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authenticaussie · 2 months

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Alright so I just finished Batman:TAS recently and started watching Superman:TAS and it delights me that the first episode is literally just: superman??? Who dat. This is aliens :)) (even if Brainiac does say "human error, Jor-el"). So obviously I do now have aus. Obviously <3 shout-out to @midnightluck for the Justice League, @cer-rata for Terry and @suzukiblu for Jordan + putting up with the initial ramble

So anyway Brianiac's satellite upload gets fucked up by Jor-el either in petty revenge or as an accident, and a part of Brainiac ends up on Clark's ship. The vague explanation I have is that Brainiac is the AI for everything and in TAS, Jor-el also does not realise he is "evil" and thus still uses his help as a navigator for Clark's ship while he is initially building it. The ship, however, is offline to prevent the Kryptoninan council from finding out about it, and thus, that section of Brainiac does not get taken back into the satellite upload.

As it is BARELY the 90's when the Kents find Clark after the crash, Brainiac is summarily useless thanks to the current lack of wifi, but manages to mostly teach himself English and Kal kryptonian, and decides that. >:( since they're BOTH there, they can BOTH be vestibules of kryptonian knowledge. And also Kal can get him more earth knowledge. The vibes entirely are: "Weird aspects of kryptonian culture taught by an unbodied dickhead historian" and while the argument is "but brainiac is evil!" Main brainiac is. But this is a subsection of Brainiac :) he learnt more stuff + Clark loves him soooo much.

Unfortunately. That is His baby now. He is not impressed with his baby. His baby bought him a growing chick the other day, with big sad eyes, and said the kryptonian word for fluffy!!! in such a mournful tone that Brainiac resigned himself to teaching kal about how growing up worked and that the chicken needed feathers to fly. This explanation ends with Clark collecting feathers and trying to jump off the barn roof, and he thus resolves to extend further co-parenting issues to the Kents. For his own personal convenience, of course.

It does of course ALSO mean that Brainiac, who has a loose definition of the words "surveillance state" absolutely gets in at the ground floor when the internet first starts up. Clark's influence relegates him to the background, but he is good at hiding ! So they don't realise they have an AI in the wifi! But ohhhh boy does brainiac scare a few people at first. Potentially tries to do his "i am helpful" schtick before realising he is not useful in this because he's basically just. Seems completely like a troll? He's some random person who's invaded the internet!!

However he is also the inspiration for google 😂 and calls it his younger, stupider sibling. It is also funny to me to think about earth compsci engineers having NO idea why sometimes the internet acts SO DAMN WEIRD <- brainiac's fault.

As a result though, when Clark starts up as Superman, Brainiac does NOT let the Kr project off the ground. Files are misdirected and blackmail is gathered. Until one day Kal says something sad about how he'll never be able to have a great romance, because he's terrified of telling anyone the alien thing, and that he's always thought about kids but he's kinda terrified because what if he hurts someone- and Brainiac is like ah yes wait. I shall fix this for my Only Kryptonian.

TWO kids for the price of one?!? he finds, after he goes searching, and then further prodding finds THIRTEEN children, extraordinary. Not all of them are viable because the earth scientists truly are incapable but Brainiac can fix the issues with their technology to ensure Kal has the children he wants.

"How many children did you think of, kal-el?" he asks, and Clark laughs at how kindly his friend/uncle/grandfather figure treats his silly selfishness.

"Oh, man, sometimes I think: as many as I can carry! But then- I don't want Superman to get in the way of being a good dad. Too many and I won't be there for them like I should, you know? I worry about that, I guess."

"As many as you can carry is a significant amount," Brainiac says dubiously, already imagining teaching these numerous children kryptonian culture and Also that they are Not chickens. "I do not think that can be fulfilled effectively."

Five minutes later Clark has five children and has realised his matchbox apartment and budding romance with Lois Lane are both complicated things he will now have to resolve. He's basically commuting daily to the Daily Planet from Smallville, thank god for superspeed and his endlessly patient parents, jfc

(Children I was thinking of: the destablised kon!clone from SB94/The Ravers, Kon, Match, Bizarro, and Mia. Alternatively they went old-school with Biz so Brainiac didn't get a chance to help him/he's older than the other kids when Clark finally mentions wanting kids, to Brainiac, and thus Biz ends up like. The kids' uncle. There ARE technically twelve clones before Kon. I could've given you thirteen-fifteen kids, Clark.)

Anyway this does mean that either a) when Lois finds out Kal is superman this is not his biggest secret, b) Kon rocks up as Superboy and Lois, once she finds out Clark is Superman, immediately goes: WAIT BUT SUPERBOY'S YOUR KID. ARE YOU MARRIED??? or c) everyone at the Daily Planet thinks Clark just. Got really unlucky with different people he slept with and someone in the world's wildest stroke of luck they all ended up pregnant. Because Clark Does Not mention a partner when it is eventually revealed he has kids.

He probably does keep them a secret for a while though. A) He doesn't want them to have to try and be "normal" since they're only just out of the pod and B) I feel like, weirdly, Clark is somehow that co-worker that people like. barely know anything about. You like them and they're so helpful! and good-natured! and then you get him in the office secret santa and realise you're not even 100% what his favourite colour is or if he has a pet.

Anyway, Lois: he is NOT expecting Lois to get pregnant and they have to have a Long talk about it because Brainiac is. :) Being an asshole about species compatibility and the fact that it is "not natural" for Kryptonians to be created biologically rather than properly, in a pod, and also: Clark already has five freaking kids. That's a lot of kids! Are they going to be okay having a brother that much (at least five-ten years I'm thinking, depending on if we go: Brainiac gives him multiple children of multiple ages, or multiple young children of the same age,) younger than them??? And then there's Chris, too, who rocked up just after Clark and Lois started dating, and is still pretty high needs because he only mostly speaks Kryptonian (and is lowkey terrified of Brainiac, so Clark's main babysitter is out) (also please please imagine how freaking cute the subplot of "chris realises this brainiac is not the nightmare his stories told him about; watching his new siblings do things that Brainiac would have killed them for, terrified for them because he heard the stories of how long Brainiac bided his time--)

But this is also: how many kids can we give clark, the fic, and thus they have Jon, and then Jon exhibits so many kryptonian characteristics and Lois doesn't mean to but she's a little wine drunk and says, "i love them, you know, they're all perfect, Jon's perfect, I was just- I'm terrified for him. If we raise him right he's gonna be just like his dad…and you know what? I was wanting my own little Lane. Someone to follow my footsteps. I'm feeling a bit outnumbered here, haha!"

Brainiac: hm. I will amend this. (Makes and artificially grows human!Jordan so he displays more human genetic characteristics As Lois Wants)

Brainiac: I have created Jon-el's twin for you, Lane. You are welcome.

Lois: um what

Clark: honey no you can't talk about children with Brainiac he will make more

Lois: WHAT.

Lois: OUR CO-WORKERS KNOW I DIDN'T HAVE TWINS, KENT.

Clark: …. you're gonna have to be one of those weird "I didn't know I was still pregnant" stories…. 😂

Lois: 😭 Clark you know those are only funny when they are NOT HAPPENING TO ME

Clark: you didn't know you were pregnant….. literally

Lois must engage in the gaslighting of all of her coworkers <3 What do you mean you didn't realise she had twins she's shown you both of them? Of course they look the same they're babies. Of course she always had twins. She carried them. Did you carry her babies? Of course she would know. Isn't that right, Clark? …. isn't that right, Clark?

Clark: "Where else would she'a gotten a baby from, guys? An alien?"

Brainiac: hello i have delivered the child. Where is my thanks? It has still not been conveyed? I am doing the Literal Best as the Literal Best AI ever? Excuse me? You ignore Brainiac?

Brainiac: death for one thousand humans-!!!

Martha: 🥰 Brainiac I'm so proud of you for always making sure these kids are taken care of. Giving us Jordan! Oh, you marvellous robot

Brainiac: …. acceptable, Matriarch Kent

either that or Lois shoots herself in the foot and everyone thinks Clark is STILL the man with the world's worst luck and the strongest genetics ever:

"Lois, honey…how are Jon and Jordan so close in age? If they're not twins?"

"Uh- Jordan is adopted!"

Everyone: looks at Jordan, who is Jon's splitting image

Everyone: …..okay

Anyway because this AU is wildly cliche, very obviously the Bit of Brainiac that helped Clark grow up re-integrates with Brainiac prime during a Big Dramatic Battle where all of the Superfam are getting hurt, and manages to stop/halt Brainiac prime from hurting Clark and the Kryptokids at the cost of his existence.

Jordan gets to punch it in the circuits cause he's the only one not affected by kryptonite but still has the general invulnerability. (And then Jon and/or Kon and meeting the LoSH and they realise their grandfather Brainiac has very much been continued in Brainiac 5's code :3 for an open-ish happy ending of "hey good exists forever and always regardless of heritage")

GRANDPA LEARNS LOVE AND AFFECTION.

GRANDPA CHANGES FROM GENERAL SELF SERVICE AND SELFISHNESS AND REALISES HE LOVES KAL AND THE KENTS AND HE WILL PROTECT THEM

GRANDPA ALSO WANTS ACCESS TO THE INTERNET. There is a constant battle and it does work for a while because he is elected babysitter of the kryptokids and he is only a small part of Brainiac, five kids does stretch the circuits he developed from Clark's pod, but it's a constant cycle.

"Kal-el, son of house of el, I demand google, I have not finished investigating the 'man of Bats'. Why are there two variations of his name?"

"You mean Dark Knight?"

"THERE ARE THREE? KAL-EL, PROVIDE ME WITH THE WIFI IMMEDIATELY--"

Also when Brainiac finds out that Clark's birthday falls on a human holiday he. He tries. He tries to do pranks. Most of them are vaguely and accidentally evil (Chris cries when Brainiac takes over the internet for the day and makes every search engine answer questions wrong), but he tries. He knows Clark likes pranks! He is trying to participate! It's family bonding!!!

Braniac: It is your 33rd April fool's day.

Clark: Yep!

Braniac: I have finally decided to assist you with a prank.

Clark:...oh?

Braniac: Behold! (Small boy with dark hair, blue eyes and a square jaw walks in, dressed in a decent little suit.)

Clark: Braniac you CANNOT keep making...Wait. No. No you didn't--

Braniac: A prank to share with your closest friend!

Braniac: I have been calling him "Bruce" for my records, but you may want to pick something else for clarity.

Clark: 😦😳😬💀

(And thus we have Terry)

Also, while Clark is pretty secretive about his kids, when/if any of them go out with a Superfam name, and/or after he gets closer with the Justice League, there are little slip ups. He does really love his kids!!! And at the point where he's joined the JL he's been with Lois for a few years now and is used to mentioning them every now and then at the Daily Planet/trauma sure does bond you together :) and he trusts the core members of the JL pretty well. Someone makes fun of Bruce for his "hoard" of children and his "adoption problem" and Clark snorts and then chokes. Bruce has barely adopted Tim and/or has only just gotten Cass. Four? Please, Clark's almost at double digits.

Or Hal is talking about the fact that he doesn't know what to get his niece for her birthday; Clark asks how old she is, and goes "Seven? Oh, yeah. Go for Monster High, it's really big right now. The dolls are pretty cool."

"Lol why do you know so much about dolls, you have a secret collection-"

"What? No, my daughter likes them."

Hal:

Barry complains about how many birthdays he has to go to and Clark laughs. "Oh, tell me about it! Mia, Mark ((Match)), Chris and Mara all had birthday parties for their school friends in the same week - thank god for superspeed, right?"

Barry, who was talking about volunteering to visit kids' birthday parties at different orphanages in Central: Clark what are you talking about.

Also, Clark's an idiot and decides to introduce Brainiac's "prank" to Bruce on the watchtower because hey! It's neutral ground! And none of his kids can hear into space, thank fuck.

Clark: so....Bruce....you know how you were complaining about being an empty nester. Now that Damian's gone to college. Well. Hm. (pulls Terry from behind him) Surprise!

Bruce: .......You have a new child.

Clark: er. Well. sort of!

Terry, staring at Bruce like the autism creature: O_O

Bruce: .....I have a new child.

(also probably terry's backstory then includes some amanda waller induced kidnapping and potentially a bit of amnesia and adoption by another family but hey, he finds bruce again eventually!)

