My two closest friends rn are naturally skinny and underweight and ngl it’s such a trigger 😕

it makes me feel bad for saying that but sometiems it’s genuinely so hard to be around them bc of how much I hate my body and it’s just not fair

why do they get to be skinny and I don’t

Why don't individual Chupa chups show their best before date... I wanna eat them...

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people with undiagnosed physical disabilities

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people with undiagnosed mental disabilities

Happy disabled pride month to mobility aid users

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people who are in constant pain

Happy disabled pride month to AAC users

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people with ableist family

Happy disabled pride month to fat disabled people

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people with scars

Happy disabled pride month to disabled addicts

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people who's disability is progressing

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people who love their disability

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people who hate their disability

Happy disabled pride month to disabled people with underrepresented and/or uncommonly known disabilities

Happy disabled pride month to all disabled people. I love you. /p

I cannot fight for my health and fight the world at the same f**king time.

if someone could write a book on how to do everything ‘normally’ with specific step by step instructions that’d be very appreciated!

new gemini update was so good as always but I can't stop thinking:

big mama: there's nothing wrong with my sons

splinter: you fucked up two perfectly good kids is what you did. look at blue. he's got an eating disorder

wwhhhattttt? nooo, don't be silly. leo doesn't have an eating disorder.

leo and donnie have eating disorders--

Moral Orel doesn't seem 100% like a show I'd feel seen in if you don't know me but then I remember the episode with the special ed kids and underneath the usual satire on extremist bible belt religion it reminds me WAY too much of how actual special ed departments treated me and other kids growing up.

Like the writers must HAVE BEEN THERE IN LIFE, man. I'd kill to sit down with Dino Stamatopoulos and find out what the fuck inspired him and the other writing staff that day.

What made you start shipping IH? :) (if I can ask)

i got into bleach a little late, so by the time i was watching the hueco mundo arc, the manga had just about wrapped up the fullbring arc. BUT, i was binge-watching so many episodes a day that i ended up catching up to where the manga was a lot faster than i had anticipated 💀 the reason i mentioned this is because the way i binge-watched the series really affected my perception of the pacing, where yammy's attack and orihime saying goodbye to ichigo all happened within like. 2-5 days of each other in real time, just like in the anime. i remember going from not really paying attention to orihime all that much to having her be my favorite character overnight, simply because her lack of self-worth and her insecurities really resonated with me! i kind of had a gut feeling that ichihime would be canon when orihime had that talk with rangiku, but the moment i became really hyped about the ship was during goodbye halcyon days! orihime's speech really floored me, i replayed it like 100x times, i watched 100 AMVs of it, and i was excited to see ichigo go feral when he finally heard the news about her kidnapping, because that's like. a classic romance trope, right? one character not realizing how much the other cares about them? and then the other character proving them wrong in really dramatic ways? my brain had kind of divided the arc into two parts - a) orihime's confession and b) ichigo's response, so i did guess that they would get a lot of moments from here on, but boy i did not anticipate just how many moments that would be. bleach until that point had mostly just been about the plot for me, but that's when i started caring about the ship.

it was around this time that i got curious and went online to see if ichigo and orihime would have any more moments (i was so excited about the possibilities that i didn't mind seeing spoilers) and that's when i saw a clip of the infamous tower scene on youtube and i was like....wow....are you joking rn....is this for real....and then i continued watching the anime and i was like....it is for real and it's actually sooooo insane? my best friend at the time had told me to stop watching bleach after the arrancar arc ends because it gets really bad after, but i wanted to know where ichigo and orihime's relationship was going to go from here (after lust arc). i didn't have a tumblr account at the time but i did lurk around a lot of blogs for other fandoms (this was back when you could take a look at any blog without having to sign up), and that's when i realized that a) the manga was ongoing and i could read that and b) the manga had a lot more moments from earlier arcs that i had either completely glossed over or the anime itself had cut. as you can imagine, this delighted me, who casually shipped ichi/ishi because they were funny together but had no stakes in canon romances. i wanted to see ichihime grow, i'd become very fond of them almost overnight, and in the in-between periods where i waited for the manga to update, i read a lot of fanfic on fanfic dot net and began following people who liked the ship, but i was too scared to post/interact with anyone because the fandom was very different pre-2016 and i was scared of being bullied for liking ichihime lol.

me when im in a being literally me competition and my opponent is Mythic Quest character Carl "CW" Longbottom as potrayed by Josh Brener in theseason 2 episode "Backstory!" 😦😦

people on tiktok need to be studied

My November 4na Rules

1. Chug water before every meal

Helps you feel more feel and obviously water is great for so many things including weight loss, metabolism boost, skin, etc.

