#finally started reading the book and of course I’ve been listening to a lot of the musical
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POV: You’re Odysseus after telling a certain cyclops your name
#The odyssey and Epic the musical brainrot rn#finally started reading the book and of course I’ve been listening to a lot of the musical#I like angry Athena#I want to try and make my Athena design more unique but like everyone does this design and it’s very fitting#epic the musical#the odyssey#Athena#odysseus#polyphemus#art#my art#digital art
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Not sure if you've answered something like this before, but how do I write "prettier" sentences? I know one thing that will help would be expanding my vocabulary, but a thesaurus only seems to get me so far. I feel like when I write, especially when I'm describing things, my sentences are so basic. Idk if this makes sense, if it doesn't I can try and find examples from other writers to help describe what I'm talking about!
How to Write "Prettier" Sentences
Pretty prose is something many writers aspire to, however, it's not as easy to achieve as looking up words in a thesaurus. It's something you have to train yourself to do through both learning and practice.
Learn By Reading/Listening
First and foremost, making sure you're reading/listening to a variety of books and stories is essential if you want to learn how to craft prettier prose. Reading and listening to stories helps train your brain to: recognize the cadence of pretty prose, understand the structuring of pretty prose, understand how to craft meaningful imagery, and fills your head with vocabulary.
Expanding Your Vocabulary
Vocabulary is also an important component of crafting pretty prose. Following web sites, pages, and apps that have a "word of the day" (like the Merriam-Webster website) is a great way to learn new words. You can also purchase a word-of-the-day desk calendar for 2024. Some writers like to flip open the thesaurus every day on a random page and read a few random words. You can also read creative articles in newspapers, magazines, websites, etc. to learn new words. You can also look up the specific vocabulary for something you're describing, like if you're describing a house, you can look up the architectural style and general architectural terms to learn how to describe specific things like the style of home, the trim, the windows, etc. Finally, in addition to the thesaurus as a source of new words, you can add other word references to your collection, such as The Describer's Dictionary, the Random House Word Menu, The Writer's Lexicon, etc.
Learning Poetic Cadence and Imagery
Listening to music/reading song lyrics, and reading/listening to poetry are great ways to teach your brain how to craft descriptive imagery. Poetry has to say a lot with few words, so it helps you understand the power of using just the right words in just the right way.
Effective Description is Important
Effective description is of course another piece of the puzzle. Not all writing is description, but a lot of pretty prose is descriptive. So, when you're describing things in your story, make sure to consider the senses--what can be seen, heard, tasted, smelled, felt/touched? You don't want to incorporate all of that into the description of one thing, obviously, but if your character is walking into a forest, considering all of those things can help you come up with a vivid, beautiful description. Sometimes, looking for photos or videos of the thing you want to describe can be helpful, too.
Practice Makes Perfect
And last but not least: practice. Once you've started to train your brain using the methods above, when you go through a draft to revise it and come to a sentence that needs sprucing up, try out different things that you've learned. Don't go overboard with the thesaurus, but perhaps your sentence describes twinkling stars... is there another word you could use instead of twinkling that's more surprising and vivid? The thesaurus suggests: glimmering, shimmering, sparkling, blinking... cross-checking each of these in the dictionary shows they're all appropriate choices for describing the twinkle of a star. You can also read the sentence out loud to listen to the cadence... are there longer or shorter (yet appropriate) words you can use instead to make the sentence more lyrical? Improving your sentences in editing helps you learn to craft pretty sentences as you're writing them the first time.
I hope that helps!
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i’ve been very quiet so srry - my week started with my annual performance review (which went well) and ended with an emergency surgery (also went well) so…a lot going on to say the least
this is a deleted scene from the first chapter of plant a seed
When Robin called, Steve and Eddie were in the phase of newborn parenthood where they froze every single time the phone rang (because said newborn was napping more often than not and when she was, there was a 50% chance minimum the phone would wake her up).
So when Robin called and the ringing of the phone broke the otherwise peaceful silence, Steve froze and he waited. When the baby didn't wake up, Steve exhaled a sigh of relief and answered the call.
"This is Steve."
"Hey Steve-o!"
Steve immediately recognized the voice as Robin's – of course he did, even if he hadn't heard it since she and Nancy left for a work trip in Japan a little over a month ago.
“Oh shit,” Steve said, because this means that Robin and Nancy are finally home, finally back in their Boston apartment fifteen minutes away from his and Eddie's in Cambridge instead of the opposite side of the entire world, “You’re home!”
“Yep,” Robin replied, popping the P, “That plane was a million degrees, I’m pretty sure. No more August flights if I have any say in it. Anyways – wanted to let you know we made it back unscathed. What’s new with you guys?”
“Uh…” Steve began, not totally sure where to start, because Robin didn't know about the baby he and Eddie had been placed with two weeks ago and she certainly didn't know that they're going to adopt her (because they'd landed on that decision that very day – about two hours ago, to be specific), “Well–”
“Hey, do you still have those placements?" Robin interrupted, "The kids who like to read the Goosebumps books?”
“Oh,” Steve blinked, “No. They went back with their mom a couple days after you left.”
“Damn. Been a while. Forgot this trip was longer than usual – wait, so are you between placements now, then? Hey, we should finally make that trip to P-Town!”
"Might need a raincheck on that," Steve said with a laugh, because at the moment a trip to the goddamn grocery store required at least a day's worth of planning, "We've got another placement right now – a newborn. We've had her for, uh, for just under two weeks, pretty sure."
“Shit, a newborn?" Robin repeated.
Steve faintly heard Nancy's voice, though he couldn't make out exactly what she was saying. He listened as Robin recounted to her what he'd just said, then started to laugh.
"Nancy just said that if she misses out on a chance to hold a new baby, she'll kill you," Robin told him, "Any idea when she might move on?”
Steve paused for a second. He and Eddie had decided earlier that they wouldn’t be telling anyone about the baby until the adoption was finalized, but…it’s Robin.
He doesn’t think he’s ever kept a secret from Robin before, certainly not something this big and certainly not for very long.
He has to tell her.
“We’re, uh, we’re actually adopting her.”
Robin was silent.
Then –
“Holy shit – Steve.”
And then –
“I’m coming over right now. Immediately. Wait–” Robin stopped, “Damn, I can’t be a dick and come over unannounced anymore, can I? Because you guys have a baby. A baby. And she’s gonna be yours? What the fuck? Wait, let me start over.”
Robin paused long enough to take a deep breath.
“Steve Harrington – my best friend who’s finally fulfilling a lifelong dream of becoming a dad – when will you allow us to come and be formally introduced to our niece?”
Truth be told, Steve wouldn’t say no to a visit from Robin and Nancy that day (especially after the our niece comment), but their case worker had just started faxing over all the paperwork to get the ball rolling on the adoption process and Steve has a feeling that he might catch Eddie trying to fill that shit out as it came out of the machine so tonight they might be a little occupied.
"Tomorrow?" he suggested.
"Morning?" Robin added.
Steve laughed, "Sure. Tomorrow morning."
"Bright and early, dad. Holy fuck, I can't believe you're a dad."
"You can't?"
"No, I totally can."
#remember faxing?#i don't but it was def a thing in 2001#liv’s steddie dads verse#stobin#steddie#steve harrington#robin buckley#ronance#-> hesitant to tag bc ik folks get annoyed when steddie content clogs up the ronance tag but this is mostly stobin - will delete if asked
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THE TUTOR
pairing: virgin!eddie munson x virgin!reader. being the straight a+ student you are, you're asked to tutor the most difficult student at hawkins - Eddie Munson. word count: 3.6k. warnings: (18+) p in v, oral, fingering, body parts described, light cussing, probs misspellings.
“Y/n, come talk to me please,” Your teacher Mrs. Bennett asks, as you stand up from your desk. The bell had just rung, signaling that it was time to head to your next class. English was the class that just concluded, your favorite course for the semester. English came to you with ease, and you enjoyed to book you were reading so far.
You walk up to Mrs. Bennett’s desk. “You wanted to speak to me?”
Mrs. Bennett nods, taking her glasses off. “I’ve received another request for an English tutor to help… an older student.” You had been a peer tutor since your first year of high school, now entering your fourth year.
You cock your head to the side, “An older student?”
Mrs. Bennett nods, “Yes; Eddie Munson.”
Your mouth slacks open, “You want me to tutor Eddie Munson? Hasn’t that been proven to be impossible?” You had heard from the small group of peer tutors that Eddie Munson had been proved to be a challenge, either showing up to tutor sessions smelling of weed or not showing up at all.
Mrs. Bennett frowns, shaking her head. “Let’s be forgiving, y/n. Plus, all the students like you; your success rate is the highest of all the tutors. I thought you would be up for the…challenge.”
You re-adjust your attitude, “Of course, Mrs. Bennett.”
“Good,” Your teacher says, now smiling. “You should meet with him starting today, every day for the next couple of weeks. He really wants to graduate finally and a lot of his English grade rests on the final quiz.”
You nod, listening closely.
“-And here are the books his class is reading,” Mrs. Bennett says pushing a small stack of books towards you, “With tests quizzes to help further progress along.”
“Great, I’ll start today,” You say, “Thank you, Mrs. Bennett.”
Mrs. Bennett leans forward, “Goodluck, y/n.”
You back up from the desk, heading towards the door. On top of everything else you had going on; you didn’t need to be tutoring the Eddie Munson.
You enter the hallway, dodging students that are rushing to their next class. You make your way to your next class, which was just down the hallway, thinking about your plan to help Eddie pass his last English class. Eddie was 20, failing to graduate two or three times, and he barely has the patience to pay attention.
You make it to your next class, taking a deep breath in hopes to make it through the rest of the day. Which you did, your last two classes flying by quickly. Once your last class concludes, you made your way to the library in attempt to find out Eddie’s schedule and where to find him.
When you push the door to the library open, you see Eddie standing at the desk. You hear the desk attendant say, “That’s her there,” and point to you.
Eddie turns around, scanning you up and down. “Are you the poor soul who is going to attempt to help me pass my English class?”
You nod, “That would, sadly, be me.”
Eddie tucks his hands into his pockets, “The enthusiasm is overwhelming.”
You shift the books that Eddie’s class in reading in your arms and you place them on the table that is nearby. “So, shall we start?”
Eddie shrugs, coming over to the table and sorting through the pile of books you put down. You watch his nimble fingers, covered in big, metal rings, flip through the pages of the books, his shirt pulling up at the sleeves to reveal the tattoos of a cluster of black bats on his forearm.
You had always heard rumors about Eddie Munson and his club, that were mostly started by the basketball team, and you always found him mysterious. You never believed that he was a freak like they called him, or that he was a devil worshiper. You knew that he lived in a rough neighborhood, the trailer park off of the highway, and that his uncle was his guardian. You always thought that those facts could impact the way a person acted.
You are brought out of your thoughts when you notice Eddie waving his hand in front of your face. “Helloo, y/n?”
“Sorry,” you say, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Let’s start.”
Eddie eyes you suspiciously, but sits down in a chair, kicking his feet up on the table. You roll your eyes, sitting down as well. You flip through the book that Eddie’s class was reading, remembering when you read the book a year prior.
You begin your tutoring session, making connections between the reading and the discussion questions that were in the papers that Mrs. Bennett has given you. You feel Eddie’s eyes on you as he listens to you. You look over at him after a few minutes, “Are you even listening?”
Eddie kicks his feet of the table, leaning forward onto the table, his face only a few inches from yours. “I’m listening.”
You clench your jaw, backing up a few inches. You shake your head, starting to get frustrated, “Look, I’m not the one about to miss graduation for the third time. I’d suggest paying a little more attention.”
Eddie smiles, amused by your attitude. “It’s a little hard when a girl as pretty as you is talking.”
You roll your eyes, having heard about Eddie’s playful, flirty side. You had also heard that he was equally shy. “Eddie, seriously.”
Eddie laughs, “I am being serious.”
You ignore him, continuing on with summarizing the book, writing down short notes for Eddie to refer to and study. You continue on like this for the next hour, the hallway quieting down as everyone has gone home. You decided it was best to end the tutoring session, Eddie’s attention starting to fade away.
“See you tomorrow?” Eddie says, collecting the notes you had made for him. You nod, heading towards the library entrance. “Same time, same place.”
You pushed the door open, and head out of the library. The hallway was significantly cooler then the library and you felt your cheeks blush when you thought about Eddie’s compliment. You shook it off making your way home.
When you get home, your mom is waiting for you, bouncing your younger sibling on her hip. “Where have you been?”
“I had a tutoring session; sorry I’m home late.”
Your mother passed your baby sister to you as she stirred the pot that was boiling on the stove. “I just found out I have a meeting tomorrow at the same time you normally tutor so I need you to cancel so you can watch your sister.”
You roll your eyes, strapping your sister into her highchair. “I can’t just cancel, mom.”
Your mother sighs, looking over her shoulder at you. “I know you’ll figure just something out. Just be home right after school, okay?”
