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jensettermandu · 4 months

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-𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙨 𝙜𝙤 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣, 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙨 𝙜𝙤 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚-

-𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙚𝙥, 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙡-

1.2

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𝘨!𝘱 𝘫𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

content warning; MDNI, morally grey characters, toxic relation/situationships, domestic abuse, violence, substance use/abuse, mentions of weight/toxic beauty standards, dubcon, a lot of smut (spitting, spanking, bondage, choking, rough sex, etc. appears), age gap (legal), mentions of sensitive topics, not made for glorification of toxic relationships.

chapter wc: 11k+

"I haven't had time, so I would appreciate it if we could at least go at it once." This time she asked with her nicest voice. Y/n tilted her head as she looked at the mess she created in Jennie's sweats–she would lie if she said that she wasn't wet and her clit wasn't throbbing. It was especially hot after seeing Jennie be the mess she was while also being back to calling her these names and manhandling her.

[Three days ago]

It was nothing new to bring someone back to the hotel room when the parties were over for Jennie. She hadn't been doing it as often anymore since she had someone back in the city who satisfied her needs. It seemed difficult to get satisfied by someone else, or worse.

The woman under her was completely naked as Jennie continued to kiss her with only her boxers left to restrain her cock. She pressed against her heat, her hands roaming her body, lips not leaving her skin as nails gently dragged along her back. Jennie was doing everything, all the things she always did and knew she was good at. All the things that always got her dick hard. The billionaire wasn't only good at making money, no, she was also great at pleasuring after growing addicted to sex because it was better than drugs and alcohol, but better when those two were involved.

"Just fuck me already," Jennie looked up at the complaint as she had been kissing and groping at her chest and all her other parts. To the eye the woman was good looking, she was sexy and beautiful because Jennie didn't just settle for anyone. Men and women would drool over the model or even pay to have her in bed–Jennie knew because she had paid models to sleep with her. Most of them took it because they needed the money and who wouldn't take thousands upon thousands if not millions in exchange for sex? Jennie liked to have something to brag about such as fucking an unobtainable model. Money didn't get her as excited anymore now that she was drowning in it.

She collected women.

Jennie licked her lips and was about to grab hold of the model's hand but she was faster when she cupped her.

There was one problem—

"You're not even hard."

None of these women were the vixen back home.

Where Jennie had never felt hesitation, guilt, or stress, she hand found herself drowning in it. What came naturally felt like a task now when it wasn't that one body that was so familiar to her.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" The model exclaimed, clearly offended and Jennie yanked her hand away from her cock that had barely grown hard. Her jaw clenched as she took in breaths to not let embarrassment wash over her or the anger. She wasn't sure who she was angry at anymore. The model, herself, or Y/n...Or maybe even Asher who was keeping Jennie from being able to see the girl whenever she wanted to. Jennie didn't like having to wait for turns, but she did, God, she did and she felt pathetic, but she took every chance she had to dick Y/n down once her man left her for a few hours or days.

The feline tried to blame it on the drugs and alcohol.

"Shut the fuck up." She gritted out and reached for her shirt that was thrown on the corner of the bed before pulling it over her head. She took her pants and pulled them on too, not zipping them up as she would head to the shower once the woman left. It was truly humiliating for Jennie, it made her insecure and the model wouldn't consider that it did. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't grow an erection even if she wanted to. She tried her best by taking her time.

"You just wasted like an hour of my time for this. Why would you bring someone over if you can't even get it up." The woman argued as she started to gather her clothes. Jennie's nose twitched as she sat at the edge of the bed with her fists clenching in anger. It wasn't anything in her system, she hadn't gotten drunk and had barely taken any drugs aside from a few white lines like she always did. There was only one explanation and it had never happened to her before.

Jennie had been in relationships and she knew that she hadn't stayed faithful in them because her dick always sprung to life when she saw someone hot who would look her way. It made her forget love the second a girl got on her knees to suck her off. Her love only lasted for the night, it always had.

"Shut the fuck up you bimbo-looking slut! I fucking brought you over and that's more than you will ever fucking accomplish in your life." Jennie snapped and stood up, glaring at the woman who was slipping her dress back on.

"You can't even accomplish an erection which is pathetic enough–no one's gonna waste their time on you anymore." The model bellowed, and Jennie felt it wash over her. The anger consumed her from how the girl was disrespecting her and when she was about to pass she grabbed hold of her wrist and forced her to face her.

"You're not fucking telling anyone about this or I will fucking ruin your career in a second." She threatened the woman as she didn't need it to spread to everyone that she couldn't even get her dick semi-hard. It was going around that she was making women cum left and right, and that she knew exactly how to blow someone's back or use her tongue. It would ruin her reputation when it came to this. For the last few women she had slept with, Jennie had to fake her orgasms and throw the condoms away before they could check if she truly had finished because she grew soft before she was able to finish. It was draining her and the frustrations only grew more, she had reached her peak, and the anger was boiling out of the lid that would blow up.

"Let go of me or they will get to know about this too."

"I told you something and you say that you fucking understand unless you want your career dead!" Jennie's voice boomed through the suite as her grip tightened on the woman's wrist. That anger came without any control, the control she didn't have, but it controlled her life, she was a slave to her anger.

It happened right away as she slapped Jennie because the grip was numbing on her wrist, but Jennie's excuse was that she was already angry. The woman had already angered her and was only pushing more of her buttons. It was all her fault and not Jennie's when she barely flinched from the slap and used her strength when her knuckles itched before colliding with the model's face. It was out of her control in the end and it would have never happened if people listened right away.

Jennie maybe wasn't the biggest person, but she surely did work out and did practise boxing simply for her safety as it was recommended by her team. She could never know who would show up, but it also ended with other people hurt as the force was enough to make the younger woman drop to the floor. Jennie felt her heart pick up in rate like it always would in these situations where she seemingly had no control as the sobs filled the room. It never seemed to stop her though. It only fueled her because of the sense of power she got from it, those bad feelings got replaced with power, dominance, killing whatever challenge the woman tried to put up by even looking her in the eye when she was angry.

It was a curse, but it had been there so long that it felt like a reward.

"Get the fuck out before I break more than your nose and remember that no one would ever believe you over me unless you want legal trouble for defamation of character." She spat out, flailing her hand the slightest that she had used. In the end, Jennie had all the money and Jennie was known as someone with a pure and sweet soul that helped everything and everyone around her. From donations to charities to everything else in between.

No one would believe the girl below her whose nose was bleeding as she looked up at her terrified. It wasn't the first time she got that look. The look let her know that she wasn't the prey and it made her feel safe in her skin, it washed away the embarrassment and humiliation because the woman was scared of her.

"Are you deaf? Get the fuck out, good for nothing whore!" She snarled and watched how the crying girl got up from the floor, grabbing the rest of her stuff to hurry out. Jennie huffed and turned back to the bed with her pants resting at her hips and reached for her phone. She could hear the door slam closed as she opened the phone and looked through her contacts, unsure of who to contact, and what to prioritise. She was frustrated and slumped down onto the bed, sitting at the edge, it was just another lonely night.

Her fingers stumbled upon the name that was stuck to her like glue because she was stupid enough to let it happen. Jennie bit her lower lip and opened the messages she had with the vixen as she knew that she didn't answer phone calls after all the calls she dialled only to not be answered. These were lengths Jennie had never gone to and it was annoying her yet she kept going as she texted the girl.

1:01 AM Are you busy???

She exhaled deeply, waiting for an answer as she just stared ahead of herself, drowning in empty thoughts because she didn't want to think about what happened. The empty thought came to thoughts of wanting to conclude her problems, but she shut every one of them down because she was too rich and powerful to have these problems. She didn't believe in these things so they could never become real problems. The buzz of her phone that was resting on her thigh got her out of it though and she picked it back up.

1:07 AM Studying With Lisa The fuck do you want?

1:08 AM Nudes would suffice, or at least some kind of pictures to jerk off to

In the end, Jennie still felt sexually frustrated, it made the anger go away most of the time and she wouldn't be able to sleep unless she would at least cum in her hand or in the shower. Or maybe both depending on how many pictures she gets–

1:11 AM Have you heard of pornhub, onlyfans or even paying someone to come and suck you off?

1:11 AM Not the same, it's late and I am too busy

1:12 AM You can scroll up then

1:13 AM I want new ones, in red or black lingerie

1:15 AM The fuck do I look like to you? Not a wishing well I hope you slot machine-built bitch

1:15 AM Usually you remind me of a cumslut the way you get covered in it. The fuck do you mean by slot machine?

Jennie groaned as Y/n was working on her nerves and all she wanted was to wank her prick and then go to sleep. She could use her imagination or replay what they had done, but it wouldn't work when her mind was preoccupied with anger and then sex.

1:20 AM You shit money and spurt cum like a slot machine It's all you are good for, pathetic loser :PhotoAttachment1 :PhotoAttachment2 :VideoAttachment3 Here, this is all you get for being so demanding Go kill yourself after instead of texting me again<33

She truly had no clue why she was putting up with the attitude of the mean girl. With most women, she would show them their place and not have them disrespect her or she would kick them to the curb. Maybe it was because she couldn't afford to throw away someone who worked like Viagra on her dick. Or maybe because Y/n didn't seem tameable after the few times Jennie snapped only for the girl to snap right back. It was a challenge and Jennie always won them, this one has been taking longer to win though.

Jennie opened the pictures of the girl in lacy lingerie and she knew that it was just because she had asked for specific ones that Y/n sent her in white and navy blue. It didn't matter as she looked at them while she pushed herself up the bed and leaned back against the headboard. She pulled her pants lower together with her boxers. Her hand blindly reached to the side where the bottle of lube was standing just for these moments. She licked her lips, opening the video of the girl feeling herself with music playing in the background in nothing but white lingerie, her body slim, perfect small tits, long legs, tiny waist, and a body so perfect Jennie couldn't get enough as her hand was already stroking around her growing cock.

Her mind forgot about what happened as it never really mattered since she was invincible to these things damaging her. Instead thinking about how Y/n would work her hands on her thick length and let her release on her face and chest. Her mind was occupied with the girl, never did she think about a specific woman during her days, but now it was happening more often and it was always the same face.

[Present]

Jennie's cock was hard and leaking with salty precum once again, unable to keep it down when she was with Y/n. The younger girl was right beneath her with her clothes on the floor as Jennie continued to kiss her. The cock rested heavily on Y/n's thigh while Jennie's fingers ran through her folds, coating them in stickiness as her thumb found the swollen clit where she had gathered the wetness. Y/n hummed into Jennie's mouth when she reached two fingers down before she with ease slid them inside to get the girl ready for the cock as the stretch got painful at times from how tight she was.

"Fuck," Y/n breathed out as she pulled away from Jennie's lips, the woman slowly doing scissoring motions while rubbing at her g-spot, her thumb still working her clit.

"Tell me how good it feels when I touch you."

"So fucking good, Jennie–" She whined as her hips bucked into Jennie, a moan getting caught in her throat. She pressed harder on her clit, rubbing in just the right motion while stretching the girl with her fingers that continued to spread the tight and squelching hole. Her hips slightly bucked, rubbing herself against the smooth thigh, having a hard time holding back. She kissed down, Y/n tilting her head as she nipped at her skin, knowing that the girl would kill her naked in bed if she left a hickey. Last time she got thrown out with barely any clothes on for trying.

"Who else can make you feel this good? Who else can make you such a desperate whore, Y/n?" The girl under her whined, back arching off the bed as she wrapped her arms tighter around Jennie's back for some grip. It was quite the opposite as the younger girl would leave Jennie with bite and scratch marks that were bleeding at times. Their chests pressed together, and Jennie could feel the cold barbells pressing against her from the pierced nipples.

"No one, God— no one, I'm only a whore for you." Jennie hummed at the stinging of nails pushing into her shoulder blades as Y/n's thighs quivered and her breathing picked up. It was a sort of control that Jennie loved, she loved having this control over Y/n because she depended on her to get a good release.

