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rinwellisathing · 30 days

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You're Awful, I Love You: Part 44

Sentry's fingers tangled in his sheets, nails biting into the fabric. Sweat beaded on his forehead and his expression curled into a painful look of abject terror. The dream enveloped him, calloused dark grey fingers gripping his hips, the short filthy nails digging into his skin with a dull ache but not enough to draw blood. The rough hempen ropes chafing his wrists as he struggled. His body thrashing, eyes glowing brightly as he thrashed and bit at the air, angry tears streaming down his cheeks as his 'brother's punishing thrusts shook his body. “Take it, little cub, they can call you chosen all you want but I remember what you're for.” That gutteral, mocking voice. He longed to silence it, to rip out his tongue and devour it, letting the acids of his stomach burn away those words. His eyes snapped open and he shot up into a sitting position panting. He was safe, the only other living things in his room were the gnolls, slowly rousing from their own slumber as their pack leader sat bolt upright, and Malta who was currently running his rough tongue over the shaved portion of Sentry's head and then grooming his hair with a gentle paw. “Right...that was a long time ago, Sentry. By now you've shown you can kill him if he tries anything, you're Chosen, you're strong.” Sentry told himself with a long, ragged breath. There was a knock at his door and he tensed, staring intently ahead and swallowing down his fear. “Who's there?” “I have a message delivery, brother dear! And some broth and tea as well. You shouldn't neglect your health, you know!” Tomi called from the other side of the door. “Yeah....yeah, okay, thanks sister. You can bring it in.” Sentry settled, catching his breath and watching as the door opened.

Tomi entered with a smile, holding a silver tray in her hands, a bloodstained envelope lay beside a black porcelain teacup and a simple wooden bowl with steam rising from it. She crossed the room, placing it on the bedside table and gave a small, happy sigh. “I do love seeing your works, dear brother. The touch of culture you bring to this place, why, it's like I never left my family's manor.” She clasped her hands behind her back and walked along the room, examining the pieces. Her eyes fell upon the image of the theater and she giggled and clapped her hands. “Oh! This one is wonderful! It reminds me of the day I murdered my mother and sisters. I mean, nowadays I prefer my poisons, but dropping a chandelier...ah...that does take me back. You're a talent for the ages...” Sentry nodded weakly and took a sip of tea, opening up the letter and beginning to read, deciphering the message slowly. Yes, this was good. Visiting with Enver would banish the remnants of his nightmare, would help to clear his head. He managed a small smile. “Hey, Tomi, has Fel reconstructed himself yet?” “Oh yes, brother dear....well...for a while anyway, but then sister Orin was in a mood when she left her chambers this morning and pushed him off the edge of the temple...But you know him, you just can't keep good help down for too long.” She smiled with a musical little laugh. “Ah well, I'll get myself ready for my outing then. I don't particularly want to wait.” He slowly got up from the bed and crossed to his wardrobe. Tomi was familiar with changing one's body to better suit one's self, so Sentry felt no shame being naked in front of her as he opened the wooden doors and began to sort through his clothing. Something oversized...which was getting more and more difficult to find as the months progressed...Finally, he settled on an overlarge black shirt, simple black pants, and the purple cloak he'd worn when Enver had shown him his improvements to The Iron Throne a few months ago. “I'll feed our friends while you're gone.” Tomi offered, clapping her hands to draw the gnolls' attention. “Come, sweeties! Auntie Tomi has some lovely leftover elf parts in the kitchen.” The creatures snorted and cooed appreciatively, falling in line and following her from the room. Sentry left soon after, making his way out of the temple and following his usual route to Enver's home. He privately wondered if at this point, he should just search for a passage that let out directly into his basement since so many Baldurian homes had sewer access if one just knew where to look. As he climbed up the ladder and onto the street, he realized the ladder was about all the climbing his body was going to allow him in this condition. He glared up at the window he usually entered from and rolled his eyes as he walked around to the door, grudgingly knocking at the front like a proper guest. A young half-orc in Flaming Fist armor opened the door and bowed politely. “Master Sentry, glad to see you...um...Lord Gortash is expecting you...he's just upstairs.”

Sentry couldn't help but grin at the effect his presence had on these guards and servants. Enver had told him some time ago everyone working in this house was a Banite, he couldn't trust anyone else to be so close to his work. That meant they all knew who Sentry was, they'd all worked security detail for the excursions to Moonrise, or watched their brethren assigned to deliver messages or gifts to the Temple of Bhaal only to be returned as one or two butchered parts. Hells, many of them had seen Sentry kill a fellow guard or servant, sometimes even at random, in this very house at this point.

The nervous young man escorted Sentry up to Enver's room and gave a hesitant little knock at the door, repeating the knock with a bit more fervor when he looked back at the imposing guest and Sentry favored him with a slightly unhinged grin, baring his teeth, still stained a bit red from Tomi's special broth.

“I swear, Serf, if this is about those insufferable patriars again...” Enver growled as he opened the door, glaring at the panicking half-orc. His expression softened to one of genuine pleasure when he saw Sentry standing behind the man, practically shoving his guard out of the way. “Ah! My dear Bhaalist, glad you could make it.” Sentry noted his lover's tired eyes, the dark circles, how sickly and dull from lack of sleep and days down in the workshop his skin was, even after bathing and dressing. “You look like shit, love. When was the last time you slept.” “Nevermind that.” Gortash waved off the question and then briefly turned to his guard. “Good work, Serf. Back to your duties.” The half orc sighed in relief and bolted back towards the stairs, practically tripping over himself to get out of striking distance of The Dread Executioner. He knew all too well what happened if he stood too close and the conversation turned into an argument. “Don't tell me to never mind it.” Sentry frowned, folding his arms across his chest. “How are you going to rule a city if you're exhausted?” He followed Enver into the bedroom, noting how clean and untouched everything seemed. He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Breakthrough in the workshop?” “Yes, a big one. So...the Illithids, the Elder Brain, the idea with the tadpoles, it all made me think of the perfect way to enforce my rule...” Enver hurried excitedly over to a small desk in the corner and collected some papers and one of the small model watchers he'd put together.

Sentry watched with interest, particularly drawn to the images of hearts and brains on the papers, these ones with various bits and bobs stuck into them, he wasn't sure what they were, he was hardly mechanically minded, his talents tending more towards the arts than sciences for the most part, but there was a beauty to the skewered organs. “You know, I've heard a leader has to win hearts and minds, but....” Gortash laughed at the comment. “How did I know you would say that? But yes, in a manner of speaking, that is the idea....So the prisoners in The Iron Throne, hells, even some of the ones in Wyrm's Rock no one will miss....and then of course, dissidents and political detractors do tend to go missing, don't they?” Sentry quirked a brow and cocked his head. “I'm...not following, you're talking all in bits and pieces...you should really get some rest before we get into any business.” “No but don't you see? The tadpoles, with the stones, we control the crown, which controls the brain, which controls the brains....plural...” Enver continued, gesturing to the mutilated brain in the drawing. Sentry stared from Enver to the papers to the miniature watcher. “So, what? Put these people's brains in the little army men?” “They won't be little. Imagine them twice as tall as you, each one armed, each one able to scan the mind of any citizen of Baldur's Gate.” Enver pressed on. “Ha! Now you're sounding like a copper dreadful plot! I actually kind of love it.” Sentry laughed. “And it'll work? Like, really work?” He approached, his body gently brushing his lover's as he reached down to pick up the paper and read it. It did make sense, insomuch as Sentry knew of technology (not much) and anatomy (quite a good deal actually). “This is just the beginning, my love. Our rule is all but assured...and once Ketheric is taken out of the picture, it will be you and I....” Gortash took Sentry's hand in his, squeezing it softly. “Just as our gods intend.” A wry smile crossed Sentry's face. That was very much not what his god, his father, intended. But no need to spoil a romantic moment. In truth, Sentry was starting to wonder to what extent he even trusted father's plan, at least for now. But then again, his perfect image of those two beings at the end of the world together, one devouring the other to sustain new life. It was his dream, his ambition, and for that of course Enver would likely not survive...And he did look so delicious, even exhausted and run ragged from long hours of work. Sentry ran his tongue over his teeth, licked his lips like an animal gazing at prey.

#baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #tiefling #oc #durge #dark urge #writing #fanfic #lord enver gortash #enver gortash #gortash x durge #durgetash

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whdldkspwffl · 8 months

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Hi Kid!

Things have yet to sink in. Tomorrow is your graduation day and you want to write about this. Though the feeling you have right now is disappoinment because of some sht pulled by someone. Again. Anyway, you've come along way. Please appreciate yourself more, you finished a degree in accountancy not in self-sabotaging (anti-hero pa more HAHAHAHA).

Remember when you cried during your first qualifying exam because you thought you're not gonna make it? But you still did! And when you received your very first failed quiz, thought of giving up coz you don't really feel and know what the fck are you actually doing. But you still endure all of those exams and tried your very best. How about during the first sem of online class in the height of pandemic when your family is about to fall and thought of stopping your education for a while because you need to find a living and set your life free from the chaos brought by someone. But your mother fight for your family all throughout because she wants you to have a good life, she always sacrifice herself that most of the time you think its stupid because she could've had a way more better life if she decided back then to just leave. Ok... I know you can go on releasing your rants about her messiah complex but this is not about that, its about her overflowing unconditional love that you are grateful for every single day whenever you talk to God. You appreciate how lucky you're that God gave you a strong and devoted mother like that.

A lot of things happened during those five years and lots of reasons for you to give up but you still hold on because God constantly blessing you with strength to withstand all of those battles. Almost two years ago, a miracle occured in your family that make things more bearable in life. I know you're still scared because of the environment you have but I know God will never let that happen again. Always put your trust in him, also to your father. He's been consistently surviving it with God's guidance. You may be feeling a bit of hatred towards him because of his shtty behavior that most of the time disappoints you but I know deep in your heart you still appreciate him and hoping more things will improve about him, just keep on praying.

You and your emotional ass made this message long. What I was trying to say is 잘했어요! Just continue with life. I know there will be lots of pressure as this chapter in your life ends. And constant existential crisis but kid you will figure it out. 나는 당신을 믿습니다. Please stop beating yourself, its indeed unhealthy.

Joy Angelie E. Nieves Bachelor of Science in Accountancy 2018-XXXX19 Class of 2023

#Batch2023 #Yoyok

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dzpenumbra · 2 years

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10/24/22

I've been very sleep deprived and tired... and depressed... and irritable... all day. Still not caught up on sleep. And as of right now, I have to be up in 7 hours, so I'm going to be brief.

Max has her blood test tomorrow. I have to get up at 12:30, get her to eat her med-laced food by 1 so she's nice and doped up for her appointment at 3. We had a nice little freak-out today because she flat-out refused to eat the food with meds in it that I gave her tonight, around 1 AM. I first gave her vanilla ice cream, since its her favorite and she's usually crazy about it. But I don't know if it was the new vanilla bean flavor or the fact that she could taste the meds in it? But she just fuckin walked right away from it, which is very odd. So I had to throw it out and add another pill to some canned chicken, which is her regular food... and she refused to eat that too. I was freaking out about that for a bit. Like... until about half an hour ago, when we played a bit before bed, then she trotted off. I checked her food dish and she ate the chicken. So... 3 hours late... but she actually did it. So yeah, I was kinda planning on calling the vet in the morning and calling out of the appointment, but now we're on like Donkey Kong. Just need to make sure she eats in the morning, but now that I know this play-before-food trick, I'll give it a shot and see if it helps secure the deal.

All this for lab tests. I had the same kind of problems with my dog. We tried to get her blood drawn and she was just not having it. They couldn't get the vein and she kept pulling her paws, so I had to sedate her just like this. So... it's kinda a little more emotional than just a cat being difficult, which is frustrating enough. It's grief too. So that's tough.

But we're all in the clear now... until the morning.

I feel bad for my mom, I really dumped a lot of stress on her shoulders today. I have been carrying this "my brother is being a dick" stuff on my shoulders for like... several days now. It eats me alive. And I really was just hoping for someone to be like "yeah, you're right, I don't know what his deal is, you don't deserve that, you're just trying to be a good friend and a good brother and he repays you by creating distance? What's up with that?" Just like... having my back. You know? It's been so fucking long since anyone's had my back. She got there, it took us a while, and I just went on and on just venting and letting loose. I always feel bad about doing that. But god is it so relieving. To just get it out.

It's such a weird thing about isolation. You can say shit out loud to yourself and vent and rant and all that... but it really just doesn't compare to talking to another person about it. When it's working, I guess it's worth clarifying that. Maybe it's just me, I don't know.

So yeah, I feel like shit for doing that, but she seemed to really get it and offered to talk to him. I pray he doesn't flip out on her. If he does... yeah, that's gonna be bad. So... yeah. My family is so fucking weird. It makes me really insecure, knowing how fucked up like every member of my family is and how completely oblivious they seem to it... it makes me constantly paranoid that there's some stuff about myself that I'm blind to. And I'm sure there is. Makes me super insecure. So... I'm not really sure how to cope with that. Because honestly, it seems like everyone has these blind spots, their own individualized ones. I feel like part of self-improvement and self-care is paying attention to those, and working on those. But like... I don't know, maybe I need to be a bit more forgiving of myself for that. Maybe it's okay for me to have blind spots and I don't have to neurotically go around trying to be perfect and flawless all the time.

