Sup y'all‼🕊🐚⛓💉

I've made my own new SCHIZOSPEC (↭)💥 super wicked epic cool flag‼‼‼(made by an schizotic bipolar [psychotic schizospec/schizoaffective])

Each color has their own meaning, and even IRL is there❗💪⛓🧪

Is for every schizospec ever, and schizospec only🤘 FEEL FREE to use as pfp and credit me ^___^ my schizopals🤝🥼🗯

I've heard this symbol "↭" was made for schizospecs in general but others say is just for schizophrenia, correct me if I'm wrong please 🤸‍♂️🤼‍♂️🤼‍♂️🧞‍♂️🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏼‍♂️🥗🃏🎭🏴‍☠️

Credit to @actuallyschizophrenic for creating "↭" 🙏🙏🙏.

#schizospecflag #irlcreature hashtags would help a lot to make this more popular, I'd appreciate a real lot🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️🧪🧪🧪 reblogs be sick as hell too🤘🤘🤘

i often feel lonely irt being schizo-spec & psychotic because i have very early onset schizoaffective disorder. i began experiencing magical thinking at 9, clinical psychosis at 11, and cognitive decline began thereafter. i just kind of grew up depressed and schizophrenic. but i didn't know anyone else like me. i still don't, and it hurts.

so to any other childhood schizospecs & psychotics, i see you and you aren't alone. you deserve support, autonomy, and safety, just like everyone else. please remember to be a little kinder to yourself, alright? you've been through so much, so young. it's okay to take things slow, to take breaks, and to follow an unconventional path. you don't have to be "normal." you're wonderful just as you are.

Something I wrote based on my experience with schizophrenia, might turn it into a whole thing

note: this is a self insert, it’s not technically from Toby Rodgers pov, but if you wanna read it from his pov that’s fine. Just know if I keep writing this he’ll probably get introduced as an actual character.

cw: idk… fear?

You lay in the bathtub frozen in place, waiting for something to happen. You’ve been like this for about an hour, paralyzed by the fear of what was on the other side of the curtain. You didn’t know what it was exactly and you weren’t to keen on finding out. All you knew was that if you moved even a centimeter, if you made any noise, if you let the sound of the water pouring from the shower head and hitting the floor of the tub change even in the slightest, then you would be viciously mauled then left to die.

You didn’t want your roommates to find you like that, so you waited. Waited for something, anything to happen to distract the monster behind the curtain. You had started loosing circulation in your right leg about ten-ish minutes ago, being in that position for so long you were surprised it hadn’t started sooner.

You realized you could feel that thing breathing on your neck. It’s sticky breath was making your shoulder damp. From the way it was panting, loud and heavy, you could tell it had a large snout, most likely filled to the brim with sharp teeth that were just waiting to tear out your intestines. You wondered what the beast looked like, lurking so close but just out of sight. You closed your eyes and tried to see if you could feel it’s presence in the room, trying to get a glimpse of what would be the cause of your premature demise.

You were right before about it’s snout, long and scaly, a genuinely horrific sight. Filled with large fangs and an excessively slimy tongue, drooling over the smell of you no doubt. And God it’s fur, matted and hanging from its rotting flesh. You could smell it, the scent of death being wafted up into your nose with the steam coming from the hot water washing over your body and onto the floor of the tub.

Glancing over at your leg, you saw it had started turning white from loss of circulation. You knew you had to move it if you wanted to be able to walk later, if there even was a later. You tried to move your leg ever so slightly, trying not to make any noise. So far so good, if you could just move a little more you would be able to regain some blood flow. Shifting slowly, you froze, hearing the noise of the water grow louder.

In seconds, a rush of emotions washes over your mind; fear, grief, terror. You sense the beast move closer, slowly creeping forward, hunting you. It presses its snout against the curtain, inhaling deeply through its nose, smelling you. It lazily opened its jaws, taunting you.

It leans in, pushing the curtain with it, its rows of teeth ready to devour you. You’ve accepted this, you’re ready to die.

