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#maybe it applies to some other people who just want to hear from someone else that they’re not lazy and it’s okay that they need extra help

punksocks · 10 months

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Astro Observations No.12:

-just my opinions, take them with a grain of salt !

-Does anyone else notice that Taurus in the big 6 (but even more in the big 3) gives people a square/sturdy look about them.? Their head or their hair or even their hands or their torso (more rectangular but ykno same rule applies) some physical aspect of them tends to be squared off.

-Omg nobody likes showing off their significant other like a fixed Venus! (If they really like them ofc)

-Mars in 1st/Aries risings walk really fast and are always going like they’re got places to be even when they’re just wandering around.

-Said this in my astro analysis on the show You but like, Mars in Asc/Aries rising women can have a bit like not like other girls or I mostly get guy friends vibe a lot of the time. Sometimes I notice this with Aries moon women as well (sometimes they think they’re above more traditionally feminine women sometimes they don’t, this depends on how they’re socialized imo)

-Scorpio/Chiron rising may have tattoos heal especially well on their body (it’s scarification after all)

-Men/Masc folks with heavy water placements tend to be…tumultuous. I think its a cross of how masculinity is defined societally (patriarchy is such a thing) and the intense emotionality that water heavy folks already tend to experience. I think developed water heavy guys can be very comforting and emotionally in tuned and have a very nuanced sense of masculinity, but they usually have a lot of work to do to get there. Heavy Scorpio placements are known for this but Men with Cancer in the big 6 have a lot of work to do with their relationship to women & femmes/feminity/their mothers/ being nurturing/healthy emotional expression.

-Where Capricorn is can show where you’re picky and a bit rigid in your expression- Venus means you’re picky about who you romance and befriend and you can be critical of your friends and partners; moon means you express your emotions in very particular ways and can be rigid in naming your harder feelings etc.

-No matter how sweet someone is, if they have a fire Mercury they’re gonna say something out of pocket (they’re gonna go too far with a joke or something) to you just because they’re a fire Mercury. No filter imo.

-Do Gemini Venus women appear fox like or is that just something I see? Lol (maybe true for Gemini Asc as well?)

-Mercurial risings do tend to look youthful and mischievous, I believe Mercury is a trickster god in mythology and I see that all over virgo/gemini Asc. Just a sparkle of mischief in their eyes even if they’re not up to anything nefarious. Also my partner frequently has people guess they’re much younger than they are and they’re like the 6th virgo rising I’ve met that this happens to.

-It’s so interesting that no mater how dark Scorpio risings look kids are often like totally chill with them or even drawn to them. I’ve had kids stare and approach me. Idk why, I do feel protective over my siblings but those are kids I know lol. Maybe it’s Pisces in 5th? Giving a ethereal and empathetic approach to children in general? Food for thought. (Once a tiny girl complimented my hair from a car window and I thought I was hearing things then I saw her and I was like :,0 thank you precious child and that was that lol)

-Earth moons can have a special soothing relationship with animals, like calming for the animals and the moon natives. It’s almost symbiotic at times.

-I’m big on wearing what you want in general but especially if you’ve got that 1st, 4th, 10th house Lilith/ Lilith conjunct, square, opposition your ascendant - Reclaim your power and wear. what. you. want. Your confidence will carry you a long way. (Same can apply for Pluto aspecting Asc)

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roseykat · 4 months

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TITLE: Stray Kids and Kinks

SUMMARY: Stray Kids members and each of their kinks (in my personal opinion). They’d most likely have more than one as well.

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSWF SKZ related content and I know I won’t be able to regulate/monitor every single potential interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work or page whatsoever.

TAGS: smut, discussions around sex, breath play, choking, public sex, slight voyeurism, begging, pictophilia, degradation, use of the names ‘slut’, ‘whore’, ‘fucktoy’, ‘cumslut’, collars, cuckolding, bondage/shibari.

MASTERLIST

A/N: to the people who were on my main taglist for my works, I’m so sorry because I’ve lost the list I had with everyone’s names on it. I’ll keep trying to search through my documents for them just in case. If I can’t, please message me if you still want to be added, no pressure!

BANG CHAN - Breath play

He’s adopted breath play techniques to help intensify your orgasms. For example, he’ll have a hand around your throat, squeezing at the sides as you’re about to cum. Then, just as you do, he’ll take his hand away so that more oxygen rushes to your brain as you orgasm hard around his dick. Seeing you cum your brains out from it only made him want to do it more.

But it just so happens that Chan also likes to be choked. He folds whenever you’re on top riding him and you extend a hand down his throat to squeeze. As a result, he’s bound to cum inside you without question. Or maybe when you’re both making out, Chan likes to feel your hand apply that snug restriction around the sides of his neck.

MINHO - Public Sex

Public sex is a staple aspect of bringing spontaneity into your relationship with Minho and it’s a major turn on for him. Whenever you’re both on the go, there’s always a time where he’s horny. Fucking in a club was the first time either of you had done anything in public - and you’re sure that someone was in one of the stalls watching through the gap in the door of Minho bending you over the sink.

Now, his horizons have expanded to fucking you in a tent when you both go camping, fucking in a room at some pension when you and the other guys go away for a holiday, giving him head underneath the table at a overly crowded restaurant, fucking you against a brick wall down some alleyway as you’re both walking back home because neither of you could wait. The possibilities are endless for him, and so far you haven’t been caught.

CHANGBIN - Begging

Changbin’s ego inflates whenever you beg him to do something in the bedroom. It not only means that you need him to do whatever it is, but that there’s nobody else in the world who can satisfy you other than him. He just thrives off of it. Begging him to let you cum is his ultimate weak point, but not as much as when you beg him to eat you out.

You could both be fifteen minutes into making out, touching each other, and he would deliberately refrain from doing anything further until he hears you pleading for him to go down on you. Only when he says ‘yes’, he’ll eat you out slowly and delicately, right to the point where you get frustrated and have to beg him again. This time to make you cum.

HYUNJIN - Pictophilia

Has countless polaroids, pictures, and videos of yours and his naked body. Will take photos of you from behind, you with his cum on your tits or face, videos of his dick visibly disappearing inside your pussy and sliding back out, videos of him making you orgasm that you can see your legs shake in the frame. He likes revisiting those memories and then creating more to see later on.

Sometimes you’ll watch them back together, that’s if Hyunjin doesn’t get all shy about it. He likes watching you, just not himself so much. In the moment, when he’s fucking your brains out, he can be an animal and say ‘how good your pussy feels’, tell you how much ‘you’re creaming around him’. But the minute you both watch it over together, he gets embarrassed hearing himself say those things to you on camera.

HAN - Degradation

At first you weren’t sure if you could bring yourself to call Jisung such degrading names when he asked you to. It wasn’t until you really tried and saw how much he enjoyed it. His eyes glass over like he’s suddenly under your control, which he is. Calling him names like ‘whore’, ‘slut’, or ‘fucktoy’ is guaranteed to make him cum even harder.

Pairing that with any type of overstimulation or orgasm control gives you a very needy Jisung who’s brain turns into mush just from hearing those sorts of names. He isn’t too sure why or how degradation works so well for him, how it makes his orgasms feel ten times more stronger than just normal verbal communication during sex. That being said, Jisung, like you’ve told him many times, is a ‘cumslut’ who enjoys just orgasming. So much that if degradation helps him get there, then he’s all for it.

FELIX - Collar Kink

Each collar is carefully selected by him for you to wear. He cares and stores them the way that he does with his keyboards. His favourites are the ones with metal rings or heart shaped loops at the front so that he can hook his finger in it and bring you closer to whatever it is he’s doing. They’re very personal statements that he takes pride in not only collecting but also creating as well.

Felix customises and curates them especially for you. He selects the leathers from black to pale pinks to deep reds. Some will have studs or multiple metal loops, others will be classic and plain. The point of the matter is that Felix swells inside with excitement every time he gets to fasten or buckle the collar around your neck.

SEUNGMIN - Cuckolding

This man has a kink for essentially watching you get railed by another man - maybe two sometimes. He doesn’t strike as the type of person to share you, but he compromises when his fantasies come into focus. When he presented you with this peculiar idea to see you have sex with someone other than himself, you were all in it. To test things out, he thought it would be best to invite someone you both know. Someone who would be into the same idea.

That person ended up being Jisung who was a perfect fit for the night and it’s never been awkward since. These types of experiences make having sex with Seungmin even more special and intimate when it’s just the two of you. There’s not another man who makes you cum the way he does - none of the men he’s watched you have sex with.

Jeongin - Bondage

Jeongin enjoys tying you up, but especially in shibari. An intricate practice of bondage that passes off more as art than something sexual. He’s perfected the craft of skilfully binding your body to create beautiful ties and wraps. His slender and long fingers help with threading multiple lengths of ropes into different loops at the same time. In some cases, shibari is just for people to look at and doesn’t involve sex.

Almost similar to BDSM in some cases. But Jeongin will fuck you in it. There’s a side to him that can be very irrational and heated. The way the rope tightens around your body or the way the patterns contrast with your skin, makes him impulsive. He will involve other sexual practices like BDSM, maybe sensation play, edging, orgasm denying - anything to see you struggle against the rope.

#rosiewritesskz #stray kids smut #skz smut #lee know smut #han jisung smut #bang chan smut #felix smut #hyunjin smut #changbin smut #i.n smut

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pink-amethyst-tarot · 2 months

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Looking for a sign?

a pick-a-card reading

Take a deep breath and let your intuition guide you. In the end, only you know what is truly best for you.

P I L E 1 P I L E 2 P I L E 3

pile 1

"You are a badass being, full of life, love & possibilities. Through this deck, may you find a path to your best self." Modern Witch Tarot Deck, Lisa Sterle

Page of Swords, Queen of Pentacles, Eight of Pentacles, Ten of Cups, The Emperor, Seven of Swords

It seems you are looking for the joy in life and you have been working really hard to find it. The thing is, you might be looking in the wrong places. You're looking right when you should be looking left. You aren't seeing your potential and how powerful, beautiful and magnificent you are. The things that you are trying to manifest want to come to you but you first have to look within.

Card from the Angel Answers Oracle Deck: Don't Stop!

I am reading this as your angels telling you that you are doing so well, even if things are uncomfortable right now. You have made amazing progress, and you should acknowledge that. If you look back on who you used to be and where you used to be, you will notice that you have made some amazing strides forward. Don't give up on you. There is a reality that you want to live in and it's calling for you, but it can get to you if you don't meet it in the middle.

I hope you enjoyed this reading, if you would like to get a more person look into your situation, see this post.

pile 2

Six of Swords, Three of Swords, Five of Wands, Death, The World, Ace of Swords

Change is inevitable. There is a change that you have been resistant to because you don't want to be uncomfortable. You're so used to one side of the river, you're afraid to even think about going to the other side. This thing you are avoiding, it's not what you think it is. Change, good or bad, can be uncomfortable. It's still going to happen, though. You will not be able to please everyone but you will be happier, in the end. It's not your problem if there are people that don't understand what you're doing or what you want. They are either along for the ride or they can stay home. You know what the right choice is.

Card from the Angel Answers Oracle Deck: YES

There's your answer. The answer is yes. I'm hearing Say Yes by Floetry; all you gotta do is say yes, don't deny what you feel. Once again you know what you need to do, what you want to do. You just wanted someone else to say it so I'm saying it. Don't think of all the reasons why you think it's a flute. Your angels/guides/the universe doesn't do flukes. If it's for you, it will find you. The answer is yes. Yes.

I hope you enjoyed this reading, if you would like to get a more person look into your situation, see this post.

Pile 3

Queen of Wands, Ace of Wands, The Devil, Temperance, King of Wands, Justice

First thing I heard was, "leave him alone." Now, this is a general reading so apply the pronouns and genders this will apply to. You are doing something that you know is wrong but it feels damn good. It makes you feel powerful. You're aware that something is off. Maybe a power imbalance. If you don't cut this out now, it will bite you in the ass very quickly and painfully. It's time for you to take control of the narrative again and do right by yourself.

Card from the Angel Answers Oracle Deck: NOT THE RIGHT TIME and NO!

This has HEEEEELL NO energy to be quite frank. Whatever you are doing or planning to do, just don't. Just avoid the mess and drama while/if you can.

I hope you enjoyed this reading, if you would like to get a more person look into your situation, see this post

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. These readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.

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fluff-n-cookies · 6 months

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having Hawks as your Body Guard.

it simply came to be like an epiphany from whatever deity lies from above. Body gaurd AU, as always fem reader, reader is 7-3 years old, and shy, hawks is a soft yandere, and Platonic.

Now in this AU Hawks is a body guard for people who need body guarding and since you have a pretty well known and wealthy family in this AU you are considered to be a prime target for well, bad people, ya' know?

anyway so hawks recently gets a call to be a body guard for your family now hawks is okay with this but the problem is when he realizes HE IS TAKING CARE OF YOU.

like your this tiny little thing that doesn't even speak that much how is he going to survive taking care of you EVERY DAY?

it just so BORING.

but hey, they pay well. (and he hears that the family's main body guard is Endeavor so there's that too)

so he gets there, standard procedure, nothing too interesting getting the names of his ward, where he'll be taking you etc.

and then he actually meets you and boring stuff happens, he tries to talk to you and then talk to Endeavor but being a child and a shy one at that you're not someone who he'd call fun.

he picks you up from your school, drives you to your house, another person's house (your moms friend) house, doctor appointment, barricades you from other people you know the drill.

it probably isn't until you're in danger that he actually starts to care. I'm guessing burglar that tries to hold you hostage.

because something inside him just clicks.

he suddenly has his feeling of unease and discomfort when he doesn't know where you are and when you're not by his side.

