#scarrlet rambles
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okay i know the Discourse™️ has been going on for way too long at this point, but
i think some people outside of the OFMD fandom don’t actually get why we’re particularly annoying about this show
OFMD is not the first queer show to ever exist. if anything, it's a late entry in decades of queer media. over a year and a half since the first few episodes aired, everyone knows that OFMD is queer. that doesn't make it particularly special
but back in March? this is the trailer that dropped in February of 2022, 2 weeks before the premier. if you're used to seeing queer chemistry in shows that aren't intended to be queer, you might see the hints between Ed and Stede here. but to most people? it's just a silly little pirate comedy. just guys being dudes. the trailer doesn't even hint at the other 2 canonical queer relationships in the show -- the closest it gets suggesting romance is the music and the pink in the poster
so when people watched this show in March 2022, they went into it expecting subtext and nothing else. to them, it was like watching Sherlock or Supernatural or Merlin in the 2010s. if you were in any of those fandoms -- especially Sherlock and Supernatural -- you know what it was like; constant jokes at our expense, being mocked for creating explicit fanwork, made fun of by the creators and within the show itself. if we saw queer subtext, that was our problem. this was a time when you pretended NOT to be in fandom, for fear of ridicule. we kept our fanwork to ourselves, we DID NOT share it with the cast, and we accepted that our favourite ships would probably never be canon. maybe one day, if we were lucky, we'd have a show where the subtext wasn't mockery as much as deliberate foreshadowing -- but that had to be YEARS away
right?
OFMD was never billed as a queer show, not in the beginning. there was no LGBTQ+ tag on (HBO) Max, it wasn't on anyone's list of upcoming queer shows in 2022, it flew under the radar through most of its first season. this was a show about pirates, and sure, some of them were queer. but not the LEADS. if you think they're romantically involved, that's must be fandom brain poisoning
except the 9th episode aired, and they kissed. and the show said "you're not crazy for thinking they have chemistry because they really do. it's been a romance this whole time". and in the 10th episode, Stede realizes that he's in love
(not mandating you watch this clip if you don't care for the show, but there's something that feels particularly earth shattering about no one saying the word gay but knowing that Stede's realizing he is, that it's completely unambiguous and explicit in a way that only straight romances are usually allowed to be)
this is why people freaked out about this show. no one knew. even the creator, David Jenkins, was surprised when WE were surprised that it was gay for real -- he set out to write a love story, using all the tried and true beats of a rom com. he'd never even heard of the term queerbaiting. he looked at historical Blackbeard and Stede Bonnet and thought "oh, there's something here" and just...wrote that, with very little fanfare, like it was inevitable. like it was obvious. of course Jim and Pam end up together. of course Buttercup and Westley end up together. what kind of disappointing ending would it be if You've Got Mail ended with the main characters just going their separate ways?
so of course Ed and Stede are in love
look, i get it. we're annoying and won't shut the fuck up about this show that seems mediocre at best. i watched the whole thing back in march, thought "huh, that was cool" and was sure that i'd forget about it in a few days
an hour after looking at fanart on twitter, i was lost in the fucking sauce
there's just so much to unpack from a mere 10 episodes. it covers racism, toxic masculinity, gender expression, sexuality, trauma and abuse. and i don't think we should overlook the fact that the non-white characters in this show get to be fully human in a way i haven't seen in my favourite shows in recent memory
additionally, most OFMD are 25 or older. we're not people who've been spoiled by queer rep, who don't get how hard it used to be, how you'd have to grovel for scraps, how shipping and fanfiction was a way to find queer rep where we thought there never would be. we've been here. we're annoying about this show because for a lot of us, it's the first time we've been treated like our queerness isn't an anomaly that needs to be relegated to its own section, that needs to be praised for the bare minimum of acknowledging that we exist. it's not pulling punches to avoid scaring away a straight audience. it just is.
