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ptergwen · 3 years

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sensation

w/c: 4.6k

warnings: some swearing, suggestive tings, and a pretty bad ending

summary: it’s the last night of your world tour, and tom has the perfect way to celebrate

a/n: i know y’all have been waiting for this one! everyone really loved when worlds collide but i ran out of ideas for it lol sorry... anyways my solution was to turn it into a oneshot :D based off the au!! i’m honestly nervous about posting this cuz a lot of you asked for it and i don’t wanna disappoint but i tried my absolute hardest to make it special <3 please enjoy

“thank you so much! we love you!” you shout to the audience, laughing breathlessly when they shout back. one of your dancers pulls you into a side hug, you throwing your arm around his neck. “we’re so fucking lucky you chose us, that you came all the way here. i’ve seen some of you back at night one. wow.” your voice gets wobbly, thinking about how loyal your fans are.

the tour started in new york, and they’ve followed you here to london.

tonight is an emotional night for everyone. you’re about to wrap your last show before you continue again in the summer. touring the u.k. has been a dream, and you’re just as thrilled to travel the rest of the world after your break. it’s bittersweet because you’re going to miss the hell out of your crew and the millions of lovely faces you’ve sang to each week. but, you do get to spend your time off with a special someone.

he’s watching you from the sound booth, sending fond smiles and loud cheers your way. thanks to you, tom has been at every show you’ve played in england. he brought harry along this time because he’s also a fan and wanted to see you. well, tom is more than a fan at this point. you’d say he’s more of a boyfriend. you haven’t discussed labels just yet.

your dates have mainly been over facetime, since you live on opposite sides of the world with insane schedules. a heartthrob actor and international popstar is quite the combination. you’ve only seen each other in person a couple of times, the first being pretty recently.

zendaya brought tom along to hang out with you in los angeles. he happened to be there recording some lines for a movie. she saw your concert earlier that night and invited him to crash the dinner plans you’d made, resulting in the best surprise and most fun you’ve ever had. the other time you enjoyed each other’s company was one weekend in paris. that was... something.

besides those two miracles, everything between you and tom happens through a screen. you’ll down bottles of champagne or keep warm under blankets while talking about your days. it’s nice, having someone on the other end who listens and actually hears you. tom gets it. you both do.

finishing your tour in london is convenient because not only will you have tom to comfort you, but you get to stick around for a while. he’s invited you to stay at his place. you can’t wait to meet the other holland’s, his friends, and obviously tessa.

“fuck, i’m gonna cry. i’m already crying,” you announce to the crowd, though they can tell from the tears streaming down your face. more dancers huddle around you and turn your single hug into a group one. you’re laughing and sobbing and holding on tight to everyone. fans bawl their own eyes out, the fact that this is it starting to settle in. the onstage crew even gets choked up, seeing you like this.

tom pouts from where he’s watching. he wishes he could run up there and squeeze you tight, but he’ll have to save that for when you’re done.

“i love you all so much, literally every single one of you in this room,” you tell everyone for the nth time tonight, swiping a perfectly manicured finger under your eyes. “my lighting crew, sound crew, my band, my fearless fucking dancers-“ a hiccup cuts you off. people burst into fits of giggles, which is a much needed tension breaker. you adjust your headset so the mic doesn’t pick up any other bodily noises.

grinning, you rest your arm on a shorter dancer’s shoulder, then go on. “sorry, sorry. i just wanna say, like, three more thank you’s before i get out of here.” there’s a chorus of no’s and encouraging whistles at the mention of you leaving. you blink back more tears to delay the breakdown you’re going to have. “thank you to my friends who always show up for me.”

with a knowing smile, you glance over at tom. “and, thank you to my more than a friend.” he smiles back, both hands held over his heart. harry elbows him in congratulations. more screaming erupts from the crowd as they realize where you’re looking and who you’re looking at. this will be sure to spark some headlines. whatever, you’re used to trending on every possible social media platform by now.

“this is the big one,” you preface, taking in a breath while everyone quiets down again. “thank you to you guys. for trusting me, for caring about what i have to say in any way. i feel your love. i really do, and i hope you feel mine.” your fans yell that they love you back, dancers gently swaying you side to side, emotions on high. there’s one last song, and it’s over.

“this has been the sensation tour, and i’ve been your host. was i good?” you try to lighten the mood, earning a bunch of what sound like positive shrieks. the earpiece you have in makes it hard to tell. “y’all were even better.” exchanging looks with your dancers, you pull out of the hug so you can get to your mark for the finale. they follow your lead. music comes through the speakers.

“i’ll see you again soon, okay? i promise. here’s sensation,” you introduce the song, immediately bursting into more tears. it’s torture to say goodbye. thankfully, you have the most incredible fans on earth, so they sing along with you at the top of their lungs. that includes tom and harry, your ultimate stans.

when the show is over, you run right off stage and over to tom. he’s waiting on the side with actual heart eyes for you. you practically leap into his arms, a hand cradling the back of his head, both his arms draped low and tight around your body.

“you were so amazing up there! absolutely smashed it, darling,” tom breathes out. his face is smushed between your neck and mostly bare chest. “thanks, tom. seriously, thanks for being here tonight and every other.” you smile a tired smile and wind your other arm around his neck. he presses some light you’re welcome kisses to your skin. “mm, thanks for having me. how’s it feel to be done?”

you sigh, fingers running through his curls. “like the biggest relief, and also really sad.” you’re such a mess that you could cry again on the spot. tom senses it and lifts his head up to see if you’re alright. “super depressing,” you surprisingly reiterate without the waterworks. “i know the feeling. you’ll be back soon, though. you said it,” he murmurs, a grin on his lips as they brush against the corner of yours.

you’re about to kiss him properly, then one of your dancers comes up to you. you’d forgotten that there are still stage managers and security everywhere, too. you get completely lost in tom whenever you’re together.

“you killed, babe,” coco greets you, linking your arm in hers. tom takes the hint and lets go of you. he watches on with a smirk. “nah, you murdered,” you send the compliment back and bite your lower lip. “i dunno, i feel like someone murdered me!” there’s coco with her dramatics. she’s genuinely hilarious, your shared sense of humor playing a huge part in your friendship.

she brings your free hand to her heart. you gasp at how fast it’s going. “that shit is really beating, coco. are you, like, okay?” “probably not. it was the freestyle that got me.” coco went a lot harder than usual tonight, since it was her last big dance break for a while. she puffs air from her cheeks and nods to tom. “this your man?”

“yeah, you could say that. i’m tom,” he answers, holding out a hand for her. “coco.” she pulls it like you would in a handshake. you beam at them, one of your best friends and unofficial boyfriend finally meeting. “sounds promising. i approve,” coco mutters to you. bumping your hip into hers playfully, you take one of tom’s hands in both of yours.

“aw, we have your blessing or something? your permission?” you coo and get a push at your shoulder from coco in return. tom chuckles, his thumb running over the back of your hand. “no! i was gonna say you should bring him out back,” coco clarifies, like it was obvious. you’re not sure what she’s on about. “uh, what’s out back?” you question. “an axe?” tom teases.

coco gestures to the nearest exit. “we’re having a little goodbye party in the parking lot. fire pit, snacks. remember?” nope, you’d completely forgotten. the idea first sounded like the perfect way to end your night, so you agreed to go. that was before you were dripping sweat and mentally exhausted. now, all you want to do is unwind with tom and tom only.

the superstar life is one you’re happy to lead, just not at this exact moment.

“i do now.” you muster up your most apologetic smile for coco, tugging on tom’s hand. “i’m sorry, co. i think we’re gonna pass.” her jaw drops. you’re never one to skip these things. “aw, for real? it’s our last night!” tom threads his fingers through yours while you talk. “bro, we’ve been together for almost a whole year,” you laugh out, nuzzling your cheek into tom’s chest. “get sick of me.”

“never,” coco deadpans. she catches you gazing up at tom, relaxing as his arms hug your middle. she’s known you long enough to tell what’s a fling and what’s real love for you. this is something special, and she can’t get in the way of it. she’ll let you navigate this yourself. “ok, just for tonight. you’ll text me?” coco gives you a real smile, raising an eyebrow at tom. he gathers that’s a good thing. he’s in.

“mhm. maybe we can hang out tomorrow,” you agree and let your eyes flutter shut. all that’s keeping you up are tom’s strong arms. “tell everyone i love them.” “i think they know.” coco shakes her head lightheartedly. tom laughs at her. “be good,” she tells him and means it, rubbing your back on her way to the lot. that leaves you and tom alone at last.

custodians are cleaning up the arena, fans are piling out, and you’re clinging to tom while his steady heartbeat grounds you. this is the only after party you need.

“harry’s got the car when you’re ready,” tom mumbles, tucking a piece of damp hair behind your ear. you loop your arms around his torso with a hum. “i was kinda wondering where he went.” “yeah?” he gives you a small smile. “gotta ask what he thought... of the show.” yawns are creeping past your lips, tonight’s events catching up to you.

“i like feedback from the fans, or stans,” you elaborate in your sleepy state. tom uses his fingertips to tap your temple. “what about me? i’m your biggest.” “i’ll, um, follow up with you later.” your words are slurring. “right now, home.” warmth spreads throughout tom’s entire body, his house becoming yours for a bit. “your chariot awaits,” he affirms before helping you to your dressing room.

after collecting your things, you follow tom out to the car. harry is in the driver’s seat, and you two slip into the back. he exchanges a look with his brother through the mirror while you settle on his shoulder. you’re hugging his bicep, his lips pressing to the side of your head.

��thank you for driving,” you speak softly to harry. he starts to pull out of the spot with a nod. “no problem. get to say i was y/n y/l/n’s chauffeur.” tom clicks his tongue even though harry is joking. you snicker at his remark, joking back. “you want the job? better be a five star ride, then.” your banter brings yet another smile to tom’s face. his family is everything to him, so seeing you get along so well means the most.

“right, right. did you have a good time?” harry wonders, twisting to see behind him while he turns around. he also peeks at you snuggled up to tom before facing forward. “great, actually. did you?” you check, the grin clear in your voice. harry goes into full stan mode. “no shit! you were brilliant, y/n. god, every note was just like how you did it the studio.” he’s raving, which is much appreciated by you.

“good answer.” tom shoots his brother a wink. “‘s that what you wanted to hear?” he asks in reference to your conversation earlier. your response is a kiss to his shoulder. “yay. i’m happy you liked it, harry.” he buzzes with excitement, having his favorite artist care what he thinks.

not much is said for the rest of the drive. tom and harry make some hushed conversation about golfing this weekend while you struggle to stay awake. they’re obsessed with that damn sport. it’s honestly nice to see, that tom has something he likes to do when he isn’t shooting hollywood’s biggest movies. your free time will finally give you the chance to discover other hobbies.

you stumble out of the car upon arriving to the boys’ place, a backpack on your shoulders and tom’s hand held tight in yours. you’ve got only a few essentials with you for tonight. the rest is on the tour bus, so you’ll gather it after your hangout with coco. besides, everything you need at the moment is right here.

“home sweet home,” tom announces as harry unlocks the front door. his words bring a tired smile to your face. “finally,” you exhale, keeping your fingers laced with tom’s and following the two of them inside. “i could show you around a bit, give you the grand tour. or-“ tom stops talking, feeling your weight on him. harry huffs at how oblivious his brother is.

“mate, she’s falling over. save it,” he suggests and kicks the door shut lazily. you’re done in. you’ve been having to lean on tom since the show ended. “another time, then,” tom mumbles, securing his arm around your waist. “there is one thing i wanna see.” your voice is low, body curled into tom’s side. he raises an eyebrow. “and that is?” “your room.”

tom takes that in a suggestive way, like he does most things. “we’re getting right to it, are we?” he questions, harry gagging and you nudging his arm with your head. “not like that, dummy. ‘cuz i’m sleepy.” there’s a beat of silence. “ask me again in-“ “wow, look at the time!” harry interrupts so he doesn’t have to hear the details. he’s sure he’ll witness enough after it happens. “off to bed i go! goodnight.”

he rushes to get to his room, yelling out, “great show, y/n!” on the way. “thank you! night!” you call back, tom letting out a sigh. “div of the century,” he says under his breath. “must run in the family,” you playfully retort. that gets you a firm poke at your side. “where’s everyone else?” you glance up at him. there should be two other idiots and a lovely, furry lady running around.

“tuwaine’s gone to the pub, harrison’s filming late, and tess is at mum and dad’s,” tom fills you in, grabbing your arm and draping it around his middle. doing him one better, you hug him with both. you squint in confusion about the last part. “they watch her when i’m out,” tom answers your unspoken question. “ah,” you nod, then deflate ever so slightly. “i wanted to meet her, though. the other boys, too.”

tom smooths the pad of his thumb over your cheek. “you will, darling. it’s only for tonight.” he kisses the same spot reassuringly. “we’ve got loads of time.” “yeah, we do,” you agree, instantly cheering up and letting your head fall onto his chest. “now, where’s your room?” “just upstairs. you need some help getting in?” he’s only playing around, but you accept, tightening your arms around his neck.

“show me the way,” you beam at him. “happy to.” tom wiggles his eyebrows, you jumping up. your legs wrap around his waist, his arms holding you against him. with a satisfied hum, you squish your face into his insanely soft shirt. “what a diva,” tom sarcastically complains while taking you to the staircase. “doesn’t even say please. no manners from this one.”

“you try dancing in six inch heels for two hours,” you shoot back, patting the side of his neck. he moves one hand down to your thigh for a better grip. you’re nearing the top of the stairs. “think i’ll leave that to you,” he decides and squeezes your thigh. “look at me, carrying the whole music industry.” your face easily gets hot and your words turn to murmurs. “shut up. you should listen to other songs.”

you’re on the second floor now, tom going for the first door. he frowns at his rejected compliment. “no, i like yours. they’re my favorite.” “really?” your muffled laugh sounds from his chest. “what was the first thing i ever said to you?” he asks, a toothy grin on him even though you can’t see it. you recall the faithful night he slid into your dms while he carries you into his room.

he’d tripped over his words somehow, the fangirling fool. before that, he tweeted to the whole world that he wanted to see you in concert. it was a huge thing, and people were freaking out about it, even more so when your online interactions became routine. that’s nothing compared to where you are now.

you’re currently living with him and basically dating. possibly, in love. the base of it all really is your music.

“that you love me.” you pause for the ellipses. the corners of your lips turn up. “but, you really meant to say my work.” “both apply.” tom passes that off like it’s a side comment, carefully laying you down on his bed. you look up at him with a curious glint in your eyes. “what does that mean?” his cheeks flush, and he bites back the smile that’s growing. this was supposed to go... differently.

you sit up, breathing out a laugh at tom’s boyish behavior. he’s precious, truly. “you do love me?” those three words will change everything if he says yes. he takes both your hands in his and holds them between you two. you meet his doe eyes. “yeah, y/n/n. i do.” so, you were right. “i love you... and, that wasn’t how i planned on saying it.” signaling for him to elaborate, you tilt your head to the side.

tom sits down next to and faces you before continuing. “it was supposed to be romantic, right?” he rolls his eyes up to the ceiling, annoyed he ruined this. “candlelit dinner, flowers, that sort of thing. seems more fitting for the occasion.” you shift closer to him until your knees are touching. your face is lit up, voice dropped to almost a whisper.

“since when do we do things the way we’re supposed to?” you point out and set your hands on his shoulders. “we’ve gone straight from online dating to me moving in. that’s usually not how it works.” tom chuckles lowly. his own hands find their place on your hips. you’re so good with words. then again, you are a singer. “guess you could say we’re, um, spontaneous,” he agrees, fingers drawing circles on you.

you and tom have explored some of each other’s most intimate places, yet you’ve never shared a moment quite like this. it’s like meeting him for the first time again. he’s too tongue tied to spit out what he wants. you somehow know, anyway. what you cherish most about your relationship is that you two completely and totally understand one another, on every level.

“tom?” you speak quietly, butterflies filling up your body. “hm?” he hums back. this is one of those moments where it all just clicks. “i love you. i really, really love you.” you giggle out of the pure happiness that consumes you, tom joining in your laughter. “i love you, too.” he sounds like he’s said it a million times and he’ll say it a million more. he leans over so his forehead rests on yours. “really, really love you.”

your warm breath hits his face, eyes darting from his own to his lips. “i want you to be more than...” you trail off, unsure of how to phrase it. “more than... more than a friend?” tom pokes fun at what you said during the show. there’s less and less space between you with every second. “you mean, like, a boyfriend?”

“exactly. be my boyfriend,” you all but demand. you’re half asleep and desperate to be able to call him yours already. “bossy, bossy, bossy,” tom chastises, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip. how he goes from being shy and giddy to the cockiest person alive in minutes, you’ll never know. “please?” you throw in to sway him. your hand locks with his, slowly moving it off your face.

you run your tongue over your teeth. “at least kiss me.” “you don’t have to ask,” tom breathes, lips now ghosting over yours. “i was going to.” true to his words, he closes the microscopic gap between you, you pushing forward against him as you kiss back. your first kiss in love. his lips taste like the chapstick he always uses, and he moves them softly.

he places a hand on your knee, you opening your mouth so he can have access to it. instead, a yawn exits. tom pulls back with a breathy laugh. “you must be exhausted, yeah? let’s get you to bed.” he pecks your lips once more. “my girl needs her beauty rest.” that confirms your relationship. you scrunch your nose and grin wide. “and, she’s gonna get some with her boy.”

you’re reminded of how sweaty you are when you catch a whiff. “oof, wait. do you think i can take a shower first?” you grimace, fanning at the air for emphasis. tom uses the tip of his nose to nudge yours. “absolutely. need help in there, too?” he’s not asking in that way, only so nothing happens. the hospital wouldn’t be the most pleasant place to spend your break. plus, he doesn’t want to be without you too long.

“you know what? yeah.”

that’s how you end up intertwined under the hot water, letting it cascade down your back as tom hugs you close to him. you sigh in content and tangle your fingers in his fluffed over curls. you’ve learned that he’s super into having his hair played with. it’s endearing, how he instinctively leans into your touch, eyes closing as you tug on the roots.

he drops his head down to kiss your shoulder, dragging his lips to your collarbone in a way that tickles. they land on one of your breasts next. there isn’t anything sexual about it, only loving. just in case he gets too excited because it’s not uncommon he does, you gently put a finger to his lips. tom takes the hint and lets up. you continue combing through his wet hair while you step out of the water.

