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writing-whump · 3 months

Note

Um, hello. ^^ Anonymous Matthew's fangirl here 😅 Could we know something more about his past, and Marcella maybe? Flashback or not. With some dose of whump, of course. 🐺

Pretty please. ^^

Thank you for the request, nonny! I'm honoured that Matthew has a fan 🥰 love the wolf emoji there 🐺😊💙.

Hopeless

Matthew was lying on the sidewalk, dirt and small stones digging into his right cheek. His vision went dark for second and it was still hazy. Where did all the other wolves go? There was a group of them just a minute ago...

"Oi. You aren't dead, are you? Wake up."

The voice was unfamiliar, rough, annoyed. Matthew didn't feel inspired to give it an answer.

"They are gone. You are safe. Hey. Get up."

Someone must have helped chase the others away, when he fell to the ground and blacked out. But shouldn't a savior sound more friendly? Who was this guy?

When Matthew scrunched his eyes, he could see a mop of curly unruly blond hair and weirdly light brown eyes that almost looked yellow in the blinding sunlight.

"Mhhhhgr?" Matthew blinked, trying to lift himself on his arms, but shooting lighting pain at the lower part of his back left him breathless and nosediving back to the ground. Christ, that hurt. Who hit him in the back like that? Good sportsmanship indeed.

"Where's your shadow, eh? Heal yourself up. Seriously." Hector sounded even more annoyed now, like he had to deal with a problem he really didn't like.

Matthew tried very very feebly to call his shadow, but it jolted away from his grasp. He wasn't sure if it was humiliated, scared to be caught in such a state or just disobeying when he least needed it. But his back was hurting too much and his ears were ringing enough that he really didn't have the energy to fight for control and get more nauseous and discerned than he was.

"What a pathetic thing you are. And you are my brother's second? Tsch."

Matthew closed his eyes, feeling Hector moving away. Maybe he would finally leave him alone to black out and feel miserable in peace.

Then he felt his hands on his shoulders, going under him and hoisting him up.

Matthew groaned at the movement and the accompanying pain. "You want to kill me?"

"Tsk. If I wanted that, I wouldn't have bothered helping."

Hector helped him? That was entirely impossible. Matthew didn't even bother checking. Isaiah's mean accusatory and barky little brother that had nothing nice to say about him? Matthew didn't know what exactly the issue was, but someone who wasn't willing to give Isaiah even a chance, who could believe he could do anything with bad intentions...

Like okay, Isaiah was mysterious and a martyr and annoyingly guilty and insecure about every little thing. But that only made Matthew think the ones who got the chance to know him, really know him, should defend him all the more. Even from himself.

In that regard, Hector was a complete failure Matthew didn't want to bother with. And he suspected the feelings were mutual.

But here they were, Hector throwing Matthew's arms around his neck and dragging him to the nearest bench.

"Hey. Dead-head. Should I call a taxi? Can you get back on your own?" Still sounding way too disgusted for Matthew's tastes. Though it was actually kinda helpful of him? Kinda.

Matthew slumped against the bench, teeth gritted from pain. His back was seriously messed up. His eyes were watering just from the effort to sit, not to mention move and his shadow wasn't listening, when he needed it and...

And he really just wanted Isaiah.

"Can you...could you call Isaiah?" Matthew said between wheezing breaths. He tried leaning over his knees, but it made him more light-headed. Nausea was climbing up his spine, cold sweat washing over him in waves.

"Please." Yeah. Matthew felt utterly too pathetic to care today.

Hector's head went back a little at the word. He grumbled something, scrolling up and down through his contacts. "I...don't have his number. You got a phone on you."

Matthew shook his head, pressing his lips together. Cold heaviness was pooling in his stomach and he knew that would be trying to climb out soon. He didn't carry his phone on his runs.

The wolves attacked him out of nowhere. Three against one. Isaiah would understand. He wasn't so sure Hector would.

The blond in question clicked his tongue. "Ugh. Fine. I'll call a taxi and take you home, how about that."

Matthew didn't comment at what it showed, that Hector knew Isaiah's address, been invited there in need, but didn't bother to save his phone number. Utterly insufferable, this guy.

Hector all but insulted the taxi driver into coming, then sat down next to Matthew, his leg jumping nervously.

Matthew closed his eyes, taking slow careful breaths through his nose. His back was burning steadily, and he was too warm and his hands were shaking. Damn it all.

The car parked sharply on the sidewalk. Hector opened the door, said something to the driver, then returned for Matthew.

"Young man, you aren't going to be sick are you?" The taxi driver asked from inside as Hector circled his arms around Matthew's upper back again, helping him hobble to the car.

"What if I do?" Matthew wanted to sound resentful and rebellious, but the sentence came out more like a whisper.

"Well, the taxi will survive," Hector snarled at the driver who was eying them both in the rear view mirror. He winced and looked away quickly at the scary look on Hector's face.

Matthew slumped against the window, but the more he was sitting the more his back muscles trembled. The pain was getting worse by the moving, and the nausea was spiking. He couldn't imagine how he was supposed to survive when the car started to move.

And as he expected, the car moved and Matthew couldn't suppress a quiet groan. His hands balled into fists, his nails digging into his skin, but it wasn't helping, he was still seeing stars in front of his eyes.

There was something warm and solid, suddenly pressing against his side. Hector's muscular arm around his neck again, pushing Matthew to lean against him, trying to fix him in the spot against the jostling of the car.

Matthew moaned quietly, but it did actually help - he wasn't moving so much, pressed against Hector, face against the crook of his neck. The red wolf squeezed his eyes shut, not having the capacity to think about it.

The car ride was a blur. Matthew stayed like that, eyes squeezed shut, waves of warmth coursing through him, fighting the nausea as it climbed and sank. Hector said nothing, all solid like a statue under Matthew. He must have held himself very tense and strong to fight against the rocking off the car.

Matthew's mind circled and wondered, the darkness enveloping him. The last time he fought three wolves...Matthew was no stranger to being outnumbered. As a teenager, the wolves in his pack had to gang up on him, to suppress his shadow. It was too big, too wild, too out of control. Add that to Matthew's volatile puberty hormones and temper, he had to be beaten and taken control of quite often.

Usually making a giant scene in the process. A scene his mother would angrily scoff over, turning her back. Matthew wasn't worth her time.

Scene enough that his sisters and younger siblings were too wary and horrified to approach him.

Since going to the boarding school, he could only spend his summers at home. And with the scenes he made, he spend most of the time behind their house at the back of the backyard. Outside. Alone.

"Why are you so sad?"

Matthew lifted his head from his crossed hands, hugging his knees. The little girl with strawberry red hair and big blue eyes stared back at him. A little witch. The youngest of his sisters, whole 10 years younger than him. The only witch, the long awaited one by his mother.

Marcella.

Matthew looked at her steadily. "I'm not sad," he grumbled.

"You look sad though." She crouched down, mimicking his pose by hugging her knees. She was only six years old. "Is it because you are alone?"

"I don't mind being alone," he said, baring his teeth. His mother would surely not be pleased that he talked to the witchling. They were very protective of her.

Marcella tilted her head to the side. "You don't look like you don't mind."

Matthew lowered his gaze. "They are all scared of me. Cowards." He said sulkingly, voice breaking a little at the end.

Marcella watched him curiously. "I'm not scared. Can I stay with you?"

Matthew let out a sigh, wiggling closer against the warmth and solidness of a human body beside him...when the car stopped. The sheer lack of the motion he almost got used to jolted him awake, his stomach doing somersaults immediately.

Matthew gagged, pressing his hand against his mouth as his body lurched forward. The movement had spikes of burning needles digging into his back and he moaned.

Hector reached over him, opening the door. The gust of fresh air helped a little, Matthew following the scent as he fought against the next gag. He succeeded in suppressing the wave of slimy coldness, gulping it down resolutely. His chest hitched and his stomach rolled in protest, but he managed.

"Okay. We are here, we are here. You made it." Hector got out through the other side, circling around to crouch next to Matthew, planting a hand on his biceps. "You gonna be okay?"

"Y-...grrr...you are asking me that?" Matthew grumbled, slightly amused. Hector made for a good distraction. Matthew automatically reached for his arm to help himself up and Hector had enough brain and observation skills to take Matthew's weight himself.

"You owe me for the ride," Hector complained with no heat in his tone. Matthew murmed something in return, letting Hector support him. Everything was coming in and out of focus. Maybe for the best he kept his eyes closed.

Matthew didn't even realized when they reached their floor on the elevator, incredibly proud of himself for not throwing up the whole time. He kept his eyes shut. Hector, fortunately, didn't complain.

Hector rang the bell, the familiar sound vibrating through the air on the next side.

Isaiah opened the door. "Matt-"

Matthew all but threw himself at Isaiah, utter relief giving him enough energy to propell himself forward. The black haired wolf caught him despite the surprise, and Matthew gratefully slumped against him. "Oh, dear God, I'm home."

Isaiah splattered for air under the weight. "Matt, what happened?"

"Geez, he is acting like I was no help," Hector grunted, frozen in the doorway at the sight.

"And you were?" Isaiah said sceptically.

Hector scoffed. "Seriously. Found him getting his ass kicked by a bunch of wolves. Chased them away but he ain't healing, so-"

"That's alright," Isaiah jumped in. "Thank you for bringing him." Isaiah didn't close the door, but Matthew still felt like Hector just got dismissed as the oldest wolf retreated back from the hall into the living roon, Matthew still in his arms. "Where are you hurt?"

Matthew groaned against the back of his throat. "Mmy back. Feels like someone stabbed me there."

He could feel Isaiah's hands running over his back as if to check for bleeding cuts, but the skin was intact. It was something deeper, like a pulled muscle. But why did it hurt like that?

Isaiah helped Matthew to lie down on his stomach, helping him out of his sweat-soaked shirt. "Okay. You are going to be alright, bud. Deep breaths. Is your shadow hurt?"

Matthew hid his face between his arms, finally relaxing at the stable surface. When the tension left, the nausea trickled right back in and he hissed in pain.

"I-Isaiah? I'm...ugh-" Matthew gulped, loudly, feeling his stomach spasming. He tried lifting himself up and moaned, his back feeling like he got a slash with a sword at the movement. "Ifeelsick."

Isaiah jumped into action, fetching a mixing bowl from the kitchen and and springing back to Matthew's side. "Okay, I got you. Shhhh. Don't move."

Matthew shifted to the edge of the sofa, moaning as his cheeks bulged out. How was he supposed to not move? His stomach didn't care his back was hurting like a bitch, it was spasming and making him lurch. The movement was absolutely involuntary at this point.

Isaiah put the large mixing bowl down on the floor, then took Matthew's face gently in his hands. His palm against Matthew's forehead and the other on his cheek felt heavenly cold as Isaiah supported the weight of Matthew's head.

Matthew was leaning over the edge just enough to let out a trick of thick spit into the bowl. He moaned again, his stomach cramping as it send the next wave of chunky sick up his throat with a load burp.

Isaiah diligently held his face in his hands as the puke spilled from Matthew's open mouth. "Shhhhh. You are alright. Just breathe. It will be over in a minute."

Matthew's eyes were watering from the strain and pressure at his neck, connected to the burning nerve endings of his back. But it was thousand times better as to strain there without Isaiah's support.

Matthew burped up a second gush of puke, whole body jerking in the process. He groaned, tears running down his cheeks and into Isaiah's fingers.

The spasms of vomit died down slowly, with Matthew twitching and groaning pitifully for another good minute. Isaiah held his cheek, stroking his hair with the hand, trying to shush him.

Matthew completely gave up on any emberassment or pretense, raw and tired from the pain, afraid of more of it coming. He was so glad Isaiah was there he would have cried if he wasn't already.

Matthew was left breathing harshly against the sofa's leather, now shivering from the cold that also jolted his back and hurt. Everything hurt, everything was too much and his shadow wasn't listening...

"Hey. Shhhhh. You are okay. You are home, you are safe. You will get through this. I'm right here. Everything will be fine."

Isaiah's confidence broke Matthew's spiral. Matthew strained to look up at him, turning his head to the side.

Isaiah got rid of the bowl, bringing it back cleaned out, then sat down beside him. Matthew didn't protest against being pulled into Isaiah's lap like a child.

Isaiah said nothing about the tears, only stroking his sweaty hair and his scalp gently. His utter calm was making Matthew believe everything was indeed going to be fine. He relaxed, starting to feel sleepy. Just the occasional shiver jolted him awake.

Isaiah pressed his lips together and pulled a blanket neatly folded at the foot of the sofa over Matthew's naked back. "Just sleep. Everything will go back to normal once you wake up."

Isaiah was sure once Matthew calmed down, he would be able to call upon his shadow and heal himself. Isaiah never had any doubts Matthew could do it. He never doubted Matthew could do anything.

Matthew let his eyes fall closed with the gravity, wondering at what point Hector's presence disappeared from the apartment.

He must have been in a hurry, leaving the door open.

#sickfic #emeto #whump writing #my writing #werewolf wip #there you go!#Matt

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lovelybunn · 1 year

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤ𔓕 ▒⃡ ‧ 𓐄 drunken heartache .

part one.ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤnext...

pairing: stan marsh & best friend!reader

synopsis: wendy left poor STAN MARSH for the official and final time, and he was devastated about it. depression hit him like a bus, until by some miracle, you showed up, and practically saved his life. a friend like you was just what stan had needed for quite a while, but what if he wanted more?

word count: 1.4k

warning(s): depression, of prns she/her, fem!reader, swearing, slight mentions of misogyny, jealousy, mutual pining, angst, blood, vomiting, alcoholism

STAN LOVED your company, he just really wished Cartman would shut up about "bringing a girl into the friend group". You were chill, there was nothing Stan could see that was wrong with you. In fact, every day you gave him more reasons to like you.

Wendy had brutally broken up with him, yet again, but this time, he was sure she was being serious. Wendy had ripped off Stan's hoodie he gave her and threw it at his face. "Don't ever contact me again, you– you absolute trainwreck! How could you do this to me, Stan? After all I've done for you? I was there for you through everything, and this is the thanks I get?" She screamed, eyes stained blood-red. Stan stood up and cautiously approached Wendy and her shaky figure. He reached out to her, but she slapped his hand away quickly. "Don't fucking touch me." Wendy hissed weakly. "Babe, Wendy, please. It was all a misunderstanding, you gotta listen to me. I didn't mean what I did, what I said, please just let me explain everything and—" She cut Stan off before he could finish, walking out of his room and slamming the door behind her.

Stan shook his head while squeezing the bridge of his nose. "You've got to be kidding me." He dragged his weight to the mini refrigerator and let his knees fall to the floor in front of it. Stan opened the fridge's door, "I should've expected this shit a long time ago. I could tell how utterly miserable she was with me." He recklessly pulled out a long neck, chucking the toxic liquid down his throat. Stan chuckled, the alcohol's buzz already kicking into his system. "Wendy's so right. I am a fucking train wreck. I'm an asshole, a huge, gaping asshole." He burped loudly. Stan stared expressionless at the bottle. "Maybe I'm just unlovable. Maybe I'm just such a dick that nobody likes me."

He crawled onto his sheetless bed, mattress stained with vomit. "Well, other than Kyle and Kenny. Not Cartman, pretty sure he hates everyone other than himself." Stan took another swig of his beer and picked up his phone. He scanned through his contacts and dialed Kyle's number. Stan sluggishly held his phone with his shoulder, his back laid onto the headboard of his bedframe.

"Come on man... Pick up, I really need you right now." It went straight to voice-mail. He hung up, "There's goes for being my 'best friend'. Thanks Kyle, for jack shit." Stan was chugging his beer so fast, he almost choked as he scrolled through his other contacts. He would've called Kenny next, but the poor guy still couldn't afford a cellphone. Stan's eyes shot open as he saw a name he hadn't seen in a long time.

"(Name)." The name tag read. Last called 3 months ago, at 1:20 PM. He stared at his phone in confusion, "(Name)? I haven't seen her since she moved schools. I can't believe I still have her number. Unless she changed it." He tapped on the telephone icon out of curiosity, and you surprisingly picked up within the first beep.

"Hello?" replied a monotonous voice. "Uh, hey. It's Stan, your friend since... elementary?" He tried nervously. Stan was honestly kinda scared that you weren't gonna recognize him. You were quiet, and the silence was unbearable for him. He'd prefer if you just cussed him out or something.

Suddenly, he heard a small chuckle from the other line. "Stan? Like the Stan? Stan Marsh? Wow, dude, you sound groggy as hell." He rolled his eyes. "I'm wasted like a motherfucker." "I can tell, it's not like I didn't watch you crash many times before I moved out of the district. You haven't changed a bit." Stan put his bottle onto his nightstand and laid back, groaning. "Thanks." He said sarcastically.

"Well? What did you need? You don't just ghost one of your friends for three months and then call them out of the blue." Stan grimaced. He gripped at his stomach, swallowing his acid reflexes. "I– I need to vent. Nobody answered but you." You verbally scoffed. "Nice catching up with you too, Stan." His volume raised louder than he intended as Stan cursed, "Goddammit, just–" You quickly silenced yourself at his outburst; Stan sighed in discontent. "I know this is probably not a good time, and you probably don't wanna hear about my problems but..." He paused, the pain in his stomach growing stronger by the second.

You let out an exasperated sigh. "Wendy broke up with you for real this time, didn't she?" Just to have to hear her name being uttered out of your mouth caused Stan to hurl. He quickly yanked the trash can next to his bed off the ground and choked out his morning's breakfast of egg and waffles. He set his phone down on his nightstand and put it on speaker, the trash can stood close to his aching stomach.

Stan wiped the vomit off the corners of his mouth with some of the toliet paper he kept in his room as you called anxiously, "Hello? Stan, you still there?" He cleared his throat before responding, "Yeah. And yes, she did. She called me a 'trainwreck'." You puffed out a gust of air. Stan raised his eyebrow. "What?" Suddenly, Stan was startled with the sound of your hysterical laughter. "She's not even wrong, Stan! Don't be a dumbass if you aren't prepared to get called out on it!" Maybe it was just the buzz, but a small grin crept against his lips.

He rolled his eyes, "Oh shut up. (Name), I called you for you to comfort me, not to make fun of me! If I wanted that, I would've called Cartman." Stan heard you slam a door shut. "Your still friends with him? Personally, I wouldn't do that to myself, but it's your mental health, I guess." He spat out and bursted into cackles at your comment. Through chokes of laughter, he replied, "I do it out of pity! Literally nobody likes him!" You clicked your tongue. "That's why you invite him over to your house to hang out." Stan cringed and shuffled around his bed. Then he heard some water running on the other line.

His eyebrow instinctively raised. "What are you doing?" "About to take a shower. I suggest you hurry and say what you gotta say before I hang up, unless you wanna join me." Stan's cheeks flashed a dark red at the thought. "Hey, I'm not a perv, unlike Kenny!" He stuttered. It was silent for a moment, "You put that image in your head, not me. Also, good luck trying, you don't even know where my new house is." He gasped, "Guh-" You made a quick "goodbye" and hung up on him, leaving Stan speechless.

Stan flopped across his bed and stared at his ceiling. The last thing he wanted was to have weird thoughts about another chick when he just got broken up with the one he's been in love with for years. Wendy had him wrapped around her finger since day one, yet Stan always found a way to fuck their relationship completely over. Sometimes he felt like a black cat, wherever he went, bad luck followed. And now, karma's finally coming back for blood.

Everything Stan's ever done, every regret, every achievement, has led to this moment. He wished he could just go back in time and prevent all of the stupid mistakes he's made in the past from even happening in the first place. Yet something inside of him, maybe a gut feeling, knew that it was supposed to happen. Maybe if he didn't call you, something bad would've happened to him. Stan could've died from alcohol poisoning or something.

Whatever the case, thinking about it too much would just stress him out. Stan tossed himself to the side and shut his eyes. "I need to sleep. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning." Stan threw his covers onto his already burning up body and drifted off to sleep.

#stan marsh #stan marsh x reader #south park #south park fanfiction #kyle brovlofski #kenny mccormick #eric cartman #wendy testaburger #angst #south park x reader #south park x you

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pattycakes5516 · 1 year

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Satoru GojoXReader-overthinker with a jokester who loves to make her DUMB

“Satoru you are a fucking idiot…” You scoff as he pouts, kneeling beside you. You were nearly finished with the novel you were reading when he had yanked it from your grasp. You glare up at him with sheer rage and he makes a startled noise.

But Satoru Gojo always recovers quickly. “You frown too much. Don’t complain when you get wrinkles Y/N.” Satoru flicks your forehead and tosses your book across the room. “I’m sooo bored!” His arrogance was astonishing as he lifted you up so he could plop down on the couch beside you.

Your eyes widen in shock at how brave he was. Most people throughout your life avoided your cold expressions as if you would kill them on the spot. In reality you were just not a fan of trivial conversation. You preferred meaningful dialogue. So it came to a surprise to yourself when you befriended this obnoxious jokester now scrolling on his phone and laughing way too loudly at stupid sixty second videos.

“Look at this cute doggo Y/N!” Satoru grins shoving his phone in your face. The puppy was adorable but you weren’t going to admit it to him. “Ooo come on you know you love it.” He takes back his phone, rolling those deep baby blues.

“I’m not amused by silly little clips, Satoru. Now give me my book back and leave me alone.” You frown, you lean your elbow into his side and he screeches in pain.

“Fine! Fine!” Satoru whines pushing you back. “You're so boring…” You shrug no longer bothered by such shallow insults. You knew you were not a social butterfly and have embraced yourself for it. “I don’t even know what I see in you?!”

You raise your eyebrow quizzically at the words that escaped him. “Without me around you would be wandering around aimlessly with no insight. You blindly trust everyone. You're clumsy and way too friendly. I drag you back to reality.” You answer with no emotion present in your tone. “You're pretty much a dog in human form. Now would you please be so kind as to fetch my damn book.”

Satoru did not move, instead he watched you intently. “If I’m a dog, you're a grumpy cat. You never leave your house. You always have something clever to say and it’s always in a very rude way. You're beyond depressing and fickle.”

“Then why do you keep coming over, fucking pestering me?!” You almost growl your fingers now digging into the collar of his t shirt pulling him closer. That stupid smile widens as you tighten your grasp.

“You want to know why?” Satoru whispered in almost a seductive tone. You knew he was trying to tease you. Even still your curiosity won over your instinct. You don’t reply, just simply wait for his response. His breath ghosted over your neck as he leaned closer. You swallowed heavily at the proximity. “My dear moody friend…” his voice lowered and you felt goosebumps form along your arms. “The way you can swallow my cock is addictive.”

“Such a whore…” You mutter but don’t dare move away from him, you never wanted to show how much he gets under your skin at times like this. You stare at him from your peripheral taunting him to do more.

Your friendship has become a bit more than platonic recently. A night of drinking had you both crossing those invisible lines. You now had a mutual agreement. Sex was fun and didn’t need to mean anything.

“I’m your little whore though…” Satoru says sweetly through a soft chuckle. His long fingers land on your knee then travel up your thighs. You gasp when he nibbles lightly on your earlobe.

You were not sure how Satoru does it. But he is able to completely quiet the chaotic thoughts that were always rambling around by a simple kiss. You were scared of how much you were starting to rely on it. “All those pesky thoughts. Let me help you to ease them from that cute little brain of yours.”

