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pandorasfavorite · 28 days

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The Silent Love

AN: After 5,000 words I managed to write you guys something a little longer for fun.

The large beaming lights in the center of the ring felt so natural to you. From the young age of 6, the dream of being a wrestler was branded on your heart. And now that you are standing in the middle of the ring with spotlights on you and thousands of people cheering you on. Your dream actually felt completely real, that this is what you were destined to do with your life. No one could stop you from getting what you wanted out of life. Though you couldn’t deny the level of intensity your job brought….Every Friday thru Monday you get ready for work. Sometimes you weren't needed but the new storyline was hot and you just so happen got thrown in the middle of it. Rey Mysterio’s son turned heel and the whole WWE community was astonished at the change. Especially since Dominik was so loyal…and so dedicated to his father's work. As crazy as that was, it didn’t matter to you in the slightest. Dominik Mysterio and his father had nothing to do with you; none of that did.

You were brand new to WWE with no enemies, till Rhea Ripley changed the course of your career. After many matches (and wins), you seemed unstoppable; but you knew better than to let the success get to your head. What played to your advantage was your wrestling persona. You spoke no words, and when push came to shove you still stayed silent. The world has yet to know how you sound when you speak, and they would be waiting a long time. This silent streak was intimidating and many believed you could one day pose a match to Rhea Ripley (the current woman’s champion). You were astonished at the whispers. If anything you admired Rhea and how well she retained her title, yet she wasn’t as happy to be associated with you.

So you couldn’t help but be surprised at her intent to fight you next Friday just to show no one can top her. Partial fear coursed through you at the thought of fighting a champion only a few months into your career. Rhea was beyond adamant and a force to be reckoned with; she wasn’t a person you wanted problems with. Although she did do some things you opposed to. Thursday night was the worst, and Friday morning was no better. You felt terrified to put it simply. This match was going to be huge, Dominik Mysterio was still a fresh member in the Judgement Day meaning he was going to be glued to Rhea’s side. You had no one to back you up; just you, yourself, and the silence you accompanied.

Now you stood in the middle of the ring, trying to act confident; though you really wanted to curl up and hide. She came out of the threshold with Dominik right beside her, you should’ve been looking at her but you couldn't look away from the man beside her. He was obviously out of practice and was adorning a frown that didn’t really suit his face. He was just a step behind Rhea and she was already starting her speech on how no one could take her place. Yet your eyes followed him the whole time and that only pissed her off worse, “Look at me!” she yelled at you now that she was standing right in front of you in the ring. You pulled your gaze away from him but not without difficulty.

You looked at her and managed to hold eye contact. “Do you have something to say?”, she laughed and got in your face. You said nothing and let your eyes flicker behind her, back to Dominik who was watching with no expression. You felt paralyzed when you had been pushed back, Rhea had picked you up and tossed you onto the floor like a bag of flour. On the floor you squeeze your eyes shut and roll over to avoid her hits, you knew this would hurt; but not like this. You are picked up again and draped over the post of the ring to be pushed off of, your cold and clammy hands only make getting your grip on things worse. Your body smacks on the ring again and you swear your head is ringing from the chorus of cheers. You lay flat on your back only to open your eyes to see Rhea standing above you grinning like a maniac. She kicks your side and you fold into yourself with a hiss of pain. She turns around and starts hyping herself up and pointing towards her belt.

With all the strength in your body, you rose up with one hand around the center of your stomach. When Rhea turned around you backhanded her across the face with all the strength you could muster. A sour expression sunk onto her face and before you knew it she performed her finisher on you. You knew that the chances of winning were below 1%, but at least you got a hit in. She pinned you and you laid there waiting for it to be over, though as you lay on the ground you turned your head to meet Dominik’s eyes again. He swallowed hard and looked away, fixing his composure. Then that was it, they left and you went right after them. You wanted to be alone after such a humiliating match you didn’t even want to do in the first place. You wanted to sit with your thoughts that kept revolving around the guy that you hardly knew.

You turned the corner about to go into the dressing room when you crashed into something hard. You looked up with an apologetic expression only for it to drop instantly when you saw it was Dominik. He shifts awkwardly on his feet as if he is nervous to speak, though he apologizes to Rhea, “I’m sorry she shouldn’t have done that”. You had said nothing and only looked at him with wide eyes. This was the last thing you imagined would happen. You nodded at him and smiled slightly to show that you were grateful for his apology. You were still clutching your stomach, but the pain was ignored in his presence. Though Dominik noticed, he frowned and stared, “Can I walk you to the infirmary?”. He said in a concerned voice but it was also laced with guilt. Surely he didn’t think this was his fault? You wanted to deny the offer and just deal with the pain on your own. But the more attention that was drawn to the ache only made it more painful. You sigh and nod, letting him lead the way.

You both walked side by side with no more words exchanged. And when you made it to the room Dominik rubbed his neck nervously, “Well this is it”. You nodded and looked at him all the same. He clears his throat and looks away from your piercing gaze; yet for some reason, his heart pumps faster. He turns to walk away but before leaving you completely he waved goodbye. You had to do the same. From that point on Dominik had to fight the thoughts of you out of his brain. It was like those small interactions were consuming his mind and making it hard for him to function. He hasn’t even heard you speak yet you already managed to get a hold of him.

A week passed and your next match wasn’t until Monday. You were excited for more reasons than one. Firstly, you felt fully revived and ready to show off some of the new moves that you came up with. Secondly, Rhea hasn’t released any more statements and your fanbase has only grown since the match. And thirdly, everyone was going to be in for a surprise. You intended to be one of the most creepiest wrestlers out there.

Meaning your silence was going to be a magnet of fear if anything. Your eerily music rang through the stadium and all the lights completely shut off so you could roll out from under the ring and stand in the middle. The lights flickered and after a loud screech, they turned back on to show you in the middle. You were dressed in black attire with dark makeup that only emphasized the horror-type look. You heard whistles and cheers at the sight of you, honestly, it felt like floating in many ways.

You didn’t give a single fuck about who you matched today; you knew with confidence the win was yours. So when Baliey stepped out and rolled into the ring you looked at her with wide creepy eyes ( as the commenters put it). You let Baliey go on her stupid rant while you thought of the best way to shut her up. The match started with punches flying, if Baliey hit you she got a punch right back and so forth. You managed to get an upper hand by kicking her feet from under her. Bailey landed harshly on her back. You picked her up as high as you could and put her on your shoulders. She held onto the top of your head with absolute fear at the fall ahead of her. Just as you were about to drop her another loud blast of music startles you. You were still holding Baliey up when you saw two silhouettes walk out of the opening.

But you continuously reminded yourself to stay focused and ignore the new people. Their interruption was not close to worthy enough for a loss on your part. Instead of dripping Bailey, you summersault with her on your shoulders. She slams onto the ring and ends up behind her, holding her legs over her head to pin her. Bailey squirms and kicks out on two. You stand up and survey the area for Rhea, you knew it was her just by the music that blasted through the stadium. She was standing at the side of the ring with Dominik to the side of her. You wrinkled your nose in disgust at the pair together. All the respect you had for her was lost.

Then again you looked straight through Dominik, his eyes widened when Baliey came running up behind you. You hold back a smirk at his unintentional warning, and you spin around just in time to punch her across the jaw. She steps back holding the side of her face with a shocked expression. You walk up to her and grab her by the shoulders to bring her stomach down on your knee. She groans loudly and exhales a hard breath, you throw her to the side to lay her down on her back. You pin her and after 3 lengthy counts, the win was yours. Rhea claps slowly and sarcastically to bring your attention to her. You glare unkindly and roll your eyes when she picks up a microphone.

Again Dominik watches like a little puppy following their owner. You did what Rhea hated most, you ignored her and slid out of the ring to begin walking backstage. Only to come to an instant halt at Dominik’s hesitant voice. “It’s not what you think”, he says but it is drowned out by all the yells and boo’s thrown his way. Dominik looks side to side with annoyance. “Listen-”, he tries again but gets the same response to the same effect. He throws his hands up and just gives the mic back to Rhea, you are tempted to turn around and ignore her once again but Dominik’s pleading look roots you to the ground. She takes the mic but it seems as if it is hard for her to say what is necessary, “Join the Judgement Day” she finally rattles off. You scoff instantaneously.

The next few weeks are to the same effect. Rhea and Dominik interrupt your matches to convince you to join the group. They are hoping to wear down your resolve to the best of their ability. Eventually,,,, Damian and Finn also come out to pester you and in truth,,,, it is getting hard for you to hold your tongue. After another tiring day of constant interruption and nagging from the group, you manage to get away and inside of your dressing room. The moment you plop down onto the couch for a moment of rest, there is a knock on the door.

You groan as loud as possible so the person can hear how much they are inconveniencing you. You sat and hoped they would go away after the clear noise of annoyance. But another soft knock comes from the other side of the door. You take a steady breath and propel yourself off the couch to open the door. Yet you were surprised to see Dominik and Dominik alone on the other side of the door. He bites the inside of his cheek but leans on the doorframe as if he is not nervous. He motions inside, “Can I come in?”, you sigh and nod pushing the door open for him.

For some odd reason you felt drawn to him, and after weeks of looking at him and hearing him (or attempting to) plead for you to join, you kind of developed a small crush on him. Dominik walked in and lingered in the middle of the room, switching from foot to foot while he waited for you to close the door. You closed it shut and spun around to look at him, a small laugh fell from your lips at his awkward composure. Dominik’s heart instantly started to race and he recognized his chest getting warm at the sound.

You sit on the couch and pat the spot beside you. He blows out a nervous breath but takes a seat beside you anyway, he fiddles with his hands before rushing out what he came to ask you. “Have you thought about joining?”. You slightly shake your head but in all honesty that was all you thought about these past few weeks. You wouldn’t mind being closer to Dominik, and he would love that as well. But one thing kept you from making the decision. He rubs his face in mild disappointment, “Why not?” it almost sounded like a whine.

You pull your lips to the side, not wanting to share the true reason because Dominik surely wouldn’t appreciate it. You shrug and look at him in the most neutral way you could, though he knew. He always knew. “It’s Rhea right?”, he sighs and scratches his eyebrow. Your eyes fly open and you look panicked at being caught, you shake your head no in an attempt to deny it. Dominik clicks his tongue, “I know it is, Hermosa”. Did he just call you beautiful??? The name made your heart race faster than what is considered healthy.

You blush and drop your head to avoid his understanding eyes. Noticeably Dominik has changed since that first night you saw him, he has gotten more influence in his group. He is less nervous to be around you and more confident in himself. So maybe that's why he took your hands in his, you raised your head to look at him in confusion. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop her that night. But she will never hurt you or humiliate you like that again. I swear”, he says with serenity and positivity.

Dominik was convinced that Rhea would cause you no harm anymore. You close your eyes to process; you knew that if you looked at Dominik too long you’d have to say yes. Time and time again you told yourself no. No this wasn’t going to work out and no he wasn’t worth the trouble. Things change though. And Dominik holding your hands and consoling you was a change that helped you make up your mind. You open your eyes and give him a short and small nod. Dominik beams with dilated pupils at your acceptance. He lost control of his body which made him pull you directly into his arms.

He wraps his arms around you and both of you share a similar feeling of embarrassment. Dominik pulls back and he looks mortified at what he had done. He pops up off the couch and mutter something along the lines of “I have to go tell everyone” and then he slips out of the room casually. Yet you could hear him running down the hallway. The long day was eventful and you just signed part of your career away because you were beginning to love a man. “Fuck”, you finally say and bury your head into your hands.

The next time you seen Dominik was in the Judgment Day dressing room, conveniently enough your name was also written on the door. You walked in with your head held high and confidence spilling from your body. You had been prepared for the worst which was ridicule and rude behavior. Yet you heard laughter. It was Dominik and Damian while Finn and Rhea sat with smiles on their face at the exchange. Rhea’s expression hardened when she turned to look at you, you gave her the same hard look and crossed your arms defensively.

Dominik noticed the tension and stopped laughing at the exchange. He rushed over to you and held you by the arm. He coughs to bring the attention to himself, “15 minutes till guys” was all he said before Finn cheered. Finn pops up off the couch and walks over to Damian to smack him on the shoulder, “The Judgment Day rules, right Damian?”. Damian responds with a simple, “Yea” and puts an arm around his friend. Rhea stands up and walks over to you and Dominik, you are noticeably tense under Dominik’s hand.

Dominik felt the nervous energy radiating off of you. He’s not sure why he does it but he finds his arm slipping around you shoulders. The tension in your face goes away in relief at the feeling of protection from him. “Ready then?”, Rhea asks you while quirking her eyebrow. You nod a bit apprehensively. “Still not talking?”, she asks with a smirk. You raise your eyes playfully, trying to be nice. She gives you a small smile back and pats you on the shoulder. Dominik lights up at the pleasant reaction and he can hardly stand still with excitement. You smile to yourself, just maybe you could get used to this.

A month passes and things are only getting better, you still haven't spoken a word to anyone. But Judgement Day doesn’t seem to mind. They have found themselves accommodating to your silence, therefore they only ask questions that are yes and no. You appreciate their effort, but your silence was a choice of protection for yourself in a way. When you completely trusted someone you would speak to them, and the time came for that to happen.

But Dominik would be first to hear, he deserved that much. Monday night 20 minutes before his match you pulled him into a closet, away from listening ears. He looks down at you; his hands almost reach out to hold your arms in comfort. You are currently working up the courage to speak by looking into his eyes; they were always so deep with emotion. “Everything okay Hermosa?”, he asks; though his eyes drop down to your lips frequently.

“Yes”, you whisper but it sounded more like a croak from how long it has been. Dominik’s jaw went slack and his shoulders dropped in awe. He couldn’t believe his ears, so much so he rubbed one of them to make sure he was hearing right. “W-what?”, he wants you to speak again, so so badly it hurts. You bite your lips; holding back from laughing at his insane and surprised expression. “Dominik”, you say. He shakes a sharp intake of breath and steps back; only to step forward right back into his previous spot.

He points at your lips and he looks astonished, “You just talked- I mean really spoke”. He shakes his head in disbelief and runs a hand down his face. You nod; the corners of your mouth going up. You knew he would react strongly but this was just perfect. He looks crazed to keep hearing you, and his hands finally find the sides of your arms; “Well don’t stop now! Your voice is so- I don’t even know how to put this… angelic”. He is shaking in excitement, you laugh and touch his chest with one of your hands.

His heart was nearly beating out of his chest as well. “When we go back out you have to pretend like nothing was said”, you remind him because surely he wanted to tell all of his friends. He opens his mouth without speaking and exhales heavily. “You're talking”, he pushes out… he has never felt this way before. The emotions he was going through right now were crushing in the best way. He wanted to kiss you and listen to you talk for days/ maybe even months. He never wants to see you nod again, he just wants to hear the soft sound of your voice. He was so struck, and so happy he had to pull you into his chest and wrap his arms around you in a hug.

You hide your blush and smile into his chest, you suppose you could give him time to calm down and process. After a few more minutes he lets go and asks for you, “Ready?”. “Are you?”, you giggle and push him a bit. He stares for a moment, “You're killing me” he puts his forehead on your shoulder. You touch his hair and you tap his head, motioning with your head towards the door. “Okay I’m ready”, he mutters but makes no move for the handle. You nod and Dominik swallows hard at the denial of another word.

You both step out into the hallway and begin walking towards the group. They all turn around and sigh breathes of relief. “Where have you guys been?”, Rhea says in a strict voice. “Sorry, we got held up by the camera crew. Finn shrugs and looks away but Rhea and Damian aren’t as easily as convinced. They will ignore it for another day…they guess.

Yet another week passes and Dominik has taken advantage of his privilege of hearing you speak. More often than not he would find time in the hectic day to hear your sickly sweet voice. But today, he could get very few words out of you. It was Wrestlemania and you had a surprise match. Meaning the type of match and who it was with was completely and utterly sheltered from you. You were anticipating the worst as always, but at the end of the day, you were going to make the most of it. Now your match was 8 minutes away and Dominik quickly pulled you into a janitor's closet, “Good luck” he rushed out as if he was nervous for you.

You look up at him from your lashes, “Thank you, see you after?”, you affirmed. “Yeah”, he said like he was breathless. You quirked your brow at him in confusion but time was running out, and a strike of confidence hit you. You rose up to kiss his cheek and you left the closet with a minute to spare.

Your music blasted and the arena went dark as always, only to flicker when you finally made it to center stage. You stood in the middle with your arms raised in the air and a sinister creepy smile plastered directly on your face. You circled the ring only to come to a complete stop when the music played. Your face dropped and you already felt the tears of betrayal burn your eyes; it was Rhea’s music. She came out alone with her title thrown over her shoulders and you felt no fear.

You felt sick to your stomach, the man you loved had to have known. They all knew and none of them told you a word. You start blinking quickly to wish away the tears, yet the moment Rhea towered over you with a victorious smile. A tear happened to roll down your cheek for the world to see. You whipped it away harshly and gritted your teeth at her quick look of pity. The match started and you grabbed her by the shoulders and punched her across the face 3 times. All your pain and sorrow flowed out of you the entire match. Each kick and push was with hatred for what she did to you.

Worst of all, as you lay flat on the floor with blinding tears; all you could think of was Dominik. You were back in the same position as the first time, thinking of him as you lost. Every piercing pain in your body was nothing compared to how your heartfelt. And when Rhea’s arm was raised into the air, you rolled out of the ring and moved as quickly as you could muster to the dressing room. You pushed the door open so hard it rattled the hinges but you weren’t intending to confront anyone. You wanted to grab your things and get the fuck out of there.

You had been expecting all the boys to be in the room but it was just Dominik. His face was crestfallen and he stood up as soon as you walked in. You spared him no look, your hands fumbled with every article of clothing you had in the room. And you walked right past him to grab all your makeup. You had no use leaving it there anymore; there’s no way you’d be back. Finally, you turned to Dominik with your bags in hand and just stared at him with a quivering lip. You wanted him to see how bad it hurt. He can barely look at you, “I couldn’t tell you”. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit is what screamed in your head.

Your eyes were empty and your silence made him finally look at you. Tears are flowing down your face uncontrollably and Dominik looks just as wounded as he feels. He knew he fucked up, but there may be no coming back from this. “I’m sorry”, he whispers what he can get out. Your hands shake at the apology. You wanted to smack him, you wanted to curl up in a ball and hide, you wanted to scream until your throat burned and you collapsed. He only got closer to you, 3 steps away to be exact.

Your throat burned in disgust, his eyes filled with tears much like yours. “You don’t know how sorry I am, what can I do?”, he was on the verge of sinking to his knees and pleading at your feet. His knees felt weak and he cursed himself for not telling you like he was going to days before. You shake your head at him; no words would be enough. His breathing has gotten fast and your silence is hitting him hard, “Say something. Fuck just say something” he pleads. You swallow hard, “What do you want me to say, Dominik?”. His glossy eyes widen when you take a step closer to him with fury deep in your eyes.

“You want me to tell you about how you broke my fucking heart?”, you take another step towards him. “Or how you betrayed me? The ONLY person I trust?”, you take the final third step towards him and you push him back harshly. Dominik clutches his chest because it feels like his heart is shattered. He fucked up, he fucked up, he fucked up. You're leaving and he can’t stop you, he can’t get you back… he ruined his life. “I tried to tell you-”, he croaked and moved towards you again. He held your arms carefully just like he used to, only to be pushed back roughly again, “Don’t touch me!”. He sinks to his knees and begs you to stay, “I need you please, please, please don’t leave me”.

Your breath caught in your throat and your lip quivered again, your face was flushed with tears and your throat felt tight. “Tell me why”, you demand him and harshly wipe the tears again. He looks down shamefully. “Tell me”, you grit out. He stands up on shaky legs and breathes carefully, “It was a contract when you first joined. This was planned since the beginning. But things changed, you changed me Hermosa”.

You scoffed and clenched your fists. You grab your bags off the floor and turn around to leave with a broken heart. “I LOVE YOU! Is that what you wanted to hear?!?! I love you” he yelled in hysteria after you. You sucked in a shaky breath at his confession; because after it all you loved him so much more. You turned your head to look at his crestfallen face, “Not enough” you replied. He clenched his hands and a lonely tear rolled down his face, “Hate me”. Your body stood still in awe, “What?” you gasped out.

He took another prodding step, “Hate me but don’t leave it like this. Don’t leave us like this”. “You’re my everything” his voice cracked with his last notion of hope. Your voice shook and so did your body; one thing was for sure you loved him. You couldn’t let go no matter how much it hurt, “I need time”. He nodded instantly, he would give you anything now that he lost everything.

Your lips pressed together and a new wave of tears rolled down your cheeks, “I love you and I need you but not like this” you sniffle. “I love you”, he says back in one breath though his hands were shaking to stop your tears. Part of you knew you’d come back to him in time but for now, you leave the room and shut the door. “I love you”, you hear from behind the closed door; you turn around.

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ellewritesalright · 9 months

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Nine Long Years - Part 6/?

Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld!reader, Kaz Brekker x sister!Rietveld!reader (platonic)

Part 1 --- Part 2 --- Part 3 --- Part 4 --- Part 5 --- Part 7

Synopsis: After watching your brothers die, you found yourself working on the Volkvolny. In the many years since then, you somehow became the queen of Ravka while your brother somehow survived firepox and life in the Barrel, rising through its ranks. In disguise during a diplomatic trip with your husband Nikolai, you meet Kaz Brekker for what you think is the first time, only to find out that he is your long-thought-dead little brother.

Author's Note: Hi! It's been a while, huh :) ? Get ready to buckle up again cause this part is another 10k words of mess and destruction <3 Hope you're ready for it. Also this part picks up directly after the events of part 5 and then takes place over a few months, so I hope it makes sense to y'all

Warnings: heartbreak, mentions of death, angst with minimal fluff in this part, mentions of sickness, panic attacks, firepox, mentions of the Hertzoon con. and if i'm missing something pls lmk

Word Count: 10,020

……….

FIFTH YEAR

You had a bag packed and ready by dawn. All you had to do was find a horse, then you'd be headed far away from this camp and the people you'd devoted so much of yourself to. Even if it pained you to leave them, it would pain you more to stay; so you snuck out of Tolya and Tamar’s tent and into the camp. You quietly approached the stable area. Not everyone was awake yet, but a few soldiers were up and roaming already. Still, no one noticed you as you went along–or, you thought no one noticed. As soon as you laid hands on one of the horse's reins, a voice called out to you.

"Leaving so soon?"

You turned and saw Mal with his arms crossed.

"Wouldn't have anything to do with your captain and Alina's engagement, would it?" He asked.

"What's it to you?" You countered, dropping your hands to your sides.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you and him are involved. So if you leave, what's stopping him from wanting a real relationship with Alina?"

You rolled your eyes. "He can have a real relationship with whoever he wants, I don't give a shit."

"But I do." He pursed his lips and sighed. "I care about Alina, and this whole… situation with Sturmhond is stupid."

"Prince Nikolai, not Sturmhond," you corrected. "And I rather think he'd call it 'mutually beneficial' for him and the saint."

"It's a sham is what it is."

"Well, take that up with him, not me." You turned back to the horse you planned on stealing.

“Back to the topic, though. You're leaving?"

"You're staying?" You sassed over your shoulder.

"I love Alina. No matter how angry I am with her or with Nikolai right now, I love her. So I'm going to protect her and stand by her, even when we don't see eye to eye."

You glanced back at him, voice quiet. "How can you do that?"

"Because it's always been her and me. Together. And I would rather be with her and be miserable than be without her and be devastated."

"I don't think I can do that for Nikolai," you admitted, eyes drooping to the ground.

"Do you love him?" Mal questioned.

More than anything, you wanted to say, but all you could manage was a shaky nod.

"And how would you feel without him?"

"Terrible." You felt your blood boil at the thought of it. "But having him like this–in the night, behind closed doors–when she'll have him in every way that counts? I can't live that way."

"She won't have him like that," he scoffed. "She loves me as much as I love her, and she wouldn't have him in any way other than ceremonial. I mean, it's like a stupid show for the Ravkans, for saint’s sake."

You whipped around to him, bordering on incensed. "And when they're married, when they have to have children--heirs--what then?"

"It won't come to that. I won't let it,” he ground out, his face going red.

"You can't stop it, Oretsev."

"Just watch me, Rietveld." He looked as angry as you felt, but he took a breath and made his next words calm yet firm. "I won't let it happen. And if you stick around, there's even less of a chance it will happen."

"I can't watch this 'show,' as you put it. It hurts too much just thinking about it all; seeing it would kill me."

His face softened. "Rietveld, please, stay with us. At least until we make it to Os Alta. You could find a job in the city, or you could always stand as a private guard–that’s what I’ll be doing. And if it ever feels like too much, come talk to me. Vent to me. I’m on your side here–I hate this all just as much as you do.”

You considered his plea. You didn’t realize how this would affect him too. It felt like the lash of this engagement had only cut you, but it was selfish to not realize how others around you were bleeding. This sort of thing hurt everyone involved, not just you–though admittedly it hurt some people more. With a frown, you realized how Alina and Nikolai must also be in pain.

But despite your deeper understanding of the situation, you couldn’t feel sorry for Nikolai–he was the one who’d dealt the blow, and he would have to lick his own wounds.

“I’ll stay,” you told Mal. “But I swear I’m not going anywhere near Nikolai. I’ll only be here to stand guard of Alina with you.”

“You realize they'll likely have to spend time together and you’ll have to see him?”

“All I have to see is Alina, he’ll be peripheral from now on.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “Thank you.”

You nodded at him and squared your shoulders. “Where is the saint then? I’d like to start working.”

……….

At first you thought the journey to Os Alta would be no big deal, that you would be able to handle how he rode side by side with her or in a pretty little carriage while you were riding ten feet behind at all times. And it almost was no big deal, for the most part. Alina didn’t seem swayed by his joking or small talk, she was too proud to let him in after he’d lied about his true identity all the time he was at sea with her and Mal.

But it was when you stopped in all the little towns on the way to the capital that things became rough. Nikolai put on a show for the Ravkans, charming them left, right, and centre. And his pretend affections--if you could even call them pretend considering how real they looked–slowly showed more blatantly in front of the townspeople and First Army escort. His hands would linger on Alina’s as he helped her off her horse; his eyes would watch her softly, as though she was the light of his life; he spoke of her to his travelling companions and hosts with a reverence and care that made your stomach twist each time you overheard it.

You kept yourself busy, preferring to spend your time with the horses or sitting in the corner listening to the gripes and gossip of the First Army soldiers. If ever Nikolai glanced at you and you caught him, you always glared back until he looked away first. Sometimes you saw a glimmer of hurt in his eyes from your harsh stare, but you couldn’t allow yourself to feel bad for him. This was his doing, after all.

Sometimes Tamar or Tolya would sit with you. They would all glare at Nikolai just like you did, though you tried to dissuade them. Well, you didn’t try very hard to dissuade them; you would give them each a look if you ever caught them doing it, but you never said anything as you were silently grateful that they sided with you. The twins had known Nikolai longer than they’d known you, and you felt weird being the reason they were icy with him. And yet, you kept repeating to yourself that this was his doing, that they were also upset about the way he treated you.

The arrival at Os Alta could not have come sooner. You were glad to be in a more permanent spot, though you couldn’t say either building would ever feel like a home to you. You were used to the open decks and low ceilings of schooners and ships, or the modest rooms of inns, or even the little farmhouse you’d grown up in. The Grand and Little Palaces were greater than any building you had ever seen. When you’d been in Ketterdam, you thought the exchange was the most massive place in the world, but now you knew you were wrong; the Grand Palace stood three intimidating stories high, with marble and gold inlaying almost everything.

It was odd picturing Nikolai’s youth here. You couldn’t imagine being a child in a place like this; how impersonal it all felt to you, with its glimmering white walls and landscape oil paintings, but how much worse it would have been to be a kid here. You supposed that was why Nikolai had made an effort to fill the captain’s cabin on the Volkvolny with all manner of cozy blankets and furniture and knick-knacks he’d acquired from his travels.

Luckily for you, though, the only times you had to be in the Grand Palace was when you were on guard for Alina and she had a meeting or had to attend dinner over there. Most of your time was spent with Alina in the Little Palace. While still massive, the Little Palace had much more charm to it, with its lovely carvings and pearl embellishments. On days when you weren’t guarding Alina, you’d taken to sitting by the lake and watching the Second Army summoners training.

And, now that you had more officially started working as a member of Alina’s guard, the times you saw Nikolai were more manageable. Most times you saw him, there were royal officials or army generals around, so he had dialled back his smittenness with Alina compared to when you were all on the road. Moreover, he barely spoke to you, though you supposed that was because you never spoke to him. The most you conversed–though it was one-sided–was a short greeting and nod from him before you tilted your head away to watch whatever Alina was doing. He didn’t push it beyond that; he didn’t dare, knowing the anger you carried last time you two spoke.

It felt slightly odd to you that the last time you’d actually talked to him was weeks ago when he told you of this engagement with Alina. You’d never gone that long without speaking, not since you first met him. Even before you were his second in command, he made it his mission to speak to you and every crew member on the Volkvolny at least weekly.

His greeting to you today was the same as it had become as of late. You were with Alina at a meeting of First and Second Army generals in the Grand Palace. At the end of the meeting when almost everyone had cleared the room, Nikolai approached you.

“Rietveld,” he smiled at you, giving you an almost awkward nod. But rather than keep it at that, he also said, “You look well.”

You wanted to scoff. You’d barely gotten any sleep the night before because of your nightmares. They’d returned since you started sleeping by yourself again. Night after night, you kept waking up having relived your brothers’ deaths, and there was no one with you to help you through it.

You tilted your body away from Nikolai, doing your duty as you looked at Alina. You knew she was safe since she was just speaking with Mal, but you needed the poor excuse to turn away from the infuriating man beside you.

“I thought you might like to know that a team of Fabrikators and I are rebuilding the Hummingbird after the crash through the fold. It will be docked at the lake behind the Little Palace, so you’re welcome to visit it any time, to see how it progresses.” He spoke with all the confidence he usually exuded, though one look at him and you knew better; his eyes were nervous as he extended this small gesture of goodwill. He was worried about what you might say or do, you just knew it.

