#tw negative self talk
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Meet Me After the Show
Eddie and his band, Corroded Coffin are starting to make it big, concerts, recording deals, the whole nine yards, but they’re still kind of underground. You’re their number one fan, head over heels for their heartthrob lead singer/guitarist.
Back at it again with the filth. 😈
Warnings for poor self-esteem/body image issues. Rockstar!Eddie x PlusSize!Virgin!Reader, Praise Kink, Dirty Talk, Pet-names (sweetheart/princess), Oral(Male and Female Receiving) Implications of Free-use, Cum Eating
MINIORS DNI
Credit to @pitifulbaby on the photo
You stood in line anxiously waiting your turn to take a photo after the Corroded Coffin show. Their lead singer/guitarist was your celebrity crush and you were swooning at the sight of him, all sweaty from the performance, his wild hair swishing as he spoke with his fans animatedly, you eye his bare arms lingering on his tattoos. Before too long it’s your turn, you step forward and he’s beaming at you, looking you right in the eyes, his chocolate brown irises twinkling. “Hello, so nice to meet you! What’s your name?”
“Y/n.” You answer shyly. “It’s lovely to meet you too.”
“I’m Eddie.” he gestures to himself as if you don’t know. He gasps suddenly and his hand darts out grabbing your wrist, he holds your arm alongside his own, “Awww, look we match.” He lines up his bat tattoo with your own that you’d gotten in honour of him.
You blush looking away, he drops your arm and positions himself for a photo, pulling you in close.
“Smile,” he whispers in your ear.
You feel like you’re floating on a cloud, everything about the experience feels so surreal.
You step back expecting the interaction to be over after the photo is taken, but he’s pulling you back in for a hug, whispering into your ear again, “If you wanna stick around for a bit I’ll be back once the crowd clears.” He steps back giving you a wink.
What? What was that? You can’t believe your ears, you nod mutely before stepping away.
The crowd had dissipated and you’ve been standing off to the side waiting for 20 minutes… 30 minutes… an hour, feeling more and more ridiculous by the minute. Maybe you’d misheard him, maybe he didn’t really mean anything by it, maybe it was the sort of thing he said to all the girls. After all, what would he want with someone like you? You’d had this sort of thing your whole life, guys only ever asking you out as a joke, making fun of you, doing the stupidest shit just to embarrass and humiliate you. You could feel tears beginning to prick at the corner of your eyes, balling up your fist No, no don’t cry, don’t be dumb, just leave you think to yourself trying to suppress your emotions. But then you see him, trotting towards you, curls bouncing, smiling widely.
“Hey, there you are. Sorry you had to wait so long, got caught up signing autographs, wanted to make sure everyone that wanted one got one.” He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.
You’re reeling, it feels like you’re on a roller-coaster of highs and lows tonight.
You giggle, “Aww you’re so sweet. I kind of thought you forgot about me though, didn’t really expect you to show up.” You toe at the ground staring at your feet.
He leans against the wall beside you, “Oh, I could never forget about you, sweetheart. Girl as pretty as you? Never.”
You scoff, “Yeah, right. So umm… why… why did you want me to wait for you?”
“Isn’t it obvious? Sweetheart, I want to… get to know you.” He replies suggestively with a smirk.
You splutter, “What? Why?”
“Like, I said you’re pretty, I’m interested. And if I could be so bold, I think you might be too… right?” Grinning all the while. “It’s fine if you’re not though, that’s ok, really.” He rushes to add, leaning back, smile dropping slightly.
Your head snaps up, you look at him wide-eyed, “No. no, I am… interested, I mean. It’s just I’ve never really done anything like this.”
“Never been with a rockstar before, hmmm? That’s ok I’ll go easy on you.” He says cockily.
Your breath catches in your throat.
“So you wanna get out of here, go back to your place?” He suggests.
You nod eagerly.
“You got a car or should I call a taxi?”
“Yeah I drove here, just me, none of my friends are really into this stuff.” You shrug.
“No boyfriend to take you out?” He probes
“No, no boyfriend.” You sigh.
“Well, lead the way sweetheart.” He says with a sweeping bow and a gesture of his hand.
“Here we are.” You pull your keys out unlocking your car.
As you turn over the engine your radio clicks to life, blaring Corroded Coffin, you cringe.
