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#toxic academia
fr0gg13b413 · 7 months
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AREN'T STARS MEANT TO BURN?; ON SELF-DESTRUCTION (FOR ACHIEVEMENT'S SAKE)
friedrich nietzsche // would that i, hozier // meditation on the threshold: a bilingual anthology of poetry, ‘monologue of a foreign woman’ by rosario castellanos // boyish, japanese breakfast // nineteen, movements // angel on fire, halsey // nata sin // vincent van gogh // notes from underground, fyodor dostoevsky // holly warburton // joan crawford // unknown, pinterest // first fig, edna st. vincent millay // Clementine von Radics // holly warburton // forugh farrokhzad, tr. by hasan javadi & susan sallée // she knows, j. cole // @/ragingantisocial // some kind of perfect, krista ritchie and becca ritchie // holly warburton // burned out, dodie // unknown, pinterest // a moth to a flame (burnt child), stig dagerman, tr. by benjamin mier-cruz // unknown
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explicitisms · 8 months
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study not to be a better you, but to be the person that people like you admire and envy
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Okay, this is for no one but myself. You ARE going to have all your lectures for that class *you know the one* finished before you even think about sleeping. Pomodoro that shit. Toxic academia, my beloved, we're making a baby tonight.
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seedhe-pahad-se · 4 months
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Desi kid urge to choose a college away from home for the sake of mental peace.
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ifearloveisviolence · 2 months
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Possessive
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x3nshit · 1 year
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“you can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick”
i didn’t get this until someone put it into words. i’d never understand why i always felt better when i locked myself alone in my room rather than spending time with my toxic family. i never understood why i was bubbly and outgoing when i was with my friends but my energy was immediately drained the second i got home. i didn’t understand why regardless of the effort i put into healing i would keep getting triggered by people in my family. i never understood it until i read that sentence and it all just clicked. i can’t heal in an environment where the people are benefiting from my suffering. where the people don’t want to change the behaviour which affects me negatively.
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grapementos · 11 months
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walk away as the door slams
aged up bakugo x reader
cw: heavily! toxic relationships, emotionally abusive (gaslighting, etc.), angst.
pt 2 here.
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bakugo isn't the same person he was in high school. he grew into a top five hero and opened his own agency, only to be brutally torn apart by the tabloids.
scandal after scandal, you watched him crack. like glass, he grew more and more fragile each time he was made out to be a monster, an asshole, a douchebag--whatever other name was thrown out there.
each time, you were there to comfort him and stand by his side against every rumor and generalization. still, it scared you as you watched his resolve weaken. it was as if he didn't see the point in being a hero anymore.
then came the headline, the article that had him hanging up his gauntlets in exchange for civilian life. the article had an incriminating photo of him holding up his hand to a child. of course, it was taken out of context; bakugo had merely been guiding the child away from the rubble of the building near them.
however, the media ate it up, and bakugo decided that being a hero wasn't worth the false allegations. he announced his resignation the same day and rid the entire house of hero news.
it broke your heart to see him give up his dream, so you'd tried and failed time and time again to talk him out of it. you even invited midoriya and kirishima to persuade him to become a hero again, but his mind was made.
he'd since picked up a new, low-brow job that kept him out of the public eye. with that, unfortunately, came stress regarding bills, grocery shopping, and necessary budget cuts. it was a huge adjustment, one that led to frequent arguments.
you worked from home, so you were able to keep it clean and cook meals for the most part. you tried so hard to keep your home a place where the two of you could coexist happily, but he always came home with an unfulfilled look in his eyes.
truth be told, you were exhausted, but bringing it up just made bakugo frustrated, so you avoided the subject. instead, you'd ask him about work, only to be brushed off.
it hurt.
"katsuki," you called from your spot at the table, finishing up some work, "what do you want to eat tonight?"
"dunno." he grunted, walking out of your shared bedroom.
"right. so helpful." you sighed, looking at your laptop once more, "do you have a general idea? or do you want to cook?"
"i just got home from an 8-hour shift." he looked at you like you were dumb, eyes narrowed, "can you lay off with the million questions?"
"it's a simple question. i need to know if i have to defrost anything." you shut your laptop a little harder than necessary, "i work too, you know."
he laughed bitterly but didn't say anything.
