#all of part batfam collectively ‘NO THAT IS FUCKING NOT
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Thinking about writing a batfam fic where they meet the future versions of themselves and none of the past batfam can focus on asking their future selves any ‘thoughtful’ and ‘important’ questions because Jason in the future is fucking two feet taller and is the tallest of the family what the FUCK NO This is AWFUL this can not—
basically batfam have a mental breakdown at the fact that their little guy becomes an absolute brickhouse because it is just wrong.
Robin Jason is of course a sweetie pie but is also definitely rubbing it in their faces pointing to himself and redhood saying “Im taller than you guys! See? See?” over and over again
And Redhood Jason awkwardly shifts around standing in the corner because he was NOT expecting such a ‘warm’ welcome
#based on the fact jason was like 4’something during his robin days#like him being so tall and bulked up is so wrong in their minds like#‘who is that??’#‘oh thats jason’#all of part batfam collectively ‘NO THAT IS FUCKING NOT#little jason has stars in his eyes which redhood jason was NOT expecting#i mean sure robin jason hating his future self is cool and all#but him absolutely adoring his future self because of how cool he looks and him rubbing it in everyones faces like a little shit#well thats jus my cup of tea man#jason todd#dc#batman#batfam#fic ideas#maybe to be written who knows#veerliwrites
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hey in your tags you mentioned a “batfam leverage au” can u explain what that is
Happily! :D
So I'm not sure if you're familiar with the show Leverage, but the quick summary is that it's about a group of "bad guys" (a hacker, a hitter, a grifter, a theif and the mastermind that directs them all) that help people who have been hurt by the rich and powerful by using their skills to pull heists and cons on the bad guy of the episode to ruin them and get back whatever was taken/right whatever was made wrong.
It's an amazing show that I can't recommend enough, very clever, very funny, big found family vibes and an OT3 that's *this close* to being canon (and has been supported by the writers). The heists are amazing and it's all around an AMAZING show.
Anyway, the BatPham Leverage Au is basically just: a collection of DP & BatFam members join together to make a robin hood heist team like in the show Leverage. I have a couple versions of the BatPham Leverage AU rattling around my head, but most fleshed out right now are:
Business of Family - the Uncle Oz AU (Penguin Adopts Jazz & Danny): My plan for this story is for Jazz and Danny to decide to start running heists in Gotham on the people in the city that tend to fly under Batman's radar but who are still very much doing a lot of harm to the city and it's people. The Leverage AU part of this story is going to have Jazz as the Mastermind, Jason as the Hitter, Tim as the Hacker, Danny as the Thief/Maker (basically engineer), and Elle as the Grifter (shapeshifting Elle for the win lol).
Another Leverage AU I've been thinking about for awhile but that I haven't turned into a story yet is one where Team Phantom (Danny, Jazz, Sam, Tucker & Elle) are tasked with finding and returning various Infinite Realm artifacts that have ended up in the mortal world. And for some reason Gotham has just so many Infinite Realm artifacts in it. Like most of the artifacts in the world are in Gotham for some wild reason (it's Gotham there doens't need to be more of a reason).
They're on the run from the GIW/Fentons, so they're trying not to advertise any ghostly/liminal powers if they can help it, so they largely do heists without powers (minus Tucker doing all his hacking and everything from the Ghost Zone and some occasional invisibility/intangibility when it's called for, but they really do try and keep any power use to a minimum).
In this AU, Jazz is the Mastermind (again, because I love that role for her haha), Tucker is the Hacker, but that's when I can't quite decide who should be who.
I love the idea of Sam being a Hitter, but I think she'd be able to play Grifter pretty well knowing the rich as well as she does, Danny would love being a Hitter and being able to fuck some assholes' shit up while being completely feral but he could also still be a good Thief. Elle could go either Grifter again, but I like her as a Theif in this one, maybe running into Damian in the vents while she's trying to get into a vault or something lol. (I think it'd go with Danny: Hitter, Sam: Grifter, Elle: Thief, but I have no idea if that'll stick if/when I ever write this lol)
Whatever the team looks like, because there are so many artifacts in Gotham & because they can't just use their powers willy-nilly to grab them and run, they're going to be in Gotham for a long time, possibly years. Which means they need some kind of side hustle to pay the bills, which leads them to doing more heists, but this time on various rich assholes that deserve to lose a bunch of money.
Eventually they get on the Bats radar, and there'd be some fun cat & mouse back and forth with the BatFam trying to catch the Phantom Crew (Danny shouldn't be allowed to name things, but he already told Red Robin that was their team name before anyone could stop him). Eventually the GIW do show up and things start getting even more complicated (and maybe someone activates an artifact, resulting in a powerful entity being released in Gotham that they all have to team up to fight).
I have no name for this au other than the DP X DC Leverage Au, but I do know that'll have plenty of Anger Management, Brain Dead (or really Brain Dead + Everlasting Trio, don't know what the ship name for that is), Serious Chaos.
It'll also have Batman aggressively trying to adopt them all because he doesn't actually have anything against them stealing from these assholes as long as they don't hurt anyone. They're acting outside of the law yes but they're doing it in order to give justice to those who have been made victims by the system and he's all about that (the real final battle of the story is between Bruce & Selina who both want to adopt the Pham, who would like to know if they get a say in any of this - they don't).
#spaced asks and ace answers#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp prompt#dp x dc leverage au#leverage au#uncle oz au#penguin adopts jazz and danny#danny phantom#batman#danny fenton#jazz fenton#tucker foley#sam manson#danielle fenton#dani fenton#dani phantom#danielle phantom#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#anger management#brain dead#everlasting trio#serious chaos#look if I'm in a fandom for longer than five seconds I'm gonna make a leverage au#that's just how it's gonna be#batpham#batfam
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Weekly Fic Rec 40
It's been another ten fic rec lists, so you know what that means! A random list of recommendations of something not Superbat/Batfam/DC related. This time, it's meat related! Tbh, I don't know why I haven't done that before, lol.
Anyway, on to the fics!
Latchey by goldkirk - Batfam, complete. Tim joins the family early fic! He also runs a blog full of all his batfam photos (secretly, of course).
Fears Unfounded by OdosBucket - Superbat and Batfam, complete. Jason has some worries about Bruce's new partner, Clark.
Mission: seducing Superman by Speechless_since_1998 - Superbat, wip. Battinson figures the only way to stop Superman is to seduce him. Shenanigans ensue. Selina, Harley, and Ivy help.
The Price of Blame by AlexaAffect - Batfam, complete. Jason finds out that his siblings keep blaming their fuck ups on him to Bruce. He decides to start charging for his services. Shenanigans ensue.
painted blind by IHadHimOnTheRopes (CarterReid) - Superbat, wip. More of the soulmates fic, but from Clark's POV.
non-disclosure agreement by pomeloquat - Banebat, complete. A very good, very smutty fic from the BBWO collection. Also it's a pomeloquat fic, which are always a delight to read.
all that he can hold by shipyrds - Superbat, complete. Another lovely, smutty fic, with a focus on breathplay/choking. It also gets very Soft at the end, which I also enjoyed.
Borrowing a Bed by Anonymous - Superwonderbat, complete. A short fic where they all share a bed at the Kent house. Bruce is in the middle, of course.
Behind Closed Doors by Taxi_Cab_To_Slowtown - Pennywaynes, complete. Ace Thomas and his lovely spouses, Martha and Alfred :)
(Love) Triangles Have Multiple Centers by frozenpotions -Superbat, wip. More of the identity porn fic. Dick makes an appearance and he is a Delight.
Gently in the Night by Internedionality - Cloisbat, complete. Bruce isn't doing to well after Jason's death. Clark helps, then Lois. More Ace Bruce, because I'm a sucker for that.
The Heart Grows Fonder by Yippekia - Superbat, wip. Another lovely smutty fic from the BBWO collection. Clark goes off planet, but leaves some company behind to take care of Bruce :)
a sky of honey by TheResurrectionist - Superbat, wip. More of the omgaverse Superbat fic. Clark finally meets Jason.
nocturn by TheResurrectionist - Superbat, complete. Part of a room full of coral series. What Lex is doing in 'a sky of honey' when Bruce is going through his heat with Clark. He has a big sad, Bruce and Clark help.
Custody Exchange by SalParadiseLost - Bruharvey, complete. A creepy fic, just in time for the holiday! Jason is the child of Bruce and Harvey. Bruce is a monster, and so is Jason. Bruce and Harvey share custody.
Patchwork Pod by Ktkat9 - Superbat, wip. More of the mer Bruce fic! Also, Bruce is back!!
we shall be free; we shall find peace by mediant - Superbat (eventually), wip. More of Clark being a long time prisoner of Lex. Latest chapter was sad (not that that's a bad thing!), but Kon is a teen now!
And now for the meat recommendations! I grew up on a beef farm raising Angus, so most of these are going to be beef since I'm biased that way. But if you poke me, I could give you some recommendations of some other species too (except fish, not a lot of experience there).
Of steaks that come from the middle meats (ribeye, loin), I have a fondness of ribeye steak. BUT ONLY if it comes from the front of the ribeye roll. The reason why is because there is a cap muscle that wraps around the major loin muscle (longissimus dorsi) called the spinalis dorsi. It's so much more tender and flavorful than the actual ribeye muscle.
Below is an example of what I mean. It's that flat muscle wrapping around the oval shaped one:
Next is the Flat Iron steak! That muscle is called the infraspinatus, and is the second most tender muscle in the carcass! And also cheaper than the most tender muscle, the tenderloin (like, more than half the price per pound). It comes from the chuck, or shoulder of the beef carcass, and hangs out on top of the shoulder blade.
Below is a picture. Note, there is a thick piece of connective tissue that lays in the middle of the muscle. It has to be filleted out (sort of like fish), then you'll have two long strips of meat. This picture has the connective tissue out.
My finally recommendation is a more economic option, cube steak! It comes from the back leg, or round of the carcass. I tend to not like meat that comes from this primal because I always find it so dry and tough. Most of the time, my family just grinds it all for ground beef (adding fat trim so it's not so lean). But, we do request or make cube steak whenever we get one of our beef carcasses processed. Eye of round (this is the same muscle as your hamstring in your leg) is used, but top or bottom round can be used as well. Since those muscles are so tough, they are mechanically tenderized using a cuber, where you drop the meat through some blades a few times until it's tender. I like to bread mine in seasoned flour, brown them, and then drop in a crock pot with cream of mushroom soup or cream of chicken soup (sometimes both if it's a large batch). It cooks while I'm at work, and when I get home, I make some potatoes to go with my meat and gravy. I have fond memories eating this after a cold day of helping Dad with farm chores as a kid.
Below is an example:
Again, if you want any recommendations for other species, let me know! But to be honest, a lot of the cuts from a pork or lamb carcass is the same as a beef, it's just smaller with (maybe) a different name.
Happy reading (and eating)!
#weekly fic recs#fic recs#fanfic recs#fanfiction reccomendations#fic rec list#fanfic#superbat#batfam#bat family#banebat#bruharvey#bruce wayne#clark kent#beef#ribeye#flat iron steak#cube steak#seriously#feel free to ask me questions about meat#i enjoy answering them#and even if i don't know the answer#it's fun for me to research and find out!
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Danny is taken in by the Batfam for protection (Jazz asked when she realized she can't do it all on her own anymore) and is surprised when for the first time the scientific curiosity he is met with isn't malicious but simply out of a desire to keep him happy and healthy. (And Jazz is relieved that for once she can have a good night sleep knowing her little brother is safe, also that Jason seemed protective enough of him to help her convince Batman to take her baby brother in. Also he was kinda cute)
!!!! Oh man this would be such a great possible H/C or Fluff fic idea. Danny freaking the fuck out because he has had very bad experiences with scientists and experimentation in the past.
Experimentations and tests that are actually non invasive and aren’t considered technical war crimes.
Cass battling Danny’s clones to help with his endurance in the skull, also to practice his focus and fighting techniques
Tim and Bruce doing a bunch of medical testing to see how being part ghost and human has affected him so they can properly create working medication for his human and ghost side.
Lots of fun researching sessions with various batfam members in Ghost Writers book collection for knowledge about possible biology (necrology? Is that a thing? Idk?) stuff for Danny.
Tim having a BLAST trying to see the extent of how he can control computers via possessing them.
Tests on:
How fast he can fly/run
How quickly can he turn intangible and if there are any limitations via just Danny walking through random shit.
If he’s detectable on any form of camera/sensor when he is invisible.
Can he minimize the constant glow around him that’s ever so constant when he’s in ghost form
How intricate can he make his ice sculptures and what’s the extent of his ice abilities though many many trials and tests
If he is eldritch, maybe how fuckin eldritch can he go and can he control that eldritch form to appear gradually or nah
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Tags That Made Me Smile 2023 — Part 1 (Jan-June)
Ive collected so many of my "Tags That Made Me Smile List" that i wont be posting it annually this year, its going to be at least biannually (although a good portion of this list is actually random comments in the author notes/lines and not tags 🤣)
[2022's List] [2021's List]
.
Not Fandom Specific
if they seem ooc at times (to YOU) just ignore it... i know Them
“It’s impossible to figure out comic book timelines” - people who are not me and who I cannot relate to
im ace but i tried my damnest to emulate allo behaviour
canon is nothing more than the sandbox in which I choose to build my castle
Not canon, not fanon, but some other third thing (my love for extravagant world building)
fan fiction vs foe fiction
bro we are teens its ok to be vunerable in front of me #now we are kissing bro dont stop
They have my mind on fucking speed dial i stg
intentional miscommunication in the name of fuckery
Cheesy romance taken seriously
The universe frantically consults the rule book while fate runs off with their action figures
getting a toddler dumped on you by your ex’s ex
“I’m not dying without kissing you” #And then they don’t die #And It’s all quite awkward
"Now if you'll excuse me… Tonight's bad decision isn't going to make itself."
“What’s a ‘boyfriend’? And why am I yours?”
“It has come to my attention that you are, unfortunately, my favorite person on this planet.”
i’m staring at the ceiling fighting the urge to kick you -a love story
Accidental Soul-Bonding oops
Enemy to Caretaker
Wooing via Prank War
Allegedly Platonic Kissing
Fandom Specific
These are ordered by the chronological order of which fandom i was reading at the time
Wednesday
werewolves mate for life
The Gomezification of Wednesday Addams
Legend of Zelda
Hi my name is Link and Welcome to Jackass
Link and Sidon both get a little bit gay: The Chapter
Gerudo Vai Outfit shenanigans
DC x Danny Phantom
Danny is the Tom Bombadil of Superheroes
Jack Fenton’s ability to casually Cool-Aid-Man his way through walls is a symptom of ectoplasm exposure
Skulker, No Skulking!
Danger Twink!Danny Fenton
Red Hood: Civilian Edition
inception—magic school bus version
a guy on staff so adorable it triggers Jason’s fight or flight response
Jason gets diagnosed with "bro your ectoplasm is fucked up" disease
Inspired by Hallmark Christmas Movies #But make it Halloween #where Tim Drake finds out the true meaning of love and Halloween #a true Rom-Com that's just a lil spooky
keeps the Hallmark themes of anti-capitalism #Vlad is the capitalism
pit is gone #raging anger has been replaced with raging hormones
All the (pit) rage he felt at the Joker for killing him is now being redirected and funneled into admiration/gratitude for the guy who did kill Joker
What is a murderer, a maker of ghosts, to the king of ghosts, but a faithful servant?
“Hood, your boyfriend's haunted!”
batman looked at gotham and said "i can fix her" #gotham looked at batman and said "i can make him worse"
Various DC Media
DC stands for Disregard Canon
Pining batman? more like Down Badman
Fortress of Sulkitude
Hurricane Dick and smaller Tropical Storm Damian
Tim finds his missing spleen #:)
just two dudes chillin' in a sleeping bag zero feet apart because Bart stole the other one
Kon's jacket #(it's made from boyfriend material)
Batfam? Bat colony? #how exactly do you to refer to the fascinating taxon that is Tim's family
Breaking the laws of Nature with sheer fucking will and bullshit circumstance (Time and Dimension Travel)
"Ha! Ive been sleeping in his bed for years, i no longer register as a threat"
Let it not be said that Bruce Wayne is a coward. A fool, perhaps, but never a coward.
"This is not very slay of you Tim" Bruce said
#hinacu#list#batman#dc#dp x dc crossover#wednesday#danny phantom#loz#the legend of zelda#ds:kny was all non specific enough i just put it up there
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Your “Steph keeps the kid” au is incredible! Do you have ideas about the relationships between little Allie and the batfamily? Does she call them Aunts and Uncles? What about Young Justice? Are they the uncles and aunts as well? Sorry I am having a lot of emotions.
I'm so happy people are liking that AU, honestly. I've been meaning to draw some more of it, so I think that I will be doing tomorrow. As for your questions: I hadn't invested too much thought in it, but this is a perfect excuse to do that. So! We're doing this from youngest to oldest. (This is gonna be way too long.)
Damian, when he comes along, is faced with a rambunctious three-year-old who wants to be his very best friend. He's not used to other children, he's not used to the idea of a big family, he just pushed her step-dad off a dinosaur. She does not care. And he gets used to that eventually. I don't think she'd ever necessarily call him uncle (they're only like seven years apart), but they are close. Having another kid around does him some good.
Sorta skipping Duke because I haven't read enough of his comics, BUT I know he's cool with Cassandra and Damian, who are both more than cool with Steph and Allie, so they'd hang out eventually. He's a bit of a daredevil, I know that much, and a bit of a nerd, and I think Allie would like him. If he wants to be Uncle Duke (it's not like Bruce ever officially adopted him, his mom's still around, but he IS part of the Batfam), he'd absolutely get to be.
Young Justice don't find out for a while. Mostly because they don't even know exactly who Robin is. I think they'd just ... as a collective be very surprised by their sixteen-year-old teammate having a (step)child, but they took Anita having to raise her re-incarnated infant parents so well, I frankly don't think anything would throw them for long. They're some of Tim's best friends, they'll grow into being this kid's aunts and uncles. (Bart's her favourite.) (Because he's mine.)
Cass absolutely adores this kid. They first meet when Cass breaks into Steph's room (the only time Steph ever gets the jump on her), and she's not letting go. Steph brings her around the clock tower sometimes. Practicing to read is easier when you do it for a curious little girl. The baby doesn't expect long conversations. Cass has no experience with babies but she knows exactly what not to do, so what can go wrong, right? And she absolutely insists on being Aunt Cass.
I'm skipping Jason because frankly, I don't know enough about him to talk about him in any capacity. I know even less about him than Duke.
Dick is Tim's big brother. He almost fell off a roof when Tim told him his girlfriend was pregnant. He is not ready for his baby bro to have a baby of any kind, step or otherwise. But Tim's a good kid and Steph seems to be one, too, even if Bruce doesn't always seem to think so, and they're gonna need all the help they can get, and he's not immediately gonna take off his mask, but fuck it, he's Uncle Nightwing now. And Uncle Dick eventually.
Babs is ... not too keen on a baby in the clocktower at first. Or on Steph, even, when she's vigilanty-ing. But Tim's her bud and it's not like he's gonna change his mind on any of this, and Steph's stubborn as hell, too, and at least Cassandra is practicing her letters when Allie's around, so. O well. She comes around to her eventually. And probably doesn't want to be Aunt Barbara at first but ends up being exactly that, anyway.
Bruce is. Tricky? He's very hot and cold on Steph. He doesn't want Tim to reveal his identity to her until he does (and then does it himself), so he's not happy when Tim takes that step without consulting him in this AU. Allie's also born during No Man's Land, so at that time, he has bigger fish to fry. Jack and Dana are still around, too, so he's not yet Tim's (adoptive) father. He's not terribly involved in Allie's life, I think. And he still dies soon after Damian comes along and I'm not yet sure if I'm resurrecting him. So. I think they're getting closer before he dies, but no Grandpa Bruce in this AU, unfortunately.
Alfred seems to be very protective of Tim. He's angry with both Bruce and Steph when Bruce tell her who Tim his. (Which doesn't happen here, but. Just as a baseline.) I think he wouldn't be too excited about Steph at first. He's an old man. Maybe a little old-fashioned, too. But I think once he's sure that Tim is safe and happy and that this is what he wants, he'd get right to making cucumber sandwiches for Steph, too. His boys are just always his first priority.
And ... that's the main fam, right? I think. I hope. All the people I can say anything about in any case. This isn't the absolute happiest of AUs, but it is happy-ish. And it does end in relative harmony.
Thank for the ask. Hope I answered it properly. Feel always free to send more, if you read all that, haha.
#dc#bobbinasks#steph keeps the kid au#batfam#young just us#i am not tagging all the individual characters bc i don't feel like clogging up their tags with this lol
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It's Harley Quinn's turn !!
Design rant time!!! (I wrote way too much about her just a warning)
She actually has two more looks, her dating Joker era, and her post breakup era, the one shown above is her once she finds herself, so here are the other two:
Harleen Quinzel's backstory is barely changed. She grew up in a shitty home and spent her time outside of school doing gymnastics, and developed an interest in psychology and psychiatry. She became a psychiatrist at Arkham and fell in love with the Joker who she helped break out of Arkham. He then forced her to take a quick swim a vat of chemicals at Ace Chemicals which bleached her skin and hair and drove her mad (although she was already a little unstable). From there she was in a codependent and somewhat abusive relationship with the Joker. After many breakups, during which she often seeked support from Ivy, they eventually broke up for good and she started her solo criminal career (although it's not very solo considering her tendency to work with Ivy or as a part of the Sirens).
As Harleen Quinzel she wore fake glasses to make herself look smarter, spoke with a different more "acceptable" accent, and maintained a calm and collected demeanour. This was all in an attempt to be taken seriously by others. (Note she is prone to unhealthy relationships, the Joker was not the first shitty relationship she had been in but thankfully was the last). After becoming Harley Quinn her personality became erratic and hyperactive, often having mood swings, and experiencing extreme emotions, but is only prone to violence if provoked. She started using her actual accent although she spoke using a higher pitched voice when with the Joker. As Harley Quinn she started wearing exaggerated makeup, dying her hair and wearing almost solely black and red. With the Joker she donned her iconic Harley Quinn costume and used an oversized mallet found at Amusement Mile (Where the Joker would often hide out). She also got some tattoos during this era. After their final breakup she let the hair dye grow out (her hair was split dyed fully black and red) and chopped off a lot of it, she began wearing a modified version of her Harlequin costume and got a new mallet (to note this outfit has wheels in the soles of the shoes). Just to mention during one of Joker and Harley's really bad breakups is when Ivy gave her the shit to make her immune to toxins and poisons.
Eventually Harley found herself donning a new outfit which is more casual, keeping her second mallet, and occasionally wearing a mask. The mask does nothing to hide her identity but when she eventually began working with the Batfam more than commuting crimes she wanted to fit in with everyone and they all wear masks. She also began dating Ivy (once again not exactly healthy but as healthy as possible). Although despite this her personality hasn't mellowed out whatsoever and if anything she's even more joyful and optimistic. After dating Ivy she got Ivy's name tattooed on her and some roses to cover up an old Joker tattoo, Ivy thinks it's stupid but Harley thinks it's a display of affection (Note Harley thinks body modification is really cool and as a result has a lot of tattoos and more then a few piercings). Also after years of using gymnastics to fight people and swinging around a fucking giant mallet she's muscular, specifically her arms, I'm just not great at drawing muscle. And somewhere in all that is shit to do with the Suicide Squad which she's a member of for a while. In Arkham her hair dye fades, she can't wear makeup, and she gets out of having handcuffs or a straight jacket because she's surprisingly compliant and doesn't cause too many problems. (Note with her Arkham outfit the shirt is cropped because she has a habit of fashioning her clothes how she wants to wear them, but also tearing off strips of fabric to braid with when bored).
Personal details, she's bi and fuck it she's trans mtf because I said so. As stated she's in a relationship with Ivy and Ivy is probably the person she's closest to (aside from her Hyenas Bud and Lou). She's friends with the Riddler and they bond over both being found really annoying by the rest of the rogues. She's also friends with Catwoman, and Penguin has a soft spot for her. She's a member of the Gotham City Siren's, occasionally helps out the Birds of Prey, and both unwillingly and willingly helps out the Batfam. Just to note as is often canon she's still incredibly smart specifically in psychology and psychiatry, and is a super talented gymnast. And that's everything, I really didn't say anything unique, she sticks pretty close to the character Harley has become over the years. Oh also obviously she's Jewish and is practicing.
#dc#dc comics#au#harley quinn#harleen quinzel#batman#rogues gallery#digital art#incase you couldnt tell i dont like the pink and baby blue hair#so i stuck soley to red and black for everything#with a few gold accents obviously#my art
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Some kind of post introduction thing
(Finally updated the socials - Mokou)
Hello, we are the Murder of Crows collective!
There are over 331 of us in one body, each of us ranging from different ages between the ages 13 to 36 but the body age is 20. (Some alters don't have ages or are ancient fuckers) So with that being said, DO NOT INTERACT WITH US IF YOU'RE UNDER THE AGE 18.
It is none of your business about the validity of our D.I.D, you're not a professional therapist/psychiatrist and it shouldn't matter if there's a lot of us, we're not in the right place nor are we financially able to get properly diagnosed and we've discovered about our D.I.D in January of this year (2023).
- - -
Fandoms: Too many to count, honestly. Diving back into Merthur and Batfam stuff though, need a new hyperfixation anyways.
We also indulge in the horny stuff, you've been warned twice now, Interact at your own risk.
If you become friends with one of us then there's a chance they've put their names in the tags, you can also search for said tags.
At some point we might make a list of all of our names, as there are lot of us but do note that some of us are Fictives (Fictional Character alters) and Octives (Fictional Original Character alters) so if you have an issue with our existence, then you can leave. The block button exists for a reason.
- - -
Also don't be scared about where we stand, we're all part of the LGBTQ+ community and all of us are mentally ill so if you're as weird as us then we'll get along greatly.
What else? Hmm...
Oh yeah, Don't Talk To Cops. Fuck The Government. Black Lives Matter.
(Lil side note: Most of us have religious trauma and a lot of trauma overall, so it'd be greatly appreciated if any talk of religion, politics and the QAnon cult is avoided and ignored. Thank you for understanding.)
- - -
Find us out there!
VRChat: Murder-Of-Crows
Cohost: @TheGalaxySystem
Discord: murder_.of_.crows_.
AO3: MossyCrow413
Roblox (yes we play roblox): @ZombiMothShroom (Display name is MurderOfCrows)
The crows are watching.
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I'm gonna talk about my dumb batfam succession tv show pipedream!! Too long lmao!!
cold open- x-rays of Bruce's fucked up spine, Leslie explaining that it really is only going to take one more ~good~ hit for his vertebrae to sever completely. stressing that at this point it's highly irresponsible for him to be going out every night/ he's actively risking permeant paralysis.
title sequence- it's my pipedream!! opening sequence is a collection of casefiles/red thread murder board tracing from the very beginning with the botched crime alley mugging all the way through Talia dropping Damian off at the manor.
(Liberties Will Be Taken because this isn't an adaptation, if anything this is what if wfa was fucked up and bad lmao. I specifically want to tweak Tim's origins because godd I'm sorry but I don't care about the Drakes at all.)
Establishing Bruce- match cut from the cold open- mid-shot Bruce staring blankly forward in a hospital gown, cold, green led-lighting as Leslie's voice distorts into droning MATCHED to mid-shot Bruce is a nice suit, warm rich tones distorted sounds of people talking/laughing same blank, hollow expression. A hand with a gold ring clasps him on the shoulder, and in a fraction of a second it's like you're looking at a completely different person— wry, joyful expression on his face as he turns to see who's touching him. the effect is deeply unsettling.
If this was an outline for a real storyboard I'd cut in with something else here to build suspense, maybe cut to Dick? Damian? But that's not the point lmao. The purpose of the scene with the Gold Ring Man is to set up A. Bruce Wayne is rich, B. Whatever they're talking about is the set up for either the crime/corporate drama or both, and C. there is something deeply wrong with him.
Ends with a sequence of Bruce being driven home in the back of a town car. It's dark, Bruce's face is only gently illuminated by the ambient light in the car, but two things stand out: 1. he's alone, silent, in the dark. 2. the dead expression is back.
Establishing Dick- unproblematic king! contrasted with Bruce, Dick is walking to work in the golden glow of an early morning commute. He's walking by himself, but he smiles/engages with all the people he sees, and they all know him by name. In contrast to the sheer wealth on display in Bruce's scene, Dick's clothes are athletic, cheap, and casual. He works at one of those kids gymnastics clubs (sue me) that kind of double as daycare? He usually works the afterschool shift but swapped with a coworker as a favor.
The purpose of Dick's At Work scene is to establish 1. he doesn't care about WE in the slightest. he doesn't care about money. 2. he misses when the batboys were small. he wants to be a part of a real family again, very badly. the politicking that occurs within the family he finds distasteful at the start, this will change later as Dick loses options, but this is how it starts: Dick has forsaken his adopted father's world. at least during the day.
He may be the eldest son, but he doesn't want his inheritance.
Establishing Jason and Tim: this is corny and cliche and I don't care!! my pipedream!! Tim's on his bed in what appears to be a dorm setting when Jason, in full red-hood gear, breaks in through the window; match-cut from Dick tumbling to Jason crawling in.
Jason needs help, help Bruce is either unwilling or unable to provide.
Tim is bitter, dialogue implies that he and Bruce have had some sort of falling out, with Tim making the claim that he's out of the game, retired, he's at school now, says Jason should be asking Damian for his help instead. Jason calls his bluff, he never believed Tim quit for a second, he's too smart to have watched Dickie make the same move only to be devastated when Bruce didn't come chasing after him.
Tim admits that he's right, Tim's "nest" is in the basement, he owns the building outright, it's not a real dorm/apartment, but he is really still pissed at Bruce; they haven't been talking. Tim leads Jason to his version of the batcave, and expresses willingness to hear him out.
The purpose of Jason and Tim being established together to set up a couple foils between them. One being the theme of wealth, paralleled with Bruce/Dick. Jason won't touch any of Bruce's money (he makes money,, as a drug dealer lmao he's a complicated boy), Tim has taken to spending a fuck ton of Bruce's money, mainly to piss him off. They both have wildly different financial backgrounds. I'll explain the rest later. Jason doesn't seem to have a day-life, and Tim doesn't seem to have a night-life. both assumptions are proven incorrect.
Establishing Damian- Damian's graduated high school, and he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life (I will fuck all their ages to make this work I don't care). He wants to figure out who he is, he's ignoring mostly everyone, and Dick misses him so, so much. The opening sequence is Damian talking to Dick on the phone while he crosses rooftops.
He's fallen into the life he honestly kind of expected Tim to fall into, before Tim stormed out to go try and be normal or whatever. Damian doesn't really have much of a day life— he still has Daddy's unlimited credit card, he doesn't have to work. He's currently stuck between his values, what he feels he should be versus what he wants to be, and in the face of that budding ennui has reverted somewhat to the principles he was raised on.
His scene is him in costume, following leads on the case he's working on, when he runs into Batman. It's stilted. And awkward. It's revealed that Damian has been using the cave, using Bruce's resources, but always careful never to be there while Bruce is there.
Bruce goes to move in a certain way, and makes a little huff of pain, and Damian knows immediately something is wrong. And so, Damian becomes the first person Bruce tells about his impending retirement. It's a difficult conversation, charged, but it starts Damian thinking about the future. About what his father's legacy will be.
The purpose of Father/Son bonding is to establish the realtionship between Dick/Damian and Bruce/Damian, and to start the ball rolling on the actual succession-y plot. Dick might not want his inheritance, but that doesn't mean Damian's not allowed to want it either. Tim's out of the picture, and Jason's cosplaying a baddie. It's not a betrayal if he goes after what it seems like uncharacteristically his father is leaving to chance. If he just,, becomes his dad, he doesn't have to worry about the kind of person he's going to be.
There will be more lmao
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𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 — 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈
Yandere Dick Grayson x GN Reader
❥ Part I >> Part II >> Part III >> Part IV
𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓: Wanted to write a platonic older brother Dick Grayson story, but depicting his spiral into yandere-hood. Tumblr can’t handle my swag AO3-length writing, so multiple parts it is!
𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒: platonic sibling yandere content, older brother Dick Grayson, younger sibling reader, non-vigilante reader, adopted reader, slow burn yandere(?), the pacing is very a-day-in-the-life-esque, kind-of stalking, unsettling build-up, Dick isn’t a full-blown yandere yet, starting off tame, biblically accurate Batfam, CLIFF HANGER!!
❥ 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍. 𝐁𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃.
Richard Grayson didn’t really like you.
He never told you outright, but you knew. It was painfully obvious during your initial meeting (one that was “long overdue,” according to Bruce), back when Alfred dropped you off at his Blüdhaven apartment with all your belongings. Though he offered a welcoming smile with complimentary dimples, something dark swirled in his sapphire eyes, a stony cold stare contrasting with his warm greeting of, “nice to finally meet you, (Y/N).”
You didn’t know that much about Richard Grayson, other than his role as your pseudo older brother (and the fact that he was Robin, and now Nightwing, but you were still wrapping your head around the idea of your filthy rich adoptive father being fucking Batman, so… there’s not much you could say on that). He seemed friendly enough in all the gala interviews you’ve seen, but you were starting to realize to not take someone’s press persona as gospel: after all, Bruce Wayne seems much more put together in front of the cameras than he does in the manor. So, while unsettling, you couldn’t say you were too surprised by this official first impression.
Maybe he was just tired, you told yourself. He probably doesn’t get much sleep, with the whole crime-fighting thing and all.
(Yeah… crime-fighting thing… y’know, cuz your pseudo older brother is Nightwing, and your filthy rich adoptive father is fucking Batman.)
However, after getting all your things settled into his spare bedroom — Alfred being a big help, as he always was — you were getting the sense that your gut intuition was right; Richard Grayson didn’t really like you at all. He may have acted all cordial, giving you a tour of his apartment and making polite jokes, but as soon as Alfred left and he excused himself to make a phone call in his room, his true feelings on your collective predicament became painfully apparent, as thin walls did nothing to hold in his heated argument with Bruce.
“B, why the hell are you doing this to me?! ……. No, they’re in their room. Getting all their stuff settled in right now. ……. I know I did, but now that they’re here, I just—!! ……. No, they’ve been okay so far, it’s just— come on, B, I know you’re an empty-nester, but if you weren’t ready to take in a kid, why’d you—?! ……. Really? So adopting orphans is just a hobby now?! ……. Yeah, and it’s really unfortunate what they’ve gone through, but you can’t just pick up every stray you see, especially if you’re this fucking paranoid about them wanting to—”
This was the only time you could understand Bruce’s response over the phone; “I DON’T WANT ANOTHER DEAD CHILD, DICK.”
… Ah.
There was a beat of silence before Bruce continued, though his softer tone made it impossible to make out what he was saying. He went on and on until Dick sighed. “Bruce, I want them to have a happy home. And, yeah, I sure as hell agree that the manor might not be the best choice, but I’m off doing my own thing just as much as you are. At the very least, Alfred— ……. What would’ve been good for both of you was to not sign the papers in the first place. You’re still healing, and they need someone who can be there for them. ……. No. No, they’re already here. I’ll stay true to my word, B, but they can’t stay here forever; you know that. It’s just not healthy for all of us. ……. Yeah, I know. I’ll do my best. Look, I gotta figure out what I’m gonna make this kid for dinner.”
And then, without a single goodbye exchanged, the call went dead.
So, yeah. Richard Grayson didn’t really like you.
Which was fine. Really, it was. You weren’t even his sibling by law, as you learned from Alfred that Bruce technically never even adopted him, yet here he was being asked to take care of you, a reminder that he can’t escape Bruce Wayne or Batman no matter how hard he tries. While you were still learning the full situation (again, your filthy rich adoptive father is fucking BATMAN), what you already knew didn’t paint a pretty picture. Honestly, you didn’t blame Richard Grayson for being a little spiteful towards you. It did make sense.
You just wish it didn’t make you feel so… unwanted.
“How was school, kiddo?”
A questioning hum was startled from your vocal chords. The car ride had been so silent, you found yourself lost in your own thoughts, almost forgetting that you were buckled into the passenger seat of Richard’s — Dick’s, rather; he told you to call him Dick the day you moved in — older, copper-colored car. After taking a few moments to collect yourself, you threw your temporary guardian a glance only to find he was pointedly staring at you (which was concerning, as he was driving).
“Uh…” your voice faltered a bit, forcing you to cough in your fist. “It was alright.”
His eyes lingered on you for a bit longer before returning to the road ahead. You thought that was the end of the conversation, but then he spoke up again. “Did you learn anything?”
A bit of an awkward thing to ask, but at least he was trying. “Factoring in algebra. And I guess a little about the Mongol Empire.”
“Factoring,” he said with distaste. “Wasn’t a fan of that. Though it didn’t really help that I had the worst algebra teacher. Ended up with a 70 in that class by some miracle.” A small beat of silence. “Do anything fun with friends?”
You grimaced. Though you tried your best not let it show, you knew Dick probably caught it through the rear-view mirror. “I, uh, haven’t made any friends yet.”
“It’s already October,” he skeptically stated with a quirked brow.
“I know. It’s just…” you clutched your book bag closer to your chest. “It was my first day here, so… gotta make new friends.”
“… Oh.”
As much as you wanted to dryly chortle at his reaction, you refrained. It probably wasn’t his fault he didn’t know about being transferred from Gotham to Blüdhaven Academy, since Bruce apparently had a habit of keeping people out of the loop with things. For all you know, Dear Ol’ Daddy Bats just gave Dick an address and said, "drop off at 9, pick up at 3:30," leaving your pseudo-older brother to fill in the blanks from there (“this is an address to a school, so I’m assuming this is where they go to school,” or something like that).
So, all you could do was shrug. “Yeah.”
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see his jaw tighten. He seemed to be deliberating on something, eyes burning holes through his windshield as he let out a sigh. “So, guessing you have no one to stay with for the night?”
“Stay with?” You furrowed your brows. “What do you mean, stay with?”
“Well, I’m gonna be out tonight,” he explained, his tone sounded a bit exasperated. “Can’t just leave you on your own. Do any friends from your old school live near by?”
You were at a loss for words. He wanted you to stay with someone? For the entire night? “Wait, hold on… you just wanna dump me at a friend’s house anytime you do your hero shit—?”
“Not sure if you’ve noticed, kiddo, but we’re in Blüdhaven,” he spat at you. “And my apartment isn’t exactly in the nicest part of town.”
“But— it’ll be fine, ‘cuz you have a Bat-level security system,” you protested.
His grip got tighter on the steering wheel. “Doesn’t matter. You’re used to the manor, not street-level crime, kid.”
“I grew up in Gotham,” you retorted. “I’ve known street-level crime way longer than I’ve known the manor.” Before he could say something to that, you beat him to it by following up with, “and besides, all my friends from Gotham live in areas that are just as bad as your apartment. Wasn’t all that popular with the socialite kids with mansions, you know.”
No response for several seconds. Dick’s expression was far from pleasant, and you were starting to worry if you were getting yourself into some sort of trouble. Eventually, however, he let out a frustrated sigh, his cold eyes snapping towards your figure. “You make one hell of an argument, kiddo. But listen. We’ve gotta go over home-alone rules when we’re back to the apartment, alright? I don’t want anything happening to you under my watch.”
“Fine by me,” you shrugged.
The conversation was then dropped.
A small smile started to bloom on your face. He really thought he could rid of you like that, didn’t he? You knew he didn’t really like you, but using it’s not safe as an excuse to a Gothamite? Really? Yeah, that’s a bunch of bogus.
… Though, you had to admit, it was nice that he at least sounded considerate.
You woke up to the sounds of disgruntlement coming from the living area.
It wasn’t too loud, as you couldn’t exactly comprehend what was being said, but it was loud make you realize the disgruntled party was extremely ticked by something. Getting out of bed, you put your ear to the door for better listening.
“I already told you, I can’t. I’ve been leaving this kid home alone far too often for my liking. ……. Where, Roy?! Where can they stay?! Bruce isn’t in the right headspace to have another kid in the manor, and— ow, fuck— it’s not like they have any friends to crash with for the night! ……. Transferred schools. Would’ve been nice if Bruce said something about that, but— ……. Said their Gotham friends live in areas just as bad. Besides, there’s no way in hell I’m letting them step foot back into that hellhole without me being there. ……. ‘Cuz it’s fucking Gotham, Roy! It’s only city in the world that has a death by killer clown statistic!!”
Ah. Another phone call. Dick had been making a lot of those, recently. You never knew who was on the other line, except if it was Bruce or (by rare chance) Alfred, but you had a general idea that it was always one of his super hero friends. Not very many people casually talked about beating up thugs and criminals, after all.
“No— absolutely not. Bruce would be pissed if he found out!! He’d think I’m trying to make them into my sidekick or something, and god knows what happens to them after that. I’ve been through the system, Roy. While I’m not too keen on keeping a kid around, putting them back there is not an option. ……. They’re just— safer in my apartment than anywhere else right now. I can’t have anything happening to them. Not after Jason. Bruce would never forgive me, and I— I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. ……. I’m sorry, Roy. Maybe next time. ……. Yeah. Tell the other Titans I’m thinking about them, okay? ……. Yeah, good luck tonight. Try not to show up on the news. ……. Yup. See you.”
Your ears picked up on a low beep, heralding the end of the call. As Dick let out a string of curses, you couldn’t help but feel… empty. You were more than just a pain in the ass for Dick; you were a full-blown problem. It wasn’t just the fact that you were keeping him from having hero fun. Even if he wasn’t all that fond of you, he still considered you his responsibility, and seemed genuinely worried about your safety when he wasn’t there. You were under the impression that he went out at night to forget you existed, but…
Jason…
Jason was a name you were only vaguely familiar with, usually used as a heavy blow in a Dick v. Bruce argument. While you don’t exactly know the full context, Alfred did make mention once of a kid who lived in Wayne Manor before you (the one who is “no longer with us,” as the butler solemnly said), and upon stumbling into the Batcave by accident, some of the only coherent mutterings he offered were, “Jason,” and “no, not again.”
Again, you didn't know the full context, but it's easy to put together the pieces from there.
A particularly loud curse from the other side of the door brought you back to reality. You at first wondered if you should go out there and make sure your current guardian-figure was okay, but you decided against it, as A.) he was probably just patching himself up from a particularly rough skirmish, and B.) he didn't seem like he was in the mood to see you. Besides, with your thoughts on this Jason kid, you didn't know if you had enough self-control to keep your burning questions locked away on your tongue.
So, instead, you decided to lay back down in your bed, brainstorming ideas to get Dick to talk about Jason.
This was… kind of a terrible way to ask.
Sure, you were curious. The thought had been haunting your thoughts since Bruce’s breakdown, and being out of the loop was slowly eating away at your mind. But maybe you could’ve been less… abrupt… and given Dick a little bit more time to be mentally prepared. It was an extremely sensitive topic, after all, and you knew even he was healing from the aftermath.
You hoped he understood your question wasn’t just morbid curiosity; Jason’s death is in-part the reason you’re here, after all.
Dick stared at you across from the dinner table. His fork had a few pieces of macaroni skewered one the prongs, half-raised to be shoveled into his mouth. Blue eyes stared right through you, blinking owlishly as he presumably tried to process what the fuck you just asked him. All you could do was hunch into yourself in your seat, mentally scolding yourself for how fucking rude your question probably was. Painfully long seconds ticked by with no sort of response, and you eventually decided that the best course of action was to do some preemptive damage control.
“You— actually, you don’t have to answer,” you weakly sputtered. “I’m so sorry, that’s— that was so uncalled for. I’m really sorry, Dick.”
He set his fork down. “No, it’s fine. I’m just… did Bruce not— he never told you?”
You shook your head.
“… Ah,” was his reply. His eyes wandered towards the window, an unreadable expression falling onto his face. He seemed a bit… lost. Which was understandable, as you didn’t exactly give him prep time for a conversation like this. You gave him as much time as he needed to put his thoughts in order.
Finally, he gave an answer. “Killed in action. Ended up in the hands of the Joker, and… well, he didn’t come home. No Robin ever since.”
The flat tone that carved through his words caused your hair to stand on end. He kept the details vague, but you didn’t find yourself minding all that much. If the Joker was involved, it probably wasn’t that much of a lovely story. “So, he was Robin after you?”
A hum of confirmation came from Dick. “The mantle was open, since I took up a new name. After finding out that Bruce was Batman, he practically begged to be trained as Robin.” He slowly brought the fork to his mouth. “That’s what Bruce said, anyway.”
It was then you noticed the silverware rattling from some sort of rhythmic thumping. After a few moments, you realized it was from your knee hitting against the table, causing you to will your legs to stay still. “Um…” you cleared your throat. “Were you… close with Jason?”
“I mean, we were friendly.” He still neglected to make eye contact with you. “I tried to be a good example to him, but I was busy doing my own thing here.” His gaze dropped to the linoleum floor. “Didn’t spend enough time with him.”
A heavy pressure crushed down on your chest. While you didn’t know Jason personally, you were no stranger to the concept of loss, and the more you learned about his death, the more your current situation was starting to make sense. Jason discovered Bruce was Batman. He wanted to be Robin, and Bruce let him. Then he died as Robin. Bruce’s adopted son died on the field, in the costume.
So, after you found out Bruce was Batman… it probably felt all too familiar.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” you practically whispered.
Dick only sighed. “It’s alright, kiddo.” Finally, he raised his eyes to look at you. “Say, how are you doing in that chemistry class?”
… Huh?
The abrupt change in subject was… interesting. But definitely understandable, as talking about Jason’s death probably wasn’t all too pleasant. Guilt started to eat away at your conscious, the thought of making Dick uncomfortable by reminding him of his grief and regrets making your heart feel heavy. So, you merely offered a shrug and said, “uh… I’m doing fine.”
“Thought you were having trouble with valence equations,” he mused.
You could only dumbly stare at him. Okay… this was new territory. Sure, he always asked how school was while picking you up, but this was the first time he’s talked about it at dinner. Then again, this is the first time you two have talked at dinner period, since most dinners were spent eating in total silence, so maybe he was just trying to cleanse the awkward air that you created from randomly inquiring about Jason (because you can't do anything right, apparently).
So, ignoring the warmth that swirled in your chest at the thought of him actually caring about your life outside of the polite, seemingly obligatory after-school exchanges, you indulged.
Blüdhaven nights weren’t all that different from Gotham’s. They could get noisy, the sounds of the city mixing together into one cacophony. You’ve learned how to sleep through it all, and it’s not like it’s all high energy for the entire night; around 1 in the morning, there’s a lull in activity that yields little to no sounds to disturb your slumber. Some would even call this hour the most peaceful that places like Gotham and Blüdhaven can get, despite all of the dubious activities that are probably happening.
So, something like the sound of a window sliding opening is enough to disturb this peace.
It was your window. It sounded like it was right in your room, so it had to be your window. You stayed as petrified as a statue in your bed, the fog of sleepiness immediately airing out of your brain from your nervous system screaming, holy shit, someone is opening my window. Well, maybe, if you continued to stay still, they wouldn’t recognize the obvious lump in the bed, take whatever the fuck they wanted, and be on their merry way. With any luck, Dick was done doing his hero shit, and the unfortunate sap breaking into the apartment would have a run-in with Nightwing.
That’s when a your bed began to creak from a new weight being added to it.
… Ah, shit.
You didn’t move. There was no way in hell you were moving. Even if the intruder seemingly knew you were there, you could do nothing else but stay stagnant in place, waiting for them to make the next move. Maybe, if they touch you, you could swing your arm to hit them and catch them by surprise. That might give you enough time to run, find Dick’s room, and pray to god he’s home. If not, then you could at least lock yourself in his room and hold out until he does.
Your thoughts were cut short when a familiar voice rang out.
“You didn’t lock your window.”
… That bastard—!!
Relief crashed through your body like a tidal wave. A heavy breath tumbled out of your lips — one that you didn’t even know you were holding in — which alleviated the growing pressure in your chest. Now that you could feel your limbs again, you willed away the shiver that wanted to travel through your body as you turned to face this so-called intruder. “Kind of an unconventional way to come home, don’t you think?”
Your eyes met the pearly white lenses of a domino mask. The shadowy figure sitting on your bed had his arms crossed over the unmistakable azure symbol of Nightwing, which, oddly enough, had an intriguing iridescent shimmer under the moonlight. Huh… none of the cameras really pick up that detail, you mentally noted, glancing back and forth between the contrast of matte black and shiny blue. You were no professional superhero costume critic, but it was a nice little touch.
Dick’s tired sigh snapped you out of your thoughts. It was a grim reminder that — oh, yeah — you’re about to get chewed out by your vigilante kind-of-older-brother… at an ungodly hour. “Kid,” he began, the chastising tone you were becoming more and more acquainted with lacing every word, “you can’t keep forgetting to lock everything like that. What if I was some crook, or kidnapper, or worse?”
“Good thing it was just Nightwing coming through my window to give me a heart attack,” you humorlessly mused.
Though you couldn’t see underneath the mask, you knew he was giving you that one unamused stare you’re all too familiar with. “(Y/N), I’m serious. This is about your safety, your life, even. If something bad happens while I’m out, I won’t be able to protect you. For god’s sake, kid. I could be on the other side of Blüdhaven while you’re getting taken, or murdered, or whatever!!” He took a moment to heave another sigh. “Just… promise me you’ll lock your window next time, alright? Please.”
All you could do was wordlessly nod. After taking some time to process what he was saying, you admittedly felt bad. He was right; neglecting to lock your window like that could very well mean death in Blüdhaven. It’s not like growing up in Gotham is any different, so you knew this fact very well. Maybe your time at the manor caused you to become less careful, as it’s unlikely any criminals are hitting up the Wayne residence anytime soon; and it’s not like any of them know about the Bat-level security, either.
A springy click echoed through your room, and you looked up to see Dick inspecting your window (you’ve long stopped questioning how he just teleports like that). After deeming it to be safe, he softly padded towards your door. His hand was on the knob, but he seemed a bit hesitant to turn it. Then, almost as an afterthought, he looked at you over his shoulder and said, “goodnight, kiddo.”
“… Goodnight,” you mumbled.
He was out the door.
Click.
Now alone in your room, you could finally replay what just happened. Dear Big Bro Dickybird just gave you the scare of a lifetime, chastised you about being irresponsible, and left to assumingly go to bed (though you’re not sure if that man actually sleeps or not). The conversation — well, more like lecture — played in your mind, repeating on loop like a broken record… because of course your mind wanted to make you feel guiltier than you already did.
That’s when something weird stuck out to you.
“You can’t keep forgetting to lock everything like that.”
… Keep?
As far as you knew, that was your first time actually forgetting…
So... how did he know?
Thwack.
Before you could even begin to register whatever the fuck just hit your forehead, a teasingly dry voice rang out from above. “Your handwriting really sucks, y'know."
With furrowed brows to showcase your confusion, you forced yourself to sit upright on the couch. A small notepad fell from your chest to the floor, the pages sprawled out from the metal spiral to reveal your list of things you wanted from the store. “I was writing fast,” you grumbled.
"Sure you were," cooed Dick with a less-than-friendly smirk. He then cocked his head to the side, arms crossing over his chest. "Wanted a change of scenery or something?"
You felt your face scrunch up. "What does that mean?"
"You usually watch your dumb little YouTube videos in your room," he explained. "Not sprawled out on my couch."
Honestly, you weren't even going to question how he knew that. Maybe it was that dumb Bat-detective intuition, or the fact that you probably need to start turning the volume on your phone down a notch (thin walls, remember?). Rolling your eyes, you situated yourself so that you were once again lounging comfortably on the couch. "Trying to tell me something, bucko?"
"Yeah, actually." Before you knew it, you were being ripped away from the cushions, an indignant yelp leaving your lips as you dangled mid-air from your legs. You had to adjust to your new upside-down view in order to throw Dick an incredulous glare. The bastard merely offered a shit-eating grin, simply stating, "get off my couch."
"... Could've just told me that," you spat out.
He began to walk you out of the living room. "You wouldn't of listened."
"Wha-- I totally would've!"
"Somehow, I doubt that."
Whatever retort you wanted to throw at him dissolved into a heavy OOMF as he dropped you onto the floor. You found yourself glaring up at him once more as he swiped invisible dust off of his hands, giving you a champion smirk before heading back in the living. You managed to orient yourself into an awkward squat just in time to see him confidently throw himself into the couch cushions.
That asshole just kicked you out of your spot.
You were not about to let that slide.
With an animalistic yell, you began to gallop — yes, gallop; it was a weird mix of running and crawling, as you were already on the floor — at him full speed. He barely had time to react to your charge (as you victoriously noted from his surprised OOF as you pounced on him), and within seconds, the both of you were locked into a fight to the death. Dick might've had the upper hand when it came to combat technique, but what you lacked in experience, you made up in dedication as you tried your damned hardest to push him off of the couch.
"Hey," he wheezed out. "Quit it, you little freak!!"
"You quit it," was your breathy reply. "I was here first!!"
"But it's my couch!!"
"Didn't see you using it!!"
"Just 'cuz I was getting your dumbass groceries!!"
"You were out for a whole-ass hour!!"
Despite giving it your all, the battle was beginning to turn against you as Dick managed to wrestle your upper body between his forearm and bicep. He eventually managed to pin your viciously kicking legs under his arm, and looking back on it, the scene probably looked reminiscent of a zookeeping holding down a trashing crocodile. This didn't deter you however, as you began to gnaw at his forearm, drawing a sound of disgust from your captor. "I had to spend, like, 30 minutes trying to decipher your shit handwriting," he scoffed. "Now can you just accept defeat and stop biting me!?"
You tried to respond with something along the lines of, "not until you give me my spot back," but it came out as garbled nonsense with your mouth full of his forearm. He aggressively told you to repeat yourself (probably under the pretense that you were giving him some major lip), and during the time you relieved his skin of your teeth to say something much worse than you initially did, a cheerful little tune began to play from Dick's pocket.
"... Hold that thought," he murmured.
Respectfully, you kept still and allowed him to use one of his hands to fish his phone out of his hoodie (you thought about using this as an opportunity to escape, but that would go against the unspoken rules of battle). He squinted his eyes to read the caller ID, only to heave a frustrated groan. “Bruce,” he curtly informed you. You were about to ask if he wanted some privacy, when he suddenly released you from his hold and sent you careening towards the ground. So, taking that as an answer, you scrambled off of the floor and headed towards your room, phone somehow materializing in your hand in the process.
From your room, the call sounded so faint.
… Maybe the walls weren’t as thin as you initially thought they were.
You let out a jet of hot air through your teeth. “The hell is taking him so long?”
The time was 3:50, but Dick’s old car was nowhere to be seen in your school’s parking lot. You shot hit a text 5 minutes ago that has yet to be read, and if you were being honest, you were more anxious than annoyed. Dick was never late to pick-up. Late to drop-off, sure (there was one time you showed up to school at 11:25 due to him sleeping in from a late-night drug bust, and you got the pleasure of making up an embarrassing excuse at the expense of Dick’s pride to the front office), but never pick-up.
So, this meant one of two things; he’s finally forgotten about you, or there’s an emergency.
Just as you were debating on checking the local news, your phone buzzed in your hand, screen lighting up to reveal a message from Bastard. You could feel your apprehension melting away as you unlocked your phone to read his message:
robbery going on
… Ah. That explains the spike in police siren activity going on around you.
You were about to shoot him a classic, “what the fuck” text, but his typing bubble popped up. After a second, another message followed:
gonna be late
Okay, now you decided to send your, “what the fuck.”
The read status under your text didn’t show up until a few minutes later (because that’s what you needed in this moment; more anxiety), and he immediately got to typing.
sorry kiddo
stay put
be there in a sec
Your shaky fingers managed to type him a message along the lines of, “be careful, good luck,” which was left unread by him. A snake of apprehension began to squeeze at your lungs, making it harder and harder to breathe. You had to force yourself to suck in a good bit of air to calm your nerves. Maybe he was just busy kicking some ass, that’s all. He’s stopping a whole-ass robbery from happening, so it’s not like he can keep up with your messages. Besides, he told you he would be there “in a sec,” so he’s probably wrapping everything up now.
Calm down, (Y/N), you scolded yourself. Your brother is Nightwing. He’ll be fine.
That’s when you witnessed an explosion light up the sky.
It was distant, but big enough to send a low rumble through the ground. You watched in absolute horror as the violent orange and yellow dissipated from behind the cityscape, leaving an inky trail of smoke behind as its calling card. More and more sirens of different origins — police, fire, ambulance — were overlapping in a terrible harmony, though it was hard to process from the brazen ringing in your ears, clogging your brain out from the outside world.
Oh, shit.
What if that was—?!
You desperately fumbled with your phone, unlocking it to reveal your still unread message to Dick. You were hoping for some sort of sorry about that text, or at the very least to see his typing bubble, but you were met with radio silence. Apprehension became pure fear when your thoughts began to race. Something bad happened to Dick. There’s no way in hell an explosion happened coincidentally, so something bad just happened.
Not good, not good, not good at all…!!
It took longer than you wanted to get your fingers to type something:
Dick??
Dick, you okay??
I saw that, are you okay??
Dick??
Dick??
… Nothing.
You resorted to calling him.
… Beeeeeeeeep…
… Beeeeeeeeep…
… Beeeeeeeeep…
“Come on,” you muttered. “Come on, come on, come on, pick up—!!”
… Beeeeeeeep…
…
“Hey, you’ve reached the voice mail of Dick Grayson, just shoot me a text and I’ll—”
You hung up.
This was bad. This was so bad. Something bad is happening, and you’re not even sure if Dick’s okay. Hell, you saw how big that explosion was. Is he even fucking alive?!
You couldn’t help but utter a watery, “no…”
You’re not going through this again.
Without a second to spare, your legs began to carry you forward in a full sprint. You weren’t exactly sure where the explosion went off, and it’s not like you’re all that familiar with Blüdhaven just yet to know where any possible candidates for a robbery could be, but you followed the smoke pillars like a beacon, gauging how close you were based on the surrounding sirens. People stood like statues on the sidewalks to ogle at evidence of destruction wafting through the sky, and no cars dared to run you over as you cut through the streets.
“Come on, Dick,” you said between huffs. “Please— please be okay..!!”
He had to be okay.
You couldn’t lose someone else in your life.
#❥ TW: YANDERE#❥ LIFE WITH OLDER BROTHER#❥ YANDERE CHARACTER#❥ PLATONIC YANDERE#❥ YANDERE DICK GRAYSON#❥ YANDERE DICK GRAYSON X READER
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Curiosity Killed the Exorcist
“And then, see here? You have to be on the lookout for subtle signs like these. This indicates that he’s…” Marinette nodded as Tim continued explaining, pointing out various body language and other clues out on the Batcomputer. It had only been about six months since the Batfam collectively adopted the little ladybug into their menagerie of heroes, and started teaching her deductive habits and skills. She would not allow them anywhere near Paris on pain of death (some of them had already tried, and Bruce was still recovering from the bruise to his ego. The bruise on his ass from being teleported out of the city and onto the stone of the Batcave was gone, though) but she welcomed any help they could give from within Gotham’s city limits.
Usually, at least in the beginning, they did their mentorship at a distance over video call. But then Tim found out her identity, and Marinette made the excuse of wanting to meet with them in person to gauge their trustworthiness for herself and erase their memories of her identity if they failed her test— and, well, it all snowballed from there until she was teleporting to the Batcave every few days for detective lessons. She was practically a Bat herself, if not for her out of theme codename. And she found herself surprisingly comfortable with the thought of them being a… very eccentric extended family.
Tim was flipping to another saved video in the Batcomputer archives to show another example of his current lesson, when Tikki flew up to Marinette in a hurry. She was holding Kaalki’s glasses. The little kwami whispered something in Marinette’s ear, instantly making the teen blanch and force on the glasses.
“Sorry Timmy, gotta cut this short! I’ll come back tomorrow to make up for it! Okay? Okay! Awesome, you’re the best, bye!” She ignored all of Tim’s protests and rapid fire questions, instead opening up a portal and jumping through it as fast as humanly possible. The portal has barely disappeared before an all-too-familiar voice rose up from behind Tim.
“Maybe I’m still drunk, ‘cause I could’a sworn I just saw a portal closing in the damned Batcave, of all places,” the British-accented drawl was accompanied by the flick of a lighter and accompanying fizzle of a flame. Tim groaned, mentally making a note to ask how in the world Marinette had known that John “Annoying asshole” Constantine was showing up soon, and if he could be in on the warning next time. Bruce, cowl still off, walked over from where he had been sparring with Damian and crossed his arms. He had also heard Marinette’s hasty exit, and made a few mental notes of his own before focusing on the exorcist in front of him.
“What do you want, Constantine?” he grumbled. Any time the blond brit showed up, things only got far more complicated than he ever enjoyed. And he always gave Bruce a migraine, to boot.
“Two things actually, Batsy,” John held up to fingers as his free hand tucked his lighter away in his pocket. His unlit cigarette stayed in his mouth though, probably just for the familiar feel of it. “One; I’m gonna need you to tell me why there was a portal closing when I walked in, because I’ll be honest. The implications there are way more interesting than what I came here for in the first place.”
“None of your business. What’s the second thing?” Bruce immediately shot him down, but John was not one to be deterred. He never fucking was.
“But you hate magic! You make sure I know that all too bloody well every time I pay you a visit, so why the sudden change in heart? Huh?”
“Drop it, Constantine. What. Do you. Want?”
“Fine, fine. I need your help with…”
— * — * — * — * — *
A week later, Marinette was sitting with Jason and Damian in one of the manor’s sitting rooms, the three of them just minding their own business and silently enjoying one another’s presence. Even if two of them would never admit it. Jason was reading Jane Eyre for the millionth time, Damian was leaning against Titus on the ground as he sketched, and Marinette was embroidering a sunhat. Unfortunately for her, Alfred the Cat was currently asleep on her lap and thus holding her hostage.
Even as Tikki flew up to her ear in a panic and whispered, making Marinette prick herself with her needle. She hissed for a second but shrugged off the familiar pain, much more concerned with whatever news Tikki had given her. Damian and Jason were already on high alert from the second that a whispered curse had left her lips, and were staring straight at her and her kwami and Marinette frantically tried to find a way to get up without awakening the cat sleeping on her.
“Uh, what’s wrong?” Jason asked, feeling thoroughly confused and left out. On one hand, he knew that if they were in physical danger she would have moved Alfred the Cat without hesitation. On the other, he did not like the sheer amount of anxiety he could see her experiencing. Marinette’s frantic eyes shot over to him, pupils mere pinpricks and hands mouth agape as she tried to form some sort of plan.
“Uh— “
“Ah! You must be the fair maiden that the Bats are comfortable with using magic around them,” John goddamned Constantine threw the door to the sitting room open wide, making it bounce off of the wall and lightly smack back against his shoulder. He ignored it as he grinned at the three younger people in the room, waltzing in casual as anything. He wagged a finger at her playfully. “I’ve been awfully curious about you, ya know? Brucie boy knows a shit ton of magic users, but he never likes seein’ any of us do our thing. And to not only allow you to teleport without any apparent discomfort but to actively protect your identity from me? Now that’s a damn accomplishment and I really gotta applaud you for it,” he mockingly clapped his hands a few times. “So what’s your secret, huh? I won’t tattle.”
“No thanks. Kaalki, a little help?” Marinette carefully pushed Alfred the Cat off of her lap before diving into the portal that Kaalki whipped up for her, the entire process happening so fast that Constantine couldn’t even get out a proper “hey!” before she was gone and the portal closed. He just nodded, hooking his thumbs in his pockets.
“Ya know what? Fair. That’s fair.”
“Goddamn it, Constantine!” Jason threw up his hands in frustration. “Why the fuck do you have to scare away one of the only sane people in this family?”
“Part of my charm, little red riding hood.”
— * — * — * — * — *
“You know, I’ve been pretty damn nice not teleporting right over to you whenever you disappear. So why don’t you just tell me why you’re avoiding me now that we happen to be in the same room by complete accident, huh?” John asked from where he sat in one of Bruce’s lounge chairs sipping on a beer. Marinette mimed choking him, clearly fed up. He had been trying to have a conversation with her for the past three months, ever since that one time he caught the tail end of her portal closing in the Batcave. Three. Long. Months. And he hadn’t given up, because something about this little Parisian teenager intrigued him. She was sixteen, that much he had gathered from the Bats. But to be sixteen and not only in possession of the Horse miraculous but also clearly the Ladybugs, since he had seen Tikki more than once as well, now that was interesting.
Anybody being in the possession of more than one Miraculous was already cause enough to be keeping an eye on them, which was why he had been keeping an eye on the Paris situation and had pieced together on his own that the presence of Tikki meant that this little parisian teenager was none other than Ladybug herself. Now, that? That was a whole new level of concerning, especially since he knew firsthand that the old Grand Guardian was gone and passed his title down to— yeah, Ladybug.
After that deduction, his interest in Marinette had swiftly switched from curiosity to fuck-I-need-to-know-what’s-going-on-here. Because no kid should have to deal with that kind of weight, and Constantine always looked out for kids when he could.
But right then, Marinette was glaring at him. She had been just coming over for a normal “family” dinner with the Waynes, which she attended from time to time. And apparently they had decided to have Constantine already over so that they could chaperone a meeting between them that would hopefully appease the stupid british magic user enough that he left them all alone again until the next time he needed help.
“Believe me when I say, you’d rather not know,” she replied sharply, glaring Dick. He was the one who had convinced her to come despite her recent close calls with Constantine in the past few days. He studiously avoided her gaze. “I just would rather not cross your path, and there’s no reason for us to interact. Why do you care, anyway?”
“You see, now that is an excellent question!” he chugged the last of his beer and gestured to her with the empty bottle. “Normally, I wouldn’t give a flying rat’s ass. But I’ve put two and two together, since I know who Tikki is,” he nodded to the red and black Kwami. “And maybe I just wanna keep an eye on the new Grand Guardian to make sure she’s doin’ alright. That’s an awful lot of magic and responsibility that you don’t deserve, but I’m not about to try to take it away. Keepin’ an eye on you is the next best thing.”
“Try again,” Marinette shot back, crossing her arms. “You were interested in me before you learned about me being Ladybug.”
“I’m nosy, what do you want me to say? I saw a portal in Batman’s man-cave, I get curious. Sue me.”
“Well. I have Bruce and everyone else already watching out for me, so you can leave me alone now. If I need your help, I’ll make sure to ask every other magic user first before contacting you.”
“Woah, now what’s all this venom for?”
“Uh, maybe we should go and actually eat dinner?” Dick tried to step in, hands up. Constantine had stood up from the chair he was in, which was usually a cue to change the subject as fast as possible. “Before Alfred has to come get us?”
“Maybe I’ll be less venomous if you let the subject drop and leave me alone!”
“Context would be nice, though.”
“Seriously guys, let’s go! Food!” Dick was once again ignored.
“Context is the last thing you need in this situation,” Marinette’s voice was suddenly soft, her arms dropping to her sides. “We’ve had this conversation so many times in so many now-deleted timelines. Just drop it this time.”
“If those timelines are now-deleted, then I obviously don’t remember what’s so bad about telling me why you’re acting like I’m some hated family member you’re avoiding!”
Silence.
Pure. Fucking. Silence. As they all watch with front row seats as Marinette flinches at the word ‘family’.
Pure silence as Constantine’s shoulders drop at the sight of her flinch, realization slapping itself on his face.
“No.”
“See? I fucking knew you would— that this would happen. This always happens, you always hate finding it out, but you’re so— so stubborn!” Marinette was blinking away tears, digging in her pockets and bringing out Kaalki’s glasses. “You’ll drop it now, at least. You always do.”
“Now what is that supposed to mean?” Constantine rubbed his forehead, still trying to sort through his amalgam of emotions. Marinette just shook her head, turning to Kaalki.
“Do you mind showing Monsieur Constantine the way out, Kaalki? I’ll grab you a load of sugar cubes afterward.”
“No, wait, hang on a second!”
A portal opened up under him, making John “Stubborn Idiot” Constantine drop ten feet down onto the hardwood, polished floor of his house. His bruised tailbone would take a while to heal, but his frazzled mind was by far the more concerning development. He staggered to his feet, reaching for the nearest bottle of tequila.
“Ugh, fuck my damn life.”
— * — * — * — * — *
“Marinette..?” Damian nudged the girl with his shoulder, frowning. It was after dinner that same day, and as much as he hated to admit it he had grown to actually like having her around. She was a good friend to have. And seeing her slumped back on one of their sofas, sketchbook covering her face and not a single rambling conversation to be had or heard? It was very concerning. She just made a groaning sound to answer him, prompting his frown to deepen. “Are you alright?”
“I just can’t believe that such a sweet, adorable thing like you is half made up of Constantine’s genes,” Jason mused bluntly from the opposite couch, where he tossed a rubber ball up and down out of boredom. “But now I see where you get all of your Disaster Bi-ness from.”
“Shut uuuuup,” She groaned, chucking her sketchbook at him. He caught it in midair, replacing his rubber ball with it and tossing it up and down in the air. “I’m just frustrated. This timeline is still perfectly stable, so I can’t erase it. And I can’t exactly ask ‘hey, can someone commit a horrid atrocity that makes this timeline split from the main one so that I can erase it and we can start over from four months ago?’ because that would be horribly irresponsible of me. But seriously, Jason. If you’re gonna ever commit, like, city-wise arson? I’d probably condone it right now if only so I have an excuse to use time travel to get out of this situation.”
“Not committing arson unless you give me a better reason for it, Pigtails.”
“Damn.”
“But are you okay?” Damian asked again, seeing as she had completely ignored him.
“I’m fine, Damian,” she finally sighed. “And I know how this is gonna go. He’s going to totally ignore me now, until we meet during some magical crisis and he only interacts with me when necessary. Then he pretends we never met, we have a private little one-sided whisper-argument about how he will never make a good father figure and I would be better off leaving him alone, blah blah blah. Avoidance is a coping mechanism I guess I inherited from him.”
“Guess it’s a good thing I’m trying to bite that in the bud then, eh?” Marinette startled out of her sitting position, seeing John stumble into the room…
Drunk off his ass. But apparently still at least mildly coherent.
“I agree with deleted-me’s, I’m not gonna be a dad. Not me,” he tripped, landing on his still-bruised ass and hissing in pain before continuing from the floor; “So if you’re looking for another Daddy dearest, that ain’t me.”
“See, I knew this is how you’d—”
“Let me finish,” he interrupted. “I don’t know how long the booze is gonna last and I need it’s courage here. ‘Kay? ‘Kay. Where was I? Right. But I know magic, ya know. The kind that doesn’t rely on little bobblehead gods to do. I got— like, a million books. Shit ton of books. At my place. Ya can read ‘em. My books. At my place. But I ain’t gonna parent, but I can lend ya books. Maybe give magic advice. Teach a little. Little bit. Didn’t think I’d have a child, but apparently I do and she’s the fuckin’ grand guardian and a damn hero, and I don’t know how the fuck I was able to help make someone like that. But whatever, it’s not like the world’s ever fuckin’ been easy on me,” He pulled out a sample-sized bottle of whiskey from one of the pockets on the inside of his trench coat and chugged it. After a brief wince and hiss at the burn, he kept rambling. “My door’s open, is what I’m tryin’ to say. No guarantee I’ll be in any state to talk to when you walk through it, but it’s open.”
Deciding to steadfastly ignore the tears streaming down her face, Marinette just swallowed thickly and nodded.
“I, uh. I think I can work with that.”
John barely made it to the nearby bin in time to vomit into it.
— * — * — * — * — *
I hate my imagination sometimes, guys. I started imagining a convo between Mari and Constantine at like 4am and it wouldn't leave me alone until I got it down. but by the time I wrote it, I kinda forgot like 60% of the original convo and just winged it. And this was born. I 100% blame @multifandomscribette because their Bio!dad John Constantine headcannons are amazing and even though this isn't in that universe, those headcannons are exactly what inspired this. So blame them, lol.
#dc x mlb#ml x dc#mlb x dc#maribat fanfic#maribat#maribat fic#miraculous ladybug x dc#bio!dad John Constantine
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Fic Tropes: Jason is a poor little meow meow who never did anything wrong and the Batfam are all mean, authorities thugs and or naïve idiots for not wanting him to go around beheading people and controlling crime.
So I apologize in advance if I misunderstood this ask! But I really struggled with answering this question. Because that's me! Isn't it? Thing is, I don't know!
Altogether those tropes are bad, because it, again, creates an over-the-top impression. Like abused genius baby Tim. But separately, or just carefully balanced... It could work.
Jason as poor little meow meow is, well, as popular as he's hated (by me, at least). Because yeah, our boy went through some shit, and then some more, and more and more yet. And it's honestly - fucking tragic, and I am attracted to this tragedy. But he's like. Giving as good as he gets, it's important imo.
At least, up until he doesn't.
And I might be misunderstanding PLMM as a trend, but I think I do write him like that. I have, I think, at least three fics where Bruce outright kills him? I remember a not-so-good reaction to one of it in particular because I didn't tag it with Major Character Death, even if he empathically does not come back. And I was like, huh, I really didn't tag it. It didn't occur to me, because Jason always dies.
Whether he did something wrong or not, is rarely in my focus. Who cares if you did something wrong when the one who kills you is your father, who is supposed to love you unconditionally? Who wouldn't even kill Joker? (that applies to some extent to fics where Bruce doesn't kill Jason, but they still are antagonistic; i.e. who cares if Jason murders the whole Earth, if, in an ideal world, it wouldn't matter to Bruce either; look, he's a hero, but he is also a father; as a hero, his responsibility to stop Red Hood. As a father, his responsibility is to support him. Yeah! It's not realistic to expect from Batman to support a murderer but! The murder, in this case, is a metaphor, okay)
And then we get to the second part of this trope: Batfam is mean. Yes, I love using this in short stories. Mostly because that's what Batfam stans themselves say: that they, their favorite characters, wouldn't be kind and accepting to Jason, because he's a murderer who's beheading people. Irrevocable differences.
Dick honestly wishes Jason died during his fight with Bruce;
Tim never thought Jason is his Robin, he thinks he's a loser;
Cass would never accept death as a matter of course;
Steph paid with her life for the right not to become a Red Hood of sorts;
Damian had to work to overcome his conditioning and redeem himself (which, a funny fucking premise, Damian's redemption; I would argue that he is not, in fact, at fault or has anything to redeem himself over; I hate the idea of him needing redemption) and so he wouldn't appreciate Red Hood who's still (kinda) how Damian was in the past.
They all will be mean to Jason in my fics because they're mean to him both in comics and in the collective consciousness of their fans.
Seriously, even if I don't look at it as a writer but as a reader, I will have far fewer issues with Batfam being mean vs Batfam welcoming him with open arms. It's not going to happen - it's not supposed to. Jason is passed that, and they, let's face it, were never looking at him charitably. Always seeing the worst of him, from Bruce to Alfred to Barbara to Dick. Which is the view that Tim, Steph, and Cass should have inherited via the stories they were told.
And basically, with Batfam honestly expecting the worst out of Red Hood and whether or not Jason meets their expectations, it's a great premise. For me, it's never about murder good vs murder bad. It's about the extent of family acceptance, and what you personally sacrifice of yourself to fit in. Will Batfam accept Red Hood? (no) Will Red Hood carve out a piece of himself to be accepted? (also no) Will they still remain a family? Were they ever a family? (...)
And this is, like, only one of the probable takes on the trope. Back to my short stories where Bruce just kills Jason and doesn't even realize it, it's honestly just that. A tear-jerker. Yes, not much literary merit to it. And people can, like, judge me about it but don't tell me it's unrealistic.
So my verdict: this is a trope that looks bad but could be good. Jason is a poor little meow meow, Batfam is mean.
If you balance the shit well and don't go over the top, you can pull that off.
Things that will put me off: Batfam not only mean but also morons (talk about unrealistic); OP Jason (he's good but he's not god-level, there have to be some limitations); moralizing (don't try to be Jason Todd's lawyer, please, he doesn't need it).
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Marry Me Part 2 (Final)
The morning after Damian proposed he went looking for his brother and stepmother. (She had a knack for finding beautiful jewels and Dick was a hopeless romantic and would kill him if he didn’t let him help.
“Grayson, Selina, I require your assistance with something and no it cannot wait.”
They both look up at him from the living room couch, watching the news.
“Where’s Marinette? You never come down without her.”
Selina looks behind him as if she was hiding behind his larger frame.
“She's still asleep and will remain that way until at least noon since she stayed up till an ungodly number calling her friends and family back in Paris, but that is not important now. (He says obviously irritated at her unhealthy sleeping schedule) Last night I may have made a spontaneous decision and need your help with the next step.”
Selina and Dick both look at him questiongly knowing damn well what he's talking about.
“Do you regret it?” (Dick)
“Did you get her pregnant?” (Selina)
Damian sputters for a moment his face turning red.
“The answer is no to both questions. Just get dressed and meet me outside.”
He walks away muttering about how Selina ‘has no sense of shame’ and how Dick ‘was an idiot to think he’d ever regret it’.
Dick and Selina both share a smile before getting ready and meeting an impatient Damian outside.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“I proposed to Marinette last night and I want your help picking out her ring.”
Damian immediately exits the car and heads inside as his brother and stepmothers excited squeals fill the air.
Soon after he starts browsing they both join him looking for the perfect ring to give to her.
After an hour of searching Damian looks up, waving both of them over.
“What about this one?
Selina comes over first, immediately nodding her approval.
“Oh yeah, a little subtle for my taste but Marinette will love it.”
Dick immediately agrees, cooing over how cute this whole thing is and tearing up that his ‘baby brother is going to get married and he will have little nieces and nephews running around in a few years’.
Damian completely ignores him calling over a worker to get the ring in the correct size before buying it. Walking out with the simple diamond ring with pink accents on both sides of the diamond in its velvet black box.
“Okay, before we get back home where you have access to your katana I need to tell you something.”
Damian pauses at the car turning to face his brother.
“I messed up really bad this time and I’m very sorry. I was snooping around last night trying to get pictures of you and Mari being all sweet together like I usually do, but Jason, Selina, and Tim all saw me at different times and decided to watch and take pictures and videos too. I posted a bunch of the pictures to what I thought was my private Twitter like I do when you two do something especially sweet, but it wasn’t my private one and I couldn’t tell because I was crying too hard. I’m really sorry, Damian.”
Dick sucks in a deep breath after his ramble refusing to look up and meet his little brother's eyes until a loud groan followed by a thud makes him.
Damian smacks his head against the roof of the car several times more before letting out another groan and looking at his favorite least annoying brother.
“You’re lucky that I’m still in too much of a good mood to want to kill you right now. Get in the car, I want to get back before Marinette wakes up and it's already around 10.”
Happily counting his blessings even though he's low-key terrified Dick hops in the back seat and lets Selina take the front.
The drive rather quickly and Damian wastes not time in running to his room where he left his Angel.
He breathes a sigh of relief noticing she's still very much asleep. Running back downstairs he makes her a plate of breakfast and grabs a platter to fill with food for all of the kwamis.
Rushing back up to the room he sets the tray on the nightstand before going over to her side, brushing some hair out of her face, making her grumble and burrow deeper into the covers in an attempt to stay asleep.
He laughs softly sitting down beside her stroking her cheekbone.
“Angel, wake up. I brought you breakfast.”
She grumbles, reaching out from the covers to wrap his arms around her waist and snuggling into his side.
“At least let me put the ring on you. I need to talk with Grayson anyway.”
She thrusts out her left hand, still refusing to open her eyes.
He sighs, sliding the ring on her left finger and placing a kiss to her forehead before standing up to leave.
“I love you, Habibiti.”
The following noise that is probably an ‘I love you too’ but could also be a ‘shut the door’ is the only response he gets before he goes to find his brother(s).”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Grayson, Todd, Drake, you three are fixing this entire internet mess that you started and that is final.”
Sounds of protest erupt from the room as he takes his leave to feed the animals.
“Hold up! Dickie-bird is the one who fucked up, why do we have to fix it?!”
Jason pulls him back by his hoodie, thoroughly pissing him off, to face them again.
“Because, Grayson would be too emotional and sappy and just humiliate himself and make the situation worse, Drake knows how to navigate the internet better than the rest of us and, you are always happy to talk about Marinette and I need you to keep Drake awake long enough to fix this.”
Jason nods his head accepting the explanation when Tim interrupts.
“And why can’t you do it?”
A smile that puts all three brothers on edge takes over his face.
“I have a wedding to plan.”
Followed by him immediately shutting the door and going about his chores.
BONUS:
*Marinette wakes up, eats breakfast and changes before noticing the new rind on her left finger*
Marinette: HOLY SHIT I’M GETTING MARRIED!
Marinette:JASON! JAY! I’M GETTING MARRIED!
Jason from down the hall: I KNOW! I WAS THERE WHEN HE PROPOSED!
*Marinette immediately calls her friends and family and start crying while Chloe, Adrien, Kagami, Alix, Kim, and Max all immediately buy plane tickets*
*Jagged cries and also buys plane tickets for him and Penny*
*Luka goes with Jagged*
BONUS 2:
*Two weeks before proposal*
*Marinette running to Jason (her self-proclaimed older brother) and jumping as he catches her*
Marinette: JAY!
Jason: PIXIE-POP!
*Damian groans setting her bag on the floor*
Damian: Must you two be so dramatic? You saw each other last month.
Jason: Piss off Demon Spawn! She's MY baby sister
*Cue pissed off and tired (because he was so excited to see Mari that he couldn’t fall asleep last night) Damian *
Damian: Yeah? Well she's MY wife
*Cue immediate pause and lots of blushing from aforementioned couple*
Damian: I meant fiancé!
Damian: NO! GIRLFRIEND! I meant GIRLFRIEND!
*Marinette exe. has stopped working*
*Damian rushes over and throws her over his shoulder*
Damian: I meant GIRLFRIEND, and you wipe that smile off your face Grayson!
*Damian runs to his room with Mari and eventually they fall asleep together while the batfam collectively loses their shit down stairs*
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guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.
For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell
fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one
i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft
that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you
tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again
as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams
jason: don't you dare put on weird shit
tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)
hear me out hear me out,
red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans
t h i g h s
holy shit yes.
SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe
superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'
does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom
it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.
I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?
as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)
somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.
and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!
babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence
babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to
JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT
again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song
The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian
oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag
soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"
i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage
Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?
don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)
What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk
stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.
This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it
This is canon now @nctxrejects
lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out
idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family
bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another
I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.
yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.
Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings
smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn
Duke was adopted by Bruce?
not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?
True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live
true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?
apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome
ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.
ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut
lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash
oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man
while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.
dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie
magnum hot take
hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth
thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)
why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???
what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones
oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no
I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked
yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends
"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years
i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.
BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them
lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.
I am in love with your posts your honour thank you
omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?
The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST:
1) clark
2) lois
3) oliver
4) dinah
5) john
Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian
yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.
tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.
and what about it?
when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST
oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat
Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes
lmao i do too
I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it
he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.
you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank
babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)
ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something
that's a very good vocabulary upgrade
somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”
steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.
Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you.
Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious
babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks
In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97
lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)
You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.
bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers
How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?
horrible, next question.
I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid
yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'
I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.
superman: so what do you do in your free time?
batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time
bruce and oliver be like
boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)
lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)
Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje
he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'
I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??
i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way
SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed
'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'
i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam
fair enough
#this is only like half of it#but at least you can get like a few answers#yanno fuck it#bataranswers#ask#asks#anon
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Batfam Alphabet: L - Language
Summary: Jason doesn’t hesitate to drag his brothers down with him when Bruce starts reprimanding him about the type of language he uses on a daily basis.
Enjoy! :D
“Well this is just a load of bullshit! Why do they have to intervene? We’re perfectly capable of handling this.” Jason huffs and crosses his arms over his chest as he leans back in his chair. He can’t believe what he's hearing.
On the opposite side of the table Bruce levels him with a hard look. “Watch your language Jason.”
Jason blinks before sitting up straight. “What, it’s not like the kid is currently around to overhear."
“Jason!”
