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myslvtwritings · 9 months

Note

HIII COULD YOU DO THE UPPER MOONS WITH A CRYBABY READER? (A thought of mine,of them taking care of me while I sit and cry and babble in there arms about something small 😖😖😖)

Aww, i love this idea! yes i’ll definitely do it!

➤ Uppermoon’s reaction to their S/O being a crybaby

➤ headcanons

Uppermoons x crybaby!GN!reader

including: Muzan, kokushibo, Douma, Akaza and the Hantengu clones (Sekido, Karaku, Aizetsu & Urogi)

warnings: smaller reader, mentions of murder, semi-nsfw?

Muzan Kibutsuji

• We all know how he is.

• Being the demon king, he isn’t the very best at comfort. I think we’re all aware of that.

• Isn’t fazed by your crying. i mean, it isn’t anything new to him. He murders and eats people on a daily basis so crying isn’t something that’s unusual for him to witness..

• However, it’s YOU crying.

• You crying makes Muzan feel… not good.

• He can’t really explain it.

• All he knows is that he strongly dislikes seeing/hearing you cry.

• At first he scolded you for showing such emotions. But then he only realized he made you cry more afterwards.

• Muzan feels horrible. But you’ll never hear that coming from him.

• The two of you are the complete opposite.

• He only got angry at you for crying at first because you were crying over something so stupid and second of all he didn’t want to admit he didn’t like seeing you cry and has no idea how to comfort you properly.

• He doesn’t want to come off as weak.

• Eventually, he’ll own up, apologize for his behavior. After all, he didn’t really mean it. (Believe it or not)

• Muzan isn’t just so great with emotions and he isn’t used to have such an emotional S/O.

• Will stroke your hair as you lay your head in his lap.

• He’ll listen to you vent about whatever upset you. Even if it’s stupid in his eyes.

• “You weep over such silly things, my dear.”

• Muzan will hush and wipe your tears. Thats all you’ll get.

• Now if SOMEONE upset you, they’ll be dead immediately. No questions asked.

• Muzan doesn’t care if you don’t want it. He’ll do it anyway or just lie and say he won’t do it. Which he will

• Doesn’t give a shit who it is either. Even if it’s a family member he’ll destroy them.

• Because how dare they make his beloved S/O cry?

• He’ll literally torture whoever made you this upset. So that’s another way of him showing his love for you. Even if it’s in a horrific way.

• Then he’ll proceed to tell you about how he killed the person who made you sad. 😟 (Doesn’t leave out any details)

• Goes into a state of severe confusion as you cry more. He expects you to treat him like a superior being and says you should be thankful he decided to lend you his presence and time in the first place..

Kokushibo

• Like Muzan, he isn’t an expert when it comes to comforting someone.

• He’s used to being solitary so this is all new for him! Please understand.

• But unlike Muzan, Kokushibo won’t be annoyed by your crying.

• Kokushibo has cried himself before so why should he judge you? (Even though he’s only cried like.. once)

• All though Koku has cried before. It was awhile ago and he barely remembers it. However, he isn’t a crybaby.

• He’s honestly surprised by how much you cry.

• Never has encountered a human who cries as much as you do.

• It comes to a point where sometimes he feels helpless.

• Kokushibo isn’t very vocal. So expect him to be more on the physical side when it comes to comfort.

• Words of affirmation isn’t his strong suit either.

• Becomes immensely confused when you cry more whenever he hugs you. (You cry more when people comfort you)

• Like huh?? Why did you start to cry more?? Should he stop??

• Kokushibo will just pick you up bridal style and set you down on a futon. He’ll cuddle you for awhile until you fall asleep in his arms.

• Isn’t the type to give you advice nor is he responsive but he’ll definitely listen to you.

• Just holds you against his chest as you sob into his embrace.

• Will brutally murder anyone who upset you. He isn’t going to let that shit slide.

• If you beg him not to he’ll be hesitant. He wants to kill them for you but at the same time he doesn’t want to make you further upset if he does carry out the murder.

• Let’s all be blunt, in the end, he won’t listen to you. He won’t let anyone get away with hurting his S/O.

• Kokushibo will know this’ll upset you more but he does it anyway. He doesn’t want anyone messing with you.

Douma

• Oh great heavens..

• Out of all the uppermoons he’s definitely the most touchy/affectionate/comforting. (somewhat)

• Knows how to comfort others. (But it’s not genuine)

• With you it’s entirely different though!

• Butttt he’s still the type to tease his S/O. His toxic trait is that this sadistic basted finds great pleasure in seeing you cry.

• The way you’ll cling yourself to HIM, in need of HIS attention and comfort, desiring HIM and no one else:

• Douma FEEDSSS off that shit.

• Gets off by how vulnerable you get. (New turn on)

• Another thing is that he won’t severely pity you when you cry. After all, he’s not the best when it comes to emotion.

• Also not the type to be fazed by your crying state. i mean, he deals with his followers crying to him ALL the time about their stupid problems.

• Does not give a fuck about them.

• He is USED to not giving a fuck. That’s why he’s surprised he cares whenever you’re crying. Even if it’s over something so minor.

• Douma cares but doesn’t understand fully, yk?

• You need to be patent with him. After all, emotion is new for him. (He only experiences it around you)

anyway..

• Babies you whenever you cry.

• “Oh, my, my! What’s wrong, my sweet lotus?”

• As soon as he sees your tear-stained face he’ll just snatch you up without even asking and pull you onto his huge lap.

• Adores how adorable you look on his lap! You’re so tiny in his arms like this!!

• Let’s you babble about whatever upset you.

• Honestly, he ain’t even listening, he’s just admiring how vulnerable you look right now.

• He’ll just pepper your face in kisses and wipe your tears away.

• Cups your face and whispers sweet nothings into your ear. Douma reminds you that everything will be okay and that you’re safe with him.

• Sometimes he licks your tears.

• Teases you relentlessly if you cry over something stupid.

• Will instantly kill anyone who made you upset.

• Douma usually eats people when they’re this upset so they no longer have to bare the pain but he doesn’t want to eat you. Surprisingly.

• Confused by his own feelings.

• There was a time where you were upset and Douma straight up asked you if you want to be eaten by him.

• Yeah, bros a menace.

Akaza

• This man is SOOO sweet about it.

• The first time you cried in front of him he flipped out😭

• Like huh?? what’s wrong?? are you okay??

• On the inside he’s panicking.

• Is surprised by how vulnerable you can get whenever you’re a mess like this.

• If you’re human, low-key enjoys the power imbalance.

• Though, Akaza absolutely despises witnessing you cry.

• Never makes fun of you. Even if you’re crying over something that others view as stupid. He won’t ever pass judgment towards you or even tease you.

• Akaza will 100% listen to you vent about whatever upset you.

• Oh? what’s that? SOMEONE upset you?

• Yeah, he is coming after them. even if it’s a woman.

• Doesn’t care.

• No one hurts his S/O.

• Akaza wants to protect you. Out of every uppermoon he is the most overprotective.

• Is almost TOO protective.

• You were growing relatively concerned for how overprotective he was. You mostly just didn’t want him to get hurt.

• “I have to ensure you’re safe at all times.”

• Kinda scary at times.

• He wants you out of harms way at all costs.

• Isn’t used to physical touch but whenever you’re sad he’ll definitely give you lots of cuddles.

• Will let you babble on and on.

• Isn’t the best advice giver but he’ll help you in his own way.

• Demons aren’t used to comforting others after all so he needs to ease up to it.

• Proceeds to ask you what he can do to make you feel better!

• You cry frequently and it honestly concerns him.

• Once you finally tell him you’re just sensitive and that you cry over things easily he’ll understand.

• Lays down with you and holds you firmly against his chest as you cry your little heart out.

• Forehead kisses too.

• Akaza is a gentleman! Would so cook your favorite meals whenever you’re having a bad day.

• He isn’t toxic in any way. Just his only red flag is probably being too overprotective? (If you could even call that a red flag)

Sekido

• Let’s be completely honest.

• Sekido is going to be aggravated over the fact you’re a crybaby.

• He’ll be passive aggressive towards you.

• Not because he hates you, or because he’s mad at you. This is all just a cover up because he legitimately has no clue how to help you or comfort you.

• He’s very uneducated and inexperienced when it comes to this kind of situation.

• Sekido just grows more angered with myself that he doesn’t know how to help you. Instead of communicating with you about it he just takes his frustrations out on you.

• This makes you even more upset and only turns you into a bigger of a crybaby.

• Sekido secretly feels horrible.

• Eventually he mans up and apologizes stubbornly. Admits that he’s not used to comforting others and isn’t a fan of crying.

• Of course you forgive him because you know how he is. You know that he didn’t mean it.

• Sekido is not exactly uncomfortable around those who are sensitive. I mean, he deals with Aizetsu so he’s used to it.

• Sekido isn’t just used to comforting others.

• In fact, he’s HORRIBLE at it.

• The best you’ll get is cuddles (if you’re lucky)

• Then again, he ain’t used to this 😔😔

• Fortunately for you, Sekido will do his best to try and appear less intimidating around you.

• Lowers the volume of his booming voice for you and attempts to act more soothing around your presence.

• See? he does care. Just is not ideal at showing it.

• Like the other demons if anyone made you cry Sekido will definitely take care of them for you!

Karaku

• THIS MAN ADORES YOU! (in a peculiar way..)

• The second he sees you a crying mess he’s scooping you up into his arms and cradling you.

• He’ll lay down with you and allow you to lay your head on his chest as you cry.

• Karaku will understand if you’re upset over something that actually makes sense but if it’s something tiny he’s like; ???

• Teases you about it:(

• Similar to Douma, he gets off by how you rely on him when you’re an emotional wreck.

• Sometimes Karaku will purposely make you cry because he’s lowkey a sadist.

• Karaku has that little secret smirk on his face whenever you start babbling about whatever it is upset you.

• Just shushes you as your babbling continues.

• First, he will comfort you before gladly executing the asshole who hurt your fragile little heart.

• “Awhh! It’s okay darlin’ you don’t have to worry about them anymore!!”

• Once he debated on whether or not he should tell you that he kills whoever upset you.

• Unlike the other uppermoons for some reason he doesn’t tell you that he killed the person who made you cry.

• Karaku doesn’t say anything in hidden fear that he’ll scare you more or make you cry again.

• Don’t get me wrong, loves comforting you, loves how you need him, but he also hates seeing you cry.

• Always wants you to feel satisfied and happy!

• Karaku will do ANYTHING in his power to get your tears to stop.

• Offers you sex to help you feel better 💀 (bros a hypersexual)

• However, if he’s having a bad day then he might not be the best at comfort. But if he’s not having a bad or unusual day then he dedicates all his time to you and you alone!

Aizetsu

• Aizetsu understands you more than anyone else.

• He also has the strong tendency to be a crybaby himself.

• At first, Aizetsu will he too shy to comfort you.

• This is is mostly because he is afraid he might do something wrong.

• But eventually he gets over it.

• Aizetsu feels bad for you and would hate to leave you alone.

• He does what you do to comfort him whenever he’s upset.

• Like you, small things will trigger his emotions.

• So he relates to you in a way.

• Aizetsu adores you and loves you so much!

• Will give you all the attention and comfort you need.

• Aizetsu will even ditch missions just to take care of you. He’d hate to leave you alone.

• You’re always there for him whenever he’s feeling down so of course he’s going to do the same for you!

• He desperately wants to hurt whoever made you cry

• Unlike the others, Aizetsu will listen to you and not murder who hurt you if you protest against it. He respects you and doesn’t want you to feel even more hurt.

• Y’all are both big crybabies together.

• Crying sessions? yes. 100%.

• Aizetsu will hold you and play with your hair while whispering sweet nothings into your ear to soothe your nerves.

• Literally on the verge of tears whenever he sees you cry:(

• He isn’t a big fan of seeing you upset so he’ll do anything to make his precious S/O smile!

• “You don’t know how much your smile means to me..”

Urogi

• HATES seeing you cry.

• Becomes veryyyy overprotective.

• But not to worry! He will never judge you.

• Might tease you a TINY bit though.

• Okay, i’m bluffing, he’ll tease you A LOT. not as much as Douma and Karaku though.

• Urogi will only really tease you when you’re crying over something small.

• Knows when something is up or when you’re holding back tears. It’s pretty damn obvious no there’s no need to lie to him.

• As i said before, Urogi won’t ever judge you!

• The moment you begin to break down you’re scooped up into his arms

• “Hey, hey, hey! what’s the matter, sweetheart?”

• Will pressure you into telling him what’s wrong.

• Isn’t too thrilled when he realizes how downright negative you are.

• Probably forces you to smile, he’ll gently use his talons to force your lips into a smiling while chuckling at you. (Tries not to accidentally cut you in the process)

• Gives you reassurance that he’s here for you and there is no need to feel upset!!

• Is more than happy to kill the unworthy bastard who made you dry.

• I feel like Urogi would just take you flying somewhere to get some fresh hair. That’ll help, right?!

• The type to wrap his wings around you. His wings are quite big so he loves seeing how tiny you look in them.

• Tickle fights? yes! definitely! Wants to see a real smile so this menace will begin ticking you out of no where until you’re a giggling mess.

• Urogi is the talkative type so he will keep talking to you in hopes that’ll calm you down/distract you at least.

That’s about all! I apologize if some of them are shorter than the others. Thank you for sending in this request! i’m working on more at the moment so my apologies if it takes me awhile to post.

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trashpandato · 7 months

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Romance

Earth customs are weird.

Kara knows this; has known it for many years. And sure, she’s spent all those years trying to learn, trying to understand what makes humans tick so she could mimic it successfully enough to not stand out.

“Fake it til you make it”, Alex used to say, implying that if Kara spent enough time pretending, human behaviour would eventually become second nature to her.

And fake it she did. Some Earth customs were easy enough to adopt. Like wide smiles that cover up her pain, the concept of comfort foods or all-you-can-eat buffets, or even humans’ tendency to find excuses to turn any random day into some kind of celebration - Hump Day, Tax Deadline Day, Polar Bear Plunge Day, National Frozen Yogurt Day. (She’s half-convinced that most of these are inventions by Alex to confuse her, but she celebrates National Gummy Worm Day on July 15th anyway.)

But if she’s honest, a lot of the things that humans do, their customs, their rituals, still seem a little strange to Kara. Even after years of trying to understand.

Chatting up strangers, for example. On Krypton, interactions with someone not known to a person would have required some sort of intermediary, an introduction through a trusted person. If Kara had even dared to walk up to a stranger to talk to them, she would have faced discipline not just from her family but also from the broader community. When she first landed on Earth, she relied on Eliza or Alex to make introductions and felt intensely uncomfortable when kids at school would randomly talk to her. It took her a long time to believably mimic these kinds of human interactions, and if she’s honest, she still prefers an official introduction over just chatting up people out of the blue. (It’s why she was happy to tag along with Clark for her first encounter with Lena.)

Or there’s the act of blowing out candles on a birthday cake. Extinguishing light instead of keeping it burning as a means of celebration. The first time Eliza prompted Kara to blow out her candles, Kara was horrified and it took a lot of gentle reassurances from her adoptive mother to even consider partaking in this peculiar human tradition. To this day, Kara prefers her candles away from her cake and to leave them burning for as long as safely possible.

And then there are all the gestures associated with romance. With Krypton’s system of arranged pairings based on compatibility across a number of important factors, there was no need to wine and dine anyone. She could remember her parents showing affection for each other, but there was never any ritualized approach to romantic moments. Humans, on the other hand, humans have rules about dates, about which flowers are appropriate to give to someone and when, about who pays the bill at the fancy restaurant, about slow-dancing and little gifts and how many feelings to reveal and when.

It’s a lot to keep track of and confusing, and all the romance movies in the world cannot prepare Kara for her first official date with Lena.

She shows up with plumerias, because she knows Lena likes those and she knows, knows, that she’s supposed to bring flowers. But then Lena has tears in her eyes as soon as Kara hands them over, and she’s also wearing this dress that hugs her body in ways that make Kara’s higher brain function fizzle out. So she doesn’t protest when Lena pulls her inside with her hands fisted into the lapels of Kara’s suit jacket, follows Lena’s lead when she pushes her against the kitchen island and kisses her senseless, and finds herself naked and sweaty in Lena’s bed not long after that.

When Kara’s stomach rumbles a couple of hours later and Lena calls to have some food delivered, Lena chuckles.

“We kind of did this all backwards.”

Kara frowns. “How so?”

“Well,” Lena leans in and presses her lips close to Kara’s ear, making her shiver, “usually, the clothes come off after the fancy dinner.”

“You humans have a lot of rules about romance,” Kara huffs, and Lena laughs.

“I suppose we do. But I’m happy to break every single one of them with you, Kara Zor-El.”

#supercorp #kara x lena #supercorptober2023 #supercorptober

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neptunes-sol-angel · 5 months

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Alright guys! I finally got that tingly feeling that I should do this kind of love reading. I still didn't want to make this a future spouse reading because I honestly overthink the concept, like "um divorces happen!" or some people just don't believe in marriage, but I thought I'd do something adorable and Christmas related. I hope that you guys enjoy!

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Pile One🎄

Their letter to Santa

Dear Santa, For so long I've been in the darkness, alone with the glass pieces of my heart, thinking that it's better this way for me to be on own. I don't believe in fairy tales anymore and my ability to imagine a world where I can be in love with someone and in that same way be loved back. My mind is splintered to where I flinch the minute someone to me gets close or when they mention a promise, that I without a doubt know they won't keep. Socially, I feel numb, meeting allegedly new people, seems to be a broken record in different physiques. If you could grant me any present in the world, would you change my definition of what I know to be love? Falling away from the stranger(s) that used to be who I knew from head to toe, has damaged my beliefs that I'm worthy of something more. And should you succeed in bringing my love, may they be my most divine contradiction in my life. My love will be someone new, yet possess familiarty in which I'll take pleasure in spending the rest of my lifetime finding all of the ways that we just understand each other. The sound of their voice and the words that they speak will be the fire that warms instead of scorching me. They'll be my rock that I won't have to tip toe around. Right now, I ask for their forgiveness for the person that I am right now, but for every tear that I currently shed to release the pain of my troubles in romance, builds my strength to be the person that really loves again, and the confidence to give my all despite my mistakes in giving it to the wrong people. Don't let my reserved aura fool you, deep down, I'm a hopeless romantic, that will work hard to find any and every single way to give you the world to prove the depth of my feelings for you. The same way that I'm learning my lessons, you are too, we both share that agony of why this has to hurt so much, but it's the bitter that goes along with the sweet to lead us to each other in the end.

Your Christmas Traditions:

Life with your partner could already be luxurious, meaning they gift you with presents on a regular basis that are both as an expression of love and desire to get the things that you want, so Christmas, traditionally, will feel like a normal day. What makes it stand out to you guys as a couple is how you guys seem to always unlock a new level of intimacy around this time of the year. For you or them, Christmas could make some not so good feelings resurface and put someone in a mood. Whatever that may trigger this, it usually leads to a peaceful resolution that doesn't just prolong the tension for another day. It's like getting to the root of the issue that'll eventually lead you and your partner to a place of comfort, understanding, and confirmation that this relationship isn't based on surface level things.

Pile Two 🎄

Their Letter to Santa:

Dear Santa, There's this ethereal figure in my dreams that I keep seeing. Without a doubt, I know that this is my person. And maybe it's not realistic to ask for you to make the time go faster for us to encounter each other in real life, but I really want answers, I'm craving to know this person. Their face alone, is enough to put me into hypnosis. Not knowing what their voice sounds like, ignites my obsession. I've never been a believer of the supernatural, or even a big fan of religion, but this sensation of the person of my dreams that makes me desire to stay asleep, has to be an indication that we're spiritually connected. I know this person doesn't say a word in both their presence of visions in day and night, but I have this clawing feeling that you're what home feels like. To the lover of my fantasies, I know you spiritually, but emotionally, with you, I'll finally have someone that doesn't think my expression of feeling is a foreign language. I could talk to you for hours without getting bored and your nature in every capacity makes me feel that you're out of this world with a love that I'm determined to study and reciprocate. I'm already amazed by how gorgeous you are but indubitably I know I'll be stunned everytime I'm by your side watching you prove to me that magic on Earth is real. You're the breathing proof of it and I can't help but be adored by you and the way that you perceive making the most out of the challenges that you face and conquer.