“do you ever sing in the shower?” he questions, drawing your naked body in closer to his. “sometimes, yeah. i honestly feel like i sound better there,” you admit and slide your hand down to the nape of his neck. tom’s tongue darts out to lick his lips. “not true. you sound beautiful everywhere, and don’t fight me on this one.” he smirks in satisfaction, you groaning at your loss.

“i really enjoy hearing your voice when it blares through an arena, though,” tom keeps buttering you up. you shake your head and settle both arms around his neck. “man, i just love you so much.” “i love you, sweetheart,” he murmurs back, you switching places so he can give his hair a final rinse. you watch him and his glowing body, admiring the sight.

“what a sensation you are,” you say mostly to yourself, which doesn’t stop him from hearing. “i see what you did there.” he eyes you while you do the same to him. your arms still around his neck pull him back to you. “tommy? do you sing in the shower?” you meant to ask him before, then he started throwing all those compliments at you.

tom scoffs, walking you back so you’re against the wall. “i don’t sing anywhere.” “what?” you gasp and put a hand on his chest. “you’re lying, you have to be. wasn’t billy elliot a musical?” he narrows his eyes at you as he tries to gage where you’re going with this. “that i did a decade ago, and way before puberty. couldn’t sing a word without cracking after that.”

your mouth is left hanging open in shock and disappointment. you bet he has a nice voice, and he’s downplaying it. “y/n,” tom begins, cupping your jaw with his palm. “since we’re living together now, there’s a lot you’re going the learn about me. good things, weird things.” he shrugs casually. “this is one of the weird things.”

“only because you make it weird! come on, let me hear you,” you request and wrap a leg around his waist. you’re giving him a hopeful smile. “god, no. you’ll hate it,” he almost laughs, a hand on your thigh. “i’m literally a singer. how could i hate something i love?” you refute, batting your lashes at him. “especially when someone i love is doing it.” “i love you, too. but, i’m not.” he’s quick to shut you down.

“drop a bar!” you try to coax him, which he already has a comeback for. “you first.” “i can’t. my throat is all scratchy from earlier,” you lie. tom presses his lips into a line, feigning pity. “aw, you know what’ll make you feel better? tea. i’ll go get you some.” he turns to shut the water off, so you grab his shoulders. “no, the steam is working. you can stay.”

“love,” tom addresses you in a warning tone that you can’t take seriously. he can’t either, a giggle escaping him. “my voice is shit. ask anyone, and they’ll tell you.” “i won’t believe them,” you hum, pushing back curls sticking to his forehead. “sounds like you just have stage fright. we can work on that, though.” “how?” he tightens his arm around your middle.

“i’ll bring you on for my next show. we’ll do a little duet.” you’re joking, though that would definitely be interesting to see unfold. “uh, never. what happened to you being tired?” tom cleverly deflects and digs his fingers into your side. you look down in defeat. “i forgot about that.” “yeah, yeah. no, seriously. we should really get to sleep, y/n/n.” he’s back to his sweet, attentive self. “‘s been a long night.”

giving in with a nod, you capture his lips in yet another kiss. tom never gets tired of them, and neither do you. you break it after a few seconds, lips lingering on his as they detach. “carry me?” you ask again, not caring how whiny you sound. tom presses a quick kiss to your forehead. “oh, you’re adorable. of course.”

well, you’ve found something to keep you occupied until the next leg of tour. you’re going to discover the many layers your intriguingly unusual boyfriend has.

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland au #tom holland smut #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x singer!reader #tom holland request #peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker x reader

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mrkcore · 3 years

Text

𝐄𝐏 𝟏: 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐓 - 𝐥.𝐡𝐜

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: lee donghyuck x fem!reader

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: college!au (cs - computer science major haechan, psychology major y/n)

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, slight angst

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬): suggestive innuendo(s), infidelity, drinking

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.2k

𝐚/𝐧: the first chapter of the and they were roommates! series :D send in an ask or comment here to be added to the taglist! (sorry for the delay, i have been really unproductive so uh, yeah)

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭

you’ve been stuck with haechan for about a month. you’ve successfully avoided him for the majority of the time, he’s still a bit flirty, but he’s been pretty quiet too.

except for when he streams. did he mention that he was a streamer? unfortunately no, you had to find out the hard way.

“haechan, can you fucking tone it down?” you storm into his room after enduring half an hour of his screaming on a thursday night. “i have an essay due tomorrow and it’s 30 percent of my mar-”

you see a professional looking mic, webcam, and another monitor with what seems like comments flowing in constantly on the screen.

“oh…” you trail off taking in all the equipment in front of you as haechan looks up at you.

“oh hey, sorry about that, jeno and renjun were being noobs and i needed to teach them a lesson, chat knows. i’ll keep it down, sorry.” he turns back to his game in front of him, completely unbothered.

“yeah.. uh sorry for barging in, thanks.” you say quickly and dash out his room, hearing the other voices from his headset laugh.

your face is hot, and you feel so embarrassed.

anyways, lesson learned.

a few days later, you were complaining to your friend about haechan on a zoom call–as usual.

this time, however, she needed to spill the tea about her thoughts.

“ma’am, what is this tension,” she jokes. “i can feel it from miles away.”

“hey!” you snap back. “need i remind you that i have a boyfriend? and haechan? ew no, he gets on my nerves too much for that.”

“oh right, your boyfriend.” she rolls her eyes. “i think you need to visit him, you’re so uptight all the time, i’m gonna get wrinkles if you keep complaining to me about shit.”

“oh right, restrictions have been slightly lifted, i can probably go visit him.” you remember reading about it in the news.

“yep, go.” your friend sips on her iced coffee and you laugh.

the next day, you go through with your plan to go visit your boyfriend.

all prepped and ready and you were going to walk out the door before you hear haechan coming out his room.

“oh, good morning, i’ll be out for a bit, maybe the whole day.” you say to him.

“good morning.” he yawns. “look at you all dolled up and pretty, where you going?” he smirks as you roll your eyes.

“visiting my boyfriend,” you scowl out. “now if you’ll excuse me, i better get going.”

“oh great, hope you enjoy your time with him.” he smiles and you think he’s going to be nice for once. “don’t forget protection.”

you groan. of course he had to ruin it.

“thanks haechan.” you yell behind you as you walk out the door.

it takes around 1 hour to drive to your boyfriend’s university, and an additional 10 minutes to his apartment, and you’re giddy the whole time.

you’ve missed human interaction.

and no, lee haechan does not count.

you’ve missed the warmth and fuzzy feeling of an embrace, of having someone’s arms around you, protecting you from the outside world.

you couldn’t wait to get cuddles.

hopefully your boyfriend likes this surprise.

gleefully walking into the building, pressing in the password to his apartment complex. completely missing the creaking coming from his room, but as you entered, you hear the voice of another person, who was definitely not your boyfriend.

you stomp right up to the door, and push it open.

there’s two people in the bed, and your eyes glower at your boyfriend.

“what?” the girl screams, scrambling to cover herself.

“babe?” your boyfriend is frozen on the spot as the girl looks at him as if he just said the most bizarre thing ever.

“babe?” she seems angry now. “you said you were single? what the fuck?”

“yeah, i think he lied to you.” you say coldly. “do you have anything to confess, ‘babe’?”

“you’re a douche, what the fuck.” she gets up and gets dressed. “i’m so sorry, he told me he was available, i would literally never agree to sleep with anyone who’s taken.”

“yeah, it’s okay.” you say, kind of relieved, and the two stare are you like you’re an alien. “at least now i know what type of person i was dating.”

and you turn to walk out.

“wait, babe please.” your ex tries to run after you. “y/n, let me explain.”

“no need to, we’re over.” you turn to say. “you need a ride?” you ask the girl.

“yeah sure.” she says. “don’t call me.”

“babe please, can we talk this out?”

you couldn’t believe it. you drove 1 hour to see him and he has the audacity to pull this shit and expect you to just easily forgive? nope, lesson learned.

pfft, and he said long distance would work.

“no we can’t, now if you’ll excuse us, we have somewhere else to be.” you grab the girls arm and walk out the door, slamming it in front of your ex’s face before he can catch up.

“do you have any plans for the rest of today?” you ask the girl after entering your car. she shakes her head while you smile. “great, any bar or night club recommendations you have?”

“uhh, bar then nightclub?” she suggests.

“i like the way you think.” you giggle. “i’m y/n btw.”

“yina.” she smiles back at you as you pull out of the parking lot.

a few hours later, and way too many drinks in, you’re at a table with yina, spilling your deepest secrets about your relationship with your ex.

“can you believe he made me wash his socks?” you take a sip before continuing. “and with my hands too!”

“what? that’s disgusting!” she listens to you rant in disbelief.

“yeah, he said that his socks were precious and the washing machine was too harsh on the cotton or some crap.” you snicker as you recall the other stupid stuff he told you. “ah the shit i did for love.”

“men are trash,” yina says. “cheers to that.” and you both down the rest of what’s left of your drink.

fast forward another 2 hours, you’re wasted. absolutely wasted.

yina held you back a little bit, but its no use. you needed this.

“y/n, it’s like 11 pm, you’re drunk, i’m barely sober, i think we should call someone to come and get us.” yina tries to reason with you while you shake your head.

finally after 10 minutes of bickering, you finally agree.

“here’s my phone, you can call anyone.” you rest your head on your folded hands after handing her your unlocked phone. “anyone but haechan.” you start to doze off. “anyone but haechan…”

“hbbhng” you jolt up, feeling the warmth of your own bed.

how did you get back home?

groaning, you feel your headache. you feel the vomit coming up your throat as you gag.

you almost fall trying to get out of your covers.

“woah there, be careful.” haechan is suddenly barging into your room, holding onto you so you don’t fall on your face, guiding you to your bathroom.

you’re too nauseous to wonder why he’s even helping you or even bother screaming at him like usual.

he pats your back soothingly as you vomit into the toilet.

“there you go, that’s it. i’ve got you.” he reassures you.

“what are you even doing helping me?” you’ve washed up and downed some water, you’re 100% sober now.

“wow,” haechan chuckles, rolling his eyes. “after saving your ass last night, this is the thank you i get?”

“what do you mean you saved me?” you’re genuinely confused by what he means.

“this yina girl called me from your phone, telling me that you’re blacked out drunk in a nightclub at 11:32 PM, on a saturday. asking me to come and get you.” he says, matter-of-factly. “i call a cab, get to the nightclub, haul your ass out the club, drive yina back home, and then us. where during our commute back, you wake up, start crying, and when we get home, you’re bawling about how your boyfriend cheated and you were a dumbass for thinking he would change. remember now?”

you’re in shock.

yina called haechan? you remember clearly that you told her not to, this is so embarrassing. you even cried about your ex to him? oh dear lord you wanted to crawl back into your room into a deep pit and never come out.

haechan must’ve noticed your distressed expression because his face turns softer.

“hey hey hey, sorry, that was a bit mean. you just got out of a relationship, that was really inappropriate of me and i do not blame you for wanting to relax a bit.” he tries to comfort you once again. you’re in even more shock by his words. “honestly, me driving you back home, and taking care of you was the least i could do. it would have been so mean if i just left you guys there.”

you wanted to burst out into tears.

this is the nicest thing you’ve heard in about 6 months.

unfortunately, haechan doesn’t know that.

“oh gosh, jheez, i’m not helping aren’t i.” he’s panicked by your emotional state. “uhm, to make it up to you, i’ll watch one of those scary movies with you?”

your tears instantly are sucked back into your eyes in excitement.

“really?” you ask, just making sure.

“yep, ahaha.” he laughs nervously, but happy to see your mood lighten up.

“you free tonight?” bouncing up and down practically.

“yeah…” haechan is a bit scared. “aren’t you going a bit too fast though, princess? you jut got out of a relationship.”

you gasp and slap him in the arm.

“okay okay! that was a joke. yeah i’m free, i have an essay due, but i’ll be done by 6.” haechan says.

“sounds good!” you b-line for the kitchen, your stomach is completely empty. “see you then haechan!”

oh how haechan regrets his offer.

6 o’clock rolls by, and you choose “the shining” to watch with haechan. anticipating the terror it would bring him.

and you were right.

every jumpscare, even the smallest sounds, haechan would screech in fright. the last straw for him was the knock on your door.

“AHHHH!” he screams, almost knocking the popcorn out of your hands.

“calm down, dude.” you say, standing up to open the door.

to the unfortunate sight of your ex.

“y/n?” he says, softly.

“what are you doing here? how did you find out where i lived?” you were very sure you never gave him your dorm address.

“your friend gave it to me,” the eye bags he has are very evident. “listen, can we talk?”

“no?” haechan suddenly butts into the conversation. “you literally cheated on her, she doesn’t owe you anything.”

“who are you? her rebound?” your ex frowns.

“her roommate, and if you even bothered to keep up with y/n, you’d know.” haechan returns the frown.

“it’s between me and y/n, you have no business telling us what to do.” your ex is getting more aggressive now.

“that’s funny, i was the one who was called to drive her home while she was out drunk, i was the one who listened to her talk about how she regretted believing you again, i was the one who held her hair back when she was vomiting this morning from her hangover.” haechan again returns the energy. “you tried to contact her, but she blocked your number and you had to get her address from her friend. you never even cared to ask her beforehand, and now you wanna try and show up to seem like you care? bullshit. now if you’ll excuse us now, we have a movie to finish.” he slams the door in his face and haechan surprises you for the millionth time today.

your ex bangs on the door for about 3 minutes before giving up, and you guys sit in silence as the movie still plays.

“hey haechan.” you try and start.

“AHHH!” he screams again, scaring you this time.

“JHEEZ BRO I WAS TRYING TO START A CONVO, CHILL OUT.” you scream back.

“okay, i’m fine, yeah sorry, continue.” haechan pants out.

“thanks for that.” you say, genuinely. “not even joking, you didn’t have to do that.”

“well i did, because that dude was a douche. literally having the guts to come over here and try and ask for forgiveness after he cheats. unbelievable.”

“yeah.” you fiddle with your fingers anxiously.

“i like this side of you,” haechan breaks the awkwardness. “you’re usually uptight, little-miss-perfect, and cranky, so i like this raw side of you.”

“mhm, i realized that now. sorry for being such a bitch.” you admit.

“no, i honestly deserve it. but i hope we can be friends now, it would be great to have real conversations with someone, you know?” he says.

“seriously?” you hit him in the chest as he chuckles.

“i’m joking! i swear. but seriously, friends?” he asks.

“yeah, friends.”

and that’s where it started.

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moxfirefly · 3 years

Text

Nobody necessarily asked for these but it’s been a meh few days and I figured I’d write some shit to keep busy (a little stuck on request but a bih is managing)

So I give you, some random headcanons for the guys

Michelangelo

I like to think that this orange lad while the fun type of bf that has you in stitches nearly every minute, has his serious moments

Similar to Don he’s painfully aware that he isn’t normal and while he can be somewhat vain that boy has got some self conscious thoughts running through him all day. Especially with his s/o

That gives way to some depressive episodes 🥺 (hug him pls)

He’s the second best cook of the four (Raph being 1st place) but he’s the best baker though.

Loves being competitive in games with Raph but enjoys playing co-op more with Donnie

The only time you can catch him really concentrating is when he draws. Boy really gets lost in it. Goes without mentioning, yes he draws his s/o and has gifted them some pretty dope ass pieces

Heaviest sleeper, a bomb can go off. You’ve often almost violently shake him which leads to Grumpy Groggy Mikey™️ and he complains cause on the random days he manages to be up before you boy wakes you up super soft and sweetly

Besides Donnie he’s got seniority when it comes to picking the playlist they use for doing chores.

As I’ve stated and will die on that hill: Touch is his love language. He still likes to snuggle up to his bros or give them hugs. He’s basically attached to the hip with his s/o.

Fancies himself a bit of a style icon

He remembers perfectly the firsts: first kiss, first time, first fight, first makeup, first everything

Him and Raph are the dynamic duo but Mikey loves being coddled by Leo because big brother and littlest brother™️

But he feels most comfortable talking about unusual or somewhat embarrasing things with Donnie cause he always hits him with the “yes it’s perfectly normal because *long winded biology esplanation*”

Doesn’t like to cry in front of his brother but breaks apart with Splinter

He Loves™️ the sound of his name when it comes out of his s/o’s mouth. In every sense of the word, angry, happy, surprised, lustful etc

Donatello

Being a genius has its perks but man can it have its downsides.

He’s just ridiculously aware and that leads to many thoughts and those thoughts can turn very negative

He gets depressed pretty easily but he’s got that Keep on Keep Going attitude towards it. His s/o can catch on pretty quickly and there’s a struggle to reach him when his head is too clouded.

He is the Fix It type in all sense of the words. So he’s the bf that will listen to your problems and he’ll try and find a way around it to help you or at least give out a better point of view.

Which means he’s a great listener, like seriously he loves talking and he rambles but he loves when you do too

Loves to be caressed honestly. If his s/o runs a hand down his arms or thigh, if they caress his cheek or run a thumb across his lips.

He reads all manner of things tbh, from repair manuals to romance novels

Goes without saying, gamer boi. He loves doing mods, always wants to play on expert mode, smart sarcastic burns when he’s playing online and somebody is being an insensitive prick

He’s actually a really good sexter. He’s nervous physically cause self image issues but with reassurance etc he gets lowkey cocky

No necessarily the best cook but he’s not bad either. He does like to make you breakfast in bed.

Serotonin hiiiiigh when they bring him coffee

He loves late night drives, usually takes a Raph with him but once he gets his s/o it’s the two of you driving around New York. One some ocassions Raph tags along too

While they get along pretty good, him and Leo can butt heads a lot. It’s not a dick measuring contest like Leo and Raph. They just argue and Donnie gets a smart mouth and Leo well he can be a dick.

Regardless they make up pretty fast.

Leonardo

He’s got a smidge of OCD. He’s very particular of keeping things in a particular order that he knows and nobody really understands but it makes him happy.

Expert folder of clothing so everyone rejoices when it’s his turn to do laundry cause that mofo does some orgami like shit to everyone’s boxers

He reminds everyone to eat fruit and veggies, can’t be pizza every night

Yes he can be a hardass but he’s honestly an absolute softie with those he loves. He’s very attentive with everyone’s needs, especially Splinter

Rooftop star gazing, he likes to decompress and sometimes that means going somewhere by himself. When coupled up he loves doing this with his s/o and it’s a nice way to get some time to themselves

Listen Leo is boyfriend material, he’s husband material. It’s stupid how perfect he is when it comes to being someone’s partner. He remembers the little things like really dumb things that always guts his s/o.

He’s thought about if anything were to happen to him he’d want Raph to step up. Even if they argue and bicker and fight he knows Raph would set the world on fire if it meant protecting his loved ones.