She depended on her because no one had been able to fuck her right, not even the boyfriend who wasn't even hovering near her mind. All she could think about was the way Jennie pumped her fingers inside her, the way she rubbed at her walls, slowly stretching her to make sure her thick member would fit. Her thumb played with her clit and it was making her whole body tingle as she was nearing her orgasm. Her walls continued to clench as she whimpered and moaned for more. She had fallen for the wrong kind of thing, she had fallen for pleasure and it was all she wanted, it was all that mattered.

"You're so good, knowing what you are for me...A whore for me to empty into." At least she wished the girl would let her fill her hole with cum until it was leaking. To fuck it all right into her womb and leave her crying for more like she had done times before. Y/n let out another moan, her voice going up in pitch and making Jennie's dick twitch at the erotic sound. Her walls clasped around Jennie's two fingers and the heat washed over her body, her breathing coming to a stop for a few seconds as nails dug further into the skin from how she tensed up.

She looked at her, her head thrown back with her chest pressing against Jennie's. Her lips started to trail kisses along her jaw as she continued to work on her clit. "This is what you need, someone to fuck you right," Jennie grumbled, knowing that the guy wasn't able to satisfy Y/n the same way she did. She was the one who made her legs quiver, her back arch, and moans spill if not cries.

Y/n knew it too and she was risking losing both because of where she was stuck yet she continued to grasp at Jennie with her thighs quivering around the woman. The orgasm hit her hard in waves of pleasure and her vision turned black. Her walls pulsating from the aftershocks caused by the high Jennie was able to take her to by simply touching her right.

She slumped down, making Jennie slow down her movements as she continued to kiss along her jaw. Y/n lolled her head to the side and caught Jennie's wet lips with hers, tongues lethargically pressing against each other as her fingers now gently brushed over her shoulder blades and down to her back, feeling the muscles flex as Jennie moved. Her fingers pulled out of the snug and pulsating grip of her wet cunt and she rested both forearms on either side of the girl's head. Shuddering as her cock rested against the heat of the girl.

[Four months ago]

Jennie stopped the car outside the apartment complex and tapped her fingers against the wheel. The last time she had been outside of it was a week ago. It wasn't anything she usually did, but she felt like she needed to do some damage control. She felt like she had somewhat taken advantage when she decided to have sex with the girl who was on a high dose of Ecstasy. She didn't need Y/n to think the same and try to press any charges.

It wasn't like she hadn't had sex with anyone under the influence before, but in those instances, they had taken these drugs willingly–Jennie being under the same influence. The vixen got high on accident. Not only that but her number had been blocked by the younger girl. She just wanted to do damage control to see if it was because she had cheated or because of the circumstances the sex had been initiated under. If it was the second she would have to make sure the girl would be quiet by most likely bribing her, threatening if necessary.

She got out of the car and was shooting in the dark as she had no clue what the girl's last name even was. All she knew was her first name. With the hood up and sunglasses on she walked through the parking lot and towards the door where she had seen Y/n come out of. She was a bit nervous, she couldn't tell how it would go–if she would even find the right door.

It seemed as if luck was on her side when an elderly woman was slowly pushing the door open. Jennie picked up her steps and quickly grabbed the door, pulling it open for her.

"Thank you." She smiled at her and before she could walk out and walk away the billionaire spoke up.

"Wait—uhm you wouldn't happen to know Y/n?"

"Y/n?" The elderly woman questioned as she turned to look at Jennie, holding onto her walker. She quickly nodded her head.

"I go to the same college as her and she only sent me her address, my phone battery is out and I can't ask what door is hers." Jennie reached for her phone and showed the screen that was just turned off, pretending to push the power button on the side. Her lips pursing in feigned despair.

"Third floor under the names Y/l/n and Thomson."

"Thank you, have a good day." Jennie thanked the woman and quickly walked in, letting the door fall closed. She heaved a sigh to see that there was no elevator in the four-story building. With that she started to make her way up the stairwell, her footsteps leaving echoes after them.

She went over what to say in her head, what excuses to use for what happened, and what to offer if the excuses weren't enough. A couple of thousand or a million wouldn't even make a change to her bank account as she earned the money right back in a few minutes. The loud sounds of her sneakers colliding with the stairs stalled as she reached the third floor and huffed, pulling down her hood and pushing her sunglasses up to the top of her head.

She slowly walked along the way, scanning the few doors until her eyes landed on the one with the two last names that were mentioned. It made her stop for a second–she hadn't thought far enough about what she would do if it were the boyfriend who opened. She had no clue what she had told him and the one time she had seen him: she couldn't deny that he was probably four times her size.

It couldn't get that bad though.

Jennie knocked on the door and put her hands in the pockets of her loose jeans as she waited for it to open.

It wasn't opening and she took out her phone to look at the time.

Sunday, 2 p.m.

She reached her hand out and knocked once more to make sure in case it was because she hadn't heard her.

And she did so for a third time.

Finally, she heard some type of noise from the other side and took a step back. Expectantly she waited and the door finally opened to reveal the girl she had slept with last week. It felt almost odd to come face to face with someone she hooked up with. She never really did unless it was some sort of fling she would call over more than once. There was no need to stick to one girl when she could have a new one every day.

It followed with a groan and she scanned the girl whose hair was dripping with water and a towel wrapped around her chest, leaving her overly exposed. Jennie swallowed and with the hand that was still in her pocket adjusted her dick that twitched.

"What the fuck?"

The question flew out of Y/n's mouth, utterly confused about what the older woman was doing outside her door.

Jennie cleared her throat and looked up from the long legs where water was still dripping down. She would pay to lick them up and then continue up–

"I wanted to talk."

"About what?" Y/n's tone was somewhat harsh and it was so for a good reason. The woman whom she had blocked and hoped she would never see again was right in front of her. It didn't feel right. She had spent the past week crying and sleeping on the couch or at Lisa's place all while constantly fighting with her boyfriend because she had no clue what to do with what happened. There was no finish after the start because how did she finish a race like this when she had no clue what the finish line looked like?

"About what happened."

Y/n grumbled and stepped aside as maybe the finish would be talking it through with Jennie. Or maybe she just had to come clean to her boyfriend. Or maybe she was supposed to keep quiet about it for the rest of her life. In the end, it wasn't like her to cheat. She was guilty of harmless flirting with other people, but it was usually for the benefit of a broke college student who got free drinks because she was pretty. She never let anything go further.

Jennie nodded as she stepped inside, using the opportunity to adjust herself a bit better as Y/n's back was turned to her–the lock clicking.

"You have a cat." She pointed out the obvious, for a moment forgetting what she came for as the Russian blue scurried over to them.

"That's Vinci, he's a fucking menace so don't touch him–he only doesn't hate me." Y/n warned as she turned around to see Jennie already crouching down. She stepped around the woman, letting her deal with it as she had already warned her about what the cat was.

"You're being dramatic, look he's coming over to me," Jennie said as the cat rubbed himself on some furniture before heading right over to Jennie. Y/n shrugged and walked into the open living room, she leaned against the backrest of the couch and looked at the woman. It didn't feel right to let her inside the apartment, the home that was hers and Asher's, but she had already invited her to a different place after Jennie invited her to sin. It somewhat irked her that she was so bothered by it. She knew she deserved it, but to see Jennie not mind it at all made her realise that it was her mistake and her mistake only. She couldn't blame Jennie for cheating on her boyfriend.

"I warned you, he's not nice at all."

Jennie reached her hand out and yelped when the cat jumped onto it, biting it with claws digging into her hand, Vinci's back paws kicking at it. The cat tousled with her hand. "Fucking hell!" She exclaimed and pulled him away with her other hand before quickly standing up. It didn't seem to end as he started to attack the sleeves of her pants.

"Get him away." She called for help as she tried to gently push him away to not hurt the cat, but it didn't seem possible, the claws digging into the material of her jeans. Y/n heaved a sigh and pushed herself up as Jennie got backed up into the wall by the cat that was biting on her feet as she tried to get away.

"Come here, my baby." Y/n cooed at the devil of a cat that had left Jennie's hand with scratches, bite marks and some blood streaks. Her feet were in the same condition as her hand. She watched as the girl picked him up, kind of worried that he would do the same to her and leave her exposed clavicles a bloody mess, but all he did was purr and cling to her.

Y/n looked over at Jennie who inspected her hand.

"Told you so." She said. She had told her that the cat wasn't fond of anyone aside from her. Jennie huffed and followed after Y/n who walked back into the living area and let the cat down that ran right to his cat tree, climbing to the top before laying down and staring right at Jennie.

"He has your personality." The brunette commented. He was just as mean as Y/n and the girl was the first one to be a bitch towards her without a care about who Jennie was. She made herself comfortable as she sat down on the couch, the vixen sitting on the other end of it.

"You don't even know me cuckold." Y/n hissed and fixed her towel to make sure that it was secure, feeling the intense gaze of Jennie. Over the years she had grown used to the gazes that could at times make her skin crawl, especially if she was out. The woman's wasn't subtle and Jennie continued to come off as an asshole with the way she stared.

"Know you enough to see that you're quite the bitch and the last thing I am is a cuckold."

"Fine, an unwanted cum stain," Y/n said and clicked her tongue as Jennie was certainly unwanted here and yet she was there.

Jennie rarely had anyone talking to her that way unless they were her closest friends, but even those were few. Her eyes narrowed, unsure of how to take it from the girl who didn't seem to care for a second about who she was. She leaned back on the couch and rested her arm on the backrest.

"Is that so?" Was all she could say as she was quite speechless after being called an unwanted cum stain for the first time in her life.

"Yeah, I blocked your number for a reason." Y/n's eyes averted away from Jennie and she looked at the blank screen of the TV.

That was the exact reason as to why Jennie had come. If the girl hadn't blocked her she would've just asked her through texts and possibly see if she was up for more if the waters were safe. Now it was different as she was at her apartment on a Sunday.

"Which is?"

"Because I don't want to see you again."

Y/n pressed the idea as Jennie was asking a lot of why questions and she didn't need a better reason than simply not wanting to see her.

"Why is that?"

"Cause, there's no good reason to see you again."

The only reason seemed to be if she wanted to cheat again which she wasn't supposed to want. That thrill, that good sex, the thought of being horrible yet still enjoying herself during the moment, she wasn't supposed to want that. There was no good reason for Y/n to see Jennie when it came to Asher. She felt horrible, she felt even worse for enjoying it, and even worse for wanting to experience that adrenaline once again. It was as if she had taken a hit of heroin and grown addicted right away and now the only thing that would be able to suffice her boring life was Jennie with her dick.

It wasn't her fault that her boyfriend was at most decent in bed and even then was all gentle and loving. Scared to hurt her physically because he was so much bigger or say something that would hurt her. They clashed in bed. He was soft and uncomfortable with anything aside from praises and Y/n wanted to at times bang her head against the wall because of it. It was just the sex which didn't matter since she loved him for being the person that he was. Sex was just occasional for them as it wasn't a big part of their relationship. It gave her no right to cheat.

"Not even the sex?" Jennie asked with her eyebrows raised, removing the sunglasses from the top of her head.

"Not even the sex."

She felt somewhat challenged, her big ego about how good she was at pleasuring getting bruised. It made the foundation crack, and her ego extremely fragile because of how big and blown it was. The smallest poke made it blow up and blow away with the wind. That was why she never allowed anyone to try and step on her, or somehow bruise it by putting herself on top right away. Right now she was fighting with Y/n about that spot despite the girl not knowing it, at least she thought she didn't know.

"So it wasn't good?" Jennie continued to ask as she wasn't believing the girl and she also refused to be the only one to think that sex with the girl was quite amazing. She had to think the same.

"Not good enough for me to even remember it." Y/n lied as she could remember every single part of it and the only thing she couldn't remember was anything else from that night.