I want to go to bed. I don't want to work on this stuff anymore, it feels like it's just non-stop. I have a big day tomorrow and a drugged up cat to reassure and keep calm and loved.

Oh, and I added literally 3 lines to the hoodie. I'm totally being a perfectionist in both self-care and artwork and it really needs to stop. It's roadblocking me in every aspect of my life. I need to let go and go zentangle style again. Stop obsessing with perfect symmetry, slap some rough guidelines on (at most) and just start drawing shit.

We'll see if tomorrow-Me agrees.

#diary #journal #online diary #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts #spilled thoughts

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bokunosoul · 3 years

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Class 1 - a reacting to reader that is like Violet evergarden

TW : Killing

When they first met you.They were shocked to see an foreigner from a country in America.Oh god how can i explain, your beauty is out of the world even though you have an stoic expression plastered on your face.

Mineta be like : oh fucc an angel 🤩😇✨.You are'nt.

One time deku accidentally bumps into you and he suddenly felt a metalic thing from your hands.He just assumed that it is related from you quirk and he apologizes to you said that it was fine.

That when you changed into your UA P.E uniform.

You indeed have robotic arms attatched from your shoulders.

Everyone was like is'nt that cheating?

Bakugou was even confused on how tf did you even passed the test and got a high score and also got into class 1 - a even though you are a person with disability.

Aizawa said that your disablity does'nt matter and it is also an exception and you passed with your skills even though you dont have arms and mostly relied on your prostetic ones.Honestly he's impressed on you

h̶e̶w̶o̶n̶t̶a̶d̶m̶i̶t̶i̶t̶h̶e̶s̶e̶e̶s̶p̶o̶t̶e̶n̶t̶i̶a̶l̶i̶n̶y̶o̶u̶.

The other students are impressed on how meanwhile you kept an stoic face. Your quirk is also cool and you can keep up with the harsh standards of UA.

Iida likes how responsible and always in the state of mind even when you are criticised or made fun of.

The girls asked about your backstory and everyone is all ears one hearing it e̶v̶e̶n̶m̶r̶.l̶o̶r̶d̶m̶u̶r̶d̶e̶r̶e̶x̶p̶l̶o̶s̶i̶o̶n̶

You said that you lost it while saving your commander who raised you in an battle a couple of years ago.

You admitted on killing a bunch of your enemies and helping out the military in a battle field you said that you train everyday to get better and to be a and deliver a bunch of weapons on the battlefield.

The government lets you off the hook because it's considered an self defense and you are also young.

You were basically an emotionally detached soldier that settles into postwar life.

Everyone has mixed emotions like sad, scared, fazed.Iida asks if you need a psychiatrist you said you already have one (lmao man is reliefed and so is the others and t̸h̸e̸f̸a̸c̸t̸t̸h̸a̸t̸y̸o̸u̸k̸i̸l̸l̸e̸d̸s̸o̸m̸e̸o̸n̸e̸ haunts them) .

They are also ready to throw hands when someone makes fun of you.

Mineta is 😃scared😃of😃you😃.Kirishima thinks your manly and gets tearful in your backstory💪.

You also said that you were highly experienced on using military weapons like bombs, guns, hand in hand combat and teamwork.

You also complimented Bakugo on how his quirk reminded you of the explosions in the battlefield (man is shookt and he is like : is that an insult? ) he ended up blasting a loud ass explosion you just standed there not scared and seemed to bd used to it.

you be like : 👁️👄👁️ yea im used to it.

H̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶s̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶o̶m̶e̶e̶m̶m̶o̶t̶i̶o̶n̶l̶e̶s̶s̶w̶a̶r̶f̶r̶e̶a̶k̶.Y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶t̶r̶o̶n̶g̶t̶h̶o̶a̶n̶d̶r̶e̶s̶i̶s̶t̶a̶n̶t̶t̶o̶h̶i̶s̶q̶u̶i̶r̶k̶.

Deku inspires a whole ASS 3 page in his notebook about you and questions your experiences in the battlefield while fighting if you want to

You agreed and he just started interviewing you while scribbling on his notebook.You were also interested on how he documents every students or heroes analysis.You also help him on how to write more specific details to add to his hero journal.

Present mic is also ✨amazed✨ on how you can speak english fluently. Everyone in the class is kinda having a bit trouble in that subject so during break time you ended up teaching them on how to improve on that subject.

You also rivals iida's intelligence and basically beside him on the rank 2 h̶e̶f̶e̶e̶l̶s̶t̶h̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶n̶d̶.Nonetheless you two get along since you two are the most responsible students in the class.

One time you ended up getting paired with shoji and hagakure to apprehend Mr.snipe and to be able to pass to go through training camp.

DAMNNN girl your basically the only one who can be able to dodge Mr.snipes quirk.SHEESH he's having an hard time targeting you since your fast.You ended up knocking him out from behind and the team wins because of you.

He complimented you and you replied in the most calm voice "I like how your bullets tried to target me too bad i ended up dodging it." he be like : 😃🤠🗿🔫 what? (overall he's so impressed on how you had no problem dodging his bullets)

KSKSKKSJA one time monoma tried copying you quirk on the sports festival he ended up touching your robot arms not your actual skin 😂 lmao he ended up loosing to you.

The whole class 1 - a : 👁️👄👁️,😃,😂🤭,😶 tf did i just witnessed.

Bakugo said that it is the most hilariously stupidest thing that he's ever seen.

Mei hatsume from the support course department adores you.One time your arms got deattatched she ended up reparing it and upgrading it to be more easy for you to use for your everyday life.

You also like her active energy and most of all you like the way she never gives up even tho her inventions failed and she tried again and again until she improves.

The fun started when you move into the dorms.Mineta almost passes out when he sees you armless.You were like : eh whatever you will get used to it 🗿.And everyone was like that how you clean or adjust your arms 👁️👄👁️.

They asked if you needed help.You said no thank you💀 (that's a bit harsh lmao).

They were like watching you clean in and attatch it they were like : 😬,🧐,🤔😮 , they also asked if it its painful and heavy attatching it (you said no thanks to mei she ended up making you easier to move everyday)

You thanked them for being concerned and explains that it does not hurt and you just fell basically numb.

When they also got to know you better you were such an calm nice person and you only kept to yourself.One time they tried making you laugh you just kept an face like this : 🗿 s t o i c.

They also noticed that you love writing waxed letters in your typewritter. A

Everyone in the class be like why dont you just use a phone.You said you did'nt have one they were like : 👁️👄👁️ uhm.They respected your opinion tho.

You also said that you also prefer writing your letters like this because most of your comrades back when you were working in the battlefield they use it as a way communicate to their family living far away from them.

They were so touched 🥰🥺💞.

BONUS : It was valetines day and UA is throwing kinda like an Valetines festival.Aizawa said that we can do anything like throw a party, create love booth anything valentines related.

So basically iida is at the front and everyone was making suggestions on what to do while you help him write your classmates suggestions on the board.

You suddenly said that why dont we do something diffirent and not that much common.Iida allowed you to speak so you did

" I was thinking on opening an confession booth where you can express your feelings to the one you love it can be basically to anyone for example a student,your friend, a teacher or your either your parents and we will write a love letter to them and help them declare your love to each other.Probably we will need a bunch of papers, envelopes, a typewriter and a bunch of people who is skilled in writing also we need someone that is skilled in baking to make heart shaped cookies like sato ."

Everyone was : 👁️👄👁️

"I think that is too much i humbly apologi-----." before you can continue iida interrupts you and said that it is the most amazing yet unique plan to capture someones heart in valentines day.

Everone likes your idea and Momo ended up volunteering buying the items and ingredients that you mentioned and Sato volunteers to bake the cookies and Deku volunteers on making the letters with you.

Meanwhile the others helped on decorating the so called "Love Confession Booth" that is located in your classroom.

The day comes and the whole upperclassmens are stoked to see what their underclassmens valetines booth are like.

An certain student from the general studies requested an love letter to give to the one she likes . You interview her whilst typing on your typewriter and she just spatted on how she really likes him and adored him.You ended up finishing the letter she requested a few minutes ago and putted it into an pink envelope and a heart shaped red cookie that sato maked.

She thanks you and a few moments a later she broughts in a boy and said that the love letter that you made worked and they ended up together.

Now the booth was empty bakugou was like : "NOW WHAT YOUR IDEA IS SO STUPID AND CHEE------."

The ground started rambling and a crowd appears mostly a bunch of upperclasmens and underclassmens mostly of them are begging you to make them a letter and even paid you.You said it is free and there is no need to pay.

Requests started pouring in and many of your upperclassmens praised the class on making good bussiness even the upperclassmens in the bussiness course loves your strategy in thinking of such an amazing idea that is eye capturing yet diffirent.

The class is overwhelmed but all of them and you managed to survive after a long day.

Thanks to you there are many upperclassmens dating now (lmao the teachers are like : is that even possible HSHHSHSHS) the seniors also gave you the nickname :cupid💘 (JSHS lmao)

Meanwhile the whole day your face is just like this : 🗿🗿🗿ok while writing cheesy love letters.

After a long day you opened your shoe locker and ended up getting a bunch of thank you letters, flowers, stuffed toys and a ton of chocolates.

You don't like sweets that much so you ended up giving some of them to your classmates as your valentines gif

Everyone was like blushing (●’◡’●)ﾉ when you handed them a thank you letter with a bunch of heart shaped chocolates.You even gave Mineta one.Lmao he ended up crying due to joy(e̶v̶e̶n̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶h̶i̶t̶t̶y̶y̶o̶u̶a̶d̶d̶s̶p̶i̶c̶e̶t̶o̶t̶h̶e̶a̶n̶i̶m̶e̶a̶s̶w̶e̶l̶l̶a̶s̶t̶h̶e̶m̶a̶n̶g̶a̶

Note : the gif not mine a̸n̸d̸s̸o̸a̸r̸e̸y̸o̸u̸

ORIGINALLY by : bokunosoul

#bnha x gn!reader #mha imagines #mha x reader #class 1 a x reader #mha drabbles #mha x y/n #mha headcanons

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dreaming-twist · 3 years

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THAT'S NOT FAIR!

I wrote something self-indulgent for myself ~

Note: "(Y/n)" has her/she pronouns. And sorry if the translator changed any pronoun, I re-read it already but if something's left I'll correct it later!

At NRC, there weren't many opportunities for an entire course to come together in one class, but this was one of those days when it did. Professor Vargas had told all his students something about how observing other people, apart from classmates, could awaken in each one a feeling of improvement and rivalry that would make them try harder everyday. And having said that, he gathered all the first-year classes in the schoolyard, so that each of the students could do the sport that they most wanted.

Ace, Deuce and (Y/n) –who was carring Grim– walked around looking sideways in search of their friends, and after a few seconds they saw Jack's hand, calling for them above all the student heads around. The four of them made room to pass netween their classmates, and found Jack and Epel there.

"Hey ~" Ace greeted, raising his hand. Deuce and Epel bumpled their fists, and Jack smiled. "Well, I'll be brief: Basketball"

"You're making up your own mind, Ace" Grim said reluctantly.

"You know, there are two people here from the athletic club, if we were to pick something by majority we would win" Deuce commented casually, glancing at Jack.

Ace mockingly mimicked him, then put his arms behind his head.

"What do you want to play then?"

"Anything, I only want to start moving NOW" said Epel, who had already begun to stretch.

"Same here" Jack said, folding his arms. "I just want something to keep me going."

"Well, then it's decided!" Ace turned away, before Deuce could say anything to him. "I'm going for a ba—!"

"I THINK that what Professor Vargas wants is for us to try new experiences."

"UWAH!" Ace was startled to see someone cutting him off, which he almost bumped in. "SEBEK!? Since WHEN were you there!?"

Sebek arched an eyebrow, not changing his expression too much.

"I have listened to your conversation from the very beginning, human. If that's what you mean."

"... Well, now that we are 7 at least we can play 3 VS 3."

"... Huh? But if we were 6 before, right?";(Y/n) said, counting.

"Ah— did you count Grim? 'Cause I didn't"

"HEY, ACE! I'M GONNA TO HIT YOU, YOU SEE!" Grim yelled at him angrily as Ace held up his tongue.

"AS I WAS SAYING," Sebek began, walking a few more steps to the other boys, "I think trying something that no one practices on a regular basis would be a much more enriching experience for everyone."

Ace narrowed his eyes at him, though Sebek didn't seem to have noticed him. Deuce put a hand to his chin thoughtfully.

"Sounds like a good option to me, actually" he said, glancing at (Y/n) and Grim, who nodded. Jack seemed to be listening intently, and Epel's eyes were fixed on Sebek, since he wanted to get started as soon as possible. "Do you have any suggestions, Sebek?"

"Hmpf. Of course I do" he said, smiling, and then headed straight for a bench.

They all looked at each other without understanding anything, and followed him. Sebek ended up sitting up and putting his elbow on the table, and when everyone saw him smile proudly they knew what it was about.

"Arm wrestling? Like, seriously?" Ace asked, looking bored. He sought support from the others, looking at them, but he was surprised to see everyone really wanting to get started.

"Do you think you can beat me?" Jack asked confidently. "I was competing against Leona-senpai some days ago."

"Impressive, but yes: I think I can win. Do not underestimate the bodyguard of the great Malleus Draconia."

Jack smiled and sat down at the table, and they both put their hands together for a second after they started. They were both too strong, so they just smiled while straining.

Epel was looking at them with super bright eyes, and then he turned to Deuce, clenching his fists tightly.