You almost said nothing, but as you looked into his eyes, you let out a short huff and grumbled, “Well let’s hope this one flies better than the last.”

“Truly,” Nikolai grinned, pleased that you’d given him a response.

You looked at Alina again and noticed she was leaving the room, so without another word, you left Nikolai.

……….

It was happening again.

You were on the streets of the Barrel, hurrying to reach your brothers after a long and stressful day of work. You wove through the alleyways, your feet moving like air; you were weightless–drifting. There was a light scraping, the prodding of the Bodymen's hooks against the cobbles, and a horrible thought came to your mind. You tried to move faster, but your feet were still drifting. All you knew was that you had to get there faster–had to say goodbye to your brothers.

Suddenly, something shifted and you were upon the tall stack of crates Jordie and Kaz were hiding behind in their time of illness. You stepped up slowly, only to see Nikolai sitting there in the place of your brothers.

He lay in a heap on the cobbles; weak with firepox, and mumbling nonsensically. Your feet could not move fast enough to be with him.

You crumbled down to your knees beside him. And you reached for him, but he used what little strength he had still left in him to push you away. You tried again, but he swatted you back with a sick wail in his throat. Again and again, you reached for him, trying to hold him in your arms, to touch his forehead or grab his hand, to comfort him in whatever way you could, but he always evaded you.

And then when you finally got hold of his shoulders and leaned in to look at his face, he shoved you away with a great force. You were knocked down beside him, and his face turned angry–hateful.

Suddenly, he shouted at you, "This is all your fault!"

You woke up with a start. Sweaty and shaking in the dark, you rushed to light your bedside lamp. The dim flame brought you some comfort, but as soon as you started to dwell on the images you’d dreamt, you felt nausea gripping you tight. You could taste the death in your mouth, stirring a sour, stale sickness inside you. You sat on the edge of your bed, your body doubled over and your head between your legs as you tried to shove the rot away.

You tucked your knees up to your chest as a sob tore through you. It was moments like this that made you most angry over Nikolai’s engagement; moments where you used to rely on him to help you, but where you couldn’t anymore. Since that trip to West Ravka a year and a bit ago now, he was the one to pull you out of any nightmares and back to the warm reality of his arms around you. But now for the last two months, he was all the way in another stupidly grand building. And engaged. And utterly unavailable to you.

You huffed, shoving to your feet despite how weak your limbs felt. With a cloak over your pajamas and your boots to protect you from the autumn evening chill, you travelled out of your stifling bedroom, through the tall halls of the Little Palace, and out into the open sky of the outdoors. You gulped in the crisp air, clearing your lungs of death as you listened to the crickets. You looked out at the lake behind the Little Palace and spotted Nikolai’s new flying boat modelled after the Hummingbird. The bobbing boat beckoned you closer.

In the moonlight, your boots crunched towards the short dock on the lake. It creaked underfoot as you approached the boat. Kingfisher was written in scripted lettering on the small vessel’s stern. The deck wasn’t too large, though there appeared to be a cabin beneath it, judging by a small circular window on the port side. You noticed the flicker of candlelight through this window, and before you could turn tail and run back in the direction you came from, you heard his voice.

“Can’t sleep?” Nikolai called out to you, appearing from the open hatch of the cabin

You gulped, not wanting to meet his eyes. You muttered, “Something like that.”

“I can’t sleep either,” he said.

He stepped towards the ramp that connected the ship to the dock. You ignored how he wrung his strong and greasy hands on a cloth. You also ignored the sweat on his brow, ignored the memories of all the times you’d once worked beside him. All the times you’d admired the concentration sculpted along his beautiful face. He wasn't dressed like the prim prince you'd seen the last couple of months, he looked more like the privateer you loved.

“Would you want to come aboard and look around?” he asked softly, his voice reminiscent of all the nights you’d once spent with him by your side.

You nearly shook your head, nearly said you should go back to sleep. But the lingering fears in your mind kept you from returning to the Little Palace. All that was there for you was nightmares and a Nikolai that despised you. At least this Nikolai spoke softly, with a lingering affection.

Silently, you climbed the ramp and boarded the Kingfisher. Your arms crossed as you took in the sails and rudders, the fine lacquer keeping the fine wood intact. The sway of the waves beneath brought you some peace. It was too long since you’d sailed.

“Come check this out?” Nikolai asked of you, tilting his head towards the stern.

You stepped over to the back of the boat, keeping a secure enough distance beside him as he braced his hands on the wheel. You eyed the lever that would adjust the sails so that Squallers could lift the boat. The designs were updated, but most everything looked the same as it was on the Hummingbird. Nikolai pointed to the back mast.

“When I pull the lever now, this mast will only tilt halfway, allowing smoother steering than the last one did,” he explained, his eyes alight. He looked like a kid on the first wintery day of snowfall.

He looked over and caught you staring at him. You turned away as soon as you could, but the damage was done. The soft adoration in his eyes snapped whatever tough resolve you’d built up over the last few months, and you took a sharp breath. It came out in a shaky exhale, and you brought your hand to your mouth.

“This is all your fault!”

The words he cried in your nightmare flashed through your ears, and you felt your throat tighten. You started sobbing, nothing held back as hot tears dripped down your face. You heard Nikolai sigh softly as he realized you were crying. Without hesitation, Nikolai brought you into his arms, holding you under the watchful eye of the moon. You should have been strong enough to push him away, to remind the both of you what you’d lost. But you just weren’t strong enough. It wasn’t in you to push him away like he had pushed you away in your dream.

"What’s wrong, my darling?" He murmured into the crown of your head.

“Nightmares.” There was so much more to your pain, but this was all you could say.

His voice fell to a whisper, "Oh, darling."

He held you close, swaying you for a moment as you stood on the deck, then he ushered you to the cabin hatch. He brought you below deck, sitting down on a plain bench with you as a lantern burned in the corner. As you sat there, you felt the boat swaying gently, rocking you.

Nikolai's one hand caressed your back, rubbing warm circles into you, as the other cradled the back of your neck, holding you securely as you leaned against his chest. He smelled like salt, grease, and pine; it was a combination so familiar and so Nikolai. You forgot what it was to breathe him in.

There was a bubble in your throat, an aching pressure on your larynx as you sobbed into his half-laced shirt. You tried to keep it inside, tried not to let the bubble burst and the truth come out, but you hadn’t been good at hiding things from him ever since the first night he saw you cry.

“I just miss you,” you whispered, praying he didn’t hear you.

His hand stilled on your back for a moment, then he kept rubbing along it. He heard, then. And yet, he didn’t say anything. He just held you to him as you kept crying.

The scent of him lingered as you stayed in his arms. Even after you shut your eyes and felt your brain slowly falling asleep, you could smell him. The boat kept rocking, and soon enough your body fell asleep in the comfort of his familiar arms.

……….

You could hear birds when you woke up. The air smelled crisp. Your eyes blinked open, looking around at the cabin of the Kingfisher. It looked bigger in the light of dawn. You lifted your head off of Nikolai's chest.

A sick form of embarrassment took root in your chest. There was no humiliation quite like falling asleep in the arms of someone you swore you were done with. And he awoke with you, just as light a sleeper as he'd always been. He smiled softly at you, and you had to look away and get up lest you do something even more stupid.

"I should go," you said, straightening out your cloak as you went to the hatch. It was still dawn, the sun had barely risen, but you needed to be off of this ship and back into your room before people started waking up.

"Or you could stay," Nikolai replied quietly, standing with you. "We could talk about us? About last night?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Nikolai," you huffed.

"Darling, you were sobbing last night. I haven't seen you as bad as that since that time we were stranded in West Ravka." Nikolai sighed, stepping a bit closer to you. You let him grab your hand. "I made a promise to myself that night that I wouldn't let you cry alone ever again.”

You pursed your lips, saying something he knew. “You’ve already broken that promise."

“I know. I know I have, so the least I can do right now is talk and listen to you until you’re better.”

“I’m not going to get better," you scoffed.

He knew that too, you were certain of it, but he didn’t dare say it aloud. Instead, he said something much more stupid. “If I knew the people of Ravka would accept me as their king I never would have–”

“Stop,” you said tiredly, dropping your hand from his. You folded your arms around yourself. “I don’t want to argue right now. You’ve made your choice, and that’s that.”

Nikolai went quiet, his eyes dropping to the floor. You took a breath and climbed up the hatch, into the open air, and into reality. You walked across the deck, but stopped at the ramp when he cleared his throat and called your name.

"I have a test flight of the Kingfisher this afternoon." He gave a weak knock to the mast, a paltry smile on his face. "You're more than welcome to come watch.”

“I’m on duty later, I’m not sure I can come.” At your sides, your fingers balled into your cloak.

“I invited Alina already. She said she has Grisha training, but she might be able to make it.”

You nodded politely. “Then perhaps I’ll see you again later.”

“Perhaps.”

You turned to leave but he called your name again. You looked at him, watching his nervous eyes.

“I… I hope you know that you can always come to me when you’re hurting. I’ll never turn you out,” he said softly. “Or if you’re not upset but you just feel like talking to me, I’m here for you.”

His words made your blood sting. You knew he didn't mean to make you mad, that he was being sincere and kind, and yet you couldn't stop the low-boiling rage that seeped into your veins. Why he couldn't just say that he missed you and that he had made a colossal mistake, you didn't know. Why he felt the need to cloak his regret in some twisted extension of goodwill, you also didn't know.

If you were even angrier, you might have called him a coward, but instead you shook your head and gave him another polite smile.

“Thank you, your highness, but don’t ever expect me at your door.”

He frowned and glanced out at the lake. “I wish you wouldn’t call me that. You know we’re beyond formalities.”

“I’ve nothing else to call you now besides formalities.” You turned on your heel. "Have a good day, your highness. I won't bother you like this again."

"It wasn't a bother," you heard him mutter as you descended the ramp and hurried back to the Little Palace.

……….

Your day wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Sure, you woke up in Nikolai’s arms, but other than that nothing of note happened. You guarded Alina, you escorted her around, then you came back to the Little Palace.

As you were turning down your bed for the night, you heard a soft knock at your door. You expected it to be one of the twins challenging you to a game of cards before bed as you sometimes did with them. So you gently called out for them to come in.

It was not Tamar or Tolya. Or even Alina or Mal, the only other people whose quarters belonged in this wing of the Little Palace. It was someone who was not supposed to be here.

"No," you shook your head at him as you glanced back and saw him. You hadn't snapped at Nikolai this morning, but as he shut the door behind him you felt the urge to chew him up and spit him out. "Are you crazy? What are you doing here?"

"You said you wouldn't bother me, but I made no promises not to come and bother you," He said with a playful shrug. "Besides, last night reminded me of how terribly I sleep without you."

"You shouldn't be here, you'll be caught," you said quietly, though with a measured level of anger.

"By whom? The twins? Mal? Alina? They all know our feelings for each other, and they won't care."

You crossed your arms. "Well, I care. Staying with you on that damned boat last night was a momentary lapse of judgment, not an invitation to make this into a habit."

"To me, it's just a way to sleep better," he said softly, stepping a bit closer to you. "I would rather have four hours of high-quality sleep with you in my arms and have to sneak back to the Grand Palace while it's still dark. The alternative is tossing and turning alone in my bed because I feel so incredibly alone I could scream."

“I don’t care if you’re lonely! I don’t care!" You stormed up to him, glaring a hole into his beautiful hazel eyes. "I'm lonely too, but I don’t cry about it to you. Because what good would it do? Would it change your mind? No, it wouldn’t."

Nikolai raises his brows slightly, a signal he's about to talk, but you cut him off with a huff.

"So, your highness, no matter what you say to me, no matter how badly you want me to, I will not warm your bed. Not if there is no real future with me by your side as anything more than a mistress that you hide away from the world!”

He opened his mouth to try to speak again but a loud knock on the door cut him off before he could.

You raised a hand in front of him in a halting motion. “Don’t. Don’t say whatever it is you’re going to say. I don’t want to hear any more on the subject or I will leave Os Alta. I will pack my things and head for the coast. Because I won’t do this. I… I can’t.”

You ignored the tremble in your lip as you watched him stand there, dejected. Something in the way he stood made him look like a small child after a scolding. It was almost enough to make you feel bad for lashing out at him. Almost.

Another knock at the door made you take a breath, and you stepped back from Nikolai again.

“Come in,” you called out.

The door opened to Tamar, Tolya, Mal and Alina standing in the hall. Great, you thought, you’d woken everyone with your yelling. With your luck, all of the Little Palace heard your grievances.

Tamar and Tolya came to your side, not-so-subtly standing between you and Nikolai. Mal and Alina remained in the doorway.

“Is everything alright?” Tamar asked, carefully looking between you two.

“Nikolai was just leaving,” you muttered.

“Good. I’ll walk him back,” Tolya said.

“I’ll go too,” Mal piped in.

Nikolai shook his head with a sad little frown. “I don’t need you to–”

“C’mon, your highness.” Tolya ushered him from the room.

The last you saw of him was an ashamed glance he cast over his shoulder as he passed Alina in the doorway. Once he was gone you approached the summoner.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” you said to her. You looked at Tamar. “You and the others as well.”

“It’s alright.” Alina gave you a paltry smile. “If you want me to, I can punch him again.”

“Same,” Tamar said. “Or I’ll get Tolya to do it. That would be a spectacle.”

You chuckled. “That won’t be necessary. But thank you.”

When you looked at Alina again you saw a guilty gleam in her eyes. She almost matched Nikolai’s levels of shame as she wrought her hands. Then she suddenly hugged you.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled beside your head.

You wrapped your arms around her.

It wasn’t her fault, though you couldn’t deny that you resented her a little. She would have the greatest love of your life, living in the peaceful eye of a hurricane, while you would be caught up in the worst storm imaginable, peering through to them with desolate eyes as you tried not to lash out and harm them.

But it still wasn’t her fault. It was squarely on Nikolai. And yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything to her, to so much as accept her apology.

Alina let go of you, and she and Tamar said their goodnights.

You couldn’t sleep, so you lay in bed, watching the stars through your window.

You recalled starry nights at sea, when the sky and the water were one with twinkling specs of white on the darkest blue you’d ever seen. Nights when you were happy, wrapped in a warm and familiar pair of arms, and the worst kind of storm you knew of only involved heavy rain on the deck of a ship.

……….

As luck would have it, there was a hunting party leaving the next day. Mal was going, and after the fiasco with Nikolai the night before, he invited you to join him and the group of nobles and high-ranking military faces on this hunt.

You gladly seized the opportunity to be away from the palace for a spell, and now you were riding horseback alongside Mal. The last time you'd ridden beside him was the road to Os Alta, but you shoved that memory aside. Nikolai was there then, putting on the show of his engagement for the Ravkan people. Saints, no matter what you were doing or what memory you carried he always seemed to linger, staining your mind and your every moment.

You shut your eyes for a second, your grip tight on your reins.

"Everything alright?” Mal’s voice reached your ears.

You glanced at him. “I’m fine.”

“Rietveld,” he started, eyes darting around before he lowered his volume. “I hope you can enjoy yourself this week. You deserve the time away from it all.”

“I know.” You nodded. “I just… I don’t know how to get through this.”

“Well, you’re faring better than our lovely prince.”

Were you though? You might have been the one to reject him last night, but you were also the one who broke down in front of him then passed out in his arms the night before. You supposed neither of you were taking this well.

“And how are you and Alina?" You asked quietly.

He turned his eyes ahead. "We're…"

You nodded after a long moment when he could not respond. "Yeah. I get that."

"It's a bit shit, isn't it?"

"A whole bucket-load of shit is more like it."

He shrugged in agreement.

……….

While you could admit it was a marvel watching Mal tracking, the hunting part of the trip was not nearly as interesting as the evening dinners. You'd be sat at tables between Ravkan lords and generals and dignitaries, listening to their stories and answering their questions. Speaking with them reminded you of your time with Lady Trokowsky; so many of them were as curt and prim as her. And though some of them were also a bit pompous for your liking, you held your own in their conversations. Plus, when there was wine and good food, even the most irritable guests were made tolerable.

"Were you really a sailor, Ms. Rietveld?" One of the lords asked you on the third night. "Grigor here says you were, but I can't imagine you at sea."

"And why's that, my lord?" You raised a brow. "Do you not think me capable?"

"Oh, not at all! Aside from our esteemed Oretsev here, you've shot the most game--I think you are very capable indeed. I just can't envision a young woman as refined as you in the life of a sailor."

"You think I'm refined? My lord, you flatter me," you said, smiling politely and tilting your glass at him. That was what Lady Trokowsy used to do when paid a compliment; you took your cues in manners from your time with her. You noticed Mal leaning forward in his seat.

"Ms. Rietveld is more than accomplished. If I'm not mistaken, she knows five languages, she can track and divide large sums all in her head and without paper, she's quite gifted with a sword, plus if you're bleeding and broken she's great to have around when there's no corporalniks nearby."

The table guests all nodded their heads, murmuring in approval, and you gave a slight look of thanks to Mal. As their new favourite hunting guest, his word meant a lot to these people. You were grateful for their good opinion; you hoped perhaps one of them might offer you a job or help you once you one day decided to leave Alina's guard.

Dinner carried on, with many of the guests asking you more about yourself or even just your opinion on local matters or the state of the war. They all seemed pleased by your answers, and you left for your tent that night feeling good about yourself and your future. Mal walked with you, and he nudged you with his elbow.

"We've got a future diplomat on our hands," he smiled.

"Well, you helped out quite a bit."

"I said one thing. The rest of that was all you, Rietveld. You charmed them all by yourself."

You sighed at his words. A small grin took up your face. "I kind of did, didn't I?"

"You definitely did." He turned to you as you stood outside your tent. "I'm glad you came on this trip. And I'm glad you got to see what kind of life you might have ahead of you."

"And what kind of life is that?"

"A life of rubbing elbows with the Ravkan 'elite.' You're already pretty good at it, but it's nice practice for once you're one of them."

You gave him a look. "Mal, that's never going to happen."

"It will once Nikolai marries you," he smirked.

You frowned at his chipperness. "He's already engaged, remember?"

He lowered his voice, looking around to check if anyone was nearby. "Alina's not going to marry him. Trust me. She doesn't want that life. When all is said and done, she won't go through with it."

"And you think he'd just marry me?" You asked in an irritated whisper.

"Yes. He loves you."

"I have nothing to offer him. At least Alina's a saint."

"He loves you, Rietveld," Mal repeated.

You looked at him, saw the certainty in his eyes, and had to look away again. You hated how sure he seemed. How confident he was, even though you knew better and he should know better too. Even if Alina didn't end up marrying him, Nikolai wouldn't marry you. The last few months had shown that. He would no doubt choose a princess or a very rich man's daughter, of which you were neither of those things.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Oretsev," you muttered, then ducked into your tent.

……….

Alina was there to greet you and Mal when you arrived at the Little Palace. But unfortunately, Mal kept riding to the stables, practically ignoring Alina. You had no idea what happened there between them to have him ice her out like that; all trip Mal had only complimentary things to say about Alina. Still, you supposed if any of the hunting party asked your opinion of Nikolai you would only say favorable things.

Regardless, Alina was there to offer you a hug and walk with you inside the Little Palace.

"How was your trip?" She inquired.

"Good. It was nice to be away for a bit," you said, remembering the tense circumstances before you'd left. "And nice to spend time with Mal. He's a good friend, even if he embellishes a bit."

"Saints, he embellished what exactly?" She raised her brows worriedly.

"Well, he was talking me up to some of the guests and he made me out to be some daring and sophisticated hero."

"Why's that?" She chuckled.

"No idea why. At one point he even said I went to the university of Ketterdam and graduated top of my class. Meanwhile, I was never educated past fifteen years old; I was raised on a farm, for saint's sake."

"Well, I'm glad he talked you up." She smiled at you. "I'm sure it made those stuffy lords and generals more pleasant to be around if they thought you were admirable."

"I suppose it did." You looked at her. "He talked you up too. Turned more than a few of them on to your side as the new leader of the second army."

"He did?"

"Yeah, he's really good at all of that."

A gentle silence filled the air. You weren't sure if it was because you'd told her what Mal got up to while they were apart, but she decided to talk about what Nikolai had been up to. Apparently, he mostly spent his time fine-tuning the Kingfisher or a number of other inventions he'd set up work on near the Summoner Pavillion.

"Also, last week he did something odd," Alina said as you arrived at the wing where both of your rooms were.

"Odd how?" You asked.

"Well, we were meeting with the royal family's jeweller." She saw the quizzical curve of your brow and added, "For Nikolai's birthday next month."

You pursed your lips. "Oh. Right."

"Part of the preparations was getting fitted for outfits and choosing which royal jewels and crowns to wear. It was a lot." She sighed. "And when we were going through the royal jewels, that’s when he did something odd."

"Oh?"

"The jeweller was showing off different crowns and tiaras for me," Alina blushed slightly, "and when he pulled out some sapphire crown, Nikolai lost it for a second."

The mention of a sapphire crown made your face burn. Could it be the crown you'd helped Nikolai recover? The crown he'd once put on your head and called you moya tsaritsa--his queen? Your heart hammered in your chest.

"He…" You furrowed your brows. "He lost it? What do you mean by that?"

Alina leaned in conspiratorially, lowering her voice despite how you were alone.

"Well, I wouldn't compare it with other people's losing it, but for Nikolai, it definitely made him lose it. He's usually so calm and everything, but he looked upset. He got all pale and then he looked at the jeweller and sternly said something like 'I told you very specifically not to put that crown in the selection.' And when the jeweller said that the queen wanted me to pick from everything, Nikolai started to go red, and he said 'I don't care what my mother said. This crown isn't to be worn.'"

Your lips parted slightly, and you glanced away for a moment, parsing out what she'd said.

Had Nikolai really been that upset over seeing that sapphire crown on display? You cared to know what upset him about it. Was it the sight of it? Or was it the thought that Alina might have picked the crown he foolishly thought you would one day wear? You weren't sure. You didn't even know if he had actually thought you could be his queen; but regardless, he had to know now that you weren't an option.

Alina chuckled slightly. "That's odd, right?"

"Yeah…" You said softly. "Odd."

……….

It was your first day off after you'd gotten back from the hunting outing. So, like most of your days off, you decided to take a walk on the Little Palace grounds. There was a pretty path behind the lake, and you were admiring the changing leaves of the trees all around you. It was understandable then that you didn't notice someone's sudden presence.

A throat cleared ahead of you on the path and you instantly snapped into focus. Your eyes landed on Nikolai and you almost sighed but then your jaw tensed instead. Since you got back you had seen him while on guard, but you hadn't been alone with him since that night he'd snuck to your room. You were afraid that the furious nature of your last conversation would only continue if you spoke again.

He gave you a slight smile and a polite nod. His hands were clasped behind his back. You took in his clothes, the slightly unkempt way his fine shirt was tucked, and the grease spot on his trousers. He must have been working on the Kingfisher again when he saw you walk by and chose to follow you. Still, he didn't look like he was in the mood for an argument either, not with his diplomatic smile.

"How was your hunting trip?" He asked, finally breaking the silence between you.

"Fine," was all you said.

He nodded, shifting his weight on his feet. "I hope you weren't too bored with all the lords and generals. I know how dreadful those trips can be."

"It was fine, really," you said, crossing your arms. "Mal is a good friend to have around those sorts. He and I spent all the time while we weren't shooting to talk up our little saint; to win public opinion of her."

"I didn't think Oretsev was clever enough for that," Nikolai grumbled, the annoyance of his words hidden under a smile. "Using influential lords and the likes to bolster the public's opinion of Alina… good on him, I suppose. It's a smart tactic."

Something about his words, or perhaps his slight irritation and the fact that he had no right to be irritated, irked you to no end.

"You hypocrite," you scoffed. "You frown down on Mal for using these lords and changing their opinions to help your fiance, and yet it's you who's engaged to her just to use her sainthood to bolster your claim to the throne."

Nikolai chuckled lightly. “And she is using me so that my family doesn't declare her and all the other Grisha enemies of Ravka. I wasn't frowning down on Oretsev for using these hunting parties. Using people for one's own advantage happens all the time in politics.”

“So I’ve learned," you said, your eyes narrowed slightly on him. You watched him for a moment. "Were you using me?”

“What?” He turned to you, his eyes turning from slight amusement to a blinking bewilderment. “Of course I wasn’t using you,” he said softly. “Do you really think I was using you?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore, Nikolai. You told me you wanted us, now and always. You put a crown on my head and called me your queen.” You tugged your simple chain out from under your shirt and let Nikolai’s ring dangle on it. “You gave me a ring that I, very stupidly, believed meant something… And then you made me feel like an idiot for thinking you could ever be mine–that I could ever share my life with a prince.”

"You still wear the ring?" His eyes seemed hopeful.

"I… that's what you've latched onto?" You blinked at him.

He stepped closer to you. His eyes were earnest. "I'm sorry. I wasn't using you. It was always love between us; I wasn't going to exploit that."

"No, instead you broke it."

You saw it on his face. Yes, I broke it, was written in the mournful line of his mouth as his eyes drooped to his shoes.

"If I could take it all back," he said quietly, "I would. And you would be happy and I could stop worrying and it would all be back to the way it was before."

Your fingers balled up at your sides as you scowled. "And how was it before? You expect me to believe you would have married me once you were back to being a prince? When you were still Sturmhond you were so ashamed of me that we didn't even let the crew know we were together!"

"I wasn't ashamed–" he started but you stepped closer to him, eyes furious.

"Why would I believe you'd ever let the royal court know you wanted to be with a common sailor?"

"Because I would!" He exclaimed, a desperate glint in his eye as he brushed his hands through his hair. "Because I love you and--despite what you think–I am not ashamed of that love. I never have been."

He took your hand, and--ignoring the urge to break free and slap him or shove him into the dirt–you let him. He took a breath, letting his eyes meet yours again once he was ready.

“What I’m trying to say is that I–"

Nikolai cut himself off at the sound of footsteps approaching. He dropped your hand and took a step back, and you pretended his actions didn't sting. The approaching footsteps turned out to be Vasily, and you kept down the groan you wanted to make.

"Vasily," Nikolai nodded.

He put on a charming smile, though his chest rose and fell quickly. You didn't need to read his mind to know what he was thinking because you were thinking the same thing--how much had his brother seen between you two? It was a wonder with the way Vasily stared so skeptically at you both.

"Who's this you're speaking with, brother?" Vasily asked, sleazily eyeing every part of you besides your narrowed stare.

"This is Rietveld," Nikolai answered calmly, though you noticed how his hands were desperately trying to not ball up at his sides. "She was my second in command at sea, now she's one of Alina's guards."

He sneered as he glanced between you and Nikolai. "Ah yes, one of your… crewmates. Seems quite pretty for a sailor. I think you spoke about her before… didn't you say she was Kerch?" He addressed you. "Are you Kerch, girl?

"Yes," you replied with gritted teeth. He bent a superior eyebrow and you added, "Moi Tsarevich," with the bow of your head.

"A Kerch sailor," he mused. "I wonder where you met her… Was it Ketterdam?"

"Yes, brother," Nikolai said, his words carrying a careful twinge of annoyance.

"Such a pretty thing… I wonder, where in Ketterdam could you have found her?" He made no attempt to hide how he watched you like you were a piece of meat. "Did you pluck her from the Barrel?"

"Vasily," Nikolai warned with a low voice.

"I imagine she came from somewhere lush and expensive, at least I hope you didn't buy her out of one of the cheap brothels. Though she does have the scowl of a cheap whore."

Nothing more could be said on the topic, as Nikolai's fist came in contact with Vasily's jaw. You heard an ugly thwack sound, and Vasily stumbled backwards, landing on his ass on the dustiness of the dirt path.

"You filthy mutt!" Vasily spat. "You nearly knocked all my teeth loose!"

You expected Nikolai to straighten out with a diplomatic apology, sarcastically citing a lapse in judgment or pretending his arm had spasmed. You expected him to act as prince, but at this moment he was privateer instead. He bent down beside his brother and grabbed him by the collar.

"If I ever hear you speak about her like that again, I will punch you so hard you bite off your own tongue," Nikolai threatened. "Am I understood, brother?"

"Some brother you pretend to be–"

Nikolai's grip tightened. "Am I understood?"

"Yes," Vasily sneered.

Nikolai let go of him and stood to his full height, dusting himself off. He was back to being a dignified prince. "Good."

Nikolai glanced at you then glanced down the path in the direction back to the Little Palace. You took the hint, and silently but with quick steps, the two of you walked along.

The image of Vasily in the dirt brought you joy, though you couldn't say the same for the way Nikolai threatened him. Nikolai's actions frustrated you to no end, making you frown as you walked. It wasn't his job to do that, to fight for you, but he was a fool who treated it like his duty.

Once the Little Palace was in sight, you spoke to him.

"I've dealt with worse than Vasily, I don't need you to defend me," you asserted.

He looked at you. "I know you don't, but I wanted to."

"You don't get to anymore," you said, "you have a fiance to defend instead now."

Nikolai scoffed. "He called you a whore, what else was I supposed to do?"

"Let it slip by. Defending me is not worth the wrath of your brother."

"Please, I've already earned his wrath just by existing." He smiled. "And besides, it was nice to give him a whack like that. He deserved it for what he said."

You wanted to agree with him that Vasily deserved a whack, but you held firm. It was hard to tell if you were just being contrary for the fun of it or if you meant it.

"You shouldn't let him get under your skin," you muttered. "Don't do that again, Nikolai."

He slowed and you slowed with him. Stopped in the shade from the Little Palace, he looked at you, his stare earnest.

"I could tell you I will only let myself lash out at him just this once, but I would be lying." You thought he might hold your hand, but as he reached for you he thought the better of it and clasped his hands behind his back. "I would be lying, because if he–or anyone else for that matter--speaks about you like that again, hitting him would be the least of what I'd do."

……….

FIFTH YEAR - KAZ

Kaz didn't know why he was in Lij.

He hadn't been in his hometown since he moved away from it at nine years old. But he was walking the harbours of Ketterdam on his day off from the Crow Club and saw a boat travelling down the coast to the southern farmlands of Kerch. Next thing he knew, he was sailing away from Ketterdam.

