#i do not need to be reminded of my teenage angst what the fuck
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you’re the only one who understands
what is it like to say goodbye to your partner without saying goodbye?
kaeya x reader
implied major character death, sudden death, teenage angst
notes: please listen to keshi-understand while reading this!! I promise you won’t regret it <3
it was around 7pm. sitting in front of your laptop, your eyes already red, probably from the exhaustion at your university….or maybe, the expectation to greet kaeya at this certain time, while you both have been in this long distance relationship for a while.
you texted him, expecting him to immediately reply, knowing that would happened, it’s currently evening in his area and he’s a night-owl at that, evening is his awakening if you might titled him.
“wanna facetime?”, you send him the text. you were already smiling by that time, just seeing his profile picture or his chat, makes your day…a much better hell.
i expected it, he’s online now…hmm and he’s typing! i wonder if he put my contacts exclusively outside his do not disturb notifications…well, we can wonder?
kaeya called…i guess he immediately knows it’s time, huh?
“hey..”, his voice raspy; sweet i thought. Though it’s weird that he’s tired, it’s still 9pm in his timezone.
“Why so tired”, a gap of silence, maybe he fell asleep?…or maybe his eyes are already sticky enough that it could easily closed down. “…hmm, a bit.”
“you sound raspy, ironic, you’ve always been the one to remind me to drink my water.”
“hey, even that reminder can be exhausted”. He sighs, you can imagine that he’s doing the facetime exactly in his bed, while all of his caffeine products are everywhere around the floor. Kaeya is nowhere near the word clean. He chuckles slightly, continuing his words with question. “Hey, when will you comeback?”
“i don’t know, summer break maybe?”, unsure, worried, and excited. Three emotions in combine, maybe he misses you?
“chonky misses you…and...that applies to me as well.” dang i miss chonky, his cat, his big chonky cat that always purr whenever a stranger pet him. He has no survival skill for sure.
“what? Why? you’ve always texted and facetime me as well..chonky should’ve been the only one to miss me, not you, silly.”
“i need somebody to talk to..”
“you can always text me.”
“no, like real person. Like you and me.”
“you make it complicated kae.”
“fine”, he sighs. You replied, trying your best to assure him despite how much of a bitch that sounds before. “sorry, i know you must’ve been lonely. Diluc says you’ve been bed rotting all day long.”
“Dang, he must’ve worked for you.”, he finally chuckles.
yet he continued his questions, he always been one to prey over small details.
“say, what if i’m going to another place tomorrow? Will you…just say, visit me before i leave..?”
“why not?”, he heard that word and chuckles. “Just say yes or no, please?”, with your ego out of this world, you mumble a quiet…”sigh…yes, i will..”
“then if i go tomorrow? Will you visit me?”
“where?”
“hmmm wanna make a guess?”
“Univ?”
“better”
“New job across the town?”
“even better”
“Fuck i don’t know kae..just tell me already.”
“It’s a secret, just come back already…i miss you so much.”, he chuckles while opening his camera. You can see how he smirks like a childish moron. “If you come back home, i promise i’ll let you see chonky with his tie again.”
“that’s a hard thing to resist urgh!!! Fine i’ll come back tomorrow, i think my siblings won’t mind my existence till next week. I’m free after all..” , you tell him while opening your camera as well and give him the picture of you just moving around the bedroom, you’re currently tidying up your place while in the call. “promise me you will okay? I have a surprise, you’ll love it”, he gives you the small sighting of a…present. A red box. “It’s for your late birthday, sorry i’m not much of a good boyfriend it seems”, he say that before closing down his camera and giggles like a maniac.
“you don’t have to act romantic in order to love me you know, let me thank you properly with a templated paragraph hahaha.”
“idiot.”, he replied shortly, you know he’s happy and that makes you all smiley. Your cheeks are red, yet he doesn’t seem to care for it…cause if he cares, then you would hide it from him. “I’ll end it now okay? I wanna sleep..chonky is being a rascal for making me run to catch him.” , you laugh, you know he’s tired so you just made a muffled “hmm”, before he says,
“i’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight..” he gives off a smooch and end it. You send an emoji to his chat instead. A white love emoji.
[name] 10.12pm : bye kaeya, love you.
he read it.
kaeya 10.18pm : 🤍
ring…ring…ring…
Kaeya? I’m here. Sorry i’m late…
ring…ring….
ring…ring….
kaeya?
your phone is ringing kaeya. Pick it up. I’m here, please call me back.
ring…ring…
20 miss calls from [name] 🤍
kaeya?
why are you so quiet?
It’s not like we’re distant.
i might forget to drink my water now.
I’ll miss you.
And i wish to understand you better,
before you eventually say goodnight to me.
you’ll always stay 21 forever now kae, but i’ll keep celebrating your birthday, even if nobody remembers you anymore.
notification: Today is kaeya’s 30th birthday, do you want to celebrate it? 🎉🎁
taglist: @esthelily @indarius @n0tamused @sangoqueenkoko @voidlesslove @lyralibra @eroxotckv @rikasurl @dailypenpen @daydreaming-paradies
to be included in the taglist, send me ur @ via askbox.
#kaeya x reader#genshin impact fics#genshin impact fanfic#kaeya alberich x reader#kaeya angst#kaeya alberich angst#kaeya x reader angst#kaeya alberich x reader angst#genshin impact angst#genshin angst
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Bitch I haven’t spoken to since high school just messaged me out of nowhere and I’m ????
#it’s been YEARS since we fell out (messily)#to the day#and she texts me now#on google chat of all places bc i blocked her number#paraphrasing: its been years i found peace with myself i hope you did too#do with this what you want i dont have expectations#and i’m.#GIRL#WHY???#idk what to reply. or if i’m gonna#because she fucked me up like#i do not need to be reminded of my teenage angst what the fuck
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men are so quick to blame the gods
ryomen sukuna x reader
summary: your boyfriend is a heavy sleeper, leaving you to form an unlikely relationship with the curse occupying his body during the late hours of the night.
w/c: 2.6k
tags/warnings: enemies to lovers. angst/fluff. aged up!yuuji. sa is mentioned but it's pretty much just sukuna saying he doesn't condone it. heavy kissing. obvi features yuuji x reader but it's not at all the focus. cursing. sukuna calls you kitten. i'd like to think he's not too ooc in this but im probably delusional. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. no manga spoilers.
a/n: am i rehabbing our handsome vicious psychopath? yes<3 loosely inspired by this post (features manga spoilers) of him being v beautiful and poetic
series masterlist // masterlist
humans have always irritated the king of curses— pathetic little vermin scurrying around, utterly oblivious to their own weakness.
so it came as quite a shock to him when he awoke after over a millenia, only to find himself trapped inside the body of some teenaged brat.
nearly 7 years later and he's positive there isn't a person he despises more in the universe. not even the cocky six eyes wielder can elicit sukuna's fury the way itadori yuuji so easily does.
that's why he resolved early on to kill his vessel's pretty little girlfriend, an act he hopes might satiate his spite. he's positive nothing would devastate yuuji more.
luckily for you, life has a funny way of working.
you and yuuji are standing at an intersection in the city, the pink-haired man staring at his phone as he tries to piece together the directions to a new sushi restaurant you've been wanting to try.
when the pedestrian sign on the other side of the street blinks, you step out onto the pavement without checking for oncoming traffic.
"what the-" yuuji's confused voice fills your ears just as a rough hand wraps around your wrist, yanking you backward violently.
a car barrels through the spot you'd just been standing, the driver clearly not paying attention to the traffic signal. you look back just in time to see harsh black marks fading from your boyfriend's arm, though the rest of his body has seemingly remained unblemished.
it's an odd sensation for yuuji because he's never lost control to sukuna in such a manner. he doesn't dwell on it long though, as anger blossoms in his chest.
"do not touch her," he scolds the curse occupying his body.
a mouth appears on his cheek and scoffs. "sure. i'll just let her die next time."
"it's okay, yu," you interject before he can retaliate. "thanks, sukuna. i, uh, appreciate it."
he grumbles something incomprehensible, his mouth quickly disappearing. your boyfriend looks at you bemused, but you only shrug. the fact that yuuji had lost control to sukuna doesn't make you feel nervous or threatened. you're grateful that he kept you from being run over, albeit a bit surprised.
as you continue your walk to the the sushi restaurant, you find yourself not quite able to meet yuuji's eye because... well... you haven't exactly been forthright regarding your relationship with the king of curses.
the first night it happens, you're laying in bed eagerly finishing the final volume of a manga you've been reading. yuuji is fast asleep and has been for hours, though you're used to being the night owl in the relationship.
you keep wiping at your eyes, the cheerful ending tugging at your heartstrings and tying the story together in a beautiful way.
"can you stop with your incessant sniveling? this idiot's brain is so rarely quiet and you're ruining it."
you look over to see the eye beneath your boyfriend's is open, staring at you scornfully.
"can you fuck off?" your tone is obviously meant to mock him. "i'm finishing one of my favorite mangas and you're ruining it."
"need i remind you of your place, brat?" he sneers. "it's dreadfully wretched, crying because you don't like the ending to some stupid story."
"since you're so clearly invested, i'll have you know i'm crying because i do like it."
"..and here i thought you couldn't get any more pathetic."
your eye twitches in annoyance. "just because you're mad about being stuck in 'some idiot human's body' doesn't mean you have to go around projecting your feelings of inadequacy onto other people."
you move your hand to cover the mouth on your boyfriend's cheek before sukuna can respond, hissing out in pain just a moment later.
"oh my god, you actually bit me." you inspect the teethmarks on your palm in disbelief.
"just wait until i win control of this body— the punishment you deserve for such insolence. you'd better hope you're miles away, but even then—"
"holy shit, enough already. i'll go to sleep. enjoy your peace and quiet," you growl angrily, flipping off the lamp and turning away from him. for some reason, you still find yourself mumbling, "good night."
sukuna's eye widens before promptly closing, the silence hanging in the air heavily. it's the longest conversation he's had in years and the first casual pleasantry he's heard in a millenia. he tries to feel satisfied that he got what he wanted in the end, before returning to his quiet solitude.
over the next few months, your late nights are graced somewhat frequently by the king of curses. he mainly complains— the friends you hung out with earlier were annoying, the tv's too loud, it took yuuji twenty minutes to exorcise a curse that sukuna could have dealt with in seconds.
it doesn't bother you nearly as much anymore and he's no longer able to get under your skin like he did that first night. it seems as if he's losing his touch, or perhaps he just isn't trying as hard.
it's around one in the morning, a book resting in your lap while your boyfriend snores softly beside you. sukuna's eye pops open, peering over at the text. "you're reading homer?"
your body jerks, startled by his sudden question, but you recover soon thereafter. "yeah, were you two friends or something?"
"no, you fool," he derides. "he lived far before my time."
though you don't comment on it, you find it amusing that your sarcasm had gone over his head. "oh, you're right. how silly of me to think you had friends."
"such profound witticism. i can hardly contain myself."
you sneak a glance over to find he's narrowed his eye at you and you actually giggle. "sorry."
it doesn't dawn on you how bizarre the interaction is, but sukuna abruptly realizes that something feels different. not once before tonight had he made you laugh.
he pushes the thought from his mind. "i did, however, indulge in his works during the heian period."
"really?" you perk up. it's not often you give him your full attention. "what'd you think?"
"i suppose i liked him well enough. one of my favorite lines comes from the poem you're reading."
you motion your hand for him to continue. "well don't be shy. i'm sitting here with bated breath."
he rolls his eye, but speaks nonetheless.
"men are so quick to blame the gods— they say that we devise their misery..." you realize for the first time how gruff his voice is, the deep reverberations sending a shudder down your spine. "but they themselves, in their depravity, design grief greater than the griefs that fate assigns."
his eye flickers between each of yours before you look back to your book, fiddling with the corner of the page. you're suddenly feeling rather shy. "does that mean you think humans are even crueler than you?"
he muses over your question briefly.
"if i recounted how men would flee the villages i burned, leaving their families behind in a selfish attempt to save themselves.. who would you find more revolting?
you swallow nervously. "i.. i don't know."
"what if i told you of the men who would eagerly offer their wives and daughters to me, hoping i'd spare them.. who would you deem more wicked?"
you're so busy avoiding his gaze that you don't see the way he carefully regards you. a question you're unsure you want the answer to tumbles from your lips before you can stop it. "did you accept? the.. the husbands' offers—"
"no," he responds. "i have little interest in unwilling partners."
"oh. well that's, um, good."
he hums in response, leaving you to process everything he's told you.
"you should stop," you blurt out eventually.
"stop what?"
"being nice to me." you wouldn't normally consider discussing literature then reminiscing about the egregious stories of his past life particularly kind, but then again, it is sukuna you're speaking with. "it's weird."
he rolls his eye again. "you're hardly in any position to be giving me orders, you insufferable brat."
"see? that's much better."
"why are you crying?" his tone is even, conveying neither annoyance or concern. truthfully, he has no idea what compelled him to ask in the first place.
you don't answer, hoping he'll leave you alone. you really don't have it in you tonight, even if sukuna's been much more tolerable recently. it's been weeks since you finished reading homer's epic poem.
the moon is already setting and it's just a few days before your date at the sushi restaurant.
when you sniffle again, he calls your name. you don't register that he doesn't say brat or idiot. it's the first time he's used your actual name.
"w-what do you want?"
"i seem to recall asking you a question."
you're laying on your side, facing away from yuuji and by extension, sukuna.
"i'm not crying," you declare.
sukuna briefly wonders why he's stuck dealing with you while yuuji sleeps, but his inward 'annoyance' is half hearted. "you're an awful liar."
you exhale and turn to look at him. the only light in the room is coming from the tv, but it's enough that he can see you clearly. "sometimes.. i can't help but worry about the execution."
yuuji has told you countless times that gojo has a plan, that he won't let anything happen, but you know what the higher ups are capable of.
and while it's down right shameful, you know that much, it's not only your boyfriend you worry about these days. sukuna's become so commonplace in your life, you almost look forward to talking with him at night.
"the thought of losing yuuji... of losing.. you.. it scares me," you murmur.
your words stir up feelings he's never once experienced and it's confusing to him. "i'd have figured you'd at least be pleased to be rid of me."
"well, i-i kind of thought we were friends now," you share without thinking.
"don't flatter yourself."
he regrets the words as soon as they come out of his mouth and the guilt he feels as he watches your face fall is unbecoming of a being so powerful. you apologize meekly, shifting (too late) to hide your hurt.
he can't remember a moment in which he's hated being trapped in his vessel's god forsaken body more. he wants to reach out to you, even if the idea feels entirely foreign to him.
but he can't, so he just sighs. "if you think i'm going to let a few feebleminded sorcerers execute me and the brat, you're even more foolish than i thought."
you peer at him, the smallest smile gracing your lips when you realize that's probably as close to an apology as sukuna would ever get.
"promise?"
for fuck's sake. he feels utterly pathetic. completely deplorable. laughable, even—
"yes," he states impassively. "now go to sleep."
"okay." your smile is just a little wider as your fingertips brush the spot below his eye and above his mouth. you wonder if he can even feel it. "good night, sukuna."
"...night, brat."
less than a week after sukuna saves your life at the intersection, yuuji kisses you goodbye as he heads out to a mission. he assures you he'll be early tonight, as he only has to exorcise a semi-grade one cursed spirit in roppongi.
though things don't go quite as planned because in addition to the semi-grade, he finds himself standing before two special grades. he manages to defeat one of the special grades, but the other two leave him badly hurt, his breathing labored.
he has to beg sukuna to switch out with him. the king of curses hasn't forgotten his promise to you and he's no fool— it's clear this is an ambush by the higher ups— but he'll be damned if he wasn't going to have a little fun with the brat first.
he makes quick work of the curses, each of them going rigid with fear as soon as he appears, and it soon becomes apparent that yuuji is too weakened to take back control of his body just yet.
at last, sukuna has his long yearned for freedom and a new world at his fingertips, but there's just one problem... all he wants to do is find you.
when the lock to your apartment clicks, your eyes shift to the door, an excited grin on your face. you can't hide your shock when it isn't your boyfriend that steps inside.
you don't say anything at first, simply following his frame across the room as he approaches you. he leans against the wall a few feet away from where you're sitting on the couch, folding his arms across his chest.
"seems your concerns about the execution weren't unwarranted."
"w-what?!" you exclaim, rising to your feet and taking a step toward him. "what happened?"
he relays the story to you, emphasizing how 'unimpressive' yuuji's power was and how 'terribly simple' it was for him to finish the job his vessel couldn't.
you narrow your eyes at him, only half joking when you ask, "what are you doing here, then? shouldn't you be off pillaging tokyo or something?"
he chuckles. "such a dark mind you have. it wounds me to hear you assume the worst of me."
you bite your lip to hide your smile. "just figured it'd save time."
he closes the space between you and though you can feel the heat radiating from his body, you don't shy away from him. instead, your eyes trail over the dark lines adorning his face and chest.
he reaches up and your breath catches in your throat when the back of his fingers ghost over your neck. his nails graze your skin and a sly smirk forms on his face. "aren't you frightened? it'd be all too easy to kill a little thing like you."
"but you won't."
he can't tell if your assuredness pisses him off, but it certainly makes his heart rate pick up. his hand now occupies the space where your neck meets your shoulder, his touch surprisingly gentle. "what has you so convinced?"
"well you saved me, didn't you? and.. and you kept your promise."
he hums in response and your hand seems to act of its own accord when it reaches up to rest atop his. any lingering sense of amusement is gone in an instant, the air now fraught with tension.
"so why are you here, sukuna?" you murmur.
the king of curses has never known goodness. he's wrought untold destruction and misery, his name inspiring fear even after millenia. he's a legend— a god, even— yet here you are staring up at him and he swears the look in your eyes is almost tender.
"i don't know."
"and you had the nerve to call me an awful liar."
you know you're taking a risk when you lean up and press your lips to his. he freezes for a moment before his mouth begins to move against yours tentatively. his arm stays at his side, so you grab his hand, moving it to your waist.
it's as if that flips a switch in sukuna. he backs you up against the wall somewhat roughly and you can feel him smile against your lips when you let out a squeak of surprise.
he uses the opportunity to take your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging at it before moving to your neck with the intention of leaving a trail of marks across your delicate flesh.
you know you should care, but you just can't bring yourself to tell him to stop. you're too preoccupied with the feeling. he revels in the little gasps he's pulling from your throat, in the way you grab weakly at his biceps.
"you are divine, kitten," he growls. "been waiting so long to touch you."
just as he finishes speaking, he pulls back a few inches and his body stiffens.
"damn it. not now, you stupid brat—"
the words die in his throat as the black lines begin to fade and you're met with the perplexed face of your boyfriend. he breaths out your name, clearly worried. "what.. what happened?"
#m!writes#sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna imagines#sukuna fluff#ryomen sukuna#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna imagines#ryomen sukuna fluff#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk imagines#jjk fluff
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ours - Daniel Ricciardo (listen, please verse)
Words: 5,479
Summary: Daniel and Sweets first time together.
Warnings/Notes: Smut, oral sex (female receiving), penetrative sex, dirty talk, Daniel’s really filthy mouth and thoughts, Daniel being a freak, barebacking, creampie(?), slight angst towards the end but ends in fluff, and once again Daniel's filthy mouth and thoughts. (Also the first time I’ve written full on smut in so long and it’s been this lengthy (no pun intended). Really proud of it though and hope you all enjoy.) (part of the listen, please verse but can be read separately)
Taglist | Masterlist | Patreon | listen, please verse
He sucks in a harsh breath, trying to breath again at the sight in front of him. It was fucking beautiful, gorgeous and before he can stop himself he opens his big mouth.
“You’ve got the prettiest cunt I’ve ever seen.”
Her thighs clench together, “Daniel.” She whines and he drags his eyes away and up her body. Taking in her heaving chest, bottom lip caught between her teeth and wide eyes. His own eyes however immediately fall back to in between her thighs and he can feel his dick throb.
She really did have the prettiest cunt he’d ever seen.
It was all pretty colors, a little slick clinging to her. She wasn’t completely hairless either, something that made him swallow hard. The space where her thighs and pelvis met was free of hair, along with a good majority of her pubic bone. But where she did have hair, it was trimmed. Clearly very carefully groomed and it was all in the places that he knew from a previous ex girlfriend needed a little hair to help protect everything. Though the sight of her like this had never gotten him so excited.
Daniel presses closer, face in between her thighs and he flicks his eyes up, looking at hers. “Can I?”
She quickly nods, lip still caught between her teeth.
With her permission, he presses closer. Face just barely an inch away from where he wants to bury himself when he takes a deep breath through his nose and immediately fucking groans. His dick throbs again at the mouth watering scent of her.
“You’re fucking perfect, sweets. Haven’t even gotten my mouth on you yet and fuck,” he cuts himself off with another groan as the image of his mouth on her enters his mind. He was fucking thirty-two yet he felt like a teenager. About to bust just from the thought of touching a girl.
Her thighs try to press together and he grips them tighter. He’d happily let her suffocate him some other time, but not right now. Not for the first time.
“Can I taste you? Get you off with my mouth before I stretch you with my fingers?”
“Yes,” she gasps, hips bucking a little. “Please, Daniel. Please.”
He wants to grin at the sound of her begging, at how eager she is. But he can’t not when he’s the same way.
He wants to dive straight in, bury himself in between her thighs and make her cum on his tongue until she’s yanking his curls so hard they're nearly torn out as she tries to get him to stop. Wants to feel her push him away and then closer, pain and pleasure mixing together so much that her body doesn’t know what it needs. He just wants.
Ducking his head, he presses a kiss to her left inner thigh before turning to do the same to the right. He then presses a kiss to her clit, shuddering at the whine that leaves her at the contact. Moving his head down a little, he pokes his tongue out tasting the small amount of slick clinging to her folds and immediately groans at the taste.
He can’t narrow down everything she tastes like, but he can taste a bit of sweat and blood, which makes him take another deep inhale, it also reminds him of some of the plain yogurt he gets every time he’s in monaco. It’s intoxicating and he moves so his left arm is pining her hips to the bed while his right hand moves so it’s fingers are exposing more of her. Spreading her open so he can taste everything she has to give.
Daniel isn’t sure how long he spends between her legs. Going between licking her open, spit and slick making her deliciously wet, to pressing his tongue to her clit, making shapes, spelling out letters and numbers till he finds what makes her legs shake and his name come out as a gasp. He tries not to let it get to him that it’s the number three that makes her gasp and try to buck her hips upwards, wanting more.
He tries, but when he does it again and she whines, he can’t help but groan, rocking his own hips into the bed before really burying his face in her. Nose bumping her clit as his tongue presses inside her.
“Daniel!” She clenches and he flicks his tongue upwards again, rocking his hips when he’s rewarded with his name as a near shout spilling from her lips again.
Pulling back, he rubs her clit with his thumb. “You gonna cum for me, sweets?”
She nods, “yes, please.”
He runs his pinky gently over her thigh, soothing her. “Gonna cum all over my tongue, let me taste you?” He asks as if he hasn’t spent however long doing exactly that.
“Yes.”
“Good girl.” And before she can react to the name, he’s back between her thighs, keeping his thumb rubbing circles on her clit even though it’s awkward and overkill with how his nose bumps into the small bud. But it earns him more slick flowing out of her and onto his tongue, which he laps up. Pressing his tongue back inside of her, he thrusts it once, then twice before feeling her body tense up.
He quickly rubs harsher circles on her clit, being rewarded with her hips trying to push up, thighs attempting to come together and her moans and groans before she finally spills over his tongue with a near scream of his name as she tugs at his curls.
He groans at the wave of cum that floods over his tongue as he pulls it out of her. He laps over her entrance trying to get every drop until she’s pushing his head away.
Lifting his head, Daniel smiles at the sight of her. Her eyes are closed, mouth open a little as she pants. Chest moving up and down rapidly. One of her arms still extended downwards from when she had her fingers twisted in his hair, the other laying flat against the bed.
The sight makes him throb a little in his joggers and he can’t resist rocking down one more time against the bed, before he pushes himself up. He quickly moves so he’s laying right beside her, wanting to reach out and gently touch her arm but doesn’t know how sensitive she is.
“That was…” she trails off, finally opening her eyes and turning her head to look at him. “So good.”
“Yeah?’ He grins, hand twitching, wanting to touch her, but he redirects it to his shirt which he draws up to wipe at his face. Getting rid of any slick on his face that hasn’t yet dried.
She nods, letting out a breathless sort of laugh, eyes falling to his exposed chest before they move back up when his shirt drops. “Yeah.”
Reaching up, her hands rests on the back of his neck as she presses for him to lean down, pressing their lips together as soon as he’s in reach.
She’s never tasted herself before, never done anything sexual with someone else except give a few previous boyfriends handjobs, but she doesn’t mind the taste of herself. It’s not like anything she’s ever really tasted before and she can feel blood rush to her cheeks at the thought of kissing Daniel after he’s cummed in her mouth. Wonders if he’d even want to kiss after she’s given him a blowjob. Her mind then conjures the image of him in between her legs, but this time inside of her and she can feel herself clench around nothing.
“I want more.” She murmurs, when they both pull back, foreheads pressed together, breathing in each other's air.
His eyes widened slightly, “you sure? Your thighs have barely stopped shaking.”
“I’m sure.” She takes a breath, “I want you in me.”
She doesn’t expect the way his eyes slam shut and the groan of her name, but it makes her confident. And she pulls him until he’s on top of her, hovering, with his arms on either side of her head, bracing his weight.
“Are you sure?” He asks again, eyes open and looking into hers. “We haven’t done anything like this before. And I don’t mind waiting for us to have sex for the first time. It’d be worth the wait.”
Something in her stomach flutters at his words, at how sweet he is. “I know, but I want this.” She takes a breath. “I want you, Daniel.”
He leans down, sharing a sweet kiss with her. “Okay. But I want to apologize in advance for how short this might be. I’ve been hard as a rock since we we’re on the couch.”
She can’t help but laugh and he grins at the sound.
He liked being playful in bed. Liked being able to laugh during and before sex. Because sometimes sex was stupid and things happened that if you didn’t laugh about it then, it would just be awkward later.
It had taken him a while to know that pausing to laugh during sex or just laughing mid thrust was okay, didn’t mean that it wasn’t good or that the night was over. He was glad that despite how much younger and maybe inexperienced she was, that she was okay with laughing in bed.
“I know we’re both clean.” They had exchanged results just a month ago, when tension had started to really build between them. “But I still need to grab a condom.”
She frowns at the idea of him getting off the bed to go over to where his bag is. Where she knows a strip of condoms is. It was barely a few feet away, but it seemed too far. “What if we went without?”
His heart skips a beat, before coming back twice as fast. “You want to go bare?”
“I just,” she pauses. “We’re both clean, I’m on birth control, and I can always doordash some plan b.”
“I’ve, uh. I’ve never gone bare.” Hadn’t really thought about it either, other than when he was younger and it seemed like a fucking hardship to walk three feet to get a condom. But even then the thought had been fleeting, just in the moment. But the thought of it now? Of nothing separating them? Of getting to sink into her sweet, hot cunt with no condom on? It made him throb and swallow hard around the sudden lump in his throat.
“It could be a first for both of us.”
Her gentle voice saying those words, made him squeeze his eyes shut, hand suddenly disappearing between them to grab at the base of his cock. “Shit, sweetheart.” He hisses.
“You like that idea?” Her voice is slightly lower. “Being the first person to cum inside me?”
He squeezes a little harder, “Keep talking and I’m going to bust as soon as I get inside you.”
The sound of her giggling makes him open his eyes and he can’t help but smile at her. Smile at how she’s smiling at him. “That’s okay.” She mumbles, looping both her arms around his neck, dragging him a bit closer. “You can always make it up to me later.”
He stares at her in disbelief, because she wasn’t lying, her eyes shining with honesty. He dips his head down, kissing her deeply. Relishing in the way she moans into it and her nails lightly drag at the skin on the nape of his neck.
“No, this is our first time. I want it to be good for you too.”
“It would be Daniel. It’s you. You could do anything and it would be a good first time.”
Her belief in him and her ever shining honesty makes him kiss her again. “No, sweets.” He tells her when he pulls away. “I want you cumming around my cock before I finish. For me, to make it good for me.”
“Whatever you want.”
“Exactly.” He says a serious expression on his face before he breaks into a laugh, happy to hear her giggle along with him.
Her giggle turns to a gasp when his fingers that had been previously wrapped around the base of his cock swipe through her folds.
“Do you have any lube? You’re wet, sweets, but I want to make sure.”
She nods, stretching out to reach her left nightstand and opening the drawer and taking out a small bottle of lube. “You’ll have to get undressed first.” She tells him when he tries to reach for the bottle, but she keeps it away from him.
“Oh, I see. You just want me naked.”
She can’t help but laugh, nodding. “Daniel, you didn’t think that I was with you for anything other than your body, did you?”
His mouth falls open a bit at her cheek as he sits back on his haunches, a hand coming up over his heart. “Wow, sweets. That is just cruel. I mean, really. I give you an earth shattering orgasm.” She laughs a little harder at that and he can’t help but grin for a second. “And this is how you treat me.”
“Well, I don’t know about earth shattering.” She teases, but before he can say anything she’s quick to say. “But it was without a doubt the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”
“You’re a fucking menace, sweets.” He breathes after a moment, releasing the base of his cock once again.
“And you’re still not naked.”
The words and filled with want they are, make him flush.
Taking off his shirt, he can’t help but preen at how her eyes settle on his exposed abdomen. It’s awkward taking off his joggers and boxers while still being on the bed, all too aware of her eyes on him, but he manages without falling off or hitting himself or her. Pushing the clothes off the bed, he notices where her eyes are glued and can’t help but smirk, chest puffing out a little at her wide eyed expression and slight open mouth.
He knows he’s big, but not so much that it's ever hurt anyone. He’s just over eight inches hard and is thick enough that he fits comfortably in his hand, thumb only going over his fingers a bit when he holds himself.
Before he can say anything, tease her for staring, she’s reaching out for him with her hand not holding the lube and he goes. Settling between her legs in a different way than earlier. He kisses her next, soft and gentle, reassuring and all consuming.
“You still want to do this?” He murmurs when they break apart, eyes heavy and filled with lust.
“Yes.” The answer comes out a little breathless and so do the words that follow. “I want you, Danny.”
The next sound that fills the room is the snick of the lube opening, as Daniel puts some on his right pointer and middle finger, carefully rubbing them together to warm it before slipping his hand between their bodies and then her thighs.
Her thighs twitch a little at the first touch to her folds, before she spreads her thighs a little further apart. Moving his fingers a little further down, he feels her clench around nothing when he presses his finger against her hole. Not pushing in, just resting.
Leaning down he presses their lips together and when she opens her mouth a little to let his tongue slide against hers, he presses his finger inside. She’s warm and wet and tight. So fucking tight despite him eating her out not even ten minutes ago and the thought of her wrapped around his cock makes him groan into the kiss, pulling back so he can look down where he’s fingering her.
It’s beautiful watching his finger move in and out, curling it upwards slightly before pressing in another. Her thighs twitch at the second finger and his eyes flicker back up to her face. There’s no pain or discomfort, not even a hint that the stretch is too much, but the way her hands are curled up in the sheets like she doesn’t know if she can touch makes him frown. Wondering what exactly the guy or guys before him have done to her in bed that now that he’s fingering her, she thinks she can’t touch him.
“Baby,” the word falls out before he can think, making him blink because that’s never been a pet name he’s used.
He likes sweetheart, darling, sometimes honey, and with her he likes calling her sweets, my girl. But baby is a new one to roll off his tongue. He shakes the thought from his head, if he wanted to, he could think about it later, not now.
He spreads his fingers, scissoring them as he gets her ready for a third finger. “Touch me.”
“I,” she starts, but he curls his fingers upwards and she loses herself to the pleasure with a moan.
“Touch me, sweets. I want you to touch me.”
Daniel watches as her hands clench around the sheets before they release the fabric. One of her hands goes to his back and he has a fleeting thought of both of her hands on his back, clutching at him, nails digging in so deep that they leave scratches that bleed, but it disappears when her other hand rests on his cheek. Fingertips dancing over his cheekbone.
He smiles at her, kissing her hand at the same time he pushes in a third finger. She gasps, clenching around them, eyes tightening in the corners for a few seconds, before she relaxes again.
Now with three fingers, he moves so his thumb is gently rubbing at her clit, wanting to keep slick flowing and not knowing if just his fingers inside of her will do that. The stimulation earns him a sigh and a buck of her hips.
Moving his fingers inside of her, he spreads them a bit before pulling them out and back in. He continues to do that, repeating the same motions and watching as fingers disappear inside of her only to reappear with wetness spread all over them.
“Daniel,” she moans when he goes to push his fingers back in. “Please, I want you in me.”
“You don’t want to cum like this?” He rubs a circle on her clit, making her clench, but she shakes her head.
“Want you in me. Want to cum around you.”
He curses, mind scrambling as he pulls out his fingers, hand grappling in the sheets by her hip where there should be a condom, before his mind catches up, remembering that they decided not to use one.
He shuffles a little, before finally wrapping a hand around himself, guiding himself to her entrance before stopping. The tip just pressing against her as he leans down for a kiss. “I love you.” He murmurs.
She smiles, lashes fanning out beautifully as her eyes close for a second. “I love you too.”
Pressing against her, he sucks in a harsh breath as his head pops inside of her. Her walls clinging to it.
“Shit.” He breathes, hips stuttering as he pulls back and then forward, sinking himself a little further into her.
“Daniel.”
His eyes that he hadn’t even realized closed, open at the sound of his name. “You alright?” He asks, seeing her face twisted a little.
“Yeah.” She nods, hands clutching at his back, trying to draw him closer. “Bigger than your fingers.”
He huffs out a laugh, pushing in a bit more before finally removing his hand and framing her head with his forearms. “I’d say sorry.”
She shakes her head. “It’s okay. Good.” She murmurs.
He makes a humming noise, trying not to think about how he already feels good to her and he’s barely inside of her.
Daniel watches her face carefully as he slowly sinks more and more into her. Nearly grabbing the lube to pour some on himself at how tight she is, but her own hips are tilting upwards, trying to get him further in. And it’s a fucking fight to not just sink all the way. Feel her completely wrapped around him.
Another twist of her features has him pausing. “You alright?”
She nods, “yeah, just big.” Her hips twist a little to the right and the left as if trying to find a more comfortable position. And his eyes dart upwards to the pillows on his side of the bed.
Planting his left hand on the bed, he moves his right arm until his fingers curl around a pillow. “Lift your hips sweetheart.”
She does and he quickly stuffs it underneath her. Cursing himself that he hadn’t thought to do this earlier.
“Better?” He asks, seeing her face no longer twisted up and her hips bucking a little.
“Much.” And she lifts her head, pressing their lips together. “Thank you.”
He shakes his head, “this is supposed to be good for the both of us. I’m just doing my job, sweets.”
He starts to pull out, not expecting the way her nails dig into his back and the whine that comes from the back of her throat. It makes him throb, the arousal he had managed to push away coming to the forefront of his mind with vengeance.
“Dan,”
“I know.” He mutters, not sure if he actually does. But continues to pull out until just the head of his cock is inside of her. Walls clinging to it, almost like they’re trying to coax the rest of him back inside of her.
Pushing in again, he groans, head falling at the sound of her moaning.
He continues that. Pulling nearly all the way out before pushing back in, going a little further each time. Until finally he sinks all the way inside of her.
They’re both panting, chests and stomachs sticking together a little with sweat and as he kisses her forehead he can taste the sweat starting to gather there.
“You all good?” He asks after a moment, voice tight as he tries to not start thrusting.
“I think I hate your dick.”
His laugh immediately fills the room, though he stops quickly at the way it moves the two. “Already? Barely been in you?” He grins at her.
She pokes her bottom lip out more, enjoying how his eyes lock onto it. “Just not how I thought this would go.”
“You thought about this?” His voice lower, rougher and she can feel blood rush to her face.
“Yeah, I mean. Of course.”
“Hmm.” He rocks his hips a little enjoying the way her mouth falls open with a gasp. “How’d you think it would go?”
“Faster,” she gasps as he rolls his hips. “You wouldn’t have ate me out.”
He scoffs at the idea. “You’re lucky I didn’t spend more time there. Especially with how good you taste. Might end up living there, in between your thighs, mouth pressed against your cunt.”
She moans and clenches around him at the last word and his eyes shine with delight, grin turning dangerous.
“You like that, sweetheart?” He asks, starting to thrust. “Me talking about your cunt? How sweet it is? How wet and tight?”
“Yes.” The sound is a mix of a gasp and a moan. “Love hearing you.”
“Hearing me what?” He slows his thrusts to a filthy grind.
“Love hearing you,” she pauses to moan as he presses his lips to her neck, head tilting back to give him more space. “Love you talking about my cunt.”
He curses at the word coming from her lips, dick twitching, and he nips at her neck. “Filthy little thing. Wanting me to talk about your cunt.” He snaps his hips, earning a cry of pleasure from her.
“You like how my cock fills you up, stretching out your tight, hot, little cunt?”
“Yes!” Her hips try to press more into him and he curses, pressing all of his weight into his left forearm as his right goes to grasp at her hip, hand gripping it tight. “Fuck, Daniel.”
“Can feel you clench every time I say it. Practically strangling me.”
“Daniel!”
He can feel the coil in his stomach tightening and he stretches his hand out, thumb barely able to reach her clit where he starts to rub. Her eyes rolling back in her head at the sensation.
“Feel so fucking good around me.” He curses. “Best cunt I’ve ever been in.” And his hips stutter at the way she clenched around him.
“Please, Daniel.”
“What do you need?”
“I,” she’s cut off by a whine. “I don’t know.” And there’s tears in her eyes as she feels her orgasm so close but out of reach.
“Shh.” He soothes her, pressing down to kiss her. Loving how she sighs into him, mouth opening up for him. “Want me to pull out?”
Her fingers dig in deep and he hisses at the sting of them. “Okay, okay. You want me to go faster?”
“Yeah,” and her grip on his back loosens a bit. “Still want you to cum in me.”
He groans, hips picking up speed. “Alright. I can do that, baby.”
As his thrusts pick up pace, he presses his thumb a little harder against her clit, rubbing tight circles on the little bud, resulting in whimpers and moans of his name that make him groan.
It’s a never ending loop of pleasure that makes him feel dizzy.
“Daniel,” this whine is a little more high pitched and his eyes are immediately darting to her face. “I’m gonna cum.”
“Yeah?”
She nods, one of her hands moving from his sweat slicked back to his neck.
“Go ahead, baby. Cum for me. Cum around my cock.” He tells her.
And she does. Head going back as a beautiful sound leaves her mouth. Her whole body shaking around and under him. Her nails dig into the back of his neck and his back, legs tightening so much around his waist that he can’t thrust but merely grind in her.
It doesn’t matter though because the sound of her cumming, the feeling of it triggers his own orgasm, nearly taking him by surprise and the only thing that leaves his mouth is her name.
He barely manages to pull his hand out from between them, before just about collapsing on top of her, hips still pumping into her a bit as he milks the last of both their orgasms. She makes a slight noise at his weight resting on top of her, but then hums, fingers no longer digging into his skin but running over it with gentle barely there touches.
After a moment, he manages to brace his weight on his forearms again. “Was that alright?”
She nods, eyes closed and a blissful smile on her face. “Perfect.” She sighs. “It was perfect.”
He ducks his head down, unable to resist kissing her. “It’ll be better next time. I’ll try to prove I can last longer than this.”
Her eyes pop open, “longer?”
He hums a yes, an arm moving so his hand can gently pull her thigh away from where it’s hugging it’s waist and he presses a kiss to her leg when she lets it drop from him and then the other one. “Maybe not as long as I normally do or can last, but next time will definitely be longer than this.” He tells her as he carefully pulls out of her, rubbing at her thighs when she winces, before sitting on his haunches, her hands slipping away from his body at the movement.
“You’re going to kill me.” She whines, a hand going up to cover her face but he can’t reply not with what he’s looking at.
Her thighs are all spread apart, slick on the inside of them, and he can even feel it on his groin. Just knows that if he doesn’t take a shower tonight, he’ll regret it in the morning. But the real thing that’s got his attention is what’s in between her thighs. His soft dick giving a twitch and he knows if he was about ten years younger he’d already be hard again, but now it will take him at least another five minutes.
She’s all slick and shiny. Lips puffy and swollen and her clit is as well. But her hole is gaping slightly as cum, his cum, drips out of it. It makes him want to bury his head back inbetween her thighs, scoop up his cum with his tongue and fuck it back into her. The thought makes him swallow hard and shake his head. Fuck, he really was a dirty bastard.
It’s only as his dick gives another stirring interest that he forces his eyes away. “What did you say?” Daniel asks, only remembering him telling her that he’d last longer next time.
“You’re going to kill me.” She repeats, though it’s muffled by her hand.
He laughs, “what you’ve never had sex that lasted more than fifteen minutes before? Because trust me sweetheart, it gets good the longer you go.” He nearly winks but her widened eyes and suddenly tense body stops him.