Your Christmas Traditions:

You and your life partner BREATHE for Christmas. Valentine's day may be special but Christmas is the time that you guys will be all over each other. You guys could go all out this holiday, by buying and wearing matching pajamas, playing board games with each other, watching marathons of Christmas themed movies, maybe you guys have a specific drink like hot chocolate, egg nog, or cookies that you love to stock up on. You guys could also be the type to take a vacation around this time by renting out a cabin, or taking a trip to Disney World. This is normal for you guys and you aren't aware of this jubilant vibe that you have together but it makes others wanting to share the joy you have. Your public presence as a couple during Christmas is the type that will make a person want to use you guys as their mood board or inspiration to daydream about the love that that they'd kill to have. You guys are the power couple in terms of playfulness, affection, and how unique you guys embody your partnership. You could also experience people asking you for advice for how to liven up their own relationships. You guys are just that cute with each other.

Pile Three 🎄

Their Letter to Santa:

Dear Santa, I have a good feeling that the person that I will view as my everything is currently contemplating if there's something that they should change about themselves, but do me this favor homie and give my sweet firecracker this message. You. Yeah you. You know who you are. You are a boss! Walking royalty in this world that's meant to take up space, of course there are gonna be some jerks that want to dim your light, but the people who can't handle how bona-fide and wealthy your aura is, are people who are uncomfortable with the fact that they don't possess the tools to handle the blessing that you are. You were never asking for too much and don't let the grinch or scrooge convince you that you aren't enough. Believe me, I wish that fate would allow me to show up in your life right now, but you're meant to learn how precious your attributes you are. You're a damsel that can save yourself, who is meant to climb into power and achieve many things. I'm currently healing my tendencies of being codependent so that I don't distract you from your prosperity or project my insecurities onto you and make you think that it's you, it's not. Be patient, but don't get rid of how bold you are love or choose sides in how you're capable of being silly and someone with authority. Your strength isn't in your silence, but in your intelligence and maturity to express to others your feelings and what your needs are. You'll always be on top, even on days where you feel like you're at rock bottom. Keep pushing, things will make sense soon. You won't just find me in your happily ever after, you'll find your soul tribe too. And we will ALL match your energy. Trust me. Everything that you think is complicated about you is why we're grateful for you.

Your Christmas Traditions:

You and your life partner share a common tragedy and belief. You guys may have experienced toxicity in your family that inspires the both of you to do things differently with your own family. Christmas time is pivotal for you as a couple, because it influences you to reflect but also to take action on how well you guys do as a household. Your Christmas Traditions could be about trying your best to make sure that there's peace, openess, but most importantly your presence if guys have children together. You could go all out with making sure that they have the best presents, that they have the best indication that they're safe with you guys as parents, and that you make the most pleasant and fun memories that will symbolize how much that not just you and your life partner love each other but making sure that your children know how much they're loved by you.

#divination #intuitive #psychic #pick a card #tarot #spirituality #pac #tarotblr #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pick a picture #the tarot community #tarot community #love #love reading #love readings #christmas #🎄: 25 days of neptunes sol angel #day eight? i lost track omg

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 6 months

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Note: requested by anon. I am afraid it is not exactly what you hoped for, but this is what felt right to me for this story. I hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: mention of slavery, scars, hints to past (sexual) abuse (no details).

pairing: Sihtric x you (f)

summary: Sihtric wants to earn your trust.

wordcount: 4,1k

Masterlist

'Why are you being nice?'

Every time you closed your eyes to find a little rest, you were back on the ship with your brother, Finan. Back on the big, horrible, stinking, slippery, old slave ship. The scars on your back a permanent reminder of the suffering you endured. Your brother truly tried to keep you as safe as possible, along with Uhtred, another man on the ship, but even they couldn't always protect you.

It has not been that long since you all were rescued by Uhtred's men, a true blessing. And since your brother decided to stay loyal to the half Saxon, half Dane, you stuck around too. It was hard to try and live your own life again. You carried far more scars than those visible to others, and you didn't trust anyone apart from your brother and Uhtred. All you did was hide in the little hut that you had been provided with. You never showed yourself amongst the others and had your brother help you out whenever you needed something.

'You have to start living again, little sister,' Finan said one day, while he checked up on you, 'you can't always keep hiding. I promise you, not everyone out there is a bad person. Uhtred's men are trustworthy, you can safely eat with us all or join us for a drink in the alehouse sometimes.'

You shuddered at the thought of being surrounded by so many men, drunk men nonetheless, so you thankfully declined.

'It is not healthy to isolate yourself,' your older brother warned, 'you've suffered enough. Know that we are here to help you to find yourself back again.'

'I don't know who I am anymore,' you whispered bitterly.

And it was true. You remember who you once were, though. A fun, outgoing young lady who loved the attention of men and the taste of ale. You had a craving for adventure, and more than once you'd been in trouble with your brother, after being caught doing this you shouldn't. But that wasn't you anymore. Not after the ship. Not after strange men had touched you and whipped you when you refused to please them.

But deep in your heart, you knew that your brother was right. You couldn't always live completely secluded, even if you wanted to. Whenever people would see you in town, many stare at you, knowing you are "that slave girl, with the brother". And they know you rarely showed your face.

Weeks passed since you were rescued, but the nightmares continued. You realised in order to create new memories, which would eventually replace the bad ones, you had to get amongst people again. And so you finally decided to somewhat join Uhtred, Finan and the rest of the men from a safe distance. They all ate around a campfire, while you sat separated from them.

You watched them with big, cautious eyes, and flinched at every sudden movement or whenever someone raised their voice for some harmless banter. You admit the distant company lifted your spirits slightly, but you felt uneasy when you noticed one particular young man of Uhtred's crew kept gazing at you. He was a handsome young man, you could not deny that, and if you had encountered him before your life on the ship, you undoubtedly would have tried your chances with him. But instead of giving him a sweet smile or an innocent bat of your eyelashes, you shrunk and averted your eyes when the young man got up and slowly walked over to you. You swallowed hard when he closed in, and when you cautiously backed away, he stopped walking. He held his hands up carefully, showing he did not mean any harm. But regardless of his intentions, you got up on your feet and quickly moved back into your hut, and you closed the door behind you.

This continued for weeks on end. You joined the men from a safe distance, knowing your brother and Uhtred kept an eye out on you, and you quietly ate your dinner. You soon found out the handsome young man, who also kept his eyes on you, was a Dane called Sihtric. Finan had told you that he was a loyal warrior who also had a rough past, in his own way.

'You can trust him,' Finan said as he handed you some porridge.

'What does he want from me?' you asked before you walked back to your regular spot, away from the group, 'he keeps looking at me, why?'

'Aye,' Finan snickered and then winked, 'I think he likes you.'

You grimaced with a blush on your cheeks and turned on your heels, back to your safe spot. And it didn't take long before you felt Sihtric's eyes on you again. But before Sihtric could make another attempt to approach you, you had already shoved your food down your throat and made haste to get back into your hut again.

And Sihtric watched with sad eyes how you disappeared into your safe haven. He didn't know what to do. He was already thankful Finan had told him your name, and what a beautiful name it was, he thought. Sihtric understood it would take time before you'd even allow him to get close, and even longer before you'd talk to him. But this had already been going on for weeks, and Sihtric felt hopeless when he saw you leave without a single word again. He was so intrigued by you and, dare he say, even in love with you, despite never having exchanged a single word. He never had he seen someone who possessed such beauty like you, but he had also never seen anyone whose eyes were as empty as yours. He was desperate to get to know you ever since he first laid eyes on you, and he felt an overwhelming urge to protect you as well.

And the next day, when you joined the men again from your safe distance, Sihtric grabbed the bowl of food that Finan filled for you out of his hands, and he walked up to you. You stared at the approaching Dane with big eyes, and you felt a rush of heat shoot through your body. Before the handsome man could tower over you and possibly intimidate you, he crouched down and kept some distance for a moment.

'Hi,' he said, then smiled shyly.

You found his voice to be pleasantly soft and warm, and the blush on his cheeks was rather adorable too. But you didn't respond with words, and he figured you weren't planning on either.

'My name is Sihtric,' he continued when you kept staring at him, 'I- I'm part of Lord Uhtred's-'

'I know who you are,' you cut him off with a whisper.

'Oh,' Sihtric breathed and averted his eyes, feeling embarrassed.

A somewhat awkward silence lingered. Until he looked up at you again and held out the bowl with porridge to you, and you flinched to his sudden movement.

'I'm sorry,' he said immediately and froze up, 'I mean no harm. I only wish to bring your food.'

'I don't want your food,' you said, suddenly feeling resentment towards him, and any other man you could think of, except for your brother.

You knocked the bowl out of Sihtric's hands and ran back to your hut, leaving the Dane behind feeling bewildered and defeated. He grabbed the now empty bowl off the ground and sulked back to the campfire, to the rest of the men, where he sat down.

'Don't worry,' Finan said to Sihtric, who had seen what happened, 'it's nothing personal.'

'I know,' Sihtric sighed, 'I'm only concerned because she has to eat.'

Finan agreed and said that you would probably come back in an hour or so, when everyone else had left. It wouldn't be the first time you'd eat whatever was left in the pot above the smouldering fire, when no one else was around anymore.

And Sihtric was determined to wait for you.

You peeked through your little window and cursed internally. You were starving, and all the men had left the campfire by now, except for the curious Dane. You contemplated going to bed with an empty stomach, but then you remembered you promised yourself to never do that again after the ship, where you had learned the true meaning of feeling starved.

Reluctantly, you quietly opened your door and tiptoed outside, towards the small fire, hoping to find some leftover food still. Whether the food was warm or cold wasn't any of your concern, you weren't a picky eater anymore.

Sihtric watched you approach and he slowly perked up. You kept your eyes on him while he tracked your movements all the same as you closed in on the cooking pot. And when he saw your eyes widen in surprise, finding the pot completely empty, he cleared his throat.

'I saved you some food,' Sihtric said, and when you met his eyes, he held out a full bowl of stew to you.

He expected you to ignore his gesture again, like earlier, and you definitely contemplated running home again, but you were so hungry it was almost painful to your empty stomach. Very slowly you neared Sihtric, who kept his arm stretched out to you, offering the food. You cautiously took the bowl and sat down several paces away from him.

'Thank you,' you mumbled and devoured the still pleasantly warm food.

'You're welcome, my lady,' Sihtric smiled friendly.

'My lady,' you scoffed with a full mouth.

Sihtric gave you a questioning look.

'I mean no offence, lady.'

'Why are you being nice?' you suddenly snapped.

The Dane was caught by surprise and wasn't sure what to answer. He couldn't possibly admit he thought you were the most beautiful lady he had ever seen. He couldn't confess that his thoughts often wandered to you at night when he was alone, in his bed. He couldn't just tell you how he ached to hold you in his arms and kiss away your trouble, for he was still just a stranger to you.

'I… I just want to get to know you,' Sihtric eventually said, which wasn't a lie either, 'I get along well with your brother, and he has told me things about you-'

'He told you things about me?' you furrowed your brow.

'Yes,' Sihtric continued to run his mouth, 'I just wish to… maybe I- I could… look after you.'

You stared at Sihtric. One part of you wanted to get angry, perhaps that was the old you. Because how dare a man think he has to look after you. But the current you, the fragile, scared and hurt you, was somehow moved upon hearing these words. After everything you have endured on the ship by the hands of men, here you had a young man in front of you who had made sure there was some food left for you, and just merely wished to look after you. Perhaps he wanted something in return eventually, you knew the possibility was there, and yet you weren't appalled. But you were still unsure how to react, so you didn't respond.

You finished your food in silence, then thanked him with a faint smile and quickly found your way back to your hut again, while you left Sihtric behind feeling like that happiest man alive, as he had finally made some progress.

The following weeks your short encounters with Sihtric continued to occur. Sihtric would eat and make sure he held enough food back for you, while you would wait until all the other men had left the campfire. And every day Sihtric would wait for you.

Slowly but surely Sihtric noticed you'd come closer. Where you backed away immediately the first days, you now sat barely an arm's length away from him. And as time progressed, you also started to exchange more words, and you couldn't deny you loved the Dane's little jokes he occasionally made.

You felt at ease with Sihtric, you realised. He didn't put any pressure on you. On the days you wanted to talk, he happily listened. On the days you didn't want to talk, but wished to be distracted from your thoughts, he would gladly tell you some stories. And on the days you just wanted to sit in silence, Sihtric was quiet while keeping his eyes on you.

And on those days he often felt hopeless, as he saw the pain and lingering fear in your eyes that you had taken with you from the ship. And he wanted to take it away for you. He wanted to take all your pain and worries and fears, he would endure it all for you if it meant you would finally feel happy again. But he didn't know how. Until one evening, when you had been quiet again and a tear rolled down your cheek, Sihtric carefully reached out for your hand. And you didn't pull away. Instead, you allowed his hesitant, gentle touch. And you sat in silence, holding hands, until you returned to your hut again, alone.

Sihtric continued to hold your hand on your quiet days. And as more time progressed, he also started to reach out for your hand on the days you were more talkative, and on the days you simply wanted to hear him speak. And sometimes, very rarely, when your emotions overwhelmed you and you couldn't bring yourself to leave your home, Sihtric would just leave the food at your door, hoping to see you the next evening again.

Eventually, you grew fond of his touch, his company and his kind gestures, and one night you caught yourself wondering what it would feel like to have his arms around you. Little did you know, Sihtric had wondered the same for months already.

And you finally found out what it was like, to be embraced by him, on the night before he had to leave. On the night before your brother would leave, along with Uhtred. Sihtric had told you after you had finished your food that he was to leave with Uhtred, to Dunholm. You knew you wouldn't join the men and had to wait until they returned. At night, you shed a tear for your brother and for Uhtred, as you were worried and frightened for their wellbeing. And for the first time in a very long time, you shed a tear for a man you had grown fond of. You shed a tear for Sihtric, not only because you were worried, but also because you knew you would miss him somehow.

And the nights seemed to last forever after dinner, when you weren't sitting with Sihtric near the fire. You shed tears in the dark, in your bed, because you longed and ached for his touch and the warmth of his arms around you. And each night you dreamt of the last time you had seen him, before he left. You dreamt of the way Sihtric had held you tightly in his arms, then gently cupped your cheek, and had pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

'I will come back, I promise,' Sihtric had whispered.

And yet you feared you would never see him again, as the seasons passed, and you only received news of your brother and Uhtred, but no one shared word of Sihtric.

8 months later.

It was already late when you heard commotion outside your hut, but you couldn't be bothered to take a look. It was one of those days on which you were a little overwhelmed by your past again, although today was better than yesterday. Moments after the cheering you had just heard outside, you were startled by a sudden knock on your door. You peeked carefully through your curtain, and saw the back of a man as he turned to look over his shoulder. You frowned, not recognizing the dark, short haired man who was lit up by the moonlight, and you crouched back to your bed. You weren't in the mood for any visitors this late, especially not any male visitor you didn't seem to know.

But the stranger at your door was eager to receive an answer, so he kept knocking.

'I know you're here. It's me,' he said, 'it's… it's Sihtric.'

You perked up in bed.

'Sihtric?' you gasped, jumped out of bed and ran to the door.

You opened the door with haste, but your smile faded when you laid eyes upon… Sihtric? The Dane noticed your confused face and he chuckled nervously, while clutching a bouquet of white flowers in his hand.

'I- I know. I look different, huh?' he said, pointing at his new haircut.

You stared at him with big eyes. You recognized him again, even though his hair was short and freshly shaved at the sides, and he looked more mature than the last time you had seen him. The tattoo on his neck was clearly visible now, and you noticed it ran up the side of his head. He looked different and yet the same, except he carried himself with more confidence now, and you wondered what had happened to him during those months he was away from you. And Sihtric gazed at you with big eyes too, almost forgetting how to breathe, and then he remembered the flowers.

'Here,' he smiled, holding the bouquet out to you, 'I bought you flowers. I- I hope you like them.'

'Oh,' you breathed, and your cheeks warmed up when your fingers lightly touched his hand as you accepted the flowers, 'thank you,' you smiled, 'd-do you want to come in?' you asked shyly.

Not long after Sihtric set foot in your modest hut, you felt his strong arms around you and fell into his warm embrace. You held each other for what seemed like hours, sitting in front of your fireplace, talking about everything that had happened the last eight months. Sihtric was surprised how open you had become, but he didn't know you only opened up to him, and still avoided others as much as possible.

It wasn't easy for you, and it took you months to finally trust the Dane, which you had only realised when he was gone. You had missed him so much it became painful, and you swore that if he would ever return again, you wouldn't waste any more time and stop closing yourself off from him. You had realised you needed him. And if you were completely honest, you even wanted him.

'I'm happy you are here again,' you confessed after a while, his arms still around you.

'And I'm happy you are still here,' Sihtric smiled, 'my lady.'

'My lady,' you mumbled with a chuckle.

Sihtric hummed softly and squeezed you in his arms.

'I… have missed you,' he whispered, 'not a day went by I didn't think about you. Or worry about you-'

'Why did you not write me?'

'I, eh…' Sihtric chuckled shyly, 'I can't read or write. And I didn't want your brother to, you know… I didn't want him to know how much y- you are on my mind.'

'I understand,' you smiled and looked up at him.

'I'm sorry,' he said, 'don't think I forgot, or that I did not want to write. I would have written you countless letters if I could,' he smiled as he looked down into your eyes.

'Sihtric,' you breathed, eyes darting between his mismatched pair and his lips, 'kiss me,' you suddenly blurted out.

Sihtric opened his mouth to speak, surprise on his face, but then he cupped your cheeks gently, and softly pressed his lips onto yours. You froze at the feeling for a moment, a feeling you used to love but became unfamiliar overtime. And Sihtric broke the kiss when he sensed your tension.

'If… if it's too much-'

'No,' you whispered, 'please…'

You stared at him, and soon, his lips crashed back onto yours, capturing you in a slow, firm kiss, which gradually became more passionate and heated as the seconds passed. Sihtric's soft hums and moans against your lips made your head spin, and you didn't realise you had longed for his touch this desperately until you felt his hands slide down from your neck to your waist.

Without his lips leaving yours, he laid down on the furs in front of the fire while he carefully pulled you on top of him. His big, warm hands moved further down your body, and he slowly snuck his hands under your dress, moving up your thighs while softly squeezing your smooth, warm skin. After a while, you sat back up, pulling Sihtric with you, taking his face in your hands while your tongues met in another breathless kiss. It was only when Sihtric brought his hands up to your shoulders, to push your dress down, that you froze when you felt his rough fingertips touch the scars on your back.

You abruptly broke the kiss and backed away, pulling your dress up again.

'I- I'm sorry,' Sihtric said, bewildered, thinking he had startled you by possibly moving too fast for your liking, 'was I t-too much?'

'No,' you said, not daring to look into his eyes, 'it's just my… my scars,' you whispered, 'I'm afraid you will be… disgusted.'

Sihtric frowned, then reached out and took your hand.

'You think your scars will disgust me?'

You nodded, still avoiding his eyes. Sihtric looked at you for a moment, then got up and started to untie his leather belt. As the leather fell on the floor with a thump, you looked up, only to see him take off his tunic, leaving him in nothing but his breeches. You were taken aback by his physique, and a blush coloured your cheeks.

'My lady,' Sihtric said softly and sat down in front of you again. He took your hand and placed your palm on his scarred torso. 'I am not bothered by your scars,' he whispered, slowly moving your hand up to his shoulder, allowing you to feel the scars that reached up his back, before he turned to show you the permanent reminders of his past he carried with him.