You nod, leaving the kitchen to head up to your room.
The next day of school went by quick, your mind occupied with solving your study location issue. After your fourth-class finishes, you step out into the hallway, joining the crowd of students. A few feet away, you see Eddie standing with his friends, seemingly his club members by their matching shirts, and you make your way towards them.
Dustin, one of the boys standing around Eddie, nudges Eddie to alert him of your presence. Eddie turns around to greet you. “Y/n,”
“Eddie,” you say, taking a peek at the couple of boys that stood behind him. They all stare at you with curiosity. “I need to switch where we’re meeting later. Can you come to my house instead of the library? I have to watch my sister for my mom.” Dustin’s mouth slacks slightly at the sound of you, a girl, inviting Eddie to your house.
Eddie nods, his eyes scanning your face. “Yeah, that works. What your address?”
You rattle off your address, starting to back away. “Come around 4,” you say, hoping your mom would be gone by then. You weren’t sure what she’d think about inviting a boy over when she wasn’t there, even if it was just for a tutor session.
The rest of the day blew by and before you knew it, you were standing in front of your mirror that stood on a stand next to your dresser. You toss your hair, leaning in close to inspect the lip gloss you just applied. You shake your head at yourself, catching yourself primping for Eddie. Downstair, you hear someone knock at the door. You glanced at your clock, seeing that it was half past four.
You jog down your stairs, hoping the knock didn’t wake up your infant sister who you had just put down for a nap. You open the door and Eddie is leaning in the doorway.
“Hey,” he says, stepping around you to enter your house. “Nice place.”
“Thanks, now be quiet, I just put my sister down for a nap.”
“Sorry,” He whispers, readjusting his backpack on his shoulder.
“Follow me,” you say, guiding Eddie up the stairs. You lead him into your room, shutting the door behind you quietly.
“So, this is the princesses’ room,” Eddie says, taking a look around your room. He seats himself on your bed, picking up your stuffed bear that rested near your pillow. Eddie smiles, making the bear waves it’s hand at you. You roll your eyes, sitting next to him on your bed. “Hand me your books,” you say, putting your hand out.
Eddie unzips his bag, pulling the books out. He hands them to you, your fingers brushing his. You pause as Eddie glances at you. Your faces are only a few inches apart, close enough to notice that his clothes smelled like cigarettes mixed with laundry detergent. Your breath hitches, and you cough to break the silence. Eddie blinks out of his trance, pulling out the notes you had made for him the day prior. “These were really helpful when I looked them over last night, thanks.”
You nod, “Good; of course.”
Again, another instance of silence occurred, and you glance at Eddie to see he’s looking at your freshly glossed lips. “Eddie, are you ready?” Eddie jumps slightly, turning his head to his laps where his notebook lays. “Yup, ready.”
You blush, wondering what Eddie was thinking while he looked at your lips. You begin to start your tutoring session for the next hour, Eddie actively paying attention. You felt like you and Eddie were making good strides and you felt confident enough to interrupt and initiate a snack break.
“Do you want water, soda?” You ask Eddie, standing up from your bed.
Eddie shrugs, “Whatever you have, I’ll have too.”
You nod, moving to leave your room. You take a trip downstairs, grabbing two soda cans from the fridge. You run back up the stairs, taking the stairs by two, and enter your room again. Eddie stands at your dresser, picking up the small picture frames of you and your friends at the beach. He notices you walk in and moves back to your bed. You walk over to where he sits, on the foot of your bed, and hand him a soda can. Again, your fingers brush Eddie’s.
You lift the tab, opening the drinking hole, and Eddie does the same. You take a sip, realizing how thirsty you are. Eddie leans back against your bed foot-frame, glancing at you. You lean back on your hands, creating extra distance between you and Eddie.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Eddie asks, boldly
You swallow your sip of soda hard, making eye contact with Eddie. “No; why do you ask?”
“Because you don’t have any photos of guys, it’s just you and your friends,” Eddie says simply.
You glance at your dresser full of picture frames, and then back to Eddie. “Yeah, no boyfriend.”
Eddie continues to stare at you, and you squirm under his attention.
You break the silence, “Do you have a girlfriend?” You feel foolish asking, but why couldn’t you ask too?
Eddie scoffs, turning his attention away from you. “Like anyone would date a freak.”
You frown, “That can’t be true. You’re a good-looking guy.” You blush when you realize what you’ve said. Eddie glances at you once again, a curious look on his face.
“You think so?” Eddie says, leaning forward, closing the gap between you and him. His face is only a few inches from yours, sending the scent of his cigarettes and laundry detergent back to you. He placed his can of soda on the ground, right on your white shag rug.
You nod, letting him invade your personal space. Suddenly, you feel the intense urge to let him truly invade your personal space, your attraction to him causing you to lean close to him. In an instant, your face was only an inch from his. You had very little experience with guys, and you assumed Eddie had no experience with girls, yet you felt confidence of an experienced women. You didn’t know where these feelings came from, but you wanted to explore them more.
You push your lips into Eddie’s, and in an instant he responds to your gesture. Your lips move roughly with his, Eddie’s tongue slipping into your mouth. You sigh at the feeling, your stomach forming a knot in anticipation. Eddie pushes you back, your back laying on your bed.
Eddie kicks his shoes off, climbing on top of you. You arrange your body in a way that allows him to nestle himself on top of you. Eddie cups your face with his ring covered hand, deepening the kiss. You feel his nerves showcasing themselves in his movements, each touch un-confident and inexperienced.
Eddie moves his hands down further from your face, never breaking contact with your lips, as he cups your breast over your shirt. Your body reacts intensely to his touch, your body craving him. You break the kiss with Eddie to lean up and lift your shirt up and off. Eddie’s eyes widen at the sight of your bra-covered chest, and you lay back on your bed, letting your fingers play with the bottom of Eddie’s t-shirt.
Eddie gets the hint and lifts his shirt off. You reach out, cupping his face and guiding him into yours. You feel Eddie harden in his jeans as your almost bare chest presses against his. Your core aches for Eddie’s touch, every touch becoming more desperate.
Eddie feels hunger for you too, his mind in autopilot. His fingers toy with the band of your jeans, his nimble fingers moving to unzip your pants. You help him by wiggling out of your pants, leaving yourself in just your bra and underwear. You thank yourself for picking out your decent underwear, so you didn’t embarrass yourself.
You spread your legs open wider, Eddie settling himself between your thighs. Eddie moves a hand to let his hand grope you between your thighs. You moan softly, sending Eddie into a tizzy. Eddie pulls his big, chunky rings off, letting them drop to the floor. He pulls your panties to the side, letting his fingers plunge into you.
You gasp, your hands clutching your sheets. Eddie breaks the kiss, your mouth agape as you breathe heavily. He peppers your neck in kisses, letting them trail to your chest and between your breasts. Eddie’s fingers move out of you in a rhythm, pressure beginning to build in your abdomen. Your hips jut up, expressing how you were experiencing pleasure from Eddie’s touch.
You feel the urge to taunt Eddie, drawing him in to pull his pants off and pleasure you. You lean up again, un-clipping your bra. Your breasts fall out and Eddie is quick to move his kisses on your nipple. Eddie, takes your nipple into his mouth, rolling his tongue across your bud. You place your hand into Eddie’s long, curly hair, pulling him further onto your chest. Eddie feels your desperation radiating off your skin, laced in every movement you make. He pulls away from you, standing up next to the bed to unzip his pants, leaving him in his boxers.
You bite your lip at the sight of Eddie’s tent in his black boxers, and you forget that you’re essentially naked in front of a boy for the first time. Eddie climbs back onto the bed, kneeling below you. You part your legs to allow for more space on the bed. He kneels, moving your legs so they rest on his shoulders. He hooks his fingers into your panties, pulling them down your legs slowly while he makes eye-contact with you. He flicks your panties to the ground, leaving you completely naked.
Eddie gazes at you for a moment, taking in the beautiful sight of your naked body. He moves to hover over your body, aligning himself with you again. His face dips down, his lips meeting yours once again, and you take the opportunity to hook your fingers into his boxers, pushing them down his thighs. He helps you, kicking them off, letting them fall to the floor. Eddie trails kisses from your lips to your neck and you take the initiative to look at Eddie’s cock. Your stomach clenches at the sight of it, its large size intimidating you.
Eddie, nuzzles his face into your neck, leaning on his arm. “Can I?”
You nod, spreading your legs open to let him in. Eddie lines himself up with you and you take a deep breath. With one swift push, Eddie enters you, his size demanding your sex to adjust to fit his size. You grab on to his bicep, squeezing it roughly as you react to the slight feeling of pain.
Eddie starts out with slow thrusts, and you wrap your legs around his waist, pushing him further into you. You moan softly, your eyes fluttering shut. Eddie sighs too, the feeling of you clenched around him sending shivers up his arms and down his torse.
“Fuck, Eddie.” You say, your back arching. Your nipples graze his chest, and Eddie takes notice. His pace quickens, his movements a little rougher.
Your fingertips graze his sides, his warm skin feeling hot against your cold, exposed skin. Eddie initiates another kiss with you, and you lean into it. Eddie’s strokes continue, sending pleasure up your body. Your head was spinning with thoughts but all you could think about is how your body fit perfectly with Eddie’s.
“You feel so good, y/n,” Eddie mutters against your lips.
Your skin flushes at Eddie’s comment, your thighs clenching around his waist. Eddie’s movements weren’t enough for you, your body craving more. You maneuver your foot between his and use it as leverage to move yourself on top of Eddie. Now, Eddie lays on his back, his face expressing shock from the whirlwind you sent him in. You sink down on the length of his cock and his eyes squeeze shut in pleasure.
You begin to rock back and forth, like you had seen in the movies, and knew you were doing it right by the way Eddie reacted to your movements. You grasp Eddie’s hands, moving them to your waist. Eddie’s grasp tightens around your hip bones, helping you set the tempo.
Eddie moans loudly, one of his hands moving to your backside. Eddie sits up, colliding his lips with yours. “I’m close,” Eddie says, between kisses.
You sigh, wishing the moment could go on forever. You lean back, creating inches of distance between you and Eddie. You let your fingertips graze his cheek, taking in his features. He was truly a beautiful person.
You push him back, moving from your position on his cock. Eddie frowns, missing the feeling of you clenched around him. You back up, taking his length into your hand. Eddie shivers under your touch, watching you take his member into your mouth. His fingers intertwine in your hair, pushing you down further. You bob your head, discovering your love the action of giving head.
Quicker than you wished, Eddie comes in the back of your throat, his hip jutting up to push his entire self down your throat. Now, you missed the feeling of him moving in and out of you, your mind full of filthy things you wanted to try.
You stand up, feeling awkward and exposed all of a sudden. You pick your panties off the ground, stepping into them, and put your t-shirt on over your head, leaving your bra on the floor. You toss Eddie’s underwear to him, and he catches them, his eyes lingering on you.
“So..” Eddie says, sitting up and swinging his legs to the side of your bed.
You look up at him, a small smile on your lips, and you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. You don’t know what to say, not knowing how the moment got so out of hand. You were studying, drinking soda, and then before you knew it you were naked, Eddie deep inside of you.
“We should probably continue studying tomorrow.” You say, leaning against your dresser.
Eddie frowns, cocking his head at you. Your mind is in a flutter, your eyes gazing at Eddie’s barely clothed body. “You’re really going to graze over what just happened?”
Your eyes shift, going from Eddie’s eyes to the floor. “I don’t really know what happened, honestly.”
Eddie laughs, once again amused by you. “I think we should do it again; after I take you out on a date of course.”
Your eyes snap to his, your eyebrows raised. “A date?”
Eddie shrugs, picking his rings off the floor. “Would you be interested?”
You didn’t even have to think about it. You were intrigued by Eddie, his mysterious and complex persona pulling you in. You also didn’t mind that he had just performed perfectly in bed.
“I’d love to.”
#eddie munson#stranger things#stranger things fic#stranger things x you#stranger things x reader#stranger things fanfiction#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson stranger things#eddie stranger things#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 / 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞 (𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝)
**disclaimer**
I am not against self improvement. Wanting to be the best version of yourself is your birthright. There are a lot of helpful books, ‘gurus’, articles, practices, etc; that are beneficial & have valuable information to share.
That being said, lets move forward.
Many start their ‘self improvement journey’ when they are at their lowest because that’s when you are most aware that something is ‘wrong’ - making you more vulnerable / susceptible to deception & addiction.
It usually starts by reading a book, watching a yt video, etc;. You watch / read one and then continue to consume more, because ‘maybe the next one will finally get me to where i need to be’ - not understanding that this is just another form of entertainment and procrastination.
There is satisfaction after immediately reading a self help book. You have a quick rush of ‘I’ve accomplished something’ (dopamine) - giving you the illusion of progress until you get stuck inside a cycle and realize, nothing has changed.
Sitting behind a screen is not the self improvement you think it is. Is there good knowledge shared? Yes, of course, but the real self improvement starts by actually DOING. Living life will give you more answers than binging content.
