#for a CHRONIC illness that i'll have forever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dearmrsawyer · 1 year

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#just filled in a new patient form for a gp at the uni i live behind #and there was the optional field to include sexuality and they had an 'asexual' box and i got to select it :)#first time i've ever seen that option included on an official form before!!!#hoping that i can become a patient (and that if i do i like the dr lol)#it would be so convenient as i live next door and the gap payment is half as much as the gp i go to now #a little bit sad tho as i really love my current dr she is so sweet #i want to stay with her but its 25 mins away since we moved #and the gap payment they introduced this year feels v high #im going to write an email to my local member asking why i need a new referral for my specialist every year #for a CHRONIC illness that i'll have forever #surely my specialist does not need my gp to write me a fresh referral every year for something i will always have ???#and now i will need to pay just to get a referral i will always need #dumbest system lol #ANYWAY point is i got to say i was ace on an official form and it was exciting \o/#tp

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standfucker · 3 months

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not gonna lie yall, it feels like all I do is either work or recover from work and it's bumming me out big time

#I don't have a chronic illness. I shouldn't be taking this long to recover #idk why I can't get home from work and go straight to writing #it's like I have to spend a day mustering up the will to live in the face of ongoing capitalism #it's my own fault. I would have had a two day weekend but they asked me to come in to cover someone and my clown ass said sure #I want to be pissed at the coworker who called off but it's my own fault for accepting #I had a phone interview today and I am ANXIOUS to know if they're going to bring me in for a second interview I NEED a better job #I just want a job where I dont dread going to work and also maybe get paid more than minimum wage #feeling really depressed about capitalism and working forever and knowing I'll never be able to afford a house #I WANT TIME TO DO MY HOBBIES GOD DAMN IT ;A;#also im lonely as hell. how am I supposed to go out and meet people if I'm too tired to do anything #I wanna meet someone. I wanna be loved romantically.

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ultimategirldad · 2 years

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✨️ The long awaited return...! ✨️

*rises from the ashes like a phoenix with a body clock innately attuned to deltarune and deltarune only* hello. I live! ...anyway. 1 week till DR CH2 anniversary how y'all doing?

#it has been a WHILE holy shit have I missed you all #I give you a recent electra sketch as an offering. a little treat. a morsel.#she looks extra girl boss here omg yes girl slay. live rent free in my mind (apparently forever???? because I Cannot Get You Out--)#right! let's do like a quick life update since it isn't really a capri post without paragraphs of tags lmao #short version: I'm doing pretty good despite my country economically falling apart! yay!#I had a bit of a hiccup a few months ago though bc my iron deficiency anemia got so bad I couldn't walk--#from my bedroom to the lounge w/out getting super breathless and ill and. it was bad.#I was worried I was gonna end up having a heart attack it was terrifying. Waiting to recover was anxiety inducing :(#but! I'm doing a lot better now and can go on walks again and it makes me so so happy holy shit #still like... got some unexplainable chronic pain issues that have not been solved. so not perfect. but good enough for now.#apart from that I have some exciting things going on that I'm waiting for confirmation on. will elaborate another time.#I really missed this lovely community 🥺💜 I have SO much art and writings to catch up on!!! I'll be a reblogging machine honestly sdfgjkl #you are all kind and wonderful and so creative and...! just. I'm vv excited to celebrate DR and UT anniversaries with you all 💕💕💕#fingers crossed I might have some time to create celebratory art! let's wait and see 🤞#deltarune oc #electra

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theonlythingimfuckingisstupid · 1 year

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anybody else feel like this is all there is and it’s never gonna end?

#like. tonight is just so #hard #and i cant even think of a better word but like #sometimes it feels like this is how its gonna be forever and itll never stop #but then i have to remind myself that im moving away from this town and this family #and eventually itll be good that it's never gonna end #because itll be nice and fun and safe #and i wont have to hide in my room all the time and lie about working #because people will understand chronic fatigue and i'll finally get my fucking adhd diagnosis #and maybe if im really fucking lucky ill get my autism diagnosis too #but its just. really hard lately #but as soon as i finish this math class it'll get easier i think #and i only have eight lessons left #and i get to have lunch with a friend on monday #and no school on monday #and eventually im moving out #so its not forever #em rambles #ask to tag #sorry that was a long tag rant

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threnodians · 2 years

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i just wanna go home and snuggle with my kitten and read fanfic until i fall asleep but noOo i have to work another 4-5hrs because i close tonight 🥲✌🏻

#kayleigh.txt #so looking forward to tomorrow because a) it's just a dr l day (aka the one literally everyone prefers) and b) i only work 9am to 2pm #and i have a blessed chiropractor appointment for the first time in forever immediately after work tomorrow too #hopefully i don't have to stay too much after 7pm but honestly there's no point in getting pissy about it 🤷🏼‍♀️#i just wish they'd schedule me 10:30 to 7:30 or 11 to 8 instead #because our last appointment doesn't even end until 7pm so i can't really clean until after 7pm #i dunno i'm just exhausted and miserable #i'll feel better after i hopefully get some actual sleep tonight and especially after my chiropractor appointment tomorrow afternoon #today ain't even going bad (knock on wood) i'm just an exhausted neurodivergent idiot with chronic illnesses 😂

