#the storyline that shall not be named | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

081314 · 2 months

Text

Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss – Chapter 7 (Part 1)

Following is part 1 of my translation of Chapter 7 of Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss. This part contains Episode 7-101 to 7-106

Main storyline spoilers after the cut.

Episode 7-101

Silver: Y-You’re…!

Idia: Can’t start a boss raid without a tank, and now we’re all set to go. The opening act’s DONEZO. Time for the main event! Heehee!

Sebek: J-Just what on earth is going on here!? Have we awakened from the dream?

Idia: Nah, we're still in the dream, sorry. Well, it's not really a dream. It's just a magic domain that Malleus-Shi created. I mean, just look at that armor you're wearing, dude. No way you can take that into the real world with you. 'Cause it's not really real, it's just, like, "info".

Silver: W-Wait, how do you know all this? Do you remember what happened before we fell asleep?

Idia: Uhh, it's not that I remembered everything. It's just I got a good handle on what's going on, I guess you could say.

Yuu: What do you mean?

Idia: H-Hold your horses, I'll explain later. But first… uhmm.. Ahh… I haven't really ever talked to you guys, right? Name's Idia Shroud, I'm the dormwarden over at Ignihyde.

Sebek: Ah, that's it! I was wondering why you seemed so familiar. Now I remember, you are indeed Ignihyde's warden! You appeared in that strange, plank-like form at my orientation, and I dare say this is the first time we've ever properly met.

Idia: R-Right. I just remoted into your guys' orientation on my tablet.

Sebek: And I am Sebek Zigvolt of Diasomnia! A first year of Class D, student number 33! This dullard here is my dormmate, Silver! He is a second year!

Idia: G-geez he sounds like a friggin' air horn!! Feels like my eardrums are about to explode. Hard to believe Malleus-shi's ears aren't totally busted from having to listen to that all the time...

Silver: My apologies, Idia Senpai. We'll try to keep it down. Anyways, I don't think you have to worry about your eardrums, since we're inside a dream and all, but… Ah, that's right! Everyone, stay alert!! Idia Senpai, Grim, Yuu, get behind us!

Idia: Wait, wot? Why? AUGH! Ow ow ow! I'm getting squeezed to death in a meathead-and-armor sandwich!!

Grim: Huh? What's goin' on, Silver?

Silver: Now that Idia Senpai's awake, it's only a matter of time before the Darkness appears and tries to lull him into a deeper sleep.

Grim: Crap, yer right! An' ya know what else… I bet Malleus is gonna pop up any second now and go into his stupid "HaVe yOu aWaKeNeD!?" spiel!

Sebek: The Darkness aside, I fear without Sir Lilia's aide our odds against Lord Malleus are… Nay, that matters not! Be it the Darkness or the Young Lord, we shall defeat whatever stands in our path!

Idia: Ohmigod I'm gonna die… I can't… breathe…!

???: So sorry to rain on your guys' parade, but… There's no need to worry about Malleus Draconia-san or that wiggly black stuff right now. It's likely Malleus-san is currently engaged with pouring his "resources" into keeping Lilia Vanrouge-san asleep.

Grim: Hey, that sounds like Ortho! Boy am I glad you're here, I thought we mighta lost ya back in the dream corridor. Where are you, anyway?

Ortho: Teehee, sorry for all the worry. Unfortunately, I'm unable to join you guys in big brother's dream without it causing some major problems, so we'll just have to talk through this monitor feed for now. Sorry. Anyways… My big brother appears to be suffering from oxygen deficiency judging by the pallor of his face, so could you please give him some space?

Silver: Ack, I'm so sorry!

Idia: *gasps for breathe* Uwaaaah!!! A-Another second and I was about to get yeeted into the Underworld… T-Thanks, Ortho.

Sebek: Oi, what was all that gibberish about Lord Malleus pouring "resources" into Sir Lilia?

Idia: Yeah, yeah, we're getting there. Ortho, could ya give 'em a recap?

Ortho: Roger that, big brother! I guess I'll start with how me and big brother know this is all just a dream… So on the day of Lilia-san's going away party, Malleus-san cast a spell that put all of Sage's Island to sleep… Or better said, he froze all of spacetime here. But by transforming into data and utilizing a connection I established with a communication satellite, I was able to escape.

Everyone: Communication satellite!?

Grim: The heck were ya able to do that!?

Ortho: Hehehe, it's because I'm unique! I may not be able to develop a Unique Magic, since I'm not a mage… But I was able to transmit my consciousness and my soul to a communication satellite using radio waves, and I then transferred myself into a different body. And that's something only I can do, ya know?

Sebek: I am loathe to admit it… But the technical advances that humans have brought forth truly are astounding.

Silver: Right. You and me could train and train, but we'll never be able to do what Ortho just did. He truly is unique.

Ortho: Hehheh, I'd love to hear you guys compliment me some more… But I'll get back to the story. Once I made it to Styx, I got my hands on a brand new gear.

Sebek: Styx…. 'Tis the organization that administrates the Isle of Lament, as I recall Sir Lilia explaining to us before.

Ortho: Correct. And then I worked together with Styx to infiltrate the island, so we could analyze Malleus-san's Unique Magic… Fae of Maleficence.

Episode 7-102

(A little while after Ortho and the KB-RS units departed for Sage's Island)

Ortho: This is Ortho reporting. I have reached the aerial perimeter of Sage's Island together with KB-RS01 and 02. We are now en route to the penetration point. The island's still pretty far away, but my magical energy and blot concentration sensors are going crazy. This is just like when the gates to the Underworld opened up… No, it'll be okay. I've got this new gear mom made for me, and the KB-RS units are here with me, too.

KB-RS01 / 02: Grrrr…. Woof woof!!

Ortho: This is Ortho reporting. We have reached the penetration point. Now making final preparations for descent.

Chief: Roger that. Good luck!

Ortho: Now deploying magical barrier infiltration mode. Activating counter-spell barrier. KB-RS units, deploy slicer modules and activate your ethereal slicers! Now initiating operation "Infiltrate Sage's Island"!

Ortho: Dammit, looks like this isn't going to be easy… KB-RS units! Keep on the attack!

Chief: We need to cover for Ortho. All battleships, aim your magical cannons at the barrier!

Operator A: All magical cannons are at full output! Firing in five seconds…. 3…2…1!

Chief: Fire!!

Ortho: The vines are all gathering together in that one spot to protect the island!! Looks like we should be able to get in over there, where the vines aren't so concentrated. Let's go, KB-RS units! Ethereal slicers at maximum output! We're gonna cut our way in!!

Operator A: Ortho has successfully infiltrated the barrier.

Head Engineer: …That takes care of the first hurdle. The next problem will be getting him out of there. He's only got twenty minutes before that gear loses power.

Chief: Right. Let's make sure we're prepared for whatever happens. Hurry up and get those cannons reloaded!

Staff Members: Yes, Sir!

Head Engineer: Come back safe and sound, you hear… Or-kun!!!

Episode 7-103

Ortho: ….We did it! We're inside the domain! And thanks to my counter-spell barrier, the spacetime aberrations here aren't affecting me at all.

(Time until loss of power: 20:00)

Ortho: Deploying analysis anchors!! Now running analysis! Woah, this magic is super complex… It'll take a good 17 minutes just to analyze the spell's formulation and save all this data. We'll be cutting it close, but we can make it. Just have to keep the anchors safe until the analysis is done….

(Purple lightning strikes)

???: My, my… And I was wondering just what slipped into my domain.

(Malleus appears in a column of green fire)

Malleus: Let's see here, you're… You look awfully different, but you're Little Shroud, correct?

Ortho: Malleus Draconia-san…!!! You're… So you really did overblot.

KB-RS01: Grrrr!!!

Malleus: Shouldn't you be fast asleep back at Diasomnia?

Ortho: Heh, sorry about that. But that body in the dorm lounge is nothing but a tin can now. I was able to use the wireless network to escape. Thing is, I'm an autonomous AI constructed from data, so I-… Actually, you probably won't understand even if I explain it, huh.

Malleus: In other words, you slipped out of your body, like a ghost, and found yourself a new vessel… Is that right?

Ortho: Oh, wow! That's a very fae-ish way of interpreting data transfer! But yeah, you got it. As long as there's radio waves available, I can go pretty much anywhere. …Even to the furthest reaches of space! I saw you used your magic to block off the submarine cables, but you never even thought about the satellites, didja? Magic is the power of imagination. And you can't bring to life or fight against something you don't understand. And that's exactly what I am - I'm not made out of quantum particles our spiritual energy or anything like that, I'm data. You seriously need to consider upping your security protocols! Personally, I recommend implementing UTM within your barrier.

Malleus: You-tee-em? What in the world is that supposed to stand for, I wonder.

Ortho: What the- You don't even know what that is, either? Geez. See, this is exactly why you got outwitted by your Kouhai like this. Doesn't matter if you're one of the top give mages in the world, or how ancient this spell is… You're no big deal. You'll never be able to put me to sleep with your magic!

Malleus: Heh, I see… In that case… I'll just have to smash you to pieces then, you little automaton.

Ortho: Go ahead and try! You'll see just how strong Styx… Just how strong the most advanced human technology in the world is!

Ortho (thinking): Malleus-san doesn't appear to view the analysis anchors as a threat. There's thirteen minutes left until they'll be ready… I need to buy us some time!

Malleus: My sincerest apologies, but uninvited guests really aren't welcome here. I'll be escorting you out now.

Episode 7-104

Malleus: You have my praise, it's quite astounding you've been able to maintain your sanity within my domain for this long. However… Is this really supposed to be the pinnacle of human invention? How pathetic! You haven't managed to lay even a finger on me this whole time. Fufufu…. Ahahhaha!

Ortho (thinking): Damnit! It's like everything in the domain is bending to Malleus-san's will. I don't think our attacks are even hitting him, let alone having any effect. It's like he's got this whole place in the palm of his hand…!

Malleus: Now then, let us cease with these childish games.

(Malleus explodes one of the KB-RS units)

Ortho: 01!!

Ortho (thinking): There's only 30 seconds left until the analysis is complete… Come on, we're almost there!!

Malleus: My, you look awfully pale. Do even machines feel fear? It's alright, I'll ensure you won't feel a thing when I shatter you.

Ortho (thinking): 20 seconds left… Please, hurry up, anchors! Hurry!!

Malleus: Sweet dreams, Little Shroud.

Ortho (thinking): I failed… I'm so sorry, mom and dad!

(Malleus freezes for a second and then looks confused)

Malleus: !!!

Ortho: !?

Malleus: Tsch, I missed.

Ortho (thinking): What… just happened? It's like he froze for a second there. Kind of like when a CPU overloads and gets a processing failure.

(an alarm beeps)

Analysis Anchor: Analysis complete. Data has been saved to the crypto memory core.

Ortho: 02! Get all the anchors and retreat! NOW!!

KB-RS02: Grrrr!!

Malleus: How bothersome. You're nothing more than a fly buzzing around my face…Away with you!

(Malleus explodes the other unit)

Ortho: 02! Argh… But thanks to 02 distracting him, the anchors are safe. All I have to do now is get them out of here…!

(The ground starts to shake)

Malleus: …What is it now? You fools just don't know when to stop!

Ortho: This is…!

Episode 7-105

Operator B: KB-RS01 and 02 are down! 45 seconds until Ortho loses power!

Head Engineer: …He still has enough time and power to escape the domain. Don't give up!! All autopilot Charon units, activate Termination Mode! Do whatever it takes to get Ortho out of there!

Chief: All battle ships, concentrate power into the magical cannons! Raise the output and don't stop firing!!

Technician: W-We've already reached maximum output! If we go any higher, the generators are going to get fried!

Chief: I don't care! As long as we can give him some time, even ten seconds or three seconds, it doesn't matter. We just need to have Malleus concentrate on defending the barrier! Now take aim and fiiiiiire! Fire, fire fire!

