else has had a turn, Luke resumes his hugging and clings to me for another few minutes while everyone else starts talking and eating again. He keeps apologizing to me and it hurts. He sounds so sad. When he finally pulls away, I look up at his red face that’s covered in tears.

I pull my sweatshirt sleeve over my hand and reach up to wipe them away. “Don’t cry. It’ll be okay.”

Luke nods, and then Sierra comes up to him and takes him off to calm him down, mouthing a ‘sorry’ to me.

Finally in a place where I can breathe again, I look up and catch Calum staring at me. His eyes have welled up tears and are a muted version of their normal rich brown. I try to smile at him, but I end up having tears start to form in my own eyes for the millionth time today. When one falls from my eyes, he’s quick to reach over and wipe it away.

“I love you,” he says, his voice almost too quiet to hear, full of love and pain and sadness and, possibly most difficult to admit, fear.

“I love you.”

I look down at the pizza he’s holding for me, my stomach starting to make noises, and then I notice the tape wrapped around his knuckles. Ashton is somewhat known for always having his hands taped up with blisters from playing the drums, but not Calum, and the location of the tape wouldn’t be from playing any instrument. It also wasn’t there this morning.

“What happened to your hand?” I ask, taking the pizza from his grasp with one hand and using the other to reach for his bandaged one, pulling it closer to try to inspect.

He chuckles, and I'm grateful to hear a sound close to laughter come from him. “I got in a fight with a wall.”

I look up at him, eyebrows raised, trying to fight a smile. Calum is practically magic. Not even seconds ago I was about to cry, and here he is, flipping my mood like it’s as simple as turning on a light switch. “Elaborate?”

Cal sighs, breaking our eye contact. “I wanted to punch somebody, but I know how you feel about violence, so I punched a wall. Three times.”

My raised eyebrows move to being knit together. Cal isn’t known for being an angry person, much less a violent one. Gentle is the first word I'd use to describe his soul, and kind is the second. Angry isn't even on my list. “Who did you want to punch?”

“Ashton.” He doesn’t even hesitate before he says it. I watch his jaw clench as he looks behind me, presumably to wherever Ashton is standing. He’s angry. He’s furious.

I don’t understand why he would be mad at Ashton but able to look past what I’ve done enough to be consoling me right now. Ashton didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who messed everything up and Ashton got stuck in the crosshairs. He was just trying to be a good friend to me and he made his opinions very known—he didn’t agree with what I was doing but respected that it was my choice to make, not his. Does Calum not see that?

“Cal, don’t be upset with—“

His eyes snap back down to me, anger still firing in his irises. “Not now. I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

His fury silences me and I decide it’s probably best to listen to him. I don’t want to fight with him in front of all these people, but I know I need to talk to him about this soon. Ashton and Calum call each other soulmates. I don’t want to be the reason there’s a rift between them. I want to talk about it now and clear the air, but if Calum says he doesn’t want to talk about something, it’s by far the better choice to leave it alone.

“Okay,” I say, my voice small.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Calum promises. “Right now I just want to be with you, okay?”

I nod, even though everything I have wanted to say all day is gnawing at my stomach, clawing at my throat, and filling the entirety of my mouth. I need to talk about all of this; after sitting on it for over two months, I need to get everything off my chest. But, knowing Calum, I know that if he doesn’t want to talk about something, it’s useless to try to talk about it, so even though I’m dying to talk about the issue at hand, I have to swallow the words and try not to choke on them.

“Can we go sit down? I’m so tired.”

Calum nods, wrapping an arm around me and guiding me over to the outdoor living room situation my moms have set up, sitting down on the couch that’s covered in Duke’s hair from him being out here all day. KayKay and Emelia are sitting on chairs across from us, deep in their own conversation. I think Em is telling her about a project she did in her photography class and KayKay is looking through the final images on her phone. I'm glad they can talk about something normal in the midst of all this.

I slowly take bites of my cheese pizza, but each mouthful sticks on its way down my throat and make it far less appetizing.

“Need anything?” Calum asks, taking note of my silence and slow eating.

“No, just don’t have much of an appetite these days.”

It’s nice to be back with everyone, and I don’t want to act like it isn’t, but this all feels wrong. Ashton and Calum aren’t speaking. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my own head, trying not to trigger any conversations that I can’t have yet and narrowly avoiding crying yet again. Calum is being attentive, smoothing my hair for me while I talk and always having his hand on me somewhere, whether resting on my knee, wrapped around my waist, or intertwined with mine. All I can picture is the look on his face when I told him I have leukemia and the way it felt to practically watch his heart stop beating.

One day, he’s actually going to have to watch as my heart stops beating, and the thought alone makes me hate myself even more than I already do.

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#5 seconds of summer #5sos #calum hood #luke hemmings #michael clifford #fanfiction #ashton irwin #fanfic #5sosfam #imagine #calum x fem!oc #calum x ofc #calum x oc #calum 5sos #calum imagine #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum hood fluff #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fic

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sassycheesecake · 1 year

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„So Much For My Happy Ending“ (Kiyoomi Sakusa x Reader)

A/N: I listened to Avril Lavigne‘s song „My Happy Ending“ and it tore me apart and this OS was born.😅 I changed the story so it’s not based on a break up and bad experiences in terms of toxic relationships but on something else.

Genre: ANGST! Hurt without comfort! This is my first angst story and please don’t read it if death or this story starts to trigger you! PLEASE! MDNI!

Trigger Warnings: death, grief of a loved one

Kiyoomi Sakusa just finished another typical day of intense volleyball training for the upcoming season and heads first into the showers before anyone else.

He is always keeping an eye on the clock to come out of training as soon as he can and that behavior brought attention to his teammates.

The ravenette has been a lot more quiet recently and isolating himself from his teammates more and more since about three months now. Declining all offers on going out, not staying late for more practice and never waiting on anyone after practice usually finishes at 5 p.m.

The whole team was concerned for their introverted Outside Hitter, since he also lost weight and the dark circles under his eyes make him look empty and tired. Like a lifeless vessel that’s barely holding himself up but by the mere strings of a puppeteer.

Right now, Kiyoomi finishes getting dressed, when he saw his Captain approaching him with slow steps out of the corner of his eye.

Meian decided it would be best if he tried to approach his younger teammate with carefully chosen words. He starts lean against some of the lockers before talking to Kiyoomi.

"Hey, uh… Sakusa. You up for a game night at my place? The rest of the team is coming too. I just thought we haven’t done something together as a team in a while and maybe you will have fun.” Meian tries.

But Kiyoomi immediately turns the offer down.

"No thank you. I see and deal enough with craziness over day, I don’t need it at night too.”

Meian frowns at that, trying to convince him other wise.

"Come on, I am sure you don’t have any better things to do-“

"I said no.” Kiyoomi begins to stand up slowly and glares in anger at his Captain beneath his medical mask.

The Middle Blocker is not fazed by his sudden anger but takes a few steps back while holding his hands up in a calming matter.

"Okay okay, sorry man.”

Just as Kiyoomi wants to leave, the blonde Setter, Miya Atsumu accidentally bumps into him.

“Whoops. Sorry Omi, my bad.”

The touch of Atsumu’s arm against his own sends Kiyoomi in a rage, quickly grabbing Atsumu’s shirt before slamming him into the lockers.

The sudden loud noise startles the entire team, completely caught off guard by Kiyoomi’s very unusual behavior. They know that Sakusa is not fond of his teammates or anyone touching him but this reaction was not what they expected, it was extreme.

Atsumu grunts in pain before he starts yelling at him.

"Oi! What the hell’s ya problem-“

"Don’t you dare touch me again with your filthy germs. You stay five feet away from me at all times, don’t talk to me, don’t touch me! I don’t need to carry your diseases to other people.” The curly-haired ravenette glares daggers into Atsumu’s face.

The Setter returns the anger before pushing his teammate off of him.

"Ya know what? Yer have been a real pain in the ass lately, I get that cha don’ like it when people touch ya but ya need to calm yer ass down! Ya been actin’ worse than me in mah teenage years!” Atsumu growls at him.

"Hey hey you two, calm down-“ Bokuto stands between the Setter and the Outside Hitter, before someone seriously gets hurt.

Without saying anything, the ravenette hastily grabs his stuff and leaves the locker room in a rush.

"I wonder what’s going on, he’s like his complete opposite and he never loses his cool like that.“ Their Libero proclaims.

The rest of the team agrees with the light-haired teammate.

Flipping to the next page in the book you’re currently reading, your tired eyes turn to the clock on the wall. It’s already 5:36 p.m. and your lover still hasn’t turned up. You hope he is okay, usually he is always on time at 5:15 p.m. to come and visit you after his training was over.

Closing and setting the book aside on your side table, you begin to sit up on the side of your bed.

You look up on the I.V. bag that currently has temozolomide dripping into your vein on your arm. Letting out a deep sigh, you begin to stand up but your body immediately tells you to stop as you lose your balance and fall down on the bedside again. Huffing out in annoyance now, you try to hold your grip on the infusion stand and holt yourself up.

As you were taking a few shaky steps, you hear your door open.

Looking up in curiosity, your eyes shine in excitement at your lover’s presence.

Kiyoomi is disinfecting his hands when his dark eyes found yours.

With a few quick steps, he is right beside you to offer help.

"My love, what are you thinking? Why didn’t you get one of the nurses?” He scolds you gently.

You shrug off his scolding and begin to explain.

"I needed to use the restroom and I don’t want to bother the nurses. They already have so much to do and I was afraid you weren’t going to show up, so I decided to do it myself.”

Your fiancé opens the bathroom door for you, making sure you get in safely and having the Infusion stand not scratching up the frame of the bathroom door.

"Please call me if you need anything.”

“Will do my love, thank you.”

Breathing out deeply, Sakusa walks back to your bed and sinks back into the chair right next to the bed. Rubbing his face with his rough hands, he wishes he could have come sooner to see you.

A few minutes later, he hears the sound of the toilet flushing and the running water of the sink.

Opening the door again, you see Kiyoomi with his hands on his face, looking extremely tired.

You frown at your lover‘s stance, walking with careful steps while still having the infusion stand in your hand.

Whispering his name gently, the ravenette looks up to you with red eyes, fresh tears staining his pale cheeks.

Running your fingers through his locks, you grab both of his cheeks, gently wiping away his tears.

As you give him a small smile, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him towards you, while Kiyoomi hugs your fragile body.

Two months later, the Outside Hitter stands on the balcony of your shared apartment in the freezing night, staring ahead, as he remembers your last breath you took after saying ‚I love you‘ one last time.

Kiyoomi looks up into the cold star-filled sky, his breath visible to the naked eye.

He scoffs under his breath and feels his eyes getting watery.

"So much for my happy ending with you, huh (Y/N)?”

@rukia-uchiha-98

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skye-huntress · 1 year

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The Witch from Mercury Reaction

Episode 9: “If I Could Take One Step Toward You”

I have finally figured out how to do the “read more” thing on mobile. I admit, I am pretty self-conscious about more very long posts and how much some people have to scroll past. I’ll leave the first few bullet points up just to give a sense of how I do my own reactions, because I know others have different ways of doing things, and maybe potential readers have their own preferences.

We’re having a flashback now? Even I can tell that was a pretty flimsy excuse from Shaddiq. Maybe he was worried if he defeated Guel for Holder status he would lose Miorine’s respect. Well, with his latest stunt, he already has, but perhaps he’s already given up on Miorine ever seeing him how he wants her to see him.

Despite the amount of pressure he’s putting on Miorine, he’s still trying to be very compromising, to meet her halfway. Unfortunately, Miorine never wanted to involve him in the first place and his actions are only provoking her. Even if he wanted to avoid it and give her an out, the duel challenge was inevitable the moment he interfered.

Seems this is less a challenge between two students, and more a challenge between Earth House and Grassley House. And of course as in previous duels, the Duelling Committee has gone out of the way to stack the odds in their favour.

The website says Lilique is popular with the male students, which if true is not only awesome for a number of reasons, but also might explain the unprovoked hostility from that other girl.

When they talked about needing more pilots for support, we all thought of Guel. But would he actually? He cared enough about Suletta to challenge “Elan” before, but that just made his own situation even worse. That said, what else does he have to lose at this point? He might still have his tuition, for now, but he’s not going to get back in his father’s good graces while camping out in the woods, he’s better off thinking about what he can do for himself.

My read is that Shaddiq is being somewhat genuine, that he respects Miorine as her own person and doesn’t see her as an ornament. The problem is Miorine does not believe him, and why should she? Even putting aside how her cynicism and resentment towards the Benerit Group has developed over the years, if she still had an ounce of trust or respect for Shaddiq, we destroyed it when he interfered with her life. He cemented his status as her enemy.

This is the first time that Suletta has ever referred to Miorine as her bride, and she did so to say that she believes in her Mio-Mio. I’m so proud.

And that is when Shaddiq turns into a petty asshole, saying he’ll take Aerial and Miorine from her. Talk like that is what signals to me he is about to lose.

I should have figured Peil wouldn’t give Miorine the Pharact. It’d be too easy for Earth House to figure out that they never improve the suit technology to protect the pilots so they’d be the ones exposed for violating the bioethics of pilots, not to mention the questions about Elan Ceres. But they are using Belmeria Winston as a go-between likely to learn the secrets of Aerial.

Speaking of “go-betweens”, Nika. She seems as fed up with Shaddiq’s scheming as Miorine, however, I’m still concerned with what she’s already told or done for him, and what she got in return.

Anyway, to the duel. We have quite the cast from Grassley House, but the only one that stuck out to me was Renee. Seriously, she’s upset her 12th back-up boyfriend asked Lilique out, and he didn’t even get the date. She’s really telling on herself when despite her popularity, she needs a list of more than a dozen guys to ask out. It means she has enough awareness to know she is so toxic that none of her relationships will last.

As predictable, despite the fancy new suits from Peil Tech, the non-pilots from Earth House went down very quickly, leaving Suletta and Aerial to get overwhelmed very early into the battle. Meanwhile Shaddiq immediately went after the only other actual pilot, the only one who could offer reliable support. And with the rest of the team down, they can gang up on the real target. In one-on-one, Aerial can’t be beaten, and even with anti-GUND tech, there was no guarantee Shaddiq would be able to successfully deploy it and much less finish the fight before Suletta could turn the tables. That’s why he stacked the deck, relying on having a larger number of experienced pilots.

Prospera was looking so expressionless, even when Aerial was hit by the anti-GUND weapons. She’s seen the weapon first-hand so she knew it would eventually be used against Aerial, but even if she thought she found a work-around, she wouldn’t have anyway of actually testing it. I think this was the first time she wasn’t sure what the outcome would be and that she was actually afraid for Aerial.