Then he was in his old, simple little world. Acres upon acres of farmland, a town square with market vendors and people who smiled at other people without trying to steal their wallets… it all seemed so foreign to him now.

He went up the hill to his old farmhouse first. It had sat in disrepair for a few years now since his siblings moved to the city. The fields were wildly overgrown, but it still looked like a plot of good land. Kaz trudged through the weeds to the barn out back. It only took him four seconds to pick the lock on the barn door. The inside was empty, but it still looked alright.

He didn't dwell for long, though. He stood in the barn, shut his eyes for a moment, breathed in the farm air, thought briefly of his family--of how he missed them--then he left.

He relocked the barn, instinctively leaving it how it was found, then set out on another path down the hill.

Kaz passed by the well-kept house of Old Lady Trokowsky. How that Ravkan bat frightened him when he was younger. He had no idea how his sister managed to visit with her every other day just to read to her and keep her company. As Kaz recalled, her tongue was always so sharp, and she would shout at him and Jordie from the upper porch above her front door whenever they got into the slightest bit of mischief.

He wondered for a moment if she was still alive; in his memory, she seemed ancient, after all.

A broken post on her otherwise perfect fence caught his eye, and he nudged it with his foot.

"Rietveld? Jordan Rietveld!" A worn voice called out as soon as his boot made contact with the post.

Kaz's eyes snapped wide in surprise, and he instinctively straightened out at the memory of reprimands gone past. He looked up to the porch above her front door, and sure enough, sitting there by the railing was Old Lady Trokowsky. He would have smiled at the sight of a familiar face if he wasn't so frightened of her.

"Jordan Rietveld, what are you doing to my fence? And what are you doing back in Lij? Your family's supposed to be in Ketterdam!"

Kaz blinked up at her. Did she really think he was his brother? That he was Jordie?

"Well, young man?" Her gravelly old voice called down to him again.

He felt like a child under her eyes. He was fourteen now, yet he felt like he was six and following along with whatever trouble Jordie was getting into.

Trokowsky waved an arm in a resigned manner. "Oh, come inside, boy. I've got hot chocolate and cookies that I'm too old to stomach now. Eat and talk with me, Jordan."

Kaz paused at the gate. He wanted to pass by and head back to the town, but he felt a strange desire to go into her house. The closest he'd gotten to the house was standing in the doorway with Jordie when Da would sometimes send them to fetch their sister home early; the inside of it was always a mystery to him.

He passed through the gate and went up the stone path. It felt like he'd get in trouble, but he opened the front door and peered into the front hall. A caretaker for the bat came down the stairs to greet him. She directed him up the stairs and straight to the front where Lady Trokowsky would be waiting on the upper porch.

His eyes roamed the walls as he went upstairs. All these Ravkan portraits and plaques adorning her house--the burgeoning criminal in him told him he should swipe something, but he ignored the urge. His sister had always spoken highly of Trokowsky, despite how the bat would shout at him and Jordie, so he would respect his sister by respecting the bat's belongings.

He stepped onto the upper porch and noticed immediately that her eyes had a slight wispiness to them that no doubt impaired her vision. Cataracts, if that was the right term. This was likely why she didn't recognize him as Kaz but as his brother.

"Ah, Jordan Rietveld," she greeted in her worn voice, gesturing to the rocking chair beside hers. "It's been years, hasn't it?"

Kaz nodded and took a seat beside her. "Yes."

"How are you, boy? How is the city treating you?"

Like hell.

That's what he wanted to say. He'd been chewed up at spit back out by Ketterdam. He was rising through the ranks of the Dregs, but not without a few scrapes and tussles. He'd grown to be a swindler and a scammer, though he supposed that information would be quite useless to this old lady.

"Very well," he lied, feeling compelled to smile for the bat. "I've just been promoted at work."

"Oh, isn't that wonderful?"

She did something that was nearly a smile. Her wrinkly face tightened slightly with the weak force of her mouth muscles, stretching her lips in a kind position.

"And how is that young brother of yours? Is he still as much trouble as you?" She chuckled fondly.

"Kaz is dead," Kaz said bluntly. He almost didn't realize he said it at first, but then he noticed Trokowsky's face fall.

"Oh dear… I'm sorry to hear that. Your sister always spoke so highly of her baby brother," she said with a sad coo.

Kaz glanced away over the balcony. "Well, she's gone now too. Moved across the world."

"I suppose that explains why she stopped writing to me." Trokowsky sighed. "I thought she might have passed in that plague–what a terrible, terrible bout of firepox it was this last time…"

If only she knew, Kaz mused, holding back a wry smile.

"Do you ever see her? I'd love for you to tell her I say hello and that I miss her company," she said softly.

He didn't have the heart to tell her the truth. "I see her every few months. She comes to visit me in Ketterdam, or I go visit her in Novyi Zem."

"Oh, good. I'm glad to hear that." She smiled again. "Your family has suffered enough without being separated by something so trivial as the sea."

It seemed as though Lady Trokowsky might have said more on the matter, but a sudden coughing fit wracked through her. Kaz's body recoiled from her wheezing. It brought back memories of plague.

He balled his gloved hands into fists and he looked away from her as he waited for her coughing to end. She recovered from her fit, and he stayed long enough to finish his hot chocolate and eat three cookies while he listened to a couple of stories from the bat. But he didn't stay much longer than that. Trowkowsy grew tired, in need of an afternoon nap as the elderly sometimes need. She gave him a kind parting smile as her caretaker wheeled her to her room.

Kaz waited in the main foyer until the nurse came downstairs again. He procured a Crow Club card from his pocket and handed it to the caretaker.

"Please let me know when she passes," he nodded to the caretaker.

Then he left and went down to the town square again, heading for the municipal office. He tried to acquire his family's farm back from the township. He didn't quite have enough money to buy it back yet, but he knew he would put it under Jordie's name when he did. Or perhaps Jordie's middle name would lend itself better as the ink on a dotted line. Either way, he could not secure the deed today, so he found his way to a ship bound up the coast to Ketterdam, back to the city of thieves and barterers.

A few months later, Kaz received a short letter. Lady Trokowsky had died of her old age.

At her funeral, the name card on the grandest bouquet of flowers gifted was simply: "The Rietvelds."

..........

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment on this new part--I really appreciate the feedback! If you want to be tagged in this series or to be added to the Nikolai taglist please comment on this part or send me an ask. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

Part 7

Masterlist

Taglist: I will reblog this part with the tags because there's too many of you to tag and tumblr won't let me do it all at once

#nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov fic #grishaverse fanfic #nine long years

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drarryspecificrecs · 1 year

Photo

2022.12 ~ Top 10 longest fics posted on AO3

1. The Change Over Spell by Minzsanh --- translated by @zoooooey0610 [E, 128k]

►It’s a story about Harry hit Malfoy with the Half-Blood Prince's "Change Over" Spell, but he read the spell as "Change Ever", which not only turned Malfoy into a girl, but also made him think he and Harry were on a date. /// If the spell Harry saw was not the Sectumsempra.

2. Yes, Boss by lord_oberon2 [E, 102k]

►Rumors of Harry Potter being cursed circulate the wizarding community. He hasn't been seen in public for months. Bored, Alchemist Draco Malfoy hires him when Potter interviews for a security guard job. He has no idea that the wild, golden glint in Potter's eyes spells nothing but trouble.

3. Tapestry by @kbrick [E, 91k]

►[...] This is a love story that isn't perfect, about two people whose timing is never quite right, and all the moments that come together to make something extraordinarily beautiful anyway.

4. The Dustless Mirrors by @sugarplum-senpai [M, 90k]

►When Hogwarts reopens its gates after the war, Draco returns with weakened powers and memories of fire impairing his life. As he tries to gain his footing in the midst of far too many Gryffindors, exam preparations, and his place in the magical world, he must learn that dropping grudges can be easy, yet staying true to oneself, oh so very hard.

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►After his death and resurrection, Harry Potter gained the ability to communicate with the dead. He now works as a medium and “ghost detective” with his business partner: magical theorist Draco Malfoy. When they’re hired to cleanse a haunted manor by a desperate young couple, Harry and Draco stumble across a haunting unlike anything they’ve ever seen. As they work to uncover the dark and painful history of the home, they also uncover the feelings they’ve been hiding from each other for years, just in time to face the most dangerous case of their career.

6. red and green are complimentary colours by ace_0fhearts [T, 87k]

►After the war Hermione manages to convince Harry to go back to Hogwarts for his eighth year. Expecting an uneventful year of classes and rooming with the other Gryffindor boys, he’s surprised when McGonagall tells him he’ll be sharing a room with Draco Malfoy. Now Harry has to get through a year of arguments and awkward silences. Or he would, if Malfoy would stop ignoring him and moping around the castle alone.

7. The Silence of Your Love by malfoypolix [T, 76k]

►People refuse to believe Voldemort’s back, even though Harry seems to be living proof of it, with Cedric’s death, and his loss of hearing. Why won’t anyone believe him, though? Draco doesn’t buy it - and he’s trying to catch him in the act to make a fool of Harry. Breaking his things, shouting his name, learning sign language to make fun of him - you name it. But suddenly, Draco's put in a position where he needs to learn sign language. And when the bloody Chosen One is the only one who knows it, you have to take what you can get. Despite their differences, they both have one thing in common now.

8. You Make It Feel Like Christmas by @trash-tears [M, 52k]

►[...] It’s only too bad that when Harry Potter—the youngest Head Auror in a century—happens to need Draco’s help with a case, a string of encounters ensues that turn Draco’s pre-perceptions of him on their head. To make matters even worse, Potter brings Draco tea, and carries his bags, and says things that are much too straightforward for comfort. And if it makes Draco question why he ever hated the speccy git in the first place, well, that’s no one else’s business but Draco’s… right? Will flying South for Christmas spare Draco from heartache? And does it make sense to salvage the dwindling fire with his elusive beau, or will the kindle of a new flame give Christmas a whole new meaning?

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※ HONOURABLE MENTIONS :

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—

※ Word count: 1k ~ 15k

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—

Ongoing Fest/Exchange

※ Fics would be listed elsewhere.

25 Days of Draco and Harry 2022 | @slythindor100

Drarropoly '22: Magical Artefact Smugglers edition | @gameofdrarry

H/D Erised 2022 | @hd-erised

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2022 Harry Potter Trans Comfort Fest | @magicaltrans

Harry Potter Shenanigans 2022 Secret Santa

HFPC Holiday Bingo 2022

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Wheel of Drarry Mini-Exchange 2022 | @drarrymicrofic

#drarry #drarry fanfic #drarry fic rec #harry potter #draco malfoy #monthly review #2022

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star--joy · 11 months

Text

5 Times People Thought Percy and Vex Were Dating...

And the one time they decided to prove them right.

Chapter Four: Jarett

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: None

Words: 1353

Originally posted: 6/15/22

Ao3 link: archiveofourown.org/works/43509219/chapters/120750616

Jarett’s smile is small but smug as he rapidly lifts his cross-bow and lets two bolts fly through the air, landing perfectly in the center two different bulls-eyes. Awed eyes drift in his direction, observing his carefully practiced skill. His smile ticks up a little more.

“You just did that to show off,” Vex accuses, lowering her own bow and leveling him with a knowing look.

“Maybe,” he agrees, unashamed. That’s his favorite part of the archery range: the amazed looks he receives from all the beginners as he hits target after target without breaking a sweat.

Vex chuckles, a gleam making itself at home in her eyes. “If you really want to show off, darling, we could have a competition.”

Jarett chuckles, quick to shake his head. “I’m not that foolish, Vex. A wise man knows when to turn down a losing challenge.” Although Jarett has practiced with professional trainers and the best of equipment his whole life, he is well aware that Vex has a confusing level of skill that even he can’t best. If she had any interest, he’s sure she could make it to the Olympics. Would probably win gold, too.

“Stop being boring,” Vex grumbles, not even breaking her attention from him as she pulls back another arrow and lets it soar, hitting the mark precisely.

“Boring? Me? Oh, Vex’ahlia, now it’s you who’s being the fool. I’m sure I could show you a good time in many other ways,” he hums, throwing her a wink.

Vex’s laugh echoes through the field, loud and unrestrained. Jarett grins, even blowing her a cheesy kiss to get some more giggles. She pretends to catch it, holding the imaginary kiss to her chest dramatically.

The clearing of a throat slices through their fun. Behind Vex, a man has approached. Jarett vaguely recognizes him from around campus, though they’ve never interacted, and the tight expression painted over his face makes him straighten.

Vex glances over her shoulder, but shares none of Jarett’s caution. Instead, her face lights up. “Percy!”

The man, ‘Percy’, attempts to cover his frustration with a strained smile. “Hope you don’t mind me stopping by. Just thought I’d bring you some lunch,” he hums, doggedly not looking at Jarett. Sure enough, he holds a paper bag in his hand that no doubt contains a meal.

The smile that settles onto Vex’s face is one Jarett has never seen before. She’s always seemed to have an edge to her, whether it’s playful or serious, but this little grin is the softest thing he can imagine. “You didn’t have to do that, darling,” she hums, propping her bow on the ground and unstrapping her gloves.

Percy shrugs, some of that discontent melting away. “Yes, well,” he stutters, pale pink dusting the tip of his nose. “You’re always badgering me about coming down here, anyway.”

Vex giggles, standing on her toes to lightly kiss his cheek.

Jarett is only brought back to himself when he registers his cross-bow slipping from the slackened muscles in his hands. He just barely manages to regain his hold before it goes tumbling to the ground.

Vex is seeing someone?

Shit. He’d never actually liked her romantically, but they’re both flirtatious by nature. Even if it’s all jokes, he wouldn’t have gone that far if he’d known she’d been in a relationship.

And Percy certainly hadn’t seemed happy about it.

Fuck. The very last thing Jarett wants is to come between a relationship. That involves far too much drama.

“Come on, there’s a nice spot over here…” Vex says, leading Percy off without even a goodbye. Jarett watches them leave with a deep frown and a budding headache.

Perhaps he’ll have to talk with Percy, later, establish what the boundaries are.

For now, he goes back to his shooting and tries to ignore the clamor of laughter shared by the two of them.

*LINEBREAK*

When Jarett knocks on Percival de Rolo’s dorm, two days later, the door is opened by a redhead who greets him with a polite confusion. “Hi… um, can I help you?”

Jarett stares at her, eyes narrowing. “Hello. Is Percival here?”

She takes a small step back, and it occurs to Jarett that his tone was perhaps a bit more hostile than he intended, but he does not like the implication of a pretty girl being in the dorm room of Vex’s boyfriend. “Uh, no, he’s at class. Is everything okay?”

“What class would that be?”

“Fundamentals of Thermodynamics. Are— what do you need him for?”

“Just some homework help. Thanks,” Jarett grumbles, not bothering to stick around long enough to see if she believes him.

He may not be in love with Vex, but he does care about her. She’s a good fucking person, and if this Percival is cheating on her, well, Jarett can’t just do nothing. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he stalks through the hallways, eyes searching the crowd for a distinct head of white hair.

He finds him walking out of class, and his stomach twists when he sees Vex by his side. Shit, he’d hoped to break the news to her in a more secluded place, far, far away from Percy.

Before he can back off, though, wait until they separate, Vex spots him. Her head cocks. “Jarett? What are you doing here?” she sounds suprised, but pleased.

Percy follows her gaze to find him, and smiles thinly.

Jarett lets out a low breath. “Can we talk, Vex?”

She frowns, leaving Percy’s side to approach him. “Is everything alright?”

And then Percy is approaching, as well, awkwardly hovering near Vex with that strained expression of jealousy. Jarett doesn’t hide his glare. ��No. Listen, I don’t want to… make a scene, but—”

“Make a scene…? What are you talking about?”

“I— maybe we should do this somewhere else.”

Vex looks him over, eyebrows pushed together. “Alright. Percy, dear, I’ll just be a few minutes.”

Percy nods. “Of course. Shall I wait at your dorm?”

And Jarett knows, as he says it, that it’s a mistake, but he’s just so fucking angry at this prat’s nice-guy act that he can’t help but spit, “Oh, fuck you.”

Both Vex and Percy startle. “I beg your pardon?”

Jarett steps closer, eyes burning. “Don’t play dumb. I saw that girl in your apartment. How long have you been cheating on her?”

Silence. The people around them are openly staring, but he doesn’t care. Vex deserves so much fucking better.

“I… you mean to imply I’m cheating on… Keyleth?”

What.

“No— you’re cheating with her. On Vex.” His aggressive tone is suddenly undercut by confusion. What is he attempting?

And then, Vex giggles. It’s so out of place that both Percy and Jarett whip around to face her. She’s rubbing circles into her temples, but the laughter is unmistakable. “That’s not what’s happening, I promise you.”

“Vex, I— I’m sorry, but—”

She cuts him off. “If Percy were going to cheat on me, it wouldn’t be Keyleth. She’s his roommate, and they’re like siblings, but this is all really a moot point given that we’re not together.”

“I wouldn’t cheat on you at all—” Percy begins, frowning deeply.

“Like I said. A moot point. Percy and I are friends, nothing more.”

Jarett looks at Vex. Then at Percy. Back at Vex, trying to determine if this is some joke or prank or form of denial. Then closes his eyes and lets out a long groan. “Goddamnit.”

When he opens his eyes again, Vex looks faintly amused. “People really should stop jumping to conclusions.”

Percy huffs out a laugh.

“Look, I— Shit, I’m sorry.” His cheeks are burning, and he praises whatever god exists that the blush isn’t visible on his dark skin.

“No, I’m— it’s good to know you’d care. If something like that was happening,” Percy mumbles.

Jarett sighs. “Yeah. Listen, I’m going to go and… go somewhere else. Far away from here. Too awkward. Sorry again.” He’s practically running away before they have a chance to respond.

In the background, he can hear them chuckle, sounding as awkward as he feels.

#Perc'ahlia #Percy de rolo #Percy critical role #Percival de Rolo #Vex #Vexahlia #Vex'ahlia #Percahlia #critical role #vox machina #tlovm #the legend of vox machina #critical role fanfic

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ghostie-luther · 2 years

Text

Okay so I have been randomly flung back into my tmnt obsession phase I had as a child thanks to the new rottmnt movie on Netflix.

As you know, I love making things human au.

So.

Some personal headcanons!

(From a modern, adopted au, TMNT 2012 VERSE)

Leo

- full japanese

-17

-the only biological son of Hamato Yoshi

-he has naturally black hair, but dyed it so that when the light hits it, it shines blue. Like a raven, or crow.

-a warm complextion, slightly tanned from his father. His mother was ghostly pale (before she was actually a ghost LOL)

-deep black eyes that light up when talking about something he likes.

-he contests with Raph about his height, and always gloats that he is an inch or two taller. (He has dad check, for fairness).

-a lanky but slightly muscular body due to his training from early childhood

-he can speak fluent Japanese and English, and is working on Cantonese and mandarin.

-absolutely loves languages, the same as Mikey.

-was introduced to Karai through his father, and instantly developed a thing for her. Couldn't stop looking at her, imagined a life together, etc.

-this immediately ended when splinter dropped the sister bomb.

-poor boy avoided her for a while after that.

-is the most formal and disciplined with his training. Follows his father to a T. Like a mini splinter.

-absolutely excels at meditation

-the two of them lived in Japan until 6 years after his birth.

-After the move, splinter couldn't be bothered to cook him dinner as they had not properly settled in, so he took him to a resteraunt.

-he was told not to be rude as he loudly asked in English why people were not using chopsticks. People stopped and smiled, but Splinter was still mortified.

-didn't actually want to foster his brothers at first. In fact, he argued loudly against it, not wanting to share his father. Of course Yoshi was stern with him, but had an open conversation about how although Leo had an opinion, he also had the decision to open up his home, and grant others the family and same opportunity he had always had.

-he still was unsure, even after this. But once Raph arrived, a singular black trash bag filled with his belongings, face hard and knuckles stained with blood, he understood.

Raph

-the first of the brothers to be adopted.

-he was 10 when he joined the Hamato family, though it wasn't made official until he was eleven.

-currently is 17, three months younger than Leo.

-He is African American

-he was born in Chigaco but moved to the bronx mid childhood, and has the heaviest accent in the family

-when raph arrived he'd shaved his head completely, nearly down to the scalp

-since growing in the Hamato household, he let himself enjoy things specific to him, and grew his hair out

-right now he's rocking the sickest locs he's ever done

-he dyed the ends of his hair red in the bathroom sink

-went in to shower and came out with a whole new hair style

-splinter just eyed the front door and wondered if it was too late to go back to Japan and leave them there. Why must his boys love hair dye so much?

-nearly had his suitcase accidently packed and by the door when he found the stained bathroom. Raph was scrubbing that for HOURS.

-although he started training Martial arts through splinter at 11 to help his anger management, he has a very stocky but tall build do to his OLD anger management. Boxing. Dude can throw a punch.

-vibrant natural green eyes, which he gets from his father

-permanent forroughed brow lines LOL

-can only speak one language

-his favourite food is beef bunny chow. His mother's best dish.

-his father split and left them when he was a child, and from then on it was his mother, him, and his older brother

-his brother was much older, and unfortunately had a rocky outlook on life.

-he was placed in a juvenile detention centre when raph was 6, and he was 17. His mother, who was getting older at that point, couldn't handle the stress, and her health started to decline.

-Raph did everything he could to help his mother. He cleaned the house, did the chores, shopping, and when she became bedridden, did everything she asked. The two were inseparable.

-his brother was released, but then committed armed robbery, and was placed in jail. Real jail this time.

-then, when he was nine, his mother passed away peacefully in her sleep, him holding her hand the whole time, sleeping soundly beside her. His heart ripped in two when he woke up, and she didnt.

-due to his brother being in prison, he was put in a foster home. He got into many fights there, and became a rough, competitive boy. Iife wasn't fair to Raph, so why should he be fair to other people? He sent many boys to their forever homes with stitches in their heads.

-the foster matron had enough of other boys getting hurt, so she placed him in emergency care with someone who had eagerly put himself on the list over a year ago.

-Raph tried to fight Leo the second day at his new home. And was put in his place.

-but it's fine. If anything, he'd found a new challenge. It was worth the stay.

-seven years later, Leo and Raph are thick as theives, though the younger siblings and their dad don't tend to see it.

-he still has his rough attitude, but it's been sanded down to brotherly concern, annoyance, and love by now.

-hes the most over protective of the bunch, and isn't afraid to show it.

-speaking of brothers, his biological one is getting out soon...

Donnie

-the 2nd addition to their little home!

-hes 16, and the tallest of the bunch, much to the elders dismay.

-dude this dude is fucking LONG

-Latino (Italian)

-has a big gap in his teeth from not being able to afford braces as a child

-unconsciously blows air through it and whistles through it while he's deep in his work, and blocks it with his tongue to stop the noise, then does it again.

-cute brown eyes, but lowkey squinty because he grew up with no glasses. (Spoiler, he was supposed to have glasses). Now walking around without his NICE, SHINY, NEW, PRESCRIBED GLASSES is a habit that he can't shake off.

-grew his hair out because he got tired of cutting it. It's a gorgeous caramel colour, but he's thinking of dying it darker to get less compliments on it.

-full of anxiety, but refuses to take his medication because it makes him sleepy and why would you sleep when you could do EQUATIONS.

-hes actually been in the foster life the longest. He'd lived in the same foster home from the ages of two till twelve.

-it kinda broke him down. Sitting in his little corner all day everyday, watching all the old kids drifting out, new kids coming in, and repeating the cycle. (Why didn't anyone ever choose him?)

-is naturally super smart, and got so bored with life to the point where he found he couldn't have conversations with someone unless he was solving invisible questions in the back of his mind

-people stopped talking to him after he let that slip.

-he doesn't know what happened to his parents, but doesn't care enough to find out.

-he was running from bullies at school when he ran into Raph

-like literally. Ran into him. Wacked his nose so hard it started bleeding.

-(this was before his growth spurt, so his nose buried itself in Raphs shoulder)

-Raph scared the kids off, and demanded to know which one of them broke his nose.

-was not happy to hear the "you" part of that.

-so he took him home to Splinter to get cleaned up and taken safely home, and they just got talking until the subject came up on homelife and well, Raph had already gotten attached!

-the rest is history

-he can only speak one language, English. He'll only ever sit down and study something if there's some sort of Math or science involved.

-to his knowledge, he is an only child. Well, biologically anyway.

-has a slight lisp due to the placement of his gap.

-HUGE MASSIVE MONSTER CRUSH ON APRIL

-will trip over his tongue and forget English in her presence.

-he doesn't know this, but April kinda likes him back? It's only the beggining of her feelings, though, so she'll see where it takes her.

-Oh, and, she's not oblivious. She knows he has a massive crush on her.

-will eat anything junk food, and anything that will go in the microwave

-sometimes he's so into something they don't see him at dinner

-really REALLY wants a pet cat

Mikey

-oh my god where to start.

-hes 14, and is the last adopted

-He was adopted when he was twelve, a little over two years ago.

-now, nobody knows what his actual heritage is, and Splinter promised him that when he turns 16 they'll take him to wherever they needed to to find out.

-however...the baby of the family was born in Hawaii!

-this is where the confusion comes in, because he definitely isn't a native. More of a local?

-he has off-white skin (that actually can turn pretty tan, after the sunburn), baby blue eyes, and is absolutely smothered in freckles.

-all over his face, shoulders, arms, and chest. They're everywhere.

-golden blonde wavy hair that goes in every direction but DOWN.

-was accused of dying it because his roots are a dusty brown. It wasn't, and he nearly bought bleach to prove it.

-is the shortest, to no surprise.

-very skinny too, despite years of dancing and running around. He definitely has some muscles, and strength, but it isn't defined, to his disappointment.

-always covered in some type of scrape, cut, or bruise. He never knows where they're from.

-will blush from his shoulders to the roots of his hair when truly embarrassed. The others make it a game, who can get mikey the most red? (without saying anything to make him insecure).

-ADHDADHDADHDADHD

-he can speak fluent English and Hawaiian, which was the language he spent most of his life speaking.

-despite being the happiest and friendliest of the bunch, he keeps his past close to his chest. He doesn't speak much of his family, and nobody wants to ask.

-but I'm the author, and I'll tell you

-Mikey was born the second sibling, in a pack of EIGHT.

-his elder sibling was three years older, and to Mikey's knowledge he is still on the island.

-his parents were in an unhappy marriage, and spent their entire time in Mikeys childhood avoiding home just in case the other was there. (It was better that way. No fights and having to hide the younger ones under the bed). But this just meant that they were neglected, left at home with no parents for days.

-Mikeys siblings were all actually half siblings, including the elder. Not a single one was fully related (apart from the young twins).

-he was four when his mother slept around again, five when the first child was born. A girl. She didn't stop after that. His dad stopped coming home completely after a while. Years later, laying with his elder step brother, his brother confessed he'd seen him not two days after the first child was born, walking around with a pregnant woman. He looked happy. Mikey stopped believing he would come back after that.

-when Mikey was six, he truly set his childhood aside. His mother kept popping out babies then abandoning them to do things that would conceive another, so he and his brother (Dami) stepped up to raise them all.

-by the time Mikey was ten, he was practically the parent of six young children.

-while it hurt him terribly to be taken away from them by CPS, deep down he knows that they probably wouldn't remember him, save for Dami, and the immediate two youngest.

-they were all placed in different homes, and as the first one off the island, he doesn't know where they are, at all. They could still all be together on the island for all he knew. He still secretly cries about this all the time.

-growing up in Hawaii, he spent his life deeply submerged in the culture. He and the children of the family were welcomed with open arms in the community, and were deeply loved by all that lived there.

-he found a love for traditional dancing, and started practising when he was seven. He picked up on it fast, and within a year he was fluid and moved with grace, putting on shows for many who loved it.

-although he part of the community, he knew from a young age that he wasn't native to the land, and as such did research and asked elders and friends before he tried to learn or join something. Nobody ever had a problem with him though, as he was the (though wild and untamed) most polite and respectful boy, despite his upbringing, and he genuinely wanted to learn and be one with the community.

-he left the island with a head crammed full of knowledge, traditions, and culture. He knew the names of wild flowers, Gods, legends and Tales.

-he got to New York and was appalled. How could these people do this to their land? Their home? Rubbish on the street, randomly attacking people, bombs, guns, and knife violence? He didn't feel safe.

-his part of the island spoke both Hawaiian and English, although his English wasn't the best, and he had no trouble being placed in the placement centre. At first he acted out, pulled pranks, disrupted lessons.

-but then his social worker called Yoshi in, and now he finally feels safe.

Random other bits:

-Mikey doesn't speak Hawaiian around the family. They knew he grew up in Hawaii, but that's it. They don't know about the siblings, his language, his dancing, his art, nothing. He's surprisingly private.

-Raph let one brother each do a SINGULAR loc in his hair, which he then tied with either a blue, orange, or purple hairband. Donnies is the worst, all tangled and even breaking some of the hair off (Raph winced the entire way through), Leo's is second best, though he's used to working with his own PIN straight hair, and mikeys is surprisingly the best. Still wonky, but the best.

-Mikey let's himself goof off so much because he never had a childhood. As guilty as he feels about it, he's glad he's no longer baring such a huge responsibility.

-donnie skipped a grade and is in Leo and Raphs science, math, and geography classes.

-Leo falls asleep in geometry. Like. All the time. He's embarrassed everytime. ITS JUST SO BORING.

-karai lives with her roomate/on and off girlfriend shinigami. (She's 19).

-Karai lived with her uncle saki (who she thought was her father) until the police showed up.

-turns out she was kidnapped and there was a whole case about it years ago. Who knew?

-splinter had decided not to adopt anymore children after Mikey, and finding his daughter, despite the temptation. Five children is enough.

-(plus Casey and April, who practically live at the Hamato home).

-Raph will force mikey to jump on his back sometimes, though the younger doesn't really need to be forced.

I have alot more headcanons if you want to know about anything specific lmk :)

#rise of the tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt au #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #headcanons #tmnt headcanons #human au #rottmnt

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theendwhereibegin · 7 months

Text

Here goes nothing. Been a bit rusty as I haven't written in a while now, let alone, any fanfiction. I guess it's been a while since I have last felt this connection to an actor.

