#im in pain. im stoned and i made myself SO SAD writing this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

help-i-need-a-cool-username · 1 year

Text

Its the end of the year! Which means its time to post the

Tags That Made Me Smile 2022

The following are a collective list of tags, author notes, and fic names that i saw on ao3 and tumblr that made me either laugh or smile. Ive separated them by fandom but a good amount arent actually fandom specific. Ive added the character names or fandom at the end like {name} to clarify who the tag is talking about

[2021's list]

Author Specific / Non-Specific

i saw canon; acknowledged it; And promply burned it in a dirty trash can thanks; Have this instead

Give me pain I need to feel something

this is self projection thank you coming to my ted talk

Whats that?? Overused tropes that everyone has seen before????? Pfffffffft. This fic is literally just a big mess of "how can I cater to myself and myself only"

you ever just look at your life and wonder how you got here; bc that's what this fic is for me

Don't underestimate me I DO NOT know how long this fan-fic will be

can you tell my target audience is myself

this is content specifically catered to me and no one else

these characters are my landlords and i pay them rent

P O L Y A M O R Y I S M Y P O L Y J A M O R Y

cheek kiss warning

kidnapping isn’t sexy don’t do it

i've never read the archie comics but that's not gonna stop me {archie sonic}

not me writing a whole fic for a ship only i care about; that like maybe two other people ship; rowing this boat is hard but someone has to do it {scourge x fleetway sonic}

ankles don't heal this fast but fuck it i do what i want

no beta we die like men; or rather we drown like the sad shipper with a pool noodle we are

I'm afraid of the Danimals mascot and you should be too

if you're getting flood warnings, don't worry. It's just MY TEARS!

me at every character: anxiety be upon ye

Me (Grabs canon and runs a marathon with it)

Quote: Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he's created (Spy Kids) {tmnt crossover}

Alternate Universe - Monty Python and the Holy Grail

contains dangerous amount of bed based snuggling

(kind of its a very short very homosexual fight scene); and then they kiss.

Hostage situation takes a romantic turn???? Not clickbait????

enemies to frenemies

Improper Use of Pool Noodles

stone cold stoicism meeting determined stupidity

Star Wars

Kanan Jarrus: The Daddening

platonic love is what healed his lonely existence {din djarin}

when in doubt: road trip with the besties {din, boba, fennec}

Soul Eater

found family at its finest {kid, liz, patty}

The Witcher

wife (platonic) {yennskier}

at first I was like haha geralt and Istredd should kiss as a joke…. but bro I don’t think it’s a joke anymore….

Sonic the Hedgehog

Movie!Super Sonic is made out of LOVE no one touch me

Sonics gay awakening I guess

sonic movie 2 made me make an ao3 account lol

Sonic was made to love people

Two Bros Chillin’ in an ER Five Feet Apart ‘cause they’re not gay {sonic x shadow}

the most dangerous thing is to love {shadow}

Trapped in a small box with just enough room to face some feelings {sonic x shadow}

the R in rivalry stand for romance {sonic x shadow}

The L in Rivalry Stands For 'Love' {sonic x shadow}

A Largely Platonic Cave

i love boom!shadow so naturally i made him even more insufferable

Sad-ow

Wachowskis holdin it down in the bg; Absolute champs

I love how Shadow is just so mindbogglingly utterly done with reality

Knuckles is a guardian of all things great and small

“Would you kiss a worm?" “If he was cute as fuck? Yeah.” {wade x stone}

"What is this made of, bendable titanium?!" "INCORRECT. IT IS MADE OF THE FRUSTRATIONS OF MOTHERS EVERYWHERE." {team dark}

featuring a scourge that trips far too much because it's my fic and I said so {scourge x fleetway sonic}

no thoughts just soft hedgehog moments

listen if im going to die at the hands of injured lancelot shit i might as well take advantage of it

Everyone has a crush on Lancelot and I'll die on this hill

fairy Lancelot Fairy Lancelot FAIRY LANCELOT!!!

TMNT

Slow Burn; mostly on april's end of things; casey and donnie are basically on fire right off the bat {tmnt 2012}

Rise!Donnie and 2012!Casey be out there committing arson together for their first date >.>

Please enjoy Casey, the fool, realizing his feelings for Donnie, another fool {tmnt 2012}

Draxum and Splinter are the turtles' dads (it's a reluctant partnership)

just two absolute powerhouses holding each other gently {raph x mona}

“There’s nothing wrong with the way you love, Dee. Goodnight.” {rottmnt}

Wondering what to do when the apocalypse happens? Easy: fly across the country and get Vegas-married. That's definetley an appropriate reaction that won't involve your complicated feelings towards your roommate at all {hypno x warren}

Look rise are weapons of war 12 were accidents and I play with that HARD in this fic

"GET IN THE TURTLE TANK BITCHES WE GOING TO FAMILY THERAPY" {rottmnt}

Donatello is now Dad-Atello {rottmnt}

The other [Casey] is out on a beach in Tahiti; It's what he deserves after surviving the Krang {rottmnt}

Leo is now actively being hunted for sport; (the only sport Donnie is good at) {rottmnt}

These turtles can fit so much trauma

2018 Karai lives because fuck Nick; Casey x Donnie x April are a healthy ship and also fuck nick again

I cant be the only one pissed by Leo's and Karais 'love interest plot'; Leonardo's weird feelings were simply gender envy...Yes that is canon now {tmnt 2012}

What happens when two "dudes" call each other 'girlfriend'; Transgender activities, that's what! {tmnt 2012}

splinter is twice divorced and never married {rottmnt}

Papatello / Dadatello {rottmnt}

draxum's gone from dadxum to grand-dadxum good for him

HOLY FUCKING SHIT YES YES YES YES; GRANDPA BARRY COMING IN CLUTCH

draxum just be like gramps still got it; and by 'it' i mean a complete lack of forethought for care when creating random children

Puts the Bi in Bitchless {rottmnt leo}

its because ninja turtles

feral mamatello {rottmnt}

Marvel

it's the anguish, the self flagellation, the audacity to love the man who annihilate ur nation and killed ur mother; your m o t h e r {black panther}

#hinacu #i cant believe my fav one is from TLG 🤣#star wars rebels #the mandalorian #soul eater #the witcher #sonic the hedgehog #sonic boom #sonic movie #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #rottmnt #black panther #can u tell i'll read just about anything?#expected some things to have really funny tags and they never made the list

35 notes · View notes

bloodiedthorns0102 · 9 months

Text

is this cheesy?

maybe, i cant really say a lot of my writings ever been good in all fairness- i was always taught to only write in ways that appealed to people who lived through a past thats no longer present for me to live in. Write it this way and that- use these words and not those-

arent i just human though?

i guess writing this in a more human or casual way makes it less terrifying- its kinda just a stream of thoughts that's been rushing through my head. and sure my heads wild to listen to already as is- but the more i see things as so tragic nowadays and my views been pushed down to such a negative chapter of this play-

i cant really say its easy being trapped with myself

nowadays we see these changes all over the world but it's blurred and smudged over into a mucky grey

and isn't that annoying too? im an artist- so smudging something that's supposed to be more vibrant into something terrible to look at is just disheartening and disappointing. me myself I've had a lot of emotional shifts as of lately too- been feeling like a rubix cube being knocked around after years of no use.

im getting off track though- even if you didn't know it- man many of these writings are like "life changing" to some people but really it just sounds like im talking to the stars again whether that's on my new roof, on my old balconies at the apartments i used to live in, or the old porch my grandpa built with my mother when i was a child at my childhood home. to me speaking to the stars is just a reflection of myself im speaking to without the harshness of such a pale exhausted face staring back at me.

i mean light years away someone is maybe seeing me through a telescope like we are the beginning of our universe right now and im happy. im happy and not truly aware of the pain and sadness i was feeling yet and i had my brother and a somewhat normal life.

ive always lived so lonely though no matter the amount of cats or animals ive had.

even looking at the stars makes me feel smaller even if it can be so motivating seeing such a big picture thats so close to reach yet so far away. i cant help but be nihilistic and critical can i? dear lord and here i was reading about two vampires loving each other so dearly earlier.

back to the star thing though- i cant help but feel crushed looking at the fading remains of stars we call beautiful cause really all we are are looking at the past when we look up at them. the light hasnt hit our eyes yet in time to be present for them.

and thats really how i feel nowadays- a star in its death that no one can see because the light of the present hasnt truly hit them yet because they are so far from me to even touch. like really it takes 8 seconds for us to see the suns light- but imagine being so far people only see you at the age of 1,000 out of maybe millions of years you have been alive.

and i guess thats why i make myself feel so much hurt and sorrow- to convince myself im truly living and present within my own life and others- to feel like i made SOME impact- anything something nothing everything. i just, cant fathom im here for it all to amount to anything

but really can anyone? then again thats the question we all ask and we always say the same thing to each other

"yes you can!! you already are now!!"

if i have why cant i feel it paving a path within my own stone filled garden??? why cant my roses flutter to life again slowly??

and we all know it takes time but is that time or light ever gonna be able to hit the eyes of others fast enough?

will my death be so near to me or has already happened but no one has seen it yet?

why am i so far away- or are the people i love the ones that are far? why does their light shine so bright just for me to dread knowing its going to dim out at any point without me being able to predict it.

and ya know theres only so many tiktoks you can see on that damn for you page of people just living and sit in your room wondering if youre ever gonna live as much as them.

but are they also living?? i guess my therapist has shown me how to live more then say even a trip outside ever could in just almost 2 years. though living is always a choice for the person within it. i guess it makes the dilemma of people seeing my life much slower then how my death began better right? they see how i chose to live and fulfill myself rather then begin to give up cause i felt my core exploding from immense amount of energy and collisions.

and sure thats sweet to hear but- when is everyone gonna try and live within the present alongside me and how much more do i have to plead and beg and scream and whimper in pain for someone to realize its actually happening??????

ok maybe that got a little dark

but idk- questioning it all might be futile but questioning it can bring awareness so why not ya know?? may as well not be blind even towards myself even if this all feels VERY dramatic and ill probably cringe over it hours later.

imagine lmao

1 note · View note

the-story-of-hasan · 2 years

Text

Dear Melady

Maybe you will get it maybe you won't. I get that isn't how your middle name was spelled but if you remember that's how i always said it. I figure it was too pick on you a bit n try to be cute about which it up but whatever. I am writing this to let ALL my feelings out and maybe i can feel better or move completely on or just so you don't pop up in my head out of the blue wheather its good or bad but i just want to not bottle anything inside anymore. I dont feel the need for any disclaimer b.c. honestly what good will it do the feeling we have seem to be set in stone and there isn't anything we could do to change that. So here it goes...

Honestly I never thought i could love someone more than my 1st love until i met you. Even with my early on doubt i wanted to have you forever. I never met someone that i would have so many dreams of growing old with. Maybe i wasn't the best b.c. i didn't know how to love you but i tried really really hard. People say it should come easy but i don't believe that for one sec because there isn't a right or wrong way. The are so Many ways a person could require love. I had a lot of future romantic plans but i felt like i had to start over b.c of how many times we broke up. You as a person are amazing you are a diamond in the the rough. But there are things i couldnt get pass to see you shine like i felt you could. I honest couldn't tell what was your truth from your lies or was everything a truth when it was said but when times presented itself you too it.

I felt at peace in your arms and when your were in mine. This feeling beaten all reason for not being with you. Didn't matter what anyone told me on how you were a horrible partner it didnt matter b.c they didn't no how the world could feel so calm when we were in each other arms. Its like our soul were connected. I close my eyes and sometimes i feel you i don't know if we are still connected in some way other then or boy but its like sadness comes out of nowhere n you pop in to my head and i could be having a great time being me then in a instant im sad n i think about you. This also happens in the opposite way as well.

I still carry around the pain from our time together and i feel like i never was your type. I feel like i was never good enough for you even tho i personal felt i was but the way you made me feel most times was like i was never doing anything right like i was never pleasing you. Or that you found me disgusting. I never felt like a king while i was with you. I never felt like an equal. The way you made me feel was like a nigga. I noticed it was like you blamed a lot more shit on me but it feel like you were more attacking guys in general.

I don't want to sit here and type to bash you or anything so i am just sticking to writing to let out my feelings in a mature way. This is recently i decision i wanted to have children again... now the thing about that statement is i never stopped wanted to have children again its just i didn't want to have children with anyone else but you. So i held a certain hatred towards you b.c i felt like there was never going to be a way for us to be in a relationship again. I kept that to myself for a long time. I never thought i would want to have a kid with another person ever. Once i had the realization that i do what to still have kids regardless if it was with you or not it was an very emotional break for me.