"You have to remember something. You were high but I hope that wasn't a problem since I asked for your consent."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to accuse you of anything. I was high, but well aware of what was happening even if I was more prone to letting it happen...You should consider not fucking girls high on E 'cause not everyone would let it slide after because of the headspace you get into."

"That was why I came." Jennie knew that it wasn't right to have sex with the girl if she wasn't in the right state of mind. It wasn't the case since it hadn't made her dissociative just like Y/n said that she had been aware. Although ecstasy had made her more clingy and somewhat unaware of how far things were being taken until they had happened since standards lowered and everyone was a friend when ecstasy coursed in the veins. She was worried she would have regretted it differently after and then accused Jennie of things.

"Well, you have your answer," Y/n concluded and was about to stand up, but was stopped.

"Okay, but why did you block me if that wasn't the problem?" That still bothered Jennie because she felt imbecilic for trying to text the girl only to be blocked. It made no sense for her to be blocked in the first place when she usually had to block girls because they thought the sex meant something. Everyone wanted it to mean something because she had money.

"What does it matter to you?"

"Didn't think it would be a one-time thing, especially if we both were drunk and high...Doesn't count in my opinion." Jennie used it as an excuse for her bruised ego. All she wanted to do was have sex one more time and prove how good she was, but then block the girl to bruise hers right back.

Y/n raised her eyebrows at the words and watched as Jennie shifted, her gaze catching her eyes. She blinked, trying to process what she meant by that.

"What?"

Jennie shrugged at that. "I want to have sex with you at least once more...I could pay you if that means that you agree." She casually explained that she wanted to at least have sex once more with the vixen and this time properly to make sure that she would remember it and want more.

The girl on the other side looked more offended than pleased by the offer.

"Okay, first of all, I would never have sex with anyone for money and second, no." Y/n ridiculed the whole thing as bizarre as she couldn't phantom where the older woman had so much confidence to ask something like this. It didn't matter how good-looking someone was, it was a far reach, but maybe girls agreed to her if they were desperate enough. Y/n knew that she wasn't.

"Why not? It's just sex, it's not like I am some musty creep."

"Because I have a boyfriend, it's cheating," Y/n answered as it was cheating, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't do it. She refrained from leaping to the world of selfishness which was lust and desire. It wasn't right at all and she tried her best to not look for valid reasons to go through with it. The internal battle was constant when she knew what she should choose right away. She was supposed to leave Sin City- she wasn't supposed to enter to begin with.

"Doesn't count if he won't find out. Where is he?" Jennie glanced around the empty apartment, finding no reason for the girl to hold back if her man wasn't home and wouldn't find out. It was only cheating if she got caught in her opinion. It was like playing a board game, she only got called out for it if the rest saw, found out, or suspected that she was cheating. The coast was clear and the game could continue without any problems.

"Practice," Y/n mumbled and widened her eyes at the sound of a zipper flying open.

"What're you doing, keep it in your pants, Jennie." She exclaimed as the woman was about to reach into her pants because she thought that it was the green light when the girl answered. She heaved a sigh and rested her fingers under the hem of her boxer briefs, the pants unzipped and her dick slowly growing harder.

"Is it because you don't want to cheat or what?" She asked. Jennie had a past of cheating, but it had never bothered her like it did Y/n so she couldn't grasp it.

Y/n inhaled deeply, her gaze falling on the cat that was now asleep, the apartment silent.

"It's because of the opposite when it shouldn't be." She couldn't help but want it, but she knew that it wasn't right so she couldn't grasp what was wrong with her head. She loved her boyfriend and that meant that she shouldn't even think of it, but she truly didn't love him any less just because she wanted some good sex. It was just sex, it wasn't even what defined their relationship since sex was the last thing on their list. It wasn't like she would stop loving him or he her—as long as he didn't find out–Jennie was nothing but some good dick.

Y/n felt horrible, all those reasonings weren't right, and there was no good enough reason to cheat. She was aware of that. Nothing was ever good enough to go this far. Nothing was excusable. She felt ashamed for enjoying it–

Yet she found herself bent over the couch with Jennie giving her such backshots that her eyes were rolling back when she came and cheating wasn't even a real word or concept. "Oh fuck." Jennie groaned out, pulling out of the girl and jerking herself off before blowing her hot load right on the perfectly slim ridges of her spine.

It didn't count as long as he didn't find out.

[Present]

"You're on birth control, we don't need them," Jennie complained as the younger girl opened the bedside drawer and reached for the condoms she had in there. It was becoming quite an expense because of how they went at it for hours when they could. She didn't use them with her boyfriend but did at times so there would be no questions about why there were condoms at home. Her hands ran over Y/n's body which was straddling her thighs as she sat leaned against the headboard.

"We do." The answer was simple as she deadpanned it.

"What for?" Jennie asked as she cupped her one breast, her fingers tugging at the hard nipple and toying around with the piercing. She leaned in and left a few kisses along the other breast before sucking in the bud into her mouth. She toyed with the nipple, playing with the piercing and grazing her teeth along it as it scraped over her teeth. Sighs left Y/n's mouth as she gripped onto Jennie's head.

"Not just for pregnancy." She breathed out and Jennie pulled away, another frown graced her eyebrows and Y/n handed her the wrapper, but she didn't take it.

"Do you think I carry some kind of STD?" She seriously asked and Y/n shrugged her shoulders at that, not up for humouring Jennie who always acted like she was dead in the brain in Y/n's opinion. At least she knew how to use her other head.

"Didn't say you do, but you never know what might happen. I only have one partner and see you on the side while I have no clue who you sleep with. If I were to catch something, what would I say?" The words left her with ease, cheating being a normal topic and she knew what she was at the back of her head. Y/n tried to ignore it most of the time because she didn't want to face the horrible person that she was.

"I use protection with every girl I meet." She had started to at least as she was done with shoving plan B's down girl's throats. Then she had no other choice since they would be able to tell that she had been faking her orgasms since she grew soft inside if she even got it up which hadn't been possible last time. It was mostly possible when she was wasted drunk, that was when she could get it up and hope for it to stay up.

"Oh wow, would you look at that, how great that I have stacked up on condoms then," the sarcasm irked Jennie as Y/n opened the packet herself and took out the rubber.

"You don't use them when you suck me off–" Jennie pointed out and her breath shuddered at how Y/n gently started to pull the condom over her dick that was standing proudly (seemingly just for her) like usual. It clicked in her head that it was something more than just protection from pregnancy and STDs because then she would make sure to have a condom on when she would go down on her. "What is it then?" She asked and grabbed hold of Y/n's wrist and hip, stopping the girl from being able to get on top of her. Her grip was tight to make sure she would stay.

"What does it matter to you? You're here to fuck so stop being a freak." Y/n defensively let out as Jennie had gotten oddly close to her and she didn't like it. She didn't like the girl asking her all these questions or even talking to her too much. They were supposed to fuck and then part ways. It had taken an even more wrong turn than cheating somewhere along the way with how their relationship looked like.

She let go of her wrist and grabbed hold of her dick. "I will fuck you." She sneered as she guided her tip to the sopping hole. Y/n's breath hitched as a cry left her lips and not in pleasure when the girl forcefully pushed her down fully on her length. She grasped onto Jennie's shoulders, her heart speeding up at the pain that had shot up through her whole spine. "Jen–" Her words were cut short, getting caught in her throat as Jennie planted her feet down and started to pound into her. Her lip was between her teeth, her eyes trained on their heat, watching how her cock disappeared into the girl whose pussy was grasping her inside.

"Fuck, you fucking cunt." Y/n whined, the pain slowly subsided but it didn't change the fact that Jennie had been way harsher than she was ready for without letting her adjust to the stretch. Her walls were throbbing around the cock that stretched her out in a way that turned into pleasure. The way the curved shaft caressed her g-spot made her stomach tighten, feeling Jennie deep inside her as each thrust filled her to the brim and made her clench to get as much as possible.

"You don't want to take my cum? I will fuck you so good you will be begging for me to knock you up. Fucking whore, acting all superior, I will fuck you into place like the slut that you are." Jennie rambled on, grunting with each thrust as Y/n wrapped her arms around her shoulders, unable to keep up with how sudden it all was. It was safe to say that she was angry and to Y/n that meant being fucked silly.

"I hate you so much."

"Yet you take my dick like you don't." Jennie groaned, the girl on top of her moaning right by her ear and she reached her hands down to her ass, gripping firmly. She was filling her to the hilt, with each downstroke she thrust up, Y/n's ass slapping against her thighs and her nails digging into the sides of her neck. The girl tried her best to meet the rough thrusts, her thighs tensing up and gasps fell from her lips.

Jennie had no clue what it was, but she forgot her self-control around the girl. Not only because she was hot, but because she gave her every reason to not have any control over her anger when she liked to treat her like dirt under her shoes. However, Jennie did control it because the girl would most likely be crying from pain right now and not pleasure. She was just giving back the same type of attitude by fucking her like a whore.

Her cock hit the right spots, reaching deep inside her and managing to caress her g-spot the entire time she was pounding into her. Jennie's breaths grew heavy, Y/n's body warm in her hold as she watched the perfect curves of her slim figure. Her eyes fell on the chest, the tits that were perfect to fit in her hands bounced and Jennie leaned in. Her teeth nipped at the skin, sucking the hard nipples into her mouth to play with the piercings and tug on them, it made Y/n moan and gasp right into her ear. The pleasure increased and her clit throbbed while her stomach tensed up.

"Wanna come." Y/n moaned out, wanting nothing more than to orgasm once again.

Jennie pulled away from the chest that was glistening with her spit, the hard buds left red and slightly swollen from how she abused them with her mouth. "Only if I let you." The room filled with the sounds of their skin slapping against each other. Y/n's moans and gasps bounced off the walls just like Jennie's moans and grunts. She could feel the brunette's cock deep in her as her walls clenched with each of the harsh thrusts that made her breathless. Jennie reached her hand behind Y/n's head and gripped her hair, forcing her away and making her look at her as the girl was hiding in her neck.

"You need so much cock to satisfy you that you go behind your boyfriend's back." She reminded her, deciding to trample on the girl because she had been getting on her nerves since she entered the apartment. She groaned, Y/n's nails digging into the sides of her neck as she continued to roll her hips, bouncing up and down on her length yet Jennie had all the control as she continued to piston in and out of her.

Despite how whiny she felt and needy for an orgasm, her eyes barely staying open, she was getting pissed off by Jennie's words. "Shut the fuck up, you're sounding obsessed again." Y/n too knew how to trample the girl whose cock was rearranging her insides into a mess. The vixen knew that she was cheating, but she didn't want to be reminded of it, she didn't want to think of it. She knew that she had no right because it was a choice, but she still felt ashamed and guilty every single day. It didn't seem to stop her because the second she saw Jennie it was the same all over again.

Jennie stopped, Y/n still moving her hips although not for long when Jennie grabbed hold of her waist. "Fuck–" Y/n winced at the painful grip that would leave bruises. She wanted to be pissed but she had no time when Jennie pushed her onto her back before then forcing her onto her stomach. The girl barely managed to put up a fight from how quickly Jennie handled her.

"You're hurting me, you perverted jagoff." She complained and tried to struggle at the grip that Jennie had on her wrists, pinning them down above her head as she lay pressed into the mattress.

Jennie looked down, pinning both hands with her one. She looked down at the girl whose thighs she was straddling, her cock resting against her ass cheek. Y/n's back arched and the struggling did nothing, but only turned Jennie on more to know that she had all the control. It was tempting to just remove the condom since Y/n wouldn't be able to do anything about it or even notice at first–she refrained because she didn't want to get thrown out. She slowly rubbed her hard-on against her plump ass– "Don't call me obsessed with a fucking wimp."

"Ahh!" Y/n buried her face in the duvet, completely trapped under Jennie whose palm landed right against her ass cheek. It stung, the pain prickling on the skin as she heaved to try and distract herself from the pain. Jennie surely knew how to slap. It was another try to wiggle out from under her to get spared, all she felt was Jennie's cock rubbing against her ass.

