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harrywavycurly · 10 months

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“Will you be my husband really quick?”: A fake marriage with Eddie Munson AU.

Part 2: Here

Part 3: Here

A/N: I have been wanting to write this prompt for a while and I’m glad y’all want it too! There’s gonna be a part 2 don’t worry.

TW: Cursing and Eddie hits someone and this eludes that your ex wasn’t the nicest.

Eddie is two beers in on what he figured was going to be a normal Friday night at the Hideout when he feels a hand grip his arm as he’s leaned over the bar grabbing a lighter from behind the stack of napkins and straws. He pauses his movements as he looks down at the hand that’s still on his arm and slowly his eyes move upward until they finally land on your face. He notices your eyes are wide and you’re looking everywhere but at him as you scan the room as if you’re looking for someone, Eddie just stands up straight and places the lighter on the bar next to his half empty beer.

“Will you be my husband really quick?” Eddie knows he must be hearing things as you finally make eye contact with him. He watches as you seem to visibly relax a bit as you stare at him with a hopeful look on your face. “Please?” He doesn’t know what it is about you but he feels like if he tells you no he might actually regret it so instead he takes a quick sip of his beer as your hand falls from his arm and before you can react he’s draping his arm over your shoulders and pulling you into him.

“Who’s the target?” Eddie’s voice is low and you can feel his breath on your neck as he whispers in your ear before placing a quick kiss to the side of your head, already playing into his husband role.

“Red shirt by the door.” You answer as one of your arms wrap around his middle, you feel Eddie lean away from you for a moment so he can get a good look at who you’re talking about.

“Jason fucking Carver?” You look up at Eddie who is glaring at the blonde haired man by the door and you feel yourself tense up as Eddie reaches for his beer so he can finish it off. “He your ex or something?” Eddie asks as he places the now empty bottle on the bar and motions to the bartender for another one.

“Yeah he’s uhm my ex.” Eddie can tell by your tone of voice you’re nervous and it makes him wonder what Jason did that caused the two of you to go your separate ways. “I’m sorry this is dumb I shouldn’t have bothered you.” You mumble as you try to move away from him but Eddie is quick to just pull you into him and wrap both arms around your shoulders making your cheek rest on his worn out Metallica shirt.

“Now what kind of husband would I be if I let you storm off like that?” Eddie begins running one of his hands up and down your back making you let out a soft sigh because for the first time in a long time you felt an odd sense of security and who would’ve thought that of all places it’s while wrapped in the arms of a stranger. “I’ve got you okay?” You look up and Eddie is already looking down at you making you feel even more at ease because his eyes are soft and his smile is sweet as he looks at you.

“Okay.” Is all you can say making Eddie’s hold on you tighten slightly as he leans down and places a small kiss to the top of your head in an attempt to help you relax a little more. “Uh so what’s your name?” Eddie laughs as he looks towards the door to check on the location of your ex.

“My name is Eddie.” You just nod and tell him your name in return as your hands somehow find their way into his back pockets as you wrap your arms around his waist. “I can see my wife is a little handsy huh?” You hide your face in his chest as you try to slide your hands from his pockets. “It’s okay sweetheart we’re married remember? No need to be shy.” You can’t help but laugh as Eddie goes back to running his hands up and down your back.

“So how do you know Jason?” You feel Eddie tense up at the mention of your ex’s name and it lets you know whatever memories Eddie has of him aren’t good ones.

“He was my high school’s official asshole.” You look up and rest your chin on Eddie’s chest as you watch his eyes look towards the door of the bar. “I take it he hasn’t changed much?” He asks as he looks down at you with a raised eyebrow making you look away as some memories of your relationship with Jason reply in your head.

“Yeah he hasn’t changed.” Eddie doesn’t miss the way your voice shakes a little as you answer his question.

“I can kick his ass right now if you want me to sweetheart just say the word and he’ll be on the ground.” You may not know Eddie but something tells you he’s not kidding and that he’d get a lot of joy out of beating Jason up. “Let me add that I feel that since I’m your husband it’s kinda my job to beat up your asshole ex boyfriends.” Eddie smiles to himself when he hears you laugh and just shake your head at him.

“As your wife it’s kinda my job to keep you out of trouble.” Eddie lets out a dramatic huff as he drops one of his arms from you so he can reach over and grab his beer and take a long swig from it. “I uh like your rings.” Eddie’s eyes flicker down to yours as he watches you give the rings on his hand that’s holding his beer a good once over.

“Yeah? Which one is your favorite?” He asks as he puts his beer on the bar so he can let you get a better look at his rings. You unwrap your arms from around him so you can take his hand in yours, Eddie tries to ignore how soft your hands feel as you look at his rings giving a lot of attention to his skull one. “You like the skull?” You just nod making Eddie smile because the skull one was also his favorite.

“What are you doing?” Eddie ignores your question as he brings his hand up to his mouth and you feel your eyes go wide as you watch him take his skull ring off and hold it between his lips for a moment before grabbing it. “I can’t take this.” Eddie rolls his eyes as he gently grabs your left hand so he can slide the ring onto your ring finger.

“How are you supposed to be my wife without a ring?” Eddie asks as he reaches over and tucks some of your hair behind your ear.

“You’ve got the be fucking with me.” You feel your heart drop to your stomach as Jason’s voice fills your ears. Eddie’s arm drops from around you so he can turn and block you from Jason’s view. “Not the freak still hanging around the Hideout.” You see Eddie’s hands form into fists as Jason laughs his almost evil sounding laugh.

“Fuck off Carver don’t you have a ball to go toss into a basket or something?” You giggle making Jason move so he can get a look at you, Eddie is quick to move so he’s still standing between you and the ex jock.

“What the fuck is going on?” Eddie looks at you over his shoulder making sure you’re okay and you just give him a reassuring smile as you place your hand on his lower back.

“Just enjoying a night out with my wife.” Jason’s eyes go as wide as golf balls as Eddie explains what the two of you are doing at the Hideout.

“Your wife? Wow okay I mean even you…Munson the town freak can do better than her she’s-” Jason doesn’t get to finish his sentence before Eddie’s fist collides with his cheek knocking him to the ground.

“Next time you think about saying anything about her,” Eddie kneels down as he speaks so he’s only a few inches away from Jason’s face as he groans in pain. “Don’t.” He spits as he stands up and turns so he can grab your hand and walk you towards the back of the bar. “I’m sorry…I am so sorry.” You just shake your head as Eddie’s hands gently cup your face as he looks you over to make sure you’re okay because he’s never gotten into a fight before let alone knocked someone to the ground and that’s the last thing he wanted you to have to deal with tonight.

“It’s okay.” You reassure him as you place your hands over his that are still on your face. “Thank you.” Eddie just shrugs as he gives you a small smile.

“Like I said it’s my job as your husband to beat up your asshole ex boyfriends.” You laugh as Eddie leans in closer, he pauses as he get a few inches from your face. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” Eddie doesn’t have to wait for your answer because your lips are on his in a mater of seconds for a sweet kiss.

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shattersstar · 8 months

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Please use this as a free pass to write "admiring them from afar" with anyone you want :^)

the hellcat spangled shalalala

pairing: college!au jason todd x reader

prompt: blossoming romance - admiring them from afar

warning: harassment mention (in joking context)

a/n: more college basketball au bc i say so! seriously tho thank u for the request it worked out as a great free pass ☺️ this can be read as a stand-alone or taking place after drawstring. comments r appreciated and i hope y’all enjoy ! and expect another part soonish <3

—

shot at the night series.

—

when your judgment’s on the run, and you’re acting like a stranger cause you thought it looked fun.

The morning sun casted a milky glow, pouring in through the windows and lighting up the store as clouds moved on. Summer began to roll through, exams a thing of the past as Gotham hummed with warmth. You were going to the beach sometime next week, even if it was over a two hour drive away, you were beyond excited. It had been easy to forget all about school, despite the fact the summer term was coming up and you were taking a course. On top of working at a cafe during the week, the gas station on weekend mornings, and still unpacking your new place, you were surprisingly busy.

It was why you hadn’t really seen Jason. Or at least what you had told yourself. You two were in a confusing place, you both knew you liked each other, had worked through some things, but you wanted time. To figure out how genuine your feelings were or if they were just because Jason admitted to liking you. It was nice to be desired, to be sought after, but you didn’t want to string Jason along.

Even if Jason took forever to tell you how he felt and handled it like an ass, he didn’t deserve that.

No one did.

The thought made you sigh as you looked over the columns of scratch and lotto tickets. You had never bought one when you turned of age and always wished you did. It seemed fun, if a bit pointless. You were engrossed with the paper coated in gossamer film that glimmered in the sunlight when the bell above the door rang. You peered through your lashes at whoever came in, heart skipping a beat as the object of your affection breezed through like an early morning fantasy. Jason sent you a quick smile before ducking towards the fridges in the back and scanning through the drinks.

You watched his tall figure from where you perched behind the counter. Elbows resting on the plastic case holding the tickets that no longer occupied your attention. His broad shoulders rose and fell with a sigh, black waves brushing the back of his neck. He was in track pants that hung low on his hips, shirt partially tucked in and giving you a chance to take in how his waist curved and held muscle and fat you could only imagine the delicious sight of.

“You guys don’t have anymore Propel?” Jason called, looking over his shoulder.

You nearly fell over being caught staring, opting to scrunch your nose at the question. “Unfortunately not sir. They don’t sell well because, personally, those drinks are grossly sweet.” You said in your best customer service voice, a grin pulling at Jason’s mouth as he turned back to the fridge.

“Uh huh. Thank you for your input.”

“I live to serve.” You chimed, loud enough for him to hear over the hum of the fridges and the quiet playlist you had put on. Jason snorted from the distance, prompting you to steal another look at him before you busied yourself with refilling the lighter display, which you had abandoned in favour of zoning out earlier.

You had always told Jason you were tired and bored on shift, opening at 5am most weekends. It had become a habit during the school year for him to stop by, usually on a run, but today with a bag slung across his body, you were sure he was heading to the gym on campus. Off season practice you supposed.

You also realized it likely meant when Jason moved off campus, it was still nearby if he was able to stop by before heading to campus. That or he went out of his way to see you, which made your heart skip another beat. You looked back over to Jason at the sound of the fridge door closing, trying to keep your eyes low as you followed his footsteps. He walked up the furthest aisle than down the one closest to the register, lingering while you shifted behind the counter.

