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This is one of the more special poems that I've written recently.
Sobriety has been a very big journey. Obviously, nobody is cured from addiction, but there comes a time in the healing process where you look around at the life you've managed to get back on track and start to wonder, "now that it seems like this is under control, what's next?"
This poem is kinda about that. Rather than feeling like things have been ending lately, I sense a new journey is about to begin and I'm scared to embark on it because trust is a tricky thing for me, especially when it involves the universe let alone other people.
The thing is, I know that whatever this next step holds for me, it has the potential to help me grow like never before. I have hope for the future which is a foreign concept that makes me both fearful... AND excited.
Whatever experiences lie ahead, this poem expresses that I'm ready to jump in and see what's waiting for me just below. 馃グ
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offthetipofthepen 2 years
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"My Garden"
An original slam poem performed by me
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"MY GARDEN"
An original poem by Robin Lin Ryding (@polkahotness aka me)
There is a garden that grows inside my head.聽
Overgrown and wild, it hides away in a dark, musty corner where music does not play and voices do not sing.聽
Underneath clouds of depression it wilts under constant rain and humidity聽
Air so thick, my lungs swell at the thought of its moisture taking root in my chest where there鈥檚 hardly any room left to breathe聽
The few flowers that exist cower under the backdrop of weeds that outstretch towards a darkened sky聽
What little sunshine exists there is swallowed by flora so ravenous it leaves no rays to nourish fragile leaves and buds too frightened to bloom.聽
My garden is a mess.聽
Behind my lids, it lies - an abandoned biodome聽
A forgotten patch of land never to be satiated with what attention it can get.聽
It clamors聽
And hollers聽
Until the screaming is all I hear
Until its yelling is all there is聽
Until it grows so loudly that I can no longer take the noise and I cry just to give it the water it so desperately demands.聽
Thick vines overtake already crowded space and squeeze聽
They squeeze until I suffocate聽
Squeeze until I鈥檓 dried up聽
Squeeze, and squeeze, and SQUEEZE until there鈥檚 nothing left but the dust of budding confidence now blown away by the whispering wind.聽
I close my eyes and see my garden聽
Unkempt, unclean, unhealthy.聽
Ants crawl beneath my skin and itch for me to tend the fertile soil within聽
Weakened veins beg for a new environment as if different dirt could fix what I鈥檝e let rot into the ground.聽聽
But it wasn鈥檛 me who did that.聽
I didn鈥檛 plant those weeds here and聽
I didn鈥檛 place clouds in the sky and聽
I did nothing but care, and love, and trust that everyone except myself would take care of my garden when those pests took control聽
My tender seedlings could not grow under their constant
Words and聽
Lies聽
And goodbyes that were wrought with expectations nobody could fulfill聽
How could anybody thrive
How could I be expected to survive when I was alone in this box filled with mud I was buried under
Where I couldn鈥檛 give anymore water聽
How do you still need more water? You only want more, and more, and more because you say it鈥檚 not enough
How can my tears not be enough?聽
WHEN WILL IT EVER BE ENOUGH?聽
Never.聽
It will never be enough.聽
Just like water is not enough
And sunlight is not enough聽
And the richest soils money can buy are not enough because brittle compliments and kind tongues will never be enough on their own to make my feeble plants grow.聽
Rain and shame wash overhead - a blanket of regret that encases me in what this garden could be聽
Should be聽
Would be if I had nurtured instead of tortured the life that grew here.聽
Those weeds can't be ungrounded just like seeds cannot be unsewn聽
But the mess I鈥檝e allowed to flourish can be plucked and tended.
With grimy gloves and new tools, I can learn to be the gardener these plants deserve
I can feed their scraggly roots with hard work and with sweat rather than drowning them in regret
I can reap the fruit they鈥檒l bare and harvest the joy they鈥檒l bring once their sprouts shoot up into the sky where there is nothing but empty space
And fresh air
And plenty of room to grow
Because one day this garden will burst with new life and overshadow those damned weeds that lay dormant - forever waiting to overstay their welcome聽聽
But this time, it is them that will not survive.聽
For I am finally ready to help my beautiful garden grow.
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Hello, I wrote this in 7 minutes
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