'Sihtric,' you gasped softly, tears crept up in your eyes as you studied his damaged skin.

Scarred, yet still beautiful, you thought.

'Your scars do not make you any less perfect to me,' he said, as if he could sense your thoughts, 'and I wish to see them.'

Sihtric moved to sit behind you, brought his hands up to your shoulders again, and waited for your permission. After you had given him a shy nod, by glancing back over your shoulder, he carefully pushed your dress down your arms, exposing your bare skin to him. He gently traced your scars with his fingertips, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. Then, unexpectedly, you felt his lips on your previously broken flesh. One kiss first, then another, and you closed your eyes when you felt his hands on your arms, while he left soft, open mouthed kisses all over your back, adoring each and every healed scar you earned on that ship.

'I want to take away your pain,' Sihtric whispered in your ear, after he had pulled you back against his chest, his fingertips tracing mindless figures on your bare arms.

'I want to make you forget everything that happened to you there,' he breathed, lips grazing your ear and neck, 'I want to love you, I want to make you mine,' he pushed your dress down to your hips as you sat on the warm fur, and he wrapped his arms around you, 'I want you to be mine.'

'I want to be yours,' you whispered and sniffled softly, finally feeling safe and loved again after so many seasons of pain, fear and loneliness.

'I promise to keep you safe,' Sihtric whispered as he moved to face you, and cupped your cheeks, 'I promise no one will ever lay a finger on you again,' he said as he looked into your eyes, 'I promise I will love you, and only you, my lady,' he chuckled softly when you made a face to his last words, 'I want you to be my lady,' he smiled, 'I will protect you with my life, I promise, if you will allow me that is.'

'I allow you,' you whispered, moving your hands up into his short, soft hair, pulling him closer to kiss his lips again. 'You're all I could think about,' you confessed, 'every day, every night…'

'As were you,' Sihtric said, undoing the remaining clothes you were both still wearing, 'as were you, my lady, on my mind daily and nightly.'

'Love me,' you murmured against his skin, as your face was buried in his neck.

'Always,' Sihtric promised, and positioned his body in between your thighs, pulling a warm fur over both your bare, scarred bodies, 'I will always love you,' he said, and then finally made love to you.

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylasthegrim @andakth @chompchompluke @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx @diosademuerte @elle4404 @alexagirlie @sweetxime @solango @gemini-mama @cheyennep3107 @little-diable @jennifer0305 @drwstarkeyy @mrsarnasdelicious @verenahx @urmomsgirlfriend1 @moonchildrenandflowercrowns @foxyanon @djarinsgirl27

#sihtric x reader #sihtric x you #sihtric kjartansson #the last kingdom #sihtric #tlk #the last kingdom fic #sihtric fic

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heyimdove · 5 months

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Things of Note at @neil-gaiman ‘s NJPAC talk:

1. Do you people understand that he switches into accents when he reads? Do you people know he does a perfect Michael Sheen impression? did you know it’s also hot

2. He used to cold call publishers/mags to see if they’d publish his work. He’d lie when asked what other magazines he wrote for; they’d think he was more legitimate and would, therefore, be more likely to take him on themselves. “You couldn’t get away with that now” thanks to Google. Also, back then, “we had telephones and we used them,” but today’s publishers would not easily recover if you unexpectedly called them on the phone.

3. It was a personal point of pride for Neil to write for each of the magazines he’d claimed to have written for. He said “I didn’t lie. I was chronologically challenged.”

4. Neil made a deliberate effort to not be boxed in by publishers. He’d interviewed many authors who were unhappily boxed and did everything he could to avoid it, including declining big contracts from prestigious publishers (notably after American Gods). This is why he can write what he likes now. Comics writing spoiled him in this regard, as publishers mistook the medium for a genre, and therefore didn’t care what he wrote (so he wrote all the genres he wanted to in Sandman).

5. He hates Thomas Hardy thanks to being introduced to him in school. Regarding being forced to read Tess of the D’urbervilles, he said “I wouldn’t do that to a dog”. He hopes students, who might have liked him if they found him on their own, don’t encounter his work in school and hate him for it.

6. “The evil characters (you write) don’t possess you, you try to find the little bit of you in them….the little bit of you that is gloriously evil.”

7. “I touched the magic and passed it along” this was a line from Watching from the Shadows that especially moved me.

8. Terry was increasingly upset as the bidding on Good Omens increased (eventually reaching 150,000 - can’t remember if he said $ or £). For his part, when the book finally sold, Neil put on Iggy Pop’s Success and danced.

9. Anansi Boys should be out on Prime by the end of 2024!

10. Described Sandalphon as someone you want to “hit with a large oar”. (The woman next to me, who was extremely stingy with her applause, hooted like an owl at this and clapped til the last).

11. Pronounces Amazon as “Ama-zin” and Los Angeles as “Los Angelese”. This isn’t noteworthy, but I liked it enough to write it down.

12. “Being on a beach in bare feet” was the line that led Neil to realize David Tennant would be perfect for Crowley.

13. He is pictured on the ALA’s poster holding Wind in the Willows because, as a child, “it messed up my head.” He said he is “in love” with a chapter in the middle called The Piper at the Gates of Dawn where the characters meet Pan. It’s often left out of printings, which makes him sad because it is “strange, beautiful, luminous”.

14. TOATEOTL was originally planned to go to Broadway. Then, Covid. They did a “world tour” instead. Now that it’s wrapped, talks about Broadway are happening. He says all of adaptations of his work, this is his favorite.

15. “Disney’s Aladdin plays four times a day in Hell”

16. His favorite question of the night was “WHY did you think of the Other Mother?” He was tickled by the word choice of “why”

17. Asked the library in Sussex “What have you got in the way of really good horror for four year olds?” Obviously none existed so he wrote Coraline.

18. Talked about going viral for being in a falafel, seemed to marvel at the progression of the meme’s meaning.

19. “Tumblr is its own madness”

20. “Stephen King has fabulous stories about meeting fans in toilets, including being passed a book under the stall”

21. Read “The Day the Saucers Came” which I misheard initially as Sauces. Saucers is definitely better.

22. “You want to see me doing Dickens?” I laughed inappropriately at this. I was the only one.

23. I don’t want to say what pieces he read because I want you to buy tickets to his events. But it was very nice to be read to by Neil Gaiman.

It’s very worth it to go. I flew out from San Diego for this and would do it again in a heartbeat!

#neil gaiman

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donnerpartyofone · 9 months

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This has been a really hard one to talk about. I'm always very ambivalent about mourning celebrities. I try to remember that I don't know these people, that what is really mourned by most of us is the person's ongoing work, which in the best cases has helped us understand ourselves and the world in which we live. Unavoidably, though, you can start to develop the sense that you know these people personally, which isn't true or even appropriate necessarily, I mean you have no idea whether you would even like someone you've only seen on a screen or received an autograph from; but at the same time, I don't know if you can really force yourself not to feel like the deceased celebrity is a dear friend you will never get to talk to again (the last time I tried and failed was the passing of Lux Interior). Maybe this is more forgivable, and also more inevitable, if you feel like you grew up with the person.

Of course this is all about ME now, but my mother (who also died from cancer) was an extremely hip, brilliant, funny individual who for whatever reason refused to form a relationship with me. This was pretty strange, because we liked a lot of the same things--B movies, old comics, all types of camp and kitsch--but when I liked those things, it was in poor taste and punishable by exile, whereas when she liked those things, it was evidence of her cultural genius. Before I make anybody too mad I should say that I'm being a little bit unfairly reductive just so I can get to the point, which is that one of the few things we could share was Pee-Wee's Playhouse. I didn't know anything about the show's more adult origins or the fact that Paul Reubens was sort of a performance artist, but I didn't have to. Pee-Wee's Playhouse was a feast for any child's senses: stylish, hilarious, and on some subliminal level, really sophisticated. I was clued into some of what was going on just because I watched it with my mom, who always laughed at Pee-Wee's winks and nudges to the hep parents in the audience. The show might have been my first encounter with the kind of anthropological humor favored by people like David Byrne and Laurie Anderson, artists who engage subversively with cliches, stereotypes, and other memetic parts of popular culture. In Pee-Wee's Playhouse, with its sharp, edgy cast and crew, kids like me were getting into fine art without even knowing it--which is possibly the best way to learn about art anyway.

In fact, on the other side of our house, I became obsessed with Gary Panter's incredible punk opus Jimbo In Paradise, a Dantesque comic book about an innocent young guy living in a dystopian future, where he is occasionally joined by guest stars such as Nancy and Hedorah. I was about 7 when I started reading Jimbo over and over again even though I could barely understand it, and I had no idea that Gary had pretty much designed Pee-Wee's Playhouse. I'm speaking about him so familiarly because I got to know him a little bit as a grownup. I remember Gary talking about how private Paul Reubens could be. He used to do this thing where he would accept a dinner invitation from anybody who asked, as sort of a stunt, but he had to stop doing it because people became so intrusive and entitled with him. Gary said that they'd be walking around in New York and when they saw an obvious Pee-Wee fan gearing up for an offensive, Paul Reubens would sort of transform into this totally different person, putting out an aura that let you know not to fuck with him. It's crazy-making to think that someone who was so protective of the boundary between his private and public selves had to suffer that ridiculous arrest, but it's heartening that most of society eventually grew the fuck up and forgot about it. It's also helpful to remember when he turned up later on the MTV Music Video Awards and started off by asking the audience, "HEARD ANY GOOD JOKES LATELY??"

I'm glad we got one more Pee-Wee special in the past several years, but I always wished that we would see Paul Reubens in more movies. He was such a cool actor, funny, convincing, and naturally charismatic. While people are cycling through their favorite roles of his, I want to point out that he had a great role on a recent HBO miniseries called Mosaic, an intense, engrossing crime drama that I definitely recommend if you have access. Maybe I'll rewatch it, too. In closing, here's a great story that I grabbed from Facebook that should warm everybody's heart, along with the heartbreaking statement (inappropriately cropped by Instagram of course) released upon the death of the very private Pee-Wee Herman. It makes you wish you could thank him in person, for everything. The best we can do is just remember him.

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eluxcastar · 9 months

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As I opened my tumblr, just to check if there is new Arlecchino stuff to swallow... lo and behold, I saw your post with the Arlecchino simp tags. Shot me the moment I stepped into the door right there, hahaha! May I request an Arlecchino x reader, headcanon or anything you're comfortable coming up with. The reader is thousands of years old, who got disowned by the Tsaritsa because they declined their performance in greatness for someone else's benefit and saw no worth in her/them. Could be a sibling or a friend, the betrayal stung like a bee since she/they saw Tsaritsa as a mother figure or could literally be the mother (Got kunikuzushi'd in a way, minus the puppet part). So, here's the main part - How Arlecchino would handle that person, when they meet in hostile terms. An accidental encounter, had banters and fights and eventually found strange subtle solace from each other. Could be romantic, or just obsession on Arlecchino's part because we love deranged women pls step on me with your sharp heels - anyway, since Arlecchino is interpreted as someone who won't hesitant to betray the Fatui. On her own benefit, works with the reader to mess and interrupt Fatui operations. I won't include more or else you'd be dealing a whole thesis of it. Hahahah! Good day to you~!

One of Repetition

── ୨୧：arlecchino x reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: in a strange decision nobody quite understood but could not contest, you were dismissed from your position by the tsaritsa herself but allowed to live. you wander for some time, lost and confused, and most notably unable to escape the fatui even when you are no longer associated with them, which means an unwanted letter and an even more unwanted visit from the knave.

୨୧﹑genre :: kinda angsty

୨୧﹑content :: fem reader, reader has a pyro vision, arlecchino has a cryo delusion, reader uses a bow, capitano is not human this time, he's just a plot device too, their previous relationship is implied but ambiguous, implied age difference, reader is most often called by the title brighella, writing this spiralled me into insanity, possibly bad writing, not proofread

୨୧﹑words :: 13.6k

hehe, I know that Arlecchino simps flock to me once they learn my requests are open. I have no idea why. maybe they're just especially desperate for food, but they linger, and I have a little collection of anons.

don't worry about how much it'll take me, I honestly enjoy writing longer works. anyway, I received a request similar to this some time ago (was it you? I have encountered that before) but haven't gotten around to completing it, so I'll be partly combining the two

here's the other request:

it's gonna provide some stuff for me to follow, and I remember exactly when I got it, so I wanted to include it for the dear anon who sent it

why brighella you may ask well that's because brighella has been described before as essentially Arlecchino's smarter and more vindictive brother and they compliment each other well. I think Arlecchino may also work for Brighella in some versions?? either way it felt right even though they're not really based off of the character brighella, they do share a few traits with him but not fully it's just a fun little parallel

I really did not expect this to be so long that it literally lagged the writing program I was using to save it and I have been staring at this for so long I literally have no gauge on the quality anymore just that it's variable because it took me so long someone send help

Her words left you exasperated, literally at a loss for words, and you struggled to comprehend the reason for it. There was nothing you could think of, no instance that struck you as prominent. Yet, somehow as one of the Tsaritsa's children, you had become what any parent might refer to simply as a disappointment, their failure—the problem child who never quite ironed out their issues. You had always been faithful to her, hopelessly devoted to the archon and her will. News such as this came out of nowhere and struck you like a hammer to the chest.

Two of her most mighty children were near and dear to her, and now the other had turned against you as he remains loyal to her. The Jester, who you once held in high regard, has turned against you. It is a bitter pill to swallow, for you must now sever ties with the one man you believed was truly deserving of serving the Tsaritsa. Your mother— your world— turns against you with him, before him, leading the way for him.

In vain, you draw your bow to strike an arrow between his eyes, prove your strength and power as above your position, above him, but it means nothing. Your strike is blocked, and the Tsarita's Damselette Columbina moves to detain you. You believe she would not be strong enough, but you don't itch to fight ten other Harbingers. You understand that even you have a limit, and fighting what are supposed to be the strongest people in the country is not a part of that. Your honour is on the line, an honour which would tarnish not only Brighella's name but also have a ripple effect on your soldiers, men and women who fought for you and did not deserve a punishment that would result from their actions.

"Think carefully, Brighella." Columbina's warning is not lost on you, "You could remain as a hero or fight, and I will lure the creature you brought from the abyss and gut him before your eyes."

You do not want that. That creature is not yet loyal to the Tsaritsa but to you, and she will convince him he can save you. He will fall into her trap and die.

You bite your lip, trying to think of a way to escape and capture him so that you can run off somewhere. He does not deserve to die, but you can't think of anything. Not when you know how thorough these people are. There is not a will, really. There is only a has. He has fallen into her trap and is at the mercy of the Damselette. "What if I am to obey?" You finally ask the question you did not want to, surrendering in a way, though the bite has not left your words.

"I'll leave him be." Her answer is swift. She expected that you would eventually give in and only needed to wait for it to happen.

You shake your head, dissatisfied with only that as your compensation. "Not enough."

The smile on her face does not waver, thin and deceitful as ever, eyes hidden and closed, unseen behind the band of lace. "Mm. I can't bargain anything else."

"Have him take my place." You lay your condition out firmly. There is only one to meet, and not a hard one at that. It would be easy to sway him into it, using whatever they plan to do to you as motivation. His loyalty and affection for you would make him accept it.

She ponders the situation and proposal momentarily, powerless to make the executive decision but undoubtedly keen on the thought of it all. "He believes that you are about to fall in battle to a foe and that he is going to save you."

You grit your teeth, knowing that this is her trap. Lure him to a place. It was not what you had expected, but it is no less the Damselette's style of acting. There is always a damsel, but perhaps she recognised that she would not suffice this time. She needed a better damsel for him to save; for that to work, it needed to be you.

She needs your name, reputation, your relationship with your subordinate, melding together with her lies to make for a tale of tragedy with him as the hero.

The thought of him rushing to his death under the guise of saving you spikes your blood cold, chilling you. You're aware of her cruelty and always have been, but to experience it is different than hearing about it from her perspective. You are experiencing it from the perspective of the victim.

His death was another factor to hold over your head, your penance, the anchor to force your compliance. Your blood boils with anger, but you cannot fight. Despite your feelings of anger and frustration, you know that lashing out will only cause further harm and pain.

There is only one thing you can do. You know you must. It's simply that you don't want to.

But...you must.

You must for him, that poor creature you tried to give a home to and who would never be in such a position if not for you and your ambition.

"Then I will fall, and you will use the honour I built into him to persuade him."

It was an honour meant to humanise him in a way, a being only able to imitate humanity. He had a mentor and something to fight for. Now you're imploring that it be used against him to burden him, but he will do well in your position.

Columbina smiles, that thin mocking smile like she knows the secrets of this world and more. "Would he really believe that?"

The helmet. You should use the helmet to your advantage. Your subordinate's first exposure to humanity, being you, a woman in a metal helmet, seemed to last. He used to think that was what humans looked like, and he admitted as much to you as he had asked you to remove it. Your impression left an indelible mark on him that he treasures to this day. Even if he was to see you in the aftermath, he would not uncover the lie.

"He has never seen my face. He would not recognise me."

Columbina accepts that readily, and her eyes open, pools of black and white visible through the cracks in the lace over her eyes. You've seen them before, inky black sclera and inhuman patterns decorating the borders of her irises, but you can't help the unsettled feeling that makes a home for itself in the pit of your stomach.

By the evening, you are stripped of your honours, titles and coat and dumped to the curb like a bag of rubbish somebody left out. There is no more fight, no more bargaining, no more arguing. Everyone has the things they want, for the most part, so you are all satisfied enough to remain amicable with each other. Without a fight, you allow the Jester to remove the fur-lined overcoat despite the cold that rushes over you once it is gone and discarded in a heap of fur and fabric on the floor with none of its previous value.

After that comes the slow, deliberate removal of every trinket that denoted you as you. From your delusion, several gifts to your very insignia, the only thing left of you is a lone pyro vision and the clothes on your back. You've never been more thankful to not wear a standard-issue uniform lest you be made to undress and hand that over too.

That was it. Your everything.

With each piece of regalia taken, a part of yourself disappeared until you were left an empty husk of a person, your entire reason for being for hundreds of years snatched out from under you and spat on.

The Harbingers were supposed to be the children of the Tsaritsa, and this was your grand disowning. A show of power and influence over her closest children and, by extension, the ability to bring pain to her less-- to her followers. It was foolish of you to ever think you were special in her eyes for having been by her side since before the Archon War. What did it matter when she left you amongst the rest of them? The years you spent since you had hobbled into her life so tiny and cute were now reduced to a few personal belongings and a set of words that shattered your world to sharp and dangerous pieces that would only hurt you in your haste to reassemble them and string your life back together.

When you were young, your cuteness may have been your best asset: a small body with endearing quirks, the inability to walk long distances without tumbling. In this state, you required her for everything because you would only find danger in the harsh Snezhnayan winters. To even acquire your own food was unthinkable, so you were sheltered and provided with ample treats that you could nibble from the palm of her hand if that were what you wished. Anything to keep you happy and content.

Like a little trinket, she cradled you for as many years as it took you to grow, and once you were at an age you no longer needed to be cradled, she made you her loyal companion, or so you had believed. You thought her affection for you was unwavering. She was the only mother you had ever known; she is the only mother you will remember for all of eternity.

Although it may have been an exaggeration, watching the sun's gradual descent below the horizon, you could almost believe eternity would quickly prove to be a very real concept. You watch the sky darken in silence for a time. You roam aimlessly around the city, your presence still striking unease in the people from the threatening demeanour you learned to conduct yourself with as a Harbinger, even without your official attire. The only remnant of your former self is a helmet you consistently wore during every public appearance.

You can't help your wandering mind. Did your imitation of the Tsaritsa's actions make you weak? Attempting to nurture someone in the same manner she nurtured you? You are not a god, only the former child of one. Maybe you cannot care for him and maintain your objectivity. It's possible that he has become your Achilles' heel, as you were forewarned when the Tsaritsa less than subtly suggested you eliminate him.