“Anything I can help you find?” You called, sweetly.

Jason shook his head no, looking over at you that crooked smile. “Nah, I don’t think you guys carry what I’m looking for.” He opened the energy drink he picked, taking a sip while you smiled in return.

“Yeah unfortunately we don’t carry steroids.” You shrugged. Jason nearly spat out his drink as he laughed, and you were unable to contain your giggles from behind your hand. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, picking up a bag of chips before turning towards the cash. Jason placed both his items on the counter and tossed a granola bar there after pursuing the treats that sat below the register for a minute.

“That’s all.” He said, while you pointed at the drink.

“In future, we ask customers wait till purchase before opening food or drink.” You said, the playful air in your voice still there.

“Oh give my apologies to the owner.” Jason remarked, while you scanned his items.

“Will do…its been a while since you came in. And you didn’t get a patty today.” You muttered, looking at the screen. You had become used to your early morning meetings, even if exams and everything that happened between you two had kept Jason away since the term ended. It didn’t make it hurt less, but it wasn’t because of him. You knew you were the one putting up distance when he finally opened up to you.

“You remember all your regulars that well?” Jason asked tentatively.

“Only the cute ones,” You said, tapping the screen before adding, “Like that redhead you used to come in with whose dropped dead gorgeous. You ever give out his name or number?” You teased, Jason was well aware you knew Roy and his number.

“What does he normally get again?” Jason countered, and you pulled your lip between your teeth as you met his gaze. You stayed silent before raising your hands in defeat, you knew when you lost your battles.

The computer beeped at you for taking too long, and you chuckled awkwardly before pressing a few buttons. You could feel his eyes taking in your side profile as he often did. You wondered how you didn’t know Jason’s true feelings before when you caught him admiring you so often. And worse, how could you think your feelings were anything, but genuine when every time Jason did something like that, your heart raced.

He was so beautiful and could have anyone, a sentiment you felt tenfold when you learned he played for the university’s basketball team, but Jason chose you. He looked at you and made you feel like no one else did and you had been foolish to deny that for so long.

“It’s 9.55.” You said, as he handed you cash.

“You can keep the change.” Jason said, shoving his snacks into his bag.

“I definitely don’t get paid enough so thanks.”

Jason hummed, fiddling with the lid on his drink, and despite the platform the counter sat on, he was still taller than you. You were almost eye level like this, but Jason still had to glance down as he spoke his next words. “You called me cute earlier.”

“Oh I did?” You played dumb and Jason’s jaw shifted, but you knew he wasn’t angry. The ease that normally flowered between you two took over your conversation as he nodded.

“Pretty sure.”

“Well if you wanna file a harassment claim, it’ll be with the owner you owe an apology too.”

“Maybe that makes us even.” Jason said, quiet.

“Maybe…or you could pick me up after my shift if you really wanna square things. I finish earlier today.” You said, gaze flickering between the lotto tickets and Jason’s face. A boyish grin took over his expression as genuine excitement seemed to fill him.

“Fuck yeah—I mean yeah, that’d be great. What time?” He reeled himself in while you toyed with his receipt.

“Noon instead of three.” Jason nodded, that wild glint in his eyes spelt trouble in the best way. He adjusted the strap on his shoulder and while distracted, you placed your palms flat on the counter and pushed yourself to his height. You pressed a quick kiss on Jason’s cheek before settling onto the stool behind you. Jason nearly dropped his bottle as he processed what you just did.

“See you later Jason, I’ll save you a patty if all the construction guys don’t get to them first.” You promised, as he headed towards the door, running his fingers through his hair and looking back at you with indiscernibility. It was shock and awe you supposed.

“See ya baby!” Jason called as he left, dazed tone and pet name threatened to set you on fire as a group of kids barrelled in and darted straight to the freezer. You paid no mind to their yells and counted the hours till Jason picked you up for your first date.

shalalala.

title/lyrics from the hellcat spangled shalalala by arctic monkeys

more reading: college/uni hcs + jason todd

#i need a series name for this #im open to suggestions lmao #shot at the night #jason todd imagine #jason todd x reader #red hood imagine #red hood x reader #dc imagine #dc x reader #writing

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bishplz · 9 months

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Y’all really like these, huh?

• Billy Loomis can’t function without caffeine, and Stu can’t function with caffeine

• Bubba and Jason are both really warm. Holding their hands > mittens

• Speaking of which, Michael has super cold hands

• Freddy likes lizards. He just thinks they’re neat

• Brahms would get lost so fast anywhere. He has a horrible sense of direction.

#Billy loomis #Stu Matcher #Ghostface #Scream #Bubba Sawyer #Texas Chainsaw Massacre #Jason Voorhees #Friday the 13th #Michael Myers #Halloween #Halloween 1978 #Freddy Krueger #Nightmare on Elm Street #Brahms Heelshire #slasher head canons #slasher hcs #slashers

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noirsfantasy · 4 months

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On the eighth day of Christmas...

ℑ𝔱’𝔰 𝔄 𝔅𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔏𝔦𝔣𝔢

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤 ➛ Husband!Idris Elba x Black!Wife Reader

𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 ➛ Fluff

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱 ➛ 2.3K

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 ➛ It’s Christmas morning and your kids are more excited than ever for it. So excited, in fact, they decide to make you and your husband, Idris, a Christmas breakfast. However, you don’t let this minor hiccup ruin the day. You’re reminded just how much your family means to you.

𝔞/𝔫 ➛ Guys, someone please snap me outta my delusions, cuz this story had me imaginan my whole life with him. He’s such Daddy material😋 I really hope y’all like this one!

12 Days of Christmas Masterlist

It's early Christmas morning and the house is silent. I’m sleeping soundly, stealing most of the covers from Idris as he is sprawled across the majority of the bed. I begin to stir once I hear tiny footsteps approaching my room. I shift, hiding my head under the blanket when I hear the door burst open.

“IT’S CHRISTMAS! IT’S CHRISTMAS!” Our 5-year-old daughter, Heaven, shouts as she jumps on the bed, stepping on her father.

"Ah! Heaven, darling, please!" He grimaces as he's suddenly awoken from his slumber, shifting under the blanket and sitting up. He reaches out and grabs her mid-jump, pulling her into his lap. "Do you know what time it is, princess?" He questions groggily and Heaven beams brightly.

"It's Christmas time, Daddy!" She says excitedly and jumps on his lap. I hear footsteps approaching me and then the blanket is pulled away from my face. I squint as the light hits my eyes and bury my face in the pillow.

"Mommy, get up! We made you guys breakfast." Our oldest son Jason tells me, before pulling the rest of the blankets off, causing me to shiver.

"JJ, please just give us five minutes, okay?" I ask, but he shakes his head.

"The food will be cold by then, Mommy!" My heart drops at the realization and Idris and I make eye contact. He sees the stressed look forming on my face and gives me a reassuring one back, turning to the kids.

"Right, Heaven, Jason, it's still early. Why don't you give your mum and me a few more minutes to get ready and then we will be down." He offers, but they don't relent. Heaven continues to bounce up and down and Jason can't seem to contain his excitement.

"We can't, Daddy! It's Christmas! We shouldn't have to wait." His smile is wider as he can't wait to go downstairs and show us what they made. Idris groans and I bury my face again.

"Alright, alright, you monsters. Calm down for a minute." He starts as he stands up and tosses Heaven over his shoulder, making her giggle. "What exactly have you three been up to, huh? Don't tell me you've been cookin' on the stove." He peers at Jason, who smiles and shakes his head again.

"We didn't use the stove, we used the microwave! We made our own special cookies and even decorated them! Come on!" He grabs my hands, pulling me out of bed and leading us both out of the room. We exchange a horrified look, imagining the mess in the kitchen. And we've still not seen our youngest yet. Hopefully, he's asleep.

Upon entering the kitchen, the smell of burnt cookies hits us. I sigh nervously as we round the corner. The kitchen is a mess, with flour and butter everywhere! There's frosting and sprinkles smeared on the counter and an incriminating stepping stool beneath the area. Behind the island, I see two little feet sticking out. I walk over, careful to avoid any mess on the floor and see our youngest son, Luke, on the floor eating frosting from the tube. He smiles as he looks up at me.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He shouts as he stands up and hugs my legs. I begin to regret wearing shorts as his sticky fingers come in contact with my skin.

"Oh, sweetie..." I say, groaning a bit as I take everything in.

"We made a little mess... But aren't the cookies pretty?" Heaven asks, presenting a plate of holiday mush. It seems as if they'd mixed up flour, sugar, and water, and threw it in the microwave, topping it off with green and red frosting and snowflake sprinkles. Heaven and Luke look so proud of their creation and Jason is giggling to himself, obviously the ringleader and brains behind this whole operation. I try to control my temper, after all, it's too early and it's Christmas. Idris chuckles and lifts Luke up into his arms, careful not to get any icing on himself. He turns to Heaven and takes the plate from her, placing it on the counter.

"Those cookies are incredible, princess!" He says, causing all of the kids to smile. I shake my head gently and put on a smile. This was bound to happen at some point. They're kids and it's Christmas. And I can't be mad at them, they all look so proud of themselves.

"They're absolutely amazing, you guys. But..." I bend down to look Jason and Heaven in the eye. "Remember, you need to ask Mommy and Daddy if you can use the kitchen. It's not safe to do it by yourself. Okay?" They both smile and nod.

"Okay, Mommy, we'll make sure to ask next time," Jason says with a happy smile. I give them both a kiss and pat their backs.

"Now," Idris starts, "why don't you two clean up in here while I clean up your brother?" He says to our older kids. They frown a bit, groaning.

"Hey, none of that. You guys did a nice thing for Mommy and Daddy by making these pretty cookies, but you need to clean up after yourselves as well." I explain to them.

"Yes ma'am." They reply in unison. Jason grabs a broom from the closet and Heaven goes under the sink to find a sponge to clean the counters with, using her stepping stool to reach the mess. Before wiping the mess away, she drags her finger through the frosting and licks it, causing me to grimace as I watch her enjoy her work. I turn to Idris and he chuckles, before kissing my cheek.