(also match does try and be the badboy of the family and does hang out with thad, when thad comes up to kill Bart, but. they both just. accidentally vaguely rehabilitate each other? They're not good, but they don't murder, at least. It's a low, low bar. When Clark tries to disappointed-face him, Match just says he's following in Grandpa Brainiac's footsteps and does Clark REALLY expect him to disregard a family legacy-- and you can give him some suicide squad angst or whatever, but the fam is still. there for him.)

(Mia and Kara get into a fist fight when they first meet; then they are best friends. Mia's not great at 'being Kryptonian', especially because she was one of the first attempts, and as per canon is technically a human who they tried to overwrite with Kryptonian DNA, and thus doesn't entirely understand Kara's connection to their 'home', but as a result she also ends up being Kara's confidant in it, because unlike Kal she does understand being taken away from your home and not being able to go back to it, and yet does not have...the same connection the way the other members of the Superfam do, and the disconnect allows Kara to actually talk about Kyrpton instead of mourn)

(Kon does try and grab the spotlight; Clark is trying to let him have freedom, after both Mia and Match went a bit....bitey at his attempts to keep them safe until they were older, but he's still the more naive of his siblings. Thankfully for Clark, he does get to introduce Kon to Robin, and while they don't hit it off, it is enough to mitigate the worst of the fallout of Rex's sleazy bs and Knockout's crimes ): When he joins YJ Clark is both proud of his heroism and a little scared that one of his kids is actually deciding to follow in his footsteps.)

(Mara is Kon's destabilised clone, from when he learns about paul westfield. We did not have enough girls in this family and thus part of their journey of self-identity was the fact that in a family of loud personalities they weren't great at speaking up; it takes a while for them to admit they want a new name and to use she/they pronouns, but by the time Jon and Jordan are five everyone's used to the change. Mara and Kon are closest, even though Kon and Mark/Match are technically sort-of twins; they clash waaay too much in temperament and personality. Kon was much better at playing protector to his little sibling, especially after they came out, and Mara shares "Supergirl" with Kara - she's only a backup member of the titans, though, and has the compassion and strength for heroism but sometimes too much empathy. Does a lot of relief work and peaceful outreach programs. They love a lot.)

(Chris?? no self sacrifice here!!! He has a bunch of fucking siblings with TTK, he is NOT going into that portal)

(There are two Nightwings; every now and then they debate who should switch to Flamebird, jokingly, and yet both of them have perfectly valid arguments - it's kryptonian! / I look good in blue! - and thus it never comes to fruition. When Mia and takes on Flamebird they give it up entirely; it helps that Chris ends up doing a lot of intergalactic work, so there isn't much confusion on earth with the call sign.)

When Jon is old enough to want to switch from Superboy he 100% puppydog eyes Chris into giving him the Nightwing handle so he can give it to Dami, and snags Flamebird from Mia. Dick decides he can live with that and is trying to take care of his own kid so is semi-retired (and can snag it back from Dami if he ever gets too bored).

For a bit there are def still two Flamebirds, but then Mia and Chris decide to team up for intergalactic stuff and to bully Mara into more fistfights, so then they're Trio and just go by Mar-El, Lor-Zod, and Mi-El. I know that is not how female names work on Krypron but I also think Lois Lane, who kept her name and also gave both Jon and Jordan her last name, hyphenated, heard of that shit and went "absolutely not". Either that or Mara decides to keep her Kryptonian name as Mar-El and Mia is Mia Kal-el, or copies her mom and is like naw Fuck This, especially considering her.....lack of general connection to Krypton? Could be fun for any :3 (Or maybe in space she just goes by Lane; time for her semi-mom to get recognition. Mara is already showcasing the house of El, Chris is rehabilitating the house of Zod, she's gonna kick butt for the house of Lois.)

....Though this does potentially mean i have accidentally called Match "Mat-el" and the Barbie jokes from that. Would be. Iconic.

Anyway that's the Grandpa Brainy au! Tune in next week when I force Cerata to watch Arthur and the Invisibles with me and start talking about bug-prince Kon-el and Lois' adventure to save her husband from a tiny evil overlord.

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theemporium · 11 months

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hey cece!! wondering if you could write jealous poly!marauders(i just watched hsm2 and i watched the everyday mv again so this is heavily influenced) where they go to watch readers play where she’s a main character and she’s got a male co-star and they’ve got a big musical number together and you can pretty much take it from there

god i love hsm 2, it is the best one and i will die on that hill!🤠 thank you for requesting!🖤

They wanted to be supportive boyfriends.

They really, really did.

But it was difficult to do so when you were prancing around the stage in an outfit that made you look drop dead gorgeous with your male co-star following behind your every step.

It was a part of the show. They knew that. Hell, they had even helped you with some of the lines when you were practising outside of rehearsals so they were more than aware that there was romance involved in the play, let alone a few duet musical numbers you would be performing with your love interest in the play.

But those scenes seemed totally different when they realised they weren’t just silly scenes you would read with them, but actual scenes you would be performing with another man—another man you were pretending to be head over heels, totally in love with.

All three of them had been practically pouting and seething in their seats as they watched the play, pretending like they weren’t glaring at your male co-star for a majority of the show. And they tried to act like they were fine, like they weren’t absolutely and undoubtedly jealous of what they had just witnessed.

“His hands did not need to be that low on her,” Sirius grumbled as they waited outside in the corridor for you.

“Shut up,” James snapped at him. “I’m trying to forget.”

“Pretty hard to forget when the whole bloody scene was—”

However, a sharp jab to his ribs from Remus quickly drew both boys’ attention to you as you barrelled through the double doors, dropping your bag on the floor as you practically launched yourselves at your boyfriends.

“You came!” you laughed happily as James caught you, squeezing you a little tighter than usual but you didn’t seem to question it.

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Remus smiled softly at you as he handed you the bouquet of flowers, a smaller version of the multiple bouquets they had decorated your room with.

“You were fucking brilliant up there, love,” Sirius grinned at you as he pulled you towards him, pressing a sloppy kiss on your cheek. “Best bloody one up there.”

“Oh please,” you laughed him off, ignoring the way your cheeks heated at the compliment. “The whole cast were amazing—”

But you paused when you noticed James scoffing and rolling his eyes. You paused, your eyes narrowing at the boy who quickly realised you caught him and tried to flash you an innocent smile. But that only confirmed that he was hiding something.

“James,” you said in a warning voice.

“Yes, baby?” he answered, ignoring the looks Sirius and Remus were sending him.

“What are you not telling me?” you asked him.

But the boy stayed silent.

“Jamie,” you took a step towards him, your hands on his chest as you looked up at him with a pout and you knew you had him where you wanted him.

“Prongs,” Remus grumbled in a warning voice.

But you were looking up at him with wide eyes and his self-control was practically non-existent with you.

“His hands were all over you!” James eventually blurted out.

“One job,” Sirius grumbled behind you.

Your brows furrowed together. “What?”

“His hands were all over you!” James repeated with a slightly whiny sigh. “Only we should be able to touch you like that.”

Realisation dawned on you and you couldn’t help but snort as you glanced at all three of your boys. “You’re all jealous.”

“No, we aren’t—”

“Yeah, we are.”

Both boys glared at James.

“Awww, my boys,” you cooed with a smile before patting James’ chest. “Don’t worry, you’re the only boys for me. Three is more than enough, I don’t need four. Now, c’mon, you big babies. Let’s go home.”

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little-emerald-snake · 5 months

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Hey there 🙏 i love your Storys! Can you write one in which seb and ominis also get spicy with each other for the first time, a threesome, maybe in a Common room over the holidays, maybe including Alcohol for a chill Atmosphere, cuddling, good dirty talk 🤭, mouth Spitting, Oral, anal,...oh god this list could go so much longer. I hope this gives you Inspiration 😘

Merry Christmas friend,

I loved this prompt and for the life of me I didn’t know if you meant all of these separate or all together but I managed to mash them all into one and made it my secret Christmas special. I hope you enjoy! 🎄

All I want for Christmas is two fictional Slytherin boys 💕

Warnings: under the influence of alcohol, spit swallowing, degradation and name calling, mmf threesome, oral f receiving, anal fingering, unprotected p-in-v, first time mm, unprotected anal sex

1.9k words

She’d been so happy when Sebastian and Ominis had volunteered to stay at school with her over the holidays, making sure she had friends who care about her to ease the ache the holidays usually brought her.

She’d been even more thrilled when Sebastian had pulled them into the empty Slytherin common room where he’d gathered a hoard of blankets and pillows to make a cozy nest in front of the crackling glow of the fireplace. It was close to the massive Christmas tree in the common room as well, one of her favorite things.

She was already a bit silly because of the amount of firewhiskey she’d consumed and Sebastian leaned over, taking the cup from her. “You need to slow down darling, or you’ll make yourself sick.”

She giggled, lolling against Ominis who hadn’t expected her to come crashing into his side while he took a sip and spilled a bit. He rolled his eyes and set his drink far off to the side to avoid another spill. “For once, Sebastian is right. You’re making a mess.”

Sebastian pulled her close to him, causing her to blush. The warmth of his chest against her back and the warmth of the firewhiskey in her belly had her feeling loose and safe, not something she’d often felt around the holidays.

Sebastian slid his hand up her side teasingly. “Are you blushing? Ominis, she’s blushing. Think it��s cus she’s drunk or does she like it when I cuddle her and touch her?”

She blushed harder when Ominis’ hands joined Sebastian’s, roaming first over her shoulder then down across her chest and to her stomach. “Ohh, she’s blushing even more, Om. She likes you touching her like that.”

Ominis seemed to gain a bit of confidence, letting his hands slide back up her stomach and over her breasts where he gently squeezed. “If you don’t like it, just let me know and I’ll stop.”

Ominis was pleased when instead of asking him to stop she leaned into the touch, a small moan falling past her lips. She moaned louder when Sebastian’s hands met Ominis’, pinching her nipples lightly. “Do you like this?”

She nodded against Seb’s chest, letting a breathy moan fall from her lips. Her hips slid back against Sebastian who she could feel was enjoying this as much as she was from the hardness against her rear.

Sebastian tsk’d her, reaching over to pull Ominis’ leg out and angling her hips against it. “Grind on his knee while we touch you. Yea. Just like that, pretty girl.”

She moaned, grinding her clothed center against Ominis’ knee, just as Sebastian had instructed. Ominis hummed in satisfaction. “She’s so warm between her legs, Sebastian. Feels like all the extra firewhiskey she drank went straight to warming her pussy.”

Sebastian chuckled, tilting her head back and looking into her eyes. “Is that so? Do you want more, pretty girl? Wanna make sure that pussy is nice and warmed up?”

She nodded, even as Ominis tried to protest the idea of giving her more alcohol. Sebastian took a swig straight from the bottle, and tipped her head back towards him.

He leaned down for what she thought was a kiss but was surprised when he held her chin in place and pushed her lips open, spitting the firewhiskey into her mouth.

She swallowed it quickly, getting hot for an entirely different reason. Sebastian could see it in her eyes and grinned, holding her chin in place. “Yea? You like me spitting in your mouth?”

Ominis gripped her hips, reminding her to grind herself against him while listening to them. “You’re absolutely filthy Sebastian.”

Sebastian grinned at his blind friend, who didn’t look as disgusted as he really made it sound. She nodded up at Sebastian, letting him know that no matter what Ominis said, she did in face like the idea of Seb spitting into her mouth and being forced to swallow.

At her approval Sebastian gripped her cheeks, forcing her mouth open and spitting directly onto her tongue. “Filthy fucking girl, swallow it like a good girl for me.”

She did, grinding against Ominis and swallowing for Seb, her pretty eyes filled with so much heat at everything they did. “Yea? You like it that much? Want to taste Ominis too? Filthy slut.”

She nodded again, turning forward to look at Ominis whose eyebrows rose. That didn’t stop him from leaning up on an elbow and gripping her chin. She opened obediently and he spit inside her mouth.

She hummed as she swallowed and Sebastian chuckled but Ominis is the one who spoke. “Making a fucking wet mess on my pants, love. You’re soaking through all the layers of fabric between us. Poor horny little thing.”

Sebastian reached down to run two fingers across the soaking wet center of her panties and groaned. “So fucking wet, just how we need you, pretty girl. Get on top of the covers and undress for me, beautiful.”

She did as she was told, climbing out from under the covers and shedding every piece of clothing till she laid bare for them.