"Stop acting it." She mumbled into the sheets, eyes closed as she panted through her mouth before biting down and whining, eyes shut tightly at how the woman's palm collided with her ass again.

Jennie gripped the flesh, soothing over the hot skin as she kneaded the girl's ass in her hand. "You think I care about him? If I did, I wouldn't be fucking his girlfriend." Jennie gritted out, the anger bubbling in her chest as her grip tightened on Y/n's wrists who twisted the duvet between her fingers at how numbing it was. She gasped out a breath as the pain was still lingering and Jennie only landed another harsh slap against the same ass cheek and she choked on a cry this time, trying to squirm under the woman. Her back arched and her ass pressed into Jennie at how the pain made her twist before she relaxed when the worst part subsided and all that was left was the pulsating left after.

"Fuck– that's not it," Y/n said with heavy breaths as it wasn't that which she found Jennie looking obsessed over. The vixen snivelled as she blinked away her tears and moved her head, resting her cheek against the mattress as she looked at Jennie over her shoulder. The hand was now caressing the reddening spot.

She hummed, urging Y/n to say it as she removed her hand from her ass and grabbed the base of her dick that was throbbing as she positioned herself straddling the girl's thighs and pushed her tip between her legs, finding the aching hole. She only pushed her tip in, the younger girl already whimpering as the position made her a much tighter fit. The walls sucked her tip into a chokehold of a grip, making Jennie suck air through her teeth at how good the warm and tight cunt felt.

"You're obsessed with his position, with the fact that he isn't the one on the side but you and that's what you will always be."

Jennie bit down on her tongue, running her palm along the ridges of the slim girl's spine as she lowered herself, propping herself up on her forearms, still holding her hands pinned down with hers. She didn't want the girl to have any control whatsoever, all she wanted for Y/n to be able and use was her mouth. They came face to face and stared each other in the eye, the lust was strong, and it was fueling the whole room. They knew what they were doing and what it meant, what it was supposed to mean at least.

"Don't act like you don't want me." Her tone was husky and she caught the whimper that was about to leave Y/n's mouth when she pushed herself inside the girl in one fluid motion. Y/n pulled away rather quickly as the moans started to spill when Jennie moved back out before slamming her cock back inside the sweltering heat. Her pelvis collided with Y/n's ass with each deep thrust, keeping it up as she continued to pull out, leaving her tip in and slamming it all back in. The vixen's lighter body getting fucked into the mattress.

"I fucking own you in the bedroom, I own you even when you fuck him because you think about me when you do." Her tone was gruff as she spoke in a hushed tone right into Y/n's ear who shivered at the air that brushed her sensitive ears. She grunted, going rougher and Y/n's moans got louder, unable to keep the sounds back when Jennie was pounding her full length into her tight hole. She clenched around her hard dick even more, it was followed by a muffled whimper from Jennie whose body was almost fully pressed against Y/n's back, their legs tangled together.

Each heaving breath mixing into the sounds, the two lost in their sins as the place they were in was the only place that brought them away from everything else. There was no guilt, no shame, no hesitation, or stress, not in their city of sins because it was just them. The two were addicted to these feelings and each other in ways that were unhealthy. There were no questions asked or anyone to judge. It was what made it possible to get lost in pleasure.

"Fuck, Y/n, fuck, I'm gonna make you cum so hard baby, I will fuck you so good the whole night. You're gonna take me so good like you always do, my favourite slut." Jennie mumbled, her mind getting lost as she kissed the girl's shoulder before licking a long stripe and biting down to pull at the thin skin. Her dick throbbed inside the pulsating walls that were warm and welcoming even if it got painful at times. The girl's cunt clasped around her with each thrust, having her cock in a choke hold as each time made Jennie moan right into her ear.

"You make me feel so good." Y/n let out a choked moan, her hips pushing into Jennie as her body turned into a heat that coursed through every nerve and vein. A sheen of sweat covered their bodies that pressed against each other with their heat conjoined. "Who else fucks your slutty pussy this good, hmm? Who else can get you like this?" She rasped, biting along her shoulder and up to her ear that she pulled at with her lips before kissing. Her hips were ruthless as she kept up the rough thrust that made her pant for air.

"Just you, only you can fuck me this good–your dick is the only dick that can fill me up this good."

Jennie's breathing got deeper and heavier, her heart beating harder as her balls tightened, being close to releasing another load. "Your pussy is so good, my favourite, I just wanna empty my balls into you 'cause you take me so well. You deserve all of my cum, baby." Y/n's moans were falling breathless after Jennie's tip had been abusing her g-spot the whole time. Jennie let go of her wrists. Y/n grasped at the sheets and Jennie moved her hand down and grabbed her hip. She lifted them slightly before letting her hand run down between Y/n's thighs.

"Jennie– Oh, I'm gonna–"

"Show me how good you feel." Jennie urged, her fingers circling the girl's clit in a motion that made her whole body tense.

She watched the girl whose mouth was agape, eyes barely open and all she could see were the whites when Y/n's body spasmed more into her. The orgasm washed over her hard, black and white filling her vision as high-pitched moans spilled through her plump and wet lips without a pause, making her run out of breath at the end. It made her whole body weak and dizzy, whining at how the fingers were still playing with her clit.

"I'm so close, I'm gonna cum so much." Jennie groaned out through the deep breaths and Y/n managed to find her words.

"On me. Please, Jennie." She pleaded, wanting Jennie to paint her with her thick and hot cum. It made her hips stutter and her stomach flexed, edging herself because of the request. She didn't waste time as she grabbed the base of her length and pulled out, getting off her thighs.

"Get the fuck up, I'm not gonna hold it for you." She gritted out, helping Y/n with one hand while removing the condom with the other. Her tip was swollen, throbbing and begging for a release, her balls having plenty for the vixen. Y/n got turned onto her back and Jennie stood on her knees beside her, the girl expectantly looking up at her. Eyes falling to the thick cock, a long vein running on the underside, her tip bright red and mushroom-shaped and her balls big and heavy.

Jennie jerked at her dick, staring the girl down, getting more turned on by how submissive she was being, how she had all the control, how she was begging for her. The power that she held over someone like Y/n. She looked at her perky breast, nipples hard and the silver jewellery pierced through them. Her eyes drowned in the perfect body laid out for her, how hot and sexy the girl was until her eyes landed back on her face, those sharp siren-like eyes, dark brown locks, luscious lips, flawless skin, every little feature.

It made Jennie raise her hand to her mouth and bite down on her fist to muffle the whimpers when her balls tightened and the cum started to shoot out of her tip. Her back arched as she bucked her hips into her hand, doing her best to control where it was going, but it seemed impossible at how intense the orgasm was this time compared to when she came in her pants. Her whimpering and moaning muffled and Y/n felt the warm and creamy release splattering onto her skin.

She didn't want the girl mocking her for it once again because she knew how mean Y/n was.

She heaved, breaths shaky as she managed to open her eyes which closed at some point. She did one last stroke and this time the cum just leaked out of her tip, dripping down onto the sheets as her dick started to go limp.

"Fuck, you look hot." She breathed out and Y/n glanced down at her chest which was covered in the fluid and she felt some on her face.

"Give me my phone." Y/n requested, holding her hand out as she lay in the same position, not having the energy to move at the moment. Jennie slumped down and reached over to the nightstand, taking the girl's phone before handing it to her, not realising how she obeyed each request no matter the girl's tone.

"Will you take a picture and send it to me?" She asked with a hopeful tone as she knew that she would be able to get off to the picture every single day for at least a week before asking for a new one. Y/n scoffed at the request.

"No, are you dumb?" She asked and Jennie frowned.

"Why not, you've sent pictures before?"

"Cause I am naked." She had sent the girl pictures, but never any nudes and never showed her face in them aside from a glimpse of her lips. Jennie grumbled to herself, trying to get a mental picture of the masterpieces she created on the girl. Y/n still opened her camera to see where it all was.

"You fucking cunt, you came in my hair." She complained and Jennie groaned when she got kicked in the thigh. Y/n turned her phone off and threw it to the side before she sat up, facing Jennie. She looked over her, the woman almost lying down as she sat leaning against the headboard. A frown and her lips puckered at the treatment. Her dick rested against her thigh and it wouldn't be long until it would be all ready for Y/n to take again. "Don't make that face until you've had cum in your hair." Y/n hissed and sucked air through her teeth.

"Where're you going?" Jennie asked when Y/n got up from the bed.

"Shower."

"I'm coming too–Wait, have you–" Jennie paused and sat up at the edge of the bed, Y/n looked back at the woman who sighed.

"Are you hungry?" Y/n raised her eyebrows at that and shrugged her shoulders. "I guess, I haven't eaten today." She replied. She hadn't had time to eat as her fridge was empty and she didn't have money for takeout or the time to buy any groceries. It was always Asher who did these things since the girl got too busy, but things got in the way after they had another fight and he never managed to buy anything before needing to leave for the weekend.

She did fight with him, but she fought even more with Jennie who was the side thing. It made little sense, but it stayed.

"Why not?" Jennie asked, wondering how the girl was even standing up as it was close to 8 p.m. and she had some pretty intense sex a second ago. Jennie's legs felt like jelly and she sat at the bed, watching Y/n's naked figure.

"Haven't had time and my fridge is empty and I am too broke to order," Y/n answered while opening the closet door and taking out new sweats and tee. She stopped for a second and remembered the pair of sweats Jennie had forgotten after having spare clothes with her. She reached for the pair of grey sweats she had stuffed behind the rest of her bottoms. "Why do you care so much?" She asked with a sigh and turned back around, closing the door after her.

"I feel like it is a normal thing to care about people." Y/n only hummed and threw the sweats to Jennie before she headed for the door to get to the bathroom. Jennie quickly got up to not get locked out of the bathroom for taking too long once again, taking her phone and shirt with her. "Can I order food then?" She questioned and she usually left right after, but that hadn't been the case with Y/n for the past months. Never did she spare the women a second glance, she viewed them as her sex toys she threw away after using once, but Y/n was a doll she wanted to last a bit longer so she treated her well.

Whatever treating someone well was in Jennie's world.

"Do whatever you want."

"Well, I mean can I order food for us both?" She rephrased her question for the girl. Following Y/n who walked into the bathroom which was right beside the bedroom from the side where the front door was.

"How long do you plan on staying? Friends are coming tomorrow at around 4," Y/n asked instead.

"I could leave before that? Or do you not want me to stay the night?" She confusedly asked and stepped inside the bathroom that wasn't too big with just a simple glass shower in the corner, a sink with a mirror and the toilet. At this point, she had fucked the girl on probably every surface in the apartment. She closed the door before she tossed the clothes onto the towel rack and Y/n started the shower.

"I was supposed to be studying."

"You can do that."

"Without anyone trying to stuff their dick inside me like a horny teenager." Jennie pursed her lips at that and ran a hand through her slightly tousled hair. She stepped into the shower where Y/n already was, closing the glass door and getting under the steaming water that was pouring down on them. "What if I don't? Or you could study tomorrow or any other day." She tried since she wanted to stay as long as possible since there was no telling when she would get to be with Y/n again. She wanted to get as much sex as possible in case the same problem occurred with another girl again. It could take anything from a day to a week. Jennie's arm would get sore.

"Fine."

"Good, I already ordered the food." She mumbled as she was starving after the sex with the succubus of a girl. Y/n rolled her eyes and Jennie grabbed hold of her hips, turning her around so she would face her. She pulled her closer and captured her wet lips with her own, the girl humming as she parted her lips for Jennie.