“Oh my god.” She murmurs, hand falling away from her face. And suddenly she’s scrambling to sit up, hissing at the way muscles she’s never used before burn.
“What? What’s wrong?” He asks, reaching out to hold her, but she shakes her head, and his arms fall back to his sides and hurt filling him. She had never not let him touch her.
“I’m so sorry, Dan. I thought I’d mentioned it or brought it up. Whatever you want to call it.” She apologizes, tears starting to gather in her eyes.
“Sweetheart, it’s okay.” And he wants to reach out again, but doesn’t want to get rejected again, doesn’t know if he can handle it.
“It’s not.” She shakes her head and she regrets not letting him hold her. This would be much easier if he was holding her. “I’ve never, or I had never done this before.” She tells him, but he just looks at her confused and it makes her lips pressed together. “This was my first time.” The words come out a little quiet. “I hadn’t had sex before until now.” His face goes blank at her words and she can feel herself panic a little. “I’m sorry, Daniel. I thought I’d brought it up before. I was so sure I had, because we talk about everything. I don’t know why,” she stops herself with a groan running a hand over her face. “I’m sorry.” She says again, not knowing what to do or say.
Silence fills the room and her eyes fall onto her lap where her hands rest, fingers interlacing before separating and then repeating. Her heart sits a little heavy in her chest. She doesn’t think this will ruin her and Daniel or mark the end of them. But she does think that maybe it will fracture some of his trust in her.
So in her head, she doesn’t notice his arms moving until they’re wrapped around her and pulling her into his lap and she can’t help but make a face realizing that his cum is still trickling out of her and probably trickling onto him.
“Get out of your head, sweetheart.”
“Dan,” she starts, but he covers her mouth.
“No. Out of your head.” His voice is a little more stern, accent a little thicker and it makes her wriggle a little in his lap. “This doesn’t change anything. We do talk about everything, there’s no blame to be had for thinking we had talked about this when we hadn’t. Besides,” he swallows. “I think earlier you did mention it, but I thought you were talking about our first time, not both yours and our first time. But it’s okay. You know why?”
She shakes her head and he removes his hand from her mouth, looking into her eyes.
“Because I wouldn’t change a single thing about this night, other than the pillow. I should’ve had your hips propped up from the start.” She lets out a little laugh and he smiles. “But really. I made you cum around my tongue first, got you all relaxed for me. Didn’t half ass the fingering or just stuck it in you. So, I’ve got no problems with this being your first time and ours.”
“Really?”
“Really.” He then grins, a little smug. “Besides, I kind of like being the only person you’ll ever have sex with.”
She laughs, shaking her head. “You’re ridiculous.” But her smile turns soft and she brushes their lips together. “I like the thought of only having sex with you as well.”
“Good. Because it’s just you and me for the rest of our lives.”
She nods. “Just you and me.”
---
Tagging: @lpab @gemofthenight
#daniel ricciardo x reader#daniel ricciardo imagine#daniel ricciardo smut#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 smut#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 smut#listen please verse#holy fuck i can't believe first how long this is and i actually managed to finish writing this#hope y'all enjoy the filth that daniel made me write#my brain rot for that man is out of this world
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BTS fic recs: November 2023
I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹
❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell, so minors dni.❗
If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post to let them know that they’re appreciated 💜 And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂
BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (jjk)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | 💜 (*) | Dec (ksj)(kth) |
Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂, yandere = 😈, thriller/dark = 👻, personal favorites = 💯.
Namjoon
⭐Friend or Fuck by @joonsmagicshop [8K]
// knj x f.reader // f2l // 🥵
📝 A drunken night leads to a good morning.
🗨️ I really liked this 🥺 Namjoon was just so sweet, caring and gentle with OC. Really loved it 👏🏾 but why, oh why did Jungkook have to cockblock them 😂 I wanted the smut alright! The build up was so good, I was slightly frustrated with the ending 🙈 yes I’m a slut for smut okay 🙈 I’m hoping for a part two ✌🏾🙏🏾💜
⭐Emotions of the Soul 💯by @oddinary4bts [36.6K]
// knj x f.reader // idol!au, childhood/teenage lovers to s2l2l // 🥵🌩️🥰
📝 When Namjoon reappears in your life after thirteen years of absence, you find yourself unsure of what he means to you, and of what you mean to him. Anxiety reigns over you, but will it be enough to drag you away from Kim Namjoon?
🗨️ This is another masterpiece from Ella! She is incredible at writing idol!au’s that just feels so goddamn natural and real 👏 The way Namjoon is written is just perfection and OC with her struggles, and they are goddamn human, yes – and that’s one of the beautiful parts in it!!! 😭I also reminded me of my own teenage breakup (gosh I was stupid back then, but not because of the breakup lol 😂). Anyway, please go and read it! As with everything Ella write, this is another to add to my favorites 💜
Seokjin
Nothing this month 😞
Yoongi
⭐Workaholic 💯by @hobiwonder [10K]
// myg x f.reader // “‘strangers” to lovers (I don’t want to spoil!) // 🥵😂🥰
📝 Yoongi needs to relax and Hoseok has many tricks up his sleeve to make him. None of them Yoongi thought included hiring a hooker to pay him a visit one stormy night.
🗨️ Wow okay, this was so freaking great! Like, what??? Incredible! A masterpiece! I really really loved it 🥺 everything was so fucking good, their chemistry, the tense build up ugh, so fucking good! 💯 ✨
⭐Little bit of your Heart by @yoongiofmine [wordcount loading…]
// myg x f.reader, jjk x f.reader // exes!au, fwb!au // 🥵
📝 You had everything you could ever dream of; the career of your dreams as a music producer, the best friends you could ever wish for, and a exes-turned-friends-turned-fuck-buddies relationship with Min Yoongi. You knew you and Yoongi would never move past that and you were okay with it. Until a friend from your past comes back into your life, offering to give you everything you deserve, everything Yoongi couldn’t. Will Jungkook show you what you’ve been missing? Or will the new guy threaten Yoongi enough to do something about it?
🗨️ Yes here we go a new series from Ella! ✨ Yoongi already seems so done with Jungkook and they have barely spoken 😂 looking forward to how that develops 🤭
⭐What the Moon Saw + Stolen Tides 💯by @violetsiren90
// myg x f.reader // non-idol!au, f2l // 🥵🥰🌩️
📝 In the words of the great Stevie Nicks, "Time makes you bolder, even children get older, and I'm getting older too."
🗨️ This is just so fucking beautiful. Everything. About. It. Period. 😭 It is emotional, it is young love, and it is tender and loving - like, Yoongi is just so sweet. Their timing sucks, but thankfully Violet wrote a beautiful drabble to give the couple a lovely ending! 💜 Truly, please go read it, it is so good I was crying and felt so good after, it’s sweet – OKAY I’M SOFT I know.
Hoseok
⭐Flight 18 💯by @noona-la-la-la [9.5K]
// jhs x f. reader // flight!au, idol!au // 🥵😂
📝 Korean Air Flight 18 leaves daily from Los Angeles traveling to Seoul. You’ve taken this flight before, but this time you’ve got an irritating passenger in the neighboring seat. Little did you know that he would end up giving you the ride of your life.
🗨️ This was just really really amazing; utterly funny (like I was laughing at certain points), so much sexual tension that evolves into satisfying smut 😗
Jimin
⭐The Airport Couple: P[ass]anger from Hell + Drabble 💯by @dovechim & @jimlingss [8K]
// pjm x f.reader // e2l, frequent traveler jimin x tsa agent reader // 😂😂😂🥰
📝 As a TSA agent, you expect your job to be relatively easy, most passengers these days follow the rules to the T in order to avoid prolonging their custom checks. But not a certain Park Jimin, who seems to have a problem understanding what 100ml is, or the very simple fact that gadgets must be taken out of the bag, and bomb jokes are strictly off limits. Frequent traveller Park Jimin is your nemesis, but darn is he a cute one.
🗨️ This is just so fucking hilarious, don’t get me started. I laughed from beginning to end 😂 And it’s still as good as I remember, if not even better??? Like ✨ I’ve highlighted a few of my favorite parts from the fic. I don’t want to give too much away, but these lines are just so damn hilarious! Please go read it, it’s one of my faves 💯
⭐The Airport Couple: Park Jimin’s Cock[pit] 💯by @jimlingss & @dovechim [12K]
// pjm x f.reader // pilot!au, bf2l, coworkers!au // 😂🥰🥵
📝 Talk about Angry Birds, and most people would immediately think of the mobile game app. But within your circle of friends, it stands for something else. It’s synonymous with Park Jimin, one of the most talented pilots from your batch who also just happens to have anger issues, or in other words, air rage. He is your best friend, but when you get teamed up with him as his co-pilot, you can only pray that things don’t go south… literally.
🗨️ I remember reading this a few years ago, and I loved it then and I still do ✨ It is incredibly funny, has good banter and dialogue to match. The chemistry between reader and Jimin is just priceless, their friendship is just pure giggles 🥹 It’s also fluffy and will tug on your heartstrings in the best way possible. Just really, really good and definitely also one of my all-time favorites 💯💜
⭐Flowers & Sex by @7deadlysinsfics [4.5K]
// pjm x f.reader // fwb, f2l au, pwp // 🥰🥵🌩️
📝 You’re in need of a warm body and a good fuck. who better than your friend park jimin?
🗨️ Just really cute 🥺 Hoseok (readers ex in this) is a douche though, like why did she have to go back to him ugh 🥴 but I like how the story developed and reader realized her feelings after she took her ex back. Loved Jimin and how he gave her flowers 💐 he was so fucking cute 🥺🌸
⭐Heaven with You by @acc3ssdenied [4.7K]
// pjm x f.reader // friends to ??? // 🥵
📝 All good things happen after 2 am - at least, that was what you believed. Whoever thought it was a good idea for a group of twelve young adults to play drunk truth or dare obviously agreed with you.
🗨️ Oh this was some filthy smut 🥵 And that kiss with Taehyung was downright slutty – a really good pwp 🥵
⭐Have some Respect by @chim-chimmie [4.2K]
// pjm x f.reader // school/college!au, teacher!jimin // 🥵
📝 Your teacher Park Jimin has had enough of you disrespecting him, so he taught you a little lesson.
🗨️ Okay, okay, I know the teacher x student dynamic is a touchy subject, and not always well executed, but hear me out, alright. This was so freaking sinful, like my soul needs to take a shower now??? 🥵
⭐Rush by @bangtanfanfiction [4K]
// pjm x f.reader // idol!jimin // 🥵🥰
📝 After not seeing your boyfriend for several weeks, his latest performance definitely made something in you snap. And at a award show of all things.
🗨️ A good pwp with smut that is 🔥
⭐How Long? by @jiminniethemarshmallow [4K]
// pjm x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰
📝 No summary!
🗨️ I also remember reading this a few years ago and it’s still so fucking hot and filthy 🥵
⭐Turbulence by @yminie [9.3K]
// pjm x f.reader // flight!au // 🥵🥰
📝 On your first flight the cute boy next to you helps to sooth your nerves, and on the second flight he soothes something else.
🗨️ Gosh, I remember reading this a few years back and I’ve actually read it multiple times, it’s just so incredible 👏🏾 the smut is freaking hot, and Jimin is just 🤯 well, he’s being a sweet fluffball, but then a smexy God 🥵 like wtf! The duality is insane! One of my favorites and I’m looking forward to rereading part two ✨💜
⭐Accelerate by @yminie [8.9K]
// pjm x f.reader // flight!au // 🥵🥰
📝 Jimin comes to retrieve his jacket on the condition that you then accompany him for dinner, and you can bet he satiates every hunger.
🗨️ I haven’t re-read this yet – but I remember I loved it 💜(I’ll insert my rec here when I have read it again).
Taehyung
Nothing this month 😞
Jungkook
⭐Love à Trois [series; ongoing] by @letjungcoook7 [13.1K]
// jjk x f.reader x pjm // slice of life, f2l+s2l, roommates!au, college!au, love triangle // 🥵🌩️
📝 You and Jimin secretly have feelings for each other, you both realize your dream of studying at the same college and sharing an apartment, but when financial issues start to arise, you have to seek a third roommate. and guess who fate sends your way? Jungkook, the same guy who took your virginity back in high school.
🗨️ This is really good! There’s two chapters up so far and they are really good! It’s so interesting to see the love triangle unfold. Really enjoyed this 🌸 It’s just getting better and better ✨ I really loved the backstory of how both Jimin and OC realized they had feelings for each other 🥺 so good and really looking forward to the next chapter 😍
⭐Sweet Obsession by @letjungcoook7 [2.5K]
// jjk x f.reader // established relationship, plussize!reader // 🥵🥰
📝 When a coworker starts to show interest in you, your boyfriend becomes jealous.
🗨️ Whaaaaaaaat 🥹This was so incredibly sweet and tender! As a plus-sized curvy girl, this was such a good and lovely read 💖 Another banger from Lua💜
⭐The Wedding Planners 💯by @gukyi [28K]
// jjk x f.reader // e2l, wedding!au // 😂🥰🌩️🥵
📝 Jeon jungkook is three things: cocky, terrible, and your worst enemy. then your best friend hoseok gets engaged to the love of his life, and suddenly jeon jungkook is four things: cocky, terrible, your worst enemy, and the man you will be spending the next seven months with in order to plan your best friend’s wedding.
🗨️ I also remember reading this a few years ago and it was just a very funny and pleasant reread 💜 What I love about this is one, is definitely the slow-burn and the enemies to lovers aspect too. The banter between reader and Jungkook is just so priceless and reading how their relationship slowly unfolds and develops through the months of the wedding planning was just everything 💯 Hoseok and Yoongi’s personality in this also makes this fic truly amazing.
⭐Fragment of the Past (1)(2)(3) [series; completed] 💯by @ctrlsht [28.1K]
// jjk x f.reader // patient!jk x psychiatrist!reader // 🌩️😈👻🥵
📝 You are a well-known and respected psychiatrist and author. You start treating Jungkook, who suffers from PTSD after surviving an extremely traumatic incident. As you help him confront his traumatic past, he begins to act strangely, and you start uncovering something about him that will change everything.
🗨️ Another first for me, with the thriller vibes and damn it delivers on that! It’s really, really good 👏 Pacing is really good and how we see more and more of Jungkook’s disturbing traits is just brilliant ✨If you want my full review of it, you can find it here (it does contain spoilers though!). And I really think you shouldn’t spoil it! Just go read it if you’re into the darker stuff, because my heart was racing so damn fast! This is the best thriller yandere au I’ve read to date 💜
⭐Lost on You by @letjungcoook7 [2.1K]
// jjk x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵
📝 You're just so obsessed with your boyfriend. you would do anything for him.
🗨️ Ehm excuse me Lua, mirror sex???? 🥵 Fucking hell that was a hot one, like I almost feel like I need to take a shower 😂 another banger from you! And the dirty talking too, aish 🥵 💖
OMG November has truly been an exceptional month! There was my 30th birthday of course, and then I received so my love for my series ‘friendcation’ that I was crying with all the beautiful words and reviews I got 😭 I am so thankful for every one of you, whether you interact with my fic recs or my own – thank you! 💜
Borahae 💜
#bts fic recs#bts fic#bts fics#bts imagine#bts imagines#bts scenarios#jungkook x reader#yoongi smut#Yoongi x reader#bts smut#namjoon x reader#bts x reader#bts fanfiction#bts fanfic#bts fanfction#bts x reader smut#bts x you#bts x y/n#bts x oc#jimin x reader#pjm x reader#seokjin x reader#hoseok x reader#jjk x reader#knj x reader#jhs x reader#bangtan x reader#bangtan smut#bangtan fanfic
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TEENAGE ANGST — n. rk
synopsis: you’re suppose to spend yet another birthday alone wallowing in teenage angst, but someone steps in and breaks the cycle
tags: non!idol!riki x f!reader, comfort, angst (not too much i think), a bit of fluff, maybe coming of age
warnings: riki doesn’t appear until like 1/3 into the oneshot, NOT PROOFREAD!!! cursing, angst (i think), spelling and grammatical errors (i wrote tbis at 2am and finshed it at 3 leave me alone), lots and lots of mis-capitalisations, tense errors probably, teenage angst 😰 , let me know if there are any more
word count: 4.7k
published: 13 July
authors note: first writing piece on here, my birthday is on september 8th but i wrote this maybe back in may
You think as a teenager, the worst thing that could affect you was teenage angst. but for you, it would probably be the least of your problems. Instead wallowing like every other teenager before you, locked deep into their rooms never to see the sun until they were 20, you decide it’s better to fix your problem with a day out.
you’re going to be better than what the stereotype says. I mean who’s better at swimming in your own self pity than yourself of course. Even if your parents had decided that travelling abroad for months on end as a job was better than staying at home in the giant house they bought to live as a family, or leave a teenager alone instead of bringing her along, you won’t let it bother you like it did the previous years.
Although you couldn’t feel bad, your parents were dreaming big, even if you became merely a side thought in that dream. Any teenager would live blissfully with all the materials you had. It was truly a dream, but a dream can only become reality if you make it.
You’re not going to think so negatively and say that people around you would rather see you burn than to see you happy, even though that’s exactly what you’re saying.
You’re a kid with everything you want, but surrounded by other kids who are and have basically the same as you, only with parents in the picture, you’re at bare minimum on the grand scale of things.
To live your life with no one by your side, unless you count the people who dislike you at school, is harder than you think.
But you’ve lived your life like this far too long to complain, it’s been routine to be left alone. only now, the difference is that your birthday was today.
spending what most would say a precious day, in a house so hollow you’d think it was abandoned isn’t exactly ideal. Being alone could only add to your ever growing list of reasons to angst over. not even you, who seemed accustomed to this trend, would want to be reminded of how alone— lonely— you are.
so to attempt to turn a new leaf, you urge yourself to spend it differently, you told yourself. straying from your normally secretive emo self, you decide that traveling to the next suburb ,since you heard about a new promotion of the manga you liked being released in a cafe in said suburb, was a good way to ignore your ever piling problems of self-destructive tendencies.
but oh how the world is against you, even if it is your birthday.
The bus suddenly needs to take a detour to a different area you’re not too familiar with, then declares that the route must be canceled due to complications leaving you stranded in the middle of butt fuck nowhere. When checking your phone to find where you are, you see that you are not only an hour walk away from your house, but your phone is standing on its last legs with a messily 20%.
To test your limits further, the sky starts to cry the moment you’re just far enough from your house that running back would do more harm than good.
you quickly scope your area, finding that there are no parks in the vicinity to offer mercy from the rain, and the closest shelter is either 20 minutes forward to the bus stop or the array of trees planted along the side wall as decorations.
you way your options, and take the tree closest to you as refuge. you’re glad the area you’ve wandered to is littered with them, even better that they're thick enough to offer some kind of protection.
minutes passed and the rain hasn’t let up, going at the same harsh rate it has been going at for the past 10 minutes. your clothes, so obviously drenched, weighs you down causing your minimal moves to become sluggish (or maybe it’s the premonition of sickness approaching).
the trees hang low with despair, mimicking your very attitude. rain licks your face, and you can’t tell whether your tears finally made its greeting or it’s rain getting into your eyes.
you start to ponder whether running to the back home would be a better idea than your lovely tree, the idea of escaping your rain soaked clothes seeming like a dream as of right now, a dream escaping you the longer you wait.
you test your already bad luck, because god so obviously has a vendetta against you, deciding your next best option was to end your little escapade and head back home in the rain.
Barely ten minutes in, with wet sneakers splashing into deep puddles and your clothes glued to you like second skin, the rain starts to roar, angered by your decision apparently.
your vision can’t help but blur due to the heavy rain clouding your sight, and the hair that stubbornly sticks itself into your forehead and subsequently, your eyes. it’s hazy and you can barely make out the road in front of you, you’re glad the path ahead of you is empty and that you’ve arrived in a more familiar area.
I guess not even you can escape the clutches of teenage angst, slowing your strides and accepting your fate.
you think how stupid and cliche you look walking in the rain with a frown. Your feet dragging, now feeling the effects of almost an hour in the rain, and on your birthday of all days. The only thing to complete your look was loud sad emo music.
stopping in your tracks, letting the rain do what it wants, you begin to think back to what you must’ve done to anger god so much.
you shut your eyes for just a moment, to shield yourself from rain trying to attack your eyes, but the rain suddenly stops, or more accurately, something is blocking the rain from you. you begin to hear the pitter patter of rain against an umbrella and just for a moment, you think god has found pity in your wallow and granted you mercy. When opening your eyes, low and behold, a black umbrella meets your face.
oh and there’s Riki, or what he likes to be called, Niki, standing in front of you, holding the umbrella over your head acting as your current saviour.
so much for God's mercy.
If your day wasn’t already so bad, you’d say that seeing niki would be the worst part of your day. Unfortunately for you though, it was the best.
you and niki have never been on the same page, ever since he ‘accidentally’ bumped into you while you were in an empty hall. you had given him many chances to be nice to you, or atleast apologise, but as days passed from the first meeting, all you’ve received was strange stares you know all too well. When confronting him, all he could do is ignore you and or play dumb. This interaction had left a massive rift between the two of you, and being a not so popular kid in highschool compared to the ‘king of dance’ was not a good look.
“why are you trying to be a main character” is the last voice you want to hear from, especially on this joke of a birthday. you crane your neck slightly, meeting face to face with the face you hate (and hate to say is extremely easy on the eyes). “why are you trying to stop my main character moment” you shoot back with equally as much snark, but it comes off weak as you underestimated the sound of rain.
Niki looks down at you with the same glint in his eye you dislike, not because it was a judgmental one, but one of mystery because you can never guess what he’s thinking. “sorry sorry, should i let you get back to that” he removes the umbrella from above you but you make no attempt to stop him.
the rain embraces you once again, as harsh it was moments ago. you state a niki again, his dry figure under the comfort of his darken umbrella, staring at you who seemed to be physically separated from him.
talk about rift.
you’ve never noticed how far you were from niki, in a metaphorical sense. Niki had everything you had, and more. He had people to talk to, hang out with, care about and care for. He too, probably went through his fair share of teenage angst, but you think to yourself that this is the first (and only) win.
he sees this and halts his movement, examining your figure deeply. you seem tired. along with the wet suit you’re wearing, and unruly hair dripping at its tips, you look far different to how you present yourself at school. nonchalant and cool, an enigmatic girl who seems to always be out of everyone’s business but as of now, you look (in the nicest way possible) like a train wreck.
“Are you taking joy out of watching me wallow?” you scoff, staring at him with a distasteful eye, “i’m not a sadist” he jokes but he’s the only one who’s smiling.
he coughs to clear his throat, or maybe the awkward atmosphere, you’re too tired to care. you watch as he moves the umbrella back under you, “why are you standing in the rain anyways?” he questions.
“m trying to get home” you whisper loud enough to beat the rain, looking at Niki who’s features seem to fuzz up the more you blink.
“don’t you live 3 streets away?” he adds, you only nodding in response.
your movements are suddenly too sluggish to call lazy, the effects of an hour in the rain finally hitting you.
“aren’t your parents worried?”
probably
“my parents are overseas,” you mumble as he nods knowingly, having his fair shares of travelling parents, although he has his sisters to accompany him, “and i don’t feel like spending my day alone”
birthday
you think how this is the first real conversation you’ve had with niki, ever since your first encounter. Normally you’d stray away from him, so much as look in your direction, you’re off to avoid further conflict and instead plan a faux argument comeback for if the day ever arrives.
you rub your eye to rid the haze that had gotten worse, along with the bodily ache and pounding head.
niki notices, he always notices you. seeing you off in your own world from a distance.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his tone laced with concern, or at least that's what you think. He moves his hand to wipe some hair out of your face, attempting to help with your irritable eyes.
Despite the cold weather, you’re hot to the touch.
“oh shit, you’re burning up” he goes into mother mode as he touches your forehead, seeing as that’s what his sister and mother do when he has his own fever. you mumble an incoherent response, you’re not sure what you said either.
“I should get home then” you mumble, stepping away from safety and into the rain. He goes to stop you, but the moment you move you’re in shambles, collapsing into his arms like some damsel in distress.
oh fuck
…
sometimes you think to yourself, what did you do to end up here? and when i mean here, i don’t mean the literal sense, i mean the place you are in life, because for you, all you seem to do is piss of whoever’s writing your story, because why else would you be living such a shitty (but not enough to outwardly complain) life.
The second you wake up in bed was your first red flag. the sheets a bluish grey, far different from your own floral white ones. The bed is softer, and the quilt more warm, but that might just be from the sheer exhaustion you exhibited some time ago.
The next flag was the scary tall silhouette you see entering the room, holding what looks like a black plastic bag filled with various things.
riki looks much more intimidating when all you can make out is his outline.
the moment he turns around from shutting the door, he sees your eyes staring at him and the previous blank expression he wore changes into a face of concern.
“oh you’re awake” he scrambles words together as he stalks up to for bedside, placing the plastic bag beside him as he examines your condition like some kind of doctor.
“clearly” you croak, and you find out that your voice is extremely hoarse (and sore).
“try not to speak, i think you have a fever from standing under the rain” he deduces but you can’t help but scoff, “gee, who would’ve guessed”.
the sick you are even snarky than normal you.
Niki chuckles at your comment as he shuffles around the plastic bag for a bottle of water and what looks like painkillers.
you shift your head to watch him as he assorts the medicine and water onto the bedside table, pulling out a small mandarin to complete the collection.
“What's with the orange?” you whisper, trying to not use your voice too much, “vitamin c” he answers simply and you can’t help but laugh at him.
you manoeuvre into a sitting position to take what he’s giving you, ignoring the pain striking your head as you do so.
as you pop pills and chug water, you continue to scan the room. It's pretty boring, with a table with a few pieces of stationary, and a shelf with some personal touches.
Niki sees you’re so obviously inspecting the room, and coughs up an answer.
“oh umm- sorry. i didn’t know where you lived and you had passed out and i panicked and brought you to my house” he explains. that explains the strange surroundings. you’re in his room.
you think about how different his room is to what you originally assumed. no trophies, or obnoxious posters. a very standard and boring room for someone so rich.
his voice snaps you out of your thoughts, “i’ll leave you to rest” he starts to get up and you don’t know what has gotten over you, but the moment you see him shift away, you grasp his wrist urging his attention back on you.
he stares at you intently, as if he’d listen to the hours of silence you’d make if you chose to.
under his scrutinising gaze, you can’t help but avert your gaze. “I don't want to spend my birthday alone” you unconsciously mumble and you feel pathetic as you hear the words leave your mouth.
a raging silence fills the room, and your own anxiety gets the best of you as you loosen your grip around his wrist.
the moment he longer feels your fingers against him, he reaches for you back which surely catches your attention.
you never had a real interaction with the boy, especially due to the circumstances you (or him) were put through but your distaste for him wasn't baseless, even if your heart felt different.
Speaking about heart, it was pounding so loudly against your chest, you could’ve sworn Niki would dance to it.
“It's your birthday?” he’s grip on your hand is gentle, almost delicate as if you’d crack under the pressure of his touch. you nod softly, not facing him but you can tell what he’s thinking.
you probably seem more like a loser than you already are, you feel like that at least.
Riki nods his head, gently as to let your eyes follow enough not to be bothered by such movements. He repositions himself beside his own bed, hand still attached to yours.
you try everything in your power to ignore his riveting gaze, but the awkwardness is much louder than the silence itself.
you ponder to yourself, if this birthday was one of your best ones or the worse. you silently compare back to when you were six, and everyone and their friends were there. your parents seemed less concerned with otherworldly matters and you focused on nothing but the people around you.
That was the last time you felt noticed.
teenage angst must’ve hit you really early, huh?
then, back to just 14, where it was yet another year alone, with no one at school knowing who you are (yet because the moment you meet riki everything had a turn for the one worse), your parents at god knows where, living their best business lives, and this is your first time spending your birthday alone (first of a few).
you think how empty your house was, how dark and voided it felt, feeding into your ever growing reasons to angst.
and now you think of now, despite being ill with a rising fever, you don’t feel as bad as you did back then. you can’t tell if it’s just your delirious mind putting it’s fair share of delusional thoughts into you, or it’s just because you haven’t had company in so long. but the hand wrapped around yours, and the feeling of someone (even if it’s the ever so terrible niki) next you that made you smile.
“What are you smiling about? Are you going through shock?” niki’s voice is a mixture of playfulness and concern, because even if the chances of you suddenly falling into a seizure is low, it isn’t zero.
your eyes trail to him, but not to his eyes, you wouldn’t dare look straight at him.
“I thought it was going to be another bad birthday” you shrug, and you can’t for the life of you, wipe off your smile, not now because Riki finds it in himself to squeeze your hand.
you expect another remark, because that’s all your conversations seem to be (from the single one you’ve just had earlier) but nothing of the sort came, instead, from the corner of your eyes, you see him smile.
the nicest type of smile, with his boxy edges, and eyes squeezing softly.
if you weren’t looking at him before, you are now.
“I'm glad” that’s all he says, and your heart clenches at something that isn’t depression and anxiety.
The overwhelming feeling of awkwardness has long dissipated and has been replaced with something else.
something new.
you stare intently into his eyes, moreso, he does and you are compelled to look back. He's searching for something, in the darkness of the room it seems like.
you can barely make out his features, soft eyes, and sharp jaw. his hair perfectly framing his face, to much of your distaste, and is slightly damp probably from just getting back from wherever he went.
you wonder what’s going inside that head of his, while staring so intently at you, dissecting every little part of you. does he notice the droop of your eyes, how tired you look, how pale your skin has gotten from days locked in your room, how your cheeks never flushed with life yet was always plush to the touch (probably from all the instant food you’ve consumed)
does he notice the teenage angst you wallow in, him probably going through the same trivial problems as you.
“Sorry you have to spend your weekend with me” you whisper, thinking about all the other things the “king of dance” could be doing instead of nurturing you back to health.
He’d probably be out with heeseung or jake at the local gaming cafe, laughing and playing. He was probably on his way there if not for running into you.
you don’t break eye contact so you see how his eyes double in size, quick to shake his head, your own aching from following his movements. “hey don’t say that” he scolds you, taking his other hand to caress yours.
How intimate does he get?
your skin burns from his touch, and not because your fever is bordering on 39° C. Your eyes tear away, too much of your brains disliking because, even if you dislike him, he’s very nice to look at.
“no one deserves to spend their birthday alone” and he may be right, but your own angsty self could beg to differ.
because with the cards dealt to you, and the way you’ve treated the world (because how it treated you) there’s no doubt there’s a love hate (mostly hate) relationship going on between you and life.
“Even more, now that you’re sick” he adds on, rubbing circles to the back of your hand and you feel comfort for the first time in a while.
“i guess even someone who hates me can be nice, huh?” you didn't mean to say that out loud, but your quiet voice is too intertwined with your head voice, mixed with the fact that you’re terribly sick, couldn’t tell the difference.
he stares at you quizzingly, as if you’ve said something so utterly absurd it’s left him speechless.
“i don’t hate you”
those words catch you off guard. because the words “don't” and “hate” have never been uttered on the same line with “you” following after it.
you stay silent. it’s your birthday so of course he wouldn’t uprightly say it to your face.
“Do you hate me?”
he asks and you take a moment to ponder, about the strange stairs he’s given you, and the amount of times he’s ignored you piled with how everyone at school seems to stray away from you.
you only hate him because he hates you
“i only hated you because you hate me”
niki is left truly speechless (in a metaphorical sense), and his jaw is literally cracked wide.
“what?!? I don't hate you! god! i could never hate you”
like a cringey teenage cliche, you bite your lip holding back an unwanted grin.
“don’t say the lord's name in vain” you mutter to make light of the situation.
not having friends didn't mean you weren’t socially inept.
Your dry chuckle is the only sound left in the room, other than the pattering of rain. riki can’t help but frown at the news he just heard.
“i’ve never hated you, not for a second” he looks at you as if he’s trying to convince you, telling you that all your internalised monologues were for nothing, “i just thought… since you were so stand-off-ish, that you just didn't like me” you shrug, averting from his gaze.
words pour out of you like vomit and you can no longer keep up your enigmatic cool girl facade, not now that you’re sick.
“not many people like me, so i assume you hate me jusy as much, and well, if you hated me, i figured i should hate you back”
and you did, well you tried to at least. but in moments like these; where niki holds your hand as if you’re the only thing keeping him alive, where his eyes never leave your lips because he’s so set on remembering every little detail you say, afraid your words will be lost to tone. you can’t help but not hate him at all, noy one bit.
“how could i hate you when you’re just so perfect” he whispers, almost like a confession.
actually he did confess. to you. right now.
you owlishly blink, and suddenly think that your beating heart is more serious than your fever.
you try to snatch your hand away from him, in embarrassment of him feeling how hot you feel, with the tips of your ears flaming red.
with your averted gaze, it’s not like you can see that his neck has a creeping speck of hot red as well as his cheeks, ears, and everything on him.
He's so glad it’s dark right now.
“you can’t just say that, riki” it’s the first time you’ve said his name.
his name out of your mouth, your tongue, your lips.
He wants to hear it again.
“Why not?” he eggs, leaning closer despite the strange territory they’ve suddenly entered.
“Some people might get the wrong idea” and by some, you mean yourself because even with the minimal things you know about the boy next to you, your heart is fluttering like crazy it makes you want to vomit.
“But I'm not lying, you’re so perfect” Riki reiterates, “you’re so perfect, i’m afraid to even talk to you, or look at you, even be around you” he rambled at the amount of failed attempts to talk to you, caused by his shyness.
so… everytime you tried to talk to him, walked near him, caught him staring, it was all because of some silly crush?
and now you feel stupid, ontop of your crippling angst, you’ve failed at teenage romance.
letting out a frustrating sigh, so heavy you might even blow the poor boy away, you drop down ontop your back and whine.
he’s shocked for a moment, watching you wail with your hands covering your face.
he finds you so cute, his stomach might because an olympic gymnast at this point.
riki crawls closer to you, kneeling onto his knees as he gently pries your hand away from your face. “I feel so stupid” you can’t help but utter, eyes shut to avoid his eyes.
riki grins, leaning closer (not that you could see), “the smartest girl at school? Feeling stupid? That's a first” he jokes and you unintentionally snort out a laugh, “i’m not the smartest” you instantly shoot back, slowly opening your eyes.
“oh but you are, you’re smart, and beautiful, and mysterious and witty and-“ you rip your hand from his grip to cover his mouth, any more and your ego will start to inflate and be as big as Sunghoon’s. “aish, stop that
'' You laugh, and you can hear him giggling along.
“But why? can’t i tell the girl i like how amazingly perfect she is?”
the girl he likes…
the.
girl
he
likes
IS YOU?
“you like me…” you gape, maybe you are socially inept, or at least, romantically.
riki laughs, and a hearty one at that. the type of laugh that comes straight from the stomach. “how could anyone not?” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
like the teenage girl you are, you can’t help but feel bubbly and giddy, like the princess in some lame disney movie being swept off her feet by a guy who’s probably way too old for her (funny seeing that riki’s younger than you).
Then guilt hits you. as much as you want to revel in this blissful joy, you know nothing about riki, and you spent so long hating on him in your head to suddenly switch up.
“I know nothing about you though…” you break the news to him, “i mean, we technically just had our first real conversation”.
riki can’t help but smile, even if he’s just been indirectly rejected, your gentleness in letting him down makes him swoon even more.
“we can get to know each other then” he declares, smiling down at you.
“But are you willing to wait?” your eyes fill with anticipation, hoping for the best (it is your birthday after all), and wonder for the first time in forever, smiling from ear to ear.
“for you, i’d wait a thousand years”
if what he said before wasn't swoon worthy, this definitely was.
you feel like one of his silly fangirls that wait outside of class, giggling at his stupid smile but this time, you know you’re the cause of it.
“Are you going to start singing Christina Aguilera now?” you joke, giggling quietly to yourself. “I mean you should, since it’s my birthday after all” oh what a good birthday it was.
“anything for my birthday girl” Seeing your smile stretch for the first time, he hopes he’d be seeing that everyday in the near future.
Riki looks at you, for what feels like the millionth time. He really looks at you, like he did at school, like he did on the street in the rain, and like he does now.
and he thinks to himself:
yeah, I can definitely wait.
authors note pt.2: as you can see i write a lot for riki (my bias) mostly because i have so many wips that i s decided to release 🤭 might accept request who knows. also if you have any tips on how to write or do a layout please pm!!!!
#mandukkul#mandukkul’s aquarium#riki nishimura x reader#niki x reader#nishimura riki x reader#nishimura niki x reader#nishimura riki#enhypen niki#niki enhypen#enhypen#enhypen x reader#niki oneshot#enha niki#niki comfort#niki angst#niki fluff#niki enha#niki imagines#niki scenarios#niki#enhypen riki
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hi hi! i'm a very anxious person but when my friends need me? oh you best believe i will order for you and complain when you asked for no pickles.
do you think twisted anxiety reader would be the same? they struggle now to be of help to yuu and grim, but picture early book 6? grim attacked yuu and is gone for the week. yuu is strong yes, and it was only a scratch, but it must have taken a toll on them to be attacked by their best catfriend and then not being able to see them. they still go to class but they go home as soon as the bell rings and talks only when necessary. there's a vacant look in their eyes.
yuu is popular and is bound to have people going to them at all times, public they can't evade forever. while exiting the classroom, a random npc goes to chat with them and while yuu would humor them any other time, now they can barely pay attention to the corridor and reader. the npc is persistent on chatting even though yuu's body language tells them to fuck off. yuu does not utter a single word, and keeps walking with reader trailing behind them. would reader intervene for yuu?
(english is not my first language so sorry if it's hard to read :c )
HELLO MY LOVE 🫶
EVERY TIME SOME SAYS ENGLISH ISN'T THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE THEY ALWAYS CREATE BANGERS- AND I KNOW BANGERS MAN. AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM
but no you're so right. maybe the over blot's are starting to catch up with yuu. especially after grim accidentally hurting them and the whole styx drama. in the game we can't see if yuu is affected by any of the overblots. we don't see them get properly.. compensated. although vil and leona's are different since they helped out with ramshackle.
but 🌀 yuu is NOT having a great time. and only reader is there to witness it, to help them through it. like jekyll and hyde, yuu is all smiles and sunshine during the day when out and about. but as soon as they get home... once they step into ramshackle.. it's a different story.
they're feeling the angst, they're telling reader how sometimes they can't even look the over blotter's in the eyes sometimes. especially azul and leona because all yuu can see is their more animalistic eyes that serve as a reminder to what they really are.
how they sometimes flinch from their enemies, now friends. how they always keep their guard up around the beast folk who were involved with the overblots.
yuu is... angry. how dare these teenage boy's do this to them, how dare they pretend like nothing happened. but what makes this all worse is that they understand that pretending like nothing happened brings back a sense of control, of normalcy for the victims.
yes the whispers in the hall seem to dim, but never silence. but with the encouragement of Crowley they become more controlled, no longer hallway chatter as people are making light of the situation.
"say that one more time and I'll over blot" "uh oh! looks like Reese has some blot on his shirt!"
and it's always 'poor house wardens this, poor house wardens that-'
WHAT ABOUT YUU??? they're always- always at the brunt of the over blot's and they don't even have magic!!
some days, when yuu doesn't have enough energy to spare their other friends, they silently haunt reader. staying by their side like an otter, only breaking apart for the few classes they have apart. and as soon as the bell rings and reader is done gathering their belongs and making a beeline for the door- yuu is already there, waiting outside the door. a brief moment of eye contact before they fall in line with each other.
if grim is there and trying to bug yuu, reader is there to play buffer. trying to distract the cat-monster as yuu gives them a grateful glance. but if he isn't, then it's silence between you two.
I think the reader doesn't like silence because if they aren't talking to someone then their thoughts catch up to them. but if it's for yuu? what's a little suffering if it's for a friend right?
if some of the first years pop up and try to drag yuu away, yuu will usually be able to fight their own battles, giving them a charming smile and saying that they'll join them some other time. sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. and when it doesn't reader has to take a deep breathe, and force themselves out of their two-person bubble.
they'll either irish goodbye the the lot, playing the bad guy as they're seen stealing yuu away. or say some kind of comment to one of the more prideful members to get them to start a inter-group conflict while reader and yuu slip away. or just lie, lying's good too.
but 🌀 reader would do anything, for their friend's.
one time, I was at the gym with my sister and this guy came and asked if we were using the machine and turned that into trying to hit on my sister- LITERALLY ENCAGING HER AGAINST THE WALL AND 2 MACHINES. and I humored it for the rest of my set because I know she can take care of herself, but when nothing was working I pulled my phone out uttering some bullshit that we needed to leave now. ofc she didn't even realize I was lying until I told her. but you'd be surprised how many guys can't. get. a. hint.
so reader saving the day from yuu getting hit on by an npc, or one whose yapping so much they don't even realize yuu is inching away is a common occurrence. with a quick '1,2,3 fuck it,' reader is rolling up their sleeves, marching over while creating a fake text from the ghosts and- "yuu we gotta go! grim has destroyed the curtains again!" and with a tug of their arm reader is dragging yuu away.
and- god forbid the npc follows, saying that they weren't done... is when reader becomes 'uncharacteristically' snippy. "unless you want to help clean cat vomit from the curtains, you're welcome to join us" you see a dust cloud in his place from how fast he ran.
yuu lets out a chuckle, looping their arm around yours as they lean their head on your shoulder. a small 'thanks' as they make their way back to good ol' ramshackle.
