If a woman could just gently cup my face in her hands while she softly presses a kiss to my lips that’d be great thank you so much.

People who avoid their own feelings will probably avoid yours too.

The emotionally intelligent person knows that love is a skill, not a feeling, and will require trust, vulnerability, generosity, humor, sexual understanding, and selective resignation. The emotionally intelligent person awards themselves the time to determine what gives their working life meaning and has the confidence and tenacity to try to find an accommodation between their inner priorities and the demands of the world. The emotionally intelligent person knows how to hope and be grateful, while remaining steadfast before the essentially tragic structure of existence. The emotionally intelligent person knows that they will only ever be mentally healthy in a few areas and at certain moments, but is committed to fathoming their inadequacies and warning others of them in good time, with apology and charm. There are few catastrophes, in our own lives or in those of nations, that do not ultimately have their origins in emotional ignorance. ~Alain de Botton

(Book: The School of Life https://amzn.to/3OQMf6w)

Photo: Couple in Prague 1971

Sometimes when we’re alone, he looks at me in a way that makes me feel empty when he looks away.

— Colleen Hoover, Regretting You

DomKat’s physical and emotional chemistry: That quick sexy Lift thing that Nicole does with Waverly

This is Part 2 in a meta series in observing how DomKat portray physical and emotional intimacy as WayHaught

These physically intimate bodily responses from the Season 2 episode 'Shed Your Skin' and the Season 4 episode 'Crazy' are likely more improvised on the spot by Kat than choreographed by anyone. Kat portrays Nicole lifting Dom portraying Waverly onto her waist in a playfully dominant action to engage in physical intimacy with her. Not only does this require great chemistry between them but also immense trust as, because it's likely improvised on the spot, there would be no indication to Dom that Kat was going to do that. Having that established trust between them throughout all their intimate scenes would provide them freedom to slip into improvisation where bodily responses are much more immediate and quick than they would be if they were choreographed and have to be remembered. It absolutely still requires acting talent because improvisation is still a performance and all of the best actors always include improvisation in their performances. Especially when performing physical intimacy. 

Lucy Lawless, for example, is very adept at this and this is why I liken Waverly and Nicole to Xena and Gabrielle when it comes to their physical and emotional intimacy. A lot of body language is used to communicate and convey their intentions and emotions in scenes. What it shows most of all to me when Kat does this quick sexy Lift thing is that these two actors are very comfortable with being in each other's personal space. Most probably because their friendship off-screen is just as comfortable and natural and they can play off of each other seamlessly without any kind of direction or choreography. Their body language is at a level where they do not need words to communicate with each other, nor any scripted action or behaviour which is just how it also is with Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor. 

But nevertheless - friendship, no friendship - it still requires talent because improvisation performing is not something just anyone can do. You can ask any dancer or athlete the same and they will tell you what it takes to be able put their mind aside to achieve these feats. Kat Barrell may not be either but she's very good at physical acting and even something as small and simple as this action proves it. Dom's ability to anticipate Kat's bodily response with their own response in that they react to Kat's by immediately jumping into her arms just displays immense trust in their connection as their on-screen characters as well as their off-screen connection as friends. It's really something and likely couldn't be done with anyone else. These two actors share a very special camaraderie with each other that allows them the ease to just go with the flow in their intimate scenes and observing and examining it as closely as I am right now only makes me love their physical and emotional chemistry all the more because I can see how natural and organic it is between them. I have watched so many other physically intimate scenes between other actors where that's not the case at all and it looks incredibly contrived and awkward and you feel like the characters are violating each other’s personal space because they don’t look comfortable at all. The energy between them is off-putting to watch. I never feel that way with either Xena and Gabrielle or Waverly and Nicole because I just see how right it is for them to be together. In actual fact what I'm witnessing is the organic, natural, real chemistry between the actors when performing intimacy in their scenes. While it's true that Lucy and Renee had very little of the physical to portray compared to Kat and Dom, I can still tell that had they been allowed to portray that same level of physical intimacy as their characters, it would be as seamless because of their friendship combined with their talents in improvisation and physical acting.

