#healthy connections
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Just remember that it is important to build your skill in recognizing the individuals in your life who are healthy for you versus those who are not. Continuing to keep yourself close to the wrong people can put you YEARS behind where you could be in life, or might take you back to places that you healed from long ago. Lessons don't always need to hurt.
#reminder#gentle reminder#life#living#relationships#friendships#toxic relationships#progress#healthy communication#communication#connections#healthy connections#healthy relationships#relationship dynamics#friends
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Healthy connections can lift you up out of heartache and despair.
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During one of my breathing sessions, someone shared about their feelings of loneliness. It took me by surprise, as this person seemed to have it all together: popular and loved, physically fit, calm and collected, with a busy career, and in a relationship. Their honesty struck a chord with me and reminded me that we never truly know what someone carries inside. I admired their courage in opening up about such vulnerable feelings, which inspired me to reflect on my own experiences with loneliness and the masks I’ve worn to conceal it.
As someone who’s always reflecting and striving for self-improvement, I realized I haven’t always been honest in my healing journey. I still struggled to acknowledge my own loneliness, likely due to shame and childhood conditioning of never showing weakness. Growing up, my parents portrayed an image of the perfect family, hiding the problems, emotional abuse, and beatings we endured at home. I was expected to behave in the same manner, concealing what was really going on. They still have a habit of downplaying things and acting like everything’s fine. Their avoidance and lack of accountability are some of the reasons why I could never have a healthy relationship with either of them. Realizing this makes me sad and lonely too, but I’ve accepted it.
Despite these feelings of loneliness, I’ve come to appreciate the value of solitude in my life. There are times when I actively seek out moments of quiet reflection to process my thoughts and emotions, especially after being around others or having certain experiences. I’ve learned that there’s a difference between needing solitude for self-care and feeling isolated or disconnected from others. While I don’t mind being alone, and indeed often need it to maintain my emotional well-being, I still yearn for meaningful connections with others. It’s in those moments of genuine connection that I find solace and a sense of belonging, reminding me of the profound human need for both solitude and companionship.
Hearing this person talk about loneliness stirred something within me. Over the past weeks, I’ve been slowly accepting my own loneliness, something I’ve hidden deep inside and been too ashamed to admit. Most people wouldn’t believe me anyway. I remember years ago when people first heard I was suffering from depressive episodes, coworkers and neighbors were in disbelief. People always find me sociable and fun; I can make people laugh and come across as someone who’s always happy. And whenever I go outside, I always take care of my appearance. So I understand why people aren’t aware or are in disbelief. Nowadays, not many know how I’ve been feeling lately, and no one knows the depth of my loneliness. They might suspect it, but I’ve never openly discussed it with anyone.
This deep-rooted loneliness also translates to attracting the wrong romantic interests. Sadly, it has led me into the wrong arms more than once, leaving me even more lonely and traumatized. It made me afraid of love, less trusting, and sad to a point that at times I can barely face the world or function. As I write all this, I find myself taking breaks to compose myself, wiping away tears, and remembering to breathe.
What I long for most in this moment is a caring, safe man; someone who looks at me and really sees me and doesn’t run, use or betray me. Someone who holds me tight for minutes on end, offering solace and understanding. While I am capable of tending to my own needs, there are times when the journey feels overwhelmingly lonely. I can’t help but imagine the comfort of sharing the weight of my emotions with someone; someone to gently wipe away my tears, to hold my hand through the challenging moments, and to provide unwavering support when I need it most. In the end, I’m only human, longing for comfort and connection. My soul wants safe, genuine, and profound love.
#personal#self reflection#my writing#healing#emotions#safety#shame#lonliness#solitude#breath work#healing journey#soul#mental health#grief#inner child#trauma#emotional intimacy#healthy connections#relationships#love#emotional abuse#domestic violence#toxic behavior#240424#0424
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Forging Connections Amidst Complex Trauma: Navigating Relationships and Attachment
Embarking on this multi-part blog series, we’re about to dive deep into the concept of “Safe People” and equip ourselves with the knowledge to recognize individuals who may not be safe for us – those who exhibit toxic traits.
What is an unsafe person?
Pause and reflect: Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that seemed perfect at first, only to unravel as time went on? A prime example…
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#Emotional Safety#emotional well-being#Healthy Connections#Personal Growth#Recognizing Red Flags#Relationship Dynamics#Safe Relationships#self-awareness
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But i will forever remember how rightly he treated me. 💖🦋
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I feel like being a decent human is so obvious to me that when people don't get it, I'm confused.
Simply meaning that a conversation and understanding each other's pov makes a huge difference in healthy relationships. Not everything is personal 🤷🏻♀️ we're all looking at life through different lens. Wouldn't it be easier to just explain what we are all experiencing and respect each other's pov?
