#also another point of jealousy/anger is that he’s like if a woman and a man had a baby (gender meme) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loggiepj · 1 year

Text

FORBIDDEN

Part 7 | Part 8

Part 9

AT THE CRACK of dawn, Pietro and Y/n journeyed on horseback towards Steve's camp, with fresh supplies in tow they disguised as merchandise if ever the encounter with a Deviant couldn't be avoided. The two had also disguised themselves as traders, with Y/n pretending to be a man.

News had somehow reached Y/n's ears that Deviants were looking for someone with Y/h/c hair and Y/e/c eyes; they were looking for her. She knew he was looking for her.

As a precaution, Yelena and another Avenger scouted the pathways last night to assure the roads were clear from any surprised attacks.

The entire camp was devastated when they found out what Deviants were doing to witches they had captured. The team was hesitant to reveal the information at first, but Y/n knew they deserved to know the truth, so they'd know the urgency of rendering more rescue missions even when winter was still at its peak.

Wanda took the lead on gathering more volunteers from her kind, teaching them what she knew and telling them that some humans could be trusted too.

This didn't go well with Vision when he found out about the unjust slaughter. He immediately complained, even raising anger along his peers, that all humans should be punished for what they have done. If Wanda weren't there to oppose his actions, he could create a mutiny within them.

This was what led Y/n to ask Pietro about Vision. Not because he was Wanda's soon-to-be-husband, no, Y/n reminded herself. But it wouldn't hurt to ask. Wanda deserved to be with someone good regardless.

"Tell me something about Vision," Y/n said.

"Mm?"

The snow wasn't too deep along the main road; the sound of their feet, the horses' and the wheels from their small cart scrunching against the soft ground filled the air. Y/n hesitated, hoping to let the sudden question go away. But she knew she wouldn't have the chance to ask Pietro alone later since he was always with Wanda or his friends.

"Is h-he . . . Is he a good person?"

Pietro sighed, immediately thinking about the reason why Y/n was asking. He thought she was worried about the camp's safety.

"You don't have to worry about him, Y/n," he answered, giving her a pursed smile. "He may be arrogant and self-absorbed, but he can be trusted. I even think he's softening around the others, too, if you ask me." He chuckles.

Y/n forced a laugh; jealousy rumbling in her stomach. She didn't bring it up anymore, settling on the fact that Vision and Wanda are together and she wouldn't let herself come in between. She's not that kind of person.

Upon reaching Steve's camp, which was a small terrain as compared to the main headquarters, Yelena was already there chatting with someone by the entrance. Four women were standing and giggling beside her.

When Yelena saw Y/n and Pietro approached, she waved to the others. Yelena holding one of the woman's hand made Y/n realize her bestfriend was urging the woman to come along with her.

"Hey, Y/n. Hey, Piet," Yelena greeted them. She instructed them to park the horses and the small cart in the courtyard outside the great hall, the camp's own pavilion. Smaller tents and wooden sheds were set up next to it. "Steve's just finishing up some work in his shop." She pointed at one tiny shed beside the hall, with a furnace on top bellowing smoke to the air.

The place had lesser campers, mostly rescued witches who would be transferred later to the Avengers' main camp. Y/n had only been in their camp twice, thrice counting now. It almost looked identical to the headquarters, with Steve and Bucky, his brother, wanting to make it look like home. It almost felt like Y/n never left.

Yelena jumped giddily as she placed her arms around Pietro and Y/n's shoulders, pulling them to meet the women standing before them — the witches Steve had told them about.

"Hey, lovely ladies. Let me introduce you to my friends. This strapping handsome man here is Pietro," Pietro smiles shyly as he waved his hand, "and this is my bestfriend Y/n, the one I told you about."

Y/n's face flushed red as she stood there awkwardly and smiled, avoiding the eyes of the women swaying in front of them. Steve was right. They did have that aura of allure Y/n couldn't place. It was as if anyone who'd stare longer at them, they would be ensnared with desire.

Well, except Y/n, of course. She was already enchanted by a certain witch who answers to the name of Wanda. Her entire being was already ruined by the witch's presence in her life. How Y/n could still exist knowing that the person she wanted most in this world already belonged to somebody else was a wonder to her.

"Piet, Y/n, these are Monica, sisters Nebula and Gamora," Yelena winks at the last one, "and Kate."

When one of the witches attempted to walk forward heading towards Y/n, Y/n stepped back.

"I thought you were a man at first," the witch named Nebula said, brushing a strand of her own hair over her ear. "I've never had a woman before. I heard they're great lovers, insatiable under the sheets."

"Now, come on, sis," Gamora appeared right beside her, invading the normie's personal space. "Don't be selfish. We can share." She brushes the collar of the tunic Y/n wore. "And two is better than one, if you know what I mean."

Y/n forced a nervous laugh as she ducked and quickly stepped away from their grasp to escape. "Excuse me, ladies," she said in a hurry as she pulled Yelena to the side, leaving a confused and glaring Kate behind.

"What are you doing?" Y/n hissed in a whisper. "We're just going to provide the supplies to Steve. And then we're done."

"Steve says it's fine. Plus, you need loosening up. And the witches like it, Y/n. They love pleasuring people as much as they get pleasure from it. It's not like a brothel—"

"I don't need loosening up."

"C'mon, Y/n," Yelena massaged Y/n's tense shoulders, "have a little bit of fun, we still have a spare time before Steve finishes the concoction he's making. And the sisters seemed nice."

Y/n and Yelena looked back behind them and the witches were already staring at them, smiling seductively.

"No," Y/n said firmly, shaking her head. She pulled Yelena with her as she led them to the shed where Steve was.

"You used to do these with me, Y/n."

"What? Galloping around brothels to brothels. We don't—"

"Okay, when you say it that way, it sounds worse."

Y/n only grew silent. Like a bulb lighting up inside Yelena's head, a smirk slowly spread on her face. "Wait, is this because of a certain witch waiting for us back home?"

Y/n's breath hitched. "What? No, it's not because of Wanda. She's just a friend."

Yelena only laughed, clapping her bestfriend's back. "See? I didn't even mention her name, yet you concluded it was her I was talking about."

Y/n's eyes suddenly widened, realizing her mistake. She couldn't think about how to protest against her accusations.

Thankfully, Steve came out of the shed, with a small burner and two vials containing a murky liquid in his hands. "Oh great, you're all here."

Yelena only groaned in annoyance, followed by Pietro, who was already wrapped around by Monica.

All of the excitement vanished the moment Steve led them inside the camp's own infirmary, where a few patients, witches and humans alike, were lying on bed, injured and immobile.

"What's wrong with them?" Yelena asked, pointing to a few barely moving, with bodies wrapped around in bloody bandages.

"The last mission they went to was horrendous. They barely made it out alive. Deviants had been brutal, their weapons laced with venom." He raised the vials he brought with him. "I have been making a serum to cure them, even just to lessen the pain they feel."

"Y/n got stabbed before," Yelena said. "But Pepper was able to heal her."

"Jane had tried all means." Jane was the healer in Steve's camp. They saw her busily tending to one patient at the corner, an old woman, who was groaning in pain. "That one over there, we rescued her from a carriage. She's an elder witch, a rare find in the eyes of a Deviant."

"Elder witch still exists?"

"In hiding." Steve nodded. "A few of them though. But I think she's dying along with other normies."

"Maybe, Pepper can help," Y/n suggested. "Maybe, she knows more spells."

WHEN THEY returned to the main camp later that day, Y/n immediately headed to Pepper's hut to ask her. It wasn't hard to convince the witch to help, but Y/n could see a moment of hesitation in Pepper's eyes. But she could just be imagining it.

Later that night during dinner, Pietro immediately shared some details about their visit — the famed enchantresses — to his friends. Eventually, it reached his sister's ears. Even Vision seemed interested, giving vague hints suggesting himself to volunteer for the next mission.

Wanda glanced at Y/n, who had her head down the entire conversation. She wondered if the blush on the human's face was of a seductress' doing. But she didn't stay long enough to find out.

Y/N ACCOMPANIED Pepper back to Steve's the very next day even when the sun had barely made it out of the horizon. They were disguised as men so as not to attract any passerby's attention, even when they knew no one was up at that time.

The disguise didn't work on Wanda, her eyes following Y/n's movements as the human arranged her hair in a tied bun underneath her cloak, keeping her hair inside. Y/n still looked like a beautiful woman in Wanda's eyes underneath all the clothing she wore. Wanda was blessed with a quick display of the human's sculpted stomach before she inserted her tunic into her trousers and fastened a belt around her waist. There was a moment when not a single thought crossed Wanda's mind but of Y/n's lean figure underneath her garments. A forced cough from Pepper brought her out of trance, making her cheeks red when she realized she was actually ogling over Y/n.

Wanda shrugged her silly thoughts aside, then stiffened when she suddenly remembered about the witches Pietro had shared to the group yesterday.

"Wait, I'm coming with you," she said, volunteering herself. Y/n could only furrow her brow in confusion but before she could complain, Pepper was already throwing Wanda another pair of men's clothings her way.

The moment was tense and silent when Wanda and Y/n rode on the back of the horse together, the witch sitting behind the human. The horse's stability made Wanda glad she wouldn't have to rely on holding unto Y/n. But when they encountered a tricky pathway, the sudden gallop made Wanda grip tight around the human's waist. She could hear Y/n laughing in front of her and when Y/n turned to look, asking if she was okay, there was a swift moment where Wanda savored the look of happiness on Y/n's face before she playfully slapped the back of her shoulder.

It took Y/n a second to calm herself down when Wanda slowly wrapped her arms around her stomach and stayed in that position for the remainder of the journey, her forehead or cheek sometimes pressed against the human's back. Y/n prayed the sound of the horses and surrounding noises from the early hours of the morning could hide the loud thudding of her own heart.

Wanda savored every second of it, grateful Pepper was riding ahead of them. She terribly missed the human. She missed the wonderful nights she had spent with Y/n and longed for them to happen again. Sometimes, she'd find herself leaning unto Y/n's back, breathing her in, treasuring her warmth, prolonging the feeling. Her mind filled with thoughts, pretending for just this moment that this was real, that Y/n has reciprocated her feelings.

No matter how amazing the ride was heading to the destination, Wanda still couldn't help but feel jealous when one camper immediately approached Y/n the moment they arrived in Steve's camp.

Pepper immediately went ahead, before someone blocked Y/n and Wanda, stopping their tracks.

"Hey, you came back," a female witch said, slowly approaching the two. Y/n waved and smiled at her. "Maybe we can continue where we left off yesterday. Luckily, my sister's still asleep, so I'll have you all to myself. Ohh, and you've brought a friend. How nice."

Consumed with inexplicable emotion close to rage, Wanda pulled Y/n away from the witch's grasp. "We're here on a mission, Y/n. We have no time for you to make sheep's eyes at."

Y/n eagerly followed Wanda, or let herself be dragged by her. "I'm not here for any of that."

"Yeah, lie all you want. But I can see it in your face."

"What? There's nothing on my face."

Wanda gave her a quick glare. "You're as red as a tomato."

Y/n scoffed. "I am not."

"Yeah, keep it in your trousers for the rest of the mission, maybe."

"What? You're being mental."

Wanda stopped walking, which made Y/n bumped into her back. She turned to face the human. She was about to open her mouth to retort but the close proximity between them suddenly rendered her speechless, her own heartbeat starting to race. Her line of vision drifted towards Y/n's lips, craving to have her thumb brush over the lower lip just to gain access, hoping she'd have the courage to taste Y/n and claim her.

Y/n wasn't faring much better; she could literally smell the wonderful alluring scent that she knew only the witch possessed. The closer they were, the more certain Y/n was in wishing she could just take Wanda, kiss her and make her her own.

When Pepper called out for them to follow her to the infirmary, they jumped apart in an instant.

"What took you so long?" Pepper asked the moment the two entered the tent.

Wanda let out an annoyed sigh. "This one right here is a philanderer."

"It's not true," Y/n immediately said. "I barely even talked to Nebula."

"Oh, Nebula, the girl has a name. And for your awareness, you were this close to bedding with her." She demonstrated the length of the distance by her thumb and forefinger, showing only more or less an inch.

"This is outrageous. We're not even standing that close. And I didn't even acknowledge her advances."

"You smiled at her."

"I was being courteous."

"What a load of rubbish! Courteous or aroused?"

"Stop arguing like a married couple," Pepper said, breaking them apart. "Some of the patients are still resting."

Wanda immediately stepped away from Y/n as she calmed herself down, her arms crossed over her chest. Pepper was partly right. She was acting like a jealous wife, when she had no right to any of Y/n's business. Y/n could literally have any of the witches outside and Wanda shouldn't care. Fuming, she walked towards the end of the tent.

When Wanda passed by one of the bed, the occupant, an old frail woman, suddenly bolted upright and pulled her wrist, surprising her.

"You."

Wanda looked behind her before turning back as she stared at the woman in confusion. "Me?"

"You're the offspring of Iryna Maximoff. The Scarlet Witch."

Wanda glanced at Y/n, Pepper and some witch she could assume was the healer of the camp, who were still discussing about the spells, not noticing their interaction. She turned back to the injured woman and nodded.

The woman's pupils were suddenly gone; her grasp on Wanda's wrist becoming tighter each second that passed.

"Be wary;

Not everyone is what they portray to be;

To end the great war between flying foxes and soaring eagles,

A red spider lily will come after the devil's kin."

Then the woman collapsed on her bed, her body shaking violently. The healer and Pepper immediately ran to the patient's aid while Y/n towards Wanda.

Y/n held Wanda's hand. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Wanda couldn't reply, her eyes widening at the scene before her.

The woman eventually stopped moving. The healer Jane checked her pulse. After a moment, she let out a sigh.

"She's dead," Jane announced.

Author's note:

Follow me on my social media accounts. Thank you. ❤ Facebook : loggiepj | https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089779552892&mibextid=ZbWKwL Instagram : loggiepj | https://instagram.com/loggiepj?igshid=NDk5N2NlZjQ= Twitter : loggiepj | https://twitter.com/loggiepj?t=EiFoKQyY1L-HCAMkBV2qCg&s=09

Taglist :

@bibliophilicbi @swiftie1-0-1 @whitewidowsbite @aliherreraaa @smromanoff @wandanats-goodgirl @supaheroine @eliii1sblog @bananasplits-world

#wanda maximoff x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda #wanda angst #short prompt #enemies to lovers #elizabeth olsen

152 notes · View notes

giggly-squiggily · 5 months

Text

Someone stop me- the Jojo brain rot is strong in this one..

(onslaught of Jojo tickle thoughts below the cut) (possible spoiler warning for all parts anime)

-Mista getting hurt but not wanting to experience Golden Experience's painful "healing again" so Giorno has to tickle him while he heals as a distraction

-Joseph having the brain blast of using Harmon during tickle fights to see what would happen.

-Caesar also learning what happens when Harmon is introduced to tickle fights aka said tickles being even MORE effective and now he's getting wrecked even more so by said Dork-star

-Jonathan being really ticklish but the type to just curl up in a ball and give up whenever Erina decides to get him. He's a big guy and could probably win if he tried but he's far too giggly and way to nervous of accidentally hurting her so he just kinda takes it

-Okuyasu, Koichi and Josuke making a bet among themselves to see if Jotaro's ticklish only to unlock the deadly tickle monster that is Star Platinum upon themselves

-Fugo losing all steam in his anger whenever someone (Giorno) squeezes his hips from behind. Immediately disarmed, he's already forgotten what got him so angry and now he's soft and giggly

-Weather Forecast forgetting what tickling is and point blank asking Jolyne to tickle him much to Anasui's jealousy.

-Weather Forecast regretting his decision almost immediately when Jolyne finds all his tickle spots in ten seconds flat. Even more so when he tries tickling her back but she's not ticklish (her only spot is her birthmark/neck but he doesn't know that)

-Polnareff growing bored and deciding to start a poke war with Kakyoin. Onlookers can't help but laugh at these two grown men giggling like children as they jab at one another. They try to get Jotaro but stop when he threatens to beat them to a pulp.

-Narancia wanting to have a dance party but no one's really moving so he starts tickling everyone to encourage them only to immediately get wrecked in return.

-Abbacchio distracted by his music so much he doesn't feel Bruno near him until it's too late and he's getting wrecked by zipper man. Cuts to Giorno, Mista and Narancia all: !!!!! Cause they never knew the purple haired man was ticklish

-Fugo encouraged to find new ways to take out his anger so he uses tickles which works out cause Narancia loves tickle fights and he can safely work through his immediate feelings of rage without the use of a fork to the face

-Giorno turning random objects into feathery creatures and stashing them in the gang's pockets/down their shirts for maximum tickling antics.

-Hermest trying to do Jolyne's hair but she keeps giggling cause said woman's nails keep brushing her neck and shoulders. She starts doing it intentionally until Jolyne uses her Jostar(tm) strength to pull her down and have a proper tickle fight. F.F. joins in pretty quickly.

-Anasui who'll cut your head off if you even try tickling him but lets Jolyne get away with it cause he's got a crush on her. He's only ticklish if she's doing it- everyone else gets no reaction (mostly. W.F might get one if he's lucky)

-Dio and Pucchi having tickle fights when Pucchi was younger cause he reminds Dio of Jonathan sometimes and he strangely misses the rare times they did get along like brothers before he utterly ruined it once more

-Trish trying to give Mista a facial but he's so giggly cause his face is ticklish he ends up getting the mask in his eye and has a red eye for a good few hours (worth it- his face never felt more smooth)

-Jolyne gathering up Emporio in her arms and tickling him cause she can and he's cute when he's laughing and giggling. She's a real mean tickle monster when she wants to be

-Joseph attempting to tickle Speedwagon cause he can. He usually wins as Speedwagon is still as ticklish as he was when he was Jonathan's age and also Joseph has the advantages of youth and size on his side.

#squiggily rambles #headcanons #jjba #brainrot lols #I'm rewatching Jojo with Mama Squiggily #and as I do all the feelings come back #I'm loving this show akjjrkejkrajkrjkaekjr #Now I wanna write for them again whoops #tickle #tickle headcanons

19 notes · View notes

gegengestalt · 1 year

Text

Grushenka...

The fact that Grushenka is crammed into the femme fatale box (as if it wasn't a character archetype that is completely out of place in the context of the novel) and the statement that she was meant to be a temptress of sin in the sequel irk me, because I believe she's meant to be a positive character.

It's understandable to think of her that way in the beginning of the story through the descriptions of her alone, she seems like an enchantress, an otherworldly beauty, even a harlot. Only her first appearance denies some claims and confirms others, she's just a regular woman, but a charismatic and daring woman as well.

I won't try to argue that her jab at Katerina Ivanovna wasn't narrated with any other purpose than to portray her as a little cruel. It's true that she took pleasure in Katerina's shame and anger. However, Katerina is not the noblehearted and reasonable one in this situation. She tried to control Grushenka from the beginning, acted condescendingly sweet towards her and immediately started insulting her as soon as Grushenka made it clear that she wasn't going to do as Katerina wished. Grushenka is an unmarried young woman without parents in 19th century Russia, a businesswoman at a young age at a time when women doing such work was a rare sight. She knows how to make the most of the little power she has in such a society and tries to have fun while she's at it. It might seem like she's cruel for no reason during that scene, but I believe that even without her backstory, she's making a statement, one that the reader may or may not like.

She's quick to act out of spite, though she's not completely ruthless. Beneath the cattiness and mischief, Grushenka is kind- hearted and generous. She keeps accepting Rakitin into her home despite the fact that he's ashamed of her, she's grateful to Samsonov for rescuing her from poverty and hunger even when he sexually exploited her when she was very young, something that ruined her reputation forever*. She let Maximov stay at her house, and showed kindness to pan Mussyalovich, another man who hurt her, in Book XI. Grushenka has a very strong guilty conscience, declaring herself responsible for the murder even when Dmitri and Fyodor are grown men who can make decisions themselves. The fact that she gets defensive and says that Dmitri is blaming her (Book XI) when he did nothing of the sort only shows how guilty she truly feels. At this point of the story, her feelings of guilt are strongly tied to her insecurities and jealousy, but she has the potential to turn it into responsibility and compassion.

(*Let us remember how her status as a fallen woman has affected her. If she's doomed, why bother changing? And despite it, she still wants to change her life in the end...)

Much like Dmitri, Grushenka is considered sinful, yet she doesn't stray away from God and respects what is sacred. She's honest about her own feelings no matter what other people say, and this makes her a little capricious, but also gives her certain integrity. Some sort of childlikeness and a theme of joy and laughter is remarked by the narrator and some characters as it is in many other positive characters. She's capable of spontaneously being hurtful, but also of spontaneous good. Chapter 3 of Book VII, which presents a situation with resemblance to the story of Katerina and Dmitri, portrays a triumph of this spontaneous good.

