#TL;DR as a person I don’t really like him all that much but as a character I think he’s really neat and chilling | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

linklethehistorian · 1 year

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Linkle, I must know, what are your thoughts on Mori as a character? His actions and motivations?? Id love to hear your opinion, btw that last chapter of cherish was great!! I loved it so much!!!

Ahhh hello there, anon, thank you so much! 🥺😭💕💖🥰 It’s such an honor to get a message like this from someone who is reading the fic. 💕🥺💖🥰💕🥺💖🥰 I’m so glad you liked Chapter 12; it definitely has one of my own personal favorite scenes, tbh (but I won’t take up your time talking about that right now lol). Having a fan base for Cherish is truly lovely; I’m so blessed by each and every one of you. 🥺💖

As for your question, I’m always happy to share!

Before I say anything at all on my opinion, though, I’m first going to make it clear that I am completely setting aside that one…particular matter that has been discussed to death by the fandom for the moment, because I fear far too many people tend to forget that it is entirely possible to make any remotely positive commentary on a fictional character without that actually somehow meaning you condone his alleged…preferences. For the people in the back that need to hear this out loud to be set at ease: I in absolutely no way do.

Now with that out of the way for a bit, let’s talk about the rest of Mori. I’ll throw it under the cut, though, both for length and for potential spoilers of multiple light novels (Dark Era, Fifteen, Storm Bringer, etc.) and obviously the manga up to his last appearance in current arc. Oh and obviously the typical Mori-related trigger subjects. Yeah.

Honestly, on a general note, these days I think Mori as a character is super cool; I’m not sure where precisely I’d rate him on the list of characters because I honestly like nearly every character in BSD and think they’re pretty awesomely written, but on a general scale of 1 to 10, he’s a very solid 8 or 9 for me.

My first introduction to him was…admittedly not at all the best possible representation of him.

When I first joined the fandom, I began my journey through the series by watching the anime adaption of Dark Era, at the behest of a dear friend who said I would be best off doing so before I watched the rest of the show (of which there were only two seasons at the time) and then reading the manga, in order to get the best and most meaningful experience; it is not something I remotely regret, and in honesty, I would probably wholeheartedly recommend any new people to do the same, if they intended to start with the anime. Regardless, though, this decision did have the impact of making me immediately strongly dislike Mori as a person from the very start, given what he did to the orphans, Oda, and Dazai by extension.

Really, I wouldn’t say that I came to see him in any particular shades of grey motivation-wise until I watched the episode titled Double Black, in which there was the first reference of what would have become of the Port Mafia and Yokohama as a whole had he not usurped the throne to the organization so many years ago.

After that, I began to look at him with a bit more understanding and curiosity, horrible and ruthless though his nature may still mostly have been. Fifteen (specifically the light novel, NOT the anime) — which it should be said, I think is the best existing canon representation of Mori in terms of giving us a good look at his thoughts and motivations — only amplified that outlook and interest for me, and I think it alone is largely to thank for why I enjoy him as a character as much as I do in current time.

Although he’s definitely not someone I’d feel particularly comfortable writing an entire story solely around — as I don’t believe I’m expert nor absurdly passionate enough to do so compared to some genuine Mori fans that I know are out there out there — I nevertheless really, really do enjoy writing him, especially in Cherish (which is only the second time I’ve written him, if I’m honest — at least, in anything I’d consider publishing, anyway).

There’s just so much potential in him plot and personality-wise; he is incredibly flexible of a person in terms of his thoughts, mannerisms, motivations, and actions, which makes it super fun to explore and play around with when telling a story. I’d say he easily has one of the most fun personalities among the BSD ensemble, purely because of utterly unpredictable it can be; on one hand, he has moments where (at least outwardly) is capable of being extremely friendly, outgoing, generous and unassuming, and yet on the other, he is very much always inwardly observant of all that is going on around him and capable of quickly switching to being cold, calculating, and openly cruel at the drop of a hat. But even then, usually, his cruelty doesn’t come in the form of physical violence; it’s often emotional manipulation, intimidation, taking your fears and weaknesses and using them against you to get him whatever he feels he needs in the present moment. Sometimes, it isn’t even outwardly visible that the switch of gears happened; he knows how to poison you in the sweetest and most unassuming yet effective way possible — whether that poison is literal or metaphorical. He’s definitely the kind of person who could sing you to sing to sleep every night and kiss your cheek every morning even as he’s secretly plotting your demise. lol

That being said, I think a lot of the fandom, in their hatred for him as a person, tends to mischaracterize him a lot, rather than looking at it objectively. I’ve seen a lot of fics and general fandom takes that portray him as a sadistic person who is cruel simply for the sake of being cruel and does terrible things to others purely for the enjoyment factor, but that is 100% not who Mori is; canonically, Mori does what he does mostly, if not entirely, out of what he feels is necessity as the leader of the organization. Now, I’m not saying there may not be parts of him that enjoy certain things he does — it’s certainly more than possible, and even highly probable — but his actions as godfather are driven by achieving what he feels is the optimal solution, not by personal pleasure and amusement; as a matter of fact, in Fifteen, he even made it clear when speaking to Chuuya that he fully acknowledges a lot of what he does is morally reprehensible — he just feels that it is his duty to commit these atrocities for the ‘greater good’ of the organization, and that the end therefore justifies the means.

The thing is, there is a character in BSD who is exactly the way this portion of the fandom characterizes Mori, and he was even a member of the Port Mafia, so if people really wanted to canonically explore this dynamic of a character who wholly gets off on tormenting people, causing suffering and probing others’ heads rather than doing it as just a business practice, they absolutely could still do it and be true to canon by writing about said other character; it’s just that it’s not a convenient truth that a lot of the fandom wants or likes to face — because that would mean acknowledging that it was everyone’s beloved Dazai and not the oh-so-despised Mori who used to think in such a sick and twisted way during his days in the criminal underworld.

Granted, some people do write both characters very well and very accurately, and I applaud them, but I do find it frustrating when the fandom reduces either Mori to this purely evil, sadistic villain who is bad just for the sake of being bad, because he is so much more interesting as he truly is in canon.

It’s this dichotomy where his dedication to the overall well-being of his people and company is admirable and even understandable, yet at the same time his individual actions when you look at them from a moral perspective are pretty much all morally reprehensible in some way, shape, or form — if not in every way. The same is true of his time in the army; as a general concept, his desire to protect Japan during the Great War was on the whole admirable and understandable, we know that he was well-meaning about it, but at the same time, no matter how desperate the situation was, what he did to Yosano and his entire army was absolutely disgusting and unacceptable — especially because it came so easily to him to do it and he made no apologies for it nor expressed any guilt over the suffering he caused later on.

Do I think Mori is, on the whole, a good person? Absolutely not. Do I think that he sometimes has the best of intentions in mind with his schemes? In the grander scheme of things, yes; it’s just that he mostly doesn’t care who or how many he has to hurt to achieve that so long as it’s slightly less than his net gain from doing it, which in turn cancels out things enough to prevent him from ever being labeled as being or acting as a “good person” at any moment.

I think the best, most objective description of him is to say that he’s pragmatic and ruthless.

…And then obviously there’s the part that everyone in the fandom discusses to death — about the main universe version of him being into little girls. Not a whole lot to say about that; it’s gross, it’s wrong, it’s unforgivable, it’s morally reprehensible, and it’s chilling and disturbing and it definitely completely disqualifies him from being labeled a good person even if he had been able to earn that title from something he did somewhere along the way.

That being said — and I know this is probably going to be controversial to a lot of the fandom, so let me say upfront that I’m not saying that that isn’t 100% a valid and understandable reading of who he is and the way he feels based on all the evidence throughout the series, nor am I trying to convince anyone otherwise — purely because it is fiction and therefore all made up to begin with, at least for my own personal comfort, I typically choose in my own personal readings to just look at him as someone with a particular weakness for little girls because he’s fatherly — although I make no effort to claim that to be the objective truth, nor does such interpretation affect or influence any of my writings in any way; it’s simply the way I prefer to engage with BSD on my own personal time — outside of my writings.

As a matter of fact, in my one fic, Bittersweet Belief, he was intentionally written with the intention of being portrayed as a groomer, and in Cherish, his ‘tastes’ will be portrayed no less nor more suspicious than how they are in canon, and therefore it will never be fully, directly addressed, but may be interpreted however you wish.

I do not need people coming to me providing evidence of why they believe there is no way to look at it differently, as again, I am not arguing that it is objectively untrue in any way that Mori is written to be a pedo in BSD, and when in public spaces among other people talking about it I don’t even try to say otherwise, much less convince anyone of it. I understand fandom etiquette and I am not trying to erase anything about him from others’ perceptions in order to make him more “likable”. I am just engaging with BSD, whenever I am personally reading it and watching it, in the way that is more comfortable for me. Nothing more, nothing less.

Anyway, yeah, Mori’s a super fun character to write and observe in the BSD world! I think there’s a lot of depth to him and he’s very well-written — probably among my top past antagonists purely for the super interesting personality and the purely pragmatic outlook to life and business.

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blluespirit · 2 months

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okay first three episodes thoughts

good

bending is cool as fuck

sozin’s actor does an amazing job at full crazy but calculated

scenery is STUNNING

monk gyatso made me cry. idk why i just saw him and wanted him to give me a hug so bad

APPA ACTUALLY LOOKS GOOD AND NOT LIKE A LITERAL MONSTER

i wasn’t sure how id feel about them showing the air nomad massacre but i think the importsnt thing is that they showed it was a massacre - and that although they can defend themselves, they don’t have the ability to fight back like an organised army would bc they’re pacifists! they attacked a peaceful group

the abandoned fire nation ship in the southern water tribe looks so fucking cool

ARTIST ZUKO???!!! LETS GOOO

Dallas does an amazing job at getting across Zuko’s intense desperation

I actually ended up loving all the Sokka and Suki interactions sm it was so cute and wholesome

Katara is perfect i will kill and die for her

Azula’s opening scene being her manipulating those people trying kill ozai ultimately leading them to getting burned alive by him and smiling - literally so fucking good. she is the best villain in history of forever

really good move having the mechanist (Sai!) and Teo be in Omashu imo. having them destroy the northern Air Temple so carelessly always pissed me off

THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS ARE LITERALLY PERFECT I AM SCREAMINGGGG

I was wondering how they were going to introduce the Mechanist and Jet in a limited amount of episodes but I like how they combined the two stories

Also Sokka absolutely nerding out in the Mechanist’s home is so important to me

Zuko getting has ass beat by that lady for fighting Aang is literally so funny and reminiscent of the goofy aang vs zuko fights we see in season 1 (to be clear: i adore zuko. this is NOT hate on him)

Zuko losing shit about his notebook and trashing his room and then outing himself as a fire bender in Omashu is so perfect. god i love him so much. it’s very season 1 zuko. it’s giving I DONT NEED ANY CALMING TEA!!!

things i was not a fan of: (some of these are a little pedantic i’ll admit)

Exposition is a little is a little janky but i’ll forgive it i guess bc at least it isn’t egregious as The Movie That Shall Not Be Named

Aang leaving just to get fresh air/clear his head and intending to come back is a silly change to me. all i keep thinking about is the storm where we got those epic Zuko and Aang parallels which now doesn’t really work and also takes away a lot of Aang’s depth. A good change adds to the story, but personally this seems to take it away

WHY would they not make Katara the one to bring him back from the avatar state? just seems like a strange choice to me? not saying this from a shipping point at all but that moment is a big step to their bond/friendship especially since they have only just met

Still don’t understand why they made the head of the village Suki’s mum. like i don’t think it’s a terrible choice but they still could have let them have a mother/daughter bond but still let Suki be the leader without any implications of nepotism. it mostly seeems silly

tl;dr - really enjoying it so far!

