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catasoph · 11 months

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How to kill someone

Tendou Satori x f!reader

Summary: Satori was alone his whole life. Always the monster that nobody wanted around until he found someone that would stay with him till the end.

Words: 2.5k

Warnings: bullying, insults, implied suicidal thoughts, loneliness, angst, hurt/comfort

There was only a little boy sitting at a large table filled with plates and cups for no one to be used, with drinks and snacks that no one would touch. He had a little party hat on his red hair but no one who he would share all the happiness, that once radiated of him, with. His little hands were clenched tightly into his new shirt, his bottom lip wobbling and his eyes becoming glassy but no tear was shed. A woman with a large smile came into the room, holding a cake with chocolate gloss all over it. It wasn`t a masterpiece but it showed that she cared.

“Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Satori. Happy birthday to you!” Before her silvery voice could finish the song the boy in front of her started weeping. His face scrunched up until a stream of tears followed. His mother gently placed the cake on the fully decorated table, just to crouch down next to her boy and hold him tightly. “Ohh honey, I´m so sorry.” His tears were soaking into the fabric of her wonderful dress but she didn`t budge. She didn`t push him away or reprimand him for ruining it. Satori was just a child desperately wanting to feel loved and if his friends couldn`t do that, then his mother would need to step up. “Why didn`t they come?” His little hand still clinging to her form while his pleading eyes were looking right through her. How should she answer that? How should she explain to her son that his friends were playing with his feelings, trying to torture him? “I don`t know, darling.” She tried smiling, lifting the corners of her mouth but it couldn`t reach her eyes, because she knew. They both did.

Every year after that he tried again and again. But no one ever showed up to his birthday parties. After that, the first day of middle school was the chance he had been waiting for. He was bouncing with energy, ready to make everything right. When his mom pulled up to school to drop him off he saw all these unfamiliar children. The reason for all the nervous tugging and quickly looking around from others, was the reason Satori's heart was nearly pounding out of his chest, accompanied by a big smile. Nobody knew him here. Nobody to ignore him, pretend to be his friend but call him names behind his back. It was finally going to be better.

His mother tried to give him a reassuring smile, holding his hands for a second too long with clammy hands while saying goodbye. As soon as her boy turned around running over to the other kids going to his classroom, her smile fell and she started nibbling on her bottom lip. Nearly making it bleed again after doing it repeatedly for the last few days. He was gonna be alright. Satori bounded into his new classroom. Eyes sparkling with excitement. Finally, after everything he would find friends. He could join a sports club to find people that had the same interests as him. They could train together and go to tournaments. He would be just like everybody else.

One of his little hands was reaching for the doorknob of the classroom while his other one was holding the strap of his backpack. Squeezing it occasionally to contain his excitement. The door was pushed open and a few heads turned around with big eyes. Nervousness radiating off them to see who else would be in their class. Satori's smile stretched over his whole face, showing his teeth that were still a bit too big for his mouth. His eyes scrunched together a bit. His eyes scanned the crowd for a place to sit, waving shyly at his new classmates that were still watching him until his eyes landed on them. Two boys, who seemed ohh so innocent but were the demons his nightmares were made of. His supposedly friends, which ignored him, talked behind his back and called him bad names at the end of primary school. They were everything he had wanted to avoid for his new beginning. "Hey, look who else is here?" Akui pointed out. He was a plain-looking kid. Dark hair falling over his face and almost hiding his small brown eyes. He was gesturing towards Satori, making the other boy at the table next to him turn around. Yumekuis freezing cold eyes fell on him and a wicked smirk danced along his features that had to look so innocent to everyone else seeing their interaction.

"Hey freak, nice to have you back in our class." The glint in his eyes darkened while he waved toward Satori and made a gesture to the table in front of them. They wanted him to sit with them. It wasn`t a friendly request so they could all be together. It was meant to be Satori's slow execution. He wanted to torture everything that Satori stood for. But he sat. Even though everything in him screamed to stand up, to run, to fight, to cry, to do anything but sit. He sat. Moving mechanically and not moving a muscle after he had found his place. He was paralyzed. The cruel truth of destiny had shown him that he could not outrun his fate. All other children would have been ecstatic to see a familiar face in the same room as them but for Satori it was a nightmare come true. Satori had thought weeks before stepping foot into his new classroom that things would be finally better, but after a few months, he realized how horrible it was going and that nobody had his back except for himself. And even he wanted to give himself up so badly and put a knife in his heart to end it all. The pain and suffering. The feelings. From day one everyone was against him. He became the monster. The soul-sucking demon nobody was allowed to touch otherwise you got a disease.

It was the second period. Their teacher had written a math problem on the blackboard and tried to explain a new formula to solve it. But it was hard to listen when little paper pieces were stuck in his hair and occasionally wet pieces found their way to his forehead. Satori was never sure if someone used water from their bottle for it or just their own saliva. His table was filling up with garbage from every side. But their teacher stayed oblivious. Never calling the other students out and putting an end to the battle against the monster, as the other children often called it. As if he was a demon that would steal the happiness out of their lives and they had to fend him off.

It never ended there. Throwing garbage was just the beginning and as the months progressed his classmates grew braver. Putting his binders into the trash followed by his backpack. They stole his homework and pulled down his pants. It was exhausting. He was always waiting for the next attack. A new move they would pull on him to hurt him. It didn`t matter what he did to prevent it. They were always there. Watching him, waiting for the perfect opportunity to attack and humiliate him. All their eyes were always on him. He could even feel them at home in the own comforts of his room. Middle school was hell and Yumekui was the reason it got created. The redhead was at the top of the mountain called loneliness and was just a slight push away from rolling down the other side, plummeting into a deep, cold lake that would finally freeze him. An end that he could already see from the top. It didn`t take long as the last push came. He was a stone that got kicked down, so it could sink into the darkness.

It was a Thursday afternoon and the sun was shining mercilessly down onto the courtyard. From the window, he could see children playing basketball or hide and seek. They all had huge smiles plastered onto their faces and even the kid that fell a second ago, was already on his feet again when one of his friends stretched a hand out to him and helped him up. Satori also needed someone to help him up. He joined the volleyball team of his school to find a person that could understand him. Instead, he found his talent. A passion that had kept him alive for longer. One that gave him hope. They had training on Thursday afternoons but as he wanted to grab his bag full of sportswear, he grabbed into nothingness. His bag was not where he had left it. The emptiness of the coat rack was taunting him. He could already see the disappointed and pitying eyes of his mother when another binder got lost or his backpack broke again. But losing his sportswear was worse because he knew he would have never misplaced it. Volleyball was his dream. He would never be so careless as to jeopardize it. The snickers coming from the last remaining students in the classroom also confirmed it. He hadn`t misplaced or lost it. It got stolen, because everyone hated him and no one wanted to play with him. No one could endure the satisfaction in his eyes when he blocked another spike and finally had the upper hand. So when they had a chance to take away his safe space. His paradise. They stopped at nothing. No feelings or expenses were spared because for them he didn`t deserve it. Satori went with hanging shoulders out of the classroom, eyes fixated on the floor so nobody could see the tears dripping down his cheeks. He was just a boy scared his whole life would be similar. Full of people that didn`t know him but hated him for his looks. He was scared that the bullying would only get worse, with no one to rely on but himself. He walked slowly down the corridor. Thinking about just going home, skipping training when anyways nobody wanted him there. Or if he should go to the gym, make up an excuse about forgetting his sports clothes. Standing his ground and showing his classmates that they couldn`t take that from him. But would it be worth it? To arrive there and only see disgusted faces. Two girls were coming his way, whispering their words and snickering quietly. They had something to do with it. Satori could see it in their eyes. They knew and they didn`t look at him with pity, they thought he deserved it. Until screaming was heard from the end of the corridor.

A girl was standing with their back towards him, gripping a bag that looked incredibly familiar while Yumekui was holding onto the other end. "Stop it! These are not yours!" The girl pressed out. Her whole face was red for exertion but her hands were not budging when Yumekui tried to rip it out of them once more. Satori walked closer to the action to confirm what he already thought. A girl he didn`t know was fighting for his gym clothes. Yumekui's hardened eyes lifted and fell automatically onto Satori. Immediately he let go of the bag and put an annoyed look on his face. Letting the girl stumble back but smile in victory. "Tsk, whatever. Keep this dirty thing." The boy tried to sound nonchalant but failed with the look he threw one last time at the pair before turning around. After he was gone the girl sighed in relief. The last tension was leaving her body before Satori spoke up and she went rigid again.

"That`s my bag." He said timidly, pointing with his long fingers toward her hands. Immediately she jerked around, her eyes wide. "Sorry! I wanted to bring it back but I wasn`t sure who it belonged to and Yumekui didn`t want to give it to me." She rapidly explained, putting a small smile on Satori's face which seemed to relax her. "Where did you find it?" "It was in the bin at the entrance." She explained while handing it over to the boy who had lost his smile again. The truth dawned on him, that this would happen more often now and Yumekui would always find new places to hide it. "I like your smile more." She spoke up once again, a frown now also gracing her lips. Satori took cautiously a step back. His brain going a mile a minute trying to figure out where the trap is. Was that girl in it as well? Is she only pretending to play nice to play an even sicker joke? Was she faking liking him, be his friend only to abandon him? Point with a finger at him, laughing uncontrollably while asking who would want to be the friend of a monster. He imagined a thousand scenarios but her eyes looked at him with so much concern that he couldn`t find the will to just run. He couldn`t even form words but she seemed to understand his inner turmoil. "Are you good at volleyball?" A shy nod followed from Satori before his eyes found the floor again. "Do you want to play before the next lesson starts?" His head jerked up, surprise flashing through his eyes while she just smiled. Satori eyed her suspiciously but she was unfazed, just waiting for him to confirm or deny. So he nodded making her beam at him even brighter before she took his hand and bounded with him over to the yard. "I`m (Y/N) (L/N) by the way. Nice to meet you." After that, there was always someone to hold him. They would play volleyball together and (Y/N) would look at him as if he was a miracle. She would always come to his birthday parties or as they got older, plan them herself. Their last year at Shiratorizawa came around and it was clear they all would go their separate ways. Moving to different cities or even countries and chasing their own dreams. Satori's birthday rolled around again. He was no longer filled with dread when he thought about that day because he knew there was always at least one person to remember it. When he came to class that morning a muffin was standing on his table and behind it, Semi and Ushiwaka were standing with neutral expressions. "Hey, guys. Is that for me?" Satori beamed, eyeing the little treat excitedly. "Of course, it's for you. Happy Birthday." Semi rolled his eyes at him but had a small smile on his lips. "I also wish you a pleasant birthday, Tendou." The redhead laughed thanking his ever-stoic friend as he gave him a little bag with presents their whole team had contributed to. Just as he was about to look at it another voice filled the classroom. The door flung open and loud panting was heard, followed by singing as Satori turned around. "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Satori. Happy Birthday to you!" Her face was bright red and her hair disheveled. It was the most beautiful sight he had seen all morning. "Thank you, Paradise." It wasn`t only gratefulness for her to remember his birthday but for her to stand by his side for all these years and save him from himself.