As a female character, Grushenka is in an interesting position. At the time the novel was written, female characters were still tied to the development and stories of male characters, however, fleshed out female characters with agency were starting to appear as well. What then happens is that, while these types of female characters still depend on the personal journeys of the men in the story, the men's fate and trajectory end up being influenced by the actions and decisions of the female character. We aren't reading Grushenka's story and her psyche isn't given as much attention, but in how she's fragmented between the arcs of other characters, she becomes a central piece of the story, and even narrates a fable that expresses one of the major themes of the story: salvation doesn't come at the expense of others.

#I'm just rambling #the brothers karamazov #tbk #thoughts #I also read an article that mentions how Grusha (a 22yo) manages to assert dominance over four grown men (+Kalganov) in book VIII chapter 7 #queen shit!!!#grushenka

78 notes · View notes

kuroneko1815 · 11 months

Text

Storytime at the Palace Part 3

Welcome to the currently last part of El’s bedtime stories because @eloise175 finally and quite literally fell asleep in the middle of this which was the point so I consider it a success.

Callisto watched the children with a fond smile. They were in the Library today. The children having tracked them down after their classes to where he and Penelope had retired for a break before dinner.

“When did you know that Mother was the one?” Eden asked, her wide red eyes looked up at him with that twinkle in her eyes. His heart melted at the sight. He was never one to really deny their children anything that wasn’t dangerous to them. And there was no harm in telling stories. (There was but he didn’t know it yet.)

“When did I know your mother was the one, you ask?” He paused as he thought it through. His mind going to every event from the early days of his acquaintance with the Princess to the one that truly changed things and engraved her within his heart, if she wasn’t there already. “There was an incident on an island that has now ceased to exist because of your mother. And this is the story of how it came to pass.”

His wife groaned as she immediately realized which story it was. He fetched an old map and brought it out, pointing to the one island that they immediately realized hadn’t been on any of the old ones. “Your mother was out with Marquis Verdandi distributing bread because she’s a charitable and kind woman. While the Marquis was distracted she decided to watch over the village children who were all mana wielders. During a moment of distraction, the children were kidnapped by the cultists and your mother fought valiantly to try and save them. When that failed, she and the Marquis went off in pursuit and traced them all the way to Soleil where they became separated.”

Dante leaned in closer, his eyes showing both curiosity at the possibility of his Mother fighting, and worry at the thought of his beloved Mother fighting. “Though fearful, your Mother rose to the occasion and fought the monsters that appeared. Coincidentally, I was at a meeting about an invasion of Soleil when I realized that your mother was there and rushed out to try and protect her.” He remembered Cedric drawing attention to that red dot that was the Princess, the two seconds it took him to realize what it was, or rather who it was, and the mad dash as he rushed to the mages, threatening them to take him to Soleil. It was a miracle he had been able to get to her so fast. But he could never forget the way his heart pounded, the painful squeeze of worry and fear.

“I got there just as your mother was faced with the largest and most fierce monster she’d yet to fight and slew it for her. At that point, we encountered the Marquis and decided to head off together in search of the children.” In hindsight, it was clear that Winston was Marquis Verdandi. There was a stamp of jealousy in his heart when he realized that the Princess was there with another man, not to mention the anger he felt at the man who’d brought someone as sheltered as her to such a dangerous place. Because she may have magic, powerful magic at that, but she was also clearly unused to using magic. The doubts in her head, the fear of rejection and the worry that he’d be suspicious of her and doubt her as the foolish Marquis so clearly had, it was all there for him to see.

“We came upon a most horrific sight, the Leila was devouring the essence of the mages with a single kiss.” He laughed as he saw his children gasp in shock and disgust. His Darling Wife chided him softly about keeping that part in and traumatizing them.

“When she had recouped her strength, she had then brought out the shards of the mirror of truth.”

Judy whispers softly from where she sat. “I destroyed that when I was really little, like three or something.” Callisto nodded with a smile. That damned mirror that showed him all of Penelope’s deaths, that had tried to take her away from them for the last time before she managed to kill her other body to seal her fate here.

“The Imperial Mage Raon, who was still very much a child at that time, was on the verge of being brainwashed when the Marquis attacked, revealing himself. I couldn’t let him face them alone and while we fought, your Mother moved to sneak around and take him while everyone was distracted. Unfortunately, the Leila was still able to notice her using its vile demonic ways. And they unleashed a truly terrifying monster.”

Just like before, the children clung to one another in worry as they looked towards their Mother to reassure themselves that she was alright. Strange that it was always their Mother they worried over and never him, but then again, he worried about them all constantly as well. “Your Mother used magic to destroy it as well, causing irreparable destruction to the island’s surface. Before she could deliver the final blow however, the Leila fled in fear. And we were left on a sinking island. I had the Marquis take the rest of the children while I stayed behind to get to where your Mother had been trapped.”

Then he remembered the feeling of seeing her unleash that blast of magic, the heat that flooded him seeing her so cocky as she taunted the remainder of the cultists with her false bravado. She was so enticing and had things not been pressing, he couldn’t guarantee that he would’ve stopped at a kiss if he’d had the chance. “But I remember thinking in that moment that there was no woman more perfect for me then she was.” He told them, voice a bit distant and wistful.

He snapped out of it. “Anyway, together, we fled for our lives, Raon on my shoulder as your Mother tried desperately to remember the teleportation spell. Luckily, the little mage woke and managed to get us out of the island but he thrust us into the heart of the sea. Your Mother’s clothing weighing her down made it hard for her to get to the surface so I held on to her and gave her a kiss to give her some air.” He coughed as he remembered that moment, their first kiss was Penelope either unconscious or on her way there.

“And I was greatly relieved when she woke a little shaken and wet but no worse for wear. When it was time to return to the Palace, we said our farewells and she begged me to get my arm checked from the injury a monster had dealt me. I rewarded her with a kiss and the way she looked under the moonlight, blushing and surprised, was so beautiful that I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” He remembered the way she looked under the moonlight, her dress wet and hair let loose. Wide eyes filled with worry that was conveyed in her words as she begged him to get someone to take a look at his wounds. It was music to his ears and he’d turned back and given in, kissing her once again before he disappeared. Relishing the flustered, wide eyed look, illuminated by the golden light of the magic and the silver of the moon. She looked so pretty and cute like a bunny.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about her from that moment, when she used to enter my mind once an hour it became an occurrence that happened every moment waking or sleeping. Every little thing reminded me of her.” That was why he’d spoiled her with presents, why he gave that proposal that even he had to admit was awful. All of them were in hindsight. A marriage of convenience, trying to trick her into a wedding, the garbage area, even the one in the cave because Penelope was in no fit state to have been wandering around and going through those attacks while pregnant. But regardless, he knew then that he wanted to be with her, that she was the one. Even if he denied her feelings.

He decided that this was a good end to the story and finished it with his customary life advice. “So the moral of the lesson here is, if you want a kiss some pyromania and public destruction or full on island sinking is the way to go.”

Judith’s first kiss happens when she’s eighteen, an island sinking behind her. Eden’s happens after she sets fire to an effigy to her Father’s step mother. Both girls also took one other advice from their father to heart. The very same one that he immediately back tracked on. “You could make like your mother, get drunk at a party and get touchy, actually no, forget about that part.” Both daughters do get pregnant under the influence of alcohol and neither regret it. Callisto ends up wallowing in misery even if he admits to himself that he wouldn’t have done anything differently when it came to having Judith then, in fact, if he could go back in time, he’d probably try to have her during the hunting festival.

47 notes · View notes

whatsyourcolor · 10 months

Note

Honestly I am impressed by how they handled Akane’s charecter.I am in here for Akane and Akane only.It should be her one woman show(I hope so at least).Akane’s pursuit of justice.Anywho Kougami is there and my god I have some reservations.I am just using the scenes everyone has seen already.

1.From the get go it becomes exceedingly clear the only person who cares about Kougami being used as a killing machine is Akane.Like how pathetic!No one cares!Only she pops the question if they let him back in just so they can counter violence with violence.She’s worried about him being used.He doesn’t deserve the worry nor the sympathy.

2.When she asks if he’d come back with her instead and he says who knows!You can see for 3 seconds her face crumples then she moves on saying she doesn’t have the authority.I don’t even perceive it as jealousy.The amount of stuff Akane has gone through for him,she can totally ask if he’d come back if she asked.If I did that much for someone I’d expect loyalty.

3.I found the explosion scene weird.Akane,Frederica and Saiga are standing in the same line.Kougami has already shouted the explosives are about to go off.Akane is just rooted in place so Kougami can jump on her(in slo mo recorded from a questionable angle)while Saiga and Frederica are already outside blast radius?Why?Akane is a competent field agent.This scene is unnecessary as hell.

4.I found his “mansplaining”to Akane(while she’s grieving)unbearable.Like what is bruv talking about?Not letting anger cloud her decisions?Not to blame Frederica because it changes nothing ?Wtf are you talking about ?!She isn’t a hysterical woman going off on everyone!MOFA and Frederica are to blame!Guess whose rogue unit is peacebreakers?Whose idea was it to use an innocent man as bait?!These words coming from him is completely redundant.His entire personality is based on narrow minded displaced anger,revenge and hatred.

5.I must say loyalty to FA looks good on Kougami.He’s truly found his niche.After all he literally never had any loyalty for MWPSB or Akane( and Ginoza who’s his bff for 20+years).It’s so funny how he doesn’t realise he’s a still a dog on a leash.His masters value him just because he’s good at violence than the bad guys.He’s just as disposable as he ever was.I will discuss the Tonami incident when more people have seen the movie which is like another clusterfuck on his part.

I’ll just say it.Kougami adds nothing to the current PP story.Give those Tom Cruise MI stunts to someone else and it doesn’t make an iota of difference in the script.Granted I never was the biggest fan of him but now his stoic manpain just repulses me.He’s contributed what he can on Akane’s arc.Now get him away from my girl.I don’t want to see him around her post FI.

Hello, I wrote a reply to you two days ago at work, forgot to save it and only now do I have a chance to rewrite it. Grr, hate when that happens! Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I was also happy to see Akane at the center of Psycho-Pass again, but I wish the story had been told more from her point of view. Maybe more in-depth dialogue with other characters.

Yeah, Akane worries about him. Though, to be fair, Saiga also warns him about becoming a killing machine. I think Saiga worries about Akane worrying about Kogami and can I say it's adorable how much he dotes on her? I'm sure she was his favorite student. (Take that Ko and Frederica!). This may also be the reason why he tells Kogami to apologize to Akane and is very quick to catch that he didn't the next day. I'm also not sure if Kogami knows everything that Akane has gone through, but I'm sure Ginoza's punch to the face gave him a clue.

Maybe it's not jealousy, but there's definitely something there. The way she looks down and then crosses her arms and talks about how she doesn't have the authority of the power. I think in a way her ego is definitely a little bruised, which is why she's also confrontational with him. What made him return? I'm sure that question itches at her.

I agree about the explosion. Considering the fact that Akane kicked Kogami's ass in the PP Movie, it's safe to say this scene was a blatant bait for all shinkane shippers and an echo to the explosion scene in the PP movie. Akane would not just stand there looking. She knows how to fight and how to protect herself. Now, I'm a shinkane rat, so I'll take whatever contact between them they give me, but they definitely made that scene to be the Hamelin's flute to drag all the rats like me to the movie theaters. I also would've liked to see more of Akane being a total badass and fighting for sure. My brave petite woman.

I agree so much with this. Akane is not crazy or emotional. She's screamed at Sybil, Mika, Nicholas Wong and all the mercenaries for treating human life so cheaply. It's the right reaction. I understand Kogami has never treated Akane like a little girl, but the unsolicited advice coming from him is deeply hypocritical considering the man holds grudges for decades and solves his anger issues by killing. And they were alone! There was no need to be all "professional" here. They could've reminisced about Saiga and bond for a moment. He could've let some emotion show after the mentor who went to jail because of him got killed. It would've been beautiful for him to hold her, let her cry, (see? contact that makes sense) and when the doors opened, tell her that they need to solve the case or whatever it is that Kogami always says. This was such a missed opportunity to show another angle to their relationship and to show that he has changed and that there's still some trust between them.

Please tag me when you discuss the Tonami incident. I want to know your thoughts.

I know some people dislike Kogami since S1 when he told Akane to kill Makishima. I honestly think the writers don't know what to do with him either. The fact that everything that involves him is action and violence cheapens his character. He was an intelligent detective and had a degree of empathy even if he was selfish. He showed emotion when Sasayama died, when he thought Kagari had been killed, when he realized Masaoka had died, when Sem died. Now he's stoically boring and plain. The coolness from S1 came from him being more than a stereotype of masculinity.

#psycho-pass #psycho pass providence #kogami shinya #akane tsunemori #psycho pass #shinkane #sinners of the system #psycho-pass 3 #tsunemori akane #first inspector

24 notes · View notes

adelphiafox2 · 1 year

Text

We are meant to be

(here is another yandere geralt story, I'm sorry I just love yandere geralt and as I said I don't see a lot of yandere geralt fanfics, maybe you guys have but I haven't so let's get into this)

{you're also a witcher you've always worked alone you did have some help sometimes and you didn't mind the people helping you and you,you also love having people around well sometimes atleast,you also go to some taverns from time to time and you had a lot of fun especially the songs you heard the bards sing,you also love killing beasts and of course you loved the money you get from the people and the honor they give you, although Witchers Don't feel emotions but you always feel emotions like any other person,like you feel anger, sadness, jealousy and most importantly fear,of course you will feel fear when a six to seven beast is standing right in front of you,but you still fight the beast and you win everytime,well not everytime but you do win sometimes, but when you don't kill the beast sometimes the people are nice enough and say how you did your best and some well let's just say they aren't that nice, but what happens when you are just riding your horse to go and find a creature that has been killing a village's sheep's and cows,they offered you a lot of coins so of course you didn't back up on that offer but while you were looking for the beast it attacked you from behind while killing your horse which made you see red,but what if this beast is to strong to fight on your own so you almost got killed but another Witcher helps you and kills the beast in a second,you got a little bruised from the beast so the witcher watched over you,so when you woke up you saw a Witcher who was quite handsome but his presence felt...off but you didn't listen to yourself which was stupid,but what happens when the witcher becomes more and more interested in you but then it turns into.... obsession}

I was walking around the forest trying to find a village or town so I could get some money for me an h/n(horse name) she/he does need a new saddle anyway we also need food for us both,so I am in desperation for money,while I was riding I heard shouting and talking making me gallop over to the village when I got there I slowed h/n down so I could look around the village,I stopped h/n and got off and grabbed h/n's reins and walked over to a pole and tied her reins then I walked over to a woman who was sorting her clothes, "may I know where the master of the town is?" The woman turned to me and then gasped "y-your a witcher" "yes I am now may I know where the master of the town is?" She nodded then pointed to a huge looking house making me smile and thank her then made my way to the house,when I got there I knocked on the door and waited for a bit till someone opened the door, "hello?" Asked a man "hello yes I want to ask if I may speak with your master" "for what causes?" "Well I am witcher and I'm here to help you with any creature" "o-of course I'll be right back" the man then closed the door rather harshly I waited a bit till the door opened again, "come in please" said the man making me nod then I went inside and it was quite fancy and rather homely "wait here" I nodded and watched the man walk away,I looked around and saw something shiny I looked at it and it looked quite beautiful I picked it up and looked at it but then I accidentally broke it making me look around then I quickly put it away and made my way back where I was, "you must be the witcher my butler told me about" I turned to person who said it and saw a man,who had long hair that was pulled back and he was rather well built, "yes, I'm y/n" I said holding out my hand he looked at it and slowly took it, "you a witcher a woman?" I glared at him then I put my hand on my hip and I had a tricky finger to pull out my sword and kill him right there and then, "I'm only joking no worries I find it brave for a woman to fight" I nodded "now I heard you wanted to ask me if we had any monster problems,is that right?" "Yes that's right" "well we have a big one" "how does it look?did it look for anything?did it kill a animal or anyone?" "A lot of questions well, it's very tall dark to and red eyes, well he must've been looking for food and yes it killed five sheep and one grown man" I nodded"how much will I get after killing the beast?" "Well how about one thousand coins" "deal" "you sure just one thousand?I mean that creatures is pretty huge" "okay how about three thousand?" "Good choice,now on you get I'll see you when you bring that beasts head" I nodded then walked out of the house,then I made way to h/n and untied her and we started to ride into the woods.

It turned nightime and I still didn't find the darn beast I sighed but then I heard a branch snap making me grab my sword then I heard a snarl,I then felt something push me off h/n I then heard a pained neigh of a horse and I saw the beast stab h/n making me see red I got up and grabbed my sowrd and swung at the beast,I hit the bloody beast on the arm making him hiss in pain,it slapped me away making me stop from me falling further I glared at the beast, "you're gonna regret killing my horse!" I then charged at the beast and I saw it sent his arm making me dodge it and I stabbed it on his side making it screech in pain then I felt a sharp sting on my back making me hiss I fell to the floor making me drop my sword but I quickly grabbed it again and moved out of the way and I saw the beast hand stuck on the floor giving me a chance to hit it's side again but harder it screeched again and he got his arm free and then threw me away making me grunt in pain,I then hissed in pain as I felt my back hit a tree it made it worse because of the cut of the beast, "curse you beast" I hissed with venom then I looked around for my sword I reached for it but I screamed in pain as I felt the beast stand on my wrist,I quickly reached for my dagger and I got it then I stabbed the beast on the stomach it screeched again then it glared at me then it growled at me then it roared at me but it stopped when I heard a bone cracking noise and then I saw the beast eyes shut then it fell on top of me making me groan and I tried pushing it off but it was way to heavy but I was relived when someone else took the beast off of me,I blinked a few times to get the blurry vision away,I looked up and saw a man with long white hair,he also had yellow eyes and I realised that he was a Witcher, "are you gonna get up or are you going to keep staring?" "Oh,right sorry" I then got up and I smeared off some blood that was on my face I looked at it in disgust and threw it off my hand I then turned to the Witcher, "who are you?" "Why should I tell you?" "Because I asked" he rolled his eyes "it's Geralt" "y/n" I then turned to my left and I saw h/n I sighed and walked over to her/him "you are quite weak for needing help from another Witcher" I ignored him then I I crouched down and touched h/n lightly I laid my head on her/his stomach I then took off her/his saddle and the railings and put it beside her/him I heard the other Witcher sigh "if you need someone to get you somewhere I am more then glad to help you" I looked at him "that would be nice" I said wiping my tears I then grabbed my pouch that had a few coins and some food, I walked over to the witcher and saw he to had a horse of course he would how would he get here I saw him get on then I got on "hold on or you fall either way that's your problem" I sighed and held him by his waist and then he started to ride away "where do you need to go?" "To a village I went to them to get some coins" I saw him groan softly making me glare at the back of his head.

After a while we made it back to the village and It was already morning and I saw everyone working but they stopped as they saw me and geralt I looked away "where off to now?" I pointed to the house where the master lived then I felt geralt ride over to the house and then stopped I got off the horse and went up to the door and knocked on it I waited then it opened and it was the butler but he gasped as he saw me I sighed and looked at the floor he then lightly closed the door making me sigh then it opened again after a few minutes and it was the master of the town his eyes went wide when he saw me "come inside please" I did what he saw and I got inside "did you kill it?" "What do you think?" He looked at the floor "fair enough stay here and let me grab your coins". I saw him walk away making me look at the floor,he came back with a small bag of coins I took it from him and it felt pretty full "thank you" I said "no thank you" I nodded then walked over to the door and opened it and walked out of there closing the door of course, "how much did he give you?" "We made a deal that he'll give me three thousand coins" "I wouldn't have done it for three thousand" "I'm not you now am I?" "Fair" I was about to walk away but he stopped me "where are you going?" "I don't know" "how about you travel with me?" I turned to him "are you sure?" He nodded I then looked at the floor then back at him I sighed then I got on his horse.

