#like idk how many times i have to remind myself that Cutting Myself Off From Harmless Things I Enjoy Does Not Help Me Mentally
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k nevermind i’m actually fine
#<- liar. but i missed using tumblr like my own private diary ft Medias it’s like therapy (knows nothing abt therapy)#how we all doing. i see we’re interested in moles which i’m v glad i’m not missing#i am feeling a bit better though!! i go to uni on thursday which i’m excited about and today i went brambling for the first time this year#am still being beset by The Horrors but that’s just like a regular thing. and idk what i was trying to achieve by deleting tumblr#talking on here a couple times a day is good for me i think#like idk how many times i have to remind myself that Cutting Myself Off From Harmless Things I Enjoy Does Not Help Me Mentally#not redownloading the app though. the ad situation was fucking ridiculous and a solid half of the reason i broke down that day#which seems silly in hindsight but yea#anyway. we’re sticking with mobile browser tumblr. we’ll see if it lasts haha#morganposting
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we’re postponing the cookies again & my AD is bumming me out / irking me after hours so. back to having yet another lackluster week
#idk how to interpret getting a ‘check-in’ that’s also a friendly reminder after work hours#I don’t have the bandwidth for any notes or critiques or even a friendly nudge in the right direction rn#so many small things I did today ended up being the wrong thing to do#thought I had til 2PM to finish my work but the cut off time gotta pushed up to 1:30pm#I submitted files in the wrong folder#I submitted those files in a folder I didn’t need to. also the wrong format#because they’re in the wrong format they won’t be looked at today. gotta wait til Tuesday#like a one mistake has a 5 day consequence#then I corresponded with this person but not these two people about uploading my work#because I couldn’t decide which line of communication to inform and gave up on guessing. this one person from production will be enough#and I guess it was enough of an issue it couldn’t wait til tomorrow. had to hear about it on my off hours#all these mistakes are small but I’ve been blundering for weeks it feel like#*feels#so they don’t feel small anymore they feel like an avalanche#and to be reached out during my off hours doesn’t feel like a good sign#I don’t know what to say#do I apologize? explain? affirm I got the memo? like what do I say#the perpetual confusion I’ve experienced this month has undone me so much#like if I gave myself the time to ask questions#maybe I would’ve avoided so much stress for myself let alone other people
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My main focus right now is tapping into the void, and a few people just made a post about how to use states to become a void master, but I guess I’m failing to grasp the concept of feeling something when you’ve never felt it before. To me it’s like someone saying: Feel what it would feel like to cut your leg off even though you have never felt that before. How?
When you have stuff thrown in your face in your 3D that is very unwanted and serious, how do you practice relaxation and feeling free of all your burdens?
How do you get into the state of the wish fulfilled if you constantly have things in your physical world that are screaming for your attention?
I 100% know manifestation is real, and I 100% know the void is real, I just want something to click for me because so far, it hasn’t. And I consider myself a pretty smart person lol, I guess I just want encouragement idk
I understand how challenging it can be to stay in the state of a wish fulfilled, especially when you are surrounded by distractions that are screaming for your attention. In today’s world, there are so many external factors vying for our attention, making it difficult to take the time to practice relaxation and to achieve the freedom from our burdens that we all so desperately need.
Some general basic tips I always encourage no matter the situation is for starters Try to start with basic breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques. These can help to calm your mind, allowing you to focus on being present and open to the possibilities. As you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, it’s important to practice self-compassion. Acknowledge and accept the emotions you feel without judgment or criticism. Remind yourself that these emotions are normal and not indicative of any lack of power on your part.
Another powerful way to get into the state of the wish fulfilled is through visualization. Visualize yourself achieving your goals, picturing with detail how it looks and feels when it’s finally all achieved.
Finally, find a healthy, supportive tribe that can help keep you accountable and motivated to maintain the state of the wish fulfilled. Tumblr is a start but always try to Surround yourself with people who lift you up and can offer guidance when needed.
I’m also going to share some Neville Goddard quotes that deeply resonated with me.
“Put yourself in the state of mind in which you have already attained your desire, live in its attainment.” Keeping a positive mindset is essential when aiming for big changes, as it will help you keep sight of the goal even when times get tough. It helps you to see life as if you have already achieved it.
“Imagination is the creative force of the universe. To create you must be able to picture the thing desired in your mind.” Imagination is crucial for the fruition of something desired. It helps you to become mentally aware of what it is you want and how to go about attaining it.
“Your inner confidence and ability to believe will bring about miraculous results. Dream lofty dreams and as you dream, so shall you become.” Having faith in yourself and believing that what you are working towards is achievable will bring great results. It will give you strength to keep going and faith that in the end you will have what you desire.
“Wishful thinking is powerful and can shape our reality. If we wish strongly enough, our wishes will become reality.” Literally Knowing that your wishes can shape reality is a powerful concept, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. When we feel the weight of our wishes, we understand the power we possess to bring about change in our lives and those around us.
, “Always stand strong in the assurance that completing your desire is inevitable. Act as though you have already got what you want. Make it real in your mind first, and then it shall be real in your outer life.” Believing that something is inevitable helps us to stay focused on our goals, and to never give up even when it’s hard. Knowing that if we make it real in our minds, our desired outcome will manifest in our outer lives, is incredibly motivating.
But it's important to keep in mind that the Void is accessible to all of us, no matter what our prior experience may be. The trick is to shift your perspective and open your mind to something that is beyond the 3-dimensional space we inhabit. It requires a certain level of detachment from the physical world, and a willingness to explore the unknown. Ultimately, mastering the Void is all about learning to trust yourself and your intuition, and allowing yourself to explore the depths within. By tapping into these deep states of being, we can access inner peace that may otherwise be inaccessible in our current realm. So it doesn’t really matter what I say or anyone you seek guidance says, because at the end of the day it’s within you and once you access it, it’s really because you let go.
I also want to emphasize this part of the question “I’m failing to grasp the concept of feeling something when you’ve never felt it before. To me it’s like someone saying: Feel what it would feel like to cut your leg off even though you have never felt that before. How?” I think it’s a great concern but you’re overthinking it.
Imagine you're in a forest. You're walking along, observing the beauty of the trees, plants and creatures around you. Then suddenly, you come across a clearing. In the center of this clearing is a lake. The lake is inviting and reflective. You can see yourself in the lake, and as you look closer, you notice something else—a key floating on its surface.
The key is a representation of your desire. It's been there all along but you just hadn't noticed it. You become excited and want to reach out and grab the key. However, if you've never actually reached out and felt your desire before, it may seem impossible or pushed away.
To help envision how to grab and feel what you desire, try to imagine that there is an invisible force field around the key. You can't see it, but you can sense it. You want to reach out and grab the key, but this invisible force is holding you back from doing so. To break through this barrier, you must take action, no matter how small. Take a few steps closer and break through this invisible barrier by actually reaching out your hand and taking the key.
The feeling of grasping the key in your hands is a representation of how it feels when you reach out and feel your desires. When you have taken the key in your hands, it is a tangible proof that you can indeed make your desires come true.
We can use this same analogy to understand that reaching out and feeling our desires requires us take action, (accepting it is ours no matter what l!) just as we had to take action to break through the invisible barrier in order to get the key. Sometimes, taking that first step is the hardest part, but it's worth it when the result is feeling our desire from within and having the tangible proof that we can make our dreams into reality.
I can type up as many paragraphs and analogies as possible but seriously nothing compares to your inborn power I’m begging you to recognize. We can only get so much encouragement and motivation from others until it just becomes over consumption and counter intuitive.
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Hi! I have a request for witch!reader x Eddie. A comfort angst? People at school call her a freak and stuff. Maybe like “who know someone could be crazier the Eddie Munson?” And he like defends them and comforts idk.
A/N: this reached just over what I qualify as a blurb, so.... yeah... also I could totally see him try to talk her into putting a curse on some of the bullies at school.
Word count: 595
∼ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here ∽
masterlist | join my taglist | witch!reader au masterlist
“What did you say?” Eddie let his fork drop down atop his lunch and spun around.
Trying to ignore the tears now stinging in your eyes, you placed a hand on his leather-clad arm and pleaded quietly, “Eddie.”
Not feeling your touch through the thick jacket nor hearing your whisper among the bustling school, he let his rage bubble over and stood up from the bench, swiftly approaching the snickering jocks at the table behind you, “what the fuck did you just say about her?”