2. Take a sip of water in between each bite

Will help me be more aware of what and how much I’m eating, will also fill me up more so I eat less food

3. Purg3 after b1nges

Obviously avoid purg1ing if possible bc of how damaging it is and bc my teeth are already sensitive enough with braces, however if there’s a b1nge that can be really harmful and over 450 cals, purg3 it.

4. Count everything

This will help when I reach my goal weight if I decide to eat more, and will also help me know how much to eat on my metabolism day so it’s not just a b1nge day.

5. If eating is avoidable, don’t eat

For example, if my mum asks me if I want a snack after school, say I already ate a lot. Say thing like there’s an event at school with free food, I bought food at the cafeteria, etc. also give as much food to my friends as possible if I have to take food or take food in packaging to hid in my bag

6. After overeating or gaining weight, I have to “punish” myself

Everytime I do it, I have to sh. One cvt for each .1kg I gain and one cvt for each 25 cals I eat over my limit. I want to continue building the pattern in my brain that makes food the punishment, not the prize. This helps new nerve patterns develop in the brain and when you see food the nerve patterns that tell you food is punishment will overpower the ones that tell you it’s pleasure

7. Green tea

At least 2 cups each day, one at night and one in the morning. Green tea helps with metabolism so much that you can end up burning an extra 75-100cals bc of it.

8. Exercise

Walk as much as possible. I already walk a lot bc of the stairs at my school, but I have to make sure to walk in my room as well. For example, if I’m doing my cross stitch and it’s an easy part I’ll walk around while doing it. Or if I’m reading and want something to do. This also helps me with not eating, bc often when I get bored or need to fidget, I’ll eat. I also want to do lots of dance, not only bc it burns lots of calories but it’s so so fun and I love seeing my improvement as I keep practicing

This is it so far! I think I’ve forgotten some so I’ll update it when I remember <3

Never read your clinical notes because I did and just found out how transphobic my cardiologist is.

GENO ANGST :00 ( or geno and Edward fluff, whatever you choose )

I had an idea of geno having a panic attack in class but I wanna see what you would write abt him.

(YESSS, I love them so much. It's a crime that there isn't more for them! Siblings dynamics are a soft spot for me. ♡)

To say Edward was feeling guilty would be an understatement. He had committed the awfullest of awful things. He'd made his baby brother cry, and oh boy, was it eating him alive. Sure, he teased Geno like any other older sibling, but he truly adored the little brat, and genuinely hurting his brothers' feelings was something the jock would NEVER do on purpose. He was stressed out majorly, which was NOT an excuse, but still. Everything had been so chaotic. James was acting off. He had a big test to study for, Isaac was being isaac. So many supernatural related things had been happening, and don't even get him started on Felix and his shit! Ed was beyond overstimulated at the moment. He'd snapped, and he'd shouted at the boy. Which was something Ed never did. Ed yelled a lot, but never at Geno. He prided himself on his immense patience when it came to the little rascal... but he'd broken that streak... and over the stupidest of things, Geno had just wanted to play with him...

"Geno, I don't have time..." he'd warned in a tone that usually got the message across that he was too stressed or upset to talk. But the kid had pushed further, clearly desperate for his attention. "You never have time! Come on, just a game or two! I'm bored!!" he'd complained in that whiny voice Ed usually found annoyingly endearing but at that moment had made him want to rip his hair out. Everything had made him want to rip his hair out. The sound of faint construction happening down the street and the soft whirl of his fan were too loud for him. The feeling of his shirt against his skin made him want to set himself on fire, and the room had been too bright even with just the sun from the window to light it. He just couldn't handle it right then, but words had never been his strong suit, ESPECIALLY in moments like then. "Geno..." he'd warned again. "Come on, come on, come onnnnnn-"

"STOP! GOD FUCKING STOP!" He'd slammed his hand down on his desk as he'd glared daggers at the other. "GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!? YOU ARE SUCH A PEST!" He'd shouted. Geno had looked astonished for a moment. His eyes were wide, and jaw slacked before his little mouth started to quiver, and his eyes started filling with tears. Ed had been so overwhelmed that all he'd been able to do was turn the away again in his seat, close his eyes and press his palms into them as he tried desperately to tune everything out around him. It wasn't until he'd finally managed to get his bearings that he'd really realized how harsh he'd been. And now he'd been sitting by the younger boys' door, trying to figure out how to express how bad he felt. Geno was still sniffling, and the noise wasn't helping him at all... He knew he was just stalling because he didn't want to see the red tear stained face his brother always had after crying.. but he also knew nothing would be resolved if he stayed there. So... he forced himself up and knocked as he peeked his head in. "Geno... can we talk, please?"