Mama Bird mode is activated.

he also finds that he wants to interact with you more, and gets closer to you. as in helping fix your hair, playing with you and then helping you clean up, and wanting to just really interact with you more.

has you hold his hand and lead the way to all your favorite places and he eyes everyone else to see if they're a threat.

since you're so shy, Keigo takes it upon himself to answer the questions you didn't even ask, alike you could be at the zoo, and eye a random animal for too long and he'll be spitting facts all like "did you know that Butterflies can taste with their feet, using something called Chemoreceptors that help them to identify plants! cool right?" and stare at it for even longer and he's buying you a plushie, it's over, you are getting that plushie!

and when your family is out in public he just kinda

and it's so fucking funny, he just barricades you so much the media doesn't have a single photo of you that your parents have not posted. and Keigo anonymously keeps reporting it so they take those posts down, HE CANNOT HAVE ANYONE ELSE HAVE YOU YOU"RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD.

oh my god, if you talk to him more than you normally would with anyone else, he can and will look so damn smug, he loves the fact that not even your Parents have what you have with him.

at some point Mama Bird mode is Elevated, he just can't take it anymore, he fucking applies to be a nanny.

I'll write for endeavor and miruko in this Au on monday and tuesday respectively maybe a little before that if I'm too impatient.

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lachiennearoo · 7 months

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How to Make Friends

A more-or-less clear guide on social interactions

Growing up with heavy ADHD and generalized anxiety, it was always a bit hard for me to make friends and socialize. Despite my yearning for friendship, I was always "the quiet one" and "a loner", simply because I didn't know how to approach certain social situations, and it made any friendship I had extremely unstable (except for my sister @vive-le-quebec-flouffi, who was so extroverted and friendly it was literally impossible to escape her clutches of socialization)

As I grew older, I learned through a lot of trial and error what makes a good friendship.

Or, rather... what's the best way for someone to WANT to be your friend (without being superficial or hypocritical.)

Now, obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. But this is what I found helped me the most in social circles (especially online) and I hope it can help others too

LET'S BEGIN!

1 - Be yourself

Now that sounds very cliche and cringe, I know, but hear me out, because my opinion on this is not the same as all those feelgood inspirational movies and ads.

"Being yourself" isn't as simple as it seems. Because after all, what does "self" imply? If someone is, say, a criminal, would "be yourself" mean that they should embrace their sinful side?

No, obviously not.

"Be yourself" is a bit more nuanced, but I'll try to boil it down for you.

It just means "be unashamed of your qualities which you think are flaws". For example, "be yourself" would apply to someone who sees themselves as ugly, or maybe someone with an odd yet unharmful hobby, or a weird sense of fashion, or someone with say a handicap, a speech impediment. "Be yourself" is a sentence for the specific people who have genuine good in them, but are afraid to show it to others because they have been persecuted in the past, or are scared to be. It does NOT mean to accept genuine flaws. "Be yourself" does not include say violent anger issues, an addiction, a recent crime committed, or a generally unpleasant personality. Those are obviously not things to encourage. You can understand they may be a thing that happen to you, and accept it in your life, but that's different from being proud of it or encouraging it.

Speaking of personalities... let's talk about that

2 - Be kind

Now when some people hear that, they think it means "always smile no matter what, always look happy and positive, always agree with everyone just so you don't hurt their feelings, and never cause any drama", like you're Deku in My Hero Academia or Steven Universe in his titular show.

But that's... not quite that.

Obviously, kindness is something you use to help people feel better, to cheer up, and feel happy, and obviously to be kind, you need to have compassion, heart, empathy, and always put yourself in other people's shoes regardless of who they are. But it is not necessarily all-encompassing.

There's a rule that I think anyone learning kindness must learn. It's that sometimes, kindness means to be firm.

Not mean, of course. Not judgmental, not insensitive. Don't insult anyone, don't belittle or patronize anyone or make them feel inferior to you. That's still very rude and that's not what you want.

But what I mean is that sometimes, if you know that a person's actions towards something are wrong, especially if it's towards someone else, you must be able to point it out, and act accordingly. Don't just stand there and agree with them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You must still be able to know right from wrong. Kindness just means you won't be an ass about it, it doesn't mean to stay silent.

Hey, that brings me to point three!

3 - Show your own opinions

If there's one thing people hate just as much as meanness, it's those who stand by and do nothing about it.

Regardless of if you agree with them or not, if you say absolutely nothing when genuinely bad behaviour is happening, out of fear of "starting a fight", you are actively making the person who is being attacked feel alone.

I remember myself, when I was bullied in the first two grades of secondary school (11-13 years old for those who don't know) for "being ugly", I was told by my mother (who was friends with other kid's parents) that some of the kids "didn't hate me" and "didn't agree with the bullying". And I asked her "if they don't hate me, why won't they talk to me?" She never managed to answer that one. And it broke my heart, because outside of my sister, I had no one else.

Don't be like that. You may be scared of acting, but you know who would be grateful if you did act? The victims. And isn't their opinion of you much more important than the opinion of someone who acts with hatred and bigotry?

If you see someone suffering injustice, or even just hear someone who has a rather harmful opinion, don't be scared to tell them that you disagree. Obviously don't be an asshole about it, stay civil, but if you voice out your opinion, you will be seen as someone who stays true to their beliefs and is brave enough to stand up for them if the opportunity comes.

There's obviously much more that comes with social life (nonverbal cues, sense of humor, timing and mood), and I don't know everything (I'm just some random québécois girl on the internet). But I hope this was a bit more helpful. I did have fun writing this, at least. So I guess that's better than nothing!

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berryzxx · 5 months

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omg hi

can i request a fic where reader has had a bad day so theo cheers her up (like bff's to lovers) bc i want im desperate

thank you

Your mine, sweetheart

hey gal x (also who isn't desperate for Theo?) Pansy is a bitch in this one but anyways hope u like it x)

Summary: Theo cheers you up after a bad day

Theodore Nott x reader

Pansy looked me up and down, hate simmering in her eyes. She scoffed "Don't tell me that's what your wearing. You look like an absolute slag"

After being best friends with her for our first few years and realising how toxic she really was I had tried to keep my distance from her but she didn't get the hint and instead liked to comment on each and every thing I did. Of course the comments hurt me but maybe after the years they just didn't hurt as much. Maybe I was immune now. The dress I had chosen for this nights party was a short green dress, something to celebrate our Quidditch win but of course the dress didn't live up to her expectations. What was really annoying was she wore a similar dress just a few weeks back but according to her I was the one who looked like a slag.

"I think it looks nice Pansy"

I turned to my mirror and applied a light pink lip gloss that was almost finished because of the amount of times I had used it. I couldn't be bothered arguing with her tonight. I wasn't about to let her ruin my mood.

"I bet you tried finding the shortest dress in that store"

I rolled my eyes "What are you on about?" I was getting tired of her stupid, annoying comments.

"You know exactly what I'm on about. Don't think Theo's gonna fuck you after this, honey. Your just like all the other desperate bitches at the party"

I gritted my teeth together and put my lip gloss down trying to appear as unaffected as I could. "Fuck off. Jealousy isn't a good look on you"

I walked past her, tears forming in my eyes. Before I could leave she made sure to mutter "Once a whore, always a whore". I let my feet carry me outside to the warm summer evening where the sun was setting. I walked around the lake trying to blink away the tears so my makeup wouldn't be ruined. Was there any point of going to the party? No, probably not.

I sat down on hill, the freshly mowed grass making a soft carpet for me to relax on. Me and Theo had sat hear many times before whether it was to have a late night snack or to miss lessons. It was a comforting place.

I sat there until the sun set and soon it got darker. Almost too dark. My thoughts had cleared now. My tears no longer trying to make an appearance. Maybe I could join the party. Just because one person was being an ass didn't mean everyone else would be.

As I was contemplating on whether I should stand up or not someone cleared their throat behind me. I raised my wand instantly expecting...well something scary I guess.

It was in fact Theo holding a small golden lantern. I didn't bother standing up and instead waited for him to flop down next to me.

"My favourite person isn't going to congratulate me on my performance today?" He placed the lantern between us so we were both bathed in a warm orange light. I could just about make him out, his features looking almost worried.

"You were good." I said. I didn't have the social battery to talk to him right now even if he had done nothing wrong.

He smiled at me "I know. What's up with you? Your usually dragging me to parties but instead your...well from my point of view it looks like your mourning your rabbit"

I let out a small laugh. Even at times like these he could make me laugh. "I just don't understand. Why is it so hard for some people to be nice?"

Theo shrugged "They're probably insecure. Or jealous."

"Yeah. Probably"

We sat in silence for another few minutes before Theo stood up stretching out his hand to me "Come on, sweetheart. Your the life of the party. It's no fun without you"

I stood up and handed him the lantern instead "You can be the life of the party tonight. I'm tired"

"Don't let someone ruin what you want to do. Y/n you love parties. You've never missed one. Unless you really are tired, I'll respect your decision and walk with you to your room"

I contemplated my options. I could do what I really wanted to do which was go to the party and enjoy life with my friends or I could get cosy in my bed and feel like a coward for the next week. He was right. No one got to influence what I wanted to do.

"Your playing truth or drink with me then" He grinned at me "Whatever you want, sweetheart"

As we walked back inside the castle from a more hidden entrance Theo made sure to hold my hand because apparently he "didn't want me to trip and get hurt". Whatever the reason was it didn't stop butterflies from forming in my stomach.

I had to blink at the sudden brightness of the corridors, the light finally letting me see Theo clearly. He had dropped my hand and instead was surveying me.

Theo's eyes took their time on inspecting my outfit, hungrily devouring the way the dress emphasised my curves. He finally brought his gaze up to look at me, his eyes slightly darker than usual "You look absolutely divine"

I smiled at the compliment "If you weren't my best friend, I'd say you were flirting with me"

He raised an eyebrow "Maybe I am. It's quite hard not to when my best friend is so fucking gorgeous" My cheeks heated at his words, my dress feeling a little too tight all of a sudden. I think I needed to sit down after that.

He extended his arm so I could wrap my hand around it. "I can't wait to tell everyone we're dating"

I paused. What did he say? "If that's ok with you" He added hastily.

I thought about what he said. Had I always imagined what it would be like if Theo asked me out and we weren't just best friends anymore? Of course I did. Every single second of every single day.

"That's fine with me"

He smiled again, a small dimple appearing in his left cheek "Then it's settled. Your mine, sweetheart. And I'm yours"

(not proof read cause im a lazy bitch)

(also will be creating a master list soon :) )

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buckets-and-trees · 10 months

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Hehe I’m here with a dare 😏

So I’m such a sucker for angst but with a happy ending - I’d love to hear how you would go about writing a forced proximity meets the one that got away fic, from what I’ve read of your writing I feel like you’d really do those tropes justice

Alright, Em... let me stretch my fingers and get ready for this one...

I THOUGHT about this.

Ari Levinson

Modern AU - college and then mid-to-late-30s Ari

We're going to call this... er... maybe an "imagine-novella"? It kind of ended up being a 2500-word plot exploration. No content warnings, only some language.

You meet Ari in college. He’s tall and toned and tanned, always in a baseball cap unless forced otherwise, and he’s already sporting a full beard and looking good with it. He’s a couple of years older because he worked out of high school before for a couple of years - long enough to put enough away to pay for tuition without being a burden on his parents. When you meet him, it's when there's the huge club rush out on the quad your junior year. It's in the middle of campus in the first weeks of the semester so everyone does wander through by the nature of when and where it is. You see the table for the radio station on campus. Truthfully you don't even notice him at first. You're standing twenty feet away looking at the sign and thinking about whether or not it's worth it, maybe shake things up, you love music - you're that friend always making the playlists, discovering new songs and bands, dying to go to big music festivals, etc, and your campus has a radio station...

Someone else was talking to him as he's running that table, and they leave and then he sees you standing there, and, "Hey! You!"

It jolts you out of your thoughts and you're caught off guard for just a half a second, and go, "Me?"

He grins, "Yeah, you."

Your feet move before you even really think about it because ... that's just what you do when people call you over. It’s an instant crush for you but you try and reign it in, because he's excited that you're actually interested in the station, and you genuinely are excited about it. He's a Journalism and Communications major and the station manager, and so he gives you the pitch to come to an info meeting they're going to have, he'd love to see you there.

And you do go. Because... it doesn't matter that he's cute. The more you keep thinking about it, you decide it would actually be fun. You get a show, you make a lot of new friends with the other station people - some of them are total nerds, but they're all fun or nice or a little bit irreverent, and so station meetings once a month are fun. You're a good DJ. You have fun with your shows. Ari takes note - he appreciates it. The station is his baby. He puts everything into it. He's not outgoing, even though he's charismatic, but he can't help but gravitate to the people who really fucking love it like him. You don't get to know him super well that first year, but when it's time for him to appoint new directors to run the station the next year, he pulls you aside and says he loves what you've done with your show and wants you to think about applying for a director position.

You do. It's going to be your last year of college, the DJ gig hasn't been work, it's just been fun, and ... you love being part of the team, love to work on exciting projects, dig your hands into the dirt and make something great, so yeah. You throw your hat in the ring, because why not? And it could be an extra thing to go on your grad school applications.