"what?" you demanded, hands on your hips.
"oh, nothing. just thought it was funny, is all."
"what's so damn funny?"
"you, sitting on a laptop all day. 'working'," he used air-quotes, opening the cupboards.
"really? you wanna go there?" you closed the cupboard he was looking in, cheeks flushed with frustration.
he stared at you, jaw clenched, "can you move?"
"can you stop being so damn mean?"
"god, i'm not being mean." he shook his head and opted for digging through the fridge instead, "y'just being too damn sensitive."
you took in a deep breath, red hot anger beginning to boil up in your gut and through your hands all the way down to your fingers.
"stop digging through the fridge when i'm trying to talk to you, please."
he didn't even spare you a glance, pulling out the last cold water bottle.
"katuski." you demanded, louder.
"my god, what?" he slammed the fridge closed, leaning back on the counter, "as if i don't get nagged enough by my boss."
"i'm not nagging you. i'm," you stammered, trying not to escalate the situation into an argument, "i'm trying to see what you want for dinner. that's all."
"just make whatever. i'm not hungry anyways." he tossed the plastic bottle into the trash, plopping down at the table.
you rubbed your temples, trying so hard to maintain your calm, "okay."
-
the two of you were sat across each other at the kitchen table. you ate something quick you'd whipped up, finally breaking the silence, "they're considering me for a promotion. it's a pretty significant payraise, and i think i--"
"god, are you fuckin' kidding me?" he interrupted, eyes suddenly aflame.
"what?" you cocked your head, confused at his sudden irritation.
"you just love rubbing that shit in my face, huh? you're always talking about how you get paid more than i do, how work is so great, and now this? great job, breadwinner."
"katsuki, we're partners, we both contribute to this household no matter what. i'm not the... breadwinner." you insisted, pain blooming in your chest, "i thought you'd be happy for me."
"like you were so happy for me to quit that hero gig? so you can get all the glory of supporting us?"
"is that really what you think?" you stood, not able to control the flames of anger licking at your chest, "katsuki, you know damn well i gave my all trying to talk you into staying a hero."
"bullshit. you just wanted it to look that way." he stood too, hands planted firmly on the table, "because that's what you do. you pretend you care, and then just soak up all the glory for it."
you clenched your jaw, "not everyone cares for glory as much as you do. i don't know why you think that, but i know you loved being a hero, and i supported that because i love you."
"do you? or did you only get with me to be the partner of a hero?" he spat, eyes narrow and downright venomous, "poor partner of dynamight, they must go through so much to endure his anger issues. poor fuckin' you, right? poor y/n."
your lower lip quivered, the back of your eyes burning, and he laughed. he laughed.
"what? you're gonna cry, really?" he scoffed, shaking his head, "fine, fuckin' cry. that's all you seem to know how to do."
you inhaled sharply through your nose, eyes trained steadily on him, "fuck you." you whispered, hands balled into fists by your side.
"say it louder." he challenged, "maybe it'll actually do something."
"fuck you, bakugo katsuki." tears fell freely down your cheeks, but you weren't sad. you were pissed.
you walked around the table and jabbed your finger in his chest, "i have done so much for you. so goddamn much. i have stood by you, i have disproved every bad thing the media had to say, i've supported you, and-" your voice wobbled, "it's never fucking enough. nothing is ever enough for you. someone is always after you, someone is always praying on your downfall, because everything's about katsuki, right?"
he was stunned silent, leaning back away from you. his face was conflicted, eyes wide with surprise.
"well news-fucking-flash, the world doesn't revolve around you. and neither do i," you dropped your hand, wiping at your cheeks, "so i'm done. i'm done fighting for us, because you have never once tried for me."
"y/n--"
"y'know, katsuki." you paused on your way to the bedroom, "i think they were right about you. you are a douchebag. an asshole. a monster."
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mrsdarkandyandere7 · 10 days
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Lover's Quarrel
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Pairing: Dark (aged-up) Katsuki Bakugo x (female) Reader
▶ This is a yandere/dark work and it may contain triggering content so please READ THE WARNINGS before. Do not read if minor.
More at Masterlist
Female Reader
SUMMARY: You get away from Bakugo’s toxic clutches. But soon your peace comes to an end.