You somehow find resolve even as his fingers delicately dance along your inner thigh. You regretted wearing shorts today. Taking a shuddered breath you collect yourself and take hold of his wrist. “I would rather see how my book ends. So why don’t you go find trouble elsewhere?”

Satoru growls and it surprises you, it was as if he was actually frustrated. “Y/N…” The tone was dangerous, your heart suddenly jumped. You could no longer look at him without wanting to give in. You hear Satoru click his teeth, you could feel his glance. “Look at me…”

It was an order, no mistaking it for a suggestion. Yet you fought the overwhelming urge to follow it. You simply shake your head, your hands now clenched in your lap.

The more time you spend with him the more you imagine what type of relationship you would have. You knew your fantasies were always more thrilling than real life. You needed to limit your time in his presence. Therefore you picked up a huge chronicle of novels to read for the weekend.

Satoru had mentioned a club event in passing and you assumed he would go. So when he showed up at your doorstep you almost slammed the door in his face. And now he was touching you. Tempting you once again. “Your cruel Satoru Gojo… A fucking sadist…” You practically spat the words now picking at your fingernails as a way to calm yourself.

You have caused him to storm out on you in a tantrum on multiple occasions. You don’t mean to hurt others but sometimes what you allow to escape from your lips was too real for the average human. You jumped when instead he burst out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. “Sat…” You go to speak his name.

“Shut up.” Satoru whispers as he cuts you off. His usual light hearted nature had completely shifted to something unrecognizable. “You want me to truly be cruel?” Those blue eyes were always soft and amused. But now there was pain there. You reached out to him but this time he took hold of your wrist.

You were at a loss for words even though millions of thoughts overwhelmed you. What is wrong? What have I done? Why are you like this? See it’s better if you're alone. You won’t hurt anyone if you don’t allow them to get to know you. You're a monster… “I will break through every single wall you put up, Y/N. I won’t let you run away. I will find you and bring you back. Even if I have to tie you down and cage you up.”

A weird tight feeling took root in your chest.. You tilted your head to the side as you looked up to him not understanding. “Why?! Why can’t you just leave me be? I can’t make you happy. I am a dark cloud following you around and everyone is uncomfortable. Can’t you see that!!” You dig your nails into the palm of your hand. You shout when Satoru yanks you to straddle his lap and takes hold of your chin roughly, making you stare up at him.

“You stupid woman…” He whispers and you grimace. “All this knowledge you have collected and dissected. I am amazed by how much you have accomplished. The rewards you have received. I am the one who felt as if I was always holding you back. You always have the right words to say when I need advice. You knew exactly how to logically figure out a solution I was too overwhelmed to see. I thought if I could make you laugh or smile maybe I could finally repay you. But you only found me as a nuisance yet you call me cruel…”

You hated how his face had fallen into such a depressed state. This was not the Satoru Gojo you were used to. It was like looking at your own reflection. “I…” You stuttered and fumbled. “I had no idea… so many people fawn over you, Satoru.”

“I finally found something you could use me for. I was so happy…” Satoru’s glance seemed to look past you.

“What do you mean?” You hear the nerves laced in your voice. A small grin forms but never reaches his eyes.

“I could use my touch to quiet all of the negative thoughts that seemed to plague you. That night when I had you under me…” Satoru paused and memories of that first night flashed through your mind. The way he took control over your very being. Your cheeks heated. “That was the first time I ever saw you truly smile for me…”

Fuck… this fucking idiot… “Stupid… You're an idiot…” You say through gritted teeth. “Why would you be satisfied with that?! I knew you were dumb Satoru but I didn’t know you were this pathetic…”

As your fist connects with his chest he steals a kiss that completely takes your breath from your lungs. The chaos of swirling emotions that had started to crash down in terrifying waves slowly turned gentle and soothing as his tongue slid across your lower lip. Your fists flattened your palms now exploring the curves of his chest greedily. “That’s it sweet girl… give in to me yeah…” His voice was a lulling lullaby to your ears as you whined in response.

Before giving your mind a chance to process his tongue was devouring the inside of your mouth. All you could do was open up for him. His kiss was so addicting… The voice in your mind began to fade to static. You moan into his lips when his large hands cupped your ass forcing you to grind on him. “That’s my good girl…” Satoru groaned. You gasped as you felt him harden beneath you.

“Satoru… Wait…” You regretted your words when those hands moved to grip your thighs and his fingers traced the soft inner skin, so close to your aching core. Satoru paused and looked down at you, his pupils blown wide. Soft blush coated his cheeks and his breathing was erratic. He was beautiful.

“Please Y/N…” Satoru’s lips pouted and his tone was almost a whimper. Fuck… “I fucking need to see you smile for me again… I need to see that you need me as much as I need you. Let me do this for you.”

You could not formulate a response, you were currently hypnotized by his desperation. Your whole body was fighting against your denial. “Ok…” You manage to whisper as your thumb traced along his lower lip. The toothy grin replaced the pout as he bites your thumb teasingly.

“Kiss me then.” Satoru ordered you, his voice lowering. Without the earlier hesitation you gave into his demand. His fingers now travel to softly trace the back of your neck as he pulls you deeper into the kiss.

As his teeth nip at your bottom lip he gently picks you up slightly to set you down into the couch on your back, now hovering above you. You actually laugh as he roughly undresses you no longer being patient. “Satoru relax…” You say amused as he slips off your shorts.

“No panties?” Satoru eyebrow raises and you roll your eyes. “So naughty!”

“I was comfortable in my own home and was not expecting company. Don’t flatter yourself.” You say as he smiles down his eyes traveling to take in every inch of your body. “You look possessed.” You tease him and he looks back up into your stare.

“Y/N…” Satoru’s voice lowers and the seductive tone makes you take in a breath. “I'm obsessed with making such an intelligent person unable to even form complete sentences… It’s fucking addictive.”

You fall silent as his hand wraps around your throat, he squeezes until your nails dig into his forearm and tears blind your vision. Strangled moans escape your mouth because at the same his thumb caresses your clit. Satoru hums, “You're already dripping for me… that’s so sexy…”

He releases the pressure on your throat while slipping two fingers into your cunt. You cry out as your body convulses and shakes below him. Your body is arching up on its own as intense pleasure courses through you.

“Fuck Satoru… fuck…” You can only mumble curses as your vision slowly becomes clear again. Yet he shows no mercy as his fingers plunge in and out of you. The sounds of your arousal makes you even more heated.

“Awww my pretty girl has such a dirty little mouth…” Satoru sneers but he groans when he feels your pussy clamping around his finger greedily. “Going to have to keep you quiet, aren't I?” Satoru kisses you deeply as he begins to scissor you. You moan into his mouth causing him to chuckle sadistically. “Stick that pretty tongue out for me…”

You nod stupidly and stick out your tongue in anticipation. “So obedient now aren’t we?” Satoru growls, running his fingers along your tongue while his other hand pushes deeper, hitting your sweet spot perfectly.

You let out a feral sound as you drool against his fingers. Your nails digging into his waist like a cornered animal. “Fuck…” Satoru hisses as he feels you cum against his hand. “You drive me crazy when you break like this under me.”

“Mmm…” All you could do was whimper and choke as he pushed his fingers deep down your throat. Your hips bucking desperately and legs shaking uncontrollably.

As you feel your belly tighten for another orgasm he slows his tempo pulling his fingers out of your mouth. You whine in frustration being so close to going over the edge once again. All you could think about was missing that feeling.

“What’s going on in that big brain of yours now?” Satoru brags because he knows that right now your thoughts are only on him. What he can do to make you feel good.

“Please….” You beg your eyes lowered lips in a pout, swollen from the fury of kisses. “Fuck me… fuck me…” You shout the only thing you could think of to get that feeling of being filled again.

You watch as he undresses all the way. You nearly drool from the sight of his freed cock, wet with precum. Throbbing to be buried inside you. “Smile for me…” Satoru barely is able to get the words out as he strokes his dick getting back onto the couch.

You hesitate that small bit of fight crawling its way to the surface. You hold back your sounds of pleasure when he runs his length along your folds.

There was now a war raging internally as you gritted your teeth not to appease him. “Your brain is finally waking back up huh?” Satoru laughed cruelly as he teased you, the tip slightly entering you but it wasn’t enough. You needed him deeper.

“I… hah…” You tried to speak but he was now rolling circles along your clit.

“What was that treasure…” Satoru knew you were trying your hardest to respond. He loved the way he could get you to become a mindless slut. He even leans down closer, his lips nearly touching yours. “It’s ok I’ll make you myself.”

Satoru does not push in; instead he coats his cock with your juices and yanks your thighs closed around it. You gasp in shock as your pussy feels the cold air. You look at him pleadingly.

As he slowly thrust against your closed thighs, his stare now becomes glossy as he loses a bit of himself. The plush softness of your skin. “What? What do you want?” Mocking you because you know he knows.

“Hmm.” You whine pathetically. Your sole focus was to have him where you wanted him most. Though his jaw clenching in struggle as he tries to control himself was intoxicating. “You want to fuck me as much as I want you to. So please!”

“Know it all…” He groans and you smile brightly as you see him spread your legs wider. “There it is… fuck so beautiful.” Before you could even process that his arm wraps around your waist and forces you to turn, now on all fours.

You thank him as he shoves his cock to the hilt. “You're so welcome pretty…” Satoru softly whispers as he tightly grasps your hips. “Now let me hear your cute little cries…” He pushes your head down to arch your back even more and relentlessly slams in and out, your pussy was already convulsing around him.

“Satoru… so good…” You say the only thing on your mind as you crumble into a crying mess. You moan loudly as you feel yourself edging back to that blissful release. “Cumming soon…”

Satoru no longer speaks. Just groans and occasional curses as your walls shutter against him, you slick dripping to coat his balls. “Me to…” You felt proud he was unable to hold out much longer. You both scream and shudder as you orgasm; you feel his slight panic as he pulls out and cums onto your back.

His weight now leaning against you as you both take in deep breaths. “Hah…” you are unable to move even a little.

“You do so well. The way your eyes roll back…” Satoru spouts compliments as he struggles to regain his own composure. “You're perfect.”

Perfect… Your heart raced again. You have always been so harsh to yourself. To imagine a man like Satoru Gojo telling you you're perfect. You could not believe it. Satoru sweetly tells you to relax as he goes to grab a washcloth. You were alone with your thoughts.

He smiles down at you as he cleans up the mess that was made. “You ok?” He asks suddenly, looking concerned.

“I was thinking…” You say in a bit of a joking manner and Satoru gasps.

“Well we can’t have that…” Suddenly he is picking you up, bridal style. You go to scold him for being too heavy but he clicks his teeth at you as he carries you to your bedroom. “I have to make sure that doesn’t happen. It will probably take all night.”

“Definitely, it will take all night.” You laugh, you feel yourself brighten up. A lightheadedness fogging anymore dark thoughts as he joins you on the bed.

“Tell me you need me.” Satoru was soaking in the happy expression on your face. Almost hypnotized by it.

“Satoru I need you… So don’t you leave me please.” You say the words you had been too stubborn to say out loud. Satoru Gojo looked overjoyed as he pecked small kisses on your entire face. You cared about him. It was scary but there was no denying it anymore. This idiot…

#satorugojo #jjk fanfic #smut #spicy fic #gojo satoru #jjk x y/n #best friend #gojo fanfic #rough smut

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baxteravenue · 2 years

Text

Out of the Woods

summary: seeing your ex at a party never works out, sometimes it’s for the best though.

a/n: i wrote this when i was heartbroken. sorry for being mia, next post should be sweeter.

You were mad and terribly jealous. You knew you didn’t have the right to feel that way but you couldn’t help it. He looked good, almost too good and he was making another girl giggle the same way he used to make you.

You broke up with him though. You had every right to make that decision though, he was treating you like shit and you hardly ever saw him due to his high demand schedule. Just because he was Jack Harlow the famous rapper didn’t mean that he couldn’t be Jack, your boyfriend anymore.

Jack would have never pulled the plug, he would have kept you trailing behind him. He would have made you feel even more stupid as he claimed to be single in every interview he did, knowing you were waiting for him at home. He would have played you like a fool as he came home from overseas with dozens of new girls' numbers in his phone.

So five months ago from now you had broken up with him over text, while he was in Australia, and then you proceeded to block his number and completely delete him from your life.

And it worked for a while… until now.

“Holy shit he’s back from tour?” Marlie, one of yours and Jack’s mutual friends, spoke before looking over at you, “Do you mind?”

You shook your head, “I’m not petty.”

It was true, you didn’t care if your friends were still friends with him. It’s not like he fucked them over. So you watched carefully from across the room as basically everyone at the party made their way at some point over to Jack to say hi.

You scrolled aimlessly on your phone, trying your best to seem like you were not bitter and ready to leave. It was hard though when his voice and laugh cut through like a hot knife.

“So you weren’t gonna say hi, I’m guessing?” The familiar voice had now sat right beside you and even though you couldn’t see anyone looking at you, you could feel the entire room's eyes on you and the now very famous person beside you.

You scoffed, refusing to look over at him. “Believe it or not, not everyone is obligated to say something to you… No matter how many awards you win.”

Jack knew you would be cold, he just didn’t expect you to be so ice cold. “Y/N.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and his words were shaky. You were the only one who could ever get him like that. “Look at me please.”

His voice though, how sweet it got whenever he talked to you. His voice, the same way yours affected him, his did the same to you.

“So you’re just gonna ignore me?”

“So you’re just gonna ignore me?” An unfamiliar voice came from behind you, hands crawling to your waist.

You quickly turned around, stepping back. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

Jack’s eyes widened as he looked at you, someone he in fact did not know. “I am so fuckin’ sorry I thought you were… Oh shit… My bad.”

You raised a brow, “Yeah I’m not Gracie.”

“No kidding huh.” Jack rubbed at the back of his neck embarrassed, “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to touch you like that.”

You laughed at how bad he visibly felt. “I’m Y/N.”

“Jack.” He smiled back at you.

You quickly stood up, not wanting to deal with Jack. Your heart was thumping hard against your chest as you made your way through the dark loud house, passing by sweaty bodies. You no longer wanted to be there anymore.

Nah, I’m good just give me a second

That’s cool I’ll be right back

Give me a sec

You could hear his voice following you even as you made your way out the front door, starting your walk down the block to where you parked.

“Y/N!”

“What?!” You practically yelled, turning around to face Jack. “What Jack? What could you possibly want?”

“Really? What could I want?” He looked hurt, “What could I want from the girl who broke up with me over text when I’m on a different continent and then blocked me?”

You stared at him, not answering.

“I came home and all your stuff was gone from our home.” His voice cracked.

“Your home.” The words felt like venom coming out of your mouth, “That was never our home. In order for it to be our home, it’s required for you to actually be there, to sleep there, to eat there, to live there. I never woke up to you Jack. I could count on my hands how many times we actually stayed there together.”

“I—“

“And did I actually break up with you? Because in all those interviews you were claiming you were single while I was at our supposed home. I was going crazy Jack and you weren't there. I was lonely and you didn’t care. I was always putting you first and I finally decided to put myself first.” You were now sobbing.

“Bab- Y/N, you know why I always said I was single in those interviews… For show, you knew how it was, how I need to seem accessible.” Jack has no idea why he’s trying to make excuses.

“So it was for show when you cheated on me when you were in Los Angeles? When you cheated on me in Chicago, in New York, in Atlanta… In Louisville.” Your voice was shot, barely coming out. “It was all for show?”

“You’re home.” You smiled, getting up from the couch, “I missed you baby.”

It was three in the morning and you had stood up even though your body was begging you to go to sleep. Jack however had paid you barely any mind, giving you a soft kiss on your forehead and heading straight to the restroom.

“How was the show? It looked really good.” You spoke on the other side of the closed bathroom door. Silence. “Uhm… okay Im gonna go to sleep Jack.”

While you tucked yourself into bed on the other side of the restroom Jack was pushing his foundation stained shirt to the bottom of the laundry basket and was trying his best to remove the lipstick stains from his chest.

Jack quickly showered, letting any trace of any other woman who wasn’t you swirl down the drain.

“I missed you baby.” Jack mumbles as he gets into bed, cuddling next to you. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You cuddle into him too, loving the feeling of his arms wrapped around you.

“I really do love you baby, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Jack means every word he says and in his head he promises not to be stupid anymore.

Two weeks from that exact night, he finds himself with a blonde wrapped around him while you’re at home alone.

At this point Jack knew that you knew about all of those times but for you to actually say it to his face… he felt like shit. He hurt you.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.” You look up at Jack, wiping away your tears, “But sorry isn’t going to change anything.”

#jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow blurb #come home the kids miss you

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 1 year

Text

Pairing : Yandere!Han Jisung x F!Reader TW : yandere behavior ; mutual toxicity ; the unhealthiest relationship ; DARK THEMES READER DISCRETION ADVISED ; kidnapping ; violence ; slightly descriptive murder ; blood ; smut ; unprotected PiV intercourse ; Word Count : 6.1k

“What did you do today, sweetpea?” Was always the first question he asked when he walked through the door, and while it had partially become a habit to say it as soon as he saw you, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t fully invested in hearing all about your day. Jisung loved to hear all the trouble that you managed to get into, trouble that you purposely got into just to rile him up. At this point the relationship was more so about who could piss each other off the most, and while normal people would find that to be horrendous, the two of you absolutely loved it. It was fun, it was like one big game in a sense, and you both loved to play it.

You didn’t have to turn around for him to know that you were smirking, he could almost see the mischief radiating off of you, and he had to mentally prepare himself for whatever it was that you were about to say. “I got bored after straightening up, so I snuck into your room and got on your computer and signed up for one of those cam girl things.” You said so nonchalantly, and he felt his stomach twist, the anger coursing through him at the thought of you showing yourself off to so many random people, to so many men.

“You didn’t.” He said flatly, storming over to you and gripping your shoulders tightly to whip you around. “Did you really?” He asked, and that’s when he saw the look on your face that he knew would already be there, but that didn’t settle him down, it only made him feel worse. The game wasn’t just about who could piss each other off more, it was who could make each other the most jealous. The feeling in itself was addictive, the adrenaline that coursed through him as he thought about what he’d do to those unsuspecting men who might have seen you if you were telling the truth, the way he’d claim you as his own again once he was done getting rid of anyone who wasn’t him that saw you the way only he should be able to see you.

The shrug of your shoulders and the fake innocence on your face as you smiled at him, it was enough for him to know that you weren’t lying, that you really had done what you said, and that only pissed him off more. Dammit. You always knew how to win the game. It was so simple for you even when you were locked in the house. “So what did you do today, Hannie?” You quipped, running your hands down his chest, but he immediately swatted them away to go into his room, throwing open his laptop.

He knew that you followed him there, leaning against the doorframe with your arms crossed as he leaned over the desk, not even bothering to sit down as he scrolled through his history. “You really fucking did… Didn’t you?” He mumbled, his free hand running through his hair as he clicked on the sight, but then he saw that you hadn’t actually done anything, you had simply signed up, just like you said. He felt like a fool, getting so worked up, but that’s exactly what you had wanted, you had gotten it so easily. “You’re so sneaky… Next time you go into my room I’m not going to be so nice.” He muttered, but when he glanced over at you he could see that your body was vibrating with silent laughter, the corners of your lips pulled up so high that your eyes creased. “Come here.”

And of course you listened, you always listened, and you sauntered over to where he stood, giving him the fakest doe eyes, trying to portray innocence, but he knew better. Whatever thoughts that were going through your mind right now were nothing but filth. “What do you need?” You asked sweetly, your hands folded behind your back as you rocked on your heels. The cute act was something that he was used to you deploying, and it never stopped working, his heart softening when he saw how sweet you could be.

He hummed softly as he straightened up, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you against his chest as he nuzzled his nose into your hair. “I need you to remember that you’re mine, you’re all mine. If I catch you going on those websites again I’m gonna have to put you back in the room.” He murmured, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head before taking a step back. “Anyways… Do you want to hear about what I did today?”

Your head nodded quickly, sitting on the edge of his bed to listen to him. This was his favorite part, the counterattack, watching the light in your eyes slowly fade as you listened to his lies. The best part was that you fully believed him. He got to toy with your emotions, he got to piss you off, upset you, make you lash out, make you cry, and then he could come to you later on and tell you it was all a lie. He’d make you feel like a fool, and at the end of it all you’d both laugh about it as you curled up beside him. That’s why he loved you so much. It was easy being with you. You brought him excitement, pain, joy and sorrow. Every single emotion that could be felt, you made him feel it. He needed you.

Today started like every other day, and he knew that it would continue on like every other day once he got back home. He couldn’t fight the excitement that filled him as he thought about what new tactic you’d use, what you’d say today to try to get under his skin. It made him giddy, bouncing in the back seat of the cab that would take him home to you, which was the only place he truly ever wanted to be.

“So what did you do to-” He was cut off by the sound of wheels rolling across the floor of the hallway. They were luggage wheels and he quickly ran over to where the sound was coming from, stopping you in the middle of the hall with his arms outstretched to keep you from walking any further. “What are you doing?” He quipped, his eyes moving between and your luggage as his heart hammered in his chest.

“I’m just getting bored. I love you, clearly I do… But, I need a little vacation. I’m gonna go to that really nice hotel they just built.” You ducked under his arms while he was still stunned, moving towards the front door, but he quickly snapped out of his shocked state, rushing over to stop you again, his hand reaching out to grab the luggage from your hand and yanking it away.

“What do you mean you need a… Oh… Oh!” He exclaimed, letting the luggage case drop to the floor as his hands flew to his hair, his head falling back with his laughter. “You really got me, sweetpea…” He was breathless from the little fit, his fingers combing his hair away from his face as he watched you, waiting for you to start laughing with him, but his laughter slowly shifted into little coughs, and then heavy breaths as you silence lingered. “Tell me you’re joking right now.”

You didn’t have the time to get the words out before he was undoing the zippers on the luggage and throwing it open. He had expected to find it empty, but instead it had been neatly packed with what looked to be a week's worth of clothes. “I could have left while you were at work but I knew you’d lose your mind and go on a rampage. That’s why I waited for you to come home first.” You said it as if that would make it any better, as if your thoughtfulness would make him any less pissed at the fact that you actually wanted to leave in the first place.

“I’m still losing my fucking mind here, Y/N!” He screamed, and you didn’t even flinch at the sudden rise in volume, simply standing in front of him with a less than amused expression as you watched. “What did you think? I’d just let you walk out that door by yourself? What did you expect?”

You rolled your eyes, and he fought back every single urge to punish you for the look alone. There was obviously something that had made you think so crazily, and he knew he wouldn’t get the answer if he were to jump right into reprimanding you. “Actually, yes. I thought you’d let me go to the hotel. I actually thought you’d come with me too, but, I guess I was wrong.” You pursed your lips, huffing loudly through your nose as you bent down to zip the bag up. “Not all of us get to leave the house like you do.” You tacked on as you yanked up the handle and started rolling the bag back to the bedroom, and he quickly followed behind you.

“Aww, is my little sweetpea jealous that I might find someone else while I’m out?” He teased, hoping that all of this was nothing but a little skit, nothing but your brand new scheme to work him up. It was his turn now, and he hadn’t really had much time to prepare since you had worried him so badly, but the gears in his mind were turning as he tried to think of how to get you back just as badly.