TAGSLIST! @yxlis @jisooftme @geeminz @lisas-earlobe @xszn @badasgff @badaspookie @hwm1hyun / taglist is open

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messiahzzz · 3 months

Text

while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

#with love. a person diagnosed with bpd <3 #this turned much longer than i originally intended it to be (aka less of a reply and more of a character study)#by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry #i debated if i should put this in the tag at first #but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion #also to reiterate: this is by NO MEANS a slight at the original poster #i just thought it more respectful to make my own post instead of invading theirs with my ranting #fandom is all about fun and escapism.#if you interpret characters in a certain way that i personally disagree with that is a-okay #BUT i’m also gonna have my own specific brand of fun by pointing out why you’re wrong (affectionately)#also i quickly want to add that if you're interested in a very accurate and respectful portrayal of bpd: watch crazy ex-girlfriend!!#its on netflix and genuinely such a funny and unapologetically weird show. the writers have really done their homework #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 meta #character analysis #it speaks #long post #suicide mention

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goldenlikedayl1ght · 7 months

Text

blank space - m. murdock

a/n: uhm... this one is dedicated to my friend arin who doesn't like daredevil but is encouraging me to be more unhinged. i hope you guys enjoy because i had a blast writing this. possible part two in the works, please like and reblog with comments and feedback <3 warnings: i cannot emphasize this enough-- DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT there is so little comfort to all of this hurt. matt is abusive and mean and reader is tortured and quiet and readers dad is an addict and a gambler and also stabbing, cursing, talking about fucking, sub/dom dynamics, nicknames, fem reader, lmk if i missed any! word count: 3.5k summary: Your dad makes your life horrible. Matt can make it worse. paring: dark!matt murdock x reader now playing: blank space (taylor's version) - taylor swift "so it's gonna be forever/or it's gonna go down in flames?/you can tell me when it's over/if the high was worth the pain"

You never meant to get involved with him.

Really, it wasn’t anything you did.

As usual, it came back around to your father, who had a bad gambling problem, as well as a substance issue, and would often be tempted to gamble big prizes for things like coke or heroin. He would bet money, college funds, heirlooms, your house.

But of course, he couldn’t pay these debts.

Your mom had been gone for quite some time, and you suspect this is where your fathers’ addictions stem from. But you’re trying to just make your way through your adult life. You had gone to a local college, unable to afford much else. Now, you worked in a dingy little office where they constantly abused your work ethic.

Between your grief, his constant betting on your lively hood, and your asshole boss, you felt your bones grow tired. Not the sort of tired that could be fixed by a good night’s sleep. The sort of tired that could be fixed by a new life, not that you had the means for that.

You think your mother would haunt you for the rest of your days if you abandoned your dad.

Friday night came, and you were ready to go home to the small apartment you shared with your father, and drink some wine, and get a nice sleep.

You had been told by your boss that you needed to stay late to translate paper files to the digital system. No, you would not be getting paid overtime.

It was dark by the time you finally left, your feet aching in your heels as you made your way through Hell’s Kitchen, wanting to get home so as not to start crying on the streets of New York.

You don’t make it home.

As you turn the corner by your block, you notice a van creeping up on you. How long had it been following you? If you weren’t so tired, maybe you would know.

But the van pulled up next to you, and you did the only thing you could in this situation. You started to run.

Only, you made it about ten feet before you twisted your ankle with these stupid fucking heels. As you fall, you let out a cry of pain, and before you can think, two men are outside the van. They grab you by the arms and pull you into the van, the whole time you struggle.

Someone puts a black hood over your head and wraps duct tape around your hands. Your ankle is fucking aching.

You aren’t sure how long you drive for, but someone is then pulling you out of the van and drags you along. They give you an opportunity to walk but your ankle hurts to the point where you can’t walk.

They drag you again, and your foot is dragging, and holy shit, you can’t believe that your biggest concern while being kidnapped is how much your ankle hurts.

Eventually, hood on your head still, you are sat in a chair. Your hands are untied, and you want to jump up and fight, but you know your ankle won’t help you here.

They quickly tie your hands back to the chair, with rope this time. Whoever ‘they’ are.

You’re starting to have trouble breathing, because you’re realizing what sort of situation, you’re in right now.

You’ve been kidnapped for something; you have to assume in some way that it’s to get back at your father.

The hood is pulled off your head, and your eyes take a moment to adjust.

The room you’re in is dark, dingy. You know there’s two people behind you, big enough to carry you. You can hear water outside the room, assuming you’re in an abandoned office by the docks. Then, there’s three people in front of you.

One is a man, with long blond hair. He wears a nice suit and is just standing in front of the door. Another is a woman, with even longer blond hair and she also dons rather luxurious apparel. Your dirty work clothes make you look meager next to her.

The last is a man with dark hair. He wears a simple, rather expensive suit, and red glasses.

If you weren’t on the verge of a meltdown, you’d probably realize how hot he is.

Oh, he also holds a knife.

The blond man talks first.

“So. Do you want to start, or should we?”

“What?” Your ankle throbs.

“I guess we should, then.” He hums. “Do you have five grand worth of heroin on you, dear?”

You could throw up.

“I—”

“No, of course you don’t. You and your boyfriend probably used it all.”

What is he talking about? Now, on top of being in pain and panicked, you’re confused.

“The man you live with?” The woman finally speaks. “I assume you two used all the heroin he stole.”

You realize she means your father. You realize that your father stole five grand worth of heroin. What else did he steal?

“What else does he owe?”

“No, darling,” she scoffs, “We ask, you answer.”

“I don’t do heroin.”

“So, how do you know he owes us more?”

“Took a wild fucking guess.” You spit. “Figured you wouldn’t kidnap someone over five grand, figure money is no object.”

The man with the knife steps out of the shadows. Your heartbeat races, and he chuckles. He crouches in front of you.

“You’re a spitfire. I like that. In fact, I love that in a woman, don’t I, Foggy?” He turns his head back slightly.

Foggy answers.

“That you do, man.”

His head turns back to you. But you get the impression by his glasses that he can’t see. So how is he looking right at you?

“If you give us some sort of sass like that again, I’ll stab you and make sure you feel every second of pain.” You whimper, and he laughs again. “Not so cocky anymore, are we, sweetheart?” He stands and goes behind you, his arms landing on the outside of your own, caging you in. He leans down and whispers in your hear, “Is this.. turning you on, sweetheart?”

You don’t answer.

“Answer me.”

“No.”

“Liar.” He whispers back, the knife gracing over your ear. He cuts your ear just enough to make it bleed, and tears slip down your face. He makes his way back to the front of you and crouches again. “I’ll ask you again. How do you know he owes me more?”

“I figured he would, when gamblers start, they don’t stop.”

“Not only did you lie to me again, you also just gave yourself away. Lie to me again and I hurt you worse.”

Your foot that isn’t hurt goes up and kicks him in the face. At least it tries, because his reaction is too quick, and he grabs your ankle.

“Bad, bad girl.” He tuts. He lets go of your leg and picks up your other leg, the one with the bruising, swollen ankle. You start to shake. His hand squeezes the wound and when you yell in pain, he just coos at you. “Aw, does that hurt, sweetheart?”

You’re busy crying.

“Answer me!” He demands. It shakes you to your core. You realize you do not know who you’re dealing with, and you’re even angrier at your father for jeopardizing you like this.

“Yes!” You sob, and this seems to satisfy him. He takes the knife in his other hand and slowly cuts open your stocking, loving the way you’re shaking with fear.

“Keep moving and you’ll cut yourself.”

You try to calm yourself down, on the verge of a panic attack. The knife grazes your leg, and he starts to focus in on your thigh, twisting the knife around your skin.

“How do you know him?” he asks. And you aren’t sure why you try it. You don’t know how he knows when you lie.

“I’ll find a way to pay you back, just let me go, I promise, I’ll tell you where he is, just—”

Then you feel it.

The knife pierces your thigh and is lodged into your leg. You scream in pain, gripping the arms of the chair. Fuck, it hurts. Your vision blurs, and you’re unsure whether it’s from pain or from your tears.

He stands up in front of you, ignoring the stares from Karen and Foggy. He knows he might have gone a step too far for someone he’s pretty sure is innocent in all this. But he can’t help himself. He likes hearing you wither in pain, and he likes being the person administering the pain. He has all these things he’s in control of, but at this moment, no one else is in the room. It’s you and him, in a rather intimate moment.

He pats your chin, “C’mon, focus, right here, sweetheart. Tell me the truth and I make the pain go away.” He tells you, breaking through the wall of pain and fear that blocks your ability to think.

“He’s my father!” You finally cry out. It comes out as if you’re yelling in church, screaming to God a confession you can’t bear anymore. The only thing missing is your position on your knees, but being below this man like this is as close to an altar as you can see yourself being. “I know he has a gambling problem, and I know he has a drug problem but that’s it! I don’t know anything else, I just lost the parent roulette, okay?!” Your words come gasped out, in between sobs and when you’re not too distracted with your pain.

He seems to be satisfied with this. He gets back down, closer to the ground. Now he’s the one at the altar, but the devil has no place in a church, only between your thighs. He tilts his head and kisses the inside of your thigh.

“See? Good girls get rewards.” Bad girls get stabbed. He stands up, and with him, he pulls at the knife. Blood gushes as you cry out in pain again, sure he'll leave you to bleed out, to be fed on by rats.

He drops the knife at your feet and adjusts his tie.

“What should we do with her, boss?”

“Go get her father.” He says, “But don’t let her go just yet. I’d like to keep her a while.” You think you’ll be sick. “Knock her out though, we don’t want her knowing where she is.” That’s the last thing before the butt of a gun meets your head.

It’s a nice relief from the pain.

• • •

You wake up on a bed with silk sheets. It’s almost nice enough for you to forget about the whole situation. Maybe your whole life has been a dream, and really, you’re a rich housewife for a man who loves you deeply and your mom is still alive.

But then you sit up, and your stockings are ripped, and your heels are gone.

A brace wraps around your hurt ankle. A bandage wraps around your thigh. The pain isn’t there anymore, you’re not sure what drugs have been given to you.

The room is rather barren, you realize, with little to no works of art or even photos, and it’s rather dark. It’s also freezing cold, a central air system whirling around you. You wonder, if you’re a prisoner, then why put you in a room like this?

What is happening?

The door opens and immediately you went to defend yourself, though there were no weapons around you.

The man from the night before steps into the room, and he looks... casual. He wears dark jeans and a tee shirt, his glasses discarded. Bandages wrapped around his knuckles.

“Oh, good. You’re awake.” You don’t respond, just stare at him. “I’m Matt.”

You stay quiet.

“You’re not being tortured anymore, honey. If you want, you can lie and be mean now, I don’t bite. Not anymore. Not unless you want me to.”

“I’m Matt.” You repeat, unable to believe it. “You stab me in the leg and kidnap me, and you go as casual as ‘I’m Matt’?” He grins.

“I told you; I love a woman with some fire.” You wonder how many times he’s used that line on people. “Telling them they’re beautiful just doesn’t hit the same way when you’re blind.” He says, going over to a door, and when he opens it, you realize it’s a closet.

“I want nothing to do with you.”

“No?” He turns to you, and smiles. He says your name. How does he know it? “You went to college for Marketing, cute. No siblings. Your mom died a few years ago, after a long battle with cancer. I’m sorry.” This sounds sincere. “You were engaged once, but he cheated on you and is now married to the other woman.” And he goes back to stinging. “Your father, I know all about him. David is an addict and a gambler. Now, addict, I could deal with. Addiction runs deep but it can be managed. It’s the gambling that frustrates me, and Sweetheart, If I’m frustrated, you must be riled up. He gambles everything, I should know. He gambles it to Foggy, who shares it with me.” He hums. He picks clothes out of the closet and heads back to you, “The pants are your size, but the shirt is mine.” He tells you, laying the clothes out in front of you. “Don’t worry about me watching, or anything.” It’s almost enough to make you smile.

You get changed, the challenge of slipping into the slightly lose jeans the hardest part. The bandage fits right in there, but even whatever pain meds have been given to you, aren’t enough.

