also on a semi unrelated note can we please have the sense and simple courtesy to not post untagged stuff encouraging your followers to join you on a hunger strike and providing resources on how to do this 'safely'. rates of disordered eating are incredibly high. harming yourself by deliberately starving for days on end will not help gaza in any way. and if i'm honest, i find it difficult to comprehend that anyone thinks it's a good idea to turn down the option of freely available plentiful food in the name of people who don't have the luxury of that choice.

there is no safe way to abstain from food for days on end. your body needs food to survive. you do not have to put health in danger for a gesture that will ultimately be unhelpful to both yourself and the people you're trying to support.

Recently my therapist dropped something on me that is hard for me to wrap my head around. We’ve started talking through my issues with food and eating, and after a couple sessions she said “I think you may have a form of anorexia” And I’m like “You may not have noticed this but I weigh 250 pounds” and she was like “nah dog, you don’t have to be underweight to have it” and this made NO SENSE to me. And I said “I don’t have the willpower or the strength to be anorexic” which made me stop and think, and made her raise an eyebrow.

I realized in that moment that there had been times in my life when I was jealous of people with this devastating, potentially deadly illness. I felt like they had an ability I knew I would never have. And that’s a super fucked up way to think about it.

We talked through it and she told me that my periods of obsessive calorie counting, punishing myself for eating foods I felt were off limits, measuring things to the ounce, and thinking about food pretty much all the time was the issue. The first time she brought this up was when I told her I used to berate myself for eating something I shouldn’t have when I actually hadn’t eaten it, I’d just thought about eating it. Also when I was drinking too much I would plan my day around it, making sure I had an empty stomach and weighing what I drank on a kitchen scale. And I did research to find out what alcohol had the least calories with the highest abv.

So she tells me she thinks I have atypical anorexia. I still have the obsessive thoughts, but I don’t follow any self imposed restrictions. I still think about them, I just got too tired to keep following them. I still punish myself for eating “bad” foods.

We’re going to continue talking through this and navigate it, hopefully find ways to change some of my thoughts and behaviors. I’m still surprised at myself for my initial knee jerk response of thinking that it’s just like me to have this disorder but still be overweight. That’s not me anymore. I felt that way when I was a kid up to my 30’s, that being overweight made me useless and less than. I don’t feel that way now, but I guess it’s hardwired into my brain at a subconscious level.

To be clear, I have never had negative thoughts about people I knew or met who were overweight. They were different. I was the problem, no one else.

I wanted to share this because I’d never heard of it before, and while it’s not life changing to know this is a thing, it is helping me understand myself and some of my behaviors in a way that I haven’t before. It is also helping me be kinder to myself, at least a little.

I hope this post wasn’t upsetting or painful for anyone. This is just me sharing my experience and thoughts, I don’t know much about this topic and I’m probably shitty in a lot of ways as I’m writing about this since I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m sorry about that. I’m going to tag the fuck out of this.

Anyway. My wish for all of you is that you can be kind to yourself however you can in whatever way you need to be. ☀️☀️☀️

Having a body suckss

do u ever think abt how ice king pretty much canonically has body image issues like

(thats your brain lying to you and saying stuff)

A question from @wareagleofthemountain and while it’s in the same vein as the last one, out of an abundance of caution, I wanted to keep them separate due to possible ED triggers:

Given Haldir’s love of cooking, what is his favorite thing to bake?

I hc that Haldir's best and most relaxing thing to bake is bread due to the time and kneading it takes to make. I've always hc'ed it as an anomaly that, at least in Noldorin elvish society - particularly noble culture - men make the bread (this is based on the idea that women make lembas and it could easily be extended to all breads as a woman/feminine IDing craft). I personally hc that there are some societal holdovers in Lothlórien that are specifically Noldorin due to Galadriel and those who likely stayed with her, despite her marriage to Celeborn and the predominantly Sindar and Silvan population they oversee.

Haldir's baking of bread reminds him of his (now deceased outside of his brothers) family and is often seen as an extension of his love and care for those in his life.

(He has a guilty pleasure for lemon custards and creams and absolutely adores citrus season for all the lemon tarts he gets to make. They're a very hot commodity and in low-citrus years, can often be used to barter and secure favors for those who managed to snag a batch. In the Haldir x OFC universe, he started making them for her and things quickly spiraled out of control.)

...and how would he react if his partner had a bad habit of skipping meals when stressed?

I think it really depends on why his partner is skipping meals (eg do they forget or does it make them nauseous when they eat due to the stress?). In the first case, I think he'd have a tendency to bake or cook extra and make sure there are snacks around. I can see him just dropping by during their workday if he's home and dropping off lunch or swinging by their desk and putting a bowl of dried nuts or a pastry or chopped fruit by their hand. When he's not home, he'd prepare what he could in advance and request that his brothers stop by for meals as often as they can (along with any mutual friends of theirs).