“Woo-hoo-hoo, looks like Hawkins's own cult leader has himself a soft spot for the little psychopathic bitch,” one of them taunted, leaning back in his seat as if ready to enjoy the show.
By now you could no longer see Eddie’s face, only his dark silhouette as he ceased the talkative one by his letterman's jacket and yanked him up to be at eye level.
“Dude, chill out, we were just having a bit of fun,” the jock’s smile faltered but didn’t drop completely as he tried to reason with your fuming boyfriend.
As you slowly got up from your seat, Eddie's hissing threat found your ears, “if I ever see you as much as breath in her direction, I will kill you, you hear me?”
And the next thing you knew, your feet had started moving of their own accord, dashing out of the buzzing cafeteria.
“Please don’t tell me you punched him,” was the first thing you said as Eddie finally found you hiding in one of the bathrooms.
Already aware of how much you and your family objected against violence, he buried his reddened knuckles into his pocket and lied, “no.”
Fist tightening around the tear-soaked tissue you still hadn’t let go of, you saw right through his fib and spat out, “Eddie, that guy was twice your size! He could have killed you!”
“But he didn’t though,” he slowly walked closer towards you, “a teacher managed to step in before he got too many hits him, gave me detention because apparently the quarterback just shouldn’t miss practice simply because of something like this.”
Having now reached your side of the room, you spotted the growing bruise on the side of his cheek, “oh, Eddie…” you bowed your head, averting your gaze, and just as you felt his soft fingers graze over your arm, you couldn’t hold back the frustrated cry that bubbled out, “what even was that? You usually just poke out your tongue and take it whenever someone bullies you-“
Cutting you off, he defended, “that’s not the same thing at all.”
“Do you think that was the first time someone has said stuff like that to me? You think that if it came down to it, I wouldn’t be able to protect myself?”
“No,” he tried to seize your hand, “that’s not it at all, I just-“
“You just wanted to get tossed around a bit, is that it?” you finally tilted your head up to meet his eyes with your own bloodshot ones.
“I’m sorry, it’s just-,” he let his head drop, staring at your hands as you finally let his fingers interlace with your own, “…when they said that stuff, I just saw red. I didn’t think-,”
“Evidently you didn’t. You know, I almost don’t wanna do a spell to heal you just so you can have a reminder of how stupid that was for a little bit longer.”
“I’m sorry… they just can’t say that kind of stuff about you without there being consequences, they just can’t, not when it’s you…”
© 2022 thyme-in-a-bubble
#lea’s writing#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x witch!reader#eddie munson blurb#stranger things imagine#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson x you#eddie munson drabble#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson fic#eddie munson au#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson hurt/comfort#eddie munson angst#eddie munson request
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✤------------------------------------------✤
◈The one◈
✤------------------------------------------✤
<Kazuha x Reader>
<Venti x Reader>
-Angst - Fluff
⏤͟͟͞͞ Part 1 - Anything Please
Summary: After he left you still processing that he already had a girlfriend, you decided to move on but did you really move on?
Gender: Female
Warnings: --
A/n: feel free to correct my grammar!
i suddenly had motivation after using it up all bcz of a single comment💀
I hope you enjoy~!
--
After the day you found out about his girl friend, you distance yourself from him but like did he even notice, its no use since he already distanced himself.
The new girlfriend is far more better than you.
Since Kazuha is quite adventurous himself, of course he wants a lover the same as him, so of course he'll never pick you, as his girl friend at least.
You waited for him for so long just for him to found another, its time for you to go.
You have so many failed attempts of moving on cuz each time you just unconsciously wait at the door and think about him.
You felt bad because he already have a girlfriend and your here thinking about him romantically.
You tried dating a couple of guys since your pretty popular, its quite easy but each time you keep thinking about him which clearly the dating thing isnt working.
You decided to just move away because your home just reminds you of him.
You went to Monsdant since its peacful and calm there, you never told Kazuha because why would he care? He forgot about you so its fair and besides your mom is living there so it wouldn't be that hard.
-
The next few days, you were looking for someone to sell your house and you finally found one.
You gave your keys to the seller after packing all your things.
A few weeks later you got the money from selling the house and gave half of it to your mother.
-
Kazuha's pov:
"How can she do this to me? Did i do something wrong?" I said as tears roll down my cheek.
How could she? After all ive done for her..i even left y/n because she feels uncomfortable!
How could she cheat on me...
I thought, memories w her flashing before my eyes and then suddenly she popped up.
Ha?
Y/n?
What?
Oh ya..i remember...she was the one who comforted me all that time.
She was...
She was the one.
-
Calming myself down, i immediately went to her house, hoping that we didn't drift apart that far.
I rang the doorbell and i was greeted with silence.
I rang it again and this time, someone finalky opened the door but wasn't the one i were hoping for sadly.
"Oh um hello, do you need anything?"
"Oh um- who are you?"
"Uh the owner of this house, why?"
"No youre not..."
"Pardon?"
"Sorry, where's Y/n?"
"Y/n? Idk who that is but i can reassure you, no one here is named y/n."
"Oh ok.."i mumbled, wondering what happened while he was gone.
I heard the door close which startled me.
I quickly run to places where she could possibly went but to no avail.
I searched everywhere but she was nowhere to be seen.
-
Today im going to Monsdant still thinking about where she could be.
Once i stepped foot at the land of Monsdant, i immediately went to a small village to ask people if he could rest at their place for a few hours.
While he was roaming around, he suddenly saw..
"Y/n?"i murmured, frozen at my spot.
"Ha?"
Your pov:
"Ha?" I turned around, hearing someone call my name.
'Kazuha!? What is he doing here?'you immediately truned on your heels but before you could walk off someone held your shoulder.
"Y/n?"
"Mhm?" You turned your head and cane face to face with him.
"Ive been looking for you! why didn't you tell me you went here?"
"Oh sorry i forgot" you reapeted the words he told you a long time ago.
"Im so sor-" before i can tell my apology and my love for her, i was suddenly cut off.
Anger slowly building up inside you but soon came down when you heard a familiar voice.
"Y/n~!"
"You two looked at the person, his face confuse while yours happy.
"Oh? Who might you be~?"
"Who are you?"
"I asked you first but oh well, my name is Venti! And can you please let go of my precious s/o"
"S/o!?"
"Mhm~? Is there a problem?"
"Oh-..uh no.." He slowly let go of you, cursing at himslef for doing that to you, now he was to late.
"It was nice meeting you and your boyfriend..hope you two have a nice life"
He turned his body around and slowly walked off with a heavy heart.
Kazuha's pov:
I finally found a place to rest but how can i rest when all i think about is her?
Honestly i knew about her huge crush towards me but i cant believe i ignored it and now.
*sigh*
Sitting up from the bed and pouring myself a glass of water when suddenly i saw them together..having fun.
"I was really to late ha?"
I went back at the bed and slept praying that this was just a dream.
--
*Masterlist*
Hiii!! Hope you enjoyed it~!
Thx for the sudden boost of motivation @luvnoya
Have a nice day~!
-February 28, 2023
#fanfic#genshin fanfic#genshin headcanons#genshin impact#genshin smut#genshin fluff#angst#fluff#genshin fandom#genshin kazuha angst#genshin kazuha#kazuha angst#kazuha comfort#kazuha no comfort#kazuha fluff#kazuha smut#kazuha#kazuha x reader#kazuha x y/n angst#no comfort#heart broken#venti#genshin venti#genshin venti fluff#genshin venti angst#venti fluff#venti no comfort#venti angst#venti x reader fluff#venti x reader
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Do u have any longer Beatles fics you recommend? (J/p preferred)
WOW I never get asks I’m so excited to answer! I feel like I’m not gonna say anything that’s too surprising but I’ll try my best! You’re also in luck cause I love long ones myself
My absolute favorite right now is the I Need You Darlin ! I’m literally Re-reading it again and I just reread it like 2 months ago. I love it I wanna live in that story. abo
One of my absolute favorite is kissing the blarney it’s so so so sweet and chefs kiss 😘 … it just made me feel all kinds of sweet pain
Next would be the very iconic The Birthday Party . I just absolutely adore this one I’ve read it like 5 times. Just very very funny and angsty and good. The Jumper should also be read if you haven’t cause it’s equally fun and iconic though shorter.
A kind of another short long one is Sunday Driver . Wonderful wonderful tension and angst. John and Paul at a party at Tara Brownes house.