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jaymesdoodles · 1 year

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being disabled with a chronic illness is like. I'll never go back to my old life. This is forever. I'm tired all the time, but all I do is sleep. I'm tired of being tired. I wanna work. I wanna go to school. going to the grocery store tires me out, and I'll pay for it tomorrow. I wanna change my life. this isn't ever going to get better. I'm just gonna be in physical therapy until I plateau. I feel better today I must be faking it. I'm feeling better today I'll use this energy to do some work. I am once again bedridden. My life will never be the same. This is something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I guess it's hard to comprehend that. AND FUCK TERFS AND RADFEMS

#chronic illness #chronic pain #disabled #disability #cpunk #fibromyalgia #jaymes talks #sorry for sadposting

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worldchampgameco · 3 months

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I've been trucking away all winter on my next big project, BLOOD BORG, and I'm one month away from hitting go on Kickstarter IT'S LIVE ON KICKSTARTER NOW so I wanted to share it here.

Blood Borg is a vampyric gutter punk ttrpg built on the sturdy back of swedish doom metal rpg MORK BORG, inspired by early 00's vampire media like True Blood and Buffy mixed with punk nihilism like SLC Punk and Uncle Peckerhead.

This game reflects a lot of similar themes of one of my favorite other releases, Cybermetal 2012, in that it focuses on the lives of everyday people who are objectively not heroes who struggle to survive in an antagonistic world. Cybermetal was intended as a reflection on my 30's and current way of life: finding community and trying to do good by one another. While writing, I sort of discovered Blood Borg is a reflection of my 20's: the idea that we are young forever and never going to die, running through alleys at 3 am to nowhere, pulling day-old bagels from the dumpster like we discovered gold, and yet feeling the discordance of chronic mental illness compounded by the regular pains of growing up and the futility of fighting back against the inaccessible systems that run the world.

A longer more involved artist statement is one of the hidden stretch goals for this project, I'm excited to write at length about what these things mean to me and how they are cooked into the systems of the game.

I'm really proud of Blood Borg and it does what a lot of my games aim to do: engage philosophically with what it is to be a person in a society, the importance of support communites, the otherness of being for better or worse, all while simultaneously being a gonzo blast of a game that is fun as hell to play.

APRIL 9, Blood Borg launches on Kickstarter. I'll have the beautiful hardcover book, a screen-printed variant cover, a bunch of fun merch, and more available. Visit bloodborg.com to pre-save and get notified on launch.

Blood Borg is designed/written by myself, Adam Vass, and illustrated by Mitchell Van Dyke in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

#ttrpg community #ttrpg design #indie ttrpg #horror art #vampire #true blood #buffy the vampire slayer #vampirism #ttrpg #vampire the masquerade #crowdfunding

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pickingupmymercedes · 2 months

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Hiii I love your writing so much!! I was wondering if you can make a Lewis x reader where she has some type of chronic illness and one day she gets a really bad flare up and he takes care of her :)

If you’re not comfortable or don’t feel like writing it you can ignore this ask :)

Hi love, of course! I did a shortish one-shot

Btw, I chose eczema because my beautiful best friend has battled it a good chunk of her teen years and I'm so incredibly and forever proud of the amazing woman she's become, and how she continously lifts other people even when she doesn't have to . Love you H.

Warnings: description of eczema

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The sun dipped below the horizon, casting hues of orange and pink across the sky. In the serene twilight, Lewis Hamilton sat by the window, watching the Melbourne lights twinkle like distant stars. His thoughts drifted to the upcoming Japanese Grand Prix, the anticipation of this week off tingling in the air. But amidst the excitement, a sense of worry gnawed at him.

Beside him, you lay on the couch, curled up in discomfort. The gentle hum of the evening enveloped the room, but your soft whimpers cut through the tranquility. Lewis glanced at you, concern etched on his features.

"Are you okay, love?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.

You managed a weak nod, but the pain etched on your face betrayed your words. Lewis sighed softly, his heart heavy with concern. He knew all too well the toll your chronic illness took on you, especially during flare-ups.

Your eczema, a constant companion in your life, often made its presence known at the most inconvenient times. Lewis had witnessed the struggles you faced; the silent battles fought behind closed doors. Yet, through it all and much to your comfort, he remained steadfast by your side.

That night, however, your flare-up seemed particularly severe. Lewis could see the discomfort etched in every line of your face. Gently, he knelt beside you, his touch feather-light as he brushed a stray lock of hair from your forehead. "I'll take care of you, darling," he murmured softly, his voice a soothing melody in the dimly lit room.

Despite his assurances, you couldn't shake the feeling of shame that enveloped you. The raw, red patches on your legs, a stark reminder of your condition, made you feel vulnerable and exposed. The thought of facing the world, especially at the upcoming Grand Prix, filled you with dread.