Ortho: It's Styx! They're giving me backup! Now's my chance! Magical slicer, full buuurst!

Malleus: …What!?

Ortho: Uooooooo!!

Chief: Cease cannon fire! All ships, prepare for Malleus's counterstrike and activate your invisible shields!

Operator A: …Ortho has now exceeded his power limit. System down, we don't have a signal!

Chief: …No!!

Head Engineer: Or-kun…!

(An alarm blares)

Operator A: We're receiving a transmission from the Charon Tetra Unit!

Charon: This is Tetra Unit reporting! We've discovered Ortho's body floating in the water around the domain! His body is very badly damaged, but his core is unharmed. We've also recovered all the analysis anchors from the water. We're now en route back to HQ.

Everyone: We did it!! Hooraaaaay!!

(Mr. and Mrs. Shroud hug and fall to the floor in relief)

Chief / Head Engineer: Haaaahhh….

Head Engineer: Good grief... I've said this before and I'll say it again, but even if I had a hundred hearts those boys would still leave me frazzled at the end of the day….

Chief: You know what? I gotta agree with you there, sweetheart….

Malleus: …Tsch. Damn those cunning little humans… No, it matters not. They can come back as many times as they like, be it a hundred times, a thousand times, and it will always end the same… I will remove any and all uninvited guests.

Episode 7-106

Ortho: Huh? Where am I…?

Head Engineer: You awake, Or-kun?

Ortho: Mom… Dad… I…

Head Engineer: Your Cerberus Gear was heavily damaged. All we managed to recover was your core and some of the surrounding parts around it. We lost both KB-RS units in the domain.

Ortho: I see… I wanted the three of us to make it back home together…

Head Engineer: They were good boys, huh. Listen, once we get rid of that domain, I'm sure we'll be able to recover their parts. And then mama will fix them up good as new.

Ortho: I'm so sorry, I know how hard you worked on them…

Head Engineer: What are you apologizing for!! All that matters is you're safe and sound. Welcome home, Or-kun.

Chief: Welcome home, Ortho. I'm so glad you made it back safely.

Ortho: Yeah, I'm glad to be home, too.

(The Shroud family hugs each other)

Ortho: Wait, I almost forgot! What about the anchors!?

Chief: They've all been recovered safely, you guys did an excellent job. Sytx's data processing department is firing all cylinders trying to analyze everything. There's multiple, complex layers of magic comprising Malleu's domain. The way it's interwoven, it reminds me of Test Subject F… Sorry, of the ancient spell that Grim has on him. Thanks to Briar Valley's assistance, we've at least been able to ascertain how the domain is constructed.

Ortho: Already!? That's great news!

Chief: Unfortunately, it's just the opposite.

Ortho: Wait, what do you mean?

Chief: We've determined that if Malleus Draconia himself does not break his spell voluntary, or if he is not eliminated, then we only have a 0.2% chance of destroying the domain from the outside.

Ortho: No…!

Head Engineer: Everything in that domain, even the laws of reality, is under Malleus's control. We could fire the most powerful magical cannons in the world at that barrier and fight our way inside, but as soon as you're in, you're powerless. We could maybe beat him if we take about 100,000 Cerberus Gear units with us…

Ortho: We probably wouldn't even need to fight him if we had that many units. He'd be too stunned to even move…

Head Engineer: Sounds like a good idea, right? But by the time I finish making that many auto-pilot units, his domain will have likely enveloped the whole world by then.

Chief: We have a couple of other concerns, as well. The minds of all those people asleep on Sage's Island, they're all trapped within Malleus's magical barrier. And according to our analyses, we've discovered they're all currently "dreaming".

Ortho: Dreaming…? You mean the illusionary phenomenon humans experience when in REM sleep?

Head Engineer: Correct. His magic is tricking them into believing that what they're seeing in those dreams is real. It almost works like the Lethe River system, in a way. So if we go in guns a-blazing and try to destroy the barrier, we just might end up destroying everyone's minds along with it.

Ortho: I get it… It's like the domain is one huge server. And that means… Pretty much our only option is to try and convince Malleus-san to bring down the domain himself and let everybody go.

Part 2

Part 3

#twst spoilers #twst #twisted wonderland #twst jp #malleus draconia #idia shroud #twst silver #sebek zigvolt #ortho shroud #the ruler of the abyss #twst book 7

422 notes · View notes

targaryenluvs · 5 months

Text

Infatuation

pairing: simon basset x fem!reader

warnings: darkish simon? a kiss, young reader (16ish!!) pushy and possessive simon, implied fem!reader and poc!reader, not proof read

notes: idk what to do so i just rambled 😭 this is just a two parter i think. and the storyline is a bit scrambled :) WHAT THE HELL IDK WHY I GOT SO MUCH ENERGY TO WRITE THIS BUT HERES ALL THE PARTS IN ONE DAY!!!! hope you enjoyed <3

PART I

Lady Whistledown: Dearest reader, the time has come to place our bets for the upcoming social season. Consider the household of the Baron Featherington. Three misses foisted upon the marriage market like sorrowful sows by their tasteless, tactless, mama.

Far better odds might exist in the household of the widowed Viscountess Bridgerton. A shockingly prolific family, noted for its bounty of perfectly handsome sons and perfectly beautiful daughters.

Or perhaps in the loving household of the Marquess of Anderton, Lord and Lady Y/L/N? With their two eldest sons, known not only for their intelligent selves and gorgeous faces, but for their stunningly bright younger sister, who is not just a pretty face.

Not only are the two families extremely close, but practically family, how very perfect, indeed!

It is only the queen's eye that matters today. A glimmer of displeasure, and a young lady's value plummets to unthinkable depths.

It has been said that, “Of all bitches dead or alive, a scribbling woman is the most canine." If that should be true, then this author would like to show you her teeth.

My name is Lady Whistledown.

You do not know me, and rest assured, you never shall. But be forewarned, dear reader, I certainly know you.

how on earth had you not yet read this?

one of the things you’d looked forward to besides meeting everyone had been the scandal sheets and you’d missed out on receiving one yesterday.

“this woman seems quite powerful. you know how easily words can ruin someone’s image. it’s interesting to see a lone woman hold so much sway in just her writing. i truly do wonder who she is. any guesses?” you asked pen, daphne and el as the three of you waited for your mothers and pens sisters to catch up as you made your way to the park.

eloise smiled, “it has to be a widow! no married woman would have time for this, she’d have an estate to care for and children pulling on her every day. a widow with her own home and responsibilities. perhaps lady danbury?”

you had to giggle at the guess, knowing whistledown herself was right with you. you’d managed to meet penelope at least, so that was one person of your list. lady danbury would be next with her ball tonight, and perhaps simon as well.

“what’s so funny? i haven’t heard a guess from you!” eloise groaned as you smiled, “i have no guesses besides, pen?” penelope’s head shot up straight away from the ground, “what?” “i was going to ask if you had any.” you could see her cheeks flushing, and her breathing quicken at the idea of being caught out.

and as you all walked together through the park, you’d mistakenly enthralled yourself in conversations, going so far as to walk with your back facing others. walking backwards as to face the girls.

“look out!”

before you’d fallen you were caught, by simon.

“i, i am so sorry. i was not looking-” simon smiled, “well that’s obvious no?” he joked as he lifted you up. you straightened your dress out and smiled, “of course. forgive me your grace.” you curtsied, in the presence of the person you’d been most excited to meet, you’d forgotten all about your friends behind.

as they all met him you couldn’t even take your eyes off of him, and neither could he for you. and once lady featherington came around she wasted no time to throw her eldest daughters upon him. the misery in his eyes hurt your soul so you took it upon yourself to rectify the situation.

“your grace!” simon turned towards you, as did everyone else. “yes, lady y/n?” you smiled, “would you like to accompany me, to promenade?” simon tilted his head, pondering your question.

he couldn’t help but be taken aback, usually many girls weren’t so forward. and god were you beautiful. rather than dealing with annoying girls who wanted a title the second they saw him, he could walk with someone he actually found interesting.

“i- would love to.” he smiled as he took a step back, allowing you to walk with him. you could hear the chatter from the girls behind you as well as your mother and violet.

you’d spent so long together, walked for so long your feet ached afterwards. and you didn’t miss the longing stares from other men around, and the women for him.

and even if it had taken so much energy of yours to keep walking, you wouldn’t have given up the chance. everything he said, you replied to. every joke sent laughter rippling through you and you could not help but feel content. he was, even better then the show. and as you got to know him you felt unbelievably happy.

and so did he.

he went home with all his thoughts containing you. he found himself smiling at every memory of his time with you that day. your smiles, your laughter, your beauty, you. and he had no clue why. he’d never been this taken with someone and he found himself struggling with why.

over the season you found yourself taken with him, your family allowed you to attend balls and do as you wish but you were under no obligation to dance or do anything you did not wish to.

yet you found yourself undeniably enthusiastic every time you realised you were going to a ball because you’d see simon. you’d dance, you’d laugh and everything else because he always gave you something to look forwards to, as did you for him, he was truly an amazing friend.

and he was completely besotted with you.

much to not only anthony’s surprise but danbury as well.

and simon was so intent upon being with you.

as much as you liked him you could not help but love how you were. your family was amazing and so happy. you had amazing friends within daphne, penelope and eloise. marriage seemed so far away in your mind and your life was sweet and favourable.

lady trowbridge’s ball was, scandalous, to say the least. you couldn’t believe your eyes when you walked in, half naked dancers spinning around, and quite uptempo music for a woman in mourning.

“lady y/n, may i-” lord wellington was promptly cut off in his endeavour to dance with you by the person you’d been looking for.

“y/n?” simon called out as he made his way to you. “simon! there you are, i was wondering where you’d gone off to.” you smiled at your bestfriend as he made his way to you, nodding in acknowledgement to his friend lord wellington. you thought they were friends at least.

and so did simon, until he saw him coming after you for a dance.

“come along now.” he smiled as you also nodded at the lord, “it was nice to see you my lord.” you curtsied as simon dragged you away.

“oh my god, i thought he would never leave! he tries to dance with me every single ball yet he doesn’t take notice of my indifference towards him!” you snorted as simon laughed louder, “i did not know such an unbecoming sound could originate from such a lovely women!” you scoffed, “that is no way to talk to your best friend!” you fake cried as you wiped literal tears from your eyes, the paintings in-front taking your eye.

simons breath hitched, best friend? best friend?

is that what you thought of him as? he thought the world of you, over the time he’s gotten to know you, he held you in the highest esteem. you were everything to him and he was a mere friend for you. no, he would not have it. who else loved you as he did? wanted you as he did?

“best friend?” simon questioned as your laughter died down at his seriousness, “what?” you giggled as you tried to compose yourself. “you named me your best friend. am i nothing more to you? just a friend? you see me as an acquaintance, as a brother?”

“no i do not see you as a brother, my dear simon.” you smiled, “you are amazing. every day i wake and think of seeing you, for the time i have known you, you have been nothing short of my favourite person. i look forward to seeing you, speaking with you and dancing. arguing over who’s literature is better, who’s right and who’s wrong. i have never known someone’s company besides daphnes to never annoy me. i love you, i do but-”

“but nothing. we love each other, that is all that matters. y/n not a day goes by where i do not wish to be in your presence, to see your gorgeous face. to hear you say my name, to feel you hit me when i say something utterly scandalous. i cannot and will not imagine myself spending my life with no other women but you. you are my other half, you are the air i breathe and the only person whom i’ve ever loved as much as i do. there are not enough words to describe my love for you y/n/n. it is you who i wish to wake up with everyday, it is you who i wish to be with, you who i would start a family with. your laughter that shall echo through my halls for as long as we live. i cannot and will not fathom the idea of you not being here for me, you are made for me.” simons grip encircled your wrists as he pulled you close, his face drawing near as he met your lips.

you never imagined yourself here with simon especially. he’d been nothing short of amazing in your time here, your best friend. but here you were, kissing him.

kissing him?!

you immediately detached from him as you retained your senses and drew your hands to cover your face in shock. “i’m so- so sorry. i do not know what that was your grace.” you rambled as your heart quickened, had someone seen? how could you be so stupid!?

his eyes furrowed at your words, your grace? what was with the formalities, you were to be wed, to be together. and here you were reverting to old habits. “my love there is no need to use such proper titles.”

your head whipped up the second he stopped speaking, “simon do not say such things! endearing terms as such are for, married couples. we are not.” you whispered as you made your way towards the party, but not before he grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him as you collided with his chest.

he couldn’t let you go, everything, his head and his heart were screeching at him to ‘hold on tight’, to not let you go. so he did what he thought best,

lie.