Ari not only picks you for the team, he actually ends up picking you to be the director of programming, his number two, the one who oversees the DJs and putting together the roster for shows each semester. And that's what launches everything to a new level.

You lock down DJs that you want to come back the next fall, you both go away for the summer, but now you're texting somewhat regularly about ideas for the next year, things you'll work on, and the real working friendship develops. When fall semester starts and it's full speed on the ground, you and the team of directors really work to make the station great, but it's A LOT of you and Ari.

And to say he becomes one of your best friends senior year? Maybe. You tread that line because there's still that part of your heart that crushes on him, but the part that loves doing everything station and music and working on this big beast together? That's big. You let that be the focus. Because it's fun. And he's fun. And he's brilliant (like you, which is why he likes you) and ambitious (like you) and he's got this great, rich laugh that you get to hear a lot. And a lot of your other friends are busy with their senior years, too, and so are you, and so you don't mind any of the time you spend working on the station with Ari and the other directors and the DJs who are just this pack of a couple dozen people who come and go. But a lot of you and Ari.

And he doesn't date anyone. Not the entire time you know him. You heard/thought maybe there were some hook ups he indulged in during your junior year, but not that year before you both graduate. He clearly doesn't have time for a girlfriend and doesn't love anything more than the station, but you do think - just a little bit - just in the back of your head sometimes - that maybe you don't hear about him with anyone this year because... he's not going to date you - that would be unprofessional for you two and the station - but maybe it's because you are close. And maybe as you get closer to the end of the year... maybe he's going to make a move. He's always said he's already a confirmed old bachelor, but the way he smiles at you, the way he values your opinion, how often he says how amazing you are and how he appreciates you... you're going to be the girl who finally gets him.

But time is running out. And even though you both pour your hearts into the station together, there are never any late nights (those are given to studying, passing classes, etc). The last month, he says stuff like he's never going to see any of you again. Jokingly. You all laugh as directors because how could he mean it? He's made you all a family.

He makes more comments like that in the last weeks and days, and when he says he's going to shut down all of his social media, because he only had it to run and promote the station, you call him on his bullshit. And he says no. He's serious. He's going to go into journalistic photography, and he's going to create the network he needs where he needs it, but he's not playing the PR games to do it - the dream is wild nature photography, work in remote locations, never talk to humans again if he can help it. And it's so stupid. You tell Ari he's being ridiculous. He can't want to live so far off the grid.

"I'm sorry," he says, kindly but matter-of-factly. "But when we graduate, I'm never talking to any of you ever again."

You scoff. But this conversation is now just you and him in the station on a Saturday afternoon. But then you look at him for a half a second and really see his face. And you think he means it. "Ari, I did not give my fucking heart and soul into this station for the last year as your friend for you to never talk to me again. You at least owe me a lunch five years from now."

He smiles. "Okay. Maybe in five years. You find me in five years and I promise I'll take you to lunch."

And you graduate a week later, and he says goodbye, and you're not sad about it. Maybe just a bit wistful for what might have been. But after that specific "five years" conversation, you realize it was only you who was maybe a bit foolishly hopeful. He'd really never led you on. You never told him you had a crush (you had tried to keep it professional, because you did genuinely love the friendship) and he'd never given you or anyone else any illusion that he was there for anything other than working on the station and that bonding and camaraderie. If he had led you on, if there had been late nights, maybe you would've been hurt. But aside from being secretly hopeful, there really wasn't much harm done by your pining. But maybe in five years, you'll look him up for that lunch he agreed to.

He does fall off the gridl You take a busy summer job and then a paid internship in the fall, and you try and track him a bit, but you do just… get busy and move forward. You think of Ari a lot, but less and less as the time goes on. You know the name of the newspaper he was going to start off with right after graduation, and although he got rid of social media, he did have a beautiful website he set up for his photography. And you check that once in a while, but less and less. You get a fulltime job after the internship, and your life becomes even more full with the things that aren’t Ari, and sometimes you think about him, but most times you don’t.

When that five years rolls around, you start to think of him more again.

But you let it come and go.

You didn’t necessarily feel like you were living your best life, and if you were going to get one lunch to win over the one who got away and make him realize you were the love of his life… maybe you’d feel a little better – a little more accomplished, go to the gym more, be really something – in ten years.

Fleeting thought in ten years. Though you do think of him when you realize it’s that ten year mark. And you just kind of smile because ten years ago you was so wildly for him, and five years ago you was still a touch foolishly hopeful, and wouldn’t it be something if you did look him up now? But you really don’t need to anymore.

Then a couple of years later, you move to a new place, and without ever even trying, who else should somehow be living two doors down from you but Ari fucking Levinson?

And he sees you first. He’s just gotten home, opened the door from the garage into the house to be reunited with his good girl – a beautiful golden retriever who’s waited for him all day, walked with her trotting along at his side out to his mailbox, and looks down the street to see who’s just sending off the movers out of curiosity for who’s moving into the neighborhood, and he does a fucking double take because it’s you.

His god damn jaw drops and he laughs and then calls out your name.

You turn, hardly believing it but knowing that voice anywhere, and you laugh and shake your head. “Ari Levinson?”

You push the messy hair from the long day’s work of moving out of your face and are glad you’re not besotted for this man anymore, even if he does look like even more of an Adonis now, because you do know you look a mess, but you don’t even care. Having moved out of state for this dream job, you couldn’t be any more happy just to have someone from your past right at your new home base.

“’Of all the gin joints in all the towns in the world!’”

He meets you halfway, and he pauses a beat away from you because he’s not a hugger, but somehow there’s just this draw to hug you, and so he does. Only surprising to you for a second, but you’re so tired and it’s been a good day but a long day, and you were excited for this move, but you can’t deny a familiar face just feels good, so you melt into him just for the comfort of it for a moment. It’s just nice.

And when you pull back, the obedient but attentive dog draws your attention, lighting your face up with a beautiful grin. “Can I pet your dog?!”

But the two of you are already drawn to each other and bonding before he gets the, “Sure, of course,” out of his mouth.

He doesn’t wear those old baseball caps every day anymore, so he pushes his hand through his hair, and that move has practically made women drop their panties for him over the years, but you don’t even notice, too busy showering affection on his sweet golden girl while the two of you exchange the kind of words two of the oldest friends do when they haven’t seen each other in ages. Why is his chest so tight and warm all at once. Why does he have the thought cross his mind that you showing up here feels like home? Why are you falling in love with his dog and not with him? Wait, why did he think that?

This feels like a slippery slope.

But maybe he doesn’t fucking care.

When he is back inside his house, starting to pull something from the fridge to heat up for dinner, he remembers that he promised you a dinner.

It’s later than you two made the deal for, but… he’ll start there.

Just old friends who are new neighbors.

That night when he’s plugging his phone in to charge before bed, he remembers that he never did get rid of your contact in his phone. You might have the same number.

What he doesn’t know is that when he left the harbor, sure, you waited with that boat hopefully for a bit, but then you finally took your ship and sailed – everywhere really – and you may be eager to fall happily in love with his dog and genuinely grateful to know you’ll have someone in your corner on this new adventure, but you want nothing more than that good friendship in your life. He was one of your greatest friends all those years ago. But you finally got over that pining crush, and here’s no way you’ll be foolish enough to fall for him again, nor do you want to. You couldn’t ask for more than to have your old friend as your new neighbor, with his gorgeous golden retriever.

Ari does text you that night… just a welcome to the neighborhood again, and that he thinks he owes you a dinner, if he remembers correctly (he does, he’s just being casually clever), so he’s gotta take you out tomorrow night.

And it is still the same number, but you fell into the blissful rest of your bed, exhausted after move in day, so you don’t even see it that night. It will wait until you get to it in the morning.

Just like Ari will have to wait for what he wants. And work to try to even bring you around again.

Will he have waited too long and you’ll be the one who got away?

#ari levinson x reader #ari levinson imagine #aspen's extended anniversary sleepover #em/writing for marvel #sleepover dare

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birdofmay · 1 year

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I just saw one of those "autism isn't linear, it's a spectrum" posts again and one picture was that how much the traits are pronounced could look like this:

[ID: two golden circles filled with the spectral colours. There are five white dots in each circle, each for one of the five categories: "sensory", "language", "executive function", "motor skills", and "perception". One dot is connected with its neighbouring dot by a black line, making it a simple polygon. In the first circle, it's almost a triangle, in the second circle it's a pentagon. Unfortunately my maths isn't good enough to tell you the name of the pentagon, but the bottom and the right side appear to be of equal length. /end ID]

And yeah, exactly, to use the outdated terms "high functioning" and "low functioning" - this individual here would be considered high functioning. Some traits are very pronounced and in fact very disabling. That's why "high functioning" dismisses the struggles of those autistics.

But they are considered high functioning because there are many traits that aren't that pronounced.

To illustrate that, this here would be someone considered low functioning:

[ID: The circle from above, but now there's a black line subsequently drawn within the circle, almost bordering the golden line. There are no white dots, but just imagine that the dots are on the outer edges, meaning that the traits are very pronounced. /end ID]

And you do see the difference, right? Every trait is very pronounced, very disabling, there's nothing that's not on the outer edges.

Sure, low functioning doesn't make sense when it's applied casually to every autistic with intellectual disability, or when it's applied to everyone who has some traits that aren't very pronounced - and unfortunately that was the case way too often.

But I just wanted to illustrate "severity" to you.

This is why I was diagnosed with "severe autism", because none of my traits are "weak" enough to compensate for the pronounced traits.

I don't like functioning labels either, I especially think that high functioning is very harmful if it's applied to an individual by others because it ignores that many of those autistics still have needs that need to be met and still struggle and (often) still in fact are disabled.

But you do see the difference, right?

My language skills got better over time (as you can read), but I still can't speak. My motor skills got better over time, but I still need people to help me with BADLs. My perception got better recently - I now sometimes hear when people call my name. But everything else? My perception is still shit.

That's the difference. That's why "high functioning" dismisses struggles but at the same time definitely is different from people diagnosed with severe autism. You can't even compare your bad days with our good days. Our life is completely different because we don't have those "weak traits" in the circle that you have.

Right.

And we definitely need to talk about the "neither nor" category of medium functioning and medium support needs, but that's for another day. This autism acceptance month maybe 😁

#long post #me trying to be informative

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miracledarling · 1 year

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the key to manifesting

luvie, if you're tired of "trying to manifest", read this.

i get it, sometimes it's tiring 🥺

so if you're looking for the the ultimate key to manifesting, and the only thing you are missing when it comes to manifesting. or the reason why your desires aren't here yet, this is the solution 💗

the ULTIMATE secret to manifesting is...🔑

ok so heres what you need to do SIKE haha you really thought i was going to give you the secret key to manifesting? you actually thought there was a secret about manifesting that you didn't know about?

guess what, there is not secret. there is no "key" to manifesting that i can tell you. you already know everything you need to know to manifest. you know enough. i have no secrets to spill.

warning: going to be a little mean here, no sugarcoating.

[ tip: click the links🤍]

the only "key" to manifesting is YOU. nothing else

YOU decide what is the key to manifesting. YOU decide it all. YOU are the creator of the reality. but why do you need a secret technique to manifest when creation is already finished and YOU are the only one who can do it.

maybe some people assume it's the feeling that's the secret. some people assume it's their belief. some assume it's the self concept. some assume it's the repetition. some assume its just deciding

similarly, some assume the states manifest, some assume its your dominant thought that manifests

but ONLY YOU can decide it for yourself. ONLY YOU can decide it's yours. ONLY YOU can turn your desires into the reality. there's no right or wrong except what you assume

THERE IS NO SECRET.

if u genuinely came to this post to look for a "secret method," a "fail proof technique," or that i was going to say "do this and your desire will finally come" well sorry. there is none i can give you. there is only what you assume. what you assume to be true.

stop looking for that secret key to unlock the door. it's not gonna happen honey. NOT UNLESS YOU CHANGE YOUR MINDSET.

