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#also ngl i can get very emotional too but .... i try to keep it at bay and in general force myself to take all side into consideration

normalbrothers · 8 months

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i know fandom "discourse" always had the tendency to become vitriolic very quickly, because everyone is emotionally involved and of the mindset their their little boy/girl is more special than yours, etc. but the Twitter Mindset of replying with the wittiest clapback really has eroded the last shreds of a general capacity to apply nuance when nuance is required or whatever, it's very annoying

#still thinking about that funny reply to one of amy's posts #that could have just been a polite and genuine 'i don't agree with this and here is why'#but instead added some weird unrelated argument that had nothing to do with the point at all #making it clear that this was just weird shipper agenda lol #also ngl i can get very emotional too but .... i try to keep it at bay and in general force myself to take all side into consideration #there's things i disagree fundamentally with but eh.

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punksocks · 11 months

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Astrology observations No.16: Lilith Edition

*just based on my experiences please take them with a grain of salt

**the taming your Lilith femininity post can be found here fyi ;0

-The element of your Lilith could point to what people find so scandalous about you. Air: your otherworldly air and intelligence; Water: your sensuality and emotional expression; Earth: Your strength and grounded nature; Fire: Your fierce energy and how you’re too hot to handle

-if Lilith has aspects to your Venus (especially conjunct/opposition/square) you may have guys say they don’t usually date girls like you/of your cultural background (twice as likely if your Venus or Lilith is in Sagittarius) (also that gives me the ick instantly ngl)

-Lilith conjunct/opposition/square 1st/7th/8th/10th could point to being hit on in the weirdest ways ever. (Guys have yelled at me from car windows, or been in my dms for actual years, at a convention a guy was pushing a stroller and said there goes my wife so loudly and so close to my face I didn’t even catch it until a moment after. I mean the other day a dude called my hair pretty then asked if it was heavy- like huh?? Dudes are weird)

-Lilith aspects to mars (especially conjunct/opposition/square) could point to people shaming you for expressing frustration/anger, especially in your youth

-I’ve had soooo many dudes short circuit on me with our Lilith synastry omg. I have stories lol. A lot of guys being into me and running off then coming back (they don’t get to come back in tho! Gross) I’ve felt it the most with Lilith conjunct sun synastry, underdeveloped guys have been competitive and obsessive. Like belittling in an envious way but also trying to make me feel smaller to always keep me around because they were too into my energy (it didn’t work). It can work out with a partner that is self aware and respectful and turn into the sun person showing you a side of themselves that they don’t show anyone else. It just takes a minutes to weed it out lol.

-I would imagine that Lilith conjunct/opposition/square Moon and Venus would be even more of a whirlwind. Lilith would be bringing out the Moon native’s hidden emotions and taboo emotional motivations (it’s giving the guy in Hustlers that came in to guilt his girlfriend into coming home for the night from her job at the strip club, but like that manipulative and petty all the time). And Lilith would bring out hidden and taboo desires in the Venus native (secret girlfriend, can’t meet their friends or family just “because it’s not the right time”- but it’s never the right time, you thought you were dating but it turns out you were the other woman, etc)

-Also Lilith conjunct/opposition/square someone else’s ascendant is very likely to make the other person act jealous and petty towards you

-Lilith in 12th could point to being a lot of people’s secret fantasies, hidden people that deeply desire you or envy you

-A lot of prominent Lilith placements are prone to fertility issues but I’d assume this is even more likely for Lilith in 6th

-Lilith in 7th could date partners that try to change them as soon as they get into a relationship with them (censor how you dress, dictate your hair cut, just really get terribly controlling because they assume your “theirs”) (I’ve also experienced this with Lilith in 10th, and I would guess the same for Lilith in 1st/aspects to 1st or 10th or 7th)

-Lilith in 8th could point to s*xual trauma and at the very least going through many transformations before coming into your own sexuality

-Lilith in 9th could point to blossoming into yourself abroad or in a country outside of your origin. It can also point to receiving a lot of s*xual attention outside of your cultural group.

-Lilith in 1st/10th/11th could point to difficulty and backstabbing in female friendships. In 6th & 10th this could carry over to workplaces. In 7th this points to being the other woman in relationships or women coming onto your partner

-Lilith in 3rd could point to having trouble in school, not only socially but with authority figures believing your intelligence (and the believing your intelligence part definitely carries over into adulthood)

-Lilith in 4th often points to a terribly frustrating childhood where you were constantly critiqued by female members of your family, especially your mother. You could’ve felt like your mother/aunts/etc were always trying to compete with you for male attention as well (which is weird, weird grown folks). (it’s not great for Lilith in 1st/8th/10th either but this is on another level)

-Lilith in 10th (square/opposition to 10th as well) can point to being treated like a pariah for no reason at work. I’ve found that when I tried to be friendly I got a lot of kindness outside of my department …but still thrown under the bus with a smile in my department. Then I kept my distance at a later day job and was met with hostile or belittling energy. (This one guy would just constantly walk by and look at my laptop and ask what I was working on when he wasn’t my manager and my manager hadn’t assigned me anything, then he would just chat me up for no reason, always switching between hostile and like almost flirtatious energy. like dude worked on the other side of the office and kept doing this until he left ! Never working in an office again I swear…)

-Also Lilith in 1st/10th- often men in power/positions off authority often dote on you for some reason, especially if they’re older (I still can’t figure why this is though)

-Lilith negative (conjunct/square/opposition) aspects to 1st/10th In “normal” (suburban neighborhoods and pedestrian places like that) you may find that you get this weird thirsty look from guys, who are supposed to be minding their business with their families, like you’re walking around naked when you could be wearing the most lowkey outfit and it wouldn’t make a difference (it’s also why I prefer cities, but even then in some neighborhoods I stick out)

-Your Lilith sign itself always indicates the Lilith behavior you have to learn to “tame” (ex. leo in Lilith has to make sure they’re not too much of a diva), but I also believe it shows you how you need to fight for others (ex. leo in Lilith- use your radiant nature to speak out on the taboo and spotlight helping social causes)- I can do a post elaborating on this if you guys want ;0

-Self awareness is really important with strong Lilith energy. I’ve had overlays with other women/femmes with strong Lilith placements and so many times I’ve had them become mean girls and envious to me even though they’d constantly tell me about their Lilith-esque experiences with other femmes bullying them in similar ways.

#astro observations #astro notes #astroblr #astro community #lilith astrology #lilith aspects #lilith square ascendant #astrology #astroloji

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cherrygenshin · 1 year

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Obey Me! Rut HC's - pt.2

Warnings: NSFW, SMUT. Minors DNI. Again, no special warnings, just breeding.

GN reader.

Satan

His rut is average, lasting up to a week.

He's not too big on nest building, he finds it gets too stuffy in his room with too many items in it (let's be real, it's really cause it won't fit due to all his damn books)

Actually remains kinda the same? Just touchier?

Won't let you leave his room once you enter, if you do leave he won't let you back in, no matter how desperate he gets.

Snaps VERY quickly, but will try his best to keep his cool around you. He's just so worked up, he can't handle the pressure.

In post nut clarity he will be very smoochy to you, thanking you for putting up with him and giving you the best food he can find.

He's not great at regulating his emotions at the best of times, but now instead of 'ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY' his mind is full of 'BREED BREED BREED'.

Enjoys bending you over so he can pound in to you and groan lewdly in your ear.

PLEASE scratch him up, your marks on him means he's fucking you just right, he wants to see them.

Asmodeous

Longest rut out of everyone, tbh he kinda always wants to breed and be bred so it's not that different for him.

He will seek you out the moment he feels it coming. He normally has demons lining up around the block for a chance with him, but he'll choose you over anyone else. Of course, if you're down to enjoy his rut with more people, then he's down for that too.

Prefers being bred over breeding, I HC that he's got both a juicy cunt AND a nice dick. He uses both, but definitely prefers getting his pussy filled.

You think Levi was loud? Try Asmo. He LOVES the sound of his voice, and he knows you love it too. He will moan the house down.

He's ridiculously sensitive and very bratty, will try and push you further in to him/push himself further in to you, he's very needy.

Unlike his brothers, he's actually not very clingy during his rut, and enjoys his personal space, like taking nice long baths before the next wave of horniness overcomes him.

Overall he's very casual about the whole thing. You wanna breed him? Okay. You want him to breed you? Easy done. As long as someone gets to enjoy him, he's happy.

Beelzebub

Another vote for average rut length, lasts about a week.

Enjoys making a lil nest for you and him to spend the week in, takes pride in his nest building abilities.

OKAY so, Beel wants a family. Idc what anyone says, he's a family man through and through.

Being that he wants a family, his rut hits him very hard. His desire to breed completely overwhelms him, he becomes the most animalistic out of all his brothers.

Also, BIG DICK = LOTS OF CUM

He will FOLD you like a deck chair, just to shove his cock as far into you as he possibly can.

Grunts and groans, will also grip you tight enough to leave bruises, he just loves u so much he wants to be as close to you as possible

"Gonna cum in you darling", "gonna make you a parent", "Fuck- you're gonna be so hot carrying my child."

Will literally carry you to impale u on his dick if you get too tired, he is not stopping until you're pregnant.

Belphegor

Lucky ass bitch has the shortest rut, lasting only two or so days.

Probably will sleep through it ngl wet dream city

If he happens to be awake, he won't ask for help directly, he'll just expect it.

He kinda already has a nest in the attic, won't really add much more to it. He'd rather preserve energy to be able to fuck you properly.

Another for 'I don't really want kids but damn nutting in u is kinda nice'

Gets more whiny during his rut, when he's close he'll let out the most angelic soft moans and whines you've ever heard.

Although he isn't super energetic on the best of days, being in his rut really saps all his energy. He's got a cycle of fuck, sleep, fuck, sleep.

Unfortunately you will have to feed him as he really does put his all in to fucking you, he doesn't even have the energy to feed himself afterwards.

Big on show, don't tell. He won't tell you how much he loves you (he's getting better at expressing his emotions, but he's getting better!) But the way he holds you close as he sleeps says more than words ever will.

#obey me #obey me smut #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me nightbringer #obey me satan #satan smut #obey me asmodeus #asmodeus smut #obey me beel smut #beelzebub smut #belphegor avatar of sloth #belphegor smut

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twstjam · 1 year

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First Years Shenanigans at a Malleyuu Wedding

As much as I have Malleyuu Thoughts I'm also constantly thinking about First Years Gang so there's frequent overlap between the two, so have some Typical Wedding Goes Wrong Trope thoughts I had featuring the beloved First Years and many shenanigans.

Malleyuu wedding centered around the First Years making sure the wedding is going to go smoothly. So much shit is going wrong and they're trying desperately to fix them all without Malleus or Yuu finding out.

Sebek is freaking out the whole time, Ace and Deuce are mixing up each other's jobs, Jack is the only sane one, and Epel who is helping Yuu get ready is trying his best to focus on distracting them instead of running out there (he's still a tough farm boy through and through but a lot of things have gotta stuck after all those years at Pomefiore and under Vil's tutelage). Ortho is the only one who is even marginally helpful (as long as his gear somehow doesn't break that is)

I've got this image of Malleus summoning Sebek in the middle of all the chaos to have a bit of a heart-to-heart with him, thanking him for his years of service and friendship with Yuu, but meanwhile, Sebek is trying desperately to keep his composure because the entire time Malleus is speaking all kinds of nonsense and shenanigans is happening behind him.

I can also see Epel working with the other hairdressers, makeup artists, etc. (Maybe Crewel is there too because heck yeah father figure!Crewel helping Yuu get dressed for their wedding) on Yuu and Ace suddenly smacking into the window.

Yuu: Did you hear something? Epel: *making sure Yuu doesn't turn around and see Ortho trying to unstick Ace from the window* Prob'ly just the wind.

There's also a subplot going on that makes keeping everything a secret exponentially harder where Malleus keeps trying to run off to go see Yuu because his Dragon Clinginess is acting up and Lilia if he's still alive along with Silver and other servants are doing their best to keep him in his room and also make sure he gets ready in time for the wedding (and also bcs of the bad luck abt seeing each other before the wedding thing)

Sort of like the Tangled wedding short, by the time all the problems are solved Yuu and Malleus look at their friends and are shocked by their various disheveled states.