The way i feel now... i think im ready to let go i stopped trying to see if you are ok until today when you popped into my mind. But i think today its the day i give you access to block me. So i unblocked you from all things and giving you if you still read my post to them block me. You made few promises to me n i doubt you ment to keep any of them but i do hope you keep the promise that you graduate and publish at least one book when i get wind of it ill buy it. But also keep moving foreword. I will always have love for you but as of today I'm letting go of all the hate and the pain. I really wish i got to talk to you face to face but maybe it was for the best. I wish you all the power so you can over come your hardship and obstacles to success in life work and love. You deserve to be happy in all aspects. So this will be the LAST POST on us. I love you B.M.M/Cameron's mom/almost Furlow lol take care of yourself.

6 notes · View notes

you-cant-spell-subtext-without · 3 years

Text

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here). The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion. Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies - “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point. Sigh. Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever.

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY! But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices? What is that sexual gaze?

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell. They need the other 1/2. Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered. I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember? But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression. Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie. Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone. Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab. Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point. We are introduced to two one off characters named

Smash (human/female presenting) - can crack any safe built by man

and Grab (demon/male presenting)- expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah. Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality. Human/Demon. Femininity/Masculinity. Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it. I’m not even going there here. I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked. 90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID. They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps. Something stereotypically associated with masculinity. Not feminine. Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female. But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda. They are The Same. She shares the soda with Dean. HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing -

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode -

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay.

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders. Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn. Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push. I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push. A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ - she gives him a p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would.

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.] BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop!

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ]

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice. The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push. And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked. The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality. Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice. He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different. Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push. That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it.

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley. It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk and @deanwasalwaysbi for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

#my spn meta #spn analysis #spn 13x08 #bi!dean #destiel #deancas #hellerism #spn #supernatural #spn fandom #spn family #spn meta

132 notes · View notes

badwolf-winchester · 3 years

Text

Ancient Bloodlines

Pairing: Loki x Emy Nightstar (OC)

OC Summary: Emy is the newest Avenger. She specializes in Magic and close range attacks/ weapons. Her heritage is unknown to her as she was left at an orphanage door step when she was a young girl with only the memory of her name. She goes by her nickname Emy but has never told anyone her full name as its a reminder of her being abandoned. Emy can see through any illusion and Magic no matter how powerful they are or how strong the magic is and is unaware of this. Her powers include Telekinesis, Elemental Control, True Sight (as stated above) Enhanced healing and Shifting (she wont discover this till much later in the story). She loves to read, listen to music, play violin, sing, and draw.

Story Info: Takes place after infinity wars. Tony and Natasha are alive Steven comes back from the future after giving back the infinity stones. Vision is alive and living with Wanda in the tower. Thor and Loki live in the tower with the rest of the Avengers and for the sake of the story Himedall is alive and living with the rest of the Asgardians on earth in New Asgard (you will find out why later)

One last thing: Please do not repost my work on any other site or social media, however reblogging on here is fine. I work hard on all of my fanfics and it’s disappointing when people take my work as their own. I am the creater of all my OCs such as Sora Nightstar, Emy Nightstar, and Lithium Nightstar. My inbox is open for any and all requests as i am a multi fandom writer. Let me know how you like the story and i will do my best to answer any and all questions. As always i encourage any and all feedback as it helps with my writing. I hope you all like it!

The Beginning

They say that your parents are there to teach you the rules of the world, but what happens when you have no parents? Who will teach you then? The world is cruel but people are crueler. Ive learned this first hand when the person i trusted most in this world left me on the door step of the St. Trinity’s Orphanage. I was 9 when my mother told me she didn’t want me anymore and i guess I couldn’t really blame her. I mean who could love someone who couldn’t control the powers that grew with each passing year. Someone who started fires out of thin air when they had nightmares, conjured whirlwinds when startled, unfurled earthquakes when angered, spring forth rain showers when sad, and levitate objects when riddled with anxiety. I will never forget that day for its seared into my mind like its own person brand echoing with every beat of my heart. A monster thats what she called me, her own flesh and blood was a monster in her eyes, and i could see the relief when she ran from the solid oak door finally rid of the burden she had to put up with throughout the years. An abomination she cried as she reached the cobblestone sidewalk eager to be rid of me and by the pace she was going at i could tell she had more spring in her step than on the walk over from the bus we exited from. Unnatural she bellowed as she disappeared around the corner a ghost of a smile springing from her lips as she disappeared. These where the last words i would ever hear from my mother, if thats what you would call her.

Emy’s POV

Tonight was just like any other. Crisp cold air submerged the city in a blanket of dark and silence while it settled into your bones. I never minded the cold in fact I welcomed it, it reminded me of the cabin i found one year after running away from one of the many abusive foster homes i was forced to stay with. I’ll admit it was one of the times I was able to avoid the social workers for longer than a week and the happiest I had ever been in my life up until i was captured by Hydra. When I had a flair up with my powers, which usually ended up being fire, i would immediately get sent back to St. Trinity’s but this time i ran before they had the chance to toss me aside. The staff there used to place bets on how long i would stay with a family, they would joke saying i was cursed or jinxed but i knew the truth, no one wanted me. Once the parents found out about my abilities I was sent packing. I was labeled as a flight risk and a danger to others which only deepened my anti socialism.

Walking through the streets of New York i pull my dark purple jacket on and my dark brown hair in a pony tail as I get closer to my destination. Because i don’t feel the effects of the cold weather Tony, being such the dad figure he is, has made it his priority to make sure i still wear one just incase so here i was walking home in black ripped up jeans, a black v neck T-shirt, black and purple checkered vans and a light weight dark purple jacket. With my headphones in my ears and “I like it heavy” by Halestorm blasting I make my way to the place i call home, Stark Tower. Walking through the front doors i make my way past the receptionist who always greets me with a bright smile. As I walk towards the elevator I give her a small smile back and a head nod. After entering the elevator and pressing the button for the penthouse I start to reflect on how i got here.

By the time i was 15 Hydra found me in that cabin and took me away. I went from hopping from family to family to being used as a science experiment, constantly being poked and prodded just so they could get a reaction out of me. As a child my powers where very unstable mostly flaring up with my emotions, its no wonder that Hydra caught wind of me its not like i was hiding it very well or more so that i couldn’t hide it. They tried to wipe my memory to gain control of me “a blank slate” is what they wanted, but for some reason, they failed as I wasn’t susceptible to their conditioning methods no matter how much time i spent in the chair. However, I could tell they were scared of me I could see it in their eyes. This didn’t last long though as they used what they called their perfect weapon code name Winter Soldier to beat me into submission. After that first meeting that left me with a broken arm and a fractured ankle i started to obey, since then Ive met the Soldier a couple of times but if he remembers me he dosent let on and I dont blame him, he has been in that chair so many times Im genuinely surprised he can even remember how to walk. He is stronger than the others as most of the other test subjects had turned to vegetables after the 4th mind wipe, he was on his 10th the last time i saw him with Hydra.

Another test was done on me and this one was different. They used a teseract? If thats what they called it I can’t be sure nor did I care all I could feel was pain like as if someone injected lava in my veins. After they injected me I started screaming after a while I couldn’t even hear myself anymore, my throat was so sore and horse from the constant roar of my agony I just wanted it to end. How long was I out for? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Years? They didn’t keep clocks there or at least not in the dungeon like cell they had me in. When the fire faded i was left with this numbness and after further tests I realized that I was immune to fire. I can literally stick my hand in fire and i will be left untouched and unscorched. They did the same test with freezing temperatures to see if they could subdue me at least in some way. I must have been out longer than just a couple of days as during the tests i didn’t recognize any of the Doctors. In that moment I realized something, if they were trying to contain me then something must have happened to the soldier. It was time to plan my escape.

Back in my cell i could hear footsteps approaching me and then stop short. One of the scientists frantically trying to talk some sense into someone just out of my line of sight. “She is immune to anything we throw at her sir. We have done every test we could there is nothing left for us to do.” One of the goons in a lab coat stated to what i assumed is a higher up. “Bolden If her powers keep growing at the rate they are it could be days in which she will be unstoppable and with the soldier gone we dont have anything that can keep her in line. She broke Mandy and Rays arms the last time we tested her. She is getting too strong.” Brining a hand up to his chin the higher up Bolden stepped out of the shadows and looked at me with deep interest before he turned to looked at the man and scoffed. As he walked away i felt a cold chill ran down my back as I anticipated what was to become of me; I knew it was nothing good i had already broken their rules. His next words only confirmed what I feared. “ Its simple. Break her spirit or kill her Doctor. And when i say break her i mean in anyway means necessary.” His sadistic laugh is the last thing i remember before everything went black.

Its been 2 years since i have escaped and now I’m living in the avengers tower. I don’t remember what happened after that night in my cell its all a blur of red, screams, and gunshots. When i woke up next i was in a 6ft crater where I was being held captive without a scratch on me. Trees were uprooted and fallen over as if a bomb went off. Luckily the Avengers showed up not long after me waking up and took me to their base where i met Directer Fury. With his permission and 24/7 surveillance provided by Tony Stark via FRIDAY and training sessions to get my powers under control i was allowed to join the Avengers and fight for good. Little did i know that by agreeing to this I would end up in the path of a certain God or Gods who were also taking residence at the tower.

With the sound of a *ding* the elevator shook me out of my mind and back to the present. As i exited the elevator I pulled my head phones out of my ears and was instantly met with the sound of Tony losing his mind. “Where did she go? She knows she can’t be out this late. She could be taken again! Its 5 minutes past her curfew!” Rolling my eyes I roll my headphones up and shove them in my pocket and round the corner. “Tony it takes 5 minutes to get from the lobby to the penthouse calm down. I bet she will walk through that door anytime now.” Came the sweet voice of reason of none other than Pepper Potts. “I’m Home.” I said in a deadpan voice as i walked by the couple only for Tony to stand up and intercept me by placing a hand on my upper arm. “Where did you go and why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” I looked at him and raised an eyebrow pushing his hand off me. “Tony its Wednesday. I have training with Strange on Wednesdays and I had Friday alert you as I was leaving but you were in the lab with Bruce.” Not sure what to say next Tony mumbled a small apology. “Sorry I was just worried about you. I know you are grown enough to make your own choices as you are 25 but I just want to make sure you are safe. How was the training with The Wizard?” Sighing and shaking my head just wanting to go the library and read I decided to just let it go. “Strange is a hard ass that much you already know. It wasnt bad actually I think I’m warming up to him. I didn’t spontaneously throw him to the wall when he snuck up behind me as i was going over the ancient texts so i call that improvement.” I said sheepishly while side stepping around him. “I’m gonna go to the library now and grab some light reading before bed you guys have a good night.” With out waiting for a response I quickly made my way towards my new destination only to have Tony saying something about guests in the house but I ignored him.

Pushing open the library door I make my way to the poetry section to grab my usual copy of Edgar Allen Poe that I read before bed. As my had reached for the spot i knew i put the book in i find that its not there. “Wait what? Where is my book? I know I put it back here before I left for training so where did it go?” Frustrated I stomp back over to the entrance and rip open the door ready to go on a murder spree while shouting down the hallway. “CLINT! You better give me back my night time book or I’m breaking all your arrows again! No one reads in this tower but me! How stupid do you think I am!?” Straining my ears I listen for any type of movement but was met with dead silence. After a minute I finally hear movement through the vents coming from the west part of the tower and I take off sprinting. Sliding around a corner I barely miss colliding with Steve and Bucky who look like they were on their way back from a mission. Offering a quick apology before I continue my pursuit I hear Steve yell “Hey! No running in the tower!” Not faltering in my hot pursuit of the Hawk thief I continue to zip through the tower ignoring the Captains words until i was almost to the vent that lead to the 2 level family room. Using the railing for the steps leading down to the family area to give me more height i jumped as close to the vent as possible and conjured my signature Scythe to slice through it while twisting in the air kicking the vent free and off its track. A shocked and terrified scream resonates from the vent as the culprit falls to the ground with a thud and a grunt. I landed in a crouched position and slowly straightened to my full hight. “What the hell Emy?! When did you learn to do that?!” Clint yells as he sits up rubbing his left shoulder that he landed on. I started stalking towards him with the blade of my scythe scrapping across the ground as i went while giving him a death glare. “Give me back my book Barton.” At the mention of his last name his head snapped up to me fear replacing the pain from his fall. “Oh shit last name not good.” Scrambling up on his feet he turns and runs towards the common room that connects to the elevator with me hot on his tail and my scythe trailing behind me in my right hand.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!!” He yells as he makes it fully to the room only to fling forward as i jump and kick his back tired of all the running. Twirling my weapon around I place it at his neck sneering at him. “I will not ask you again.” I said placing pressure on his neck with my blade. Sensing a fast moving object coming from my left from the kitchen I move my head back 3 inches as what looked like a hammer flew by me embedding itself in the wall. Turning my head slowly in the direction of the flying object, I confirmed it was indeed a hammer that was thrown at me. Irritation flared through me as i released Clint from the end of my scythe and turned fully to the kitchen to face my attacker. There stood 2 men that i did not recognize, one tall oak of a man with blond short hair, blue eyes and tan skin in blue jeans, a red T-shirt ,and grey jacket. the other shorter man made me stare at him and faultier for a second as he was so different from anyone i have ever seen, dark blue skin covered his entire body with darker almost black symbols and piercing red eyes, long black hair with black jeans, a green dress shirt and black jacket. Tearing my gaze away from his own curious one i looked between both men before i clenched my jaw letting my irritation settle back in. “Which one of you threw that hammer.” I said venom dripping with every word. “Whoa its ok Emy thats just Thor and Loki they are the asgardian Gods that live here in the tower part time when they are not in Norway.” Clint said standing up quickly. Not moving from my position i narrowed my eyes and flicked them over in Clint’s direction. The ground started to shake as my irritation and annoyance grew to anger remembering what i was doing before being interrupted by the Gods. Throwing his hands up in surrender he then quickly reached into his back pocket and retrieved my book. “Ok ok dont blow a fuse Em.” He said while tossing me my possession stopping me from causing an earthquake. Catching it in the air with my left had I inspected the book to make sure it wasn’t damaged before I let go of my scythe, with a wave of my hand it disappeared back to the pocket dimension I keep it in then looked back at Clint as the tremors stopped. “Touch my things again and i will be wearing your guts like my mom’s pashmina.” I said to the thief before walking out of the room and disappeared down the hallway not giving the Gods a second glance. As I entered my room i could hear a silky voice ring out from the kitchen. “Well isnt she interesting.”

