Still can't draw, but I found a sketch of Max's adoptive dad. I just wasn't sure if I should post this...

Hey guys, Clara here 🫂

This is a venting post, it has some TWs: cancer illnesses, mentions of trauma and mental disorders.

I've been very off from tumblr, feeling pretty detached from pretty much anything lately. I'm not even sure if I'm going through another depressive episode or just life itself has been pretty tough, maybe both.

I always talk about how bad OCD, generalized anxiety and ADHD get my routine and my life really messed up, but there are more things, some that only a few here know because I am always really scared to talk about, mostly because of OCD. I have a lot of different themed obsessions, but one of them includes mystical thinking ("If I say this, it will happen" or "I can't sing, write or mention the word de a th completely or I'll lose someone" etc.)

Some days, I am feeling way better about these things and I even manage to write about it, but on others, not so much. So, as I mentioned here before, I can't say the phrase, but my closest family person is facing a stage 4 cancer right now, and things have not been going the best. I lost my dad to covid at the same year and month this person discovered the cancer, same month, she also had covid at the same time. And now her brother is terminal stage on cancer too. I have the historical of this disease on both sides of my family, VERY strongly. My family isn't very united and they are not so young, plus the heavy cancer history; I fear almost everyday I'll lose everyone and end up alone, also not to mention the fear of developing it too 🥲

Because of OCD and my fears, I cannot mention who the person is, but some might have an idea by what I said, and I guess two people here know because I can talk privately about, OCD just won't allow me to mention it "public" (I know it makes no real sense, but OCD never have made any). Well, things are going pretty hard. I feel really lost :')

Lately my chronic issues have been out of control: constant asthma attacks and my asthma was so much more controlled, more rhinitis and sinusitis pain than ever that won't ever stop, not even after 4 or 6 meds, more nauseous, more insomniac (almost 3 months very badly sleep deprived because of nightmares of all these trauna :'c ), forgetting to eat, skipping classes, 0 notion of time and space progression... And after all of that, I'm still dealing with an old childhood trauma too :'c it's been too tough. I hope I can make out of this, honestly. Life has been a nightmare. Trying to find strength to face all of this :')

I haven't forgotten any of you, and I hope I'll find back motivation to be active and interact. I love this community and I feel so welcomed by everyone 🫂

Miss you all and hope you're all doing well 🫂🌻

Idk I die mentally more often than one time physically

Dealing with haters and general hate in fandoms:

The firsts times: The 1000000th time:

We took the bait, gays. This show is about a very close platonic friendship.

this loneliness is killing me again and again. i thought i would always get used to it, but i was wrong. everything becomes too much when you're lonely, everything hurts for no reason and i hate it. i wish everything could stop or at least the feelings could stop.

I’m bored

I’m bored I wish my friends were here.. I wish they didn’t live aboard, fuck... >< or I could move to them or at least move out of my parents place fuck hate my miserable life. Is a joke.

it’s like a switch went off in my brain but it doesn’t feel like this will end quickly i think i might be like this for the next few days at least

everything feels difficult and tiring

typing is an effort

i wanna cut but that’s too much effort too

just want sleep

so my depression has depression

fml

sometimes I just get so sick and tired of fighting just to survive.

Ich brauche dich mehr als du mich und wir beide wissen es.

i thought i was gonna be dead before i turn 18 and now im 24 and have no idea what im doing with my life

maybe my life story was supposed to have a nice fairy-tale kind of storyline with happy ending but the writer was having some writer's block and ended up with plot holes, or maybe just started to become the villain origin story