“someone saw us.”

your eyes widened to the heavens as your breathing quickened again, “no. no they didn’t- they didn’t.” you shook your head as he placed his hand on your cheek to have you look at him. your eyes began to water and he felt himself tense, he hated it. he hated the idea of you being upset, but he was so close to having what he wanted so he continued.

“my dear y/n, i will treat you better then anyone ever could, deep down you know you are better off with me then any other. i love you, we will be together.” simon explained as you buried your head in his chest, you were so young, you hadn’t even properly debuted and now you were to be wed. how did you let this happen?

but a little voice piped up in your head, ‘it’s simon, your simon. the one who is always there for you. marrying him will give you a life of happiness and peace. marrying your best friend is the best thing you could ask for. you loved him when you didn’t know him truly, and now you do. be happy.’

and you wanted to be, simon was so good to you.

but you knew you weren’t ready. with marriage people would expect a child, a family. and your real life, the one back home? what would happen? would you ever go back? or would marrying him cement you in this world, forever.

“shh, you’ll be okay. i’m here, right here my love. you are my love, my heart, my infatuation.”

and you didn’t know it but you were right, the second you allowed him into your life, you were never going to go back home.

#simon basset x reader #benedict bridgerton x reader #bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton x reader #daphne bridgerton #dark!simon basset x reader #simon hastings x reader #simon basset x fem!reader #bridgerton x fem!reader

462 notes · View notes

oh-yeah-i-exist · 4 months

Text

Aeterna Amantes

"Lovers, forever."

Redeemed Dark Urge and Unascended Astarion can still be badass when they want to be 😌 why let all the cool gear they looted go to waste??

*SPOILERS WARNING*

This is very much a work in-progress BUT I have NOT been able to get Durge Tav x Astarion out of my mind. I have done multiple playthroughs as the Dark Urge (my Tav's name is Eiji/Evie) because I just find the storyline so compelling and there are many little details in the game for me to explore. Some folks are theorizing that if Durge chooses to define Bhaal and gets reborn by Withers, they receive a fragment of Withers' divine powers. Plus, Withers said it himself that "Death shall not claim thee whilst I persist" or something along those lines, which could possibly mean Durge is now immortal.

Some other tidbits that support that theory include:

In the Murder Tribunal, if my Tav chooses to become one of Bhaal's Unholy Assassins, she can talk to the ghosts of Bhaal's fallen servants. One of them, Illasera, tells her that Bhaal created her from "a place beyond mortality." So it is quite possible that Durge was already immortal/gifted with extreme longevity to begin with.

In the epilogue, when Durge talks to Astarion, he will eventually end the convo by telling them to go spend time with the other companions because he and Durge have forever together anyways.

I have already constructed several elaborate headcanons about how Durge will spend the rest of eternity with (unascended) Astarion. They both deserve peace after redeeming themselves, and they would make such a cool couple of anti-heroes. Protectors of the Underdark, leaders of an army of vampire spawn. They provide safe passage for the lost and the down-trodden, especially those who seek second chances, and will not hesitate to throw hands with hero-wannabes who think they can make a name for themselves by slaying "the Vampire Lord" or "the Fallen Bhaalspawn."

257 notes · View notes

risetherivermoon · 1 year

Text

"canon this" "canon that" stfu the marauders fandom doesn't have a canon, the storyline that the bigot who shall not be named wrote is shit make your own canon, canon is whatever you want it to be

930 notes · View notes

fantastic-nonsense · 5 months

Note

I have a fun [citation needed] hypothetical for you. Say you have been granted the authority to make FIVE editorial directives for DC comics that will be followed for at least the next five years. What are you demanding?

No company events.

No major events with ten thousand tie-in comics.

No big crossover events.

No big gimmick events.

No event comics.

Okay, I kid, but only slightly. I'm actually going cheat slightly and give you five plus an extra one that needs a bit more explanation:

No company-wide crossover events or gimmick events that derail major ongoing stories in individual books shall be made. If an event comic is published, any tie-ins will be published separately from the character's ongoing/mini (for reference: like the Blackest Night tie-in specials).

Institute a lore consistency team within the Archives department. Mandate that every single creative team MUST read and utilize a character/story bible before writing any scripts. The scripts will be looked over by a member of the lore team as well as the book editor before being approved for publication.

The Young Justice generation is finally allowed to grow up and, where necessary, get new hero names. In particular, Tim Drake finally gets to age and stop being Robin. He picks 'Blackbird' as his new name, gets a cool new red-and-black costume, and stars in a rebooted Young Justice book alongside his friends.

Barbara Gordon has to formally retire from the Batgirl role and become Oracle full time again. This is handled in a way that is respectful of her character and her disability. Cassandra Cain will be Batgirl full-time again while Stephanie Brown goes back to Spoiler; Cass gets a Batgirl solo ongoing while Steph would join a rebooted Gotham Knights team book that includes her, Kate, Helena, Luke Fox, and Jean-Paul Valley.

Wonder Woman's established lore is acknowledged, respected, and re-emphasized. Diana is a clay baby again, Cassie is Zeus's daughter again, The Return of Donna Troy is acknowledged as the definitive explanation of Donna's multiple-choice backstory (while the fire origin stays the definitive origin), Artemis gets her original origin back, etc. Full acceptance of the Rucka Rebirth retcon to reset Diana's origins and childhood back to the post-Crisis status quo. No references to the Zeus origin or the New 52 Amazons are allowed to be made except in context of Rucka's "it was a lie" explanation.

In priority order, those editorial mandates probably fall out to be something like 2>1>5>3 and 4 in a tie; 3 and 4 are kinda interchangable since they collectively would fix a wide swath of what's wrong with the Bat books right now.

My "extra" mandate would be that writers must utilize existing characters where possible for their stories. No new "major" heroes are to be introduced unless a writer can prove that a book needs a new character to fill an identified gap. Prioritization should go to a) characters who used to be used on a regular basis in a given book but have not been seen in 10+ years and b) characters introduced within the past 5-7 years.

I'd want this one for two reasons: one, there's a ton of pre-existing characters who used to be staple or regularly recurring characters who have failed to get regular appearances since 2011, for a variety of reasons. Forcing writers to use them instead of creating new characters would allow DC to rebuild some continuity, bring back old favorites, and provide closure to lingering storylines that were cut short or never followed up on. Two, there's a hell of a lot of new characters have been introduced and discarded without actually building them out properly the last few years. I would honestly only put this one in place for around 3 years...long enough to force DC to actually flesh out the underutilized newbies and provide some closure and new beginnings for some old favorites.

#asks #dc meta #dc comics #wonder woman #batman #batfam #diana of themiscyra #barbara gordon #tim drake #cassandra cain #young justice

176 notes · View notes

mtkay13 · 2 months

Text

The peach blossoms are blooming

Lol @the fancy title, haha. Yesterday I promised "two hoboxu's today!" but I'm an inconsistant liar so the second is today and not yesterday, HAH.

Anyway, another painting of my very beloved; more about this piece below!

So aside of the obvious joke, what I really wanted to work on and represent on this picture is, as the title makes it clearer, grief, and what it looks like for ZZS.

The idea came from imagining ZZS setting off, happy with his disguise, and passing by a peach tree orchards and seeing all the peach blossoms blooming, and what it would entail.

...So let's talk about what TYK is about again, shall we?

(usual caveat: those are my thoughts and interpretations etc etc)

Little is known of the four years that separate the end of QY and the beginning of TYK. Even less is obviously stated when it comes to the reasons why ZZS has put in the nails, besides the obvious "requirement to leave Tian Chuang" part.

So, trying to leave all headcanons and other suppositions aside, and looking at what the text gives us, one of the main "storylines" of ZZS' personal journey across both books seems to be: dealing with the loss of LJX, first of their relationship, and later, of LJX entirely.

>I'm going to boldly announce that (I think) TYK is in great parts a story about getting over grief, or rather, properly living with grief.

Needless to say that it is clear that ZZS has a bunch of issues he's dealing with, including "the void after meeting your goals; what's next?" and some form of burnout from completely over-exerting himself and going way beyond what he thought he could sustain mentally; but also. Four years after he lost LJX, ZZS is still deeply grieving. Still seeing him in crowds, still thinking about him frequently, still hallucinating him, dreaming of him. He couldn't resist taking in ZCL because ZCL reminded him of LJX. Nearly every single thought of his own past ends up rooting back to LJX.

The first time he mentions LJX's name out loud in TYK, chapter 41, is the first time he mentions it at all in four years, and to quote the text:

Speaking out his name hadn't been that big of a deal, in the end; it had only felt like something had been pulled out of his chest—like he was now missing a piece, like it left behind an empty void.

(TYK ch41, TL by me)

The next scene is when it hits ZZS that he's going to die; from that moment on, ZZS starts feeling stupid, ZZS slowly starts wanting to find a solution, influenced by WKX... and the story culminates with ZZS making the opposite decision that he made in QY: instead of risking never seeing WKX alive again, and against WKX's decision, he goes to meet him, unlike LJX whom he was too scared to go meet, and lost forever without even saying goodbye.

>I think that ZZS essentially took the nails because he couldn't manage to live with that grief, basically. (I know, I KNOW there are other reasons, but for the sake of analyzing this theme, I find interesting to look at it from this angle; how the narrative shifts towards ZZS putting in the efforts to stay alive at the exact same times he starts letting go of LJX literally.) And then, as he learns, as he rediscovers life differently, the story becomes about getting free from the nails, about actially living with that grief rather than dying because of it.

*coughs* so, hum, yes. This is what I wanted to represent. What grief looks like, at this stage of melancholic, happy, self-deprecating acceptance of freedom through death—freedom of the burden of grief and guilt. It's a bittersweet feeling, but the way I see it, he smiles out of what he thinks is inner peace, resignation, and once again, self-deprecation.

I would go even deeper, in that ZZS' relationship to death with regards to LJX is quite complex and difficult, given how he was told by LJX himself that he ought to die for what he's done (or misunderstood LJX saying so), but that's a whole other can of worms and I don't have the brain juice to go there again (since it wouldn't even be the first time iirc). SO YEAH, again, grief, but ZZS style: turned into a bit of a melancholic, silly, but gentle joke, and with a smile on the face. On brand with TYK as well.

Cheers!

#tian ya ke #zhou zishu #liang jiuxiao #tyk #zzs #meta #qi ye

127 notes · View notes

loth-creatures · 7 months

Text

Skoll and Hati shall be joining the Wolfwalkers

Lothwolfwalkers AU Masterpost

Listen I like these two a lot and they are literally named after mythological wolves, I can’t not add them! That being said, I am still largely disregarding the Ahsoka series for the storyline. Already got my own plans that Felony's half-assed writing will not interfere with lol. Solid chance the next episode pisses me off beyond repair ahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

This is totally Sabine's fault btw. She will accidentally bite Shin during their 5th gayass fight to the death, and Shin will probably bite Baylan later on.