I also think it'd be funny if Maleficia is also there and she's completely Aware of all the nonsense going on and is mildly amused by it. Though she's not exactly working together with the boys she's calmly helping them fix certain things with a wave of her hand behind her back and also helping distract Malleus.

None of them knew she was in on it until the end of the actual wedding where she casually mentions to the newlyweds about the "issues" with the preparations and the two of them exchange confused looks while Yuu's friends freeze and break out into a sweat.

Ngl I kind of forgot about Grim agshdgdj. I imagine that he's getting ready WITH Yuu, getting his coat all groomed and stuff, but it takes less time and he walks in on the others and the messes they're trying to fix and he's like "MYAH!! If Yuu and Tusnotarou find out about this they're gonna FREAK!!" "We KNOW! Instead of standing there and complaining why don't you help us out instead?!" (-Ace, probably)

Helps distract Malleus and Yuu by clinging to them, making demands, lying about things like his outfit feeling uncomfortable or his coat needing a better brushing. I've got this image of Ace picking him up and rubbing him all over the betrotheds' wedding outfits to get cat hair all over them.

Grim: UNHAND ME!!! Sebek: TRAPPOLA?! Wh-What are you doing?! Ace: Trust me, this is gonna buy us tons of time!

In the end, the wedding goes smoothly. Sebek cries ofc, so does Deuce, Jack denies getting emotional, Epel too but less insistently, Ortho is being all sweet and soft and mushy about it, and Ace is making fun of them all but very lightheartedly :)

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lunargrapejuice · 2 months

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Hiya Luna, I hope you’re doing well 🥰! I saw your requests were open and decided to send one in, I hope thats alright! If I may, may I ask for Sephiroth and the prompt “It’s weird. I never thought I could feel like this, but you showed up. Now, it’s like I don’t wanna go on knowing I might lose the feeling.” please? Ngl I was going to ask for Cloud or Zack because they’re my faves, but I got too nervous 🙈!

Thank you so much and I hope you have a lovely weekend 🥰!

lyra!!! it is more than alright! i am so so happy that you did🥰🩷 and PLEASE LOVELY YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY ASK FOR ZACK OR CLOUD!! - I'D LOVE TO TRY WRITING SOMETHING FOR THEM💕 thank you so much for submitting this one🥺 - i'm down bad bad this also got longer than i planned whoops 🤭

🌙 prompt event

“it’s weird. i never thought i could feel like this, but you showed up. now, it’s like i don’t wanna go on knowing i might lose the feeling.” | sephiroth x reader with no pronouns used

it’s safe to admit to himself that love is very unfamiliar.

growing up sephiroth was taught that such feelings make you weak, softens the heart that should be hardened and cold and calculating. over time he had learned for himself how not necessarily true that was. maybe it wasn’t love, at least not in the capacity in which he feels it now, but he’s cared for comrades and friends even when others might argue it made him weak. but what’s before him now, and slipping through his fingers each day that passes, is something he has never experienced.

something he never saw coming and hasn’t known what to do with but also doesn’t know what to do without.

and he was going without considering you were actively avoiding him and hadn't spoken a word to him in what felt like weeks. even in meetings you were forced to attend together, you always left swiftly and without another glance his way, finding one reason or another to deny him a moment of your time and when he almost caught you alone in the hallway, your eyes meeting for but a moment, you were gone as quickly as he had blinked.

he has been wrecking his brain on what he had done wrong that would make you avoid him, his mind wandering to the chest aching distance between you every chance it got. he had almost lost to angeal in training two days because of it and nearly again to genesis today before his friend looked knowingly into his eyes and recited loveless; ‘the wandering soul knows no rest’

the words echo in his mind, in genesis’ voice no less, when he spots you in the distance. restlessness doesn’t quite begin to describe what your absence was doing to him. it was an uncomfortableness he had never felt before. one he had to do something about because every day it grows worse and if it stays like this he fears you’ll be torn from him entirely.

it already feels like you are. he looks as collected as he always does but inside his heart stirs and he knows he cannot let this go any longer.

you swear you saw him down the hall in your side view. he was impossible to miss for so many reasons but the most prominent of them all being your eyes were always evidently drawn to him, just like your heart had been and you cursed them both when they made you stall in your sprint to run away and avoid him right now.

it’s not as though it’s what you wanted but it is what you felt was best when you could feel yourself not being able to hold back your emotions. he couldn’t know, even though you’re sure it was written all over your face everytime you stole a glance but stolen looks weren’t the same as saying the words i love you and being rejected by someone you couldn’t bear to lose.

so you started your plan of avoiding him until those feelings disappeared. except the distance had not made them go anywhere, leaving them to simmer uncomfortably in your chest like they might burn you. when you saw his lips fall each time you made an excuse to get out of his vicinity, you felt nauseous for upsetting him. it wouldn’t be forever, you keep telling yourself but you don’t know how true that actually is. you cannot picture a life without these feelings; without the way his smile makes your insides buzz with warm incomparable to the sun, with how safe and cared for you feel in his proximity and how utterly gentle shinras strongest soldier is whenever he touches you.

you turn around to make your escape just in case your peripheral vision is not playing tricks on you but before you can make it two steps, you’re staring at his half hidden chest, hardened leather around soft skin your hand aches to touch. so it’s like that, using his actual speed to not let you get away. perhaps you had made him more upset than you initially thought..

“sephiroth!” you smile up at him and it nearly reaches your eyes if it weren’t for the shake of your voice that accompanies your eagerly beating heart.

“you’ve been avoiding me.” it’s not a question but a very obvious observation that fills you with guilt, though he hadn’t said it in an accusing tone.

your smile falls and you swallow the lump building in your throat, unable to meet his eyes but you don’t try to deny it. “.. i’m sorry. i just..” you can’t find any words that aren’t just the truth.

taking a step back, to run or just put a little more distance between you and find your strength to push back the emotions, you really aren’t sure for which but within an instant his hands are on your face, cupping your jaw like you’re made of glass but in a steady hold that told you he didn’t want to let go, bringing your gaze up to his. you could pull away if you really wanted, you knew he’d let go without you having to ask but you don’t do anything of the sort.

thin slitted pupils stare back at you, swirling in a sea of blue and green and glowing with mako and your brain screams for you to bite your tongue while your heart urges the words forward but he looks at you like he’s going to say something, staring at you with an expression you can’t decipher nor look away from while he pauses.

he says your name, breaking the silence between you, and you hope he can’t feel the heat of your cheeks and neck with the way your body reacts to the way he says it. then he chuckles a bit breathlessly, like it’s helping him let go of something that was holding him back before.

“i cannot stand being away from you. it’s weird..” he says, his thumbs brush along your cheeks and you swear the world around you stops, like the goddess is leaving this moment only for the two of you. “i never thought i could feel like this,” he smiles fondly and you feel your eyes soften in time with his, your hearts beating with sync. “like i have something to care for. someone i can be my true self with. but you showed up and now, it’s like i don’t want to go on knowing i might lose the feeling.”

your heart is somehow tearing and mending itself back together at his words and you finally let yourself touch him in return, feeling the wetness of your tears dripping from your lashes before you realize you’re crying.

his expression falls to worry as he wipes every tear that falls but all you can do is smile and shake your head, closing the distance between you and letting your worries crash to the ground as you reply to him in earnest.

♡♡♡♡♡

main masterlist

#final fantasy vii #sephiroth #sephiroth x reader #final fantasy vii x reader #final fantasy x reader #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #ff7 x reader

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heyidkyay · 21 days

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty-Four

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors note: I’m here:) finally. It’s been a while, idk how long, not that long but long enough i guess, sorry for the wait! This one is wordy but also has a lot going on, so hope you enjoy!

Ngl, this can probably be read as a standalone if anyone’s seeing this and not started the series, it’s just a bit angsty and mostly smut? But unsure, I said probably! X

Warnings: Arguing, usual Matty and Mouse thinking (feels like it needs its own warning at this point, they’re saddos), smut, unprotected sex, EMOTIONS (because yeah)

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

There was something raw in the bitterness that was love. Like the sour skin of an apple that was first thought to be sweet. Love was deceiving in itself really, but it was never alone. It brought life and light. It wrought anger. It stirred both jealousy and pity. It gave and gave, until all you were left with was that tart tang aftertaste.

Some people revelled in it.

Others, withered away.

Years before, perhaps maybe not even that long ago now, Matty would have belonged to the former. He had enjoyed the strings he found that could tie him to people, sex and money had given him the ability to do it, to keep them there, to pull them alongside him. And he’d indulged in it all, beyond what most would consider extortionate.

And still, even after everything, when the fun had ended and the games had been discarded, and he’d just been tossed off somewhere to the side… Alone once more. He had continued on. On and on and on, until he ultimately had lost himself completely.

The last few months had shifted something in him though.

And now here he was, still angry and bitter and resentful. But full of actual love. The raw type. The kind that left you marvelling at the most stupid things— insipid little concepts that held no actual value or any real detail worth getting all starry-eyed over.

It had wormed its way into the hollow shell that was his heart and rebuilt some part of him that he believed he had long since destroyed.

He wanted to scoff at the very thought. The very idea that an emotion could be felt so strongly that it differed the world around you; that, singularly, it could change you. The notion was far too complex, too out there to even begin to fathom, but then again, Matty supposed that emotions were exactly that. Complex.

It sent his mind reeling. Had his entire body aching with a fever to expel the feeling completely, if only so that he could think freely again, so it wouldn’t hurt to merely breathe anymore.

You should have told me.

He knew that. He had admitted as much.

And yet, he still hadn’t told her.

He’d lied.

Why didn’t you tell me?

And that was the question, wasn’t it? Why hadn’t he just told her?

Fear, he guessed.

Yet another morbid emotion in which Matty had always been so wary of. Another lost feeling he thought he’d swallowed whole and hidden somewhere deep down. Because there was no fear in a drug induced haze. When you were off partying or chasing some other euphoric high. What the fuck was there to be fearful of? When the chilling buzz which shook you to your very core blanketed over everything else.

When there was always that silence.

That numb quiet he had chased and craved and cherished.

Though, he supposed, it was nothing compared to the fear of losing this.

Of losing her.

Still, Matty could not for the life of him find it in himself to tell her exactly that. Those words lost on him, lodged in the column of his throat and etching themselves a home there.

“Where do we go from here?”

He blinked at the sound of his own voice, looking up at her shadowed expression and at how tired she then seemed. How different she now looked compared to the moment they’d first met.

She’d been something of a presence even then. Always effortlessly complex. With her soft smile and guarded eyes. Eyes he’d gone and fucking wondered about for hours on end.

Those eyes which were now caught on the far wall stood opposite, the one lined with coloured photo frames and that odd little doodle Teddy had gotten in trouble for only a couple of weeks prior.

The realisation made Matty mourn the few days they’d spent apart.

After a long moment, she finally shrugged at him and he found himself swallowing tightly at the movement. Startled by her seeming lack of care.

“I don’t want to lose you, Squeaks.”

It was honest. As honest as he could be.

She huffed an amused breath in return though, “Not like you’re short on company, Matty.”

He felt his gaze snap up to meet hers then, head shifting with it.

“What’s that even meant to mean?” He asked her, frowning now, at the way she had crossed her arms over her chest and how her shoulders had hunched on their own accord whilst she casually moved to glance out the window. Matty forced himself up onto his feet, hating the fact she had turned away from him.

“I saw everything, Matty.” Mouse replied tiredly, as though she was fed up, fed up with this, with them. “I saw the articles.”

Matty’s stomach bottomed out at her words, he stepped towards her. “Nothing happened.” He murmured, taking another step closer. “Nothing fucking happened, Squeaks. I swear it.”

She tensed but didn’t quite flinch at his sudden approach, so he kept a little distance between them, even as desperate as he was to hold her. To shake her enough so that she would see sense, that she’d realise how stupid he would have had to have been to have gone near anyone else. That girl was no one, she’d meant nothing.

“You can swear that, can you?” She mocked him, one corner of her mouth toying with a merciless smile that didn’t quite suit her. “You were gone, Matty. Fucking out of it. That much was clear to see just from the photos alone.”

Matty stared at her helplessly.

She shook her head.