#avatar the last airbender #netflix atla #netflix avatar #zuko #katara #sokka #aang #suki #iroh #ozai #jack talks #live action series

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byoldervine · 1 month

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The Trick To Writing Filler

(TL;DR at the bottom)

Filler is when you spend a chapter padding the length of your story between plot-related events. Filler chapters have little to no impact on the overarching plot and can be self-contained, and thus in TV shows filler episodes are often reran the most as people unfamiliar with the show can casually watch without being confused without the knowledge of prior plot beats

So with the chapter being largely self-contained and acting outside of the plot, what do you use to make the filler chapter engaging? I’m going to use filler episodes from Avatar: The Last Airbender to provide examples

1. Worldbuilding. Zuko Alone depicts Zuko’s travels taking him through an Earth Kingdom village and becoming acquainted to the family that allows him to stay with them, especially their young son. He learns about what the Fire Nation’s impact on this village has been; destroyed houses, families torn apart, constant robbery and other abuses of power and injustices. And even after Zuko defends the villagers and his new friend, he’s venomously cast out from the village by even the little boy because he outed himself as a firebender. This episode explored the impact of the war on the people of the Earth Kingdom, the victims of war that have no involvement in it and no way of defending themselves from it

2. Character exploration. In The Beach, we learn more about Mai, Ty Lee, Azula and Zuko and how their own traumas and personal upbringings have impacted their personalities. For Zuko this is part of a turning point for him, but for the girls it’s more to understand why they are the people we’ve gotten to know over the seasons, especially Ty Lee and Mai. The episode also serves to showcase how Azula and Zuko are so out of place being just normal teenagers; Azula has no idea how to talk to her peers and no identity outside being Princess Azula of the Fire Nation, while Zuko’s hotheadedness and jealousy issues lead him to lash out and be far too confrontational and controlling for his own good. This episode isn’t really used to develop these characters, or at least not the girls, but instead explains and showcases their behaviours and the reasons behind them

3. Character development. Going back to The Beach, Zuko does indeed receive development rather than just character exploration like the girls do; he comes to understand that he’s not just angry at the world or angry in general, but angry with himself. This is a notable turning point for Zuko’s redemption arc, because he now understands fully that he truly regrets betraying Iroh and sacrificing his new start in life in favour of returning to the Fire Nation. He might not yet be fully decided on turning his back on Ozai, but without this moment I don’t know if he’d have gotten there, or at least not as quickly as he did

4. Relationship development. Sokka’s Master has a C plot of Aang, Katara and Toph all being rather bored and lost without Sokka’s presence. The A plot exploring Sokka’s feelings of inadequacy and uselessness in comparison to such powerful and formidable bending masters being contrasted with the Gaang unable to function without him already speaks volumes about their dynamics, but looking deeper into the C plot also shows how much value Sokka really does bring to the team; structure, planning, humour, a quick wit, strategic moves. The Gaang always supported Sokka and never seemed to view him as expendable outside of the occasional teasing, but having it acknowledged so clearly and plainly that they can feel a little aimless and flat without Sokka and being so delighted when he returns really shows us the kind of value Sokka brings to this team and brings us and the characters to further appreciate it

5. Downtime. The Ember Island Players depicts the characters taking a break to watch a comedic play based on their wacky adventures, only to be largely underwhelmed and displeased by how they’re portrayed. There are no stakes to this episode and barely any plot, just the Gaang taking a breather as they react to a bad play. This chance to relax and watch something inconsequential is just as important to the viewers as we’ve got the show’s finale in the next four episodes, which will be very plot-driven and intense. The Ember Island Players also has the additional viewer bonus of recapping the events of the show right before it all ends, giving the viewers time to reflect on the journey they’ve gone on with these characters. In order for the stakes to feel high and the tension to rise, there has to be downtime where there are low stakes and low tension; if things are intense all the time, the moments that are supposed to feel super intense will just feel average in comparison. Resetting that intensity right before such a big event while still acknowledging the looming threat coming soon will feel like the calm before the storm and allow your audience to soak it all up like the characters are

Wow, did I just go through all that without talking about Tales of Ba Sing Se? I’ll save that for another post if people are interested in more

TL;DR - filler provides a moment to breathe, reset the intensity levels the audience are experiencing and take a chance to step away from the external conflict (the overarching plot) in favour of worldbuilding and the characters within your setting. Small moments can amount to something big, and can help make large scale decisions or plot twists feel more build-up and in-character

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vaguely-concerned · 1 month

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Ever since watching The Wire for the first time, my brain has doggedly kept working away at the Especially the lies of it all, and specifically at how much the structure beneath the different stories Garak tells contributes to the overall meaning of what he’s trying to say. While the contradicting narratives of course expertly obscure the factual circumstances of his getting exiled, using them also allows him to tell aspects and facets of the emotional truth I don’t think he ever could have, if he’d simply told the actual story of what happened. (It’s very Varric-core of him honestly.)

The first story — the ‘oh, you think you know me?’ story — says I have done things that would sicken you if you knew any detail of it. It’s clearly meant to scare Bashir away so he’ll leave him to die shamefully in peace already lol. But it’s also one of his (probably much-needed lbr) little lessons to Julian that are so frequent in the beginning, given while Garak still has some hold on himself — “Don’t be so quick to forgive me if you don’t even know what I’ve done; what would you do if this really were the sum total of what I am?” (And Julian seems to surprise him by going ‘Well, exactly the same thing, because no matter who you are I am a doctor. But I sort of take your point.’)

The second story — the letting the orphans go story — says I have failed to smother my soul in its cradle when it was required of me, and I regret that more than anything I’ve done. To my ears this is the one most shot through with active self-loathing too, which is interesting. He’s officially lost the control he’s been clinging to and it’s about to get ugly. His TL;DR is ‘Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all’, even all the way back here. (Which is the one lesson Julian steadfastly refuses to learn, which I think in turn does some serious rearrangement of Garak’s soul over the course of the show haha. Get uno reversed into the process of loving and being loved without shame asshole.) This is also where he builds up to admitting to having any sort of need for companionship or closeness at all and — so much worse — that Julian’s role in his life actually has fulfilled some of that need, and he’s DRIPPING with defensive venom over it b/c well I get it Garak vulnerability is scary it can take a person like that.

(I also feel there’s something honest and forbidden in ‘Suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless’. I suspect ‘actually… why the fuck are we even doing this???’ is not a welcome sentiment in an Obsidian Order water cooler environment, no matter what you’re saying it about lmao. The very first seeds of him deconstructing the things he’s been taught about Cardassia and his work might be hinted at here, though they of course take a looong time to come to any real fruition.)

The third story — the ‘Elim was my best friend’ story — says hey, remember that thing you said once, about how sometimes, you have to be loyal to yourself before you can be loyal to anything else? Well. guess what. I couldn’t even be that lmao. It also furthers that thread of being divided from yourself, split, that having ‘Elim’ as a separate person around in all versions of the story brings in. He’s in control of himself again, but he essentially hands his life and soul over to Julian to decide what should be done with them.

I’ve done horrible things and it finally caught up with me, I’m getting what I deserve → I let sentiment master me and the fact that I’m too weak to do what’s needed of me shames me more than the evil I’ve done → I fucked up. I betrayed myself and everything I held to, all for nothing, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. But it’s very nice that you’re here anyway, Doctor. (Wow. I didn’t realize quite how isolated and lonely that last one was before right now. The way Tain has shaped him really has just… locked him completely into himself, huh.) We can also see a movement through from a completely professional context in the first story, to an intensely interpersonal and internal context in the last one — even his fake stories spiral in towards intimacy, which I think is what he longs for here even if he can’t quite like. Touch that without the stories as a buffer yet, it’s clearly like touching a hot stove for him to interact with it too directly.

And you know what I find incredibly interesting the whole way through? Even on his deathbed, where he’s dying from the thing Tain had put in his head, he’s protecting Tain. He puts all the blame for where he is on himself (‘My future was limitless, until I threw it away’), even if he has to employ a strange twisty logic where he’s split himself into two to do it. Don’t get me wrong, Garak has done horrific things all on his own haha, but it’s notable that he almost isolates Tain from that. ‘Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand.’ Tain in Garak’s stories is this infallible implacable weirdly distant figure, even now. Indeed, as will make a lot of sense with the revelations further down the line, more than anything it seems the gaze of an abused child desperate for recognition looking up at an idealized (if not in any way nurturing) parent.‘He was retired at that point; he couldn't protect me’, Garak says, as if what he’d need protection from in the first place isn’t Tain himself lmao, as if Tain had no active part in any of this. He never lets blame touch Tain at all. At this stage he would rather consider himself a broken flawed tool than accept that the hands that have wrought and wielded him have ever had any fault in them. AND in the middle of it all, with plausible deniability, on death’s door and knocking meekly to be let in before he must finish the mortifying ordeal of being known and test the even more daunting possibility of being loved, Garak at the same time manages to drop the breadcrumb trail of clues to make it possible for Julian to find Tain if he so chooses and gets in the ‘sons of Tain’ thing too for future dramatic irony purposes. Truly he is the Michelangelo of lying. Every falsehood a multifaceted masterpiece. Elim ‘achieving a state of intertextuality in real life is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself’ Garak. I love him so much.

I think all of this is why “I forgive you. For whatever it is you did,” works so well, because it too works on a structural level. It’s such a deceptively multilayered response — it has the syntax of a joke, in a way, and it is kind of funny even under the circumstances, but delivered with such earnest warmth and fondness. It’s both recognition and acceptance (forgiveness!). It’s saying ‘I finally understand enough of what you’re trying to tell me beneath and through all that, in whatever way you’re capable of, I see you’ and ‘my answer hasn’t changed (bitch)’. The forgiveness Julian offers here is complete — on principle, and out of personal feeling and empathy (only one of which Garak deigns to respond to during the second story, where he calls it ‘smug Federation sympathy’, placing it more completely on the principle side than it probably is. ‘Dude you’re my friend please don’t just lie down and die in a completely avoidable way on me, who else is going to not only tolerate but actually gleefully enjoy me being annoying as fuck over lunch’ seems to be the subtext that’s a lot harder to acknowledge and invite in for both of them. And yet Tain seems perfectly clear on the fact that Julian is Garak’s friend, which, y’know. Must be fun living with the knowledge that Tain has eyes everywhere looming over you every day haha guess you’d just have to tune that out.)

Most of all — ’Don’t give up on me now, Doctor’... and he didn’t! He didn’t. Augh. Ow.

#garashir #elim garak #julian bashir #star trek ds9 #ds9 #star trek #ds9 meta #S2EP22 The Wire #alternate title: baby's first brush with unconditional love through unreliable narration lol #I'm not sure I got to say everything I want to in this/found the exact right words in places or hit all the nuances #but god help me I so desperately need this out of my brain to free up some disc space so go forth little meta haha be free #I'm sure I'll come back to you in time #meta #enabran tain #(derogatory)

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fuckyeahisawthat · 9 months

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I’ve seen a few metas now that describe Crowley as self-loathing and…that’s not quite it to me.

Crowley for sure has Issues. He has a lot of anger and doesn’t always deal with it in constructive ways. He is hypervigilant as all fuck, and the fact that he is almost always correct about the amount of danger he and Aziraphale are in at a given moment just reinforces that hypervigilance feedback loop.

He has the hair-trigger flight response of someone who has spent millennia dodging oppressive forces that are more powerful than him, and this makes him default to RUN even when on some level he knows that is not the right response to a situation. He’s very aware that there are a lot of people out there who can hurt him, and there is no one coming to protect him. The only option is to try to avoid the blow.

And he is absolutely terrified of rejection, for very understandable reasons. This also encourages him to have one foot out the door of a situation, to pretend he doesn’t care, because if you leave first and actually never cared at all then you can’t be hurt. He is painfully aware that good things can be taken away from him without warning, that love that looks absolute can turn out to be conditional, because that already happened to him.

But. As much as I love a self-loathing blorbo, I don’t think Crowley hates himself.