Please bare with me. This is my first story in the realm of Pedro Pascal fan fiction, so please be kind to me, and tell me if it really sucks.

So here it is, a bit of fluff with Pedro Pascal. * i cringed even typing that*

Enjoy!

Universally meant, Earthly bound

If you were to think that there is a force in the Universe that dictates how a select few, the chosen ones, the lucky ones, met, would you believe it?

story line

inner monologue

I was rushing through the city, once again. Why? Mainly because my only workout consists of hitting the snooze button a little too much in the mornings.

Running towards work, I realized that I had gone out of the house wearing my slippers. I didn't realize that on my own though, a 6 year old boy loudly told his mom while we were waiting to cross the street.

“Look mommy, she has Baby Yoda slippers on her feet. That is so cool. I want to be like her when I grow up”

Upon hearing that I turned my attention towards the pair, as his mom shot me a sympathetic look, a look that pretty much made me understand that she has most probably done it herself one too many times. The child was beaming towards me with a cute boyish smile and all my embarrassment melted away.

Yes, you read that right. I was now making my way to work while wearing Baby Yoda slippers, too sleepy to care about the looks I was getting from the random people passing me.

Let`s pause the story here for a bit. Now that we set the scene, I might as well tell you a bit about myself. I am in my early 30s, and some would argue I am at that age when I kind of need to be put together and not leave my house wearing slippers instead of proper shoes. I would argue that age is just a silly number, and it doesn`t dictate how you are supposed to live your life. I enjoy pretty much anything Netflix has to offer, long awkward walks in the park as I don`t really do socializing, and charity shops where I always seem to find a little treasure in the form of old and rare books. My name isn`t important at this point in time, but my job, well my job is the key element for this story.

...right I forgot to tell you the plot. Let`s just say that this is the story of how I managed to meet one of the biggest stars on this planet, probably Galaxy, while wearing house slippers, a coffee soaked white t-shirt and sporting a very Harry Potter like scratch on my right cheek. Now, shall we get back to our story? Where was I? Right! Going to work.

Going through the busy streets I stopped at a Starbucks to grab myself a coffee and something to eat before, what was supposed to be, a very long day at work. That`s where I soaked my t-shirt and got a pretty nasty cut on my face. How, you may ask yourself? That`s easy when your middle name is Clumsy.

After I got my coffee and sandwich, I turned around to be met by a silhouette as hard as a wall, which caused me to lose my balance and trip over a small dog, with the hot dark liquid flying in the air and landing on my t-shirt. While all that was happening, like it wasn`t enough, I fell face first in a wooden like fork, which managed to cause quite a cut. This sounds crazy, I know, but if something goes wrong for me, it`s going to be all at once.

“Are you okay?” asked the silhouette.

While trying to collect myself from the ground while the whole shop was looking at me I mumbled an embarrassed “Sure” and ran as fast as I could towards the exit. At least my slippers made it out alive from the whole debacle.

Walking into work I put my bag on my desk and sulked in my seat. Today couldn`t of started worse, and I had to face the music at work as well as my boss has told me weeks ago that I have an important photo shoot today and that I should be prepared and full of energy.

Have you guessed my job yet? I bet you did...

While waiting for the main character of the photo shoot to appear, I tried to finish some of the projects I started already and never gotten around to finishing.

“Are you ready for today?” asked my coworker, Alexis.

Alexis was that giddy girl that every office has. Keen on being liked by everyone and befriend everyone, she managed to sneak herself under my skin, and I took her under my wing. Being young, I never had the support she has. I was always thrown into deep waters without much to go on, and being a mentor for Alexis meant the world to me.

“Of course I am ready A. I am also nervous as I never had to deal with something like this before. I usually know all of the models, and now Graham made it clear that it`s a new person and that it`s important for the photo shoot to go great. You know I don`t know how to socialize.” I said while I put my head in my hands, shrugging slightly.

I continued, “On top of that I am wearing Baby Yoda slippers, my shirt is soaked and stained and I have this on my cheek”, while pointing at myself.

“How did you even manage? Wait, I retract my question. It`s you. Of course, something like this would happen. Here, let me help you clean your face a bit, at least” she said while taking my hand and guiding me to the bathroom. Wrong move on her part as at the same time my boss screamed my name while trying to get my attention towards our client for today.

Turning my head I could have sworn I saw Pedro Pascal looking at me wide eyed. I shook it off and looked again. That is definitely Pedro Pascal and I am definitely looking like a downright mess right now.

“One moment” I screamed back while rushing Alexis towards the bathroom.

The moment the door closed, I started hyperventilating and pacing at an alarming rate, trying to swallow the node I felt building up in my throat.

“This cannot be happening to me. This is too much. How am I supposed to go out there and shake his hand while looking like this? He`s seen me in this state. That`s it. I am cancelling today. I am going to call from here and tell Graham that I am suddenly sick and I can not go through and that we need to reschedule. What am I even saying? You don`t reschedule Pedro Pascal. He reschedules you, not the other way around.”

“You really need to breathe. In and out. You can`t call in sick. You are already at work, smarty pants. Plus, isn`t this the guy you`ve been gushing on since you`ve seen `The Last of Us`?” Alexis pointed out while trying to clean my cheek and get me to calm down. I am amazed at the fact that she stopped me from pacing further.

“You`ll go out there with a smile on your face. You will do your job and he will love being in your company because you are an amazing woman and photographer. You hear me?” she started saying louder than before.

“I hear you” I said while looking in the mirror.

Newsflash. I didn`t hear her. I heard words, but to be honest, I zone out when people try to pep talk me. She is a lovely friend, but at the same time, I know I won`t be able to survive today. I can try, though. Should I even worry? It`s not like he`s going to care how I present myself. He just needs photos, and that`s that.

“I am pretty sure I lost you there for a bit, so please say it to me : I hear you, and I will slay the hell out of this photo shoot because I can.” she read me like an open book.

“I hear you, and I will slay the hell out of this photo shoot because I can. All better now?” I asked while making my way out of the bathroom. Yet another mistake as Pedro was exiting the men’s bathroom and heard everything I just said.

“Are you for real?” I said in an annoyed tone while Alexis was hot on my heels giggling like a high-school girl. Pedro was visibly amused at what was unfolding in front of him.

“I am for real. Last time, I checked anyway. I am Pedro. Nice to meet you” he said while smiling.

“This keeps getting more embarrassing. I am your photographer for the day. My name is Olivia.” I said while extending my hand to him. “Sorry for my apparel for the day, but I`ve had a rough start. I swear I am better at my job than I am at, well, living. Should we get started?” I asked quickly not to leave him too much time to respond anything else but yes.

“Yes. After you”

This was a weird setting. Me and him walking the long hallway to the photo studio. It felt like it took even longer than it normally does. I was trying to distract myself until he opened his mouth again.

“Nice slippers. Good to see they escaped unharmed from your Starbucks episode” he said while smirking. I could feel the smirk in his voice as he talked. Wait, how did he know about Starbucks? I mean, the stain looks like coffee, so you don`t have to be a genius to know that I probably tripped, and it spilt on me, but to represent it as an episode...

“Excuse me? Starbucks episode?” I asked, stunned.

“Well, I would start by saying sorry for standing behind you in the queue. I mean, you could have turned a bit slower, but I couldn`t help myself but move closer to you while you were turning because I saw your slippers, and I was curious.” he said while stopping .

“I am truly sorry Olivia. I really am.” he continued.

Of course! My luck! The stranger that I tripped over happens to be Pedro Pascal. Seriously, Universe? Seriously”

“I can`t with today. That`s it. I am cancelling today. Today never happened.” I said in a frustrated manner, causing his concern.

“I mean, I don`t think you can do that as most of it already happened, but you can try, I guess?” he said while scratching the back of his head while I was looking at him like a lost puppy seeing its favourite toy after a long time. His whole demeanour made me feel at ease. All he had to do was smile, and I was automatically in a better mood.

“I suppose I can`t. As I mentioned before, I am sorry for my apparel. I didn`t plan to do this. I didn`t even know who the client was until you walked in. I just hit the snooze button too many times. Ended up speed dressing and running through the city. By the time I was made aware of the fact that I am wearing my Baby Yoda slippers by a 6 year old, nonetheless, it was too late to go back and change. Here I am, in all my nerdy glory. Unfortunately, your photographer is a nerdy, clumsy, and awkward woman who is supposed to have her shit together cause she`s over 30 and has no desire to act her age.”

I regretted it the moment all of this left my mouth and my hands flew towards it in horror. He was in the same position, with the same boyish grin plastered on his face, looking at me like I wasn`t just ranting my frustrations to a man I just met.

"For all it`s worth, I think you are trying your hardest, and you should cut yourself some slack. Be your nerdy, clumsy, awkward self because that`s who you are meant to be. You are trying to change something that will never change, your essence. It`s who you are, Olivia, and if you ask me, I`d say so far my first impression of you is a very good one” he said reassuringly.

I took a deep breath and turned around while whispering a shy “Thank you!”, not knowing that he understood how much his words meant to me, and that he was relieved that he managed to say it without upsetting me in the process. Little did I know that the Universe has been working hard for years to make this encounter happen.

#writer #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #fanfic #fanfiction #words #wattpad #fluff

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cafeinthemoon · 2 years

Text

Don’t Leave Home - Chapter IX

Chapter 9/?

Wordcount 3,2k

Title Festival

Fandom Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing Toji Fushiguro X reader

Read the previous chapters

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8

Symbols ⭕ . ➕ . 💛

Warning (s) none, the same of the previous chapter 😘

Tagging @brumous11, @darling-imobsessed, @areusquinn (are you still using this @ bc I can't tag you 😭) (if you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just send an ask or a message 😉)

N. A. So... After 7 fricking months (I guess), a new chapter of my beloved Toji fic is out today! 😭😭😭 You have no idea how I missed writing for him and his cute baby!

Anyways, just as I imagined, there will be an epilogue for this story, so that the present chapter might be considered the last one. In the epilogue, we will have a time skip, with some hints of their life together and an important conversation between mom reader and a teenage Megumi, for which I have a draft that brought tears to my eyes while I wrote it.

I want to thank every person who came here, read, liked, commented and showed support to this work, for it was my first story with these characters and a shot in the dark precisely because of this. I hope I did a good job in my representation of them as well as in putting baby!Megumi in the arms of the right people lol

Love, Debs 💜

You spent the whole morning at Toji’s house, helping him out with Megumi, recovering from the episode with the robber and working on yourselves.

At first, the baby was not willing to take another medicine – it was already difficult for him to eat even when you made his favorite food for breakfast earlier – but with patience you managed to convince him. He spent some time weeping because of the medicine’s weird taste after taking it, as well as for the sickness’ remaining symptoms, only stopping after tiring himself. From your part, you were not hungry and didn’t bother yourself sitting at the table, but you accepted the mug with black coffee Toji offered you and went to the sofa to sip it while he took the boy in his arms, taking him for a warm bath.

You took the opportunity to check on your phone for messages and missed calls, but there was nothing new, mostly to your relief: that time you just needed to rest. You left the phone in silent mode, putting it in your bag.

You laid your head on the sofa’s back and didn’t notice when you fell asleep again.

***

As midday approached, Megumi’s mood became a bit lighter, but he didn’t want to play, neither he wanted to sleep. You stood with him on the sofa while Toji went to the kitchen to cook something for lunch. You tried to refuse the meal by saying you could buy something on your way home, but your boyfriend stated that his girl was not going to leave his house starving.

– But I’m not even hungry! – you laughed – I’m still feeling the coffee in my stomach.

– You’re just afraid to prove my food – he replied, heading to the kitchen; and, already out of your sight, – But that’s something you’ll have to overcome sooner or later, darling.

-– Not gonna lie, I’m a bit afraid.

His response to your teasing came with feigned frustration, between the sounds of pans and tools upon the sink.

– You’re hurting my feelings with this, you know?

– Hmm I’m sorry – you giggled; Megumi, who has been silently watching your interaction, yelled something, as to join the conversation, making you laugh and turn to him – You see, Megumi-chan? Your father has quite a sensibility!

While the baby tried to speak, the sensitive father growled under the sound of vegetables being sliced:

– I heard that too!

***

You kept working as Megumi’s babysitter even after starting to date his father. Though you were doing this out of love, the need of money could not be denied, and you’ve already talked to Toji about your issues in this sense. When he asked if you had any idea of how much time you would need to fix them, you said you estimated three or four months. He then wanted to know what you were going to do after that, and you explained that you wanted to search for jobs in your study area.

– That’s a good plan, love – he complimented – But if you want me to keep paying you as a babysitter, that’d be good for me too. Fortunately or not, the kind of stuff I do will keep me employed for the rest of my life.

It also made sense to keep things professional for yet another reason: you both agreed that you shouldn’t move in together before making sure that you would work as a couple. Yes, you knew you were going to have fun and wanted to make it work, but you were aware that things don’t always go as we plan. And it would be better for the baby in case your plans went wrong; besides, you two shared the opinion that no matter how much love and good will were involved, making a mess with money was usually the main reason why family lives go down the drain.

Apart from the mundane, practical aspects of a relationship’s beginning, you couldn’t forget about the unsettling – you didn’t want to say supernatural or fantastic – side of the story: the secret behind Toji’s abnormal strength, his concern about his son’s resemblance with him, his strange connection with his family and the nature of his work. In comparison to everything you told him about yourself – if you didn’t count what he found out by himself – there were many things you were yet to know about him. Was all of this a shot in the dark? Yes, even more than your last relationship was.

But you couldn’t say you were regretting it.

***

Your first date coincided with the next calendar’s festival, to your own joy and Megumi’s: it was a breath of fresh air for you who hasn’t hanged out in a long time, both by the lack of time and money, and a happy opportunity for the little boy, who was reaching the age when he was supposed to start interacting with other people besides his relatives.

Toji, on the other hand, didn’t seem so excited when you came up with the idea.

At first, you thought he was just being grumpy or had some professional stuff to deal with and wasn’t wiling to tell you, but the thing is that he wasn’t fond of anything that resembled traditional events, so that he had little interest in taking part in it, preferring to engage in average, mundane entertainment alternatives. Not that it surprised you: since the start, he seemed what people would call a man of the world. Still, he was able to recognize when something was important to his loved ones, so that when you talked to him about your reasons to go and mentioned the effect it would have in his son, he agreed in attending the festival.

It was decided that you would not babysit that day, and he was not going to work as well: he would stay with Megumi and you would make your preparations separately, then you would pass by his house and you three would go together.

At the planned hour, you stopped in front of his door and took a deep breath. So… that was going to be your first date. Your first time hanging out as a couple. Should you be this nervous, after knowing him for months? You sighed. You were being dramatic, and you knew that. Toji would probably laugh if you say that to him.

You raised your hand… but never reached the bell.

The door was opened and you found Toji wearing a grey and black yukata, holding the baby on his right arm. You noticed he cut his hair, and thought it was better this way.

– You were breathing so loud that even Megumi heard you, darling – he smirked, touching your cheek with his fingertips – Come here.

His hand surrounded your waist and brought you closer, and you stood on tip toes to give him a kiss in response. Megumi, with his cute “mamas”, touched the gold hairpin that tied your hair up when you approached; you started talking about the pretty clothes his father got for him. It’s been weeks since he has recovered from that sickness, but you still found his endurance incredible: anyone who came to see and hear him now would never suspect he got sick that year. Maybe there was a great chance for him to become like his father in the future, but that didn’t seem so bad when you thought of it now.

You were wearing a yukata as well, but yours was of a more vibrant mixture of shades, with flowers of soft pink upon a magenta background. After playing with your hairpin, Megumi’s attention went to the colors of your clothes, since they were so different from what you used to wear.

– He’s so observant that sometimes I forget he’s still a baby! – you laughed while taking him in your arms; the boy tapped your shoulders with his tiny hands as a response.

– Ha! Can’t believe you only realized that now – Toji went to the house’s interior to take the baby’s bag, laughing.

He got back in a second and you headed to the nearest station.

***

Later, as you waited for the next train, Toji explained that the main source of his stress regarding those events lied on the social obligation of wearing traditional garment, something that reminded him of the time at his family’s house.

– They feel weird on my body, you know – he adjusted a sleeve as he spoke – I don’t even know why I brought this with me when I left. The guy who used to wear this is dead now, and he should stay like this.

You were fixing the baby’s collar while listening to him. You immediately stopped when he said that: you took a moment to understand that he was talking about himself.

– Ah… – you glanced behind – Look, it’s early. We still have some time if you want to go back and change these clothes...

You were going to say that you just wanted him to feel comfortable in the first place, but he didn’t let you finish.

– Nope. Don’t do this to yourself, darling – and with his index finger upon your lips, – It’s just one night. It won’t kill anyone.

The train’s arrival ended the conversation for you.

***

The sound of music reached you ears even before your feet crossed the festival’s entry.

Megumi, whose big eyes were wandering from one side to the other, absorbing every little thing from the new environment, almost jumped from your lap when he heard the cheerful noise: he was used to listen to the radio in low volume with you, so that the difference between the soft, recorded jams and the live performance by the traditional musicians wouldn’t go unnoticed by his little ears.

Toji laughed with the scene.

– That’s how real music sounds like, Megumi-chan – and with a glance at you – If you know what I mean.

You joined the game and gave him an annoyed humpf.

– Your father was today years old when he found out the Beatles are not American, Megumi-chan – you turned to the boy – Music is not his specialty, you know?

Now Toji was the offended one.

– Maybe, but my ears work quite well.

When you turned to him to reply, he looked away, but not so fast to hide the smile growing on his lips. You approached him and leaned your head on his shoulder, startling a bit when he passed an arm around you.

You didn’t need to walk for too long to see yourselves surrounded by countless tents selling food, offering games and anything you could imagine; above them, the bright decoration and the lines of lamps that were waiting for the evening to be turned on were hanging softly under the influence of the breeze. Everywhere you look, there was joy and beauty for you to appreciate.

The place wasn’t crowded yet, so that you could walk freely and observe your surroundings without interruptions. Thanks to this, when you were passing by one of the tents selling sweets Megumi spotted his favorite treat and started pointing at it with little screams of swee! Swee!

– So soon… – sighing, Toji headed to the tent to buy the sweets while you stood at another tent with the baby.

You were telling him that his dad was going to bring the sweet for him soon when a well known voice called you from behind.

– So… when were you going to present me your son, y/n-chan?

You turned around to find Mari dressed in a red yukata and a large smile on her face. Megumi looked at her and smiled, his little hands stretching to reach the hairpin’s jewels dangling between her hair. You told her he did the same with yours.

– Awn, you have such a good taste, don’t you? – she took the baby’s hands into hers – You’re such a pretty boy!

While he yelled something that Mari understood as a “thank you”, you say you thought she was on vacation. Your friend sighed and straightened up.

– Well, I should be on vacation, but we had a problem at work and now I’m gonna have to stay for a couple more days. That stupid Takahashi from the Human Resources department! It’s all his fault! Just promise me, y/n, that you will be a better professional than him when you get your degree!

You shrugged, not wanting to laugh at Mari’s little tantrum and make things even worse.

– I will do my best…

The conversation was interrupted when Megumi turned and saw his father coming back with his treat. The baby started jumping in your arms, happy to see the expected gift, as you noticed Mari silently observing the tall, broad man taking the spot beside you and bow down to give the sweet to his son, then turned to her to say hi.

– Hey. Toji Fushiguro, right? – she glanced at you with a look of you’re gonna to pay for not telling me half of the story, then gave him her largest smile – Y/n talked a lot about you. I’m Mari, by the way.

And then our worst fears became true: by the way Toji smirked and made a casual comment on how surprising was for him to know you talked that much about him and how frustrated Mari looked for not meeting him before, you knew none of them would leave you alone for that entire month.

***

The little amount of time it took for Megumi to get along with Mari to the point she could carry him in her arms and make him forget about you for minutes straight was surprising even to you, despite what Toji said about him enjoying being picked up by other women.

Now your friend was playing a game at a tent, trying to win a teddy bear for the baby, but as far as you could see, Megumi was more interested in the game itself than in the prize, pointing his little fingers at the dices and colorful pieces she was tossing inside the bowl: he had enough toys at home and, as you already noticed, he wasn’t as fond of stuffed animals and dolls as much as he was of cards and colorful bricks, which suggested his future preferences. When you talked about this to Toji one day, he replied that this wasn’t a big a surprise to him at all, but “it would be good if the little guy grew up to become smarter than me, you know?”. You sighed and told him not to speak about himself that way, for his own sake and the baby’s, but he just laughed and kissed your cheek in response.

– Good to have you trying to heal my soul like this, darling.

It was already dark, and the lamps were turned on a few minutes ago, revealing an interesting sequence of colors with the predominance of red, pink and blue. The crowd was getting thicker, and you had to stick to your boyfriend’s arm to not stay behind. Mari, who finally won the game, rushed back to your side while Megumi was holding the bear; it wasn’t as big as she promised him, but it was just as cute, and he seemed content in holding auntie Mari’s gift in a tight embrace.

At some point, you reached an enormous stone staircase that would lead to the upper gardens, where you would find benches to rest your feet (or not, since there seemed to be even more people up there) and an incredible view of the entire festival. Because you haven’t spent even an hour at the event, none of you were really tired, so you three accepted to face the stairs… and after minutes of what felt like a true climb, you reached the gardens. Toji was the only one who wasn’t panting, while you took a moment to finally being able to speak again and Mari only arrived some time later, not much better than yourself: she made some pauses along the way because of the baby, who was staring at her and wondering where did all her energy go. You offered to hold him for a moment, but she said she was fine and soon approached a bench occupied by some teenagers; she convinced them to give her a spot only by standing near with the child, but you knew that she wasn’t above pretending a fainting or anything to get the bench only for her.

You crossed your arms and observed the scene with a sort of worry.

– I wonder if it’s a good idea to leave Megumi with her for so long. I’m not so fond of the influence she might have over him…

You heard your boyfriend chuckling by your side, then a strong hand reached your waist, bringing you closer to him.

– Whereas I myself not only approve her as my son’s new auntie but also understand exactly what she’s trying to do – and when you turned to him and met his smirk, – And you should have done it too by now, love.

Well, after that you couldn’t say you haven’t: Mari was acting like a true friend, trying to get you some time alone with your man, as you still haven’t had since your made it all official. You glanced at her one last time, but she was so distracted in her conversation with the baby that she didn’t notice, or pretended she didn’t.

Toji led you through a narrow path between a line of benches and flowerbeds, stopping at the woody parapet painted in red, through which you could see the various tents down there and the people going from one to another; beyond them, there was another part of the gardens that you would probably not visit that time because of its extension, but your current spot was a privileged one, making it possible for you to appreciate the beauty of the trees under the last light of the day: at the horizon, there was a thin, orange line left by the sun, blended with pink and purple above it, changing the shades of everything.

When you stopped by the red bar, you noticed it was at your chest’s height. A bit annoying, really, but you were still able to appreciate the landscape.

Toji decided to make it the next target of his provocations.

– Is everything okay down there? – his fingers tickled your back – Want me to lift you?

You turned to him to reply, but never had the chance to do so: he passed his hands on your waist and took you in his arms, so that you had to throw your arms around his neck to keep your balance; you let out a little gasp, making him laugh.

– Wow, what is it? Are you afraid of heights, darling?

– Do you want me to slap you in front of everybody? – you replied, not holding back your own laughter.

It wasn’t so dark for you to not see each other’s face yet. Thanks to this, you found a playful look in his green eyes and a grin that matched the verbal response you received for your threat.

– I’m dying to see you doing it.

You touched his face, but not in a slap: your fingers caressed his jawline, as your thumb rushed over the scar on the corner of his mouth.

– Be patient, then – you kissed his lips, smiling – I wanna be gentle first.

#jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #jjk toji #toji x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fic #toji fluff

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candied-cae · 2 years

Text

We're All Going Home, No One Left Behind - Way Back When

Here's Part 1 <- This is Part 2 of Our Family

Chapter 5/? - - - Read it on AO3

[1] [2] [3] [4] <- Previous Chapters - - - Next Chapters -> [6]

Word Count : 3,333

Summary : Join Stede and his interruptive listeners as they share and remember the day The Revenge's crew all met for the very first time.

(This is sort of a mini-chapter. I know it's not a whole bunch story progression wise, but I got my wisdom teeth stolen on Friday so I really just wanted to work on a fun little update while I finish up the next big one. And I wanted to headcanon how tf Stede managed to get all these people on the same boat. So sit back and relax for a casual, silly 3k about our found family doing the damn finding of the damn family. 🥰)

More OMFD Fics

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Once the crew received what felt like Captain Anne’s approval and promise to help them get back to their ship, they were all positively elated. Toasts of drinks, cheers, gratitude, and affection, they shared it all in their relief. They stood a better chance now of actually getting it all back. It felt possible again. Which was a comforting feeling because there was a second there where it didn’t.

Once their joy and reprieve settled, and it felt like tomorrow was a tangible thing in their hands and not something they might lose grip of, Stede felt a call to remember. He looked around his crew, though it was missing two, and remembered the day he found them all on the port outside Bridgetown.

“What’re you smiling about?” Lucius teased.

Stede chuckled as he took a sip from his glass,” Just… all of you. Being here.”

“That’s something to smile about?” Roach wondered skeptically as he looked around them at what was an arguably overcrowded ship, and it wasn't even their own.

“I’d say it is.” He refuted.

True, them being gathered not on the Revenge and not wasting their days away doing whatever it is they managed to come up with… it wasn’t the ideal way they’d have been together. But Stede couldn’t help but smile while looking at all of them. He loved them incredibly so. Being with them felt more like being with family than anything he’s ever really known. How was he expected not to smile when it finally looked like he was going to be able to get everyone back together again?

“It’s still wonderfully strange to think that people I’ve known my whole life have felt like strangers compared to you all, who I’ve only known since the harbor.”

“About half a year back now, yeah?” Oluwande asks.

“A little more than that,” Stede corrected,” But yes, Oluwande. It’s not even been eight months now that I’ve known any of you.”

“So, you really did just slip into this sort of lifestyle.” Mark comments, emphasizing the ‘just’ because, hell, Stede’s still an infant when it comes to being in this line of work, isn’t he?

Anne asks,“ And you said you’d just gathered them all up the day you got your ship just because they happened to be around, right?”

“Well, yes-”

“How did that happen?”

Seems they weren't fully satisfied by the tale of the near mutiny and brushing over the life Stede left behind. Well, he did promise entertainment in exchange for assistance. And, not one wanting to disappoint their hosts, nor the kind to miss the chance to tell a good story, Stede smiled softly to himself as he began recounting the very day he met his darling crew.

“Well, the first one I met was Buttons…” Stede begins.

He remembers boarding The Revenge alone for the first time just before dawn that morning when there were barely more than a few people getting ready to start their day. He’d set down his bag and tucked away the model as he set on the prowl for the crew to manage his ship. He’d only gotten so far to lean over the railing to scope out the street when he sighted someone… interesting. One of the only people there so early in the morning was none other than Buttons. He was sitting at the edge with his legs hanging off the wooden dock, sharing crumbs of food with a seagull named Karl-

“I thought she was Olivia.” Sabine cut in, cocking her head to the side.

“Yeah,” Xi adds,” Isn’t her name Olivia?”

“Aye, she is Olivia” Buttons motions to the bird presently seated in a nest of rigging rope,” but back then, it was Karl.”

Sabine continues,“ So, wait- Did Olivia used to be called Karl?”

“Or was this a different seagull?” Emilio asks.

Stede answered,“ Another seagull.”

“Olivia’s late husband.” Buttons further explained, and though he was clearly trying to clear up why they've had more than one pet bird, the idea of seagull marriage he's just extended to them seemed to only confuse.

“Alright…?” Sabine accepted, though it sounded like it was more or less to appease Buttons’ waiting expression.

“May I continue?”, Stede asked before taking their nods as approval to go on.

Stede didn’t know him, and he had no clue how important this weird fellow was going to be in his life, but he had packed a few finger sandwiches with him to start his journey. So he elected to give some to Buttons and the bird. Buttons happily accepted the gift and proceeded to share it with his feathered companion. The sight of it was something very foreign to Stede, he’s never seen such a gentle and genuine kindness extended to animals in high society. Such engagements were usually raised out of the children who entertained them, so they might all just see creatures as measures of ability and status. But, here was this man, enjoying a pet bird for no other reason than to enjoy him. So Stede sat down with Buttons and asked about how he came to know and care for the pet. They spent a good amount of time together just chatting. But the sun had risen further, people began to flitter into the port, and so Stede stood up to continue his search. And the other man stood up with him. From that moment on, Buttons seemed to display unwavering allegiance to him. He’d never imagined that he would've hired his first crew member with a snack, but it worked out very much in his favor.

“Then I found Oluwande and Jim.” Stede attempted to segue.

Until Llyod wanted to clarify,“ And you’d said this Jim was….”

“One of the ones still on The Revenge, yes. But back then, you couldn’t hardly find either Oluwande or Jim apart. If you found one, you’d find the other.”

As more began to gather, he stumbled upon Oluwande and Jim. The two were slinking around together. They were looking all around, Oluwande was whispering to Jim, they kept their face angled below the brim of their hat. The display looked more than a little suspicious.

“We had good reason to be suspicious-looking!” Oluwande interrupted.

“Not that I knew it at the time!” Stede defended himself,” And I was getting to that bit, for your information.”

When he’d first seen them, Stede just assumed they might have snagged something that wasn’t theirs from the market down the way and were looking to avoid the local law enforcement. He now knows it was because Jim was in disguise and running from Spanish Jackie’s vengeance, but he wasn’t put off by his own assumptions. A little bit of thievery wouldn’t be the worst skill to have on his crew. And Oluwande had a nice face-

“Awe, you thought so, mate?” Oluwande broke off Stede right in the middle of his sentence with a feigned coy laugh to tease him.

