#unmet needs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loveyourlovelysoul · 5 months

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Gentle reminder that you don't have to reply to people immediately. You can take your time, especially if you feel overwhelmed by them, their message or anything else going on in your life. You can tell them something like "I'm sorry I need to stay alone at this moment, I will answer you as soon as I feel better mentally". You don't have to answer them immediately so to not upset them: what about you being upset and maybe even frustrated? What if this feeling made you answer the them rudely or harshly, to lash out on them even if it's not what you wanted to? And it all would make it worse on you and make you feel guilty? You can avoid all this by simply talking about your needs openly. Take time for yourself, it's okay. Everyone goes through bad stuff, everyone takes time off from it all. You can do that too. Be nice with you.

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thepeacefulgarden · 10 months

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#coping #coping skills #unmet needs #self compassion #your feelings are valid #feel your feelings #mental health #healing #recovery

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wordsofwisdomandsoul · 6 months

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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Today I am bothered by the fact that babies and toddlers are programmed to ask for attention and affection naturally, right, and if they don’t get it, they ask for it louder and louder, until they get completely exhausted and they can’t move anymore, which is when it sinks to them that there is no help, no attention, nobody coming, they’re not being cared for, which is when they go silent and numb and stop asking for it.

Natural progression for a human is to get as much attention and care as they need as a baby, then also as a toddler, and then at some stage later they stop needing it as much, they start desiring separation and individuality, and their desires for attention flow towards different people then, they want positive attention from their peers, then from the rest of the world as well, but not in that parental way anymore, now they want to be acknowledged and equal and needed and wanted, not fed and pampered and hugged, although a tiny amount of that isn’t rejected if offered.

If abused, these needs can developed differently. If as a toddler you’ve spent more time in that catatonic and numb state, fearing for survival because you’re a baby and there’s no caretakers, that leaves a mark on you. If you’ve been denied physical attention, hugs and pats and strokes on your head, as a toddler, that again leaves a mark, makes you feel undesirable, unwanted, disgusting, unworthy. And since you’re constantly feeling hurt, the desire for separation can come early too; because your instinct is to survive, and if your caretaker is a danger to you, you still love them of course, but you realize you have to be independent, have to take care of yourself, have to figure your own issues out without asking for help. It’s also followed by a dose of dissociation because the pain of being emotionally abandoned so young, is too much for anyone. Being neglected when you desperately need someone, will cause you to dissociate, possibly even develop a dissociative disorder to survive.

But what happens with all those needs for affection? If nobody fulfilled your basic needs for care as a toddler, do you ever evolve to wanting to be equal to others? Or do you, forever, yearn for parental type of care? Need to be pampered and reassured that you’re wanted and valuable and that someone will take care of you, make sure you eat, make sure you don’t die, make sure you’re safe? Does this ever go away, if nobody ever takes care of you this way? Do you ever feel completely comfortable being equal to someone? Do you not interpret intimacy as a way to get that positive touch, and crave it not in a sexual, but in a ‘i need to be held’ kind of way? Do you not assume they also want to be pampered, and offer it as a wild hope they might do it back, but they just accept it and take it and run off with it? Do you forever just end up a caretaker nobody ever took care of, who has no way to ask for it because it feels so wildly inappropriate?

#unmet needs #abusive parents #child abuse #emotional abandonment #lack of care #lack of positive touch #lack of nurture #child neglect #physical abandoment #making children feel unwanted and gross #causes of dissociation #sadness #i didn't do this to myself but i feel gross about it anway

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kimchicuddles · 10 months

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When jealousy is helpful...

TikvaWolf.com

Thank you so much for supporting my work!

#jealous #jealousy #needs #polyamory #unmet needs

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conscious-love · 2 years

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bryancounselinginc ~ Instagram

#bryancounselinginc #Sara Bryan #shame #unmet needs #healing #recovery #childhood healing #inner child #worthy #self worth #broken #reassurance #validation #personal growth #self awareness #self love

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fracturedlullabies · 4 months

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A Tale of Maternal Monsters

Beneath a mother's cold, indifferent stare,

A child's heart echoes with a desperate prayer.

Emotions wither in a sunken maze,

Monsters lurking, leaving a haunting daze.