#writers #writers on tumblr #tendou satori #tendou fluff #tendou x you #tendou x reader #tendou x y/n #shiratorizawa #haikyu x reader #haikyuu #happy birthday #bullying #angst #hurt/comfort #fanfiction #tendou imagine #anime #sport anime

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morrimorriarts · 9 months

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The Reason Why You Love Him

An Akaashi Keiji (Haikyuu) x Reader Oneshot

A one-shot of your relationship with Akaashi - and everything that came with it.

This fic includes: Gender Neutral Reader, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Themes, Mild Cursing, Self-starvation,

Word Count: 11k Words

Enjoy!

THE REASON WHY YOU LOVE HIM

Maybe it's the way he smiled.

When Akashi Keiji smiles, it’s in a soft way - his lips turn up, cheeks rising a little. When he smiles, the people around who see him blushes, for who has ever seen a sight so beautiful?

But when Akaashi Keiji smiles, it’s warm. His mouth curls upwards, his eyes turning to crescents as they smile, too. His lips part to show a bit of his teeth, while gentle pinks seem to bloom at his cheeks. Sometimes, he laughs shortly after, a sound deep from his throat, melodious and comforting.

The first time Akaashi Keiji smiled at you, it was the day you first met.

He sat right next to you, neat and composed as the other students came filing in. It's the first day of school and you thank the heavens the person you are seated with looks gorgeous and smart.

You were the first to speak.

"Hello." Your voice is quiet, almost shy, a part of you is afraid he won't reply. His head rose and he turned to look at you.

He replied, “Hello.”

You fumble with your greetings and introduction, your own name stumbles out of your lips - there is something about him that has made you a little tongue-tied. When he smiles and gives you his name, your brain is quick to repeat it a second, third, fourth, fifth time. “My name is Akaashi Keiji,” He said, “I hope we get along.”

He smiles. It is the first time you feel your heart skip a beat.

“I’m sure we will.” You respond with a smile.

Maybe it’s his kindness, even if it feels a little limited at times.

Akaashi Keiji knows how to give - all within reason, of course.

He’s the type to lend an eraser or a pencil, but only if it’s the extra.

“Akaashi… can I borrow your pencil?” You asked quietly, leaning to his direction. He looks at you for a brief second, before he turns and opens his pencil case. Soon enough, he’s handing you a pencil,

And when he handed it towards you, your skin buzzed for a second when the two of you touched, even if it was only for a moment. “I’ll return it after class.” You said, he only nods. When you turn away, there’s a thrum beneath your skin and the pencil lended to you feels like gold.

He’s the type to share his book with you, but makes no move to adjust.

So you move your seat closer to his, peering into his open book as you take note of the lesson. Akaashi is kind enough to wait for you to finish taking notes before turning the page, his own hands working quickly to paste translucent sticky notes along the important details. He has an entire pack of it by his side, scribbling more information on the spaces in between.

Akaashi is kind enough to help you study between classes or to help you clear up confusing lessons.

“Factor them, so you can get rid of some of the components.” Akaashi murmurs, writing on your paper to show you. “Like this.” He said softly, patiently. You nod along as he said, “Okay, now you cancel both the (x+1) on the denominator and numerator.” You follow his instructions, calmed by his patience to teach.

“It’ll be easier for you if you memorize the formulas and such. During the quiz, you’ll probably have no time to keep on doing things manually.” He said.

You laugh sheepishly, “I’ll try… you’ll still help me, right?”

“I can help you study.” He said with finality.

The day of the exam, you lean towards him a little, but before you can even ask for his help, his arm has already covered his answers. He raises an eyebrow at you, which makes you turn back to your own paper.

And yet, when you sulk afterwards, he gives you a small carton of banana milk, though he bumps it on your forehead first before he sets it down.

If not, then maybe it’s his voice.

Because when Akaashi Keiji spoke, he spoke smoothly, he did not stutter nor show signs of doubt. It’s one of the reasons why people like him so much.

You look up at him from your seat, watching him stand as he was called on by the teacher. Akaashi opens his book, beautiful eyes finding where the last reader left off, before he starts to speak. His english is a little heavy, yet flows well as he reads the part of the poem assigned to him.

He distracts you enough that you do not realize when the poem has ended and where your daydreaming began.

Akaashi looks at you, blinking before turning away.

If you weren’t called to read the next part, maybe you would’ve paid more attention and saw how he too, stared as you spoke, soft pink rising up his neck.

And if it’s still not that, then maybe it’s because of his presence alone.

Akaashi sits silently to the side, eating a rice ball as he reads a book. All around you, your friends babble on and on about a new cafe that opened just down the street, a few blocks away from your school.

You’re about to say that you want to go to the aquarium instead, when the others started to gush all about the food that they want to try out in the new cafe. “Are you okay with going to the cafe?” They asked you, simultaneously turning their heads towards your direction.

Your throat constricts a little, as if your heart has jumped to your tongue. It takes you a second before you say, “Yeah… sure.”

“Alright, this Saturday, then!” They grinned.

They leave soon after the bell rings, leaving you fiddling with your hands, budgeting everything in your mind. You sighed, when you turned back to the side, Akaashi was looking at you. “Oh, sorry. Were we too loud?” You asked.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” He asked.

Your eyebrows furrow, “Tell them what?”

“That you didn’t want to go to the cafe.” He said simply.

You tense up under his gaze so much that “What?” Is the only thing that you can utter.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear.” He smiled.

You shake your head, “No, no- but… how did you know?”

Akaashi Keiji’s reply is simple, “Your tone was different. When you really agree to something, you sound much happier than that.” When you don’t reply and only stare back, Akaashi blinks before taking it as a sign that the conversation is over. He turns back to his book, finishing his rice ball as he flipped to another page.

A part of you wants to end it at that, but the other, more impulsive part is quick to ask - “Then, would you like to go to the aquarium with me?”

Akaashi stared for a moment, before he smiled and said, “Sure.”

That was what led to this, to walking under glass-kept waters, where above you both, schools of fish swimming away from sharks, the mutterings of other visitors reaching your ears as they talked.

You try to remember all the fish facts you read up online - maybe it will impress him, maybe it will make him talk more. You go on and on and on. Akaashi only nods along. There is a pang in your heart and you feel your hands tremble.

You try again, you start to ask questions.

“What’s your favorite fish?” You asked, by now, you’ve forgotten that you’re here to look at the animals, not fumble over words as you desperately try to make conversation. Akaashi shrugs - he doesn’t have one.

You try again.

“Have you been to an aquarium before?” Yes.

“When?” When I was 10, I came with my family.

“Did you like it?” Not much.

You spew out questions until you’ve run out of breath trying to get rid of the silence. So you ask a question you don’t like asking.

“I’m sorry, am I annoying you?” You asked. You dread the answer he will give - what if he found you boring, or noisy, or selfish, or a know-it-all, what if he hates you? What if he regrets coming here?

Akaashi responds with a small shake of his head, “You’re not.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to fill the silence-” You said again, you don’t believe that you’re not. Because you’ve heard that before. “I just-” You hate yourself for stuttering, “I just don’t want this to be boring.”

“You don’t have to force yourself to talk.” Akaashi said, blinking seriously and offering you a small smile. “I enjoy your company as is.”

Akaashi walks beside you - he is silent. Yet, for the first time, the silence doesn’t bother you.

And oh. There is comfort in his silence.

Where others’ felt tense and frustrating, Akaashi’s silence felt normal. His presence does not leave with the sound of his voice, no, instead, it only seems to solidify - because Akaashi Keiji doesn’t need to speak to say that he’s there.

The two of you end up in front of a couple stingrays, you can’t help but put your hands against the glass, marveling at the way they glide through the water. One of them swooped upwards and you can’t help but giggle at the seemingly smiling face of the animal. Your eyes followed it as it swam around.

When you turn back to Akaashi, he is smiling. “You finally look happy.” He said.

A dark blush rose from your neck - you don’t know if he knew how his words have affected you, or if he even knows how he sounded but you don’t speak of it. You simply bask in the moment, part of you registers this as a date, but the more rational part of you labeled it as platonic. You decide to ignore them both, instead, you simply walk with him along the lit path of the dark aquarium. All around you are silhouettes of other people, a thousand buzzing voices tuned out by Akaashi’s presence.

He, alone, is enough to draw your attention even as he did nothing to get it.

Soon enough, you stood by the edge of a dolphin show, watching with wonder as trainers guide and instruct three dolphins to play around. You don’t mind the way that the water splashes on your new outfit, nor the noise of the other visitors. Beside you, Akaashi watches, as well.

One of the dolphins practically flies out of the water, making you slap his arm excitedly as you point towards it. Akaashi only chuckles - he doesn’t mind the way that you’re acting, letting you do as you wish.

And when the show is over and the dolphins swim freely, Akaashi is the one who holds you back from touching them when they get close - when you pout at him he only says, “It’s unpredictable.”

You’re quick to get over it, going over instead to a penguin enclosure, where workers come and let you feed the penguins. You’re quick to wear the gloves, throwing fish just a few feet from where you both were, watching in amazement as the penguins waddle and swarm at the food. You look over to grin at him, “Can you take a picture?”

Akaashi nodded, pulling out his phone to capture pictures of you and your antics around the aquarium. Soon, you both end up under glass again, looking up at the fish that swim by.

“Look! It’s a hammerhead shark!” You smiled, watching it swim up above you both.

Suddenly, you feel his hand close over yours, he pulls you away from a group of visitors you were about to collide with. “Ah, sorry.” You smiled sheepishly at them. When they’re gone, you thank Akaashi, who only nodded.

You don’t comment on it when he keeps on holding your hand - why would you?

As you look around and take your own pictures, Akaashi is the one who tugs you in a certain direction to avoid you getting in an accident. Your mind is aware of your surroundings - after the first time, your brain becomes more alert in order to not embarrass yourself and yet, you let him. You let Akaashi hold your hand, directing you where to go even if you knew it.

A part of you warms at the amount of care the simple gesture showed.

The time to leave comes, but instead of parting ways, you let him walk the both of you to a small cafe near the aquarium. You don’t mind that as he does, his hands still keep themselves intertwined with yours

Your skin flushes at each squeeze or tug of his concern.

He squeezes your hand by the crosswalk just as the lights turn red and the cars stop, holding your hand in a hold that is secure, yet comfortable - he didn’t hold your hand like the bruising grip of your parents, or the loose grip of your laughing friends. He held your hand. He held your hand.