You cannot live like this.

No matter how many suns you watched set, you would never come to terms with it living like this. The world you once knew, which revolved around a singular governing entity and individual, has disappeared without a trace. Without a central axis to anchor it in place, your world spirals chaotically out of control, with each passing second feeling more frenzied than the last. Your head is too muddled, your brain too overwhelmed by your emotions to think objectively of the faults in your time as a Harbinger, years of your life spent that way, burying your thoughts beneath a heavy weight of despair.

You almost want to call them wasted, but that would be wrong. Without the Tsaritsa, you might've— no, would've died during the Archon War. Perhaps another god would take you in, but it is unlikely that they would have exhibited the same level of compassion and generosity as the Tsaritsa. They would not have coddled you into comfort the way she did. Then again, what if that had been your downfall? Did she ever genuinely want you to stay? Based on this...perhaps you took her kindness for granted and overstayed your welcome.

You had no right to make demands of her in your final moments as her child, acting like a spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum. But can you be justified? Can the threat to your subordinate's life negate that? Surely a bit, but not entirely, not if her actions were in response to yours.

Oh, even if you begged on your knees, she would not take you back now.

Why had you not done that before?

She must be disappointed that your attitude was born from her compassion, the epitome of her failures. You do not deserve to call her your mother. You took her generosity as a guarantee, thought yourself above her other children solely because you were her first, and believed you were her favourite for no reason besides your own arrogance.

You have failed the only being in Teyvat willing to show pity toward you.

The deepest heart of Snezhnayan forest welcomes you readily with open arms and the gnashing jaws of monsters starving for food. The forest seems to come alive with a vicious hunger for flesh. You have nothing but your vision and bow left to aid your defence. Your delusion is gone, and your subordinates are nowhere to be found to assist you. Despite this, marking your way with a trail of bodies is easy. It is just an inconvenience to have to always be on guard, but you are strangely used to it.

The cold is numbing as the air hits your face, your fingers almost wholly without a sensation of touch and even a tingle in your toes.

You spent many missions that way, tensed and expecting violence at any moment, hardly allowing yourself to sleep, let alone relax. It feels like nothing has changed in that respect, but you know everything has. You cannot hear the large crackling bonfire or the pattering of footsteps in the snow as your subordinates come to join you, their laughter and chatter and their whispers to each other.

There is a stark silence that is deafening to your ears.

On the seventh night, you pass through a village on the outskirts of Snezhnaya, where you first catch wind of the news you had agreed on. The locals informed you that they had recently halted their work for half a day in your honour, believing that you had passed away. All of them are completely unaware that as they remark on the death of Brighella, they are speaking to the former Harbinger, who asks about the news under the guise of being a curious traveller. They also strongly advised you against venturing into the innermost heart of the nation. If anyone were to notice the helmet carefully secured around your waist, it might bring unwanted attention to your travels.

Though you were stripped of your insignia, you have your armour, which by some grace had been spared from confiscation. Though a seemingly trivial act of kindness, a sense of pride swelled within you as you gazed upon it. You are glad it is still yours. This armour had accompanied you through countless blood-soaked skirmishes, serving as a steadfast shield against all manner of danger.

It is at that moment you decide to treat it as a trophy. Though there is no truth to it, you take responsibility for the Harbinger's slaying. Now, the armour which once protected you as a Harbinger will stand as a triumphant emblem of your hard-won victory over Brighella and the end of the Harbinger's tyrannical hold over the land. You know that you will keep it close, treasuring it always as a tangible reminder of the sacrifices you made to reach this pivotal moment. You slayed Brighella. You ended the Harbinger's tyranny.

If you didn't know better, you would think you were getting a little too far into it and starting to believe it yourself.

By the eleventh night, you find yourself situated in an inn, and the nights only carry on from there all the way up to the twenty-second night since your abrupt dismissal and, to the rest of the world, your supposed demise. Already, the whispers that once revolved around Brighella's defeat now shifted to speculations regarding her successor. The question was not necessarily who, but who could possibly? Her brutal reign as a Harbinger had instilled fear in the hearts of all who crossed her path and in the minds of the people, no one else could measure up to her sheer terror-inducing presence. Nobody knows what happened once they dared to fight Brighella until now. She was only the Fourth of the Tsaritsa's children, but she was the most combat-heavy, and no one wished to cross her, except for the rumoured contender for her throne, who was spoken of in hushed tones as nobody was eager to have their reverence for whoever was bold enough to reach the wrong ears.

Your achievements find their place amongst the rumours as people say that Brighella's killer stole her armour and wears it as her trophy.

Despite the slew of gossip that its patrons indulge in, you enjoy the quaintness of this bar made and run by travellers who use it like a pitstop to rest and recuperate. It is a home to them, along with adventurers and merchants who benefit from the atmosphere. The people are strangers, often reserved and eager to keep to themselves, but have immeasurable wealths of information that spill with a few drinks and a group of acquaintances who are, for only one night of pleasure and indulgence, their lifelong friends.

Among those friends buried in your own tankard of cheap ale, you laugh along with their jokes and entertain their questions like a test of your ability to lie and improvise in this tale you're making for yourself. If they have names, you don't know them. Brighella's death was a glorious battle but isolated to the hills where you were alone.

"Brighella was alone, and they were weakened by prior injury. I don't know what caused it." You mix a dash of the speculations in, downplaying your strength a tad as you're unwilling to expose too much of it. "I'm not one to miss an opportunity. When would it arise again?"

One of your new acquaintances scoffs, amused but no less aware of the dangers of doing such a thing. "And make an enemy of the Fatui?" He is a new graduate of the Sumeru Akademiya who's come to make his way through Snezhnaya for a job offer. Reminds you of someone else, minus the graduating.

"They will not miss her." You are quick to answer—too quick, arguably—as it draws a sliver of attention before dipping back under the radar as a product of your confidence. "Her 'head' makes too cute a decoration on my side to pass up stealing it."

"I wouldn't dare say such a thing. Fatuus comes here sometimes." They are the words of a Snezhnayan native raised to worship the Fatui, though he is somewhat disillusioned by their crimes and cruelty, as you've learned many are.

"Let them hear it!" Your laughter is boisterous and unabashed. "They'll see the armour anyway. They probably despise her like everyone else."

Another one of your new friends, a travelling merchant from Fontaine, interjects your ravings to add only a passing comment. It was as she had done all evening, her secrets locked up tight. "She did not make herself likeable."

"She was not meant to be likeable but a fearsome warrior." Again, the Snezhnayan man rebuttals the criticism against her as he had been doing all evening again.

"You don't have to get so far up her ass, Brighella's not gonna crawl out of her grave and thank you for it."

"You're so vulgar."

You plant your tankard firmly down on the table between the four of you, leaning over it to close the distance between you and the man. "I'm not meant to be likeable either."

Forget being only a little too into the role. You're revelling in the freedom of this new identity of yours.

Quick to disperse the tension, your graduate friend changes the topic without a hint of hesitance in his voice. "They left an underling people believe will take their place. It's a surprise to think Brighella had someone who followed them with such...devotion."

"It's strange, but not impossible." The merchant from Fontaine again, contributing nothing you weren't all already thinking.

"Could she have had a sentimental side?"

"Who cares if she had a sentimental side?"

"Upset the attention isn't on you anymore?"

Anger crosses your face, but you stifle it just as quickly as it appears. You wish their attention was off of you, really. The former you, maybe, but you nonetheless. You want to know about your subordinate. What happened to your second in command? You don't care to hear their speculation as to whether you were or were not particularly emotional with your underlings. You know the answers to all of those questions and more without their guessing games.

"Regardless of the reason, they say the underlying is much easier to swallow than she is, so maybe the position of Fourth Harbinger will change drastically if he takes it."

"Would he really change its purpose if he was so loyal?"

"Unintentionally, perhaps."

God, these people are so dull. Just listening to them, you can tell they know nothing of the ways of the Fatui. Harbingers are not individual job positions with specific parameters. Each role is its own, and they are moulded by the person who assumes them like a character in a play, enchanting and unsettling in a horrific mix of theatrics and violence. It is what they stand for. One does not assume the role and become an actor with a script. They must improvise and act on a whim to the beat of the Tsaritsaʼs drum, their life no longer their own.

They are not whatever these ramblings and poor excuses for speculations make them out to be.

"Terribly misinformed, aren't they?" In your ear is the low voice of the Snezhnayan man holding in his laughter at the two as the scholar and the merchant go back and forth.

You glance to your left, where he has leaned closer to you. "Repulsively," you respond curtly.

He has a faint glint of satisfaction in his eye as you seem to have confirmed something. "I thought you might've been from Snezhnaya."

"So what if I am?"

"It was only an observation."

In the background, the main conversation continues, just as clumsy as it was before you had tuned it out in favour of drinking some more. "Does this mean he will also be named Brighella?"

Straightening back in his seat, the man swiftly interjected their back-and-forth responses to explain to them. "They receive a unique title upon their promotion, and nobody knows what it is until then." A simple enough concept to understand.

"In other words, anything but Brighella."

"It hasn't been long enough to know yet."

"It's strange. Nobody knows his name even now."

That would probably be because you never gave him one.

You considered it in the years you spent with him but couldn't find one you liked. His name was inhuman, not for your ears and not for your tongue, rendering it useless to you and every human who would hear it. The night you found him was spent crowded around a bonfire listing off every suggestion you and your subordinates could think of to no avail, as he only sat quietly by your side and said little about any of these choices, finding no familiarity in any of them. That's only natural, you suppose.

You still haven't chosen a name for yourself that isn't Brighella, either. Your old one is well and truly forgotten, with the years eroding your memories. It had been centuries since you had been called anything else. Evidently, picking names is not your forte.

"As far as I've heard, nobody knows what it is."

You find the mention of your subordinate has completely ruined your mood. You are grateful the creature is alive but worried the knowledge you're snooping around to find out when he will be promoted could land you in trouble. It's troubling enough to wonder if he has heard your tales through the grapevine about how you had supposedly 'killed' Brighella—his mistress and mentor—which he would not be happy about. Though you did not fear the creature before, now that you've personally trained him to understand human combat, you're not so sure you'd want to fight him. It would be a hassle. Unlike many, you do not fear the inhumanity of the Doctor or the stone wall that's called the Jester. Even the cunning Damselette struggles to do more than unsettle you, but you respect that creature's raw strength and understand that no matter what you do, it doesn't matter. You are confined to a human form, and he is not.

You lied when he said he wouldn't recognise you, however. You don't actually know if he would.

You don't know the extent to which his eyes can pick out the details in your appearance that aren't physical. Had he memorised your relative build? Your height? The way you carry yourself and your mannerisms? The thought unnerves you, but so does everything else about him.

"I'm turning in for the night." Without regard for the ongoing conversation, you declare your intentions and abruptly shut down whatever is being said at the time without much care for it. Whatever it is, it isn't important. Your unfinished drink is left behind as you make your way to your quarters.

In retrospect, you understand their eagerness to merely cover up the circumstances of your dismissal. For a Harbinger as feared as Brighella, it is easier to halt work for a mere half-day rather than attempt to contain the resulting fallout of admitting one of their own was inadequate while simultaneously preserving their tenuous hold on power.

Months pass before there is talk of the crowning of a new Harbinger, the people abuzz with the news and eager to know all they can, preferably before the aristocrats feel like sharing the night of the event. You considered attending the ceremony but ultimately decided against it. You may have the courage to do so, but you are certainly not stupid enough to wander into the waiting heart of the Fatui's clutches. You have waited patiently for this moment and can easily wait longer to hear the news.

No longer treating the inn like a home, you settled somewhere in the plains of another nation only a few weeks after you had first arrived there, sensing the barkeep was getting sick of you and the attention you were drawing to his otherwise obscure establishment.

People settled there for a night, saw you were there, and word of mouth as they boasted of their encounters with you lured others who came to see you. While this influx of new customers certainly provided a boost to business, it also had the unintended consequence of driving away those who preferred to keep a low profile and valued its place as being for those 'in the know'. In other words, while you were great for a boom in business, you were bad for long-term business.

The barkeep pushing the mora you tried to pay him to pay for another night was enough to send the message he wanted you gone, out by morning. The idea you were not to come back for quite some time was clear to you in the look he gave you.

Liyue, on the other hand, is filled with mountains and teeming with visitors who have come to witness the highly anticipated Rite of Descension. Surprisingly, the influx of tourism only adds to the overall enjoyment of your experience. You would think that tourism would hinder your time there, but completely contrary it makes it better in a way. The locals are expecting an influx of outsiders to come to see the Geo Archon in person, and, as a result, they are not only willing to hire help for the time but also serve later at food stalls, and the place is livelier.

People notice you less as you blend into a crowd of people who don't belong, and you slip under the radar.

You have no interest in the Rite of Descension nor the Geo Archon, and most of your time is spent outside the Harbour.

Wangshu Inn is still within Liyue but at a considerable distance from the Harbour, a mid-point between there and the border to Mondstadt. It is quieter, which is neither good nor bad, and home to some very understanding owners who ask so few questions it almost alarms you. Nonetheless, you crave respite from the chaos and theatrics you were revelling in as a reprieve from the stress you were under, wondering how you would live your life now. At one point, you relished being hailed as a hero by many, but it soon became overwhelming, and you found yourself trapped in the clutches of Brighella once again.

Whether by design or happenstance, your identity had begun to consume your life again, and if you wanted to have any hope of living outside of Brighella, then that had to stop. And so, you sought out a place to lay down your burdens and unwind, leading you to where you are now.

You arrive your old self, and despite clinging to it since your travels had begun, you remove every piece of your armour for what you intend to be a long time and leave it all neatly arranged for when you eventually return to it. You feel compelled to finally don the fresh outfit you acquired during your journey through Fontaine. Admittedly floor-length dresses and extravagance are not your style after years of being cooped up in a heavy suit of armour, but there's something alluring about trying out a new look, especially when it involves pants that don't weigh more than a third of your body weight. Besides, you always kind of liked them anyway, just...not yet. Now seems like a good time to dip your toes in.

You almost don't recognise yourself when you finally see yourself in the mirror. Perhaps you got too used to seeing a metal helmet staring back at you and a suit of armour for a body, but the fresh air against your skin and lighter clothes feels...good.

For the first time in a while, you feel free.

The new outfit is making you giddy, too giddy for your taste. You don't recall having such an innate pep in your step, only one that felt deserved, but this different. While you typically associate a sense of satisfaction with having earned it through hard work or perseverance, this newfound exuberance seems to come from just existing in your new clothes. You are happy just because even if there is nothing to feel happy about. It's as if the simple act of wearing them has given you a boost, despite not having accomplished anything significant. It doesn't even seem like you made much progress toward becoming yourself when you lay it all out on paper. You bought clothes and wore them, that's it.

Something about it feels so much like yourself. The freedom to stray from what you thought you were until now, something you hadn't dared to try before.

One thing you like about Wangshu Inn is how it serves even people who aren't staying there. The ground floor overlooking the water is designated as almost a kind of restaurant. People filter in and out to be served, stay for lunch, meet with friends, and take breaks from their missions. It is meant as a place for travelling merchants, but you find that is not all its patrons see in it.

You are not nearly as sociable as you were in the Snezhnayan bar you were at, but this seems more manageable anyway.

"If you've come looking for work, the Adventurer's Guild may have a place for you." A suggestion from a merchant who struck up an idle conversation with you for some reason sticks with you. You can't say why, but you imagine a product of boredom.

"They accept anyone?" Your surprise is evident in your tone, as you thought they might have tighter restrictions.

Just as in disbelief fact as you are, he shrugs, "As long as you've got enough power to back yourself, a friend of mine said they'll accept anyone."

That sounds far too good to be true, at least for your taste. "And it doesn't matter where you come from or where you go?"

"Adventurers are known to get restless in one place for too long."

"I see, and you can just go up a--"

"Excuse me, miss." You don't remember hearing that voice, but you recognise the attire when you turn your head just enough to be met with the sight of a cicin mage standing before you impatiently awaiting your attention. The top half of her face is concealed, as is customary, but there's no mistaking the unkind smile that tugs at the corners of her lips as you meet her gaze.

Has she come for retribution?

Despite your fears of having to make a mess, the woman reveals a letter that is sealed with wax and extends it towards you, expecting you to receive it sooner rather than later as she waves it slightly as a form of incentive. "From the Damselette," she adds.

"What could the Damselette want with me?"

"Perhaps a warning." The words slip by, quiet but noticeable, immediately catching your attention. You raise an eyebrow at her. She's slowly unveiling her contempt at your presence; you're very aware of that fact. You are not familiar with her. It is unlikely that she ever worked under your command. However, it is possible that she might've held a certain level of regard, which has since turned to hostility as rumours of her arrogant killer run rampant. "I don't know. I'm not privy to those things."

Your eyes glance over her from head to toe in thought, scrutinising her for any indication of where her animosity came from. However, there is nothing that gives away her motives. You break your gaze away from her and glance down at the letter in your hand. "I suggest you get a better hold of your tongue. They don't like it when you're rude to their guests."

Her smile does not waver. "You are not a guest." She states that fact with glaringly false politeness.

"Everyone who recieves correspondence from a Harbinger is a guest."

You suppose you can't fault her disdain when all is said and done.

From somewhere tucked away in her clothing, she pulls what appears to be a knife from your peripheral vision and points it at you, but you look up to find it is only a blunt letter opener balanced in the palm of her hand, waiting to be picked up.

"I was ordered to stay until you had read the letter to deliver her your response."

Just as she believes you are a murderer, the letter addresses you as such. Your lies have reached her ears. Moreover, she is playing along with them.

You expected threats and unfair deals, but it is only an update on what is happening regarding your position, the reassurance that they have not violated the terms of the agreement made. A half-hearted apology and an excuse. Preparations set them back, supposedly.

While you imagine preparing not only a funeral but a ceremony to announce the next Harbinger does take time, it would not take this much time with how prepared they were to kill you off in the first place. It was a planned betrayal.

It just looks better if they don't appear so prepared.

For whatever reason, perhaps your consolation prize for enduring her shameless lies, she shares a secret with you. As you casually scan the letter with little care for its contents, your attention is immediately drawn to the heart of the matter. It's the very subject on everyone's minds and all that anyone speaks of.

Il Capitano. His name is Il Capitano.

Personally, you would not have picked it, but that does not mean that you hate the name. Quite the opposite, in fact, as you have to admit that when you envision the name paired with his face, it suits him well. She ends the letter promising that she will 'take good care of him', though you know that your respective ideas of those words do not align or even coexist in the same universe. There is an unmistakable discrepancy between her intentions and your own, and you don't like it.

"Come back to us, Brighella. You can watch everything you wanted in person."

You won't go back. It's a trap.

Irritated, you find yourself back in the heart of the country where nobody lurks, haphazard in the way you fire your arrows at every creature that dares to disturb your sense of peace. It's hard to focus, and you don't bother trying. Liyue is not the same as Snezhnaya, with open plains broken up by rocky mountains. The creatures are mostly the same, and all die the same, hilichurls and geovishaps running rampant and shot down into piles of meat and rocks.

It doesn't matter how loudly you shout, as there's nobody around to hear it. You could scream, cry, and throw a tantrum all you want, and it won't matter. Even if you throw yourself at the ground and bang your head into the dirt, nobody will see it.

This is all pointless. You will never escape. It will never matter how far you roam or how fast you run.

Why did you think you could? Had your brain melted from your head?

There is no other side. There is no salvation. You are owned from the day you're brought in until the day you die, but why? Why did they want to bring you back to Snezhnaya? What was the point? You are out of the way now, hardly causing trouble for them. Despite this, everything seems to be running smoothly, even with the liberties you have taken in your new role. Was that it? The reason they wanted you to see?

It must be. There is no other reason to risk exposing the lie otherwise. Unless it was to tarnish the Fatui's reputation.