Me and Geralt were traveling were traveling with eachother for a month already and I learned that Geralt gets potions to make him stronger,but he only uses them in a intense fight,which I understand,me and Geralt also became great friends and he feels like brother to me that I never had,we also did come across some monsters or bandits but luckily we were together so nothing bad happened to either of us which was good in a way,but I sometimes get a wierd feeling in my gut and my gut tells me to stay away from Geralt or to either run,but I kept ignoring it,I also thought of how I want to live alone and have farm,with lots of farm animals and I told Geralt this and he just groaned like he was always does, I also sometimes get wierd looks from Geralt but I ignored it,I suddenly snapped out of my thoughts by Geralt,"y/n did you even hear me?" I shook my head and looked at Geralt "no sorry what did you ask?" ",Do you think it's a good idea to camp here for the night?" I looked around then I nodded my head "yeah we can camp here" Geralt nodded then he started to get of roach so did i,we then started to get everything, Geralt then went to go and get some fire making me wait for him it's been a while since he went to get the fire wood but he did come back we then lit up the fire while Geralt went to go get wood he also got us some food,after we ate the food,I then decided to go to sleep and Geralt decided to watch over us so no danger came to us,for some reason I couldn't sleep but I don't want to disturb Geralt so I tried to fall asleep but I just couldn't,I suddenly heard Geralt walk over to me making me freeze and I closed my eyes to pretend that I was sleeping,I then felt him move a strand of hair away from my face,it was hard trying to pretend to sleep when someone is crouching over you and it made you quite uncomfortable,I could just feel his gaze on i don't know if it's a killer gaze or something else,I then heard him speak "oh y/n,why would want to leave me?" I remember telling geralt that I want to quit doing hunts and adventurous and just wanted to life my live i wouldn't want to just live my life by just hunting creatures or doing adventures but I never said I'll leave Geralt well I mean I am leaving him because he wants to stick to hunting and adventurous, I'm fine with it but doesn't want me to leave him, "I wish I could just trap you somewhere no one can find" I felt a sudden chill run down my spine,"you've changed me y/n" I suddenly felt something stab my making me turn to get comfortable which scared Geralt because I could hear footsteps I opened my eyes a bit and I saw feet and I knew they were Geralt's feet,"I want you" I'm so confused maybe I'm dreaming, "you really shouldn't be believe me y/n and I know your not sleeping"I quickly reacted and ran away and I heard geralt running after me,I started to run as fast as I can but Geralt was faster then me and I felt him tackle me to the ground and started to scream and struggle, "hold still y/n!" I started to struggle even more I then felt him wrap his arms around my waist and felt him pull me up,I then felt him bury his face in my neck, "we are meant to be y/n" I heard him whisper in my ear and I started to cry, "let's go my love" I then felt him drag me away.

#yandere geralt #geralt x you #tw yandere #imagine

38 notes · View notes

new-tella-us · 3 days

Text

The Mothers. Part 2

On the next episode of "Who are they barely mentioned women that raised our love interests?" We have-

Dracae The Queen of Mystery

Everything about Dracae is shrouded in rumors, from her legitimacy to her draconic origins. Anyone who knew how to answer even half of the questions about her were killed a long time ago. When she appeared in public, her face was covered with a hat, a veil or a mask. Her identity being a secret was the most important thing to her. What people did know about her was her military prowess was unmatched. Her guards and soldiers were some of the most powerful men and women in the Abyssal Plains.

Such power and rumors of her draconic blood gained the attention of the Demon Lord but, unlike the other wives, Dracae was prepared. She struck first and managed to nearly back the Demon Lord into a corner. However, she made the critical flaw of being deathly loyal to her soldiers, she never expected a traitor to be among her own. With critical soldiers wounded or killed from the inside and the overwhelming numbers against her, Dracae was forced to surrender. However, she was the closest to preventing her capture. From then on, she became the quietest of the queens. Her presence only known from her bigger stature and the faint, burnt, flowery scent she left behind.

When Aomaris was born, all the wives had been obtained. The kingdom was almost at its peak strength with the addition of Dracae’s army. This would be the era of short peace as everyone was far too afraid of the Demon Lord to fight him. All the while, Dracae maintained her air of mystery. At this point, the only two people left alive that had even seen her face were the Demon Lord and Aomaris. The former would call her “The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen” possibly to anger his other wives and fan the flames of jealousy; the latter was too young to remember his mother’s face.

Dracae and Aomaris’s relationship was the first to actually have motherly love. Unlike Istorae and Kalipo, who saw their sons more as heirs and investments than children, Dracae focused her energy on making Aomaris feel loved and cared for. This came as a shock to the other wives. This military woman was a softie deep down. The one issue was that her unwillingness to being hard on her son would lead to Aomaris not taking her seriously. He loved his mother, but her words just didn’t make sense to him. She spoke of pacifism and kindness, despite her military history, but Aomaris was raised on violence. How can you be pacifistic in this world? One thing he did get from her teachings was the concept of equality and respect. The role “royal” was just that, a role. A role any person could do if they were trained well and raised right. Succubi got that role by default, but Dracae truly believed that was just a societal expectation, not an inherent trait. To her, your race should only decide your appearance and magic, not your role in society.

The consequence of that was Aomaris gaining a bit of a complex. He wanted to be a good person, like his mother, but he just didn’t understand how much of her teachings were possible. Dracae was –by far- the best mother of the bunch, raising a generous man who believed in fighting for equality. Her teachings of equality and family also led to Aomaris’s unwavering loyalty to all his brothers and his respect and solidarity for Izroul. His violent streak was the work of his father, not his mother.

When Aomaris left, it was the first time the public would truly see emotion from the dragon queen. Grief. She wasn’t loud about it but the quiet sobs that echoed through the halls could break the heart of even the most hardened of soldiers. She understood why Aomaris left; the royals’ lives weren’t optimal if they weren’t first in line. They would be married off or turned into soldiers. But even with her understanding, she missed her son. He was her favorite person.

In Sam’s Demon War Route, Dracae is another case of being uninvolved. But, unlike Kalipo, she did stick around the castle. Deep in the dungeons, she would pray to her dragon ancestors for the power to defeat the Demon Lord. That power would come to Sam during his route. And if you decided to go down the King Sam Route (The only good King route, might I add) she might just appear again with someone new one day.

As for the people Dracae liked and disliked.

She obviously loved her son.... but did you know that (in this version) she had a daughter? Yes, she had twins. That’s the “someone new”. What happened to her? Well, Dracae isn’t dumb. The Succubi world is a matriarchal society, so the rules of the heir are backwards. Dracae’s daughter would be first in line, even outshining Raestrao. And no one would be happy about that. Especially not Istorae. So, to protect her child, the daughter was sent away before the Demon Lord would even know he had a daughter. When I said Dracae was the queen of mystery, I truly meant it.

Dracae has... mixed feelings about the Demon Lord. At least pre death of Izroul’s mom. She, of course, didn’t respect his methods of getting new kingdoms or wives but, at least before he went totally apeshit, she wanted to believe that there was some kindness in him. But after seeing just how horrible he treated his harem girl and son, any hope for him died.

Surprisingly, Dracae doesn’t hate any of the wives or the harem girl. She sees them all as victims of circumstances just like her. While none of the wives truly liked each other, Dracae and Istorae were the most respected of the wives. Istorae for being the OG wife and Dracae for her genuinely kind behavior.

The only person Dracae despises is the “pig faun”. She doesn’t really know why. He just makes her mad.

Oh boy! The last wife-

Aezera The bitch The Pure-Blooded Succubus

As a young woman, Aezera was better than who she would become but she wasn’t perfect. She was a noble to one of the last two pure blooded succubi bloodlines, making her an extremely powerful woman and she knew it.

She had a younger sister that she didn’t treat the best. She would attempt to outshine her younger sister at every point and was heavily jealous at her parents’ favoritism of the younger sibling. But her sister showed her nothing but kindness. Back when Aezera had sanity, she would feel bad for the way she treated her younger sister, but it wouldn’t matter in the end. Her sister got injured and was dying. And why? Because of an attack.

Surprisingly, it was not from the Demon Lord, but rather a tertiary kingdom sent to kill off the heiresses. The younger sister died protecting a teenaged Aezera. This would make Aezera’s guilt over how she treated her sister skyrocket. If only she could have been a little nicer. This shifted Aezera’s thinking to a far more family-oriented way of seeing life. It didn’t make her any less spoiled or insecure, but the idea of what family meant was drilled into her head from then on.

Eventually, the Demon Lord did attack, but his war efforts would be for naught as Aezera surrendered immediately. In her eyes, with his massive army, joining his forces would be a net positive. Aezera was not happy being the fourth wife, but she would accept her role and hopefully rise through the ranks once she produced him an heir.

When Zecaeru was born, the name she chose for him wasn’t picked randomly. Her younger sister’s name was very similar. Maybe this was Aezera’s way of honoring her sister via her son. It also explained why she was the most doting of the mothers.

Aezera and Zecaeru’s relationship was one of codependence. What started as Aezera being kind to her son to make up for how cruel she was to her sister became a dependency on her son for happiness. Zecaeru distracted her from how guilty she always felt and how miserable she truly was being in this kingdom with these women she didn’t like. Especially after Izroul’s birth and her losing her body.

She needed her son and thus made it so he would always need her. She would slowly become more and more controlling and particular about every aspect of her life and the people around her. Everyone that served her or belonged to her had to wear and say certain things to avoid her wrath, including Zecaeru. Zecaeru would attempt to calm her down with toys and animals, which worked for a time, but she would go back to her irate self in about a week. It was clear to anyone paying attention that Aezera was going mad. Zecaeru was in denial about it but deep down... he knew.

The consequence of that was Zecaeru feeling a need to prove how "adult" he is. He was treated like a child needing guidance and control well into his adult years and he hated it. He didn't want to prove it by giving up his fun loving ways so, instead, he proved it by being reliable. Starting from even when he was a child, Zecaeru went out of his way to help people, including and especially Izroul. He felt the need to grow up but wasn't completely sure how. By the time he gets to Mika though, he's figured it out more. On the good end however, Zecaeru is the most emotionally mature and stable of all his siblings. He got to feel the full range of emotions without judgement from his mother or interference from his father.

When Zecaeru left, Aezera broke. She just couldn’t understand why he would leave. She was the kindest she could ever be. He was her everything. She gave him everything, prepared him to impress the Demon Lord and was even ready to risk possible banishment or execution if it meant that she could get rid of all Zecaeru’s competition. So why did he go? Why would he leave her here to rot? She justified it to herself as Zecaeru having a plan, needing to prepare to become the next Demon Lord. She didn’t truly believe her own words, but it was better than believing that her own son, that she loved more than life itself, would abandon her.

In Matthew’s Demon War Route, Aezera was heavily involved. She was the only wife to stick around. She respected her marriage even if the Demon Lord did not. She didn’t fully understand what her husband was trying to prove by mind controlling their son, but her strong sense of familial bond and her need to get her son back overrode her suspicion and anger at her husband. She would lend him her power for her physical form back.

In the bad end, she never intended for the Demon Lord to remain alive. Once all the heirs were dead, the Lord would fall too, making way for a new king. However, her plans would go awry when the human her son was supposed to slay escaped. But that’s a long story. I’ll save that for a “King End” deep dive.

In the true end, when it was revealed that ...this human, was to be her son’s bride, the madness in her truly shone. There was something about the way she stood, the power and confidence radiating off this human as if she was royalty and not lower than slaves. It was just like that bastard child that ruined their family. It pissed Aezera off. The human was not family; she wasn’t to be respected as an equal. She was to be killed off or to be used for energy like a good harem girl. Oh, how madness made Aezera so hypocritical.

The human dared to reach out, to extend a hand of “mercy”, she even talked so sweetly about the wedding they were planning. Aezera was convinced that this bitch was mocking her, she had to be! She even dared to reach out the hand that held the ring that Aezera gave to her son long ago. For her to stand so confidently and mock a queen as powerful as Aezera, this human had to have extraordinary power. Now she understood why Zecaeru left. He was bewitched! Tricked for his power! It was the only thing that made sense.

Or at least, it made sense to Aezera. To anyone else in the room, Aezera was spiraling. Matthew tried to reach out, to save her mother, but she wasn’t listening. Mika tried to calm her down and explain, but she wasn’t having it. Diana was the only one to accept that Aezera was a lost cause. So, she fought. Aezera was a hard person to beat and even with Saero’s summoning, this would have ended in a stalemate if nothing was done.

In the end, Matthew had to kill his own mother. Even if it shattered his heart to do so. Aezera truly didn’t understand. She drained his energy; she took control of him. From her perspective, any spells the human cast should have been null and void. It was null and void. So why? Why would her son attack her and so fatally? Did he not love her anymore...?

She would get her answer when she would hear footsteps approaching her, she looked up, not to see her son but the human he chose over her. And in a moment of clarity, she finally saw the human in earnest. She wasn’t mocking, bragging, there was no hint of happiness on her face. She just looked sad, like she failed. She was being genuine this whole time. Is... that the reason why Zecaeru chose her? Aezera would have no time to ponder as she died.

For the extra people that she liked or hated.

Aezera generally hated everyone in her new life. She was envious of Istorae’s role, she didn’t care about the middle two wives, the sons were all competition for her son’s crown, she despised the harem girl for sleeping with her husband and giving him a fifth child, she hated said fifth child and believed that he was what’s wrong with their family, even blaming him for why she lost her physical form, she hated Mika for trying to marry her son. She hated a lot of people. She’s very spiteful.

The only three people she held any affection for were her sister (after she died), her son and her husband. And even with that last one, she intended to kill him.

TL:DR

Dracae is best mom and actually tried to raise her son like a son. Also there might be a new face I am drawing that relates to Dracae and Sam.

Aezera is deathly loyal to family but being around the Demon Lord too long drove her mad. She died realizing that she was kinda being a crazy boy mom. But hey! At least she treated Matthew like a son.

#seduce me the otome #seduce me demon war #seduce me the complete story #seduce me mika #seduce me sam #seduce me matthew #seduce me aezera #rewrite #backstory change

6 notes · View notes

naoko-world · 2 years

Text

How I relate to (most of) the characters in Encanto

I often say I relate to a lot of characters in Encanto! Not everyone of them, like I'm nothing like Julieta, but a lot of them are like me in their own way. Honestly there are so many it's like this movie was made to touch me.

Starting with Bruno because...He's my favorite so...And I'm the one to decide!

I relate to Bruno a lot! Well, I'm neurodivergeant, I have some mental health issues and honestly I'm glad they cut that scene where we see him talk to his rats. Because it would hit too close from home and could have triggered me.

Like him, sometimes I try to make people laugh and it fails because I'm bad at joking (Bruno is hilarious though) then it gets awkward and I'm hoping it didn't spoil my relationship with people. Well, because like him again I'm pretty nervous and anxious. I often fidget with my hands (or feet) like he does and seriously if I could hide in the walls of my home I totally would to just escape my worries. With some entertainments because it would quickly be a bit boring alone in there.

Also I would totally have tried a joke like "It looks like rain" to try to make a member of my family laughs and it thus lead a big event into a disaster...I mean I know I tried making jokes and it was taken seriously. And I had to apologize. Same thing when I say things a bit too bluntly because I didn't think I'd hurt someone by talking like I did.

I too have a very low esteem of myself. I think I'm not a good person, I'm someone who can feel really dark feelings, someone who can hurt others because of jealousy or because I have one person bothering me so I grow hate and anger.

I also look an awfully lot like Mirabel!

Like physically I have glasses, she has glasses, I have a round face, she has too, short hair like her and curls in my hair. Hers are curlier though, my hair are more wavy. And her skin is darker than mine.

It's not the only part I look like her though since I have the same kind of anxiety of her and Bruno. I just want to be special, want to be skilled, to be useful to the society which I can't do because I don't have a job so some people think I'm just lazy. I'm not lazy though, I'm job hunting but recruiters feel I'm nervous so they don't want to have me in their company because I'd "be eaten" (yes, one recruiter decided to not lose more time and told me that).

Another part I have in common with Mirabel, something people I love know about, is when I love someone I'll show it a lot. If I was in a musical like Encanto I'd have one song for each of my closed friends telling them how wonderful they are!

When I was a kid I was talking really low and I sometimes talk low without noticing it, but when growing up I started talking way louder and becoming more extravert and less introvert, my shyness showing less. I'm still shy though, like I smile a lot and give excited answers to hide my nervosity and uncertainty. Well, now when I need to interact with people I take a deep breath before.

But enough with Mirabel! Time to talk about Pepa!

Maybe it'll surprise people but I tend to be a really bad-tempered woman. Like when I can easily get angry and when I do it's hard to actually hide it.

So yeah I can relate to Pepa. I still manage to contain my anger until I can unleash it somewhere but MAN if I had Pepa's gift I would like get much more upset than the usual because I'd get upset for being upset and afraid people would hate me for getting upset.

Me with Pepa's gift, Paris would very often see hurricanes.

That's all for Pepa now is...Luisa's turn!

Yes, after Pepa, Bruno and Mirabel I relate a lot to Luisa.

It'll be quick though: I can understand feeling I must carry the weight of everything on my shoulders.

I'm not the oldest of my siblings, I'm actually the youngest, but my older brother is autistic. I'm not talking about autistics like @hectic-hector for example who can still be independant, more an autism like can't understand how to (or the point to) use a computer, is yelling instead of talking, and if we don't watch over him he could empty the fridge or go on the road and be killed. It's like that since I was a kid and I always felt I had to be the oldest, be the one in charge to look after him, to literally carry the weight on my shoulders.

I also tend to take very seriously every task I'm given, and I gets desperate when I can't do it efficiently.

But enough with Luisa! Now is time to talk about the one I didn't imagine I'd relate to her: Isabela!

Well, I was never said I should be perfect but I still feel I must, as if any mistake from my part is unforgivable. As if if something isn't perfect from my part it's worth nothing. As if I must always smile and be sweet, never be angry or the one in need of moral support. Like I'm not even authorized to cry because it bothers my dad.

Ah but well there is also what I said in my analysis of the Adults in Encanto on Isabela's character and how she stays feminine but by her own terms at the end of the movie. About how, again, I was the "not like other girls" girl because I like Video games, mangas, hate makeup and shopping...So I was saying I'm not feminine because I'm not a woman according to the society's view of a woman.

However I still identify as a woman and I still have feminine parts. There was the parts asked to me by the society (and especially some other women) which I didn't like and ended up being hateful toward in response to pressure, and there was the parts nobody asked me for but are still considered feminines. Like I like taking care of my hair, I like wearing some hairclips, crunchies, or hairbands. I like jewellery too like I have some in a box. I wear some earrings everyday, as well as a pendant about Bruno because I love it. I love plushies and dolls too or knitting. I'm fond of what's cute! I'm feminine!

This is why I can relate to her as the pressure to be perfect, but also the pressure to be what society says I should be as a woman.

Who else?

I think I can relate to Camilo?

Also have to be the one to smile and reassure the others. And afraid to be a bother when I complain.

Antonio?

Like nobody asks me for anything, especially when I was a kid, but I still could see what was happening and I wanted to help, not let the adults struggle while I was playing. I wanted to show we could count on me! Be of use!

Agustin?

Like I can understand wanting to reassure someone and be afraid for them but still having to smile and then someone else says something and I realise it's what I should have said. Then I'd literally yell on someone else to defend them.

And...Alma.

Yes, I can relate to HER! She's the antagonist but I also said she's an amazing character with a tragic story who doesn't deserve the hate. Today though I realise I can even relate to her in some way. Even while I'm still only in my 30's.

I know a bit the feeling to want to control everything, to have everything be perfect and be frustrated when everything doesn't go according to the plan because I doesn't want errors to be repeated.

Like me not wanting to see hate on the Internet anymore after my experience on Twitter and people hating each other for nothing. But I can't control people, even those I love.

Well, honestly at this point that's all! It's a good way to reflect on myself to say who I can relate to and how! And it's again an occasion to analyse characters I love!

#encanto #encanto analysis #my analysis #mirabel madrigal #bruno madrigal #pepa madrigal #luisa madrigal #isabela madrigal #agustin madrigal #antonio madrigal #camilo madrigal #abuela alma madrigal #alma madrigal #abuela madrigal #abuela alma #very personal

19 notes · View notes

psychreviews2 · 2 months

Text

Case Studies: Dora – Sigmund Freud Pt. 2

Oedipus complex, or just envy?

As expected, Freud brought up the Oedipus Complex in how Dora missed her father. The way Freud describes it, it's a form of envy where the subject is putting themselves in the place of others, imitating their desires, and therefore their identity, and not recognizing the influence. In particular it's a fear of losing social rewards. Each time you find an object, or person to desire, you step into a similar identity of all the people who want the same things, causing rivalry. This is where you see in the case study people playing people off of each other, and are only nice to people because they get something out of it, like her governess. There was also another governess, but she worked for the K.'s. She had a relationship with Herr K., but he never left is wife, and the governess eventually left. She told Dora about the line he gave her saying "there was nothing between him and his wife." That was the same line given to Dora at the lake. This is the reason for her rejection of Herr K.