This one goes out to Ray Stevenson <3

#lothwolfwalkers #sww #ahsoka series #shin hati #baylan skoll #star wars rebels #swr #sabine wren #rebels au #wolfwalkers #loth wolf

156 notes · View notes

the-broken-truth · 10 months

Text

Leaving The Web [Part 6 - Epilogue] - Platonic Yandere Miguel O'Hara w/ Daughter Symbiote Spider Reader

Broken Truth: Someone in the comments asked me for a Part 6 to this storyline so I decided to make an Epilogue. Please enjoy this final part of Leaving The Web.

[Earth-928 / Spider-Society / Infirmary]

"Broken Ribs. Fractured Leg, Bruised Ego." Lyla said as she went over Miguel's Medical Chart while the Leader of the Spider-Society was laying in a bed with his body bandaged and his red eyes looking at the ceiling with his traditional frown on his face while he slowed his breathing to relieve the pain on his ribs. It had been a week since he was thrown back into the portal by Venom & his daughter, [Name], and he was just now gaining consciousness. Miles and Gwen with the help of Peter B. Parker got him into the infirmary so that he could get his wounds looked at and bandaged but he passed out from the pain and the stress

"Just tell me how the operations are doing, Lyla." Miguel said in his nonchalant voice.

"All the operations are going smoothly, most of the Anomalies have been captured and returned to their proper Earth...but Peter has not sent anyone to Capture Venom and [Name]," Lyla explained.

"Why? I flagged that as a top priority. I need them back home as soon as possible." Miguel said as he looked at Lyla but she just shook her head and looked at her creator through her heart glasses.

"Miguel, you know that I normally joke about these things but you need to let [Name] go, she doesn't want anything to do with us, mainly you, so it's time to let them go and leave them to have their own life," Lyla said.

"But, I need her..." Miguel said ut Lyla shook her head.

"No. You had her and she tried to get your love and attention - you abandoned her to raise another daughter when your other version was killed in that robbery. You called her a burden and looked at her with disgust whenever she tried to get your attention. Think - do you really want her or do you just want to replace what you lost?" Lyla said as she disappeared. Miguel looked at the ceiling and thought about what Lyla said - it was a serious question and he didn't know the answer to it.

[Name's] Earth]

[Name] walked down the street with her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket - which was actually Venom - as she was heading to her job to collect her paycheck for the week.

"Do you think Madame Kristen will give us the Chocolate Sculpture of us?" Venom asked.

'I'm not sure, that's the most sought-after creation she has and I think she promised it to her niece for her birthday.' [Name] thought as she walked into the store and out after getting her money with her weekly bonus only to see the Vulture flying over her head as Cop Cars chased after him.

"Do we really have to?" Venom asked.

"You know the answer to that, V." [Name] said as she walked into the alley and let the Symbiote consume her into her Spider-Woman Suit, and swung after the cop cars. After attacking the Vulture and defeating him, allowing the cops to take him away, Spider-Woman swung away to reach her apartment and found a note attached to her door in familiar writing.

Mija and Venom,

I know that you didn't want to hear from me again after you both beat the crap out of me and tossed me back into my portal to send me back to the Spider-Society but I wanted to tell you both that I am sorry for everything that I have done to you. I ignored you. I neglected you. I failed you. I shall leave you alone and never return to your Earth again so long as there are no anomalies there, but I won't bother you and make you come back home with me. If you decide to come home, I shall accept and love you. Love you and live your best life.

Signed, Your Father, Miguel O'Hara.

[Name] and Venom looked at the note before going into their apartment for dinner and chocolate.

Just another day in New York for Spider-Woman and Venom.

#spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #platonic yandere #female reader #daughter reader #venom symbiote #lyla

401 notes · View notes

nolita-fairytale · 8 months

Note

Congrats on all of your progress and growth!! You deserve it so much, and we love and appreciate all of your hard work w these fics. Like you never fail to have me kicking my feet and giggling

Could I do 🥐 with jealous Carmy or Luca hehehe (add smut if you so wish 🫣🤭)

"WAIT SORRY I MIXED UP THE EMOJI I MEANT 🍝" -- @not-a-glad-gladiator, you ask for a headcanon, and shall receive!

Jealous Carmy & Jealous Luca Headcanons

Jealous!Luca:

ok so hear me out: in the show we get the impression that Carmy and Luca are cut from similar cloth (didn't do well in school, struggled a bit when younger, found solace and belonging in the kitchen) but Luca happens to be the anthesis of Carmy in so many ways.

i think luca would have a certain amount of confidence and not act on his jealous feelings for as long as possible. he'd try to stay even keeled, reminding himself that you chose him and that he's gotta stop doubting himself.

however, he just can't stand watching the same line cook hit on you for a third time, so after blowing up at the line cook one night, leading to luca sending the guy home, a rare, RARE, occurrence, you know something's up.

by the time you get home, you barely have time to ask him what the hell happened on the line that night before he's pinning you up against the wall, begging you to let him make it up to you.

after a night of hot, hot sex filled with passion, frustration, and luca's singular to desire to hear his and only his name on your lips, the two of you lay in bed together, just trying to catch your breath. you begin laughing as you realize what just happened.

"what?" luca asks you. "you were jealous, weren't you?!" and you can't stop laughing. "it's not funny, babe!" "it-, no, i know. it's not funny. and it also is. why didn't you just talk to me?" "i... i have no bloody idea."

"you know i don't care for that guy, right?" "well, i know now. but it bothers me." "i'm sorry babe. i'll tell him to fuck off.... though i think you made that quite clear tonight." luca groans, only mildly embarrassed by his behavior from earlier.

the two of you talk it out and you reassure him that there's nothing to worry about.

"while i'd much rather you talk to me about it... i've got to admit, babe. that was hot." you smirk.

Jealous!Carmy:

okay don't kill me but i think jealous!carmy would be significantly less sexy, at least carmy-sans-any-therapy

you and carmy go to a holiday party at cicero's and after leaving to go grab a new round of drinks, some guy starts hitting on you, and carmy is boiling with rage.

instead of having a healthy conversation, he picks a fight with you, leading to the two of you going home early.

but carmy doesn't want to talk about it and you can't figure out why he's not only upset, but shutting you out. you stay the night anyways, the both of you going to bed angry. only the wall he puts up lasts for a few days and you start to worry about him/your relationship.

it's not till later that night that he shows up on your doorstep, ready to talk and sure as hell ready to apologize.

"carmy, will you tell me what i did?" you ask him, solemnly. "it's... shit... fuck. i'm sorry. it's not you."

"are you breaking up with me?" "no i... fuck." he takes a beat and it feels impossible for him to admit that "i was jealous... of that guy." "what guy?" "from cicero's party."

"wait. THAT GUY!?"

and suddenly, he feels like a complete idiot for making this such a huge deal. the two of you talk it out and you have to set some boundaries with him. "carm, i need you to talk to me about this kind of shit, okay?" "that's what people do. when they're in a relationship. because you scared the shit out of me and... you can't just like... shut me out for a few days, okay?" "okay. it's just that... i haven't really done this before. been in a relationship." "well, we can figure it out together then."

and then, because luca got a sexy jealousy storyline, you and carmy have the make up sex of your life, as he murmurs, "i'm sorry" into each kiss against your skin.

#carmy x reader #the bear hulu #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #the bear headcanon #luca x reader #pastry chef luca #chef luca x reader #nolita fairytale's follower celebration #nolita fairytale’s follower celebration #jeremy allen white #will poulter

208 notes · View notes

tuesdayintheservantshall · 2 years

Text

Oh huh given how everything ended up going down Jimmy probably continued to believe that Thomas had particularly strong pull with His Lordship.

#I guess this is just a subset of the fact that from Jimmy’s pov all the evidence points to Thomas being much more secure within the house #than himself #which I was already aware of #jimmy kent #not like his tag is so full my thoughts will be cluttering it up #the storyline that shall not be named

11 notes · View notes

alwaysxlarrie · 9 months

Text

harry is louis’ baby fic rec masterlist part 2 :)

hi hello, so, i actually started putting together this masterlist at the end of april (since then, ‘ain’t that a kick in the head!’ has been deleted, which was on the original list. big rip) but then life just kept getting in the way. & i have like 57485 fic rec masterlists that i want to get out but i wanted to post this one first, so. here i am. i usually do 50 fics per rec list, but this is 25. so it seems i can do a (semi) shorter fic rec list. who would’ve thought? anyway, enjoy!!

a million roses (bathed in rock n’ roll) by deLILAh

i’d come across this fic a number of times before i actually read it because i don’t listen to lana del rey (thank you jennifer & @hlkings for showing me the wonders of her music) so i wasn’t sure if i’d be able to follow the storyline. but!!! worry not. that knowledge isn’t required. amazing strangers to lovers, good smut, 10/10 relationship development & individual character development

and the truth shall set you free... by @jaerie / jaerie

jaerie knows i love this fic. my friends know i love this fic. i’m pretty sure most of the world’s population knows too. the relationship development in general & portrayal of inexperienced!harry/experienced!louis is top tier. it’s interesting reading harry going through his journey, in a generally pretty accurate way (from the perspective of someone who grew up religious), so i love that it’s in harry’s pov. i love how louis goes from teasing to soft to guiding so naturally, as well.

a rose, by any other name by @canonlarry / iwillpaintasongforlou

this fic portrays protective louis so well while harry’s still independent & in charge of his own autonomy. there’s some mentions of violence in this, just a disclaimer, but it’s veryyyyy minor! really good (dark) plot twist at the end too!

a cage for every ugly spirit by sarcasticfluentry

listennnnnnnnnnnnn. this fic??? & it’s sequel???? amazing. top tier. i just love how all the different elements of religion, kink, romance, smut, etc connect

be my little good luck charm by 100percentsassy

the flirting!!!!!! my heart!!!!!!!!!! i know larry hitting it off right away is a canon trope & all that but it’s not always easy to write in a way that doesn’t feel rushed & this fic depicts that perfectly. there’s so much wonderful humor, fluffy moments & lots of domesticness.

baby we could be enough (i’ll make this feel like home) by orphan account

i am an absolute sucker for fics where either harry or louis is a single father & the other one just swoops into their life & fits. & that’s exactly how this fic is. i’m not an angst person at all, but i also love how there’s realistic angst/concerns that a single parent would have about bringing another person into their lives. other than that bit, there’s still a whole lotta fluff !!

breathless for eternity by cabinbythesea

wow another fic where they’re strangers, hit it off immediately & have the cutest dynamic!! i’m a walking cliché atp but listen, although this is mostly pwp imo, the way louis picks up on harry’s mannerisms, what he needs as a sub, how to tease, etc is beautiful???? that takes talented writing!! we love to see it?? thank you for this???

boy for sale by @ohpleaselarry / ohpleaselarry

i mean, listen. do be mindful of the tags & what not, but. at the very core, harry is simply louis’ baby & you will not be convincing me otherwise. i would absolutely die for a prequel or a sequel. the undertones throughout this fic are *chef’s kiss*

baby thinking of you keeps me up all night by ballsdeepinjesus

i am nothing if not consistent with loving famous!louis/fanboy!harry fics, alright? you gotta give me that at least. the internal struggle louis goes through throughout the majority of this fic is so funny but also so real of him??? plus, we love thigh fucking here, so. a winner in my book!

do not falter (there’s a star ahead) by @londonfoginacup / ladylondonderry

all you need in life is harry feeling safe surrounded by louis’ scent. shit, me too, harold. there’s so much cuteness in such a short lil fic & altho it’s open ended, we all know they got together & lived happily ever after, thank you v much

gotta get (me) outta my head by @parmahamlarrie / parmahamlarrie

i have severe adult adhd & the way bee wrote this is phenomenal at making anyone who has adhd feel so seen & understood. i dream about writing my struggles w adhd as wonderfully as she did. & the way louis helps harry & is there for her in just the right ways so, so fantastically done. top tier fic for sure.