“I’d had a couple drinks. That isn’t a crime!” He stressed, automatically falling onto the defensive, “Didn’t mean I was stupid enough to get with the first person I fucking saw! That girl- she was off her head too. Had mates with her even! But she was just trying to help me, Mouse. That’s all it was.”

She was shaking her head again now, tongue catching on her incisor; a dead giveaway to how stressed she was, how anxious she was getting. Matty only wished to shoulder it all, that defensiveness of his faltering slightly at the sight of her trying to hide it all. To stay strong. How fucking long had she had to do that?

“I feel like such a fool, Matty.” She finally spoke, her voice trembling with the onslaught of tears that glazed her eyes but she didn’t dare let fall. “A fucking fool. ‘Cause I’d thought that things were okay, that we were okay. That I could finally relax and let you in. But then-“ She paused, a sad huff leaving her, “Then you went and dropped this mess in my lap and somehow expected me to just deal with it. To tell you it’s all fine. That we could make it right.”

Mouse turned then, ever so slowly, looking about as defeated as Matty had ever seen her. He felt his chest burn with the last breath he hadn’t remembered taking let alone hold onto, too afraid to look away, to even move.

“But you embarrassed me. You’ve made the whole world believe I am that fool. That I was as naive as they’d first made me out to be. As my friends thought me to be.”

Her smile was shattered and broken, her voice wet and hoarse, but she continued on even as her hands fell limply to her sides and she took a single step closer.

“And to make things worse, you didn’t just hurt me, Matty. You hurt Teddy too.”

–

Hit them where it hurts.

That was the saying, wasn’t it?

But it only left me feeling all the more sour- gutless. As well as a little stupid, I supposed, wondering if Matty even cared for Teddy at all, or how he had felt the last couple days.

Though I shouldn’t have second guessed it, not when the way Matty’s face immediately paled and then fell proved me wrong.

Deep down, I knew that he cared. In his own odd way he had always cared. But to know it and to see it were two entirely different things.

And although it was true, that Matty had in fact hurt Teddy. It still felt like a shitty thing to say to him then. But he’d hurt me as well, hadn’t he. And even though I’d been hurting most of my life, Matty being the reason for all that hurt pained me in a way I couldn’t even comprehend.

“I didn’t-”

I scoffed at his attempted reply, but my heart wasn’t in it, breaking all over again. I wondered how long we could drag this out. If we even would.

“Mean to?” I finished for him, shaking my head stupidly. “I know you didn’t mean to, Matty. Doesn’t change the fact that you still did it.”

His eyes slipped closed just as his lips fell apart, and when he opened them again I was stuck staring into his devastated gaze.

“If I could take it all back, I would.” He breathed, “I promise you I would.”

I swallowed back my own tears, even as they burned and pricked at my throat and eyes. “But you can’t.”

And it was as simple as that, wasn’t it? He couldn’t ever take it back.

I don’t want to lose you.

He knew just how to get under my skin, past all that rusted armour of mine.

It was what made this all so much harder.

“Tell me what to do, Squeaks.” Matty croaked pleadingly, hand reaching out towards me before he looked down at it, blinked, and then let it fall. “I’ll do it, just– tell me.”

What was left that he could do? When it felt like things had so suddenly and so horrifically fallen out from under us.

“I don't know.” I told him honestly, in a barely there whisper, “I just don't know, Matty.”

He stepped even closer then, hand moving to capture my jaw in a determined haste, not restraining himself like he had just moments before. I tried to pull away, titling my chin and looking off to the side as I clenched my teeth, but his thumb was there, luring me back in, forcing me to meet his eye.

“I’m not just gonna give up.” His other hand jumped to cradle my face, a cushion to those heated words.

I was reluctant in my needless wanting, desperate to be held whilst simultaneously wanting to push him away. So I lifted my hands up to cover his own, unsure of the choice they’d make. To stay, or go.

“It’s not about that, Matty.” I heard myself say pathetically, voice wavering with each word, “You can’t just forget this.”

His dark eyes were trained on me, flickering over every square inch of my scarred face. I’d never felt insecure about them when I was around him, but this moment felt too heated, too high strung. And I’d been burning the candle at both ends the last few days, so with him being this close, this intense, every emotion I’d felt was brimming closer and closer to the surface.

Instead of facing him, I turned away, hiding once more as I worked my jaw and felt my hands slip down to the backs of his forearms.

A shared breath and then,

“Don’t do that.” Matty whispered in the quiet, almost begging. “Don’t hide from me.”

His thumb smoothed over the skin of my cheek and I was all but putty in hands, looking back at him just as a tear escaped me and slid to meet the pad of it.

Matty brushed the tear away without thought, before he leant in to rest his forehead against my own. The action forced me to cling tighter to his arms, eyes closing to keep from embarrassing myself any further. I wouldn’t cry.

I wouldn’t cry.

“Look at me.” He demanded, nose so close that I could practically sense its phantom touch. And foolishly, I did as he asked. “You-” His breath stuttered as his eyes pleaded with me, sounding forced as it broke free from him, his fingers making a home for themselves in my hair.

“You don’t know what you do to me. How much of a mess I’ve made of myself. How much I have missed you.” Matty confessed, his voice quiet in the small space shared between us, in a place where we were both sheltered and unseen. “And I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry. Enough that I’ll keep on repeating it until you fucking believe me. Enough that I’d do just about anything for you to see how much I want this.”

He sucked in a breath, and I blinked back at him, lips tingling with the sensation of his proximity.

“I know I messed up. I know.” He repeated, eyes flickering back and forth between my own whilst his thumbs trailed the line of my hair. “But all I’m asking for is a chance to make it right. To be better. Squeaks, I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could.”

His breath was tickling the skin of my cheek as well as the corner of my mouth, it almost made it difficult to think let alone remember how to breathe. I wanted–

Suddenly my eyes were looking down, focused on his parted mouth, on the stubble he’d let grow across the cut of his chin as well as his upper lip. His nose finally brushed past my own, touching ever so carefully as one or both of us pressed nearer, almost there, inching closer but not close enough.

“Tell me no.”

Instantly, I was thrown back to that first night he kissed me. I hadn’t told him no then, and for some reason I couldn’t find it in me to decline him now.

So instead I took, all but biting as my hand cradled the back of his neck and closed that short amount of distance between us. My nails dug into the exposed skin of his nape, where the collar of his shirt jumped with each move he made. My teeth nipped at his lower lip, angry in my attempt to swallow him whole, teeth clashing as we both stumbled, moving and moving until Matty’s back hit the nearest wall.

How the roles had reversed, I thought to myself as Matty’s shoulders flexed beneath his shirt and jumped under my ever roaming hands. I hated the desire that it stirred through me, knowing how easily he could take back control with his carefully contained strength. But he didn’t, instead he gave my fury something to latch onto.

My hand lifted to pin one of his wrists somewhere to the left of his head, glare not wavering even as his stubborn gaze met my own. He was as riled up as me.

“You have some nerve.” I all but spat, watching on as his chest rose and fell, questioning how quickly everything had switched.

“Yeah?” Matty bit back, those familiar brown eyes- a colour that had always brought me comfort- were blazing now as they trailed over the flush that I was sure lined my face. “Why’s that? You’re the one with me pinned, darlin’.”

His heavy gaze traced the bow of my lip, slumping ever slightly in his stance so that his head could fall closer forward. My breath hitched.

That was all he needed apparently, to earn the upper hand here. Because in a moment, the room was spinning and then I was the one being crowded against the wall, fury be damned.

Contrary to my previous endeavour, Matty’s touch was still as careful as ever, making it that much more obvious that I could slip away if I so wanted. But the question was whether or not I did.

“Matty–”

But he just carried on, as though he hadn’t even heard me speak, voice a low breathy murmur.

“I’ve been stuck in this endless loop. Driving myself mad.” He told me, his knee angled enough so that he could let his head dip towards the juncture of my neck, his mouth pausing by the shell of my ear whilst a finger gently trailed its way up over my hip. “Wonderin’ if I’d lost this for good.”

My heart pounded in my chest as the ghost of his words tickled my skin, tensing when his nose ever so slightly grazed my jaw.

That finger of his continued to move, working its way up my torso, jumping across my ribs and up to the bone of my collar. My gaze was fixed on the opposing wall, on the mirror that framed my dazed face and the back of his head. My hand worked its way into his unruly curls.

“But you’re as stubborn as me, see.” Matty added, luring me in, “And I’m not the type to give up on a sure thing.” His words held enough bite that I snapped back to meet his stare, he tilted his head at me whilst I scowled.

“Excuse me?”

Matty smiled, lids heavy as his careful hand danced its way back down my front.

“And this,” He said, almost in a whisper, ignoring my retort as he hooked my leg around his waist, “This is a sure thing.”

A soft breath escaped me even as I batted his hand away, but he simply reached up to grip at my chin, touch tender even with the way his calloused thumb dragged down my lower lip.

I was slowly beginning to imagine that this was all a dream, something my sick mind had gone and conjured up in hopes to ignore all of the hurt he had put me through. Because this couldn’t be right, things couldn’t have fallen back into place this easily.

“Matty.” I tried again, firmer this time, but was captured by the look his eyes held, probably having understood the expression that must have just crossed my face.

“What did you do, Squeaks?” He asked me almost hurriedly, shaking my chin between his forefinger and thumb, my previous anger and doubt melting slightly as I leaned further into his touch. “Did you want me to hurt, too?”

I blinked, caught off guard by the sudden question, his swift change in topic. Baffled by the fact that he was now trying to pin this back on me.

Was that really what this was? I wanted to ask.

Matty didn’t give me the opportunity to say a thing though. My surprise had stalled me briefly, but it had evidently been long enough to allow him to simply carry on.

“What did you do, eh? Tell me.” He breathed before he pressed his mouth to my jaw, once and then twice, pulling away just as I tilted my head to accommodate him, “Did you go out, baby? Find somebody else? Or did you just stay here, waiting for me?”

I reeled back, anger spiking again. “Fuck you.”

Matty’s eyes flickered back and forth between mine.

“I’m trying to get you to.” He said, always so brazen and snarky, even in the moments where I hated him most. The hand I had previously slapped away went back to the leg he still had draped over his hip, snaking up over my knee and to my thigh.

My glare didn’t waiver, even as my breathing picked up at the pressure his fingertips wrought on my skin.

“Tell me no.” He finally repeated, eyes failing to meet mine. And how was I supposed to? When having him this close brought back that fire he’d put out in me, when he was kissing my neck so sweetly?

“We’ll regret it.” It was as close to a no as I could get, enough to have him pause. Matty looked to me then, his hold loosening on my body but still holding. Hoping.

“Do you care?”

I marvelled at the question, did I care?

I cared so much it pained me.

But he hadn’t meant it like that. That much I knew.

Do you care if you regret it? Because, what if you don’t?

With Matty there was always chance– he was the type to play the odds, to push his luck.

What if.

What if, what if, what if?

Shaking my head, I was forced to question if he understood me as much as I did him. If he could see each of my thoughts just as they dawned on me, flashing across my face like a story being told.

Then I wondered whether or not I even wanted him to understand. This, this thing we were doing would only further complicate things between us, but perhaps this could be a goodbye.

But, if this was a goodbye, why was he looking at me like that? Watching and waiting for me to truly answer.

Tell me no, he’d said.

Matty’s gaze swept over my face, as though trying to read me, maybe in hopes to find what it was he was really searching for.

Tell me no.

“Please.”

And my resolve broke at the word.

“Okay.” I heard myself say in reply, nodding quickly, and that was seemingly all the permission he needed before Matty was wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me towards him fully.

My hands floundered momentarily before they were back on his shoulders, his teeth nipping at my neck.

I moaned, eyes falling shut as he pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses down my skin, teeth scraping before his tongue swirled to soothe their angry ambush. I could smell him everywhere now, the shampoo I was so used to stealing, as well as the only aftershave he’d ever claimed to like.

His hips rolled into mine, pressing himself right against the fabric of my trousers and the underwear which had grown damp during our heated argument.

I didn’t want to linger too long on the thought of my body’s obvious betrayal, too caught up in him to think about how wrong this should all feel.

“Shit.” Matty groaned, breath catching with it as he continued to grind against me.