Now if you want a REALLY long one then you’d have to go for the absolutely epic Wednesday Evening Salons series! Technically it doesn’t “end” but considering it’s like over a million words long??? Eh it’s worth it. It covers a LOT of time. It’s probably one of the first mclennon fics I ever read and it had a huge impact on me. I can’t say it’s like the best one to exist but it’s a old classic. I’m pretty sure it took me like 2 months to read. Also Johns written pretty real by which I mean crazy. I like it because it’s realistic. although probably Paul is written a little too nicely.
Boy you’ve been a naughty girl ; iconique, I love in this fandom there’s so much blending and melding of gender and gender roles, it’s very very … good.
I just read On Our Way Back Home. I think probably another staple? Idk. I was pretty engrossed in it… 👍🏼 Paul time travels and has a second chance with John
I also recently read this one off to get nowhere it’s very cute once they get together but also it was not finished 😔. RIP fic
I’ve done art for well how did I get here so obviously I must include that ! Another time travel conscience travel but it’s John to his future.
Some rapid fire ones under the cut
I’m looking at my history and here’s some other random ones I’ve read: Arrow Through Me , Our Version of Events (cute, giddy at John reading fanfic), I can only speak my mind (dumb Paul doesn’t understand feelings, love that), brother dearest , build a ladder to the stars (there’s something about this trans John that somehow reminds me of the John from I need you darlin, anyway I liked it) and For Auld Lang Syne (another tense party!)
There’s also so many I have saved to read I’m only starting to get in to the fanfiction world myself these last few months but I really tried my best!
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himitsu no aipri episode 1 (a week late)
it's been so long since I've written about a priseries (or any other idol) show... I'm realizing that I legit didn't think I'd ever get the chance again. I got tired of doing it before because I felt like I was either complaining too much (planet) or just happy abt everything that was happening (primagi) and thus had nothing interesting to say either way, but ever since watching aipri on sunday I've been looking forward to this... I think I'm just happy about new idol anime content after such a long drought tbh but it's something good that aipri has already brought us, no matter what you or I think of anything else about it.
I missed the first 5 minutes bc I was reading bad fanfiction in bed to wake up (nigh daily routine) and totally forgot abt aipri... then I did remember and had to sprint to my computer, but the stream kept stopping so I missed some critical stuff throughout. I liked the ep okay, but maybe actually seeing all of it will improve it?
ohhh ok it starts off with those cute lemon coords in the op. actually this does help, those coords are easily my favs that I've seen in aipri so far. esp Mitsuki's blue one is sooo cute... I am saying this as a person that buys every single blue gingham item of clothing I come across though haha. I will say that the coord & dance totally don't match the sort of sweeping fairytale (just mistyped that as dairytale. hm) majesty that the bgm and voiceover is going for, but...
oh, I didn't know that Mitsuki had a snippet of performance in here. I've seen it in gameplay videos already, I like it ok---wow, it's already over.
the way Mitsuki is pausing for her viewers to answer is just like shows for preschoolers... they're really going after that age group, huh. (do actual streamers do stuff like that....?)
oh, I already saw Himari get a call from her sister. looks like I only missed 1 minute.
that is the ugliest anime dog I've ever seen, hands down, but Hiiro is cute. I'm sure she's well on her way to being the Non or whoever the prichan little sister was of aipri, in terms of popularity.
I do think it is very, very interesting that in this pretty series anime which is aimed at perhaps the youngest audience yet, they have put the mc in a dorm, away from her family. weird. actually I am for the first time realizing exactly how many anime have schools with dorms. you'd think japan is overflowing w boarding schools but idk of a single one lmao...
Mitsuki: it sure was the right decision to move into the dorm!
Himari: (completely ignores her statement to bring up aipri)
Himari's look out of aipri is really cute, I've finally decided. it's a shame that her twintails as an aipri are such a weird shape??? why do they curve up on the outside like that, all I can see is a large intestine when I look at them...... :(
the first time I watched this my internet cut out just as Mitsuki's face was approaching Himari's. I knew what she was doing bc of the comic in the aipri fanbook, but still it was like, oh! looks like it's gonna be another totally straight pretty series show!
oh man, the op. the song itself is cute and catchy, but this vtuber's voice is just too much, and it gets more too much as the song goes on. I get the appeal of her being a "real-life aipri", and presumably she's popular so her fans might be drawn to watch, but I hope she doesn't sing the next op too..... oh you know what would be kind of cool is if every op was sung by a different vtuber. that way if one sucked we wouldn't have to hear them again, and they'd showcase a lot of different people.
Meganee is especially exceptionally cute in her op cameo!!!
oh. A Crush. let it be insignificant 🙏 but if they become idol princesses too I'll allow it.
I like Chii's voice a lot, and her passion regarding aipri, but on the list of things I'm finding myself saying "oh. shame :( " about is her unfortunate hairstyle. also speaking of things that remind me of other things, her name Chii Mamiya sounds like "chi mamire" (blood-soaked) or "chi mame" (blood blister). surely I am not the only Japanese understander who hears this.
Yusa Kouji-sensei has by far my fav character design in this show. he is officially my favorite aipri.
wow, it's the classic post-covid tv broadcast opening ceremony... a chillingly real element in this fantasy rich kid school. irl this is the first year since covid we've had in-person opening ceremonies in many schools, it's a shame they don't get to at paradise academy yet lmao
I'm not even going to touch this whole welcome speech. I'm just going to slowly back away and pretend like I didn't see anything.
I love the aikatsu-level background character design in this classroom!! bicolor twintails is cute.
I wonder if these elementary schoolers are relevant or are just there to show how many people are watching Himari.
lmao despite what I said about Chii I think we were sharing the same braincell when she said "Her Victoria levels are out of control!!" they totally are!!
am I misunderstanding this or did Victoria not ban aipri? didn't she say "in moderation" only...? this is literally the same kind of thing schools say irl abt cutting down on screen time. just more dramatic.
so the elementary kid is relevant. Yuma... will he be an aipri too? if not, why would he even exist?
I didn't catch the first time around that this bracelet was the one uh, Candy Motif was fiddling with in the student council meeting. where'd she get it from?
this is the least amount of love I've ever seen put into a commercial break eyecatch.
are the aimus... cute? I can't see it...
it's very funny that the lipstick immediately disappears when they go 3d. they knew it looks bad, and they've still gotta cram it in there for that single second to sell toys.
this cgi. I think everyone's said it so far, but it's really not the best... I think I might like the game's graphics a little better, even. I do like seeing the coords lit up at least.
P.O.P.P.Y is a cute enough song. it's just barely on the listenable side of the line for me, but I do think it's a great match for what aipri is going for. also that is definitely a dance that was made for preschoolers to imitate.
buzzalyume... idk if anyone is aware or not, but buzz is a word that's in really common use regarding social media in japan atm. like you would say "that's buzzing" (literally I mean, figuratively it's more like "that's all the buzz" like the english use of the word) about something that's all over your timeline or whatever. so it's not totally out of left field for them to choose that word in particular, but it doesn't mean that it sounds any less forced, that's for sure!!
Bear Bear Bear's voice is cute.
I don't like these emoji reactions all over the screen. not cute.
the ed is cute.
...finally, I watched it all. whew. I have to say, I was not wowed by it! but it was fine. it's far better than having no pretty series at all. I keep thinking "I'll put off my opinion till I know more about it" about aipri and I'm tempted to say it again now--in this episode we barely met the main two characters in favor of worldbuilding. it kind of makes sense as the first ep of a little kid show, but will the rest of the show stay at this same level of character depth? it's way too early to say. but for me, that's what'll determine how much I like it.
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Jared Kleinman for the character asks :)
Favorite Thing About Them
Jared is so bad at communicating he reminds me a lot of myself. I have ODD so it’s a little different, but the man is an asshole in the best way possible. He is petty and gives off angry cat energy in both fandom aspects and canon. Also I appreciate that he never acted against Evan even when he had the opportunity and reason to do so, he threatened it but he kept his mouth shut. Real friend right there <3 (I could tell everyone everything! Okay great! You go ahead! Do that! Tell everyone how you helped write emails pretending to be a kid who killed himself! Fuck you Evan!)
Least Favorite Thing About Them
He doesn’t have enough screen time/show time. People mischaracterize him because his entire character is shoved into as little time as possible. I know I just said that I love how he’s an asshole but he’s more than an asshole. He’s so clearly lonely and more than just an angry kid. At least in the book they made him “hot” in the end but the show and movie pretty much get rid of him come act two
Favorite Line
Kinky!