heartbeat (fire on fire) by @larryficwriter / theifinlife

this fic was written for my @notjustsmutficfest & i adore it. louis being so vulnerable to comfort harry, louis’ family being so supportive, the check ins during the smut, the way harry makes sure louis is okay too??? I’M CRYING PEOPLE (also, there’s great smut, too)

i love this feeling (but i hate this part) by @lululawrence / lululawrence

i love the crack mixed with cute dynamic mixed with dealing with very real life situations. & the teasing at the end????? i cry!!! give this a read asap rocky

i’ll crash until you notice me by @aliensingucci / stylinsoncity

i love the pacing & how it brings in realistic elements of a boss/employee relationship while not taking out you out of the fic. top tier smut & dirty talk. the bar + bathroom scene??? that shit was art. also i love how much harry went to bat for the natives & kept coaxing louis to respect the culture of the buildings & all that. (like it’s the bare minimum really but i do like the fact that the fic went into that aspect & acknowledged it!)

late night talking by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything

this is simply just me continuing to not let lauren forget how much i love this fic. i could talk about this fic for hours & i’ve included this on a masterlist before but idc bc listen. the sneak dating?? the flirting?? the tension building?? there were a few plot points that kept me on my toes (everett, i’m looking at you & how long you managed to stick around for) & i respect that. i have so much more i could say about this fic but i’ll stop here so i don’t spoil anything lol.

my pleasure (to make you mine) by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche

i don’t think i’ve let zanni have a moment of peace about this fic since i read it. for that, zanni, i’m sorry. but i’m also really, really not. the way their dynamic right off the bat is so seamless & louis does his best to make harry feel comfortable is what we in the industry like to call cinema. prior to this fic i didn’t really care one way or the other about nipple play in fics & now i don’t understand why it doesn’t occur more in fics?? zanni, you’ve changed me as a woman thx bb

meow or never by velvetnoodle

as a cat lover who has attempted to discreetly bring cats home before & a louis lover, i understand harry’s dilemma. i would also do exactly what he did if given louis’ offer. i will leave it at that & will let you bask in the magic that is this fic.

no bunny but you by @crinkle-eyed-boo / crinkle-eyed-boo

this is another fic i will simply never shut up about. louis is smooth as shit??? like. i WISH a guy would do for me what he did for harry in this. there’s just so much to adore in this from the flirting, the teasing, the relationship developments, the softness, all the little plot twists. 10/10, top tier, no notes

promise not to fade away by @nobodymoves / you_explode

i adore the way this toed the line of angst & fluff so well. it’s so sweet & cute & hot & has an open/ambiguous ending that still gives you a sense of closure imo. as someone who typically is not an open/ambiguous ending fic fan, i absolutely endorse this fic.

stood up by panda_bear21

the pop punk!louis/popstar!harry (or the bad boy!louis/good boy!harry) trope will always give me the will to live. i love this fic bc it’s cute & does sexual tension well & while it does bring up closeting & general hollywood shittiness, it does a good job of making you feel like it’s not the actual focus of the plot & still leaves you with some hope, if that makes sense & i appreciate that v much

three french hems by 100percentsassy & gloria_andrews

idk if it’s because i started reading fan fics on wattpad (i mean, really my journey started w fanfiction.net & the fics that had the actual fic in the youtube description box & the video was a slideshow of pics but i digress) but i have a soft spot for smaus. & they can be....tricky (the wattpad homies know) but this is done so well & i need someone to get louis some perfectly cooked prawns pls!!!! also louis having a thing for harry’s thighs rly makes this baby a winner imo

to be a better man by @thedevilinmybrain / devilinmybrain

i have a weak spot for fics where harry or louis cheat on their significant other w each other. it’s my guilty pleasure. sue me. jen is so good at describing feelings, actions, etc to make you feel like you’re in the fic watching it happen. i adore the changes in larry’s dynamic, how smoothly it all happened, how much louis cared & understood exactly what harry needed, how easily harry gave in &let louis take care of him. i would absolutely read a part 2 of this w harry & louis together

wrapped in light, in life, in love by orphan account

i will never not be obsessed w fics that have the louis is gemma’s best friend & harry’s in love w him trope. that mixed w how easily & instantaneously harry & louis get along even after not seeing each other for years? add a dash of harry having louis’ baby & how obvious they are about their feelings for each other? GIMME

when we were young by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16

ok so this is a series, not a fic B U T i feel like you can read the fics stand alone & you can feel the vibe from each fic, but i think since they both have the ~vibe~ you just feel it all so much more when you read them together. ANYWAY. they’re so obviously smitten w each other & of course everyone else can see it but them. harry is an oblivious shit but we love him (&so does louis).

you took my heart by surprise by @loveislarryislove / livelaughlovelarry

it takes a while for harry & louis to warm up to each other, but once they do, it is just...so, so good. annika’s writing will make you feel like you’re actually experiencing the same emotions as the characters are. louis’ protectiveness & how adamant he is to not let anything get in the way of protecting harry, including himself is so heartbreakingly sweet. i cry. i adore how annika describes the emotionally conflicting emotions & situations while keeping the undertone of how much they care about & want each other. annika does not play when it comes to angst & that is a warning (although this is def not her most angst-filled fic by any means)

your heart can love again by sloganeer

this fic speaks to the famous!louis/fanboy!harry stan in me. a shocker, truly, i know! it’s so cute. i love how their relationships transitions in a way that’s quick but doesn’t feel forced & just makes sense -- the way they get domestic so quickly is simply *chefs kiss*

**friendly reminder to please leave kudos & comments on any of the fics you end up reading from this !! show the writers some love :)**

183 notes · View notes

itslenagain · 1 month

Text

My thoughts on episodes 1-3 of Netflix ATLA (SPOILERS):

1. Commander Zhao has middle-aged white guy manager energy. I feel like this man is about to lead me in a team-building exercise

2. Aang having his origin story changed irks me! He ran away impulsively in the original show and got stuck in the ice. In this version, he fully monologs to Appa about his fears, but then just leaves for a joyride and gets stuck. It takes away from the significance of Aang leaving in the first place. When Kyoshi berates him for running away, it doesn't feel right because in this version, he didn't really run - he just got stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time

3. The Zuko that stood on an iceberg during a full Moon and challenged Katara to battle would be absolutely enraged at the Zuko that ran from the conflict in Omashu

4. Also, the fact that Zuko has not mentioned honor yet? What the fuck?

5. Seriously, Commander Zhao has a LinkedIn. He's got great networking skills

6. I miss aggro Katara. This version is way more subdued (though we do get a sibling fight in episode 3) and somehow listening to Aang's weird circular philosophy helps her learn how to waterbend and I don't get it

7. Seeing Aang be joyful is a nice change from the movie that shall not be mentioned

8. If Gram-Gram putting the waterbending scroll in Katara's bag replaces the storyline where Katara says fuck cultural looting and steals one I will scream

9. It's interesting to see Azula so early in the story, but I'm bummed we missed out on the whole blackmail thing with her & Ty Lee

10. Do you think Commander Zhao pays his employees a fair wage? Do you think they have health insurance? 401k matching? Vacation time? Sick days? What kind of benefits does his company offer?

11. This version of Sokka is definitely not silly enough

12. I feel robbed that Aang got to transform into a magical girl but we didn't get a magical girl transformation sequence

13. Also, we were robbed of Sokka crossdressing as a Kyoshi warrior and they are so rude for that

14. The graphic murder of the Airbenders felt. Weird? Wrong? I don't think we needed to see that. The impact it had when Aang arrived at the temple to find all of them gone in the original show felt heavier than in this version. We saw what happened, we know they're all dead. As a kid watching ATLA the first time, I remember feeling hopeful for Aang that maybe he wasn't really the last one. We don't get to feel that with this version

15. They did not understand Uncle Iroh at all. His character is so weird. Maybe it gets better???

16. The pacing is weird but maybe that gets better too???

17. I have never related more than when Ozai just burned that Earth nation dude who was about to start monologing, please shut up in my presence

18. Apparently everywhere has names?? Who decided on these names?

19. As a lesbian I also get horny on main immediately for girls who could definitely kick my ass, Sokka was so real for that

20. Overall I think they lean into the idea that the audience for this show is primarily older than the audience for the original (they're not totally wrong!) but I worry about it losing some of the messaging along the way. Part of the beauty of the original ATLA show was tackling these big, complex issues in a way that both kids and adults could relate to and understand. Anyone who knows me knows I also love Bluey for this, along with a few other shows that do it well. Media like ATLA that tackles the ideas of colonization, genocide, war, and so many other important issues is crucial! I hope that these topics are handled just as well as they were in the original series.

Am I going to watch the whole thing? Probably, yeah. Will I enjoy it? I hope so! It's not terrible, but it's also hard to do a show that has so much nostalgia attached to it in a way that will please all viewers.

If you haven't watched it, I think it's worth a shot. Just don't expect it to be an exact retelling of the original story.

#avatar the last airbender #atla #atla live action #netflix atla #aang #katara #sokka #zuko #commander zhao

48 notes · View notes

misscammiedawn · 4 months

Text

Dissociative Identity Disorder in Mr. Robot

So I have been writing little essays about Mr. Robot recently.

Dom's Sexuality, Gay Marriage and Whiterose

Back to the Future and Brainwashing

Today I wish to talk about the DID representation in Mr. Robot.

Actually I want to talk about the DID representation in the Hulk comics but there are 40 years worth of storylines involving it and it would require me to write about clinical understandings from the 1980s when it was called MPD (admitedly Mr. Robot's stumbles at the finish line with some of these same outdated treatment models) and that would take a while. Suffice to say it will happen eventually*. I shall make a new tag "Media Myself and I" and post it under that when I have more time to do it justice. Maybe I'll do others. I am uncertain. I believe I want to focus on positive depictions where there are no murder alters. The goal is to get people to want to enjoy things, not to steer them away. I have a few shows and games in mind at the very least.

Regardless… Mr. Robot is an easier topic to cover and is my hyperfocus of the moment.

So Mr. Robot is a show about isolation in the modern world. It's a show about socioeconomic stress, late-stage capitalism and what it means to enact meaningful change on a broken world.

But above all it is about the healing journey of Elliot Alderson, a man with dissociative identity disorder.

I say that at the start because Elliot's condition is never named until the final episode. In many ways a realistic depiction of a real world disorder was an afterthought noted in the final hour of the journey as a means of justifying the split personality trope and hiding a final twist. In spite of that the roadmap for the show was always leading to this destination and along the way they managed to get some fairly good representation out of the mix.

Season 2 even involves the only time I have ever seen a piece of fiction depict "blending" on screen. Blending isn't a symptom listed in either DSM or ICD manuals. It is, however, something one would hear about if they had a conversation with someone who had DID. I have used that scene to depict what it feels like to my partners.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I love Mr. Robot. It is currently my favorite show of all time. If you have never seen it then please give it a shot. This post will be spoiler heavy and I'd hate to rob anyone the opportunity to watch S4E7 and have a pure emotional reaction to it. The show is on Amazon Prime and the full box set is available for $35-50 depending on format and vendor.

Go with my blessing.

The first season of the show begins with Elliot Alderson (Rami Malek) living a double life. By day a cyber security expert and by night he spends his time at his computer hacking people's accounts and satisfying a "little itch in the back of his head" that guides him to uncover the murky facts about people. The first scene of the show has him take down a cafe owner who hosts an illegal and deeply unpleasant website. I have seen individuals walk away from the first episode thinking that the show is "Dexter but with computers" but it is more lulsec activism with a Fight Club aesthetic.

The show has 4 seasons and each season depicts a different stage of Elliot's healing journey and with it completely different rules and depictions of his condition. I'll break down each season for what they do right and what they do wrong.

Season 1: Discovery

Elliot's system in season one is undiscovered but he has overt symptoms, meaning he is unaware that he has any alters but he suffers from clean breaks in his consciousness and drastically altered behavior patterns both which are a detriment to the "hidden" nature of the condition.

Commonly most people do not discover their condition until their 30s. I was 37/38 when our therapist started guiding us towards accepting our condition.