“Awww, my little fangirl, you were listening to our music on your way here.”
“Shut up!” You protest hating how whiny it comes out.
“No, I think it’s cute. You musta been soooo excited.” He continues teasing.
You slap his arm playfully, “Enough, just let me drive.”
He pokes his tongue out at you.
A few moments pass before he blurts out suddenly, “You uh… you got condoms at home? I didn’t bring any.”
“No, I mean it’s not like I was expecting anything like this to happen.”
“That’s ok, you know anywhere we can stop along the way?”
“Yeah uh there’s a shop just around the corner from me, they’d have some.”
You lead him through the aisles, ‘til you get to the right one, you stand back surveying the options, “Which, um.. which one…” you trail off as he reaches over your head, one hand resting on your shoulder as he plucks an item off the shelf.
“These’ll do.”
“Should we… should we get anything else?” You mumble.
“Nah, I’m all set. Why, you need something?”
“No it’s just… what will the cashier think?” You whisper back at him, scandalised.
“Fuck the cashier, let ‘em think whatever they want. Let everyone here know, I’m here to fuck a beautiful girl.” He shouts a little louder than you’re comfortable with.
You slap him again, “Shhhhh! People are staring.”
He laughs, “So what, they’re just jealous I’m here with the prettiest girl in the room.”
“No, really shut up now.” You mutter, heat rising in your cheeks.
“Ok, ok.” He holds up his hands in mock surrender, “Let’s go then.”
You’re standing at your front door fumbling with your keys, you can feel his breath, hot on the back of your neck.
You open the door, flipping on the lights as you step inside. Holding the door open you welcome him in, you close it behind him. You turn to see him, hands jammed into his pockets, rocking on his heels and grinning broadly. You slip off your shoes by the door and he follows in suit.
“So, you want something to drink or-“
You begin to offer but he cuts you off, his lips slamming into yours eagerly, his hands snaking around you. You gasp, caught by surprise, he takes advantage of this, slipping his tongue in alongside your own. You moan deep in the back of your throat as your eyes flutter closed. He’s pushing you back against the front door, one hand rising to cup the back of your head so that you don’t hurt yourself as you stumble back, allowing him to guide you. The two of you break apart gasping for breath. “So where’s the bedroom?” He asks.
“Oh, wow right to the point there.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just…”
You stop him pressing a hand to his shoulder, “No… it’s ok. We can… this way.” You slide your hand down his arm to grasp his hand, leading him to your room.
“Sorry, about the mess.” You mumble straightening up haphazardly.
“Mess? What mess?” He scans the room, “This is nothing princess, don’t be embarrassed on my account.”
He tosses the box of condoms onto your bedside table before unbuckling his belt and tugging his jeans to his ankles, kicking them off. His shirt follows soon after as he hooks a hand through one of the arm holes tossing it aside, it lands by your bed. You hesitate under his gaze, “Now you sweetheart.” He urges.
You’re feeling self conscious as you mimic his actions, starting with your skirt, letting it fall to the floor in a pile around you. You tug at the hem of your shirt with shaky hands, you can’t meet his eye as you pull it over your head and let it drop beside you. Your curves are exposed, every roll, every stretch mark and every perceived flaw. You curl your arms around yourself, shielding yourself from his view as you feel yourself flushing under his gaze.
“Hey, sweetheart don’t hide yourself, I wanna enjoy the view.” He pouts in protest.
“I’m sorry. It’s just, I’m so… I look…” You begin to stutter.
He steps closer, hooking a finger beneath your chin and pulling your head up to face him, “You look perfect, is what you are.” He cuts you off, mouth twisting into a frown. “And if anyone has ever made you feel otherwise, they are dead wrong, princess.”
He grabs your hand pressing it into his hardening length to prove his point, “Just look at what you do to me.”
Your eyes widen, you press your thighs together unconsciously.
“But, uhhh…I’m not exactly experienced when it comes to this, I meant what I said before I’ve never done anything like this.” You admit.
“Oh… ohhhhh.” His eyes widen in understanding, “You meant like never ever, not just like one-night stand kinda thing? Oh god, oh no I was so forward with you. I’m sorry. Do you… are you sure you still wanna do this? The first time… it should be special, you know?” He rambles.
“Do you… still wanna do this?” You counter.
“God, yes. More than ever, but if you don’t… if you wanna stop at any point I totally get that.”
