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thelostgirl21 · 10 months

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A celebration of Joey Batey offering TV show writers a pure masterclass on how to write a queer character with a queer audience in mind.

Can I just say how much respect and appreciation I have for Joey, that he went above and beyond in term of queer representation, by bringing some much needed attention towards people on the aromantic spectrum, and making gender a complete romantic/sexual (and even queerplatonic) non-issue?

I mean, imagine that you are part of a show with a young and powerful canonically bisexual lead, Ciri, who is at an age where people might start exploring their own sexuality, slowly figuring out who and what they like, etc.

And suddenly, you're offered to also be playing another queer lead character, with a male love interest - while knowing it will be the very first time that the audience will be officially introduced to the idea of Jaskier being queer...

And, instead of going with the more familiar, and often expected:

"A man that's always been with women before, now finds himself romantically and sexually attracted to a man, and starts questioning his own sexual identity..." coming out story...

You find yourself with a unique opportunity to go a bit further, to explore more specific and lesser known LGBTQ+ themes, and to delightfully surprise your queer audience!

You can take a full dive into the wonderful world of Queerdom, by exploring a different - yet just as equally important and significant - coming out story!

i.e.

"A usually aromantic person, that has always experienced squishes, smushes, and possibly meshes before, finds himself experiencing a (sapio)romantic crush for the very first time, and starts questioning his romantic identity..."

Of course, a lot of people in the audience will probably miss this.

The monosexuals that have been conditioned to believe that gender must always play a role in how one experiences romantic and sexual human attraction - will likely be paying more attention to how Jaskier is showing an interest in a man.

People that are used to equating "falling in love" with "romantic attraction", might miss the significance and importance of Vespula specifically using the word crush to refer to Jaskier's current attraction towards Radovid.

People that typically see non-gender-related orientations as "mere preferences", or have simply never heard of them, might miss how Jaskier goes on and on about how "emotionally intelligent and insightful Radovid is" , with a look of vulnerability and wonder, putting emphasis on how different he feels about him.

People that were taught to see emotional relationships according to the "platonic vs romantic" binary - with a strict idea of what each means and implies - may not be familiar with what queerplatonic relationships are, and will interpret Jaskier saying that he loves Geralt "platonically" as meaning that he's not as deeply and strongly in love with him as one might usually expect a romantic partner to be.

They'll be unaware that there are committed life partners out there - that would go to the end of the world for each other and perhaps even share sexual intimacy together - that don't have any romantic feelings for each other whatsoever.

Romance does not mean "being in love", romance means "being in love in a romantic way".

And it is not the only way.

To aromantics and greyromantics - and even to romantic people that also have the capacity to fall in love in non-romantic ways, such as yours truly - queerplatonic and alterous relationships aren't "lesser than" romantic ones, they are different.

And Radovid... is different.

Radovid is no better, nor worse, than a hammer...

But he's a spoon.

He's a romantic connection that is completely new, exciting and intriguing to explore for Jaskier!

According to Joey Batey, as a sapioromantic panromantic pansexual, Jaskier finds himself developing a strong sapioromantic and sapiosexual connection with Radovid.

Jaskier is representing people that aren't romantically or sexually affected by a partner's gender in the way that they experience sexual atttraction, and people that experience a lot of tertiary attraction when falling in love, while very seldom ever being able to love others in a romantic way (sapioromantics / greyromantics... ).

Jaskier is a queer character that was truly created with a queer audience in mind!

He was created so that all of us that don't see or experience love according to the platonic vs romantic binary.

All of us that are hyperaware of those other forms of attraction (tertiary, aesthetic, sensual, etc.) that one can experience for another human being.

All of us that don't see or experience romance or sexuality as something that ties into their partner's gender.

Could finally see themselves in a character on screen.

Of course, you still need characters that experience their sexuality while feeling like the gender of their romantic and sexual partners matters - including those that love all genders... Desperately so!

First, because all members of the queer community matter and are equally as important and valuable. Rejoicing over Batey diving into lesser known and familiar representation doesn't mean that familiar and better known representation should not be encouraged and celebrated as well!