“No.” You said flatly, tossing the bag on the bed and pulling out all of the clothes that you had just packed up. “I’m jealous that you get to leave the house in general. I thought maybe I’d at some point get the same luxuries that you do.”

It wasn’t a skit at all. The straightforwardness of your words, the lack of a smile on your face… You looked so serious, and he was right back to being pissed off. “Maybe I’m being too nice letting you roam the house. Now you think you can just go out when you want too?” He snapped, slamming the bedroom door shut. “You want to be locked in here again?”

You didn’t even look away from the bag as you scoffed. “Want me to sit in the chair to make it easier for you?” You retorted, and he promised, he had promised he’d never hurt you, but you were really testing the waters, pushing his buttons. “I said I wanted you to go with me. I didn’t want to go by myself. Maybe you’re the one who’s jealous… Or maybe you’re just scared that someone else will take me away from you.”

Of course that’s what he was scared of. That thought alone was nightmare inducing, the thought of not having you here with him. “You want to go out?” He asked, and before you could even say anything, he was grabbing your hand and dragging you behind him. “Fine, we’ll go out. Let’s go.”

There were multiple reasons that he didn’t take you out of the house, and while the main reason was the fear of someone else catching your eye, or catching someone else eyeing you, there was another reason that, in this moment, was far more awful. He had kidnapped you. You were a missing person, and if anyone on the streets recognized you, it would be the end of his career, it would be the end of him and you. His worst nightmares would come true.

He didn’t have the slightest idea where he was going to take you, you didn’t even know where you wanted to go, but being outside of the house was so exhilarating. You weren’t even fully off the premises of the house and you were already bouncing with excitement as you led him to the car. “I wonder if I’ll see anyone that I knew before…” You mused as you climbed into the passenger seat, and his fingers gripped tightly around the handle of the door as he glared at you.

“You’re really trying to get on my last nerve today, aren’t you sweetpea?” He huffed, slamming the door beside you, but you didn’t flinch at all. He could see your body vibrating with laughter as he walked around to the drivers side, and the way you seemed to enjoy the fact that he was stressing so much only irritated him further. “You think this is all so funny… But you know, everyone who even looks at you today won’t exist anymore… All of that blood will be on your hands.”

The words were meant to try to deter you, but for some reason, they only excited you more, your thighs squeezing together and your tongue darting out along your bottom lip as you looked at him out of the corner of your eye. “And all of the girls that look at you… Are you going to do the same thing to them?” You posed the question, but he couldn’t help but laugh at the concept as his hand slid up your inner thigh, loving the way you squirmed in the seat.

“There’s a lot of girls that look at me, sweetpea. I don’t have enough time to get rid of all of them for you.” He retorted, finding it absolutely adorable the way your cheeks puffed out and your nostrils flared slightly with annoyance. “But… I’ll handle all the ones that you think pose a threat.” He added on to try to ease your worrying, and as if on queue, all of the air that you had been storing in your cheeks was let out in one swift sigh. “You’re so cute, sweetpea. Why would I want to be with anyone that isn’t you?”

It wasn’t just that you were cute though, although that was one of the many perks of being with you. Your mind was sick, you were twisted, you were just like him, and he had, on many occasions, wanted nothing more than to show you off, show off just how perfect the two of you were together. He wished that he had gotten you in a way that was far more normal than just kidnapping you, then maybe what he was doing right now wouldn’t pose such a threat to the wellbeing of your very healthy, unhealthy relationship.

There was no particular place that he was heading with you, and you didn’t seem to care that he was driving so aimlessly, but after a while the constant passing of cars was becoming tiring, so he quickly pulled into an empty spot on the side street and motioned for you to get out of the car. Driving was one thing, but actually walking with you, being out in actual public, it was something way different, and he made sure to grip onto your hand tightly as the two of you started walking.

“Hannie…” You murmured, moving closer to him, your arm wrapped tightly around his own as you walked down the sidewalk. You kept your head down, letting him lead you through masses of people, his hold on you growing more constricting the more people passed by. “You’re not talking that much… Are you okay?” You spared a quick glance up at his face, and you could tell immediately just how tense he was. “We can go back home if you want… I’m okay now…” You added, and he knew that you were worried about him being so anxious, and the stress probably wasn’t helping in the slightest.

It’s not that you were wrong, not entirely. Having you out of the house was enough to have him almost having a full fledged anxiety attack, but he was trying to keep himself from getting too worked up, plus, you wanted to get out of the house, and as much as he despised every second that passed as the two of you walked down the street, he more so despised the thought of you leaving of him, doing something like this on your own. “I’m fine, sweetpea…” He reassured you, leaning in to press a kiss to your temple.

He had found a way to keep his mind occupied so he wasn’t fretting too much over what could possibly happen. His eyes scanned everyone that passed by, watching to see how long they looked at the two of you, how long they looked at you. One guy in particular caught his attention though, because you caught that man's attention, and that just wouldn’t slide. The way the man looked at you like a piece of meat, licking his lips and even trying to lower himself to get a better view of your face. It made Jisung furious, he was beyond livid, and as soon as the man passed, he whipped you around to follow the guy. “What are we doing?” You whispered, finally looking up at him to see just how angry he was. His face was so readable, even under the mask, you didn’t even need him to answer. “Oh… Okay!”

You sounded so… excited. It’s like you already knew what was coming, and instead of being scared like one should be, it was almost like you wanted it to happen, you indulged both him and yourself in his psychotic tendencies, and while that should worry him, it only made him love you more. You found no faults in him, everything that was him you were in love with. You were wholly his, and he was entirely yours. “You’re so cute. Come on, keep an eye on him. Let me know what car he goes into.”

Your head nodded so quickly, and there was a giddiness about you as your head was held high to follow the back of the man’s head, now leading Jisung down the street to follow the guy. It was crazy how something that he had been so adamant against doing would somehow turn out to be so… Fun, for the both of you. “He parked on the same street as us, let’s go!” You cheered, now dragging him down the sidewalk towards the parked car just so you wouldn’t lose sights on the poor guy who didn’t know what was coming.

This was like a game for the both of you, a sick, twisted, diabolical game that proved that both of you were as fucked in the head as the other, and that’s what made the two of you so absolutely perfect for one another. There was no one else in the world that would cater to the fucked up way that the both of you were. “Make sure to wear your seatbelt, sweetpea. I don’t want you getting hurt too.” He scolded you when you climbed in the car, far too antsy to even bother with the belt, but his words had you quickly clicking it before your finger was pointing out the windshield at the car that was now pulling out of the spot a couple cars in front of you. “Did you see the way he looked at you?” He started mumbling when he put the car into drive, inching out of his own parking spot to follow behind the unsuspecting man.

“Nope! I thought you were just bored.” You responded, leaning back in your seat with a content smile, surely not the smile of someone who was on the way to take part in something so gruesome. “It’s okay though… I was kind of getting bored too. This is way more fun.” You added as you turned down the music on the stereo to focus more on tracking the car.

He chuckled loudly, reaching across the center console to grab your hand, giving it a firm squeeze before lacing his fingers with yours. “You’re absolutely crazy, you know that?” He teased, watching as your eyes went momentarily wide before you turned your head completely to scowl at him. “Don’t give me that look, you know that I love your craziness. You’re just as insane as I am.” It didn’t seem sweet at all, it probably wasn’t the type of compliment that most women would like to receive, but it immediately softened you. You relaxed back into your seat as you let out a soft sigh. “Gosh, aren’t you just the cutest little accomplice ever?”

You rolled your eyes at the comment, but he could see you smiling to yourself as you pointed to the side streets that the man drove down. “Are we gonna get caught? I don’t think I’d be able to make it in jail…” You mused, but the smile on your face never faltered. “What would I do without you? I’d lose my mind…” The strange comment sounded far too sweet in his mind, and it had his heart tightening in his chest. He’d have to make sure neither of you got caught. He was good at doing what he did, he was always clean about it, there was never a hint of evidence left, but now you were there with him. He had to be extra careful.

The last thing he wanted you to do was worry though, so he scoffed a little too loud as he brought your hand up to his lips, kissing along your knuckles before letting your clasped hands drop back down to the center console. “As if you haven’t lost your mind already, sweetpea.” He joked, causing you to snatch your hand away before lightly smacking his arm. “But that’s what I love the most about you!” He quickly defended himself, his body shaking with his laughter. “You’re like, my dream girl!”

Your face scrunched up which only had him laughing more. People on the outside looking in would assume that the two of you were the cutest couple, lighthearted and carefree, they’d be none the wiser as to what both of you were actually talking about, the sinister plot that the two of you were conceiving and about to carry out. “You’re so cringy, it’s disgusting…” You mumbled, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly through your nose. “I love you too though.” You motioned with your head out the window. “He just parked.”

“Alright…” And now the lighthearted mood was gone, replaced with a sense of seriousness that you weren’t used to when it came to him. “Stay in the car, okay? I don’t want you to get out for any reason at all. Can you do that?” His voice was stern and his eyes were dark as he looked at you, and you gave him one swift nod to let him know that you were listening, that you’d follow the rules that he had given you. “I’ll be back quickly…” He gripped your chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning you to look in his direction before kissing you, and for some reason it felt like it was the last kiss that you’d have with him, something that sent panic coursing through your veins.

“Promise you’ll come back…” You whispered, your hands flying up to cup his cheeks, not letting him move before he gave you that promise, gave you his word that he’d be back for you as quickly as he said he would be. “Jisung… Please…” You whimpered, and he tried to ease your worries, patting the top of your head and giving you a goofy grin as he pulled back.

“You know I will be. You have nothing to be worried about. Smile for me, sweetpea.” He cooed, his fingers pushing up at the corners of your lips to force a smile on your face. “I love you, and I promise I’ll be back. Okay?” He murmured when his attempt at silliness didn’t have any effect on your pouting, but his assurance had you relaxing slightly, although you wouldn’t be able to fully relax until he had left the car and returned.

The car was turned off, the keys slipped underneath your thigh, and he winked at you as if you should know what to do with them, and maybe when the time came you’d understand, but for now you were confused as you watched him climb out of the car, giving you one last smile before putting on a mask of annoyance and slight disappointment as he started walking towards the man who was standing at the trunk of his own car. You watched him through the rearview mirror, sinking down in the seat just a little when Jisung pointed towards the car.

You weren’t exactly sure what he was doing, but soon he and the man started walking over, looking as though they were having a pretty serious conversation, but you weren’t able to hear either of them. You wondered what lie Jisung was feeding the man to get him to come over so willingly.

Then the trunk was opened, and you felt the car shake, an obvious commotion going on outside of it, but with the trunk popped you weren’t able to see out the back window. It was only when the trunk was slammed shut did you finally realize why you were given the keys, and you quickly shoved them into the ignition to start the car as Jisung ran around to the drivers side and climbed in. “See…” He said breathlessly, but he still smiled at you as he gave your thigh a light squeeze. “I told you I’d be back.”

There were signs of a scuffle, Jisungs shirt slightly out of place and scratches along his arms from the fighting, but you weren’t able to focus on it too long when you heard the loud kicking and screaming coming from the trunk. “Drive… Drive, Hannie…” You whispered, your eyes wide as you thought about what would happen if anyone outside heard the noises coming from the trunk. He was quick to listen, putting the car into drive and speeding off down the street. You didn’t know where the hell he was planning on taking the man in the trunk, but it was obvious that he knew just where he was going, clearly having done this kind of thing more than once.

The wooded area was so far out that you didn’t even know if the car would have enough gas to get you back into the city. It was a rural area, and there were very few houses, buildings… Anything around. It was the perfect place to carry out whatever Jisung was planning on doing.

The sound of struggling from the trunk had subsided an hour ago, and that just goes to show how long Jisung had to drive just to get to where the two of you were at now. “You think he died in the trunk?” You whispered, taking a glance back as if you’d be able to see the man through the back row of seats.

Jisung shrugged, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel as he took a turn down a side street that wasn’t even paved, it was simply a dirt path that was wide enough for cars to drive down. “Would be quite boring if he did, wouldn’t it?” He teased, and you rolled your eyes, letting your head fall back against the headrest as you let out a small yawn. “You can sleep if you want, sweetpea. I’ll just handle him and then we can go home.”

You tiredly shook your head, covering your mouth with your hand as another yawn escaped you. “I’m fine… I want to help…” It would have sounded so normal if the particular thing you wanted to help out with wasn’t the murder of the man who was unlucky enough to look at the wrong girl. Nothing about your relationship with Jisung was normal though, and that’s what made it so special. “Are we almost there?”

His head nodded as he stopped the car in the middle of the path, far enough away from the main road that no one would be able to find you, him, or the body of the man that was in the trunk. “We’re here now.” He said softly, his smile far too warm for someone who was about to commit such a heinous act. “If you reach under the back seats you’ll find what I need. I’ll check the trunk.”

The two of you were so calm, it was almost eerie, the fact that neither of you hesitated, neither of you questioned whether this was the right thing to do. You both simply… Did it. Jisung popped the trunk open, and the man looked like he was dead, but he had simply passed out, his heart was still beating, something that seemed to excite Jisung even more. “Are you gonna wake him up?” You asked, leaning against the side of the car as you watched Jisung look the man over with disgust.

“He’ll start screaming as soon as he’s awake… Do you want to do it, or do you want me to?” He eyed the crowbar that you were holding firmly in your hands, and your eyes widened, a sparkle in them as your smile grew wider. “I’ll let you do it. It’s your first time.”

With a brute slap across the face, the man was shocked back into consciousness, groggily sitting up and looking around before gasping loudly at the sight of Jisung. As soon as his mouth opened to scream, you brought the crowbar down against the man’s head. The blood that splattered and landed against both you and Jisung was an exhilarating sight, and you were already breathing heavily with excitement. “It’s gonna get in the car, Hannie… You need to get him out…” You said, taking a step back as you watched Jisung yank the man from the trunk, the muscles in his arms flexing before letting the man drop to the ground. “Here… Your turn…” You whispered, passing the weapon over to Jisung. He eyed you curiously, but it was only for a mere second before he started swinging the metal bar, bringing it down against every inch of the man’s body until it was unrecognizable. The grunted curses, the way the blood decorated both his face and his clothes, the feral look in his eyes, it was all so… attractive. It was hot.

Without a second thought, you walked over to him, grabbing the bar from his hands and tossing it on the ground before crashing your lips against his, gripping onto his shirt tightly to keep him close to you. “Oh… Hi there…” He teased, and you weren’t sure whether his cheeks were flushed from the suddenness of your actions or from what he had just done, but it only made him even sexier. “You like that, don’t you sweetpea?” He cooed, brushing his thumb along your cheek as you nodded sheepishly, the thick crimson liquid that was on his hands staining your face. “You’ve got some concerning kinks…”

You quickly dropped your head, taking a step back as your hands fell to your sides. “Sorry…” You mumbled, but now he was moving towards you, his eyes hooded as he kept walking, backing you up against the nearest tree before pinning you between him and the rough bark that scraped along your back.

“Don’t be…” His tone was hushed now as he dipped his head in to kiss along your neck, his hands moving down to grip your hips as his knee moved between your legs, pressing his thigh against your center, causing you to gasp softly. “I like it… Makes doing this way more gratifying. I might have to take you out more often.”

The thought of him taking you out just to find someone to do this to shouldn’t have turned you on as much as it did, but you felt yourself getting wetter, and there was only one thing that you truly wanted right now. “You could bring them back to the house… I don’t even care… I just want you like this…” Your voice was rough as you tugged at his shirt, pulling him closer until his chest was pressed against yours. “You don’t know how hot you are right now…”

He let out a chuckle, but the sound was low, husky, and it had your knees going weak. Your hands moved down to his pants, making quick work of the button and the zipper before letting them drop around his feet. Your fingers brushed along the outline of his hardened cock through his boxers causing him to inhale sharply. “Fuck…” He groaned, his own hands fumbling with your pants as he tried to get them off of you. “Come here, baby.” He whispered once your pants were off, hoisting your legs up around his waist as he pressed you further against the tree to help support you.

There was no prepping, the both of you lost in the moment, lost in each other as he lined himself up with your entrance, and with one quick thrust upwards, he bottomed out inside of you. Your face was buried in his shoulder to muffle your moans and whimpers as he continued to thrust into you, the force behind it causing the bark of the tree to dig deeper into your back, but you didn’t even care. “S-So good… You’re so fucking good…” You moaned loudly, your nails digging into his shoulder blades to keep yourself up.

Every single time with him was amazing, but there was something about this time, something that had you reaching the edge quicker than ever, your walls already pulsing around him as your legs began to shake. “Already gonna cum, aren’t you baby?” His eyes narrowed as he smirk stretched along his face. “You like it like this? Hmm?”

Your head nodded swiftly as you whimpered loudly, your hands moving from his shoulders to wrap your arms around his neck, your forehead pressed against his own. “Don’t… Don’t want you to stop…” You panted out, your throat going dry from the open mouthed breathing. “You’re the best…” You were rambling at this point, but the more you did, it only boosted his ego, his grip on your hips becoming bruisingly tight as his thrusts became rougher, sharper, targeting that spot deep inside of you that would have you seeing stars.

“You’re goddamn right I’m the best…” He grunted, his lips finding your neck again, biting and sucking the skin to leave fresh marks, marks that would let the world and everyone in it know that you were his. “And I’m the only one that gets to have you like this… I’ll never let you leave me… Never…”

It was something that you were well aware of, but hearing him say it now, it only made him hotter, something that you didn’t even think was possible, but those words had pushed you, moaning his name loudly as your cum coated his cock.

“Oh… Oh shit…” He grunted, his nails digging into your skin as he pressed his body further against you, bracing himself as his own orgasm crashed over him, his eyes squeezing shut and heavy breaths leaving parted lips as he found his release deep inside of you, his cum coating your slick walls that continued to pulse around him. “Fuck, baby… I think that’s the quickest… Holy shit…” He shook his head, carefully pulling out of you before gently setting you down on your feet again.

“Are you okay?” You lightly questioned, brushing his hair out of his face so you could get a better look at him, a sheen of sweat beading his forehead and his eyes slightly dazed… He was absolutely perfect.

He hummed quietly, pulling his pants up before helping you with your own and then pressing a swift kiss to your lips. “I’m better than okay, sweetpea… You’re so amazing… You look so pretty right now… Hold up.” Your eyebrow arched as you watched him fish his phone out of his pocket, snapping a quick picture of you that you weren��t expecting at all, causing you to immediately run over to see. “Just gotta show everyone how gorgeous my girl is.”

You were too perfect to keep hidden away forever, and with how much fun he had with you today, he knew he’d want to keep taking you out, especially if it always ended like this. He had to show the world who you were, that you were his, and how perfect the two of you were together. Whatever came after that, well… He’d handle those things as they came, but for now… For now things were better than ever.

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inciting-chaos-series · 1 year

Text

The Night Shift: Chapter Two

If you'd like to be tagged when new chapters are posted let me know!

-Ghostiewvlf

✦✦Update: Edited slightly :) -Ghostiewvlf

✦ The Night Shift Masterpost ✦

➢ Tag List: @valleys

➢Summary:

You work the night shift at a local dog kennel for boarding and daycare. You love the peace and quiet of the shift, but just when you get comfortable- a few break-ins happen around town, and upper management decides to place your quiet, brooding, shift lead on the schedule with you.

☽✧ Chapter Two: Hesitancy ✧☾

-Y/N POV-

The next few shifts with him were pretty uneventful. Logan sustained his normal, more closed off, demeanor- though it seemed he opened up a lot more when it was just the two of you and no other staff or customers. It was nice getting to know him on a level besides ‘young guy that happened to be in charge but never acted like it.’

“I never really wanted this position, you know.” He muttered softly.

“What?” You hadn't expected him to change the subject so quickly. You’d finished early tonight, on account of the small number of animals that were boarding along with the cold weather outside preventing longer playgroups for them. You'd just been joking around about a crazy customer that kept calling after hours.

“Shift lead. I know no one here really sees me as a boss, I like it and all but… for what they’re expecting of me, vs what theyre paying me… its fucking ridiculous.” He laughed and scrolled through his Twitter feed on the work computer.

“Isn't that how they always get you?” You laughed lightly. Neither the company, nor the industry itself, were known for the competitive pay or the proper treatment of staff.

“Pretty much. I was just too desperate for any type of raise since I just lost my- roommate or whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “Shits fuckin difficult.”

“I’m sorry man, did you wanna talk about it?” You offered softly, unsure of how to react to him willingly telling you all this.

“No- no, just- I don't know. I just don't want you to see me as this, like, hard ass or something you know? I hear the conversations behind closed doors.” He laughed. “Ever since I got ‘promoted’ everyone hates working with me. They think that either I’m a rat, or that I didn't deserve the position… It doesn't bother me too much but, I don't know- if we're gonna be working together almost every night, I just hope you don’t see me that way I suppose. It would make things easier.”

“I don’t. I mean- it is strange suddenly like- working one-on-one with just your shift lead, but I don't know, I guess you and I have the same kind of work ethic so it kind of works out.” You chuckled and shrugged.

“True.” He gave you a tired smile before his eyes widened a bit. “Shit I never paid up on that IOU huh?” He pulled out his phone and leaned back in the reception chair next to you. “How does pizza sound?” He raised an eyebrow and smiled a crooked grin.

“You don't have to do that.” You laughed. “I was pretty used to working these shifts solo, so having you to help just makes it easier, you napping on the job didn't affect me much.” You nudged his chair lightly with your shoe, pushing it slightly.

“Whatever, I always keep my word, so I’m getting us pizza, it sounds fire right now.” He rolled his eyes and pushed you back before turning his attention to his phone again. “Pepperoni sound good?”

“Sounds good to me.” You shrugged and smiled at him.

---

Once the end of your shift rolled around, he clocked both of you out before waiting at the door while you gathered up your things. He flashed you a tired smile when you finally headed over to the door.

“You didn’t need to wait for me… you’re exhausted you should've headed out.” You stated as you both made your way out after locking up.

“It’s fuckin dark out here though… I mean- wasn't management's whole point of having two of us work so that we’re safe?” He teased in a soft mocking tone while he walked you over to your car. “Can’t let those hooligans get to us underpaid staff.”

“Yeah I suppose so…” You laughed and stopped at your car door, unlocking it and tossing your bag in. “Well, thank you anyways- you get home safe.”

“You too, y/n.” He smiled and gave you a nod before hopping into his own car. This was such a new side of him to you. Night shifts were actually becoming fun like day shifts with Liz were before switching over. It was nice that you actually got to talk and be friendly. You were actually starting to look forward to working the next shift with Logan.

-Logan’s POV-

He sat and let his car warm up, keeping an eye on you to ensure your car started and you could be on your way home. Once you’d left the lot he let out a huff of breath he hadn't realized he’d been holding. He hadn’t exactly meant to reveal so much about himself, it just seemed to slip out so easily. He took his phone and connected it to the stereo before putting on one of his playlists and starting his own drive home.