Action Faking - ‘the practice of confusing being 'busy' with making actual progress towards an intended goal and often involves a lot of over-analysing and planning, but very little meaningful action.’
Listening to someone talk about their own lives & share their own improvement stories is not going to help YOU. Gurus try to fit everyone into a mold when self improvement is not a ‘one size fits all’ & when something doesn’t work for someone after its worked for others, they usually see themselves as a ‘failure’ so they move onto the next thing that doesn’t fit them & this becomes a pattern, soon they start to build levels of guilt and shame.
Before consuming anything, you should know the specific problem you want to solve, if not, you are coming into something without a strong foundation, soon, you will start to believe there are 500 other things wrong. Don’t get sucked into a black hole.
Also, understand that many other these therapists, psychologists, content creators, etc; all thrive off of people who are at their lowest. It’s important to know when someone really wants to help vs when someone keeps wanting you to come back. The industry is worth billions.
Many have been accustomed to pacifying the silence. Always picking up the phone, turning the tv on, listening to music when there is downtime, instead of tapping into our bodies - their thoughts and feeling have now become distorted & influenced by ‘the noise’.
Fake positivity instead of facing reality is an issue within itself. These ‘positive’ messages / posts about encouragement and ‘never giving up’ convinces you that it’s ‘wrong’ to changes paths / passions in life & you then see yourself as a failure instead of a soul, growing.
With all of that being said, remove yourself from artificial motivation & start doing. I have nothing against self improvement, but I do have an issue with the addictive side of it that seems to only profit a select few.
xoxo,
valora
#affirm#affirmations#void state#law of abundance#law of assumption#positive affirmations#self concept#desired reality#self concept affirmations#law of detachment#self help#self improvement#loa affirmations#affirm and persist#affirmyourreality#affirmdaily#affirmyourlife#loassumption#loa success#law of manifestation#law of attraction#law of affirmation#affirmyourself#10k affirmations#self development#higher self#self love#personal development#master manifestor#manifest
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we always find a way (to make it out alive) | m.s.s.
Summary: beacon hills holds a lot of bad memories for you. you're still not sure how you let yourself be persuaded to go back.
pairing: Stiles Stilinski x werewolf!reader
warning: reader's parents die, mention of guns
word count: 8,8k (don't even ask, I don't know how it happened)
author's note: hello. i don't want to talk about this, i somehow vomited 8k worth of words about stiles. leave a like/reblog bestie. also, don't forget to come into my inbox to yell at me. thank you to charlotte @stilinskiderek for witnessing my teen wolf obsession rebirth and for listening to my occasional rant.
“We’re going to need to leave in five minutes if you don’t want to be late.”
Theo was standing in the threshold of your room, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed. You merely glanced over at him, not even moving an inch. Your feet were resting comfortably on top of your desk as the book you were reading was in your lap.
“I was waiting for you. Wasn’t me who was standing in front of the mirror fixing my hair for like the tenth time. I’ve never seen you this nervous,” you commented dryly, swinging your legs off the desk and standing up.
“I’m not nervous,” Theo said defensively, ducking his head when you reached out to mess up his hair. “I’m just… Tense. It’s weird to be back here.”
“Oh, please. Don’t lie to me. I know you’re nervous and I know why, even though I don’t understand it. It’s just Scott and Stiles.”
“Really.”
You ignored Theo’s pointed look in your direction and turned to put your book in your backpack instead. While Theo was ecstatic to be back in your old stomping grounds, it took him and your brother a while to persuade you to return with them. Your life in Salvador was exactly what you had been building up to, why would you leave it to go back to Beacon Hills? The only thing that you remembered from here was the death of your parents and getting your heart broken in fourth grade. It was safe to say that you weren’t eager to return.
“Aren’t you super nervous to finally see the love of your life again?” Theo teased in a high pitched voice, as predictable as he was, and you only shouldered past him roughly, walking out into the hallway with your backpack in hand. Theo was quick to follow, pestering you for an answer.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” you said lightly.
“Oh come on!”
Theo snickered and you knew this was far from being over. You contemplated shoving him down the stairs but it would only be a temporary fix, he’d barely feel it, so you didn’t want to waste your energy on that.
“Brunet guy, moles all over, kind of heavy on the ADHD…”
You only threw a look at Theo over your shoulder, narrowing your eyes at him, daring him to say another word. You had a crush on a guy one time and of course Theo would hold it over your head for the rest of the time. Theo kept nagging you until you reached the front door, where Justin was checking his bag.
“You guys ready? I could give you a lift to school on my way to work,” Justin said, fixing the collar of his jacket.
“When’s my car getting here?” You asked with pursed lips. “I feel like I’m 12 getting dropped off at school by you again.”
“I mean, you could’ve driven yourself if you hadn’t insisted on bringing your own car back to Beacon Hills.”
“Well, it’s called loyalty, Theodore, maybe you could learn a thing or two from me.”
Your voice was biting as you said it, Theo only raised his hands in defense, a knowing smirk on his face and a grin grew on Justin’s face. You sighed internally, cursing yourself for your short temper. Let the teasing begin.
“Oh no, you mentioned the Valentine’s Day of ‘07, didn’t you, T?”
It was the beginning of February when you had started to get the idea of getting Stiles a gift for Valentine’s. He had always been kind to you and always tried to include you when he hung out with Theo and Scott. It wasn’t hard to develop a crush on him, to be honest. He was cute and nice. You were ten, the bar wasn’t that high. You started with leaving Reese’s Pieces with small notes in the pockets of his coat or in his lunch box when he wasn’t looking. Your mother had helped you with most of the notes, since you wanted them to rhyme without sounding too cheesy. The last note, which you had placed on his desk before he arrived to first period, contained a small rhyme about how the color of his eyes reminded you of honey, and to meet you for a Valentine’s picknick at the park later that day. When Stiles stumbled up to his desk a couple of minutes later, he scanned his eyes over the note, unwrapping the honeycomb bar you had left along with the note, taking a huge bite out of it.
“Are you excited to finally meet your secret admirer?” Scott had asked and Stiles grinned toothily at him, almost losing the content of his mouth.
“Yeah! But I’m pretty sure I know who it is.”
Stiles glanced over to you with a huge grin, jerking his chin in your direction and you flushed slightly, waving timidly back at him. You ignored Theo when he slid into his chair next to you, though you could see out of the corner of your eyes that he was hiding a smirk.
“Shut up Theo,” you muttered under your breath, kicking him in the shins under the table. Theo only yelped, glaring at you.
“I didn’t even say anything!”
“You didn’t have to, I saw it on your face!”
Before Theo could retort, Ms. Davis came into the classroom, starting the first lesson of the day. You turned to the front, your eyes glancing over at Stiles multiple times, watching him as he semi-focused on the lesson, playing with your note in his hand. Around noon, you and Theo raced to the pick-up zone where your mother’s minivan was standing, tumbling into the backseats.
“Hey superstar, hey Theo,” your mother greeted you, leaning over to look back at you as you buckled up. “How was school?”
“Great! I gave Stiles the last note, he was so excited!”
“She blushed!”
“You did?” your mother laughed, winking at Theo. “Well, then I guess the plan’s in its end-phase.”
You discreetly elbowed Theo in the gut, then talking loudly to cover his grunt. “Yep, definitely is! Did you pick up the peanut butter cupcakes from the grocery store?”
“’course I did.”
After your mother dropped of Theo at home, the two of you went home to pack the basket for the picknick. During this time, your heart was almost hammering out of your ribcage and you felt so excited and at the same time you felt like you were about to throw up. When you had the basket all packed up, you made your way over the park with your mom. While you walked over the grass to spread the blanket on the ground, your mother sat down on a bench a couple of feet away. Close enough to be there in a second if something happened, but far enough for you to get the sense like you were there by yourself. It was only a couple of minutes past three pm when you had set everything up.
“Maybe Stiles is just a little late,” you mumbled to yourself, smoothing down your pants, looking around. The park was not as busy as it usually was, some couples walking around, a lone man with his dog, and a handful of kids on the playground. But no Stiles in sight.
After ten minutes, you were growing antsy, telling yourself that Stiles was on his way. After about forty-five minutes, your mother knelt down on the blanket next to you, placing a warm hand on your shoulder.
“You okay superstar?”
With a shrug, you plucked at the three-leaf clover you had picked up. “… He’s not coming, is he?”
“I don’t think so, honey. I’m sorry.”
You swallowed quickly, giving your mother a somewhat believable smile. “I’m fine. Let’s just go home.”
“Nah, come on, let’s grab some ice cream on the way home,” your mother said with an encouraging smile. “My treat.”
Together, you packed up all the things and made your way to the ice cream parlor that was just outside the park. Your mother was telling you a story about how her and your dad had spent their first Valentine’s Day, but she suddenly slowed down, glancing inside the parlor. You paused following her gaze, freezing when you looked through the window, your foot stuck mid-air.
Stiles was sitting inside with Lydia, talking animatedly, his ice cream almost falling out of its cone as Lydia only listened half-heartedly, drumming her nails on the table. Despite your assurance to your mum that you were fine, tears sprang into your eyes and you turned on your heel, running the sidewalk back home, your mother calling after you.
You rarely thought back to that day, if you were honest. Most people (read, Justin and Theo) thought it was because of Stiles, and in some ways, it was. You’ve never been humiliated like that before. But really, it was just too painful. That Valentine’s Days was one of the last times you had spent with your mother.
It was only a few days later when your whole world was turned upside down when you were brought out of class by your brother, who had bloodshot eyes, muttering about how your parents were gone. Merely in the wrong place at the wrong time, they were standing in the middle of the grocery store when a robber came in with a gun. Your mother caught a stray bullet to the chest and in a panic, the robber had shot your father as well when he had cried out in shock.
There was a high possibility that you associated Stiles with the death of your parents and in another universe, you might have gotten over that rejection and stayed friends with Stiles; you didn’t even know if he had seen you that day, but alas. You had isolated yourself from most kids in your class except for Theo, and only a few months later, Justin turned 21 and the two of you left Beacon Hills.
Only to return, 7 years later, for whatever reason.
With some disdain, you stared at Beacon Hills High when your brother stopped in front, with the engine still running. Theo was already getting out of the car in the backseat, but you remained frozen in your seat.
“You know you’re going to have to get out at some point, right?”
You puffed out a breath, glancing over at Justin, who looked at you with a mixture of amusement and worry.
“Do I have to?”
Justin paused. “You don’t have to, but you want to go to college, right? Your senior year of high school is kind of crucial for that.”
Right, that.
Pulling a face, you opened the door with a sigh, getting out of the car. Even after you closed the passenger door, Justin didn’t drive off, watching you.
“Don’t forget we have that meeting with the alpha later, don’t be late.”
“Yeah yeah, don’t worry about it,” you said off-handedly and Justin nodded slowly.
“Hey, you know you’re gonna rock it, right sup-”
“Don’t.”
You cut Justin off with a sharp snap and he leaned back in his seat, giving you a glum look.
“I’ll see you later.”
With that, Justin pulled away from the side-walk and you turned to walk inside the building, Theo was just waiting by the entrance. He was raising his eyebrows at you in question, but you only shook your head, walking to the principal’s office. After getting your transfer papers sorted and getting your class schedule, you and Theo walked to the lockers, stacks of books in hand.
“I have science now, but we’ll see each other in Calculus and for lunch,” Theo said as he looked at his class schedule. You on the other hand were trying to put your books into the locker somewhat organized.
“You know you can just throw them in, right?”
“I’m not a heathen, Theo.”
Theo only rolled his eyes good-naturedly, only wincing a bit when the bell rang.
“Alright, I gotta go. Try to make some friends, yeah?”
You only gave him a look, Theo saluted to you before he turned on his heels to walk to his classroom. With a sigh, you gave up on neatly stacking your books and tossed the rest of them in the locker, only grabbing the book for econ and headed to the second floor, where your first class was going to be. You weaved your way through the crowd, already being accustomed to block out loud, unnecessary noise to keep yourself sane. Overstimulation was no joke. Luckily, your classroom was the first to your right when you reached the second floor and you took the desk in the last row. As the rest of the class filed in, you flipped your book open, not paying any attention to the class until the teacher, Coach Finstock, apparently, took to the front. He was waiting for the class to settle down as the classroom door opened yet again. You turned back to your back, tuning out the conversation, the smell of peanut butter and honey suddenly filling your nostrils. Scrunching your nose, you leaned back in your seat when someone dropped in to the empty chair in front of you somewhat clumsily. He stretched his arms, rather obnoxiously, if you might add and it was obvious that the smell of peanut butter and honey that was wafting over to your nose came from him. Unable to sit still, he bounced his leg and you narrowed your eyes at his back, like his restlessness was contagious. He drummed his fingertips on the desk and he just kept fidgeting! Almost like-
“Stiles.”
“Huh?”
Stiles whirled around to look at you because apparently you had said his name out loud. He looked at you with furrowed eyes, before recognition dawned on his face. He opened his mouth, surely to say something along the lines of Oh my god, how long has it been? but Coach interrupted him, knocking on his desk.