What was not expected was Dora's possible attraction to Frau K. Freud recounts, "when Dora talked about Frau K., she used to praise her ‘adorable white body’ in accents more appropriate to a lover than to a defeated rival. Another time she told me, more in sorrow than in anger, that she was convinced the presents her father had brought her had been chosen by Frau K., for she recognized her taste. Another time, again, she pointed out that, evidently through the agency of Frau K., she had been given a present of some jewellery which was exactly like some that she had seen in Frau K.’s possession and had wished for aloud at the time." Yet Frau K. betrayed Dora when she let Herr K. know of her reading of Mantegazza’s Physiology of Love, without disclosing her influence on Dora. Freud says, "Frau K. had not loved her for her own sake but on account of her father. Frau K. had sacrificed her without a moment’s hesitation so that her relations with her father might not be disturbed. This mortification touched her, perhaps, more nearly and had a greater pathogenic effect than the other one, which she tried to use as a screen for it, - the fact that she had been sacrificed by her father."

Like an Agatha Christie style extra twist at the end, Freud adds the deeper layer. "I believe, therefore, that I am not mistaken in supposing that Dora’s supervalent train of thought, which was concerned with her father’s relations with Frau K., was designed not only for the purpose of suppressing her love for Herr K., which had once been conscious, but also to conceal her love for Frau K., which was in a deeper sense unconscious. The supervalent train of thought was directly contrary to the latter current of feeling. She told herself incessantly that her father had sacrificed her to this woman, and made noisy demonstrations to show that she grudged her the possession of her father; and in this was she concealed from herself the contrary fact, which was that she grudged her father Frau K.’s love, and had not forgiven the woman she loved for the disillusionment she had been caused by her betrayal. The jealous emotions of a woman were linked in the unconscious with a jealousy such as might have been felt by a man. These masculine or, more properly speaking, gynaecophilic currents of feeling are to be regarded as typical of the unconscious erotic life of hysterical girls."

So Dora is now implicated in desire for her father, Herr K., and now Frau K., albeit in a more unconscious attitude. This ambivalence is very typical of Freud, and is maddening for critics who want something that is more testable and clear. Freud says, "thoughts in the unconscious live very comfortably side by side, and even contraries get on together without disputes - a state of things which persists often enough even in the conscious." I think Freud's statement that "an intention remains in existence until it has been carried out", is the key to how he views desire. Once desires latches onto a target, but have too many obstacles, it can be repressed, and a new target is chosen. Yet when given the opportunity to be satisfied, the old desire can resurface. In a way, the Oedipus Complex is simply because a child has a lack of objects to pursue, and are around parents most of the time. As soon as other people enter the child's life new influences are pursued.

Freud describes how this bisexual fluid desire can become convoluted. "In the world of reality, which I am trying to depict here, a complication of motives, an accumulation and conjunction of mental activities - in a word, overdetermination - is the rule. For behind Dora’s supervalent train of thought which was concerned with her father’s relations with Frau K. there lay concealed a feeling of jealousy which had that lady as its object - a feeling, that is, which could only be based upon an affection on Dora’s part for one of her own sex...I have never yet come through a single psycho-analysis of a man or a woman without having to take into account a very considerable current of homosexuality. When, in a hysterical woman or girl, the sexual libido which is directed towards men has been energetically suppressed, it will regularly be found that the libido which is directed towards women has become vicariously reinforced and even to some extent conscious."

Cultural influences on psychological health

This being one of the famous Freud cases, there were other books written about it. One of the great books on this subject belongs to Hannah Decker, Freud, Dora, and Vienna 1900. It gives the necessary background to Dora's life and the life of Jewish immigrants and their ordeals in assimilating in Europe. A lot of psychological problems are in fact cultural problems. Survival fears of ostracism and abandonment wreak havoc on the psyche. Hannah says, "historically, hysteria has appeared prominently among groups - such as slaves, soldiers, and servants - who feel they have little control over their lives." The ups and downs of life take their toll on people who feel constant insecurity, and these can lead to all kinds of desperate behaviour to regain that feeling of security. Learning the backgrounds of clients, and their ordeals helps to explain why they behave the way they do. This is often the weakness of psychotherapy. The therapist only has a small window of time to work in, and client's lies and resistances keep back important information.

Uncertainty and mental health

Hannah describes the life of the Jews in Bohemia, where the Bauer's had come from: "Although characterized by cruel social and economic injustices that readily slipped into extremes of murder and massacre, the history of the Jews in Bohemia was not one of unbroken misery. Its particular curse was eternal uncertainty. Frequent expulsions were usually followed by some limited permission to resettle, and life would once more resume, but never with ordinary surety. The legacy bequeathed to Philipp and Katharina Bauer and their two children by centuries of state-decreed inferiority, familial upheaval, and spasms of dubious quiet was the trauma of hopes raised only to be brutally dashed. This pattern appeared yet again once the Jews were formally emancipated, and it colored the background of Freud and Dora's encounter...The result of many generations' precarious existence was an inherent sense of vulnerability. Although this psychological state accurately reflected their history, it led to the Jews readily agreeing with anti-Semitic explanations of why they were more disposed to neurosis than the non-Jewish population. Evidence of the Jews' belief in their own 'hereditary taint' is rife...In keeping with Darwinian and anthropological emphases of the time, they discussed their vulnerability in terms of centuries of 'inbreeding.' Or, taking refuge with - generally anti-semitic - critics of modernity, that pointed to the Jewish obsession with money or their high-strung, 'overly civilized' nature, stemming from generations of 'cosmopolitan' living. However, if nineteenth-century Jews felt themselves weaker and more susceptible to life's risks - and certainly this was not true physically, Jews having a lower mortality rate than that from the surrounding peoples - such notions had to come in part from the sense of imminent danger Jewish parents continued to transmit, in countless small ways, to their children. It is a convergent conclusion of modern psychological, sociological, and historical literature that ethnic discrimination and the stresses of acculturation are sources of mental ill health, and experimental studies have buttressed this view."

Homeland and Identity

Humans can be very self-critical and look for imperfections naturally, from years of critical upbringing and experiences in school. By the time a person who is a visible minority becomes an adult, there can be a habit of self-hatred. Criticisms from a ruling class can be absorbed into a masochism that emphasizes one's weaknesses and ignores one's strengths. A form of splitting against oneself, leading to neurosis. As a visible minority moves from location to location, only to be a minority again, but in a different location, it can bring up the same feelings of alienation. We need to seek approval from those in power to get our needs met, and stay stuck in helplessness.

Hannah describes this very well in her descriptions of Austria's liberalization of immigration. The pattern of economic collapses, then followed by scapegoating and ostracism. "The old pattern - of the Jews raising their expectations only to be disappointed - reasserted itself." One doesn't have to look too deep to see the same pattern throughout history. Economic collapse, then blame and hostility aimed at an ethnic minority. The pattern existed before the NAZIS and the holocaust, and reactions towards immigrants today after the 2008 collapse, however mild compared to the massacres of the past, betray a certain human tendency to blame those who have less power, because they are accessible, and for frustrating the goals of the majority. A lot of the labels of inferiority aimed at immigrants cover another motivation, anti-competition from people who may not be so "inferior."

Hannah describes the "Viennese artisans [who] reacted with anger and some desperation when faced with the lack of guild protection, encroachment by industrialization, depression following the 1873 crash, and, finally, competition from newly arrived Jews who peddled whatever and whenever they could. Traditionally anti-Jewish, the artisans now held the Jews responsible for the dislocations inflicted by the modern world. Moreover, an unending stream of Eastern Jews - either Austria's own, seeking relief from the grinding poverty of Galicia, or Russia's, fleeing for their lives from a czar set on destroying them - fired the native Viennese lower classes to action. By their language, dress, and distinctive customs, the new immigrants were highly visible on the streets of Vienna, and 'the growth of the Jewish population of Vienna lent exaggerated emphasis to the impression of Jewish omnipotence.' In 1882 the artisans' groups amalgamated, forming the Austrian Reform Association, which became the main organ of the Viennese anti-semitism. Speeches at meetings of the Reform Association were highly inflammatory. At one rally in March 1882, the speaker urged the hundreds of workmen to "violence against the [Jewish] capitalists." The meeting became rowdy, fights broke out, and furniture and beer glasses were smashed."

Disturbing questions were asked, like "what would the Jewish 'influence' do to Austrian life? There was a feeling that a decisive struggle, which would have profound consequences, was taking place in all areas of society." For the Jews there was a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation as described by Arthur Schnitzler. He said a jew "had the choice of being counted as insensitive, obtrusive and fresh; or of being oversensitive, shy and suffering from feelings of persecution. And even if you managed somehow to conduct yourself so that nothing showed, it was impossible to remain completely untouched...An assimilated Jew could not avoid being pained."

As people split hairs, blame got thrown around within the Jewish community. "The questioning of the Jewish right to exist freely often took crude forms. But it also expressed itself in polite Christian society as a condemnation of the Jews' 'bad manners.' Soon Jews, especially youthful ones, were saying the same thing about themselves. Jews began to blame each other for the antisemitism that surrounded them. Assimilated Jews blamed Eastern Jews and vice versa. Intellectual Jews were embarrassed by both. Modern Jewish self-hatred raged."

Loss of pride, envy and self-destruction

A curious example of self-hatred is described by Hanna, "one of these Jews was the disturbed and brilliant Otto Weininger (1880-1903), Dora's contemporary. The son of a Jewish anti-Semite. Weininger secured his doctorate in philosophy by the age of twenty-two, immediately converted to Protestantism, achieved fame for his expanded dissertation, Sex and Character, became depressed, and shot himself in the same house where Beethoven had died. Weininger's bestseller was a diatribe between his self-hatred as a Jew and his misogyny. Weininger argued that a woman is pure sexuality, contaminating a man 'in the paroxysm of orgasm.' All women are prostitutes, even those who appear otherwise. Men could only elude women by avoiding sexual intercourse, and indeed, Weininger took a vow of sexual abstinence several months before he committed suicide. Weininger wrote that even the most superior woman was immeasurably below the most debased man, just as Judaism at its highest was immeasurably beneath even degraded Christianity. Judaism was so despicable because it was shot through with femininity. As women lacked souls, so too did Jews. Both were pimps, amoral and lascivious. Both sought to make other human beings suffer guilt. Women and Jews did not think logically, but rather intuitively, by association. Weininger declared his era to be not only the most feminine but the most Jewish of all eras. Jews were even worse than women; Jews were degenerate women."

Fliess' and Freud's theories of human bisexuality, and even presaging Jung's work on the Anima and Animus, showed the difficulty people back then had with expressing different sides of themselves. One is compelled by culture to pick a masculine or feminine side and repress the other side in oneself. It's repressed but never really gone. Hannah describes, probably one of the best examples of psychological projection I've ever read. She says "Weininger killed himself because he felt he could not overcome the woman and Jew in him." With projection one is disturbed by cultural influences found in oneself. One can see that one can live a life possibility that might be attractive, but that possibility may also be dangerous in a society that might punish it. Then the person who is projecting aims contempt at oneself at the same time aims contempt to those cultural influencers. If enough people are caught up in this ambivalence, then the same reaction of self-hatred and projection, with overt contempt, can motivate a cultural movement. A cleansing purge. To clean oneself, and then, if aggravated enough, ethnically cleanse the rest of society. Hannah says, "the truth is that Weininger had only expressed flamboyantly what many believed: that women were an inferior order of being and that all other inferior groups could be compared with women when one was trying to explain the essence of their deficiencies." The self-hatred in this situation is to look at femininity as weakness and to have contempt towards weakness in part of oneself and blame others for their influence, and also the humiliation. Right here envy can be summed up as the pain of losing pride. In Weininger's case, the pain was so large that suicide was his escape.

Hannah describes a warning by "Rosa Mayreder, the Austrian feminist, [who] gave a telling example of its widespread and authoritative existence [of these views]. "The Germans," she pointed out, "ascribe womanly characteristics to the Slavs - a piece of national assumption expressed by Bismarck...in April, 1895. 'I believe [he declared] that we Germans, by God's grace, are fundamentally stronger; I mean, manlier in our character. God has established this dualism, this juxtaposition of manliness and womanliness, in every aspect of creation...It is not my wish to offend the Slavs, but they have many of the feminine advantages - they have grace and cleverness, subtlety and adroitness.'" Therefore, the Germans in Austria, Bismarck advised, should remember that they are the superior race and predominate, 'just as in marriage the man ought to predominate.'"

Modern example of bigotry: https://ktla.com/2017/09/07/lousy-speaking-immigrant-oklahoma-woman-records-racist-rant-at-goodwill/

David Duke: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Yx3c0i5Fyk

A reminder that everyone can be traced back as a descendant to someone who was originally an immigrant with the same struggles: White Stripes - Icky Thump: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OjTspCqvk8

Inferiority or superiority?

Yet if we go to that Bismarck quote extolling "might is always right", there is an admission that femininity has advantages, meaning not inferior, but different. Since conflict is based on fighting over identities, identities being how well we can feed our pride, what people are complaining about is not inferiority, but superiority. If the Jews were considered "clever women", then it was simply fear of competing with their cleverness, not their inferiority. Consciously or unconsciously, people want their competitors to be inferior. Going back to Bismarck's quote one can also see the self-hatred of the feminine side of one self. If what Freud says is true, that most people have some bisexuality, that means this attitude requires a lot of internal and external repression.

Naturally Dora would have been affected by an environment like this and bring her frustrations towards men and aim them at Freud. Freud would also be transferring emotions towards Ida based on his upbringing and the contemporaneous understanding that women should know their place.

Otto Bauer

There were attempts to change this situation for the Jewish people by socialists. Otto, Ida's brother, felt socialism was the method to help people integrate harmoniously in European society. By eliminating differences, exacerbated by the competition in capitalism, humanity would mix together in such a way as to make ethnic differences disappear. This motive led him to want to join politics. Yet Freud disagreed with Otto and "advised him to give up politics and become a teacher or university professor, a career better suited to his idealistic temperament than the volatile and hazardous arena of Austrian politics...[He] tried to talk Otto out of changing the world, warning him: 'Don't try to make people happy, people don't want to be happy.'" This attitude would colour much of psychology all the way up to the beginning of positive psychology in the late 20th century. "Because his view that human nature was instinctive and not likely to be changed fundamentally by environmental manipulation, Freud believed that socialist and communist efforts to reform human society could not succeed," as Otto had wished.

Yet this is partially disingenuous. Freud's system is that of getting clients to accept the world as it is and to make changes to the environment, and to gain love. To repress the negative affect, and to be helpless, leads to self-destructive emotions. To deal with the world as it is, like a labour of love, or a laboured love in how it feels to make it happen, produces realistic positive emotions that can be achieved. Even if communism as tried, failed, a democratic socialism is accepted in most western countries. There is also generational socialist experiments that get partially accepted by conservative groups, when they are popular enough. If anything this is possibly the reason why there is ambivalence. People don't actually know what a better future will be, and there will be experiments and failures along the way. There will also be some successes. People do want to be happy, but they are ambivalent on how to go about it, and may go down on paths they think are happiness, but end up being the opposite.

Blur - Tender: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaHrqKKFnSA

Economic influences

The pattern of ups and downs of life keep repeating throughout humanity, surprising new generations without the experience of loss. The typical pattern: Economic success, a following complacency, reckless investments, economic collapse, scarcity, a gathering together in groups of the same ethnic and cultural backgrounds for safety and pride. Then there's scapegoating of people of weaker power with excuses that their habits or cultures are at fault, weak and contemptible, but in reality this is a disguise for a fear of competition. This is especially true if some of ethnic minorities manage to achieve status, despite being labeled with contempt, while some from an ethnic majority lose status. If they really were so contemptible, there would be nothing to fear from their competition. What used to be a downward comparison that gave special treatment for some, becomes a painful and humiliating upward comparison. A threat to an identity, is based on emotional feeding and addictions to stable sources of pride and pleasure. Pride needs a core identity that supports it, and when lost, makes people want to identify as a "superior" race, identify with "superior" past generations, a distorted "golden age" nostalgia. The hope to regain a lost identity, is the desire to step into the shoes of some kind of recognition of value. Pride.

Violence and the Sacred - René Girard: https://rumble.com/v1gsnwv-the-origin-of-envy-and-narcissism-ren-girard.html

Emotional Feeding: https://rumble.com/v1gqvl1-emotional-feeding-thanissaro-bhikkhu.html

Conflation of enemies

Now this isn't to say that Jewish people are perfect, and that there shouldn't be some assimilation to values, principles and laws of a country, I mean that's why you want to move to that country, because it has values you like! Yet there's a tendency to take bad apples, which exist in all cultures, and lump them together with their entire ethnicity. The embarrassment is described very well by Freud. He "attended the funeral of a friend, Nathan Weiss, who had committed suicide. Weiss's family and friends publicly blamed his death on the family of his new wife. Freud described one censorious funeral orator who 'spoke with the powerful voice of the fanatic, with the ardor of the savage, merciless Jew.' The reaction of Freud and his medical colleagues was to be 'petrified with horror and shame in the presence of the Christians who were among us. It seemed as though we had given them reason to believe that we worship the God of Revenge, not the God of Love.'"

Self-respect

Yet this need for revenge, or at least an assertive response to bigotry, seems to be extremely hard to avoid, and also a qualification for healthy self-respect. This is something that Freud eventually came around to. Freud had to decide what his response to antisemitism would be. When Freud's father told the story of being told to get off the sidewalk because he was a Jew, and his response to do just that and walk away, was too submissive of a response for him. Freud said, “I never understood why I should be ashamed of my descent or, as one was beginning to say, my race.”

"Freud's son Martin recalled that in 1901, in the Bavarian summer resort of Thumsee, Freud routed a gang of about ten men, and some female supporters, who had been shouting antisemitic abuse at Martin and his brother Oliver, by charging furiously at them with his walking stick. Freud must have found these moments gratifying contrasts to his father’s passive submission to being bullied."

One doesn't have to start something with people to feel safe, but if agitated and provoked over and over again, it only stops if there is an assertive response. We have to respect the rights of others, be we also have to respect our own rights. This way we avoid being passive or aggressive, which all involve boundaries being violated.

Assertiveness - An Introduction: https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/assertiveness.html

A Case of Hysteria - Sigmund Freud: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780199639861/

Freud, Dora, and Vienna 1900 - Hannah S. Decker: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780029072127/

Physiology of Love and Other Writings - Paolo Mantegazza: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781442691728/

Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780061339202/

Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780671023379/

Ellis, A. W. & Raitmayr, O. & Herbst, C. (2016). The Ks: The Other Couple in the Case of Freud’s “Dora”. Journal of Austrian Studies 48(4), 1-26. University of Nebraska Press.

I See Satan Fall Like Lightning - René Girard: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781570753190/

René Girard and Creative Mimesis - Thomas Ryba: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781498550574/

René Girard and Creative Reconciliation - Thomas Ryba: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780739169001/

The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780261103207/

A Survey of the Woman Problem - Rosa Mayreder: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781330999349/

Psychology: http://psychreviews.org/category/psychology01/

#blackkklansman #sigmund freud #dora #psychoanalysis #transference #countertransference #oedipus complex #Projection #rene girard #Envy

0 notes

ecoamerica · 1 month

Text

youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

16K notes · View notes

randomshyperson · 3 years

Text

Palm Springs - Leigh Shaw

All Works Masterlist

Summary: In Palm Springs, Leigh meets you. The season one finale re-imagined.

Warnings: (+18), smut, cursing, dom!reader, bottom!leigh, explicit language, explicit consent, brief mentions of harassment, fluff, brief rivalry dynamics, hopeful ending.

Words: 5.378K

Notes: My love, @abimess, this is my apologies for you. I kept mistaken "Wanda" instead of "Leigh" at some points in the writing, but it all worked out in the end. I hope you all enjoy the read, this is my first time writing for this character.

//-//

You threw the signed divorce papers against the passenger seat, ignoring the thick tears that welled up in your eyes.

Raising your hand, you turned up the radio and kept driving. Your cell phone started ringing the next moment, but you ignored it. It was probably Bucky or Steve calling to find out where you were after your little outburst at the company fundraiser.

Honestly, it wasn't your fault. You were handling it all very well, but Carol decided it would be a good idea to give you the divorce papers while you were surrounded by your closest friends, and that was the trigger. But now you were driving to Palm Springs, finally taking the damn vacation your ex-wife had put you through so much hell to get, but now, the seat next to you was empty.

It took a few hours to get there, since the complex is in New York, but you didn't care, having spent most of the way trying to understand how you managed to lose a woman like Carol Danvers.

No bags, you ignored the curious look one of the hotel staff gave you as soon as you pulled into the parking lot, smiling slightly as you took off your sunglasses and asked for directions to the front desk.

You frowned slightly as you were almost run over.