Lewis sensed your inner turmoil – it was a place your mind tended to take you – his heart aching at the sight of your distress. With a tender smile, he reached for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. "You don't have to hide, love," he whispered, his voice a gentle reassurance. "You're beautiful, just as you are."

Days passed, and the Japanese Grand Prix loomed ever closer. The excitement in the air was palpable, anticipation crackling like electricity. But amidst the flurry of preparations, you couldn't shake the lingering doubt if you should go at all. As the day of the race dawned, nerves fluttered in your stomach like a restless butterfly. The thought of facing the world, your eczema on full display, filled you with dread.

Regardless, you made your way to the track, the air alive with the roar of engines and the buzz of the crowd. Amidst the sea of faces, Lewis's support anchored you, a steady presence in the tumultuous sea of life.

The days following the Grand Prix went as usual. Another Mercedes bad weekend, the headlines filled with the dread of how they would bounce back, but amidst the bad press, a simple message on social media caught your eye, touching your heart in a profound way.

In a picture of you and Lewis, taken during the Grand Prix, was accompanied by a heartfelt caption.

"I've always been ashamed of my eczema, hiding it away from the world. But seeing [Your Name] embracing her skin and being open about her struggles gives me hope. Thank you for showing me that it's okay to be myself, flaws and all. 💖 #EczemaWarrior #TrueBeauty"

Tears welled in your eyes as you read the heartfelt words, the impact of your openness suddenly crashing you, the realization that your journey could inspire and empower others was almost overwhelming.

With a trembling hand, you liked the post and replied with a heartfelt message of your own. "Thank you for your beautiful words. You are strong and beautiful just as you are. Never be afraid to show it. 💖"

The outpouring of support and encouragement that followed was overwhelming, a testament to the power of authenticity and vulnerability. Messages from fans around the world flooded your notifications, each one echoing the hope you felt.

However, amidst the sea of positivity, a few photographers at the Grand Prix had been less than kind. Their whispered comments and mocking glances hadn't gone unnoticed, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

One evening, as you sat in Lewis’ lap in his home back in Monaco, he turned to you with a gentle expression, his eyes filled with concern.

You looked into his eyes, seeing the genuine care and love reflected in his gaze. Taking a deep breath, you squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"You don't have to talk about your eczema just because people are noticing it, you know. You owe them nothing" he said softly, his voice filled with compassion. "I just want you to be happy and comfortable."

"I want to do this, Lew" you said, your voice steady with conviction. "I was the kid embarrassed of it, hiding it away from the world. Other kids need to know they have no reason to be ashamed. If sharing my story can help even one person feel less alone, it's worth it."

Lewis's eyes softened, a proud smile gracing his lips as he nodded in understanding. "You’re so brave, babe.” he whispered, pulling you close. "I’m forever proud of you”.

#ella asks #elladrabbles #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton imagine #f1 x reader

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shanieveh · 1 year

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THE DAY... THE MUSIC DIED

— how the 4nemo men reacted to your death

KAZUHA — !

As KAZUHA left you for his travels, you muttered the sweetest take cares and created beautiful letters for him to hold on to. You were enough to go home, you were home. And as he reached breathtaking views and complex cultures, he'll pick the most exotic of flowers and make them into bookmarks so you won't have to fold the pages to know what part you are on.

And as he arranged the assortment of trinkets, he was ready to go back home. And in his surprise and sorrow, there was no you to greet him. He looked around. Did you get tired of him? Did you leave him, was it too late? He reached home and was greeted by a crowd of familiar faces, all in mourning. His friends, his acquaintances. KAZUHA did not know what was going on, he felt confused and in the middle of it all he saw a wilting coffin. One with your face, but not the lovable soul within it.

"Take care Kazuha, okay? I'll be here waiting no matter the time, I'll always be here for you when you arrive."

SCARAMOUCHE — !

He knew falling in love with a mortal was a mistake. But he learned that life had a meaning if it wasn't forever. It had a purpose. You who were a ticking time bomb, a chronic illness keeping you in check. SCARAMOUCHE was always so clueless as to why you wanted to live forever, when he desired nothing but to die in a pit of flames. But as he spends time with you, and took care of you, he too wanted to same thing. He believed in a silly fantasy that you can get better, that you will get better, he was borderline delusional.

But there was a part of him that wanted you to die. That wanted all this pain in your heart to disappear. That wanted you stop crying about being hurt and maybe be in the heaven you so desperately hated to be in, in a place where is no SCARAMOUCHE, but there is eternal rest. He got what he wanted. And as he laid in your bed, and stared up, the only view you can see for the last days of your life. The same smell, the same place, but never the same feeling.

"When I'll live maybe we could finally see the movies together, oh maybe even play with the street children I see in the windows. Oh you want me to rest? You're such a killjoy..."

XIAO — !