“Honestly, I don’t think it could ever get better than this for me.” You sigh.
“It really could be though, girl like you deserves all kinds of romance, all the bells and whistles especially before your first.”
“I want this though.” You insist.
“You’re sure?” He confirms once again.
You nod.
“And remember, any time you wanna stop, just say the word. I won’t get mad, promise.” He adds solemnly.
“Yep.” You reply shortly.
He moves his hand to cradle the side of your face, swooping in to kiss you in earnest. You kiss back as he guides you to the edge of the bed until the backs of your thighs are pressing into the mattress. He lowers you back onto the bed gently, breaking contact. Your eyes snap open searching for his, you see him pushing down his boxers and slowly stroking up and down his length eyeing you greedily. Your jaw drops as you take in the size of him. He taps your thigh gently and motions for you to move further back, you scoot back and he joins you on the bed continuing his slow, steady strokes.
“You can touch it, you know? Get better acquainted with it.” He teases.
You wrap your hand around his length loosely, he drops his hand over yours guiding your grip, “Yeah just like that, sweetheart.”
You swipe a thumb over his tip on the upstroke and he lets out a deep, rumbling moan.
You look up at him watching his reactions to your motions, “Can I… can I suck it?” You ask tentatively, you begin to salivate.
“Oh, of course you can princess. We can do whatever you want.” He offers.
You wet your lips in anticipation as you kneel between his thighs, leaning in you press a soft kiss to his tip, he chuckles, you proceed to lick a strip all the way from the base to the flared head. Precum dribbles down his length, collecting in the thatch of curls at his crotch, you close your mouth over the weeping head and hollow your cheeks. He gives a low moan, “God, yes that’s perfect, do that again.”
You sink lower on his cock taking more of him into your mouth, moving a little too quickly, you pull back abruptly as you gag, eyes watering.
He strokes your cheek, “Hey, hey take it easy sweetheart. Take your time, we’ve got all night.”
You nod and go back for another attempt, slower this time, you manage to take more than before clenching your hands as the urge to gag rises again, you manage to suppress it this time. His hand comes to rest in your hair gently, not pushing or pulling just there, soothing over the crown of your head. You’re getting sloppy, drool leaks out of the corners of your mouth dribbling down your chin, mingling with his precum at his base. His breathy moans urging you on, you feel him throbbing on your tongue. Wetness pools in your underwear, soaking through the gusset and you find yourself whining around him. He rubs circles into your arm before easing you off of him gently.
“Was that… was that ok? Why did you stop me?” You gasp as you catch your breath.
“Oh, sweetheart that was amazing.” He croons, “You did so good for me, but I had to stop before all of this ended far too soon.”
He flips you onto your back, your head resting against the pillows, he moves to hover over you, hands pressed into the mattress by your shoulders. He presses his lips to yours fervently, you allow his tongue to glide over yours. He nips at your lower lip before moving to trail soft kisses slowly down your neck. He reaches a hand around you, unclasping your bra with a flick of his wrist. The cups loosen and he’s pushing them aside to press his lips lower and lower until he is circling a nipple with the tip of his tongue. You let out a breathy moan as he latches on to it, sucking and laving at it with his tongue. You slip your arms out of the garment, tossing it aside. You begin to squirm when he ventures lower, nearing the swell of your belly. He glances up at you, checking in, “This ok?”
“Yeah… mhhm… just uh, just a little… self conscious again.” You admit, embarrassed, breaking eye contact.
“Oh sweetheart, what did I say? Hmmm. You are beautiful. You are a goddess and you deserve to be worshiped.” He looks up at you reverently.
You giggle, swatting at him playfully, “Stop it. Don’t you think you’re laying it on just a little too thick now.”
“Never, not til you see just how beautiful you really are.”
He resumes his journey down your body, toying with the elastic of your underwear. He takes in the sight of your ruined panties with a low growl, “Oh, just look at this pretty, little mess you’ve made. Is all that just for little, old me?”
You nod, humming in the affirmative. He palms at your mound, spreading your wetness further, “Please…” a broken moan escapes your lips.
He pulls your panties to the side, fingers delving between your sticky folds, “Is this what you wanted, sweetheart? Want me to make you feel good? Go on, ask for it.” He urges.
“God, yes! Please, Eddie… need you.” You whimper.