Part 2 coming soon

@nickkie1129

#loki x y/n #loki odinson #loki series #loki #loki x reader #loki x you #loki (marvel)#loki laufeyson #marvel #avengers x reader #the avengers #clint barton #tony stark #doctor strange #thor odinson #steve rogers #bucky barns #pepper potts

37 notes · View notes

thewritingstar · 4 years

Text

Falling Back to You

Pairing: Blossick (Blossom x Brick, Reds)

Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls

Soft, sweet reds because I've been feeling angsty lately and needed a breather lol. Sorry to everyone who follows me for other fandoms, I promise Ill write more for FT (you can always leave asks lol)

Tag List: @over-under-through1 @shellielyzabeth (if you want to be on my tag list, you can find the post or dm me)

I hope you enjoy. This has been sitting in my drafts for a few months and decided to just finish it lol.

---

“I’m surprised you don’t have your hat on.” A voice came from behind him. But not just any voice. The moment the first word left those lips, the hair on his neck stood up and sent a familiar chill down his back. It was a voice that he knew well, could distinguish in a crowd of a thousand voices, it was the equivalent of his favorite song or the taste of the sweetest thing to melt in your mouth.

“Blossom.” He said under his breath but her super hearing picked it up.

She thought she was prepared to see him, after all its been two years. That’s enough time to heal, right? But she prayed that he didn’t hear the small gasp that escaped her lips as he turned. That crisp dark red suit fit him like a glove and she spotted him from a mile away in that signature color. He looked good in red.

“Hi.” She managed to say smoothly as he took a step towards her.

“What are you doing here?” He asked with a reluctant tone. It was only the most important night of his life. The one where he would be promoted to the head of the department, the one he busted his ass off from the ground up. Not to mention an award for a case he worked on last year.

She shrugged and bit her lip. “My boss is here and I have to write a report for him.” Then added. “And I wasn’t going to miss the achievement you have been talking about for literal years.” She said shyly. “I promised after all.”

And she did. Back when they had dated all those years ago. Blossom was by his side as he worked from being an assistant at the law firm to one of the most promising lawyers, and now the highest ranked lawyer, but she missed the last part. Unfortunately.

He studied his ass off and she did too, both of them determined to outshine anyone in their paths, maybe that why they chose different companies. They had traded their childhood rivalry for a path of lust and love, a simple competition would not be throwing them down that path. In fact their jobs were the reason they weren’t together.

“You remembered.” He said under his breath. She heard it, of course.

She tapped her foot and looked around before giving a puzzling look. “Wheres Jasmine?” It pained her to ask.

Jasmine. Oh yes, his girlfriend who couldn’t be bothered to celebrate to most important time of his career. Or rather, ex girlfriend, As of last night where he found her with another man.

“Not my girlfriend.” He simply stated as she nodded before taking a sip of her drink.

It must have been good if she brought it to her lips. Blossom loved a good cocktail but if it was hard liquor, she required top shelf, something he admired. He was like that too and was the reason she only drank the highest quality.

“What about Tyson?”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Not my boyfriend.” She said bitterly and he didn’t know why he was happy about it. “Cheated on me for a blonde.” Her glass was on the verge of cracking before she smoothed out her dress. “Typical.”

He hummed in agreement. There was a feeling of anger running through him as he thought about any man hurting Blossom, sure he hurt her too but nothing like that. No their fight was different, it was a fight about whats best for both of them.

They had just under an hour before the cermony started. He didn’t want to bother being inside socailzing with a bunch of random people and he had a feeling she didn’t either. The wide open hallway was becoming stuffy and he could see a trio of men walking their way and knew Blossom would become the talking point.

Before Brick could turn them the other way, the men were already there.

“Brick.” The tall one spat.

“Landon.” Brick matched his tone. What a dumb name he thought.

Landon turned and did not bother to hide the fact that he was checking out Blossom. Of course he was. Even in her simple black cocktail dress that screamed sophistication, she was a walking dream.

“And you are?” He gave her a smirk that could charm anyone, expcet for Blossom of course.

Brick was pracitcally smiling as Blossom shook his hand. He knew she wouldn’t take his bait.

“Blossom Utonium. Head of corrupt affairs at Duchess Law.” She started with what Brick likes to call her “Miss Business voice”.

Landon smirked. “Duchess Law? Someones a smart cookie.” He winked.

The other men behind him agreed and Blossom held her tounge. She hated being patronized or looked down on. He should be thanking the lucky stars that he’s even in her presence.

Brick could tell she was annoyed and wrapped his arm around her waist before looking at Landon. “She makes more money than all three of you combine and actally can win a case so show some repect.” He spat and he turned them around towards the back doors that led to the garden space.

The feeling of having his arm around her sent a spark through her body. At first it felt foreign but the memories came rolling in waves as they walked.

“I could handle myself.” She stated and he hid his laugh.

“I know, but you won’t because of your repuation. I for one don’t care about mine that much.”

“Or maybe its because you still care.” She teased as she sat on the stone bench with him.

He was about to response but his phone began to ring. He wanted to ignore it but Blossom probably would say something about it.

“Its Butch.” He said before trying to put it back into his pocket.

“You should anwser it. I’m sure he’s wanting to wish his brother well.”

He huffed and anwsered on the final ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey quick question. Do you think that I would win in a fight against Thanos?”

Brick only shook his head.

“Butch.”

“Its serious cause Buttercup doesn’t think so but I could take him for sure.”

Blossom was holding a hand to her mouth as the guy kept going on about the stupid question.

“Oh shit dude, tonights your night!”

“Yes it is now Imma hang up now.”

“Brick be nice.”

“Wait a minute bro. Is that Miss Blossom with you?”

“Yes because shes the only one who bothered to care.”

“Hey you’re the one who said not to come. Anyways tell her I said hi and that you two should totally get back together because you kept going on and on about how you missed her and leaving her was the worst choice you made-” The line cut dead and the phone was shoved in his pocket.

“Hes stupid.” He mumbled and Blossom drank the rest of her drink.

“Hes not wrong.”

He turned towards her and gazed silently. She was just as he remembered. Gorgeous and graceful and even without a word spoken, she could command a room. He admired her greatly and she felt the same.

“Brick, can we just skip all of it?” She asked softly.

“I’ve kinda been looking forward to my award.”

“No, not this.” She gestured to the building. “But this.” She pointed between them.

“Skip what?”

“Oh I don’t know, the drama of it all? Because if we don’t confess now we are going to waste so much time running after each other and I-I dont want to waste time.” She looked down at her shoes. A sad sigh leaving her lips. “I just miss you.”

The confession surprised him. They were both forward people who never beat around the bush but when it came to their feelings between them, they had always been shy. Boomer and Bubbles were easy to confess and even Butch and Buttercup seemed to have it together but for them, it felt impossible sometimes.

No matter where he turned, she was there. They had always crossed paths like star-crossed lovers and it was as if the universe was constantly pulling them together and they had tried. They really did.

Perhaps the timing wasn’t enough or their pride had stood in the way. they never meant to fall apart the way they did but when the other side of the bed was empty, those walls they held up became transparent and it only took a mere few seconds to see what they had lost.

But he understood what she meant. They both knew that if anything were to happen between them tonight it would start a snowball effect that everyone was tired of seeing. Over and over they would fall in line and build each other up before something came between them and pulled them apart.

He wanted to get past all the hurdles of playing cat and mouse until on of them caved and said their feelings. But her saying she missed him wasn’t her caving, she was just tired and so was he.

They had been young when they had fallen in love. The rules of life tossing them into a sea of doubt but now they were adults who knew the game and could easily avoid anything in their paths, except each other.

His hand slid over hers. “I missed you too.”

She smiled softly before her hand rested on his cheek. “I’m really proud of you Brick, you’ve come along way.”

“I’m just happy you got to see it.” He whispered before his lips touched hers with a fire they both had missed.

A swirl of fire and ice that only they knew. No matter how much life decided to pull them apart or change the course, he would always find himself coming back to her.

The kiss didn’t last as long as he would have liked but seeing the faint blush on her cheeks made it all worth it.

“What are you doing later?” He asked as he helped her up from the bench.

“I was going to get take out and sit in my hotel room watching movies.”

Brick leaned over to fix the bow in her hair, taking the time to have her close. “I don’t suppose you would accept any company?” He winked before kissing the back of her hand and handing her the red purse.

“I think I can make an exception.” She winked and he had never thought she had looked more stunning.

She took his hand, their palms resting naturally together, before walking back to the ceremony, where he would leave with not only his award but the woman he had loved for years and years.

was the ending lazy? yes. do I care, only a little bit. Lol. I’ve had a really off day so I hope this is good.

Hope you enjoyed :)

#blossick #blossom x brick #reds ppg #ppg x rrb #ppg fanfic #blossick fanfic #thewritingstar

117 notes · View notes

wonderland-in-bloom · 4 years

Text

everything will be alright

[malleus draconia x reader]

a♕ asked: hey me, can you write just a short, yet floofy fic of the reader having a bad day or just feeling down and malleus being sweet and comforting her? thanks boo <3

sure thing me! lol this is basically a self insert for myself, the author. idk im kinda feeling tired and down today lols. lots of tears were shed (even if it’s just over something very minor lmao) but i just wanted to write something for myself to make myself feel a tad bit better.

hope you guys can enjoy too of course <3

♡

YOU sighed after having a long, tiring day just filled with things that you wished you’d just forget. you plopped down on your bed and buried your head in a pillow. it hurt you. physically and mentally. you just wished this day ended but it just continued to drag, on, and on, and on. you opened your eyes in reaction to a knock at your door. “(y/n)...darling...are you there?” it was the familiar voice of your adoring significant other. you muttered a ‘yes’ and as expected, he heard and came inside your room.

“is everything alright?” he sat down next to you as you now laid on your back. “yes..?” you looked up at him with a fake smile only to be met with a look of disappointment. “don’t lie to me, (y/n). you’re a terrible liar.” he shot while crossing his arms. “alright fine. it’s just...i don’t know actually. today’s been really weird for me. i just feel...empty? tired? sad? i’m actually not sure.” you felt a soft, ungloved hand placed on your forehead. malleus’s thumb began stroking your temple, and honestly it was one of the best things ever to be felt at that moment because of the excruciating, painful headache you had. “you’re just...unsure?” you nodded but felt a lump forming in the back of your throat. you felt tears prick the corner of your eyes and you did your best to wipe them before he could notice. “mhm. i don’t even know anymore malleus.”

“i just think about something and it just leads me to think about another thing. i’m basically just overthinking. and it annoys me so damn much..!” you groaned as you felt the tears stream down your face. from small whimpers to heavy sobs, you just released all of your pent up emotions for the whole day. because honestly, it physically hurt to be keeping everything inside. “i’m here for you darling. there, there.” he scooped you up and held you in his hands. you rested your head against his chest and just cried for the next few minutes. meanwhile, malleus was just stroking your hair and kissed the top of your head. “everything will be alright sweetheart.” you laughed in the midst of all your pain. “i’m sorry if i got your uniform wet.” this made him smile a little bit and wiped the tears from your cheeks. “it’s alright. just do whatever you need to do.” honestly you were so thankful he was just so caring and thoughtful of you.