He had to admit to himself, working the later shifts with you had been much nicer than the day shifts. He was finding himself looking forward to them, even the days he pulled a double. You were a dedicated worker, and it was obvious that you showed up for much more than a paycheck, you really did care about the work you put in and the animal’s happiness. He respected it, though he found it a bit funny; you seemed to be on the same page as him when it came to certain policies or disliking the culture within the field- yet you never cut corners when it came to the important tasks or taking care of the animals. He understood now why management had been so lackluster about choosing him as shift lead- you had obviously been their first choice, given the extensive experience and expertise you had in the field, but since you were only part-time- they couldn’t give you the title of lead. He wondered if they had even approached you about it or not.

Not that any of it mattered at all to him, afterall he was keeping you at an arm's-length from him. He didn’t need anyone new in his life, and judging on how similar you were to him, you’d be fast friends for sure. He didn’t need to see the disappointment grow in your face as you slowly got to know him, and he didn’t need to watch another person walk out of his life- after all, you were smart, and funny… and kind, you would quickly grow wise to what a degenerate he truly was.

Once he got home he grabbed a snack before quickly retreating to his room. He still wasn’t fully able to exist comfortably in the living room or kitchen, even his bedroom it was difficult. There were far too many memories of when he wasn’t living alone that taunted him out there. Everywhere he looked in his apartment he seemed to be bombarded with flashbacks of her and the life they’d had together before she inevitably broke him.

He collapsed in bed and started up a game on his console to relax. Just as he finished up his first match, he heard his phone buzz at his side. He felt a similar buzz in his chest in the hope that it was you, but that didn’t last as the Google Photos notification appeared on his screen. His gaze hardened as he checked the date while the application loaded. Just as he suspected, an old anniversary date. He swiped the app closed before the photos of some long buried memory could load and force it all back to the surface. He tossed the phone away and started another match, a new frustrated indignation brewing in him and souring his abnormally good mood. He didn’t want to drink again- he couldn’t come into work and have you seeing him hungover again, but the urge was strong from the bottle beside him on the nightstand.

It wasn't until a quarter till 4am that it buzzed again, he paused the game and was ready to shut off the device when your name appeared on the screen. He instantly clicked it and was greeted with your familiar friendly tone in your texts.

Y/n:

You make it home safe?

Logan:

Yeah like thirty minutes ago. Do you really drive that slow, granny?

Y/n:

I live far away and it’s foggy on the highway… ac-tu-ally

Logan:

Whatever you need to tell yourself to rationalize it 😂

Glad you’re home safe. Get some rest lol

He couldn’t help the full laugh as you sent back an angry grandma gif in response, nor could he help the slight dread he felt afterward in response.

➢ Links:

✦ Fics Masterlist ✦ The Night Shift Masterpost ✦ ✦ AO3 ✦ Wattpad ✦ Art ✦ ✦ Requests Masterpost & Guidelines ✦ Request Trope List ✦ 。:゜:.*∵✧∵ ☽ Submit A Request ☾∵✧∵*:.゜: 。

#The Night Shift #TNS #corpse husband #corpse husband fanfiction #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #romance #slow burn #coworkers to lovers #fanfiction #fanfic #mutual pining #fluff #angst #Ghostie Howls #J Writes

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booksandabeer · 1 year

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Hello, I hope it is fine for me to ask you about this. I would like your opinion on something. I have just gotten into the steve/bucky community and looking through some blogs that seemed a good starting point to get fic recommendations. Yours is one of them but it seems to me, that there is less drama here, if you know what I mean. The question I have is about two series that I have seen discussed really controversial, people only seem to hate them. One is "Not Easily Conquered" and one is "What I'm Looking For". I appreciate that you seem to be more levelheaded about these things, so would you say it is worth it? And do you know more blogs like yours that aren't so hateful? I trust your judgement, thank you in advance.

Hey anon,

What a message! I don’t even know where to start with this one. Well, first of all, welcome to Stuckyhell™—I hope you enjoy crying about two centenarian super soldiers because you’ll be doing that a lot! I have to say that my experience in the community has been overwhelmingly positive so far. Maybe I’ve just been lucky, but I feel that if you don’t go looking for drama and realize early on that occasionally the best course of action is to privately roll your eyes and simply keep on scrolling, you’ll do just fine and it’s a pretty chill experience overall.

Now as to your fic-related questions. I'm honestly a bit surprised. Where did you see all that hateful talk about these two series? I think I can count on one hand the number of people who have ever dared to utter even so much as a mildly critical opinion on NEC? And I’ve never heard a negative word about WILF at all? Hm.

But you asked my opinion so here we go:

Okay, so. NEC. There's a reason why you won't find any mention of it on my blog. Honestly, I had kind of hoped that I could get away with never having to publicly speak about my, ahem, complicated feelings about this series. Guess not.

Let's just rip off the bandaid: I'm not a fan. Now, it’s not a *bad* fic by any means, not at all. The letters in particular are exquisitely written, and I can see why people go feral over them, but almost everything else about this series leaves me somewhere between cold, uncomfortable, or mildly infuriated. That’s all I’ll say about it outside of DMs because (1) I’m not interested in creating any drama here, (2) trying to understand the excessive popularity of this series just leads to me being frustrated and baffled all over again, and (3) I know that a lot of people—among them some of my most beloved mutuals and fandom friends—really, really love this series and I think it’s mean and frankly bad form to talk negatively about something that they love with all their heart, in a space where they are very likely to see it. I probably already said too much, but you asked, and this is my honest answer.

(And btw, this is also a big part of creating a chill fandom experience for yourself: Just accept that some things simply aren’t for you and you will never understand why everybody is so into it. But publicly & repeatedly railing against it in great detail is very unlikely to change anyone’s mind. You’re just going to make them feel bad about a thing they love and they won’t thank you for it. Also, people can like different things and still be friends. I know—what a concept!)

So back to your question: should you read NEC? I mean, yeah, go for it. So many people adore it, maybe you'll end up being one of them. Just because I personally don't love it, doesn't mean you won't either. If nothing else, you'll at least know what people are talking about when they praise it or, apparently, hate on it, and you'll be able to form your own opinions.

The other series you mentioned, What I'm Looking For, I absolutely recommend. If you're in the mood for a long, sprawling series that stays very close to canon while also trying to make sense of its often faulty narrative logic and inconsistent characterization, this will certainly do it for you! However, keep in mind that this is a veeeeery slow burn series, so if you want to read something that rather quickly gives you all the fuzzy happy romantic Stucky feels, then perhaps you better pick something else.

As for other blogs that do rec posts. @voylitscope makes fantastic themed rec lists. @burberrycanary occasionally makes rec posts with the added bonus of beautiful "fake" book covers. @sparkagrace and @xoxobuckybarnes put together monthly reading lists, and @hazel-wand and @msilverstar often post individual fic recs. I'm sure there are many more!

And of course, you can always send me an ask if you're looking for fics that feature certain tropes/genres/time periods/etc.

#i tried to phrase my response as politely/considerately/vaguely as i possibly could but if you're an nec superfan maybe look away. sorry!#musings of a fanfic reader #asks

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gemini--witch · 6 months

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Social media activism is important, actually

Background: I'm a 30-year-old mother attending university. So, I'm a nontraditional student. The vast majority of my fellow students are traditional students, meaning they went right into college straight out of high school, and are consequently no older than 22. Which means they're all on the younger end of Gen Z. Overall, I love Gen Z. Y'all are some of the funniest people on the planet, you're radical and intelligent AF, and I really feel for you having to grow up in the hellscape that is climate catastrophe and late-stage capitalism, so I really am against any kind of class warfare bullshit.

With that being said.

In my last class of fall term (incidentally a short story genre class, but the fun part of university is getting to apply fiction to real life in order to deepen our understanding of it), our class got into a spirited debate about the merits of social media in terms of being exposed to the nitty gritty of world events, such as what's happening in Gaza. Many of my fellow students held the opinion that all the videos of Gaza genocide (and other atrocities against humanity) are just trauma porn and people should stop scrolling and actually do something about it if they care that much because social media doesn't actually help anything at all.

In part, I agree. Doomscrolling in itself is not helpful to anything. They're not wrong there. And for a hot minute -- because I care about other people's opinions and when there are that many people disagreeing with me, I take the time to think through everything for a few weeks afterwards to see if I was really wrong -- I questioned my instincts. I know that sometimes I'm awful at communicating my ideas out loud and in person. I'm so much better at writing things out. But after really sitting on this topic almost constantly for a solid three weeks, I've finally formulated a strong opinion.

Social media activism is fucking important.

Does doomscrolling help anything? No. But the entire reason why the world actually CARES about the Palestinian's plight right now is because of social media! Because of people on the ground filming what's happening and blasting it for the world to see!

One fellow student said that people shouldn't have to view trauma porn in order to care about others. That's the sort of idyllic view that I would have had at 18. It would be WONDERFUL if people could see genocide and corruption and evil where it exists and automatically take a stance against it and have a huge, collective outcry. But even before social media existed, that sort of thing simply did not happen on a big, collective level without activists first getting the dirty, awful imagery and information disseminated to the mass populace. I mean, by 1970 most of the general population of the world didn't even remember Palestinians resided in Israel. The propaganda machine was (and is) loud.

In 2023, most of the earth's residents are too consumed with simply getting by in the dystopia of their own countries to think about atrocities without them being blasted in their face on their preferred social media. Even people in the middle class are too stressed to think a lot of the time. So many of us are experiencing a mass feeling of helplessness, and social media activism gets us out of our own heads and helps us care about someone else for a change.

Yes, we can't stop at doomscrolling. I of all people understand how doomscrolling and posting on social media can make the brain feel like it actually did something big and it's so easy to just stop there. Yes, we have to move on from the screen to signing petitions and carrying signs and sending angry emails and phone calls to our representatives and donating money to mutual aid if we have the privilege to do so.

But the first step to being part of the solution is first being aware of the problem. And as hard as it may be to see, "trauma porn" is often the first door into awareness for a lot of people, especially white people. I totally get people who are directly affected by the atrocities not wanting to see the videos and pictures of it on social media (for example, one student in my class has family in Gaza). But for people not directly affected, they need reminders that it's still happening, in order to keep the momentum. It's too easy to be swept up in the tide of distraction and hardship and survival in everyday life, and forget that we have values of freedom and mutual compassion on a global scale. Social media activism helps us remember.

tl;dr social media activism is an important doorway for people into IRL activism

#personal opinion #social media activism

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pesterloglog · 7 months

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Karkat Vantas, John Egbert

Act 4, page 1667

CG: I KEEP SCROLLING BACKWARDS THROUGH YOUR ADVENTURE.

CG: TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER HOW YOU BOTCH THIS UP SO BADLY.

CG: AND I KEEP FINDING THESE STRIKING POCKETS OF FOOLISHNESS.

CG: LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW.

CG: RIDING YOUR LITTLE RED ROCKET.

CG: LIKE YOU ARE A FRESHLY HATCHED HUMAN LARVA AND THIS IS JUST ALL A BIG SCHOOLHIVE RUMPUS RESPITE.

EB: humans aren't hatched as larvae dummy.

EB: we don't hatch at all.

EB: we are born as these like little pink monkeys called babies.

CG: BULLSHIT.

CG: THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU JUST TOLD ME.

EB: what did i say?

CG: I'LL PASTE WHAT YOU SAID.

EB: i thought you didn't like going down that road?

EB: copy-pasting future/past conversations...

CG: WHY WOULD I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT.

EB: i dunno, that's what you just told me.

CG: WHATEVER, LOOK:

CG: EB: this is really weird...

CG: CG: WHAT'S SO WEIRD ABOUT IT.

CG: EB: well, normally humans hatch...

CG: EB: from like these slimy pods.

CG: EB: then we wriggle out as a little pink larva.

CG: CG: OH REALLY.

CG: CG: HUH, MAYBE WE HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN I THOUGHT.

EB: hahaha!

EB: i was punking you dude!

EB: or at least i will be in our next conversation.

EB: thanks for the great prank idea.

CG: ARGH.

CG: WHY WOULD YOU TRICK ME ABOUT THAT, WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT.

EB: i don't know, it was just a friendly prank.

EB: don't you ever play pranks?

EB: i mean, of course you do, one of you just tried to prank me good.

CG: WHAT, WHO.

EB: pffffff, you'll find out.

CG: WELL FINE.

CG: I GUESS YOU GOT ME BACK, SORT OF.

CG: FOR MY TROLLING, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN'T EVEN READ MY WORST TROLLING EFFORTS YET.

CG: BECAUSE THEY HAPPEN IN YOUR FUTURE.

CG: AND EVEN THEN YOU DIDN'T EVEN MIND MUCH, ALMOST LIKE YOU WERE DELIGHTED TO HEAR IT.

CG: KIND OF PERVERSE REALLY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

EB: well, we're friends by then, aren't we?

EB: or sort of like, uh, reverse anti-mutual friends.

CG: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.

EB: look, you're going to have to face it at some point...

EB: that you're learning the meaning of this human emotion called friendship.

CG: IS FRIENDSHIP REALLY AN EMOTION?

EB: yes, absolutely.

CG: I GUESS IT'S HARD TO SEE HOW WE BECOME FRIENDS.

CG: THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING.

CG: EVERY TIME I GO FURTHER BACK INTO YOUR PAST AND TALK TO YOU, YOU SAY STUFF THAT PERTAINS TO MY IMMEDIATE FUTURE.

CG: AND THEN YOU WON'T EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON, BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY OLD NEWS FOR YOU.

EB: dude, you've been doing the same exact thing!!!

CG: I'VE DONE NO SUCH THING.

CG: I'VE BEEN EXCEPTIONALLY INFORMATIVE AND HELPFUL.

CG: IF JUSTIFIABLY ACRIMONIOUS.

EB: you never answer my questions, though.

EB: how am i supposed to know what's going on, or what you're alluding to?

CG: THIS GAME IS KIND OF A GAME OF A MILLION GUIDES.

CG: EVERYWHERE YOU TURN THERE'S ANOTHER WAY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON, SO PLEASE, GO SECRETE ME AN EARTH RIVER THROUGH YOUR STRANGE HUMAN TEAR DUCTS.

CG: YOU'VE GOT SPRITES, EXILES, GUARDIANS, CONSORTS...

CG: TIME HOPPING FUTURE SELVES, MYSTICAL DREAM ORACLE DOPPELGANGERS...

CG: AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, YOUR PARTICULAR GROUP OF PLAYERS IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE US TO GIVE YOU THE SCOOP ON STUFF.

CG: THROUGH A SORT OF SUBVERSION OF THE WHOLE DAMN THING.

CG: EVEN THOUGH WE HATE YOU.

CG: AND EVEN THOUGH THE FACT THAT WE HATE YOU

CG: IS AN IMMUTABLE FACT AS UNALTERABLE AS THIS WRITHING KNOTTED HELL OF A TIMELINE CHOKING US ALL TO DEATH

CG: IT DOES NOT MEAN WE HAVE ANY REASON TO WITHHOLD ANY INFORMATION FROM YOU

CG: OR DISH IT OUT THROUGH CRYPTOBAFFLING MIND FUDDLERY.

CG: SO GO AHEAD, ASK ME ANYTHING.

EB: ok...

EB: what's the point of the game.

CG: ASK SOMETHING ELSE.

CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT.

CG: IT WAS THIS WHOLE BIG CONVERSATION WE HAD.

EB: augh!

EB: fine.

EB: where are you now?

CG: IN THE MEDIUM.

CG: A SEPARATE SESSION FROM YOURS.

EB: no no, i know that!

EB: you already told me.

CG: I DID?

EB: yes, in your future.

CG: DAMMIT.

EB: what i mean is...

EB: are you in your house right now, or in one of your magical lands, or what?

EB: just curious cause you can see me, but i can't see or know anything about you!

CG: WE'RE HIDING IN THE VEIL.

CG: WHAT'S LEFT OF IT.

EB: what's that?

CG: IT'S A HUGE BELT OF METEORS

CG: ORBITING WAY OUTSIDE SKAIA, BEYOND THE ORBIT OF THE PLANETS

CG: DIVIDING THE MEDIUM FROM THE FURTHEST RING

CG: WHERE DERSE ORBITS.

EB: derse?

CG: THE DARK PLANET.

CG: PROSPIT'S THE LIGHT ONE NEAR SKAIA.

EB: well jeez, how am i supposed to know any of this??

CG: YOU'D PROBABLY FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER FROM YOUR DUMB GRANDMA.

CG: BUT BY FUSING WITH THE SPRITE SHE HAS TO WITHHOLD STUFF AND BE MYSTERIOUS AND ALL.

CG: TO MAKE YOUR ADVENTURE SEEM MORE "MAAAAAAGICAL!!!!"

CG: IT'S INFURIATING.

EB: ok, so the veil is a bunch of meteors...

EB: what do you mean "what's left of it"?

CG: OK, THERE COMES A TIME WHEN BLACK INEVITABLY BEATS WHITE

CG: ON THE BATTLEFIELD IN THE CENTER OF SKAIA

CG: THE WHITE KING IS CAPTURED OR KILLED OR SOMETHING

CG: THAT'S WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS.

EB: ok...

CG: THE RULERS OF DERSE

CG: THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN

CG: GET THE POWER TO SEND THE VEIL TOWARD SKAIA

CG: TO DESTROY IT

CG: THAT KIND OF STARTS YOUR BIG "COUNTDOWN"

CG: WHEN SHIT GETS SERIOUS.

EB: so then it's up to us to save it?

CG: YEAH, YOU HAVE THAT LONG TO KILL THE BLACK QUEEN AND KING

CG: AND SKAIA ITSELF SORT OF BUYS YOU SOME TIME

CG: BY ACTIVATING ITS DEFENSE PORTALS

CG: TO CATCH SOME OF THE METEORS

CG: THE THREAT GETS BIGGER THE LONGER YOU TAKE THOUGH

CG: SMALLER METEORS COME FIRST AND THEY GET PROGRESSIVELY BIGGER AND BIGGER

CG: AND THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH OF THEM SKAIA CAN ABSORB FOR YOU.

EB: ok, but it sounds like we've got plenty of time before that happens, right?

CG: THAT'S JUST IT.

CG: YOU DON'T.

CG: ORDINARILY YOU WOULD BUT

CG: YOUR RECKONING STARTS MUCH SOONER

CG: BECAUSE OF SOME DUMB THINGS YOU'VE DONE

CG: YOU COMPLETELY BLEW IT ALREADY AND YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING ANYMORE

CG: WHICH ORDINARILY WOULD BE FINE

CG: JUST ANOTHER BUNCH OF LOSERS TO FAIL AT THIS GAME

CG: IT'S WHAT YOU DO LATER THAT CAUSES SO MUCH MORE TROUBLE THAN THAT

CG: AND NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT TOO.

EB: oh no...

EB: what is it?

CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU.

CG: IT'S INEVITABLE AND COMPLETELY POINTLESS TO TALK ABOUT ANYWAY.

EB: yeah, well...

EB: maybe you're wrong!

EB: maybe there's something we can still do to stop it, if you just help us?

CG: I'M NOT WRONG, IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME, YOU FUCK UP ROYALLY, END OF STORY.

EB: ok, we'll see about that, mr. sourbulge.

EB: hey, aren't you kind of uncomfortable sitting on a meteor?

EB: are you all huddled in a crater or something?

CG: NO, THERE'S ALL KINDS OF CRAZY SHIT IN THE VEIL.

CG: A LOT OF THESE METEORS ARE KIND OF LIKE...

CG: BIG SEEDS.

EB: seeds?

EB: um...

EB: well, what kind of crazy shit is there?

CG: STUFF LIKE...

CG: BUILDINGS

CG: FACILITIES

CG: LIKE LABS AND STUFF.

EB: weird.

CG: YEAH, THE VEIL IS KIND OF LIKE NEUTRAL GROUND FOR THE KINGDOMS, LIKE OUR PLANETS.

CG: SOME PLACES ARE USED TO GENETICALLY ENGINEER SOLDIERS AND AGENTS FOR THE TWO SIDES.

CG: USING GENETIC MATERIAL FROM THE EXOTIC MENAGERIE OF CHESS PIECES ON THE BATTLEFIELD.

CG: TO HELP FUEL THE WAR AND KEEP RAISING THE STAKES.

EB: wow, i don't think i'm following this.

CG: YEAH NO SHIT!

CG: BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT WHEN YOU GET THERE

CG: SINCE YOU WERE IN THE VEIL WHEN WE LAST TALKED.

CG: ANYWAY THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH INFO FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT AND BE LESS STUPID IN TIME FOR CONVERSATIONS WE'VE ALREADY HAD.

CG: I'M OUT OF HERE.

EB: ok, but wait...

EB: can you give a message to GC for me?

EB: tell her nice try.

CG: WHAT

CG: WHY WOULD I GIVE HER A MESSAGE FOR YOU

CG: DO IT YOURSELF, I'M NOT A RELAY SERVICE.

EB: oh, well i thought you'd be cool with it since you asked me to give her a message for you last time.

EB: but whatever.

CG: I FIND THAT HIGHLY IMPLAUSIBLE.

CG: I'M NOT FALLING FOR ANY MORE OF YOUR HUMAN PRANKS.

CG: "NICE TRY" JOHN

CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --

#homestuck #karkat vantas #john egbert #homestuck act 4 #page 1667

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sunkingwrites · 2 years

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goooood morning.. 💕 mm I’m so sleepy still- gonna make myself some coffee and then hopefully my stomach doesn’t get upset with the amount of cookies I plan to eat for breakfast 😙

anywaaaays, I’m gonna be cooking a lot today because it’s almost someones birthday and like the good roommate I am I gotta cook their favorite foods~ oh but but I was catching up with bnha before I went to sleep last night (pls I swear I slept when you told me to) but then my roommate came in and.. stole my laptop? I mean I didn’t mind because I was having a mental breakdown over the recent episode,, but now I’m concerned what they did because all they said was “I need le minecraft.” and left 🥲

and I finally finished the firewatch shinkami fic- why tf is it so good??? awhkjhdiuhoina I kept getting distracted noticing the little elements in the writing but it just made it so captivating 😭

oH OH AND- I finally finished what I had left for my college projects and sooo I don’t have anything to do for the next 2 days.. unless *cough* anyone *cough* wants to do me 🥺/j

jokes aside I was crying this morning because I also finished chapter 5 of the song of achilles and we got a background check on one of the characters and I swear I could see the mommy issues shining through 😔

OK NOW IM JUST RANTING OF WHAT IVE BEEN DOING HJQSDKJKWFDKJJNKASD- I can’t get discord to open so that’s why I’m sending an ask tho 🥲

oh oh and my mind just suddenly filled with questions last night and it wont stop bothering me lol I dunno why… they’re so random tho- although I’m very curious on the one reason we know each other: how did you find my blog? It’s just a lingering question that I always wonder when someone follows me hehe- I mean,, I’m very glad you found me because holy shit— 😭 I remember how you were freaking out because I followed you back- that was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life tbh (we’ve been mutuals for well over a month ayo??)

anyways I’m gonna stop my intrusive mind from dumbing more stuff here so I don’t clog up your asks.. I hope you have a great great day, and I will send you kisses and updates of what I cook and uhh shit I do! on discord this time hehe… well unless food pics are not something you like then I’ll just spam you with random shit I do-!

mwah mwah~ ✨

Dude,, IF YOU MADE FOOD FOR MY BIRTHDAY I WOULD FUCKING CRYYY

Ohhhh my godssshfjsmck the fucking shinkami fic,, IT HAD NO RIGHT TO BE THAT GOOD- I WANT TO GET THAT GOOD AT WRITING AJJCNSNNF but like,, I was so fucking close to crying?? MultiPLE TIMES??? AND LIKE ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT WHEN DENKI WAS RUNNING TO THE TOWER,, AND I THINK IT'S SO COOL THEY ADDED ACTUAL BNHA LORE WITH THAT OTHER ASSASSIN HERO LADY AND THAT THEY COULD EXPLAIN DENKI'S LEGS DOING THAT NSKDJSBBFBDB

just-- so fucking good-

Mmmm,, we love mommy issues-- just love love love that for us~ No but like, characters with mommy issues are always too relatable to write aghh- LIKE STOP HAVING MY THOUGHTS PLEASE,, I UNDERSTAND I HAVE TRAUMA JUST LEAVE MEH ALONE

..if you couldn't tell- I had sugar-- remember that boba tea icecream I sent you a photo of in the superstore a while back? Yeah well I bought it today at Walmart and now it's almost gone,, and and I also got an ube icecream too, and Marmo hAtEs it- but I like it and I already knew that I would-- and now I wanna make an ube, vanilla milkshake aahhhh yum yum,, obviously not tonight-- maybe tomorrow if I can???