OFMD for me is like when i watched Black Panther for the first time and realized that this is what white people felt all the time. have there been other black superhero movies? of course! does Disney fucking suck? BOY does it. but that was the first time i got to sit in a movie theater and watch a mainstream film that looked at Africa and said "look at how beautiful you are, exactly as you are"
and idk. i think that's really cool
#scarrlet rambles#ofmd#cant wait for all 5 notes on this post#and dont be fucking mean i'm not trying to start shit#anon is off btw if you want to try that#we're going to have a productive conversation or none at all we're adults here#for some reason tumblr didn't save my links and stuff THANKS TUMBLR#anyway the typo version is floating around now i guess 🥲
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it’s kind of irritating seeing criticisms of s2 that expected everything to be resolved by the end, despite the fact that david has been pretty clear since day 1 that this is a three act story
it’s like stopping a movie halfway through and then getting mad that some of the conflict is still unresolved
they struck a balance between leaving room for s3 while also putting ed and stede in better place than the prior season, just in case. that doesn’t mean they suddenly forgot about a bunch of plot threads. it means they had a 40% smaller budget and no guarantee of a third season
also people put so much more pressure on queer shows to be perfect which i find so unfair
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izzy hands is a pageant mom who’s stopped seeing her eldest daughter (ed) as a person
in this essay, i will
#scarrlet rambles#i’m sure this is nothing new i never have new ideas#but it’s the way ed sticks by izzy in a way you stick by your shitty parent bc…..well they raised you#you can’t help but try to love someone who feels like your only family#and considering ed’s track record with fathers……oof
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i’ve seen tweets/posts from people saying that anyone who donated to the ofmd renewal billboard should get beaten with hammers and i just. come on, man
you want other queer people to die bc they spent, on average, $30 on something they really like. i spent about that much on a new sauce pan yesterday. should i also get beaten to death with hammers bc i bought guitar picks instead of donating to a charity your personally approve of. what’s the line here.
you have every right to be furious that the world seems to keep turning while there are horrific tragedies happening somewhere else. but like. how much of yelling at strangers on the internet is mitigating that tragedy. how much shaming is putting food in the mouths of starving people. what’s the point?
are you using your anger productively? or are you burning yourself out bc everything feels hopeless? are you lashing out at strangers bc you feel like it’s the only way you can have an impact?
what’s the point??
#scarrlet rambles#i just#like i’ve been there i’ve been angry i’ve felt hopeless when it seems no one cares#but you have to use that anger productively or you’ll burn YOURSELF out before you can help
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“i forgive you by the way, for sleeping with doug” yeah i’d kill him too
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one thing i love about the ofmd fandom is that the show established that ed and stede love each other, and we decided we were going to make sure that happened again in EVERY universe
#scarrlet rambles#ofmd#our flag means death#if i think about it for too long i get emotional#they find each other as kids#they find each other as animals#even animals that can’t live in the same spaces#and they fall in love anyway#i know none of this is a new concept but#they just make me so happy together
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i’ve never seen anyone who needs to touch grass as hard as people who call regular fans of ofmd “izzy antis” and “gentlebeardies”
#scarrlet rambles#it’s so?? weird??#id love to know how many times they’ve actually watched the show#how many times they’ve watched a full episode with the sound on with full context
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you know if the writers actually didn’t care about izzy, they wouldn’t have had him talk to ricky and they would’ve shot him in the head without any chance to say his final words
but i guess if you think izzy is as, or more, important as the main characters despite all evidence to the contrary, this won’t make sense to you
he got more screen time in s2 not bc he was becoming a major character but bc he was getting a send off. the signs were there from the beginning. if you feel blindsided, it’s because you watched the show assuming izzy was going to be something more than a narrative foil and antagonist designed to be a source of conflict between the actual main characters
you can still love a narrative device like izzy, but he was never going to be more than that. sorry.
i should stop trying to explain this anyway because i’m talking to a comparatively small part of the fandom. they’re just loud. and at the end of the day, our love for the show should be louder
#ofmd s2 spoilers#scarrlet rambles#i feel like my posts about this keep getting harsher but it’s partly me trying to figure out some thoughts#about how we got to the point where a post like this is even necessary#and i find it tiresome to argue with people who don’t understand how stories work#and think the rest of us are being heartless and gloating bc our faves survived
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About Powder Blue
This is going to be long. There are going to be discussions of suicide and trauma. This is going to be a bit of a jumbled mess because I can't tell a linear story to save my life. Don't feel like you need to read this, now or ever.
If you're wondering what the issues with PB were, and looking for what's next, read the indented text and skip the rest if you want!
I've had a bit of a...tumultuous relationship with the OFMD fandom. I've made close friends and lost them, made even closer friends who've very patiently reminded me of my worth when I needed that. I'm at a point where I'm still struggling, but I'm getting better. I'm still working on not being afraid. It's a bit of an uphill battle, but I'm still pushing my little boulder. I'm not alone this time, which is nice.
I entered the fandom as a nobody. I had almost 50 fics on AO3 and two had mildly popped off while I wasn't looking, but I wasn't really known for anything. I was a fandom ghost, posting my little fanfics and sharing them with the world because I just enjoyed the characters so much. Like a lot of people, I dreamed of being known for something. I thought that'd be neat.
I'm still in a state of shock and confusion that I've written anything in the past 2 years that people remember and even love. It's weird to be in a place where I never imagined myself to be. I can't stress enough how much I did not write explicit fic before this fandom; in high school, I would've welcomed a porn ban. I was afraid of my own sexuality, convinced it was some sort of monster I had to control. Convinced I was dirty. To other people my age, I was a prude, naive and childish for not being comfortable with it. So I feel for people who lash out now, who insist that attraction is actually fetishization, that if we set enough rules, maybe if we resist temptation, we'll be saved. I see you, and I feel for you. I personally don't think that's a healthy way to live, but if you'd told me that 2 years ago, I would've cussed you out. It's really a realization you have to come to (or not) on your own terms.
Anyway.
I know it's tacky to talk about your own success but it doesn't feel real. I go back and forth, reading other people's work -- and my god, there's some unbelievable talent in this fandom -- and thinking "shit, why would anyone read anything I've written? My stories are kindergarten finger paintings next to museum masterpieces". I am learning, slowly -- very slowly -- that I can't bully myself into a shape I like better. I'll never abuse myself into the kind of writer I think I want to be.
The first chapter of Powder Blue was written on a random day of the week after work. I was in a server -- the first fandom server I'd properly joined and talked in, watching a convo about how funnyt it would be for Ed to be a middle aged sugar baby -- when I pulled out my laptop and wrote for an hour and then posted that chapter to the server. I hadn't written for five years before OFMD. I had never finished a multi chapter fic. I posted that chapter and went to make dinner, and assumed the Google Docs link would get lost in that channel after a few likes.
That's not what happened.
The next few months were...a lot. My 7 year old Twitter account blew up from about 200 followers to 1000 in a matter of months. I was misinterpreted half a dozen times. Suddenly, people knew who I was and had Opinions. Some of those Opinions were Not Nice. I was told to grow a thick skin and get over it. So I figured my extreme reactions -- physical shaking, intense fear, a spiking heart rate, like I was being chased -- were just me being weak. I thought if I just sucked it up and laughed it off, it'd stop affecting me.
Turns out RSD is real and not an excuse I was using to be a baby, and it literally didn't get better until I was medicated! Wild
(This -- "I'm just overreacting and everyone else is secretly handling it better" -- has been a pretty consistent pattern my entire life, so figuring out I'm actually AuDHD has been mindblowing. If you've been wondering why you're so weak your whole life, I've got some screening tests you might be interested in).
Anyway my point is, a few things happened over the course of 2023 that brought me to a level of emotional pain I've never experienced.
At the start of the year, I was taking a self imposed internet break, after being forced to apologize for a tweet thread about Izzy, where I'd made the mistake of suggesting that fans of his should consider thinking about why they enjoy his character, but to only do this if they wanted to and ignore me if they didn't. This was taken as me being a hypocrite, and accusing Izzy fans of being terrible people. I apologized, vowed to never mention him again, and left Twitter for a month. Around the same time, a few things in a very close friend group went very wrong. I assumed it was entirely my fault for misbehaving, picked myself up, and tried to punish myself into a shape that would be acceptable for other people.
It didn't work.
Since I was now marked as an anti-Izzy bully, I couldn't say anything -- either on Twitter or in private -- that wouldn't be interpreted as me trying to start fights, as me being passive aggressive, as me trying to send covert messages for others to decipher so they could come and grovel for my forgiveness. Some of this is my fault -- it took a long time to learn than my private locked Twitter account isn't a diary. it took even longer for me to learn that maybe the people I was hanging out with weren't my people.
During all of this, I was posting Powder Blue after months of tears, pain, heartbreak, frustration and stress. I still don't understand why people write books for work or FUN. It was the most horrific experience of my life. It was valuable and so rewarding but jesus christ did writing PB take a lot out of me.
So as I felt less connected to my friends, as I was trying to hide how I felt because I thought I didn't deserve to be upset about anything (everything is always my fault, you see, and if I just behaved better, these things wouldn't happen to me), someone came to me and said they'd noticed some issues with Powder Blue. I'll refer to this person as the reader.
I was more than happy to hear them out. And it's true that I made some mistakes. The environment that I published PB in was not the one that I wrote it in. I didn't read any other sugar daddy/sex work fics as I was working on PB. PB was never a reaction to those fics. But because of those stories, which had handled things is harmful ways, there was suddenly a responsibility I'd never expected to have. I've never done sex work, I've just spent a lot of time listening to sex workers and trying to understand the legislation and environment as much as I can as a lay person. And since I don't have a personal experience with sex work, I shared my finished but rough draft with the reader, who did.
The problem, ultimately, is not something I could ever have fixed to their satisfaction. The fic doesn't involve dubious consent on a level that I think warrants an archive warning tag -- I tried to make it explicitly clear that Ed never does anything he doesn't want to, and that he's never coerced. The issue is that the nature of Ed and Stede's relationship is inherently uneven -- Stede is rich, and although he gives Ed money that's his to keep, Ed still isn't as obscenely wealthy as Stede is. Ed is poor and has been for a while. He's good at whatever he chooses to do, but he's struggling. That's a very uncomfortable spot to put Ed in.
I also put Ed through some things that I've personally been through, as a way to work through my feelings and to try and better understand myself. If I was acting like Ed in real life, the reader is right that it would be concerning. But, importantly, Ed's not real. Nothing in this story is happening to a real person. Nothing in this story is an endorsement of any of his behaviours or unhealthy coping mechanisms.
I still believe the reader had good intentions -- the amount of effort they put into coming to me would be utterly bizarre for someone who was just looking to be cruel for no reason. But that also doesn't change the fact that being told I was having a trauma response and needed to stop working on the fic immediately, pushed me into the most suicidal period I've ever experienced.
That's not their fault. I'm sure that wasn't their intention. I've chosen to not try and find out who they are, or try to contact them again to respect their privacy. Some of the things people said to me, publicly dismissing the reader's pain, were so harrowing to read that it made me feel worse for ever writing PB in the first place. They were right to stay anonymous.
I'm sure the reader never meant for me to have such a massive breakdown that I took down the entire fic and left Twitter (and a few friend groups). It's been difficult to understand that just because someone didn't mean to hurt me, doesn't change the fact that I was hurt.
One silver lining is that I did go and find a new therapist. She's great! And she also thinks that how the reader tried to bring things up to me was wrong. As the reader obviously saw, I have a lot of Trauma, so I'm still not entirely convinced that I didn't deserve what happened to me. I'm not angry at them. I appreciate their concern. I just can't do what they asked of me. In the end, Powder Blue was not a story that was right for them. And that's okay.
My point in detailing all of this, is that I stayed quiet for a long time because I didn't think I deserved to tell my part of the story. I was scared that when people said they respected my choice to take down the fic, that they agreed I'd some something impossibly harmful. People trusted my judgement but I didn't trust myself. But people didn't know that I didn't trust myself.
Additionally, reader can't speak on this without revealing themself in some way. I'm terrified that they might read this and say something anyway. My biggest fear is becoming the kind of writer who sees negative criticism and pushes on anyway, or even blocks people who disagree with me. I don't want to hurt anyone the way I've been hurt.
BUT I've been holding onto this for months. I cannot write a perfect fic that will never trigger anyone. I will never write a meaningful story that won't hurt someone, no matter my intentions. There IS a way to admit you fucked up, or a way to listen and disagree, without turning into a raging asshole. I'm struggling to find that line. I'm hoping I'm making the right choice here.
And honestly, I'm just soft. I am so fucking soft. I talk a big game but I am so soft that a single person poking at my trauma caused me to break down so severely that my partner was legitimately afraid for me. I am learning that this softness doesn't mean I should become a crueler person to cope. But it's hard. There are going to be people who see this post and think I'm being a whiny crybaby looking for attention and pity. And I just have to deal with that.
Anyway. All previous chapters of PB will be up soon. Read them or don't. I will do my best to add more detailed trigger warnings. And I would personally suggest that if you're worried about any of the content in the fic, to run these worries past a friend who's read the fic, because they'll know you better than I ever will. Please don't read Powder Blue if you think it'll harm you. I would rather have fewer readers than triggered ones.
If there's anything I've missed that you think I need to address, know that my inbox is open, that anon is on, and that I'm not in the business of retaliating against people who come to me with an issue, even if they're a dick to me while they're doing it. I'm not going to dismiss someone because they weren't nice to me while they were upset. I'm a bitch but I'm not that kind of bitch.
So. Thank you for waiting for this fic. Thank you for waiting for me. We've got something like 16 chapters to go, and I can't tell you when they'll be up, or if they'll be up soon. But thank you for loving this story. I can't tell you how much that means to me, especially now.