The hue of dirt upon a rain-washed bone,

A metaphor for a love left all alone.

Are you dead or simply breathing in disguise,

In the void where a mother's love denies?

A phantom touch, a skeletal embrace,

Leaving scars like raindrops on a barren face.

Screams muffled, in the silence they confide,

Mortars of neglect in the darkness hide.

Through glass walls, the cruelest kind,

The child's reflection distorted, entwined.

Are you dead or breathing, a constant strife,

In the shards of love, a fractured life?

Monsters wear the guise of those we trust,

Yet, the child's heart craves a love robust.

In the shattered remnants of a love amiss,

Longing for warmth, an eternal abyss.

#maternal desolation #unmet needs #poetry journey #poetry journal #heartache verses #monster within #shattered love #poem

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momentsbeforemass · 1 year

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Ask

What do I need?

Not “what do I want?” But, really, but what do I actually need?

Not just “what do I actually need to keep body and soul together?” That’s a good place to start.

Just don’t stop there. Take the question to the next level. The level that God is calling each one of us to.

What do I actually need – to thrive? Not just in body. But soul as well.

This is where God wants us to be. Not just surviving. But thriving. Body and soul.

This is what today’s Gospel is about. This is exactly what God wants us to be asking Him for.

Because you and I have needs that can only be met by God.

It’s just part of how we’re made. And until those needs are met, you and I will never have peace.

As Pascal puts it, “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each person which cannot be satisfied by any created things but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.”

The point of today’s Gospel?

That you and I shouldn’t waste our time worrying about we’re going to meet those needs on our own.

On our own, we can’t. Not in any way that works for very long.

All we really need to do is to go to God. And ask.

Today’s Readings

#God-Shaped Hole #Unmet Needs #God #Jesus #Catholic #Christian #Church #Pascal #Survive #Thrive #Moments Before Mass

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you-are-going-to-make-it · 6 months

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I was taking what was offered to me, even though it wasn’t enough.

#relaionship #not enough #unmet needs #long distance relationship

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iamtheweirdomister · 8 months

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#chaos #unmet needs

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loveyourlovelysoul · 5 months

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Ofc when you've been told to communicate or talk about something and all you (often if not always) got was being shut down, talked over, judged, gaslighted and left with your emotional needs unmet, it really stays with you and it doesn't let you have the will to communicate and talk, or even ask for help or support, anymore. But please remember that not everyone is going to let you down, or shut you, or talk over you or anything of that kind. Not everyone will not be able to understand you and treat you like that. Be patient and give yourself the chance to find the right people for you. Do not give up please, keep talking and asking until you find those willing to listen to you and help you as you need and deserve.

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thepeacefulgarden · 1 year

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#people pleasing #fawning #codependency #unmet needs #trauma #recovery #parenting #highly sensitive people #generational trauma #pleasure to have in class #gifted child #old soul #anxiety

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wordsofwisdomandsoul · 1 year

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#needs #express yourself #express your feelings #inhibited needs #mental health #quotes #words #wisdom #parenting #gentle parenting #children #unmet needs

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taint3dvirgin · 1 year

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🌸 My current state

#healing #adult children of immature parents #immature parent #narcissistic parent #childhood trauma #good kids #needs #unmet needs

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connieaaa · 1 year

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My mom was an alcoholic. Alcohol wasn't the problem, but it was the solution. She could drink a Liter of vodka in 24 hours with minimal effect...

Alcohol was self-medication.

My mom didn't drink for about a year before her death (Boundary: no alcohol in my house) and the only difference was the speed of her mood swings. She was just as violent, just as cruel, just as manipulative...

Alcohol was self-medication.

About 6 weeks before her hospitalization, I provided her hard seltzer water w/ electrolytes- because she needed electrolytes- and it improved her behavior, and her mood...

Alcohol was self-medication.

#cptsdsurvivor #dysfunctional family #dysfunctional parents #narcissist parents #tw alcohol #tw alchohol mention #alcoholism #covert narcissism #maternal narcissism #unmet needs #pain #analgesic #anesthetic #alcohol #gabor maté #addiction #pain relief #life hurts

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venuskind · 2 years

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The Unmet Yielding into Wholeness

It took me 49 years to finally accept and make peace with the fact that many friendships, and almost all friendships with men, will leave parts of me deeply unmet and starved in regards to emotional connectivity and flow. This made itself repeatedly, painfully and non-negotiably clear on an emotional level of perception and knowing of my experience.