Sure he talks a good game about how he’s not nice. But I don’t think, for example, that he thinks he is unworthy of Aziraphale’s love, that he is not good enough for Aziraphale because he is a demon or for any other reason. Because as far as Crowley is concerned, angels and demons are the same! All that good and evil stuff is just names for sides. I think he is afraid, because he’s still not sure, after all this time, if Aziraphale feels the same way he does, and broaching that topic is an enormous risk compared to just staying in the ambiguously-defined status quo they have now. (And then he works up the courage to do it anyway, and seems to have his worst fears confirmed.)

FWIW, I don’t think Aziraphale thinks that Crowley is not good enough for him either. Not at all. But I think Crowley might think that Aziraphale thinks that after the end of s2. And that really stings, because as much as they both gave lip service to the idea of “I’m good, you’re evil,” I think Crowley always assumed that Aziraphale saw through that when it came to him as a person, that it was just something Azirphale said and not something he really believed about Crowley, and now he’s not so sure.

I also think Crowley believes he did not deserve his fall (hot take: none of them did) not because he is extra-special Good, but because that’s a fucked-up thing for someone who said they loved you to do. While he is clearly still dealing with the trauma of it, I think he knows by now: I shouldn’t have been hurt like that. I didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t my fault.

And so the horror of Aziraphale accepting the offer of going back to Heaven is partially I thought we both understood how this system works; I thought we were on our own side together and partially I can’t believe you’re going back to the people who hurt you and at least a little bit I can’t believe you’re going back to the people who hurt me. Do you think they were right?

(And Aziraphale doesn’t! He doesn’t think that! He thinks they were wrong, but he thinks they were wrong about Crowley, that it was an individual mistake and not a feature of a system that squashes questioning and nonconformity of any kind.)

I wrote a whole meta about “I won’t be forgiven, not ever” and “unforgivable, that’s what I am” in 2019 that I won’t rehash here, but tl;dr, I don’t think Crowley is saying that as a statement of his self-worth. I think he is saying, Heaven would never let me back in, and if they did, I wouldn’t go. Because I don’t want or trust the “acceptance” of people who don’t value me as I am.

And it’s part of the cruel dramatic irony of the Final Fifteen that one of the things that breaks them apart is that Crowley values himself enough not to go back to Heaven. Crowley, who we’ve seen will do almost anything for Aziraphale, says, No. I am not putting myself back in that abusive situation. You shouldn’t either; I really wish you wouldn’t; but if you do, I am still not going back there. Not even for you.

#good omens #good omens s2 #crowley #heaven #to be clear! crowley does not have a solution to their problems!#but he’s not wrong to hold on to that boundary and i’m proud of him #my good omens meta

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thestobingirlie · 3 months

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conformity in stranger things

(as we see it through the characters of steve, dustin and eddie)

dustin meets steve while steve is already heading down his own path — he’s leaving behind ideas about high school and relationships, and figuring out who he is without them.

steve, by season two, had already become disillusioned with the idea of high school, and power struggles, and being the most popular guy in school. which is why he doesn’t react to billy’s taunts.

despite what the fandom may have you believe, steve’s seasons long arc about his struggle with conforming to the person people expect him to be is done.

don’t get me wrong, steve is still hanging onto some ideas in s2, like pretending you don’t care to get girls, and seeing nancy as different to all his other girlfriends (though i personally think that speaks more to steve’s prior relationships than the way he views woman).

and so, dustin and their friendship play a major role in steve fully moving on from the concept of ‘conforming’. steve doesn’t want to change who he is to get people to like him, or love him!

and with dustin, he doesn’t!!!

they make up dorky handshakes, and give each other advice. they talk about girls and steve teaches him how to achieve his signature hairstyle.

their relationship impacts both boys, but neither of them are conforming. it’s pretty much the exact opposite!!! despite what some fans would have you believe steve and dustin have a positive impact on each other!!!

dustin doesn’t change who he is to impress steve! he’s just as dorky as before, and in fact imparts some of that dorkiness onto steve!! steve and dustin help each other to find who they are, and figure themselves out.

on the other hand.

eddie had a negative impact on dustin.

dustin in s3 is dorky. he likes science, and school, and building great big radio towers up hills.

dustin in s4 is failing classes, treating friends like shit, his hubris is at an all time high; all aided by eddie’s high opinion of himself and ideas about conforming.

see. when eddie talks about conforming, he doesn’t really understand what he’s talking about (which is why his fans don’t either).

when he criticised people for ‘conforming’, all he’s really talking about is people being interested in things he doesn’t like. parties. band. science. basketball. he looks down on them all.

he makes snap judgments, and reduces them down to stereotypes. we literally watch him learn this on screen!!!

we literally watch as he verbally recognises that he knew nothing about steve, and yet reduced him down to his interest in basketball.

and here’s where the irony comes in. eddie is literally leading the club on conformity.

everyone in hellfire wears the exact same thing, and he makes fun of the clothes they used to wear. he seats himself on a thrown, and judges anyone that wishes to come before him before he deems them worthy to play a game. he’s not accepting all losers. he’s literally telling them they’re lesser than as he stands on tables in the cafeteria, and then fights against erica playing with them… just because he thinks she has to prove herself to him first.

that’s the point of eddie’s character!! that his whole big speech at the beginning of the season is wrong. and we literally see how he’s wrong scenes later when eddie interacts with chrissy.

people watch eddie learn and grow as a person, and then reduce his character right back down to who he was when he was first introduced.

tl;dr — if one of dustin’s relationships is about conformity, it’s his friendship with eddie, not steve. his brother dynamic with steve is about the complete opposite. about reaching across dumb nerd v jock social divides and finding a family.

in looking up to eddie, dustin has let his other interests fall to the wayside. he’s snarkier, makes fun of steve more (just like he’s been watching eddie mock jocks for months), his friendships with the rest of the party are at an all time low.

and yet. some people would have me believe this is dustin’s truest self? who gets his mormon girlfriend to hack into his school because he’s failing latin. who mocks steve for ‘wanting to be a hero’ when just the season before he was prepared to die by steve’s side.

#steve harrington #dustin henderson #eddie munson #stranger things #my post

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alzirrx · 1 year

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So apparently I’m the only person that actually liked the Tyler/Wednesday dynamic, despite a couple things, so I’m about to make an entirely uncalled for essay defending them because I became very emotionally attached in the one night I spent watching this show

To start, I liked how awkward Tyler’s character was right off the bat, because I feel like you don’t see that kind of character type as love interests in much media. A lot of the time it’s overshadowed for the Golden Retriever or Angsty Brooding Type™, and it was really refreshing seeing a different archetype as a love interest. The way him and Wednesday coupled together was always kind of awkward and uncertain, but it felt kinda more real that way considering that’s how a lot of high school romances start out. I really loved the idea of a kind of “baby hold my flower” dynamic between the two, crazy obsessive outcast gf/laid-back supportive normie bf who makes posters to cheer her on during her rampages

On the flip side, once the reveal happened there was so much potential. I wanted his redemption so bad. I wanted him to go back to how he was, while also letting loose more on his more angry feral side while also getting a scene where he got to be redeemed. I was waiting for him to turn to their side any minute, with a speech afterwards about how yes his actions were bad, and while they weren’t his choice persay he just might have enjoyed them, but that doesn’t mean he never liked her! That was all him! Because in all honesty I liked his sweet and caring side contrasted with her cold unfeeling demeanor, although I do see many arguments being made in favor of the serial killer/serial killer stopper dynamic which could be explored

And in terms of canon: the date was adorable, well thought out and showed he actually knew her (like how a scary movie wouldn’t actually scare her: a chick flick would), the way he liked her dancing at the Rave’N, how he always brought her quads, the birthday cake + coffee, all the little sweet gestures of his

(I know that’s only the things he did- but this post is more about him than Wednesday)

I’m fairness, the “I thought you were sending signals” bit felt a little out of left field since she acted the same the whole time, but I’ve learned from experience that if you like someone and you hope they like you back, you can basically turn anything they do at all into a signal

All I’m saying is, ship what you want, but I feel that they worked a lot better than some people give them credit for, and if he hadn’t have been the Hyde they would’ve been really good together, and they still could be

TL;DR, Wednesday x Tyler worked and would also have worked better under different circumstances

#wednesday #wednesday x tyler #wednesday addams #tyler galpin #wednesday netflix

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torialefay · 4 months

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🥀 Mars in Sagittarius 🌒

bangchan as your boyfriend!!! (pt. 3, fighting)

(based on astrology) 🔞

✨bangchan x reader (f); angst, angst, angst;

(p.s. if you're here for the angst and not the astrology, scroll down to the star divider to start the story <3)

✨word count: ~ 6.1 k (i got carried away)

✨3rd part in a series!!! together, let’s take a look into chan’s natal chart to see what type of boyfriend he would be!

✨i will give a synopsis of what each chart placement means throughout the series (for all my non-astrology friends out there <3) and how that would affect channie in a relationship

✨ author’s notes:

(1) i am doing brief (just bullet points/highlights) astrological compatibility readings if anyone wants one! if you’re interested, message me your birth date, time, and location OR lmk your placements. i’m gonna limit the reading to include you x 1 skz member only! just specify who you’d like.

(2) the aspects in this reading are based solely on my opinions and interpretations! nothing about a person is set in stone simply because of astrology. please don’t use anything i say as canon :)

(3) tysm to @stayceebs97 for the ideas <3 you rock!

✨warnings: this part of the series is NOT sunshine and rainbows. it explores chan’s aggressive tendencies, which can be uncomfortable for some readers. also features a lot of cursing!

✨tl/dr: in fights, chan can be logical and wants to weigh all options. a lot of times, this does more hurt than good because it takes him a LONG time to bring up/respond to confrontation. he also has the tendency to project, which deeply affects him because he doesn’t want to admit that he is flighty (but he is low key high key). when things finally reach a boiling point, he tends to explode.

Mars in Sagittarius:

-Mars is the planet that is involved in aggression, plans of action, and how people approach confrontation.

-Sagittarius is a fire sign, meaning that they can have fiery streak when provoked. However, the sign is the mutable one out of the fire signs, which means that this isn’t always expressed, but really does come out when the same fiery reaction is brought out in another. This also means that in difficult situations, he CAN defer to the partner if they have really strong feelings about something, but if a conclusion cannot be met, he is comfortable in leading the conversation.

-Sagittarius is also the sign of action and adventure. They are known for not wanting to settle down. In aggression, this can translate into the tendency to be flighty- to take off when things get uncomfortable. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they will leave forever, but they definitely need their space if they want to calm their hot-tempered nature.

-Sagittarius is also heavily influenced by justice and fairness. They value honesty and being real. They typically do not respond well to poor treatment, or when they see poor treatment of others. They strongly fight against situations in which people are being advantage of or being taken for granted.

Other aspects in the natal chart to consider: 1st House in Gemini, 7th House in Sagittarius, 6th house in Libra

1st house in Gemini:

-The first house, also known as the Ascendant or the Rising sign, is all about how others perceive you. Often, it represents people’s first impression of you, as it is how you respond to unfamiliarity and can be a mask of how you present yourself in these situations. It is not necessarily your personality (this would be the Sun sign, of which Chan’s is in Libra), but it is a more superficial level that is very reactionary.

-Gemini is a mutable air sign that is represented by “the twins.” This analogy is used to represent the duality of a person, and how they can seemingly show different sides of themselves to different people. Geminis usually get a lot of flack for being considered “fake.” However, much like Libras, Gemini just want to be accepted and well-liked in society, so they will placate to what others want. However, unlike Libra, this can sometimes come across as disingenuous to people that do not really know the person. In a more positive light, they are seen to be very open-minded and curious people.

7th house in Sagittarius:

-The 7th house can be thought of as the opposite of the 1st house. It is about how YOU see OTHERS. The lens through which you initially respond to other people and assess them. This is also a more superficial response, but is a more reactionary one, again when in a new or uncomfortable setting.

-As discussed previously, Sagittarius is known for being a fun, open, and adventurous sign. They strongly value their freedom and independence. These people tend to get along well with others and are very sociable.

