*displays textbook symptomatic behavior of my own disorder that I am well educated on* what’s my deal why am I like this

Want to be part of a group blog on how to write neurodivergent characters?

[Large text: "Want to be part of a group blog on how to write neurodivergent characters?"]

I've found Tumblr blogs on writing physically disabled and POC characters, but nothing specifically for neurodivergence.

Maybe there is something I just haven't found yet, but even if so, I think the most resources the better.

So, hi! I'm Amethyst — amateur writer and neurodivergent, and now looking for people to help me out with this project.

I could try this on my own, but I would rather have other neurodivergents with me (especially with different conditions from mine)

Does anyone want to help me make a change?

How to Properly Self-Diagnose (Mental Illness)

Find the diagnostic criteria, don't look up symptoms (search eg. adhd diagnostic criteria).

a. Make sure you know what illness you mean before searching (eg. you may search for the bpd (borderline personality disorder) criteria when you meant bd (bipolar disorder), do some research of what they are first in case you have it wrong, I recommend Verywell's List Of Psychological Disorders to go over several examples at once with links to extended descriptions (not an exhaustive list, for others, use Mayo Clinic or simply look at the criteria of specific disorders)).

b. Be aware of names like SAD and ASD, both mean (1) seasonal affective disorder and social anxiety disorder, (2) autism spectrum disorder and acute stress disorder. (Tell me if I missed any others)

2. Pay attention to the diagnosis instructions (don't think you need to meet all points, or again, not enough points) (eg. must meet at least 5 of the following 9 symptoms).

3. If you're confused, want to take extra precaution measures, or have questions/I missed something (which I probably did) contact me on Instagram (I won't see my Tumblr messages) (not a professional, just educated myself very much and have good discretion and logic skills (for most)).

a. Though I don't have perfect knowledge either, I have the ability to know and admit that I don't know 100% what I'm talking about if so (which some don't) and can give you instructions on what to do instead or help you go over the data personally instead of trying to translate an article just giving information, I could look at your symptoms specifically and help decode them.

b. If you said f that, I advise against asking a professional or medically diagnosed person, honestly, because it's unbelievable how often doctors don't know what they're talking about, and I wouldn't immediately ask other self diagnosed people either because of how ridiculous it can get (plenty stray far from these instructions), it's best to use good reasoning and know how to research topics, do as much research as possible, use several different sources and try to get the best answer.

4. If you don't know what you have but think you do have something you can message me directly also and I can tell you what your symptoms sound like and anything it could be.

Formatting was kinda weird but it works, hope this helps, don't hesitate to ask further or correct me.

I saw someone learning about their own dissociative tendencies and taking the DES-II (Dissociative Experiences Scale) test as a first step in seeing if they want to really dig in and learn to navigate their experiences.

It's only 28 questions, so it can't cover everything -- and some of the terminology it uses is a little outdated. Even so, it's interesting and useful and can be helpful even when your answers are uncertain.

If there are others with (un-dx'ed, self-dx'ed, pro-dx'ed, etc.) anxiety disorders, PTSD/CPTSD, BPD, DID, non-plural dissociative disorders, non-traumagenic plurality, autism, ADHD, etc. who want to check out their dissocation levels as a first step toward further exploration or as a confirmation of a diagnosis or just for fun, I recommend giving it a try. It shouldn't be taken as an official professional diagnosis or the final say on your experiences, but it might offer some perspective of some kind.