(there have been a few cases where the npc does offer to help. but yuu pulls out a smile and says 'next time')
#I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE CAN'T TAKE A HINT#chuu <3#twisted anxiety 🌀#tiyoin’s cuties 。 ඞ 。#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland x reader
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Wicked Fantasies Part 6 (MBJ x OC)
Warnings: Look… its literally just angst lol you're gonna feel things! Don't say I didn't warn you. NSFW
A/N: This is like 2 weeks later than I promised (SO sorry, y'all!) but I hope you enjoy!
***
“This isn’t so bad,” Michael argued. “She’s just complaining that she hasn’t met me yet and some other shit that isn’t even true. Why’s that a problem?”
Alex shook her head as she scrolled on her phone. Her eyes did not even leave her phone screen as she spoke, her nails furiously tapping across the glass screen. “It’s not what she said that’s the problem. It’s that she’s talking at all… the only things I want to see in the media about the two of you are cute photos from date night, not tell alls from family members. Does she know about your… previous career?”
This was the first time his manager had even directed a question at Raven, who had sat silently since they arrived. She was so angry that she could not even revel in the fact that she was at Michael’s house for the first time, not regulated to her usual place in his bachelor pad. She thought being invited to this intimate part of his life would make her happier. But instead of feeling joy and welcomed, she merely felt like a burden. She was only there out of necessity to fix the crisis her own sister created.
This is why you can never be more, she reminded herself. Paris had started to rip out the weeds of doubt that grew in her soul, siphoning away the power of the notion that they could not be more. It had made her fall deeper in love with him, made her seriously ponder whether his feelings for her stretched into deeper territory.. But this? This reminded her of a sickening fact.
No matter how many trips he charted for her, gifts he showered her with, or kindness he showed, she did not belong here with him in the real world. It was as if every intimate detail of his home and his real life that she saw screamed at her that she was out of place, punching above her weight, and needed to return to where she belonged: the outskirts of his life in the condo where he took one-night stands and flings that meant nothing once the sun rose. Because as soon as their arrangement was done, she would be nothing to him again. And while Paris had made her feel like she could still win in the ring, now she felt as if she was merely being punched right back down where she belonged.
“No. Well… she doesn’t know about the prostitution. But… I always thought she figured out I was a stripper somehow.”
Alex, who previously had been engrossed in her phone, lifted her head in surprise. “You were a stripper too? Would’ve been nice to know before now,” she muttered under her breath.
Raven’s long stiletto nails bit into the palm of her hand as she tried not to let one comment push her right off the cliff she was teetering on. She knew Alex was not intending to be judgmental but that did not stop her from feeling the sting of it. Every choice she made in her life since the moment she came into the world seemed to be a bad one for everyone else. She could not do anything right.
“I was a 19 year old with no skills who needed to pay for college. I wasn’t facing a fucking mountain of options. So I did the best I could with a shitty situation... Sorry my choices as a desperate teenager are making your job so difficult,” Raven snapped.
“I didn’t me-”
“Alex.” Michael’s stern voice cut through the budding tension, stealing the words right out of Alex’s mouth. Michael’s dominance and power seemed to have an effect on everyone, though Raven suspected it was because he was not the type to abuse it. Alex immediately let the rest of her sentence fade away, opting to apologize instead.
Michael’s eyes had not left Raven’s body since they got in the car. He hated how her eyes actively avoided him, he had been unable to look in her beautiful brown eyes for over an hour and that killed him. They were the most expressive part of her, windows into her soul and every feeling she had. She shied away from his comforting touch in the car so he kept his distance but even still, he could see how her entire frame trembled ever so slightly. Her furrowed brow… her silence. God, her silence was so deafeningly loud in his ears. He was not used to it. Even if it was awkward ramblings, she was rarely silent with him. This was a side of her he had never seen. It was not sadness or resignation, he had seen both of those, and she seemed to be able to push through those just fine. No, this was something else and it was red hot and all consuming to the point where he could tell she could not hide it. It was a far cry from the woman who was sound asleep on his shoulder on the plane two hours prior.
“I’m sorry,” Alex raised her hands. “I’m sorry. I’d never judge anyone for doing what they need to. I just need to know what else your sister could say.”
“She has no proof… just speculation. But that’s it. She doesn’t know anything about my life now… we aren’t close.”
At first, she had immediately handed Alex back her phone, uninterested in reading whatever lies her sister decided to spew. However, when Michael summarized it for her, the notions in it were so absurd, she had to read them for herself. She instantly wished she had not.
It was as dramatic as it was false, her sister complaining about how Raven had changed and alienated her own family since her romance with the superstar had begun. She spun a web of tall tales about how Raven never spoke to them anymore, how close they once were and how much the family missed her, how Raven had told them Michael was too busy to meet them. By the time Raven got to the end of the article, she was shaking.
She supposed the silver lining was that the article was more of a personal attack on her character than their relationship, which she was used to from her sister. She just had not expected her sister to drag it into the public eye like this. And while reading her words agitated some of her deepest wounds, they fueled more anger in her than any other emotion. Anger was not an emotion Raven often felt where her family was concerned. Slight frustration, sadness, hurt, guilt? She felt all of those often but she was used to it and often brushed them off. But true anger? That was rare, or rather, it was rare that she let herself feel true anger. And now, it hit her as high, powerful waves crashing against her shores.
“So she’s just lookin’ for her 15 minutes. Fine. But she can’t say anything else, this’s gotta be it.”
“Who cares if she mouths off to the media?” Michael asked. He knew why Alex cared and why he should care. But at that moment, all he could actually care about was minimizing this for Raven’s sake. He knew her well enough to know that the only person she would blame for this was herself, not her idiot sister. And it seemed to him that she blamed herself for far too much where her family was concerned. He did not want to add another unnecessary thing to that list. Nor did he want her to feel the burden of this because she was quite the opposite of a burden to him and he would clean up 100 PR nightmares for her without a second thought. They had taken 10 steps forward in Paris, walls came crumbling down for both of them. If he did not fix this fast, Raven would retreat 15 steps back from him and he could not take that.
“That’s not the point! She’s smoke and TMZ knows where there’s smoke, there’s a fuckin’ fire. And y’all two and this whole situation is a damn forest fire. We don’t need TMZ or a fuckin’ Inspector Gadget head ass Tik Toker to look into Raven’s life or past anymore than they already have. So you need to shut her up now. Is she a fan of his or somethin?”
Raven scoffed. “If wanting to add him to her list of fuck buddies means she’s a fan then sure… she’s a fan.” Her anger meant she could not hide the bitterness in her voice, could not pretend to have a kind word to say about her sister who seemed to take joy in going out of her way to ruin all the good things in her life.
“Well, that shit definitely ain’t happenin’,” Michael stated with a growl.
“I mean, no nigga, I wasn’t gonna suggest you fuck her sister.” Alex rolled her eyes.
“Maybe we s-should just end this. I’m causing more problems than I’m fixing.” Raven’s voice was so quiet, Michael almost did not hear her. It hurt her heart to even consider it but Paris had rubbed her raw, left her and her emotions exposed in ways she had not experienced in a long time. And she had not minded that at first, she savored the closeness and vulnerability with another person. But now, all of her emotions felt dialed up by ten in that vulnerability and that overwhelmed her. She was overwhelmed by the rage she felt at her family for trying to use Michael the way they used her. She thought she couldn’t ruin him but she felt as if she already was. “I’m r-ruining everything…”
Michael’s heart stopped, his head shaking vehemently before any words could even escape his lips. “What? No… why would we do that?”
Raven’s head fell into her hands as she let out a frustrated and strangled sigh that sounded like a sob.
“Ok, let’s all take a breath. I’m sorry, I probably made this seem like a bigger deal than it is. We don’t need to stop or end it if you aren’t ready to. This is still a good plan, no one is ruining anything. We can fix this. We just need to give her what she wants. If you just meet her, take a picture with her, get her tickets to a high profile event or party or whatever she wants, then maybe she’ll settle down and keep her mouth shut.”
“She won’t,” Raven mumbled to no one in particular.
“Everyone has a price and we just need to find hers,” Alex continued texting on her phone.
“She won’t because she’s an attention seeking bitch. She’s never had a real job or ambition or anything going for her and just takes and takes and takes from everyone with no thought. I can give her the fucking world and she’ll come back with her hand still out!” Raven exploded, jumping up from her seat as the words escaped her lips before she could even hope to stop them. She buried her face in her hands and turned away from both of them as she heard them in the space, instantly regretting them. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Michael sighed and gestured toward the door, Alex walking out of the room with him. He closed the door behind them.
“So I take it there’s some bad blood there?” Alex asked as she leaned on the door.
“Lots of it. You know how family shit is… lots of heavy ass baggage there. Let me talk to her and I’ll call you tonight with a game plan. I think she just feels betrayed and upset and needs to process all that.”
“Understood,” Alex raised her hands in surrender. “Take your time, give her what she needs. Sorry this had to happen as soon as you came back. She seemed really happy when y’all got off the plane, I didn’t mean to ruin it.”
Michael shook his head. “Doing your job isn’t ruining anything. But my guess is the timing of this, on her sister’s part, wasn’t random. Sucks too… the past week was the most relaxed I’ve ever seen her, first time she seemed actually happy.” Michael stared through the glass panels of his office door to watch her. He could see the tension in her shoulders from all the way over here, could tell they were shaking slightly from silent tears.
He turned away to look back at Alex whose eyes were big with shock.
“What?”
“You’re in love with her.”
“Alexxxx…” he dragged out her name, his manager scoffing and dragging him by the arm further away from the door.
“Don’t insult my intelligence, Bakari. I’ve run a couple PR relationships in my time and most fail miserably. Been trying to figure out why this one seems to be working so well… I knew it wasn’t cause you’re that good of an actor, no shade. It’s because you… Michael Bakari Jordan love her. You’re not having to play for the cameras because you’re actually in love with her. Look me in my eyes and tell me I’m wrong.”
Michael sucked his teeth. “I love her.” He admitted. “And I know what you’re gonna say… it can’t work and it’s stupid and I’ll need to end it like we always planned. I know, I got it.”
He started to move past her when her hand grabbed his bicep to stop him.
“I was actually gonna say that I’m happy for you. Been waiting for you to wise up and find someone for real. If she’s what you want, I support it and you 100%. And we can figure out how to spin it.” She jerked her head back toward the office. “Go take care of your girl. Call
me later.”
They shared a hug before Michael disappeared back into the office. Raven sniffled and quickly wiped her tears away before standing up and walking over to him. She tried to put a positive look on her face and tone in her voice as she spoke.
“I’m sorry… that outburst was m-mean and totally unnecessary. And not helpful. She’s right, we need a game plan and everything. Where’s Alex? I want to apologize and then I can fix this.”
He perched on the edge and widened his stance so he could pull her in between his legs. His arm wrapped around her waist as he pulled her into his chest. He did not like how she braced her forearms against his chest to avoid fully melting into his embrace.
“I don’t need you to do anything and Alex doesn’t need an apology. She’s fine. I care more about whether you’re good or not. You’re upset.”
She shook her head. “I’m not upset.”
Michael raised an eyebrow. “You just called your sister an attention seeking bitch. Ain’t gon’ hear an argument from me but that’s not like you. You’re pissed, rightfully so. Tell me why though, don’t bottle that shit up.”
Raven stared at him for a moment, her mouth opening and closing a couple times as she tried to find the words to tell him. Tell him that she was near out of relentless hope and optimism, that a not-so-small part of her hated her sister and wished she never had to see her again, that she wanted to cut her and her dad out of her life completely but she wasn’t brave enough to be truly alone so she couldn’t, that a bigger part of her wanted to call TMZ and tell them all about how horrible her family has been to her her entire life, that it cut deeper than she imagined it would to read her sister describe a relationship between them that had always been her dream but she actively denied her. She wanted to tell him that she was tired, that she felt guilty and ashamed for dragging him into this mess, that she didn’t deserve his care and kindness because all she had done was ruin his life.
It was all too much, the avalanche of emotions she felt picked up speed and power with every moment she stood in his presence. And she needed it to stop, needed to throw up some type of blockade so she was not run over and drowned by it. She needed walls again, barriers. And the only way she could think to recreate those was to put both physical and emotional distance between herself and the man in front of her. He was the only person who forced her to exist in her vulnerability, to feel everything and not shy away from it. But that was dangerous. She was not built for it. Once the avalanche hit, she knew she would not get back up. So, she had to get out.
So she did the only thing she could think of, she threw up the walls of a working girl. She knew they would not hold for long, not with his persistence, but they would hold long enough for her to reign it all in again. Long enough for her to lock her feelings back up in their cage where they belonged.
“I’m not angry.” Her tone left no room for argument as she pried herself out of his embrace and walked back to the couch to grab her bag off the floor. “I’m not angry. Kiara’s not a… bad person. She’s just… Kiara’s the Sun and I imagine the Sun would be upset if Pluto tried to steal its spotlight too. She’s the center of my family’s world and she hates it when it seems like I’m trying to take that away. It’s fine. I’ll give her whatever she needs to feel like the Sun again and that I humbled myself back to my position as Pluto. Everyone wins.” She said it in such a matter-of-fact way that, if he didn’t know her, he would have missed the bitterness in her words.
“You don’t need to pretend with me, Rae. You can be upset.”
“Nothing to be upset about. This is just how it is… I’m used to it. She wants something and she knows I’m gonna give it to her. I’ll call her and figure out what she wants and we’ll fix this.”
She started to fiddle on her phone before Michael pried it out of her hand and threw it on his desk.
“I don’t give a fuck about what your sister wants right now… I care about what you need.”
“I don’t really need anything from you or anyone else right now.” Her words clipped and colder than Michael had ever heard her before. “Least of all a damn therapist.”
Her heart broke at the hurt that flashed across his eyes but she decided that was fine. She needed distance and however she achieved that, even if it was by pushing him away, it would work for her. However, before he could respond, her phone started to buzz loudly on the desk.
“Speak of the devil.” Michael handed Raven her phone back, her sister’s name popping up across the screen.
“Hey Kiara.” She put the phone on speaker phone so Michael could hear.
“I’m surprised you didn’t call me all day, I know you saw the article.”
Raven and Michael shared a knowing glance that made Michael’s blood boil. She had done this just to outshine Raven who had been in the media and tabloids multiple times in the last week from their trip. Michael had guessed that but knowing her sister went to such lengths to diminish her sister bothered him far more than he could describe. Was there no one in his girl’s life that allowed her to shine?
“Yea I saw it. I’m sure you also saw that Michael and I weren’t in the country. We just saw it when we landed about an hour ago.”
“Yea I saw you both... Why didn’t you invite me??”
Raven let out a small huff. “Do you even have a passport?”
“No… but I could’ve gotten one. it's not fair that you get to go while I’m stuck here. And with my favorite actor. All my friends sending me clips of your stories and pictures and shit. And I didn’t even know you were gonna be there. And I had to lie and tell them that you invited me but I couldn’t go. You don’t include me in shit and you keep makin’ me look fuckin’ stupid. You probably didn’t think about me once!”
“I mean no, you weren’t the first thing that came to mind when my boyfriend invited me on a trip to Paris. I’m allowed to have and enjoy experiences on my own. Also no one forced you to lie, who would have expected you to be invited on a trip with me and my boyfriend?”
She heard Kiara scoff on the other side of the phone. “‘My boyfriend,’” she mimicked back. “You better enjoy this lil 15 minutes of fame you’re getting from him cause it won’t last. Ain’t like you’re worth his time. He’ll wise up, realize he needs a real woman, a girl like me.”
“Did you want something?” Raven interrupted, turning her head from Michael so he could not see just how deeply her words cut. She would never argue that she was good enough for the man sitting next to her but hearing someone else validate those insecurities hurt.. Her sister certainly knew which wounds to cut into. “Or was your tell all just to ruin my trip?”
“Oh well… None of this would’ve happened if you had gotten me even one of the things I asked for weeks ago. Like damn, I know he’s busy but he don’t even have a real job. He could come out and met me when I asked.”
Michael’s face twisted up in a look of faux offense that would have been a perfect gif, which made the edges of Raven’s lips curl into a small smile as she stifled her laugh. How did he manage to make her smile even when she felt utterly incapable of the action?
“Acting is a real job, Kiara. And I invited you all here to meet him. But no, I wasn’t gonna ask him to get you a Birkin, I don’t even have a Birkin.”
Michael resisted the urge to cut in and ask her if she wanted one. Because he could easily have one at the house by sunset if she did.
“Dad and I can’t afford to jet set out to LA… the hotels, the food, all that shit. We’re barely getting by as it is.”
Raven rolled her eyes. “Barely getting by” when they both worked and Raven often paid most of the major bills.
As she was talking, Michael gestured for her to mute the phone. “Tell her I’ll pay for the flights and invite them to Thanksgiving.” At Raven’s wary face, Michael just nodded. “Just trust me.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize the price of the flights was the issue. H-how about we pay for the flights and your hotel and… you could come for Thanksgiving this year? Michael’s family are great cooks so it’ll be nice. And you can meet him?”
“Really?? Thanksgiving at Michael’s house?”
“Yea,” the words were almost painful to get out. Part of her wanted to believe this could be a good thing but the more logical part knew that it would not soften anything between all of them. After all, they were not coming to see her, they were coming to gawk at Michael. “But you can’t talk to the media anymore, Kiara. Seriously, you can meet him and everything but you can’t go give a tell all to TMZ or Page Six or any of them anymore. Understand?”
“Fineeeee. No more media. I’ll tell dad. Send me the flight and hotel information. Make sure to put us up somewhere nice… you know like the Ritz or a five-star hotel. And can you have a car for us while we’re there? We’re gonna wanna sightsee and everything.”
“Of course,” she muttered through gritted teeth.
“Ok. See you then, bye.”
Raven clenched her phone in her hand, resisting the urge to chuck it across the room.
“Damn, sis’s got expensive taste,” Michael muttered.
Raven’s laugh was cold and humorless. “It’s easy to have expensive taste when it’s not your money. You sure about this? Thanksgiving? Here?”
“What? Thanksgiving is the time people spend with family. We can get a nice group shot and they can feel included. And I’ll get her somethin’ expensive and nice… nothin’ crazy. That’s all she seems to want anyway. Hearing how she talks to you… I don’t want ‘em here anymore than you do but this is the best solution. You had plans or somethin’?”
“No, no… I just didn’t… I didn’t even know I was invited to the Jordan Family Thanksgiving dinner,” she chuckled, pulling at the sleeve of her jacket awkwardly.
Michael’s face twisted up in confusion. “Of course you’re invited. Moms would kill me if I didn’t. But yea I guess I should’ve asked if you had plans first. What do you usually do?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing. I order Chinese and I pick a marathon of movies to watch in bed. Same with Christmas except I usually pick a new recipe to try and I always watch the Grinch,” she chuckled.
“You spend Thanksgiving and Christmas alone?”
She shrugged and gestured toward her phone. “If you had to pick between alone and that, which would you choose?” At his silence, she nodded. “Exactly. They never want to see me anyway so I make it easy on everyone.”
“Well, this year’s gonna be different.”
Raven scoffed. “How so?”
Michael closed the distance between them and rested his hands on her hips. “Well, one, you’ll have me, which means your family will be on their best behavior. If they aren’t, two, you have me and my family as a buffer. And three, you have me… and I ain’t gon’ tolerate disrespect like that in my house. You say the word and dinner’s over.”
“You can’t kick people out of your house for me,” she whispered, her eyes avoiding the intense stare in his.
“Who says I can’t? Thought I’d made that clear by now that I’d do anything for you. And when you’re with me, I’m not just gon’ protect you physically… all of you is safe with me.”
Those walls she threw up? Already starting to crash down around her. Why does he do this to me?? And why can’t I resist it? She thought to herself as she looked at him.
“Thank you. But hopefully, they’ll be on their best behavior and then who knows, maybe they’ll see your family and want to turn a new leaf? This could be good?” In her heart, she knew that would not be how this particular story played out but she had to try… had to hope and dream that it could be different. She studied him for a sign that he agreed, and believed her. But he offered her nothing but a peck on the forehead.
“Yea, maybe.”
They stood there for a moment before Raven felt the overwhelming urge to run again. She hated this feeling… the contrasting emotions of wanting to melt into him and run from him at full speed.
“D-do you think Allen would mind taking me home?”
“I thought you were gonna stay with me tonight?”
“Yea but I thought we were going to the condo… you want me to stay the night… here?”
“I just thought after last week…” he stopped himself. “Here is just more comfortable than the condo. Besides, ma asked if you could stay for dinner so she can meet you. Wouldn’t want to disappoint her, would you?” At her continued expression of speculation, Michael added. “She also has been buggin’ the hell outta me to meet you so honestly, you’d be savin’ my ass.”
Raven smiled and nodded. There was not anything but wallowing and frustration waiting for her back at her own apartment. And she had loved falling asleep in Michael’s arms during the last week. She was not ready to fall asleep alone again.
“Just remember that next time you’re punishing me,” she winked at him.
“Deal.”
***
“Bakari!” Donna called over to Michael who was standing outside with his dad overseeing the fried turkey for dinner.
“What’s up, ma?” He jogged over to her as she continued moving around the kitchen. Michael had offered, as he did every year, to have dinner catered but his mother could not dream of not cooking Thanksgiving dinner with her own two hands. Michael never pressed too hard though because he knew no caterer would ever beat his mom and dad’s cooking.
“I think a certain girl needs your attention more than your father and that turkey,” she gestured toward Raven whose hands were filled with neatly folded napkins as she sat each one on each place setting around their giant farm style table.
Michael’s eyes scanned over her body. He could see the tension in her shoulders but she had been tense since they woke up that morning. She had also been quiet all day, simply getting up and heading down to the kitchen to assist his mother. While she was more than happy for the help and it gave the two a chance to chat and bond, Michael knew Raven’s motives were not completely altruistic. She needed the distraction.
“She’s setting the table, what’s wrong?”
His mother lowered her voice. “She’s set and reset that table 5 times now in between asking me if I need help 100 times and apologizing for her family being late.” She gestured toward the pitcher which held a fall sangria for dinner. “Poor girl’s been on her feet helpin’ me all day and she’s a dream but she needs to relax. Pour her a drink, get her outta my kitchen, and make her sit down till dinner, please?”
“Yes ma’am.” He kissed his mom on the cheek before quickly grabbing a glass and pouring a tall drink before walking over to her.
“I think those napkins will be fine wherever you put them, baby girl,” he whispered in her ear, causing Raven to jump slightly.
She clutched her chest, glancing down at the table setting and set of napkins in her hand. “Sorry… was in my own head. Something about it still doesn’t look right still,” she whispered as she started to rearrange the setting in front of her again.
Michael eyed her for a moment before grabbing the things out of her hand and setting them down. He called for his sister to take over setting the table before grabbing Raven’s hand and pulling her behind him into his bedroom upstairs. He closed the door and handed her the glass.
“Drink.” He instructed.
Raven took a sip before lowering the glass again to hand back to him.
“Nope, drink the whole thing and then tell me why you’re so scared.���
“I’m not scared.”
“Yea you are. Tell me why.” Michael wasn’t dumb. Raven had been off since her family landed in LA, more tense, quieter and not herself. He wished he could get the version of her from Paris back but that woman was buried deep beneath the seemingly never-ending bull her family put her through.
Raven took another big gulp of the drink before sitting on the edge of Michael’s bed, her dress riding up her bare thighs slightly. His eyes sparked with lust but he tempered himself. That was not the point of bringing her up here.
“I’m not… scared. That’s not what it is. I just… Well, first, I’m frustrated because they’re late. I explicitly told them 2 so they could meet everyone and chat and mingle and it’s almost 4. I spent over an hour on that damn charcuterie board. And they haven’t called me or texted or anything. And now your mom probably thinks I was raised by inconsiderate ass wolves.”
“Rae, my mom doesn’t care in the slightest. Food wasn’t gonna be done at 2 anyway so they haven’t missed anything or messed up anything. And you know that. So what’s really bothering you? We aren’t leaving this room til you tell me.”
She sucked her teeth in annoyance before sighing. She knew he would make good on his promise not to let her leave until she was honest.
“I’ve lived in LA for years. Did my masters out here, became a published author here, built a life here and you know how many times I’ve asked them to visit? And the first time they come, it's not even to see me. It’s to meet you. They’ve been in LA for 3 whole days… you know they haven’t made an effort to see me once? Never mind the fact that every restaurant they have a reservation to, we booked. Every excursion, you booked and paid for. And it shouldn’t bother me,” she whispered, throwing the entire drink back before wiping the corner of her lips. “It shouldn’t… bother me. Usually it doesn’t bother me. After all, this’s been it, my whole life. But since I met your family… I see how you are with them a-and I spend time with you all and it’s like breathing in rare fresh air? A-and I dunno, it just… the polluted air is a lot harder to breathe in than it used to be.”
Since they returned from Paris, Raven had become a staple in the Jordan household. They still returned to the condo some nights after dates as it was often easier than getting back to his mansion in the hills. Raven had fallen in love with Michael’s family and it seemed his family had taken quite a liking to her as well. His nephew loved to have Raven read to him as she did the best silly voices, and she, his mom, and sister had already gone out without Michael for manis, pedis, and dinner - with his card, of course.
Raven would never forget their first dinner the night they got back from Paris. She had been in such a bad mood but ten minutes at the table with Michael’s entire family had lightened her spirits significantly. His dad was charming and told stories that had Raven’s muscles aching from laughter; his mom so sweet and spent half the dinner asking questions about Raven’s book after having it finished it while they were away; his brother was quiet but he and Michael’s friendship made her heart want to melt; and his sister was witty and made Raven want to be her friend immediately. Everytime Raven spent time with them, they made her feel like part of the family. And she fell into it, despite her efforts to avoid it, with ease, like she had been part of the fabric for years. It caused some guilt to swell as she remembered that the girl they loved so much was a lie and that she and Michael were deceiving them. However, as her own family continued to disappoint her, it was nice to be a part of something so pure and loving.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Michael’s sister poked her head into the room. “But your family’s car just pulled up.”
Raven immediately stood up and handed the wine glass back to Michael. She went over to the full-length mirror in his room to adjust her outfit and ensure she looked perfect before putting on the most forced smile Michael had ever seen grace her lips.
“Come on, we shouldn’t keep them waiting.”
Michael grabbed her arm to stop her as she tried to walk around him.
“I told myself I’d stay out of it… your family, your rules. But word of advice, if you’ll let me?” When she said nothing, he continued. “People treat you how you allow them. And just because you’ve allowed this disregard for 30 years doesn’t mean you have to allow it now or that you deserve it. It hurts more now because you know you deserve more. And you’ve experienced more. So demand more.”
“And if they don’t give it?” Raven’s voice broke slightly with that question because she knew what his answer would be, what she should have done many years ago but did not have the courage to do.
“Somethin’ isn’t always better than nothin’. Especially when that somethin’ is just dead weight you have to drag around behind you. No one ever got far with dead weight.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, Raven desperately wanting to melt into him and the comfort he provided. He laced his fingers in hers and kissed her hand. “That’s all I’m gonna say. We’re gonna have a good time, promise. You’re with me so you know I gotchu. You ready?”
“Yea, I think so,” she smiled at him before following him out of his room and downstairs.
As they descended the stairs, she was unsurprised to find the deep baritone of her father filling the foyer of Michael’s mansion as he greeted everyone. Raven fixed her face to maintain a smile as she and Michael finally made it to the bottom of the stairs. She could feel her sister’s eyes studying her, taking in her designer dress, the signature red bottoms of her heels, and the diamond necklace and earrings glistening against her skin that Michael had bought her in Paris. It may have been a role, but Raven could not lie, she enjoyed dressing the part of a movie star’s girlfriend more than she thought she would. A petty part of her also did not hate the way her sister’s nose seemed to flare with jealousy at it.
“How y’all doin? I’m Michael?” Michael stepped forward and offered her father and sister a hug.
Raven’s eyes narrowed as her sister tried to linger in the very chaste hug Michael offered. Neither of them acknowledged her as they introduced themselves to Michael and his family, Raven awkwardly teetering on her heels behind him.
“It’s so great to meet you, son. Loved that Tom Clancy movie of yours. Watch it all the time,” her dad boasted as if he was Michael’s greatest fan.
Raven rolled her eyes behind Michael, knowing how much he hated when the first thing out of someone’s mouth when he meets them is their favorite role of his.
“Thank you, thank you. That was a fun one.” Michael reached behind him and pulled Raven to his side. He protectively tucked her under his arm and smiled down at her. “Great girl you have here.”
“Hey dad,” Raven offered, stepping forward to accept the half hug her father offered. She knew it was merely for show but she accepted it anyway. “Kiara,” her tone made her seem far more excited to see both of them than she was. But unlike her family, she was painfully aware of the studious eyes of Michael’s family watching them. And while their foundation had cracks the size of the Grand Canyon in it, she did not want Michael’s family to see them.
Her sister could not even stop eye fucking Michael long enough to give her a hug. She merely nodded in her direction.
Michael, thankfully, ended the awkward silence between the family members by gesturing for everyone to follow him to the kitchen. There, the island was heavily laden with food that his mom deemed ready to serve. Everyone grabbed serving dishes and started helping move things to the table. Seeing an opportunity to grab her father and her sister, Raven pulled them off to the side for a moment while Michael’s family got ready for dinner.
There was an awkward silence as the three of them stood in Michael’s living room before Raven found her voice again. She did not know why she was nervous, this was her family after all.
“Just wanted to see how the trip’s going? A-and ask if y’all had plans tomorrow. Thought maybe, you could come see my apartment? And then maybe we could go hiking to the Hollywood sign, it’s such a nice view of the city. And Michael got us all reservations at a new Japanese spot tomorrow night.”
Kiara turned her nose up at the mere idea. “Hiking?? No. Dad’s taking me shopping tomorrow on Rodeo Drive. It’ll probably take up the whole day, sorry. But dinner with Michael sounds good.”
Raven’s heart deflated a bit. Another outstretched hand pushed away. “Oh… yea of course. Shopping sounds fun. Maybe I could meet you all?”
“That’s ok. We know you’re busy,” her dad interjected, waving his hand to dismiss her suggestion.
“Oh… well, it’s just… you leave Saturday, I wanted to spend some time with y’all before you leave? I tried calling you both, I haven’t seen you all week. I invited you all out here, thought we’d get to at least spend a little time together before you leave.”
“We’re spending time together right now. We’ve been really busy. We came to meet Michael and enjoy the city. That’s what we’ve been doing. Besides, we all know Michael paid for us to come, not you.”
Raven scoffed, already frustrated and they had not been there for more than 5 minutes. She regretted everything about this plan. Her time with Michael’s family, this sanctuary she had found with them in his home, now felt tainted as if their mere presence had poisoned that sweet, fresh air. She knew she should have been more excited to see them, after all, it had been longer than she could remember since she saw them in the flesh. But now, that small part of her that never wanted to see them again only seemed to get larger and larger with every moment she stood in their presence.
Why do you even bother?
“Oh, should I start itemizing everything I’ve paid for in the last decade? Is that the best way to get yall to, you know, actually care to spend time with me? I mean I’ve been asking y’all to come out this way for years. I just thought… since we haven’t really seen each other in a while, this could be a good chance to reconnect. But shopping is more important than me, everything seems to be,” she muttered more to herself than to them. Before her sister could cut in with another smart comment, Raven added. “Can you make sure to thank Michael for this trip you’re enjoying so much? He really went all out of y’all.”
“You don’t need to lecture me on good manners, Raven. I did raise you both,” her father spoke up, clearly annoyed and bored of this conversation.
Raven bit down the retort that she was not sure please and thank you were even phrases in their vocabulary and just nodded.
“Is that all?” her sister asked cooly.
“Yea, yea that’s all.”
Both of them immediately left to return to the dining room where Michael’s family gathered, leaving Raven in the living room. She let out a deep shaky breath as a welcomed face popped out around the corner. However, she cringed slightly, fearful that he heard that entire exchange.
She walked over to him, Michael immediately pulling her into a tight embrace. Her head thudded against his chest. “Please tell me you didn’t hear any of that.”
“Don’t think me lying to you is gonna make you feel any better.” His fingers brushed aside the curls that spilled into her face. .
His hand rubbed soothing circles into her back before he kissed her on the top of her head. This time Raven did not even attempt to shy away, she fully melted into his embrace, at least as much as she could without breaking down.
“Say the word and they’re gone,” he reminded her, leaning back so he could look in her eyes.
Raven could tell he was completely serious, that he would kick both of them out without a second thought or a care. However, she knew that was not a possibility.
“As much as I hate it, we need them, remember?” She sighed. “For once, I do actually need them. So I’m gonna do what I’ve always done.”
“And what’s that?”
She shrugged, pulling herself out of his embrace. “Suffer through it.” She answered simply.
“Anything I can do to help?”
“Keep my glass full,” she answered bluntly. “I can already tell it’s gonna be a long fucking afternoon.”
***
“So Kiara, what do you do?” Donna asked as she sat down from transitioning the dinner dishes out and replacing them with dessert.
Raven did not know how she was going to eat the slice of apple pie Michael cut for her. Everything had been so delicious, she had eaten two plates and would have gotten a third if her sister had not made a backhanded, loud compliment about her food and her figure. While she could count the number of plates she had eaten with ease, the same could not be said for the glasses of sangria.
She had not lied when she said she needed it. Tipsy Raven cared far less about her sister’s consistent jabs to make her feel inferior and puff herself up to Michael nor did she care about how her father objectively ignored her for the entire dinner. He talked of her and around her but not once did he direct a question or comment to her. She could not tell which slight bothered her more, the disrespect or the disregard.
“I was doing hair for a while but I really love to cook so I’m going back to school to be a chef.”
Everyone around the table offered the appropriate congratulations and well wishes while Raven merely smiled and stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Kiara changed career paths about as often as she changed boyfriends, which was damn near monthly. Being a chef was just another way to throw her dad and Raven’s money down the toilet.
“Once I finish school, maybe you can float some clients my way? My dream is to be a personal chef.”
Raven downed her glass before filling it again. She found that drinking was the only way to stop herself from commenting on everything they did that frustrated her. However, that was an incredibly foolish drinking game to play. Because everything they did today seemed to frustrate her, every slight seemed amplified now that it was in the presence of Michael and his family. Each one fueled that anger she often ignored and suppressed. She should have known this was coming, that they would try to ask him for favors. She didn’t even ask him for favors. All they did was take and it was one thing to do that to her, but Michael did not deserve it.
You don’t deserve it either, a small voice that sounded oddly like the man sitting next to her reminded her.
“Maybe finish school first before you start chatting up my man for clients,” Raven teased, keeping her tone light and playful though she knew Kiara could see the lack of amusement in her eyes.
“Well, we all gotta start somewhere right? Can’t all be big time like you, sis?”
Raven smiled, “Well, you can be if you work hard… and don't rely on boyfriends, dad and I for everything,” she added the last part under her breath, however, she knew her sister could hear her. Michael’s hand went to rest of her thigh as if he could sense the change in her demeanor and mood almost immediately.
“Oh we loved Raven’s book,” Donna offered, transitioning the conversation away from her sister. “Such a talented and vivid writer. I probably talked the poor girl’s ear off when we first met about it. Was she always like that?”
Raven’s dad chuckled. “Yea she always had her nose buried in a book or a notebook writing somethin. She used to write these little short stories, got a drawer full of ‘em back at the house.”
“That’s so sweet. I’m not much of a fantasy reader,” Donna admitted. “But she had me hooked from the first chapter. Such a beautiful story.”
“Yea the book was really great,” he added lamely, unable to offer much beyond that because, as Raven knew, he had not read her book. “I always encouraged them both to follow their dreams, great to see her accomplish so much.”
Something about hearing him talk about her passion, her life’s work, the thing she tolled and fought for and had to give up, as if he cared about it at all made all those years of suppressed rage finally boil over. She could suffer through a lot, it was true, but she could not listen to that, listen to him lie and pretend to be supportive or caring when he was nothing of the sort. And now, she did not even care who knew it. This was simply not a piece of fiction she would allow him to sell.
“What was your favorite part of the book, dad?” Raven had not said much throughout dinner, allowing her sister to monopolize most of the conversation. However, it seemed as though Michael was the only person who realized the unfortunate turn their Thanksgiving dinner was about to take. He leaned in closer to her, quietly whispering in her ear but he knew his sweet nothings meant just that at this point: nothing. She was too far gone to hear them or register them. Her body felt as if it was almost vibrating with rage. He wished he could take her outside and give her a few plates to smash but he knew his mom would not appreciate that.
“Oh all of it. Whole thing was great.”
“Huh…” she muttered, taking a long gulp of her drink before reaching for the pitcher to refill it. “Who’s your favorite character?”
“Maybe we should slow down on…” Michael quietly whispered in her ear, subtly trying to beat her to the pitcher but she grabbed it first and poured another large glass. She raised her hand to stop his sentence.
“Didn’t realize there’d be a pop quiz,” he let out a deep chuckle as the tension around the table grew to levels that were impossible to ignore.
“Not a pop quiz. Just tell me one thing about the book you loved so much and encouraged me to write. Favorite plot twist, favorite scene, favorite character… hell, name one character you remember at all?”
“What the fuck, Rae? What’s your problem?”
Raven let out a humorless laugh as she leaned back in her seat. She downed her entire drink in one go, sitting the glass down before folding her arms casually.
“What’s my problem? What’s my problem? Right now, my problem is this fiction you’re spinning as if you give a rat’s ass about my book, my career, or me when if someone put a gun to your head, you wouldn’t be able to tell them the name of my book, let alone anything about it. My problem is the fact that I invited you all here to spend time with me, my boyfriend, and his family, all for you to ignore me for most of dinner. My problem is that you wax poetic about stories I wrote as a kid when, if you had ever bothered to read a single one of them, you would have seen a child writing herself into literally any other world and family to escape the pitiful one she had. I have a lot of problems, too many to list right now. But the common denominator in all of them is you two.”
Everyone’s movements and side conversations halted at her outburst. The silence and her deep breaths were only interrupted by Michael’s brother accidentally dropping his fork against his dinner china, the loud clanging filling everyone’s ears as they stared at Raven and her father.
She was not one to start a scene or draw attention to herself. But she could not let any of this go on for another moment.
“Baby… why don’t we take a break for a minute?” Michael asked, standing to pull her chair out. Raven knew that if she sat there for a minute longer, she’d lose whatever little composure she had left, so she forced herself to heed Michael’s advice. She wiped her lips and immediately threw her napkin down on the table to stand and leave.
“Excuse me.”
However, as she turned around, she heard her father’s voice.
“I didn’t mean to cause an issue. I tried my best with her and Kiara but you know, some kids are just harder to handle than others.”
As soon as those words hit her ears, she exploded. Before she even realized it, she had returned to the table and was leaning over it yelling at her father.
“‘You tried your best??’ YOU TRIED YOUR BEST? You never tried! All you’ve done is give the bare minimum and suffer through my presence like I’m was a fuckin’ pest you couldn’t get rid of!”
“You think you can talk to me that way? I’m still your father! All I’ve ever done is love you and take care of you.”
Raven scoffed, throwing her hands in the air. Michael shifted so he was standing behind her, an arm wrapped around her waist as if to stop her from jumping across the table. It was not that he thought she would actually do anything, baby girl did not seem like the scrapping type. But he prayed his presence would calm her down if nothing else. This was a side of her he had never seen before. He could not lie, it was kinda sexy, seeing her finally stick up for herself and be assertive.
In a part of her brain that felt distant and detached, she could feel Michael’s presence, hear his soft whispers to calm down. And she knew and appreciated what he was trying to do: stop her from doing something she’d ultimately regret. But at that moment, she did not know if she wanted to be stopped.
“All you’ve ever done is give me scraps! Scraps of support, scraps of your attention, but not an ounce of your love or affection. All to punish me for the sin of being born.” She had always bought into her family’s narrative that she was to blame for what happened. But it was as if the small voice that nagged at her her entire life was finally roaring. This was not her fault. No part of it was. “You can’t be mad at God for that shitty situation and you won’t be mad at mom for making her choice. So for 30 years, I’ve endured you hating me because you needed someone to be mad at. When you ignored birthday after birthday and accomplishment after accomplishment and need after need, I persisted in trying to win your love and win your affection. When you threw me out and cut me off after one year of college, I dusted myself off and kept going. When you rebuffed every attempt to reconnect and build a new relationship, I kept reaching out, kept trying. When you ignored me on every holiday and at every visit and everything, I still showed up. And when you ask for everything I have despite not deserving a cent of it, I give it. Every single time. Even after I lost my book deal last year and my career and didn’t know how I was gonna pinch pennies together for rent, I put myself and my needs last to help you two every single fuckin’ time. And you both expect me to be gracious for scraps while I kill myself to give you the Sun, Moon and stars and you take and you take and you take without so much as a thank you.” Every ‘take’ punctured by her hand slamming down on the farm-style dining table. “It’s not enough and I refuse to spend the next 30 years pretending it is. I’m done!”