“So, your father,” You groan, your face in your hands. You get it, your father is awful, and he hates him, but you know that your father is awful, and you know that you hate him. Why must he keep involving you? “I know, sweetheart, you’re in pain, and you hate him, but just stay with me on this.” he says, a cooing tone to his voice. You don’t know why, but you’re compelled to listen to him. “Your father forces you to live in this small apartment, because you’re the only one who works, and he always manages to find your money to gamble away. But it’s not just the money, it’s your electronics, your nice shoes, any pills you have in the house. And really, by doing all this, he is gambling you. Because not only is he risking not being able to pay his debts and someone taking you, but you’re tired. Aching for absolution that will never come. But the worst part is that even though all this stems from his grief around your mom, he gambled her wedding and engagement rings, the one you were always told you’d be proposed with.”

Tears well your eyes.

“Please, stop.”

He sits next to you on the bed, and you don’t have the energy to move away from him. In fact, you lean against him ever so slightly. He must know it too, you figure, since he can tell when you’re lying and when your heartbeat races. He’s warmer than you imagined. He’s a beacon of warmth in this cold, dim room.

He takes something out of his pocket, and then drops it into your hands. It’s a necklace, just a simple chain. Three things hang on it. A silver charm with an ‘M’ on it, and two rings. Your mom’s engagement ring, and her wedding band. You thought you’d never see it again, not after you came home and went to your jewelry box only to find out from your dad that he had lost it in a poker match a few weeks before.

You clutch the necklace in your hands.

“M for Matt?”

“Or Murdock, whatever you’d like.”

“You’re in charge, right? Just how in charge are you?”

“I run everything. There isn’t a corner of this city that I don’t have men in.” So, he’s the kingpin. The boss. Matt Murdock, a man feared by all, gentle to only you. Only for this moment.

“You’re not going to let me go, are you?”

“Bun, I was never going to let you go. But I don’t think you want to leave, either.”

You stay quiet. You can’t run. He made sure of that. Was he always going to stab you? Had he decided that from the moment he heard you whimper or was it your reaction to his pet names that did you in?

His fingers come up to graze your ear gently, but you flinch, since it’s where he had cut you.

“Bunnies are always so sensitive to the ears. Fragile. It’s not like you can hop away. Besides, you need time to heal, and I could take away all the pain. No more mean fathers, no more mean bosses, and no more mean thoughts.” He says gently. “I could put you back together.”

His voice is soft, as if his intentions are as well, but you’re sure he’ll destroy you. He will not put you back together, only break you down, collecting tiny pieces of you for his collection.

You consider it. You would never have to work again. You would never have to do anything again. You would never have to see your father again.

You turn your head, and nod.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll stay.” It wasn’t as if you had a choice in the matter. But nonetheless, He grins, and takes the necklace from you, only to wrap it around your neck, and clasp it on.

Despite the rings being something you had longed for, the ‘M’ alone weighs on you like a boulder.

He tilts your head gently, his fingers brushing against your chin, and you look away, ashamed of what you have done. He grabs your chin and keeps you looking at him. He leans forward and for a moment you just stay, feeling his hot breath against your lips. Tears escape from your eyes and run down your cheeks. He tuts softly and kisses your cheeks where the tears lie.

“Sh, Sh.. It’s okay, sweetheart,” he comforts. His other hand trails down to your thigh, where two of his fingers find the stab wound, and push into it. You whimper in pain, grasping his wrist. He sighs deeply, “Pretty noises.” He hums. “I would never deny you anything, bun. But if you deny me what I ask, it won’t end well for you. Understand?”

You nod, but when you aren’t verbal, he pushes down harder, the bandage and his fingers soaking with blood.

“Tell me. Tell me you understand.”

“I understand, Matt.” You manage to whimper out. He takes his fingers away and kisses your cheek.

“Good. Good job, honey.” He says softly, bringing his fingers up to his mouth and licking your blood off them. “Sweet, sweet girl.”

He leans forward and kisses you, and it’s full of a gentleness you weren’t sure he was capable of. You kiss back, afraid of what he’ll do if you deny him again.

He winds up kissing you to sleep, not mad at you for falling tired as you kiss. You lay with him in these silk sheets, freezing cold as you cuddle into him. He relishes being wanted. You accept that this is love. He feels you shivering and pulls you closer.

His hands slip beneath your shirt, his fingers tickling the bottom of your torso. You whine when he does this, burying your head in the crook of his neck. He laughs, kissing your head.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. I’ll buy you blankets. Blankets, Diamonds, anything you want.” He tells you. You’re tired. You just want to nap. You want him to give you more of the drugs that dull the pain of your thigh, and you want to eat something homemade that you didn’t cook yourself.

You want to give in and remain thoughtless. Just be happy with him since no one is looking for you anyways.

But as you drift off to sleep, feeling his hands crawl along your skin, you begin to plan. You’ll let him think you’re in love with him. You’ll let him love you, fuck you, put you back together. You’ll be his bunny, his arm candy, his toy to dress up and do whatever the fuck he wants. You’ll let him think he owns you.

He’ll know that he does.

And you’ll become close to his friends too. You’ll dress in pretty dresses, and he’ll pretend he’s oblivious to how much everyone wants you.

And then, when your wounds heal, you’ll run.

You’ll flee the country, you’ll change your name, dye your hair.

But you don’t yet realize how relentless he is. How deeply enamored of you he is. By how determined he is to have you.

Escaping the devil will not be as easy as you think it might, not when he can hear your heartbeat, not when he can smell you, not when he wants you.

And it doesn’t help when he gives you the honor of killing your father.

That’s when you start to fall in love with him.

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writers-potion · 1 month

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i was wondering if you could give some points and tips on writing about a character who is suffering from DRUG ABUSE

Writing A Drug Addict Character

Know Your Drugs

Was the drug invented? A scene using insulin set in 1820 is problematic since this treatment wasn’t discovered until the 1900s. Fentanyl shouldn’t be used in a 1930s scene since it wasn’t available for use until the 1960s—opium or morphine would be more accurate choices.

Was the method invented? Since insulin must be given as a shot, that scene is even less authentic as the hypodermic needle wasn’t invented until the mid-1800s. Older historical fiction could involve the use of poultices and mustard packs, while skin drug patches (transdermal patches) are only appropriate in more modern scenes.

The most common drugs abused by gangs are: Marijuana, Methamphetamine, Heroin, Cocaine

Or, it can be prescription drugs

Although many medications can be abused, the following three classes are most commonly abused:

Opioids—usually prescribed to treat pain;

Central nervous system (CNS) depressants—used to treat anxiety and sleep disorders; and

Stimulants—most often prescribed to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). (common example? caffeine)

Write In Stages

Stage 1: First Use

Some people use a substance for the first time out of curiosity, while others use substances due to peer pressure. People may also be prescribed medication, such as opioids, by their doctor. Individuals may view their first use as a one-time occurrence, but this opens the door for future use. Some people try a substance one time and never use it again.

You character will feel:

Angry and/or desperate

Miserable

Lonely

Trying to run away from a certain problem

Persuaded into doing drug

Guilty

Stage 2: Regular Use

If a person uses a substance and enjoys how it makes them feel or believes it will improve their life, they may start to use the substance regularly. They may use drugs or drink alcohol on the weekends while at parties or hanging out with friends. Occasional use may become a regular occurrence. It might become a part of a person’s routine.

Your character:

Will start getting in careless activities while doing drugs

Will probably be violent

Won’t think he has any issue whatsoever and shrug it off

Start associating themselves with harder drug users

Have a false sense of security that they’re able to quit whenever they want.

Stage 3: Risky Use

The next stage after regular use is risky use. A person will continue to use a substance despite the physical, mental, legal or social consequences. Their use likely started as a way to escape or have fun with peers but has now taken priority over other aspects of their life.

Your Character will feel:

uncomfortable around family members/friends who start to notice

Exhibit more reckless behavior

Driving under influence, stealing money to finance substance use, etc.

Underperforming at work or school

Experience tension in personal relationships

Stage 4: Dependence

The next stage is a physical, mental and emotional reliance on the substance. The individual is no longer using the substance for medical or recreational purposes. When a person doesn’t use the substance, their body will exhibit withdrawal symptoms, such as tremors, headaches, nausea, anxiety and muscle cramps.

Your Chracter Will:

Develop a sort of rountine/typical place where they abuse

Believe that the substance is essential for survival

Use substance even when it's unnecessary

Stage 5: Substance Use Disorder

While some people use dependency and substance use disorder interchangeably, they’re very different. Once a person develops a substance use disorder, substance misuse becomes a compulsion rather than a conscious choice. They’ll also experience severe physical and mental side effects, depending on the substance they’re using.

Your Character:

Has noe developed a chronic disease with the risk of relapse

Is now incapable of quitting on their own

Feel like life is impossible to deal with without the substance.

Lose their job, fail out of school, become isolated from friends and family or give up their passions or hobbies.

Research the Trends

Medical knowledge changes over time and with it the drugs prescribed. This then impacts the type of prescription drugs available on the streets.

late 1800s: chloral hydrate used for anxiety and insomnia > bromides > 1920s: barbiturates, barbital > benzodiazepines ("benzos") > early 2000s: opiod drugs > opiod drug bans led to growth of black markets: ilicit fentanyl > and so on...

Different countries/locations will have varying trends of drug abuse (depending on laws, availability, costs, etc.)

Research the Slag

look for "[drug name] trip report" on YouTube, etc. to get first-hand accounts of how drug addicts behave.

The main focus should always be to use the words your characters would use in ways that suit the world you have created.

The slang for certain drugs is a difficult vocabulary to maintain as it is ever-changing and varies based on country, region, town, even by streets. Some writers use what they know or have heard locally, others invent their own.

Resources

FDA (Food and Drug Administration) and DEA online databases and drug resources

Social networking groups focusing on related specialty writing topics, such as trauma or emergency medicine

Newspaper articles and medical journals are great places to find real cases.

The US national poison center

Helpful Vocab:

Addled - sense of confusion + complete lack of mental awareness

Crazed - emotional anguish experienced by the addict

Desperate

Despondent

Erratic

Fidgety

Hopeless

Impressionable

Struggling

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astroismypassion · 1 year

Text

Asteroid Kiss (8267) in Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius

Credit goes to my astrology blog @astroismypassion

Kiss is an asteroid in astrology. This applies to the natal chart. Search up number 8267 on Astrodienst, go to Extended chart selection and under Additional objects put 8267 in Manual entry table and Show the chart. Below your natal planets in signs, there will be Kiss in a particular sign, house and at a specific degree.

It shows your first kiss, how you kiss and kissing style, the person you will kiss for the first time.

KISS IN LIBRA 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

Your kiss is balanced, harmonious, slow, sensual, romantic, sentimental. Your first kiss could happen on your wedding day, at a wedding reception, at a bakery, a coffee shop, in the daytime, during your first marriage, first long-term committed relationship, on your birthday, on an anniversary, after you sign a contract, in a restaurant, at a hotel, resort, spa, you could be on a girls trip and you meet someone who you share a kiss with, after a romantic dinner, a romantic date, in front of a fireplace, during Truth or dare (but it will be with a long-term crush of yours), during a group project or teamwork or you might be working on an activity together. Your person could be your spouse, long-term partner, a business partner, a teammate, your equal on some level. You are a fan of cheek kisses. But also shoulder, neck, collarbone, nose, French, forehead kisses. You could have a rule that you only kiss people you are in a relationship with. You could be known as a good kisser. You might prepare a romantic set, light candles, rose petals. You could have a first kiss with someone who mirrors you or someone who is the complete opposite of you. You might be looking particularly well-dressed that day. You could already act like a couple before that first kiss. You will cherish it. You can also be neutral about it or you really really like it or dislike it. You may sit on their lap. Your person might say they liked the kiss, even if they didn’t like it.