#thoughts#my thoughts#deep thoughts#deep thought#deep thinking#human#human things#healthy relationships#healthy connections#love#understanding
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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MAKING FRIENDS ♡
Friends add so much value to your life. Especially ones that you like, and there is a positive healthy exchange of support and love in between. However, some of us do struggle to create meaningful friendships that last. To start this post, I will start by talking about how friendships are essential to becoming the best versions of ourselves.
Friends help us in many ways, even if they don’t even do it directly. We discover new things about ourselves just by talking to them, we have a sense of belonging and build our self-esteem. It’s not impossible to have these things and be alone, though being alone for extended periods can fester feelings of social isolation & loneliness.
As someone who’s experienced both, usually, these feelings can make us spiral deeper as it is just the tip of the iceberg. Humans need daily communication to feel sane, which has been proven again and again.
If you decide to invest a lot more time, effort, and energy in friends, there’s bound to be an overflowing amount of rewards. Hanging around the right people can open up new opportunities for yourself drive you closer to achieving your goals and help advance your skills.
This being said, if you invest in the wrong people or neglect your friends, the opposite will more than likely happen. Remember that the people you allow in your life can influence you, whether for better or worse.
REDEFINING YOUR MINDSET TOWARDS MAKING FRIENDS
Your mindset is so crucial to making friends. It can either help you or not. Another thing is that your mindset towards life, in general, can either repel or attract people to be around you.
Firstly and importantly, do not get attached to people you barely know. Don’t overthink about them, change yourself for them or get anxious waiting for a reply. Seriously, detach. Little things like replies or if they’ll like you, should not bother you. The concept of it bothering you should not even exist in your mind.
Secondly, do not think of humans as assets to support your growth. This is just so icky and once you get that materialistic perspective on friendships, it just becomes harder to create meaningful ones. While friends can help you grow and achieve your goals, they will drop you once they realise they’re being taken advantage of.
Thirdly, stay true to yourself. A bit of common advice, yet not widely followed. Never, ever, make the effort to change yourself for someone to like you a bit better. If someone doesn’t like you for just who you are, they’re not meant to be in your life, forcing it causes unnecessary & avoidable circumstances.
Fourthly, quality over quantity always. When you get older especially, it shouldn’t be your priority to gain masses of friends. Most likely, not all of your friends like you because it’s harder to invest in all of them and causes you to neglect them.
However, having quality friends who help you grow and succeed will never stop serving you in life even if that friendship falls out. Plus, you are too busy achieving your goals every day to entertain everyone you know.
Lastly, do not allow disrespect just because you’re friends. They will test the waters to see how much you can tolerate, then you allow them to, they’re just going to get more extreme with it. Identify disrespect in ‘jokes’ or casual conservation and call it out. These people are praying for your downfall.
That being said, just because it is not happening to you, don’t allow it. Once you establish yourself as only wanting respect, you’re going to get treated like it.
DEFINING YOUR INNER AND OUTER CIRCLE
Your inner circle consists of people whom you are close to, and have healthy and positive relations with them. These are the kind of people who you’d go to for emotional support or to celebrate great successes in your life.
Then, you have your outer circle. These can be people who you’re close to, but they’re not the closest. It consists of people who you talk to regularly, but there’s still that distance. Distance is not a bad thing at all in friendships, not everyone is meant to be your closest friend.
Now those two terms are established, I want you to visualise how you want those two circles to look. These can be people who you want to be friends with, wanting to cut anyone off or just people who you hope to meet one day.
Then define how you want to feel with those two circles, like a loving or caring circle, or a growth and learning circle. This is completely up to you, about how those circles feel and look like as it is for you.
I recommend writing your visualisations down and putting them somewhere you can see regularly. This is just to help us get into the energy of making meaningful friendships every day.
STANDARDS + CRITERIA IN FRIENDS
The heading is a little bit off-putting, I understand. However, it is essential to establish a set of standards once you start making friends. This is to make sure you’re making quality friendships, and not attaching to just anyone.
This is a bit of individual advice, you have to curate your standards by yourself. A personal example is that I’m Christian myself, I believe in God and I’m devoted to him.
So, in that case, I won’t allow other religions or non-religious people into my inner circle. While they can be in my outer circle, I would prefer having most of my friends believe in God and uphold his values.
Standards and criteria in friends can either be a must quality (they must have this quality) or a preferred quality (I prefer if they did, don’t mind if they don’t). You decide which qualities are which, and if they apply to your inner or outer circle.
Can’t say much, but to help you, I advise looking into yourself internally and once again, visualising what those friendships look like daily. To help, I’ve gathered a few journaling prompts!