This is a defining moment for Suletta as a pilot. This is the first time she could not rely on Aerial, even though she was still piloting her. It’s one thing when she’s out of the cock-pit, or in another mobile suit. It’s another matter entirely when it’s only her piloting skills that are preventing Aerial from being blown apart. And who knows what having her head blown off will do to Aerial herself. I’ll get back to how this might change Suletta in a bit.

We might get clarification of this later, but it seems while the weapon did momentarily suppress Aerial for a while, it was either a temporary effect that Aerial was able to overcome, or maybe it was like put Aerial to sleep and Suletta’s words helped to wake her up. Whatever the case, Grassley House were not prepared for the sudden comeback, and with Suletta contributing more to the fight leaving Aerial’s GUND-bits to provide her support, she was able to take half the team out.

Still not quite enough for Suletta to beat Shaddiq on her own. If it were one-on-one, she probably would have managed. Still, I like it this way, Shaddiq set himself up for failure because he completely underestimated Earth House. Grassley took out the rest of the team and ignore them, but they never fully disabled Chuchu’s demi-trainer and there’s no rules saying that Earth House couldn’t support their team in other ways. Earth House may not have as many pilots or fancy mobile suits, but what they lack compared to the major Houses, they make up for in their tenacity and their ability to improvise with what little they have to work with. This wasn’t Aerial once again annihilating her opponent like previous duels, this was Earth House proving that are not to be underestimated.

Now I have to remind myself that per Miorine’s request, the duel was live-streamed outside of the Benerit Group, meaning the rest of the solar system has the pleasure of viewing Suletta’s awkward little Gundam dance live. My hat is off to you, my fellow socially-awkward geek! It’s great for Miorine’s company to get some attention and support from outside the Group.

Finally, GUND-ARM, Inc. is officially started. It might have been a pain, and it was a close call towards the end, but the livestream might be worth the drama

As for Suletta, not really in a celebratory mood. She didn’t lose, but she came so close that this was a huge wake-up call for her. Even though Aerial can still be repaired, this is probably the worst she has ever been “hurt”, and Suletta has come to the conclusion it was because she relies too much on Aerial rather than focus on improving herself. How many times has she said that Aerial is the one who is special, yet when Aerial needed her to step up for a change, her own skill were lacking.

So that’s two important developments for Suletta. The first is finally acknowledging and accepting that she is engaged to Miorine and that they are facing the future together as partners. The second is the acknowledgement that as a pilot she needs to improve for the sake of Aerial, Miorine and herself.

Finally, Shaddiq has come to accept that he screwed up, not just with the duel, but long ago. If he stepped up before, challenged Guel, became Miorine’s groom instead, maybe he could have won her affections as Suletta has. There was no guarantee of course, and part of why Miorine likes Suletta is because of how earnest she is. There’s no schemes or ulterior motives with the girl from Mercury, she’s someone that Miorine actually can trust, with her life as well as her heart.

#the witch from mercury #g witch #g witch spoilers

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philipperblog · 5 months

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Can Cats Enjoy Juicy Strawberries? An Expert Guide for Cat Parents

As summer approaches and sweet, ripe strawberries grace our kitchens, many cat owners wonder – can I safely share these tasty red treats with my feline friend? It's a common question, and today we'll cover everything you need to know about feeding strawberries to cats.

The Quick Answer: Yes, Cats Can Eat Small Strawberry Slices

To provide a direct answer upfront - felines technically can eat moderate amounts of strawberries as an occasional snack. These fruits won't harm them. However, it's crucial we understand strawberries offer limited nutritional value for our furry companions. As such, they shouldn't make up a key part of a balanced cat diet.

Are Strawberries Toxic? Should I Worry?

First, let’s discuss safety. Can cats have strawberries without risking harmful side effects? Thankfully, strawberries are entirely non-toxic for feline consumption, so you needn't worry about poisoning. Of course, any human food introduces potential for mild stomach upset if too much is consumed. As always, moderation remains key.

What’s In a Strawberry: Examining the Nutritional Value Strawberries offer us humans an abundance of nutrition - packed with vitamin C, antioxidants, natural sugars, and fiber. How do these nutrients translate for cats? Well, kitties don't require supplemental vitamin C in their diets - their bodies naturally produce all they need. And too much sugar can negatively impact feline health. Still, strawberries provide small doses of hydration, fiber, and other trace vitamins that may benefit our fur balls.

Recommended Serving Size: Just a Taste!

When serving strawberries, a single thick slice is more than enough! Offer this once a week or less. Monitor your cat’s reaction. If they seem overwhelmed by the new flavor or texture, don’t push it. For picky palettes, try mashing the fruit first. And of course, immediately cease feeding if you notice signs of sensitivity or stomach distress.

Preparation Tips Before Serving Strawberries

Wash thoroughly & remove stems, leaves, and seeds

Slice into bite-sized pieces

Mash thoroughly for kittens or picky cats

Pair with their regular cat food for easiest integration

The Verdict: A Tasty But Unnecessary Treat While cats may enjoy an occasional sliced strawberry as a sweet snack, these fruits provide only marginal nutritional value for our felines. Their digestive systems don't effectively process the natural sugars and fiber within properly. As such, strawberries should never constitute a staple in a cat's balanced diet. For regular treat alternatives, consider cat safe people foods like green beans, blueberries or pumpkin instead!

As always, consult your veterinarian with any concerns about dietary changes. Here’s to many healthy, happy years with your curious kitties! Let those summer fruit salads commence...in moderation.

#cat food

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purplesurveys · 2 years

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1538

Do you feel pressure to keep your life interesting? Nah. I feel like that pressure largely rises from social media, since people feel the need to put their best foot forward - traveling, meeting friends, drinking, etc - but I’ve since learned not to mind their business and just go with whatever I’m happy with, because nothing was ever wrong with sticking with routines or staying in on weekends or whatever.

Is there anyone who seems to always be under the influence of something when you see them or talk to them? Does it bug you? Hmm, I wouldn’t say so. At work I will say I look up to Bea a lot and always think in terms of “what would she do in this situation?” “how would she respond to this issue?” but at the end of the day I try not to lose myself.

Have you ever found the blog of someone you knew in real life, but not very well? How did it change your opinions on them? No. If they weren’t a close friend I would honestly feel strange going deep into a blog of theirs...the only time my opinion would be come up would probably be if I immediately find a post of theirs I’d consider alarming, I guess, as in from the first few posts. Like if they were blatantly racist.

What is something you are incredibly behind on? Learning how to cook.

When is the right time to start having sex with someone you’ve become romantically interested in? There’s no one right answer to this, people have different paces.

If you honestly heard the voice of God talking to you, would you tell anyone? How would you tell them? (I.E., Conversations With God is a result of the author claiming to have heard God’s voice loud and clear, but some people would have gone packing to the mental institution, and others would have told their church… etc.) First I would never consider for a second that that is actually a god talking to me, and second my bigger issue would be me suddenly hearing voices. I’d get myself checked.

On that note, do you know anyone who speaks in tongues (or, if you don’t believe it, claims to)? No.

Has anyone ever lied to you or a friend of yours about their age for a reason other than getting alcohol/cigarettes? Why’d they do it, and did anyone find out? LOL I happen to be very familiar with this situation, yes. Filipino parents will always(!!!) lie about their kids’ ages at establishments to avail of the kids’ discount. I was 12 for a very long time until I started looking too old to play the part; and yes, my mom always succeeded in getting the discounts she needed.

What’s the last allergic reaction you had? I’m slightly allergic to grass, but it’s been a while since I’ve been to a grassy area so I haven’t had to deal with it recently.

What does it mean when you start eating less? What does it mean when you start eating more? My eating habits only change when I’m feeling a depression coming in, or if I’m in the middle of one - in which case I will really never eat and the act just serves as my body’s response to keep itself alive.

If someone was fat and genuinely liked themselves that way (Google “fatshionista”!), what would you think? Do you think being fat can be a good thing or that people can be fat and healthy? What I think about this is that there are some who are just naturally larger and that’s never been a bad thing; whether they choose to work out and do the traditional healthy activities doesn’t make much of a difference to me. I wouldn’t say that I hope those people can be more confident, of course, because I have never been in their shoes and what they feel is nothing I can dictate – and what reason is there for me to assume they’re not happy with who they are? In any case, the only time it would get concerning would be if someone was like, morbidly obese and they let it affect their mental health in such a way that they are toxic and a bully to the people around them. OR if they are largely dependent on loved ones to care for them such that it prevents the latter from leading their own lives.

Is there anything you feel the need to organize by chart? The only thing I did this for was my K-pop purchases because that shit rapidly got out of hand at one point. I had a table, a calendar...the whole shebang. Fortunately I haven’t touched that masterfile in a long long time because I’ve since taken a backseat from buying too much merch, and I only ever get the latest releases now (in the past I used to buy both past and current). What’s your opinion on mid-day naps? Kind of a common practice where I’m from, especially among kids. It’s so deeply ingrained in our culture that I don’t think anything of it for the most part.

When’s the last time you spontaneously made plans? With who/to do what? Around last month...I can’t remember what event it was I was coming from, but I was meant to be headed home when I decided fuck that, I wanted to clear my head and be on my own first before I get back to my home with 4 other people. That decision resulted in me driving aimlessly for an hour, weaving through a couple of cities before finally making the turn back home. What’s the strangest named pet you’ve ever had? I can think of a couple of obnoxious ones off the top of my head but I don’t ever want to touch on those names again because it’s embarrassing where they came from lol. But I loved those parrots dearly and hope they’re safe and sound and happy wherever they may be now.

Do you know if there is anyone who was once important to you that you will never talk to again, even though you could? Yeah, this is largely my mechanism for people who’ve wronged me or my friends; I’ve let go of a handful of once-important people in my life because of this. This isn’t to say that I’m petty as fuck and can cut ties with just about anyone – they have to have done something I consider gravely inexcusable and wrong for me to make that big of a decision. Still, at the end of the day, cutting people out has always been something that has come easily for me which I’m, in a weird way, thankful for because I don’t really feel any of the post-cutting-off guilt and regret that might form for others.

#survey #surveys

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defectivevillain · 3 years

Text

sanctuary

when you’re on your period…. (as a trans guy)

pairing (separate): Harry Potter x male reader, Ron Weasley x male reader, Cedric Diggory x male reader, Blaise Zabini x male reader

author’s note: ya im on my period so you best believe i had to write something like this. alright anyways let’s get into it

if you’re fem aligned dni pls :)

Harry Potter

y'all already know Harry would be so so so sweet and attentive when you’re on your period

it’s funny though because whenever you tell him you’re on your period

he just goes “aw that sucks :/”

so naturally you have to slap him on the shoulder (playfully ofc)

he’d be so helpful tho honestly

has literally no problem getting pads/tampons/whatever for you

like toxic masculinity who????

and obviously he has so many friends that are girls. so if you’re on your period you will most definitely see him going around whispering to his girl friends if they have stuff

the very first time you get your period, Harry doesn’t really know what to do

the next day you’re walking into the Great Hall for breakfast when you see Harry talking to Hermione

you try not to eavesdrop but... you’re curious ;0

and you just hear him going “so what should I do for him? like what do I get him? what do you use? what’s helpful? is there anything he definitely needs-”

and you smile to yourself because you know he’s trying his best to be there for you

Ron Weasley

okay so telling Ron you're on your period?

easily the most nerve wracking thing you've ever had to do

and you’re so nervous because you don’t want him to react weirdly or something

so when you first walk over to him, your hands shaking, he immediately is concerned

alarms are running off through his head- did you get hurt? were you alright? why were you so nervous?

and then you told him you were on your period.

you kind of grimace and break eye contact with him, afraid to see his reaction.

it’s quiet for a bit....

which is unusual when you’re with Ron, because he's quite easygoing and, well, loud when he’s around you.

you turn to look at your shaking hands in your lap when suddenly

he gently holds your face and tilts your head up to face him

and you’re like huh???? but then you see the expression on his face and holy shit-

the softest smile is on his face. and you can’t help but smile back at him.

the two of you stare at each other for a bit, smiling. then he breaks the air.

“okay.”

it seems like he’s lost for words, but you know by the way his thumbs are lightly caressing your cheeks that he is going to be very supportive and helpful :)

Cedric Diggory

for whatever reason you are absolutely horrible at recognizing the signs so more often than not Cedric figures out you're on your period before you do.

you’re just vibing and complaining that your back hurts a bit and he’s just like

bruh?????

“probably your period, duh”

and you just look at him, wide eyed because how did this mf know????

he answers your questioning gaze with “you always complain about your back hurting before you get your period...”

anyways

he's very observant

and is the most gentlemanly gentleman to ever gentleman

he always acts like a gentleman but.. bUT when you’re on your period???

suddenly he’s asking you how you’re feeling every five seconds,

constantly bringing you food if you're hungry

there’s even one day when you’re really tired. like really tired. so tired that you just fall asleep in the middle of doing your homework in the library??

and Cedric just looks at you in exasperation before shrugging and picking you up in his arms

bro he is STRONG like his muscles?? WHEW I MEAN ANYWAYSSS

but yeah at one point he’s going up the stairs and kind of jostles you by accident which leads to you waking up. and you just groggily blink for a second, looking up at him and evidently realizing that he’s carrying you.

and you get really flustered and tuck your head into his chest so he can’t see the absolutely lovestruck look on your face

but he’s proud of himself for getting that reaction. lol.

eventually he gets you back to your dorm- don’t ask how, prefect secret- and sets you down on your bed.

after helping you to get settled in, he sits on the edge of the bed next to you. you’re too tired to really do anything except start to doze off...

the last thing you recollect before falling asleep is him pressing a light kiss to your forehead

Blaise Zabini

alright let’s be real

Blaise tries to act like he doesn't care about you. (the key word being tries)

and when you first tell him you're on your period he does one of his little scoffs and then you just drop it.

after all, you didn’t really expect him to fawn over you- he’s not the type of person to pamper his partner or anything.

and so you don’t really think he behaves any differently than normal.

but.

his housemates most definitely do notice

because it’s so obvious how much he cares about you

Blaise isn’t one to really talk about his friends but he’s constantly bragging about you to his friends, about how you’re such a good student and good at everything you do.

and when you’re on your period???

he is always shooting you concerned looks when you’re not looking

Blaise still kind of thinks that having feelings for someone is a weakness but his concern for you overrides any of that shit

idk he’s the kind of boyfriend that isn’t super vocal about his love for you, but instead shows it through his actions

so instead of vocally being like “I'm here for you, I support you” blah blah blah

his love for you shows through in the little things

like when he lightly clasps your hand under the desk in potions, or when he shoves more food onto your plate at dinner... or when he gives you his jacket when you’re cold.... stuff like that :)

OMFG WAIT I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING 4KJGIOUGSRHJTS OKAY OKAY

so imagine you’re not even dating right!!! you’re really close friends but you’re not dating or anything

and there’s one day where you just feel like compete and utter shit

you try going to your classes

and the day goes fine

until potions.... where Blaise sits next to you...