“dear...” you started. “how do you manage to keep all your feelings in? you know, i know you feel a lot of things and there are lots of situations which can make you feel different things, but i don’t know how you manage to not express them. ” he looked at you before gently cupping both your hands in his. “darling. you’re a human. humans tend to get so vulnerable with their emotions and just let it take over them. especially you. you have a heart of pure gold and i’m not surprised if emotions take over you so easily. i on the other hand...well, some people said i have a heart of stone, or no heart at all. does that answer your question?” you pouted and hugged him. “what do you mean no heart?! of course my malleus has a heart, after all, what would he use to give me all of his overwhelming love?” you smiled into the hug. he chuckled. what you said was so cheesy but honestly you meant all of what you said. he cupped your cheeks and brought your face to his level so your eyes could directly meet his.

“now stop thinking, okay? you’re tired, aren’t you? i just want you to clear your thoughts and relax.” with a snap of his fingers, you’re both in your pajamas. a true gentleman and an excellent magic wielder. “what if i just fill my head with thoughts of how much i love you?” you smiled and laid your head against his chest once more. he wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on top of your head. “hmm...maybe that’ll be alright.” malleus hummed a little tune which sounded like a lullaby to you, but it was so comforting that you didn’t mind. malleus’s small gestures and love just made all of those bad feelings and bad events float away, never to be seen again. he started singing as you drifted off to sleep, but his gentle, soft voice could be heard singing words which were so dear to both of your hearts.

“now for the sake of protecting you, i must be strong. to me in the shadow of sorrows, you sang joy to me. and now, the light shines, i know love, you are my dream.”

♡

alright that was just a little drabble to satisfy myself eheh. it’s not good to keep in emotions guys, it’s good to let it out. a♕ is super duper sensitive today, so i wish malleus would just poof out of nowhere and hug me and tell me everything will be okay. i really needed this small drabble type thing lol. i love my bby malleus. i’ll be continuing writing all of the requests tomorrow! i’ll just be here either sleeping or crying or both :))

- a♕

282 notes · View notes

yourfriendslimey · 4 years

Text

You Should Sleep Somewhere Else...

Paring: Im Jaebeom x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst

TW: Cheating; swearing;

@beomsbabe

Hello! Could you create an imagine where JB has a wife and a one year old but he’s acting strange and distant from them for some reason (you can pick a reason). If you could create a story out of that little description that would be awesome! Thank you !!

hi luv! sorry this took ages tpo get done! I kept getting majorly stuck while writing this out. It’s a bit sad but I hope you enjoy the read anyway! thanks for your request!

A soft breeze flowed through the cracked living room windows, leading the thin white curtains in a slow waltz. Warm light from the table lamps graced the space with a cozy golden glow which made you feel all the sleepier. Your weary bones sunk heavily into the couch; As you ran your hands down your face, a hefty sigh escaped your mouth. Your head fell back and for just a moment you let your eyes shut, relishing in your first break all day. You didn’t know how late it was, but the sun was long gone. You hadn’t even noticed the long day transition to night.

Today you ran what felt like and endless number of errands. On top of that, your usual sitter canceled, leaving you to juggle running through the shopping district with your baby daughter, Anastasia, who seemed much needier than usual. Her energy was up, meaning you barely even got to sit down. You made every attempt to tire her out: playing, reading, going for walk after walk. It wasn’t until after a large meal and almost half an hour of rocking and soft humming that she fell fast asleep. Of course, you loved her dearly. More than anything or anyone in the world. But caring for a one year old took so much out of you every day and it didn’t help that you were practically doing it alone.

You weren’t single. Quite the opposite. But lately your usually loving husband, Jaebeom, had grown cold and distant from you both and you couldn’t pinpoint why. You’d tried time and time again to get him to open up to you, but had no success, only garnering a dismissive “Everything’s fine baby, I swear.” But you knew deep down everything was most certainly not fine. The two of you hadn’t had a date night, eaten together, cuddled, or been intimate in weeks and it was starting to weigh on you. It wasn’t like Jaebeom to be so cold. A few months ago, you could barely spend time away from each other. But then he began spending later nights in the studio, or staying out at bars until the early hours of morning, barely acknowledging you when he eventually came home.

You stared at the clock on the wall, focusing in on its soft ticking. It was nearly 10 p.m. and you wondered how late he would be this time. It had almost become routine. Each night, no earlier than 12 am, he would stagger in half asleep or marinated in liquor. He would make a futile attempt to shut the front door quietly, you would spend the next twenty or so minutes watching your bedroom doorway, wondering if he would crawl into bed with you or simply collapse on the couch. Eventually you would settle back into the half empty space and wallow in disappointment. By the time you were up in the morning, he was already heading back out the door without so much as an I love you.

You fiddled with your wedding ring and felt tears form in your eyes. What happened to us…? You thought, the tears traveling down your cheeks and falling to your lap. Your heart ached thinking that maybe Jaebeom just didn’t love you anymore; that your marriage was crumbling; that the love you both used to cherish and nurture was left to shrivel.

You were snatched from your fog at the sound of the front door creaking open softly. Your eyes darted in its direction with surprise and for a moment your heart skipped. Jaebeom slipped through the door earlier than usual, shutting it behind him. Quickly, you wiped the tears from your face letting your features turn to stone. When he turned to see you staring, he paused, his mouth opening a bit to say something, but you cut him off. “Wow, you’re home early. And you’re sober?” you feigned surprise, hissing the final words. You looked your husband up and down, your attitude was obvious, the words acid flowing from your tongue. Jaebeom’s face began turning a light pink and you couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment, shame, or anger. You didn’t care rehardless. At the very least his body was responding. At the very least he was feeling something. You waited for what felt like minutes for him to say something, anything. But yet again, you were left hanging.

You scoffed, standing and heading to your shared room. You knew if you stayed around him any longer, you’d break down completely. “Wait,” his voice froze you in place. The air bolted from your lungs as your body began to shake. The wall you’d built around you began to crack. The earlier tears returned; this time much heavier. A sudden pain - an ache - reverberated in your chest. “Please…,” Jaebeom placed a strong hand on your shoulder. “Can we talk?” His voice was gentle, a hint of fear hiding somewhere within. With furrowed brows you turned to face him.

Now getting a closer look, you could see that he had been crying. His eyes were red and swollen, exhaustion hanging from them. Your own softened at the sight. You were so upset with him; so hurt; and even still, the sight of your love in pain melted your cold shell even more.

But you couldn’t just let it go. With a quick nod you folded your arms tightly and huffed. Shifting your weight to your right foot and jamming your tongue in your cheek you growled, “Fine. Talk. I’m listening.”. Jaebeom fiddled with his fingers, his eyes focused on the ground. He took a deep breath and met your gaze. “I did something I shouldn’t have. And I need to come clean.” Your face began to drop.

“I cheated on you, y/n… But I swear it was just one time and the biggest mistake of my life.” he rushed the words, almost as if saying them faster would make it hurt less. It didn’t. The admission hit you like a wrecking ball. You stood stiff; eyes wide. Had the floor collapsed from below your feet? Had the air grown thicker? Why couldn’t you breathe? The room was warm, and yet you were shivering more than you ever had.

“Please forgive me. I swear it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.” Jaebeom reached out to you, but you knocked his hand away, shaking your head rapidly. You looked away and held up a stiff hand. Ever fiber of your being was screaming. You wanted to shut him out. Throw his shit out into the yard and slam the door in his face. But you had to know more.

“Explain.”

“It was about a month ago…when we finally finished shooting our newest video…and to celebrate we all went to a club.” You nodded, remembering that night. He had called you, letting you know filming wrapped and he was going to a nearby club with the boys. But you never suspected… your thoughts were cut off as he kept going.

“I was at the bar and some girl sat next to me. I-i don’t even remember what she looked like,” his voice grew shakier, “We just talked and drank for a while at first; I passed the time and that was it. wasn’t thinking. I had more than I should have. I was just so wrapped up in the excitement that I went way passed my own limit. She started getting a bit flirty. And in that moment, I flirted back. We uh… we ended up kissing and…we decided to take a walk outside…” he paused, tears sprouting from his eyes. Don’t say it… you screamed in your head, biting your bottom lip hard to numb your pained heart. “Fuck, y/n. We had sex…in the back of her car. I wanted to tell you when it happened, but I just couldn’t face you.”

You watched as he broke down in front of you, a puddle of shame and betrayal. But you felt no pity. Your heart was on fire and your head became a clouded mess. You stared into him; your distress ever present. “So th-that’s why you’ve been avoiding me?” your voice grew louder the more you spoke, “Because you couldn’t fucking keep it in your pants? You decided the best course of action was to ignore you goddamn wife?” the more words that escaped, the angrier you became. You had never raised your voice at Jaebeom before. But but the plug had been pulled; you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to. “For weeks I have done nothing but worry about you. About us. Trekking through daily life acting as if everything was normal feeling completely alone. Thinking I fucked up, that I did something to cause the distance. Crying myself to sleep wondering if you still loved me,” you were shouting now; weeks of pain and tension bleeding out. “Do you have any clue what I went through? I have slept alone. Cried alone. Cared for Anna alone. You might as well have just left!”

Through the wall, you could hear Anna stirring from her sleep. All your screaming must have woken her up. Your eyes burned into Jaebeom, full of rage. This man who was once your beloved husband, had instantly become a stranger to you. You pushed past him, making your way into Anna’s room.

You tiptoed to the crib, lifting your daughter and holding her close. You lightly bounced her in your arms, shushing her to calm her down. Your husband stood in the doorway, eyes pleading, but you couldn’t stand to look at him anymore.

In a cool and steady voice, you sighed, “I think you should sleep somewhere else tonight….”

“Baby please, we can work through this,” Jaebeom took a step toward you, but the molten look you gave was enough to push him back.

You turned your gaze back to your baby girl, “I’m tired. I want to sleep. And I want you out in the next half hour.”

And with that, Jaebeom slid out of the room and not much later was he headed back out the door

60 notes · View notes

theimprobabledreamersworld · 3 years

Link

Yayy! Despite trying to fight off a monster of a cold, I’ve got a new chapter written! :D

As I mentioned yesterday, this one is written from Logan’s POV because I’ve been wanting to create a back story for him in this story :)

I’ll post the chapter under a line on here, but please check it out on Ao3 too! I love reading comments and stuff to find out what people think :)

Hope you like it!

Taglist: @psychedelicships @edupunkn00b @jwillowwolf @kacklingisanart @look-ma-im-on-tv @stardustlv @lost-in-thought-20

Chapter 5. My Heart Was Made Of Stone. And You Broke It Twice.

“But the wind has changed. My walls are weakening. They’re gonna fall soon. And I’m gonna need you.”

Logan was a man who always kept his emotions in check. He never let himself get too consumed by any kind of feeling. Happiness, sadness, love, hate, anger… Ever since he was sixteen, he refused to be vulnerable ever again. If you’re vulnerable, you can be broken. He had been broken far too many times when he was growing up.

His parents were agreeable, he couldn’t deny that… but he was never enough for them. Even as a young child, nothing was quite good enough. He remembered when the class teacher told his parents that he was the first child to learn how to write his name… he stretched up to show them and they let the paper flutter to the floor saying it wasn’t neat enough. He was only four! It got worse as he got older. Every time he was proud of something he had achieved, like getting a high grade, he was always asked why it wasn’t full marks. The unattainable goals were never reached and it took a lot to even vaguely satisfy them. He worked himself into the ground for the entirety of his school life, it affected his health, but they still weren’t happy. He was never strong enough, creative enough, serious enough, smart enough… and it hurt so much to know that. His friends however were amazing, they would always encourage him and make him take breaks when they knew he was working way too hard. They could always cheer him up and he was eternally grateful for that. Logan clenched his fists… he hated how much it knocked him down when he would walk in smiling over something that happened at school, to be told they weren’t interested and to just go and study. He always set himself up for the fall almost every day… no wonder emotions became such a hinderance. Luckily, music was his salvation for about eight years.