Sebastian groaned, pointing down to the blanket. She quickly laid down on her back, anxiously spreading her legs. Sebastian stripped off his own clothes and her eyes greedily raked over the smattering of freckles across his skin.

He dipped down, laying on his stomach with his head between her thighs. He gave one teasing lick to her soaking wet center, groaning at her taste while she whimpered, hand flying to fist his hair.

Her eyes trailed to Ominis who, fully clothed, sat beside her face, leaning over and holding his thumb to her mouth. “Suck this. He’s gonna need it nice and wet, I promise.”

She blushed and took Ominis’ thumb into her mouth and rolling her tongue over it generously. With his free hand, Ominis undid his trousers and her eyes locked onto his erection springing free only inches from her face.

Once he was satisfied, Ominis pulled his thumb from her mouth and sat up, letting the bob of his erection brush her lips. “Now you work on this while I work on him. He’ll really want this nice and wet

Sebastian licked and sucked her pussy like he’d die without it. The pleasure was so intense that it became a struggle to suck on Ominis without moaning around his cock. When she did moan, Ominis thrusted into her mouth gently to remind her of the task at hand.

Her eyes flit between watching Ominis preparing Seb for what she could only assume was his cock and Sebastian who’s looking up at her while sliding his tongue eagerly across her clit in maddening circles.

She gripped tightly in his brunette curls, hips lifting and eyes shutting as she came apart on Seb’s tongue. Ominis pulled out from her mouth, letting her moan freely while getting ready behind Sebastian.

Once she’d come back to earth from her orgasm her eyes lock on Seb who’d started grinding himself against the blanket and whimpering as Ominis finger fucked his ass, fingers stretching him open.

Her eyes met Ominis’ lips as he muttered a wandless charm, suddenly creating a symphony of squelching noises from Sebastian’s ass. “Fuck Om, fingers feel so good I won’t last long like that.”

Ominis grinned, pulling his fingers out, adjusting Sebastian up to his knees between her legs. It was so intimate seeing Sebastian’s reddened cheeks and need stricken face meeting her wide eyes. “H-have you guys done this before?”

Sebastian shook his head as Ominis lines up behind Sebastian, muttering another lubrication charm and pumping his shaft in his hand while responding. “No. But if he’s gonna take my cock then it’d be wise for him to be distracted by fucking you.”

She nodded in agreement and Seb pulled a pillow closer, helping her prop her hips up onto it for a better angle. He prowled the few inches forward and his lust burning eyes flick up to her face, searching for any sign he should stop. “Do you really want this?”

She nods eagerly, letting him line up before locking her ankles around the back of his knees. Sebastian sunk home on the first thrust. Her eyes squoze shut as she felt Ominis sink into Sebastian from up top.

A hiss of air left Sebastian’s lips but he didn't seem uncomfortable. Instead he squeezed her cheeks and she opened her mouth obediently, he spit into her mouth again. “Good fucking girl, you’re mine.”

A wave of heat washes over her and Ominis pulls out only to thrust back in. She can tell he’s being gentle but the twisted look of agonizing pleasure written so clearly across Sebastian’s face has her brain swimming.

Ominis chuckled, rolling his hips leisurely, causing Seb to twitch inside of her. “He’s already all starry eyed and cock drunk isn’t he? Bet he looks so good, lost in pleasure between us like this.”

She barely lets out a whimper of agreeance before Seb’s hips twitch to life, dragging pleasure from her body. She can tell the reaction isn’t entirely voluntary but it feels so good she dropped her head back and closed her eyes to enjoy the ride. “Oh, fuck.”

Sebastian practically keens between their bodies, hands groping anywhere he can reach in an attempt to ground himself to reality.

Ominis strikes a spot within him that has him bucking harshly and moaning brokenly. “Ah! S-so good! Fuck!”

Ominis’ focus clips and he moans, focusing back on that spot which in turn has Sebastian rutting conveniently into her g spot. She realizes now why he placed the pillows under her. No matter how he thrusts, she’s angled so he will slam right into her sweet spot.

Finally the boys find a rhythm and her neck is bared as her eyes roll back in absolute pleasure. She’s fighting the urge to fall apart under them both, hanging on to hope that one of them will cave first.

Sebastian sounds so fucked out and needy that his wines carry through the common room, not an ounce of hesitation. “O-oh fuck! I-I’m gonna cum! C-can’t stop! Ah!”

She shuttered, allowing herself to cum as Sebastian slams into her g spot, cum flowing into her and filling her so full she can feel it leaking out of her and making a mess.

Ominis seems to lose his composure as Sebastian tightens around him. His hips stutter and his eyes slam shut before a chorus of moans flows past his thin lips.

They lay there in a sweaty heap till finally Ominis peels himself from Sebastian’s sticky skin, grunting when he pulls from Sebastian with an audible pop.

She blushes as Sebastian pushes himself up on shaky legs and pulls himself from her next. His eyes trail the cum seeps from her pussy and he grips his wand, muttering a cleaning charm for all three of them.

Finally having the burning urges inside of them satiated, Sebastian lays down against Ominis and pulls her against his chest with a content sigh.

Ominis twirls a lock of Sebastian’s brown curls and she nuzzles against Seb, getting comfortable as she drapes a leg over both of Seb’s and one of Ominis’. “My Slytherin boys for Christmas is all I ever wanted.”

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy smut #hogwarts legacy fanfiction #ominis gaunt #sebastian sallow #sebinis #sebastian sallow fanfiction #ominis gaunt fanfiction #sebastian sallow smut #ominis gaunt smut #little emerald snake #requests

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hanniejji · 2 years

Text

doll

[ kunikuzushi!scaramouche x okami!reader ]

summary: in a desperate hope that yae could still give ei's puppet a chance to live, she turns to you, an ancient godlike being born with the physique of a wolf and a former friend that she hasn't seen since makoto's death. yet, as she persuades you, she starts to realize that maybe this was her biggest mistake yet.

notes: nah y/n's just being a silly wolf, they're not gonna do anything bad to kuni 🥺 not yet ehe just kidding she's just a lil salty i based y/n's form from okami, a mythological wolf deity in japan but im not japanese so i may be culturally incorrect im so sorry ackskf | m.list

words: 1131 | warnings: a little mean and rude reader but only a lil ackskf

"it's a kid."

"as you can obviously see."

you sent a sharp side eye towards the smug fox, your arms crossed in an attitude that only you are privileged to make known to the ever magnificent yae miko. if it was anyone else, she would have said a word or two about their respect towards her.

but this is you.

you who used to signify great strength among your kind—you still do, but not as much when you were still active in the battlefield—and once stood beside the ever wise makoto, the first archon of inazuma.

you, veteran warrior of the archon war who survived the great calamity five hundred years ago, now being forced into some… babysitting nonsense.

"it's a fucking kid."

"watch your mouth, dear. after all, he is a kid," she winked. "and what do they say about kids? they are easily influenced by the people they are surrounded with, so if i were you i would be very careful if i don't want him spewing curses here and there."

"what is a kid, he, doing here?"

your eyes stared down at the shivering boy on the ground, meeting his terrified purple eyes that resembled someone you once knew. he's the spitting image of them, long luscious purple hair and amethyst eyes that shined brighter than any other vajrada stones you've seen—you're just being a little biased, you secretly love those cor lapis you only seen merchants bring through the port but you don't exactly say they out loud where anyone can hear you.

"that's a long story."

"well then, get talking."

"my, my, what got you so sour today?" yae's alluring giggles infuriated you more than the sight of this boy in front of you.

"you are well aware of why i prohibited any trespasses in my abode, guuji yae," your tone nearly turns to a growl at your ex-acquaintance's new title—you can almost see the way she backs away but she surely regained her composure as quick as lightning, but her flattened ears says otherwise—"and yet here you are, shamelessly asking me for a favor after i made it clear that my ties with the shogun and her connections are severed with my own claws."

"yes, i am aware," she exasperatedly sighs, "but this is a pressing matter that i can only turn to you for help."

"by dumping the child of the shogun on me?"

"y/n!" yae frowned at your tone, one of her hands coming to rest upon the boy's trembling shoulder. "if you could please take the time to understand where i am coming from, it would be greatly appreciated. listen to me, just this time."

the two of you stared at each other in silence, both of you radiating an intimidating aura of authority that only some of the most prominent species in inazuma has. your eyes glowered menacingly, a growl resounding from the back of your throat that sent yae miko into tremors of fear. you, who had stood next to the defenders of inazuma. yae miko barely stands a chance against you.

"please," she faltered against your everlasting gaze. "at least give the boy a chance."

your eyes brought its gaze to the trembling boy. his head is lowered to the ground, an evident effect of your show of strength. fear is literally plastered in the way he's trembling, elbows shaking despite having both of his hands keeping him up from falling limp on the ground. tears were dripping from his pale cheeks, soft whimpers of his cries being desperately muffled by biting into the pulp of his lower lip. it's no doubt that they're swollen by now—in fact, if he was human, you could probably smell the smallest hint of metallic blood from just a tiny crack on the skin of his lips.

pathetic, you scoffed, this? is supposed to hold the gnosis of a god? perhaps ei has forgotten the difference between a celestial being and a mere puppet.

"why is the shogun rejecting her own creation?"

the boy let out a whimper louder than the rest.

sensitive, too emotional.

"she did not reject him," yae crossed her arms at the accusation, bravely sending you a dirty look, "i would love to explain everything to you in detail, just not in his presence."

"oh?"

she grimaces at the victorious smirk on your face.

"why not let him listen? after all," you walk towards the boy, crouching right in front of him. a hand raises to tilt his chin up, eyes glowing in amusement at his confused look, "does he not deserve an explanation as to why his own creator—or better yet, his mother—decided to entrust him in the hands of someone like me?"

you hold his face in your hands, thumbs caressing the apple of his cheeks and cooing at the way they turn pink.

the way humans do.

"is ei," your voice lowers to a sultry tone, a hypnotic sound that turns the boy into a puddle of something akin to reverence, doe eyes staring back at yours, "turning her eyes away from a mistake she made on her own, like the blind coward she is?"

"that's enough," yae hissed, snapping the boy out of his trance and he cowers away from your touch, "ei is entrusting him to you because she knows you won't do anything that will harm him. he's still just a boy."

both yae and the boy jumped when you suddenly laughed. it wasn't anything gleeful or genuine. it was cold, empty, something that tells yae that she should leave before you bare your fangs at her.

"ei still trusts me? how amusing!" your grin tells her another story, "well then, i shall honor such opportunity!"

"what?" yae stares at you dumbfounded for the nth time today.

"you're… taking him in?" she faltered in disbelief. she was almost sure you'd shoo them away, spouting how insolent she is to believe that you would even do such a favor, that you would not bore such a responsibility on behalf of the shogun. somewhere at the back of yae's mind, she's screaming at herself to pull the boy away from you before everything takes a turn for the worst.

"why not?"

gently, with cold hands that once held warmth years ago, you held his face closer, brushing the stray strands of purple out of his visage and whispering into his ears.

"what's your name, little one?"

"kuni… kunikuzushi," he stammered.

"such an entitled name you have, i like it. doesn't suit a face like yours, but we'll see," the grin on your face widened, leaning closer to his ears, "i would love to take you in, doll."

the sight of you, towering above ei's prototype, sends an unknown fear into yae's mind.

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misc-obeyme · 7 months

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You know what time it is.

Lesson 33 spoilers, including the hard lesson, here we go!

I am pleased. And I am not pleased.

I had so many great moments with all my faves. Solomon being there for me, Levi being a lil cutie, THIRTEEN DATE, Barbatos giving me lil Ds. What glorious moments. I shall share some screenshots momentarily.

BUT FIRST.

Belphie. What the fuck.

Technically, this is Mammon’s fault. He was the one who was like it’s not wrong to feel upset about it and like yeah he’s right, but Belphie is clearly taking that statement to an EXTREME.

We are dealing with YANDERE BELPHIE, my friends.

If I remember correctly, he was always supposed to be yandere. So now we’re really leaning into that, huh? Like straight up, I am going to keep you here forever because you’ll be happier with me than if you leave. Our boy’s gone a little off the deep end lol. I kinda love it.

Though I was really surprised by his final line of “I don’t want you to see what’s inside my head.” He seemed really concerned about it. Considering all we’ve seen already, it can’t be that bad, right? Then again, I wouldn’t want anyone I know to get inside my head, either. Please stay out, you don’t need to see the horrors, thanks.