I gasped back, grabbing at him harder as he bit down on the curve of my neck. I nipped at his jaw in retaliation, nails digging into the skin of his back, hoping to leave a mark.

“I knew you’d miss me.” He grunted into the base of my throat, the hands which held my waist dipping beneath the hem of my shirt to explore further. “Even when you’re angry you’ll wait. ‘Cause no one else can touch like me.”

A whine bypassed my lips almost involuntarily as he continued to rut against me, I wanted to be angry- no, in fact, I was angry. But all emotion other than want was blurring at the edges of my mind now, being pushed further and further back by each eager kiss he peppered along my jaw.

“You really–” I jerked in surprise, cutting myself off with a short gasp when his hand slipped past the hem of my trousers, fingers pressing against the damp fabric he found there.

“What was that?” He provoked, and I could hear the smirk in his voice as he trailed over my covered clit, causing me to whimper before I was biting down on my lower lip. Matty didn’t like that much. “Come on, I wanna hear you.” He muttered, pressing a little harder, wanting a reaction. “Tell me.”

“You’re such a bastard.” I panted, head falling against his shoulder as my hips pushed further into his touch, seeking more.

Matty laughed, all breathy and lovely, mouth catching on the lobe of my ear before he hissed, “Yeah, but you like that about me.”

His hand was gone with that and I was almost tempted to ask, to even plead with him for its return, aching all the more now, enough that all I could think about was riding his fingers until I couldn’t think at all.

But then Matty was grabbing my waist again, his grip hard, firm, and I swallowed when he whispered into my ear once more.

“Jump.”

Without thinking, I jumped.

We collided, his mouth on mine and the two of us moving as though it was second nature. And in a way, it was. But it shouldn’t have been. I knew that. I tried to remind myself of it.

He shouldn’t be here.

But he was. Walking his way through my flat with ease, effortlessly missing each sharp corner and the miniscule step which led back into the hallway. He was blind, my hands in his hair as he manoeuvred us into my bedroom, throwing me down onto sheets that he’d never seen, let alone slept in.

I tugged him down with me, his hands moving to unbutton those fucking jeans he always wore as he worked his way back into my mouth.

He hovered over me after kicking them off, my head pressed to the pillows as his eyes roamed every inch of my face. “Beautiful.” He whispered, as though he hadn’t really meant to say the word aloud.

My breath hitched anyway but Matty paid it no mind, leaning in closer to kiss me again, slower this time around, though his hands were still quick, tugging at the hem of my top enough so that I got the hint. I lifted myself up, breaking away to take it off and toss it to the side.

Matty kissed his way down my neck again, following the trail of scars down my torso until his fingers paused to hook around the top of my trousers. I nodded at his silent ask, planting my feet a little firmer on the mattress so that they could follow my tee.

Matty stopped then, kneeling between my parted thighs, eyes caught on the panties I was wearing, and I could swear something in his gaze shifted as he stared down at me.

“Lace?” He murmured, fingers curling around my thighs tight enough to bruise as he pushed forward, closer to my face. “Really?”

It was a loaded question. Almost felt like an accusation.

I shrugged– I hadn’t meant to end up here, but it hadn’t been subconscious when I’d picked them out of the pile this morning. He liked the way they looked, had told me so one night spent at his when he’d talked me into smoking a couple joints with him sprawled out on his living room floor.

I opened my mouth to reply but Matty didn’t quite catch the motion, already busying himself with the task of pulling the lace down my thighs. His fingers, calloused from years of playing guitar, dragged alongside the black material rolling down my legs. I tensed at the feeling, zeroing in on the slow motion, then listened to him groan at the sight before they were gone completely.

I watched him pull away, balling the damp fabric up in a fist before leaning over the side of the bed to drop them on top of his jeans.

“A souvenir?” I couldn’t help but question, mostly out of mirth, but humour helped deflect from the weight I felt at having him here.

Matty hummed, fingers already back on me, trailing the length of my right leg before he was stretching his way back up again, head stopping between my parted thighs and nosing at a crease sat at the very top. He didn’t answer me though, instead choosing to shut me up with another gasp by dragging his thumb across my folds.

“Matty.”

“Hm?” He hummed again, having sat back on his heels to watch me squirm as he continued on. I shot him a rather annoyed glare.

“Take off your shirt and fuck me.”

His brows rose languidly when he flicked his eyes back up to meet mine, then tilted his head. “But I’m having so much fun.”

With a swift kick to his side, Matty’s hand fell away and he shook his head around the beginnings of a smile. “Always so demanding.” He tutted and before I could spit something back– probably about him being the biggest hypocrite I knew– he was placing his hands either side of my head and leaning forward so that his lips were right beside my ear, his breath fanning the shell of it. “You gonna beg for it?”

My breathing grew heavy as I watched him pull away, dragging a finger up the inside of my thigh before stilling ever so briefly and venturing on, up over my hip and then my ribs. He pressed a slow kiss to my chest, eyes flicking up to find mine as his tongue swirled over the skin, there and then gone.

“Come on–”

He huffed a quiet laugh, the force of it lighting goosebumps over my exposed flesh. “Come on, baby. Beg.”

I rolled my eyes, reaching up to grab at his neck but he was already dancing out of my reach. He jutted his chin.

“Matty.” I huffed.

“Yeah?”

I really wanted to throttle him, “Fuck me. I’m not asking.”

The corner of his mouth tugged itself up into a small smirk, “Good enough.”

A disbelieving chuckle escaped me, one which was quickly cut short by his wandering hands finding purchase on my hips once more, before he dragged me down the length of the bed, his mouth finding purchase on the swell of my breast.

He pressed fast kisses along the curve of it until his tongue flicked out over the nipple, causing me to gasp. My hands flew out to tangle themselves in his hair when he lapped it into his mouth to suck and I groaned at the weight of his hands cradling the curve of my back.

“Matty.”

He hummed and the sound sent vibrations rippling out across my skin, I fisted my hands into his curls harder.

Shifting until my hips found his whilst he lavished at my chest, I pressed up into him, both annoyed by the fact he was still clad in his boxers and pleased by the very visible wet patch I could see. I ground against him and the sensation elicited moans from the pair of us, his hands flying down to hold my hips steady.

“Patience.” He murmured, but I was having none of it, lifting a leg against his arse to spur him closer. Matty’s head jerked up at the surprise before he looked down at me and stared. “You’ll be the death of me.”

“You better hope not.” I replied, hands finding the hem of his shirt and dragging it off before he could fight me on it. “I’ll make it painful.”

“Counting on it.” Matty murmured back, hair now a mess, either from the clutch I’d had on it moments before or from the way I’d all but yanked his top over his head. “On all fours,” He said roughly, tapping my outer thigh twice. My already flushed skin heated further at the understanding of how he wanted to take me but– contrary to popular belief– I didn’t argue and rolled onto my stomach.

Palms to the sheets, I pushed myself up onto my hands and knees, eyes trained on the headboard. I grinned to myself when I heard Matty groan at the sight, looking back over my shoulder only briefly to see him palming himself through his boxers.

“Don’t have all day, Healy.” I prompted after a moment passed, just before the mattress shifted beneath his weight. I heard something drop to the floor a second later before he was right up behind me.

I jolted a tad at his sudden touch, then was forced to focus on the way his hands slid over my hips with that same familiarity they’d always done, moving up to the swell of my arse to squeeze it before dropping back down to spread my legs further apart.

A moment passed and I was forced to wait in the silence he then gifted me, waiting and waiting until I finally went to say something. It was then that I felt a finger glide down my spine, dragging ever so slowly over my jumping muscles.

“Hands,” Matty then reminded and I was forced to blink away the haze I had drifted into, reaching up to grab onto the headboard just as I felt him swipe his dick between my thighs, guiding himself up over my folds, pushing past them so he rested at my entrance.

I let go of a rush of air, splaying my hands further against the headboard before he slammed into me without any warning at all, all the way up to the hilt whilst I cried out at the sudden fullness. “Fuck.” I hissed, head falling between my shoulders as I winced.

I breathed through the bit of pain that came with the thrust, acknowledging that Matty didn’t move an inch and instead keeping still, hands holding my hips even as he leaned over to whisper, “You good?”

His voice was surprisingly soft in the quietness that encased the flat, reminding me of other times we’d spent here, both like this and in other odd moments. It made my chest ache.

I took another moment to adjust to him before I nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

He hummed in turn but didn’t question it, just waited, thumbs circling the skin on my hips for a moment in a manner so gentle and yet so very Matty, before finally, he moved.

His thrusts were shallow and slow at first, his thumbs keeping the same steady tempo as they continued to soothe the tops of my hips. I moaned at the feel of him, before I managed to roll my hips back to meet his own, enjoying the sound that escaped him.

“So good.” He said, hand sliding further up my side and towards my ribs before I was titling my head back and Matty was holding a fistful of my hair. He just held it for a bit, forearm pressed against the skin of my back before his thrusts began to grow harder, tugging more and more.

The room was quickly filled with the sounds of our groans along with the bedframe rocking against the wall and I praised all the Gods above for the fact that there were currently no neighbours residing in the flat beyond it, before I was quickly swept up once more in the thick scent of sweat and sex. Matty fucking into me with a desperation I’d never quite experienced from him before.

I panted beneath him, nails digging into the wood of my headboard whilst he picked up the pace.

I couldn’t quite focus on anything but him. His breathy whispers, his fingertips which dotted my skin, the feel of him rocking in and out of me. It was almost as though nothing else existed but this moment, even if I knew it would soon end. His thrusts getting sloppier, his grip tightening, his murmured praises increasing by a tenfold.

“Come on, baby.”

I liked when he called me that.

Made me feel special.

But that thought soon soured. Because, was I really?

How could I be anything special when my whole life I’d been nothing but a doormat for people to walk all over? I couldn’t help but think that Matty would be the same, like he’d gotten too close and finally seen what everybody else already had.

“Squeaks, baby. What do you need?”

I whimpered at his ask, tears collecting in the corners of my eyes. “I–”

What the fuck did I need? It wasn’t meant to feel so loaded, that question. But it felt as though the walls were now closing in. Because was this it? Was this the end?

“I–” I tried, feeling Matty’s fingers slip from the ends of my hair before a gentle palm laid itself flat on the small of my back.

“So good for me.” I heard him say and I moaned at the slight praise, breathing harder as he continued to mumble mostly to himself, “So pretty. So good.”

I was almost there, back arching under his palm as the other moved away from the right grasp it held on my hip, fingers finally finding my clit, knowing exactly what I needed.

“Yes.” I panted as the combination of his hard thrusts and steady hand sent my head into a dizzying pool of water, “God, yes. I–”

I think I screamed as I came, his fingers working deftly whilst mine clung to the headboard, body trembling as I fought to keep myself up. But Matty was there, holding me long enough so that he could reach his high and pull out with a loud grunt, coating my inner thighs.

We stayed there for, I don’t know how long, until he finally released me, falling away whilst I slumped forward onto the pillows before us. He followed a second later, still catching his breath as he stared up at the ceiling. I watched him, eyes hidden behind my forearm and a sprawl of hair that had fallen over my face, content to soak in what I could of him. What I had left.

Then Matty shifted beside me, I half expected him to get up and leave with some half-arsed excuse on the tip of his tongue, but he paused when he caught my heavy gaze. I let my eyes trail over the side of face, on the tired circles settled beneath his lash line and the slope of his nose.

He looked back towards the ceiling.

“You got your souvenir, remember?” I found myself saying, stupidly, voice just above a croaked murmur, “Don’t let me keep you.”

Quiet. And then, “Do you want me to?”

I knew what he meant, but still I asked, “Want what?”

Matty’s head slowly turned towards me, eyes guarded and peering over at my devastated form. I wondered what he made of me right then, if he thought anything at all.

When he offered me no words, I refused to add anything either and felt what was left of my heart crumple up into a pitiful bundle when he pushed himself to the edge of a bed with a barely there sigh.

The air in my lungs caught as I watched and waited, eyes trailing after him as he rounded the bed frame to pick up his discarded boxers. I let them slip closed again, not wanting to watch him leave.

I listened to his feet pad across the hardwood floors and out of the room. My chest ached with every step but I didn’t dare stop him, burying my face further into my pillow.