“So pretty when you beg.” He pulls his fingers away and you whine, hips lifting off the mattress searching for contact.
“Needy too, I see.” He teases, “I’m just gonna get rid of these.” He starts tugging the fabric down your plump legs. He lays yet another kiss on the innermost part of your thigh, pulling away before you get too uncomfortable.
“Now it’s your turn,” he smirks up at you, “turn about is fair play and all that.”
He licks a stripe along the centre of your folds, you jolt when he reaches your clit, bursts of electricity emanating throughout your body. He remains there, pushing one hand onto your tummy, pressing you down into the mattress as he eases a ringed finger inside you. He starts off slow, crooking his finger gently, matching the rhythm of his tongue as it moves in circles against you. He adds another finger alongside the first, stretching you open, leaving you panting and gasping for more.
His rings clink together at your entrance, slick with your juices, he sucks at your clit firmly, you gush around him and he adds yet another finger. “Come on that’s it, you can take it.” He mumbles, the vibration of his voice sending you into orbit. Your hands curl into fists crumpling the sheets beneath you. He continues pressing down on your abdomen, your hips fight against him with a mind of their own. For a moment you could swear you’re seeing stars, then you’re coming down from your high, legs shaking around his head.
He grins up at you, eyes twinkling, his face smeared with your release, he licks his lips before wiping it away with the back of his hand.
“So, how was that?” His cheeky grin never fading.
You’re speechless, can’t even string together a sentence.
“That good, huh?” He asks smugly.
You nod still unable to form words, he laughs.
He moves back up, coming face to face with you, “You think you’re ready for more?” He brushes a stray hair behind your ear.
“Yes, please… please, fuck me.” You whine, desperately.
“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He chuckles leaning over to the bedside table, reaching for the box of condoms. He pulls one out, tearing open the package and rolling it down over his impressive length.
He grips the base of his cock guiding it between your folds, dragging the tip across you clit. You let out a strangled cry, “Please, Eddie… need more… please, oh god.”
He grins down at you, “All in good time, sweetheart.”
He starts easing himself inside you, moving slow, letting you adjust to the intrusion. Your walls stretch easily, welcoming his length. There is a slight burn, that becomes barely perceptible when he drops a hand between the two of you to rub lazy circles into your clit.
He’s only just entered you before you’re gasping, a hand moving to grip his wrist as he continues to circle your sensitive nub with his thumb.
“Oh god.” You wail, eyes squeezing shut as your walls clamp down on the head of his cock rhythmically.
“Did you just… from just the tip… wow, sweetheart you’re gonna give me an ego.”
“You mean, more than you already do.” You tease back breathlessly.
“Oh, someone’s found their voice. Pretty bold for someone who just came apart from the barest touch.” He tuts. “Someone’s going to need to teach you some manners, sweetheart.”
“Maybe that can be a lesson for another time?”
He groans at the implication, pushing into you further “Wish I could just pack you up and take you everywhere with me. You’d like that wouldn’t you? You’d be such a good little fucktoy for me?”
“Yes! I’ll be good for you, please use me!” You keen in reply. He bottoms out, burying himself deeper in your needy cunt as it draws him in, his balls coming to rest against your ass.
He growls, rumbling deep in his chest, “God damn, such a filthy little mouth you have. You want that? Hmm, want me to use you. Oh sweetheart, I would break you.” He pulls out almost all the way, before slamming back in to emphasise his point. Your hands grasp at his shoulders, nails digging in, he repeats the action and your walls flutter around him.
“‘M gonna… ‘m gonna…” You whine, unable to complete your thought.
“You gonna cum again. Good, cum for me. That’s it, such a good girl.” He croons in your ear, encouragingly.
Your eyes begin to water at the sensation, you’re almost to the point of over-stimulation. You were teetering on the precipice and his words are enough to send you toppling over the edge, you hook a leg around him drawing him deeper than you would’ve thought possible. Calling his name you bare down on his cock again and he lets out a strangled moan in response, “Yeah, say my name. Who do you belong to? Who owns this tight, little pussy?” You’re still reeling, quaking with aftershocks from your orgasm, unable to answer him, but it doesn’t really matter. He continues, “That’s right, me, I do.”