"Watch where you're going!" You shouted angrily at the driver, and the woman returned you the same angry look. Great, you've barely arrived and you almost died. This weekend was promising.

Stepping back, you waited for the woman to drive, not failing to give her a wry smile as she passed you. After this, you walked to the reception desk, and the area was quite full, which was normal for a weekend.

"Reservation in the name Danvers." You said to the receptionist after the greetings. He smiled as he checked the information.

"Valentine's suite, I see." He commented cheerfully. "Shall I prepare a second key for your partner?"

"It's just going to be me, buddy." You grumble, ignoring the uneasy feeling in your stomach. The man smiles awkwardly, but doesn't apologize.

After checking in, you go up to the third floor.

The room makes you sigh with disgust, the flowers and chocolates give you a headache. It takes ten minutes to find a chambermaid and ask her to remove all the decorations.

While your room is being cleaned, you decide to buy something to wear, since you didn't bring anything to spend the weekend at the hotel.

"Good morning." You mumble the greeting as you enter the gift store, your gaze wandering around.

"How can I help you, dear?" The saleswoman asks politely, smiling at you.

"I need something to wear for the two days I'm staying. It was a last-minute trip." You tell her, and the saleswoman looks surprised, but doesn't comment.

The woman eventually showed you the summer shirt section, and you sighed softly as you looked through the options. She walked away to attend to another customer, and you left your attention to the clothes.

A moment later, you picked out a few pieces and turned to talk to the saleswoman, only to run into the woman who had almost run you over earlier looking at the book section.

"You again." You let it slip not so low, attracting the woman's attention. She frowns for a second, and then she recognizes you. But before she can say anything, the saleswoman is speaking.

"Oh, you two know each other already?" She asks excitedly. "It's amazing how we can find friends here in Palm Springs isn't it?"

"We're not friends." You both inform at the same moment, and you squeeze your eyes shut slightly. The woman straightens her posture, pressing the book lightly against her chest as you switch the shirts on your arm. The saleswoman's curious expression prompts you to speak.

"Actually, she almost killed me." You say. "It was going to be quite a headline for this hotel. I'd be careful about the people you guys host around here."

The saleswoman looks at you with confusion, while the other woman lets out a dry laugh.

"You're the one who walked across in the middle of the street!" she defends herself. "It's not my fault if you weren't taught how to cross the street in school."

"Oh, so it's the victim's fault now?" You retort and the woman looks at you incredulously. A third customer enters the store and stares curiously at the argument, but the saleswoman is quick to gesture between you, smiling wryly.

"Oh come on, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding" The saleswoman remarks and you sustain the annoyed look the other woman is casting at you. "There's no need for an argument."

"Of course not." The woman says forcing a smile, but her posture remains aggressive. "We are both civilized adults."

You bite your tongue to avoid another provocation, looking away from the green irises in front of you.

"Of course you are." The saleswoman says smiling, and then her gaze catches the shirts hanging from your forearm and she lets out a light exclamation. "Come on, I can finalize your purchase if that's all, dear."

You turn toward the cashier next, and it is only after you have paid for the clothes and are leaving that you see the other woman again on your way back, but she does not look away from the books to you. You couldn't care less.

//-//

In your room, you can't resist the urge to look at your phone.

Bucky has called five times. And Steve even sent you an email. You sigh weakly, feeling guilty as you catch a glimpse of Tony and Natasha's message notifications.

Your friends didn't care that you started crying in the middle of the meeting you were at because your ex-wife decided to bring a sensitive topic like the end of your five-year marriage to the table, but you were hating yourself for it.

At this point, you didn't even know what you had been crying about anymore. You and Carol had always had a difficult relationship, and since you got married, you began to wonder why you had done it in the first place.

You loved her so much when you first met her, and then everything gradually broke down. The lack of compatibility, the jealousy and possessiveness, and the lack of time. Carol was a soldier in the army, and you were a Shield special agent, and your jobs took up a lot of your schedules. But you knew that this was just another empty excuse. After all, your best friend, Natasha, was also an agent, as was her wife, and they made everything work properly.

Maybe things were meant to happen that way. That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

After taking a shower, you grumble lightly as you realize that you forgot to buy a bathing suit. And well, everything special about Palm Springs was the magnificent pools.

You figured the shorts and top you had would have to fit.

The pools were considerably more crowded than the rest of the hotel, and this was probably due to the current temperature.

You decided to buy a drink before sunbathing, realizing that most of the chairs were occupied.

The bartender was a pretty girl and smiled mischievously at you when her gaze fell on your collarbone exposed by the cut of your shirt, but you just gave her a half-hearted smile. Being newly divorced wasn't exactly the best scenario for flirting.

"What can I get you?" The woman asked as she rested her hands on the counter in front of her. You bit your lip thoughtfully, running your eyes down one of the menus left on the wood.

"Honestly, I don't know anything here." You say. "But I would like something sweet."

It takes a few minutes for her to prepare a drink for you, and you thank her as you accept.

As you sip a drink that tastes like strawberries and condensed milk, you look around the surroundings.

You frown slightly as you recognize the woman from the store, watching her sit in one of the chairs that has just been emptied in front of the bar. She doesn't notice you, but you notice her exposed legs, mentally scolding yourself for doing so.

As you take another sip of your drink, your tongue getting used to the sugary sweetness, a man approaches the stranger in front of you. From this proximity, you can hear the conversation, or rather the small harassment that he was doing.

Rolling your eyes at the stranger's clearly offensive attempt to approach the other woman, you force yourself to get up and walk over to them.

Well, Nat always said that you were a person with a natural talent for theater and you wish she were here now to see the little scene you caused.

Pretending to trip over the sunshade support, you made a sudden movement and knocked your entire drink against the man's collarbone, who let out an exclamation of anger and surprise as he stood up.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" You asked in a falsely guilty tone, forcing an expression of shock. Before he could say anything, you were already grabbing one of the towels left on the little tables beside the chairs and throwing it harder than necessary against the man's face. "Here, honey, clean yourself up."

The man blinked in surprise, and glared angrily at you for a second before muttering "whatever" and turning to leave. When he was already a safe distance away, you turned your face to look at the seated woman.

"Sorry about your book." You speak as you notice that the spilled drink has dripped a little on the pages. "But if you ask me, the ending sucks."

"Thanks, I guess." The woman mumbles not keeping her gaze on you. "I didn't need you to help me, by the way." She adds and you roll your eyes, realizing that the chair next to her got empty after your little commotion. When you sit down, she raises her gaze to you in disbelief.

"Who said I was helping you?" You retort. "I love throwing expensive drinks at strangers."

Your joke elicits a nasal chuckle from the woman, who softens her posture.

"If you want to lose money, I suggest donating rather than wasting it." She teases back and you bite back a smile, shaking your head slightly. When she opens the book again and leans her back against the chair, clearly deciding to ignore your presence, you copy the position, but stand with your arms folded across your chest and close your eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun against your skin.

You are tired from the trip, and eventually fall asleep. When you open your eyes again, the woman is no longer there.

//-//

Since you have napped until the afternoon, there is no chance you will sleep early. You try to distract yourself with television, but most of the programs are pay-per-view and you have probably already exceeded all the limits that a Shield salary can afford, so you decide to spend some time on the activities included in your weekend bundle.

After putting on a shirt to join the lobby, you take the elevator down and step out into the outdoor area, not surprised to find the place as busy as before. The difference is perhaps the lack of children because of the time of day.

You walk toward the bar and roll your eyes slightly when you notice the same man as before being loud and boisterous along with a small group partying near the place. But you ignore them as you sit down on the first stool you find.

"Well, if it isn't my knight in white armor." A female voice comments wryly beside you, surprising you mildly. You look at the woman with a raised eyebrow, but she is looking straight ahead.

"So you expect me to call you a princess? We don't even know each other." You retort in the same tone, and watch the woman bite back a smile, rolling her eyes slightly.

You stand in silence while you order a drink, this time smiling in the same way that the bartender smiles at you. While you wait, you can' t help but look over to the side.

"You know, I think I might need to get your name." You begin in a tone of false seriousness, not knowing why you want to pull conversation with the stranger, but doing it anyway. "Since I need to know who to sue for attempted hit-and-run."

The woman laughs lightly, and as she sets her drinking glass back down on the counter, she turns her body toward you, without getting up.

"The smart thing then wouldn't be to say my name, don't you think?" She retorts with amusement in her voice. "That way I avoid a lawsuit."

You smile in a corner, shaking your head slightly. You lean your arm on the counter, and it takes a moment for her to speak again.

"I'm Leigh."

"No last name so I can't find your ID, right?" You tease and she smiles, licking her lips for a moment. "Well, I won't tell you mine either then." You comment before telling her only your first name, and she laughs lightly. "May I at least know your profession? Or, I don't know, where you're from? I need that information to track you down."

You joke, and Leigh makes a thoughtful expression for a moment.

"I'm from everywhere actually." She says mysteriously. "Because I'm an international jewel thief."

You smile at the mixed tone of seriousness and playfulness in her speech, respecting her right not to want to tell you the truth, and acknowledging the identity she chooses to assume.

"Oh, really?" You ask joining in the joke. "And let me guess, your disguise happens to be as a fashion stylist, right? And you have a red motorcycle and deadly poison hidden in your lipstick?"

Leigh holds back her laughter, nodding.

"I can't confirm any of that information, actually." She says. "After all, a little incident happened and I wasn't able to finish the story."

You laugh at the teasing, taking a sip of your drink. Before the moment of silence lasts any longer, you ask if you can approach. When Leigh consents, you take the seat next to her.

"And what do you do?" she asks as soon as you sit down. You clear your throat lightly.

"I'm a secret agent, actually." You tell her and from the woman's expression, she still believes you are joking. You do not correct yourself however. "Lasers and villains, the whole story."

Leigh smiles, murmuring in understanding.

"And what is a secret agent doing in Palm Springs?" She asks next and you assume a dramatically thoughtful expression.

"I got a hint actually." You reply. "A jewel thief, fugitive from the government. I'm trying to gather information to effect her arrest."

Leigh fakes an expression of horror making you laugh.

"If I see anything suspicious, I'll give you a heads up." She jokes and you smile, enjoying the whole thing. Before you can add anything else, the small group next to the bar let out loud laughter and they attract your and Leigh's attention.

You frown slightly when you witness the guy from earlier whistling at one of the hotel staff, the people with him finding his little scene of harassment funny.

"I guess a drink in the face isn't enough for some idiots." You comment and Leigh sighs mildly. She looks at you at the same moment you look at her.

"Maybe more drinks will be enough."

That's how you end up doing a little mischief that involves distracting the stranger with comments about his muscles while Leigh approaches and manages to get the man's card. When you walk away, after she hands the bartender the hotel ID after ordering a round for everyone at the bar on the stranger's behalf, you were laughing.

"I'm beginning to believe your thief story." You amused comment as soon as you and Leigh reach the trail out of the bar area. She just smiles at your words. You clear your throat next. "I guess I need to show off my secret agent skills then."

Leigh looks at you curiously, but you just smile as you nod in the direction of the gardens.

You walk for a few minutes in silence, and you remember everything you have observed since you arrived at the hotel, and are able to find the small opening in the fence that you saw some staff members pass through in the afternoon.

"Please, milady." You joke as you make room for Leigh to cross the path first, and she rolls her eyes with amusement before doing so.

You end up in some kind of unfinished private garden, but one that is still very pretty.

Perhaps it is an area under construction for some kind of party, as it has a stage set up in the center and some folded chairs scattered about.

Your attention falls immediately to the piano that has also been set up high on the dark stage.

"How did you find this place?" Leigh asks as she looks around, and you walk past her to get on the stage, eliciting a giggle.

"Field study, of course." You reply with false seriousness. " A secret agent never goes anywhere without studying the whole place first."

Leigh murmurs in agreement, deciding to follow you to the stage. You take a seat on the piano bench while she remains standing in front of the organ.

"Do you have any requests?" You ask looking down at your fingers as she studies your face.

"Old Mac Donald had a Farm." She replies and you choke on a laugh.

"And I thought your taste in music was as good as your fashion sense." You tease causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Is that your way of complimenting what I'm wearing?" She retorts but you just bite back a smile, moving your fingers across the keys.

You decide to play a melody that she may not recognize, but is exactly what you feel you should play.

When the first notes of " Spring - Ludovico Einaudi" echo in the room, Leigh looks at you in surprise, but you just smile.

It takes a moment for her to surround the piano, and to sit down next to you. You continue to play, enjoying the sound and concentrating not to misplay the notes.

When you make a particularly fast movement on the piano, Leigh looks at you impressed, but you just push your shoulder lightly against hers, smiling. Neither of you regains the distance from before, and you continue to play.

When you finish, you are silent for a moment.

"Where did you learn to do that?" She asks in her low, impressed tone as you both look down at your hands on the keys. You sigh slightly, moving your fingers away and placing your hands in your lap.

"I used to play when I was a kid." You reply. "Before I was a secret agent, of course."

Leigh smiles, biting her lips lightly. You look away from the movement, to her hands quickly.

"Let me show you." You whisper as you reach out your hand to hers. When she accepts, you position her fingers on the keys, and then fit your hand on top of hers. "You start like this."

The sound is far from perfect, and Leigh laughs every time she misses a note, so you don't really care.

You stay like this for a few minutes, until you can get her to complete five notes without making a mistake.

"See? You' re almost a pianist already." You comment with a smile, looking at her face. She mimics your movement, and you feel your heart skip a beat from the closeness.

You feel the tension build in the room, but before you can think of doing anything, a male voice is breaking the spell.

"Sorry, but this area is for employees only." Informs the young man from the hotel, seeming slightly embarrassed to interrupt. You and Leigh quickly walk away, standing up and muttering an apology in unison to the guy, who waits until you leave by the trail he guides.

When you reach the entrance to the social area again, the employee closes the gate, waving slightly. You and Leigh exchange amused smiles.

"So... what do you want to do now?" You ask the next moment, wanting to prolong the evening.

"I want to swim." She declares and you frown slightly, then shrug. You nod in the direction of the pools and you exchange a glance before starting to walk.

//-//

At the edge of the pool, you sigh slightly.

You exchange a look with Leigh, standing next to you, and then you laugh softly as you both begin to undress.

You can't resist the urge to look at her, especially since she jumps in first and you catch a glimpse of her body covered only by a bikini. Ignoring your uncompensated heartbeat, you jump into the water next.

It's a good thing the water was cold, because you are feeling your face and body heat up at the way Leigh looks at you.

Trying to lighten the mood, you swim around her, casually meeting her gaze again as she mimics the movement.

You laugh lightly when you realize that you are swimming in circles around each other, and decide to stop. Leigh swims in front of you a moment later.

"Hello, superspy." She greets you almost in a whisper waving her arms to continue on the surface in front of you.

"Hello, international thief." You speak back in the same tone, your gazes locked on each other.

You wonder if she would like you to break the distance, as her gaze has lowered to your lips for a few seconds. But before you can surrender to this urge, she takes a step back.

"I'm cold."

And then she swims away, and you wonder if you have taken the whole thing the wrong way.

Following her a little way back, you look for towels.

//-//

"Which floor are you on?" You ask as you reach the elevators, each with a towel around your body. You watch Leigh tighten her arms against herself slightly.

"Second." She replies half-heartedly, and you nod.

"Let's go together then."

She gets into the elevator first, and after she presses the button, you stand next to her, your back against the wall.

The tension is back the moment the doors close, but after the pool, you find it best not to take any action, not wishing to make Leigh uncomfortable.

You reach her floor a moment later, and when she doesn't leave, you hold your breath.

You risk a corner-of-your-eye glance at her, but she continues to stare straight ahead, sighing slightly.

Trying not to look like a complete mess, you wait for your floor to arrive.

//-//

The way down the hallway is silent, and despite your nervousness, you don't fumble to open your room.

Leigh enters first, and strides into the room as you close the door.

She stops in the center, her gaze scanning around for a moment before returning to you. You hold your breath, and then she lets the set of clothes in her hands fall to the floor.

You bite back a smile, mimicking the movement. Taking a deep breath, you do the same with your towel, and ignore the heat in your cheeks as Leigh's gaze descends to your body covered only by your underwear.

She removes the towel at your waist next, and you stare at her exposed legs for a moment before moving slowly toward her.

You smile shyly as you stop in front of her, and it takes a second for you to slowly lift your fingers to touch her, tracing the outline of her arm and watching her skin shiver.

"Everything okay?" You ask softly raising your gaze from where your fingers were touching to her eyes. Leigh sighs, shaking her head in agreement. You give her a short smile, placing your hand on her cheek, and watching her lean into the touch slightly. "Use your words." You ask in a whisper, your other hand repeating the motion of your fingers from before, even more slowly.

"Y-yes." She confirms half breathlessly. "And you?"

"Yes." You say, your hand reaching for the strap of her bikini. "I'm going to kiss you now, Leigh."

She nods in understanding, sighing heavily. You didn't correctly calculate how attracted you were to her, because the moment your lips touched, you felt your head spin and it was hard not to push her against the bed immediately.

You both sigh against the kiss, and you slide your tongue into her mouth next, your hand on her face running down to her neck, deepening the kiss even more.

Leigh seems hesitant to touch you for the first second, but then she gasps against your tongue, and brings her hands to your shoulders, bringing one of them up to the back of your neck and scratching the skin, making you sigh.

With the hand that was on the bikini strap, you use your fingers to pull the strap down, and with the other hand you repeat the movement on the other side. When the bikini falls to the floor, your hands go down to her waist, and you pull her toward you.

Leigh gasps at the contact of your breasts bumping together, breaking the kiss with a wet sigh, and you take the opportunity to move your mouth down her collarbone, enjoying the sounds you manage to get out of her whenever you bite her sensitive skin softly.

You lean against her to lower your kisses to her breasts, and when your mouth finds the hardened nipple, she arches her back, closing her eyes as her fingers force your head forward against her breast.

"Oh." She moans as she feels you suck on her nipple, your other hand moving up to give her other breast due attention, your fingers playing with the tip. " Oh, fuck, that feels good."

You smile against her skin, feeling your core tighten with the sounds you are tearing out of her.

When your hand on her waist moves down to her ass, squeezing the flesh and pressing Leigh's hips against yours as your mouth continues on her breast, she moans loudly as she throws her head back, shuddering against you.

It's enough to make you lose control. You need to know how she tastes.

Gasping, you move your kisses down again, and Leigh holds her breath as you get down on your knees.

You kiss her thighs first, while your hands pull down the fabric of her panties.

When the fabric falls away completely, you swallow dry, your gaze glazed on the exposed intimacy of the woman in front of you, your mouth salivating to taste her.

"I-I'm gonna fall." She comments shyly, and you notice how her knees are already shaky. You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to stand up.

You take Leigh by the hand to your bed, and she stands there, making you smile. You move forward against her mouth again, and she sighs, almost losing her balance from the intensity.

"Lie down." You ask between one kiss and another, making her moan softly. "Spread your legs for me."

Leigh gasps against your lips as you slip your fingers through her folds for a moment, before pulling away until she obeys. You bite your lips as you watch her lie down.

Before you join her, you remove the rest of your clothes. Leigh's cheeks redden, but you give her no time to register this, climbing onto the bed with your knee between her legs and kissing her again.

As she begins to squirm beneath you for more friction, you move your kisses down her body.

She closes her eyes when your mouth is at the level of her belly, breathing hard.

When your tongue touches her pussy, you both moan loudly. You are amazed at how wet and hot she feels, the taste filling all your senses. And Leigh bites her lips to stop herself from moaning out in pleasure when your tongue begins to move against her clit, sucking and licking her devotedly and making her whimper.

"F-fuck." She moans breathlessly, her hips thrusting into your mouth. "Yeah...right there... don't stop..."

You lift your hands to her thighs, holding her open. Your own intimacy pulsing from the way Leigh is surrendered to you and the sounds she gives you.

Keeping the strokes of your tongue as deep as you can and being sure to press your clitoris in return, you feel her pussy tighten and Leigh's body begins to quiver in spasms.

"I-I'm... close... fuck..." she begins to whimper disconnected words, long moans escaping her throat. It takes only two more strokes for her to come on your tongue, her moan loud enough to be heard in the next room, but neither of you care.

You drink all of her cum, enjoying the taste and feeling on edge, without even having been touched yet.

Moving up your kisses again, you deposit slow kisses against Leigh's skin, waiting for her to recover from her own orgasm.

When you reach her mouth, she kisses you back with the same intensity.

You just know you're not going to sleep early tonight.

//-//

When you wake up, your bed is empty. You are surprised by this, really.

The night was very good. Much better than any one-night stand you have ever had.

After getting dressed by finding your articles of clothing, you walk to the front desk.