He opens the door for you when you get there, letting you sit as he leaves to get your orders. It is then that he leaves your hand unoccupied. And when he went away, you clutch your hand to your chest.

Akaashi Keiji holds your hand once and your heart thrums in his name.

No? His care, then.

After all, it was Akaashi Keiji who cared enough about you to ask where you were when you were absent in school. "Are you okay?" He asked over the phone.

You sniffle, the cold has lessened but the ache in your body remained, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little bit under the weather."

After school hours, you are surprised to see multiple notifications of texts from him. When you open them, you giggle at the sight of photographs of his notes (thoughtfully separated by subject) and a text listing a to-do list of things you need to catch up on.

You smile and text him, 'Thank you :D'

Your phone dings. He replies, 'You're welcome.'

Still no? Then maybe his passion.

Akaashi Keiji's passion burns silently. It's there, but it doesn't spread like a wildfire. Instead, it's a well-kept flame that never dies.

You step into the gym, looking around curiously.

You sit by the benches, the sight of volleyball and players aren't new but this sight of Akaashi is. Akaashi's gentle hands seem a little more aggressive in court. His eyes seemed a little sharper and calculative as he made quick judgments of who to set to and how to fool the enemy into making a mistake.

You're completely taken by the sight of it.

Akaashi doesn't scream out motivation to his teammates, but his actions are loud enough. You can barely keep yourself seated, the Bento box you spent hours making feel heavier in your hands.

A whistle blows as both teams breathe heavily. Your heart sinks when you see Akaashi's team panting as the other team celebrates.

Akaashi walks off at the same time as the others do.

You're quick to stand and go after him. When you catch up, he's scowling slightly in front of a vending machine, watching the drink drop. It melts away at the first sound of your footsteps.

He turns his head and looks at you when you call out to him. You fumble with your words, "Uhm- thank you for the notes. I, uh, made this for you." You said, extending the Bento Box towards him.

He takes it hesitantly. "You didn't have to."

You respond, "I wanted to."

You walk with him to the cafeteria, where you both sit down to start eating.

"Are you okay?" You ask. It feels a little awkward.

Akaashi looks at you, "Of course." The tight grip he has on his chopsticks is enough to let you know how he truly felt.

You watch him carefully, trying to see if he liked it.

He doesn't show his emotions obviously but you see the small jump on his eyebrow when he ate the egg rolls you made, or the light, quick purse of his lips when he sees the slightly burnt sausages. "If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it." You said.

Akaashi Keiji stares at you as he puts another sausage in his mouth.

You fiddle with your fingers, that is when he asked, "Did you get hurt while making this?" You look down at your bandaged fingers and quickly hide them under the table.

"No?" You said, flinching when it comes as a question instead of a statement.

Akashi blinks. You relent. "Fine. Yes I did."

He sighed but didn't say anything else.

And yet, before lunch break ended, Akaashi sat by you, changing your sloppily applied bandages with new ones. "You have to disinfect the cuts first before you bandage them." He reminds you, "And next time, be more careful."

When he's done, he places another carton of banana milk into your hands, "Here, it'll make you feel better."

By the time school is over, your eyes wander to see where Akaashi might've gone. You ask around, no one really knows either - this is why you hated Thursdays, because Thursdays meant having only one morning class with Akaashi. You text him, waiting for a reply as your feet continue to wander.

He does not reply.

Finally, you end up by the gym. You jump slightly at the sound of balls hitting the ground. When you step inside, you see Akaashi, standing only a few feet away from the net, setting for people who weren't there.

"Akaashi?"

Your voice breaks his concentration, making him tense. He caught the ball in his hands, looking over to you, asking what you needed.

You asked him, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied. A part of you knew that he wasn't.

So you walk in, false confidence draped on your shoulders as you asked, "Do you want help?"

Akaashi is hesitant, but he accepts.

Soon, you are throwing balls in his direction, his body moving almost on autopilot as he keeps on setting again and again and again. By the time you're both done, the sun begins to threaten that it will leave entirely, giving you only minutes of sunlight before the two of you finally make your way out.

"I'll walk you home," he said.

You shake your head. Though the two of you go towards the same initial direction, you know that when you reach the third intersection, you'd have to part. His house is to the left of the third intersection, yours is to the right of the fifth. If he goes to yours, he'd have to walk for thirty minutes more and you knew he was tired. You knew he was slowly burning out.

So you said, "You don't have to."

He replied, "I want to."

You couldn't find it in yourself to say no to that.

The two of you stop by a small shop.

You buy him strawberry milk the same time he bought you banana milk.

So maybe you don't hate Thursdays as much anymore. Because now, Thursdays meant late volleyball with Akaashi, followed by a night walk and banana milk.

Ah. When did you start liking banana milk?

Maybe it's all of the above.

Before you knew it, you only have a year left before college comes so you stand beneath a cherry blossom tree, cursing under your breath because fuck, this is so cliche.

It’s spring and everything is blooming - everyone is confessing. It feels so stupid to do the same but your heart is thumping like crazy and everything else feels irrelevant. Who cares if it’s cliche? Who cares if it’s been done before? Who cares if it’s obvious?

It’s your feelings and you have the right to do with it as you wish so when Akaashi comes into view, everything melts away. Suddenly, it’s just him and you under a cherry blossom tree.

You know that he knows - after all, how could he not?

And yet, you still spit it out, the words that feel so big on your tongue. “I like you.” You said, screwing your eyes shut as you try to ask your heart to calm down because if not, you might just pass out right then and there. “I like you so much.” You breathe, your lungs stagger and ache as you try to take in oxygen.

Akaashi Keiji replies. “Why?” You open your eyes, it’s then that you see the cards of pinks and glitters tucked crumpled on his pockets, and the plastic bag of chocolates he was holding. Ah. There were those that came before you.

You stammer - you didn’t think of a poem to tell him how much you like him or a beautiful metaphor that illustrates how you feel. “I-” You stumble over your words, “I just- I just like you.”

“When I’m with you, I’m comfortable and I feel accepted and I haven’t felt this way before.” You said, you feel all tongue-tied again, as if each syllable is stuck in your throat and you have to force them out each time. “I love your silence, when I’m with you I don’t feel pressured to be someone I’m not and I… I appreciate the way you treat and care for me.”

Your answer is all over the place, if you knew, you would have memorized an essay that answered him fluently and properly, you would construct a message that had clear points, you wouldn’t stutter or doubt if your message is coming through. If you knew he would ask ‘Why?’, you would have written a thousand words to tell him why you liked him but you didn’t.

So you conjure all the ways you liked him - “I like it when we touch, because your hands feel warm and soft and when you held my hand that day we went to the aquarium, I couldn't help but want you to keep on holding on to me. I’m jealous of all the girls who had the courage to confess to you before me- I envy their strength to look you in the eyes and tell you ‘I like you’ because I’m confessing to you right now but I can’t look you in the eyes because I’m embarrassed and I feel underprepared.” You spoke quickly, looking down on the ground as you gripped the box of homemade cupcakes you baked for him specifically for today.

“I want to give you something better because now I see what the others gave and it’s all so expensive but I- I don’t have enough money to afford that much and I never really had a talent for writing heartfelt letters because they all end up cheesy but I- I wanted to do it for you. So instead, I made you cupcakes! But I don’t think you’ll like them because- because it’s my first time making cupcakes of this flavor because I know you like this but I’ve never made it before but I wanted to make it for you but Akaashi I’m so nervous that I’m speaking the first thing that comes in my mind. So please, if you’re going to reject me, please just reject me already-” You were going to look up to look him in the eyes when he cut you off.

“May I kiss you?” He asked softly.

His words are enough to make your brain short-circuit.

“What?” You asked - you must have heard him wrong.

Akaashi repeats his question, “May I kiss you?”

You stammer - what even is there to say? You respond a little quicker, tongue tripping on words, "Y-yes!"

Akaashi Keiji leans in, you freeze. His hands cupped both sides of your cheeks, you have a second to register how he drops the plastic bag filled with chocolate treats. You have another to panic about whether or not your breath smells good and whether or not you should open your mouth or keep it closed.

Akaashi Keij kisses you under a cherry blossom tree and shit, it's fucking cliche but you love it - because that moment, that fraction in time is strictly just yours and his. It didn't matter that this was probably done before, that multiple students have probably kissed under the same tree… what mattered is that Akaashi Keiji's lips are on your own and your first kiss tastes like chocolates and lip balm.

Akaashi pulls away, you finally dare to look at him and your heart skips a beat at the sight of his flushed cheeks and the way his breaths seem labored. He is just as breathless as you are.

His hands are still holding your cheeks.

You feel them tremble against your skin.

Before anything else could happen, impulsivity pushes you to pull him in again by the collar of his uniform. Until his lips are flush against yours for the second time because once is not enough.

Your grip on his clothes tighten.

Ah, you're probably going to buy chocolate-flavored lip balm soon.

Maybe it's something entirely different.

Being with Akaashi means a good morning text by the time you wake up and a goodnight text before you sleep. The sight of it is enough to make you kick your feet in the air, heart acting like drums as they beat against your hollowed ribs.

Being with Akaashi means little study dates in the library, tucked in some corner where no one will interrupt you both. He leaned towards you, voice patient when he said, “Now you have to convert it to moles.” He nods along when you do it correctly, but is quick to correct you when you get it wrong. And in turn, you help him review for tests you knew he could do on his own.

“But I want to do this with you.” He said, when you mention that he can probably review this by himself. Akaashi stares at you. As you stare into his blue eyes, you realize that it’s really easy to fall a little deeper, until you’re neck deep and your heart swells.

You smile. “Okay… let’s continue then.”

You remember that the first time the two of you decided to go on a real, official date, it’s in a botanical garden. The coming of Spring has driven the both of you to visit one. That is what gets you on a train going to Kyoto, your lips curved into a smile as you show him the destination - Kyoto Botanical Garden. You’ve already told him about this, knowing that he would appreciate having the chance to make a loose plan the two of you can follow to make the most of the day.

Akaashi doesn’t say much, he only says that he’s looking forward to it, as well. A part of you is nervous that he’s pretending - ah, maybe this is an elaborate prank and Akaashi Keiji is much more cruel than you think - but before you can overthink it any further, Akaashi clamps his hand on top of yours, intertwining them securely.

You lean on his shoulder.

Akaashi tenses.

Immediately, you move to pull away, only to have his unoccupied hand pat your head, gently guiding it back on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs softly, “it’s my first time being like this, so I didn’t expect it.”

“Oh… it’s fine.” You smile to yourself, giving his hand a little squeeze.

The world falls silent. You think to yourself, ah, could this get any better?

Akaashi turns and places a soft kiss on top of your head and you think - yes, yes it can.