and he immediately notices when you sit down that something is off- you have a pained expression on your face- and so immediately he concludes you must be sick or something

he chides you for being there, whisper-hissing at you about how you shouldn’t have gone to class

he literally cannot stop admonishing you for going to class- like it literally gets so bad that Snape takes 5 points from Slytherin to get him to shut the fawk up

even then, you can feel his gaze burning into the side of your head

by some miracle, Snape doesn’t have any lab work assigned for the day, which means it’s just kind of a reading day

and you are just slowly feeling more and more like shit

somehow you manage to make it through the class period

and you stay in the room until you’re certain Snape and all your peers have left so you don’t draw attention to yourself

you try to get up and are hit with a sudden wave of dizziness and vertigo- so bad that you kind of topple backwards

you brace yourself for a brutal contact with the floor

but suddenly you find yourself colliding with a hard chest

and you try to turn around (key word being try because you’re very disoriented) but all you can manage to see is a dark green tie

the person has a firm grip on your arm, grounding you

they turn you around and you wobble a little bit, hand shooting out to brace yourself against your desk

and you look up and Blaise is looking at you with the scariest look on his face

immediately you start sweating bullets

but Blaise just goes “you shouldn’t have come to class.”

and then proceeds to help you out of the room, leading you with a hand on the small of your back

author’s end note: MWAHAHAHAHHA ooh yes I like how that turned out very much. especially the lil Blaise thing at the end heheheheh

#male reader #x male reader #harry potter #Harry Potter x male reader #Ron Weasley x male reader #Cedric diggory x male reader #Blaise zabini x male reader #hogwarts #hp male reader #fanfic #self insert #y/n #male y/n

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jentledaisies · 3 years

Text

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

You’re Affectionate With Them

→ ❝in which you become comfortable and accept them❞

Warnings: Stockholm Syndrom, Emotional Manipulation, Obsessive behavior, curse words, mentions of attempted SA (not graphic)

disclaimer: This is not in any way shape or form a representation of Jisoo, Jennie, Rosè, Lisa, or Blackpink as a whole. All reactions, actions, thoughts, words, and general emotions are fiction and created by me. The behavior shown in these reactions is toxic and unhealthy, but fantasized in a romantic way for simply that, fantasy. None of this should be taken seriously or sought after in real life, or performed. please do not romanticize this behavior/mindset in real life as it is unhealthy and toxic, and if you or anyone you know is in such an environment, should be taken out of immediately. Again, this blog is purely fiction, and all acts taken place in this blog should remain so.

↳ None of my characters, yandere or otherwise, will ever nor would ever perform, act, or consider sexual activities of any sort without consent. full stop. Any and all sexual acts are done with the full consent of all parties taking place. i will never, ever, ever write otherwise or even consider writing otherwise.

It was crazy, you knew that. M/N had kidnapped you, stolen you away from your family, friends, life. She had imprisoned you in a golden gilded cage to be her lovely pet. You were hers, and yet, you had no choice in the matter. Of course, she made sure you knew, she was yours too, she didn't bring you here to just play and then discard you. No, she brought you here to 'give you the stunning life you deserve, by my side.' She never treated you unkindly, made sure to give you your space, and let you get used to the luxury penthouse the two of you were in. She was frustratingly understanding of your fear, of how wary you were, and made sure to never push your boundaries. She'd announce herself before entering any room, she'd never touch you, even in a platonic casual way, without asking you first. She gave you a separate room, albeit right next to hers, but made sure to never infringe on your privacy. It was so clear that her being so close yet so far away from you was killing her, and that your stubbornness would get to her at times, but she never treated you with anything but the gentlest love.

Maybe it was crazy, but you found yourself wishing to be with M/N whenever they were gone. When she would leave you would miss her, and when she was here you would crave her touch. You knew she was trying to respect your space, and you grew more and more attracted to how she cared for you. You liked her, and you were ready to accept your new life, which wasn't so bad.

Kim Jisoo

The sound of the front door opening was what grabbed your attention from the book you were reading. You looked up to see Jisoo entering the apartment, her leather jacket wrapped tightly around her shirt, but bits of crimson could be seen staining the edges.

"Darling, I'm home! Let me wash up really quick then we can eat dinner! Would you mind setting it up?" She called over her shoulder as she rushed up the stairs to her room, hardly looking back. She rushes into the room, practically slamming the door closed.

This was something else as well, she always made sure to never bring her work home to you. She could come up drenched in blood, and you'd never know if it was hers or someone else's but she'd never even acknowledged it. She'd worked so hard to keep you away from her job in the mafia, and yet as you grew fonder of her you found yourself growing concerned about whether or not she was okay.

You're setting the bowls of rice down when Jisoo rushes down the stairs, in a comfy hoodie that seemed to swallow her small form and leggings. Wordlessly she grabs the chopsticks and starts arranging them on the table as well.

"What did Mi-rae make today?" She asked as she watched you place a large covered dish down in the middle of the table before arranging the side dishes around it.

"Oh, I actually sent Mi-rae Unnie away today. I wanted to make dinner for you myself today." You responded quite bashfully, and Jisoo looked shocked but sat down nevertheless.

"What did you make, Darling? It smells amazing." She asks after a minute of hesitation.

"Ah, I made *Nakji Bokkeum from a recipe I learned from my mother when I was younger." You sat down across from her and took the lid off the savory food. A nervous feeling bubbled in your chest as the special memory was picked up by her and slowly entered her mouth for her to taste. She lets out a groan in satisfaction before shooting you a happy smile. It falls however when she realizes you're not eating at all.

"Darling, is something wrong?" She slowly swallows before placing her chopsticks down, waiting for you to speak.

"...When I was younger and my mother would make Nakji, it was always special. It was my father's favorite dish since he didn't grow up with much so we only made it when we had special announcements or events. It may seem stupid, it's such a common dish but it holds a lot of meaning to me." You raise your eyes to hers to see her watching you curiously, drinking in every word you were saying.

"What are we celebrating, Darling?"

"...You've made it clear, the reason you took me is that you want to love me-"

"I do love you."

"...You took me because you love me and yet, never in all this time, have you tried to force your love on me. Y-You've respected me and validated my wary emotions. You've given me the distance and space I need, and you've never once become angry or impatient with my hesitance. And I found myself, growing fond of you for this. And soon I found myself hating this distance. It's fucked up, you stole my life away from me. But I think..." You trailed off unsure how to continue.

"What do you think?" Jisoo seemed to be holding her breath as she waited for you to finish what you were saying. You stood up and waited patiently as she mirrored your actions. Taking a couple steps forwards you reached your hands up before wrapping them softly around her neck as her breath hitches. The hug is light, as it's only your arms wrapped around her, unsure if this was ok. Her arms wrap around your torso after her initial shock, tugging you closer to her until you were both enveloped in one another's warm embrace.

"I think...I don't love you. But I do like you. And I'm ready to accept this, accept you. If you'll have me, I'm ready to try."

A sigh of happy relief comes from Jisoo as she pulls you impossibly closer. "Of course I'll have you, darling. I'll always be ready to be the one to hold you. You may not love me yet, but thank you for agreeing to give us a try. You'll love me soon enough."

* Nakji Bokkeum: spicy stir-fried octopus usually eaten with side dishes and soju.

Kim Jennie

You didn't know what to make of Kim Jennie at first. When you woke up to the ferocious woman from the diner waiting for you all you felt was fear, the reputation of BP and their ruthless leader was well known. Yet, instead of torturing you, instead of killing you, she treated you with the utmost love. Even when you lashed out at her she'd love you gently, cook you homemade meals that reminded you of before you were taken by your captors. She'd come back some days, injured, but she always made sure to keep that from you. She made sure to have staff around the apartment, made sure you were always taken care of like a queen, and she always told you that you were her queen. You knew she'd get frustrated and angry with her job, not that she'd ever let you see that side of her, but because you'd hear the glass of whatever alcohol she was using to numb her anger hitting the wall and shattering. You'd hear her cold voice shake in anger as she shouted at her subordinates over the phone.

It had been four months of this, and at first, all you wanted to do was scream and run. You had been saved from one captor just to be held by another. But now, all you wanted to do was help cure her wounds when she was hurt, make sure she was resting, and let them heal properly. You knew even when Lisa basically ordered her into bed rest she didn't listen most of the time, but you wanted to be there to make sure she did. To rest with her in her bed, hold her close and let her know it was ok to let her guard down. When she got angry you wanted to be there to console her. To be the one she spoke to instead of drowning in the much too-expensive alcohol. Maybe even be the one to hold her when she needed to be held.

You could distinctly remember when these thoughts and feelings truly started.

"Why are you doing this?" You had asked one day after she came back from a meeting. "I don't know anything from my old captor, I was simply held as a slave. I have no information. And if you brought me here to be your pet who warms your bed, I'll tell you exactly what I told them. You'll have to kill me before I let you use me for my body."

"That's not why you're here. You're here because you're mine and I love you." She had responded calmly.

"Oh, cut the bullshit. I don't need to be used like this if you want information. I hated them, if I had any, I'd give it to you. But I don't So stop trying to pretend and kill me or let me go."

"I said you're here because I love you. I know you don't love me yet, but that's fine, you'll love me eventually. You're mine."

"Fucking hell. I am nobodies. I wasn't theirs and I'm not yours. Why would I love another captor?"

"Why?" She questioned back mockingly with a teary laugh. "I have waited patiently for you to realize why, but since you need me to, I'll spell it out for you. I love you. I have waited patiently for four months, 12 days, and 13 hours so far. Holding myself back from spoiling you and treating you like the queen you are. I want you to fall in love with me in your own way. I-I..."

Her voice cracked as tears of frustration came out. "I just want you to love me, why can't that happen? I saw you and I immediately fell in love and I know, trust me I know, I'm not easy to love but I saw you and I knew you wouldn't be either. You and I could be amazing together. Why won't you just love me? Why won't you even try? Am I that unlovable to you?" With those sad words, she ran upstairs in tears, locking her door.

After that outburst that day, Jennie completely acted as though it never happened, but her words rang in your head like gunshots. It had been a week, and yet that question never left your mind. 'Why won't you just love me?' And honestly, you came to the conclusion that maybe, maybe you could try. She never hurt you or tried to force you to do anything. You at least owed her that. And maybe it was something you wanted as well.

You crept downstairs, your socked feet making no noise as you came upon Jennie cooking in the kitchen, her back turned to you as she stirred something in the pot while humming. You could notice her back tense as she became aware of someone else in the room, although she must've known it was you because she just keeps humming and cooking never looking back. A sharp gasp does leave her, however, when you wrap your arms around her waist from behind and press your face between her shoulder blades. Her body almost instantly relaxes into you, like the two of you were made to mold together. Neither one of you speaks for a moment, everything silent save for the breaths that leave the both of you before you speak.

"I don't think I can love you yet, but I think I'm ready to accept your love for me."

Park Chaeyoung | Rosé

You weren't very comfortable being touched, Chaeyoung understood that. You were wary of her, Chaeyoung understood that. You didn't want to open up and accept her affections immediately, Chaeyoung understood that. Whatever you were going through, Chaeyoung understood and gave you space. She let you acclimate, waited patiently for you to understand too. Understand that this was what was good for you, that she was what would be good for you. That she was who you were meant to be with to be happy.

At first, you were angry at her, for taking you away from the life you had. Chaeyoung understood that. She was expecting that. But you were supposed to have warmed up to her by now. It had been almost six months now. So why the fuck were you still acting this way. This was good for you, she was good for you. The life she was offering, no, giving you was much better than what you used to have.

Instead, whenever she called you sweet names, vile words would drip from you in return. When she tried to move closer to you, you'd move away, putting what seemed like miles of distance between the two of you. Whenever she'd come home wounded she was only met with your indifferent wall of silence. You were no longer angry, but this was something worse. This silence was like a thousand deafening daggers piercing her skin.

If only she knew that when she called you sweet names you just wanted to melt and bury yourself in her sweet vanilla and rose scent. Whenever she moved closer, you let yourself relax in her presence, wanting to reach out for her as well. Whenever she came home with wounds and cries of pain all you wanted was to help mend them. Kiss them better and hold her so she can cry into your shoulder. No, you were no longer angry, now you were in this weird state of not loving her but loving her love for you and wanting to love her. You felt strong affection for her, fucking hell, you liked your captor. You liked being with her, you liked how even when you didn't speak you made her happy. You liked the feeling of having someone love you.

Chaeyoung watched you from the doorway into your room as you folded laundry. "I'll let you go."

Your hands paused on the light pink fabric as you listened closely to her words. Her voice sounded defeated, and she seemed like she was going to cry.

"I thought you'd be happy with me, that I could get you to love me the way I love you. B-But I was wrong and seeing you unhappy is hurting me so bad. And I know, seeing you live a life without me, have someone else love you will kill me too, but seeing you hate me is killing me as well and if I can't be happy I at least want you to be happy..."

"I don't hate you." You cut her off, turning to see her surprised face as you continued speaking, walking closer to her. "I actually think I quite like you. I'm just so scared of that."

"Why?" Chaeyoung's voice was breathy as you drew closer.

"You took me, it feels so wrong to feel anything other than hate for you, but, I don't hate you at all. You took me, but what happens when I don't bring you joy anymore? Will you replace me? Will you even still love me?"

Chaeyoungs hands reached up to cup your face and when you didn't move away they stroked your cheeks. "You're not a toy, you're my love. Please, let me love you and prove myself worthy of your love."

You searched her eyes. "Will you hurt me?"

"Never."

"Then please, never let me go." You brought yourself into her embrace, melting into her sweet aura.

"Never, my love."

Lalisa Manobal | Lisa

Lisa wasn't sure what to do. Flowers, who the fuck sent her flowers?

"Lisa-yah, I miss you <3 Come see me soon! - Myeon-Hee"

"So, I'm not the only one you took." Lisa jumped at the startling sound of your voice before turning to face you, surprised at your closeness as you read over her shoulder, a displeased frown on your face. You glare at the note and the flowers a bit more before you notice Lisa staring at you, close enough to where your breaths ghosted over one another's faces. After a second you take a step away, still within arms reach of her.

"W-What do you mean?" Lisa manages to stutter out after the initial shock of you being so close to her wore off.

"I'm not the only one you took. Do you just make it a habit to kidnap rival gang slaves?" Your voice was bitter and laced with traces of anger that took Lisa aback. But very quickly her face morphed into a cocky smirk.

"Why? Is my Baby jealous?" She watched as your face flushed and was ready to watch your adorable stuttering as you denied it, but you seemed to surprise her again.

"Of course I am! You spent all these months promising me I'm special and that you love me and it just turned out to be a lie. How many other bitches do you have waiting for you?" In any other situation, Lisa would find your fuming form adorable right now, this was the first time you were angry at her and you looked so cute. And it was because you were jealous! But what you were insinuating made her frown deeply, ready to rebut everything you were saying.