I laid in wait for the front door to open, for there to be a clue to his evident departure, but then the footsteps returned. I didn’t dare give myself false hope, knowing he must have forgotten something to have come back. But the padding continued, closer and closer until they were back by the bed and I held my breath as it creaked, my eyes stinging just as I felt a warm damp cloth press against my inner thighs, wiping me clean.

I choked on the sob that wanted to escape me and the cloth paused for a split second before venturing on. I waited, wondering why he was doing this, why he was dragging it out.

Just leave already.

But then the cloth was pulling away again, and the bed was creaking again, and the tears, they wouldn’t stop.

Stay.

Please just stay.

I gasped into the pillowcase, stomach tensing with the strength to keep quiet. To let him leave quietly.

I wouldn’t cry.

And then there was quiet, at least for a moment or two, before the bed dipped once more and there was a hand in my hair, combing the strands from out of my face and tucking them behind my ear.

When I opened my eyes, he was still there. Dressed and ready to go, but still sitting there beside me. Whilst I laid bare, curled up into a ball to better protect myself from his knowing gaze.

Suddenly everything hurt. Suddenly I felt exhausted and was falling apart at the seams.

Matty moved carefully, stretching toward the foot of the bed before returning with the sheet to cover me up, laying it gently over my trembling shoulders. He leaned in to press a slow kiss to my forehead and then went to move away again.

My hand caught his wrist.

And then I was flat out sobbing. Hysterical even. Crying into the pillow almost soundlessly as I gasped to try and catch my breath. Because I wanted him to stay. I needed him to stay.

Not just for me. But for Teddy. And for the life he brought into my dreary flat. To the kindness he never failed to gift me.

I needed him to stay.

I needed him.

I opened my mouth to ask, to let him know. But I could hardly even bear to look at him, blurred as he was through my onslaught of tears, Matty still held the key to all but destroying what little I had left.

His hand returned to my hair, fingers tangling themselves in it, a sudden contrast to the rough grip they’d held there earlier. And then he settled further onto the bed, back pressed against the headboard whilst he continued to run his fingers through my hair.

The tears still flowed but the sobs came less and less, until I was blinking at his shadowed figure in the dark, holding out hope that somehow he’d just know and he’d stay.

106 notes · View notes

lorimnnn · 1 year

Note

Hello, would you be so kind to write for some DBD killers? If so, could you please write some headcanons on Max, Kazan and Anna taking pity on a survivor reader? She has been hiding away the whole trial and they find her shaking in a corner, hugging her knees and crying. She is so scared that she can't move and the only thing that comes out of her mouth is a weak "I just want to go home"

Than you in advance! 💗

absolutely!!!!

i do apologise for taking WAY too long with this, sometimes a lack of motivation trumps all, no matter how good the request is!

I hope what I've written is plenty enough to please you...

also, keep requesting guys! I love seeing your messages turn up in my inbox <;3

cw: canon-typical violence, gore, some swearing, panic/anxiety, but mostly just angsty fluff, ngl

DBD Killers With a Scared!Reader

Max Thompson Jr.

Initially... he's so confused. He doesn't know what to think, first, but avoids you as an issue to deal with later. I'd like to think the Hillbilly prefers to take care of the more difficult survivors, first--- he's just like that.

His screams terrify you. You can hear the sound or people getting torn apart and you've never been particularly fond of torture. You were a sensitive, emotional soul, and so, very kind. But make no mistake. The Entity meant for you to be here--- whoever the "Entity" was, anyway.

At this point, everybody had left you behind to fend for themself. Since the Hillbilly was an unsubtle butcher, it was easier to elude and avoid him--- giving them time to try explain to you and encourage you to do your part. But it just went in one ear and out the other. You were terrified, after all. Eventually, they just gave up and let you be, crying and frozen with your hands clamped over your ears.

How did it ever come to this?

Now you're the only one left. Max doesn't notice you at first, you know, since you're new. He thinks he's taken care of everyone, but he doesn't understand why the trial hasn't ended

Then he hears small, breathless sniffles

Whips around, confused

His chainsaw growls at his side and the crying grows louder as he nears. He hunts you down and just... finds you. Raises the chainsaw above his head and is about to kill you--- but then you look up at him, completely defeated and vulnerable, wet-eyed and quivering

You don't even try to run at that rate. How can you? Where will you go? You've never been here before. But it looks very far from home

I think it's the hopelessness in your life that makes him pause

he's completely quiet and just standing there

And realising that nobody is coming to help you, you burst into more violent wails

"I want to go home!"

Awkwarddddd

stands there watching you tear up and inwardly panics

doesn't know how to comfort anyone. his parents were terrible and tortured him, and because of his prison in the walls, he never got to make any friends

he's grappling with the feeling of duty

it's not the first time survivor's have cried before, but it's the first time one has cried and not looked at him with complete disgust or hatred. you're crying because you're scared, yes, and obviously scared of him... but it's like you're giving him an opportunity to win your trust

he finally gets to be more than an angry villain... and he's unsure where to start

so he puts down his chainsaw, first. turns it off and everything, then just chucks it somewhere behind him. he'll go find it later

you're watching him like a deer in the headlights as he gets down on his knees and carefully scoots towards you

you flinch when his hand descends close to your face... and then rests on your head

*pat pat pat*

You're still so stiff, so terrified, but your tears are beginning to cease in passion

seeing your reaction feels like a reassurance, so he does it again

a bit harsh with it though

"ow..." you say when it starts to feel like he's hitting you. "that hurts..."

oh my gosh he feels so bad

hand retreats immediately

makes a sound that has you deflating completely, because you realise he's trying. he's truly trying, and is just not very good at it

he's completely defenseless, too

you realise that with a flinch, because it means that this disfigured, monstrous killer is trying to appeal to your trust, telling you he won't kill you

you soften up a little

you fear that when he stands up because you're taking too long, he'll grab the chainsaw again and make it quick. but you don't want to die--- you saw everyone else get chopped up and you don't want that to happen to you

max stiffens when he sees you beginning to move on to your hands and knees, crawling towards him. your face is still wet but now they're full of hope, not just undiluted fear

"can... can I have a hug?"

he's so scared he'll crush you

in all honesty maxie's never gotten a hug before. he's not used to this kind of gentleness, just violent anger

so he opens his arms up slowly, jerking like a rusting machine, inviting you in the best he can. trying to smile at you, even though his face doesn't allow. it's like his hatred for his disfigurement has just been renewed--- he wishes he could look nicer, just for you

definitely has a moment where he's like, "what the fuck am I doing right now?"

very well knows the entity may punish him for this

can't bring himself to care

not when you curl up against his chest between his knees, your sobs starting up again as you grip into his clothes, holding yourself impossibly close

absolutely melts

a natural at adapting to the cuddle

wraps his arms around you like you're delicate, though. not the firmness you need but it makes you feel so special and so cared for that you just cry harder, burying your face into him

max cannot believe this is happening rn

a new, alien kind of warmth floods through him, protective and strong. he strokes your arm gently and lets you cry, wishing he knew how to help, cursing himself out for the fact he doesn't

jumps when you speak, "will I ever go home again?"

his heart practically breaks. he doesn't want to shake his head, but he has to. he doesn't understand why he hates it when you cry, but he allows it.

and he promises that he'll do everything in his ability to protect you, and make sure you never have to cry like this again

all in all a 10/10 touch-starved baby. would probably fall a little in love with you when you recover, shaky hands reaching to pull you into another hug, but not knowing if it's okay.

will bridal carry you into the hatch and drop you in, heart breaking all over again when you scream and fight to reach for him, hands desperately fumbling for grip on his clothes

but he'll see you again

just you wait, sweetpea

Kazan Yamaoka

an asshole. he's so driven by rage that he most likely won't notice at first. just destroys and destroys, reaping destruction in his chosen path

this means that you won't even have a chance to talk to the other survivors. they know how kazan is and they'll send you an apologetic glance as they all scatter, wishing they had more time to explain but knowing if they didn't work fast, they were all done for

you're on your own, kid

let's say you're a good climber. shakily, you haul yourself on to the roof and choose there to hide, because for some reason... nobody ever looks up. ever.

until the end

kazan is wracking his head for a solution--- why isn't the trial ending? hasn't he won? he killed them all... hooked, mori'd, he'd lost count. but he knew the faces of the survivors he hated the most to the ones he still couldn't stand on a lesser scale and was sure he'd made a mess of all of them. but still, the trial continued

which meant a new survivor

so who was it?

where was it?

drives himself insane trying to find you. for all his rage and godlike pride, he's not the brightest

only realises you're on the roof when you start hiccupping, panic increasing tenfold when you realise you're the only one left. You don't know about hatches, you don't know about anything. Nobody explained anything to you

And now you're stuck with a flaming, angry monster

you can't even scream. it's stuck in your throat, muffled, choking on it--- you can only watch as kazan gets closer and closer. he's even angrier than usual--- did you mean to trick him? did you plan this? of course, you wanted to make a fool out of him

approaches you with audible, potent breaths. he reminds you of a hungry lion on the prowl, an apex predator approaching you, unrivalled. proud. ego hurt.

you back away

there is no remorse in this samurai, you can see it. you're scrambling back with your hands still on your ass, sniffling. and then you slip.

it's completely clumsy and stupid. you're at the end of the roof and you didn't realise, and now you're on your back, nothing to grab on to, and rolling off the edge.

kazan watches you smack against the ground. he expects you to get up and run away again.

but when you cry out, a vulnerable, naked cry, innocent to pain like this, he stops.

he watches you sob harder, muttering to yourself. "I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I just wanna go home..."

and your eyes are clenched shut, like you're praying. don't you know your wishes are futile, here? the Entity is not a merciful god, nor is it kind

you curl up into a ball and just lay there, and he can only stare

he starts to remember how your teammates didn't even help you. they only cared for themselves and their own survival. dishonourable cowards.

they'd left you stranded, and none of them had noticed

he supposed he could try and understand their positions. they were in a high-pressure situation and they could only do what they needed to do, lest they be butchered by them premature to even the middle of the trial. but still

there was a special kind of fear you honed that made him almost feel... bad

it took him back to his youth. he remembered his dead father. that man had not been innocent to bloodshed, but he had been innocent, no less. and he had died. dead in a way he did not deserve

you reminded him of his father taking his last breath

that day, he had failed to protect his family and honour his last name. he had not been a warrior that day, but a coward

and seeing you was a painful reminder of all his regrets

so he sighed

and carefully made his way towards you

you didn't even notice him until he grabbed you by the chin, turning your head to face him. your breath hitched in your throat and you froze all over, more tears surfacing to your eyes

but the feared oni only scoffed

"I'm not here to hurt you. I would have done so already if that were the case."

you sniffled pathetically

he loosened his grip on your face

being gentle had never been his strong suit. it had been a while since he'd had such an opportunity, to be responsible for someone else's comfort. be the person they needed

swallows when you melt into his touch

your entrance had been a rude one, after all. he was the only person who'd ever stopped and attempted kindess with you in this hell hole. the other survivors had neglected you

"your arm is broken?"

"i... I think so."

"The Entity will fix it."

"Entity?"

sighs

gently explains to you where you are and what's going on. at this point, he has squatted down to sit, less beast and more man... and you have finally sat up, cradling your arm as you scoot closer. kazan has noticed but hasn't said anything, unsure of your movements but certain of your weakness

does not expect you to throw yourself into his arms

the impropriety!!!

kazan is an Edo-era samurai, come on

freezes up like he's been violated

"s-sorry," you whisper. "I just... I need someone. Please. To tell me I'll be okay."

relaxes

pity begins to transform into sympathy and something else, something that makes him feel responsible for you. Like a dad or something, or maybe even more. a possible companion

won't get ahead of himself, though

strokes your hair like a domesticated cat and eventually hauls you into the little cradle formed in the centre of his crossed legs

you're baby now

not that you're complaining

kazan is as warm as a furnace and he's the first comforting thing you've had in a while. against your will, your entire body melts and you become liquid in his arms, much to his pleasure

he finds he... may like this

he's never really given tender affection like this before. sure, he had his family, but that had been purely for the upholding o his dark legacy

now that's over and immortalised, and there's you

he doesn't mind you

remember that kazan is very headstrong and emotionally driven. he kills everyone in an episode of unparalleled anger. so of course he starts to see you in a certain way--- his little deer, little one, sweet creature

depending only on him

of course he'll take care of you when he puts it like that

but alas, he can't keep you here forever

"Little one, we must part. But I will see you again. I will make sure of it. You will be strong when I see you next time. You will not cower. Do you understand?"

