Mindful Monday

Tips for dealing with dysphoria when it reels its ugly head.

Apologies can be hard. Hopefully the Hippo of Apology can help.

I've posted this in a server with my friends, but I realise that this is something that I'd like to share to the world as I believe it could potentially help others who struggled like I did.

Like many, I suspect, I have difficulty with saying "I'm sorry". As a child I was often forced to say it even when I wasn't sorry or didn't understand why I should potentially be sorry. There were even times I was asked to apologise to keep the peace. Out of anxiety, I would often apologise.

I've learned some small, non-verbal ways to communicate my regret to my spouse, but for online friends I still struggled. Even worse? I often felt like sorry wasn't enough. It felt empty, just like it did growing up. I always felt as if it should feel... I don't know... different. (Not necessarily good, just different.)

But I wasn't sure how.

Until I realised something.

My desire to apologise takes the form of me giving you something. A piece of food. A stuffed animal. I've almost done it with a candle, even, and I did it just this morning with a friend using a hippo emoji. When I first started, it was with my husband, and I utilised my favourite stuffed hippo. Which is where "Hippo of Apology" came from!

For some reason, this random ass object within my reach becomes the holder of all of my regret and my apologies which makes it possible for me to PHYSICALLY HAND IT OVER... which properly connected in my brain as an apology that I could get behind.

Not only do I feel like I've adequately expressed just how much I am truly sorry, but it often helps break tensions in uncomfortable situations (pending context and nuance, of course).

Not to mention giving the individual I hurt a stuffed animal or something cute (or funny) is my way of attempting to help soothe the upset that I had caused. So not only am I apologising but I'm actively attempting to make up for it... because for me, actions feel far more fulfilling than words in these situations (again pending nuance and context).

I know I'm not the only one who has had this struggle, so I hope that if you also struggle with this, that perhaps this method of apology will be an adequate replacement for a stereotypical verbal-only apology. 🧡

Today me and my therapist made my dysphoria into a little monster and gave it a name. May I present? This is Dysphoria-Bob! He is a mix of a child that is currently in their defiance phase and a dog. When he misbehaves and throws a fit, he hurts me and thus has to go outside for a while to calm down. Then it may come back inside. He usually sleeps in front of my bed. When it is nice, it gets head pats. Dysphoria-Bob is my insecurities and anxiety but I love him anyway. It uses he/it pronouns :)

I actually exercised tonight for the first time in a while… in moderation of course. 🥳⭐️⭐️⭐️😆💪🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻

This is a big deal as I a) recover from depression and b) because I have executive function issues from ADHD/Autism… go me!

Three quotes I'm trying to live by right now are:

1) So be afraid, and do it anyway.

2) Use your anger to your advantage.

3) You're as ready as you'll ever be.

These quotes remind me that bravery doesn't come from not being afraid, but from being afraid and still going for something, that instead of sulking and simmering in my emotions (which I do a lot) I can use those emotions to get something done (since I mainly sit and simmer in my anger that's the emotion I use in the quote) and that I can say that I'm not ready for something yet, but even if it's true, the day that I'll be ready might never come, so I might as well go for it and live my life the way I want.

I hope this helps some of you out there as well :)

Ever just develop a alter who is on their villain arc?

Last night a new alter formed while I was in my headspace communicating with my alters. What happened, was a black shadow shaped like a person had a white question mark on the “face” of the shadow. It was teleporting around all of us, then left. we were all creeped out.

Now, just an hour ago, our legal guardian held off our coping mechanisms for stupid reasons. All we wanted was to get a notebook to write down our alters and mental health. It was healthy coping. But my legal guardian, who is my family, who is also one of my abusers, denied us the access to get that notebook from the store because of their cult.

 (I am not getting into that here, but basically my grandparents, legal guardians, whatever, are literally in a cult that they think is Christianity even though the bible is different, church is on Saturday, they have no building, its been 100 years since it was founded, and it was founded from a old man who said Jesus was resurrecting again very soon.)

Because they put off our healthy mechanism for a few hours, I was upset, but the rest of the system was enraged, even the littles where very upset. The new alter has been co-con with me all morning, I felt it, but they weren’t coming forward, and it didn’t feel like the main alters I have that like to front. So I just let it go.

Just now, she told me who she was. She is nice-ish, but she is a protector on her villain arc. By that I mean, she is a protector who is mischievous and ready to throw hands.

Recently, my protector (who used to be our persecutor) has been getting really fucking depressed. He is our only protector and he was getting overwhelmed. When I was in the headspace this morning, he did nothing but sleep, or hang onto random alters (mainly me, the host) and he was very groggy and didn’t talk much. I believe the new alter is here to help ease his load.