Okay okay and,, as you know my remember is full of shit so this miGHt be wRoNg- but I'm pretty sure I saw.. mmm I think a writing post first- maybe cuz it aligned with one of my tags?? Then I was like "oooh, I wonder if this person has anything else written for this character-?? Lemme seee~"

so then I would've found your master list post and I liked the vibe of it,, so then I'm pretty sure I just started scrolling through and randomly liking shit-?? I was still like a week new on tumblr so I was desperately looking for people to follow and get some more content flowing through my dash and to interest with--

Thennn, I think it was that composition you had posted that kinda embodied your anxiety that got me hooked,, cuz I kept listening to it on loop- so then I felt like I had to comment about getting it on Spotify,, since my family has a premium plan it's the place I usually get my music,, AND THEN I saw the picrew and I was just gONe cuz I fucking love making picrews and yours looked so cool and you just seemed like you'd be a fun person to talk to.. and then I shared mine with you and just kept talking and uhhh- yeah! That's what's up!! ✨✨

-also also you're birthday on twitter says it's the 28th- so I thought that was funny xD

#ollie<3 #sunkingchats #just talking #personal

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jungkxook · 4 years

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—make it right. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader

⟶ genre: punk!jungkook / band au / exes-to-lovers au / angst / smut

⟶ words: 11,528

⟶ rating: 18+

⟶ summary: you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

⟶ warnings: jungkook has a tongue piercing, oral sex because of said tongue piercing (fem!recieving), more tattooed and long haired jungkook to feed my fantasies, angsty pining clingy sex, also just general soft sex, crying sex lol, riding, creampie, slight praise kink themes, unprotected sex

⟶ disclaimer: here’s my one year blog anniversary present inspired by the first ever fic i posted on here! yes this is technically a sequel to melomaniac but not really. sort of like an alternate universe to the alternate universe but you don’t really have to read one or the other to understand the other. so, i hope you enjoy!

⟶ this is part of the melodrama tour series!

You swear you’re over Jungkook.

In fact, you would even go so far as to say you hate him ━ but you know that’s not true. It’s just that it’s much easier to believe that if you tell yourself you hate him enough times, then maybe you’ll find a way to fix your broken heart, and the pain in his absence won’t hurt so bad.

As it turns out, it hardly works.

Seven months since he had left you to travel the world with his band, basking in promised eternal glory and fame and money, and yet even miles and oceans away from where you stand, he’s all you can think about. There’s a myriad of reasons as to why trying to forget him was an useless endeavour. The hardships of trying to forget a cherished life-long friendship you had grown accustomed to was one of them, and those lingering happy moments you had shared with him as lovers however fleeting they may be was another. But then there was the ever present fact that Jungkook and his band were so quick to rise to fame, their names far exceeding the seemingly cramped and small city you had both reigned from, and suddenly the boy you had known forever, and everything special that makes him, was now being shared to hundreds of millions of adoring fans.

You were certain it was all Jungkook ever wanted, the added attention and the pretty girls fawning over him, because he had always been a casanova in many ways despite always promising you that you were the only one for him even before you had started dating. You had told him it wouldn’t work ━ I trust you as my best friend, you had said in a moment of despair, grasping at straws. I don’t have to worry about you breaking my heart. But I don’t know if I can trust you as my boyfriend ━ far before he and his band had been signed to their record label and paraded around the world, when they were still practicing in rented storage units and friends’ garages and rundown local studios, playing gigs anywhere and everywhere from dingy bars to college campus parties, supporting him every step of the way if only because he was your best friend, and he had been so persistent that it would work, chasing after you even when you tried to push him away. I would treat you right, he had urged so ardently late one drunken night after stumbling back to his apartment. I already practically worship the ground you walk on.

And how could you ━ who had already been so madly in love with him but scared of him breaking your heart, scared of losing him, scared of this happening ━ ever resist him? He made love seem so easy, and maybe that’s because it was when you were with him. But now, he was no longer yours; now, he was the world’s, and you were nothing but a mere hazy fragmented memory in his mind, long forgotten, watching from the side of the stage much like you always had from the very start of it all.

“Hey, isn’t this that band?” Jihyo’s voice bursts through your wandering trail of thoughts.

It takes you a moment to recollect yourself, finding yourself not in the arms of an ex-lover or stuck in a bygone time of months past, but in the cosy and amiable café nearest your campus and frequented by a plethora of your fellow peers. You’re fortunate to find that your other group mates have also become sidetracked, trailing far from the assignment you were all supposed to be working on. Dahyun is perched beside you, chin nestled in the palm of her hand and elbow propped on the table as she scrolls aimlessly through her phone; Jihyo and Taeyong were sat across from you, gossiping fervently about some mutual friend of theirs. You hadn’t known the pair long enough to know much about them or the tragic affair of whoever Mina is for accepting her cheating boyfriend back for the second time, and, likewise, they seem oblivious to your own self-wallowing once you realize what’s caught Jihyo’s sudden attention.

You hear his voice first.

It’s easy to discern, even after all this time and even amongst the muffled chatter and clanking of porcelain and cutlery of those seated around you. The sweet, velvety lull of Jungkook singing throughout the café from the overhead speakers, pretty upbeat melodies and synths mixed with wistful words making up the song he had written for you before he left, before the fame and fans, as a way of telling you how he truly felt about you. It feels like a dream, and maybe that’s because it is, bringing you instantly to another time, and another world. You still remember him showing you the unfinished song for the very first time, curled up next to him in his living room, listening to him serenade you to sleep, humming in places where he hadn’t formed the words yet, strumming along with his acoustic. It was yours and his until he showed the world almost a year ago on their very first show at the Seoul Olympic Stadium in front of thousands of people, as a final desperate act of proclaiming his love for you after a disastrous attempt at a first date that he had begged from you. Just one, he pleaded. To prove it to you that I can be a good boyfriend. And if things don’t work out, we can pretend it never happened and just go back to being us. That’s a promise.

At the time, you had treasured the song. It was beautiful in every way, his love transcending his words and enveloping your heart in pure warmth.

Now, you hate it.

It’s the third time you’ve heard the song that day. Despite avoiding it as best as you could, it seems to find a way to make itself known in your daily life like the nagging nuisance it is. Because fate seemed to enjoy its sadistic behaviour of having the song be one of the main reasons Jungkook and his band had skyrocketed to fame in such a short span of time and, suddenly, Jungkook disappearing from your life meant little when his voice remained as a constant reminder of what could have been, what couldn’t have been, and what fell apart at the already fragile seams. And what was a proclamation of love to you turned into nothing but a fabled tale of lovers. You wonder if people who hear it ever think about where they’ve gone, or who they’ve turned into, or if their love was made to last. You wonder, above all else, if people ever think about it at all.

“Beyond the Scene, right?” Taeyong asks. He seems just as animated to be discussing the song as Jungkook’s voice fades into Jimin’s.

“God, I love this song. It’s so dreamy,” Jihyo lets out a longing sigh as she slumps against her seat. “Y’know, I’m seeing them this Friday. It’s their first time being back in, like, five months.”

“Dude, I’ve been trying to get tickets to see them for months now!” Taeyong gaps incredulously. “How’d you score them?”

“A friend of a friend knows the guy who plays keys,” Jihyo says. “The cute mysterious one.”

“Yoongi, right?”

“Yeah━”

As the pair dive into a passionate discussion about the boys and their first full-length album released under their recently-signed-to label from Columbia Records, you shift uncomfortably in your seat. Dahyun almost immediately straightens up, eyes flickering from the pair to you and back again. You’re both fortunate she’s there, having known your past with Jungkook, and despise it a little more, wondering what her pitying gaze must mean.

“Hey, Dahyun. Y/N.” Taeyong’s voice grabs your attention now. “What do you think of these guys? Didn’t some of them used to go to this school?”

“Yeah, I had a few classes with their drummer.” Dahyun waves her hand airly, swiftly brushing over the fact that she did far more than have a “few classes” with any of the boys but was also one of their closest friends. “I think they’re great━” She glances sideways at you one more time. “Hey, maybe we should get back to the assignment now━”

“I had a class with their lead guitarist, Jungkook, last year,” Jihyo continues, her excitement getting the best of her as Dahyun’s voice drowns out in the foreground.

“No way!” This dubious exclamation comes from Taeyong.

“I tried talking to him once but he totally blew me off,” Jihyo says. “Which is fine, because he’s still hot. If I had known he was gonna be a famous rockstar, I’d have tried asking him out a second time━”

Suddenly, you feel sick.

It’s odd to hear two strangers discuss Jungkook’s life while you’re seated across from them, as if you’re nothing more than an outsider to whoever Jungkook has become now. But you can’t stand it anymore. You’re certain you look insane to them when you push your seat back abruptly, the metal legs screeching against the floor as you stand.

“Whoa, what’s wrong━?” Taeyong starts to ask but you’re gone before he can finish the question, murmuring a half-hearted excuse about how you forgot you needed to be somewhere.

You’ve rounded on your heel and have fled from the café before anyone can try to stop you, with nothing but Jungkook’s mellifluous voice fading in the distance as he croons aloud for you in a time long since passed.

You don’t care. Besides, you’re sure Dahyun will cover for you.

The worst part of it all? The dreadful realization that sinks into your mind, and into your heart, beckons the question: who’s to say you aren’t a stranger now to Jungkook’s life altogether?

“So, what are you trying to say?”

You remember the moment so clearly despite wanting nothing more than to forget it all, and the pain associated with it. Because even from then you knew you would always be in love with Jungkook, but you couldn’t have him. It’s hard to remember whose fault it is this time that caused the sudden fight, though random little arguments had been a frequent occurrence nearing the end of your one year relationship more often than not. You hate blaming it all on him, because you were certain you were at fault too. Maybe a little bit wary at times, a little selfish, wanting him all to yourself. Even though you knew he has an obligation to the world, it still hurt when he started making promises he couldn’t keep, blowing you off for soundchecks, or spontaneous interviews, or record label meetings. More and more you could feel the both of you drifting apart, maybe without even meaning for it to happen.

It was just that Jungkook was destined for a lifetime of greatness, and you were starting to think that meant without you.

You had stopped him late one night after he had stumbled home from his and the band’s nightly studio sessions as they worked through recording their debut album as a signed band. Lately, it seemed as if that was all that Jungkook cared about, and while you knew the band meant the world to him and you would always support him in his endeavour, you couldn’t help but feel lesser in comparison. That, and you hated seeing the boy overwork himself to the point of near exhaustion every night if only because their label was so adamant about having the album finished before the month ended.

“You want to, what? Break up?” Jungkook asked, this time more incredulously and less dumbfounded as he had initially been. He didn’t believe you just yet, but you couldn’t exactly tell what he was thinking anymore at that point.

“I just figured we could use some time apart,” You had suggested awkwardly. “Just a break.”

He had let out a breathless, disbelieving laugh. “Y/N, this is insane.”

You flinched. You remember having to look away, refusing to meet his suddenly sorrowful look. “Is it, Jungkook? I mean… Look at us. We’re falling apart. It was bound to happen eventually. We tried to make it work but maybe we’re on different paths now.”

“But I love you,” Jungkook gasped, exasperated. “Where is this coming from?”

“And I don’t want to have to tie you down for the rest of your life,” You continued on stubbornly, “or make you think you owe me your whole life just because you said you fell in love with me when you were thirteen━”

This seemed to catch Jungkook’s attention. He grew rigid in front of you, a look of wary agony contorting his face. “Is that what this is then? You don’t love me anymore?”

You didn’t respond immediately, instead the dread of the night seemed to finally catch up with you and you had grimaced. You had loved him even then, but the thought of voicing it aloud when you were supposed to be breaking up with him didn’t feel right. The tears began to swell in your throat and blur your vision. Jungkook must have noticed, because he always seems to spot the small things about you that even you miss. Almost instantly, the sour look on his face softened and his gaze turned helpless, with those big puppy-dog eyes that you’ve always been too fond of. He closed the distance between you at once, warm hands grabbing at your own.

“You do.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. He knew you were still in love with him ━ or maybe he’d just been hopeful. “I know you do. So then why are you breaking up with me?”

He let go of one of your hands to reach up to your face, calloused fingers gentle and soft against your cheek as they brushed away a rogue tear you hadn’t realized had fallen from your lashes. For a moment, you had let yourself get carried away. You leaned into the comforting heat and touch of his palm as he cradled your face.

“Don’t━” You choked out after a moment of silence, hating when your voice splintered into a sob. “Don’t touch me. Please, Jungkook. You’re only going to make this harder.”

His hands sprang away from your face almost at once, as if he had just been burnt by scalding fire. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull you into his arms but he had refrained the urge somehow, miraculously. So, instead, he grit his teeth and clenched his hands into fists as his arms fell limp at his sides.

“Then don’t do this. Don’t walk away,” Jungkook pleaded desperately. “I don’t understand. If you love me still, why are you making this harder for yourself?”

“Because what if that’s all we have in common anymore?” You asked wretchedly. “We care about each other. We always will. But you’re focused on the band, and this is my last year of school. Maybe we just need time to focus on ourselves.”

Jungkook blinked once. Twice. His stare was suddenly devoid of any emotion as he gawked at you, but you could tell that he was hurting. It was there in the fluttering of nerves in his jaw; there, in the way his lips pulled taut into a thin line; there, in the way even you could see his eyes begin to shimmer with wet tears that he unabashedly displays without trying to wipe away.

“So that’s it?” he asked. “After everything we’ve been through. You’re just gonna end it, like that? Y/N, come on━”

His hands had found purchase on your waist, and you had lingered for a moment too long; then, fumbling, he tried to grab delicately at your face, probing you to look at him. But you couldn’t. The moment you met his wounded gaze, you shook your head furiously. You had slithered out of his grasp, slipping through the seams of his fingers just like that.

“I━” You paused. “This isn’t some spur of the moment decision, Jungkook. How can you not see it? I’ve felt so alone these past few months. It’s like you’re here but not entirely. Your mind is always somewhere else, always thinking about the band and never about us.”

“What am I supposed to do?” he had asked hotly. “The band is my everything.”

“And what am I?” You asked. The question only mildly offended you, a shot right to your heart. Because if the band was his everything, what were you in comparison? “A distraction until you get everything you want? I can’t keep being that.”

“No!” he protested. “You’re not a distraction. You’re━” He stopped himself short, brows furrowing. “You can’t keep pinning this all on me. You just don’t trust me, do you? You never did. Always thinking I’m with some other girl when I’m not with you━”

“That’s not true,” You admonished.

“Isn’t it?” Jungkook retaliated.

“I don’t want to hear it,” You had said at once. Your tone was final, a decisive ending to your argument with him. “My mind’s already been made up, Jungkook. I don’t think we should see each other again until we sort all this out ━ or, until you sort out whatever your priorities are.”

Jungkook’s stare had hardened, a frown deeply etching into his face. He had straightened up then, perplexed and upset with your standoffish demeanour, as if thinking this surely meant nothing to you. But little did he know this would become one of the hardest decisions you would have to make.

“Fine,” he said rigidly. “If that’s how it is, then I’m gone. You’ll never have to see me again.”

You hadn’t known at the time just how terribly you had messed up ━ neither had Jungkook. He had left before you could stop him, or before either of you could change your minds. Because nothing’s worse than a broken heart, blinded by stubborn and defensive rage. Accusatory fingers and blaming him or you wouldn’t heal the wounds that had already formed, and ending things seemed to only make it worse, months of lonely heartache without Jungkook to further prove just that…

The last time you spoke to Jungkook, you told him you never wanted to see him again ━ or, at least, that seems to be how he interpreted it.

Now, you were standing in the midst of his domain, surrounded by everyone in his public sphere of friends and colleagues and acquaintances, and there was certainly no way of escaping him.

You were starting to think you’re losing mind, because you’d truly have to be insane to have worked up the nerve to agree to go with Dahyun to a party being held celebrating the band’s recent tremendous success and headlining their first world tour. Their manager, Jin, had personally reached out to you and Dahyun, calling you as a means of asking you to attend, though you had given him a timid and dismissive response at first. If it hadn’t been for Dahyun purposely and almost quite literally dragging you out under the premise that “even if you don’t want to see Jungkook, you at least owe it to the boys to go,” you don’t think you’d even be here. But while you didn’t know where you stood with Jungkook anymore, that didn’t mean you weren’t still proud of him or the rest of the boys. It just became harder to bask in their success with them when you had gone from knowing every detail of their lives, of Jungkook’s life, to knowing only what you could hear from gossiping fans around you, or plastered in tabloids, or all over any form of social media.

The party is held at some sort of fancy lavish restaurant, the entire back room rented out by the band’s record label and management, and is filled with dozens of people you don’t know. Fortunately, you and Dahyun aren’t left alone for very long, as an elated Jin and Jimin, the appointed lead singer, bustle their way through the crowd to you almost as soon as you arrive, leaving very little time for you to feel so awkward that you consider running away again. Jimin, in all his spritely and extravagant blue haired disposition, wastes no time in engulfing you both in a comforting hug as if months hadn’t passed since you’ve last seen them.

“Glad you guys could make it!” Jin smiles from over Jimin’s shoulder.

“It’s been forever,” Jimin affirms.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Dahyun says. “I’m surprised you guys didn’t forget about us, considering you’re big rockstars now.”

“Rockstar is a bit of an overstatement.” An effortlessly charming smirk unfurls on Jimin’s face, which seems to immediately dazzle Dahyun. “Besides, we could never forget you. Hey, come with me to find the guys. I think we could all use some time to catch up━”

He places his hand on the small of Dahyun’s back as he guides her away, leaving you with Jin. A moment of silence passes, in which time you can feel the boy’s eyes lingering on you.

“He knows you’re coming tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jin says carefully, treading over his words lightly. It’s too painfully obvious who he’s talking about, though you’re fortunate he doesn’t bother mentioning Jungkook’s name anyway. “There’s no point in hiding. I think you should talk to him.”

“I━” You trail off uselessly, your voice croaking. Fearing an imminent breakdown, you shake your head. Then, holding your chin a little higher, Jin’s startled to hear you pretend as if he hadn’t said anything. “It really is good to see you guys again. If you’ll excuse me, I think I need a drink.”

And you’re gone once more before he can say anything else. On your lonesome, you find refuge at the bar, though you only order water because you’re certain you won’t be able to stomach anything stronger. You don’t know how long you spend there, blankly staring at a spot on the wall as your mind wanders everywhere and yet nowhere at all until━

“Y/N?”

There it is again. The familiar sound of his voice, only this time it’s much more attainable, closer to your world and not elsewhere so high in the clouds like a hopeful dream. You brace yourself before turning to face him.

This close, Jungkook looks breathtakingly and painfully beautiful.

As always, he’s adorned in all black, the first few buttons of the silky blouse he’s wearing left undone so that it teases the exposed flesh of his collarbones and the rose tattoo that inks his chest, the thorny stems crawling up the side of his neck just below his ear, accompanied by a pair of leather pants. He’s the same as ever. The same imperfect tattoos that decorate his fingers and arms that you’ve always loved, the same ring-clad fingers painted a chipped black, the same hoop accentuating his button nose. His hair is still his natural dark ebony color (something he’s seemed to stick with much more as of late despite dyeing it wild colours throughout his past), only it’s a little longer than you last remembered, and the sides of his head are shaved in the form of an undercut. You’re foolishly surprised to find he still looks the same, but almost a year away from someone can both change nothing and yet everything all at once.

“Jungkook…” You want to say something more, but your words fall short.

It’s hard to tell if he’s angry or upset at seeing you there, but you don’t think he’s either, and you have an inkling of a thought that he purposely sought you out amongst the many faces. Instead, he looks hesitant, apprehensive, as if dreading how you’ll respond to see him. As if you’ll yell at him, push him away. You do neither, fortunately.

Just when the dense silence starts to become almost unbearable, Jungkook clears his throat. “I━ Wow… You look great.”

You blink once, a flustered blush warming your face that you hope he doesn’t notice. “Oh. Thank you. You do, too.”

His eyes flicker over your presence as he nods absentmindedly. Then, he’s offering you a pretty smile, soft and sweet in nature. No malice, or ill-intent. “Um━ How have you been?”

You hate this. You hate the awkward pauses, the prolonged periods of silence. A year ago, even despite knowingly pining for one another, your moments alone with Jungkook were never so terrible. He always found a way to say something cheekily flirtatious even when you were just friends, if only because he knew it would make you blush and giggle because, no matter how many times you would roll your eyes or nudge his sides, he also knew you secretly loved it. All the inside jokes, the milestones shared together, the ardent fleeting touches ━ where did it all go? And while you were both noticeably trying to maintain the peace and pleasantry between one another, it didn’t feel the same. It felt forced, fake. Distracted.

“I’ve been good,” You lie. “How about you? Actually, don’t answer that━” You let out a breathless chuckle. “You’ve clearly been doing amazing. I mean, your album, and your world tour. And tomorrow you’ve got a big day with the hometown show. I heard it sold out in the first ten minutes.”

“Something like that,” Jungkook says modestly. “It’s been kind of crazy. Namjoon says it’s good, but I miss━ I just miss a lot of how it used to be. The slow pace. I dunno. The quick burn up is quick to burn out, right?”

“Maybe,” You admit. “But I think you’ve all got it in you. You’ve worked so hard for this moment. Enjoy it while you’re in it. You deserve it, Jungkook.”

His stare softens as it meets yours. “Thanks.”

Another beat of silence passes. He looks as if he’s warring with himself, as if he’s fighting the urge to say something more, gnawing at his lower lip, brows knitting together.

“Yo, Jeon!” A foreign voice from amongst the crowd beckons aloud abruptly for the boy.

Jungkook glances over his shoulder swiftly in search of the source, then waves his hand as if to motion he’ll be there later. Then, he turns back to you. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I won’t keep you,” You say. “I know you’re busy.”

“But━” He stops himself, his jaw clamping shut. Changing his mind, he decides to ask hopefully, “Will you be at the show tomorrow?”