You really don't, but tearfully, you nod. you don't want to disappoint and it pleases him that you care to appease to a monster at all

leads you to the hatch with one hand on the back of your neck. sends you off with an approving nod.

you'll never know how softly he smiled at you that day

Anna

with her hunting skills, you have more luck being obvious than you do hiding and being subtle. you hiding and being subtle was what gave you away immediately

and also, Anna loves a challenge

the other survivors tried dragging you around with them, explaining, but it was all in vain. you weren't moving. you weren't doing anything but crying

they gave up and abandoned you when it compromised their own safety to be around you

but some stayed

who was it? leon. of course it's leon. he's too noble, too kind-hearted to leave you behind

he tries to defend you when Anna finally approaches, but he can't

you feel your entire world break apart when she mori's him right in front of you

that's when your hardly-contained sobs turn into silent, breathless whimpers, more tears streaming down your face and your chest quaking as you fight to breathe

you can't breathe

noticing how you aren't even moving away, Anna will pause

she will look at you, consider your state

do you enjoy being such easy prey?

maybe, maybe not

she takes her time to study you because you're not going anywhere and even if you tried, she'd be on to you in seconds

you're staring at Leon's mutilated body, hands curling into the dirty

i think that's when it hits you this is very real, and there's no escape

you're absolutely done for

and you're terrified because of it

and as Anna approaches, you can't even back away. too in shock, too scared, to helpless and vulnerable

who is this woman, so sly and stealthy, murdering all of you one by one? a rabbit mask on her face--- a real rabbit, too?

and why is she hesitating to kill you when she didn't hesitate to kill Leon?

little do you know, Anna's soft spot for little girls has been triggered

it just has to be the way you're curled up, knees to your chest and arms helpless beside you, fighting to curl around your legs when there's no strength to hold them there

you just look so... small

like you need someone

Anna will feel slightly bad that she killed the only person who gave you any sort of momentary security

after all, Anna knew what it was like to be left completely alone

the feeling of loneliness was unparalleled and the fact you looked so... defenceless made her feel even worse about it

at least the other survivors had their own skills

you were obviously new to all of this--- did you even know what you could do?

poor baby

immediately decides she will spare you. fuck being a survivor, you're helpless and you need someone, even if that means her, a killer. you need her

motherly instincts absolutely activated

you squeak pathetically when she crouches down beside you, arms looping beneath your knees and back

you can't even scream when she lifts you. what the fuck--- what are you doing, what---

she lifts you so easily, too. doesn't matter how heavy you are. remember her strength is increased by the entity, and she can hunt bears and stuff. she's strong

and she's... she's rocking you like a newborn baby...

anna sings to you. she sings the lullabies her mother used to sing to her and hums into your ear, trying to calm you

soothe you

it works, if only slightly

you're still not ever the fact that she brutalized Leon like that RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU

and she does feel guilty but she isn't sure there is anything she can say to you to fix that

your eyes are just too innocent

it's very clear to her that you've never seen blood before. at least, not like that

not to that extreme

starts babying you until your cries cease completely

whispers to you comfortingly in Russian

you vaguely understand a question she keeps asking you: what's wrong? what is it? what is the problem?

at least, you think so

you just look at her tearfully, about to burst all over again and say, "I just want to go home!"

at that moment, her heart breaks for you

and she feels so much anger towards the Entity, because can she not see? is this some joke?

you are the last person deserving of this kind of hell

you reminded her of the rabbits that used to roam her forest. they were so vulnerable and weak

but they had their own tenacity she was sure she would see in you

puts you down and holds your hand, then starts tugging you along

you follow dumbly, with a bewildered expression on your face

her message is very clear: "I'll get to you in a minute. Let me take care of something first, okay?"

holds your hand tighter when she hooks and mori's the other survivor right in front of you all over again, feeling that you're trying to run away

it's like she's trying to each you something

shows you how to hide and the best places to do so (and pretends she can't see you when she forces you to practice)

it's giving father-son catch except it's more so mother-daughter hide and seek

not very fun on your end and you get more and more freaked out but you find you'd rather be favoured by the killer than hated

by the time there's nobody left, Anna will reluctantly lead you to the hatch

she doesn't want to let you go

she might even offer things to the entity to keep you as her little daughter

she knows she could protect you much better and hates the idea of seeing you hurt when she just knows the other killers won't be as merciful

they won't understand

feels so possessive of you already, but knows that either way, the Entity will take you away

So she pulls you to her, kisses your head

then shoos you off the hatch like a mother duck bidding farewell to her duckling

you just stare at her, confused

does it again

realising that she wants you to jump into the unknown door in the ground, you start crying again

no! no! don't do that!

hugs you in a panic and pets your hair

depending on how severe she will pick you up again

and in either case, she will have to--- broken heartedly--- send you off into the abyss as you sniffle

"please don't make me go..."

oh trust me, she doesn't want to

but she'd rather not find out what the entity will do to you

strokes your hair and gives you a gentle push

she'll come back for you, y/n

mommy's proud of you!!!

yay! I did it!

I hope you enjoyed this, nonnie. this was so fun to write.

please keep sending me requests!

oh, and remember to reblog and follow!

lorimn <3

#dbd #dbd x reader #the hillbilly x reader #max thompson jr #max thompson jr x reader #the hillbilly #kazan yamaoka #kazan yamaoka x reader #the oni #the oni x reader #the huntress x reader #dbd killers x reader #dead by daylight #dbd headcanons

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mr-bas00nist · 10 months

Note

Leon, Wesker or Chris with a trans ftm reader?

Calling him (reader) their handsome man/boy and stuff like that (in general just lots of praise and stuff

-thank you <3

I’ll do all 3 🫡 no CW btw. Very tooth rotting fluff, kind of corny ngl. These are just blurbs of the boys in different situations praising you. Maybe a little ooc on Albert’s part but it could be seen as love bombing.

Leon S. Kennedy

You and Leon were relaxing at home watching a movie. Leon was always into actions movie, he’ll never admit it but sometimes he copies moves he sees the characters do. You go into the kitchen to get your finished popcorn. The smell of butter and salt filling the house. You sit down next to him with the bowl of popcorn in your hand as you sit next to him laying down on his shoulder. You put the popcorn on his lap as you guys begin watching the movie. He begins to eat some of the popcorn as he smiles. “Extra butter and salt. You know what I like.” Leon says with a laugh as he looks down at you. You look up at him with a smile. “No big deal.” You snicker a little bit, Leon smiles softly. He wraps his arm around your shoulder pulling you as close as he could. “Your such a good boy.” He says kissing your forehead with a snicker. “I love you.” You smile softly. “I love you too.”

Chris Redfield

You and Chris were at a fancy restaurant on a date. It was rare when Chris got days off and he actually took them off. It had been awhile since you guys had been on a date though so he thought why not treat you tonight? You both were at your favorite restaurant sitting in the booths across from each other as you stared at him admired his features. He turns his attention back to you as he takes a sip of his champagne. Usually, he wasn’t a fancy drink guy but when he was out for you he wanted to look like it. Sometimes he’d look up certain drinks and start talking about them, he was usually always completely off on every drink. It made you laugh though and the amount of effort that went into it you didn’t dare to say anything. Your guys food soon comes as you guys begin to eat. Chris finished his food quickly as he eyes up yours. “Hey baby……” He started off as he grabbed his fork. “Can I try some?” You snicker as you nod. Chris smiles as he begins to try some of your food. “I love you, you know that right? Your the best boyfriend anyone could ask for.” He begins as he chews his food. “I love you too baby.” You say with a nod and a sweet smile.

Albert Wesker

Albert was currently in his lab working on some random experiments. He said what he was doing didn’t concern you. To be fair, it didn’t. You couldn’t really have cared less. But, it had been a few hours since he’s been up the stairs. You knew that he was probably denying himself a much needed meal and hydration. So you cooked a quick meal for him and brought him down a glass of water. His lab door had a ‘KEEP OUT’ sign but you were an exception. You knock on the door three times to alert him you were going inside. He was at his chair doing something on his computer. The lab reeked of bleach and other cleaners. It looked like he hadn’t noticed you but this was Albert, he’s always aware. You walk over to him without a word as you set the plate of food in front of him. You also hand him a glass of cold water. You were about to leave when Albert speaks. “Y/n.” He spoke in his usual monotone voice. You walk back to him. He gives you a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you sweet boy.” He says with no emotion as he directs his attention back to his work. You smile softly as you leave his lab.

#chris redfield #resident evil x reader #chris redfield x reader #albert wesker x reader #albert wesker #chris redfield x male reader #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy x male reader #albert wesker x male reader #ftm reader #male reader

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34saveme34 · 1 month

Text

MOST INCOHERENT MARWARE RAMBLING INCOMING

I'm so obsessed and I must talk because I love the amount of potential here

like it's. villain x hero's silly sidekick. that's hilarious

like think about it. Puzzles didn't quite get to Mario like to the others

babe's collateral and did he make Puzzles regret that

their dynamic

just the silly in general. I love the early time ship art "what those antennas do" hell if I know but Mario is keen to find out.

it's silly fun! really cute and fun, especially when it stop Puzzles in his tracks. When he expects fear or devotion and instead he gets such a weird and unexpected and chaotic form of adoration with which his heart (if it is still there) cannot handle. it's beautiful. Mario in general just having feelings for him. It's so good

but also I wanna explore the like, specific eroticism that you can put into the Hunt. The way how Mario hunts Puzzles because he craves Entertainment and he'll have it No Matter What, it's so disgustingly amusing and something I could think about forever. I never really understood this before but these 2 REALLY made me understand. Mario smashing every single TV on his way until he finds His One and the Hunt is over? I'm so fucked up, I'M SO F U C K E D

ngl I realise a certain part of the fandom would probably call me a freak for this. I'm calling them catholic guilt ridden

anyways!

the emotional. oh the emotional. Mario already had a different thing going on when it came to villains

I think he is like, the best candidate in general to help Puzzles in redeeming himself. Mario can be SO caring and like like like

it's just ONE facet of this, this isn't how it starts but over time it would become such an important part of this because he grows like, genuine attachment

but the most important thing in the beginning would be is that he's casual. He also has like. a very specific type of emotional maturity, which some people like to call inconsistent writing, I like to call it a quirk and acknowedge it with my whole heart

but it would like, allow the 2 to speak on like, more casual terms

where Puzzles isn't a danger anymore and Mario just so happens to be there at the right time, say the right words

the rights words for Mario to just so obviously see that Puzzles needs a friend so so badly and letting him have it

this once, maybe he can prove to be a cool friend

and oh would he.... oh my goooood would he aaaughgh

because at his core, like, Puzzles isn't evil for the sake of evil, he's evil to obtain what he wants

so like, if he isn't obtaining anymore kdsldlsk I bet he could be fun. Mario would make him touch grass, they would go places together, have some silly adventures together, some more chaotic than the other

a dynamic that would form between the 2 where Puzzles becomes just a bit too soft that he lets Mario get away with things he shouldn't

maybe even helps him because he finds it fun anyways

considering what he was before..... finding solace in chaos and forgetting perfection for a second there...... he finds perfection right beside him....... maybe like, for example in the middle of a food fight Mario causes because they gave him shitty spaghetti or something and Puzzles just seeing the glee on Mario's face over the fun chaos and just. Feeling something in himself. And he wouldn't, for a long time, realise that it's love. He never felt it before

I can almost imagine him turning to romantic movies and such, trying to figure out if the feeling fits. Because it's so so intense in him, he never felt anything like this. He can't talk to anyone about this, he has no other friends in all this. And oooh dhslksdjsd ooOOhOohK?,s,,s,s dsooooooooohhh,,, dsdldk

guys I think he would create. Idk I just think. ijust think .

having experiences in life now, things that just keep replaying in his head, as he is starting to have a life. he would create something from his own head. And it would be like a love letter to Mario. And he would GET IT. And by it I mean. You know. 😲😳😳😳😳😳😳don't make me say it............

okay okay.......!!! He would get Puzzles's homosexual ass.