Just kidding
Asshole!
Okay okay for real this time
Yeah I hate to tell you this Evan, but you may have already perjured yourself.
Isn’t that only when you’re under oath? Like in a courtroom?
Well weren’t you under oath? In a way?
No.
Or from the movie (since I view them as different canons)
Connor took a letter from me. It was an assignment for my therapist.
Ew.
(I’d offer a different line but Jared doesn’t have that many)
BROTP
Jared and Zoe friendship!!! They hate each other they’re best friends they get drunk and cry together!!
Another excerpt of my own writing that explains this. Again my writing quality has gone up since this but oh well:
Connor rolled his eyes, "I'm saying that Evan will always be there, okay? You are so fucking stubborn, and I'm trying to be nice and make you feel better, just say thank you like a decent human being."
"You just made me feel shitty."
Connor threw his hands up, "Fuck! You're impossible!"
Zoe's voice screeched from below, "FUCK OFF! HE IS MY BEST FRIEND!"
— I don’t know what I want, but I need you. Chapter 12
OTP
Either kleinsen or kleinphy. They both have potential. All my kleinsen fics are really fluffy (soulmates, hurt/comfort, etc) and my kleinphy fics are like…rough and angsty (teen parenthood, child abuse, etc) I like both equally, but what I want to read depends on the content I’m looking for as shown by my own writing style
NOTP
Nothing icky like the parents being involved obviously, otherwise Jared/Zoe fics just don’t feel right. Jared is gay. Like he has to be. The book tried telling me he liked boobs and I know Val Emmich lied. Evan was simping at the end for a reason. Jared doesn’t even have to like Evan the man is still gay. Best part of the movie but dear god at what cost? (I did like the movie I swear)
Random Headcannon
Jared has two moms, or his mother is bisexual. I tried writing him with straight parents and every single time it feels kind of wrong
Also he has a cat. Her name is Mayonnaise. Mayo for short.
Unpopular Opinion
Idk if this is unpopular or not but I’m glad they cut Goin’ Viral. It only pushes the he’s an asshole idea and even though I love the song it wouldn’t have helped his characterization. I would have liked for them to properly record the song when they released the deluxe album but apparently Disappear Pt. 2: the duet version was more important.
Also Jared Goldsmith was my favorite Jared actor other than Will Roland. Nothing can beat the Will Roland vibes
Book Jared shouldn’t have ditched his glasses and got buff, they made him too powerful. Evan couldn’t help but fall for him. Let him stay as he is don’t make him conventionally attractive!
Song I Associate With Them
Jared is such a complicated guy. His feelings are deep. He’s cringy but free. I haven’t thought about this in a while hang on…
I imagine that Jared is a pop girlie and this gives the desperate for attention vibes that I usually associate with him
And as for his inherently cringey vibes that I usually give him…
I’m not sorry
Favorite Picture Of Them
Again, we have options…
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My internet was out for a week & this is my survival story.
No deadass I was kinda struggling 😭
But at the same time, I learned a lot about how social media is absolutely affecting my brain chemistry and it’s enlightening.
I’ve often had to take breaks from certain platforms whenever I find myself overwhelmed. But I always had an escape to like, other media.
When I ghosted FB for years, I took solace in Tumblr.
When I got burned out on fandom stuff on Tumblr, I ditched it for Twitter.
Whenever Twitter gets to be too annoying, I just scroll on Reddit.
But this was the first time in many moons that I had absolutely NO access to any of my vices. 🥲 Worst part was not having access to my besties on Discord, I felt so isolated and restless and bored. I depend on Twitter as like, my news station as well so there was a lot of FOMO on my shoulders. I was just sitting in the house like
I’m an asocial introvert but being absolutely cut off from the world at the safe distance I already kept it was brutal.
But, I went back to reading. I absolutely tore through Jacqueline Carey’s newest release in a day. I picked up an Astrology book I’ve had forever and read through that. I spent my time doing more chores or just… not having constant stimulus. I was still anxious because I couldn’t talk to my besties and also work on my VN stopped cause the team was waiting on ME to catch up 😩 But…
I’m calmer, overall. I feel less polarized and combative mentally. I have a lot to catch up on but it’s not as overwhelming in my head as it usually is. I feel like despite all my attempts at trying to get to a deeper understanding of astrology by following knowledgeable astrologers, I got more of a breakthrough NOT being pelted by a thousand astro opinions a day. Reading Carey’s book absolutely reignited my love for Terre d’Ange and adult writing in general; she has such a mastery over words I’ve only been able to grasp like ONCE in my life. I was all up in Joscelin’s story like
You really don’t notice how much you’re not being challenged in your reading until someone with her skill runs you over and you thank her for the privilege, LMAO!
I’m scrolling on Twitter now and feel detached from it in a way that’s good, I think. Being constantly informed is a double edged sword and I’m TRULY understanding how just… very reactionary social media is even when you follow people/topics that mean well. It literally cannot be healthy to absorb the knee-jerk takes and think pieces people make all the time, even if it shows me a perspective on issues I hadn’t considered.
It’s sad that my eternal fight with Cox internet forced me to take a sabbatical but I’m thankful for it. I need to be more disciplined and make my own planned absences from social media because I feel better not being constantly plugged in and doom scrolling. Idk how I’m gonna wrestle my ADHD to comply but ima figure it out, lol.
I guess this ramble is a reminder to take breaks from this hellsite and any other form of social media. It seems like nbd when you’re jumping from a YouTube video to IG to Tiktok all in the span of maybe 20 minutes and have been doing that for years. You don’t notice when you’re being overly influenced. You think cause you’ve curated your feed very well that you’re not stressed, especially when there’s extreme examples of unwell people on display to reassure you that you’re doing just fine by comparison.
Bestie, no you’re not. 😭 You’re drowning in stimulus and giving yourself no time to sit in stillness and find YOURSELF outside of all of the noise. Detox from all that and see how far you’ve REALLY come.
#also if you have a choice? do NOT use Cox#the customer service is excellent the reps are kind but the actual service is ASS#I wasn’t able to use my internet for a week and they only credited my bill 7 dollars#not the reps fault mind you but I’ve had so many battles with just getting continuous service before this shit that I’m just done#if they didn’t have a monopoly out here then I would have already gone with someone else#they charge too much for what they give
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can I ask for details abt this amnesia fic that once has so much promise? 👀
also fun fact I too have an amnesia fic that once held so much promise but is now functionally abandoned until further notice. hive mind moment
hello elli YES omg idk what it is apparently amnesia fics are just that fucking difficult. or smth. idk but!! yes i will share everything that is still in my brain involving this fic (under the cut tho i'm abt to infodump so hard)
this idea was originally planted by an anon who left a very cute little amnesia prompt in my inbox (anon if you're out there i'm so sorry i swearrr). i've since deviated from the og prompt which was fairly lighthearted (amnesia will sees mike hovering over him obsessively and assumes he's his bf. and mike short circuits. which was an excellent idea my brain just wouldn't accept it) and went for angst bc well. i'm like that. and basically my idea was just that will wakes up in mike's room very recently post-apocalypse (the wheeler's house has been a base in the apocalypse and mike offered his room bc of course he did), having been in a coma for a few months. the idea behind it was that vecna / the hive mind tried to possess him again, but this time will was strong enough to fight back, and though he couldn't fight *through* the possession he was at least able to kind of incapacitate himself so that he couldn't be used to hurt his friends (yay angst!!). while he was asleep the others managed to stop vecna / kill the UD, hence freeing will from possession. yay he's awake!! unfortunately, since he was in the coma for so long, the virus ate away parts of his consciousness, namely his memories.
basically i took s2 and birthdaygate and made it bigger and more dramatic and worse. yay parker!!
the way i was planning on having will's memories come back is very slowly and methodically (i.e. it takes him a while to remember stuff but once he does it pretty much sticks), mainly through him being reminded of them through sensory recognition or people sharing stuff - he also has vague feelings attached to people, and can definitely recognize when a face belongs to someone important to him (cough cough mike wheeler) but he doesn't remember names or details and this drives him INSANE.
the bylerification of this would be mike, post-apocalypse and broken up with el and having had some Very Important Realizations, frantically fumbling trying to give will love confessions and apologies when will literally doesn't remember any of their fights. so not only does mike have to apologize for everything, he also has to make will relive it first, and Then hope that will doesn't reject him. (hehe.) this sucks for him, but yada yada it all works out and they make out sloppy. the end
i abandoned this fic for a lot of reasons, many of which i no longer remember, but the main ones were a., that is a lot of backstory for a story that ultimately doesn't have much plot beyond Mike Is Stressed And Will Is Confused, and b., at the time i was kind of burnt out on writing/reading apocalypse stuff, and c., i wasn't a big fan of the concept of everyone saving the world with will still incapacitated bc i know my boy is more of a key character than that!!! (this is small and ik people could get over it for This One Fic but it Really Bothered me Ok)
that being said,,, writing all this out did remind me of how much i liked the concept and i think taking the pressure off of myself for a couple months did help, as did taking a break from apocalypsey concepts for a while. so. Maybe. and that is all i will say about that <33
#so sorry elli this is probably more than u ever needed to know#and if i did publish this fic ever it is now 100% spoiled#but. it's fine#i do have 15k written of scenes that i really do like#there's just more plot that needs to be added and at the time i was working on this that felt like an impossible task#. anyway#so sorry. but u did ask so this is really on you#and if you ever get ur amnesia fic going again i will be the no. 1 supporter !!!