Stede rolled his eyes,“ Oh please, you’ve got a very nice face, Oluwande. But my point is that you seemed like a very sweet guy. Anyway-”

Oluwande had a kind disposition, and he clearly cared about his rather capable-looking accomplice, so Stede decided the pair would make a good addition to the team. Stede didn’t even have to offer much of a sales pitch to them. The fact that he seemed like a good guy who was hiring help and looking to leave before noon was enough for Oluwande to readily agree and drag Jim along with him.

“After I had them in tow, I looked down the boardwalk and saw this one.” Stede continued with a wave of his hand to Wee John.

The man was sitting on a set of crates with his club tucked under his chin propping him up. He was gazing thoughtfully over the horizon where the sun was still rising when Stede spotted him. Even seated, Stede could tell the sheer size of the man was impressive, so he was quick to think it’d be a smart idea to get him on his crew. When Stede approached him and he stood up to speak… he saw how truly massive he was. And donned with tattoos and piercings? The sort of expression he had when he furrowed his brows? That was a man people didn’t mess with. But he still had an air of… joy, one might call it, to him.

All the while Stede was saying it, Wee John was grinning to himself and looked like he’d be the sort to say “oh, stop it” with a sheepish swat of his hand.

To Stede’s delight, Wee John didn’t take a whole lot of convincing either. In all honesty, Wee John was nearly ready to agree the minute he realized Stede was an actual fancy man who was earnestly speaking to him and proposing ideas like “people positive management” and “luxury amenities”. And the funny, fantastical little man seemed like he’d be amusing, what with his frilly outfits and the giddy smiling and all his whimsy. It was nothing like anyone had ever seen in a pirate captain before. Then Stede said he’d encourage arson at every event it seemed fitting, and that was it. Wee John was in.

“After that, we ran into another pair having their own happenstance meeting for the first time: Roach and Swede,” Stede said with a nod to the two sitting next to one another.

The crew had grown to five if you counted the captain with them, and they were passing a restaurant. Stede was keeping his eyes peeled for anyone who seemed like the pirate type when two people burst from the restaurant doors right in front of them. Swede was first as he sort of tumbled right out of the doors once he’d swung them open, and just following behind was Roach with a handful of items. The Swede had fallen onto the ground, and Roach grabbed him by his arms and pulled him against the building to prop him up. When Roach lifted his shirt, they all saw the back end of a fork sticking out. No one ever figured out why he’d been stabbed before even breakfast time-

“Well, it was none of your business” the Swede argued with a cross of his arms.

“If you say so.” Stede conceded to continue.

But the Swede added a quick,“ And they started it.” before he could.

But the fellow loudly whined his Swedish phrases over his shoulder back into the establishment, and a few curses, also in Swedish, called back out in response while Roach worked. In just a few moments, they saw the man remove the impalement, clean the wound, and sew it closed. All with very minimal bloodshed. When they’d seen him run out in an apron, they assumed he was a cook, but his skillful recovery of this other stranger was cause to question just where his profession lay. And such skills would surely serve well on The Revenge. Stede started on his proposal to Roach, though he didn’t seem especially piqued by their numbers nor by the captain’s obvious inexperience. However, when Stede took the hint from the apron anyway and went over the sort of extravagances he’d had the kitchen stocked with, there was a certain interest sparked.

Roach had just begun to pull his rolled cigarette from behind his ear when Burns asked,“ So wait- are you the chef or doctor?”

“Both,” he said simply as he brought a lit match to its end as it hung from his lip.

“Wh- how does one- Are the two skills not incredibly different?” the reddened fellow pushed.

After taking a draw from his cigarette and blowing the smoke away from the circle, he shrugged and answered,“ Meat is meat. Knives are knives.” which gave some of the strangers a worrisome shiver.

Anyway, Roach had never gotten to work with some of the expensive ingredients Stede was offering uninhibited access to. And the Jim lad they already had on the team looked extremely competent. Worst case scenario, that guy seemed the kind you could make a sneaky escape with. Thus, Roach signed on. And by then, the Swede seemed entirely set on staying with them. Probably because the accident-prone fellow didn’t want to stray too far from the sort of person who could handle his injuries and illnesses, or maybe he just liked the vibes. Whatever it was, Swede held his wound and looked up toward the captain as he asked-

“Me, too?” the Swede pipes in, putting on the same display as he had that day, wide eyes and a finger pointed towards his own face.

And perhaps most people might’ve gone on ahead with their recruitment and not thought to include the man with the fresh stab wound he’d earned before it was even 7:30. Though, Stede was hardly like most people.

“Hm, why not? You, too, you little Swede.” Stede repeats his response from back then.

“That was how we gained our sixth and seventh. Though,” Stede said as he cast a sassy eye on Pete,” our eighth wanted to be a more difficult case.”

“What can I say?” Pete asked with a sort of self-satisfactory smile to himself.

“Well. I, for one, would appreciate a thank you for the opportunity after all this time, but besides all that…”

The band of pirates was quickly finding themselves growing towards the size of a decent crew when they came across Pete. He had that sort of classic pirate-y look and was waiting by the ships like he wasn’t sure which one he would board. Stede sauntered forward and asked if he’d like to join their bunch. Pete was far harder to convince than the others. He introduced himself as having previously been on Blackbeard's crew and asked a barrage of questions which all seemed to circle back to 'how does this guy compare to the legendary Blackbeard?’ Stede was honestly sure that Pete was going to end the conversation by saying that Stede could never measure up and he'd rather find a better ride with someone else. So, Stede chose to bid him a good day and began to walk away so the men he did hire and him could get to the ship with anything they had on them and have lunch before setting sail. But Pete ended up stopping him, saying he might as well climb aboard and keep the rest of them from getting themselves killed.

“You’re welcome.” Pete chimed it at the end, again looking so very cocky and pleased with himself.

“I asked for a thank you.” Stede reminded him.

Though it was clear he wasn’t going to receive one at this time, so Stede elected to move on,” Next then, came Pete’s little poet.”

Lucius raised a finger at the title,“ I wouldn’t really call myself particularly poetic-”

“Can’t you let me have a bit of alliteration? Fine, the little scribe was the next one we came upon.”

Stede wasn't exactly sure how many men he needed, but it was nearing midday, and he really wanted to treat his men to a meal before they set off for their adventure. So he figured, a captain, something of a first mate, a medic/chef, plus various levels of pirate-y-looking guys would be enough to get started. They started to head back towards The Revenge with his crew in tow when they quite literally ran into Lucius. Or, more accurately, the boy ran smack into them. Pete, specifically. He was looking behind him as he darted around a corner, they weren't exactly sure what he was running from, but he flashed them a grin and immediately began selling himself as a writer and artist if they could find the need for such a person wherever they were going. Stede did like the idea of having someone around to keep a record of the journey and his attempt to form a new kind of piracy without all the usual abuse. And the boy seemed alone. It's no good being alone. So Stede readily pointed just down the boardwalk to where The Revenge waited for them and told Lucius she was their passage if she pleased him. Clearly, she was indeed a pleasing sight, because Lucius came along with them to climb aboard.

“I was coming out of a less than ideal companionship with someone and found myself without many options. Was even beginning to reconsider my pickpocketing days as a way to find funds for the foreseeable future. Hadn’t even mulled the thought over much when I saw the very person I was trying to cut ties with.” Lucius excused.

“All in all, I’m very happy we caught hold of you. Happier still that we hadn’t lost you.” Stede said.

“I am, too”, Pete hummed as he snuggled further into Lucius’ hold.

“And finally, the last one to join us was Frenchie, also still on The Revenge at this time.”

Now the musician, he was a rather surprising end to Stede’s recruitment mission. They were all trekking onto The Revenge when he saw them. He was casually walking down the street, playing the harmonica like he didn't have a care in the world as they were loading up into the ship. He simply looked at them and asked where they were headed. Stede told him they weren’t sure. Frenchie asked if they had room for another. Only seconds later, he was walking up the gangway along with them at the end of the line, right behind Wee John, as they boarded.

Wee John himself laughed remembering the moment.

“What’s so funny to you about it?” Stede asked.

Wee John stifled his giggles down and explained,“ Well… never mentioned it before, but as we were loading up he tapped on my shoulder. Asked me ‘What’s this guy’s deal?’ He figured you obviously came from money, not just from your clothes but pretty much from everything about you, and so he wanted to know what exactly was happening with all of us coming into your crew. If it could really be for piracy.”

“And what’d you tell him?”

“I just shrugged and told him none of us really knew what was up with your… everything, and that you were being completely serious about not having a plan.”

“What if he’d decided to leave, Wee John?” Stede exclaimed the question like such a thing was still at risk.

“Well, he didn’t.” Wee John pointed out,” He was happily surprised by all the musical things you’d had and later told me that he thought the ship looked nice and that her miss-matched crew seemed like the right kind to kill time with. He’d figured, 'why not see the same old same old with the likes of you lot and hope it was at least a little more fun this time ‘round?' At least, that's what he said.”

“Then I guess it’s lucky for us you two became near-instant companions. Can’t imagine that hurt the efforts to keep him on board.” Stede sighed before clapping his hands together,” Anyway! That’s the tale of how the eight of us, plus our two dearly departed, came to be The Revenge’s crew.”

From there, they all spent a good portion of the evening running through everyone’s greatest and worst of their days on the water. They play a game called “raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by Calico Jack and his whip”, which results in Buttons, Swede, and most of Anne’s crew with arms up. And finally, at the end of it all, they tell Stede and his crew where they can settle for the night. Stede tells the night’s bedtime story of Sleeping Beauty: a tale of gifts, curses, grief, loneliness, true love, a dragon, and happily ever after. And while he was telling the story, it seemed that some of the Kingston’s crew were listening from right around the corner.

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twistedmusings · 3 years

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How the dorm leaders react when they catch you kissing someone from their dorm [Part 2]

A/N: AND HERE IT IS! Oh my god I still can't believe I managed to get this done! I actually stayed on task! Honestly these three were probably my favourite from the original post, I've had far too much fun writing these bois.

And what can I say? Playfully flirty MC is a good MC u wu

Warnings: Heavy smooching, possessive talk, and the reader just really pushing the dorm leader's buttons~

Part 1 here!

“How dare you...?”

Vil was more than happy to be coming back to Pomefiore with all the stuff that had happened today. Classes were more annoying than usual, he had to chase Leona down to tell him to get his work done and there had been some problems in the modeling studio that caused the lights to be brighter than usual and now he had a headache that only a nap could fix.

Thing was, if he wanted to keep his schedule as tight as possible he would need to stay awake for...another 6 hours.

One good thing was waiting for him though. Rook had greeted him at the entrance and let him know that the Ramshackle prefect was in the dorm today as per his request.

Good.

This would keep him awake. He remembers promising you a lesson in proper skincare in order to remedy whatever you did once you woke up in the morning. Deep in the back of his head he remembers you telling him that you just splash cold water on your face but he preferred to think that you at least put some sort of moisturizer. Maybe.

He rushes to his room to freshen up and makes sure that he has the materials he needs. Vil had decided that his own brand of face cleansing products would be a good start for your skin. The tingles in his fingertips went ignored as he thought of you thinking about him in the morning. It wasn’t that sort of thing at all, he reminded himself. Dorm leaders were supposed to help each other out, despite how often they were at each other’s throats, and he was just fulfilling his role not just as a dorm leader but as a...friend.

Vil takes one last look at the mirror and makes his way down the row of rooms in Pomefiore to reach the Lounge, only to stop when he sees you being pulled into one of the many rooms by what was clearly a Pomefiore’s students hand.

Wait what?

It’s almost alarming how quickly he approaches the door and puts his foot in it, choosing to stay quiet as he sees that the two people in the room didn’t even bother to wonder why the door hadn’t closed all the way. The student was pressing kisses against your lips in small intervals, choosing instead to talk as you run your hands up the expensive purple robe and taking in the little designs.

“I had a new lip scrub I wanted you to try out.”

“Really? Then why aren’t we in the bathroom?"

“That’s rather forward for a dorm leader. Is everyone in Ramshackle this daring?”

Vil couldn’t even pinpoint the student’s name. That was your first offense. The only thing he remembers about him is the man’s caramel brown hair and how it contrasted beautifully against his dark skin. After that, nothing could pop into his head that would make that student even remotely interesting for you to be hanging off of him like that! Of all the people to be with, it just had to be a nameless potato, didn’t it?

The hairs at the back of his head stand up as the potato hands you what he believes to be the best lip scrub in the business, which only makes the alarms in Vil’s head go off even louder. That brand wasn’t even known for doing lip scrubs! In fact, they once put out a three in one shampoo/conditioner and the fact that the student even had that brand in the dorms and you just blatantly accepting it was your second offense.

And as much as he wanted to focus on that being the thing that truly bothered him, he felt the alarms deafening him as he saw the potato’s hands wrap around your waist as he kissed you again, your lips parting to let him inside.

He shouldn’t be looking at this, he should be leaving and just leave you to your own devices. The lesson wasn’t important, you weren’t that important to him--

Amethyst eyes widen when you tilt your head as the student starts kissing down your neck, already choosing one spot to make his own as he licks and nips at the skin while you dig your fingers into his robe.

Vil didn’t really know how to describe the sudden surge of energy that caused him to fling the door open and grab the student by the back of his robe and pull him backwards, eyes glaring at you the entire time as you whisper his name, as if suddenly remembering that you had a previous engagement before this whole ‘sticking your tongue down a Pomefiore student’s throat’’ business.

“Prefect. My room. Now.”

You put your hands up and walk out of the room without looking at him, Vil letting go of the student’s robes and walking out after you. He didn’t even need to tell him that he was in trouble, the student would realize it soon enough once Rook delivered the chores that needed to be done by tonight.

A list only that student would be getting instead of the entire dorm.

Vil closes the door of his room and turns the lock rather harshly, looking back at you sitting at the edge of his bed still staring at the window. You weren’t trying to defend yourself, you weren’t even looking at him.

“I hate to be kept waiting, Prefect. Not just that, it is extremely rude to keep someone waiting just so you can fraternize with someone in my dorm.”

No answer. He grabs his desk chair and sits down so he can face you directly.

“What made you go and pick that potato?”

“Why would that be any of your business Vil-senpai?”

It was very much his business, if you asked him. He would have been okay if it was Epel or even Rook that you had picked to make out with but he wasn’t just going to stand around and watch as one of the student’s whose name he didn’t even know threw all of his work out of the window! So he asked the question again, this time getting a chuckle as an answer which only served to upset him even more.

“Out of anyone in my dorm you could have picked, you had to go with someone who offers you such a low quality brand of lip scrub?”

“That is your problem with this? What he offered me? Me and him just started hanging out, we know nothing about each other! I just wanted to change that.”

His headache was coming back again.

Vil put hard work into everything he did. That was his work ethic and people be damned if they thought it was too much. Maybe they couldn’t handle it but they still respected it, respected his craft and the work he put into it.

So why do you, of all of his recent projects, disrespect him so blatantly?

It was clear you weren’t ready yet, Vil wasn’t done working with you yet. After doing something like this, and right inside his dorm, he knew that you had just taken all of the careful brushes and strokes he had decorated your canvas with…

And burnt it right in front of his eyes.

Which is why he didn’t necessarily feel any guilt when he grabbed your cheeks and pulled his own lipstick out of his back pocket, ignoring your protests.

“Quiet.”

He applies the shade quickly and before you have any chance to protest, pushes his lips against yours.

The kiss is anything but sweet. It’s almost punishing. Vil was reminding you that you were a work in progress. He still had so much left to teach you, so much left to work with you and if you kept rushing things you were going to make him mad. Once he was done with you, you could go about your pitiful little life and kiss whoever you wanted and he wouldn’t even bat an eyelash.

A hand grasps at his wrists as you press his palms on your cheeks, your tongue gently pressing against his lips so you could slip inside--

Nevermind. This sort of impatient kissing would also have to go.

He pulls away and pushes you onto the mattress, your eyes hazy with eagerness and confusion as Vil removes his jacket and gloves and leans down to trap you below him.

“Were you this greedy with him? Did he also get this treatment from you? No, don’t answer. I fear I’ll only get angrier if you do. Now be an obedient little potato and stay still, the first thing I’ll fix is that messy kissing of yours.”

“ :( “

Snacks runs had to be the most annoying and heart pounding of his usual daily life quests. If waking up was a struggle enough, especially when no special loot such as new anime or manga was available, it was hard to complete such basic tasks without some sort of incentive.

Although Idia guessed that not dying of starvation was enough of an incentive.

He walks down the corridor of his own dorm, humming a quiet tune to himself as he looks down at all the snacks he had acquired. Which, score! They even had a limited edition chip flavor that came with the card of one of his favourite idols! It took everything in his power to not just spend all of his money on more than one bag but he had such a good day today that he knew his gacha pull luck just had to be good.

The door to a room behind him opens, Idia quickly picking up his pace and hiding behind a corner as he looks at who it could be. He isn't against anyone in his dorm but...he didn't have the means to engage in any conversation that wasn't about his current FPS game or Gakemo so--

"Thank you for the help! I thought my phone was beyond repair!"

His hands tighten around the chips pressed tight to his chest, eyes wide in surprise as he sees you stepping out of the room.

Of all people...why were you here so late?

The student laughs as he scratches the back of his head, handing you back your phone and looking away.

“No--No problem! I...I honestly didn’t think you would come to me for help. I integrated the newest magical technology on it as well as voice activated features and a--a brand new messaging app that sends messages faster!”

Idia clicked his tongue as he heard the student speak. Look at him showing off. You didn’t know that he was taking advantage of your naive mind! You didn’t know anything about magic so, of course, all those features would sound fancy!

When it was literally taking your phone and just downloading some fancy new apps on it!

Yet there you were, marveling down at it as if you had just gotten the latest version.

Well maybe he shouldn’t complain too much, even from here he could see your smile. A part of him worried that all this luck he was suddenly getting would affect the luck he would get on his chip bag but...you were worth it.

Such a rare event shouldn’t be left unnoticed.

Maybe...maybe if he stayed here you could walk by and he could open up the ‘bumping into each other late at night’ event?

“So how can I repay you? Do you need anything done?”

Idia tunes back into the conversation as he frowns, looking back at the two of you as the student looks at every single corner of the ceiling instead of looking at you.

Payment? The guy had just downloaded a couple of apps that wasn’t good enough reason to offer some sort of payment. He frowns and taps his foot impatiently as the guy stutters out a few excuses before finally giving you an answer.

“A ki--A kiss? Would that be alright?”

The Ignihyde dorm leader almost falls down as he hears that, retreating further into his corner as he glared daggers at the guy who had just dared to ask for such a bold request.

A k--kis--kiss? A kiss...from you?

This guy was starting to piss him off! He should just be content staring at you! You were a SSR character all on your own! That guy should be happy he even got to talk to you at all and shouldn’t ask for more than he was given! He already rolled for such a life changing event why would he even want more!

His eyes soften when he sees you mull it over. It was okay, you could reject him. Such a guy wouldn’t even be worthy of a kiss from you so you so all you had to do was say no! Go on, [Y/N], just reject hi--

Idia can feel his heart breaking as his muscles stop working, dropping all of his stuff on the floor with a thud as the sound echoes. Yet it went ignored, the other two people in the hallway too busy with their own activities.

When...when had you even kissed him? Idia only remembers you putting your phone away and the moment he blinked you had already pressed your lips against that other guy--!

He should be leaving, why isn’t he moving?

The student’s hand goes to your waist as you deepen it, his face turning a deep shade of red as you pull away and tap his lips.

“Was that your first kiss?”

“...y--yes..”

You were smiling and giving him such a rare, almost ultimately rare item and Idia didn’t know how long he could stare until he combusted.

So all he could do was turn around…

And run as fast as he could.

He ignored the familiar voice calling out his name, footsteps quickly following him as he started to run out of breath.

Making a poor otaku like him run, even now you were still being so cruel to him!

Idia’s door slides open as he bursts inside, ready to bury himself in his bed and never come out again--!

Only to stop when he hears you hiss in pain.

Blue eyes turn around to see your foot jammed into his doorway, not allowing the electric door to slide closed. A part of him wants to immediately go to you and ask if you were alright but he stops himself as the image of your kiss flashes through his mind again.

“[Y/N]-shi! W--What--!”

You rub at your foot and sigh, walking in with a confused look as Idia presses his back against his bookshelf. He knew it. If a SSR character could be brought to real life, this is the sort of power they would have over him.

The kind of aura you were emitting was enough for him to want to get on his knees, but he chose to remain strong.

“I was calling out to you…didn’t you hear me?”

Idia turns his head and looks at the floor, the pain still raw and emotionally taxing than what he was used to. Disappointment was one thing but heartbreak was a complete other monster!

“Shouldn’t--Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend?”

He spits the word out, annoyed that a guy from his dorm could unlock...no...could get someone like you. You were open to every single activity Idia gave you, you gave him good feedback and didn’t get scared when you two disagreed on something. Every manga he gave you, you read and every anime he told you to watch, you would watch it.

You were receptive, you were attentive, you were what Idia wanted in a real life friend!

He hadn’t dared hope for more!

That still didn’t mean he couldn’t fantasize when he was all by himself.

“Boyfriend…?”

You tilt your head in confusion before chuckling as you realized what had happened.

“Oh so you saw that.”

Is that all you were going to say?! You had just taken his heart and crushed it into tiny little pieces and you were just going to talk about what a pervert he was being!

Someone just KO him now, like right now!

“Yes...I saw. So what? You were just ki-kissi--doing that thing from everyone to see! So you should just go back to him instead of bullying me in my own room!”

Please just leave, he wanted to cry in peace.

Yet you stubbornly remain, just like the first time he met you.

“Idia I don’t know what crazy assumptions you are making but that guy isn’t my boyfriend.”

You put up one finger.

“He fixed my phone…”

Another one follows after.

“And he asked for a kiss for payment. Simple as that. You shouldn’t act like you caught us doing something major. It was just a kis---”

Large hands land on your shoulders as Idia now stands in front of you, head hung low as he mutters something to himself.

“Just a kiss….just a kiss.”

You jump as he gets close to your face, eyes staring at you pleadingly as he cupped your face.

“JUST A KISS? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? AN EXTRA RARE CHARACTER SUCH AS YOURSELF SHOULDN’T BE GIVING OUT SUCH RARE ITEMS LIKE THAT!”

He shakes you back and forth.

“IF YOUR KISS WAS JUST NORMAL THEN EVEN I...I COULD--”

Idia’s eyes fall on your lips, the rush of adrenaline mixed in with his built up desire for you all culminating in two choices popping up in his head. And for the first time, he knew that hesitation was not an option.

So he dives in.

His lips met yours roughly, not really moving them or anything but just pressing them against you. You put your hands gently on his chest but he takes it as a protest, which only causes him to push them onto yours even more.

This was...disastrous.

He had never kissed anyone before. How in the world did he think that he would be able to kiss you? Ah, maybe this was a dream? Right! He had just dreamed all of this up and you didn’t really force your way into his room to confront him!

His hair flares up when you cup his face, pushing him away slightly and tilting him in such a way that your lips would meet in a much softer fashion. He looks down and sees you closing your eyes, following in your footsteps and melting inside your kiss.

You both pull away slowly, Idia opening his eyes and blushing when he sees you licking your lips and sending him a teasing grin.

A rare sight...made only for him.

“I feel like I just spent all my stamina on this one event...so I don’t want to go unrewarded. Can we go further? I want to go further. What option do I have to pick for you to do that again, [Y/N]?”

“Don’t touch them.”

“YOUNG MASTER! WHERE ARE YOU!”

Malleus sighs as he looks on at the Diasmonia students gathered around the outskirts of the school, smiling as he sees Sebek directing them each and every way. Sebek really didn’t give up, did he? One of his classes had been canceled and he was eager to see the gargoyles around Ramshackle in a much better light but he figured Sebek would cause up a stir when he didn’t find him in his classroom.

As much as he appreciated him, Sebek didn’t have to walk him to every single class.

He sighs and goes deeper into the woods behind Ramshackle, the small broken path there leading him down a familiar terrain.

This is where he usually walked with you, after all.

Seeing this place in bright light was so very different. Instead of it being illuminated by his lights, the sun peeked out from over the trees and provided a sunny trail instead of the usual moonlight. He took a deep breath as he breathed in the smell of flowers all around, all of them growing wildly around him and defying any human to try and tame them.

His fingers trace some of the thorns he found on some of them, the flowers attracted to his touch and moving closer to his hands as a small vine wrapped around his finger.

All with his magic’s help after all.

This was his safe space. Malleus would come here during his first and second year and lose himself in the wilderness. In here no one would fear him. Here every single thing was responsive to his touches and even dared to touch back. Some of the wild rose bushes also reminded him of him, Malleus adding a bit more thorns around the flowers as in to emulate the very home he missed.

In this lonely place, he flourished.

But it wasn’t so lonely now, was it?

His third year had brought one big surprise. A human. A child of man who did not know who he was or what he was capable of. They looked at him as if he was just any other stranger roaming around their dorm and not the next ruler of the Valley of Thorns.

And Malleus, being the very curious person he is, found himself pulled to your inattentiveness.

He had dropped many hints that he was eager to get to know you more, relishing in the fact that you two were starting to get closer. And while he had hoped to keep his identity a secret a bit longer, he found it almost unbearable for you to not know who he was.

If you were so open with who you were, then he should show you the same kind of respect.

How wonderful that you were now on a first name basis with each other.

Malleus could walk over to Ramshackle dorm now and knock on your door without hesitation, smiling as he sees your excitement at just what places you two would discover in the dead of night.

Bummer you couldn’t be with him now.

He had seen you come out of your dorm and ask Sebek if he needed any help, to which the fae replied rather rudely that no human could ever track down his young master, so he was a bit reluctant to discover any more places without you by his side.

These walks were something you two did together, after all.

So he remained at this spot, touching everything and anything that would strike his fancy while going deeper and deeper into a small clearing you two had found. A large tree decorated its middle, the leaves falling gently upon the ground as the sun shone down on the large pond that provided this part of the forest with the water it needed to balance out the sun’s gentle rays.

“Shhhh, don’t make too much noise.”

Malleus stops as he hears your voice, his head immediately turning towards the sound as he hears rustling behind him. He smiles and turns to where he thought you were coming from only to be struck by a sudden idea--and immediately hiding among the trees and bushes so you couldn’t see him.

Would you be surprised to find him here?

He hoped so. Malleus had the habit of appearing to you suddenly so this wouldn’t be breaking any traditions between you two. If he played his cards right, you might join him on a walk all the way to the edge of the island.

“Prefect do you know where you are going?”

“I do! I’ve been here so many times. Now come on!”

Another person’s voice. No...he had heard that voice before.

Malleus retreats back into his hiding spot as he sees you rush by, holding by the hand a Diasmonia student as he rushes to follow you. You smile and turn around, still holding his hand while the other looked on in amazement at where you had led him.

“Prefect...this is…”

“Like it? Me and Malleus found it a while ago. This is how we know we are close to the edge of the forest.”

The Diasmonia dorm leader smiles as he watches you show the student around, pointing out different sights and sounds as the other watched on in amazement. That student probably had never gone anywhere this secret and while Malleus was glad you were showing off the place you two shared…

There was a feeling deep inside his chest that flared up angrily as he caught the student looking at you more than his surroundings.

Green eyes watch as the student’s hand clenches and unclenches, seemingly working up the courage to do something as you continue speaking. Which was rather rude, in Malleus’s opinion. You were explaining some wonderful things about the flora here and he was just staring at you without engaging in the conversation.

And how did you two know each other? Malleus had never mentioned you in Diasmonia except to Silver and Lilia, had he known you before him?

Malleus hands grip the tree bark tighter as the student takes your hand, stopping your explanation as he gets you to focus your attention on him.

What--?

“I’ve been eager to find some time alone with you.”

The student clears his throat before pulling you by the hand gently, your surprised look turning into one of playfulness as you follow along with his movements. He leads you to the edge of the pond, spinning you around as you allow him to position you in such a way that you are now closer to him than before.

Which only makes the angry feeling in Malleus’s gut flare up even more.

“Have you now? What for?”

An answer Malleus wanted to know as well.

Blushing, the student smiles and leads you into a dance with no music which only served to make you laugh and make Malleus’s fingers dig deep into the wood of the poor tree.

In the dragon fae’s eyes, you two are dancing for hours without caring about who was around. Why had he even brought you here? This student was part of Sebek’s surveillance crew and yet here he was not doing his job. But he wasn’t the one who brought you here…

You were.

Your actions were lost on Malleus as the dance finishes up, the student dipping you low before bringing you up.

“So you brought me here to dance? Who knew Diasmonia students were so charming.”

Malleus didn’t like the way you were smiling, nor how your hands rested on the student’s shoulders. He hadn’t seen this side of you before, you were playing along with this student and his motives.

Had you always been so playful? Malleus had only seen you during the night and whenever you two spoke it was a conversation worthy of two friends sharing experiences together.

But not this...never this…

“Well, not just a dance. I’ve wanted to state my intentions outright.”

The tree starts to crack slowly as Malleus can feel more thorns growing out of the rose bushes around him.

“Ever since you arrived, you have been an enigma to me. You are always so helpful even to those who do not seek your aid. Even now, you didn’t have to help me search for our Young Master."

He wasn’t searching for anyone, he was too close to you for Malleus’s liking and he needed to learn how to respect your boundaries.

“Yet you still offered me your help...and I…I want to...”

The student was leaning closer as his hands slid down to your waist, Malleus staring as you started to tilt your head as you placed your hands on his chest while his lips were dead set on meeting yours--!

Your face is tilted up as cold lips meet yours, your mouth opening in a surprised gasp as the hold the student had on you was no longer shy and timid but angry and possessive. These lips were pulling you in closer and closer, greedily eating each and every sound you were making as the air was slowly stolen from your lungs.

A string of saliva is left hanging as you two separate, your eyes fluttering open as you think of something to say to such a ravishing kiss.

Only for them to open wide in surprise as you see who you had really kissed.

“Malleus!?”

You turn to look behind the fae’s back, the Diasmonia student looking at his Young Master in mild panic and surprise while Malleus presses you close against his chest, clearly hiding you from view.

Right before the student even had a chance to taste your lips, Malleus had rushed out of his hiding place and pulled him away by the collar of his shirt.