This is not a "there should be less gay character on TV to make room for more aromantics and asexuals instead" post.

This is a "we need queer identities people are less familiar with in addition to proper gay, lesbian and bisexual representation" post.

And second, because you still need characters that don't stray too much from the platonic v.s. romantic binary, too - and the usual social conventions tied to romance and sexuality - so that non-queer audiences can more easily connect, and empathize with, the queer community.

Because, when the existence of bisexuality already is something that monosexual people often have a hard time understanding, acknowledging, or even believing in...

Well, going:"By the way, I'll have you know that you can totally want to have sex with, live, and raise children with someone you've got platonic feelings for, too!"

You might accidentally lose them.

And if you try to explain that some people are unable to romantically connect with anyone, unless they get specifically attracted to their intellect (often combined with their aesthetic looks)!

That's likely going to be even worse!

And this is where Batey's pure genius comes to light.

Because he's just shown that you can find a beautiful and organic way to explore queerness more in depth - totally stepping away from the usual relationship conventions and specifically addressing your queer audience - simply by using a vocabulary that said queer audience will understand and connect with.

You can make it clear that the character is on the greyromantic spectrum, by having Vespula state that she's never ever seen him with a crush before!

You can put the emphasis on him being more specifically sapioromantic, by having him dreamily go on about how Jaskier perceives Radovid's intellect.

And, if Batey is to be believed - and he's been exploring the idea of Jaskier being queer since the very beginning of the show (without any clear response from the writers or producers regarding Jaskier's sexuality) - then, by making it clear that he loves Geralt platonically in Season 3, he's also allowing us to revisit all the scenes between Jaskier and Geralt from Season 1, while enjoying them through an aromantic lense.

Someone on the aromantic spectrum watching that scene might thus find themselves deeply connecting with the strong platonic squish (although it could also be a mesh) that Jaskier immediately experienced the very first time he saw Geralt...

You can see Jaskier as specifically believing himself to be Geralt's best friend in the whole wide world, and instinctively reading into Geralt allowing him to physically/sensually touch him (rubbing chamomile onto his lovely bottom) as him possibly desiring a queerplatonic connection with him also.

And, the scene where he's suggesting to Geralt that they could get away for a while, head to the coast together...

Where he mentions that life is too short not to do what pleases you, and admits that he's trying to work on what pleases him...

Look, the fact is that there's always been aromantic and greyromantic people experiencing tertiary forms of love and attractions for other people long before we had any words to put on those emotions, desires and needs.

So, it's rather easy to see Jaskier as someone that is experiencing a powerful alterous attraction for his best friend, and realizing that what pleases him the most, is the idea of them sharing a queerplatonic or alterous relationship together...

It makes sense to interpret what Jaskier is saying as him trying to express and articulate the love he feels for Geralt the best he can - implying that Geralt is what pleases him - while trying to ask Geralt if he also feels the same way...

Sadly, Geralt doesn't quite get it; likely because he's also romantically and sexually attracted to Yennefer and, when he loses her, instinctively throws all his own hurt and heartbreak at Jaskier - blaming him for everything that (he believes) lead to that loss!

And just because the break up Jaskier experienced wasn't a romantic one doesn't make it any less devastating.

Poor loving bard was making plans for them to continue to travel and enjoy their time together as the platonic boyfriends he believed them to be, and Geralt told him that all Jaskier had to offer him was a giant pile of shit that he kept shoveling his way!

There's been a lot of alterous and/or queeplatonic subtext since Season 1 (that could also read as romantic, but should never be used as evidence or proof of romance if we were talking about a real life partnership).

And, while I do acknowledge that queerbaiting has been messing with our ability to perceive and appreciate those relationships as such, I do think that, canonically establishing Jaskier as a sapioromantic, at the very least, clearly addresses the reasons why Jaskier was behaving in such an amorous way with Geralt without being romantically in love with him.

For once, instead of mocking the queer audience for "having mistakenly read two same-gender close friends as being romantically attracted to each other" (while doing as much as they can to suggest romance to keep them hooked!), they are canonically establishing Jaskier as a sapioromantic, with him experiencing his first romantic crush with Radovid.