Also, we still haven’t made a pact with Levi. Just like we didn’t actually make a pact with Beel. Is it because now they’re not sure they want to have pacts with us because of the whole needing magic to get back to the human world thing? I swear I have a memory of Solomon telling us that we could make pacts with all of the brothers at the same time. But we already have pacts with three of them? So why would we only make pacts with three or four of them at the same time? I’m so confused. Someone please share your thoughts with me on this because I don’t get it???

I really feel like they directly addressed some of the concerns we’ve all been having in this lesson, too. I mean Solomon straight up talks about wondering what the brothers we left behind are doing. Or if time is still going there or if we’ll end up exactly where we left etc etc. HOWEVER all that soup talk makes me think they are just going to mesh it all together. ‘Cause Solomon also said this:

What does that mean? How can the future brothers influence what’s happening in the past? Unless their memories are changing in real time… ugh why did they have to go with time travel shenanigans?? Don’t they know this junk hurts my brain??

Anyway, now it’s time for some of my favorite moments, enough about time travel and feelings and pacts!

Because my favorite sorcerer also said this. And I know there are some questions about his motives and blah blah but I don’t care. I love him. He’ll be all serious, then say something sweet and reassuring, then do something crazy or try to cook again… he’s got so many sides to him lol.

STOP MAKING ME LIKE YOU MEPHISTOPHELES. (Please you were like the last character I was neutral about I can’t afford to get obsessed with anyone else.)

Honestly, I laughed so hard when he said this. Mammon just called him out directly and he LAUGHED. He laughed and was like yeah duh of course, idiots. And look how pleased he is about it, too.

May I bring your attention to my baby Levi? Look at this silly guy. I was so happy I got to hug him. And the group hug was adorable, too. Satan protesting the whole time lol. Lucifer coming in and being like… I regret asking.

I swear sometimes I wanna kiss this guy JUST to watch him blush. It’s so freakin’ cute.

Smitten. I am smitten.

The way she’s like I don’t get why you like these weirdos, but I know they matter to you. Don’t worry, it’s going to work out. How she gets all defensive of MC. Her cute little smile. The way she suggests coming to visit MC in the human world & saying that Solomon can come too?! LIKE. I love her so much.

HE KNOWS.

Listen I was thrilled about this whole part - Barbatos being mysterious and giving me a weird piece of paper and a Little D? Yes forever. But also I think we’ve all suspected him of knowing the truth and this part right here just solidifies that for me. He definitely knows. He knows everything about what’s going on. I don’t think that means he’s Nightbringer or even that he’s working with Nightbringer. He could just know because he’s got access to all of time and what not. But either way, he knows.

Honestly I love Barbatos so much. Just the small parts we had with him were enough to get me in my feels. I also really enjoyed the hard lesson because even if Luke doesn’t know what’s going on, I think Simeon does. And their discussion was interesting.

So I’m gonna leave you with one last Barb moment.

I’m so impatient is it the end of the season yet?? I wanna know how it ends right NOW.

#it’s been a minute since I did a whole post with screenshots #but there were so many good moments this time tee hee #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me nightbringer spoilers #obey me nightbringer lesson 33 #obey me solomon #obey me leviathan #obey me belphegor #obey me barbatos #obey me thirteen #spoilers #misc lesson recap #misc rambles

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ninjawitdaddyissues · 2 months

Text

15 years of Dan & Phil - Major Arcana

It struck me that there has been 15 years since Dan and Phil met and my little goose brain connected that to the devil card number 15 (symbolised in dnpcrafts video) and so now you get a large post of me analysing year by year dnp in the major arcana.

DISCLAIMER: this is just for fun and because i am a silly jester who needed to feel joy while on video call with a friend. do not take any of this seriously, i am just a goofy guy with an internet connection and too much time.

The Fool - 0

we start at the fool, 2009.

"The Fool is young and vulnerable. He has not yet experienced the ups and downs of life, leaving him unaware of the magnitude of life's challenges, as well as the potential he holds. When The Fool comes up in a Tarot reading, you are encouraged to take on his open, willing energy and embrace all that lies ahead of you without worry."

The year dnp meet. The start of the journey. The fool is considered the main character of the Major arcana journey. Thus Dan and Phil are the main characters of this story, their story.

Both unaware of what the future holds for them, their life™ was only just at conception. I feel like this one is very self explanatory in context of them just having met, we as the audience are just introduced to the concept of Dan and Phil.

The fool energy (open, willing) is especially evident in videos like PINOF 1 and The Interactive Christmas Adventure where their silliness, and creativity really shine. This is an era of open, easy (almost naive) energy.

The Magician - 1

The year is 2010...

"The Magician card is a reminder that you are unique and have many gifts. These skills set you apart from the crowd and can help you begin new projects or overcome adversity. When The Magician comes up in your Tarot reading, it's a reminder that you already hold everything you need to move forward and accomplish what you've set out to do."

The year of Dan moving to Manchester and starting his Law Degree and Phil getting his flat in Manchester, PINOF2, Jamaica trip, and the conception of the forbidden video. We also have creative bangers such as "the inflatable lion of destiny", 'Blindfolded Catface Game', 'Dan and Phil get down' and 'The TREE'.

The boys are creating core parts of the Dan and Phil universe without knowing it. Together they have all the ingredients needed (see in the card imagery; the wand, cup, pentacle and sword) to create a fanbase and a successful career.

The High Priestess - 2

2011 baybeeeeee

"The most intuitive, connected card in the whole Tarot deck, The High Priestess is a card of awareness. This card urges you to listen to your inner voice and follow your instincts. Your mind knows far more than you think. When this card arises in your Tarot reading, stop looking for answers in the outside world. Turn within for the guidance you seek."

We have the Manchester apartment™, PINOF 3, the forbidden video leak and the first radio show. The relation to this, to me, really comes up in the forbidden video response. Having to turn inwards, the boys became insular, guarded and a wall was really put up between them and the audience to protect themselves. We can't speak to exactly what was happening for them internally and only make our assumptions based on what they outwardly expressed at the time.

The Empress - 3

2012

"The Empress is the most feminine card in the Tarot, and greatly encourages compassion, beauty, and love. She is deeply connected to Mother Nature, and her influence is powerful when you absorb the energy of the natural world around you."

"This supreme archetype of femininity also symbolizes fertility. It is The Empress who provides us nourishment and security. She is also sometimes seen as delighting us with flowers and fruit."

We have entered younow era. They also move to London this year, Dan officially drops out of uni, we get PINOF 4 and a second radio show. We also have the iconic tweet 'FYI i like vagina'. This year is known for being a difficult year in the Phandom. It has a reputation for 'no homo howell' and generally the boys being more reserved and insular with what and how they shared their lives.

In relation to The Empress card I think we can draw particularly on security. We know they had a stalking problem at the London apartment - a threat to their physical security, fans being hectic about their sexualities (particularly Dan) - a threat to their privacy. We also have Dan getting an influx of 'are you gay' on younow and having to reassert his ' straightness' lends itself to the femininity of this card. He had to play straight in order to keep himself safe. This card being for 2012 when we know they really withdrew from sharing themselves with us is quite the oxymoron but despite the withdrawing of their sharing with the audience we know they still had great success (got their flowers) in the coming years.

The Emperor - 4

2013

"The Emperor is a card of leadership and power. He is an authoritative force who has been through many experiences to achieve this status. He represents structure and solidity, and reminds you that you, too, hold immense amounts of power over your own life, and what happens to it."

THE BRITISH VLOGGER BOOM IS UPON US. The boys have gone through some shit™ at this point and are starting to establish themselves as Entertainers. They are on the grind, they are moving in the direction of establishing themselves as entertainers/presenters in the mainstream space marked by the beginning of the request radio show. Their Youtube numbers climb as does their power in the online world. As for them holding power over their own lives, I know Dan has mentioned not feeling in control of things like his audience at this point. But I think this card speaks to them really gaining control over their future career wise as a duo - even if they didn't fully see themselves as such yet.

We also have the Charlie Skies twitter fiasco this year - another threat to their privacy. Through this Dan in particular had to trust in the power he had over his own narrative in redirecting attention and deflecting Charlie's online attacks. He blocked him and protected his peace and as a result not a whole lot of the phandom knows about this beef. Dan and Phil are nothing if not good at diversion, distraction and hiding things from the internet (good for them).

The Hierophant - 5

2014

"The Hierophant is like a messenger from the heavens. He is experienced in spirituality and guidance, and his job is to bring these lessons down to us here in the real world. When The Hierophant comes up in your Tarot reading, you're encouraged to follow the rules, and to find a spiritual perspective on your current situation."

"Before him kneel two followers. The Hierophant’s task is to pass down his spiritual wisdom and initiate the two into the church so they can take up their appointed roles. This imagery speaks to a shared group identity and a rite of passage to enter the next level. The crossed keys at The Hierophant’s feet represent the balance between the conscious and subconscious minds and the unlocking of mysteries, which only he can teach."

This year brings us the first Brit awards hosting, the radio show transitioning to the Internet Takeover, Dan and Phil Games and the channels continuing to grow. This card in particular I think relates to them and their relation to the BBC. In this card they are the two people in front of the Hierophant, learning and having knowledge bestowed upon them. This was a year of developing their careers into a new phase of mainstream TV palatability. Dan and Phil are stepping into previously unchartered spaces for just a couple of guys on the internet.

The Lovers - 6

2015

"The Lovers card represents the close relationships in your life. If it comes up in your Tarot reading, your love life is in need of extra attention. However, this is just as much a card about your values and decisions. You may find The Lovers come up when you are at a crossroads. Consider all the possible consequences of your choices."

Significant events this year include; TABINOF, TATINOF, Dan and Phil crafts, Japhan part 1, Brit Awards hosting and the channels growing. Japhan happening this year with the lovers card showing up is very sweet. Dan and Phil knew they had big events coming up for them in their lives so they carved out space for them to enjoy existing together by going to Japan.

We also know that at this point Dan and Phil were looking to move on from the TV Host type of space they found themselves in with the BBC. A crossroads of where they wanted to take the world of Dan and Phil™ . That gave way to TABINOF and TAINOF, stepping into an unknown space of Youtubers doing stuff in the real world once again. Phil mentioned in his video, 'Draw my LIfe 2' that they really had to trust that this was the correct move for them. A crossroads where they had to consider the consequences when investing their money into TABINOF and TATNIOF.

The Chariot - 7

2016

"The Chariot card is connected to your natural drive and determination, and can indicate an upcoming victory. This card reminds you that your greatest successes won't come through limited thinking -- when you combine the knowledge of your mind with that of your heart and spirit, you are an unstoppable force."

This year brought alot of reaping on benefits of putting trust in the crossroads that the Lovers card presented. We see the end of the Internet Takeover, the final Brit Awards hosting and the end of the TATINOF era. They combined their mind, heart and spirit and came out successful, winning 4 awards this year and having the huge success of TATINOF. They didn't allow themselves to be limited (by the BBC) and they succeeded. So, if they could achieve a world tour and a best selling book on their own... well what could come next??

Strength - 8

2017

"The Strength card represents courage, the fortitude of your heart, and your ability to withstand anything life hands you. If this card arises in your Tarot reading, you are reminded that you're strong enough to handle whatever you are facing and will come out of it with even more power than you had before."

This year, the boys move to their new London apartment (the fake apartment), Interactive Introverts is announced, Dan goes curly and the end of danisnotonfire branding.

We know from the video 'Dan and Phil Finally Tell the Truth' that Dan had begun to realise he couldn't stay in the closet any longer, which led to his mini breakdown on the balcony. He stated that he was worried if they went on tour with introverts he was going to have a very public meltdown. We also got the video 'Daniel and Depression'. Between the two of these things we can see how the strength card really came into play this year.

Phil has also talked about how they didn't know how they were going to get everything done this year. With Introverts tour looming, they were inundated with work and they really had to grin and bare through it. They had to trust their strength as a duo that they would come through this time together.

The Hermit - 9

2018

"The Hermit yearns to be alone. He knows that the only way to process what is happening in life is to withdraw from the noise of the world and create a quiet space of solitude. When The Hermit comes up in your reading, the answers you need will come from within. Be very still, and listen..."