"Be right back, love." He says, giving me a charming smile, before propping Luke up on his side. "Come here, buddy. We gotta get you cleaned off." He says as he walks up the stairs with our youngest.

I walk over to Heaven and help her wipe the counter, helping her put away the baking tray. She still tries to sneak some frosting, licking it off her fingers before wiping her hands on the kitchen towel. I shake my head at her and she giggles. Jason catches everything that was wiped off of the counter with the broom, sweeping it into the dustpan and trashing it.

"Okay, you two. You're doing such a great job at cleaning up, thank you." I say to them both, smiling down at them. "Once we're done here, how about we open some presents?" I suggest and they both cheer at the mention of presents.

"Let's open them now! Pleaseeee!" Heaven begs and I laugh to myself.

"No, we gotta wait until Dad's done cleaning up Luke, duh!" Jason says back to her, causing her to pout. She crosses her arms and frowns. I shake my head at them.

"Let's just finish cleaning up. I'm sure Daddy will be done by then and then we can start, okay?" I offer them a warm smile.

"Okay, Mommy," Heaven says, going back to cleaning. Idris soon returns with Luke following after him, in a new set of pajamas and looking squeaky clean.

"Yay! Daddy's here! Can we start now, Mommy?" She asks as she turns to me. I laugh a bit and nod.

"Yes, sweetie, we can start," I say and all three of the kids rush to the living room and sit on the floor around the tree. Idris grabs my hand and I smile at him as we both take our seats on the couch, his arm wrapping around my shoulder. Heaven spots a present with her name on it and squeals happily, turning to us with bright eyes.

"You ready to open, princess?" He asks and she nods rapidly, tearing the paper away. She gasps as underneath the wrapping paper is a black Barbie doll with a beautiful pink dress and sparkling shoes. She looks up at us with a grin, thrilled with her gift. Heaven jumps up and kisses me and her dad on the cheeks.

"Thank you, Mommy! Thank you, Daddy!" She says, hugging the gift close.

"You're welcome, baby," I say with a content smile.

"Take good care of her," Idris adds, smiling as well. Jason and Luke look at us with hopeful eyes, waiting for their turn. "Well, what are you guys waiting for? Jump in!" He says and the boys excitedly grab gifts of their own, ripping them open. Luke squeals happily as he gets a fire engine with colorful blocks that snap together and Jason gets a brand new Lego set.

The room is filled with the childish sounds of laughter and excitement as the kids open more Christmas gifts. Idris and I exchange glances, basking in the warmth of the joyous moment unfolding before us. The chaotic morning, filled with mishaps and messes, now seems like a distant memory, replaced by the pure happiness on our children's faces.

As the Christmas frenzy dies down, Idris turns to me with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He reaches under the tree and pulls out a beautifully wrapped box that was hidden at the back, topped off with a bow that sparkles like freshly fallen snow.

"For my beautiful wife," He says with a warm smile, handing me the gift. I look at him with surprise, not expecting this, but accepting the gift anyway. I grin as I carefully unwrap the present. Inside, I find a stunning necklace, a beautiful chain accompanied by a pendant shaped like a snowflake, glistening with tiny diamonds. I gasp, overwhelmed by the thoughtful gesture.

"Idris!" I cover my mouth in shock and his smile grows wider as he sees my reaction. "It's so beautiful!" I exclaim, my fingers gently tracing the intricate details of the pendant. Idris beams with satisfaction, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I saw it and I thought it would be perfect for you. Like each snowflake is unique, so is my love for you." Touched by his words, I lean in and press a tender kiss to his lips. The kids all collectively cringe at us.

"Ewwww!" They shout at our display of affection, but we don't let it stop us. He puts the necklace around my neck and I move my hair out of the way to show it better.

"How does it look?" I ask, doing a little pose. Idris chuckles and takes my hand, kissing it lightly.

"Perfect, just like you." He says, causing me to blush at his words. However, not being one to be outdone, I reach under the tree and hand Idris a carefully wrapped gift of his own.

"Darling, you shouldn't have." He winks playfully. He grins like a child, tearing the paper away with eagerness. Inside, he sees a brand new watch, something he's been eyeing for a while now. He inspects the watch closely, looking both pleased and surprised. "This is incredible, Y/N. I love it."

"And I made sure the band was in your exact size, so no need to get it fitted either," I add and he looks at me adoringly. He puts the watch on, giving it a thorough look over.

"Just in the nick of time." He smiles cheekily and I roll my eyes.

"You're so cheesy sometimes, you know that?" I laugh.

"Guilty as charged, my love." He grins sheepishly. He wraps his arm back around my shoulder and gives me a kiss. After taking a break from toys and getting some breakfast, everyone does their own thing. The kids are now playing, occupied with their own little world. The only sounds that fill the room are the laughter and joy of the kids, along with the quiet murmur of Idris and my voice as we chat and relax. It's a content and cozy day.

Idris and I are still on the couch, cuddled up and watching a Christmas movie under a blanket. Eventually, Jason comes and sits next to us and Luke climbs up on Idris's lap, leaning against him. Heaven sits on the other couch, still playing with the new accessories she got with her new doll.

Luke starts to yawn adorably and Idris kisses him playfully on the head, before yawning himself. He looks at me and I stretch, yawning as well. We look over at Jason, who's fast asleep with the TV remote in his hand. I yawn again and then glance over at Heaven, who is also asleep, her head resting against the back of the couch. I smile and lean my head on Idris's shoulder, wrapping the blanket around us. The house is filled with silence, except for the soft sound of the movie on the TV.

I close my eyes, letting the sounds of the movie fill my ears. Idris's arm wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him, and with his other hand, he cradles Luke gently as he sleeps. With all the children peacefully snoozing, it's just me and him for this moment. It's calm, soothing and comfortable.

"I love you," Idris whispers, kissing my head softly. I smile and nuzzle into his neck.

"I love you too, sweetheart," I whisper back, before letting my eyes fall shut. I take in the warm and comfortable silence, not thinking about anything else besides the peaceful ambiance we seem to bask in right now. I know we should probably get up and put the kids in their rooms, but I don't want to disturb the peace. We've had a wonderful Christmas and I'm reminded, once again, how much I love my family.

#12 days of christmas #noirsfantasy #christmas #oneshot #fluff #black reader #black reader fluff #idris elba #idris elba x reader #black tumblr #black writers #black fem reader #family au #fine black men #black actors #black celebs #black romance #black men #family

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onmyyan · 2 years

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Straight Venomous ch.6

A/N: I’ll give u 2$ if u pretend this was posted in a timely manner. No but seriously thank you for sticking with me I love this story!! Feedback is always welcome please lmk what y’all think if you want more of a certain character or what!! Also if you want to be added to the Taglist lmk!! This chap is pretty Tim/Jason/Bruce centered but next chap will have everyone!! EDITED 1/11/2023

TW: cannon typical violence, Yandere themes, Cursing

Taglist: @foggyturtleknightangel @j-ma26-rb @bandaged-despair

”This wasn’t the kind of protection I imagined-“ You paused both Symbiote and human left too stunned to speak at the looming gates of Arkham, old and imposing as ever. Seriously all they needed was a moat and the dungeon vibe would be complete.

“-When you said it be somewhere He’d never look.” You finished with a squint at the Halloween attraction that was Arkham Asylum.

”Well I didn’t lie did I?- he won’t.” Oswald smiled, more to himself than anyone in particular, his magenta-tinted Versace shades glinted in what little light Gotham offered.

”If you're telling the truth about him being interested in you, you’ll be out in a breeze. Think of this as my final test, your last hurdle.” He finally turned to look at you, his form as ridged as ever from the back seat of his Mercedes.

”If you survive I’ll genuinely have some use for you.” His sleek black car sped off without another word, if you didn’t know better he seemed almost uncomfortable, like if he got too close the building's jaw would open and suck him back in.

No more than a second passed before the stone-faced man beside you set his firm grip on your arm.

The man currently dragging you like a raggedy Ann doll was dead silent, letting the wails from within echo that much more. It took more self-control than you anticipated not to rip the arm off of you (and off in general)

‘I get to eat these ones right?’

“We’ll see buddy.” You muttered, too uneasy to care that you’d responded out loud, if anything it made you fit right in.

The guard ‘escorting’ you in had an iron grip on your arm like you were gonna book it the second you could. The almost eerie silence of the lobby was immediately replaced with screaming from all directions.

The air inside Arkham was sterile and thick, if anguish had a smell it is the one invading your lungs, they gave you the almost cartoonish black and white striped uniform the rest of the inmates dawned and shoved you into the common area, after your third ignored question you figured it is best to observe, men and women sat in the large cage, a few tables and torn up sofa chairs adding to the bleak atmosphere. With a huff, you managed to find an open seat, the whispers, and eyes following your every move.

It didn’t take long for the biggest man in the room to lumber over, his brooding figure stood above you. A perfectly shaped brow rose in question at his sudden appearance.

“I’d ask if I can help you but I really don’t wanna.” You spoke at the giant, eyes flickering over your nail beds. “The names Al.” He leaned on his knuckles, hot breath wafting over your skin making you wince.

“You start a fight? You ask me first. You need to piss? You ask me first. I run shit in here and I’m only gonna tell you’s this once.” He spoke in a gravelly voice. A bit of spit landed on the table in front of you. “Are you high? It’s amazing they let inmates smoke.” His hands slammed into the metal before you, shaking it with enough force to knock over the tray of food beside you. “You’s looking to get that pretty face of yours fucked up huh? I don’t tolerate that kinda’ shit bitch or not.” Once more his breath fanned over you in a hot wave, and your expression twisted into a grimace. He took that as a sign of fear, grinning darkly from across you.

”I’m in a forgiving mood, maybe if ya get down and put that smart mouth to use-“ your hand twisted his collar, smashing his head to the table twice before releasing the now bloodied man. He stumbled backward into another inmate, clutching his broken nose, tears streaming down his face.

”Y-You bitch! Yer fuckin’ dead for this shit ya’ hear?!” He barked out, blood splattering through his fingers, a loose tooth falling from his maw as the surrounding people didn’t spare you a passing glance, all except the ginger staring at you with the stars in his eyes, an almost eager look on his face. Like he was waiting to see what you’d do next.

