876 days sober AF

addiction recovery tips

1. Protect your space. You don’t have time for bullshit anymore. Cut out the people you’ve been meaning to cut out. Make the most space for the people who have chosen to believe in you. Spend less time on social media. I’ve deleted my facebook and instagram apps. It doesn’t have to be permanent but you need to avoid triggers and to an emotionally sensitive person like many addicts are due to Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome social media is full of triggers. It’s shown that social media makes you compare your lives to others leading to a lacking mindset rather than one of appreciation for what you have.

2. Find a recovery group. The important part is making community outreach a regular part of your week. Some people go to meetings everyday. There are plenty of meetings out there. AA, NA, DRA, SMART recovery, recovery dharma… if you don’t like the meetings you have available I recommend going anyway to connect with people. Take what resonates and leave the rest behind.

3. Take it a day at a time. You don’t have to commit to being sober for a lifetime, though hopefully you get there eventually. Just be sober today. 24 hours. And then do it again tomorrow.

4. Be as open about recovery as possible. Shame is a normal part of recovery but the more people you’re open with the more chances you have for increasing your support network. Outside of meetings, a support network is very important. No one is an island.

5. If you need to, “kill” yourself. Kill the old you. You have a blank slate. You’re starting fresh. You aren’t defined by your past. Reinvent yourself. Dare to dream big. You’ll need to have hobbies and goals to distract yourself when you get urges. Because you will get them. And sometimes it will be very bad. It helps to have a routine activity you enjoy to engage your brain and tap into your rational mind.

🌜NIGHTLY ROUTINE🌛 We all have our little ways of doing things. The way I do bedtime, like most parts of my day, has a lot to do with my mental illness. It's something I can't escape from, so I just have to work with it.

This comic was originally posted to my instagram - I have been trying to get better at ensuring I share all my social media content on other platforms. Feel free to follow @khalemchurst if you like little comic updates during your week, but I will try to ensure the content still ends up here and on Patreon.

This comeback is personal, it’s an apology to myself for putting up with shit I didn’t deserve.

Today I'm free.

That is today's AA Daily Reflection. 48 days sober. My boyfriend is flying in to stay and visit for a while. I have my 5:30 meeting. I'm starting to find a balance of keeping up with my daily routine that supports and encourages my sobriety, my meetings, and also having a life and enjoying hobbies and also spending time just for me, my self care, my art, my writing, and just normal things in general.

I've been listening to a lot of Podcasts on sobriety and following a lot more Sober Supportive accounts on social media. I've been letting people know that I don't drink anymore. That things got really bad. I'm not ashamed of that. Yes, sometimes I get FOMO for a brief fleeting moment, but then I remember what I was actually like when I was drinking; chained to my bottle, in my apartment, watching hulu and basically existing and taking up space. The only thing I was missing out on was living my life.

So yes. Today I am free. I am free to choose what I want to do, because the choices I make today will define my tomorrow. And tomorrow is the future I created today.

I’m 42 days #sober today and just got married this past Saturday. I have been fairly quiet about it but now that I’ve made it more than a week, am applying myself to use the tools I’m learning every day, sometimes every minute.. I feel like maybe someone else will maybe understand the struggles I have went through with addiction. Thanks for letting me share..

Me coming home from a concert sober. It felt weirdly lonely and calming. I’ve never been more comfortable in my own skin.

I keep tripping over my past and falling over my future 🙁

This is one of the more special poems that I've written recently.

Sobriety has been a very big journey. Obviously, nobody is cured from addiction, but there comes a time in the healing process where you look around at the life you've managed to get back on track and start to wonder, "now that it seems like this is under control, what's next?"

This poem is kinda about that. Rather than feeling like things have been ending lately, I sense a new journey is about to begin and I'm scared to embark on it because trust is a tricky thing for me, especially when it involves the universe let alone other people.

The thing is, I know that whatever this next step holds for me, it has the potential to help me grow like never before. I have hope for the future which is a foreign concept that makes me both fearful... AND excited.

Whatever experiences lie ahead, this poem expresses that I'm ready to jump in and see what's waiting for me just below. 🥰

As of today, I am 612 days (a little over 20 months) sober. The time between these photos is almost exactly 2 years, so the photo on the left was about 4 months before I finally dropped the bottle. I was drinking HEAVILY at that point. As you can probably tell, my entire body was quite literally soaked in booze.

Now that I've been sober nearly 2 years, I have done a LOT of healing, reflecting, soul searching and very painful emotional and mental growing. In that growth, I have learned some very important things about myself.

One of the biggest things that bothered me about my insane level of drinking was "why?". I was finally in a relationship with someone who OBVIOUSLY loved me for exactly who I was/am. I was doing well in basically all aspects of life. So, why was I drinking my life away and continually searching for that numbness?

It has taken me 20 months, but I think I finally have a big part of the answer: I was afraid of being happy.

The last time I thought I was happy had been 22 years prior. I was with a man who I thought was "the one". Long story short, things went downhill fast. He wasn't the one and I ended up nearly dying from stress. Literally.

I spent the next 22 years undulating between sober and drunk. Trying to grieve as eloquently as possible. Working my ass off to raise my daughter by myself, while also self-medicating and trying to live the life I though I deserved. Nothing I did felt fulfilling and no amount of booze could take away the pain of what I had lost. I had not only lost my trust and love in someone I thought was my soul mate (ah, stupid youth), but I had also lost the full use of what used to be a very strong, athletic and incredible body.