This year is the year of the Interactive Introverts tour, the final PINOF, the gaming channel hiatus and Dan's video 'trying to live my truth'. The Hermit coming up in a year of them going into hiatus, is just very nail on the god damn head. I mean what card could be more relevant? It seems so self explanatory, I don't even know what to say.

The boys had to turn inward once again to assess where to go next in their careers. They talk about pausing to take stock of what they have done and where they will go.

Dan took a huuuuuge step back to go inwards and process everything he had been holding in and pushing through in the previous years as they were so busy with their career building. This was a year where they gave themselves permission to slow down and finally look inward for where to go next. This introversion beginning is seen at the start of 2018 in Dan's 'Trying to Live My Truth' video.

We also have Phil with his dizzy spells during this year meaning there was less amazingphil content. This could also be seen as an introversion. He had to slow down his public career of take care of himself and focus on his health.

The Wheel of Fortune - 10

2019

"The Wheel of Fortune is constantly revolving -- sometimes you will be at the top, and sometimes you will be at the bottom. This Tarot card reminds you that nothing is permanent, and, good or bad, you must cherish the lessons that this moment is bringing you."

"Good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point"

Bare with me while I desperately try to refrain from top and bottom jokes due to the concision of the wheel of fortune card and dnp coming out in the same year. But truly this card represents a turning point and a destiny fulfilment. If BIG and COTY are not a destiny fulfilment and turning point then I don't know what is! The boys are living their truth, they are moving into a new era.

Justice - 11

2020

"Justice is your firm-but-fair reminder that there is a consequence for every action. Whatever life is handing you at this moment comes from decisions you and others have made in the past, reflecting natural cause-and-effect. When this card comes up in your Tarot reading, make sure you are acting fairly in all your interactions with others."

Libra card!!!! This year we have covid hitting, a quiet year for content all round. We have the stereo shows starting up at the end of the year along with the phouse announcement. This year also featured Steve the pigeon (pigeon fest/rescuing a pigeon video).

When we look at cause and effect, the phouse is what comes to mind. They worked themselves so hard in the years previous and they were able to buy and design their forever home. The cause and effect of them coming out is also seen in their ability to be open with the audience that they are continuing to not only live together but purchase and build property together. If they had not come out, things like buying a house together would've raised so many more questions and possibly caused more issues for them and their privacy (fan speculation). This new era really hinged on them coming out and setting themselves up as an ambiguous couple. In this case the cause and effect really benefitted them.

The Hanged Man - 12

2021

"The Hanged Man tells you that sometimes small sacrifices are required to benefit the bigger picture. When The Hanged Man arises in your reading, you likely want to make a move but don't know where to begin. Lightening your grip on what's no longer working for you, or detaching from the outcome of your situation, can help you release yourself."

This year gives us the first joint video since 2018 in the form of 'something we want to tell you'. This marks Dan's return to being perceived online. Subsequently we have the book release in May, YWGTTN, and they move into the somewhat uncompleted phouse.

We get many iconic videos this year showing a shift in their on camera dynamic - a loosening grip on the wall they built up with the audience during the early years. They let us in on alot more of those moments that drive us absolutely insane, the smiles were off the charts and we started eating good again. They have begun trusting the audience with more of their authentic selves and silly dynamic. In Phil's recent video where he looks at old profile pics, he talks fondly about the silly icon pic from him and Dan during lockdown.

I think the sentiment of no longer caring what people think is really echoed in this years content. The boys are self assured and care less about what people have to say because they are successful and have nothing to hide.

The hanged man is shown in this loosening grip on hiding parts of themselves and allowing themselves to trust the audience more knowing that whatever the outcome they have each other and that in enough.

Death - 13

2022

"One of the most misunderstood Tarot cards, Death is not a card about physical death. The Death card speaks of cycles and is a reminder that all things must pass. Hanging on to situations from the past will hinder you from allowing new, better things to enter your life. In every ending lies a chance for a new beginning."

wad year/DD/wiqy

What can I say. Death card for WAD year? It just makes sense. A year where Dan and Phil spent the most time apart since they met in 2009, taking a break from the cycle of their everyday life.

We also got Dan's WIQY video, again reflecting on the last few years and essentially announcing his burn out. Giving up on being Youtube's 'golden boy' by speaking his mind about how he was effected by circumstances beyond his control.

Then we have WAD. The show being reflective of his past and the future for the earth. This year truly felt like a rebirth for Dan specifically. He was back on the internet, Dystopia Daily, being able to openly make gay jokes. He went back out into the world and found meaning in existence again. And once that meaning was obtained, he went back to Phil. A new beginning in how they both show up online, unapologetically themselves.

Temperance - 14

2023

"The Temperance card is a master of moderation. She encourages peace and patience, and reminds you to go with the flow of your life instead of trying to force its pace or direction. When Temperance turns up in your Tarot reading, it is a message to take things as they come, and remain flexible enough to change with the changes."

2023 brought us more DD, end of WAD, The 3rd Japhan trip, the Phude, and the return of the gaming channel.

This is a year of things slowly going back to routine for DnP. Dan comes back from tour, they go on holiday to Japan. Up until the gaming channel coming off hiatus 2023 was seemingly a chill flux and flow for dnp. The flow (this is a water heavy card) of their life returned to normal.

While DnP certainly didn't make this comeback with moderation (leaping straight into spooky week and then gamingmas as well as merch drops) they wouldn't have come back without a serious plan to keep their workaholic tendency's in check.

The Devil - 15

2024

"The Devil card carries themes of restraint and powerlessness. When it comes up in your Tarot reading, you are likely feeling stuck. The Devil has convinced you that you have no options, but this couldn't be further from the truth. You hold the keys to your own freedom, but it's up to you to open the lock."

So we all know the crafty video from this year has direct symbolism to the devil card. There have been many great analyses between the two so I won't go into that as much here. But what I will say is that I see this card for this year as an unshackling of themselves. We see them far more open and willing to trust the audience to be in on the joke rather than and us vs. them situation of the 2012 era. So rather than them feeling stuck I believe this symbolises them no longer being stuck and stepping into their most honest selves while still maintaining their boundaries.

That concludes my wee dive into dnp lore and how it relates to the major arcana. I am not someone with a huge amount of knowledge on tarot (just a wee bit from my own experience of doing a card read every so often but certainly not someone who has ever studied tarot), so if you are big on tarot absolutely chime in and add to this!! I am also so sure I missed dnp lore but hey I did what I could! Also big ty to @boardgamedanny for being on video call with me for 2 days in a row to suggest things and pipe in and also distract me horrendously. Also biiig thanku to my friend, Peter, who isn't on here but sparked this whole thing, with their tarot knowledge and my dnp brain encyclopedia.

now sources!!

#dan and phil #daniel howell #amazingphil #dapg #phil lester #olly rambles #phan #danandphilcrafts #danphiltarot

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somethinginworl · 1 year

Text

He would not fucking say that - Kirby franchise edition (Results)

Well! Seems like a lot of people had a lot to say about mischaracterized Kirby characters, as a matter of fact, there were a whooping 57 entries! Well, let’s get going with them, shall we? Just,,, beware that this is a LOOONG post.

Haltmann

The dude 100% did fucked up shit and needs to be held accountable but people seem to so easily forget the degree he was influenced/corrupted by Star Dream. I don't understand why people hate Haltmann and love Star Dream who is arguably the actual reason HWC started colonizing and draining planets. Also the fact that Haltmann isn't conventionally attractive to the majority of the fandom makes him less sympathetic ig?? But the dude is a grieving father who made mistakes that sent him down a spiral into being corrupted and then deleted by a heartless machine. I can't help but pity him

Prince Fluff

Go on ao3. Look in his tag on tumblr. He exists only to be Kirby or Shadow Kirby's love interest most of the time, with no personality of his own.

He barely gets recognized anymore, and if he does, it's usually as a ship Prince Fluff was a big part of my childhood, with Epic Yarn being my first game. To me, he was Kirby's fellow main character, and they had a cool sibling/best friend relationship. But now, a lot of what I see of him is just . . . Kirfluff. Which is cool and all, but man's a prince! He can do more than be a boyfriend! Heck, he runs an entire kingdom by himself! One thing that I want to see more of is Fluff as a stressed but caring ruler, not just a sidekick/boyfriend to the pink puff. Give yarn boy his deserved appreciation!.

Dark Meta Knight

Hello! I am here to spread the good word of a character with no personality. It's the mirror thing. Of course. Dark Meta Knight has No Personality. Zero. Nada. Zilch. He's Meta Knight but Dark. What does that mean? Your guess. He fights Meta Knight. And wins lmao skill issue blueboy. And fights Kirby. And loses a few times, which isn't surprising. He was dumb enough to split Kirby in four, though. Four times the Kirby is four times the amount your ass is grass. You're practically a forest at that point because you're so grass. So he's violent and has no personality outside of being violent. Woo! Triple Deluxe has him attack Dedede in Dededetour inside the Mirror. This has led people to think he fucked over Sectonia. This makes my heart bleed as much as Taranza probably did when he was punted off of Royal Road via Fuck You Lightning Ball. My man just has no sense of timing,,,, They just wanted to include a Meta Knight battle because Knight Battles are a Kirby standard at this point,,, You think a man that stupid can figure out how to take advantage of a woman's insecurity? I don't even know if he knows women exist. How many female Amazing Mirror characters are there??? Boxy??? Moley mentions having a wife once and Dameta doesn't know what he means. But other than being driven to immense violence and being scapegoated for the stuff his boss probably did, Dameta has other hobbies! Like whatever his motivation in Star Allies is. Something dastardly, I'm sure. People really like to pretend he's not part of the Star Ally club when my man is doodling with toddlers and posing with his less cool less edgy self. Would a villain have a silly little we heart kirby statue? No, didn't think so. Also I cannot imagine him as a dad to Shadkirby either. Do they even interact? I've seen both "Amazing dad" and "Outright abusive" as interpretations and I can't go with either. But I think that's because I don't enjoy Metadad that much. They're like awkward coworkers. He thinks they're student and mentor. They're not even that. Dameta barely knows Shadow exists.

Dark Meta Knight is very popularly characterized as like an abusive parent, usually physically abusive. Mainly to Shadow Kirby, of course. He's an asshole, yeah, but not THAT bad, christ. I've seen multiple fics where Shadow Kirby is some poor little hey what t the fuck hes fighting himself. um. Back to being a hater.

Shadow Kirby

Some folks still think he's shy/cowardly like from the Amazing Mirror Days. Not really true anymore. From what fans have seen from the ending of the game, he does protect the Mirror World. As for the spin off games that include him, he's pretty tough and even creates mischief sometimes.

Shadow Kirby is constantly treated as an "evil" Kirby. Especially bad after Fighters and fighters two. Not to mention "Parallel Kirby". There's also a strangely common trend of making them more sapient than pink Kirby, who tends to be infantilised to hell and back. Shadow Kirby also is often treated as a complete coward who can't do anything right, when they aren't called evil.

He's shown as completely different in several different occasions, not only in personality but in design I like shadow kirby he's purple and then he's not

Dark Taranza

Dark Taranza, gonna be honest what little characterization people give him are actually okay compared to the rest. But I'm still a hater and hang on im watching jerma clips. okay. He's like Sectonia if Sectonia was Taranza if that makes sense.

Shadow Dedede

Shadow Dedede barely gets shit but I'm going to be a little hater anyways. I don't like most characterizations. I see people make him like a dictator like bro he's literally just some guy.

Sectonia

have you seen how often people say that sectonia and taranza were boyfriend and girlfriend in canon?????? they were never!!! shes the gosh dang final boss but shes only ever used to give taranza angst. she is her own person with a personality!!!! yes their backstories are interconnected but gosh!!!!

This not too prominent but I can't stand it when people portray her as an uwu shy girl pre-corruption. While she gave in her worst aspects, she was probably always a kind of vain, girlboss! I mean she knows how to fight with rapiers c'mon!!!

idk it just feels like lots of people just see her as Taranza's tragic dead wife and like nothing else you know? like she is more than that and I feel like what little content we have of her proves that (like the soul boss descriptions (especially the original japanese text of the 2nd phase!!) and the eternal dream song) - or maybe im reading too much into those because im hyperfixating on my blorbo whoops

Kine

I'm not sure how true this opinion is considering how little people talk about Kine, I feel this is partially the anime's fault, or maybe its because of how he just looks, but Kine is cool and is not some stupid loser fish. Before the days of Crystal Shards, Him, Kirby, Rick & Coo were the dream team at the time, always hanging out going, with various activities long before the days of Meta Knight or even Dedede. Kine is an awesome aquatic rep for the Kirby series not to mention drinking and being a pirate and Kine even has a Wife! Kine has got it! I guess this is a partial compliant of Ship of Theseus which can be applied with Rick & Coo too, but I feel Kine gets the most hate if any because of people who are unfamiliar just see a dopey fish and are unaware of his origins and his past with Kirby. I'm not upset with the current representation of the Kirby cast (I love the RTDL team being the main crew) but I do hope the animal buddies get some more love, Especially Kine.