His life finally found peace when he met you. All the deaths, and all the pains were put in the past when you touched his face. His nights that of heavy burdens was a gift when it meant he will watch you sleep at the end of the day. You showed him happiness, how can he not get attached? XIAO loves life when there is you in it, he cherish every second of your mortal being. The simplicity of it all, away from the complex living of adepti, you gave him serenity when a war was brewing in his mind.

But as these two worlds crashed together, you had to pay the price. He should've known better than to be so overwhelmed with karmic debt, he can't hold it in, and you were the primary witness. As he screams of pain and agony, his madness overtook him a blur. He was charging heavy blows in his weapon, as you try to calm him down to no avail. His instict overtook him as he hit towards the sound of your pleads. And as your voice fades and a slash was made, XIAO finally returned to a lucid state. He saw what he had done, and the price he had to pay.

"You are the kindest of them Xiao. I don't think you are some scary being as the legends and tales about you, not when you look so pretty staring back at me like that."

VENTI — !

You hate the Gods. They gave you all these curses, all these time limits, all these pain, yet paint themselves as benevolent beings who do no wrong. They are all a fraud, but humans like VENTI are what keep you going. He can't dare tell you of his identity, but one can often hear a sad laughter when rants about the heaven slip your tongue. He follows you day by day, with beautiful melodies to cheer you up. You didn't how these tunes have relieved your pain, but it did. How can a lazy bard like him heal you in such a way?

The truth was VENTI had enough admiring you from afar. He wanted to converse with, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to love you and didn't care if you shared the same emotion. None of that mattered to him, he wanted you alive, he wanted you well. But fearless wind can never stop the corrosion of time. And as he saw you in your final days, you often said how even if the Gods hated you, atleast they gave you him. Him who tells you funny stories and myths of time. You died content, but he was the one who gained your ideology. When he was such an incompetent fool and can't even save the love of a lifetime.

"Maybe you were the blessing from the Gods I so desperately wanted. Venti, when I die live on. Forget these months, forget me. But know that I die happy because of you."

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wawawawawawawawawawawawawa · 18 days

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the amount of times i Do This must be a joke at this point but here i am. doing it once more. izaya's highschool videogame SCREAMS "i just found out i have aspd and i am NOT taking it well." and i shall explain how

a preface: wrt "how did he know in high school, don't you have to be 18?" you do.... with the dsm guidelines. japan, iirc, uses a conbination of the dsm and icd to diagnose mental illnesses, and the age stipulation isn't in the icd. also, shinra could have told him, and lbr shinra wouldnt care about strictly adhering to the age thing

anyway i went thru and highlighted different parts of the videogame's text, so i can easier explain which part means what. i'll primarily be focusing on the chronic boredom associated with aspd- since izaya's game deals with patience, most musings in it will be related to that boredom. but the boredom, especially izaya's, IS important, as its the boredom that drives him to do what he does. to be what he is.

(shoutout to miyukiwinter for the scan)

so... the red bit. this relates to izaya's worldview of the need to keep evolving to escape the mundane, and it not mattering if you aim high or low. now at this point, izaya was solidly in some shady shit and clearly on the path of the low aim. but the thing is, about aspd... the boredom is all consuming. you'll do ANYTHING to not be bored. i've seen people say they developed substance abuse problems to escape the boredom, and i confess... i've done it too. it truly is THAT bad

i say all this because... izaya will never be able to stop going lower, and lower, and lower. he's fated to fall forever. maybe he wouldve been able to brush his behavior off as teenage craziness, but with a diagnosis like aspd it becomes increadingly obvious that there is no "oh, i'll mellow out once i reach my 20s." it's not going to happen, at least, not without great effort. and lets be real, nobody has any faith in aspd's recovery rates, less so in the early 2010s, so izaya upon diagnosis would see NO FUTURE for himself. no escape from the cycle. he's trapped.

the blue bits are a bit more vauge, but the undertainty turning to loss evokes the next stage after the initial shock of diagnosis: grief. and make no mistake, there IS a grieving process with mental health diagnoses. you go from being shocked and scared, to being depressed and numb.

but there's... another layer to this, with aspd. you see it with cluster b disorders in general, but aspd is HUGE in the pop culture zeitgeist

the layer is, the idea that People Like That don't feel emotions. that any emotional display is false and an explicit ploy to mainpulate someone

and when this inevitably ends up untrue, you might start to feel... odd... about feeling those emotions people say you can't feel. and one of the biggest emotions aspd gets that with, is fear and by extension, anxiety.

some aspd people genuinely do feel reduced fear! but it's far from being a diagnostic criteria, and aspd can actually be comorbid with anxiety disorders. but scientific facts and wider culture rarely match up, so the idea persists

so izaya might have started to think.... was he ever truly anxious? or worried? was he really more rotten than people thought; was he just mainpulating people the whole time? does he really not feel anxiety? was his nervousness over things like shinra leaving him or hell, this diagnosis, rendered null and void?

and then we reach the teal portion.... despair

(just a sidenote, tumblr has no teal color option so it'll just be blue)

in this sense, "the hole" refers to the endless downward spiral, and his diagnosis- but not just having it. no, "the hole" most likely refers to the moment izaya developed it in the first place.