I am fascinated how hard it is for the tender and longing aspect in me to let go of the hope that existing connections can change and take a form that is mutually nurturing and expansive. The naive rationale that where there is sympathy or love there has to be a way of connecting deeper and finding the flow that nourishes and makes our hearts come alive. I have sat in contemplation of what it is that keeps our repetition compulsion going when our behavioral patterns never bring about the desired or needed outcome. How young and vulnerable these aspects within are that engage with life from the limited and magical thinking of a young child.

Teaching this aspect that the connection, flow and love it seeks is already available in my life, even if not in the connection it is focused on. Learning to redirect her focus on where love and affection are always available and flowing, making her realize that she no longer lives in scarcity and can let go of the grasping pattern. Showing her that focusing and fully opening to and engaging in the connections that naturally and effortlessly take to depths and heights more than fills all our cups of love, wellbeing, and joy. No need to make other connections be anything else than what they naturally are.

One of the most challenging lessons is teaching these young and tender aspects within to let go of their grasping, their asking for reality to change, for others to be different to who they really are instead of accepting reality as it presents and finding creative ways to fulfill needs and find joy in circumstances as they are. On a mental and cognitive dimension this is a simple thing to understand but the emotional and physical are slow to embrace changes in perception. Maybe this is the reason why it takes long and repeat periods in the 'hanged man' position, to speak once again in tarot, for us to shift out of old survival or adaptive patterns. There is something to these periods of suspension in the in-between that works on the subconscious and emotional body in healing and integrative ways.

Nothing compares to the massive feeling of relief and peace that take hold when said aspects embrace reality as it is and find they not only survive in doing so but begin to live and thrive for it. Even though it is accompanied with a depth of grief that may surprise and challenge us to be present and gentle with ourselves as it makes itself felt and known. Yes, there is a deep sadness, a feeling of loss and deprivation that wants to be felt as a message from years long gone and a self not allowing and capable of feeling these truths of experience.

When my adult eyes and mind surveyed my connections from this new inner state of healing I was able to let go of connections, which used to trigger this aspect in me as they 'starved' me emotionally for various and individual reasons. I let them go in love and gratitude for showing up in my experience as teachers and healing lessons and with wishes of goodness and blessings to them.

Similar to the hopeful self-torture of keeping clothes that no longer fit our bodies in our closets as 'motivation', my subconscious patterns kept connections in my experience which were not aligned with my being. Now I could see the connections in their emptiness, their anachronism, and incompatibility with effortless clarity and no longer felt a need to stay connected.

Disconnecting and moving on brought on a feeling of 'rightness' or better alignment and flow into my experience of my relational field. Though not all connections that remained are connections at the depth of bonding and flow I prefer, they all feel good and aligned with me as they are.

I celebrate depth where it is available and everywhere else I show up in a mirror of the depth, presence, affection, and care or from whatever level my authenticity wants to engage with them.

Instead of unconsciously trying to futilely deepen connections beyond their natural capacity and form, I consciously accept them for what they are from wholeness and emotional abundance within. Given my acceptance of the reality that what my heart seeks may be rare and not available in relating with the majority of people, I am even more appreciative, grateful, protective and nurturing of the connections which show up in said form.

I remain open to more beings meeting me in the depths and heights of heart and consciousness and the possibility of shared magical and transcendent explorations and experiences. Committed to compassion and acceptance with all the other relations which lack the glitter of stardust and droplets of the water of life.

And I bow to life as it unfolds in it multidimensional form, to the breadth of experiences available to us on our planet, and to the ability of consciousness to direct our path through this wild, magical and messy playground.

I bow in gratitude to the lessons that taught me the sweetness of yielding to life.

Art: Blanc Arctique by Sophie Wilkins

Source: https://venuskind.de/2022/09/the-unmet/

#healing #self work #shadow work #integration #wholeness #trauma #survivor #thriver #gratitude #unmet needs #emotional depth #emotional connection #relating #relationships

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