The show's dialogue is telling people on the aromantic spectrum that "Yes, Jaskier is one of you. He gets squishes, meshes, lushes, and can desire a queerplatonic relationship with a best friend he's got strong platonic feelings for also."

You can speak to your queer audience, without fully risking alienating your non-queer audience, by simply using clues, and a language that your queer audience understands.

And I will forever be grateful to Joey Batey for having understood it, and having so skillfully managed it.

As someone who is ambiamorous, panalterous, panromantic, demisexual, and pansexual, all the nuances and details he brought to Jaskier's queerness was a pure delight, and spoke to me in a way that no TV show character has ever spoken to me before (except, perhaps, in "Sense8", but the whole show itself was about what it meant to love and be human, with main characters sharing a supernatural psychic bond making them more likely to open themselves to all the queer forms of love... whereas shows like "The Witcher" is of a more mainstream fantasy show).

I wish I had a way to contact him to tell him thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for breaking gender boundaries, and "platonic vs romantic" boundaries with Jaskier, and offering us a character that is one of the purest, most beautiful, and most perfectly balanced love song to queerness that one could have written and sung about!

Jaskier is a queer representation groundbreaking masterpiece on a show such as this.

That representation is as intelligent, insightful, and sharp as Prince Radovid himself.

And Extraordinarily Things said more about Jaskier's feelings, issues, and vulnerabilities than any piece of dialogue ever could have, and had me weeping my eyes out by the time Jaskier sang about how he finally felt like he was enough...

Well done Joey, you absolutely brilliant and deeply empathetic real-life bard and poet, well done...

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acexualien · 2 months

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wishfularoace · 1 year

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does anyone want to be best friends that also live together and go on adventures together but like mundane adventures like ikea and target and also wants to lay our heads on each others shoulders when sleepy but also have separate bedrooms but also enjoy spending most of our free time together……. just me? ok

#aroace #qpr #queerplatonic #asexual #ace #aromantic #aro #greyromantic #queerplatonic relationship #alterous aroace #alterous yearning #alterous attraction #best friend #grace is dramatic #someday with someone unknown

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antikosm · 4 months

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Aro/Ace Terms Masterlist

Please let me know if I forgot anything

NOTE: There is a distinct difference between someone's personal orientation versus how they feel about sexuality/romanticism as a whole. Someone who's sex/romance repulsed may be in favour of open sexual/romantic expression or even vice versa (shoutout to @sowearecleariamhere for informing me of this!)

Types of attraction

Sexual - I wanna have sex with that

Romantic - I want to date that

Sensual - I want to hug that

Platonic - I want to be friends with that

Platonic crushes do exist. They are called “squishes”. You go through the same process of having a romantic or sexual crush but instead of landing them in bed, you��re on the floor at 2am with pizza rolls, Shrek in the background, talking about eldritch monstrosities (or whatever your shared interest is)

Aesthetic - that looks so heckin’ cool/pretty I love it

Intellectual - the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, i.e. having a conversation, picking their brain, and finding out how they think

Terms describing degree of attraction

Aromantic - lack of romantic attraction

Asexual - lack of sexual attraction

Aplatonic - lack of platonic attraction

Aroace - lack of both sexual and romantic attraction

Demi - attraction only forms once a strong emotional bond has been formed

Grey/gray - rarely/seldom experiences attraction

Allosexual - someone who experiences sexual attraction

I think I’ve also heard/seen it referred to as ‘arosexual’ but that’s honestly a bit confusing

Alloromantic - someone who experiences romantic attraction

I personally shorten both of those to “allo” (pronounced ‘aloe’)

Apothiosexual - sex-repulsed

Apothioromantic - romance-repulsed

Apothiaroace - often shortened to just ‘apothi’. In addition to being aroace, apothis are repulsed by romantic/sexual scenes, items, displays, etc. to varying degrees

Sex-neutral and sex-positive/favourable aces exist as well

Not all of us have the same level of comfort with sexual and romantic activities so please check. I mean that applies to everyone anyway, but please check and don’t assume that just because someone is aro/ace, that doesn’t mean they are sex/romance repulsed

Queerplatonic - Queerplatonic typically refers to a relationship that bends the lines between a romantic relationship and a non-romantic relationship. A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) often goes beyond what is socially acceptable for a platonic relationship but does not fit the typical notion of a romantic relationship.