#smg4 #marware #Nicc-thinks #marware like a virus on my brain really rings true right now #I'm SO sorry to the people who are here for my 34 content but christ these 2 got me in the gayest chokehold of the century

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minas-linkverse · 5 months

Note

Ngl I was going to ask about Breath of the Wild but I’d thought you’d get a million of those asks lol. I was also torn between asking about Wind Waker, so whichever one you want to answer more is chill!!

haha yea I thought I'd get a million asks too! Somehow even now this remains the only botw ask, I guess people just figured it must've been sent already 😅

Now to actually share my thoughts on botw... Man I hope people don't get mad at me.

I did not like it!. The first play through I had was mildly exciting simply due to there being a whole unknown world to see, but after a while that gimmick wore off. I knew that if I made my way to the cool looking mountain or interesting abandoned building I'd just find a bokoblin and/or a chest with a gem. Whats the point of a gorgeous expansive world when all I find is the same...! 😫

Oh wow! A town with a whole new atmosphere and culture I sure wonder what I'll get up to h- Ok they have the same shops with slightly different items. Ok cool. There's like a few small quests for more inventory filler I don't really need. Cool cool.

I understand that the game is really fun for some people, they'll do quests just to get to play more of the game. They want all that extra stuff to upgrade armour and really get into the nitty gritty mechanics of the game... But I did not. It was not for me.

Also ouugh the puzzles...! My favourite part of Zelda games is the puzzle solving, but these were in no way satisfying and often more fun to just break. Why would I bother even trying to get into the devs heads when A) I could just break it and B) I have too many options to consider! I can't possibly get a clean eureka moment when everything from monster guts to just climbing could be the solution...! Where's the engaging simplicity of knowing exactly what you have and following the devs' clues to reach the solution!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa--

I also disliked the story, all the interesting bits in it happened a 100 years ago and I feel like I arrived late with a starbucks. I also will not get over the weird ending cutscene!! After countless fascinating memories of Zelda having very complex emotions at Link... What do you mean you're just going to have a vaguely romantic "Do you still remember me?" YEAH I DO, I thought u disliked me! Which is a fascinating story direction I would've loved continued but OK! I guess we're ignoring that! Women cant be angry that makes them less cute and marketable, I guess!!!!

I... Sorry this is so ranty, I've been holding it in a long time. I think there's a lot to love in botw and I wish I wasn't so sour about it. Other people's love and excitement for it is wonderful and I hope they keep making the art they love. If its your first game in the series and got you into it, that's nothing to be ashamed about. I'm just a grumpy old man waving at cloud /ref.

Honestly I think botw could've been wonderful if it was a new IP. It feels all the Zelda stuff was sort of glued onto a concept that wasn't prepared to carry that mantle. It would've been better off with a new exciting world and cast of characters. It still wouldn't be a game I much care for, but the freedom that could've granted the developers would've been a treat to see.

It's worth adding that even though I dislike botw, I want to treat the characters of that game with respect and care in my comic. I may not love them in game but I can see the passion others have and I am committed to make something worth their time. Your special guys are safe with me. I have 0 desire to dunk on them, and instead wish to honour the love you all have. In a way I'm learning to love them myself through that.

#Ask #Game Reviews tm #Long Post #Please dont hurt me Im just a little lady

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desiredcaramellatte · 5 months

Note

ive never really sen a request to anywhwre before so i dont really know what im doing but like the reader finds werewolf in the forest or whatever and takes him in like a pathetic sad wet puppy [which he is] and takes care of him and stuff and hes trying his hardest not to like them cause he thinks theyre gonna like turn on him or something but fails miserably and gets attached

WOO

He do be a sad little dog ngl

Back to my writing! On winter break right now so yaaay, hopefully I can get some more requests done!

Werewolf & reader

(who takes care of him like a puppy)

This boy is all bark, no bite.

^ He could bite if he wanted, but he’s too anxiety-ridden and self-concious to ever really do so, especially to someone that’s being as nice as you are to him.

He ignores you a lot at first. Refuses to speak or look at you when you're helping him out. Will not eat or drink or acknowledge anything you give to him.

He comes out of this state once you've been very persistent. He will hesitantly sigh and keep his mouth shut when given a dog toy.

^ pspspsps he likes those squeaky chewy bones the most.

He likes it when you brush his hair out. A lot. Werewolf will literally just… melt. He loves when you put it up in ponytails or pigtails or just in some type of style so it doesn't brush against his neck and make him jump.

^ he doesn't know how to put his own hair up.

Werewolf will give you a multitude of gifts. Depending on what you want, he will get it for you. Likely has written down a list of everything you like and has it hidden somewhere in his coat.

His tail is a tell-TAIL (sorry :)) sign of his emotions. He'll be brooding darkly in the corner after you gave him a little to much scratches and his tail will be going a mile a minute.

Werewolf likes listening to emo music. He likes acoustic rock the most. He will absolutely share his favorite songs with you. Lovejoy is probably one of his favorite bands. He also likes Christmas music a lot. Christmas is his favorite holiday, and Werewolf will absolutely participate in all the festivities if you're there to help him out with… learning them.

^ he will purposefully wrap lights around himself just to come up to you and ask you to help him get them off.

#cookie run #cookie run x reader #cookie run kingdom #cookie run kingdom x reader #crk #crk x reader #werewolf #werewolf x reader #werewolf & reader #werewolf cookie #pupper dog #he’s a dog on the inside #requests open

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saturnianprincess · 2 years

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[pick a card] love messages

A short pick-a-card where I channel messages from your current lover/future lover/soulmate or just anyone with who you are or will be romantically involved.

Choose any group group from 1-4 or whichever bear you feel drawn to the most. As always take what resonates and let the rest fly! Hope you enjoy this reading :)

[Group 1] blue bear

Hey sunshine,

I know you are manifesting me and guess what even I am manifesting you! Life has just been about surviving for you lately and trust me I can feel that you have gone through a lot. I am proud of you for being a survivor but please don't feel hopeless, the skies get sunny and clear after the storm. I promise to be the light at the end of your tunnel. You don't have to do this alone, I am always there supporting you (even if I may not be there physically). Please don't dwell on what happened, I know I can't erase that but I promise you wouldn't have to deal with such a thing ever again. I will protect you!

Yours truly

[Some of you who chose this pile have been dwelling a lot about the past. Your future lover/person is saying that you need to heal yourself and let go of the past so that there is space for them to be a part of your life. Keep manifesting the qualities you want your future person to have and try to embody those qualities yourself as well. I am also sensing that some of you have detached yourself from your emotions due to some trauma you may have experienced (i am sorry you had to go through that) but, it's now time to heal it. Also, be open to change don't resist it! Trust the universe, it has some beautiful things planned for you.]

a song from them:

[Group 2] pink bear

hey lover,

How are you? Have you been getting those messages I keep sending you? Yes, it's me trying to connect with you. I am currently working on myself, I might have come across as too arrogant but I swear it's just a facade to protect myself. I have learned a lot of lessons that life has taught me and I am practicing to become the best version of myself for you. I want to build a home with you. A cute family where there's so much love flowing amongst us. I really just want to hold you so tight and give you all my love. I want to be able to give you everything you desire and even more.

Always and forever yours

[Omg, so much lovey-dovey energy in this reading it's so cute! For some of your future lover's higher self is trying to connect with you they are referring to signs or symbols you may see repetitively. Some of you may have met this person recently or you do not know them that well. They have this provider energy, and they really want to fill your cup with love!! Connect to your subconscious to connect with their energy. They are sending you loads and loads of love!]

a song from them:

[Group 3] purple bear

Hey soulmate,

Yeah, I just can't believe that you are real. Damn, I never thought an angel like you could even exist. you are truly my wish come true and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. We really are meant to be. I feel like if I wasn't there at that place that day I might not have ever met you and ngl this does scare me a bit. But I also know your soul has been intertwined with mine for eons and eons. I'm sorry that I have been so impulsive lately but I swear I want to experience life to the fullest with you so I just cannot stay still with you around! My heart gets all fuzzy when I am with you. I can't wait to see the world with you!!!

your fav boy/girl/person,

[Your future lover/spouse is giving me a golden retriever type of energy they are just buzzing with excitement when you are with them. Very wholesome energy! You both meet in a divinely orchestrated manner, it is a fated union of two souls. You might meet them soon or have seen them in your dreams or heard of them through other people. They are mesmerized by your presence.]

a song from them:

[Group 4] yellow bear

Hi y/n,

Life has been shitty to me. This turmoil that I am going through has made me feel like I am incapable of love. I don't know why but I don't have the courage to open my heart again. I have spent sleepless nights thinking about why did I go through that, I did my best but I guess I didn't deserve that. I know you are out there and I know you would never do such a thing but it's hard to keep hope when I see it being taken away from me day by day. But I am thankful for you, I really am. You have taught me that I can heal my heart and trust you to keep it safe. I love you!

Love,

[Your future spouse has been going through a tower moment. They are stressed and anxious about their future. Some of them have been betrayed by a person they trusted dearly while for others they are dealing with their own shadow. All in all a bit of heavy energy for this pile. You are the universe's gift to them and they feel blessed for you.]

a song from them:

#tarotcommunity #tarot cards #pick a card #future spouse #future lovers #romantic #messages from future spouse #Spotify #pariposts

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obeymematches · 1 month

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So I'm not sure if this one counts as a HC, but I was wondering what self-care tips you think the Obey Me! characters would have! Maybe it's a poor prompt so feel free to skip this one, haha. :'D Alternatively, maybe what they would do to cheer up an MC who had a bad day? As a general reminder you are incredibly awesome and your writing is amazing and I always love seeing when you've posted something new!! <3 If you want any character drawings lemme know!

hello bestie if you are reading this, don't stop🩷🩷🩷

it's been years (litetally 😅 you sent me this ask in 2021, sorry for not replying sooner 😅) but i been in the mood lately to write some more again :D ((i'm so rusty though))

i absolutely loved your idea + ngl i've been re-reading your message a lot, makes me feel so nostalgic 😅🩷 I hope life's been treating you well eversince <3 hit me up if you wanna catch up 😃

Okay so first I do the self-care stuff and later i'll do the other prompt 😁

Self-care routine / tips of The Boys!

Lucifer: • His way of self-care is listening to soft piano music in the evening, next to a fireplace. He is glad to invite you! • I feel like he also cares about what he eats, trying to keep it as healthy as can be. I feel like he loves to treat himself with some good quality fish? • Appearance-wise I think he doesn’t really care as much as he wishes he could, he keeps his hair and nails nice and clean but that’s like… very basic hygene stuff.

Mammon: • His self care routine includes ordering packages at 1.24AM. • Just the excitemenet of new stuff arriving soon puts him in a better mood! • He also cares about appearance as his side job is being a model. He is not afraid to use more expensive lotions, shampoo, etc. It has to be expensive but doesn't have to be quality if you get what I mean. • Him and Asmo brush their teeth most often (up to 2 times a day) • I’m 100% sure he would love the feeling of driving aimlessly at night with his favourite music on!

Leviathan: • I feel like he is the one who needs advice on this topic. • Yes he orders stuff sometimes but he is conscious about it, it was a well thought-out decision he made. Him deserving it wasn’t really the intention. • I think sometimes he takes a long bath, by long I mean about 2 hours, and that’s pretty much it for a month.

Satan: • He learned the most from Asmo; he is very well avare of how many lotions, masks, oils, creams there are and he tried a lot of them. • His favourite are hand creams, which he uses every day. • Sometimes he puts on a face mask with Asmo but to be fair it happens like 4 times a year so it doesn’t actually do much to him. • Otherwise I think he also enjoys a rocking chair on the porch, perhaps in the garden (not where all the bugs are though!) with an enjoyable book and some non-sparkling beverage.

Asmodeus: • His list is basically endless, so just a list of some he does every day / often: • Has to wash his hair 3 times a week, uses shampoo, balm, oil and is very strict about how to dry it. • Has a lotion specific to each part of his body, except his face because you can’t have enough variety of face-serums. • Takes long baths but careful! Too long is just as bad as too short!! • Likes to sunbathe in moderation on Dia’s beach • Having his daily beauty sleep no matter what • Goes shopping on the regular

Beelzebub: • Best bet is him making his comfort food and offering you some • Works out a lot of course, a heathy body is a must! • I feel like he is also into reading personal growth books? Like how to be a better person, how to be more in-touch with you emotions, how to heal from this and that • His place of self-care also includes your embarace. Pls just cuddle with him. That’s enough of selfcare itself.