He pulls out rolling off the condom tossing it aside, he moves to straddle your torso. He’s fisting his cock desperately over your chest, head thrown back, bottom lip trapped between his teeth, eyes shut tight. He groans, calling out your name as his cum splatters your tits. Eyes opening he leans in propping himself up with a hand against the wall beside you, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. He pulls away panting, rolling off you. He reaches down grabbing his shirt from the floor where it landed and moves to wipe off his release. You stop him grabbing his arm, he looks at you confused, you swipe a finger across your chest, scooping up his cum before sucking it off your fingertip moaning. He gapes at you, you look at him feeling self conscious again, “What? I just… I wanted to see what it would taste like.”
He groans deeply, “God damn, you have no idea how fucking hot that was. That one is definitely going to the spank-bank.”
You giggle, “Good to know, cause I am never going to forget that.” You sigh.
“Sorry, if that was too much, I got a little too intense at the end there didn’t I?” He says sheepishly.
“No, that was… that was perfect.” You reassure him, dopey grin plastered across your face.
“Yeah, what was it that you said… ‘I’ll be good’, ‘use me’” he teases. “Oh, that was gold sweetheart, who knew you had it in you?”
You blush at his praise, “So, uh can I see you again?” You ask hopeful.
“I don’t know that you’re done seeing me now, sweetheart.”
“Oh god.” You whine rubbing a hand down your face.
#eddie munson fic#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x y/n#rockstar!eddie#plus size!reader#virgin!reader#rockstar!eddie x reader#cw body image#tw body image#cw negative self-image#tw negative thoughts#tw negative self-image#tw negative self talk
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damn i would be soooo cute if i didn't get pimples every week
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God I HATE clique-y discord servers I’m way too attention whore for this like what do you MEAN you guys don’t immediately like me as much as each other even though you’ve known each other for years how DARE you ignore me even though I’m being a stupid bitch and rambling about nothing and annoying everyone and I deserve it
#bpd#actually bpd#vent#tw vent#bpd vent#actually mentally ill#actually cluster b#splitting#bpd splitting#attention wh0r3#tw negative self talk
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ooh, any chance you'd want to share a snippet of the fic you're finishing rn?
The growing chasm in his chest was something tender and painful to the touch. Like a burn to the skin, the sensation lingered and mutated well past the first sting of it, until it became something worse, and Jamie could do nothing but sit with it. It was just…so there was this part of him, bigger than he liked to acknowledge, that had been so sure. What with how much time he and Roy were spending together lately…and then, after Uncle’s Day…well. Who was he to stop the way the feeling grew? The one that told him that maybe, just maybe….
He'd been powerless to stop it from getting away from him.
And then there’d been that evening with Keeley, the one that bubbled with new possibility and made everything worse. Just more wanting, and more hoping, and that strange, wonderful feeling that something was forming again between them, for both of them. Fragile and tentative but there. He was certain it had been there.
Weren’t it just like him, though, to want more than he could have? To expect more than he deserved? Nothing but a whiny little bitch, Jamie was. Looking for things that nobody wanted to give him.
(The thoughts pounded against his skull, and it was not unlike taking his father’s hits. Relentless, and it didn’t slow down.)
#uhhh...sorry#royjamiekeeley#he's kind of going through it in this one#my writing#ted lasso#fic wip#jamie tartt#tw negative self talk
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…uhm.
seriously why do people like me. i’m a fucking fake ass motherfuck with no regard for anyone but myself. i fucking claim i’m a dude while i fucking sit here and hit myself because i feel guilty about it. i’m fucking faking it. i’m a fucking straight girl and have always fucking been one. i feel so fucking guilty because my friends can’t fucking transition and i’m here being an ungrateful fuck about it. at least my parents don’t fucking hate me for it. i shouldn’t have cut my hair. i took my mother’s baby girl away from her. i told her a i was a fucking boy on a goddamn whim. my fucking name meant something to her and i said i didn’t want it. i promised her i’d never hurt myself. i promised her so fucking much and i couldn’t fucking do it. nobody should like me, actually. yk that? i take everyone for granted. i’m a mentally ill fuck who doesn’t deserve shit.
i get obsessed too easily and get so fucking absorbed in shit that i dont know when to stop talking about it. she doesn’t want to hear about all this shit she’s not interested in. i need to fucking shut the fuck up.
and somehow nobody believes i’m not ok. nobody i live with takes me seriously. i can’t bring it up without them asking why i’d ever think that and where i got the idea i might have something wrong.
i’m fucking failing from a lack of motivation. i’m failing and won’t be able to go to dc. i’ll get my phone taken and i’ll sit in my room and cry because i can’t make myself do anything.
i don’t know why anyone irl decided they liked me. tbh.