Alterous attraction - a type of emotional attraction to someone that isn’t entirely romantic or platonic.

Chastity - actively refraining from sexual activities. This is NOT part of the ace/aro spectrum, though it is a common assumption when someone says they are ace/aro. Thankfully we’re getting a bit more representation in media now so it’s not as common of an assumption as it used to be, but it’s still there, especially in those communities.

An absolute FANTASTIC addition by @heyftinally in case anyone doesn't see the repost

Gonna expand on sex favorable/neutral/repulsed, since this is a masterlist after all: - Sex favorable - regardless of your sexual orientation, you personally want to engage in sexual activity with someone (significant other, one night stand, friends with benefits, etc) - Sex neutral - if you're with someone who wants to engage in sexual activities then you may or may not, depending on a variety of factors, but you have no strong inclinations for or against engaging in sex itself as an activity. Basically it's "alright" Sex repulsed/averse - the idea of personally engaging in sexual activities makes you want to hurl/cry/claw your skin off/spontaneously combust. If someone suggested doing sexual activities together, you would probably vehemently say "No!" before they even finished the question. You would rather do anything else - Sex positive - refers to your attitudes about sex in general. Regardless of where you fall in the above three terms, you recognize that other people want to, and should have the freedom and right to, engage in consensual sexual activities, even if you personally don't like or want those activities. Essentially shorthand for "I respect the right of other adults to have gay sex, have gender-weird sex, have sex with multiple people in and out of monogamous relationships/marriages, and have weird, wild, freaky kinky sex, so long as all participants and consenting adults". You can still personally want zero sex for yourself or think a particular kink is weird/ick, but you can, in tumblr speak, be normal about consenting adults doing consenting adult stuff - Sex negative - conservative purity culture, basically. You think nobody should have sex ever, or at least not until marriage, and when they do it should only be the "right" or "good" kind, as arbitrarily decided by you/society/some collective. You think badly of, look down on, and may even treat badly anyone who doesn't have the "right" kind of sex in your opinion. You are not normal about consenting adults doing consenting adult activities (even though they don't involve you in any way)

A wonderful addition from @overlord-of-chaos Sex aversion is not the same thing as sex repulsed.

If you are sex adverse, you personally have no desire to partake in any of those actions but seeing or knowing other people partake in that doesn't bother you.

Sex repulsion is when you can't stand doing it yourself, seeing/hearing about/knowing that others partake in it, or even just the idea of it.

Microlabels/Terms describing flavour of attraction

Note: -sexual is used for many of these so we don't have to deal with duplicates confusing things. All of these prefixes can be used with -romantic, -sexual, -platonic, and I imagine -alterous as well

Abrosexual - orientation fluctuates between a variety of orientations

Aceflux - similar to abrosexual, but orientation is contained to asexual spectrum

Acespike - someone who is asexual but may experience intense, brief, and random bouts of sexual attraction

Aegosexual - disconnect between oneself and the target of arousal

Amicusromantic/sexual - only experiences romantic attraction to those who they have formed a platonic relationship with (subset of demi)

Angled aroace - the same as oriented, but for those who are demi, grey, flux, etc.