Belphie: • Ah…about self-care… • Well I guess some extra sleep counts as such? • Loves to chill under the stars, very quiet and very peaceful place to be at. It really does calm his mind • Honsetly I think he is even worse than Leviathan • Please make him brush his teeth and comb his hair • Can change a lot if you influence him though!

Diavolo:

His tips are so extravagant you can't really try them alone...

Like ah! Just go on a cruise! Have a wellness weekend by yourself! Try some rare dishes!

Thank you bby i appreciate

He does take care of his skin and body and also his mental state through working out, quality lotions and self-help books, articles.

Barbatos:

Definitely bakes when feeling like he needs self-care right now!

He is more of a spa kind of guy, though obviosly he rarely gets the chance to enjoy such things.

Honestly he functions on the bare minimum, pls help him

Simeon:

Also well-read regarding self-conscious stuff so if you need advice on it please reach out to him! As a teacher he is going to be able to explain it easily.

Not much into appearance somehow?? Like yeeeah nail, hair, teeth always nice and neat but doesn't go the extra mile.

He'd be into coloring books to help him be in a relaxed kind of state! Though that is something only Luke knows about.

Solomon:

This man is a mess regarding self-care to be frank.

I mean he usually does as he wants, that's not the issue here. He just doesn't really treat himself as priority?

Okay he does care about the basics but sometimes he skips a day or two. He genuinely forgets to brush teeth for example.

More into the spiritual kind of self-care, mental state, personality, you get it.

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starsurface · 3 months

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^ This was the request above!! :D

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG MK11 Hanzo & Kuai Liang w/ MK1 Regressor Bi-Han Hcs

If we ignore the amount of CHAOS that would happen if MK11 and MK1 crossed universes, I think Kuai Liang would really like Bi-Han (he'd probably really like the entire Lin Kuei trio, ngl)

But Bi-Han? He's special, that's his brother in another universe, one where maybe he isn't fully corrupted by Quan Chi, one where he could be saved

Hanzo liked this Bi-Han because he hasn't hurt Harumi yet (does keep an incredibly close eye for weeks though)

Bi-Han on the other hand? He doesn't mind Subzero Kuai Liang, as he's a fellow Lin Kuei and a Grandmaster, but thinks he runs his clan weak

And Hanzo? Makes fun of him a bit, he's like 14 in his universe and rubs it in his face a bit

Kuai Liang notices the stressors that begin to make his own brother effect Bi-Han, and is very dead set of on making sure he's okay

He babies Bi-Han a bit too, shoulder pats, soft smiles, praises for simple things (he does still treat him as Grandmaster and a warrior though)

Hanzo does the same, dang it!!! It's like they're both set on destroying his title as Grandmaster?!

It makes Bi-Han feel . . . small, he only receives some of these things when he's tiny

And it doesn't help that Kuai Liang and Hanzo are nice, decent people, strict warriors, but stepping in for Father figures quiet easily for anyone who needs

They find out about Bi-Han's regression by complete accident

Kuai Liang insisting that Bi-Han should be checked up upon adter he screams at someone and angirly stomps to his room (an outlash from overworking and working with stupid people)

Hanzo following his husband around to make sure he doesn't cross any lines by accident (he needs some reminders that this isn't his Lin Kuei)

They end up finding a tiny Bi-Han, who was trying to read his book, playing with his stuffie and sucking his thumb

. . . There was a lot of yelling and crying (mostly on Bi-Han’s part)

It only stopped when Bi-Han tried to hit Kuai Liang and Kuai caught his wrist and told him sternly that he can’t hit people and it got Bi-Han to pause his little tantrum

Hanzo gets tantrums very often (as does Kuai Liang’s Bi-Han) and he used his old tricks to help him calm down

How? Many tricks, the candle fingers, punching a pillow, crying into Kuai Liang’s chest

Hanzo helps too, warming up his body temperature so Bi-Han can sit on his lap and rock him (it actually really helps Bi-Han stabalizd his emotions)

Bi-Han did completely ignore them afterwards, although they received a small thank you note and a gift

Afterward, Kaui Liang and Hanzo took more of a parent role for them (and the other brothers)

Bi-Han will sometimes sheepishly come to them while small, maybe even venture to their universe!!

Kuai Liang helps encourage Bi-Han to coke outside more while he's regressed

Whether he's in the Shirai Ryu Gardens, or Kuai Liang's Lin Kuei Snowy Gardens

^ Bi-Han is super hesitant to venture outside while small, but is slightly awed by How accepting both their clans are (his clan isn't there yet, unfortunately)

Bi-Han likes having little snow days at Kuai Liang's Lin Kuei

But it has to be in Kuai Liangs secret little garden area!! >:(

Bi-Han really likes Hanzo's hugs (they're warm) and will shyly tug on his gi to sit on his lap

Bi-Han's tried to regress in the Shirai Ryy Gardens, but he didn't like how passers by would wave or look at him (they werent judgy, it's judt not often that Grandmaster Hasashi has friends over)

His fishies were cool though, hes have to tell MK1 Harumi to get some

Also agreed that Blubber was a stupid fishy name and received many headpats from Hanzo :D

Both realize very quickly that Bi-Han is more of a calmer regressor (favorite activities being coloring and taking a nap)

So Hanzo and Kuai Liang make sure to have extra paper and crayons at their place just in case

Bi-Han got incredibly upset when he came over one time and found his drawing on the fridge >:/

Excuse me, someone could see that?! Why would they dare put that up?!

They took it down . . . Only to place it in their room (Bi-Han really can't win over here 😮‍💨)

Both Hanzo and Kuai Liang try to do little shows with their powers!!!

Kuai Lianf makinf small snowflakes, Hanzo making small flames

Its be perfect, if it wasnt for the fact that Bi-Han is now super insidtant that he can do what they do

. . . This causes a small . . accident that involves ice, a now frozen dressor, and a sobbing toddler

Bi-Han didn't get into too much trouble, Hanzo wasn't able to fully fix the dressor (it got broken and scratched), ans Bi-Han had to serve one of his first ever timeouts

^ They did make sure to tell gim that they didn't hate gim, and it was a mistake, and he wasn't naughty or a bad boy (Bi-Han usually freaks out badly at timeouts, but also understood thar he couldnt get Scott free with what he did)

He did repay them from the dressor, Hanzo and Kuai Liang told him he didnt have to, but he felt really bad, especially since they told gim he cant use his powers when hes that tiny anyhow

Hanzos better at deciphering Bi-Han's nonverbal ques slightly better than Kuai Liang

Kuai Liangs really good at it too!! Hanzo just picks up on them faster

Bi-Han's been staring at his sippy cup for a few minutes? It might need to be refilled, first one to notice wins (it turns into a small game between the adults)

They get Bi-Han some little gear too!!

. . . It caused Bi-Han to freak out, and it's kept in the MK11 universe, but he's really happy to have some new things

He was very adimate that if they were going to buy him a baby cup, it might as well be a sippy cup, not some stupid bottle

But, uh, Bi-Han actually really likes using bottles (drops his sippies too often) and both men are more than happy to bottle feed him around nap time

^ Hanzo was the first one to ever bottle feed Bi-Han, Bi-Han was really fussy around nap time and hey, it worked with Takeda when Takeda was tiny

Bi-Han gets really embarrassed at the action . . . But also demands for him to do it because he doesn't like falling asleep without the action

Kuai Liang does it too, Hanzo was just the first (Kuai Liang looks so proud when he's doing it though that it makes Bi-Han fuss until he's happily drinking his milk)

Hanzo’s cg nickname is Papa

And Kuai Liang’s cg nickname Dada

Bi-Han gets many nicknames, Bi-Bi, Little One, Sweet Thing, Tough Guy, Grumpy Pants

Bi-Han HATES Grumpy Pants >:(

Hanzo called him it once (a nickname he learnt from his Johnny) and Bi-Han pouted for hours afterwards . . . Which proved his point, but whatever 🙄

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Hope these are okay!! The ideas really cute, I like cross timeline stuff. I can always do more or a pt 2!!!

(I'll add the emojis when I'm not at the dentist and doing Tumblr from my phone <3)

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friends-to-lovers-tournament · 11 months

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Friends to Lovers Tournament: Round 1, Side A, Match 9

propaganda under the cut!

Iruclarazz:

LISTEN THEY ARE THE OT3 TO BEAT ALL OTHER OT3's LIKE THEY HOLD SO MUCH POWER!!!

1. THEY ARE SO FUCKING FLUFFY AND COLOURFUL AND PURE AND ADORABLE AND—*chokes on emotions* anyways they're literally the most wholesome and supportive of all ships like i can't even begin to summarize how much they care for each other

2. THEY CANONLY CALL EACH OTHER SOULMATES and even if clara and azz don't understand what a soulmate is (they're demons) they're just happy to be close to iruma.

3. whenever one of them is upset or bothered, the other two form a team and they go ALL OUT to lift the third person's mood!!! they try to solve the problem but if that's not possible, they just stay with that person and try to make them feel better so that they can face their problem with a better mood and more strength

4. they're ALWAYS together. and none of them are bothered by it!! and instead of being toxic about the need to stay close, they establish boundaries! like they have their own secrets they can't tell the others and that's totally fine! no pressure at all in their squad

5. listen these three help each other become better people!! like they bring out the best in each other and it's the most wholesome, encouraging, healthy, lovey dovey ship ever!!! like clara becomes more responsible despite her need for chaos bc she wants to make sure azz and iruma can depend on her! azz stops putting up walls and allows people to approach him because he wants to get involved in the other two's lives! and iruma learns how to set boundaries with these two where he could never say no to anyone!! like if that isn't the most awesome and perfect relationship idk what is!!!

6. one tol and two smols that's all.

THERE IS JUST SO MUCH MORE IN CANON THAT SHOWS HOW AWESOME THESE TRIO ARE AS AN OT3 BUT YEAH IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL POLY SHIP I'VE EVER SEEN IN MANGA!!!

Sunnflower:

ok listen their relationship is extremely important to the plot of the game so they get a lot of focus and a lot of the stuff they say abt each other is like????? bro thats kinda fruity ngl??????? theres like. a lot of stuff i could say about them. like a lot. too much actually

so instead ill just, idk summarize their relationship and then give some fun facts abt them

Sunny and Basil are best friends! They're shown to be very close to each other, closer than they are to the rest of their friends. They rely on each other to listen when they need to vent, and like to read books together! Before the events of the game, Sunny and Basil become involved in an incident that basically tears their friend group apart. Basil keeps the secret of their involvement from everyone because he cares too much about Sunny to let him get in trouble. They then don't talk for four years, and spend the entire time pining for each other!

Basil hopes for four years that Sunny will finally come back to him, meanwhile Sunny has retreated into a perfect dreamworld he uses to cope. All of his friends are there, and everyone is happy, and the dreamworld is full of things Basil loves. The most common food item is tofu(Basil's favorite food), there's an entire race of plant creatures that adore tofu(Basil likes to garden + his favorite food), his garden in the dreamworld is huge and has lots of flowers that represent each of his friends! Also, an important NPC says this abt Sunny and Basil's relationship: "He is special to you. A string of fate ties you together." A string of fate you say? Hmmm, I wonder why they phrased it like that...

Also, when Sunny and Basil finally do start talking again, Basil says stuff like this: "W...Wait... P-Please, SUNNY... Don't leave me... Not again..." "After all this time... you've finally come back for me. But... tomorrow... you're going away. H-HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!?!? That's mean, SUNNY. That's so mean!" Yeah... he's not doing too well...

But don't worry! After a year or two of therapy I'm sure these two can have a happy, healthy relationship!

Obviously I have a lot more to say abt them but it's all literary analysis and context clues and stuff, I just wanted to point out the more obvious stuff!

#friends to lovers tournament #welcome to demon school iruma kun #omori #iruclarazz #sunnflower #iruma suzuki #asmodeus alice #clara valac #omori sunny #omori basil #polls #tournament polls

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