The two of you arrive at the garden at exactly 11:07 AM. The moment you do, you find a good place to snap a picture of both of your shoes. It’s followed by a selfie near the gates, making you glad that you brought your selfie stick along.

Akaashi steps close to you as the two of you pose for the picture, his hand finding your waist as natural as the leaves falling from nearby trees. And perhaps a part of you falls along with them as you feel his hold. You’re quick to take pictures, walking around and talking with him as you did.

Your feet lead you to the Rhododendron Garden. You feel your breath taken away by the sight of the flowers. You lead him nearer, taking pictures of the pink, red, and orange flowers. Akaashi’s hands are the ones who stop you from touching them.

“They can cause skin irritation.” He says simply.

You turn to him. “How did you know?”

He looks back towards you, “Research.”

A soft chuckle leaves your lips and you tease him, “Wow, I didn’t know you were such a nerd.” You stuck your tongue out to him playfully, making him huff a little. “Was it for an assignment? Or a project?”

“No.” He answered, holding your hands again.

“Then for what?” You smiled.

“For you.” He murmurs. “Plants and flowers are beautiful, yes, but I didn’t want to risk you getting harmed if you accidentally touch or eat one.”

“Eat one?” You asked. “You think I would eat a flower?”

“...yes.” He said, almost slowly as his eyes flicked to the side for a moment before his sight trails back to you. “I simply want to keep you safe and sound-” His explanation is cut off by the sound of your laugh, loud and kind of boisterous. He looked dumbstruck - a part of him had expected you to get offended… a part of him did not realize your laugh sounded this beautiful.

“Fine, whatever.” You chuckle, trying to brush it off and ignore the blush that has risen to your cheeks. “Whatever you say, I guess.” And if you hold his hand a little tighter, Akaashi speaks nothing of it. Instead, he gives your hand a small squeeze.

You venture towards the Rose Gardens, past a section of the Botanical which was fashioned to look European. You bend down a little, taking photographs of the flowers. "They're beautiful." You smile, eyes following the way they sway in the wind.

You don't see the way he looks at you - you are far too distracted by the roses to see it.

He says, "Yes, they are."

His gaze burns.

You end up walking along the central lawn, walking into a homey cafe as Akaashi holds your hand. “Lunch first, then we go to…” You scroll along your phone, where you have a map of the place saved. "The Japanese Gardens, right?”

Akaashi nods as the two of you set down your things. You sit in front of each other, quickly deciding on what you’ll get. Soon, he leaves you to get your orders, you stay seated, waiting patiently. When he gets back, he carefully places your Udon Noodle Soup in front of you, followed by a glass of water. On his side, he places a bowl of Katsudon. Followed by this is a plate of gyoza, which came with a small container for the sauce.

He smiles, “Be sure to eat well.” You can only nod as the two of you start eating, hands gripping your chopsticks securely. Somewhere in the middle, Akaashi catches you giving small glances towards his Katsudon, without hesitation, he picks up a piece and extends his hand out towards you. “It’s tasty, try it.”

You hesitate, before deciding to eat it. You lean in, taking it from his chopsticks and chewing slowly, nodding as he asked if you liked it. Your eyes meet. You are still leaning in a little and as if impulsivity possessed you, you decide to rise a little, meeting his lips with your own - and somehow, his Katsudon tastes a little better when it comes from his lips.

Akaashi chuckles, looking away a little as a soft blush rose from his neck.

The two of you eat quietly after that, stealing glances, sharing portions of your food as the two of you take a quick rest from walking. Deciding to take your time finishing the portion of gyoza left, Akaashi rose from his seat, taking the one beside you, instead. You spend the rest of that time talking softly, laughing and taking cute little pictures. You take a note to make a scrapbook soon - it’s the first time you’ve ever felt like this and every single part of you longs to simply capture this very moment and live in it forever.

The two of you leave soon after, making your way towards the Japanese Gardens.

He holds your hand as you walk, his fingers slotting between your own and you can’t help but wish that moments like these lasted for eternity.

Akaashi walks you home after your date. He leans towards you, gently pushing his lips against yours. When he pulls back, you have to blink multiple times to get back to your proper senses. He gives you a small, transparent box. You look up and take it from his hands, carefully holding the box as you gazed at the potted, succulent plant inside the box.

“I bought it for you while you were away for a bit.” He said, “I hope you take care of it.”

“Of course I will.” You smiled. “Thank you, ‘kaashi.”

Akaashi smiles, kissing you again, just as soft as the last time. “You’re always welcome. Let’s do this again soon.” He said after pulling away. You nodded, making him smile a little wider. “Goodnight.” He said, followed by a sweet, soft murmur of your name - and it was as if each syllable became priceless when he said them.

“Goodnight, Akaashi.” You smile.

He's so easy to love, isn't he?

Akaashi Keiji shares one of his earphones with you while the two of you sit next to each other. The first song he plays is always a love song, followed by whatever song is next on the playlist. You actually have your own playlist with him, titled 'A Dream Come True', each song was the answer to a question, making you chuckle as you began to compare and contrast your tastes in music. It's a bit cliche, but it's true, isn't it?

Akaashi Keiji always makes sure you're prepared for tests - because he knows that sometimes, you run low on motivation. So he brings you an energy drink, maybe a cup of coffee, sometimes even a whole meal. He stays up with you when you study your lessons, helping you out when you need it.

“Here,” he said, quietly as you both sat in your room, “I usually dissuade you from drinking these but I know you need it.” He sighed as he handed you the energy drink. He sits beside you, opening his notebook as he studies beside you again. As you drink, you take it upon yourself to hold his left hand, watching him scribble notes and make neat markings on the book he was reading.

Akaashi simply squeezes your hand lightly as he did, giving you brief glances when you move around before putting his attention back to studying.

Akaashi Keiji cooks with you. When you hit your first anniversary, he took it upon himself to invite you to his house while his family was away. There, the two of you spent the day making ramen from scratch.

He stands beside you as you massaged the dough, cutting up vegetables and pork as you did. Soon enough, you’re splitting the mass of dough, laughing as you both struggled a little to split it evenly. “If you end up with more noodles than me, I’m stealing your bowl.” You laughed, making him shake his head with a smile as he brought the bowl of flour closer.

You both start making sheets made up of the dough, folding and dusting it with flour before beginning to cut it to make noodles. "You're not cutting it evenly." He chuckled, looking up from his own noodles, which you saw were cut evenly.

"Whatever, perfectionist." You roll your eyes, though you do give a little more effort in evenly cutting them.

It doesn’t take long before you’re sitting next to him, assembling your ramen carefully. "Hey! That's my portion!" You gasp, stealing the piece of meat from him and hitting his hand lightly as he laughed. You place it carefully on top of your noodles, smiling as it all comes together.

He places a small container of chili powder near you, "Here, I know you like it spicy."

You smile, leaning in to kiss him briefly. "Thanks, you know me so well." He chuckled, watching you carefully sprinkle in some.

He puts your bowls next to each other, carefully placing chopsticks on top of neatly folded tissues. "Let's take a picture." He murmured. You snap quick pictures - both of the food and of each other - putting it into the gallery collection labeled as '1st Anniversary'.

You start eating in the living room, opening the television and putting on a movie as you eat together.

He just feels perfect, doesn’t he?

It's been four years since then, college has come, and it threatens to split you apart.

"I can't this week," he said - how many times has it been?

You purse your lips, hand tightening your grip on the phone, "Again?" The question slips out of your lips like the falling of droplets. Small. Quick. Almost unheard. "You promised you'd come with me this time." A part of you is quick to give up - the Museum will open up again, don’t worry, don't worry - but the rest is starting to scurry away from him and your hands have started to ache as you hold onto strings that kept you together.

"I'm sorry," how many times have you heard that before?, "But this is a very important project, I can't risk passing it late."

More important than me? You almost bit back, more important than our 4th anniversary? You do not say it. You cannot. So you keep your true thoughts locked in the darkness of your mind and you say to him, "Yeah. Okay. Sure. We'll reschedule, then?"

"Yes, I'm really sorry-" you cut him off before he can speak your name, you knew that if he did, you would crumble and break and from the way you see it, Akaashi cannot risk being distracted by anything… by anyone.

It is the first time you ever missed an anniversary.

"It's okay." You said. You grip the phone a little tighter. You stare almost blankly at your computer screen. The phone call ends before you realize - you both do not say I love you anymore, the phrase has gone foreign on your tongue, like an unknown language you hear for the first time. And even your ears, which used to translate his playlists to that phrase; or your skin which used to shiver and recognize his touch as his way of saying it; or your lips which smile at the taste of his unspoken words - they neither hear, feel, nor taste it anymore.

You place your phone away from sight. You do not wish to see it.

A vain feeling of burning grief rises from the embers of a broken heart - it threatens to choke you and leave your throat bruised and burnt from its touch. You almost want to beg for it to do so. You have a feeling that it would feel much better than this.

Loneliness. Your mind labeled the feeling - the emotion born from being alone; the feeling of being abandoned.

Your eyes trail to your computer screen. There, the sight of him makes your gut curl and tie in knots, the Akaashi you knew from two years ago smiles at you. The dimple on his cheek stays the same, so does the ruffle of his dark hair and the clearness of his blue eyes - the Akaashi you knew has gone static.

Akaashi is smiling, wearing the outfit he wore during one of your dates in an art gallery - a simple, beige cardigan and loose pants, his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. The sight of him from your computer screen looked so real it coaxes tears out of your eyes. Your dislike of drawing realism is dwarfed when it is him you draw. For how can it ever go against the love you have for him which always seems to overflow onto the spaces of your hollowed ribs?

It has been too long since you last saw each other and clumsy phone calls between classes or before you both go to sleep is not enough.

It is as if life has stolen him from you and dangles his image far from your reach yet close to your eyes - you see him in the darkness behind your eyelids, there, he has the chance to let you lay your head on his shoulder, the taste of banana milk sweet on your tongues, his hand holds yours and you are warm. So warm that you melt into his arms but now, in the cold and in the darkness of your dorm room, you are running a fever and your soul, which yearns for him screams his name but he does not respond in kind.

Instead, he says I'm sorry.

Oh how you've begun to despise that phrase.

You are left there on your bed, curled and crying and despising your reaction because at this point, you should have gotten used to it.

How many times has he left you like this, unknowing that it was a time you needed him most?

But then again… what did you expect?

The two of you have aged, you do not live just thirty minutes away anymore, instead, he lives two cities over, attending his dream college as you attend yours. You both chose this, saying that it will work, saying that you will make it work - but that did not last long.

Somewhere near the end of first year, your weekend dates have been forgotten; by the second, even scheduled dates are canceled and rescheduled, only to get canceled again. Now here, on your third, phone calls are filled with I miss you yet followed by I'm sorry. A part of you hates him for saying that, yet hates you more for sometimes doing the same.