"DEUCE! We are next! I'm not losing to you!"

Deuce looked at him in surprise, but then his grimace changed to a crooked smile as he collided with one of his fists against his other hand.

"I'm going to do everything I can to win you over, huh?" He said, and Epel was quick to nod and sit up to go against him.

They both put their elbows on the table and clasped their hands, and on the count of three they started. From the start Deuce seemed to have the upper hand, but Epel didn't give up on the first try, keeping his arm up for a long time. Deuce knew that if he used as much force as in his past days, he could win, but he was no longer like that, so he gave his all without going to extremes that were not going to be good for him or for his opponent. But still, he was struggling. And that made him feel proud of his friend, who seemed to be getting stronger every day through training and perseverance.

"Epel, your training seems to be paying off" Deuce said, smiling, though his tone darkened a bit afterward. "But I'm not going to let you beat me."

"HA!" said Epel, cocky. "We both train very hard, but there is something that I have and you don't ~"

Deuce arched an eyebrow not knowing what his opponent was planning on him... until he fixed his eyes on him: Epel was looking at him with the brightest and most adorable eyes he'd ever seen.

"Huuum, Deuce-kun, you're too strong ... I'm not going to be able to beat you ... ~"

Deuce shuddered when he heard that high-pitched tone of voice suddenly, which made Epel suddenly use more force and knock down Deuce's arm, thus winning the game. Epel stood up with a jump, returning to his normal voice again.

"TAKE THAT, YOU LOSER! WOOOOOOO!"

Deuce blinked a few times, unaware of what had just happened. But as he recovered, he snapped his eyes open and pointed at Epel, embarrassed.

"EPEL! THAT'S NOT FAIR!

"What's not fair?" Epel asked, pretending to be oblivious, but without losing his smile.

"Deuce... You have to lose that irrational fear you have of women... Or well, of everything just a little femenine, ya know" Ace said, sighing.

"It's not irrational! EPEL! I DEMAND ANOTHER MATCH!"

"Eeeeeh...?"

Ace, Grim and (Y/n) stood watching them argue a bit, not saying anything ... until Ace and (Y/n) ended up looking sideways. And Ace then showed a mocking smile.

"... Weeeell, (Y/n)... Do you want me to crush you?~"

"You speak very confidently for being the weaklest guy in the basketball club, Ace" Grim said quickly, to which (Y/n) gave a small laugh.

"WEAKL...! All right, Grim, you against me! But if you end up crying don't blame me, huh"

"Whatever, I'm gonna win you over."

Ace sat down at the table and Grim jumped on top of it. They both put their arms in position and on the count of three, they started the match... which ended just as quickly.

"... Wait, WHAT!?" That scream sounded so loud that other students turned to look his way. "THAT'S NOT FAIR! (Y/N)! WHY HAVE YOU HELPED HIM!?"

"Hum? What are you talking about?" (Y/n) asked innocently, whose hand was on Grim's paw, and both of them had managed to knock Ace down in no time.

"HEY, DON'T PLAY FOOL!"

"Tch, tch, tch ... Ace, my minion and I are one student. If you are looking for a fight with me, you are looking for it with her. This is how things are ~"

Meanwhile, Sebek and Jack continued to compete. Neither of them seemed to want to give in and be the last loser of the day.

"Aren't you tired yet, Sebek?"

"Not at all. I am totally focused on our match."

"Heh. I supposed it. Although it seems that the others have already finished. We should finish soon.”

"HA! That those humans and that magic monster are not as good as us is none of our business."

"... You're right, I just have to beat you."

That made everyone turn their heads towards the two of them, especially Ace and Deuce, the losers from the previous rounds. The two of them frowned at being treated like that, looked at each other, and ended up reading each other's minds. Epel, Grim and (Y/n) could feel how they weren't planning anything good... even though they couldn't say anything about it. Ace and Deuce took a breath then, and...

"M-M-MALLEUS-SENPAI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"

"KINGSCHOLAR-SENPAI! HAVE YOU COME TO WATCH JACK'S MATCH?"

And then, Sebek and Jack reacted at the same time, getting up from the place very upright, turning to see their superiors ...

"WAKA-SAMA, IT'S AN HONOR—!"

"LEONA-SENPAI, I WAS—"

... Only to realize that they were nowhere to be found.

"WOW, Sebek, looks like you've lost, huh? ~"

"Now we're in the same boat, Jack ~"

The two of them were stunned to realize that they had given up at the same time, and thus, they had both lost.

"Good work, Deuce-kun ~

"Same there, Ace-kun ~

Ace and Deuce bumpled fists, grinning. When they weren't arguing, the truth was that they made a great team. Although...

"... Uh... You two... I don't think it's time to celebrate."

They both turned to Grim and could see Sebek and Jack getting dangerously close to them, stretching their arms and clenching their fists.

"Time to show them who the losers are"

"I was going to say the exact same thing"

Epel, Grim, and (Y/n) stood, watching the chase live... until Epel finally said something.

"Well... do you want to take one more?"

"Of course! This is the one to see who wins!" Grim said, jumping back onto the table.

"No cheating this time, okay? We will play as it should from the beginning" (Y/n) said him, laughing, and placing her hand on Grim's paw.

Epel smiled and joined them, getting ready.

"OK! So... AT THE COUNT OF THREE...!"

#twst #twisted wonderland #epel felmier #deuce spade #ace trappola #jack howl #sebek zigvolt #grim #twst imagines #twst writing #self indulgent

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avengers-age-of-fanfics · 3 years

Text

just for you, honeybee (6/?)

pairing: steve rogers x reader (platonic), natasha romanoff x reader (platonic), bruce banner x reader (y/n is a big fan of his), tony stark x reader, bucky barnes x reader

warnings: mention of bucky, fighting, training, mention of guns, takes place during The Avengers

words: 3,359

a/n: part 6! i honestly don't know how long this series will be, but i think i may end it at either endgame or TFATWS. so basically going through all the movies lmao, but skipping over a few. i just want honeybee and bucky to be happy but gotta add some angst.

Transitioning into a new world, the year of 2011, was no easy feat, and you appreciated Director Fury being somewhat patient and honest about how much has changed. Him, and apparently one of your biggest ‘fans,’ Phil Coulson, have been the most helpful with your adjustment, teaching you all about the new technology and supplying you with a new phone, courtesy of S.H.I.E.L.D.

However, along the way, were a few speedbumps. You and Steve trained consistently in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s gym, almost leaving no room for sleep or taking proper care of yourselves. You both knew it was terrible, you should be looking out for one another, but the loss and confusion overran your needs to live a normal life. However, over time, he seemed to adjust better than you, as expected. Even though Steve had only been awake a few months before you, he jumped right back into the new world.

For you and Steve, the both of you had seen Bucky a few weeks ago; you had seen Steve a few minutes ago, from the time you had woken up. To everyone else in the world, including Steve, however, that was history, a moment written in textbooks ages ago; and for Captain Rogers, that moment was months ago.

In your mind, you deserved to release your anger out on some punching bags.

It had taken Director Fury and Agent Coulson a while until they shared the news to you and Steve, that Peggy was alive. They had claimed that since they found Steve, high hopes were in store for finding you, hence saving off on telling him beforehand. Steve had immediately wanted to see her but you hesitated; what would Peggy say to the both of you? How would she react to you both being alive? No matter, Steve had begged you to come along to visit Peg and you caved, giving him some time with her before he called you in.

Peggy’s eyes lit up, “y/n, you’re alive! Sweetheart…”

You smiled, pulling up a chair next to her, “hey, Peggy. How’s the strongest woman alive doin’?”

She sighed, grasping your hand, “better…much better. Howard never stopped looking for you, the both of you. He’d be so happy to see you.”

You sucked in a breath as her eyes turned glossy, “we know, Pegs. We know.”

She held back her tears as she continued, “he had a son, Anthony; just as stubborn but smart as Howard. You’d love him.”

Steve chuckled, “sounds like a handful.”

Peggy laughed before falling into a coughing fit, turning away for a few seconds. After regaining her breath, she turned towards you and Steve, “Steve! Y/N! You – you’re both alive; you came back!”

Steve gave a sad smile as your face fell, “yeah, Peggy, we did…”

Steve’s eyes teared up, “I couldn’t leave my best girl; not when she owes me a dance.”

Over time, the visits to Peggy became too much and you needed to rest. So, with little convincing to Director Fury, you found yourself in a small cabin in Bozeman, Montana, with frequent visits by both Coulson and your new female friend, Natasha Romanoff. At first, you hated the idea of someone visiting you during your time to reflect, but once you realized that she wanted to help you train and become used to your super serum abilities, you appreciated the company.

You barely had any time to adjust to your newfound strength, among other things, and you slowly became grateful that Natasha had joined you over the course of a few months. Sure, sometimes she was so nosy and bossy, waking you up in the ungodly hours of the morning to train, but she had slowly become one of your closest friends.

Honestly, some days it felt as if you just met Natasha the day before:

You stood in Fury’s office, arms crossed, as he stood adjacent to you, Coulson awkwardly standing beside him. “Why are you sending a babysitter to a place where I am supposed to be, oh, I don’t know, relaxing? Reflecting?”

Director Fury grumbled for the umpteenth time, “because, Agent L/N, you never know when the day will come where we will need you and Rogers, along with your special abilities. You are unskilled in hand-in-hand combat, among other areas in defense, and it’d be nice to enhance our agents.”

You uncrossed your arms, still very pissed off, “I don’t want them to visit me every day. That’s my one condition. I need time, Nick; I feel like I haven’t properly…taken everything in. I just want time to myself.”

Phil spoke up beside Fury, “and we respect that, Y/N, we truly do. But we hope you also see where we are coming from. Natasha Romanoff is very skilled in her profession and understands your situation – you’re in good hands.”

“Phil, you’re making me blush,” a female monotonous voice spoke.

Whipping your head around, you were met with a beautiful redhead who definitely seemed like an Agent, someone who meant all business. You’d learn later on that was just a façade.

“I- Y/N L/N, you must be Agent Romanoff,” you said, holding out your hand.

Natasha grinned, shaking your hand in hers, “just call me Nat, Agent sounds too formal. I look forward to seeing what that super soldier serum truly did to you.”

Apparently, not too much as she continuously kicked your ass in combat.

Training with Natasha was, well, with your lack of combat, embarrassing. You had your ass handed to you so many times, it was a bit pathetic – but she always told you that you were improving. You used your heightened senses to your advantage, listening to her footsteps and figuring out what move she intended to use next. You hesitated to use your strength at first, but with continued training, you knew Nat could handle it.

With Nat, you also became very skilled in shooting handguns, rifles, the whole nine. Your aim was impeccable and target training was becoming a breeze. The thought of shooting someone terrified you at first, but when Nat reminded you that hesitation could get you killed, you understood – there was no room for mistakes.

During your stay in Montana, you kept in touch with Steve, but only through short texts. He was not thrilled with you leaving him, but he understood where you were coming from; you needed to mourn but also keep busy, careful to not fall into a dark abyss. Fury kept you updated, telling you that he had pushed himself into training continuously and visiting Peggy all he could. You knew seeing Peg was doing Steve no good whatsoever, and your heart ached...but at least he got to see his long love.

Nat had been there when Bucky’s birthday passed, holding you as you cried, unable to leave your bed the day of and a few after. She held you as you yelled at the sky for taking away the most important person in your life, leaving you so alone. She knew you had Steve, but it wasn’t the same – you needed Bucky. But she also knew by letting you cry, your emotions out of your body, you’d feel so much more at peace.

And she was right.

Natasha also told you about Howard's son, Anthony, and from what you saw on the news, that was definitely Howard's kid. Tony was arrogant, self-absorbed, but did what he thought was right. After his declaration of being Iron Man, you followed Tony all over the internet, but hearing first hand from Natasha of the man that Tony was...Howard would be proud. You wished to meet him, you did, but something pulled at your heart, telling you that Tony probably hated you for taking his dad from him, forcing Howard to become obsessed with finding you and Steve and thus, costing him his life.

Natasha told you he might see you in that light, yes, but if you ever got to know Tony, he'd warm up.

You weren’t healed and you still weren’t okay, but you were…better. You hated whatever being there was in the sky for taking your James, but you came to terms with it. But the one thing you were so resentful about was the fact that there was no body, no funeral for him.

Becca hated that, too.

You had visited her in her old age, just like Peggy, and the two of you held hands as you talked about James and Steve – your boys. She had missed you so much, just like she missed Jamie, and she understood your pain the best. She had tried to encourage a search party for him, to have some closure, but the government refused. He was gone, and they couldn’t send more men to find a disfigured body.

You hated thinking about that, what James would look like. It haunted you in your nightmares, waking you up in the wee hours of the morning, his frostbitten body staring right back at you. Phil had found you a morning after such nightmare, sitting on your porch in nothing but an oversized shirt and a blanket around your shoulders, cheeks wet with fresh tears.

You sniffled once more, wiping your nose with the back of your hand, watching as a black car parked into your dirt driveway. The car opened and Phil Coulson emerged, as expected - on time for your monthly visits. Hugging onto the blanket tighter, you shivered against the cold air, hoping Phil would just leave upon noticing your state.

He did the exact opposite.

Phil took off his jacket, resting it upon your shoulders even though you had the blanket. You sniffled, inhaling his scent, and hugged the jacket closer, feeling Phil take a seat next to you on your wooden bench.