Anthrosexual - someone who is attracted to humans and alterhumans regardless of gender identity/expression

Bellussexual - has interest in the aesthetic/aspects/certain sexual actions, but does not experience sexual attraction or want a sexual relationship

Caedsexual - previously allo, but now ace due to past trauma

Cupiosexual - wanting a sexual relationship but not experiencing sexual attraction

Finsexual/gynesexual - attraction to femininity

Fraysexual - opposite of demi. Attraction dissipates once an emotional connection has been formed

Linsexual - attraction to androgyny

Lithosexual - experiencing sexual attraction but not wanting it to be reciprocated

Loveless Romantic/Lovelessromantic - those who cannot feel love or feel disconnected from love but can feel romantic attraction/don't feel disconnected from the concept of romance

Minsexual/androsexual - attraction to masculinity

Orchid - the opposite of cupio; experiences ____ attraction but has no desire for a relationship of that type

Placiosexual - not wanting to be on the receiving end of sexual activities but wishing to perform them on others

Quiosexual - unable to distinguish between sexual attraction and other forms of attraction

Qui(r)oromantic - inability to distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction

Reciprosexual - not experiencing sexual attraction towards someone until you discover they experience sexual attraction towards you

Requiessexual - similar to caedsexual, but rather than trauma, ace identity originates from a state of emotional exhaustion, usually from a past sexual experience

Oriented aroace - an aromantic asexual (aroace) individual who experiences a form of tertiary attraction, that they feel is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation. (i.e. gay aroace, bi aroace)

Angled aroace - someone who is on the aroace spectrum (grey, demi, fray, etc) who experiences a type of attraction significant enough to stand alongside their aroace orientation

Examples of mixed orientations

Heteroromantic asexual biplatonic

Poly greyromantic pansexual

Apothi abroplatonic

Placiosexual aromantic finplatonic

Aroace cupioplatonic

Pan lithioromantic

Fraysexual biromantic aplatonic

You can get WAY more specific than what these cover, but just to give a general idea

Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity is the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance, especially by means of a monogamous long-term relationship. The term was coined by Elizabeth Brake, in her book Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law (2011).

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transgender-png · 8 months

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the mspec to aspec pipeline is real and it happened to me

[ID: a collection of m-spec flags (including bi, pan, poly, omni, and multisexual) at one end of a pipeline with a collection of a-spec flags (including aro, ace, greyace, greyaro, demi, demiro, and aroace) at the other end. end ID]

#aspec #aspec pride #aromantic #asexual #greysexual #greyromantic #demisexual #demiromantic #aroace #mspec #multisexual #bi #pan #polysexual #omni #pipeline #aspec meme

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genderqueerdykes · 1 year

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aromantic and asexual people are not inherently "miserable" or "unhappier" than other people. we are not "missing out" on something- if we do not experience these feelings to begin with, we have nothing to "miss out" on. the only time that aromantic and asexual people are miserable is when we are forced into relationships or forced to believe we "need" to be in one to be complete. destroy this argument in your mind- aromantic and asexual people define our happiness. we are not inherently miserable, we are doing just fine

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bread-is-bread · 1 year

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"You can't just pick and choose the parts of a romantic relationship that you want"

No, actually I can.

I can do exactly that. If I want to see them multiple times a week with no commitment and no exclusivity I can.

If I want to cuddle and kiss and not be any more intimate than that I can.

If I want to go on fun dates and spend time together and have little adventures but never call them my partner I can.

If I want to do these things with multiple people at the same time I can.

If I want to call it hanging out instead of dating I can.

If I want to keep things private but also post us being silly on my close firends stories I can.

I can do anything I want to as long as all the parties in the relationship are happy and it's not hurting anyone.

Other people cannot define my relationships for me.

#romance #aromantic #greyro #greyromantic #relationship anarchy

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scretladyspider · 11 months

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#lgbtqia #queer #asexual #asexuality #demisexuality #graysexual #gray ace #graysexuality #aromantic #aromanticism #demiromantic #grayromantic #greyromantic #aroace #Twitter #text

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thegyusorcerer · 2 years

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once again, I'm asking you all to please acknowledge the gray spectrums of aromanticism and asexuality. the concept of attraction is so subjective and complex that it can't exist on a black and white area only, a- and allo- aren't the only ways you can experience attraction. acknowledge the gray!

#greysexual #greyromantic #asexual spectrum #aromantic spectrum #ace #aro #asexual #aromantic #ace pride #aro pride #asexuality #aromanticism #queer #aspec #acespec #arospec #june's post ⭐

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nerdygaymormon · 3 months

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#aro #aromantic #demiromantic #greyromantic #lithoromantic #aromantic spectrum awareness week #queeeer chameleon

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thelostgirl21 · 9 months

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Gotta love when people tell me sapioromantism/sapiosexuality isn't real...