It is as if life is determined to keep you apart, the same way fate strung you together, making you live half an hour apart from childhood to your teenage years yet never letting you meet until highschool - but ah. What if you two were never truly built to last?

Your nails dig into your skin, threatening to break into it and make you bleed. How many times have you done this to yourself? Hugging your knees to your chest, asking where it went wrong. You both tried didn't you? You both wanted this to work, didn't you?

Oh. What if everything is going wrong because you are the only one who wants this now?

You think. You think. You think.

What if, behind the closed phone screen, after the hung up calls and quick goodbyes, someone else wraps their arms around his shoulders like you used to. And it is them that whisper comfort in his ears and what if he is only waiting for the right way, for the right time to end it?

What if, when he says “I’m sorry”, he is only waiting for you to realize the silent goodbyes that follow that phrase?

Akaashi wouldn't do that to you… right?

You bite your lip, a part of you tries to pull you back but it cannot. You sink. In this falling, there is only darkness - you cannot envision Akaashi to be there to catch you, why hope that he will when you know that he is not there?

But you trust him, don't you?

And you love him, don't you?

You feel paralyzed on your bed, unable to move and unable to think of things other than the fact that he is not there. You felt as if you were going crazy.

Your roommates have come and go to tell you to eat, but your lips only move to give a half-hearted excuse that you aren’t hungry yet - in truth, you have no appetite at all, even as your stomach churns and eats itself from the inside.

There’s a knock on your door. A part of you wishes it is him. The rest know it’s not.

It’s your roommate, they tell you that you should eat soon, it's late and you shouldn't skip dinner. "I know you're on a diet," they said, "but you haven't eaten properly in weeks. I don't want you to get sick, okay? Please eat dinner soon."

"I will." You respond - you will not. You hear their footsteps retreat, making you close your eyes as you try to fall back asleep.

But really, why do you love him?

You wake to the sound of knocking. Someone asks if they can come in. You grumble and say whatever comes into mind - "Leave me alone, go away." They knock again and apologize, and finally you relent - "Fine, come in, whatever." You huddle a little closer to your blankets, curling up as you hear the door open and their footsteps are heard as they walk in.

They close the door. You hear a soft click as they lock it.

They sit on your bed, you feel it dip under their weight. At this point, you can't find it in yourself to care if they end up being a serial killer or whatever - a thought that you'd probably regret in the afterlife, if ever.

They brush a hand through your hair, before you hear a sigh. They lift your blanket, settling beside you and putting a loose arm around your waist. They kiss your hair and come a little closer.

They utter your name and ask if you're asleep - you cannot find it in yourself to reply. So you pretend. You act like you're asleep, even if you knew that they probably know you aren't.

He doesn't tell you that he loves you.

When you truly wake hours later, it's near the afternoon, you sit up and feel their arm fall from its place on your waist. You look to the side and see him right there - Akaashi Keiji, warm and asleep as he breathed softly.

"So it wasn't a dream." You mumble to yourself. "You're really here."

You can't help but reach out to touch him. Your touch alone is enough to stir him awake, his eyes fluttering open and immediately focusing on you. His soft utterance of your name is enough to make you draw back. Just hours before, you had so much to say, but now that he was here, your parched throat could not bear to say anything.

“What happened?” He asked, getting up from the bed and holding your hand gently. “I hear you haven’t eaten properly in weeks.”

You sigh and shake your head, "It's nothing. It's late, Akaashi, you should get back to your dorm."

Akaashi shakes his head, looping his hand around your wrist and pulling you back. "Wait! I… I wanted to talk." He said. "About us."

Ah. Here it is.

The thing you have been dreading - the coiled dread in your gut wakes, slithering up your spine until it curls around your lungs and heart. "What is it?" You ask.

"Why don't we go to the living room? I'll cook you up a meal as we talk." He said.

"Not here. The others-"

"I asked for a favor. They're out right now. For the entire day." He said. "I know you like privacy and I didn't really think you would be up for going out."

You nod hesitantly. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

You sit on the chair in front of the counter, he grabs the apron from the rack and begins to talk as he opens the refrigerator. "Is Omurice okay with you?"

"Yes but- actually, they cooked last night, there's probably still some leftovers from dinner. I can just eat that." You said, rising from your seat as the ache in your bones started to come back.

"Sit down," he said - it's the first time you've ever heard him sound so forceful. "Please… just… sit down, okay?" He turns towards you and smiles, "Let me take care of you."

He doesn't buy you your favorite meals.

He grabs a chopping board as he takes out the ingredients, along with the leftover pork chops from last night. He heats it up as he begins to chop portions of carrots and potatoes. "I'm not sure where to begin," he said.

"You're doing just fine- after that you just have to make fried rice then-" Your rambles are cut off.

"You know that that's not what I meant." He sighed.

"Well maybe I don't want to talk about it." You said, "Maybe I'm not ready to let you go- Akaashi, we've been together for four years, I'm not going to let you leave me like this." You look down, trying to hide the tears forming in your eyes.

"Leave you?" He asked. "Why would I leave you?"

You look up, "Is that… not what you're here for?"

Akaashi blinks at you, opening his mouth as he tries to conjure the right words, "I'm not- I didn't come here to break up with you."

You sat up a little straighter, the tears in your eyes backtracking and retreating back into their ducts. "Then what are you here for?"

"To apologize." He said, "And to talk about what we want to do next - if anything, I've been anxious you'll break up with me." He turned back to the vegetables he was cutting, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to blink the forming tears away. And perhaps he is just as heart broken as you have been.

"I couldn't come yesterday because of the project so I wanted to make it up to you today. Then I heard you weren't eating well so I came late into the night yesterday as soon as I finished the project but well… you were already resting, I think." He said, "I'm sorry that I slept next to you last night, I know I didn't ask for your permission. I just- I just couldn't help it, I guess."

He chuckles. You watch him mess up a little as he wiped at his forehead - he's nervous. You've never seen him act like this before. He opens the stove and adds a slab of butter into a pan, letting it heat up for a bit before he adds cooked rice. It's followed by the vegetables he cut up. As he cooked, he said, "I wanted to make it up to you. Everything that I've been lacking and missing-"

"It wasn't your fault." Your mouth is quick to say it, even as your insides churn in glee as he begins to apologize.

"It was." He said, "I should've made some time for us, like you were doing. I'm sorry that I've been selfish for the past few months."

"You were chasing your dreams - who was I to stop you?" You asked.

He says your name. Softly. Gently. As if your name will break on his tongue if he says it any differently. "It's okay," he said, "I already know my faults. And besides… I don't want you to think there's something wrong with you or that I've fallen out of love with you or anything like that because I haven't."

He plates the fried rice, setting it on the counter. He breaks two eggs into a bowl, adding a little salt before beating it.

What passes is a moment of silence. You watch, eyes trained on the fact that he is here - how many nights have you lain awake, wishing for the stars to bring him back to you?

You look down, there is a voice in your head that says you should break up with him - make him feel as desperate as you did, it said, hurt him as he has hurt you. And yet, you don't. Perhaps you love him too much to do so.

Sometimes love is letting go, the voice said, it questions you, what makes you think he won't just neglect you again? You are as expendable as the eggshells he broke and got rid off moments ago, what makes you think he will keep on loving you as he used to?

You play with your hands, heart beating a little quicker and harsher against the bones of your ribs. What if he finds someone else? It will hurt more if you continue, just leave now - that way it will hurt once then never again.

Do not tell me that he's worth it - do you even know if he still finds worth in you?

"I know I'm pretty late but if it's okay with you… do you think that maybe we could try again? I promise that I'll be better this time." He said, setting down the plate of food in front of you, freshly cooked, and looking delicious yet your stomach tightens and churns at the sight of it - perhaps it is not food you hungered for.

He unties his apron, hooking it on the rack again as he goes around the counter to step closer towards you. He speaks your name but his voice is muffled by your own heartbeat and suddenly, you feel frozen as you say on that seat. Doubt creeps and breathes onto your neck, raising goosebumps and fear of being left - Akaashi speaks your name again but the tremble of your heartbeat does not cease. In fact, it grows louder.

It is the first time you felt alone even while in his presence.

He will find someone to replace you, the voices said, look at him. Top of his class and soon to graduate, blessed with good looks and a nice voice - men and women will flock to him, do you think you'll stand a chance?

But he loves me, you think to yourself, Akaashi loves me.

But does he? Tell me. Does he really?

Your hands clench against each other, almost threatening to break your knuckles until Akaashi's hand covers your own. Your hold on yourself loosens a little. His hands move. The chair scrapes against the floor. Suddenly, his arms are around you.

"It's okay." He murmured, kissing the top of your head, "I'm right here. I'm not going to leave." It was as if he knew what was going on inside your head, as if he heard what doubt and anxiety had whispered into your ears. "It's okay, I've got you. Cry if you need to, I'll stay as long as you need me to."

The tears come like the makings of a waterfall, dripping from your eyes and down along your cheeks leaving tear tracks on your skin.

"I'm sorry," you said, "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I'm crying I just-" Akaashi shakes his head, wiping at your tears as he gives you a small, worried smile.

"It's okay," he said, giving your temple a soft kiss, "It's going to be alright." He rubs your back as you let your tears fall. "I'm sorry, my dear," he murmurs, holding you a little tighter, "I didn't mean to make you feel abandoned."

You cling to him a little tighter, there is a silence in your head that threatens to break as soon as you unhold him so you let yourself unravel instead - perhaps, you will find solace in the sound of your own breaking. You spend what seemed to be a thousand years right there in his arms, but even that is not enough to fill your heart's chasm.

Your hands feel weak even as they grip him tightly, you cannot help but cry as he carefully rubs your back. He treats you as if you would shatter right there in his hold should he touch you too roughly. You don’t know whether to hate or thank him for it.

After some time, you are able to tear yourself away from him, sniffling as you finally settle and slumped down on your seat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you with all of this.” You said.

Akaashi shook his head, gently placing a kiss on your tired knuckles again. “It’s fine, dear. It wasn’t your fault.” He smiles lightly against your skin, “Why don’t you eat for now? You’re probably still quite tired, so we can rest for a bit before talking about this again.”

You give him seconds of silence before you say, “Okay.”

He hands you the cutlery, watching with a soft smile on his face as he sees you smile slightly as you break the egg on top, watching the half-cooked yolk run along the fried rice. You give him a look, before pushing him lightly towards the container holding the cutleries. “Eat with me.” You say, “I won’t be able to finish it all.”

You pierce the heated piece of porkchop, bringing it to his lips as you say, “You need food, too.”

Akaashi sighs, before he eats it and gets his own spoon and fork. “As long as you eat well, as well.” He said, watching you eat a spoonful before he eats, too. He sits right next to you, silently eating, yet somehow making sure that you ate more than him.