You refuse to believe it is something as innocent as wanting to see your request honoured. Nothing is innocent within the Fatui, not an action without hidden intentions or motives. Centuries of watching their misdeeds from the inside, which always go unpunished and unchallenged by anyone except the powerless commoners, have taught you that there is always an ulterior motive lurking behind their actions.

Not to mention it came from Columbina.

You must've spent three days out there before finally returning to Wangshu Inn, dirtied by the elements and craving something to eat, like a child's insatiable desire for sweets. The dead of night provides a cover for you to take a dip in the water beside the inn in an attempt to rinse the dirt and sweat off of you. It dawns on you that your new clothes would've been ruined if you hadn't had the foresight to change before venturing out again. In that moment, thoughts of the Fatui and the memories evoked by your armour flooded your mind, and you didn't want the same thing to happen to the clothes that had made you so happy from the moment you put them on.

It feels childish how you cling to these things.

A part of you just can't help it, torn between holding onto the memories that define who you believe yourself to be and starting anew with a clean slate. Neither can win. One is stuck on the past and what little you have of it, and the other wants to abandon all of that and start completely fresh.

The half-compromise you are trying desperately to make work by accepting that what's gone is gone while keeping your armour close to your heart is obviously not working. The thought of discarding it pains you too much to actually do it, plagued by the urge to melt it down to scrap metal while also being overwhelmed by the knowledge you will regret doing that as soon as you see the mess that would be left of it.

Your new clothes make you happy, so you need more new things to make you even happier, right? If new means you glean happiness, then more new is what will help you move past all of this deliberation in your head.

Clothes were a given, and...maybe a haircut? Yeah. You should try cutting your hair and decide on a name for yourself that isn't Brighella. Something you want, a name you like, that you can look at yourself and see that person reflected in a mirror. The person you think you are supposed to be when you look past the expectation that has been instilled in you.

That merchant you spoke to mentioned the Adventurer's Guild might have a place for you. What if you should be helping people instead of hurting them? What if you only did that to please the Tsaritsa?

In the background of your thoughts, you walk yourself back to your room at the Wangshu Inn and collapse onto your bed, thinking. Though you are exhausted, you cannot bring yourself to sleep for one reason or another. You make excuses for yourself just to ignore the glaring root of the problem you know is there but refuse to acknowledge. The problem isn't really how hot or cold the room is or the texture of your blankets and how much you dislike the humidity in the air. Something else entirely is keeping you from rest.

Your hair isn't the problem either, or your clothes. Even your lack of a proper name really doesn't bother you. They're only the illusion of change you're using to cover up how truly lost you have become now that you have to think for yourself.

How long have you been alive now? Centuries at least. You can't even live independently after that long? No. No, you can't.

You are so lonely, you are lost, you are confused. You need company, you need guidance, and you need purpose. How are you supposed to live? Where is the person who will tell you what to do every day?

You have to make that choice yourself? You can't do that. You've never done that.

The thought of even something so basic scaring you so severely brings you to a weakness you never realised you even possessed. Fear surges through the very depths of your being, an unfamiliar sensation that you find unsettling. You don't like it, but it's an impossible feeling to push down and ignore. Over the years, you had quietly collected your shortcomings into a neat little jar and pushed it aside, out of sight, away from your conscious thought, as if pretending you were invincible.

What would you have done if you had gotten to Capitano? Make him decide?

He can't. He's not human. He doesn't know enough to decide. You've only made him just like you, a fearsome man until he's abandoned and vulnerable like you have become, and then he'll be pathetic and helpless too.

Nothing came out of any of your efforts, did it? It couldn't have possibly. Even with every attempt you made, it was always doomed to fail.

It turns out that the Adventurer's Guild was more than happy to take you in, in a way. They put you right to work. It helps to take your mind off of things if nothing else. It's mindless work, able to tune out everything in your brain and run on auto-pilot. You take to this life so well it scares you, completing your tasks with so little trouble you wonder how this isn't more popular, even if some are arguably unnecessary. If only you were good at proper cooking, you might get rich from the tens of requests for certain dishes.

You're irresistibly drawn to the combat, right back to the heat of battle where you feel truly alive. In all you've had to question, your love for the thrill of fighting has never been up for debate. You're unsure whether it's the adrenaline or something else, but you don't care to know, either. You don't concern yourself with such questions. It's not important to you why, so long as you find comfort in it. It's the one thing you cannot be robbed of.

A hard day's work is always rewarding.

"Make sure you be careful today." A fellow adventurer is quick to catch you before you can wander off for your next quest, smiling and unbothered despite his words. You've never met him, but he speaks as if you have.

Something about the bond of adventurers is so reminiscent of the Fatui.

You turn back to place your full attention on him rather than the grilled tiger fish you had acquired out of curiosity about the taste. "Why's that?" You're not too bothered, expecting him to tell you that it's dangerous out there, the Abyss Order existing and all.

"The Fatui are restless."

His words catch you off-guard, light in tone as they are. In outward appearances, he's mostly unbothered, while the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.

You try to grasp your bearings just enough to speak. "They don't do that for fun." Something about it is just as shaky as you expected, unable to fully mask it, but you figure he'll blame it on nerves.

"Harbinger, apparently." He doesn't draw attention to your demeanour, so neither do you.

"Which one?"

"Dunno."

It's probably Columbina. Maybe you pissed her off when you shot the messenger. Yeah, she probably wouldn't appreciate that. When you did it in a fit of anger, you expected her to find it funny after coming to your senses.

"Hey. Something wrong?"

You startle as you realise he had been speaking that whole time, and you just weren't listening.

"Sorry?"

"I said it's weird that they'd be up and about so soon after the newest was officially promoted."

You deadpan a little, realising it wasn't something of actual value, just a misconception that the greatest powers that be in Snezhnaya aren't spiteful enough to hate each other just as much as they hate everyone else. "Not really. They're not particularly sentimental."

"They don't even care to go out drinking for their own?"

"They hardly know how to tolerate each other." You realise your slip of the tongue too late, seeming too familiar. That's a problem. He barely draws attention to it, only making a strange face.

"Well, whatever the reason, work doesn't stop for them."

In silence, you agree and continue your day as if you really believe that.

As you wrap up your work for the day, you feel a sense of pleasant exhaustion wash over you. It struck you as strange that nobody was out in the wild, even the usual fatuus you avoid. Something about it was uniquely eerie. It dawns on you why he came to the conclusion that the Fatui were 'restless'. They must have retreated into the city to prepare for the impending arrival of the Harbinger destined to disrupt the small peace you had found. The sudden influx of fatuus in Liyue would make it seem like they are increasing in numbers nationwide when in reality, they are just moving.

You're not going to let it bother you for now.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you know you have promised yourself that repeatedly and have found it to be a lie, but you mean it this time. You're familiar enough with the workings of the Fatui to know that they don't like to leave sectors alone for too long, and Liyue had spent a fair time before your dismissal unchecked.

Even at night, you remain unbothered when you wander Liyue for a time, looking for something to do and notice what he was talking about.

Many of them are fussing more than usual, meaning that chances are it's too late to inhibit the process of this Harbinger arriving. You could turn tail and run, scurry off to the other side of Teyvat and settle in Fontaine or even Natlan, but you like it here.

You sit in the heart of Liyue, listening to a speaker tell his stories. You know you shouldn't linger, but you tell yourself you can for just a little while longer. It reminds you of the past, filled with Liyue legends you remember hearing about as news at the time they took place. The fact these tales are now old enough to be suitable for a speaker's recitation as 'legends' is a grim reminder that maybe you're older than you realised. Your early life is now from the time of legends. You can push that feeling aside to focus on the nostalgia of hearing these stories.

Beside you, you hear the chair move but don't budge from looking to see who it is, assuming that all other chairs are taken or that it's an adventurer who got curious, possibly even the man you had spoken to earlier about all of the Fatui--

“Reminiscing, Brighella?”

You recognise both that voice and that name and go stiff, eyes finding her before your head can even turn in her direction.

In front of you—or rather, across from you—the Knave sits upon the other chair at your table as if she was always supposed to be there, seemingly at ease, but you know better than to assume her guard is down. Arlecchino has always had an icy composure, though she can be hot-headed at times and can lose her temper when provoked. It's not surprising that she was able to track you down, even without knowing what your face looks like.

She turns to you leisurely, unhurried. "I came to look for you since you missed the ceremony." It sounds like a greeting the way she speaks those words. You suppose it is one, really.

Ah, maybe you should've been worried after all.

You try to play off your emotions as if you're completely unfazed by her presence. It's the only way to maintain some semblance of control. "Did Columbina not like my gift?"

"Oh, she rather enjoyed it." Arlecchino maintains a similar composure, knowing approaching you in public means employing subtlety as much as it means she's less likely to be attacked. "She felt it was just the kind of gift you would give."

"I try my best not to disappoint." Your response is less enthusiastic than you might like, a hint of nervousness infesting your brain and refusing to budge.

Despite this, she doesn't notice, not outwardly. Really, that means nothing, as you are very aware of how good her poker face is. "Il Capitano hasn't stopped speaking about how much he'd like to kill you. You don't want to disappoint, do you?" When you were waiting for her to speak, those weren't the words you expected to hear, but somehow you're not fully surprised either.

"I see, so my lies reached even his ears."

You thought as much.

"I think you'll be quite surprised when you see him." Her reply is so cocky that you almost scoff at her.

"Who said I would be seeing him?" You try to match the audacity she had to make such a remark.

She turns to you rather casually for the words she speaks, an odd tone you can't quite place, lacing her words half like mockery. "You miss him, don't you?"

It's that question that makes you snort and turn away as you realise that her negotiation and persuasion skills are abysmal for such a cunning and intelligent woman. "Not enough to become foolish enough to trust someone whose title denotes them as dishonest and untrustworthy." You always wondered about that, really. "A name like 'the Knave' really isn't subtle."

"Funny." She doesn't laugh or even smile. "I believe yours was something close to 'bother'."

You lean back in your chair, testing it slightly as you push the front legs off the floor as a means of entertaining yourself through this frankly dull conversation. "Then I suppose we're both living up to our names."

She remains silent for several seconds, pondering her next words. You can see her fingers rub against the wood of the chair as a distraction.

"The others told me it was pointless to try to bring you back."

"They were right."

"You won't come back for any reason?"

"I know a trap when I see one."

"Of course."

Silence, again. You don't care to break it, either. You came to hear the stories, and you really would like to continue that rather than listening to her voice, but she's not making it easy.

"Is that all now?" Your voice shows your impatience more than you might like, but you realise it may work in your favour if she senses she's annoying you.

For the first time in a while, she smiles faintly to herself. "For now. Your answer is abundantly clear." She appears to concede, if only for a little while

You let the chair land back on all of its legs and lean your elbow on the table.

"Are you going to get out of that chair?"

"No."

"And why is that?"

"It's comfortable."

The urge to roll your eyes brims in your mind, but you stop yourself. You don't want to give the Knave the satisfaction of knowing something she is already well aware of. Besides that, you don't want her to know that you really don't want her here in any capacity. Arlecchino's presence is never a good thing.

You let out a tentative breath as you consider your next words quite carefully. The wrong thing might have Arlecchino never leaving you, and the right one might drive her back to Snezhnaya if you're lucky. You shift your whole body to face her. "You just arrived from Snezhnaya, I take it. What do you want to eat?"

She eyes you suspiciously, scrutinising you for any sign of trying to fool her into consuming poison or making herself sick. "You're feeding me now?"

You pretend you don't notice her intensity. "Well, you're not leaving. It would look strange for me to order food for myself."

Again she smiles to herself, a light mockery that's cautious and testing, easing herself into accepting your offer. "I wasn't aware you cared so much."

"You could starve if you'd prefer." You turn away as you speak and don't look back, shifting yourself back in your seat to be front-facing.

There's a quietness between the two of you, both waiting for the answer to your proposal. You have an inkling Arlecchino will accept, but you don't know with her. She never seemed especially pleased by the times the Jester would convene you all over meals and such, ending up in fights and bickering. She never fought with you, however, so perhaps it's different.

"Order whatever you like."

You find yourself looking intently at a list of the options on the menu. It's quite a lengthy list. "Mm..." Even though it's just a false invitation and you're doing it to be courteous, you can't say you aren't enjoying the thought of picking out a meal and sharing it with her. Despite your removal from the Fatui's affairs for some time, you'd be lying if you thought you weren't at least a little curious. "Jade Parcels...and maybe Jade Fruit Soup? But Dragon Beard Noodles sound good too..."

Becoming slightly irritated by your indecision, Arlecchino looks across the table to where you are sitting deep in thought. "Is it that complicated of a decision?"

You spare her only a glance before returning to looking for something she would enjoy. "I have to pick something you'll like, don't I?"

Soup is more challenging to share than noodles are.

With that, your decision is made, and you settle. Despite yourself, you are somewhat restless in thought. Arlecchino's lack of contribution is slightly frustrating, but it sounds like she'd be content with anything. You're not sure if your choice is the correct one, but you believe you picked something to the best of your abilities that is easy, even to a foreign tongue. As far as you know, Arlecchino is from Fontaine. You've never eaten like this with Arlecchino to know her tastes or dietary restrictions.

"Jade Parcels and Dragon Beard Noodles. Sound good?"

"It'll do."

"Good. I'll go order it, then."

Arlecchino must be surprised that you returned, as she doesn't seem too thrilled. She never really does, but there was a disappointed glint in her eye right up until you walked in front of her to get to your chair.

It continues until you get the food, and Arlecchino finally stares at it with an overwhelming sense of dread, left with an intense feeling of apprehension regarding whether. You appear not to hesitate, though this arrangement isn't quite what she had expected. Arlecchino had thought you would order enough dishes that you wouldn't have to share, but you seemed to understand it in a way that meant you would be eating from the same bowl.

You notice her hesitation almost immediately, yet your vexation with her arrival makes you unwilling to acknowledge that you know the reason, a deliberate miscommunication on your part. "Mm. I didn't think this through." Your words seem to make her perk up as if you will free her from her awkwardness by asking for another bowl. "You probably aren't used to using chopsticks, are you? Not many dishes that need those back home."

She knows you're toying with her, that sweet smile from across the table hardly hiding your true intentions. Arlecchino waits, watching to see what you will do next, as she looks back at you with a scowl.

Her eyes do not leave you as you wordlessly collect a Jade Parcel and present it to her like you are patronising her with this action. Your feigned kindness, this supposed benevolence of you offering to feed her like a child, no doubt hoping she'll back down and excuse herself completely.

She won't let you do that and have the satisfaction of seeing her back down. She won't allow you to break her facade of acceptance.

Though you circle the food in front of her slowly, only a motion with your fingers trying to convince her or make her as uncomfortable as possible, Arlecchino continues to stare for several more moments. Eventually, she musters the courage to relinquish some of her pride.

Arlecchino leans in slightly, just enough to open her mouth and take a bite from the food you hold out for her. Despite the circumstances that led to this moment, she can't help but acknowledge your good taste. Arlecchino couldn't possibly eat another bite that way, though. Not being fed by the woman who is now her adversary just to avoid her 'winning' in the situation, but admitting she is willing to let you get under her skin is not an option either.

She must treat this situation differently, as if you are merely feeding her out of obligation to her rather than because you have your own motives.

It hardly stops her from enjoying her portion of the meal from the chopsticks you share with her. At some point, it finally occurs to her that you only hold one pair, leaving her set untouched despite feeding her. You had been feeding her with the same set you ate with the entire time, and while you were well aware of that, it hardly seemed to alarm you as much as it alarmed her.

Your biggest disappointment was being unable to get rid of her that whole time, watching her readily accept whatever you tried to use against her. Watching a Harbinger practically bow their head and obey you, however, fuels your consciousness. It's like eye candy to think back and realise you did that.

It's another one of your quiet defiances against the Tsaritsa. You wonder how far you can take it.

As you stand from your seat, you stretch your arms above your head until you hear a faint pop as all the tension in your back relaxes. "I don't imagine you'll be leaving anytime soon."

"No. I have plenty of business outside of you." It's not a lie. She's got a lot to do in Liyue even without your presence, but you're a priority.

You lean back over your chair, a mischievous little look on your face. "Do tell."

"You know that I can't do that." She's not amused by the attempt, either.

You straighten back to your usual height and brush it off in moments. "Unfun. I thought your loyalty to the Tsaritsa could be won over easily."

She scowls. "Not by you."

"I see. You have standards after all."

She chooses to ignore your comment. Up until now, you have had quick-fire conversations, sometimes interrupted by a silence that drags on. This is no exception.

"Capitano truly believes you are dead." Arlecchino realises when she has caught your attention, and that time is now. She notices how your head tilts towards her ever so slightly, and your head raises. "For a time, he grieved, but it didn't last long. He has become fixated on the idea of revenge ever since he heard that Brighella's killer was running around boasting about their achievements with the authentic armour to support their claims."

Suddenly it makes some small amount of sense in your mind why they would want you to come back exactly. Capitano won't stay put forever. If he's stuck on vengeance, he won't rest until he exacts it. You weren't thinking about how much your stories would piss him off at the time.

When you spend an extended period of time silent and seemingly disinclined to answer, Arlecchino continues. "I want to show you to him."

You have subjected him to human emotions he's not equipped to deal with. Rightfully, you feel horrible like more of your failures are being wrenched from your corner and dumped out into the open for all to see. It doesn't matter that you're in Liyue, where nobody knows the two of you. You don't want them to see either.

"He wouldn't want to see me." You don't think she really wanted to hear those words when you finally speak. Her expression gives it away. "He should enjoy his position without my interference. I've ruined his life enough."

"You've given him power and status, he should be grateful for that--"

"No. He shouldn't." You don't even wait for her to finish. She hasn't even realised it yet. Not the way you've been forced to. That power is a detriment, not a blessing. Why should he want that? "I thought that way as well, but now I…I don't think my choice was the correct one."

Arlecchino was not expecting to evoke your vulnerability, shallow as it may be for now. "What choice?"

"To bring him back from the abyss."

From a purely objective perspective, taking in Capitano was the cause of everything. Arlecchino presumably thinks of it in the way you don't want her to, that you regret taking him in because he ultimately ruined everything for you, causing your world to fall apart. You don't. You wish you hadn't dragged him down with you.

Now Capitano still dealing with the consequences of your choices. He was perfectly satisfied where he was and would've remained that way had he not been caught up in your plans. It was your arrogance that made you think Capitano would prefer to come with you. At no point in your first interaction had he indicated he was displeased in his circumstances, only hostile because humans were so close to him. It is an understandable thing, considering that humans were a foreign concept to him and potentially posed a threat.

"Because he overtook you?"

There it is.

Despite her words, she appears to have dropped her irritated expression and the impatience in her words and actions. You are finally speaking, and she won't lose that opportunity to an avoidable break in her temper.

"No. No, nothing like that." You try to find the words to explain it, even knowing she likely wouldn't understand it in her current position. You doubt she could ever comprehend it with how she treats her loyalty. "It's more like… Off the record, though I was cherished for many years, even I eventually became disposable. I have left Capitano in the hands of the person who caused that, and now I have damned him to the same fate."

Arlecchino is silent in thought, mulling over your words with great care. The tone of the conversation shifted right under your noses, and with it, so did her demeanour. She became relaxed in a way, though you imagine no less guarded than she always is. "I fail to see how your performance declined. In fact, you are more necessary now than you have ever been."

"I see." In your head, that means she's on your side to a degree. "So you believe that my termination was a mistake?"

"A grave error at best." Her words only confirm the way you thought of it. "Even if you had declined in performance, the people have begun to question more than ever, which sabotages the political landscape of Snezhnaya for those who care about it, the same people who stood idly by while you were ousted. Those who oppose the Fatui are pushing the notion that we must be weaker than we appear, because if even Brighella could die, then what does that say for the rest of us."