Dedede

reduced to his significantly less in-depth and compelling characterization from the anime

Anime Dedede.

Magolor

one time i read a series of fanfictions where he called every female character in the story a bitch and was portrayed as the good guy in the story

Is it possible to both be flanderized and woobified at the same time? There is a lot of "removing his responsibility for his actions" but can we get better jokes than "hehe Microtransgolor hehe scammer egg”

Always an uwu soft boy. Like no that is a criminal not a catboy.

Bro would never be intimidated by Magolor

Marx

People either portray him as a edgy sociopath or constantly bored and annoyed. Portraying him as an adult or a teen kinda annoys me as well. I'm very picky about portrayals of Marx so don't get upset if you portray him as one of these I've listed.

Sometimes I see people only joking about the "hungry so he came along" thing with Marx and it's pretty overdone

They took one look at him and said “to the insane asylum bitch”. I don’t think he’s some crazy murder hobo rather a dude with questionable morals and puts his own mischief and fun before others it seems. Though Marx is indeed one of the least “character” characters when I mean he doesn’t have much depth in comparison to other characters. But you could do anything else than have him follow the Jevil path of him being crazy. Make him evil? Sure. Make him a cringefail idiot? Sure. Make him a crybaby bitch? Go ahead. But making him the definition of what a 14 year old white girl in New Jersey that probably is addicted to Instagram and thinks Webtoon comics are the highest level of art and storytelling’s definition of insane doesn’t cut it cuz. Slapping the spaz label without a thought of what’s being done on a character who fits the mark makes the Schizoid peeved who coulda known. As this is all coming from the one person who has likely ruined Marx’s character the most for Kirblur by making him a somewhat empathetic manchild who clings to both pipe dreams of normality and being a monster btw. (Also this doesn’t mean jokes, you can joke about him being a psycho like Jerma it’s when it’s taken 100% seriously is when it’s bad). Also to add on, Woobification of Marx or any Kirby character period CAN be annoying if taken too far. I take full responsibility in the fact my variant is also woobifed to an extent but that train full of ticking bombs doesn’t bother me as much. Make him sadcry and be gay he deserves both those things. Send him to sad hell with the rest of them.

To the anon above... What?

Making him stupid or reducing him to just Silly Clown. Or just having him act in purely impulsive or spontaneous ways (which sometimes happens when juxtaposed with a more "collected" character like Magolor).

Daroach

this is something i’ve noticed specifically in chatfics, but when daroach is in the ensemble some of them tend to designate him as the Goofy Meme Dumbass for… idk, fandom quota? i really don’t know why it happens because he has a bunch of canon dialogue (and alternate continuity stuff like the novels) that show him to be cool and clever. i’m not saying he can’t have a sense of humor or anything (he’s definitely the type to have a bunch of quips), but it sucks when he’s mischaracterized because the fandom doesn’t give him that much attention as is. if you NEED a silly haha guy, marx is right there!”

Morpho Knight

"Morpho Knight is a creature of mercy. It's a benevolent entity putting tired souls to rest." NO?! I'm going to copy-paste some stuff I put in a post of my own. A while back, SYZekrom on Reddit translated Morpho Knight's entry, and it contains some... interesting information. Allow me to provide some excerpts. "He’s a red knight with butterfly wings, continuing from a pair of white wings like an angel’s, and a pair of azure wings with a bit of an evil feel." This is the first of two instances where Morpho Knight is outright stated to be evil. There's also stuff in the art book that supports my theory that Galacta and Morpho are permanently fused and the former is not dead, but I don't want to get carried away. These are its gacha figure descriptions in Forgotten Land: "The fluttering fiend that casts judgment upon final battles is drawn toward the isolated isles of Forgo Dreams. There, it feasts on the most powerful soul it finds and takes the fearsome form of a scarlet-clad knight… Let the most challenging battle of this new world begin!" –English "One of the dreaming birds, which are said to pass judgement upon decisive battles, drifts towards a forgotten, isolated isle as if summoned. There, it sips upon the strongest Soul and descends as a red knight. Finally, welcome the dusk… of the deadliest battle in this New World!" –Japanese While at first glance there doesn't seem to be any information of note, the "fluttering fiend" bit in the English version is outright stating Morpho Knight is evil, and the phrase "he deadliest battle in this New World" doesn't sound particularly heroic. But I digress... Morpho is NOT a good person! This is clearly leading up to a villain vs hero confrontation! Which, may I add, implies that reaping Galacta Knight wasn't necessarily a good thing for it to do?!

Elfilis

elfilis is NOT entirely malicious. they would gladly accept hugs and kisses. being in a fucking capsule ALONE and AWARE for likely CENTURIES will DO SOMETHING TO YOU YOU KNOW?? god fucking DAMN dude... and after the ending of the true arena in the game, WILLINGLY GAVE THEMSELF UP TO ELFILIN. also they're not fucking DEAD you PSYCHOPAYHS elfilis is STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE!!!!!!! RUUAAAGGGH!!!!!!!!!!

Susie

Being Evil or being a Sad uwu girl who has had bad things happen to her seems to be the only way most people can portray this character.

Susie isn't a friend. She's selfish and wanted to take over the company. Her "redemption" is pointing Kirby at the world-ending machine, gives him armor, and then stands around. She doesn't even know his name. The closest she does for good is tell Kirby to do something he would've done on his own.

My girl really became the subject of hate thanks to a mistranslation. I mean yeah she likes robots and shit but the fact that people think she is a terrible person and that she's still colonizing planets makes me upset. i blame the translation team for everything.

When people say she has fully redeemed herself and is reduced to cishet, pretty girl??? Like no, star allies mistranslation my ass you fell for her corporate propaganda. The female characters in this franchise, while lovable, is not nearly as popular as a lot of the male ones. HAL literally gave us a morally grey girlboss who we can still sympathise with. She actually feels like a very real character in this fictional world.

You Know How People Are About Her

she's not even my blorbo!!!!!! everyone thinks she's a huge evil bitch who has done terrible genuinely unspeakable things. i read a fic that went on and on abt the horrible things she "did" to meta knight when he was mechanized (things so bad i cant even say) and i was pulling my hair out she did not fucking do any of that!!!! yes the universe can have pretty dark moments but good lord people only use her to woobify meta knight and give fuel to ship him with others and it pisses me off lol. or people go too far the other way and woobify HER to ship with him and aughhhh no one has a shred of media literacy. she's not purely good or purely evil she's such a complex character who did bad things because she was in a bad situation and the best example of a morally grey character who's on no one's side but herself and that will always be more interesting that 100% good or 100% evil. once again she's not even my blorbo but i've never seen a character butchered this badly by a fandom

Because of mistranslation (from what I've heard) Susie's whole mechanizing planets has been the number one thing when it came to susie hate and the only reason as to why people hate this girl so much. Honestly Susie's character has been fucked up immensely and no one has such a divided spread of opinions like she does. Some people brush away her backstory and make her a soulless being with no love whatsoever.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Susie Haltmann. I cannot with the fandom interpretations anymore. It's ridiculous how bad they've gotten. Susie is a two dimensional character. I absolutely despise seeing people portray her as some sort of greedy capitalist bastard and "the one with the braincell". In canon, she's consistently been portrayed as a sweet person (with a knack for violence, but EVERYONE in this series is like that). Everything bad she did in Planet Robobot was FOR WORK and the will of HER FATHER, and even if she did want to do the things she did, she's clearly not doing them any more. The "mechanizing planets and peoples" line in Star Allies is a mistranslation. And the "punishing savages" doesn't have to mean anything bad. It could mean she's punishing evildoers with her money and resources. In fact, I've seen some translations put it like that And Meta Knight... is just the straw that broke the camel's back. Oh lord. Why does everyone insist that he hates her? There's the little scene in Star Allies... but god, that isn't canon, it's clearly a joke. If anything, Susie might have been trying to talk to him and he was just trying to avoid her in a misinterpretation of the situation. It's supposed to be funny. Why are you imposing this onto people like this automatically makes Susie a devil incarnate and anything involving those two characters in problematic? Just shut up.

Meta Knight

Everyone thinks he’s just the ‘edgy character’ or ‘the uncaring mentor figure’ while in actuality he really does care for Kirby (and Bandana Dee) more than anyone gives him credit for!

Everyone either makes him all broody and lonesome, like shadow the hedgehog or batman; or they make him a goofy dad, like Dedede or Hugh Neutron. In reality, he's a weird uncle with unknown motivations, simultaneously selfish and practical. Also, he doesn't hide the fact that he likes sweets, he eats them away from everyone so no one steals them (Dedede and Squeak Squad).

He's not Kirby's fucking dad! He's an irresponsible uncle that hands out swords! And he is definitely in love with dedede, he is the only other dramatic bitch willing to build a skyscraper to beat up kirby (I am using intense anger for comedic effect)

HES A FUCKING TWINK ASS FRUITY ASS MOTHERFUCKING CRINGEFAIL MAN. HE NEEDS TO HAVE HIS PERSONALITY INTERPRETED AS BOTH THE MANGA AND THE GAMES. YES HE IS MYSTERIOUS BUT HE ALSO WOULD TRIP AND FALL OVER HIMSELF. I NEED STAR ALLIES KICKING SWORD PISSED. I NEED MANGA ROSES BITCHASS META. I NEED THAT PARTICULAR VERSION OF MY BOY meat knight RIGHT NOW. meta knight is cringefail. half of the fandom agrees the other half does not. im explode.

He wants to look cool so bad but he is actually a huge fucking goofy goober. Any representation of Meta Knight being a badass is propaganda made by Meta Knight himself to convince you he’s cool. I mean have you seen his RTDL Deluxe pause screen description? King Dedede’s and Bandana Dee’s are in first person, but his is in third person? He’s literally talking about himself in the third person like hello????? Meta Knight is such a fucking lame goofy little man who thinks he’s the most badass motherfucker on the planet.

To fair this has been less common lately but back during 2014-2016 MK was usually portrayed in fanart/fanfic as either this wise veteran or cold edgelord. He is just an unhindged!!! Silly!!! Guy!!! He can be cool and cringefail!!! But he is also compassionate in his own aloof, awkward way!!!

i am not a big fan of the metadede ship. i think people are shipping for the sake of having a ship and nothing else. As someone with a severely underrepresented orientation (aromantic and asexual), when I see a character I like, I will project onto said character. This is the case with my interpretation of Meta Knight. I saw a cool character that I liked who a) doesn’t have any canon love interests and b) didn’t really need a whole ton of friends/significant others to be happy with life. Meta Knight always seemed to be perfectly content with the friends he has on Popstar and his crew and everyone in the anime, so I looked to him for hope that I could live the same way. I was open to the metadede ship at first, but as time passed, I felt less and less comfortable with it. It seemed to me that people were so hungry for gay ships that they just pulled this one out of thin air courtesy of Kirby Fighters 2, which is to my knowledge the only piece of media that somewhat supports this. Why can’t people just be happy with MK and Dedede being friends or frenemies? I’m probably starting drama with this bc I know how popular metadede is on Tumblr so I apologize for upsetting you if that is the case. But I also feel that I shouldn’t apologize just because I have a different opinion.

I dislike how "pathetic" the fandom has made him out to be. I don't like it when he's portrayed as overpowered but... "pathetic, whiny manlet" could not be further from the truth. How did we get to that?