You stood with a sigh, stepping over the small pile of blood he’d left in his scurry backward. You now towered above the trembling man, as he tried to stand you kicked him in the chest as hard as you could, a crack of something breaking echoed throughout the loud room, his limp body slid back hard enough to crash into the wall, your eyes widened at his now still form. “Oops. Too hard.”

‘Can I have a bite? Just a nibble, as a treat.’

”Absolutely not.”

’you never let me have any fun!’ The child of a Symbiote grumbled in your head. You heard the rushed footsteps of a group of people, most likely guards quickly storming their way to the commotion. On instinct, you sat as far from the body as you could, which just so happened to be on the busted-up sofa, near that oh-so-attentive ginger. He watched you with a wide, skin-splitting grin, his green eyes were almost too vibrant, and pale skin contrasted against bright red hair.

“That’s certainly one way to make an entrance doll face.” He grinned even wider, resting against his fist, eyes flickered over every inch of your resting frame, you mimicked his stare, fighting the urge to look at the now scrambling guards, two of them held batons, electric you imagined, they bullied their way past the straggler’s lingering around the body, freezing at the sight of the corpse. “Move! Every one of you pieces of shit against the wall!” The shorter of the two barked out, threateningly pointing his baton at the group of inmates.

“Come on sweet cheeks - we better get moving fore’ they get twitchy.” The redhead pulled you up and to the side, with a speed you hadn’t anticipated from him. He stood tall against the peeling wall, much too eager at the sight of blood.

”Alright- which one of you shit stains did this huh?!” The same guard from before spoke again, making his way down the line of people, most were too delirious to comprehend his demand, and the few still coherent said nothing much to your surprise. When he made his way to you, he lingered. “You see something interesting meat?” He sneered down at you, the crackling baton dangerously to your eye, it took more self-control than you’d like not to shove said baton up his ass.

”Oh I’ve seen something real funny.” The ginger spoke from beside you, it made you tense, would he be so quick to snitch?

The stodgy guard spit at the taller man’s feet. “Valeska. What am I gonna have to do to get you to shut the fuck up?”

”Hm, maybe a gag? Although you’ll have to use your own, I left mine back with your mother-“ the electrified tip was pressed to his chest before the snark could be finished, he crumpled to the floor with a twisted laugh, the cackle trailing into a moan at the end, his lanky form slumping against the dirty wall.

”Oh Johnny boy- I love it when you get rough with me.” The guard kicked at the still-twitching man, quickly ushering another guard to help him. “Of course it was you. Fucking lunatic.”

The drooling redhead is dragged out by his wrists and ankles, his piercing green stare not breaking until they pulled him out of sight.

“Okay, that was a fluke. Heads down from now on V.”

There was a vaguely irate huffing sound in your mind.

‘This is lame. I get a little bit of action and you’re pussying out.”

”Bite me you leech.”

‘I AM NO SUCH THING (Y/N) TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW.’

Elsewhere

Tim was conflicted, he was almost always confident in himself and his plans, but this one was making him uneasy. He knew where you worked, and the people you were surrounded by. Penguins club wasn’t the place for someone like you, but he knew his best option was to wait for an opening to get you out, considering the circumstance.

His original idea was to ‘run’ into you again and arrange a meeting where he could get you alone for a few hours. Get some of that electric-nerve-punching banter in again. Then he’d casually ask for your number and thus would begin your epic romance, he had everything mapped out to a T, even his family’s unusual interest in you couldn’t deter him from his bliss.

That is until you had to go and run.

Then again, he should have considered Bruce would make a move before him, should’ve planned for him to scare you off, but he didn’t. He was distracted, consumed with thoughts of you flashing through his mind like a projector on the wall. You’d taken up permanent residency in his day-to-day thoughts, and it had made him sloppy.

You’d gotten away, slipped through his fingers just as he was closing in, you had no idea but he was planning a little ‘staycation’ at a cabin well off into the woods a few towns away from Gotham. He’d been getting to know you, the real you hidden in your private browser history and your late-night searches, and he was smitten. He’d done the math, ran the numbers, and knew the two of you were perfectly compatible, from your star sign to your favorite movie, he had all your likes and preferences listed alphabetically, and the scarily accurate list had been memorized in no time. In his frenzied- but thorough- planning he’d neglected to anticipate you pulling such a stunt but he wasn’t worried. It will never happen again.

He returned to the cave this morning, popping in briefly wasn’t out of the norm for Tim as the internet down here was much faster than the Portable server he had on him, and he needed this information quickly, he’s certain Bruce wouldn’t mind, he wasn’t home anyway. Alfred greeted him with his usual brand of warmth and eagerly saw him to the wall of computers he’d spent countless hours in front of.

All was normal until the older of the two paused in his retreat upstairs, Tim could tell something was on his mind, he cocked his head at the man hovering beside him. “Everything okay Al?”

“You’re going to see some unfinished work when you start her up,” he spoke, dismissing his question entirely, “Master Bruce had an emergency at the corporate office, which means you should have ample time to give that unnamed file a proper look.”

The grey-haired male paused as if worried about the way he delivered whatever message he had, “I believe your father would benefit from your assistance before he lets his passions get the best of him…again.” The older man spoke cryptically, patting a comforting hand on his shoulder as he retreated back upstairs. Tim paused, dark brows furrowing as he processed the old man’s words. He put a pin in his original plan for coming down here, instead of focusing on that pesky mystery file, he knew it burn him up inside if he didn’t at least peek through his father's new dirty little secret.

The last thing he expected to see was your face, every possible angle of that perfect face. A concerning amount of shots of your dark (e/c) eyes, in a few you even stared directly at the camera, almost as if you knew you were under the harsh eye of Gotham's most dangerous predator. A scoff bubbled up past his lips, his free hand was now aggressively squeezing the little red stress ball that had sat before him, the flesh of the toy nearly burst from the force he used. It took him a few minutes to calm down, once he could think a little clearer, the plan began to form behind his eyes.

He now knew of his Mentor’s dark obsession, his twisted focus on your life and being. Honestly, Tim was worried about his Father, it wasn’t healthy to harbor such intense feelings for someone you didn’t know- Bruce didn’t know you, Jason didn’t know you- Dick sure as shit didn’t know you. None of the others did, not like Tim. He’d be able to read you in ways you’d always wanted someone to. But before your happily ever after could start, he was going to use his family’s dark obsession with you to his advantage, this and this alone is what pushed him to tell Dick you lived with Jason, Why he was letting the older male crash on his sofa bed, and it was the only reason he’d been pulling the strings behind the scenes. It didn’t take much to find your current location, all he had to do was give himself access to every camera in Gotham and run that Gorgeous mug of yours against them, granted once he actually found you he nearly had a heart attack, why in the hell were you beating the bricks off some schmuck in Arkham? After forcing himself in check he quickly saved the footage of the incident, his mind running a mile a much on how to spin this in his favor.

He made a point to linger in the cave, Bruce was back within an hour, his steps rushed, eager, and Tim knew just who he was rushing to.

”Hey Bruce.”

The older man paused his trek to his desk, finally noticing the man in his seat.

”I didn’t know you were stopping by.” He responded gruffly, his long fingers moving to nimbly undo his tie.

“Well, I was in the neighborhood, needed Ol’ reliable’s for some intel. Nothing too fun.” Bruce made a noise of acknowledgment, now undoing the buttons on each sleeve, “Find what you were looking for?” Bruce was calm as he rolled up his sleeves, if Tim was anyone else his calm facade may have worked. But he wasn’t just anyone. He was nervous. The thought made Tim smirk, he dropped his face to a more neutral expression, turning to face his Father and Mentor.

“Sure did.” He rose from the seat without pause, “Even had time to look into that folder for you- Alfred said you might need a little help.”

Bruce didn’t falter in his movements, his expression remained in its usual stoic demeanor.

The tension in the air had Tim’s heart pounding against his ribcage, Bruce Wayne was the variable he couldn’t plan around, and it made him dangerous.

The older man had an aura of authority around him in or out of the suit, Tim knew this could be a monumental setback if he reacted negatively-

Bruce quickly sat with an amused huff, turning on the monitors with practiced ease.

Just like that the tension evaporated.

“Exactly how are you going to help me, Tim?” The statement had weight behind it, two dark pools of blue clashed in the reflection of the computer, his fathers accompanied by a lifted brow, his facial expression almost daring Tim to say the wrong thing.

The younger of the two wordlessly typed in a few words on one of the smaller screens pulling up the feed of Arkham’s common area. The video was dated today and was only about an hour old, the footage itself was your run-of-the-mill CCTV quality, so it wasn’t the clearest, but Bruce immediately recognized you, and his heart all but stopped, forced to watch as you were put in the exact kind of situation he was fixing to keep you from. His fists clenched so hard the skin on his knuckles turned white, he wasn’t so shaken at the way you’d brutalized the man, but rather the fact that you were surrounded by such individuals in the first place. Logically as a Metahuman he knew you were the strongest person in the room, but this fact didn’t give him comfort. It did the exact opposite. You’d found yourself cornered in the most dangerous situation and he was all but helpless to get you out.

He knew he couldn’t waltz in there and pull you out, okay he very well could, realistically he could leave now and have you back in time for dinner, but he also knew he needed to pace himself. Because Batman doesn’t break people out of Arkham, no matter how badly they don’t belong. His nostrils flared at the screen. His original plan to observe you from afar was thrown out the window the moment Damian took an interest in you, this Bruce could understand, he even planned for the scenario of you running from him, he hadn’t anticipated this is where you’d run through.

A beat of silence passed between them before Tim began making his way back upstairs, just before the elevator doors could close he made sure to get in one last quip to seal the metaphorical deal, something that would give Bruce no choice but to intervene.

“I hope that poor girl is safe in there.”

As the doors shut on his Father, a small but genuine smile grew on his face. Now that he’d gotten Bruce in the game it wouldn’t be long until you were right where you belonged, right where Tim could see you without a screen in the way.

Elsewhere

Jason does a lot of thinking now’a days. He thinks about where it all went wrong when you started hiding things from him. Of course, he couldn’t be upset with you for feeling unsafe enough to run, he hunted murderers and scumbags on a daily basis, if you were intimidated by his occupation, he could understand. But the longer he sat with the thought the less sense it made, he could keep you safe, he could keep the bad shit away, and you knew that he’d saved you as the Hood once before, so what could have changed your opinion so fast? That is if it was a what.