“Stilinski, what’s the definition of supply and demand?”
With one last glance over his shoulder, Stiles turned back to the front to face Coach, who was uncomfortably close to his face. Have the teachers always been this weird?
“Supply and demand? Well…”
When the bell rang to signal the end of first period, you were one of the firsts out of the classroom, though you could hear Stiles grapple himself to his feet to follow you. Even through all the noise of a high school, you could hear Stiles’ voice clear as day, calling after you. You ignored, well, you tried to ignore him, but his voice was ringing in your ears like he was right next to you. This has never happened before. Wincing, you quickened your pace and turned the corner, hoping more distance between you would lessen the volume of his voice in your ears, when you ran straight into someone.
Fuck.
“Shit, sorry, I-” you looked up, trying to clear your head to form a fucking clear sentence when you looked into the concerned face of Scott McCall, because of course that was just your luck. Scott raised an eyebrow at you in question, his eyes flashing red for a split-second, making you flash your golden eyes back at him involuntarily.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re the alpha?”
Scott uttered your name, his voice small, and you knew you were being unfair. He never did anything to you, but if he was the alpha, it meant Stiles was definitely involved in his pack somehow.
“You’re one of the betas Derek was talking about?”
You waved a hand at him, annoyed. “Cora was part of my pack when she was in Salvador, or well… Before she came to Beacon Hills and then came back with her brother in tow.” And then you left with your brother and Theo to come to Beacon Hills. It was like a fucking exchange program.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude," you said, feeling guilty for snapping at Scott. "It's just... complicated."
Scott gave you a sympathetic nod and you wondered if he knew about what had happened with Stiles, but before you could say something stupid like ask if he knew why Stiles had gone to grab ice cream with Lydia instead of meeting you on that Valentine’s Day, Stiles appeared at his side, looking slightly out of breath. You avoided his gaze, though you kept your chin high.
"Hey," Stiles said, a small smile on his face. The way he said your name made butterflies flutter in your stomach.
Really? Still?
“It’s been a while.”
You forced a smile back, trying to keep your voice even. "Yeah, it has."
Scott and Stiles exchanged a glance, sensing the tension between you. "Well, we should probably get to class," Scott said, breaking the awkward silence. "See you around.”
“Wha-- hey, I wanted to catch up with her-” Stiles protested as Scott grabbed him by the arm to drag him along. You could hear Scott whisper distinctly under his breath before Stiles exclaimed a loud: “What?!”
You could only imagine that Scott had told him what he had just found out and with a deep sigh, you straightened your shoulders. Onwards and upwards, right? Before you headed to your next class, you stopped by your locker on the way to grab the books you needed, trying to get your head straight with the class material. Surprisingly, it wasn’t even that hard to keep up. You were worried that transferring in the middle of the school year would set you back a couple of weeks if not months, but somehow you were ahead of the class material, as your school in Salvador kept a much tighter and quicker schedule. By the time lunch period rolled around, you were far more relaxed than at the beginning of the school day, considering you had overcome your biggest fears.
Following the rest of the class, you let them guide you to the cafeteria. After grabbing a sandwich and some water at the counter, you followed Theo’s scent through the cafeteria, but you stopped in your tracks when you saw Theo sitting with - you guessed it - Scott and Stiles. There were a handful of people sitting at their table, you weren’t familiar with most of them, though the head of strawberry-blonde hair stuck out to you. Theo leaned over the side, lifting his hand for a wave and you only gave him a look, before turning on your heel, away from them. You could hear Theo’s chair scraping against the linoleum floor as he pushed it back.
“Hey, what’s her problem?” Stiles asked and Theo only sighed in exasperation.
“Come on buddy, seriously? Keep up.”
By the time Theo caught up with you, you were sitting outside at an unoccupied table, picking at your sandwich.
“Seriously? Next time slam the cafeteria doors when you exit, it’ll be even more dramatic,” Theo huffed as he dropped on the bench across from you. You barely acknowledged him as you opened your water bottle.
“Just trying to have my lunch in peace.”
Theo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Hey, I know you hate Stiles-”
“I don’t hate Stiles,” you interjected, heated. “I just don’t really want to spend all of my free time around him and Scott. What’s wrong with that?”
Finally, you lifted your head to look at him but Theo only narrowed his eyes at you.
“… You know Scott is the alpha right?”
You rolled your eyes.
“Yeah, I found out this morning. I bet you’re fucking ecstatic.”
“I mean, it helps that the alpha is someone we know and used to be friends with. It’ll be much easier to fit into his pack. But you really need to work on your people skills.”
“Me?” you bristled, but when Theo raised an eyebrow, you puffed out a defeated breath. “Fine. I’ll play nice. But I am not going to be part of their clique.”
“… That’s kind of exactly what you’re going to have to do.”
“Jesus, Theo you’re so annoying,” you moaned, standing up to leave the table. You threw your sandwich wrapper and the empty water bottle in the trash, reluctantly waiting for Theo as your next class was with him anyway. He shouldered his backpack, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.
“Cheer up. I think this is going to be great.”
You gave a grunt of dissent. Luckily, the rest of the school day went by mostly uneventful and by 4 pm, you were walking out of the school building towards Justin’s car that was standing by the curbside.
“Hey, how was your first day?” Justin asked as soon as you got in the car, Theo climbing in the back.
“Pretty sure she is contemplating whether she should become an omega,” Theo quipped, unhelpfully as usual and Justin only looked at you quizzically.
“Scott McCall is the alpha.”
“The floppy haired one? Who has asthma?”
“Had, I guess. And yeah, the very same.”
Justin nodded slowly and it was clear that he had more to say, but he chose not to. He gave you a side eye, knowing the implications but your glare shut him up.
“So, how was your first day at your new law firm?”
Thankful for the topic change, you settled back into your seat as Justin launched into the recap of his day as he drove the three of you home. When you finally got home, you didn’t waste a second to get out of the car.
“We’re gonna leave in an hour or so,” Justin called after you when you were already halfway into the house.
“Yeah yeah,” you said absentmindedly, not even raising your voice. You knew he could hear you. “Just get me when it’s time.” You shut your door behind, wanting some privacy before you had to go show your face again. With a deep sigh, you fell headfirst into your bed, hoping you’d smother yourself. However, you couldn’t even do that in peace, when your phone suddenly vibrated. Rolling on your back, you slipped your phone out of your pocket, to see a new text from an unknown number.
[unknown]: hey, scott decided to hold the meeting at his house, instead of the vet practice, since it’s you
You frowned at the screen when the phone vibrated again with the arrival of the another text.
[unknown]: its stiles btw :))
Irritated, you tossed the phone on the pillow. How did he even get your number? And why was he the one telling you about the change of location, instead of Scott? You really contemplated leaving Stiles on read, but you remembered what Theo had said to you earlier. So you picked up your phone and texted him back.
[me]: Okay, thanks for letting me know
Stiles’ answer was almost immediate.
[unknown]: no prob!!
Your finger was hovering in the air and the question as to how Stiles got your number in the first place grated you.
[me]: How did you get my number anyway?
The ellipsis showed up, meaning Stiles was typing, before they disappeared again. You frowned, staring at the text chain before Stiles finally replied.
[unknown]: got it from cora. hope thats okay.
You groaned bumping your fist against your forehead, because of course it was fucking Cora putting her nose in your business all the way from Salvador. You swiped out of the text chain, opening the one with Cora.
[me]: why tf did you just give stiles my number without warning me first??
[cora]: i thought it’d be funny and i was right
[cora]: give him a kiss from me
[me]: I hate you
[cora]: no u don’t
You glared at your phone and exited the text chain, your phone almost slipping out of your hand when it vibrated again.
[unknown]: i just asked her bc i thought it’d be the most convenient way of contacting you. i wasnt stalking, i promise
[me]: Sure you weren’t.
[unknown]: i couldve asked one of my dads deputies to find out your address and shown up on your door instead
[me]: That’s abuse of power and I’m pretty sure your dad wouldn’t approve.
[me]: But I guess this is better
[unknown]: seeeee
You couldn’t help yourself to smile at the almost easy conversation you had with Stiles, and suddenly you remembered why you had liked him so much. But this was not you liking him again, this was just you trying to brush up on your people skills, like Theo had suggested. You were brought back to reality when your phone vibrated again.
[unknown]: i dont wanna keep you any longer, ill see you later :))
Exhaling, you dropped your phone on your stomach, feeling like you didn’t really have to reply to him. If exchanging only a few messages would have you grinning like an idiot already, how would fare with being a fucking pack with Stiles? God this was going to be so much harder than you thought.
“-ery full moon, just to be together. You don’t have to join us, but I think it would be nice.”
You had tuned out most of the conversation ever since you walked into Scott’s house, figuring Justin and Theo would just tell you the most important information you had missed. Scott’s pack was…. Unconventional, to put it lightly. The first thing you noticed is that the whole pack seems to consist of teenagers. Justin would be the oldest one by almost pushing 30. The second thing is that, somehow, most of the pack weren’t even werewolves, actually, there were only really 2, Scott and Isaac. Kira was a Kitsune, Lydia a banshee and Malia, Derek and Cora’s cousin apparently, was a werecoyote. Allison and Stiles were plain humans, even though Allison labelled herself as a hunter, which really raised the hairs on the nape of your neck, though you deemed her alright. For now.
“Have you guys always been weres?” Isaac asked, his arms crossed as he sat on the arm chair, legs thrown over the arm rests. “I remember you from middle school.”
“No. We got the bite in Salvador. Mariana kind of took us under the wing when we first got there and somewhere along the way, she offered us the bite and we accepted,” Theo said, shrugging his shoulders a bit. Stiles narrowed his eyes at him.
“And your parents?”
Theo leaned back on the couch, his facial expression not moving a bit but you could tell that Stiles managed to get under his skin with basically the only thing Theo considered his weakness. You figured that the other weres might pick up on his comfort, but it was subtle. Theo was pretty good at masking his emotions.
“We’re not really in contact anymore. They took my sister’s death pretty hard.”
The fact that they barely acknowledged that they had another child went unsaid.
“Justin’s my legal guardian. From both of us, I guess,” Theo added, with a quick glance at you. That lead to the everyone else look at you too and you growled under your breath at the unwanted attention.
“I don’t really have anything to add.”
Theo kicked your foot making you growl, and you flashed your eyes at him, as he merely flashed his blue eyes back at you.
“O-kay!” Stiles suddenly yelped, jumping up with hand clap. “How about we get some food now? Time for food, we got a bunch of wolves here, I’m sure you’re starving. I could definitely eat. Scotty?”
“Uh sure, yeah. That’s a good idea actually. Do you guys want to stay for dinner?” Scott asked, an eyebrow raised.
Justin lifted his head, dropping them again. “Sure. It’d be nice to get to know the pack a little better, right?” He looked at you pointedly and you suppressed a grunt.
“Right.”
“We could order pizza, what about Gino’s?” Isaac suggested and Kira shook her head.
“They don’t deliver.”
“It’s fine, Lydia and I can go pick it up,” Allison said, standing up and pulling Lydia with her. She had been looking at you for a while and you gave her a somewhat tight smile. Scott gently touched Allison’s elbow, smiling at her.
“Thanks guys. I’ll go check for drinks and paper plates.”
“I’ll help!”
You coughed kiss-ass into your hand and Theo only glared at you over his shoulder as he followed Scott into the kitchen. Justin stood with a sigh, giving you a rather heavy look as he walked over to Kira, starting up a conversation with her. You suppressed the want to flee the house and seek comfort somewhere, when a scuffle between Malia and Stiles caught your attention. She was rather persistent, trying to push a hoodie into his hands which he vehemently tried to give back.
“-Iles, I don’t want it anymore.” Malia said, annoyed. “Just take it, your stench is taking over my room.”
“You guys are together?” It just slipped out, more than anything, and you fought the blush that was threatening to appear on your cheeks. Malia looked at you for a split second and you feared she’d call you out, before she merely shook her head.
“Not anymore,” Malia replied and you raised a surprised eyebrow at Stiles.
“So you got over your crush on Lydia, huh?”
“How long have you had a crush on Lydia?” Malia grunted and Stiles flushed, but before he could answer, you butted in.
“Pretty sure that’s like 7 years in the making, right?”
“It’s not ongoing,” Stiles insisted. “Lydia and I are friends.”
The embarrassment was rolling off of him in waves you could basically taste it so you figured you’d let him off the hook, even if you didn’t truly believed him. Turning away, you effectively clinked yourself out of the conversation ignoring how Malia was growling at Stiles before she disappeared. You were checking your phone, acting mostly disinterested but you could hear Stiles’ heart beating a mile a minute before he awkwardly sat down next to you.
“So, you know Cora and Derek, huh?”
Glancing up from your phone, Stiles was eyeing you, his face neutral but his eyes twinkling.
“Cora more than Derek. She’s pretty much my best friend apart from Theo that shithead.”