The new alter is not violent I don’t think, but she is a overbearing protector. What I got from her vibe so far, (and song choice, she was triggered by a song, thats how she finally told me her name) she is, nice, but she isn’t taking any bs. She will be nice if your nice, but she will stand up for our body and me immediatly. That is why she is here right now, because everyone was raging cuz we were being denied healthy coping skills. 

She gives me God is a Women vibes. Badass independent women vibes.

I will update about her personality. I think the villain arc is simply just because she got triggered by the systems rage. She might calm down later and be non...villainy but I’m not sure. She doesn’t give me the vibes of always dangerous. 

Anyway, yeah, ever just have an alter show up that is ready to fight everyone and everything?....in a non persecutor way?

Mental health providers have the skills and expertise to help individuals in a multitude of ways, spanning from coping with daily stressors to managing severe mental health conditions. If you are interested in gaining a deeper understanding of this matter, Devoted Wellness and Counseling Services LLC, a premier mental health clinic in Wheaton, Maryland, has you covered!

Top Skills Thursday: Plan a Response

This is greatly inspired by my current struggle with being in the red on sensory issues. I’m quitting smoking (determined idiot that I am for starting, then not stopping sooner, but still trying over and over to stop) again. The joy of that is that I’m reacting to things touching me at a level I’m not used to at all. It’s a special hell.  Well, here’s the reason for the post. When things are…

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hello my dear friends i want to thift sooo bad like i dont know why but i have a carnal desire to go to the thrift and find a long denim skirt. but anyways i continuted twilight and im now on chapter 3, ive noticed that edward is so much more talkitive and expressive in the books. hes not just some hot edgy bad boy but he actually trys to talk and be friends with bella. this weekend i gotmy favoite chinese food, sweet and sour chicken. its sooo good and then i had my leftovers for breakfast the next morning. ive also started playing getting better with hello kitty and friends for the ds. i plan to collect all of the purchasable items. my mary woolstone craft book arived and i dont know whether i am going to read that next of witchcraft by rosen. my most recent project however is making all of my friends personal friendship bracelets. and this sounds easy however i am making 5 all with 10 strings each. this is very tedious however i plan to edure for my dear friends.

Random funny mental health advice

okay so, upon having a conversation with a friend about coping mechanisms, we reached the "personify the mental illness" strat. (basically, where you talk back at the mean brain thoughts and go "nuh uh") and i've realised the funniest strat list:

gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.

gaslight- "brain what? no? that's not true"

gatekeep- "okay sure but i raise you: no. you're not allowed to control me"

girlboss- "fuck you braaiiinnnnnnnn im gonna do it anywayssss you're a bitccchhhh"

(it genuinely kinda helps! try it!)

Mindful Monday-Tips for Bad Days

Useful references for when your having bad mental health days or feeling like you need to rest & recharge.

How to Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Coping with stress in a healthy way is important for both your physical and mental wellbeing. Unhealthy coping mechanisms like overeating, smoking, or drinking too much can negatively impact your health. Learning positive ways to deal with difficult emotions and situations can help you feel better and avoid unhealthy behaviors. This article provides tips on developing healthy coping skills. Meta…

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getting monstrously stoned & shucking chickpeas >

My favorite hc for Tim is that his stress relief is fucking over other villains. He makes his bad days their problem.

Are the city officials being needlessly tedious in Neon Knights programs? Luthor suddenly has IRS knocking on his door for improper tax filing.

Did one of his siblings postpone plans? Deathstroke starts to have difficulty finding contracts.

Does he get an injury that prevents him from patrolling for a few weeks? Ra's doesn't need so many Lazarus Pits.

He's petty and takes his anger out on villains without warning. Could he do any of these actions before he gets annoyed with life? Yes. Does he purposefully wait until he wants to snap? Also yes.

Studies look at how to improve the health impacts of stress

Studies look at how to improve the health impacts of stress

Two new studies find that adults between 18 and 36 who take proactive steps to respond to stress are better able to avoid those negative health outcomes. Both studies demonstrated that the more proactive coping younger adults engaged in, the better their physical health on stressful days. Proactive coping is an…

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Burnout

I’ve been feeling “off” lately. This feeling has gotten more intense as the days & weeks pass by. The feeling has become more complex. I feel like I’m at a point with it now that I can’t keep ignoring it or pushing it off. First I had to figure exactly what “off” means, and I think I landed on it. Burnout. So, while I work on how I plan to deal with this burnout, I want to share this Instagram…

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