DID manifests in childhood but it's a hidden illness that does its best to go undetected. The point of the condition is to remain hidden. The internet and the educational resources it offers are helping younger individuals to recognize their symptoms and advocate for themselves at an earlier age but the standard medical understanding is that most people are developed adults before they are diagnosed.

Published statistics for DID indicate the global population of those with the condition is about 1.5% (some organizations argue the number should be higher due to how difficult it is to receive an accurate diagnosis, but 1.5% is the most consistent figure) which is rare but not to the point of never encountering it. For comparison, according to a 2023 census 1.0% of people in the USA identify as transgender. There are no tested classifications for Covert vs Overt display of symptoms but it is widely agreed that an overwhelming majority of cases within the 1.5% are covert.

We learn that Elliot is desperately lonely, abuses morphine and has paranoid delusions about men in black stalking his every move. Whenever Elliot is on screen we can never be sure what is real and what isn't, so there are times when men wearing black suits are on screen and we cannot be sure if Elliot is paranoid or delusional.

The show takes place through his perspective after all and we are a character in the show.

See… the narrative device of the show involves Elliot speaking to "friend", us. The audience. "Hello, friend." is a common refrain spoken throughout the show. The narrative begins a short while after Elliot had a complete mental breakdown and smashed up a server room, he is seeing a court appointed therapist, is socially paralyzed to the point of which we see him linger outside a birthday party and retreat home to cry in loneliness.

The entire first season Mr. Robot is depicted as another character, akin to Tyler Durden, a wild revolutionary who wants to encrypt the data of the world's largest bank in order to seal the debt records and reset everything back to 0. He starts off appearing in scenes involving the men in black stalking Elliot to mingle him in with the paranoid delusions and eventually begins interacting with him in earnest. Though the reveal is treated as a twist 8 episodes into the show Elliot does accuse the audience of knowing the entire time and he refuses to speak to us for some time, even going as far as to keep secrets from us because he cannot trust us any longer.

It's at this point that I will note that media depictions of DID tend to lean heavily on the phrase "it's a visual medium" and depict ways that characters can see, interact with and communicate with alters/parts in a dramatic setting. Off the top of my head Hulk is about the only form of fiction I've seen where the temptation to do this doesn't take over and even then the old "other face in the mirror" trope shows up there.

So for what it's worth the paranoid thinking and hallucinations are not DID symptoms and typically a person with the condition cannot see or hear their alters. In fact a testing criteria included in the MID exam is to rule out schizophrenia by eliminating the possibility that the voices heard are external or that any hallucinations exist. In Mr. Robot they are likely caused by Elliot's morphine addiction, but he gets clean after season 1 and Mr. Robot is always there.

There are some plot elements which I want to talk about but they do spoil the final "twist" of the show. So I want to warn again that anyone in the process of watching should be warned we are getting into entire show spoiler territory.

The Elliot we see in the show is the result of the stress fueled breakdown that Mr. Alderson had 6 months prior to the show starting. The timeline is fuzzy in my head but there were two triggers which set him off and began his condition flaring up (and/or caused him to lean harder into his drug addiction which in turn fueled his condition). The one we know about is that he was locked in a server room and forced to work long into the night on an issue and the already upset and stressed Elliot snapped and had a black-out.

We come to learn that he has had these his whole life but this is the first time such an incident occurred that he couldn't self-justify what had happened. He smashed up a server room, something he felt himself not capable of.

But the second trigger is the more important one.

His sister, Darlene, moved to NYC and started visiting him.

The bigger and better twist of season 1 is that Elliot and Darlene are siblings. This is hidden from Elliot and the audience for the first 7 episodes and her presence is treated much like Marla Singer from Fight Club, of whom she likely contains some inspiration, where she keeps showing up in Elliot's apartment and acting overly familiar with him.

In the earliest episodes when we are learning about Elliot's lonely life he looks at a photograph of himself and his mother at Coney Island. Due to some hallucinations we know that Magda is an abusive mother and screamed at/hit Elliot a lot. We learn more about her in future episodes and she is a truly horrible parent. Likely more than was ever depicted in the show.

The photo is actually of the full Alderson family including Darlene and Edward but is not shown as such until the reveals that Darlene is Elliot's sister and Mr. Robot is modeled after Elliot's father. The photograph is a reference to Back to the Future.

But it also is a fairly good visual representation of self-filtering information, even when it is contradictory in nature. This is common not just in DID but in all forms of CPTSD.

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that develops during prolonged exposure to trauma and makes radical changes to the nervous system. CPTSD is considered a root of DID and it is universal for those diagnosed with DID to have a CPTSD diagnosis also.

One of the ways CPTSD symptoms manifest is "Emotional Avoidance". The nervous system is activated when triggers related to the trauma exist within the person's life. In order to function their brains push away these reminders and naturally avoid interacting with them. This causes those with the condition to become withdrawn, to isolate and to have distorted and often contradicting patterns of thought. For instance Elliot needs connection and safety that he associates with family but his family were his primary abusers and so he edits his memories to focus on positive associations such as a family trip to Coney Island that has become an obsession to him in adulthood. We later learn that Elliot's obsession with movies was born from it being his primary way of connecting with his father... which is fairly relatable.

His positive memories of his parents are held in high regard even though we know that his father "pushed him out of a window" and his mother used to put out cigarette butts on Darlene, tried to force her to commit animal cruelty and is often depicted in hallucinations as beating and screaming at Elliot.

In a case where it is impossible to avoid the traumatic trigger, for instance the return of relative who is a living reminder of his abusive childhood, the individual may begin to dissociate. Dissociation being where a person, overwhelmed by what they are experiencing has a separation from their normal state leading to a disconnect from emotions, sense of self and reality.

Episode 8 in particular contains a visual depiction of it when Elliot is having a quiet meltdown over finding out he has a 2 day deadline and his boss at work has known about the server exploit he installed all along.

(the show often uses the camera in ways to emphasize emotional walls, dissociation and isolation like this. This sequence does so by having hard cuts, shaky cam and frantic pace melt into a gliding slow lull where the background noise filters out and we can share in Elliot's distance from his situation for a moment)

Elliot's form of blocking out is extreme but has half a foot in reality (and half a foot in the logic born from the "twist" ending) in that in order to continue interacting with Darlene he views her as a member of Fsociety and edits out their connection until it is revealed in episode 7.

A small brilliancy about Fsociety is that the entire group is formed around Elliot and Darlene's need for childhood safety. The hacking elements of the show undoubtedly born from 9 year old Elliot spending time at Mr. Robot computer repair with a smile. The anon-mask that the show uses comes from an in-universe movie that Darlene and Elliot watched every Halloween and their base of operations is Coney Island. A place that both siblings seem to associate with safety and happiness...

Which is extra messed up when you factor Season 2's revelation that Darlene was kidnapped while on a family trip to Coney Island.

Darlene's panic attacks, need to feel special and her abusive upbringing are not the topic for this essay, but I wanted to make mention that Magda was such a horrible mother that a 4/5 year old Darlene thinks of being kidnapped from a family trip to Coney Island as one of her most precious childhood memories.

The desire to reach into the past and change things to create an ideal future is a heavy theme of the show and I feel it's important to note that though the Alderson siblings reject Whiterose and her scheme, they are both living in an almost literal fun house distortion of the few unambiguously GOOD childhood memories that they each have and have wrapped them around themselves like a protective blanket.

The plot of season 1 gets a lot more uncomfortable when you realize how much of Fsociety is two traumatized kids recreating positive elements of their childhood and trying to live inside of those memories while lashing out at those who took their father away from them. The entire plan is centered around events from 1995. The show takes place in 2015.

Mr. Robot himself is, of course, the ultimate symbol of that take on events.

Edward Alderson was a monster. He's referred to as such overtly in Elliot's detox fever dream. Everyone asks him who his "monster" is while handing him the key that we learn was to his childhood bedroom. A key that he hid to prevent Edward from entering his room late at night.

Yet throughout the first 3 seasons of the show we are only shown him in context of the positive memories that he and Elliot shared. Elliot was 9 years old when Edward passed away from leukemia.

At a point, Elliot is picked up from school. He has a bruise on his cheek and the scene begins with Edward asking "If I had to guess, you didn't tell Principal Howard your side.", assuring him it's okay to share his side of the story. Because Edward is convincing him to tell his side I am going to assume Elliot got into a fight but it's not impossible to assume that the school pulled Edward in to discuss the signs of physical abuse on the child. Edward would never tell Elliot to tell his side of that story so I assume it was a fight.

It's unclear if Mr. Robot is the one who participated in those fights (we only have 2 confirmed instances of Elliot's alters showing up in childhood. The window incident and the day Edward died) but Edward picks him up and protects him from his mother's wrath and bonds with him during that drive, he reveals his diagnosis to Elliot before inviting him to work with him at the computer repair store. Likely this is what leads to Elliot's hacker skills being born.

A hauntingly similar event in my own life is why I am a photographer.

Given that the majority of Season 1 has Elliot in the dark about his condition we are only given context as to why he is the way he is and see the display of dissociative symptoms which manifest from CPTSD. Mr. Robot existing at all is actually not required for this to be a good depiction of adults who grew up in abusive environments and the way they maladaptively cope.

I also want to give a little praise to the "itch at the back of [Elliot's] head" that shows up when he feels the desire to hack someone or dig deeper and the way he pushes forward with his own will until he calms down enough to let a creeping hesitation overcome him and prevent him from acting.

Passive Influence is part of DID. It's a situation where a "fronting" (that is to say part that is in control at a time) performs an unthinking action or is emotionally swayed by the influence of another part/alter that is not presently conscious. These are one of the biggest ways that the condition flies under the radar for many. When they are close to discovering proof of their condition they will often feel an unconscious push away from it. The phenomenon is fairly easily brushed aside internally as "a gut feeling" or an "impulse" but it's observable under the right conditions.

An instance I can think of in my own life is when our survival part is trying to push people away and our emotional part desperately tries to reach out. I will often find my hand grabbing a person's wrist and clinging tightly to it without even noticing that I've done it.

In the show Elliot is compelled by Mr. Robot when he feels someone is a danger or has a weakness that can be exploited. Part of him knows he needs to do something about it and so he lets himself be guided.

The season ends with The 5/9 Hack succeeding, all the financial data being encrypted and Elliot sent to prison for (minor) hacking charges.

He knows who Mr. Robot is now and he fears him as his enemy.

Season 2 (and the book): Exploration

The first 8 episodes of Season 2 are a filter for those watching the show, many drop off. Personally I love it but I can see why it's not for everyone. Season 2 is much slower than the first and Elliot is in prison for those 8 episodes. He's also imagining that prison is his mother's house.

That daydreaming coping mechanism is largely there to add a fairly unearned sense of mystery to a character development season and make things a little more visually interesting. For the most part I don't really want to focus too much on it or the way Elliot treats "us"/"friend".

The fact is that for this season Mr. Robot and Elliot are in direct conflict but they are feeling out their landscape and trying to find common ground. They are pulling in different directions but they are reacting and responding to one another. The show uses a chess match as a visual symbol of this and in such they are keeping one another in a constant state of check. They are opposed to one another but they are communicating and working things out.

So let's start by looking at the book. The book is a recreation of the in-universe journal that Elliot keeps while he is in prison. We see him writing in it during the show and the entire thing is available, it even includes little ARG elements to let you decode the messages Mr. Robot is receiving from The Dark Army.

The book is detailed like this and it's possible to note when Elliot's handwriting turns into Mr. Robot's handwriting. There are even points where there is "blended" handwriting. It's easy to spot in the above image because Mr. Robot writes with a heavy hand and in all caps where Elliot is soft and uses lower case, in the top line of the second page "you NeeD atteNtioN aNd aRe Willing to pay a lotta MoNey to get it." you can see Elliot slipping from one headspace to another while becoming upset at society.

Even still if you look above the FUCK SOCIETY image you see Elliot's calmer handwriting as clear and flowing.