I heard that!
Ignoring Theo from somewhere in the house, you settled back against the couch, dropping your phone on the couch. Stiles perked up as you seemed you divert your whole attention to him.
“I miss Cora. I’m pretty sure she missed me too. Did she say anything about me?” Stiles asked and you gave him a look.
“She said you’re annoying.”
Stiles jutted his lower lip out, a frown creasing his forehead. Was he pouting?
“… She said it fondly,” you added slowly and Stiles brightened up again, straightening his shoulders. It was odd but even though you were the werewolf out of the two of you, he seemed to be acting more like a puppy.
“I knew it!” Stiles crowed. “The Hales seem to think they have an impenetrable wall of grumpiness but I’ve managed to worm my way into all of their heart nevertheless.”
Somehow, you couldn’t really imagine Stiles and Derek getting along.
“Even their psycho uncle Peter?”
Stiles winced at the question. “No, we don’t talk about Peter. I just ignore him most of the time and pretend he’s still dead.”
Right, that happened. You really hoped that the craziness around here has died down or else you’d have to seriously talk to Justin about staying in Beacon Hills.
Pleased, Stiles settled back against the corner of the couch.
An odd scent started wafting over to you from Stiles. It was something you weren’t quite familiar with. It wasn’t completely new but not exactly a common scent either, so it took you some thinking to recognize it, of course it didn’t help that Stiles was talking like his life depended on it.
“- and then he just left for London? I mean, how crazy is that? Werewolf in London, cuz that’s totally gonna work out.”
Stiles snorted and you blinked at him, having missed 90% of what he just talked about.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I kind of enjoy not having Jackson-” Jackson! “- around anymore, believe it or not but he’s gotten 200 times more insufferable ever since he got the bite. But what the hell is a werewolf doing in London without an alpha or a pack?”
You still had no freaking clue what the scent was and you were that close from breaking down. Luckily, you were interrupted before you could grab Stiles to shake him and ask him what he was feeling.
“Pizza is here!” Scott called and you heard tell tale sign of a car coming down the block as Scott opened the door to help Allison and Lydia carry the pizzas in. You moved to stand up but Stiles laid a hand on your shoulder, gently stopping you.
“I got it. Artichokes and extra cheese, right?”
Dumbly, you nodded, sitting back on the couch as Stiles got up, as everyone started swarming around the pizzas. As everyone started dispersing again, Stiles returned with two pizza boxes, handing one to you before he opened his own - classic pepperoni. When you opened your box, it was indeed a pizza topped with artichoke and extra cheese. You hadn’t even bothered to tell anyone what you wanted, you were fine with eating whatever pizza they brought back, but how did Stiles remember your pizza order? Theo could have ordered the pizza for you but Stiles never exchanged a word with Theo after Allison and Lydia left to get the pizzas, so he must have remembered it, back when you used to get pizza at his place. Even now, with you almost graduating from high school, you still had no idea what to make of Stiles.
“Thanks. I didn’t think you’d remember how I like my pizza,” you blurted out and Stiles paused, glancing at you with a mouthful of pizza. He swallowed, almost choking before he answered.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s my ADHD. I can remember a lot of unnecessary things.” His eyes widened. “Not that your pizza order is not important, but-”
“It’s fine,” you interrupted him with a small smile. “I remember small things, too. Reese’s and Honeycomb, right?”
Stiles’ lip parted and there was that scent again, so strong it nearly clouded over the rest of your senses. When you noticed Theo staring over at you with an curious look, you finally realized what the scent was.
Affection.
That was what you were smelling on Stiles.
But you knew that Stiles liked you, right? You were friends before your parents died, it was nothing new. This is like, your friendship blossoming again. You gave him a small, rather shy, smile, before taking a slice out of your pizza. Maybe this pack wasn’t so bad after all. You could do this, right? Being friends with Stiles? That was easy. As long as you didn’t slip up into the crush realm again, everything was going to be fine.
Over the next few weeks, your integration into the pack and their friend group at school was a slow but gradual process. Back in Salvador, you used to study for class with your packmates as it helped you focus on your work. Sometimes it ended up just being you and Stiles, since you were the only ones who took AP English Literature and AP Chemistry. Well, Lydia took them, too, but apparently she was too good for studying with Stiles and you, at least that was what he told you.
“I feel like my brain is leaking fluids,” you moaned, burying your face in your text book. It was nearly four pm and the sun was just blazing outside, while you and Stiles had been studying for the past couple of hours.
Stiles lifted his head off his desk, squinting at you. “Oh my god, same.”
“Do you have a hose in the backyard? I swear, if you’re going to make a dog joke, I’m going to kill you but spraying ourselves down could help with cooling down.”
“Or we could get ice cream,” Stiles suggested and you hummed. “It seems less waterboard-y and we haven’t eaten in like, five hours. I don’t know if you remember but there’s a pretty good ice cream place down by the park, Salt & Straw? And-”
“What did you just say?”
Your tone was sharp when you interrupted him, lifting the text book off of your face as Stiles paused at the hostility in your voice and he glanced over at you, salty nervosity wafting over to you.
“I just figured we’ve been studying for a while, and I could do ice cream. Salt & Straw is the best ice cream place around but if you want-”
“I gotta go,” you suddenly said, your shoulders tight. Stiles’ nervosity suddenly changed, turning sour and you could tell he was upset, but really what the hell did he expect? You avoided looking at him as you collected your things, stuffing them in your backpack, while he was only watching from where he was sitting at his desk.
“Right,” he said flatly and when you looked up at him, his eyes were sad. Turning away, you were glad that he wasn’t privy to all the whirlwind of emotions you were feeling: sad, angry and resentful. Resentful at Stiles because he brought up the very same ice cream place that he was meeting Lydia at while ditching you; angry at yourself for still letting this affect you the way it did and sad, mostly because all of this just took you right back to your parents’ death.
“I’ll see you at school then.”
“Sure.”
Even as you said it, you both knew it was a lie. You barely looked at Stiles when you bid your good bye, holding your emotions at bay until you reached the safe confines of your car. You could feel your claws coming in slowly, pricking the inside of your palm. You were usually really good with your control, the only time you could feel it slipping is when you felt like you lost control over your emotions. Starting the car quickly, you just wanted to get as far away from Stiles as possible, hoping that some distance would help. You were driving around aimlessly before you slowly rolled to a stop. You didn’t even know where you’d gone until you looked out of the window, freezing. This was really the last place you had wanted to go. Justin has been here a couple of times since you were back in Beacon Hills and he’d asked you to come with every single time but you refused. With a deep breath. you slowly opened your car door, shutting it behind you before you walked towards the two gravestones. They were shiny and clean, almost like not a single day as passed since the last time you were here.
“Hey mom. Hey dad.”
You stared at their gravestones for a while, shifting on your feet before letting out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry for not coming sooner… I guess I still haven’t really dealt with losing you…” Clearing your throat, you stared into the distance. “I guess it’s not fair of me to associate him to with your death. And maybe I shouldn’t be holding onto things for so long… But it’s so hard being back here without you guys.” Your sentence broke off when a sob escaped your mouth and when you covered your face with your hands, you finally allowed yourself to cry, really cry and mourn for your parents, your brother and yourself. When the sobs slowly turned into small sniffles, you wiped your wet cheeks with the sleeves of your shirt, exhaling deeply. Weirdly, you felt better now that you let it all out, but it was still a bit embarrassing.
“I’m really lost, mom. This thing with Stiles… It’s so complicated. I don’t understand why I got so upset when he mentioned that ice cream shop… I mean. It’s been such a long time. Why did I get so defensive?”
The silence was deafening and logically, you knew that you weren’t going to get an answer. But it felt good to say things out loud so you could process it.
“Do you think I’m so upset because I might have feelings for him?” you then added quietly, picking at a leaf that was laying on the pavement. “That’s stupid, right? I mean, isn’t this where we left off the last time? Ugh,” you groaned, palming your forehead. Why couldn’t life be simpler. If your mom was actually here, she’d know what to do. But she wasn’t, alas, you had to figure it out yourself. Crushing the leaf in your hand like it had personally offended you, you dropped the crushed bits to the floor.
“I guess it’s possible that I have feelings for Stiles…”
While you felt like a stone had lifted off of your chest ever since you’d gone to your parents’ grave, it seemed like you had resorted to your old ways of shutting everyone out. Especially Stiles. You knew you were being unreasonable, and it wasn’t really Stiles’ fault. Well, mostly not his fault. Valentine’s Day was definitely his fault. But you had to get over yourself, had to learn how to deal with your feelings first before you could find a way to be friends with Stiles. But avoiding Stiles was harder than you anticipated, considering you were in the same pack. And apparently, you and Stiles had been spending a lot of time with each other, the others have noticed.
“Did something happen between you and Stiles?”
You would’ve jumped if you hadn’t known that Scott had been standing behind your open locker door for the past five minutes, waiting patiently until you had closed it.
“Define “something”,” you said, shoving your history book into your backpack, while Scott frowned at you.
“You’re avoiding him.”
You sighed, giving Scott a look. “I’m not avoiding Stiles. I mean, we were just studying for the test. Test is over. No more studying. It’s not like something happened,” you said, a tad too defensively. Scott didn’t look convinced, but you really were in no mood to deal with this right now, pushing yourself off the locker when you were done, so you could walk to your next class. Scott apparently, had other plans, as he continued to follow you.
“You were hanging out all the time and now you’re barely around anymore. You missed our last pack meeting,” Scott pointed out. “You know Stiles is my best friend. I don’t want him to get hurt.”
With a scoff, you turned around, making Scott almost run into you with the way he was following you. “Have you ever thought about the fact that it’s not Stiles that is getting hurt in this situation?”
For the first time, you had stunned Scott speechless. Which of course didn’t last long.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh my god,” you muttered, rolling your eyes so hard you almost gave yourself whiplash. “For someone who prides himself on his detective skills, I can’t believe Stiles still hasn’t figured it out.” You only shook your head, continuing on your way, with Scott calling your name after you.
“What does that mean??”
You weren’t sure what exactly about your words had made Scott back off, but something must have worked, since no one in the pack has tried to bother you about the Stiles thing again. While you still kind of tried to hang out with them at school, you kept your distance from Stiles, who seemed weirdly okay with everything, which… Was fine. Kind of stung that he barely took a breather to check with you but it was fine. You were a big girl, you didn’t need him to take you by the hand.
“I’m going out for a run!” you said over your shoulder as you shut the door, plugging your headphones in. Muffled, you could hear some sort of answer but that was enough for you to start your run. You didn’t really have a set route as you liked to take different paths through Beacon Hills, re-acquainting yourself with the town. Today, you had decided to finally tackle the route through the park. It didn’t take you long until you block where the park was located, though you could feel yourself straining the moves to actually walk towards it, but you persisted, swallowing down the bile that seemed to be travelling up your throat.
The park was fairly busy by the time you reached the gates, too busy for you to walk through with a clear head. You contemplated whether you should jog through it or just cut your losses and turn back home, when you caught Stiles’ scent in the air. It was new, too. What was he doing at the park at nine in the morning? On a Saturday, on top of hat? You followed his scent through the park, trying to stay (mostly) on the path and keeping a low profile when you skidded to a stop. With furrowed brows, you tugged your headphones out of your ear, taking in the situation in front of you.
“What are you doing here?”
“Picnicking. I’m picnicking.”
Stiles spread out his arms and your eyes roamed over the picknick blanket where an assortment of snacks was laid out. It looked enough for a small army, and he was looking at you with a hopeful expression on his face, which… Really made it all worse, as angry tears started brimming in your eyes.
“What the fuck is this?” you snapped at him and his eyes widened, his smile dropping quickly “Is this some sick joke to you?”
“Wha-? No!” Stiles exclaimed, shaking his head. “I just thought-”
“No, Stiles, you weren’t thinking! This isn’t funny. At all. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”
You had tried to keep your voice even, but it cracked so obviously, your cheeks were burning in embarassment. Turning away, you blinked the tears away, but before you could make any move to leave, Stiles grabbed you by the shoulder.
“Wait! Please…”
You knew it wouldn’t take a lot to unwind yourself from Stiles’ grip, but he sounded desperate, his heart beating so loudly it sounded like it was right next to your ear.
“Whatever you think this is, that’s not what I’m doing. I promise,” he said quickly, dropping his hand from your shoulder as you glared at it. Stiles fumbled nervously with his hands. “Shit,” he cursed breathlessly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought this would be so much easier…” Stiles took a deep breath, looking at you. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t know doing this is like slapping me across the face?” you asked, bewildered.
“No!” Stiles exclaimed. “I didn’t… I didn’t know it was you… My secret admirer. In middle school.”
What?
You only stared at him, too shellshocked to say anything else.
“I thought it was Lydia. That’s why I took her out for ice cream, I didn’t know that it was you.”
“You said you knew who it was and looked straight at me while you said it.”