Is learning Japanese and he so wants to see it someday. Has gotten pretty good at speaking it but reading it is still a little hard.

Has snuck into a flower shop after hours to get you a bouquet, it’s cool he leaves the money on the counter

When Casey and April had their first Big Fight™️ and she showed up and started bawling, everyone thought Raph was gonna end Casey but in reality it was Leo, that boy was seething if Donnie hadn’t played mediator it was gonna be ugly

Leo hates to see somebody he loves cry cause somebody was just being an ass

He loves game night and movie night

While he takes his leader duties seriously this boy will sleep away a day away. He’s tired af get him a blanket pls.

Raphael

Grumpy boi lives to exercise and lift weights but he does have other things he enjoys. He loves sneaking out an making his away around the city from rooftop to rooftop

As stated, best cook in the fam. This man takes pride in that. So as his s/o trust me you’re gonna be well fed

Although he will never admit he can’t fall a sleep without you like once y’all start dating and sleeping over he needs you there.

Mikey gets on his last nerve but Christ if anyone messes with him. Raph is ripping their necks. That’s his boy, he’ll always protect him, which is why whenever Leo starts going on Dad Mode he always sides with his little bro.

Sure he’s got his anger issues but honestly he’s probably one of the most sentimental of his brothers. So yeah cry angry but he’s just a ball of emotions and he doesn’t know how to manage them sometimes but he’s trying

He’s protective of Mikey but lord is he protective of April. Like honestly he gave Casey the big brother ‘if you break her heart I’m breaking ya neck’ speech and he fucking means it

Also, he’s really close with April. Those two are always talking and goofing about. He sees her as that little sister (or more so big sister) and he likes having a sister.

He’s super close with Donnie, they’ve often felt like outcast in their own ways. Raph likes helping out, he’s pretty handy.

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt leo #tmnt Donnie #tmnt Mikey #tmnt Raph #Leonardo #Raphael #Michelangelo #Donatello #headcanons #I was bored

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everafterkeiji · 3 years

Text

Song: Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

Summary: Hanamaki finally seals your fate by proposing to you- with a crappy ring that is.

Pairings: Takahiro Hanamaki x fem! reader

Word count: 6.9k

Genre: absolute fluff and crack, curse words

A/N: not me screaming when i had this idea, I've never felt more single in my life- brb bawling my eyes out- also let's pretend their in the same classes✋

Well, fate isn't something to be entirely trusted upon and neither should Hanamaki.

"Aw, shit."

He cusses when you bump into him, considering his incredibly tall figure, you were caught off guard on who you even crashed into. A small clink sound lands on the floor as you immediately face the boy who was looking at the ground, quite weirdly searching his pockets.

"Sorry- wait you're Hanamaki right?" You asked him, familiar with his hair color. You've seen him play countless of times due to the support of the school for each of their games yet you've never been this close with him. With his state, you immediately question what's got him so frantic.

He eyes the pen that was dead on the floor and he pouts before crouching down to reach it before he dusts off the dirt on it. He opens the cap of it before mindlessly writing on his hand and frowning even more when the ink didn't held its usual consistency- every stroke of a word had it loosing its pigment.

"Man, 'Kawas gonna kill me." He sighs before putting his hands and pen in his pocket as he looks at you surprised. How can he dismiss that he'd bump into you? He immediately bows in a way to apologize to you, completely forgetting that you were the one to hit him.

You knew he was pertaining to the well known setter but you were solely confused in what he was so worried about. Looking at the pen in his pocket, you saw how the ink was full but there were black spillage in the inside. You raise your eyebrow in confusion.

Did he just drop a new pen?

"I'm sorry I dropped your pen- I can let you borrow mine." You propose to him as he takes the pen in his hands admiring it like a wound in someone's arm. Seeing how you were scrambling in your bag to reach for your pencil case, his eyes sparkled at how it contained numerous pens, highlighters and mechanical pencils.

"Looking at the murder you caused, I'm simply asking for more than one pen then."

You tilt your head in curiosity but instead you opened your pencil case as he digs his hand in there picking three pens making you want to scoff at how he picked the gel pens that were your favorite. He looked at each one, writing on his palm if everything was working. He raises an eyebrow at you making you question if this was a fever dream because of how random it was- he acted like he was in a stationary section and it benefitted him that this particular section was free.

He then takes your hand causing you to internally yelp at his actions. Your eyes trail to what he was writing, you noticed it was his name instead. You look up at him as he smiled. Once he finishes writing, he extends his hand out while with the other hand held a pen ready for you to take.

"What's your name?" He asks processing on your features and asking himself why he's seen you dozens of times yet he's yet to get your name.

"Y/N." You say as he gestures for his hand as if telling you to write it. Somewhat following your instincts, you write your name on his hand. After it, he peeks the spelling of it and then casually shakes your hand as introduction.

"See you around, Y/N! You saved my ass with those pens so I guess I owe you one."

"Those are expensive."

"Now hold on there-"

That was how you met and the universe couldn't even joke about how they put you two together.

Now here you two are, invested in a stare off as Matsukawas sleepy eyes often switch his gaze between you and his best friend.

"Makki, it's in a week."

"I specifically remember it's the week after that."

"You two are hopeless." Issei comments making you laugh as Makki pouts at how you agreed with him. Nevertheless, Matsukawa leans his head on his arm ready to fall asleep at any moment. You return to arranging your notes while Makki twirls a pen in his hands while glancing at you once in a while.

Truth be told, it seems that fate still worked its way to the both of you. Ever since your-rather unique- encounter, a friendship was bound to happen. He surely made an impression on you and how could you miss to not be around him? Soon enough, you were also introduced to his teammates and you disliked how it strengthened your bond with him. There was comfort in his presence and to see him fool around with his teammates always radiated an amazing energy between you and him.

You also wanted to thank Oikawa for being somewhat the reason your conversation led to where you are now.

"What'd the pen do to make you this- scared?" You asked as he puts both hands behind his head, leaning on the seat.

"It's a scary pen when it belongs to Oikawa." You turn to him confused as you rest your chin on the palm of your hand, ears perking up at how interesting it was.

"You're telling me you don't own a single pen and you always borrow Oikawas?" He scoffs with a smile before looking at you.

"Of course I bring pens, it's just better if it was from him." You let out a loud laugh, finding it hard to believe this was the sole reason Oikawa would commit murder on him. Hanamaki smiles at the sound of your laugh before shaking his head, at awe at the situation.

It was a coincidence how Oikawa always found a way to strike a nerve to Hanamaki when you visit them in the gym. He knew that beyond his teammates calm composure was a boy who undoubtedly likes you. Ever since Hanamaki returned the pen to him, he knew it wasn't his and in his mind, he asked himself who could've lent him a pen, more so that he had three brand new ones.

So when he sees you tagging beside him, he's taken his first lead to figure the two of you out. After a few more observations, he's convinced that you two were just blind to the feelings that were lingering around.

He's told Iwaizumi about it but all he got was a lecture on how he should let Hanamaki take it easy with asking you out. Which he also argued since it was taking too long, making Iwaizumi land him a smack to the head.

He had his boundaries, maybe not for himself, but for his friends he was more than willing to wait for this relationship to come together.

"So- a date? That's cool right? I mean arcades and shit."

"Makki, you're a loser."

"Arcades are awesome shut up."

"Yeah, for sure. Like Y/N is interested in 'arcades and shit'." Mattsun chuckles as Hanamaki lets out another pout as he sinks in his bed.

"I mean- we've gone on hang outs, she likes them anyway!" He argues making Mattsun shake his head with an amused smirk on his lips.

"So you're telling me you've actually had dates with her then?" Issei asks as Hanamaki shrugs making the other boy groan at the lack of response. Hanamaki raises his head, pursing his lips at the actual thought.

You have actually gone on multiple dates with him. If you could even call it that. To Makki, he thought they were just subtle friendly things but he realizes how he's actually grown some fondness in each place.

"Y/N no I'm telling you- if I were the mastermind, we'd be successful." He argues before taking a sip from his drink. You rolled your eyes as you let your mind ran through the scenarios of having a heist with him and the boys.

You two just finished a heist movie and now you had to endure Makkis fantasies of how it would go down if the characters were him and the rest of the volleyball team. He was so invested in it that you actually had an entire plot and characterization for each teammate.

He argued that he'd be the best mastermind to ever conjure a plan for a heist. A stealthy ninja is what he says he mimics. You tried to argue that Iwaizumi would be good at it, since you noticed how responsible and at control he was but it had Hanamaki listing his reasons.

"No one would ever notice me! Because you know what- their attention would be on Oikawa! Then boom, get in the getaway car with a shit ton of money and thanks to who? Me of course." You let out a laugh making him stop his occupied thoughts to take a look at you. He adores the sound of it too much, especially since he was the usual cause of it. He sees the way you were wiping your eyes with the scenarios he'd told you.

Then your laughter slowly fades when you started to eat again as Makki admires you and how you've effortlessly got his mind to set more dates just to see you this happy.

You look up from your previous position, looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Wait, where am I in the heist then?"

He looks at you, almost blurting out the initial idea he had for you in this specific role.

Honestly, I'd spend the money on you. Take you anywhere you wanted to go, Y/N.

That was what he wanted to say but his mouth translated it to a different saying.

"You could die-"

"Makki!" You shouted playfully, ruffling his hair. He laughs but unknowingly, his hand lands on top of yours when you sat back down.

"Excuse you, I can be a good distraction and assistance for action." You commented making him scoff.

"Yeah like you'd be able to hold a gun for a second."

"Please, I had Oikawa beg me to delete a photo of him."

"Okay maybe you are powerful."

You laughed once again, not even feeling how right it was for you to be holding hands like this. It felt comforting yet it brought your heart to speed up like it was in a marathon. You wondered if Makki felt the same, or was this another act of friendliness?

"I wouldn't want you to get hurt though." He whispers, making you smile and blush at the same time. As if it was another point on the score board for how many times he's had your heart go on a frenzy.

"Well, that's what the great mastermind is for right? To keep us safe and succeed?" You say, making him give a gentle squeeze to your hand, as you glanced down on them enjoying the way it looked.

As if I'm gonna let anyone lay a hand on you, Y/N. You're safe with me always.

After a few sly times where he'd hold your hand while you crossed the street or even tugging on your jacket when passing through a huge crowd so he doesn't lose you, he's realized he would absolutely drop the stars for you. He doesn't know whether he should feel terrified because of how he could put your friendship at risk but then he feels- almost relieved that the first person he could ever love is you.

It shouldn't even be difficult to ask you to hang out. You'd usually respond a second after he asks you, it's not even that big of a deal.

Now it's different.

He's finally gotten a clutch on his feelings and he thinks about his next moves. He often just let things happen, loving the way the moments just flowed naturally and perfect in some way but now he's choosing his words since he didn't plan on confessing in such a dorky way- especially when he just says it out loud without proper practice.

"Why don't you ask Oikawa for help then?" Issei suggests making the boy shake his head at the thought already.

"Do you know how much blackmail that idea comes with? He'll never live it down." Hanamaki says as he scrolled through his phone, almost frowning at the thought of humiliation coming from their captain.

"C'mon! He knows a lot of shit about flirting and dates! Maybe even help you in confessing, idiot."

He thinks about that deeply. Each member of the team would have completely diverse answers. As of the mean time, the only proper suggestions he'd get is from Iwaizumi, Oikawa and Mattsun. Though Mattsun has given him plenty of advices, he knew Oikawa was at the top for someone's idea of romance. The man has fangirls, he's obviously heard and experienced many hopeless romantic scenes in his life.

Iwaizumi would've actually been a lot of help knowing the guy is very good at maintaining control and responsibility. He'd give the proper date ideas, the mood to set. He looked like the perfect blueprint for Hanamaki to copy. He also believed that Iwaizumi would think nothing of these advices so it's a win-win if you ask him.

"Right, okay. I got this."

"Why me though?" Iwaizumi asks as Hanamaki spikes another ball.

"Look Iwa- I genuinely trust your judgment more. I just need help." Iwaizumi chuckles before collecting another ball.

"Fine fine. Just meet me after practice."

Hanamaki cheers when he hears him, even smiling now that he can figure out a way to show you how much he likes you.

Sure, he's doing it unintentionally sometimes. Tiny signs that should show you how he is absolutely in love with you. He'd show this in various ways as well. It comes as an instinct in some way. He'd hit you with a "let's have lunch" and you'd gladly accept. Mattsun has pointed out that Makki has already made a move on you countless of times but it had Makki questioning the depths of being friendly and going through courting you.

You haven't even made things official yet these so-called dates had your classmates wondering how your relationship started, even if it hasn't. Makki would always lean his head on your shoulder during lunch, to rest his brain from the lessons. For you, it's nothing. Makki has always been like this after you got comfortable with each other. This affectionate side of him even had Mattsun wonder why on Earth would he ask for help when he clearly doesn't need it.

The three of you are now seated in a lecture, boredom crossing your minds but Mattsun's mind was rattled by Hanamaki. After their conversation about asking help from Oikawa, he thought that Makki would actually go through the plan. Looking back on his motives with you, he just doesn't see a reason why he needs assistance from the setter. He can handle this all on his own, so scribbling down on a piece of paper, he throws it to Hanamaki who awakens by the action.

Hanamaki yawns as he opens the crumpled paper, his eyes widening and cheeks heating at the group of words.

'You can literally just confess to her now, even without shittykawa.'

He glares at Mattsun while the other boy shrugs with an expression that says "seriously, it's not that deep." He huffs before grabbing a pen and replying to his previous statement, then throwing it again.

'Try confessing to the girl you like during a lecture, Sherlock.'

Mattsun chuckles as Makki crosses his arms in front of his chest. His eyes land on you, who is fixated on the lecture. He smiles softly at the idea of a date with you, but this faint moment was ruined when Mattsun directly throws the ball of paper to Hanamakis face, earning a chuckle from some of his classmates.

He opens with eyebrows furrowed, annoyed at the shot.

'Not now dumbass, after classes. Just go up to her and say you like her, it's that easy dude.'

Hanamaki turns to him mocking his words while Mattsun rolls his eyes as Makki writes again. As he was about to throw the paper in Mattsuns direction, a student raised their hand hitting the paper and it suddenly landed on the floor beside you instead. The boys had their eyes widen as you saw the paper.

In a flash, Hanamaki picks up the piece of paper before you could grab a hold of it and you let out a gasp when he suddenly appeared in front of you. You blinked at him as he slowly walked away, wide eyed, to avoid conflict with the teacher.

You and Mattsun share a look together as you looked away, utterly speechless at what just happened. When you looked away, Mattsun hides his laughter by stuffing his face in his arm as Makkis cheeks never grew out of its red shade.

Meanwhile, Mattsun finally held a memory that he can never forget.

"It's not a big deal. You guys have been friends for so long. I don't think Y/N would mind." Iwaizumi comments making Hanamaki silent.

Can you really feel the same way?

A year of knowing you- should that be enough to fall in this deep? Is there even a requirement before someone can confess? Because in a span of time knowing you, there wasn't a moment where he regretted anything. He could thank the universe for one stupid pen, maybe even Oikawa. Everything that led to where you are now, he's never been more contented in his life.

During movies, your favorite spot was to lean your head on his shoulder. To just sling your arm around his waist on the way home, holding his hand while walking through crowds, it just fits. No matter where you were, what you were doing with him, it seemed like there wasn't an extra space in the puzzle pieces, it all connected.

But you two couldn't figure it out for yourselves.

"Well, does every confession need some sort of grand gesture?" He asks Iwaizumi. The ace bites his lips before kicking a rock on the path he was walking on.

"I don't really know. What does Y/N like anyway?"

"Hopefully me." Hanamaki jokes, but he deeply wanted it to be real. He figures if all of this asking for help was going to guarantee him something good, better yet, a yes from your lips. But first, he had to answer Iwaizumis question.

"She likes simple things- you know how she likes it when I like hold her stuff and all? She also likes those weird food thingys at one date-or hang out we had- you know that scent that reminds you of a romance movie-"

"Makki, you know her this well and you're nervous for nothing. I'm sure that she'll love whatever you do- you're friends for a reason." Iwaizumi says making Hanamaki sigh, hearing those words again.

"Exactly! That's the problem. Fuck- I can't even act like I don't like her. Am I being too obvious or friendly? I don't know where the line ends or starts. I shouldn't get nervous cause it's her- she doesn't care what I do- she's happy with whatever but I just want it to be.. perfect." He rants and ends it with a tired sigh. God, he was getting frustrated. At this point his feelings were overwhelming him, he just needed an outlet for it.

He can't just act like the sight of your smile doesn't make him smile as well, or even just seeing your sleepy state when you walk into class. If his heart didn't flutter whenever you were around, maybe by then you couldn't call it admiration but he just fell and there wasn't a way to stop him.

He didn't wanna stop either.

"Mattsun." You say as Mattsun lets out another laugh as you roll your eyes. It was after practice and since Takahiro couldn't walk you home because he told you he had to talk to Iwaizumi about something, Issei was the one to walk you home.

"This is gold." He states making you shove him a bit. He smiles when he sees you pout. This is where he decides. He could literally say how Hanamaki was asking him for advices like you are right now, but a side of him just wants to see what Makki could do. It was all too funny for him, even if hated how oblivious you two were.

If Hanamaki was falling for you with each day, you did the same. It was inescapable. You met him during second year and the fact that he had you tugging on your heart strings, it was something you can't ignore.

"What exactly are you doing?"

"I'm studying, 'Hiro. What's up?" You asked him as he raised an eyebrow at you. You stopped writing to look at him fully.

"We're at a mall." He states like you didn't know. It was bizarre to go to a mall cafe and your purpose was to study when you were with the spontaneous Hanamaki. That's on you for getting distracted on your strict teachers subject.

"Yes, Makki. I know that." He lets out a pft then takes the notebook of yours, closing it. Even putting on the caps of your pens and placing them back in your pen pouch. He also grabs your bag and placing all of those items inside.

You didn't stop him though. You've had enough with 'studying either way'. You'd die if saw how you weren't even taking notes, you were actually writing about how beautiful his eyes were. You were just purely lucky that he didn't care what you were writing because he thought it was about school.

"Happy now?" You asked him as he nods with a childish grin.

"Super. Let's go, cutie." Your eyes widened with his statement so you turn your head away to sling the backpack on your shoulder but he stops you before you could.

He removes his hoodie and hands it to you, making you stare at him.

"What for?"