When we were in denial of our condition we poured through journal after journal and chatlog after chatlog hunting for evidence to prove or disprove the theory.

It was when I looked at our old gaming journals (we took notes in pen/pencil live during TTRPG sessions because memory issues are gonna memory issues) that we noticed similar. Cursive used in some phrases, individual letters separate on another, the letters g and y getting curled at times and not at other times.

Subtler than what is displayed above but no less real.

Season 2 introduces us to Ray the warden brilliantly played by Craig Robinson. He empathizes with Elliot because he speaks to his dead wife as a means of coping with grief and assumes that Elliot is the same.

He offers Elliot guidance by asking him to play chess "against himself" and this leads to Elliot and Mr. Robot playing endless games of stalemate against one another with deletion on the line for the loser. It's the same brain and neither side wants to lose (nor do they truly want to win, Elliot admits as much in Season 3 that he likes having Mr. Robot and misses him when he's not around) and as noted above with passive influence, the games are always guided to end in a stalemate because no matter how opposed they are as forces, they both want the same things.

So... how about the Sitcom episode?

Elliot breaks his promise to Ray and looks at the website that he is tasked with doing tech support on. It's--- not good.

Ray uses a combination of crooked cops and convicted Neo-Nazis to have Elliot beaten into submission so he won't report what he saw. Elliot cannot handle this and has a mental break and wakes up in a 90s 4 camera sitcom world.

Alf is there. Because old episodes of Alf are playing in the medical ward at the time Elliot is being treated for his wounds.

The entire time he is taking a beating Mr. Robot is protecting Elliot by fronting and forcing him into an inner-world fantasy.

Okay... so Inner-Worlds.

In the show we actually had one of these in Season 1 during the detox trip but I want to talk about it now and round back and talk more in Season 4.

Inner-Worlds are a thing within DID treatment. Emphasis on the word treatment. It's one of the more commonly misunderstood things within discussion on the condition because it's regularly reported as part of the experiences within those who are diagnosed with DID but it's important to know that the existence of the diagnosis indicates the existence of treatment.

During any adapted 3 or 4 phase trauma treatment program that includes parts work, whether this be Internal Family Systems model which is used for individuals who do not have DID or system mapping and stabilization for those who do, the patient must work on creating a "meeting" space to visualize (or sense out emotionally for those with aphantasia) and much of the work of developing safety and structure within comes from filling that space with comforts and generating communication between parts.

I'll talk more on the "conference table" in Season 4.

It is possible for those not going through therapy to create one outside of the context of a therapeutic alliance but the creation of one is an intentional act. Not something that comes free with your childhood trauma.

Elliot's trip to the inner-world keeps him from experiencing any of the beating that the body is receiving and at the end Mr. Robot earnestly says he only wanted to take the punches for Elliot, nothing more. Elliot falls against him, tearful and whimpers out "Thank you" before we are given the flashback of the day Edward picked up 9 year old Elliot from school after the fight and confesses his leukemia.

For the record, my heart swells every time I see Mr. Robot acting as a protector.

So, let's talk S2E9 and the "blending" incident.

Blending is what happens when two parts/alters are co-conscious and are present enough that they are sharing control of the body. It's an uncomfortable experience. Co-Consciousness means that more than one part/alter is actively perceiving the world at any given time.

It's more complicated than binary yes/no. Every one of these experiences exists on a spectrum and no two people with the condition experience it quite the same way but there are levels of presence that one has.

The following is me talking more from anecdotes and personal experience than textbooks. I like to be clear when I'm not being academic because I do not want to spread misinformation in my arbitrary analysis of TV shows that will get 20 notes on Tumblr Dot Com.

Front is to be driving the body, to have your inner monologue playing (if you have one, most people do, but it's not a given) and have your emotions interact with the nervous system if you are grounded enough to feel your experiences. As I said, it's a spectrum. Everyone gets dissociated at times and can just go into auto-pilot or a trance. That all still counts as being in front.

To be conscious but not front is to exist in an emotionally reactive state. If Fronting is driving then co-consciousness is to be in the passenger seat.

It's truly difficult to describe and my therapist doesn't even fully comprehend it despite her being the one who educates me on these topics. Presently as I type this I can only feel one of our system (5 parts) active and "with" me right now. She's not speaking but she's reacting. I can feel her apprehension to us typing this much about our personal life, little flits of paranoid thinking that we'll get anon-hate or that people from our former life will see this and judge us. It's a presence and exists on a gradient. She's "awake" right now but I do not consider her fully "co-con" because if I asked her to tell me what she thinks about this sentence I can feel an emotional reaction (apprehension) but not a direct answer akin to "I think you should edit out references to our journal and focus on talking about the show" (which is what I imagine she would say right now). That's the spectrum.

Closer to the front a part/alter is the more direct communication happens.

There's also "asleep" and "dormant" when they are unresponsive. Pretty self explanatory. Elliot's system has 5 parts(plus "friend") and until Season 4 we only really see Mr. Robot and the main character version of Elliot. Magda and Young Elliot show up in hallucinations in Season 1 and Young Elliot is co-con in Season 4. Magda never shows up outside of emotional flashbacks and the inner-world.

So after Elliot and Mr. Robot combine forces (though Mr. Robot is still working with the Dark Army and is trying to move in secret) they have moments where they rapidly switch and cannot keep straight who is fronting at any given time.

There's a scene where Elliot is in another room thinking to "friend" when he hears an argument in the next room and realizes Mr. Robot is in the argument. As he walks in, Mr. Robot is surprised to see that Elliot is aware when he is fronting and he trails off and they switch.

Mr. Robot says that something feels off about how they are acting and that they feel like they're overheating.

A later scene depicts Elliot phasing out mid-conversation on the subway and picturing himself in the next car observing Mr. Robot talking to Cisco while a passenger plays erratic music on a keyboard.

That is such a horrifyingly accurate depiction of something we live with that I was stunned to see it on screen. I've included it in some of my stories that go over living with these experiences but the idea is when we are stressed out, can't keep our head straight and are blended like this we tend to have snippets of music playing over and over in our head. We also get what I refer to as "static" and that seems to be relatable in support groups.

A++ for the show depicting something about the DID experience that simply does not get spoken about outside of the spaces of people dealing with it. It was the moment I knew they actually spoke to people who experience this stuff and did proper research that wasn't just media depictions and medical textbooks.

The final part of Season 2's wild ride I want to talk about is the "lucid dreaming" bit.

Mind awake. Body asleep. Mind awake. Body asleep.

This again goes into Overt DID which I cannot comment on as much as covert depictions but the idea is that Elliot trains himself to remain awake when Mr. Robot takes over. We have seen from the blending experience that he is starting to remain when Mr. Robot is active and so he tries to force himself to stay when Mr. Robot is active.

In therapy this would be achieved through trust, communication and awareness. It's said in communities that systems tend to become more overt as they go through treatment as they are able to identify lines, parts can advocate for themselves and there's better understanding of what "self" means for every alter.

In my experience there's also an element of trying to pretend to be consistent and whole. We were coming out transgender when our therapist guided us towards DID diagnosis and there was a lot of tearing ourselves apart because we needed to act in a certain way for our safety and inability to do so put us at risk of being targeted. In accepting our system we have stopped trying to be the same individual and that has lead to a more overt presentation. As I tell my therapist "we need to act out our gender expression anyway. Every action we take is a performance."

That is to say, Mr. Robot has never attempted to maintain the illusion that he is Elliot Alderson (albeit he never identifies himself. He's even surprised to learn that Elliot calls him that) and Elliot doesn't even know he is "The Mastermind".

In opting to remain hidden and conscious he gains a greater degree of control and agency in his situation.

These things get easier as you learn your condition, build system trust and allow yourself to experience that which you feel comfortable experiencing. With the example of the beating earlier, Mr. Robot shut Elliot out and took the beating for him and Elliot resisted but ultimately did not want to be present. In this episode he learns that if he wishes he could have pushed through and been there and experienced everything, albeit as a passenger rather than the driver.

Therapy also teaches how to "go into the back room" to maintain stability. A technique that lets you volunteer to not be involved in a situation. My system all use this whenever I (Dawn) perform erotic intimacy of any kind. They cannot handle the thought of associating with those acts and prior to treatment it would emotionally disregulate our nervous system if parts that couldn't handle the concept were to be present during those moments because parts of me would be trying to dissociate while I am trying to act. It would either trigger a switch, cause blending or make a part shut down and become unresponsive for a large period of time- one of our partners actually discovered our system this way. She saw us shut down during a scene and realized it wasn't just a "mood swing" as we had insisted.

Elliot learns how to intentionally open up and be present when Mr. Robot is active and because Plot happens he is shot and decides to use this skill to close himself off and create a stronger divide between parts.

Season 3: Rejection

If Season 2 was the pair working things out on a chess match where they keep one another in check then Season 3 is after Elliot has tossed the board and decided to shut Mr. Robot out completely.

The arc words are "battling in our own voids", in Season 1 Mr. Robot was always aware of what Elliot was doing but Elliot was unaware of Mr. Robot's actions and in Season 2 they were fairly co-conscious to the point of overheating. Season 3 the connection is shut down. Mr. Robot has no concept of what Elliot is doing and Elliot no concept of what Mr. Robot is doing.

This goes back to the Overt/Covert thing mentioned at the start. It's a rare thing even within a rare disorder to have that level of amnesia barriers between parts and so I can't really comment on accuracy. It's a frustrating season for me in that regard because Season 2 was doing so well at depicting something that I have lived through that going back to Fight Club tropes was fairly disappointing to me.

Season 3 is great by the way. It's a debate on if 3 or 4 is the best but it's close enough that there is a debate.

The real meat of the discussion, spare for the events of the final episode where they reconcile, is in how other people treat them and talk about their condition.

Angela Moss is Elliot's childhood best friend and also lost a parent to the disaster that claimed Edward Alderson's life. She discovered Elliot's condition during his breakdown in S1E8 and was brainwashed by the show villain Whiterose in S2E11 (I have a write-up of the psychological principals at play with the brainwashing here).

In Season 3 she acts as Elliot/Mr. Robot's handler and is responsible for helping Mr. Robot continue his hacktivist terrorism without Elliot finding out. She betrays Elliot and exploits his condition. She also tells people about it without his knowledge or consent, which is pretty fucking monstrous in my eyes.

Don't out a person. Just don't do it.

When Mr. Robot asks how she can tell who she's talking to she responds "Your eyes. You're never trying to look away." which is accurate enough that I messaged my girlfriend to be sappy and grateful towards her as the first time she noticed our condition she told me it was our eyes.

From a 2022 IM chat, shared with permission:

"it's ... well, it's [...] your eyes soften, kind of, when going to Cammie. Dawn has this piercing gaze, like she's looking right into my heart and soul. Camden is just very alert, noticing so many things but not the level of piercing. Cammie... her gaze is softer. More focused, but in a ... drinking everything in, rather than seeking it out sort of way"

and added today when I asked for permission to share the quote:

"(for the record, Craig draws his eyebrows down in a particular way that makes his gaze intense in a good way)"

The show works as hard as it can to never let the audience wonder who they are seeing on screen at any time. Most scenes where Rami Malek is depicting Mr. Robot it is a brief perspective view to remind us what the other characters are seeing before switching back to Christian Slater playing the character. There are a few scenes which involve Rami playing the character for a full sequence. One is the context for a flashback where we see a scene Slater performed through another character's eyes where they see Malek.

The others usually involve us being in Darlene's perspective to highlight her unease and uncertainty of what is happening with her brother.

The only scene where it is ever treated as a surprise is when Darlene plants a bug on Elliot's computer while staying overnight and is roughly interrogated by "Elliot", only to realize midway through the conversation "Jesus. It's you".

The camera cuts back to reveal it has been Mr. Robot the entire scene. They avoid that trick throughout the show so it has large impact when it actually happens.