who are you, if you thought you were in control your whole life, but you found out that the reason you do the things you do were because of foeces beyond your control? who are you now, having a label you know will cause everyone to see you as nothing but a stereotype?

why was he still alive, suffering like this? what point is it to be alive, controlled by something you can't fight, forced to make your life worse and worse and worse, until you die young?

so now what? who did this to him?

in the game, the hatred is towards "the player." and honestly this could have multiple different meanings when applied to izaya's own life

does he hate god? was he raised religious, his father being a christian, and was this what made him lose faith? what loving god would condemn someone to suffer like this?

does he hate his parents? after all, it was their genetics that passed this down, their upbringing that nurtured it, their neglect that made him the way he was. is it their fault?

or... does he hate himself, for being the way that he is? for having it in the first place, for not being able to overcome it, for having such a bad reaction to it?

for being too cowardly to kill himself?

which brings us to the final segment. awareness.

he says outright, the game is depicting the player's life. in the game itself, this ties into his mockery of players, but in a meta sense, it could be a hidden admission that it's depicting his life

especially the talk of meaningless games- fooling around with nakura creating small gangs, betting pools, and his eventual adult pastimes of messing with people. is his life enriched? no, it's merely occupied, and he knows it. he might have repressed it as an adult, but here, in high school, at this moment, he knows.

and if he can never truly alleviate his boredom, never truly be fufilled, then he can act like he's in control all he wants, but he's no better than a man falling in a hole.

#izaya orihara #orihara izaya #durarara #durarara side stories #AYYYYYY WE R SO BACK #im still v stressed about moving BUT i couldnt resist i HAD to write smth about this #i havent had the money to get the side stories book!!! 😭😭#all my money is going towards movingggg and bills #hashtag still open for commissions #waposts

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bugs1nmybrain · 4 months

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First of all, love your writing! I especially love reading your headcanons 😁

Would it be alright to ask for headcanons on how Stein would be with a S/O that’s chronically ill/has a weak immune system? Like winters for them are hell because they know they’re gonna catch a cold come September and coughing fits, doctors visits and medication refills are just apart of their daily routine(may or may not be speaking from experience TTwTT)

🤍⚡️Franken Stein (Soul Eater) x Immuno-compromised Reader 🔩 🩺

I haven't written for Stein in forever!!! I hope I write this with sensitivity! I'll research a bit on it to make sure I write this as accurate as I can.

Warnings: Gender neutral reader, sfw, chronically ill reader, not proofread yet

Mister Doctor man is on the case!

If you don't tell him upfront that you have a weak immune system, he'll notice quick that you seem to be constantly under the weather

Will pry about it, and ask you if this is regular for you

When you tell him that you're chronically ill, it isn't a surprise. He'll help

Stein is proficient in most areas of medical care, so he'll make sure your medications are constantly available to you and even offer to be your personal domestic doctor. You'll tell him it's a conflict of interest as a joke, but he insists

He knows how to make sure you're as comfortable as you can be, making sure you're properly nourished and getting meals that incorporate a proper amount of vitamins

It isn't exactly a cure, but it helps

If you're feel especially sick, he encourages rest. If you need doctors' notes for work or college or the like, he's on it.

He doesn't treat you like you're made of glass or anything because he knows better, but he's definitely vigilant of your symptoms and reminds you to make sure you're taking your medicine and taking it easy if you're having a hard time

Coughing fits don't gross him out and he'll be there to help you feel better however he can

Will hound on treatment regimens

He'll try soooo hard not to ask if he can dissect you

Ofc will remind you to wash your hands regularly, but he knows you're already aware of that. His reminders are more his way of telling you he cares about your wellbeing and that he loves you (don't let him convince you that he doesn't)

If you need someone by your side when you're bedridden, he's there. Even if he has to take off time from work, he will, and don't feel guilty for it. He'll sit beside you and have the silliest conversations with you, whether they are theoretical or just casual talk. If you win him over he'll snuggle, but this man is TALL so get yourself a big bed, okay?

He will try to keep his smoke out of your face so that it doesn't stuff you up

He's here to help you to the best of his abilities. He can only imagine how hard it is, but he's a smart guy. He'll take care to make sure you're as healthy as possible.

#immunocompromised reader #chronically ill reader #professor stein #franken stein #professor stein x reader #professor stein x reader headcanons #franken stein soul eater #franken stein x reader

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shiftingconfessions · 3 months

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Hey, delulu confession and chronically ill shifter here. I'm finally doing it, and to be honest, I'm terrified, but I'm also excited. I feel like that one scene at the end of the night at the museum.

Honestly, I wanna start this off by thanking the shifting community. I wouldn't have gotten this far without you guys. So thank you.

Ya know, I'm gonna miss my family, even though I'm just shifting to a parallel where I'm healthy, I think thers part of me that'll always wonder what's going on back here.