-A person with a 7th house in Sagittarius sees others in a very positive light. They usually see other people as new friends to be made and new experiences to have. However, people with this sign also see others as people who are flighty and sometimes unreliable due to their want for freedom. They can falsely believe that someone is going to “leave them” when the going gets tough, or that they cannot always trust that person to be there for them- even if that is not the reality of the situation.

6th house in Libra:

-The 6th house is the area of reconciliation. It is involved in how you respond to conflict and what aspects of life are needed to be settled in order for you to “forgive and forget.” This also represents the way in which a person approaches fixing the aftermath of an argument, if choosing to do so.

-We know from previous parts in the series that Chan is very much tied to Libra (it is actually also his Sun, Moon, and Mercury signs). Libras are known for being people pleasers and being well-liked. They also are associated with the balancing scale, meaning they truly value balance and harmony in their lives. They seek to attain this balance, as it is what keeps them sane from trying to please everyone all at once. Libras are very good at molding themselves into situations and meeting people where they are.

-Chan has several planetary placements in the 6th house. These include the Moon (ruler of emotions), Venus (ruler of love and beauty), Mars (ruler of aggression) and Pluto (ruler of reconciliation). This would most likely manifest in him needing to DEEPLY discuss the root of the problem in order to put a fight to rest. He has to satisfy this urge from the emotional, relational, and conflictive levels. He also has a strong desire to make amends, even if he doesn’t quite know how to initiate it or takes a while to do so. He will be in a very irritable mood until the issue is resolved.

As your boyfriend:

• You and Chris do not get into fights very often. Overall, his personality is very harmonious, and you typically get along very well in daily life. Down to the little things, he is often very understanding of you and wants to see things from your perspective.

• However, when fights do happen, it is most likely something he has been tethering with for a while or something that you brought up yourself.

• When Chan is mad, he doesn’t hide it well. When he’s upset about something, he will not talk about it right away. He will most likely resort to a blank or annoyed face, stop being talkative, and recluse to a different room. This can go on for hours or sometimes days until he feels like he is ready to talk about it (if he even does talk about it) or until you MAKE him talk about it.

• He gets most upset when he feels like he is being lied to or not being told the complete truth. He also gets very bothered when he feels like people he loves are being treated poorly. He HATES feeling like someone is trying to tie him down or keep him complacent when there’s something he really wants to go for.

• When something starts to bother him, he will start out being cold or distant, and will tend to run away from the problem. However, since he has a 7th house in Sag, he is likely to project this onto others. He starts to see them this way. One of his greatest fears is people leaving him, as he tends to be flighty himself. He has the mentality that he shouldn’t always bring up a problem, or it is okay to try to run from it, because other could leave him anyways if he made a big deal.

• I want to re-emphasize HOW MUCH of a problem this is for Chan. He deeply understands what it feels like to want to run and hide, but he is ashamed of it. Instead (due to 7th house also in Sag), he will project it onto you. He will think that if he talks to you when he is angry that you will leave him. That you will not speak to him. What he fails to realize is that it is he HIMSELF who does this, not the other way around. He justifies his moody spells and flightiness by thinking you would probably behave the same. He may even not see it as a big problem unless you extensively talk to him about it. It is a part of his nature (literally in his stars) to think this way, so he will need you to work with him on it.

• His Gemini placement in the 6th house hints that he can actually get pretty explosive when the blame is placed on him, especially if he thinks that it is unfair.

• His first reaction when getting into a heated fight can be intense- when it finally comes to a head, when he finally gets so worked up about it, he releases everything all at once. He can be loud and can say things he may not actually mean. With his Ascendant Gemini energy, he will know a lot about you and could bring up some things that he knows will deeply upset you. This is not his true intention, and this is not who he really is. It is a coping mechanism that he likely had to develop early in life. It is further exacerbated by the fiery energy of Sag in Mars.

• Again, you do not fight very often. Maybe minor disagreements here and there. But when there is a true fight, it is a BIG fight. A MOODY fight. Everything is laid out on the table and feelings will get hurt in the process. It may only happen a few times in your relationship, because eventually you both learn how each other operates. Chan learns that you are NOT going to leave him over a silly fight, and he learns to control his tongue (and stop saying shit he doesn’t even mean) when he gets to his boiling point.

• I want to make a point to say that Chan would never hit you, nor physically hurt you in any way during an argument. His chart does not suggest that at all. Any and all fighting would be verbal, or maybe even on an emotional level if distancing himself comes into play.

• After a fight, after Chan has exploded, he immediately feels remorseful. His Sun in Libra demonstrates that this is not AT ALL what he wanted or who he is. And although he prides himself for not letting many fights ensue, he can’t help but be ashamed at how he handles things once he finally explodes. He knows he has to learn how to open up more frequently about what he’s feeling, but it is very hard for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you about certain things because he thinks it will make him look “weak.” What Channie fails to realize is that once he overcomes this, simply talking with you about it before it bubbles over, can quickly put out any fire that he feels.

• Although Chan feels terrible after a fight with you, reconciling what happened is difficult for him. He has to look at the fight from all different angles to fully get over it. He needs to come to understand the emotions behind it- both his emotions and your emotions. At the end of the day, he wants and NEEDS to maintain this love. He will work very hard to try and understand your differences. He needs to get to the root cause. He also questions his aggressive nature and why he reacts the way that he does. Overcoming this is one of his greatest difficulties. But it can happen. And once you have both sat down and assessed the situation, he can finally come to terms that it will be okay. That he can do better, and that you are not going to simply run away because of your disagreement.

• Chan will spend daysss, weeks even, trying to make things up to you. He is deeply bothered by the way that he acts in a fight. He simply cannot handle any residual hard feelings over the careless words he let leave his mouth. He would spend the rest of his lifetime making it up to you if he had to. You were supposed to be his peace, his inner balance, and his comfort away from the struggles of his daily life… And this is how he treated you. It was in the heat of the moment, sure. But to him, it is still unacceptable. And he resents himself for it. The fact that you stayed with him, that you remained faithful to him, that you didn’t LEAVE him made his heart shatter. He knows you are too good to him, and he promises to do better for you too.

• Chan, like I’ve said a million times, KNOWS you. He knows your love language. And to make it up to you, he is going all out. You like acts of service? He is keeping the house spotless for the next month so you don’t have to lift a finger. You like quality time? He is canceling all of his plans to go wherever you want- maybe even go on a quiet trip together. If work doesn’t let him, he’s gonna ask you to tote along with him. He’s just happy knowing you’re happy. You’re more into physical touch? He is snuggling into you all hours of the day. Hell, even the night. If he wakes up and isn’t holding you anymore, he turns his ass back around to cup you in his arms. You experience love through getting gifts? He’s getting you that ring you wanted… actually he’s buying you one in every stone just to be sure. He’d buy you a fucking house if he could decipher which would be the perfect one. You love having words of affirmation? He will hold you next to his chest before bed, telling you what a perfect girl you are and how he can’t believe how lucky he is to have you. How someone like him could be so blessed by fate to end up with someone like you. How he would never be good enough for you, but he would die trying. How perfect you looked in this moment, natural and soft. How he can’t wait to make you his wife and the mother of his children some day. How unbelievable it would be to watch someone as pure, faultless, and beautiful as you give him a precious baby- because even if they… No, she. Channie insisted it would be a girl. Even if she carried on his last name, she would be able to keep her mother’s perfection.

• Chan has been watching you. He’s been watching you for weeks. He didn’t consider himself to be a possessive boyfriend, but just because he didn’t consider himself that doesn’t mean he isn’t one.

• You had both agreed to share your phone location with one another. What if something happened to you? What if your phone went missing? Neither of you thought much about it. You didn’t check it anyways.

• But Chan did. He had to. He wished he wouldn’t have. He’s been going crazy ever since.

• A little over 2 weeks ago, you had come home late from work. Later than usual… by a lot. It had been almost 2 hours past your normal arrival time. He wouldn’t have normally given it much thought, but you didn’t even text him to let him know. He thought it was weird, but he shook it off. You said you had ran to get some art supplies, evident from the bag in your hand, and got stuck in traffic afterwards. Channie believed it.

• It wasn’t until the next time you were late that he caught on. It was only 3 days after the first occurrence, and now here you were, 2.5 hours late already and still not home. He got worried about you. He texted. He called. Nothing. He started to think something was wrong. He quickly scrolled to your name in his phone and clicked on the “Location” tab. He was so scared.

• ‘Why are you at Felix’s apartment? And not answering my calls?’ He thought. He called you again. And again and again, to no avail. Shortly after, he saw the blue dot on the map moving, slowly headed back to the apartment you shared.

• He thought it was random, weird even, that you’d be at Felix’s place without him. But who knows. He was sure there was a reason for it. He knew you’d tell him. Only… you never did.

• “What took you so long babe?” He pried when you had gotten through the door and into the kitchen. You hoisted 4 heavy bags onto the kitchen counter.

• “I just had to stop and pick up some stuff to bake with. They were out of almost everything! I had to look around a lot.” Well yeah, you had all the essentials. Flour, sugar, baking soda, chocolate chips. He waited on you to say that you had stopped by Felix’s to grab what you couldn’t find at the store. He waited for you to explain that you’d just popped by his apartment really quickly because you knew he kept what you needed. But you didn’t say anything. Not a damn thing more.

• Chan could have prodded. He could have poked. He could have asked you what you were doing at Felix’s apartment. But he didn’t want to seem crazy. He didn’t want you to think he was trying to control you- he knew how much he would hate that too. He figured you had just forgotten to mention the little Felix detail. 'It just slipped your mind' is what he told himself. ‘It was such a small detail that you didn’t even think to mention it,” he reasoned.

• He still couldn’t deny that he was a bit upset though. He bottled it in as best as he could. He put up a good front and a good attitude and acted like nothing was wrong. And it probably wasn’t. But he quickly favorited the “Locations” tab on your page just to be safe.

———————————————————

• You were bolting to your apartment door as quickly as you could. You were out way later than expected again. ‘Fuck. Chan is gonna start to catch on if you don’t start being more careful’ you told yourself. You unlocked the door and put on a big smile to greet your boyfriend, who you hoped wasn’t busy. You had a long day and really just needed him to help you decompress.

• “Babe, I’m home!” you yelled as you made your way through the hall and to the kitchen and living area. You looked around and didn’t see him anywhere. No response either.

• “Baby?” You called again. You checked the bathroom and the back deck, but no sign of Chris anywhere. It wasn’t like him to be in his room already, but you’d seen his car parked in his spot, so you knew he had to be here.

• You pushed open the bedroom door. “Chris?” You peaked your head in. You saw his curly little head faced away from you in his chair, hunched over his laptop. “Oh there you are! I started to get worried when you didn’t answer me.”

• “I could say the same.” He spun his chair around. You couldn’t quite make out the look on his face. He was serious. Stern. Upset? You saw his jaw was clenched.

• “What are you talking about?” You questioned him, furrowing your brows and gazing down to look at him.

• “I don’t know, maybe check your phone.” His eyebrows were raised at you, slightly scowling. You pulled your phone from your pocket and unlocked it. You usually had it silenced when you went to visit Felix… Fuck. 6 unread texts and 3 missed calls.

• “I’m so sorry, I’ve had my phone on silent basically all day. I’ve just been slammed at work and was trying to get caught up. I should have called and let you know I’d be late again. I’m so sorry.” You could feel yourself start to sweat.

• “Where did you go after work?” he asked with zero emotion in his voice this time. ‘Play it cool, y/n. Play it cool,’ you coached yourself.

• “Nowhere. I was at work and then I came straight home.” God, you felt like shit lying to him like this. You crossed your arms, trying to lean your weight back and look relaxed. Suddenly, Chan stood up out of his chair.

• “Don’t fucking lie to me y/n.” He was only inches in front of your face now.

• “I’m not lying to you! Where else would I have been?” you huffed out. You tried to look upset back, to stand your ground and hopefully convince him that you were telling the whole truth. You tried, but you could barely stomach him yelling at you like that.