In the latter, I think he'd make something simple like toast a very light soup just so his partner is getting some nutrients in their system even if they can't physically eat. He's definitely a worrier so I can see him pulling his partner into his arms and trying to help them mitigate the stress first so they could actually eat.

Haldir tag-list: @glassgulls @sotwk

Leo und Suchtverhalten. Leo, der als Teenager zu dünn war, vielleicht weil wenig essen ihm Kontrolle gegeben hat, die ihm die Mobber weggenommen haben. Leo, der in Adam zum ersten Mal einen Freund gefunden hat und nicht genug von diesem Gefühl bekommen hat. Leo, der völlig halt- und ziellos ist, nachdem Adam (und damit das Gefühl) weg ist. Leo, der vielleicht sogar in leichten Alkoholismus verfällt, bevor er rechtzeitig checkt, dass ihm das die Polizeiausbildung ruinieren könnte. Leo, der sich in Kontrollmechanismen flüchtet, in übermäßige Ordnung, in Rituale, die manchmal keinen Sinn ergeben. Leo, dessen Welt wieder völlig chaotisch und neu geordnet wird, nachdem Adam wieder auftaucht. Leo, dessen Rituale sich in Luft auflösen, der dafür mit Pumpen und Fitness anfängt, weil ihm das eine neue Form von Kontrolle gibt. Leo, der sich an Adam hängt, trotz "Leo warte noch", trotz "Normalerweise würdest du das ganz anders angehen", trotz "In deiner Welt vielleicht". Leo, der nicht ohne Adam kann, nicht genug von ihm kriegt. Leo, der sich im Spielcasino verliert. Leo und Suchtverhalten.

LITERALLY

Like

For example "6up 5oh (cop out)" IS LITERALLY THAT ONE POLICE EP FROM S5 where Jonny said the disclaimer at the beginning OR or bro c'mon literally "dr sunshine is dead" is about the dark OR "hand me my shovel, I'm going in" is about the buried or I personally connect "Mr. capgras encounters a second-hand vanity: tulpamancer's prosopagnosia/pareidolia (as direct result of trauma to fusiform gyrus)" to the stranger bc he keeps singing "you're trying to replace yourself" which I think really fits and also the song "skeleton appreciation day in vestal, my (bones)" also reminds me of the buried but also a bit of Jane Prentiss/the infestation and the jarchivist himself and also the rot yezyez the rotting too and also the beginning of the song "front street" where he sings about the slaughterhouse and meat...yes It's the flesh and the slaughter!!!!

And bro c'mon will wood is just so bbgirl his songs just fit SO WELL it's almost as if he wrote them specifically for tma

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm low-key obsessed with him and I don't even listen to all the songs (I have the entire "everything's alot" album downloaded >I love it really mutch + a few other ones so I hope this counts ❤️)

Have a nice day btw love youuu❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I hope I didn't squish your brain to death with this friggin paragraph I just wrote :'] )

[ID of image in ask: a screenshot of a caption of a tumblr post by theallegedbird that the ask is responding to, it reads "memento mori- will wood, i can and will find a way to relate every ww song to tma istg". End ID]

NO LITERALLY,, YOU ARE SO RIGHT

kind of got carried away so um. long post

completely agree and feel the same about 6up 5oh cop out, dr sunshine is dead and mr capgras

6up 5oh cop out to me especially could be linked to daisy and the guy you mentioned as well as the hunt as whole because of both of them being heavily tied to and criticising the police/police brutality

warning for discussion of eds in this paragraph

skeleton appreciation day for me is the flesh,, dont get me wrong i can see your ideas too but i always interpreted the song as being about eds and negatively/unhealthily watching your weight in order to achieve "the perfect body" by society's standards; by being skinny,, "tell me you can see my bones" , "to cut down on my silhouette" and the whole end dialogue, so that fits into the flesh for me considering another situation of someone wanting the "ideal body" is something that is discussed in a flesh statement (mag90-bodybuilder), but i can see some themes in the song that can could be corruption, plus both the flesh and corruption are pretty closely linked at times (and smirkes system is just inaccurate to begin with)

dr sunshine is dead is as you said the dark to me,, in the sense of someone maybe becoming an avatar (song starts with narrator afraid of the dark/not knowing and ends with them embracing it) but also could be seen as the stranger or even spiral because of its themes (like most of ww's work) involving identity and the self

for hand me my shovel,, may i propose it is also s2 jon coded. very s2 jon coded. it is very much his paranoid need for the 'truth'. do you. do you get me

id also like to propose some other ww songs that are also extremely tma coded,, to me

blackboxwarrior!! ok stick with me but yknow that one dialogue bit that starts "hello, welcome. why don’t you take a seat?" that whole section. thats og elias and jonah in elias' interview. do you see the vision. its them. i always take it as jonah being the narrator when looking at this song with tma in mind,, with the "you’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine" and "for what it’s worth if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now" being directed at jon. please say im not insane for this i. i listen to this song a lot.