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summary : Jay seems to keep appearing in your alternate nightmares. He acts as your night in shining armor, always helping you in your sleep. But when you try to stop the nightmares altogether he doesn't like it.
genre : thriller, angst.
pairing : Jay x you
PART 1.
PART TWO
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NOTE: GUESS WHO'S ALIVE LMFAO, IDK HOW MANY FOLLOWERS I LOST BUT YAH MY BAD I SHOULD HAVE ATLEAST PUT UP A NOTICE BUT I MYSELF DID NOT KNOW THAT ILL BE SO BUSY. not that anyone cares but I've noticed that i can NEVER consistently write sumth huge, i need to cut it into parts and update or I'll forget about it all together, hence why this oneshot will now be divided into a few parts. THANKS TO ANYONE READING THIS. also I'll be checking the responses i get after i post this and then think about writing the next part!!
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The first time I saw him, it had been way too long already. It was maybe the nineteenth or twentieth night? It wasn't like it really mattered anyway, when you have near death experiences every single night you just tend to lose count.
My hands were incredibly sweaty and it took everything I had in me to keep clutching to the edge of the hole to prevent falling into…..
I pause, taking a second to look down and see what I'm trying so hard to not fall into and regret immediately when I see nothing but darkness surrounding me, just a black hole of nothing to see miles ahead. Closing my eyes I feel the cold trickle of sweat rolling onto my neck, causing a tickling sensation. My calloused palms finally seemed to fix onto a rough rock giving me more support. And like clockwork as always my heart lifted, hope blossoming onto my chest.
And again, like clockwork, the rock shifted as soon as I put more of my weight onto it. The rocks slips off my fingers and my stomach drops to the floor along with the rest of my body I think in that millisecond. My throat is already preparing itself for a good heart wrenching scream enough to scare anyone with its unadulterated intensity and raw fear.
But the scream never comes. It dies silently in my throat when I don't feel the wind against me as I rush downwards. Instead what I feel is another pair of hands clutching mine, they feel warm against my cold ones and clean and so so soft. When I risk opening one of my eyes, I find a face looking back at me.
And then I wake up.
There's a gentle hand on my chest that tenderly coaxes me to sit up with my back straight. My eyes are sticky when I open them.
The nurse quietly hands me over a cup of water which I take gratefully and have small sips from.
"Is it the same one again?" Kyungsoo asks me.
Kyungsoo has been the nurse assigned to me ever since the accident and hence already aware of my daily night dose of torture.
I heave a great sigh, not bothering to change my nightgown which was slightly damp with cold sweat.
"Ya…" I answer back, "Not to the very end…I think I saw a random hand catching mine before I fell."
Kyungsoo brightness up at this, "Really? I had a feeling , you didn't scream this time."
"What? I didn't??"
Kyungsoo chuckles, happy that I'm showing progress even if it's just that I didn't let out another bone chilling scream from my sleep.
Without warning Kyungsoo flashes a flashlight in my eyes and I grimace. Over the past few weeks, since the car accident ,the only person I've even slightly warmed up to is Kyungsoo.
I'm happier with him, looking forward to the gossip and the company he brings every day, the small voice at the back of my head reminds me that he's probably just pitying me and doing his job but i ignore it, too occupied with the only person in this god forsaken place that treats me like I should be treated.
And no, I don't mean the pitying glances, even if that's incredibly annoying it's a clear given. I mean, I'm in a hospital for god's sake. But I know that everyone who has stepped in to treat me has an ulterior motive to fish more money out of my uncle's loaded pocket.
I know this for a fact, given just a month ago when I overheard my parents talking about the illegal bone marrow transplant that had taken place with the help of this very hospital. This news was just twice as bad when I think about the fact that the bone marrow transplant was for me and it was taken by my step brother who was only adopted to serve that purpose…and who was now dead along with my parents.
"Your uncle wants you to see a therapist soon." Kyungsoo interrupts my inner dilemma.
My face tenses immediately,
"I don't think I want to so soon…." I whisper.
Kyungsoo gives me a sympathetic nod.
"I know, and I told him so as well. Think about it okay? He wants to see you as well."
I nod, and he leaves me alone to go attend to other duties.
Sleep doesn't come easy as always. The air conditioning is too cold, I can't shift to a position of my liking because of my injuries and my mouth is dry but I would rather suffer a bit more than call in someone just to get me a glass of water. Eventually my eyes get heavy and I drift into the dark once again.
This time I'm in a car. The minute I'm able to think and process where I am, panic immediately settles in, my hands reach press against the glass but I see nothing but flames surrounding me , the smoke slowly begins to slip through the cracks and although I'm not in any real danger my breath is already thinning, my lungs seem to collapse on themselves and my brain shuts itself down. Every night I tell myself to remember to just sit still and wait for the danger to pass till I wake up. To just shut your eyes tight and curl up into a ball, to tell yourself the sensations and emotions I feel are imaginary and not real. Yet as always I can feel myself panicking and crying in despair. Perhaps a part of me is afraid that once I stop trying I won't wake up again.
The smoke turns thicker, and I have got to give my brain some credit, because the smoke seems to be winding itself in beautiful swirling patterns in the car and then it slowly turns into a deep shade of red. At this point I'm already hysteric. I don't know why but I've never tried to open the windows or the door. I just keep banging the door hoping it would fall out. As if it couldn't get worse, I can feel the smoke curl itself around my neck.
My hands are trembling widely and I'm pretty sure I threw up although it's not possible, my eyes sting with fresh tears and the smoke leaves my throat scratchy. The smoke that had slowly formed a ring around my neck seems to get tighter. It rubs against my skin uncomfortably and with every breath I try to make the ropes bind themselves tighter.
Any moment now. I tell myself, but when minutes pass and I'm laying on the seats trying to gasp for breath like a fish out of water , my eyes never open. I don't find myself in the hospital gown with someone beside me and I think that finally, maybe this time I'll be going for good. Just as the thought settles in, maybe now I'll be at peace with no more nightly terrors to look forward to. I hear the click of a door and someone's skin brushing against my body.
My eyes are open but I don't dare to look around instead choosing to focus on my breath. Two hands go under my back and lift me up. There's a deep groan right beside my ear. I can feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness but as soon as I'm out of the immense heat surrounding me the cloud of smoke disappear, my vision clears and I blink rapidly. I sit up immediately and cough, spotting my saviour sitting beside me. Also looking exhausted. His black shirt is torn in various places. He seems to be catching his breath and ruffling his brown hair.
"Are you okay?" I ask after a moment of hesitation, I'm not sure what I should ask someone who just saved me.
Said person turns around, his gray eyes bord into mine, a bit intimidating. After a small stretch of silence he replies, not to me, but speaking more to himself,
"It's okay, you'll wake up soon."
I get even quieter at that if possible.
He gets up to leave but I stop him, grabbing his wrist which is surprisingly warm and so human it freaks me out a bit.
"Wait, what's your name?"
He looks shocked and confused too as if no one had asked him that question before. He thinks for a second before answering , "Jay.."
And then I wake up. This time when I wake up I curse out loud. Kyungsoo who was sleeping and drooling on his own arm, jolts awake, "Jesus fuck! What the hell happened? are you good?"