Kirby

Often people make Kirby more dependent on others than he actually is. He's an extremely independent person that literally cannot be stopped by anyone who tries to get in his way

ik its been covered to death but matpat made that video about how kirby is evil and completely ignored the themes of friendship and kindness that are present throughout the entire series

dude hes not a baby. he drinks in the manga adukt kirbies are a fine interp god. and hes not a godkiller or some shit he just fights for his friends hes not some terrifying monster kirby is literally just some friendly guy. strong yeah but just some guy. he fights strong entities incidentally lol

The anime portrays them as a literal infant, and due to its overprevalence (despite not being in the same stream of canon as the games), this is often their characterization in the fandom. Canonically, they indeed are a child (at most, they'd probably be a teen in the modern games), but they are old enough to talk, and they demonstrate a high amount of emotional and even technical intelligence.

Admittedly, this is one that usually only happens to people outside the fandom, but it bugs me when people portray Kirby as a sort of immoral monster who only does good things on accident. When it’s quite the opposite! He may not be incredibly bright, but he does his best to help people. Oddly enough, there’s not many cases of “he would not say that” in the fandom for me because of how loose Kirby’s story is. It is lore heavy but the actual characters aren’t super concrete save for a few and I think that’s perfectly fine

People forget that their air bullet!! is an attack!! its literally one of their only ways of dealing damage in DL1!!! I’m looking at you Smash Bros!!! Why isn’t it their nair?????????

making them a toddler who cant speak for themself

I swear everyone outside of the fandom sees Kirby as either a braincell infant or a merciless force of mass destruction

Taranza

WHAT DIDN'T THEY DO!?!?!? Taranza, as we see him in Triple Deluxe, is such a fun villain. He's dramatic, arrogant, a total suck-up to Sectonia, and it's so. Fucking. Good. He's a devious bastard, he monologues!!! His animations in the Clash games are so fucking campy and dramatic it's chefs kiss!!!! Fanon Taranza is as plain as white bread. Sometimes as pale as it, looking at some of the gijinkas. No shade though! As little shade as there is melanin in him lmAO- He is flanderised to hell and back. There are so. Many. Fucking. Taranzas who happen to be nothing but sad and weepy about his evil dead wife. Where's the bite!!! The pizzazz!!! Even in canon, when he is a bit of a wet sack later on, he still hunts for an altar he can bring her back on. My boy's a wannabe necromancer!!! Write that shit in your lost lenore Sectonia fic you fucking cowards Queen's Phantom ain't just for show. The above is also evidence for woobification! The fucker is obviously sad his crush is dead! But can we pleeease focus on anything else. This is definitely not targeted at Hal Labs. Imagine being woobied so hard your creators backtrack your personality I would just die. "Ehehe he's the responsible mage!!" No the fuck he isn't he can't be trusted with anything he tries take control it WILL blow up in his face. He knows magic he's good at magic but is he responsible??? Fuck no my man's strongest attack is "Blow myself the fuck up via a giant burst of magic" and it shreds. Even worse is the "Taranza got mind-controlled by Sectonia" theory in tandem with this. That wasn't confirmed right. Right. God I hope not that would be embarrassing. He can't even have a moment to realise his devotion has gone too far and she doesn't love him or even care for him, and he has to finally make that decision to free himself from her like ain't that cool!!! And then making him all sad over her afterwards it's just a Little Fucked if you're tryna put it all together eh. Eh. And he's not suuuper objectified (That usually goes to Seccy rest in piss girlie) but the way he's treated in some ships is. Eugh. Fucking Magoranza amirite he's basically there to look responsible and cute (I've already explained my issue with this) and to fix the tortured soul who is Magolor (I do not like Magolor. Nor Magoranza.) Tbh Sectaranza does the same he's there to be tragic because his girlie's dead. When you give him less personality than the dead cardboard cutout you know you fucked up. Anyways these ramblings are here to remind you what Hal Labs stole from us: Taranza but not a TOTAL saddo. Theatre kid Taranza. Arrogant prick. He's even British.

For the anon above me, I just wanted to say that this entry is probably my favorite and lives rent free in my mind.

I'm definitely guilty of it and it's all we have to go off of but PLEASE he needs more than to be Sad. Give him hobbies and interests that aren't just gardening, at least. Make stuff up about him, please!

So, SO many people make him an absolute crybaby over Sectonia. Even though, yes, he has grief problems, it's not his whole freaking personality. Pretty sure they're forgetting the fact that he LITERALLY HELPED KILL HER.

Taranza is not just a little pathetic guy!! He’s a bitch— a little schemer if you will !!! He’s smug—he’s formal—he’s a little fucker!!! Taranza needs a new partner and that partner is me

Oddly enough I do think people make him out to be a bit too much of a goody two shoes. Like he has done some mean things in the past and it wasn’t all Sectonia’s fault, he literally *stole* the Dimensional Mirror after all. Don’t get me wrong I think he’s a good person in the end, but cmon. He has committed crimes

Taranza in some corners of the fandom has kinda been turned into this forever crying baby who can never recover from losing Joronia and like, I never see people who do that write about the recovery and being able to move on to the final stage of grief.

HE IS NOT A SIMP, MY GOD

Everyone needs to stop reducing him to pathetic simp. He is allowed to grieve but he's probably one of the more mature characters within the series???

People disregard everything else about his character to make his tragic relationship with sectonia his only character trait. Not sure if this quite counts as woobifying since he does canonically still mourn her (and obviously seeing a close friend/crush go down the path of self destruction and ultimately die from it WOULD NOT be something you'd get over quickly). But I'm so tired of taranza in fanart and the like being an uwu softboy with Crying as his main character trait. Like he's canonically more than that! He goes full cocky villain mode when you confront him near the end of triple deluxe and he can pack a punch in star allies with his magic! If you're going to write about him prove that you don't just know about the guy from twitter artwork!

And here’s a graph!

Anyways, thanks everyone for your submissions! What I’ve learned here is important: We’re all fucking delusional.

#I'm going to fist fight the Tumblr editor #Kine anon Ily #Kirby #Rambles #Long post

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

Note

AITA for arguing with someone over ships?

🧀⛵ so i can find this later

Yes, this is ship discourse AITA #294729472 you can scroll away, english isn't my first language, my apologies.

So I (16M (But 13-14 at the time)) am in a very niche fandom. As in, we didn't have any new content for the past 5 years and media is old af (2013), very few fans, most of us know each other already.

I used to have these mutuals Cheese (Not their real name) (around my age i think?? I can't remember) and Breadstick (Not his real name) (18M).

We all had our little ships, ok? I like the little (dumbass golden retriever boy) x (badass traumatized man) ship, Cheese liked the little (badass traumatized man) x (literally the same thing but evil and abusive) and Breadstick liked both ships.

I met Breadstick before meeting Cheese so we were already friends before i met Cheese. I thought "Cool, another person likes this little niche thing i'm hyperfixated on!" So we became mutuals.

I didn't anticipate that we would argue about ships, but oh well. So, i'm a very chill person regarding ships, literally any, although i do have NOTPs, i'm not really toxic about my hatred, i just go "Ah, not my thing" and scroll away not without blocking the person, but really nothing personal and no hard feelings, i can perfectly be friends with someone who loves my notp.

In fact, that was the case with Cheese. They shipped my NOTP, like A LOT. But I was okay with it, i mean these are just characters and all we're doing is being silly. I didn't take this THAT seriously. However, when I seemed to talk about my ship, Cheese seemed uncomfortable in some way.

When I was talking about my fankid (call me cringe idc) of my OTP, Cheese got very confused and asked who was i talking about. Breadstick came in and introduced my fankid to them, since he knew about it before. Cheese just started being rude, literally saying swear words (Not against them but, the context didn't really call for it? No one was being mean or mad), saying, and i quote as best as i can, "I don't know what the fuck made you think i knew who the hell [Fankid] was".

I got very mad about it, so i privately dm'ed Breadstick about Cheese's attitude. We began trash talking about them, which, i admit was a very trashy thing to do and definitely asshole material™.

Reason why may i be the asshole: over time, Breadstick just started complaining a lot about Cheese, and I could honestly agree, it came to the point of us disliking them to some degree but not telling them and not breaking the mutual, that could be considered two faced behavior.

This was partly influenced because of another incident. So Cheese and Breadstick where rambling about an OT3 (3 person ship) they had in common, basically sharing ideas and stuff. I thought it would be fun and went "Hey, I have an OT3 too, maybe i should post about it too". So I went and posted about it, but Cheese felt very uncomfortable with that, since basically my OT3 was exactly like Cheese's OT3 but one character is different, "basically".

They said "You have your thing, let US have ours". Felt bad and honestly, maybe i shouldn't have intruded their ot3 rambling. I didn't expect such negative reaction out of them.

In other occasions they complained about me posting a little too much about my ship, even though they did the same thing with theirs. And they also had a mutual that said "If you ship [this character] you suck and i fucking hate you. [character] is too abusive to be shipped with anyone and you can't just make an AU, that would just change him as a character completely" which, dear god, that language wasn't needed, right?. And despite that crazy person saying that, Cheese agreed with their take, despite literally shipping the character in question with another one. And abusively too, which like you do you, lord knows i do that too, but agreeing with a take like that while doing exactly what it is complaining about is weird. On the other side, that person wasn't my mutual, so it's unrealistic of me to expect Cheese to control their mutuals over me, Cheese can mutual whoever they want, but i can still be weirded out right?

That is without including them telling other people to kill themselves over shipping, so it was clear that Cheese took this shipping thing seriously while me and Breadstick to some degree didn't. Honestly another reason why i might be an asshole, clearly they felt their otp was personal and me not liking it + ignoring it caused a bad environment, mala mía, but what else could i have done?

So, clearly Cheese is kind of an asshole to some degree. But i think what makes ME an asshole too is when I trash talked behind their back and cut them off way later than i should've. And also, i guess i shoved my ship down their throat taking by how mad they were about it? I didn't do it intentionally though and i could definitely say they did the same thing too when 80% of the fandom and character tags was them posting about their ship. Again, small niche fandom for old unpopular media, we are keeping it alive ourselves.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #ship discourse #posts that make me crave one of those lil cheese dip breadstick snack packs #which i have not eaten in roughly uhhhh at least a decade and a half #but the taste. you never forget that taste

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jben073 · 5 months

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Grace Chasity headcanon rambles!

Some silly Grace hcs for @nighthaterfrfr!! I tried to mostly avoid any of mine that you mentioned something similar to in yours bc we had a good deal of overlap! :D

(Just to preface, one of my biggest headcanons is that Grace is autistic so there’s a good chance that some of these may be influenced by that! I did try to pick ones that are more applicable to canon though! [But if anyone wants any of those, I have about a million :3])

When Grace was a young child in elementary school (or Sunday school), she very innocently kissed Alice Woodward and felt something™. (She entirely represses this memory for YEARS.)

^ During her eventual sexuality crisis, despite not having talked to Alice for years outside of polite conversation if they ran into one another, Grace reaches out to her for support/to ask questions because she was the only out queer person that Grace knew and trusted enough not to out her. (Alice big sister mode activated.)

^ (They’re so silly, they’ve literally never interacted outside of a throwaway line about them knowing and possibly disliking each other but to me they're friends who fell apart and eventually find each other again when they're both more grown as people.)

^ Also, ignore me indulging my other biggest hc which is that Grace is a lesbian.

Grace took piano lessons as a child and is actually quite good because she wanted to be the pianist for her church’s masses when she got older! She stopped taking lessons in high school, but she keeps up with playing in her free time to maintain the skill and occasionally help out with music at her church.

^ Richie constantly tries to convince her to learn anime openings and music from games that he plays for him (he begged her to learn Megalovania for weeks until she finally gave in).

She has never celebrated Halloween because her parents think it’s satanic so Ruth and Richie (who definitely still go trick-or-treating in high school) make a point to bring her some of their candy on the following school day.

^ She definitely doesn’t cry about this gesture later when she goes home!!

She is an absolute monster while playing board games, like she gets REALLY aggressive about them.

^ (definitely influenced by Angela's chaos on smosh games, especially the “be a little more gentle!! >:(” clip)

She can’t go to sleep (intentionally) without getting a kiss goodnight. At home, her parents kiss her on the forehead before bed and if she’s at camp, she has to get a kiss on the head from Girl Jeri if she wants to sleep well.

^ It disrupts her routine which makes it harder for her to wind down!!

^ I like to think that before the events of Abstinence Camp, she thought of Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri as older sibling figures.

She has never been to a sleepover because she’s never had good enough friends to be invited to one :(

^ The nerds + Steph very quickly remedy this!!