"It's hot- well duh it's cold, Y/N. C'mon I wanna go to cinema. " He says nonchalantly as you take the hoodie and wear it. What causes you to stop midway was when he pulled down your blouse to prevent it from rising up when you wore his jacket. After placing your arms in, you blushed at minimal gesture.

It made Hanamaki let out a cough, when he did it like a reflex, not even thinking about it.

"Cutie huh?" You teased making him roll his eyes, though he was thankful that you broke the silence.

"Yeah no shut it."

There were many more memories that could list out why you liked him but maybe they just held the same reason.

"Leave him a note then if you can't say it in person." Mattsun suggests, even though he wishes he could've said something else. He doesn't know if that was a good suggestion or not. This could ruin whatever Makki was planning on doing. He should ask him about his plan later on so he can tell you what not to do in order for his best friend to succeed.

You reached the front of your house as you gave Issei a hug, to thank him. He pats your hair as your pull away from him.

"Hey, you've got this. It's you and Makki." He says smiling, assuring you. You nod at him as you sent a wave, him doing the same then walking away.

When you entered your room, your phone rang. Seeing Makkis name light up your room had you answering it in a heartbeat.

"Makki, what's up?"

"Hey, I just called to say I'm sorry I couldn't walk you home today. " He says running his fingers through his hair. He did want to walk with you but he trusted Mattsun. He couldn't waste the time Iwaizumi gave him for advice.

"It's fine, 'Hiro. Mattsun and I are fine." He smiles at what you said, while you left your phone on the nightstand you decided to change out of your uniform. While Makki decides on what to say next.

"Hey Y/N?" He calls for you, once you were done dressing up, you took the phone lying down on your bed.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna go out, for real this time?"

"I'm gonna go sleep." He says, biting his tongue, despising how he couldn't say it. He hears you yawn on the other end of the line.

"That's a lie but night Makki Makki!" You said chuckling as his ears turned red at the nickname. He shakes his head with a smile.

"Goodnight, dumbie."

"Hey! I called you a decent nickname."

"Wow okay then. Goodnight, princess."

Hold up, he said what?

I said that?

He quickly ends the call before you could let out a comment on what he just said. A wave of panic rushes to him not knowing your reaction. You covered your face with the pillows the surrounded you, letting out a frustrated scream.

Fuck.

The morning comes and Hanamakis heart was racing like he going to attend a deadly match but in reality he was just going to confess. He's set all the things that he needed for today, mostly the materials but he himself wasn't nearly as ready.

He's going to wear a uniform. How the fuck do you make that look presentable and polished? Should he wear a new hoodie for you to wear afterwards? Just- how?

He's been staring at himself for too long then he hears his parents call for him saying that Mattsukawa was at his front porch. He sighs before grabbing his bag and heading out of his room.

"So you ready?" Issei asks as Hanamaki shrugs. He wanted it to end right away but then again he wants things to slow down while he sees your reaction when does it.

"Fuck no. Iwaizumi helped me with a few things, he said something about gifts so I searched for some." Mattsukawa nods, as he thinks about what you were up to. Can it actually happen now? The two idiots would finally have the guts to confess on the same day?

"Honestly, this will be very entertaining. What time?"

"I was thinking kind of like after school." He says making Mattsukawa agree with him. It benefits the both of you. Never in a rush to admit, it could also give Makki some time to accomplish some of his plans.

"Do you think it'll go ok?" Hanamaki asks, almost nervous for his answer. Mattsukawa only smiles, knowing the possible ending.

"Yeah."

Betrayer. Oikawa thinks.

He lets out a pout of annoyance and when he spots you, he immediately walks over to you before Hanamaki could.

"Morning Oikawa! Have you seen-"

"Y/N-chan! I'll walk you to class today!" He says sweetly making you question in what was going on. He sees you peer your head over his shoulder, looking for Hanamaki which made him scoot a bit so your vision was blocked. Realizing that Hanamaki probably hasn't arrived yet, you shrugged.

"Okay, Tooru."

As Oikawa slings his arm around your shoulder, he could feel Takahiros stare as he walked with you. Even Iwaizumi had to double take on what he just saw.

"What's with him?" Hanamaki asks, feeling a slight burn in his heart when he sees you laughing with the pretty setter.

"I don't know, maybe he's just bugging her." Iwaizumi comments, making Makki roll his eyes. Mattsun takes notice of his behavior and lets out a chuckle.

"Aww, seriously. It's Oikawa! He's not going to steal your girl." Hanamaki blushes at his words and the boys eye his reaction, making them laugh at the change. Makki rolls his eyes before letting out a sigh, an act as if to reassure himself that things would go according to plan.

When Makki enters the room and meets your eyes, you already flash him a smile gesturing for him to seat with them. Oikawa sends a glare in his way making Mattsun lazily raise an eyebrow to the setter. Oikawa turns his attention to you once again, his chin on his palm as he stares at you.

"You're so pretty Y/N-chan! Wouldn't want that to go to waste do we?" Your ears couldn't really believe what you just heard. A sea of gasps echoed through the room when the compliment left Oikawas mouth. Murmurs of how luck you were started to spread and Makki was stood frozen.

"Flirting with my best friend isn't cute, shittykawa." Hanamaki comments, a distinct tone in his voice that didn't sound all too jokingly. The word best friend rings in your head as you actually felt a strike to your heart with his words.

How can you confess like this when you're down to rejection?

You felt like Hanamaki gave you a wake up call. Is this really the farthest you could go? Just friends? You let out a sigh, suddenly throwing away your previous plans of admitting your feelings for him. You gripped the pen in your hand as you tried not to be controlled by the pain.

Mattsukawa sees how your hand was trembling, replaying what Makki said, he nudges the boy next to him who was busy giving a cold shoulder to Oikawa. Mattsukawa prays that Hanamaki realizes what he just said.

Hanamaki feels the harsh nudge of his best friend making him look your way, a downcast evident in your features. Before he could ask you what's got you upset, the teacher walks in making Oikawa and Iwaizumi leave. Oikawa passes by Hanamaki making the tension even more noticeable.

Mattsukawa grips Hanamakis arm, to stop his mouth from sending a snarky comment and to hold him back from a glare. Hanamaki sits in his usual place as he ponders on what's gotten you this down. Was it Oikawa? What did he tell you? Could it be something that included him?

He sincerely hopes it doesn't involve him or else his hearts going to keep aching with jealousy.

What the fuck?

That was the only question that lingered in Hanamakis head.

Throughout the day, he figured that he'd be able to avoid you without you knowing what he was doing but instead, he found himself getting distracted in the fact that you sat with Oikawa between breaks. He couldn't even focus where to put the gifts in, he's totally forgotten about his locker and the possibility of you finding about it makes him panic.

He just hated how he feels the envy consume him. It took him a while to not give in to it. He had to continue, if he didn't- he would cower away. He wasn't going to waste another chance because of Oikawa, he can promise you that.

"You think Oikawa knew something? Maybe he's actually stalling you." Mattsukawa suggests, to remind Hanamaki that he was sure the setter isn't a barrier to his plans.

"He said something to her- I just know it. She's distant with me." He says tiredly, Iwaizumi leans on his arm to whisper to Hanamaki.

"Maybe he figured out you were going to confess." Iwaizumi says shrugging, Hanamaki shakes his head.

Are you turning him down then if this was real?

A way to softly push him away and tell him that your friendship mattered more?

If this was the case, he's leading his heart to a trap.

And it went like this until Makki had to confront Oikawa, sick of the change in you. It was practice time so he had the setter to himself. He knew you were waiting for him so he decided to take matters into his own hands.

He just wanted to be yours already.

"Oikawa, what did you tell her?" He asks quietly. Even if his heart held its beat because of jealousy, he's sure that the boy he was talking to had no interest in you the same way he has. Oikawa has never shown you signs of love or any affection at all. Sure, it was fun to be around him but he looked at you as a friend, a company he can find comfort in but who's to say Makki doesn't feel nervous?

"I didn't tell her anything what are you talking about?" The boy answers making Makki sigh.

"She's avoiding me. It doesn't make sense then." Oikawa raises an eyebrow at Takahiros expression. He looked so- distraught. It starts to sink in him how the lack of your presence takes a toll on his friend and there was the tiny ounce of regret that hits his mind.

When he sees Hanamaki open his locker to reveal a boquet of flowers, his eyes widen. He then closes them immediately, cursing himself for the misunderstanding.

"Isn't that what you were supposed to give Aika?" He asks, his throat dwelling with nervousness. Hanamaki furrows his eyebrows, evidently confused in how their classmate who he is even close to, got dragged into the situation.

"What-"

"Shit."

"Oikawa!"

I hate running.

He says to himself whie doing it, he's never ran this fast before. God, now everything was at rush. He had to pack his things immediately, make sure the sweat didn't cling to him like it did. He even had to rummage through his locker to make sure everything was inside his bag. Mattsukawa was also frantic. Iwaizumi was calm enough to knock some sense into Oikawa after Hanamaki tells the news on what exactly happened.

So here he was running to your neighborhood, flowers and all because he'd be dumb enough to be the guy in Oikawas misunderstood scenario.

"Oikawa!"

"Wait okay fuck I'm sorry- I might have heard something wrong earlier." He says, a hand to the back of his neck. Hanamaki isn't sure if he should feel relieved that Oikawa doesn't have any admiration towards or feel the fucking rage to strangle him for whatever led to this.

"What exactly did you hear anyway?"

"I can't just give the flowers to Aika. I can't act like an admirer of hers, I have to confess to her myself." Hanamaki says sighing as Iwaizumi and Mattsukawa nods.

Oikawa turns his back on the trio as he frowns at the idea of you and Hanamaki not being a couple. It seems that his friendly gestures didn't actually hold anything else, he'd fallen for Aika instead. Though he feels slightly pissed that Hanamaki led you on in some sort of way.

Once he sees you, he immediately goes your way in order for you to not witness the heartbreak that was about to unfold.

"Oikawa, I was planning to confess to Y/N. Mattsukawa suggested that I try to give her the flowers anonymously at first by letting Aika bring it to her but like I said, I didn't wanna look like an unknown loser." Hanamaki lets out a puff of annoyance as Oikawa rests his hand on the boys shoulder, now that tiny ounce of guilt grew and grew.

"I'm really really sorry, Makki." He says sincerely, Hanamaki sighs before nodding at Oikaws, accepting his apology knowing Iwaizumi could lecture the boy after his slip up.

"I need to go to Y/N now." He says but Kindaichi looks at his teammate with a water bottle in hand.

"Y/N-san left hours ago." He says as Hanamaki sends a glare towards Oikawa then he looks at Kunimi just to confirm Kindaichis statement. Kunimi nods before returning back to his unbothered state. Hanamaki lets out a scream of frustration as he dashes towards Mattsukawa and Iwaizumi, Oikawa being dragged along by his shirt.

"Oi, did you two fight?"

"Long-story short he thought I was giving the flowers to Aika. Now please, lecture the damn asshole- I need to find Y/N." He basically hands Oikawa to Iwaizumi who already landed a ball to the captains head as he runs off to his locker to leave immediately.

He could never adore someone else when you remained to stay at the top of his list- since no other name follows it.

He pats down his sweat with a towel before drinking water then spraying his cologne all around him. He was in front of your room door since your parents gladly invited him in while he mentions to be quiet at the sight of the boquet of flowers in hand and now it's finally happening. He was either going to face a prize or a bucket of tears.

Here goes nothing then.

He knocks on the door as you continued to scroll through your phone but you spoke, "It's open!"

He opens it softly, before stepping in your room, closing the door in the process. You look up from your phone only to get the life knocked out of you when you see Hanamaki.

"Hey Makki-"

"Y/N please I just need to tell you something okay."

He takes the vacant spot next to you on your bed as both your hearts pounded loudly with each second. Your mind couldn't stop racing at what he was going to say if it was just flat out rejection, meanwhile Hanamaki doubts what he bought you. He carefully takes your hand with his, caressing it gently while your cheeks were heating at the moment.

"Y/N I-"

You roll your eyes before ending the call, not even caring to know who called. Meanwhile, Makki wanted to stop himself from coughing from the embarrassment.

The phone rings. Oh, fuck me.

"Go on- really sorry." You say with a slight chuckle, as he smiles, thankful you read the room at how nervous he was. Instead, he went to his bag to find a certain box. Once he finds the blue box, he takes your palm and places the object on it.

You smiled at him you opened the box, praying that you don't let out a squeal when you see what's inside.

"Paper rings?" You say chuckling as Hanamakis eyes widen, threatened to pop out of his sockets since he was in full disbelief. You laughed as Hanamaki tried to get the back from you but you ran from your bed to wear the damn thing.

"Y/N!" He yells trying to reach the box from your hands but your laughter echoes through the room.

You're too fucking cute for me. You think to yourself.

"It's a perfect fit on me, Takahiro." You say even holding out your hand with the paper ring as Hanamaki hides his face on a pillow, an attempt to hide the humiliation. He can never bounce back from this. Where was the actual matching rings that he bought? The one with yours and his initials were embedded on? Did he leave it on his desk when he was trying to figure out your ring size? He was truly fucked.

When you tried to reach for him, the ring broke since it was surrounded by tape and it didn't really held strength to it. Realizing that it was folded paper, you opened it seeing scribbles and doodles from Makki.

Y/N's ring size is 6 maybe 7?

Get the flowers that Iwaizumi suggested. Which flower was it again? The ones that symbols love? Fuck it.

Does she prefer me with this perfume or not?

She smells amazing all the time, I hate it.

God, I like her too much it's unbelievable.

I feel like I'm proposing to her but I'm not complaining.

You immediately drop the paper to look at him, switching your gaze between him and the paper. You hid your face in your hands as you wondered if this was actually reality. Hanamaki likes you back? Proposing? It was overwhelmingly cute.

Hanamaki lifts his head from the pillow and he sees you looking like you were embarrassed for him. He immediately goes to you, hands on yours as he tries to lift them off your face.

"Do you want me to kiss it better?" He teases, hopefully it was able to grab your attention, and it did. You slap his chest from how flustered you were as he laughs before taking you in his arms, playing with your hair as your mind goes blank.

"Okay maybe the secret is out but I'm serious, Y/N. I like you- so fucking much it makes me wanna buy all the shit you want if we succeed in a heist- and I never wanna stop feeling this. The ring is crappy but I've got the actual one in my room so" He pulls away from your embrace as he lifts your chin to meet with his face who was intoxicatingly close.

"Do you accept my proposal of being my girlfriend?"

"If I said no?" You teased with a smile as he chuckles before locking his lip with yours, his hand finding its way to your cheek as you immediately kiss back, the pieces finally clicking in its rightful place. He deepens the kiss as your hand finds its way to the nape of his hair, pulling him closer while his own hands make a trip to your waist who he soon finds addicting.

He pulls away, caressing your cheek as your forehead touched, smiles plastered on either faces.

"I gladly accept, 'Hiro."

"Not like I'll take no for an answer, princess."

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#hanamaki x reader #mattsukawa x reader #mattsukawa issei #hanamaki takahiro #oikawa tooru #hajime iwaizumi #aoba johsai #xine's world of romance

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quartings · 3 years

Text

So... this week has been very very bad for me, through nobody's fault but my own. I've been feeling completely miserable, worthless, and just overall unskilled, like everything I do pales in comparison to what my friends can do. Like if I wasn't around, there would be no impact. In fact, someone who's just me but more socially well-adjusted and talented would be in my place instead.

I have friends. Who are younger than me. Who draw way better than me. Who don't even want to do cartoons for a living.

And every time a friend would try to console me with "your stuff's good too!" it just felt like disingenuous pity. Like, there's a very clear quality gap between my stuff and my friends' stuff, it would be insulting to them to insinuate I'm as good as they are. And if I was as good as my friends, then why am I not getting as much traction on my high-effort stuff as they are? None of this is out of spite, I'm just justifying my own self-loathing.

And the only things I feel I do uniquely from them are my script writing (soon to no longer be unique) and voice acting (which I barely do professionally anyways). Neither of which can be accurately valued easily for the above reasons.

And this isn't just a hobby to me. Cartooning is my life- the thing that's always defined me and kept me happy. The worst years of my life are now far behind me, so why am I still so miserable? Am I purposely subconsciously preventing myself from just being happy?

But tonight in the middle of class, I remembered a line from a movie that I already liked, but finally clicked with me.

It was The Suicide Squad's "Rats are the lowliest and most despised of all creatures. If they have purpose... so do we all." Just that moment from the movie, seeing Ratcatcher 2 look up at Sebastian and his friends take down one of the most powerful beings in the universe with the help of her father's gifts, remembering his words, is so iconic. It's such a rare moment to see in cinema overall, just seeing Cleo remember how much she absolutely loved her father despite all his flaws, protecting and comforting Bloodsport despite all his flaws, as she smiles with fulfillment and love, so much love that she's absolutely unabashedly SOBBING from all of it.

And as I recalled that scene and the amazing music in it, feeling the wave of emotion well up, I realized was what about to happen and excused myself to go outside. Where for the first time in a year of having my emotions dulled from the pandemic, numerous recent rejections, life in general, and my own inferior psyche, I just started bawling too.

Because that's when I realized that yeah, even though I'm not that good at art, even if I don't ever improve to the level I want to be, I'll always still be able to contribute. I'll always have a purpose, even if I'm this too-old, twisted, awkward person who doesn't have a concrete identity, and had to go through years of therapy after being sent to a tiny island's tiny island to get pneumonia and almost die. Being told that my art is good enough when I know it's not didn't really help me at all. It was being told that I'm good enough even if my art is not that absolutely hit me in the right spot.

Because if someone told me that I should feel better because my art is actually good, that sort of implies that in the case or on the day it isn't, then I deserve to feel bad. But that scene made me realize that being bad at art doesn't mean I can't still make my friends happy, that I still can't inch closer to my dreams anyways, that I can still accept the little bits of love that come my way. (Now my trust issues however, are a whole other can of worms that I won't get into now)

And while I still wanna do a proper massive analysis of all the GOTG movies before the third film comes out, that line from The Suicide Squad matches up in how much it impacted me with other James Gunn written lines like "When you're ugly and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are." and the following "Well, then I am certainly grateful to be ugly~!", as well as "I didn't ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and over and turned into some... some little monster!!", and "Just a little bit of love reminds you how empty that hole inside you really is!" and just Kraglin's open tears of joy at Yondu getting honored by the other Ravagers.

A lot of people think depressed people need to hear "You're great! You're good at things! It will be okay!" when Gunn knows that what they really need to hear is "Even if you're not great, even if you're not good at things, it will be okay because you still deserve love no matter what."