#tw sh mention#tw negative self talk#vent? rant? i don’t want to say it’s either of those but ik it’s one of them#evan’s rambles
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Smth I realized abt 5 last night
5’s one of those characters that’s like “I can’t do this I’m not good enough” and then another character goes “No! You can do it you are good enough!”
Smth that made me come to this realization is 5’s tagline and it’s irony, “To Guide Us…”. This tagline is kind of ironic considering that 5, for a good chunk of his screen time, is dependent on others and is shown to be gullible
Despite how dependent and gullible 5 is, he can still guide. He can guide 9 through the Emptiness and lead the others, he just doesn’t seem to have the courage to do so, as he’s quick to want to retreat to safety or hide behind someone else for guidance. He’s meant to guide, yet he depends on others for guidance due to his lack of confidence to do it himself
It’s not until 9 hands the leader baton to 5 when he goes into the factory to save 7 and 8 that this begins to change. 5 is left by himself, left to come up with a plan on his own, which he does and succeeds with the help of the others. He also stands up against 1, completely throwing his loyalty to him out the window. 5 becomes his own person
What’s unfortunate though is that 5 dies immediately after he begins to change for the better. He was done DIRTY, just like 2
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Hook and the cabin boy
Hook stood there on the edge of the Jolly Roger, it was split in half but not sinking. Neverland was nowhere to be seen although it was obnoxiously sunny and happy and bright. "Ah! Captain! Good to see you again!" An obnoxiously cheery voice chirped.
Now he had a headache, perfect. He turned around to face the voice, he didn't bother putting on a show of being a gentleman he knew who it was. "I can't say the same for you, loathsome, lackwit cabin boy." He sneered. The Young man didn't seem bothered in fact he looked frustratingly smug.
"Now captain, let's be professional. Would you like some tea? I could pour some alcohol in it if it isn't strong enough to neutralize your absolutely terrible personality." He said mockingly pouring alcohol into a tea cup. "I have an amazing personality I'll have you know!" Hook yelled flipping the table but was unable to beat the smug look of that damn cabin boy like he wanted.
"You can't hurt me that way captain, you know this." The cabin boy said resting his chin in his palm and using the other hand to throw the alcohol in Hook's face. The captain sputtered and jumped back fearful of getting a drop in his mouth when it took him so long to quit. "Wretched, witless boy! How dare you mock me like this!" Hook yelled once again making no effect on him.
"You know my name Captain, use it. It can't hurt you that much after all it's how you introduce yourself. Even if you are... pathetic...and angry...sad, lonely, stupid-" "JAMES!" Hook yelled tired of the back and forth. "There you go! Was that so hard? Honestly you talk about me so rarely I was starting to think you'd forgotten me." James said looking annoyed for the first time since they started talking.
"You know why I don't address you, halfwit." Hook said crossing his arms in contempt. "I know why you say you don't talk about me...but it's different isn't it? It's not because I'm stupid or because I wasn't good at planning or anything of the sort is it Hook? You miss me, you miss Zarina you miss Oppenheimer you miss port and starboard and Yang but you can never go back can you? Everyone you haven't killed hates you and it's all your fault." James mocked with a sadistic glee.
Hook grinded his teeth, rage filling him as the ship suddenly jerked towards the ocean almost throwing him off balance. "The fault was yours cabin boy." Hook snarled frustrated he couldn't just kill him. "Of course someone as old, ugly and socially inept would also be stupid." James said rolling his eyes as dark clouds covered the sunny day.
"Why do I expect anything more substantial from you? Honestly if Zarina could see you now she'd laugh." James chuckled. "Zarina doesn't matter, she's just another of Neverland's pests! How dare you insult me! I'll tear you limb from limb! I'll boil you in oil insolent brat!" Hook strained to strangle James or fulfill any of the promises he was making.
"Afraid you can't ..you see moron, I'm here in the past where I get to be handsome and charming forever, and you're over there in the present. Angry old, and one day in the future you'll be dead and alone with nobody to mourn you." He mocked stomping on the floor with a smile jerking the boat to the side causing Hook to slide down to the edge hanging on over the water.