I still can't wait to finally be able to do the things I've always wanted. I'm scared I somehow won't make it, I will. But maybe that's just an excuse because I'm scared to leave in general. I know there's nothing to be afraid of, though. Someone's waiting for me on the other side, too. I just have to believe.

I want to say goodbye to this reality. It brought me shifting, and I'll forever be eternally grateful for that. I also want to thank my body in this reality. Despite everything, it still took care of me, and I'm grateful for that.

Lastly, i wanna say goodbye to my sister. I'm sorry I'm leaving you behind in this reality. Hopefully, one day, you, too, will believe in shifting and can leave this reality behind for something better. I love you, take care of yourself, and I'm so proud to have been your sister in this reality.

.

#reality shifting #shiftblr #shifting realities #desired reality #shifting community #shifting

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araekniarchive · 5 months

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i'm moving!

hi all :)) it's been a little while since i've been very active on this blog, and whilst a good chunk of that is chronic illness/job related, another big part is that i've been really struggling with my own tagging systems, to the point it feels like work just to reblog something properly. this is primarily because the theme tagging system for this blog evolved as i did, and a lot of the tags i used to use on her became superfluous, or repeated, and despite how many i have i still struggled to find stuff!

in addition to that, because of the way the tumblr editor used to work, the way i added images to posts would randomly add blank image descriptions to the pictures that just said 'image' and i couldn't change them, which made the webs look very ugly on mobile and also inaccessible to people using screenreaders or with sight issues on any browser, which is the opposite of what i wanted. thankfully, this has now been fixed for new webs, but is unfixable on the older webs which is a real bummer :(

so, a couple of weeks ago i randomly decided to do something about it. and i did! a few of you have noticed that a new blog, @otheraraekni, has been reblogging some of my webs and adding image descriptions in the reblogs, but i've also been remaking some webs as well with the alt text finally working as intended. i've made a new navigation page for my blog organisation, full of some tags i've kept, some i've slightly changed, and a whole new kind of tags for those i use most often. currently all the links on there will lead to this blog (so some of them will lead nowhere, as they may be new tags) but my intention is to switch urls.

so -- moving? in a day or so (once i've got the last kinks worked out) i will be turning my otheraraekni blog into araekni, and this blog into an archive. because araekni is a sideblog, i don't really have the option to just attach it to an old email and set it adrift, and i'm hoping not to have to get notifications from it forever, so in a month or so it will be deleted.

why a month? hopefully that will give everyone time to save any webs they like from this blog that i haven't decided to move over to what will be the new araekni! obviously, a good portion of the followers on this blog are from a couple of years ago when i was posting webs much more regularly, and i am not at all expecting the new blog to reach the same level of popularity as this one did, but if anybody would like to follow the new blog this is your chance :) i'll queue this post a couple dozen times so as many people as possible see it, but if you don't wish to follow me over there, please know how much i have loved keeping this blog over the years and how wonderful of an experience it has been <3

#not a web #important #araekni #otheraraekni #housekeeping

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goodluckclove · 28 days

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Okay Clove. I've seen a lot of little snippets from Blind Trust and I rock with your writing style a ton. But what's the book actually about?? Something with magic in a contemporary setting ? Hot dogs are somehow involved ??

Geets, it's me, the person who never learned how to properly pitch their own writing! I'll give it a shot anyway. I have a pinned post on my blog that has the fancy synopsis I'll probably put on the back of the book, but I'm fresh from a nap and on my phone and Feeling Frisky so I'll try and take it a different way.

What is Blind Trust about?

Blind Trust is book one of the Songbird Elegies, and it takes place in a contemporary world where magic exists but isn't great. It's not bad in a cool, The Witcher sort of way. Most people only know about magic through The Academy, where anyone can enlist and learn how to tap into the source of magic itself. Which sounds cool until you consider the physical strain of even a minor spell, the fact that major spells can take massive amounts for studying and practice and still aren't that powerful, and how carrying a wand on your person at all times is not easy to do without looking and feeling like a dipshit. Essentially, the average Academic Witch is like an arrogant MFA student or so someone really into craft beer.

But then there is a certain, little-studied medical anomaly that creates birthrights, which are individuals born already tapped into the source of magic by design. They each have a single ability that they can do without a wand (or wand-shaped proxy), but it's nothing innately combative and is mainly used to help interact with society at large. This is because the Birthright Gene is seen exclusively in individuals who are either born with a severe hereditary, genetic, or developmental disability, or will develop one over the course of their life but I'm not supposed to talk about that yet.

Birthrights are often found in a few scattered witch towns, where they use their abilities to focus on social work and community outreach. People also call them genetic witches, but you'd be hard-pressed to get a birthright to call themselves a witch at all. They don't value magic at all in the same way Academics do, and primarily see their "gift" as a chronic illness to manage and accommodate for.

Birthrights and Academics have varying relationships depending on where you are and who you ask but I can't really get into that because in Blind Trust no one knows anything so you don't get to either.