I groan heavily, throwing my pillow in frustration. "Dammit! I didn't even thank him!"
"Thank who?"
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TAGLIST IS OPEN
@sunjaylove @ryejigyu
Part 2 will be coming soon
#jake#enhypen fluff#jay#enhypen angst#sunoo#enhypen#enhypen thriller#horror prompts#enhypen headcannons#enhypen scenarios#enhypen oneshots#jay oneshot#jay scenarios#enhypen jay#enhypen fantasy#enha#enha x reader#enha social media au
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SH-related Sleep Token lyrics part 3 (last part)
Part 1
Part 2
TW: SH (you know me...I get graphic every now and then)
Chokehold
“I come as a blade”
For some reason this makes me think about a sword rather then a razor blade. But it could also be a razor blade. Makes not much sense but it fits.
“So you keep me sharp and test my worth in blood”
This is a weird one. It makes me ask questions that I don't want to know the answers to.
“even if it hurts me”
It just fits and also I already talked about how I used to just not feel much anyway. So that pain from self-harm was just a reminder that I was still here.
The Summoning
“I've got a blood trail, red in the blue”
I never noticed how often he uses the word “blood” until today.
“You've got my body, flesh and bone”
It makes me think about things. But I don't want this to get too graphic.
Granite
“Reason dislocates”
Oh yes. I did not know why I was doing what I was doing. Even in therapy when I was asked “why do you do this?”. I was like “I don't know”. I really did not know or just was not aware of it. And also when you are constantly hungover you don't really think about stuff like that.
Why did I pick up something sharp to hurt myself?! I don't really remember.
Since I'm a total adrenaline junky maybe it I was curious in the first place and then I liked it and got addicted to it. Idk....My memory is so damn bad.
“And you'll never have to talk about it
You'll never wanna talk about it”
True. But my friend (BPD obsession...fave person type of friend) forced me to talk to someone. She dragged me to the school's psychologist. She was more or less a teacher but she actually had a degree in psychology. You could go to her and talk to her. So I was dragged there. Of course that did not go well. And also to this day I'm convinced that she told my parents about my self-harm. I was so damn cautious but yet one day they found out.
Whatever. It was a long time ago.
I can totally understand my friend back then because she was just concerned.
Aqua Regia
“cutting through the darkness, bouncing off the walls”
At least it's not cutting in the darkness......no he cuts through the darkness. That's just so much better and not hinting at something at all. I'm sarcastic today.
Well the dark times really do change you. All of them made me stronger. But going through them did leave scars.
“following a blood trail”
Oh well...blood stains are hard to remove. Idk what he means. Another one that I just put in here because he mentions blood again.
And there goes another one:
“cold love, hot blood”
How about hot love and cold blood?! Makes me think about those horses...idk how they are called in English. Coldblood?! Idk
Cold love as in there is no love coming back from someone but he is hot for them? It's like having a crush on a straight women or something like that. Well...wrong topic.
Vore
“My life is torn, my bones, they bleed”
I feel this line.
To me this is just an expression of being completely exhausted and having reached an end. Rien ne va plus. He is done. I get that. I felt like that so many times but it took a lot to turn that damn ship around and really get better.
“Are you in pain like I am?”
Idk Vessel. I self-harmed also. We share that but other then that I just don't know because of all the speculation. There is not much we know for sure.
Ascensionism
“'Cause anything's better then the way I feel right now”
I think we all get that and maybe know that feeling?
It's just that cutting yourself is not the answer and neither is starving yourself or drinking too much.
“Rose gold chains, ripped lace, cut glass”
Does he mean glass that is broken or does glass mean something else? I mean there are substances that you kind of lay out on a mirror. Whatever.
Cut glass fits the vibe of this so it gets to stay.
“Blood stains on the collar means just don't ask”
I wonder how they got there. Maybe from the substances?
Reminds of being scared of bleed through something without noticing it and then someone sees it.
Are You Really Okay?
Yes, I am. That's why I feel strong enough to write this.
“I was trying to hold back the darkness”
Reminds me of my mother's reaction when she found out about my self-harm. That “Oh My God....what happened? Why are you doing this? What's wrong?” So many questions but at that time I had no answers. Maybe I should write a bit more of how childhood trauma (CPTSD) leads to addiction. I felt horrible and there was a reason for that and yes it had something to do with the way I grew up.
“You woke me up one night
dripping crimson on the carpet”
This sucked me in, into the lore. I wanted to know what the word crimson meant. I had to look it up and then I wanted know who was dripping crimson. At the time when Take Me Back To Eden was released I had not really looked at much photos of the band or Vessel. But it's these lines that made me search through the lyrics like I was crazy and also through photos. I found what I was looking for. Kind of.....
“Cutting deeper than the scars could run”
I still have this tied to a suicide attempt that maybe took place. Because when you are dead then there are no more scars. But that's all I'm going to say about this. It's just so sad but I can understand that.
I should also mention:
“I cannot fix your wounds this time”
“Please don't hurt yourself again”
The Appariton
“I wake up to a suicide frenzy”
I don't even want to think about this one.
“This wound will never heal”
I kind of get that. But it seems like this is more a metaphorical wound.
“It just split what's left of the burning silence”
What was that with burnt skin again...?! Burning cathedrals....This dude amazes me more and more with the endless connections. But I don't really get this line.
Do You Wish That You Loved Me?
“Or do you push into constant aching?”
Pouring salt into the wounds?! I actually did that.
“Can you ever forgive? (Yourself)
The guilt thing again. We are all guilty of something. That makes me joke. There are some things that I have not brought up yet. But I'm kind of...idk. Some things are too much. Or are still too much. But yes I know what it's like to feel so guilty and you need to hurt yourself so can deal with those feelings.
“Maybe not that you conceal your feelings, they just don't exist”
I was lectured by a therapist once about not knowing the answer to how I feel. When I'm dissociated then I don't know how I feel. The point of dissociation is to keep me save from difficult emotions. None of my therapists ever noticed how dissociated I was.
I already mentioned that not being able to feel or being dissociated was one of the reasons behind my self-harm.
Rain
“It's that chemical cut that I can get down with”
Because Aqua Regia is used to dissolve stuff? And you stopped visiting Sleep? Or it's something that's like “noFap” which is common among spiritual humans and others? Or an actual cut?! Idk what to do with this one. But I had to put it in here.
Take Me Back To Eden
“Bleed through spaces”
Hospital after “crimson on the carpet”?! Idk. Too much and don't want to think about certain things.
I don't really have anything attached to this.
“Reset my patient violence”
patient or a patient.....let's leave it with that....
“I spit blood when I wake up”
So have I. But it was the worst hangover that I ever had. Other than that it's just in here because of the word blood again.
“I dangle in like cold cuts”
Being trapped in hospital is not nice. Time stands still and there is nothing much you can do. It felt like that in psychiatry and it also felt like that when woke up in hospital one day.
“No amount of self-sought fury
will bring back the glory of innocence”
I have this tied to something different but I don't want to bring this up here....this breaks my heart actually.
You can see self-harm as some sort of self-sought fury. At least kind of. When you just don't know how to deal with things in a more healthy way then it's more of a strategy to survive. Even when it does seem like it. But it often felt like that for me.
Euclid
“I play along with the life signs anyway
Hope to God you don't know this feeling”
I know this feeling, Vessel. I just do. Suicidal ideation is probably the best term to describe it.
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What's your opinion on the flanderization of the Eds during the later seasons? More specifically the school episodes.
I remember being so upset about it as a kid.
Double D and Ed are relatively reserved people with Eddy being pretty much the most extroverted of them. Especially in the start of the show.
Ed is that weird kid that makes obscure references to TV shows and movies he's watched, he's so absorbed into science fiction comics and horror flicks he believes it's real. Double D is too weak for the other kid's games and too much of a know-it-all that'd it be a put off to most of the Cul-de-sac kids and Eddy was well.. small and a loud-mouth bossy but, he meant well. They all meant well.
He just wanted to fit in, they all did. (felt deep in my soul)
With Eddy, Ed and Double D had a sense of belonging, they had each-other and that's what mattered to them. They're social outcasts but they are outcasts that weren't alone.
Them growing apart with the school episodes just made so hurt especially as I watched the re-runs while in Junior High/Middle School myself.
Am I going too deep into this? Probably. Thoughts?
Ooohhh I love talking about season 5/6!!