If it wasn’t a what it had to be a who.

As Jason’s mind worked a mile a minute, he paced, and when he had walked a dent into the floorboards, he turned to his favorite outlet. Some people preferred to jog or write when they got stressed, and Jason liked to clock into work.

Usually, he started with a steak-out, leaned against his Harley Davidson* custom in some rank alley, the flickering fluorescents occasionally catching his helmet in a menacing shine. He always chose the most time-sensitive task he caught on the police scanner not-so-legally installed in his bike, but his brain was far too muddled with thoughts of you to put his all into work. It had been a grueling 12 hours since you’d made a break for it and ripped his sense of peace out with clenched fists.

You’d taken up permanent residence in the worst way, he tormented himself with the most gut-wrenching kinds of scenarios. The intrusive kind where you came under harm because he wasn’t strong enough to stop you- no he wasn’t prepared to stop you. The moment you left was playing on loop, specifically, that split second he had where he could’ve taken you out from behind, gently subdued you until he could find out what had you so scared.

But he didn’t, he couldn’t force himself to move in any way that would harm you, it went against every cell in his body.

And now you were gone.

A bitter lump had taken up in his stomach, made of ice and nails, every moment he didn’t know where you were, its spikes dug their way in deeper. He feels stuck in that moment of the horror movie where you see the monster coming but the girl doesn’t, but unlike the movies, Jason can and will be doing something about this monster. He just has to find it first.

No one was talking and that meant one of two things.

You were working close to someone with enough connections to concern Jason, or you were-

He had to physically shake the thought away. Not willing to entertain the idea for even a second. He could feel it, you were fine. In a ludicrous amount of danger yes, but alive. And that’s all he needed. Because when he found you again, he promised himself he’d keep you safe, he knew something major had happened that night forever ago when you crept into the apartment so eerily, leaving a trail of murky water as you passed. You’d been different, in little ways, offering to get the takeout instead of ordering in and always coming back unscathed despite where you lived. Of course, he had to follow you, he vividly remembers a man running through busy traffic to avoid you, of course, Jason marked it as odd from his view above the streets, but he couldn’t have known you were well whatever you were, from that alone, what really clued him in was how confident you’d become before he could only hope you’d chime in the conversation with him and Roy, desperately trying to include you and praying it wasn’t obvious, now you spoke your mind no matter what, almost like you couldn’t help it, and it made your light burn even brighter.

He was beyond excited when you began to open up, the two of you bonding in the kind of way people wrote stories about, slowly, surely, at your pace, you’d begun to unravel the layers of each other. And then someone came along and ruined everything.

Jason also thought a lot about what he was going to do to this person when he got his hands on them.

The only reason he wasn’t beating the answer out of someone right now was because he was running on fumes and he knew it. Roy had just barely managed to talk him out of his gear. “I care about her too Jay.” The redhead gave Jason’s back a comforting squeeze. “I’ll ask around some places you can’t okay? This is (Y/n) we’re talking about, wherever she is, she’s in control.” It was that last thought that pacified him enough to passively pace himself into a silent almost boiling anger. It was in this quiet, dangerous moment, his least annoying sibling strolled in the front door like it was an everyday occurrence.

“You are bad, Roy was right to call me.” The voice of his replacement spoke suddenly, Tim had been snapping his fingers in an effort to clear that dark haze that had begun to fog over his brother’s eyes.

Tim was concerned, that much was obvious from the tone he used like he was speaking to a wounded, feral, animal. As he snapped a few more times in front of his face, Jason’s eyes focused on his successors, “I’m fine. How long have you been there?”

”Long enough J.”

The older of the two sighed deeply through his nose, his thumbs rubbing long circles into the sides of his temple.

“Yeah okay, I spaced a bit who cares? You really here to check on lil’ ol’ me?”

”Nah, mostly just to tell you your little girlfriend there works for Oswald.”

His smile fell instantly. You were forced, no choice, blackmail maybe? Debt? Did you gamble? Cashed a favor?

“Are you absolutely positive?” Tim’s face held rather calm at the ever-growing frustration of his predecessor. He could tell how worked up Jason was, to think (Y/n) had such an effect on him, he looked like a puppy dog waiting on its owner to come home.

“You need some serious sleep- and that’s coming from me so,” Tim said not answering the older man’s question, with a deep sigh he shoved the taller of the two onto the couch, soon sitting beside him, it didn’t take long for Tim to set up his two favorite machines, bulky things he’d built himself that way too many people wanted to get their hands on, lots of dirty little secrets embedded in their code.

Tim was worried. More worried than Jason could comprehend. Because he knew exactly where Oswald had put you- a glance at the unusually shaken man beside him was all he spared as he continued to type- now wasn’t the time to share, that would come later. A time for everything as they say.

Right now all Jason needed was a way for you to get out of the snakepit you found yourself in, so that's what Tim gave him.

"Bruce has a file on your girl, think it has anything to do with her new occupation?" He spoke offhandedly, silently observing Jason’s reactions. That’s all he needed to say, the show had officially begun.

"No." Jason's answer was quick and concise, the lost look had faded from his gaze, hardening into his thinking face. His back straightened, muscles coiling like a snake in the grass.

He cracked his neck, tired eyes once more meeting Tim’s, “Bruce n’ I need to have a little chat, that’s all.” He was out the door before Tim could stop him, not that he would, this was all going exactly as he’d anticipated. The match had been lit, it was only a matter of time before the fuse blew, the question of the hour was who would break first? Tim’s bet is on Bruce.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #yandere dc imagine #fanfic #yandere dc #straight venomous #yandere damian wayne #yandere batfam #yandere jason todd x reader #yandere tim drake x reader #yandere bruce wayne x reader

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allamericansbitch · 7 months

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it was “a joke” but still disgusting in my opinion. here’s a source: nypost.com/2023/02/07/travis-kelce-jokes-about-breeding-to-keep-up-with-brother-jason/amp/

This man is disgusting…. y’all really like a man who describes women as breeders huh

#answered #anonymous

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sillygooseassociation · 1 year

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JRU request: Role play! Maybe pretending like you don’t know each other at a bar and he makes the first move…and takes you home.

okay 100%. obviously jason can act lmao and he’s great at improv and while you may not be as talented at it, he makes it so fun. jason is, not paranoid, but very worried about exposing you to the media before you’re ready. not that he’s ashamed of you, but he knows it’s a lot in general considering you’re not famous and then it’s even crazier considering his ex. there’s also the added layer of you being a PA at SNL, he doesn’t want anyone to think you got the job because of him, even though you had it before the two of you even met. i mean, it took him two years to even introduce you to the ted lasso crew because of covid and paparazzi. i don’t think he’d want to risk doing role play at a bar then.

HOWEVER. y’all got together on new year’s eve (as we saw in last night’s fic) and only a couple weeks after that, will forte is hosting SNL. and of course, jason has to go, it would be rude to not go to his best friend’s show…so what if his girlfriend would also be there. and yes i said girlfriend because y’all officially defined the relationship and it’s fucking perfect and messy and cute like everything between huh.

that week, you’re in charge of running cue cards back and forth, so jason, who’s in the front row, has the perfect combination of watching the show and seeing you run around frantically. he thinks it’s fucking hilarious. both of you get swooped up after the show, jason pulled along with his friends to will’s dressing room while you have clean up.

Jas ❤️: see you at the after party baby

when you’ve arrived at the booked restaurant, you notice that every person from jason’s time at SNL came out of the woodworks for will’s show, which makes sense. you head over to the restaurant bar, figuring you won’t see jason until the end of the party when you head to his place. you’re still early on in your relationship, no one knows you’re together, and all of his friends are there, you totally understand him not coming over to you. you’re standing at the bar, nursing your drink when you sense someone slide onto the stool next to yours, “well fuck, you’re the hottest person in this room.”

your cheeks warm at the compliment, turning to see jason looking absolutely cozy and gorgeous as fuck in his purple sweater and jeans, wearing a baseball cap and glasses (which he knows is your favorite, that fucker). before you can return the compliment, jason sticks his hand out, “i’m jason, you?” you shake your head and snicker, shaking jason’s hand as he looks at you with a bright smile, “y/n, nice to meet you, jason.”

jason smirks, pleased with himself that you’re playing along, “hm, i dated a y/n once.” rolling your eyes, you take your hand back and take a swig of your drink, “oh did you?” jason nods, looking around the room to make sure no one is too close, but also because he needs a distraction from looking at you in your tight pants and low cut blouse, “yup, she could be annoying as hell. but really fucking good in bed.”

jason snorts as you swat him on the arm, “shut the fuck up.” jason turns back to you with a bright smile, “i’m joking, i’m joking. she was amazing, still is. the absolute best thing to ever happen to me, ‘cept for my kids of course.” you blush brightly as a small smile rests on your face. you two only became official a couple weeks ago and yet he was saying things like this, he was as crazy about you as you were about him.

the sweet moment soon changes though, jason sliding off his stool so that he’s standing next to you, his body covering yours from the rest of the room as he leans down, his hot breath on your ear, “i’m not kidding though, she was a fucking goddess in bed.” you let out a shaky breath, inconspicuously crossing one leg over the other, to which jason smirks at. you look up at him, purposeful innocent doe eyes staring at him to break him, “wanna see if i can live up to her hype?”

jason has never left a party so fucking quickly

#thank you for the request friend!#JRU #JRU blurb #jason sudeikis #jason sudeikis fanfiction #jason sudeikis fanfic #jason sudeikis fic #jason sudeikis x reader

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takaraphoenix · 1 year

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TODAY in: Comic character fans I am feeling sorry for! Jason Todd, actually.

Damn, boy. I know I made a post about how dramatic and funny it was that Jason, a grown man, dramatically ripped his shirt off to reveal he was wearing an adult-sized version of his Robin suit to fight a high schooler. Like. The visual of that was really, really funny.

But holy shit. What in the world was that.

I’m wondering when I will get to meet Jason without him being kicked around by a fellow Robin?? Dick and his meeting in the Outsiders run went the same. And now Tim and Dick came and beat Jason up. Just. Unprompted. There was a crime so we suspect him. He has an alibi. He still gets kicked in the balls by Tim before the two leave (and okay, to be fair to Tim, that had been payback for the above mentioned dramatics and following beating).