Logan took his head out of his hands, readjusted his eyes to the light and felt how raw they were from crying before staring at the dusty piano in the house intently. He used to be pretty good at playing. He loved his classical music, and still does. Just not playing it anymore. When he still had lessons, he was always thrilled with the challenge of increasingly difficult pieces given to him by his teacher. It was funny, his music teacher was the only person who ever truly believed in him. He was also the one person who could convince Logan to perform. The last concert he ever played in was the day before his sixteenth birthday, he played his most difficult piece to date… Chopin’s Fantasie Impromptu Op 66. They decided on that because it was originally a piece that no one was ever supposed to hear, Chopin never wanted it to be released after he died… but they did it anyway. His teacher said that he could then perform it however he wanted to, artistic interpretation and all that. He practiced and practiced at school so his parents wouldn’t hear it before. When it got to the concert, and his parents actually turned up, he was genuinely surprised. He walked out on the stage and sat down looking for his teacher who gave him a smile and a thumbs up, then the music began. He felt almost like he was watching himself play, he had never played with such determination before and as the final note rung out… there was silence. Before the room broke out into applause, his teacher was standing up clapping vigorously, then some of his classmates and other parents stood up too. His parents however were sat down, clapping politely with a neutral expression on their faces and Logan’s smile faltered. He gave a quick bow and walked quickly off the stage. His teacher followed him and gave him a hug while telling him how proud he was. Logan couldn’t stop the tears, he had never cried in front of another person, but no one had ever been proud of him before either. How embarrassing. The first time he had been shown positive interest by someone he respected, and he cried until the top of their shirt was damp with his tears. His teacher just held him and told him everything was okay. After he had calmed down and the tears had stopped, he went to go and join his parents for the second half of the concert, but their seats were empty.

In that moment, he didn’t get upset again and stayed unusually calm, and he knew that this was the final straw. He stayed at a hotel for the night at the insistence of his teacher, that way he could sort out his head and start looking up different apartment options. Which he did realise could be tricky as a sixteen-year-old… but he was smart, reliable, didn’t drink or smoke and had a substantial amount of money at his disposal. He waited until the morning and snuck back into his parent’s house to collect all of the things that he deemed necessary. Thankfully, the hotel manager was understanding and let him stay for the bare minimum price until he could find an apartment for himself. It took a few months, and the landlord had to be persuaded by his music teacher, but he found an apartment which was close to everything he needed and was affordable. One day, he would repay that teacher back for everything he had done for him.

He looked at the calendar, the picture of him and Virgil smiling and holding up their wedding ring hands was taunting him on the wall. He noticed the date. Wow, it had been ten years since he left without looking back, and he never heard a single word from them.

That was clearly for the best.

Ever since then, he never let emotions get the better of him ever again. However, as he looked around at the decimated living room, he had clearly broken and let all of those emotions consume him once again. Logan inspected the damage, as he traced the hole in the wall, the shattered photo frames and glass covering the floor, it caused his heart to fill up with regret. His heart was already full of pain, the regret was enough to make his heart quite literally tear in two. Virgil was the first person he felt like he could be vulnerable with again. When they first met, there was something about him, something that reminded him of himself. Maybe this guy was just as broken as he was, as he saw him hiding in the corner of the coffee shop trying to stay away from the world. He told Virgil this many times, but he had encased his heart in stone to keep it safe. As their relationship developed, as stupid as it sounds, he could feel the stone wall cracking and breaking off piece by piece, and he honestly didn’t mind in the slightest.

Now, he didn’t know what was going on with his heart. He was hurt, he was angry. It’s not every day you find out that the man you’ve been married to for the last five years spent most of his life as a well-trained and dangerous assassin. Going by Virgil’s words alone, the body count to his name is staggering and who knows how many people he’s hurt over the years. The argument they had earlier in the evening was playing on repeat in his mind.

“I couldn’t tell you!” Virgil shouted across the room.

“Why the hell not?! I’m your fucking HUSBAND Virgil, you are supposed to trust me. No matter what’s happened in your past!” Logan rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Okay, you want to know why I hid everything from you? I did it to PROTECT you! My past is something that can be used against me, it is still being used against me. If anyone from it came after you… I would never be able to forgive myself!” The tears wouldn’t stop rolling down Virgil’s face as he spluttered out the words while his body shook with sobs.

Despite the hurt of seeing Virgil in so much pain, Logan couldn’t contain his anger. “What makes you decide if I need protecting? I can handle myself, ever since I was sixteen I’ve been on my own… You know that!”

Virgil sighed, like he was debating whether or not to say his next sentence.

“Remember when we met all those years ago? You told me about how you were attacked and how scared you were after it? Well… it was me. I was the guy who saved you. Every day since that moment, I vowed that I would protect you no matter the cost. Then I fell in love with you along the way, and I’ll love you until the end of time. If you want to know the truth about me, I know he gave you something. Look at it, and I won’t blame you if you try to turn me in to the police afterwards. I have to go now though, otherwise you will get hurt… I’m sorry, Lo.” Logan was left dumbfounded, and Virgil ran out of the front door, slipping away into the night.

There had been so many lies and too many secrets. He remembered that USB stick he threw in a drawer months ago. He opened it up and stared at the blue object, the label that read ‘Virgil… ?’ taunted him mercilessly. He looked over at his open laptop that was spared from his destructive anger, should he look at it?

Logan shook that thought away instantly, he needed to clear up first before making any kind of decision. He crouched down on the floor and started to sweep the glass over towards the sofa with his hand, just so he could clean it properly soon. He got to the first photograph, him and Virgil sitting in a restaurant holding hands and smiling at the camera. That picture was taken by Thomas and Nico, their two closest friends… He thought he should text them and see if they could come over. Virgil left half an hour ago, and he already felt too alone.

He’d contact them later, but for now. He wanted to stare at photographs and revel in his memories.

#fanfiction #ao3 #My story #ts fanfic #ts fandom #au #ts logan #ts virgil #assassin au #new chapter

5 notes · View notes

starryace · 5 years

Text

my personal introduction to vav

so i have a few friends who’ve been wanting to get into vav but dunno where to start so... i’ll just do this lil thing. obviously there’s gonna be my own opinions so don’t take everything i say to heart but like... here we go

vav (very awesome voice -- pronounced vee-ay-vee but i say vav bc im lazy) debuted in 2015, but when they debuted they had a different lineup. zehan, xiao, and gyeoul all left to pursue other activities. ziu, lou, and ayno joined the group in 2017! the fandom is called vampz because of the groups original concept but we don’t talk about that

* = pre-line up switch! | ** = without jacob (due to his participation in a chinese program)

more about the members under the cut!

st van (lee geumhyuk)

note: during updating i ended up having to redo this entire section bc my computer deleted it all... sigh.

everyone’s dad

kinda gives off party vibes, like a cool club dad, you know?

super duper soft :(( he laughs at everything and he loves gentle things and he may be the oldest but he’s babie

gets really embarrassed really easily and blushes and laughs it off

oh! he also laughs with like... his entire body ekhrbgj

tattoos! on his shoulder and right arm

full sleeve completed

self composed the track “im sorry” off of the thrilla killa album

he lived in china for 13+ years and can speak fluent (if not, almost fluent) chinese

he’s super good cook and he wanted to be a chef before becoming an idol

loves jacob :(( with all his heart

weird but he can drink a lot of water really quickly, that’s his special talent

got a dog with the group! her name is cash and she’s super cute

im sure there’s more but i got mad after my computer deleted everything so i’ll get back to updating this part when things dawn on me

baron (choi chunghyeop)

dancer extraordinaire! he actually used to be in a dance team before vav

smiley boy ;;;; literally he has the prettiest smile and the nicest teeth

he can play the piano and a lil guitar im p sure!

he’s honestly a lil shit but we love him anyway

he’s very mom like, and loves taking care of the members, but i spy with my lil eye someone a lil more mom-like but that comes later

he choreographed a cover of shape of you!

unfortunately, his mom passed away early this year (may she rest in peace).

his nickname is baby prince (from his mom) and it was because of his mom that he was able to become and idol

baron singing??? yes,,, yeS!! his voice is godsent istg

he loves loves loves music and dance

wont shut up about millennium dance studio

was the pizza delivery boy in minx’s why did you come to my home

has a very intensive skin care routine

he!! loves!! food!! constantly nomming

ace (jang wooyoung)

remember how i said how i thought there was someone more mom like? meet ace.

literally babies everyone

eSPECIALLY ayno + ziu (sometimes lou, when lou will let him)

sassy, diva, can also be a lil shit -- esp with baron... 92 line is just lil shit line

lil fucking tease, too--

he has an oral fixation-- licks his lips a lot no bueno for me

teal hair? god tier. senorita? also god tier. everything about him? god tier.

plays the guitar... see senorita

“you’re doing wonderful sweetie” but like... a living version of that

abs... abs for days..........

works out with jacob

dimples!! but it’s more prominent on the right cheek.

god he’s??? literally ethereal. like i can’t put into words how pretty he is

he ;;;; has the purest, most sweetest heart

they need to start letting ace have more lines bc omg his voice ;;;;;

really good with kids ;;;;; they love him

he’s a BIG flirt, it’s like when he opens his mouth the only thing he thinks to do is say “i love you” or “you’re mine” or smthn

Prince Wooyoung™

ayno (noh yoonho)

was on no.mercy -- still kinda keeps in contact with monsta x now (hims was lil babie minhyuk)

yknow how baron is dancer? so is ayno -- aYNO IS GOD TIER DANCER ok he ;;;;; ugh he’s literally so talented

he raps too! also god tier

hims a soundcloud rapper -- dropped zero coke (mixtape) and god that boy is talented

self composed their song touch you (aka one of my fave vav songs)

ace’s baby... really, he’s vav’s baby, but still

fake maknae to the max. it still baffles me that he’s older than the others ima list

hims also pretty shy, but it’s real cute ;;;;

lou has such a big fat crush on him and he’s always embarrassed by it

he zones out a lot and is very mellow & quiet until something inside him switches and then he’s like BAM loud and crackhead

ziu.... brings out... the crackhead in him lbr

former happyface ent trainee w/ ziu

puppy!

also really good with kids!! prolly bc he is a big kid himself erhbjeg

often writes his own raps for songs

jacob (zhang peng)

resting bitch face to the max

800% done with everyone’s shit

chinese member!

he was performing in a chinese show called all for one -- his team got eliminated (sad) but that means he’ll be returning to the group (happy!)

that’s why he wasn’t in so in love/thrilla killa/im sorry

hims loves his st van

he also eats... a lot.

ok but like... he works out with ace, right? boy has such chiseled and nicely defined abs, it pains me

he’s a happy lil sunshine boy

savage as fuck

his smile literally adds 5 years to your lifespan

all of the members miss him so much ;;;; its honestly super wholesome and every once in a while they’ll be like “omg cobi would love this” or “jacob....... we miss you”

but then you have shithead lou being like “i mean... its nice having the room to myself” wrehbjehg

he dance too! idk what type of dancing it is but he does it!!!

he was in the chinese movie “the dreamer on the catwalk”

BRING HIM BACK ATEAM PLS I MISS HIMS

HE HAS RETURNED AND HE’S STRONGER THAN EVER

lou (kim hosung)

my #1, my one and only, my precious sweetheart

tall as fUCK

has a deep ass motherfucking voice

grew up in georgia as a kid (can speak fluent english) and then the philippines when he was a teen!

kinda the more quiet & reserved member

but dont let that fool you......

he too is a lil shit

AND A CHAOTIC GAY -- ziu bothers him a lot but he has a big ol’ crush on ayno and he never shuts up about how pretty he is and how much he loves him

he can be a grouchy lil bitch too tho hkerbjeg

in this interview baron and st van were being cute and he’s just in the corner like “youuuu shouuuld daaaate” -- gay. in the same interview thats one instance where he wouldn’t shut up about ayno

hims a rapper too!! he often writes his own raps for songs (much like ayno)

his own mixtape (goodnight) literally is so nice i listen to it all the time

he has a vlive thing he does called lou-dio and it’s real cute

big ears = the cutest thing ever ehkrbgjeh

he collects a bunch of stuff!! like pop figures and toys, like souvenirs from everywhere they go

he was in the youtube webdrama “lemon car video” (eps 1, 3, 7, and 8)

his stage name is lou (pronounced “low” but i refuse to say that) because his voice is so low

ziu (park heejun)

chaotic. just chaotic. chaotic gay, chaotic maknae, chaotic man.

he’s the real maknae tho... doesn’t look it, huh?

manly af

literally so charismatic and funny as hell

wants kisses + love + attention from everyone

goes in for a kiss -- everyone else usually backs away but he’s always disappointed that no one gives into him

kisses kisses kisses

did i mention kisses?

he makes a lot of random ass noises all the time

screm... lots of screm. like you know opossums?? think that kinda screm.

his vocals ;;;;; his singing voice is so, so nice ;;; i adore it.

his room is dirty af i could NEVER

he does some really questionable things sometimes... see here.

like i said, i cannot express this enough... he’s so charismatic. so charming. so handsome.

also!! super hyper fluff ball. hims cute.

aegyo up the wazoo too

former happyface ent trainee with ayno

was in the fri.sat.sun teasers by dalshabet

can get p loud & annoying but that doesnt change how much we love him

idk if any of that made sense... but there you go! there’s so much more to vav and everything they do and who they are, so i hope this just kinda gets more people to look into them? it’s a stepping stone, not everything possible to learn.