• “Where would you have been? Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe with fucking Felix! Does that ring a bell?” he yelled at you. He had turned a new shade of crimson you’d never seen before. His eyes were dark, like there was nothing left in them except for rage.

• You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t. Your mouth simply wouldn’t move. You couldn’t deny that you were with Felix because you were. But it wasn’t fair for Chan to be yelling like he was.

• He took your silence as his cue to continue his now rampage. “Jesus Christ! I’m not stupid, y/n! I’ve been watching you for weeks just come home late with some bullshit excuse why you weren’t home sooner, why you didn’t check your phone, why you’ve been ‘soooo exhausted’… I mean fucking hell, could you have made it any more obvious? So yes, YES I checked your location and goddamn it if you weren’t with Felix of all people! And surprise, surprise! Every time I texted him, he NEVER responded until your location tracker had left his building… Mmmm, isn’t that funny?” He let his eyes rise up towards the ceiling, tongue poking into his cheek before he scoffed at you. “I should have fucking known better. I should have fucking known… You know what? Maybe this was my fault. It was my fault for getting with a whore in the first place.” Your jaw dropped. There is no way he just said that. There’s no way he thinks that about you. He knew everything about you. He knew how you had struggled with your sexuality before meeting him. He knew how insecure you were in your body and how you went out seeking approval in the wrong ways. How you felt like you needed approval from men to not feel terrible about yourself. How you felt extremely guilty and disgusted by yourself for mistakes you’d made in the past because of it. He knew that was the part of you that you constantly tried to hide from him. He knew how it took you almost a year of dating him before you felt comfortable enough with him to talk about it. Out of everything he could have called you, he chose whore? That was a deep fucking cut. You stumbled backwards slightly, trying to find some way to get your mouth to start moving.

• “Yeah, you have nothing to say for yourself, huh? Pathetic.” This was the angriest you’ve ever seen him. You didn’t know he was capable of this scope of intimidation. He towered over you, like watching his prey before he made his next move.

• “It’s not what it looks like,” was all you could muster up the courage to get out.

• “It’s not what it looks like… It’s not what it looks like?! Then tell me what it fucking is because to me, it looks like my whore of a girlfriend is going behind my back and fucking my best friend. I mean, Felix used to talk about how hot you were before we got together, but I never thought he’d pull this shit.” He looked off and made an annoying smirk. He started to half laugh/ half scream. “This shit is fucking crazy! It’s just too fucking good!”

• Seeing Chris get so upset that he started laughing into it made you want to crouch into a ball in the corner of the room. You wanted to disappear. None of this was your fault. “Chris, just let me explain,” you sobbed. You couldn’t help it.

• “Oh look, now you’re crying,” he taunted you. “If anything, I should be the one crying. I mean goddamn it y/n. What didn’t I have? What didn’t I give you? You had to go off and get it somewhere else? And with Felix. Of course with my fucking best friend,” Still red as ever, you saw a single tear start to form in his eye.

• He looked down and to the side to stop you from seeing his broken expression. “I knew you would do this y/n. It’s not like I didn’t expect it. Just take advantage of me and then leave me like everyone else,” he was full-on bawling. You could hear it in his voice. He almost couldn’t get his words out anymore. “What did I do to deserve this?” He let his blood-shot, trickling eyes make full contact with yours.

• “Chris, you didn’t do anything. Just let me expl-“ you got cut off.

• “Don’t bother. Just go back out and do whatever the fuck you need to do to make yourself feel better. Obviously it’s not me. By all means, don’t let me stop you from doing what you want.” He all but spat in your face. “Not that you gave a fuck about me anyways.”

• You were stunned. Not stunned because you were scared, but stunned because of how WRONG he was. And how much disrespect he had just shown you. Who was he to cut you off when you were trying to talk? You had never been more furious in your life.

• “CHRISTOPHER BANG if you do not let me talk, I will walk out of this house and never fucking turn back, I promise you!” You screamed so loud you were sure the neighbors would hear. You didn’t care. You’d passed your breaking point and you would continue to scream as much as you damn well pleased. “Okay, yes, I admit it! I did lie to you! But not because I was CHEATING on you with Felix?? What the actual fuck?! Since you HAVE to know, we’ve been working on getting everything ready for the surprise birthday party that we were throwing YOU this weekend! I didn’t want to keep it from you, but we can’t have a surprise party without the fucking surprise!” you continued to shout. Chan’s jaw dropped open. His expression was blank. “Here I was thinking that I was being a good girlfriend, but apparently I’m just some whore to you! I can’t fucking believe you.” Scared of what else you would say if you stayed, you sharply turned on your heels to hurry out of the room. You quickly made your way to the bathroom, locked it behind you, turned the lights off and fan on. You leaned back until you could feel the cold wall behind you. You let yourself fall against it and slide down until you were sitting in the floor, bringing your knees up in front of your face. There was nothing left for you to do except to sob. Was this really your boyfriend?

• 10 minutes went by of nothing but tears. You were finally at the point where you had exhausted yourself of crying. You felt your tongue go dry. There was nothing left in you. All you could do was wipe the tears from your face and try to catch your breath. Deep breaths in and out. In and out. ‘It will be okay,’ you kept repeating to yourself.

• All of a sudden, you heard a tiny knock at the door. ‘Fuck off,’ you thought. You couldn’t be bothered to move a single inch.

• “Y/n? Please can you open the door? Please. I need to talk to you. I’m so sorry.”

• Silence was all you gave him. He wasn’t going to get anything else.

• Knock, knock, knock. He tried again. “Please open up for me. I need to see you, I need to apologize to you. I was wrong. Just please come out or open the door so I can come in.”

• You stayed radio silent. All you wanted in this moment was for him to go away. You just wanted to be left alone until you were exhausted enough to fall asleep and get out of this hell of a day.

• A couple more tiny ‘knock, knock’s could be heard, but they were much quieter this time. You heard a sniffle from the other side of the door. In a tiny strained voice, “Baby… baby please open up. Please, I’m begging.” You didn’t think you’d ever heard him in much desperation. “Y/n please. God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He started bawling. You could tell from the sounds behind the door that he had done just like you and had thrown himself into the floor, curling up against his knees. You could hear him quietly sobbing into them. You couldn’t explain it, but it made you feel even worse. To know that he was on the other side, feeling just as badly. You almost felt sorry for him. Almost. You could hear his hushed cries for at least 5 minutes before things started to settle down. It calmed you, but also made your heart start to race when the air was now filled with complete silence for the first time since you’d arrived home.

• You heard Chan sniff. You could tell he was trying to collect himself. Suddenly, you heard a tiny knock again. You didn’t respond. In the most diminutive voice you’ve ever heard, he whispered out, “I love you. And I am so sorry.” He sat there for a few seconds, contemplating if he should even keep going. Why would you care what he had to say anymore? He was the biggest asshole, and there was no coming back from that. He didn’t mean any of what he said in the slightest. All he knew is that he was hurt, so he wanted to hurt you back. God, he wished he didn’t. He wished he wasn’t the most useless human on the face of the earth. All he had wanted to find in life was you. He spent forever trying to earn you, to get you to give him the time of day, and now look at him. He was disgusted in himself. How could he ever come back from this? How could he ever come back from you? There was no coming back from you. It was either you or no one.

• He continued to whisper, to plea, to cry using only his voice. “I understand if you never want to talk to me again. I genuinely… I don’t,” you heard him blow out a slow exhale. “I don’t know what came over me. I know I need serious help, and I want to get it. It’s just- it’s just-“ the tears started to fall slowly. “When I thought about you with Felix… You, my perfect fucking girl, with another man… Someone else holding you. Someone else taking you. Someone else kissing your perfect little face…” he cried. “Y/n I just lost it. I saw red… And in that moment, nothing could stop me. If I wasn’t such a fucking idiot, I would have shut up. I would have let you talk to me about it. And I should have. But I am the absolute biggest fucking loser on this earth. I am so sorry. You don’t have to say anything, I just want you to know that I truly did not mean a single word of what I said. You are the most perfect person I have ever known. I am so in love with you that it hurts- it hurts to know that I caused you any pain at all, let alone this. I’m not asking you to ever forgive me, but just know that I will never forgive myself. I love you, y/n.”

• You remained silent again. You were trying to take in everything Chan had said, to try and store it all in your brain. But you were exhausted and could barely keep up. You listened as he began to cry once more.

• “If you want me to go, then I’ll go. I can find somewhere else to stay and you can have some peace,” he weeped and wiped at his eyes. “No matter what happens, just know that you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I will never love anyone the way that I love you. You will forever be the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last face I see before I close my eyes.” He was sobbing uncontrollably, his words now muffled, as he uses his hands to cover his face. “In my last days, when my body finally gives in, I will thank God for allowing me to have such a woman in my life, only if for a while. Your name will be the last word that I ever utter and your soul will be the last thought I ever have. I promise, y/n, it is a privilege to love you and I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel otherwise. I never deserved you in the first place.”

• He sat for another moment, and you could hear him take a deep breath, almost choking on the fluid collected in his throat. You heard a rustling motion as he pushed himself up slowly off the floor and then shuffle his way back to his room.

• He stopped dead in his tracks, sure he was being delusional. He turned his body back toward the path he’d just walked. He wasn’t delusional. The door was cracked open. “Baby? Did you do that? Is it okay if I come in?” He spoke softly towards you.

• “Yes,” you finally strained out. You told yourself that you shouldn’t do it. But you knew why you did. You loved him back. Everything he just said about you is exactly how you felt about him. You believed him when he said he didn’t mean the words he spoke to you. You also believed him when he said he wanted to get help. I guess more than anything, you believed he was truly sorry. You weren’t going to be able to live with yourself if you gave up on him like that- to live in a world not knowing whether this life with him could have been beautiful. To live in a world where you had to constantly think about him and if he still loves you as much as you love him. No matter how much your brain tried to make you say no, you just couldn’t. Not on him. That’s not how your heart works.

• He slowly eased his way inside the door frame, gently walking so as to not startle you. You could barely make him out with only a small amount of light from the hall peaking in, but you could always make out those loose curls. Seeing his beautiful, swollen, tear-covered face, you let out another small cry for yourself.

• “My sweet baby,” Chan extended his body down to you. He took your face in both of his hands and brought his face right to your level. He stroked your cheek with his thumb to wipe away a stray tear. He then tilted his head slightly up and yours slightly down, to leave the most gentle, lingering kiss on your forehead. You felt it burn into your skin. Not in a bad way. In a way that you had been craving it and didn’t even know until now. In a way that was searing away any wounds that you may have gotten. He pulled his face back and wrapped his arms around you tightly in a hug.

• “I love you baby. I’m so sorry. I will do everything I possibly can to show you that,” he whispered into the hair at the back of your neck.

• “You promise you didn’t mean what you said?” you whispered back, sniffling.

• “Pinky promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

• “Then I love you too,” you pulled him back off of you slightly. You wanted to make sure he could see the entirity of your face. “Which is why you are going to therapy.”

• He giggled like a small child. “I think that’s a good idea,” he smiled brightly. “How about we start that therapy with this?” He leaned in to join his lips with yours in the deepest kiss you think you’ve ever felt. Maybe this is therapy for you both.