What do you think are the responsibilities of friendship?
What is the nicest thing a friend could ever do for you?
What do you think friendship is?
How do you expect the aftermath to be after an argument with a friend?
How can someone become a part of your inner circle?
What behaviour makes you want to cut someone off?
Who were your favourite friends in the past? What did they do to become your favourite?
How would you like to be shown appreciation daily?
Do you like banter or prefer showering each other with compliments?
Then, extract from your responses to these prompts, some characteristics or traits that you look for in friendships.
BECOMING SOCIALLY ELOQUENT
The first tip i’m going to give to you is to read. Not just in your head, but out loud reading. Read, and see if you’re going too fast or too slow, you’re pronouncing words clearly and know when to pause. Bonus points if you record yourself reading, then rewatch it to see your progress.
Search up any words you don’t know and how to pronounce them, and to test yourself, think of a way to use those words in an everyday sentence.
While this helps to expand your vocabulary as well, really keep in mind the setting of the conservation. If you’re at a science and math invention fair, more advanced language is suited. However, you wouldn’t use that same way of speaking casually at a party.
The second tip is to get rid of all filler words in your vocabulary.
Like
Um
Uh
so
Unnecessary when speaking and it can make you an unengaging conservationist. Just take a pause when thinking, and if you forget what you were talking about, tell your listener or just change the topic. Sometimes, these words are needed when speaking, but not all the time.
The third tip is just to do everything slower, while speaking. Move your hands slower, don’t dart your eyes around and take deep breaths before speaking. If not, you seem anxious and jittery, in which your words will not be clear.
The fourth tip is to pay attention to the listener. Make eye contact with them and ask questions about them too. This makes it a lot more engaging and therefore, easier for the listener to listen.
My fifth tip, and the most important, is to practice speaking. Whether it is in front of a mirror or with a partner. Use notes as reminders while practising to help you remember what to do. There are even videos on YouTube where you can pretend you’re having a conversation with someone, or you could just make your own.
However, practice yourself to speak without preparation. Like for example, you strike up a conservation with your classmate and apply the things you’ve learnt.
Bear in mind, that the whole point of becoming socially eloquent isn’t to make people listen to you, but to make it easier for people to listen to you.
MAKING FRIENDS + KEEPING THEM
Now everything else is out of the way, let’s talk about what you probably came here for. How to make friends and keep them. Better said than done.
The settings where you meet someone are important. It allows you to easily connect with people who are similar to you in any way, without actually having to state it. Here are a few places to meet people.
Church/any religious site (same beliefs)
Sports club (like that sport/exercise)
Any classes (people who like learning/that hobby)
School or university (you’ve got something to connect over)
These are just a few examples of where to meet people, however, you do not have to go somewhere else just to meet someone. Sometimes, I go to my nearest shopping mall or supermarket either after school or on the weekend and talk to any girls who look around my age, with whom I’ve gained so many friends.
While going to a particular setting helps to find people with similarities, it’s not the essential piece to meet people.
If you struggle to make friends just by striking up a conversation, just make yourself known to others first. Help them when needed, compliment them or greet them daily. They will most likely approach you first and talk to you first as you’ve deemed yourself approachable. Do not rely on this method though, not everyone is willing to approach you.
Once you find a potential friend and you’re talking to them, make sure it’s an engaging conversation. First, ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are ones that someone can expand on, basically not yes or no answers.
Do you own any cats? -> What’s your favourite cat breed?
Do you enjoy *activity*? -> What’s your favourite thing to do after school?
When can we hang out? -> Where’s your favourite place to hang out?
These are the kinds of questions that you get to know someone and are engaging. Remember, do not be overbearing with questions, it can come off as kinda odd.
Secondly, find any similarities and talk about them. For example, a sport, a favourite book, a hobby, religion. It is so easy for people to connect over their favourite things.
Thirdly, have open and friendly body language. Smile when they’re talking, maintain eye contact, avoid crossing your arms and legs, and lean in to show you’re listening. People love love, good listeners.
My fourth point which refers back to being good listeners, is remembering what they say. If they said, oh I love going to the beach, maybe suggest going to the beach together. Or, they said, I hate studying, then the next time they have a test, help them study.
Lastly, avoid small talk. It becomes awkward and the answers are always the same. If you must, ask them about things that happened in their life. Like, how’s that boy you’re talking to or did you do well on that test?
Most people also hate small talk. So, if every single conservation is just small talk, they would not want to talk to you.
These little things that you remember can make people like you and therefore, want to be your friend. I remember stuff about people by just writing it down and occasionally referring back to it.
Now, let’s say you’ve got your friend now. However, you don’t have a way of talking to them every day. They don’t live close by nor do they attend your school/uni/any place. So, how do we keep them?