"Don't you dare fucking say that? You know you're my one and only and-"

"I mean, to think, I was actually starting to like you. I was like 'hmm, maybe she is telling me the truth, after all, she did save me, maybe I should give her a chance.' and yet all this time I'm just another girl you kidnapped to use as a toy." You didn't let her finish and continued ranting.

"Now wait a minute..." Lisa tried to stop you but you just kept going, ignoring her following you to try and stop you.

"You fucking liar! I was so fucking ready to give you a chance, to give this a chance. I was so ready to start trusting you! And you just-"

"Y/N!" Lisa finally shouted, causing you to jump in surprise before turning to face her. She was frowning with her hands on her hips. "You know damn well that I love you. If you don't by now, then that's highly concerning. Myeon-Hee is a friend from another gang, she's had a crush on me for a while but it's never turned into anything but her annoying pining. Stop trying to downgrade yourself, you aren't some 'whore' or 'toy' or 'bitch' you are the woman I love. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve."

A coy smirk returned to her face. "Now, what was it you were saying about liking me and wanting to give us a chance?"

Now it was your turn to stutter out words in surprise. "I-Um-Well, you see- That's..."

Lisa laughed before stepping forward and grabbing you by the waist drawing you close, her breath fanned over your lips and you closed your eyes.

"Do you want this? Want me?"

"Yes," you breathed, expecting a kiss. Instead, soft lips left a fluttering kiss on your head before her arms left you, and the warmth of her body faded as she stepped away from you. You opened your eyes to see her staring at you, that same look of love in her eyes that's been there since that first day in the hospital, except now it didn't look horrifying to you. It looked like something that gave you that warm happy feeling in your chest.

"Then you'll never lose me, baby, you belong to me now."

『••✎••』

#blackpink jennie #blackpink lisa #blackpink jisoo #blackpink rosè #blackpink yandere #yandere blackpink #yandere jennie #yandere jisoo #yandere lisa #yandere rosé

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yojeongin · 2 years

Text

stupid girl | j.jh FINALE [TEASER]

→kinesiology major!jung jaehyun x stem major!reader

genre: 2000s chat room au, so much smut, suspense, drama, psychological thriller, established relationship, college au

synopsis: finally having met the stranger on your screen, things take a turn for better or for worse; friendship is on the line, intentions are questionable, and perceptions become skewed. with the flow of things due to his selfish tendencies, jaehyun’s naivety fails to show him the bigger picture.

tw (for teaser): smut on full post, toxic/mutual codependent relationship, mentions of stalking, possessiveness, obsession, gaslighting/manipulation, violence, drinking

wc: 1339 (for teaser only)

coming soon this Saturday: November 27, 2021.

His phone not far from Yuno’s face, Jungkook clicked left and right, showing him a few of the pictures. All of Yuno being not so far from you, all without you noticing him. His jaw clenched, he felt his breathing slow, and his chest was angrily collapsing. Even so he was not going to confess to shit.

“You won’t say anything, you little bitch.” Jungkook’s eyebrows became knitted in anger. Despite all the proof, Jaehyun continued to deny it all. He could sense it, the anger seeping through his pores, Yuno smirked again.

“You always try and nothing ever happens, she always turns you down. Why the fuck would you think it’ll work this time?”

With no response, he continued.

“You’re really funny sometimes. You’re funny to think you can get between us, You’re a freak, Kookie. You stay on the line and hear us fuck, you know exactly when to interrupt us when I’m balls deep in her, and just now you couldn’t keep your prying eyes away from us with the most minimum of contact. Are you some sexual deviant or something? It wouldn’t surprise me if you have a camera in her place like a sick man.” Jaehyun laughed, grabbing his cup again, pouring more alcoholic liquid before drinking from it.

This time Jungkook felt the boiling rage in his chest, it was clawing at him like it had been doing so for the past months. “You’re so full of shit, God damn.” Jungkook answered, his hands balling into fists. Jaehyun noticed the action, rolling his eyes knowing that after those April happenings, the punches were nothing but a pass to eternal attention and coddling from you.

“What happened to us? We used to be friends. Or what? Are you jealous that she and I have known each other for the same amount as you and she trusts me more? If you’re fighting for the best friend role you should take that up with Kata or Margo, not with me.” Pouting, Jaehyun immediately smirks at Jungkook before laughing at his reaction.

Jungkook looked at how relaxed he was, almost like he truly didn’t care about the effect he was leaving on the other boy. “You’re only talking because you can, otherwise you’d shut the fuck up.”

“Or what?” Cocking an eyebrow, he turned to the other boy. “You’ll tell her? I don’t care. She’ll go back to telling you you’re insane and concerned that you’re so worried about me. Come on, worry about yourself for once, consider who your real best friend is because it surely is not her. She hasn’t known you long enough to dictate that.”

“But she’s known you long enough to put her trust on you?”

Jaehyun nodded with a sweet smile, finishing the last drops inside the cup before pushing it aside. “You truly fucking irk me. Everything has to be about you, doesn’t it?” Jungkook asked, pushing a bit at the boy’s shoulder.

“You make it all about me. Do you really care for her wellbeing? Do you care about me? Or do you care that I’m taking the one person you actually feel close to and is slowly losing every single drop of trust in you because you don’t know how to do your craft well? She doesn’t care about you, if she did she would’ve listened so much earlier about your warnings yet she’s still with me. Maybe you should drop it because that’s exactly what she'll do to you if you keep pushing it. If one thing she’s clear about— it’s me being her priority.”

Jungkook felt the rush of alcohol pump through his veins, the heated fury in his body lurching towards the brunette that sat next to him, fists taking a hold of his once ironed shirt and throwing the both of them to the dirty floor.

With such actions, Minghao and Dongmin sat in shock, not counting for this to happen when the two were having a good time not so long ago.

“You fucking, bastard.” There went a punch. “You always think you’re so fucking right, that you’re always going to have leverage.” There went another punch. “But you’re a fucking idiot! You follow her around like a lost puppy, don’t you think you bore her sometimes? Maybe that’s why she’s disappeared from you this entire night!” Jungkook tried going for a third punch but this time the rage raised within Jaehyun, pushing the other guy to his own back and returning the first two punches.

“She was so happy these two months without you. She could fucking breathe without you hogging and bothering her, you’re a fucking pest, Yuno!” Jaehyun’s own fist came down on his face again, just like those of the angry men did to his a while ago.

Jungkook, took everything in his power to roll over and bring Jaehyun to where he first was. “Don’t fucking call me Yuno.” He said it with such calmness, one that despite being in power at the moment— scared Jungkook shit-less.

It hadn’t been long since you left them both and just to come back to see people surrounding the area had piqued your interest, it wasn’t until you noticed the two being the clowns of the show; that panic rose in you, placing down the soda you had gone to get on the table where their drinks rested.

“Are you fucking serious? You idiots aren’t going to stop this?!” You exasperatedly yelled at Dongmin and Minghao, still sat in shock that it had finally happened. “Move!” You screamed at them again in anger, watching them scram out of the booth to go and break apart the fight happening in front of you all.

You couldn’t say much and you didn’t. You didn’t know where to start to be honest. You just watched as Jaehyun and Jungkook tried to punch each other again despite Minghao and Dongmin struggling to keep them apart. It wasn’t until Jungkook yelled at Jaehyun calling him a creep once more, that you finally snapped.

“I’ve fucking had enough of this, Jungkook! It’s the same bullshit and you still don’t show any concrete evidence. What is wrong with you?! Why can’t you be happy for me?!” You glared at him, chest rising in anger as you walked towards Jaehyun, pouting at his busted lip and cheek beginning to swell.

Jungkook gasps, looking around in disbelief of what you’re saying. “Are you— I do have proof. Plenty of it!” He exclaimed, reaching for something in his pocket to which Jaehyun believed it was his phone. To be honest if he was to show the picture on his phone, Jaehyun wouldn’t bother, he had met with you those days, Jungkook was just not that good at handling his timeline and proof well.

“Here.” He began, pulling one of those small digital cameras out of his pocket. For once, actual fright washed through Jaehyun’s body. He felt his blood thicken and body become cold, a chill he couldn’t abandon.

You took the device within your hands, huffing in annoyance as you pressed buttons he guided you through. You couldn’t say you weren’t scared that he would be right and that your sweet boy was nothing but a creep who followed you around everywhere you went.

Your eyes flickered in between the images in the camera and Jaehyun who stood stoically, held by Dongmin who tried his best to hold him back from even thinking about attacking Jungkook again.

A smirk of triumph rested on Jungkook’s lips. He felt victorious seeing the horror run across your face and the look of disgust you threw at Jaehyun. With the way Jungkook was reacting, Yuno was feeling defeated, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach.

“What the fuck?...” You softly said, Yuno beginning to feel himself heave at the image in front of him. “I told you, didn’t I?” Jungkook questioned, a smile on his face that soon faded when you expeditiously shook your head with a look of disgust on your own.

#kwritersworldnet #nctcreations #neosmutcollective #cznnet #jaehyun smut #jung jaehyun #nct smut #jaehyun #jaehyun x you #jaehyun x reader #nct 127 smut #nct u smut #nct 127 #nct

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taechaos · 3 years

Text

Social Media

from Textbook Love drabbles

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble(?), smut, college au

synopsis: “She’s too sweet,” Taehyung begins, “too kind, too nice, everything you’re not. You wouldn’t be trying to keep me away from her if you didn’t know that. Are you afraid she’ll like me better?”

warnings: slight angst, arguing, dubcon, mild violence

word count: 4.7k

a/n: ima need yall to submit jk gifs cuz it is taking me TOO long to find a good one 👺 not proofread.

The weekend is fun: students’ two days of temporary rest and catching up on their assignments. Jungkook doesn’t concern himself with the latter, but he does enjoy waking up later in the day and lying down on the grass with his arms crossed under his head, bathing in the sun without any worries. It’s peaceful, thinking thoughts of you with dimmed eyes while the breeze gently wafts past him.

But of course, Taehyung wouldn’t let him just enjoy his day without a hint of irritation. Good things never last anyway. He’s sitting in the middle of the field, a hot spot for relaxation, and feels the soil under his palms while observing his surroundings. Yoongi is with them, munching on a few snacks while scrolling through his phone as it quietly plays music.

“The girl at the party,” Taehyung begins before glancing at Jungkook through his sunglasses, “she was alone when I came back. You weren’t around either; did you cum too soon or something? I saw you two kiss.”

“I left,” Jungkook mumbles without opening his eyes.

“Why?”

“I was bored.”

“And where did you go?” he pries.

“None of your business.”

Taehyung scoffs at his dismissal before averting his gaze elsewhere. “I do have a guess.”

“Don’t start,” Yoongi warns him without looking up. The two best friends usually get into arguments in a matter of seconds daily, and Yoongi just wants to spend his day without having to break up a fight. Just this once, he hopes… but hope doesn’t save him.

“I’m just wondering if you actually went all the way back to campus to fuck another girl, who coincidentally also does your homework.” His tone is cool and collected, but it borders on mocking that usually goes unnoticed. He’s been around these two too long for them to miss, however. Yoongi sighs, dreading the response already.

Jungkook sits up on his elbows with a glare directed towards Taehyung. “How’s your ex holding up, Tae? You think she cheated on another guy yet?”

Neither of the two friends have a filter around them, no consideration for their words as they apathetically insult one another; but Jungkook can go too far, especially by bringing up old wounds.

Taehyung was in a toxic relationship with his first girlfriend of two years, which took a huge toll on his mindset. Constant infidelity, endless forgiving, make up sex and catching her with another man after: a cycle that went on for over 24 months. The concept of love became tainted in his eyes, no longer interacting with the opposite gender if not to get laid, and Jungkook’s commensalistic - rather parasitic - relationship doesn’t disprove his hateful ideology. Love only consists of two people: a host who provides, and the parasite that selfishly takes it all.

But he isn’t over the pain that lasted a year after the break up, which was shamelessly executed by the parasite: his former girlfriend. It took a lot of trust to open up about it to his friends, and it lifted a heavy weight off of his chest. Only this year did he stop thinking about her, until Jungkook asked about her so casually. It stings his heart only for a second, and he scoffs as Yoongi intervenes, “Both of you need to shut the fuck up.”

“If you guys want to talk about my relationships, then don’t get all whiny when I talk about yours.”

Taehyung swallows his pride and confidently answers, “I don’t know, Jungkook. I hear she’s doing well, but no information on her boyfriends. Your turn: what’s going on with that nerd?”

“Elaborate.”

“Are you two dating?” Yoongi asks exhaustedly. They just keep taking every opportunity to annoy each other, and it’s even overwhelming him at this point.

Rolling his neck side to side in thought, Jungkook takes a moment to answer, “No.”

“Bullshit,” Taehyung spits. “You know what? Let’s just move on. I’m sure I could get proper answers from someone else.”

“If you have a death wish, that is,” he warns with a slight seethe before lying back down.

He doesn’t respond and hides a smirk, a couple having a romantic picnic ahead of him from a distance. He watches them for a few seconds before muttering to himself, “It’s not going to be my death.”

Yoongi and Jungkook chill on their own after Taehyung leaves. He’s roaming the campus in hopes of finding that one girl who is always wearing some school skirt and working 24/7 to find out what is so special about her. Jungkook might think he doesn’t notice them interacting, but behind that airhead facade, he’s observant. It’s not that big of a fucking secret either, they’re not deliberately hiding their strangely beneficial friendship or whatever. You stick out like a sore thumb in the yard, though there’s not many people to tell you apart from anyway.

He approaches you rather slowly, inspecting your figure first before meeting you. Your posture is straight and composed, fingers quickly typing away on your keyboard without even looking at them. You look so serious to him, a contrast to the radiant butterflies flying past you in such a bright environment. He wonders if you ever procrastinate or take breaks, and most importantly, how someone that appears so smart has fallen into such an obvious trap set by his best friend of all people.

His hands are in his pockets as he speaks his first words to you. “Hi, I’m Taehyung.”

Your reaction is instant: a quick look at him and you’re already frowning. “I’m Jungkook’s best friend,” he adds in case you’ve seen him around before.

“I don’t know you.” And with that distant reply, you return to your essay. If meeting Jimin has taught you anything, it’s that you can’t trust anyone who claims to know your lover. They are just using it against you…

“Well, shit,” he laughs, “I didn’t realize you were so cold.” Your eyes don’t waver from your screen, so he tries another approach: “Are you the girl Jungkook left the party a few days back for?”

Your ears perk up in his direction, but you don’t show it. But he notices the pause in your taps before you continue typing, and he holds that against you. He takes a seat across from you, and your laptop covers your face from him. “I just wanted to meet the person that’s got him whipped enough to get high and run off to them.” You bite down on a smile and prolong your silence. “I guess I’ll talk to you when you’re not busy.”