Though you wish you could say that concept was inconceivable, the idea that those fighting for reform would seize upon your demise as a means to spur change. It's not shocking that everyone else has been called into question, either. Though it is easy to push the role of frontrunner onto the Director, his duty is mainly administrative, as is the case with many high-ranking positions. His wrath is quick and brutal, and sparse. Dottore is too busy with his disgusting hobbies, and Columbina must remain in the light as a figure they can cling to. That leaves the position of Fourth as the one who is publicly the most violent and ruthless, which used to fall to you.

"I see. Is that why they want me to come back?" You don't expect an honest answer as you ask that question, half anticipating another play at your heartstrings.

"No."

Frustratingly, she doesn't elaborate.

"I'll only agree to return if Capitano is free to do as he wishes."

She scoffs, somewhat returning to her brash attitude. "Even if I could make that decision, we're well past the point where that's a possibility."

You know that she's correct in that.

Still, you can't stop the sight you let out. You knew the request was wonderful in theory but inconceivable in practice, but asking never hurt anyone. "Then what do you want from me? I take it that though I'm only a stagehand, my part in the theatre is not yet over."

"Is that how you see it?"

"Answer my question."

"Execution."

You pause at her answer.

"Execution?"

You're not even sure you heard her correctly. The execution of who? Brighella has already been put to death, and Capitano has barely warmed his seat among the Harbingers. Nobody left in this is worth killing, given the precarious nature of the Fatui's support in the aftermath of Brighella's murder. It was already unstable, and now things are just worse, with no better word to describe.

You doubt they made the decision lightly.

"Execution. Your execution for the murder of Brighella and crimes against the state."

Your nerves instantly spike again, and your guard is higher than ever. At any moment, you could need to draw your bow and fight her because even though you're unsure of how to treat this life, you're not ready to give it up. No foe has scared you before, and neither will the prospect of rebuilding from square one.

"I see, so you've come to extradite me."

"You read my intentions horribly. I'm impressed you managed to make it so far like that."

You furrow your brows in annoyance. "Then what?"

"The values of the Fatui no longer align with mine." The assertion draws your attention more than anything else. You have always been aware that she is unconcerned with the ideas of loyalty and honour, which you can't fault her for. Abiding by the code of honour the Tsaritsa instilled in you left you here.

You may be completely wrong, but she was so vague and doesn't seem to be waiting to say anything else. "Is this your way of telling me you're deserting the Fatui?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"You so happen to be someone I like."

You're startled by that as well. As far as you were aware, the decision to do nothing in the face of your dismissal was unanimous. You thought Capitano was your only remaining ally. Even if she's the lowest ranking, that is not indicative of power in an objective sense but of authority. In a sense, she is the new 'you' of the Harbingers, as she always was to a degree.

Blame for the disorder is shifting in your absence to her.

"Because I cleaned the messes you now manage?"

"Because you aren't cowardly and fixated on politics but inhibited by them. You are a model of what is right." You can't say you follow what she's saying but allow her to continue. "Pulcinella and even Pierro refuse to travel abroad, always making excuses to shirk their jobs when faced with danger in order to comfortably remain in luxury. From the day I joined, you stood out to me in that way."

You raise an eyebrow at her, unimpressed by whatever she's trying to do right now. "Are you trying to flatter me into coming back?"

"I was telling the truth." She doesn't look impressed, either.

You feel a little embarrassed by that, suddenly feeling as though you really had responded quite rudely to an innocent statement. "Hearing a person idolise me is strange," you admit.

"It's not idolising." Her correction is sharp.

"Sounded close enough."

Silence again, as with the pauses scattered around the rest of your conversation. You aren't catapulting the topic into something of great interest or progressing, and neither is Arlecchino. Her lips press into a thin line trying to hide any cracks and stifle any emotion that slips through.

"I admire you."

You did not realise such a thing was possible, really.

"I thought you may have remembered the times we shared and think fondly of it, but perhaps not. We fought once- maybe twice- before. We drank together. Nothing else."

To end that statement with 'nothing else' as if to reduce every conversation, interaction, hour and experience to ashes is thoughtless at best. You didn't remember either instance in which Arlecchino believes you fought and still don't, though you try to now that you have come to find it apparently happened. If it did, the chances of you actually remembering is slim to none with how your memory is. It's not that you forget things quickly, but that minor events slip through the cracks in your frankly chock-full memory.

"I don't remember them, I'm sorry."

"I didn't expect you to."

Despite her words, there is a faint bittersweetness to it, the realisation you are insignificant to the person you aspire toward being like. Somewhere, even if she is aware it was always not only a possibility but highly likely, it still feels like a letdown, the fragile hope you might remember her strength. You only remember her drunken and all too enamoured by you to think properly. It is foolish of her to feel that way because you have battled many foes, and expecting you to remember all of them, let alone your underling, is unreasonable.

"You still haven't answered my question." Changing the topic, you take the opportunity to try to direct her back to what you asked in the first place. "Why are you really here?"

"The Jester gave me permission to pursue you, believing I would attempt to convince you to return to Snezhnaya after Columbina failed." As Arlecchino begins to explain, it slowly begins to make sense as the pieces fall neatly into place. "However, I have no interest in appeasing the wants of dignitaries who care only for their comfort."

You don't want that either. It's just a repeat of Capitano. "Do you understand how dangerous what you're doing is?" It's an attempt to remind her, but Arlecchino's unwavering expression tells you that reminders are unnecessary and unwanted.

"Yes, you were removed for less." She only confirms it for you. "Dottore is of the opinion that you will be forgotten, as are several others-" you imagine singling him out has something to do with them fighting all the time- "but that is simply impossible."

"Times change. You would be surprised how many things we thought would never be forgotten that humans have completely lost all knowledge of."

To her, that concept may be harder to swallow. Arlecchino has never seen the centuries roll by as you have and isn't as familiar with what does and does not remain. Even the greatest gods fell in the Archon War, and most humans cannot name any but the seven Archons. It is natural to forget and progress. The past is meant to become speculation and theory.

"I won't allow that." Abruptly she stops, though her sudden words startle you somewhat with how intense they are. That kind of illogical thought process is natural, maybe. You can't really say. "They could remember."

You shake your head in response, a firm denial before she's even begun to try and sell you on the idea. "There's no need for them to remember."

"There is every need."

"People don't glean the same admiration you do for someone they see as a tyrant."

"Then evoke fear!"

"Enough." You did not expect to have to put your foot down so harshly but do not hesitate to. "I won't entertain this."

Arlecchino grits her teeth at how easily you let go. Even though you are obviously not acclimated to civilian life, you refuse her offer that would allow you to return to Snezhnaya in a potential position of power. It is yet another failed step in the many she expected to have to take to convince you.

"Then let me hide you until some time passes."

"I'm not a precious treasure." She ignores how you roll your eyes at her, completely withdrawing how emotionally available you had managed to be. She can't let her anger take control of her again. "I can handle myself thank you very much."

You sense she will not be giving up easily.

Even if you could convince her to leave you to your devices and that you would be fine, you doubt she would accept that. However, you have a feeling she knows you intend to disappear after this conversation. You have no idea why else she would pour her heart out in an attempt to make you easier to keep hold of. If you leave, you hold the advantage.

"I cannot continue to defend your honour while you stand by and allow them to do as they please with your name."

That doesn't worry you too much when you've been contributing to it since leaving. "Then give up. Let my name be tarnished."

Arlecchno's anger finally begins to boil over despite her efforts to contain it, rage spilling from the cracks in her composure. "You cannot have forgotten everything we did together."

"Of course I have not forgotten that." Your words are more fuel than suffocation to the growing fire.

"Then accept my help and stop being so stubborn."

"There's no need to."

She grabs you by your arm before you can step away, and you can feel a chill in her hand seep into your skin, likely a byproduct of her delusion. It doesn't hurt, but it doesn't match well with how warm you are most of the time. "You would be willing to pretend you don't wish for normalcy to avoid confronting the Tsaritsa?"

"If I return to Snezhnaya, I will die." You lay it out as directly as possible, without an if, but or and. There's no room to debate this because the outcome will not change. Even if the two of you decide you're best friends, nobody else will see things that way, so it's pointless to pretend you don't see it as it has to be.

Arlecchino finally appears to consider your words more carefully, remaining silent again, but you do not interrupt her this time. You shift your focus to the icy hand still touching you and begin to channel what little you can of your vision without drawing your bow to warm her. You hope she doesn't notice it, not wanting her to find an ulterior motive in it.

"Then it is unavoidable."

You don't quite understand what she is saying until she removes her hand from you to place something on the table you shared.

Suspiciously, you eye the item as you wonder about the significance of abandoning it beyond the obvious, but you don't want to acknowledge that option. "You'll need your insignia if you wish to return." You needn't remind her of that, but it is a prompting statement.

Arlecchino shocks you with her next words.

"I'm remaining with you."

You stand in stunned silence for several seconds, replaying them over in your head. Remaining with you. She doesn't mean that, does she? This is another of her persuasion tactics, right? She cannot actually go through with this. "You're what?"

"I'm not going back to Snezhnaya."

That only confirms your fear, the chill of it rushing to the core of your being and lighting your nerves up with an icy cold. Maybe that's just the hand touching your cheek.

"You can't. You shouldn't. You should stay there."

She makes an odd face at you, half understanding of your plight and the other confused about why you care so much about what she does with her job. "In that place you curse yourself for leaving Capitano?"

"It's a comfortable position." You try to reason that way with her, pointing out the inarguable benefit.

"I don't care for comfort."

You scramble to find another reason, something else to make her give in and pick it back up. You have not gotten anything you attempted to get this night. Arlecchino didn't leave and is, in fact, intent on leaving the Fatui to continue that.

"I don't care to waste my time pandering to people who do not value what I provide for them, all the while relying on it."

That's not a reason you wish to say, but it is. It is a very real reason. You can see it in how the Fatui regards your circumstances that they have never found enough value in the mountain of work you took on. If they had, you wouldn't be having this conversation. She's right, you realise, she realised what you could not.

"Even if you do not allow it, I would be able to follow you." It's a strange thing to say, but maybe she was trying to convince you. Her arm falls back to her side.

You shake your head. "Humans tire."

"I won't be too slow."

It's different for her. Arlecchino doesn't hulk around a bulky suit of armour and a helmet to conceal her face. It is open and well-known. There will be places she can't ever travel to again. Her life will be this and nothing else, while yours will eventually become something else, as it was always supposed to. Even if you don't want to now, you will move on and find a new sense of self. She may never.

"There are grave consequences."

"I know."

"You may never know peace."

"I can live with that."

"You--"

--will question everything you have ever known. That was what you were about to say. You again come to a realisation that clears things for you. It's different. Arlecchino has not spent her whole life dedicated to serving the Tsaritsa, only a few years at best. You spent centuries. It is no wonder that she could give it all up so easily. Arlecchino only had one foot in the door in the first place.

The realisation dawning on you this way is daunting.

"...Fine. I will accept that." Though you thought you would struggle more, you also understand that it is useless to do so.

"A good choice."

The act of conceding can bring about a sense of relief and comfort. Conceding feels nice, in a way. It is a respite from constantly controlling everything to be exactly as you wish. It allows you the freedom of simply acknowledging the reality of a situation and accept that it may not align with your ideals, even if you don't necessarily like it.

You don't want Arlecchino to accompany you for her sake, but accepting that she will not share your fate of being humiliated can bring about a sense of peace. She will live however she pleases, and that means she may not want for the same future you received. Having a free will allows her to leave.

Slowly, you try to recover from the shock of the situation. As you take in a deep, quivering breath, you begin to steady yourself and attemt to process all that is unfolding.

A single question comes to your mind, a relatively simple one but significant enough to matter greatly.

"What is your name?"

CROSSPOSTED ON AO3

#♡ — kae.#✦ — scenarios.#✦ — angst.#arlecchino #arlecchino x reader #arlecchino x female reader #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x female reader #genshin x female reader

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mysecretlittlelibrary · 10 months

Text

Battle Of The Knights pt. 1: May The Best Knight Win

Pairing: Moonknight trio x Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: I mean none really there's a gun at some point but no one gets hurt

Genre: kinda fluff

Summary: "So let me get this straight, you all like me, so you each want to take me on a date and let me decide what to do after?" You can't believe the words you're hearing even as you repeat them back.

What happens when the relationships you've built with Marc and his two alters are turned on their heads by a proposition that is anything but simple? How can they expect you to risk blowing up the carefully crafted dynamic you've worked so hard to create? And why do you agree to such an insane suggestion?

***

You met Marc first. He was charming and quick on his feet. It made you fast friends. Though he was guarded and you knew there were things he would probably never tell you. It didn't stop you from embracing a friendship with him. One filled with movie nights and playful insults. It was Steven you met next. You'd seen him getting off a bus and excitedly ran over to who you thought was your friend only to have a confused Brit staring back at you. You probably should've realized it wasn't Marc when he didn't respond to you calling him but it didn't occur to you until after you grabbed his arm.

"Dude, did you not hear me calling you?" You had said once you caught up to him but he backed away from you as if you'd grown another head.

"I- I'm sorry, have we met?" He asked.

"Marc come on, this has got to be your lamest joke yet." You'd rolled your eyes. "The accent too?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Drop it Spector, you're no good at this."

"I believe you've got me confused with someone else, I'm Steven. Steven Grant." He'd shook his head adamantly and for a moment you really thought it was someone else.

"Wow you're- really sticking to this."

"Yes because it's true? And if you'll excuse me, I'm late for work so, bye." Steven scurried away and you hadn't known what to make of that interaction.

The next time you saw Marc you weren't sure if he'd recognize you or not which had him demanding an explanation when you walked passed him without a word. Of course, when you told him you saw him days ago and he literally didn't recognize you, he reluctantly explained to you that he has an identity disorder. Trauma he wouldn't get into, causing a fracturing of his mind that resulted in three, not two, separate consciousnesses sharing one body. You didn't know much about Dissociative Identity Disorder but you cared about Marc and so you did your research, and asked questions when you had them, trying to be a good friend to him and eventually Steven as well.

Between the two of them, you learned pretty quickly they didn't like talking about the third consciousness, alters you learned they were called, and as a result, you knew next to nothing about him. You didn't know his name or what he was like, he was a mystery, but you knew he was there. It was a door you let stay closed, in fact, you don't even think he wanted to meet you that day you finally encountered the third member of your friend's fractured mind.

It had been Steven's birthday and you wanted to surprise him with a cake. So, using the key they gave you, you'd gone to their apartment while you knew they'd be out to set up the cake. Unfortunately for you, it wasn't Steven who came strolling into their flat that afternoon and you didn't realize it until too late. The whistling should've clued you in honestly, Steven doesn't whistle, but you were excited and so when the door creaked open you didn't hesitate before speaking.

"Happy birthda- oh my god you have a gun!" Your hands shot up when the man pulled out a firearm quicker than you could finish saying birthday.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" You're so frazzled by the weapon pointed at you that you don't immediately notice the accent in his words but then it dawns on you.

"Oh. That makes three." You say quietly.

"I asked you a question."

"My name is y/n. I'm a friend of Steven's and Marc's. It's Steven's birthday so I brought him a cake." You tell him.

"You're a friend of Steven's?"

"And Marc's. Can you please put the gun down?"

"They told you about us?"

"Technically only because they had to. I was Marc's friend first but then I saw Steven one day and when he didn't recognize me Marc had to explain why. He told me there were three of you but they don't really answer any questions about you." You explain quickly. There's a moment of silence and you almost miss the switch between one alter and another. The gun is tossed to the ground with faint disgust and you're certain Steven has taken over.

"Y/n, Gods, I'm sorry about Jake. He's protective. It's, kind of his job." Steven says.

"Happy birthday." You breathe out quietly, relieved you're no longer at the business end of a revolver.

"He didn't hurt you did he?" He walks over to you carefully.

"No. No, I'm not hurt, a little spooked but I'm fine. I just- I wanted to surprise you for your birthday."

"Yeah sorry about that. Surprises are tricky."

"Oh trust me I will not be doing that again any time soon." You say with a chuckle.

"You baked me a cake."

"I did, I didn't get around to lighting the candles before Jake came in but it's vegan. I know it can be hard to find good vegan stuff."

"Thank you! Seriously, I- I really appreciate it."

"Of course Steven." You say. "I can't believe you guys have a gun." You shake your head as you cut Steven a slice of his cake.

"I didn't even know we had one and I'm- really sorry about Jake, he's- not the friendliest guy."

"Don't be sorry and he doesn't have to be friendly. I'm very aware that you're all different personalities. Sure you've all got the same face but I think that's where about 80% of your similarities begin and end, I mean I'm sure there are others but, the point is, you deciding to be my friend after we met does not mean I'd expect the same from Jake. He doesn't have to be my friend, he doesn't even have to talk to me if he doesn't want to. The only thing is if I do run into him again I'd appreciate him not pointing a weapon at me." You shrug.

"You are- so wonderfully understanding." He breathes.

"I mean from what I've read I imagine DID can be pretty disruptive I don't want to make it any more complicated for you. I'm not doing much just, being supportive, trying to help however I can. Like an external carer for your system." You say with a smile. There's a very sudden, very quick, change in Steven's demeanor, shoulders squared as his eyes narrow into a glare.

"They don't need you. I take care of this system." He grits out and you know immediately the new stranger has returned.

"Jake, I'm assuming. Hi again. I didn't say they needed me. I'm sure they're very capable, I'm sure you are very capable, but I'm their friend, so I'm here as support. That's what friends are for. Even for you if you ever decide you want it. Just, try not to point any more weapons at me."

"There is not a thing that you could do for me."

"Never say never, Jake. Look can you bring Steven back so he can actually eat the cake I made for him? I'd offer you a slice but it's vegan and something tells me the guy who carries a handgun to run errands doesn't give a rat's ass about that sort of thing."

"You don't know me. Don't pretend that you do."

"It was an educated guess. I don't have to know you to make a guess based on what I've already observed. Steven's vegan but Marc isn't. I can't see a reason you would be but don't get me mixed up I'm not pretending to know you. I know exactly 2 things about you, your name is Jake, and you carry a gun, I'd guess regularly. Oh, and I think you speak Spanish, based on the way you speak English but that's another guess."

"What are you doing?"

"At this point just pissing you off I'm sure. I know you have no interest in being friends with me Jake and that's fine, I just want Steven back so we can keep doing this back and forth where you get progressively more annoyed with me or you can let him front again." You say with a calm look on your face. You can see the muscles in Jake's jaw work as he glares at you as if he'll be able to set you on fire if he only thinks about it hard enough, then, there's a switch. Wide eyes look at you with confusion.

"What did you do?" Steven asks.

"Nothing." You shake your head blinking innocently at him.

"He's muttering angrily in Spanish."

"All I did was say I don't think he's vegan." You shrug and Steven laughs so hard he has to sit down.

"All you did was say you didn't think he wasn't vegan? He's not!" Steven chuckles.

"Well- I also may have implied that he's not as complex as he thinks he is and while I didn't mean it as a negative I can see how someone like him might take it the wrong way."

"Someone like him?"

"Jake seems like the type who makes a point to maintain a level of emotional distance between himself and anyone he comes in contact with. Perhaps it's his way of ensuring he's an effective protector, I don't know I'd have to talk to him more to find out but I think he values that ability to keep people at arm's length and I think he doesn't like that I can read him in any capacity even though it's mostly surface level information I've gathered. The implication that I can figure anything out without him telling me the thing- I don't think he took that well."

"Then- he's going to hate when Marc tells you pretty much everything about him."

"He doesn't have to. Marc I mean. I don't need him to tell me about Jake." You shake your head.

"I know, so does he. He still will. Because you've met him. And he likes having someone other than us to talk to about our situation. I- like it too."

"Oh- well in that case either of you can talk to me about anything. Always." You said to them and you meant it. You still do. You care about them so much, and it took a while but Jake did eventually open up to you. He still tries to maintain his mystery but his tricks don't really work on you the way he thinks they do.

You like to think that at this point you know them all pretty well, which is why this conversation feels very out of character from basically the start.