“Let’s go out. On a date, I mean.” You said - impulsive and sudden.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yeah. We can drop by your dorm so you can change, then we can visit the park or something.”

Afterwards there is silence as you take a quick shower while he washed the dishes, but as you stand under the water, the soft warmth is not enough to comfort you. As soon as you are out of his reach, the whispering voices come back. He’s lying, it said, like the others did. You feel tears swell up from their coves again, your fingers twiddling with each other as you watch the soap suds get washed away by the running water.

He will leave when the time comes, maybe when you’re angry or while you argue, they say, so that he’s not the bad guy. Your hands claw at your arms again - ah, you should leave the shower soon. You should, you should. Yet your legs do not move. You feel stuck as the whispers turn to statements - he will leave again, until you understand what his leaving means and break it off with him. He doesn’t say it but he wants to be free of you.

So you ask yourself - what can you do to make him stay?

How can you convince him to stay?

You look down at yourself, trying to ignore the forming lump in your throat.

Your throat constricts, you do not have words left to say other than your woes and you’re sure it will only push him away. What if he really leaves?

But what else is there to give?

A knock on the bathroom door snaps you away from falling deep into those thoughts again. Akaashi spoke your name before he said, “You should step out soon, you might get sick if you stay there for too long.”

You say that you’ll step out soon but your mind is still trying to think of something - of anything - that might convince him to stay. It was as if your mind had forgotten the words he uttered of not wanting to leave you, perhaps you have been feeling lonely for too long that you have begun to cling to a person who will not leave you.

Or perhaps you just don’t believe him and his words anymore.

You wrap a towel around yourself, holding it against your body as you step out. You open your closet, putting on your clothes and buttoning up your shirt only to hear your door open. Akaashi curses loudly as he fumbles with the doorknob, and as you turn to look at him, you see the way his eyes are cast downwards, cheeks flushed red and his hands trembling a little from the panic. You didn’t hear what he wanted to say - nor can you find it in yourself to care.

This.

You stride towards him, holding his wrists and you say, softly, “Don’t go.”

He hesitated in answering and you can’t help but pull him into your room, locking the door behind the two of you as you basically crowd him onto the bed. He falls on the mattress, settling to sit against the headboard, as if he wanted to run from you. You begin unbuttoning your clothes, letting it fall to your elbows as you shrug it off.

Perhaps if you can make him happy now, he will stay with you forever.

You see his flushed face as he tries to keep on looking away and you say - almost a demand - “Look at me, Keiji.” His blue eyes flicker towards you, blinking quickly as you step closer, crawling into bed and trapping him between your limbs. His breaths come quick and heavy - nervous and unsure.

You settle on his lap, hands moving upwards to thumb at the edges of his clothes.

You ask, “May I?”

He doesn't even let you do what you want.

He answered, soft sighed as he spoke, “No.”

“Oh.” You say softly. He doesn’t want you. “You don’t want me.” You look away. Your hands fall, but before they could fall onto your lap, his own hands have caught them and brought them to his lips.

“I do, my dear,” He murmurs, “Trust me when I say that I do want you.” His blue eyes look up at you, “But not like this.”

“Then how do you want me?” You asked, sounding hopeful - yet for the wrong thing.

Akaashi looks up at you, thumbing and grazing his touch along the edges of your eyes. “When you’re okay, then we can do this.” He said, “But not when you’re like this… not when we are like this. I don’t want our first to be so unromantic and sad.” He offers you a soft smile, “Why don’t we just watch a movie? Or would you prefer a short nap? We can cuddle, if you’d like.”

“But this is the only thing I haven’t given yet.” You say.

Akaashi makes you look at him, “You don’t need to. I will love you regardless.”

Ah. It is the first time you ever heard him say that, isn’t it?

You can’t stop the tears that fall from your eyes and you raise your hands to sob onto your palms as you feel your soul tremble at the mere utterance of how he loves you. He loves you. Akaashi Keiji loves you.

His gentle hands pry your hands away from your face, chuckling as he leans up to kiss your tears away. You sniffle - you don’t understand why you’re crying so much but at this point, does it even matter?

At some point, he has maneuvered you to lay on top of him, his arms wrapped around your waist as your hands grip at his clothes. Your legs are tangled with each other's, your ear against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

So… why?

"You won't leave me?" You ask.

His hands move to comb his fingers through your hair. He answers you, "Never."

"Are you sure? What if you find someone better?" You ask again. You close your eyes, exhausted from this day alone.

"That's impossible," he said simply, "There's no one in this world that equals you." He says it so seriously that you can't even remember what your doubts have whispered just an hour before.

"I love you." You say.

He responded, "I love you too."

Why him, of all people?

Years later and he kisses you at the altar, his hands cupping your cheeks as your lips meet for the billionth time.

He tastes as sweet as the first time.

In the after party, he holds your hand securely, intertwining your fingers and kissing you periodically. You giggle at this - it's one of the few times he was ever like this.

"You must've missed me a hundred times today." You say softly as you get ready for your honeymoon.

"I'll kiss you a hundred more tonight." He whispers back, smiling as you blush and push him away slightly.

"You're being stupid, Akaashi." You roll your eyes.

"Just for you, Akaashi." He winks, pulling away from you as he watches you blush a little deeper.

But then again, maybe the point isn't why but the fact that you do.

"Akana! Right here, c'mon!" You grin, clapping your hands as you cheer for your little daughter. Keiji is crouched down, bracing to catch her if she falls. Hikaru is standing on wobbly legs, holding onto your arms as he watches his twin sister take her first steps.

You hear the small patting of her feet against the hardwood floor.

Finally, she reaches you just fine, her small hands clasping on your own as she smiles. You give her a big hug, grinning as Hikaru joins in. You carry Akana to the couch, your husband following suit as he carries Hikaru.

"They're growing up too quickly." You sniffle, bouncing Akana on your leg as Keiji sits beside you, letting Hikaru cling to him as he replies with a low chuckle. "What? You don't think they're growing quickly?"

"They're still toddlers. And besides, they'll probably stay with us until they're 18, calm down." He smiled, "Don't worry, you have a lot of time with them."

He leans forward and kisses your forehead. He pulls away, beginning to play with Hikaru as he smiles.

You watch him as you hold your daughter.

So this is what love is.

#akaashi keiji #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi x reader #akaashi x you #akaashi angst #fluff #hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending #angst #x reader #haikyuu #writers on tumblr #ao3 writer #fanfic

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tammulberry · 1 month

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Kuroo x Reader Sneak Peek

"Okay, there's one thing I don't get."

"Yeah? Ask away." Kuroo said casually as he tied his shoes.

"There are people in our class that actually know about volleyball so…" You had two hunches and you didn't know which one you preferred. "Why did you choose me specifically?"

Kuroo seemed to be taken aback and he straightened his posture. Completely dumbfounded by the question. "Ah.. well this is awkward… I didn't expect you to catch on."

"Ha, what are you talking about? I'm asking because I wanna know."

"The thing is that — there is no reason. I just thought spending even more time with you would be cool."

"What?" You were as red as a tomato. Someone wanting to spend time with you just because they wanted to?

"Honestly, I thought you wanted to humiliate me in front of everyone," you confessed awkwardly.

"Now why would I do that?" he asked with a hint of a smile in his voice.

"Because some students told me that you had ulterior motives!" You exclaimed, your cheeks reddened. "How was I supposed to know that you just wanted to hang out with me as friends?"

"As friends?" Kuroo grinned at you teasingly. "I never said as friends, y'know."

"Fine. As your genius manager," you retorted.

Kuroo let out a really ugly laugh that you couldn't help but find endearing. Man, of all guys out there, you had to like him?

He patted you on the shoulder and bent down to your level. Your face flushed and you looked away.

"Little miss genius can really be little miss dummy too."

"Hey! No need to tell me something I already know!"

A/N: Stay tuned for the official fic! Kinda nervous about this one cuz this is my first entry to the Haikyuu fandom and I wanted to start it off with the character that introduced me to the series a long time ago lol

#writers on tumblr #fanfic #sneak peek #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #nekoma #haikyuu

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myonut · 13 days

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# summary : takeda ittetsu

WHY DOES NOBODY TALK ABT HIM HES SO CUTE ???!;!! ilovehimsomuch 🫶🫶🫶

#haikyuu #haikyu x reader #haikyū!!#genshin impact #honkai star rail #honkai impact #bnha #writers on tumblr #oikawa tooru #bennet x reader #mha #genshin zhongli

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real-hot-grl-shi · 21 days

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😞

(I feel like I made her fashion sense too suggestive but I’m going off of what was trendy in the early 2010s bc that’s where the timeline takes place please help 😢)

I’m tryna make a haikyuu oc (it’s still wip!!!) and goddamn I’m fucking stuck 😞😞😞 (debating if I should put her with tsukishima or not 😕😕😕)

Like- LOOK AT EM 🫣🫣🫣

TEEHEE 🤭🤭🤭

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keis-slut · 1 month

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hands|k.tsukishima

CW: FINGERING, CHOKING, DEGRADING, BEGGING, GAGGING, SLAPPING, ORAL, OVERSTIMULATION

Third Person POV

at first, he was actually tutoring you.

your grade in math was only getting lower, along with other classes you’ve decided to just avoid, so your professor had proposed assigning you a tutor.

reluctantly, you’d stay after school with him, study in the library, half-ass some work, and he’d let you go about your day once he was satisfied with the work you had completed.

until eventually, sessions had moved to your house, or sometimes his, making it more comfortable.

he would tend to keep you a while, enjoyed torturing you for a bit.

things started to grow more personal over time, more intimate.

tutoring suddenly would last minutes, hours, to days.

starting to notice things about him you wouldn’t even bother giving a second glance before,

like the color of his eyes and how well his glasses framed them,

or even when he’d take them off for just a second to clean, and you could see their golden hue more clearly.

the way his short blonde hair waved on his head,

at just the perfect length before all short hair got to the awkward phase of growing out.

when his lips pursed as he would try to hold himself from playfully laughing whenever you got a question wrong,

and as if it would hide his snickering better, he would occasionally bring his hand up to cover his mouth.

or maybe then, what really got your attention were how absolutely huge his hands were.

especially compared to yours.

he was huge next to you, when you really started to notice it.

his long fingers forcing you to curse at your own thoughts when you’d stare at them as he pointed to a question you did incorrectly.

following the veins from his knuckles to where it spread up his arms, it made your body feel so shamefully hot.

and now, where your homework previously sat,

was you.

back against the wall and legs wide, you held yourself up with one hand as the other gripped his shoulder.

“k-kei, my parents are home…”

he shut you up by grabbing your inner thighs harder, pushing your legs open just a bit wider.

papers from your assignments were now sticking to the back of your thighs, and falling off the desk.