KISS IN SCORPIO 🔥

Your kiss is bold, magnetic, alluring, investigative, passionate, impulsive, instinctual, assertive, courageous, addictive, intoxicating, intimate, sexual. Your first kiss could happen in a basement, a hidden place away from others, in a really dark place with little light, at night, under stars, during long eye contact. Your person is your first intimate, sexual partner, person you merge your resources and finances with, an entrepreneur or an independent artist. You lose your virginity with your person. You could end up marrying this person and you could possibly even kiss after marriage for the first time and during love making for the first time as a married couple. You want complete devotion and loyalty from the person you end up kissing. You could have your kiss very early in life due to feeling much emotionally mature or sexually charge. There could be something taboo about the kiss or the person you share your kiss with. This person could have an addiction, substance abuse problem. You will stare deeply in your person’s eyes before or after. You could be the dominant one during the kiss OR submissive, it’s either or with this sign. You will feel transformed, renewed after, like life and reality is not the same. You could go through an inner change. Kissing could be accompanied by hand, hair, head, finger grabbing. You might kiss the person, but also hug them. You might even moan a little or be vocal about it somehow. You hold onto their body or grab their clothing. You kiss around dimmed lights.

KISS IN SAGITTARIUS 🥰

Your kiss is liberating, unselfish, restless, childlike, jovial, hopeful, carefree, blunt, spontaneous, adventurous, hedonistic. Your first kiss could happen when you enter university/higher education or when you are at that age, while travelling (especially long-distance), at a college dorm, at a college party, at a frat party, during a concert, while you’re on vacation, when in on a student exchange, when you are in a foreign country, at a party, when you are a bit drunk to be honest, when you move abroad. Your person could be your tutor, someone you have an age difference with, someone who is from different educational, cultural, ethnical, religious background than you, someone who had a different upbringing than you, an exchange student, an international student, your schoolmate, person from a different city/region/state/country. You might smile or laugh during the kiss. One of you could even crack a joke. If you want to enter a partnership with this person, they could act a bit non-committal. Maybe you share some personal life stories right before the kiss. Or this person can end up teaching you or lecturing you on the kiss or something else. You could also talk for hours after your first kiss or debate on something. You could be looking forward to kiss this person the next time, next date etc.

Credit goes to my astrology blog @astroismypassion

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in-my-feels-probably · 1 year

Text

This Is Me Trying

(Aegon Targaryen x Reader)

Request: Please write more HCs about Aegon, HCs how he reacts when he is loved, cherished and cared for (maybe by reader as his lovely widowed aunt, a younger sister / half-sister of Viserys and daemon) when Aegon is defended by someone, someone really stands up for him and defends and protects him against all hostilities and against the harsh treatment of Alicent, Otto and Aemond!

Requested by: @cara-eva

Hi! Thank you for the request, I’m sorry for the long wait. I don’t love the outcome, but I don’t want to make you wait any longer and I think it’s as good as it’s gonna get. I hope you like the story format instead of the headcanons, it was just easier for me to write this out that way. I’m hoping this is close to what you were looking for. If it’s not, I’m happy to write you another request.

Also, I didn’t really specify how you’re related to Aegon, but when I was writing I was intending for it to be a Targaryen reader that was close to him in age, who grew up in King’s Landing with him. So maybe a daughter to Daemon or Rhaenyra, or a really young sister to Daemon and Viserys. It doesn’t really matter how you choose to perceive it, it’s not important to the plot that much. I hope it’s ok that I left it open to interpretation.

Anyways, I hope you like it, let me know what you think!

(Warnings: swearing, mentions of physical and verbal abuse, mentions of alcohol and substances, references to the street of silk, very vague gore and blood, let me know if i missed anything)

—

You could recall almost all the times in your life where Aegon had looked to you for comfort, after someone in your family was particularly harsh to him.

Not that he didn’t occasionally deserve it, he really did know how to piss someone off if he wanted to. He’s done it to you more times than you can count. You’ve just apparently learned how to deal with him more positively than the rest of your family.

But more often than not, Aegon was criticized and humiliated by his own family, for no real reason at all.

It was something he had become accustomed to, and he no longer fought it. Which meant that you had to be the one to stand up for him, you had to be the shoulder to cry on, because nobody else was going to.

—

Aegon never felt respected or well regarded by most members of the court, particularly regarding his Grandsire. Despite Aegon having a higher position than him, the Hand had no problem making it known that he thought very little of his grandson.

The worst that ever occurred between the two of them that you can recall was when word was sent to King Viserys that Corlys Velaryon had been critically injured, and his impending succession was to be challenged in an upcoming gathering. With the King bedridden, Otto took the news as the perfect opportunity to begin subverting Princess Rhaenyra’s children’s positions.

In doing so, he advised all the King’s children to support Vaemond Velaryon’s claim. He attempted to convince you the evening the message arrived, but you wouldn’t hear it. You made your claim of support for Lucerys on the spot, more so to spite Otto than anything.

In the week before the whole family was set to arrive, he cracked down on you. You had gone to accompany Aegon to the dragonpit, when Ser Erryk found you and asked you both to report to the Tower of the Hand.

You could tell Otto wasn’t pleased with your presence, but you accompanied Aegon anyway, taking a seat while the two of them talked.

“Aegon, it is the same laws being twisted to support Rhaenyra’s claim to the throne that is preventing you from being named heir. You’re the King’s firstborn son, and you’re being robbed of the opportunity to rule.”

“Careful, My Lord,” you had said, grinning. “Your words are embarking upon treason.”

He ignored you, trying not to give you a reaction. “Those very same laws are once again being used to falsely back Lucerys, when the Driftwood Throne should pass to Vaemond Velaryon. Back his claim, My Prince. Out of principle, alone.”

“I don’t give a shit about the throne, Iron or otherwise,” Aegon huffed, like the conversation was the dullest thing he could have possibly endured that day.

Otto narrowed his eyes, speaking firmer. “Lucerys’s claim is illegitimate, even you can admit that. You’ve got more blood of Old Valyria than he does, and he carries the name Velaryon. Does that not unsettle you?”

“Bastard or not, it is of no consequence to me,” Aegon said, shrugging his shoulders. “Let my nephew have it, or don’t let him have it, I don’t care. I’m not interested enough to involve myself.”

Otto stood from his chair, leaning over his desk to look Aegon in the eye. He almost shook with a silent fury, his voice laced with venom.

“Everything handed to you on a silver platter,” he spat, his face cold. “And you waste it. The Seven Kingdoms in the palm of your hand, and you don’t even bat an eye. You may have the pure blood of Old Valyria, but you’re more of a bastard than Lucerys will ever be.”

This caught your attention, making you stand and move behind the chair Aegon was sitting in. You had no problem standing up for Aegon, considering your position was also higher than Otto’s, and you simply enjoyed aggravating him.

“It would be in your best interest to hold your tongue, My Lord. It would be a shame to have to see to it that it is removed from your head.”

Otto took a step toward you, glaring, before leaning down to whisper into Aegon’s ear.

“Look at you…hiding behind a little girl. You’re lazy, arrogant, and a miserable excuse for a Targaryen. You bring shame upon your house, and humiliate yourself while doing so. It’s no wonder our Queen, your own mother, despises you so.”

You shook your head in disbelief, peering down at Aegon to see that his eyes had glossed over, and he had gone rigid in his chair. You placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, rubbing your thumb in circles on the exposed skin peeking out of his shirt.

Aegon took a shaky breath, and you felt a rage course through you that expelled itself before you could stop it. You stepped in between Aegon and Otto, blocking Aegon from Otto’s sight. You reached a hand behind you, offering it for Aegon to take, which he gladly accepted.

With your free hand, you pressed your finger into Otto’s chest, inadvertently pushing him to take a step back.

“You forget yourself, My Lord. What about the phrase, ‘hold your tongue,’ did you not understand? You’re speaking to the Prince, at least pretend to act like it.”

You coaxed Aegon to stand, pulling him with you to head for the door. Otto nearly smirked as he watched, leaning back against his desk. His face fell when you turned around to speak to him, just before you stepped out the door.

“You’re weak, Otto. Pathetic. Half the man Aegon is, if even that. The stewards have more honor and merit than you. You burn bridges with every word you speak against the Crown and its children. As much as you hate to admit it, it still doesn’t change the fact that the histories will record Aegon’s and Lucerys’s names, bastard or not.”

Aegon smirked, watching Otto soak in your words like a slow acting poison, killing its victim cell by cell.

“Your name, however, will be forgotten. Far gone and lost to the obscurity of every man like you that has come before. Your efforts will be for naught, and the rest of your existence will be a miserable one. I hope you’ll come to understand that, because it is undoubtedly your fate. And I, for one, cannot wait to witness it.”

—

Aegon’s Grandsire was not the only member of his family that was known to be unnecessarily cruel. Amongst his siblings, Aegon really only dealt with Aemond’s hostility.

You could recall countless fights between the two of them, always squabbling with each other.

It took a lot for Aemond to actually get physical, or put any real malice behind his words. He was usually content to ignore Aegon’s presence entirely. But when provoked, it was probably better that you were there to intervene.

Despite how harsh Aemond could be, he was the easiest to deal with. You were one of the few members of the family Aemond actually liked, and he normally listened to you when you told him to pipe down. Plus, his and Aegon’s spats were normally sibling derived, and of no major consequence.

The worst between them was when Aemond finally snapped, and the two of them got into a screaming match about Aegon’s lack of ambition. Aegon had just returned from Flea Bottom, and Aemond had returned from an evening flight on Vhagar.

You heard them all the way from your chambers, finding them nearly throwing blows in the courtyard.

“I did not ask for this!” Aegon yelled, making Aemond sneer.

“Clearly. And yet, it was handed to you anyway. Why not take advantage of it?”

Aegon groaned, biting his tongue to keep from screaming. “I don’t care, brother. Why does everyone expect so much from me?”

“Because you piss it all away,” Aemond said, stepping forward and shoving Aegon’s shoulder. “You don’t have any idea how lucky you are.”

Before anyone could actually get hurt, you rushed in between them, pushing them both a few steps back.

“What the fuck are you doing? Do you have any idea how late the hour is?”

“Yes, brother,” Aemond said, exasperatedly throwing his hands up. “Do you? Or have you forgotten the time in the bottom of a cup? Perhaps on the Street of Silk?”

Aegon grumbled, trying to step past you, but you held him back. You narrowed your eyes at him, stopping him in his tracks.

“Stop. I won’t ask again.”

You turned back to Aemond, who looked like he had grown tired of the conversation already.

“Are you done?” You asked, raising a brow. “Must you antagonize him? You know it will do no good.”

Aemond groaned, taking a step back. “Must you always defend him? He’s infuriating. You’re never nearly as harsh enough with him as you should be.”

“He’s not my child, he’s not mine to discipline,” you said, nodding your head towards Aegon. “The Gods know you and your family do that enough to him already.”

Aemond scoffed, turning around, but you caught his arm, making him wait.

“Wait…listen. Trust me, he doesn’t get away with being an ass around me. He knows well enough that it won’t end well for him.”

Aegon had grown quiet, sulking behind you. You kept your eyes on Aemond, not letting him go.

“But I also don’t purposely antagonize him to warrant a reaction. I understand your frustrations, believe me, I do. But squabbling like children does neither of you any good. He’s your brother, Aemond. Ease up…let it go.”

Aemond grumbled, his face cold, like he was debating on if he should walk away or not. Finally, he softened, gently easing his arm from your grip.

“Fine,” he said, turning around to leave the courtyard. “As you wish.”

Once he was out of earshot, you turned around to face Aegon. He had gone pink, awkwardly shifting back and forth from foot to foot. You gave him a less than impressed look, before turning back in the direction of your chambers.

“Come along, then. You can explain to me what happened on the way. I swear, it is baffling how you two manage to annoy me more and more every day.”

Aegon lightened up, moving to match your stride. “Oh, come on, darling. Just admit it. You enjoy it, you know you do.”

You rolled your eyes at his improved mood, walking faster, letting him trail you all the way back to your chambers.