For a dragon to watch on as something that was his was so close to be taken away, the surprise must have gotten to him.

“Go tell Sebek to head back to Diasmonia and call off his search. I will be there by nightfall.”

The student tries to stutter out a response but Malleus glares back as he keeps you pressed firmly against him.

“Now.”

You watch the student leave in a hurry, following the broken path you had led him in with. Your eyes peek up to look at Malleus but the dorm leader waits until the sound of footsteps is long gone before tilting your face up again and leaning down to press his lips against yours in another rough and dominating kiss.

Hands push you forward as your back collides with the huge tree in the clearing, Malleus making sure that the back of your head meets the bark gently as his lips never parted from yours. You wrap your arms around him as best as you could and let out an involuntary squeak when the fae decides to pick you up so that you could pull him in even closer.

He is the one to pull away first, hands firmly on your bottom as you wrap your legs around his waist to support yourself.

“Malleus--”

The fae presses another kiss to your lips, effectively silencing you so that all your attention would be on him.

“Don’t ever bring someone else into this place, child of man. Do I make myself clear? This place is our haven and I will not have someone else come steal both it and you away from me. Well, even if you don’t understand, I’ll make sure to explain it to you thoroughly. Now...kiss me again.”

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst x reader #twst mc #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #vil x reader #idia x reader #malleus x reader #twst headcanons #twst imagines #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia x reader #//TO THE PEOPLE WHO ASKED ME ABOUT THIS A LOT!#//THIS IS FOR YOU!

2K notes · View notes

dollslayer · 3 years

Text

Botanical Interest - In Bloom

Soft!Mob!Steve Rogers x florist!Reader

Summary: Steve comes home to you angry after a rough day at work. He made a promise to keep his work life separate but can he keep it?

W/C: 4,103

Warnings: Angst, mentions of past abuse, smut, swearing, alcohol consumption

A/N: Hi there! A part three for our soft mob Steve and his lovely florist. Thank you so much to everyone that has shown interest in my work so far, if you like it please reblog and comment!! You can also check out my other stuff if you haven't yet. Cheers!

Botanical Interest Masterlist I Main Masterlist

_____________

When Steve Rogers had asked you to be his girlfriend you knew there was a weight attached to it. A long talk over a stack of waffles and a couple of beers left Steve with a ‘yes’ and some ground rules.

After the incident in the alleyway you both agreed that he left his work at the door whenever you spent time together. Steve’s profession has made you uneasy since you met him and you two couldn’t avoid it forever.

A month later and you’ve managed to avoid conflict for the most part. Nothing as bold as that day in the alley, just small moments where he’d have to take a phone call, once when he had to cancel your plans for a ‘work incident’. But still he really was trying to keep his work and personal life separate and you appreciated it.

It had bothered you that he had to do those things but it’s not as though your work hadn’t impacted your time together either. Being a florist meant a lot of late nights when you worked events. Wedding season in full swing, every weekend was a busy one for you.

That’s why Monday’s have become almost sacred to you, your one day off a week. You and Steve always spent time together, sometimes you’d go out or stay home and just relax.

This Monday Steve had promised to come over and make you dinner. He’d only ever tried to cook for you once and it had ended with a lasagna burnt so badly you had to open every window in the apartment just to get the charred smell out. You couldn’t wait for him to redeem himself and take him to bed after you both came out of your food comas.

You were cleaning the kitchen when you heard your phone buzz. You had asked Steve if he wanted you to pick up any groceries since you had the day off. Expecting a list you were met with mild disappointment.

Running a little late, doll. 6:30 and not a minute later, I promise. Don’t worry about groceries. I'll get it all taken care of, just enjoy your day off.

You were kinda miffed but at least he gave you a heads up and he was going to get the groceries. You picked your sponge back up and scrubbed away at the counter.

________

Expecting to be let down, you were pleasantly surprised when 6:30 rolled around and your doorbell sounded. You buzzed him up and waited patiently for him at your door.

Steve appeared as he rounded the corner and he looked exhausted, irritated maybe. He carried a lot of tension in his shoulders and his suit jacket was long gone. His tie was undone and his sleeves were rolled up to where you could see well toned forearms. You bit your lip thinking of those arms holding you in place in bed.

Maybe we should just ditch the dinner and skip straight to dessert.

He approached you and you leaned up to give him a kiss.

“Hi, honey. How are you?” You greeted him as you shut the door behind you.

He set the groceries down onto the counter with some force and you winced. Okay so he did have a rough day. Do I ask him about it? I don’t wanna talk about his work but I don’t want him to feel like he can’t talk to me about his day.

He sighed and turned to face you, took his tie off completely and ran a hand through his hair.

“Don’t worry about it” he responded as he took a beer out of your fridge.

You were off-put by the abruptness of his answer. Maybe he was just short with you because he didn’t want to talk about work.

You stepped closer and tried to approach him again.

“I-“

“I said don’t worry about it.” Steve snapped, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and swiped the screen, visibly annoyed. “I gotta take this”. He slammed the door to your bathroom shut behind him and left you stunned in the middle of your kitchen.

What just happened? You had never seen him so upset aside from when you caught him mid-punch a month ago with Mr. Andersen.

Realistically you knew it wasn’t you he was mad at but you’d never done well with people when they were mad at you. You were engaged years ago to a man that was abusive towards you. Things had started off well like they always do but he became manipulative and he was quick to anger. You were constantly questioned and criticized. He kept you from seeing your friends, even some of your family. It took your friends coming through for you to get you out of the situation safely. Through lots of therapy and flinging yourself headfirst into your business you’ve come a long way but sometimes you had difficult moments.

It couldn’t be helped as your heart began to quicken and you felt heat come to your face from the embarrassment of being snapped at. Unsure what to do you poured yourself a glass of wine and sat down at your small dining table facing away from the bathroom.

You were trying to get yourself to not shut down in response to his change in mood but it was hard. He’s upset and clearly irritated with me already, he probably just wants to go home. Maybe you should just reschedule. Don’t cry, if you cry you’re gonna make it a whole Thing. Don’t cry. He’s not mad at you specifically and it’s not your fault.

In the torrent of your thoughts you didn’t hear the bathroom door open. Steve hadn’t spared you a glance or a word as he started unloading the groceries. Angrily placing a jar of pasta sauce onto your counter with a thud and muttering under his breath. You watched him timidly and took another sip of your wine.

He turned to you and took another swig of his beer.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that? What did I do?” He challenged.

Not wanting him to be upset with you, you devolved into old ways of over-explaining so you could justify your actions. Somewhere in the back of your mind, the rational part was telling you it’s not your fault he’s angry and you don’t owe an explanation but you were too far gone.

“I, I just, you didn’t do anything you just, um, you just looked upset. I don’t want to make it worse, I’m sorry. I was just looking at you, I didn’t mean to-”

You were cut off in the midst of your nervous rambling by the shrill ring of Steve’s phone. A frustrated growl escaped his mouth.

“I have to take this,” he muttered as he strode back to the bathroom. “I told you not to call me until you had it fixed” you heard him before the closing of the door muffled his anger.

He left you there to stew in your nervousness and self loathing. Five minutes had gone by and the rational part of your brain was slowly taking over. The rational part of your brain was angry. It’s okay for him to have a bad day and not want to talk about it but the way he’s spoken to you and responded to you isn’t warranted. You needed to confront him calmly and if he was still angry you needed to ask him to leave. You can talk to him another time but not while he’s angry. It won’t do anyone any good. Just like you’ve talked about in therapy.

You rehearsed the lines in your head and finished your glass. You heard the door open again and almost threw everything you had been going over in your head out the window. Just breathe. It’s fine, he calmed down so quickly after that time in the alley, he’ll understand.

_____

Steve was angry. With Clint for getting the dates of Pierce’s arrival wrong, with Sam for failing to get the recon they needed to get the drop on him. Even angrier with Bucky for taking all of this out on him when it wasn’t even his fault. But most of all he was angry with himself for letting his work get in the way of your time together. He promised you undivided attention and you deserved it.

He knew how important your day off was to you and after the day he’d been having he couldn’t wait to just come back to you. He just wanted to make some decent spaghetti and melt the worries of his day off with your embrace. He craved the physical comfort he got from you after a long day. The feeling of endlessly sinking into your arms while you held him in bed allowed him to be the vulnerable one for once. He never felt comfortable enough with any of the other women he’d dated to even entertain the idea of being the little spoon.

He always suspected that who he was at work was almost the only reason any of the other women had even gone out with him. Who he was at work was almost a front for the art-loving, touch-starved, hopeless-romantic that he was when he let himself relax. They’d all just wanted this big burly man who was always in charge, a walking wall of muscle and testosterone that they had seen and heard of him to be when he was on the job. But when he was on his own time he just wanted to feel comfort more than anything.

He just wanted to melt into you.

That’s why he was eager to get to you today but the constant calls were cutting him to his last nerve. Bucky was out with Natasha and her parents so he specifically asked not to be called. Being the boss, Bucky was not to be bothered. Being second in command, Steve was.

When he hung up with Clint he exited the bathroom and walked straight past you without a word, knowing you didn’t want to hear about work and talking about it would just make him angrier. He started unloading the grocery bag with maybe a bit more vigor than was necessary.

Remembering he had opened a beer that was probably warm by now he turned to you and grabbed it off the table you were sat at. At this moment he looked up and you had this look on your face he couldn’t quite place. He wanted to know what was up so he asked but you just ended up stammering out a response that didn’t make much sense.

He was trying to listen to you, he really was but he just couldn’t work around this building anger, couldn’t let it go. So of course his phone rings again. And of course he takes it. Excusing himself and locking the bathroom door behind him again he was already forming how to lay into his men on the other line without raising his voice and alarming you too much.

“I told you not to call me unless you had it fixed” he seethed into the receiver. Steve pounded his fist against the porcelain of your sink in aggravation. “I’m not fucking coming down there tonight. I shouldn’t have to be taking fucking phone calls to solve this kinda shit when I’m with my girl. Lose their tail, re-track them, and we’ll deal with the rest in the morning. Don’t call me again unless someone fucking gets shot”, Steve hung up abruptly and took a deep breath.

He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say to you so he just waited a minute to collect himself. He took another deep breath and readied himself to go back to you.

_________

You were sitting quietly at the table, silently digging your nails into your palm as you tensed your fist. Steve had exited the bathroom and taken a seat across from you. You decided to see if he’d speak first and waited.

A beat of silence and you sighed deeply, readying yourself to talk to him like you’d planned.

“Steve, I understand you’re having a bad day and it’s probably work related. That being said, just because you’re mad at someone else doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me” You blew out a shaky breath, wanting to finish before you lost your nerve and before he interjected. You didn’t dare make eye contact. Only stared at his hands on the table in front of you.

“If- if you’re mad don’t take it out on me, and if you feel like you can’t control that anger I don’t want you around me while you feel that way. If you want to talk through it or just work past it then I’m here. But if you’re going to snap at me again and just be mad then you need to leave. It’s not fair to me.”

I’m pretty sure Dr. Danforth would be fucking proud of me right now. Straight to the point but respectful, just like we talked about. And even if Steve’s mad, you’re in control. You’re doing great.

You braved a peek at his face at this point and he looked stunned himself. He’s probably never been spoken to like that in his life, being the second in command and all. You watched his brows bunch together in what you hoped was thought and not frustration for you and waited for him to speak.

________

Oh. Steve was a little struck by what you’d said. Have I been that bad? She’s shaking like a leaf, of course I must have been that bad. He’d had no idea that he even snapped at you, that’s how wrapped up in his own business and his head he was. He never meant to take it out on you, didn’t even realize he had. Sometimes it was like he was so deep into his work life he couldn’t take himself out of it. But he wanted to try, for you.

He remained silent while he pulled the chair across from you out and took a seat. He looked up to meet your gaze only to find you staring at your hands. You were digging your nails into your palms so he brought one large warm hand to cover yours and brought the other up to your face gently to get you to look at him. You flinched away from him and he felt another strike of surprise, but also maybe a hint of shame. Is she afraid of me? Normally Steve likes when people are afraid of him, makes his job easier, but he’d never want that from you.

“Sweetheart”, Steve’s voice was just above a whisper when you finally looked up at him.

“I’m… sorry, that’s really it I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. I didn’t even realize I did.” He apologized.

____________

You could feel your tears subsiding and finally brought yourself to look at him. He looked just as exhausted before, just a little bit more sad. You imagined it was probably easy for him to get swept up in who he was at work so it must be hard to separate himself from it since it requires so much from him. You don’t want him to feel bad for being upset, you just want him to be more aware of himself and to not take things out on you.

“Steve, I know we said you wouldn’t talk about work when we’re together but I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me if you have a bad day. Maybe you can keep it vague but I don’t want you to feel like you can’t say anything or be yourself, unless of course you don’t want to, I don’t want to force you to talk about anything either. When you snapped at me I just sorta shut down” You explained.

Steve seemed to be processing your words and forming a response when he took your hand in his to stop your nails from ripping into your palms like they often do. He nodded and took a breath.

“You have no idea how much it means to hear that from you, thank you. Just for the record, I never feel like I can’t be myself with you, it’s opposite, really. When I’m with you I get to drop all that bullshit at the door. Girls in the past have just wanted me because I was scary but seeing the way you flinched just now, I don’t ever want you to feel scared of me.” Steve confessed.

Maybe it’s time to tell him about the engagement, let him know where you’re coming from. You blew out a shaky breath and looked away from him again.

“I, um, I’m not scared of you. Years ago I was engaged to a man and things were really bad, he was really bad. I’m not ready to talk about all of it but that’s why I shut down on you when you snapped. I’ve been through a lot of therapy and I’m still working on it, but I’m not afraid of you. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, it’s… kind of a sore subject” you admitted.

Steve’s nostrils flared and his grip on your hand tightened a little but you could tell he was trying everything he could to school his features and reply to you.

“I… didn’t know that I’m sorry.” he said as he ran his thumb over your knuckles. “If you ever wanna talk about it more, I’m here. And if you don’t, I understand.”

You stood from your chair and came around behind him to throw your arms around his neck. You kissed his cheek and rested your head against his.

“Thank you for listening and apologizing. I forgive you. And if you wanna talk about your day then I’m here.” You assured him.

Steve turned his head to capture your lips in a soft kiss which you reciprocated. Steve stood to his full height without breaking the kiss and brought his hands up to frame your face. The warmth was comforting again to you. Your tongue slipped into his mouth and he elicited the softest of sighs before returning your passion.

He broke the kiss while his hands explored your curves. “I want to make it up to you, will you let me do that, sweetheart?” he asked.

You could only look up at him with eyes blown wide with lust and affection. You nodded and he kissed you swiftly before leading you to your bedroom. You were holding his hand when he let go and softly urged you backwards onto the bed. You obliged and soon he was on top of you laying feather-light kisses to the column of your neck.

Your hands mussed his hair and smoothed out the tension in his shoulders as you held onto him. He kissed his way lower and lifted up the hem of our shirt and kissed his way back up to your breasts. You sat up slightly and took off your top and unhooked your bra, letting it fall before throwing it to the side. Steve took turns taking your nipples between his teeth and teasing them, licking and kissing them. He knew it always made you squirm and would build the anticipation before you could even touch him.

“Steve, please.” You whined.

Wordlessly he kissed and bit his way lower and undid your shorts. You arched your back to help him remove them along with your panties. Steve wasted no time and administered the smallest of licks to your clit. You gasped slightly at the feeling when you felt two fingers prodding your entrance before going in. Your body was getting accustomed to the initial wave of pleasure brought on by Steve’s movement and slowly you ground your hips against his hand and cried out softly.

Normally Steve would never let that fly, he was always so controlling and dominant in bed but tonight was different. Tonight was soft and he was making it up to you, showing his love in a physical way. So he let you push him deeper and raise your hips just so to reach the perfect angle. You felt yourself tighten around him and this is the point he usually slows down just to drag things out but your loud cries only fueled him as he doubled his efforts. With a final cry you came around his fingers, white heat blinding your vision momentarily.

You caught your breath and looked down at Steve. His beard was absolutely drenched and he sucked his fingers clean. You could almost cum again just from the sight of it. He wiped his mouth on a tissue before returning to you to give you a kiss. You tasted yourself on him but you didn’t care, you just wanted his mouth on yours. You felt his erection pressing against your thighs and it had you squirming all over again. You reached to undo his belt when he stopped you.

“This night is supposed to be about you, doll. I’ll be fine” He protested.

You shook your head at him. “I want you, all of you. Please, Steve”, you begged.

He nodded and undid his belt. You helped undress and when he was finally naked you felt the rush of heat to your core all over again, an itch you couldn’t scratch. You laid back further on the bed and soon he was above you, face inches from yours and one arm at the side of your head.

His cock nudged against your core and entered slowly to stretch you out. You moaned deeply and when he was all the way in he kissed you passionately and began moving. It didn’t take much for him to pick up the pace as he started to fuck you. He swore under his breath at the feeling of you.

“You’re so, so, good sweetheart. So fuckin’ good.” He praised.

His words made you keen as you let the feeling of him making love to you take you over completely. His lips grazed yours in between grunts and he moved one hand to your clit while the other cradled the back of your head. You held onto his shoulders tightly and sobbed out pleas for him to keep going. His thrusts picked up speed and so did his hand. You were so close to the edge and you could feel he was too.

“I love you” he panted out before his hips lunged forward into you one last time before he came inside of you.

The shock of his confession and his work on your clit triggered your second orgasm. It was powerful and had you clawing his back and gasping in pleasure. He’d never said that before. Did he mean it? You looked to him for the answer but his lips caught yours as he gave a few last lazy thrusts. He finally collapsed to your side and was heaving to catch his breath.

You both laid there basking in the afterglow of the makeup sex for a few minutes. You turned on your side to look at him. He was so perfect like this, so at ease.

“Did you.. Mean it? What you said?” You questioned nervously. You really wanted him to mean it.

He turned slowly to look at you and he was blushing. “Yeah, I did. I know it’s kind of soon and you don’t have to say it back, but I couldn’t help it. I love you” he confided.

“I love you too, I’m not just saying it cause I feel like I have to, I love you Steve Rogers. All of you.” you assured him.

The softest of kisses was laid on your lips. This moment with him was perfect.

“I can’t believe you love me. I’m so sorry about earlier. I feel so comforted when I’m with you, the last thing I want is to lose you. I promise I will do everything I can to never be like your ex. Ever. If I’m being a dick I want you to tell me,” He apologized again.

You were about to respond when his stomach let out the loudest groan. You both laughed as you sat up.

“I did promise you dinner. Unburned this time!” Steve pledged as he helped you gather up your clothes.

“That’s a promise I’m going to hold you to, Rogers.”

#steve rogers x reader #mob!steve rogers #mafia!steve rogers #Mob!Au #mafia!au #soft!Mob!Steve Rogers #marvel au #marvel fic #marvel x reader #botanical interest

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dreamescapeswriting · 3 years

Text

Trust In Me ~ PJM [Request]

WORD COUNT: 3.2K

PAIRING: Jimin x reader

GENRE: established-relationship, angst, fluffy ending, mentions of family and being raised by grandparents instead of mother

As you walked down the staircase of your house you placed earrings into your ears, calling out for Jimin to come out.

"Jimin, we're going to be late if we don't leave right now." You cried out as you walked into the living room to find him standing there in his practice clothes. Frowning at him you looked him up at down, today was supposed to be the day he had managed to get off work.

"I thought you got the day off," You whined slipping your shoes on as you looked at him. Jimin felt his stomach begin to churn as he looked at you and lied. Right to your face.

"I got called in again."

"But it's my Grandmothers 90th birthday...We were going to the meal." You reminded him, he had promised you weeks ago that he had gotten the day off and was going to be there.

"I got busy Y/n, I'm sorry." he walked towards you but you ignored his attempt at a hug. All it seemed as of late was that he was busy. Hardly home, always out until late hours of the morning and when he was home he was acting odd. Jittery whenever you asked him how his day had been, on edge whenever you told him that you were going to clean up the house. It felt as though he was hiding something. But you and Jimin had been together for almost 6 years, there was no way he would do something stupid.

That you knew of.

"I know baby, I'll make it up to you," He promised as he attempted to reach for you but you moved away from him. Grabbing your bag and looking around for your car keys.

"You've been saying that for weeks Jimin" You knew you were probably overreacting. You knew what his lifestyle was like. You had been living it for the last six years but that didn't make it easier.

"I'll make sure Seojun is following you." He told you as he looked outside. The world knew about your relationship which meant you travelled almost everywhere with a personal guard. Seojun was there to make sure you weren't trampled by paparazzi or Sassengs in the street. There wasn't anyone out there right now but he knew it wouldn't be long until someone was around.

"Thanks." You mumbled turning to leave when he took your hand in his, pulling you closer to him so that you were chest to chest with one another.

"You can't forget this." He placed a gift bag into your hand. The present you had gotten for Grandmas birthday. Something that the two of you had been planning on giving her for almost nine months.

"This is from both of us. I can't give it to her without you." You looked into the bag at the wrapped-up box and Jimin sighed.

"She'll know I'm sorry." Without a word to him, you walked out of the house with the bag. Climbing into the car more pissed off than ever that Jimin would leave you to go to a function like this alone.

Jimin stood watching you leave and biting down on his lip. It was never his intention to hurt you but this was something he had to do in secrecy. Grabbing his phone scrolling through until he found the name, "Seojun 2" and pressed the call.

"Can you meet me at the house?" He questioned as soon as the other line picked up.

"Sure. Shall I order pizza for when we're done?" An excited female voice asked as she got happy to hear Jimin calling her so early in the morning.

"Of course how could I ever say no when you get so excited like this?" He chuckled grabbing his bag and keys before heading out to his own car. Throwing a bag into the boot before climbing into the front seat,

"Make sure you bring protection this time, I'm not having a repeat of last time. We got in such a mess!" She grumbled at him as she began to think back on all of their times together.

"It wasn't my fault we were in the mess." Jimin scoffed as he began to start up the car and put his phone onto the stand,

"I think you'll find that it was your fault. You're so messy," She complained,

"I never hear you complain until the next time we see each other. I'll see you soon. Make sure you're ready, I want to start right away." He laughed before getting ready to end the phone call,

"So eager Mr Park."

"Only for you." He teased playfully. Hanging up and beginning his slow drive.

"Happy birthday Grandma," You whispered as you walked into the small restaurant your family was hosting in. A small family-run restaurant that had been in the mall for almost 12 years. Your whole family had been going there for years, your grandmother insisting that it was the only restaurant she would ever eat inside of.

"Thank you, dear," She looked behind you and you knew what she was looking for. Grandma happened to be Jimin's number one fan.

"He couldn't make it." You whispered as you put the gift bag down onto the table of other gifts and looked back at Granny who seemed to be upset.

"Why?"

"Because he had other things to do." You shrugged it off giving her a quick peck on the cheek before going to find you both a drink.

The truth was you had no idea where Jimin was. It seemed that he was always busy lately and it was beginning to bother you. You had no idea what he was so busy with. There was no comeback coming up and they weren't filming any dancing videos for their channel.

"Your grandfather used to get like that whenever he was hiding something." Your mother's voice sounded from beside you. Anger boiled up inside of you as soon as she felt the need to insert herself in your business when she was never really much of a mother anyway. Not to you at least.

"He isn't hiding anything." You hissed at your mother. She'd never liked you and Jimin together. She never liked you with anybody now that you came to think about it.

"All I'm saying is, he's a very handsome young man. He could have anybody he wanted." She smirked at you, you knew what she was thinking. The moment you had bought him to meet your grandmother your mother had begun flirting with Jimin. Doing anything she could to get his eyes on her.

"Thanks, mum." You grumbled sarcastically before walking away to go and join your grandmother who was opening her gifts. Your brother begging to go first as she picked up an envelope.

"That one's from me!" Your brother yelled excited as your grandmother began to tear it open, frowning and staring over at him as she slowly pulled out what was inside.

"Retirement home flyers?!" You cried out looking from the flyers and back to him as he nodded his head clearly proud at what he had gotten her.

"Granny needs somewhere she can live," Granny wasted no time in rolling the papers up and smacking him with them playfully until he pulled out a small box.

"This is your real one," He whined as he gave her the box. She pulled it open,

"It's Granddads old medals. I had them polished and cleaned." She began to tear up before hugging him tightly. Practically making his eyes pop out from his head as she thanked him over and over again.

"Mine next," You whispered pushing the box towards her. Something you had been keeping quiet for months, scared in case she hated it.

"It's from me and Jimin,"

"Who isn't here," Your mother laughed before your brother jabbed her in the side.

"Shut up and sit down. I don't see you with a date either." Grandma shut her up, taking the box from you carefully and smiling up at you.

Pulling the box open she began to tear up once again, tears beginning to roll down her face as she saw the snowglobe sitting there.

"A snowglobe for your collection," You smiled as you picked it up to show her that there was a small model of her old home. The one you had spent most of your life growing up inside of.

"Y/n how did you do this?" Your brother gasped as he moved closer to get a better look at the house. It was almost an exact replica, all it was missing was the porch swings.

"I found someone online who can make custom globes, Jimin and I went to the old house we got pictures." You explained as you shook the snowglobe for your grandmother.

"It's still standing?" She gasped looking up at you with widened eyes.

"Barely. It was practically withering away while we were there but the artist managed to capture everything it used to look like." You smiled remembering the day you took Jimin. It was almost 9 months ago, the two of you went for a road trip to go and find it, You'd almost cried seeing it so dishevelled and abandoned. The inside was terrible with broken glass on the floor, burnt flooring. The inside joinery was exposed and all of the wiring and copper had been stolen. You and Jimin had sat together for a few hours talking about how much the place meant to you and how much you wished you could have saved it.

"This is amazing, thank you." She left a giant kiss on your cheek and you smiled as she began shaking it and showing it off to anyone that was looking at her. Like a child on Christmas.

"I'm glad you like it, I'll text Jimin." You smiled before going to go and find a drink which you had intended to do before.

Sitting by the window you looked out at the people that were doing their shopping. The party seemed to be dragging by slowly since Jimin wasn't with you to help lighten the mood up a little.

"You're daydreaming." Grandma laughed as she fed you some more mozzarella sticks. Practically piling your plate higher each time. She claimed that you never ate enough when she was around and would always give you more food than you could possibly ever handle.

"Sorry, are you enjoying your birthday?" You questioned as you looked at her, she nodded her head. The whole family seemed to have spoiled her, which she truly deserved for everything she had done in her lifetime.

"It's been fun besides your mother, I swear she thinks I'm suddenly going to drop down dead." Your mother had been questioning her about the will all day. It came as no surprise that she only came around sniffing for money.

"Nope, you're going to live until 190," You teased as she shook her head at you. Taking your hands in hers and squeezing them softly making you look at her as she took on a serious look.

"You were always my favourite." You shook your head and scoffed at her,

"Granny..." You said slowly hoping that no one around you was listening to the conversation.

"I'm serious...When I do go everything will be going to you Including the silver. Make sure you hide that from your auntie Gina." She grumbled looking over at Gina who was eyeing up some of the gifts at the table. She was always sly about it but things magically disappeared whenever she was around.

"What about mum?"

"What about her? She gets nothing." You sighed before looking back out of the window. Your grandmother had practically raised you in that old house while your mother did nothing but party and not come home until 4 am only to sleep until 4 pm and start all over again.

"What about my brother-" You stopped yourself from speaking when you caught a glimpse of someone in the distance. It looked like Jimin.

"He gets to have Grandpas stuff, he always loved to look at it." You nodded as you continued to look over at the couple walking around together. Arms linked and ice cream in their hands. It couldn't have been Jimin.

Could it?

"I'm going to get some air," You whispered as you excused yourself from the restaurant and headed out of the door. Keeping your head down just in case it was Jimin.

"What are we doing?" Seojun asked as he finished off the slice of cake he was chewing. The family had been feeding him mass amounts of food since he had been standing by the door for most of the duration of the party.

"Going to see if that's Jimin," You whispered looking up at him as you pointed over near a shop. It was like his whole demeanour changed as he stared over in the direction you had pointed in.

"Seojun?" You questioned when you noticed how weird he seemed to be.

"It's not him." He mumbled,

"You barely even looked."

"It's not him." He told you again as he tried to usher you back to the restaurant but you got out of his grasp.

"I'll go over there myself and see-" You didn't need to go over yourself, the girl began laughing loudly and you turned to look. Jimin was standing there, the small tattoo on his left wrist a giveaway that it was him. The date of your anniversary was tattooed there.

"Y/n! We have more cake!" Your grandmother yelled from the door but you felt too sick to move. Everything was still going over in your head. Did you confront him now or later?

"You should do this later Miss Y/l/n, you don't want to ruin the party," Seojun whispered as he began to pull you into the house. Frantically texting Jimin to alert him that you had seen him out with another woman. The other woman he had been hiding from you.

When Jimin walked through the door that night he expected you to be asleep. That maybe you had calmed down from everything you had seen earlier but he couldn't have been more wrong. You were sitting and waiting for him surrounded by cups of coffee. It was clear you had decided to wait up for a long time for him.

"Where have you been? And don't lie to me because I asked the boys." He swallowed the lump in his throat. Maybe there was a chance that he could get away with all of this.

"I was out with a friend,"

"A girl?" You questioned. Not angry that he was with someone else but angry that he felt the need to lie to you about it.

"Yes. She's just a friend." You got up and walked over to the cupboard. Pulling out an overnight bag and throwing it down onto the floor. If she was a friend then why did he have clothes packed up in a bag, looking as though he was planning to leave you?

"A friend you sleepover with at an undisclosed location?" You pulled the bag to show him everything that you had found inside of the bag.

"Y/n, it's not what it looks like." He stuttered out as you began to show him everything that was in the bag.

"So you just have spare underwear and clothes packed up for nothing?"

"It's not what you think it is, she's just a friend." He assured you trying to reach out to touch you but you backed away from him.

"If lies keep spewing from those lips then I am walking out of that door." You said coldly before kicking the bag towards him. Jimin sighed looking down at the bag and then up at you. It was time for him to come clean with you but there was no way you were going to believe him unless he showed you.

"Let me prove it...Let me show you where I've been doing, what I've been doing." You looked at him before nodding.