“God, you’re such an embarrassment,” Kiara muttered.
“Oh fuck you, Kiara!” She cried out. “You miserable, attention-seeking bitch. You can say whatever you want about me but unlike you, I made something of my life and I did it all on my own. Meanwhile, you float through life without a single responsibility or thing to your name that someone else didn’t give you. And you can’t stand the fact that my life, despite both of your best efforts, is better than yours.”
“Wow. Nice to know how you really feel about your family.”
“I’ve never had a family. You both made damn sure of that. You want me out of your lives so bad? Fine. I’m out. Let’s see how far both of you get without taking from me. Get out. Both of you.”
Raven had no authority to kick someone out of a house that was not even hers but she could not hope to care. She knew Michael would not argue with her or lobby for them to stay after she just cussed them out six ways to Sunday in front of his entire family.
“You can’t kick us out!”
“Yes she can,” Michael piped up, speaking for the first time since the blow up began.
The intense stare down continued before her father and sister angrily stood up and stalked to the door.
“And Kiara!” Her sister stopped walking to turn around to her. “Say another word about me or my relationship to the media and I won’t hesitate to tell this entire world what a shitty person and sister you are. See how your friends like that story then.”
Her sister merely glared at her before stomping out of the house behind their father. As soon as she heard the door shut, Raven felt the adrenaline in her system crash and the weight of what just happened set in.
What the fuck did you just do? And in front of Michael’s family?
She let out a shaky breath as a wave of shame hit her. “U-Um… I am… I am s-so so so sorry,” she whispered. She rang her hands together, unable to make eye contact with anyone in the room. She had not felt this embarrassed in a long time. “I-I should go too.” She pulled herself away from Michael and tried to race toward the door, ignoring his calls for her to stay. However, before she could leave the dining room, Michael’s mom stopped her.
She grabbed the young woman’s hands and patted them softly.
“No, no you aren’t. No one leaves my table till dessert is over. You’re gonna sit and finish your pie with family.”
The tears brimming in Raven’s eyes spilled over.
“I-I’m sorry for r-ruining dinner.”
The older woman laughed. “That ain’t the first blow up this family’s seen at a dinner table… won’t be the last. Go on and sit down.”
She steered Raven’s body back into Michael’s arms who pulled back her chair for her to sit. She ate her pie in silence, conversation flowing with ease around her. The Jordans acted as if her meltdown was just par the course, though she knew they were likely just trying to make her feel better. But still, she appreciated it. Within 15 minutes of eating dessert, the mood across the table felt lighter and easier than it had all day. Raven calmed down enough to laugh and joke. By the end of several rounds of drinks and a very rowdy spades game to cap off the evening, Raven’s heart and soul also felt lighter than they had in years.
However, that quickly ended when she and Michael finally retreated to his suite for the evening. She collapsed onto the edge of his bed and kicked off her shoes, her movements sluggish and slow as if the weight of what she had done was finally creeping on her now that she was alone.
“I’m… alone,” she whispered to herself.
“What?” Michael crouched down in front of her, her eyes misting over slightly as she realized the truth.
“I’ve always been alone for the most part… after my grandma died. And I couldn’t keep a relationship going for long ever. It’s always just been… me. But it was ok because even though they were awful, I still had… family a-and there was still hope that it could be something. But now… now I have no one cause they’ll never come around after what I said to them.” She rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hand. “I don’t regret it, I was holding on to something that just wasn’t ever gonna be anything. But the dead weight was… something? Didn’t expect how empty I’d feel without it.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes. “It’s stupid,” she whispered. “Sorry.” She cleared her throat and stood up to walk to his bathroom. “Give me a minute to get my life together and then we can do what you actually pay me for and not this sad shit.”
Michael watched as she dapped her eyes in the mirror to rid them of tears before she reached behind her and pulled down the zipper of her dress. She looked gorgeous, her body clad in another one of her lingerie sets from Paris. This one was a nude brown that perfectly matched her skin. He knew she was merely trying to use sex to move on and forget, and he would oblige. But he could not do so without saying one thing.
“You have me.” It was not a question, but a firm statement. A matter of fact statement that left no room for arguments or questions.
Raven’s hands paused as she tried to fix her hair for a few minutes. She turned and smiled at him, closing the distance between them.
“Yea I have you… But this’ll end and you’ll find the right girl for you and then…”she shook her head, not wanting to think about that: being alone or being without him. “Thank you… for today.”
She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Usually, Michael initiated their kisses and they were domineering, hurried and passionate. While this moment held the same passion, it was slow and measured, each second inching past them. And Raven used every second to convey what her simple thank you could not. She prayed he felt it and appreciated it, because at that moment, the small action was all she had left to give. She did not have the energy for grand speeches or words.
She broke off their kiss and slid down to her knees, assuming the same position she did almost every time they had sex.
However, tonight, Michael decided he needed something different, that she needed something different. His finger gently lifted her chin so her eyes were on him.
“You take care of me every time we have sex. Let me take care of you for once.”
He did not let her question it as he helped her to her feet and led her to his bed, gently pushing her down. She let out a dramatic huff that made him chuckle.
He stood over her for a moment, his eyes taking in the hills of her breasts, the soft panes of her stomach, her thick plush thighs. He often found himself just staring at her and this moment was no different, moments where he wanted to commit her beauty to memory, burn her image in his brain matter.
“You are fuckin’ gorgeous,” he whispered. “You know how beautiful you are?” he asked as he sucked on the skin of her neck.
She turned her head, giving him more access to the skin of her neck as he sucked and bit. She whimpered slightly as his kisses moved down her body, savoring the taste of her soft supple skin. He took his time, however, this felt completely different than when he teased her. Then, he was purposefully avoiding giving her what she wanted. Now, her moans created the roadmap he followed. His lips and hands lingered where she needed them to, only pausing to shower her with praises. As his kisses continued, Raven lost all control of her senses, of the world around her. Everything else, the pain and emotions of the day faded away as every thought in her mind and every cell in her physical body turned their focus on him.
“I love everything about you. The way you moan, the way you beg me for more, the face you make when I make you cum.”
“Michael, please,” she whimpered.
He paused his ministrations and grasped her chin with a featherlike touch, her eyes focusing on him.
“I’m gonna take care you, I promise. Always. Trust me.” He hoped that the look in his eyes conveyed the truth, that her pleasure was not the only part of her he would take care of. He would worship and care for her mind, body, and spirit.
His fingers hooked into her lace panties and slid them off, settling between her plush thighs for his favorite meal of the day. Her eyes clenched shut as he spelled his adoration and love for her with his tongue on her clit. Michael had always been a generous lover but river always bent toward his pleasure. Every action, while it brought her pleasure, carried the reminder that it was not for her pleasure, it was for his. And she loved it, craved it, got off on it. It was one of the benefits of the arrangement to her.
But it had been so long since she had had sex like this, where the river flowed toward her and only her, where someone was so committed to bringing her mind numbing pleasure and ensuring she knew she was cared for and safe. She knew why he was doing it, after seeing how unsafe she was with her own family. She knew it was not real but she could not close the gates to her heart fast enough and stop herself from feeling it, from enjoying it. Every touch was gentle and sweet and let her know she was safe in his arms, safe in his sanctuary. And even though she knew she could not stay there with him forever, she loved him even more for letting her in from the cold for a moment.
Michael’s eyes never left her face as he devoured her, every moan, groan, and plea for mercy spurred him on. Her thighs clamped around his head as he pushed her farther and farther up her mountain to the peak of desire. He knew Raven’s body almost as well as he knew his own now, increasing his speed and efforts when he felt her legs shake and heard her moans grow louder.
It did not take much longer for Raven to feel the snap of a powerful orgasm crash over her. She let out a continuous stream of praise and lewd words as she road those waves of sweet bliss.
“That’s it, baby. Cum for me. Fuck, you taste so good.” He emerged from between her legs, kissing her deeply.
He wrapped his arm around her waist and used his strength to hoist her farther up onto the bed. He placed her legs on his shoulders and lined himself up with her entrance. Raven offered him a raised eyebrow at the position choice, she could not remember the last time they did missionary on the bed like this. On creative surfaces, like tables? Sure.
“I wanna look you in the eye when I make you cum. Keep your eyes on me, baby,” he whispered, Raven’s heart’s fluttering as she felt him fill her to the brim.
“Fuckkkk,” she cried out as he drove into her deeply. Every stroke felt like heaven, a promised land he was so graciously sending her to. There was a vulnerability to the position that she had not expected, the way he looked at her with every thrust forward and retreat.
“Look at me.” He demanded as her eyes fluttered closed. As soon as her eyes were trained on his, he uttered three words Raven never would have thought to hear from his lips. “I love you.”
Raven was rendered speechless, her moans catching in her throat as she felt her stomach drop 100 stories.
Did he say what I think he said? She thought to herself, her brain trying to cut through layers of pleasure fog to work properly.
“You deserve the entire world, Rae. You deserve someone who’ll give you this world… the sun, the moon, and the stars. And I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve this. But I’ll spend everything I have, I’ll give everything I am to make sure you got it. I want more than an arrangement and six months with you… I want you, all of you, for as long as you’ll allow me.”
His words directly clashed with the narrative she had in her mind, the seeds of doubt life and her family had sowed. And despite her heart begging her to scream the words back at him, those doubts stopped her. She heard his words but she did not believe them or rather, she could not believe them.
She did love him, she was so in love with him. It was a devastating, beautiful, painful, once-in-a-lifetime sort of love she thought she would only read in the pages of love stories. But she felt it… every devastatingly beautiful moment of it every time she was in his presence, every time she felt his touch, every time he comforted her or looked into her eyes.
But the words, those three precious words, were stuck in her throat. A barrier of fear and doubt, made even heavier by the events of the day, weighed them down. Instead of celebrating that the man she so desperately loved felt the same about her, she could only focus on how that just could not simply be true. The story she had built in her mind that she was not good enough, that she did not deserve him, that he could never love her, a part of her brain clung to it as a lifeline. She had given Michael this grand speech about living and falling but she could not do it herself. Because if she gave in and allowed him to love her, truly love her, and then this was all a lie? That was the crash she did not think she could survive. She could handle her family hurting her. It knocked her down but she could always get back up again. But Michael? He would be her armageddon. If he hurt her, she would not get back up again.
The avalanche was hurling toward her once again, only this time she was standing at the bottom without a barrier or way to outrun it. She was mere feet away from being swept up by it and all the emotion and vulnerability it brought in its wake. The day had just been too much, too heavy. And emotionally, she had not been prepared for any of the twists and turns the day had brought. She suddenly felt overwhelmed, so out of control of everything, particularly her emotions, the one thing she usually had under control.
She felt tears sting the back of her eyes but she knew they were not good tears, the tears Michael usually induced during sex. No, these were entirely different. She quickly realized she needed a break, a moment. And the only thing in this world that she could control in this particular moment was the man above her. He was the catalyst every single time, the cannon blast that started the avalanche, that forced her to feel everything all at once. And she needed that to stop. She needed him to stop.
“Wakanda…” she choked out, her voice as broken and small as she felt.
She did not have a chance to repeat it as Michael immediately stopped his movements in mid stroke, his face stricken and concerned.
“Shit.” He slid out of her without a second thought and braced himself over her, shocked to find tears streaming down her face, her body trembling. He immediately grabbed the blanket that was hanging half off the bed, wrapping her nude form tightly in it. “Hey, hey. You’re ok, you’re ok. You’re having a panic attack. Deep breaths for me.”
Raven curled into a small ball under the blanket, gasping for breath. Michael pressed her hand into his chest.
“Focus on me, baby girl. That’s it. Deep breaths.”
She closed her eyes and focused on the faint thumps of his heart in his chest, the way it rose and fell against her hand as she tried to sync up her breathing to his. He held tightly to her hand as she took long deep breaths. It felt like hours passed before either of them moved, before she felt calm enough to speak, but she knew it had likely only been a few minutes.
“First a concussion,” she wiped her tears. “And now, a panic attack. I must be the worst woman you’ve ever had sex with,” she let out a watery chuckle.
“Or the best?” he offered in a voice so gentle and quiet, it made a new set of tears well up in her eyes. She did not deserve him. “What happened? Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head. “N-no, you d-didn’t. I j-just couldn’t… you can’t look at me l-like that o-or keep doing stuff l-like this. Pretending you love me just to make me feel b-better.” She shook her head rapidly. “I know you feel obligated to be g-gentle and shit when I’m having a bad day. But i-it’s just confusing. I know t-this isn’t real a-and I c-cant take anyone else pretending to love me or care about me when they r-really don’t.”
“I’ve never done anything for you that I didn’t want to do, Raven. I’m not kind and gentle with you because I feel obligated. I’m kind and gentle because I want to be, because you deserve it. Do you find yourself so undeserving of all these things that it is that hard to believe that I’m in love with you? That I do all this shit for you because this is real to me??”
“There’s no way that is true! You don’t love me!” She argued.
“Yes I do!”
Raven wanted to pull her hair out and scream at him. “Stop saying that! W-we are just fantasies to each other, Michael! P-playing a role that the other needs filled and j-just because the fantasy is nice, doesn’t mean I should kid myself into believing it is real. You’ll toss me aside as soon as this agreement is done because everything you feel is based on a fantasy!”
“You aren’t some fantasy to me, Raven!”
“Fine! Not a fantasy! But everything we are is conditional… even you have to admit that. I mean we have a fuckin’ contract! Everything we are is based on me fulfilling those conditions! You can dress me up like a girlfriend but I know what I am when the cameras go away, Michael. I’m the girl you met in a hotel who was paid to fuck you!”
He jumped off the bed and grabbed his phone, thrusting it into her hand. “Robert Pearson. Call him.”
“W-who is that?” she asked, completely bewildered by the change in the conversation.
“He’s one of the top reporters at TMZ. Call him, call him right now and tell him this whole thing is a fuckin’ sham. Hell, want me to start an Instagram live for you so you can tell the whole fucking world? I’ll do it.”
She threw the phone back on the bed and stood up, wrapping the blanket around her like a dress. “I’m not gonna fucking call anyone or do that!”
“But you could! That’s my point! You could call TMZ right now and tell him this whole thing was a sham, sell a fuckin’ tell all and I’d still love you. I’d honestly thank you for it because then I wouldn’t have to pretend I only love you because of some arrangement. I could admit that I love you for you. I love you for your vulnerability, your spirit, the fact that you give and you give and expect nothing in return and don’t even stop giving all of yourself when everyone else would. I love that you talk in fuckin’ sonnets and monologues. I love your relentless optimism and hope. I love your smile, the way you can’t look someone in the eye when they compliment you but it lights up your entire being. I love that you’ve got a wild imagination and you're quirky and funny and…” he threw his hands up in the air. “I. Love. You. I am in love with you. You can keep telling me to stop saying it, you can ignore it, pretend you don’t hear it, you can reject it. But it won’t change it. I love you. No conditions, no expectations. Just you for you. The question is do you love me?” he demanded.
“It’s not that simple!” She tried to move around him but he blocked her way. She needed to get out of her, needed to escape this chaos. “Move, Michael.”
“No! It is that simple. Do you love me? Forget everythin’ else. What you think you do and don’t deserve. Do. You. Love. Me?”
“Of course, I fuckin’ love you!” she cried out. “I fell in love with you the morning I woke up with a concussion and you were sitting in my hospital room. I love you! But t-there’s… no one loves me like that. What you’re claiming to feel… no one feels that for me a-and there’s no way that you, a man who could get any one of the billions of women on this planet, would be the first. There’s no way you would settle for loving me.” She let out a deep sigh. “A-and my heart can’t take it… I can’t take the rejection and pain from people I love who don’t love me back anymore. I c-can’t. Which means I can’t believe that you love me. I’ve taken all I can take a-and if I accept that you love me, then I risk you rejecting o-or hurting me. And when you do, it’ll kill me.” The last word hung in the air as she sank down to the floor by his bed, her head buried in her hands.
Michael settled down on the floor next to her, his hand grasping hers as he intertwined their fingers. There was so much to unpack in her words, so much that he knew he would not be able to convince her of or solve in one night. But there was one thing he knew he could assure her of right then and there.
“There were a hundred ways I could’ve spun what happened between us that first night, hundreds of ways I could’ve dealt with you that would not have led us to this moment. But I chose the road I chose, not so I could have a body to use or fix a crisis. But because you stole my soul the moment you turned around in that hotel room. Loving you isn’t fuckin’ settling, it’s everythin’ I’ve wanted for damn near a decade but didn’t think I could have again. We’ve been standing on the edge of this cliff, waiting for the other to be ready to jump for months now. And I’m ready and you’re holdin’ on for dear fuckin’ life. I’m askin’ you to let go and trust that I won’t hurt you. I know that’s scary… shit I’m scared too. But I’m willing to jump if you are.” His thumb wiped away her falling tears before kissing her on the forehead. “I’m not lookin’ for an answer tonight, love. I know today… this week’s been a lot for you. I didn’t mean to add another thing on top of all the other shit, I just… needed you to know how I felt.”
“Don’t… don’t apologize. I-I j-just got overwhelmed b-by everything. It’s been a day of unexpected emotional confessions,” she chuckled. “I…” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m really scared. Scared of being hurt, scared of falling even more in love with you a-and another good thing being taken from me. B-But I want this for real with you too. I don’t wanna keep pretending what we have isn’t real when we know it is. If you’re ready to jump, so am I. And we can just be scaredy cats while we fall together?”
He pulled her into his lap and pressed his lips to hers softly. “Not a fan of you callin’ me a scaredy cat,” he teased. “But yea. I meant it when I told you, you’re safe with me. All of you. And I’ll do whatever I gotta do to make sure you believe that shit.”
Her heart fluttered a bit. She knew he meant his words. If there was one thing she had always been with Michael, it was safe. And she adored that about him.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love the way that shit sounds. Say it again.” .
“I love you, I love you, I love you,” her lips tugged upward into a grin as he started peppering her face with kisses and having her repeat the phrase over and over again. He picked them both off the ground and continued kissing her and causing her to giggle as he placed her back in bed.
He settled her under the covers and pulled her tightly into his arms. Their legs were quickly tangled in each other’s as she laid her head on his chest. They laid there in silence for a while before Raven sat up. As much as she enjoyed cuddling in his arms, Raven wanted more. Emboldened by their confessions of love, she pushed herself to her knees and straddled his hips.
“You used your safe word. We ain’t gotta…” she pressed a finger to his lips stopping him.
“I know what I want and need, Bakari,” she whispered, using his nickname, which was only reserved for family and close friends for the first time. Michael was not much of a crier but hearing his nickname on her lips made his heart skip one or two beats, made tears sting the back of his eyes. “And I want you. You showed me how much you loved me… now let me show you.” She gave him a sly smirk before shifting between his legs to taste him.
The pair lost track of how many times they moaned or screamed those three magic words to each other. But by the time they were finished, their bodies a tangled mess of limbs and bodily fluid, Raven knew, in her heart, that his words were true. And so she fell asleep nestled in his warm embrace, feeling true happiness with anther person for the first time in her life.
Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r
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A/N: The babes finally confessed their love for each other!!! Woohoo! How do you think our two lovebirds make the jump from fake romance to a real relationship? Thank you for reading! Drop a comment and let me know what you thought :)
#black writers#michael b jordan#michael b jordan x oc#michael b jordan x reader#mbjordanedit#black panther#michael b jordan fanfic#creed 3#adonis creed#creed iii
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Prove Me Wrong
Chapter 17: Winds of Change
If you need to catch up, here's the Masterlist
Summary: Jess and the gang get kicked out
Word Count: 7.5k
Warnings: Fighting, mentions of blood, bruising, face injuries, of aged men hitting on under-aged girls 🤢, angst. As always let me know if I missed something!
AN: So I got a new laptop, and was super excited to write on it. And then when I uploaded my word doc, it crashed. 🤗 Long story short, after crying and being unmotivated to redo everything that I thought I lost, I fixed it.
The street was full of cars when Jess and Billy pulled up, causing them to park further down the street away from Tina’s. Billy pulled the parking brake and turned off the ignition, turning back to Jess.
“So what the hell did he say?” Billy was staring at Jess, completely surprised that she had already admitted to Steve that they were a little more than just partners for an English project now.
“He suggested that we hold hands and skip through the football field.” Jess rolled her eyes as she heard the strong laugh leaving Billy’s body.
“So is he pissed?”
“He’s not exactly thrilled…”
“Yeah, well. Fuck it,” Billy shrugged unbuckling Jess’s seatbelt for her before taking the keys from the ignition, “Bout time he realized you’re your own person.”
“He already does, Billy-“
“No he doesn’t. ‘’Cuz god forbid you decided to go to this party without him.” Before Jess could continue arguing, he opened his own door and stepped out, reminding her to “Stay right there,” as he left. When he opened the door for her, waiting for her to step out, he continued, “It’s like he wants you two attached to the hip…” He shook his head, looking as if he were annoying himself with the thought of Steve Harrington always around.
Once Jess was out of the car, she began to take off the jacket, causing Billy to drop his current thought. “What’re you doin’, leave it on…”
“I don’t wanna carry it all night when I have to take it off inside.” Before Jess had it all the way off, however, Billy quickly shed the one he was wearing, throwing it in the back and closing the passenger door.
“There. Problem solved.”
“How-“
“Geez, Jess, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one,” Billy teased, “When you don’t want it, I’ll take it alright? Just… keep it on. Least till we get in…”
“You just want it on me to piss off Steve.” They began walking away from the car, the sound of music becoming louder despite the already drowning sound of teenagers that littered her outdoor area. There were easily twice as many people at this party compared to the one Carol had, as Tina was never picky about who came, something Jess had always appreciated about her.
“I didn’t even know we were seeing pretty boy tonight, alright. Can we lay off the subject now?”
“Oooh, someone’s testy,” Jess’s smile was faint as she poked fun at him, but slowly faded when she looked up to realize he wasn’t smiling back. “Okay… sorry…”
“No, it’s just… You ever get tired of only thinking about Steve when you do something?”
“I do not!”
“Like two goddamn peas in a pod. You’re obsessed with him, he’s obsessed with you,” Billy sighed, slowing down their pace to further the conversation without anyone overhearing, ensuring this by looking around before he spoke again, “It just would be awesome if I could do shit for you without you thinking it’s all this weird thing to piss Harrington off.”
“Right, because you weren’t trying to at the diner?”
“Jess,” Suddenly, Billy stopped walking entirely, turning his entire body to face her as he looked past her, focusing on his actions from earlier. “I wasn’t trying to piss him off. I was just… fuck…” His shoulders shrugged with frustration, tensing as they dropped again. He looked over toward the house, his jaw now as tense as his shoulders. “He needs to know that I’m not exactly going anywhere,” His head slowly inched back to her as he sucked in a final breath for courage before continuing, “That I’m here to stay.” His eyes flicked to another group walking past them, behind Jess, locking onto them until they were far enough for Billy’s liking. “Look, I’m not asking for him to like me. I just want him to know that we at least got one thing in common.”
“And what’s that?” Jess took a step in his direction as she watched him look around one last time.
“That we both think you’re cool as shit,” He answered as if it were obvious, now walking toward the house at the same, slow pace they had previously.
Jess followed closely, her arm only inches from his. “Oh yeah? I figured it would be something like how you’re both scarily obsessed with basketball or something.”
“No, Logan. See, thing is, there’s still a big difference between me and him when it comes to basketball. I’m actually good and your little boy toy sucks.”
“He does not suck.”
“Oh, so that’s the part of the sentence you’re gonna correct?”
“He does not suck.”
Billy let out an airy laugh as he shoved his hands in his pockets due to the cold, his breath visible when his chuckle dragged out. “Alright, so he’s not that bad.”
“He’s starting five.”
“So am I.”
“So there you go,” Jess countered, “You both don’t suck.”
Billy shook his head in surrender as they reached the wide-open front door. They both looked past the entryway into the main living room, which was already packed, when Jess felt two hands on either side of her neck, patting her shoulders softly.
“We goin’ in or what?” Jess turned around to see Steve, Jason, Chrissy, and Patrick standing behind her, the others that came with them squeezing past to get inside. Jess and Billy lead the rest of the group toward the kitchen, Steve staying close behind. The music was even louder than it usually was, possibly due to the fact that Tina’s party wasn’t the only social gathering happening on this street. There were never any noise complaints called in on New Year’s Eve, surprising in a small town like Hawkins, and even if there were, there was always a good chance that Hopper would ignore them for the holiday.
As they made it to the crowded kitchen, Jess noticed a large group of boys she had never seen before stocking the fridge with an assortment of beers, liquor, and mixers. It wasn’t until Tina’s older brother, Christopher, joined them from the dining room that she realized why she’d never seen them before.
“Hey, Chris.” Jess watched as Tina sauntered over with Nicole, Vickie, Katie, and Jane, who were all giggling, seemingly excited that Tina gave them automatic access to the only college boys at the party. Before Jess could continue listening in, one of Christopher’s friends took notice of her, giving her a look that quickly made her uncomfortable. She turned around to face Steve, causing him to stop.
“You okay, kid?”
“Yeah, yeah it’s just, the kitchen looks packed, you know…” Steve looked past her, shrugging his shoulders as he looked into what seemed to be the most open part of the house.
Billy, however, looked where Jess had earlier, taking notice of the older group by the fridge. “You want anything outta there, princess?” He asked without taking his eyes off the cluster of boys. The question made Steve’s eyes roll, but he didn’t interject, allowing Jess to place her request. When he walked past the kitchen island to retrieve a red cup, he caught the attention of Jane, who quickly left the now large group she was in to stride her way over to him.
“Hey there, Hargrove.” Jane leaned into him slightly, eyeing the drink that he now had in his hand with amusement. “That for me? Because that’s definitely not for you.”
Billy looked down at the cup as well before laughing coldly, the corners of his mouth pulling downwards. “And why not?” The sarcasm dripped from his question, causing Jane to lean away, not sure if this banter was the friendly kind.
“Because I know what you actually want.”
Billy picked up on her tone, clearly expressing she was no longer talking about beer. “Yeah, I doubt that,” He deadpanned, not breaking eye contact as he watched her expression change from confident to irritated in a matter of seconds.
“Really? Because that’s not the impression I got before break.” She batted her lashes ironically, challenging him on his not-so-new attitude towards her. He finally broke the staring, walking himself to the fridge that was still being crowded around. He pushed past the boys, not troubling himself to ask them to move as he bumped shoulders with the one now chatting up Nicole. To his dismay, she had followed him. He turned around to see her crossing her arms over her chest, almost as if she was triumphantly looking at the can he now had. “What did I tell ya, knew exactly what you’d be going for.”
“Don’t you got some desperate college dude to bug?” He asked rather loudly, still unbothered by the fact that said college boys were gathered around behind him. Billy heard one of them mumble something behind his back but didn’t budge to look behind him, as he felt he’d made his point perfectly clear.
Jane looked over at the group he came in with, scoffing when her eyes met the back of Steve’s head, watching who he was talking to. “I didn’t know you were friends with Steve Harrington now.” When Billy only rolled his eyes in response, about ready to walk away, she poked at him once more, successfully stopping him in his tracks. “So, what you’re saying is you’d rather hang with Harrington and his little prude all night than have some actual fun, Hargrove?”
Billy scrunched his nose in annoyance, his jaw clenching as he heard the nickname Jane spat out. He wanted to retaliate, possibly hurt her feelings to the point where it would have ruined the rest of her night. There were names that were already lined up in his mind that he could call her and could have probably justified even hours later after he possibly felt bad for his actions. But he stood there for a moment, chewing on his tongue behind his closed lips that were contorted into a sneer. He stared off into the crowd, not exactly fixating on one person, refusing to look back at her face which he was sure was now sporting a satisfied grin, knowing it would anger him further. Instead, he cleared his throat and relaxed his jaw before responding with a simple, “Just fuck off, Jane,” not even bothering to finish his sentence before he continued walking back to Jess and Steve.
Jess listened to Steve talk about the upcoming tournament as she glanced over to Billy, who was now striding toward her with two drinks in hand. Behind him, Jane purposely caught her attention, waving with only her fingers as she eyed the outfit she was in. Jess watched as her eyes landed suddenly on Billy’s jacket, taking a moment before forcing herself to peel them away and walk back toward the rest of her friends. Jess broke into a small smile, causing Steve to stop mid-sentence. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” Jess quickly responded, her eyes finding their way back to Steve’s.
“So, Harrington, you hangin’ with us all night?” Billy stood next to the both of them, taking a quick sip out of Jess’s drinking, ensuring it tasted right, before handing it over to her. Steve thought for a moment, looking over at the red cup Jess had in her hand and then to Billy, who was now taking a drink out of his own Beer.
“You totally can, if you want. It’s no big deal really,” Jess interrupted his thoughts, not wanting him to think that he had to leave.
“You know what,” He looked over his shoulder to look around the room, “I kinda owe Heather a dance.” He then straightened his neck back to look over Billy intently. He stood there for a moment longer, evidently recalling something from earlier as he stared at Jess’s cup once more, causing him to relax his shoulders slightly. “Don’t have too much fun without me…” He then gave Jess a friendly smile as he backed away, turning to disappear into the crowd.
Jess continued to look in the direction that she last saw Steve. “Weird…”
“What? Weird that pretty boy left?” He took another long drink out of his beer, pretending not to even notice his absence, though if he was being honest with himself, he also found it odd as well that Steve had just agreed to leave them alone. He had intended the question to be a joke, fully expecting Steve to follow Jess around all night, not allowing her a single moment alone with him. And again, if he were being honest, he couldn’t really blame him.
“I mean, he did cancel Benny’s just to be here…”
“Eh, like he said. He owes some girl a dance.” He shrugged it off as he scanned the room, catching Hagen’s attention as he looked toward the back door.
“Aye! B!” Jess surprisingly was able to hear Tommy shout over the speakers, watching him pull Carol by the hand through the crowd.
“Jesus, Tommy, slow down…” Carol mumbled as they reached Billy and Jess, pulling her hand away once his grip loosened. “Hey, you two.”
“Did I just see you with Harrington?” Tommy questioned, not yet greeting Jess.
“Yeah, what was that all about…” Carol left Tommy’s side and joined Jess, looking back over at her before adding, “No offense,” to the end of her sentence.
“Nothing important.”
Carol looked over at Jess, giving her the same look Chrissy always did when it came to Billy. “Well, I think it’s cute that you’re getting along with him now… Anyways. Tommy’s wanting a rematch.”
“I can’t this time. Driving.” Billy then gestured with his can over to Jess, giving her a wink before further explaining. “Gotta take this one home.”
“Dude, lame.” Tommy groaned, “Why don’t you both just crash here?”
“Jess has a curfew, remember?” Carol poked fun at her, pinching her cheeks as if she was a child. “It’s fine, the girls will play a round. Does your goody-two-shoes friend drink, like, at all?”
“Chrissy, I mean… yeah… sometimes but-“
“Good, wave goodbye to the boys,” Carol then looped her arm with Jess’s, walking purposefully toward Jason, Chrissy, and Patrick. “Cunningham. Come on, you’re up at beer pong.”
Chrissy quickly stood at Jess’s side as they made their way to the kitchen. “I’m not very good…” She said apologetically, causing Carol to giggle.
“Good. You’re on Jess’s team then.”
“You’ll be fine, Chris. Carol’s not very good either.”
“Bite me.” Carol led them away from Jason and Patrick, who were now eyeing the three girls suspiciously, and began making her way to the kitchen, eyeing the group that was still by the fridge.
“Please don’t ask Jane to play…” Jess groaned, now dragging her feet a bit.
“Oh god no. She fucking hates you, you know that right? Why would I ask her to play?”
“Yes, Carol. Thank you. I know.”
“I wonder why…” Chrissy leaned in, laughing out loud as she watched the way Jane quickly snapped her head over her shoulder as she heard footsteps coming toward her.
“Tina, let’s play.” Carol unlooped her arm from Jess’s and grabbed Tina’s hand, pulling rather aggressively, only allowing Tina to wave by to a couple of the girls before she was headed out of the kitchen. Jess and Chrissy followed closely behind them as they navigated their way around the maze of teenagers that crowded the living room. When they finally made it outside, Jess saw Tommy and Billy already waiting for them by the table, Billy quickly making his way to Jess to grab the cup out of her hand.
“Hey! I’m not-“
“Yeah, you’re done with this.” Billy then downed the barely touched drink, crushing the cup when he was done, tossing it toward the opened black bag that was by the ping pong table. “Like I said, I’m not bringing you home completely sloshed.”
“Oh don’t worry, Billy, your girl’s gonna be plenty sloshed when we’re done with her.” Carol then high-fived Tina as they set up their side of the table. “Hurry up and get over here, Logan, I’m tryna win.”
Billy shook his head, leaning in to whisper in Jess’s ear. “Don’t worry, Tina’s shot’s trash. Played against her on Halloween. Go kick their ass, princess.”
Jess walked over next to Chrissy, who was putting their cups together, occasionally looking up at Tina and Carol’s side to make sure she was doing it right. Out of the corner of her eye, Jess watched as Jason and Patrick joined them by the table, Chrissy giving her boyfriend a shy grin as she waved over to him.
Carol let Chrissy start the game, teasing them by stating how it didn’t matter, and how she and Tina were going to win anyway. Their game went on for what felt like forever, most of their shots bouncing out of cups or missing them completely. Eventually, Steve wandered into the backyard as well, stopping by the table to watch. Once a little over half of the cups were gone, Jess looked over at Chrissy, who was now continuously bumping into her, giggling uncontrollably as she apologized each time.
“I think Chris might be done,” Jess mentioned, watching as her friend took her time to grasp the ball and aim.
“No! I’m fine… I just don’t drink a lot,” she continued to giggle, looking over at Jason as he started walking over to her.
“Don’t get too wasted now.” Jason was now over, counting the cups on her side of the table. “You still got boutta hour to midnight.”
“Okay okay, fine.” She tossed the ball haphazardly to Jason, who quickly shot his hand up to catch it, not expecting the toss. “You play then.”
“Hey, that means we win.” Carol pointed out, counting how many cups each team had left. “Logan, if she quits, we win!”
“Okay, fine, Carol, you win.” Jess gave in, causing both Tina and Carol to cheer, once again high-fiving each other.
“What happened to kicking their ass, Logan?” Billy teased, watching her walk back to the side of the table.
“Yeah, well, Tina had a better shot than you said.”
“Hey!” Tina overheard, crossing her arms as she stared down Billy.
Jason still held the small ball, bouncing it off the table and catching it with his opposite hand. “You wanna finish this out, Patrick?”
When he agreed, Tommy jumped in as well, “I’ll take other side. C’mon, B, jump in. We only got like… six cups left.”
Billy nodded his head slowly, counting the cups himself, convinced he’d only have to drink a couple of them before he and Hagen won. “I ain’t playin’ another one after.” He then threw his now empty beer can in the trash bag that lay on the grass, its contents spilled out around it. “Watch how it’s done, princess.” He walked to Tommy’s side, Steve now taking his place by Jess.
“Watch how it’s done, princess,” Steve mocked quietly, earning him a punch in the arm. “Good thing you’re staying another three hours. Those guys are good.” He nodded his head to Jason and Patrick before continuing, “No way he’s not downing all three of his.”
“Yeah right… Jason and Patrick only have four left. No way.”
“Oh yeah, well so do Hargrove and Hagen now.”
Jess shot her attention back to the game, realizing that both Jason and Patrick must have made it in one, Jason now aiming the ball again. When he sank his second shot in the cup nearest Billy, Tommy pounded on the table, watching his friend down his second beer already. “Shit, shit…” The game was over quickly, with Billy only making one shot before the other four cups on his side were gone.
“What happened to showing me how it was done, Hargrove?”
“How the hell could I have known that the lightweight’s boyfriend could actually pl- owww.”
“Don’t call her that!”
“You look over at her recently?”
He nodded his head toward the ground where Chrissy was sitting, looking up at the stars. Jason walked over to her, helping her up as she finally fixed her eyes on him. “Did you win?”
Jason only laughed at her, leading her back inside so she could sit on the couch. “This is why you don’t play beer pong, baby.” He sat her down on the right side of the living room couch, plopping down next to her as she leaned against the armrest. Billy and Jess followed, Steve close behind them as they entered the house, all three sitting on the loveseat opposite the couch. It was a slightly tight squeeze for the three of them, causing Jess to be partially on Billy’s lap, something he didn’t mind at all. The close proximity caused her to take off Billy’s jacket, which Billy quickly took from her, draping it over the leg she currently wasn’t sitting on.
Tina, Tommy, and Carol soon entered through the backdoor as well, making Jason scoot closer to Chrissy as they too squeezed to sit on the couch, Carol sitting completely on top of Tommy. Unfortunately, with Tina now sitting with them, the rest of her friends came as well, the college boys following closely behind them. Jess quickly felt eyes on her, and this time, it wasn’t Jane’s stare that caused her to feel uncomfortable.
Jess nodded back at Tina’s brother, who sat on the floor in front of his sister after wordlessly greeting her. That’s when Jess noticed the same boy from earlier in the kitchen, seemingly more confident now, whether it be from alcohol or from the fact that he realized his friend was acquaintances with Jess. He eyed her noticeably, going out of his way to sit on part of the floor closer to the loveseat, grinning at her once again before pretending to listen to a conversation that was taking place on the couch. On his third attempt of getting Jess’s attention, Billy noticed, causing him to grit his teeth before releasing his jaw again, not wanting his annoyance to be obvious. He then looked over at Jess, attempting to gauge her interest. When she looked as if she were about to crawl out of her skin, he threw his arm around the back of her shoulders, leaning back into the cushions as if trying to convince his body to relax.
He squeezed her shoulder gently, reassuring her that he was there, to not worry about the creep that happened to be there. Billy didn’t care to know the dude, didn’t care to know his intentions. His longing looks at a high schooler were enough to profile him as a weirdo that he couldn’t wait to get Jess away from. Based on the amount of alcohol at this party, he assumed this man was at least legal drinking age, knowing his friend, Tina’s brother, was 21 as well. Billy leaned down to whisper in Jess’s ear, still not taking his eyes off the only non-teenagers there.
“You want anything outta the kitchen, princess?”
“It’s okay…” Jess answered quietly, seemingly able to read his mind, “Don’t worry about it… I’m sure they’ll leave.” She traced Billy’s gaze to the same guy still looking over at her, making her quickly look away. It took every ounce of patience in Billy to not call it out, to not pull him up by his collar, hitting him continuously until he fell back down on the floor. But it was only a look, he kept telling himself. He couldn’t risk looking crazy in front of Jess, or worse, embarrassing her in front of their whole class due to just a look. After another ten minutes of attempting to be interested in conversation, however, he kept glancing down at the college boy, apparently named Dennis.
Stupid fucking name.
Dennis had also continued to do the same to both him and Jess, looking between the two of them before staring at Jess for an unwanted amount of time, his eyes appearing to forget that she, too, was a person. Against Billy’s better judgment, he looked over at Steve before looking back at Jess.
“I need a drink,” He said before whispering in Jess’s ear, “Stay with Steve, I’ll be back in a bit with some water for you, yeah?” He then got up and left Jess’s side, making sure to leave his jacket by her, using it to claim his spot. Jess watched as he disappeared into the crowd, spotting the way he would turn his head back over in their direction occasionally, jaw clenching every time he did. When she could no longer see him, she scooted herself closer to Steve, hoping that would save her from Dennis wanting to socialize with her in any way. It seemed to work for a moment, but she began to grow nervous when Billy had yet to show back up after a few minutes away. Dennis obviously had taken notice as well, scrutinizing the leather jacket that was placed in his way.
Jess stayed as small as she could, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, until someone within the crowd shouted, “TWO MINUTES TILL MIDNIGHT!” Everyone began cheering, most of the group that was sitting began to stand, awaiting the anticipated countdown. It looked as if Dennis was lost in the crowd, making Jess relax for a moment, only to become on edge again when she felt an unfamiliar hand grab her wrist.
“Hey,” Jess turned around to see Dennis now standing in front of her, much too close for her liking. “So where you gonna be at midnight?” She could unmistakably smell vodka on his breath, which made her stomach churn, it smelling much less pleasant than the slight smell of hops Billy would have after he would drink.
She tried pulling away softly, but when his grip didn’t loosen, she panicked, looking back at Steve for help. “Sorry, I’m just gonna hang out with some friends…” She responded, still looking over at Steve who quickly arrived next to her.
“Hang out with me instead.” He retorted confidently, not caring who was currently next to her.
“Uhm no I-“
“She’s not interested, bud,” Steve quickly butted in, now directing his attention toward Jess, pulling her arm away, “C’mon kid, let’s go.”