It takes a few minutes to find Leigh, and you frown when you realize from the bag in her hands, the documents, and the car key that she is leaving.

"Wow, you weren't even going to leave a note." You tease as you catch up with her. She is startled by your sudden presence, but forces a smile.

"Look, I'm sorry..." she starts but you shake your head.

"No need." You interrupt by putting your hands in your pockets and shrugging. "It was just one night after all."

"Yes." She reaffirms what you say, staring at you. You hold her gaze, and a long minute later she sighs. "No, it wasn't."

You swallow dryly, watching her. She seems conflicted about something, her expression going from worried to guilty in a few seconds, and then she takes a deep breath and shakes her head before looking at you again.

"I can't." She says, and you sigh lightly. "I just... can't."

"It's okay." You decide to say, ignoring the way your stomach is flipping with nervousness or your heart is racing. "We are civilized adults, aren't we?"

Leigh smiles, and you watch her eyes water for a moment before she quickly hides her emotion. You feel the same way.

" This is a goodbye." Leigh says next, and you look away to the floor, nodding in understanding.

"Goodbye, Leigh. It was nice meeting you." You say as you look at her again, forcing a smile even though your eyes are watering.

She smiles, approaching to kiss your cheek close enough to your lips to make you shiver. She doesn't pull away immediately, raising her mouth to the height of your ear, she whispers "I left a note." and before you can understand what has been said to you, she is gone.

It is only at the end of the day, many hours after she has left, and you are already inside your car that you rummage in your pants pocket looking for the car key that you find the note.

It is a piece torn from the page of the book "Unmoored in milan", the paper stained with drink. In the corner, in cursive letters it is written. "to my favorite secret agent. Leigh Shaw, Los Angeles."

You smiled at the words, and as you were driving back to New York, you wondered how long it would take Natasha to find out Leigh's phone number.

//-//

Tag list> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia

@mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @HELLOALYCIA // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm

// @sxfwap // @table57

1K notes · View notes

ahundredtimesover · 3 years

Text

Inevitable (02) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader (ft. ot6)

Genre/Tags: exes au, parents au, baseball player!JK; angst, fluff, smut (18+)

Series Warnings: foul language, alcohol consumption, minor character death, explicit sexual content in future chapters (oral, unprotected sex but be safe please!)

Chapter Word count: 7.2k

Summary: You convinced Jungkook to break up years ago so he could pursue his lifelong baseball dream. Now he’s back home, staring at you, and the little boy next to you who looks unmistakably like him.

A/N: So appreciative of your love for this story! I’m quite nervous with this one because I had to make changes last minute so I hope you still enjoy it. Also, you can message me if you want to be part of the taglist (or if I missed tagging you)!

Series Masterlist || Previous || Next

“Thank you again, Mr. Jeon. Quite frankly, this still feels surreal but we’re so glad you’re back.”

Jungkook bows at the man, one of the executives of the Doosan Bears, one he’d just had a meeting with, which followed an interview with a sports writer.

For the past week, Jungkook’s days have been filled with meeting and talking to many people, forcing smiles and making conversations that quite frankly tire him but he welcomes this, knowing that any beat of silence will just force his mind to settle on you. And his pain. And his anger.

The man stops him in the hallway to point at a frame of the elder Jeon holding up the team’s 1999 championship trophy.

“Hopefully you’ll have one, too, and we’ll place it right next to this,” he says, a statement that Jungkook’s been hearing in a variety of forms the past few days of interviews and appearances.

It’s different this time because his father had achieved so many things back here, a national hero if people wanted to stretch it. Here, Jungkook has to live up to expectations, which many people believe he’ll exceed. His father, a good player and an even better leader, had been loved by many in the sports world, and it’s an honor they get to watch Jungkook play in the flesh, reminiscent of the man that many adored.

In the US, they didn’t know his father, so Jungkook was able to pave his own path there, make a name for himself guided only by the thought and dream of his hero, and not living in his shadow. It’s a dream they shared and one he’d achieved.

But for the first time, it doesn’t comfort Jungkook. For the first time, it angers him. It’s that dream that took you away from him, that took Jungwon away from him. It’s this dream that essentially broke his heart in ways he never imagined.

Everyone is quiet as they absorb everything that Jungkook has said. Since that day at your apartment, he’d been radio silent when it came to his friends, but he’s here at Jin’s loft now, with Jimin whom he’s still cold towards, and Yoongi and Hoseok who complete the group, as they’re Jin’s and Namjoon’s friends from college who’d gotten close to the young ones, too.

They’re glad they finally have the time to just be together after a crazy week. Ironically, it’s a somber event. This isn’t how they imagined welcoming the young one home.

They’re incomplete though. By nature of the concern at hand, Taehyung isn’t around; he’d left the group chat anyway so he wouldn’t have known that Jungkook messaged - finally, after a week of bombarding everyone with messages about you only to stop after he stormed out of your apartment. Namjoon is also not here, still not checking their group chat.

“Wow, I can’t believe ___ was pregnant all that time and had been able to keep the kid from us for years,” Hoseok finally speaks up, shock still evident in his voice. He’d been the one most vocal in stating what everyone else was thinking, the rest opting to just shut up and leave the talking to Jungkook, who’s now allowed himself to once again feel all the emotions in the presence of his friends.

They know that very little things get to him - whether they’re external stressors, outside pressure, naysayers, envious people, or school, he’d always been able to manage them.

He rarely gets angry, too, and doesn’t really let negative feelings fester, so Jungkook with a piercing gaze, pursed lips, flared nostrils, and clenched fists, as he is right now, is an unfamiliar sight to them.

And it’s all because of you.

Jungkook never took the very few relationships he had before you seriously; he’d been too focused on the sport ever since he was a kid.

But you captured him immediately and since that day at the field when he’d thrown a baseball and almost hit Taehyung on the arm and you’d shouted at Jungkook relentlessly for being a careless jerk, he knew that he’d want to shut you up with kisses just so you could get mad at him again.

He’d been a cheeky sophomore then, enjoying the bit of popularity he was gaining in Seoul for being an immediate standout of their university’s baseball team - the Pride of Busan, he’d been called - and he hadn’t expected this beautiful woman to almost knock him out for almost hitting her friend, even if Taehyung had been adamant that the hit was several centimeters off.

“I have better aim than that,” Jungkook had told you smugly, and his heart fluttered at the gagging face you made.

He wasn’t usually that bold but he felt it was worth it, especially if it was to see you scowl then try to hide a smile after. It took a few days until you’d given him more than 5 minutes of your time, then another few weeks before you finally agreed to a date, and then just two months to convince you that he was definitely worthy to be something more.

You both knew you’d fallen in love with each other even before either of you said it, the words always catching in your throats whenever you tried, but then he finally did, and he was over the moon when you’d said it back and he’d never been happier.

Even when you walked out that door and out of his life that December evening, he’d held onto you, your lingering presence enough for you to still be his anchor, his love, his guiding light.

He never thought that at one point, he’d beg for that to not be you. Just the thought of you sends him into a spiral, not of heartbreak or despair like before, he reckons that was even better; but of the feeling of resentment and betrayal.

Everyone’s chatter faints into background noise for a while, with Jungkook’s friends saying maybe you’d come back to Seoul only recently, hearing from Namjoon that you stayed in Daejeon with your cousin to work at a tech company. It had been a mystery how none of them caught up sooner, having only seen you twice a year at most and not knowing anything else.

“Ask Jimin,” Jungkook chimes in bitterly. “He was in on it anyway.”

The three older men turn to the man in question, Jimin meeting their curious gazes with a guilty look, knowing at some point Jungkook would grill him.

“Remember that woman I dated two years ago, the teacher?” He sighs.

Everyone nods.

“I surprised her one time at the daycare center where she was working. That’s how I bumped into ___. It was pretty obvious at first glance that Jungwon is Kook’s kid. I mean,” Jimin smiles, thinking about the little boy who’s taken his heart as well, reminding him of the best parts of Jungkook that's laid dormant for years. “Wide eyes, shy smile, puffy cheeks and soft features. It was unmistakable.”

Jimin remembers that day well, how flustered you’d been, arriving at the daycare an hour late and profusely apologizing to the staff. He’d stopped you then, his shocked face enough to let you know what he was thinking as you held the boy in your arms. It didn’t take long for you to tell him the truth, begging him not to tell his best friend.

“He’s finally playing in the major league, Jimin. There are too many good things going on for him there. I mean he— he’s happy. It won’t do good for me to tell him now,” you’d told him.

Jimin could’ve pressed more, should’ve gone to the root of your decision to hide it in the first place, or maybe even convinced you to tell Jungkook the truth, but you looked too stressed, a permanent fixture on your face, he thought, and he didn’t want to push it.

So he left it at that, knowing as well that between the pressure to do well and the rumors going around, this type of news would be a big hit to Jungkook. Ultimately, Jimin didn’t think it was his place to meddle; the most he could do was support you any way he could.

“How is he, the kid?” Jin questions, knowing his cousin would want to know but is too stubborn and angry to ask.

“The sweetest,” Jimin beams. “He’s pretty shy but becomes playful once he’s warmed up to you. He’s smart, just like ___, and is so caring, he's very affectionate and even talks to insects and—“ he pauses, as Yoongi nudges his knee and motions for him to stop.

Jungkook is still, jaws clenched again at the thought that these are things he doesn’t know and for obvious reasons. Thinking about how Taehyung and Jimin have done so much more for and with his own kid hurts him.

He loves his friends, knows he should be thankful that they’d been there for you and Jungwon but he can’t shake off the frustration, the jealousy. He wonders if any other man had the privilege of getting to know his son that way, of getting close to him.

He wonders, too, if any other man had gotten close to you. That’s a pang in his chest he doesn’t want to dwell on.

“Look, I’m really sorry, Kook. But a lot of things were happening with you then, too and I didn’t want to just drop that news to you. It would have been too much and—“

“You too?” Jungkook huffs. “I fucking hate it when people think they can just decide on such things about my life without me having a say. Wouldn't that piss you off if it happened to you?”

He’s met with silence.

It’s what gets him, really, the fact that people he trusted couldn’t afford him the decency of letting him decide, of trusting him that whatever happens, he was gonna figure it out.

“Wanna know what I think?” Yoongi speaks up.

“No,” Jungkook responds.

“That was hypothetical,” Yoongi says and shifts in his seat. “We all know ___. She’s very self-assured, sometimes to a fault, but she’s not rash, she’s not selfish. She might have decided on her own but it doesn’t mean she didn’t consider you.”

“She still should’ve talked to me about it. It was too big of a decision to not include me in it,” Jungkook retorts.

“But she was right, wasn’t she? You would have stayed. She knows you too well that you would’ve given up everything.”

“Why does everyone make it sound so bad? Of course I would’ve. That’s my son! I’m not the kind of person who would turn his back on that responsibility,” Jungkook bites back.

“It isn’t bad, but that’s precisely the point. Did you ask yourself why she thought it was worth it? Why she believed that the better option was to not be truthful for as long as you got to live out your dream? For as long as you got to reap the benefits of what you’ve worked so hard for?” Yoongi posits.

Jungkook stills, lips starting to quiver as he processes his friend’s questions.

“Baseball has always been your whole world, Jungkook. She shared you with it. It was all you talked about - the dream, what it meant to you, the connection with your father, the joy you’d feel when playing and hearing the cheers… We knew that, she knew that,” Yoongi continues.

“Your dream made you, Kook. It was all you knew, and she never complained. She loved you the same. And even with all your anger towards her right now, you know she wouldn’t try to take that dream away from you. Even if it means hurting both of you in the process.”

“But she meant so much to me, too. I would’ve done anything for her, and I thought she knew that,” Jungkook whimpers. He’d never once doubted what he felt for you and he always thought it was enough.

“Yeah, but do you think that was her first thought when she found out she was pregnant? That you’d give up your dream for her without any consequences down the line? She knew you would’ve stayed because you’re the kind of person to do that, but she also knew what that would mean, what that would do to you, and what that would do to them.”

Yoongi, ever the wise one of the group, makes everyone think.

The silence is deafening, but Jungkook doesn’t miss the way the guys have taken to slight nods and furrowed brows.

“Baseball was too important to you. She probably believed you’d lose more if you didn’t take the opportunity then. Not being there for her and your son was something she maybe thought you could always make up for,” Yoongi states.

Of your brother’s friends, Yoongi had always been the one you were closest to, spent the most nights at parties with, talking and agreeing on things. This is probably why he gets it, gets why you felt like you had to do what you did.

“Kook, don’t think she never planned on telling you. She never meant to keep it a secret forever,” Jimin says, recalling your claims that you just needed the right time to eventually tell Jungkook. “Maybe that’s why you’re even more frustrated; maybe you think she never wanted to involve you. Of course she does. You were her whole world and—“

“Baseball was mine,” Jungkook finishes, resigning to the idea that that's what you always thought, and you weren’t wrong. “She thinks I’d resent them down the road if I stayed and gave up on my dream.”

“I love you, Kook, but that fear is valid,” Jin says. “I’m not saying I agree with her decision but I think I get where she’s coming from.”

“But hey, you have all the right to be angry,” Hoseok says, disrupting the silence that’s enveloped everyone again. “Just don’t be so consumed by it, okay? You’re back, you have more of a reason to stay, so just think of where you need to go from here. You have all of us, you and ___ and Jungwon have all of us.”

Jungkook wipes off the tears that have silently fallen down his cheeks, the most he’s cried in front of his friends in years. It had been a change on his end after the break up - the walls he put up, the control he had over his emotions, the once soft heart hardening in places to make sure he wouldn’t hurt as much again. He hates to admit that it had all been because of you.

Jin’s phone rings and cuts through the silence that’s tainted with short sniffles.

“Namjoon saw the chat, wonders if he could come,” Jin asks.

“No need, I’m gonna leave soon,” Jungkook responds.

Jin relays the message to Namjoon who sends his own, then finishes the call.

“He said he wants to check up on you, too. You should meet up with him, I think it’d be good. It’s Namjoon, Kook. He loves his sister to death but you know he’ll be objective about it, too. Think about it, okay?”

Jungkook nods then lets some time pass before he leaves.

He thinks about it that night until the wee hours of the morning. For the first time, he thinks about what you felt the moment you found out, about what you were feeling and thinking that led you to decide to break up, and if you really planned on making him believe that you didn’t think it’d work out to cover up the truth.

Everything the guys said tonight rings in his head. What made you think this was the better option? What made you think he’d lose more if he gave up on the dream instead of being in your and Jungwon’s life? Why did you think his dream was more important than his life with you? Why did you think he’d resent you down the road?

It’s not lost on him that his dream seemed to trump everything else. It would always go back to that, it would always be about that, how even during that life-changing moment of you finding out you were carrying his child, what you considered was him and baseball.

He recalls the days leading up to the break up, how your conversations had been about his move, but never about the two of you. He chalked it up to thinking it was a given, that of course you’d stay together. He never realized that it wasn’t actually clear to you; it had been a given to him but not to you.

Jungkook doesn’t remember fights about lack of time because of training, or him not being in the mood after a bad game. Everything you’ve ever been to him was patient, understanding, and accepting of the sport he’d dedicated his whole life to, like it was a given, like it was the most important thing, like it was the third party in your relationship. And you never complained.

He loved you for that and more, for the fighter that you were, for the strong and goal-oriented woman that you were, for the thoughtful and warm-hearted person you’ve always been. He loved you so much. He’d fallen so hard that he willingly gave you his heart and let you do whatever you wanted with it, as long you had it. Because of that, you hurt him so terribly, he didn’t know how he could recover.

He thinks now that maybe it was on him, too. Maybe he didn’t tell you enough just how much you meant to him. Maybe he could’ve done more, appreciated you more, or at least let you know that you were just as much a part of his plan the way baseball was.

Maybe then you would’ve trusted him that you two would work it out, that it would be okay if he had to let go of his dream to be the partner that you needed, to be the father you needed him to be for your child.

But maybe you both didn’t know any better, he also thinks. You were so young, maybe it was too much to ask you to trust him, maybe you were also right not to. He’d definitely grown up the past years, and maybe he wouldn’t have if you didn’t break his heart the way you did.

He thinks about how you’d been the past years, too, how you took care of Jungwon on your own, how hard it must’ve been for you. But any more and he knows he’ll break down, and he doesn’t trust himself doing that alone.

He sighs at all the thoughts in his head and his mixed emotions. But his friends are right. He’s home now - he has all the resources, the time - what matters is what happens next.

He wants to understand better, and to know what you went through but he can’t bring himself to ask you. He knows you’ll brush off the sacrifices, the struggles; you never wanted to make others see your vulnerability, know of your weakest moments. So he decides to ask someone else. It’s 4AM but he doesn’t care.

[To: Namjoon]: Can we meet up? Jin’s bar at 7pm. See you.

“Uncle Tete, I choose this one!” Jungwon excitedly says, pointing at a toy submarine on the shelf. Taehyung is quick to retrieve the item then puts it in the cart.

“Okay, what else does this muffin want?”

“Tae, I said one thing,” you sigh. “Also, can you make sure that toy doesn’t have removable parts so he doesn’t attract kind strangers to help him?”

Your best friend rolls his eyes but Jimin chuckles next to you. “___, that broken airplane brought you to Jungkook. Plus, Jungwon wandered away; imagine if some other stranger found him,” he says.

“Shut up, I’m traumatized. That wasn’t the best way to let Jungkook know. Plus, I was so flustered that I lied and said I was babysitting,” you groan to yourself. You always knew how to carry yourself but it was really only Jungkook who ever made you feel nervous.

“I made it seem like I really meant to lie and you know that’s not true. I just didn’t know he was gonna be back. And you didn’t tell me,” you glare at Jimin.

“You think I didn’t give him shit for not telling me?” He replies. “Only Jin knew. Even I didn’t think he’d actually sign with the Bears. Everything was so fast. Before I knew it, he was already boarding a plane back home.”

“Well, he did say he didn’t wanna bug you since you’ve been so busy with your show,” Tae says from the shelf next to you. “Jungwon wants this puppy towel, by the way. Can I buy it for him?”

“Tae, I said just one thing. Stop spoiling him. We’re supposed to buy his school supplies,” you whine.

“Right, his father’s gonna hate me even more,” he mumbles.

“Okay, muffin. Mama said just one thing. Let’s go look at crayons now,” Tae tells Jungwon who smiles back at him and agrees.

“How’s rehearsal by the way?” You ask Jimin.

“Good. Just a few more weeks and we’re ready to go,” he says, excited over the Swan Lake show that his company is putting on. You’re excited, too, certain he’s going to do well. Being a professional ballerina is so much work but he’s always exceeded expectations. You know it can get stressful so maybe that’s why Jungkook didn’t bother informing him earlier.

“You’re watching, okay? The first show and the last, it’s when everyone is watching, too,” he says.

“You don’t have to ask, Jimin. Of course, I’ll be there. Sucks that Jungwon won’t get to see his uncle perform though.”

“Okay, just making sure, since Jungkook is here and all.”

“You should ask him, then. He’s the one who detests me,” you sigh.

“He doesn’t detest you, ___. He’s just angry, and with reason.”

You don’t miss the stern tone of his voice. You always felt the disappointment that Jimin felt towards you with what happened, even stayed away for a while after the breakup. Moving back to your parents’ home had been a good escape, seeing as how you didn’t know how to face your friends after everything.

It wasn’t until 2 years ago when Jimin bumped into you at the daycare that you two got to talking again. You know he decided to stick around for Jungwon, but it always worried you that he’d eventually tell Jungkook but he never did, which you were thankful for.

“I never said it wasn’t justified. I mean, after last week, I hope he stays angry at me, you know? And for a long time. I deserve that.”

“Hey, don’t talk that way.”

“You think I’m wrong? That I don’t deserve his anger?”

Jimin sighs. The department store really isn’t the best place for this but he proceeds anyway.

“It’s not that. I mean, it’s one thing to hurt him by suddenly breaking up with. And I won’t lie to you, ___, you broke him. That night, I found him curled in a ball by the door, unmoving, kind of like how I used to find him when we were younger… after his dad died.”

You release a long breath, not even wanting to imagine a balled-up Jungkook, sobbing. You heard him that night, how he begged for you to please don’t go. You walked away from the closed door then, as any moment longer would’ve just made you take it back.

“But it’s also another thing to lie about his son,” Jimin continues.

“You know I had to do it; he wouldn’t have agreed to break up if I didn’t make him believe that I didn’t want him anymore. And I had to keep Jungwon from him because I couldn’t let him stay. I mean, Jungkook and I just couldn’t be together, it wasn’t that easy.“

“Weren’t there other options?” Jimin wonders. “Maybe like, I don’t know, going with him?”