on the topic of jon and jonah your body my temple. because. because hes using jon as a pawn,, "your visage my visions" (i know this songs about sydney and elijah ch&t but can be tma too. if you think about it)

again with jon and jonah (i despise jonah and the godforsaken thing that is jonelias but their dynamic is so interesting) laplaces angel,, dont know how to put this one into words but do you Get It,, could be both or either of them really,, certain lyrics include: "it doesnt take a killer to murder it only takes a reason to kill", "the difference twixt fate and free will is whether youre singing", "whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, youd walk the same damn miles i do"

against the kitchen floor could also be jmart,, especially these parts: "i just havent learnt to be as human as you are yet", "i still dont know who you are, only that im still lonely", "apologizing for my life and ever entering yours" "im not a good person, im barely a person at all"

cicada days,, jon. jon coded. i really want ro make something with especially the in case i die live show version bc it just fits. so well. "it just feels inhumane to lose this much", "let all my red flags fade to white yeah i give up", and biggest one to me "here at the end of days, my god what have i done?" as in mag160,,

cotard's solution is the stranger,, again with the identity

there’s more but i’ve just realised how long this already is so ima leave it there

pff sorry for hijacking your ask but i’m a sucker for media analysis and any opportunity to do that with not one but two of my special interests causes me to black out and the autism to take over <33

also you’re so real for everything is lot,, favourite album

have a great day or night :D

Iiiii think this is my favourite thing about him, you know. The way he tries to charm free food out of literally anybody he finds stupid enough to fall for it. He tries it later with the Phantom Thieves on their very first meeting with, uh, some consequences. *cough*

So there’s something going on here: you could very readily extrapolate some issues with food, because this is a really strong thread that runs right through the canon. Is he still not properly sure where his next meal is coming from? Does he only have ready meals at home because he can’t cook? Does he just think it’s funny? Does he enjoy getting one over on people he views as irredeemably stupid, and Sae specifically (who doesn’t always fall for his bullshit)? Is it just that he’s famous and adored and most people will give him anything he wants for just a fake smile? IIRC the artbook says he eats out a lot for appearances but doesn’t notice what he eats.

Also, idk, who knows what he’s really thinking, but note that Sae can’t see him when he pulls that face. Akechi’s mask, aimed at the player, seems flawless compared to e.g. Light’s, who you always think a decent security camera should have exposed.

BTW, he doesn’t say “student” (seito), he refers to himself as a child (kodomo). “You’re keeping a child late and overworking them~”. Manipulative little shit.

Of course the main thing here is that this is a matter of hours after he derailed a subway train.

.

remind me to never comment on youtube bc someone just tried to tell me that weight loss doesn’t involve some form of malnurishment and it’s promptly ruined my day and i’m going to spend today trying not to spiral :) it’s so cool to tell someone with a history of eating disorders that they were actually healthier when they exercising to the point of exhaustion every day and not eating enough bc at least they lost weight, that’s so cool :) i did it the “healthy” way so it’s fine :) it’s actually very cool and good to tell some people that they just shouldn’t eat even though your body literally needs fuel to just function :) so fun :)

diet culture is so fucking insidious bc instead of looking at other markers of health, we’ve decided that that fatness is the worst thing first

like my comment was about someone who was dismissed by a doctor bc she was rapidly losing weight, and he said she could stand to lose a few pounds. she was losing weight bc she had fucking cancer

i hate HATE that people look at me now and think there’s something wrong with me, that i’m disgusting and lazy and whatever else, that they’d tolerate me more when i was actively fucking miserable and torturing my body, i hate it here, it makes me want to never leave my house again, because it’s literally happened. i love running and i haven’t done it in years bc someone decided to yell “encouragement” at me, the only fat person in a street full of other runners

and i have it EASY. i have it SO GOOD. its this bad and im still considered a small fat. i hate diet culture so fucking much. we were so close to something better.

you could not write this shit

like how tf am i getting called racist and told to kill myself for pointing out that it’s irresponsible to post stuff about hunger strikes being brave and kind and perfectly safe with no trigger warnings whatsoever

while we’ve already reached the stage of ‘if you don’t join the strike it’s bc you’re not strong enough to endure it’

is there really so little self awareness at play here that folks can’t see the problem with equating deliberately starving yourself with morality and strength and kindness?