"I always found snow to be soft, almost like a cloud, falling down upon it when James and I would make snow angels," you began. A shiver ran down your spine as you continued, "but now, I can't help but think of his body just...plopping onto the ground so roughly that he was hurting, still alive, yelling out for anyone and..."

Phil ran his hand over your head, brushing your hair back, "freezing."

You glanced to Phil, "freezing to...to death. He must've been so scared, I-"

Phil shushed you as the tears formed, "no what if's, y/n. He's safe now - that's what matters most. You're okay, and so is he."

Your bottom lip trembled as you held onto the dog tags, nodding to Phil's words, "you're right, as always."

Phil gave a tight smile, "let's go inside and heat up some milk, 'm getting tired myself." Coulson held your hand for the rest of the night.

Trying to convince yourself to get some closure, you told yourself that the next time you were in Washington D.C., you’d visit the museum and read all about Bucky, all that he had done, and see the amazed looks of citizens who saw him as a hero. Your James Barnes was a hero to so many people, including yourself, and you should be able to celebrate his goodness from when he was alive.

You were going to go the next day until Director Fury knocked on your door at 2:30 in the morning, holding a file labeled “CLASSIFIED.”

You raised an eyebrow, “couldn’t have given me this at a decent time?”

He narrowed his good eye, “it’s urgent, didn’t have time for formalities, your highness.”

With a snort, you grabbed the folder from his hands, “glad you know how to properly address me. What time do we leave?”

Fury tilted his head toward the quinjet, directing your eyes toward Steve who stood alongside Natasha, “once you get dressed, Agent. You’ll have time to look over the file in the jet.”

You weren’t sure why you got dressed so fast; seeing Steve for the first time in about 6 months, finally going on a mission, or just getting some new sense of scenery. Either way, you engulfed Steve in a hug and he laid a hand on the back of your head, “hey, honeybee.”

Your heart ached whenever he called you that, but you figured it was one of the last things he could hold onto Bucky as his dog tags laid against your chest, “hey, Stevie. So, what’s the deal?”

Reading over the file while Nat gave more information about Clint – someone else who you had grown quite close to – you grew confused. You looked to Steve, “the Tesseract. That’s the blue cube that…disintegrated Schmidt, right?”

Steve nodded, “looks like Howard recovered it and it’s been in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s hands since, but this guy, Loki, wants something to do with it – Hydra’s secret weapon.”

Fury spoke up from the front of the jet, “that scepter he has, it controls the minds of anyone it touches, including one of my sharpest agents. The Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy – that’s something the world sorely needs. Falls into the wrong hands, well…”

You shook your head, “you shoulda left it in the ocean.”

Silence overtook the quinjet until Phil came over to your seat, sitting beside you, “I’d like you to come along to recruit another member, if you don’t mind.”

You gave a small smile to Phil, “um, yeah, that’s fine. Where we goin’ and who are we recruiting, Coulson?”

Phil seemed a bit nervous as he spared a glance to Nat, who nodded her head, “Tony Stark, Iron Man.”

You sucked in a breath, “Howard’s son? You want me to come along?”

Phil laid his own hand upon yours that rested in your lap, file forgotten about, “I do, and I hope you wouldn’t mind tagging along.”

Holding back your tears, you nodded, “yeah, yeah, I’ll come. When do we leave?”

“Once we land in D.C., we’ll take a quick trip to New York. Easy car ride.”

You squinted your eyes, “isn’t that like, a 6-hour drive?”

Phil gave an uneasy smile, “not with me driving, we’ll be there in 2.”

You chuckled, “as long as I get there alive, I don’t really care how we get there.”

In all honesty, the drive to Stark Tower was relatively calm, save for swerving through traffic and going way too fast for your liking. Once you arrived, you and Phil talked to the impressive AI named JARVIS who told you both that he was informing Mr. Stark of your arrival.

“Impressive Artificial Intelligence,” you whispered to Phil, “definitely Howard's kid.”

Phil was about to respond until JARVIS spoke up, “Mr. Stark is not in, Agent Coulson.”

Your friend pursed his lips together, “please tell Tony that this is urgent and we need to speak. Now.”

Very quickly, Tony ignored your calls until Phil hacked into the system, overriding JARVIS and his protocols. Phil spoke into the phone, pulling you inside the elevator, “Mr. Stark, we need to talk.”

Tony sighed on the other line, “you have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave a message.”

Phil rolled his eyes, causing you to let out a snort, along with Pepper Potts on the other line, “this is urgent, Tony.”

You and Phil stood in the elevator, about to reach his floor as Tony responded, “then leave it urgently.” Right on cue, the elevator doors opened and Tony held up his glass of champagne, “security breach, it’s on you.”

Tony’s eyes glanced over your figure as you stood beside Phil, Pepper getting up from the floor to greet him, “Phil! Come in. I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met yet, Miss?”

You smiled at Pepper, meeting her halfway and shaking her hand, “Agent Y/N L/N, Miss Potts.”

Tony stood beside Pepper, “the infamous Miss America, Cap’s sidekick. How’s S.H.I.E.L.D. treating you? Always annoying you with something, barging in without your knowledge, telling you that you've been asleep for 70 years?”

Phil spoke for you, “I’m afraid we can’t stay. We need you to look this over as soon as possible.”

Tony shook his head, “I don’t like being handed things.”

You let out a chuckle as Pepper took the folder, “that’s fine, because I love to be handed things. So, let’s trade.” With a quick switch of hands, Pepper gave Tony the folder as she handed Phil the glass of champagne, “thank you. Anything for you, Y/N?”

You shook your head, “no thank you, Miss Potts.”

You took a moment to look Tony over. Peggy was not kidding – he looked exactly like Howard, and certainly acted like him, too. They had the same eyes, the same face, and the same attitude; it was almost like looking at a clone of Howard. Your eyes filled with unshed tears but you pushed them back, taking a small breath as Phil continued, “this is not a consultation.”

Pepper’s eyes grew wide, “is this about the Avengers? Which I know nothing about.” She looked guilty once the words slipped.

Tony sighed as he walked away, opening up the folder and looking through it quickly, “the Avengers initiative was scrapped, I thought – and I didn’t even qualify.”

Pepper shrugged, “I didn’t know that, either.”

Tony continued, “apparently I’m volatile, self-obsessed, don’t play well with others.”

You mumbled, “kind of like Howard.” Tony pointed his finger towards you as he nodded, “and she speaks of him!”

Pepper nodded her head, “that I did know,” ignoring his comment towards you.

Phil shifted his weight, “this isn’t about personality profiles anymore.”

Tony grunted, “whatever. Ms. Potts, got a second?”

As the two were talking, screens were lit up of you, Steve, and others fighting, and you stumbled back with a slight gasp, still new to the whole holographic stuff of technology. Phil turned towards you, asking you if you were okay with a look, and you nodded. Pepper looked towards you both and back to Tony, whispering, “maybe while working on this, you can get to know her. Get to know your dad. I’ll take the jet to D.C. tonight. You have homework – a lot of homework.”

The two kissed before Pepper headed your way, “so, any chance you two are driving by LaGuardia?”

Phil nodded, “I can drop you.” Pepper smiled, “fantastic!”

The two began to walk towards the elevator as you looked on at Tony who held a holographic Tesseract in his hand. In that moment, your brain convinced yourself that was Howard, your Howie.

Tony turned towards you, “you joining them or you just gonna stare?”

You took a step back, a frown on your face as you mumbled an apology, meeting Pepper and Phil in the elevator. Pepper turned your way as the doors closed, “I’m sorry about him. When it comes to his dad and you, he gets a bit…”

You finished her sentence, “jealous. He missed out on a lot and I can imagine Howard spent too much time talking about me or Steve instead of him. I understand.”

Pepper gave a tight smile.

In a few short hours, you, Phil, Steve, and a few other S.H.I.E.L.D agents were on your way to the helicarrier, something that only a few of you knew about. You sat next to Steve, looking over Dr. Bruce Banner’s files, examining videos of him as Hulk, and how he was trying to recreate the super soldier serum. You had known about Dr. Banner and honestly, had become one of his fans – when he was in his human form, of course. His works on nuclear physics and gamma radiation greatly interested you and upon reading many of his published articles, you had completely forgotten about his condition. Having the opportunity to meet him in person was certainly one of your dreams and you just knew Bucky was making fun of you for being such a dork.

Phil stood up from his seat, walking towards you and Steve, leaning above you both. Steve looked to Phil, “this Dr. Banner was trying to replicate the serum they used on me?”

Phil nodded, “after Howard Stark’s death in 1991, Dr. Banner made it his mission to replicate it. A lot of people were. You – you both – were the world’s first superheroes. Banner thought gamma radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine’s original formula.”

Steve looked uneasy, “didn’t really go his way, did it?”

Phil shifted his weight as he looked towards you, then to Steve, “not so much. When he’s not that thing, though,” you interrupted him with a glare, “sorry, the Hulk, the guy’s like a Stephen Hawking.”

Steve looked to you, confusion written on his face. You shrugged, “a really smart person.”

Silence enveloped the three of you until you nodded to Phil, urging him to continue. Phil seemed all giddy, “I gotta say, it’s an honor to meet you officially. I’ve sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping.”

You snorted as Steve nervously smiled at Phil, covering your face as he continued, “I mean, I was present while you were unconscious from the ice.” Steve stood up as you continued laughing, making his way to the front of the jet, “you know, it’s just a huge honor to have you on board this.”

You followed Phil, clapping him on the back as Steve overlooked the ocean, “thank you for that, Phil, truly.”

Steve elbowed you as he mumbled, “I hope we’re the people for the job.”

Phil’s eyes lit up, “oh, you are – you both are, absolutely! We, uh, made some modifications to your suits, by the way.”

You glanced towards Phil – now this was what you missed.

honeybee taglist:

@clownerlyluv

@ginger-swag-rapunzel

@starkleila

@intothesoul

81 notes · View notes

in-2004-fandoms-and-counting · 3 years

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AU where Nico dies (don't hate me pls I'm sorry I love Nico and ship the hell out of Solangelo, this is just to allow for some dark AUs) transporting the Athena Parthenos in BoO.

(Sorry it's such a long post) Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano, revered praetor and peace-loving daughter of Bellona, loses the ability to share strength. Now, when she uses her power, she saps your energy, draws on your bravery, and poisons your mind with horrific images. Nico's death has allowed suppressed traits to resurface and overwhelm all her progress since San Juan all those years ago. She picks fights. She becomes a dictator in all but name, abolishing the Senate and making War Games a lot more "realistic": weekly funerals become commonplace, words are spoken under breaths, and terror resides in the heart of every New Roman. And so, Reyna Ramírez-Arellano turns her brilliant mind and poisonous power to Gaea's aid. Gleeson Hedge doesn't seem more than a broken satyr at first glance, his smiles never sincere, his voice never loud, his bat never raised. But when he slips off into the wilderness, he does not sit quietly among the trees and reflect. He whispers into the trees' leaves, his twisted words echoing the bitterness that now consumes his being. He has been tricked too many times: Pan, forcing thousands of satyrs to lose their lives in their quest to find him when he was alive all along; Clarisse, who never tried to connect with nature or understand his own ties to the natural world, who teaches his child the game of death while Mellie watches, fading away, unable to fight back; the gods, who, in their promise of protection, conveniently ignored the nature spirits. He is bitterest about Nico's death: about all he could have done, about what the kid should have done. The glint in his eyes scares even the worst monster that Tartarus could send. But it is Gaea he turns his allegiance to. It is Gaea who promises that he will always be good enough for her. And so, Gleeson Hedge turns nature back to its true mother: Gaea. Hazel Levesque is not someone you want as an enemy. Her golden eyes, gold like the masks of the judges of the dead, seem to see everything. Her powers grow stronger, but now she is able to control them. One glance, and she can cause an entire legion to scream and writhe in agony as she manipulates the iron in their blood, twists their shining armour, forces weapons to turn on their handlers. She stops wearing normal, mortal clothes, and now she wears flowing dresses of molten gold and bronze that no spear could pierce nor hand touch. She calls on the remnants of metal in the cave in Resurrection Bay to rise, and rise they do, twisting and weaving together at her command to form a cathedral-like vault with a solid Stygian iron throne. At the front of her temple lies a chasm from which her first creation arises, complete and healed, at last. Alcyoneus clambers out of the pit, back with his mother's life and Hazel's burning desire for destruction. And so, after seventy years, Hazel Levesque joins forces with Gaea of her own free will. Frank Zhang's arrows are no longer aimed at Tartarus's monsters, but at the people he once considered friends. The ruins of the Zhang family mansion become a shrine to Gaea, the ancient walls falling in blissful happiness into the Earth Mother's embrace. Frank returns often with fresh skulls, unfailingly whole - his arrow pierces cleanly through the eye every time. His piece of firewood safe in Gaea's belly, protected where no flame could reach, he is unstoppable. His shapeshifting causes unforseen problems with the allies' plans, it's very hard to plan how to fight a lion when he could turn into a swarm of bees at any moment. He is the ultimate spy, a literal fly on the wall, and for once, he feels needed. He feels worth something. He feels as though he is good enough, something the gods could never give. All the gods ever did for Frank, he realises bitterly, is take. His mother. His grandmother. His self-confidence. His chance for a stable, loving family. Nico. And so, Frank Zhang finds a different kind of family, one that will not let him down, in Gaea. Piper McLean never wanted to be a tragic love story; that was purely for her mother's entertainment. She

cuts her hair short. She kills Gaea's enemies on sight. Her charmspeak forces even her old family, Camp Half-Blood, to turn against each other, brother against brother, sister against sister, until bodies litter the strawberry fields and the Big House crumbles to smouldering ashes. The gods have her no love. Their boundaries mean nothing to her any more. Her love extends to her favourite mother, her boyfriend, the rest of the Seven, Grover, Reyna and Hedge. Beyond that, it is poison. Gaea takes her hands, looks into her eyes, and tells Piper that she is more than the spawn of an unfaithful, air-headed immortal, more than the damsel in distress. She tells Piper that she is who she decides to be. And Piper agrees. Gaea gives her the opportunity to be out of others' shadows. Piper McLean takes the chance and joins with Gaea, her charmspeak almost her most dangerous feature, second only to her unbridled wrath when Nico's death is mentioned.