“Toby? You good?” Tim called, and suddenly it was gone. The behemoth that had been terrorizing you for the past hour, just… disappeared.

I’ll probably keep writing this later but I wanted to put it somewhere till then

please reblog, don’t repost

Fun fact, my psychosis is something I've experienced since a young age. I wholeheartedly believed that I was a dog in a way that was unusual for even a child. I would also cover up and even destroy mirrors because I was convinced that people were watching me through them.

Logically with the abuse going on at the time these were also trauma based paranoia, I wasn't diagnosed though, I don't know why. It was only when I was 16 that I got diagnosed, despite frequently having every type of hallucination besides visual.

Psychosis and schizospec disorders in children need to be talked about more- It does happen and usually follows that person through to adulthood. In my case it has, yet psychiatrists are hellbent on me being 'a simple case' while my therapist agrees that more was going on.

Chapter 3 of Schizophrenia, Third Edition: Child and adolescent schizophrenia

Although it's rare before the age of 10, childhood and adolescent schizophrenia does happen. Things like clinical severity, impact on development, and poor prognosis calls for a need of early detection, prompt diagnosis, and effective treatment. Childhood/adolescent onset schizophrenia is associated with poor premorbid functioning and early developmental delays, which is particularly striking for people with onset before adolescence. Similar impairments have been reported in adult-onset cases but are more common in child/adolescent-onset cases. These premorbid impairments may be a risk, or a precursor to psychosis. Diagnoses like anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism may precede the diagnosis of schizophrenia in children and adolescents.

People who develop schizophrenia typically go through a prodromal phase characterized by a marked decline in functioning. Things like social withdrawal, decline in school performance, and uncharacteristic and odd behavior begin on average a year before the onset of psychotic symptoms. In retrospect things like non-specific behavioral changes were frequently early negative symptoms well before positive symptoms showed. Prodromal symptoms may also include odd ideas, eccentric interests, changes in affect, unusual experiences, and bizarre perceptual experiences. While these are characteristic of schizotypal personality disorder, in a schizophrenic prodrome there is usually a progression to a more severe dysfunction.

Child and adolescent-onset schizophrenia is characteristically chronic, with only a minority of cases making a full recovery. If full recovery does occur it is most likely in the first three months, and Hollis (1999) found that 12% of cases of schizophrenia only reached full remission. A Maudsley study found that those who were psychotic after 6 months have a 15% chance of full remission, while over half of cases who made a full recovery had active psychotic symptoms for less than 3 months. This indicates that observation past 6 months adds little new information, and the course over the first 6 months is the best predictor of remission.

A number of long-term follow-up studies of child and adolescent-onset schizophrenia all describe a chronic, unremitting long-term course with severely impaired functioning in adult life. Roughly one-fifth of cases in most studies have a good outcome while at the other extreme one-third are severely impaired. After the first few years of the illness there is little evidence of further progressive decline. Third, child and adolescent-onset schizophrenia has a worse outcome than adult-onset schizophrenia and affective psychoses. Social functioning is also very impaired in early onset schizophrenia. These findings confirm childhood schizophrenia is at an extreme end of a continuum of severity.

Cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia are increasingly being acknowledged as core features of the disorder. The degree of cognitive impairment is greater in child and adolescent-onset than adult-onset cases, which raises several questions. Are cognitive deficits specific or general - are some areas more affected? Which deficits precede psychosis and could be causal, and which are consequences of psychosis? Is it specific to schizophrenia or is it common between other developmental and psychotic disorders? Are cognitive impairments progressive or static after the onset of psychosis?

In summary of the findings: sensorimoter skills, associative memory, and simple language abilities are preserved in children with schizophrenia. Bigger decifits include tasks that require sustained and focused attention, flexible switching of cognitive set, high-information processing speed, and suppression of prepotent responses. These cognitive processes are executive functions, necessary for organizing goal-directed behavior.