Mars in Sagittarius

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communistkenobi · 1 year

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something I’ve noticed while rewatching other star wars properties after having watched andor is that it’s difficult to watch them without thinking about andor, almost as if andor has produced a new interpretive lens for the star wars universe. and I’m setting aside all comparisons of narrative quality or pacing or cinematography for a moment, because I don’t mean those things.

for example, rewatching the mandalorian, din’s amban rifle is really cool. it’s a weapon that is illegal to have in the new republic, and it functions not only as a mid-to-long range weapon, it also acts as a fairly heavy duty taser. now as I said, this weapon is very cool. I like it a lot! but its function and existence is meant to be separate from who din is as a person - the fact that he has a weapon that doubles as a taser is not meant to be a commentary on his character aside from “this guy is a badass.” to be fair, I think what it’s meant to be is a tool of his trade - he’s a bounty hunter, he hunts people, tasers are handy for that. but there is no larger observation being made about the type of person who would use a weapon like that, or the type of society that would produce a weapon of that kind. there is no discussion in the mandalorian about how the specific economic and social demands being made of din require him to use what is by all accounts an incredibly vicious (and outlawed) weapon to “just do his job.” that is a settled matter that is not intended to be part of the narrative arc of the story.

but in andor, a taser prod is used as a weapon by the prison guards in narkina-5, and in fact the entire floor the prisoners stand on acts as a kind of collective spatial taser. these are not just meant to be narrative obstacles for our hero to overcome, they are actively saying something about the institution that uses it - that the very fact of their existence is evil, that a society who produces those types of weapons are making a particular kind of statement about how they view control and punishment of the people they govern. tl;dr, andor is making that kind of weapon political, and is asking the audience to consider it not just as a tool of the empire but as an ideological expression of the empire itself.

and so to get to the point I’m trying to make, I think a lot of things in star wars are very much settled matters. while the canon seems to constantly be re-litigated and retconned, fundamental premises are not really considered questionable or up for debate, especially a lot of the established visual traditions. and I think what andor is doing is presenting the audience with these very questions - it is reinvigorating the politics of star wars by insisting that a lot more things in the universe are up for debate, that they are politically and socially produced by the fictional societies and cultures and governments that exist in star wars, and every piece of equipment and clothing and relationship says something about those fictional people. it is asking you to view star wars as a universe that is infused with political meaning, and that politics is not a discrete category that things like tasers or prisons or arranged marriages or administrative process can be separated from. to take down the empire in andor, you don’t just have to remove the head of state or kill all the stormtroopers; you need to destroy all the tasers, too

#sw.txt #mando.txt #andor #hm. not sure I’m making my point #like you can probably disagree with what I’m saying #it would be helpful if I remember more sw lore but I’m rusty #anyway I am going to take a shower. hopefully this makes sense lol #this is not a dunk on mando btw it’s just the example that got me thinking about this #I think on average mando skews more politically charged than not #although s2 dampens a lot of that. ANYWAY

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sharkboywrites · 7 months

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Hi, could I make a request for Ace, Leona, and Deuce (or just Leona tbh) with a gn or male mc? Tl;Dr: He tries to impress mc, but somehow does something super cringe worthy and messes up the vibe. Here's a more detailed explanation below, also so sorry if this doesn't make sense/is super long, I'm high and the idea came to me in a prophecy. Hope you're havin' a good night/day :)

He does something to try and impress mc and be romantic/cute. But what they do is actually super cringey to the point where it gives mc secondhand embarrassment. they're trying to be nice about it bc they love their bf, but it's super obvious that they're cringing and it's super awkward and funny (for literally everyone else). And maybe it ends with them laughing about it or something, but the idea just popped into my head and I thought it was funny.

A/n: omg I love this request. I really love Ace and Deuce they’re honestly some of my favorites (although I can’t really pick favorites). Also first writing from my phone because I can’t use my computer rn.

Ace, Deuce, and Leona x male reader, characters do embarrassing things trying to impress their boyfriend, reader is yuu

Ace Trapola

- If there’s anything Ace loves other than you, it’s basket ball

- It makes him feel confident and like he’s the coolest guy on the planet

- And so does his boyfriend. So what amazing idea does he come up with?

- Well why not combine both?

- And that’s how you go invited to one of his games

- In his mind, this is perfect, a basketball game with his amazing boyfriend cheering him on from the sidelines, what could be more perfect?

- Or that’s how he sees it…

- He’s not doing… great per say

- In reality he’s missing passes, Bradley able to catch a pass himself, and the sneaker squeaking is starting to drive you crazy

- But you sit there really, really, trying to be supportive

- The final straw is when he takes a shot and instead of going into the basket, it comes right back at him and hits him directly in the face

- Of course you run up to him and make sure he’s okay

- But once he confirms he’s fine, you can’t help but burst into laughter

- It takes you a minute to calm down and when you do Ace is all pouty

- He’ll be mad at you for a bit but he gets over it eventually

- And once he does he admits that yeah, he was doing pretty bad

- It’s now an inside joke between the two of you, you bring it up any time you can

Deuce Spade

- Deuce’s magic is… interesting

- He can summon massive things and personally thinks that it’s really impressive

- But really, it’s only useful in certain situation and when he can actually summon something on purpose

- He thinks that it would be so impressive to use his magic in potions to help you out

- The way he imagines it, you can’t use magic and you’ll be so impressed by his abilities that you’ll thank him by showering him with affection

- Let a man dream, okay?

- What actually happens is a disaster

- He ends up summoning the usual cauldron, which makes a mess of the project the two of you were working on

- You really did try to tell him it was okay, but on the inside it feels like you’re dying

- The both of you end up having to clean the mess and have to start the project over

- The two of you bud up in his room at the end of the day, him with his face in his hands and you doing your best to comfort him just because he’s so embarrassed

- But hey, he did get that affection he wanted in the end so to him, it’s a win

Leona Kingscholar

- Leona doesn’t usually get up and do much

- As you’re definitely aware, Leona’s favorite activity is napping, especially with you

- But when spelldrive practice came up, he couldn’t waste an opportunity to show off how cool he was to his boyfriend

- And guess what? He invited you to join in with practice

- Great…

- It’s not that you don’t enjoy spending time with Leona it’s just that… you’re not very good at this sport, especially with no magic

- Everyone tried to help you out but it was clear that you were just there because Leona wanted you there

- And during practice, you had a repeat of what happened in this first spelldrive

- Frisbee to the head again

- Listen Leona didn’t know his magic was gonna go haywire and hit you

- He’s quickly by your side, making sure you’re okay

- When you finally get your bearings, thankfully not getting knocked out this time, you can’t help but start laughing

- You don’t think you’ve ever seen Leona’s face get redder

- After that practice gets called off and Leona drags you off to his room

- You’re forced to lay there for however long Leona decides to keep you

- in his words this was your “punishment for embarrassing him”

- In reality, he felt bad for hurting you, but he wouldn’t admit it because he’s all grumpy

- So you lay there, petting his hair as he hugs you close, and also with an ice pack on your currently bruising forehead

I honestly had so much fun with writing this. Writing these three characters are honestly so fun. Currently trying to get as many requests as I can done because I’m definitely running behind on these, sorry. Ty for reading and have a great day

#male reader #sharkboywrites #mlm #mlm blog #twst #twst x male reader #twst x reader #twst fanfic #leona x reader #leona x male reader #leona kingscholar x reader #ace x reader #ace x male reader #ace trappola x reader #ace trappola x male reader #deuce x reader #deuce spade x reader #deuce x male reader

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captain-hen · 28 days

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the ‘sunshine personified’ / ‘he makes everyone around him happy’ thing is sooo interesting because i don’t think we’ve really seen that from buck, have we? and by that i specifically mean in the fanon context of buck being the social PTA dad at all of chris’s school functions while eddie broods in the corner and only wants to talk to buck. if anything, we’ve seen the opposite behavior with eddie — he’s clearly good friends with chris’s friends’ parents, he was so happy and glowy when he first met the 118, he befriended may and linda so easily at dispatch, and i could go on and on.

he just seems to connect with people so easily, and i think a lot of that genuine friendliness is lost on people because he also has a tendency to get casually snarky with people he isn’t so fond of, whether it’s annoying temporary coworkers or selfish people on calls or opportunistic reporters. the same thing goes for his private nature vs. buck’s bleeding heart — it’s assumed that eddie isn’t a people person because he likes to keep his innermost feelings close to his chest and it’s also assumed that buck is good at instantly forming connections bc his feelings spill out of him at all times.

and like. it’s not that buck isn’t a kind and friendly person, but i do feel like his specialty is deep acts of love for the people he loves. idk if i’m articulating this right but i’m trying to point out that he’s never more ‘sunshine personified’ than when he’s with the 118 and co. he would do anything for them and he lights up around them in a way that he doesn’t really do with anyone else. and we haven’t seen him be so casually close to people outside that friend group.

when we got a glimpse of connor and buck’s friendship, it seemed more about what they could do for each other than about true connection. when we got that episode about buck and red, a lot of it was projection on buck’s part re. his fear of abandonment and his desire not to let his future turn out like red’s and it was also about his need to fix things for everyone else so he can feel like he’s needed. when he met lucy, he was desperate to fill a void and not feel as hollow as he felt going home to taylor kelly every night with his sister and his brother in law and his partner gone.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not trying to ascribe selfish motivations to buck bc i do believe he always tries to do the right thing, but when it comes to people outside of the 118, with the way it’s been written in canon, i feel like those dynamics have always been more about his own issues than they’ve been about actual friendship. and this isn’t even getting into how he acts when he feels like someone new is encroaching on his territory (see: eddie in 2x01 and lena). idk….i just think that kind of casual connection comes so much easier to eddie for whatever reason. maybe it’s because his abandonment issues are a whole other flavor, or because eddie’s upbringing was so different from buck’s. either way, it’s so interesting and ppl blinded by fanon are really missing out. i apologize for the long ass rambling and i don’t think i really articulated this well, so TL;DR — fanon sunshine buck and broody eddie do not exist in canon and i’m Very excited to see the way that mr. possessive, jealous, broody evan buckley acts when eddie meets someone new this week :)

no, you're so right about all of this, though! buck genuinely does light up and is at his most comfortable and golden retriever-like around the 118, because he sees them as family and trusts them so much—and i think people get carried away and attribute the same thing to everything else (like, for example, the social PTA dad thing). when in canon, buck on multiple occasions has not dealt with new people too well—whether it was eddie, or lena, or ravi...and now, as it looks like, tommy. and you kinda hit the nail on the head about how most of buck's relationships outside the 118 being very transactional in nature up to this point, it's sad, but it's true.

eddie is the complete opposite in this regard, though, like, the guy goes around collecting new friends like they're pokemon. lol. he is so wildly different to the fandom portrayal of him as this anti-social loner that i struggle with understanding how people even got there in the first place (i mean, i know why. but still).

anyway, buck's issues with jealousy and insecurity are sooo interesting to delve into as character flaws and so much more compelling than fandom's portrayal of him as a perfect angel baby who's never done anything wrong, but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ at least i have canon giving me the stuff i want lol

#neethu answers #anon

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rainbowsmagicandshit · 13 days

Text

Fanfic prompt/idea:

Mordred is Emrys (not really tho)

(Super long. TL;DR at bottom)

Someway, somehow, Arthur and his knights (Leon, Elyan, Percy, Gwaine, mordred) + Merlin meet someone while they’re away from the citadel who tells them about Emrys. Might be someone trying to kill them and boasting about the all mighty Emrys or might be a friendly, peaceful magical person who stopped for a chat or something else, choice is yours. Anyway, that night as they eat dinner around the campfire, they start talking about this Emrys. At first they’re like “that’s kooky” and laughing but then Percival speaks up quietly and a bit nervously. He says that while he’s sought sanctuary for the night or a few days in Druid camps before he became a knight, he’s heard about Emrys. Now, everyone is actually interested instead of just laughing it off.

Arthur: tell me more.

Percy: well.. the druids highly respect this man almost as if he’s a deity. I don’t know too much, and it’s been a while. I do remember that everyone knew about him no matter which Druid camp it was, even the children. It seems they tell a lot of stories about him to their young’uns.

Arthur: anything else?

Percy: sorry, sire, that’s all I remember. But if you really want to know more you could try to ask the druids.

They all became quiet and continued to eat, Merlin and Mordred relieved this conversation is over. …Until,

Arthur, remembering Mordred is a Druid: Mordred, you’re a Druid. Do anything about this?

Mordred and Merlin: *sweating bullets just wanting this dangerous topic over with* *glances at each other nervously*

Gwaine: WHA? Mordred, you’re a Druid?! You’ve been hold holdin’ out on us, mate!

Arthur realizes that Mordred’s heritage had not, in fact been a known thing, but they’ve made peace with the druids, it’ll be fine.