Easy, invest in those friendships. Talk to them via messages or phone, schedule days to hang out, check up on them to make sure they’re doing well, be honest with them, remember important dates of their lives etc.
Keeping friends is just about being a good friend to them. Just think about how you would like to get treated by your friends and treat them like that. Even if they don’t reciprocate, putting out those positive actions, will come back to you one day.
#becoming that girl#green juice girl#just girly things#friends#friendships#relationships#communication#connection#healthy relationships#becoming her#it girl energy#glow up#that girl#wonyoungism#pink pilates princess#clean girl#healthy girl#dream girl#it girl#dream girl guide#dream girl journey#dream girl tips#dream girl vibes
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With everything that happened this episode, it’s really sweet to see Prospero genuinely caring about Annabel and doing his best to comfort her
#I hope we see more genuine bonding between these two#cause Annabel girl unless you sort your shit out with Lenore#Prospero is the closest thing you have to a healthy connection#AND YOU FUCKING NEED ONE#nevermore#webtoon nevermore#nevermore webtoon#annabel lee whitlock#annabel lee nevermore#prospero nevermore#nevermore prospero#posh besties
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It's such a vibe that, in truth, Light canonically doesn't give a damn about L's 'loose screw' or whatever Kira-Light pretends to think about L's habits.
His response to L's morbidly fascinated, wide-eyed smirk is simply 😊i knew this would cheer you up <3.
The chemistry in this panel specifically is so wholesome. While the rest of the team still seems a little weirded out after months, Light is just there "Let my hunched friend spin on his chair..; Alright climb on the armrest of mine & put your arm around me bc I won't bat an eye if it's you - Look at this research I did for something I know would release you from your demotivated state. This intense look on your face tells me you're invested. Glad you're back on it *smiles softly*"
#what a healthy & accepting relationship i sure hope nothing bad is going to happen to tare them apart#death note#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#Bitches be like they're not soulmates they're not perfect in every way they don't have a almost inhumanly natural-seeming connection
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#personal#note to self#reminder#loa#the one#healthy connections#love#healthy relationships#emotional health#emotional stability#emotional intimacy#110123#0123
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Harrow the Ninth spoilers but holy shit NOBODY is doing it like Harrow she literally put her OWN FUCKING BONE MARROW into soup to make it burst from her enemy's chest like the fucking Alien.... Like ma'am the dedication? The skill? The DRAMA of doing it in front of God and everyone??? Literally nobody doing it like her
#harrow the ninth#htn spoilers#the locked tomb#tlt#tlt spoilers#when i read she was practicing soup#i was like 'aww okay might be good#for her to connect with something#outside of necromancy'#like wow healthy queen#and then ahahaha#PSYCH perfect murder plot#omfg she is perfection#I'm only partway thru reading plz no one spoil#bojanus chats
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#trust#lovers#peace#embrace#love#desire#romance#passion#couples#i love you#adoration#s#gentleness#trauma#selflove#self work#healthy love#healthy relationships#connection#peaceful
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🍀
for @kimtaegis
#i saw him in green and my brain made only one connection#i hope you have the bestest and luckiest year from now on <3#stay healthy!#kim taehyung#bts#btsgif#dailybangtan#userbangtan#dailydaegu#dailybts#maknaelinegifs#annietrack#heyryen#trackofthesoul#shirleytothesea#usertaeyungie#userkelli#*mine#kth#i can't belive the quality of the middle gif#something possesed me...#i hope it will come back sometimes xd
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Cringetober 2023 prompt 9 is a bit late cause of school stuff. Anyways, if I had a nickel for every time there was a video game with an AI who’s involved in running morally questionable at best decisions for science I’d have two nickels and the crossover ship of the decade.
#project moon#lobotomy corporation#angela project moon#angela lobotomy corporation#portal#glados#cringetober#cringetober 2023#my art#also spoilers I guess#they both have a connection to a a girlie in STEM who was really great and was running the operation before her death but then some guy use#Her to make an AI#Also they become less mean because they meet a person they can have a healthy relationship with.#I’m still getting through Ruina lore.
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My watcher girl for pillars of eternity 💕
#my art#oc Renata#pillars of eternity#death godlike#godlike oc#watcher oc#pillars of eternity fanart#her thing w GM isn’t like. a relationship#its them being telepathic freaks and having a connection that maybe isnt 100% healthy and is also not strictly romantic#& my GM dies near the end of poe1#so their whole thing is. a very intense psychic asexual fling <3#I just love when telepaths have weird incomprehensible undefined relationships together <333#and since her and GM were never like. a couple. Renata has been crushing on aloth since the start of poe1
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