Assessing a child or adolescent with schizophrenia should include detailed history, mental state and physical examination, and laboratory tests. Usually physical exams include a full blood count and biochemistry, including liver and thyroid function and a drug screen. Progressive structural brain changes indicate value in getting an MRI. Antipsychotics stay a cornerstone of treatment of schizophrenia but treatment should take a multimodal approach including pharmacotherapy, family and individual counselling, education about the illness, and provision to meet social/educational needs.

Pjo are soooooo boring with their Percy headcanons,it's always either he's a DudeTM or whatever the non-slur version f*mboy is.How about neither?How about taking his actual personality into account instead of projecting your lacks of it into him and subpar lore ideas too?Sally is obsessed with the sea instead of him and she's the only reason he loves it too because Poseidon's ain't never done anything for him,this leads to her opening up a family Beach Shack with him and Nico and Hazel helping her out a lot in it because she legally adopted them,she's transfem bigender and autistic and afrolatina,she's punk and presents both masc and fem and that includes long locs and multicolored dyed tips and a good handful of piercings,her and Rachel do grafitti together and Percy was her first real friend as Grover was to her and she got her to embrace her femininity,she only accepts the blue flavored energy drinks and has diy skills and range that would make the gods strike her down if they found out and one of her special interests is video games but she uses game emulators only on principal,her favorite animals are cats and sharks and she has a thing for pastel punks and her favorite bands are Mcr and The Cure and Bikini Kill and she loves indie horror and lost media and Polly Pocket and MLP with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy as her favorites,he got power upgrades as time passed but he was ready to handle them instead of being afraid thanks to all the love he'd been given,he's Nico and Hazel's Team Parent and sends them pretty/cute stim gifs and wholesome memes when they're sad and has all their needs memorized and helped them train to become even better heroes and they made him realize he wants kids and he made them realize Hades was never an actual father to them and that he was and took up the mother role for them too and she took down to gods by actually going for them unlike Luke who wasted his time on children.Y'all somehow took the most interesting 2000s protagonist and turn him into Harry Potter 2.0-Fuck off you cunts,the shoe dosen't fit

Idk who needs to hear this but someone should’ve taken care of you when you were a kid. It’s okay to have that wound if you do, and you can’t expect yourself to “move on” because you’re an adult now. Someone should’ve taken care of you. You should’ve had someone to lean on. No matter what, It’s not your fault. You can never ever ever do anything as a child that warrants adults to treat you badly, it’s impossible. You’re a good person & you’re a strong person bc you’ve done it all without the people you’re meant to rely on. You’re doing great! I believe in you :)

entirely stopped talking to anyone so making bad meme I guess

@wabitham For you I will try and think about Amber and Tara. I started writing this and then you posted this, and I gotta say I agree with what you've written.

I decided to put a read more for a ramble, and add a summary of Amber and her relationship with Tara up here.

Amber is protective and possessive: once she determines she wants something or that something is hers, it's hers. Tara is one of those somethings.

Amber hates Sam because Tara still loves her despite hurting her, when Amber is the one who has been there for her.

Amber becomes Tara's person once Sam leaves. She pretty much relies on Amber for her entire emotional fulfilment, and Amber loves the feeling of power it gives her.

Amber has never been a people person, but she knows the world is easier with connections, and that it makes Tara happy, so hence the friendship group she associates with.

The year after her dad leaves is super hard on Tara, she ends up getting held back a year, much to her frustration. She was already older than her classmates, and now she's even older. Not to mention the embarrassment of being held back, of everyone whispering about you and staring at you all the time. It's like everyone knew what was going on in her life except her.

Amber has always been studious & mature for her age; she's at the top of her classes. When Tara is put into her grade, Amber is asked to help her assimilate back into the school environment and help her with her classwork. Everyone knows that they're already familiar with one another, and it's expected that that's what Tara needs in these trying times, a familiar face.

Amber doesn't think much of Tara at first, she doesn't really think much of anyone. People are just annoyances she has to deal with. She likes that Tara does what she says, even though she's older and people let her get away with things they wouldn't let others get away with. She's used that to her advantage sometimes, Tara would do anything for a smile and a compliment, Amber realises. She stops demanding her parents get her dog a month after being saddled with Tara.