Mordred, nervously: oh, um, yes, I am…

The knight all take a few moments to be like “wow… never would’ve guessed” and “aren’t druids normally peaceful people? How you become a knight?”

Arthur, wanting to get things back on track: so, Mordred, do you know anything?

Mordred, nervousness increasing, knowing Merlin doesn’t want Arthur to know who he is, but not wanting to lie to his king, eyes darting between the two and all over the camp: uh…um… I… uh, I..I… I guess, yes. *Merlin’s glare intensifies*

Arthur, not noticing Merlin’s death glare at Mordred: tell me more.

Mordred, trying to figure out what to say to satisfy his king’s curiosity but not incur Emrys’ wrath (Emrys already hates him enough for some reason, he doesn’t want to make it worse): well… um, there’s… well there’s Emrys… and there’s this prophecy involving him. Most druids know of it; it’s centuries old.

Percival: oh, that’s right… Something about a magical king, right?

Mordred: the Once And Future King.

Gwaine: hold on a minute.. that sounds familiar… Ah! That’s right! I heard about it from a storyteller at a tavern once. I thought it was an odd name so it stuck. It’s a love story, right?

Mordred, nervously glancing between Merlin and Arthur (Merlin now looking at Gwaine with exasperation): um… I don’t know if that’s what it is.. but there definitely is a deep bond between Emrys and the Once And Future King.

Arthur: continue.

Mordred, trying to stay focused on Arthur instead of the once again glaring warlock beside him: so the prophecy says that the Once And Future King will unite the land of Albion, return magic to the land, and bring about a golden age of peace and prosperity for all. And Emrys is foretold to help him. * internally: please let be enough to satisfy him🥺😣😖*

Elyan: so the stories are about this king and Emrys is just there to help?

Mordred, sweating: um…

Gwaine: if that’s the case shouldn’t you druids be worshiping the king instead?

Sounds of agreement around the fire.

Leon to Mordred: is there more to us than that?

Mordred, under curious and intense gazes again: uh, yes… Emrys is a very powerful, immoral warlock said to—

“IMMORTAL??!!!” Merlin squawked, surprised.

Mordred, very nervous, whispers: ….um…yes………. *telepathically: did you not know?*

Merlin, telepathically: I am not immoral.

Mordred, telepathically: it’s what the prophecies say

Merlin, telepathically: they’re wrong

Mordred, telepathically: …um,, there’s a lot who say you are.

Merlin, telepathically: No. I’m NOT. I can’t be immortal. That’s ridiculous.

Mordred, telepathically: they say you are. That’s why the call you Emrys.

Merlin and Mordred continue to glare and the knights and Arthur look on wondering when those two got close enough to communicate only looks and without talking. Arthur is not jealous. Not. At. All. That would be ridiculous.(Yes he is, he’s the only one who’s supposed to communicate with Merlin silently. How dare Mordred)

Suddenly Merlin stands up: I’m going to wash the dishes *aggressively goes around the camp and grabs everyone’s dishes, then stomps into the woods to a nearby stream*

Arthur: you were saying Mordred?

Mordred: oh, right! Yes, so Emrys is said to be the most powerful warlock to ever live. He and the Once And Future King are said to be equals and without him the Golden Age can’t happen. While the Once And Future King is the king, Emrys is said to be his advisor and teacher of sorts. He also protects the Once And Future King and supports him any way he can.

The knights and king look thoughtful taking in this information. They ask Mordred more questions, just little stuff and clarifications, and Mordred, relaxing that he’s getting through this without blowing Emrys’ identity let it slip that “the time of the prophecy is upon us” and that Arthur is said to be the Once And Future King. Whoops.

Everyone around the campfire is now totally interested in this and wanting to know if it’s true and Mordred’s like “um… yeah, that’s what everyone is saying…” and REALLY wanting this conversation to be over with before he slips up about Merlin. He’s also really glad Merlin is still washing their dishes far enough away that he can’t hear the conversation.

Of course, just as Gwaine asks “if Arthur’s this Once And Future King, the where’s this Emrys guy?” Merlin returns in time to hear it.

Merlin, glaring at Mordred: what?

Mordred, telepathically: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! 🥺

The group fills Merlin in on what he missed while Mordred continues to apologize endlessly. The knights then go back to asking Mordred about Emrys and he tries to navigate the questions without giving anything away while also dealing with a furious Merlin in his head telling him to “FIX THIS NOW!! And don’t you tell Arthur who I am!!” The poor boy!

Mordred continues to navigate the conversation mostly emphasizing how loyal Emrys is and how he and the Once And Future King are said to have a strong bond and there’s nothing to worry about when they start to question if Emrys is a threat. Eventually someone (probably Gwaine) brings up that Emrys doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job of protecting Arthur considering how other he’s encountered by magical thing. And Mordred, who knows how busy Merlin is and how hard he’s been working to protect Arthur (and that’s just since he’s become a knight! He knows there’s so much more he doesn’t know and is in even more awe of Emrys for handling it all) sees Merlin look over at Gwaine like he’s actually concerning strangling the man, says, “he’s very busy! And, he’s just one man! He’s really trying his best!!”

Mordred doesn’t realize what he said wrong and why everyone is quietly looking at him like that until Arthur asks, “You know him?”

Mordred, who just realized that he did kinda just admit to knowing a very powerful, immoral warlock to a king and his knights that are of a kingdom where magic is punishable by death: ……………uh

Arthur, realizing why Mordred looks so terrified: Mordred I understand you are a Druid and have grown up on stories of this man. I will not punish you for knowing him. I’m sure you’ve met many sorcerers.

Mordred, letting out a big breath of relief: thank you, sire. And yes, I have met him.

Arthur, nodding: I see. And he is in Camelot?

Mordred: yes, sire. He’s been working very hard to keep you and Camelot safe.

Arthur, looking at his other knights: I’ve never heard of anyone in the kingdom by that name, any of you?

Leon: he’s likely using a fake name.

Arthur: hmm. Yes that makes sense.

Mordred, wondering if he messed up again: uh, sire? Is something wrong?

Arthur, looking back at Mordred, and trying to reassure him: I wouldn’t really say something is wrong, per say, but the fact that there is an unknown and powerful sorcerer hiding in Camelot is something I need to be aware of. Since you’ve met him, do you know who he’s hiding out as?

Mordred, glancing subtly at Merlin who’s glaring at him threatening again, realizing he really f’ed up: ……

Arthur, realizing Mordred does know who Emrys is: who is he, Mordred?

Mordred: ……

Arthur, starting to lose his patience: Mordred. Who is he? Or does your loyalty lie with him first and me, your king, second?

Mordred, startled: No! That’s not it at all, sire! I’m very loyal to you! I swear it!

Arthur: then…

Mordred, sheepishly: well… in the prophecy you two are equals, so I’ve always weighed your words and orders as equal as well. And Emrys asked me not to reveal him, so…

Arthur: ……

The knights: ……

Merlin, telepathically: you’re not done yet, keep going. The prat’s not going to leave it at that.

Arthur, trying to figure out how to word it: Mordred… you do realize that that is…. worse, right?

Mordred: ????

Arthur: there is someone who one of my knights has valued their words as equal to my own who I have never met and know next to nothing about and who is a sorcerer. I have not appointed this man and if he were to contradict one of my orders… Do see how I really need to know who this man is?

Mordred: …but he’s loyal to you…🥺

Arthur, wondering if he’s actually going to have to turn this into an official interrogation: Mordred.

Tension rises again as Arthur keeps pushing and Merlin starts yelling in his head again and Mordred just Doesn’t Know What To Do. Please make this stop! Until he can’t take it anymore and just blurts out, “I’M EMRYS!!”

Silence.

Mordred can’t believe he just said that. Did he actually just claim to be THE Emrys? It feels sacrilegious. He peeks over at Merlin, but the man seems just as shocked as the rest of them at this development and raises an eyebrow in question.

Mordred, telepathically: …sorry? I didn’t know what to say…

Merlin, telepathically: ..no, im not mad at that. I am a bit curious about where you’ll go with this though…

Arthur: you’re Emrys?

Mordred, with Merlin’s permission to continue: yes. I’m Emrys.

Gwaine, whistles: damn mate, you’ve really been holding out on us!

Everyone looks at Mordred in a new light, trying to reconcile what they already knew about him with this new information.

Arthur: so you have magic then?

Mordred, nervously: yes.

More silence.

Gwaine, very interested and not at all wary: lots of it too being the most powerful and thought of as a deity.

Mordred, who is quite powerful, but not on Emrys’ level, obviously: yeah, I suppose.

After a bit more of an awkward and tense conversation of stilted sentences, and some debate about magic, Mordred and Merlin finally relax at the fact they’re both keeping their heads and the true identity of Emrys is secret. It was pretty much decided that Mordred had already sworn fealty to Arthur when he became a knight and even saved the king’s life in the Northern Plains, so he was most likely still trustworthy even though he was a sorcerer. Arthur and the knights are surprisingly okay with this turn of events; they’re still tense, but no one’s drawn their sword. Gwaine even asks Mordred to do some magic, and with Arthur’s very tense go ahead, Mordred levitates a water skin for a bit much to Gwaine’s delight. Gwaine keeps asking Mordred to do more magic as they head back to the castle like make things float and light some campfires.

I was thinking that it will mostly be about the antics from this point and how it would change things for the better. Like, now Merlin needs to enlist Mordred in his secret magical adventures and work together to keep Arthur and Camelot safe. The two would make such a funny dynamic. Merlin being all huffy and suspicious but begrudgingly including him while Mordred is so happy at being able to help his idol out, a dream come true for him.

The group ABSOLUTELY keeps Mordred’s magic and him being Emrys thing a secret at first, not sure when that’ll change but it definitely will. Gwaine probably spills about the prophecy and Arthur being the once and future king while he’s drunk in the tavern one night, but not about Mordred. The group eventually start warming up about magic and not being so wary of sorcerers since they’re now seeing Mordred using it to protect them so much. When the knights ask about what he’s done so far he tells them about Merlin’s achievements (with his permission, of course) and gets some more stories from him.

When the actual reveal comes it will be after word has already spread that Mordred is Emrys, so then Arthur and everyone will have to be like “no, that was a lie/misunderstanding, it’s actually Merlin” but people will still mistake Mordred for Emrys even years in the future. They’re never living this down.

Also there is DEFINITELY at least one scene where they go to a Druid camp and Arthur’s all like “yep, this is Mordred. Emrys” and the druids, telepathically, are like “boy, what are you doing? Mordred, you know you’re not Emrys.” And Mordred’s like “I have permission…” so the Druids subtly look at Merlin and he’s like “yeah, he’s got permission, just go with it�� So, they do.

There’s also going to be scenes where Arthur is trying to get to know Mordred better because they apparently are supposed to have a super strong bond or whatever and yes, he and Mordred do have a bond, but he wouldn’t say it was any different than his bonds with his other knights and is all confused by it. And when he’s confiding in Merlin about it, he advises to not try and force it.

I know this is season 5 and Arthur and Gwen are married, BUT if you decide to go the merthur route, there can even be some prophecies about Emrys and the once and future king being soulmates and destined to be together or something. That would make Arthur even more confused/troubled because while Mordred is only a little over a decade younger than him (I headcanon that Arthur was 20-21 in 1st season and Mordred ~7-10) and age gaps that big weren’t unheard of, he just can’t look at Mordred that way. He’s too much like an innocent little puppy or something. Merlin is probably mortified because he can’t believe they have prophecies about his love life and why was he only finding out about this NOW?

Also, LANCELOT!!! Maybe there’s some way to actually bring him back from the dead. Or, there could be some scenes of him in Avalon watching this comedy unfold and talking and laughing about it with Will and Fraya and whoever else has died. And they’re all shaking their heads at the crazy situations Merlin gets himself into.

TL;DR: It’s basically crack about Merlin and Mordred working together to pass Mordred off as Emrys with a side of fix-it.