While I have a comic coming out with the negative outlook from before, and while I may relapse after the small growth I had today, I'm really glad I could air out my feelings here.

#the suicide squad #the suicide squad spoilers #james gunn #guardians of the galaxy #q speaks #negativity #tw dysthemia #tw depression #ratcatcher 2 #cleo cazo

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nxrthmizu · 4 years

Text

| the four times kei offered cuddles | Tsukishima Kei

»»——⍟——««

prompt | nope

pairing | Tsukishima Kei x Reader

words | 1.3k

author’s note | Yes,,, I know I haven’t finished my requests,,, But have this,,, @whootwhoot my fellow Tsukki simp :)))

»»——⍟——««

One.

»»——⍟——««

“Oi.” You looked up to meet Tsukishima’s annoyed eyes. “Go to bed.”

Glancing at your alarm clock on your desk, you blinked in shock when you realised it was well past 2am. You had gotten wrapped up in your work that you had lost a grip of time and before you knew it, hours had slipped by. “Oh.” You said blankly. “It’s 2.”

“Yes, you idiot.” He replied dryly, rolling his eyes. “And I thought I went to bed late.” Your roommate had a habit of staying on his phone till midnight even if he already got into bed. His socks squeaked softly across the wooden flooring of the apartment the two of you shared with Yamaguchi and Yachi. “Go to bed.” He said quietly as he turned to leave.

“But I can’t sleep.” You muttered quietly. It was only a week ago you had caught your boyfriend in the arms of another, and the break up had taken a toll on you- But most of all, it took a toll on your sleep schedule. You had gotten used to sleeping surrounded by a warmth, and the empty sheets just felt too cold on some nights.

Tsukishima sighed quietly, his fingers gripping the doorframe of your room. “And why is that.” He asked, his voice warm and soft.

“I... Got used to sleeping with... Him.” You muttered embarrassedly, knowing that he would berate you and snap a snarky remark at you about how that was not his problem.

Two owlish blinks at you later, he made a low rumble in his throat, shutting your bedroom door and walking towards you awkwardly. “Get in bed.” He told you, ignoring your confused expression. “It’s 2am. If you want to be awake for tomorrow’s lectures, you go to sleep now.”

“Tsukishima, what are you-”

His arms tugged around your waist, pulling you onto the single-sized bed you had in your dorm room. “There’s no difference, right?” He grumbled, your back pressed across his chest. “Go to sleep.”

For the first time in six days, you slept soundly, surrounded by a different warmth that soothed you to sleep.

»»——⍟——««

Two.

»»——⍟——««

Neither of you spoke of the one night a week after you broke up. Tsukishima never offered to do the same thing after, and you never asked. It was as if it never happened, both of you mutually agreeing to permanently deleting that memory from your mind. But nothing is truly deleted, because you could sometimes imagine his warmth behind you, his lanky arms around your waist and his nose tucked into the crook of your neck, his soft, rhythmic breathing in your ears.

It seemed like he couldn’t forget the feeling, either.

The second time was when thunder rumbled across the skies and rain poured onto the earth, lightning flashing outside your window, making your squeak in terror. You were shaking, diving for your blankets to try and block out the noise and the fear that lingered in the depths of your heart.

A shaky breath escaped your lips as you darted for the only person who was probably still awake and could offer your comfort.

You knocked on his door, your entire body still trembling. He opened his bedroom door to see you, who squeaked as thunder crashed through the night again. You dove for his bed, burying yourself into the sheets, your hands clasped over your ears.

“You’re... Scared of thunderstorms.” He stated in realisation. Glancing out of where you were buried under the blankets, you saw the blonde pulling the curtains close and snapping his laptop shut. “Come here.”

You scrambled into his embrace, his snarky remarks soothing the unsettling feeling inside your chest. The urge to run eventually ebbed away as he continued to comment on your fear of thunderstorms, explaining to you why it was unreasonable.

“What time is it?” Asked you, yawning sleepily. The thunder faded slightly and now it was just the pattering of rain outside Tsukishima’s bedroom window.

“Nearly twelve.” He answered you, leaning against his pillow propped against the wall. You sighed contentedly, snuggling into his warmth. “Do you... Intend to stay here.”

You yawned again, this time quieter. “Shh. Go to sleep, Kei.”

“Since when did you start calling me Kei.” He grumbled, his frown softening as he brushed your hair out of your closed eyes. Sighing, he shifted, pulling you into his arms and the blanket over the two of you, too comfortable to get up to switch off the lights.

»»——⍟——««

Three.

»»——⍟——««

“What do you want to eat today?” You asked Kei, who had tucked himself in one corner of the couch. Yamaguchi and Yachi had a field trip for a class they had to attend, leaving you and the blonde in the apartment, alone for a night.

“Whatever’s in the fridge.” He answered, not even looking up from the novel he was reading.

You hummed and tapped your cheek thoughtfully. “How do you feel about watching a movie tonight?”

Raising an eyebrow at you questioningly, Kei spoke. “Don’t you need to study.”

“Taking one day off’s not going to kill me.” You shrugged. “We have instant cup noodles. We could eat those.”

“I’ll pick a movie.”

“... Fine, but choose a good one.”

10 minutes later, the two of you were seated next to each other, steaming cups of instant noodle in your hand, watching ‘The Good Dinosaur’. You had to admit, Kei’s selection had surprised you, but it wasn’t that bad of a movie (The dinosaur was cute).

“That’s so sad!” You cried out near the end, close to bawling your eyes out. You had always been a very emotional person when watching movies. “This is your fault, Kei. You chose this movie!”

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Alright, fine. Come here.” He opened his arms, letting you bawl into his shirt. Rolling his eyes at your emotional state, he wrapped his arms around you, heaving out a breath.

“Oh, shut up! I’m emotional.” You sniffled, adjusting yourself so your entire body fit onto his lap, your arms latched around his neck.

“I can tell.” He shot back wryly. “And I already offered to cuddle you, what more do you want.”

You blinked at him, the movie forgotten. He stared back, having realised his mistake. The two of you had never acknowledged it as ‘cuddling’, but more as... Okay, you acknowledged it as ‘cuddling’, just not outloud.

“Could I get a kiss, too?”

»»——⍟——««

Four.

»»——⍟——««

“Oi.”

You hummed quietly, absorbed with the book in your hand. “Yes, Kei?”

“The kids are asleep, and so should you.” Kei snatched your book from your hands despite your protests and whines. “Go to bed, love.”

“Says the one who had a sleep schedule as bad as mine during uni.” You grumbled, crossing your arms. “Give me my book back, Kei! I promise I’ll go to sleep after one more chapter.”

Kei gave you his ‘Do-you-take-me-for-an-idiot’ look. “By ‘after one more chapter’ you actually mean ‘after I finish the whole book’, so no.” He groaned at the sour look you threw him. “Love, we’re in our mid-forties and you still act like a child. Even though we have two already.”

You huffed, crossing your arms, not saying anything.

“... If you go to sleep now, I’ll cuddle you.”

You looked up in surprise. Kei rarely used the term ‘cuddle’, because he didn’t want to make it seem like he was a romantic (He is, and he’s an absolute cuddle bug). He cuddled you every night, his arms instinctively reaching around your waist to pull you closer to him and press you against his chest, tuck his nose inside the crook of you neck.

Smiling lovingly, you shuffled into bed, pulling the blanket over the two of you and then letting yourself get drawn into his embrace. His soft lips pressed a kiss on your forehead, your nose, then your lips. A happy sigh left your lips as you curled up into him, both of you clicking like two puzzle pieces.

“Goodnight.”

»»——⍟——««

This is for all my moots and followers, Tsukki’s telling you to go to sleep, so shoo shoo.

I’ll be doing another one like this for Daichi and Kuroo soon, but I’ve got to study and finish another request tomorrow :))

»»——⍟——««

#tsukishima kei #tsukishima kei x y/n #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima kei fluff #haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! fluff #kei tsukishima #karasuno #tsukkishima kei #softshima #cadyh2o #cady writesss «

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writing-for-me-at-this-point · 4 years

Text

ii. Fun Facts About The Cast | Actor Au | Obey Me

Request: Its not, I love this AU tho

Word Count: 2303 words

Page Count: 6.5 pages

A.N. Hope you guys all like this! Fun facts about the cast lmao

[ Actor AU Masterlist ]

Fun Facts

Benjamin ( Lucifer )

- Is the dad of the cast.

- In any scenes with Dmitri ( Luke ), he makes sure to know if he is alright, and often will stop scenes to ask.

- He also is an overall joker, so he has trouble filming most of his scenes, will often start laughing in the middle of filming and can break character the easiest.

- Best with kids overall, probably due to having his own, keeps their lives private tho.

- His hair was white for a past show, but the directors liked the look, so that's why he has white tips.

- One of the few male characters who cannot do those diets to accentuate his abs- so that's why his character is always covered up.

- He's in shape! But, he likes the fat that protects his muscle, he says he needs to stay soft to hug his kids.

- Known diabetic, so there's a table full of foods so his sugars are stable, the cast has glucagon shots all over the sets to be safe.

- Is in his early thirties, but people say he can pull off early twenties- he just snorts at this.

Avery ( Mammon )

- Takes the job seriously, and his scenes are easiest to film.

- Dark humor and often is the "Lucifer" of the cast.

- Seeing him switch from Avery to Mammon leaves the rest of the cast and crew fucking s h o o k.

- Will always be seen looking his finest.

- No, no one has seen him in public in sweatpants or anything like that. His image is very serious.

- Is a sweetheart when with the rest of the cast tho.

- His eyes are actually that blue.

- No one is sure if his hair is actually white or not, the way he speaks about it is vague, and fans are always theorizing.

- Watching over Benji ( Lucifer ), and is usually the one to tell him to check his sugars, since the other is quite forgetful.

- Is an immigrant from Turkey, so he has an accent, makes people thirst for him more.

- Helps aspiring actors and directors get into the field, and goes on hard work and talent, not who tries to pay him off.

Jackson ( Leviathan )

- Is the resident fuckboi.

- Always with males and females hanging off him, at this point the pop gave up, no- they aren't his partner.

- Flexes a shit ton.

- Wearing chains, a Rolex, and anything designer.

- Donates half of his salary to ocean reserves and protection funds, he has the money for it, and the show pays him well.

- Always at the beach, or near lake houses and shit, the one ( 1 ) thing he likes about his character.

- Hates the fringe he wears with a passion.

- His hair is actually a light shade of brown, his eyes are a darker shade, but still pretty light.

- First generation, his parents are Korean, so you can pick up hints of their accent in his speech patterns. Gets heavy when he's sleepy.

Ross ( Satan )

- Is a stoner.

- Goes on Instagram lives with either MC and gets high, talking about the dumbest shit or he's alone in his room and his cats join in.

- "So, if you think about- oH MY GOD PRINCESS. YES, COME TO DADDY."

- Has a kitten curled up on him, purrs loud as hell because mf is so warm, and the lives turn into purring ASMR sessions.

- Into self care, has a line of vitamins, face masks, and everything you can think of.

- Calls his fans his SaStans.

- Dmitri ( Luke ) is his younger brother.

- Will never let him out of his sight, and they love to be as mean as they can to each other, they love each other but love to bully one another.

- Is from the Bronx, so his accent is what Avery ( Mammon ) mimics for his character, often just records Avery's lines and sends them to him so he can practice.

- Owns an animal shelter he funds.

- "Carol Baskin? Who's that?"

- The REAL tiger king.

- Gets all his cats dyed to look like tigers.

Micheal ( Asmodeus )

- Chill as fuck.

- Has like 5+ kids, so the role fits him perfectly, and now it's an on running joke among fans that they are all his illegitimate children.

- You know why Asmodeus on the show wears so much makeup?

- His eldest daughter is one of the makeup artists, and she loves to try new looks on him, and the producers think it would fit the character well.

- People speculate his age, looks young but is in his late 30's.

- His first child was born when he was 16, so he likes to support safe heavens and things like that for struggling youths- from being kicked out to needing assistance with mental health.

- Tired af.

- Always in sweatpants, him and Ross ( Satan ) are the trademark bums of the cast.

- Thinks it would be hilarious that when Micheal is revealed, in the show, that he plays the character.

- Is a writer as well, TSL is a real series and he writes it, so they let him use it in the show.

- Vlogs in his car, in a Wendy's parking lot, eating a shit ton of food and talking about the most random shit.

- Half asleep in all interviews, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, it's gotten to the point where everyone memes it too.

James ( Beelzebub )

- Himbo.

- One of the few cast members closest to their character.

- Absolute sweetheart.

- He's 20 years old.

- But how is he so fucking big???

- Comes from a big ass family, the middle child, he's baby 4 out of 9.

- All his siblings are redheads too.

- Very playful tho, with the cast always going along with his antics, making for the best bloopers.

- The contacts he wears make him blind af, which doesn't help since he's so tall, and will bump his head on the doorways and such.

- Can speak Scottish-Gaelic, and even has an accent to top it off.

- He is an absolute unit, and one of the characters who does the stupid diet to show off his form.

- Literally on the verge of passing out sometimes, so he needs to rest with Benjamin ( Lucifer ).

- All pictures, shirtless scenes, and such are filmed first so he can rest after and go back to a normal diet.

- Quiet guy, but loves talking about sports and his siblings tho.

- Is always carrying MC and Dmitri ( Luke ) around, now there are many off-guard photos posted to the casts shared twitter+instagram accounts

- Still pretty new to acting, but is amazing at emotional scenes, to the point fans actually think he's having a breakdown.

- Nah, he's just thinking about being alone, without his family- and it gets him bawling for said scenes.

Conner ( Belphegor )

- Crackhead

- Will not stay still, either for filming or just when everyone is chilling.

- Scenes where he's asleep? He's usually turned away from the camera, cause the idiot is smiling and giggling.

- Has tripped over his tail multiple times.

- Comes from a farm-life, literal cowboy, his southern accent just hits hard.

- He hides it very well, but it comes out at times or with certain words.

- Sees Benjamin ( Lucifer ) as a mentor, he's in his early twenties and new to the scene, but they are best friends.

- Benjamin ( Lucifer ) has now acquired a new child.

- A living meme.

- You know how Tom Holland can't keep a secret?

- Yeah, he's worse.

- Rest of the cast have all had to physically stop him from talking at one point.

- The cow pillow? It's actually his, when he got the role his father has sewn it himself, so he will bring it with him.

- It's basically free promo for the show and comforts him in the city space.

- Gets overwhelmed in large crowds, so he usually makes sure to have another cast member close by, or he will literally leave to a less crowded place to take a breath.

- Apologized to MC after the scene in which he kills them.

- His mama raised him right, so he takes MC to his house for a movie, in which they cuddle and relax for the night.

- Felt really bad for like... a whole week.

- "Country boy I love you~"

Thomas ( Barbatos )

- Brat.

- This is one cocky man, he's smooth as hell, and one whisper can make you weak in the knees.

- Grew out the one side of his hair, but he slicks his hair back or will pin it back, dyes it himself when it's time to film.

- Loves to piss Alex ( Simeon ) off.

- Has a true crime podcast with Roman ( Diavolo ), Alex ( Simeon ), and Benjamin ( Lucifer ), because they're all old friends.

- Donates to the cold case foundation because he knows what it's like to lose someone and not know what happened to them.

- He has a twin who is his stunt double, they love to fuck with the rest of the cast, both of them are little shits.

- Is the motherfucker who makes a channel and reads the crackhead fanfics

- Loves every word of it tho.

- Responds to every fans dms. Every. One. As a whole account for this shit.

- Walks with a bit of a limp, so he wears a brace to help even himself, but during wide-shot scenes you can catch it sometimes.

- Took actual classes to be a butler for the role.

Roman ( Diavolo )

- Himbo 2.0

- Catch this man tweeting what he's trying to search up at 2 in the morning.

- Leaves them because it's hilarious, makes videos where he reads them out sometimes, it's all in good fun.

- He has a set of triplets at home, so that dad energy radiates into the show too.

- You know how Diavolo seems sus at points of the game? Yeah, he's still like that IRL.

- The rest of the cast was put off at first, but that's how he is, and everyone eased up pretty quickly.

- Makes jokes that he has family in the Italian mob, but needed to stop once his father called him, saying that there were too many eyes on the family now.

- Man was s h o o k.

- Has sensitive skin, so all his makeup and body paints need to be specially made, made with all natural products.

- The bags under his eyes are baby bags.

- Will bring his kids on set, to which everyone will gush over, and watch them when they aren't filming.

- Very private with his kids ( to the public ), doesn't post about them much, and only the cast really sees them.

- Wine dad.

- Catch him bringing the whole cast out for "family trips"

- People nicknamed him Caesar

- So many JoJo references now

- "SHHHHIIIIIZZZAAAAAAAA"

- "Please, no."

Dmitri ( Luke )

- Is actually 12.

- Quotes vines, tiktoks, and other memes.

- Is one of the few people that Alex ( Simeon ) is openly nice too.

- Also has an accent, but since he's young and is learning, can now mimic every other cast member's accent.

- Wear earplugs for certain scenes, because of how raunchy and dark the scenes can get, so Simeon and Barbatos are always conveniently in the way, hiding the plugs.

- Is Ross' ( Satan ) younger brother, and if he isn't hanging off of him he's with James ( Beelzebub ), Benjamin ( Lucifer ), or MC.

- They know there are some sick fucks in Hollywood so he has an adult with him at all times.

- Posts pictures of him cuddling up to his brother and the kittens, new foods he is trying, and some pictures with family.

- He often is considered the new Gordon Ramsay.

- Had a collaboration with him.

- It was amazing.

- Best boy, catch him taking a nap in his ( and Ross' ) trailer, surrounded by tiger kittens.

- The TIGER PRINCE.

Alex ( Simeon )

- Avatar of wrath who?

- The embodiment of "No talk me, I angy"

- Jkjk, though he does have a temper, he only loses it with Benjamin ( Lucifer ), Roman ( Diavolo ), and Thomas ( Barbatos ).

- A sweetheart with all children though, like you know Simeon on the show?

- Yeah, he's only like that with kids.

- And respectable adults.

- Mama raised him well 2.0

- Grew up in NY

- Born in Gucci and Balenciaga.

- Was a child model and slowly expanded to acting.

- Dark humor galore.

- If Simeon met Alex, he'd probably have a stroke, cause THOSE WORDS are coming out of HIS mouth.

- Says the weirdest shit too.

- "Put your hand on my ass and call me a virgin."

- Bro are you okay???

- He is fluent in five languages and has a high IQ.