It's just after Christmas, 4 months after receiving the role of Tara's tutor and buddy when The Incident happens and Amber begins to see Tara in a whole new light. She realises there's an anger inside of her, just like Amber, and it feels important to the girl somehow. She decides that Tara is no longer an obligation, she's hers.

So Amber becomes protective, possessive some (their friendship group) might say. Tara doesn't mind, so the others only grumble about it jokingly.

Amber hates Sam. Sam doesn't deserve the love and adoration her Tara heaps on her. Amber is the one who's always there, who sees her sadness and her tears. Amber is the one to hold her hand and cheer her up and help her with her school work and scare away the bullies. Sam is too busy getting drunk and fucking her way through every teenage boy in Woodsboro.

And Tara? She's needy. She's emotional and weak and she didn't realise how much she needed her sister until she wasn't really there any more. Then the world sends her Amber. Amber who couldn't stand her at first; carrying a dismissiveness that reminds her of her own mother. But it didn't matter, because she let Tara tag along and come home with her after school and she helped her with her homework even though it had to be frustrating for her sometimes. Tara just didn't want to be alone.

Skipping forward.

Sam leaves and Amber is all Tara has. She has her other friends sure, but they don't know her like Amber... or Sam. They don't fill her with comfort and radiate safety, they don't protect her like them. They don't love her like them. But Sam left and so she clings to Amber, and Amber doesn't push her away. She revels in it. Tara adores her and she takes advantage of it, curious; Tara's not unwilling, embarrassed, to curious to learn, to practise. She doesn't date though, Amber won't have that, she scares anyone who might try away. Amber doesn't share.

Years pass. She moves into the old Macher house. She develops a new obsession. She remembers the little secret Tara's mother once revealed to her. It consumes her. She speaks to people online about it, to others just like her who share her passion and her thoughts. She can't speak about things like this with Tara, Tara's too sensitive, Tara likes characters and stories and happy endings. They don't share this love.

She meets Richie. She let's it slip that she knows Billy Loomis' daughter. He makes a suggestion, she makes a suggestion. Before they know it they've got a plan and they've committed to carrying it out.

Amber pries when Tara's half asleep: have you talked to Sam lately? Do you ever wonder where she ended up, what she's been doing? Does she ever plan to come home? Tara reveals she knows where Sam is, she's been stalking her social media ever since she left, she never reaches out (if Sam wanted her in her life she would contact her, she would come home, Tara thinks). That's a surprise to Amber. Tara's never kept a secret from her. Of course it would be Sam's fault.

She tells Richie, and he begins his part of the plan. It takes him 2 months before Sam will even give him the time of day, another 2 before she ever opens up to him. They bond over shitty families and legacies left behind by their fathers and being disappointments, both of them skirting around the details. Until one day he catches Sam on Instagram, looking at a specific account. She reveals she has a little sister. He waits until she's drunk next, to bring up her little sister. He pries, and she talks about the little sister she loves so much who she abandoned. How much Tara must hate her. He asks if she would ever go back - not a chance - not even for your little sister? I would do anything for her. Even go back? Even go back.

It hurt Amber, doing what she did to Tara. But it had to be done. It irritates her and fills her with pride in equal measure when she fights back. Unfortunately, it means she gets a little more hurt than she intended. She shouldn't have fought back if she didn't want her leg broken. This was about Sam.

"This will all be over soon," she says as closes the cupboard door. She could convince Tara to keep her mouth shut, to say it was the robed and masked figure who tied her up and locked her away, that she didn't know who the Ghostfaces were. After all, once Sam is gone, Amber really will be the only one she has. But first Tara has to see. She wants her to see, to know she's all she has left. Tara's a good girl, she'll do as she's told.

It wasn't supposed to go down like this. Sam wasn't supposed to untie her.