A quiet and agonizingly slow car ride later and you were standing at the house. The house you had grown up in.

"What are we doing here?" You questioned looking over at the house and then to Jimin who got out. The house was still falling apart except now there seemed to be a giant skip outside with rubbish inside of it.

"Follow me." He whispered not wanting to wake anyone else up on the street. It was almost 3 in the morning no one wanted to be woken up.

Following after him, you frowned as he walked into the house. Although the outside of the house was still falling apart the inside was all-new. The exposed walls were patched up, fresh paint all over the walls. Furniture in the place it had been in when you were younger. New flooring was put down to replace the burnt patches that had been left by squatters.

"I've been doing this...I wanted it to be a surprise for you but you saw me so I had to show you." He told you as he walked further into the house showing that everything was as you remembered it to be. A fireplace was put in place where your Grandmother used to sit and read you bedtime stories.

"I got everything from old images you'd shown me. Your brother gave me old photo albums so I could match everything." You were tearing up as you walked around the house. Everything looked to be exactly the same as your childhood home.

"The second floor isn't finished yet, Sooyoung and I were going to get started on it." The name of the girl he had been with, you turned to look at him.

"Sooyoung?"

"The girl you saw me with. She's Seojun's sister, she's a decorator." Your mouth formed an 'O' as you looked around at everything. Seojun had told you about his sister almost a million times but you'd never seen her before.

"Jimin this is perfect,"

"I wanted you to have everything you wanted...I know how much this place meant to you." Saying nothing you walked into his arms and hugged him tightly, kissing his chest. You couldn't believe you let your head run to the fact that he would cheat on you. Jimin would never hurt you and you knew that.

"I'm sorry I called you a liar."

"I'm sorry I hid it from you...I wanted it to be a surprise." He laughed weakly as he rubbed his hand up and down your back. Kissing the top of your head softly,

"I trust you Jimin. I really do...I was just scared. You'd been so busy and then mum said you could have whoever you wanted." He knew your mum would have something to do with the way you reacted so he shook his head. Promising you that everything was okay.

"I only want you." He whispered leaning down to kiss your lips softly. The start of the rest of your lives was going to happen in a house you had always dreamed of owning.

"This is our place?"

"It will be when we finish on the top floor. We have to way for a contractor to come out for that though." You smiled at him, kissing him once again. You were never going to get tired of kissing his perfect lips.

"Thank you Jimin, this is...This is the best surprise you could have ever given to me," He smiled down at you before bringing you into a real kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing you deeper as you jumped up into his arms.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @taestannie @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1 @jin-from-the-block @acciocriativity @mwitsmejk @taeechwitaa @justbangtanthingz @stillwithlix

#bts #bts x reader #bts imagine #bts x you #bts x y/n #bts imagines #park jimin #jimin #jimin x reader #jimin imagine #jimin x y/n #jimin x you #jimin imagines #park jimin x reader #park jimin x you #park jimin x y/n #park jimin imagine #park jimin imagines

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literaila · 4 years

Text

Space

spencer reid x reader

warnings: none... well angst.. and shitty writing

***

Long nights out with the rest of the team were always dreadful the next morning.

But Y/N felt like this morning was one of the worst.

She’d woken up with mascara running down her face, her joints stiff and cracking at any little movement. Her head was banging from the inside out, and if she focused enough she could feel her brain beating against her skull.

And don't even get her started on Spencer.

It had taken Y/N at least 10 minutes to get him to open his eyes. Although he wasn't an avid drinker and had only taken a couple of sips of wine, he seemed to be even more hungover than Y/N did. She cuddled up to him, leaving kisses down his cheeks and neck before he would even consider opening her eyes.

So like the dutiful girlfriend she was, Y/N got up and started a pot of coffee for both of them, and then headed into the bathroom to grab some advil, which she had to force-feed to Spencer.

And eventually, after the alarm clock started blaring for the 6th time, both of them finally started to get ready.

Their dynamic for mornings like this was simple, Y/N always got to shower first, while Spencer fought to stay awake without yawning every 10 seconds, and then Y/N went to go make breakfast for the both of them, which they would eat in the car on the way to the BAU.

And that particular morning no one seemed to be up for any sort of chit chat, barely even passing casualties back and forth before sitting down at their desks ready for a day of paperwork. They made sure to plan a night full of drinking the night before a day of paperwork. They weren't idiots all of the time.

Though their good planning all went to waste when Hotch asked them to meet him in the conference room.

Hangovers and serial killers it was.

***

“Bobby Smith, 9 years old, vanished 48 hours ago from a residential area, where his mother Marlene Smith, claims to have dropped him off.” Garcia started handing each one of the team members a folder. You could hear the drowsiness in her voice, and because everyone felt the same, they all pretended to not notice.

There was a brief silence while they all read their files before Derek startled them back to life.

“48 hours and we’re just learning about it now?”

Y/N carefully grabbed Spencer's hand under the table, rubbing up and down his forearm while reading her file. It was tough to keep it professional at work, but Y/N always managed to keep the touching as limited as she could. But the ache she felt when she wasn't touching Spencer spread through her muscles like angry wind just begging her to reach out to him. And so she touched him, she felt comforted by the little body heat she could feel from even just resting her, it was especially comforting when they were on a difficult case. It was a rare occasion when she managed to keep her hands off of him, but Y/N tried to keep it as platonic as she could, not wanting to make Spencer of their coworkers uncomfortable.

Though as she read through her file, she could see the little inconspicuous movements Spencer made. She wondered if he was trying to keep himself awake or just felt restless, either way, she kept her hand on his.

What she didn't see was the panicked almost annoyed glances Spencer was giving her hand, she didn't see the way he was leaning away from her, moving his chair slightly to the right as to distance himself from her.

JJ did though, she watched with a frown on her face listening to Gracia explain what had happened to the little boy, but not moving her eyes off of Spencer and Y/N. She tried not to notice Spencer's body language and the clear physical contact going on under the table.

“So she's not exactly on the shortlist for the mother of the year,” JJ said, still clearly looking at the couple, while neither of them noticed.

And she didn't look away, even when Spencer looked up and added a few notes of statistics, and Hotch announced it was time to go.

They all made moves to get up and go, watching Hotch walk out the door in a rush to get everything set up for them to leave. JJ grabbed Spencer before he could protest, dragging him into her office. The others watched in confusion before Derek finally said

“Guess we aren't invited to the party.” as he walked to grab his go-bag.

“It's probably something about the case, we better get going. Hotch seemed stressed.”

Y/N didn't seem confused by JJ and Spencer's scene, and let her mind run thinking about the case.

“Y/N?” She heard Hotch call.

He handed her a file and asked if she would bring it to Spencer- apparently it was something about the Mother he wanted him to look over- and because of the circles under his eyes, and the tired way his body was leaning she was quick to agree.

Walking over to JJ’s office, she was about to knock when she heard

“I love her JJ, I really really do. Sometimes though- I just- want some space- like you know I don't like touching anyone anyway, and I just-” he sighed and Y/N could feel herself holding her breath. “I just want some more space. I’m not sure how to tell her though”.

Y/N could feel the tears prick at her eyes, her stomach had fallen, taking the rest of her organs with it. At that moment it felt like the world was so silent she could hear her own heart beating. She could only think of all the times Spencer had seemed to pull away, thinking of the way she thought it was just an accident, that he was just restless, just needed to move a little.

But no.

He just didn't want her to touch him.

Y/N heard JJ sigh a soft “Spence…” before she turned away, forgetting about the file she was supposed to give him, and walking to get her bag so she could get the hell out of the office.

***

Finding Bobby's Mother dead was hard. It caused more confusion with the cause, and now the last known witness to Bobby had been murdered. The only good thing that had happened was the unsub letting one of the little boys go. But still, none of the team's questions had been answered.

Not touching Spencer was hard too.

Y/N had never been self-conscious about her affliction to touch, she’d never been afraid to hug someone, or rest her hands on their shoulders while looking at them. In fact, she couldn't remember a time in her life where she didn't like touching people, even as a kid it was clear she was a touchy-feely sort of person, but no one had ever wanted her to stop.

Spencer's germaphobic tendencies didn't go unnoticed by Y/N, when they’d first met he’d made it a point not to shake her hand, but as they got more comfortable with each other that changed. He didn't seem to mind her running her hands up and down her arms, or resting her hand on his cheek, or hugging him from behind any chance she got. She thought she was just special, that Spencer loved her so much that he didn't mind touching her, that there was nothing gross about sharing germs with someone that he was infatuated with.

Hearing that she was wrong was deafening.

Although she knew she was probably blowing things out of proportion, it felt like she’d been lied to for the last 2 years she and Spencer had been together. The guilt she felt just knowing she was making him uncomfortable by just being herself was insane.

And she couldn't help but feel like she had no option but to change it all.

So she didn't touch him, not on the plane, where usually they would share the couch while looking over the case once again with the team. She didn't touch him when he passed her in the hallway when they were sitting next to each other in a rental car when they walked to the hotel room when they had stopped to grab coffee the next morning. She didn't touch him at all.

It was killing her.

Touch was such a frequent thing for her, such a necessity and she’d never even realized it. Not touching him all the time was swallowing her whole, and filling her with doubt and insecurities that threatened to take over her mind. Anytime she wasn't working, wasn't helping out, wasn't thinking, his voice would come back, loud and clear, asking her for space. Nothing would get rid of the fear that she was too clingy, that she was just too much.

It was hard to look at him without worrying if he actually hated her love if he was starting to realize she was just too much for him. Just a couple of sentences could bring back insecurities that weren't gone apparently, just lost, insecurities that haven't been found since the beginning of their relationship when everything was still new. Y/N thought she’d moved past them.

But she hadn't. And now she was avoiding her boyfriend.

They had both noticed the distance, the wall that separated them. Spencer didn't understand it at all, he didn't know if something had happened or if he had done something, and he couldn't find the courage to ask. Y/N didn't want him to know. She didn't want him to feel guilty. She tried to ignore it, the constant barrier between them, but there was always a tension in the room.

But this was work, and a boy's life was at risk. Relationship problems were the least of anyone's worries.

Y/N and Spencer were stuck in the tiny conference room they had given the team at the police station, both of them going over files, although Spencer was obviously doing most of the work. Y/N could feel her eyes starting to fall, it wasn't technically that late, but paired with the insomnia that kept her up at night and the exhausting day she had and even 6 o’clock would seem late to anyone.

It’d been an uncomfortable hour of silence and reading when Spencer finally spoke up,

“Is something wrong?” Y/N could feel him looking at her, leaning his head down as if to make eye contact, but all she could feel was the heat coming off his body, the comfortable way his hand would feel in hers, and the hug that she so desperately needed. Eye contact wasn't enough, would never be enough, so she didn't look up.

A couple of days ago they would have been sitting almost on each other's laps, while reading, pointing out small details they noticed and helping each other. A couple of days ago Y/N wouldn't feel sad at the sound of Spencer's voice, and she would have looked up.

A couple of days ago seemed like a dream.

She could hear Spencer sigh and put down the paper he was holding. “Y/N?” He came around and put his hand on her shoulder, and her breath caught. “Is there something wrong?” He asked again quietly.

A million different answers flashed in her head “Yes Spencer I’ve found out that you don't actually like me touching you and I don't know any way to cope with that.” or “I feel so incredibly guilty that I’ve been forcing you to deal with something that you don't like, and I feel even worse that I didn't notice it.” or “I just want a hug.”

But none of those thoughts came out of her mouth, what came out instead was “Yes Spencer! A little boy is missing and none of us have any fucking clue how to find him!”, quickly she pulled away from his hand, and forcefully grabbed her bag before saying “I’m gonna go call Hotch” and left slamming the door behind her.

She didn't look back to see the sad look on Spencer's face.

***

Bobby was alive.

And so were the two other women the unsub had taken.

They were alive.

And they had the rest of their lives to live.

The unsub was off to jail, where hopefully he could get over his bitter feelings towards his mother. Where hopefully he wouldn't hurt anyone else.

Bobby had a long walk ahead of him, with his mother gone, murdered by the same man that was supposed to be helping Bobby. The grief was going to hurt, he would always have a missing piece, and a difficult story to share. For the rest of his life.

But he was alive.

***

Going home to their small apartment was a relief. For both of them.

Y/N couldn't help but hope for some sleep. Just anything that would make her feel better. She couldn't shake the devastating feeling of grief that was stuck pounding in her chest.

As much as she tried she couldn't convince her mind to get rid of the cloud of sadness covering it. She figured a good night's sleep would help remove some of that.

The clashing colors and filled to the top bookshelves in the apartment made her feel at home, and she tried to imagine them as if they were a hug that was keeping her safe and warm.

Silence filled the apartment, both of them not saying anything, and quickly moving into different rooms. Y/N went to the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. She was going to let Spencer have as much space as she could give him before she went to bed.

They hadn't talked on the plane again, Y/N put as much distance between them on the couch as she could, and Spencer hasn't made any more moves to touch her since the scene in the conference room. Maybe he had taken the hint, or maybe he just didn't want to touch her. Y/N couldn't decide which one it was.

“Y/N?” Spencer said slowly from the other room, almost as if he was questioning if she was still there.

“Yeah?” she answered back in almost a whisper, which was fine for the acoustics of their small home.

The acoustics that couldn't mask the sigh she heard come from the man in the other room before there was the distinct question of “can you come here?”.

Y/N felt stupid being uncomfortable walking into her own room, but the tension between them had only grown in the past few days, and she really didn't want to be walking into another night of a clod bed and an unwavering feeling of doubt.

“Do you need something Spence?” Y/N could hear the wheels of her boyfriend's brain turning from across the room. She had not directly addressed him in days. It was a surprise to both of them.

“We need to talk.” The four words coming out of her boyfriend's mouth stopped her heart. Her brain was filled with what he had told JJ “I just need space.” What if he was breaking up with her? What if the space she was trying to give him wasn't enough? What if he needed so much space that even being in the same house as her was too much? What if she was still too much for him even when she was touching him?

Spencer cleared his throat and took a few steps toward her, moving closer to the door. “That sounded wrong I.. I didn't mean for it to sound like that- I just..” He stopped and she wondered why the words were so hard for him to get out? She wondered if this was really it. If the love of her life was going to leave. “What's going on with you?”

Now that, that surprised her.

“W- what?”

“Your face, I- I can see there's something wrong and I thought-'' Spencer's voice went up with his words, and Y/N could feel the emotion behind them. “ god I thought it was just the case because you seemed fine before, and that's what you told me. That's what you said!” his eyes were on her, watching her stare at the floor with such intensity clearly trying to voice the question in his voice. “I thought it was just the case? I thought it was just hard on you but you still look so.. So sad and you won't even look at me and just what is going on because there has to be something that I missed this- this didn't just happen?” His breath caught and all Y/N could do was stare at the floor and feel small.

She felt so small.

“N-” she cleared her throat trying to mask her voice into something stronger, “Nothing happened Spence.”

“Then why won't you look at me?” He demanded still trying to get her to look up, still trying to get her to just look at him.

“I- '' there were so many questions running through her head like how did they get there? How did any of this happen? How could she feel so miserable? Why couldn't she just look at him?

“You haven't look at me, you haven't talked to me, you haven't even brushed your arm against mine once in the past week! I know something happened, and I don't know if I did something wrong? But I just want you to talk to me!”

The emotion coming from Spencer's voice surprised Y/N, but not as much as his words. He had actually noticed all of that? She felt so overwhelmed, and she had no idea how to answer him, how to explain everything. Tears were pricking at her eyes, and all she wanted to do was run away from him, from all the problems. She just wanted to run away.

Spencer took a deep breath and moved even closer to Y/N, standing right in front of her, ducking his head down to try to meet her eyes. “Y/N...we’re supposed to talk to each other. That's what couples do, they talk. I just want you to talk to me.” The desperation in his voice was obvious, but at that moment all Y/N could hear was ridiculing, and she felt like a child again, getting told what to do. And it was too much.

She looked up.

“That's what I thought Spencer! We’re supposed to talk to each other! So why couldn't you just tell me that you ‘needed space’?!?” The mocking was clear in her voice, and even though she saw the shocked look on her boyfriend's face she couldn't stop now. She moved her hands to wipe her tears and started again, “why couldn't you just tell me that I’m too much? Why did I have to find out by you talking to JJ?! God, I’m just trying to give you space but I’m not very good at it, so excuse me if I’m acting strange!”.

Suddenly the mood in the room changed. Spencer finally understood, and Y/N felt relieved having her thoughts out in the open. Even though she was still terrified of what was going to happen, just expressing her feelings removed a big weight off of her chest.

“Y/N..”

“No! No. Its- it's fine. I’m sorry for yelling at you I’m just-” she felt small again, like all the courage she had was used when she had yelled at him. “I- maybe I’ll go see if Emily's okay with me crashing with her tonight- I just- I just have to get my stuff I’ll-” Y/N had turned around to go, ready to accept defeat when she felt the hands on her waist pulling her back. “Spence it's fine-”

“No, it's not fine.” He said harshly and insistently. He tried to get her to turn around, but she was frozen to her spot. “Will you please just look at me?”

It took a few moments but hearing the desperation in his voice, Y/N finally let him turn her around. They stared at each other for a few moments, both of them stuck on the eyes they hadn't actually seen in days. Spencer was the first to break the silence.

“I'm so so sorry.” The confusion must have been clear on his girlfriend's face because he continued, “I can't believe you could ever think I needed space from you, I can't believe I could ever believe I needed space from you.” There was guilt laced with frustration in his voice, and Y/N couldn't bring herself to speak.

Spencer was gentle while removing his hands from her waist, and instead placing them on her face, gently lifting her chin so that she couldn't look away. It was strange to be so intimate after not touching him for days. But the relief coming from Y/N’s body was clear, just a little touch removed all the ache she’d been feeling for days.

“I was wrong.” Spencer started again, the sentence unusual for someone as smart as him. “I don't need space, I just need you. I just need you Y/N.” his eyes were pleading with hers instant, and she hoped hers were telling him it was alright. “It was unbearable not touching you. I’ve felt so closed in, claustrophobic, these past couple of weeks and I thought I was because of you, but it wasn't, you touching me was the only thing holding me together honestly.”

Y/N felt more tears leave her, this time with happiness. Hearing that she could touch Spencer again flooded her body with the light she’d been missing.

“I'm so sorry you heard me talking. I’m so sorry I was talking in the first place. I never really know when to keep my mouth shut.” They both laughed at his words. The tension was gone, and instead, a bliss overcame them, the distance was so exhausting for both of them, touching each other was like caffeine that made their skin buzz.

“I love you, Spencer. I'm sorry for being so difficult.” He frowned at Y/N’s words, moving his thumbs slowly on her cheeks, and leaning down to kiss her.

It was soft and slow, almost like Spencer was trying to tell her how much he loved her, and how much he loved being with her through a kiss. And it reminded Y/N of their first kiss, so much questioning but still deeper. So she kissed him and tried to display the same feelings for him.

“You aren't going anywhere okay?” Spencer said breaking the kiss, a small smile resting on his face, a smile Y/N hadn't seen in days.

She pecked his lips and grinned at him, “just hold me okay?”.

And they were going to be okay. They hadn't talked everything out, but they were both exhausted, both barely awake. They would leave it for the night, and they would sleep peacefully in each others arms. Never again would space be included in the language they were building together.

pt. 2 here

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagines #criminal minds imagine #one shot #spencer reid oneshot #emily prentiss x reader

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whumpurr · 3 years

Text

Adrien and Sawdust part 6

cw: pet whump, whump recovery, bodily mutilation, self harm, brief and vague mention of past noncon, dehumanization, conditioned whumpee, unreliable narrator, brief mention of dissociation

masterlist

Sawdust was searching for his bag the second Master was gone. He hopped out of bed, punctuated with a fit of dizziness as he got to his feet, and crawled around the room looking for his duffel bag. The bright blue bag was nowhere to be found, and Sawdust wasn’t great at seeing in the dark either.

He started to wonder, to second guess himself. Did Master put the bag somewhere in the room and Sawdust just isn’t seeing it? Is he overlooking it? Did he even have a bag at all? Did it come with him to this new house, or was it left with his previous master? No, no, he remembered seeing it next to his kennel with those other people.

If he left the room now, Master would surely hear it and question him, or worse, punish him for disturbing his sleep. As much as Sawdust wanted his ears back, he just had to trust that Master would return them in due time.

Sleeping was difficult without the familiar squeeze of his headband around his head, but with a full stomach he managed to eventually fall asleep even if it took a while.

Sunlight came all too soon for Sawdust. The light peeked through the curtains and he couldn’t physically sleep any more. He was dreading going downstairs and having to face his master, having to eat beside him. He could only imagine what his master was going to do to him. Would he record him? Bring his friends over and show him how pathetic and stupid he looked eating out of a bowl on the floor? Sawdust shook himself out of his thoughts; he was just a dog anyways, he shouldn’t have enough of an ego to be embarrassed.

He was getting himself out of bed, going down onto his hands and knees when he heard a soft knock on the door, followed by Master’s quiet voice.

“Sawdust?” Master said from the other side of the heavy wooden door. “Come on, let’s go get some food.”

Sawdust got to the door and opened it with his paw, stepping out and following Master.

Master gave him a bowl of dog food once he was downstairs. Sawdust half contemplated asking Master about his ears, but really, if Master had taken them away then it was because Sawdust did not deserve them any more.

“Master,” Sawdust murmured, “Is- is there anything your pet can- can do? To assist?”

Master looked thoughtful for a moment then laughed, laughed at Sawdust.

“I think my work stuff is a bit advanced for you,” Master took a bite of his own food, “I want you to focus on… recovery, for now. Okay? That means you rest up and come get me if you want anything, food, water, whatever.”

Sawdust nodded, “Yes, Master,” before he continued eating, the hard kibble crunching satisfyingly between his teeth. He couldn’t work up the courage to ask Master about the ears or his bag, or where they’ve gone.

Lunch and dinner went similarly, with Master coming, getting his pet, and taking him downstairs to eat. Each time Sawdust couldn’t work himself up enough to ask Master about his ears. The lack of his ears made Sawdust feel… Wrong. Like he wasn’t a real dog, like he was a subpar pet. He wasn’t good enough to this new Master who had otherwise been so kind to him. What had he done to deserve this?

Night eventually fell, and Sawdust did his best to do as Master said and get to sleep. He curled up in the nest of blankets and pillows that his Master had made in the corner for him, and let himself begin to drift off. As he was doing so, he couldn’t help but wonder why his Master was withholding his belongings from him. Nevertheless, his eyelids grew heavy, and he eventually fell into a deep sleep.

Adrien was still getting accustomed to feeding someone using a dog bowl, with dog food, on the floor. It was a strange experience, and doing it made him feel dirty, but it was all Sawdust was going to accept so if it was between that or making the pet starve again, he would have to go with the former.

He was still very aware of just how lost he was in all of this. He searched the internet and scoured his social media for something that could give him some kind of life preserver in all of this. Finally, finally, he found something. A chatroom for pet owners. From the looks of it, it was heavily moderated and geared more towards pet liberation activists, and pet rehabbers, and people who actually cared for their pets. He requested to join and was accepted within the hour. He immediately sent a message to the ‘help’ section.

Adrien: >> Hey guys, I’m a new owner and I didn’t do as much research as I should have. >> Long story short, I didn��t keep as close an eye on my pet as I should’ve, and he ended up not eating because I wasn’t giving him dog food. Is that a normal thing? How can I help him?

It wasn’t five minutes before one of the other owners responded,

1Y4N4: >> oof, thats no good dude.. definitely watch him harder and probably just stick to feeding him what he wants for now. u said hes new right? let him stay in his comfort zone for a little bit probably

Adrien: >> Thanks. I’ll do that.

1Y4N4: >> np, im a bit more experienced as an owner but i dont think mine were as conditioned as urs >> at least not in that way

Zo: >> Bro wtf? You’re the source of your pet’s whole life and shit, you really should’ve done more research.

Adrien sat and watched as this ‘Zo’ person continued to rip into Adrien for his irresponsibility, though the ‘1Y4N4’ user at least tried to defend Adrien. It wasn’t long before Zo quieted down and 1Y4N4 was able to speak up again,

1Y4N4: >> lots of actual dogs eat things that arent dog chow >> maybe show your pet some videos of people feeding their dogs other stuff, maybe hell be more open then

Adrien thanked the user, and used the rest of his evening compiling some videos and researching, finding the outer bounds of what dogs could eat in hopes that he could convince Sawdust. It was far from exactly what he wanted, but he felt some semblance of satisfaction that there was at least a way to progress forwards.

Sawdust finally came up with a plan when he was coming out of the bathroom the next morning. It was before Adrien had gotten up. As Sawdust was leaving the bathroom, he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

His hair was all matted, and the fringe at his forehead was beginning to grow to hide his eyes. He looked lacking without his ears. There were deep circles under his eyes. At least the peaks of his cheeks and his lips were starting to regain some color now that he had a steady supply of food which he undoubtedly did not deserve. The scratched scar across his nose bridge and cheek that one of the other dogs gave him was still there. He looked at that and followed it across his face to his second ears.

His dumb second ears, the ones on either side of his head that his last master hated so much. His previous master had always told him that they made him look less like a dog, less like a pet, when a pet was all Sawdust ever wanted to be. Because if he wasn’t a pet, then he was a toy for both Master and the other dogs, and that was one step above the most reprehensible thing he could be. He had been downgraded to ‘toy’ for a short amount of time previously, and he was eternally grateful that he was never dropped even lower, to being nothing but food for the other dogs.

Master threatened that sometimes, chopping him up and feeding him to the other dogs.

Whenever Sawdust looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn’t help imagine it. Being cut up and thrown to other animals to eat. He found some part of himself that felt that- even if he could never do anything else right- he could do that right. He tried to halt that train of thought as quickly as he could, before his mind shunted him off to some dark, foggy place where he couldn’t think or feel until the bad thoughts went away.

But at the root of those thoughts, he found the problem, as well as the solution. He scrambled down to the kitchen as fast as he could go, wanting to work quickly before he could stop himself.

He got to the kitchen sink, and stood up on trembling, unused legs. They could hardly support his weight, he had to lean onto the granite countertop with his elbows as he reluctantly removed the tape from his paws using his teeth. He would need his fingers for this.

Sawdust’s breath was quick in his throat, the edges of his vision grew blurry as he tried to focus on this and only this. He had one task and he was not going to fail it. He wanted his ears back. He wanted his master to be happy with him again. Maybe this way he could earn his master’s attention and... Maybe even his affection, if a pet was allowed to hope.

Sawdust’s paws were shaky and clumsy as they took out the biggest knife out of the wooden blog. It was heavy and cold in his paw. With one paw he held the tip of one of his second ears and pulled it as far away from his head as he could.

The cold edge of the blade rested on his skin, at the valley between his second ear and his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn’t break down now, he couldn’t stop now. He took a deep, sharp breath and pressed down on the knife as hard as his feeble paws could.

Adrien shot out of bed to the sound of a piercing, howling scream from downstairs.

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 3 years

Text

too soon to tell, chapter t w o

You dropped your bag in the foyer of Harry’s house after work on a Thursday. It was quiet--he wasn’t home yet and you’d keyed in knowing that you’d have some time to yourself.

You felt a vibrating in your pocket when you shrugged off your coat, your visible reflection told you it was a FaceTime call, Alyssa’s name danced across the screen until you slid your thumb to answer.

“Hello, hello,” you greeted, walking to find a seat on the couch.

“Where are you?” She furrowed her brows as she took in your surroundings.

“At Harry’s--he’s out, though.”

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I will never get sick of you lounging in his house when he’s not there.”

You rolled your eyes at your old roommate’s antics--she’d always been the number one supporter of your relationship and when you texted her earlier saying you needed advice, she promised to call on her lunch break.

“I’m not lounging,” you informed with a shake of your head. “I just got out of work, we’re having dinner tonight.”

“Mr. Popstar isn’t too busy?” She teased, aware of the tension both of your schedules had been causing.

“Apparently not.”

She forked a bite of food into her mouth, the sun was shining through the window behind her, the walls of your old apartment were redecorated now with the art of your replacement. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Sort of,” you leaned back and let out a breath. “I mean, it’s all connected--”

“What is?”

“I’m getting to it,” you made a face at her through the phone. “So--don’t freak out, okay? Cause I don’t even know if anything will come from it and Harry doesn’t know yet.”

She nodded and gestured with her hand for you to get on with it.

Knowing Alyssa, she was already jumping to conclusions in her head. You were pregnant, you were engaged, you quit your job, you had a huge fight with your sister. No, no, no.

“I interviewed for a job in LA...and I haven’t told Harry because all our friends have been so excited about us being in the same spot again but--”

Her eyes went wide at the mention of a US city, she did her best to hold back her smile until it faded when you said: “I don’t know. Something feels off between us.”

“Off between you and Harry? More than just being busy?”

“I’m probably overthinking it but,” you looked around his living room. Pictures of his mum, his sister, his cousins--even his manager--were tucked in frames and placed on shelves. There wasn’t a trace of you in his house except for the toothbrush upstairs and the key on your keyring.

“It feels like we’re not moving forward. And we’ve both been busy, like I’ve told you, but since we don’t live together sometimes we go days without seeing each other and it’s fine, I get that he’s busy, obviously, but--”

“But you want to move in with him.”

“Well, I don’t know--I did, sort of, I think--but then I heard about this job in LA and it sounds amazing but Jessie just moved here and no one will shut up about how great London is.”

Alyssa offered a sympathetic frown and repositioned the bowl in front of her to get another bite. “What’s the job?”

You almost didn’t want to tell her, sure she’d get excited and eager to have you back in the same country. You winced a little, bracing for her reaction. “S’with E! News,” you shrugged. “It’d be on-air.”

“Shut up! Are you serious?!”

“Yes m’serious,” you rolled your eyes. “But I haven’t told any of them because you know how they are.”

She nodded, “Jessie will not want you to take it.”

“God love her, but of course not. And Harry spends time out there, so it might be okay, but it’s not like I could ask him to go with me.”

“Why not? He’s famous, Y/N--he belongs there.”