Stiles winced. “Yeah… Clearly my detective skills weren’t as sharp as I’d like to believe back then… I think got a suspicion when you remembered that I liked honeycomb. No one knows I like honeycomb. And when you reacted so hurt when I brought up that ice cream parlor… I didn’t put it all together myself. I asked Theo and he confirmed my suspicion…” he trailed off, his head low. “I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry I brought up bad memories with the ice cream place… I know your parents passed away shortly after, it must have been pretty shitty. I just wanted to get to know you again. Be close. I missed you. I always thought we kind of lost touch when you moved away, but now I remember that you pulled away even before that… I’m really sorry.”
You gaped at him, your eyes furrowed. He was…. Sorry? Your anger slowly melted away, leaving you mostly confused. “Oh… Um… It’s okay, I guess. It was so long ago. It’s not your fault my parents died and everything related to Beacon Hills just reminded me of them… I’m still working on that…” you gave him a small smile. “It’s really nice that you did this,” you started, wincing when Stiles’ face fell yet again. “But I think I need some more time till I figure out how to be friends with you without all these confusing feelings.”
“Wait, what feelings?” Stiles interjected, frowning.
You flushed. “Oh come on, you have to know.”
Stiles narrowed his eyes at you, watching your face for a minute before his face slackened, when he realized. His eyes widened a little and he stared at you, somehow, that made you flush even more.
“Oh.”
Yeah, oh.
Stiles beamed at you, for some reason, he looked absolutely fucking pleased. Figured he’d act like an idiot about it. You only rolled your eyes at him.
“Don’t let it get to your head. I’ll get over it eventually.”
“Why would you-” Stiles paused, eyeing you in disbelief. “You don’t know. How don’t you know? You’re a were, how do you not know?”
“Know what?” You asked, getting irritated. You didn’t appreciate how Stiles was questioning your abilities. Stiles didn’t reply, he only took a step towards you. Instinctively, you took a step back, making him roll his eyes at you.
“What are you doing?” you asked hotly and he only grinned at you, curling his hand around your waist, pulling you close. Your eyebrows rose a little when Stiles pressed his lips against yours, before you grabbed him by the nape of his neck, kissing him back.
Holy shit.
After a while, you pulled away, a little breathless.
“You all caught up now?” Stiles asked, like the little shit he was, and you frowned at him, poking his chest.
“You like me?”
“Oh great, you are all caught up now.”
“How was I supposed to know??”
Stiles gave you an incredulous look. “Hello? Werewolf? Heightened senses? There’s no way you didn’t smell my affection for you or how nervous I was when I was around you. I thought my heart was beating out of my chest half of the time!”
You were stumped. “I thought you just liked me as a friend.”
Stiles leaned his forehead against yours, muttering obscenities under his breath, but you weren’t listening to him, instead you were listening to his erratic heartbeat, which you had always interpreted normal for him, but apparently, it wasn’t. How did you read all of this so wrong?
“You are never going to let me live this down, are you?” you finally realized, exasperated and Stiles only shook his head, pursing his lips.
“Nope, never. I will forever remind you of this.”
As you looked at Stiles, his eyes twinkling with glee, you realized that maybe forever didn’t sound half as bad.
#stiles stilinski#stiles x reader#stiles stilinski x reader#stiles stilinski fanfiction#stiles stilinski fanfic
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HOW TO WRITE A FINAL DRAFT
(From Someone Who’s Been Working on the Same Book for Over Ten Years)
Listen, I know what you might be thinking: “why the hell would I want advice on how to work on my final draft from someone who can’t even get her shit together for her own book?”
However, because I’ve had to re-draft my own novel so many times (Primarily due to poor outlining, lack of time and inspiration, and my own insecurities as a writer), I’ve learned a lot over the years on when to know if your book is done (or not!) and how to keep motivated.
Just a disclaimer that these are my own tips and tricks that you may not agree with, and that everyone’s writing process is different! Don’t feel pressured to do things my way if you feel like it doesn’t work for you as a writer; everyone’s experience varies, and there are always exceptions!
1. Know If You’re Ready to Start a Final Draft
Some vocabulary for writers to know:
Content editing is a form of editing that revises the overall style, substance, and content of a story.
Copyediting is a form of editing that revises grammatical, spelling, readability, continuity, and factual errors within a story.
A way I would know if I’m ready to make a final draft is if I am no longer doing major content editing on the book. This means I am no longer making major changes to the plot, characters, setting, and other facets of the book. There isn’t any re-writing of entire scenes, or major plot holes that require an overhauling of the entire book.
You know you’re ready for a Final Draft if your primary concerns are copyediting.
Of course, with copyediting errors such as continuity, there will inevitably be some re-writing required, but I personally would not want to start a “final draft” at a stage where the book’s major plot points must be constantly changed during the editing process.
This varies so much, from writer to writer; so my best advice is to start your final draft when you think you’re ready!
2. Consider Getting Some Beta Readers
Again, this is an incredibly complex process; some people like to have beta readers on their earlier drafts, while others like to have beta readers for their later drafts.
A beta reader is someone who reads a work of fiction before it is published in order to mark errors and suggest improvements, typically without receiving payment (although it’s nice to swap stories and beta read for each other!) You can find people willing to be beta readers all over, especially on tumblr!
Having a round of beta readers is a great opportunity to have unbiased eyes on your work, and to have people pointing out plot holes and inconsistencies that maybe you hadn’t noticed! It also gives you a much-needed break from writing your story, and helps you come back to it with fresh eyes once everyone is done.
I personally am waiting to finish my current rewrite before having a round of beta readers, and after they look it over, doing a draft of my own editing before moving on to a final draft.
(Things don’t work out the way you think they will, though—that’s life! Take as long or as little time as you need!)
3. Consider Taking a Break
In my opinion, the best way to start editing a final draft is doing so with fresh eyes. After finishing your second-to-last draft, shelf your project for a few weeks (or maybe a few months!) and move on to another work. Then, you can come back to your story as if you were a new reader, and catch mistakes that you may have missed if you were still in the groove of writing!
This can sometimes be dangerous for writers who struggle with inspiration and getting back into things, though, so do whatever works best for you!
4. Tips to Keep Inspired
How to Overcome Writer’s Block
How to Write Consistently
Writer’s block and lack of inspiration will be your greatest enemies on your final draft! Oftentimes, people lose steam once they see the finish line is ahead. Check out the tips in the above post to help keep you on task!
5. Learn How to Stop Editing: It Will NEVER be Perfect
You are your own worst critic. You will always find something to tweak every single time you comb through your own writing; hell, even published authors sometimes read their own books and think of ways they could’ve improved certain sentences or scenes! Understand that “Final Draft” does not mean “Devoid of Flaws.”
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your book is to know when you need to stop overworking it and send it out to the world. Writers who struggle with liking their writing can find this especially difficult, which is why it can be helpful to have beta readers or a writing buddy who can put their foot down and say: it’s done! You’re ready!
Hope this helped, and happy writing! I believe in you!
#writing#writing tips#writing advice#writing help#writing reference#writing resource#writing resources#writing references#creative writing#final draft#writeblr#booklr
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His Whole Heart
pairing: kaz brekker x reader
genre: fluff
Sat in the library surrounded by books and papers, a pencil held between her fingers, as she bit her thumb nail in concentration. Y/N flipped through a few books taking notes and marking pages as she read. She reached for her cup of tea and brought it to her lips, only to find it empty. Groaning, she stretched and started packing her bag before quickly making her way back to her dorm.
As she walked through the halls she heard students whispering to each other “Have you heard?” “Everyone just has to know by now.” “I wonder what he did.” She paused next to a group of younger students, “I’m sorry… I couldn’t help but overhear. Um, who were you talking about?” A young girl handed her a paper, “His wanted posters are all over town.” Y/N looked down and the face she saw made her heart sink. “Thank you so much. Have a good rest of your evening.” She continued her way back to her dorm and sighed. Oh Kaz… What did you do now?
~
Kaz sat in the tomb staring at the wall, deep in thought. He missed Y/N so much, but he knows he can’t go see her now. His face is everywhere. Someone would be bound to notice him at the university and report him. But he needed to see her so badly, she was his whole heart. After being together for almost two years but being friends for much longer, she became his source of comfort.
He put himself and the rest of his crew in the situation. Not directly of course, and he knew that. But he still felt responsible. He looked around the tomb at Nina, Inej, Jesper, Wylan, and Matthias. Their lives were in his hands and he could feel himself starting to crack under the stress, but he’s the bastard of the barrel and he knew how to stay collected.
A knock on the door made everyone jump and hold their respective weapons at the ready. Kaz motioned for Jesper to follow him as he limped to the door, cane in hand. Jesper pushed the door open and stood in shock. “Y/N?”
“Yes yes. Move and let me in.” She huffed as she walked past him carrying a large basket on her arm. Kaz watched as she moved to the main sitting area and placed her stuff on the table, with wide eyes. Nina jumped out of her seat and tackled her in a hug, “Oh Saints, Y/N! I’ve missed you!” Inej quickly followed and embraced the two girls tightly. “It’s been months, of course you missed me!” Y/N smiled at the two of them, “I brought food and blankets ‘cause Saints know you all need it.” As she unpacked her basket Jesper spoke up, “How did you find us, Y/N/N?”
“Let’s just say I’ve spent too much time with you lot.” She tossed a wink over her shoulder before pulling out the final few snacks. After greeting everyone and introducing herself to Matthias she turned to Kaz. Walking up to him, she placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and smiled up at him, “I’ve missed you.” Still in shock, all he could do was nod with a small smile.
“Now. What did you do? Your face is all over the Barrel!” She led him to a seat as she continued to lecture him, not noticing the giggles slipping past Nina’s lips and Jesper’s smug grin. “All of you are in so much danger now. Uhg! I’m just grateful you all are safe for the moment. How did you find this place anyway? It’s a great hideout. Kinda creepy though, don’t you think? It being a tomb and all.” She sat down next to Kaz and sighed. He watched her and couldn’t help the amused smile making its way to his face. Even now, she finds a way to be the caretaker she is. Her ever giving spirit is still there even in all this darkness.
Conversation started around the room and Kaz leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I love you so much.” She smiled and reached over for his gloved hand.
Inej watched their small intimate interaction with a smile. She loved Y/N without falter, but she loved Kaz with her even more. She watched their friendship grow into this complex intricate love story. Always knowing both sides of the story because they both go to her for advice or just a listening ear.
She knew Kaz was struggling with the fact of being apart from Y/N for so long. She knew of his sleepless nights and the burden he carried on his shoulders. Her heart hurt for him, but now she was so glad Y/N had somehow found them.
Y/N had been a source of comfort to all of them over the last couple of years. Some part of her was what each of them needed, and Y/N knew that. Each of her crows held a special place in her heart, and she loved all of them equally. Well, one more than the rest.
Yes, she fell for the Bastard of the Barrel. How? She doesn’t quite have the answer, but she will never regret it. She loved Kaz in spite of all his flaws and past trauma. He owned her whole heart as she owned his.
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x y/n#six of crows#six of crows x reader#six of crows imagines#ellora.writes
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I asked a while back about binding your work Percolate in to a book. And I wanted to share because we finished!! My elderly neighbor Carol is er was a book binder/restored book for a job and is now a hobby for her so she helped me! She helped me format it correctly, and buy the correct paper, and helped me print it all from the comfort of my home So it was a lot. (Well the cover we took to our local printing company to have printed out on fancy matte paper) I wanted to share it with you because it means so much to me to have this work of art in my hands, to physically hold it and love it! I’ve already started reading it again while sipping on my not Tea (hot water lemon and honey) sitting in front of my large window cuddle in a cozy fuzzy blanket. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time to write this amazing work of art and sharing it. Thank you 💕
(I will say we did chest just a little bit we used a template for the cover and the free vector images carol has for making covers. Because I can’t draw I tried and it was bad haha! )
i would like to preface this by letting you know that when i saw this ask for the first time i immediately burst into tears, so if the following is a bit dramatic at least you have that bit of context.
i felt a lot of things all at once, i think, seeing you hold Percolate in your hands. first was just a kind of dumbstruck amazement that it existed in a real, physical, tangible way somewhere out there in the big wide world. next was a sense of pride that it was something i had written. and third was just this deep, unending sense of gratitude and appreciation for you (and sweet Carol.)
i remember writing Percolate curled up on my couch or in my bed, trying to find the right words to tell the story; listening to music while i edited a chapter and wondering if anyone was even going to like it; how nauseated i would feel each time i posted an update until someone finally left a comment saying they enjoyed it, and the rush of satisfaction that would follow; and the 16 pages of looseleaf paper that i had first scrawled the plot onto when the idea struck me, and used as an outline until the very last chapter.
i sometimes forget about Percolate, so many years on. i'm not as active in the AOT fandom. i don't celebrate the big milestones it hits anymore in the same way i used to. the numbers (while something i am of course incredibly grateful for) have lost their meaning a little bit, i think, in the grand scheme of things. 77,640 hits is a lot of times to have been clicked on. 2,825 kudos means that there are almost three thousand people out there who found my story and liked something in it enough to let me know. and this one hard copy of the fic, that you worked hard to make with your hands, means that someone cared about the thing i made enough to want to treasure it. that's something so special to me that i can't begin to say.
this silly story--my story, that used to be just some thoughts in my head and now is real on your bookshelf--was an absolute honour to share with you, and it's as much yours as it is mine now. thank you so much for sending me these photos of your hard work, and thank you for loving the story. i hope it makes you happy for a long time!!