Opinions under the cut bc this will probably get long. (You're afraid you went too deep but I've already dug to china, my friend lmao)
My opinion of it used to be the same as you way back in the day. I remember seeing the first new episode and literally turning off the television because I was so irritated. Everything was so different, I could tell the animation was different, they were going to SCHOOL... something I hated thinking about when I was a 14-15 year old teenager myself. I used to watch this show to get away from reality, not relive the experience. I didn't like change as a kid. Change is scary, but I've come to discover as I got older that change is inevitable, and the sooner we embrace it, the happier we'll be.
However, my opinion of the later seasons as an adult has changed drastically.
I actually really love the later seasons now. The characters are so much more expressive and silly. Sure, some of the episodes are a little cringy, but don't we all have memories from our childhood that make us cringe? Looking back at my own childhood, school was just a part of the experience. It sucked in the moment, but I have so many fond memories of my friends and I going through school that I will never get to relive again.
The one thing I've always admired about this cartoon is how much it reminds me of my childhood. And part of the reason I still love it today is because I get to relive the experience of being young through the Eds over and over again. It's not about magic, or spies, or superheroes... it's just three kids being kids. It's so simple, but so powerful.
I'm sorry, but I have to hard disagree with you on them drifting apart in the school seasons though. They're growing up, showing their differences, but what mattered at the end of the day was that they were still friends. I had a couple of friends since the first grade, we all grew into different people, but despite EVERYTHING we are still best friends to this day. That's how I see the Eds. That's how I want the Eds to be if there ever exists a canon version with them as adults. No matter who they've become. No matter where they are. No matter how much time has passed, they'll always be friends.
So, to answer your question: Seasons 5/6 are one of my favorites, actually. They're different for sure, but school is just another part of being a kid. And friendships are definitely tested in school, especially for such different personalities such as Ed, Edd and Eddy. But the bond they share is even stronger at the end of the day. That's how I view it.
Idk, maybe I've spend way too much time reading in between all the lines.
I hope I was able to articulate my thoughts well enough <3 Sorry if it wasn't the answer you were looking for. But thanks for asking!
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I really trust your opinion on things, if you don't want to answer this I completely understand.
I'm struggling with classifying myself as butch. I used to be much more "the type" but now I like to be a bit femme too. I was a gym rat with short hair. Now I'm disabled and weak with medium hair. I can't decide if I want to cut my hair off again or not, sometimes I wear dresses and get done up. I learned I do like some makeup too. I'm also strictly a service sub.
Is there such a thing as a femmebutch? Am I not butch anymore or am I turning femme? Idk I'm still learning about lesbian culture and how I fit in
You reminded me of this piece from The Persistent Desire by Joan Nestle, and I decided to share it, because it isn't my intention to share it with the "Sharing the Knowledge" series, but it seems pertinent here.
I want to address a couple things. First off, I can't classify you as either, that's not up to me, these are very personal and subjective identities, I'll talk about myself and my opinions and I hope that'll help. I also want to reassure you that if you happen to be an unaligned lesbian, you're just as great and valid, a lot of people think that they have to fit into either one of these identities, and, for some, labels, but that's not true, you don't have to be butch or femme and you'll still be just as valid in sapphic spaces.
Now I understand your reticence, but I have addressed some of these stereotypes and, you know me, I'll address them again as needed.
There seems to be a lot of focus on looks and I wanted to get my message out again, that's not what these identities are about. Butches and femmes can do whatever they want with their hair, in fact I've been wanting to shave my head for a bit now, doesn't make me any less femme, without makeup I'm not any less femme, I'd think the same should apply to you. I understand specially how you feel about being disabled, butch and femme have both been defined with action and movement so much in our history, it can be hard sometimes to find your place in it, where do we fit if we're disabled, we're all still learning about how to best show up with those, I think disabled butches and femmes are slowly redefining our places in our community and that's important, furthermore your butch (or femme) identity shouldn't rely on being able bodied and speciality not on physical strength, that's not what it is about, from the bottom of this disabled femme's heart. I am and feel disabled and weak too and I give myself and my body the space and time it needs to recover and I do what I can in these actions and movements I see about.
That was an important part, that hit close to home. Continuing I have in the same before mentioned series, a piece that talks about how conscious gender building can be a lot of work but it's also very important, that we could all benefit from a bit more fluidity and less rigidity when it comes to gender expression specially. "There are as many ways of performing, embodying and discussing butch and femme as there are butches and femmes"
this is from Persistence: All ways Butch and Femme by Ivan Coyote and Zena Sharman
I believe these identities, with conscious gender building, take what's best for them from each masculinity and femininity and that's not one size fits all, I'll repeat into forever.
You gotta know what each of these gender pieces mean to you.
But I'll be clear regardless, you don't have to hate makeup and dresses to be a butch, you don't have to be dominant to be a butch, most butches I know are switches, a lot of butches I know are submissive and I love them so much.
I don't quite believe in turning femme or turning butch, mostly because I think you put words to what you are as you go, at least that's what I did and I'm only one femme. I was femme way before I had the words for it and had been longing for this identity, when I found the word it was like finding home.
I'll say it again to fit in lesbian culture you don't have to be femme or butch, if you are, that's great, if you're not, that's also great. Conscious gender building is important for all of us. Have a think, go through my butch/femme tag, do some research about what these identities mean (specially for you) and hopefully you'll be able to answer your questions.
Hope this helps in some way, thank you for trusting me ♥️
#bellas butch/femme tag#ask#persistence: all ways butch and femme#the Persistent Desire: a femme butch reader
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Hi! Hope your week is going great!
I’d love some advice on how to stop obsessing and comparing myself to a woman I know on campus. She gave me her number and I thought we were going to be friends. But she’s one sided: I am the only one contributing the most in conversations. When I ask her hobbies and all of that jazz, she just gives me a limited response with little to no means of knowing about her. When I said a bit about myself she looked invested and said ohhh that’s good to know and I didn’t know that.
I began texting her and she seems excited to hear from me and sends hearts and texts me days at a time (she’s busy I get it).
I don’t feel like it’s going anywhere and now I’m embarrassed at myself because I struggled making eye contact when speaking to her once before and she’s super confident so she clearly knew I wasn’t, but still gave me her phone number. She even looked like she wanted to say more when I mentioned how it was hard making friends in the organization I was in due to being new to school and how cliques were big and I left left out. I told her I admired her work in the organization and how messy the scheduling appears by the eboard. She asked how could they improve and I chatted a bit. She looked like she wanted to say more but she held back a bit which was weird so we sat in silence because once again I was saying everything and she hardly came up with any conversation and I decided to leave. During our talk several different women cut into our talk by ignoring my presence and praising her for her looks and everything and reminisced about things they’ve done or looking forward to.
I just sat there and she introduced me a few times.
They kept raving about her, and they seem like nice women.
When I’m at the club organization I remember when I first began speaking to her she was hyper observant of me. Continuously watching me from the stage (she’s on the eboard). And I found it weird (before I spoke with her about the club).
I admire her for many reasons, she’s a socialite and has stunning dresses that remind me of pageant dresses that she wears to campus events.
She travels and has a tight group of friends she hangs out with but no one knows who they are until she sends a bday shout out on IG and it’s literally women who I have spoken to but never see her speak with. And everyone loves her. Everyone.
She is inspiring but now I feel uncomfortable because I wanted to have coffee with her which she agreed to when we exchanged numbers months ago and I texted her.
Once again it was dry, not much but excitement and emojis ofc.
Now I feel used — or revealed?
Like I revealed too much to her in simple conversations we have.
She has a wall up with selective women she lets in.
I’m clearly nothing compared to her even though I’ve done Great things in my school career and she seemed impressed at what I’ve done but that was it,
I wanted to network and go great things with her.
I remember her twin brother kept staring at me the first time I met him at an event and she was watching me as he was staring and watching him.
Due to my nerves I didn’t pay him any mind so nothing happened.
But I’m still insecure and comparing and I even had to stop obsessing over her at one point. But since our recent texting (barely any contribution from her), I feel like a pathetic puppy that’s begging for attention and she likes the praise. And I give it to her all the time and stopped eventually because I noticed I needed to. I told her she’s like a inspiring big sister and she said she appreciated that and said I’m sweet.
Idk how to look at myself as great and on the same level. I feel pathetic in relationships and friendships wishing I can be a siren like she is.
I am awkward and have anxiety and situations at home that causes me to hardly focus on myself like she can.