YOU ALREADY HAVE THE KEY. USE IT 🔐

you probably don't want to hear this again, but it's most likely the truth. you already know how to manifest. you know exactly what to do. you know enough. what are you even looking for at this point? why do you need to know more? why over consume? why question if you're doing it right? why not JUST DO IT?

also some of you don't realize it but it's obvious some of you aren't at all confident in yourself and it SHOWS. like why check the 3d and then waver? you validate yourself. why are you BEGGING for tarot reading every day? aren't YOU the one deciding. i see people getting desperate for just a tarot reading. the same thing as checking the 3d btw, bc you're literally giving the power away.

if you're someone who has failed in the past, trust me, i know how it feels. it's happened in the past. but don't let that affect you anymore. let it be and move on. stop beating yourself up for "failure" because failure is the only thing impossible to us limitless beings. stop accepting failure. stop accepting what you don't want. move on from the old story, it's non existent anymore.

basically slam the door on your doubts, old story, anything other than what you want. never settle for less, and never question it because it's already done in the 4d, so why question.

another thing is, i always wonder why do people spend so much money on coaching or people to manifest for them when all this info is available for FREE.

there's a reason we bloggers have masterlists. we provide this information for free so you can APPLY it.

and stop trying so hard. it should never take much effort, not even lifting a finger. it's easy. make it easy and fun for yourself, stop stressing out about something that you can do instantly. applying doesn't mean you gotta neglect yourself. stop trying to pause your life just to avoid 3d. take care of urself. also take care of your mental health too.

bc you can literally do it all urself. you can manifest it all this very second.

oh and for some of you relying on bloggers and thinking we should be manifesting for you. bitch stop asking bloggers to manifest for you if you have a shitty mindset. and then go complain that it didn't work. you're literally reaffirming that it didn't work which keeps the assumption and you'd be trapped in that cycle.

for those who are constantly going on every social media platform, every neville book, every youtube video, every blog post. STOP RIGHT HERE. you're never going to find a "secret method" that will manifest all your desires once in for all if you don't APPLY.

be for real, are you applying? are you persisting? or are you constantly being confused and going back and forth, overconsuming, and not applying?? i don't care if one blogger says states manifest and another says affirm and persist. take what resonates and leave what doesn't. don't even listen to everyone on the internet, or even youtubers, even neville.

everyone has their own set of assumptions. if someone says "robotic affirmations doesn't work," but you want to do it, go ahead. if someone says you have to "experience time lag(which is bs)" but you don't want to, then ignore. ITS UR ASSUMPTIONS. WHAT YOU ASSUME TO BE TRUE IS TRUE. if you assume doing one method works, even if some other people say otherwise, it will still work for you. but seriously, apply the law.

no like aren't you glad you even know about the law? you literally have the power to experience whatever you want and yet you're scrolling through tumblr trying to find a secret method? seriously? you can literally change EVERYTHING this very SECOND. you could be applying and persisting all that knowledge you already know and manifest everything you wanted already.

so start applying, and stop looking around. you know enough, you know exactly what to do, do it now 💙

#loa #law of assumption #loassumption #manifesting #manifesation #self concept #neville goddard #affirmations #void state #loa affirmations #loa blog #10k affirmations #affirm and persist #affirmdaily #manifesting tips #law of attraction #sammy ingram #loablr

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psychelis-new · 9 months

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pick a pile: "Your true colors - (2/7) Orange"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a message for you from the color orange, the second of the 7 rainbow's colors. in this serie of readings about the rainbow's colors, I will try to channel about your true colors, so to help you look inside and see your most beautiful self, appreciate yourself more and hopefully provide some type of guidance if necessary. as cindy lauper would say: "your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow", so let's look at them and hear what they have to say to you and how they (you) can help you look at things in a more positive way.

orange is the color of meditation, simplicity, compassion, excitement, joy, adventure, sensuality, pleasure (sacral chakra)... in this reading, I'll try to analyze this side of your character.

you can find the other colors' readings in the pacs list in my pinned post

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

You are someone stimulating, happy, funny, but somehow you don't always tell everything that's behind that. You should be more vocal about your needs in any area of your life. You should ask for more. If you fear being labeled as needy, that's not the truth: people call you needy when they cannot handle their own needs too or were taught to not ask cause they dealt with people unable to provide/meet their needs as well. We're humans, we all have needs. Don't be afraid to ask. The worst that can happen is getting a "No" but it's nothing you haven't dealt with, right? You can survive that, you can ask for something else and get it instead. And it's fine. Maybe, it'll be even better than what you are asking for, who knows (maybe asking and getting a no will lead you to a different path, a better one even). But you'll know for sure instead of tormenting yourself over a matter without even asking for it. You can also compromise if necessary. And you can also be the one saying "No" and standing your boundaries. Try to be more in touch with yourself, to be more yourself also when you deal with others. To be more true with yourself and your needs too, to accept your needs first and foremost, cause you may pretend you don't actually need help or support when you actually do. Be in touch with that side of you. So don't be scared of being too much for anyone, you're not. You're not too much. Ask back for what you give, balance the energy in you. At times we tend to overdo things, to hide ourselves, to make things more complicated than they really are. And we help creating regrets and resentment as well this way. Be more simple, just ask or talk instead of letting fear and stress take over. You are allowed to ask and talk. Actually, you should. Do not wait for others to ask you or address you something. Not everyone has your same emotional depth or empathy, or can always read your mind, sometimes people just need to hear your words to answer you accordingly and meet your needs (and it's not out of selfishness or cause they hate you, they're just different and dealing with their own things too). Be more in touch with yourself to help them help you too. Meditate more. It will help you deepen your relationships with yourself and others. I think that's something you want, also in love/physical acts, if applies. You can have what you want, just be more simple in your approach to it. Simplify things, simplify your life instead of complicating it by overthinking and worrying (not easy at times but... try maybe). You have already all the answers inside of you, don't be scared to hear them and pour them out. Be your whole beautiful self.

song: fallin' all in you | shawn mendes

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pile 2

You know your complexity, you know your worth and you know you are probably called to leave a footprint somewhere in this world. I think you're not afraid of trying new things, of escalating mountains and generally reaching higher. You also know when it's time to take a timeout for yourself, when you need to focus on something or not. You know when it's time to change, you're pretty much a meditative person. You're kinda brave too. But you're also very giving. And you're higly supported by your Guides and Angels and ancestors too. I think you know about your worth as a spiritual being, about your worth as a soul that brings light into this world but at times you tend to forget that or you happen to have many spiritual awakenings (and tower moments) that may mine your beliefs and self confidence. Reconnect with your body and listen to it. I know it sounds weird cause we're mentioning about spiritual things (we're gonna talk more specifically about this side in another color's reading I hear) but our bodies hold many more answers than we're aware of. For example your body may show you through tiredness how hard your soul is working to change, how much you're changing inside without being aware. Give your body rest when this happens. If you're having specific physical needs, try to meet them. There's nothing wrong. Touch and caress yourself, explore yourself, meditate inside and outside. Don't grow separated from your body (as it may happen when you concentrate too much on your inside world and maybe healing too). Remember to hug yourself and compliment yourself on your look and your abilities everytime you can. Don't let yourself grow thirsty for compliments and accolades, you deserve them, start giving them to yourself anytime you need, anytime you realize you've done something worth of that (and it could even be just getting out of bed on a tough day: it doesn't have to be anything "big", what we consider little things are big too if we put under the right light -see yourself as you'd see a friend). Also never be too harsh on you, look at all you've done: your worth never depends on a single bad day, be lighter. Get closer to you with love. Be more curious about who you are on all levels, especially be more curious about your body, do not separate from it. Again, know and listen to your body and don't be scared of it and what is telling you. Do not keep it at a distance, it's part of you. It always tells you about how you do on a mental level too: bodies can help you let our emotions and feelings out; in fact, if we store them inside without acknowledging them, our bodies will feel that. And they may even start hurting (eg. think about anxiety and how your stomach may feel bloated during an attack). Try to always acknowledge your feelings and what you go through, so to be more positive and of help to yourself. And to others too, if you need. Try to let go of stress as much as you can. And yes, I mean in that way too. Try to balance yourself more between physical and mental/soul state. You're already a blessing for everyone able to meet you, be it for yourself too.

song: back at one | brian mcknight

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pile 3

[it's gonna be a little nsfw -just the topic itself-, so up to you if you want to read it or not: I'm just leaving this here phrased in the most general way cause this reading is for everyone] You may have fears or insecurities revolving around the physical aspects of love. It could be something you don't want to deal with consciously or unconsciously (maybe cause of a trauma/fear of intimacy/self doubts...), or are afraid of cause you're unexperienced (and you may fear others' judgement). I want to remind you that it's up to you if to get there/open that door, and know that side of yours without being scared of it and understand why you're seeing it as "negative"/"dirty" (maybe because of your upbringing) or just plainly avoid that because you don't feel ready (yet/at all, maybe something happened and you need to stay away from it, that's fine as long as it doesn't hurt you -if it does, seek help please). It's okay. It's only your choice, if the case, also how you wanna experience it, when and why. Do not let anyone tell you what it is about or how you should behave/think about it ever. It's your own personal world until you willingly decide to share it with someone cause you trust them/you feel like or any other reason. Take your time. Do not let anything or anyone rush you into it. Remember that not because your friends (or this person you like) have already experienced something in that area while you haven't, you should feel any less. You're you and you're perfectly fine even if you don't want to deal with that yet/at all (no matter your age: you have time, don't worry you will never get to experience that cause of how others will see you; if someone loves you and craves you they will not care about your experience). You are lovable anyway, however you are and whatever you believe in. And you can love who you want to (this reminder esp. for the lgbtq+ people here feeling caged by others), you can try anything you want to to. Nobody can judge you or your decisions/choices or story. Just take time to know yourself, whenever you'll feel like. You're a very funny, joyful, giving, gentle and also adventurous person and it's beautiful to be with you, to spend time with you not just as lovers. You don't have to change anything unless you really feel that need (but not to please anyone else). And remember to always change at your own pace and for yourself. You can choose which kind of adventures to sail on and when/how. If someone wants to rush you into something and kinda triggers you or wants you to choose fast, it's never for your good but only theirs. Never regret saying no and choosing yourself first. Never fear being judged by someone that can wait for you and give you space and helps you, never fear being judged by yourself either (do not pick up others/society's words, they're not you). And remember others judge you only because they project their fears and false beliefs onto you, they aren't judging the real you (they can't). Let them talk and move to someone better. Move back to yourself. Lastly (not sure for who, but it came up...): never compare to those movies/actresses/actors/models, those are just society's expectations or movies indeed. IRL all is different. You're hot as you are for any lover of yours. Believe in your power, it's all about confidence in yourself (even pretended until you really believe it): that's the only trick you need to know as you're already perfect. Take a breath.

song: sometimes | ariana grande

#pac #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pick a card readings #pick a picture #pick a photo #pick a card #divination #clairs readings #free tarot reading #tarot readings #intuitive readings #psychic readings #pac reading

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whumpinggrounds · 1 year

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Writing Wheelchair Users

Hello hello hello it’s another Disability Writing Guide from me! As always, this is a general guide gleaned from my personal experience of working with, taking classes on, researching, and having friends in disabled communities. This is writing advice, not a primer on disability justice (although I’m always happy to talk about disability justice).

Okay. Disclaimer over. Onto the writing advice.

Different Types of Wheelchairs

Before you write a character that uses a wheelchair, you need to know why they need the chair. Different disabilities mean different types of chairs. Some questions to get you thinking -

Manual chairs: Are they temporarily disabled, or is this long-term? Is the chair for indoor and outdoor use? What different types of terrain will the chair need to navigate? Is the person active and able to move themselves, or would someone else be pushing the chair? What kind of postural support does this person need? Can they transfer themselves in and out of the chair?

This guide is helpful for figuring out some of the options that are available and why a person might need them. Please do the research to ensure the type of chair you pick makes sense for the disability you’re writing about. Do not pick a chair based on aesthetics, or avoid a chair because some of the functions seem complicated.

Power wheelchairs: Many of the same questions apply about posture, indoor/outdoor use, and types of terrain. Ability to move oneself does not apply, nor does temporary disability or transferring ability.

How is the chair steered? If someone doesn’t have strong fingers, joysticks can be ultra sensitive. I’ve seen a chair that someone steered with her head, and have heard of chairs that are steered by tongues. Just because someone has very limited mobility doesn’t mean they can’t be independently mobile to some extent.

If the character does a lot of work with their hands, it may make sense for the chair to have a tray for them to work on. This is more common in power chairs than in manual chairs.

Not a question, but power wheelchairs generally have a top speed between 5-10 mph, with the average on the lower end of that scale. Sometimes they can be made to go faster, but that’s generally not useful for the person using the chair, and can damage the chair itself. Before you make your character’s wheelchair insanely powerful and fast, please think about if that makes sense for your setting, your character, and their disability. It’s fun, but it’s pretty unrealistic, and wheelchair users hear enough jokes about them “running people over.”

I know there are fancy wheelchairs out there that like, go up and down stairs. These are unreasonably expensive and never really work the way they say they do. If you want your character to be realistic, be extremely cautious about them having the latest and greatest mobility tech.

All wheelchairs are expensive. That being said, power wheelchairs are much more expensive. The more features it has, the newer it is, and the more customized to a person’s needs, the more expensive it will be.

Wheelchair Etiquette

I think I get a lot more disability stuff on my social media because I talk and think and read about it more, so I’m going to start with the very basics. I apologize if it’s repetitive or I’m being unnecessarily detailed!

Do not lean on a person’s chair. Do not have other characters lean on a character’s chair. If they are close friends, maybe, but generally speaking, a wheelchair should be treated as an extension of someone’s body - because it is. So no leaning, sitting on, or pushing it without being explicitly asked.

Also, of course, people who use wheelchairs have fun just like everyone else. Some people do let others ride on the backs of their chairs, or try stupid things just to see what happens. A character’s willingness to do this should be consistent with their personality, and the fact that their chair is likely a very expensive and medically necessary piece of mobility equipment.

Do not use a wheelchair outside its intended purpose. See the above points - it’s an extension of someone’s body, it’s expensive, and it represents someone’s mobility and independence. Shouldn’t be used for moving things or other people. Again, there can be exceptions to this.

Do not refer to someone by their mobility aid. Some people are fine being referred to as wheelchair users. Others prefer “person who uses a wheelchair.” Do not ever call someone “wheelchair guy,” “wheelchair woman,” or “wheelchair person.” A wheelchair is something you use. It is not what you are.

People customize their wheelchairs in a lot of ways. Obvious ways are stickers, colors, ribbons, etc, but customization can also be a tote bag with necessities hanging off the back, a particular cushion, or blanket.

Do not move someone else’s wheelchair without their permission. Firstly, no one should even touch a wheelchair without permission. Secondly, moving a wheelchair means its owner may not be able to find it or transfer into it when the time comes. Last, many people don’t like to be separated from their chair, or to have it leave their sight. It’s an extension of their body. They don’t want it disappearing somewhere they can’t follow.