Do... Do writers just really-really hate him? Is that it? Where does the Jason who gets... I don’t know... a personality?... live? First time I met him was in his Urban Legends story and that was so nice on his characterization. And now I’m meeting his past and all I can think “holy shit everybody thinks he’s The Violent Robin... so they start beating him up even totally unprovoked? Makes... Makes you guys kinda look like The Violent Robin, tbh???”, so yeah...

My condolences to Jason Todd fans. Y’all really lived through the early 2000s somehow, huh.

#Jason Todd #DC Comics #babe I am SO SORRY they keep treating your boy like this :(

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ally-writes-many-things · 2 years

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You’re a father (J. Kolchek) Part 4 finale

Summary: You’re pregnant when you were swallowed into a underground world that was full of danger.

Words: 687

Requested:

Warings or A.N: Sorry, this is so short as well as so many time jumps. I didn’t want to write the entire game out again but nonetheless I hope y’all enjoy the last part.

Tags: @house-of-kolchek @shinydixon @yellowroseskolchek @thedreamingfish99 @meadows-of-light

Jason gently pushed you back to the temple as he and Nick started to shut the doors. You were just right outside the temple with them and Eric trying to fix a radio to call for help when something makes the radio blow. It was the Iraqis and then gunfire happened. The feedback that the radio was playing was attracting the creatures from down below. You had managed to stay hidden until Jason and Nick had pushed the Iraqis back.

Jason and Nick just about had the doors close when they stopped. “Rachel?”

“Rachel?”

Rachel comes barrellng into the room. Nick stared at her in pure shock. “You’re alive,”

“Have any doubts, Marine?”

Nick hugged Rachel while Jason finished closing the door. “Where’s Eric?”

Rachel turned around and Eric went to her and hugged her back which Rachel didn’t really return the hug. “I’m so sorry,”

“You followed the climbing protocol. You had no other choice but to cut the rope. We don’t need to discuss it,”

“We both would have died. You have to understand that,”

You didn’t know what happened between them earlier but you guessed that was what happened. You didn’t bother to ask Eric or Jason or even Nick because it was a touchy subject and we didn’t need more shit going on than what was already happening. Nick cleared his throat. “We good?”

Eric looked over at Nick and got this look on his face. The look of realization. Whatever was about to happen wasn’t going to be good. “It’s him isn’t it? I understand you’re not the brightest, Nick, but even you must know what I’m talking about. You’ve been fucking him, haven’t you?”

Rachel didn’t answer and Eric took that as a yes. He walked over to Nick and threw a punch towards Nick. Which turned into Nick taking a punch at him and so on and so forth until Rachel stopped them. “Stop it!”

“I know it’s him, Rach. I know!”

“You better step off before I start swinging. Colonel or no Colonel,”

“Don’t, Nick! I tried waiting, Eric, I really did. I’m sorry,”

“Always loyal,”

“Always loyal, huh? You weren’t so loyal when you cut the rope,”

You were tired of this bullshit drama when you were literally being chased by creatures that were trying to kill you. “Would you three shut the fuck up, already? Rachel cheated on you, woe is me. If you hadn’t fucking noticed we are being chased creatures that are fasting, stronger and wouldn’t surprise me, smarter than us that are trying to fucking kill us. So if you are done with worrying about whose fucking who, we need to find a way out of here before they come busting through those doors,”

-8 months later-

You have gotten out of Hell and it’s been tough. You guys had managed to find the entire nest of those creatures and set their cocoons on fire and burn hopefully most of them alive with an Iraqi named Salim. Salim and Jason had created a bond that you don’t think anyone could break and after running for a while you had found an opening to the outside world that you could climb up and get out. They kept you in quarantine for weeks but thankfully, they allowed you and the others to see each other. It’s now been eight months since then.

“He looks just like his dad,” Nick said while looking at yours and Jason’s son.

As soon as you got back to the base, they rushed you to a nearby hospital to check to make sure the baby was okay and thankfully, by a miracle, the baby was. “If he would’ve looked like his mom, I’d feel bad for him,”

“HA HA HA,”

“ He's a beautiful baby boy either way,” Salim said.

Jason and you shared a look between each other before looking at Nick. “Wanna know his name?”

Nick looked up for your son and smiled. “I’m not sure. Knowing Jason, he’d want something stupid but knowing you, you wouldn’t let him,”

Jason laughed. “He’s named after his godfathers,”

“Nickolas Salim,"

#house of ashes jason kolchek #house of ashes jason #jason kolchek #jason kolchek x reader #dark pictures house of ashes #house of ashes eric #house of ashes rachel #house of ashes nick #salim othman

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maxymylli0n · 2 years

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Let me rant about Stranger Things Season 4 Volume 1. This is your spoiler warning if you have not watched the season yet and also your general warning that these are my thoughts and opinions on some stuff, if you are nice and can talk about it nicely, I encourage discussions. But if you are only going to be mean and condescending, trust me when I say I won’t even give you the time of day. So here, enjoy my ramblings about the recent season:

Jonathan is NOT being a bad boyfriend. You need to understand that he does not want to leave his family behind. It is not even entirely wrong that he is not opening this up to Nancy as he has not even figured it out himself. Both of their feelings are valid: Nancy is frustrated that they have no communication and Jonathan has this burden. It’s actually so sweet that he’s even opening this up to Argyle to get advice as he really needs help with it.

Argyle not tolerating his behaviour is admirable! Most media will portray a guy friend just being nonchalant and giving advice to just end it and him actually listening to Jonathan and giving helpful advice is so cute.

ARGYLE IS SWEET AND LOYAL. NO ONE TOUCH THIS MAN. HE IS TO BE PROTECTED.

Jason being so upset and revengeful for his girlfriend’s death makes sense. It’s not right to take the matter into his own hands of course. His actions are not excused, but why he’s acting this way makes sense from someone who had got lost someone. Especially with the cops being dismissive about the happenings.

Idk how some of you are deciphering that Chrissy and Jason’s relationship was not healthy like the only clip we saw of them was actually cute? The way he said I love you in front of the entire school? Other than that, nothing else. So I don’t understand how people are saying Eddie deserved her more. Yes, Eddie was nice to her but how do you guys know Jason was not treating her right?

As much as y’all are mad at Lucas for hanging out with the “cool kids”, I am as equally frustrated with Mike, Dustin, and Erica in this matter for missing his game. I understand the campaign is important but not being able to support your friend with his endeavours is also shitty of you.

Do not fucking mention to me that they are easily playing DnD with Eddie when they refused to do that with Will all of Season 3.

I’m not saying it’s absurd that 001 was ((born)) with his powers or harnessed it or whatever. Not believing that in a world that has literal monsters in it is just ignorant. It’s just that I’m very confused about it: did he study on how to do it? Was he born with it and just needed to learn how to bring it out? Like what exactly, how exactly. It’s not like there’s books on the topic.

Why did Nancy get a front row seat to his backstory huh why was she so special? HMMMMMMM.

If there is a gate at every murder site in Hawkins, wouldn’t that mean that there is a wide ass gate in the middle of the road where Fred died???????? Like?

Murray is the actual MVP this season. Imagine flying out to California to help Joyce fly to Alaska then unexpectedly to Russia in a kill-thyself mission?? We love our karate man.

YURI CAN BE EATEN BY BEARS, I DON’T CARE.

Staying in that storyline, my homie Joyce would lose her shit once she comes home: house destroyed, kids missing, one taken. I can’t imagine her reaction man.

Antonov can shout at me anytime of the day.

Can we actually applaud Hopper for still being alive at this point? My man was tortured for days?? Weeks?? Captured, tried to escape and then beaten again? Was betrayed with Antonov and THEN beaten again? Man of Steel right there.

Will being the most absolute supportive brother figure to El literally melts me. Especially knowing he likes the boyfriend and he still chooses to love and care for her.

Dustin, my favorite child, always is the one to figure out everything and I swear to god if this person was absent or something, no one in this group would get what’s going on. Nancy might, but even her knowledge about these stuff is limited.

Angela can get an ice skate to the face, I don’t fucking care. (I’m kidding. What El did was assault, please do not do that, kids.)

Mike being confused with what happened at the rink IS NOT HIS FAULT AND NOT HIM PUTTING THE BLAME ON EL. Yes, the “El, what did you do?” line is really bad. But do you blame him? What he knew was that Angela was El’s friend. Yeah, he saw the whole spilling chocolate drink chaos but no one is explaining to this boy that they aren’t really friends. My guy Will also did not know El was lying to Mike. Like did y’all not see the begging to stop the music? The frantically running towards El? The trying so hard to look for her after what happened? My guy was all around confused because not only did he not have any idea with what’s going on with El, Will also had something against him and he was bombarded with all this burden.

Eddie has my whole fucking heart. I’m so scared for him because even if they do defeat Vecna in Volume 2, people would still need an explanation for the murders. Unless, Jason steps up and teams up with them and sees everyone, I doubt my guy Eddie would be safe :(

Eddie and I can add more stains to the bed, idc.

Eddie being a nerd is what I love about him. He was passionate about something he likes. He’s a little weird and rough around the edges but he’s nice and such a sweetheart. Might I add, actually funny.

Max accepting her end broke me. How she wrote goodbye letters already, how she practically said goodbye to her mum as well, the letter to Billy. The fact that she was trying so hard to hold on as well. I love this kid.

Side note: She had a letter for Steve :’)

ROBIN BEING SO COMFORTABLE AROUND STEVE!! I LOVE THEM!!

This is the bare minimum for an ally but Steve not outing Robin to everyone to reason why they’re not dating is one of my favorite subtle things this season. As he should of course but you kind of do not expect that from a guy not exposed to that idea so I’m happy.

Please stop making Stancy happen again. I would accept it if there’s no Jonathan as Steve is a completely different person now and has changed. BUT that’s the thing: Jonathan. Please DO NOT cheat on this boy as that would also make me hate Steve because he let it happen (if it happens). Leave Jancy alone.

I’m confused as to why Erica is still confused with everything. She was already involved in Season 3, why we gotta run it through you again homie. I love you but let’s keep up yeah?