Fuck Sam Carpenter.

me: anyway yeah i think luigi (like the super mario brother) experiences bad paranoid schizophrenia and i have a lot of detailed hcs on it i think his hallucinations are primarily auditory and tactile and i think his delusions make it unsafe for him to be on his own for too long and is a part of why he and mario still share a room despite having their own house. i can go into it more if u want

everyone in the whole entire world, reasonably:

something growing up psychotic and traumatized has taught me is that there is no single, universal reality that everyone experiences. that's impossible; no one is all-knowing. we are incapable of even beginning to comprehend our collective reality. we are not impartial or even rightful judges of the entire world.

the most we can ever do is interact with and impact the existence - and thus individual reality - of others. and their reality will always make sense, within the context of their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and actions. their reality will never be the same as ours, either. someone else could write this post word for word, and it wouldn't be based on the same knowledge. it would just be a similar conclusion.

there is no punchline to this post. it's just. a simple truth. we all have our own reality.

i genuinely can't remember a single point in my life where i completely didn't have at least some symptoms of psychosis (which tbf isn't saying a lot because most of the time i can't remember a lot but i mean like. In what i Do recall) and that makes me wonder

where did childhood overactive imagination end and psychosis began? was i simply Spawned with psychosis and experienced it in hand with imagination?

do i not have psychosis, and just an overactive imagination still?? /j /j /j

So, okay, I made a post a bit about this yesterday, but I've had a lot of thoughts since then and a useful conversation with my therapist. So. Complaining about dyspraxia below

I haven't been formally diagnosed with dyspraxia. It's actually pretty much the only diagnosis I've given to myself without at least medical confirmation. But I've given it to myself based on both a lot of research and comments I have received from medical practitioners (e.g. my pediatrician commenting on my weak grip, not meeting developmental milestones on time, comments from teachers, etc). And today my therapist said she's pretty sure I have it based not just on what I've reported but what she's observed in the way I physically interact with the world over the years, so that was helpful and validating. And we contacted my doctor today to hopefully get a referral to an OT, who will be able to actually assess me, which would be very cool. Because I still doubt myself all the time and go "you don't really have this" except like...I do though lol.

Part of the reason I doubt myself about it is that it hasn't had that much impact for many years. But recently, that has changed, and I've realized that it's not that I got better, it's that I went on disability and stopped trying to do a lot of things I used to do and spent like all day on my computer and got assistance with most physical tasks. I'm doing much, much better mental health wise lately, which is amazing, and as a result I'm engaging more and more with the physical world around me, whether that's going on walks or to the grocery store or cooking or dressing nicely or eating in restaurants or trying art or whatever. Which is great!

But it's all. so. fucking. physically. difficult. Not in an exhausting way, in a coordination way. Pushing carts at the grocery store? I bump into things constantly and get really overwhelmed by it and a few weeks ago dropped a glass bottle of olive oil that shattered all over the aisle in the store. Cooking? I love to cook, but it takes me at least 2 to 3 times the time to make any given recipe because I know myself and know I can't multitask so I do all the prep all at once up front, and slowly at that bc cutting vegetables is hard. Putting on makeup? Better set aside 10 minutes just to try to put on lip gloss without going outside the lines. Going to a restaraunt? Often a mortifying experience where I a) bump into other tables and/or b) have food all over my shirt by the end of the meal, which is so embarrassing but I've struggled with it my whole life. And it's just. It's all really really difficult and often I feel so ashamed when I drop something or bump into something or get messy or whatever in public and it just...it just sucks. And I get so so so frustrated and flustered and overwhelmed when I'm trying to do basic tasks at home like hanging up clothes or whatever and it's just so difficult and frustrating for me.

And I had forgotten how hard it all was because for years I just spent all my time on my computer. But I'm not doing that now. Which is great! But I trip and stumble and knock into things and get lost outside and can't do the things I want to do and I'm just constantly reminded that the physical world is very challenging for me. My probable dyspraxia has really been interfering with my life lately in pretty significant ways that have surprised me, I had kind of forgotten how frickin hard it makes a lot of things. I consider myself able bodied for the most part but I'm remembering now that like...not exactly 100% actually. And it just kind of sucks. A lot.