He stands up just as you tell him, “Wait, no, I’m not busy.” You close your laptop mid-way before hesitating, but slam it shut nonetheless. “Sorry.”

“You’re good.” He sits back down and clasps his hands on the table. “So what’s going on between you and him? He refuses to tell me, as if you’re his little secret.”

You shyly look down at your flats and twiddle your fingers on your lap. “We’re together… but he is very mysterious.”

It’s a good thing you don’t glance at him to hide your blush, because he’s a little skeptical. He puckers his lips and furrows his brows but controls his expression when you look up. He mentally curses for taking longer than a few seconds to respond; it’s suspicious. “I know right? I don’t know why he’s so reluctant to talk about you. You’re a total sweetheart.”

Approval from Jungkook’s friend: check. Will he like you more if you get along with his friends? The thought excites you, because at least this is someone he likes, unlike Jimin. “Thank you,” you shy a smile. “Um…”

You’re awkward: not Jungkook’s type, Taehyung notes. You’re obviously the host... “So is this a fling, or are you two serious?”

“We’re serious!” you immediately answer. “I love him, and he recently told me he loves me too. He used to kiss me for doing his homework, but now he does it out of nowhere.”

Wow… romantic. He suppresses a chuckle because he doesn’t want to laugh in your face, not when you’re so cute when you talk about him. Your eyes light up with a gleam, a lovesick smile gracing your face and now desperate to befriend him. You look like him when he was supposedly in love. You’re serious about Jungkook, but for how long? Especially when the other side of the relationship is not so committed. It should be mutual: with two hosts.

“Yeah?” he acts interested and raises his sunglasses up to his hair. “How does he act around you?”

“Well,” you start gushing, “he is a little closed off with his emotions.” True. “He doesn’t like me talking to other guys.” Ooh, interesting. “He can’t stand being ignored,” you chuckle. Can he now? “And… he is so cute when he’s jealous. He has this glare whenever I don’t give him enough attention, but he would never admit it. He likes being intimate with me, likes it when I reassure him. He never says it out loud though, I can just tell by looking at him. I’ve never felt this way for anyone, never fell in love with someone until I met Jungkook. I just want to make him happy because he used to look so sad when I watched him from afar.” A hopeless romantic.

Maybe if you didn’t sound so genuine and innocent, he would’ve made fun of you. But he just feels pity for someone who is so giving to someone who gives back so little. You don’t deserve it; don’t deserve to stay up working on so many assignments; don’t deserve to not have any hobbies; don’t deserve to be so unloved. You are pathetic, but it doesn’t turn him off.

Taehyung is a host too.

He clears his throat at the unexpected stirring emotions in his heart, “What do you love about him? Do you like being treated like shit or something?”

“He doesn’t treat me badly! He is like a light switch, you know? He doesn’t know how to act, sometimes sweet and sometimes… a little mean. I love him for his pure heart, and I believe that we are similar in a lot of ways.”

Taehyung can’t contain his snort. Similar? You are opposites. You are similar to him, not Jungkook. He feels… jealous. The pairing is just so ridiculous and flawed, but you’re neither of the two; you are just good. Taehyung can be good too. “So, what’s your Instagram user?”

The lack of commentary and escalation of the topic catches you off guard. It’s a distraction. “I don’t have an account,” you reply in confusion.

“Wow, I’d expect you to cyberstalk Jungkook on there,” he jokes with a laugh.

“He has an Instagram?”

He purses his lips, his grin faltering as he nods. He takes out his phone from his pocket to show you the account, and holds it in your face. Your lips part as you gently take it from him, curiously inspecting the collage of images.

“He plays the guitar?” you ask in awe. You click on each picture to zoom in on them, and your heart jumps upon seeing his selfies while Taehyung hums. He is gorgeous in your eyes, and you want to keep up with his posts in hopes of seeing another selfie. These are hidden gems that Taehyung had the courtesy of providing to you.

“He’s learning,” Taehyung says, “you should sign up and post some pictures as well. You’re really cute.” His cheeky compliment makes you happy; he is basically giving you his blessing!

“Thank you, and you’re right,” you chirp, “I will make an account after I finish this essay. Want to take a picture with me?”

It’s safe to assume that Jungkook wouldn’t mind you talking to his best friend, so why not expand your social circle? You’ll be more involved with his life this way. Taehyung stammers slightly before agreeing. He switches benches to sit next to you while you rummage through your backpack to find your phone. He finds it strangely endearing how you hold it, using your index finger to swipe between apps to find the camera. It almost stings his heart that you’re so old-schooled in a cute way. Once you angle it above you with your arm stretched out to your left, Taehyung appears to be behind you as he lowers his glasses. You smile brightly into the lens while he cutely puckers his lips.

Click.

“Are you wearing perfume?” he asks before he can stop himself. Your scent tickles his nostrils sweetly, and he doesn’t know why he’s noticing so much about you or holding a conversation with a woman without being naked. It’s been a hot minute since Taehyung’s had such a platonic interaction, and it shouldn’t feel this nice. He shouldn’t want to continue it through social media either.

“Yes! Do you smell strawberries? I noticed Jungkook eating them before, so I use just about anything strawberry scented. Lotion, shampoo, shower gel…”

He tunes you out as you gush and focuses on the smooth movement of your lips. You’re too good, and Taehyung knows he isn’t the best person but at least he’s not as bad as Jungkook. I shouldn’t think like this… but am I wrong? He will break your heart. What if it’s the right time to intervene to save you from that misery, and be a friend to both of you? He doesn’t want you to fall apart and be completely crushed right in front of his eyes, not when he just witnessed how childishly happy and naive you are. It wouldn’t be fair to you, nor to the life lesson he was taught years ago.

And he then notices that you're wearing strawberry lip balm.

“Jungkook kis-” -sed someone else before coming to you. You hum and tilt your head at his interruption, waiting for him to finish his sentence. “Jungkook… does love strawberries.”

Though your work ethics are questionable for how exhausting they are, it gets the job done sooner. The moment you’re assigned a task, you do it, regardless of if it’s yours or Jungkook's. Saturday evening and Sunday are free for you, so you spend your time outside after leaving your backpack in your dorm. You think you look silly, taking pictures of anything you find interesting to post on Instagram. You made an account, but it appears like a bot with its empty feed. Jungkook enjoys doing this, so you want to try it as well.

You don’t stray far from campus because you’d easily get lost, and your gallery looks boring to you. The only decent photo you have is with Taehyung, but you want to post a picture with Jungkook before anyone else. You grumble under your breath while walking back to the dormitory building. You look through Jungkook’s posts again as you do so with a smile.

A heavy arm slings over your shoulder and hitches your breath just as the culprit says, “What’s the rush?” He doesn’t even look at you, and you wonder if he recognized you from your clothes after coming up from behind you.

“Jungkookie!” you cheer excitedly. He glances at you and quirks a brow at the nickname. His eyes then trail to your lit up phone and snatches it from you, which you don’t fight against.

“You’re stalking me?” He scrolls through his profile from your phone and smirks before stating, “I didn’t know you had an Insta.” The both of you enter the building with his arm still wrapped around you, which flutters your heart.

“I made one today, since you use it.” He exits his profile to look at yours. You’re in the elevator as you inform, “Taehyung told me.”

A pause, then a click. Jungkook snapped a photo of you when you pressed the button of your floor. “Pretty,” he comments while looking at your candid shot. You’re flattered and also happy that he’s joining your trip to your dorm. He hasn’t said a word of protest and takes the lead in going to your room. “What else?”

“Hm?”

“What else did he tell you?”

You rack your brain to remember anything significant to tell him. It was a long conversation: getting to know each other and more about Jungkook. “He told me you have an Instagram, then asked for my perfume, and then we talked about your love for strawberries-”

“Your perfume? Why was Instagram even brought up?” he presses, stopping in front of your door.

You take out your keycard and shrug while swiping, “He asked for mine.”

The dorm is empty when you enter and sit on the edge of your bed. It’s very hard to not grin when you’re around Jungkook, but he doesn’t seem to care as he looks through your gallery. “Can we take a picture together?” you peep hopefully.

“Of course,” he murmurs absentmindedly, intently staring at your phone. “We’ll take many pictures,” he looks up at you before leveling with the camera, “pose.”

You aren’t very educated on the art of posing per se, so you imitate the peace sign you saw him do with a wide smile and a hand on the bed. He is neutral when he snaps a picture with a shutter.

“I want you to be in it.”

He drags his eyes away from the screen and his blank expression intimidates you. “Whose idea was it for you to make an account?”

“Um… Taehyung, why?” You lay your hands on your lap at the growing tension.

Taehyung went to this extent to get a reaction out of him? Is it possible that he’s this obnoxious? Or perhaps another motive…?

“I-Is he not your friend?”

Jungkook breaks his silence of thoughts with a scoff, “Oh, only the best.” You sigh in relief, though he says it with menace. Taehyung was curious about his relationship, not about your social media. He forcefully pushes you down on the bed and you hold back a gasp as he wraps his finger around your neck in a light chokehold with a thumb on your nether lip. Click. He then lowers his hand to your thigh, hiding half of it under your skirt with a gentle grap. Click.

Your cheeks flush at the compromising photos he’s taking and you nervously ask, “A-Am I going to post these?”

“Shut up.”

You seal your lips shut and he flips you on your stomach, palming your covered ass with your side profile in the frame, and another shutter resounds in the room. “Sit up.” You follow his command and turn around to face him. He pushes your hair to your back and his mouth latches onto your neck. He’s biting you while sucking on your flesh, and you release a breathy moan at the feeling of his tongue swirling on the sensitive skin. It hurts, but you don’t complain and try to make sense of the growing arousal in your lower region. He only pulls away after half a minute and you’re confused by the satisfied smirk on his face while eyeing the result. He angles your jaw to expose your neck better and snaps another photo. “These are all going on your account.”

At your nod of submission, he starts unbuttoning your shirt. “You’re prettier with a mark. My mark.” Your body tingles at the compliment and you help him undress yourself by unbuttoning the ends. “Take off your skirt,” he demands as he slips off his shirt with ease. All of your clothes go off one by one as he does the same, and you don’t have the time to feel shy as his lips collide so roughly with yours that you’re pressed down against the mattress again. You still haven’t gotten the hang of making out, but it doesn’t matter with Jungkook because although it flows naturally, he also takes complete control over you. He’s not gentle, not with the way his teeth clash against yours and tongue leaving trails of saliva all over your mouth. Your toes curl with desire and anticipation, and you tug at his briefs that outline his erection. The feeling of his warm breath on you silences all your thoughts and you can only react on primal instincts.

His crotch brushes against your bare folds, slick with your leaking wetness. Kissing him this passionately always leaves you feeling needy, and it embarrasses you that you get turned on so easily. But you don’t realize that is his intention as he glides his fingers all over your labia, making sure you’re ready to take all of him.

Kissing you this passionately always leaves him feeling horny, and it’s apparent with his cock begging to be taken out of the restraints of his underwear. You don’t know how long you’ve been kissing, but your lips are numb when he pulls away to position himself in your entrance. He doesn’t prepare you, but he doesn’t rush himself either as he painfully slowly enters you. You hold your breath and gawn on your swollen lip, moans catching in your throat and leaving as high-pitched hums. He sighs at the feeling of your pulsating walls. “God… always so tight. Don’t you ever touch yourself?”

He bottoms out and you whimper shakily at how full you are. The fact that he fits you like a puzzle piece convinces you that he’s your forever, your meant to be. Even with your lack of experience with other men, you believe no one can make you feel this dreamy. And to think he’s all yours now… “I-I don’t. I only want to do it with you.”

The atmosphere is so fragile, so romantic. It’s not your delusion this time, because he feels it too and it makes his heartbeat sync with yours: unsteady and rapid. And in the heat of the moment, he reveals, “I think I’m in love with you.”

A whine leaves you, so loud that it can’t be achieved with touch but with his words. It’s the utmost pleasure, and when he realizes what he said, he sets a rushed pace to distract himself from the embarrassment of pouring his feelings. You don’t allow him to forget as you echo, “I’m in love with you too.”

“No, no,” he denies with a shake of his head and it emits more love confessions out of you in a chain of ‘I love you’s, and he grunts, “Stop. Shut up!” He pins your forearms on either side of your head in a bruisening grip and thrusts into you harder. You have no choice but to scream in pleasure, unable to form coherent words when he’s practically fucking your brains out.

His feelings of humiliation translate to his actions: he pushes himself down to the hilt, throbbing with lust but doesn’t chase his high. He doesn’t want you to talk, not when he’s blushing for more than one reason, so he ignores the contraction of his muscles and just fucks you until he can’t anymore, hypnotized by the bounce of your tits.

Maybe it’s a good thing that he’s so desperate, hitting your most sensitive spot with every thrust and making your eyes screw back. Neither of you can think, so loud and reckless until you reach your climax. It’s core shaking, as you cry out his name and tremble with stimulation. He’s never seen this expression on your face, one so twisted in pleasure and looking so erotic. It comes as a surprise and in the form of a punch in the gut as he savours your appearance before cumming inside you with a groan. A slip-up, a mistake, but he doesn’t care as he paints your walls in white, his load filling you up.

And he can’t regret it when he pulls out, because the drizzle of his cum spilling out of your pussy easily becomes his favorite sight. “Shit,” he whispers as more and more drips while you twitch and spasm from your orgasm. You don’t even realize what he’s done, and that makes his chest swell with pride; the most level-headed woman he knows is leaking with his release and stupidly doesn’t spare it a thought. And with that hickey on your neck? “You look fucking gorgeous,” he exhales. A bashful smile stretches across your face with eyes still tightly shut, and you don’t notice him grab your phone on the other side of the bed to take a picture of your stained pussy.

“This one is for me,” he mutters to himself. Click.

After posting the softcore photos on your account and tagging himself in them, as well as a note of a pharmacy’s address across campus with a label written for you to get two separate contraceptives as an emergency and for your next creampie, he leaves your dorm. You fell asleep on him, and though he had wanted to join you, he decided to collect his scrambled thoughts and go to Taehyung’s dorm first. He isn’t livid, but he has a few questions to ask.

He’s playing cards with Yoongi, Taehyung’s roommate, as he patiently waits for his arrival. “What’s wrong about asking for her Instagram, though?” Yoongi asks before drawing out a card of ace. “Isn’t she our friend by association anyway?”

“It’s suspicious,” Jungkook murmurs while inspecting his deck. “Have you ever seen Taehyung with a girl before? As friends? He’s clearly trying to fuck her.”

Yoongi stifles a laugh, “That’s a reach. Besides, you two have shared a girl before. Are you actually dating her?”

Shuffling is heard behind the door until it swings open as Taehyung enters. “Kookie! What are you doing here?” He throws his keycard on his bed before hopping on Yoongi’s to watch their game.

It’s strained, Jungkook notices. His excitement is forced; why? “I came here for you,” he states bluntly. “A little birdie told me you’ve been talking to someone who belongs to me.”