Robin is actually very smart and loyal as well. I love the scene where Nancy did not think twice jumping in, but honestly Robin was the one that did not hesitate for both Nancy and Steve. Nancy took seven seconds though. Yes, I counted. We pan back to Robin and she’s already setting herself to dive in.

Robin was quick and smart to figure out the music theory. I’m glad she was fast with that or Max is gone.

Jason witnessing the very gruesome death of one of his best friends is unexplainable to him. A guy who isn’t aware of the upside down’s only explanation about this would be a cult or some kind of ritual sacrifice. The whole shit of about it was cringey but I get it, he doesn't know shit and then SEEING THAT? What would you think?

Papa / Dr. Brenner’s actor is actually really attractive. Just gotta let that out there.

Y’all gotta let my girl El live! Please! Baby is so traumatized already and she had to relive it. Give her a break! The only upside to her “training” is that she can find comfort in knowing it was not her that did the massacre.

Susie is a GENUIS. How they knew where you she lived in beyond me but that’s not much an important detail here. Her deciphering everything and being able to crack the code is girlboss energy. We love. She deserves to have a scene with all the kids.

Vecna / 001 can get it.

My guy, it’s funny though, imagine getting outpowered by a literal child 💀

A big shout out to Robert Englund, the one and only Freddie Kruger being here.

I started off hating this season because I did not like how we were entering the “Haunted House” genre. It was later on that we realize that well, it was not a demon possessing the house, but a hot guy who is different and not like other guys a child who apparently has powers and have this if-you-die, you-will-truly-be-free-mindset.

Last point: The Duffer brothers and the Stranger Things should learn to SHUT UP in giving spoilers PLEASE. I love Noah Schnapp but damn please do not let this boy go on an interview again. And the Duffer brothers confirming this character is safe and this and that like PLEASE. No context clues, I want to get in there and be in the dark.

Very last general point: As much as we hate our favorite characters dying in a series/movie, the inevitability of death explains mortality and equal odds between the good and bad guys - it makes the show great. It’ll be boring if the ones we root for always win. This is why Game of Thrones was (once) a great show, death of people you were rooting for caught you off guard so much. With Stranger Things, everybody cares for everyone and anyone that would die either because of sacrifice or stupidity or even “for the greater good”, it makes sense because that’s the way they are and they will.

P.S. I will be editing this from time to time to add on to things when it triggers my thought process so have fun!

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zaiinab · 2 years

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ooooo not to mention he stayed in connecticut and she was in la for a bit like it’s very strange indeed since she usually follows him around EVERYWHERE and she got papped alone like 10 times in the past 3 weeks. she was also wearing a kendrick lamar hoodie after jason went to his concert 😬

oh damn y’all really know your stuff huh 😭

#anon #i haven’t seen any pics of her so i didnt know she was getting papped regularly

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delikaitxx · 5 months

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I’M BACK BABY! Miss me?

Chapter Fourteen is LIVE! I missed yall so much! I hope Halloween was amazing for you. Get ready for more with Roxie!

‘86 // Chapter Fourteen: Total Eclipse of a Heart

The Afternoon of March 22nd, 1986

“We made it.” Lucas says out of relief. “Yeah… Thank god. Hand me my bag really quick.” Lucas grabs the bag from the back and hands it to me. “Jesus Roxie, what did you pack?” He asks as I pull out the walkie. “Snacks, water, pads, tampons, lipstick. The essentials for a girl living in Hawkins.” Lucas seems to find it funny as he chuckles.

“Eddie, baby, do you copy?” I ask talking into the communication device. “Hi sweetheart. I copy. Everything okay?” Lucas acts as a look out for Jason. “Yeah.. we had a situation at Gareth’s… Jason and the Idiots showed up.” I look at Lucas, who I saved from the group. “I did rescue a hostage though.” “Who?” Eddie asks over the static of the walkies. “Hey Eddie.” Lucas shyly greets, while nervously looking at me.

“Well, well if it isn't Sinclair. I see you didn’t last long on the dark side.” Eddie says almost harshly. “Eddie…” I start growing irritated. “I saved him from becoming one of the Idiots officially. Now stop and let him talk.” I hand the walkie to Lucas, who’s clearly terrified of talking to the Dungeon Master. “Um, hey.” Lucas says over the device, Eddie is staying silent. Good boy. “Roxie told me about everything. From why Chrissy was in the trailer, to her death, to Nancy and Roxie reuniting. That had to be awkward. Man, that’s a lot.” “Get to the point, Sinclair.” Both Eddie and I say equally irritated, I feel a headache forming. I grab the ibuprofen from my bag and take it.

“When I was watching the news with the guys, I had an unsettling feeling. The guys, especially Jason, think you did it Eddie. I wanted to get away from them, but they dragged me along. Dddje, they’re out looking for you with their pitchforks. Jason is set on getting justice for Chrissy, to avenge her death.” Lucas says looking at me. “Then that’s when we went to Gareth’s place. I’m so happy Roxie was there. I was hoping Jason wouldn’t see her, until she made her grand exit.”

“LUCAS!” I shout irritated, not wanting Eddie to find out. “Babe, why would you do that? You could’ve gotten hurt.” “More like Jason would’ve when she peeled out.” I try not to laugh thinking about Jason’s reaction. “He was hurting Gareth, what was I supposed to do? Sit there and let him? Hell no. The look on his face was priceless.” “Was he scared?” “Oh shitless. Roxie was so epic!” It’s silent for a brief second.

“Well, at least you two are safe. They didn’t follow you right?” “No, we’re clear.” “Are you at the school?” “Yeah, we’re about to go in and meet with the group. Lucas really wanted to see Max.” I tease the young boy. “Oh you still love her, huh?” “Yeah, he does. He won’t admit it, but he does.” “Ew you two are so gross.” I start laughing. “We’re just fucking with you.” I continue to laugh. “You guys stay safe. Ring me when y’all are done.” “Okay, we will. I love you.” “I love you too, sweetheart.” I look over to Sinclair. “Ready to reunite with everyone?” “Let’s go.”

We go to the back of the van and grab the bat, previously owned by Steve. “So, how are things going with you and Eddie? You must be freaked.” Lucas asks as I shut the back of the van and we make our way to the school. Lucas also notices the bat. “Steve gave you the bat?” He acts shocked. “Yep! Apparently it used to belong to Nancy, but Steve used it when they fought the Demogorgon. Steve gave it to me when we were decorating the cabin. For protection, you know.” We both laugh a bit. “I thought it was appropriate to bring too.” “Smart move.”

Stepping inside the school finally, we turn our flashlights on. “As for Eddie and I, we’re good. He loved the cabin, that’s where he’s at right now. He gave me my own Hellfire Club shirt.” I smile thinking about it, not even thinking of my tone. “Then what’s with the tone of your voice?” He asks as we begin to walk down the hallway, surpassing the cafeteria. “We had a misunderstanding earlier.” “What type of misunderstanding?”

I stop and he stops with me. “The type where I thought Eddie was… doing things with Chrissy… behind my back.” Lucas’ jaw drops. “Cool it, Sinclair. Nothing was going on. Just a deal… I don’t even hate Chrissy, never hated her. I hate myself for thinking Eddie would do that to me. I feel like such an asshole.” Lucas understands this as we continue to walk down the dimly lit hallway. “We all make silly assumptions. Eddie wouldn’t dare to hurt you though, you two are meant for each other. Do you feel that way because of your history with your father? Dustin would talk a lot about growing up without him and how it affected you.”

“Roxanne.” That hushed whisper looms in my ears again. I stop again and look around worried. “Roxie, are you okay?” He reaches out his hand for mine and I snap out of it. “… yeah, I’m fine.” I hug my jean jacket around my body. “I could stop talking about it if you like.” I shake my head. “No, no. It’s ok- did you hear that?” I begin to hear footsteps faintly. “Hear what?” The footsteps get louder. Lucas notices and steps in front of me as I pull out the bat. “Lucas, get behind me.” “No Roxie, I got this.”

Lucas goes in front of me and I follow him closely, ‘cause god forbid something happens. We reach a corner as the footsteps get more distinct. “Ready?” He asks. I get the bat ready. “Yeah, right behind you.” Lucas and I prepare to reveal ourselves to the mysterious footsteps, screaming as they scream back. “JESUS CHRIST SINCLAIR! You could’ve gotten hurt!” Steve says lowering his flashlight. I reveal myself completely to Max and Dustin behind him. “Hey little bro!” I wave at Dustin. I watch Lucas beam over Max as I go up to Steve and Dustin. “I rescued him from a Jason ambush.” “Carver? Are you guys good?” Dustin asks coming up to check on me. “Yes, and I can explain everything.” Lucas says.

We unite with the three and Lucas tells Steve and Max what happened while Dustin takes notice of my wary state. “Rox, are you okay?” Breaking out of my train of thought, as another hush whisper “Roxanne” echoes through the empty halls of Hawkins High. “Y-yeah.” I start gathering my thoughts. “We….. we were at Gareth’s, well, I was… I had to tell Gareth what was going on.” “Roxie Gracie…..” Dustin utters the unbearable childhood nickname once again. “First of all, seriously, don’t call me that.” I groan. “Second of all, calm down little bro, he’s not going to say anything. I trust Gareth completely. He’s my best friend outside of the Hellfire Club. He, in the midst of the conversation, made me realize that-“ I get interrupted by Harrington’s alert, “HENDERSONS!”

Dustin and I go up to the three as Max recounts what she’s gathered. “One thing I’ve noticed is Chrissy would see Ms. Kelley often. I saw her walk out of her office yesterday.” “So, what did you find?” Dustin as Steve and I share nervous glances. “Fred would see her too. I thought maybe Ms. Kelley would have information.” The five of us huddle together to look at Chrissy and Fred’s files.

“They were both suffering from severe headaches. As well as night sweats, sleep deprivation, and nightmares.” My skin begins to crawl as Max recounts not only their experiences but also hers. “Then, I saw a clock chiming in the hallway, a grandfather clock. It was like….” “Like a dream.” Dustin and I say in unison, looking at Max then at each other, concerned.