He’d heard Jungkook mention in passing before about possibly asking you to go with him but he doesn’t know if his best friend ever got to ask.

No one really knows what happened that night; Jungkook never said anything more than it’s over. No explanations, no follow-ups. Three days later, he talked to the school administration and requested for an early completion of his requirements so he could leave for the US as soon as possible.

“It never really entered my mind… I mean, I got pregnant after the deal was finalized and that was not an option at all,” you explain. “It would’ve been too hard, too scary. I mean, we were still so young and to be in a foreign place, by ourselves, with a child? And we were just together for 2 years, that would’ve been a huge step and—“

“Did you doubt what he felt?”

“What do you mean?”

“You talk as if you didn’t think you were ready as a couple for that step. You two loved each other so much. He loved you so, so much, ___. Doesn’t matter how hard things would’ve been, he would’ve done everything he could to make sure you two would make it, he would’ve done whatever he needed to make you happy.”

“It’s not that simple, Jimin. He needed support there, needed someone to help him and make things easier, not someone - more like two people - to take care of and what would have I done for him? What would have I offered?”

“That wouldn’t have mattered though, right? He always wanted to make you happy, being with you would’ve been enough, I mean, he loved you that much.”

Jimin is met with silence, and it hits him what Yoongi was pointing out the night before, and it crushes him. Maybe if you knew just how much you mattered to Jungkook, maybe you would’ve trusted him, maybe you would’ve trusted the both of you.

You let out a deep sigh instead. You never doubted Jungkook’s love for you; you just knew there were other more important things, things he‘s dedicated much more time on, unlike you.

You shake the thoughts away. You know that dwelling on the what if’s won’t help your mind and your heart, especially now.

You and Jimin settle on watching Taehyung help Jungwon decide on which crayons and colored clay to choose for art class, smiling at the little boy who’s been nothing but the sweetest angel.

Your smile fades away though, at the thought of how it must be for him too, meeting all these men who always introduce themselves as his uncle, never his father.

Jungwon had asked you only twice - one time when he asked if he was made of magic because there was this older kid in the playground who said that her mommy and daddy made her but Jungwon didn’t have a daddy; the other time was more straightforward, just where is Papa.

That kind of pain is truly unmatched, you think, and you settle for telling the little kid that his Papa is somewhere doing good things but that Papa loves him even if he isn’t around. No promises, no false hope. You made the choice and your kid shouldn’t suffer too much for it - you know Jungkook would love him no matter what.

“How has Jungkook been, by the way? And I want the truth, Jimin,” you ask as you save your sad thoughts for another day.

Since you reconnected two years ago, you never really talked about Jungkook and Jimin had always made sure to only bring him up when you asked. Which was never.

Everything is now out in the open though so you think there’s no harm in asking.

“Like I said, you broke him,” he sighs. “He hasn’t really been the same. We were all so worried, that’s why Jin made sure to go with him when he left; it’s why I made sure to visit him twice a year. He just became different, you know? Like a light was put out.”

You let this process for a bit. It had been the same with you, only you had a child to remind you of Jungkook. It had been hard to get over him - you didn’t break up with him because you didn’t love him anymore, anyway; it was the opposite, in fact.

But you had to try to at least move on because at the back of your mind, you knew that things weren’t going to be the same after that. You knew Jungkook would never abandon your son, would never not love him; you are altogether a different story.

“He was doing pretty well though, wasn’t he?” You shift the discussion.

You recall having watched games for the first few years. He’d been signed to the affiliate team of the LA Dodgers and was playing in Oklahoma City. He was an immediate standout and was chosen by the major league team to play in the roster the year after. It was almost meteoric, considering that he was a foreigner and thus, largely unheard of, but he was in tip-top shape, eye-hand coordination impressive, batting skills a dream especially as a rookie, and ran like Flash that it was a nickname the locals used to call him.

“Oh, he was great. Even the man who scouted him didn’t think he would be that great. But that’s expected, I guess, if you spend every waking hour in the gym or in the batting cage, if you follow a strict and intense schedule even during the off-season, and if you have no distractions like friends or girlfriends,” Jimin explains, pointing out all the sacrifices behind the success.

“But Maia—”

“Was probably the first friend he made outside of his team. You’d expect her to be his girlfriend too, right?”

You pause at this. You knew that at some point, Jungkook would move on from you; you did make him believe you didn’t want to be with him anymore, anyway. Yet, it was still a bitter pill to swallow when you found out about his relationship. She was a model-actress, so her presence in the games would often cause a buzz.

“He just changed in a way. There were all these walls up, even from us. You took a very big piece of him, ___. I’m surprised he even got to recover. I was afraid he wasn’t gonna be able to move on from you.”

There’s a pang in your chest at the seeming finality of Jimin’s words. Of course Jungkook would move on from you, of course at one point he’d realize that things would be better without you. You just didn’t think it would hurt like this.

“That’s good for him, then.”

“Have you?”

“Yes, of course,” you say. You hope he doesn’t miss the uncertainty in your voice, that he doesn’t detect the lie.

Jungkook enters the venue and heads straight to the bar where Namjoon is already waiting.

“Scotch, please,” Jungkook calls to the bartender, earning him a remark from the older man about how even his alcoholic preference has upgraded.

“It’s smoother,” Jungkook says, fixing himself on the barstool.

There’s an air of silence between the two men that is almost uncomfortable.

It had never been like this. Namjoon is a protective brother but given that Jin is one of his good friends who’d vouched for the young man, it had been easy for Namjoon to go soft on Jungkook. He saw how much Jungkook cared for you, made you happy, and as your brother, he’ll always be grateful for that.

“How are you?” The older man asks, sipping on his Martini.

“Great. Just found out my ex-girlfriend was pregnant with our son whom I didn’t know existed until a week ago. You?”

“Not great. My parents have been calling me, asking how ___ is and how you are and if things are okay. Don’t exactly know how to break the news that things aren’t actually fine.”

“They must hate me, huh?”

“Nope. You know our parents always stayed out of our relationships. They always liked you, though. But is that what you really wanna know?”

Jungkook exhales, trying to calm himself. He had time to think things through, but facing the emotions had been difficult.

“I just wanna try to understand. I want so badly to justify what she did so I could stop being so angry. I just want to stop feeling… this,” he says, clutching his chest, lips quivering. “It hurts so bad, I just don’t want to feel this anymore.”

Namjoon weakens at the sight of Jungkook like this, desperate to feel something else other than pain, other than anger. He’d heard from Jin how it was so hard for the young man to accept losing you, and then all this? It’s a lot for one person to handle.

“She was so selfish, leaving me like that, thinking I would be okay on my own. And then I finally accepted what happened only to find out that we have a child all this time? Please, please make me understand,” he begs, eyes glassy now.

“Look,” Namjoon says, turning to Jungkook, who, even with his build, has never looked so small.

“I won’t defend her and say that I think she made the right decision. It’s just that she made the best decision she could make at that moment. She knew what was at stake and she felt that choice was the better one,” he explains, similar to what Yoongi had posited.

This is your brother who always had a good read of you and it’s the closest to your thoughts that Jungkook could get.

“She tried to comfort herself everyday by justifying what she did - that you did well, made it to the major league a year later. You did what you set out to do. And I’m sorry to bring this up but when your mother got sick, wasn’t it that you had enough to pay for it all? No debts, no added stress for her? Life was good for you and your mother. It wasn’t the best, but what if you had stayed?” He asks, the question ringing in his head.

How would things be if Jungkook stayed?

“Again, I’m not saying she was right, I’m just saying that things happened the way they did and she made a choice. Any other decision would’ve had other consequences and she made the one she could stand by, that she could live with. I mean, it was all she could do.”

Jungkook thinks about this, how he’d felt comforted, too that he was able to pay for all his mother’s medical bills when it got too much. But life wasn’t good; it was excruciating being away from you, thinking all that time that you really didn’t believe in the both of you, convinced that it wasn’t going to work out.

All he had was the love and joy he got from baseball; it had been enough for him that time. Of course, with what he knows now, it’s different.

Jungkook goes back to what Namjoon asked, about what he really wanted to know.

“Did… did she have a hard time?” Eyes pleading. “Tell me, please.”

Namjoon sighs at this, not knowing how to answer. “It wasn’t easy.”

“Don’t simplify it. I need… I need to know. I need to not feel this. I need to not be angry,” he says, voice strained.

“She won’t want your pity, Jungkook, you know her.”

“Please, Namjoon. You know she’ll never tell me. But I need to know.”

The older man lets out a deep breath, knowing that you indeed wouldn’t tell Jungkook any of this.

“She stayed with my parents in Ilsan after graduation. She was four months along then but was adamant about earning on her own so she took several jobs online. There was a lot of stress but that’s normal, I guess,” Namjoon narrates. “My parents, Taehyung, and our neighbor all took turns staying with her because she’s so stubborn, you know? Wouldn’t tell you if something’s wrong.”

Jungkook knows that all too well, that you really are like that.

“Knowing that, though, my parents had her checked every week. That’s how they determined fetal distress,” Namjoon slows down, tone more somber now. “It was early detection so they were able to perform a c-section right away.”

Jungkook turns to him, fear and worry etched on the younger man’s face. “She… she had surgery?”

“Yeah. It was pretty tough and Jungwon had to be monitored for any disabilities or delays. But yeah, he managed, she managed,” Namjoon recounts. The events are so far away but it’s like the worry and the relief still feel so real.

“The kid’s strong, Jungkook. He has a soft and sweet soul like you but he's definitely a fighter like his mother. Perfect mix, if I should say so myself,” the older man smiles, trying to turn the conversation to a lighter one.

He means it though, how Jungwon personifies the best parts of you and Jungkook.

“But they were okay after?”

“Somewhat. She was required to rest for several weeks so those two bonded like crazy,” Namjoon giggles. “Good thing that Jungwon was a quiet one, barely cried, didn’t give ___ too much of a hard time. It just… took time away from her earning, you know? So once she was capable, she took this job at a marketing firm that was way too hectic but paid well and it just… It was hard.”

“How hard?”

“Hard. Jungkook, she was a single parent. A stubborn and proud one at that. Worked over 12 hours a day, took online jobs during the weekend, took Jungwon to daycare everyday, taught him to do everything, made sure he got to play and all…” Namjoon narrates.

“It’s why my mom visited her every month for those first 2 years, why Ara and I would babysit often, why Taehyung set up a place for Jungwon at his apartment on days when ___ had an event until early morning. She only ever asked help if it was about Jungwon, never if it was about her,” Namjoon sighs, recalling how painful it had been for him as your brother to watch you do it all, never taking a break, never asking for help.

“Stubborn and proud, like you said,” Jungkook states.

“Yeah and well, she made a choice, Jungkook. She made a choice to leave you, to have this child on her own, and she made sure to give him everything while being the best parent she could be, taking on both roles for him and she never complained, not once. She just kept going, you know? Never made Jungwon feel any less or that he was a mistake or that he wasn’t loved enough. She made a decision and she stood by it. I’ll always admire her for that,” Namjoon states, holding his own emotions back.

Jungkook lets this all sink in, suddenly wishing that he was there for you, that you didn’t have to go through all that by yourself, that even with friends and family, he’s hoping you didn’t feel so alone.

He knows how you are, knows you’ll exhaust yourself before you even ask for help. That’s how he knew you truly loved him, when you would tell him you’re tired, or that you need help, whether it was something as simple as fixing your broken light bulb or using his charms to get the administration office to agree on this event proposal you had. Being open to him let him know you trusted him. Until you didn’t.

You never minded asking him, and Jungkook knows that if he’d been around, you wouldn’t have minded him helping you, making it easier for you. And it crushes him that he’d wanted to be everything you needed him to be for you and for your child but you didn’t even give him a chance.

He lets out a deep breath, the anger slowly dissipating and being replaced with longing, with a kind of sadness that he now doesn’t know how to deal with.

Namjoon picks up on this and pats him on the shoulder. “Look, I know that you’re still upset and you have the right to be. Just don’t be blinded by that. You’re home. You have a son that I’m sure you want to get to know. Four years is a lot but it’s also just 4 years. Don’t waste any more time that was already taken away from you.”

“Okay,” Jungkook says softly, knowing that it’s still going to take a lot of getting used to.

“So, what do you wanna do now?”

“Maybe meet up with her? I mean, I was yelling at her the last time we saw each other and I just want to ask to see our son.”

“Of course, Kook. I’m sure she’d want that, too.”

You’re sitting on one of the benches at the park the next day, watching Jungwon play with Namjoon and his wife, Ara, from afar. Even from here, you can make out the doe eyes of your son and his smile that reaches his eyes.

He likes the cold, just like you, and he’s been running about with his toy airplane and submarine, which he almost threw in the fountain. You’re smiling fondly, thinking of how the universe had been kind enough to bless you with the sweetest little angel that it could create.

You feel a figure settle next you, not too far away. Namjoon had told you late last night that Jungkook wanted to meet you, perhaps to ask for a workable schedule to spend time with Jungwon.

“Hey,” he says. You shiver, and you know it’s not because of the weather.

“I never got to tell you but I’m so, so sorry, Jungkook,” you say, turning to him, your eyes taking in the sight of him properly for the first time. “There’s so much I need to apologize for and I know it’s gonna take a long time for you to forgive me.”

You’re unable to rein in your feelings again, but after that first conversation with him and then the one you had with Jimin yesterday, you can’t help the guilt that you’ve been trying to temper bubble to the surface - for hurting him, for not trusting him, for not giving him a choice.

“There’s no point dwelling on what happened. It’s done. I’m here. I have time. And I’d like to spend it with Jungwon as much as possible,” he responds.

He doesn’t look at you; he just keeps his eyes out on the little boy still running about. His little boy, his son. And he can’t wait to finally hold him, get to know him, fall in love with him.

“Of course, but we need to take it slow. He’s a shy kid and it’ll take a while. Let’s follow his pace, okay?”

“Sure. We can grab lunch on Saturday, then?”

You can’t help the hope that bubbles in your chest. “That sounds good, Jungkook.”

Series Masterlist || Previous || Next

- Taglist: @fluffyjoons @jwlmnbt @koremis @mrcleanheichou @kooafraid @purplepommy @btstannies @jeonwiixard @songshin @joondala @hobiade @di0rgguk @fan-atic-blog–c @yn-the-reader @spicybangtanwings @njkbangtan @jeoncookie-bts @miniaturecloud @revehosh @preciouschimine @sherlynxx @dimreads @mwitsmejk @craftymoonchaos @queenmasterxx @ungodlyjoon @kookiesbaby02 @yiyi4657 @crewzie-chan @wearenot7withu @evafrechette @gamerkooks @iwanttohitmyself @sugaslittlekookies @kmadelin @mal99 @daobofs @petuliii @purplepebbles @she-is-dreaming @jungkooksseuphoria @seventeenis-thedream @namucries

#jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfiction #parents au #exes au #baseball player jk #inevitable #series

2K notes · View notes

cherrycheridarling · 3 years

Text

"that was painfully sexist" | t.h.

marvel cast x actress!reader

warnings: sexism and swearing

summary: at a panel for the new avenger's film, the questions differ drastically between the female and male actors on stage.

wc: 1.4k

"Okay, a microphone is coming your way, sir."

"Hi! I'm Leonard with Pop Times Blog. My question is for Y/N." your eyes found the bearded man who stood amongst the crowd of reporters.

You nodded, signalling for him to continue, "Playing Silk or Cindy Moon must've came with a lot of challenges. One of them being the costume you are in for most of the film. Can you speak about that and how it fit?" he paused at your skeptical expression, "Like, we all know the suit is skin tight, so did you eat anything special or workout a lot and are you able to wear anything underneath it? Or do you wear a thong and no bra?"

You let out an unenthusiastic chuckle at his question. Beside you, you could hear your cast mates scoffing under their breath. It was common for the women of the MCU to get asked such questions and it saddened you that people normalized such a thing.

Leaning forward, you clasped your hands together and smiled before Robert reached behind Tom Holland and tapped your shoulder, "Would you like me to say something?"

You shook your head, but gave him a grateful grin before returning to the 'man' that asked you such a question, while maintaining eye contact you spoke, "Well, I think the most difficult part about wearing the Silk costume is taking it off after a long day because of how sweaty I get after shooting," you began to fan yourself dramatically, "It all just clings to my body like a second skin and since I am completely nude underneath, it just adds to the problem." sarcasm dripped from your lips as your cast mates snickered at your words.

You quietly laughed to yourself, "I'm only kidding. That question seemed like such a joke that I presumed you expected a joking answer." you cleared your throat, "In all seriousness, it's an honour wearing the suit and I did visit the gym and do some physical fitness regularly to prepare for the role, as did all my cast mates. As for what I wore underneath," you grinned cheekily, having too much fun messing with the reporter, "A Spider-Man onesie was my go-to."

The whole room let out laughs at your words as Tom grabbed your hand and gave you a small squeeze, feeling sorry that you had to answer such absurd questions.

"I hope everyone doesn't sexualize Cindy Moon. She's only a teenager in the film, so keep it in your pants people. That shit is illegal." Anthony pointed an accusing finger at the crowd.

"Thank you for your thoughtful question, Leonard!" Scarlett spoke up, "I hope you got the answer you were looking for."

"Okay, next person."

You sat back in your seat and fiddled with Tom's fingers as the questions were asked towards your cast mates.

"You handled that impressively well, love." Tom whispered in your ear.

You gave him a smile and a shrug before your name got called again, "My question is for Y/N and Tom Holland." a lady with curly blonde hair stood up, "Since Silk and Spider-Man's abilities are very similar, did you two bond over that during shooting or did it cause some rivalry between your characters due to the similarities?"

You felt a wave of relief at the question, thankful that it wasn't another sexist one. Tom looked at you before answering.

"Yeah, yeah. We bonded a lot over that fact and I don't think it caused any rivalry between us. I hope not." he chuckled before you leaned towards the mic.

"No, no. No rivalry. Just a lot of banter about whose character is stronger and who swings around better. It's a lot of fun having someone on set whose stunts are basically the same as yours. And Tom and I have both agreed that Silk is faster and better than Spider-Man." you said that last part quickly drawing laughs and a gasp from Tom.

He looked at you incredulously, "Not true! Spider-Man's suit is so much cooler than Silk's." he huffed like a child.

You smirked, "Who makes their webbing in a high school chemistry class and who has organic silk coming out of her fingertips that she also used to create her own suit?"

Your friends laughed at the banter beside you before Sebastian started to speak, "I have to agree with Y/N on this one. Silk also has that cool ass eidetic memory."

Chris Evans agreed, "And her Silk Sense is a thousand times stronger than Spider-Man's Spidey Sense."

"Isn't she able to know who an attacker is before she even sees them?" Hemsworth asked to which everyone nodded.

"Sorry, Spidey. Silk's just a top tier hero." Robert patted his shoulder as Tom sulked.

The questions began again as the laughter died down. You leaned over to Tom's ear, "Still love the actor who plays Spider-Man even if his character is inferior to mine." he shook his head with a smile at your words.

Questions ranged from the generic ones of the funniest moments on set to who's most likely to become a villain. Your nerves died down as no incompetent person asked another sexist question. Until one did.

"I have a question for Y/N." she was short with jet black hair, "Being around all these attractive men must be a challenge for you as a young female adult. It couldn't have been easy to control yourself around them. Have you had any sexual relationships with any of them or thought about engaging in any?"

Your jaw hung open at her words and before you could muster up a retort, Tom let his anger get the best of him. Was it his anger, his jealousy or his protectiveness? A mix of all three.

"That was painfully sexist." he spoke into the microphone. "I don't see how any of that is relevant to the film. Y/N is an outstanding actress and it's outrageous that you decide to focus on who she fucks rather than her talent."

"What in the actual fuck did she just ask?" Sebastian added, making you laugh.

Chris Evans spoke up next, "Indeed. I thought this was a promotion for the movie not a real life dating app."

Benedict chuckled, "I fail to see how Y/N's private life holds any relevancy to this panel or the film itself."

"It's twenty-nineteen, people! Leave your sexist ass shit at home!" Anthony exclaimed drawing claps from the cast.

Elizabeth shook her head, "I've had my fair share of inappropriate questions, but nothing as horrid as that."

"First y'all ask about her underwear, now you ask about her sex life? Jesus Christ." Scarlett pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Seriously, she's like a daughter to me. That was incredibly disrespectful." Robert added with a disappointed head shake.

Similar comments were added by the rest of the cast as you felt an overwhelming amount of love wash over you. You were so unimaginably grateful for the people next to you.

"You don't have to answer that." Paul Bettany reminded you.