Jess eagerly began following him away until she was again stopped by the same unfamiliar hand, Dennis’s other hand nudging Steve away. “How about she tell me she’s not interested.” Jess felt her blood run cold, looking at the difference in stature between her friend and the unwanted college boy, who stood taller and broader than Steve did. However, it didn’t deter Steve from pushing back, much harder than Dennis had pushed him.
“Let go of her, or else.” Steve was now in Dennis’s face, causing Christopher to come over, trying to defuse the situation.
“Come on, Den, let’s get outta here…” Tina’s brother attempted to whisper, trying to take his friend’s hand from around Jess’s wrist. Jess continued to watch the way the older boy’s eyes faded in and out, clearly intoxicated, and furious. She tried to free her arm once again, but was much weaker than the stocky brunette, when suddenly someone grabbed Christopher’s shirt, quickly pulling him away from Dennis, Billy now standing in his place. Jess then felt a slight pinch in her wrist, hurting only for a moment, realizing after that her hand was suddenly free from Dennis’s grasp and secured softly in Billy’s. He then let go slowly, pointing over to Steve without taking his eyes off Dennis. Jess did as she was wordlessly told, making her way back to Steve’s side. She had never seen him this inflamed, his eyes wide and wild, his jaw ticking with anger. Everyone else besides a select few had yet to notice what was going on around them, continuing to count down, which almost drowned out what Billy said next.
“You wanna explain why you’re touching my girl?”
She wasn’t sure if she had heard it correctly, or sure if she, or anyone besides Dennis, was meant to hear it, but she was sure she would have been blushing currently if it wasn’t for the situation they were in.
“FIVE!”
She watched the way Billy was now shaking out his wrists, occasionally clenching and unclenching his hands into fists, stretching out his fingers when they were released. She’s seen this movement from him only once before, and it didn’t turn out so good for the other boy he was facing that night.
“FOUR!”
Billy patiently waited for a response, Dennis coming up with one he wasn’t expecting. The older boy chuckled at him, looking back over at Jess before saying, “Didn’t seem like your girl when I was talkin’ to her.”
“THREE!”
Billy’s expression slowly changed from enraged to feigned amusement, smiling maliciously before he chuckled back, scrunching up his nose as he did so. He continued to stare at him, nodding wordlessly before running his tongue along his top row of teeth.
“TWO!”
Steve seemed to recognize this look as well, taking a step forward to get ready to shield Jess if needed, but still not obstructing her view. She then watched as Billy took one last look over at her, the same smile still there, but his mouth now closed. However, his eyes had a different look, almost apologetic in a way, before he turned back his attention to the creep in front of him.
“ONE!”
“Yeah... Don’t worry though, I’ll make sure to show her a good ti-“
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
Dennis’s snide comment was quickly interrupted by a fist to the mouth, causing everyone in the vicinity to back away, some staring wide-eyed, others now cheering. Despite Dennis being slightly taller and wider than Billy, he didn’t seem to be able to stand up to the younger teen, who was relentlessly throwing punch after punch, not stopping until one of Dennis’s other friends jabbed Billy in the gut. Jess watched the way Billy winced in pain, now turning his attention to the other boy. When she saw Dennis standing up again, now squaring up to take an unfair punch, Jess almost screamed at Billy to turn around, but Steve stopped her as he pushed her back against the crowd softly.
“Awe fuck,” Steve mumbled before quickly walking up to the other boy, grabbing his collar before shouting, “Hey!” He then swung his arm back, punching him so hard the boy’s cap flew off. Billy glanced over at Steve briefly, surprised at the sudden help. He then nodded at Steve before turning his attention back over to Dennis. Just when both Billy and Steve seemed to be holding their own, Steve taking on a few more punches than Billy, two other college boys stepped up, Christopher being one of them, who was now also swinging at Billy with Dennis. Jess could hardly keep track of the two boys she came with, watching helplessly as both of them disappeared in the middle of the four older ones. Jason and Patrick, however, emerged from the crowd, trying to pull the other boys off Steve and Billy. Jess watched as Jason grabbed for Christopher, who quickly turned and clocked Jason in the jaw, taking him aback only for a moment before he tackled Tina’s brother to the ground. The fighting went on for only moments more until Jess suddenly saw Billy grab for Dennis’s legs, swiftly lifting him and slamming him into Tina’s coffee table, the legs buckling and center cracking from the weight.
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” Tina’s voice could be heard over everyone’s cheering, which quickly stopped once she screamed. “MY PARENTS ARE GONNA FREAK!!” Billy slowly rose from the top of Dennis, dusting his legs off before straightening back up, grimacing in pain as he did. Jason and Patrick both helped Steve off the floor who was now sporting a bloody nose. Billy simply stared at Dennis as he pitifully rolled off the now broken table onto his hands and knees, having a hard time getting back on his feet. Chrissy was now at Jess’s side, holding her hand in anticipation as she looked over at her boyfriend, who was also holding onto his own nose, blood dripping from his hand. However, Jess overlooked Jason’s or Patrick’s injuries, her worried gaze leaving Steve and now focusing on Billy, who now had a bruise forming on his cheek, his bottom lip cut. He had yet to look over at her, his eyes still fixed on the boy on the floor almost as if he was challenging him to get back up. He didn’t even flinch or look over when Tina began to yell again next to him.
“All of you!” She then pointed at all the boys but her brother, “OUT!”
Jason began trying to speak up, “C’mon Tina, they-“
“I said GET OUT!”
Jason ran his hand over his face, flicking blood off, walking toward Chrissy, grabbing her hand with his unbloodied one, then nodding at Jess. “Let’s get out of here.” He then looked at the older boys in disgust as he led the girls to the front door, Patrick already out in the front yard. Billy swiped his jacket from the couch, looking back unsatisfied at Dennis one last time before turning and leaving as well, gesturing at Steve to follow him. Billy quickly caught up to Jess, staying close behind her. She could hear how rapidly he was breathing, making her look back at him, causing him to lock eyes with her before he placed his hand on the small of her back, telling her to keep moving. When they finally reached the concrete step that separated the communal sidewalk from the path leading up to Tina’s doorway, all four boys plopped down to sit, looking exhausted. Jess was the first to speak.
“I’m so sorry guys I-“
“Don’t you dare fuckin’ apologize.” Billy stopped her, shaking his head as he stared blankly across the street.
“Yeah, it’s not your fault, Jess.” Steve agreed, flashing her a sympathetic smile. “You alright?”
Before Jess could answer, however, Billy snapped his head in Jess’s direction, his eyes coming back into focus. “Let me see it,” he demanded, his voice lower in register.
“What?” Jess looked back at him now, confused at what exactly he was requesting.
“Your wrist. Let me see it.” He held out his hand, figuring she would automatically comply, placing her hand into his, allowing him to examine it carefully as he intended. When she didn’t make a move to do so, his eyes darkened. “Jess…”
The wrist in question was tucked securely under her blue sleeve, her fingers grasping the fabric against her palm tightly. She had yet to look at it either, but she was sure there was at least a red mark, based on how tight the older boy had ahold of it and how promptly Billy removed his grip when he saw it. She had just watched Billy calm down a bit, and she wasn’t too keen on seeing his rage spike back up.
“You alright, kid?” Steve now reached for it, the wrist being closer to him than it was to Billy, but she moved it out of easy reach.
“You guys are freaking out over nothing, it’s fine.”
“Then let me see it,” Billy spoke again, his voice attempting to hold steady, not wanting Jess to mistake his anger as being directed at her.
“I’ll let you see it when we get out of here…” Jess softly responded, causing Billy to rise from his concrete seat next to Steve, his leather jacket still in hand. “Billy…” He said nothing in response, draping the jacket over Jess’s shoulders before gently reaching for her left wrist, raising it close to his chest before pushing her sleeve out of the way. Jess was surprised to see bruised lines forming in the shape of fingers. They were light, but certainly there. She then looked up at Billy, who was contorting his mouth in an angered frown, looking over her shoulder and then back at her wrist, as if trying to adjust his eyesight to ensure he was seeing this right.
“Ga’damn,” Patrick now stood next to her, peering over to see the bruises. “That’s fucked, Logan.”
Jess’s eyes moved in his direction in annoyance, indicating he wasn’t helping any, Patrick throwing up his hands in response. Billy still had yet to say a thing, still adjusting his eyesight away from her wrist, only to find himself looking at it again, becoming more unwound with every glance. When he couldn’t keep looking at it, he turned to face Tina’s front door, his chest now heaving.
“Billy no,” Jess said suddenly, not knowing whether he was thinking about going back in to find Dennis again or not.
Steve must have felt the tension as well, also rising from the step, looking down at Jess’s wrist once, cringing at the sight of it. “C’mon man, let’s just leave.”
“And go where? Our rides are still inside.” Jason finally spoke up, still sitting as Chrissy stood over him, her hands secured in his, him not wanting to let go of her just yet.
“You guys didn’t drive here?” Jess asked, looking over at Steve who typically always took his car.
“Not this time.”
“Awe shit…” Patrick cursed, sitting himself back down next to Jason.
“I can’t go back home now, my mom’s gonna flip if she sees blood all over me, gotta at least get this shit off me,” Jason groaned, Patrick quickly agreeing with him.
“We could always go back to Benny’s like we planned?” Chrissy suggested, now trying to rub some of the blood off his cheeks.
“With what car, babe?”
Jess gave Billy an inquiring look, practically asking permission before she mentioned his car out loud.
“Can’t drive yet, princess… thought we’d be here for another two hours.”
“Steve’s sober,” she quickly responded.
He glanced over at Steve, now standing awkwardly next to the two of them, before shaking his head. “Hell no.”
“C’mon, Billy. You wanna sit here the rest of the night? Let’s go to Benny’s, you guys wash up, let the rest of your buzz go ‘way in the next couple hours.” When he didn’t budge, she added, “He’s a really good driver…” causing Billy to roll his eyes.
Jason and Patrick looked up hopefully at Billy, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible as other classmates were now starting to come outside to ‘mingle’, making sure to continue to stare at the banished group. “There’s not ‘nuff seats, and the back’s small as shit.”
“It’s cool, Chris will sit on my lap, Jess and Pat can sit in the back with us, you get front since it’s your car. No big deal.”
Billy stood there for a moment, considering everything he heard before wordlessly tossing his keys to Steve. He then walked ahead of them, a little peeved this was how his night was ending, with a busted lip, a bruised ego, a ruined buzz, Steve fucking Harrington now driving his prized possession, and worst of all, it was his first real night out with Jess.
“Fuckin’ perfect,” He mumbled under his breath, “Just great.”
When they finally reached his car, he stood by the passenger door, eyeing Steve with warning. “If you put a single scratch on her, you’re dead.” He then threw the seat in the upright position, moving out of the way so Jess could squeeze in the middle. Steve did the same, Jason moving into the back seat behind the driver’s side, positioning himself before outstretching his hand to help Chrissy onto his lap. When Patrick began to enter behind Jess, Billy suddenly stopped him, grabbing him by the shirt and tugging backward before mumbling, “You take front.”
Jess smiled when she saw Billy enter, pushing herself over into Jason more to try and make room for him. When he was semi-comfortable, he adjusted the seat back to allow Patrick to sit, leaning back after to try and relax. However, the tight fit made that difficult, not having much room for his legs. He stretched his left arm behind Jess, shifting every two seconds. “Ah shit…”
“Here, you want me to…” Jess then tried scooting her leg out of the way to allow Billy’s leg more room in the middle.
After a few more failed attempts to sit comfortably, Billy grumbled in irritation. “Fuck it. C’mere.” He then grabbed Jess by the hips and effortlessly positioned her on his right leg, her back now facing the small triangle window. He placed his right arm in between her and the door, providing her back with more support, shifting lower so her head wasn’t rubbing against the ceiling. Her legs dangled in between Billy’s, which were now comfortably spread. “This alright?” He whispered in her ear.
She began to nod when Steve entered the car, looking behind him. “You guys okay back th- … ere.” His eyes fixed on Jess and Billy, giving them both a disapproving stare. However, it only lasted for a moment before he turned back around, turning the ignition. He then readjusted the rearview mirror so Jess was able to see his eyes clearly. “Ready to go then? You guys… situated?”
“Ready when you are, Harrington,” Jason grinned, squeezing Chrissy’s thigh as he winked at her playfully.
“Jess?” Steve questioned, glancing back at her through the mirror.
“Uh y-up! Ready!”
Steve nodded, appearing to relax as he accepted her response, again adjusting the mirror so he could see the road behind him.
“Let’s get the hell outta here then.”
Taglist: @nix-rose @fandom-princess-forevermore @ooo---hazelgrimm---ooo @axionn @defenslessheart-main @the-lost-are-ignored @ahoyyharrington @strawberrykittey
#billy hargrove fanfiction#billy hargrove imagine#billy hargrove#billy hargrove stranger things#billy stranger things#billy hargrove fic#billy hargrove x reader#billy deserved better#billy hargrove antis dni#billy antis dni#billy hargrove x oc#billy hargrove x fem!oc#billy hargrove angst#stranger things x reader#stranger things 2#stranger things 3#stranger things
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₊ ⊹ the price of the name.
synopsis: reader has had a hard life, and now she’s an orphan. but someone just as lonely comes into her life to take her under his wing.
warnings: death. suicidal thoughts. grief. angst. miguel being a hardass. cursing/adult language.
notes: ok, here we go. the last part. star girl kisses hobie on the cheek, and they have some romantic implications. HOWEVER. i did not write them to be romantic. i just see hobie as a very physically affectionate person (especially since i’m this way.)
part i | part ii | part iii | part iv
word count: 2.6k
part v : void
. ˚ * ✦ . . ✦ ˚
cursed daughter,
uttering insanities no one believes,
do you regret taking the vow?
“you die.”
it felt like the ground was dropping out from under you, like the void had somehow traveled from your dead universe to this one to drag you down where you belonged.
in the grave. in the ground. gone.
you were staring at lyla. or maybe you weren’t. her orange form blended and swirled as tears overflowed your eyes and dripped down your cheeks. all the fight, the rage, the energy, was gone. snuffed like a candle flame.
just like you should be right now.
“i was supposed to die.” you whispered, more to yourself than miguel or lyla. “but i was somewhere else.”
anger lit in your chest fast, ignited by the frustration that had grown for months in your mind, words yelled at mirrors and whispered to the ceiling.
you turned to miguel, still on the ground as you raised your voice.
“i was somewhere else because of your sorry ass beating a mother fucking teenager to death! because i had to protect a child! from you!” you stepped up, rising slowly even as your knees shook. “if i hadn’t been worried about miles or you or your determination to keep the canon intact, then it would have been fine! i would have died, and everyone in my universe would have been okay!”
deflect, ignore the problem, fight, rage, scream.
you hated how similar you were to miguel.
you hated him.
he stood still as a statue, watching you with a defeated expression as you self destructed.
“y/n…” he tried, voice the softest you had ever heard it.
and you broke.
your knees buckled, but he was there in an instant, hands looping under your arms so that you didn’t fall. he pulled you into him, even as your fists beat against his chest.
“i hate you so fucking much. i hate how you make me feel and i hate what you did and i hate you-“ you sobbed, trying and failing to grapple with the weight of what had happened.
and through it all he just held you, tucking your head under his chin.
“i know, mija.” he whispered, his hand resting against the back of your neck to pull you against him.
“if you hadn’t been an asshole and chased a kid then it would have been alright. all those people would be alive and-“
“and you’d be dead.” he finished, his arm around you tightening slightly. “and i think we both know i wouldn’t let that happen.”
you felt repulsed, like his hands were burning, a betrayal to a boy beaten by the same palms. but you were also desperate, clinging to a life you lived for nine months only to be stripped from it completely. you wanted this contact, craved this hug.
your mind cried TRAITOR and your heart cried HOME. it was a contradiction that made you ache, a reminder of what was gone and would never return.
your hands clenched the material of miguel’s suit tight, bunching it as you wheezed. you felt so small, and yet so large. grief scratched at you with newly sharper claws, and guilt followed at its heels.
miguel’s hold tightened.
your mind switched to analytical thinking, trying to procure a solution, to fix what you had broken.
the answer came clearly, emerging from the darkest spot of your mind like a banished creature.
“you need to kill me.”
miguel pulled back just enough to look down at you, his hands moving to your upper arms to grip you in an unyielding hold. his eyes filled with a solemn determination that made you want to sob, made you want to scream.
“it won’t bring them back.” he whispered, resting his forehead against yours. “nothing you or i or lyla or anyone does will bring them back.”
the void at your toes, ready to swarm. an ocean of black silence, waiting to drown you.
“there has to be a way, miguel. please. if my universe collapsed because i didn’t die, then maybe if i died it would come ba-“
“do you think i didn’t try that when gabriella’s universe disappeared?” he asked, voice firm but expression soft. “i tried for weeks, never truly sleeping. i went through data and experimentation just for a chance to reassemble a universe. it doesn’t matter.”
your chest tightened, your breath limited as you tried to force a rhythm.
in, hold, out.
all those children.
in, hold, out.
mothers and fathers.
in, hold, out.
AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT.
miguel pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you.
the thoughts muted, the world dark and warm as you pressed your face to his chest. his arms, keeping you safe from the outside.
the tears didn’t stop for a long time, and neither did your choked cries. but it didn’t matter to him. it didn’t matter that there was a wet patch in his suit that most definitely included snot as well as tears.
he guided you through breathing, moving his hand in rhythmic circles on the upper plane of your back as he whispered “in, and out” over and over until your heartbeat calmed.
miguel knew that this was just the beginning. there would be late nights and frustrated yelling and breakdowns for a long time. it would take months to heal, months to work this guilt out of you.
but he’d be there every step of the way.
he refused to leave you again.
“you’re a hypocrite.” you whispered, and again he pulled back to look at you.
your eyes were set in firm decisiveness, as though you’d been thinking about this for some time. his gut twisted and his frustration flared slightly, but his inclined his head to let your speak.
you took a breath. “you’d save me for the sake of your own benefit. you care for me- i make you less lonely.” she held up her hand when his mouth opened, and his words died on his tongue. “you’d let my entire universe die just to have me.”
your voice faltered as tears balled in your throat, but you swallowed and carried on. miguel needed to hear this, and you were pretty sure you were the only person he’d hear it from.
“that’s selfish. incredibly so. but.” she trailed off, piecing the words together and preparing for his rebuttal. “when miles wants to save his father, it’s a cardinal sin.”
“y/n, it’s diff-“
“no, it’s not.” you cut him off, and again his mouth shut. he had forgotten just how quick your words were, no doubt sharpened by your temporary grounding.
“you’re sympathetic to me, but you slam a boy, a boy, miguel, into a train because he wants to save his father. meanwhile, you’d save your daughter without so much as a second thought? that’s hypocrisy.”
his eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t interrupt.
“all i ask is that you give him the same grace. can’t you understand why he refuses to follow your orders?
miguel sighed, keeping his eyes on you.
“miles is an anomaly, he’s was never meant to be spider-man-“
“enough of that. that has nothing to with the canon event. the universe didn’t collapse when he was bitten. it’s not his fault.”
“he is the beginning of this, the reason why there even is a spider society.”
your eyes narrowed, anger rising as you remembered the broken boy with bandages on his chest. “so you’re going to traumatize him? as punishment? he doesn’t deserve this blame, and you should never have reinforced it into his head. he’s fifteen, miguel. fifteen and scared. and now his head is full of your rhetoric, full of this hate that he doesn’t deserve. it’s not fair.”
you paused, and miguel worked his jaw, speechless.
“there must be another way. the canon has been flexible before. we can’t bring my universe back, but maybe we can save his. without making him watch his father die.” a tear slipped from your eye as you shoved down your sadness, forcing yourself to move on in order to help miles.
miguel’s thumb caught the tear before it fell, and you leaned into his palm.
“i think you need to sit this one out.” he whispered, eyes full of concern as your own blinked open. “i made the mistake of training you too early after your mother died, i won’t make the same mistake by allowing you to rush into this while you’re falling apart.”
you watched him, processing his words.
he was right, of course. it wasn’t healthy to push grief aside for later, especially this kind. the kind that poked at your throat and dug into your stomach. but the clock was ticking. a little less than two days.
you wanted nothing more than to curl up into a bed and cry. but you didn’t have time.
“i need to do this. and i need you to be there with me when i do, at my side. not against me. and after we figure this out, i’ll go to therapy and we can eat ice cream or whatever shit people normally do when they’re sad. ok?” you said.
this was the price of the name. sacrifice. pain. suffering. all for the greater good of the people.
miguel’s thumb stroked across your cheekbone as his jaw feathered.
“please. let me finish this.” you whispered.
miguel’s decision appeared in his eyes before it came out of his mouth.
“is this our tradition now?” he asked, and your face broke into a watery smile.
“fucking shit up despite our metal health? i guess so.” you laughed as you rubbed the heel of your hand against your eye, rubbing tears from your face.
“lyla?” you called, and she appeared at your shoulder. “can you help me reach hobie?”
lyla nodded, but miguel’s eyes hardened. “what do we need him for?” he asked, already sounding exasperated.
you smiled. “if you want to really fuck the system, you call the anarchist.” you said as you tapped at your watch.
i need some help defying the canon. you in?
it only took a few seconds for a reply.
let’s raise hell. meet you at my place in an hour.
i have miguel. but he’s leashed.
miguel looked over your shoulder, scoffing at the message.
“leashed?” he asked, and you smiled wickedly.
“you will be if you don’t listen. i’m not above webbing you to a wall and taking Rapture away from you.” you patted his shoulder. “just behave.”
you opened a portal when a thought rose suddenly.
“do you have any causal clothes?” you asked over your shoulder, and miguel raised a brow at you.
“for what?”
you grinned. “hard to be incognito in a spider suit. we need to blend in where we’re going.”
he smirked. “and what about you? think no one’s gonna stare at that suit just as much as mine?”
your teeth flashed as your grin widened. “i have clothes at hobie’s place.”
miguel’s amused expression dropped, and the glint in his eye told you that you may have to stand in front of hobie when he came back.
when he returned with clothes, grumpy as ever, you turned to the portal and jumped in, miguel at your heels.
₊ ⊹
“i cant fold it right, mine keeps bursting open.” you sighed, showing miguel the embarrassment of an empanada in your hands.
he shook his head at you, having already made a pile of at least ten. “it’s too much filling. you’re smart: use deductive reasoning.”
you elbowed him in the side, and he pretended to be wounded, letting out a fake gasp of pain.
you had both gone to the grocery store as soon as you entered earth-138, grabbing the necessary ingredients for a meal for the kids.
you had resolved that, if miguel couldn’t fully verbally apologize yet, then he could at least make them dinner.
and miguel had dragged his feet, refusing to give his input as you walked the aisles of produce and food. but when you fixed him with a glare and a sharp word, he had straightened up, explaining what exactly you needed.
and that brought you here, assembling empanadas with salsa verde and mexican rice on the counter of hobie’s house boat.
the group was late, though hobie had messaged you telling you that it was because they were talking miles into actually going in. the boy was terrified, but hobie and gwen were assuring him that everything was fine.
miguel placed the empanadas in the oven as the door to the boat clicked open and the spider band stepped though.
thank god it was spacious, you thought as the filed in.
you stepped forward to hobie, who embraced you with an arm around your waist and his mouth to your ear.
“one word and he’s a dead man.” he murmured to you as his eyes stayed fixed on miguel over your shoulder.
you garnered that miguel was staring back based on the tingling feeling of your skin.
“i got it. but noted.” you replied, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you pulled back.
his hands found your shoulders, leaning down to level a look at you. “you good?” he asked earnestly, his eyes concerned.
your smile was small, but it was a start.
“i’m good. better now.” you whispered, and he squeezed your shoulders.
he moved to the side, and your eyes caught miles’s, who stood with his arms limply at his side in a corner of the room.
you walked over to him, and his jaw clenched.
“i’m so sorry.” he whispered, and your heart ached.
“its not your fault. fate is a bitch sometimes.” you said as you slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. his arms wrapped around your back gratefully.
you reached a hand to gwen and pavitr, and they joined the hug.
“my baby spiders.” you cooed. “i missed you.”
you pulled away to look around at the others, nodding to noir and peter b and fist bumping peni.
you met miguel’s eyes, and he nodded.
deep breath. it’s not like this is the end of the word or anything.
“we have less than two days to find a solution to save miles dad. the cannon is temperamental, but it is flexible. there must be a way other than jefferson’s death that can prevent earth-1610 from collapsing. any ideas?”
you gazed around the room to blank stares and thoughtful expressions. silence pressed against your ears as no one replied.
“my dad stepped down.” came a hesitant voice.
you turned to find gwen staring at you with a hopeful expression.
“he stepped down from being captain.” she said again. she looked to the side at miles. “after he found out my identity.”
something like hope grew in your chest as you glanced again at miguel. he looked back with a soft expression, tilting his head at you.
“he’ll never step down.” miles sighed, his fingers finding his temple.
“but it shows that there’s wiggle room.” you said, and miles’s eyes peeked at you.
“nothing is black and white. it’s not simple, but it’s a start.” you said as you walked over to the oven, getting out the empanadas.
“brain food?” asked peter b, and you smiled.
miguel stood beside you, preparing plates.
“not bad, y/n.” he said, and you leaned your side against his for a moment.
“where there’s a will, there’s a way.” you said, passing out plates before taking a seat next to hobie on the floor.
you looked around at the group, a smile rising on your face.
“spot’s on the move in 1610.” announced lyla, and hobie turned to you.
“okay, star girl. what’s the plan?”
. ˚ * fin ✦ . . ✦ ˚
taglist: aka my little stars
@brittany69 @ladyfairenvale @teamwolverine @kinkybandages @lunamhm565i @dhadiirah @pearlssdiary @zeyzeys-stuff @alexisabirdie @ifuckyourmom @hagdgishr @migueloharaslxt @ladynecromancer @leviathxn @khaylin27 @dulceteris @mouthfulofpearls @alecmores @kissitoffme @mvlanchqly
oh my goodness. thank you all so much for your love and kind words. this is my first finished series, and it’s crazy to think that it all started with a thought of
“what if miguel had a daughter who’s universe collapsed?”
and it’s become a series with followers and people who love it. i’m so incredibly thankful for both your love and your patience- i went through a very hard friendship breakup that kind of ruined my spirit for a while. hence why this took so long.
i know there will be some of you who are not satisfied with this ending. i myself am never truly honestly satisfied with what i write. but i wanted to get this out into the world. BUT. my asks are always open for questions, requests, and headcanons for this story. it’s very dear to my heart, and i’m just so amazed at you all.
my little stars, i hope you enjoyed ‘the price of the name’.
all my love,
pearl ♡
#—the price of the name#miguel spiderverse#miguel x reader#dad!miguel o’hara#dad!miguel x daughter!reader#miguel ohara x fem!reader#platonic!miguel ohara x reader#miguel ohara
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The Forgotten Spaces | ch 4 (jjk)
☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?
☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader
☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there will be mature content in later chapters)
☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff
☆warnings: nausea, hangover, the park jimin effect, drinking, cursing? a time skip of a month
☆word count: 9.6k
☆a/n: why is posting making me anxious? fun fact, I'm posting from New York City this week! Went to the two first Agust D concerts ayyy
☆a/n pt2: always and forever thankful for @moonleeai and her dedicated work as my beta reader <3
☆series masterpost here
☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces
☆☆☆☆☆
For this meeting of our end of the world
It's with you that I want to sing
On the threshold of the memories the dead of today
Them that breathe for us
The forgotten spaces
Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)
☆☆☆☆☆
Saturday, May 19th
Jungkook feels sick. Sick of everything, but mostly sick because his hungover has kept him in bed all day. He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to pull up for dance practice later. All he knows is that his room has been spinning whenever he wakes up from naps, and that he fucked up majestically last night.
He doesn’t quite remember everything he said. He just remembers you, in his room, and then you being gone, replaced by Jimin and Taehyung.
The only thing he knows is that you know. The text that’s been sitting on his phone all day is reminder enough.
[11:12 am] You: hey, i hope ur okay this morning.. if u ever wanna talk about last night, we can grab a coffee or smth😌
He doesn’t know what to say, so he hasn’t replied. Because he’s not okay at all, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with you.
Especially not when he hasn’t been able to eat anything since the first time he woke up today. It’s nearing 4 pm now, and he technically needs to be at the studio in two hours. Hobi already said he’d pick him up, but he’s still far from being presentable right now.
Jungkook groans, hiding his face in his pillow. You come up in his mind, the look of horror on your face last night making everything spin around him twice as much as before. Whenever he closes his eyes, you’re there, and he almost hopes to go blind.
Though he’s pretty sure you’d find a way to haunt him even if he was blind.
Another groan escapes him, and he turns his head to the side as someone knocks on his door. “Uh?” he lets out, loud enough for whoever it is to hear.
He’s surprised to see it’s Yoongi as the man opens the door. “I made you soup,” Yoongi says, and sure enough he is carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of soup on top of it.
Jungkook expects the thought of eating to make him feel worse, but surprisingly enough, no nausea rises inside of him. Instead, he realizes his stomach feels dreadfully empty, so he forces himself to sit, wincing at the throbbing pain at his temples.
It’s almost enough to make him forget the pain in his leg.
“Did you take any painkillers?” Yoongi asks as he puts down the tray at the foot of the bed. “And have you drank any water?”
“Yes and yes,” Jungkook replies, voice raucous from disuse. “Pretty sure I could use some more painkillers though.”
Yoongi nods, watching his younger friend carefully. “Do you need me to go get you some?”
Jungkook slowly shakes his head no. “I need to get out of bed if I want to make it to dance practice.”
At that Yoongi laughs. “Good luck with that.”
Jungkook frowns, glaring at Yoongi. “I’m very capable, I’ll have you know.”
“Your room smells like someone died in here.”
Though he’s usually sensitive to smell, Jungkook’s hungover state keeps him from being able to tell if the room really does stink. “Tae and Jimin cleaned up.”
“Then you must be the dead body,” Yoongi says, in that deadpan kind of way of his. He shrugs his shoulders, before adding, “Anyway, just eat and then take a shower. I’m sure you’ll feel better.”
Jungkook nods and watches as Yoongi makes to move out of his room. Yoongi’s at the door when Jungkook says, “Hyung?” Yoongi turns around, a quizzical look on his features. “Thank you for the soup.”
A smile breaks out across Yoongi’s face. “Anytime.”
And then Yoongi leaves, shutting the door softly behind him, and Jungkook is left alone once again. He looks down at the soup, and he realizes he really is hungry. He pulls the tray closer to him, making sure the soup doesn’t spill over the rim of the bowl, before grabbing the spoon.
The first spoonful of soup has his eyes fluttering shut with delight. Yoongi’s always been an amazing cook, and he hasn’t disappointed today. It awakens Jungkook more than anything else could have, and he’s finished the bowl of soup so quickly he almost considers eating the tray.
He’s still famished, but at least he’s got something in his stomach now. It’s enough to get him to stand from his bed, and though everything wobbles for a few seconds, he’s able to start gathering what he’ll need for his trip to the shower.
The shower really helps make him feel human again, and he’s relieved. As he steps out and looks at himself in the mirror, eyes dipping to his scars, he feels ready to confront the whole world if need be. He won’t have to bail on dance practice after all.
He’s down in the kitchen, eating some reheated pizza from last night, when Hobi arrives. His older friend pats him on the back, before putting down a Gatorade in front of him.
“Thought you’d need this,” he says, before climbing on the stool next to Jungkook.
Jungkook chuckles, immediately uncapping the Gatorade to take a long swig. It’s the last thing he needed to feel as good as new, and he offers Hobi a wide grin as soon as he puts the bottle down.
“I sure did,” he says, and the two friends laugh.
One thing that doesn’t change though, is the heaviness in Jungkook’s heart. Because if you know, then it’s just a matter of time before the rest of the crew knows. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to deal with everyone pitying him at the same time.
Maybe then he’ll just have to dip again.
Jin comes into the kitchen, and he stops as he sees Jungkook and Hobi at the counter. Valeria trails behind him, and Jungkook is struck dumb once more.
He never thought Jin would be able to pull the girl. He’s still surprised that she does exist, and whenever he’s alone with Jin he makes it a priority to remind his older friend.
“Sup’ losers,” Jin says as he starts moving again, heading towards the fridge to store the bottle of rosé wine he’s holding. “Surprised you were able to get out of bed.”
He says that over his shoulder looking right at Jungkook, who rolls his eyes. “I’m not a senior citizen like you, I’ve still got youth on my side.”
“Listen you little shit,” Jin bursts out, and Valeria starts laughing. It has the effect of a calming shower on Jin, who only glares at Jungkook. “You’re lucky the lady is here. Otherwise you’d be dead.”
“If you’d be able to catch me, that is.”
Jin looks towards Hobi.
“Don’t ask me for help,” Hobi says, raising his hands in defense. “You’re all alone on this.”
Jin’s head turns towards his girlfriend next. She’s shy, and Jungkook has never really talked to her before. So when he and Hobi look at her too, she blushes, before shrugging.
Jin lets out a childish whine, before saying, “Alright then, I’m old.”
“We like you like that.” Valeria is the one that speaks, and Jungkook chokes on a laugh as he turns back towards Jin.
“You heard her.”
Jin is fake-glaring at his girlfriend, but then his features soften. “Yeah, but at least she’s pretty.” And just like that he moves out of the kitchen, pulling Valeria behind him.
“I’ve been told I’m pretty too,” Jungkook yells behind Jin, and Hobi laughs next to him. “He’s so whipped,” Jungkook says after a few seconds, just to make sure Jin is out of earshot. His comment makes him think about another couple that’s starting to form, and he turns to look at Hobi. “And you? What’s up with Jiho?”
Hobi chokes, flushing fully red, up to the top of his ears. “What do you mean?”
Jungkook raises his eyebrows as he tries to hold in the shit-eating smirk that wants to form on his lips. “What do I mean? Why did you invite her yesterday?”
“I –” Hobi says. “I just thought it’d be fun to hang with the crew…”
“The crew?” The smirk has won now, and it breaks across Jungkook’s lips.
“Well, you know, just like…” Hobi falls silent, before letting out a strangled laugh. “I honestly didn’t see it coming.”
It’s cute, and Jungkook’s smirk turns into a softer smile. “To be honest, me neither.”
“She’s got balls though,” Hobi says, laughing lightly this time. “She’s the one who suggested we should go on a date, after dance practice last week.”
All that Jungkook remembers of that night is that he walked with you after. The rest is a blur of anxiety and his leg hurting. But he’s not surprised that Jiho’s got balls: she has to be your closest friend for a reason.
“You said yes, I hope,” Jungkook says.
Hobi slowly nods. “Yeah. But I invited her yesterday because of that too. And we’re going to a restaurant she suggested tomorrow.”
Jungkook doesn’t have to fake the happiness that takes over him right now. He’s happy for his friend, he really is. For his friends, plural. Because Taehyung, Jin, Yoongi and now Hobi… They’re all happy. They all have met someone, someone to care for them where no one else can. Strangely, it’s something Jungkook doesn’t really want for himself right now, maybe because he’s too stuck in the past.
Too stuck trying to heal from the crash, knowing some parts won’t ever heal and refusing to give up the fight for now.
It brings him back to you. To last night, and to whatever he said. He wishes he could remember the words, just to know how bad he fucked up, but he doesn’t. He won’t remember, and he won’t ask you.
He won’t take you up on your offer for coffee. He knows pity when he sees it, and he abhors it. Especially when it comes from you.
Instead, he focuses on Hobi, on the smile that lights up his friend’s face as he tells him about Jiho, about how they’ve been texting almost constantly. It’s all Hobi talks about on the ride to the studio, as he mentions stuff Jiho told him.
Stuff she told him about her when she was younger, but also about you. About how you’ve been friends since the first day of kindergarten, when someone pulled her braids and laughed at her and you punched them in the face.
He’s not surprised child you would punch someone that deserved it in the face. He’s pretty sure adult you would do it too.
Hobi parks his car next to the studio, and they are getting out of the vehicle when Jungkook notices you walking, hands buried in yet another oversized sweater. You’re wearing yoga pants underneath, and your hair is pulled up in a high ponytail. You catch his gaze a few seconds after he notices you, and he’s about to smile at you when you just look away, walking in the building without once glancing back.
What the fuck?
Jungkook frowns, especially as Hobi says, “What happened with Y/n last night?”
For some reason, Jungkook immediately grows defensive. He shrugs, a little vehemently before starting to walk towards the door. “Nothing happened. Just let it slip that I got into a car crash.”
“So she knows?” Hobi asks.
Another shrug of Jungkook’s shoulders. He buries his hands in the pockets of his black sweatpants, just to hide the way he’s clenching his fists even though he’s trying to stay calm. “Yeah. So everyone will know.”
“I don’t think so,” Hobi says, and Jungkook glances at him, brows knit together. “I mean, she’s good at keeping secrets.”
“She’s probably already told Jiho,” Jungkook points out as they reach the door. He doesn’t see you on the other side, and that’s the only reason why he opens it.
“Well, Jiho didn’t say anything about you, if that can reassure you.”
Hobi has felt the switch in his mood, hasn’t he? Because his voice is careful, as if he’s afraid to spook him.
“I don’t care,” Jungkook lies. Because he really does care. He doesn’t want everyone to know. Because it makes it too real, and for now he still can pretend it hasn’t happened.
He wishes for it to stay that way.
Hobi doesn’t push him more, and a tense silence moves between them. Jungkook wishes he could go back to his previous good mood about his friends’ happiness, but he’s back where he was last night. Somewhere in the dark of his own mind.
Not a good place to hang, if he’s honest.
He already knows he’s going to see you when he reaches the studio. Somehow, it still makes his heart constrict in his chest, that same way it did last night. As if someone is clenching their fist around it, and it makes it harder to breathe. He shrugs it off, taking a deep breath to calm down, before looking around.
Everyone but Heather is already here. And no one is looking at him, no one seems surprised or seems to be pitying him. You don’t even act like you noticed him entering – you take off your sweater, dropping it in a corner of the room with your phone and your keys. He hates it, but his eyes follow the curves of your body, and he wants to curse you for only wearing a sports bra.
Your body is lean, the results of dancing for most of your life with a mother that used to be a ballerina. Jungkook is pretty sure she’s controlled everything you ate growing up, and drilled it so hard into your head that you can’t stand bad food now. He remembers, when you were younger and someone brought cake to practice to celebrate a birthday, you always barely took a bite before saying you were full. You claimed you didn’t like cake, but he always noticed the way you eyed it while everyone else ate.
He used to make fun of you for it, and today he knows he was an asshole. All he can hope is that your relationship with food is better now. And it looks like it is – you’re not as thin as you were before. You look healthy, and your skin and hair are glowing.
It takes him a few good seconds to realize he’s staring, as if something about you has changed. And he doesn’t know what changed, just knows that he feels struck.
You notice him staring, and you furrow your brows. “What are you looking at?”
It’s said aggressively. As if you’re angry. He only then realizes that you might be, and maybe that’s why you ignored him outside. He can’t for the life of himself figure out why you’d be angry – did he say something yesterday?
“Nothing,” he replies, and he looks away as his heart beats out of his chest.
You act like that for the whole of practice. For all the pity looks Heather throws his way, you send twice as many glares. It feels like last night never happened, and maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was just a nightmare, and he never told you everything.
He knows you know though, because whenever he puts too much weight on his leg as he demonstrates the movements he has in mind, you clench your jaw. A muscle feathers under your skin, and then you look away. Shame passes on your features, and then it’s gone to be replaced with a scowl.
He’s getting tired of it by the end of practice, so he pulls you aside to talk. Jiho stubbornly stays next to you, until Hobi walks up to her and asks if he can talk to her, probably sensing that Jungkook needs some time alone with you.
You both glare at each other while the others filter out, wishing you good night. Jungkook hears Scottie teasing Lance about meeting up with a girl, and the last thing he hears is Lance telling him to fuck off before everyone is finally out.
It takes almost twenty seconds before you blink and say, “What do you want?”
“What’s wrong with you?” he asks, folding his arms on his chest as he cocks an eyebrow.
You scoff. “With me? Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”
Do you know or do you not? He’s a little confused as you just look at him, clearly expecting an answer. He’s dumbfounded – the last thing he expected from telling you everything was you being furious at him.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.
It’s just a back and forth of questions at this point, with no visible answers in the distance. Indeed, you just say, “Do you think you did something wrong?”
It’s absurd, and it makes him laugh. Which, he reckons, might be taken as insulting. And of course you take it the bad way, because how else would you take it?
“You’re so fucking oblivious,” you grumble.
He’s still laughing. He wants to stop, but for some reason he cannot.
“What’s so funny?” you enquire, and your cheeks are turning red.
“Just,” he starts, “I don’t know. The last thing I expected from last night was you getting angry at me.”
You roll your eyes. “If you were looking for pity you won’t get any from me.”
That’s the thing. He doesn’t want any pity from you. And you saying so makes something warm blossom in his chest, and it sobers him up. His face falls serious, and he holds your gaze long enough that you raise your eyebrows in question.
“Thank you,” he says.
You scoff. “You’re fucking weird, Jeon.”
He shrugs. “That’s why you like me, uh?”