The kid was curled up under his blankets. The superhero patterned comforter, shielding his tiny body from the other. Ed knew the feeling of faint relief at not having to see the hurt he'd caused was selfish, but it was there regardless. "...ok.." his voice was crackly from crying, and Ed forced himself forward once again, moving to seat himself at the end of the bed to give the other space if he wanted it. He was silent for a moment before taking a deep breath in and letting it out to steel his nerves. "...I'm sorry I yelled at you." he started,"I shouldn't have done that, we don't yell at each other, and that wasn't okay."

He watched the lump of blanket shift before half of genos face peeked out. "... why did you yell at me?" He asked cautiously, he didn't understand. He pestered his big brother like that all the time, and it never triggered such a harsh reaction. At the worst, he'd be gently booted out of his room and banished to the hallway... Edward didn't know how to explain it. He didn't know why he got so overwhelmed sometimes... he just did. But he'd made a vow to himself that when his baby brother asked him a question, Ed would answer it. He wouldn't sugar coat it or dance around it. He'd always tell him the truth in as age appropriate language as possible. Because Geno was smart and he needed to know things. "...I was overwhelmed." he answered, fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he fished for words. "I've been... really stressed lately. There's a lot of stuff happening right now, and I've been pushing through it fine.. but I guess today... I just can't." he admitted running a hand through his own hair as he heard Geno shuffling again. He'd come out of his hiding spot, his knees hugged to his chest. "Is that why you're never home, cause of the stuff?" He asked.

"Yeah... cause of the stuff..." Ed mumbled back. "I'm sorry too..." Geno whispered his voice quiet as he wiped at his eyes. "What for?" Ed raised an eyebrow. "For pushing when I knew you were busy. I know you're in high school, and you have a lot of stuff to do.. but I miss you... you're always busy now... you never have time to play anymore." he admitted. Ed hadn't thought about that... how he'd been home less and less, and brushing geno off more and more. He always tried to make time to play with Geno, at least on weekends, if anything... but he'd not been doing a very good job at that lately. "I..." his attention shot back to his little brother again at the sound of the boy's voice cracking. "I'm not a..actually a pest, am i?" he croaked out, trying to wipe away the tears that spilled once more.

Edward's face twisted into a frown, shushing the other gently as he scooped him up and moved to sit with him in his lap, his arms wrapped tight around his poor baby brother. "Shhh..sh sh sh... of course not Genie... you're my little buddy, I love having you around..." he insisted, "I...I'm sorry I haven't been home much, I'll...try and cut back on some stuff, okay? I think I need it..." he spoke softly and let out a sigh. They sat in silence for a long time. Genos tears turning to faint sniffles as his brother rubbed his back. "You wanted to play that new game you got, right?" Ed voice broke the silence. "Yeah..." he mumbled, moving around a little to look up at the older. "Wanna play a couple rounds?" relief flooded Ed at the way Genos face immediately lighted up. "Yeah!"

He couldn't help but giggle at the enthusiasm as he was quickly yanked up off the bed and tugged towards the door "Okay okay I'm comin, relax." he snorted, His little brother could be a pain sometimes, but it was a pain Edward couldn't possibly live without.

I finally got my custom knee braces!!!! I’m so fucking happy I just wish it didn’t take this long to get it authorized. I’m so lucky too that my insurance covered them because otherwise they’d be ridiculously expensive. They were 3D printed to match my legs so they fit so perfectly. Getting used to them is hard because they make my leg muscles have to actually work rather than just going along for the ride and my joints don’t hurt as fast during the day. Walking is so much better now. I’m so fucking happy omg. I’m so thankful to my sports medicine doctor who wrote the letter that was hugely responsible for getting my insurance to approve them.

Now I need custom fit braces because of the significant size discrepancy between my thighs and my calves. Every pre fabricated brace I have tried or wanted to try didn’t fit me in so many ways. Either they didn’t go big enough to fit my thighs or they fit my thighs but were too big for my calves or they wouldn’t sit right on my knees or so much else. But I finally have amazing braces that fit perfectly and actually stay on my legs and for that I am so thankful.

These braces have made such a big difference in how active I’m able to be and how I’m able to do physical therapy. With these braces I can actually get my knees and legs closer to where they need to be without the same kind of pain and instability that I have without them.

Now I’m working on getting a disabled parking placard because while walking is easier it’s still hard because of my joints and fatigue and also because of my POTS and just everything else that’s wrong in my body. So I have an appointment with my gp to work on the paperwork and then I’ll go from there to apply. I’m so happy that I’m finally able to get even just some of the help I need and for that I am so grateful.

Found more mouse poop in my bed and I still haven't healed from the ER and might have to go back 🙃

I adore stress. More please. /s

Life is fucking me and not in the good way