I feel like that scene (as well as the scene where Elliot wears the real Mr. Robot jacket and gives birth to the 2 Stage plan to take down Evil Corp) are important for reminding that no matter how differently Malek and Slater play their roles, to an outside observer they are the same person and when he acts "out of character" it could easily just be an emotional outburst.

Incidentally you can see the physicality of the acting if you go back and watch it again.

The end of the season has Elliot, betrayed, alone and terrified for the safety of his sister; finally reach out to Mr. Robot and open a dialogue.

He even goes out of his way to have this discussion on the Ferris Wheel at Coney Island both as a Season 1 callback and as a sign of trust. Elliot admits in this conversation that he missed Mr. Robot while he shut him out and wants him to be part of his life and in the season finale Mr. Robot says that he wants the two of them to keep talking.

Elliot also finds out that the window incident wasn't his dad pushing him out of a window. They jumped. Elliot asks in a kind and soft way to Mr. Robot, representing both his protector and an element of the loving father he wished he had, "did you know?"

Mr. Robot, the one who jumped. The one who wanted to protect Elliot from Edward says nothing. But he finally feels an alliance form with Elliot.

The road to healing finally has opened.

Season 4: Integration and Fusion

So let's address the elephant in the room right away. The show uses the word "real" to describe the Elliot who existed before the show started and considers him to be the only legitimate alter. There is enough wiggle room within the show to think that is in-universe ignorance but the show does nothing to prevent the fumble at the finish line.

I want to say upfront and before I start dissecting this season that outdated models of DID believed that there was a crack formed in a person's sense of self and that healing involved restoring the identity prior to the crack.

This is 100% UNTRUE and it upsets me that people once believed it. DID is formed in childhood during a time of a person's life (between ages 4-9) where the child is taking in data from their surroundings and integrating it into their socialized survival mechanics to form a personality. The child is working out what traits it can exhibit to receive nurture, care and protection from other humans and will adapt to those processes. Attachment Theory goes into greater detail about how this relates to the formation of psychological disorders, especially personality disorders.

For a traumatized child they will find that their environments do not offer consistent and reliable safety and thus they are unable to adapt to a version of their reality where they are able to maintain stable safety. This may be horrifying forms of physical, emotional and sexual abuse placed upon a child and is often depicted as such but it can also be a confused child trying to get affection from a cold and distant parent or having a parent who abuses alcohol and becomes inconsistent in their ability to give affection and care. Child psychology is a heavy and depressing field, sadly.

The result is that the child never forms a permanent sense of identity. This is a large factor in the formation of Borderline Personality Disorder and is why DID and BPD are so often thrown together within medical treatment and diagnosis. It's at the point of which when my therapist gave me our diagnosis she presented a clinical list of "myths" regarding DID and "BPD is the same thing as DID" was 5 on the list of 6.

The point of this detour is to say that there is no original self. A person who has DID never managed to form a stable sense of identity in childhood and thus they find themselves acting as chameleons in their day-to-day life, adapting to what they feel they need to become in order to receive the things they need from their surroundings. It's why there is a stigma in the BPD community over the concept of being "manipulative". In reality people with that condition are unconsciously adapting to their environment as a survival mechanism. With DID the added layer of dissociation is there to help the self function even when they are forced to interact with materials that are incompatible with their ability to function.

Pre-show Elliot was living a fairly comfortable life but his emotional needs were not met and at the time he was alienated from his sister. He was miserable and lived in a society that he felt was crumbling. His daydreaming gave birth to "The Mastermind" to remove the threats from his reality and Mr. Robot who had been there all along went into Protective Sicko Mode and decided to expedite the process in a way only a protector's morality could.

We'll get into system roles a little later.

The point is that day-to-day life Elliot (Janina Fisher's book "Healing the Fragmented Self" refers to the part untouched by trauma as the "going about daily life" part) is not Real. He is not The Original. Those terms do not exist and are meaningless in this space.

True/Real/Orignal-Elliot is as much a construct as Mr. Robot. He's a version of Elliot who does not have to think about the trauma, he can just live a happy normal life. The kind that Elliot speaks often and derisively about in Season 1.

With that out of the way, I'm going to ignore the bad use of language and talk only about what is depicted on the screen and not said out loud. Because if you remove the misconception about real/original from the mixture, this is a perfect depiction of final fusion model healing.

Season 4 introduces us to the conference table in the inner world. A conference table is a therapeutic technique used in trauma therapy where you bring the alters/parts to a conference. The idea is that it needs to be a neutral ground where everyone is comfortable and able to share their thoughts and ideas. With practice it can be a space one can close their eyes and imagine, seeing their system and allowing communication to happen between parts.

Mine is based on the Minerals Gallery in the Natural History Museum in London. I refer to it as The Library. You didn't need to know that but I didn't want to discuss this section without mentioning it.

Elliot's is the conference room in Evil Corp where he and Tyrell spoke in the first episode.

Interestingly enough there are only 4 seats in this set. I'm not sure what the implication is here as in the scene depicted above Magda (Persecutor Alter) is scolding Young Elliot (Child Alter) for sitting in a chair that isn't his. They mention all 3 alters who are not present (Elliot, Mr. Robot and The Other One).

My thought is that this is the show going all in on the idea that Elliot ("Real") is not an alter and does not take a seat at the table. Which I have issues with.

I'll note as I did with the inner-world that this is a therapy technique and not something Elliot would just have in his mind. It's an accurate depiction of DID treatment but Elliot isn't being treated for DID. Krista is no way near close enough to be able to help Elliot. She's wonderful and deserves the world and more for how she handles things in this season but she's in the pre-stabilization phase of therapy where she knows more than Elliot is willing to accept and needs to wait for him to come around.

Speaking of Krista. Episode 7 is the greatest hour of television rivaled only by Ozymandias from Breaking Bad and the M*A*S*H finale. At present it has a 9.9 on IMDB.

The episode is structured as a bottle episode in way of a 5 act play depicting the stages of grief. This is the episode where Elliot peels back to dissociative layers and understands the truth. The truth of what his father did.

I won't type it.

I don't need to.

The next episode involves Elliot seeing Young Elliot and following him to a museum exhibit with a model of Manhattan. In Season 1 when Elliot had his psychotic break after realizing Darlene is his sister Darlene and Angela checked this location stating it was a place he used to go in times of crisis.

It turns out when he was young Elliot hid the key to his bedroom here to prevent Edward from getting in. All these years later adult Elliot (or "The Mastermind" if you prefer, which I do not) discovers it and has a heart-to-heart with his younger self, screaming into the emptiness that he's sorry for not protecting him. Sorry for letting him get hurt.

The scene is lit in the golden hues that symbolize safety in this show. The final season also takes place during Christmas in New York so it gets to show off that color palette more often which is great for symbolism and aesthetic.

Young Elliot shows that the act of hiding the key from their father was protecting him. It was fighting back. Sometimes surviving is the best you can do and you need to forgive yourself for not being able to do more.

God I love this show so much.

That episode ends with the scene I most want to just overtly show off to an audience.

youtube

I already loved the show. The final episode may have broken my heart a little with its talk of "Real" but this scene? This scene gets it.

Prior to the above video clip Mr. Robot cautiously approaches and says "Hey, kiddo". Something he always says. It's who he is. Regardless of anything else he, Mr. Robot, is designed from the father Elliot wishes he had and when he hears Mr. Robot-- no Edward's voice he tenses up in terror, allowing the above scene to take place with Mr. Robot so scared that he has failed as a protector by allowing Elliot to remember and that he cannot be there for him any longer because of who he is based off of.

Those with the condition commonly create alters who are based on the traits of those in the child's life at the time the symptoms developed. I... have experience.

The lines I want to focus on the most are:

Mr Robot: If I could go back in time and change everything that happened to you... just make it all go away...

Elliot: Then I wouldn't be me... *He turns to finally look at Mr. Robot* ...and I wouldn't have you.

The final arc of the show is where the "Mastermind" twist takes center stage and Elliot enters his inner-world and finds out that he created a peaceful reality for "Real" Elliot to exist in so that he is unharmed by the horrors of the world that is crumbling in reality. Mr. Robot, as a protector, wanted to expedite the whole hack and destruction of capitalism in order to rescue "Real" Elliot from the inner-world prison. In time he came to accept "Mastermind" as a part of the whole and not a rogue alter who was endangering the body and their "Host".

S4E13 lays it all down. An imagined version of Krista speaks directly to Elliot and explains the system and their functions. Mr. Robot a father and protector who could prevent Elliot from intolerable situations. Magda, a persecutor who blamed Elliot for the abuse. Young Elliot, who Elliot could push the traumatic situations on, a common thing that many do unconsciously in CPTSD situations, dissociating from the person the trauma happened to, disconnecting until they are just another version of self.

Elliot then says "I guess she doesn't know about you." referring to us, the audience.

Krista(*) looks into the camera and addresses us directly, calling us the voyeurs who pretend we're not a part of it even though we have been here for it all. She even claims we are on her side in getting "Mastermind" to accept he is a constructed personality who was there to lash out at the society that caused him so much pain.

"You loved him so much you wanted to keep him safe, no matter the cost."

The episode ends with "Mastermind" Elliot waking up in a hospital and reuniting with Darlene only to realize that she has known the entire time that the person we have been following throughout the show wasn't her "real" brother.

...and god damn it I hate this element of the show so much.

I'll accept that they had very little time to clean things up and needed to get a way to have Mastermind agree to the fusion. I'll even demonize Darlene and say she was being selfish and ignorant in saying something hurtful because she missed the version of her brother that existed before Fsociety.

But Our version of Elliot says that he loves her and she doesn't reply. Her disappointment and resignation causes Our Elliot to go back inside and agree to the fusion.

The show ends in a first person perspective of Darlene seeing her "real" brother wake up and that's it. I'm glad we never actually see "Real" Elliot, that feels fitting.

Here's the thing about that last minute fumble though.

Let's talk about Integration and Fusion. They are different things.

Integration is when dissociative barriers come down. The system is stabilized to the point of which the alters are capable of communicating openly, sharing thoughts, memories and experiences and every part has the ability to opt in or out as life goes on.

"Functional Multiplicity" is what happens when a system is in harmony, no memories are being withheld and the system is able to go about everyday life with minimal disruption or disregulation. It is a valid goal for trauma therapy and there's a decent amount of medical stigma around it being used as the goal and not a step towards the goal. Many clinicians prioritize the appearance of normalcy over the function of the individual(s).

Fusion is when you go the extra step and take this communication and sharing of memory and experience and as you tore down the dissociative barriers you tear away the division between parts.

A system is made up of parts that make up a whole person and Fusion is the process of all parts uniting to "become" that whole person. It is a valid and normal goal for treatment. It shouldn't be held up as the only legitimate method of healing but it shouldn't be demonized for being an option. I say this because I have seen some people in support communities get real upset when the topic comes up.

The final sequence of the show, prior to Elliot opening his eyes, involves the system at the inner-world conference table agreeing to go through with it and walking towards a cinema screen. Elliot says this will only work if we go too.

The family (and audience) sit down in the movie theatre and memories flood onto the screen and pour out until all experiences and emotions are shared in one pool and Elliot Alderson opens his eyes with all 5(+audience) alters fused into one.

It was almost perfect if only Darlene hadn't have rejected the "not real" brother.

The cinema screen projecting memories, all the thoughts and experiences being shared as the Alderson System accept their parts in the whole and agree to the process? It was a beautiful visualization of a healing journey.

There are imperfect moments here and there. There are great moments I skipped over such as S3E8 (I'm not up for talking about Self-Deletion today) but all in all it's the best depiction of DID for a main character we'll likely get on TV. It's a whole and complete narrative and I love it so much. It makes me feel seen.

#dawn posting #mr robot #dissociative identity disorder #elliot alderson #did #plurality #domo arigato mr alderson #media myself and i #watch me post my trauma in public #Youtube #media essays

69 notes · View notes