“Of course.” The affirmation seems to relieve him, even though it’s a spontaneous decision made by you on the spot. Before this moment, you hadn’t been so sure you could go.

“Promise?”

You can’t help but shake your head, a chuckle slipping past your lips at the innocent boyish question he asks. “Yes, Jungkook.”

His smile widens a little more, however sheepish it may be. “Then can you promise me one more thing?”

“What?” You quirk a brow, intrigued to say the least.

“Will you drop by the hotel we’re staying at tomorrow morning, so I can take you out for a coffee? Just to catch up. It’s been a while,” he says timidly. Then, feeling a little stupid for being so bold, scrambles to explain himself. “And no pressure if you don’t want to. I just thought━”

You can’t possibly say no. Not when it comes to Jungkook, all your past struggles seemingly vanishing without a trace. “I’d like that a lot, Jungkook.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Then he’s positively beaming, his self-indulgent grin making your own heart flutter in your chest. When he leaves your side that night, you find yourself looking forward to the future perhaps a little too optimistically. But how terrible could grabbing coffee with your ex be, if you had survived the first wretched encounter?

So, in the morning when you wake, there’s not a stutter in your step or a wavering flicker of your confidence as you make your way to the Four Seasons hotel Jungkook had told you to from the night before. In fact, a selfish part of you almost thinks that maybe things will start to look up. That maybe you and Jungkook can finally make amends. That maybe you never had a reason to fear Jungkook breaking your heart if he made such an effort to heal it.

The hotel itself is one of the most luxurious ones in Seoul, a considerable contrast from when the boys were slumming it on friends’ couches and in their run-down van touring the country. The room Jungkook tells you to meet him at is one of the hotel’s grand suites, located on the higher levels of the building. But as soon as you reach the landing and have begun making your way towards the designated door, it flings open and a pretty girl comes stumbling out. She’s giggling at something that has just happened inside, her hair a dishevelled mess which she ruffles up in an attempt to fix it. She’s adorned in a pretty little dress, the skirt of which is hiked a little higher up and one strap falling down her shoulder, as she clings her shoes and bag to her chest. She smiles at you on the way past, though she’s too far gone in her own little daze that you wonder if she even notices you at all.

But you certainly notice her, and, all at once, your reverie of him and what could be comes crashing to the ground once more.

Maybe you should have stayed, should have waited for Jungkook to let him explain, but you were too afraid to hear an answer you weren’t looking for. You try desperately not to imagine Jungkook loving someone else. You try not to think about him holding her the same way he held you, his lips finding purchase on some other girl. But by trying to avoid the thought, it beckons the unwarranted memories of how it felt to be loved all over by him once upon a time. You wonder how many girls he’s hooked up with in your time apart, and the overwhelming sense of regret washes over you.

You don’t bother to wait. You know fleeing is the easiest option rather than facing your fear, but you’re far too timid of rejection again. Instead, even before you can approach Jungkook’s hotel room and knock on the door, you turn on your heels and run.

You’re long gone by the time Jungkook comes to the door, prying it open in search of you on a whim. When he doesn’t see you, he glances up and down the hallway but to no avail. Namjoon comes slinking past inside then in his own disoriented haze, having just woken up from moments ago when the girl he had taken back to their room the night before left. Even then, Jungkook had warned the rhythm guitarist against bringing the girl back, pointing out the fact that they had much to do today ahead of their concert. Namjoon had promised it wouldn’t be long, that she would be gone in the morning, and Jungkook was fortunate enough that the suite had two separate bedrooms on the opposite ends of one another so that Jungkook didn’t have to hear whatever it was the pair were doing in the other.

“Did Mina leave?” Namjoon asks through a yawn, digging the heels of his palms into his tired eyes. When Jungkook nods, a sliver of a reminiscent smug grin tugs at Namjoon’s lips. “You missed out, Jungkook.”

The cheeky quip is met with a roll of Jungkook’s eyes. “I’m sure I’ll survive. You know I’m not like that.”

Like that━ As in midnight hook-ups and cheap thrills alike. He tried it once, far ago when you had first broken up with him, on a drunken spur of a moment as a way of healing the anguish in his heart. It hadn’t worked then; he assumed it would never work.

Namjoon seems to understand this immediately. He gives Jungkook a look that the boy doesn’t notice. “Well… is Y/N here yet?”

“No. But I’m sure she’ll be here,” Jungkook grimaces. He hopes. “Something probably came up.”

Namjoon clasps a reassuring hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, humming aloud, “Good luck, dude.”

But you never arrive, even though Jungkook waits for most of the morning, nervous eyes flickering to the door at every commotion outside, running to check only to see room service delivering breakfast or concierge showing guests to their rooms. He has no choice but to give up on the thought of you coming when Jin knocks on their door, prompting the boys to get a start on their day. Interviews and soundcheck await, but how could he possibly go on with his life without knowing what happened to you?

Which is why you stay on his mind for the rest of the day, distracting him in every aspect, mixing up his words when he’s in the midst of his interview, tripping up on stage as the boys set up and begin to rehearse. As the hours wane down to just an hour before the show, the thought of performing in front of thousands of fans starts to make him nervous and he doesn’t know why. He’s done this countless times before, almost nightly during the tour, so what stops him now? Of course he knows the answer, had grown all too accustomed to the feeling the first few months in which the break up had been so recent. It would always be about you.

But just before the show starts, Jungkook is making his way backstage from the greenroom, where the band had been waiting, to the stage. Fiddling with his in-ear piece, he almost doesn’t notice you and Dahyun weaving your way through the roadies and sound tech, being guided by Jin to the pit on the side of the stage where only family and friends are allowed. You don’t see him, and there’s a split moment where he thinks he should just let you go, until he doesn’t.

As he makes his way to you, the tour manager for the band intervenes part way, shouting out to the boy. “Where are you going? We’re on in five, Jungkook!”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back━” He waves the manager off as politely as he can, wasting no time to chase after you. He calls out your name, though it drowns out in the sound of the music being blasted through the speakers of the arena and the screaming fans. “Y/N, wait up!”

He’s relieved when he sees you stop in your tracks, turning to face him as Dahyun and Jin become lost in the chaos of the backstage. He comes to stand just before you, smiling breathlessly at you, unaware of the way your shoulders tense at the sight of him.

“You didn’t show up this morning,” he says as a way of greeting, his voice a curious prob. “What happened?”

You try desperately not to get lost in his big beautiful eyes, laced with such hope. Instead, you fold your arms over your chest, looking away. “Something came up.”

It’s then that Jungkook senses something is wrong. You’re upset with him, though he can’t tell why. Aside from the obvious rift in your relationship that had initially split you two up, you had been so pleasant to see him the night before. But he doesn’t give up just yet. “Well… you’re here now.”

You meet his gaze with your own hardened one. “For the boys.”

A shot right to his heart almost makes Jungkook gasp for air. He flinches, and then his stare softens, and you wish he wouldn’t look at you like that, out of fear that you might just relapse into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” He closes the distance between the two of you. He wants nothing more than to reach out and touch you, but refrains with much difficulty. There’s dozens of things that could be wrong, and he braces himself for your retaliation. “You didn’t want to come, did you?”

When you don’t respond, but also don’t stray from his side, Jungkook hurries to speak again if only to fill the tense silence.

“Look, last night… Maybe it was just me, but last night seemed like things were okay,” he says. “Was I wrong to feel that way?”

“Jungkook…”

“Please, just let me know,” he begs. “Because you’re all I can think about these days, it’s driving me crazy. And I don’t know what’s going on, but the reason I wanted to see you this morning was because I hate how things ended between us, and I wanted to tell you…” He swallows nervously as he trails off uncertainly. “I wanted to tell you that I’m still in love with you. And I can’t get you out of my head. These months away from you made me realize that I━”

Suddenly, you’re shaking your head and he knows you don’t believe him. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets saying it, if only because they seem to enliven you. Now, you push yourself away from the boy. “I’m not doing this right now. You’re not doing this right now.”

As if to further your point, the band’s tour manager can be heard calling out frantically for the boy. “Two minutes, Jungkook!”

But Jungkook is hardly paying attention now, instead solely focused on you. “Please, Y/N━”

“No, you don’t get to say that to me,” You admonish hotly. You can’t bite the words back, no matter how hard you try. “You don’t love me. You think you love me, but you don’t.”

His jaw clenches, and his brows furrow into a frustrated stare. “I do.”

“You don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Stop.” The harsh word makes Jungkook clamp his mouth shut. You shake your head furiously, but you know it’s only to distract yourself so that you don’t let the tears fall. “You’re being selfish, Jungkook. You don’t get to take all of me, love all of me, and leave, only to come back months later and pretend you’re still in love with me. And whatever this━” You gesture vaguely between the two of you, “is, or was, doesn’t exist anymore. We both need to stop pretending otherwise.”

Jungkook winces, eyes tinged with pain. “You don’t mean that.”

You don’t respond. Elsewhere, his tour manager starts to grow impatient, scolding the boy aloud, “Jungkook, we’re gonna be late. Hurry up!”

“Yeah, I’ll be there!” Jungkook calls back, irritated. Maybe he is being selfish. He’s wasting precious time by not leaving, all the hard work that the crew put into tonight’s show, and the fans awaiting his and the band’s arrival. He can still hear the crowd, this time their buzzing voices amalgamating into unanimous chanting muffled by the walls that sounds akin to the band’s name.

“You should go,” You say now. “Don’t wanna disappoint them.”

But he’d throw it all away for you if you told him to. He promised you that even before he had left for tour, before the band had been signed. Had you forgotten? Because he surely hadn’t.

“Y/N…”

“Good luck out there.”

Then, you’re gone before Jungkook can even make a move to stop you ━ but even if he did, what could he do to make you stay? The feat seemed impossible, and you always seem to find a way to slip from his grasp no matter what he does. Only this time he has no choice but to let you go, out of fear of being berated further by his tour manager or angering the boys so much to the point where he gets kicked out of the band.

He makes it on stage in time, the band filing out to take their places one at a time, deafening screams blowing out their in-ear pieces that stand no chance as each member joins the stage. The lights fizzle out until complete darkness cloaks the venue, but Jungkook still looks for you. He finds you in the pit on the side of the stage, Jin and Dahyun standing beside you, and finds it hard to keep his eyes off of you even though you attempt to pretend as if he’s not even there.

After their first adrenaline-filled opening song of the night, Jimin takes to the microphone to greet the crowd who scream back an indiscernible shout as, elsewhere, you notice Jungkook pry himself away from the microphone stand on his side of the stage to wave the rest of the boys over to Hoseok’s drum kit. They murmur amongst themselves briefly, though they go unnoticed by Jimin or the crowd as the lead singer entertains them.

“Seoul! It’s good to be back. We’ve missed you all so much━”

Jimin’s words get cut short when Jungkook, having just parted ways with the rest of his members for their impromptu meeting, beckons the lead singer over, out of range of the microphone. They seem to discuss something just as shortly as Jungkook had talked with the rest of the boys, in which time Jimin nods understandingly, then steps away from the microphone. Then, Jungkook takes to the microphone, the rings on his fingers glistening under the spotlight as he grips the stand.

“I know the night’s only getting started,” Jungkook’s voice wavers as he speaks, “but we’re gonna slow things down for a moment. We hope you don’t mind.”

Intrigued murmurs echo around the crowd, suddenly buzzing with excitement as they watch Jungkook with eager eyes. A few encouraging bellows has Jungkook smiling smally. Jin, on the other hand, looks perplexed.

“What is he doing?” Jin asks no one in particular, a quizzical look on his face. “This isn’t part of their set.”

“I think a lot of you might know this next song,” Jungkook continues, “but I don’t think I’ve ever expressed how much it means to me. This next one, I wrote for a special someone, and it sort of helped us achieve all of this. So, I think it’s time that person knows how much they mean to me.”

Jungkook glances nervously over at the boys standing behind him, each in their own respective spots. Then, sweeping his gaze across the crowd, he finally finds you already staring up at him. His own eyes soften into a look of longing, however hardened by past tribulations and sorrow it may be. As if he’s determined not to lose you again; determined to make it up to you.

“This next one is for Y/N,” he says timidly. He has to turn away from you in the next second, afraid he might just break down before the fans and the boys and you. “I’m sorry I messed up.”

As the boys take their place, with Jimin taking an acoustic and fading back from the limelight, you wonder why. But then you hear it, the familiar beginning chords making up the song you had so wholeheartedly claimed you hated. Only this time they’re gentler, made up of acoustic strums of a guitar, Hoseok’s drums, and Yoongi’s keys, all amalgamating into a pretty song almost unrecognizable.

Then, Jungkook starts singing, and what was once a wistful dreamy song of prospective lovers suddenly turns into a melancholic requiem for you. Some lyrics are changed, present tense turning to the past, and Jungkook sings his way throughout the entirety of the song in contrast to the one that plays all over the radio featuring the other member’s voices. The fans sing along, their voices melding with Jungkook’s into some sort of celestial mellifluous choir, and you’re left no longer wondering if the fans would ever know the meaning behind the song that Jungkook had brought to life. Because now, it wasn’t just Jungkook singing to you; it was the whole world. And yet, paradoxically at the same time, it felt all that much more intimate. As if it were just you and him once again, seated on the couch in his small apartment, listening to the beginnings of what would be their number one selling song.

Above all else, you realize that you don’t seem to hate the song as much you claimed to.

That night, you can’t sleep.

You find yourself leaving the venue earlier than everyone else, even when the boys invite you and Dahyun to join them for celebratory drinks, returning to your home in the hopes of forgetting the night altogether. Instead, you stay up tossing and turning, your mind filled with memories consisting of only Jungkook and his haunting voice singing to you, and for you. But at some point during the night nearing one or two in the morning, just when you give up on the idea of sleep, the sound of incessant knocking at your front door rouses you from your trance.

When you finally answer the door, you’re more than surprised to see that Jungkook stands on the other side of the threshold as if coming to you from a dream. But then you register the fact that he’s a complete mess. Dark circles line his weary eyes, now smudged with that faint hint of charcoal liner he had worn for the concert, hair so messily mused beyond repair, and you notice quickly that he’s crying, fresh tears glazing over his pupils and streaking down his face. It’s startling to see him in such shambles, a complete contrast to how effortlessly charming and confident he usually portrays himself. But though you’ve seen him cry before on various occasions, now is all the more unsettling.

“I━I’m sorry.” It’s the first thing he says, screwing his eyes shut tightly as he shakes his head. He fumbles over his words, slurring them together in his rush to get them out. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but I needed to see you.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No, no, I swear━” He pries his eyes open to meet your desolate stare, tears unabashedly falling from his lashes. His voice thins with desperation. “You said we need to stop pretending, but I’m not pretending. I never have been. And if you think ━ if you truly believe ━ that there’s nothing here between us anymore… Tell me. Right here, right now. And I’ll leave you alone forever, you’ll never have to see me again. I just━ I’ve missed you every moment and it kills me.”

You’re silent for a long period, pitying gaze sweeping over him, but he doesn’t care if he looks insane. He just needs you to know how he feels.

“Well, how do you think I felt?” You ask the question carefully, but then the memories come flooding back and the semblance of a scowl forms on your face. “You leave and suddenly everywhere I look I see you. Your song is playing everywhere, you and the guys are everywhere, and I’m reminded every day about how we ended. About how you left me.”

Jungkook blinks. He shakes his head stubbornly, the nerves in the corner of his jaw fluttering as he grits his teeth. “You were the one who said we should take a break.”

“A break!” You snap sternly. “Fuck, Jungkook. I didn’t want you out of my life forever. I wanted you to fight for me.”

“No, don’t put this all on me,” Jungkook pleads helplessly. “I have always fought for you. But the minute things got rough, you bailed. You told me you never wanted to see me again. What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“I was scared!” You try to swallow the tears away that start to form as a lump in your throat but to no avail. “I was, and I still am, so fucking scared of losing you. And you━ It felt like you gave me no choice. Like you were over it. I would have wanted to make things work but you left. You just… You left, and suddenly it was like you were never in my life at all. Seven months, and I get no word from you.”

“I fucked up, okay!” He cries out so suddenly, it silences you at once. He bites at his lip, and straightens up half-heartedly, running a hand through his hair. When he meets your stare this time, he’s zealous yet sincere. “I know that I messed up. I know. And it fucking kills me every single day. I don’t know where it went wrong, but it did, and I know it’s all my fault. When you said we should take a break and I agreed, I was only thinking about you. Because I knew I was disappointing you every day, and I was afraid that was all I would ever do, and you don’t deserve that. I thought it would be better this way, if I was just gone from your life for good. But I can’t forget you.”

“How can I trust you?” You ask. When his pained stare gawks at you, you tilt your chin a little higher. “I came by your hotel room yesterday morning, just like you asked, only to see that girl leaving.”

Jungkook’s gawk turns into a dumbfounded expression. He looks weary as he shakes his head, as if struggling to keep up with the way you accuse him now. He tries not to focus on the fact that you actually came to the hotel, then feels inconsolably terrible when he realizes why he never got to see you. “That girl was Namjoon’s fling. We were sharing the suite, and they were in a whole other room. I didn’t even think about her━”

Your stare droops from him, and he knows he’s struggling to keep you on his side.

“Okay, fine. You want trust? I’ll give it to you,” he says. A newfound sense of confidence seems to possess him, though he approaches the topic with extra caution anyway. “After we broke up, I was crushed. I couldn’t move on from you, and the guys thought I should get drunk, find a random girl to bring back to our hotel one night on tour. And I listened, because I wanted to forget you, but it didn’t work. All I could think about was you. Every time she touched me, every time she kissed me, I could only imagine it was you. And when she left that night, I broke down because I felt like such a fucking idiot. I instantly regretted it. Like, even though you and I weren’t together, I still did something to hurt you by sleeping with that girl. And all it did was hurt me too in the process.”

He pushes himself forward, taking a step over the threshold. Even despite him admitting his wrongs to you, you can’t find it in yourself to hate him. Because, at the end of it all, he’s here at your doorstep, pleading for you to forgive him, but he had already won the moment your eyes had landed on him.

“You’re the reason I am who I am today.” His voice is hoarse when he speaks, almost in a whisper. “That I get to do what I love for a living. But all of it means nothing without you. You saw me at my worst, and my best. And you were the best I ever had, and I ruined it, and the worst part of it all is that there’s nothing I can do to make up for it. But I promise I can make it better ━ I can make it right again ━ if you just give me a chance.”

There’s a short pause filled with poignant silence in which Jungkook thinks you’ll push him away or scream at him. He’s fortunate when you do neither; instead, he hears you whisper faintly.

“Kiss me, Jungkook.”

And it’s more than enough for him. His heart thrums in delight as he wastes no time in reaching out for you. His hands are warm as they come to grasp at your face, holding you delicately; then he’s leaning in to you, drawing you closer and closer until his lips are pressed against yours. It’s unadulterated, but not without feverish passion, noses smushing together in both your eager hastiness to close the distance between the two of you. It doesn’t last long either, though that’s partly because Jungkook can taste your tears mingling on your lips, and can feel your faint smile form against his mouth. Kissing him feels both foreign yet familiar at the same time. You know the feel, the taste, and the sense of comfort that comes with it, but months apart from one another has left it feeling different.

Jungkook’s thumb wipes away at the tears on your face. “Why are you crying?”

It’s a useless question, he knows, but he needs something to fill the silence. He’s relieved when he hears you snicker. “Because I miss you, you idiot. And I’m sorry I’ve been acting like such an idiot. I’ve messed everything up.”

His own shoulders quiver with contented mirth. “It’ll be okay.” As he leans in once more for another kiss, you can feel him murmur against your mouth, “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“Then make it right,” You say, “right here and now.”

“I’ll do anything for you,” he promises earnestly.

Jungkook understands the underlying yearning in your voice even without having you explain yourself. He knows, if only because he can feel it too. As his hands fall to your waist, fingers digging into your skin, your own arms wrap around his neck and pull him into your apartment. He has you pressed up against the nearest wall within seconds, kissing at your throat, then up to your jawline.

“It’s been so long,” he sighs.

You hum in agreement, though your mind is already spinning, and all you can muster is a weak yet urgent croak of his name. “Jungkook.”

Your fingers thread through his hair, tugging at the roots and he croons with delight. His lips finally meet yours again, only this time he lets his tongue lav at your lower lip. Almost as soon as he does so, you notice something strange. It takes a moment for you to register the small metallic object that grazes your lower lip but when you do, you pull away from the boy.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks in a confused dazed.

“Is that…” You rasp. “Did you get your tongue pierced?”

Suddenly, Jungkook is smirking, one brow shooting up to his hairline in a smug demeanour. He sticks out his tongue for you to see the silver ball poking through and you almost moan at the sight of it as the thought entices you.

“Oh.” Your face warms with a flustered blush. “That’s new.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Always wanted to get it done. Guess I was saving it for the right moment.”

“Right moment, huh?” You scoff as if the implications don’t already have your thighs rubbing together. “Care to explain?”

“I think you’ll find out soon enough.”

You dissolve into a fit of giggles, marvelling at the way Jungkook’s familiar flirtatious bantering can soothe your troubled heart at once. It’s almost as if time hasn’t lapsed between the two of you.

“I’ve missed this,” You sigh. “I’ve missed you, Jungkook.”

You spot him smiling before he’s kissing you again, this time his tongue slipping past your parted lips to meet yours midway. The piercing is strange to adjust to, but you get used to it quickly, humming at the feeling of it against the soft flesh of your tongue. It’s easy to get lost in one another’s lips as you pull and tug at Jungkook, guiding him to your bedroom, nearly tripping and stumbling over one another in the process. He knows the path like the back of his hand, the same way he knows every curve and dimple of your body as his greedy hands explore you. He has you sprawled out beneath him on the bed in a matter of seconds, carelessly shedding each other of your clothes until you’re left naked and he’s without a shirt.

As he’s tugging off the hoodie you’re wearing, he realizes two things abruptly. One: you’re not wearing anything beneath it, your bare body dazzling him at once. And, two: a sudden thought jogs his memory that makes him ponder aloud, “Is this my sweater?”

“Yes,” You admit sheepishly.

He smirks. “Was wondering where it went.”

“You forgot to take it back when…” You don’t finish your sentence. Instead, you tug your fingers at the hair at the nape of his neck, as if scared he’ll leave again. He doesn’t. Instead, he nestles his body between your legs, tonguing patterns on your neck. “I wear it sometimes, especially when I’m missing you. I don’t know… It just━ It still smells like you, even after all this time.”

Jungkook’s heart nearly implodes. He wonders briefly if he’d prefer fucking you without or with the hoodie; but then he’s letting himself time to study your naked body and he deduces he needs to gaze at you in your entirety a little longer.

“Keep talking,” he murmurs. He starts kissing down your body now, starting from your throat to your collarbones, between the valley of your breasts, then your navel. “Tell me more. How badly did you miss me?”

“So badly,” You whimper. Your legs instinctively part to make way for him as he shifts downward, kissing just above your core. A shudder runs down your spine when he kisses the inside of your thigh. “Sometimes I’d put your sweater on and touch myself to the thought of you.”