The good news is that as I mentioned, we contacted my GP about it and hopefully I'll get an assessment and maybe even some OT and/or PT, which could hopefully really help me. Because I'm trying very hard to recover and regain some independence, and this is proving a more significant challenge towards those goals than I had expected.

it always bothers me that peoples first question is if someone does drugs, when the person has done alot of research on something, like space, or patterns in the world, or whatever else like that. or even jsut experimental art. like Not All People Gotta Do Drugs to explore things in the world.

When I was Little

“When I was little

We couldn’t afford winter boots

My mom would tell me to layer my socks and wear my sandals that our cousins handed us down

And the only shoes I owned were too small for my growing feet

I wore them till my feet bled and my toes were all messed up

I wore them till they ripped and had holes in them

When I was little

I had no toys

I use to make buildings out of the thousands of empty medicine bottles we had lying around pretending they were blocks

I would collect tiny scraps of paper around the house and make little bird nests out of them

I’m not sure why I had such a fascinating with bird nests

When id go to sleep id place my blankets around me and I’d sleep inside of it

Whenever id be able to go out I would use the dead grass after the lawn was mowed and make big nests out of them hoping a bird or rabbit would use it as a home

I’m not sure why I did that

Maybe because it gave me a sense of security, maybe it was just the imagination of a lonely child

I’m not sure

I would use my empty medicine bottles and collect little bugs that were around my apartment

Cockroaches, bed bugs, spiders, anything small I could trap

And I watched them and I watched

Their every move I observed with a keen eye

Wondering how they moved and how they lived

They started talking to me and I talked back, enjoying their company

I would feed them food and watched as they scurried around, a part of me feeling bad having trapped them for so long

What else can a child do in a empty house like that

How does a child stop themselves from being driven mad with so much silence but so much yelling in the walls

I stopped doing that after we moved

I felt bad ever since and never went near bugs again hoping my tears and space would make up for the time I left them trapped

I cried for them because I knew how it felt

Yet no one would apologize or shed a tear for me

Then it went silent

No more bugs to talk to

No more nests to feel safe in

Just yelling in walls that echoed throughout my childhood

I too went silent

For who would want to hear the incoherent ramblings of a naive child

Naive

That’s all that child was and nothing more

Too stupid to understand but too aware to ignore” -@schizosomnia

3/10/24

Thank. Fuck. Today was quiet and uneventful.

Yesterday was so desperate that my boss had to come in on her off day, and the nurse educator had to come in, too, both to just debrief with everyone on staff. That's how rough it was. Apparently the two of them reviewed a bunch of security camera footage, and told me my de-escalation stance was near perfect! I was pretty proud of that.

They also confirmed "Yeah, you got tossed around a bit." I really honestly do not remember getting tossed around. I'm trying to understand it. Did I leave the ground? I definitely didn't hit my head, or get punched or anything. I just remember at one point he was stanced up and punching the air in anger, and at another point we were cooling him off, and he was sitting in a chair, crying.

I really kind of wonder if this is the adrenaline tunnel vision thing people talk about after being in firefights or whatever. Where they say "this lasted about 5 minutes" and it turns out to be 45 seconds or something, just because of the time dilation. The whole time all I was thinking about was "Please calm down please calm down buddy please don't do this."

Outside of that, it was just my educator and I talking about my charting. It's rare to have situations get this out of hand, and when they're this serious the paperwork can easily become relevant, so it has to be pristine. She looked over everything I did and we spent half an hour making corrections.

There was someone I wrote about a few weeks ago. Abused as a kid, grew up to be a virgin despite married for so many years to his wife who's also a virgin. I forget the date, I know it's in there. This patient strikes me as the way that guy was, when he was this age. Volatile and desperate and confused and scared.

I keep wondering what's going to give him stability one day. I don't want to see him ever get institutionalized. Please not that. Not prison, not a permanent psych unit. I don't know if I would ask someone to find jesus like my patient several weeks ago did, but, fuck, if that's how someone becomes functional in any independent capacity? Gainfully employed and sociable? God. It should never have to be this way to begin with.