I've been pondering on what about comedies revolving around social anxiety like Bocchi the Rock and Komi Can’t Communicate makes them so beloved when they could have easily been interpreted as ableist mocking of people with crippling disabilities. I think the main difference is that while shows like this do get their humor from the fears inherent in these disabilities, its far more sympathetic and good-natured compared to others. Like with The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon clearly has some very autistic and OCD traits that are treated by the characters and narrative as annoying, bizarre, and infuriating to deal with. While when Bocchi has a full-on panic attack the joke is focused less on her herself but what she THINKS she is doing wrong, which while largely exaggerated for humorous effect is still portrayed in such a way that it is really relatable to people who have an anxiety disorder from what I have been hearing (or to people with OCD, from my own personal experiences with the disorder). The joke is her overactive imagination and her hilariously simplistic facial expressions, not “this mentally ill girl is such a weirdo”. The narrative also treats her as someone who is worthy of love and is obviously rooting for her to succeed, but her own head convinces her that she is doing far worse than she actually is. Everyone around her never loses their patience with her or calls her a creepy weirdo, they are just really concerned because their friend just fell over and started convulsing into different art styles at the mention of doing something social. They just met her and they already love her despite her disorder. Its a FAR less viscous type of schadenfreude then something like Watamote where absolutely nothing goes right in her life.

Abusers never getting their story straight:

I spoke to one abuser who said that he wasn’t an abuser because he lacked self awareness about his behaviors during the time he abused women he had relationships with. So being mentally ill let him off the hook for abusive behaviors. But he still had a right to get revenge and abuse people in extreme ways who minorly hurt him as I was given details of those situations… but nobody has a right to hurt him back.

I spoke to one abuser who claimed he wasn’t the only abuser in the relationship and that him and his ex gf were 50/50 when it came to splitting up the role of being the abuser. So he went on to tell us in the chat that it’s a good thing bc now it’s a “fun” war where he’s justified in doing whatever he wants to his ex girlfriend and nobody can talk him into thinking differently. I asked for details and he told us, so fucking clearly, that his ex-gf just reacted to his abuse…. He drove her “crazy” basically.

I talked to another abuser that said he had NPD and his ex had CPTSD, OCD and BPD and he laughed about how they “made a beautiful mess of everything” when they dated. Red flag. From all the details, he had no self awareness of describing that he abused her first, but he thought “so what” bc “she’s bad too”, dragged her through horrible and stressful situations, justifying it bc “he had childhood trauma” causing her to react to him in such intensity and horrible behaviors back. He blamed her BPD and his NPD saying they were both abusers, but everything he described had absolutely nothing to do with her BPD, and more so to do with his treatment of her, and her simple reaction to that which can get either confused or overlap with BPD symptoms coming out. Why not blame her CPTSD? CPTSD had a lot of symptoms about flashbacks, emotional dysregulation, even anger issues sometimes and when she displays these symptoms why is that not automatic “she’s the abuser” with the CPTSD? Why not blame her OCD? Anxiety around loved ones too. He admitted without realizing it probably that he gaslit her and she did not gaslight him; he gaslighted her in extreme ways I was concerned that he will never change his way of thinking.

I’m spoke to another abuser who said he kept pushing a girl into a relationship and would never leave her alone and didn’t count this as emotional abuse and potential stalking. She non stop would run from him and tell him to get away and stop bothering her. He genuinely believed coercion isn’t abusive if he spread out his coercive behavior over the course of months as in: “coerce her for 3-5 minutes, then leave her alone, repeat for months every other week or so”. Which made no sense like “people change their minds especially if every week I can come up with something good to get her to turn her no into a yes”. He harassed her, stalked her, and coerced her into things she didn’t want to do and claimed she abused him when she reacted so badly to him one day at school and embarrassed him in front of all their classmates. Which he said he had a right to get revenge on her and bully her for embarrassing him; obviously he does not have a right to abuse her because he abused her first, she reacted and told him off in front of everybody, then he claimed to be a victim.

Mutual abuse is non-existent.

Do not say that you have a 'phobia' of something when all you feel is disgust or mild fear upon encountering it.

Phobias are real, debilitating anxiety disorders that have a profound impact on a person's life. Please be mindful and sensitive when you're using mental health terminology.

It's not that hard!

SUDs Check-in!

What are SUDs?

SUDs stands for Subjective Units of Distress. It's the fanciest way possible of saying "Rate your emotional pain". Some people use a scale of 0-100 (yes, really), but I prefer 0-10 when I work with students. I think that, otherwise, it gets way too overwhelming!