In other words - I COULD very much see Waverly and Nicole do justice to Xena and Gabrielle cosplay and vice versa because the level of chemistry between Lucy and Renee and Kat and Dom is similar, as is their level of acting talent and ability together as well as individually. I always say there will never be any other WLW ship like Xena and Gabrielle BUT partially the reason why I say that is because of the unique way in which they provided queer representation with them. It had to be carefully written and performed as to appease studio censors prohibiting their physical intimacy as a WLW couple - hence why their emotional intimacy was amped up to the max. That will always be what makes them really stand out as a WLW ship compared to any other ever. But the level of chemistry between Lucy and Renee has been officially achieved in my opinion with Kat and Dom. I see and feel just as much chemistry between Kat and Dom as I do with Lucy and Renee to the point where if they were to be put on a panel together in competition discussing their characters and the intimacy that they portrayed for them, I'd hear much the same answers back from both duos. If anything DomKat would win with actually remembering their scenes because Lucy and Renee have never been the greatest with remembering, and that's fair enough since their show ended a longer time ago and they don't watch and rewatch as fans themselves which DomKat have spoken about doing several times in panels. So, yes, there is a lot of difference but there is a lot of similarity as well. They are both honestly the best representation I've ever seen in portraying very natural and organic intimate WLW ships where it is as real and authentic as it possibly could be in TV art/entertainment at the time.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: It is like Xena and Gabrielle walked so Waverly and Nicole could fly. This is great progression for WLW and queer representation and I will talk more about the similarities between these WLW ships when I move on to the parts of this meta series addressing emotional intimacy because there is really distinctive parallels there that need to be acknowledged on this subject.

I cannot explain to you what it would be to me to be able to talk again to one who knows all the errors and all the efforts of my past life as you do.

Anthony Trollope, from Phineas Redux

EIGHT SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL INTIMACY IN A RELATIONSHIP

1. You feel genuinely seen and understood.

2. You encourage and support each other to grow.

3. Your autonomy is celebrated.

4. You are comfortable being vulnerable and imperfect.

5. You feel safe sharing difficult emotions and/or experiences.

6. You are at ease with silence and giving each other space.

7. You hold each other accountable.

8. You hold respect for each other.

~ Dr L. Suglani

i’m so tired today, i want sleepy cuddles and soft kisses.

Friday, March 22nd

After the breathwork session, while I was taking a shower, tears mingled with the water as I begged God for forgiveness. Memories of the abuse at home flooded back, overwhelming me with guilt once again. It felt like I deserved it somehow, like I was just a disobedient kid who deserved punishment. That’s what they always told me, and too often, I believed them. I endured being hit, yelled at, threatened, and punished for things they thought I did wrong. And it always came with shame. They made me feel like I was a disgrace, like I should be ashamed.

In the days following the breathwork session, I was once again confronted with the realization of how strange it is to feel safe in unsafe environments. The very place and people that were supposed to be my refuge turned out to be both safe and unsafe. Several years ago, Schema therapy helped me come to this realization, but it’s a contradiction that still baffles me.

The contradiction not only affected my sense of safety but also influenced the relationships I attracted. It led me to form unhealthy relationships and prevented me from establishing healthy boundaries. While I’ve seen some improvement in recent years, it remains a work in progress. I continue to work on setting boundaries and cultivating healthier relationships, and though there have been improvements, I acknowledge that there’s still work to be done.

Despite the progress, the journey can feel lonely at times. There’s a longing to be understood, held, and comforted when things get dark and heavy. But it is what it is, and I’ve made a promise to myself not to be driven into the wrong arms again.

In the days after the session, I also found that I had more space within myself, allowing room for compassion. I realized that I didn’t deserve what my parents put me through. So my prayers have changed, and I now ask for more courage, strength, and self-compassion as I continue on this journey.

Relationships are sustained by the pleasure of emotional intimacy, the feeling that someone is interested in taking the time to really listen and understand your experience.

Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

I know I'll always think of you with something like hurt and nostalgia — and great deal of love.

— Sylvia Plath, Letters of Sylvia Plath, Volume I: 1940-1956

Theres one word to describe WayHaught that is unlike any other WLW ship that I’ve ever seen - “passionate”.