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congrats on 200 followers! for your event, may I request atsumu + talk too much by coin? 🫶
Thank you sm anon, ofc you can!! and I’m SOOOO sorry for the long wait, I got so busy whenever I thought I had a chance to write. so here it is now!! I hope you enjoy!!
YOUR MIND. I LOVE THIS SONG (I’ve actually always personally associated it with kuroo so it was fun to use it with atsumu!! it definitely fits him.)
gn!reader, fluff, pretty suggestive?? lots of kissing.
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you know i talk too much so honey come put your lips on mine and shut me up // stay cool it’s just a kiss // oh why you gotta be so talkative // we talk too much
you talked a lot. that was something atsumu had come to know about you over the years of being your friend. and he didn’t find it annoying, but rather endearing. he loved to hear you ramble about whatever was on your mind.
you did it a lot when you were nervous, he noticed. you had done it when he asked you out for the first time, you did it just before being formally introduced to his family as his partner, you did it when he asked you to move in with him...
you also liked to ramble when you were happy, or excited, or reminded of something from your childhood.
atsumu knew when to put the rambles to an end if he saw you were getting a little too worked up, of course. but so long as you weren’t spiraling, he let you go on and listened with a smile on his face.
but sometimes he was in the mood for some physical affection and you just weren’t getting the hint.
thankfully he knew how to put them to an end as well.
the two of you were on the couch, tangled together. you had an excited look on your face as you spoke in an extremely animated fashion. poor atsumu had been trying to get your attention for the past ten minutes and he was starting to get impatient. you were ranting to him about an online audio series you were into and one of your theories on your favourite storyline.
normally he would have let you kept going for as long as you needed, but he was a man on a mission.
so far he had tried playing with the hem of your shirt, kissing your cheek, squeezing your hip, but nothing seemed to be working.
finally, he decided to use a bit more force. he sat the both of you up on the sofa and wrapped his arms around your waist. you were used to him moving around and carrying you by now, so you continued what you were saying.
“and i even thought that maybe it was, like, a time loop situation and he just hadn’t figured it out, but as it so happens, he was actually aware the whole time, and they were unaware that they’ve been there before. isn’t that crazy?”
he kissed your cheek. “mhmm,”
“the whole thing actually makes me want to start reading this one book it reminds me of...”
as you continued, he started kissing along your neck. your breath hitched a little and he smiled against your jaw. he continued going down until he got to your shoulder. he ran a hand under your shirt and you finally took notice of what he was doing.
you took his head in your hands and brought him up to look at you. “atsumu, how many times have i told you to stop me if i’m getting ann-” he cut you off with a proper kiss before you could finish that sentence.
you gasped and wrapped your arms around his neck. just as you were getting into it, he pulled away and you whined. his forehead was pressed against yours and his eyes were narrowed.
“you’re never annoying, i’m just feeling incredibly needy right now, sweetheart.” his thumb ran along the skin of your side and you shivered. “besides, i did stop you, didn’t i? just like you asked. isn’t this method a lot more fun than talking over you?”
you shifted a bit on top of him and he held your hips. “i think we’re talking too much, right now, ‘tsumu.”
“you’re right, baby, we should fix that.”
and then he went back to kissing you, finally achieving what he set out to do.
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look away, avert your eyes, don’t look at me, just enjoy the fic, and appreciate that i tried something new at the end, okay? i love him a completely normal amount. sorry if it feels rushed, it’s not fully edited yet, pls lmk if there are major mistakes!! <3
#reverie's 200 follower event <3#atsumu x reader fluff#miya atsumu x reader#miya atsumu fluff#atsumu fluff#atsumu x reader#haikyuu x reader fluff#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu fluff
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I've been thinking about her
You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened: why did they do what they did, was there some logic in it, were we so furious because of the denial, as we were unable to accept the forlorn finale and why did it hurt that much so nobody could recover from it till now.
It’s been two years, guys. Two years of re-reading Luke Jennings books, writing songs and dedicating them to VillanEve, doom scrolling post about them, about all the anger fans still got for Laura Neal and the shitty ending (as Villanelle would say with a sexy Russian accent).
I was listening to my beloved Unloved soundtrack of course, all this time. I’ve been on their concert in Paris recently and felt euphoric as I was sinking into Eve and Villanelle love story again and again through their divine music. Every word and sound reflected with my whole body and soul – it was ineffable. Every time I listen to “I’ve been thinking about her” it brings me to tears. I genuinely want this song to play at my funeral one day.
Well, I did my best to remain in this state of equanimity and kinda succeed. But a couple of months ago I decided to re-watch KE from season 1 and here is what happened. I happily binge-watched all three seasons and it felt like home – a perfect comfort zone, a way of my escapism. I even discovered a place where they shoot Villanelle’s apartment (here in Paris), I walked there, secretly got into the courtyard – it was AMAZING – visualizing what happened there in the 1st season, remembering their dialogue with Eve – “I think about you all the time” and stuff. It was comme la presence de Villanelle and I felt so happy and inspired there.
Lately I realised that I’ve been struggling, not wanting to re-watch the goddamn last season. Why the fuck it was so hard? I just can skip the last 5 minutes and et voilà – it would be just perfect. Plus dearest Luke Jennings has been writing and posting his new book about Villanelle and Eve (RESURRECTION) since November 2023, so we know that in his book they got their happy ending and their love story goes on, so it’s good news, right? We have something to rely on “more rock than sand” and it sounds so easy…
But frankly it’s not – I couldn’t pretend I did not see it – the ending they’ve made. I didn’t want to be in this denial any more. I was so angry, I didn’t want to go through it again. But I wanted to see the kiss, to feel their love, to embrace this fucking finale as well. The mixed up feelings were bothering me much so I decided to contemplate on them more, to write this down and here’s what I got.
For me this show, the VillanEve story, was very personal. And it started way long before the book. The book was a cure to find my peace AFTER I watched the ending, so I think it is what it is: the show is one thing and the book is another. I cannot pretend they are the same, like “Villanelle’s death was never meant to be in the book so fuck Laura Neal and her interpretation”. It’s fucking painful but I need to admit it – they ruined my favourite show, something I really loved and I feel so miserable I cannot simply rewatch it from time to time (like Twin Peaks for instance) to feel cheerful and happy KNOWING what awaits me in the end. It’s not a comfort zone anymore, it is a pure Hélène style torture.
I’ve never felt so attached to the heroes before. I mean, I watch a lot of tv shows and movies, and I easily emphathysise to every story I love. But THIS was different. It was a mind-blowing love-journey, irrational, psychotic, driven, crazy, fun, epic, passionate, surreal, iridescent and QUEER. I NEVER felt so seen and understood on the deepest level by just WATCHING the show. VillanEve resonates with my personal life and fantasies and I was glad that I found it. I’m more of a visual person, so it was crucial for me to be able to WATCH it, to see the performance of Sandra and Jodie and their desperate game with unresolved sexual tension where should, no, MUST have been the glorious end game. The happy ending for them and for all of us. Not just us queers, but all the people.
This show was twisted, sexy and fun from the very beginning – thanks to ingenious Phoebe Waller-Bridge. And it should have stayed like that and ended like that. It shouldn’t have to be a torture. It’s not Game of Thrones for christ sake. Besides, the story of The Twelve was screwed up too, and I will explain why.
We have a lot of this political shit in life already. Right parties, fucked up capitalism, like Russian government and its dictature. It’s no fun guys, this is really frightful and disastrous. So I believe we people do need some kind of an inspiration, a hope in the shows we watch – so we can take this hope to our lives and keep it, lean on it. In dark times like this it would be really helpful and right – so they should have caught the The Twelve gang and crush it, end it for good. But they (producers) fucked it all up so it’s quite impossible to be unfucked.
They ruined the VillanEve AND the fiction fantasy itself. It was the Author and the Twink death at once. Why not choosing an open ending if you had no idea how to end the show? The open final is always a good way, for me it’s all about respecting your audience. Think David Lynch way. Open endings give you a possibility to rewatch the show and come up with new ideas and interpretations. But they screw this one too.
So no, I think will never accept the finale. I will be grieving for a long long time. Until some director or a show runner who loves VillanEve as much as I do, makes a come-back to fix this shit.
#killing eve#eve x villanelle#killing eve thoughts#killing eve insights#killing eve theories#eve x oksana#eve x villanelle kiss#ke season 4#ke spoilers#villaneve#villanelle#eve polastri#oksana astankova#Luke jennings#Unloved#KE ending#killing eve finale#fuck Laura neal#I've been thinking about her#killing eve anniversary
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Tagged by @vonlipvig
Last song I listened to: We Like to Party (aka The Vengabus) by the Vengaboys. This damn song arrived inexplicably in my head this morning and WILL NOT leave. In an attempt to exorcise it like the demon it is, I listened to this song in its entirety. Unfortunately this didn’t work, and I now know more words to The Vengabus (it’s coming and everybody’s jumping, New York to San Francisco an intercity disco)
Last book I read: Which Way to Anywhere by Cressida Cowell, the writer of How To Train Your Dragon, doing a sci-fi story, of course I read and enjoyed this. I loved the dynamic between the siblings, the cool morally grey space teen, and watching a small magic baby forcibly adopt the space equivalent of OG Alvin the Treacherous. There were other less funny things I enjoyed (like the neat way it conveyed the fact that Daniel is living in a house that is effectively being haunted by his wife’s ex husband) but to be honest I don’t have the time to really go off on one, and this only makes sense to like 1% of you anyway.
Last film I watched: Oh jeez, it’s been a fair few weeks since I watched a film, and I sort of fried my brain with my own filming schedule. I’m 75% sure it was Kill Bill part 2 though, cos my brother and I realised we’d never seen The Kill Bill films, and it seemed like it would be our jam (and it was).
Last TV series I watched: Shogun. I’ve been watching it with my family every week, starting because Dad had read the book and wanted to watch it. As someone who knows basically nothing about that period of Japanese history, I’m finding it very interesting, and I feel like, weirdly, I’m getting a better understanding of some of the cultural influences behind some of the Japanese fiction I already know and enjoy.
Last video game I played: Trauma Center Under the Knife. Both a bastard game that I hate and a brilliant game that I love. The characters and story are great and I love them, but I’m pretty sure surgery is the thing I am worst at in this life and I should be struck off and never allowed in an operating theatre again. I am currently trying to kill an evil spider that lives on the heart of a child experiment (because this game is wild) and I am slightly scared that this isn’t the final boss of the game. In a thousand different universes that child has died of heart spider, but heart spider has to get lucky a thousand times… The Flailing Muppets Who Possess Derek Whenever He Does Surgery only has to get lucky once!
Last thing I googled: Trauma Center Savato strategy. Look The Flailing Muppets Who Possess Derek Whenever He Does Surgery needs all the help she can get, ok?
Last thing I ate: 3 packets of mini eggs. I got a lot of Easter chocolate to eat through.
Sweet, savoury or spicy: I alternate between preferring sweet and savoury dependant on an unknowable force beyond my control or understanding. Right now I like sweet things the best (hence the chocolate eggs).
Amount of Sleep: Full 8 hours baby! I finally fixed my sleep schedule out of necessity of not dying last week!
Currently Reading: Gideon the Ninth! Turns out this book is really good, I can see why you guys like it so much.
Currently watching: A documentary on Honey Ants, these creatures are cool and fucked up in a way I would love to apply to humans in a work of fiction. Living larders for instance are an incredibly messed up idea.
Tagging: @thelastlivingme @bluejaybytes @lightflame @saltykrispycake and whoever else wants to do it!
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Hi! It's me again, My question today actually relates to communicating with the gods. I talk to Njord daily, and talk to Freyr and Tyr sometimes as well. But I can't tell when they are responding back to me, or even if they are at all.
I know they exist, Njord actually responded in the world around me when I prayed to him on multiple occasions.
But I see others talking about having conversations with their gods and I feel like I'm missing out.
I do have fears like spiritual psychosis, where I trick myself into hallucinating the fact they are talking to me. But I'm also afraid of things like malicious spirits pretending to be those Gods.
I know I can cleanse my area and do things to protect myself but I do not understand what ways I can establish a connection through my protections.
I've been reading books and doing my best to understand but some books can range from it just happens to literally killing animals you've hunted to protect yourself while you talk to them.
And I wanted to know if there was something I was missing, or just hear your thoughts on it.
Thanks again!
Hi there!
I’ll start by saying that if you’re interested in my personal thoughts, I’ve actually written a post on this first topic before! Feel free to read it!