Well, that's not true. There's a mutual understanding of the concept of soul bonds, which are lifelong connections formed between individuals born in the source of magic - though how much people actually retained about this varies. A soul bond is not unlike a karass in Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, in that the people involved are cosmically entangled with each other in a very profound way.

They might be born to be companions, family, enemies, or lovers. The last possibility, called a Lover's Knot, is the rarest and is reserved as a way to contain birthrights who would otherwise be capable of reality-shattering degrees of power. Which nobody wants. Especially not a birthright.

Meet Edgar Gallows and Scott Skylark Kaufner. Scott is a birthright from a witch town and Edgar was born into an Academy in Louisiana, despite also being birthright.

At the start of Blind Trust Edgar has escaped his Academy for the time being and has established a ramshackle and pretty lonely life for himself in New Orleans. He never wants to touch a wand for the rest of his life, and his only hope is to be boring and safe and left alone forever.

Meanwhile, Scott has been having a real rough time. He's been wandering the country nonstop for years with an unfathomable cosmic horror feeding on his sanity and gradually eroding reality around him. Birthrights don't use their abilities often, but for some reason Scott can't turn his off, and they've been warped to the degree where he's been forced to manipulate everyone around him. He can't stop, though. The only thing that can make this stop is if he finds the other half of his Lover's Knot, who he now only remembers as a ghostly vision named Eddie.

Scott and Edgar meet in a dirty walk-in of a mid-tier, overpriced bar and restaurant. Stuff changes and continues to change. Magic is involved but it's not really about the magic.

It's asexual and romantic and soft and confused and frightening and frightened and tender and in book two Edgar eats a hot dog for four pages. It's a great book about love and devotion that's sensual but not at all sexual, because the Clove Gardener Pledge is that there is no sex depicted at any point in the series. It's a great series if you're coping with parental neglect and trauma and want to read a depiction of self-love through an unconventional romantic pairing.

Blind Trust. Buy it in June in paperback or ebook, or just ask me for it and I'll probably give it to you.

#writeblr #writing community #writers on tumblr #on writing #authors of tumblr #writing #queer writers #actually writing #blind trust #songbird elegies #aspec #asexual #asexuality #asexual positivity #asexual relationship #self published #indie author #magic system #urban fantasy

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avianyuh · 8 months

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masterlist

***this masterlist took forever because I had to scroll through SIX YEARS worth of work. this is the most updated masterlist on my page so use this one if you need navigation :) ***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who I write for:

-BTS💣

-NCT🟢 (mainly anyone that was apart of NCT 2018, but if you want WayV, I can do that!)

-Seventeen💎

-EXO❌⭕️

-Monsta X 🫡 (but I'm emotionally scarred from Wonho so idk...)

& sometimes SHINee

UPDATE 02/28/2024: girlies i have nothing to say about ATEEZ anymore, it's just not gonna happen so I took them out of the ML😥sorry. BUT, I will now be adding *some* second gen groups because the fics are LACKING. I already said in the past I would write for SHINee and I stand by that! I just don't have much to write for them atm. Does anyone want a BF!Minho? idk...Who wants SUJU? Well, it doesn't matter cuz I do😁 I will also add Jaejoong from TVXQ/JYJ, not the whole group for TVXQ cuz I'm really only familiar with him and Junsu. I will also start up again with EXO so keep a look out if you like those fics. Anyways, this was just a PSA I wanted to make.

🔍navigation help + notes🔎

-If a group is crossed out it means I no longer write for them

-Please don't be afraid to request something. idc if it's anon or not. if you want something written, just send in a request :) it will encourage me to get to whatever group someone requested faster. as long as they're mentioned above, I'll write for them (only because I like to be familiar with the members so I can write accurate depictions of them)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*upcoming works*

-NCT something with Johnny *um idk, if not by the end of march then probs early april*

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BTS:

BTS reactions:

requested; bts reaction to you having diabetes and not taking care of yourself

requested; namjoon taking care of his chronically ill girlfriend

requested;BTS getting jealous over crush giving more attention to Yeontan or Bam

requested; Giving BTS flower crowns

requested: BTS accusing reader of leaking sensitive info

BTS HEADCANONS

requested; BTS helping S/O with finals

requested;BTS misses crush on tour but is too shy to confess

request; BTS gets jealous and confesses to crush

request; BTS comforts S/O who starts flunking exams

request: BTS Suga, Taehyung, Jungkook and their pets

requested: BTS as your brother

BTS AS BOYFRIENDS:

Hoseok/JHope

Yoongi/Suga

Namjoon/RM

One Shots;

Dinner Date, Jeon Jungkook

Time Off; Jung Hoseok

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NCT:

*I know this isn't all of nct in the pic, I just like it and it's hard to find unofficial photos of ALL of them, plus Yuta looks hawttt*

*edit:::changed photo in Feb.2024, still can't find a good photo with all of the members, plus some people have left, BUT I will always include Lucas if I find a good one because he was done so dirty by the f-ing saesangs. ANYWAYS...