Fast forward to 2021 and here I was again in love with someone who this time actually was worth trusting and worth loving, yet I was still unable to allow myself to be happy.

Why? Fear. Plain and simple. Fear that my past was returning to play out exactly the same way it had before. That fear then led me to drink to cover itself up, which then progressed to full blown addiction and having a shot of tequila immediately after waking followed by one every hour until bed. In between that time, I was ruining everything good in my life. Alcohol has a way of doing that so you will continue to love it and nothing/no one else.

Since realizing this truth, I have found myself at peace. Peace knowing that I understand myself better. Peace within myself to allow myself to let go of that past pain and continue to tell myself things are different. I am different. I have healed in many, many ways. I am no longer that 20 year old inexperienced girl. I am a full grown very experienced and very wise woman. I am powerful. I am more powerful than my fears and I am certainly more powerful than any substance that tries to call me back to the dark side. No thank you, I prefer the light.

Many people have said that you can see how withdrawn I was in my "before" photos and now see how alive I am in my current. It's true. Not only is it obvious in my photos, but I feel it in my heart and soul. I still have some healing to do and will always be a work in progress, but I am beyond grateful I have found more of myself and have learned to love who I am and what I have to offer.

In the words of a wonderful man; I am Wonder Woman.

I am at the milestone of seven months sober and doing music more than ever before life's great

Day twenty. I'm scared that my 147 day streak on duolingo will restart. I love my journey of getting to this day. I'm proud of myself tbh. Thank you for my friends for being there <33

Have a great day/night!!

Sober pt.2

On 15th Jan 2022 I posted on here saying I wanted to be completely sober by the end of the year… and last week I got my 1 year sobriety chip from my amazing AA group 🥹

Deciding to go to AA has genuinely become one of the best parts of my week now. It's nothing like u see on tv, they're the most wonderful ppl that share stories that leave me feeling so less alone in this world.

It’s funny bc I always wanted to go to AA meetings but I felt like I wasn’t “enough of an addict” but I bought Russel Brands recovery book and read how he talked about “switching one addiction for another just to escape from it all”, and I was like holy sh*t that’s me!! whether it’s drink, drugs, food, sex etc anything to just escape from the pain of this reality.

so I went to my first meeting last year and they welcomed me with open arms and the more ppl I meet and the more stories I hear, the more I relate to everyone, and it really has changed my perspective on life. I’m just so grateful the universe directed me here and for the first time ever I’m happy to be alive.

Life ain’t easy and I had a bad week last week and I felt hopeless again. But I went to a meeting today and someone shared almost exactly how I felt, sharing raw emotions and the pain they felt. It was met with so much advice, amazing advice, that ppl give bc they care and understand how it feels. At the end of the day we are spiritual beings borrowing this human body and connecting through energy. We are stronger together. The energy is stronger together and there IS hope for when things get bad.

I no longer feel the need to escape from reality, but I know I am not “cured” and this feeling can come back again but I’m trying my best and that’s all we can really ask for, isn’t it?

Today I’m feeling blessed. 🫶

My name is Calyx and I'm an addict.

That's always a great hook. Glad you're here. Sobriety is great, but I'm done with the bullshit. Here is my raw and unfiltered journey through sobriety, you're welcome to follow along.

I'm not exceptionally motivational, this shit is tough and I refuse to sugar coat. You should too. I hope I can convey something comprehensible, and that you might be able to take something away from my experience. Good luck!

January 28th, 2022. That's my sober date. But I loath dates, so I often forget it. It's written somewhere in my house, but I forget where that's at too. It's not for lack of care, or maybe it is. Im not perfect, but im sober. That sounds like a win for me. I was coming up on 3 years when I relapsed last. It was really a stupid sort of deal. Letting someone into your life should not be handled without care. Ask me, im an expert at doing the exact opposite. Magically, one aquaintance enticed me out of my delicately bubble wrapped box of sobriety and tempted a hunger that, for the most part, had been shoved under the bed amongst the old family photos, a long lost sock, and a disgusting population of dust bunnies. An hour before my relapse, my mind was TV static. Minutes before, my hands were tingly and going numb... my heart beat swelling in my face and burning through my skin. Seconds before, I can not recall. I was entirely consumed once again. Like a flash, nothing mattered more in that moment.

But the guilt! The shame! The self disappointment! Blah blah blah. Sometimes it's like visiting an old friend. The one that firmly grasped your hand when you you were drowning way back when, but afterwards wouldn't stop asking you to bend over so they could fuck you up the ass. (Sorry, I've never been a fan of the back door option - the front works just fine, thanks!) You don't know why you go back. You hate them. Yet, you do.

So, 3/9/2019 became 1/28/2022 in only a second. No big deal. Im not dead, yet. So I kept on trucking forward. Here I am, again...with a year and some change on me. Things are much different this time around, for what we could assume is for the better.

Check in for weekly thoughts/short stories/all that jazz, but don't get ahead of yourself. I'm an immediate gratification enthusiast, and I don't make habits of staying around anywhere for too long. Remember, don't panic!✌️