"Y/n, we have a confession to make." Steven says, avoiding looking at you.

"I hate when you guys do that because it's never something serious. You don't keep serious secrets from me." You say walking into your kitchen to grab water.

"Never say never princessa." Jake's wry smile when you look at him makes your brow furrow.

"Wait did Steven bow out of this so called confession?" You ask.

"Sí, although I think Marc should be the one to tell you this in the first place."

"Well have Marc come out here then, someone start talking before I start getting anxious." You say. Jake nods and blinks.

"We- you are really important to us. Basically the most important person to us besides, you know each other." Marc says.

"I know. That's not exactly a confession though, I've known that for ages." You frown.

"I know, I know, it's just- we've developed romantic feelings for you and we're unsure how to proceed at this point."

"We? As in all of you? Independently of each other, you all have romantic feelings for me?" You ask.

"Yes." He nods.

"And I take it you're telling me because you've known me the longest."

"Also yes." He nods again.

"Okay." You cross your arms.

"Jake suggested we each take you on a date, you know without the others involved- that way you can make an informed decision on being with one of us. The others, of course, will respect whatever choice you make after."

"Each of you- wait a second, what?" You blink at him.

"Well usually when you're with us, we're all so used to you that it's easy for us to just switch in and out as wanted I mean even just now you spoke to all three of us in like ten minutes but we figure if you should experience each of us without the others looming." Marc explains.

"I'm sorry are you trying to Bachelorette me?"

"It seemed like the most efficient way to solve the problem." He nods.

"What problem?"

"We all have feelings for you. It's not like we can decide for you who to be with so we thought this would help you decide. You can set any rules or limits that you feel would make this easier for you of course. The only one we have is that the others are not allowed to butt in under any circumstances." Marc explains.

"So let me get this straight, you all like me, so you each want to take me on a date and let me decide what to do after?" You can't believe the words you're hearing even as you repeat them back.

"Yes exactly." He nods.

"Good god." You breathe out.

"So- are you on board?"

"You're all insane, you know that?"

"Are you with it or not?" Marc asks.

"I think this is ridiculous, but I know how you get. So if this is what you've decided you need, fine." You say. "Steven goes first. Then Jake. Then you. I'll give each of you one week, during which you can pick any day for your date. I won't be sleeping with any of you. I also won't discuss my date with one with the others. And don't discuss them with each other. I know you guys are competitive and the only way I'm going to allow this madness is if it stays friendly. The moment you start fighting it ends because you're family and I'm not dealing with that." You say.

"What are our weeks?" Marc asks.

"I'll text you."

"What?"

"Two days before, I'll text you to let you know your week is going to start. To clarify, on a Friday I'll text you and you'll have that Sunday to the following Sunday." You say.

"That's- short notice."

"Well if I assign you your weeks now, Steven gets less time than Jake who gets less time than you- it's fairer to do it this way." You shrug.

"Okay. Your rules." He nods. There's a moment of silence before Marc speaks again, from the look on his face you'd guess there's discussion in his head. "We're gonna quit while we're ahead. We'll be waiting for your text messages. Goodnight." Marc says sharply and exits your apartment. You chuckle just a little at his abrupt exit but he's definitely right to leave. Back at their own apartment, the trio is in discussion as soon as the door shuts.

"I can't believe she's on board." Marc says.

I can't believe we even presented that to her. Marc sees Steven frowning from the reflection in the fish tank.

"You had no problem with the idea when Jake originally suggested it."

Well the other suggestions were way worse, lesser of evils and all that. Did you see the look on her face? I think we may have actually convinced her that we are completely off our collective rocker.

Honestly, hermano what would you have suggested in place of this? Jake's voice rings in Marc's head, tired and mildly annoyed as is his standard disposition.

I have no idea I'm just saying she thinks we're insane. Also, what is our course of action for when she doesn't pick any of us?

"When? That's pessimistic." Marc frowns.

Did you hear what she said? 'You're family I won't deal with fighting' Do you honestly think there's anything we could say that would convince her that choosing one of us over the other two wouldn't result in chaos among us? She's always made a point to not make any of us feel more favored than the other. She's not going to change that.

"We told her we'd respect her decision-"

Sure we did but anyone can say they'd react favorably to a situation they haven't been in. We don't know for sure that we will be okay if things change. I know that I would put her happiness above mine but you and Jake? I mean Jake would kill for her and even if she doesn't know that it goes that far, she's likely not going to take the chance.

"You don't know that. It's in her hands now. Stop trying to figure out what she's gonna do and worry about your part in this. Or don't. Your choice." Marc walks away from the fish tank, effectively ending the conversation between him and his alters. Maybe this is a crazy plan, but nobody said romance made sense.

***

Taglist: @queerponcho @avengersinitiative2012

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #marc spector #marc spector x reader #steven grant #marc spector fanfiction #marc spector fluff #steven grant fanfiction #jake lockley fluff #moonknight #moonknight x reader #moonknight fanfiction #marc spector angst #steven grant fluff #steven grant angst #jake lockley angst #steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader

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its-vannah · 1 year

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A Toast to the Bride and Groom | Graham Dunne x Reader

A/N: After all the angst Graham content I've been serving, you guys deserved something sweet.

Warnings: Implied sexual encounter (very, very minor), mentions of drug use, alcohol, alcoholism

Daisy Jones and The Six Masterlist

The sound of a fork tapping against someone's wine glass rang through the room, bringing everyone's attention to Graham.

"Before we get started and the band starts embarrassing me in front of my wife, I'd just like to thank all of you for coming today to celebrate with us," Graham said, smiling down at you as he spoke, "It was always my biggest dream to get married and I'm so happy I got to fulfill that with you."

Raising his glass, he looks around the room, grinning from ear to ear, "To Y/N Dunne."

The room erupted with applause and you couldn't help but lean into Graham's side. He eventually took his seat beside you, setting his class down.

Warren stood up not long after, clinking two classes together to get the attention that was already on him. When you come into a formal event wearing a fur vest, bell-bottoms, and round sunglasses, you brought attention to yourself.

Clearing his throat, Warren sat on the edge of the table, much to your parents dismay, "When I first met Graham, he was stick thin and getting over his first girlfriend who broke up with him at his locker. His dramatic ass acted like he'd never be able to move on. But he did, and when I say he upgraded, I mean it. I've never met a girl who puts a smile on my man's face more than Y/N/N. She really has become like a little sister to me. A wiser, smarter, prettier sister who puts up with my bullshit and Graham's."

Your mother cringes at his use of language, digging her nails into her fists as she throws you "the look." But you didn't pay her any mind.

Warren continued, "She allows us to continue our sword fights in their living room, encourages him to keep pursuing music, and loves him fully."

Looking around the room, clearing nearing being full on drunk, he winked at you and Graham, "I remember the night when she showed him how much she loved him."

To your left, your mother sank into her chair, her head in her hands. The two of you had told her you were waiting until marriage.

"To Y/N/N and peaches!" Warren said, holding up both glasses, pouring them both into his mouth, which ended with him pouring a glass directly down his chest.

Awkward silence and a few claps ensued, with Karen standing up next, waiting for everyone to quiet down.

"I'll keep it short and sweet, as I know half of have been very friendly with your alcohol, myself included," She began, "To go off of Warren, Graham—you're still awkward and you're still growing, but I think you have found the best woman to grow beside. And Y/N, let me know if you ever need any help babysitting these three."

She gestured to Warren, Eddie, and Graham, raising a brow before taking a seat.

Graham looked expectantly over at his brother, who was sat at his own table with Camila, Julia, and the twins. But Billy didn't move or even acknowledge him. His eyes were focused on the bottle of champagne in front of him, untouched.

Eddie went next, staying seated as he spoke, "Graham and I have known each other since we were kids in Pittsburgh. He was right when he said he was always dreaming of settling down. A big softy, really. But watching him meet and fall in love with Y/N made me realize how important it is to find someone who's right for you."

"Graham, man, I think it goes without saying, but we're happy for you. And Y/N, it's nice to see that he's not moping around anymore wondering if you like him back. Take good care of him, Dunne."

A smile grew on your face at his words, especially when he called you "Dunne." It was official, you married into one of the most famous families in America in the 70's.

Once again, Graham eyed Billy, waiting for him to speak. But he didn't even move.

Daisy stood, looking a bit out of place in her short, flashy dress and knee high boots, her ginger hair contrasting her heavy blue eyeshadow. It completely washed her out, as did all the drugs she was doing.

"Y/N was one of my first real friends who I could come to with anything. I trust her whole heartedly. She allows me to be—She lets—I'm the free spirit I am and she lets—She supports me."

Nothing she said was coherent, but she continued, "Graham, such a sweetheart. You two—congrats. You deserve the, you deserve... Congratulations."

Silence fell upon the room as she sat down in her chair. It broke your heart to see her like that, strung up on God knows what.

Graham squeezed your hand and before you knew it, your mother had raised her glass, tapping on it before rising to her feet.

"I remember the day I brought my daughter home from the hospital. She was so small in my arms, fast asleep as I carried her inside. It's hard to believe that she's married now. I feel like you should still be in my arms, asking me to check under your bed for monsters or sing you to sleep," She sighed, "Graham, you're a lovely boy. I never thought, and still don't think, anyone deserves my girl. But out of all the men she could've found, I'm happy it was you."

You knew her words were just for show, but for a moment, you let it all feel real.

She raised a glass, "To my sweet, beautiful, smart baby girl, and Graham."

He let out a small laugh beside you, shaking his head, whispering, "Only Mrs. L/N..."

Your head rested on his shoulder as Camila stood, "Billy's feeling a little under the weather today, so I'm speaking on his behalf, if you don't mind."

Graham felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest. His own brother couldn't put his own problems aside for one day? One day that wasn't about him?

Trying to restrain his tears, Graham nodded, forcing s smile on his face.

"Graham, I remember when Billy first introduced me to you. I'd never had a brother growing up, but you gave me the chance of getting firsthand experience. You were kind and funny, and especially good at the guitar then, and you're all those things and more now."

"Being married myself, I can't tell you what an honor it is to see the two of you finally together. There will be highs and lows for the rest of your lives together, but I have no doubt you'll rise above every obstacle that comes your way."

"Graham, Y/N, I'm so incredibly happy for the two of you. Mrs. Dunne, you've got a good one there, take good care of him for us."

For the next sixty five years, that's exactly what you did.

#fanfiction #daisy jones and the six fanfic #daisy jones fanfic #daisy jones & the six #daisy jones and the six #dj&ts #djats #taylor jenkins reid #taylor reid #graham dunne x y/n #graham dunne x reader #grahamdunne #graham dunne #fanfic #fan fic

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angelsmist · 1 year

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UNEXPECTED CIRCUMSTANCES - HBCU!SHURI X READER

prompt: a leak in your residence hall calls for unexpected pairings…

contains - cursing, shuri x fem!reader,

disclaimers - this is not my idea!! all credits to @vargskelegore for hbcu shuri. it is an amazing idea. however, the storyline is mine. also, i would prefer if only black people read this story, simply because it is a reader insert specifically for us. thank you <3

this will be a continuous story that i use, but with different prompts. but it will follow about the same storyline. feel free to request !

“Girl, are you fucking serious?”

“Look, my girlfriend offered and I have no reason to decline. I’m sorry.”

You resisted the urge to lunge at your roommate. There was a monoxide leak in your dorm, meaning that you two were kicked out of your housing, amongst many, many others. Both of you agreed that it’d be better to just get a nearby hotel for the time being, but at last minute she switched up and decided to stay with her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s roomie.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to find anyone else on such short notice because, who the hell would accept a third person, especially a stranger, into a dorm meant for two?

“So, what am I supposed to do then? Nobody’s gonna wanna room with me, and I don’t have enough money to pay for any hotels nearby right now,” You argued, practically fuming. The agreement was to split the bill, but now that she had backed out, there was no way for you to pay solo.

“I’m sorry, (name). I’ll try and ask people if they have room to squeeze you in, but for now, just worry about finishing the rest of your classes. We’ll talk later.”

You shut your eyes, huffing loudly. “Okay. But I swear, if I can’t find a place to stay tonight-“

“Chill,” Your roommate, Tati cut you off. “We’ll figure out something.”

“We better,” You grumbled, readjusting your laptop and notebook in hand before turning on your heel to get to your next class.

You had history next, a class that you were dreading simply because your professor was an absolute snooze fest. Nothing in that class was enjoyable.

Well, scratch that. There was just one thing to look forward to in that class.

That happened to be because of the girl who sat next to you during that class. It was none other than the princess of Wakanda herself.

Towards the end of freshman year in college, there were rumors that the Princess Shuri would be enrolling there. It was all just talk, though, so you never really trusted it. Plus, out of all places, why would literal royalty waste her time at a college when she could be traveling the world?

You had moved back in a few weeks before the first day and thought your mind was playing tricks on you when you saw her while you were trying to figure out where your dorm was supposed to be.

You hadn’t even realized you were staring until her eyes eventually met yours. She offered a smile, but you stupidly stared back at her dumbfounded, still in shock. That got a laugh out of her as she walked away, leaving you feeling incredibly stupid.

That encounter had lived freely in your mind for a long time. You even told Tati about it, which only made her laugh at you and mock you for actual months about it. She couldn’t blame you, though. The princess was fine as hell.

What you didn’t know was that you’d get a second chance later to make a better impression.

Surprised would be an understatement when you saw Shuri enter your history class. You hoped your mind was playing tricks, but looking around, just about everyone had the same reaction as you.

You looked away from the princess, not wanting a repeat of last time. Everyone else in the class silently hoped that Shuri would make the choice of sitting next to them.

It was when you heard shuffling on the opposite side of you that you realized someone had taken the seat on the very end of the row you were sitting in.

The seat next to you.

And well, the rest was history. Heh, get it?

“You look stressed,” Shuri noted, snapping you out of your thoughts. It was like your brain had been in auto-pilot while you were walking to class.

Shutting your eyes, you grumbled in frustration. “Is it that obvious?”

She hummed in response with a nod, sitting up from her chair to shift closer to you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nah, we can talk about this later. We got a presentation due like next week and we’ve barely started,” You dismissed, pulling up Powerpoint. You two had been paired up for a project.

“Yes, but I know you, and I know we won’t be able to do this assignment properly until you tell someone why you are so tense.”

“Okay, first of all, you don’t gotta call me out like that.” You narrowed your eyes at the princess. “Second of all, you heard about that leak in one of the residence halls?”

Shuri’s nod was your signal to continue. “Yeah, so, I was living there. And my plan was to book a hotel room with my roommate until the college can get us a more permanent place to stay, but she just backed out at last minute because of another offer. A free one. I can’t afford to buy my own room, so as of now, I literally have nowhere to live. Like, most of my stuff is in my locker in the locker room.”

“You should’ve said something sooner,” Shuri chuckled, tapping her pencil against her notebook. “Like texted me, or something. You can room with me for tonight. Or however long you need to.”

There was no way you’d turn down that offer. “Seriously? You’re okay with me crashing for a little?”

“Of course. It gets lonely every once in a while and I have enough space for two. Consider it a thank you for helping me adjust to college in the first few weeks,” Shuri confirmed, a smile playing at her lips.

“You are a lifesaver,” You breathed out, nodding at your friend. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

Once class ended, you told Shuri you’d meet her in the quad as soon as majorette practice ended. Unfortunately, it was a whole lot longer than you had anticipated. The worst part was, it was an outside practice, so not only did you have to work your ass off, you also had to do with the heat of the sun basically frying you.

Practice could not be over soon enough. By the time it did end, the sun had already began to set and the sky turned a cool blue. You hadn’t had the chance to tell Shuri you’d probably be a little later than you told her because you didn’t have time.

You grabbed your water bottle, wiping sweat off your neck. When you felt a tap on the shoulder, you turned around to see Tati. “Hey, you know Kendall? That junior who bombed her tryout for the team? She has a free spot in her dorm cause the last girl moved out.”

You furrowed your eyebrows suspiciously. “Why’d she move out?”

Tati shrugged in response. “I don’t know, but I could ask her if you want.”

“Nah, I think she has like, a personal vendetta against me. Pretty sure I took her spot this year,” You replied.

“Girl, that wasn’t her spot. She messed up that audition all on her own,” Tati spoke, only half-joking.

You laughed at her harsh, but true words. “It’s all cool, though. I found a temporary roommate, anyways.”

“That’s good! I’m sorry again for bailing on you at last minute.”

“Don’t worry, I get it. We don’t got the money to be booking hotels when there’s a free option. You’re good.” You smiled, closing your water bottle.

You and Tati looked at the other group of majorettes socializing and noticed they had stopped talking to stare at something. Or rather, someone.

“Is that the princess?” You heard one say.

Tati turned to you. “Quick, look away before you end up staring at her like a deer in headlights again.”

You narrowed your eyes at your roommate. “Funny.”

You looked to the entrance of the large stadium that your group was practicing near and you couldn’t say that you weren’t surprised to see Shuri coming through them, looking around your group as if searching for something.

Once her gaze met yours, her eyes lit up as she began to walk towards you. It was like she didn’t even notice the entire team gawking at her.

“Hey, I was getting worried,” Shuri greeted you with a grin. “Are you ready to go?”

You looked at her slightly confused. “Wha…oh! You here for me?”

The princess looked at you as if you were crazy. “Who else would I be here for?”

“Right.” You mentally face-palmed, shutting your eyes for a moment in embarrassment. “I’ll be ready in a second, can you just meet me in the locker room so I can get my stuff out of there?”

Shuri nodded silently before turning away and heading towards the locker rooms just like you had asked.

When you turned to Tati, her eyes were practically bulging out of her head. “You didn’t tell me your new roommate was the princess!”

Tati must’ve said it too loudly, because her word quickly attracted the attention of your teammates, who began to walk towards you.

You knew exactly how this was gonna end. You’d be bombarded with questions you didn’t feel like answering, nor feel comfortable answering. You sent a wave to Tati before jogging towards the doors Shuri had just left through.

“You better tell me everything!” You heard Tati yell before exiting.

#shuri x reader #shuri x f!reader #black panther fic #shuri x you #hbcu!shuri #shuri x black!reader #shuri x fem!reader #fanfic #shuri udaku

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mysteryshoptls · 1 year

Text

SSR Lilia Vanrouge Dorm Uniform Personal Story: Part 3

"I'm a pro!"

(Part 1) (Part 2) Part 3

[Diasomnia Dorm – Lilia's Room]

Silver: Father. Has the bat had its dinner?

Lilia: I gave him a larger meal for lunch, so it'll be fine if dinner's a little delayed.

Silver: Is that… right…!?

Lilia: Yep, that's right!

[Courtyard]

Sebek: Lilia-sama! It seems that bat is unable to get down from the apple tree.

Lilia: Oooh. I was wondering where it had gotten to.

Lilia: …Hm? Wait, no, I must have left it there when I took a rest on that branch earlier.

Lilia: And yet it just stayed hanging there. I guess it hasn't recovered well enough to go flying off on its own yet.

Sebek: If that is the case, I shall go rescue…

Lilia: No need, I'm sure it's good training for the little guy. Leave it there for now.

Sebek: Eeh!? B-But it would be dangerous if it were to fall…

Lilia: There's grass underneath, right? It won't be no serious matter. If it happens to get hurt, we just have to heal it again!

Sebek: Silver…

Sebek: I may have gained respect for you for the first time just now.

[Diasomnia Dorm - Malleus's Room]

Malleus: It seems I lost track of time while reading, it's gotten quite late. I suppose I should go lie down… Hm?

[door closes]

Malleus: That sound… It seems someone has left their room. The only one I can think of who would be awake at this time would be…

[Diasomnia Dorm – Lounge]

Malleus: Ah, as I thought, Lilia.

Lilia: Ho, Malleus. You're up quite late.

Malleus: As are you. Oh, and I see the bat is with you.

Lilia: That's right. It's because this little one's wing has completely healed.

Lilia: I'm about to take it outside.