“and? be a good slut and shut up then”

your cunt throbbed at his words, as he practically licked his lips by the way between your legs glistened from the light of your desk lamp.

your face flushed as he leaned forward, bringing a hand to feel up your slick, teasing your entrance.

“please, kei…fingers, please”

your whines made him chuckle as he brought his other hand to your chest, giving a small squeeze before a surprising grip to your throat.

you gasped and let out a choked cry as your cunt clenched around nothing, the tips of his fingers feeling it just enough to fuck with you.

“such a needy cunt, clenching around nothing”

he raised his hand slightly, giving between your legs a small love tap, making you jolt in surprise.

“k-kei! stop teasing me, please”

he smirked and leaned down further, staring into your pleading eyes.

“oh, you want to beg for it, now?”

he teases, and you whine as he carefully drags his digits along your entrance, pushing in and bringing them out, just barely enough to make you feel good.

“go ahead, slut. beg for it then”

his grip around your throat tightens, making it hard for you to speak, but that was the goal for him.

he wanted to hear you beg with difficulty.

“i want your fingers, please, kei, please, ple-“

he shuts you up as he brings a thumb to your lips, your tongue swirling around the top before he pushes farther back on your tongue.

you buck your hips against his teasing hand, forgetting to even speak and only communicating through cries and moans, hoping that form of begging was enough for him.

you feel him carefully slip in one lanky finger, instantly clenching around him and letting out a sigh of satisfaction.

he removes his thumb from your mouth, deciding on switching to two fingers, same as his other hand feeling another slip inside you, curling ever so slightly.

he pushed his fingers deeper in your mouth, fingering your throat as he curled his fingers against the roof of your cunt.

you grasped onto his arm closest to you, digging your nails into his skin as he fucked you with his fingers faster.

he finally pulls his hand away from your mouth, a trail of saliva connecting to his knuckle.

your chest heaves as you cry his name, watching him get on his knees in front of you and grab one of your legs, throwing it over his shoulder.

“w-what are-?…fuck-!”

he shifts his hand, now so that his fingers are flicking upwards inside you, giving his lips enough room to attach on your clit, his tongue curling flat on the bottom as he sucked.

fingers hooked inside your cunt, and tongue dragging along what he couldn’t reach, you threw your head against the wall and brought a hand up to his hair, whining that you were about to cum.

he lifted his head to get a good look at you for a second, watching your reaction and feeling how you tightened around him as he curled his fingers upwards, just holding them there.

he knew you were about to cum.

he knew this by your facial expression, the way you gripped his hair, how your legs shook around his head, and your hips bucked against his hand.

he’s done this enough to know you by now.

to know how to make you cum.

“that’s it, cum for me, whore”

he removed his eyes from watching your face, along with his hand, and instead replaced it with his mouth.

his tongue slipped just deep enough for it to send you over the edge, him feeling you clench around his wet muscle.

you finally glanced down as you watched his veiny arms and slender hands snake around your thighs, hooking around to spread your legs wider, ignoring how overstimulated you’ve become, and only focusing on making you finish.

“fuck! kei, im-! fuck!”

all he had to do was just barely glance up at you as he was tongue deep in your cunt, squeezing your thighs slightly as he tasted you finish in his mouth.

his hands slid up your thighs and to your hips, then to your tummy as he started to stand back up, his towering figure making your cunt throb for more.

you stare at him, breathless and trembling.

he slipped his hand back down, thumb tracing your clit as your legs locked around him.

“i’m not finished with you yet, slut”

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ennoshitas-princess · 2 months

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From No One to Someone

Wakatoshi Ushijima x Fem! Reader

If he is ooc I am sorry!! Please don't come after me

Warnings: umm Ushi-kun might be ooc. Nothing else comes to mind really

Synopsis: You and Ushi-kun have known each other since middle school but never interacted, until he was stuck on some of the problems on an assignment. Sharing lunches and walking together.

Word Count: 819

—————————————————————————

Today, you were walking to class peacefully with your mind distracted by your crush, Wakatoshi Ushijima. You knew him since Junior high, but you never had the courage to go up to him and speak. He was handsome, tall, and built like a bodybuilder. You looked at yourself thinking you weren't made for him.

But you were so wrong.

Ushijima just made it to class, waiting for class to start. He looked up to see you walk in the classroom. And you made this boy very much turn a crimson red, but he always hid it from everyone. He thought you were smart, sweet, beautiful, and just a perfect doll. He wanted to approach you, but he thought you might be terrified by him.

But he was so wrong.

That day, the teacher assigned an assignment that was very hard. You, being an excellent student, managed to get all of it with ease.Ushijima was sort of confused. At this point he was getting a bit irritated. He looked to see that you got up and turned it in with the teacher. He was always the first one to finish, no matter the subject. He felt his blood boil of fury. Why did y/n turn this assignment before him? She couldn't have gotten it better than him. He paid attention in class and never got distracted, while you would at times fall asleep or doze off in class.

“Do you need help?” You offered.

You realized how he furrowed his brows. How he looked stressed. Sure he had that face always, but you read him perfectly. You didn't want him to struggle at all and decided to approach him to help. To your question, you only received a nod from the powerful ace. You sat down next to him and began explaining it all to him. He nodded and did it with ease then.

“You are a good teacher.” Was all he said to you.

You looked at him. You weren't expecting a word from him at all. Did he really think that? Was he only being nice? “Do you really think that Ushijima-kun?”

He nodded in reply. Oh how good it felt to him when you called him Ushijima-kun. He wants to keep talking with you. And maybe go out sometime. Of course when he didn't have volleyball practice. It was his passion.

“Thank you Ushijima-kun.” You turned your head away so he didn't see your face tint a tiny hue.

He gave you one of those rare smiles of his and went back to having that stoic face. You have never experienced such a thing. It was like a special thing only for you. You will now cherish it in your heart forever.

The next day, you and Ushijima are having lunch together. You packed (favorite food) and he packed some rice and curry. You gave him some to see what he thought about it. He grabbed it with the chopsticks and plopped it into his mouth. It was very delicious! He has never eaten such food in his life. “So you like it?”

“Yes!” His face turned as red as Tendou’s hair.

He wants to keep eating it with no stop. He grabbed some more and ate it. You giggle at his shining eyes. He blushed ever more profoundly. He wasn't expecting you to giggle at his antics. “Sorry.” He looked down in embarrassment.

“Oh it's okay. Here grab more if you want some.” You pushed the bento box toward him.

He started to eat more of the scrumptious food from the box of yours. He munched it and he stretched it out to you. “Here l/n-san, you can have some of mine.”

“Oh, thanks Ushijima-kun!” You exclaimed.

Days have passed by and you and Ushijima decide to walk to school together. You look around you to see that everything seems sweet and calm. How could you ever tell Ushijima you love him? Does he feel the same towards you?

You start at the ground and see beautiful flowers on the grass. Ushijima looks at you to see how beautiful you look. How could he tell you how much he adored your smile? How could he ever say all the things he thought?

Ushijima came out of his train of thoughts and he picked a flower. He placed it behind your ear. “I don't know how to explain this l/n-san. I don't truly know how to explain feelings. I feel as if I find it hard to breathe with you around and I-”

You interrupted him with a soft, delicate kiss on his lips. His eyes widened in shock. He wasn't expecting this, but he let it go and he closed his eyes and kissed you softly back. You both separated and were blushing like crazy. “I feel the same Ushijima-kun!” You smiled.

And that was the last time you called him Ushijima-kun.

______________________________________________

ennoshitas-princess

Please DO NOT repost on any other platform!!

Reblogs are acceptable

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rebirthbunbun · 14 days

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Writers, I want to know opinions on this, but is it okay to completely make your fics using only AI? (I don’t use AI, I’m against it to the max, but found some that do and it doesn’t feel like you actually are putting the characters in it really)

#obey me x reader #haikyuu x reader #overwatch x reader #csm x reader #jjk x reader #writers on tumblr #fandom #fanfic #hxh x reader

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yril-writes · 9 months

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– DAHLIAS

synopsis ; flowers always had this hidden meaning behind them. the sad part about it is knowing what it means.

scenario ; he was caught in an accident that unfortunately caused him to have an amnesia, and the worst thing about it is that he cannot remember a single thing but you know him well.

"I won't leave, I'll come back tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the next again. Until the next season comes. I'll be here with you. "

type ; short story

include/s ; iwaizumi hajime

pairing/s ; character x fl! reader

genre ; a mountain filled with sad corn, angst

The sight of this day is rather sad, leaves began to turn from the hues of red or even yellow. A cool breeze then began to swift your locks of hair to your side revealing your bare neck kissed by the cold yet refreshing wind.

But still this time of the year is one of her favorite seasons, the way that the surrounding just creates this vibe was one thing she liked about and more specifically the flowers that only bloomed in this time of season.

Dahlias.

Another season of this year yet to be faced, walking down the pavement only hearing the wind brushing between the branches of the trees and rustling of the leaves and the clacking noises under your feet are your black sandals with heels.

People may see her as a woman from the city or even from another country because of her get up, but this was never a new sight for her to witness because for the past years you've walked these very same pavements.

Today happens to be that very same day, that the treasure from her arms soon flew as the wind streams the leaves from the branches away from its place.

Upon mesmerizing her surroundings it was about time she heard her phone ring, this made her stop at her feet.

"Tooru, took you long enough to call." She uttered with a soft voice as she stared at the tree branches being swayed by the wind on top of her head.

The breeze of the wind kept on going, but this time you couldn't hear anything only Oikawa's voice stuttering on the other voice line. The silence even made you think that you can hear your heart beating.

Badump.

Breathing slowly yet anxiously awaits for the answer of the man behind the phone was keeping her restless. Not until the man successfully said what he wanted to tell her.

But upon hearing it she thought that for a few seconds she could only hear her heart beating and her breathing heavily. She didn't expect to hear what she just heard, just one sentence made her run at a second.

Tears then began to flow down to her face, she had mixed emotions overflowing her inside. But one emotion stands out and that is relief.

A glimpse of her memory popped up and this was the first time they met under the big tree behind the school campus at break time.

"Iwaizumi, did you know that I love the autumn season?"

"I didn't, not until now. " Said the little boy in an uninterested voice as he slowly made his way under the tree to sleep.

"It's because dahlias bloom this season!" Said the girl cheerfully as she made her way down kneeling and shoving her face near enough to make Iwaizumi open his eyes only to see this girl ecstatic with flowers.

"Is that so? Well, in my perspective it's kinda sad when autumn comes around." He says in a nonchalant voice not even surprised at the gesture of the girl in front of him.

That ends her train of thought, as the wind flows like and endless stream pushing her hair to every places. But still didn't bother the woman running, as if she was catching the wind.

As she runs as fast as she can, one of her heels broke making her fall down, now that her stockings are ripped and one of her legs are scrapped she still didn't give up. She eased the pain and got up.