As you will see, my opinion on this matter is thus: pagans on social media do sometimes mention "talking" with deities, as if having a conversation with a human being. However, this is often a way to simplify more complex means of communication. For example, having prayed to a deity and later receiving a sign which seems to come from them can be seen a sort of "conversation" with the deity. In other cases, people will receive answers from their deities using divination methods such as tarot, rune-casting, pendulums, etc... It's also possible for some to somehow hear answers from their deities through a deep state of meditation, or through powerful spiritual experiences. Long story short, these "conversations" that people post on social media are generally a way to convey the spiritual exchange which happens when you pray, or ask a question, and you receive a sign, or blessing in return, with time. Unless of course, the poster has some sort of "clairsense" which allows them to hear clear answers. If it can be of some comfort however, I myself do not possess any kind of clairsense, and I haven't met a lot of people who do. The pagan friends whom I know have a clairsense will often tell me that the answers they get isn't nearly as clear as some internet content creators make it out to be. These answers will often be short, like simple words and muffled sentences.
But believe me, I understand why you would feel like you're missing out. I had been pagan for about four to years when I first became active in pagan circles on tumblr, and it took even longer for me to truly get involved with them (posting, commenting, discussing...). When I finally did so, I thought to myself "Am I supposed to be capable of communicating so easily with my deities? How is it that everyone else seems to find such ease in receiving answers from theirs?" And with time, I came to realize that just like me, most (if not all) pagans did not hold actual, two-sided conversations with deities. The reported conversations you see being spread online are oftentimes played up for clarity purpose, and the pagan spiritual life does consist mainly of praying to yourself, and having faith that there is someone on the other end, listening. A deity's answer can take the shape of signs, unexpected blessings and the like. As a wise friend of mine once said, "The skies don't open up for me the moment I put my hands together; that doesn't happen for anyone". In any case, there are lots of ways for you to connect with your deities— ways that don't require for you to be involved in your spirituality at all times and to master deep meditations techniques! Taking in the sight of a landscape, appreciating the beauty of a rainy night and breathing in the sea wind are moments where you may feel a deity, or deities' presence. But more on that later!
Now, I’m actually not much of a believer in the whole “spirit pretending to be your deities” concept. Of course, the belief in these sorts of instances is entirely up to each one of us individually. In my case, I have had long conversations about it with pagan friends, both online and in real life, and all seemed to think this concept being spread as much as it is on social media was an exaggeration that could easily frighten new pagans. This has never happened to anyone I'm acquainted with, at least not that I know of. For this reason, perhaps I'm not the best person to give my opinion on the topic, much less on how to protect yourself from such an occurence. If you're interested in a longer, more elaborate reflection on the matter, however, one of my friends has written this amazing post concerning the discernment of trauma (or negative personal experiences/thoughts) and the idea of spirits somehow impersonating deities.
I truly hope this has cleared up a few things for you, though I'm sorry I couldn't get into as much detail for your second question as for your first. My practice looks a lot like yours, as I mostly talk to my deities and give offerings, without receiving immediate answers. The answers I do get can take many forms, and sometimes I tell myself: "Alright. I believe that this or that sign comes from this or that deity. I can't know for sure, but believing that it does is enough". And oftentimes, I will feel a deep connection with a deity simply through devotional actions, or as I am making offerings and toasting in their honor. These are unexpected times when I somehow know that the Gods are watching over me, despite them not coming down from the heavens in a halo of light to sit and talk with me like flesh and blood human beings!
I'm flattered that you came to me with these questions, and I hope I have answered them well. May you have a fulfilling and joyful spiritual journey on this path!
#ask#asks#answered#spirituality#paganism#polytheism#norse paganism#norse polytheism#heathenry#deities#deity work#norse gods#tips
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I feel the need for some reason to give my stance on this but I was never shy of giving my opinion before in this fandom so I won’t stop now either. I’ve went through some reviews of The Final Gambit today and I noticed some people mentioning how Jameson and Avery are “sleeping together” because they are sharing a bed and due to some supposed innuendos at various points in the book. One reviewer on goodreads went so far as to imply that they had closed door s*x three times and I was flabbergasted when I read that because I don’t even know where this information came from. Anyways, I feel like we should dispel some of this. Starting with them sharing a bed at night; listen, these two had been through a lot within the short amount of time they’ve come to know each other and started a relationship so this seems to be one of the unspoken ways they comfort each other. Avery needs Jameson to keep her nightmares at bay and Jamie, well, we all know how he is and given that he often has his guard up and is emotionally unavailable, this is the way he lets himself be vulnerable and open to Avery. It’s a sign of him trying to rebuild his trust in someone other than his family after being hurt and spurned by the first girl he loved. Now, if we’re going to go to the scene in Ch. 22 where he came back home all muddy and bloody after a fight with Grayson, he was just being flirtatious and I bet that they made out or had another mini challenge since that appears to be a hobby of theirs as a couple and I find that cute, it’s very fitting of them. They have a fun competitive streak that keeps them going and obviously over the course of the year that’s become a habit for them and something tells me Avery hasn’t gone that far with him anyway since he’s her first boyfriend. It’s also quite clear from their dynamic in all the books that they flirt with each other although obviously that’s more so coming from Jameson rather than Avery because she’s more deadpan with her responses but she clearly still engages in those conversations and that’s their typical banter. We know this through almost every other scene we’ve witnessed between the two of them, from the moment they met. Regardless, just because of some of the scenes having Jameson shirtless when it’s nighttime and the story takes us to Avery’s bedroom, that’s quite normal of this Hawthorne especially when our very first interaction as readers with him through our narrator’s eyes is literally him being with no shirt on in the middle of November, mind you, drunk and tempting death. There is no insinuation to s*x at all making me see this as a “did we read the same book” sort of situation. Anyways, thanks for reading. Bye until next time.
#averyjameson#avery kylie grambs#jameson winchester hawthorne#avery grambs#jameson hawthorne#the inheritance games#the final gambit#tig#tfg#rant#thank you for coming to my TED talk
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continuing to show up late to the function but i’d love to ask for national anthem pls and ty 😊 tbh initially when you meet me i am the most cold and reserved person you’ve ever met but after… some time (a lot) you realise i’m ridiculously excitable and not nearly as pessimistic or stuck up as i can come across (even if being a bitch is a core trait of mine). i’m like an academic housewife lol in that i’m either reading, writing, cooking or baking. my style is a mix of 50s cottagecore and grunge new york model
Hmm…honestly? I think Topper, he has to actually work to get to know you. You’re not just going to give in, that makes you mysterious in a way and he loves it. He thinks it’s sexy, and then when you finally start opening up he gets to see a different side. He loves how easy it is to get you excited (👀) and how despite your outer personality being this pessimistic person, you’re actually very positive and caring. He loves that he’s one of the few people to see it though, that you trust him enough to show your true personality while you’re a bitch to everyone else at times (which we love here clearly). He buys you all your favorite things, spoils you with books and baking supplies, takes you on giant shopping sprees, gets you cute stationary, and let’s you take over his very big kitchen all the time. You go over to his house when he’s not there and he’ll walk in to you cooking or baking something and just melts, walking over and kissing you. And of course devours everything you make him (before he devours your-). You’re a change of pace for him, Sarah was semi a mystery but she never fully let her walls down for him or genuinely cared about him, you did. You show him that he is lovable and what a healthy relationship with two people in love looks like and he adores you so much.
As for the song, i’m going ‘Why Do I Cry’ by Margo Guryan (because i’ve been listening to it a lot lately and it gives me housewife vibes😭)
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‘John Wick 4’ Star Hiroyuki Sanada Teases His FX Series ‘Shogun,’ His First as a Lead: ‘I Feel Reborn’
Link to the article (x)
Japan’s Hiroyuki Sanada has become one of Hollywood’s most familiar Asian actors, with action roles in franchises like “Mortal Kombat,” “Avengers: Endgame” and now “John Wick 4,” as well as nuanced character turns in “Minamata” and “The Railway Man.”
“John Wick” star Keanu Reeves and director Chad Stahelski created a role especially for Sanada so that he could join the action-packed universe. But it is the upcoming “Shogun” series for FX and Hulu that has given the Hollywood-based Sanada a new calling.
What do you like most about your part in ‘John Wick: Chapter 4’?
There’s a scene between John Wick and my character Shimazu Koji, up on the roof top where the two old friends are drinking whiskey. Just talking. Talking, not fighting. That’s a very rare thing in this movie. It created atmosphere and established their chemistry.
As an action franchise, “John Wick” is pretty intense. Were you ready for that?
Before he created “John Wick” and at the end of “47 Ronin” [in which Reeves and Sanada co-starred] Keanu told me that his next project was a big action movie with Chad [Stahelski]. I said “good luck” and watched the whole series in the movie theater. Finally, Chad called me and said he’d created a role for me, as an old friend of John Wick. I was so excited, this time I said, “I’ll see you on set.” It was a quick decision. I’d been following all of Keanu’s jobs. And I was really happy to be reunited with Keanu and Chad, the stunt guys and the choreographer. It was like a dream come true.
As a Japanese actor in Hollywood, do you have to audition much?
These days, luckily, I mostly get offered roles. But, of course, for many years before that I had to audition. Lately, I read the script, talk with the director and if we see that we have the same goals, I’ll jump in.
I think I used to be a workaholic, especially when I was living in Japan. No official holidays in the year, working almost every day. I loved it. But when I moved to L.A. in 2005, it was harder for me to get roles. And I had more free time. It had never happened before. But I also realized that I needed that time, because working in the U.S. was much harder than working in Japanese in Japan. I started taking English lessons, then doing auditions and lots of meetings. I had to concentrate. I was tense. So, I needed the relaxing time in between and have now found a good work-life balance. I have an exciting job and a peaceful life. California is perfect for me. It has cities, great restaurants, the ocean and mountains. Plus, there is a big entertainment industry here.
Many of the roles you’ve taken — “Minamata,” “The Railway Man,” “Bullet Train” — speak about Japanese culture — but are not necessarily made by Japanese filmmakers. Do you worry that they are inaccurate or they’re Western-skewed interpretations of Japanese society?
Some themes are considered too sensitive or delicate that Japanese filmmakers will not touch them. In that case, if it is an important theme, having a Western filmmaker do it is welcome. I say, “Thank you for making this movie and bringing the story to the world.” I always take this stance. But if they are getting things culturally incorrect, then I have to say something. I have to fix it. I’ve found directors and producers have always listened respectfully to my suggestions and that has never been awkward on set. In “Minamata” [where the subject is an industrial-scale poisoning] the director [Andrew Levitas] asked me to consult on the set design and the costumes of the extras. I was on set every day, often before the director, checking things. I didn’t have any official title, but they listened to me. Since then, I’ve been doing that for every movie. And, last year, finally, I got the title of the producer of a show.
You are referring to “Shogun” — a series based on another Western-written book about Japan — in which you play feudal Lord Toranaga
Yes. I discussed these things a lot with Justin Marks [co-writer and executive producer] about how to make it work for today’s audiences and still be authentic. But, for the first time I had the right, officially, to say something. We hired Japanese cast and crew, who have a long career in samurai movies. Costumers, wig specialists and set designers. On “Shogun,” I had a team. Before that, I was always just one person struggling with this responsibility on my shoulders. That said, I really enjoyed it. Making better movies is my dream. Now finally, after 20 years [in the U.S.], I’ve got the title and the team. It is a big step for me. First time as a producer, first time as a leading man in a Hollywood show. I feel reborn. And I hope that there will be more occasions when I can be actor or producer, or both.
How is the production of “Shogun” going?
It went well. It was so dramatic and meaningful. Everyone understood that we were taking on a big, big challenge. But it was worth working hard to create the future. It was a great feeling: East meets West without any walls between us.
Although they operate on different scales, are there things that Hollywood can learn from the Japanese film industry?
The styles are a little different. And it is true that Japanese movies have almost no budget. So, we have to calculate and schedule everything very tightly. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not. Having a highly skilled crew certainly is. I’d like to see more mix between East and West. Bigger budgets, protected by unions, but also working to a schedule.
What are your plans going forward?
After finishing the post-production of “Shogun”, I will join my next project in June or July. A movie, but I cannot disclose the title just yet. I won’t be producer on that, but I plan to produce again in the future.
I mean, this is what Sanada truly deserves; being a leading man in Hollywood. he has more than enough experience, gravitas, and talent to do so, and I am stoked and extremely exhilarated (to an almost unparalleled extent) to see how Shogun unfolds. I finished reading the book while ago, and it is an excellent piece of literature, and Lord Toranaga is such a complex, intricate, multifaceted protagonist.
#✗ breathing iron and rust (outofkombat)#hiroyuki sanada#shogun#john wick 4#(despite my excitement towards JW4 I can't deny the fact that I was immensely disappointed also)#(of how quickly his character died on screen)#(I expected more - more like what Donnie Yen's character ended up as. a pivotal part of the movie)#(although as the Manager of Osaka Continental he was such a regal and graceful figure)
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