Jason Grace owes fealty to only one eternal goddess now. He scours the Underworld with Hazel and Frank, relentless like the wolves he was brought up with. He knows no bounds, his destruction barely controllable by even Piper and her charmspeak. He has obliterated entire cities, counties, even an entire nation. He feels no regret, no remorse, no nagging guilt. He seeks out and electrocutes homophobes as his powers grow in complexity, along with his ability to control them. No matter how much they scream, the same two words shoot from Jason's scarred lips like the lightning bolts he commands: for Nico. As the darkness inside him grows, the son of Jupiter advances on Olympus, eyes and hands blazing, to destroy his father, as one of Gaea's allies, as one of Gaea's found children. Jason Grace vows by Nico's soul and Gaea's love to destroy the gods who shamelessly abandoned them.

Percy Jackson has been close to the darkness before. As just one examole, he's controlled poison to choke the goddess of misery at the edge of Chaos. But now, Annabeth's words at the time - some things aren't meant to be controlled - strike differently. Percy doesn't follow rules any more. That brooding, troublemaking face now alludes to his new form: gone is the class clown, here is something more akin to a devil. Like Hazel, he has made hundreds of people and monsters shriek in pain as he controls their blood, contorting their bodies into unnatural forms and snapping necks with a mere snap of his fingers. If Nico's death is mentioned around the pair of them - Hazel and Percy - both turn on the individual, eyes smouldering with the deceitfully cool ashes of the fire of grief, and slowly unleash their wrath. Percy cannot be controlled. He wants revenge. Part of him wishes he had never given his mother the head of Medusa to kill Smelly Gabe; it tore him to pieces when he made the fluid in her head seep out of her eyes. But she wouldn't stop begging him to leave Gaea. She had to go. She was no longer loving him as he knew he deserved. Now, Percy Jackson takes his support from the mother he should have accepted long ago: Gaea.

Annabeth Chase did not accept powers from her new mother, her better mother. She chose to use her mind as her weapon and Gaea respected that. Gaea gave her the resources she needed to wreak havoc on mortals and immortals alike. Now, instead of studying for a stupid internship in a misogynistic, capitalist society, Annabeth unleashes her fury, her grief, her mind on the world. The gods deserve to pay for what happened to Nico. The demigods need to feel her grief. The mortals started this stupid cycle of overwork and inadequate pay. Annabeth is ready to work with the mother that respects her, that loves her, that nurtures her as she deserves. And work she does. Plan after plan is developed, improved, redrafted, mocked up, redeveloped, and finally executed with clinical precision. Her mind becomes what her enemies most fear, even above her reputation: first child of Athena in millennia to reach Arachne, retriever of the Athena Parthenos, survivor of Tartarus. And she laughs, laughs in a maniacal way that makes you want to take a step back as she strides towards you, grey eyes alight with an unnatural glint as you realise that she knows everything about you and she knows how this will end. She will not let herself or her friends die. She refuses to let another situation like Nico's death happen again. So, Annabeth Chase takes Gaea's resources and turns them into a mass genocide, executed with her new mother's blessing.

Grover Underwood leads the nature spirits now. He commands dryads to extend their unstoppable tendrils through the paths that Gaea forms for them, deep in the earth, then sending them exploding through the surface and reclaiming all that was torn from them under the pretence of friendship. His empathy link with Percy allows him some degree of control, both over the son of Poseidon and over naiads. Grover is betrayed and bitterly disappointed in Pan, in the gods, in demigods, in mortals, in Nico. And so, he turns nature back home with Gleeson Hedge. The hauntingly beautiful whistling of his pipes lures demigods, mortals, even gods to their doom. Apollo is the first to fall, trapped by the music of the satyr whose horns now make him seem diabolical as he dances in the flames. Grover Underwood finds his roots in Gaea and his revenge in destruction.

Leo Valdez wants to burn the world to ashes. There's not a moment he's not on fire, his hair smouldering, his skin aglow. At his feet lies Hera, trussed up like a rodeo calf, bound by the power of the guardian Leo knows he deserved as a child. There is no Piper with her charmspeak to free the ex-queen; at least, Piper is by Leo's side as he blasts her with his searing flames. There's a smile on Leo's face that rivals even Annabeth's as he torches cities, razes acres and lights up the sky with plumes of smoke and columns of fire. His reasoning feels etched into his heart: the gods let Nico die. The gods let us down one time too many. And so he lets the flames go. Gaea stands behind him, her hand on his shoulder, proud and respectful. She knows that he secretly enjoyed starting the war with New Rome. He has fire powers; it's only natural, and that Octavian is enough to drive anyone mad. So, Leo Valdez finally makes his peace with Gaea.

Will Solace goes out like a light as the news of his beloved's death is announced. He lies, broken and silent, in Gaea's arms, tears streaming down his face. He stirs only for Nico's name, and his eyes turn slowly to whoever dared say it. He reaches out an arm, eyes turning black, leaching all the colour from the surroundings as his whisper echoes: there is no hope. Behind him stands Gaea, a tear of her own on her earthen cheek. She feels his pain, raw and fresh. But she takes some of it onto herself. Will Solace shares his grief with Gaea now.

And so they stand, eyes alight and expressions dark and triumphant, by the side of the goddess who did not want to let Nico die.

Gaea smiles.

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jeannereames · 3 years

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Hi, Dr. Reames. This is probably a dumb question to ask, but I know you´ve been wrting your whole life, I think, so I thought I might ask you anyway, as I admire your work a lot. How do I overcome my fear of writing? It's kinda hard to explain, It's not about what other people will think about my work, It's what I will think of it. I never think it's good enough, in my eyes it's always bad written, unoriginal, boring. Even when I have an idea I love I struggle to get myself because of these thoughts. Any time I write something, when I think about posting it somewhere I´m like “I will cringe so bad for this in a few hours/days/months/years”. Every time I find something I wrote a while ago I think “how could I even think about writing this?” and I know I should take it as part of the progress, failing to win y'know, but instead I find it keeps me from writing and sharing my work, even when I think it is good. I want to write and post my work, I have too many ideas but I don't know how to overcome these fears to actually do it.

Right now I'm struggling with writing a story I have to do for college and give in a few days, but I'm completely blocked. I think it's a ridiculous idea, although I like it a lot, It is making me feel anxious and embarrassed beforehand.

First, I’m answering a little out of order for what’s in my inbox, as the asker mentioned she had a story due in a few days, so it seemed time-specific.

So, let me just open by saying I don’t know any professional author who doesn’t hit that “I hate my story” point somewhere in the midst of writing it. “This is terrible! What was I thinking? Who would be interested in this? Who do I think I am to believe I could write about that/that character?”

Seriously, this is a normal litany, particularly for women authors. (I do not know if the asker is female gendered, gender fluid, or male gendered, but it seems that a lot of folks on Tumblr belong to the first two categories.) After all, we’re taught to sit back, look pretty, keep our legs crossed, our hands neatly folded, and let the boys talk. Let the boys win. Nobody wants to hear from us. Our job is to showcase the men in our lives.

Even if you never heard those words said to your face, you’ve “heard” them in everything from the advertising industry to TV shows and movies to political dialogue and Twitter. It hurts EVERYbody. Men are not expected to question themselves, so if they (naturally) do, they assume they’re secretly a failure. And women are expected to question themselves, apologize for having an opinion/original thought, so they learn to do so from preschool on.

Writing a story that one intends to share with the universe is sort of arrogant, when you think about it. To assume that anybody besides me gives three shits about the stories I tell myself in my head is an act of either great self-confidence or great self-delusion. And if one wants to go pro, we add another layer of expecting other people to pay for my “little whimsies”? Who do I think I am? (Echoes one of the questions above, no…?)

That’s the negative way of thinking about it. Let me turn that around…

Writing a story that one intends to share with the universe is an amazingly generous action.

That’s right. Generous.

I will never recoup in royalties the blood, sweat, tears, (and cost) that it took me to write Dancing with the Lion. I can’t even begin to add up the hours devoted to writing, revising, rewriting, revising again, that story. And you get to read it for $6.99 each, or, if you go for the Riptide special, $8.99 for both! (Pricier if you want a paper copy.)

Some authors don’t go quite as overboard as I did in perfectionism (it’s kinda part and parcel of the phud). Yet even established professional authors with 5-figure advances do not make anywhere close to minimum wage, sometimes not even 6-figure advances (depending on what those 6 figures are). And the bulk of us will never see either of those.

Writers write because they have a story to tell. That’s an act of generosity. You don’t have to like that story. You don’t have to read that story. You may, in fact, think that story is utter crap and should be consigned to the dungheap. (There are some even professionally published novels, never mind self-published, I feel that way about.)

Yet it’s still an act of generosity. And even if I don’t like __ story, probably somebody out there will. More to the point, nobody gets better unless they, you know, actually work at it by writing (and getting useful constructive criticism because virtually nobody is Carson McCullers, to pen a classic at the tender age of 21). So yes, some writers may not be up to publishable quality fiction yet…although what IS publishable quality lies somewhat in the eye of the acquiring editor. But keep going.

The biggest and most munificent leap any author makes is to finish a story, hand it to someone else and say, “Would you like to read this?”

Writers are all but driven to write. I can’t NOT write. I’ve been writing since 6th grade when my English teacher gave us one of those “Use this word in a sentence” assignments and my sentences turned into paragraphs, then into little stories. And she let me get away with it. Lord above, she even encouraged me!

Write. Trust yourself. Share it.

Yes, take constructive criticism if somebody offers it. Ignore unconstructive criticism. The former pinpoints weaknesses with concrete suggestions for how to fix/improve them. The latter is just soul-sucking drivel.

Long, long ago when I was an ambitious but uncertain 18-year-old, I got to hear Lawrence Dorr give a talk on writing. After, I introduced myself and said, “I’m a writer. Well, I want to be. I’m not published yet.”

He stopped me and replied, “Do you write?”

“Yes.”

“Then you’re a writer.”

That has stuck we me, coming from an award-winning published author.

So I will pass that on to every other aspiring author out there.

Do you write? If so, you’re a writer.

#asks #the writing life #writing fiction #encouragement to write #fiction writing #historical fiction

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neonweeknds · 2 years

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enchanted - PART ELEVEN

*u can read here or on ao3*

PART ELEVEN

summary - It’s opening night.

‘New year, new me’

Jan never understood that saying. Here came the time for all of the Instagram posts of people spewing out their goals for the new year that would be forgotten within the first two weeks.

Jan always disliked that saying because just because the year changed, didn’t mean you were going to become some brand new person overnight. The whole phenomenon was an excuse for people to be versions of themselves that they wished they were. How often have you ever met someone that actually pulled through with their New Years’ resolutions?

People put too much pressure on themselves to be something that they weren’t and then they gave up quickly as a result. Maybe that was why Jan never resonated with those words because come a new year, she was still the same old Jan she wished she wasn’t.

This year felt different.

Jan realized coming into the new year that everyone went at their own pace when it came to making a change. She realized the better way to go about change is realizing that you're making small and steady improvements every day. Jan used to bend over backwards to fit in. Every year, like everyone else, she wanted to suddenly transform into this person that she wasn’t for the sake of others.

But after this year, she recognized that she didn’t have to do that. People don't spend enough time loving themselves for who they are and spend too much time idolizing images of what they believed was ‘perfect’, and Jan was guilty of doing that. What she didn’t realize at the time was that there was no such thing as perfect and that change isn't something that was going to happen right away.

It was going to take time and Jan was willing to spend the time needed to change…to make herself better.

Real growth took time.

Which was how Jan found herself going to therapy for the first time. The topic was brought up by a concerned Jackie who witnessed Jan fall into a small depressive episode after she didn’t do so well on a big test that she had.

She just spiralled afterwards.

“Can I ask you something?” Jackie laid beside the blonde, running her fingers through her hair.

Jan hummed and Jackie sighed, “Have you ever considered therapy?”

Jackie said the words like she had been waiting to say them long ago. Jan frowned and turned around, “Hear me out,” Jackie said. “The school offers a really great program for students. And it’s free of charge. I know Crystal did it for a bit when she first moved here…what’s the worse that could happen?” Jackie reasoned.

Jan huffed, “I’ve made it eighteen, almost nineteen years without going to see a therapist...I think I’ll be fine,”

“Jan…” Jackie sighed.

“Jackie I don’t—“ but she paused when she saw her face. Jan knew Jackie was just trying to help. Jackie was far more open than Jan, she was willing to talk things through, figure out the issue whereas Jan was not.

But she was trying.