+ keep in mind, a lot of this stuff comes from both kprofiles, what i’ve seen in videos, and my own personal opinions & inputs. so... yeah. don’t use what i say as truth/fact unless you see stuff to back it up (or you adopt it as your own opinion idk).

thank you for taking your time to read this!!

#vav #*intro #god what do i even tag all of this #idk #n e ways!!!#lmk what you think #also im not 100% well versed with vav #im kinda a newer stan #but i also did a ton of research #and they're like my 2nd/3rd ults now idek

81 notes · View notes

fairycosmos · 5 years

Note

whats up i am The Literal Ugliest girl i have ever seen im not even being sarcastic i am so fucking disgusting it makes me sick i hate my disgusting full of acne skin, my ugly nose, my nonexistent lips and my fat short body. i want to kill myself SO MUCH but im scared my parents will be sad. do you think they’ll get over it and i should just do it bc nothing is changing and ive been waiting for years for a change and now im 22 and im fucking tired i cant fucking breathe

hey, it's okay. listen, i'm really sorry you're in such a negative place right now and i can't imagine how hard it must be. like i can absolutely relate and i totally understand where you're coming from, but your pain is your own and i won't infringe on it. that being said, of course your parents won't just 'get over' something like that. the trouble with self destructive tendencies is that your brain will do anything to make them seem plausible. it will engage you in emotional, black and white thinking - it'll force you to believe there's no other options, it'll use your insecurities against you to the highest degree in order to blow them out of proportion and make you feel bad. your self hatred is spinning a false narrative about you. i know you know about the subjectivity of beauty, the pressure we're all under to reach impossible standards, the way they sell us these made up ideas about attractiveness because that's what makes money. you can be aware of all of that and still hate the way you look, but recognizing that there is truly no wrong way to have a physical form (regardless of your low self confidence) can really make a difference. clearly this runs deeper than your appearance, i get that. but you must understand that your conditioned mind is not reliable. ugliness is a) an inevitably for everyone since our purpose isn't constant prettiness, b) not set in stone, not defined as 'one thing', and c) not a reason to take your own life. i understand that as a woman everything seems to hinge on that, but you can find comfort and happiness regardless. others don't see you the way you see yourself, and your self perception is all messed up by your biased mindset anyway. it's something a lot of people struggle with, but there IS a balance to be found. i know it's hard, i know. but experiencing this world and trying to appreciate who you are is a million times more rewarding than punishing yourself for something so uncontrollable and insignificant and inconsistent in it's validity. youre not a walking advirtisment, your body doesn't exist to fill a quota. and that can be really difficult to accept but. it's just true, it always comes back to that fact.

you're clearly in a very intense and emotional state of mind right now, and i really don't blame you. when you're sad and dealing with mental issues and you feel like there's literally no way forward, the entire world feels like the enemy. but i'd really really urge you to take a look at your thinking patterns when you're able to, in order to realize how irrational and untrue they are. harming yourself is not the correct response to not liking your reflection. instead consider outside factors, whats influencing your opinions, what you can do to make yourself feel a little more stable in the moment (cry, write, talk to a family member or friend, take a walk.) take a breath, and be sure to remain in a physically safe environment for now. that's good enough, i promise. you're doing so much better than you think you are, just by getting through the moment. you have copious amounts of worth beyond the way you look. you were born with it and it'll never go away. you have so much to offer and to see and you should not allow the unnecessary guilt to take all of that away from you. a whole future is worth so much more than you realize. i know 5 more minutes with this feeling doesn't feel worth ten years without it. but i'm honestly telling you that there are so so so many ways to grow beyond this mindset and none of them involve hurting yourself. you don't have to do anything. you're in control, not your sadness, not your temporary feelings.

you sent this anon for a reason, and i'm unbelievably glad you did. it shows you have the ability to reach out, even if it's through an unconventional platform. so if you want to know what i really believe would be good for you, then hear me out. you need to talk to your parents and you need to look at your options in regards to seeing a professional about this. whether it's through a doctor, a counselor, a support group, a hotline. anything, there is so much available. please please please do not let the self destructive part of you write the idea off as if it's nothing. because your brain will try every trick in the book to make you think it's pointless but trying is never fruitless, not in this regard. you don't have to go into great detail, but i think it could be a real relief if you just sat your parents down and told them that you're having a really hard time, you don't know what to do, and you think you need some extra support. it is completely and utterly natural to be scared, to not want to do it. vulnerability is like that. but it's a much better form of fear than the one you'll feel by staying silent and letting this get worse and worse. the bottom line is suicidal thoughts, while somewhat common, are not normal and are an indicator that it's time to prioritize your mental health. even when everything in you is screaming at you to go the other way, to self destruct. it's hard to care about what happens to you when you just don't but i'm begging you to have some empathy for your future self, alright? that is what you're looking for here, i swear. you're going to be you for the rest of your life and while that may seem daunting right now it is something you can grow to enjoy as you create a whole lifetime of experiences beyond this pain. a professional will be able to get to the root causes of what's going on, while working with you to create a care plan so that you're prepared for these episodes in the future and showing you how to implement positive patterns into your daily life. disentangling your self worth from the way you look is not impossible and is actually very doable through small exercises and patience. minimizing the damage and building from the ground up, awakening yourself to alternative perceptions, is done through communication. it's ok if it's frustrating, it's ok if it takes time. i'm not saying you have to start loving yourself immediately, or that this will solve everything, but it is a great place to start. just making the initial choice to reach out to your parents will make a massive difference. i can't stress it enough, the importance of you realizing that your self hatred and your self perceived 'ugliness' aren't irreversible truths, they are emotional inconsistencies derived from underlying issues that can be addressed with time and small amounts of effort. where you're at right now is truly not where you'll always be no matter how much you feel otherwise. please, if you're a danger to yourself call someone and put your own physical safety first. i'm begging you, it is not going to solve anything and it is not what you deserve. you will find what you do deserve eventually but you have to stick around to see it. you're stronger than you realize. you haven't made it this far for nothing. i really hope you're alright and that you're able to talk with your parents, or that you at least consider it for now. i'm sure they'll appreciate the honesty, and that's where it all begins. just admitting to what's going on, which you've already proved your capable of. sending a lot of love to you, don't hesitate to hit me up if you need a friend. you're not alone.

https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

#tw suicide #anon #long post

13 notes · View notes

ad1thi · 5 years

Text

avengers endgame

this film ruined me

don’t get me wrong

i loved the film

but it ruined me

i don’t know how to function in a world where tony stark is gone

i genuinely don’t

i’m not ready for a marvel cinematic universe where he isn’t there anymore

but i just

i needed somewhere to write down how i feel about this film

so here it is:

(spoilers under the cut)

(sorry guys i couldn’t help myself)

thoughts about the film in (mostly) chronological order:

i said this ages ago and it was very satisfying that carol saved tony. and i love tony and nebula’s soft friendship so much and i wish we could’ve seen more of it

the naked happiness and surprise on nebula’s face when tony says that she won makes me cry so much, because she’s so used to always losing and here is this man who she’s never met before who is completely okay w her winning (her own sister wasn’t okay w her winning)

i love that carol saved tony, but i hate that rhodey wasn’t the first person to get to tony. don’t get me wrong- my stevetony heart jumped out when steve ran up to him and wrapped his arms around him, but a huge visceral part of me wishes that it had been rhodey

i hated seeing tony that thin. i know that it was necessary and it fits, but it broke my heart

i loved the continuity of this film. tony has been saying for years that there’s a bigger threat out there and they all dismissed him as paranoid and now this bigger threat came and killed half the universe and tony? tony almost died in space. the anger and pain in that scene, the way he singles out steve and thrusts the arc reactor on him before collapsing, that scene gives me vindictive pleasure

i also really appreciate clint’s arc in this. i feel like a rogue merc assassin who singles out mobsters that survived the snap that claimed his family is very in character for him

scott and cassie’s reunion made my heart soar

and i should say; this film is the first avengers film where the characters give tony the respect he deserves

the fact that they first turn to tony for help; the fact that neither steve nor natasha try to pressure him or manipulate him into helping; the fact that steve trusts his plan almost immediately; thats the deference tony deserved from film 1 and i’m glad he finally got it

this film gave steve a personality- yall have no idea how long i’ve waited for steve rogers to have a personality. this is the first film where we see steve rogers instead of captain america(TM) and it makes me sad that its taken that long

THOR’S BEER BELLY IS EVERYTHING. that is how normal people (and asgardians apparently) mourn

but i have to say, this film didn’t acknowledge loki at all and i think thats so shitty given that ragnorak paved for their relationship

i wish there had been some acknowledgment that thor was mourning loki as well

like him stopping in front of loki’s prison for a second, or him mentioning his brother in passing

this film found me asgardian family trope baited and i don’t appreciate that

i wish we’d had more rhodey&nebula scenes and more tony&nebula scenes, but i am happy with what i had

i have to say though, the film script was very well done everything tied together really well and nothing seemed particularly forced or out of place

NATASHA DYING THOUGH

that

that broke me

i mean, it makes sense, since natasha and tony were the first 2 avengers introduced to the mcu and so they should be the ones to die (in this house we don’t acknowledge the incredible hulk as a film) but that still took me by surprise

i wish they’d done it differently though

i wish clint and natasha hadn’t fought, i wish that clint would’ve walked with her to the end of the cliff, held her close and then just let go

i feel like the fight cheapened it, and tried to add this shock effect that just didn’t exist

clint has a family, i always knew it was going to be natasha

steve, tony, thor- i was prepared fo; but natasha blindsided me

speaking of steve and tony

there were so many stevetony moments in this film?

tony yelling at steve after he comes back from space

tony quipping w steve 5 years later “i miss that giddy optimism”

steve appreciating that tony is risking his daughter’s life for this hell mission- and acknowledging that

“do you trust me?” “i do”

ALSO TONY SPENDS HIS TIME STARING AT STEVE’S ASS i gotta say when you’re staring at another fella’s ass it means you’re gay them’s the rules

BEFORE I FORGET

THAT SCENE WITH HOWARD

im in 2 minds about it

because

don’t get me wrong; i hate howard stark

but this is about tony

and i think there’s something very cathartic about the fact that tony got to see his dad as the person people said he was, instead of the man who abused him all his life

and idk i feel like he needed that

i’ve gotta be honest though, i feel robbed of an edwin jarvis and tony scene. edwin jarvis was the man that raised tony, not howard- and i so wish he could’ve gotten a chance to talk to the man one last time

one of the biggest losses in the MCU is when tony loves JARVIS, the AI that’s been with him through everything; and i genuinely feel like it would’ve been more appropriate for him to talk to Edwin rather than H*ward

the irondad and spiderson feels jumped out in this film too

i genuinely believe that this film was the penultimate in tony’s arc; because everybody else is fighting for the casualties they can’t see but tony is fighting the casualty he did see

tony stark is fighting for peter parker and peter parker alone and you can not change my mind

everybody else is avenging the world, tony stark is avenging his son

which is why i adore that scene in the final battle where tony cuts peter off mid sentence to give him a hug and i just -

tony stark’s death ruined me

it genuinely broke my heart

and i think its very “full circle” that he says ‘i am iron man’ and that rhodey is the first person to reach him after he uses the stones, that pepper says “its okay we’ll be okay you can rest now”

that line is so important because tony was fighting for them. for his spiderkid, for his wife, for his bestfriend, and he can rest knowing that he saved their lives

speaking of the final battle though, i genuinely don’t appreciate the implication that steve is worthy enough to wield Mjolnir

idk

something about that rubs me wrong

and as much as i love steve’s ending scene and the fact that the shield goes to sam (bucky letting sam go see old!steve?? that moment between them?? i love that) i genuinely believe that the film should’ve ended with tony’s funeral

i do not appreciate that wendy bitchimoff got her own scene because i do not appreciate wendy bitchimoff

that should’ve been clint and steve; because natasha and steve’s friendship is literally one of the only good things to come out of steve’s arc in the mcu

anyway

the film should’ve ended with morgan asking for cheeseburgers

because this mcu belongs to tony stark

and this film is the only avengers film where tony is given his due

and it is only the film where he dies

so excuse me

while i go cry

#avengers endgame #avengers 4 #adi rants #avengers: endgame spoilers #avengers: endgame reactions #adi analyses #adi sobs #her fkn heart out

17 notes · View notes

itsicantbelievethis666 · 5 years

Text

A Cunning Woman and a Demon - Chapter 4

1519 words This was a difficult chapter to write as a) I was...distracted by recent events and b) the words were not coming as freely as I would have liked. Exposition can be useful in some contexts but, with a reasonably well-established mythos, it wasn’t really necessary. Warnings: depictions of nudity with some elements of dub-con and BDSM, but within the context of someone finishing a task that was begun.