Treat wheelchairs with care. This underlies everything I’ve written, but it’s worth saying explicitly. In my opinion, it would be unrealistic to have a wheelchair user and/or their friends be careless or reckless with their mobility equipment. Once again - it is expensive, it is their mobility, and it can take a long time to replace or fix.

This ties into the above point, but not all wheelchairs are created equal. They are not interchangeable. Their functions are usually tailored as much as possible to the person that uses them, and that makes a big difference in someone’s comfort, mobility, and independence.

Do not talk down to wheelchair users. This has several meanings. The first is to not be condescending, ever. The second is that some wheelchair users prefer that able-bodied people crouch or sit to speak to them, so they’re at a more equivalent level. Others find this condescending, so proceed with caution and when in doubt, ask. Do not bend over to speak to someone, or tower over them, forcing them to crane their neck. Both of these are always considered poor form.

Wheelchair users do not need, and often do not want, to share their diagnoses. If this character is a major part of your story, their diagnosis and its particulars will affect much of what they do, so please have a specific diagnosis in mind. If they’re a smaller character, or speaking to another character, they may not discuss the particulars of their life or diagnosis, and that’s okay. No one needs to explain their disability, visible or invisible.

Do not use the word cr*pple. Some wheelchair users may use it to describe themselves, especially to other disabled people. As an abled person myself, I would not presume to use that word and I would recommend others do not either.

People are not “wheelchair bound” or “confined to a wheelchair.” People tend to really appreciate the freedom and increased mobility that their wheelchair provides.

Other Considerations

People who don’t have mobility in their extremities often don’t have great circulation in their extremities, either. This means people can get cold much faster than able-bodied counterparts.

People with poor circulation develop extremely sensitive feet. Feet being bumped or even just brushed can be painful.

A character may use a wheelchair and be able to walk, or may use a wheelchair and cannot walk. Either way, they can and almost certainly do still wear shoes.

People with low mobility, or anyone sitting in a wheelchair for hours at a time, need to be shifted and moved, or their weight redistributed, so they don’t develop pressure sores over places where bone is close to the skin (hips, wrists, ankles if lying down). This is non-negotiable. Your wheelchair user character will not be able to stay in the same position for six hours and be okay, no matter how padded their chair might be.

Your wheelchair user’s feet should not really be touching the ground, unless they’re in a hospital chair and it is a short-term situation. All wheelchairs come with footrests, and feet are kept elevated on a footplate. It is hard to hold your feet up continuously while moving, and there’s no real reason to do it that way.

Ableism is real, and it permeates every public, private, and internal space in the real world. If a space has stairs and no ramp, your wheelchair user character can’t enter. If the sidewalk is broken or steep, a wheelchair user may struggle to navigate. If a venue is accessible but the bathroom isn’t, a disabled character may not feel comfortable being there for long stretches of time. If your characters are going to a bar, likely it’s too high for your wheelchair using character to order. If your character uses a powerchair and is going somewhere overnight, there’d better be a place to charge their chair. Even if you’re writing in a fantasy setting, think about what it would mean for your imagined world to actually be fully accessible. If the world you’re writing in isn’t fully accessible, think about what that means for your characters, what impact it has on them, and what they have to navigate to be out in the world.

Lastly, and very importantly, make your character’s disability consistent. If your character is entirely paralyzed below the waist, you’re going to have to think about how they use the bathroom. It may not come up explicitly in your story, but it will absolutely affect the way the character behaves, where they feel comfortable going, and who with. Do not give your character zero lower body mobility and then refuse to think about bathrooming and sexual function. It is really, really disappointing to see people write disabled characters and then avoid the aspects of disability that they may find distasteful, distressing, or too difficult to think about. Okay one more time:

Many wheelchair users have sex. All wheelchair users need to use the bathroom. You don’t have to write about it, but you should think about what it looks like for your character. You’re writing a full disabled person, not an otherwise abled person whose legs don’t work. You’re also not writing a person whose entire personality is their wheelchair and thus cannot be in any kind of sexual relationship. Figure it out.

More Mobility Aids

A person with partial ability to walk may have a wheelchair and a cane, or arm crutches for when they’re able to be more mobile.

A mobility scooter is a possible alternative to a wheelchair if your character has higher mobility and transfer ability but can’t travel long distances. This is a good choice for someone who can get in and out of a wheelchair with ease and has upper body mobility with limited lower body mobility, but can’t self-propel over long distances.

A Hoyer lift is a mechanical lift used to move people with low mobility in and out of their wheelchairs. It is often unrealistic to have a person transfer someone else alone. It is almost always a two person job, and that still puts a lot of strain on the caregiver’s body.

A transfer belt is a very low cost, specially designed belt that makes transferring safer. Its primary purpose is to give caregivers something to hold onto besides a person’s body, which is safer for both parties. A transfer belt is only used when the person being transferred can stand and take at least a few steps mostly on their own.

Service dogs can be trained to open doors, retrieve items, or assist with disabilities that may not relate to the inability to walk.

Hospital beds may be used for characters with limited mobility. The heads and feet of these beds can be lifted or lowered, along with the entire bed. This aids in transferring, as well as shifting weight and position so that bedsores do not develop.

Wheelchair accessible cars or vans are great tools for independence. They’re also incredibly expensive. A van that is equipped to transport wheelchairs will have ports to anchor the chair and straps. A more sophisticated van that would allow the wheelchair user themselves to drive is usually customized to the user’s ability and needs, and even more incredibly expensive.

Caregivers I am including as mobility aid(e)s. They are trained professionals, although family members and friends can also be caregivers. Often a caregiver will be a CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) and will be trained to help with physical needs and ADLs (Activities of Daily Living). This ranges from transferring and bathing to feeding, brushing teeth, and massage. A CNA is not able to provide any care that breaks the skin (injections, IVs), treat injuries, or dispense any medication (this includes over the counter meds). A registered nurse would be needed to perform any of these things.

Media with Wheelchair Users

I will be honest, I have a lot of memoir recommendations, but movies and TV mostly escape me. I’ll do my best! As always, I am sticking to things I personally have read or watched.

Sitting Pretty by Rebekah Taussig is a memoir by a young wheelchair user. It discusses ableism, disability, and independence.

A Body, Undone by Christina Crosby is a memoir by a queer woman who acquired a disability partway through her life. It deals with her adaptation to her life and reflects on mobility, independence, and the body.

Being Heumann by Judith Heumann is a memoir by a prominent disabled woman and activist. She tells her life story and describes the crucial work she did in working for disability rights in America.

Care Work by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Sanarasinha is a collection of essays by a multiply disabled, queer femme-aligned person of color. They include reflections on disability justice, disabled futures, and many aspects of disabled lives.

Demystifying Disability by Emily Landau is an all-purpose primer on many different types of disability and how to talk about them. It’s an intro to ideas surrounding disability.

Disability Visibility by Alice Wong is a collection of essays by many different disabled people about their lives and views on disability. It covers many different types of disability, and among the authors are some wheelchair users, including prominent late activist Harriet McBryde Johnson.

Spoiler alert: In the later seasons of Bones, though I don’t know exactly when, a main character acquires a disability that means he uses a wheelchair. He struggles with internalized ableism and difficult emotions surrounding disability in a limited but thoughtful portrayal.

Me Before You is bad disability representation. Both the book and the movie are bad representation. Happy to talk about this in DMs if you do not understand why. Do not use it as positive rep or research.

#disability writing guide #writing disabled characters #writing disability #disability #disability justice #writing advice #writing wheelchair users #how to write wheelchair users #wheelchair users

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BLINDING ㅤ gangster! fushiguro toji x fem! reader — smut + slight fluff [ 7.5k+ wc ] cws mentions of death & of reader being shot + age gap + marking + oral (f) + fingering + handjob + creampie ! MDNI

ㅤfushiguro toji was a man feared by most — you, however, didn't seem the smallest bit scared of him, your apparent bravery clearly intriguing to him.

fushiguro toji was a name capable of making anyone that knew it's carrier shudder.

it was feared, a fright engraved sign that terrorized the poor people who knew what it symbolized — who knew what the person that beared it did for a living, who knew all the barbarities the man who proudly announced it whenever asked for identification had done in the past. it was comical, almost, how those few letters paired together were able to make a whole town bend immediately under the most absurd of requests without questioning any of it, and if he was being completely honest, toji enjoyed the power he knew he carried a bit too much, enjoyed knowing every order he spat out would be obeyed, knowing everyone under his command — and also everyone who at the very least knew what he was capable of — would never even dream of going against his will. watching people scurry away to comply with his requests gave him an addicting power rush, something he would never give up, already grown a bit too accustomed to it — and because of all that, because of the way he was treated, of the way he was expected to be treated, he thought of you as someone amusing, someone he despised, and yet, couldn’t help but be drawn to.

you were daring, a self-proclaimed brat who didn’t take anyone’s shit — not even fushiguro toji’s. most would call that a mistake, call you a fool and maybe even assume you had a death wish to act in such a way — you, however, apparently saw it as nothing more than something essential, saying that a man like him should know that not everyone fears him, that not everyone crumbles under his intense stare and that not everyone feels the need to oblige him just because of who he is. you always insisted that if fushiguro toji wanted your respect he would have to earn it, and although what it was expect out of that reaction was to immediately have a big target sign permanently inked into your forehead until someone finally hit it’s middle as a way to teach not only you but anyone who dared to consider following your footsteps a lesson — the only thing you gained in response were mocking scoffs and disregarding side looks. the fact that fushiguro toji hadn’t put a bullet between your eyes yet was a miracle, but that also didn’t mean that he respected or feared you in anyway — he just knew that you were harmless, and although your behavior was annoying at times and most definitely wouldn’t be accepted if it came from anyone else, he thought it was funny and so, in prol of his own entertainment, he allowed you to simply roam around freely, giving you the attention you so obviously seeked whenever he deemed necessary, secretly enjoying having a pretty little thing like you following him around without a single strike of fear coursing through you. it was a privilege you, for some unknown reason, had gained, a type of immunity that other people could only dream of carrying. you were aware of it, obviously. you knew toji saw something in you he didn’t see in others, that he let you get away with stuff not even his right-hand man would be allowed to — but that only made you want to test him even more, want to take him to his limits and see where that would land you, see if he would ever snap on you and finally put an end to whatever you two had going on, if he would ever even apply any other punishments he deemed fitting, or if he would just allow you to continue going on.

“you’re getting old, toji. your hearing’s starting to fail you”

a grin was plastered on the man’s expression, scarred lips curled ever so slightly upwards as he kept walking, not acknowledging your presence by his side with any sort of look, taking him a few moments to even reply to your statement.

“it’s exactly because my hearing isn’t failing me that you don’t have a gun pulled up to your head right now” he stated, hands stuffing themselves deeper into his coat’s pocket as he kept walking, strides long and fast as he made no attempt to adjust to your pace, expecting you to be able to accompany his.

“are you saying you know it’s me just by the sound of my footsteps? a bit obsessed, aren’t ya?”

“you’re the only brat who’d ever dare to sneak up on me like that in broad daylight” he retorted right away, only then sparing you a look before continuing. “and you’re not as sneaky as you think you are, i know you’ve been following me since i left my house”

his statement made your cheeks burn — not that you showed it, gaze averting to the opposite side of the street as you let out a scoff, admitting defeat silently, even considering simply walking away, before being stopped by toji’s voice.

“what does a pretty thing like yourself even want with an old man like me anyways? trying to rebel against your family by getting into my bed? or maybe you really just are a little perv who likes to follow men old enough to be your daddy around, who knows”

“as if i’d ever get into your bed, you’re out of your mind” you replied right away, looking up at him with furrowed brows, lips pressed into a thin line as if mimicking pure outrage.