I have never seen such passionate physical AND emotional intimacy in a WLW ship. In fact this is the only WLW ship I’ve seen that even provides both. It’s enrapturing when I watch their intimate scenes. Emily, Dom and Kat really managed to provide significant WLW representation from all angles so that they seem as realistic, natural and authentic as possible even in a supernatural/fantasy world. Not only did they give us both physical and emotional content in full main textual canonship. But they also managed to interweave both the physical and emotional content so seamlessly so that one complements the other to make this ship the greatest ship I’ve ever seen since Xena and Gabrielle. It’s not nauseating to watch their physical intimacy because they have all the narrative foundation that makes all the physical content justified. It’s not difficult to watch their emotional intimacy because their relationship is so deep and intense that you would expect them to be physically intimate. It wouldn’t be appropriate that they’re so ride or die for each other if they weren’t very sexually involved with each other. I mean no one ever said that Xena and Gabrielle weren’t sexually involved as a committed couple (and the fanfiction for them proves it.) It’s just we couldn’t get to see it on-screen the way we can with WayHaught because it wasn’t allowed.

WayHaught are a well-written and balanced WLW ship. Everything they have between them is woven together so seamlessly. I am honestly really impressed with what was achieved with them even though it’s a relatively short show compared to what I’m used to. They may be my favourite WLW ship after Xena and Gabrielle. They’re certainly the closest ship I’ve seen to them - majorly down to the level of chemistry that Dom and Kat have being at the same level of chemistry that Lucy and Renee have. But something I get with Waverly and Nicole that I never got with Xena and Gabrielle is full main textual canonship. I mean it never really bothered me that Xena and Gabrielle weren’t fully main textually canon because I could always interpret them as that for myself. But it was always really frustrating for me that despite Xena and Gabrielle being the greatest WLW representation that I’ve ever seen in TV art/entertainment that they were never fully main textually canon in the eyes of the general public. I mean they were never in the “greatest WLW (or sapphic as some would rather refer to it as) ships of all-time” lists because they were not confirmed as canon. Whereas I would rank them at NO.1 because they were the blueprint and greenlight for all the OG WLW (or sapphic) ships in TV art/entertainment that were. I mean we wouldn’t even have a WayHaught or Tillow or TiBette or Brittana without Xabrielle. All the ships heralded as the OG WLW ships of the 90’s/00’s/10’s. They opened the door wide up for every one of them. Made it possible for those OG WLW ships to have walls broken down. I’m not saying the first should be the greatest. But I mean - if you watch Xena, you really can’t deny that they are because they go so damn hard in really showing what ‘love’ looks like between two women. Or, for me, what ‘love’ looks like in general even if the “making love” parts were censored or edited out of it.

I mean I feel like if I had never seen what Xena and Gabrielle have, I could have never appreciated what Waverly and Nicole have because I wouldn’t “get it”. You know what I mean? I had to see it in Xabrielle first before I could truly see it in WayHaught because I know that the only reason why I prefer emotional content to physical content is because I had it first - and their love, regardless of it being romantic or platonic in nature, is all-encompassing. Xabrielle is the greatest love story that I’ve ever seen in TV art/entertainment to this day even though it is not fully main textually canon like WayHaught is and got to be.

I see so much in WayHaught that I see in Xabrielle. All that was really missing was all the physical intimacy - which just wasn’t and isn’t a key thing for me anyway. But I’m never saying that they didn’t have that too. Just that I never was able to get to see it in the show. But I know with every fiber of my being that they would have been just as passionate as WayHaught.

At this point I think I should print on a t-shirt the phrase “Xena and Gabrielle walked so Waverly and Nicole could fly” because it really is so damn true.

In fact I feel like Xena and Gabrielle existed in TV art/entertainment so every OG WLW ship could. Not just WayHaught. All of them. Every. single. WLW ship that provided proper and significant WLW representation would not be if Xena and Gabrielle had not been first.

Fuck what’s canon and what isn’t. If you see it, you see it. And there’s no way that I cannot see it now. They’re fundamental. They’re the true beginning.

Please watch ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’. I know there isn’t much physically intimate content with them where it is 100% clear that they have a sexual love.

But you would not have physical intimacy like this, where the sexual is very much intended to be visible:

without physical intimacy like this, where sex was subtextually implied but not made explicitly visible: