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once-upon-an-imagine · 1 year

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Absolutely - Spencer Reid

A/N: I have absolutely NO idea where this came from and I know nobody asked for it but here it is xD number two of the story winners :) depending on how this story goes I might reopen the Criminal Minds fandom :D and I also want to thank @mycobrakai1972 so much for your help, love :)

Warnings: Spencer being an asshole (so he may be a bit OOC and it’s just in the beginning, but he apologizes :D) the reader stutters when she’s nervous and I think that’s it but always please let me know if I missed anything!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Criminal Minds :D gif isn’t mine :)

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Absolutely

This is the story of a girl Who cried a river and drowned the whole world And while she looks so sad in photographs I absolutely love her... when she smiles

It had all started as a shitty day.

"Good morning, Spencer" you smiled when he walked inside the break room.

"Morning" he replied, grumpily, making his way over to the coffee maker.

"Are you okay?" you asked, worried. It wasn't like Spencer to come in late. And you knew that if he was late, most likely he hadn't had breakfast. And you knew that if he hadn't had breakfast, it meant he had a headache.

"Yeah, I just have a headache" he confirmed your suspicion, pouring his coffee with sugar.

"Um... maybe you should eat something instead?" you suggested, knowing by experience that coffee would only make the headache worse and wondering if this was something that he should know, being a genius and all, or he simply didn't care. "I brought some banana muffins if you'd like one" you offered, grabbing the plate of muffins.

"I'm not hungry, thanks" he muttered, ignoring the grumble on his stomach. He loved your banana muffins.

"Oh, okay" you said, making Spencer feel slightly bad when your smile dropped. He had never declined one from you. "I also have some aspirin on my desk if you need-"

"I'm fine" he smiled firmly at you.

"Um, wait" you said before he could leave. You felt a little bad when you heard him sigh frustrated, but you still tried to smile at him. "Sorry, um... would you mind getting my mug down for me? Please?" you asked, pointing at the top shelf where he saw your mug. Spencer didn't say anything, but he placed his mug on the counter before he reached for yours and handed it to you.

"Why do you always put it on the top shelf?" he asked annoyed, not really waiting for a response as he left the room before you could even tell him it wasn't you who put it there or before you could even thank him.

You sighed, making yourself some coffee before you walked over to your desk, next to Spencer. He silently watched you offer the banana muffins to Derek, in front of you, and the rest of the team quickly came to get one. He heard his stomach grumble again. He didn't know why he had turned you down. He just wasn't in a good mood and really didn't want you to see him that way. He brushed it off, thinking maybe he could get one from you later, once his headache was over. Which was obviously getting worse with his coffee. But he knew it would pass.

Except it didn't. It had to be one of those long, horrible days filled with nothing else than boring paperwork. Morgan came over every ten minutes to go over something on his paperwork when Spencer fully knew it was because he wanted him to do it for him. He was too tired and fatigued to argue with him, so he would just correct what was needed and hand it back to him.

"Thanks, kid" Derek smiled, walking away from him. He had noticed you looking at him from time to time, but you quickly looked away when you were caught. "Hey, pretty girl" Spencer saw Derek walk over to you. "Is it okay if I take the last muffin?" he asked, pointing at the plate that only had one muffin left.

Spencer felt his leg shaking. He wanted to walk over there and said he didn't get a muffin earlier (skipping the part of you offering them to him before anyone else) and grab that last muffin. But he didn't. He saw you looking at him and he quickly went back to his work.

"Um... sure" he heard you say shyly as you looked back at Derek. "I don't think anyone else wants it" you replied.

"Thanks, doll. You're the best!" Morgan said, grabbing it, and walking away to the break room.

By lunchtime, everyone had picked up on Spencer's foul mood and had been avoiding him like the plague. It was unusual for the young genius to be so grumpy. But you imagined that him being late and disrupting his entire routine, not having had anything to eat, having a headache, and having to fix Morgan's mistakes, he was bound to explode at some point. Which is why everyone seemed to be tip-toeing around him.

When Penelope asked if you wanted to come to lunch with her and Morgan, you declined, saying that you were behind on your paperwork, which was a lie. You were almost done, and you wanted to help Reid with his since, you noticed he was actually behind, which was another odd thing to happen. But you could tell he wasn't being able to concentrate since he would press his hand to his forehead every few minutes, which meant his headache was getting worse. Once the bullpen was empty, you carefully approached Spencer and placed your hand on his shoulder, making him jump on his chair.

"Sorry, sorry, I... didn't mean to scare you" you apologized. "I just... wanted to know if you... um-"

"Yes?" he asked annoyed.

It was like you were delaying him on purpose. But in your head, this was your chance to get him to go to lunch with you. And maybe he could eat something, relax and you can give him the surprise you had brought for him.

"Would you want to go to have lunch with me? I n-noticed you haven't eaten anything a-and-"

"I can't. I need to finish this" he simply said, feeling even worse because of how deflated you became.

"Oh, well, I'm a-almost done with mine. I can help you i-if you'd like and just grab some sandwiches from-"

"That's okay. I can handle it" he told you.

"Oh, I d-didn't mean that-"

"Seriously, you should just go to lunch" he said, looking at you in a way he hadn't before. You felt a small pain in your heart and you decided to drop it.

"Um... o-okay" you said nervously. You walked over to your desk and opened your first drawer to take out a package of cookies. You at least had to try to get some food in him. "Hey, Spence, did you know that Fig Newtons are named after a town in Massachusetts and not after the scientist?" you asked with a small smile, walking back to him. Your smile instantly fell when he glared at you. He actually glared at you.

"Yes, I knew that" he lied. That was probably one of the very few things he didn't know. And he actually found it really interesting.

"Oh" you chuckled sadly. Of course, he knew. He's a fucking genius. "I just... thought it was an interesting fact" you muttered, placing the cookies on his desk. "Take a break and eat something, okay?"

You were gone before he could say anything else. Leaving him alone with the package of cookies in his hand.

The day was almost over. This was going to be your best opportunity. You opened your bottom drawer and saw the neatly wrapped book you had gotten for Spencer. He had barely acknowledged you for the rest of your shift. And now, that everyone else was gone, it was your last chance.

You saw Spencer coming back from the breakroom with his probably fifth cup of coffee and you noticed he didn't even wave goodbye to Emily and JJ who were just leaving. You took a deep breath and tried to convince yourself that this was still a good idea. You grabbed the gift, stood up, and slowly made your way towards his desk.

"Hey, uh, Spence-?" You startled him, making him jump a little and his coffee got on his shirt and some of the papers that he was working on. "Oh, my God! I'm so sorry, I-"

"What? What could you possibly need now?" he snapped, not even looking at you as he grabbed some napkins to clean himself and his desk up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Oh no, of course you didn't. This is just classic of you. I mean, things just sort of happen around you and it's never your fault" he said, upset.

"S-Spencer, I get that you're upset, b-but I was just t-trying to-"

"Do you? Do you really get it because it doesn't seem that way! You have tried to annoy me all day!" he said, making your heart break into a million pieces. Spencer had never talked to you like this, or anyone else for that matter. His voice was full of anger. "Everyone else seemed to notice that I just wasn't in the mood to talk, but not you. Of course, you would still be here, trying to get my attention on something! You were really too much today! I just wanted to be left alone but you refused to just give me some peace! You can't just take a hint when you're being a lot, can you?"

The second the words left Spencer's mouth he felt like complete shit. He had no right to talk to you like that. Especially when you had tried all day to be nothing but nice to him. And when he turned around to face you and was ready to apologize, his heart shattered into a million pieces when he saw the wrapped present in your hands. You remembered. He was certain that everyone had forgotten. But not you. And he had just yelled at you. The look in your eyes was so broken, if anyone else had spoken to you that way, he would instantly want them dead. But it had been him. He had caused you that pain. Spencer could swear he saw the second the light in your eyes stopped. The light that was always there when you looked at him and now it was shut down. And it was all his fault.

"I j-just... uh-" you stuttered, something that Spencer hadn't seen you do in a very long time. "I w-was g-going to ask if you uh- n-nevermind" you said, quickly looking away from him and begging that the tears wouldn't fall from your eyes. "I'm s-sorry" you said, making him feel sick to his stomach. You were sorry. He snapped at you, and you were saying sorry. "Happy birthday, R-Reid" Reid. Not Spencer. Reid. You quickly placed the gift on his desk and left as fast as you could not noticing Spencer sighing and hitting his desk out of frustration. He was an idiot.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The next day, Spencer was the first one to come in. His leg kept bouncing up and down as he eyed your empty desk, waiting for you to arrive. However, he was interrupted when Penelope burst into the bullpen, heading out straight for Spencer's desk and making a fuzz about forgetting his birthday. She apologized endlessly and insisted that the whole team had to go out that night to make it up to him even if Spencer kept on insisting it wasn't a big deal.

He missed your entrance because everyone was surrounding his desk but he noticed when Penelope turned around to walk over to you.

"Hey, my favorite sugar plum" she smiled at you. "We're taking Spencer out to dinner because of his birthday" she explained. "Are you in?"

Spencer felt his heart racing, waiting for your answer. He desperately wanted you to come. Some part of him still hoped that you could forgive him for his previous behavior even though he knew he didn't deserve it.

"Oh" you smiled wearily and quickly looked in Spencer's direction. "I'm uh- I'm s-sorry, I can't t-today" you lied.

"Why not?" Penelope demanded. "This might be your chance to finally ask him out" she whispered so only you would hear.

"Yeah... I decided n-not to do that, Pen" you said, sadly. "I really d-don't think he's interested."

"Wait, did something happen?"

"No" you quickly said. "N-nothing happened I just... think it's best if I m-move on, you know? I'm gonna go get some coffee" you said, walking away before she could press into the matter any further.

Penelope turned to look at Spencer, who quickly pretended he wasn't just looking at that entire interaction and stood up to follow you.

"H-hey."

Spencer's voice startled you as you stood on the counter trying to reach for your mug. Because you jumped a little, you miscalculated where you placed your foot, making you stumble, miss the counter, fall to the ground, and hit your head.

"Shit!" you muttered under your breath.

"Oh my- shit!" he said, walking closer to you and kneeling down to help you. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine" you said, bringing your hand up to your forehead.

"Why were you on the counter?" Spencer asked confused.

"D-Derek keeps putting my m-mug on the top shelf" you explained, making Spencer feel bad for thinking that it was you who placed it there so he would have to help reach for it.

"How do you know it's him?"

"I just heard him laugh about it with uh- Emily" you said as he helped you up.

"Well, that's mean, why don't you ask him to-?"

"It's fine, S-uh-Reid" you corrected yourself, missing the pain in Spencer's eyes when you didn't call him by his first name. "He only does it so-" you stopped midsentence. You know Derek did that so you would have to ask Spencer for help. They were all in on it. Even Hotch. You were sure. "N-nevermind" you finished.

"Um-" he said awkwardly before he easily reached out for your mug and offered it to you. "Here."

"Thank you" you said, quietly. You then moved over to make your coffee, hoping that Spencer would leave, but of course, he didn't.

"Um- listen, I wanted to apologize to you" he said, making you look back at him.

"You don't have to apologize, R-Reid" you told him.

"Yes, I do" he insisted. "I'm sorry I snapped at you" he said.

"Look, you were stressed, I g-get it. It happens. Honestly, don't worry about it. It's fine-" you said, trying to walk out of the break room, but he blocked your way.

"No, it's not fine" he told you. "While I appreciate you understanding that I was stressed, I still had no right to talk to you that way" he said, quietly. "Or said what I did-"

"It's o-okay" you insisted. And then, you said something that broke Spencer's heart even worse than it already was. "It's not like you're the f-first person to say it. I get it. I can be a lot" you told him.

Spencer was an excellent profiler. Everyone knew that. So, of course, he saw the way you were trying to brush it off as a casual comment. But your eyes were your biggest tell. And he knew that he had struck your weak spot.

"Hey, kids" you were grateful to hear Rossi coming in. "We got a new case. Conference room. Now" he instructed. Spencer sighed and looked at you before he walked out of the break room. "You okay, kid?" David asked, looking at you.

"Yeah" you nodded with a small smile. "Thank y-you."

"Don't mention it" he winked at you as you both made your way out and to the conference room.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The first thing Spencer noticed about the change in your behavior was your stutter. When you started in the BAU, this was the first thing he noticed about you. When you were so nervous to even speak out loud. He also noticed how it lessened once you started feeling more comfortable with the team.

And now, it was back. Not only that but because it was back, you became remarkably more silent. Because he knew this was something you didn't particularly like about yourself. He realized he hadn't paid as much attention to you as he should have. Because he had never really asked you about it, assuming you didn't like talking about the subject.

Also, now that you were not sitting next to him, as you usually did, it was the first time he noticed the way you took notes in your notebook. He saw that you took notes with different colors depending on which one on the team had made the observation. He wasn't sure if each color meant something to each person but he did see that his notes were purple and he wondered if it was a coincidence or if you knew that this was his favorite color.

On the flight, he noticed how quiet you were and that you did not talk unless you were spoken to. Mostly when Hotch would ask about your opinion on something, but other than that, you would only scribble away in your notebook. It killed him. He realized how much your input and your thoughts meant to him. You often participated a lot more even if it was just adding to someone else's comment. But now, it was as if you were almost afraid to speak again. And he knew it was his fault. And he also knew that he wasn't the only one who noticed.

The thing that surprised him the most was when you arrived to interrogate the family of the unsub's latest victim. While Emily and David went to the crime scene, Hotch assigned JJ and Derek to talk to the husband, Spencer and you were assigned to her son. When the kid's father informed you that he was deaf, you smiled kindly at him to let him know that you knew ASL. Spencer looked at you, surprised. He had no idea that you knew sign language. He turned to look at Hotch, who only nodded, meaning he probably knew and that's why he had assigned you to talk to the kid, and he followed you.

He watched you interact with the small scared boy who was about eight years old. Spencer saw his anxious face as the two of you entered the room and walked closer to him.

You knelt down to his level and placed your hand on the table, making him look up at you and you smiled kindly at him.

"Hello" you signed to him before spelling your name while also saying the words so Spencer would understand you. Spencer could tell you somehow felt more relaxed for some reason. "This is Dr. Reid" she introduced him. Spencer saw the boy look quickly at him and then back at you signaling quickly. You chuckled lightly. "No, he's a different kind of doctor" you informed him. "What's your name?" Spencer saw the young boy nervously sign his name and you smiled sweetly at him. "Luke?" you signed back. "Like Luke Skywalker?" you said, making a bright smile appear on the small boy who nodded happily. "You know, he was my favorite character in Star Wars. Dr. Reid made me watch them all" you signed to him.

"I did not" Spencer complained.

"Luke, do you mind if Dr. Reid and I ask you a few questions?" you signaled, ignoring Spencer's comment. Luke then signaled something to you that made you laugh, and it made Spencer realize how much he had missed your laugh. And he couldn't remember the last time you laughed with him.

"What?" he asked, curiously.

"He likes that your socks are different" you informed him, making Spencer smile at Luke.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Realistically this had been one of the shortest cases the team had in a very long time. Thankfully, you were able to catch the unsub on time, and in a couple of days, you were on the jet back home.

But for Spencer, this had felt like the longest case in his career. For some reason, it hadn't dawned on him, until now, how big was your part in his life. He had easily grown accustomed to you being there. Sitting next to him, talking to him about the latest movie you watched or the book he had recommended for you to read. Asking him to teach you to play chess. You were always there for him. He was only now acknowledging how much you actually meant to him. And he had screwed everything up.

"You haven't talked to her yet?" Spencer was snapped out of his thoughts by David, who sat next to him and he looked at him briefly before his eyes traveled back to you.

You were sitting by yourself in the back of the jet, with your headphones on. Aside from him and David, you were the only one that was awake. Even Hotch was at least resting his eyes, which rarely happened.

"She uh-" he cleared his throat. "She doesn't want to talk to me" he said sadly. "And I don't blame her" he told David.

"Well, that's where you apologize, genius" David informed him.

"You don't think I've tried?"

"That day in the break room? That was it?"

"Well, I just..." he sighed. "I don't even know what to tell her anymore. It's like she's a completely different person now" he said.

"So... this whole genius thing, does it not work when it comes to women?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're just realizing this. Now?"

"Realizing what?"

"That you're in love with her" David pointed out.

"What? I'm not- huh-" he chuckled. "I'm not in love with her... am I?"

"You tell me, kid. You're the one that has not been able to stop thinking about her and is desperately trying to get her to forgive you for... whatever it is you said to her" he explained.

"Yes, because it's the right thing to do. I upset her" Spencer said, trying to be logical.

"Yes, but you already apologized once. If it were me, or Hotch, or, Emily, would you still feel the need to apologize to us?"

"I've never said anything that hurtful to either of you. Or to anyone really" he insisted. "And the worst part is that she was just trying to be nice to me. She was the only one that remembered my birthday and all day she had tried to make me feel better" he explained.

"Well, that's what people do for the people they love" David told him.

"W-what?"

"You didn't know that either? You know, I'm starting to doubt if this whole genius is actually true" he laughed, making Spencer glare at him a little.

"She doesn't love me" he insisted. "We're just friends!"

"Uh-huh, so that's the only reason why she's always reading the books you recommend or watching the movies or the shows you like, so she has something to talk to you about" he started. "Or learning new fun facts to tell you about. And did you know that she's actually a really good baker? But for some reason, she only brings banana muffins into the bullpen. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe the first time she brought them in, you casually mentioned that they were your favorite" he explained.

And suddenly, everything made sense to Spencer.

"Why didn't I realize this before?"

"My guess? You took it for granted" Rossi shrugged.

"Well, what do I do now? I just started noticing things that I didn't before. I didn't even know she knew sign language and she..." he looked at you with his eyes filled with sorrow.

"She started stuttering again" David pointed out, making Spencer look down at his lap, sadly. "Do you know why she stutters? Or why she knows ASL?"

"No" Spencer admitted.

"Well, you can maybe start by... asking her" David suggested.

"But isn't that intruding on her personal life?"

"Or... maybe... she would feel like you're finally taking an interest in her" he told him. "You know, as she has been with you all this time" he instructed, grabbing his book and going back to the page he had marked.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Hold the elevator!"

After landing, the team still went to the office to finish the case's paperwork. This time, Spencer was the first one to finish, while you were the last one. But he waited until you grabbed your things and made your way out. You held the door of the elevator, cursing a little at yourself for not letting it just close as Spencer walked inside.

"Hi" he said, with a small, awkward wave and you smiled at him. But it wasn't the same smile you always had whenever you saw him and it broke his heart.

"Hi" you said, quietly.

"Did you get to finish all your paperwork?" he asked and you simply nodded. "At least we have to morrow off" he smiled. "Do you have any plans?"

"Um... I don't know" you replied silently, looking down at your hands. Spencer felt a small pain in his heart. You were shutting him out.

"Could you please... look at me?" he said softly, waiting for you to do so but you kept your eyes on your legs. "Look, I am extremely sorry for what I said to you" he stated.

"It's f-fine-"

"No, it's not fine" he insisted before he pressed down the 'Stop' button and the elevator jumped a little before it completely came to a halt.

"S-Spencer, what are you doing?" you asked. He had no idea, but he was back to Spencer so he was not backing up now. "Don't you hate confined spaces?"

"Yes, I'm not particularly fond of them since I got stuck in one with Derek and-"

"Spencer!"

"Sorry, not the point! I need to talk to you, okay? I know you said it was fine but, what I said to you is it's not fine! Firstly, because I was an enormous jerk to you when you were only trying to make me feel better" he continued. "But mostly, because what I said wasn't true. It wasn't true at all! I know what being called something like that feels like. I know you've noticed how everyone reacts when I start rambling about my facts and you always listen to them and even ask me some questions about it even if you are not interested in them. And not just that day but, you've actually been doing this since I met you. And it is so stupid of me to not realize this until now, and I am so sorry and I am an idiot. I know I don't deserve it, but I really hope that you can forgive me. You can take as much time as you need. And I would love to get to know you better because you are honestly one of the most interesting people that I know. I didn't even know you knew ASL and if it wasn't for that and you being able to talk to that little kid, we might have not even been able to solve this case as quickly as we did. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for snapping at you and being an asshole to you. I'm sorry for not paying the attention that you deserve, I'm sorry for taking you for granted, and if you let me, and forgive me, which again, I know I don't deserve, I would really like to make it up to you" he rambled incredibly fast before he pressed the button again and the elevator started moving once more, arriving at your destination. "W-well, I guess that's it" he said, awkwardly as he exited the elevator. "I could walk you to your car if you'd like- or-" he sighed. "N-nevermind" he said, before he turned around and was about to walk away.

"Do you need a ride?" you asked, walking out of the elevator after Spencer and he stopped, looking back at you. "Um- I know that y-you didn't drive today a-and it's on m-my way-"

"I'd love one" Spencer blurted out. You nodded firmly, smiling and walking over to your car with him. The ride was silent. It was too silent for Spencer's liking, but you were slowly talking to him again and he was not going to ruin it by pushing you to talk more than you wanted to. He would take what he could get.

"M-my brother is deaf" you said, suddenly, making Spencer stop and look back at you. "My l-little brother" you continued. "That's why I know sign language" you explained, noticing the hopeful gaze in Spencer's eyes as he looked intently at you. "I learned since I was a kid. M-my dad and my two older brothers were... n-not very nice people" you told him. "After my m-mom passed away, I only talked to m-my little brother" you smiled sadly. "Eventually I s-stopped talking altogether. For years. When I started t-talking again, it came back with a stutter" you told Spencer. "It still comes out when I'm n-nervous" you said.

"I still think it is really impressive that you know ASL" Spencer told you, making a small smile appear on your face. "I'm sure your brother appreciated it too" he said.

"He does" you nodded. "He's actually coming in a f-few weeks to visit" you continued.

"That's great" Spencer said, feeling optimistic that you were opening up to him. "Maybe you can teach me ASL. I have always wanted to learn" he told you.

"Wow" you gasped, dramatically. "Something Dr. Spencer Reid doesn't know that I get to teach him?" you mocked, laughing a little, which was music to Spencer's ears as you parked in front of his home.

"Hey, um... I really don't want to push my luck here but... since we're off tomorrow if... you don't have any plans m-maybe you'd like to go to eat or something?" he asked, nervously. "I mean, if you're not busy. And if you want to, I understand if you prefer to-"

"Um... well" you said, feeling yourself smile at how sweet he looked nervous. "I'm... not doing anything right now. And I'm actually really hungry" you said, looking at him.

"Oh... OH!" Spencer smiled back at you, making you chuckle a little. "Um... would you like to go somewhere? Or we can order something and w-watch a movie" he suggested.

"Takeout and a movie sound nice" you said, turning the car off, and the two of you walked over to Spencer's apartment.

"So, um-" Spencer started, as you noticed he got closer to you and your hands suddenly linked and neither of you bothered to remove it. "Are Fig Newtons really named after a town in Massachusetts and not after the scientist?"

"I think so" you smiled. "I saw it on an episode of the Big Bang Theory."

The End

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A/N: ahhh xD I hope you liked it! :D again, depending on how this goes I might reopen tje Criminal Minds fandom to write more for it :) so, let me know what you think!

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid oneshot

1K notes · View notes

bubbles0bop · 3 months

Note

thankyou for taking reqs!!! jjk- any of the jjk men (preferably suguru/toji/satoru) watching their girl best friend who they claim to have no feelings for whatsoever pole dance for the first time and feeling some typa way lol...it doesn't have to be anything too out there...just a little sensual sultry and moody??? way of the househusband-there arent enough content for this fandom :((- miku is pregnant and tatsu is over the moon...he does EVERYTHINGGG for her to make sure she's all comfy and cared for...

A/N: thank you for requesting! i decided it would be best to split this into two parts where the second will be posted on my page immediately after!

JJK Men Seeing their Crush Pole Dance

Includes: Sataru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Toji Fushiguro

Disclaimers: Adult content! some feminine descriptives used, clubs, alcohol, smoking, flirting, sexual scenarios, no smut

Sataru Gojo

You and Sataru had been friends for as long as you could remember, practically connected by the hip since childhood and through your teen years.

Even to this day it was a rarity for your friends to see you two separated. The running joke was that everyone knew you both were practically soul mates. You two were the only ones who didn't see it - Living in a slow pit of denial.

One night, you had invited your best friend over for dinner and a movie (which was an often occurrence between you two), as you both enjoyed some sushi on your living room couch.

Almost reaching halfway through the movie, a thought came to your mind, "you know i've been trying this new type of exercise lately..." You trailed off, mouth full of sushi, honestly struggling to be heard over the sound of the TV.

"Good. You need it," Gojo snickered teasingly. God, for as long as he's known you and he still tried to get on your nerves.

"Yeah, you're one to talk- As if you even have any hobbies.." you retorted with a roll to the eye. He mostly ignored your comeback, waiting for you to continue speaking.

"Well, honestly it's kinda out there but i think you'd get a kick of it."

He raised an eyebrow at you, "What is it, naked yoga or something? You really don't need to show me that," He giggled.

You let out a sigh at his poor attempt at a joke, putting your bowl down on the table next to the couch. You stand, waiting for him to follow your actions. He stuffed one large bite of sushi in his mouth before following you down the hall of your apartment towards the bedroom.

What he saw is something that he really did not expect- a tall black pole was bolted from the ceiling to the floor, and it had one obvious purpose.

You laughed to yourself, "Okay, don't make fun of me yet, it really works. Just watch."

He was absolutely stunned by your words, thinking 'she can't actually be serious right now... is this her way of flirting with me?'

In all honesty-maybe it was.

He quickly figured out how seriously you were, as you reach a leg up high, wrapping your knee around the pole, letting it spin you. You let your arm lose and followed this action by grabbing the pole with your hand again, this time above your leg.

Sataru felt heat envelope his whole body. He just watched you out on a show for him, gazing across your body as it moved.

The heat traveled south.

You, the girl he had known since elementary, was in from of him, preforming some sort of performance as if it was just your every day activity.

Soon enough, you catch his gaze and let your movements cease. Your mind envelopes in worry for all the wrong reasons, thinking you've embarrassed yourself.

You blurt out, "Oh god, that was really bad wasn't it? Honestly, I kind of thought it would make you laugh-" Sataru lets you rant as he watches you step closer to him. He doesn't pay an ounce of attention to your speech, though, as he has different thoughts plaguing his mind.

He lets his intrusive thoughts take over his actions, pulling you by your waist and onto his lap. You're sputtering some words of embarrassment and confusion, but Sataru decides that the best way to ease your mind would be to pull you in with a kiss.

God, he's been waiting for this for a long time...

Geto Suguru

Telling Sugaru that you wanted to try a new profession was basically your downfall. While he fully supported you, you first requested that he not visit you at work, mostly because you were new and VERY embarrassed by your "lack of skill."

Honestly, you should have known from the start that he would never listen to you, and would take any chance to witness you being flustered and embarrassed.

You seeing your best friend waltz into the establishment while you were on shift actually turned your cheeks to a darker shade of red than humanly possible. If anyone were to be mistaken, they could've assumed you were on the brink of heat exhaustion. Thankfully, at the current moment, you were serving drinks to the VIP section when you spotted Suguru waltzing in the club.

He scanned the room, trying to catch a glimpse of you, but you duck your head a little lower as an attempt to avoid his gaze.

You took a quick check of the time before bidding your goodbyes to your guests. It was almost time for your turn on stage.

You could feel yourself start to sweat, not wanting to face the embarrassment of your best friend catching you in this state. Making your way through the crowd of men, you are interrupted by the sound of a whistle from across the room.

"Good luck out there." Suguru spoke loudly (as to be heard over the music of the club) and sent you a wink.

You rushed to the back room, face turning res, as you realize you are now definitely going to have to face this humiliating situation.

Your coworker gestures to you as she makes her way off stage, signaling it's your turn. You grab some accessories (a thin scarf- enough to leave nothing to the imagination) and you head towards the stage in a skimpy, feminine outfit.

You receive a generous round of applause from the crowd as you enter stage. The DJ starts playing some sultry music as you approach the middle of the floor and you catch yourself feeling the music.

You start by teasing the crowd, moving through your regular routine.

You pull the scarf away from your shoulders, sensually, revealing more of your cleavage from underneath. You use your scarf to wrap around the pole, moving your leg upwards in a sexy motion.

Suguru found himself getting heated in the crowd as he watched you. You were enticing to every extent. Honestly, he had never really thought about the way that your body could move until this moment, and it turned him on big time.

Recognizing these thoughts brought him to shame, trying to dismiss them. But damn, did you look good. How could you have been embarrassed when you are obviously graced with talent?

He bit his lip at the realization that his pants were becoming tighter and he knew exactly why.

As for you, you finish your set without a second thought, forgetting for a moment about your friend sitting in the audience. You waved a thankful goodbye to the crowd as they clapped their hands together, shooting off whistles.

You are making your way back to the main floor when you once again encounter your best friend, who was patiently waiting for you outside the door. The actually almost looked a little angry? Was he.. Jealous?

"Hey, Suguru, uhm, how did you like it..?" You asked while rubbing your shoulders, trying to console your own embarrassment.

He replies, raising his chin up in a flirtatious manner, "Oh, I liked it, alright. Maybe from now on i'll have to make private appointments.."

Toji Fushiguro

Being Tojis coworker meant that he always had his eyes on you. So when you casually mentioned to him that you had gotten a side job at the local club, it definitely caught his attention.

It was his idea to go out on a guys night to the same establishment this weekend- a total coincidence, of course.

Him and the guys walked into the club, instantly dispersing into their own areas of pleasure- a couple to the bar, another, off to the dance floor to flirt with some women- but Toji instantly had his eyes on the stage, hoping to catch a glimpse of you.

Toji really wasn't shy about his attraction to you, so you have a smokin hot body? Nothin' else to it. Just here to give some oh so loving support to his coworker..

A bouncer walked up to where he sat in the lounge, offering him some drinks, effectively starting his tab for the night. He was served a glass of whiskey, carefully gripping the glass in his hand as he started downing the liquor.

It took one or two performers to finally catch a glimpse of you on the stage. You were adorned in black and waltzing out onto the stage to a sultry song. You didn't seem to pay much mind to the crowd, and definitely not noticing your close friend in the audience.

You started your usual routine, wrapping yourself sensually around the pole, soaking in the sea of eyes in you from around the club. Toji took notice of this, letting out a loud whistle, hoping it would catch your attention away from all the other gazes.

Toji took his eyes off of you for only a mere couple of seconds to look around the room. All eyes were on you as your performance had gained the attention of almost all of the patrons, who had previously been occupied with their own pleasures. This made Toji's stomach start to burn with jealously.

He returned his eyes back to you as you finished the end of your set. He stood up, clapping with the rest of the crowd- this did, however, catch your attention as you walked off the stage, giving a polite wave to the club before disappearing off stage.

You felt your cheeks burn and you lowered your gaze to the black floor, which made a small 'click' with each step of your heels. You really haven't had any shame involving your profession until now, but for some reason you couldn't feel anything other than embarrassment.

You knew that the best way to deal with this was to go out into the crowd and find him, maybe to settle your worries.

You slide through the curtain that separated the crowd from the back stage area, to find Toji once again laying back in his seat in the lounge. This time, he held a sweet cigarette to his lips. He takes one last huff as he watches you strut towards him before tossing it to the nearest ash tray.

"So? You couldn't get enough of me at work?" You question slyly. You assumed he has only come here to embarrass you, but the look in his eye makes you think differently.

A low chuckle falls from his lips as he rises to meet your gaze. "I can't say you're wrong, sweetheart. But that show you gave was more than enough..." His voice was deep and he punctuated his words by laying a seductive hand to your waist. You could tell that he was tipsy but that didn't stop your cheeks from burning at his flirtatious actions. "How about we leave these losers to gawk and catch a room of our own?"

He didn't exactly leave you room to argue as he started pulling your wrist to the nearest exit, not that you really cared to protest anyway.

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jasmines-library · 7 months

Text

Catch me If I fall

WHUMPTOBER DAY 12: prompt: self harm

Fandom: Batfam

Summary: after the death of Jason, you can’t help but feel guilty, so you resort to some unhealthy coping methods.

Warnings: SELF HARM, blood, character death, depressive thoughts.

Word count: 1.3k

Note: this one is extremely sensitive and contains many trigger warnings, please read at your own discretion.

Remember, If you are ever struggling, please don’t be ashamed to reach out. My DMs are always open, or you can seek one of many helplines. Please remember, you are not alone and there are people who will help you navigate your thoughts and feelings. You are strong, you are loved, you are perfect.

M ASTERLIST ⛤ WHUMPTOBER WORKS

🕸 ⋆ ⁶𖤐⁶ ࣪⋆🕸

He was gone.

Jason Todd was gone. Dead. Killed in an explosion that would forever be burned into the front of your brain. The sound replayed itself over and over again in your mind; the shattering of the glass and the groaning of the metal frames as they collapsed in on eachother, the deafening booming of the explosive and the scuffing of your feet on the concrete as you stopped dead in your tracks, too far away to help and too late to reach him in time.

At first, the tears refused to fall from your cheeks as you surged forwards racing towards where the warehouse once stood. You arrived at the wreckage at the same time as the Bat. When he pulled Jason’s body from the wreckage, limp with eyes devoid of life, the tears still refused to fall. You just watched blankly as he held his son, trying not to focus on the mangled, blood covered flesh that covered every inch of his skin. Even in death Jason looked pained, his face permanently contorted into an unseeing gaze of pain.

Returning back to the manor and breaking the news to Dick was even harder. You watched as he flung the nearest thing across the room and let it shatter on the floor. You picked the skin around your fingers as he sunk down onto the floor and broke down, tears cascading down his face. Fat and hot like heavy droplets of rain falling from the sky. But still, your own stubbornly refused to fall.

It was only hours later when you had locked yourself away in your room that you let out a shrill cry of anguish, falling to the floor. Heavy sobs wracked your body as you trembled digging your nails into palms and biting down harshly on the inside of your cheeks, You blinked away your tears the fell freely, squeezing them from your eyes as you squeezed them tight, trying to shut out the constant memory of Jason Todd.

It was then that the thoughts came flooding to you. Obnoxious, penetrating thoughts that hit you like a ton of bricks. You should have gotten there quicker. If you had just stuck with Jason or forced him to keep his comms on then. It was your fault that he had gone off on his own. It was your fault that Jason Todd was dead.

Your suit was damp with tears and clung too close to your body. You felt suffocated. As you began to push off your boots, your bowie knife that you usually kept tucked away for emergencies clattered to the ground, You froze. It was the one that you had been given when you began your vigilante training with Bruce all those years ago. You picked it up, flipping the leather-bound hand between your palms and admiring the way that the metal glinted as it caught the light.

Some sane part of your body screamed at you not to do it. That it was wrong, that your family would be disappointed if they found out. But the other overpowering side still echoed with those thoughts. You couldn’t help but sink deeper into the guilt. And so you brought the knife down to your flesh, barely recognising the pain as the red ribbons formed on your skin.

That feeling of guilt never went away. It still sat there like a heavy weight even after Jason returned 6 months later. Although Jay was back, he was changed. Haunted by his own memories, he struggled to re-adjust to his life especially after the memories of his brutal murder flooded back to him. It took him a while to come to terms with his safety. It was only once the two of you had spent many nights clinging on to each other and giving reassurances that he finally allowed himself to relax slightly.

But the boy’s return didn’t just affect him. The sudden shift had troubled all of you, flipping your lives which you had slowly managed to learn to navigate without him upside down.

You began to retreat into your room again, spending more time alone. You slunk around the manor, avoiding the others when possible. It was something that didn’t go unnoticed by Dick who often lingered by your door, but was too afraid to knock or barge his way in. Opting to give you space. The space never helped though. It just became a void of guilt and constant reminders of your sluggishness. Although the image of Jason’s frail body never quite left your mind, his return brought it back stronger. It began to plague your nightmares again, causing you to wake up in a cold sweat. It caused the silence to morph into muffled cries and with that came the return of old habits.

Trailing your finger over the lines of scar tissue, your body felt numb. Silent, you left yourself with the stickiness of hot tears trailing down your face; each one a reminder of your failures. Of the times that you weren’t perfect enough to save everybody. The knife ran sharply across your skin, allowing the blood to bead as it trailed. The stinging allowed a sense of relief for a while. That was until it didn’t. After that, you turned to pressing deeper into your complexion, allowing the blood to dribble from your arm.

Dick lingered in front of your door once again. He hadn’t seen you all day and had begun to grow worried. Deep creases lined his brow as he stood, shut out from you by the painted wood. He knew you hadn’t been in the best of places since his little brother had been ripped so cruelly from the world. Dick hated watching you retreat. He loathed that sad look and far away gaze that settled on your face when he thought no one was looking. His hand was hovering as he prepared to knock when he noticed his younger brother waltz around the corner. Jason slowed furrowing his brows.

“What are you doing?” He quizzed. Though not oblivious to your struggle, he didn’t believe in getting involved in someone else’s business. Especially when he was still trying to short his own shit out.

Dick only said one word which sent the two men into a preganant silence. “Listen.”

Your sobs and outbursts of frustration could be heard from the other side of the door frame. The younger of the two recoiled at the noise. Dicks hand moved towards the door handle after knocking and being blanked.

The door shuddered open and Dick poked his head around the corner. He froze, heart dropping to his feet when he took you in.

Your knees were pulled tightly to your chest, where your head rested grimly. Your wrists were a bloody mess like the knife which lay a few feet away from you. You half-nursed them carefully, as though you knew something about them was off, but you couldn’t get yourself to care enough about it.

“Oh god…”

He took cautious, but long strides steps to get to you before taking your arms in his, not caring abou there stickiness that coated his clothes and spilled down his fingers. There was so much of it he was surprised it still fell from your body.

You tried not to acknowledge him in away, but once your lifted your head and spotted his face, the tears began again. Dick pulled you into a height embrace as the tears began to fall again

“I-I’m sorry.” You stumbled, “I..”

“Shh.” Dick coaxed, pulling you into his arms: “nothing is your fault.”

“But I- Jason. I wasn’t fast enough.”

“Oh little bat…” Jason squatted down by his brother. “There’s nothing you could have done about that.”

“Yes there is. I could have convinced you to-“

“Stop it.”

“I’m sorry.” You murmured. “I’m sorry but they won’t leave. Make them leave please.

“We will baby bat. We will.

🕸 ⋆ ⁶𖤐⁶ ࣪⋆🕸

<- DAY 11 ⛤ DAY 13 ->

🏷️ Taglist:

@senjoritanana

@deans-spinster-witch

@amaryllis23

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queers-gambit · 3 months

Text

Midsummer Night(mare)'s Dream

prompt: ( requested ) when Oliver's obsession reaches new heights, you fear Felix might return the affection - resulting in bloody flower petals suffocating you.

pairing: Felix Catton x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Saltburn

word count: 12.9k+

note: favorite trope here to stay

⚠️ you are responsible for the media you consume ⚠️

warnings: Hanahaki Disease AU: depiction of physical illness, medical phenomenon, blood, self-destruction; alcohol consumption, brief illicit material use and brief depiction of physical aggression, Lord's name in vain, cursing, angst, hurt and comfort, spoilers, AU timeline (obviously), "friends to 'strangers' to lovers", fix it Felix, "best friends" trope too, dead parents / family angst. requires maturity and caution.

When the first semester at Oxford started, something in your gut twisted with an unknown anxiety. Something in the air churned, a tide was turning, and there was something deeply amiss that you just couldn't put your finger on.

Your roommate was kind, your grades average with those that took education seriously, and your professors were decently challenging but in a good way. You didn't know what was wrong, why you suddenly felt anxious, but then, after asking your best mate why he was late to class the day of his first tutorial, Felix answered, "Had a flat tire."

You nodded, handing him the joint as you sucked in a sharp breath to hold the smoke in your lungs, "So you booked it?"

"No, actually," he chuckled. "Nice bloke named Ollie stopped t'help, offered me his bike."

You laughed, smoke billowing out, "Yeah? Tellin' me he just stopped and gave you his bike? Come off it - nobody's that nice. You flirt with him or something, Fi?"

"No, no, I'm serious! That's literally what happened!" He nestled his arm around your waist, "No, seriously, listen, right, I was on my way t'class, on time and all, yeah? Got a flat tire on my way. This lad, Ollie - Oliver - comes down the path, stops, asks what's goin' on, said he was in my college, so, he offered his bike 'cause he'd get it later, said he'd wheel mine back and all."

"Fuck off!" You shoved your elbow into his ribs.

"You only think people are out to do the worst, darling," Felix chuckled, flashing you a blinding smile. Neither of you could anticipate the series of events that this interaction would kick off. "Besides, he saved my fuckin' arse, I got t'class with enough time, didn't I?"

"Hmm," you agreed, a knot forming in your stomach as he handed you the joint back; both stretched out in your dorm bed as the thunder storm raged just shortly after you got back from class.

Perhaps you were too much of a cynic. Perhaps you grew up in a rougher part of the city with considerably less money, being skeptical of gestures of kindness. Perhaps you only knew people to be disingenuous.

Maybe you were just used to hearing these incredible stories from Felix Catton - certified spoilt best friend.

You grew up together; meeting as young children because your parents worked for one of the Catton's companies, your fathers having been childhood best friends, joining you two at the hip. You and Felix were two halves of one whole, a single functioning organism; becoming inseparable. You were meant to be soulmates, you were so sure of it, but in reality, it felt reassuring to have such a strong friendship that you never entertained the idea of romance.

Felix's friendship was genuine. It was built-on everyday, growing, evolving, forever changing to accommodate both your changing personalities. He accepted you for who you are, and it felt like he chose you everyday. Where others came and went, you remained. Where others abandoned you, there he was. There was no you without Felix and no Felix without you, and when the time came, you chose to attend Oxford together.

You knew how easy life was for him. You knew the silver spoon he was fed from. You knew he was the flame moths were drawn to.

Knowing Felix Catton was power-by-association, and you watched an endless slew of people come and go with the snuffed-out dream of being in his inner circle. You protected Felix (and the Cattons) from leeches and Felix protected you from, well, everything else. You were meant to be soulmates, you were so sure of it, and then everything changed the summer before senior year of secondary school when you moved in with him permanently.

Summer had just started, you were only two months away from turning 18, and then, a drunk driver drove your mother and father into a tree on the side of a road. There was nothing to be done when your parents were finally found, the EMTs assuring you they were dead on impact and did not suffer. You had been at home with Felix, who let you paint his toenails, the house phone ringing shrilly.

"Hello?" He answered for you, reporting your family's surname's residence. He hummed, then paused, looking at you. "It's St. Luke's Hospital, love?" Felix handed you the phone with curiosity.

When you reached for the landline, the nurse reported you were needed and asked if you had the means to get to them. You begged to know what happened, but all she said was, "There was an accident."

Felix drove you to the hospital.

Felix held your hand when you were lead to a private room, meeting a set of police officers.

Felix held you when you stumbled in shock upon being shown your parent's demise and Felix held your hair when you threw up after identifying bodies.

And the Cattons stood with you when the man responsible was sentenced to life in prison. They stood in the rain when you tossed two stones in the stream.

You lived with him from that moment on and sometime after, you accepted how in-love with him you were. He had always taken care of you, but that summer, he took care of you; being the glue that kept you together, the binding force that brought you into being, the reason you didn't waste away, give up, or lose yourself entirely.

When your final year before university began, you had to stomach the idea of loving him at a distance. He'd always been popular, charismatic, the sun at the center of everyone's galaxy that pulled all towards his warmth and light. But after losing his virginity at age 15, Felix was constantly running through partners and you didn't want to interrupt his "sexual awakening" despite the knife to the gut each girl stabbed. So, you kept your feelings to yourself and tried your hardest to be a staple in his life, and when you chose to attend Oxford, you made peace with the idea that you'd go another 4 years in silent denial.

Something about Oliver's little act of kindness just made you uneasy.

And then, the following night, Felix spotted his new little friend when you were out at the local pub and invited Ollie to sit at the table with you lot. You sat between Felix and Farleigh, India on your friend's other side - his cousin something akin to your own flesh and blood. After all, you had known them all for two nearly decades; marking you as one of the very, very few who could put Farleigh in his place. Eerily, you both shared a look of mild distain, but for very different reasons.

You didn't think yourself a jealous woman, but after meeting Oliver Quick in person, hearing him speak, watching him watch Felix, and witnessing how he interacted with everyone else, you grew uneasy in his presence. The night you met him officially, there was a funny tickle in your chest, and after a few too many coughs escaped, Felix whipped around at you instantly. "You gettin' sick, darlin'?" He asked, words drenched in genuine concern.

Oliver thought it was curious to use a pet name for a pretty girl while a different one was sat on his lap.

"I'm good," you assured, thinking the rain caused this reaction.

But as the night wore on, you coughed more and more. When Oliver got up to get the next round of shots, Felix, ever the sweetheart who had money at his disposal, scolded Farleigh for instigating the poor boy and stood with a note in his hand. Only you saw the real interaction of Felix subtly paying for the drinks, and when he returned, he set a glass of water in front of you.

He made sure you didn't drink the rest of the night, but you didn't want to - starting to feel unwell. "Fi, I'm gonna go - "

"Oh, no, love, c'mon, an hour longer," he pleaded as you stood. But he paused, examined your face, then standing without another word and tossed his arm around you, announcing to the table, "Right, we're off."

He ignored the jeers and complaints because he was swiftly escorting you away, and only when Farleigh clocked this did he scold the table to shut the fuck up. When you stepped outside, Felix was turning to you instantly, holding your cheeks in hand and using his thumb to wipe at the corner of your mouth.

"You're bleedin', love," he muttered, showing you his hand. You frowned and wiped the area yourself, seeing the crimson stain on the pads of your fingers. "Fuck. All right. C'mon, we can get you to the infirmary - "

"No, I don't think it's - "

"You've been coughin' all night and now you're bleedin'," he snapped, shushing you, "we're goin'!" When you just stared at him for a moment, he sighed, "I-I'm sorry, that was a bit more aggressive than needed. I'm just worried, love, you shouldn't be coughing blood."

"Might've just been smoking too much, yeah?"

Felix spoke your name with a hardened edge, staring at you for a long moment as neither of you wanted to back down. Finally, he cracked, "You're not gonna go, are you?"

"Nope. C'mon, I'm tired."

"Well, I'm stayin' the night incase you throw up," he declared, giving in and leading you towards your dorm.

"No, go back - "

"Not leavin' yah, love," he refused. "So, c'mon, tell me," he changed the subject, "what'd you think of Ollie?"

You sighed, "Nice enough lad, I guess."

"Told you," he grinned, weighing your heart to your feet.

For nearly every instance there after, you dreaded hearing Ollie's name or seeing him pop up at events. But that first night, as Felix dozed off in your bed, you were set on your knees, dry heaving in vain to free your throat from whatever suffocated you internally. When you managed to trigger your gag reflex, a stream of alcohol came spewing out - dotted with long, pretty, bright yellow petals.

You stared into the toilet, blinking in shock.

You always thought Felix was the human equivalent to a golden retriever with the disposition of a sunflower. In fact, there grew a small patch of sunflowers at Saltburn just for you; you and Felix planting them one summer together, kept alive after your parents died to bring you a little sunshine when you felt overwhelmed with storm clouds. After all, they were your favorite flower... Now being hacked out of your lungs in a ghastly, tacky mixture of blood, clots, and mucus.

As the year went, you didn't have another episode, but still did any and all research you could on your current phenomenon, wanting to avoid the hospital if you could.

The year flew by without much of a hitch, outside of Felix snapping on Ollie and distancing the lad from the group. However, just before exams, Felix came to you in need of help; saying Ollie's dad died, and being as he had both parents, he wasn't sure how to comfort the lad. It struck a nerve deep within you, going with Felix to talk to Ollie, and by the end, your arm had slung around the scholarship boy in pity, trying to talk him through part of his grief.

You didn't know the lad did his research on you and discovered you lived with Felix in his grand fucking castle because you were orphaned just before turning 18. It was the perfect "in", in Ollie's mind; a way to weasel close to you, solidifying himself to Felix.

You didn't like Ollie, he still made you feel uneasy, but you did pity him enough that you tolerated him. Now more than ever. He was back in the group before the day was done.

However, when exams concluded, Ollie was acutely aware that Felix attended the celebration to your exams - dressing you, pinning you for your accomplishments. You dressed and pinned Felix after his. And you both showed up for Ollie's exams, though, you dressed and pinned Farleigh as Felix did Ollie. He supposed it counted, still having the object of his desire back in sight; within his reach; staring at him with pride and a hint of pity.

It was exactly what Oliver wanted.

"Well, aren't you gorgeous?" Felix complimented when you arrived in the courtyard, dressing for the end-of-year ball. He stooped down to wrap you in a hug, giving a spin, and setting you on your feet as you laughed at his usual antics. "Absolutely a vision, love, seriously," he praised. "And I have a li'l something for us, hey?" He held up the champagne bottle.

"Christ," you mused, "what's the occasion? They'll supply cocktails there, Fi - "

"We're going to a funeral."

"I'm sorry?"

He sighed, handing you the bottle to dig in his trouser pocket and revealed a stone painted with the word, 'Dad'. Felix looked sheepish, "I thought we could do it for Ollie, yeah? Lad's had a real rough go of it all - "

"I think that's a nice idea, Fi," you cut him off, smiling in assurance, opening the wire on the bottle. "But first, a toast," you proposed, "to the start of summer."

"And end of exams," he agreed, taking the bottle back when you handed it over and popping the cork. He cheered as you drank first, taking his own, wrapping you in a tight hug. "We survived," he laughed, sighing after. "Really glad you were here with me through it, love."

"Yeah, me, too," you whispered, holding back creeping bile when your heart began to pound with harrowing tension. "All right, pretty boy, c'mon, sun's setting."

"Right," he pulled back, "I told Ollie to meet us in the courtyard."

"Which one?"

"C'mon," he laughed, taking your hand and leading you after him. You danced after him on your tip-toes, avoiding using your whole shoe and the high heel that elevated you off the ground several inches. "Easy, watch it, careful now," he teased.

"Hey," Farleigh greeted, watching you two go with a smile.

He bet Venetia that this was the summer you two got together. Felix had confided in him that he was considering the idea of settling down, having sowed his wild oats and being tired of running through girls like he had this past year. Farleigh never thought he'd hear such words from Felix Catton, but after seeing you and his cousin running off, he knew, it was only a matter of time before confessions were made.

"There he is," You pointed.

"Ollie!" Felix called, both of you jogging up to him. "Hiya, mate."

"Hey," He greeted you both as Felix didn't stop.

"C'mon, then! Follow us!"

Upon arriving at a stone bridge that passed over a thin stream, you let Felix explain what you were doing and why you were there. "So, in my family, we have this tradition, right? When somebody dies, we write their name on a, er, on a stone," he showed Ollie the stone he made, "and we chuck it in the river. My great-grandfather started it when his son died in the war. We've only done it for Y/N's parents and my dog so far, but... You know, I don't know, I just..."

"It helped, a bit," you filled in when Felix looked at you. You took the stone from Fi's hand and handed it to Ollie, offering, "Felt like our own private goodbye."

When Oliver took the stone and looked it over, Felix anxiously excused, "This feels a bit fucking stupid now."

"No. It's not stupid," Ollie insisted sincerely - only looking at Felix, like the whole world did. "Thank you."

"It's something, right?"

This lead into Felix explaining "what to do", Ollie taking a moment after. When he looked over, he saw Felix had positioned you in front of him, arms wrapped around your neck to keep you close, both screwing your eyes shut in prayer. It would've been endearing had this been an honest memorial...

When the stone was throw, it clattering into the mud on the embankment... A foreshadow you should've paid more attention to. This lead into you three sitting on the stone bannister, skipping the ball, sharing the champagne, and after learning about Ollie's poor living arrangements, for Felix to invite him home with you two. To Saltburn, setting in motion a series of unfortunate events.

That night, you stayed in Felix's dorm, asking, "Are you sure about this?"

"Hmm?"

"Ollie - coming home with us?"

"Oh, yeah, love, it'll be fine," he promised. "Gives us one more person in the house, that's never bad, is it?"

You couldn't answer, you didn't know.

Your first night home was memorable in the sense that Venetia, Felix's older sister, insisted on 'girls night' and locked you both in her room. "So? Did you tell him yet?" She rushed with an excited grin, pouring you both a glass of wine. "Farleigh and I have a bet goin' - "

"Tell who, what?"

She glared, "Don't play coy. You're in love with Felix!"

"Venetia!"

"Oh, shove off, I won't tell him - but does that mean you haven't either?"

"If I did, you honestly think I'd be here?"

"Well, yes - "

"He doesn't feel the same," you insisted, "and if I tell him, he wouldn't want me here anymore, it'd be awkward."

"You're absolutely insane if you think any of that is true!"

"Ven."

"He's mad for you."

"He say that?"

"Well, no, but I can tell."

"It's not gonna happen," you sighed, shaking your head. "Not with all his interests, and those interested in him," you explained bitterly.

"I think you should tell him," she nodded. "It wouldn't hurt to tell the truth, but it might give you both some relief. I promise, he doesn't want you out of his life, so, even by the off chance he doesn't feel the same, he'd still want you around. Oh, know what would be romantic? Writing him a note! You've always been a talented writer."

By the end of the bottle, you and Venetia had started drafting a letter; confessing your feelings and coming up with the grand idea to ask him to meet you in the maze if he felt the same. It was where you both went when wanting solidarity, being a place of worship for you both. The center of the maze was remote, private, being where your tears could be shed and secrets shared.

It felt fitting to meet there.

Your letter wasn't perfected to your standards until Ollie arrived. His first night, you began to feel that tickle in your chest again, and for some reason, you mistook this for 'butterflies' and decided tonight was the night. So, you snuck into Felix's room before dinner, knowing he was already out, and left your note on his bed; unaware that Oliver was watching through the crack in the bathroom door.

He slithered in when you were done, slowly approaching the bed, and fingering the letter. He plucked it in hand, opened the unsealed envelope, and read your confessional; requesting, that if he even had an inkling of returned affection, he'd meet you after dinner, in the maze. At the center, beneath the Minotaur statue.

Ollie stared at your flourish of a signature and instantly crumpled the letter, surging back into his room and shredding it into bits. He swept them away into the waste bin and adjusted his jacket.

"There you are!" Felix smiled, finding you in the hall. "Don't you look nice, darlin'."

"You always say that."

"I always mean it," he grinned, escorting you to the dining room.

Dinner was... Interesting, to say the least.

You were distracted by nerves only Oliver clocked, Venetia giggling and Felix the center of attention - as usual. He reached out a few times to grab your thigh, asking muttered questions in your ear, making sure you were all right after he noticed you had barely eaten. Oliver had to hide his amusement as you just seemed anxious, and when dinner was ended, he watched you scurry from the room as if the Devil was at your heels.

"Oh, is my darling girl all right?" Elspeth asked in concern.

"She had a lot of wine," Farleigh smirked.

"Ah, yes," Mrs. Catton waved off, and Felix stood from the table shortly after.

Oliver stalked by the windows that evening, catching sight of you, still in your evening gown, cutting through the mist to head into the maze. He smirked, hearing Felix in his room - but then catching sight of Venetia through a different window. A different part of his plan roared to life that night; meeting the sultry sister under the moon, both knowing you were waiting in the dark for Felix.

You paced in the cold. Your dress drug through the grass, bare feet tickled.

The hour drug by slowly. You lit another cigarette, watching the mouth of the maze.

The second hour rushed by. Your stomach knotted.

Three, four hours ticked by. And you were left standing alone, in the middle of the maze, coughing and wheezing.

You dropped to your knees when your ailment turned physically violent; fingernails digging into the mud as you choked and heaved, trying in vain to clear your throat. When you stuck your fingers down your throat, you threw up bile, dirt, acid, wine, and long, bright yellow sunflower petals - sobs soon wracking your entire being.

He didn't come... He didn't come. He didn't come.

You threw up twice more, blood staining your chest and dress; teeth outlined in red, the dewy taste of pollen left on your tongue. You sobbed until your head hurt, and sobbed some more; confusion and heartache taking over. When you managed to find your feet, you felt lighter, thinner, smaller, less of yourself than you have ever before.

A piece of you had officially cracked away, being spewed into the mud and grass at the base of the Minotaur statue.

When venturing back to your room, you gasped when you nearly smacked into Duncan. You stared at one another in mild shock, his eyes taking in your state and you quietly begged, "Please... Don't say anything to Sir and Mrs. Catton. I don't want them t'worry until I know what's wrong. I-I'm going to the doctors, Duncan, please, give me time to figure this out."

He nodded sadly, shocked by the blood left behind. The following morning, he didn't wake you... He let you sleep, demanding you be left alone to the waitstaff. When Elspeth questioned your absence at breakfast as Ollie entered the dining room, Duncan was heard, "Miss L/N was up early this morning, went for a run. She went back to bed, said she didn't sleep well."

"Oh, the poor darling," Sir James Catton tutted.

"Morning," Ollie greeted, careful not to let his excitement show over your empty chair beside Felix. Venetia was staring at her brother in near anger, confusing him, but distracted instantly by Oliver's arrival. Sir James greeted him first, Venetia followed, and Felix invited the lad to help himself to a meal.

You had sobbed the whole night, puking bits of blood as the flower petals tightened your windpipe; the tackiness making them stick like glue. You didn't know what to do - there was no way you could face the Cattons now, not after Felix surely told them that you would leave Saltburn (for good) soon.

But sometime after breakfast, there was a knock at your door.

"Come in," you bid quietly, debating if you should start packing or not. When Felix entered, he was holding a bouquet of sunflowers, smiling softly.

"All right, love?"

"What?"

He chuckled, "I'm asking if you're all right, we missed you at breakfast."

You just blinked stupidly, "Uh, y-yeah, guess I am."

"Good," he chirped, approaching you and handing over the flowers. "Got these for you, thought maybe you could use a bit cheering up?"

"Why would I...? Felix, is there - is there anything you want to say to me?"

"Uh, no? Not really, I mean, I was gonna see if you fancied coming with us to the field?"

You stared at him in confusion. "You... Don't want me to go?"

"Go? Go where?" He laughed, "Cause yes, I'd like you to go with us... To the field? I just asked you - you sure you're feeling all right?"

"Um, y-yeah," you swallowed thickly, petals peeling back down your throat. "Thank you, for these," you accepted the flowers.

"Figured, with your parent's anniversary comin' up, should keep you close, you know?"

You shook your head, "Wasn't even on my mind, Fi..."

"And I just put it there, Christ, Felix, fantastic job," he cursed himself, hand through his hair in stress. "I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean - "

"You didn't, it's fine - I-I mean, I'm fine," you assured, trying to stave off tears. "Actually, Fi, I'm feeling a bit tired, think I'll nap."

"Duncan said you were?"

"No, no, I didn't get back t'sleep," you nearly whispered, needing to clear your throat again. "You lot have fun, I'll find you later."

"Sure? 'S Ollie's first time," he taunted. "Don't wanna miss that, do yah, love? And we're reading The Half-Blood Prince together, can't miss that."

"I'll catch up tonight, promise," you nodded, "just tell me what chapter you get through."

Felix stared at you, reaching to pinch your jaw and pet his thumb down your cheek. He whispered, "Sure you're all right?"

You nodded, shaking off his touch, hating how easy it was to fall in love with him. "Just tired, pretty boy. Promise."

"All right, well... Find us later, yeah?"

"'Course."

But you didn't leave your room for three days, unable to control the vomiting spells, the blood, the pain, the petals... The gutwrenching heartache. Venetia checked on you damn near every other hour, sitting, resting your head in her lap, stroking your locks in comfort as you sobbed.

"Tell me what's happening?" She begged, unable to get it out of you yet. But you felt another wave, jumping from her embrace to rush into the restroom; sliding on your bruised knees in front of the toilet. She followed, and like her brother's done many times, gathered your hair to hold back. "Jesus fucking Christ!" She gaped, seeing the blood and long, bright yellow petals. "Are those - what the fuck is that!?"

You heaved greatly, throat shredding as blooms and stubby stems cut up your esophagus. When you stared at the devastatingly beautiful blooms coated in your blood, floating atop of the water, you looked up at your friend and confessed, "I'm in love with your brother."

"I know, babe - "

"And he doesn't feel the same," you sobbed; breaking down, panting for breath, Venetia dropping to your level to pull you into her chest. "I-I-I left him the letter, Ven, I-I-I asked him to meet me..."

"He didn't show?"

"I waited hours!" You wailed, finally breaking down after the past couple of years caught up to you. "He never came! An-And then, he shows up with flowers - with fucking sunflowers! - acting as if he never saw my letter! Acting as if he didn't know! Like - Like it's easier to ignore than confront!"

"Oh, sweet girl," she whispered, gently rocking you both as you couldn't catch your breath.

Neither of you attended dinner that evening. Felix showed up again, like he had everyday, asking if you were hungry while holding a plate of toast and mug of tea. But you had passed out in Venetia's arms, the fake blonde waving her brother away, doing her best not to snap at him - remembering she made you a promise that she wouldn't interfere. You feared if she got involved, you really would be asked to leave Saltburn and you had nowhere else to go.

The following morning, you were up before Venetia.

"Hey," she grunted, stretching in your bed after spending the night. "You all right? What're you doing?"

"Goin' for a run," you answered, lacing your trainers.

"How do you feel?"

"Well," you sighed, "pretty fucking foolish, but it's summer. Yeah? Best not to dwell on what I can't have..."

"But it's killing you, love," she sat up.

"I'll get over it," you assured, not believing yourself. "If he can act as if nothing's happened, so can I. Do me a favor, though, love?"

"Anything."

"Sit between us?"

She frowned, watching you head out of the room. When she peered from the window, she saw you setting off around the ground and flopped back into bed for another hour.

"Oh, there you are!" Elspeth gasped when you entered the dining room that morning - jetting out of her chair. "Oh, darling, are you all right? Gave us a fright - thought you were sick or something!"

"Just a wee stomach bug, I promise," you accepted her embrace.

"I'm glad you've joined us," she whispered. "Felix has been dreadfully annoying."

"I can hear you, Mum," Felix groaned when you two pulled back. "Ven, hop down one," He told his sister.

"No, no, stay put, love, I can sit here," you assured the siblings, taking the seat on the other side of the sister.

Felix frowned instantly. "Don't think I've ever seen you two sit apart all these years," Sir James teased, reaching to pat your hand. "Good to have you join us, darling."

"Thank you," you whispered, Duncan placing a plate before you.

"How come she's served?" Ollie wondered without thinking.

"Miss Y/N has been unwell," Duncan replied stiffly.

"Oh, tell the truth, Duncan," you smirked, "I'm just your favorite."

It spurred the family on, Farleigh offering you a look of confusion from across the table. You waved him off, not once looking to your left at Felix - only ever answering Venetia by looking directly at her, avoiding her brother.

Felix felt something in his gut shift as you avoided him more and more. Venetia all but moved into your room, or you into hers - not wanting you alone in this time of duress. Meaning, each time Felix tried to get you alone for questioning, his sister was driving him away. When hanging out as a group, you no longer were at Felix's side, but opted for Venetia and Farleigh's.

It left a gaping hole for Ollie to fill - happily.

"Did I do something, you think?" He asked Oliver one day, floating in the lake, watching you braid Ven's hair as she read from her copy of The Half-Blood Prince.

"No, just maybe," Ollie shrugged, "it's, I don't know, girl stuff?"

"I'm her best mate, she never avoids me like this," Felix frowned. Oliver hated how genuinely hurt Felix sounded. "Seriously, what did I do?"

"I couldn't say, mate. Maybe just let her cool off, come to you when ready," he advised, watching Felix nod sadly and stare at you from behind his sunnies. He craved Felix's attention that you so effortlessly warranted.

You didn't sit with Felix during movie nights anymore, opting for the furthest seat on the floor at Sir James' feet. You didn't spend the night in his room once, nor let him into yours. You weren't on his tennis team. You didn't share sunbeds.

You no longer met for midnight swims, something that made Felix explicitly sad. He waited with his feet in the water, but this time, you were the one who never showed up.

You didn't sit with him at meals, making his family acutely suspicious. Yet neither of you seemed at odds - so, what were the truly worried over? You acted as if there wasn't a thing wrong, but they all noticed the sickly state you took on.

You thinned out, you barely ate a fourth of your meals, you went on runs as often as you could - even in the sweltering heat. You barely slept, creating bags under your eyes, dull, lifeless hair, and a concerning docile attitude. It was as if you were haunting the castle, barely visible, making yourself into a shell of who you once were.

You simply weren't yourself and the Cattons had no idea how to help. Elspeth sent tea to your room. Sir James let you pick movies for family movie nights, but you never seemed interested. Farleigh tried to engage you on the daily, but nothing seemed to register. Even Oliver put on a show by approaching you at the lake, sitting beside you, trying to strike a conversation.

"Sorry, Ollie, I was about t'go for a run," you eased.

"Been goin' on a lot of those. Want company?"

"No," you refused.

"Sure it's a good idea?" He asked. "Been throwing up a lot, might make it worse."

This made you freeze from where you had stood, slowly turning to look down at him. "Excuse me?" You seethed. "You spying on me?"

"I can hear yah sometimes," he nodded. "You're hiding it from the others, aren't yah? The blood, the tears... The way you're wasting away?"

From a short distance, Felix recognized the angry look and body language you wore. Slowly lowering yourself, you hissed to Ollie, "You keep your fucking mouth shut or I'll make sure you're on the first train back to fucking nowhere tomorrow morning. Hear me? You don't know shit about a Goddamn thing, you don't fucking know me, and if you're smart, you'll shut the fuck up, Oliver."

He watched you with a small smirk; standing over him before vacating the lake's shore.

That night, Oliver heard moaning from the adjoining bathroom. Upon his 'investigation', he spied Felix in the clawed-foot bathtub; steam wafting from the water, sweat beading down his skin, and bicep pumping vigorously as he pleasured himself. But what infuriated Oliver was the subtle, nearly slurred and unintelligible moan of your name from Felix's mouth. It seems, despite his best effort to drive a wedge between you two, there was lingering emotion that neither knew what to do with.

You were withering away, and Felix was self pleasuring to you.

Oliver had to up the ante, but how? You avoided the Cattons on a rotating basis - not letting any of them too close to figure out you were devastatingly ill, except Venetia. And the sister wasn't about to spill this darkening secret of yours, she was loyal to a fault.

Only Oliver seemed to know this dark little tale, figuring Felix hadn't even admitted his feelings for you to himself. Perhaps why he found relief in the tub, releasing into the water with a tear falling from his eye over the idea that you no longer wanted to sustain a friendship. It was all terribly confusing for the summer residents at Saltburn. And yet, in an effort to feel closer to Felix than you ever had, Oliver climbed into the draining bathtub and slurped Felix's cum as if it were water from The Holy Grail.

It made him feel superior. It made him feel as if he were winning an endless race. Made him feel like he was validated in pushing you out in favor of himself - no matter the history between you and the Cattons. Made him feel like he was solidifying himself amongst the distant royalty and you were giving reason to be thrown out of Saltburn.

But he would underestimate the power of family.

He got a little too cocky the night he met Venetia outside, in the moonlight, with Farleigh watching from his window.

The following morning, there was a pounding at your door - a rare night Ven didn't sleep with you. When you opened the door, Felix came pushing in, looking purely distraught.

"Look, I know you're pissed at me for whatever reason - but I fucking need to talk to you, okay? Please - I-I feel like I'm about to lose my mind, Y/N, love, please - "

"What's happened?" You asked, shutting the door. "I was about to head out - "

"Please, love! Please!"

"Christ Almighty, all right, the fuck's goin' on with you? Hey? Looks like you're gonna give yourself a stroke," you approached him, caressing his bicep. "What happened?"

"He kissed her."

"Come again?"

"Fucking Ollie - Oliver! He fucking kissed Venetia!"

"When?"

"Last night, Farleigh saw them."

"Oh, love, c'mon, you know Farleigh doesn't like Ollie."

"So, he's lying? You think he's lying?"

"I didn't say that, but you're all worked up. C'mon, just breathe for a minute, gonna pass out from the way you're huffin' and puffin'."

"Please, be serious! This is serious!"

"I know it is, I'm just trying to be rational."

"So, Farleigh's lying."

"Well, I don't think so - kinda a huge lie t'tell, innit?"

"I thought so," he snapped, hand through his hair in anxiety. "I-I mean, how could he? How could Ollie do this - I-I mean, my sister? My fucking sister?"

"Love, if you're this worked up, just go talk to him," you tried. "Ask Ollie point-blank what happened."

"Would you ask Venetia?"

"No, darling, that's not how this works."

"Well, how will we know who's lying? Farleigh or Ollie?"

"I don't know - is this even something to lie about? What did Farleigh say?"

"He saw them - tonguing - practically eating each other!"

You sighed, "Love? You're not gonna want t'hear this."

"God, what?"

"Venetia's a big girl, she can tongue and eat who she pleases."

"It's bad form, though, innit? I mean - he's my friend, my guest, here under my invitation, and he gets with my sister?"

You shrugged slightly, "I don't know, Fi, but she's allowed to do as she pleases; Ollie, too. It's not like either are dating someone, hey? What? You jealous? Of your sister?"

"Fuck off with that, know that's not it," he snapped again.

"What is it, then?"

"It's another Eddie situation!"

You sighed, "Fi... You can't horde people, right? Ollie bein' here, he's free game to you, Farleigh, Ven."

"And you?"

"Fuck no, lad gives me the creeps," you blanched.

"Still?"

"Yeah, fuckin' still. Call it intuition, but there's something off, Felix. I know you don't want to hear it, but when I have ever been wrong? Huh? Tell me."

"You've not been."

"Exactly - I know a leech when I see one. So, you draw your assumptions, but perhaps what Farleigh saw is true, perhaps not - but you'll get more answers by confronting the truth than ignoring it."

He sighed, dropping to your bed, shaking his head. "Well..." He mumbled, "What do you think?"

You paused, "Doesn't matter."

"Does to me. Please, love, it's Eddie again and I don't - "

"All right," you relented, sitting beside him. "My money's on... Something happened, it's just a matter of what, exactly. How about we go to breakfast, see what the energy is there."

"Feels like I can't stomach anything."

"Your mother and father will be upset if we don't go down, c'mon," you whispered, standing, offering your hand. "I'll sit with you, and if you get upset, you can just lean into me, yeah?"

He took your hand, but didn't get up. He just stared at where you were conjoined, rubbing your hand with his thumb. "Does this mean we're fine? That things are... Are things okay between us?"

"Never not been fine, Fi."

"You've avoided me since we got here."

"I've been dealing with shit - "

"That you won't tell me about," he scoffed.

"Yeah," you agreed, his eyes shooting up to meet yours, "you're right, I won't tell you 'cause I can't yet. I want answers first... Then we can talk. I've gotta figure this out for myself, Fi."

"Well, I can help, you know?"

"No, you've helped plenty," you alluded. "C'mon, breakfast."

"Fuck's sake," he grumbled, finally standing, but tightening his grip on your hand. You lead the way to the terrace the Cattons decided to dine at that morning, being the last two to arrive.

There were two seats side-by-side.

"Good morning," you greeted the family that took you in, Felix silent and angry as he took his seat - but still pulled yours out.

"Morning."

"Good morning, darlings," Elspeth breathed from the head of the table.

"You sleep well?" Ollie asked as Felix whipped his cloth napkin to his lap.

"No, not really, mate," he grit, not looking at the boy and instead, reached for your hand. You handed him a cigarette, placing your own between your lips - both forgoing morning meals.

"We're 30 for dinner tomorrow night," Sir James informed the table. "Stopford Sackville has cried off."

"Oh, dear, that's a shame," Elspeth feigned sympathy.

"God, I forgot about fucking dinner," Felix tilted his head back, speaking between his stick as you lit the end of yours - then reaching for his after nudging his bulging bicep to warrant his immediate attention.

"Wait, who is coming to dinner, again?" Farleigh asked.

"The Henrys," Ven reminded.

"No, please!" Farleigh whined quietly.

"Who are the Henrys?" Ollie asked.

"Dad's friends," Ven filled in, Felix glaring at you as you laced your hand with his and squeezed in warning. "They're all called Henry."

"Not all of them," James corrected. "Just most."

"It'll be fun," Elspeth assured.

"It'll be being molested by Henry," Ven continued, swallowing a bite of croissant. "You know which one."

"Oh, I'll put you next to Oliver, then, he can molest you instead," Elspeth quipped, Felix strangling your hand.

"Don't," you whispered, Ollie's head cocking at Ven in an unspoken conversation. She hummed an amused chuckle. Felix glared at them both before looking back at you, silently begging you to let him snap. "Not right now, please, just breathe," you whispered in his ear, ensuring none others heard you.

"Oh, Oliver, I was going to say, we should do something fun for your birthday. Y/N's is at the end of the summer, we can combine efforts! A proper party! No Henrys, something actually fun. What do you think, darling?"

"Mum, you know Y/N doesn't celebrate anymore," Felix seethed with offense.

"Oh, I know, but it might be fun - a combination party?" She offered. "Darling?"

"If Oliver and Y/N would like it, I think it's a splendid idea," James agreed with his wife.

"I think Oliver looks like he'd rather throw himself out of a window," Farleigh chimed, everyone knowing to avoid asking you your thoughts since you couldn't celebrate without your parents - it just felt wrong. Like a betrayal. So, you no longer celebrated the day of your birth, but the Cattons looked for any reason to throw a party.

"What kind of party?" Oliver asked Elspeth.

"I don't know, whatever you want!" She insisted. "What do you think? About 100 people?"

"A hundred?"

"Or two! It invariably ends up being two, doesn't it, with this sort of thing?" She asked her husband, who hummed in amusement. She told Ollie, "Invite whoever you want. All your friends."

"What friends?" Farleigh leered.

"Oh! Oh!" James folded his paper messily in excitement, jumping to attention, "How about fancy dress?"

Ollie reached over and nudged Felix in curiosity, picking up on his angry demeanor. Your best mate looked down at you, making you lean your chin on his shoulder. "Oh, yes!" Mrs. Catton agreed.

"I can wear my suit of armor, Elspeth!" James giddily exclaimed with a childlike grin that made your heart weep gently.

"Good idea, darling," she agreed as Venetia stood hastily from the table; all knowing where she was going, and what she was going to do. "We could have a theme!" She distracted, you watching Venetia and knowing you needed to follow. She'd been caring for you in your illness, you could at least hold her hair back, too. "What about Midsummer Night's Dream?" Elspeth looked around for opinions.

"Lovely," James prasied.

"Bring on the slutty fairies," Farleigh mused.

"Awh, lovie, you'll still be the sluttiest fairy, don't worry," you teased, glancing back again and seeing Venetia escape inside.

"You wanna match my sluttiness?" He asked you.

"As if that was ever in question," you shot back, Felix offering you a small look. "I'll be right back," you excused yourself, standing from your seat but bending at the waist. You whispered in Felix's ear, "I've gotta go, 'M sorry, just keep calm, love. You're all right."

"Find me later," he requested, holding your hand a moment longer before letting you escape.

"So," James grinned as you walked away, leaning in towards his son, "how are things with you two?"

"Yes, darling, you two seem better! Did you finally tell her how you feel?" Elspeth asked.

If Felix was surprised by his parents knowledge, he didn't show; instead scoffing lightly, "Yeah, right..."

"Oh, darling - "

"She doesn't feel the same, Mum," he refused, sighing deeply - making Oliver's stomach coil. "Just leave it, all right? We're just friends, only ever gonna be just friends - she's part of the family. No need to mess all that up."

Farleigh smirked subtly and took a drag from his cigarette.

While hosting the Henrys for dinner, you felt another tide turn while sitting amongst the rich and fabulous. You knew them all, of course, grew up knowing them and attending these dinners with your parents. But something was amiss, something churned your stomach and clenched your heart.

You felt your chest tickle and tighten, the desperate need to cough nearly strangling you; Oliver paying close attention to your struggle from beside Felix. You coughed unexpectedly, seeing blood splatter onto your plate and without a single person noticing, you got up, excused yourself, and rushed from the dinner table with a hand over your mouth. Duncan swiftly cleared your place setting.

"Hear that, love?" Felix turned to look at you, only finding an empty seat. He looked around in case you were mingling, not spying you, and slowly got to his feet.

"Where are you going, darling?" James asked, "Sit, sit - "

"I'm only going to check on Y/N," he explained.

"No, no, sit, sit, sit, we know she's been fighting her stomach all summer," James waved off, and slowly, Felix went against his instinct and sat down. Venetia felt her heart steel in annoyance, wishing her brother would just wake up and realize what was happening.

When Oliver caught Venetia's eye, she questioned, "Felix warned you off, then?"

"Well, maybe we just need to be a bit more careful," he hushed.

"No, thanks," Ven refused, not one to sneak around her own home to satisfy her brother's jealously and possessiveness. "It's just sooooo disappointing," she snipped. "You're just another one of his toys."

"Like Y/N?"

"Y/N's not a toy," she barked.

"You're upset," Oliver noted.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm used to it - honestly. I mean, he never liked sharing his toys. Even the ones he doesn't want to play with anymore."

Oliver cocked his head, wondering, "Well, he's kept Y/N around this long."

"Y/N isn't a toy, Oliver, not to Felix, not to this family," she sneered in anger. "And he won't ever grow tired of her, she doesn't hold a temporary position in his life - unlike most." She chuckled dryly, "Honestly, do you not get it by now? She's the gatekeeper, and you're just a passing interest. You won't ever truly be his because she already is, and there's no replacing Y/N L/N - not to Felix, not in this lifetime." She offered a fake smile and turned from him to face her left, distracted by one of the Henrys.

Oliver knew all that, and he was working on removing you from the portrait - but it seemed, maybe he didn't have to work too hard. A rare disease had infected you the moment Oliver Quick laid eyes on Felix Catton - eating away at you internally, making you lose interest in yourself, plaguing you with self doubt to the point you couldn't look in a mirror without seeing a stranger. When Oliver decided to act against the pretty, rich boy, he started a chain of events that lead here: him, in a tux, at a dinner party, and you, shattering the frail skin on your knees from how hard you dropped to them - spewing blood, wine, and sunflower blossoms.

You choked harshly, make up ruined from your blood, sweat, and tears; hacking out most of a put-together flower. Your throat was shredded, dripping blood down into your lungs to slowly fill them again - floral growth breaking the barrier of your organs, sending unimaginable pain through your body.

You heard the karaoke begin, heaving over the sounds of drunken antics. You slowly crawled out of the bathroom, sniffling as you used your bed to lift your fragile body to your feet only to strip from your gown and crash into bed. Weakness invaded your muscles, exhaustion coated your bones, and your eyes stung with the endless supply of tears that would stain your cheeks.

Morning came far too quickly, and with it, Farleigh's forced departure from Saltburn. You were all dreadfully confused, Venetia explaining he'd been caught nicking items from around the house to sell for a profit - perhaps feeling desperate, wanting to help his mother without needing to ask for the help.

You weren't sure what to say to the situation, so you said nothing, but felt desperate to scream for your own help at the top of your lungs. The closer Ollie's birthday drew, the more you bent over the toilet, the more blooms that tore from your lungs and esophagus. You were at a loss over what to do, fearing you were too late for a doctor, and on the hottest day of the year, while everyone was outside by the water, you were inside, scouring the vast and random library.

"Miss," Duncan leered from behind you, no longer causing fright. "Is there something I can help you locate?"

"No, I'm just doin' some more research, Duncan, thank you, though."

"On what's wrong, Miss?"

"Yeah," you frowned, storing another book. "Nothing answers my questions, nothing explains this condition."

"Hm," he considered, "may I?"

"Please," you gestured him forward, watching in mild curiosity as he moved the ladder, ascended, looked over the spines of the many books and then made his selection.

"I've read every book in this library, and think this might help," He explained, handing you the dark green book about Japanese lore and watching you instantly finger through it.

You eyed him for a moment, asking, "You haven't told them, have you?"

"I found your request for privacy reasonable," he nodded, "and have not told the masters of the house."

You nodded, breathing in relief. "I promise, I'll tell them soon - when I figure this out."

"I think you already have," he mentioned, glancing at the open book in your hands. When you looked down, you had paused on a page titled: Hanahaki Disease.

The chapter was filled with detailed accounts of previous patients and sufferers; all giving a recollection of their battle with the unknown illness. You looked up at Duncan in shock, rereading the passage that told you what you needed to know:

"Hanahaki Disease can be fatal by making the infected vomit flora; either just petals or full blooms. There are three known variations of the disease, but all are caused by unrequited love - making the process often long, drawn out, and incredibly painful. The first variation involves the infected confessing their love to their desired, and that love being returned. This is the cleanest way to cure Hanahaki Disease. The second variation includes the desired not returning the known affection, leaving the infected to undergo surgery, a viable but messy recovery. The operation removes the plants growing in the lungs, but in turn, also removes all known traces and memory of the desired - but it does result in the infected being cured. The third and final variation is the worst, where the infected confesses, the desired does not return any affection or want, and leaves them to suffer until the bitter, bloody end. Without care or caution, this disease can become unmanageable with common side effects including but not limited to: blood loss, weight loss, avoidance, isolation, fear of food, fear of living, fear of affection, miscommunication, blood from other bodily orifices, and uncontrollable depression, anxiety, and other mental afflictions. Most infected never fully recover from the aftermath of this disease, and even when their love is returned, they are often haunted by the damaging effects of unrequited love."

You stared at the passage in shock, looking up slowly to spy Duncan staring at you in pity.

"I had a companion like you are to Mr. Felix, once," he confessed. "I was dedicated to my job, loyal to the Cattons, and in turn, he suffered greatly because I couldn't love him how he deserved." Duncan blinked at you twice in the silence that stretched between you. "My advice, Miss? Do not wait - you should come clean to Mr. Felix, let him decide how he feels, and should he not return your affection, I will take you personally to the hospital, where you might choose to undergo the procedure."

"And lose all memory of Felix? Of the Cattons? Of Saltburn?" You asked in desperation, tears swelling in your sunken eyes. "Not likely, Duncan, they're my family. I couldn't bear to forget them, even if it means I should live - I wouldn't be alive anymore. Not without him, not without this family that took me in without a moment's hesitation. I'd lose myself."

"But you'd have the chance to discover something new," he argued gently. "You have your own decisions to make, Miss, but I can only tell you my deepest regret was being so far up Sir James' arse that I missed the life that passed me by. And now," he sighed, "I live with the fact that I condemned my beautiful Roger."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Duncan..."

"I do not wish to see you suffer more than you have been," he frowned. "But I understand the fear you have, emotions are terrifying, especially for the young. But love is not conditional, Miss... Remember that. And having only a part of Mr. Felix would result in losing yourself entirely, whereas losing a part of him would result in you rediscovering all you are. Just... Just something to think about."

"How did you find this?" You asked softly.

"After Roger, I had no reason to care for much else other than the written accounts of those who passed before me. It felt like I was given a life to live, if only vicariously. I've read them all," he reminded, gesturing to the grand library, "and when I found this, I knew I had my answers. That being afraid costs us more than being brave."

You read the book in its entirety. You soaked in every recorded account.

Duncan's words weighed on your heart, and the last few nights leading up to Oliver's party were spent on bruised knees. Venetia still slept in your room a few nights a week, begging you to seek medical attention, and you promised her, after the party, you'd take action. She didn't need to know you were lying just yet.

But as it seemed, your lies were minuscule in comparison to others.

The day of the party arrived, Felix taking Ollie out for a drive as a birthday present. Where their destination was, you didn't know, you couldn't care, because watching them drive off the property dropped you to the ground as your heart felt as if it were physically shattered. You couldn't breath, the sunflowers strangling you from the inside, and after watching the love of your life drive off with another lad, you felt as if your fate was sealed.

That was it.

He didn't love you, he had Ollie. There was only so much love to be given at a time, and Ollie soaked it all up. You didn't stand a chance, you knew Felix's infatuation was out of control with Ollie's pitiful background piquing his interest. You felt like old news, you felt abandoned, alone, cold, heartless...

"What're you wearing tonight?" Venetia asked, tossing pieces of clothing around. "Felix is wearing these sort of golden wings, want to match?"

"What are you wearing, love? Maybe I'll match with you?"

"No, no," she grinned, "I've just found the perfect outfit for you!"

She squealed in excitement, turning to show you the dress seemingly made out of strips of fabric and a corset; creating an ethereal look and design. The color was pale, moss green with shimmering pale golds and nudes paired amongst the fabric. It created an illusion that the mini dress moved and swished around your thighs, and when she handed you golden gladiator sandals, you were sold.

Venetia spent more time helping you get ready than she did herself. She ensured your hair was pinned off your neck, that your make-up was mystical and covered in glitter, corset cinched at the waist to show your figure, and that you had a smaller pair of golden wings to top off your slutty fairy look.

Farleigh would've been proud.

The dress showed off your back, only thin straps keeping it in place as the wings were small enough that you weren't hidden under them. You showed more skin in that dress than you had all summer, your thinning frame tailored under Venetia's talented fingers.

Her hands clapped when you showed her the final look.

"Love the spider web chain," you complimented, clipped her in.

"Sure?"

"It's a look, Ven, you're stunning," you complimented, smiling at your friend with genuine kindness. "C'mon, I think I can hear people arriving."

Once more, Venetia squealed and snatched your hand, racing from her room and leading you into the party on the grounds as the sun was beginning to set. After greeting Elspeth and Sir James, complimenting their chosen costumes, you were sucked into a night of young debauchery; Venetia pinned to your side.

And thankfully, she was there to witness the moment you gave up. Moving through one of the darkened rooms, you were mingling with old classmates, happy to see familiar, friendly faces, and just as you turned, your glass shattered to the floor with the last bit of your heart and composure.

You saw Felix, clear as day, dancing with none other then fucking India - the girl you felt most in competition with, besides Annabel. He was so close to her, they were practically fucking; seemingly distracted by one another, they didn't even notice the party.

"Oh, love," Ven turned to you, but you just gave her a pained look.

"I'm gonna go," you rushed.

"No, wait - "

"I need to be alone, Ven," you insisted, the tears starting as your chest felt too tight in the crowded room. "I told you, I fucking told you, he doesn't feel the same," you sniffled, her eyes widening as you felt a familiar metallic taste in your mouth.

When your hand lifted, you smeared blood from your lips and nostrils, blinking in recognition - knowing what was to come next.

"I-I-I have to go, 'M sorry," you rushed, blood oozing and dripping down your neck in artistic scribbles. You didn't bother hiding this time, turning from your fellow drunkards to escape outside - heading for the maze, like you always did when needing to be alone.

Your room wasn't safe, anyone could find you there. The entire home was overrun with party-goers. The grounds surrounding Saltburn unsafe for your breakdown, as well.

So, you raced to the one place you felt safe anymore: the maze.

Your blood stained the shrubbery as you stumbled through it, trying to hold together, but the moment you reached the Minotaur statue, your legs gave up, mud squishing to your knees, and instantly coughing, hacking, and heaving blood from your lungs.

Long, pretty bright yellow sunflower petals came out in an abundance, the most it's ever been, before you were vomiting full blooms again.

You felt woozy, dizzy... Less than human.

You just wanted it to stop.

When you left Venetia's side, she noted you beelining outside and knew immediately where you had run off to. In unfiltered anger, she turned and shoved through the crowd up to her brother, grabbed him by the strap of his wife beater, and yanked him after her.

"Oi! Hey, hey, hey, Venetia! What the fuck are you doing!?"

"You've fucked up!" She raged, ignoring the looks from others and lead him outside so they could hear each other.

"Are you out of your mind?" He demanded.

"Are you!?" She sneered. "The fuck are you doing!?"

"What?" He scoffed, "What am I doing wrong, dancing at our party? Hmm?"

"With that skank!?"

"Hey!" India barked, having followed them outside.

"This doesn't concern you!" Ven barked, Felix feeling on-edge with his sister so enraged.

"You're talkin' about me, I think it does!"

"Ven, what the hell's gotten into you - "

"It's about Y/N!"

Felix froze for a moment, then looked at India, "Go inside."

"What!?"

"Piss off, India! She's right, this doesn't concern you!" He snapped, the girl scurrying away with her tail tucked firmly between her legs. When Felix looked at his sister, he demanded in a rush, "What about Y/N? Where even is she - "

"I promised her I wouldn't intervene, I swore I wouldn't say anything - especially to you, but you're such a fucking idiot, if you're not fed anything, you don't get it!"

"Is this really the time to insult me?"

She glared, steeling her jaw and gritting, "Y/N's in the maze."

"Okay? She goes there - "

"No, listen to me," Ven sneered. "She's been in love with you, Farleigh and I both figured it out - but it was really fucking obvious."

Felix blanched in shock, "What?"

"She's in love with you, you fucking idiot! She's been sick the whole summer because you can't love her back!"

"How - what are you on about!?"

"She's been throwing up blood, you're honestly killing her by doing what you're doing with all these girls! By ignoring whatever you feel - by denying it repeatedly! It's not fair! All she's done is love and support you, care for you, protect you, and you're fucking killing her!"

He blinked, "She loves me?"

"Yes, you fucking imbecile! And tonight was her last straw, I fucking saw it! She lives here, you jagoff, and you're dancing with India - right in front of Y/N? In her own home? Where she's supposed to be safe!?"

"I-I didn't - I didn't know!"

"No shit, because you're both fucking idiots who talk about everything except your feelings! Do better, Felix! Now, go! She needs you to be a fucking man - go! She needs you, Felix, she's in the maze, don't fuck this up more than you have!"

He didn't hesitate to shoot off in the direction of the maze, Farleigh catching sight and pushing his brows together before realizing he was sprinting after you - I mean, who else would Felix move that fast for? Into the maze Felix went, and Farleigh knew, everything was about to change. Elspeth and Sir James didn't notice a thing, too distracted by their party, but there was another watching; a set of dead, ghostly blue eyes nearly glowing in the night as they locked onto their prey fleeing the party.

Felix sprinted his way through the maze, an expert at navigating, and when he made it to the center, his own heart constricted to a suffocating depth.

"Oh, my girl," he rushed to your side, getting on his knees and holding your weakening body as crimson dribbled from your mouth. The pool of blood was grand enough that he worried how you'd make it through the night; floating sunflowers a hauntingly beautiful sight in the dead of night. "Hey, hey, you're okay, you're all right, I got you - I'm here," he whispered, smoothing hair from your face. "It's me, it's your Felix, love, just focus on me, yeah?"

And finally, with a sniffle that did little to nothing, you looked into his eyes with yours rimmed in red. "Fi..."

"Don't talk, save your energy, I'm gonna get you somewhere safe - "

"I've gotta tell you something."

"Tell me after we get to your room, yeah?"

Your head shook, "If I wait longer, it'll get worse."

"Sweetheart, please - "

"I'm in love with you," you finally confessed to him, unable to look him in the eyes for a second longer. You stared at your demise, blood soaking into both your knees. "Have been, I think, since I moved in here," you whimpered, "and after my parents died, I fell so fucking in love with you that it hurt. But out of fear of losing this friendship, I couldn't - I couldn't tell you. And now, it's killing me, but you deserve to know: I'm so fucking in love with you, makes me physically ill. I-I can't do this anymore, Fi, I just can't - the pain is too much and I've already lost so much - "

"Felix?" Ollie called in a drunken whine, entering the center.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, man!" Felix snapped, whipping around to glare at Ollie as you folded into his chest out of sheer pain. Of course, in the midst of your confession, nobody but Oliver fucking Quick would show up. "Get out of here! Now, Ollie, I'm not fucking joking!"

"Is she all right?" He asked, stumbling a bit.

"What the fuck are you still doing here!? Get out, fucking go, this doesn't concern you!"

"We need to talk, I need to talk to you!"

"It's fine, talk t'him," you wheezed, trying to get to your feet, but failing out of sheer weakness.

"No, you need to fucking go, Ollie! Now! Y/N and I need to talk a helluva lot more than we do!"

You used his shoulders to stand, "Talk t'him, Fi, don't let this shit happen t'someone else." He glanced to your blood as you let go of him, stumbling just out of reach, towards one of the maze exits.

"We need to talk, Felix!" Ollie demanded as you slipped out of sight.

"No, you know what? Fuck you!" He barked. "You're not what's important right now, Ollie! For fuck's sake!"

"Don't go after her," Ollie sneered, stepping in Felix's way when he climbed to his feet and meant to go after you.

"Fuck is wrong with you, mate!?" Felix raged, shoving Ollie back several steps. "Hey? So fucked in the head, you think you take precedence over my girl?"

"Y-Your girl?"

"Fucking Y/N!" He shouted. "Yes! My fucking girl, that I was so blinded by you to fucking see what was wrong! Now fuck off!"

"She's nothing - "

"SHE'S FUCKING EVERYTHING!" Felix shouted, you pausing in the maze when you heard it. "You and I can talk later, if I even fucking want to, but right now, my girl needs me - not fucking you!"

"I see she's got you so blinded - "

"You think Y/N's the problem here?" Felix sneered, getting in Ollie's face; fisting the lapels of his blazer. "Huh? You blaming her?"

"No, just saying - "

"All the wrong fucking things," Felix shoved him back again. "She's all that fucking matters to me!" He shouted again, you slowly nearing the entrance into the center of the maze, remaining hidden behind a shrub. "Not you, not all your lies - but her! It's always been her, but you fucking knew that, didn't you!? You saw what we were, what we had, what we could've been, what we were dancing around, and just had to wedge yourself between us, yeah? I didn't see it before, but your fucking lies - all your fucking lies, you were trying to ruin the best thing in my life! And you might've just succeeded!"

"She doesn't deserve you! None of them do!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Oliver!?" Felix cried, "Leave me the fuck alone! Leave us the fuck alone! Leave my family the fuck alone! Christ! Please, stop!"

"We need to talk!" Ollie now approached Felix, making him back up into the statue.

"We can't - we can't, are you fucking crazy? Haven't you ruined enough!?"

"Me!?" He snarled. "I didn't ruin shit, it was her! It was all her, don't you see? You pitied us against each other, I had to do this! For you! You can't just throw me away!"

Felix lost his temper, shoving Oliver again, "Get the fuck away from me! I can! I can and I will throw you away - for her! I'd do anything for her, don't you fucking get that!? I didn't see before, but now I do, the slimy, scum you are - and I'd throw you away a hundred times if it meant being with her! Fuck out of here, leave us alone!"

Oliver shouted as he grabbed Felix's shirt, "Look, I just gave you what you wanted!" His voice lowered to a quiver, "Like everyone else does. Everyone puts on a show for Felix! So, I'm sorry that my - m-m-my performance wasn't good enough, like Y/N's always is."

You crept from the shadows, neither lad noticing; intrigued by the words being slurred, shouted, and weaponized.

"I think... I think you need to see somebody," Felix whispered, not willing to admit aloud that Oliver was scaring him. "You need help, okay? Seriously."

"No. No, I don't," Ollie sneered - sounding almost sober. "I just need you to understand how much I fucking love you."

And there it was - another confession. Your heart (or whatever was left of it) felt heavy, like it was being constricted and anchored to your feet.

Felix whispered, "I love Y/N, mate, you have to know - wasn't exactly a huge secret, except to us. To her and I, not you and I, Ollie."

You felt something akin to shock spark in your gut, blooming an unknown warmth through your body.

Oliver begged, "You're the only friend I ever had, Felix." His thumbs pet Felix's face despite him trying to wriggle away; being touched by the psychotic liar terrifying him - but no more than the feeling of dread he had watching you stumble away. "Okay... I mean, doesn't this just prove how much - how much of a good friend I actually am? How well I actually know you? I'm still the same person! Yeah?" He whimpered, "I'm still the same person."

"I don't know what you are," Felix whispered in reply. "But I do know you," he paused, confessing, "you make my fucking blood run cold." His head shook, "I know friendship - and it's not this, Ollie, it's not built on lies and deception. Y/N? She's everything to me, mate, and you tried to ruin that. You're a fucking liar, Ollie."

He gagged a little, releasing Felix to stare at him with a sense of defeat. Oliver gagged again, shoving the opened champagne to Felix's chest, muttering, "Wait there a sec," before stepping away to throw up on the opposite side of the statue. He knew the other boy wouldn't be able to resist an open bottle of alcohol.

However, Felix felt it was his opening to escape, and when he looked up, he caught sight of you.

Your finger rose to your lips in a silencing motion, glancing at a puking Oliver, and Felix didn't hesitate to drop the bottle and race for you. When his hands smoothed over either of your cheeks, he checked behind him - seeing Ollie still at a distance - stooping to scoop you in his arms, whispering, "We have to go, love, fucking now."

You agreed and let him rush away into the maze, and before you could exit, Oliver was heard bellowing, "FELIX!"

"What the fuck was all that?" You asked, hiding yourself in his neck; neither caring for the blood being stained.

"I'll explain everything in a minute, love, let me get you somewhere safe," he rushed, the party sounding around you once more. He deflected anyone who got in the way, shoulders bullying past people, ignoring his name being cried out. Up the stairs, down a hall or two, and he was rounding into your room. "All right, hang on," he deposited you on your bed, rushing into your restroom and locking all the doors except the one connecting your room. The main door was also locked.

"What's going on?" You asked.

"He's a liar," Felix panted, wrangling from his wings as he approached you. "But it doesn't matter right now - what matters is our truth. You were interrupted before, but I have to tell you, sweetheart, that your affection isn't one-sided. Okay?" He knelt before you, taking both cheeks in hand. "You're not alone in this, I-I should've told you so much sooner, but I love you, too. No, no, I'm - I'm in love with you and I'm so sorry I didn't say it. Hear me? I'm in love with you, Y/N, I'm so sorry I was selfish, that I didn't see the pain you were in that I was causing."

"Wasn't your fault," you whispered.

"It's all my fault."

"I should've said something, too."

"You're the one who's been suffering all this time, this is on me. Okay?" His head shook, wiping the streams of blood from your nose and lips. "You're a fucking wreck, darling, should've said something so much sooner - saved you from all this pain."

"I was afraid, and didn't want you to know."

"I made you feel as if you couldn't talk to me," his head shook. "Listen to me, I-I have to go warn Mum and Dad about Oliver, but you stay here - "

"You're not leaving," you insisted. "Call Venetia's cell or Farleigh's, tell them whatever you're worried about, and stay here, with me, where you're safe. I don't know what I heard, but I don't think Ollie's well in the head and he's gonna gun for you."

He sighed, "They won't answer. The party's - "

"Just try..."

He agreed and grabbed his cell phone from his pocket, dialing his sister as he got you a wet cloth. She answered when he was knelt in front of you again, wiping the remnants of your near-death experience from your face as he explained at a rapid speed a condensed version of events.

When Venetia assured she would tell Elspeth and James, he hung up and brought you in for a tight hug. "Should've told you," he whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"I am, too," you whimpered, holding onto his neck tightly.

"C'mon," he sighed, pulling back to gaze at you, "let's get you changed and in bed - 's been a fucking nightmare tonight."

"How fitting."

"How so?"

You half-smirked, "A Midsummer Nightmare's Dream, innit?" He matched your fleeting amusement.

That night, you and Felix slept beside each other in a secure and locked room; both unconscious when Oliver approached your door and tried to get in before being apprehended by two footmen. He was locked in the basement for the night, given the chance to sober up before morning, when the police would be phoned.

When the sun broke the horizon, Felix woke with a start. You were already awake, looking up at his pale face, begging him to tell you the truth behind Oliver. He looked as if he would be sick, giving you a detailed summary of what happened the day before - all the lies Ollie told, how his parents were alive, well, and very kind. How nothing he's told Felix was true - all some form of fucked up lie to make him seem more broken for Felix's endearment.

"Am I that bad, love?" He asked in a hushed tone.

"No, you're just... You just have an affinity for broken things," you answered. "And he gave you what you wanted, tenfold."

"I feel so stupid."

"For being kind?" You shook your head, caressing his cheek.

"Not very kind t'let you suffer in silence, was it?"

"You couldn't have known how bad it all was, I wasn't exactly truthful either."

"You protected yourself, while Ollie... Ollie put on a fucking show to get attention, to seem so different, make me feel like I'd be a fool to ignore him," he scoffed. "I'm so sorry, love," he whispered, resting his forehead against yours. "But I meant what I said - you're fucking everything to me and I'd throw everyone away if it meant being with you - keeping you."

It felt so good to assure him, "You have me, Felix. 'M not goin' anywhere."

He smiled gently, sighing in relief, asking, "Can I kiss you now? Please, love, think we've waited plenty long enough."

You didn't answer, you only lifted you lips to his and sealed your fate - meshing into one heart, soul, and one being. Two halves, made whole; cut from the same cloth and stitched together. His tongue swept across the seam of your lips, mingling with yours and never knowing when he had felt so complete while kissing a woman.

Because he hadn't. Everyone else before you was a place holder, temporary, a fleeting interest. You were a part of him, never wanting to experience life without the other, but as the house slowly woke up, you were both reminded of reality...

There was still a madman to be dealt with, and Felix wanted a front row viewing to ensure Oliver Quick was truly gone and your lives in a relationship could finally start.

requesting rules and masterlist

Saltburn masterlist

other Hanahaki Disease fics:

featuring: Eddie Munson from Stranger Things

Cherry Blossom Colored Kisses

Tears in the Rain

Gone with the Sin

237 notes · View notes

five-bi-five-mind · 7 months

Note

Hey 🤭

I have a really dirty JJ request 🤭🤭🤭

Dom!JJ x sub!f reader

With a corruption kink, reader being younger and “innocent” but eager to please lmao

JJ wearing a strap-on, rough sex, degradation (some consensual slut shaming) and praise kinks and reader calling JJ ma’am/mistress/mommy (your choice) ❤️

Aim To Please

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!reader

Genre: Smut

Words: 7.1k+

Summary: JJ was in a really bad mood and everything around her just seemed to fuel that fire. So, when you said you wanted to help with it, you didn't expect the request she made.

Warnings: dom/sub dynamics; dom!JJ, sub!r; oral (r giving); face-fucking; oral on a strap (r giving); strap-on (r receiving); rough sex; mommy kink; corruption kink; degradation; praise; cum eating; name calling; light spanking... let me know if I forgot something there was a lot going on in this fic

A/N: As you can tell... I'm bad at summaries but I think I got every one of your requests in there lol

Today was not her day. Everything was angering her. She was dealing with a stack of paperwork to close up a case that just pissed her off in general.

To top all of that off, she was running on way too little sleep. Her attempt to get good coffee was thwarted by a line that would’ve made her late. There were way too many people trying to reach her for things that, frankly, weren’t her problem right now. Even when the hours she had planned to be in her office at the BAU ended she still wasn’t done with the massive pile of paperwork she had.

While she should be off work, instead she came straight home just to go into her personal office and keep working. At least the kids were with Will this week, that way she had some quiet and no distractions from all the work she still had left. It was really putting her in a bad mood that she couldn’t just kick back and relax like she wanted to.

Her bad mood only soured more when she realized she had messed up and left the hard drive she needed to work from home in her office. She really did not want to take any more of her evening to run back out and get it. But could she afford to put all of this paper work off? No, she really couldn’t. Then, not only would it eat into her evening off, but it would take up even more evenings she desperately needed for herself. The fact that she had no way to relax right now or let off some of this steam from her bad mood was making her even more frustrated with herself.

There had to be some solution that wouldn’t lose her too much time. She sat back on her chair, her hands covering her eyes as she tried to push past her frustration and brainstorm solutions. Her mind was too fixated on the day for her to think very clearly, but then she remembered the biggest cause of her bad mood and why she was so easily irritated by everything. Finally, an idea came to her.

Her hand reached for her phone on the desk and she immediately sent out a text.

You were two seconds away from heading out of the BAU yourself when you got her message. “Bring me my hard drive in the top drawer” was the first message you received from JJ. The second was her address. There was no please, there were no other details. She didn’t indicate that you could wait and give it to her later or that she cared that it was time for your work day to end. It was implied that you needed to go to her place now. You groaned when you saw the message. Today was long and you had plans. Looks like you’d have to postpone.

JJ didn’t even feel bad about the demanding text she sent. You were an intern after all, it was your job to be available for the team. It was in the job description, you should expect it. Plus, you were the cause of half of her frustration today. Even though there were other interns, she specifically chose you for that reason.

See the thing is, you drove her a little bit crazy. When you started at the BAU she was instantly drawn to you. Your smile was so contagious and the way you happily helped with JJ and others on the team was endearing to her. You were just so eager to be part of the BAU, even if you were just another intern. The way you starkly contrasted the nature of the work the team saw every day with your bright and bubbly personality was a breath of fresh air. JJ loved the way you seemed so innocent. Soon into your internship, all she could think about was taking that innocent spirit of yours all for herself.

She thought you were aware of this wanting. In all honesty, she wasn’t exactly subtle with the way she looked at you all day every single day you two worked together. She thought you noticed the way she practically undressed you with her eyes. The obliviousness you showed towards it, in her mind, had to be an act. Part of a little game of cat and mouse that you two played. Apparently, after today, she was wrong.

There were definitely some interns JJ didn’t care for. One of them was a cocky young man who was way too self-centered and charming. No doubt he got this internship at the BAU with the money his daddy had. What earned him negative points in JJ’s book was the way he flirted with everyone else. If one girl rejected him, he’d brush it off and move onto the next. He’d do that even if a girl didn’t reject him too. JJ was worried about the day he decided to pursue you too and apparently just had to be today.

She really thought you’d tell him off or tell her to tell him off. Why she thought that, she wasn’t sure. It was very much not in your kind nature. But the thing is, JJ thought you two had an understanding that the only person to openly flirt with you in the BAU was her. Now, she realized you didn’t even know she was flirting and to make things worse, if you knew this man was flirting, you didn’t seem to care.

He followed you around like a damn puppy. JJ thought the same display of innocence in your face was what was really drawing him in. You didn’t fawn over him like the other girls did and you didn’t flat out reject him like the ones who saw through his motives. Instead, you were just friendly to him and it pissed her off.

At the end of the day, the way he kept pushing his luck was infuriating. What really put JJ over the edge was the conversation she overheard. He asked you if you wanted to get drinks after work and you cluelessly said yes. That was it, JJ thought, that was the last hope she had of you avoiding his charm. Drinks would surely lead to more, at least JJ thought so. After hearing you say yes, nothing was going to save her shitty mood. She only fumed more when she couldn’t take the rest of the evening to drink a glass (or maybe three) of wine and try to forget that she let the opportunity to have you in her arms instead of his slip away.

But then, when she sat down and realized her hard drive was missing, it was the perfect excuse to thwart that man’s plans. Maybe it didn’t cancel your plans; she could imagine you asking him to wait just a little longer before meeting with drinks, but at least she delayed it. As JJ sat back on her desk chair and waited for you to arrive, she thought maybe she could find a few other ways to keep your little date postponed. If she was lucky, she could completely ruin your evening like you ruined hers. Even if you had no idea that you were responsible for that.

The knock came on her door in no time and JJ was honestly impressed for a moment by the speed in which you got there. A thought occurred to her a moment later, however, and her mood got even worse. You probably rushed over here so you had more time to meet for drinks with that asshole intern.

When she opened the door for you, she didn’t say much. She just gestured for you to follow her in as she basically stomped her way over to her office with you in tow. You were instantly anxious over the way she greeted you with such an unwelcoming attitude, but you followed her anyway. It would’ve been much easier to just hand her the USB and go, but you thought doing that would just piss her off more. Plus, you had a feeling this bad mood was from how overworked she seemed to be lately at the BAU. Obviously, she wasn’t happy that she was taking some of that work home with her. Maybe you could help, offer to look over whatever you were allowed to look over. You canceled your plans the minute you got the text from JJ, so it wasn’t like you had anything better to do.

“Um…” You shuffled awkwardly where you stood in the middle of JJ’s home office. You’ve never been in here, let alone her place in general. It would excite you to be here if she wasn’t practically fuming as she sat herself back down at her desk. “I’m sorry, you had to take your work home with you.”

“It is what it is,” she grumbled as she plugged the USB into her laptop and immediately started typing away.

“Can I help with any of it somehow?”

“I don’t know you possibly could.” Her tone was sharp and she didn’t even bother to look up at you. Originally, yes, she had the plan to keep you here longer and get your date postponed, but she was also still incredibly frustrated. The minute you walked through the door to her home she realized it wasn’t the way she wanted things to happen. She had the image in her mind that the first time you’d be here, she’d be pulling you through her halls while ripping your clothes off. Clearly, that wasn’t going to happen now. So, instead, JJ just resorted to being downright harsh.

“Okay, well,” you sighed. “I guess I’ll get going then.”

“You do that,” JJ spit as she kept up her work. If you wanted to go be with that arrogant prick then so be it. Let him disappoint you the way you were disappointing her. If you just opened your eyes for a second, you’d realize JJ would treat you so much better than anyone else ever good. The thought that someone else would be doing the things that JJ was dying to do to you was just pissing her off more.

“I– JJ, did I do something?” You definitely sounded hurt. JJ would almost feel bad if she wasn’t already so far gone in her frustration.

“It’s what you didn’t do,” she said, her jaw visibly clenching as she kept typing.

“What I didn’t do?” You repeated in disbelief. “I offered to help! You’re the one not letting me!”

Not letting you? JJ wondered if you heard how ridiculous you sounded. Okay, maybe you were right, but that wasn’t the point. She fully blamed you for this bad mood now and everything you were doing was the exact opposite of helping. How could you possibly not realize that? Her want for you was causing her to lose her temper and it shouldn’t be like that. At least that’s what JJ thought. Maybe you were really as innocent as you appeared to be, but JJ had been throwing you big hints. You never picked up on any of them, never initiated a single thing that told JJ it was finally okay to make her move, yet you say okay to drink with a man that clearly wanted in your pants? And even then you have the audacity to ask how you can help her? No, no, you were being ridiculous, not JJ. She thought losing control of her temper and jealousy was entirely valid at this point.

“You want to help so fucking badly?” JJ finally looked up from her computer. Her eyes were burning with rage and all you could do was stand there, so confused as to why you seemed to be fueling this fire.

“Yes!” You were desperate now. “Yes, I’m just trying to do a good job here,” you cried. “I don’t know why you’re so angry. I don’t know what it was that I apparently didn’t do. What do you want from me?”

“God,” JJ growled. “If you’d just shut up and get on your fucking knees we wouldn’t be having this problem.” She said that without thinking. Honestly, she really did. It was a mixture of the anger she was feeling and the pent up want she had for you. The minute those words were out of her mouth the whole room went still.

Your eyes widened at what she said. JJ’s body froze. She didn’t let her face show the shock she felt for letting that slip. It didn’t even mean to come out, and her jaw clenched as she waited for you to react.

JJ expected you to do one of two things: Yell and throw much deserved accusations her way or run like hell out of her house and report her ass. Either way, she could practically picture the long HR conversation she was bound to have this week. Except, you didn’t do either of the things she was expecting. In fact, you didn’t do anything at all for a moment. You just stood there and stared at her in utter shock.

Shit, JJ thought as she started to get up from her desk chair. You were still staring at her in disbelief and she could see the blush forming on your face. If she didn’t just royally fuck up the way she did, she would be enjoying the deer-caught-in-headlights look you were wearing. Obviously, you weren’t expecting her to say anything like that to you. Hell, she wasn’t expecting to say that tonight either. But what did intrigue her was, while you might be frozen in place, you still didn’t leave or even protest. No, instead you just looked a bit flushed and there was a gradual shift from shock to something else in your eyes. It was wishful thinking on JJ’s part that the look in your eye could mean interest. Or maybe, if JJ was the type of woman who took bets, it could even be a look of arousal.

The worst part was, she would’ve won that bet, because you definitely were aroused the instant those words left her lips. You shifted where you stood, not that JJ noticed when her eyes were too busy reading your own. The heat in your cheeks she did notice though. It was only getting worse the longer you stood there and let her gawk at you. Her eyebrow arched when she did, indeed, pick up on the fact that your reaction perhaps wasn’t all that negative.

She was waiting for you to do something now. Still unsure of how you felt about her outburst. The problem was, there wasn’t much you could think to do. Was she serious? The fact that you almost did exactly what you were asked immediately made you a bit embarrassed, but what if that’s really what she wanted? You said you wanted to help and if that was her request... Maybe you really should fulfill it.

Your eyes shifted to the floor for a minute and then back up at her. JJ’s expression still hadn’t changed from the quizzical one that replaced her anger. She was waiting for you to act. And as she saw your eyes flick to the floor before looking back at her, you saw even more of a change in her expression. It was miniscule to anyone else, but you personally spent a lot of time staring at JJ and her eyes, so you didn’t miss the shift in them. Blue eyes looked back at you with pupils blown until they were almost completely black. That small detail in and of itself is what told you she was dead serious. It was also all it took to make your mind up.

“Okay.” You said it with a confidence you didn’t even know you had.

“Okay?” JJ’s head tilted to the side. That was another unexpected response from you. She kind of thought the reason you were still here was to discuss this. She had the feeling you’d be the type to talk out your feelings for each other before just falling into bed with her. But in that very moment, you proved her completely wrong.

“Okay,” you repeated and got on your knees. JJ shot around her desk so fast when she saw you do that. There was no way she was missing a moment of this the second she realized you actually were getting on your knees for her.

“Wow,” JJ breathed as she stopped right in front of you. She had pictured this exact scenario countless times, but it still didn’t prepare her for just how amazing you looked on your knees. The way you looked up at her with such innocent eyes was replacing the last tendrils of rage in her body with white hot desire instead. There were so many things she thought about doing to you at that moment. “You look so pretty like that.”

You shifted your gaze to the floor as your face flushed, but JJ’s hand came up to cup your chin and pull you back up to look at her.

“Don’t look away from me,” she ordered. Her tone wasn’t harsh though. Not yet at least, not when she was still fairly certain you would be one who’s easily scared off. Although, so far you’ve been reacting in the exact opposite way than she’s expected.

“I’m only going to say this once,” she started as her thumb ran gently over your bottom lip. “You have an out right now, if you don’t want to do this then this is your one and only chance to get up and leave. But if you stay, then you’re going to do everything I tell you to.”

Her thumb still traced your bottom lip as you soaked in exactly what she was asking of you. You knew that was her way of warning you that tonight was going to be a very different experience than anything and anyone you’ve encountered in your past romantic history. The idea of that only thrilled you more.

“I’m staying,” you mumbled. “I’ll do anything you want.”

JJ’s smirk at your answer looked downright devilish and caused a shiver to run down your spine. “Good,” she hummed. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.” Her thumb pressed down on your lip until you were forced to part them. “First, I’m going to use that pretty mouth of yours.” JJ’s thumb pressed harder until your lips fell open even more and you willingly took it into your mouth. She immediately bit her lip, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of running the pad of her thumb against your tongue. When she dragged it back out of your mouth, she gave a satisfied hum at the way you seemed disappointed by the loss of contact. You were already being so good for her and she didn’t even really have to ask yet.

When JJ’s hands fell from you and to the buckle of her belt, that’s when you started to feel a little nervous. Things were getting real, but still you didn’t want to back out. You just didn’t know and definitely weren’t prepared for the intensity JJ had in store for you.

When her belt was undone and her button popped open from her pants, she grabbed you by your hair and pulled you until you were forced to brace yourself on her thighs. She didn’t react to the wince she caused when her grip tightened and your hands frantically grasped at her. “Do you know what to do or am I going to have to show you?” she asked in a threatening tone. This was certainly a new, darker side of JJ. One that you honestly didn’t see coming, but still you weren’t complaining.

You shook your head and tried to readjust on your knees so that you weren’t practically falling over on her anymore. You could do this for her; you could figure it out. If you didn’t know how, JJ was determined to make you learn.

Your hands moved up her thighs and tugged down at her pants and underwear, just enough to give you access to her pussy. She was already so wet, just from the sight of you on your knees and the anticipation of feeling your tongue inside her drove her wild. Part of her thought she should savor this moment, but a large part of her desperately needed to see your face wrecked and covered in her cum. That part won out.

Again, she tugged on your hair until you were closer to her. You stopped with your face right in between her legs. She looked down at you expectantly and you knew that you needed to get rid of all your hesitation once and for all, so you tried your best to. Your tongue peaked out from your lips and started a slow, long lick over her clit. That alone had JJ shuddering above you and clenching the fist that currently had a strong hold on your head. Loving the reactions you were eliciting from her, you repeated the action once, twice and then more until you set a steady pace of lapping at her pussy while her body twitched above you.

But it wasn’t enough for her. She needed to claim you and she needed it now. “Stick out your tongue,” JJ ordered as she pulled your head back for just a second to make sure you were listening. “I’m going to fuck your face.” She didn’t even wait for a response before pulling you back in.

This time your hands flew back to her thighs so you could brace yourself again as you did exactly what JJ asked and let her run her entire pussy over your tongue. She wasn’t going slow either. The way she felt your tongue run over her clit and her entrance was enough for her to already lose control of her actions. She had this idea, originally, that she would pace herself with you. Her goal was always to be rough with you, but she wanted to ease you into it. She wanted to slowly take away your innocence, not fuck your face right off the bat. But then, she was feeling possessive and that anger still felt like it had her all twisted and pent up, not to mention the fact that just being around you and not getting to fuck you yet was already a build up on it’s own for her. Taking it slow was just not something she had the patience for anymore. She needed to cum and she needed you to help her with that.

To add to how much JJ was enjoying this, she didn’t miss the way you were squeezing your legs together underneath her. With each grind of her hips against your face, she saw the way you shifted and tried to get some relief for the ache you were surely feeling. It was going to be so easy to turn you into a mess beneath her if you were already struggling and she hadn’t even touched you yet.

“I knew this was what you wanted,” JJ groaned when she heard you moaning into her pussy. “You wanted me to fuck you since the moment we met. Isn’t that right?”

All you could do was hum as JJ’s hips moved even harder. She was holding your head in place with a painfully tight grip as she ground into your mouth even harder. The way she was panting and groaning had you so wet, you were sure your panties were beyond ruined.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret.” JJ’s voice was winded as she spoke now and you could tell from the way her hips rocked into your face with a more erratic rhythm that she was getting close. “I’ve wanted to ruin you since the moment we met too.”

She threw her head back after that and kept you tightly pressed to her pussy. It was hard for you to breathe through all of it, but she didn’t care. Instead of letting you get any sort of air, she forced you to press your tongue to her clit as she finally came with a satisfied moan.

When she pulled your head back finally, you gulped down air. JJ took a few deep breaths herself and her legs trembled ever so slightly from the way you made her cum. Her hands finally let go of your head and she took a step back, only for you to fall forward, catching yourself quickly on your hands. She looked down at you when she heard you huff as you caught yourself. You were on all fours and you looked like an absolute mess. Her cum was smeared over your mouth and chin and you were still trying to catch your breath from it. That image gave her an idea of exactly what she wanted to do next.

“Get up.” JJ didn’t even care that you were still struggling to regain your composure. “And follow me.”

“O-okay,” you panted as you tried to get back up and off your now sore knees. JJ was already out the door of her home office before you really could gain your balance. You scrambled to catch up, following her down the hall until you reached what you easily guessed was her bedroom.

You honestly felt lucky that you were being allowed to enter Jennifer Jareau’s bedroom. Never in your wildest dreams did you think it would happen. That didn’t stop you from daydreaming about it, but you really had no idea that the whole time JJ stared at you, she was secretly thinking about all the ways she could fuck you. You kind of thought all her staring meant she didn’t like you. She didn’t exactly smile at you when you caught her looking. Instead, she always wore what you thought was a very serious gaze. It’s only now that you realized it was a gaze of hunger for you rather than anger towards you.

“Strip.” JJ’s order shook you from your thoughts and your eyes snapped to where she had gone. She was in the corner of her room, digging around in the bottom drawer of her dresser.

You did exactly as you were told, but kept your eyes on JJ. Whatever she was digging for, you didn’t know, but you were incredibly curious about it. Still, you continued to pull off your clothes as you waited for her. The fact that, after you pulled the last piece of clothing from your body and now you were bare naked in her bedroom while she was fully clothed, made you nervous again. Hopefully soon JJ would let you take her clothes off, but something told you that if you asked, you’d be breaking JJ’s wishes for you to be obedient. She was in control after all, and it seemed very clear to you that she didn’t want that challenged.

But then she turned around and the thing you saw dangling in her hand had your jaw drop.

“JJ I haven’t– I’ve never done that before,” you stuttered. Resting in JJ’s hand was the straps to a harness and a decently sized dildo. Fingers, you’ve experienced, but you definitely haven’t had anything more than two and the size of the toy in her hand definitely seemed bigger and longer than that.

She didn’t even seem phased by your trepidation. She just started to, thankfully, pull off her own clothes. You waited for any kind of response for her. But as she finished undressing and started to pull on the harness and situate the toy, you realized you weren’t going to get an answer.

“JJ–”

She held up a hand to cut you off when the straps were tightened just right around her hips. “You’ll be fine,” she said as she took a few steps towards you.

“But I haven’t–”

“Was today the first time anyone’s fucked your face?” Your eyes went wide at the bluntness of the question, but still you nodded hesitantly. “You did fine with that,” she said. “You’ll take this.” That last comment sounded more like a promise than words of comfort. You gulped hard when JJ stopped in front of you.

Her arms slipped around your waist and for a minute her touch was gentle. It was reassuring and just enough to let you stop worrying about what JJ was expecting of you. Her hands traced along the bare skin of your back as she leaned into you and finally, for the first time that night, her lips met yours. The kiss was slow; gentle even. It was her way of lulling you into a sense of agreement with her that you’d be just fine taking the toy that was currently strapped to her hips.

You kissed her back, quickly parting your lips for her to run her tongue along your own. But the moment her tongue made contact with yours, that switch flipped back on and she was back to being impatient. With her arms around you, she pulled you so your bare body was flush against hers. The way you felt the cold silicon of her strap-on hit your thigh made you jump, but you didn’t have much time to react as JJ took one of your lips in between her teeth and pulled.

When JJ released your lip, her hands moved to your hips and turned you around. Lips fell on your neck where she began to lick and suck at the sensitive skin there. You couldn’t stop the way your breath hitched when you felt her teeth sink down particularly hard on a very visible part of your neck. Eventually, your legs hit the edge of the bed and JJ finally let go of you only to give you a hard shove down. You fell down onto the mattress with a thud and JJ climbed onto the bed and knelt above you. When you looked back up the head of her strap was right in your face. It looked bigger this way and you were nervous all over again.

“JJ, it looks really… big.”

“Don’t think about that,” JJ said as she knelt before you. Her hand fell back to the top of your head, this time grabbing a handful of your hair but not as hard. “Either way, you’re going to be a good girl and take it for me. I suggest you start sucking on it first.”

“What?!” She really was trying to give you a handful of firsts in one evening. If you hadn’t ever taken a strap before, you most certainly haven’t given one head.

“You’re probably wet enough,” she started as she urged your head forward, “but this will get it wet and help you take it even better.”

Your eyes flicked back and forth between it and her, but eventually you decided to pluck up some courage and do what you were told. After all, she said she wanted you to be good and you desperately wanted to please her. Your lips wrapped around the head of JJ’s silicon cock and slowly you took it into your mouth. Above you, you heard JJ take in a sharp breath. Her fist flexed on your head, but she didn’t dare push you. Her goal wasn’t to fuck your face with it like she did just moments ago. This genuinely was her way of trying to get you used to it and make it a little easier for you to take. Sure, she could’ve used lube. She had a tube of it in her dresser specifically for you because she thought you’d need it. But then, she wanted to keep corrupting you and what better way to ruin your innocent little image than making you suck her cock.

When you took most of it into your mouth and looked up at her, that’s when JJ really started to struggle. Her hips moved on their own, rolling forward slightly, but still it was just enough for you to back up. Immediately, her hand combed through your hair and she cooed at you, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay,” as she encouraged you to take it into your mouth again. You did and she gently and cautiously guided your head to bob up and down on it just a little bit longer. But still that feeling of her control was slipping and the fact that you had your lips wrapped around her strap with her cum still on your face was really making it so hard to keep her cool.

After another minute of it, she pulled you off of it. “Good,” she praised breathlessly. “You did so good for mommy.”

The name stopped you both. It slipped out just like before. She really didn’t mean to say it, much like she didn’t mean to say what kickstarted all of this. Just like that instance, though, your reaction wasn’t what she expected. You just looked up at her, face flushed and messy, but pride shining in your eyes. So… you liked the idea of calling her mommy then. That was an interesting little perk that boosted the power trip JJ was already running on.

“Now what?” You asked with such innocence. How you could totally gain back that look of pure wonder and eagerness after just having her pussy and her strap in your mouth? JJ would never understand how you could do it. But still you were looking up at her from where you sat, naked on her bed, and waiting for more orders.

“Now,” JJ said as she backed up a little on the bed, “you’re going to get on all fours and take my cock like the good little slut I know deep down you’re dying to be.”

The language she was using really got a rise out of you. Never had someone spoken to you like that and you didn’t realize how wet it made you. You were also so fucking obvious. JJ could tell that it turned you on to be treated like this and spoken to like you were nothing but her little toy. That’s kind of what you were to her now, whether you realized it yet. She finally had you in her grasp and she was going to fuck you until you were on the brink of breaking. It wasn’t even just about fucking you. No, she was going to claim you and ruin you like she promised. With the way she was going to fuck you, she was going to make sure you were ruined for anyone else. Just hers, that’s how it should always be. She’d make sure you knew that after tonight you were just hers.

JJ didn’t wait for you to move before she had a hold of your hips and started to flip you around. You immediately found yourself on your hands and knees again, which meant you couldn’t see what she was doing with the strap as she knelt on the bed and positioned herself. That made it both frightening and exciting, but you were so fucking wet you could feel it on your thighs. At this point, you didn’t care how big it looked, you just needed JJ to finally be inside you.

When she pushed the head of her cock into you, you weren’t immediately prepared for the burn of her stretching your pussy out. Your head fell back and your fists clenched the blankets on the mattress until they turned white as JJ bottomed out inside you. The echo of JJ’s low, guttural moan filled the room as she watched her cock stretch and disappear inside you. She started slow, pulling out almost all the way before easing it back in. You were already making such pretty noises for her. With each time her hips ground just a little into you when they were flush with your ass and her cock was all the way in, you’d let out a small whine. Eventually, you were getting used to the way you felt your pussy being stretched and when JJ started to pick up the pace, you met her thrusts with your own, trying to fuck yourself on your cock.

“Doing so good, baby,” JJ groaned as her hands gripped your hips and kept you steady. “Taking mommy’s cock so fucking good.”

You just whimpered at that and kept trying to fuck yourself against her cock. JJ was getting faster now, but still holding back as much as she could so you could adjust a little more to this new sensation. She wanted to ruin your pussy, but she didn’t actually want to break you… Just get you close to that point. When your moans got louder and JJ could see your wetness dripping down your thighs, however, she decided you were adjusted enough.

Suddenly, JJ used all her strength to fuck her cock into you. Her thrusts were fast and hard and you cried out with the way it was hitting just the right spot inside you. She was really not holding back and soon your grip on the mattress slipped. That didn’t stop JJ, though. As you fell forward, her hand shot out to your hair. With your face already hitting the mattress and your ass up in the air for JJ to keep fucking your pussy from behind, she used this opportunity to bend over you and push your face even harder into the bed. Your cries were getting muffled by the mattress, but JJ didn’t really mind that. Not when she had you in this position. She never thought you could look so absolutely filthy when you were always so god damn innocent, but the way your legs were spread and your ass was pressing into her hips just made you look like an utter mess.

“Such a fucking whore for me,” JJ growled as she fucked you harder. One hand went from your hip to land a hard smack on your ass. All you did was let out a pitiful whine. You were trying your hardest to keep yourself in pace with JJ. The best you could do was grind back a little harder into her cock, but still it was enough to get you off even faster.

JJ could tell from the way you were crying out her name any time she pumped particularly hard into you that you were two seconds away from coming. She wanted you to cum all over her cock and just the thought of that made her go even faster. You were repeating her name in between moans until finally, when JJ’s hand met your ass for another smack, you came. With a loud cry, JJ watched as you released all over her cock. The moan she let out at the sight almost matched yours in volume and she decided she definitely wasn’t done with you.

Her strap left you for just a second. You hadn’t even come down from your orgasm or caught your breath before JJ flipped your body over until your back was on the mattress. She grabbed at your hips again and swiftly pulled you back down onto her cock. The way she put her entire body behind the power of her thrusts this time had you practically screaming. She was fucking you so hard and you already felt entirely too sensitive. The way your body shook and shuddered with each pump of her cock made JJ mesmerized. You really were taking her way better than she even expected.

Her lips crashed into yours and all you could was struggle to kiss her back as muffled moans were swallowed by her. Your hands flew to her back. Nails dug into her skin in a way that was sure to leave marks, but JJ didn’t care. She just needed to see you cum at least one more time for her.

And she got her wish. After two more hard pumps of her hips, she felt more than saw the way you fell apart on her strap yet again. Your back arched off the mattress as she pulled this second orgasm from you. You were forced to break the kiss just so you could turn your head into the bed as you came. When the orgasm finally ran through your body you collapsed back onto the mattress.

There was no way you could take anymore, at least for a little while. JJ knew that and, thankfully, pulled out after a moment. You didn’t move when she did, all you could manage to do was lay there and try to get your heart and breathing under control.

JJ moved to kneel between your legs. Her fingers reached out and ran over the wetness that was covering your thighs. You shivered slightly at the teasing touch, but still kept your head down on the mattress, too tired to move much. JJ took the finger that was covered in your cum and brought it to her lips. The satisfied moan she let out when she tasted you had your head pop back up to see what she was doing. Her eyes were closed as she slowly withdrew her finger from her own mouth.

You thought you were spent, you really did. And in a sense, you were. You even felt sore from how hard JJ had just fucked you, but still you found yourself getting wet all over again from that act.

“We’re not done yet,” JJ said as she licked her lips. “First, I’m going to get you some water and you’re going to take a minute to rest. Then we’re going to go again.”

“Again?!” You were lying if you said you didn’t want to, but also you couldn’t imagine how your body would hold up if she kept fucking you the way she was.

“You said you wanted to help…”

JJ didn’t wait to hear anymore of your protests. Honestly, you didn’t protest much after that. When JJ came back with your water, it took all of two seconds before she was on you again and again and again. By the end of the night you were so fucked out by her that she had to practically carry you to her shower. Even then, she dropped to her knees on the shower floor and ate you out like there was no tomorrow.

Despite being utterly ruined by JJ, you still felt a weird sense of pride. How many people can say they helped bring JJ out of one of her bad moods? You said you wanted to be helpful… And you certainly were.

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monstrousvoice · 1 month

Text

Bedtime

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Relationship: Husk X Reader

AN: Inspired by this post, I wanted to write Husk being sleepy and needing to be picked up from the hotel's bar. Fluffy and sweet! Reader’s gender isnt specified but you do use a couple of sappy, schmaltzy nicknames for Husk, fair warning

Tags: Fluff, References to Alcohol, References to Alcohol Addiction, Sappy Romantic Nicknames, Other Cast Members Mentioned, If I missed any please let me know

Summary: The Hazbin Hotel is pretty peaceful at night.

Read on AO3!

With a huff of frustration you sat up in bed, scrubbing your hands over your face. Your hands dropped to your lap as your eyes wandered the empty bedroom. The lamp light was still on, casting an amber glow over everything from the empty booze bottles still on the shelves you haven't thrown out, to the mounds of dirty clothes neither you nor your boyfriend had bothered to pick up. The clock read midnight. You look to your side, his half of the bed still empty. Still cold.

That was why you were having such trouble sleeping, you knew. You needed your nightly cuddles if you were ever going to fall asleep.

Sighing and stretching your shoulders, you stood up, making yourself look somewhat decent before you left your room. Despite the late hour you knew better than to walk through the hallways without pants on.

It was…surreal to walk through the hotel at night. When you had lived in the center of the Ring, there was always noise, always chaos. There were times you were so scared of being a target for a robbery (or something worse) that you couldn't sleep at all, only closing your eyes for a few minutes before jolting awake at the sound of a car crash and gunfire outside your window.

…But here there was nothing. Night was almost peaceful. If you really strained your hearing or went outside the distant chaos would be noticeable, but walking through red and gold hallways, the only real noise came from your fellow residents.

Sometimes you would come across Nifty scurrying around, dusting and bug hunting and muttering to herself. Sometimes Angel would get back from work in a good mood because Valentino had been in a good mood, and you could hear his favorite music playing from his room as he sang along, spinning Fat Nuggets around and around.

Even when you suspected he was sleeping, the soft sound of jazz and radio static never stopped playing from Alastor's room. You were grateful he was on one of the top floors and far from your room. You don't think your beau would be able to sleep at all knowing his Master was right down the hall.

Sir Pentious could make quite a racket when he was in a tinkering mood, but he always spent his time doing so in the hotel’s workshop and, to give him credit, he tried working on quieter projects during the night after Charlie asked him to keep it down once. Charlie herself, and Vaggie, were both pretty quiet too. The only time you could think of them making too much noise at night was one instance. They had decided to have date night at the hotel watching movies, which led to a tickle fight that had Charlie screeching in joy and sent the rest of you on red alert that she was under attack.

Both her and Vaggie had apologized out of breath and with red cheeks.

You didn't come across anyone tonight as you made your way to the lobby. The tv was off, throw blankets neatly folded on the couch. Some bits of metal and electronics were left on the coffee table, you assumed it was a project Sir Pentious had been working on before calling it a night.

You kept walking, your destination being the bar.

It was neat and tidy as always…except for the unconscious bartender laying across it. You smiled softly as you crept closer, and the sound of soft snoring reached your ears. Husk was dead asleep on his side of the bar, his back slowly rising and falling with even breaths, wings limp and touching the floor. His head was laying on his folded arms, hands still gripping a clean empty glass and a rag.

You hadn't mentioned it to him yet, but you were proud of him. Lately he had been opening up more to the others in the hotel, making actual friends, you dared to call them. And with that change came a change in Husk. He was smiling more, even laughing, and drinking less. It made your heart warm and gooey that he was learning to let his walls down around others besides you.

He was happier.

He wasn't gonna be happy in the morning with a sore neck and pins and needles in his legs for sleeping standing up, however.

You snuck up behind the counter, stepping over his limp tail to get closer to his warmth. With delicate precision you pulled the empty glass and rag out from his claws and set them aside. You slowly wrapped your arms around him next, mindful of his sensitive wings, carding your fingers through the fur covering his arms and shoulders. You leaned close to his flicking ear and whispered.

“Husk? It's time to get up baby…you need to get to bed.” A snort and a twitch of whiskers was your only response. “C'mon, wake up handsome~” you cooed again.

A grunt, and suddenly a golden eye was fluttering open looking around but not really taking anything in. Husk coughed, slowly pulling himself upright and smacking his lips together with a frown. You could guess his last drink was making itself known to his taste buds.

“Fuckin-Wh…where…?” He looked groggy, eyes fuzzy with wide pupils, and the fur on his cheek he had been laying on was clumped together in the cutest case of bed head you've ever seen. (Who were you kidding, every morning waking up next to him was the cutest case of bed head ever-) He gave a loud groan as he stood up, leaning forward hard onto the countertop as his legs and feet woke back up.

“Shiiit…fuckin feet, goddam-...” He muttered and cursed some more, and you wrapped your arms around his middle to help hold him up. Even in his dazed state he tried to return the affection you were giving him, one of his hands moving to cover yours where it gripped him. His tail swished and curled around your legs as he woke up.

“Did you have one too many with Angel again sweetheart? I had asked him to let me know the next time you fell asleep here…” Your brows furrowed in concern. You couldn't really be mad at Angel if he forgot though. When he and Husk drank, they got sloshed.

“N-no…not Angel.” Husk muttered. His baritone voice was deeper than usual, sleep making it sound gravely and…well, husky. He dragged the hand not holding yours down his face, scrubbing and wrinkling his muzzle to wake up more. His mouth opened wide in a yawn, one that granted you a chance to see the rows of fangs he had hidden away in their full glory. You noticed tears pricking the corner of his eyes as the yawn ended and he licked his dry lips.

“...Was Alastor. Wanted some drinks, and when he finally left, I had his mess to clean up.” Your heart ached in sympathy. You know how much a night spent with just Alastor rubbed your man the wrong way. And the worst part was…

You couldn't do anything.

But you could do this for him. You pressed a kiss to his cheek before nuzzling into his neck, taking a deep inhale of his smell. You spoke again, voice muffled by his fur, but with the way his ear cocked towards you, you knew he could understand.

“-’M sorry baby. Com's t’ bed? It's com’y…” He chuckled at your muffled words, turning in your arms to hug you back. Face to face, he was able to nuzzle his own face into your neck this time. Husk took a deep breath and held it for a moment, relishing your scent before breathing hot air against you. It tickled.

“Yeah…yeah ‘m ready for bed…” He mumbled. Despite this you both stood there a moment longer. His arms were so firm and strong where they rested on your hips, and you loved the way his shoulders and back were so easy for you to hold onto. You simply didn't want to move yet. He smelled like booze, of course, but underneath that was the smell of his cheap cologne and his natural scent, and you let it envelope you entirely. Sleepy or not, you could stand here with him for eternity…

But, you figured his feet were probably killing him at this point, and you'd rather you both be comfortable during cuddle time. So, with a sigh you pulled away, but not before giving his other cheek a kiss to match the earlier one. Husk simply smiled at you, eyes hooded and soft with love.

As you both turned to make your way up the stairs to your shared bedroom, neither of you let go of the other. His arm stayed firmly on your hip, keeping you pulled as close to him as possible without tripping you both. You couldn't complain, you were doing the same thing, holding him to your side to support his tired body. His wings still drooped with their weight, the tips of his feathers touching the floor as you walked.

It was a quick walk back to your shared room, kisses and ‘I love you’s being whispered as you went. You didn't even care about the taste of stale booze in his mouth when you kissed him anymore. You had come to love it in a weird, pavlovian sort of way.

When you finally got back, you shut the door behind you with a soft ‘click’, and Husk stayed glued to your side as you did so. Already his eyes were slipping closed again, and the sight had you cooing in adoration.

“You are so adorable you know that? Such a handsome face, looking so sleepy…” He pouted at your words, but the blush on his face was obvious despite his fur.

“Shut that cute mouth up before I shut it myself-” He grumbled.

“Oh? And how would you shut it, hmm? I'm oh-so curious!” You teased him further, and giggled loudly when his response was to bury his face into your chest to hide away.

“-’m too tired for this-” He whined, actually whined, and you relented.