Your eyes widen, and you look so appalled he just starts laughing again. “Quite the opposite actually,” you say even though he’s laughing. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t know,” he repeats. “I’m just relieved you haven’t changed.”
He really is. You have no idea how much.
“Okay?” you let out, and it sounds like a question. You scoff again, before adding, “Why didn’t you reply to my text?”
Oh, so this is what it’s about. You’re upset because he ignored your text. It feels absurd and stupid and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, so Jungkook just smiles and shrugs. “I genuinely don’t really want to talk about last night. I’m all okay today.”
And he does think he is, now that he’s talking to you.
You remain silent for a while, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip. You then brush a strand of hair that’s fallen from your ponytail behind your ear, nodding your head. “Understood. Won’t be nice to you again.”
“Oh please,” Jungkook teases. “You can’t resist it.”
He’s happy. The more he talks to you, the happier he is. He feels like he’s floating, and he wishes you’d both stay right then and there, in the studio, until the end of time.
He hasn’t felt so light in forever.
“Oh, I can, Jeon.” You fold your arms on your chest, imitating his posture. “Watch me.”
But there’s a teasing glint in your eyes, probably awakened by his own teasing demeanour.
“I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your text,” he apologizes, because he feels like he needs to clear the air with you. He doesn’t want you to be upset with him anymore. “I genuinely didn’t know what to say, and I figured I was going to see you tonight anyway.”
You look away for the first time in the conversation. Your eyes move down, and he’s pretty sure you’re looking at the scar on his stomach. It makes it itch, and if he weren’t with you, he’d scratch it. But he resists, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you look up at his eyes again.
“Well, forget I suggested coffee then,” you say. You wink at him. “I’ll start being a bitch again now.”
“Please do.”
You look startled. “You want me to be a bitch?”
He laughs, scratching the nape of his neck. “No.” He scrunches up his nose, thinking really hard about what he wants to say. Only he doesn’t know what to say. He feels like he’s never talked to you before in his whole life. He can barely remember breaking down in front of you not even twenty-four hours ago. “Yes? Just be your same usual self.”
“Noted,” you say, nodding your head forcefully.
It’s cute, and it makes your ponytail swing behind you. He has half a thought to reach and pull on it, just to annoy you, but he resists.
Instead, he looks around, before resuming his attention on you. “Just, one thing.”
You hold his gaze, cocking an eyebrow in question as you purse your lips. “Mmh?”
“Please don’t tell the others,” he says. It’s a little more serious than he was just a second ago, but he feels like it’s needed to get the point across. “I’d prefer if they didn’t know.”
The corners of your lips stretch into a small, soft smile. “I didn’t plan on telling anyone. I figured you’re the one that should tell them if you want to.” You glance towards the door, and you’re not watching him when you add, “I think Bridget told Heather though. And I don’t know if Heather will remain silent”.
He doesn’t care if Heather tells the others. He just doesn’t want you to do it. It makes no sense, but at the same time it makes all the sense in the world to him.
“Yeah, I think she knows too.” He pulls at his piercing, letting out a small sigh. “I’ll talk to her.”
You nod, and the room falls silent. He wishes he had more to tell you, but it seems you’ve run out of conversation topics, because you eventually wet your lips and say, “Well, I guess I’ll be going home now”. And then you laugh, shaking your head. “I was supposed to leave with Jiho, but I’m pretty sure she’s gone with Hobi.”
“Hobi talked about her for like an hour before we got here,” Jungkook admits, relieved that you provided a topic. “They’re going on a date tomorrow.”
You smile, widely, and he reckons you’re like him. Your friends’ happiness makes you happy, and happiness truly looks good on you. It makes your eyes sparkle, and you look like a kid who’s just received the perfect gift on Christmas morning.
“I know!” you yelp, taking him by surprise when you even clap your hands. “They’re going to the restaurant I suggested.”
There’s something warm in Jungkook’s chest. It just becomes stronger and stronger the more he looks at you, and it makes him feel wary. Enough so that he looks away and tries to tame it down.
“I hope everything will work out for them,” he says, and he scrapes his throat because the warmth is choking him up now.
“I’m sure it will”, you reply, confidently. “Jiho has been into him for like three years now.”
Jungkook feels bad for her, because three years ago Hobi was still with his ex. But it seems patience makes miracles, because she’s getting a date with Hobi now, isn’t she?
It makes Jungkook realize that sometimes, the right person for someone might have been around all along. They’ve just been blind to it. Now, that’s a thought that makes him want to get out of this room. To flee this cloud before it breaks, and he meets your gaze.
You’re watching him already, with a wistful look on your features. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
He hates it. Hates everything that your little sentence makes him feel, so he just nods his head, before saying, “It’s getting late, I should hurry if I want to catch the bus”.
Your eyes widen. “I’ll order you a Lyft, come on.”
“No!” he refuses. “It’s all good.”
“But it’s late,” you insist, and you bend down to grab your phone on your sweater.
It offers Jungkook a straight view to your cleavage, and he freezes, right as pink dusts his cheeks. “I swear,” he reassures you, adding your name before continuing, “I’d rather take the bus. But thank you for the offer.”
You fake-glare at him. “Right, I’m supposed to be a bitch anyway.” You fold your arms on your chest, cocking an eyebrow arrogantly, and you look just like you’ve always looked when you say, “What the fuck are you still doing here? You’re wasting my oxygen.”
It makes the both of you laugh, and Jungkook just shakes his head. “Please, I know you love looking at me.”
You look offended, somehow, and you scoff. “I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out of my head instead of having to look at you for a second longer.”
“Ouch, that was rough.”
“You deserved it.” You shrug your shoulders, before motioning at the door in a swooshing motion. “Now, go lick your wounds somewhere else.”
“Aren’t you leaving too?”
You glare at him now, and you’re so good at it he almost thinks you’re angry. “Why, do you want to walk me home?”
His mouth falls open. Would you let him walk you home? For some reason, he’s pretty sure you’ll punch him if he even suggests it. So instead, he chooses to say, “And suffer the whole way? Nah, I’m good.”
It’s a low-key mention of his injury. You immediately catch on to it, and Jungkook hates the look that takes over your features. He thought that you didn’t have pity for him in you, but it seems you do. You do and it feels like the fist around his heart is back, and the air burns a little.
You seem like you want to say something, but he’s quicker than you.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Jungkook.”
“No, I’m serious, don’t you fucking look at me like that.”
And just like that the light atmosphere shifted back into darkness.
You scoff, shaking your head. “And here I was starting to think that you’re a decent guy. Never mind, Jeon.” You scoff once more, and the corners of your mouth are pulled down in a look of pure disgust. “I’m going home.”
He lets you go. He doesn’t even look at you as you pick up your stuff and leave, not once glancing back.
No matter how enjoyable this interlude in your usual relationship was, Jungkook prefers the usual hate. It’s safer, more comfortable, and a habit that protects him from the vulnerability.
Why then is he staring at your text two hours later in his bed at home, unable to fall asleep, wishing he didn’t say what he did?
In all truth, he knows why, he just doesn’t want to formulate the thought. Doesn’t want to give it the power to exist in the confines of his brain. So he ignores it, shoves the warmth in his chest so far down in the hole occupied by his lost dream that he can’t really feel it anymore.
Only then does he feel safe again, but he still can’t fall asleep.
He hopes you’re not struggling with insomnia as much as he is.
Thursday, June 28th
The auditions for nationals are in a week. Seven days, and you’re still not sure you’ve mastered the choreography well. You’re anxious – have been for weeks now – and all you want is to lie down on the floor until everything is over.
Which, coincidentally, is what Lance has been doing for the last fifteen minutes, claiming he needed a break from Jungkook. Because Jungkook is worse than Hobi, making you repeat the choreography for stupid unnecessary things like Jiho’s hair was in her face or Scottie’s shirt rode too high while he was doing a certain move.
In May, when you learned about what happened to Jungkook, you had a few days of feeling bad for him. Wishing you didn’t get in a fight with him during that dance practice, wishing your relationship with him wasn’t just hateful.
It feels like there’s been too much history between you for it to ever change. Because you saw a glimpse of something else, for a few minutes that night. Jungkook was more open, calmer, and his expressions were set in a softer look. It was easier to be around him, more enjoyable, and you wished for a fleeting moment that it could last.
Alas, it only lasted a few minutes before he moved back to the harsh look he reserved for you, only because he assumed you were pitying him. Which, maybe you were. You don’t know. It’s hard to tell when you haven’t been through what he has, and when you can tell he suffers.
But you’re not sure if it’s pity or concern. You don’t think he can tell the difference either.
“Lance,” you grumble as you finish the choreography, heart beating out of your chest. “Get the fuck up we need you.”
Lance mumbles something incoherent, before turning his head away from where you’re glaring at him. It makes you look up to catch Jungkook’s gaze, and he immediately looks away the moment your eyes meet. He’s been doing that a lot now too. Where he used to glare at you or smirk insufferably, Jungkook just ignores you.
You don’t think you like it. But you’ve gotten used to it over the course of the last few weeks, so you just roll along with it now.
You’ve kept his secret safe. You thought it would be hard, especially to hide it from Jiho, but after a few days it just became normal. Jiho has more to tell you about Hobi anyway.
Because they’ve found time to go on dates every week since then. Sweet dates, with him picking her up and bringing her flowers and doing things that he knows make her happy. Even at dance practice, everyone can see how they are sickly into each other. You’re happy for Jiho, you really are, but it’s starting to feel a little lonely.
At least you’ve got Jo and the other girls now too. You’ve met the mysterious Kiko now – a sweet girl with the voice of an angel – and your girl’s nights with Jiho have turned into Thirsty Thursdays. You haven’t understood the meaning of the Thirsty yet, considering all of them are dating now, but you just roll along with it.
It’s led to fun nights, and that really is the only thing that matters, right?
Tonight makes no exception. Jiho, Heather and you have dance practice until 10 pm, and then you’re supposed to meet with the girls at a bar on their side of town. Which means you’re already dressed up, though you put on a sports skirt to avoid showing off your ass to the rest of the boys. Not that it would matter – Scottie is not interested in women at all, Lance only has eyes for Chaeyeon now, Hobi is way too respectful for that and Jungkook doesn’t even look at you anymore.
You scoff, glancing away from Jungkook to settle your gaze back on Lance. “Get up,” you repeat, before walking over to him to kick him in the ribs. “Or I’ll tell Chaeyeon how much of a loser you are.”
He fakes offence. “Me, a loser? Nah, we’re going to win this shit.”
The sudden confidence is a boost to everyone’s mood, and soon enough you’re back to dancing, with a much-needed vigor. It’s enough that Jungkook lets you go after you’ve done the choreographies two times more, telling everyone they did a good job.
“Same time Saturday,” he says.
You think you notice him looking at you in the mirror, but as soon as you turn your head in that direction he’s already glanced away, focusing himself on typing something on his phone.
“We know,” Lance says jokingly, before punching Jungkook in the shoulder.
Jungkook snickers, and he deadpans, “You were two hours late last week because you were too busy with your girlfriend”.
“Can’t blame me,” Lance says, shrugging his shoulders. “Chae comes first, the rest of you can suck it up.” It’s cute and endearing, and your heart feels warm as Lance glances your way. You have no idea what brings him to think of that, but he scans the whole room before suggesting, “We should rent a cottage. After the auditions. We should all get shitfaced for three days straight.”
Hobi laughs from where he’s standing next to Jiho. “Scottie is too young for that.”
“Hey, I’m twenty-two!” Scottie exclaims. “I can get shitfaced.”
“You’re a baby,” Heather puts in. “Just accept it. I refuse to acknowledge the fact you are major now.”
Scottie rolls his eyes, placing a sassy fist on his hip. “Then sucks to be you because I am, and I’m going to get shitfaced with Lance. Right?”
Lance has a large grin on his lips. “Damn fucking right.”
“As long as we get a cottage with a hot tub I’m in,” Jiho says innocently. Hobi cocks an eyebrow as he looks at her, as if he didn’t just say Scottie can’t go. “What?” Jiho adds, shrugging her shoulders. “A cottage weekend does sound like fun.”
It does. It really does. You haven’t gone to the countryside in years now, and you can already picture a cute, picturesque cottage on the side of a lake, with a long quay you can lie on and stargaze. The cottage has a fireplace, a circle of rock in the middle of which flames burn at night until they turn to embers and you roast marshmallows on it. You can almost feel the warmth of the hot tub, and the laughter of friends seems to almost overtake your ears…
Yeah, you’re due for a trip out of the city.
“I want marshmallows,” you say, sighing dreamily. “I haven’t had marshmallows since like…”
“Since the camping trip when we were thirteen? When Jisung got shit on by that seagull?”
You burst out laughing at the same time as Jiho does, right as the memory comes back to you. It had been a fun camping trip, with Jiho’s parents renting a camper. They had invited you along on their trip, and you had gone to the beach with them.
Good memories indeed.
Your laughter recedes, and you notice everyone is looking at you. Even Jungkook. His eyes are a little widened, as if he’s surprised, and there’s a light flush on his cheeks when he looks away.
It’s the strangest sight to see, and you’re unable to shake the feeling away while you get ready with Jiho later to rush to the bar where Jo and the others are already waiting for you. Jiho notices your unease as she applies your eyeliner.
“What’s up with you?”
“Nothing,” you immediately say, way too fast for it to sound casual.
She just cocks an eyebrow and keeps applying the makeup. At least she has the decency to ignore the blush that creeps on your cheeks.
“It’s just…” you sigh, and turn your head when she starts to work on your second eye. “I don’t know.”
“Jungkook?”
You want to kill her for knowing you so well, so you remain silent, choosing peace over violence.
“I’m going to say something right now that might make you want to kill me,” Jiho says, lips pursed.
“I would advise not saying it,” you mumble and she playfully pats your cheek.
“Don’t move.” You pout, but obey nonetheless. She continues working in silence for a time, before saying, “I know about the accident”.
Your heart stops in your chest, and you’re pretty sure all colours have drained out of your features. You still try to play it cool, saying, “What accident?”
“February last year? Jungkook got injured, then ghosted us. Ring a bell?”
You can’t really pretend you don’t know what she’s talking about, can you? “How do you know?”
“Hobi told me,” she admits. “He made me promise to never talk about it, but he mentioned you knew already.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t blame you for not telling me,” she reassures you, having sensed your discomfort. “Actually, it tells a lot about your relationship with JK that you respected his decision.”
You scoff as she pulls the eyeliner away from your face, putting it down on her vanity to grab her La Neige lip tint. “My relationship with Jungkook? We’re not even friends.”
“Why though?”
It’s a good question that just pisses you off further. “Because he’s a dick. He told me about the accident and got angry at me for looking concerned and then he started ignoring me.” You chuckle bitterly. “It’s not like I’m going to try and make him talk to me. I don’t give a shit about him.”
Jiho is silent for a long time. Far too long for it to be normal. Like she doesn’t believe you at all and is waiting for you to realize. You’re just as stubborn, so you don’t say anything as she puts the lip tint on her pretty lips.
It makes for an awkward two minutes, but she’s the one that breaks first. “You don’t believe that.”
You furrow your brows. “Why the fuck would you say that?”
She laughs. Not in a mean way, probably just because your cheeks are burning and she believes she can read you like the back of her hand. “Because you don’t believe that.”
You fold your arms on your chest, sitting back in the chair she’s forced you to sit in while she did your eyeliner. You remain silent once again, clenching your jaw as you choose not to get upset. You’re not sure it works, and Jiho just playfully punches you on the shoulder.
“Calm down, babe,” she says. “He’s changed.”
“He’s still an ass with me,” you point out. “He’s changed with the rest of you guys, but he’s even worse with me. He’s been completely ignoring me for weeks.”
“Because he’s scared of what you think about him.”
“He doesn’t give a shit about what I think of him? He’s made that clear enough.” Jiho goes back to her infuriating silence. And you don’t want the conversation to keep going in that direction, so you ask, “How has it been going with Hobi anyway?”
She flushes red as she always does whenever Hobi is mentioned. “Do not think this conversation is over,” she says, threatening you with the lip tint bottle. “But it’s been…” She chuckles. “It’s been great. I think we’re pretty much official now.”
It’s disgustingly cute. It makes you think of Lance and Chaeyeon, of Heather and Bridget, Jo and Taehyung and Kiko and Yoongi…
It makes you feel lonely, like Lance did earlier. It’s a feeling you’ve grown accustomed to growing up, so it’s easy to let it slide over you instead of letting it fester inside.
“Look at you,” you say teasingly. “Who knew you’d pull your lifelong crush?”
“Lifelong?” she snickers. “I’ve had a crush on him for like two years.”
You throw a no-bullshit look her way.
“Okay maybe three…”
It makes you both laugh, and it diffuses the situation that was escalating just a moment ago. You’re relieved, because you’re pretty sure if she mentioned Jungkook just once more you would have blown up in her face.
You take shots downstairs with Jisung and Felix before going, and you giggle in the Lyft on the way to the bar the other girls chose. As per usual, you’re the two last to get there – fashionably late is the way to go, right?
It takes you way too long to realize girl’s night will in fact not be girl’s night. Yoongi is the first you notice, maybe because he’s looking at the exit when you walk in, as if he’s just waiting for the right time to bail. He nods as he sees you, and Kiko turns. She smiles her shy smile, the one that doesn’t show her teeth, and she nods as well, almost a copycat of her boyfriend.
Then it’s like a domino effect, and everyone turns to look at you. Nine pairs of eyes, all on you: Jin, Valeria, Taehyung, Jo, Bridget, Heather, Kiko, Yoongi and Jimin. The latter offers you a secretive smile.
You might have been texting him a little. Nothing serious, but he does appear in your dms once in a while, replying to a story you posted. You always decided to ignore him, only liking his replies, but tonight there’s something in the way Park Jimin is looking at you, sitting there, that makes something warm trickle down your spine.
Maybe because of your conversation with Jiho. It’s hard to tell, and your best friend pulls you towards the rest of the group before you can figure it out. The feeling only increases tenfold when you stop next to the table, and Jimin gets up to greet you, quickly followed by the others.
You hug everyone, and Jo holds you a second longer. “Sorry for inviting the rest, Tae begged and I figured…” You pull away from the hug, and she does have a sheepish look on her features. “Thirsty Thursday doesn’t mean no men?”
You laugh at that comment, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”
And really, you don’t mind. You like hanging out with them all. You’re relieved they didn’t think to invite Jungkook though, because one thing you’ve figured is that, where Jimin goes Jungkook usually follows.
The night starts off with talking and a few drinks with the group, until you find yourself intoxicated more than you have initially planned to. It doesn’t really matter – you have a day off tomorrow at the internship. Indeed, it only goes from Monday to Thursday, since the lawyer you follow takes the day off on Fridays for the whole of summer.
So you drink, and when they clear a spot for the dancefloor, you let Jiho pull you to it. Let her dance with you, like you usually do when you’re trying to get a guy’s attention. You reckon she’s drunker than you – she’s a giggly mess and she keeps stepping on your feet, which she never usually does. It’s fun, and you feel some anxiety peel away from your skin as if you’re an onion and someone’s about to cut you up to pieces.
You do feel like somebody is about to cut you up to pieces when Jimin moves closer to you, and the smirk on his lips sets something on fire inside of you. Or maybe it’s the alcohol. It doesn’t matter because you pull away from Jiho to move closer to him, almost instinctively.
It’s like he fits like a glove. You face him, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him into the dance as his hands find your waist. One of them slips to your back, and he presses you against him as you move to the music, the rhythm a sensual dance between the two of you.
“Hello, you,” he purrs, and you look up at him.
“Hello,” you reply in the same tone, and he makes you spin until your back is facing him. He’s impossibly close and as his hands guide your hips, your eyes trail up.
You entirely stop moving when your gaze meets Jungkook. He’s standing near the door, clad in different clothes than earlier today, but in that same black shade he seems to adore. He also has a chain, with large links that give a rougher vibe to him.
The look on his features is rough too, especially as Jimin leans to speak into your ear. “I thought you might want to piss him off.”
You chuckle, turning your head to gaze at the man behind you over your shoulder. It brings your face way too close to his, and you have to resist the lava in your blood that makes you want to close the gap.
It’s the self-destructive kind of magma, and you don’t feel like indulging in it. Instead, you purr, “Why do you think I’d want to piss him off?”
Jimin chuckles, and you turn your head away from him because damn him, his lips really are inviting. “He’s been a little shit at home. I assume he’s been that way with you too.”
You laugh, and it’s bitter, angry. It surprises even you. “He’s been ignoring me.” You turn in Jimin’s arms, until you’re facing him. You keep your head hung low, enough so that he can’t lean down and press his lips against yours. Jimin is a gentleman though, you know he’d never kiss you without asking for consent first.
“Explains why he’s been a little shit then,” he says matter-of-factly. He straightens a little, putting a comfortable distance between your faces.
“And you think this little show is going to piss him off?”
He smirks, tilting his head to the side. All the while he’s been making you move to the music, and you know to outside gazes you look like you’re flirting. Can planning to piss Jeon Jungkook off count as flirting?
“Oh, I know it will,” Jimin says, shrugging his shoulders. “Jungkook wears his emotions on his face.”
Maybe he does. Around you, his emotion is usually mostly contempt, so you don’t really know.
“What do you gain from pissing him off?” you ask, and you genuinely wonder. What is Jimin trying to do?
“Nothing,” he admits. He purses his lips, before offering you yet another dashing smile. “Mostly I just want to see what he’ll do.”
Jimin pulls you a little closer, and his forehead presses against yours.
“What are you doing?” you murmur, as your heart beats like a hammer against your ribcage. Hell, even if you’re not really into Jimin like that, he’s Park Jimin. You don’t think anyone in their right mind could stay indifferent to him.
“He’s looking right now,” he replies. He chuckles, before saying, “Now, let me tell you what you’re going to do”. His lips move so close to you it feels as if your brain is short-circuiting in your head. “You’re going to act as if I’ve just offended you, and you go to the bathroom.”
“Why?”
“He’ll follow, and maybe he’ll finally…”
Jimin never finishes his sentence. Someone bumps into you, and it breaks the contact between you and him. Instead of pulling you back in, Jimin motions towards the bathroom, offering you an encouraging smile. You’re stunned for a moment, and you hope it does the trick. You hope you really do look offended, because in truth, you were enjoying Jimin’s proximity.
You don’t like that you were. It feels like you shouldn’t be enjoying his proximity at all. He’s not even really your friend anyway.
You don’t have a choice but to follow his advice though, and you turn around, beelining straight to the bathroom. You make your way through the crowd, scrunching up your nose in disgust at the sweaty guy your hand accidentally touched, and a few seconds later you finally find the line to the bathroom.
It’s a unisex bathroom, with three stalls that are currently all occupied. There’s a guy in front of you, and you glare at him as he smiles at you. He frowns, but it works and he turns back around. A stall frees up a little under a minute later, and you’re mindlessly watching a girl washing her hands when a large hand finds the small of your back.
You startle, and you turn around fully ready to knock some sense into whoever it is, until you see it’s Jungkook.
You freeze for a few seconds, and then let out a laugh as you realize whatever Jimin was doing worked.
“You and Jimin, uh,” Jungkook says bitterly, and his hand clenches into a fist where it falls at his side.
You cock your head to the side. “So you’re talking to me now?”
He plays with his piercing in silence, before scoffing. “I was never not talking to you.” You widen your eyes and let out a disbelieved laugh as you fold your arms on your chest. “I’m serious,” he adds. “I just…”
“Don’t even try to explain, Jeon, save your oxygen.”
He’s frowning now, and you reckon he probably has the same expression on his features that you have on yours. “I thought you said you weren’t going to flirt with Jimin.”
“That was over a month ago,” you point out. “People change, unless you haven’t noticed.”
“Oh, I know,” he says, chuckling bitterly. “But Jimin? There are dozens of guys in this bar, can’t you just choose someone else to fuck?”
You’re starting to see red. You feel it in the tremble that starts deep down in your core, before taking over the whole of your body. “I’m not going to fuck Jimin. He’s just a friend.”
“You dance with all of your friends like that?”
You turn away from him, hoping one of the stalls will be free now, but you’re in no luck. He grabs your arm, forcing you to turn back around. Your eyes drop to his hand on your arm. His fingers are gentle, way gentler than his features. “Fucking let go of me,” you snap. “I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t know what part of getting into an accident made you want to act like you’re just a fucking victim of everything around you but my life has nothing to do with yours. Why do you fucking care?”
He looks stunned. “I… What?”
His confusion douses your fury, and you furrow your brows. “What do you mean, what?”
“I don’t care.”
You don’t know who he is trying to convince right now. And you don’t feel like getting to the bottom of it with him. In fact, you really don’t like the look on his face, and you just want to put distance between you and him. So you roll your eyes, before saying, “Alright then, leave me alone, Jeon. I won’t dance with Jimin again.”
He doesn’t even look happy or relieved that you’re saying that. Instead, his features fall a little, moving from a frown to a sad expression that makes something stir in your chest. “I… If you want to get with Jimin, you can.”
Now, you really are confused. “You come here to be a little bitch about this all and now you’re saying it’s fine?”
He pulls at his piercing, and his eyes flicker to the man that walks past you, indicating that a stall must be free now. “Yeah. If that’s what you want, who am I to tell you not to do it?”
You don’t know. You have no idea how the conversation managed to take this turn, so you wet your lips, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I was being a dick. You’re right, I should stop acting like I’m a fucking victim.”
Now, your heart really does ache in your chest. Because what you said was inconsiderate, and you don’t even really mean it. Not the way that he interpreted it though, that’s for sure.
“Jungkook…”
“No, it’s really okay,” he says. He still looks sad, but he offers you a tight-lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”
Just like that he’s walking away, and why are you following him? You stop him by grabbing his arm, just like he did to you a moment ago. You hold on to him longer than he did to you, because his skin is warm under your fingers. His tattoos didn’t take away the softness of his skin, and you don’t really want to let him go. Not just yet.
“I didn’t mean it.” You look him in the eyes as he turns just enough so that his gaze can meet yours. “I got angry.”
“No but you’re right,” he insists. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know why I don’t like you talking to Jimin. You can do whatever you want.”
You let his arm go, albeit reluctantly. “If it can reassure you, I am not interested in Jimin like that. Like yes, he’s attractive, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”
At that Jungkook laughs. It’s somehow melancholic, and you reckon you’ve brought his demons to the forefront of his mind tonight. “Jimin-hyung doesn’t do relationships, you’re in luck.”
“No,” you grumble, and you shut your eyes, as if you have to explain something to a thick-headed five years old. “I’m really not interested in Jimin. Like at all.” Your eyelids flutter open, and you catch the movement of Jungkook’s eyes as they snap away from you.
“Okay,” he lets out flatly. “I’m sorry I ruined it.”
He looks genuine. You’d be angry at him if he didn’t really look as genuine as he does right now.
“Nothing’s ruined, I promise,” you reassure him and you offer him a small smile. “I was tired of dancing anyway.”
The word ‘dancing’ has his gaze trail to the dancefloor, and he bites at his piercing before glancing back at you. “Oh.”
You realize this is awkward. Because what you said really seems to have upset Jungkook. And you can’t really blame him, it was low. The only thing is, you’re not close enough to him to make him understand. So all you can do when he says he’s going to head home is wish him goodnight.
You feel horrible as you watch him leave, and he’s only just crossed the doors leading to the world outside when you break into a small jog. You make it outside in a hurry, just to see he’s leaning against the wall next to the door.
He seems startled to see you, and you feel just as startled to see he hasn’t really left yet.
“I was wondering,” you let out, and you take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Are you going to come to the cottage? You didn’t say you would earlier.”
You have no idea why that’s come to your mind, but you’re just going to roll with it.
“Uh.” He glances down at his phone in his hand. “Am I even invited?”
You wet your lips, shrugging. “I mean, you’re part of the crew, of course you are.”
He holds your gaze for so long you think the Earth has time to revolve around the sun once before he speaks again. “Am I really part of the crew?”
You reckon he might need to hear it, so you don’t hesitate when you say, “Of course. We’d be nothing without you.”
At that the sad expression on his features melts away. It does so slowly, starting with his eyes. They crinkle at the corners, sparkling a little, and then it trickles down his face, until the corners of his lips tug upwards. It makes you smile too, and you just gaze at each other like that for a few heartbeats. It feels intimate, miles away from the usual bickering and hatred that you share.
It’s new, but it doesn’t feel scary. Jungkook doesn’t feel scary when he’s smiling softly.
“Yes, I’ll come,” he finally says.
It makes you blink, and it’s like the scene is coming back into focus. You realize there are a couple of people smoking a few meters away, and a soft breeze pushes the smoke towards you. You hate the smell, but somehow you can’t shake the smile from your lips.
“Good.” You nod once, and you glance towards the door. “I guess… I guess I’ll let you go home then.”
He nods too, and he tilts his head to the side. He’s surveying you with those big eyes of his. They shine with stars right now, as if his happiness brings the constellations to his gaze. Or maybe it’s just the reflection from the streetlights and car headlights, but it’s beautiful.
Jungkook has beautiful eyes.
“Just waiting for a Lyft,” he says, motioning up with his phone.
You worry at your lips, before flattening your skirt mindlessly. “Is it going to be here anytime soon?”
He looks at the rectangle of light, face falling serious. It takes him a few seconds, but then he nods. “Yep. Should pull up pretty much now.”
You glance at the two sides of the street, and sure enough a car slows down until it stops in front of you. “Alright then,” you say. “Good night, Jeon.”
You don’t usually say his last name like you said it just now. It feels different, in all the right ways that it can.
“Good night,” he echoes, tentatively adding your name at the end. “I’ll see you at practice Saturday?”
“Yes. See you then.”
You’re grinning like an idiot when you’re home later, thinking of the interaction. It felt refreshing to be with Jungkook like that. As if you can be friends.
You never imagined you would want to be friends with him, but somehow tonight you want it. It only doubles up when a series of texts appears on your screen, hiding the top part of the anime you’re watching in bed before going to sleep.
[3:02 am] unsaved number: lmaooi jmin saud i cockblocled him😂
[3:02 am] unsaved number: cockblocked*
[3:02 am] unsaved number: sry im drunk
You laugh softly, turning on your back as you pause the anime. You go to the conversation, and you’re about to reply when he adds,
[3:03 am] unsaved number: plz ignorr this
You don’t hesitate when you save his number under his name.
Prev | Next
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What do we think of this chapter?? Enemies to lovers not too enemies anymore uh? Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!
All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Please do not copy, repost or translate.
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#thebtswritersclub#the forgotten spaces ch 4#the forgotten spaces#jjk#jjk fanfiction#jjk fanfic#jjk fic#jjk smut#jjk angst#jjk fluff#jungkook#jungkook fanfiction#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fic#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#jeon jungkook#jeon jungkook fanfiction#jeon jungkook fanfic#jeon jungkook fic#jeon jungkook smut#jeon jungkook angst#jeon jungkook fluff#jeon jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook x you
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The Metkayina Way
Neteyam x Metkayina! Reader
warnings: more nightmares (reader can’t catch a break), talk of feelings, slight angst, fluff, ao’nung being a bully again (he’s so hardheaded 😭), reader got a lil mean again for a second, arguing, just a reminder that they’re aged up lol, lmk if i missed anything
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 6.2
You had woken up out your sleep again, this is the fourth time this happened actually. You tried dealing with it alone, but you knew that wouldn’t help so you confided in your mother, who only told you that you had been paranoid again. She went on about drastic changes and how you're probably just worrying over nothing, but that didn’t explain the lifeless body you held in your arms each night.
You found yourself on the beach again, sitting in the water, meditating. It has turn into a daily thing for you to do, it was always at the same time too. Right before dawn.
“Can’t sleep?” A voice, Neteyams voice called from behind you.
“What are you doing out here, Neteyam?” You didn’t even turn around to look at him.
“I could ask you the same thing.” He sat down next to you in the water.
“I asked you first.” Looking over at him, he slightly smiled, “I cannot sleep.” He simply responded, shrugging his shoulders.
“This is the second night out of the week where you have not gotten any sleep. What is going on?"
“This is your fourth time out on the beach at the crack of dawn, what is going on with you?” He ignores your question.
He was watching you. This whole time he was watching you. Embarrassment crept up on you, cheeks beginning to become hot. The thought of Neteyam seeing you in a vulnerable state wasn’t pleasant at all, this whole week has been full of tears, every night you came out here crying. Every night. And he saw you.
“You are creepy.”
He took slight offense to what you said, just looking at you while he tried to come up with something to make him look like he’s not a creep. That’s the last thing he wanted you to think.
“I am kidding, idiot boy.” You nudge him, “You need to loosen up a little.”
“Me?!” He scoffs, “You are the one who needs to loosen up.”
“I do.”
“I have never seen that side of you.”
You looked over at him, his golden eyes and freckles glowing under the night sky.
“We are not talking about me.”
“I want to, but I cannot.” He shrugs once again, “Explain, Neteyam.” You were starting to grow annoyed with the boy.
“I cannot. Not when my father wants me to be his perfect fucking soldier. It is my job to watch over everyone, keep everyone in line, make sure everybody is okay. Who is there to make sure I am, okay?”
You sat there and listened to everything he said, processing every single word. You heard him. You saw him. The boy was robbed, not being able to live the life any other normal teenage boy. But the life as a future warrior, you understand where he was coming from, you did. But you couldn’t help but wonder what that foreign word was, you decided to push it aside for now.
“I am here. I will make sure you are okay.” You placed your hand in his, “I understand where you are coming from, it is not easy being the eldest of your siblings or a child of a warrior, I understand.”
He looked down at your hands and up to your eyes, Neteyam swears that your eyes are the prettiest things he’s ever seen. The boy was lost of words, his heartbeat starting to quickly pick up.
“Are you okay?” He asked you, “I have seen you all those nights.”
“It is silly.” You waved him off, dismissing the topic. How stupid would you look if you were crying every night over a stupid nightmare?
“If it was silly, you would not be out here crying your eyes out every night. Talk to me, how am I supposed to make sure you are okay if you will not talk to me?”
“It is nothing, Neteyam! Just silly little nightmares. That is all, I do not want to talk about it.” You pull your hand from his and stood up, “Now come, I want to show you something.”
“Hey! Don’t do that!” He said from behind you, placing his hand in yours again, “Don’t pull yourself away from me.”
You tried to hide your blushing face as much as possible, though he probably couldn’t see it since it was so dark.
“Why must you be so loud?! Hush!” You scolded, leading him further into the Island.
You led him, hand in hand into the forest. Your pace picking up when your destination was in sight.
“Where are we?” Neteyam asked as you approached the pond, “What does it look like?” You looked back at him.
You approached the glowing pond, detaching your hand from his to remove your knife holster that was around your thigh. You placed your feet in the cold water, beginning to walk in. You turned to face Neteyam, who was following behind you. He watched as you slowly sunk into the water, wanting him to follow you. He slowly walked in, wincing at the cold water, you grabbed his wrist and pulled him in.
“You are taking too long.” You laugh as he wipes the water from his face.
“Why did you bring me here?” He asked, swimming after you, “Well, it was my place to go when I wanted to get away from everything. Now it can be yours too.” You began to float on your back.
“So now it’s our place.”
“Sure.” You smiled up at the night sky.
The two of you floated together in silence, listening to the sounds of the water and the forest around you. This was the first time you’ve ever brung someone to your spot, your siblings didn’t even know about it. You usually didn’t like sharing, especially special things like this. But you didn’t mind sharing it with Neteyam.
You suddenly flipped off your back, diving down into the water, passing fishes and other little creatures as you went to the bottom.
“What are you doing?” Neteyam signed, “Come here, idiot boy.” You signed back to him.
He swam down to you, and you interlocked your arm with his, showing him the little creatures in the sand. You never knew what they were called, you hadn’t seen them before until your first time out here. Neteyam reached to grab one, placing it in the palm on his hand. The little unknown creature crawling all over his hand, he looked over at you and smiled before looking back at the little creature, who eventually jumped off of Neteyam’s hand and back into the sand.
“What was it.” Neteyam signed to you, and you shrugged your shoulders, laughing at the bad signing.
Neteyam unhooked his arm from yours and wrapped his hand around your waist, pulling you up with him. The boy gasped for air as you sat there continuing to laugh at him.
“Why are you laughing?”
“You need to work on your signing.” You admit, “My signing is good!” He defended.
You only shake your head at the boy, his arms stayed on your waist, but his face read try me. You looked at his golden eyes, and his glowing freckles once again. Taking in his beautiful face.
“You have pretty eyes, idiot boy.” You signed.
“Mine? Yours are beautiful but thank you.” A smug smile smeared across his face, “I do not appreciate you calling me idiot boy though.”
You weren’t expecting for him to get it, not that soon at least. You wondered how he had figured it out, maybe he had asked somebody. Who knows.
“Get used to it.”
When you woke out of your slumber it took you a minute to process where you were, your hand touching the damp grass you used as a pillow. Neteyam’s hand rested on your waist as his chest fell up and down, still fast asleep. You wanted to stay like this forever, and you were tempted to for a minute until reality hit you.
The two eldest children of two powerful warriors. Gone.
You hopped up from your spot, startling Neteyam, causing him to jump up as well.
“What is wrong?!” He frantically looked around, “We have to go!” You tied your knife back around your thigh, starting to walk out of the forest.
You prayed to ewya nobody noticed you two were gone yet, you two quickly made your way back on the beach. Only a few people were out, which means everyone was just starting to wake up.
“I will see you later, idiot boy.” You two started walking opposite directions, “Hopefully you have a new nickname for me by that time.” He smiles.
You approached your pod, expecting everybody to still be asleep but they were all sitting around eating together.
“My child! Where have you been?” Your mother gets up to examine you, “Swimming. I go swimming every morning, mother.” You slightly smile, not pleased with yourself for lying to your mother.
“It is a bit earlier than usual, are you okay?” Your father asked from the floor, where he sat with your siblings.
“Yes, I am fine. I promise.” You looked in between both of your parents before taking a seat in between your brother and sister.
You began to eat the mixed berries and vegetables that was laid out on the table, you parents leaving from the pod to do their daily duties.
“Where did you go? I looked for you, you were not swimming.” Ao’nung asked you, like he was your big brother, “I was swimming.” You tell him.
“With who, sister?” Tsireya smiled up at you and you couldn’t help but blush.
“Oh, great mother, do not tell me you were out with the other forest boy.” Ao’nung looks at you, hoping you’d say otherwise but you didn’t, “Those skxawng’s.” Ao’nung rolled his eyes, getting up.
You and Tsireya waved him off as he walked out the pod, probably going to find Rotxo.
“So, where were you two?” She turns you, her smile all big and childlike, “Our spot.” You gave her a sly look, grabbing another handful of berries.
“You two have a spot?!
“Now we do.” I smiled.
“I am happy you are finally not ignoring your feelings.” She playfully hits your arm, “You know I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve like you do.” You shook my head.
Tsireya has always been so open with showing affection, and just a loving person overall. You loved it for her, and you wish you could be the same.
“You should try it.” She says, “You know, you are going to have to pick a mate soon.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
“Tsireya!”
“What? It is true!” She laughs.
She was right though, it was actually long overdue. Thankfully you have supportive parents, trusting in your decision to just wait. But the clan is starting to talk, and you were running out of time.
“We will talk about that when the time comes.” You begin to change the subject, “Now you tell me about, Lo’ak.”
Though the boy was a little troublemaker and got himself into some crazy situations, you liked him for your sister. You watched them these last few days, it was a good balance between those two.
“He is so…misunderstood. It is almost like he lives in his brother's shadow; I am sorry to have to say that-”
“It is true.” You nod. Little does he know, Neteyam doesn’t want it to be that way.
“But I do not see him that way, I see him as his own person. I see him.”
Your sisters' words caught you off guard for a moment, but the girl did wear her heart on her sleeve, and you were sure that her feelings were not wrong.
“I did not mean—“
“No, no.” You shush her, “If you know, you know. Do not doubt it.”
You enjoyed these little talks with your little sister, girl talk as some would say. You were glad she was able to confide in you and talk to you about these things. You two wrapped up your conversation and stepped outside your pod, walking down onto the beach together. You didn’t really have anything as far as training planned for the day, you thought about what you could possibly do with your time. You ran your hair through your thick locs—hair. Your hair. You had been neglecting it for a while now.
“Tsireya, can you go grab the stuff for our hair? I am going to go find some shells to put in mine.”
“Why did you wait until we left.” She rolls her eyes, “I am sorry.” You say to her as she walks back to your shared pod.
You make your way into the water before diving down, examining looking at each shell precisely. Other things caught your eye while you were down there, grabbing every pretty little thing you saw. Tsireya joined you for a little bit before the two of you swam back to shore. You sat where she put the supplies and showed her all the shells you had collected, you had gotten lucky when you found two almost identical ones, already knowing what you’re doing with the two. You started on your hair, parting and applying the product you had made, Tsireya taking the back as you took the front.
“Hi guys!” The familiar young voice filled your ears, “Is it hair day?” Kiri asks as her and Tuk approach you, taking a seat by you two.
“It is long overdue.” You joke as you continue to twist your hair.
You guys sat there, talking, everybody contributing to getting your hair done. You noticed Neteyam making his way over to the group, the spot where Lo’ak usually stood was empty.
“Where is Lo’ak?” Tsireya questioned, “Said something about a truce with your brother.” Kiri shrugged, finishing the piece of hair she was on.
Truce. That’s interesting, you wonder how it went or how it’s currently going, knowing how stubborn your brother is.
“Me next?” Neteyam says as he approaches the group, “No.” Kiri rolls her eyes over at her brother, “I’m always stuck doing your hair.”
“I was not asking you, Kiri.” His eyes lock on yours, “Why must you put me to work, Neteyam?” You exaggerated a groan, knowing you wanted nothing else but to be running your hands through his hair.
Tsireya hit your shoulder, “She would love to.”
You couldn’t even scold the girl for volunteering you, because you truly wanted to. You didn’t find those shells for nothing, you quickly wrapped up with doing your hair before telling Neteyam to sit in front of you. You brought yourself to your knees, obviously not being able to do his hair sitting down because of his height. You were quickly able to take out his braids, running your fingers through his soft hair trying to figure out what you were going to do with it. You began to part his hair; you’d come up with something along the way. The boy hissed and made remarks about you being too rough time to time, which just made you smack him upside the head and tell him to hush. The girls had left you two alone a while back, going back into the water to find more shells.
You finished the braids and pulled out some string to pull up half of them, placing them on top of his head. You moved in front of him and pulled out two braids so that they could sit at the front of his face.
“I have a feeling I look like Lo’ak right now.” He muttered, “You look like Neteyam.” You shush him as you continued to work on his hair.
You adjusted the bun on the top of his head, then the braids that you had left down, sliding some beads here and there. You grabbed one of the two strands from the front of his head, putting the shell on the strands of hair.
“What is this?” He held up the braid that the shell was on, “Something I found, these were the only two.” You held up a piece of your hair to show him the shell.
He smiles, “I love it.”
“Think of it as, I am always with you.” You tell him.
“I like the sound of that.” He looks at you, “I will find one for you now!” He started to run towards the water, you follow behind him, but he stopped you, “It is a surprise.”
“But your breathing.” You warned, “My sisters are in there, I will be fine.” He assured you.
“Do not drown on me, idiot boy!” You yelled out as he dives into the water.
While you waited for him to return, you cleaned up the supplies, gathering and putting it back into what Tsireya originally had it in. As you were cleaning you couldn’t help but hear the voices of the most obnoxious friend group in the clan, Ao’nung and his friends were laughing and going on about something and you had noticed Lo’ak wasn’t with them all. Your eyes scanned around the beach, making sure he wasn’t in sight before you made a scene. You stormed over to your brother and his friends, already infuriated with them.
“Where is he?” You slightly yell as you approached the group of boys, “Where is Lo’ak?! He was with you all last, what did you do?!”
The boys stood around looking at you, trying to choose their next words wisely. You swear these boys always find a way to make your life hard.
“How are we supposed to know?” Ao’nung shrugs, “Do not lie to me, Ao’nung!” You yelled.
“I am not lying.”
You pinched between your eyes, trying your hardest not to put your hands on your little brother. You didn’t understand why Ao’nung was the way he was, causing all this trouble. Especially now. He was definitely lying to you and if you couldn’t get it out of him, you knew who could. Any other scenario you’d be embarrassed that you couldn’t get your brother to tell you the truth, but at this point you didn’t care. You walked back to where you were before and impatiently waited for Neteyam to come out of the water, all of them actually. How many shells could they be getting?! You took it upon yourself to dive into the water, quickly finding them digging through the sand.
“Out. Now.” Was all you signed before going back shore.
They all emerged from the water, hands full with shells and other little things.
“Go find our fathers, your brother has not returned yet. It is almost eclipse.” You tell the girls, you saw the worry in Tsireya’s eyes immediately, “Tsireya, calm down.” You tell her before they walked off.
“My brother knows where he is, he will not t—” Neteyam didn’t even let you finish your sentence, storming over to the group of boys.
“Where is my brother?!” Neteyam had Ao’nung against a tree, forearm at his throat, “What did I tell you the last time?!”
“Neteyam!” You yelled out, almost coming off as a warning. That was still your baby brother at the end of the day, you couldn’t help it.
“Where. Is. He.” Neteyam gritted through his teeth, “What did you do?!”
“We took him beyond the reef.” Ao’nung finally spits it out, Neteyam hit the tree behind Ao’nung as you stood there in disbelief.
“Oh ewya, give me the strength to not rip out my baby brothers throat! Come on!” You grabbed him by his ear, pulling him towards where everybody was, assuming that’s where Jake and your father were.
You finally approached the large group, pushing your way through the crowd until you stood in front of your father and Jake.
“What is it?” Your father asked, “Tell him what you told us!” Neteyam pushed Ao’nung.
And so, he did, your mother and father were furious, sending apologies to Jake and Neytiri as everyone gathered to go find the boy, including yourself.
Just as everybody was about to get into the water, somebody had called out that they had saw something. You looked out into the distance, squinting your eyes trying to see what everybody was looking at.
“The boy has returned!” The man had yelled.
Eventually you saw Lo’ak on the Ilu, swimming towards the group of people. He finally reached the dock, jumping off the Ilu and looking around at everybody. His mother quickly grabbing her son, looking over him and whispering prayers to herself.
“Ao’nung, you have brought enough shame to this family. Apologize now.” Your father says, “I am deeply sorry.” Ao’nung kept his head down.
“It was not his idea, I wanted to go beyond the reef.” Lo’ak sat there and lied straight through his teeth, “Is this true?” Your father asked and the boy nodded his head.
“Do not lie for him!” You yelled, walking up to the boy, “I’m not lying.” Lo’ak protested.
“That is enough.” Your father placed his hand on your shoulder, you looked at the boy once again before turning and starting to walk away.
“You are a coward.” You hiss at Ao’nung as you push past him, walking away from the group.
Eclipse had come, everybody making their way towards their pods as you went to collect your things from earlier. You gathered the supplies again, picking up the shells everybody had collected earlier before making your way back to your pod, where you knew your father was giving Ao’nung the hardest time of his life. As you continued to walk, the familiar family appeared in front of you, without Lo’ak once again.
“Kiri, Tuk, here are your shells.” You crouched down to Tuk’s level and handed her the shells, her giving you a hug in return.
You stood again, standing in front of their parents with your head held high, “I want to apologize on my brother's behalf for his actions.”
“Thank you.” Jake says to you, Neytiri only nodding at you.
The family begins to walk again, Neteyam quickly making his way over to you before they noticed he wasn’t behind him. But they knew, they all knew. Neytiri nudging Jake to look at you two, holding each other in a quick embrace.
“Thank you.” Neteyam says as he pulls out the hug, still holding on to your arms, “It is no problem. Do not mention it.” The topic of Ao’nung was starting to annoy you.
“You know, that was some of the best sleep I have gotten all this week.” Neteyam refers to earlier, when you had fallen asleep in his arms.
“What are you suggesting?” You smirk at the boy.
“Come on, Neteyam!” Jake called for his son, “You’ll see her tomorrow.” He teases.
Neteyam shakes his head in embarrassment, looking at his father and back to you, “I will see you later.” He picks up your hand, opening it and placing something into it before catching up with his family.
You opened your hand, a golden shell sitting in your palm. Golden. Just like his eyes. You smiled to yourself, watching as the boy walked away into the night.
tags: @afro-hispwriter @mashiromochi @neteyamforlife
#avatar fanfiction#neteyam fanfiction#neteyam x metkayina!reader#neteyam series#neteyam x you#neteyam x reader#neteyam#atwow loak#metkayina reader#ao’nung x sister!reader#ao’nung#lo’ak x tsireya
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In other news- because tbh this other au holds more meaning in my heart (just cuz of how I relate to Donnie the most out of all of the aus), I genuinely am craving for angst with hurt/comfort for Leo Jr au.
sooo time for THOUGHTS
I really am longing for moments with Leo Jr and Donnie, because...hnk- Donnie actually receiving comfort, care, patient understanding and acceptance instead of being told to suck it up or being ridiculed/treated like a ticking time bomb???? Means the world to me????? Idk- I guess my soul just aches for this version of Donnie who didn't get that safe space Leonardo's Donnie did. (i get the au is mainly Leo-centric, but for some reason this version of Don-tron ya created has somehow wormed his way into my heart and he is truly my favorite iteration in terms of aus???)
When I tell you that I felt my heart break over the silly comic where Leonardo says that Leo Jr and Casey Jr are twins, solely due to what that implies to the overall story. In a sense, Leo Jr gets to have variations of the life he would have if he hadn't been kidnapped (by all technicalities Leo Jr IS a victim of kidnapping no matter how wholesome it turned out to be). He gets to know the joys of having a twin, of being able to goof around and laugh, being understood/accepted, being able to make friends and be a kid! Meanwhile...Donnie (the one who was MEANT to have Leo as his twin) didn't get any of that. It hit hard that, even if it wasn't intentional by any means, Don was "easily replaced." (which idk if it's intentional or not, but that seems to be a reoccurring theme for the spiny softshell in this au).
He'll never really have that close knit bond, not know what it's like, even if Leo Jr and him do grow close during their teenage years. Because in this reality, the "Disaster Twins" exist, Donnie's just not apart of it. Which is just another way that shows how much of a stranger the kid is to everyone who is supposed to be his family; his father, two brothers, and even the one who was at one point meant to be his twin.
That thought is sorta what led me down the rabbit hole of Leo Jr AU! Don brainrot. The kid's reality is one of neglect, extreme isolation, fear and...probably a deep well of self-hatred, loneliness, non existent self-worth, etc. (we saw how he struggled with in Rise Canon, so i can only imagine it is so much worse in this au). I can only imagine that this also impacts his ninpo and mystics later on, which probably is going to make his self-esteem take a nosedive.
Ngl if Leonardo's twin (who I'm gonna call Tello) is actually watching over his past self, it makes me wonder what he's thinking. His pov would be intriguing consider he'd be witnessing how much pain his twin's actions caused. Idk- I just- when I look at everything from this particular au, it makes me hope that Donnie is allowed to feel his big feelings without people trying to rush him. He should be allowed to be terrified, hurt, angry, etc towards Splinter and Leonardo. Neither of them deserve his forgiveness, because shit- both of them fucked up big time. They both caused complex trauma...and like- really need to face consequences. (apart of me sorta hopes Donnie DOESN'T forgive them)
dakjsfsadfas sorry for rambling, not sure if any of that made sense, but I just- I have so many feelings about Donnie in the Leo Jr au, and really want to see more of him!
The sewers were a gross place to live if you asked Junior but Splinter refused to move to the hidden city. Luckily he had his portals meaning he could step into the already cleaned portion they called a home.
“Leo!” Mikey was the first to notice him. Dropping the plates on the table he was setting them vaulting over it, “You came!”
“It’s still Junior,” He reminded for the umpteenth time, “And yeah I said I would,”
Mikey collided into him for a hug. Junior gave a small wave to Raph- or Red, probably Red as the snapper wasn’t meeting his eyes while trying to hide his scowl. Splinter was setting the table in Mikeys stead, making wayyy too much eye contact as he kept staring at Junior. He was placing the plates down carelessly. The one in front of Donnie was placed down with a crack, only Junior caught his flinch.
“Great, he’s here, I saw him,” Donnie pushed away from the table in a frenzied movement, “Can I please leave now,”
“Purple your brother is here, that is more important than some computer,” Splinter snapped. No one took note of the way both Donnie and Junior cringed.
“Nah he’s just tryna get out of showing me his lab since he promised last time,” Junior stepped forward and away from Mikey.
“I did no such thing,” Donnie scowled at him as Junior came around to his side,
“No use backing out now Dee,” Junior grinned, shuffling towards Donnie so the softshell backed away. Kind of like herding a very liable to bite sheep, “I’m expecting the grand tour, don't wait up everyone! “
But dinner…” Junior pretended he didn’t hear Mikey as he walked Donnie towards his room office lab space.
It was empty, with sections obviously organized out to put things there but with not enough actual stuff to do it. Donnie held himself like a tightly drawn string as they walked in. Not looking at Junior as the red slider circled around to the other's bed.
“What did you want to see?” Donnie asked tiredly as Junior came up behind him, “Most of my stuff is at the old place, or the other old place, or-”
Donnie was cut off by the blanket being draped over his head like a tablecloth.
“Nothing much,” Junior shrugged stepping away as Donnie went very still under the blanket, “Just had to get out of there, think I might sit quietly against a wall for the next half hour, not say anything, not do anything, you know how it is,”
Junior slid down the wall. He would have to go back eventually, or the others would break down the door and pull them both back to dinner. He estimated he had about thirty six minutes before that happened and that he could convince them to leave Donnie be. He’d say he asked if the softshell could make something for him. Something big so Donnie would have an excuse to disappear for the next week or so. They tended not to bother the other turtle as much if they thought he was doing stuff for the yokai.
The blanket shuffled, bunching up on the ground as Donnie sat near him. Only just within arms reach. He was covered head to toe, curled up and completely silent. Junior occupied himself trying to come up with a believable project. Maybe a new mask? That way he could wear his old one and the others would never know, it’s not like Splinter ever let them follow Junior to the battle nexus.
The blanket shifted but Donnie didn’t emerge. A hand poked out the bottom, listing up the cloth and bunching it up while still keeping the soft shell hidden. Junior reached his hand out halfway. Donnie couldn't see it but paused when his searching hand brushed up against it. Junior kept still, waiting, not minding one way or the other.
Donnie held his fingers, squeezing lightly. Junior squeezed back, not taking Donnie’s whole hand but meeting him where he was. It was pleasant, it was quiet. The noise from the others blocked off. A little bubble away from everything where they could just be.
Junior thought growing up in the sewers may have not been all bad… if he got to do it with Donnie.
#I've been thinking about this ask all week!#but I had work and helping my roomate put on a show so litrally no time!#I wanted to make a full comic but a ficlet and one drawing will have to do#totally not having feelings bout you connecting with a character heavily based off my own experiences#no sir'ree#(I appreciate the other ask too but I need to post another part before we can get to that)#leo junior au#disaster twins#rottmnt
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No offense to anyone but genuinly the Babby Shuggy moments not only made me ship it but also make me not understand people who feel like their dynamic in canon isn’t „all that interesting“ after they split. „They haven’t seen each other in years. They are different people now. They aren’t thinking and regretting their splitting 24/7!“ okay, but also like…. You don’t want them to have more screentime after the flashback that can just really flesh out how they changed? You don’t think Buggy fucking up upwards coupled with Shanks actual epicness while still being the type of guy to be chill with Buggy and congratulate him for fucking up upwards would be fun? You don’t even want them to have that cool anime shonen type thing where they work together for a while and get into a fight and get a full page panel of them ready to kick ass while standing back to back? (The „What? You’re fighting too?“ scene from Kingdom Hearts may be overused but it comes to my mind immediatly because sometimes things are overused for a REASON and it fits them in a weird way) Like…. Okay. Your loss. But even beyond shipping I am still a bit flabbergasted at some people being like „Yeah but there’s nothing THERE.“ like, COME ON THERE COULD BE SO MUCH.
Okay, anon, sometimes you need to understand that people have no taste and sometimes we are more intelligent than others and we have to carry the burden of liking and understanding an amazing ship that a lot of people find boring in canon because they don't know how to read the characters. (I'm half joking here, by the way)
Like!!! I started shipping them from the first second they mentioned they were together when they were young. The first flashback of them has the biggest most beautiful "young, teenage best friends to lovers angsty with a lot of pining and not actually unrequited love" I've ever seen. And not only that, even their fucking past is a slow burn. They make you wait to know about the resentment and what happened between them (I've only watched that flashback in wano, if more things are shown in the arc or the manga I don't know about them so don't spoil me in the comments pleaseplease) and it's so so so beautiful. Like- They make me want to lay on the floor all day and cry WHAT'S NOT INTERESTING ABOUT THEIR DYNAMIC????
You know what happens, anon? A lot of people don't like the childhood best friends to lovers trope because they find it boring (for some reason I still don't understand because it's literally my favorite trope) and so they decide to focus on the rivalry and angst that comes later but, y'know, that's when the fanon thing comes up and they focus more on that than on their actual canon past where they're best friends.
And tbh the fact that they reduce their characters only to their relationship instead of to their actual personalities and goals is a shame because Buggy and Shanks have to be two of the most charismatic and interesting anime characters I've ever seen. They're fun and extremely cool to watch even when they aren't thinking about each other 24/7. People, please stop only thinking about ships for a moment?? And if you do, please at least think about how cool it's going to be once they get together again after so much time being apart.
This reminds me a lot of Soukoku and Satosugu ngl. The whole BFFs until there was this big betrayal thing and also the fact that people only like them because of their relationship and are always mad their characters aren't only about the ship.
Honestly, I'm so excited to see more of them and every time they talk/show up on screen I immediately start sobbing. How could people not find them interesting in canon? Buggy is literally one of the best characters wdym?? Also he'd be extremely angry at people reducing him to his relationship with Shanks, dude already is tired of that man let him rest!! Imagine people always talking about you to talk about the ex you still love like damn please he's an awesome character too. And Shanks, too, but like the dude is a simp and he would love this whole thing so-
#i'm going insane over them lately as you can see#wano is changing me as a person#i want to cry#love does not exist#and buggy is relatable af honestly same#one piece#buggy the clown#red haired shanks#shuggy
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Cruel Summer - Part 14
First - Previous - Next
pairings: Eddie Munson x fem!reader
summary: After breaking up, you and Eddie do your best to soldier on with your lives, but you slowly begin to discover that there is a stronger line of connection keeping you together than just history…
word count: 8k
warnings: fluff, allusions to sex/sexual content, swearing, slight angst (Edward J. Munson continues to be the most dramatic person on the planet) mentions of Barb's death/violence
a.n.: this was a much longer chapter that I had to split up for the sake of my sanity - taglist continues to be broken, sorry chat! if you would like to stay updated you should probably just follow me at this point because we're seriously almost done here
It takes you much longer to make it back to the trailer than it had to leave it behind, simply because Eddie can’t stop himself from pulling you close every couple of steps to kiss you again. Long, sloven presses of lips and swiping tongues begging for passage between your mouths. It’s all teeth and ragged breath and soft touches and the honest-to-God biblical revival of unchecked teenage hormones.
You have to get back, this he knows very well, but now that he’s got you back, he just can’t stop loving on you. Kissing you has always been too easy - as natural as breathing, and you’re such a receptive lover – always have been, from the very start.
And it’s not like you’re doing much to stop him, giggling and pushing against his chest without any real intention of separating yourself from him. Breathless insistences of “we really need to get back” that don’t mean anything at all when you’re fisting your hands in his jacket and pulling him right back to you for another round.
Not that Eddie’s complaining. He’s too busy fighting the overwhelming urge to bend you over right here in the underbrush.
The only thing really stopping him from popping the button of your jeans and wrestling you out of them is the nagging threat of his inner voice reminding him what a patently bad idea that is, because “that’s how you get killed in a horror movie”.
It’s the only reliable basis of logic anymore. As far as Eddie is concerned, over the course of a very short week, his life has inexplicably devolved into the plot of a bad horror movie, which, in this scenario, regrettably makes you the horny couple who gets slaughtered whilst bunnyfucking out in the woods.
As appealing as that sounds, he’s not about to let that happen.
Because you hate a cliche and you have to get back, for reasons that are extremely hard to rationalize when you’re pressed up against him and making all those pretty little sounds.
Eddie casually catches your southbound hands before they can find their way to his belt buckle and expertly replaces them on his shoulders, tut-tutting the way you whine out your displeasure with the move.
Bad girl, he thinks, Needy girl.
It’s the honeymoon phase and then some, a speedrun of that long expanse of ooey—gooey fairytale bliss that sees the both of you unable to keep your hands off of each other. Only this time around it’s not the halls and alcoves of Hawkins High witnessing your very public displays of affection, but the trees and the whirling cosmos and everything beyond that Carl Sagan ever promised – it’s super fucking romantic.
You spent the duration of the not-so-long walk back making your own, much more tangible promises.
“I love you,” You tell him for what must be the hundredth time, eager to make up for lost time.
“I know,” Eddie assures you, cradling your face and ducking down for the next in a long line of all the kisses he owes you for every time you say it. “But we gotta go.” he says against your lips, “Harrington’s gonna be pissed.”
You whine pathetically. It’s a muffled sound that Eddie feels more than he hears.
Normally that would have been enough to sway him considering you’re usually the one with the functioning brain, and he’s the raging pit of electric hormones,
Still, hearing you all needy like that tends to cause the rational part of Eddie’s brain to shut off. Many occasions of you pawing at him just like that have ended with a thick and wanton utterance of “aw hell” that sees Eddie throwing caution —and very often, your panties— to the wind.
But this is neither the time nor the place (though more the former than the latter, because it would not be the first time you’d gotten your rocks off out in the woods – horny teens don’t tend to make smart decisions about location when the mood strikes them that hard).
Still, one of you has got to retain some of your faculties, because you really do need to get back, despite the way his lizard brain doth protest.
Get back? Where? Harrington who? What’s he so goddamn pissed about and who even cares?
“More,” You plead, and you always get what you want with him.
“Okay,” Eddie says, lips clicking with a lewd, wet smack when he parts with you, “One more for the road.”
He didn’t need to even give you that kind of permission, because you’re already chasing him again the second he parts from you.
“Okay,” You hum, snaking your arms up around his neck and pressing yourself bodily against him, backing him into the tree he hadn’t realized was behind him until the bark is digging painfully into his spine.
He doesn’t care, not when you’re rubbing up against him like that.
You’re both so unbearably gross and horror movie logic be damned, Eddie just can’t help himself.
“Maybe just one more.” He hums, hand snaking unwisely up the back of your shirt to twist at the clasp of your bra.
“Okay,” You sigh into his mouth.
When you finally make it back to the park, stealing across the grounds hand in hand, all smiles and giggles and clothes pulled out of shape like kids stumbling home well past curfew, Steve is indeed raging.
He’s there to whip the door open and bathe you in the accusing orange glow of incandescent light that has you balking as you come clambering up the steps. His looming, perfectly coiffed figure is almost comedic, backlit in the doorway with his hands on his hips, literally tapping his foot, and he’s quick to lay into you like he thought he was your goddamn father or something – not Eddie’s father, of course, which would have been an arguably terrifying turn of events, and not even much like your father, who Eddie has still never met, and at this point is not entirely sure he ever will.
He’s not even sure your parents really know he exists outside of general rumor – they certainly don’t know what he does with their daughter out in the woods, considering they barely acknowledge the fact that you exist.
That’s fine by him, it just means he gets you all to himself.
Steve grabs you by the elbow and yanks you over the threshold and back into the warm, cozy embrace of home – what good is a house when you’re all the home Eddie needs – already halfway through a lecture about how you’ve been gone “way longer than ten minutes” and demanding to know “what the hell took you so goddamn long” because, in case you haven’t noticed, the fate of the world is oh so casually resting on your collective shoulders.
Not that any of that currently matters, Eddie isn’t listening. He’s completely blissed out, far too busy watching with wrapt attention as you pull your pretty pink, kiss-bitten lips in past your teeth in a miserable attempt at trying not to smile while Steve goes blue in the face.
It’s so unbearably You, though he thinks perhaps only as a result of him rubbing off on you in the worst way – or in the best way, who can say? – giggling in the middle of a dressing down, really playing into the hand you’ve been dealt.
Christ, you’re adorable … and you love him.
You love him you love him you love him – and he loves you, he should tell you - no, he needs to tell you…
It takes every bit of Eddie’s limited capacity for self-control not to seize you and drag you right back to him. He’s not finished loving on you just yet – he quietly hopes that there will never come a time when he’s ever finished.
He’s never been the type to give a second thought to laying a big sloppy kiss on you in front of whoever the fuck happens to be watching, but he knows how public displays of affection make you uncomfortable and he’s not so love-drunk that he can’t respect your boundaries.
He cannot, however, stop smiling. He knows he’s got to look a goddamn fool, grinning ear to ear like the fate of the world and all their lives don’t hang in the balance — his face is starting to hurt.
He hasn’t realized how he’s missed that until now, the cramping of his facial muscles against something he’s powerless to resist.
There’s an entire conversation going on in front of him without his knowledge – he couldn’t repeat a word anyone has said in the past five minutes if someone put a gun to his head, but he could talk endlessly about all the soft little noises you’d been making only a short while back.
He could go on about those for days, write tomes of essays and sonnets waxing poetic about them, but the loud shouting voice of Dustin returning to the room from whatever odd corner of the trailer he’d been hiding in cuts the lecture thankfully short.
“There you are!” He squawks, stomping out from the hall.
He’s standing there looking suddenly very small dressed in an overlarge grey sweatshirt and the deconstructed pieces of the Gilley suit someone had thought to grab from the War Zone. It is his carefully selected uniform for bat-tle, as he’d put it back in the field – you’d booed and hissed at the audacity of such a terrible pun, much to Henderson’s patent chagrin.
“Do you have any idea how long you two were gone? We were worried sick!” He squawks.
“Now, where have I heard that before?” You hum, casting a sly, sidelong glance in Eddie’s direction before squeezing past Dustin to disappear down the hall toward the bathroom so you can wash the woods off of you.
“You know your shirt’s on inside out,” Dustin calls moodily after you. “And backwards,”
You ignore him.
Eddie watches you go and gets a little lost in the familiar swaying of your gait. Suddenly he’s back at school, watching you skip away down the hall toward your next class, the tantalizing promise of later hanging in the air. You glance back at him and smile sweetly, and he’s instantly shot full of holes.
You love him, you love him, you love him.
“Eddie!” Dustin grouses, drawing him back to the close quarters and warm, incandescent glow of his living room — and he realizes, once again, he’s missed every word of the boy’s outraged spiel, “Are you even listening to me?”
“Sure am.” Eddie lies.
Dustin narrows his eyes.
“Then what did I just say?”
He shrugs and shoves past him as he spies the carefully folded pile of items from the jaunt to the army surplus store, though more specifically one decidedly metal bandolier sitting in a burnished brass pile on the dining table.
It sets Eddie’s magpie brain to fluttering and he’s reaching for it before he’s even realized he’s moved.
“No idea,” Eddie says good-naturedly, clapping a hand fondly down on the top of Dustin’s head as he passes him by.
He can feel the boy’s eyes on him, turning to follow as he saunters across the room.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Dustin demands.
“Not a thing, Henderson,” He assures him, electing to snatch the belt up rather than confess the undying overwhelming vice of puppy love he’s gripped in.
He turns the thing over in his hands, eyeing it with great interest - it’s just about the coolest damn thing he’s ever seen.
"You sure about that?"
"Hundred percent," Eddie says, "Everything's just fine."
After that, it’s twenty-five minutes or so of finishing touches before Eddie slinks off to his bedroom.
Everyone has armed themselves in some kind of battle garb, armor picked up from the War Zone for the impending task, but nobody had thought to grab anything for you. It hadn’t even crossed their mind because back then you didn’t need any sort of protection, not while the most you’d been expected to do was stand watch in the living room for any curious onlookers come to peek in on the murder scene at the Munson residence.
Now, with such a daunting task ahead of you, Eddie knows you’re going to need all the help you can get. So he upends his dresser drawers, looking for something — anything that might put some kind of a barrier between you and the flurry of teeth and claws that await you.
Steve’s already returned the battle vest, decidedly worse for wear but not bad enough to be decommissioned, and Eddie fully intends to swathe you in it. It’s not much, but it’s better than the same torn jeans and old t-shirt you’ve been wearing for the last three days. It’s something, at least,
His room is dark compared to the rest of the trailer. It hadn’t seemed like a smart thing to go flipping on any more lights, on the off chance that someone noticed and decided to come snooping. He doesn’t mind much, considering his aversion to flipping on the overhead light in the first place – Eddie much prefers the ambiance of the table lamp, and he is well-practiced in navigating the dimly lit space
The front room is abuzz with noise and ambivalent movement. Voices filter in and out and saturate the room in the warm glow of company, the aural equivalent of the incandescent bulbs burning overhead.
It reminds Eddie of something he has only felt very few times in his life: what it feels like to belong, to be a part of something, even if that something is nothing more than camaraderie forged in the face of impending doom. Somehow he can’t find it in him to be worried about it, not while he’s among friends.
The mere thought of the word brings a bitter scoff rising up from the deepest part of his chest, and he has to work very hard to swallow it back down again.
It’s what gets him more than anything, more than the danger of the Upsidedown or the armed hicks crawling the streets, hungry for his blood – it’s that after everything he’s been through over the past few days, suddenly he’s back home and (relatively) safe, because of his friends.
Not Gareth or Jeff or Adam or even Wayne, but astoundingly thanks to Steve Harrington and Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley, and Dustin (less baffling but still bizarre) —his strange collection of new friends, who put their lives and reputations on the line to find him and bring him back from the precipice, despite barely knowing him.
It’s more than a little jarring, and Eddie isn’t quite sure how he feels about it.
Whatever the feeling is, it’s largely a positive thing. He’s glad they’re all here – and it goes without saying that he’s glad you’re here.
He’d say it anyway.
He’s glad you’re here when you have every reason not to be, but you’d promised that you loved him even when you hated him, which actually might have hurt his feelings if he wasn’t so goddamn relieved to hear it.
Without you, he’s not sure he would have such a strange new group of friends rallying around him, embracing him.
And maybe that’s not a fair assumption. Maybe Dustin had more of a hand in facilitating his rescue than he’s accounting for— credit where credit is due and all that — but Eddie will be the first to admit that he’s totally and completely biased. You’re far and beyond his favorite person here, and he’s not shy about admitting that.
The thing he really hates to admit, however, is that he’s glad you’re coming with them to the other side – which seems stupid.
He was being smarter when he was angry that you were crazy enough to go volunteering yourself to play the bait, but hadn’t he spent the duration of the last jaunt to the Upsidedown bombarding you with psychic postcards? Wish you were here doesn’t even begin to cut it.
He almost forgets to care about how aggressively he’d rejected the idea of you putting your life on the line only a few hours ago because when it came down to it, that’s what it took to win back your love.
Not that he ever really lost it in the first place (and not that he actually knew that) but Boy Howdy hadn’t you done your utmost to tow that line and make him work for it?
If only Eddie had known it would be that easy – it wasn’t easy, it was the worst suffering he’s ever experienced – he wouldn’t have fought so hard to keep you from running headlong into peril.
More than that, if he had any idea of what the two of you were going to get up to on your walk back through the woods, he would have thrown you to the wolves and jumped right in after you.
Maybe not, but the sentiment feels dramatic and appropriate for the status quo as it currently stands.
Danger, it seems, has become his new middle name. Or maybe it’s yours, considering you’re the one who keeps getting him into these situations … except that’s only true because Eddie initially dragged you into all this, so maybe the name belongs to the both of you.
Maybe you married into the name and now you’re Mr. and Mrs. Danger.
It’s a stupid thought, and it makes him laugh.
Snickering to himself in the dark, Eddie upends the last of his drawers and makes a mental note to tell you that joke after all this — if either of you survives this, that is.
It’s a dismal thought that makes quick work of chasing away any sense of the levity he’d felt moments before.
Once he’s satisfied with the excavation of everything he owns, Eddie lays out a series of choices across the stark bed: the first-generation Hellfire shirt, the black one with the short sleeves and white collar, a grey Hawkin’s Phys. Ed shirt with “Munson” scrawled across the nameplate in obnoxiously large print (his old gym clothes), and a super faded Misfits tee he’s had for years and years.
None of them are particularly significant, only that they are some of the only clean articles of clothing he could find, and he wants you to have options.
He wouldn’t presume to make the decision for you, because somehow this feels important, as silly as that seems. You deserve to choose what kind of armor you’re going to wear to herald the doom they bring to Vecna.
Eddie finds you in the kitchen with Steve, running through a series of stretches, learning tips and tricks on how to breathe so as best to oxygenate your muscles, and having the very basics of general athleticism explained to you.
It’s a lifetime of athletics boiled down to a five-minute lecture – Eddie only catches the tail end of it, but it’s riveting stuff.
“The worst thing you can do when you’re running hard like that for distance is start to hyperventilate – you know, gasping for air,” Steve tells you, and Eddie half expects you to roll your eyes and make some snappy remark about being molly-coddled like that, but oddly enough all you do is nod.
For once, you’ve got nothing snide to say – remarkably, Steve has your undivided attention, and even he seems a little unsure of what to do with it as he continues.
“If you start in with that, you won’t be able to catch your breath and you’re gonna pass out.” He says matter-of-factly, “If you pass out, you’re dead, you got that? That’s worse than a worst-case scenario, that’s a game over.”
“Yikes,” Eddie can’t help himself from saying, summarily drawing your attention.
In the span of a microsecond, you go from serious as a heart attack and nodding like your life depends on it – which it very likely does – to dopey grinning, staring wistfully up at him with honest-to-god heart eyes.
Eddie wonders if you and Steve can hear his heart beating against his ribcage.
Just like that, the lesson is over, because now that Eddie is here, Steve is never going to get your attention back.
“Sorry to butt in,” He says tentatively, curling his hands around your shoulders, “D’you mind if I borrow Barry Allen here for a second?”
Steve levels him with a blank if not highly irritable look as the reference sails clear over his head.
Harrington, Steve: Fucking jerk Not so bad, I guess. Worshipped by Henderson. Doesn’t know who Ozzy Osbourne is. Total fucking cheeseball. Has apparently never heard of The Flash.
You, thankfully, are not so hopelessly ignorant.
“Nerd.” You scoff, shoving Eddie playfully – then you notice the thousand-yard stare gracing Steve’s features, and you’re quick to explain, “Barry Allen is–”
“I don’t care.” He says – it doesn’t feel mean so much as deeply uninterested, “Just try to remember what I told you.”
“Sure. Don’t pass out.” You say with a lopsided shrug.
“Exactly. And no more sneaking off.” Eddie can’t help but get the sense that the second part is more for him than you, especially with the knowing look Steve gives him.
He just can’t help but tease him a little.
“No need,” Eddie says, curling his arms around you and jerking his head back down the hall. “Bedroom’s right back there, Big Boy — care to join us?”
“Oh, gross—”
“For the love of…”
Steve rolls his eyes and breathes the beginnings of a long-suffering sigh – Eddie is quick to let him off the hook.
“I’m kidding.” He assures the both of you.
You shove your way out of his arms and Steve shakes his head, in a clear attempt at trying to mask how visibly relieved he is to hear it.
“Yeah well, who can ever tell with you two,” he says, reaching out to clap Eddie on the shoulder before turning his attention to all the other hundreds of little preparations that still need to be made.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You call indignantly.
“Don’t worry about it,” Steve replies, “Your shirt’s on backwards, by the way.”
After that, it takes no effort at all for Eddie to coax you down the hall. Back in the relative dark of his bedroom, you choose the Hawkins Phys. Ed shirt graffitied with his name, and he can’t help but puff up a little with the warm glow of satisfaction for the choice as he watches you shrug out of your clothes.
Out of one shirt and into another, both of them his – the forest green gym shorts are yours, though, and it’s only pure happenstance that they’d gone unnoticed when he packed you away last fall. Stuffed into the back of the drawer they remained, since who knows when – from one of the hundreds of times you’ve slept over, he’s sure.
It feels a little bit like fate, if he believed in such a thing. Like they’d sat waiting for you, knowing you’d need them here and now, the matching pair to Eddie’s old gym shirt.
Once the shorts are tied tight and the shirt is over your head, you pull it taught by the hem to regard the chicken scratch scrawling of Munson with what he hopes is satisfaction.
Good, he thinks. Let the name do some good for once, let it shield you from anything that means you harm. Everything means you harm down there, even the air you breathe, but he can’t think about that right now, lest he succumb to his wits and try once more in vain to talk you out of this.
At least this way he can wrap himself around you, make a shield of his things.
“How’s that feel?” Eddie asks tentatively, watching you turn to regard yourself in what bit of the mirror you can see around Sweetheart.
You level him with a dour look.
“Like gym class.” You answer, flapping your arms at your sides matter-of-factly, “Why do you still have these?”
Eddie shrugs, pushing up from where he’s been sitting on the edge of the box spring with one leg tucked neatly beneath him.
“‘Cause I’m full of school spirit, remember?”
You roll your eyes.
“Right. How could I forget? You’ve got pep in your step.”
“Go Tigers.”
Eddie holds his battle vest dutifully in place so you can fit your arms through the holes, then pulls it snugly around you like a worn, patchy, denim hug – you’re swimming in it, and normally it would be incredibly endearing, but his heart is suddenly thumping solidly in his chest, and his insides are churning.
The fear is creeping in again.
“Anyway, have a little respect, will you?” he says, poking at the scrawling of his name across your belly. “This is lucky.”
Your brows marry over your eyes, and it’s almost enough to distract from the gnawing dread settling into his bones.
“How d’you figure?”
“Munsons are resilient.” He explains, “We’re hard to kill,”
Like some kind of unwanted household pest, skittering around Hawkins and coming back time and time again no matter what this town does to try and eradicate them.
Like cockroaches, he thinks miserably, but of course, he won’t tell you that.
“Good for you, I guess,” You say, “But not all of us have the good fortune of being a Munson.”
It’s ever so slightly shocking, hearing you say that. He’s never heard anyone refer to his family name as being one of good fortune, and suddenly he doesn’t know what to do with that endearment.
Nobody wants to be a Munson. He imagines the way his mother must have panicked when she came to realize the terrible mistake she’d made in hitching her wagon to his father, but by then it was too late because he’d already taken root in her – Eddie had always been the ball and chain that stopped his mother from escaping the name, what it did to her…
No, nobody wants to be a Munson… but maybe it doesn’t have to be like it’s always been.
Eddie tilts his head left to press his shoulder to his ear as he considers the notion – then raises his hand to make a slow, gentle chopping motion down against your shoulder – one, then the other – summarily knighting you.
“I dub thee: Honorary Munson.” He teases.
You bite your tongue against the giggling suddenly bubbling up inside you and roll your eyes.
“I don’t think that’s how that works,” You say.
“Oh, so suddenly you’re the expert?”
“It’s just not very official, is all.”
He stares at you a moment, letting the words sink in and feeling his heart beat heavily against his ribcage.
Suddenly he can’t stop thinking about where you’d been this time last year, propped up against one another on the sofa in the next room.
Eddie had been sick as a dog that whole week, certain he was always just moments from death’s eternal embrace, and yet laying there with his head in your lap, watching some forgettable movie of the week, he was happy. Happier than he would have been stuffed into the van for sixteen hours, at least.
That’s all he ever wanted, a life of quiet intimacy, where everybody was content to mind their own damn business, leave you to your devices.
Let all his grand plans and schemes fall through, so long as it means he gets to spend the rest of his life doing nothing with you.
Filthy rich or dirt poor, he doesn’t care so long as it's with you.
That’s all he wants, all he’s ever wanted, and he’s been certain of that since way too early on in your relationship, and it was a problem.
You weren’t even friends yet the first time he lost himself in a flight of fancy over how the rest of your lives would play out – the milestones you’d hit together.
Eddie shrugs against the way his heart is in his throat as he makes quick work of removing the ring with the dark stone from his finger. He reaches for your hand and hopes you can’t see the way he’s trembling as he slides it easily back into place over your middle finger – it’s nothing really, you’d already asked him for that ring a year into your relationship and worn it proudly up until last summer.
All he’s doing is righting a wrong, putting something back where it belongs, but somehow, this time it feels more important than that. This time it feels like a promise.
“There,” He says gently, feeling unbearably vulnerable as he watches you closely for your reaction, “How’s that for official?”
You’re beaming as you bring your hand up to look at the ring, admiring the scuffed, dingy stone like it were some kind of glittering diamond he’d spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on rather than the forgotten heirloom he'd found stashed in a dusty corner of his grandmother’s house a hundred years ago.
“Cool.” You hum.
“So cool.”
He reaches up to pull the vest tighter around you again before he’s realized he’s even moved, and then suddenly Eddie’s got his arms around you, hugging you tight against his body — his natural state of being, it seems.
You respond in turn by burying your face into the crook of his neck and sighing against him as he presses his cheek to your temple.
For as long a moment as he dares, he just holds you like that while the fear creeps up again.
Don’t go don’t go please don’t go.
“Can I ask you something?”
Your response buzzes against his flesh and sends goosebumps crawling across his body.
“Always,”
Eddie’s hand comes down to trace the length of your arm, a gentle up and down, grazing the pads of his fingers along the soft and tender flesh he knows so well.
His insides go tight and squirmy, and he feels a potent cocktail of nerves and nostalgic shyness bleed into his bloodstream.
He never actually asked you out the first time around. You sort of just mutually fell into the routine of scrambling to spend every spare second you had with each other, until one day he looked up and your lives were woven together.
It feels stupid to suddenly be shy about it, but he can’t let you cross that gate without putting it out there, even if you say no, even if you laugh in his face.
Eddie clears his throat to try and steady his voice.
“When all this is over — if we make it out, I mean — can I take you to the movies or something?”