WARNINGS: Toxic Relationship; minor Violence/Abuse.
AN: Please, reblog and give me feedback.
I just realized today is his birthday, so here it is :) hope you guys like this.
“...you better damn pick up my calls, (Y/N). I’m losing my patience here so you better get that fucking attitude out of your system or I’ll do it for you. Swear to god I’m gonna drag your stupid ass back home if you don’t come to your damn senses and if you fucking think that-”
You press a button, closing the voicemail with a sigh. Throwing your phone to the bed’s edge, you turn your back to it, curling yourself into a ball. 
Your mind is an unstable whirlwind of thoughts and worries and a solitary tear rolls down your face. It’s not fair.
None of this is fair.
You pull the blankets over you, but even their warmth isn't enough to calm the cold that scatters through your body. 
A sob breaks your composure and you hastily push your face into the pillow, smothering down the ugly sobs and whines that break out. 
It takes a long time until your eyes are finally dry and you have no more tears to weep.
But even afterwards, as you finally fall asleep, the heavy feeling still weighs on your heart.
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Ding. 
Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. 
Your friend looks at you and you’re quick to mute the notifications that pop up, eyes catching sight of the messages that Bakugo is spamming you before you black the screen. 
“I know I’ve asked before, but is everything really okay?” she asks, ignoring the movie on display in favor of looking at you, a concerned wrinkle settling between her brows.
“You seem… so distracted ever since you came. Is it about Bakugo?” 
You shift on the couch, uncomfortable. 
“It’s nothing.” you hesitantly tell her, measuring your words carefully. None of your friends know about the depth of Bakugo’s dark side and you’d rather not involve them.
Even though you’re almost sure that she suspects something is up, especially with the unannounced way you dropped by unannounced a couple of days ago, asking if you could stay a few days. 
“You can tell me, you know that, right? I’m not gonna judge or whatever.” 
You nod, giving her a small smile but no words come out of you despite the hefty weight on your mind. You don’t want to burden her with your problems. 
“I know, don’t worry. We’re just giving it some time. Lover’s quarrel and all.” you try to joke even though there's no humor in your smile.
"I see, okay." your friend draws a small smile, hesitating for a moment before letting it be. 
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Work drags far too slowly. 
Boring paperwork to be filled, a few documents that need reviewing.
Nothing that actually manages to successfully distract you away from your current problems. If anything, it leaves you with far too much time for your mind to wander through your situation.
A definitive break-up is more complicated than what it seems as you’re aware that Bakugo won’t peacefully accept that. 
Just the idea of having to deal with an even angrier Katsuki has you cowering further into your chair and you distract yourself by opening your work email, digging into the emails that need to be answered. 
You’ll think about Bakugo later. 
“Later” arrives much earlier than what you expect.
When the clock hits 6 p.m you reluctantly turn off the computer, gathering your jacket and your purse. 
When you check your phone out of habit, the lack of messages surprises you. Strange.
Maybe Bakugo is finally catching the hints that you want to be left alone? You sure hope so.
You couldn’t be more wrong about it and you almost jump when your co-worker shrieks in delight, nudging your arm as you retrieve your car keys from the purse. 
“Oh god, he’s so cute, damn. Seems like someone was eager to see you.” 
Your heart drops at the sight of the blonde man that leans against your car, crimson eyes fixed on you.
“You’re so lucky. My boyfriend never comes to pick me up.” she whines before finally saying a distracted goodbye, throwing adoration filled glances at Bakugo when she walks away. 
For a moment, you consider leaving your car in the open parking-lot. You could take the bus to your friend’s apartment. It would be no big deal, only half an hour before reaching her place. 
But the impassive expression on your boyfriend’s face warns you not to ignore him and you don’t doubt Bakugo’s ability to cause a overly explosive scene right in front of your workplace. 
Your legs walk on their own towards him and he straightens up, pushing himself off the hood as he walks to you, meeting you half-way, far too close for your comfort.
He’s wearing civilian clothes, you notice. They make his firm muscles bulge from beneath the thin material, the veins in his arms popping out with his hands hidden in the pant’s pockets, as always.  
“What do you want?” 
“Can we talk?” he asks.
“Talk then.” 
Irritation seeps into Bakugo’s face. He’s never had much patience. 
“We can talk in your car. The keys.” 
Despite his stretched hand, you don’t deposit the keys in his palm. It’s your car. It’s your life. You have to fight for it. 
“Y/n.”
You take a step back, shaking your head. 
“If you wanna talk, then we can talk here. Out in the open.” 
The corner of his mouth twitches with ire, and it compels you to take another tiny step away from him. 
“Will you stop fucking stepping away from me?” his voice booms loudly through the empty parking lot, eliciting a wince from you. “Quit acting like I’m gonna beat you to a bloody pulp or somethin’. I’m just trying to take you back home, you idiot.” 
“But I’m not going back.”
“You are.”
You clench your teeth, hoping it would help ease out the incoming flow of angry tears that threatens to spill at any moment now. 
“I said. I’m not going back.” 
Bakugo ignores your words, losing his patience upon your refusal. 
“Like hell you aren’t. I’ve had enough of this stupid attitude of yours.”
His hand latches to your wrist, holding it in a bruising grip, tight enough for you to feel the bones in your hands being painfully compressed together. 
“Ah, Katsuki, you’re hurting me!” you cry out, attempting to release his grip by using your free hand.
But your fingers are far too weak to pull him away and he groans when your nails scratch him. It makes him grip your hand harder and you sob, body limpless following forward when Bakugo tugs you in his direction. 
You bump into his hard chest, head sharply pulled back with his callous hand enveloping the back of your neck, his large palm easily covering all of it.
The tall hero doesn’t even bother looking around, unafraid of the possibility of someone walking by. Bakugo’s never been one to be overzealous, much less now that the position on Pro Hero Number 2 belongs to him. 
“You’ve had your fun these past days. But it’s over now, y’hear me?” the tips of his fingers dig into your neck, and you’re barely able to hold his threatening gaze, already knowing that you’re not coming out on top of this.
“You’re coming back home with me. No fuckin' fuss, no complaining, and that’s final. Like hell I’m gonna let you get away from me, so you better start fixing that attitude.”  
He squeezes your neck, looking at you with deadly eyes. 
“You hear me? Brat.” 
He keeps his hand on the back of your neck when guiding you to your own car, unceremoniously pushing you to the passenger’s seat before claiming the steering wheel for himself. 
A few tears escape from your eyes and you turn your face to the window, ignoring the sharp looks Bakugo throws your way.
You hug yourself, all of your hope dissolving at the realization that you’re never truly gonna be free from him. 
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vodkatales · 2 years
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How can we be allowed to feel so much for people who don't feel anything for us?
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sweetestbaby · 6 months
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by the way just letting you girls know that if we're mutuals you can always just address me as if we're friends bc i am literally that girl in the bathroom of the club fixing other girls' makeups and their hair and telling them to stop crying over a boy and kiss a girl instead. so what i mean is, i'm approachable
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I was manipulated into starting a new language today (manipulated = it was a light suggestion)
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k3r0deku · 2 months
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kacchan: why did you want me to play this
deku: it’s a fun game! i really thought you’d like it, video games can be so relaxing if you— FUCK YOU, DIE, DIE, DIE!! KNOCKED HIM. thought you could kill me, bitch? NAH. i’ll drop you in your fucking GRAVE before your slow ass even knew i was there. probably thought you were good, huh? kacchan, come here, i want to play catch with his body until his sorry excuse of a teammate shows up
kacchan:
kacchan: i raised him right :,)
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{Chelsea Dingman, from "Psychogeography," published in The Los Angeles Review/ Anne Sexton/ Karen Russell, St. Lucy's Home for Girls - Raised by Wolves/ Abraham Verghese/ Naguib Mahfouz/ Clementine von Radics, Poem: Courtney Love Prays to Oregon/ Aleksandar Hemon, The Lazarus Project/ Fatimah Asghar, from "How'd Your Parents Die Again?" published in The New York Times Magazine/ John Murillo, Poem: Mercy, Mercy, Me}
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poofbark · 5 months
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the children yearn for bkdk yuri
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mirandimoo · 1 year
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bakugo finally gets up the courage to ask deku out and toxic all might stan izuku midoriya is like “awww kacchan!! i really like you too! unfortunately though all might never got married so i can’t either sorry :)”
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