While at the same time acknowledging that demiromantism/demisexuality exists.

So... You're telling me it's okay to be exclusively able to romantically fall in love with/be sexually turned on by an emotional bond you share with someone.

But you can't frakking be exclusively able to romantically fall in love with/be sexually turned on by an intellectual one?!?!?!

I mean I'm a frakking demisexual (not sapiosexual), and you've got zero problem convincing me sapiosexuality is real!

I feel a sexual rush SPECIFICALLY over the way I am emotionally relating with another person (regardless of the type of emotional relation), for frak's sake!

Imagining how it must feel to want to fuck someone over the way our brains work/connect together is super easy, barely an inconvenience! How is that not real?!?!?!

For the romantic aspect, all I've got to do is replace "wanting to fuck someone" by "having a crush on them", and voilà! Sapioromantism!

And yeah, I know that it's often phrased as "being attracted to highly intelligent people", but that's like saying that demi is "being attracted to highly loving people".

Guys, the way we perceive intelligence and emotions is a very intimate phenomenon. And I personally find friendships as sexually attractive as romances.

I've never been more likely to want to fuck a person I've got romantic feelings for, than I've been likely to want to fuck someone I've got platonic or alterous feelings for.

But I need to emotionally connect.

And there are many different types of intelligence a human being can express that makes them romantically or sexually attractive.

Emotional intelligence, spatial intelligence, musical intelligence, logical intelligence...

It's much harder to quantify intelligence than it is to qualify it, and sapiosexuals do have intelligence preferences.

On the TV show "The Witcher", sapioromantic Jaskier appears to have a romantic preference for (or be strongly romantically attracted to, at least) emotional intelligence and insightfulness, if you're wondering how sapioromantic attraction might look like.

I'm actually exclusively sexually attracted to people that gives off what I call a "geeky vibe". You know, that look like they tend to get really passionate about a specific subject/discipline they deeply enjoy (videogames, movies, series, science, music theory, rocks... Whatever it is!) and "geek out" about it on a regular basis.

My partner is insanely into electric cars technology, and each time he starts talking about it, the research that's being done on recycling batteries, etc., he goes from a usually introverted personality to really animated, passionate, and expressive one; his eyes get that light and happiness to them, his skin gets slightly flushed, there's a unique musicality to the verbal flow of his words, etc.

He's also a D&D player, and that's insanely hot to me (although I've never personally played D&D)!

Seriously, do yourself a favor, and watch a bunch of people play D&D together. If they're really into their characters, their quests, and have a good DM, it's pure geek porn!

Those are huge turn ons! You want to have sex tonight? Get your geek on, babe! That's what I'm talking about!

I don't care whatever gender you have, as long as you're a geek!

That's what I'm sexually into. Geeks. Not men, women, or people outside the binary. Geeks.

Actually, if "geekiness" is considered as a form of intelligence, perhaps I could be considered somewhere on the whole sapiosexual spectrum (I just can't say specifically what type of intellect geeks display that triggers the attraction), too!

Because developing an emotional bond with a non-geek fails to trigger any sense of sexual attraction.

I need to find you aesthetically attractive (let's face it, demi-pansexuals can be as "shallow", when it comes to being attracted to someone's looks as people from any other sexual orientations. There's just a secondary delay for us to get there), feel those "geeky vibes" emanating from you, and be emotionally bonded to you based on high levels of trust (specifically), in order to find you sexually attractive.

Those are the mains patterns I've noticed are a constant for me.

So yeah... Sapioromantism and sapiosexuality not being real? Get out!

#Sapioromantic #Sapiosexual #Aromantic #Asexual #Demiromantic #Demisexual #Greyromantic #Greysexual #Sapioromantism #Sapiosexuality #Aromantism #Asexuality #Demiromantism #Demisexuality #Greyromantism #Greysexuality #My posts #My thoughts #Personal

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