You don’t answer, not right away, but he feels you still against him in a way that makes his nerves scream. After an agonizing moment, your hands snake up to rest on his shoulders and you push against him, though not with enough force to dislodge you from Eddie’s grasp more than a few inches.
He grips you by your elbows and holds you there, reluctant to let you go until it is absolutely necessary as you lean back and stick him to the spot with a wry look — eyes narrowed, lips curled.
He knows you’re about to tease him, considering everything you’ve been through, but those nerves are quickly turning sour in his stomach and Eddie doesn’t think he can stand to hear you say something sarcastic right now, not when he’s teetering so close to the edge.
Why does it suddenly feel like if he lets you go he’ll lose you all over again? His eyes feel puffy with the notion, and you thankfully pick up on it, like you always do, reaching up to stroke the highest point of his cheek with the backs of your knuckles.
The scratchy fabric of your bandage tickles him and he swallows the ragged breath threatening to burst forth from his lungs.
Eddie clears his throat again to middling results before he continues.
“I bet that stupid Gremlins ripoff is still playing in the city…” He says thickly, then rolls his eyes and offers a lopsided shrug he hopes appears as casual as he means it to be, “I mean … unless you already saw it or whatever.”
“Critters.” You posit.
“Right.”
You shake your head.
“Haven’t seen it.”
“Right.” He says again, because it’s all he can do to stop himself from falling to his knees and begging you not to do this.
He’d do just about anything to make you stay here where it’s safe, even if that means marching himself into town and right into the hands of the Hawkins Police.
But that’s not gonna stop Vecna, and if they don’t stop him then there’s no point to any of this.
They need you there on the other side, and it's tearing him to little melancholy pieces.
Your lips quirk up into a wry if not entirely sympathetic smile.
“Are you asking me out, Munson?” You ask, gently teasing him in a dutiful attempt to try and leaven the mood.
Eddie forces out a thick, wet bark of laughter and tilts his head forward to rest against yours.
“Nah, no way. ‘Course not.” he sniffs, “What, d’you think I like you or something?”
You hum thoughtfully and twist your head to the side so that his forehead is pressed against your temple and take a long hard look at the ring sitting snugly on your middle finger. It’s the wrong one, but the intention is still there.
Same as before, same as he’d felt way too early on in your relationship, Eddie would marry you tomorrow if you’d have him – make a real Munson out of you and do it better than any of the previous generations before him ever managed to. Break the cycle and finally do things right.
Neither of you may be around to indulge in that whimsy tomorrow.
You wrinkle your nose.
“Yeah, you know, I kind of got that impression,”
“Well, that’s stupid.” Eddie rasps, “And gross.”
“So gross.” You hum, pushing up on your toes to slant your lips against his.
It's only a chaste peck, made a little less so by a cheeky swipe of your tongue against his bottom lip – it’s all you have time for before there is a rapping of someone’s knuckles against the door frame, cutting the moment short.
You drop back down and spin around to face whoever it is come to intrude on your moment – only Nancy, thankfully, lingering in the doorway. You stand in front of Eddie with your back against him, like you mean to shield him from prying eyes until he can collect himself again.
If she notices the way he quickly brushes the wetness from his eyes, she doesn’t mention it, because Nancy Wheeler is nothing if not entirely classy.
“It’s time, you guys.” She says softly, and Eddie feels his guts seize in terror.
As if you anticipated the feeling, you reach back and squeeze his hand, nodding curtly.
“We’ll be right out,” you promise.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sliding through the gate is probably the worst thing you have ever experienced in your entire life, made all the worse by the way you’d had to ask Eddie for a boost because you’ve always been hopeless at the rope climb and you’re not about to start down the journey of self-improvement now.
“Cheerleader-style,” you’d explained, showing him what position to get into when he asked how best to do that.
He’d rolled his eyes and taken your foot in his hands.
“That’s not Cheerleader-style,” He snarked, which made Steve choke on a surprised bark of laughter.
And that’s how you knew the world was well and truly coming to an end. Because Eddie made a stupid sex joke and it was enough to make Steve Harrington laugh.
You’re so, incredibly fucked.
The reverse suction of gravity pulling you down through at the highest point of the gate and turning your world topsy turvy is the second worst thing you’ve ever experienced, and it sees you landing hard on your ass on the other side.
Your fall was mercifully broken by the bizarro version of Eddie’s mattress — somehow more disgusting than its real-world doppelgänger — which Steve had thankfully thought to pull out from the other room.
You’d only just managed to slide off of the thing before Eddie came crashing down after you, landing gracelessly on his back with a hard thump mere inches from where you’d been only moments before.
Everything moves much too quickly after that.
You follow A Team out into the murky underdark waiting just outside the tin door and have to plant roots in the ground to stop yourself from turning right back around and going for the safety of the gate.
Suddenly, faced with the dark and the debris and the perpetual bloody thunderstorm, sitting watch and babysitting the hole in the ceiling doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. But it’s far too late to start thinking about changing your mind, especially when B Team comes shuffling down the front steps to see you off.
You distract yourself by playing Mother Hen, turning around to fuss needlessly over your boys.
Your boys, your precious boys…
You pull Dustin’s hood up and secure it in place with the headband he’d chosen to add to his armor, straighten the Gilley suit, and tweak his nose for good measure, garnering an indignant squawk from the boy before you move over to Eddie.
You’re less frantic with him, and you can feel his eyes on you as you pull the zipper of his army-grade vest tight up to the collar, the demon-faced logo of the Hellfire club winking out of existence as you do. You can’t help but smooth your hands across his chest, attempting in vain to press out the wrinkles there and banish your nerves alongside them.
It’s not enough, you think, this isn’t gonna stop anything from hurting him.
You have to heave a sharp, steadying breath to quell the sick feeling suddenly stirring in your stomach, and you tell yourself it’s better than nothing.
It’s certainly better than what you’ve got, which is to say nothing at all – at least he’s got layers to protect against scraping claws and gnashing teeth, he’s got a shield and one of those wicked-looking spears the Sinclairs had prepared back in the field while you’d wasted precious time goofing off.
You wish you had a suit of armor, but you’ve got to move faster than you ever have, you can’t afford to be weighed down by any more protective layers than a pair of cotton shorts, Eddie’s vest – you’re thankful to have it, it’s the next best thing to carrying him with you (along with the faintest tinge of Steve, regrettably) but somehow you know it’s not going to be enough if something down here decides to try and make a meal out of you.
You’re cold, at least you think you are, somehow simultaneously shivering under the heavy, dank chill of the Upsidedown and growing sticky with sweat in the cloying humidity.
This place is a fucking nightmare — this place is where Barb died.
Suddenly you can’t stop thinking about that night in ‘83, about the party she disappeared from. You don’t know much about it, only that it had been Tommy and Carol at Steve’s place — your old friends who had at the point only recently ejected you from their circle.
Barb was only there because they had a vacancy to fill in the form of Nancy, and she came along by default. Suddenly you can’t help but feel that if Eddie hadn’t waltzed in and turned your world upside down, you would have been at that party, and it probably would have been your face on all the missing person posters and milk cartons.
Barb would still be here, getting ready to take her SATs and live the rest of her life, and you would have been dragged screaming into the abyss, never to be seen again.
You’re thankfully rescued from the spiral of trying to determine how your karma tallies up against the guilt you feel over it and pulled from the mire of your thoughts by the sound of your name tumbling gently from Eddie’s lips.
When you glance up at him, he’s giving you a deeply concerned look, and you wonder how much of the journey through your thoughts had been reflected across your face.
You feel the corners of your mouth twitch in your best attempt at offering him a reassuring smile, but you know it doesn’t reach your eyes.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Eddie says.
“No, yeah of course. It’s gonna be fine.” You mumble, painfully aware of how the tremble in your voice betrays that statement, so you try again, “It’s gonna be fun.”
It’s not even convincing enough to come across as sarcastic — you’re terrified.
Then, like he’s only just remembered something vitally important, Dustin perks up and begins patting himself down, frantically fumbling in his pockets as you watch without really seeing. He produces a clunky black Casio, the kind with a calculator built into the face, and immediately goes to work strapping it to your wrist.
“I already set it up to count you down.” He explains, “All you have to do is hit start and go, it’ll keep us in sync.”
You swallow hard as you stare at it — you remember the year he got the watch for his birthday, how excited he was about all its features.
You’d thought it was unbearably sweet that he was so thrilled about a cheap watch from Melvald’s General Store, but you desperately wish you were back there now, timing Dustin to see how fast he could run around the block (the answer was not very fast at all, and he’d been royally pissed when Mike beat his time by nearly half.)
He nudges you to bring your attention back again, this time he’s holding a walkie-talkie out to you.
You take it and sling it around your shoulders.
“It’s gonna be fine,” You say again, somehow less convincing than before.
However, neither Eddie nor Dustin gets the opportunity to say otherwise because Steve is suddenly there, sending you leaping damn near out of your skin with the simple act of resting a tentative hand on your shoulder.
“You ready?” He asks.
No, you want to tell him, but your throat is closing up and you don’t think you could have squeaked out an answer even if you tried.
You swallow hard against the tightness there and nod.
“Okay,” He says solemnly, turning his attention to B Team - Team Distraction, “Keep your radios on – stay in contact, stick to the plan—”
“And don’t get killed.” Eddie pipes up, winking at you.
As you turn on your heel and trail after the others across the park, you curl your hands into fists and silently hope you can manage to do all of those things at once.
It takes every bit of willpower you possess not to turn around and look back – if you look back you’re going to lose what tiny bit of nerve you’d been able to muster – but you didn't look back the last time you’d walked away from Eddie, left him standing there at the foot of those stairs.
The radio crackles, at your hip, and through it comes Eddie’s voice, calling your name.
“–Copy.”
You snatch the walkie-talkie up so quickly that you nearly crack yourself in the mouth, twisting around and stumbling over your feet, almost crashing into Robin as you do.
“What’s up, Eds?” You answer.
You can barely see him out in the dark, but he’s still there, watching you go. You can’t make out his features, but somehow you know he’s grinning that stupid grin.
“You’re supposed to say over – over.” He teases, voice lilting in that same old sing-song tone.
You roll your eyes.
“What do you want, Eddie … over.”
“Just to tell you your butt looks great in those shorts –”
You’re instantly blushing as Robin makes a harsh sound of undainty laughter at your side.
“Eddie–!” you hiss.
“Over and out.”
It’s not a long walk to the Creel House, but it’s made that much shorter by the cloud of doom hanging over your head.
You’d always done your utmost to avoid the place, what with its reputation for being haunted. It’s eerie enough in the daytime, but here and now, with the darkness crushing in on all sides, you can’t help the chill that creeps down your spine.
When you were thirteen, you’d very nearly had a falling out with Carol Perkins, who was still your best friend at the time, over your refusal to enter the house on a dare.
With high school looming, she was at the start of a sudden and violent transition that would inevitably see her become the mean girl she is today. As such, she was subsequently worried that you were making her look bad in front of her cool new friends, who wanted absolutely nothing to do with you, but were still busy making up their minds about her.
She called you a pussy, and you happily accepted the title, staying safely outside of the house while the older girls all filed in to play with the Ouija board one of them had brought along.
Carol stayed with you, out of some lingering sense of misplaced loyalty, you imagine, and as a result lost some of the budding clout she so desperately craved from the others — from that day on to the eventual implosion of your so-called friendship three years later, she never let you forget it.
Knowing what you know now, pressed up against Nancy sitting crouched beneath the rotting jungle gym across the street, you can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief that you’d always had enough foresight to stay out of the house – Vecna’s home.
Suddenly, you think you can see movement. Figures skulking around in the dark on the third floor, a ghoulish face peering out at you from the attic window.
You tell yourself the house is empty, that Vecna isn’t up there, despite how patently untrue you know that to be. Part of you wants to take some sort of comfort in knowing that you won’t have to enter the house, but all you feel is the violent buzzing of your anxiety.
You gasp out loud when the radio crackles, slapping your hands over your mouth and startling yourself as much as your companions.
“B Team to A Team, do you copy?” Dustin’s voice comes rasping over the static.
You watch as Steve brings the radio up to his mouth without ever taking his eyes off of the house, you wish you were half as calm as he looked.
“Copy.”
“We’re all set back here – go for Phase One?”
“Ready when you are.”
You feel yourself break into a cold sweat.
Phase one means you’re one deck. This is all happening very fast – too fast, if anyone were to ask you. Nobody is asking.
Then, in the distance you hear the first crunch of chords, a rippling echo of a sound that knocks you on your ass, right back to nights and weekends at the Hideout and half a hundred other dingy dives across Roane County.
Your breath catches in your throat.
If you close your eyes, you imagine you could picture yourself sitting parked behind a slapdash Corroded Coffin merch table set against a far wall, piled high with t-shirts, bumper stickers, and boxes upon boxes of cassettes.
In your mind’s eye, Eddie leans into the microphone and introduces the band to middling enthusiasm.
“This one goes out to all the ladies,” he says, like he always does before the first song because of how you’d once expressed vehement disdain for front men who would dare do something so cheesy.
Your nerves are a swarm of bees in your bloodstream as you suck in a breath through chattering teeth and the sound continues, three descending notes that bleed into a quick, hard riff that shoots adrenaline like lightning down to the tips of your fingers.
It only takes you half a moment to realize you know this song, and the buzzing of your adrenaline surges, thought differently than before – blinding terror has suddenly bled away to be replaced by the kind of heart pounding excitment that comes from standing in the crowd at a rock concert.
Oh my God, You think, He’s so fucking cool…
It breathes a spark of courage into you, and with a series of short, deep breaths, you fill your lungs and ready yourself to move. Without the necessary prompting you’d all agreed upon, you scramble out from beneath the jungle gym much to Steve’s hushed chagrin.
You curl your hands into trembling fists as you pad across the grass out into the street, stopping just short of the curb and turning your gaze up at the looming Victorian. In the intermittent flashes of crimson lightning, you can see the bats crawling across its visage, like thousands of teeming maggots, squirming in the belly of a roadkill carcass.
You suck in a breath and hold it, watching, waiting.
Eddie’s guitar has piqued their interest, just as you’d planned for, now you’ve got to make sure they follow through with that curiosity and clear a path for Nancy and the rest.
Phase one is in effect – time to go to work.
#eddie munson#cruel summer fic#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#stranger things fic#eddie munson fanfic#joseph quinn eddie munson#joseph quinn fic
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More Than That..(Eddie Munson X F!Reader)
Summary: Being Hawkins most desired cheerleader should be a dream any girl would love to live, but you could only despise the unnecessary title and the hurt that comes with it. Luckily you have your best friend, Eddie, who reminds you that you’re much more than that.
Warnings: Hurt/comfort. Insecurities, typical teenage boy behavior, verbal insults, hint at being pressure into sexual acts, some angst but lots of comfort/fluff from Eddie. Eddie being a complete sweetheart <3
A/N: This was inspired by rewatching Cassie’s episode in euphoria lol. If you want a part 2, please send some thoughts and ideas for it, and I’ll consider it <33 as I did leave it with an open ending. it would help me as this was rushed and in the moment kind of thing, kinda a vent so I have little idea on how to go about it if I continued it.
You could feel most of the soccer teams eyes glancing towards your way as you sat on the bleachers. Hair brushing the side of your cheeks as you stare down at your knees. The green cheerleading skirt only worsened the shivers that ran up your skin from the harsh wind in late September.
Maybe Eddie will let me borrow his jacket..You thought, a soft smile appearing on your lips. His dnd campaign set for after school that day was the only thing you were looking forward to.
Even if your boyfriend—a basketball player you begin dating a few months ago that wouldn’t stop pinning after you— was beside you. His arms sliding around your waist and his eyes boring into you.
“You know, you are literally the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen..”
It took a lot of effort to not let your smile drop.
That feeling twisting in your stomach. Ryan presses kisses against your cheek, eyes glancing towards the soccer players. It annoyed you. The way his hands gripped onto your waist tightly. His need to show off like everyone didn’t already know you both were together.
“Jesus I’m so lucky to have a girl like you as my girlfriend.” He says smugly.
Some girls outside the field were watching, most likely judging the display of affection. It was annoying. Everything been annoying you these days, really.
“Really..” You ask after a moment, pulling away and brushing his hands off you. “Well what else?”
“What?” He hums distractedly, blinking at you.
“‘A girl like me’, right?” Bottom lip is tugged between your teeth as you squint at him. “Well what else do you like about me? What else makes you lucky?”
There was that slight hesitation that proved enough for you. But you stared at him, waiting patiently. His eyes flutter and his lips part, face twisting in thought.
“Uh..” he drawls, surprised by the tone in your face but he recovers. “I mean, you do have a nice rack so that definitely makes me the luckiest guy on earth.”
He laughs. Proud of himself as if he gave you the most amazing compliment ever. Maybe any other girl would have accepted it; felt flattered, cheeks burning with a blush from the ego boost.
But yours burned in humiliation. That wasn’t anything you wanted to hear.
“You’re such a fucking ass.” You hiss, grabbing your bag that was placed between you feet and shoving him away. Ryan face drops in confusion as he stammers, asking where you were going but you were already halfway down the bleachers.
Flipping him off with good measure, you enjoyed the way some of the players on the field begin laughing. It distracted you from the tears that wanted to break though, but you were not going to let anyone see you cry. You had enough attention on you, you didn’t need to give them more to talk about.
This was the thing. You weren’t all that surprised by the lewd comment, it’s all boys ever said to you since you hit puberty and gained popularity. They focused so much on your outer appearance. Sure it was nice—who wouldn’t want to be complimented on their appearance.
It was hard for you to believe it half the time anyway. The compliments always feeling empty to you.
But there’s times where you would love to talk about..something else. Or hear something else. Anything else.
It’s nice to be able to really talk to someone and be listened to.
Good thing you did have someone like that.
You walk in the dingy theatre room later that day, chaos greeting you and you can’t help but feel your mood lift.
“Look who finally arrived!” Eddie shouts, practically bouncing towards you from across the room and pulling you into a bear hug. “These sheep were getting antsy, were afraid we were going to finish the campaign with out you.”
The idea had your heart swell. The knowledge that your presence was always wanted by the club; the members always excitedly chatting your ear off when they ran into you in hallways never ceased to make you into a soft mess.
“I guess you’re the one that’s antsy now huh?” You tease, pulling away from the hug and raising an eyebrow at him. “Now that I’m here, I’m going to kick ass and embarrass you out of your DM title.”
“Low blow princess.” He whistles, rolling his eyes at your confidence. “But me? Disappointed that you’re here? Never. How dare you speak such a concept.” His grin widens, patting your head. “Who else can I count on to show the sheep how it’s done?”
“Show what exactly.” You laugh, pushing his hand away from your hair.
“Don’t get all humble on me now. You’re the fearless and bold one here, even when the games gone to shit.” He leans in and whispers. “Don’t tell Dustin, but you’re definitely the best player out of all of them.”
Your face flushes. This wasn’t from humiliation or anger for once that day. It was stupid, he was simply being his usual self. Always knowing what to say to make others feel at good and comfortable around him.
But that trait never failed to make you feel a warmth blossom in your chest. Fearless. It was small. A random comment that no one would act so crazy about but you loved it. The small things he pointed out about you, always tucked away in the back of your mind to look back on when you stayed awake at night.
It felt good. You were fearless. Even if it stemmed from your reckless decisions on a fantasy game.
“Besides, they can’t survive the last part of the campaign without your lucky rolls.” He winks then notices that you didn’t have your usual zip up sweater over your Hawkins cheer top. “Jesus, you trying to get hypothermia?”
He’s already shrugging off his leather jacket before you can explain that you forgot in your rush this morning, Ryan’s impatience not giving you any time .
It’s thrown over your shoulders. “Did you forget we are smacked in the middle of shithole Indiana and not a sunshine state? You are not getting sick under my watch—“
You sigh loudly, accepting the warmth you been craving all day. Boyfriend forgotten.
“Thanks Eds.” You smile softly and he softens, deciding to save his scolding for another time.
—
“I never once doubted how smart you are, sweets.” Eddie states confidently, seeming happy at the news of your break up with Ryan later that week.
Smart.
You snort and cross your arms, hoping the lack of light in his living room was enough to hide your bashful smile. “Not that smart. I dated the idiot for 3 months before coming to my senses.”
“What pushed it?” He finally asks. Attention no longer on the film playing on the small tv, not even the revving of leather face’s chainsaw draws his attention back.
You shift uncomfortably and shrug. The thin blanket he threw over both your laps felt soft between your fingers that’s been tugging on a loose thread.
“He didn’t..understand me, I guess?” You frown and glance to the side at him. “He was like any other asshole whose life revolves around throwing balls into laundry baskets.”
Eddie lip tugs up in amusement at your reference to his rant from days before, nodding along. You felt proud at the reaction. Encouraging you to continue so you do. It was easy to open up; to talk to him.
“I mean really, what was I thinking?” You giggle, throwing your head back against the sofa and staring up at the ceiling. “He didn’t even know who Ozzy was! Or like, never even heard of a Stephen king book! I don’t think he’s read a book at all..”
“Christ, what is up with these people?” Eddie gasps dramatically, pushing your shoulder softly. “Stephen King? Really? Do they live under a rock?”
“I know !” You groan, shoving him back which resulted in you laughing loudly at him acting like he was shot instead of your weak attempt at moving him.
“How the hell does someone not know what Carrie is?” You complain . “It’s only one of the best books ever. Stephen King did an amazing job at capturing that whole teenage girl angst, ya know?”
“Eh, I still think Pet Cemetery is his best.” He replies.
“Cmon Eds, over a book about a girl with telekinesis?”
“Sweetheart, how the hell does that beat a damn little dead kid trying to murder his family?”
“Eds, it was stupid.”
“It was hilarious!”
“Okay, but the ending of Carrie is wayyy more satisfying. Killing all her asshole classmates?” You snort, barely noticing the way you both scooted closer together and both turned on your sides to face each other. “Shit, I would too if someone poured pigs blood on me. God that’s disgusting.”
“Hm you have a point.” He grins, his eyes never leaving yours. “I heard he’s coming out with a new book this year. Suppose to be a real scary one.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, was thinking we can drive out to that one bookstore a few towns over once it releases.” He proposes, tugging his hair in front of his lips. “Some signed copies will be there.”
“Oh we have to !” You smile excitedly before rambling. “I still need to buy a copy of Cujo, but I don’t know if I like the idea of reading about a rapid dog. What if it dies in the end? Well, it is Stephen King so it’ll probably be a better ending than that..”
Eddie’s eyes continued to stay on you, head tilted against his hand that was propped up on the top of the couch; listening.
There was no subtle glances towards any other part of you. His eyes shining with genuine interest and listening. No loud sighs that would shut you up whenever you accidentally talked too much around past dates. No annoyed expression at the fact that there was space between you two.
Eddie actually wanted your presence, actually wanted to hear your stupid ideas and opinions. Days spend with him meant you could let go of this perception that was held from you as Hawkins favorite cheerleader.
He would never truly realize how happy you were with him.
Or about the crush you kept a secret. Or the fact that you accepted he would never see you in that way either. He never once acted the way other boys at school did with you, so you could only guess..he didn’t like you that way.
Which was perfectly fine, you were still happy. Knowing that you had a best friend who didn’t hold this standard to you or saw you as a piece of meat.
It was nice.
“You know..” You whisper after a moment, leaning your head to the side on the couch. Sighing, “I feel like…every guy I date is the same”
“What do you mean?” He asks quietly, worry swimming in his eyes.
“I mean..” You frown. “I keep thinking they’ll turn out to be some Prince Charming like those romantic interests in most cheesy movies. But they all turn out to be dickheads.”
“Because they are dickheads. They never deserved you.” He reassures, reaching under the blanket and grabbing your hand.
“What if you’re wrong” You say quickly, speaking before he could rebuttal. “I mean. What if it’s not them that’s wrong. It’s me? It always turns out the same. So maybe..I’m not..good enough?”
“Nope. No no no.” Eddie shakes his head quickly and shoots you a warning look. “You are not going to speak like that around me. This is crazy. Unacceptable.”
“But Eddie—“
“No buts!” He groans and rubs his face. “Seriously y/n, how can you say that? You’re more than enough. And if those assholes can’t see that. That’s on them. Not you.”
You stay quiet. He sighs and makes you look at him, tilting your chin up with his other hand.
“Look at me.” He cups your cheek. “Have I ever lied to you?”
You shake your head hesitantly and he continues.
“So listen to me when I tell you. You’re fucking amazing and anyone would be lucky to have you, to be your Prince Charming and I do not want you to be selling yourself short, understand me?”
His sternness makes it hard for you to disagree so you nod along. “Okay. Good. Gooood?” He tilts his head and throws you a look.
You giggle at that, relaxing and leaning forward to place your head on his shoulder. If only he knew how much you wanted him to be your Prince Charming.
Instead, you allow yourself to bask in the relaxed atmosphere the rest of the night, holding his hand under the blanket as you fell asleep with your head leaned against his shoulder.
—
You regretted bringing Eddie along to the Halloween party you had been invited too.
You usually hated these parties but your friends kept begging you to go. Something about everyone expecting you to be there, blah blah blah. Whatever comes with the stupid popularity you managed to grow simply from joining the cheerleading squad.
The plan was to make him some extra cash. The partygoers being too drunk or hyped on the fact that it was Halloween to care that they were buying drugs from Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson. He was hidden behind a Jason ski mask anyway so it made you more at ease that he wouldn’t be targeted.
It was also so he could be with you. By your side most of the night, even if that meant staying in the corner of the house the whole night.
But it seemed that there was someone else that was interested in him way past than the drugs he was selling. One of your friends—not really a friend, more of someone you were stuck talking to during cheer practice—had convinced him to take a few shots in the kitchen.
Her loud giggling and faint hand brushes against his shoulder pushed you to take another swing of the mixed drink in your hand. Eddie was blushing at the attention.
Eddie was no stranger to sweet talking people though, so it was no surprise to see her blush at something he said right after.
You shouldn’t be jealous, but you were. The bitter taste of vodka wasn’t enough to distract you from the sour emotion that twisted in your chest, stuck with watching the scene play out from afar.
“Nice costume.” You look to your right and spot Tommy leaning against the wall. “Camp counselor..that one slasher movie right? The guy with that huge knife.”
“A machete.” A giggle escaped you, probably a result from the many drinks you had chugged down. “Uh but thanks, not many people knew what my costume was referencing too.”
It was funny. Everyone thought you were dressed up simply as a random camp counselor even though ‘Crystal Lake Camp Counselor” was spelled out on the tight white shirt you wore, along with fake blood splatters across it. You tug down the orange shorts when his eyes flicker to your exposed legs.
“Who hasn’t watched Friday the 13th?” He rolls his eyes and takes a sip from his drink. You glance at the freckles that painted the top of his nose and cheeks. Tommy was cute, a past asshole, but still cute. He stopped messing with Eddie once you made it very clear to everyone that he was your best friend.
What he hasn’t stopped was making his interest towards you abundantly clear. The whole week had consisted of him stirring up random conversations; whether be it in classes you both shared or when he caught you in the hallway.
They weren’t half bad conversations either. Like the one you indulged with him right now, his thoughts on the Jason franchise intriguing you and you can’t help but laugh when he admits he was more terrified of Michael.
He watches you laugh and smiles down at you. “Wow, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
The smile is completely wiped off from your face and you look down at your drink. Right. Didn’t Ryan say that too ?
“Hey-“ he interrupts your thoughts and attention on your drink. “Wanna head upstairs? Get away from all this mess and loud music. And you know..talk some more?”
You weren’t stupid. You knew what that meant. But one glance towards Eddie and the girl twirling a strand of hair between her fingers as she whispered something in his ear, made up the decision for you.
—
Maybe you were stupid.
At first you both were talking about the funny costumes you came across on the way to one of the empty bedrooms. You got a bit hopeful that maybe he really wanted to just..talk to you? His small confession about liking you for a long time only increasing that hope.
But then he began kissing you. You tried to lose yourself in the kiss, pushing Eddie to the back of your mind but he kept coming up. The question if he was looking for you right now floating around.
Eventually, his hand came up to roughly grip the back of your hair. His other hand reaching towards his belt and you pulled away, feeling disgusted.
“Tommy..” you sigh, looking away.
“Come on..” he whispers, tilting your head towards him. “I meant when I said really like you.”
“I know. I just...I feel really drunk.” You slur, wishing that Eddie was looking for you and can save you from this. You really wanted to go to his trailer and spend the night watching horror movies again. “Maybe we can hang out another time. Or even a real date. We can go—“
“Seriously?” That sweet demeanor from the past week was wiped off his face. Replaced by an ugly scowl. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
You blink in surprise, voice coming out small. “What?”
“‘Hang out’ ?” he scoffs. “You think I’m here because I’m interested in you?”
“But..we—you been talking to me all week. I thought..”
“All I want to do is fuck you, y/n. I don’t care what you have to say or what you think about things. God. You are so fucking boring.”
Boring.
Tommy continued to glare at you, not caring for the tears that were threatening to fall. You feel at lost for words and he takes advantage of that.
“Let me completely honest with you princess. Since no one will. No guy at Hawkins is interested in you besides fucking you. You’re only the ran through cheerleader that puts up an innocent act, but everyone knows you’re a slut and are waiting up for their turn—“
You get up quickly. Heart thumping against your chest as you try to hold in the tears. You didn’t want to cry when the words were so true. Everything that you feared, that haunted you every fucking moment since you let yourself fall into the attention that came with being ‘desired’, was finally confirmed.
“—Even that freak you hang out with all the time.” This stops you in your tracks and your hand clenches around the bedroom’s doorknob. “You don’t think he’s waiting for his turn?”
Loud music greets you once you finally push yourself out into the hallway. Your feet stumbling as you ignore some looks thrown your way as you make your way towards the kitchen. You needed Eddie to take you away from here so you could cry, have him hug you and remind you that no—what Tommy said wasn’t true.
You weren’t boring right? Were you really not that interesting?
Eddie didn’t see you that way too, right?
The kitchen was empty, no sign of him. The room was feeling smaller, chest constricting as you continue to search for the familiar mop of curly hair but no sign.
Was he with that girl? Maybe they also went to an empty bedroom.
The tears were beginning to fall. Shit.
Did he leave? Forget about you?
Skin buzzing from the alcohol, you couldn’t think straight. Tommy’s cruel words and reality check repeating as you try desperately to hold in your crying.
Cold hair greets you as you open the slide door that leads to the backyard, ignoring the way many people glanced your way as you made your way towards the pool. No one was inside because of how cold it was.
They continued to stare and you hated it. Tommy was right. Did you really think you were anymore than the title placed on you? All those things Eddie said, those small yet meaningful compliments weren’t true at all.
Everyone saw you the same. Another cheerleader that guys wanted a piece of and girls wanted to be. You were so fucking tired of it. You were nothing special, you always told yourself that. But it still hurt badly.
You really needed to cry.
You don’t think twice before jumping into the pool. You didn’t care; or was too drunk to care. It didn’t matter. You let yourself sink into the bottom, wrapping your arm around your knees.
The freezing water barely registered in your mind.
You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.
God, you are so fucking boring.
No guy is interested in you besides fucking you.
You really were stupid.
Your face scrunches up as an ugly sob finally rips itself through your throat. Air bubbles floating up to the surface as you continued to let out soundless sobs. All the disappointment and shame flowing out of you, the water swallowing every insecurity as you cry it out.
Boring. Boring. God, who did you think you were? Nothing more than a fuck. Nothing more.
You weren’t special at all. Nothing more.
Something breaks the surface of the water beside you. Hands grab at your arms from behind and you’re pulled up just as your body was beginning to beg for air.
You gasp as Eddie pulls you out of the water and out of the pool, his own panicked pants mixing with yours as he holds you against him.
“What the fuck y/n! are you fucking insane? How much did you drink-“ he stops once your sobs register in his ears. Your trembling hands clutching the front of the dark green button down. “Sweetheart? Hey hey..”
You continued to cry, shaking your head. Maybe it was a good thing that every was watching. They could see that you were a fucking mess. Something else slapped onto the titles that followed you around.
“I want to go home Eds.” You sniff, rubbing at the running mascara on your cheeks. “I-I can’t, I need to go.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll take you home. We’ll go home.” He takes off the button up and wraps it around you, a desperate attempt to help with the shakes that racked your body. He pulls to stand and pushes his way to the exit, cussing at anyone that was in his way.
Eddie helps you inside his van, before quickly getting inside himself and starting the ignition. You couldn’t stop crying, painful sobs filling the van.
“Baby—sweetheart, you need to tell what’s wrong.” His hands tighten around the steering wheel, attempting to pay attention to the road and you at the same time. Voice rising in panic, “I-I need you to talk to me. Did you hurt yourself? Fuck—did someone hurt you?”
You shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut. Breath hitching as you push yourself to speak. “Eddie, you wouldn’t use me right? I’m not just somebody you’re waiting to fuck?”
Eddie’s expression breaks.
“What?“ He presses on the brake a little to hard at the stop sign. You grab onto your seat and avoid looking at his face. “What-what the fuck are you talking about?“
“I just want to make sure you don’t see me the way everyone talks about me.” You grit through your teeth, sinking into your seat.
“I—no! Jesus, no.” He stammers, a honk behind him pressuring him to continue driving even though he wants to reach over and force you to look at him. “No. I’m not using you—what?”
“Okay.”
You shut down for the rest of the ride, allowing yourself to believe him. Eddie wouldn’t lie to you. It’s the only thought that brings comfort for now. A few silent tears continued to escape.
—
“We should have gone trick or treating with the freshman.” You mumble, allowing for Eddie to dry your hair with a towel as you sat on the edge of his bed. His sweatpants and hoodie replacing your wet costume.
You sobered up a bit.
Eddie doesn’t respond to that. He kneels in front of you. His first priority was to get you to his trailer and get warm. Your shivering had stopped, along with your tears. The only sign of what happened was the occasional sniffs and your reddened eyes.
He stares at you for a while before trusting himself to speak.
“We need to talk about it.”
“Do we?” You mumble, watching Eddie throw the towel to the ground in frustration. You flop back onto the bed and cover your face, feeling guilty.
“I just want to understand.” He says after a moment. “You disappeared on me, and as I’m looking for you, I find you at last second before you try drowning yourself.”
“I wasn’t trying to drown-“ you sit up at that.
“Then, you’re fucking crying and it fucking scares me even more, I thought—shit, I thought maybe you were hurt! Then you ask me the most ridiculous questions and fucking go quiet on me.” He tugs on his hair. “Now you act like nothing happened and talk about trick or treating?”
You take a shaky breath, bottom lip quivering as you recall Tommy’s angered rant. He notes this, the anger disappearing in a second and sits himself next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer to him.
“I’m sorry..I’m just trying not to cry over it again. it was stupid to do I know. Im stupid-“
“Hey.” He scolds and you rub at your eyes.
“It’s true Eddie..”
“Seriously, what happened?” He urges, grabbing your shoulders and making you look at him. “What’s making you act like this?”
A harsh laugh forces it’s way past your lips and you shake your head, feeling so stupid again. “Tommy. He..did you know I’m fucking boring?”
Eddie face twist in confusion. “What?”
“Tommy was trying to get me to have sex with him.” You close your eyes, Eddie tensing beside you. “And uh, I rejected it, told him that I was too drunk and he flipped out on me. Said a lot of mean things. That I was boring and he was never actually interested me, interested in anything I had to say..”
You snort but it transforms into a whimper. “I don’t know why I was surprised. Of course he was only nice to me at school for that. He said that every guy only is nice to me so they can get in my pants..”
Eddie grabs both your hands and rubs your knuckles gently with his finger. Eyes downcast as he sadly says, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left your side tonight. I should have been there.”
“Don’t say sorry Eds. You were having fun.” You reassure. “Besides, I needed that reality check. He wasn’t wrong-“
“You can’t seriously believe what Tommy said was true, do you? Nothing he said is true!”
“Well..” you frown and shrug. “I don’t know.maybe that’s all I got going for me. My body and my looks, nothing else? I should be happy with that, anyone would but-“ you look down at your hands. “I wish I was more.”
“You are.” He whispers, heart aching as the sight of you looking so defeated. “Jesus y/n, so are so much fucking more than that. You..you’re fucking smart, smarter than anyone I’ve met. I wouldn’t have passed any of my classes if you didn’t tutor me.”
You glance up at him as he continues.
“And those poems you’ve showed me before? their so beautifully written, no one else knows how their way with words the way you do.” Your ears burn and you struggle making eye contact.
“You’re fucking hilarious, I don’t think I laughed harder with anyone besides you. My days are made better by you simply talking to me, telling me about your day or whatever thoughts cross that mind of yours.”
“Really?” You sniff, tears escaping again. The thought that he likes talking to you as much as you did with him, you could cry all over again.
“Why do you think I force you to listen to new vinyls I buy? Because you always have a way of interpreting the music different than me. And I love hearing what you have to say about it..” he exhales and glances to the side. “Tommy’s a fucking idiot if he doesn’t want to hear what you have to say because anyone with a brain knows what a blessing it is to be around you.”
“Eddie..I..” you struggle and he shakes his head.
“The kids..they also adore you. You should see the way they look up to you. I mean, I’m pretty sure you’ve taken mine and Steves spot in being Dustin’s favorite.” He grins and brushes your behind your ear. “Even Max tolerates you.”
“Max?” You gasp. “Okay now, I think you’re going a bit too far.”
“It’s true, sweets.” He snorts. “Don’t tell her though because I dont think I can handle another skateboard thrown at me.”
“I won’t.” The tension has left your body and you looked more relaxed, playing with his rings. “But..you really think all that?”
“Yes and there’s way more I can list out. Whatever Tommy said..it’s bullshit. You’re amazing y/n. And No one can compare to you.”
You throw your arms around his neck, climbing onto his lap. He hugs you back, running his fingers through your hair as he soothes the small cries you let out.
“There is one thing I’ll say, one of the most utterly important things they’re missing out on is..” He gives you an exaggerated dreamy look when he pulls back to level your face with his.
Fingers wiping away a tear before he grins, “—Is that can make a cook up a real mean mac and cheese.”
“Oh my god.” You laugh and push his face to the side, unable to hold down your own grin spreading on your face. “Is this your way of telling me you’re hungry?”
“Maybe.” He hums, grabbing your wrist and sliding down his hand to intertwine your fingers again. You roll your eyes but lean against him. His words managed to kick away any of those ugly doubts and insecurity Tommy had managed to force through the cracks.
“Remember when you told me about how I’ll eventually find my prince charming?”
“Mhmm. Maybe he isn’t in shitty Hawkins, but—“
“He is, though.” You tighten your hand around his. “Eddie. You’re my prince charming. You’re the only person who listens to me, actually listens. And I only ever feel myself with you.”
Eddie freezes, taking it in. His face softens and he looks away. “Yeah?”
You nod. Maybe he wasn’t a Prince Charming in the way you wanted. With a barrier between a platonic relationship and a romantic one, but—
You’ll deal with that small heartache for now.
“Yeah.” A small kiss is placed on his cheek hesitantly before you pull away. Pale cheeks redden from the contact and he clears his throat.
He glances at the shy smile you throw at him, and he smiles back.
“Well uh..I will happily be your Prince Charming then.” He states once he recovers. You both stare at each other for a few seconds longer, an invisible tension growing.
He breaks the eye contact first, clearing his throat and glancing at the clock near his bedside. “It’s still pretty early. Dustin did say they were staying out until midnight.”
You grin as he snatches the ski mask that was thrown on the floor and jumps up. He holds his hand out.
“So miss camp counselor, shall we go look for those rowdy children that you should been have supervising? I’m sure their hitting the jackpot in Steve’s neighborhood right now.”
“Oh yeah, maybe we can scare them with that big machete of yours into giving us their bags of candy.” You giggle, letting him pull you up. Eddie laughs and throws his head back.
“That’s evil.” He smirks and grabs the prop machete from you. “No wonder you’re Jason’s favorite camp counselor. He’ll spare you for tonight.”
“Not exactly one anymore, I don’t even have the costume Eds.” You mention at the baggy clothes on you and whine. “Pretty sure it’s a crime to go out there just in this.”
The mask is quickly placed on your head, the elastic snapping against the back of it before he rotated the mask around. Placing it to hang off the back of your head and fixes the strands of hair he messed up.
He cups your cheeks and nods, looking content. “You upgraded to Jason now. I’ll go pour ketchup on myself and we can pretend I’m your murder victim. Should you have sliced my neck open or my stomach?”
“Idiot, don’t dirty that sweater. I bought it.” You huff,rolling your eyes. “Now cmon, let’s go before someone else steals candy from them.”
“Lead the way then, princess.” Eddie tilts his body and you laugh, grabbing his arm and pulling him with you. The excitement of eating candy and overall ease that comes with being with Eddie allowing you to forget everything that happened tonight.
—
#Eddie munson#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x reader#Eddie Munson imagines#eddie munson angst#eddie stranger things#stranger things imagine#strange things#stranger things season 4#eddie munson x y/n#Eddie x you#Eddie munson fluff#Eddie munson comfort
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