You shook your head and cleared your throat, "Thank you, guys." you looked to your cast mates, "But I'll answer. No, I have not. This cast is my second family and I've grown greatly as a person with them. I'm immensely thankful for the opportunity to call them my friends. And I agree, these men sitting up here with me are undoubtedly attractive, but they are also a great pain in the ass at times," everyone laughed at your choice of words, "And have I thought about having sex with any of them? Nope. Just Scar, Zoe and Liz." you finished with a wink as the room clapped for you.

You couldn't help but to feel a slight bit of sympathy for the woman. Her question was, without a doubt, uncalled for and unbelievably sexist, but the comments from the cast must've made this her most embarassing moment.

"I'm sure you meant no harm with your question. But a little heads up for next time; most actors prefer to talk about their career and their films rather than who they are laying in bed with. But thank you for coming out. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day." you gave her a genuine smile as she cowered back into her seat.

Robert once again reached over and gave your shoulder a squeeze, proud of how you handled the situation.

Tom interlaced your fingers with his and rubbed small circles on your knuckles.

You really were at home with these people and you couldn't have asked for a better family.

#marvel cast x reader #marvel cast x actress!reader #marvel #marvel fan fiction #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x actress!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland #sebastian stan #chris evans #robert downey jr #anthony mackie #chris hemsworth #paul bettany #benedict cumberbatch #scarlett johansson #elizabeth olsen

3K notes · View notes

bratkook · 3 years

Text

not yet. jjk

not yet, almost, right now pairing. jungkook x reader genre. fluff, some angst, pg-13 word count. 4.1k warnings. mentions of infidelity, some feelings come to light, unrequited pining, spur of the moment kissing, light grinding on the dance floor, jungkook pops a boner and wants to cry</3 summary. jungkook feels the pang of guilt in his gut when you spot your recent ex out with his new girl, and what better way to make the jerk hurt than to have him believe you were now dating him, the neighbor he had been insecure about your whole relationship note. this is based off a request sent a while back for numbers #43 and #67 from this prompt list! (i think this might turn into a small drabble series...mayhaps)

Jungkook can spot your discomfort easily, the occasional colorful light bouncing off your face showing him the flash of anger in your eyes. The only reason he’s not currently running for the hills, knowing very well how mean you can get when angry, is because your glare isn’t being sent at him. Not yet at least.

Because of this, he allows himself to enjoy the cute way your nose scrunches up, lips twisting in displeasure as you stare at the crowd of people, eyes locked onto an unlucky bystander. Honestly, he wishes he could hear your thoughts, wanting to know exactly what has your panties in a bunch, ruining your mood instead of letting you enjoy the expensive fruity drink he had just bought you as payment for allowing him to drag you out of the house. Jungkook isn’t a mind reader though, so he decides on his next best option.

“Who’s got you looking all sour?” he sighs, resting his elbow on the counter of the bar as he inches closer to you, head at your level in an attempt to match your line of sight.

“Him,” you seethe, brows pinching together, showing those light wrinkles in between them, a product of how expressive you were and definitely something Jungkook always teases you about.

Jungkook can only hum in question, eyes squinting in the low light as he attempts to find the him you’re talking about. With a slight turn of your head, you’re inches from Jungkook’s cheek, the obvious look of confusion etched onto his soft features letting you know he was absolutely lost. With a soft huff your fingers are gripping his cheeks and moving his face in the right direction, free hand pointing as discreetly as you could to the man in question.

You know he spots him, you can feel his jaw tense underneath your grip. What you don’t feel is the sudden guilt that fills him up, sloshing in his stomach and mixing with the liquor he just drank until he feels a little queasy. Jungkook instantly regrets coaxing you out of your little dungeon with the promise of cheering you up. If he had known the spawn of satan–dubbed your ex boyfriend and also the reason why you were in a downward spiral–would be here, he would have just let you rot in your bed like you originally wanted.

“Do you wanna go?” he mutters out, cheeks still squished by your slowly tightening grip, and he begins to accept the fact that you might just break his jaw right now. It’s fine, he thinks, he deserves it.

“No,” you grunt stubbornly, fingers finally releasing him as you turn back around and choose to face the endless amount of bottles behind the bar. He may be the reason you were currently on a never ending cycle of watching sad, heartbreaking chick-flicks from the early 2000’s, dumping you with the lame excuse that you two were on different paths and he just wasn’t ready for commitment. It’s something you accepted, albeit jaw tense and eye twitching as you did so, but you figured you would eventually find your way back to each other.

Your mind was warped, believing you were meant to be, that this was just a mere bump in the road that you would laugh at together in the future.

That is, until he blocked you on all social media, and you had to hear from your best friend that he had moved on days later and was now with some blonde-haired, fresh faced, supermodel-esque woman that you could not get yourself to hate. Instead you took to endlessly scrolling through her instagram while you stuffed your face with milk chocolate and questioned why you had ever convinced yourself that you had a future with him.

“Good, he’s a dick and you shouldn’t let him ruin your night.” Jungkook grumbles, slinging his arm around you as you hold your forgotten drink by your lips. He had seen your relationship with Hajoon play out from the very beginning, knowing slightly more intimate details than he would like considering you were next door neighbors and happened to share a wall between your bedrooms.

The friendship you had with Jungkook blossomed right after you moved in four years ago, friendly neighborly talks morphing into actual conversations, and eventually inviting each other into your apartments where you would attempt to beat him at any game you had in your Nintendo switch. It was a great dynamic, providing the two of you with a sense of relief after your busy days at work.

Unfortunately, the second you got with Hajoon was the end of any of those playful matches, your ex’s jealousy making you distance yourself in an attempt to keep your relationship at bay.

Jungkook can’t say he didn’t see it coming, having heard the way you’d cry anytime you had an argument and your ex would leave, slamming the door behind him so hard Jungkook’s walls would rattle. It had become such a common occurence it was a shock he hadn’t marched out of his house, met Hajoon in the hall, and gave him a clean right hook in your honor.

He was secretly hoping you’d break up with the jerk for your own good–and maybe for his own personal reasons too. Your ex was right in being wary of Jungkook, knowing the way a boy's mind worked, sensing Jungkook’s feelings for you in a way you were too blind to see. Jungkook wasn’t a dick though, he could tell you wanted your relationship to work so he kept his distance.

When weeks went by without the sight of him he began to think you finally did it, a call for celebration that made him want to go over to your place to challenge you for a friendly match of Mario Kart like you used to.

Until he ran into you in the hall and took note of what a mess you were, his smile falling from his face when he saw how defeated you looked.

Your shameful confirmation that you had been royally dumped made his heart twist for you, his selfless tendencies urging him to help you feel better in any way he could. You were thankful for it, grateful that he was keeping you company while you moped around, providing you with just the right amount of distraction to allow you to breathe and slowly heal.

Honestly, today would have been just another day if it wasn’t what was supposed to be your two year anniversary. The second Jungkook heard the telltale sounds of The Notebook starting up in your bedroom—something he hadn’t heard through the drywall separating your rooms in weeks—is when he knew something was up.

Jump to: now.

With Jungkook looking sheepish and wishing he had chosen another bar, and you gripping the cup so hard it was a shock it hadn’t shattered in your grasp.

“He’s with her,” you whisper out harshly, head downcast, swirling the liquid around in your glass as you force yourself not to look back at them. The vision of them coddled up in the corner, her arms wrapped around his while she laughed at whatever he whispered in her ear had stung enough the first time, you weren’t jealous but the pain still lingered inside of you..

“Just try to ignore him. Don’t let it bother you,” he attempts to reassure you, the bass of the music muffling the way you try to deny the fact that you’re clearly upset, his attention now elsewhere.

Jungkook takes a chance and looks back once more, eyes narrowed as he searches for Hajoon in the crowd. He spots him with more ease the second time, seeing the way he lazily drinks from his glass while the blonde rests her head on his shoulder, lips moving as she tells him something that makes him smile.

“Oh shit,” Jungkook chokes, eyes widening slightly in shock when Hajoon meets his gaze. He’s been caught, too late for him to avert his eyes and pretend he wasn’t blatantly staring. He can only give him a tight-lipped smile that he hopes doesn’t come across as an invitation to come say hello.

“What?” you question, turning to stare at Jungkook and seeing the look on his face, doe eyes swirling with a mix of emotions.

“He saw me,” he speaks through clenched teeth, lips barely moving as he does so, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

“What?” you repeat harshly, setting the drink back down as your palms grow clammy, finger tugging at your shirt’s neckline when the air becomes thick and stuffy.

“Oh fuck, he’s coming.” Jungkook throws back the remainder of his drink, grimacing at the burn lingering in the back of his throat before placing the cup down. “Just follow along,” he whispers into your ear, standing tall as Hajoon approaches the two of you.

He’s ballsy, Jungkook will give him that, more so when he completely ignores Jungkook in favor of calling out your name.

“Y/N, oh my god is that you?”

Jungkook can’t stop the way he glares at the bastard, not even the small jab to his side that you deliver with your elbow is enough to wipe the look off his face. Still, you pause to breathe, shutting your eyes briefly before plastering a look of surprise on your features as you turn around to face him.

“Hajoon, what are you doing here?” Your voice has risen a few octaves, pitch surpassing the normal customer service voice and entering unhinged and borderline crazed territory. Hajoon doesn’t notice though, and neither does the girl strapped to his side, the two of them smiling at you and not giving Jungkook a glance.

“Oh, we’re just celebrating our four month anniversary.” The girl finally speaks up, giving Hajoon a kiss to the cheek and completely missing the way your face instantly falls. Her innocent statement has you coming to the sudden realization that this son of a bitch had been cheating on you for the last two months of your relationship.

Jungkoon spots it easily though, can sense the way your body tenses up beside him, no doubt will the rage flare up in the form of hot tears spilling over and onto your cheeks soon. One look at Hajoon’s pleased face is enough to not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing the way he affects you.

“Young love,” Jungkook sighs, long arm pulling you into his side obnoxiously, seeing the way Hajoon eyes the two of you carefully. “I can relate. We’ve been together for...what is it again babe, five months?”

Hajoon doesn’t even attempt to be discreet, eyes bulging out and fist curling at his side. He had hated Jungkook the second he met him, intimidated by his physique and the way he made you laugh with ease, threatened by him in every sense. It was the reason he told you to cut ties with him, his fragile ego not trusting your neighbor, fully convinced all Jungkook would have to do was beckon you over for you to leave him.

Any man would feel threatened by him, just looking at him now with his long hair framing his face, the challenging glimmer in his eyes as he gauges the other’s reaction. Hajoon follows Jungkook’s arm, seeing how it snakes around your body and settles with his palms curling around your waist, fingers gently squeezing your skin.

Jungkook chuckles when Hajoon meets his gaze once more, free hand adjusting the yellow tinted sunglasses perched on his head—something that should make him look like an A class douchebag, because who the hell brings shades to a fucking club. But like all things, Jungkook makes it work.

All of this tied in with that small, white lie, makes Hajoon’s head spin in a jealous whirlwind. It was fine and dandy if he cheated on you but how dare you give him the same treatment, with your neighbor of all people.

“Five months?” He bites first, eyes bouncing back and forth between the two of you.

The insecurity is written all over his face, it almost makes him shrink in size and for some reason it fills you with confidence. You stand taller now, sliding your own arm around Jungkook’s side as you nuzzle into him.

“Almost six.” Those two words are the nails into his coffin of insecurity, probably increasing his trust issues for years to come, but considering it was no longer your problem, you don’t care.

“Wow, almost half a year. That’s so cute, isn’t it?” His girlfriend coos, perfectly manicured hand placed over her chest, totally missing the way Hajoon looks like a kicked puppy.

Now that he doesn’t have the one up, he’s no longer interested in sticking around, the gross green monster perched on his shoulder laughing at his misfortune.

“Adorable,” he grunts out. “We should get back to our table. It was nice seeing you.”

He doesn’t wait for a response before walking away, his girlfriend giving you a small wave before following behind him. The growing distance between you makes your muscles relax, sagging in relief as you release Jungkook’s side and hunch over the sticky bar.

“I think I'm gonna puke,” you groan out, eyes going crossed when you feel Jungkook rest two fingers against your lips, sending him a questionable stare.

“Please don’t, that drink was expensive. You’re only allowed to hurl as the grand finale of the night, and we’re just getting started.”

Jungkook smiles when you shut your eyes and groan, your mood was already down in the dumps, and despite the small rush you got from putting Hajoon in his place, you were still craving the comfort of your bed. “Can we go?”

The bartender proceeds to place a glass of water in front of you, assuming your slumped state was due to intoxication and not the gross remnants of running into an ex-boyfriend. You grab the glass regardless, taking a big gulp of the cool liquid and sighing when it helps calm you down.

“If you really want to go we can, but at least try to loosen up.” His smile is genuine, cheeks pushed out as he looks down at you with kind eyes. “We’ll stay on the opposite side, and if you’d still rather watch the Notebook for the millionth time, we can do that.”

With a half-hearted groan you nod, allowing Jungkook to order another round of drinks for you to enjoy before eventually dragging you out onto the dance floor. He knows how to keep the atmosphere up, goofy smile on his lips as he bobs his head along to the loud beat, hands clasped with yours and wiggling in time to the music.

“You love this song,” he manages to say through the noise, pulling you closer as he settles into a spot on the decently packed floor. You couldn’t even deny it, he heard just how often you played it through the paper thin walls. That playlist full of hit 2000’s songs was your guilty pleasure, and it was the main reason he had decided to bring you to this club on their themed night.

Jungkook was attentive, he knew so much about you and played it off casually, always listening to things you say you enjoy, storing them into a folder labeled under your name and shoved into a very important part of his brain.

You knew he was trying his best to get you to enjoy yourself, so you give in, beginning to sing along to the lyrics of an old song that brought back a flood of memories that made you smile back at him. Jungkook feels the first burst of success bloom inside him, joining in with your singing, raising up your clasped hands as you begin dancing.

The smile doesn’t leave his face as he stares down at you, the few drinks you’ve had loosening you up and allowing you to push the earlier thoughts away. He feels mesmerized, eyes locked onto you, the flash of colors painting your skin, illuminating you in alternating shades of purple and blue. His heart does that annoying thing where it skips and stutters in his chest, mouth drying up as you drop your head back and sway your hips, slowly loosening the grip in your hands and turning around until your back is dangerously close to his chest.

Jungkook’s hands hover in the air for a moment, panic over taking his brain as he tries to remain calm. He could do this—he has done this before—the two of you would go clubbing before you got with your ex, and dancing definitely played a big part of it. So why was his brain short circuiting?

Sure your ass was brushing up against his crotch with each sway of your hips, but you were dancing, so his mind and his dick could fuck right off. He shakes his head to clear any dirty thoughts as his hands loosely grip your hips, testing the water, and when you smile and look back at him he feels less wary and sways his hips in time with yours.

You can feel his chest brush against your back, breath fanning along your skin from his close proximity, only getting closer when you lift an arm back and hold his shoulder to pull him tighter against you. The heat sticks to your skin, thin shirt dampening with sweat from the warmth of the bodies around you, everyone in their own state of drunkenness as the bass flowed through their chests.

Going out like this had been something you missed, used to frequenting the bars and clubs by your apartment with your friends and Jungkook, something that came to a halt because your ex claimed he hated that kind of scene. Something that was clearly a lie considering he was here now, enjoying himself as him and his new girlfriend danced along.

You didn’t realize when he made his way onto the dance floor, enough distance separating you, but now that you had spotted him you feel like he’s way too close for comfort. In a similar position to you and Jungkook, Hajoon is free to look around while his girlfriend dances on him, eyes locked onto you with a smirk that makes your skin crawl.

Jungkook is too lost in the music to notice where your attention has gone, earlier effects of the alcohol settling into his bloodstream, warming him up in that familiar way he welcomes. When the song changes, flowing into the next bass heavy anthem, you turn around in his grasp, giving him a brief glance before your hands are gripping his cheeks and bringing him down into a messy kiss.

This is definitely something he’s never done with you before.

A muffled sound of confusion is swallowed by you as he quickly falls into the motion, large palms gripping your hips, slowly sliding up your back before lightly tangling into your hair to deepen the kiss. Jungkook can taste the liquor on your tongue, mixing with his own as your tongue slips between his lips. He has no idea what came over you but his racing heart and buried crush don’t let him question it, soft lips smacking with yours, not heard between the thrumming music.

Your fingers feel the warmth of his cheeks, how he blushes into the kiss but you attribute it to the alcohol pumping through him. Harsh breaths fan across your face as he groans, lightly pulling back for a gasp of air but you don’t allow it. “No, don’t pull away. Not yet.”

And who is he to argue with that, blindly letting you bring your lips back together in a messy kiss. Your small pleas for him to continue has all the blood rushing to his cock, the ache felt in his jeans when it starts to harden, pressing into the denim uncomfortably and only getting worse when you gently bite down onto his lip before inching back.

“Is he still looking?” you question, breath jagged as you peer up at Jungkook’s dazed expression.

“What?” he dumbly replies, lips swollen and shiny, eyes still focused on your own as he makes an attempt to reconnect your lips. But then your question dawns on him, like a bucket of ice cold water, it sobers him up instantly. Is he still looking?

This was all for show.

“He’s on the far right.” You motion your head in the direction and observe his face when his eyes move over to check if Hajoon was in fact still there. He does spot him heading out in a hurry though, girlfriend trailing behind him as he exits the club entirely

“No, just saw him leave.” Jungkook clears his throat, fingers slipping out of your hair and settling down over your back just like before. He hopes his solemn expression isn’t amplified by the lights flashing across his face, trying his best to act unaffected, as if he didn’t just pop a boner on the dance floor over a revenge make-out session.

Luckily you don’t spot his fallen expression, a wide smile spreading across your face in victory, happy that you had successfully put him in his place.

“I’m so sorry for kissing you.” You gasp in realization, unknowingly pouring salt in the wound when you act as if kissing him was something you would never do if it wasn’t in an attempt to piss off your ex.

“No, it’s okay,” he waves off and smiles, eyes glancing over to the bar once more. Jungkook needed a drink, maybe five—actually he wouldn’t mind going home and watching The Notebook now, that would surely give him a reason to cry with no questions asked.

He starts to walk back to the bar with you by his side, the sad look you had earlier entirely gone, replaced with a giddy smile and a pep in your step, so he can’t say he's too upset.

“God, you should’ve seen how mad he looked when he saw us dancing together,” you giggle, standing inches from him as he orders another drink. Before he can respond, you’re wrapping your arms around his neck and bringing him in for a hug.

A hug, really?

Still, Jungkook sighs and wraps his own arms around your waist, a defeated smile on his face that he hides as he lets his chin rest over your head. The dip in his head makes the yellow tinted frames fall over his eyes and when he pulls back you snort at the visual, finger gently poking the bridge of them.

“You look good in those.”

His drink gets placed in front of him then, giving him a good excuse to avoid stumbling over his words from your compliment, choosing to take a gulp of the hard liquor, wincing when it burns his throat. “Thank you,” he rasps out, grimacing at the taste and it just makes you giggle.

“I should be thanking you. You need to be my fake boyfriend more often.”

Even more salt poured into his wound, topped with a dash of lemon juice in the form of your playful smile and nudge to his ribs, it stings. His heart ache in his chest, more so when he realizes his stupid boner was still going strong. Thankfully the dark lights prevent you from seeing it, the last thing he needed was further embarrassment.

The yellow frames are placed back over his head as he takes another sip, nodding along to your statement with what he hopes comes across as a genuine smile on his lips once he sets his cup down. “Anytime you want Y/N.”

“I know this night didn’t end with the grand finale of me puking, but do you wanna go home and watch movies? No sappy romance ones, I'm not in the mood for crying anymore.”

He finishes his drink with ease, quickly closing his tab as he agrees. “Yeah, just let me go to the bathroom real quick.”

You might not be in the mood for crying but he definitely was; he also needed to handle the situation in his jeans, and what better night to stoop this low than tonight. His own version of a grand finale coming in the form of jerking off in the dirty bar bathroom while maybe shedding a tear or two.

“Okay! I’ll call an uber,” you announce cheerfully, allowing him to walk away as you settle onto one of the sticky bar stools.

Jungkook’s chest feels heavy as he walks to the bathroom, slipping into the small room and locking the door behind him. His forehead rests against the dirty door, eyes falling shut with a groan. He wishes he had the guts to confess to his crush, needing to push the fear of ruining the friendship away from his mind, wanting to gather possible clues that could indicate that you might feel the same.

One day, but not yet.

#ficswithluv #btswritingcafe #heartsforbts #btsghostie #bangtaninn #btscreatorscorner #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #bts fluff #jeon jungkook #bts imagines #new

3K notes · View notes