Note: if you clicked on option 10, you might want to check out my crisis tips.

This panel from Branson Reese's webcomic Swan Boy is one of the best descriptions of anxiety disorders I've ever seen.

“do it afraid”

tw: descriptions of anxiety / panic

“do it afraid” right. well i have been doing that, for like, years and years that i’ve had anxiety disorders. because i had to. but the point is: -

shouldn’t have to.

just because can do it aftaid, doesn’t mean that can actually do it.

it’s about the energy taken. it’s about the physical and mental limits.

fear isn’t just an uncomfortable thing to move past. how am i supposed to ‘do it afraid’ when my body physically runs out the room, when my hands and head trembling, when my legs collapsing because anxiety makes them weak, when my throat closes up and my mouth won’t open and i can’t make noise.

this “do it afraid” is great testament to the struggles of people with anxiety disorders, but like it isn’t exactly advice. we’ve been dealing with this shit for a long time.

point is: when i say i can’t do something, believe me.

i know when i can do it and be very very scared and frozen, versus when am at physical and mental limits from the anxiety.

you do not get to decide that for others. 🌹🌹

You gotta be a specific kind of pathetic human being to go online and make your shitty little attitude everyone else's problem. Also having a mental illness isn't an excuse to be toxic, if people are avoiding you, its probably because you suck, and not because you're depressed^tm.

To everyone who has to interact with these sorts of people, remember to block, and practice self care. Ghosting is also fine. Choose your own peace of mind, you can't save people who don't want to be saved.

no one gets how debilitating anxiety disorders are, everyone thinks they can relate because they've felt anxious before...like no I literally want to die it's so bad

Hey guys, Clara here 🫂

This is a venting post, it has some TWs: cancer illnesses, mentions of trauma and mental disorders.

I've been very off from tumblr, feeling pretty detached from pretty much anything lately. I'm not even sure if I'm going through another depressive episode or just life itself has been pretty tough, maybe both.

I always talk about how bad OCD, generalized anxiety and ADHD get my routine and my life really messed up, but there are more things, some that only a few here know because I am always really scared to talk about, mostly because of OCD. I have a lot of different themed obsessions, but one of them includes mystical thinking ("If I say this, it will happen" or "I can't sing, write or mention the word de a th completely or I'll lose someone" etc.)

Some days, I am feeling way better about these things and I even manage to write about it, but on others, not so much. So, as I mentioned here before, I can't say the phrase, but my closest family person is facing a stage 4 cancer right now, and things have not been going the best. I lost my dad to covid at the same year and month this person discovered the cancer, same month, she also had covid at the same time. And now her brother is terminal stage on cancer too. I have the historical of this disease on both sides of my family, VERY strongly. My family isn't very united and they are not so young, plus the heavy cancer history; I fear almost everyday I'll lose everyone and end up alone, also not to mention the fear of developing it too 🥲

Because of OCD and my fears, I cannot mention who the person is, but some might have an idea by what I said, and I guess two people here know because I can talk privately about, OCD just won't allow me to mention it "public" (I know it makes no real sense, but OCD never have made any). Well, things are going pretty hard. I feel really lost :')

Lately my chronic issues have been out of control: constant asthma attacks and my asthma was so much more controlled, more rhinitis and sinusitis pain than ever that won't ever stop, not even after 4 or 6 meds, more nauseous, more insomniac (almost 3 months very badly sleep deprived because of nightmares of all these trauna :'c ), forgetting to eat, skipping classes, 0 notion of time and space progression... And after all of that, I'm still dealing with an old childhood trauma too :'c it's been too tough. I hope I can make out of this, honestly. Life has been a nightmare. Trying to find strength to face all of this :')

I haven't forgotten any of you, and I hope I'll find back motivation to be active and interact. I love this community and I feel so welcomed by everyone 🫂

Miss you all and hope you're all doing well 🫂🌻

“Veni, Vidi, Discessi.”

-Anxiety Disorder Motto

(I came, I saw, I left. 💀)