“I didn’t realize she was your diary,” he tries to lighten the mood with a joke. “What’s the deal anyway? You said you weren’t dating her.”

Yoongi collects the deck of cards after Jungkook drops them, and shuffles them while eavesdropping. He’s sitting cross-legged across from Jungkook, and Taehyung is sitting on the edge of the bed next to him with his body turned sideways.

“I also said that unless you have a death wish, don’t talk to her,” he grits. “And asking for her social media? Are you into her now?”

Taehyung merely shrugs. “I thought she was pretty chill. I don’t know why you’re so mad.”

“She obviously means something to him, so I think you should just respect that, Taehyung,” Yoongi voices his thoughts while leafing the cards. Jungkook looks to the side and pokes the inner cheek of his mouth with his tongue but doesn’t argue.

“I think he’s just using her.” Jungkook’s reaction is instant as Taehyung’s nose instantly starts to bleed from the impact of his fist. Yoongi doesn’t look up. He holds a hand over his injury with a hiss and continues, “Really, Kook? A little too much, don’t you think?”

“Less than enough,” Jungkook fumes, “I like her, and she likes me. Just fucking leave it at that.”

“Couple of the year,” Taehyung chuckles mockingly, “I give it two days.” He stands up before Jungkook can hit him again. “Can’t wait to console her after your break-up, maybe she’ll fall in love with me next.”

Jungkook starts chasing him around the room as Taehyung runs without stopping his provocation. “Why so upset Jungkook? Do you see it happening too? I’m already imagining how tight-”

“You should leave, Jungkook.” Neither of them listen to Yoongi, so he yells, “Jungkook, leave!”

A moment of deafening silence passes as both of them pause to catch their breaths. “She’s too sweet,” Taehyung begins, “too kind, too nice, everything you’re not. You wouldn’t be trying to keep me away from her if you didn’t know that. Are you afraid she’ll like me better?”

“Go fuck yourself,” Jungkook spits with a heaving chest. “She’s loyal to me, but I’m sure you’re not familiar with that concept. No wonder your relationships only last one night.” With a final glare, he leaves as told to return to you. The only thing he needs right now is one more ‘I love you’ from you, as much as he hates it. Maybe he’s cruel, but he doesn’t know anyone who isn’t aside from you.

Maybe Taehyung is just as cruel, fantasizing about all the ways he could be better for you before drifting off to sleep with a bandage over his wounded nose. He can just be a friend to both of you… he can be good too…

#bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts x reader #bts smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook imagines #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jjk smut #bts fic #kpop #jungkook fic #jeon jungoook smut

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sleeping-on-cracking-ice · 3 years

Note

heyo your imagines are amazing and i like reading them so much. i really appreciate you for writing for Alice in borderland as there isn’t a lot of content out there~ can you please write an imagine for niragi where the reader has been at the beach for quite the time and when she gets to know niragi she somehow falls for him because she sees right through him, and that he maybe starts to develop feelings for the reader too because she’s fearless and very confident. if it’s not too much trouble, could you make it a bit suggestive as well? thank you in advance~~

Of course I can! I’m not the best at writing with suggestive themes so I’ll try my best! 😅 I’m sorry but I changed the story line a little bit for it to fit more, so I hope this is still kind of what you had in mind.

Unlovable | Suguru Niragi

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

Character(s): Niragi (ft. Ann, Aguni, Hatter, Mira, Chishiya, Arisu, Last Boss)

Summary: Niragi finally finds you, who loves him for who he is, well, not exactly. And he gets a bit too attached.

Warnings: toxic relationship, suggestive themes, a lot of gaslighting, obsessive themes, a little bit angsty, threatening, choking, swearing, name calling

Word Count: 3.2k

*reader is female

Author’s Note: Sorry this took a while to post. I was busy for the past couple of days so it’s kinda rushed 😣

“Y/N! Come quick!”

You jolted awake as Ann burst into your room, shaking the door frame from the force. You blinked your eyes to adjust to the light, looking at her dazed.

“What?” you murmured, sitting up and out of the comfy sheets on your bed.

“The executives have called a meeting. They say it’s urgent,” she stressed, rushing up to the side of your bed and ripping the duvet off of you.

You shivered and sighed loudly in disappointment. “Why? It’s too early for this shit,” you whined, rolling back onto your side and closing your eyes again. These urgent emergency meetings have become ridiculous, always taking place in the morning when everyone’s still sleeping. You would gladly have quit having the higher place at The Beach if it meant for you to have some peace and quiet.

“Now!” Ann pushed again. You groaned in annoyance and got out of bed. She seemed serious, so you didn’t want to anger her more.

You both quickly made your way to the top floor where the meeting room for the executives was located. You noticed Ann’s heavy breathing and worried expression, making you anxious as to what she thinks could have happened.

Hatter had left the night before to replenish his visa, having a big celebration as he drove off with Aguni and a few more of his men. Things had been becoming more tense as time went on. It felt wrong watching Hatter drive away so reluctantly. You offered to assist him in his game, seeing as you earned yourself a high number at The Beach from clearing many difficult games yourself. But Hatter declined, insisting that he would return to The Beach safe and sound before you knew it.

But unfortunately, he was wrong.

You and Ann rushed into the large room. You saw Arisu and Chishiya standing near the end of the table placed in the middle of the room. You strolled over to them and laid eyes on the scene before you.

There, Hatter laid dead on the table. Limbs spread out lifeless, skin pale and dead. The horrific sight made you feel sick, making you cover your mouth with your hand. The scene almost felt unreal, this shouldn’t have happened. Hatter wouldn’t be dead if you just went with him.

Ann walked over to his body to examine it, but before she even had the chance to touch the bullet wound embedded in his bare chest, Niragi barged into the room with his usual cocky and obnoxious aura filling the air like a bad smell.

“Oi, don’t touch him as you please. You dissection maniac,” he growled.

Your eyes followed him closely. Now that Hatter was gone, people like him could start dangerous trouble at the hotel. But, as long as you said something about it, you would make sure Niragi wouldn’t start any fires that he’s not willing to put out himself.

After all, you were the only person who knew his true self, and how he perceived everyone around him. It was pathetic really. In a way you took pity on him. Such a simple tactic for the brain to protect itself, become a heartless and cold monster towards others so no one could ever do the same to you again.

With Niragi, unfortunately it was hunt or be hunted.

You kept your strong gaze on him as he lifted his eyes to meet yours from across the table for a hot minute. His dark orbs glistened as they locked with yours, making the tension in the room become thicker as every second passed. He smirked in your direction before turning away.

“He was shot by a gun,” Ann stated, breaking the thick silence in the room. She looked over the small hole in his chest in fascination.

“What will happen to The Beach?” a young man asked who was standing nearby you. You stayed silent, not wanting to start anything that may end in chaos. You always had good points and valid arguments, but sometimes you knew when the best time was to bring them up. This was not it.

“I mean it’s only reasonable for the strongest to become the new leader!” Niragi exclaimed over everyone. “We need someone who can take good care of The Beach and keep order,” he yapped on, swinging his sniper rifle all around making a few people flinch when he aimed it at them.

You rolled your eyes at his behaviour. Trust him to be the most opinionated.

“I say, how about Aguni as our new leader,” he suggested, leaning forwards onto the table and watching everyone like a hawk. Aguni held no reaction, keeping his usual cold stone expression while having Niragi speak for him.

After no one reacted, all looking down to the ground to avoid Niragi’s gaze, he stood up straight and pulled a bored expression. “That’s not a good reaction,” he mocked, “Last Boss?”

You glanced over to where the hooded figure stood, watching in fear as he unsheathed his katana sword and rushed over to Ann, holding the deathly sharp blade a few inches from her throat. Your heart leaped to your mouth. If he was to try anything, you were ready to start chaos.

But nothing of the sort happened. Ann simply sighed frustratingly and held up her hand obediently. Niragi hummed, approving.

“This isn’t a majority vote,” Mira hissed from next to him.

Niragi stood and leaned his face close to hers, holding the barrel of his weapon close to her face to threaten her. “But it is! Isn’t it? After all, you’re all free to vote as well.”

One by one, he slowly circled the table, each person being scared for their life the closer he got to them. But you remained calm next to Chishiya, knowing that considering the relationship you have with Niragi, he wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you. He didn’t have the guts to.

As he moved from Chishiya, he finally locked eyes with you. He quickly strolled up to your still frame, stopping suddenly very close to you in an attempt to make you feel threatened. ‘As usual,’ you thought to yourself. ‘The old “I’m taller and bigger than you so I’m stronger” stupid tactic.’

“And what about you princess? Care to raise your hand for a vote for Aguni?” he hissed into your face. You held your neutral expression, becoming bored from this act he was putting on. It was purely for show, and yet wasn’t everyone’s personality? But Niragi, his act of this scary psychotic man angered you to your core.

“What if I don’t?” you snickered, walking towards him in an attempt of intimidation. He took a step back in shock. “It’s not like you need my precious vote, you already have so many.”

Niragi’s usual cocky smirk melted from his face, turning into a frustrated scowl. You felt him put his rifle underneath your chin, forcing you to lock eyes with him. “Be careful with that tongue of yours sweetheart, you wouldn’t want to lose it,” he growled quietly.

His threat made you smirk, almost bringing butterflies into your stomach. “I think you should be more concerned about that head of yours. You wouldn’t want to get it stuck too far up your own ass.”

You flinched as you felt his rough hand shoot from his rifle to your neck, instantly tightening around your throat making you widen your eyes in surprise. You lifted your arm and gripped his wrist in case he tightened his hold anymore. The look on his face was deathly. If looks could kill, you’d be already a few years into the afterlife.

Chishiya stood beside you watching the whole scene. He knew better than to intervene, as he could tell that Niragi wouldn’t ever intentionally permanently hurt you.

Niragi held you still as he leaned down to your ear, his hot breath hitting your sensitive skin. “Shut your fucking mouth you brat. You wouldn’t want me to hurt you too much later, would you?” You cringed as you felt his tongue slide behind the back of your ear, the piercing making you shiver.

“Niragi,” you heard Aguni say, saving you from the public embarrassment of getting felt up by Niragi in front of everyone you knew. “That’s enough, I think she gets the point.”

Niragi grunted in annoyance before loosening his fist on your neck. You sucked in a huge gasp of air, coughing slightly. Chishiya placed a gentle hand on your back in a sign of care, hoping that you’re okay.

Niragi aimed his rifle lazily at Chishiya’s face. “She’s fine, don’t touch her. A little choking is nothing she can’t handle.”

Chishiya immediately took his hand off of you, being taken back by Niragi’s comment.

You stood up straight after recovering, laying your eyes back on Niragi as he continued terrorizing the executive members.

God you hated that man. You hated how much you loved him.

*************

The room was now empty, consisting of no one except for you and Ann, who was still looking over Hatter’s body for any other injuries. You watched curiously, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

“Seems a bit weird, doesn’t it?” you spoke up through the silence.

“What does?” Ann answered, not bothering to look at you.

“Someone with a hundred percent winning streak dies now? Just as the tension between the militants and the others was getting to its peak?” you questioned.

Ann rolled her eyes sarcastically and turned towards you. “Took you long enough to figure out. Really? You didn’t suspect that from the start? Even after that shit-show that Niragi pulled earlier?”

You were taken back by her sudden anger. Ann never became mad at you, even if she had a legitimate reason to. You looked at her as she stared into your eyes intensely before sighing and turning back to Hatter.

“Sorry Y/N,” she apologized. “I’m just stressed. This shit is getting too heavy to handle, and now with Hatter gone and Aguni in his place, who knows what will happen to people like you, me, Mira, Chishiya and Alice. They could kill us if they want to.”

Her words hit your heart heavily. It was true. Aguni and his militants were never a particularly predictable bunch. And you weren’t exactly on all their good sides, well, except for Niragi’s.

“Sorry Ann,” you muttered out quietly. You thought it would be best to leave her alone. She obviously was quite distraught from Hatter’s death.

You shuffled out of the room, head held low in despair. Who knew what would happen to this place now? It was like a ticking time bomb only no one knew how long there was left until it exploded.

As you walked through the large door frame that led outside of the meeting room, a sudden grip on your arm brought you out of your thoughts and made you yelp. You were yanked into a hard chest, being held close and tight.

“Hey love. How are you feeling?” the person growled. You looked to see it was none other than Niragi himself. Of course it was, who else would treat you so roughly?

You stared into his ominous eyes, trying to read him. He ran his hand down your back slowly causing you to shiver. “Niragi,” you breathed out. You pushed against his broad chest to separate you. “Sorry, but I’m not in the mood right now.”

You stepped away from him and tried to escape down the hall, but he grabbed your hand before you could go anywhere. “Bullshit. You’re never in the mood. And the sass you were giving me in there in front of everyone says otherwise.” He pulled you back towards him, pushing your head onto his shoulder and nuzzling into your neck. “I didn’t like how you treated me, it made me upset.”

He was lying through his teeth, knowing that making you feel guilty for defending yourself against him would bring him more of your attention. Simple gaslighting, worked every time.

You chuckled against him then leaned back and cupped his face with your hands. He held a sad expression on his face, obviously to make you sympathetic.

“You’re such a big baby,” you laughed. “Try to act so tough and dominant in front of everyone, but look at you now. Crying into my shoulder about your feewings?” you mocked him. Niragi scowled and pulled his head out of your hands. “Shut up, as if you’re any better.”

It was true. That’s why you both clicked together. He was a gaslighting maniac who knew how to put up a fake ‘nice guy’ façade around you and you were a tough and snappy woman, who felt much too much empathy for others.

That’s how you fell into his trap. He used your empathy to his advantage, making you fall in love with him so he could have what he’d always wanted. Someone who loves him for who he is, no matter how many masks he had to put on for them.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, leaning up and pressing a small peck onto his lips. “Can you promise me something?” he suddenly asked after you pulled away from his face.

You grew anxious about what he wanted and nodded your head slowly in hesitation.

“When the chance comes, can we leave The Beach together? Like, run away?” he questioned, snaking his arms around your waist and squeezing tightly.

You laughed at his question, making him frown. He was being completely serious. “And go where Niragi? There’s not exactly a place we can go to.”

“Anywhere,” he answered sharply. “We could find a nice little hideout in Tokyo. Just you and me, no one else.” His grip on your waist tightened, making you flinch in his arms slightly.

He could see you tossing between answers. It wasn’t working, he had to try something else. He put on the fakest sad face he could do and pressed his forehead against yours while pouting. “Please? I promise I’ll take care of you.”

You practically melted as his begging. “Okay,” you sighed.

“Promise me,” he reminded you, running a hand through your soft hair.

There was a short moment of silence before you answered. “I promise.”

*************

You laid in your room with the sheets tossed lazily over you. Niragi was called to go talk to Aguni again before he went to sleep, so you were waiting for him.