He grunts against you, teeth softly biting at your flesh. His tongue pokes against your thigh, the metallic piercing a dully cold sensation as he licks upward to your core. He laps at your folds, as if to taste the glistening cum that starts to form.

Your breath audibly hitches in your throat, hips jutting forward to meet his mouth. “I missed your hands, and the way they made me feel. Missed your mouth between my legs. Missed cumming on your tongue, or your fingers.”

Now, you’re starting to understand what he meant by waiting for the right moment to use the piercing to its fullest potential. As he lifts his head higher to tongue at your clit, the piercing makes your head spin. The contrast between his soft tongue and the harsh metal works wonders against you, rubbing you just the right way that has you a moaning mess beneath him within a matter of seconds.

“Fuck━” You cry out, hands twisting in his hair. “My hands never feel the same. You always made me feel so good, Jungkook.”

He hums something in response, the sound reverberating up your spine. He busies himself by replacing his tongue with his finger, rubbing small, controlled circles against your clit as he lowers his mouth to your folds. He teases the piercing against the sensitive flesh before lapping at your insides, burrowing further into you.

“Ooh, Jungkook━”

The noise that eclipses your throat is a piqued sob of delight. The piercing that scratches against your walls has your insides throbbing, body twisting and turning beneath him. You grab at your breasts, fingers pinching at the perked buds as you imagine Jungkook’s hands in replace of yours.

His mouth wraps just right around you and he sucks hard, earning a beautiful moan from you. It doesn’t take long for you to draw closer to your high, sputtering and whimpering at every action he does. Soon he’s burrowing his face even closer against your core, nose nudging against your clit in a way that makes you writhe and squirm. Before he can get carried away (and he certainly could), Jungkook decides to come to a stop which seems to thoroughly surprise and upset you. When you feel his missing warmth between your legs and the sticky wet mess accentuated further by the cool air that hits you, you pout like a child.

“That’s not fair,” you whine.

“Sorry, baby. Need to feel you.” He pulls away from you and crawls over your body once more. He kisses your lips, sloppy and heated, and lets you taste your own succulence on your tongue. “God, I need to feel you so bad.”

You’re just as much startled as you were seconds ago to hear the slight whine in his voice, a sound hot enough to almost push you over the edge.

“I’ve missed you too, just so you know,” he moans, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. Your fingers continue to scratch delicately at his scalp and he simpers delightfully against you. He ruts his hips eagerly against yours, the bulge in his pants rough against your core. “So fucking much.”

“How much?” Now it’s your turn to ask, your curiosity getting the best of you once you find your voice.

“Every day,” he sighs as he continues to grind his hips into yours. “Get so hard at the thought of you. Your pretty mouth moaning my name. Your hands in my hair, just like this━” You pull a little tighter at the roots of his locks, and he has to stifle his contented moan. “And your body━ Fuck, your body. You take my dick so well, baby.”

“Jungkook,” You mewl impatiently. “Wanna feel you in me.”

“Fuck, okay. Okay━”

He hastens to rid himself of his pants and you help, arms momentarily tangling with one another in your rush. Then he’s kneeling before you, one hand planted firmly on your hip, rings digging roughly against your skin, as his other hand wraps a fist around his hard length, slowly pumping himself. He guides the tip of his leaking cock to your core and pushes himself forward carefully. He easily slips past your folds, coaxed by your slick walls, that he has to pause to give you both time to adjust to the feeling. It’s just as he remembered, though somehow better, and he isn’t so sure how long he’ll last. You don’t know either, marvelling in the way he stretches you open.

“Oh, shit,” he grunts.

He watches as your jaw drops open in a silent gap, your eyes fixed only on his. You grab at his hips, fingers scratching delicately over the laurel tattoos inked there, prompting him to move. He does so in one languid movement, burying deeper and deeper into you until you feel so full and he feels so warm. He fucks into you a little sluggish at first, taking his time and enjoying the way your clenching walls feel around his throbbing cock. It’s a pace so maddening that it soon has the both of you panting, heavy moans filling the space around you. Your own fingers dig into his shoulders, his back, his hips ━ anything to keep a hold on reality as you slowly lose yourself to the pleasure. He reaches for one of your hands, eager to feel you in more ways than one, and laces his digits with yours, pressing your clasped palms above your head. You squeeze tightly, his name falling from your lips in a cry.

“Doing so good,” he mumbles through gritted teeth. “Feel so nice, baby.”

Jungkook grasps at your hips and flips the two of you over. He lands on his back on the soft mattress and you fumble to not break the pace. Firmly planting your hands on his chest, you grind against him, sweat coating your forehead. He watches you with a dark fascination, brows screwed together and jaw clenched as your own cum starts leaking down his length. Not wanting to waste another moment without being beside you, he sits up and shifts you in his lap. Then he pulls you close to him, chest pulled flush against chest to the point where he can feel the rapid beat of your heart against his. You whimper aloud, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck as he guides your hips back and forth on him. There’s little to no space between your gyrating bodies, sweaty skin sticking to one another.

At some point, Jungkook notices you’re crying again, steady tears tangling in your lashes and wetting your face. Despite the way you’re driving him to near euphoria, he brushes your hair out of your face and manages to ask, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m sorry━ fuck,” You gasp. He can tell you’re genuinely sympathetic for whatever’s making you cry but it’s hard for you to convey it properly when you’re still so consumed by him. “I’m so sorry━ I’m okay. I just━ You feel so good, Jungkook.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers, rubbing tender circles against your waist that contrasts with the fierce burn between your legs. “You’re okay, baby. Doing so well for me, aren’t you? Cum for me, yeah?”

You won’t tell him why you’re crying ━ not yet, at least. But Jungkook thinks he knows why; he can feel it too. The bitter sense of longing and mingling regret for all the time lost. The overwhelming feeling of love of finally being reunited. You continue to roll your hips against his, and he, breathless, rubs his nose faintly against yours, resting his forehead against yours.

It doesn’t take much longer after that for you to come tumbling to you high. He strokes your hair so lovingly as you ride him recklessly, leisure rolls of your hips driving you to your high. When you cum, the feeling completely washes over you and electricity crackles in your veins, warming your entire body. He holds you close to his chest the entire time as you writhe with pleasure, your walls clenching around his cock.

“Fuck, I’m gonna━” His voice splinters off as you busy yourself by sucking a bruise onto the underside of his jaw.

He reaches his high moments later just as you’re beginning to wince at the feeling of oversensitivity. He grunts and groans, spilling his hot seed into you, and then, with his hips slammed against yours, grinds leisurely to ride out your highs.

Then, the room falls silent.

Neither of you move from your warm embrace, with you still perched on his lap, his cock softening inside you as his cum runs down his length and onto your thighs. Your face is hidden in the crook of his neck, and he waits until you’ve both calmed down from your orgasms. You’re running your fingers through his sweaty hair, but he knows you’re still sad. He kisses you all over in the meantime, a few ticklish kisses that make you smile sleepily and a few loving ones that have your heart swelling. Then, he gingerly shifts your head to look at him.

“Why were you crying?” he asks silently.

It takes you a moment to respond. You cling to him tightly when you do and all he can do is cradle you closer to him. “I don’t want this to be some kind of drunken one night stand thing. Like we both needed one last fuck to get over each other, or something."

“You mean more to me than a one night stand,” Jungkook says and it makes you smile smally, a little timidly.

“That’s good,” You say, “because I’m not over you or us. I want us to work out. I love you too much to lose you again, and I’m scared this might be the last time I’ll ever see you.”

“I’m not letting that happen,” Jungkook shakes his head furiously. “I’d be an absolute idiot to let that happen. You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere this time. You’re my priority, Y/N. You always have been. Not the band and definitely not the record label.”

“I’m sure the boys will love to hear that,” You snort to yourself.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’ll understand,” Jungkook grins. But you’re only joking, and you know he sort of is too. That’s not to say the band isn’t still important to him, but you take precedent over it. “Without you, I wouldn’t even have the chance to be where I am now.”

You nuzzle your nose against his own, and he steals one sweet kiss from you.

“Do you really mean all that?”

“With my whole heart.”

And, when he says it, you know he means it. There’s no reason not to trust him.

You’ll both move eventually from one another’s arms, soft touches from Jungkook peeling you off of him and wrapping you in your covers before falling asleep beside you, and waking up in the morning with you in his arms. But, for now, it’s just you and him, a little broken still yet all the more in love.

While you both know healing a broken heart will take time, you’re both prepared for it because you’re both worth it to one another ━ and that’s all either of you really need in the end to make it right.

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

6K notes · View notes

eremiie · 3 years

Text

gone for too long;

❥ in which you’ve been gone way too long for eren’s liking.

❥ 2.8k words | nsfw | modern au

❥ content: phone sex, dirty talk, mutual masturbation, i think that’s it

eren rolled over on his navy sheets. he was tired of switching back and forth between the same three apps, constantly checking for new notifications besides the ones from his group chat that kept blowing his phone up.

he missed his girlfriend. he missed your presence being next to him when he woke up and he missed cuddling into you on early mornings. the only company he had now was the dim light being let in through his sheer curtains.

he went to his camera roll and clicked on his photo album of you, scrolling through numerous times; like when the two of you had went to the movies together, he remembered the aftermath, the two of you getting riled up in a taxi and you forced him to tip the driver extra. he also remembered the plethora of dirty photos you'd send to him when he would ask, of course this wasn't a normal occurrence but definitely when the two of you were feeling it.

he contemplated calling your phone despite knowing you were away for a trip with some of your closest friends but he didn't want to bother you, yet his own issue was getting the best of him, the constant tossing and turning, the constant adjusting his sweats, and the constant aching pain he wanted to relieve so bad.

i mean, your contact was right there. he was scrolling through your messages a variety of text messages and share photos sent back and forth, the last time the two of you texted being the day you left for the trip and he wouldn't stop blowing your phone up with how much he missed you; the days after that he resorted to calling you instead.

maybe he should text you first?

okay, okay, he'll text you first, and if you're not busy then he'll call you; if you can't talk then he'll try to handle his own.

10:34pm

Baby you up?

yeah ofc, i’m on a trip

I miss you☹️

imyt bby, wyd?

Like i miss you

bye

eren chuckles at your response, a smile on his face forming at the response time of your texts.

10:37pm

Ok no fr, can we ft, wanna see your pretty face

u sure it’s just my pretty face you wanna see?

Nah

Now answer baby

eren couldn't help but smile to himself as he clicked your contact name, the facetime call ringing one, two, then three times before you picked up, your voice after so long sounding like a melody to his ears.

"hello?" your voice came through the line and from where you were sitting on the couch, pieck's legs sitting comfortably on your lap and the heads of sasha and historia whipping towards you, ymir not caring enough to look up from historia's phone.

"hey baby, how are you?" eren asked, his face not in the camera while his hand sliding left to right on his lower abdomen as he spoke to you.

your eyes flickered to your friends, a sly grin on historia's face at the sound of eren's low voice on the other end of the line.

you and your friends decided that it would be nice to go on a small trip, residing in an air bnb while you all traveled together. it was hard to convince eren to let you go, him saying that "he'll miss you," and "you'll be gone for too long", but when you told him you'd keep in contact with him everyday he reluctantly let you go, of course with a pout. you wouldn't be back for a couple more days as you had a couple more places to sightsee with the girls.

"i'm good, how are you?"

"i'm fine... i just miss you..." eren mumbled, adjusting himself in his position, bringing his hand up to his chest then back down to his stomach, feeling the ripples of his abs from under his palm.

sasha threw her head back and huffed a breath. "i wish connie call me like that!" she turned over to her stomach from on the couch and grabbed her phone, you, pieck and historia chuckling.

"i miss you too, i'll be back soon though."

"but baby soon is not soon enough, i want you here with me." he pouted, his hand smoothing down to his crotch while he stared at you, you looking down at the camera. "i want you beside me, 'm tired of going to sleep by myself."

you pressed the volume down on your phone a couple times. when pieck opened her eyes, her dark irises shifted towards you with a raise of her eyebrow. she could read your mind; her legs sliding off your lap more towards her body, and her eyes closing again. "go on." she smiled.

you shook your head after her trying to hide your mere embarrassment before getting up from the couch with a soft "eren!" to warn her that you were in front of your friends. "i'll be back guys..." you made your way towards the staircase of the rented house while eren continued to talk to you.

"what? i'm so serious babe. it's been so long, i just want to feel you against me." he whined. at some point his hand made its way into his sweatpants, him now palming himself over his black boxers. "where are you?"

you opened the door to the room you share with pieck and sasha, getting on your bed and turning over to face eren, half of his face finally in the camera. you could tell he hadn't woken up too long ago, almost all of his hair falling out of his ponytail, frizzy pieces framing his face and around his head like a halo, although it was kind of hard to see with how dark it was in his room. "well now i'm in the room i'm sleeping in... the owners had two rooms so i took one with pieck since she's pretty quiet, but since there isn't three rooms sasha sleeps here too, she didn't mind making a makeshift bed, plus the owners apologized. ymir forced us to all share a room anyways because she wanted the other room alone with historia."

"yeah? well it sounds like y'all are still having fun anyways since you haven't been calling me."

"eren, we just talked yesterday."

"yeah, because i called you. you didn't call me."

"same thing." you huffed, turning to your back and resting the bottom of the phone on your chest, an angle that made eren laugh. "what are you doing?" you asked him, while your eyes darted around the room to study it since you never really got a chance to, being out and about everyday you've been here.

"thinking about you."

you felt your cheeks heat up, and held back your smile, rolling your eyes instead. "hm, i told you i'm co—"

"thinking about how i want you next to me, so i can feel you against me."

"eren, stop," you moved your face out the camera, of course the butterflies in your stomach decided to start flapping around.

"i'm not kidding baby, i was just going through my photos, that's how much i miss you... and i saw some of the photos you used to send me... how come you don't send me nothing no more?" he taunted you, and you didn't even know his hands were halfway down his pants as he spoke to you so enticingly.

"you know why. how did armin end up seeing my nudes?" you furrowed your eyebrows and turned the phone back to your face with a jokingly angry expression causing eren to burst out laughing.

"i told you i was sorry, it was an accident! historia saw my dick print that one time."

"that's because you sent it to me when she was using my phone, nobody asked you to send those to me while i was out with my friends."

"you're always out with your friends and never with me."

"you're such a baby."

"but i'm your baby, and your baby wants you right now."

you were at lost for words, your voice croaking when you tried to come up with something to say, but eren didn't mind, after a moment of comfortable silence he continued to carry the conversation for you.

"wanna feel that pretty body, i wanna kiss you and hold you," a faint noise was eliciting from the other side of the line, small constant sounds of fabric being ruffled almost— and alongside it, eren's soft panting. "the things i want to do to you, baby... i wanna fuck you so bad right now."

eren's hand was wrapped around himself, stroking up and down in a rhythm that you could hear from where you were thanks to the facetime call you were on. "eren—"

"that's one reason i miss you so much... i been fucking my fist to that pretty face almost everyday..."

you turned over to your side letting the phone rest beside you as you listened to eren through the phone. "yeah?"

"yeah, 'm doing it right now, that's how much i miss that pretty pussy."

somehow you found your own hand trailing down to your underwear, pulling the fabric aside and basking in eren's deep voice and praise. you didn't even realize the soft moan you made until eren's voice came in on the other line.

"you're touching yourself too? touching yourself to me?"

his voice— it was so low and grumbly, just like he had only just woken up, the way he spoke working you up. "mhm," you responded, and when he didn’t continue you took his silence as a way of him telling you to 'proceed', letting your fingers brush over your clit.

"i bet you miss me just as much then... miss the way i bend you over..." eren groaned at his own words, his hand tightening around his cock. his sweatpants and boxer were shoved down around his thighs, only enough so that he would be able to pump himself while laying on his back. "miss the way i fuck you so nice, right?"

"yeah.." you mumbled, you didn't really want to be in the position you were when your friends were sitting just downstairs but you couldn't help it, eren just had a natural charm to him that had you doing whatever he wanted you to.

"fuck, baby, if you were here right now i'd have you screaming like you always do—" you let out a low whimper at the thought, he wasn't lying, he did usually have you screaming and crying during your sexual endeavors, he was just that good once the two of you had learned what each other liked and disliked. "bouncing on my dick like that... you wouldn't even be able to touch yourself like you are right now if i was there..." you clenched at this because once again, he was right, he loved edging you, it's was something about the way you would cry and beg for him to let you come that turned him on so much. "fuck, i miss you."

you let a finger enter into you, and you tried to hold back your moans, your mouth agape at the feelings and you could only imagine it was eren's fingers instead. "i, i miss you too." and the noises, the squelching noises just had to be transferred over the call as well, eren letting out a low chuckle when he heard them.

"you're dirty..." he laughed, thumb slipping over his tip to collect his precum and smooth it down his length. "if you're gonna finger yourself show me,"

you squeezed your legs around you and turned onto your back. "eren..."

"let me see."

he moved his face into the camera, head now against his headboard and him still pumping himself while he watched you adjust his view so that the camera was flipped. at first, it was quite shaky while you pulled off your own sweatpants and underwear, putting them off to the side and then making sure the camera wasn't too shaky for eren. "yeah, right there, now put them back inside, put on a show for me, ______."

he was doing something to you, and it wasn't fair. you slipped your fingers back inside of yourself as he asked and let out a drawled out moan, eren's mouth dropping open much like yours earlier, head tilting back against the headboard as he lifted his hips up to meet his hand. "fuck— you wish that was me fucking you instead?"

you let out another whimper, your eyebrows furrowing and your eyes closing at his words; you weren't even sure if the camera was positioned properly anymore but eren wasn't complaining so you could only assume so. "uh huh,"

"look, baby." you opened your eyes again and looked at the phone. the camera was no longer on eren's face, it was now on his dick, his hand wrapped tightly around it moving up and down slowly. "can you see it?" and you could, albeit the dimness of the room, there was just enough light to see his movements. "you want this inside you?"

you nodded your head only to realize he wouldn't be able to hear you and instead let out a small "yeah", adding another finger into yourself and biting your lip to keep from moaning out while watching eren get himself off at you doing the same, you completely dismissed the words 'eren jaeger💍 took a facetime photo.' when they popped up on your screen, you were to amped up, but you knew you'd be complaining later.

"god, you're so beautiful, i can't— 'mma come." he whined, hips once again jutting into his hand. he was getting sweaty, feeling how close he was, his skin shiny with a thin sheen of perspiration, hair tie touching his neck as his ponytail was almost completely loose. his eyebrows were knit together and his complexion was flushed, with the phone in front of him to give you a good view while he stared down at it to watch you. "i want you to come first, make yourself come first for me."

your eyes fluttered, and you used your thumb to rub your clit while you let your fingers glide in and out of you, the wet noises making eren jerk off faster, a choked noise leaving his throat as he tried to hold back. "c'mon baby, just act like that's me, that's me fucking you so well," and he didn't even have to go on, your orgasm washing over you at eren's words and the stimulation, your fingers pulling out of you and your knees coming together while your face twisted in pure pleasure, the sound of eren unfolding on the other line as well.

"______!" he moaned, letting his cum spill all over his hand, and oh, what a sight. "fuck... did you like that?"

you flipped the camera back, placing it on the bed and using your one hand that was holding the phone to pull both your underwear and sweatpants back on. "i guess," you murmured once you had your bottoms on again. "i'll be right back."

"yeah, me too."

both you and eren left to clean yourself up and wash your hands, you coming back to eren being back first. "so when are you coming back again?" he asks, now his face once again fully in the camera laying on his stomach, clutching his pillow.

you held back a small laugh at his boyish grin when he looked at you, clear content in his eyes, the light from the phone illuminating his features. "two more days, i'll see you soon, eren."

"that's too long. can we do this again if i start missing you again?"

"no, this was a one time thing, i'm hanging out with my friends!" eren pouted at you and squeezed his pillow a little more then leaning forward and kissing the phone making you grimace at him and start laughing. "you're so weird."

"shut up and go hang out with your friends."

you and eren finally hung up the phone after a mantra of 'i love you' from both ends, you finally heading back downstairs.

"well that took forever." historia said, her eyebrows raised at you when you strut back in the living room.

"yeah cause she was probably phone fucking her boyfriend." ymir joked, but it caught you off guard because, she wasn't wrong.

"i wasn't!" you retorted quicker than you meant to, historia and sasha laughing.

"i took a nap while you were up there... that’s how long you took! we have to get ready, we're leaving to go out to eat at four pm." pieck yawned, stretching out her arms and legs and moving them from where she stretched them into your previous spot.

"okay, well then i'm gonna go back upstairs to get ready." you replied, turning back around to head back upstairs.

"don't waste anymore of our time being on the phone with jaeger boy." ymir scoffed as she watched you go up the stairs, historia hitting her shoulder from beside her.

"i won't!" you smiled to yourself, as you made your trek back up the stair, of course you wouldn't take any longer than you needed to getting ready, but you definitely wouldn't waste anytime getting back to eren once you made it back home.

#eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren yeager smut #eren aot #eren smut #eren jaeger smut #attack on titan

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tyongxnct · 3 years

Text

𝐅𝐔 - 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐒𝐮𝐡

pairing: Johnny x reader

summary: You wanted to be all alone with your boyfriend on New Year’s Eve, but after a heavy fight, he left you before the clock struck midnight. You were all alone the whole night while he was with another woman. The woman he told you not to worry about. One day, after forgiving him for leaving you alone, you find out that she was texting him, that he cheated and you breakup. But breaking up with the love of your life was hard and you couldn’t stop yourself from loving him.

song: FU - Miley Cyrus

genre: established relationship, angst, smut

warnings: smut, cheating, swearing, alcohol consumption

word count: 5.7k

A/N: first of all thank you so so much for 900 followers!! You have no idea how happy and thankful I am. I hope you enjoy this!! 💖💖💖

taglist: @aesthetichrj @bvbyxuxi @bitchenderyy @chitaphrrrr

this is fiction!

Oh, you broke my heart I told you I was weak for love But then you went around And did what you wanted to do And now I'm crying, crying

“Don’t you fucking get it Y/n?! There’s nothing going on between me and her! Why are you always so fucking insecure?!”

“Are you being serious right now? I just-“

“Just what Y/n?! Huh?! Do you always have to ruin everything?! One night, one fucking night and you can’t keep your mouth shut! You’re so damn frustrating. It’s fucking New Year’s Eve and you just have to annoy the shit out of me!” Johnny yelled at you. He closed his eyes to calm down, but all he saw was red and he needed to go.

“But Johnny-“

“No! I don’t wanna hear anything. I’m leaving. Happy fucking new year.” He cut you off, he didn’t care about your feelings at that moment. All he wanted was fresh air and be far, far away from you.

“No please don’t go I’m sorry-“

You tried to apologize, but Johnny simply didn’t care.

It was almost midnight and you didn’t want the night to end like this. All you wanted was spend the night with Johnny. Just you, Johnny, wine, and a great dinner. This was your third New Year’s Eve with Johnny and your first New Year’s Eve alone with him. You had spent the last two years with your mutual friends at some party, but this year you wanted to be just with him.

Things escalated quickly.

First he was distracted, he was on his phone the whole dinner and then, while watching a movie he chose, he was also on his phone. Then, he got a phone call and was in your shared bedroom talking for almost an hour.

Your special night together suddenly turned to a shit night for you.