Jan gave in, allowing her to continue, “Going to therapy is a good thing okay?…I know you, and I know you probably think that going to therapy is like giving up because you can’t get better by yourself and you need someone else’s help. But that’s not a bad thing...it doesn’t mean that you’re giving up, or that you’re weak. Frankly, it means the opposite because you’re actively trying to get better…you’re self-aware that you need a little extra help and that’s okay,”

“If I go see a therapist they’re going to have a stroke within the first five minutes,” Jan grunted.

“Oh cmon, it’ll take more than five minutes,” Jackie joked and managed to get Jan laughing as well. “They’re there to listen to you. Talk about whatever you want…I just think it would benefit you a lot in the long run. I mean, it helped me when I did it,”

This was news to her, “You’ve done therapy?”

Jackie nodded, “After my mom sorta…disowned me, my dad thought it was a good idea. I went for a couple of years but stopped in high school,”

Jan turned on her back and sighed. This clearly meant a lot to her. “I never knew that,”

“We need one sane person in this relationship,” and Jan chuckled, pushing Jackie away from her jokingly. “Think about it at least?” Jackie said.

“Okay,” she nodded.

She thought about it long and hard after that night. Their conversation never settled and Jan thought about it a lot. She never really considered therapy before. Jackie was right, Jan felt like she was admitting defeat if she went to therapy. It was as if she wasn’t good enough to get better on her own.

But maybe that was okay.

Her sisters tried to get her to go to therapy after her parents and Adore passed away but Jan refused. At the time, she had already accepted the fact that no one could take away her pain, no one could make her feel better and no one could fix the broken mess she was inside.

It wasn’t like Jan didn’t want to get better because she wanted that more than anything. She was just scared to once again...to be vulnerable. She felt like a lot of herself had changed and grown in the last few months but then again…there was still plenty of room for even more change and growth.

Jan attended her first therapy session in February. She didn’t like admitting when she was wrong but she felt relieved walking out of her first session with her new therapist. During the beginning, Jan was skeptical, like anyone would be. Her therapist was a lady named DeLa and at first, Jan kept wondering why she was smiling so much. Jan didn’t talk for a while and DeLa wasn’t forcing her to. She always thought therapists were supposed to be overbearing and pushy to try and get you to talk but DeLa was just sitting there, waiting for Jan when she was ready.

And so Jan started to feel a little bad that she might be wasting her time. She contemplated getting up and leaving, apologizing and telling her maybe another time.

But then she remembered Jackie.

She had to do this.

In the end, it wasn’t as bad as she perceived. She felt different, in a good way and therapy became a regular thing for her to attend every week.

In between school, work, the musical, therapy and being an overall friend and girlfriend, Jan was busy.

Her classes this semester had a much bigger load than her previous ones. She was taking some continuations of classes she took in her first semester like acting and vocal techniques but she was starting some new ones like music theory and movement theory. She wasn’t very excited about her anatomy class that was required as a science credit but she would push through it.

Besides, Jackie was a great study partner.

When it came to studying, she had tried to ask Gigi but she was pretty useless when it came to scientific facts about the body rather than what kind of outfit to create for the body. She didn’t even bother asking Crystal because that girl hadn’t taken a science class since high school. She knew nobody in that particular class and when she mentioned it to her girlfriend, Jackie jumped at the opportunity to help her study for the countless quizzes and tests she had.

She never mentioned having trouble in the class to Jackie before mostly because she knew that she was just as busy, with her own classes, her job at Brita’s along with directing Into the Woods.

One night, when Jan was cramming for a test that she had the next day and was practically hyperventilating on her bed, Jackie was being a good girlfriend and surprising her with some smoothies. You can imagine that she was not expecting to walk in on Jan ripping her hair out due to stress with a pile of unorganized flashcards sitting around her bed.

First, Jackie helped calm her down and they spent the whole night studying together. Then, when Jackie asked her why she hadn’t told her about this, they had another talk about why communication was key in a relationship since they both knew this could’ve been avoided if the blonde had just talked to her.

Now it had become routine anytime Jan had a quiz or test in her anatomy class.

Which was a lot.

So for the most part, Jackie was great help.

Jan would go over to Jackie’s or the brunette would go to her dorm to help her study. When Jackie was helping her, it suddenly clicked and Jan went into those tests and quizzes, knowing she was going to ace them. But at the same time, Jackie was very distracting. Every single time they studied together, within twenty minutes they were doing the opposite of reciting all the bones you found in your body.

It was partially Jan’s fault for getting caught staring at Jackie most of the time. She couldn’t help it though, her girlfriend was just so pretty.

And hot.

It wasn’t like Jackie was doing anything to stop it.

Listen, Jan liked sex. Especially now that she knew good sex existed.

Sex with Jackie though, was on a whole different level. She remembered their first time together like it was yesterday. Jan was extremely nervous only because she was still super inexperienced and had only ever had sex with Lemon. Their friends with benefits thing quickly dissipated after the whole…party ordeal. Jan knew Jackie had had a few girlfriends here and there so she was just scared that she was going to fuck something up and embarrass herself.

They had just gotten back from a movie night with a huge group of friends. Jan was staying over at Jackie’s for the night since Gigi already called dibs on having the room to herself with Crystal.

One thing led to another and Jan had officially felt like she had gone to heaven and back. Now they could barely keep their hands off of each other when left alone for longer than five minutes. In Jan’s defence, they still studied when they were together…just not the whole time.

It was mid-march now and times were extremely stressful. Midterms were now finished but that was the least of her problems.

Tonight was opening night for Into the Woods and Jan was close to calling it quits. Over the last few weeks, it had been rehearsals none stop. Although the cast had been practicing on and on for months now, Jan still felt like the second she got on stage she was going to mess up.

This wasn’t Jan’s first production so she didn’t understand why the nerves were eating away at her. She had done plenty of musicals back in Maine in front of a huge group of people. Then again, this wasn’t her small hometown anymore. She was attending a school that had over fifty thousand people. This theatre held a little less than five hundred people. When rehearsing in this theatre after months, it never clicked in Jan’s head how big it actually was.

When she auditioned, she had it in her head that it would only be a very select group of people from her school attending and that was it.

But no.

This musical was open to the public so anyone could waltz in and watch her fall flat on her face or fuck up a high note.

Everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off. It was absolute madness because, in less than thirty minutes, the show would start.

It wasn’t like Jan felt underprepared, because she was prepared. Hell, they even pushed opening night back by a whole month and a half to assure that everything was perfect. Jan knew Jackie was happy about that because if they had done the show in January like they originally had planned, nothing would have gone right. They were now going to be running the musical until the end of May, doing shows on the weekends only while they rehearsed during the week.

Jan knew the reason she was nervous tonight was that everyone she knew was here. Lagoona, Rosé who surprisingly came with Denali, Gigi, Crystal, Jaida, Widow, Rock, Heidi and a lot more. Not to mention everyone else from her school, professors and random strangers.

Talk about pressure.

She had even gotten flowers from Jinkx, who wished she could be here on opening night but Jan promised her boss some tickets for another show. At rehearsals this morning, Jan got another delivery of flowers from the one and only Lemon. She was out of town right now for a dance competition so she couldn’t make it, again promising to catch another show of hers.

She and Lemon had become increasingly closer over the last few months. Turns out, Jan and Lemon were much better friends than what they were previously. Lemon was still pretty hopelessly in love with her ex, Priyanka. Jan started talking to Lemon again a little after the Christmas holidays, apologizing profusely for everything that had happened. Lemon opened up saying that she and Priyanka got to talking again and that they were working on getting back together. A few short weeks later, Lemon was calling to tell her the exciting news that they were back to being girlfriends again.

Jan had just finished doing her makeup and she was being laced up in her dress for the first scene. “Knock, knock,” someone called. Jan peaked her head around the foldable changing wall that was set up for them to be able to do quick changes. Jan was greeted with her roommate’s beaming smile.

“Awe...you came to see me, how sweet,” Jan smiled.

“Just making sure you’re still intact,” Gigi laughed, “For you, miss broadway star,” she said and handed her a beautiful bouquet of pink roses.

“Thanks, Geeg...I really appreciate you coming to spend your Friday night watching me bomb in front of hundreds of people,”

“Bomb? No, I did not drag my ass here on a Friday to watch you bomb! You’re gonna kill it!” Gigi insisted.

She sighed but nodded nonetheless, “Where’s Crystal?” Jan asked, changing the subject.

Gigi shrugged, “Getting our seats...I think,”

“So you left her all alone,” Jan said.

“Fine, next time I won’t surprise you and bring you flowers like a good roommate and best friend would do,” Gigi said and Jan jokingly shoved her. “She’s fine, she’s literally just holding our seats— holy crap, by the way, it was so packed in there already, literally full—“ but Gigi stopped talking once she saw Jan’s worried face. “I mean, it’s sooooooo empty out there…a total ghost town…”

“It’s fine, everything is fine. It’s fine,” Jan said.

“Uh—“

“Everything’s gonna be good. I’m calm, I’m calm—“

“Are you sure? Because you’re squishing the flowers…” Gigi pointed out to Jan’s hand that was clutching the roses tightly.

“Ugh!” she set them down on a nearby table, “Why did five-year-old me have to discover that Hannah Montana karaoke machine? Is it too late to become a doctor? Lawyer maybe? Oh, I know! I’ll be a pilot, they make bank and they don’t have to sing in front of five hundred people!” Jan panicked.

Gigi placed a hand on her hip, “Okay, first of all, you got a paper cut the last time we got coffee and you couldn’t even look at your own finger, much less internal organs! Second of all, Legally Blonde is not a good representation of being a lawyer and you need to stop thinking it is! You’re not going to be like Elle Woods if you magically become one! Third of all, a pilot? Really? They might not have to sing in front of people but they are responsible for getting across the world and honestly, how will you do that if you get lost walking back to your dorm?...Jan, this is your moment, okay? You’re going to go out there, absolutely destroy your part in the best way, wow the fuck out of everybody out there and make everyone fall in love with you! Got it? And I’m not taking no for an answer,” Gigi said.

“Okay but-“

“Nope, I’m not having this. Repeat after me—“

“Gigi? Really?”

“Repeat!” she shouted, “I, Jan Mantione…”

Jan gave up and sighed, “I, Jan Mantione…”

“Broadway megastar—“

Jan rolled her eyes, “Hardly,” she mumbled under her breath thinking Gigi wouldn’t catch it. But she did and she gave Jan the stink eye. “Broadway megastar…” Jan repeated.

“Am going to crush tonight’s show, because this is what I was meant to do,” she finished.

“Am going to crush tonight’s show, because this is what I was meant to do,” Jan said.

“Now, I’m not tolerating any of this negativity. I know you’re nervous but babe, you’ve been rehearsing for months on end. You could recite this shit in your sleep. And I would know because you’ve done it before—“

“Uh? I have not!” Jan defended.

“Why do you think I invested in earplugs?”

Jan scoffed, “Whatever,”

“Now channel your inner Cinderella and play that role like your life depends on it— because it kinda does,” she said.

Jan truly loved her best friend at that moment, “You’re annoying,”

“Yet you still love me,” Gigi batted her eyelashes, “I love you, you’re gonna do amazing,”

“Love you too, Geeg…now go find your poor girlfriend,”

“See you out there! Good luck!”

And with those final words, her roommate’s head of blond hair disappeared again. She had to admit, seeing Gigi helped a lot. She did feel slightly less nervous now— only slightly but it was better than nothing.

Jan watched as some of the crew members walked by and it instantly reminded her of Jackie. She hadn’t seen Jackie since this morning when she left her dorm. Undoubtedly, she was probably just as nervous, if not more than Jan. She knew how much this whole thing meant to Jackie. She had poured her heart and soul into this musical along with the other directors and she was so proud to see it come to life after months of working.

Jan was fixing her hair when she saw her walk by in the mirror. A clipboard practically glued to her hand and a head seat on, Jackie was giving instructions to one of the tech guys in the crew. He was nodding vigorously and Jan knew how intense Jackie could be, especially right now. She turned around, ready to walk away but Jan caught her arm.

“Hey— long time no see,”

Jackie’s intense face melted away immediately as she smiled, “You look absolutely stunning,”

“And you look like you’re going to punch the next person who fucks something up,”

Jackie rolled her eyes, “It’s not my fault half of the tech department has zero brain cells! You should’ve seen what this one little freshman was trying to do—“

“Freshman standing right here,” Jan’s scoffed jokingly.

Jackie huffed, “Sorry— I just need this to go well! Oh! Also! My dad just called me and he said that he ran into Michelle fucking Visage! Now, this whole night has to go extra perfect or else I quit my directing career before it even starts!”

Jan’s eyes widened, “Michelle Visage? Like the critic?”

Jackie nodded and Jan gulped.

She was good...she was cool, calm and collected. Definitely not screaming on the inside.

Michelle Visage was a huge deal when it came to anything broadway. To have her come to a show was an honour in itself but her critiques on broadway musicals were taken extremely seriously by others. If she gave the show a bad review, this wouldn’t bode well for the next weeks they’re supposed to be performing. “How did she even—“ Jan asked.

Jackie shrugged, “I have no idea! I mean, this is a huge deal but at the same time I would rather anyone else here than her to critique the fucking show! My dad said the resting bitch face was even scarier in person!” she sighed.

“Okay…okay, it’ll be fine! We’ve been practicing for months now and— wait! Did you say your dad? Your dad is here?” the words finally registering into her brain.

“Uh yeah! I thought I told you that? He flew in this morning…” Jackie said.