- Speaks: English, French, Italian, Arabic, and Mandarin

- Has a support system for children who struggle to learn conventionally, with trained tutors who are affordable, he knows what it's like to need certain needs met to learn, and he wants every kid to get that chance.

- Rough around the edges but has a heart of gold.

Derek ( Solomon )

- Loves to smoke with Ross ( Satan )

- He is more aloof than chill.

- One of the more awkward members, doesn't know how to socialize well, and is very shy.

- Watch out for Dmitri ( Luke ) on the down low.

- Didn't have the best life growing up, so he is a lot more street smart than book smart.

- Doesn't have a big social media influence.

- Very nice to fans, gives full hugs to them, and everyone feels so appreciated.

- Has a husky named Blue.

- Also has an owl, who he took in when he found it on his porch with a broken wing, and nursed it to health.

- He set it free, but she comes back often, and has a nest in the tree closest to his house.

- Named her Lovely.

- Animal person, so he helps Ross out with his animal shelters.

- Uses Blue as a living pillow, and only sleeps in his boxers when Blue is on his bed, because goddamn does that dog radiate heat.

- Him and MC live together, having grown up together, and made their livings together.

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thebirdandhersong · 3 years

Note

Hey, so I've basically never watched any k-dramas, but I've read a lot of manga and manhwa and the automatic next step does feel like moving into k-dramas. You seem to have watched a number, so I was wondering if you could make a recommended list? Only if you felt like it of course, but it would be helpful! (Preferably of at least some which are on netflix uk, I looked up 18 again but it's unfortunately not on here in Britain :(. But if you have favourites I'd just like to know them so I can look out for them anywhere)

Also yay! Your term's ended!

(yanks open the door) did someone say RECOMMENDATIONS?? I DO have many!!! Boy do I have them!!!!

(YAY!! One last exam and I'm done for the summer!)

I love Eastern entertainment (manga, k-dramas, c-dramas, and movies from Korea and Taiwan) because of several reasons: the scripts are phenomenal nine times out of ten; Asian culture puts a strong emphasis on the importance of family, personal responsibility, learning from one's mistakes, expressing affection through gestures and acts of service, and friendship and I really love seeing that in a story; and they make good use of silence and stillness in shows and movies, which is pretty rare in Hollywood. The quiet moments between characters are more often than not some of the most important in the story and I Love That!!

The dramas I'm (briefly) listing are in bold if they're available on Netflix UK, and in bold and italicised if they're available on Rakuten Viki (which is a mostly-free drama streaming service, though unfortunately they're rather heavy on the ads). The Absolute Favourites are marked with stars (***). Though I can't actually see the whole list of dramas available in the UK, so some of these may be wrong, and it may be worth checking twice!

If you're in the mood for something fast-paced:

Descendants of the Sun (Viki); considered a Classic

- romantic comedy, medical drama, a bit of action

- The confident and charming leader of a Special Forces unit meets a reserved surgeon and they hit it off, after some... interesting misunderstandings. But after dating briefly and breaking up, they find themselves reunited on a peacekeeping mission in a war-torn country. Insert a lot of Suspense and Excitement but also a lot of Comedy and Sincere Declarations of Love.

- if you enjoy Song Joongki's performance, I'd also recommend his movie A Werewolf Boy. If you enjoy Song Hye-kyo's performance, I'd recommend her drama Encounter.

***Come and Hug Me (Viki, but I don't know if it costs money?)

- thriller/suspense, romance, this one genuinely stressed me out but the moments of peace and reconciliation (and the ENDING) were well worth it

- Their first loves during their youth ends in her mother's death and their separation. Years later, the lively daughter of the murdered woman is now an actress, and the introverted son of the serial killer has become a police officer. They meet each other again (Of Course) and have to tackle all sorts of Nonsense (including the serial killer's return, his murderous brother's return from prison, the Media, the ghosts of their past, etc. etc.) together. HUGE focus on forgiveness, hope, healing, unconditional and self-sacrificial love. Also one of the best redemption arcs (I did in fact bawl my eyes out)

- my friend just started crying when we first watched this drama together because the male lead is just so gentle and tenderhearted and steadfast :')

If you're in the mood for something a bit slower

***Goblin/Guardian (Viki); International Acclaim

- fantasy, drama, one of the funniest dramas I've ever watched, but also tears (I cried at a rate of around once every two episodes. This show talks a lot about life and meaning and the effect your actions and words have on the people around you.)

- Kim Shin, a general from the Goryeo Dynasty, is cursed to live as an immortal Goblin (a Korean mythical/fairy tale figure) until his destined Bride pulls the sword from his chest, thus breaking the 'spell' and ending his life. He really did not expect his bride to be the vivacious and irrepressible Eun-tak, though, and What's More!! He did not expect that he would start wanting to live again :))) Includes a surprising amount of comedy, a surprising amount of tears, and EXCELLENT screenwriting. (Descendants and Goblin share the same brilliant writer.)

- fun fact: parts of it were shot in Quebec!! One of the characters refers to Canada as "the maple nation" early on in the story and my friend and I just burst into laughter.

***Encounter (Viki, but I'm not sure if it costs money?)

- melodrama, romantic comedy, FAIRY TALE

- a cold and withdrawn woman, recently divorced because of her husband's infidelity, and a warm-hearted and optimistic young man meet on the streets of Cuba by accident, and upon separating without means of contact, find themselves back in Korea as boss and newly hired employee. This sounds like a recipe for disaster: stuffed to the gills with unnecessary workplace drama and gossip, etc. but the story focuses instead on family, vulnerability, transformation, sacrifice, about art, compassion, mending relationships, opening up to people, and about the beauty in bringing and receiving comfort and love.

- also. ALSO. Fairy tale!!! with illustrated opening and ending cards and everything!!! (they literally refer to her as the Ice Princess. And her Prince is the human equivalent of sunshine. I Love him)

- if you like Park Bo-gum's performance, I'd recommend Reply 1988, too!

***One Spring Night

- melodrama; quiet and understated but very beautiful

- A bright, clever, and sharp-tongued librarian meets a quiet, steady, and gentle pharmacist one day. It turns out that he's a single father, and she's trapped in a relationship that really isn't working out. Friendship! Family! Sisters standing up for each other and saying No I Won't Let You Treat My Sister Like This, You Jerk! Figuring things out! Learning how to love! I really don't know what else to say, except for the fact that I loved it very much!!

- if you enjoy Jung Hae-in's performance, I'd also recommend Something in the Rain (which should also be on Netflix!) for his acting alone. I just think he's neat.

Reply 1988

- slice-of-life, comedy

- In the late 1980s, five friends (four boys, one girl) who have grown up with each other since childhood are Going Through It in high school. This drama is all about the little things that happen in life, and about learning to understand your family and your friends. Deok-sun is just trying to survive all of This as the middle child, and as a young girl who is trying to figure this Romance thing out. In the present, adult Deok-sun is just as lively, and is now happily married..... but to whom? :))) A Lot of '80s Asian culture, daily antics, and good old friendship.

- if you like Park Bo-gum's performance, I'd recommend Encounter too :)

18 Again (Viki)

- romantic comedy, fantasy/time travel (sort of)

- Nearly twenty years of marriage, and things have been going Wrong all over the place. His wife wants a divorce, he's no longer close to his teenaged kids, and he's just lost the job he's been faithfully working at for years. Daeyoung wishes that he could go back somehow, and finds himself 18 once again.... except he's still in the present. Interesting things ensue. He enrolls in school (it turns out to be the same one his kids attend), and decides to pursue the dreams he had to give up when he was a teenager. Antics ensue! But also Healing: he gets to know his kids all over again, and is able to view his relationships with Dajung (whom he still loves. Of course) and his estranged father in a new light.

- I have not finished this drama yet but judging from the first third of it, it is both well-written and well-acted. There are a few things that I am not a fan of, but on the whole Lee Dohyun's performance is wonderful and I have already cried buckets.

Other honourable mentions:

100 Days My Prince: historical drama. Prince caught in an assassination plot, loses his memory, wakes up in a village right when the king issues a marriage law that results in his marrying the spirited 'spinster'.

Still 17/Thirty But Seventeen: 17 year old violin prodigy in a coma after an accident, wakes up when she's 30; the boy who inadvertently caused the accident runs into her again after she wakes up and helps her adjust to her new life. Lots of wacky humour, very sweet!!

#as per usual this is horrendously long #but i hope that this is helpful!!#k-dramas in the past have had some pretty questionable male leads #as in: the aggressively alpha male lead who thinks kindergarten bullying is a form of flirting #and i am very Not Here for that #so my favourite dramas tend to have Oak/Tilney/Wentworth-style male leads #ALSO!! storytelling in Eastern media takes a different approach than Western media #so it is so interesting to me to watch dramas like Goblin and 18 Again that take a pretty unconventional approach #songbird again

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ttttaehyungie · 4 years

Text

sincerely, but no longer yours | chapter 1

sincerely, but no longer yours | ex!kim namjoon x reader

☘ genre | angst, exes au

☘ summary | It started as a coping mechanism as getting the words out provided a form of catharsis. But now you can’t stop writing these love letters, even with the knowledge that they’ll never get sent. After all, who writes love letters to their ex?

☘ word count | 4k

☘ rating | PG-13

☘ warnings | some fairly heavy angst, breakup

☘ a/n | ok SO I’m finally working on a multi-chap for the first time in forever :o and ofc this is the first series that i’m working on in this blog! alsooo am kinda ashamed to admit that i’ve actually NEVER finished a series ever 🙈🙈 sooo this is a challenge from me @ myself 🤭 so yes come along with me for this ride hahahah and pls kick my butt if i leave this series as another one in the unfinished pile

You can have Manhattan, ‘cause I can’t have you -- Sara Bareilles, Manhattan

Pulling your jacket around you a little tighter to keep the bite of the night air at bay and hitching your duffel bag a little higher up your shoulder, you board the bus. The bus conductor asks for your ticket and you let go of it for the first time since you bought it, giving him the flimsy paper that’s now imprinted with the shape of your thumb under the stress of your tight grip as you held onto it like a lifeline. After a quick inspection, he passes it back to you and you take it from him wordlessly.

“Hey.” You look up at the conductor in surprise, gaze finally torn from where it had remained on the ground all this time. “You alright?”

You don’t allow yourself to consider the question lest the tears come and you cause a bigger scene than you already have. With a tight-lipped smile that probably isn’t fooling anyone, you nod at him, and traipse to the back of the bus before he can probe any further.

The comfort of the back corner of the bus brings you the tiniest smidge of relief, especially after you place your duffel bag on the seat next to you, creating a barrier between you and the rest of the bus. Not that there would be many people, if any at all, at such a late timing. Nonetheless, the little bubble created by your makeshift barricade brings you some security as you settle into your chosen seat gingerly, as if you would shatter to pieces if your movements were too rough. Your emotional state sure feels that way, fragile and on the brink of falling apart any time now.

You’re not sure how much time passes before the bus doors finally shut and it begins pulling out of the bay. It carries a sense of finality. You’re really going home. The cityscape, drenched in the black and orange hues of nightfall, goes past as you watch through the window- slowly at first, then becoming a blur as the vehicle picks up in speed. The plans you had for the weekend are now truncated and left behind with the city.

The emptiness hits you once again when the bus pulls onto the freeway and the city sights are completely gone. Only the inky black of the night sky accompanies you now. You are alone. On this bus, yes, but in more ways than that too. You let that fact sink in.

It’s too dangerous to let your thoughts overtake you right now, so you occupy yourself by playing Sudoku puzzles on your phone, which has strategically been placed on airplane mode. The methodical problem-solving that the puzzle requires of you submerges your mind in a sea of numbers. Which is your intention. And before you know it, the bus is slowing down and you look up from your device to the familiar scenery of your hometown. On any other day, it would fill you with warmth, but right now it doesn’t.

Now having arrived at your destination, you gather your belongings and alight from the bus. It’s just a daypack and your duffel bag which is bursting at the seams with how many items you crammed into it. You would have brought a suitcase if you knew, but how were you to predict the events of tonight? Though, you surmise, you should have seen it coming and could have prepared yourself better.

You’re trudging home and you’re maybe ten minutes away when it begins raining. Great. As if this day could get any worse. It makes your clothes stick to you in that cloying way and the chill from the night has you shivering almost violently now. But you plough on home, only focusing on getting one foot in front of the other and repeat, repeat, repeat.

Finally at your front door, it’s a struggle to get the key in the door with how badly your hand is shaking. Whether it’s from the cold or something else, you’re not sure anymore at this point. After countless tries, you finally manage to jam it in and turn it quickly so you can just get into the safety of your home.

The noise that results from the way you throw your duffel bag and daypack down, your rain-soaked jacket quickly following suit to form a messy, wet heap in the middle of the entryway, announces your arrival. Hoseok pops his head out from the archway that leads to the living room, the sounds probably interrupting his late-night Netflix binge.

“____?” You can hear the concern in his voice, and you refuse to look at him, instead focusing on wrenching your sodden shoes off of your tired feet. “Where’s Joonie?”

The mention of his name causes something like a switch to flip in you. Your brain finally, finally catches up with reality, and the numbness you lulled yourself into for the past few hours dissipates just like the pricking of a balloon. It leaves you gasping in pain, the way the emotions suddenly come flooding through you. The hurt viciously demands to be felt.

With a shaky exhale, you look Hoseok in the eye. The gravity of tonight’s events finally cements itself in your brain and the tears you’d been holding back come spilling out uncontrollably as you mumble your next words out brokenly.

“We broke up.”

It’s been weeks since you and Namjoon broke up. The constant cloud of desolation that plagued your every waking moment in the immediate aftermath of the breakup has finally eased up somewhat.

Being a high school senior turned out to be a lifebuoy in some ways, giving you solid things to cling onto in the midst of your emotions of loss and confusion. It’s not healthy, you know, but the academic content provided a sense of constancy that you sorely needed and the rigor of it all kept your mind from wandering too far into the depths of your sorrow.

Yet you knew this could only go on for so long. At some point, these emotions will eat you up from the inside out if not acknowledged and sorted out. Pain is just like that, it will gnaw at you with subtlety but with certainty. Repressing the feelings is just simply unsustainable.

You’re really lucky to have an older brother like Hoseok. That first night, when you finally broke down and let the tears turn into sobs that wracked through your entire being, he’d quickly gathered you up into his arms and had given you a shoulder to cry on. God knows how long you spent in that state bawling seemingly endlessly, but Hoseok had let you just get it all out without asking any questions, the immensity of his patience and quiet strength of his presence lending you a pillar of support that you desperately needed at the time. Later that night, when you were showered and tucked in warm under the covers, you watched through puffy eyes as he unpacked your belongings from your duffel bag and carefully wiped them dry or chucked them into the laundry basket as was appropriate.

When he reached for your daypack, you stopped him. You were barely able to croak out your opposition, your throat raw and wrecked from the earlier barrage of emotions. Still, Hoseok caught it, and nodded empathetically. He respected your wishes for privacy and only wiped the exterior of your daypack down before leaving it in the corner of your room.

And in the corner it remained. Aside from your absolute necessities, which was really just your keys and your wallet, you’d procrastinated unpacking your daypack. Till now, that is.

Not that there was much to unpack anyway. Most of the possessions you’d retrieved from Namjoon’s dorm room that night had been hastily dumped into your duffel bag in the single-minded mission to get out of there as soon as possible. You know exactly what items remain in the daypack- a bottle of water, a pair of shades, some chapstick, surprise tickets you’d bought online to a movie from that fateful weekend that went unused, and an envelope tucked away safely in the inner pocket of the bag.

The daypack and its contents weighed on your mind the same way it sat in the corner of your room- silent, untouched, yet unbudging. It’s plain silly how afraid you’ve been to confront these items, items that are inanimate and void of meaning apart from what you yourself have ascribed to them. In an attempt to hold off the full brunt of your misery, somehow you’d deluded yourself into thinking that leaving the daypack as it is would preserve things as they once were. You lived in self-denial, as if the breakup had not happened. As if the weekend trip just had not taken place at all, and was waiting to happen instead. The daypack was waiting for you to sling it over your shoulders as you head jovially out the door to the city and to the arms of your boyfriend.

But no. You heave out a sigh. Things have changed. You and Namjoon are no longer together. Holding onto a delusion is ridiculous, and you need to move on. And the first step to doing that is to get rid of this centerpiece that your fantasy revolves around.

The items in the bag get dumped onto the carpeted ground of your room unceremoniously as you unzip the daypack, turn it upside down, and shake out the contents. Whatever mystique you’ve built up around these simple items is now shattered as they lay scattered on the floor. The shades and chapstick return to your dressing table, the bottle of water and expired movie tickets get dumped out. And the envelope… you throw it into your desk drawer and slam it shut before the temptation to tear it open overtakes you.

That was the first of many letters that were written, but never got sent.

You never intended to make it a thing. It just… happened one day. Staying focused on school and college applications could only provide so much distraction from the whirling emotions bottled up inside you. No matter how tightly you attempted to keep a lid on it, wistful nostalgia still crept up uninvited.

And naturally so. This neighborhood, your high school, heck even your own house is filled with the ghost of the memory of him. Namjoon had been a significant presence in your life before he was even really yours. You still remember the day Hoseok brought his newfound friend home, Namjoon’s lips pressed tightly together in his attempts to keep his sniffles and tears in, his knees scraped, bruised, and bleeding from what looked like a pretty hard fall on the playground.

“Mum!” Hoseok had called out. “I need band aids!”

“Hello,” Namjoon mumbled when your mum came hurrying out of the kitchen to see what was wrong. “Sorry to be a bother.”

Namjoon had always been a klutz, but it was his clumsiness that had birthed the close friendship between him and Hoseok. After one too many accidents on the playground, Namjoon had been too scared to go home to face the inevitable reprimanding that would come. Hoseok had offered to patch him up at yours instead, and the camaraderie that arose from that incident had sealed their friendship as an unbreakable one. Unfortunately, as big as Hoseok’s heart was, his little seven-year-old hands were not the gentlest. From your spot at the top of the staircase, peering through the grills, you saw how Namjoon winced at Hoseok dabbing antiseptic on his knees, and you came bounding down the steps to rescue the stranger that sat on your family’s sofa and that had somehow wormed his way into a soft spot in your heart with his teary pout.

“Hoseok,” you demanded, your tiny hand outstretched and waiting, voice tinged with petulance. “Give me.”

Hoseok relinquished the first aid items to you and watched as you cleaned his new friend up, your brow furrowed in careful focus, little hands fumbling but your touch delicate. After you applied the twin band aids on both of Namjoon’s knees with all the meticulousness that a five-year-old could muster up, you patted his thigh and smiled at him.