Love,
Scarr
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i also find it funny when people use “izzy died for ed’s character development” bc yes. that’s exactly what happened. i’m not even being sarcastic, he literally exists to be the antagonist and a narrative foil to stede. he got a bigger part in s2 bc hes close to Ed and s2 is Ed’s season.
he’s never portrayed as an actual love interest for ed. he’s also not a woman, nor the only queer disabled character in the show. he’s also not real, so no actual person is being harmed by his death
his death hurts to some people bc it was MEANT to. you weren’t tricked. it means he was a tool but a very well written one. if you want a story where izzy is the main character, you’re going to have to imagine and create it yourself bc that’s not the show that actually exists
#scarrlet rambles#like i think it’s fine if a character exists for the purpose of furthering the narrative#and you can’t apply blanket statements to everything#please use a scrap of nuance and context
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“sick of people thinking of ed as an innocent baby who’s never done anything wrong” is such a fascinatingly wrong critique bc some people don’t want to admit that they only like abuse victims if they don’t fight back
bc no one’s saying he’s never done anything wrong, or that izzy is a master manipulator and genius. we said “izzy has learned how to hit ed where it hurts, he knows he’s doing this, ed’s put up with it for years, and now he’s not taking it silently anymore”
if you hear “abuser” and think “loveless evil mastermind” and hear “victim” and think “innocent angel” that’s straight up a YOU problem
and if you’re scandalized that a pirate show involves this kind of violence, maybe watch something else?
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actually very funny to me that izzy apologists think they’re a secret majority of the fandom and then get upset when it turns out they’re not
idk what to tell you, man, you invented a new version of the show that most people don’t care for. why aren’t you happy with existing in your own little fandom corner? i’m happy over here thinking about ed and stede holding hands and kissing and moving on with their lives. why are you so obsessed with me bc i don’t care for your little gremlin man? you can’t just block and move on? you just choose to live like this??
#scarrlet rambles#i fully don’t understand what they want#sometimes you’ll see opinions on the internet you don’t agree with#stop unblocking people to lurk and then getting upset for hurting your own feelings#i’m so sorry but you need to grow up#and if your friends encourage this behavior get better friends
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you know, the more i think about s2 and izzy specifically , the more let down i feel and it’s not a good feeling bc i love this show so much
i think they really did try to do too much in one season with less time and it means that izzy got a spotlight that he didn’t really deserve
i feel like i’m digging through a massive stack of files to piece together a mystery and just getting “we decided that izzy is special” in return which
doesn’t feel good! as a POC and as someone who’s been shouted down, harassed and pushed out of fan spaces for trying to raise the issue of how white antagonists are given preferential treatment in fandom. because now the show is doing it too and it feels like i’m being told to just. accept that it’s happening? he’s really sorry about it (we assume) so can’t you just play nice? why are you trying to argue that no one deserves forgiveness unless they grovel first
(i didn’t say that)
well he FEELS REALLY BAD and LOST A LEG what more do you want??
(idk, the word “sorry” from his actual mouth?)
this is getting away from me bc i’m tired but im like. it feels like the luster is rubbing off and the potential is being wasted and it’s not a good feeling
#ofmd s2 spoilers#scarrlet rambles#i’m just. so tired of trying to explain the nuances of racism#and basically being told to stop causing problems for no reason#it was bad enough when the fandom was doing it#it’s worse when the show decides that they want to show community forgiveness#through someone who hasn’t really shown that they wanted to change?#idk#i’m very tired i’m going back to sleep
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i originally added this to this post and then realized it was almost entirely off topic so:
people more eloquent than me (@chuplayswithfire comes to mind) have talked about racism within the context of the show and how izzy exemplifies a version of it that’s subtle enough to be realistic, obvious to POC and almost invisible to a lot of white people
i don’t think the writers wrote izzy intending him to be a racist the same way the badmintons or the british navy are. but saying he’s not racist at all, despite clearly living in a racist world, misses the point that i — and many other POC — have been trying to make. even stede is racist (see s1e2) and he’s our romantic hero
my point is, white people tend to perceive “that’s racist” as an attack on their moral integrity rather than a description of patterns of behavior, and it’s important to acknowledge when that happens so we can have actual productive conversations. i think some white people are afraid of calling something out when it seems like bullshit, and i’d encourage y’all to just……read more. read about anti racism. read about microaggressions. read about the history of racism in your country and the backlash that always follows progress
it’s going to take time and it’s going to feel uncomfortable, but i promise you’ll be vastly less afraid about fucking up if you just arm yourself with information
#scarrlet rambles#ofmd#like a lot of us are queer and weren’t born knowing all the words#same thing here#this strayed from the topic of fandom but idk#i think people need the reminder#and im not tagging the gremlin man bc i dont want to deal with racists in my notifs
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“ed teach isn’t gnc” we did not watch the same show
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sorry, if you think ed couldn’t read in s1 but never once assumed izzy couldn’t read, get away from me
give me a reason you think this is way that isn’t racist. quickly.
#scarrlet rambles#this also includes just taking it for granted that he could read when he gets the note in s2#con himself made a joke about izzy illiterate#if anything IZZY was confirmed to be able to read in s2#there was always evidence for ed being literate
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