Jan shook her head immediately, “No, you definitely did not mention that your dad was going to be here!”

Jackie looked guilty for a second, “Oops,”. Jan felt more panicked about meeting Jackie’s dad than doing the show in front of five hundred people and Michelle Visage. Was this how Jackie felt when she was meeting her sisters? “Baby, don’t worry. He’s gonna love you, okay?”

Suddenly, Jackie was being called over by Monét. Jackie gestured that she would be a moment before giving Jan her full attention again, “In ten minutes, you’re going to go out there and kill it,”

Jan nodded, “So are you. We both are,”

“I love you,” Jackie whispered against her lips, “Thank you for just…being you,”

“I love you too. So much,” Jan smiled and the couple locked lips for the last time until the show was over.

“Break a leg!” Jackie smiled and Jan nodded, “Good luck,” she said as she watched Jackie kick back into director mode with Monét.

Jan didn’t have much time to do anything but a bathroom break before she was being whisked away to the stage along with her other cast members. Suddenly, one of the stage managers was counting down from 3, 2, 1 and the opening notes of the first song started playing.

If Jan had to describe what it felt like being on stage she would say exhilarated. Her adrenaline was pumping and all the nerves she previously felt dissipated. In the back of her mind, Jan knew there were less than five hundred people in the audience but if you told her there were over a thousand, she would believe you. It just seemed to stretch on and on. There was this really zen, focused thing that happened with such a big audience when they got really into what you’re doing. Even if they thought Jan was doing a shitty job at performing her role...she felt too accomplished and too proud to stress about any of them. It was still and surprisingly peaceful. Although Jan knew there were hundreds of eyes on her, they didn’t seem to matter at all.

She felt most at home on stage...she felt like she had really come alive, singing her heart out for the audience.

The whole musical was two hours long but Jan felt like it had passed by in ten minutes. Soon enough, their first show was over.

She couldn’t wait to do it again.

Her favourite part was when at the very last scene when they sang the finale of Children Will Listen. The second the last strum of strings hit and the crowd erupted into applause was something Jan would never forget. She caught sight of Jackie, all the way in the back of the auditorium clapping and smiling brightly.

At that moment, Jan saw herself doing this onstage at sixty and honestly, she couldn’t wait.

She wasn’t sure exactly how it happened but Jan went from hugging Jaida to suddenly being faced with Michelle Visage.

Jackie’s dad was right about her resting bitch face. Her hair was slicked back into a high ponytail, she had on glasses and a pantsuit along with expensive-looking heels. She was stood beside Jackie who looked surprisingly calm to be standing someone who had such a big influence in the whole broadway community. Frankly, Jan couldn’t care less about Michelle and she just wanted to kiss Jackie and tell her how amazing the show went.

“Jan Mantione?” she asked and Jan nodded. Michelle finally broke her stoic facial expression and gave the blonde a small smile, “I’m Michelle Visage. It’s nice to meet you,”

Jan smiled, shaking her hand, “It’s nice to meet you too. Thank you for coming...did you like the show?” she hesitated a bit when asking that last part. Jan wasn’t really sure how she was supposed to behave in front of someone like her.

Michelle sighed, “No, I didn’t like it,”

Jan physically felt like her heart had just shattered. She didn’t even want to look at Jackie’s expression right now. Jan opened her mouth but she couldn’t find the words to say. Luckily, Michelle beat her to it, “I didn’t like it because I loved it,”

“Oh my god,” Jan laughed in relief, “You really shouldn’t scare people like that,” Jan said.

Michelle cracked another smile at her reaction, “Gotta live up to my reputation,” and Jan instantly knew that Michelle wasn’t the person everyone made her out to be. “I was really impressed honestly…that’s not meant to be a read either,” she laughed, “It’s just...you guys are college kids and this was insanely well-produced, well-directed, everything was just wow— I really don’t have anything bad to say. Especially you, Jan. Wow times a million. I hear you’re a freshman?” she asked her.

Jan nodded and Michelle seemed even more impressed, if that was possible at this point, “I don’t usually do this…” she reached into her bag and handed Jan a business card, “I know you’re still in school but, over the summer, I have some great internship opportunities for you. If you’re interested, of course,”

Jan grabbed the card without hesitation, “Um obviously!” but then she realized how unprofessional that might’ve come off, “I mean, yes of course I would be. Thank you so much,”

Michelle nodded and turned to Jackie, “Great work. All of you,”

“Thank you for coming to the show Ms. Visage, seriously, what an honour,” Jackie said.

“The pleasures all mine…now I must get going. Have a great run and congratulations again,” and with that, she disappeared through the crowd.

Jan was still stunned at the moment, “Did Michelle Visage just say she liked my directing,” Jackie said, starstruck.

“Yes, she fucking did! Jacks! This is huge!” Jan screeched, jumping into her girlfriends’ arms and holding on as she spun her around. “My career isn’t over!” Jackie screamed, “And baby she loved you!”

“I can’t believe Michelle Visage liked my performance!”

“You fucking killed it, baby,” Jackie smiled, “You were born to be a star,” and she placed her lips on Jan’s.

They continued kissing until they heard a voice approach. “Um was that Michelle fucking Visage?”

The couple broke apart and turned around to see Crystal, Gigi, her sisters, Denali and an unfamiliar face who Jan instantly knew was Jackie’s dad. The one who spoke was Rosé.

“You actually know who that is?” Jan said to her sister.

“I can be cultured about broadway stuff,” she scoffed.

Jan rolled her eyes, “You’re smiling so that means she didn’t shit on your dreams, right?” Rosé asked.

Jackie grinned, “She loved the musical! Said she was really impressed!”

The whole group burst into cheers, congratulating Jackie and Jan. “You guys killed it, Jan, I had no idea you could sing like that!” Denali praised.

“Thanks!”

“I’m so freaking proud of you Jan! My little baby’s all grown up!” Gigi fake tearing up as she pulled Jan into a bone-crushing hug. “You were insane out there!” she let go of Jan and looked towards Jackie, “And you are freaking insane for putting this together! Congrats you two!” Gigi said.

“It was really good!” Crystal added.

Gigi leaned over and whispered, “She almost cried,” and Jan giggled. Crystal immediately gave Gigi a look, “Stop telling people I almost cried!”

Gigi smiled, “I get it! The giant dying is really sad,”

“Really? You cried at that part?” Jan said.

“No better than Goona here crying in the first scene,” Rosé interrupted.

Lagoona scoffed, “Oh sure, throw me under the bus now…I can’t help it! I’m just so proud of you, I can’t believe this is your first big broadway show!” Lagoona smiled.

“Thanks, Goona. And thank you all for coming to the show!” Jan said, “If you guys want, there’s free drinks in the lounge back there—“

“Already on it!” Rosé yelled and quickly enough, everyone followed her and Jan and Jackie were left alone again.

Well almost.

“You girls absolutely smashed it— is that was kids are saying these days?” Jackie’s dad chuckled as he shrugged.

“You liked it?” Jackie asked.

“I would come to watch it every single show if I could,” he nodded, “Really proud of you, kiddo,”

Jan watched almost in awe at Jackie interacting with her dad. It was clear they had a special connection and Jan loved seeing Jackie like this. “You must me Jan, my daughter won’t shut up about you,”

Jan snapped back to reality, “It’s so nice to meet you, Mr. Cox,”

“None of that formal crap, please. It makes me feel old, do you think I’m old, Jan?” he questioned.

Jan was stunned, “What? No—“

“I’m very sensitive about my age, now why would you bring that up—“

“But no! I wasn’t—“

Her dad burst out laughing and Jan paused momentarily, “I’m kidding! Sorry! It’s a rule, I always gotta mess with Jackie’s girlfriends! Man, they always get freaked out,”

Jackie sighed like she knew it was inevitable, “I forgot to warn you he’d do that” she said.

He shrugged, “Too late, I can’t break tradition now,”

“It’s a tradition to scare my girlfriends?”

“Does she look scared? Jan, are you scared?” her dad asked.

Jan laughed, “Scared? No. A little confused? Maybe,” she joked.

“I like you,” is all her dad says, “Much better than that backstabbing model,”

“Dad!” Jackie gaped.

“Thank you, I second that opinion,” Jan giggled and she looked over at Jackie and shrugged, “What? You know it’s true,”

Jackie just shook her head in amusement, “You gonna come to the after-party?” she asked her dad. “And what? Party with a bunch of twenty-year-olds?” he laughed, “I’m perfectly fine in my hotel room. I think I’ll skedaddle now actually…we’ll meet up for lunch before I leave, okay?” he said.

Jackie nodded, pulling her dad in for a hug, “Congratulations on the show you two. Nice to meet you Jan,” and he surprisingly gave Jan in for a hug as well.

They were finally left alone again, backstage being fairly empty. Pretty soon, the whole cast and crew of the musical were headed to an after-party at some sort of club. “I think tonight calls for a celebration, what d’you think?” Jan smiled.

Jackie smirked, leaning in closer, “I can think of a few ways we can celebrate” she whispered.

The after-party was fun but it was the last thing on Jan’s mind. The whole time at the club, Jackie kept relentlessly teasing her, whether it be a hand on her inner thigh while they were sitting down at the bar, a hand on her ass while they danced or even deep sensual kisses that had Jan melting on the spot, she wouldn’t stop teasing.

Jan was frustrated because all she wanted to do was rip Jackie’s clothes off but she couldn’t. They were in a crowded bar, with a group of their friends and Jan didn’t really want to have sex in a dingy club bathroom.

Jan had been nursing a single vodka soda all night because she knew they had another show tomorrow and she couldn’t risk being hungover. Most of her friends were drunk now. She was currently watching an extremely intoxicated Gigi try and braid a strangers hair. Jackie was sitting beside her, drinking the same thing as her as she talked to Widow about…something.

Jan didn’t know and honestly, she didn’t care because she was too distracted by the hand that was inching closer and closer to her inner thigh as the seconds ticked by. Jackie was very aware of what she was doing because anytime Jan tried to inch away, the brunette was scooting with her.

“That’s crazy…I can’t believe he did that,” Jackie shook her head at whatever Widow just said. Jan tried to pay attention to their conversation but she missed out entirely on what they were talking about, “Insane…” Jan chimed in. Jackie carried on the conversation as if her fingers weren’t two inches away from her underwear. Jan blamed herself because she chose to wear a dress tonight, giving Jackie plenty of access. All she was thinking about was what was to come later tonight when they went back to her place.

Jan zoned out again until she felt the band of her underwear being lifted and snapped back against her skin, causing her to jolt, her knee hitting the underside of the table in the process. The club was blaring music still, so nobody heard what cause Jan to move like that. Immediately, Widow gave her a look, “You good girl?”

“Yeah, you zoned out for a second there,” Jackie added and Jan knew what kind of game she was playing.

“I’m perfectly fine— doing great,” she said through gritted teeth. Widow shrugged as if she was used to this by now.

Once again, they continued talking as if Jackie’s hand wasn’t under her dress right now. This time, she focused on the dance floor where she spotted Gigi and Crystal dancing to Low with Jaida close by. Jan was biting her lip so hard she was sure it was going to start bleeding.

The thing was, although Jackie was teasing the shit out of Jan, she liked it.

It just made her more eager.

Jan felt Jackie’s fingers move past the band of her underwear and the second she felt them graze her center, she bolted upright. She knew Jackie could feel how wet she was getting, “Um,” she realized Widow’s and Jackie’s eyes were on her, her girlfriend sporting a shit-eating grin, “I’m not feeling the best right now. Can we go? Just so I can rest before tomorrow,” Jan added.

They bid goodbye to their friends and hitched a taxi back to Jackie’s dorm. The whole ride back was a blur to Jan. Her leg was bouncing up and down because Jackie’s hand still managed to stay glued to her thigh. The ride seemed to last forever as Jan’s arousal tripled by the minute.

The second they got inside the building and the elevator doors closed, Jan was pouting. “You’re mean,”

Jackie smirked, “It’s not my fault you chose to wear the shortest dress known to mankind,” and luckily they were alone otherwise a stranger would’ve gotten an eyeful of her girlfriend grabbing her ass.

Jan visibly melted under her touch and it just drove Jackie’s ego up the wall. The elevator doors reopened and Jackie wasted no time in dragging her back to their dorm, locking the door behind them immediately when they entered. “Don’t act like you weren’t teasing me back there either,” Jackie tutted.

Jan’s mouth fell open, “Uh I was not—“

“Because sitting on my lap instead of the empty chair beside me is completely normal, right?” and Jan shut her mouth instantly because she knew Jackie was right. Back at the club, Jan was getting visibly and sexually frustrated with Jackie so when they sat down for a bit after dancing, she planted herself right on her girlfriends’ lap, making sure to readjust and move as often as possible, giving her a taste of her own medicine.

“If you wanted to leave so I could fuck you, all you had to do was ask, baby” Jackie smiled, pushing Jan against the nearest wall, her lips finding the underside of Jan’s neck.

“Jackie…” Jan whined.

“Hm,” she hummed in response. Jackie’s hands were roaming every inch of Jan’s body.

“Please…”

Jan could feel Jackie smirk against her neck, “Still waiting for you to use your words…”

Jan huffed. “Tell me what you want, baby,” Jackie said.

For once, Jan ignored her stubborn nature and gave in, “Jackie, I need you to fuck me,”

Jackie satisfied with the answer, mumbled a quiet “Good girl,” that had Jan’s knees shaking. She knew exactly what to do to make Jan turn into putty.