“All done!” you declared. And you’d never forget the sight of his dimpled smile beaming up at you in response.

If only you could. You shake your head, as if it would shake the memories away. The paper before you on your desk remains as blank as it was twenty minutes ago when you sat down to get started on revision. But having known Namjoon for over a decade made it too easy for you to just get swept away by the deluge of memories of him. You tried to keep it in, but it kept leaking out. And perhaps that’s what you need- to just let it out.

The first touch of the pen to paper has you pausing, wondering how you were even supposed to start. But the moment you begin- Dear Namjoon, - everything comes spilling out in prose. Hardly having to pause what with the way your thoughts just keep flooding out onto the paper, the inked words flowing out in streams, you finally let go of the firm grip you’d kept on your feelings up till now and express your frustration, your loss, your confusion all out in one huge cathartic spew. You write till you feel emotionally dry, but in a satisfying way, chest feeling lighter than it had in weeks. But as your ballpoint pen swirls the complimentary closing- Sincerely Yours- you can’t help but laugh at the sardonic humor embedded in it. The sincerity in your words is irrefutable. But you’re no longer his.

Folding it up and sealing it away in an envelope, you chuck the letter into your desk drawer where it joins its predecessor. Now with a clearer mind, and a renewed focus and vigor, you’re finally able to set to work on the mountain of revision materials that await you.

The first letter was a gushing myriad of feelings. But the subsequent letters solidified into one obviously discernible emotion- anger.

Once you came to terms with the fact that he’s not coming back, and that he basically threw away the relationship, it had you boiling mad. How much had you sacrificed for this relationship?! You’d basically shuttled back and forth between your hometown and the city almost every other weekend to visit him on campus, juggling your family and your grades and your friends back home and college applications just to make your long-distance relationship work. And how did he repay your efforts? By withdrawing from you and refusing to talk things out despite your gentle, persistent probing. You’d heard that he’d been in a slump and confused about the future- Hoseok, while his best friend, was your brother after all- but you’d never imagined he’d be confused about you.

And so you took your rage out on paper once again, your words harsh as you wrote candidly. It’s not like he’d ever get to see it anyway.

But anger is tiring. After penning a few letters full of scathing lines you’d never have the guts to actually spit out in person, your wrath was quelled and soon gave way to grief.

In the same way with your anger, you chose not to deny your sadness, but leaned into it instead. The end of your relationship was something worth mourning, you decided, and you let yourself embrace the sorrow fully and deeply. It was especially difficult knowing that he was still in contact with Hoseok, while you had been completely cut out of his life. But you can’t blame either of them- you can’t demand that they revoke their friendship over what happened between you and Namjoon, nor would you ever desire for that to happen. Hoseok, on his part, managed it to the best he could, taking his phone calls in a room separate from you. But you can’t control the wave of dejection that runs through you whenever you spy Namjoon’s name on his caller ID.

You’re used to the routine by now. Whenever the emotions get too overwhelming, whenever there’s just too much that you want to say to him but that you can’t, you engage in the therapeutic act of writing your letters. Then you seal them up, and chuck them away, out of sight and out of mind. The grief gets easier to deal with too, especially with the excitement of receiving college acceptance letters and your high school graduation date that’s drawing closer and closer.

Of course, that in itself brings its own strand of sadness too, as you imagine having to separate from your friends and family and leave your childhood home behind. But the notion of getting to carve out the path to your future leaves a giddy anticipation that overshadows all other feelings.

And in that strange, paradoxical way that time seems to pass in- every hour ticking by so slowly, but the weeks whizzing by in the blink of an eye- it’s just as your five-year-old self had once proclaimed, “All done!”

Your life now packed into boxes that are piled into the car, one last check of your room to ensure that nothing important is left behind, a final look at the place you called home for all your life up to now, and you’re off to college. As you watch the sight of your neighborhood through the rearview mirror pull further and further away till it disappears entirely, you know you’re leaving tons of memories behind. Memories of Namjoon, yes, but also memories of your growing up years with your family and friends who have made you into who you are today, able to venture out and face the world with courage and confidence.

Maybe it’s that experience of individuation that has you finally accepting it. No more whirlpool of emotions, no more anger, no more grief, no more emptiness. Just peace. You’re single, separated from Namjoon. And you’re ready to take on the world and live your life like the boss woman you are.

“____,” Hoseok wails, pouting as he approaches you with outstretched arms. You barrel into him, relishing the warmth of his embrace and stowing it away for the days ahead. His eyes rove over you as he holds you at arms length so he can take you in for the last time in a while. He sighs. “My baby sister is all grown up and going to college and away from me.”

You laugh. “I’m still in the country, Hoseokie, it’s not like I’m halfway across the world. You can come and visit anytime.”

“But you’ve never lived further than a minute’s walk from my room. How am I supposed to deal with you being hours away from me now?”

“You’ll get over it soon, you big baby.” You duck out under his arms and slap his butt with the playful affection that’s always characterized your sibling relationship. Your parents are waiting by the door of your dorm room and you go over to give them their share of goodbye hugs.

“Thank you for all the help with moving and unpacking today,” you say, voice muffled as you speak into your dad’s chest. He strokes your head and you lean into his touch and savor it.

“You’ve got one more box there, you sure you don’t want our help with that?”

“No, it’s fine, I can handle it.”

It gets increasingly hard to hold the tears back and the difficulty only spikes tenfold when you turn to see your mum holding back tears of her own. Her perfume and her own natural scent that lies underneath that that you inhale as you hide your face in her neck while the two of you hug very nearly pushes you over the brink. But you manage. Knowing your family, it’s a given that someone will shed tears at some point, and you’re all (barely) holding it together for each other.

Hoseok comes up to hug you from behind so that you’re now sandwiched between him and your mum, which only prompts your dad to envelop all of you in his arms too.

“If it ever doesn’t work out- not saying that it won’t, because you’re super smart and the most driven kid I’ve ever known- but just, IF ever,” Hoseok rambles into your hair, “you can always come home and teach at the dance studio with me, ok?”

“Thanks Hoseokie. But you know I have two left feet, so I don’t think that’s gonna happen.”

“They’ll make an exception for you. I’ll make them make an exception for you.”

You laugh and extricate yourself from the group hug through a series of wiggles that only provides further proof of why you’ll never make it as a dance instructor the way your brother has.

“Ok, it’s getting late and you guys still have a long drive ahead of you.” You shoo them out of your room. After your final goodbyes, you return to your room quickly, knowing that the sight of their figures leaving would be unbearable.

Needing a distraction, you busy yourself with unpacking your last box of belongings. It’s nothing too difficult- your family had spent the afternoon helping you with the major to-dos like wiping things down and setting up your larger decor and lighting fixtures (read: copious amounts of fairy lights strung everywhere) just the way you liked it. All that remains now are some photos with friends, the few pieces of jewelry you owned, your humble make-up collection... and a shoe box stuffed full of letters that you didn’t dare to leave back at home where it would be at risk of being discovered by prying eyes in your absence.

Finding a place for your various items was a simple task to complete. Within ten minutes you were done unpacking, washed up, and tucked into bed for your first night ever living apart from your family. You roll over onto your side- your sleeping environment may be different, but your side-sleeper habits will never change.

As you peer out the window and take in the campus sights that seem foreign now but that you know will become familiar in time, you’re struck with a funny thought. What a turn of events your life has taken.

This is not the dorm room nor the campus you thought you’d be attending all those months ago when you were making your way down to the city. You’d embarked on that trip in gleeful anticipation at being able to deliver the good news to Namjoon, only to have that trip abruptly cut short, and the news remained in an envelope that never got to its intended recipient.

That weekend triggered a rerouting of your life, setting you on a new path that had brought you here to this campus instead. Not that you regret it, or feel like you settled for something less, not at all. You’re at peace with your decisions. It’s just an intriguing thought that things could have turned out so differently if that one weekend hadn’t happened, is all.

On impulse, you clamber out of bed to retrieve the shoe box that you’d shoved into the corner of your closet. Rifling through the stack- wait, did you really write this many letters?- you finally find the envelope you’re looking for.

Tearing it open gingerly, you pull out the sheets of paper contained within. It’s a rueful kind of feeling that washes over you as you skim over the words that you’d written back in what feels like an entire lifetime ago. The excitement you had felt at the prospect of the long-distance aspect of your relationship finally coming to an end after two long years was blatant in your letter.

But when it became obvious that Namjoon had gotten tired of trying to make things work, what you’d initially thought of as the golden ticket to saving your relationship turned out to be fool’s gold instead. You pull up the second sheet of paper- a photocopy of your acceptance letter to the same college your then boyfriend was attending- and you can’t help the ‘what if’s that fill your mind as you run your thumb over the college emblem.

Guess your dreams of a future where you lived in the city and where Namjoon was still in your life would remain just that- a dream.

Or so your naive college self believed.

#btswriterscollective #btswritingcafe #btsbookclub #btswritersguild #ficswithluv #bts fic #bts angst #bts exes au #bts x reader #namjoon fic #namjoon angst #namjoon exes au #namjoon x reader #knj fic #knj angst #knj exes au #knj x reader

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allthingshetalia · 4 years

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Oh my fucking god I absolutely loved your post about the axis with an s/o who rejected them because they thought they weren't good enough, I also L O V E your attitude on this blog you sound like such a nice person to be around 💕!! I was wondering if you could do the forementioned post but with the allies. Thank you so much in advance! ❤❤

💕omg thank you so much!!! I like to think I am lol you made my day! Thank you💕

America

The American stared at you, causing you to shift nervously. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his greasy hair.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you!” You gulped. “I’m just not good enough.” You mumbled the last part and shifted nervously from foot to foot.

It was 3 weeks ago today when the American confessed his feelings for you, and what did you do? Tell him you didn’t feel the same way. Oh and Let’s not forget to mention it was his birthday. The only gift he wanted was you being his little precious sidekick, but instead all he got was a blurred out explanation of how you don’t feel the same why and you running out of his house. It was during his party when he pulled you into his room and confessed. Once you left he didn’t bother to leave his room. He locked his bedroom door and didn’t come out till a few days later.

You missed him dearly. And that was how you ended up in his house right now. You were shocked to see the happy American looking so lost and depressed.

Alfred groaning brought you out of your trance. He had his elbows on the kitchen island and his head buried in his hands. His back was hunched and he rubbed at his face. “Alfie.” You mumbled. You were more and more worried the longer you spent with him. You finally got the courage to walk over to him. Your hand reached out and tugged at his shirt sleeve, like a small child.

“How could you think you aren’t good enough for me? I’m not even close to being good! This whole time I thought I would not only have to lose the one I love, but also lose my best friend.” He stood up straight so he was looking down at you. His serious expression was one that always sent shiver down your spine. You winced and decided to be bold. You threw your arms around his waist and buried your face in his shoulder. He quickly returned you hug and pressed his cheek against the top of your head. You pulled away from the hug slightly.

“Can we start over?” You begged. He smiled slightly and rested his head against you forehead.

“You have a deal.”

England

“Will you please talk to me!” You shouted. You followed the angered Brit through his house as he went from room to room trying avoid you.

“Why so you can leave me again?” He spat. Your heart clenched at his words and your hand darted out gripping onto his shoulder.

“Artie please!” He groaned, but finally stopped, causing you to almost run into his back. “I didn’t mean what I said okay! I-I Just”- You stuttered. You groaned and rested your forehead against his back.

“You what?” He asked, urging you to continue.

“I’m not good enough or you.” You whimpered. Hot tears welled up in your eyes and your throat tightened. You felt Arthur’s whole body tense and he quickly turned around to face you. As soon as he saw your tears he gently cupped your face all anger in his body gone.

“What on earth are you talking about, love?”

“I mean, I know you don’t see it but you really are a wonderful person. You’re smart, witty, handsome, and you’re always nice and protective of me. And I’m nothing special. I’m just your average human.” A tear escaped your eye but was quickly brushed away. Arthur’s emerald eyes also threatened to boil over with a few tears. He had no idea you thought so highly of him- and so lowly of yourself.

“You also forgot to mention I’m hot-headed, stubborn, and sometimes just flat out rude.” He chuckled softly. He pressed his forehead against yours. “And you my dear, are anything but average. You are smart, caring, absolutely radiant and nothing less but extraordinary.”

France

“You’re being dramatic!” You shouted. You looked down at the disheveled Frenchman standing right below your balcony. It has been a week since you ‘rejected’ him. Well technically you did reject him, but not because you didn’t like him. You adored him actually, but he was just so perfect that you didn’t know if you would even feel comfortable dating him. Since then he has not left you alone.

“I am not being dramatic! I am a man in love! A man in love is excusable for any act he commits!” Francis shouted. You cringed especially as people walking stopped to watch the scene unfold. You groaned softly and motioned for him to come up. You ran to your door and buzzed him up to your apartment. You swore you could hear him hurdling himself up the stairs and within a few seconds your door flew open. Francis immediately lunges at you, falling to his knees. He wrapped his arms tightly around you pressing his face into your stomach.

“See dramatic!” You huffed poking the top of his head. He did nothing but mumble French words of adoration and thanks into your stomach.

“Will you please tell me what I did! I know you love me! And I don’t mean that in a conceited way. I can see it in your eyes because they shine like mine, with pure love.” He finally stood up and looked at you with desperately. You rolled your eyes at his words and shifted nervously from foot to foot.

“I-I.” You started. You ran a hand through your hair and flopped down on the couch. Francis quickly followed and placed your head on his lap running a soothing hand through your hair. “I’m not good enough for you.” You said finally. You waited a moment for him to agree with you but when you looked up at him he stared at you with his mouth agape and his blue eyes wide.

“You’re lying aren’t you! Whatever the reason is I promise you my precious little rose, you are the only one I will love till the day my country vanishes and I no longer exist!” He swore. The fact he said it so sincerely, made you blush. He really was committed wasn’t he?

“I’m not lying! I’m really not good enough for you.” You sighed sitting up. You turned so you could face him. Francis’ finger tilted your head up so you would look at him.

“How could you think that? You are one of the most angelic, fascinating creatures that have ever walked this earth and I’m not leaving your side until you believe that.”

Not suppose to be sexual!

Russia

The large Russian glared down at you angrily. If you were anyone else you would have tried to flee for you life right now.

He bent down and picked you up so you were eye to eye. You instinctively wrapped your arms around his shoulders and you let your legs dangle at his side.

You winced as his gaze never softened.

“Why are you so mad?” You whispered. You had rejected him a week ago. You would think the fact that you lived with him it would be impossible to avoid each other but the large Russian didn’t leave his room. Until he trudged downstairs demanding an answer. You said you didn’t think you were good enough for him, and that you loved him back, but you felt he deserved someone better. And since then he has been giving you the death glare.

“I’m mad because my Sunflower doesn’t know her worth.” He growled. You looked at him curiously. “How can someone so innocent and pure even begin to compare themselves to someone like me?” He asked rhetorically.

“You’re not as bad as you think you are, Vanya.” You soothed. His eyes softened slightly and his large nose brushed against yours.

“I don’t ever what to hear you say anything like that again.” He pressed a quick and light kiss against your lips. “I don’t deserve you and that doesn’t stop me.” He chuckled lightly.

China

He laughed when you told him.

“I’m just not good enough for you!”

It took him a moment to figure out that that is actually what you believed.

“You are crazy, young one.” He sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. This whole time he thought you had rejected him because you didn’t think he was good enough for you, but now it was the other way around. He knew you loved him but he didn’t know to what extent. He didn’t know if you saw him more as a guiding figure or a lover figure. When he confessed he braced himself for rejection. You could have almost anyone you wanted afterall.

He could promise you love, protection and security. And good food. But he didn’t know if that would be enough for you. When you rejected him he took it very well. He smiled and kissed the top of your head like he always did and assured you that he had no hard feeling and that he didn’t want a single thing to change. And things didn’t change for a while. You still hung out with him almost everyday. You still had sleepovers, still watched movies and ate dinner together. Laughed and joked. Drank tea together. But the subject came around again.

You wondered if he actually loved you. If you had confessed and he rejected you, you would have been bawling your eyes out for the past month. “I will always love you and I just want you to be happy more than anything.” Is what he told you. You then confessed that he was what you wanted. You had been holding it in every time you visited and it finally bubbled over, you then decided you should tell him why you rejected him in the first place.

“You are just shy of perfect.” He smiled. “And that is something people spend years trying to obtain.”

Canada

“Are you insane!” The Canadian yelled. You jumped at his volume. “First you reject me and now you’re saying that you lied and you actually do love me?” He asked. He was much quieter than before, trying to wrap his head around it.

“Yes! I know, that was a horrible thing to do.” He nodded his head in agreement. “We both know you deserve better!” You explained. Matthew quickly stopped in his tracks turning to you with a shocked face.

“That’s why you rejected me? Because you didn’t think you were good enough?” He whispered in disbelief. You nodded your head slowly. Two large arms quickly wrapped themselves around your form. “Maple How could you ever think that?” He sighed.

“You’re Just always so nice. You stand up for other people, you protect them.” Tears started to flow down your cheeks at this point. “You’re hilarious, you’re a great cool. You’re so handsome! I just don’t get why you would want me.” You murmured. You pressed yourself deeper into the large Canadians chest.

“What I see in you?” He chuckled softly. He pulled away from you slightly and cupped your face in his calloused hands. “I see one of the most beautiful, intelligent, strong, and incredible people ever, and I don’t know how you can’t see that, but I guess it’s a good thing or else you would get cocky.” He chuckled.

#allthingshetalia #hetalia #hetalia blog #hetalia imagines #hetalia imagine blog #x reader #china hetalia #russia hetalia #america hetalia #canada hetalia #england hetalia #france hetalia #hetalia imagine #hetalia headcons #hetalia headcannons #hetalia fluff

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urluwu · 4 years

Text

A Character Analysis on Pan

A small character analysis/defense on Pan (spoilers up until EP. 11)

Before I begin talking about Pan, who was also crying buckets after EP. 11 aired?? SERIOUSLY, the actors in this show are ALL phenomenal. Every single character that cried this episode, made me want to fcking CRY A RIVER.

After watching this episode, I honestly loved how well thought-out every single character was written, including Pan. However, when I was scrolling through the comments I was actually quite surprised that there were a handful of people who actually disliked Pan. I think everyone is pretty much entitled to their opinion, but I would like to take a closer look at who Pan is and why she does the thing she does.

To start, let’s focus on Pan’s insecurities.