Once again, thanks to the following as well as anyone I may have missed (please raise your hands and let me know.) @new-zealand-chic @deepdisireslonging @trent7thirsting @xprincessofthefallenangels @demonkingsangel @writtingrose @sjwrites22 @writinglionqueen @superrezzy00 @kallirevenne @neversatisfiedgirlfics @neversatisfiedgirl @sjwrites22 @theworldofotps @tacoshuimagines @writing-reigns @baratomaya @devittsslut @the-carter-mob-don @evilangel84 @demonqueen29 @blissedoutbalor @thebalorwithin

Chapter 4 – The Shadow

The air rushes subtly over me as I float in darkness and silence. I’m partially bent, as though I was back in Bray’s prison. That pain is absent, however, and I feel no force in the bending. I’m swaying to and fro with the breeze until, suddenly, all stops. I fall, but slowly, onto something soft; I straighten as I land. There’s a pressure on my forehead for a moment, then another, briefer and smaller, before I am still once again.

Before my eyes, a jumble of snapshots and cut-scenes appears – photos of me as a child, with the family I knew before I came to this place; fractured memories of being punished for real or perceived sins, tinged with shame and a sense of unfairness. A long sequence followed of quieter torments, of existential terrors sharpened by near-constant rejection. I remember trying to decide if I could sit out the threat or whether I’d be better off racing the rest of the world into the grave. The memory shifts to how I would cope; by giving myself over to being as “good” as I could be - excelling at school, throwing myself headlong into sports and clubs and hobbies and just trying to keep my head down – and to solitude.

The jumble returns, and sounds join in: muffled, hushed. I try to add a couple pennies’ worth to the mix but I can’t form actual words. Why is it getting so cold all of a sudden? There’s a flurry of movement around me, then pressure under me as I begin again to float, again with the bending. I’m aching all over and I don’t know why. I try to protest, but the words won’t come. The jumble suddenly stops.

Before my eyes is the clearing - but empty, utterly devoid of the life I made here. It’s nighttime. The stars are pinpricks in the black sky. A soft glow comes from the brook and brightens further upstream to the base of the smaller waterfall that feeds the one pouring off the plateau. In an earlier time, I would wash here in warmer weather, the coolness bracing me as the dawn broke and the ritual had not yet become a chore, then a terror, as Wyatt seeped slowly into this world. The water now feels like ice, but it’s been so long since I’ve felt so free.

The robe and dress come away far too easily and I step into the flow with neither shame nor fear – only sadness as the remnants of Wyatt’s curse of imprisonment make themselves known. As the water drenches me, I run my hands over the scar tissue. Under my hands, it feels like thick, wrinkled leather. The sensation is one way – neither my breasts nor my loins can receive the signals my touch or the water is sending them.

The soap and cloth can do nothing to loosen the casing; the scrub brush is as wont to take my own flesh away with the scarring – if there’s anything left under it. I start to cry as I chant the incantation over and over again, desperate to be free of it and to free myself. I would rather go without being healed than to throw myself at anyone’s feet – even Finn’s - and to beg for it. Nonetheless, to be healed would be ideal.

At once, however, something else is touching me under the waterfall; several, maybe even a dozen small, unseen “hands” have taken up the task of washing me clean; two larger ones have wrapped around my wrists while the others begin gently massaging me from head to toe with soap lather. The two “hands” washing my hair are careful to avoid tangling the locks or tugging my scalp. The sensation is deeply pleasant in a way I have trouble recalling. Perhaps it was before I came to this place that I last felt this cared for. The tears come again, bittersweet with memory and longing.

The “hands” then lift me off my feet and carry me from the waterfall. My eyes grow heavy and the chill returns. Distant voices waft to my ears, some more pleading, others more demanding. One breaks through closer than the others – deeper and rougher, a growl of menace behind it, but strangely familiar. Some jostling follows, but I’m too tired and weak to protest it. I feel a sudden, sharp pain in one of my fingertips, then a pressure on it, as if blood was being drawn from it.

At long last, I am standing in the middle of a nearby clearing, grass under my feet. Someone has dressed me in a long, white, loose-fitting gown, bare-shouldered, covered in soft bobbin lace. Three pairs of ribbons keep the gown closed in the front.

In front of me is a large slab of stone, surrounded by moss and lichens as though it had sat there for millennia. Seated on it is…a shadow, in human form. The light seems to sink into it: the stone, the trees and even the night sky glow in contrast around it. I can feel my heart pounding and the chill setting deeper in – in the silence a voice peals with desperation in my head – “We’re losing her! I have no choice!” My breath catches, growing shorter.

“Greetings, good lady Abigail,” says the shadow. The voice is low, multitonal, and accented. “Sublime.”

“Who are you?” I ask, but the words come out shakily, with a rasp. Something is wrong with me, but I dare not ask this thing for help.

“You know who I am. Do you know him, in whom I dwell?” it answers, then stands up. He – there can be no doubt that the form is masculine – steps slowly towards me. As he approaches, I can make out angles and curves sharpening into focus, until I recognize his form as Finn’s. At once, ribbons of white and red appear and effect a willowy dance over the form. The ribbons and their shadows extend past his hands to the forest floor, and drape over his shoulders from the crown upon his head. His eyes spark to life in the same memorable blue.

“He and I were thrown together when each of us was captured,” I said. “He freed me from enough of my bonds so that we could escape together. That’s all I know….” My head is beginning to spin and what light I can see is fading.

“He’s not freed you enough. Dere’s more, but dat poor lad is strugglin’ wit’ getting’ ya stable and ye’re slippin’ away from him. You’ll need to drink dis.” He turns briefly to the slab, then picks up and proffers me a simple goblet. The liquid inside is red – wine, I conclude.

I bring up one hand to take the cup, but my knees give out and the darkness looms even larger. The shadow catches me as I buckle, lowering me slowly to the grass with one arm holding my head up. He holds the goblet in the other hand and brings it to my lips. Multiple voices whisper from the shadow’s mouth, pleading,n“Please, my love, drink dis….swallow, swallow….”

The liquid flows slowly into my mouth; the wine is sweet, but has a note of iron throughout. I can no longer see and the voices are fading; I gulp, if only to keep the wine from drowning me. The flow continues and I gulp again, and again, until the goblet is drained and the last drops have crossed my tongue. I once again float, this time in the shadow’s arms, until I lie supine on the slab.

The darkness slows its encroach to a crawl, then stops and begins to recede. My breathing slows and grows steady. The shadow stands over me, expectantly; the ribbons of his crown dangling over his shoulders.

“Thank you,” I say, barely above a whisper. “Whatever that was, I’m feeling better.”

“Ye were dyin’,” he replies, a tremor of concern in his voice. “Poor Finn was gettin’ frantic lookin’ for how to break yer fever. I may have…added a recipe to your little grimoire to help ‘im along.”

“What do you mean?” I look up at him, brow furrowed.

“More will be revealed,” he says. “But not tonight. Tonight, you are to be healed.” With that, the shadow’s ribbons wrap around my wrists and ankles and press them against the cold stone as his hands carefully unknot the ties on my gown, then gently pull it open to expose my ruined and barren flesh.

Instinctively, I close my eyes and turn my head away from the shadow. Through the air a pair of voices chant the now-familiar incantation, as a pair of warm hands wander slowly over my breasts, my abdomen, my hips, my buttocks and, finally, my vulva and the casings fall away. Tears of gratitude streak my temples as a hint of the old sensations returns. I open my eyes to Finn tearfully whispering, “I’m sorry,” as he pulls the bed covers back over me and settles into a chair next to the bed.

#finn bálor #sister abigail #demon king #bray wyatt

1 note · View note

octavianothing-blog · 5 years

Photo

Can’t wait for Mac Miller’s Spirit to enter the next body of a genius .

I was hit with the deepest depression of my life the day Mac Miller died.

I sunk into a place, covered myself with a blanket then with dirt then a stone to cover the tumb after I hung a do not disturb sign at the door.

It’s not because I was a huge Mac fan, knew every one of his lyrics or even could tell you much about his life.

But Mac Millers time marked significance in my time. His death reminded me of the death of friends and dreams. Conscious friends and lucid dreams.

I started smoking weed in 12 the grade. I had little to nothing and new little to nothing about myself. I was told I was intelligent. I didn’t know how to swim.

I was just a foster kids with no definition of home and no desire to make one or be subdued by the offering of one or family.

I was alone I felt alone. I was ok in that for years.

So like most teens when you first start smoking in highschool I bought weed from the proclaimed misfits, the kids whos two parents didn’t get them, loved kid cuddi,

smoked weed and who bummed cigarettes off each other .Going in on an 8th together. They took their dirty fingernails to the weed to break it up.

I watched friend’s roll it with his saliva and dark lips.

White and black alike we all gathered around.

They all loved Mac Miller. Wiz khalifa and didn’t give a fuck about the bell schedule.

School and the professors we didn’t give a shit about could wait.

.we stayed in time together. Drum kits and lyrics.

Id usually disappear after someone rolled me one that I bought myself. No I didn’t know how to roll for some time. Plus getting my shit rolled kept me apart of the social. I usually shared it with my girl at the time and was left alone to be alone. She was there .the smoke settling in her hair. That would later die smh.

. Mac was the artist of our time.

He felt what we felt.

Made us feel what he felt probably more than what we felt.

We were lost and he was finding him. He found someone he didn’t enjoy that was obvious. Someone sad, thought-filled and unhopefully dream filled.

He kept making music. Found an outlet in it like most of it.

We would sit on the grass or crouch on elevated cement fixtures around our highschool campus.

Feeling like The hunchback of Notre Dame most likely.

I stopped smoking my last day of college. Vowing to be satisfied with my life. But that’s a whole other conversation.

Over the years I’ve heard Mac Miller songs on my Spotify mix and thought he was sounding more and more like funk and soul. One song even sounded like j Cole’s in my opinion. I remember riding through Oakland saying who does this guy think he is?

What got him into this new sound?

I was now an unpaid music critic. I loved sound and vibes. Obsessed with connection and fucking my life up by the seconds I did nothing with this interest.

Fast forward three years later I move to Long Beach. Not LA.

It was the middle of August and I had just moved into a sweet apartment by the beach near bars and restaurants.

We had wood floors and a cute Ikea carpet. My gf and I, although I referred to her as my partner at that time to feel more adult, had finally created our space.

I wasn’t working but I had some money in the bank from a settlement I fought for all by myself. Autonomy right. Self reliance . Yea . American

Over the years I would take time to sit down and watch NPRs tiny desk series. That August I watched Macs. Seeing him there. His face around his eyes as orange as his hat on his head made me feel something about the way I felt everything. Deeply.

I knew he wasn’t well because I knew I wasn’t well.

I could hear his voice crack on syllables that pricked his heart and mind at the same. He covered his mouth like I had Everytime in life I felt unworthy.

He was melting inside like ice cream on an August day. While he was also the kid watching his ice cream melt.

He was here and there. The observer and participant. The performer and the audience and that duality did him as much harm as it did good.

He was tormented by his ability and inabilities. His insight and his refusal to change what he saw. I checked out his song 2009 a few times after watching that performance and thought he did a good job.

The day was hot and we had decided we would rescue this dog at a shelter over an hr away. This had been our third time going up there and knew for sure we’d bring the dog home that day.

We listened to our Spotify playlists as we drove. The vibe was sunnyish with over cast. I felt it creeping on my neck. Did I really want this dog? Or did she? But why ? We had a perfectly good dog in the back seat. She took the craziest shit on our beach towel and a hoodie we had on the back seat the last trip we made up to the shelter. Why didn’t we turn back then?

I was numb and just doing things that made sense and looked cute in social society.

So why not two dogs. Both the same breed. ? Shrug. I’ll drive.

I’d drive the hr drive there and back Everytime.

This was me.

My overly informative Google phone broke the news. I knew it was coming like the dark that comes every night.

I was gone couldn’t tell you where I went. I lived in that moment for almost 10 months. And I’m just getting out of it and reflecting on it now. Imagine I wasn’t completely me before . Now I was just a shipwreck far from the shore and anyone that could save me. I didn’t think I needed saving. I would save me . I swayed back and forth between those two action plans for a while. I just came to realized what actually saved me.

I write all this to say,

Mac Miller was one of a kind, a guy on the journey with truth to his truth.

He was famously himself. Awkward, nervous, artistic and lost like most of us who loved him are.

One of his most shocking lines for me was in a stupid song called Weekend ft Miguel where he said “ I fell asleep but forgot to die. ” (2:21)

Swimming was made for us he would leave behind

The young adults he captivated in his career and journey as a musician this lifetime.

What does it mean to swim

Keep trying

Go to it

Surrender to the waves and the tide in your style.

You don’t control the timing

Just how you react

Sometimes some ppl swimming drown

They tried we remember them for it.