In the future I might decide to write this myself, but I’m in the middle of reading TGCF and want to finish that and a couple other things before I rewatch Merlin. It’s been a couple years since my last rewatch so things are a little fuzzy and I don’t want to completely mischaracterize someone. So, here, take it. Do with this what you want, but let me know if you write this or something, cause it would be supper fun to read.

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elemom · 1 month

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What are your thoughts on Echo and Dr. Julien's relationship?

Hi anon. I sure hope you’re prepared for a yap sesh!

I have SO MUCH to say about them.

TL;DR: Echo is Julien’s son AND his deeply flawed creation. And that dynamic is Difficult.

We’ll start off with:

Dr. Julien’s Perspective

Ok so i think the most important thing to get outta the way is that i don’t think Julien is *evil,* but rather he occupies a “creator” dynamic with echo (and by extension, zane) i’ll explain more, hopefully

I personally think Julien created Echo out of desperation and loneliness. The first time he was lonely, back in the birchwood forest, he built zane, and that basically fixed his loneliness problem. After such a long time in the lighthouse, he was desperate for *anything* to help him in his isolation.

Thus, I don’t think he was in a clear mindset when he was creating echo. Fueled by grief and a little bit of hubris (*he created mechanical life for crying out loud, he should never have to be alone again when he can just infinitely create consciousness!*) he used zane’s blueprints to build a brand new nindroid.

As the process went on, i think he lost more of that clarity and ended up wanting this nindroid to be a new zane, something he would later be deeply ashamed of when he realized he basically just built a replacement son. Once echo is complete enough to be activated, I think he realizes just how bad of a hole he’d dug himself. He’s disappointed: not in Echo, in but himself. He tried to create a life in the image of someone else, and he couldn’t even do that right.

Which brings me to the “creator” dynamic. While Julien sees Echo as a son, he also sees him as his creation; he’s something to fix and perfect and fine tune. Echo is imperfect, and as a creator, Julien wants to fix those imperfections. He views Echo (and zane) as sons, but also as his creations, and that’s a *really* hard dynamic to balance.

(as an aside, I dont think echo or zane mind getting tune ups/upgrades/etc. I think a lot of the internal conflict julien has with echo is because he needs *so many* fixes that it’s hardly feasible to do, so he’s left dealing with echo’s imperfections and echo is left as kind of A Mess.)

Now all the stuff I mentioned above about the creator + creation dynamic is still there, but I don’t think it’s the MAIN thing going on. I really truly believe Julien was a good father to Echo despite their circumstances. Like, I think he made Gizmo as a buddy for Echo like he made the falcon for Zane, he made toys and stuff for him, played chess with him, etc. However, I think Julien’s disappointment with himself and his regret over creating a replacement for Zane occasionally comes through.

Which leads me to…

Echo’s Perspective

Echo is completely 100% trusting of Julien. That’s the big thing, I’d say. After all, it was Julien that gave him life, who cares for him and reassures him when he’s down. (And he’s also the only other person Echo knows.)

It’s this trust that leads to Echo’s…. Issues. See, Echo eventually comes to realize something’s up with how Julien sees him — or at least, how Julien seems to act when certain topics about his creation come up. Like I mentioned in his section, Julien can’t hide the disappointment/regret/etc he feels about creating echo — none of which are echo’s fault of course. But echo sees that he’s imperfect and that his father sometimes gets upset and he blames himself for that.

Echo knows Julien doesn’t hate him. He knows he’s trying his best and that he really does care. But he still wants to do everything in his power to make Julien happy. So he’s keenly aware of how he’s Not Zane and how he’s Not Perfect and how his father created him to Be Zane but didn’t do a great job at it. Julien always reassures him that he loves him, and it’s true! Julien *does* love him. But Echo feels like he could be doing better.

Depending on your interpretation and headcanons and AUs and all that, Echo can stay in this state of trust after s2 (waiting in the lighthouse for an eternity) or go in the complete opposite direction (Rejecting the idea of being Zane and becoming Mr E)

I might go into more detail about Mr Echo and how being found by the SoG impacted his view of Dr J. If you wanna see that, I’d be glad to infodump abt it on another post :3c

I also have some thoughts about Why echo got left behind in the lighthouse, but i dont think any of them were out of malice on Julien’s part. Some are worse than others, but I think he wanted to go back Eventually.

Maybe he died shortly after s2 and didn’t have the time to go back. Maybe Echo had shut down due to malfunctions and Julien didn’t know he was alive (Gizmo would have repaired him before the events of s6). Or maybe Julien was procrastinating, because he would have to admit to zane that he tried to replace him. Or maybe he just forgor 💀

ANYWAY thanks so much for asking!!! If you or anybody else ever wants to hear any more hcs feel free to send me asks about them. Because I have a LOT to say. I have put enough mental energy into thinking about the jfam that i could probably power Los Angeles for a month.

(disclaimer, many of these HCs come from melting together a bunch of ideas from fanart and fics and HC posts on tumblr, so a lot of these thoughts aren’t original.)

#aubz answers #ninjago #lego ninjago #dr julien #echo zane #echo julien #zane julien #i sure talked for awhile there didn’t i #ninjaposting

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karniss-bg3 · 3 months

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I would like to hear your thoughts about Larian giving Kar’niss female pedipalps?

Personally I feel like it was just another f you from Lolth

Alright so, this is a complicated and detail-heavy topic. For that reason I’ll be splitting this theory into two sections: Technical Aspects & Lore. There will be a TL;DR at the bottom.

Technical Aspects

Kar’niss is a complex model and I imagine the rigging on him was wild. To my understanding his walking animation was done by hand which makes sense. His torso could be motion captured but the arachnid portions needed to be moved in engine. The best time to witness the separation is if you play music for him as a bard. His torso will bob and sway the same as the rest of the NPCs but his legs stay perfectly stationary. I do get a kick out of the idea of the Larian devs trying to put a tiny motion capture suit on a spider but alas.

I bring this up because the pedipalps add an extra layer of complication that the devs didn’t really need. In fact the concept art for driders doesn’t include them at all which suggests they weren’t part of the original design. A lot changed from concept art to the final version it seems. He used to have extra arms, his legs were longer, and his facial features were more twisted. His skin was also darker but it was either changed because he is a Szarkai or because his skin tone blended too heavily with the color of the chitin.

This would align with a lot of the concept art from D&D. There are many examples of driders without pedipalps, both male and female.

All that said, when it comes to the technical aspects, I have a theory as to why the original and final designs were so vastly different: Time. Kar’niss is one of the more detailed models in the game and even the final version didn’t turn out perfect. If you look closely at where his torso attaches to the spider body you can see some model tearing when he turns at certain angels, as well as what I refer to as “tubing”. I’ve seen this in a few games and it’s where limbs or portions of a body thin out to an impossible degree and they look like a squeezed out tube of toothpaste. This could be due to improper skeleton models, broken seams or rigging but as I don’t work in the industry those are my best guesses.

When you have a strict budget and time limit sometimes a development team has to cut some fat. They didn’t have the time to add in the extra arms, super long limbs or highly detailed face model. Perhaps they looked at the final design and weren’t satisfied with the lack of monster features. Thus, the pedipalps were introduced. But since drider are canonically sexless they designed the palps in such a way that they were made for battle; hence the sharp barb present at the tip of each. They are located face level for most races which make them perfect eye gougers or maybe they use them to subdue prey. Palps are also used to “taste” in most spider species and he could likely use them to discern if prey is edible or not.

“Pedipalps contain sensitive chemical detectors and function as taste and smell organs, supplementing those on the legs”

As for why they are female in design the simplest answer I have is that it was an oversight. If they were already scrambling to finish the model then they were likely going for the path of least resistance. Male pedipalps would’ve required a bit more work and either they didn’t think that much about it or chose the easiest design to model. I know about the Kar’niss is trans theory and I’ll be touching on that in the next section.

Lore

Anyone who has followed me for a while knows I’ve discussed drider lore a lot here so I’ll try to be a bit more brief in this section. Drider are meant to be sexless as Lolth didn’t wish for them to reproduce and rise up against Her. If Larian’s design of the palps were with intent then I believe we’re looking at Jurassic Park situation here. Maybe Lolth’s manner of birth control was to make all spider bodies female regardless of the gender of the drow who is changed. It would also align with the Matriarchal society drow come from as well as Lolth choosing to make driders in “Her image”. So yes, a “fuck you” from Lolth would be accurate in this case. The issue I run into is that Kar’niss is the only drider model in-game and so I have nothing to compare him to. I don’t know if all driders in this universe look the same or if there would’ve been a difference between females and males. It leaves it all up to pure speculation, sad to say.

There is a theory that’s been around for a while now that Kar’niss is transgender. While I think it’s a perfectly fine theory I don’t necessarily agree with it. It’s not because I’d be against him being trans, it’s more that I can’t find enough evidence to support it. For starters if he is trans, is he a trans man or a trans woman? We’ve learned that Kar’niss is a female name according to drow naming conventions and of course his palps suggest a female body. The name can be explained as an act of defiance as it is stated that if a man takes on a womans name they are considered troublemakers. If he is a trans woman, why would he ever allow himself to be misgendered?

There are several NPCs that refer to him as “he” and Kar’niss never once barks at them. It’s not as if he’s shy and in fact he’s proven to have quite the temper. He no longer follows nor worships Lolth and he’s under the protection of the Absolute, a cult that allegedly loves and accepts him. Why hide himself as a trans woman under these conditions? Especially in a game that is very progressive in terms of character creation and pronoun usage.

If he is a trans man then the spider body becomes a moot point. Did he transition before the drider transformation or did Lolth change his sex but slap on the female spider body as a way to mock him? Is that why he was changed? I imagine in a drow society where being a woman is a big deal having one that wanted to become a male, a lesser, would be the talk of the Underdark. I’m sure it’s worse for men who want to be women as that could be seen as “rising above their station”. It’s hard to say as modern day gender identity isn’t really addressed in drow lore.

There is a trans woman in Baldur's Gate 3 that the player meets during Shadowheart’s storyline. It can be easy to miss as her past isn’t revealed unless Shadowheart consumes the noblestalk Tav picks up in the Underdark. This is an excerpt from Nocturne’s journal.

“I am Nocturne. I think as her. I see her when I look in the mirror. I can't remember the last time someone called me by the wrong name - Shadowheart has been swift to gently correct slips of the tongue, and even swifter in challenging those who'd use my forsworn name in malice. I'm lucky to have her as a friend. “

While it seems she had trouble in the beginning, those under Shar came to accept her in time as far as I can tell. With this we can at least say that Larian has no issues adding in trans characters but Kar’niss doesn’t receive this treatment. Another thing to note is that Nocturne is voiced by a trans woman, Abigail Thorn. Where as Kar’niss is voiced by, what I assume to be, a cisgender male. In my mind if Larian would take that much time and care for accuracy wouldn’t they do the same for Kar’niss?

With all of that said if people have the headcanon that Kar’niss is trans that is a-okay, I have no issues with that or any other character! It’s simply a theory I don’t personally subscribe to because the elements don’t line up well enough for me. But hey if they ever expand on his story and he is trans that’d be cool. I don’t know if there is a trans man elsewhere in-game so it’d be nice to see that representation there.

Phew, that was far longer than I anticipated but I hope I covered the topic well enough as it has been debated quite a bit in the fandom. Once again I want to express that I believe folks are allowed to write and draw these characters how they see fit. It’s fantasy fun folks, go wild and enjoy your faves as you desire.

TL;DR: I think the female pedipalps are a technical oversight and were only added in to give Kar’niss a more monstrous appearance or to round out his design. I don’t believe he is trans due to the lack of evidence to support the theory. If Lolth had any bearing on the spider body it was likely to prevent reproduction or in an effort to make driders in her image. Overall, the pedipalps are more up to interpretation than hard evidence.

#baldur's gate 3 #kar'niss #bg3 #drider #karniss #baldurs gate 3 #answered #drow #drow lore #theorycrafting #spider anatomy #pedipalps #long post

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