Pan is someone who feels like she is undeserving of love. Someone who feels like she’s not enough. I think at one point in our lives, we all felt this way. The feeling of never being enough to anyone, lacking the courage to do what we really want to do because we feel as though we are inadequate.

It’s also the key reason why I think Pan escapes to the fantasy world. A world where she can freely ship the person she likes with anyone she wants - her small happy space. The crazy fanfics, the over the top shipping, isn’t it to distract herself from her own pain? When you break it down, isn’t that like most of us? Watching movies, reading fanfics, reading books, it’s like a break from our own mind and immersing ourselves into something else. Yes she’s a crazy fangirl, but she’s, as cliche as it sounds, very human.

It’s also why I love Pan (and in extension Soda). Fangirls in films (AND IN REAL LIFE) are always displayed as crazy lunatics with absolutely no brain cells, and yes, there are people that are extremely intense, however that’s NOT the majority. Yes, Pan and Soda can be over the top with their imagination, but their intentions were never to hurt anybody. So, the moment their fanfic caused a problem, Pan apologized to whom it directly hurt.

I think this scene in particular showcases one of Pan’s strong points but also one of her weak points. She is someone who wants to do the right thing (note on the word: want). However, what she thinks is the right thing to do can very much backfire on her.

This leads to one of the main reason, I think, people don’t like Pan. The way she makes decisions in Kim’s body without his consent.

This is where people’s opinions diverge, while you can state that Pan is a selfish character for doing whatever hell she wants in his body, I would argue otherwise.

Let’s be clear: Pan never asked to be put into Kim’s body.

From the start, she didn’t want it. She actively protested against it and continually said it throughout the series.

You could argue that just because she never asked for it, doesn’t mean she should do the things that could hurt others.

And, I would say you’re right.

In EP. 10, Pan decides to reject Way’s confession as Kim. In retrospect, she shouldn’t do that because the person Way confessed to was Kim, not Pan.

However, Pan thinks this is right way to handle this affair. Dating a guy that dates his teacher while also cheating on various exams, isn’t exactly someone she pictured her crush, Way, to be with.

In all honestly, she’s doing this because the good guy she believed Kim to be, wasn’t all that squeaky clean. From the very start, Pan has stated she wanted Way to be with someone good.

After she finds out Kim isn’t exactly a good guy. She becomes persistent in rejecting him.

until...she’s proven wrong.

This is one of Pan’s greatest trait. The ability to reflect on her mistakes and making attempts to make amends.

The moment she realized that her perception of Kim was wrong, that she doesn’t have the whole picture, is when she corrects herself.

She does what she thinks is right. She gets it wrong. She works to make it right again.

I admire this about Pan.

When I was a teenager, the amount of things that I got wrong, the things I didn’t correct, but should’ve still linger on my mind. If you’re still a teen and think that you haven’t made mistakes or that the morals you hold now will forever be the same, I would say - wait. The more your world broadens, the more you realize that you were being quite small-minded. When I think about my past, I think there were people I should’ve apologized to properly, people I should’ve treasured more dearly and people I should’ve tried to understand better.

And Pan, a teenage girl manages to do just that.

Pan is not a flawless character by any means, but to call her a character that is selfish and stupid undermines her strengths. If she was truly a selfish character, she would’ve rejected Way even when she found Kim wasn’t as bad as she thought he was.

Pan is someone who cares, she cares a whole lot.

EP. 11 hits on this point even further.

Khet, our resident observer, says this about Pan.

“You should stop thinking about other people.” THIS.

If you don’t believe Pan is actually someone who is selfless from ME, at least believe it from our resident softboi-goodboi-deserves a happy end boi, KHET.

When we get to the climax of the story, Pan has to choose whether to be in her own body or pretend to be Kim for the rest of her life.

And she is conflicted, extremely conflicted.

Sure, it’s easy to say, “she should just go back to her own body”...but the reason she decides against it is all the more heartbreaking.

The first reason being Kim’s family.

Kim has a family that needs and loves him. Something Pan notices firsthand. She watches Khet suffer, believing fully that his brother is gone and that he can no longer rectify the relationship he has with his brother.

Pan has stated prior that Khet was always someone that was by her side when she was troubled.

Even in this particular episodes, he tries to hold a calm front in front of her, only to bawl when she’s not looking.

Pan recognizes this and seeing the person who’s been comforting her this entire time is something she doesn’t think light of.

The second reason...is her own family.

This part had me on the verge of tears.

Pan’s only family, is someone that’s not even blood related to her. Her mom and dad aren’t around anymore and the only person she can call family is her step-dad.

However, she never fully acknowledges him as her dad...because of her guilt. The guilt that she’s a burden and someone who shouldn’t exist. Knowing that her existence is causing everyone to suffer, isn’t an easy pill to swallow.

The moment Pan realizes that her step-dad is suffering and that he’s in debt because of her medical fees, the guilt only gets worst.

The only person she can call family, is the person she’s hurting the most. The feeling that if you didn’t exist would make things better for the people you love is one of the most painful realizations.

Even if you know that they care, even if you know they’d want you alive. That doubt, even that 10% chance that they’ll live an easier life if you weren’t around, will always be in the back of your mind.

And that’s exactly what Pan thinks.

She can’t help but think that if there’s a chance she could stop being his burden, maybe he’ll get a second chance a life.

A life where he doesn’t have to hold back for her.

This leads to her conclusion:

She sees that Kim has a reason to be alive.

He has a family to take care of.

He has a brother to make amends with.

He has someone who is waiting for him.

And Pan?

If she returns in her body, the only thing she’ll be is a burden to the one person she calls family.

Through her confliction and confusion, Pan has determined that Kim has more reasons to live than her.

Fortunately, there is one person in her life that argues otherwise.

Khet (I love him so much and whoever doesn’t like him, I don’t get you on a personal level. I can make another post abt him too), calls Pan out on her insecurities.

He asks her if she thinks she’s not important.

This topic has been touched upon throughout the series. Pan’s lack of self-confidence and believing that she isn’t good enough.

Haven’t most of us been there? Feeling insignificant, feeling pathetic and just...plain ol’ useless.

Again, Khet reiterates this...

Pan...is thinking about what’s right for everyone.

She really is.

A selfish act is something you do for yourself, but is giving up on her body to be Kim something a selfish person does?

Khet instantly recognizes this and calls her out on it.

But that’s not what gets Pan to do anything. It’s when he says this:

It’s when he says this, that she thinks about what she should do for Kim.

Her next action was to rectify the situation between Kim, Way and her. To make sure Way understands what is happening (and boy is this boy clueless LOLL).

Let me clearly point out that her next point of action was not for herself, but to figure out what is the right thing to do for Kim.

Again, solidifying her selfless nature.

I would even go as far to say that the two selfless characters in the show are actually Pan and Khet. The way those two try to look out for one another is quite sweet.

To end this rather long character analysis (i swear i was going to make it short LMAO), Pan is a well-written character.

From her wild antics to her insecurities, the writers clearly depicted a life of a fangirl.

A little intense, but sweet nevertheless.

Pan, I believe is a self-less character, doesn’t know her strengths or self-worth but always tries to do what she thinks is right. It’ll go wrong, she’ll fuck up, but her heart is always at the right place.

I love her a lot and I hope more people appreciate the character that is Pan!

#the shipper #theshippertheseries #the shipper khet #the shipper kim #the shipper pan #the shipper way #the shipper soda #khetpan #ohm pawat #prigkhing sureeyaret #first kanaphan #fluke pusit #piploy #thaidrama #gmmtv #mypost

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hatsukeii · 4 years

Note

hi hi lovie!! can i request super soft, extra fluffy hcs for suga?? hmmm, like boyfriend!suga and how he’d act during a first day?? or what he’d be all like if was crushing on someone hehehe i’m soft :(

It’s Suga appreciation hours😗💕

I’m procrastinating on the Kunimi one lmao I need time to ✨research✨ since I’m not that familiar w members from other teams, don’t judge me haha-

And I also saw a comment on how someone wanted tall s/o hcs so like put it in the req box so I know who you want hcs of!!

🌫Sugawara🌫

✨Crushing✨

- Sugawara probably never realised he was crushing on you.

- He just thought of you as a very close friend.

- You guys have been friends since you were 3, there was no way he was ever gonna fall in love with you.

- Right?

- It wasn’t until you guys joined the volleyball club together as setter and manager did he start to feel weird.

- He caught himself focusing on how you wrote down notes for the team, instead of trying to set the ball during training.

- “Oi, Sugawara, there’s no time to be distracted. Focus on the game.”

- “O-oh, yeah.”

- He shook it off as just mere fascination for three whole fucking years, since he believed it was because you’ve grown so much since you guys were kids.

- Until you hugged him when the synchronised attack finally worked out, during yours and his third year.

- Sugawara was a blushing mess.

- He felt hot all over, and he started sweating more than any other teammate.

- “Good job Koushi, you finally did it.”

- “Tha-thanks.”

- Stutter? Did he just fucking stutter?

- This did not go unnoticed by Noya and Tanaka, who set up a plan to confront Sugawara.

- “Suga-san, we need some help!”

- “Oh, Nishinoya? Tanaka? What do you need help with?”

- “Okay so, I have a question. How does it feel like to like someone?”

- That was Nishinoya’s question.

- Sugawara was confused. Since when did they ask for relationship advice? But the setter, being team mom, was quick to answer.

- “I mean, I guess butterflies in your stomach, blushing, being distracted by that someone, I don’t know for sure. What? Do one of you guys have someone in mind?”

- The duo stared at their upperclassman, before cackling like madmen in the empty gym.

- “HAHAHHA SUGA YOU’RE SO CLUELESS!”

- By now, he was fully baffled.

- “Wh-what are you guys talking about?”

- “DUDE, YOU’RE WHIPPED FOR Y/N OVER THERE HOLY SHIT!”

- Instantly, the tips of the grey haired boy’s ears were beet red as he tried to play it off.

- “Whaaat? Me? No way! We’ve been friends forever, I can’t be whipped for her. We’re just friends.”

- Not very convincing.

- “Really? That? That’s a terrible excuse. Have you seen yourself around her?”

- “N-no?”

- “Well, you just described to us exactly how you act during training. And don’t think we didn’t hear your stuttering when she hugged you~!”

- By now, Sugawara was a blushing mess trying to convince himself these feelings were platonic, just like what you were doing to yourself.

- “I don’t have time for a relationship. I have to focus on my studies and volleyball for now. It’s my last year and I’m gonna have to study well enough to go to university.”

- That was what he tried to stick to.

- But you were attracting his attention more and more by the day.

- He started from maybe setting a few balls that were too short, to full on forgetting to set to people.

- All because he was staring at you.

- The days leading up to the Spring High matches, you were trying your best to comfort Sugawara, knowing how he feels about Kageyama replacing him as setter for the team.

- The night before the match against Aoba Johsai, you specifically picked out the funniest movies you could find on Netflix and brought your laptop, along with an entire bag of snacks over to his house, where the both of you laughed your asses off all night, without a worry in mind.

- When the day of the tournament came, you met up extra early with Sugawara to give him a good luck charm, along with a kiss on the cheek to lighten up his mood.

- He almost passed out on the spot.

- During the match, you cheered the loudest out of everyone in the stadium when his plan to set to Kageyama worked out. As well as when he successfully served towards their spiker. Everyone looked at you like you were fucking mental, but that didn’t matter.

- Hearing your cheers and encouragement from the sidelines, Sugawara instantly levelled up, scoring quite a few points for the team before going back to the bench.

- When they won, you ignored everyone else in the team and basically pounced onto the grey haired boy, hugging him like a teddy bear.

- “YOU MAD LAD! YOU FUCKING DID IT KOUSHI! YOU WERE FUCKING AMAZING OUT THERE OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT!”

- It wasn’t until you gave him that bone crushing hug, did something finally click in his mind.

- Nishinoya and Tanaka were right.

- He was completely whipped for you.

✨Confession✨

- “Nishinoya, Tanaka, I need your help.”

- “What is it Suga-san?”

- “How do I confess to Y/N?”

- Noya and Tanaka went fucking nuts in the Karasuno gym, their energy suddenly coming back to them even after the long training they just went through as preparation for the Shiratorizawa match.

- “OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY FUCKING CALM-”

- “What the fuck is up with you three?”

- A very, very confused Kiyoko walked out of the storage room.

- “SUGA SAN’S GONNA CONFESS TO Y/N-”

- “OI NISHINOYA I DON’T NEED THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWING!”

- A devilish smirk was plastered on Kiyoko’s face.

- “So Sugawara, you’re finally gonna confess to her? Took you long enough.”

- Sugawara fiddled with his fingers, not knowing how to respond.

- “I mean, just do it man, she’s pretty fond of you too, I can see you two being a thing. Besides I know for a fact she likes someone, but she’d rather die than tell me who it is. Not that she’s not obvious enough though, I suggest you go for it.”

- That stuck with him for quite a while.

- The three spent the entire night texting Sugawara on how to get you to return his feelings, not knowing there was no need to do so at all.

- You knew that the days leading up to the match against Shiratorizawa, Sugawara was staying up all night beating himself up over not being able to contribute to the team directly. Not wanting to feel useless, he spent all his free time thinking of strategies to use against the powerhouse school.

- You constantly texted him, reminding him to get enough rest, not wanting for him to get overly stressed and wear himself out.

- He might’ve replied normally, but if he could, he would’ve sent you all the hearts he could.

- Before the match against Shiratorizawa, he presented all his new strategies and tricks to the team, hoping that could benefit them.

- Whilst the other members hesitated, you were slowly getting pissed.

- “Suga-san, are you sure these will wor-”

- That’s when you snapped.

- “Oi brats, listen up. Koushi didn’t stay up until ungodly hours every single day leading up to this match creating tricks and strategies, for you to doubt his abilities. He’s been beating himself up about not being able to be on the volleyball court for as long as I can tell. Please just trust his ideas for god’s sake. He’s one of the most experienced people here when it comes to strategising. Let him contribute to the match, since this could be his last.”

- The entire team was taken aback by your almost threatening demeanour.

- “Y-yes!”

- The strategies worked perfectly against Shiratorizawa.

- You could see the look on Suga’s face while he was on the bench.

- Determination. Pure determination.

- He was subbed in during the final set, and was able to snatch a few points for Karasuno.

- You’ve never been prouder.

- When the final spike hit the opposite court, you went silent for a second.

- “Holy shit... HOLY FUCK YES!”

- You watched as the three third years froze, before their chests heaved heavily.

- The three seniors bundled together in a tight group hug, bawling their eyes out.

- Both you and Kiyoko were silently sobbing, laughing through the tears.

- As the Karasuno third years got out fo their group hug, you took the chance.

- If this were under normal circumstances, there was absolutely no way in hell you would’ve done what you did.

- You dashed towards Sugawara, one thing in mind.

- “O-oh, hey-”

- Silence.

- Not a person in the stadium made one fucking sound as you grabbed his collar and kissed him with everything you bottled up.

- A now very, very flushed Sugawara went rigid for a second, before letting his eyes close as he stayed in that position, his lips curling up into a smile as he wrapped his arms around your torso.

- You both pulled away, knowing this couldn’t last forever. The stadium was silent for a moment, before even louder cheers erupted, this time the Shiratorizawa and Karasuno students joining in.

- “WAAAAAAAA~ SUGA-SAN YOU FINALLY GOT HER!” -Nishinoya

- “I FUCKING KNEW SHE LIKED YOU I SWEAR I FUCKING KNEW IT.” -Kiyoko

- “Congratulations, Sugawara. You seem very happy about this.” -Ushijima

-“FJKESUNWITHEFHJDSHFOIUWECTNWIOEYEFHDS” -Everyone in the crowd

- “AHHHH THEY FINALLY DID IT. IN FRONT OF LIVE TV TOO. ABSOLUTE MADLADS.” -Kuroo and the rest of Nekoma watching on TV

- “SUGAAAAAA! YOU FINALLY GOT WITH HER!” -Bokuto and the rest of Fukurodani watching on TV as well

- You wrapped your arms around his neck, nuzzling his head into your shoulder, feeling his face continue to burn as the Karasuno members whistled behind you guys.

- “I’m so fucking proud of you right now Koushi. You were absolutely insane out there. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

- “Thank you. Thank you so much. So, you wanna be my girlfriend?”

- “Fuck yeah.”

✨First date✨

- Oh boy.

- For someone that has had no dating experience whatsoever, Sugawara sure was good at planning dates.

- Since the day you guys started dating, you’ve basically been inseparable.

- Suga was also doing exceptionally well in classes and training.

- Once the weekend approached, he texted you at like 7am, while you were still sleeping,

- You woke your ass up at 11am, checking your phone to see Sugawara’s name on the screen, along with a few texts.

- ‘Hey, you wanna go out with me later?’ -Kou💕

- ‘There’s a new amusement park opening around here and my dad got two tickets. Told me to treat you to a date.’ -Kou💕

- ‘Just reply to me when you see all this, dw about it xx’ -Kou💕

- Was that even a question? Of course you were down.

- ‘Ooh, sounds good. What time?’ -You

- ‘Oh, you finally saw it lmao, I can come pick you up at 3?’ -Kou💕

- ‘Sure thing!! Cya xx’ -You

- The two of you went to the amusement park together, finally getting to hold hands because of the relationship finally fucking being confirmed.

- He was literally such a gentleman.

- A gentleman wearing an oversized sweater with jeans and a pair of converse, but a gentleman nevertheless.

- From around you guys, you heard girls swooning over you two.

- “Damn, I wish I had a boyfriend that was that cute.”

- “Sister really be blessed, he’s so tall too....”

- “Isn’t that one of the players on Karasuno that beat Shiratorizawa?”

- “Holy shit, you managed to make me even more jealous.”

- The entire day was spent going on rides together, (Much to Suga’s dismay, he had slight motion sickness.) and trying to get plushies from claw machines.

- He ended up getting you this really cute taco plush, and in return you got him a burger one.

- Wouldn’t let you pay for dinner.

- “If I take you out, then I’m paying for food. No questions asked.”

- You forced him to go into a haunted house with you at night.

- The entire time he held onto you protectively, shoving you out of the way when people jumped at you two.

- You clung onto him for dear life.

- That night you two joked around way more than you ever have while heading back home.

- This was definitely better than any fictional crush you’ve ever had.

- Not even fanfictions made you this happy.

- And that’s saying something.

Holy SHIT I FINALLY FINISHED THIS. It’s 3am here I should really sleep but do I really care about my health? I don’t think so! :D

I hope you like it xx😗👉👈

#haikyuu x reader #anime #sugawara koushi #hq x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #hq headcanons #hq #hq suga #sugawara x reader

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