Your eyes scanned your book quickly, wanting to finish the chapter you were on before Niragi returned. Because god forbid you having your attention on something that wasn’t him when he was around.

You glanced over at the door when you heard it creep open and Niragi stepped in, placing his sniper rifle carefully on the ground nearby and removing his boots.

“You took your time.” you teased, putting your book on the nightstand and sitting up in bed. Niragi groaned tiredly, stumbling over to your shared bed and collapsed dramatically face down onto the duvet. You giggled at him, running a soft hand though his midnight hair and pulling it out of it’s hair tie.

If he was a cat, he swore he could’ve purred at your touch. It made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. Not having physical affection for years on end does that to a person.

He sat up and crawled over to you. He grabbed your chin and pressed your lips together roughly, running his tongue across your mouth as he did so. You groaned into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck, making him smirk against your lips.

After a few minutes, he detached his lips from yours and started licking and sucking your sensitive skin on your jaw, slowly making his way down your neck. He felt shivers run down his spine as you gripped his shirt in your fist on his back. He loved having this power over you, and having you accept him and love him enough to not fight back.

You leaned your head back and closed your eyes, giving him more access to your neck. As you did so, he placed a hand on your lower back and pulled you towards him, forcing you to lie down on the bed with him hovering over you.

He pulled away from your neck and looked down at you, admiring your anxious expression painted across your face. He chucked. “What’s wrong baby,” he cooed, leaning down and continuing kissing your collarbones.

His voice was dripping in sweetness, so sweet it could’ve made you feel sick. It sounded fake, but you didn’t pick up on it. It was a shame. You saw Niragi as nothing but a victim of his own mind, but you weren’t able to see yourself becoming a victim of it.

“I’m just...” you mumbled out, feeling weak and vulnerable under his touch. “I’m scared Niragi.”

He pulled back again and looked into your eyes with a worried expression. “Why are you scared? It’s just me and you here angel. You’re perfectly safe,” he whispered out, stroking his knuckles down your cheek lovingly.

You knew you loved Niragi, but knowing he can change his personality in a blink of an eye unsettled you. Who knew when he would do that to you? You heard him speak up again.

“We’ve slept together many times before, why are you becoming shy just now?” he teased, lifting a hand and slowly running it up along your tummy underneath your shirt. Your breath hitched as his cold hands made contact, making your stomach muscles tense.

“So sensitive,” he cooed again, snuggling his head into your chest, just above your breasts. “I love you.”

The confession made your heart skip a beat and you tensed. Niragi noticed this, making his body fill with anxiety. Did he say it too soon?

“Sorry,” he mumbled against your shirt. “That was a bit much, you don’t have to say it back,” he gaslighted.

“No,” you cut him off. “I love you too.”

Niragi’s heart filled with warmth and he felt all his nerves tingle around his body. He hadn’t heard that since he was a kid, and hearing you say it did nothing but make him more fall in love.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he sniffed out. You looked down to see him staring at you, tears filling his eyes. It made your heart ache.

He took his body weight off you and hovered himself above you again. “I promise, I won’t let anyone ever hurt you,” he mumbled, voice cracking slightly. His arms that laid on either side of your head acted like a cage. Whether you were trapped willingly or forcefully was beyond your guess.

As he leaned his head down again and pressed his still wet lips against yours, you felt his lanky arms snake around your torso underneath you, keeping you in place.

You laid there, moving your mouths together and holding each other as close as possible. It would’ve almost been romantic and loving if it wasn’t for the context. While one was preying on their victim to achieve what they’ve so desperately wanted their whole life, the other believed that that person was the victim themselves.

Such irony, to love someone who has a ‘unlovable’ personality, when it’s not even the one that you fell in love with.

The one you fell in love with was nothing but one of his many masks. And no one could determine whether he would ever take it off in front of you.

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry this one was actually hard to write. It’s a bit all over the place but I hope it was still enjoyable to read! Also I’m not going to do a Part 2 to this fic, but if you want to read something similar to this kind of yandere theme with Niragi, read my other fic called You’re Everything You Once Hated. I’m going to be posting a Part 2 of that one soon.

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blushing-titan · 3 years

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about chapter 138 again, and I came to a few conclusions. First and foremost, I’m surprised at the amount of Mikasa’s fans who are happy about the possibility of the cabin vision being an actual AU. Mikasa has been one of my favorite characters pretty much since the beginning, but I feel like - if the AU is real - it’s a huge step back for her progress and general well-being. Let me explain my point below - warning, it’s pretty long! I’ll be using manga panels (I obviously don’t own them, all credits go to the author!), and there will be spoilers.

My perspective on Eremika

I’m a firm believer that Eren and Mikasa’s relationship is a bit too unhealthy for Mikasa, at least in it’s current state - to me, it’s clear as a day that it’s way too unbalanced. Mikasa just invests more in it - it’s been shown countless times, both in the manga and anime, that Eren’s safety and well-being is her top priority. He’s on her mind most of the times and she constantly wants to be near him - she thinks of him as her safe place and home.

But what about Eren? He’s often irritated and suffocated by her overprotectiveness. He’s quite a proud person who doesn’t want to be constantly saved - despite generally needing it sometimes. In my eyes, it’s another imbalance - Eren wants to be the strong one, but since Mikasa is just naturally better at that, he constantly feels belittled, like it’s a form of rivalry.

On top of that, throught the entire series Eren has his own set of dreams and goals that doesn’t necessarily always revolve around Mikasa - all while Mikasa makes up her plans and goals solely around Eren. She even admits that all she wants is just to be at his side.

What concerns me too, however, is that Mikasa often puts Eren’s safety and well-being over her own - and it’s something that she realizes.

Sometimes, Mikasa’s friends act as a voice of reason, but when someone tries to raise any objections or concerns against Eren, she usually backs him up or tries to rationalize his actions. In the example below, Jean is concerned about the scar that Mikasa got after she got attacked by Eren (right after Eren lost control over his titan in chapter 12).

On top of that, Mikasa can be very passive, and even uncritical when it comes to Eren’s more questionable actions. There are times in which the latter can get a bit too blunt, or even straight up mean, but Mikasa either protects him, tries to justify his actions or is literally immobilized by them - like in the scene in which Eren insults her and proceeds to fight Armin, who’s been trying to back her up. Notice how Mikasa is unable to stop Eren from continuously attacking Armin (when, a reminder, the latter one stood up for her), but immediately jumps in to stop Armin from attacking Eren. You can clearly see that even she is shocked by her reaction.

We can also see her being in denial about Eren’s hurtful actions later on. She doesn’t even want to talk about it when Jean brings it up:

She’s also still concerned and worried about Eren a few chapters later, after he had done and stated that he’s about to do terrible things - even at times when her other friends were endangered. This time, it’s Armin who tries to act as a voice of reason.

Now, before we get ahead of ourselves:

Do I think that Eren doesn’t care about Mikasa, or even hate her (as he said)? No - she’s obviously extremely important to him and he was definitely lying during the table scene. Personally, I’ve never seen him having any romantic feelings towards her, but that doesn’t mean anything - love doesn’t always have to be romantic and I 100% believe that she’s still someone who he holds very dear to his heart. There are many moments that show that he’s also very protective of her, and that - along with Armin - she’s one of the most important people in his life.

But my point still stands - aside from that, the relationship is just too unbalanced to be considered healthy, especially for Mikasa. Both Eren and Mikasa see it in different light, which often cause them to collide. I just can’t help but feel like Mikasa sacrifices too much for it, too - she often ends up jeopardizing her safety, constantly worries about Eren and clashes with her friends because of it. To some extent, Eren may be doing some of these things as well - but let’s be 100% honest, never nearly as much as Mikasa does. He fiercly protects her when she’s in danger and backs her up when he agrees with her, but at the end of the day he has his own goals and opinions. He doesn’t fixate himself with Mikasa nearly as much as Mikasa does it with him - he’s never jealous of anything but her skills, meanwhile she's often on alert when he’s around other girls. In the manga, she’s displaying jealousy over Annie and Historia, in the anime we can add Hanji to that pool, while in A.O.T. Wings of Freedom she’s also jealous of Sasha and even freckled Ymir - all while Eren remains oblivious and - in these situations, rightfully so - annoyed.

We know that there are reasons why Mikasa treats Eren like this. He obviously saved her life when they were children, but it’s also because she was strongly traumatized by losing both her biological family, and then people who took care of her right after that. It’s only natural that she does anything in her power to not go through that again...

...but it’s important to question if the way her relationship with Eren goes - how she commits to it 100% and how it affects her - is really the best way for her to heal and eventually live a happy life. I believe that Eren himself saw that it was becoming too toxic for Mikasa - and, considering that he actually cares for her and knows that he doesn’t have all the time in the world, he focused on making her move on. In my opinion, that’s why he wanted to push her away during the table scene. It’s also why he tried to get rid of the scarf that Louise brought to him. Even if the execution is far from perfect, he still wants what’s best for her, so he tries to put an end to enabling her unhealthy coping practices. He wants her to live a long, happy life.

Soooo...how does “the cabin AU” fit into all of this?

The answer is simple - it doesn’t. It’s a huge mixture and repetition of everything that’s harmful about Mikasa’s obsession with Eren. It’s a confirmation that Mikasa would be able to leave the entire world for 4 years of constant lying to herself. To betray her friends, leave everything behind, act as if everything was going to be okay and, in turn, make it all worse for herself. Because let me remind you one thing - Mikasa will go on living after Eren looses to the titan curse...but what will she do from now on? Will she stay in the cabin forever, alone and with no one to talk to - no one to share the pain after saying her final goodbye to Eren? Will she come back to the war-ridden world and face her old friends - like Armin who must have been frantically looking for her and Eren? Some of these friends may not want to have anything to do with her after all that - some may be already dead. Maybe there’s no place to go at all.

In my opinion, Eren being okay with this would ultimately prove that he doesn’t care about Mikasa’s wellbeing - and, as I’ve said before I just don’t think that’s the case at all. On top of that, as stated in the beginning, it would serve as a regress of Mikasa’s character - she wouldn’t be able to overcome her weaknesses, which would only make her life harder in the long run. Therefore, I simply can’t accept this vision to be an AU. What do I think it was, then?

Mikasa believes in Eren’s good heart, despite all awful things he commits - she repeatedly says that he does it all for them - his friends...and yet she wants to believe that there must have been a way to not let it all happen. A part of her may be blaming herself, which is why she questions if she could have changed anything by giving him a different answer.

To me, it’s very obvious and I have to admit: I was horrified to see the amount of fans saying “If only she hadn’t family-zoned him, so many people would still be alive!”. Mikasa was NEVER to blame here and her answer should never have a force to change something like that. At the end of the day, it was Eren’s decision to go on with the rumbling, and I hate to see Mikasa (and the fans, too!) putting any blame for it on her.

In conclusion, I really believe that the vision was Mikasa’s daydream - most likely created as a coping mechanism since at this point she knew what was about to happen - what she had to do. Not any AU flashback, but rather a poor, traumathised girl trying to come to terms with the cruel reality - and ultimately reclaiming her strength. In her mind, she comes back to her safe place for a few moments, just to get a bit of comfort - a place where she and Eren live peacefully and safely. In fact, the panel below may suggest that she was dreaming about something similar ever since the training days:

I also believe that, at some point, Eren enters that dream - perhaps somehow through paths, or is sent there by Ymir. There, he once again reminds Mikasa that he wants her to live long, be free and forget about him.

I think in the end, Mikasa rejects that fake utopia, finally understanding that it could never happen and it was not her fault. She accepts the reality as it is and stops rationalizing Eren’s actions. She also comes to terms with her feelings towards him, but won’t let it cloud her judgement anymore. She will remember him and cherish these memories forever, but acknowledges that it has gone too far - she chooses humanity, the world and finally: a long, happy life for her. Just like Eren would want for her.

This time, Mikasa wraps the scarf around herself.

If you’re here, wow - thank you so much for reading, it means a lot! I’m sorry for any mistakes I’ve made while writing - English is not my first language and I didn’t really have anyone to beta-read this long wall of text xd Hope I made my points clear - and just to clarify, my text is not an invitation for any ugly Mikasa haters. As I’ve said before, she’s one of my favorite characters and I hope for the best for her - she’s been through so much, poor girl needs a break :C

#anti eremika #mikasa ackerman #eren jeager #snk 138 #snk spoilers #snk 139 #eremika rant #Mikasa shouldn't exist just for toxic shipping ok #snk theory #snk ending #snk leaks #mikasa

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 2 years

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Hi!! I just saw a post of yours concerning Jk and JM on another blog and it was amazing. How do you feel about the constant analysis videos that are made on YouTube to try and figure out their relationship? I will say I know a lot of moments can be highly edited. Which I heard happens a lot with Taekook videos. So I’m sure it also happens with Kookmin as well. While, I am proud to be Army ( International/ US)I do think this fandom may have a bit of a toxic under current. I’m also older so my views and ideas will be different, but it seems like there is a desire to have these different ships ( Jikook, Taekook, Vmin, Yoonmin) “win”. If that makes sense. It’s as if they don’t take into account that these are real people and not a Kdrama that you get to create. At the end of the day I want them happy, however that happiness may look. Thank you for your response!!!

Hi anon! I'm actually glad you sent this ask because it gives me an opportunity to also talk about something that I saw on twitter today and it got me really angry. But I'll leave that for the end of my response. First, let's get into analysis videos.

Every ship has them. There are ships which wouldn't exist if it weren't for analysis videos to bring ''truth'' to the surface, and that is by manipulating footage in order to create a story. And a lot of stories have no basis in reality. It's just shipper fantasies with theories accepted as facts. I have seen videos from all the ships that you mentioned and more. I had to go through them to see what it's all about.

Editing techniques can do wonders, I'm telling you. Editing can create a new meaning. I was taught this in film school, first semester. And it's been done since the beginning of cinema. I'm not getting into details, but the Russians revolutionized it with their montage theory. But I do want to talk just a little bit about the Kuleshov effect because this is what we basically see in analysis videos most of the time. It's about taking shots that have no direct connection to each other and by putting them together, you can create a new meaning. Lev Kuleshov did an experiment when he took independent shots and added them together to see how an audience would interpret them. There was the main shot, that of a man, who had a neutral expression on his face. And then, immediately after, he had a shot of a baby. And he repeated that, by replacing the baby with a bowl of soup and then with an image of a woman sitting on a sofa. The result was that with each different added shot, the meaning behind the man's facial expression changed. He was seen as hungry when there was a shot of the soup bowl or lusting after the woman. You get the gist of it. That's the power of editing. Now, does this Kuleshov experiment remind you of something? It's just like in an analysis video where we see a close-up of a member's face, followed by a shot of another member doing something, and then we have again that close-up and voila, there's a meaning there. That member's facial expression must be in reaction to what he saw. It doesn't matter that the image was manipulated or that context was eliminated or even if his facial expression looked a certain way, it must be influenced by a certain other member. In turn, this leads to us, the viewers of slowly looking at these guys as not real people, with their own thoughts, that have agency, but merely as some characters that the creator of the video has played with and which more often than not, wants us to believe the same thing as well. And we must believe it, right? Because we have the ''evidence'' right there and oh, it makes so much sense. Really?