A familiar ticking sound flooded his ears filling him with fear. "Goodbye codfish, you deserve what's coming." James said a hint of bitterness behind his smile kicking the Captain's hook firmly letting him fall into the ocean screaming in fear as his smug smile turned fully into a look of bitter contempt and disappointment.
"Capn! Capn! It's okay! You're safe!" Smee yelled worried causing Hook to stop screaming and realize he had woken up. "Another nightmare?" Smee questioned, he was as concerned as ever. Hook huffed as if nothing was wrong and pushed Mr. Smee out of his office and closed the door. He was fine, it was just a dream it didn't mean anything. The subconscious mind was nothing but childish nonsense.
#captain hook#disney#fanfic#peter pan#the pirate fairy#nightmare#disney fanfiction#fanfiction#tw alcohol#tw addiction#tw negative self talk#angst#zarina
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...Why does every other version of myself seem infinitely happier? i lied I looked through the posts.
.first with that guy in feburary. and now here. they're both. confident. capable. happy. really, truly happy. seems like. at least. they act like how i. want.,
why don't i deserve that? why do i have to be the one who's uncomfortable, whos. path
eh
nevermind
i'll just. its noti mportant.
m tired
goood niight
.👍
#ic vent#tw negative self talk#pokemon irl#pkmn irl#pokeblr#rotomblr#pokeblogging#milkyway myosotis event#<- end! :D
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i - i'm so sorry - i didn't - i didn't know i'm sorry i - i should've - should've been there - i care i do i'm sorry - i didn't know - not again please i'm sorry not again i can't - i'm sos orry i should've been there i'm sorry i didn't know i would''ve been there if i knew i would've i'm so sorry i didn't know-
rus? shit - rus, bud, you alright?!
i - i'm sorry so sorry i didn't know not again they never should've fished me out i can't help anyone should've juhst left me in the sea- i'ms sorry i didn't know i care i do i'm so sorry i- i can't do it again i can't do the fucking kitakami trip again please i'm so sorry i'll be there next time i swear-
fuck
#pkmn irl#russet yaps#drayster posting#russet's spring break#cw language#cw breakdown#tw breakdown#cw negative self talk#tw negative self talk#cw implied suicidal thoughts#tw implied suicidal thoughts#//like just barely but uh. just in case y'know?#//HOPE YALL LIKE THE CONCLUSION OF THE SPRING BREAK ARC#//shockingly enough upon backreading!!! russet is not doing well!!!#//mod upon seeing this go down while russet's on break: oh he's. he's not. not handling that well...#//i did originally intend to legitimately just. give it a break so i could play stardew...#//but the angst writes itself... :3
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Don't read if you don't want to be depressed.
We're so unfathomably depressed. It feels like we're buried in a hole so deep, with no air and less room to move. We feel like nothing we have ever done will ever be worth anything. We have no hobbies, no interests, nothing to make us feel like a person. We're so disconnected all the time. It's exhausting to feel as though all you can do is dig, watching the dirt move from above you to beside you, but still filling the space. There is no way out.
Never again will we be able to eat more than one meal in a day, because no world exists where we can get a job. With our disabilities holding us down, we're doomed to die with an empty stomach and a drained bank account. Living has become impossible on the meager funds delivered by disability. We literally cannot afford food.
Soon we will waste away. Perhaps that's for the best. We'll never achieve anything... not like this. We'll never be known as anything but a failure. We were born to be poor, to be useless. To be nothing.
We want to die.
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Tw body image/negative body talk below the cut
Don’t you just love it when everytime you go to try something on in your closet it doesn’t fit the way that it used to? You know that you shouldn’t get worked up/upset over it, but you can’t help it because you just want that one thing to fit. That one dress. That one skirt. Those one pair of jeans that used to be your favorite.
They don’t fit. None of it fits and then you’re sobbing to your mom because you’re getting overwhelmed and nauseous because why the fuck don’t these fit anymore?? You know that your body is changing. It’s normal. Your 25 years old and you’ll never have the body you had back in high school, or college. You know it’s okay, but then you’re standing in the mirror criticizing everything about your body and thinking about how neglectful you have been with working out and the food you’ve been eating and now you’re sitting here, sobbing in bed because it all just fucking sucks.
