Have you seen the tiktok going around that's a guy talking to his kids like "The more you sass me, the more I'm gonna flirt with your mother!" That but it's Bruce threatening to leave his comms on deliberately when he's around Selina if the baby bats don't start behaving themselves on patrol.
Bruce: The more you sass me, the more I'm gonna flirt with your parents.
Dick: Jokes on you, I'm an orphan.
Bruce: Alright then.
Bruce: *flirts with Commissioner Gordon*
Bruce: *flirts with Barry*
Bruce: *goes to space*
Bruce: *flirts with Luand'r*
Dick: STOP THOSE ARE MY IN-LAWS!
———————
Cass: *blinks*
Bruce: That's it. I've had it with your attitude.
Bruce: *goes out with Lady Shiva*
———————
Bruce: *walks in with a bouquet of flowers*
Luke: Uh... what's all this for?
Bruce: Remember the other week when you called my prototype strobe light batarang stupid?
Luke: ...Because it is?
Bruce: Well, guess what?
Bruce: *gives the flowers to Lucius*
———————
Jason: And what if I don't? What are you gonna do, let me die again?
Bruce: No.
Bruce: *opens Grindr*
Jason: You wouldn't.
Bruce: Oh yes I would.
Bruce: *slides into Ollie's DMs*
———————
Tim: It's a good thing I never introduced you to Bernard's family.
Bruce: I could always look them up in the phone book.
Tim: What year are you living in?
Bruce: I'm just kidding. I'll be back in an hour. Hold down the fort for me, m'kay buddy?
Tim: Yeah, sure.
[an hour later]
Bruce: *walks in holding hands with Lex Luthor and Max Mercury*
Tim: What the...?
Bruce: I still know your best friends' parents.
Lex: This is what you handcuffed me for?
Bruce: Shush, I'm making a point.
———————
Bruce: We go in on my signal.
Steph: This is my dad we're talking about. I'm not gonna sit around and risk him getting away.
Steph: *swings onto the scene*
Bruce: *follows her*
Steph: Stop right there, Cluemaster—BATMAN WHAT THE FUCK?!?
Bruce: *sweeps Arthur off his feet*
———————
Bruce: *lecturing Damian*
Damian: Tt.
Bruce: One second.
Bruce: *pulls out his phone*
Bruce: Hey Talia, I was wondering if you had dinner plans tonight?....Yes, Damian is misbehaving again.....7:30? Perfect!
———————
Duke: You've never met my friends' or girlfriend's parents and Jokerized people can't consent, so...
Bruce: *turns on the computer*
Bruce: *emails the immortal entity Gnomon*
Bruce: *gets a reply*
Bruce: Alfred, fetch my tux.
———————
The voice in Bruce's head: *says mean things*
Bruce: Oh yeah? Well how do you like THIS?
Bruce: *proposes to Selina*
———————
Holly: *flips him off*
Bruce: *proposes to Selina*
Selina: Again? That's the second time today.
———————
Julia: You're nothing a bloody angst-addled egotistical baby twat!
Bruce: *looks at her*
Bruce: *looks at Alfred*
Bruce: This isn't gonna work.
1K notes
·
View notes
Just realized that the fact that ASS remembers David Crockett was his boyfriend means that he remembers things of his past lives… like before the 100 years arc he’s lived between 1921-2021… does that mean he remembers that he lived more than one life? Does he remember when he reborn?? DOES HE REMEMBER HIS CHILDHOOD(S)???
370 notes
·
View notes
Arthur, writing in his journal: I'm an evil man, a loner, feared and despised by all those around me.
John: Hey, brother!
Charles: Wanna go hunting together?
Hosea: Morning, son!
Sean: Can I get a hug, Arthur?
Mary-Beth: Thanks for bringing me those flowers!
Pearson: Made you some fresh stew with that buck you brought me, really appreciate it.
Tilly: You're the best big brother.
Jack: I love you, Uncle Arthur!
Arthur: They all hate me.
837 notes
·
View notes
I normally don't like Tennyson's narrative around the female characters due to his framing of them being the source of all the faults in Camelot.
But there's a part of this story that often catches my attention and its Guinevere's rejection of Arthur:
Like, I can't help but dig idea that Guinevere rejects Arthur because of his virtue. As if his holy character actively irritates her.
If I was writing, I would take it further and outright imply Guinevere is some kind of demonic being. If Tennyson can get away with turning Arthur into a mysterious, divine entity that Merlin found instead of being born of Uther's misdeeds, then I don't see why I can't apply that to Gwen.
Welsh Myth already provides the idea of Guinevere as a Fae/Giantess so I would just present her as a "Reverse Persephone" -
Guinevere is actually a mysterious girl who came up from the "Kingdom beneath the Earth", "a daughter of a Colossus of Old" and is reared as ward of one of Arthur's vassals. Arthur, being taken by her beauty, took her as his wife.
"And so, the Worthiest and Most Righteous King on Earth married a she-devil, the fairest of all her race, and made her his Queen."
The reason she finds Arthur repulsive is because she's a "primal spirit" who was born deep underground and can't stand the presence of someone so "Heavenly", so divorced from "the touch of the Earth". Camelot falls into "sinfulness" because Guinevere is in fact a physical avatar of all Materialism and Worldly Values, both good and bad.
And instead of Guinevere repenting of her actions, I would just take a cue from E.A. Robinson and have Gwen reject Arthur to the very end:
And if Arthur and Guinevere ever meet again, Guinevere could go as far as threaten to eat Arthur - "as is the habit of my kind, says the Queen" - especially if Arthur starts posturing about his (Victorian) morals and being chaste for her.
If there was a way to present Guinevere as a proper Anti-heroine or compelling villainess without the usual sexism/misogyny, this is how I would do it.
She's not so much an actively evil force as she is simply incompatible with the "Blameless" Arthur and indeed, the marriage's eventual failure was inevitable.
But for a time, while the marriage endured, Camelot was the place where the Spiritual and Material meet as fellows and prosperity ensued.
46 notes
·
View notes