876 days sober AF

We’re 5 months clean and relearning life❤️‍🔥

Something I saw that I thought was worth sharing, and may be helpful and needed for someone 🫶🫰 you got this!

These past few days, I've been sober. I left my emotions dormant. Drinking demons to fix the leaking pipes like duck taped wrapped around a water hose. The problem wasn't addiction; no, it was the feeling of not feeling. Not feeling the pain, tiredness, depression, anxieties, alone, problems, not hearing the voices, and the brokenness. It was the novicane to the pain like a toothache. Addiction is the feeling that it gives you; the comfort of not being alone. Not alone from the outside world but in your head. That dark place you get trapped at sometimes. Now I feel everything, overwhelmed and overflowed of feelings that I thought I would hide. I thought it was dormant, but it just became more torment. Yet, these past few days, I've been sober.

I stopped smoking about two months ago + so much has changed. I didn’t stop because it was needed or had to either. This time it was really for me! Smoking was no longer serving me, it wasn’t fun + I didn’t feel good physically. Oh + I felt ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I was emotionally devoid. I am seeking clarity and just to be more in-tune with myself. I’ll be back later with more updates in like a week lol.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

08NOV23 I've never been more proud of anything in my life.

Thinks about sober life again - but why tho?

#soberlife #boozer #13reasonswhy #mentalhealthcheck #doglife #thank dog

is my AO3 glitching or did bizarrestars reupload all of his work ??? I don’t know if this has been a thing for a second / if it was an accident / or I just have quick timing ??? Lmk

( Not that they have any obligation to this fandom or owe us anything !!! )

sobriety is so worth it. my life is genuinely only gotten better. it works if you do the work i promise.

As of today, I am 612 days (a little over 20 months) sober. The time between these photos is almost exactly 2 years, so the photo on the left was about 4 months before I finally dropped the bottle. I was drinking HEAVILY at that point. As you can probably tell, my entire body was quite literally soaked in booze.

Now that I've been sober nearly 2 years, I have done a LOT of healing, reflecting, soul searching and very painful emotional and mental growing. In that growth, I have learned some very important things about myself.

One of the biggest things that bothered me about my insane level of drinking was "why?". I was finally in a relationship with someone who OBVIOUSLY loved me for exactly who I was/am. I was doing well in basically all aspects of life. So, why was I drinking my life away and continually searching for that numbness?

It has taken me 20 months, but I think I finally have a big part of the answer: I was afraid of being happy.

The last time I thought I was happy had been 22 years prior. I was with a man who I thought was "the one". Long story short, things went downhill fast. He wasn't the one and I ended up nearly dying from stress. Literally.

I spent the next 22 years undulating between sober and drunk. Trying to grieve as eloquently as possible. Working my ass off to raise my daughter by myself, while also self-medicating and trying to live the life I though I deserved. Nothing I did felt fulfilling and no amount of booze could take away the pain of what I had lost. I had not only lost my trust and love in someone I thought was my soul mate (ah, stupid youth), but I had also lost the full use of what used to be a very strong, athletic and incredible body.

Fast forward to 2021 and here I was again in love with someone who this time actually was worth trusting and worth loving, yet I was still unable to allow myself to be happy.

Why? Fear. Plain and simple. Fear that my past was returning to play out exactly the same way it had before. That fear then led me to drink to cover itself up, which then progressed to full blown addiction and having a shot of tequila immediately after waking followed by one every hour until bed. In between that time, I was ruining everything good in my life. Alcohol has a way of doing that so you will continue to love it and nothing/no one else.

Since realizing this truth, I have found myself at peace. Peace knowing that I understand myself better. Peace within myself to allow myself to let go of that past pain and continue to tell myself things are different. I am different. I have healed in many, many ways. I am no longer that 20 year old inexperienced girl. I am a full grown very experienced and very wise woman. I am powerful. I am more powerful than my fears and I am certainly more powerful than any substance that tries to call me back to the dark side. No thank you, I prefer the light.

Many people have said that you can see how withdrawn I was in my "before" photos and now see how alive I am in my current. It's true. Not only is it obvious in my photos, but I feel it in my heart and soul. I still have some healing to do and will always be a work in progress, but I am beyond grateful I have found more of myself and have learned to love who I am and what I have to offer.

In the words of a wonderful man; I am Wonder Woman.

Keeping strong at 94 days clean! 😎😋

johnny joestar .

i just ….

UGHHH . hohnnyy

johnny jo kid joestR

i love you johgnny

jojo :( uHVHH

This comeback is personal, it’s an apology to myself for putting up with shit I didn’t deserve.

Vibes of the night