“Okay, okay sweetheart. I'm done, let's go to bed, yeah?” At his tired nod you stumbled your way to the bed, almost tripping on a pile of clothes in the way. When you finally reached the edge of the mattress, Husk finally let you go. He all but dragged himself across the blankets before flopping down on his side, only taking enough time to make sure his wings were tucked away safely and wouldn't get crushed. You stood still, smiling down at him.

“Not even gonna take off your pants big boy?” Your response was a tired huff. Husk laid with his face buried in a pillow, your pillow to be exact, and watched you with one sleepy eye. He held up his arms and made a grabbing motion towards you.

“C’mere doll…wanna hold you…” And if that sight didn't break your heart, nothing could.

“Hold on, let me get you situated.” Husk groaned in protest but didn't stop you as you crawled over the bed and to him. With practiced movements you undid his suspenders and popped open his pants, wiggling his clothes off him. In nothing left but his boxers, you tossed your blanket over him and finally settled down at his side.

Immediately he snuggled into you, pulling himself as close as possible to your body heat and curling himself around you like a leech. His legs wrapped around your hips and thighs, arms around your back as he buried his face into your chest.

He was asleep in moments.

Unable to stop smiling, you brushed your fingers through his fur and settled down yourself, finally feeling the sweet embrace of sleep now that your cuddly man was where he belonged.

#Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Hotel X Reader #Hazbin Hotel Husk #Hazbin Hotel Husk X Reader #Husk X Reader #man its been awhile since I posted anything here and on AO3 #hope yall like it #My Writing

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rans-baby · 2 years

Text

when they think you're going on a date with someone else

a/n: I NEED A REVIVAL OF THE HAIKYUU FANDOM PLS. I NEED HAIKYUU MOOTS TO HELP W THIS BRAINROT.

tw // jealousy, possessiveness, nsfw-ish (no explicit scenes), fwb to lovers, childhood friends to lovers, exes to lovers, mutual pining

part 2 (iwaizumi, kunimi)

ATSUMU

classic fwb to lovers

you and atsumu have been messing around for about a year now, and in the beginning, neither of you wanted anything serious

but over time, you learned each others quirks and habits

he would make you coffee when you woke up and you'd make breakfast and with a chaste kiss to the cheek, you would start your days

you would spend most of your day after work in his apartment just hanging out, watching movies, making dinner, playing board games really anything to spend more time with each other

totally normal fwb behavior!

but one day he noticed that you were a little more dressed up than usual and he couldn't help but ask

"why're you all dolled up tonight sweetheart?" "oh a co-worker asked me out!"

he had never really considered the status of your relationship, but something about you going out with another man rubbed him the wrong way but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was

you were on your way out when you thought he was going in for his usual kiss on the cheek

what you weren't expecting was him to go for your neck, leaving a trail of hickies that had you gripping his shirt and when he looked down your dress, he caught a glimpse of his favorite lingerie set, his

"wouldn't want someone to get the wrong idea, you're mine sweetheart, don't you ever forget that"

you could hear the silent desperation in his voice despite his arrogant facade

needless to say you didn't go anywhere that night

what he didn't know was that you had no intention of going on this non-existent date in the first place but what he didn't know couldn't hurt him

RINTARO

childhood friends to lovers! (personally my favorite trope)

you'd known rin since elementary school, somehow making it all the way to college together

you were inseparable and everyone around you thought you were together

with all the people both of you had rejected in the two decades of being friends, everyone had backed off of both of you after a while

lately you were busy with school and rin was also getting busy with his plans on going pro

over the past six months, you guys hadn't really spend that much time together and while you had missed spending time together you both knew there would always be time in the future for each other

or so you thought

because you had spent so much time apart, people thought that the both of you had become fair game

up until that point, you had both chalked up your lack of love lives to general disinterest in romance

but after you had saw rin at a cafe, your favorite cafe, on a date with his new manager, you came to the realization that you were in love with your best friend

but you thought it was too late, so you had entirely ceased contact with him which hurt him but he wanted to respect your boundaries so he let you be

what he didn't expect was to see you three months later during his practice but before he could reach you, he saw you waving past him, right at one of his teammates

he watched as the man jogged up to you, pulling you into a hug and talking with you animatedly

he was usually a pretty chill guy, but in that moment something lit in his chest that he had never felt before

was that jealousy? he knew he had no right to be jealous, seeing as how he'd gone on his fair share of dates in the past few months but no one caught his interest long enough to last anyways so it wasn't the same as what you were doing to him now

before you realized it, you felt someone loop their arms around your waist from behind

"hey princess, been a while. who's this?" "y/n you never told me this was the infamous rin!"

there was a petty satisfaction in knowing that you had talked about him to other men, especially to men that you were seemingly dating

"rin, this is my cousin, haven't you met before?"

he had a vague memory of meeting someone similar in appearance during high school at your 18th birthday party, but he was too enraptured on how you looked that night to really care about all the people you were introducing him to

his cheeks immediately took on a dark pink hue and he released you with a nervous chuckle

"oh hahah yeah, of course I remember I'm just.. not wearing my glasses today!" "rin, you don't wear glasses"

needless to say you still teased him about that incident to this day, your daughter finding it especially amusing that her stoic father could get flustered so easily, but only for his wife

KIYOOMI

exes to lovers, my second favorite trope!

you and kiyoomi had dated during high school, but neither of you were really ready for what being in a full blown committed relationship meant

kiyoomi had a relatively hard time expressing himself and while you tried your best to encourage him to be more open with his feelings, he genuinely couldn't and so after graduation you had broken up

once you parted ways, he realized his mistake but didn't want to disrupt the life that you were planning on building for yourself, one that he thought would be radically different than the life of a pro athlete

a few years passed and while he occasionally thought of you, it hurt less over time and eventually he had gotten over you

until he saw you with his team one day, well he had heard about you first

"have you guys seen our new athletic trainer? she's so fine, wanna bet who could get with her first?"

he was never one to entertain silly games like that, so he brushed off atsumu's words not really thinking about it

he watched in slow motion as you walked in, waving at atsumu first before turning your head and making eye contact with him before waving at him too, albeit a little less enthusiastically and that hurt him just a little

atsumu sprinted up to you, overhearing him talk about the guy that he saw you with the night before and whining about how you wouldn't give him a chance

"'tsumu he was just a friend, pinky promise!"

he couldn't control himself as he marched straight up to you, grabbing your wrist and dragging you across the gym

"well hello to you too kiyoomi, nice to see you after five years, how are you doing?"

he ignored the sarcasm

"hi y/n, nice to see you after five years too, how are you doing? who's this new guy you're with?"

to say you were surprised was an understatement, his mocking tone catching you off guard

"why do you care? he really was just a friend"

he still wasn't buying it, but after looking into your eyes after five years he couldn't help but spill out all the words that he's wanted to tell you since you had broken up

"and can you please call me omi again?"

his meek tone threw you off, but you would be lying if you didn't say that you were overjoyed at the prospect of finally being able to make things work

"omi, the guy I was meeting with the other night was komori. he needed help planning his proposal so we went out to dinner together. and by the way, I know you didn't ask but yes, I would love to hang out with you after practice"

after all these years you could still read his mind and that thought made his heart flutter in a way that it hadn't since high school

"promise I'll treat you right this time around baby, you aren't going anywhere"

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #atsumu x reader #sakusa x reader #suna x reader #suna rinataro x reader #kiyoomi x y/n #haikyuu x y/n #sakusa kyoomi x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons

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system-to-the-madness · 6 months

Text

My Cards - Spencer Reid x Reader

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (can be read as any gender, no pronouns used) Genre: angst to fluff, hurt/comfort Word Count: 2 916 Warnings: mentions of canon-typical violence (abduction, murder), mentions of drug use in the past Summary: At the day that Spencer is clean for eleven years, he decides it’s time to show you his cards. A/N: I've got a few asorted fics that I've writen ages ago, and will publish one after another (might sprinkle some anime and soc in between). Sorry for that already. If you want to block a certain fandom: the tag to blog is #mad (fandom shortcut) for criminal minds, that would be #mad cm

13 years. That’s how long Spencer Reid was your colleague already. Actually – he would correct you – it had been 13 years, 1 month, 2 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 7 minutes and approximately 26 seconds.

You were not sure for how long he had been your best friend. Probably 12 years. Spencer would not have been able to answer that question if you had asked him. After all this time he still sometimes struggled in accepting that there was someone he could call whenever, literally whenever he needed someone.

You had been with him through thick and thin, had been there for him after he had been abducted by Hankel, had comforted him, when he had cried for Hotch and Jack after Hayley had been murdered, had talked until the early hours of the morning after Emily had supposedly died. You had never been further than a phone call away, had never complained when he called you in the late hours of the night because he had had another nightmare, had cooked him tea or watched trashy soap operas with him when he had felt down.

He wondered if he had ever paid you back enough. Whether the few times you had called him after a nightmare or a traumatic event or a bad case would ever be enough to make up for what you had given him. With you around, his flat felt like a home, with you on the other end of the sofa he did not worry about the shadows lingering in the corners of the room.

He felt like a pervert for the many times he had asked you to share a bad with him, so he could fall asleep more easily. Every time, without fail you had climbed under the covers with him, maybe even wrapped your arms around him and stroked his back, lulling him to sleep. He hated himself for all the times he had reached out a hand while you were sleeping, to feel if you were really there, if your skin was warm, your chest lifting and lowering with even breaths.

People often liked calling him a genius, but it had taken him many years to figure out that somewhere along the line he had fallen in love with you after you had prevented his complete self-destruction over Maeve‘s death. He felt guilty for it, for having fallen in love with you while you had helped him grieve another woman he had loved, and somewhere in his heart still did. One night you had told him, that he would always carry the people he had once loved in his heart. He had asked how it would ever be possible for someone to accept him if a part of him still loved someone else. You had shrugged at that and answered, that this person would have to understand that we are made off who and what we love, that this way Maeve had become a part of him, which this person would love too, if they loved him. He had nodded at that, and wondered if you could ever love him.

When he had first realised his feelings for you, he had thought his heart wanted to numb itself by making up emotions for you to forget about Maeve, but after years he felt just as strongly about you as he had back then, and he came to the conclusion that maybe he had always loved you, deep in his heart.

12 years. That’s how long you had been friends with Spencer. And yet you had the distinct feeling, that tonight was different, that tonight was not his usual call for comfort. He had been nervous, when he had asked you if you wanted to come back to his place after work, and he had never been nervous around you before.

Now you stood in his living room, your shoes kicked off next to the door, just like his, your jacket on the coatrack, half covered by his. Usually you had no trouble to make yourself at home, but Spencer’s behaviour, his nervousness, made you feel like this was the very first time you had stepped into his flat, so you stood in the living room, fiddling with your fingers, while Spencer was searching for something in his bedroom.

When he emerged back into the living room, he tossed you something, which you barely caught. Confused you turned a coin in your hands, the dim light not allowing you to read the lettering immediately, but then you made it out.

“10 years?”

You held up the coin to take an even closer look, but other than that, and a small symbol, you could not find anything else edged into it.

“Is that a sobriety coin,” you asked, handing it back to Spencer, who took the coin back and let it wander through his fingers.

“It is,” he nodded, letting the coin disappear into seemingly thin air, presenting his empty palms to you before he sat down on the sofa.

You tried thinking back to ten years ago, and what had happened back then. Somewhat over eleven years ago Hankle had kidnapped him-

Spencer seemed to have interpreted your focused expression correctly, because without further prompting he explained.

“Dilaudid. Hankel injected me with it repeatedly. I- I developed an addiction.”

For a long while you looked at him as he was fiddling around with the coin again. You had always suspected that there had been a phase soon after the Hankle incident in which something had been off. You had basically lived at his place for half a year, since he had called you every night, asking you to come over. You had never hesitated to do so, your desire to comfort your friend also driven by the worry he might do something stupid. Like give in to an addiction. You should have confronted him about it, should have asked. Actually, you had thought about it, countless times, but always come to the conclusion, that he would only deny everything and shut himself off. You had let him suffer on his own, he had never, until today, felt comfortable enough to tell you about it. Maybe you could have helped him. Maybe-

“Actually, it’s eleven years today,” he suddenly said, and lifted his head to look at you. The coin was, once again, gone. “I just… I wanted to spend today with you, instead of going to a meeting.”

“I-”

The voice died in your throat at Spencer’s soft, lopsided smile, the smile he always gave you when he knew exactly what you were thinking, but also knew it was wrong.

“You think you should have said something back then, don’t you?”

You nodded quietly and watched him lean back into the cushions.

“Would you believe me if I told you that you’re the person, who actually helped me to get clean?”

He chuckled at your furrowed brows and patted the space next to him on the sofa, but you remained standing, rooted in spot. You had no right to sit next to him, to be here in his apartment, to be anywhere near the man you had let down knowingly.

“You left a flyer here once, for the community centre,” Spencer explained.

You remembered the flyer. You had spent hours upon hours looking up drug addiction in law enforcement until you had come across a newly funded self-help group in a new community centre not too far away from his flat. After work you had driven by there and picked up a flyer, which a couple of days later you had put onto Spencer’s table, telling him you were interested in one of the pottery classes, and if he wanted to go with you. The advertisement for the pottery class had been right underneath that for the self-help group and been your boldest attempt at ever confronting him.

“Without that flyer, I never would have had the courage to get help,” Spencer confessed. “Other than you, of course.”

“What did I do,” your voice almost was not loud enough for him to hear, drowned by tears that now also blurred your vision. “I just left you alone, I-”

“You always came when you called,” he explained, “I wanted you over as much as possible so I wouldn’t have time for the next fix. I- well I practically used your compassion to get clean.”

“Why did you never tell me?”

Spencer’s smile slowly died, and he pressed his lips together, a clear sign that he knew the answer but felt uncomfortable sharing it.

After a moment of deafening silence, he answered. “I was scared you’d be disappointed in me.”

“Disappointed? Spencer I could never-”

“It was easier to believe that than to accept the truth, that there really might be a person who would care for me either way, no matter how much I fucked up,” he confessed. “It’s still- I still struggle to accept sometimes that you are always here for me. Like… nobody ever really cared about me, other than my mum, and yet… you’ve been here every time I needed you, for years.”

“Not every time. I should’ve-”

“Every single time. And I just can’t understand why you would do that to yourself.”

“Because you’re my friend, Spencer. And I wanted to help you. Just like you helped me, too, when I needed help.”

“When did I help you?”

“You were the first one to check in on me whenever I had to shoot someone. You always make soup when I’m sick, you come over when I have nightmares, or am just lonely. You take me out to movies when I whine about not having a social life, you read me to sleep, sometimes for hours. Do you even realise how much you helped me all these years? Without you I would’ve quit the BAU a long time ago, but with you I can face the demons.”

Spencer looked at you, really looked at you. The soft orange light of the reading lamp beside the couch made his brown eyes glow like ambers. Neither of you turned away, just blinked occasionally. You wanted to tell him, then and there, that you loved him, that you had loved him for years, but you figured that there were some truths your friendship could not withstand. Maybe Spencer had felt that way about his addiction the whole time too. You wondered if there would ever be a time where you could tell him ‘hey Spencer, actually back then, I was totally in love with you and thought I’d spent the rest of my life with you’, and then you’d laugh about it. You blinked the thought away.

“Why did you tell me now,” you wondered, being the first to break the silence.

“I figured, after eleven years, it’s time to tell someone. So tonight I’m showing you my cards.”

“Cards? Plural?”

“There is one more thing.” Spencer got up from where he had been sitting on the couch, but did not step closer while your thoughts were reeling.

One more thing. Another secret he had never told you. Had he been diagnosed with schizophrenia? No, statistically he was too old for that. Dementia? His mother had it, and sometimes even young people got diagnosed with it. No, probably not, you would have noticed. Was he leaving the BAU? Did he have cancer?

“Whatever world ending scenarios you’re coming up with right now, it’s none of that, I promise you,” he spoke quietly. You hated how well he knew you. Well, not hated, but.. well.

“Is it bad,” you asked, watching how he started fiddling around with his hands again. He suddenly got nervous.

“I don’t know,” he answered, his voice a little higher than before. “It depends, I guess.”

“On what?”

“You.” His answer made your heart sink. “But things will be different, no matter what.”

“I don’t want things to be different,” you shook your head, silent panic rising in your chest. “I like the way things are now.” Quickly you took a few steps across the living room right to him and grabbed one of his hands. “I don’t want things to change!”

“And I don’t want to keep secrets, so please let me be honest.”

For a moment you looked at him, at his beautiful brown eyes, which had brought you comfort for so many years, at his wild, brown curls, at his dress shirt and the loosened tie, and the soft cardigan, and then his eyes again. If you allowed him to speak, you might lose everything you had had with him. He had been your anchor, long before you had developed feelings for him, but now that you had, you wanted to fight, so you did not have to give him up.

But he was his own person. Earlier or later, he would tell you. And he had said whether that secret was bad or not depended on you, so you needed to be ready to accept what he was about to tell you, just like that time your high school crush had confessed to you that he was gay and you had ended up with setting him up with his crush. They were married now. So, whatever it was-

Slowly you nodded, and Spencer’s previously tense features softened slightly. His eyes skipped over your face, making you feel strange self-aware, and his fingers tightened around yours, from where you had taken his hand; a comforting squeeze. Carefully he shuffled closer and bent down. For a moment you thought he might kiss you, but of course he would not do that. Yet he did not lean to your ear either. He just looked at you for a moment, making you hold your breath.

“I’m in love with you,” he whispered, his breath fanning over your lips hotly, “That’s my last secret. I’m in love with you and have been for the past three years. What you do with that information is now up to you.”

For a moment you did not move, did not dare moving, just stared at him with your heart hammering in your chest. You were an excellent profiler, had studied human behaviour for soon 20 years, had learnt to recognise what lying looked like. Spencer was not lying. Maybe you were dreaming, but even then-

A flicker of your eyes to his lips was all it took for Spencer to lurch forward and close the remaining distance between your lips. He was not gentle as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in, but rather desperate, desperate to finally feel you as close as he had always dreamt of, desperate to taste your lips and feel your breath. Hoping to find anything to hold onto, you wrapped your arms around him too, slid one hand into his fine locks, the other gripping tightly into his soft cardigan.

Kissing him was nothing like you had imagined it to be, but so much better. He was careful and yet demanding, and he slipped his tongue over your lips and into your mouth, gentle but unrelenting in the way he held you, walked you back to the couch, where he slowly lowered you down, before sitting down next to you, never breaking the kiss. Faintly you felt his heartbeat in his lips and under his skin, hammering hard, testimony of how much he had wanted this. And with each touch of his, your own guilt over the feelings you had developed for him slowly melted away and left nothing but hot, searing love in its path.

Only when you were out of breath, lips red and swollen, cheeks hot, did you pull away, gently shoved against Spencer’s chest, who was still trying to chase your lips. His eyes were wide and glassy as he finally met yours, still completely entranced, and yet confused as to why you had pulled away.

“Enough,” you commanded with shivering voice and a smile on your face, “enough, I need air.”

“Oh,” Spencer mumbled, and you could pinpoint the exact moment he started building up his walls, already searching for an excuse to explain what just had happened.

Not wanting to allow this, you quickly grabbed his face in your hands, and forced him to look at you. His cheeks were hot, and his eyes danced around uncertainly, before finally resting on yours.

“I’m in love with you too,” you whispered, and leant forward to peck his lips, before quickly hiding your face against his neck. You barely saw his look of doubt turn into that of surprise before a smile took over his face.

“Oh,” he repeated, and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer against his chest. He smelled divine. Like safety, like home.

“Can we just stay like this forever,” you asked, you voice muffled against his skin.

“Actually-” from his tone of voice you could tell he would doubtlessly tell you how long it would either of you approximately take, until one of you needed the bathroom or something to eat, but then he stopped himself. “Yes.”

You chuckled against his neck, causing a shiver to run through him and goosebumps to rise on his arms. Gently you brushed your lips against his skin, not getting enough of how soft it felt. Forever was probably not long enough.

You had been colleagues with Spencer for 13 years, his best friend for 12. But from tonight on you also were his lover.

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