I wish I didn’t feel so insecure and embarrassed about myself. I want to cut her off and just never see her around again due to the discomfort I’m begging to feel and sadness I have towards myself atm.
I also don’t know how I’m going to deal with seeing her again when school begins. She told me I should join the club organization again and hugged me and spun me around in front of everyone (this was at the club event). And I was shocked but I didn’t promise I would join.
Funny thing is all my friends think I’m super confident and pretty and smart, and they ask for tips from me about confidence and posture and how outgoing I am.
I am so confused.
Hi love! I'm sorry to hear that this situation over a potential friendship/acquaintance is causing you confusion and some distress. A few things to say here.
Firstly, most healthy relationships build over time and you're not going to be instant best friends with most people/engaging in long or deep conversations until the foundation of a relationship is built and trust/a mutual emotional connection & familiarity is established. It seems like this woman is overseeing an eboard and being friendly/cordial to everyone involved – she seems to be preoccupied with her own life and not exactly looking for new best/close friends.
Additionally, as a socialite, she is naturally going to be more careful and selective about who she lets into her close friend group or inner circle. With more money and social power comes more of a chance that someone will use them in a friendship – either for invites, connections, or status. Idolizing someone in this position will only make her want to step further away from the potential friendship. Putting people on a pedestal/desperation for a friendship will often drive people away (even more so if they have an active social life, a huge network, and greater access to social groups/resources).
I bet that you're really smart, confident, and all-around a great friend/person to be around (you already have the social proof/confirmation to prove that!). However, unfortunately, some people are just interested in remaining on friendly/good terms with other people and new connections for a multitude of reasons that likely have little to do with you as a person. If you want to invite her out for coffee to discuss something specific related to her work regarding the organization, I see no harm in putting yourself out there in a way that feels relevant rather than desperate to have a social outing with a socialite (people in this position can be quick to distrust a potential friend's intentions, honestly).
Either way, at the end of the day, you're both just people living your lives, so I wouldn't take it too personally. Remain friendly and match her level of engagement when you happen to interact. If a friendship develops over time, that's amazing – who doesn't want another great friend? Otherwise, no harm, no foul. You seem to have a lot going for you and a group of people who see that clearly already surrounding you. If someone doesn't want to embrace what you have to offer, that's on them. We're all entitled to live our lives and spend our time/energy on different social connections as we see fit (as long as there's no bullying or mean-spirited activities behind someone's back, of course).
Hope this helps xx
#femmefatalevibe#friend advice#making friends#friendship#networking#social skills#social interaction#socializing#college life#college advice#college student#community support#girl advice#girl blogging#dark femininity#dark feminine energy#it girl#femme fatale#high value woman#the feminine urge#queen energy#female power#dream girl#female excellence#self reflection#glow up#level up journey#girl talk#q/a
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please talk about the bl actors you find absolute shit I love controversial opinions
LMAO puta out here tryin to get me cancelled, rejected, cast out, exiled
sure why not, putting this under a cut b/c no one likes seeing bad opinions on ppl they like so enter at your own risk etc etc:
tbh there's not a ton of them b/c I haven't watched as many shows as other folks. Like, watching shows is difficult tbh especially Thai ones which are like an hour long each episode and have a lot of filler I just can't find it in my soul to do it okay. BUT out of the shows I have watched I've been left pretty unimpressed by:
Ohm from Until We Meet Again: I know he's really well liked, but I'm sorry my dude can't act. Flat. I probably have the most firm opinion on him and I just find myself so thoroughly unimpressed. I think what doesn't help is that Fluke is a good actor.
And I don't just mean the crying, like Fluke, Gun, and First are all good criers right? It's a fandom joke at this point but like, that ability isn't what makes them good actors. You can see their experience on screen, in how they embody the characters they play, the subtle changes in their physicality, how they line read, the way they interact with their costars.
I've said before but I find Pharm to be a pretty boring character, but Fluke gives him enough charm on screen that I don't outright dislike him. Meanwhile Dean is just boring. He's BORING. And Ohm doesn't have the skills to make him not boring. Stoic characters are actually really difficult to play, I actually really liked the performance of Wang Yibo in The Untamed b/c without the use of animation LWJ is a difficult character to play b/c he's so internal and stoic outwardly. But Yibo gives him some humanity with his line reads and his eyes (the lantern scene comes to mind) and I don't even LIKE that show.
Ohm just doesn't have the skills to make the standard stoic romantic hero work, he's to flat, he relies to much on his innate physicality to carry the performance. All that said I haven't watched one of his recent shows so maybe he got better idk!
Bright from 2Gether: Idk if this is popular or not and I didn't even like 2Gether but talk about another dude who can't act woof. Bright reminds me of the mixed actors Netflix always casts in their teen romcom sequels that are hotter than the basic white dude love interest but never win b/c why would they? Anyways he can't act, I liked the other dude Win way more. He had great comedic timing and even when Bright was required to act like happy or joyful it came off as ~Acting~
Off from Theory of Love/Not Me: So lemme say that I don't think Off is a bad actor not like Bright and Ohm flat lmao I just think Gun out acts him at like every corner. I think Off lacks charisma but that's so subjective so I don't talk about it much b/c I know ppl love him/OffGun but like, I don't see it much. Idk OffGun is nice, they're nice! But they're just nice. They're chemistry doesn't wow me or blow me away or anything there's something I find really restrained about them? Like they've been working together for so long they feel more like really good friends than that passionate I want and love you type romance. I will say tho I think Off picks some good projects so good for him
Earth/Mix: FML this one's gonna get me okay so like I don't think either Earth or Mix are bad actors but I think they're a bit idk overhyped? I found 1000 Stars mind numbingly boring - except for Mix's char I loved the char but found the performance a bit lackluster - and they're the least interesting part of Moonlight Chicken for me. They remind me of OffGun where they're such good friends and they've only really worked with each other mainly (I know Earth's worked with other screen partners) that I think it's developed some bad acting habits and they're to comfortable. They don't give me that passionate I want and love you type romance. Which for 1000 Stars, totally fine it wasn't that type of show but I really felt that missing bit in Moonlight Chicken.
Mix was trying hard to give bedroom eyes (and I do think he succeeded!) but tbh I didn't feel the sexual tension between them, I didn't feel the "this is a bad idea but I want you to much to care" vibe. I honestly think Earth was a miscast anyway b/c the char is supposed to be almost 40 and he's fucking 28 irl it's as unbelievable as Jennifer Lawrence at 20-something playing a 40-something in American Hustle.
Earth also plays mostly stoic characters and I think they often come off as boring. I think he's actually pretty funny? His comedic timing is pretty good but he doesn't get to play fun characters! He doesn't have enough experience to give weight to these old characters they keep casting him as.
I think you can really see the difference in the scenes with First and Mix actually. Mix was better but you could see First was leading those scenes. What's truly frustrating is I think Mix could grow as an actor if he wasn't always paired up with Earth. One of the reasons I think First, Gun, and Fluke are so good is b/c of their experience. They act against other people, they take out there projects at times, being locked in a "pairing/ship" just hurts an actors development imo it's limiting and I selfishly hate it
It also doesn't help that Thai BL usually only has shallow secondary relationships between the main chars and supporting characters. Like, one of my gripes with 1000 Stars is all the supporting cast are severely under developed to the point they really are just avatars for "kind village people" they're more of an ideal than actual characters yes even the doctor who was just the standard "best friend who helps the mains hook up".
not to harp on Kinnporsche but one of the best things about the show is the time it takes to make characters interact with other chars outside of their romances. Pete's friendships with Arm, Tankhun, and Pol feel genuine. The mean girls club of Big and Ken feels real (you know those coworkers, you've HAD those coworkers), Porsche and Chay's relationship feels REAL and sincere and valued, Porsche's relationship with Tankhun is funny yes, but contrasted with how Tankhun acts around Kinn and Korn. Kim's isolation adds to his storyline. Kinn's relationship with his brothers is paralleled with Porsche and Chay's. Vegas relationship with Kinn, Gun, Porsche, Pete even Tawan are all so VASTLY different it's amazing to see.
What also helps is seeing what actors bring out what. Like, Bible is a good example, the energy he has with Apo is different than what he had with Build. Like obviously Vegas "love" for Porsche was fake while it was real for Pete but making that distinction clear in your performance matters. And isn't as easy as folks would think.
ok I'm beat that's all for now folks lol
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