“then if you don’t wanna get adopted, you should stop following me around like a lost kitten”

your meetings with fushiguro toji were always like that — some harmless bickering that could either remain just that or escalate into some more heated argument. you hated how his words were always coated in truth, how he could read you well enough to know details about you that you had never told a soul or even realized yourself — toji hated how you made him feel, bringing a type of innocence and youth into his life that he sometimes missed. maybe that was exactly why he allowed you to go around doing whatever you pleased, any other excuses he could give mostly meaningless, but he would rather not think about the topic, staying by the statement that the only reason he kept you around was for his own personal enjoyment, nothing more, nothing less. he did, however, sometimes wonder why you even stuck around. most people never did, leaving as soon as they could the moment they realized that the tales that were spread around surrounding his name were, in fact, more than true, the infamous character carrying a heavy past with him, way more baggage than anyone would ever dare purposefully bring into their life. toji never resented them, merciful enough to acknowledge that he was doing them a favor by allowing them to walk away, never getting hurt over such foolish instances. that, however, didn’t go to say that he didn’t sometimes wish someone would stick around. toji had never been a romantic person, the romance gene not running through any part of his body, but that didn’t mean he didn’t sometimes crave the affection of someone else — he was only human after all, even if he sometimes didn’t look or act like the part. fushiguro toji also wasn’t a selfless person, he never put others before him and his line of work was enough to prove it — but when it came to matters of the heart, he was somehow a bit softer than usual, even if he would never admit to such statement. he wasn’t a good person, he knew that, but he also didn’t dislike who he was, didn’t regret any of the things he had done and didn’t plan on stopping himself from repeating the same mistakes over and over again in his future — but exactly because of all that, he knew what getting involved with him entailed, knew how life ruining it could be if the wrong person was caught up in the wrong situation and so, only towards those who crossed his path by mistake and didn’t belong in any way to his world, he would show them a bit of mercy, would let them get away before they could get hurt or, even worst, end up six-feet under — the fact that most of those people were the ones who he would occasionally share a bed with a simple coincidence, he assumed.

you did wonder why that was, though. you didn’t know any details — no one besides toji himself did — but you knew he purposefully never kept any lovers around. you knew he was charming enough to make someone stick by his side willingly, and in your mind, leaving because of what he did for a living didn’t make much sense. maybe you were just too innocent to understand, maybe even more oblivious than you thought when it came to his work affairs, but you didn’t understand why a man so powerful as him was still alone, still didn’t have someone to warm his bed or someone he could take his frustration out on. your face always warmed up when your mind fell into that loophole, pure thoughts coated in an undeserving layer of empathy quickly growing into lust filled ones, guilt immediately warming your cheeks whenever you realized where your mind had drifted to. it wasn’t on purpose, you didn’t mean to feel that way, knowing toji was not only completely out of your reach based on the age difference, but also because his name itself was enough for you to get disowned on the spot if it ever came up over family dinner that you were romantically involved with him in any way, shape or form. you preferred ignoring those feelings rather than acknowledging them anyways, assuming that if you forced yourself to despise the man enough then you would grow out of them — but that never happened, didn’t matter how many fights you picked with him or how many times you tried to force into your mind that he was a despicable person, you just couldn’t bring yourself to despise toji enough to want to create a significant distance between you two. he was an awful human being, so why were you so attracted to him? why were you so attracted to a man more than a decade older than you, a man who found joy in mocking you, a man who would never want anything to do with a girl like you. it didn’t make sense, you yourself couldn’t find any plausible reason for it — so going with your current lie that you wanted to put him in his place was your best option, pretending you didn’t feel anything but spite for him a better alternative than admitting to yourself that there was more to it.

“what makes you think you can sit there?”

toji’s deep voice made you laugh to yourself, green eyes staying focused on the paper document pressed between his rough fingertips as he kept on reading it, free hand stuck in time as it stood up in the air without moving, a fork steadied in its embrace.

“this is a public place i-”

“it’s also completely empty. go sit somewhere else” he retorted, interrupting you before you could even get half of your sentence out, tone cold and disregarding, showing he didn’t plan on giving you any more attention than he already had — unfortunately for him, though, you were persistent, knowing how to act so you could sneak yourself into people’s mind, making them have no option but to focus on you.

“i like this table, i always sit here” you state, mindlessly looking around the whole space, noting how not even the staff was in that specific room of the prestiged restaurant anymore, probably somewhere hidden away in the back or dispersed throughout the rest of the establishment. you never understood why toji did this, why he felt the need to close a whole section off just so he could eat all by himself. you couldn’t come up with any reasonable explanation — not only for that, but also for the fact that you were the only customer apart from him that was allowed to get into that reserved area while he was doing so, everybody else sent away to find another table to sit at.

“why do you always eat alone?” you decided to question after a few moments of pure silence, hearing as the man sitting opposite of you sighed before putting the white sheet down, fork finally going to his mouth as he took a bit of his, now mostly cold, food, chewing it slowly while raising his eyes to you, gaze visibly annoyed.

“because i like the silence” he replied simply, words scarce but enough for you to know that, even though you had for some reason been allowed in there, he wasn’t particularly pleased with your presence. he wasn’t always like this, he would sometimes play along with you and let you join in without arguing too much — today, however, he seemed to lean more onto the choice of putting up a bit of a fight.

“you’re in a mood today” you pouted, sitting back in your chair while still maintaining eye contact, watching closely as toji let out yet another tired sigh, lips pressed together before he was looking down into his plate, continuing to eat.

“are you here to eat or are you just gonna watch?”

“there aren’t any waiters here, you’ve scared them away”

“i’ll call them”

you laughed shortly at his words, dismissing them with a simple “don’t need to, i’m not hungry” before changing into a more comfortable position, watching as toji finished his food and picked up his napkin, passing it over his mouth before also sitting back, intense stare now completely focused on your figure.

“what are you here to do then?”

“i already told you, this is a public place, i can be here if i want to”

“don’t you have friends or something? a boyfriend?” toji asked, moving his, now empty, plate to the side in favor of plopping his elbows on the table, hands silently collapsing together as he moved closer to you. “how come you’re always at the same places as i am?”

“are you implying i’m stalking you, old man?”

“i wouldn’t put it beyond a brat like you to do it”

“i think that whole gangster thing you have going on has finally started messing with your brain. you’re imagining too much, has your paranoia finally gotten the best of you?”

“i’m not paranoid” he replied, watching attentively as you also propped your elbows on the tabletop.

“then why do you always carry a gun?”

your question seemed to catch toji off guard, a grin suddenly surfacing on his expression as he scoffed, looking away for a second before focusing on you again. “you know what my job is, right?” he asked, watching as you nodded before continuing. “then why are ‘ya asking me such a stupid question?”

“was hoping you could give me a more interesting reply”

“is my career not interesting enough to you?” toji’s tone suddenly changed to an intrigued one, eyes squinting ever so slightly as they focused deeper on you, awaiting your response.

“i don’t think killing people for a living is interesting. it’s a bad thing, actually”

“that’s not the only thing that i do, but okay. if you’re so knowledgeable about my job, though, why do you keep following me, then? aren’t you a bit scared?”

“that you'll kill me? not really”

“why not? you don’t know when i’ll flip and finally pull my gun on you, you should probably be more careful” toji continued, scarred lips twisting into a smirk as he moved one of his hands out of its place in front of him, observing attentively as you watched it go backwards, towards the inside of his coat — the place where his weapon was stored away, as per usual.

“i know you won’t do it” you answered, tongue swiping over your bottom lip as you gazed back at him, a silent sigh of relief leaving you when you saw his hand go back to being on top of the table, empty just like before. you knew he would never actually harm you — but then again, with fushiguro toji you could never truly be sure.

“think you have some sort of immunity other people don’t, sweetheart? think pretty highly of yourself, don’t ‘ya?”

“it’s all your fault, or do you think i don’t notice the way your men look at me? i know you’re the one stopping them from killing me anytime i come a bit too close. if it wasn’t for your weird favoritism towards me, old man, i’d already be dead, wouldn’t i?”

toji laughed at you, getting up and stuffing his hands into his fitted pants’ pockets as he walked closer to you, easily towering over your sitting form, looking down at you while still carrying his usual grin, gazing at you for a few moments before finally speaking again.

“such a know-it-all, aren’t ‘ya?” he asked rhetorically, one hand moving, touch calculated as it paused under your chin, rough fingers somehow softer than expected as they pressed into your chin with a gentleness you would have never predicted to come from someone like him, forcing you to look up carefully. “is that why you always follow me around, then? because you think you’re special to me?”

you swallowed dryly, all of a sudden feeling small when under the spotlight, when toji was looking — and touching — you in such a manner. still, you managed to force a sly smirk into your expression, staying still while answering with a simple:

“am i not?”

the scoff that followed your words made your heart flutter, a reaction you couldn’t fully reason — maybe it gave you some sort of hope that you subconsciously craved, or maybe the fact that he didn’t deny your words right away made you feel giddier than you could have ever expected to.

“i think you know the exact answer to that, don’t you, sweetheart?”

you didn’t — or at least back then, you felt like you didn’t.

you weren’t sure what made him change his mind that day, but after that single encounter, toji finally seemed to accept something within himself that not even he seemed completely aware that he was denying. his replies were still snarky, words never fully showing their actual meaning directly, always leaving some sort of doubt between them as if on purpose, as if he was full on trying to confuse you even more — but he also became more open about not actually minding having you around, once in awhile asking you to stay a bit longer if he wasn’t busy, enjoying how visibly flustered you always got, and even sometimes taking the initiative and going after you instead of always waiting for you to find his location and show up by his side. they were all small steps, differences that took time to fully develop and become apparent, but they eventually did, the progress on your relationship apparent even to the ones who didn’t pay any sort of attention to it.

“are ‘ya already leaving? gonna leave me here all alone?”

those two questions made you smile, because even if toji’s tone was as sarcastic and mocking as ever, his choice of words was sweet. “i assumed you prefered working alone, old man” you said as you sat back down on your cushioned chair, right across from toji’s large, wooden desk, getting comfortable in your seat while looking at him.

“i do”

you hummed at his reply, ignoring the questions it brought up in favor of simply looking around for a second, turning towards him again a moment later. “people are starting to talk, you know?”

“about what?” he asked, not seeming truly interested in whatever you were rambling about, green eyes staying focused on the papers scattered all over the top of his desk, cigarette still lazily hanging off his scarred lips, fingers barely touching it.

“about… about us, i guess”

“so there’s an us now? i didn’t know you liked me this much, sweetheart” toji joked, voice slightly muffled as he looked up at you, picking up whatever was left of his cigarette and moving it towards the ashtray placed near him as he watched you shrink on yourself, looking down ashamed before letting out a deep breath, finally gaining enough courage to stare back up at him.

“i’m being serious. there’s a few rumors going around that… that you’re…”

“that i’m what? ’m curious now”

you huffed at him, rolling your eyes before finally speaking, words coming out faster and in a more flustered manner than you had anticipated.

“that you’re fucking me!”

toji choked out a laugh when he heard your reply, eyes widening in surprise and teeth sinking into his bottom lip for a mere second, pulling at the sensitive skin before he spoke up again.

“you’d like that, wouldn’t ‘ya?” he asked, laughter still lost somewhere in his voice as he stared intensely into your eyes, almost as if looking forward to your response.

you didn’t respond, though, that one of the rare moments you chose staying silent over lashing back at him with a snarky response, too flustered to even muster up anything worthy of saying in such a moment. for some reason, toji also didn’t insist for you to deliver an answer, chuckling to himself before picking up his cigarette again, placing it between his lips once more while murmuring a low “i think that’s enough of an answer for me” and continuing to work, devilish smirk lingering on his face for a bit longer than it should have.

you didn’t insist on the topic again, regretting even bringing it up at all. you hoped toji would also do the same at least for a while since, if he had been so generous at that moment to let it die out without any other comments, maybe he would just forget about it as a whole and pretend it was something he didn’t care about. very obviously, you were wrong, because if one of fushiguro toji’s small pleasures in life was to leave pretty things like you all flustered with teasing words and simple touches, there was no way he would miss such a perfect opportunity to enjoy himself a bit more than he should be allowed to.

“i should head back home, it’s getting late”

a week had already passed since the first incident, and miraculously, the topic of that conversation had yet to be brought back up again. you could sense you were walking on thin ice, having already noticed that even if he hadn’t been as straight forwards as you were that time, toji had been hinting at possibly bringing it back more recurrently over the past few days.

“i’ll take you home in a bit, just wait there” he replied, a simple look at his clock letting him know that a pretty girl like you probably shouldn’t be going around alone at such an hour even if it wasn’t even past 10pm yet — the fact that the burning sun was already long gone from its place up in the sky enough for him to want think twice before letting you walk around alone when he could accompany you.

“it’s okay, old man. i can defend myself, you know” you said with a laugh lingering behind your words, getting up from your chair and pushing it back to its place near the wooden desk displayed in the middle of toji’s office before starting to walk towards the door at the back of the room, going to wave at him while saying a simple goodbye before being abruptly interrupted.

“i told you to stay and i’ll take you home in a bit. be a good girl and obey” toji’s words made you choke, eyes widening as you turned from your spot halfway through the path you were following as you looked at him incredulous, noticing how he seemed as relaxed as ever, still bent over his work and as focused on it as before, as if he had spoken on automatic mode and hadn’t paid any particular attention to what he had spitted out.

“i’m- okay” you stuttered as you made your way back, sitting in your previous spot silently, fire burning behind your cheeks in an almost painful manner as you looked down, the few minutes you stayed there feeling like an eternity, leaving you so caught up in your own thoughts that you only noticed toji was getting up when the sound of his chair screeching against the floor echoed through the room, making you jump in your seat as you looked up surprised.

he laughed at you, his feet staying glued to their place in the ground as he looked down at your sitting figure, chuckling when he asked “are you really that flustered because of what i said? i’ve told you worst”

“‘m not!” you retorted in your best dismissive tone, getting up just as quickly as he did and preparing to once more walk out before his voice stopped you a second time.

“nuh-uh. stay right there, sweetheart” toji said in an authoritative tone, watching intensively the way you silently gulped as he took small strides to stand closer to you, taking the spot by your side while placing both hands on your shoulders, turning you towards him. you didn’t look into his eyes, though, which prompted him to press a single finger under your chin, moving your head so you ignored the floor under you in favor of staring at him.

“you like it when i say you’re a good girl, hm? my good girl?”

toji’s tone was swirled in something you had never heard coming from him before, voice deeper than usual and with a certain tenderness you hadn’t ever received from him before, somehow. the way his green eyes bore into yours was also new, a distinct gloss similar to what you could only assume was lust coating them hungrily, growing a shade darker while staying glued to yours.

“i want you to answer me, baby” he continued, the new pet name sending shivers down your spine, cheeks boiling hotter, heart drumming against your chest impossibly harder and a pit forming in your lower stomach, making you sink into a spiral of emotions you didn’t know you could control if fully let loose — specially if toji was the one pulling the strings to allow them to fly free.