I will always choose a pic where Yuta looks hot, so you have been blessed by this pic, ur welcome*

NCT headcanons;

a soft day with nct part one (taeil through jungwoo)

a soft day with nct part two (lucas through jisung)

nct as boyfriends (taeil through jungwoo)

nct as boyfriens (lucas through jisung)

christmas with nct (taeil through ten)

requested; how nct would confess to their crush (taeil through jungwoo)

NCT reactions:

nct u reaction to meeting your parents

requested; nct reaction to someone touching you inappropriately (taeil through mark)

requested: NCT reaction to you asking to move in together

nct reaction to you thinking you're fat: -yuta -jaehyun -mark

-taeyong -johnny

requested;NCT 127 commenting on GFs IG post

Individual member posts;

dating jaehyun

requested; dating mark

requested; dating haechan

requested; dating johnny

dating lucas

dating taeyong

dating yuta

requested; soft dom! winwin

NCT MLTs;

requested; NCT 127 MLT break up with current GF for their crush

One Shots;

making time;mark lee

tattoos; Yuta Nakamoto

'I'll Call You; Jaehyun' [part one] [part two] [part three] [part four]

requested; Taeyong fic

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SEVENTEEN:

SEVENTEEN AS BOYFRIENDS:

-The8/Minghao

-Hoshi/Soonyoung

-Jeonghan

-S.Coups/Seungcheol

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EXO:

EXO headcanons;

Oh Sehun as a boyfriend

Baekhyun as a boyfriend

a soft day with EXO (hyung line)

a soft day with EXO (maknae line)

One Shots;

insecure; Kai

baekhyun request

requested;baekhyun missing his ex

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MONSTA X:

MONSTA X AS BOYFRIENDS:

-Changkyun/I.M

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*PAST WORKS/GROUPS I DON'T WRITE FOR ANYMORE*

DAY6:

Day6 headcanons;

day6 as boyfriends

One Shots;

'I Love You'-Jae Version

'I Love You'- Young K

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GOT7

GOT7 as boyfriends

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TWICE:

TWICE one shots

Requested: A Trip With Jeongyeon

BLACKPINK:

BlackPink headcanons;

Jennie As Your Best Friend

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*NON KPOP RELATED/MY OWN ORIGINAL CHARACTERS;

Root Beer Float

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imaginarylungfish · 4 days

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i'm coming to terms with the fact that, as a child, I was not given a safe environment to be myself. so i learned how to be someone else in order to be loved. i learned how to repress. this showed up as repressing my physical needs because i was so used to repressing my emotional ones. to this day, i have a hard time figuring out when i'm hungry or what i emotions i'm experiencing (which is partly biological, but i can't imagine it all is). i also tend to ignore some pretty big red flags in relationships.

it's really easy to fall in the trap of blaming my parents, grandparents, and uncles for not providing me with the emotional support and guidance i needed as a child. or to hate everything that their religion (catholicism) touches. but i've done that, and while the anger was necessary to let out, it doesn't get me very far.

yes, i do recognize how my family's emotional immaturity, conservatism, and catholicism harmed me, but i now want (and need) to move past that. i can't be mad forever. at least i don't want to be. my parents and guardians did what they thought was right. they were wrong and heartless in some ways, but genuinely kind, accepting, and caring in others. i do think they think they love me, but most of them probably just love the idea of me. regardless if that's true or not, i've learned how to accept the love my family gives, realize it's not enough, and step away.

[a caveat: my mom loves me a whole lot, unconditionally she says. she has helped me through some really tough times while becoming chronically ill in my early twenties. for that, i will see her love for me. however, i have not come out as genderfluid to her for a reason. she's still inside my family's catholic conservative echo chamber. and i don't think i'll ever be able to fully feel her unconditional love for me unless she escapes.]

i used to be so enmeshed and codependent, thinking i needed to provide my family with the daughter, granddaughter, or niece they wanted. but i am not that person.

now, i can see my family as they are: a lost bunch who are so stuck in their ways that they're strangling themselves. growing into adulthood, i've associated love with obligation. i don't want to feel that way anymore. i want love to feel freeing, expansive, light.

i've made the mistake of not wanting to be like my family so much i disregarded the good and helpful traits i was brought up with. but i don't blame myself for that. i needed a time of full rebellion and rejection of them to get to the place i am today.

it's crazy to see queerness be as accepted by people as it is today, even if there is still a long way to go. i can't help but feel such grief when i see parents celebrating their children for being who they are. i wanted that. i didn't get it.

but i'm proud of myself for sticking it out with myself. for being brave. for finding friends and community who affirm and celebrate me. and while i still slip back into repression or self-hate, i know that isn't all that i can feel anymore. i, too, can spread happiness, acceptance, and strength to others. i can experience queer joy.

each year, i become more myself. i wish i could have been me sooner, but i'm glad i'm even able to meet myself in this lifetime at all//

thank you for reading.

and remember, you are beautiful just the way you are 🌈

#pride #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer pride #gay pride #gay #lesbian #trans #enby #genderfluid #queer identity #spilled ink #writeblr #thoughts

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