“Chrissy started having headaches a week ago, Fred a day after her, and myself… five days.” The five of us quickly realize what that means. “I don’t know how much time I have, knowing what they went through, I could die tomorrow.” Max shutters as Lucas and I approach her and Steve and Dustin gather their thoughts. “You are not going to die, okay? We are not going to let that happen. We are going to figure out what Vecna wants and take him out.” I say letting out my inner Joyce Byers. “We’re not going to let him lay a finger on you.” Lucas tells Max, then giving her a comforting smile. I look back at Steve and Dustin, who are looking at the files.

Then, Robin and Nancy burst into the lobby, alarming us at first. Lucas is protecting Max, I stand in front of Dustin, and Steve steps in front of us ready to attack, we calm down realizing it’s the two. “Hi gang.” Robin says with her eyebrows furrowed toward us as Nancy seemingly takes notice of our expressions, primarily Max, Steve, and I. “What’s going on?” Nancy asks, her stare in my eyes intensifies as I avoid her gaze. “Max is next. We figured it out.” Dustin says as Max goes to show them her findings. “What did you guys find?”

“Victor Creel. We found a few articles that said he thought his house was haunted by a demon.” Robin starts, looking at Nancy, who catches sneaking glances at me. “Apparently, he hired a priest to exorcise it, but it killed his family.” Nancy says. “As punishment, he was spared too!” “That’s all?” Lucas says. “Yeah. So far…” Robin says as Steve notices my resistance to look at Nancy.

“Rox, are you okay?” Steve starts to ask and I brush him off, leaning against the lockers a bit. “Yeah… I’m fine.” I search for the keys to the van in my jacket pocket. “I gotta go… I gotta go before people see Eddie’s van… I don’t want you guys to get caught.” I say as I feel someone grab my wrist. I turn for a second, only to see a flash of my father, which startles the shit out of me. “Roxie.” I hear a voice calling out my name. As it becomes clear, it’s Nancy.

I shake my head looking down on her hand on my wrist. “Oh, fuck. Shit. I’m so sorry:” I say, trying to get it together. I get my wrist out of Nancy’s comforting hand. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Robin says quietly as Nancy examines my emotions. Dustin and Steve, being the brothers they are, share glances of concern. I look over at Max, then Robin, then back at Nancy. “I’m fine… I think.. I gotta go. I need more clothes and I’m sure you don’t want to deal with cops.” I give Nancy a small smile.

“Give me a heads up if anything happens.” Nancy utters, reminding me of our childhood, that friendship. “I-I will.” I stutter than glance at Steve and Robin, who get the picture. “I’ll be at the cabin later. See you guys later. You guys be safe.” I walk up to Dustin and give him a hug. “I’ll tell you later.” I whisper quietly before we let go. He looks at me terrified. “I’m telling mom you’re at Lucas’.” “Thanks sis. I love you.” “I love you too.” I walk away feeling Nancy’s eyes still on me, as well as another ghost of my past.

#joseph quinn #eddie munson #stranger things #eddie x oc #maya hawke #robin buckley #eddie stranger things #eddie fic #steve harrington #dustin henderson #nancy wheeler #max mayfield #lucas sinclair

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desperatecheesecubes · 3 years

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Don’t mind me, I’m just going to cry about this forever.

#blessed content honestly #Jason comes home and immediately starts getting hugs again god bless #Tuesday comics #damian wayne #robin #jason todd #red hood #I feel like this comic is going to very divisive though #take a shot every time someone says it’s fanon behavior #it’s canon now baby #mine #i can’t believe y’all got this to 1k #oh good lord now it’s at 1.5k #holy fuck we’re at 2k #I ain’t got nothing for 2.5K #we all just really want them to be siblings huh #3K my bewildered #robin (21) 5

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parks-and-get-wrekt · 3 years

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The Robins (plus Duke) as moments from the try guys episode where they get kidnapped

(The last one of these did pretty well and I have more to share so)

Kidnappers: where’s your phone?

Dick: it dropped outside

Kidnappers: why’s it outside? Why’s it not on you?

Dick: I don’t like the way it makes my pants look

Duke: what’s being kidnapped usually like? Is it like an escape room?

Jason: it’s more like a bdsm room

Dick: Oo-Kay

Tim: I was afraid of being kidnapped as a kid. And there was this one nightmare I remember, where the kidnappers got to me and I just started screaming “I love you”

Dick: the royal family have to get trained for live kidnapping situations. Meghan Markle had to go through a kidnapping scenario like we did today. So I’m basically… married to prince Harry. Except I’m gonna have a better dress

Stephanie: I’m gonna put the nap in kidnap!

Duke: (talking about Batman’s survival training) he’s the kind of guy who goes into the woods and bites into raccoon neck for like, sustenance

Jason: I’m not scared, I’m kind of like… hard. Nope that wasn’t the word I wanted to say

*laughter from his siblings*

Jason: I meant hard like I’m tough not hard like, stop laughing dickhead I didn’t mean it that way

Dick: (clutching his stomach and cackling)

Stephanie: Tim’s the best at strategy because he plays a lot of board games, Jason and Damian are obviously the craziest. Me? I can create a distraction. Then we’ll throw Duke at them and run away

Duke: what?

Dick: now I’ve heard of Stockholm syndrome which is where you fall in love with your kidnapper. I’m not saying that’s gonna happen today, but that could happen today

Jason: you look so stupid right now

Tim: *messing with his handcuffs* thank you

Tim: wait, can I just- *starts pulling his hand out*

Others: slender wrists! Slender wrists! Slender wrists!

Duke: have any of you ever been in a situation like this?

Damian: I got into a cab once, it was going in circles and the driver kept changing directions and talking on the phone. Eventually I just put a knife to his throat.

Dick: I’m the run guy, he’s the stab guy

Jason: this is some dark shit y’all

Stephanie: is it weird that I’m excited?

Damian: *immediately kicks a henchman’s leg and makes a run for it when they put hoods over everyone’s heads* *gets caught and brought back to the others*

Dick: (conversationally) hey Dami how’d you do?

Damian: I made it about 50 yards

Stephanie: oh that’s pretty far

Random henchman: get down on the floor! No talking!

Dick: (lying facedown) what about singing?

Henchman: (kicks dust over him)

*muffled laughter from the other kids*

Stephanie: (mocking the others bc she’s not actually adopted) you’ll never get away with this, my dad is a very powerful man. Ooooh when my dad finds out about this

Tim: (giggling)

Jason: okay I’ve got a bunch of tape, what did you all get?

Duke: I got zip ties

Dick: I’m handcuffed pretty tight

Tim: wanna trade?

Jason: (motioning to a lock pick shiv he’s got in a secret pocket) okay unzip my pants

Dick: (unsure what’s going on but down for it) okay yeah

Tim: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sweating like crazy right now. Feel my hand

Jason: no I don’t need to feel it that’s gross

Tim: I think I can just slip out

Duke: oh no way

Stephanie: his sweat lubed it up!

Dick: Tim’s anxiety is the best secret weapon

(During interrogations)

Duke: wait you guys it sounds like they’re torturing Jason

Jason: (In the distance) ow my dick!

Stephanie: *barely holding back laughter*

Damian: Drake you know what you have to do now, when they’re torturing you you have to slip out and kill them

Tim: *concern*

*the goons returning from an interrogations*

*muffled giggling as the kids try to get their hoods and restraints back on*

Dick: wait, help!

Stephanie: you’re on your own man!

*individual interrogations*

Goons: so who has the most money?

Jason: oh Tim definitely (immediately throwing him under the bus)

Goons: wow you really don’t hesitate to give each other up do you?

Goons: *spray something in Dick’s face*

Dick: is that axe body spray?

Dick: oh that’s really bad actually

Goon #1: disgusting isn’t it?

Dick: (cheerfully) yeah!

Goon #2: purest form of torture

Goons: so apparently this group’s leader is Tim

Tim: what are you talking about?

Goons: on your feet Timmy

Tim: oh I’ll do that, that’s fine, I just want it to be on the record that I am the leader, I’m the number one (being dragged away)

*interrogation room*

Goon #1: this is bear mace, you ever been bear maced?

Duke: I have not seen bear mace no, I can guess though, that it’s mace but bear strength

Jason: *trying to help get Dick’s hood off with his hands tied* come towards me I can probably do it with my knees

Dick: wha- you can just use your hands. You’re just humping my head

Stephanie: (joining the chaos) no wait hold still

*inaudible hump talk*

Stephanie and Jason: 1 2 3, go!

*they actually manage to get the hood off*

Dick: it did work, but it was super awful

*interrogation room*

Tim: I don’t know if you know this but nobody loves me, it’s kind of my shtick

Goons: who has the money?!

Tim: (rattling off business statistics)

Goon #1: you just like to babble and spit out a bunch of shit huh?

Duke: it’s how I think when I’m nervous!

Goon #2: how do you talk when you’re in pain?

Duke: pretty much the same

Goon: what’s wrong with you?!

Tim: oh so many things

*back in the main room*

Stephanie: (as she’s being dragged away) may I just say that you’re doing a great job, you have a beautiful operation here

Goon: *insults Damian*

Damian: I’ll remember that when I cut off your head

Stephanie: *fixing Duke’s hood to look like Yoda ears*

Tim: I told them my shtick is that nobody loves me

Dick: we love you!

Tim: okay then you pay my f*cking random

Damian: not all of us

Jason: (to Duke) (with authority) interrogation 101, you give them nothing dude

Goons: *forcing Tim to stand in a wall sit position*

Tim: oh is this exercise? This is gonna be so uncomfortable

Dick: oh! We got it! We got it!

*the others shushing him*

Dick: okay yeah shh you guys, shh, we got it!

*the kids walking away mostly barefoot after escaping*

Stephanie: (holding up the hoods) I’m keeping this as a souvenir!

Dick: lets just go until we find like-

Tim: a Starbucks

Duke: does it have to be a Starbucks?

Tim: it has to be a Starbucks I want a caramel macchiato

Jason: can we get fro-yo?

Stephanie: I’m very proud of myself, I escaped and I annoyed my captors relentlessly

Dianian: they probably would have killed you first as a message to the rest of us

Tim: I would like the record to state that they called me the leader

#dc comics #red robin dc #batfamily #batfam #tim drake #jason todd #red hood #spoiler dc #dick grayson #nightwing #damian wayne #batman and robins #Robins #robin dc #duke thomas #signal dc #bat shenanigans #batkids

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