“i do” you muttered simply, hands timid as they slowly landed on his broad chest, the feeling of the soft material under your touch being calming in a way — the way you could sense his steady heartbeat under your right palm mocking but also stabilizing, a silent signal of security that helped you in being able to calm your unsteady one.

“good… good”

toji was, surprisingly, the one who broke the eye contact, eyes adverting from yours to look down your body, staying focused on your waist as his hands traveled there, holding your sides securely and, therefore, keeping you in place, scarred lips curling ever so slightly at the way his huge palms managed to dwarf you.

“you know i like you, right, sweetheart?”

that was the first he was admitting such a thing, the way his sentence was laced in a questioning tone making your thighs tremble for a second before pressing together ever so slightly, the meaning behind his words finally sorting its awaited effect on you.

“you know that i treat you in a special way, that i like you more than i like the rest” he continued, left hand going upwards and stopping by your neck, fingers reaching into your hair to throw it behind your shoulder, exposing the sensitive skin completely to him. his touch against you left a tingling sensation behind, the way his gaze burned into you not helping in any way — and the moment you watched him inch closer only making everything worse.

toji’s movement were languid, calculated as if asking for permission when he finally leaned completely into you, plush lips pressing into your sensitive flesh, leaving a shallow peck on the side of your neck right under your ear, following it by another one on your jaw, humming against your skin when he pressed a third one right over your throat, teeth grazing the area for the first time as if he wanted to mark it but stopped himself last minute. your body had instinctively tensed up when under him like that — not because you were uncomfortable, but because you enjoyed his touch a bit too much, having to force yourself to not let out any sounds each time he kissed you so carefully.

“i tried to pretend i didn’t for a while, but you’re just too alluring” he confessed, lips now ghosting yours, begging to finally kiss you properly. “you know what strings to pull to drive me mad. you know how to look at me to make me go insane, how to talk so i do exactly what you want” he continued, placing his warm hands on your cheeks, cradling them while staring at your quivering lips shamelessly. “you annoyed me at first, but now, i don’t think i can go without touching you for much longer”

that was the end of it, the moment that both of you finally snapped and moved hungrily against one another. toji’s fingers dipped harsher into your skin, your own curling around the material of his shirt as you crashed into each other at the same time, mouths closing together in a desperate lock, fitting perfectly against one another as if they had been designed exactly for that.

he tasted like cigarettes, a faint taste of mint lost somewhere along his lips — both of those infiltrating all your senses overwhelmingly, sharing the same intensity somehow. the kiss was desperate, not taking long before his tongue was bullying its way into your mouth, swiping across yours, craving to take you whole as soon as possible. it left you both breathless, the piled up lust you had for each other finally spilling over and taking command of all your actions — no words needing to be said for you two to know exactly what you wanted to do next, falling into perfect sync even without meaning to do so. toji’s hands pulled you impossibly closer to him, keeping your bodies glued as he guided you backwards, making you softly bump into his desk. he moved away from you in that moment, sliding to your side and abruptly putting everything on top of the wood to its edge before going back to his prior position, eagerly initiating a new kiss but, this time, while pulling you up slightly, making you sit on his desk, spreading your legs wide right after so he could stand between them, towering over you in an almost intimidating manner.

as curiosity blended perfectly with lust and took the best of you, your fingers started to fiddle with the buttons of his shirt, clumsily undoing them one by one until you were pushing the material off his broad shoulders, making sure to touch every bit of newly exposed skin you could, feeling over his protruding collarbones before moving onto caressing over the defined muscles under the expanse of his skin, fingers grazing him ever so slightly as you dragged them down his toned arms.

“such a curious little kitty, aren’t ‘ya?” toji joked, breaking the kiss and taking a small step back, fully undressing himself from the waist up before throwing the article of clothing into a random corner of the room. he watched with a smirk the way your eyes traveled down his torso, taking in his built before focusing on his deep green emeralds, your own gaze glinting with a silent request, begging him to be as bold as you had just been, to touch you the way he wanted to, treat you whichever way he deemed fitting. “but i’m worst”

his touch turned ever so slightly rougher in that moment, impossibly more desperate — if that was even possible — as he pulled your top off, latching onto your neck right after, lips wrapping around and sucking on your skin before his teeth were sinking into it, a helpless whine leaving you as you felt his tongue run over the small area, a string of saliva connecting to his mouth as he pulled back, repeating the same act down into your collarbones until he was reaching your chest, bites more careful when they moved onto your breasts. when he eventually pulled back, wanting to appreciate the indents his teeth had left littered all over you, toji gripped the straps of your bra, not even caring to fully remove the piece of underwear from your body, simply pulling it down to rest wrapped around your middle, pushing the thin bands down your arms before gripping the cups to fully conclude what he intended to do, immediately leaning down to suck on your nipples as soon as the small buds came to view, experienced tongue rolling over one of them until it hardened while the other was stimulated by the pads of his fingers, lips wrapping around one while the other had his digits circling and flicking over it. a moan instantly flew out of your mouth at the sensation, brows furrowing as you looked down at toji, watching the way his lids fell close in concentration. instinctively, your hand placed itself on the back of his head, pulling at the black strands while also pressing your chest closer to him, begging for more with every whine and whimper that you let out, moaning his name so perfectly toji wanted to believe you had trained doing so just for that moment, the way it rolled off your tongue so smoothly in between each sweet sound you let making his cock throb in his pants, twitching and hardening to the point it felt uncomfortable to have it strained inside his clothing.

“so, so pretty…” he mumbled drunkenly, leaving a last kiss on the wet area before fully kneeling in front of you, asking through a small mutter for you to help him take your bottoms off, leaving the misplaced bra to be the only thing covering your naked body.

he reached closer to you, fingers caressing and gripping the flesh of your thighs almost posessively as he kissed them, careful pecks left there to burn over your skin before he was finally reaching your folds, spreading them apart with a single digit, rolling it’s tip over your puffy clit just to hear the sweet mewl he knew you would let out at the stimulation. his teasing was incessant, lasting a bit longer than you would have hoped — but nevertheless, more than worth it, the moment his tongue finally peaked out to prod at your fluttering entrance being the one you felt fireworks explode inside you, pleasure intense and fast in the way it spread throughout you as he swiped the wet muscle up your slick slit, tasting you for the first time ever, humming at the way your wetness easily took over his taste buds, not more than a single lick necessary for toji to know he would immediately become addicted to your taste.

his moves were calculated, each stroke of his tongue up and down your cunt, each touch of his on your inner thighs — all of it was done with a very specific purpose in mind, to make you scream his name, a task he was embarrassingly successful at, not taking long before your moans and whines were growing in volume, getting louder until they reached their peak when his digits finally pushed into your wet hole, slowly filling you up to the point you swore you were seeing stars, their thickness enough to almost send you over the edge. a smirk plastered itself on toji’s lips, tongue flicking and rolling over your swollen clit as his fingers pushed in and out of you, bending into your gummy walls until he was sure he had found your sweet spot, continuing to press into it incessantly, your thighs shaking relentlessly around his head. it didn’t take too long before toji himself had to be the one helping you hold yourself up, your orgasm hitting you so hard you almost lost your balance, his free arm lacing around your waist loosely as he forced himself closer to your heat, gluing you to the edge of his desk while you gripped the thick wood hard enough to swear you could break it, knuckles turning white as you screamed toji’s name louder than any time before, white dots poisoning your vision as you felt your high hit your hard — harder than it was usual, anyways.

“‘ya taste so fucking good” toji heaved while moving away from your middle, lips and chin glistening in your slick as he pulled himself up into a standing position, one large hand going under your chin as its fingers pressed into your cheeks, smushing them together as he kissed you fervently, his movements more desperate than before, completely drowned in lust and arousal, a new type of hurriedness flowing through them as toji moved to continue undressing himself, mouth still pressed onto yours while he undid his belt and the button of his pants, pulling them down just enough to finally allow his erection to spring free, letting it slap against his lower stomach with a low smack, tip flushed an angry red and pre-cum slowly dripping out of the sensitive slit, basically begging to finally be touched.

toji was the one to pull away, forehead softly crashing into yours as you both breathed heavily. your eyes maintained closed, feeling as his fingers wrapped around your wrist, moving it so your hand was ghosting over his cock. while guiding you through it, toji placed his own digits over yours and wrapped them around his base, encouraging you to give it a gentle squeeze before moving them up and down his length, founding a slow pace but, eventually, fully removing his hand from yours and allowing you to follow your own. it was only then that you forced your lids open, slowly looking down and finally focusing on his cock, silently gasping at how it looked against your hand, the thickness of it bigger than you had expected, the way it still looked huge even when between your fingers maddening — the fact that your fingertips didn’t meet only adding to it. you spit down into it, pointing your saliva to fall on the tip before you were spreading it through the whole member, only then picking up some more speed, smiling to yourself when you heard toji groan while throwing his head back, cock twitching and hips bucking into your touch, begging for more.

“you look like you’re already close” you stated in a teasing tone, hearing pleased the way he simply chuckled in response, letting his body language speak for itself. it was nice to know you had such an effect on a man — especially in a man like fushiguro toji, the confidence boost the realization that you didn’t need to do much to almost push him over the edge gave you more encouraging than you had anticipated.

“i want you inside me” you added not long after, looking at toji’s face, hearing as he groaned again while also focusing on your features, bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he did so. his eyes were hooded, cheeks flushed in the lightest shade of pink while a single bead of sweat slid down his forehead. he looked more handsome than ever before, and the sight of him like that was enough to send a new wave arousal through you, thighs pressing together as you leaned into him, hand moving away from his cock in prol of positioning itself on his cheek, your other one following close as you cupped both cheeks, pressing a kiss to his lips, then moving into their corner, a shy one falling over the scar crossing through them and then leaving a final peck on his jaw, allowing toji to grip your hips and turn you around. carefully, he bent you over his desk, pushing your legs apart and wasting no time before wrapping his hand around his girth, slapping it against your ass once, twice, before finally pushing the tip into your hole, slowly filling you up more and more until his pelvis was pressing against your bottom, both of you sighing relieved at that point.

toji’s thrusts were slow at first, not wanting to go too fast from the start and end up cumming too early. the pads of his fingers were digging almost painfully into your waist, grabbing you desperately as he watched hypnotized the way his cock went in and out of your tight hole, the way you swallowed him so well too addicting. he could feel every small squeeze of your plush walls around him, every small tremble of your hips and every small movement your body subconsciously did to be closer to him. as he felt you wrapped so deliciously around him, toji felt incredibly stupid for being so stubborn and not making a move on you sooner, wanting to go back in time and change things if it meant he would get to be this intimate with you more often. he wanted to kiss you, to mark you as his and, as jealous as it was, to ruin you for anyone else. the thought that some other man might touch you after than night was almost angering, that being the fuel he needed to move into you faster, the necessary boost to make him finally give into his desires and seek more of you, heavy palm falling onto your ass as his thrusts picked up speed, sounds of skin slapping on skin starting to mix with your combined moans as he smacked into you. your mind felt hazy at that point, foggy desire taking over it as you begged for more, clumsily placing a finger over your clit and starting to draw lazy circles over it, the simple stimulation enough to heighten your pleasure immediately, making you let out choked out sobs as you felt your orgasm start to build, every move of toji’s only aiding in drawing it closer.

“i’m clo- fuck!” he basically screamed, not having time to even finish his sentence before he was shooting his seed into you, thick ropes of white filling you pretty pussy to the brim all while he still hammered into you, groaning in painful overstimulation but decided to help make you cum a second time, thinking you deserved it for being so good for him.

it didn’t take long for you to fall over the edge again anyways, your high hitting you unexpectedly as you felt toji’s cock twitch inside you, the last drops of his cum slipping into your heat as you clenched harder than before around him, allowing your pleasure to fully explode inside you freely. you both felt spent, not able to move any muscle for a few seconds as you tried to calm down, attempting to steady yourselves before doing anything else.

“fuck…” he grunted, slowly pulling out of you, allowing himself to indulge as he watched the way his seed slowly dripped out of you, swimming down your inner thighs and staining your skin perfectly.

gently, toji wrapped both arms around your middle, pulling you up to stand close to him, carefully turning you so you were face to face with him. he kissed you softly, again. he was tender, still lost in his post-orgasm haze as he brought you as close to him as you allowed, cradling you in a tight, warm hug.

“i didn’t think you’d still have it in you to do all this, old man” you said after breaking the kiss, tone lighthearted as you looked into toji’s eyes, noticing the way a sparkle flashed through their deep green, as if enthusiasm was filling them. he chuckled at your words, pecking you one last time before responding.

“if it’s for you, sweetheart, i’ll always have it in me”

“are you confessing your feelings or something” you teased, half-joking, hoping he would simply say yes and finally put an end to all your worries.

“what do you think?” toji replied in the same tone, the seriousness behind his words still shining through, though.

you smiled at him, cheeks burning as you pressed a loving kiss on his lips, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tight.

fushiguro toji was a feared man, the fright he imposed justified by all means — but in that moment, as he pulled back to look at your eyes, leaning into you again to kiss your forehead and hide his face in the crook of your neck almost timidly, he looked like a boy falling in love for the first time, completely blinded by the new emotion coursing through him, curious as to where it could take him.

N-AGIZ '22ㅤ REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED !

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sterekbros · 6 months

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tiny pumpkins (2125 words) by Winchesterek Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski Characters: Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Original Hale Character(s) Additional Tags: Everyone Is Alive, Farmer Stiles Stilinski, Park Ranger Derek Hale, Autumn, Pumpkins, pumpkin patch, Fluff, Meet-Cute, First Meetings, Kid Fic, Slice of Life, Uncle Derek Hale Written for: @sterekfests pumpkin patch, @sterekweekly wonder, and @warmandfluffybingocards visit to a pumpkin patch.

Stiles moved another pumpkin from the cart and into the stack of pumpkins in front of a sign that read Stilinski Pumpkin Patch.

But it really wasn't a Stilinski thing. It was something that his mom’s family always did and they started as a family when he was old enough to walk. Stiles had a few memories from that time, especially since he was so young, but as he always enjoyed looking at their family photos of him sitting amongst the pumpkins during the Fall season.

What he really enjoyed was the chilly air, the bright, warm colors and the warmth that the season brought to everyone’s lives. People were happy and bundled up, always visiting their seasonal pumpkin patch with friends or family.

And the kids, there were always tons of kids with someone or another, ecstatic about the pumpkins. People purchased pumpkins for decorations, to carve, to bake and whatever else they fancied.

Stiles just loved it all. And someday he hoped he’d be able to bring someone to the patch with him too. Maybe even he’d have a kid of his own, or he’d be an Uncle. Well, at least an Uncle to his friend's kids since he had no siblings.

Once he placed the last pumpkin into the pile, Stiles moved the cart to the side and cleaned his hands. He checked a few people out via the app on his phone for their pumpkin selections and a few treats that his best friends sold at a booth on their farm during their fall fest season.

Stiles then busied himself helping a few others take several pumpkins to their cars before he sat down on a stack of hay bales. That’s when he saw him.

The hottest guy that Stiles had ever laid eyes on was trailing behind two adorable kids who were practically frolicking through the patch. They were excited and giddy and Stiles heard their glee and wonder as they looked at all the different sizes and colors of pumpkins. Some huge, some tiny, and others that were perhaps the right size for their little hands.

The dude looked happy as he watched the two kids, who looked strikingly similar to him. They were either his kids or related to him in some way. Either way, the family genetics were strong. Stiles didn't see anyone else with him as he scanned the crowd, wondering if the children’s mother was somewhere close.

There was no way that a guy like that was single.

When no one else joined them, Stiles wiped his hands on his jeans and stood, heading over toward them awkwardly.

“Anything I can help you with?” Stiles asked, his eyes bouncing from the kids touching all the pumpkins and back to the guy who was staring at him when his gaze returned to him.

And god, his eyes were a gorgeous kaleidoscope of colors that Stiles couldn't describe.

“I’m sorry—” Stiles knew that he was saying something, probably talking about the pumpkins for the kids, but Stiles had been too lost in his eyes to actually hear what he was saying.

The guy laughed softly. “It’s okay…we’re actually looking for a few pumpkins to take home. In a variety of sizes. My family usually has a carving competition and we bake all the seeds.”

Right. Pumpkins. Stiles nodded and replied, “Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure! I can get some together for you if you want.”

“Great.” The guy gave Stiles a warm smile just as one of the kids came over and hugged the guy’s leg and he wrapped an arm around them. “This is Avery and this is,” he paused, hugging the other kid. “Jack.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Avery and Jack.” Stiles smiled, squatting down to their level. “I’m Stiles.”

“What’s a Stiles?” Avery asked, looking up with a frown.

“That’s not nice!” Jack replied and glared at Avery. “He’s a Stiles!”

Stiles laughed and so did hot-guy-with-kids.

“And I’m a Derek. Now that we all know each other’s names,” Derek added, smoothing his hands over the kids’ heads. “How about you two go pick out some pumpkins while Stiles helps me get the rest into the car?”

Avery and Jack nodded and ran off into the pumpkin patch, scrutinizing all the pumpkins they came across, which made Stiles laugh again.

“So, pumpkins,” Stiles started. “Cute kids.”

“Yeah, they’re a handful. Thankfully I get to return them to my sister at the end of the day, or they might give me gray hair.” Derek shrugged, watching after the kids before his gaze returned to Stiles.

So then, they weren't his kids. They were his sisters' kids. Which meant that he might actually be single. Stiles glanced at Derek’s fingers and didn't see a ring there, either. So maybe it was his lucky day. But he still didn't know if Derek liked guys. He could have a girlfriend and just not be married.

Stiles really hoped that wasn't the case.

Derek pushed his hands into his pockets, his eyes trailing up and down Stiles, which made Stiles’ heart flutter. “So, Stiles?”

“It’s a family nickname. Sorry. I, uh—yeah I got distracted a little bit.” Stiles could feel his skin turn blotchy as he flushed, walking along with Derek through the pumpkins.

“By?” Derek seemed curious, like he was ready to listen to whatever Stiles had to say.

It was the first time anyone had really paid Stiles that kind of attention, so he took a chance and replied, “Your eyes are really pretty…”

Derek’s smile was warm and inviting, making something in Stiles’ chest flutter.

“I get that sometimes.” Derek stopped next to Stiles, looking around for presumably the kids before his attention returned. “So you work here?”

“Also a family thing,” Stiles offered. “The farm has been in my mom’s family for a long time so we kinda took over the seasonal side of things. I really like the pumpkins, especially watching them grow.”

“So you’re a pumpkin farmer. That’s…interesting.” Derek chuckled and Stiles picked up a medium-sized pumpkin.

“Maybe a part-time pumpkin farmer. I’m actually taking a break from school. I was going to go into local law enforcement, but I’ve always really wanted to be a detective or to work for the FBI.” Stiles handed Derek the pumpkin, his breath catching as his fingers brushed Derek’s when Derek took it from him.

“Really? FBI?” Derek asked, looking at the pumpkin and sounding surprised. “I guess it’s always hard to tell what kind of work people get into.”

“What do you do?” Stiles asked, turning his focus to the pumpkins, picking out various sizes and putting them into a pile. He could feel Derek’s eyes on him and he wondered if Derek liked what he saw or if he was just as confused as everyone else was about him.

“Well, my mom is a lawyer and my dad is a professor…and I think they always wanted me to go into one of those areas.” Derek smirked and shrugged, still holding the pumpkin Stiles had given him.

“But you sound like you don't want to do that…” Stiles straightened and took the pumpkin from Derek, setting it aside in the pile. “How many do you want?”

“About ten…or fifteen. Just in case the kids mess one up and want to start over,” Derek replied, not missing a beat. “And I wanted to do something else. I ended up being a park ranger.” When Stiles frowned at him, Derek continued, “I studied biology and wildlife science in college.”

“Oh. Wow. Color me surprised. I just never saw park ranger as a profession for you.” Stiles’ tone was teasing, but he meant every word. He could totally see Derek as a lawyer though, or a professor. At least from what little he knew about him. Especially because he looked so cozy in that sweater and scarf he was rocking with the Autumn weather making Stiles’ skin prickle.

Avery and Jack took that moment to run back over to them, squealing and holding up tiny miniature pumpkins and thrusting them at Derek. “Look what we found! Baby pumpkins!”

Derek laughed and took one and then the other, looking them over and handing them back. “Go get a few more of those and we’ll add them to the pile.”

Jack and Avery ran off to gather more pumpkins and Stiles laughed, watching after them. “Those tiny pumpkins always do really well with the kids. But they usually paint them instead of carve them.”

“Then maybe we’ll have a painting party too… I’m sure whatever we’ll do, they’ll love it. It’s more about the family thing than the pumpkins…” Derek moved to pick up a pumpkin and handed it to Stiles, his heart skipping another beat as he took it from Derek.

“What do you think about these? We can always add whatever the kids pick out once we get them into your vehicle.” And Stiles could already see the kids gathering many tiny pumpkins.

“Those look great,” Derek replied and when he turned back to Stiles, he added, “I always wanted to get into conservation for endangered species. I guess it’s one way I can get closer to my goals for that.”

Derek shrugged. “We also do community outreach and lessons for kids, so I get to travel to schools and teach them about different animals we have in our state parks.”

Stiles found that more attractive than he probably should. Not only was Derek smart, he cared. He had interests beyond just himself or working out like most dudes he knew. Derek was obviously older, but Stiles didn't think he was too much older.

“Do you want to go out sometime?” Stiles blurted and then stared like a deer in headlights. Oh, god. “I—uh, I’m sorry—I—“

Derek was staring at him like he was intrigued and confused. Before Stiles could say anything else, Derek answered, “I’d love to.”

“Oh.” Stiles couldn’t stop himself from staring. Derek saying yes was the last thing he thought he’d get as an answer. “Wow. Okay, yeah—that would be great.”

“How about I pick you up tomorrow at seven and you choose the place. That way we’re both surprised,” Derek added with a grin, taking his phone out of his pocket and handing it to Stiles. “If you put your number in my phone I’ll text you so you can have mine.”

Stiles almost fumbled Derek’s phone like the worst kinda football pass there ever was, but he managed not to drop it with a sigh of relief. He punched his number in and saved his name as a contact, then handed Derek’s phone back.

“I await your text with bated breath,” Stiles teased with a smile that was more shy than he felt.

“Well, let’s not keep you waiting, then,” Derek replied with a chuckle and texted Stiles. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and it sent a rush of excitement through him.

The kids returned then with several more tiny pumpkins, “Look, Uncle Derek!”

They had Derek’s attention again as Stiles loaded up the pumpkins he’d picked out into a cart, along with the tiny pumpkins the kids put into it. Before long they were headed toward Derek’s vehicle, which was a sleek black Camaro that had Stiles warm in all the right places.

He couldn't believe that Derek was about to put all these pumpkins into his trunk. Nevertheless, they loaded them in and then Derek helped the kids into the back seat. It didn't look comfortable at all from what Stiles could see, but the kids didn't seem to care as they buckled themselves in.

“So, what’s the damage?” Derek asked, turning back to Stiles.

Stiles pulled out his phone and card reader. “Well, you’re set back $115 for the pumpkins.”

Derek handed Stiles his card, still smiling. “I’m sure they’ll love them. So it’s worth it.”

Stiles charged Derek’s card and sent him a digital receipt before handing it back to him. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow?”

“At seven.” Derek agreed, nodding. “I’ll make sure to wear something nice since you’re picking the place and it’s going to be a surprise.”

Stiles flushed and his mind went straight into the gutter with no needed help. “Seven it is.”

Derek flashed him one of those smiles again that had Stiles’ knees wanting to buckle as Derek’s eyes crinkled at the corners. Derek waved at Stiles almost shyly before slipping into the Camaro and closing the door.

The car was gone before Stiles shook himself from his shock. He was going on a date with a hot dude tomorrow.

What the hell was he going to wear?

Fuck.

#sterek #derek hale #stiles stilinski #teen wolf #eternalsterek #mine #my fic #sterekfestspumpkin #sterekweeklywonder #sterekfests #sterekweekly #sterek event #sterek events

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she-is-ovarit · 1 year

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When gay men, bisexuals, lesbians, and even the people who are questioning and exploring their sexualities communicate the boundary of, "don't call us queers", pushing against that boundary is a form of homophobic discrimination.

We don't like to be called "queer" because it can be a really retraumatizing word—especially for gay, lesbian, and bisexual elders. I wonder how often that was the last word that gay men affected with AIDs heard from someone they thought had loved them. I wonder how many gay men have been murdered while hearing that word, and how many of them had to be strong while hearing their partner's parents call them that word.

We don't like to be called "queer" because it obfuscates our relationships. "Queer" is a meaningless, ambiguous descriptor. It is disproportionately used to render lesbian relationships invisible, especially. We are more likely to see "queer women" and "queer relationship" referred to in the media in association to lesbians than "lesbians", "lesbian relationship", or "sapphic". And one of the core cruxes of the oppression of lesbians is invisibility—most of our history is unrecorded, even in comparison to gay men's. There exists very little research on us. There are less images of us, and when there are they are usually supremely sexualized. We are also the smallest population of people of the LGBQ and even T alphabet.

There are bisexuals out there, too, who don't want to be called "queer", because "queer" now is also associated with the kink and poly community. Bisexual women especially struggle with being targeted for male pleasure, so this word only furthers to subjugate them to being associated as a sexual object or a person with no boundaries.

We also don't like to be called "queer", because the whole point of the gay struggle and gay rights is to normalize people not associating us with being strange or different. We want people to consider our sexual orientations, relationships, and the expression thereof as normal. Diversity should be celebrated because it brings resilience to human systems, and how this diversity is recognized and percieved really matters. The terminology we choose to use influences this.

I understand the intention is to normalize the term and "reclaim" the slur, because as the theory goes normalizing a word makes it so an oppressor using it has no power. Ultimately, this falls flat, because it's not just about the term itself but rather how and in what context it's used. All we do when we "normalize" slurs is retraumatize people who grew up in a culture or time when their safety and security was threatened hearing it. "Normalizing" slurs also just encourages members outside of the given population to percieve us as "other" and often in an unconscious, derogatory way. Slurs carry a lot of associations with them that influence beliefs in nearly invisible ways.

I understand that some of you might be gay, lesbian, or bisexual and like applying the term to yourselves, but there are a subset of us who would really appreciate your help in pushing back against it being used so generally and broadly, to describe the entire community. It can be as simple as when someone else says "queer people", asking them to clarify specifically which group(s) of people they mean. It can be as easy as going out of your way to say "LGB community", or "LGBT", or to name the exact groups you're talking about. I understand the word might be meaningful or maybe healing for you in particular to use, but it can be really damaging when broadly applied.

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