—

Settling tensions between Aemond and Aegon was far easier than dealing with Otto and the court. Plus, you found it to be the least hurtful to Aegon.

The harsh words that hurt the most…were from his own mother, Queen Alicent.

Aegon knew he was the least favorite, of both his mother and his father. He knew how she valued Aemond, and how she doted on Helaena. He knew that, despite his father neglecting all his youngest children, the King at least had something in common with his younger siblings.

Aegon was almost foreign to him, like a granted wish gone awry.

Despite being the King’s firstborn son, Aegon’s very existence was a constant reminder of all the King and Queen’s failures in the family, and of all the wasted opportunities to strengthen House Targaryen.

To the King, Aegon was a reminder of the years he wasted on wanting a son, neglecting Rhaenyra as his first born.

To Alicent, Aegon was a reminder of how she was a child herself, practically sold and made to squeeze out heirs for the Crown. Aegon was a product of her father’s own selfish ambition, a point of view she could not bring herself to look past.

She loved her son, nobody doubted that.

But she did not like him. The same could be said for the King.

Considering she was the Queen, Aegon’s mother was a lot more difficult for you to stand up to. Speaking directly against her in her presence was not wise, and you often had to bite your tongue and console Aegon about it later.

This evening in particular was proving to be one of the worst times she had publicly treated him, both verbally and physically. Apparently, she had grown quite used to disciplining him in front of you.

If you could even call it that.

It had all happened so fast. You were in the Queen’s chambers, sitting by the fire with her.

One minute, you were having tea with Alicent and listening to her tell you about her day. The next, Aegon had been dragged in by Ser Criston, unsuccessfully fighting against his hold.

Ser Criston dragged him into the center of the room, letting him go before standing in front of the door to block the exit. Not that he necessarily needed to. Aegon couldn’t beat Ser Criston in a fight on a good day. Let alone as drunk as he apparently was.

“I apologize for the intrusion, Your Grace, My Lady. I found him nearly passed out on the steps outside the training yard. The Prince has apparently already had his fill. Didn’t even make it to Flea Bottom, which is where I presume he was going.”

Alicent closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “You found him? Or someone alerted you of his presence?”

“One of the servants, Your Grace. Apparently he was making quite the fuss before he passed out.”

Aegon collapsed into a nearby chair, covering his eyes with the heels of his hands. He let out a groan, leaning back.

As you looked at him, you realized it wasn’t just wine that had weakened his resolve. His eyes were hazy, his movements staggered. He had taken milk of the poppy, and quite a high dosage at that.

An option that he rarely referred to anymore, knowing how much you hated seeing him on it. Something must’ve happened, something bad.

“A fuss?” You asked, trying to avoid staring at Aegon.

“It is not for a Lady’s ears, I’m afraid,” Ser Criston hesitated. “He was…rather crude, I should say. Speaking incoherently to himself, loud enough for the servants to take notice.”

Alicent stood and nodded, brushing her skirts down. “Thank you, Ser Criston. I appreciate your discretion. I will handle it from here, you may go.”

“Yes, My Queen,” he said, nodding to her before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him.

You stood, unsure of whether or not you should leave as well. You would later come to regret not doing so.

Alicent stood in front of Aegon, glaring down at him. “Have you no shame? Is the reputation you already uphold not bad enough? Do you have any idea about the kind of burden you are, not only on yourself, but on your family?”

Aegon didn’t look up, keeping his eyes on the floor. He slumped down in his chair, shielding his eyes from the light of the fire.

“Look at me,” Alicent said, before sharpening her tone enough to make Aegon flinch. “Look at me!”

When he didn’t, she pulled his hair at the nape of his neck back to tilt his head up, before backhanding him across the face. Her ring caught on his cheek, leaving a small cut at the top of his cheekbone.

You quietly gasped, bringing a hand to your mouth to stifle the noise.

Alicent didn’t seem fazed, now gaining Aegon’s attention. “Is it not enough to embarrass me, not only as your Mother and as your Queen, but to embarrass the whole of your family, as well? Does it not embarrass you, carrying yourself like this, in front of them…in front of Y/N? Does it not bother you, what she must think of you?”

Aegon’s eyes flitted to yours, before turning away in shame. You felt your heart ache at the sight, keeping quiet beside your chair.

“How many times must I discuss this with you, Aegon? When will you learn?”

“What’s the point, Mother?” Aegon finally asked, giving her a sad smile. “You’ll be disappointed in me anyway, no matter what I do. Why even bother?”

She slapped him across his cheek again, adding to the already reddened skin. The blood from his cut smeared along his cheekbone. Aegon let out a sound of pain, swallowing his words.

You couldn’t take it any longer, walking over and gently placing your arm on Alicent’s, turning her to you.

“You Grace, I am sorry to interrupt. But it seems I have overstayed my welcome, and I would hate to intrude. I’ll be on my way, if you’ll excuse me.”

She shook her head, grabbing one of your hands in hers. “Not at all, my dear. I enjoyed your company. I thank you for it, and I apologize for my son’s interruption.”

“He was no trouble, My Queen. If you’d like, I can see to it that he makes it back safely to his chambers?”

“That is quite alright, darling,” she said, turning back to Aegon. “I have a few more things I’d like to discuss with my son, but it is kind of you to offer. You may go, Y/N. Thank you for the tea.”

You politely smiled. “Of course. Goodnight, Your Grace.”

You turned to go, hesitating at the door when you heard Alicent retreat back to stand in front of Aegon.

You didn’t want to go.

You didn’t want to leave him there, to endure any more of his mother’s wrath. But there was nothing you could do.

There was little you could say this time. There was no way to protect him while it happened, not without risking yourself in the process. And you knew how much Aegon hated when you did that, when it was actually dangerous.

So, you left, returning to your chambers.

You simply had to wait for Aegon to make a decision. It usually boiled down to two options.

Go to Flea Bottom, start drinking, and keep drinking until whatever memory he had of the night disappeared into his cups. Or…he could go to your chambers, and find another kind of comfort there.

You prayed that he’d choose the latter, tonight. You paced back and forth in your chambers for what seemed like hours before you got any answers. You knew the gods ruled in your favor when a feeble knock was heard on your chamber door later that night, making you sigh in relief.

“Come in,” you said, anxiously standing at the foot of your bed.

There was a pause, and then the door creaked open, revealing a disheveled and apprehensive Aegon. He closed the door behind him, coming to stand in the middle of the room.

He wouldn’t meet your eyes.

You took the time to look at him, observing his form. The bruise on his cheek had settled in, all black and blue. The cut from his mother’s ring was beginning to scab over, dry blood crusted along his cheekbone. His cheek was reddened, with the slightest imprint of a hand, marking the flesh. A fresh bruise was beginning to form around his temple, a garish green encircling it.

You didn’t even want to know what that one was from.

You slowly approached him, careful not to make any rash movements. “Can I touch you?”

He still didn’t meet your eyes, but slowly nodded.

Gently, you cupped his jaw so you could turn his head, checking for any wounds you could have missed. Slowly and carefully, you moved your hands up to cup his face in your palms, gently running your thumbs across his cheekbones.

Aegon let out a pained whimper, leaning into your touch.

“Did I hurt you?” You asked, moving to pull your hands away. He quickly stopped you, grabbing your wrists and holding you still, silently asking for you to not let go.

His voice was shaky. “No.”

“You weren’t drunk, were you?” You asked, resuming running your thumbs across the top of his cheekbones. “It was milk of the poppy.”

His eyes met yours, a look of guilt flashing across his face. You shook your head, shushing him.

“I’m not angry. Just tell me the truth.”

He was reluctant to, but he finally nodded, confirming your suspicions. You sighed deeply, moving your hands to brush his hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ears.

“Why?”

“You know why,” he replied, his voice quiet.

You did.

Sometimes, getting drunk wasn’t enough. Sometimes, Aegon felt like he was suffocating, and the only way to fill his lungs was to cloud his mind first, easing his thoughts. Milk of the poppy usually did the trick.

You didn’t press the matter further, nodding. “Are you going to tell me what happened after I left?”

“The usual happened,” he said, his jaw clenched. “Mother yelled, I listened. She hit, I got hit. Don’t worry, though, you witnessed the best of it. Don’t think you missed the entertaining part.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, sharpening your tone. “Don’t say that. I didn’t enjoy a moment of it, not a single second. Do you think I like watching you get hurt?”

He returned his gaze to the floor, flinching at your sudden change in demeanor. You stopped yourself, not wanting to sound like you were scolding him, like his mother does all too frequently. Gently, you lifted your sleeve and tried to softly wipe away the blood that had stained his cheek.

You were interrupted by a sudden tear, rolling down his cheek. You looked up, only to be met with Aegon’s eyes brimming with tears that were slowly falling down his face like fresh snow from the sky.

“Aegon?” You asked, cupping his chin, trying to make him look at you. The tears kept flowing. Finally, his eyes met yours.

“Am I a burden?”

Your jaw slacked in shock. “What? Of course not, why would you ask that?”

“My Mother believes it to be true,” he said, face crumbling. “That’s what she said, after you left. That I’m a burden to you, always making you clean up my messes.”

You quickly shook your head, gently wiping away his tears. “That’s not true, Aegon. She’s wrong. I don’t do anything for you out of obligation, or because I feel I need to. I do it because I want to. If nobody in this family is going to give you even an ounce of optimism or support, then I’ll happily be the one to do it.”

“You shouldn’t have to–,” he starts, pulling himself from your grip.

“I want to.”

Aegon took a deep breath, and you watched as his shoulders shook and his eyes clouded with tears, all red and bloodshot. He made a sound of frustration, balling his hands into fists at his sides. His voice was desperate.

“I’m trying, Y/N…I’m trying so fucking hard.”

You felt your heart shatter, quickly throwing your arms around his neck. You pulled him close to you, cradling his head with one hand, squeezing him tightly to you with the other. Aegon melted into your embrace, locking his arms around you, desperately clutching at the fabric of your clothes. He hid his face in the crook of your neck, and you felt hot tears landing on your skin. You paid them no mind, gently shushing him.

“I know you’re trying,” you said, willing yourself not to cry as well, staying strong for him. “I know. And that’s all I could ever ask of you.”

You leaned back far enough to cup his jaw, wiping away the tears. You pressed a kiss to his forehead, gently caressing his face.

“I know it seems like nobody is seeing your efforts, or that nobody cares enough to acknowledge them. But I care, alright? I care. I see it, I see you trying. You’re doing your best, Aegon. That’s all you can really do. And if our family can’t see or understand that, it’s their problem. Not yours. Alright?”

He slowly nodded, taking a deep breath. “Alright.”

You nodded, taking his hand in yours, pulling him along with you to your bed.

“Come on, then. It’s late, you need to lie down. I refuse to deal with you all cranky and sleep deprived in the morning because you were too stubborn to rest.”

Aegon softly grinned, letting you guide him. “What are you talking about? I’m a delight in the mornings.”

“You’re a gremlin in the mornings,” you retorted, patting the space of the bed next to you. “Now lie down. That wasn’t a request.”

Aegon could feel the troubles lifting from his shoulders already, watching you invite him into your space with open arms. He nearly chuckled at the serious face you had put on, one you normally reserved for scoldings.

“As you command, darling,” he said, crawling in next to you. “Who would I be to deny you?”

“A fool.”

Your reply was quick, with absolutely no hesitation in your voice. It made Aegon grin wider as he felt his heart warm, settling himself close beside you.

“Well, we can’t have that, can we?”

—

A/N - Hi! I don’t love this outcome honestly, but I hope this is what you were looking for. If it’s not, I’ll gladly accept another request and try to do better. Let me know what you think.

#house of the dragon #hotd #house of the dragon imagines #house of the dragon x reader #house of the dragon imagine #aegon targaryen #aegon targaryen imagine #aegon targaryen x reader #game of thrones #game of thrones imagine #game of thrones x reader #alicent hightower #otto hightower #aemond targaryen #house targaryen

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