I have followed what happens online with these analysis videos and they are different, depending on the ship and their occurence is also influenced by the type of ship. If we look at the BTS content that is released, it's obvious how some ships do not require at the present moment any more analysis because there is simply nothing there. A lot of shippers are focusing on making video compilations of certain clips and that is harmless. From what I have seen with Jimin and Jungkook, there is hardly any need for that any kind of analysis. It's pointless. But it still happens and the type of analysis that still goes around has moved to tumblr spaces in the shape of describing in detail whatever they see. It's just boring.

But Taekookers are THE shippers who need their analysis videos. Their ship would fall apart if not. It's always about decoding secret messages that can only be seen if one does some slow motion of the footage. Just today, they used Leslie Cheung's life in order to prove their ship. It's disgusting and appalling. I usually don't mind taekookers and their games because they really are the definition of crazy shippers and it's interesting to observe that behavior as well. But there are limits, but unfortunately, there is no decency left anymore.

I agree with you anon, we should just let these people exist and be happy no matter how that happiness looks like. We don't know them and all we can do is observe it from the side. It's about being respectful towards them and we as fans could have some self-respect as well by not engaging in stupid behavior.

#asks #bts ships #bts analysis videos #jikook #ship discourse

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years

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𝓐𝓾𝓻𝓸𝓻𝓪 𝓐𝓼𝔂𝓵𝓾𝓶: 𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎��𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖, 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚜, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚜. 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘 × 𝙿𝚜𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎)

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟹𝙺

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚂𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚄

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I breathed out an airy and desolate sigh through my nose, obviously I unconsciously did it a little too loud as the raven haired male sitting across from me looked down at the floor.

"It was all my fault.....wasn't it?"

I looked up, the glasses sitting on my nose bridge tilting slightly that I had to push them back up so I could study his features, or should I say, his expressions. His eyelids never blinked once, his eyes were trained on the pattern of the carpet underneath him, but I knew his mind was elsewhere. I looked with pity at the bandages wrapped around his wrists, some of the edges stained with fresh blood. I gulped slightly, my stomach threatening to spill out my meager lunch of an apple and avocado toast slice from earlier. I could handle hearing patients tell and retell me about how they stabbed their parents to death, cut off their significant other's genitals because they were unloyal to them, even tackled a deranged lunatic that once tried to...... seduce me to put mildly.......

But to this day, I can't help but get dizzy when I treat or deal with patients who are self harming victims, because yes, they are victims. Victims of their own self loathing, guilt, and depressive state that isn't their fault. It just pains me so much to see them resort to such drastic measures...

But I'm also not stupid and know some, if not most only do it for attention or to manipulate others, and Yunho is a case not far from it. Which is why I was the one sent to deal with him. All the other psychologists would have fallen for his sad puppy eyes, good looks, well built physique and would have released him too early into the world. Not that he's dangerous and a threat to society, but he's not emotionally nor mentally stable to go deal with daily life yet. And I'm not a softie by any means even if I'm patient and meek doctor when necessary. But I'm objective and I seek deeper into the true person hiding behind the front they put in front of me.

"Do you believe it was your fault Yunho?" Usually one would get scolded for answering a question with a question, but I prefer this method in order to get my patients to reason and draw out their own conclusions......

And makes them pour out their true answers.

I watch Yunho ponder for a moment.

"It has to be- otherwise she wouldn't have...wouldn't have-"

He bites back a choked sob, teeth tightening and gritting against themselves as he fails to contain his tears. His hands cover his face as he begins to cry uncontrollably, desperate and heartwrenching wails resonating throughout the 4 walls keeping us company. Reaching for the purple plaid box on the coffee table between us, I take out a few tissues and stand up from my seat. Lightly tapping on his shoulder, I whisper a 'here' to him. He thanks me, but since he's crying too hard no sound comes out his throat. For the next few minutes, he's blowing out his runny nose, all red just like his eyes from crying too hard. He's sniffling while trying to control his previous hyperventilating session. I want to hug him or at least give him a pat in the back. But I can't, I can only sit back and try to imagine the agony he's probably going through, try to put myself in his shoes as I dive deep into the event that got him here in the first place:

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Coming back from a trip to the store, Yunho momentarily looks around confused when he heard his baby daughter crying. Quickly putting the bags on the kitchen counter, he makes his way over to the nursery that adjoined the main bedroom. Calling out for his wife, he receives no response as he walks down the hallway. He calls once more for her but stops midway as he opens the slightly ajar door. His heart stops beating and his veins run cold as he stares into the lifeless body of his beloved wife hanging in the room, feeling as if the oxygen is being ripped out from his lungs, suffocating slowly.

As if sensing his agitation, his daughter's cries from the other room grow louder, so much that they raise concern from their next door neighbor, a kind and sweet old lady who more than once has offered her help in watching over the child or help them out in any way she could. Typing in the passcode, she makes it there just in time to stop the tall male from inflicting more harm upon himself as he holds onto his wife's body in agony. Having been left with no choice, she immediately calls for an ambulance, who arrive there shortly and take him to a nearby hospital.

He was monitored 24/7 as he had a history of attempted suicide before. The nurses and doctors didn't want another episode to happen again, not wanting to leave a barely 1 year old fatherless as well as motherless. As an investigation went, police found a journal hidden deep between the mattresses on the bed. When they poured over the first pages, they knew there was much more to the story than just a doting husband who couldn't live without his wife, hence why he was relocated to the infamous asylum......

And a specialized woman was tasked to not only unmask the truth, but hopefully help a poor broken mind be put back together again.

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

Hence why I'm here now, the folder I had read over and over again still on my lap. It honestly amazed me that I'd actually get to work on a case like this, and of course I took up the challenge of digging into a mind like Yunho's, not just to help him, but to leave a precedent for any other situations like this that came after.

"A precedent?" I remember the officer asking me.

"Yes. You'd be surprised just how common these types of toxic relationships there are in an everyday basis yet no one ever looks deeper because they're too focused treating a depressed person who's trying to kill themselves and don't focus on what they really are...."

Shutting the folder, I tucked it under my arm before turning on my heel.

"A manipulative individual who'll do anything to keep someone tied to them forever."

That's how I viewed Yunho, it's how I should be viewing him. At least until I could hopefully get him to change.

"How's......is my daughter ok?"

I let out a soft hum and nod as I scribbled something down on the notepad.

"She's fine. We're having someone take care of her in the meantime, don't worry."

Yunho let out a sigh of relief, fingers fidgeting against his thighs as he mustered up the courage to say something.

"Could I.....could I please see her?"

From the sad look in my eyes he could already tell the answer was negative.

"I'm sorry Yunho....I'm afraid until we see some improvement, we can't allow you to be reunited with her just yet."

I tried to keep my voice steady as I said that, bracing myself to possibly see him breakdown once more. He had already lost his wife and now learning that his only child was forced away from him could possibly send him spiraling down into another episode.

But Yunho instead took a deep breath and seemed calm.

"I understand.....it's ok..." I knew he was saying those last two words more to himself than to me.

Lifting his face up, he suddenly shocked me by looking so bright and rather happy.

"So I guess it's best if we begin right?"

Even to this day, I don't know whether I should have been delighted to have such a compliant patient.....

Or terrified.

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"Tell me Yunho, what was your first reaction when you saw your wife?"

A subtle hint of a smile curled at the corners of his lips.

"I thought she was the kindest and most caring person in the world, very pretty too. She just walked in and the room instantly lit up."

He was reminiscing about those times, I could tell. That fond look on his face was unmistakable.

"Do you believe you fell in love at first sight with her?"

His smile suddenly dissipated, eyebrows scrunching together as if recollecting memories from so long ago.

"I think.......I felt attracted to her.....but.....I don't think it was love?"

I could tell he felt conflicted with himself, but that's exactly what I wanted. I want him to question every feeling and sensation he felt at the moment so he could decide for himself if it was real or just a mere illusion he held. If he starts to second guess or question what he felt then he'd start reasoning and come to the conclusion that what he felt was wrong and mistaken. He'd see that his actions weren't justified.

"So when do you truly believe you fell in love with her?"

I stopped writing on my notepad and watched him close his eyes as he tried to pinpoint the exact time he felt whatever he thought was love.

"One night....one of our friends was feeling down in spirits. I witnessed how caring she was towards them...kindly reassuring them that they were loved, that they mattered. I vividly remember her kind eyes and loving smile as she comforted them. Then it hit me that she was that kind of person. Selfless, caring, doting, would sacrifice anything for her friends and family...... it was hard for anyone not to fall in love with her."

He turned his hand over, studying the wedding ring that he still wore to this day, the engravings of their initials being his prime interest.

"And at that moment I knew I had to have her. I couldn't let anyone else have her. I wanted her.... that love, compassion, empathy..her confidence and strong nature, I wanted-"

He stopped mid sentence and his eyes wizened in horror as he came to the realization I had foreseen long ago. He looked up at me, meeting my unwavering eyes that held no emotion at that moment.

"She had all the qualities I had always lacked in."

I took my glasses off and nodded.

"And I unconsciously wanted them for myself.... but the only way I could have them was...through her?" He seemed sickened with himself.

"Not exactly Yunho. You could have learnt to love yourself and raise your self esteem." I quickly scribbled my observation down.

"But I didn't. Instead I caged her up and slowly tore her down."

I couldn't help but let out an involuntary smile as he drew out that conclusion.

"Glad to know you've accepted that fact, even if it took several months for you to understand."

Shutting the notepad, I lifted myself up from my chair, straightening my blouse. Yunho followed suit.

"Is our session over?" He was always so polite, always escorting me out and holding the door open for me, which other doctors would have adamantly refused, too scared to come close to their patients. But not me. I let them have certain liberties at times.

"Not yet Yunho. As you've made remarkable progress, I got permission for you to see someone."

He was momentarily confused for a split second. Poor thing probably thought it was one of the nurses coming in to give him some new medication to take, which he hated with a passion. Stepping outside for a brief moment, I happily took the young baby in my arms, the little girl already used to seeing me as I always went to go see her after being with Yunho for a few hours. When I came back inside he had his back turned to me, once again staring off into nowhere. The light gurgled babbles the baby emitted caught his attention immediately. He whipped his head around so fast I thought he'd break his neck for a second. He teared up as the child began squealing in excitement as she recognized her father right away.

"Oh my-" He choked up with tears that he couldn't finish his sentence.

I calmly walked over to him, lightly bouncing the baby in my arms. Yunho hesitantly reached his hands out.

"Can I..?" He had such a hopeful glint in his eyes.

I didn't answer, I merely held his daughter out to him. As soon as she felt his embrace, she latched onto him as if he was one of the teddy bears she often slept with. Perhaps he was one.

No....he is one.

In my time of spending time with Yunho, I've come to strongly believe he is a sweet and tender individual. And judging by the way the little girl feels safe in his arms, I do believe he is capable of being truly loved.....

If he learns how to properly love not just someone else, but himself too.

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Stepping out of my car, I quickly grab the small pink bag on the passenger seat before locking it. Treading through the small patch of green grass, I ring the doorbell and wait for one of the occupants to open up for me. No surprise, I'm greeted by the same raven haired male I met nearly 3 years ago. He looks delighted to see me.

"Y/N. Hi!"

I wave at him, a small but genuine smile on my features.

"Hi Yunho. Did I come at a bad time?" I notice the apron covered in flour and leftover egg on it.

"Oh no not at all. Please come in."

Moving aside to let me pass, my nose catches the scent of baked goods filling the air. I can distinctly recognize the hints of lavender and french vanilla, an odd but surprisingly tasty combination. I spot out of the corner of my eye a little head peeking out from the kitchen, curious to know who had come to pay them a visit. Letting out a squeal, she quickly ran over to attach herself on my leg.

"Y/N!"

I chuckled and lightly run my fingers through her hair which was longer than the last time I saw it.

"Hi Jina, I see you've been baking something." We both chuckle as I scraped off some cake batter that had gotten on the tip of her button nose.

"Me and dad are making cupcakes for my friend's birthday party tomorrow." She explained.

"Wow that's a really nice gesture. I bet they'll turn out delicious."

Remembering that I was short on time and that I had one last task to carry out, I pull out the bag I had hidden behind my back and hand it to her.

"It's for you."

Her eyes began to sparkle so much they could rival all the stars in the galaxy. After thanking me like 20 thousand times, she plopped her tiny body on the couch to tear into the contents inside it. I shake my head before taking out a small paper from inside my trench coat.

"And this is for you."

Taking the slip from my fingers, Yunho opens it up and scans what it says. He seems confused for a moment, not fully understanding what it means. He looks to me once more, probably for the last time, asking for an explanation.

"It's your official release from the institution. No more drop in visits, no more eyes on you 24/7, and soon you won't have to continue with the prescribed medication, although when that happens they will send someone once in a while to check up and make sure you're ok without them."

Yunho nods but it is a rather sad and pained nod.

"So this means you won't be seeing us any longer?"

I inhale deeply and nod.

"This was a temporary thing until you got better Yunho. After all....I was only the doctor assigned to you."

It hurt me to say that as much as it probably hurt him, as much as it'd hurt Jina to know I wouldn't be coming back anymore.

"Can't we at least be friends?"

I hated seeing those puppy eyes of him practically beg me, signature trait he passed on to his daughter.

"That would be completely unprofessional of my part Yunho. I deeply cherish and treasure all the time we spent together and I'm beyond happy and satisfied that you've come so far since the start of our journey..."

I sighed deeply.

"But every journey has an end." He finished my sentence.

Extending his hand out to me, I took it and gave it a firm shake.

"I'm really going to miss you." He admitted.

"Me too. Me too."

Going over to the momentarily forgotten 4 year old, she let out an 'oof' when she suddenly found herself cooped up in my embrace.

"Take care of yourself and of your dad ok?"

I kissed the top of her head, her grinning face not registering that this might be the last time she ever saw me. Yunho walked me out the door and even escorted me all the way to my car. Always the gentleman, he held the door open for me. Before I could even get one foot inside, I felt a large hand grip my wrist. Turning to him, I was flustered when he suddenly pulled me close to him.

"Please don't leave. I need you....I..."

He looked conflicted with himself as he tried to finish his words. Taking a deep breath, he confessed:

"I love you."

My heart sank. He said the 3 words I hoped he'd never direct at me. Mainly because I was scared as he was. Don't get me wrong, Yunho is a wonderful man, and he truly deserves to be loved....

But am I certain that he has finally learned to love? Or is it because he feels he needs me?........

Only one way to find out.

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