eating disorders are deadly. not eating for days on end is dangerous. share all the pro ana ass resources you want, that doesn’t make it ‘perfectly safe’. the entire point of properly executed hunger strikes with clear aims is that they’re so dangerous that they can lead to a horrible painful death

please just be considerate and tag your fucking posts

I really should not have to say "anorexia killed my sister" to get people to shut up about dieting and weight loss. fuck all the way off. stop trying to get me to affirm your fatphobia. why is this considered a "tee-hee womanly bonding" conversation instead of the insidious shit that it is.

body image issues under the cut and mentions of past eating disorders

I think I've realized what's been bothering me and sending me up an down over the past few days. I have always struggled with my weight and I'm on the chubby side. Even at my slimmest as an adult at the peak of my eating disorder in my early 20's my stomach was soft. (and i was having blackouts, was constantly cold and my hair was falling out soooo)

And the last few days i've started seeing more diet talk and weight loss talk on my dash that's untagged as we near the new year. Because believe you me i have everything related to that black listed. I'm as cured from my eating disorders as i can be and I'm normally good at not setting them off. I haven't had a true backslide with any of that in years. But sometimes it's hard. (this is why i had to be very firm with my doctor with speaking neutrally about my weight and to not treat weight loss as something for praise but just as a thing that happened.) but unfortunately for each doctor or nurse I see i have to reiterate this.

And i've been noticing some of my old toxic thoughts resurfacing. Some of my thoughts towards food haven't been healthy lately. Some of my thoughts toward my body haven't been kind. I've noticed that my attitudes towards exercise trying to drift back to how they used to (which is bad bad bad ) and i'm just struggling to get a grip on my thinking. I want to believe my body is worthy of just existing and is worthy of love and all these other things. Trying to not have how i view my own body be different from how i view others. Why is a body type i view as beautiful on another person not one that i view as beautiful for myself?

So yeah just.. not the best time of it tonight.

every time i see those “imagine if life worked how your anxiety thinks it does and everyone booed you off the bus” posts i think about how many times waiters will make fun of me for ordering my steak medium well. like it’s one thing when it’s someone in the party i’m dining with cuz we’re all just people but the waiter who’s supposed to just write down your order and give it to the kitchen. any comments should about your order should be limited to “oh that’s my favorite” or “lots of people really like that one” and positive stuff. i am genuinely sick of the old “why bother getting it at that point” or “enjoy your shoe leather” type comments from waiters. idk is it just me cuz i have a baby face and i’m usually out with people who actually look like adults that people feel like they can make fun of me. it doesn’t help that whoever i’m with family, friends of family, whatever usually agree and laugh along and get mad when i try to explain how upset i am. it’s not just steak either. i’m a picky eater because of sensory issues, food sensitivities (lactose intolerance, other stuff that i haven’t quite figured out) and i just generally feel anxious at restaurants so i order my simple same foods and i find myself constantly being judged by people who work at these places. like don’t put the food on the goddamn menu if you’re gonna ridicule customers for ordering it. i once tried to order a plain burrito at a restaurant and the guy gave me so much shit for it that by the time it was ready i was too anxious to eat it. like does this happen to other people? do other people get shamed in public for ordering normal ass food??

yall ever have that experience of following an aesthetic blog and then forgetting about it and time passes and then suddenly ur timeline is filled with pro-eating disorder posts or really cryptic religious posts UHM!!!!!! what happened to my y2k aesthetic vibez hello???

Instagram is so fucking stupid lmao I just saw someone say that weighing kids at doctors visits is problematic bc of eating disorders. Like, bestie that’s important information bruhhhhhhh you gotta like, check how they’re growing know how to dose their meds etc there are a lot of steps between body shaming and not fucking weighing a kid

resources masterpost

here's a list of links that i've compiled with resources to help with mental health issues, bfrbs and stress! this list is updated every now and then to add new helpful sites i find so feel free to bookmark.

➸ international helplines

➸ dealing with suicidal thoughts

➸ strategies to stop skin-picking (dermatillomania)

➸ grounding techniques (for anxiety, dissociation or distressing thoughts)

➸ ways to cope with eating disorders (includes advice from people who are recovering/have recovered)

➸ substitute activities for BFRBs (dermatillomania, trichotillomania, etc.)

➸ 50 ways to stop hair-pulling (trichotillomania)

➸ masterlist of links with help for BFRBs (dermatillomania, trichotillomania, etc.)

➸ 25 quick ways to reduce stress

➸ ways to reduce stress in 5, 10 + 30 minutes

➸ tips for coping with SAD (aka. seasonal depression/winter blues)

➸ talking/rambling audios designed to help with falling asleep