“It’s too soon,” you whined. “He’s not my fiancé and we don’t live together, so--I don’t want to make it weird.”

“But you love him,” she reasoned.

“Yeah, but s’been weird lately!" You tried to drive home the point. "He’s made no mention of moving in and we’ve been dating for a year and a half, I’ve been in London for over a year now. He’s not even mentioned it, Alyssa, I swear. He’ll say things like ‘one day we can go on vacation,’ and ‘what should we do for Christmas?’ But he’s made no concrete plans to actually have a future with me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t think you’re ready.”

“Maybe he’s not ready,” you volleyed.

“Maybe,” Alyssa shrugged. “But you won’t know if you don’t ask him.”

“But if I ask him and he’s not on the same page I’ll look like an idiot and he’s busy with the album and now I’m thinking about moving to LA and--”

She watched you, waited for you to say more, but you were out of words. You changed gears.

“Maybe we’re just not meant to be long term.”

“Oh come on,” she groaned. “Not this again.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Your whole ‘we should have left it in New York’ shit.”

You lifted your eyebrows to demand further details.

“You were freaked out in the beginning that you’d move back there and it would be weird.”

“And?”

“Was it weird?”

“Not at first, I guess. But I mean, come on---don’t you think we should have taken some kind of step forward by now? Even just mentioning the idea of moving in together?”

“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. “Maybe it’s different with someone like him.”

You rolled your eyes--what if that’s what you were sick of?

People always said that: it’s different because of his job, it’s different because he’s on the road, it’s different because he’s famous.

Of course it was, and that was fine, for a while. But what if Harry’s job always got in the way of feeling normal? What if you couldn’t have a real wedding because of it? What if you could never send your children to summer camp because of it?

Were you willing to sacrifice your own future to live an unconventional life with someone just because you loved him?

“When will you hear back about the job?”

“Dunno--talked to them last week on Monday and they said this week at some point. S'been a while, so hopefully soon.”

You’d been keeping busy, trying to avoid your personal email at all costs and also making sure that Harry had limited visibility of your screen at all times.

“Do you want it?”

You thought on it for a second. Being offered a job at a company like E! would certainly be an ego boost, but the mere thought of having to explain to all of your friends that yes, you’d been back in London for 18 months and now you were packing up and moving even farther away than before wouldn’t be easy. That seemed to be the one certainty in the whole situation: no one would take it well.

“I don’t want to leave everyone here, especially Harry--but I also don’t want to be stupid and think that this relationship is going somewhere if it’s not.”

Alyssa nodded and let out a sigh. “I get that, I mean, of course you have to do what’s best for you. But I’d hate to see you not be with him just because things are hard right now.”

You leaned your head back on the couch and sighed. You didn’t want to break up with Harry. If anything, you wanted to move forward and move in with him and do what you’d always imagined: have a good job, have a few kids, try to be happy.

But what if you’d been naive enough to think you could have all of that with Harry and what if this is how you were finding out that you couldn’t?

Were you still stuck in your teenage fantasy of marrying the boy you'd long been crushing on?

She watched you for a second before she reassured: “you’ll figure it out.”

You smiled, glad you’d called Alyssa if only to have someone talk you off the edge a little bit. You missed waking up one room over and her love for basketball games and New York 99 cent pizza.

“Well it’s not like I have to make a decision right now,” you said. “I haven’t even heard back from them. For all I know they could never reach out again because I bombed my interview.”

She rolled her eyes at your self-deprecation and offered a few final words of encouragement before you hung up and promised to catch up soon.

Ever since you’d left, Alyssa had taken it upon herself to keep you up to date on the ins and outs of New York. New restaurant? She’d send you pictures and a 200 word review. Crazy subway rats making the news again? Articles and video proof would be sent your way in a matter of hours.

She’d gotten a new roommate to fill your bedroom and apparently things weren’t always peachy between them. Peyton was quiet and shy--according to Alyssa. She was up every morning at 6am and in the shower at 6:30. She did yoga in the living room and hated it when Alyssa left empty beer bottles on the coffee table.

Alyssa was starting to lose her shit, swearing up and down that she needed to either pull the trigger and move in with Owen or find a new place altogether. It was my apartment first, she’d say. She should leave, not me.

It had been hard that year to leave the city you’d grown to love but harder to leave Alyssa and Carly and the things that made New York feel like home. It was also, in hindsight, hard to leave the place where you and Harry reconnected and built the foundation of your current relationship.

You heard commotion from the front door only a few minutes later when you rummaged through Harry’s kitchen for a snack.

“Hi,” he called from the other room, a close-lipped smile when you stuck your head around the corner to greet him.

“Hi! How was the photoshoot?”

“Good,” he nodded, watching as you stuck your hand into a box of crackers. “What time are we meeting everyone?”

Right--Thursday also meant dinner somewhere downtown with everyone in tow.

“7pm--but Jessie said we should try to get there early since it’s a new place and no one’s ever been.”

He nodded in acknowledgement of your words but seemed distracted, like his mind was somewhere else and his body was the only thing tying him to the room.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking back up at you. “Just a busy day and a busy week.”

You nodded, unsure if he wanted to say more or if you were supposed to have more of a reply than a simple nod of your head.

You’d both been stammering out awkward sentences and trying to dance around the elephant in the room for a few weeks, but now, under his gaze, you felt more uncertain than before.

“Are you okay?” He turned the question around and watched you closely.

“Yeah,” you shrugged, moving to sit on the couch.

“You seem--off.”

You didn’t know what it was. Could he possibly sense the tension in your shoulders as you waited for an email either way? You got the job! We regret to inform you…

Or was he just aware that you felt awkward since it had been almost two weeks since you had any considerable amount of alone time and even longer since you were able to have a date night that wasn’t interrupted by Jeff or Erica or someone who needed something from him.

He took a few steps closer towards you, a look of concern etched on his features. “What’s wrong?”

The words were on the tip of your tongue when he looked at you, eyebrows lifted as he waited for you to spit it out.

“I guess I feel like we’ve been distant.”

He pushed his head forward, almost like he hadn’t expected that to be the issue. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, caught off guard by his pushiness. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought it up.

“You don’t know?” He pressed.

You broke eye contact with him for a minute, wondering why you had to state the obvious. “Well, you’re busy all the time, Harry.”

He let his shoulders rise and fall in defeat, looking around the room in frustration. “I told you that finishing the album would be busy.”

“Yeah, but you forgot to mention that you’d also be busy when the album is done once promo starts and then tour,” your voice was quiet, not so much angry as you were upset.

You were tired. You wanted nothing more than to spend a night on the couch with him and only him, tell him about LA and about the sudden itch you felt to see more of the world than just London.

But with Jake and Adam always around and Bryn and Jessie, too, paired with interruptions from Jeff and Erica--it felt as if there was no hope for a private or honest conversation.

He came to sit closer to you on the couch now, took your hands in his. “I know my job is a lot, okay? I know it’s annoying that I don’t necessarily get weekends off or have a typical schedule, but once the album is out and the promo is done I’ll have a bit of a break before the tour. We can go on vacation somewhere, just us.”

It sounded nice, maybe a tropical island or a cabin in the woods. But before you could nod in agreement the thought of Los Angeles popped into your head.

His album was due out in December, promo from now through the New Year, some time off in February and March for both of your birthdays and then tour. You had no clue where you’d be by then.

Would you be in LA? Would you be in London? Would you be stuck in this same spot on his couch with decision paralysis and a crushing sense of uncertainty about the future?

He knew you were over-thinking and tilted his head. “What?”

You blew out a slow breath of air, twisted a ring on your finger and then looked up at him again.

You didn’t even have a chance to be more honest, a buzz on your phone on the coffee table in front of you both broke the room in half, the name of the woman you’d spoken to was in bold next to your email icon. You reached for it quickly, Harry’s brows furrowed when you pulled it close to your chest so he wouldn’t see.

“What’s that?”

Hi Y/N, thank you so much for your patience over the last few days. We would love to offer you a position with NBC Universal - E! News as an on-air correspondent in our Los Angeles headquarters.

You looked up at him quickly, cheeks red and heart racing.

“What’s happening, are you okay?”

“I got a job offer,” you said quickly, still holding the phone close to you.

“What?” He smiled, “why didn’t you tell me you were looking? I didn’t even know--”

“It’s in Los Angeles.”

His smile faded instantly, he blinked a few times like he must have misheard you. The leather of his couch felt cool beneath your legs, a clock on the wall ticked and for a second, you wondered if he could hear your pulse as loudly as you could.

He pulled his eyes away from you but then quickly scanned over your face. “Are you taking it?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Silence, words filled your brain and crawled up the back of your throat, desperate to be said out loud, in real life, instead of just circling in your head.

Because I don’t know what we’re doing or if we’re moving forward. I don’t know where I want to live. I don’t know if I can stay in London forever. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Only the last part made it out between your lips. “I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he stood up, more angry now as he looked around the room and scratched at the base of his neck. “This kind of feels like a bombshell to drop on someone.”

“I was going to tell you--but we haven’t had a second alone, I just didn’t want to have to tell everyone before I knew what was happening.”

“You didn’t even tell me you interviewed,” he said.

“The last time I saw you alone we got interrupted by Erica three times in one conversation.”

“Probably for a good reason--”

“But you seriously can’t even put your phone down lately when we have dinner, even when everyone else is there!”

“I can’t help it that my work is insanely busy right now!”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” you said this quickly, voice higher than usual and a heat on your skin that he normally didn’t provoke, at least not in a bad way. You stood from the couch and put your hands on your hips. “I don’t know what I’m going to do and I don’t even know if this job is right for me and under no circumstances are you allowed to tell anyone. Especially Jessie.”

He rolled his eyes at that.

“What’s the eye roll for?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Everyone just got back and now you might leave and--”

“I said I don’t know if I’m going to take it.”

He was quiet at that, clucked his tongue in thought but then disappeared upstairs to shower and change.

The car ride over was awkward, he asked how your day had been and you told him you talked to Alyssa, he bristled when you admitted you told her about it.

It wouldn’t be the end of the conversation, you were sure of that. You’d likely end up at his for the night and he’d apologize for being busy, you’d apologize for not telling him and maybe, you hoped, he’d ask you to stay over.

When you greeted Adam with a hug, you ignored Harry’s sour mood and opened the menu in front of you.

“My first dinner as a Londoner,” Jessie smiled, shimming her shoulders in excitement when Bryn looked over the specials across the table from you.

“This is on you, right? New job, new salary?” Jake teased.

“Maybe if I hadn’t just bought a whole new bedroom set,” she rolled her eyes.

“How’s everything with you?” Adam eyed Harry, his question veiled to avoid too many details in public.

Luckily, Harry’s ability to go out in public in London was similar to that in New York. As long as a private room or a table in the back was requested, he could typically get away unscathed if dinner was less than 2 hours and if he had his back to the dining room.

“Fine,” he shrugged, eyes still down at the drink menu.

“Fine?” Jessie leaned forward, her tone insinuating that she didn’t believe him. “You’ve been working really hard all summer and now all you say is ‘fine?’”

He glanced up at her, lips in a forced smile. “S’all good, Jess--just tired.”

Bryn gave you a look, one that asked what stick is up his ass?, before she changed the topic.

“Let’s not tell our server how fit she is tonight, yeah?”

Jake let out a snort of a laugh and sipped at the water that had already been brought to your table. “Alright, you thought the one last week was just as hot as I did.”

“I did,” Bryn agreed seriously, “but I didn’t offer my number unsolicited. How do you know she’s even straight?”

“She’s got a point,” Jessie chimed in. “Remember when you asked that girl to dance in the club when her girlfriend was right there with her arm around her?”

“I thought they were just mates!” Jake defended.

“You also have the worst radar for gay women ever,” Bryn nodded.

“When was this?” Harry asked, the hint of a smile on his face when he watched Jake adjust his napkin on his lap.

The words came out of your mouth without thought. “You weren’t here--you were in LA.”

He met your eyes when you replied, nodded, and then leaned back in his chair, effectively bowing out of the conversation without saying another word.

You weren’t trying to be short with him. You looked over to Jessie, who undoubtedly sensed the tension, and offered a smile. “How’s the flat?”

“Good,” she nodded. “Glad that all my furniture got put together without any scratches,” she reached over and patted Adam on the shoulder.

“We’re not children, Jessie, we can handle some furniture.”

“You broke my dresser when I asked you guys to move it into another room,” Bryn reminded, a look of confusion on her face at Adam’s retort.

“Only because it was already half broken and a piece of shit,” Jake said. “I love you, Brynnie, but that dresser was already knocking on Heaven’s door.”

Harry let out a laugh at that, another memory that he had missed while on a trip to a studio somewhere north of London. He excused himself to the bathroom after you placed your orders, and once he was out of earshot, Jake leaned down and looked at you.

“What’s going on with him?”

You forced a cheesy grin and blinked a few times. “He’s just grumpy.”

“‘Bout what?” Bryn asked.

“Guys,” you leaned back in your chair, hoping you didn’t have to say too much. “I can’t tell you every single thing that happens in our relationship.”

“Well, when it affects us I think we have the right to know,” Jessie shrugged, playing the typical we don’t like when our parents fight card.

“It’s not affecting you,” you shook your head, eyed her seriously over your glass of Pinot Noir.

Adam shrugged, a smirk on his face let you know he was trying to rile you up. “He’s grumpy at dinner and we’re all here and we’re all aware of it. We don’t like tension between you two.”

“Alright, leave the woman alone,” Jake waved them off. “As long as everything’s alright.”

“It’s totally alright,” you nodded, wondering when you’d gotten so comfortable lying to them. “He’s just busy with the next phase of work.”

With Harry’s album yet to be announced, you couldn’t sit around in a London restaurant and divulge details--even if you were all acutely aware of the work he’d put in and the upcoming announcements and events.

Adam let it go. “How’s work for you, Smalls?”

Another shrug of your shoulders, “s’good--I told you all about my November cover story, right?”

“Yeah,” Jessie sipped a glass of Cabernet. “But you said you didn’t know who it was going to be with.”

“Well, s’cause I had to drop the bomb on him first,” you nodded in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be sitting down in a few days with Ms. Gigi Hadid,” you lowered your voice and leaned forward to say her name.

Bryn’s eyes went wide, Jake grimaced.

“How’d he take that?” Adam asked.

“He’s not thrilled,” you admitted. “But I’ll talk with his team about what to avoid specifically, I guess. Her team will probably have a list of off-limits items too.”

Bryn let her elbows rest on the white tablecloth. “Yeah, but, you can’t just ignore the fact that she’s dating Zayn.”

“I also can’t just barge in and stir shit up,” you said.

Harry pulled his chair out next to you and sat back down. “Who are you stirring shit up with?”

Everyone chose to be quiet now--Adam looked down at his phone and Jessie reached for her wine again.

“Just telling them about my cover story,” you admitted, watching his face for a reaction.

He nodded, a tiny smirk in your direction. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stir shit up,” he said, reaching to put a hand on your thigh beneath the table.

Those were the moments that made you feel less panicky--the realization that he was still choosing you and even when the tension was high and the mood was low, he’d reach over and remind you that yes, he cared. Even if he was late to dinner or distracted.

Which is why, when you got back in his car that night and headed for his house, you were surprised when his mood shifted again.

“I’ll just drop you at yours?”

“Oh--yeah, sure.”

“Did you want to come to mine?” He looked over at you like he hadn’t expected any resistance to sleeping separately.

You were quiet for a second--not if he didn’t want you there. “No, it’s fine.”

“I can’t read your mind, Y/N.”

“You don’t have to,” you said quickly, a prickly tone to your words when he made an unreadable face.

He drove in silence for a few minutes, closing in on your neighborhood when the street lamps disappeared for the sake of suburbia.

Eventually he cleared his throat and that sent you over the edge.

“What do you want me to say, Harry? Do you want me to apologize for interviewing for this job?”

“No,” he said simply. “I just don’t know why you thought you didn’t need to tell me about a huge decision like that.”

“It wasn’t a decision until today when they offered it to me.”

“Just seems like something you talk to your boyfriend about.”

You looked over at him in the dark of night, the glow from the dashboard didn’t help you see his features as he turned left onto your street.

“Well, sorry that we didn’t have the opportunity to talk about it between your work schedule and Jessie moving in and group dates--”

He slowed down on your street, put his flashers on when he stopped in front of your building. “I don’t want to keep secrets from each other,” his voice was softer now. “I don’t want to not know what’s going on in your life. I did enough of that for two years when we weren't talking.”

You sighed at this, the sentiment broke whatever anger was lurking inside you and when you looked up to see him, you wondered if you should ask him.

Are we ever going to move in together? Are we ever going to get engaged?

You figured the lead up to his sophomore album wasn’t the best time for that conversation. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you climbed the stairs to your flat alone.

A few days later you sat nervously in a conference room and watched as beads of sweat formed on the water glass in front of you. Tyler had brought you in, offered you a breath mint, and promised you’d be fine. When you asked him if the whole room was hot he said it was just you and your nerves--but the droplets of water that raced towards the wooden conference table begged to differ.

You’d gotten email after email this morning: one from Jeff with the rules he and Harry had come up with and eight from Gigi’s team with requests for snacks, topics to discuss, topics to avoid, lunch request, arrival and departure time, and a few extra regarding booking her photoshoot the next day.

A text lit up your screen when you tried to smooth your your hair in the reflection of your screen.

Jake Newcomb (10:42am): In case you’re wondering what to get me for my birthday, a video of Gigi Hadid saying she loves me would be perfect!

You ignored his text and felt a pang of disappointment in your gut, you thought it would have been Harry with words of encouragement.

He was fine with you doing the interview, he seemed to come around to the idea when he met with Jeff and had a chance to mark some things as off limits.

So far, his list was as follows:

Don’t publish anything too negative about anyone in the band (if she says anything negative about anyone in the band)

Harry and Jeff got to listen to the taped interview

Harry and Jeff got to read the article before you sent it off to your editor and could make suggestions to cut things if they felt it necessary.

It seemed silly, but you’d long been used to the lingo of contracts and riders and ground rules for things like these. You knew both Harry and Jeff trusted you, in fact, Jeff was now choosing to see this as a good opportunity for press before the announcement of Harry’s album.

Your biggest concern, truly, was not looking/sounding/acting like an idiot in a room alone with Gigi Hadid. Your second biggest concern was conducting a unique interview and writing a unique article.

You knew that Naomi and Tyler were nearby for support if needed, Tyler had already walked by the conference room three times to see if your subject had arrived and likely to make sure you hadn’t sweat through your blouse. You thought the commotion in the hallway was him until you saw a group of busy-looking people with cellphones and sunglasses.

“Hi,” you stood from your chair, extended a hand in her direction and offered your best professional smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Gigi, thanks for doing this interview.”

She seemed hesitant at first, smiled a little and shook your hand. “Happy to,” she said. She turned over her shoulder and locked eyes with the woman who seemed to be the most in-charge of the group. “I’m good,” she nodded.

They hustled out quickly, you stood frozen in place and watched as she took off her coat before sitting in the chair you’d pulled out for her. Once the door was shut behind her posse, she let out a sigh that bled into a frustrated laugh.

“I could never do an interview with all of them just loitering around--wouldn’t that be so weird?”

You nodded, mirrored her smile and had to remind your body how to move. Left foot, right, breathe, sit in the chair.

You weren’t really one to get star struck, but then again, you didn’t spend too much time with celebrities that weren’t Harry or his close friends. You certainly never sat down with a model like Gigi to have a conversation that could be as awkward as this one.

She checked her phone quickly but then put it face down on the table. “I am happy to do this, I know it might feel weird for us to be hanging out--but boys are stupid anyway.”

You smiled at this, immediately relaxed when she leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs.

“Did you also get a whole list of things to not talk to me about?”

She stifled a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Zayn can be a man of few words but,” she looked down at your phone on the table. “Off the record--he had quite a bit to say when I told him you were doing the interview.”

“Off the record,” you laughed, “Harry did too. But how is Zayn?”

“He’s good--thinking about getting back in the studio at some point to start working on a new album, he’s been writing a bunch. Harry’s doing the same I assume?”

“Yes, yeah, he’s been really busy.”

“I know things might not have gone great between all of them at the end, but I don’t want this to be awkward for us.”

“Me neither. You can say as much or as little about the band as you’d like.”

She nodded, you figured it was time to give your pre-interview spiel.

“So, I’ll record us in a few seconds, you can obviously say ‘off the record’ if there’s something you don’t want me to include, but I like my interviews to be like conversations, basically. I’ll send someone on your team the recording when we’re done and a typed transcript. You’ll have 48-hours to look over it and revoke any statements that you don’t want me publishing or to clarify anything. After that I’ll write the story, send a final copy to your team before it gets finalized here, again, 48-hours to look it over and request any changes but at that time we don’t have to approve the requests. This is all in a document somewhere that someone probably signed for you--I’m sure your team is used to it, they know what they’re doing.”

You reached forward and pressed a few buttons on your phone, she watched until you looked up and told her: “It’s on now, so we’re recording and today is September 10th, 2019.”

She smiled like you were old friends. “Where do we start?”

“Is there somewhere you want to start?”

She leaned her head to the side. “We can jump right to it--”

“To what?”

“Oh come on,” she laughed. “Us talking about One Direction will make headlines for weeks.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “It’s funny that us just sitting down together will be a big deal, right? As if we’ve got nothing better to talk about than them.”

“Sexism at it’s finest,” she admitted.

“Do you find that a lot in your industry?”

She thought on this for a second, looked out the window but nodded. “It’s unavoidable, in a lot of ways. I think there have been a lot of changes over the last few years to at least move us in the right direction, but we’ve got a long way to go.”

“How would you want to see it change for the better?”

“Well, I’d love to have more privacy about my love life, for one,” she caught herself, looked to you quickly as if she felt bad. “Off the record, we can talk about it here, it’s fine. It’s different to talk about it with a woman, number one. And you’re you, you get it.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you offered.

“No, I don’t mind. Unless you plan on asking me stupid things like how amazing is it to be dating someone as handsome as him or do I find that his job overshadows mine, we’re good. We can be back on the record, too,” she looked down at the numbers on your phone, eyeing the ticking of the recording clock.

“But do you know what I mean? No one asks guys questions like that--or they’re different, at least. People just want to know everything about your relationship when you’re a woman and they view you in the context of who you’re sleeping with.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I get that.”

She smiled, “it’s hard to date someone famous, isn’t it? Lots of rules around it.”

You were surprised by the genuine look in her eyes, despite her own status and contracts and income, she seemed to be acknowledging that the two of you shared a unique experience and were now brought together under strange circumstances.

“It’s definitely hard for me--but, isn’t it easier seeing as you also have an assistant and a manager and people to, I don’t know, facilitate things? Not to invalidate how hard it still is.”

She laughed at that, “Yeah, in some ways, probably. He’s really private though, which is good for us. We focus on ourselves and do our own thing most of the time.”

“Right--you seem pretty private about it for the most part.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, reflecting on your words for a second. “I think to me it feels weird that my relationship status can make so much news, you know? Modeling is my job and obviously that’s not your typical nine-to-five but--I like to focus on my work and when male journalists are continuously obsessed with my love life, I find that weird. I mean, you get that, right? I’m sure it’s no different with Harry.”

You bit your lip, embarrassed at how she’d managed to turn it around. She was right--you’d been getting more and more annoyed with how much your relationship with Harry was dictating your life--and for some reason, you admitted this to her.

“People are much more interested in me because I’m dating him--but they’d be just as interested in you even if you weren’t.”

“Would they?” She tilted her head to the side, another rise and fall of her shoulders as she looked around the room. “I get what you’re saying, but sometimes it feels like dating him gave my career a huge boost. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, I totally get it. I feel the same way. I was building my career in New York and it was going well and I was writing fun stuff and making a name for myself and then I started hanging out with him and--”

“Everyone started to care more about you?”

“Exactly.”

You thought about the headlines, the articles, the pictures in tabloids that undoubtedly helped your name spread like wildfire through London and New York. You had to ignore it, most of the time, reassure yourself that you were a good journalist and a good employee and the good things in your career were not just a byproduct of the boy who slept in your bed.

She smiled knowingly, her lips in a thin line when she looked down to the tape recorder, almost like she felt guilty for steering the conversation in a different direction.

“Sorry,” you cleared your throat, sitting up straight. “Back to business.”

The conversation bled into more normal things: the upcoming fall fashion week, how she manages self-care when she’s busy jetting from city to city, and, try as you might, the two of you wound your way back to your commonalities a few times: sexism in your industries, life as young women dating famous men.

You thanked her profusely at the end and promised that Tyler would be in touch to confirm the date and time for her corresponding photoshoot later that week. She draped a Versace leather tote over her shoulder and seemed to float out of the office with a posse of beautiful people behind her.

You stood--still awestruck--in the hallway and watched as the elevator doors slid shut.

“She’s prettier in person,” Tyler said from beside you, a notebook in hand as he stared at the air she’d once occupied. “I didn’t know if that type of thing was possible but she’s definitely one of the prettiest humans I’ve ever seen.”

“She was nice,” you turned around to see Naomi behind him, also eager for more details. You headed back for your office in a trance, they scurried behind you as you thought aloud. “I mean, I didn’t think she’d be rude--but I didn’t know what to expect with the whole band history stuff.”

“Did you talk about that?”

“Less about the band and more about--” you blinked a few times and sat down at your desk, “sexism, what it’s like to be a woman dating a famous man and how that affects your career.”

Both of their eyes went wide, a smile tugged at Naomi’s lips when Tyler put a hand over his heart in shock.

“I’m sorry, so you’re telling me that you just had a heart to heart with Gigi Hadid about sexism and your boyfriends and--”

“I guess so,” you shrugged, just as surprised as they were.

You gave Harry fewer details that night over FaceTime as you brushed your teeth. He was somewhere in New York, disappointed that he’d miss Jake’s birthday dinner and celebration, but he promised to make it up to him when he got back.

He lifted a cup of tea to take a sip, light shone through the window behind him on your screen and he scrolled through emails on his laptop.

You spit into the sink, an ocean between you.

“Have you thought at all about the offer? You have to tell them by tomorrow, yeah?”

You nodded, wiped at your mouth with a towel and then crossed your arms. “I can stay, I mean--if you want me to.”

He made a face at that, leaned forward and furrowed his brows together. “Of course I want you to stay, Y/N, but I don’t want to be the reason you pass on something important."

You were quiet for a second, uncapped lotion before spreading some across your forehead.

"I'm sorry I didn't react well when you told me. I'm proud of you and it sounds like a phenomenal opportunity...I don't know, it's just the timing of it--"

You cut him off, “well none of this is ideal timing, Harry.”

“Do you mean with my album?”

“I mean with any of it,” you said truthfully. “The album, the job offer--”

“Well the album existed before the job offer,” he trailed off.

Only a matter of seconds and a handful of words had managed to get you elevated and angry and ready to fight. That was happening more easily, these days.

“So what am I supposed to do? Always come second? Make every decision in my life based off of your career and your music?”

“S’not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that--I dunno--I thought you knew what you were getting into.”

Quiet, your hands gripped the counter in your bathroom. Your bare feet were on the floor and you wondered why you were trying so hard to make everything work if things were only getting harder.

“That came out wrong,” he shook his head, the look on his face let you know he wanted to take it back.

“No, it didn’t." You let out a sharp laugh. "I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Take the job,” he said quickly, like he saw you reaching for the button to end the FaceTime call.

“What?”

“Take it. If it’ll make you happy, take it.”

“And what about us?”

“We figure it out,” he shrugged. “We try.”

You sighed, unsure what to say.

"It's Los Angeles," he said. "Not Antarctica."

You blew air between your lips, looked up at him for a second. The curl of hair that dipped onto his forehead, the way his mouth pulled up in the corner like it always had.

“I love you, Y/N. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

His words didn’t offer any relief and you spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning and wondering how on earth you were supposed to make a decision.

Leaving him in London felt stupid. A few bumps in the road and you were ready to jump ship?

But staying and hoping for a ring or a shared address felt even stupider, somehow. You couldn’t pass up a dream job and hope that things would go well for your career if you weren’t going to work for it.

A few hours of rest came after 3am, your morning coffee was a tad bitter and the clouds in the sky seemed to match your mood. Maybe you should have spent more time thinking it over, talking it out, even calling your mum or Katie for advice.

But you couldn’t have told everyone about the job offer without a certain answer, and unfortunately, the person you wanted to talk to the most didn’t seem like he could be impartial.

You’d been upset, you’d been feeling disconnected from him, but that didn’t erase all of the good times and the happy memories you’d made, right?

Naomi and Tyler locked themselves in your office for lunch on Friday, they promised that they’d never tell your boss and they swore they supported you either way. Tyler used an expo marker to make a pros and cons list of staying in London and Naomi came up with a points system for each bullet on the list.

You stared at it, looked at the names of all of your friends, your family, your favorite cafes and restaurants in London. At the very bottom of what had become a long list of reasons to stay was his name.

And on the other side, Tyler’s poor drawing of an engagement ring sat beside a big question mark.

You didn’t know what the future held for you and Harry, and maybe that was okay. You didn’t know what would happen when you packed your life into a suitcase and moved to New York, but you’d survived to tell the tale.

They were quiet, eyes darting from the board back to you as they waited for you to say something.

You sighed, Tyler shifted on the couch in your office and Naomi smoothed out her blouse.

“I can’t take it,” you said.

Tyler’s eyes went wide, “really? You’re staying?”

“I can’t leave,” you shrugged. “I can’t leave him behind and leave my friends and start all over in a new city right as I’m really finding my groove here again.”

“Okay, I know we said we’d support you either way but I would have been fucking pissed if you went,” Tyler admitted, moving closer to wrap his arms around you.

You laughed, let him squeeze you before Naomi joined in.

“Me too,” she confessed, a smile on her face when she pulled away. “But I would have at least faked happy for you.”

You bit back the doubt and second-guessing, used their excitement to fuel a regretful email.

Thank you so much for the opportunity, but after careful consideration I cannot accept this position due to the geographical location.

Your thumb hovered over the small blue arrow, a wave of panic flooded through you when you hit send, like somehow, something inside of you knew that everything was about to change.

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