Lilia: Isn't that right, little one? It's all thanks to my tender nurturing that you're all okay. You can go ahead and thank me.

Malleus: I'm not sure about "tender nurturing"…

Malleus: It felt like I was observing Silver's hectic childhood days all over again.

Malleus: …This must be what people mean when they use the term "nostalgic."

Lilia: Back then, every single day was an absolute whirlwind.

Lilia: Oh yes, there was one time when Silver slipped out of his cradle when we were napping in the park.

Lilia: "He'll come back eventually," I thought to myself, and just sat around waiting…

Lilia: But when the Zigvolt family arrived with their own children to play in the park, they scolded me terribly.

Lilia: "A normal child won't come home by itself!" they shouted, so very angrily.

Lilia: I searched all over the city… And yet I couldn't find him at all.

Malleus: I heard that at the end of all that, Sebek's family found and watched over Silver.

Lilia: Yes. I cannot thank them enough.

Lilia: And that includes appreciating them for sternly asking me, "Can you really raise a child when you're like this?"

Lilia: I'm sure they truly cared for Silver as if he were their own child…

Lilia: After that, every time I inevitably needed to leave our home, they insisted on taking care of Silver.

Lilia: They often watched over him until Silver was old enough to stay at home by himself.

Malleus: To have him to disappear like that… I can understand why Sebek's parents would worry deeply about him.

Lilia: When that happened, I also was truly ashamed.

Lilia: …But you know, Malleus. I have taken this role of child-rearing very seriously, in my own way.

Lilia: It is the same now as it was been, nothing has changed.

Lilia: It's not always the case that there would be someone by your side to extend a kind, helping hand.

Lilia: If you go out into the world, there may be days that you must go to sleep hungry, without a satisfying meal.

Lilia: There may also be days in which you will experience failure, or encounter setbacks, which could cause you to lose heart.

Lilia: And yet, for as long as we're alive, there will be moments in which one must stand and face their troubles on their own.

Lilia: Not once, not twice, but many times over. …They must learn to handle those dour circumstances while they are still under their parent's protection.

Malleus: So, everything you had done up until now followed that method of thinking? I suppose when you say it that way…

Malleus: This bat that you cared for looks as if it will thrive wonderfully in the wild.

Lilia: Kufufu, doesn't it just? You can keep praising me, if you'd like.

Malleus: …You were heading out to release the bat, were you not? I'll join you.

Malleus: …What a beautiful full moon.

Lilia: Yes. This night sky is perfect for the beginning of its journey.

[flutter, flutter, flutter]

[Diasomnia Dorm]

Malleus: This sound… Look, Lilia. I see a cauldron of bats flying above us.

Lilia: Must be this little one's friends. We cannot let this chance pass us by.

Lilia: Come, don't keep clutching onto my hand forever. Hurry and fly, go on.

Malleus: …Heh, it seems to really like you. It doesn't want to part from you at all.

Lilia: Oh, bother. There is this super high-level quest I need to tackle on my online game right after this.

Lilia: I cannot have you keep me here forever. Go on, hurry and get.

[shakes arm vigorously]

Lilia: So you're going to stick to me, even after I shake my arm like so… Good gracious. I don't recall raising you to be so spoiled.

Lilia: No matter the creature, there will come a time that they will have to decide for themselves.

Lilia: Don't miss this chance to leave. This is it.

[flutter, flutter]

Malleus: …Ah. It flew off.

Lilia: You did it～! Don't fall to the ground anymore, alright～～?

Lilia: …Oh, it was able to rejoin its colony. So this quest has been cleared ♪

Malleus: Indeed. But still, you're quite the stern one, Lilia. I was not expecting you to forcefully shake off that bat who had grown so attached to you.

Malleus: Were you pretending to not care so much for it, so as to not let it be left behind by its flock?

Lilia: What are you saying? Like I said earlier, right after this, I have that super high-level quest…

Lilia: Ah!!

Lilia: If I keep standing around here, I'll be late to meet Gloomy Samurai at our promised time!

Lilia: Malleus, I'm heading back to my room! Don't stay up too late!!!

Malleus: There he goes. He's really not the type to give any sort of lingering goodbyes.

Malleus: Hearing his stories, I always thought he was simply being careless while child-rearing…

Malleus: Yet in the end, when it comes to Lilia, everything may just be all due to his lax personality.

Malleus: What a complicated one he is.

(Part 1) (Part 2) Part 3

#twisted wonderland #twst #lilia vanrouge #malleus draconia #sebek zigvolt #twst lilia #twst malleus #twst sebek #twst silver #twst translation #mention: idia

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poemnic-tarot · 1 year

Text

Light & Shadow. What part of yourself you cannot see?

1 -2

3-4

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

(Disclaimer : This is a general reading please only take what resonate. For entertainment purposes only)

Pile 1🪲

Light: Buffalo, Son of Pentacle. “I haven't met all of me yet"

"It was never a question of biology of nature or nurture. I know now that we healed up through being loved and through loving others"

Light side that you don't see about yourself Pile 1, is that you are a slow and steady win the race kind of person. This trait is very admirable because whereas a lot of people would have get impatient and give up. You slow and steadily and patiently work toward what you want. Your trust in yourself and where you can go is unmatched. Your faith in your abilities, skills and the Divine is quite rare and extremely admirable.

You know deep within your heart that in order to grow a flower you must tend to it consistently, diligently and with love and care. We grow more beautiful where we are loved. You know that in order to be successful in your ventures (whether it's career, hobbies or relationships) it does need hard work, consistently and most importantly, faith in your own ability to make it work. And you have it, you have this faith in yourself that you might not realised.

You are also a very loyal person whether to people you considered your people or even to a particular place, or brand. You are a person who does not give up easily (especially in relationship). When someone need a reassurance or help solving a problem, they would definitely come to you Pile 1, because whether you know it or not a lot of people think of you first when they come across an impossible challenge. They would go "oh Pile 1 can definitely do it". This is not in a "I'm going to used Pile 1 to solve my problem for me" kind of way, but in a more, admirable for your skill, talent and your ability to overcome any impossible challenges. However, there is no obligation for you to help someone if you do not want to. But this is what your light side want to say to you that you have not been noticing.

"We are hard to kill, hard to defeat, our faith in the heaven and ourselves is unrivalled. We alway get what we want eventually and people trust us completely and they are right to because any challenges coming our way will be inevitably defeated. So trust in our ability to walk through mud and dark forest."

"I trust myself to go through hell because I trust myself to get out"

The word to describe your light side is Persistent. Which means it will never die. And that’s really scary to be honest. Persistently shining no matter what come at it.

Poems : Revaluation by @cant-find-my-name

There’s alway going to be a losing battle

It’s an inevitable encounter

But that doesn’t mean you should

Lose hope,

Failure doesn’t alway mean the end

As long as you’re breathing

You can still follow

The string of rope

That has alway been tied to you

And your fated destination…..

Song: The Rumbling by SiM

Shadow : Fire ant, 7 of swords. “This moment will just be another story someday"

Where there's light, there will alway be a shadow. One cannot exist without the other. Pile 1, your shadow side that you cannot see is that you tend to not be as discerning as you could have been about what you're getting into or committed to. You are a very committed person, hard to give up when you're decided to do something, but that also means, you can get stuck on a situation or promises that you can't fulfil. Or can fulfil but at your own expense and that can indicate a poor discernment on whether what you are committing to is worth it or not. Whether what you're committing to is a person, a job, or even a hobbies, a brand etc, bring you nothing but drama, headaches, negativity, gossips, overall not good energy.You might have to ask yourself, 'why do I feel like I need to be loyal to these kind of people, places, brands, etc?'. When all you get in return is anything but peace.

Your shadow self urges you to be very discern on who you share your secret or even your goals with because they might not have the best intention. Even if you think there's no harm in sharing them, or because you're very passionate and excited to share your ideas.Your shadow urges you to protect them for a while, unless, rumours will spreads and your name will be at the centre. Not in a good way. Your shadow have a tendency to overshare and spreads informations that you, yourself are still unsure about. You might think it's fine, no big deal but your words are quite powerful and people tend to listen to you and take your words seriously, so please be extra careful on what you are saying about other people and about yourself. Because weirdly, people tend to remember what you said to them or about them distinctly.

Poem: You wish by @cant-find-my-name

…….. You hated my wings

You aimed and try

To shoot it down

Too many times

But miss and then

It hit

And we both were surprised

To find a phoenix

Rising from ashes

Once again, the dead did not collect

However much

You Wish

Songs : Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush

Book : Focus by Daniel Goldman

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

Pile 2🌻

Light : Dragon, 4 of Pentacles. “And when tomorrow comes, you'll call it today. Time remains an illusory play."

Pile 2, What you did not see about your light side is that, you are quite a powerful person, specifically a powerful manifestor. I get a feeling that there's nothing you cannot manifest. As well as, you are extremely intuitive, even psychic. You can sense and see illusions, and things ordinary person would not be able to even comprehend. You have quite a skill and a good grasp of concept of realms and dimensions, and you are not even just powerful here in the 3D, but it seems you are quite active in many places/realms/realities/dimensions. Your light is strong, wide spreads. You see all, no lies or illusion can go passed you. It would be hard to fool or scam you Pile 2.

Your light side that you cannot see, yet, is that it can create something from nothing. Entrepreneurial vibes, build something up from the ground, from your own will power alone. And you have scarily good instinct Pile 2. Your success, in the materials world come from your own ideas and intuition. Never underestimate what you feel, even without proof, because almost, alway, you were right. It would be hard to play or even attack you Pile 2, not even just in the 3D, but also you are extremely aware in all realms/realities/dream realms, etc. One word to describe your light side is "Omnipotent",see all. Trust what you see or feels because that's your light speaking to you.

You also have extremely good self-control. It's hard to budge you from your goal, on what you decided to go for. Example, when you say you're not going to drink for a month, you won't. No amount of temptation or cajoling would break you down. Even when you attended a party full of alcohol. You still did not lose self control. This is one of the light side that you might not realised is within you Pile 2. Your light side is very protected of you, whether you know it or not, nothing can get pass you.

Poem : Hidden strength by @cant-find-my-name

My heart is brave but my mind is not

How can I make my intrusive thoughts

Stop.

Red flag, red light, demonise

Why do I think that everyone is a devil in disguise

Why can’t I believe in goodness

Kind heart, My angels, my spirit guides

I need more trust in me

I don’t want to be stuck

With my shadow for what seem like Eternity,

Kindness, kind heart, innocent,

That was all I am

Why can’t I see that I’m strong?

Strong enough to banish what doesn’t

Belong.

Song: Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves

Shadow side : Horse, 2 of Swords, “To tell the different between the absence of treatment opposed to the evidence of mistreatment"

"You don't notice your progress in life because you are alway raising the bar"

Pile 2, a shadow side that you did not see is that you tend to be extremely hard on yourself. Expect yourself to alway be doing something, anything. Achieving things, finishing one goal and what's next?. Alway planning the next steps ahead without taking the time to reflect and truly think on why you need to fulfil that particular goal so bad. This shadow trait love to watch you go way past your limit. Push yourself over the edge for something that doesn't fulfil you truly. Maybe reevaluate your priory, examine your list/tasks that you deemed important and see if self-care, relaxation is on that list. Because it is important for you to be doing nothing, to have fun doing absolutely nothing. It would be quite dangerous for you to be so concentrated on the material world, because it is a black hole where when one has fallen down, it's nearly impossible to come back up. Your shadow trait want you to questioned and reflect on, what do you consider to be 'true wealth'?.

Pile 2, sometimes you go too far, do almost anything to achieve your goals and watch out for that. When you found yourself compromising your integrity and personal values to get what you want. Then it's really time to reevaluate your priority.

Poem: Plateau Fever by @cant-find-my-name

Can you promise me something?

Let me be happy, give me my peace

As I learned my lesson

Nothing was taken

But nothing was given either

And I’m here flowing

Stuck in this Plateau Fever

Never dream of betterness

Thought it was impossible

A star too far to grab

Now my mindset is shifting

Now I believe in the better

I know goodness

They do last

Song : My Little Love by Adele

Book : Circe by Madeline Miller

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

Pile 3🪁

Light : Lamb, Son of Pentacles. "And there will be nights when your life will fall apart and no one will notice the morning you spent putting it back together"

(Quite similar to Pile 1, might want to check it out)

Pile 3, Light side of yourself you cannot see is that you are a very honest person. Trust worthy and have a strong integrity. People can/ tend to trust you with their delicate secret, such as, their credit card number, affairs etc. That is how trust worthy you are. You are also a grounded person, lots of earth energy. People feel safe and protected around you pile 3, like you have their back and are extremely reliable, especially in an emergency. They know to trust you to tell them the truth, tell them like how it is, even if it's not pleasant to do so. "Truth is a gift", and your light side is like a gift to the people. Precious, special, delicate but not fragile.

You are also very determined and patient. Slow and steady win the race kind of person. You are a type to bring support, lift people up and contribute in a big way into people lives, not adding drama, troubles or headaches. Life is easier for people, with you in their life Pile 3. You are very patient and consistent in every area of your life, work, friendship, hobbies, etc. People know what to expect from you and that is a good thing because this light trait of yours make people feel a sense of stability, predictability, and reliability. You have this consistency in your character which make people trust quite easily. "I know pile 3 will come prepare, or Pile 3 will alway have my back."

Your light side or maybe physical vessel might seem delicate but people would be shocked with how much you can endured or how much you had gone through pile 3.People would never guess that you had such a hard time because you come across as someone who have everything in order and there is nothing that is wrong in your life. But that just how you come across, even in your energy, but that is not necessary the truth. The truth is Pile 3, you went to shit, hell and back and able to make it look easy and effortless. Just another day in the office. But if people were to be in your position they would be shocked in how much you have to carried on your shoulders (traumas wise), and surprised by how light you still are, despite what you went through?. It's a mystery to the people and a testament to your strength.

Your light side is strong Pile 3, but in a way that's unexpected. You are strong in your honesty, vulnerability, your conviction and your ability to stand your ground. Your light side can get you through any bad situations and come out on top, come out still you, every time.(Pure) Because whereas most people would give up, you continue to step forward, step by step, consistently, no matter the weathers. That is why people trust you so much because they know you will alway show up no matter what, for them, for yourself, for justice.

Poem : The Truth Doesn’t Sell by @cant-find-my-name

No sooner or later

You’d notice an elephant in the

Living room

The clouds obscuring the

Moon

Plants growing between concrete

Your silence spreads

Like deadly diseases……

(See full poem at @cant-find-my-name )

Song: Back to You by Flower Face

Shadow: High Priestess/Octopus. "When you love what you have, you have everything"

Pile 3

You got a major arcana (High Priestess) as your shadow self. This means that you got a major part of your self hidden in the shadow that you haven't been brought to light, yet. This side of you have an extremely strong intuition but you tend to ignore it. This side of you seem to questioned the intangible, the magic, the sprit side of thing. The things that cannot be proven, which means it's not real right?. Sometime the truth is in the feeling Pile 3,no need to touch it, cause you can't touch emotions but emotions are very real even though it's not tangible. This shadow side find it hard to trust in the unknown. You can trust hard work, day to day, the result from it, but a miracle that strike like lightning and made no sense and come from no where?, No way!. This shadow side of yours find it hard to have faith in the Divine. It is so attached and stuck in the 3D. Maybe too focused on what you can see, and ignore the sighs from your very strong, very real intuition, where you have to closed your eyes to see. Not everything that you think you need is in the 3D will bring that sense of security you are alway chasing.This shadow trait of yours, Pile 3, would have you work extra hard, extra diligent to get that promotion, that car, that house because you think you need it in order to feel secure and safe in this world. But true security comes from within, it come from connection within ourselves first and foremost and the connection between you and the source/Divine.That is the true security where it will truly make you feel safe in this world, the ability to trust one’s own intuition and something bigger than us.

Whenever you feel the need to chase that achievement in order to feel secure, sit still and connect with your own intuition because it would tell you to stop looking externally. It would tell you that you are enough as you are. You are the person you can love 100%.Your shadow self want you to trust in something bigger than yourself more.

Poem: Guiding light by @cant-find-my-name

Walk with me

Take my hand

I’ll guide you to where I am

Passing hidden memories

The illusion that drown out the

Objectivity.

I’ll replace it back to you

And show you the Objective truth….

(See full poem at @cant-find-my-name )

Song : Two by sleeping at last

Book : Wisdom of insecurity by Alan Watts

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

Pile 4🥨

Light: Crocodile/Ace of Pentacles."People liked to focus on the things they couldn't have"

Pile 4, your light side is very patient, wise and observant. You have great inner discernment and wisdom to know what actually really matter. What is truly important. You know where to focus on to achieve your goals or to even be in a fulfilment/peaceful state in life. You know what to focus on in your life, which is the positive side of life. You take your time before you rush into things. Impulsiveness is not in your vocabulary. You need to observe and gather important information in order to make your move on anywhere or anything, whether that is a project, relationships. You might be good in investment, or a start up because you have the characteristic for it. Example, where people would focus on the profit, fame, status of entrepreneurialship. However, your light side know what to focus on, which is what is truly most important in life, the service, how can your business serve your community. How can we be of service to this earth, the humanity?.These are the big question your light side have an eyes for. You can see the whole picture, while most people only focused on themselves and what they can gain. Pile 4, you would make a stable, consistent leader. It's hard for you to succumb to instant gratification, you would be surprise how much you can hold back more than average on instant gratification,when you know the wait is worth it.Example, you won't buy a cheap furniture right now and saved and invested in a good quality ones where it will last you longer. Your ability to wait to strike when the timing is right is a strength you might not notice about your self because it just comes naturally to you, and Pile 4, when you strike at something, you never miss.

Poem: Kindness win by @cant-find-my-name

How kind of you to smile when you rather

Not

How kind of you to say ‘sorry’ first

How kind of you to notice unhappiness

In someone

How kind of you to hold the door

Open,

Every little gestures count

The impact life changing sometime

And you may never notice

How kind you are or the choices you made

Were kind……..

Song : come back home by BTS

Shadow: Horse/Justice."What suffering is behind your anger?"

Pile 4, your shadow side that you might not see is that you have more choices than you think. There might have been a limited mindset or limited viewpoint that you have.You might be unconsciously believed that your choice is limited. Your shadow side believes, that true freedom doesn't really exist. There has to be sacrifice, alway. There is no such things as true freedom. This side of yours feel limited, caged in, like you have to choose this or that and one is right and one is wrong, so you better choose the right one. Pile 4, the world is not black or white. There are truly no right or wrong choice for you to make, just one where it would benefit you or benefit others. Some choice might be right and seems wrong and vice versa, and some choices can be both. It's not neither or, it either and. I think this side of your feel that it has been making choices/ choosing a path that might have been benefiting others more than yourself, to the point of imbalance. Where it cannot helped but feel resentment towards others even though it was your own choice to do so. Example, I want to go for that promotion but since this co-worker of mine also want to, I choose not to and give it to them instead because they need it more?, something like that. And this side of yours that really want to go for that promotion wondered why can't we strive for it?, for our goals?, for ourselves.

Why do we have to make a choice benefiting others but not us?, what about us?. Why we need to hold back our momentum because of others?. Your shadow want you to run free, especially with your choices, express your wants and needs more. Want to dye your hair red?, go for it, no need to think if that person will approve of it or not. It is not their decision to make but yours. Go for what you aim for without the need to see if everyone is okay with it or not. You will find your buried anger/resentment will be abated after you acknowledge this shadow trait of yours, notice when you tend to hold back even to your own detriment, example, not confessing your feeling for A because you know B likes A, so you would give your way to B. Say it for yourself, do it for you. And F other people for once.

Poem: Show me by @cant-find-my-name

Surely, I must be sick

On the verge of death

The longing so deep

So agonising

Yearning for a miracle to exist

Or else, all my ability to feel

Will simply perish

I’ve lived on this earth

For far too long

To not be falling in love

Or be loved in return……