Keep swimming.

Bring ur floaties

And most importantly your community/ friends.

I think about how many of us are still swimming everything.

My friend who’s ex fiancee left her and made her move out months after proposing.

My other friend who’s children’s dad emotionally and verbally abused her for 5 yrs.

My love who’s family came to the US to get a better life. Her mom who’s suffered debilitating back and knee pain but still works a cleaning job every day to make a living.

My dead friend’s brother. (I wish there was a better way to write that sentence)

We keep swimming. We keep at whatever we feel like we should. For whatever reason we can muster up for that season.

This year I’ve had some of the most violent tides. I’ve had to ask friends and community to carry me. I realized that I had the tendency to live in moments.

I snapped out of a couple moments I had been living in for years. Like the time I became homeless and snapped, or the time I ruined my relationship with a good friend because I was too immature.

Im now present wondering how could something last for so long without me realizing it.

I don’t try to play cool anymore.

I was brought to my purpose on the backs of mentors and friends. Waves were getting very rough for me to manage alone. I was reminded of my kindness the soul they saw and experienced when speaking with me, regardless of the shit I saw. I was brought to my heart by Yoga meditation and emptied my mind filled with so much emotional baggage by way of sifting items through my heart.

It’s a great exercise. Please try it.

Anyways on the Anniversary of Malcoms death. Im sitting up writing in a cafe like I’ve never before.

I am considering myself to be an empath. Recognize that I am someone who lives with, in and around depression. I have the tendency for addiction and have a mother who is preoccupied with my sexuality to even see my soul.

I have accepted things, moved on from others (friends, lifestyles, preconceived notions of me, jobs, ( I just put in my two months notice at an investment firm) and hung up the idea of entrepreneurship)

My purpose is to improve the quality of life for as many people possible. With this first published piece I hope to connect with others affected by the death of Mac Miller or anyone they’ve loved, admired and had hope in.

There’s a lot of us out here. Let’s begin to speak on it. Communication, Form Community, Commune. Speak, connect and eat at each others tables.

#mac miller #rip mac miller #community #music #misfits #yoga #communication #lostsouls #socialism #mourn #anxiety #depression #addiction #hope #swim #swimmimg

1 note · View note

hangjie · 5 years

Text

whatever it takes. (2) [ peter parker ]

PART ONE

summary: it has been five years since thanos wiped out half of the population and since the avengers killed thanos. so, what’s left for you?

warnings: ENDGAME SPOILERS!!! and swearing

word count: 2,254

author’s note: my writing is so bad i swear uGH

i kinda rushed it HUHUHUH IM SORRY i literally don’t know how to write this bc at this point, i started to scream and cry out loud in the cinema

(also, i changed up the end a bit and lets say that peter also aged up HAHAHHAHAHA ;(()

─── • ° *｡✧ ───

i softly groan as i flutter my eyes open, slowly regaining my senses. i hear soft pants and i blink several times before i notice uncle clint in front of me and he was . . . carrying me?

“u-uncle clint?” i look around our surroundings, noticing that the infinity gauntlet is on my lap. i grab the gauntlet and hold it close to me, making sure not to let go of it. the dark lighting of the sewers under the headquarters reflect the water on the ground as uncle clint runs. “what’s going on?”

“no time to talk, squirt,” he says and a loud monstrous growl echoes throughout the sewer. i look over his shoulder and my blood run cold when i see several monstrous animal like creatures chasing after us.

i repeatedly curse under my breath and i start to panic.

uncle clint notices my panic and reaches over his shoulder, grabbing some of his arrows. i look to him with a confused glance when he hands them to me. “stick it in those pipes.” he says, nodding over to the pipes on the sides.

i take deep breaths, feeling my self start to calm down. i nod and uncle clint moves to the side, close enough for me to reach to the pipes and stick the arrows to it, making sure not to drop the gauntlet.

as uncle clint frantically runs, a loud explosion rings behind us, making us fall to the ground and making uncle clint let go of me. i look behind us and see the creatures covered in flames, but the flames didn’t do much since they start to chase after us again.

uncle clint grabs my waist and the gauntlet from my hands. he shouts for me to hold on to him as he shoots up at the ceiling, a thin line of cable wire attaching and pulling us out of the sewers. the creatures follow us up and i pull out my guns, shooting it at them one by one.

when we finally reach the top, one of the creatures jumps up to us, mouth ready to devour us. i reach up and shoot it in the mouth, letting it’s lifeless body drop back to the sewers.

uncle clint sprawls over the floor, panting until nebula approaches us and takes the gauntlet from uncle clint’s hands.

“father,” she speaks into her microphone. “i have the stones.”

holy fuck. this is nebula from the past.

uncle clint and i immediately shoot up and aim our weapons at her, her following our actions. “nebula, stop!” a voice rings out and we turn our attention towards the voice and my eyes nearly pop out of my sockets when i see gamora pointing her gun at nebula.

wait. what the fuck is happening?

uncle clint and i slowly back away until another nebula pops out of the shadows, but this nebula has a melted arm, half of her arm’s exoskeleton visible to the eye. this must be the real nebula.

when past nebula points her gun towards gamora, uncle clint and i immediately rush a few meter away from the scene.

i don’t know what they were saying, but right before i knew it, a loud gunshot rings in my ears and i see past nebula with a hole in her chest. uncle clint immediately grabs the gauntlet and we all rush outside the remains of the headquarters.

when outside, our eyes immediately spot uncle steve, uncle thor, and dad fighting thanos and with a blink of an eye, thanos has dad down and is pushing stormbreaker against uncle thor’s chest.

before i could run and help them, uncle clint blocks my way with his arm. “wait, (y/n). look.” he points to uncle steve who is now fighting thanos with mjolnir in his hand and half of his shield in the other.

i hear uncle clint curse under his breath and i hear him mumble, “damn. i always knew cap was worthy.”

uncle steve gets thrown back by thanos and second by second, uncle steve’s shield gets smaller and smaller. thanos slices uncle steve’s thigh and hits him hard, making him fall down on the ground, but he stands back up, ready to continue fighting, but thanos’ army gather behind him, outnumbering uncle steve by the thousands.

“we’ve got to help him,” nebula says and we all agree, immediately running towards him to fight.

while we were running, several portals open up, making us slow down our tracks and stare in disbelief.

my eyes can’t believe what i was seeing.

out came the portals were all of the avengers, even the fallen who didn’t survive thanos’ snap.

from t’challa, okoye, shuri, and their army, bucky, wanda, the guardians, doctor strange, and even my mom.

my breath hitches in my throat and tears start to pool in my eyes when i see a red and blue figure swing into the battlefield, positioning in the very front.

it’s peter.

my peter.

he’s back.

“avengers!” i hear uncle steve call out. the four of us walk closer as i grab my guns from my waist holster and cock them, ready for battle.

i take a deep breath, millions of thoughts running through my head of the possible outcomes.

what if thanos gets to me first?

what if i don’t survive this war?

what if i die and i won’t get to see peter again?

my eyes softly open and i inhale one last time before uncle steve signals and all of the avengers charge towards thanos and his army.

i shout in anger and run, shooting the creatures that are running towards me.

the battle has begun.

i fight and fight with all my might. i turn towards my front, sides, and back, shooting a bullet through the head and chest of the creatures around me, making sure that none of them get too close to me or hurt me.

one manages to grab my arm, but i quickly aim my gun towards its head and pull the trigger, it’s body dropping to the ground in an instant.

i feel a kick on my torso, making me drop my guns to the ground. they throw a punch, making me fall to my side. i quickly swipe their legs and grab one of my guns, putting a bullet through their head.

i look around for my other gun, but then i feel one of them grab my leg, making me drop back on the ground. several of thanos’ minions gather on top of me and when i pull the trigger, no bullet comes out.

“shit!”

i try to get away and i try to reach for my watch to be able to activate my suit, but they pin me to the ground. i close my eyes and i say a prayer inside my head, silently thanking my family for taking care of me, the avengers for believing in me, for peter who loved me at my best and mostly, at my worst.

i wait patiently for death to come, but i snap my eyes open when the creatures on top of me screech and are being pulled back one by one. they all screech as they are pulled back and are thrown far away from the scene.

when their grip on me loosens, i quickly push the button on my watch and immediately, my body starts to be engulfed with iron and wires. several blasters appear above my head and shoot the remaining creatures off of me and into ashes.

i pick myself off of the ground and tears start to prickle my eyes when the brunette boy i fell in love with over time and watched turn to dust in front of me rushes over towards me.

“(y/n)!” the iron around my face dissolves as peter checks for any injuries, despite being in the middle of a battle and me being in an iron suit.

“holy cow. you will not believe what’s going on. do you remember when we were in space? and i got all dusty? i must’ve passed out cause i woke up and you and mr. stark were gone,” he rambles.

“peter–”

“but doctor strange was there, right? he was like, ‘it’s been five years. come on, they need us!”

“peter, love–”

“and then he started doing the yellow sparkly thing he does all the time-” before peter could finish, i roll my eyes and grab the back of his neck, connecting my lips with his. he freezes in shock at my sudden actions, but he kisses back, nevertheless.

when we pull away, he sighs in content before smiling. his teary eyes are filled with hope, gladness, and relief as he looks down on me. “this is nice,” he says, making me chuckle. “as much as i love our little reunion, there are thousands of people in thanos’ army trying to kill us right now.” he chuckles and moves away from me to fight off the creature approaching us in fast steps.

-----

throughout the fight, peter and i continue to fight side by side and back to back. when one of us seems to be in trouble, the other won’t hesitate to help fight off the annoying bastards.

we continue fighting and fighting until a bright light flashes. i cover my eyes to try to hide the light, but it immediately fades away. one by one, what remained of thanos’ army starts to turn to dust and fade away in the wind.

a smile starts to spread across my face.

we won.

i look towards my left to celebrate our victory until i see my dad sitting on the ground with uncle rhodey, peter, and mom around him as he is slowly dying.

i immediately rush over to him and i kneel beside his weak body and pant, trying to find a way, another way.

“dad? dad? can you hear me?” my hands shake aggressively, too afraid to touch him in case i cause him more pain. “we did it, dad. we won and we brought them back, just like you said,” i say, my voice and heart breaking inside my chest.

dad stares at me with sad eyes. he doesn’t say a word, but his eyes say, ‘yeah. we did, kiddo,’ which makes my heart break even more.

i sniffle and wipe the tears from my cheeks, a sad smile playing on my lips. “look, i made this suit all by myself.” i motion towards my suit. “you inspired me to make this suit,” i say in between sobs. “you are my inspiration and you continue to inspire me everyday, dad.” i take dad’s hand and bring it to my lips, kissing the cold and pale skin.

i feel a pair of arms hug me from behind, tugging me away from dad. i try to break from their grip and i reach out to dad, but they grab my hand and i know the feeling of their hands from anywhere.

peter pulls me close and wraps his arms around me as i cling to him tightly, sobbing into his chest. he rubs my arm up and down in comfort and i can feel his tears dropping on to the top of my head, but i didn’t care.

mom places her hand on top of dad’s hand which is placed around his arc reactor and dad turns to look at me one last time. “(y/n),” he softly calls. peter and i lock eyes and he nods, pulling away from me to let me approach my dad.

i kneel on the other side of dad and he raises his free hand to cup my cheek. i lean against his touch, my tears rolling from his fingers to his wrist. he sadly smiles at me before saying in a raspy voice, “i love you 3,000, kiddo. both you and morgan. don’t forget that.”

“never.”

dad smiles at me one last time and as mom kisses his forehead, his arc reactor’s vibrant blue light turns to black. i can feel his touch on my cheek become lighter as his lifeless hand drops to his side.

even though we won against thanos and restored the population back, the only thing we are celebrating is my dad’s sacrifice and his victory for defeating his fears.

-----

i take a deep breath, one hand holding the strap on my bag while the other one is intertwined with peters as i glance up at the crowded hallway in front of me.

peter must’ve noticed my uneasiness and raises our hands, kissing the top of my knuckles, making me smile.

“you okay?” he asks, concern written all over his face. i nod my head. “yeah, it’s just,” i sigh deeply. “a lot happened in those 5 years and seeing all these people,” i gesture towards my frantic schoolmates wandering through the hallways of the school. “reminds me of my dad.”

peter looks down in sadness at the mention of dad and he sighs, sadly smiling. “yeah, i miss him too.”

the sound of the bell ringing echoes and people all around us start to make their way to their classrooms.

peter kisses my cheek, a dorky smile playing on his lips. “let’s go to class?” i roll my eyes, chuckling before grabbing the collar of his shirt and pull him in a passionate kiss.

peter smiles into the kiss and when we pull away, we intertwine our hands together before we walk towards our classroom, hearts beating as one.

MASTERLIST

4 notes · View notes