Jackie’s hand slid from Jan’s waist to under her dress like she had done earlier in the night, her hand moved past her underwear, tracing her fingers along Jan’s slit. “Look at how wet you are already and I’ve barely touched you,”

Jan moaned and instantly spread her legs, allowing Jackie to have easy access. “It’s your fault,” Jan said shakily.

“It’s my fault you were thinking about me fucking you while we were out with our friends?” Jackie tapped the inside of Jan’s thigh, “Is that what you were thinking about?” she ran her fingers along Jan’s slit again. Jan didn’t answer, too caught up in the sensation of Jackie’s fingers.

“Tell me,” Jackie insisted.

Jan snapped back to reality once she no longer felt Jackie’s fingers, missing the feeling already. She nodded immediately, “I was,”

Jackie instantly slid two fingers inside of Jan, causing her to moan loudly as her head fell forward onto Jackie’s shoulder. Jan could barely stand up straight as Jackie thrust her fingers inside and out of Jan.

Suddenly everything stopped and Jan whined when she felt Jackie remove her fingers. “I don’t think you want me to fuck you against a wall, no matter how needy you might be,”

Jackie dragged a completely fucked out Jan to her bedroom, where she threw the blonde on her bed. Jan felt hazy, her hair sprawled out on the bed as Jackie crawled on top of her. Jackie felt for the zipper on the side of Jan’s dress and slid it down slowly, removing the purple material from Jan’s body, leaving her in just a pair of white lace bra and panties.

“You’re a vision,” Jackie whispered before crashing their lips together. Jan was whining delicately because she never wanted to stop kissing Jackie but at the same time, she just wanted her fingers back inside of her. Jan’s hands found their way underneath Jackie’s top and gestured for her to pull it off, along with the rest of her clothes. No matter how many times they had seen each other naked, Jan would never get tired of it.

Jan hooked her leg around Jackie’s body and pulled her close so their skin was against one another. The only thing that was separating them were their undergarments but they were thrown onto the floor soon after.

Jackie began kissing a slow path along Jan’s chest and then up her neck, humming at the small noises Jan was making. “Touch me, please,” Jan managed to say.

Jackie didn’t waste time.

She hovered over Jan, using her leg to keep hers spread open. She kissed down Jan’s stomach and kept making her way down further and further. The longer she took the more eager Jan was. Jackie was so close, she felt her breath against her skin. “Jackie—“ but she didn’t even get to finish her sentence as she was cut off by Jackie placing tiny kisses around her clit. Jan moaned and gripped the bedding as her tongue began flicking over her folds.

Of all the times they have had sex, it felt different, new and exciting every single time.

Catching Jan off guard, Jackie’s tongue flicked against her clit making her gasp and reach to grab ahold of her girlfriend’s hair. Jackie looked up at Jan, silently asking for permission before she slid two fingers inside of the blonde as she also wrapped her lips around Jan’s clit.

The feeling of both actions at the same time was enough to send Jan’s head flying backwards onto the bed as she moaned and writhed underneath Jackie’s touch. She knew she was being loud, she wouldn’t be surprised if the whole building could hear her sinful moans. She tried to quiet herself but the way Jackie’s tongue was working on her clit at the same time her fingers were pumping in and out of her was physically impossible.

Plus she knew how much Jackie loved how loud she was in bed.

Jan’s entire body twitched when she felt Jackie’s finger curl inside of her, “Holy fuck,” Jan moaned. Her thighs began to twitch and it was hard to keep still even with Jackie’s leg holding her in place.

“You look so pretty baby, laid out like this…desperate for me to touch you,” Jackie said against her center as she watched from below.

Jan nodded eagerly, “Please don’t stop, Jackie”, she whined.

Who was Jackie to deny her of that? She continued her movements until Jan was a mess of incoherent whines and moans, gripping anything that was near as she came on Jackie’s tongue.

Jan was completely blissed out, head against the bedding and eyes shut. Jackie crawled up beside her, placing a kiss on her lips, Jan immediately tasting herself. Suddenly, Jackie was pressed up against the bed as Jan had swung herself on top of her girlfriend, continuing to kiss her.

Their night of celebration was not even close to ending.

Jan was woken up at noon the next morning by loud screaming, coming from outside of Jackie’s bedroom.

Jan bolted upright out of bed and ran out the room, “What? What’s happening?” she shouted, “Is there a fire? Murderer? Lady Gaga is going on tour? What?” she added.

Jackie stood in the middle of her kitchen, hand over her mouth in shock, tears brimming in her eyes. “Jacks…? What’s going on?”

Jackie shook her head and removed the hand from her mouth, revealing a smile. Relief filled Jan that it wasn’t anything bad but she was still left confused.

“Michelle Visage released the article…” she trailed off.

“And…” Jan was a little afraid to hear what Jackie had to say.

“Come here,” Jackie gestured beside her and handed her the phone that was open to the article already.

Jan began reading slowly and soon enough she understood exactly what Jackie was feeling because she felt it too. “Oh my god!” she shouted.

“I know!” Jackie said in response.

“This is like— this is fucking huge!” Jan screeched.

Jackie nodded, “Uh-huh! It’s major! This—“ she paused, “This review could quite literally jumpstart my career! And yours! Everyone who was in the musical!”

Jan couldn’t believe it.

She read the article over and over again and she still couldn’t believe that it was real. “The entire musical was organized by university students of NYU and it is some of the best directing, producing, acting and singing I have seen in my entire career,”

Both Jan and Jackie screamed in unison after reading that part of the article.

Jan really could not believe her eyes, “And if you can resist its luscious newcomer, Jan Mantione, who is only eighteen years old, you are beyond the help of potions and spells,” Jan was smiling from ear to ear.

She continued reading, “The whole musical was able to come together impeccably due to the tireless work put in by the directors, Jackie Cox, Monét X Change and Tina Burner. If you haven’t seen this adaptation yet…what are you waiting for?” she finished.

Both girls looked at each other in utter shock.

And it was just the beginning.

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thewritepages · 3 years

Text

The Diary of the Older Collegiate (#TheFreshman Series) (2)

Synopsis : Annabelle Green is somewhat in a situation no thirty year woman would want to find herself in : (Un) Happily divorced, childless and with a job worth peanuts and migraine. The downward spiral of her life doesn't seem to end anytime soon until her sister reminds her of her most cherished dream.

College.

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

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MAY 10, 2019

3.30 A.M.

----------------------------------------------------

Maybe Kat was right- A few days away has done me good.

I've actually stopped bawling every ten minutes. I have even managed to sleep for five hours straight last night, which is a significant improvement.

My family members quickly realized that I had to no intention to talk about the disastrous interview or about my estranged husband. Instead, they've tried distracting me with all sorts of things-

Mum: "Anna, darling, come here and help us with the gardening."

Me: "Who's the other person in the 'we'?"

Kat: (appearing out of nowhere) "That would be me."

Me: "Okay, fine. Wait...Mum. Didn't you complain of knee pain? You may have arthritis! You need to stop exerting yourself."

Mum: "Oh, Anna, really, it isn't so bad-"

Me: "And you, Kat, what do you think you're doing here? Without GLOVES?? You may develop toxoplasmosis! Do you know how toxic-"

Kat: (rolling her eyes) "Oh, now enough already Miss Know-It-All. I was going to wear them! Would you please-"

Me: "On second thoughts, gloves won't suffice. According to Youronlinegynac.com, You have to make sure you wear long sleeve blouses, long trousers, rain boots and a mask, for good measure."

Mum: "Anna-"

Me: "Plus, you're carrying twins for heaven's sake. Don't you ever read pregnancy articles? You must give your back as much rest as possible-"

Kat: "I JUST GOT OUT OF BED-"

Me: "Back to you, Mum. The morning sun is not very good for your aging skin. I think-"

Kat: "You know what, Anna? Never mind about us. You should probably go back to sleep."

Jeez, so much for being considerate.

So, yeah. That's what I've been the entire week – Eat, Read and Watch Movies. Sometimes, Kat pops in to chat but storms away ten minutes later claiming that my "Ridiculous Internet Articles" exasperates her. I completely fail to understand why she gets so agitated about it. The other day when I told her all about Kim K's regime for fighting flabby abdomen and about her extremely shapely hips despite having four kids, all she did was glare at me for a full minute and then stomps away.

Must be the hormones.

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MAY 11, 2019

3.30 A.M.

----------------------------------------------------

IT'S DEFINITELY THE HORMONES.

I MEAN, HOW COULD SHE - I WOULD NEVER – IT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE –

Calm down, Anna. Deep breaths. In and out. In and out.

Okay... let's just rewind all that.

About two hours ago, I was just roaming around the house, munching on Pop Tarts, having nothing else to do with sleep permanently erased from my mind. Passing through the corridor, I suddenly spotted the narrow staircase leading up to the attic.

Deciding to go check out the old stuff stashed up there, I climbed up the rickety staircase, opening up the dusty wooden door. As I rifled through old furniture and documents, a familiar cardboard box caught my eye. It was labeled "ANNA'S STUFF. DO NOT TOUCH." In my old scrawly handwriting. As my gaze lingers on the label, memories seep into my mind. Why did I skip college? Why did I leave town? Why did I sacrifice everything...for him?

With shaky hands, I open the box.

The box was filled with dozens of college applications, unfinished application essays and my high school books. I touched the frayed sheets, decaying with years, wondering how life would have been, if I had just taken the chance.

"Anna! What happened? " Kat dropped down beside me, breathing heavily.

"Kat! Why did you come up here? The latest article in the Mom-to-be e-magazine says that –"

"Oh, will you just stop with your goddamn articles and tell me what the hell is wrong? Why are you crying?" Her gaze shifted to the box.

"What's in that?"

I quickly closed the lid. "Nothing, nothing. I'm just being my usual pathetic self, I guess." I wiped my cheeks hastily.

"Aw. C'mere, Annie." She opens her arms wide, offering comfort. I accepted it gratefully.

"Okay. Now tell me what's wrong."

Despite my state of weakness, I still found the strength to roll my eyes at her. "Really? You want me to tell you the messy details of my marriage, once again?"

"Oh lord, not that. I'm sick of hearing your big, sad story." I let out a sad chuckle. "The other reason for your misery. There's something else, I know it."

I sniffed. "How do you 'know'? "

"I just...know."

"Jeez, and I thought I was the weird one."

She broke away from the embrace and looked at me right in the eye.

"Now, will you stop deflecting the topic and tell me what the hell is wrong with you?"

I looked here and there for some distraction. A few moments later, I realized that I was trapped.

"It's nothing, really."

"I'll be the judge of that." She smiled kindly at me.

And that was it. I began to bawl like a two year old.

"I wish I never skipped college. I wish I never gave up on my dream. I wish I'd waited like you d-did. "I swallow the huge lump in my throat. "And you know what's the worst part? I gave up everything, for that...that bastard!" I threw my face in my lap, muffling my high decibel cry.

Kat, on the other hand, waits patiently. Ten minutes later, I sit up straight, staring at her with bloodshot eyes.

"So...no words of comfort or consolation?"

"Why is there a need for that when the solution is right in front of you?"

"What do you mean?"

Her face grows impatient. "You sound like you're eighty and lying on your deathbed or something. You have so much of life ahead of you, so many opportunities waiting for you."

I shake my head, still not getting the point.

All of the sudden, she grabs my face tightly and looks at me with happiness glimmering in her eyes.

"You wanted to attend college, right? Get a degree? Discover your talents? This is the moment, Anna! You can finally live your dream!"

I stare at her for a solid minute. And then I stare at her some more.

"Well?" she inquires.

"Me? Attend college? Now?"

She nods vigorously. "This is your chance, Anna. What's there to stop you?"

I blink. She blinks.

Suddenly, I explode into a full-fledged, insane laughter. I laugh and I laugh, till my cheeks hurt.

Kat waits again, calmly as ever. She appraises me grimly. "If you're done with the schizophrenic behavior, would you be kind enough to tell me what you found so funny about what I said?"

"What's funny about it? Seriously? I'll tell you what's funny." I stand in front of her. "Look at me. I'm a thirty year old divorced, childless woman with nothing to look forward to. I've spent my entire life listening to complaints, be it from my boss in office or from my husband back home. Now that my darling husband has got rid of me, I have to work extra shifts to pay the rent, the bills, everything."

"So what, Anna? This is what you've always wanted to do. You are an intelligent, young"- I snorted-"independent woman, as far as I've seen you. You deserve a fun college experience, even if you think you're twelve years late for it."

"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, Kat, but I really am twelve years too late to apply. And anyway, which college will be willing to take me in?"

"Any college would be lucky to have you, Annabelle Green. Just you wait and watch." She strides out of the attic, determined and excited.

Oh, well. Now that I think of it, all of this was probably a part of the mood swings she goes through. I bet she'll forget all of this by breakfast time.

Yeah, nothing to worry about.

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A/N :

Hi there, thank you for taking the time to read my new diary styled new ChickLit series:

"The Diaries of an Older Collegiate"(#TheFreshman).

If this chapter ignited an interest for this series, please let me know by reblogging or sending me a message. It helps a lot and keeps me motivated. Till then stay healthy :)

Love and Kisses,

D <3

#chicklit #teenagers #young adult #writers on tumblr #womenwritingfiction #fiction #funnyshit #college life #university #holy heck #literature #romance #diariesoftheoldercollegiate

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