Removing both of her sandals she ran again, despite of the tears running down from her eyes to her cheeks and the pain from her injured leg she didn't mind having all of these, all she cares is that she will make it on time.

Upon rushing as fast as she could she was in front of the hospital that Iwaizumi was staying in. People who witnessed how ragged her breath was and her condition, she drove them away.

As she walks struggling because of her leg injury but also her feet that are bleeding due to running on rough roads. People offered to help her politely declined and proceeded to walk towards the counter.

"Iwaizumi Hajime, room number please." Catching her breath, she still tries to talk despite the pain and the struggling she is currently facing.

The room was said and done but despite running towards the elevator she ran to the stairs. The pain she endured was slowly creeping in to her body and it was as if the more she went up to the stairs the more heavier she felt her body was.

(Move, body! Please hurry up and move!)

She pleaded to herself as tears flooded her eyes making it all blurry and her face damped. She now sees how much her legs are shaking and how ragged her breaths are.

(You can do this, just keep on moving...!)

Another glimpse of that time was the graduation of the last year she had to face in the school.

"Why does that even make you sad?" She asked cluessly as she placed her back against the man's back.

"Well, summer is finally coming to its end again." He said as the man stares at the sun setting down on the horizon.

"I don't get you at all." She let's out a sigh and closes her eyes as she slowly drifts of to sleep.

Glimpse of memories came crawling back to her as a form of motivation to keep on going. She gets up on her knees and keeps on going.

Catching her breath she now stands in front of the door she only has to enter to see the face she longed for. But then fear starts crawling behind her back.

[ So you're going far away after graduation? Pursuing to be a veterinarian, I presume?]

[ Hajime, I'll come back! I promise you! And I'll be back before you know it!]

Memories after the last year she had after entering Aoba Johsai with Iwaizumi and Oikawa was one of the best three years she had. She grew closer Iwaizumi and Oikawa in no time. Even became on of the boys as well, she fit right it.

But losing contact with Iwaizumi was the worst one she had to face, years passed and she focused on studying and studying until she graduated. She was busy and slowly soon after all the years passed she forgot.

She forgot the promise she ever did make to someone she holds dear to her heart.

Time gradually became slow for her as she gives all of her hours and minutes onto working, she lost track of her goals she lost track of what her promises were until.

"Did you hear about the news?" Said the old lady, turning her attention to the televisions displayed on the shop.

"Oh, the athletic trainer that got into an accident? Poor thing." Replied the old lady next the gossiping one as she too turns her attention to the television.

(Athletic trainer?)

The sight of a familiar face pasted on the televisions on display in the shop where two women were gossiping about putting her in awe.

(Hajime...?)

The opening of the door surprised her and knocked her out of her thoughts. And a familiar figure greeted her right of the bat.

"Tooru?" She uttered.

"So you came after all these years, huh?" He smirked off giving her a an attitude.

"Tooru, how is Hajime...Is he doing well?" She replies as her voice began cracking the more words she uttered out of her mouth.

He simply sends a slight nod not even sending her an eye contact, but looking at his eyes she knew there was a catch despite him waking up.

"Keep this in mind, he waited. You know, years passed and he still waited. He is an idiot."

"Patiently waiting for you, believing that one day you would knock behind his doors. He waited for you like a dog waiting for his owner to pick him up!"

"..."

"No matter what I did, for him to forget about you. To let his memories of you die, nothing worked! I was only pushed away by Iwa-chan!"

"I hated that fact that he still waited for you after all these years and now, you are here. But it's all too late now. "

"Tooru, what do you-"

"When you go inside, introduce yourself. Don't be dumb, I told you on the phone."

Oikawa stood in front of you with those puffy red eyes and dark circles under his eyes, you knew for a fact that he stayed restless taking care of Iwaizumi who was in a coma for a few weeks now.

It is said that he tried to save the little girl who was crossing the street nearly getting hit by a fast driving car on the road, thankfully the child he saved was safe but on the other hand he was the who was harmed.

Catching a few deep breaths, she knocks on to the door.

"Come in."

Says the raspy voice on the other side of the door said. Upon opening the door rays of sunlight blindly stung her eyes for a moment only to reveal a man sitting up right on the hospital bed staring at the window.

"Hajime..."

The man slowly turned his head facing her, in his eyes he sees an injured woman panting heavily and that she needs to take a seat.

"Haji-"

"Please, take a seat."

She was stunned at the words uttered by the man in front of her, she then takes the offer and tries to calm herself down.

"Have some water, the loud man left this a while ago. "

(Loud man? )

Iwaizumi then stares behind the window, having the view of the red and yellow hued leaves on the branches of the trees outside.

The wind stirs up the leaves and twirling it around the air, he was somehow amused by the looks of it.

The woman on the other hand was staring at the bedridden man, who was covered in injuries and even a broken arm at that state. But one sight breaks her heart and that is to see him with a smile despite of his situation.

"Do you like flowers? " He asks out of the blue as he stares intemately outside the window.

"Yeah..." She replied with a low tone of voice.

"I once liked them, it's because they only bloomed in autumn time. It's a shame not to see them bloom in any season. "

"..."

"But overall, autumn is a sad season. Because days become shorter at this time meaning you won't have as much fun under the sun that long. "

"Leaves in autumn turn red or even yellow and brown, making it all fall down from the trees as well, until no leaves were left behind. "

"..."

"Sorry, it appears that whenever I rambled these I tend to remind myself of something I once forgot. The loud man who was here looked at me with pity, I wonder why that is. "

"..."

"The same eyes you are looking at me right now is the same gaze the loud man looked at me."

"Hajime—"

"Oh, I remembered the flowers. They were dahlias. How can I forget, this note on my wallet gave me a glimpse of it."

Opening the note with blood marks scattered on it made you shiver.

I once saw autumn as a rest for my eyes,

Until I saw this flower that caught my eye.

They only bloomed at autumn,

What a shame to even know them.

Leaves start to fall in this time around,

I ponder will they last for this round?

I guess not, for they are just like a breeze.

Who comes and goes as they please.

I hate this season, and I have a bunch of reason.

But the flower I saw that day,

Will erase those burden I carry all day.

Maybe some day, I'll come to love autumn day.

"The initials placed at the end of the note only means that I made it, it's kinda sad to read it. It's as if the me who wrote this only has a flower anticipated to wait for this time of day. "

"Those are dahlias right outside of your window are potted plants of dahlias. " She pointed with her index finger as she came up to show a smile. The best smile she had to show.

"They are pretty, wish that they would bloom until the next season comes. Too bad they don't, huh? " He says at a nonchalant voice and releases a short sigh.

The cold response from the bedridden man made the room silent for a little while, then he turned to gaze on the woman sitting right beside her.

"You're injured. " He said noticing the injured marks on her legs, knees and even her feet.

"Yeah..."

"You should get it treated. "

"It can wait..."

Giving him a sincere smile, the man smiled back like a clueless boy. That smile was the same old smile she saw under the tree from where they were kids.

"Iwaizumi, did you know that I love the autumn season?"

"I didn't, not until now. "

"It's because dahlias bloom this season!"

"Dahlias? "

"Here, are pretty flowers! " She placed it in front of the kid who was laying down under the tree.

Those days were the first time she had share something precious she held to someone she soon will treasure.

But the last days that autumn came at the time of their final and last graduation was one of the times she wished to forget.

"Why does that even make you sad? When the flowers bloom in autumn? "

"Well, summer is finally coming to its end again."

"I don't get you at all."

"It means that, when flowers blood this day. You'll leave me once again."

The wind rushes towards the both of them, and only the tree branches and leaves where heard due to the wind going branch by branch.

"Leave you? "

"You know what I mean, so it's sad. I hate autumn, because at this time. I know that dahlias will bloom meaning you staying here is coming to an end again."

Staring at the dahlias, the man in front of her stared at her for a while.

"You really like those flowers, you keep on staring at them. "

"I—"

"I don't think I caught your name on your way in here, do you mind if you tell me? "

Hours have passed and the sun sets down leaving a nice orange and dark tone before it fully turned to dark sky. They talked and talked for a while under the man decided to take a nap.

And then, she decided to step out for a while, then she came across the same man that she encountered coming inside the room.

"That was a long talk you did there. So, how was it. " Said Oikawa who is leaning beside the wall outside the door.

"He didn't remember me..."

"I told you that on the phone, did you not hear me? "

"I dropped it the minute you told me he was awake. "

"Stupid." He flicks her forehead that it left a redish mark.

"I'll get someone to treat your wounds just stay there and get some rest. I'll go home for now. "

Walking down the hallway of the hospital going farther and farther away from Iwaizumi's room she can feel her legs that have given up, and that the pain she endured and ignore now are throbbing as hard as they can now.

Silent crying was one of her weaknesses, the way that this type of crying makes her vulnerable and weak is what she hated the most.

Enduring all the tears that about to fall down as she listens to the man she loved talk about her as if she was just someone he couldn't remember pained her to see and even hear.

"You really like those flowers, you keep on staring at them. "

"I—"

"I don't think I caught your name on your way in here, do you mind if you tell me? "

(I can't just tell him my name, I'll just—)

"I am just a person who tends to have time in their hands and came to visit you. My name is confidential! So, it'll be a secret! "

"Pfft, sure mystery girl. How about I call you Dahlia like these flowers. My guts are telling me the second you get out of here you'll just go without even telling me. "

"..."

"Was I right? "

"I won't leave, I'll come back tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the next again. Until the next season comes. I'll be here with you. "

He gave a satisfied yet a pained smile she didn't want to see, she was keeping an act of a strong character but in the end she just keeps breaking knowing that she was the reason as to why he hated the one she loved.

"I'm so sorry, Hajime. I'm too late..."

"You were just in time you know, I knew you'd break. My guts were telling me the truth alright."

"Hajime..."

"Help me remember, and maybe once another autumn has passed and dahlias bloomed again, maybe I would remember. So you have no other excuses but to stay by my side until then. "

(Why, why are you acting like this for me...!)

"The loud man told me everything you know, in detail even. It was hard to believe in at first but when I read that poem in front of you you were just ready to cry. It made me think that you must be the woman Oikawa was telling. "

"I even heard him through the door, telling you. That's why I said he is a loud man. "

"...."

"Until seasons change every time, I wished that there will come a time that I won't be scared of autumn. So stay, won't you? "

"Yeah, I will. "

Maybe the next autumn, I'll come to love you again. My Dahlia.

- I. H.

a/n ; i plan to upload some of my short stories here from AO3! but if you want some spicy stuffs, do visit my AO3! if ever you want to be tagged in my posts please do leave a comment or send me a DM! send me a tip! taglist ; @sammushy , @gcj-doesart, @ryuuudesuwa, @jasugoi, @saltyheartkid

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