I was so excited to try my outfit on for Hozier tomorrow and it didn’t fit the way I wanted to. I tore my closet up looking for something to wear and none of what I tried on fit the way that I wanted it to.
I know I need to be kinder to myself and my body, but I have fucking struggled with loving myself since highschool. I’m sorry for venting, but i’m just so fucking upset right now.
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From the irl mod of this account:
I talk to myself negativity everyday and I feel worse every time I do that and I still do that.
so don’t do that pls
it will hurt you more like your scars
But I can't help but feel that it IS my fault. If only I had been stronger. If I had DONE something, instead of just freezing up and LETTING myself get injured.
I have no choice. I have to be alone. Forever. There's no way I could ever allow myself to get close to anyone ever again. They'll just get hurt, like everyone who gets close to me does, and I won't be able to protect them.
I might... run away tonight.
#pokemon#pokeblogging#rotomblr#rotumblr#pkmn irl#pkmn rp#tw negative self talk#tw caps#pokeblog rp#pokemon rp#saber answers stuff#//i hate this arc#//but i also love it#//things are about to get very interesting :3
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me *says anything*
my brain: you know that was the STUPIDEST thing to say everyone is looking at you and thinks you're dumb you know that right?? You shouldn't say anything ever.
#tw vent#I guess??#I'm fine right now but earlier tonight I felt like this big time#mentally ill#social anxiety#tw negative#tw negative self talk#adhd
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Job hunting is the absolute worse. I hate it. I've expressed this before and I know many people just hate society.
I guess I'm lost. I don't know what I want to do. What I'm looking for. Or where to even start. I'm sick of getting rejected and having no purpose. I desperately need to support myself and get away from my family. I guess I'm just looking for advice. I want to know I'm not alone. Or that life gets easier. I'm just really sick of everything.
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⚠️massive tw: self hate, mental health, vent, negative self talk, spiral⚠️
i fucking hate myself
like wtf is wrong with me
like why is it everyone else knows how to interact but me
like everyone just knows
what’s wrong with me
like i find a group of people who i think will actually care
who won’t make fun of me
and ik it’s just jokes
but my brain hates me makes me think they actually hate me too
and i can’t function normally
and i hate myself for it
and why can’t i put up that boundary
why is the only thing we joke abt is hating each other
why can i just not take a simple joke sometimes
i actually hate myself so much for stupid shut i cant control
like why the fuck can’t i be a normal person
i’ve tried so many times
but it’s never enough
there’s always something else
but it’s either this or no one
and what if i put up that boundary and im left with no one
what if they keep making fun of me and it’s worse than no one
is this worse than no one
can i ever be normal
why is it everyone can just exist but me
why is ut that everything i do is wrong
i fix one thing but then u just find something else
and it’s never enough
i tell you
“that’s not even true anymore”
but u still ridicule me for it
u ridicule me for my interests
for the things i do to help others
i do my best to help everyone
cuz ik how it feels to be helpless
to be alone
so why is helping people coming back to bite me
why can’t u just be normal
why am i like this
what’s wrong with me
ik what’s wrong
ik what is probably going on with my brain
i’m pretty sure i’m not ok
i’m not normal
yet every time i do something not normal
i hate myself for it
even tho ik i can’t control it
i cant fake it forever
so i hide it
i hide every bit of me
so u hv nothing to make fun of
i don’t talk enough
so i talk more
i talk so much u know everything
and make fun of me for everything
and i try to talk less
but hate myself for not talking and being normal
i bury myself into a hole and shut down
i tell everyone nothing
i won’t tell u my tells
so u can’t know how bad i’m doing
so that when i’m hurting u can’t hurt me more
and maybe that won’t work
maybe it’ll make things worse
but i can’t set up those boundaries just cuz of the maybe
so why can’t i get over the maybe
why can everyone just not worry
why is my brain like this
what did i do to deserve this
what’s wrong with me
#you don’t suck*#tw vent#tw mental health#tw negative self talk#tw spiral#i hate myself#what’s wrong with me#why why why#tw masking
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Boys are stupid and I don’t respect them
#bbwithaknife#my partner is out at a party and hasn’t checked in like we’ve talked about countless times so now I’m anxious and he’s just#probably out there forgetting about me#like everyone else does#tw negative self talk
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