You were suspicious about his behavior. Always on his phone, always talking to someone and whenever you asked whom he was talking to he answered with a simple ‘a friend’. But you knew exactly who that friend was and when you had enough, you confronted him about her.

Johnny left your apartment, he was slightly tipsy, the wine you drank was in his system and he knew that his next decision was stupid, so dumb and would destroy everything you had built, but in that moment, he didn’t care.

So his next move was to call her and ask her if she was free. It was New Year’s Eve, she was probably at some party or with her family, but she quickly dropped her friends and the party she was at to meet Johnny at her apartment.

The clock struck midnight and instead of kissing you, Johnny’s lips were on her lips and you were finishing the second bottle of wine. You sat on the balcony and watched the firework with tears rolling down your cheeks whereas your boyfriend was kissing another girl, pleasing another girl, and breaking his promises.

That night, you celebrated New Year’s Eve with tears in your eyes and pain in your heart.

Johnny woke up in the middle of the night.

He looked to his left to see you sleeping next to him but when he saw someone else next to him in bed, he remembered what he did. He remembered how he told you that there was nothing going between her and him and then he remembered how he fucked her, how he cheated on you.

“Fuck.” He mumbled as he looked at the clock on the wall.

03:27

He didn’t kiss you on midnight. He wasn’t with you, you weren’t in his arms, someone else was.

Johnny left the apartment without thinking and rushed home to you. Johnny couldn’t describe how much regret he felt, how guilty he felt. He wanted to cry, he wanted to delete last night from his memory.

He unlocked the door and it was dark inside of the apartment, you were probably sleeping. Johnny’s heart was beating against his chest, he didn’t know what to do. Should he tell you what happened last night? Should he tell you he cheated and broke his promises?

Johnny saw you curled up on the couch, your eyes closed but swollen, you wear wearing his hoodie and hugging the pillow tightly. The balcony was still open and the winter breeze entered you apartment. Your body was cold, hands formed to fists and brows furrowed. Two empty bottles of wine on the coffee table and one used wine glass.

Johnny got on his knees and pressed little kisses on your forehead, your cheeks and nose. He wanted to kiss your lips so bad, but his lips still tasted like the other woman he had been with that night.

“B-Baby?” he whispered softly, “Baby, come on let’s go to bed.”

You didn’t react.

Johnny carried you softly to your bedroom and tucked you in your bed. After getting ready for bed, he also got under the covers and pulled your body closer to his and held you tightly in his arms.

“I’m so sorry.” He cried out. Johnny felt terrible, he couldn’t lose you, the only option was to keep it a secret and delete last night from his memory. Johnny fell asleep crying.

You woke up between Johnny’s arms. He was holding you tightly and it didn’t look like you could get out of his arms anytime soon. He was soring softly and you could tell he was tired.

You stayed in bed for another hour and Johnny slowly woke up.

“Can you let me go?” you asked coldly. You were still hurt.

“S-Sorry.” He let go of you and you were about to leave the room but Johnny stopped you.

“Listen… I-I know you’re mad and I know I made a big mistake. I shouldn’t have left. I’m the biggest idiot on the planet, I’m so sorry I left you alone last night and… and the things I said. I didn’t mean them. I love you. Only you.”

Your hand was on the door handle, holding tightly. You didn’t answer, you didn’t know what to say. Were you still mad? Yes. Were you still hurt? Yes. You just wanted to be alone.

“Y-You left me alone o-on New Year’s Eve. You just left me all alone, I wanted to be with you. You know that I don’t have anyone. You know that I’m all alone and you still left. I only have you but you left me too.”

That was true. You had lost your parents a couple years ago and you don’t have any siblings. You don’t have any family left and you have only Johnny in your life. You were never the person to find friends easily, but Johnny was different. You were friends with his friends, but you were too shy and insecure to call them or text them. You hated it.

“I know- I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you, baby. Do you want to have dinner again tonight? I’ll cook. Or we can go out to that restaurant you love, let’s go on a date, hmm? Tell me baby. Tell me what you want.” He got up and walked closer to you. You stepped back on reflex.

Johnny stopped on his tracks and looked at you, worry written all over his face.

“D-Do you hate me that much?” he whispered.

“I-“

You didn’t know what to say.

“I think I need to be alone.” And then you left your bedroom and locked yourself in the bathroom and started crying.

Johnny knew he had to leave you alone, you had to calm down and he needed to find a way to make it up to you. He knew the fucked up, and the secret he carried was haunting him. Whenever he looked at you, he felt his heart ache.

Maybe you were blinded by your love for him or maybe you were just stupid, but you couldn’t be mad at him any longer.

You entered the bedroom and saw Johnny looking on the ceiling like a lost puppy. He instantly got up and looked at you. “D-Do you want me to leave?”

You were still crying and playing with your fingers. “I-I want to go o-on a that date with you. B-But that doesn’t mean I forgive you. I’m still hurt.” You sobbed.

“Okay baby, anything for you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I left you alone. I’ll make it up to you, okay? I love you so much.” He stroked your tears away and cupped your cheeks. “I’m not going to hurt you again.”

Ooh, it seemed like everything was going fine I found the love that I thought was gonna last Then I accidentally saw a few things in your cell I even LOL'd, man, I should've known Why, why you're doing what you do You, you might as well just tell the honest truth See, I'm not really down with this This ain't no texting shit Know I got no biz, But it is what it is

I don't really have much to say I was over it the second that I saw her name

The first couple weeks of January, Johnny acted like the perfect boyfriend. He did everything he could to make you happy, to make you smile brightly at him.

You could see that he tried to make his mistake up to you and you enjoyed how he showered you with love. You were sure that he was the one, that Johnny was your future.

But that one night, January 31, changed everything.

You were waiting for Johnny to finish his shower. It was date night and you decided to go to the movies. While you were scrolling through your Instagram feed, Johnny’s phone ringed non-stop. He received text after text and even two calls and the sound annoyed the shit out of you. You got up to turn his sound off, but when you accidently saw the last text he got, you almost dropped the phone. You didn’t want to go through his texts, but you couldn’t stop yourself from reading the text she sent him.

19:27 Sujin: hey baby, I miss u

19:27 Sujin: are you free tonight? My pussy missed your dick!!!

19:28 Sujin: *picture attached*

It was a picture of her, half naked, you could fully see her breasts.

You should’ve known. You should’ve known that he lied when he told you that there was nothing going on between him and her.

You couldn’t cry, all you could do was laugh. Laugh at how stupid you were.

Why did he lie to you? Why didn’t he just tell you the truth? You were done with him and with his lies. Maybe it was your own fault. You knew that there was something, but you still believed him and took him back that night on New Year’s Eve. He said so much mean and disgusting things to you, Johnny acted like you were crazy and just out of your damn mind. He called you insecure. Johnny called you so many things and in the end, you were right.

You went to your shared bedroom and started packing a couple of your things. You needed to leave. Now.

You couldn’t cry. You wanted to, but you couldn’t. There were no tears left.

You packed some clothes, you weren’t going to move out. He cheated, he broke your heart and he has to leave. But you couldn’t stand being next to him. You would come back when he was gone.

Johnny entered the bedroom with a towel around his waist. His hair was still wet and little drops of water glistened on his body. Suddenly all you could see were her traces on his body. Love bites on his neck, down to his chest.

“Babe?”

You realized you were staring at him a little too long, the love bites were gone and Johnny came closer to you with a smirk.

“We can skip the movie if you want to.” He put two fingers on your chin and leaned down to kiss you, but you pulled back. Almost tripping over your bag.

“Babe? You good?”

“Cut the bullshit Johnny. I want you to leave and take all of your fucking shit with you. We’re done. I’ll come back when you’re gone.”

Johnny looked at you with so much confusion written all over his face. “Babe what are you talking about?”

“Go to your whore. She probably has enough space for you two.” You said with no emotion as you grabbed your bag.

Johnny still didn’t understand what you were talking about. “W-What are you saying? Baby I really don’t understand- What do you mean? Whore?”

You started laughing, “Come on, you know exactly who I’m talking about. She misses you so much Johnny. Poor girl needs her hole filled with your fucking cock. Go to her. She’s waiting for you.”

Johnny still didn’t get what you meant. “Fucking hell, I saw her texts Johnny! I’m leaving.”

It took Johnny a minute to realize what just happened.

You were about to leave the room when he stopped you. “Listen- please just listen to me.”

You scoffed, “There’s nothing you could say, Johnny.”

“T-There was nothing serious. S-She just texted me shit like that-“

“No Johnny! This isn’t just you and her texting, this is about you being not loyal to me. You lied to me, you called me names, you broke all your promises and you still cheated. You cheated on me with her, you don’t have to lie anymore. I won’t stop you anymore. Feel free to do whatever you want. Not that I stopped you from doing whatever you wanted before, but now you don’t need to come back to me anymore.”

You voice was filled with venom, Johnny knew he fucked up and he thought you would never find out, but now that you did, he didn’t know what to do or what to say to keep you, to make you stay.

“No no no don’t go. L-Let’s talk about this. Baby please don’t leave me. I love you.” Johnny started crying. For the first time in your life, you saw him cry.

You didn’t know how to feel about seeing him cry, but you listened to your brain and not to your heart like you always did and your brain told you to leave. You were done with him. So you left without looking back.

I got two, ooh, ooh letters for you One of them's F and the other one's U 'Cause what you gotta do, is go get yourself a clue Only two, ooh ooh letters to choose One of them's F and the other one's U SMH, I'm pressing send on you

Johnny texted you about thousand messages every day since you left. He called and left thousand voicemails. After two weeks, you also got mail with letters. Letters filled with apologies.

You hated him so much, but you couldn’t stop listening to his voicemails or stop reading his texts and letters. Maybe it was because you missed him or maybe you felt better now that he ran after you like a lost puppy. But you couldn’t let go of him if he keeps sending you things like that.

22:04 J: I won’t stop trying.

22:05 J: I love you too much to let you go.

You laughed at that. He loves you? Is cheating his way of loving you? You decided to answer him.

22:10 you: Fuck u Johnny. You don’t know anything about love so just stop and don’t embarrass yourself.

22:10 J: I can’t believe you texted back. I knew you were reading my messages. Please, let’s talk.

22:13 you: Don’t you get it? I don’t want to see you.

22:14 J: Okay, then answer the phone. Let’s just talk.

Your phone started ringing and you almost answered. It rang and rang and he called you again and again, but you never answered.

22:50 you: stop calling. Stop texting. Just leave me alone.

You shook your head angrily.

He left you alone on New Year’s Eve, why was it so hard for him to leave you alone now?

Could've been this, could've been that We done been there, we done been back You ain't with it, could've said that Why you tripping, let me hit that I ain't trying to argue more. I do it all for you, You know you're my right eye Baby, let me show you

Johnny was about to lose his mind.

After you left nothing made sense anymore. He was lonely. Lonelier than ever. Johnny has many friends but he never left the apartment to hang out with them.

There was no point in going out and coming back to a lonely home.

He missed you, he missed everything about you. He realized, after you left, that he loved so many small things about you. For example, the way you sneezed, that was the cutest sound he has ever heard or the way you always fell asleep with a little smile on your face. A smile he missed.

Johnny missed to see you on the couch, a pillow between your arms because you couldn’t hug Johnny, he had to take a shower or for whatever reason he couldn’t watch tv without you.

Oh, how he wished he could just drop everything and cuddle with you on the couch. You could’ve been in his arms right now, you could’ve been kissing him like you always did. You loved kissing him and he missed the feeling of your lips on his.

He regrets cheating on you. He regrets it so much and there’s not a single day without him crying about that.

Johnny rarely cried, you knew that, but after you left, he couldn’t stop his tears.

He had to show you how much he loved you, how much you mean to him. Johnny had to show you, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Johnny would do anything to get you back.

Oh, I know what's been going on Don't even try to act like Mr Super Nonchalant What makes you think I'll stick around I'm not as stupid as you sound And you sound really dumb right now From A to Z, ooh I got a lot of nasty things flowing up in my head But none of them are worth my time You're not even worth this rhyme And I don't, I don't give a flying

It was hard for you to find a place to stay and Johnny knew that, but even though he wanted to be with you, he left your apartment so you could stay there. The only friends you had were Johnny’s and it was hard for you to ask them for help, you hated to ask other people for help, because you didn’t want to be a burden. That’s why you stayed in a hotel for two days, until Johnny texted you that he left the apartment. It hurt you a little, the fact that he was gone but you tried to ignore that feeling, just like you tried to ignore everything else he did. You overthink everything and you were scared to annoy his friends with your presence, which wasn’t even the case. After Johnny’s friend heard about what Johnny did and how he broke your heart, they lectured him and were angry. Yes, he was their friend but you were their friend too and what Johnny did was unacceptable. A couple of his friends reached out to you, they wanted to be there for you and help you go through the pain.

A month after your breakup, you met Johnny again. One of your mutual friends held a BBQ party and she insisted for you to come. Of course she told you about Johnny also being invited but you didn’t care about him at that moment. You wanted to have fun, but now, with him right in front of you, you wanted to go back home and hide under your bed. But you wouldn’t show him that.

You felt his eyes on you, no matter what you did or where you were.

Playing beer pong outside, his eyes were on you.

Cutting tomatoes in the kitchen, his eyes were on you.

Drinking your cocktail in the living room, his eyes were on you.

Not like a creep, of course. He watched you like someone who saw the love of their life for the first time and he saw the love of his life for the first time after the breakup. He thought about ways to approach you, to talk to you and apologize, but the timing was always bad.

Except for now.

“Y/n.”

Your turned around as soon as you heard his voice. The others were inside whereas you went outside for fresh air. Johnny followed you, he saw an opportunity to talk to you and he wouldn’t let go of that.

“Don’t walk away- please.”

“Why would I stay here with you?” you scoffed.

“Just listen to me, just once-“

“You think I’m stupid? You think I don’t know what you’re going to say? It’s always the same shit. Oh, I’m so sorry. She doesn’t mean anything to me. Please forgive me. Blah Blah Blah.” You said in a mocking tone.

“But it is the truth! She doesn’t mean anything to me. I just love you, it was a mistake-“

“Johnny, come on. You sound so dumb right now. Just stop. Whenever I see your face, I just want to punch you and her, but you aren’t worth it. She isn’t worth it to be in my head. Fuck you and fuck her. Oh, wait, you did that already, right?”

Maybe you were being a little pathetic right now, but you didn’t care.

I don't really have much to say I was over it the second that I saw her name

“I don’t really have much to say. I was over it the second that I saw he name on your phone.” you said, looking him straight in the eyes. Your voice was so cold, just like your eyes.

“But I have things I need to tell you. I need to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am. Just listen to me, just this once and If you’re still done with me, than okay, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Fine. I’m so fucking sick of this.” You mumbled.

“I didn’t lie to you on New Year’s Eve. There was really nothing between me and her. She would text me but I never really replied to her. We went out a couple of times, but not just us. We went out with other friends and I barely noticed her. We were just friends, even less than that. On New Year’s Eve you pushed my buttons, I’m sorry to say it like that, but something inside me switched and all I wanted to do is to h-hurt you.” He looked down, ashamed, “I was drunk and angry. A really bad combination. I called her, she invited me to her home and before I knew it, I woke up with her next to me.”

You closed your eyes, you tried to imagine little butterflies and the sea, but all you could see was Johnny with another woman.

“As soon as I woke up, I came home and I-I didn’t know what to do. I hated -hate- myself for what I did that night, for hurting you and leaving you alone like that and for c-cheating on you. I know it’s not an excuse but I was so drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing. It just happened. When I saw you at home, asleep on the couch, it broke my heart. I wish- I wish I could turn back time and stay at home with you that night.”

“Johnny-“

“I’m not done. I deleted that night from my memory. I know it’s stupid but I couldn’t lose you. I was selfish and I thought that you would never find out. B-But that night you saw her messages, you only saw her messages. It looked like we were still texting and s-sleeping with each other. But here-“ he pulled out his phone and showed you their conversation.

“I always told her how much I loved you and that she should leave me alone. That I did the biggest mistake in my life and that you’re the love of my life. I swear Y/n, I am so sorry, so fucking sorry that I hurt you like this. But I mean it when I say that I only love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I did so many mistakes and I totally get that you h-hate me but I want to show you how much I actually love you and I know that you love me too.”

You scrolled through their texts. He said the truth, he always told her to fuck off and leave him alone, she was also blocked now. Johnny told her that he wants only you and that he would spend the rest of his days regret hurting you, but he’d also spend the rest of his days loving you.

“I-“ you didn’t know what to say.

He was right, you still loved him.

“Johnny… can you take me home?”

I got two, ooh, ooh letters for you One of them's F and the other one's U 'Cause what you gotta do, is go get yourself a clue Only two, ooh letters to choose One of them's F and the other one's U SMH, I'm pressing send on you

Johnny was bigger than you and stronger, but right now you felt like you were the stronger one.

You pressed him against the wall as you pressed your lips on his. You caught Johnny off guard but not even a second later, he kissed you back and put his hands on your waist.

“Don’t touch me.” you pulled away to say this and when he thought it was over, you kissed him again. Your hands were on his shirt, slowly pulling it up. When you were done, you pressed your hands lightly on his chest. You loved every inch of Johnny’s body.

Johnny was obviously stronger than you and he could push you away easily, but he couldn’t, until your hands landed on his belt. “N-No, Y/n wait-“ he said as he pulled away.

You ignored him.

You kissed right above his jeans, slowly going up leaving wet kisses on his belly and chest. You couldn’t reach his neck, you wanted to leave love marks, and that made you mad.

“Fucking big asshole. Why do you have to be so big?!”

“Y/n- I thought you wanted to talk? I don’t want you to do anything you might regret later.”

“Just shut up and let me do what I want to do.”

“You’re drunk.” Johnny said. Yes you had a couple cocktails but you knew what you were doing.

“Fuck you, I’m not drunk! Do you want to fuck me or not?!” you yelled now, annoyed that he hesitate so much.

“Of course I want to fuck you but-“

“No buts. Take off your pants.”

Johnny didn’t move. He didn’t know what to do. On the one hand he wanted to feel you close again, on the other hand he was scared to push you further away after having sex with you.

“Fine I’ll do it myself.” And you did. You unbuttoned his jeans, pulled it down along with his boxers and kneeled down.

His cock was semi-hard. The way you acted turned him on and now you’re on your knees looking absolutely beautiful and sexy.

You slowly started pumping his cock and Johnny bit his lip as he watched you. His tip was leaking with precum and you used it to make it easier to pump him. You put your lips on his tip and kissed it and then you licked it like a lollipop. You twirled your tongue on his tip, your hand still pumping him up and down. When you put his cock in your mouth, Johnny’s hands softly gripped your hair.

You pulled away, “No touching.” And he let go instantly. He was going crazy, he needed to touch you.

You put his cock back into your mouth and bopped your head. Johnny’s cock was big, you couldn’t fit all of his cock inside your mouth but the way he hit your throat turned him even more on. He was a moaning mess. You softly played with his balls and you felt him twitch. He was about to cum and right before he could, you stopped and pulled away.

“Fuck- What why did you stop? Are you alright?” he asked you. First frustrated that you stopped him from coming and then worried that he hurt you.

“Lay down.” You ordered him.

Johnny listened. He laid down on your bed and watched you take off your dress and your underwear. A sight he had missed so much, so fucking much.

“You’re so beautiful.”

“Stop talking.” You ignored the butterflies in your belly.

You crawled on top of him and slowly put his cock inside of you. You were definitely wet enough. Johnny lost his mind, he missed being inside of you. He missed being this close to you.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He moaned and his hands landed on your hips.

You grabbed his hands and pressed them down on each side of his head. “I said no touching, Johnny. No. Fucking. Touching.” You didn’t stop moving your hips as you said that you knew it turned him on as you felt him twitch again.

You weren’t going to lie. You felt amazing. You were embarrassingly close, all you did was sucking his dick and riding him for not even a minute.

You kept your hands on his wrists as you rode him faster and faster. The way you clenched around him, the little sounds that left your from kissing bruised lips, he loved it. Johnny loved you.

“I’m going to c-cum.” He moaned out.

“C-Cum inside of me, I want every drop of your cum Johnny.” You were so close and when Johnny came inside of you and closed his eyes while moaning your name out loudly, you came too.

You let go of Johnny’s wrists and collapsed on top of him as he pulled his cock out of you.

Chest against chest, heartbeat against heartbeat.

Your head was in the crook of his neck and you were breathing heavily. You tried to catch your breath and stop yourself from crying, but Johnny heard you sniffle and not even a second later, you started sobbing in his arms.

“Y/n? Are you crying?” he rubbed your back softly, not sure what else to do.

“Fuck you. I’m not crying I’m dancing you i-idiot.” You cried out.

You couldn’t stop the tears from falling, you didn’t notice how hard you were crying until it got hard to breath.

“Hey hey hey, I’m sorry. Look at me. You have to calm down.” Johnny softly pushed you up and you wrapped your arms around your boobs, suddenly feeling completely exposed and vulnerable.

Johnny was about to move away and you immediately hugged him tightly, you were scared that he would leave after fucking you. You were scared that you were just imagining this and that he wasn’t actually here. But Johnny actually just wanted to give you his shirt.

“Fuck you. I hate you. Y-You broke my heart.” You cried out as you hid your face in his neck.

Johnny slowly stroked your hair and with his other hand he held you tightly. “I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you, but I love you so, so much.”

He was crying too.

“Y-you really don’t deserve me. Fuck you for hurting me, fuck you for cheating on me and fuck you… I-I still… love you.” You finally said it. It was so hard but all the weight on your shoulders vanished and you felt relieved.

“I love you. Only you. Please forgive, please let me love you again. Please I need you so much.” Johnny said and left little kisses on your shoulder.

You pulled back softly and looked him in the eyes. Your eyes were as red as his and full of pain and love.

“Please don’t hurt me ever again, please no matter how much you want to hurt me, just yell at me o-or I don’t know throw something at me… b-but don’t do that again…”

Johnny’s heart ached, he would never forgive himself for hurting you like this, for breaking your heart. It was a punch in the face to hear your words. Was he really such a monster? Yes he was. He was a monster who hurt his better half for something so stupid and now you were suffering. You were always right and he would do anything to make you happy. How could he even get mad at someone as kind and lovely as you? How could he even think of hurting you?

“D-Don’t say that. I will never hurt you again, I promise. I could never get mad at you, Y/n. Everything was my fault, I did this to us and you never deserved this. You are too good for me and I’ll make sure to show you how much I adore you, how much you mean to me. I’ll never let go of your hand.” He took your hand in his and placed a kiss on your knuckles, “I love you, Y/n. Can you give me a second chance?”

You looked him in his teary eyes. You were going to follow your heart and your heart told you to try again. You could see his love for you in his eyes and you could hear it in his broken voice. You were ready to give him a second chance, you could forgive him but you would never forget what he did.

You nodded softly “Y-You have to make it up to me and it won’t be easy.”

“I’ll do anything.”

“Okay.” You breathed out.

“Thank you.” He looked you in the eyes with his brown puppy eyes and you couldn’t stop yourself from pecking his lips. You pulled back and watched his reaction. Johnny smiled softly and both of you slowly leaned in and kissed. A soft and slow kiss, with so much passion and longing.

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