Glaring at the man, Jason scowls. This seems to be a regular topic of conversation between them recently because according to Bruce Jason swears too much, especially when he’s around Damian. The man, for whatever reason, wants Jason to be a good role model for the kid and apparently that includes him not swearing.
So now anytime he swears, Bruce points it out with a matching scolding tone and expression.
It’s a ridiculous notion because Jason being who he is was brought up with swearing, living on the streets for so many years exposed him to all kinds of things, one of which being the language people use. Swearing is just part of his vocabulary, half of the time he isn’t even aware he is doing it. As long as he’s not swearing at someone, then surely there should be some leniency.
“Oh come on!” He exclaims with a wave of his hands. “He’s been raised as an assassin, he was already tainted before we even met. Me saying a few words isn’t doing any harm.”
Before Bruce could respond a new voice joins the conversation. “To be fair you do swear a lot. Maybe you should try and tone it down.”
Jason turns to his right to glare at his older brother who’s lounging comfortably next to him. “Oh fuck off, Dick, no one asked for your opinion.”
Dick stares back unimpressed, he raises both eyebrows as if to say, “really?”
Jason recalls what he said and grits his teeth.
He points menacingly at Dick. “That doesn’t prove anything. Quite frankly I grew up in Crime Alley, of course I’m gonna swear, you hear it every minute in that place and typically as a kid you’re gonna pick up the habit. You know what they say old habits die hard.”
“Just like you did?” A different voice retorts with a snort.
Jason switches his gaze to Tim, who is opposite him next to Bruce currently playing with his phone, and blinks at him in surprise. “Uh, excuse me? I don’t know whether to be insulted or proud by that.”
It’s usually only him who makes death jokes so it’s come as a surprise to find Tim making one, a well-timed one too. Jason shakes his head, he’ll deal with those emotions at another time.
“Anyway, if we’re talking about who swears too much then why aren’t you giving Tim a lecture? He swears like a bloody sailor. If anyone needs reprimanding on his language it’s him!”
Tim abruptly stops fiddling with his phone and looks up, he rolls his eyes and glowers at him. “Jesus Christ that’s so immature Jason. How old are you, 10? I’m no way near as bad as you.”
His response gets a gleeful chuckle out of Jason. He knows exactly how the next few minutes are about to play out and he can’t wait. While the focus of the conversation had been on him, he’s glad for the opportunity to move it onto someone else and Tim happens to be perfect for the new spotlight.
Without any hesitation Jason digs into his pocket and grabs his phone. Once he has the device in hand he starts searching for the video he has saved for this very purpose. Call him petty, but he knew it would be good blackmail material one day.
“Oh really?” He drawls out, finally finding the video he had been looking for, “then what do I have here…” Jason clicks play and puts it on speaker so everyone in the room would be able to hear the audio.
After a second the sound of Tim’s voice could be heard. The teenager was clearly angry about something and certainly wasn’t holding back from letting his anger be known through his choice of words.
“You bloody bastard, why won’t you work you piece of shit. By god this is pissing me off now, I’ve been at this all fucking day and you’re still not fucking working. I am going to kill…”
The recording lasts for about a minute and is filled with Tim swearing his head off, cursing at everything and everyone and making empty threats. Once it’s finished Jason turns his phone off, puts it back in his pocket and leans back in his chair feeling smug about the situation.
“I rest my case.”
His words are met with a stunned silence in the room. Tim is blushing hard with his head buried in his hands. Next to him Bruce looks concerned, probably for Tim’s mental health and wellbeing. Dick’s staring at Tim with shock spread across his features.
After a few beats Tim lifts his head from his hands but keeps his eyes down staring at the table so he could avoid everyone’s eyes. “Okay in my defence the technology was really piss–annoying me. It wouldn’t work and I couldn’t work out why so I got frustrated and that happened.”
His response makes Jason snort and causes Dick to shake his head in disbelief. He knew Tim could be feisty but until that moment he never realised how bad his temper could get. Jason’s honestly impressed. However that doesn’t mean he’s letting Tim get away with it, especially when he’s getting blamed for something Tim does just as much of as him.
If he's going down then he’s dragging Tim down with him. It’s just unfortunate that he doesn’t have anything on Dick.
Jason’s broken out of his thoughts on ways he could get blackmail material on Dick when Tim speaks up again. He’s finally looking up at everyone though his still flushed face shows his prior embarrassment.
“Let’s be honest, is swearing really all that bad? As long as we’re not swearing at people then I think it’s fine. We’re not harming anyone. Who cares if we swear a little too much. And anyway, doesn’t everyone swear at some point?”
“Clark doesn’t.” Dick pipes up next to him.
Jason snorts. “That’s because big blue is a boy scout, of course he isn’t going to swear. He doesn’t count. Plus we’re from Gotham after all, it’s not like this is the most impeccable place in the world.”
Dick becomes thoughtful, humming his response. “Yeah that’s true I guess.”
“Boys.”
The three brother’s all turn and look at Bruce who had called for their attention. Jason had forgotten the man was even there, he had surprisingly been quiet until now. Maybe it’s because Clark was brought into the conversation, it must have peaked his interest. Jason files that information away for later.
“It doesn’t matter how much any of you swear, you shouldn’t do it at all. Damian is still young, he doesn’t need to grow up listening to that sort of language despite his initial upbringing.” Bruce firmly says, looking at each of them in turn. “You all know better and have good manners, going forward I expect you to use them.”
As Bruce rattles on about proper manners and the importance of them, Jason finds himself resisting the urge to smile. With every second that passes, it threatens to break out on his face. What makes matters worse is that he knows he shouldn’t smile, this isn’t a smiling matter considering how serious Bruce is being but the man is making it difficult to concentrate and to take the topic seriously.
Jason glances to the right to find Dick staring at Bruce with a hand covering the lower part of his face and Jason can tell that his brother is in the exact same boat as he is.
Apparently all it takes for him to break is Dick to glance at him and for them to make eye contact.
After that Jason couldn’t help himself but to burst out laughing, next to him Dick also breaks out into a fit of giggles. They laugh for a good while until they’re able to start calming down, by that point Jason’s cheeks are hurting and he even had tears forming in his eyes. As he takes a deep breath to compose himself he makes the mistake of looking over at Dick again, Dick looks back at him too and just like that they fall into another uncontrollable laughing fit.
While laughing Jason gets a glimpse of a confused looking Tim and a disappointed Bruce, but it’s Bruce’s scowling expression that triggers off another wave of giggles.
It takes even longer for the two of them to calm down. As he sits there Jason repeatedly takes deep breaths in order to collect himself. Once he’s calmed down a little, now able to breathe somewhat normally, he could feel how his sides are aching, how his cheeks hurt from the wide smiling and the tears coming from his eyes. He can’t remember the last time he laughed so hard that it hurt, and over something so trivial nonetheless.
When it feels like he’s finally composed himself he risks a glance at Dick to find his brother also in the state of calming down though there’s still a wide grin on face. He then looks at Bruce who is still staring at the two of them with his disappointed look. That’s almost enough to set himself off again. Almost.
“If you’re both quite done, we have important business to discuss, may I remind you that being the reason we’re meeting to begin with.”
“Hey, you’re the one who started on the whole language topic that derailed us in the beginning.” Jason defends himself and his brother’s. All Bruce does is huff at that, knowing Jason is right and can’t defend himself against it otherwise. Jason smirks victoriously.
Opposite him, Tim sighs loudly and makes a show to sitting up straight and sorting out some of the paperwork between them all on table. “Enough already, can we just go over the details and the police reports again and get to the end of this. I have better things to do than hear everyone bicker about language and manners.”
Dick gives the youngest a side look. “What you got planned? Is that who you were messaging just now? Is it your boyfriend?”
“What? No. Just friends. I ain’t telling you.” Tim snaps glaring at Dick.
Jason whistles. “Timmy’s getting some tonight then eh? Make sure to stay safe and use protection.”
“Jason!”
“Well he’s not wrong Tim, but where are you going? We need to know so if something happens we know where to look first.” Dick’s looking more concerned by the minute and Jason could see the flip switch from carefree older brother to over-bearing mother hen.
Tim blinks at them before turning his gaze to Bruce. In a whining voice he pleads the man, “Bruce, get them to stop!”
To begin with all Bruce does is run a hand over his face like he’s regretting every life choice he’s made and how he would rather be anywhere else but here. After a moment he sends exasperated looks at his eldest sons.
“Not much more to go, then we should be all caught up and ready to proceed with the case further tomorrow. Is it too much to ask for your full attention for the remaining hour?”
Jason sighs and sits up straighter, knowing play time is over and it’s time to be serious. One more hour won’t hurt, then afterwards there’s nothing stopping him from having a little fun is there. He nods at Bruce and picks up the piece of paper closet to him to examine the page. Dick does the same and finally Bruce proceeds with their meeting.
#batfam alphabet#batfamily#Jason Todd#bruce wayne#dick grayson#Tim Drake#humour#lots of swearing#probably more than necessary#Brotherly Love#sibling relationship#annoying siblings#Petty Jason#this got away from me#i don't know what happened#tired dad bruce#fanfiction
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more batfam fanfic recs bc uhhh i want to
A Cure for Insomnia by WrongLeverKronk
It was just past midnight when Tim stood before Jason’s door with a purple Afghan wrapped tightly around his shoulders and his bare toes curled under him. In the late hour, he didn’t bother knocking and risking waking everyone up, so he grasped the cold knob and twisted it to open the door. The lump under the covers with dark hair resting on top of the pillow proved Jason was turned away from the door and facing the far window instead. The wood floor creaked under the balls of his feet and he leapt to the soft rug next to his bed to avoid making further noise.
“No Tim, you can’t sleep in here tonight,” Jason muttered without turning around and facing him. Tim jumped slightly at the noise, expecting (and hoping) to silently slip into Jason's bed without waking him up.
(Or: A growing-up together AU because I am in love with that stuff)
my bias toward baby bats shines through once again. this fic is adorable ;-;
If the night is long (here's my lullaby) by ura_nium
Dick comes out of their nightly patrol a little worse for wear, and Bruce just needs him to rest and get well. But his three other sons have other plans.
and heres another baby bats fic because i'm that addicted. this is dick's robin run if the other robins were adopted
Redecorating Equals Feelings by RedHeadedWoman
Jason has decided to move back into the Manor at least part time (or so he says) but there's just one problem. His bedroom has not changed since before everything so now he has to redecorate it with some help from his crazy as hell family.
Jason was going to regret this. So very much.
holy shit the fluff. oh my god its so fucking fluffy holy shit. hholy shit
those few summer days by wearealltalesintheend
"An entire week away from Bat-related stuff, it's all Jason wants.
Just one week. That’s not asking too much.
It’s pretty reasonable, if you ask him.
And yet.
And yet."
or, alternatively, one does not simply walk into Spain, peer pressure is a real danger, and catching a plane to Yemen might have been preferable to this.
day 1 of Batfam Week: Vacation.
this fic is really funny and i keep coming back to it so here you go
the curse of cousin Chad by Poteto
Tim Drake's only wish is for people to stop talking about Red Robin on the news (and a monkey's paw finger curls somewhere as Chad Wayne shows up in their lives.)
You probably need to read the first fic in this series but both of these fics are equally hilarious but i'm in love with batfam vs. normal people
press by nex_et_nox
press, noun: 1. newspapers or journalists viewed collectively; coverage in newspapers or magazines. 2. forcefully put forward (an opinion, claim, or course of action); make strong efforts to persuade or force (someone) to do or provide something.
Cass likes hanging out with her brother, Steph likes hanging out with her best friend and her best friend's brother, Bruce really wants his son to join the family again, and the paparazzi are collectively Sirs and Mesdames Constantly-Referenced-But-Never-Actually-Appearing-In-This-Fic.
jason is Forcibly Dragged back into the family with the power of cass
Give Me Your Armor by Ellegrine
No place is ever truly safe. Even knowing that, Damian feels safe in Wayne Manor. It has nothing to do with Grayson's presence.
dick and damian care about each other ;-;
#POV: procrastination#batfam#fic rec#batfam fic rec#batfamily#batman#dc comics#batman fanfiction#dc#dcu#bruce wayne#dick grayson#cassandra cain#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#alfred pennyworth#batkids
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