^ (quick ramble related to the last hc) During the first group sleepover, Steph wakes up in the middle of the night to get a drink, realizes Grace is still up, and after Grace sheepishly admits her dilemma following Steph’s prompting for an explanation, Steph very casually plants a kiss on her forehead and then goes back to sleep. Grace’s face is beet red after this and now she can’t sleep for an entirely different reason.

^ They're in love to me!!!

LIB related

(Based almost entirely on Blinky’s line about watching Grace and the nightmare about Max/Richie that implies she has the gift.)

^ Grace has been connected to the Lords in Black since long before we see her, Steph, and Pete summon them in NPMD.

^ Much like Lex was friends with Webby as a child and forgot, Grace was friends with the LIB when she was young but grew out of it.

^ (I have a whole little overanalysis/hc set of things for this hc if anyone wants to hear :3)

After she starts using the Black Book, her appearance starts to very slightly change so that she always looks just a tiny bit off.

^ Her teeth are just a touch too sharp, her ears have the slightest point to them, and her eyes almost seem to shift in colour (depending on which LIB is influencing her).

^ But hey, it must just be a trick of the light!! She's so normal!! Dw about it!!!

She will occasionally feel the sudden compulsion to bite others (Nibbly is feeling silly!!)

^ She does not act on this… most of the time :3

One more silly one to end on

She once owned a Tamagotchi and became so deeply stressed over the state of this virtual creature that she made herself sick from anxiety.

^ Karen and Mark confiscated the toy very shortly after this.

Anyway ramble's over now but my 45 page google doc of Grace hcs continues to grow every day bc I am fixated hard on this silly little show :3

edit: had to add the '^' thing because the bullets didn't indent properly for some reason!! every one that has that is attached to the previous one without it!

also idk why on mobile the sleepover hc and the Alice hc got cut short?? The sleepover one is supposed to say that now she can't sleep for an entirely different reason and the end of the second bullet says (Alice big sister mode activated).

#grace chasity #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #starkid #hatchetfield #nightmare time #stephanie lauter #lautity #stephgrace #starkid hcs

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lirarere · 1 month

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relationship headcanon with Peter

Peter Maximoff\Quicksilver(X-Men) x reader

notes: I still have a strong hyperfixation on Peter, and I'm still stupidly in love with this mutant, I miss Peter in real life(

warning: bad english, silly fluff, mention of the reader being Xavier's adopted child (very briefly), possibly OOC Xavier lol, mention of movie plots (not too much), some mention of self-hatred (Peter), daddy Issues, mention of depressive episodes

words: 932

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

★ imagine that you met him when you pulled Eric out of the Pentagon (and imagine that Xavier is your adoptive father), well, he flirted with you a lot and persistently and, well, maybe Xavier wanted to kill him a little (?) (yes, in my headcanons Xavier this is exactly the kind of father, please don’t hit me)

★ but nevertheless, you decided to stay and not fly to Paris, or rather, it was your father who decided, he thought it was better to leave you with a teenage guy (SOS SOS NO BOYS ❗❗❗) than to put you in danger (especially considering that Eric is on board)

★ and you decided to hang out with Peter, like you were bored and he seemed like a nice guy and you both listened to Pink Floyd, so why not?

★ you hung out all day, and it was a great day, you did literally everything you could and perhaps also became a kleptomaniac (Peter seems to be a very bad influence on you)

★ you separated, but decided to continue communicating, although you were gradually moving away because of your studies, helping your father, etc., but for some reason you missed Peter, he seemed so familiar, it was so easy with him, and even despite the fact that he was always flirting (with everyone), he did not cross the boundaries and, in principle, seemed not tojust like all the other boys.

★ and then the apocalypse, Peter told you that he is Eric's son, and much more. so much has happened lately that you didn’t even understand when it all ended and when Peter decided to stay at school, but you were glad for this coincidence of circumstances.

★ you had time to catch up, which you were both very happy about, and Peter definitely fell first and harder.

★ he decided to hide it because, well, he’s clearly not in your league, you clearly could have someone better and cooler and more beautiful than him, Peter didn’t even understand why you were friends with him.

★ but you definitely fell in love with this gray-haired kleptomaniac, and unlike him, you didn’t think for a long time and almost immediately confessed your feelings to him. In general, it’s so banal, but you started dating.

★ uhh he is definitely a very gentle and sensitive lover, he is 100% master of all types of love, he will tell you forever about how much he loves you and how beautiful\handsome you are even if nothing has changed about you:

—god, baby! you are so beautiful\handsome today, you are simply beautiful\handsome!

—Peter, literally nothing has changed since last day.

—shh, it doesn’t matter, you’re always stunning.

★ baby, darling, ray of light, my love, etc. - absolutely all pet names Peter will use in relation to you.

★ he will hug you forever, like.. constantly, sometimes some mutants think that you have already grown together (children constantly shout “EWW”)

★ he will definitely buy you something (steal), like literally you just mentioned that you want (something) and the next second he’s standing there with it lol.

★ he is still a person with his own feelings and thoughts, so sometimes you have to calm him down from attacks of self-flagellation and self-hatred, you tell him that he is great, that he is the best person on earth, etc., and he will definitely cry.

★ continuing on this topic, he still has not told his father that he is his son, and he suffers greatly from this, either because of the all-consuming desire to say it or because of some subconscious resentment towards Eric. you will definitely support him in any case and listen to his thoughts on this matter.

★ he just lies his head on your lap and talks about his feelings and experiences, and you just stroke his head, combing his soft hair.

★ but don’t worry, this is not a one-sided game, he also supports you and will do everything (and when I say everything I mean ABSOLUTELY everything) to make you happy and if you need to distract you from all your worries.

★ if you have depressive episodes, he will do all the housework for you, clean, cook, even if he needs to take you to the bathroom and wash your hair, you are the best thing that has happened to him, a small thing can do this to you, regarding how much love there is you give it to him.

★ sometimes he thinks that he is unworthy of you and you always scold him (kindly) for these thoughts, because why does he even think so, he is the best boy on earth, this should not be in doubt.

★ you ship your fathers as a joke (SORRY—)

★ remembering Xavier by the way, at some point he accepted that you were together, although he still tries to take care of you (and it seems to you that he threatened Peter a couple of times, saying something like “if I hear even one bad thought about my child in your head..." )

★ btw, I have headcanons of Peter's jealousy.

★ almost every evening you have a kissing session while watching a movie, no matter what, after 5 minutes they will already forget about film.

★ dates in arcade machines are the best that could be, in principle, every date with Peter is the best that could be.

★ to summarize, Peter is the best (anyone doubted?), He is the best thing that could happen in this life. he's definitely 37637262726\10.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

god I love Peter, I want him in real life or his kinnie in my life (please if you are Peter's kinn text me—)

sorry if there are mistakes here, I wrote this very sleepy :(

masterlist

♡rere

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crescentfool · 2 months

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What are your ryomina headcanons? I've loved these two since I played P3 FES, and I'm so excited to get back into the fandom^^

hi!! thank you so much for the ask, welcome back to the p3 fandom, it's always a delight to see new and old ryomina fans alike! 🥺💛💙

as for headcanons, here's a "few" i that i tend to come back to a lot! my interpretations of them are influenced from both the source material and other's fanworks, so i've linked to them as i saw fit! hcs in no particular order under the cut because oops this got long (900 word bullet point list, mentions of reload content up to 1/1)

minato's hair is dyed blue (hair originally brown, you can see it in his roots!) and he has a beauty mark on under his left eye. i like mirror imagery and there's definitely a few arts i've rb'd that portray them this way :) (e.g. this one by feliichu and this one by marasschino)

as far as i'm concerned the bathhouse scene from the manga where ryoji's hair down = similar shape to minato? that is canon to me. this art from xierru is a fun depiction of hair down ryoji :D

ryoji is homeless. everyone say thank you foxmulder_whereartthou for this awesome fic it's why i have the headcanon! but like seriously. we have no idea where ryoji lives and i could believe this.

minato dying at the end of the game is sad to an outsider's POV BUT!!! ryomina gets to be together in death for the rest of their lives (this illustration from mafuwara is a gorgeous representation of them as nyx avatar + the seal)!

speaking of the seal, they are like telepathically communicating to me in the great seal together. (mymp3 had a comic wip with this. give it a looksie :D)

ryoji likes cuddling with minato because he's warm :) (something something orpheus has fire affinity, minato is warm by extension and ryoji is cold because he's death)

ryoji's camera roll is filled with pictures of minato! ryoji... loves life, to me. and i feel that photography and journaling are perfect ways of expressing gratitude and capturing the moments in life that are most important to you :3

my other favorite activity for these two is stargazing- i feel like it's something they could appreciate either in life or death (looking at the stars from the great seal...)! they do a bit of this in the fic eurydice's vow by crescentmoontea (P5R spoilers, takes place in third sem it's a very fun fic concept).

between ryoji and minato i feel like ryoji was the one who fell in love first- and it doesn't really click in place for minato that he loves ryoji until december hits (appriser reveal + ryoji transforming into thanatos). its about the realization that ryoji was with him for his whole life and that he gets him like no one else does.

ryoji is like a sad and wet puppy who is so scared minato won't like him back. he is so scared of being rejected by minato to me like. this boy straight up deflates after he does his "i know i said i wanted us to be friends, but... i actually want to be something more." / "what about you?" on 12/1 ???

AND SPEAKING of wet puppy ryoji. ryoji is like. every animal in the world to me. he's a bird. he's a cat. etc. and also ryoji knows every language in the world ever and uses it to express his love for minato. see this fic from superheroics to see what i mean.

both of them are lactose intolerant. "this isn't lactose, it's milk!" i definitely think ryoji would make himself sick eating ice cream and milk he doesn't know what lactose is. (i made a silly poll about this once and the tags were very entertaining.)

i see minato as transmasc or nonbinary depending on the day (schrodinger's headcanons babey they're simultaneously true and not true at the same time!!). either way he's not cis to me and ryoji is like. His Gender. anyway go read this fic by nail_gun for t4t ryomina :D !

ryomina are WEIRD GUYS TO ME!!! they are so strange and they understand each other better than anyone else because of the circumstances of their relationship!!! if you asked them to do the "i wonder what i taste like" meme i think they'd start biting each other (affectionate) tbh but that's just me.

after ryoji gives minato the music box in 12/31 on reload, minato listens to the music box every night in january. this boy has insomnia and also chronic illness to me (things that housing death does to you). but i think he finds comfort in the melody and memories he made with ryoji.

in general, i think it's fun to imagine minato taking ryoji to places and show him things he's interested in! i feel that ryoji takes a lot of interest in minato's life, this isn't really a hc because in reload, minato DOES give ryoji a tour of the school (11/9) and possibly port island (11/12). but ITS CUTE OK! (tangentially related fanwork: this series of doodles from vinnigami: 1, 2, and 3)

not a hc but minato's kindness is like the backbone of their relationship and i think we would not have the ryomina we know and love today if minato wasn't such a kind soul. oh minato.... we can learn so much from you... like ryoji did!

anyway! that's all the hcs that i could think of, thank you for the ask! i had a lot of fun answering this, these two mean a lot to me 💛💙

i hope you don't mind the links to the fanart and fanfic as well, the fanwork people have made for ryomina have really made an imprint on me! if you want to see more of them, i definitely recommend looking through my tag for them because oh. i got a lot of them reblogged alright 😂 (<- SOOO NORMAL)

#UMMM hiiii #this was VERY fun to do thank you so much for the ask!! im very. well-adjusted about these two #this ended up turning into some art + fic suggests (they are like citations to my hcs)#but it was really fun! i love ryomina to bits and pieces i cannot provide a concise answer #this post nearly gave me a scare bc somehow the bullet point list doubled itself and wouldn't let me post #tumblr is a very functional website! but the posts intact so im happy!!! yippee!#i still need to finish reload but some of the hcs i wrote were partially backed by what i saw there #people are welcome to send asks btw! cant guarantee i'll answer them in a timely manner but i enjoy doing them #doing this reminded me of my early tumblr days when i'd get so many asks where ppl dropped their ryomina hcs it was cute...#im sure i will continue to recommend fanworks in the future i definitely want to start reading fic again after i finish reload! yahoo!#also this post is like the iceberg of my brain btw you have definitely not seen all of my thoughts im soo. (twirls hair) normal.#lizzy askbox #ryomina #<- why not i put effort into the post #anyway bye im going to go to the library to learn about my favorite new interest called html and css aren't websites cool :)

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